#i could say something about how i have always liked the cubs

[strawberryblondebutch]

why do u hate the brewers

Is it because Wisconsin is a frozen hellscape

Because my parents live outside Chicago and I went to prep school in Minnesota, I would regularly be exposed to the Milwaukee Brewers Experience, which is... awful.

Brewers fans do not exist. At least, they didn't before 2017. I can't guarantee what happened after, as I am back in the homeland. Instead, you had Packers fans who wanted an excuse to tailgate in the summer. This led to the most sensory overwhelming ballpark I've ever been to. There was no natural ebb and flow of the game. Any dramatic breath holding would be interrupted by the Jumbotron telling fans to "MAKE SOME NOISE!!!" because silence was scary.

On top of that, because these people were not baseball fans (and here, I want to clarify, I am not bashing football fans generally -- I am clarifying that most of the "home fans" just wanted a way to spend the afternoon/evening and had little to no investment in their team), they had no concept of when to cheer. Any batter making contact would be cheered or booed, even the most obvious grounder or lazy flyout.

What really soured me on the Brewers, though, was the organization and the fans' handling of Ryan Braun. Braun was caught doping during the 2011-12 offseason, and his urine sample was dismissed on a technicality. My church organist, actually, was supposed to be handling it, but did not receive the sample until after the post office had closed for the night. Because he had to store it in his fridge overnight, MLB couldn't prove it wasn't tampered with, so the doping case was thrown out.

Braun was not only lauded as a hero who had never done anything wrong in his life ever, but he proceeded to lead a witch hunt against, again, my literal family church organist, with unfounded accusations of antisemitism. He gave a half-assed apology a year and a half later and admitted to doping, but he's still seen as a great Brewers hero.

Other ugly stuff the org has done in recent years include:

Employing known racist and homophobe Josh Hader,

Going to salary arbitration and permanently damaging their relationship with their ace pitcher to save $740k,

And routinely holding the City of Milwaukee hostage, saying "Give us more money for our stadium or we'll leave town"

They're not my least favorite team in the league, that will always be the racist abuse apologist cheapskates in Atlanta, and SFG routinely tries to ruin the sport I love, but MKE probably rounds out the top 3.

[blackknight-kai]

Could you do something for Wukong and Destined One(separate) who's human s/o isn't really talkative. Like generally won't speak unless spoken to. But will speak up if it's important or they noticed something the Monkey didn't(didn't say 'I love you' until like a year into the relationship). But their s/o is happy to smother them in physical affection if asked or hinted at.

Like kisses all over their faces, full body snuggles, let's D.O and Wukong carry them if they want(even latching on their backs like baby monkeys), will happy be part of a grooming train with the monkey people. You know that kind of stuff.

Please and thank you :3

Hiya!

So a quiet reader huh? Got it! I vibe with this a lot because I’m honestly quiet unless I get comfortable and even then I still am not the most talkative depending on what’s going on.

You being selective when you speak? Monkey is so good with that.

Both: Regarding the grooming and attention.

- [ ] He loves the sound of your voice when you DO talk at times. Genuinely LOVES it.

- [ ] Finds it endearing that you want to be close to his kind. Genuinely happy about it.

- [ ] Very much appreciates that while you don’t talk much, you don’t mind the chatter and loud noises of the monkey yaoguai nor how social they are.

- [ ] It takes the monkeys a little bit to get used to you, because well they aren’t exactly quiet and they probably wonder what’s wrong with you (nothing of course) but eventually they just realize it’s just how you are and accept it. They learn how to ‘read’ you.

- [ ] He loves that you’re so patient with it too and especially loves when his kind just kind of…pull you into their grooming trains without thought, as though you belong. And the fact that you seem to enjoy it and even participate yourself makes his affection for you grow. You just kind of mix right in with them happy to go along with their shenanigans.

- [ ] He also loves that the monkey cubs seem to gravitate to you for nap time or when they want cuddles and affection. Because you’re quiet they enjoy the peacefulness you bring. They also regularly just kinda climb you and sit on your lap, ultimately comfortable with you.

- [ ] Carrying you in any way shape or form is something he LOVES. Because you weight nothing to him and he can have you close to him. Be it princess style, piggy back, or even a front back pack style 👀, he loves it and if you let him will do it whenever he pleases (plus it means he can move faster or get you out of danger quickly as needed).

- [ ] If you’re being cheeky in your own way or being stubborn, or maybe you’ve had a small argument with him, he will definitely carry you over his shoulder because he can and it annoys you AND he gets to be close to you.

- [ ] He’s very tactile, so he’s going to be touching you a lot - his kind is social so physical touch is something he’d really want with you. Snuggling and being in your personal bubble all the time. Some part of him is always touching some part of you. Sharing food, worries, or clothes, and eventually a bed.

Destined One:

- [ ] He definitely is okay with this situation. He doesn’t mind you not speaking because well….he doesn’t really either. He gets it.

- [ ] At first he might have been worried or unsure, mainly because HES used to being the quiet one surrounded by his loud kin.

- [ ] He’s going use more grunts/sounds, gestures, or specific looks and you guys probably have specific movements that mean certain things.

- [ ] He appreciates the comfortable quiet and the soft conversations or sound of your voice when you do speak together.

- [ ] If you were to talk a lot all of a sudden it might make him worry!

- [ ] He will be watching your body language a lot as he does things - wants to learn what certain faces you make mean or what it means when you move a certain way.

- [ ] When you do speak he’s VERY attentive and listening. Because he knows it’s important if you’re talking. Especially could mean danger or something is amiss. Or whatever you’re talking about is crucial.

- [ ] Also, two of you being silent and able to communicate like that? Thats a deadly combination for pranks or even battle tactics.

- [ ] He’s an awkward peanut so when trying to woo you or see if you’re interested he’s of course not gonna ASK nor wait for you to say something. He’s going to do subtle things to test the waters and watch for your reaction.

- [ ] When you guys manage to get together things can be a bit slow, again he’s going to always watch or make a certain sound that mean “is this okay?”

- [ ] You both have your own tells when you want affection and attention so learning those tells is something the two of you work on asap.

- [ ] He knows pretty quickly what certain looks mean or if you scoot closer. He knows when you’re silently asking for his tail to wrap around your and his arm to pull you in so you’re settled nicely against his warm side.

- [ ] Loves giving you soft affection and enjoys the little giggles he can get out of you when he peppers your face with kisses or tickles you.

- [ ] Knows when you need a hug or just a moment to yourself. He knows what every sound you make means as well, every content sigh or groan of annoyance.

- [ ] Even when you might pretend not to want the affection he’s going to know you want it and will gladly give it.

- [ ] He is someone who hadnt really allowed too much contact in the past or divulged in the more social aspects of his kind. He was so focused on his goals and he honestly didnt think he NEEDED this kind of affection but once he met you and started having ‘feelings’ he really got to a point where he WANTED to be affectionate with you. Wanted to give you so much and receive it back, he doesnt know how he lived with out it.

- [ ] You guys get so comfortable to the point that really everything is just a natural movement. He knows you inside and out and you him. Knows what you’re thinking by locking eyes with you.

- [ ] He loves the soft quiet atmosphere with you and the connection that genuinely doesn’t need words.

- [ ] The “I love you” words? Those are through actions he gives you and you return. When you guys speak them for the first time way after being together for some time, it’s more of a low whisper of words while you’re cuddled up close, noses nuzzled together. Soft kisses traded between the two of you. It’s warm and cozy.

Wukong:

- [ ] Chatter fucking box.

- [ ] He does not care that you don’t talk much, he will talk for you. Literally sometimes. Might even make up a whole conversation where he even answers himself out loud - or he makes a clone of himself and has the clone pretend to be you while he talks (this is if he REALLY wants to be a menace and annoy you).

- [ ] But in reality he genuinely doesn’t mind it.

- [ ] He quickly learned your body language and what your expressions or non verbal cues mean. Pretends sometimes not to know just to lightly tease you.

- [ ] Wukong is careful of you at first though, because he’s learning your tells he might test some boundaries here or there but it’s mostly out of curiosity and wanting to make sure NOT to push them later. He appreciates when you DO speak up to him about something you don’t like. It shows you trust him enough to tell him your honest thoughts.

- [ ] Hes not shy about physical touch, although he won’t push you about it or anything. Will casually do things and as long as you don’t show him you hate it or tell him you hate it, he will keep doing whatever it is.

- [ ] If it’s something major, he will verbally ask you. He doesn’t necessarily need your “word” a head nod will do but he will make sure he doesn’t genuinely upset you.

- [ ] He REALLY listens when you speak. Knowing how rare it is and how important it is. If he’s in the middle of something or fighting something will still be listening for you always. He also makes a point not to interrupt you or talk over you.

- [ ] Appreciates when you talk because of how rare it is and especially if you hold a conversation with him. Doesnt take that for granted.

- [ ] He really enjoys your laugh. Will do everything he can to hear it. He’s cheeky and playful so you being quiet isn’t going to make him treat you differently.

- [ ] Before you get together Wukong is NOT subtle at all. He’s always someone who goes for what he wants so he’s going to be clear about it and of course watch for your reactions or wait for your cues.

- [ ] When you give him the go ahead to court you / date you he is soooooo happy and well….hes a cuddle bug and touch starved so he’s going to be all over you.

- [ ] He did the playing and wrestling things with his kind but he wasn’t really one to share in the more ‘lovey dovey’ things or familial bonding things outside of playing with or grooming the monkey cubs that look up to him. He’s always been their “King” and while he was always amongst them as one of them he wasn’t truly ‘one’ of them, keeping himself a little apart from those more social things. Plus he’s lead a VERY hard life, focused on his own goals and his people…becoming the great sage and going through all his trials. He isnt used to “soft”. Until you. Now he cant get enough.

- [ ] Making sure you know he cares for you by being affectionate and generous with his kisses, hugs, and his tail wrapped around you or touching you.

- [ ] He also really enjoys that he can be calm and quiet with you. You giving him that space to be peaceful and just NOT talk is something he didnt know he needed. You being there when he just needs to think or work through something and not asking questions or expecting him to chat about it is something he REALLY appreciates.

- [ ] He also really loves the quiet cuddles after a long day or just taking an afternoon nap with you. You’re peace, home.

- [ ] As you progress through your relationship at times he may require verbal communication, why? Because as much as he can read you now, he doesnt want to mess this up. So at times when it’s more serious or maybe taking things to another level he’s going to want a verbal answer even it’s a short one.

- [ ] He’s also generous with his affectionate words - over time. Be it pet names or telling you how gorgeous you are. He loves complimenting you and affirming to you that he treasures you. So him saying “I love you” while it wasn’t right away it was something you heard in his tone and actions.

- [ ] When he DOES say it he doesnt expect a response because hes secure in your returned quiet affections.

- [ ] For real though, you giving him THOSE eyes or your body language telling him you want monkey snuggles? Oh boy does that make his tail wag and his chest puff up with pride. He LOVES that you want that from him and cant wait to give you all the kisses and snuggles.

- [ ] When you finally tell him you love him? Verbally? Yeah….he whole world is gonna know. You may need to kiss him to shut him up or fight off his kisses because he’s going to be a kissing FEIND with how happy he is He will also give you the biggest snuggle and bear hug and rub his cheek against yours. You’re not getting out of his hold for a while.

[multifandomgirl08]

A Lioness Protects Her Cub [Mini Verstappen Series]

Dad!Max Verstappen x Fem!Reader (Established Relationship)

Summary: Reporters are vultures and Max picks out a ring.

Warning(s): Mention of Jos Verstappen (in passing), Mixed formatting (Story + Article + Social Media)

A/N: Credit for this idea goes to @yeea-nah. It was a awesome prompt, and I ran with it as much as I could given the outline that I already had for this series. Switched up the order of what you gave me, I hope it's what you were thinking when you send in that comment. This really felt like it wrote itself.

Words: 2.1k

Previous Part → Next Part Mini Verstappen Masterlist

After you and Max had made the choice to let people know about Nico there was a bit of backlash. It was always the media, the fans weren't so bad.

There were questions thrown at Max about, if now that he was a parent would it stop him from racing? Would it make him less competitive now that he had someone else to think about?

"Why should it? I won my first championship when my son was a year old. I'm not going to stop doing something that both my son and I cherish."

There had been backlash to that comment, mostly something about Max's father who you never met. Max and his dad had a big falling out after Nico had come into Max's life. Max had found out that Jos had tried to pay his ex-girlfriend off so that Max would never find out about Nico. They hadn't talked since.

You had tried to talk to Max about it but it just made him upset, so you only tried to bring it up once.

It had taken you a while to get more accustomed to going to races. It was strange to have people watching you, from what you were wearing to how you interacted with the other WAGs on the grid.

You never thought you would have to deal with reporters.

You had come to learn that reporters would do anything for a story, even if it meant causing conflicts themselves.

