#i could say SO much more but i will stop myself here

[simpjaes]

Pomellato Jay giving me brothers bff thoughts😮‍💨

1:27 a.m.

You all just came home from a party. Jay saw you shivering bc your skimpy little dress was perfect to tease him, but didn’t help with the weather outside. So him, being the sweet gentlemen he is, gave you his black blazer. It covered you completely, and it made you look as if you had nothing beneath it; which was driving Jay insane…

Your phone started to ping next to you:

1:27 a.m - Jay:

- Could you please go change your clothes

1:27 a.m - You:

- why? I feel cozy with your blazer on..

1:29 a.m - Jay:

- That’s not it

- I can’t control myself in front of your brother

1:31 a.m - Jay:

- please baby

- Or go wait for me upstairs

HELPPPPPPPP

i hope you don't mind me changing the text string. wc: 833 ~

1:27 a.m - Jay: you're home now, can i please have my blazer back?

1:27 a.m - You: but whyyyyyy, its so comfy

1:29 a.m - Jay: just....please You glance at him, noting how stiff he appears compared to his usual, relaxed and casual self. Your brother, sitting on the other side of him flipping through some streaming app with a bored sigh. Now, you look down at yourself, back to Jay, back down at yourself, then you curl up on the couch. Smirking a little bit because you're well aware that the blazer rides up, dragging your skirt with it.

1:34 a.m - Jay: fucking stop doing that

1:35 a.m - You: getting excited? 1:35 a.m - Jay: what do you think? You watch him closer, seeing the way he looks at you before glancing towards Jake nervously. "Jake?" You suddenly say, breaking the silence in the room [bc jake still hasn't landed on a fucking show.] "Hm?" He pays no mind, still focused on the tv. "Where is your watch? Weren't you wearing it earlier?" He wasn't. You know he wasn't, but sometimes gaslighting is okay. "Was I?" He says, now sitting up. "Fuck, where did it go?" "I think you left it at Heeseung's place. Might wanna go get it before someone steals it." Jake doesn't even question it, hopping up with a muttered curse under his breath and heading out the door without even looking back at you or his best friend. Silence fills the room, except now...it's loud. "You want me to give you your blazer back?" You ask, narrowing your eyes at him with a cheeky smirk. "You know what you're doing." He groans, finally relaxing his body and sinking into the couch. His legs spread out wide when he throws his head back in that same groan, and you can't help but stare at the way his adam's apple bobs through a swallow. "It's been a couple of weeks, you know-" You start, slipping the blazer off of you and making sure the straps of your tank top slide down with it. "Was starting to think you really didn't want me anymore." Jay grimaces. He feels guilty for so many things. One, you're his best friend's sister. Two, he knows if Jake found out, the friendship would sour. Three, he still wants you so fucking bad he could genuinely cum right fucking now if you so much as say his name. After seeing you like that in his clothes, arguably better when you're entirely naked? His kind gesture backfired so goddamn fast. He remembered instantly the last time you were on top of him, missing the feeling of you so badly. The way his blazer fits you now, the way you swim in the fabric, the way you refuse to take it off. He knows you still want him too. And, well, Jake's not here. "You clever little-" He pauses, seeing your bare shoulders as his blazer slides down. Your thighs still bare and exposed from under it. "Fuck." You stand now, fully removing his blazer and revealing the same slutty outfit you wore tonight. Was it to get on his nerves? Yes. Was it to get on his cock? Yes. Jake wasn't too fond of you dressed like this, but who fucking cares about what he thinks anyway? "Just one more time?" You ask now, more innocently. All while rubbing your thighs together and using one hand to slide up your shirt. "We can make it fast." Jay rolls his eyes, the twitch in his pants growing thicker and thicker, to the point he cant help but grab at himself now. Another groan, and his eyes narrow at you. "You want it fast?" He asks now, the same sultry tone you had grown to miss so much. "And hard." You add, throwing yourself back on the couch and making sure your legs are spread. Wide. It's not long before you feel his familiar hands pressing your wrists into the cushions, hovering over you and blatantly pressing himself between your thighs. "You miss it that much?" He asks in a raspy whisper, smirking only slightly at the face you make in response. Only because he's fucked his fist to that same face so many goddamn times. "Mhm." You hum, wiggling a bit under him. "Don't you?" He breaks at that point, releasing one of your wrists and shoving it down his pants, all so he can bury himself into you without fuss. No foreplay, no teasing, no grinding. Just pure penetration. There's a moan from him that fills your ears, one that sounds more desperate than he would normally sound. Just a few weeks ago it was you sounding like that. Whiny, needy. "Fuck, yeah I do." He breathes this time, holding his breath as he does as he promised. Fast. hard. So fast, and so hard, that neither of you hear the door unlocking and Jake prancing in before freezing on the spot. "You motherfucker." ~

[sage-nebula]

I've been suicidal many times in my life, and while I could talk about those experiences, given what this post is about, I'd rather talk about something else.

My boss at my previous job was not just my boss. He was my friend, my mentor. I'd met him as a student employee; I still remember the day I went in for my interview, and I asked to speak with "Mr [name]," and the other student employee who answered the door made a face and said, "Hey, Mr [Name], this girl is here to see you" when he let me in because my boss never wanted us to be so formal with him. We were on a first-name basis with him, always. I was nineteen, and super nervous interviewing for my first job that wasn't retail or food service, but he cracked jokes and made me feel welcome. He treated all of us like that.

He was just a really good man. He always stood up for us, every time the university tried to do something that would make our lives harder or less safe. I made a Facebook status once about how I was harassed by a gas station employee near the university, and he commented telling me he'd bring his bat if I needed it. When one of the supervisors ended up overstepping boundaries in a big way with us student employees, he worked overtime to make sure that we would all be safe. When I got promoted to a supervisor position after graduation, and took it upon myself to oversea the yearly Secret Santa tradition for the students (meaning I didn't participate because otherwise I would know who my Secret Santa was), he decided he wasn't letting me go without a present and got me one anyway, despite my insistence that it wasn't necessary.

Unfortunately, he had his own demons to fight. He was going through difficult stuff in his personal life. He told me a lot about it; I was a confidant for him, and at one point he told me I was the only person he could speak to about any of it. More unfortunately still, as much as I wanted to be there for him, I was also struggling to keep my own mental health on track. It was around this time that I was looking into starting antidepressants / anti-anxiety medication for the first time because of how much I was struggling, and I was really focused on getting all of that sorted so that I could stop being tempted by the trains I heard pass by my home every night. Because of this, I didn't check in on him regularly. And so, when his boss called me one morning before my shift was supposed to start and told me that he had taken his own life, I was consumed by more than just shock and grief; I was crushed by guilt.