You hadn't heard what was said before. Just the tail end of the reporter's comment, "Think about it this way, if they ever let Nico Verstappen compete at a competitive level. Then what is going to happen to this sport? More of the same shit. Do you see the example that Verstappen is setting for his child?"

You didn't know what the reporter was talking about specifically, you didn't want to presume the worst. However, you still felt like you needed to say something about this. She had no right to talk about Nico that way, let alone Max. She didn't know what he was like as a parent or how he was raising Nico.

"Excuse me, I don't appreciate you talking about my son that way, let alone his father." You interjected to the reporter.

You knew that you probably shouldn't have said anything but you couldn't help yourself. This person didn't know Max, they didn't see the way that Max was concerned about Nico when he got sick or how Max lit up when Nico would talk about what he did while he was at daycare. They didn't have a right to make assumptions about their relationship as father and son.

"You have no idea how my boyfriend is raising our son. For someone who works in the world of sports, it is not your place to comment on how he parents. It is disgusting, not only that you would say such a thing, but that you are also talking about a child." You hoped your words would bite at her and make her think about what she had just said.

The reporter looked shocked, face slack and eyes wide. Like she couldn't believe that you would stand up for your boyfriend and son.

"I'm assuming that you just misspoke. If that's the case I would like an apology for what you've said about my son." You could tell there were cameras around you now, you could feel them.

"I'm not going to apologize. Your boyfriend is a dirty driver, who can't control himself, and I'm sure that once "your" son is out of karts, he is going to be just the same." She made air quotes at the word your. Like Nico wasn't your child, as if you weren't helping raise him, take him to daycare in the mornings, pick him up afterwards, and tuck him into bed when Max wasn't home.

The reporter was out of line for saying that.

You wanted to say something else but felt a grip on your arm and turned around to see Steve standing there. If Christian had sent over Steve, who was the head of social media. Then this could turn into a problem rather fast. You followed Steve away from the group of people before your eyes met those of Lewis Hamilton's.

He gave you a slight nod as if to say, good for you, standing up for yourself and Nico.

You knew that Max and Lewis didn't get along but you had talked to the Mercedes driver a few times and you got along rather well, even if it was only in passing.

Two Days Later - Tuesday

Max Verstappen's girlfriend gets into a verbal altercation with a reporter over comments about son Nico Verstappen

Laurence Andrews, F1 Editor May 7, 2024, 6:28 ET

Two days ago on Sunday after the end of the Miami Grand Prix, a reporter from The Sun was seen being yelled at by Max Verstappen's longtime girlfriend Y/N L/N. The reporter made comments about the example that Verstappen was setting for his child. L/N alleging that the reporter's comments were "...disgusting..."

The Dutch driver's girlfriend immediately after requested an apology from the reporter about comments made about Verstappen's parenting, and the way that they were raising their child saying that it wasn't any of the reporters business.

The reporter refused to apologise to Verstappen's girlfriend about the comments made and then proceeded to further comment about how Verstappen is a dirty driver. Then said once their child was out of karting would be just the same as his father.

Verstappen's girlfriend was visibly angry but didn't get a chance to comment further before the head of Red Bull Racing's PR team; Steve Garland came out to take L/N away from the reporter.

Full footage of the altercation can be found on YouTube.

(You can also read the full story at espn.com/f1/red-bull/......./)

Thursday - Emilia Romagna

"I have a question for Max." He heard.

Max was used to the media the day before race weekend started, it was mostly the same questions about the car and new upgrades that had been made.

He moved to pick up his mic from where it laid on the couch.

"I was just wondering how you feel about what happened in Miami with your girlfriend and the reporter two weekends ago?" He heard. He raised his eyebrows at the question.

He tried to conceal how he was really feeling. It was something he was not expecting to be asked. It wasn’t an approved question, that he was sure of.

"Well, I guess all I can really say is that I think that my girlfriend acted to protect our son. The reporter did end up apologizing for what she said even if Red Bull PR did have to step in. As a couple, we are very private in how we raise him. I didn't tell quite a few people that I had a son because of things like two weekends ago. I wanted to prevent the media from talking about him as much as possible. Obviously, that didn't happen..." He said honestly. They didn’t need to know how happy it made him to see that Y/N was protecting Nico from the media.

He and Y/N hadn't talked about what had happened with the reporter. He, more than anyone understood reacting when it came to people in the media. It was just a part of the sport. There wasn't anything that could be done, aside from asking for an apology or in the case of Miami, some form of a retraction to the statements that were made against him.

"Does that affect how you raise him? When things happen on the track during a race?" He got as a follow-up.

"No, it doesn't. My life with my family is completely different from when I'm in the car. I don't let those two worlds... collide. When I'm here, I'm focused on being in the car and what I need to do for the race. When I'm at home with them, I'm just with my family. So... No, it doesn’t affect how he's raised." He felt like that should keep quite a few more of those types of questions at bay from being asked.

"Thank you, Max."

"Yup." He said with a tight smile and a small nod.

One Weeks Later - Monaco

“No, it needs to be bigger.” He said as he stood in front of the display with the rings. They all looked too small.

“Mate, it’s a ring, not a paperweight.” Daniel said.

“I know.” He couldn't help but shift scratching at the back of his neck.

"I thought you were going to wait until the season was over to get Y/N a ring?" The Monégasque driver said.

"I was but then I realized that I didn't want to wait until then." He kept looking into all the display cases. He didn't like anything that he was seeing.

"Is it about what that reporter said to Y/N? Because if it is, she handled it like a pro." Charles looked confused glancing at Daniel unaware of what had happened in Miami.

“Maybe,” he said coyly. It wasn’t the only reason, but it was one of them.

Most of the drivers in the paddock had seen the clip of Y/N verbally chewing the reporter out. It was caught on camera and ended up on Instagram and TikTok within the next few days.

"She publically requested an apology with cameras present and the reporter wouldn't give her one until Red Bull PR stepped in," Daniel explained as they walked around the store. "You've got a good one on your hands."

Max couldn't help but smile at the memory of hearing Y/N call Nico her son.

“Look at him, glowing with pride for his woman.” Daniel teased.

Max couldn't help it, knowing that Y/N saw Nico as her son, it solidified finally going and picking out a ring for her. Waiting until there was a break in the schedule to go and pick out a ring made him anxious. He didn’t know what type of ring Y/N would want, but he knew it had to be the best. She deserved nothing but that.

He had asked that Daniel and Charles come with him to Harry Winston to help him pick out a ring. He didn’t know what he was doing, but maybe they could help him figure it out.

“Can I help you three gentlemen?” The man behind the counter asked. He was in glasses and a pressed suit.

“Yes, our mate here is looking for a ring.” Charles gave Max a slight shove toward the counter. Max managed to keep his footing against the marble flooring.

The guy behind the counter eyed Max up and down for a second.

“Do you have an idea of what you are looking for, a carat size in mind?” A what size in mind? Carrot? Was he talking about how big the diamond was?

“No, but all of the ones you have on display look too small.” At the word small it made the eyes of the man behind the counter go wide. As if dealing with the three younger men had just made his day.

From there Max sat down with the sales manager of the store and got a custom ring made for Y/N. It was a platinum fully paved tripled shank band design with a 6-carat cushion-cut diamond and diamond halo in the center. At least that was what the man told him from what he had chosen.

Daniel had looked proud while Charles looked shocked at how much time it took to design a ring. Maybe he should have asked Lewis to come with him even if they didn’t get along. Lewis did wear quite a bit of jewelry and it was normally covered in diamonds. Oh well, he would get to see a picture of what it would look like before he had to pick it up.

They would call him when it was ready and he would be able to pick it up, he didn’t want it to get shipped to his apartment in case he was away after it was ready.

ynlnusername

Liked by danielricciardo, yourbestfriend, and 257,533 others

tagged: maxverstappen1

ynlnusername My Lion 🦁. Loving, protective, and courageous. Always.

maxverstappen1 mijn leeuwin

fan1 I am here for Y/N thursting for her man

fan2 The dad Max content is always appreciated!

fan3 Umm.. Pet names! HELLO!!

fan5 Max didn't want to mention his pet name for Y/N in his last interview. Now he decides to drop it on us!

fan4 Lipstick on his shoulder! Imagine if he got that tattooed!

Translation:

mijn leeuwin - my lioness

taglist: @karmabyfernando, @barcagirly, @sachaa-ff, @iamahallucinationnn, @musingsbyshreya, @glow-ish, @nonsensical-nonsence

[luna-loveboop]

@kikker-oma

Happy Fan Joy July, Oma!!!

Oma, thank you so so much for making Fan Joy July and sharing it with us! Our fandom, our artists, writers, readers, etc have loved seeing or taking part in this crazy challenge.

This is our gift to thank you- from artists all around who were affected by, or got gifts from, or took part in Fan Joy July. We all love you so much- so we made letters/art for this (Zelda themed!). Many said that they had already wanted to make/write you something, and this gave an opportunity.

One of the things I've loved about this month is how community/interaction centered you made it. The challenge was for yourself to make art each day (you absolute maniac /affectionate)- but then others joined. This July we saw or made art or fics with recommendations. Every day you made art for a writer with a scene from one of their fics, and inspired others to do the same, and writers even wrote every day for an artist based off an art piece they made! This led to a month of gift giving- everyone interacting and getting love for creating.

You truly led to a month of Joy for a lot of loz/lu fans- making the name "Fan Joy July" quite accurate

Thank you, Oma

Thank you for the gifts you gave all of us and the way you inspire others

Additional ramblings and art credits below the cut :P

I'm so grateful to all my artists who stepped up so we could do this when I asked- almost 36 hours and 19 artists. The art is like patchwork, with all these different styles, both traditional and digital put together. But that's exactly what happened- we all got drawn together, just like the other month-long challenges. It's so cool how art always connects people.

The artists who participated are @zolanort @la-sera @nancyheart11 @galenfeadraws @shade-pup-cub @arecaceae175 @isasan347 @ghosthoard @smilesrobotlover @unexpectedstormy @skyloftian-nutcase @knight-of-aether @uniquevoidflowers @jinxedruby @windwakingwhale @skyward-floored @xaeorian @blarefordaglare and me Thank you to all of you- You are all so cool and I'm glad! If I accidentally missed tagging or listing someone please let me know I'm so scared of if that happened djskdjdkd

There are letters based off of the colours/theme of each of the Lu boys- it's mainly Zelda and linkeduniverse themed... but we couldn't not have frogs for Oma! I did a frog, his name is Froggy and I'm very proud.

Here's a picture with a list of who did what-

Normally I would apologise for my handwriting, but you guys would just tell me it looks good anyways and honestly it does look good. :D Sorry for the ink splotches tho, and I hope you can read it.

We did this for you, Oma, because... well you are awesome /gen. You gave us the opportunity for a great month and we wanted to say thank you for all the joy you brought us so... thank you :)

Art :D

As for everyone who said they wanted to talk to Oma or other Fan Joy July artists who they loved sharing this month with... feel free to tag and share in the reblogs. Share the joy I guess- there's enough to go around :D

Happy Fan Joy July, Oma :))

[faeryarchives]

savanaclaw with a furina - like female reader!

the "regina of all waters, kindreds, peoples and laws" is deeply loved by all. under her flamboyant and imprudent facade, lies a girl holding an unbearable weight and guilt on her shoulders to save her people. note: as requested and i love furina sm hihi i will also write for other dorms warning: major spoilers for genshin archon quest other fics: heartslabyul with a furina-like reader & i'm not jealous !! & to my beloved & more than words

-‘๑’- leona kingscholar

"huh? what is the esteemed dorm leader of savanaclaw doing in front of my house?" "... why do you look like you didn't sleep for days? nevermind, take back your pets - they've been following me the whole day and poking me with water." "oh my archons, they like you!"

leona knew different kinds of people, faes and beastmen but never a god! not that you broadcasted it to the world - of course he heard it while grim was chatting away from the garden

so this lion observed your moves and to be honest, you were just like an ordinary person

"what are you doing hiding behind me?" "ahem! you know, i don't really know the forest that much so i would appreciate if i would put myself behind yo- ahhh! what is that?!" "it's just a branch, herbivore. i never knew you are scared of branches."

he actually gained another chess player buddy - he discovered it at the cost of being drenched in water from your water familiars

never he would imagine how on earth did you not go crazy standing in for your archon and acting for so so long? and despite belittling you and your friend group, he couldn't believe his ears when you stood up for him against the other dorms

"what leona did was wrong but how would you feel if all the trainings and efforts were all in naught and overlooked by the people you considered as family? imagine if your fate has already been sealed before you were even born?"

oh, he didn't expect you of all people to do that honestly + not so bad at all so expect a lot of sweets everyday curtesy of this lion

don't tell anyone but with you acting just as yourself and discovering your passions with him as a witness - leona feels proud like a lion watching his cub succeed

extra: you and cheka really go along well to the point that leona thinks cheka might replace him with you someday

-‘๑’- ruggie bucchi

ruggie trusts his skills in sneaking around and swiping things if needed and he will bet that no one could ever discover him immediately

"after pulling a prank on grim and my salon members, you must think that i am much of a gullible fool?"

now you both did really met at a rough start - the hyena thought you would be more snobbish and not to mingle with people below his level especially after hearing you being a god

but seeing you shielding him during leona's overblot and regularly visiting him during his recovery at the clinic made him questioned his thoughts about you

"why are you always visiting me? i thought you hated me?" "...? where did you get that nonsense? if i do hate you, i would go out of my way to buy these doughnuts for you."

well look at you two now! close like two peas in a pod - you really enjoyed spending time with ruggie because you were seeing the world in a different perspective

having hard time picking your new macaroni menu for the day? no worries, ruggie will make sure you will be able to cook other meals than this. not good with bargaining with sam? hold his groceries, he have this in the bag.

"more interesting trinkets for me~!" "oh you collect trinkets? why didn't you say so?"

omg new trinket collector buddy 🥺 whenever you give him something such as a bracelet or even a hairclip he will wear it like a badge of honor

it's alright to help other students but he is worried that being to kind in nrc might backfire on you

"you shouldn't be too trusting here. i know you just want to help but like your friends said - you should also help yourself at times."

while he might not look like it but ruggie can sense your mood change accurately especially when it involves the topic of your past

this one whole year on nrc might not be comparable to your 500 years of living but ruggie will make sure that it will be the best one

-‘๑’- jack howl

other than the adeuce and grim team - jack is the person you actually vibe with!

maybe its because his sense of justice and responsibility reminds you of a dear friend back home and it actually comforts you to see it + makes you feel less homesick

this man is very used to his little siblings so expect him to come off as a brotherly vibes + probably makes you an exemption to touching his ears and letting your salon members put some design in his hair

"... do you think these three would be great teammates during magift competitions?"

"hmmm, i must say they do make a great team. what if we bring it up to leona, i think these three will enjoy it very much."

well the dorm leader liked the idea but seeing how they acted during the practice - it's safe to say it is very risky because they only listen to you, jack and leona

ANYWAYS jack sometimes come to the ramshackle dorm just to wake you up knowing you probably stayed up late reading your novels

he tried inviting you to his morning run only to see you the next day already tired and carrying you on his back after one run

"you can't blame me okay! i was born to drama and directing not in running!"

speaking of carrying you on his back he sometimes do it just because he wants to especially when jack knows too well how much you overwork yourself

while he can read you very well, you can also read this guy by the book through his ears and tail movement

"... jack what are you doing here so late?" "…what? it’s not like i was waiting for you or anything." "i never said that though?" "hmp." while he look away, his tail would impatiently wag and hit the wall behind him making you laugh "uhuh, whatever you say. let's go back to our dorms now big guy."

it turns out that while spending the whole afternoon up to evening, jack wanted to accompany you back to the dorm safely - worried that someone is bullying you because you were down for days.

he is not that expressive with words - but just know that jack will always be your friend despite your upbringings or not being open to tell your past, he understands it pretty well

[earthnashes]

Melon didn't stand a chance.

One moment he's staring the end of their journey over the horizon, and the next he's sent plummeting into the awaiting maw of the trench he stood over by a hearty smack of a claw.

He yelps as he tumbles, twisting in the air for a heartstopping moment before his back meets a crag. Mario's cries are muted by rushing wind as he slips again, falling falling falling--

A heavy thud echoes as he collides--bounces-- off another rock face. His ears rings with the rattling in his skull---

A sharp thwack of his head hitting a jutting ledge, and suddenly Melon doesn't hear-- or feel-- much of anything the rest of the way down.

A metal tang coats his tongue red, and the sting of the air bites against his bruises.

 No weight on his back anymore-- 

Everything hurts. 

--the boy...Mario. Where's Mario? D-did he fall too--

Can't move.

--he needs to get up. His human cub, he could be hurt o-or--- get up--

Stay down.

--get up get up GET UP-- 

Melon stays down, can't muster the strength to listen to the mantra in his head. Instead, all he hears is the desperate wails of Mario, and it's enough to force his eyes open just a sliver. He blearily looks up.

At the edge of the cliff he tumbled from stands the silhouettes he can only barely make out; three huge, three smaller, all laughing and pointing and grinning toothily at the heap of him. The leader- and he must be, with how he leers cockily over the ledge-- sneers down at him.

"Thank ye for the delivery, lad! We've been lookin' all over for this little bastard," he says, and without a care he swings a hollering Mario over the ledge by the scruff. The boy twists precariously in his grip --one slip from falling-- and reaches out for Melon with terrified tears in his eyes. He wails some semblance of his name, and Melon feels his gut twist.

no

"Come now, lad, I see that long face from here; ye nothin' to worry about! Brat may've been a pain in the arse to get, but it'll be worth it in the end. Pirate's Honor: we'll take real good care of 'em," The leader gloats, ugly grin stretching wider as he flicks the boy's nose with a sharp claw. "Just like we have his snivellin' flake of a brother. They'll fetch a fine cut yet."

No no no give him back

"I reckon ye wanna say g'bye at least, aye? I could grant that much, bein' a frog of honor and wot-not." The captain holds Mario high above his head, like an angler would his prized catch, and grins down at Melon from his spot above.

"Go on then. Tell 'em 'afore I change me mind."

Something twisted and ugly clogs Melon's throat with bile and copper. He bares his teeth and tries tries tries to bark, to roar, anything to demand his human cub back to him.

GIVE HIM BACK, his mind screetches. But all that crawls out of his mouth is a rattling, broken whimper. It drags his strength with it by the scruff, spilling in a tiny puddle of spittle and grime and blood as his vision begins to waver. His eyes glaze over and fall closed against his will.

And within the canopy of booming laughs and grating cackles, the last thing Melon hear is Mario's cries.

--------------------------------------------

AND HERE IT IS.

Part 10 of Melon's Adventure, FINALLY COMPLETE, and with it Arc 1 of this story has come to a close!

I'm glad I managed to finish this arc even with it being forced into a hiatus alongside my burnout months back; I had an absolute blast revisiting my childhood and telling the story in a way I've always imagined it as a kid.

Now, given that it's been a while since the last part, I've taken the liberty to compile all of Melon's Adventure into the #melon's adventure tag for ease of access if you'd like to read it back from the beginning!

Despite this marking the end of Arc 1, I'm hoping to make this the start of me delving back into my Super Mario AU, albeit in a slightly different way. There's still plenty of stories there I'd love to share with ya'll. :>

In fact, in related news: I'm actually planning on opening an online store, and my first planned launch will be themed on Melon's Adventure! More information to come on that relatively soon as more work is done.

At any rate, I hope ya'll enjoyed this story! More to come soon! owo

[jymwahuwu]

I'm sorry Q-Q this is what I was thinking about recently, I was just thinking about the elders scolded Dan Feng for bringing shame on them, and Dan Feng was expressionless and exuding vague annoyance...

cw: sexist, dan feng is a bastard here, lactation

You, an immortal concubine, want to divorce Dan Feng. (He has no wife, you are his only concubine).

You really can't stand him being so authoritarian and traditional. You spend your days sucking his cock and taking care of the dragon pups. You've heard that divorce is quite normal on other planets. Early one morning, you filed for divorce from Dan Feng. High Elder thought you were losing your temper, just like always. He didn't respond.

It was already a week later when he realized that you really meant it - everyone in Xianzhou Luofu knew. This gossipy news spread a lot, and there was a lot of discussion, and it reached the top of the news search rankings several times. No concubine ever divorced the High Elder. Having said that, as a concubine, do you have the right to divorce him? What does the law say? No one had thought about this problem before.

The other elders have been talking a lot, reprimanding Dan Feng for embarrassing them. To let such a scandal spread throughout Luofu. Even his concubine abandoned him. How could this happen? And he turned his back to them, thinking, expressionless.

A few days later, Dan Feng found you. You live in a women's advocacy group. You opened the door and found the figure of the High Elder. You were frightened and took a few steps back. You tried to close the door, but he grabbed the edge of the door again. Other employees tried to stop him.

"Dan Feng, you should know that the divorce lawsuit is ongoing. It is not appropriate for you to meet her now. If you have anything to say, please tell us. We will convey it to her." The employee warned.

"Is there a restraining order here?" He just asked, wagging the dragon's tail slightly.

"…It's okay." You nodded and smiled at the employee. "I have nothing to be afraid of. I also want to tell him something." So you let Dan Feng enter your room. You raised your chin, "What do you want to say? I've had enough of you!"

"Really?" Dan Feng just touched your sensitive spots skillfully, touching your clitoris with his fingers and swirling them around, and grabbed your breasts that were still leaking milk with his other hand. You are shocked. He blew into your ear. "…Enough of what?"

You didn't want the members outside to hear you moan, so you could only cover your mouth in a hurry to prevent some inappropriate sounds from leaking out.

"Don't get a divorce…I know you want to stay in the family…" His fingers pinched your nipples and you held back a scream.

"What news did you hear about other planets? You thought you were very independent…" Dan Feng wiped your milk and flicked your areola. "The truth is, you're not. You've been with me for over a hundred years. Are you leaking breasts and thinking about divorce at the same time?"

You bend over, the pleasure radiating from your chest spurring tears to stream down your cheeks. You wanted to struggle, but found that Dan Feng's grasp was simply irresistible. He even entangled your legs with his dragon's tail as usual.

"Give up. Divorce." He emphasized every word.

A week later, you cancel your divorce request. You returned to Dan Feng. He put one of the dragon cubs back into your arms, and they lay on top of you to drink milk. He gave a faint smile.

[enkays-den]

Hermits as birds from where they live/were born!

note: my knowledge is centered around North American birds, so sorry if the european ones aren't super accurate

Bdubs: Northern Saw-Whet Owl. He's just a little guy with big eyes. Small and evil, love him

Cub: Common Starling. Skulk like-iridescence, incredibly friendly. Plus, with Cub running the horn store this season, he NEEDED to be the bird that can imitate pretty much any noise it hears

Doc: Bonelli's Eagle. Large raptor found in Germany. It's straight "brow" and hunched posture remind me of Doc

Etho: Common Loon. THE! CANADIAN! BIRD! Despite being "common", their pattern is simply EXQUISITE Plus, it has a red eye! Also listen to the noises these things make, it's literally stock nature sounds all in one bird. Also, I'd put Etho on my one dollar coin.

False: Barn Owl. Very elegant owl, I just feel it suits her, that's all. Very stately posture.

Gem (Season 10 specifically): Great Blue Heron. It's a fisher, it's blue, it's menacing, what more could you ask for?

Scar (Hotguy): Double-crested Cormorant: A waterfowl bc scar did competitive swimming, it's got a slightly funky shape which I feel suits scar's personality. It also has the Hotguy colors!

Grian: Eurasian Bullfinch. Parrot Grian will not reign supreme. Look at that little guy. He's mischievous, he's red, I do not trust him.

Hypno: Stellar's Jay. My provincial bird! I just think both have very chill and cool personalities

Jevin: Lazuli Bunting. Just a little blue guy!

Impulse: American Goldfinch. Black and yellow, need I say more?

Iskall: Booted Eagle. Something about a stout raptor just feels right. Look at that posture. Reminds me of when Iskall tries to copy the brits' accents.

Joe: Turkey Vulture. Although seen as odd or menacing, all vultures are integral to the local ecosystem and are in actuality, very elegant and gentle birds.

Keralis: Boreal Owl. Yes, I did make the two guys with big eyes owls, What of it? LOOK at him. Put a little hardhat on him, put a little hawiian shirt on him. Precious sweet face.

Mumbo: Avocet. It's basically a vibe check and a mustache joke.

Peal: Black Swan. Big 5AM Pearl vibes. Giant, beautiful, protective. Love that for her.

Ren: Giant Kingfisher. Obligatory King Ren joke, it's a South African bird, and it's kinda goofy looking. I think the speckled feathers look like a ruffled fur collar on a king's cape.

Skizz: Golden Eagle. Large, majestic, hella strong, and he's wearing pants :3

Joel: Tree Swallow. Very small, beautiful, agile bird. The swallow's wings remind me of Asian art styles.

Stress: Magpie. GOR-JUS and LOUD. Imagine her next to Iskall (they're very similar in size, bless them)

Tango: Swainson's Hawk. I fought every bone in my body to not make an Arizona Cardinals joke when I already made a Phoenix Coyotes one maybe half an hour before. The Swainson's hawk is on the smaller size, but still a deadly spitfire, which I think suits Tango

TFC: Brown Pelican. A solitary bird, definitely a rare sighting. TFC was always joking about how much he would eat, I thought a pelican was apt

Beef: Barred Owl. MY FAVORITE OWL. I literally call them 'round beefy boys' and they're just so sweet and I love them

Wels: American Kestrel. I LOVE these little guys. Simply the smallest, cutest and beautiful falcon there is. They're about the size of a pigeon. It's just got such a regal posture despite being a little cutie.