You see, I blamed myself. Largely because he had told me I was the only one who could confide in, I couldn't help but think that if I had checked in on him more regularly, if I had been there, this wouldn't have happened. I could have prevented it. I could have saved him. He wouldn't have taken his own life, and it wouldn't have been one of his young daughters who found him like that. Not only had I lost a friend of nine years, but I felt like I failed him.

I know now that isn't the case. There were many factors involved, not the least of which being it turns out I wasn't the only one he confided in after all. But it took me a long time to reach that point—a long time until I could honestly say that I didn't feel like it was my fault.

In the midst of depression and suicidal ideation, it can be incredibly hard to see the importance that you have in other people's lives—the place that you have there, that no one else can fill. I know this intimately, because it is something that I struggle with regularly. But even if you can't see it, you have to hold in the forefront of your mind that the importance is there. The impact will be felt. Not only do people care about you, but those closest to you will hold the weight of responsibility for your life on their shoulders for a long time. If nothing else, you don't want that for the people you care about, do you? You don't want to do that to them, do you?

You are not the only one harmed by your suicide. In fact, you're the one who will feel the impact the least. Death doesn't hurt the deceased; it only wounds the living. That's why we have funerals: it's for the sake of those left behind. But no amount of funerals or celebrations of life can assuage the pain left by a suicide. It doesn't help. Notes don't either.

If you're in a place where you're ideating, reconsider. Reach out to someone close to you. Tell them where you are, mentally, and have them come be with you. Believe me when I say that they would much rather sit awake with you all night, than wake up the next morning to a message that you're gone.

Give us the chance to be there for you. It's all we ask.

periodic reminder that your death by your own hand will wreak more havoc on the lives of those you know than you are ever capable of imagining and if you need a sign not to kill yourself this is it. people care more than you know & i am one of them

[straylightdream]

understand

𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭: yoon joenghan x f.reader

↳ Watching your “best friend” marry your ex is heart breaking. At least Jeonghan is by your side. He’s the only one who could make you feel less heartbroken.

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: friends to lovers, non idol au

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 3.4k

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: so much fluff, angst, mutual pining, they’re both head over heels for each other, smut warning below the cut.

an: this was inspired by the song understand by keshi. Thank you @whimsical-whatever for helping me with this story.

𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Unprotected sex (the mc is on birth control), body worship, cum play, creampie, oral, shower sex, fingering, light choking, jeonghan is fascinated with the mc neck, nicknamed: (hers) honey, baby

It was your best friend's wedding and you sat at a table in the corner with a glass of champagne in your hand as you watched her dance with her new husband. You couldn’t help but feel quite awkward even attending this wedding. The man your best friend was marrying was your ex boyfriend that you dated for three years. Somehow you had managed to stay friends even though it made you sick to your stomach seeing them together.

Walking across the ballroom as the song finished playing you were quickly stopped by your best friend grabbing your hand and pulling you towards the dance floor. It took everything to not pull your hand away and take off running. You didn’t want to be at this wedding and you sure as hell didn’t want to pretend that you were having a great time.

“Come dance with us,” she said, attempting to pull you onto the dance floor where her new husband was and all the bridesmaids.

“I’m gonna go get more alcohol,” you said before downing what was left of your champagne. You needed something stronger if you were going to survive tonight.

“You better dance with me before the night is over,” the bride said before dancing away.

You closed your eyes tightly and reluctantly saying, “okay.”

Turning on your heels you rolled your eyes and headed straight towards the bar. You weren’t even sure why you agreed to come to this wedding. Your best friend and new husband were quite aware of how uncomfortable their relationship made you feel.

Standing at the bar you found a man ordering a drink. He was a familiar face, and close friend that you were hoping could distract you. You were quite shocked to see him standing at the bar alone. At any event he always seemed to have some women falling at his feet.

“I need a real drink,” you sighed leaning against the bar.

“I can’t believe you even showed up,” Jeonghan said leaning against the bar with you. He looked absolutely handsome in a suit just like he always does.

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes again, “she begged me to come. She said she couldn’t get married without her best friend being here.”

You could vividly remember your best friend coming straight to your apartment after he proposed to her. They had only been dating a year and three months before he got down on one knee. Seeing the huge rock your best friend had on her ring finger made you feel like you had wasted three years of your life on the man that was going to marry your best friend.

“It’s safe to say at this point I would rather light myself on fire than be here,” you said, reaching over and grabbing the glass that was sitting in front of Jeonghan.

He smirked as he watched you standing next to him down the drink that just sat in front of him. He couldn’t help but let his dark eyes travel up and down your soft body. You're wearing a stunning blue dress that hugged your curves perfectly.

“You know everyone thinks she’s a terrible person for what she did to you,” Jeonghan said looking over at the bride who was dancing awkwardly with her new husband.

“Maybe something was wrong with me,” you said wondering why you weren't enough. You're the exact opposite of your best friend and you thought maybe you just weren’t enough for him. Maybe he wanted someone prettier like your best friend or someone is small and skinny.

“Or maybe you were just too good for him,” Jeonghan said, causing you to smile.

“Where’s Joshua?” You asked, attempting to change the subject.

“He flew home to see his parents. Also he said he wasn’t a fan of the lovely couple anymore after what they did to you.” From the moment Joshua found out about the bride and groom's engagement he practically stopped being friends with them. He took your side instantly and told you shouldn’t attend this wedding. You aren’t shocked he’s not here. You didn’t think Jeonghan would come. You’re shocked to see him here.

“You know I would have also skipped this and left for my business trip tonight but I hated the thought of you being here sad and not having anyone.”

“Lucky him he got to skip this wedding. You could have also skipped it. I would have been okay,” you said trying to not sound sad about his statement.

“I wanted to make sure I got to say a proper goodbye to you.” Jeonghan has a feeling his business trip was going to be a lot longer than a month and he couldn’t leave knowing you had to attend this wedding alone. “Would you dance with me?” Jeonghan asked, holding his hand out. This must be his attempt to change the subject.

You took your bottom lip between your teeth and slowly nodded. You reached out and took his hand as he led you to the dance floor. The band had switched it up from a fast tempo swing song to a slower song. Looking around you watched as boys and girls coupled up across the dance floor. You and Jeonghan have been friends most of your lives but they never danced or did anything romantic together. Back in the day when you were in college when Joshua and Jeonghan frat had a dance you actually went with Joshua not Jeonghan. You had gone most of your life having a crush on the man you’re dancing with. Jeonghan was the definition of a ladies man and constantly had ladies dying to go out with him. You couldn’t help but wonder where his date was for the wedding.

“Jeonghan, who did you bring tonight?” You asked wondering if you knew his date.

Resting his hands on your soft hips he pulled you closer to him and signaled for you to put your arms around his shoulders. He gave you that signature Yoon Jeonghan smirk that seemed to make all the girls melt as he stared into your eyes.

“I didn’t bring a date,” he simply stated.

You pushed your eyebrows together and gave him a confused look, it was rare Jeonghan ever went to an event without a date. “That’s odd,” you said with a little laugh as you swayed to the beat of the music. He didn’t say anything, Jeonghan just gave you a smile and pulled you slightly closer to his body. You swayed to the beat of the slow song the band was playing.

“I should have asked you to dance long before now,” he said softly.

“I was hiding in a corner not many people knew where I was,” you let out a soft little laugh.

He shook his head and said, “I’m saying I should have taken you out on a proper date.” His words caught you off guard. “I shouldn’t have waited until the night of your asshole ex’s wedding. And the night before I’m leaving for at least a month.” You blankly stared at him just confused by what he was saying to you. You have always had a crush on Jeonghan for most of your life, but you didn’t think in a million years he would ever return your feelings. He’s always been the talk around town with all the girls. He’s charming and oh so handsome. He could have any girl he could possibly ever want. You’re confused as to why he would want you.

“Why would you ask me out?” You asked speaking up for the first time.

“Because you’re pretty and funny and why wouldn’t I?” He stopped dancing and reached down and grabbed your hand. Lacing your fingers together he led you out of the ballroom where everyone was still dancing and you headed out to the balcony.

You stood outside in the crisp night air. You silently stared at him, not even sure what was going on. You weren't sure if this was all a nightmare for the fact you were at your best friend's wedding where the man she was marrying was your ex boyfriend or if it was a dream based on the fact Jeonghan just admitted he wished he’d taken you out on a proper date.

“Honey I like you, I have for a while,” he stated. Your eyes grew wide, shocked by his words. “You were so torn up by that asshole in there I didn’t know what to do.”

“You literally leave tomorrow for a month-long business trip,” you sighed. You weren't even going to get a chance with him before he was gone for a whole month, maybe even more.

“I’ll be back soon,” he whispered.

“What if they ask you to move there for your job?” You asked the one question that terrified you. Jeonghan worked for a big tech company and they were opening a new branch in Tokyo and they asked Jeonghan to help run it as they opened.

He dropped his head and looked at his feet. He had thought about that quite a bit.

“I’m going to come back and when I do. I’m going to take you on a proper date,” he placed his free hand under your chin and slowly tilted it up so you were looking right into his beautiful dark eye.

“Do you promise?” You asked, causing him to smile.

“Yes,” he nodded his head. “And if they ask me to stay longer I’ll fly you out to Tokyo. We can even try to do long distance.”

You hate the idea of long distance but you would do it in a heartbeat for him. “Okay.”

“Honey, can I kiss you?” he asked. You’ve always loved when he’s called you honey. He says he calls you it because you’re always so sweet to him. You didn’t say anything, you just nodded. You couldn’t lie, you dreamed about kissing Jeonghan since your early teenage years. Jeonghan and Joshua have been some of the only people who have constantly been in your life. His strong hand went from under your chin to resting on your cheek as he softly pressed his lips to yours. You smiled into his lips enjoying the feeling of his lips against yours. Pulling away he gave you that heart melting smirk. “That’s to be continued.”

You nodded and whispered, “to be continued.”

The two of you walked back inside to find the dancing had picked up again. At this point you had no desire to be at this wedding. You asked Jeonghan to wait by the door while you went and said goodbye to your best friend. Walking back to Jeonghan you asked him to walk you home. You walked hand in hand down the streets of the city until they arrived at your home.

Standing on the steps in front of your apartment you couldn’t help but smile as you looked at Jeonghan. You didn’t think you would ever get over how good he looked in a suit. His hands were in his pockets as he smirked at you. You couldn’t lie, you desperately wanted to spend the night with him.

“I want to invite you up,” you sighed.

“Honey, how much I would love to, why don’t we wait until I get back.” He reached up and rested his hand on your cheek. “You aren’t the type of girl to invite a guy upstairs before even the first date and I would love to do nothing more than go upstairs, but I need to take you out on a proper date.” His sweet words caused you to smile.

“Jeonghan, I don't want to wait until a proper date. I don’t want to wait a month or possibly more to finally be with you.” He’s silent for a moment as if he’s trying to figure out what to say.

“Are you sure?”

You don’t say anything, you just crash your lips into his. Your first kiss with Jeonghan is everything you’ve always imagined it would be.

He pulls away from you smiling, “let’s go up stairs.”

Walking inside your apartment you set out your heels and set your bag down. You can feel Jeonghan's eyes burning into you as he steps out of his shoes.

“I need to take my makeup off and change. I don’t want to be reminded of this wedding anymore.” You sigh.

“Why don’t you take a shower?” He asked.

You can play this one of two ways and you decide it’s time to be bold. Biting your bottom lip you muster up some confidence before saying, “will you join me?”

“Absolutely,” he smiles.

-

Standing under the warm water you watch him slowly join you in the shower. He’s so pretty he’s absolutely breathtaking. Neither of you say anything for a long moment, you just take in sight of both your naked bodies.

“I’ve dreamed of seeing you like this,” he says, breaking the silence. He steps closer to you resting his hand on the side of your neck. “Shau always gives me shit for not telling you how I felt.”

“I know you like me now,” reaching out resting your hand on his chest. “Are you going to show me how much you like me?”

“Is that what you want honey?” He leans forward so his forehead is resting against yours. “You want me to show you how pretty I think you are? And how badly I want you?”

“Please.”

Leaning in, he crashed his lips into yours for a heated kiss. His hand doesn’t leave your neck as your lips move together. Your finger tangled into his long blonde hair holding him close to you. You can feel his hardened length pressing against your stomach.