XB: Rock Pigeon. Despite being common and seen as a "dumb pest", they are pretty intelligent, there's a reason they were used to carry messages around. They're also a close relation to doves! The green collar also is like the jacket collar on his skin.

Xisuma: Semipalmated Plover. X and Mumbo were both chosen because of how those birds run on the beach. They're RIDICULOUS. This subspecies is exclusively because it look like he's wearing a little helmet.

Zedaph: Firecrest. Just the GOOFIEST little guy I found on the wiki of British birds. Look at that thing /aff. Also, Zed do be blowing up a lot

Cleo: Partridge. Beautiful bird, looks like they want to kill you in your sleep, just like Cleo.

[avocado-writing]

Could I please request the bg3 ladies and the kinds of things they like to say during sex? (dw I follow a couple people who regularly have 100+ requests so I don't mind the wait ^^) Thanks!

Huehehe >:3 very nsfw, minors dni -

Karlach

Very, very talkative during sex. Loves to let you know how into it she is, how good you're making her feel.

Her breath is constantly hot and needy against your skin as she talks her way through your lovemaking:

"Fuck, yeah, like that..."

"Gods, you are perfect, you know? Just fucking perfect..."

And, usually with a lot of enthusiasm, "More!"

Not above a love confession in the heat of the moment.

Smokes a cigar after. Buries her face into your shoulder and mutters about how wonderful you are.

Lae'zel

Not super chatty during sex, mostly just talks in order to challenge or assert dominance, or perhaps to give orders.

Either way, always speaks with a gravelly voice as she tries not to lose herself to pleasure.

"Go harder."

"Yes... more of that... I want to feel how many fingers you can fit inside me..."

"I want you to make me cum now."

Says little in the afterglow, but happy to give you as many bite-heavy kisses as you want.

Shadowheart

Oh, loves to tell you what to do. How to please her. Her soft voice is a kitten's mewl in your ear, begging you onwards, always sultry if sullen...

"Hmm... I like that... do it again..."

"I want to see how you taste. Open your legs for me."

"I love the little noises you make. Moan for me?"

Cuddly after sex, but makes smalltalk. The two of you might be naked and sharing a bedroll, but that doesn't mean you're not carrying on bitching together like it's any other night at the fire...

Minthara

Oh, she likes to give orders too. Is a top. Is not a fan of you trying to instruct her.

Still, though, relatively reassuring during your time together, even if it can be downright teasing sometimes.

"Come on. You can wait a little bit longer."

"If I tell you that you can't cum, you can't."

"Behave for me. I know that you want to... and you'll be rewarded, darling."

Is good at aftercare, but quiet about it. Checks that you're okay, gets you something to drink and eat if needed, and then holds you in a vice-grip for the rest of the night.

Jaheira

Not saying she's going to lean into the age thing, but...

Under the assumption that she is older than you, sees how much referring to it turns you on, she is an utter tease.

"Come on, little cub. You've got one more in you yet, hm?"

"Come here. I know you can keep up..."

"Gods above, you are so beautiful..."

Falls asleep with you quickly after. You'll be worn out enough that it isn't an issue.

[rosenbergamot]

“Gri, how do you feel about Mumbo?” Scar asks one day as they’re cuddling against one another.

Scar’s legs have been hurting him more than usual, so Grian is taking it upon himself to massage them. He’s on the calves right now, planning very stealthily and sneakily to move up from calf to thigh to somewhere much less PG than this. He stops his massaging, fixes Scar with a look. 

“Why do you ask?” 

His grin is bright. “Oh, well… I was just thinking about him. He’s pretty cute, isn’t he?”

He could tell from his tone where this was going to go. The way his face starts to warm up is indicative of his answer, but he knows that Scar likes it when he actually tells him things even if he can always understand otherwise. “Well… of course he is. He’s Mumbo.” 

Scar leans in closer, urging him on with a nod. “Mhm? And?”

“And-- and I really like Mumbo, Scar. You know this.” 

“I do, I do!” He waves his hand. “But how much do you like Mumbo?” 

This makes him continue his massaging, if only to get away from those knowing eyes. Why now of all times does he bring this up? “I like him a lot, Scar.”

He bats his pretty eyes at him, “as much as me, Grian?” 

Deciding not to give that a response, he continues to talk. “I mean, I’ve known him for a long time, and I’ve always felt differently towards him. He’s… special to me. I can’t imagine my life without him. Can you imagine me without Mumbo? It’s sacrilegious, Scar! I wouldn’t survive! Heck, he wouldn’t survive!”

“Gri…” Scar’s voice is soft and syrupy. He reaches up to card a hand through his hair. That forces his eyes away from his legs, up to his face, and the way he smiles makes him melt. He leans into the touch. “Say, I like Mumbo a lot too. A lot a lot.” He wiggles his eyebrows. “How about we break the question to him?”

His mouth falls open. “You like him too?”

“Grian! Have you seen the way I look at him?” 

Oh. Now that he’s thinking about it, he absolutely has. Scar looks at Mumbo with a certain kind of reverence, a shine in his eyes, a longing that he hasn’t seen since the desert, since the two of them would lay centimetres apart underneath the desert moon. For having experienced that firsthand, he sure did forget what it looked like.

Oh, plus he also looks like he wants to devour Mumbo sometimes, a fact which he had attributed to him being a vex rather then him being insanely attracted to him. God. How much has he been missing?

“Huh.” And just like that, a smile starts to form on his face. “Let’s do it, then!” 

Scar cheers and pumps his fist, the movement jostling their comfortable position. He leans over, pressing a kiss to his cheek, warm and solid and sweet. “I didn’t think you were ever going to go for him! So proud of you, G.” 

He moves to kiss him again and Grian stops him with a hand to his chest. Scar pouts. He tries to put on as serious a face as he can muster. It doesn't really work. “Yeah, yeah, that’s all well and good, but how about we talk about you and Cub now?” 

Scar straightens up immediately, face screwing into something that Grian can only describe as dread. He checks his empty wrist, makes an astonished face. “Oh, goodness, would you look at that! I’m late for… for a meeting!” He rolls off of Grian, falls to the ground with a solid thunk. “And my legs feel so much better, Gri! It’s like magic. You’re so good at massaging them and I love you so much and I can't wait to have Mumbo be with us and-- goodbye have a good time!” 

He’s out the door before Grian can say anything to him.

That’s okay. He’ll get him next time. 

[lionlena]

Unforgivable mistake (JoelMillerxreader) Part 11

Summary: Reader is much younger than Joel and is in love with  him. One night, after arguing with Tess and getting drunk, Joel spends  the night with a reader, but in the morning he breaks her heart…  She  runs away from Boston hoping that she will never meet this cold bastard  again in her life. But almost six years later, she unexpectedly sees  Joel in Jackson. She decides to hide herself and her little secret from  this asshole.

Warnings: age gap (reader is about 28 years, Joel 58),  strong language, swearing, past trauma, bullying, attempted rape, memories of sexual abuse, unprotect p in v,  dom!Joel, Joel is asshole, ANGST, hurt, sadness and heartbreaking, sexual harassment, women abuse, violence, injury, sickness, misunderstanding, breakdown

I'm sorry you had to wait for this new chapter for so long. I hope I will write 11 much faster ;) Sorry, I tried 🥺

Part 11

You woke up and felt the cold take over your body. You wrinkled your nose. You were sure Joel had stoked the furnace before you went to bed, but you were too sleepy to worry about that now. You wanted to spend a few more minutes to sleep, so you snuggled into Joel's warm body, hugging his back. You heard him purr softly in contentment. Then you pressed your icy nose into the back of his neck and heard a hiss.

"Brat…" he croaked sleepily and you giggled.

"It's cold," you replied innocently.

You were about to ask him if he had actually put more wood into the furnace when your son ran into your bedroom happily shouting:

"Snow! Snow! There's snow everywhere! Lots of…"

Then you understood everything, it snowed overnight, and winter in Jackson had begun in earnest. You sighed with dissatisfaction and closed your eyes, burying your face in Joel's warm back. For your son, snow meant fun, and for you, it meant more work. You knew you'd have to go to the stables earlier to make sure there wasn't too much snow on the roof and that the horses were well secured.

Teddy jumped on your bed and started laughing happily. Joel pulled him to his chest and ruffled his hair.

"You say it's snowing, bear cub… Will you turn into a polar bear now?"

The little boy squealed happily.

"Yes… Shall we build a snowman, Daddy?"

Even though you weren't happy with the snow and cold, you couldn't help but smile widely. Joel and Teddy's interaction was always so sweet and adorable. And you knew Joel's chest would swell every time he heard the word "daddy."

"Sure! We'll build ten snowmen! But first… We'll eat breakfast and put you into something warm clothes."

Teddy was so happy he didn't even protest.

"I'll wake up Ellie and tell her it's snowing!"

Before you could react, the boy had already run to his adoptive, older sister. Joel chuckled to himself. He was sure that the teenage girl wouldn't be happy with this wake-up call, but at the same time, she would succumb to Teddy's charm and agree to build a snowman with him.

You sighed and hugged Joel even tighter, sliding your hands under his shirt. You felt his body react to your touches and heard his muffled growl. He grabbed your hands gently and moaned:

"Don't tease… Please…"

You felt remorse. You knew that sometimes your touch was unbearable for him. It wasn't that he didn't like the closeness. You just didn't realize sometimes how arousing your innocent caresses were. And at the same time, they were torture because they never led to anything more.

You removed your hands and sighed softly.

"Sorry."

Joel immediately turned to you. He pulled you to his chest and kissed your forehead. You could feel his bulge in his pants and it made you feel even worse.

"I'm sorry…" You said again, almost crying this time.

Joel immediately started caressing your face.

"Hey, hey… We talked about it. Don't apologize. I'm a big boy and… I can handle it."

You sighed and nodded. You didn't want to know the details of how Joel dealt with it. Although you had some idea.

"It's just that sometimes… I wish it were different…" you said with obvious disappointment in your voice.

Joel looked at you gently and kissed your nose.

"But it is what it is, and I love you no matter what."

His words filled you with warmth and you couldn't help but smile a little. You wanted that moment to last forever. The two of you in a warm bed, in your own little bubble of comfort.

"Joel! Your son is hungry and it is your responsibility to feed him and me!"

You both laughed as you heard Ellie scream from the hall. Joel rolled his eyes and you sighed. The peace is over. You groaned and got out of the warm blanket.

"I have to go to the stables early."

Joel nodded and handed you your warm sweater while he started putting on his jeans.

"I'll take care of everything. I don't start patrol until the evening."

You felt a slight twinge in your heart. You didn't like it when Joel had evening patrols. This meant he would come back late at night and you would have to fall asleep without his warmth. This day couldn't get any worse… . After three hours of work at the stables, you decided to go home for lunch and check how your boys were doing. But the closer you got to home, the faster your heart started beating and your brain began to go crazy. Joel stood and watched Teddy play with Rose, and next to him stood Emily, Tess's doppelgänger. You felt how your body instantly heated up and felt dizzy. And Joel seemed so… Happy?

The closer you got, the slower you walked, as if your feet were sinking into the ground. Your son saw you first. He smiled widely and waved at you.

"Hello, Mommy!"

Joel and Emily immediately turned around and you forced a smile and waved back to your little boy. Your baby boy didn't deserve your sour face. However, you couldn't be so relaxed when you stood in front of THIS woman. You murmured a greeting and really tried your hardest not to explode. It was so baseless, but… Emily was taller than you, more graceful, and… That damn face of young Tess.

"Are you having fun?"

Joel raised his eyebrows as if he didn't fully understand your question, so you added:

"With kids…"

Emily didn't seem to sense your baseless hatred because she smiled broadly and said,

"Oh yes, the kids are so happy and Joel builds great snowmen."

You wanted to imitate her: Oh, Joel builds great snowmen… But you bit your tongue.

"He was a builder after all."

God, You felt like the situation was getting more and more awkward by the second. You couldn't have given a better answer. Joel decided to save you because he chuckled softly and wrapped his arm around you.

"Finally, my skills from my previous life are useful for something."

You felt a little better when Joel showed you affection in front of 'Tess', but her next words ruined everything.

"Do you work in the stable?"

"Huh?"

"You have straw on your clothes."

You felt your blood boil. You wanted to strangle her. Maybe her words weren't meant to be malicious.

"Yes…" You muttered, then quickly added. "I just came for a short break. I'll eat something and go back to the horses. Have fun."

You walked away from them and had a hard time keeping yourself from slamming the door.

"You have straw on your clothes…" You said mockingly as you entered the kitchen.

Who was she to tell you that? At least your dirty clothes were proof that you worked, and what was she doing besides praising Joel's snowman-building skills?

"Ugh!"

You threw your jacket on the chair and opened the fridge, even though you had actually lost your appetite. You were about to stand in front of the living room window to watch Joel and Emily when he came back. He immediately gave you a worried look. He took off his jacket, hung it on the door, and walked over to you.

"It's okay, you seem kind of… Annoyed."

You nodded quickly and tried to swallow the bitterness you felt in your throat.

"Where's Teddy?"

"He went with Rose for a while… I'll pick him up in half an hour."

You couldn't help but groan in frustration, and with Joel's questioning look you replied:

"I don't like her. I mean, Emily… Not, Rose."

Joel seemed surprised by your answer.

"Why?"

"She said my clothes were dirty."

He couldn't help but giggle softly, but seeing your glare, he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around your waist.

"Babe, I think you misunderstood her. Emily is new here and she's curious. She noticed the straw, so… She wanted to confirm her suspicions."

You huffed, still feeling frustrated. Joel began to rock your hips, something he had learned to do when you were pouting. And you had to admit it always worked. Then he kissed your forehead and said in a calm, tender voice:

"I think you're tired. What if we do this? After I pick up Teddy, I'll go with him to the stables and help you with your work…"

You leaned against his strong chest and inhaled his scent. His offer was so tempting. Not to mention you'd be keeping an eye on him then.

"But you have your own duties… And patrol…"

Joel smiled to himself. He knew he already had you.

"It's okay. I can handle everything."

Of course, you felt a little guilty, but the feeling of happiness and contentment prevailed. . But nothing changed the fact that you felt uneasy every time you saw Emily close to Joel. It was like an icy spike was sticking into your stomach. You were afraid. Sometimes you tried to think logically. Joel loved you and did a lot to be with you again. You wanted to believe that he wouldn't break your heart again. But sometimes your obsession won.

And it wasn't like you didn't have the basics. Teddy really liked Rose, so your neighbor had plenty of opportunities to smile at Joel. In addition, Emily and Joel became patrol partners. When you found out about it, you thought you were going crazy, and you even tried to convince Joel that it shouldn't be like this.

"I can go on patrols with you," you said one night as you were going to bed.

"What?" Joel gasped.

"I thought I could go on patrols with you… I've had less work with horses lately and…"

"NO!" Joel interrupted you harshly, and upon seeing your hurt expression, he immediately grabbed your hands. "Honey… What about Teddy? If we're both on patrol, he'll must be under someone's care… Besides… If something happened to you…"

You huffed and rolled your eyes.

"Something can happen to anyone. Emily also has a small child and she goes on patrol."

Joel sighed heavily.

"But Rose, she's not my baby… And although I wouldn't want Rose to lose her mother, my worry for Emily is incomparable to what I would feel if I had you next to me."

You felt like you had already lost. You were obsessed with 'Tess' and he had valid arguments, but you kept going anyway.

"It wouldn't be so bad… I can handle it… I've been coping on my own for so many years."

Joel looked at you with a small smile. He brushed the hair away from your forehead.

"Honey, don't be offended, but last week you were screaming because you found a dead rat in the basement."

You pouted and looked offended. It wasn't fair.

"It surprised me!"

Joel couldn't help but chuckle.

"A dead rat? How could it surprise you if it wasn't moving? Did it speak to you from the afterlife?"

You crossed your arms over your chest and stuck your tongue out at him.

"And yet it surprised me."

Joel shook his head, placed his hands on your hips, and started rocking them. God! You hated him for it. On top of that, his voice became so soft that it wrapped around you like a warm blanket.

"Will you tell me what's really going on? Because I can't believe you suddenly want to freeze your ass off on patrol."

He hit the spot. But you couldn't tell him the truth, certainly not the whole truth.

"I… I just wish I could spend more time with you."

Joel cooed and pulled you to his chest. Then he kissed your head.

"Hey, you know, I'll talk to Tommy. In the spring, I can help build and repair houses. Then I'd be closer and I'd always be home before sunset. What do you think?"

You couldn't deny that you felt a surge of peace. His words and gestures made your anxiety melt away for a moment. You smiled and nodded.

"Sounds good."

Joel hugged you even tighter as if to assure you of his love.

"Then hold on for two more months." . Hold on… Don't go crazy. It was easier said than done. You didn't know if you were oversensitive or if Joel and Emily had really gotten closer… Standing by the window in the living room suddenly became your new passion. Whenever Joel went out on patrol, or simply left the house, you immediately stood by the window and watched to see if he had met Emily. You watched closely how they greeted each other. How far apart were they? What Emily looked like. Is she more, or less like Tess, today?

It became your obsession. You didn't even try to get to know Emily better. You immediately attributed all of Tess's traits to her: conceited, mean, resentful of you, and possessive of Joel. You felt like you moved to Boston.

"Y/N."

You jumped when you heard Ellie's voice. You almost forgot that the teenage girl was still at home.

"Hmm?"

"You're standing at the window again… It's about Emily."

You sighed heavily and nodded. Then you looked at the couch where the teenager's sweatshirt lay, the sweatshirt you were supposed to fix. You gave Ellie an apologetic look.

"I know what you're going to say, that I'm obsessed… And I guess you're right. I'm about to take care of the hole in your sweatshirt."

Ellie bit her lip and looked at you with a look you knew well. Something was bothering her.

"It's not about the sweatshirt, is it?"

The girl shook her head.

"The thing is… I don't want to say something that might ruin everything ."

You walked closer to her and looked at her carefully.

"Ellie, you better tell me. If you think something is wrong, then… It's better to face the truth because it can only get worse."

The teen nodded and you were honestly expecting some sort of teenage problem, but her next words shook you.

"I thought you were obsessed with this Emily because she looks like Tess… But yesterday… Yesterday I saw Joel and her walk into the bar and I heard her say, 'I can't believe I agreed to this date, it's crazy'…" Seeing the look on your face, she quickly added. "But maybe… I guess it's nothing, you know… Y/N… I don't want you to fight with Joel, but… I thought I should tell you…"

You took a deep breath and nodded. You didn't want to fall apart right in front of her. You didn't want her to feel worse. You understood her. She was like a child who wanted to remain loyal to each of her parents, but at the same time had to choose a side.

"It's good that you told me… I'll talk to Joel… Take it easy. I'll find out what it was about…"

Ellie didn't seem entirely convinced, but she nodded and you smiled softly at her.

"Don't worry…"

"Can I do something?" she asked.

"If you could pick up Teddy from the common room and leave him with Claudia before going to Dina…"

Ellie nodded and you breathed a sigh of relief. You didn't want any of the children to witness your confrontation with Joel. . When you were left alone, you began to pace anxiously around the house. You knew there were about two hours, until Joel returned and that in those two hours you would go crazy with all your thoughts.

First, you tried to control yourself and rationalize everything. You had a plan that when Joel showed up, you would just ask him about the situation and that would be it. But with each passing minute, your anxiety began to deepen and all sorts of thoughts filled your head.

You even got to the point where you started blaming yourself. It was finally clear what Joel was missing. It wasn't a secret.

And the truth was, part of you wanted to have sex with Joel. You wanted to get him into bed. Explore his body, feel him inside you, but… You were afraid that sex would awaken the old animal in him. Sometimes You looked at him from the side. You saw how gentle he was with Teddy and Ellie. You felt how gentle he was with you. But what if it all disappeared the moment he saw you naked and defenseless? When he feels he has power again. What if he decides you're not good enough and abandons you in the morning like he used to? You knew it was impossible. He wouldn't do it for his son's sake. And yet these thoughts haunted you. It was easier with Steve. He was a blank page, and the first time you had sex with him, he gave you full power. He knelt in front of you and begged for permission to touch you. Steve just liked it, being obedient. He didn't even cum without your consent. You didn't know if it was just his fetish and he was like that with all women. Or was he just doing it for you? But it worked. Steve was the only man after Joel you had sex with. Of course, you tried dating others a few times, but it ended the moment they touched you. It just seemed like Steve was the exception.

And now you had Joel again, and Joel was a man and he had needs. Your mind started going crazy. Maybe he didn't even like Emily, but she was willing to give him what you couldn't? Maybe he made some sort of deal with her… Something like: friends with benefits. You even started to have absurd thoughts that maybe you should let Joel do this. Before you knew it, you were so absorbed in your own misery that you were curled up on your bed, crying. Suddenly you felt the bed sag under the weight and someone's large, warm hand landed on your side.

"Y/N… Baby, what's wrong?"

Joel's voice was clearly concerned, close to panic. You turned around abruptly and simply blurted out:

"It's about sex?! Right?! You don't feel anything for her, but you can fuck her!"

Your voice cracked and Joel looked like someone had thrown him into ice water. He wanted to shout: 'What the hell?!' But he knew better that he must stay completely calm. He had no idea what had happened to you, but you were clearly in a bad emotional state and having a breakdown. He took a deep breath and replied:

"Baby, I have no idea who you're talking about. Who would I be having sex with?"

"With Emily!" You growled.

Joel moved away from you as if you had hit him. Of course, you were in such a state that you considered his reaction as confirmation of your theory.

"So I'm right!"

Joel couldn't stand it anymore and his scream was like thunder.

"NO!"

You started to tremble and he felt remorse, but at least he had a moment to speak to you.

"No, honey…" His voice was calm again. "You're absolutely wrong. I don't know what happened or what made you think that, but I only love you."

Joel tried to pull you into a hug, but you pulled away from him and sobbed.

"So what… that you love me… But… But you can't have sex with me, so you found someone else to do it… It doesn't take love for that…"

Joel couldn't stand your tears and despite your protests, he pulled you closer to him and wiped away the tears with his thumbs.

"Y/N we talked about it and my mind hasn't changed… I understand you and I respect your decision. And I want to be with you for the rest of my life, even if it means no sex. And I will have sex either with you or with nobody."

His hands rubbed soothing circles on your back and you took a shaky breath. You were still in despair, but you wanted to believe his words.

"And Emily?"

Joel raised his eyebrows and looked surprised.

"What about her? I don't have any intimate relationship with her if that's what you're asking."

"But… Apparently, you went to a bar with her, and she… And she said something about going on a date…"

Joel chuckled softly and grunted.

"Okay. I won't ask who your spy was, but… Yes, it's true. I went to a bar with Emily and talked to her about a date… In fact, I even asked her out on a date, but not with me… with Claudia…"

"What?!"

These revelations were so shocking to you that you couldn't find the words.

"But… but… Claudia… Emily…"

Joel gave you a funny look.

"You don't mean to tell me you didn't know your best friend was a lesbian."

You rolled your eyes. Of course, you always knew that.

"I mean Emily… She has a baby and… She got along with you so well and…"

You felt completely lost. On one hand, a wave of relief washed over you that everything was just your imagination. On the other hand, you felt ashamed that you fell apart and let your emotions get the better of you.

But Joel, as usual, tried to be understanding. He smiled as he saw that the crisis was over. He kissed you on the cheek and replied:

"You know very well that a child doesn't always have to be the result of love… I don't know who Rose's father is and I don't want to push Emily… And yes, we get along, but I don't feel anything for her and when she told me that she likes Claudia, but she's very ashamed and afraid that nothing will come out of it, I wanted to help her."

Finally, all your anxiety left you. Joel simply had a good heart, even though he sometimes hid it behind grumpiness and whining.

"Sorry."

He shook his head and waved his hand.

"I'm glad we cleared it up. And tomorrow you'll be able to talk to Claudia about it, because today, after two weeks of my efforts, is their first date."

When you heard this, your eyes widened.

"Oops…"

"What?"

You immediately got out of bed and started dressing. Joel watched you in shock, wondering if he had done something wrong.

"I told Ellie to drop Teddy to Claudia."

Joel immediately jumped off the bed and grabbed your hand.

"Come on, before you ruin my entire elaborate plan!" He groaned miserably and you couldn't help but laugh.

"Aren't you getting into the role of Cupid too much?"

He made another grumpy noise and you smiled widely. This was your Joel. And only yours. .

Taglist: @casa-boiardi @noisynightmarepoetry @ihavetwoholesforareason @sloanexx @creedslove @orcasoul @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @i-workwithpens @milla-frenchy @liatome @jojo-munson @pascalislove @goldenhxurs @elliaze @aestheticangel612 @cheyxfu @prestinalove @stevengmybeloved @faith-alons26 @harriedandharassed @this--is--music @joeldjarin @elliaze @ajeff855 @anislabonis-love @quality-lust @sarahhxx03 @sofiparallel @misshoneypaper @simplyreading96 @ilovetaquitosmmmm @softstarlite @missladym1981 @heartpascalispunk

Part 10

Part 12

Ok, so I hope it's not that bad after not writing this story for so long. I know Emily turned out to be quite a twist plot. But I couldn't make Joel an asshole again.