Pulling away you smile at him. If you’re only going to have one night, before you go possibly months not see him you want to make the most of it. You want to give him everything.

“I want you,” you say, stepping back.

“You can have me,” he says.

You drop down to your knees in front of him. He looks down at you with lust filled eyes. “This sight I never want to forget,” he pulls your hair away from your face.

You take his hardened length in your hands and slowly start to pump, feeling him growing even harder. You give kitten licks to his sensitive head. Looking up at him through your lash you see the intoxicating sight of him biting his lip holding back a moan. Hollowing your cheeks you take him in your mouth. One hand rests on his thigh to steady yourself.

You can tell he’s trying to show restraint allowing you to control what’s happening.

“Fuck- you’re good at this-“ he moans.

Releasing him with a pop you look at him and smile before slowly licking his sensitive slit that is already leaking salty precum. You take him in your mouth once again. This time he hits the back of your throat almost triggering your gag reflex.

“Baby I don’t want to blow in your mouth our first time,” he tugs on your hair gently. Sitting back on your hunches you look up at him trying to look innocent. “You’re gonna be the death of me,” he sighs. He reached down, helping you stand up.

His lips crash into yours for a searing kiss. He moves you backwards with zero effort. Your back is against the cold tile wall. His hands are everywhere he can reach, before his long fingers slip through your wet folds. The moment his finger brushes your sensitive clit you instantly gasp. His other hand rests on your neck. You realize that this man has a fascination with your neck, but you won’t complain though.

“You’re so pretty.” He whispers with his lips against your jaw. “Is our first time together going to be in this shower?”

“God I want it to,” you sigh as his finger plays with your clit. His slender fingers know just the right way to touch you. Your body feels like a live wire.

“Do I need to get a condom?” His hands never leave your body.

“No, I'm on birth control and I’m clean. I’ve never had sex without a condom.” You sigh. You know you should probably ask him to get a condom but you don’t trust anyone more in this world then Yoon Jeonghan.

“Can I fuck you raw in the shower?” His lips brush against yours.

“Please.” You would beg this man for anything.

“I need you to come on my fingers and then you can come on my cock,” his finger dipped down inside you. His palm works against your sensitive clit while he pumps two fingers in and out of you.

“Fuck-“ you whimper. The coil in your stomach is tightening as you feel like you’re on the brink of falling apart.

“Honey, just come for me,” his hand on your throat adds a little bit of pressure pushing you over the edge. A white hot wave washes over you as you moan his name loudly.

Cleaning your eyes, your head rests back against the tile as you try to catch your breath. He slowly removes his fingers from your wet core. Bringing them up to his lips he licks them clean.

“God you’re beautiful when you come,” he smiles before pressing his lips to yours for another heated kiss.

“I need you to trust me,” he says, taking your hand. “Turn around and press your chest against the wall.” You don’t even question his request, you just do what he asks. The cold tile against your hardened nipples makes you gasp. His hand kneads the flesh of your ass while running his length between your folds. “Are you ready?”

“Yes,” you moan as his bulbous head nudges your clit.

One hand grips your hip as he pushes into you. This thrust are slow but deep. This angle has him hitting the deepest parts. Your cheek rest against the tile trying to ground yourself as Jeonghan fucks you. You can only moan his name as he repeatedly brushes your g spot.

Reaching between your legs you rub your clit knowing that you are desperately close to falling apart.

“Fuck you’re tight,” he moans. “How am I supposed to go to Tokyo for a month after knowing what it’s like to be inside you?”

“Jeonghan-“ you can’t think of anything other than his name. “I’m- clo-close” you moan.

“Where can I finish?” He asked.

“Inside-“

“Baby please come-“

“Close-“ you whine.

He picks up his pace desperately trying to push you over the edge. His fingers are digging into your hips. You have a feeling he might be leaving bruises. You’ll look at them as a reminder of what unfolds tonight. This time when your orgasm hits you it’s the hardest you have ever came. You feel like you’re on the edge of blacking out. Your eyes practically roll back in your head as your walls contact. Jeonghan falls apart right behind you moaning your name. He paints thick white ropes inside you. Slowly he pulls out watching as his cum slowly drips out of you while you’re still leaning against the wall. Standing there for a moment taking in the site if you before he grabs a washcloth and cleans up the mess he made.

He helps you turn around so your back is resting against the wall. The smile on his face makes you smile as well.

“I can’t wait till I’m home and I just get to constantly be with you.”

Jeonghan aftercare consisted of him washing your hair and taking the time to fully clean your body before he pulls you to bed. He spent the entire night holding you and kissing you. You have one last round together where he makes slow passionate love to you promising he’ll be back soon.

When morning comes you drive him to the airport and say your goodbyes for now. You know that you may not get to be fully together right now, but you know that being fully with Jeonghan is what the future holds for you.

If you have asked to be tagged I request that you please reblog. If you could leave comments and tags that would be greatly appreciated.

[dissapointu]

“Tired of Watching You Hurt”

The tension in the air is thick, the silence hanging heavy between you and Vi. You stand in the middle of the small room, your chest rising and falling with frustration, while she’s leaning against the wall, her arms crossed defensively. The fight has been brewing for days, and now it’s finally spilled over.

You can’t hold back anymore.

“Vi, seriously!” you snap, your voice louder than you intended, but you can’t stop it. “Why do you always do this to yourself? Why do you keep throwing yourself into danger like this? You’re always getting hurt! It’s like you don’t even care about your own safety!”

She flinches slightly at your words, but only for a moment, before her gaze hardens, her jaw clenching. “I do care about my safety. I don’t need you telling me how to handle myself.” Her tone is sharp, defensive, but there’s an edge to it—a crack in her armor that shows she’s more affected by your words than she’s letting on.

“You don’t act like it!” you shout, taking a step closer to her, your frustration boiling over. “Every time we’re together, it’s the same thing. You get yourself hurt, and I have to pick up the pieces. I hate seeing you like this, Vi. I’m not doing this anymore! I can’t keep watching you throw yourself into danger like it’s nothing.”

Her eyes narrow, and for a brief moment, you wonder if she’s about to explode. But instead, she sighs, the hardness in her expression softening just slightly.

“You think I want to get hurt?” Vi mutters, pushing herself off the wall. Her voice is quieter now, almost tired. “You think I like it? You think I don’t know how dangerous it is out there? I do it because I have to. Because it’s the only thing that makes sense in this fucked-up world.”