Now an important announcement. So far this story has been devoid of any strong NSFW elements, apart from the beginning. So now I would like you to take the survey and decide. Should there be a description of the sex scene in the next chapter, or would you prefer it to be an addition to a chapter that you don't have to read?

[anotherfloridaman]

In the Stronghold

(How they found you)

You thought that was it. It didnt matter if someone tried to talk the town out of it, it was gonna happen anyway. Not that anyone would try to. They’re all just happy it’s not them who has to go to the jaws of the forest.

They tied you to a mast. It sticks straight from the dirt when one of the law enforcement comes and cuts off your clothes with a knife. You hang by your hands, as bare as the day you were born while the people walk away, praising one another for a job well done. Surely the beasts would like the sacrifice.

Your mouth was sewn shut. The pain and anger you felt unsaid as the wire holds your lips together and keeps you from even moving your tongue unless you want to disturb the wounds.

As minutes turn to hours, ants find their way on your skin, mosquitoes suck the blood from you, and other insects fly around like you were meant for them instead of the bigger beasts.

And damn, when the moon is full and illuminating your figure, you wish those little beasts could actually kill you. A fox comes sniffing, and it nips at your foot, testing to see if it’s a trap. When nothing happens, it snaps it’s jaw around your ankle, tugging eagerly until a thunderous laugh comes from the forest.

You couldnt care less. You felt itchy everywhere, pain from where the ants bite and crawl, the mosquitoes not giving you peace, you just hope whatever death is, it releases you from all of this.

——————————————————————————

“Rak’ka, calm down. We got the bear, we can leave the cub alone.” Shwola sighs, blinking slow. “No! It’s too small, we shouldn’t have killed the mother.”

“That wasnt the mother, it was a male. And it’s almost fully grown, it’s fine alone.” Shwola snorts, knowing Rak’ka’s bleeding heart isn’t always helpful.

Rak’ka looks in a tiny bush, and he knows the bear ‘cub’ cant fit there, but he pokes his head inside anyway. A wild cat jumping into his face and clawing at him as it scampers off into the woods. Shwola booms with laughter, pointing at Rak’ka like he’d done this on purpose.

And a fox zooms by, catching both of them off guard.

“Shwola, those annoying pests dont do that often, do they?” The yonger orc asks, looking the direction the fox came from. “No. Not unless they have something they arent supposed to, or they want to lead something away from what they found or have.”

“Did we just scare a fox from it’s children?! We have to help!” Rak’ka bolts in the direction near the edge of the forest. And at this point, Shwola is sure Rak’ka just wants something small to take care of.

Shwola follows Rak’ka to… wherever and they see-

“Is that a human?” They both say at once, and you dont even lift your head. You cant understand them. And you doubt they would understand you even if your lips were free.

As the orcs draw closer, speaking in their native tongue, you are left to contemplate when they will be merciful or if they’ll reject you altogether. A large hand brushes your skin, the big fingers pushing the ants and mosquitoes away as it feels you.

“It doesnt appear sick. The insects wouldve left it alone. So why is..” Shwola interrupts him, crossing his arms. “A prisoner, A sacrifice, It was left here for some odd reason.”

Rak’ka pauses, thinking. Then reaches for the ropes and rips them off your hands, picking you up and laying you on one massive arm. “A sacrifice for us. I’ll take it.”

“Did you not hear the part about prisoner? Maybe an outlaw that did unspeakable things-“ “our sacrifice needs to be cared for, i will take that duty for however long it may take.”

You could move your hands, and as soon as you could, you itched. You itched everywhere you could as fast as possible and that wasnt very fast considering you had almost no bloodflow going to your arms since that afternoon.

Rak’ka sees this, and begins rubbing his calloused hand across your back, trying to soothe you and help the injuries get feeling back. Shwola only rubs his nose, walking back to the Stronghold and leaving Rak’ka to trail behind him.

[blasphemousclaw]

For send a character ask: Radahn!

ahh, Radahn… forever an enigma

• favorite thing about them

who he is as a person — his family background, his beliefs, and who he ultimately chooses to be — is so endlessly interesting to me. being a child of both the Erdtree and the Moon, growing up idolizing the Erdtree’s champions like his father and Godfrey, but being a talented sorcerer in his own right like his mother, was he conflicted when Radagon betrayed Rennala? did he ever come to resent his father, both for breaking his mother’s heart and for replacing his greatest idol, Godfrey? there’s something so significant to me about Radagon despising his red hair, and Radahn embracing that same hair he inherited as the mark of a champion. did this affect his relationship with Radagon? on the other hand, did he know that challenging the stars was also halting his Carian family’s fate? did he care? there’s such a fascinating back-and-forth between Radahn and both sides of his family!

• least favorite thing about them

his writing in the dlc… will never get over how botched it feels. and I’m not talking about the actual plot points, I’m talking about how those plot points were revealed to us in the story! the reason why everyone felt like him showing up was an asspull plot twist was because there’s no hint whatsoever in the base game that Miquella and Radahn ever had a relationship at all. as a result, I think the writers had to speedrun a Radahn-Miquella reveal plotline with Freyja and Ansbach, while cramming references to Radahn into the dlc (like the Red Bear npc, and his relationship to Gaius and Messmer) to make him seem less out of nowhere… but to me it just comes across as a rushed plotline with extremely clumsy foreshadowing. I guess they didn’t know they would get to make a dlc when they made the game so they didn’t include anything about him and Miquella in the base game so there wouldn’t be random plot threads that go nowhere, or they originally planned something slightly different that didn’t pan out so they had to rework it but were only able to do so in the dlc. either way extremely disappointing. also his promised consort remembrance weapons are the laziest excuse for a remembrance of all time they’re just the starscourge greatswords again but different. is this some kind of sick joke

• favorite line

[footage not found]

just kidding he does have a few quotes: I’ve always liked “I was born a champion’s cub. Now I am the Lord of the Battlefield’s lion.” because of what it says about how he sees Radagon and Godfrey!

• brOTP

Rykard :33 his painting of Radahn means so much to me, it’s such a fond gesture… and the abductor virgins in Caelid seem like Rykard was really looking out for him! it makes me sad to think that they might’ve once been really close but drifted apart because of the war and their own priorities, but also still cared about each other

• ОТР

I don’t actively ship him with anyone tbh nothing has especially caught my interest

• nОТР

I resent Radahn/Miquella ONLY because their relationship has no buildup whatsoever and completely breaks the “show don’t tell” rule of storytelling. we’re told Miquella admired Radahn, but we never see this until he shows up as the final boss! I definitely wouldn’t dislike this ship if they had handled this storyline better but unfortunately with how things went it’s just embarrassing to me

• random headcanon

loves the outdoors… camping, hiking, riding, hunting, any physical activity where he gets to be outside. Rykard is the opposite. Radahn used to bring him on trips and he’d complain the whole way through

• unpopular opinion

I wrote a post about this already, but I think people are too quick to assume that he’s a Golden Order loyalist who wants to preserve the world in its current state. you could go on and on listing reasons why he would actually oppose the current Order… and in fact I did go on and on about it here. I think the most crucial thing to note is that Radahn has always made idolizing Godfrey his entire personality, and Godfrey was literally banished… the Order is very different now from what it once was!

• song i associate with them

again I only listen to instrumental music so I don’t really have thoughts on this sorry 🥹

• favorite picture of them

the Rykard painting <3

I really like how he’s depicted here… he’s got like a mature, lined face, and the way the painting is displayed (in a nicely furnished drawing room above the fireplace) feels like a very public declaration of respect and admiration? I think it says something about Radahn’s character that his brother who despises the Golden Order still seems to look up to him and care for him!

[honey-minded-hivemind]

X Men Animated Yandere Sabertooth and Wolverine meeting a child who was created using both of their DNA

Ohoho, yes! I love those two! I write them as brothers, so I'll be careful in how the DNA thing works. That being said, we'll go with this:

Trying to knock sense into his brother was like trying to knock sense into a boulder.

Hard, rough, full of broken bones, and painful.

The b*stards at Weapon X had erased anything, everything, all of their past together, everything that had ever mattered from his runt's mind, and then had the audacity to use him as a weapon. Use BOTH of them as weapons. Forcing them to kill, to tear apart, to sabotage-

All because they were mutants.

And humans hated mutants, no matter what.

He killed them, the ones who did this to them. That still didn't fix things, though. He did fix quite a few of them up, though. Fixed them right into dinner. Into trophies. Into minced meat and bloodied bones.

That being done and over with-

He didn't expect to find a kid who was more or less a mixed clone- sibling- something, of the two of them...

Logan had done what he could throughout the years, trying to find his identity, his past, his lost loves...

Sadly, that past was full of hurting, hurting of him, hurting of others, and somehow, someway, Sabretooth always seemed to be nearby. Watching. Waiting. Pouncing. One of the few people anything like him, and the guy's a full-on nut-case.

Just peachy.

But he at least did his best to do good. Creed, he couldn't say that, could he?

But apparently this new bad wasn't his fault.

It wasn't his, either.

Who woulda thought the sickos who ran Weapon X would have made a kid?

Who would have thought that kid would have had parts of both their DNA, making them a clone of sorts, if not their own sibling.

The two can't stand knowing they have a mini other running about, one who has every flaw and nature that they have. Who is only a cub, a pup, nothing more than a kit trying to survive in a world too hateful to love 'em...

Course, they plan to fix that.

If they could just keep the kid away from the other feral-

"Back off, Creed!" Wolverine growls, unsheathing his claws as he faces off against the larger feral, who only growls back.

"Stay outta the way, runt. They're just as much my sibling as yours," he purr-growls, slowly moving in.

The two of them know Reader is watching them from their hiding place in the trees, eyeing them carefully.

This battle isn't about lost brotherhood or vengeance. This is about custody rights to the newest feral, THEIR own flesh and blood.

The moment their claws cross, the kit is scrambling through the high-up branches, looking for a way to avoid them as they tussle across the icy dirt, rocks and pine needles scattering in their wake. Sabretooth winds up on top, his knee pressed into his younger brother's ribs, the weight causing them to creak.

"Get off!" Logan hisses, struggling under the force, only to be met with a tut.

"Now now, Jimmy... That's no way ta talk ta yer older brother... Now, calm down. 'M not gonna keep the cub away from ya. But... I think ya might need ta take a small nap. Yer as grouchy as a pup without their milk," purrs Victor, and in a quick motion, stabs a large dart into Wolverine's neck, waiting until the smaller mutant falls unconscious.

"'Kay, kit, it's yer turn! Now, ya can come out and take it easy... Or ya can play hard, and take a long nap like the runt over here..." he calls out, slowly pulling himself up and dusting off the snow that's covered him.

When they don't respond, he huffs lightly, then lunges onto the nearest tree, clawing his way up, until he finds where Reader hid themself. He grins, glad to know they didn't leave while he and their brother fought...

"Time ta come home, kit..."

[trensu]

ETA: now on ao3 as Hawkins Halfway House for Homeless Horrors

ETA2: now with an additional snippet

okay, how's this for an AU

We know that Steve wants to be a dad. Like, his literal life dream is to have a minimum of six children. SIX. who wants that?? crazy people, that's who. but we forgive him his insanity because he's sweet and will actually probably be a really good dad and there's not enough of those in the world.

the downer is that it's the late 90s, he's a (still) single guy in his thirties, and every adoption agency on the planet would rather give their children to a heteronormative couple who don't even want kids than to a single dude who would dedicate his heart and soul to giving his kids a happy healthy home.

He's bemoaning his fate to Robin at a bar they recently discovered. It's a weird little joint, kinda tucked away on the outskirts where Steve could've sworn didn't exist just last week. The patrons were kinda weird too but neither he or Robin could put their finger on why or how. If Steve had been a little less miserable, and Robin a little less caught up in comforting him, they might've noticed how everyone else in the bar kept sneaking curious glances at them or how they somehow always kept most of their features hidden.

They didn't though. Even when they were interrupted by a handsome black gentleman who called himself Jeff. Jeff said that he couldn't help but overhear their dilemma and that he's actually part of an agency that is more open minded about potential foster or adoptive parents. Steve's a little deeper in his cups than he intended, and doesn't question that some random guy in a bar is offering him a chance of having children. Robin is not as far in her cups and finds it a bit suspicious.

She was going to say something about it but Jeff looked her in the eye and said, "Everything is fine. There's no reason to worry. I'm only trying to help."

"You're only trying to help," Robin murmured back blearily. "Everything is fine. Yeah. Yeah, 'm not worried."

Jeff gives Steve his card and tells him he can stop by the very next day if he'd like, since his schedule is open.

The next day, Steve is regretting having gotten so drunk. Not really because of the hangover (though holy shit, he is NOT twenty anymore he needs to stop drinking like one). No. It's because Jeff had just finished giving him a tour of the facility full of rambunctious children in need of a home.

Actually, that had been pretty okay even if the other adults in the facility startled at the sight of him and the children kept ducking into other rooms to hide from him.