You want to argue, but something about the way she says it catches you off guard. You can see the exhaustion in her eyes now, the way her shoulders slump under the weight of it all. It’s not just the physical pain from the constant bruises and cuts—it’s the mental toll, the emotional exhaustion that comes with living a life like hers.

“I know it’s hard, Vi,” you say, your voice softer now. “But I don’t want to lose you. You’re always so damn reckless, and it’s driving me crazy. I can’t keep watching you get hurt and pretend like it’s okay.”

There’s a long pause, and for a moment, you wonder if she’s going to say something to push you away. But instead, she takes a slow step toward you. Her eyes are softer now, the walls she’s built around herself faltering for a second.

“I know you care,” she says quietly, her voice rough. “But I can’t stop. I can’t just sit around and do nothing while everything around me falls apart. I can’t be weak, not when there’s so much at stake.” Her gaze flickers to the floor for a moment, almost ashamed. “I guess I don’t know any other way.”

You feel your frustration start to dissipate, replaced by something more tender—concern, worry, love. Vi has always been the tough one, the fighter, the one who could take on the world and come out the other side covered in blood but standing tall. But underneath all of that, there’s a person who’s terrified of what might happen if she stops fighting.

You step closer to her, gently cupping her face in your hands, lifting her gaze back to meet yours. “You don’t have to fight alone, Vi. You don’t have to put yourself through this. I’m here. You don’t have to keep pushing yourself this hard.”

For a moment, she doesn’t say anything, just staring at you as if trying to process your words. Then, with a deep breath, she lets out a shaky sigh, her shoulders slumping in defeat.

“I don’t know how to stop, though,” she admits, her voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t know what it means to stop fighting.”

You pull her into your arms, wrapping your arms around her tightly, wanting to offer her the comfort she desperately needs but doesn’t know how to ask for. “You don’t have to fight all the time. Let me be your safe place, Vi. Let me help you.”

Vi goes still for a moment, but then, slowly, she melts into your embrace, her face pressing against your chest. You feel the weight of her body as she lets go of the tension, her hands gripping your shirt tightly as if holding onto you is the only thing keeping her from falling apart.

“I’m sorry,” she mutters, her voice muffled by your chest. “I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

“I just want you to be okay,” you whisper, running a hand through her hair, your thumb brushing across her temple. “I don’t want to lose you, Vi. Not like this.”

She stays silent for a moment, just breathing in the quiet comfort you’re offering. Finally, she pulls away slightly, her eyes meeting yours with a vulnerability you don’t often see.

“I’m trying,” she says quietly, her hand finding yours and squeezing it. “I’ll try to be more careful… for you.”

You nod, your heart swelling with affection for her. You know she’s a fighter, and that’s not going to change overnight. But you also know she’s willing to let you in, willing to listen to your worries, and that means more than anything.

“I just want you to be safe,” you murmur, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. “That’s all that matters to me.”

Vi doesn’t say anything more, but the way she looks at you, the way her hand lingers in yours, tells you everything you need to know. It’s a rare moment of softness between the two of you, a small crack in the tough exterior she wears so often.

And for tonight, that’s enough.

[rookinthecrownest]

Discussion about romances + expectations under the cut (I'd put it as like..mildly critical, but also coming from a place of understanding?). As usual, will tag as such so you don't have to engage/read on if you don't wish to. I always invite open discussion, just keep it respectful (as I will endeavour to do so myself).

This is going to be a bit of a ramble, so I apologize if my thoughts are not clearly laid out like they should be.

I think I've found the reason why I (and maybe others), feel that the romances in Veilguard feel a bit... idk, hollow, at times (not BAD!!! just feeling like there could be MORE). And that's because of the trap of expectations. I may also be speaking completely for myself here.

Anyway, let's rewind to 2014.

Be me, 10 years ago. You're not really a gamer, but indulge in action RPG's casually.

See a commercial for this hot new game coming out called Dragon Age: Inquisition. Be intrigued by the character designs, but know nothing about the world. Come to find out it's part of a trilogy. So naturally, you buy the first two games and play through them before playing the third.

Be amazed, and completely hooked on the characters, the lore, the world, the darker elements and themes. It becomes your favourite game series of all time.

But you had no idea that you could romance any of the companions going into the experience. And man, does it fundamentally rewire your brain chemistry to fall in love with cRPG and get ridiculously attached to your Warden/Hawke/Inquisitor.

So, you romance Alistair first because he's funny as hell, and has a really interesting story/character arc. Then you romance Zevran, and love that too - he's charming and suave and awkward and funny. Then you go onto DA2 and romance Fenris and Anders, and each of those romances pack their own emotional gut punches. Then it's finally time for DAI, and predictably, you go for Solas (a veritable slow burn that spans TWO games), Cullen, and partially (I never finished those playthroughs lol) Blackwall and Dorian.

I had no idea you could romance companions going into these games. It was a pleasant surprise! It always felt like an important part of the story, while not overshadowing the main plot. There was enough material in the codexes, the cutscenes, and party banter to make each romance feel complete and whole and awesome and nuanced.

And then, like some of you I suspect, I read an article that touted Veilguard as "The Most Romantic Bioware Game Yet", and I thought - "Wow, if they're saying this then the romances must be something else", given the quality of the previous romances you've experienced in these games!

But you get to the game - and while you're having fun, it definitely leans more into the ARPG style where romances feel a bit more pushed to the side in order to tell a certain story than the traditional Bioware/Larian RPG experience you've come to love.

Which is fine! Again, once I stopped thinking of Veilguard as a classic Bioware CRPG, and more like GOW/The Witcher, I found I was able to appreciate it a lot more for what it is. Things have to Happen A Certain Way for the narrative to work, and that's not a bad thing. DA2 was similar - it was a harrowing, personal tragedy about the Hawke family and their struggle to survive in Kirkwall.

Just like DA2, there are aspects of Veilguard that make me glad things happened the way they did. I'm not mad that Rook has so much dialogue without a ton of player input and you can't 'be evil' - because the game doesn't make sense if you can. At its core, Veilguard's narrative is centered around Regret, after all - you can't have an evil protagonist running around because Solas' Regret prison would never work (evil people don't generally tend to regret their actions...)!

Now, if you're expecting a long-winded, fully researched academic breakdown of every romance I'm sorry but that ain't happening tonight lol. This is not based in any fact, this is all opinion.

I can't quite put my finger on it, but sometimes it feels like the romances in this game (and I say this with the biggest grain of salt as I've only done Emmrich and Lucanis' - and am going through Neve's now), are just missing....something, to take them from good to great.

I loved Emmrich's romance. I thought it was very well done. I think a lot of people would agree it's one of the stronger ones in the game - doubly so if you play as a Mourn Watch Rook (you get a TON of MW specific lines going this route, it's great). His side romance with Strife if you don't get together is very cute, I enjoyed it. But as superbly well done as it was, somehow, I wouldn't even put it in my top 4 Bioware romances.

With Lucanis' romance - whatever my hangups may be about how it was handled, certain parts of his romance were done excellently (even better than some of the previous Bioware romances, I'd say). You can read more about my thoughts on his romance here which is why I'm not going into detail about it. Unlike Emmrich's, I would put it in my top 4 because I fell in love with the character that much (both in the game but really, I've loved him since Tevinter Nights), and I've grown very attached to my first Rook and him as a pairing. I've seen others share a similar sentiment on here (and I hate to say it but I agree) - sometimes it feels like I fell in love with Rookanis despite the way it was handled, not because of it. I can't say that for many other romances. While it's been fun to think up a lot of HC/write fics/make art about those abandoned concept sketches and parts where I felt the game could have showed us more of their dynamic, I can't help but feel like his (and other) romances would have immensely benefited from even 1 or 2 extra small scenes to flesh it out a bit more if they weren't going to let us freely talk to our companions.

The issue with the romances might also have something to do with the pacing of the game itself. I think Act 2 is where the pacing goes a bit awry, before picking back up in Act 3 (which is great, I love it).

Sometimes I also felt that there was a little too much reliance on codex entries and party banter to tell the story of the romance rather than showing it explicitly through cutscenes. I think that's what makes the romances feel a bit truncated at times, compared to the previous entries? Some of the romance-specific party banter was so good, it probably deserved its own cutscene. But it's also highly dependent on the party you have, and it's easy to miss/not trigger. I remember absolutely living for the cutscenes in the first three entries and I can't explain why I feel like, subjectively speaking, Veilguard just has less romance content (this may not be objective reality - I haven't compared the amount of romance specific content head to head with other games).

I also couldn't tell you why I feel DA2 doesn't suffer the same problems as DATV in terms of romance interaction - because you can't freely talk to your companions in that game either. Yet somehow, it always felt like I was getting enough of them to not notice that. I do miss being able to chat my LI's ear off and ask them questions about their life/their views/etc. like I could in DAO and DAI. I think it's a shame we can't because the companions in DATV are SO interesting. I want to ask them all a billion questions about their lives/stories/etc even if they're not my love interest. The party banter in this game is immaculate but being able to talk to them individually about this stuff would've been SO nice. I feel that I've missed out on SO MUCH of these characters just because I didn't have two of them in my party at the same time!

Anyway, I need to wrap this up.

In closing, perhaps, if I hadn't read that article about how it was going to be Bioware's most romantic game ... maybe I wouldn't feel this way? I think it sent my expectations through the stratosphere, and that's no one's fault but my own. Not Bioware, not EA, mine.

I know that this game's development cycle was a unique sort of hell that the other games didn't suffer. To go from Joplin -> Morrison -> Veilguard. To have so many of the original staff leave the team when Joplin got scrapped. To have to pivot from Live Service and then back to single person RPG. More lay-offs. It's a miracle this game got made. I'm happy I can sit around thinking about it. And I hope its successful enough that we get DA5 so we can all sit around dissecting that in 5-10 yrs time.

Don't get me wrong - I enjoy the Veilguard romances for what they are. I'm enjoying them more I play and discover additional banter/codex/etc that I missed the first time around. Like any Bioware romance, there are spots where they hit their stride, and spots where they falter a bit. When they hit their stride they knock it out of the fucking park. But when they falter, you can really feel it. Romance is hard to write! And you'll never fully please everyone.

But a small part of me wishes I'd gone in blind, and checked my own expectations a bit.

Maybe you agree, maybe you don't. Tell me about it. What was your experience with the romances? Did you also read that article and get your expectations up?

I hope this makes sense.

Kind regards good fandom folks,

Keep the discussion respectful. And please don't use this post as an excuse to just blatantly hate on the game.

-Rookie

[girlwithadragonheart]

Chapter 7 - Spite's Revenge (or lack thereof)

This story contains major spoilers for Dragon Age the Veilguard. Read at your own discretion!!

Kalais x Lucanis

Summary: It's finally time to get Lucanis and Spite's revenge against the Venatori witch that tortured them.

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: Illario(yeah that should say how I feel pretty well about him), Kalais is pissed off, lots of venatori death, lucanis and kalais are so cute, sexual tension

A/N: Oooh Illario pisses me off so baddddd >:(

Chapter 6 DATV Masterlist Chapter 8(wip)

The morning light filtered through the cracks in the shuttered window, pale and hesitant, as if it didn’t quite belong in this room weighed down with unspoken words and regrets. My side still ached, a steady throb that tethered me to the moment, even though I was mostly recovered, like it was a phantom reminder of what happened. I lay there for a while, staring at the ceiling, listening to the muffled sounds of movement beyond the door. Life continued out there. Here, I felt stuck in some kind of limbo.

Eventually, I forced myself to sit up, wincing as the motion pulled at my tender skin. My gear sat neatly folded on the chair in the corner, my boots placed side by side. I wasn’t sure who had done it, but a nagging feeling told me it was Lucanis. Despite everything, he always made sure things were orderly---like if he could control the chaos of the little things, the bigger things might stop spinning out of control too.

The door creaked open, and I tensed, half-expecting to see him again. But instead, it was Varric, chest still bandaged up, and he walked with a limp while his leg was braced. His ever-present smirk was slightly softer than usual.

“Well, look who’s up,” he said, stepping inside. He pulled a stool over and dropped onto it with a sigh. “You look like hell, Rook.”

“Thanks,” I muttered, running a hand through my hair. “Good to see you too.”

Varric leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “So, you wanna talk about it? Or are we doing the whole ‘brooding in silence’ thing?”

I shot him a look that suggested exactly what I planned to do. “What’s there to talk about? We went up against a literal ancient nightmare, and I almost got myself killed. Again.”

“Yeah,” he said, his tone light but pointed. “And yet here you are. Still breathing. Which is more than most people can say after tangling with something like that.”