No. It's because Jeff had just introduced him to a child named Dustin who sneezed unexpectedly and somehow turned into a kitten.

"Um," Steve said. Jeff sighed.

"Dustin hasn't gotten back control over his shapeshifting since his mother's passing, but I assure you he's been improving."

"...shapeshifting," Steve said, numbly.

"Yes. Dustin tends to go for cat shapes, like his mother did." Jeff bends down to pick up the loudly mewing tabby kitten. "We've managed to get him to shift mostly into a domestic shorthair, rather than a cougar cub."

"That's great," Steve squeaked as he tried to tamp down the growing hysteria in him. "Really, really great. Y'know what, Jeff, this whole thing's been great but I think I'm still kind of drunk so I'm just gonna go--"

"No, wait," Jeff says, quickly placing the Dustin kitten on his shoulder before reaching out to grab Steve by the elbow. "Please. Look, you seem like a good guy. I did a quick scan of you and everything, and I really think if you'd take a moment to sit down and--"

"JEFFORD BILLANY JONES."

Jeff's shoulders hunched, nearly dislodging Dustin from his shoulder. He sighed again and turned to face the man storming towards him and Steve.

"Eddy, you know none of that is my name."

"I'll call you whatever I want since for some unfathomable reason, you've brought a human into my sanctuary. Why is there a human in my home, Jeffamy."

"Eddy, let me explain."

"It's Eddie in front of the human," Eddie said.

Steve's brain was experiencing some sort of malfunction because Jeff had been calling this man Eddie, except if he concentrated, the way Jeff said Eddie and the way Eddie had said Eddie sounded very very different except it hadn't because they both sounded like Eddie except for how Jeff's Eddie sounded different from, the same as, different, just like--

A pair of ringed fingers snapped aggressively in front of his face, startling Steve from an impending aneurysm.

"You. Who are you, who sent you, what do you want."

Steve stuttered something incoherent. He's pretty sure he's had a mental break from reality. There was some sort of sentient black sludge creeping across the tiled floor, wrapping a tendril around Jeff's leg.

"What is that?" Steve squawked. Jeff beamed at him.

"Oh, this is El! She's a Monster Under the Bed. She hasn't decided on a form yet, but that's okay, we love her just as she is."

"Jeff," Eddie snapped. Jeff looked at Eddie stubbornly.

"You told me we needed all hands on deck."

"How dare you, I'd never stoop to using boat metaphors."

"Don't distract me with blatant lies. Eddy, you said we needed help. You said you'd take anyone at this point."

Steve has not been able to stop staring at the sludge creature (El?). He's beginning to realize that he can't quite remember what Jeff looked like, or any of the adults they had seen. He's noticing that some of the children that have been scampering about had looked off. Like the boy with the bowl-cut they had passed by earlier who had looked...frosty around the edges. Or the girl he thought had had red feathers in her hair but is now suspecting the feathers were something more than decorative.

Ringed fingers snap in front of his face again. Steve finally focused on the man named Eddie who was actually named Eddie which was different from Eddie somehow. Now that he's able to shove away the confusion that is this man's name, he's struck by the fact that Eddie was quite possibly the most gorgeous man Steve's ever seen. He had wide, dark eyes that made Steve think of seabeds in the deepest of waters. His hair was a riot of dark brown curls that for some reason brought to mind swirling schools of fish.

"Answer my questions," Eddie demanded. Steve blinked and, with some difficulty, remembered the previous interrogation.

"Uh, I'm Steve. Jeff invited me because I want to be a dad."

Eddie barked out a laugh.

"Oh, is that right? In that case, welcome to Hawkins' Halfway House for Homeless Horrors! I'm sure Jeff would love to finish introducing you to the rest of our children. Have you met Mike? He's a ghoul! Or Lucas! He's a werewolf and his dream is to become a basketball star. They both have very sharp teeth so watch out for their tantrums."

Jeff scowls at Eddie before turning back to Steve. Steve was starting to feel faint and he was no longer sure if he regretted drinking the night before or regretted not drinking more.

"Steve, it's okay. Eddy is making it sound scarier than it actually is. You said you wanted to be a dad, and we need foster parents that can help these kids learn how to blend in with humans. That's what the halfway house is for, but there's only so much they can learn while living in sanctuary. We need a way to have them experience the human world more directly while still keeping them safe, and I think you're the solution we've been looking for. What do you think?"

"I think I need to sit down," Steve said thinly. Eddie snorted derisively. Steve was slightly offended but honestly everything was a bit too much right now and he really would like to sit down for a moment just to process. Because monsters are real, apparently, and some of them need parents. Which was terrifying to think about but also not so much? Because all kids were little monsters some of the time right? If Steve could have a moment to get his bearings...

"This was a terrible idea, Jeffathan."

"I think it was a great idea, actually. I really think this could work."

"No. I forbid it. Don't do this again."

Then there was a sweet and beautiful humming. It made the edges of Steve's mind go fuzzy and soft. He blinked slowly and looked for the source of the sound. Eddie stared at him intently and when he spoke, his voice was like music.

"Steve," Eddie said. "Steve, do you want to make me happy?"

Steve nodded dumbly. He wanted that more than anything in the whole world. He wanted to make Eddie smile. He wanted Eddie to never stop singing.

"It would make me very happy if you went home and forgot everything you saw here today," Eddie continued.

Steve made a sad sound. He didn't want to forget. He didn't want to forget beautiful, gorgeous Eddie and this place that could make his dream come true.

"Please, Steve," Eddie's lyrical voice took on an aching mournful tone. "If you don't, you'll break my heart. I'll never be happy again."

The sadness in the song made Steve feel like the world was ending. Eddie couldn't be sad! Steve would rather die than make Eddie sad!

"I forget," Steve mumbled through the fog in his mind. "And you'll be happy?"

"So happy. I'd be the happiest man alive if you do that one little thing for me, my sweet Steve."

Steve nods again. "Okay."

"Good boy," Eddie croons. Steve felt like he swallowed the sun at those words. He followed Eddie as Eddie guided him through the halfway house. Eddie hummed his lovely song the entire way.

"Go home and forget," Eddie sang one last time as he helped Steve get behind the wheel of his car.

"Yeah," Steve replied dreamily and drove away.

--

The telephone rang shrilly through his apartment. Steve stumbled out of bed and picked up, only fumbling it a little bit.

"H'llo?"

"Steve, what the hell, I've been trying to get a hold of you all day! Where have you been?" Robin's voice rang out, making Steve flinch. He scrubbed his free hand over his face tiredly.

"Home? I just woke up," Steve said. It was weird that he was fully dressed, he thought dazedly, but it wouldn't be the first time he's passed out drunk in his street clothes. Was he wearing this shirt yesterday? He could've sworn he'd worn the navy one.

"What? Just now? It's like five in the evening!"

"Huh. That'd explain the weird dream," Steve mumbled.

"Was it the one where you get seduced by a giant squid? Because I don't need to know more about your weird tentacle fetish."

"I don't have a tentacle fetish! I had the dream ONE time, and I wasn't being seduced, I was getting drowned and it was terrifying!"

"To-may-to, to-mah-to."

"Whatever, this one was weirder anyway."

"I find that hard to believe but now I'm morbidly curious. Hit me with it."

"...I don't remember."

"There goes my entertainment for the evening."

"Was there a reason you called, Robin?"

"Yes! I met this girl named Chrissy and I swear Steve, she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen..."

Beautiful. Steve had the faint impression of dark eyes and silver rings, but it was quickly washed away like a child's sandcastle in the tide under the onslaught of Robin's ramblings. As he listened to his best friend, he couldn't help but feel there was something he'd forgotten. There was something he'd been planning on doing today, wasn't there...?

...oh, well. If it was really important, he'd remember eventually.

[frozenjokes]

mumbojumbo and cubfan135 go lalala in Cub’s labyrinth (they eat each other)

big violence in this fic: it is about cannibalism. they are torturing each other to death (at least that’s the goal)

“You want to hear a secret?” Cub said, trailing behind Mumbo as they both approached the entrance of the labyrinth. Maybe Cub sensed that Mumbo was nervous, trying to lighten the mood, though Mumbo couldn’t tell, honestly more focused on what lay ahead of him.

Distantly, he replied, “Yeah, sure.”

“The whole cannibalism thing? Not a vex trait. Like, there’s quite a bit to be said about violence and sacrifice, but usually the point of a sacrifice is.. not eating the meat. You’re giving it up, right?”

Mumbo whirled back to face Cub, unable to help himself. “Wh- Seriously!? But that’s like- That’s your thing!”

“Not a me thing. Not a vex thing. That’s 100% a Scar thing. Dunno where it came from.”

“You can’t possibly say it’s just a Scar thing, you do that stuff all the time.”

“I don’t particularly care for it. I mean,” Cub shrugged, “Raw meat doesn’t do it for me. I was about to say I can’t think of anyone who really prefers to eat things raw, but,” Cub gave Mumbo a sly look, chuckling when Mumbo shrunk back a little, “Maybe I’m wrong?” he snickered, continuing on, “I mean, technically we could cook each other, but with only five minutes before everything disappears, it’s not going to be good. That kind of ruins the whole point anyway, don’t you think? The frenzy? The violence of it? But raw meat is gross. It is enough to ruin the experience 9/10 times. Scar is a fucking freak.”

Mumbo snorted, sure he could list dozens of items that made Cub just as bad. “I do not have this problem. Of raw meat, and doing things I don’t want to do.”

“Scar wants to. And I don’t not want to.”

“Does Scar know that?”

“Probably. I mean, maybe not. I’m not the only one of us who’s thrown up, and let me tell you, in both of our cases it is not an issue of morality. Scar has more enthusiasm, but typically he always does. We’ve never talked about this.”

“You both throw up? How do you know Scar likes doing this?” Mumbo raised his hands, somewhat incredulously, and Cub blinked, confidence momentarily shaken, but he shook his head.

“Of course Scar likes it. He suggested we do it in the first place. It’s like. Our thing now.”

“Had he done it before?”

“I don’t know. He never said so, but we were both a bit less.. the way we are now.. before the vex stuff happened. So I doubt it but-“ Cub cut himself off, shaking his head. “This is stupid. Of course he likes it. He would have said something if he didn’t like it, we do this all the time.”

Mumbo snorted. “You never said anything about not liking it.”

“That is different! Scar would say something! And it’s not even that I strictly don’t like it- It’s fine! A little unpleasant, but fine! I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Get going. Let’s get this started.” Cub crossed his arms, feigning impatience, “Only brought this up in the first place so you don’t get offended when I spit pieces of you back onto the floor. I’ll stick with carrots for now.”

Mumbo rolled his eyes, but ultimately chuckled as he put the few items he’d brought with him away in the available enderchest, “So you’ll eat Scar but not me, I see how it is.” Mumbo had only meant to tease him, but when he looked up from the enderchest, Cub seemed to have stalled where he stood, and Mumbo was concerned he’d offended him, “I didn’t mean that. Do what you want, Cub, you’re..” Struck suddenly with the raw emotion of their conversation only hours ago, Mumbo found himself unable to finish the sentence, putting to words the sheer commitment of what Cub was planning on doing for him; not just now in the labyrinth, but possible weeks of enduring Mumbo’s hunt, all in the name of helping someone that Cub, quite frankly, hardly knew. Helping Mumbo because he simply believed that Mumbo shouldn’t have to starve. And maybe there was an aspect of saving the server as well; Cub was clearly thinking about it, no doubt, but that wasn’t the only reason. Cub didn’t care that Mumbo was a monster, one that would inevitably turn on and abuse him when these optimistic plans didn’t pay off. Mumbo would wear him down, and even with Cub as motivated as he was, eventually, he would have enough and he would leave, abandoning Hermitcraft with the rest of the hermits, starting a life somewhere new. But even after all that, after being dragged through hell, Mumbo did not think Cub would resent him, nor blame him. That alone was utterly too overwhelming. Something about the world felt a little less lonely.

“Do you want me to? Eat you?”

The words snapped Mumbo back to reality, searching for that sly tone Cub’s voice took on when he was teasing, but only finding Cub’s eyes, narrowed, sharp, and deadly serious.

This was deeper than discomfort, it wasn’t even about sustenance, eating, any of it. Mumbo couldn’t identify the feeling, the severity of the gesture, but even with his mouth dry under the weight of Cub’s gaze, he knew he had to seize this.

“Yes.” He’d never meant any commitment more in his whole existence. Cub’s eyes narrowed, and Mumbo struggled to read his expression.

“Promise then, you’ll watch.”

“I’ll watch.”

“You won’t close your eyes.”

“I’ll watch.”

This seemed enough to satisfy Cub, who nodded, a gesture almost minuscule. “Then start running.”