I leaned back against the headboard, my arms crossed. “It doesn’t feel like enough.”

“Enough for what?” Varric asked, his gaze sharp despite the casual set of his shoulders. “To save the world? To live up to whatever impossible standard you’ve set for yourself? Let me tell you something, Rook—being alive is enough. It’s a hell of a lot more than some people get.”

I looked away, my jaw tightening. “Tell that to the people we couldn’t save.”

“I have,” Varric said simpy. “And guess what? They’d say the same thing I’m saying now. You did what you could’ve. More than anyone else would’ve.”

Silence settled between us, heavy but not uncomfortable. I traced the edge of the blanket with my fingers, my thoughts tangling into knots. “Lucanis thinks he failed,” I said finally, the words tasting bitter in my mouth.

Varric nodded, like he’d been waiting for me to bring it up. “Of course he does. That guy’s got enough guilt to sink a ship.”

“Why?” I asked, my voice quieter now. “Why does he put so much of this on himself?”

Varric was silent for a moment, looking at me for long enough that I met his stare. The weight of it made me look away again. His voice was low when he asked, “Why do you?”

I looked down at my hands, flexing my fingers. “I don’t know how to help him,” I said instead.

“Start by helping yourself,” Varric said. “You can’t pull someone out of the fire if you’re already half-burned.” I frowned, about to argue, but he held up a hand to stop me. “I mean it, Rook. You’re both too damn stubborn for your own good. Maybe it’s time to stop trying to fix everything alone.”

His words hung in the air, and for the first time in a long time, I didn’t have a sharp reply at the ready. Varric stood, patting my thigh affectionately before moving for the door. “Think about it,” he said, pulling the door open before looking over his shoulder at me. “And for Andraste’s sake, try not to get yourself killed again. I’m running out of sarcastic things to say at your bedside.”

I snorted despite myself, shaking my head. “I’ll try.”

The door clicked shut behind him, leaving me alone with my thoughts. This time, they didn’t feel quite as heavy.

—-------------------------

I finally managed to drag myself out of the cot in the infirmary. My side was still tight, and the skin was stretched taut with a scar, but it was healed mostly over. Phantom pains still plagued me, but that could just have been the result of so much mental and emotional stress on a physical wound.

Lucanis and I hadn’t spoken, but I would wake to the smell of his cooking and a cioccolata calda steaming on a tray beside my bed. If that was his idea of a peace offering, I’d take it. Everything was hard enough without trying to lay our feelings out in a messy heap on the dining table. Best to keep them tucked away in organized folders, nice and neat to pull out when necessary and close up and put away in other cases.

And until the time arose for me to pull some of those folders out, they would stay right there in my chest where they belonged. Where I knew no one could see them or hurt them. 

Hurt me.

And yet, my feet carried me right to him anyway. As though they just couldn’t help themselves. As though I couldn’t help myself. Like a moth to a flame, always trailing after the danger and unable to resist the temptation of its warmth.

I knocked hesitantly before pushing open his door. Lucanis stopped mid-pace, seeing me. “Are you in here brooding?’ I asked with a slight smile.

“I’m fine,” He said, placing a hand on his hip.

“That’s not a ‘No.’”

“I had her. She should never have gotten away from me. This was our contract, Rook. I don’t fail my contracts,” he said, venom toward himself with every syllable that slipped from his tongue.

“Forget about Ghilan’nain,” I said.

“That’s why I’m here,” he argued.

“I know, but… I’m just happy you didn’t get killed out there.” I crossed my arms under my chest like I could pull that folder back in before it spilled all over the floor like loose coffee beans.

“You shouldn’t go easy on me,” Lucanis said. “Mistakes get people killed.”

“You’re an assassin,” I grinned. “So do successes.”

“I thought I still had this. Whatever else I am, I’m a professional,” he said. “After the Ossuary, I thought at least I could still take out a target. I need to work.”

“Ghilan’nain was a giant face in the clouds, Lucanis. I asked you to stab a cloud.”

“And I missed the damn cloud!”

“My point is: That was impossible, and you still almost did it. That’s not small,” I told him.

He sighed, looking at the ground. “I was distracted,” he said, looking back up at me. “That cannot happen again. I need to get my head on straight.”

“Whatever you need to do, okay?” I told him.

“Have you been to talk to the others?” He asked. “I think everyone might have… things to deal with now. I should check in with the Crows. Whatever the word is, I’ll let you know.”

“Tell Teia I said hi,” I told him before leaving. “And Lucanis,” I turned back toward him, and he looked up at me. “Stop beating yourself up before I beat you up,” I leveled him with the best glare I could manage.

His eyebrows shot up, “Is that a threat, mi estrella?”

I shrugged, smiling at him before shutting the door behind me. 

—---------------------

After a talk with Solas that night that provided no new information or feedback, I wandered back out to the dining hall to see if Lucanis had heard from the Crows. When I entered, he was standing at the corner of the table, several knives stuck into the wood.

“This is ominous…” I said as I approached.

“Viago found something,” Lucanis said.

“Something bad, I take it?” I asked, bracing myself for whatever news I was about to hear that had Lucanis sticking knives in the table.

“Venatori in Treviso. Like I thought. One of them might know where Zara is. Viago has Crows watching them. We find them, we find Zara,” he said.

“Everything she did to you… We’ll make her pay, Lucanis. Side by side,” I said earnestly.

“We just have to get this done. I’m not losing anyone else,” he said in a low voice. “We only get one shot at this. We’ll go when you’re ready.”

—----------------------

We met with Lucanis’s Crow contact. She told us that they found a group of Venatori hiding out in the market, not far from Cafe Pietra. They already took Minrathous from me. They couldn’t have Treviso too.

I would do anything to keep a home.

I didn’t like anything about this. I definitely didn’t like how willing Illario was to insist Zara had moved on and left. Especially now that Venatori were trying to occupy the city beside the Antaam.

We made our way through the city to where she said they were hiding. Of course the front door was locked. So we went up. There was always another route, this was Treviso, after all. Holes in the walls and climbing the lattice-works on the sides of buildings. Jumping between roofs and ziplining over canals. 

Still, I must’ve miscalculated a jump, my foot slipping. My heart plummeted to my stomach as I started falling. A hand gripping my wrist firmly stopped me, and a second later I was back on my feet, looking at Lucanis as his hand lingered on my wrist.