Cub’s pale skin had hardly begun to change color, only a streak or two of white twisting through his hair when he lashed out with long claws, eyes upturned and pupil-less as he tore through the front of Mumbo’s suit, nails just grazing his chest. Mumbo stumbled back, a startled gasp catching in his throat, but he did not need to be told twice to run. Cub’s shrieking laugh followed Mumbo into the labyrinth.

It was so loud, so overpowering that Mumbo was sure Cub would catch him the moment he hit his first dead end. Mumbo whirled around, swinging a fist to the assailant at his heels, but his hand only met air, the laughter receding to a sharp snicker, delighting in its trick. Mumbo stood, dumbstruck, but only for a moment, launching himself back into the maze. When he turned after escaping from the dead end, the laughter followed, growing in volume until Mumbo was once again sure Cub was directly behind him. Every dead end caught a spark of anxiety, needing desperately to get out, to keep running before Cub caught him at the fork, but Cub was never there, taking his worst form when Mumbo was forced to turn around, phantom footsteps clipping his heels.

There were signs littering the maze, teasing and tips and the like, but Mumbo found he literally couldn’t stop to read them; he wasn’t sure he could stop even if he willed his limbs to still. Fear shoved his adrenaline into overdrive, Mumbo had never found himself so panicked, and he lost the wherewithal to suspect Cub’s magic when something pulled at his hair, then shrieked so loudly in his ear that Mumbo thought the sound might blind him.

So kind to share, been too long since we’ve had a taste-!

Mumbo woke up on the floor, the voices that overlapped and reverberated through his head gone as suddenly as they’d appeared, but the pitched laughter remained. He tried to remember how he’d gotten here- fallen most likely- but there was something in his eye, he tried to blink, but small hands gripped his eyelashes- something was pulling his hair, his clothes, something was biting his ankle, his waist, but something was in his eye, and before he could thrash and tear it away-

Only one order, one off-limits area, but you don’t need two to see-!

Mumbo woke up screaming, the panic that was shrieking at him to flee overtaken by his natural instinct to fight. He tore at his face, bloodying fingers that were not claws seconds ago, smashing apart vex with fists and teeth and kicking with the vengeance of a man who’d been stolen from. He was still on the floor, blindly tearing apart spirits when someone snatched his arm, ripping it back so hard that Mumbo was certain it’d break, but he didn’t have time to think, smashing his chin as he was flipped gracelessly onto his stomach. Mumbo thrashed, but claws found the base where his neck met his back, digging in without hesitation and injecting a new surge of blind terror as if they were hypodermic needles. Mumbo flailed, screaming, but found himself pinned, the weight of his assailant falling completely over his back and legs, left arm still being held at that horrible angle.

“Bastards, aren’t they. Never listen. But don’t get distracted, love, I’m so much worse.”

Mumbo thrashed anew, tearing his arm out of Cub’s grip with an unexpected surge of strength and rearing up, smashing their heads together in an impact so forceful that Mumbo was momentarily dazed, but when he came to just seconds later, no one was there. Mumbo heaved a deep breath, the first he’d been able to take in what felt like hours. Hot blood seeped down the side of his face, eye burning so fiercely that even the untouched one watered out of control, leaving him near blind.

He kept running.

He found himself crashing into walls, startling back from dead ends that didn’t exist, seeing things too close or too far. Sometimes when he’d turn around, a vex spirit would be waiting, slashing its claws across his nose and lips before slipping away, shrieking laughter as it went. Sometimes they would speak to him, teasing, and always he would wake up collapsed into a wall or on the floor, but they did not converge on him again, perhaps lacking the numbers to do so, or more likely on Cub’s instruction.

Still they pulled at his hair, his clothes. Mumbo felt no greater terror when they slipped into his pant legs or under his shirt collar, so distressed by the graze of their cold nails on his skin that he had to stop, to beat them away, do anything to get them out. But then Cub’s footsteps would sound from down the hall, differentiated from the illusions because he was slow, unhurried, his laugh deeper, controlled, and Mumbo knew he had no more time to wrestle spirits out of his clothes.

Despite Cub’s promise that he was worse, his vex sensed his fear, panic, agonizing discomfort, and it was not long before they realized that Mumbo could not reach them where he hated them most. As predators do, they took full advantage. There came a point where Mumbo just had to push on, ignore the scratching and biting and ripping of the seams of his clothes. But for all his effort, his ability to focus was ruined. Running aimlessly in a labyrinth was one thing, but when he hit the parkour, trapdoors laid out teasingly across the unforgiving deepslate walls; Mumbo didn’t stand a chance.

He made the first jump on shaky legs, but a vex choosing to bite in a sensitive area just as he leapt for the second jump ruined him completely, slipping, but he did not hit the ground before a chorus of shrill voices sung their joy.

Uh oh!

When Mumbo woke up, he was on the floor and the vex were gone. It was silent, the buzz of absence ringing loudly in Mumbo’s ears and he struggled to his knees, tattered clothes doing him zero favors. He needed to get up. He needed to try again before they came back, got the chance to distract him. He needed to get past this, and quickly.

When Mumbo looked up, Cub was staring down at him, perched on the trapdoors that made up the third jump. Mumbo had never seen a smile more unkind.

“That hit you hard, didn’t it,” Cub mused, making no effort to move when Mumbo was so frozen in place, “Looks to me like you’re losing steam. That’s a shame. You’ve had a godawful run, most hermits would’ve made it through the whole damn thing by now.”

Mumbo couldn’t do anything but catch his breath. Even if he wanted to get away, wanted to try the parkour again, Cub was in the way. Wait- How long had it been? How long did it take to complete the labyrinth-?

Cub hummed, uncaring. “I should’ve stopped you sooner. You were so scared, so blindly terrified, I was starting to wonder if I could make you a meal out of yourself. But you’re so tired now, you look just about ready to give up.”

Mumbo was tired. It was hitting him now, all at once, weighing him down, leaving him unable to get to his feet. He couldn’t speak, could hardly breathe. How much time had really passed? He was feeling it now. As adrenaline failed him, the blistering pain of his injuries was starting to overcome him, and slowly, slowly Mumbo realized there may be multiple reasons he couldn’t stand.

Maybe it would be better to lay down. To give up and take whatever was in store.

“No good, no good,” Cub tutted, quietly thoughtful, “Well, I’ll see what I can do.”

Cub was not wearing his elytra, but still he seemed to float to the ground. Though it was possible that was an illusion, Mumbo struggled to tell the difference anymore. Too gently, Cub took Mumbo’s hand. Mumbo jerked weakly away and Cub snatched his arm back, drawing his own fingers to Mumbo’s wrist, thumb pressing dangerously into his pulse. Mumbo felt that familiar rush of adrenaline, instinct to run, but he was too spent, Cub’s magic flowing out just as easily as it entered, leaving Mumbo twitching, but little else more. Vaguely, Mumbo was aware of blood swelling at his wrist and dripping down his arm. Cub’s grip was too tight, and fruitlessly, Mumbo tried to pry him away. Cub let him try, amused, maybe, but Mumbo didn’t know when he closed his eyes against the strain.

“Hey.” Cub hissed, free hand seizing Mumbo’s neck so hard he choked, then jerking up to find Mumbo’s chin, fingers pressed so ruthlessly against his teeth through his cheek, Mumbo was sure he’d start to bleed. “You promised.”

Mumbo didn’t know what he was talking about, struggling against Cub’s grip on his jaw, only to have Cub yank him up by the face, close enough that Mumbo could feel his hot breath, contrasted heavily by those cold, cruel claws.

“You’re going to watch, Mumbo. You’re going to watch me tear off your fingernails with my teeth then feed them to you, let you taste your own fear for a change, how does that sound?”

A jolt of new terror shook Mumbo’s form, and this was not Cub’s synthetic adrenaline either, this came from him, raw and afraid. He opened his eyes and struggled with new vigor, clawing at Cub’s grip on his own hand, but even drawing blue blood on blunt nails did not make Cub wince.

“Good man.” Cruel red skin flowered under the surface of Cub’s face and he cackled through the change, yanking Mumbo’s trapped hand to his lips. Mumbo was strong, stronger than Cub, he knew it, but no amount of clawing would make Cub let go, Mumbo was just too fatigued. Cub set his sharp teeth in the bed of Mumbo’s pointer finger nail, holding firm enough that more than just Mumbo’s nail was going to leave him when Cub bit through. As Cub’s teeth broke skin, pulling, dragging backwards, something at the back of Mumbo’s mind snapped, instinct taking the reins, remembering when Mumbo could not that he was not bound by the confines of human anatomy.

On anyone else, Cub’s grip on his face would have been entirely safe, but perhaps they’d both forgotten that Mumbo was not, in fact, human.

While Cub took his finger, Mumbo took his hand, face collapsing like a sinkhole until Mumbo had Cub’s entire wrist, held fast in teeth that were no longer dull.

Cub shrieked, and this time there was no laughter. He may have taken more of Mumbo’s finger than intended, but without a doubt Mumbo had won this trade. Mumbo jerked his head hard enough to break Cub’s wrist, Cub letting go of his arm in turn, face redder, white eyes shining, but the only reason Cub managed to wrench his wrist out of Mumbo’s teeth was because Mumbo was already letting go, lunging to snap at Cub’s face instead. Teeth connected at Cub’s right eyebrow and the left side of his mouth, but the damage was only minimal, an attack misjudged because a human face was much flatter than what he was more familiar with.

Before he could lunge again, the force of both Cub’s legs slammed into Mumbo’s stomach, stealing his breath in a body that was already so winded. Cub slipped away before Mumbo could catch a leg with fingers too long, but not long enough. Not that Mumbo could have held on in a state so breathless, but his human mind was no longer at the reins. The vex injuries smoothed themselves over as Mumbo fought for air, swiping aimlessly above himself at the player hopping effortlessly across its own parkour, pushing deeper into the maze.

Mumbo had lost too much blood, expended too much energy to completely recover his strength, but it did not matter. The player would not escape him.

Mumbo did not need to do the parkour to climb the ledge. His legs would step as far as he needed them to. His arms would haul him forward. No one could outrun him.

The maze served to be a source of great frustration. He knew fear, he did not need to see to sense it, he was so close, but there were always walls in his way, barriers that kept him from the fastest path forward. Mumbo did not mind taking his time, not on a normal day, but patience was difficult to come by when you were salivating at the tease of a taste, when you were starving, when you’d take anything, terror as well as that carnal excitement that stank up the halls, leaving a trail as obvious as the trickle of blue blood.

Mumbo could not wait any longer. He would have it all until there was no more trace.

It was not long before they crossed paths.

Mumbo was stalking down a long hall when the player turned a corner, their eyes meeting for only a moment before Mumbo darted forward, the player dashing to the left and throwing up an illusion of a wall that did not work, Mumbo smashing through it on the trail of fear too strong to hide. The player was laughing, Mumbo thought, as he pursued it through the narrow halls, but it would not be laughing for long. Even distractions of giggling vex spirits did not slow him down; they could bite, scratch, or do whatever they liked, but they’d better hold on, because Mumbo was not stopping for anything.

Mumbo did not get to turn the next corner before the player attacked first, barreling into Mumbo hard enough to knock him from his feet, snarling, laughing, somehow still laughing, and as Mumbo smashed into the ground, head cracking against the floor, the player found his throat with its teeth, tearing down through the muscle and constricting Mumbo’s windpipe, blood bubbling up his throat and out of from his lips, but the player did not let go, keeping its teeth fixed deep in Mumbo’s neck so that he could not heal, could not stop himself from suffocating.

Tearing at the player’s clothes, Mumbo tried desperately to push it away, roll the both of them over, get on top, but the player was using its weight to its advantage, Mumbo’s own uncoordinated exhaustion coming back to bite him as he strained for air, for energy, for a new surge of adrenaline that might lend him enough strength to get it off.

Mumbo’s claws found purchase on the player’s stomach and ripped through, heaving and desperate, but even with the player’s blue blood sloshing out of it in sick, warm waves, it did not let go, it did not even loosen its grip. Spilling its organs was not enough to escape this, its determination to see the both of them fall in this game of cat and mouse where the roles were shared between them too stubborn. Mumbo might not have minded if he wasn’t starving. And he was going to eat, meager as this meal might be.

With his last surge of life, Mumbo let his fingers grow long and to a point, and in a bout of strength dredged from the depths of his need, Mumbo drove that hand directly through the player's head.

It was instant, the kind of crunch that Mumbo rarely found satisfying, but now when he had used every reserve of his power, he could not do anything but lay there, unable even to rip his hand out of the player’s skull, to heal the gaping hole in his throat. But he did not need to breathe to eat. If he was going to die, it would be with this player’s flesh lodged in his crushed esophagus.

The player was laid limp on top of him. He was so blinded by red and blue blood alike, he hardly knew where he was biting down, but it did not matter. Mumbo did not care at all.

cubfan135 was slain by Mumbo Jumbo

Mumbo Jumbo was slain by cubfan135