“Careful,” he said before turning to lead the way again.

I’d forgotten how fun it was to kill Venatori. They were worse than roaches. Like a rat in the last bag of rice. Lucanis watched with raised brows, almost in surprise as I slammed my dagger through a Venatori’s ribs all the way to the hilt before pulling it out and slitting his throat.

“You fight like a Crow,” he observed.

“Varric taught me to fight. I guess the rogue in him rubbed off on me,” I said in response. “Sometimes even a normal stabbing beats burning them to a crisp.”

“Remind me to stay on your good side,” he smirked.

“I think you’re safe,” I laughed.

There were lots of useless notes scattered around their hideout. Only one pointed to a possible lead. A powerful mage named Aquila. A mage? Two could play that game. Try a mage with a dagger, bitch.

It didn’t take long to get rid of him. His pockets were stuffed with jewelry from the Chantry. That was our next stop, then.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this? Facing Zara, I mean,” I asked him.

“I lost a year of my life to that Venatori witch. I owe her for that,” he said steadily.

We climbed up to the roof, and Illario was standing there. “There you are. What took you so long? Did you stop for coffee again?”

“Illario? What are you doing here?” Lucanis asked as we approached. I watched him, very much waiting to hear the answer to that myself.

“I’m coming with you, cousin. No arguments.”

“This is my job,” Lucanis argued.

“This is Crow business,” Illario countered.

“How did you even know we’d be here?” Lucanis asked.

Illario looked at me with a sly grin. “Rook! Always a pleasure. Touring the city with my cousin? You must allow me to show you the sights.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “Lucanis told you not to come.” I saw a flash of anger and disappointment cross Illario’s face before it was gone, replaced by that stupid smug grin.

“This isn’t your type of job, cousin,” Lucanis said, shifting slightly closer to me. “There’s no one you can charm into dropping their guard. Only fanatics. All you can do is get yourself killed.”

“You think I’m not good enough?” Illario questioned.

“Are you?” Lucanis asked.

“Fine. Have it your way, cousin. You know best,” Illario replied with a hiss.

“Let’s go, Rook. Zara is waiting,” Lucanis told me.

“Go on, then. Don’t keep Zara waiting,” Illario crossed his arms, watching me like a predator. I sidestepped him, heading across the roof.

We didn’t find Zara, but we found about a dozen Venatori and a bone-reader in the Chantry hall. Apparently she was Zara’s favorite soothsayer, Porcia. Lucanis said if she’s here then Zara is too.

All of her lackeys were here, which meant she was here. We just hadn’t found her yet.

And of course, when we did find her, it was in a pool of blood in the basement of the holy sanctum.

And she was naked.

Great.

“Lucanis,” she purred. “It’s terribly uncivilized to drop in on a lady unannounced. Now the evening’s ruined.”

“You’ve got something on yourself,” I said.

“How very eloquent,” she said, standing from the water. She was covered in blood up to her collarbone, hair black and wavy, lips painted dark. Her eyes were bone white, a stark contrast to her hair and the blood bodysuit.

“Bitch,” I sneered, curling my lip and flipping her the bird. Lucanis glanced at me with a similar expression, and my hand clutched my dagger as she prepared to fight us.

All of my anger with the Venatori that had built in my veins now came charging out in a concentrated blast of fire and lightning. I watched as Lucanis leaped into the air, wings erupting from his back in a display of shadow and night and everything righteous and vengeful that had been building in him over the past year.

While she was busy focusing on not burning to a crisp and spending all her power regenerating herself, Lucanis grabbed her by the shoulders and threw her forcefully against the floor. Her once beautiful face was now old and wrinkled, her hair white as snow.

She cowered against the pillar she was thrown against, trying to drag herself up. “So serious, Lucanis! Why don’t we talk? I can tell you much about Venatori… and our pet Crows.”

“No. I want. Her heart. Quivering. On our knife,” I heard Spite hiss in Lucanis’s mind.

I watched Lucanis’s face twist, his neck straining as he fought against Spite for control. His eyes flashed purple before he closed them.

“You want to know who betrayed you, don’t you? Who sent you to the Ossuary?” Zara crooned.

“Talk,” Lucanis spat.

“I knew you were—”

She was cut off by someone dropping from the ceiling. I almost had them under my blade before I saw it was Lucanis’s cousin.

“Illario!”

“I told you. This is Crow business.”

“Amatu—” Zara was cut off by Illario’s hand around her throat, squeezing the life out of her. Literally. Her neck snapped. And she was gone.

“No! Mine!” Spite hissed through Lucanis’s teeth, wings flaring from his back. Spite screamed in anger, leaping into the air and pinning Illario, arm drawn back with his dagger. I watched in slow motion as he tried to plunge the knife into his cousin. His other hand caught his forearm.

“Get. Illario. Out!!” Lucanis yelled in my direction, fighting against Spite with everything in him.

“What? No—”

“Rook, I can’t—” He screamed in pain.

“Lucanis!” I moved in front of Illario.

“No!” Lucanis screamed.

The dagger pressed against my skin, drawing a nick of blood at my collar. “Rook. Move!” Spite hissed.

I stared right into those glowing purple eyes. “No. If you want him you have to kill me first.”

Spite growled. My face cracked as the dagger drew a scratch against my skin from Lucanis’s shaking hand trying to hold Spite back.

“Rook. Hurt!” Lucanis stumbled back, eyes back to their normal chocolate brown.

“Rook,” Lucanis took a step toward me, hand out. 

“Hey, I’m fine.” I swiped my thumb over the wound, letting my magic heal it with the pass. “See? Nothing’s there, it’s okay.”

“You need to get him out of here,” Illario said behind me. “Rook. Keep him away. From Treviso. From the Crows. He’s a danger to the family.”

I spun around to face him. Approaching with my finger in his face. “If you had bloody well stayed away like we bloody well told you to, this wouldn’t have happened! That wasn’t your fucking kill, Illario! Do you know he spent a year in that fucking prison getting tortured? That he never would’ve been possessed if not for her?” I spat, my hand fisted in his collar.

“Rook—” Lucanis said weakly.

“No!” I cried. “He does not get to call you a danger when he’s so reckless. And what was it Zara called you, hmm? Amatus? The Vint word for love, if I remember correctly from my time as a slave,” I spat in Illario’s face. “Forgive me, if I’m not ready to let you off the hook just because you happened to know where we would be, and happened to know where the Ossuary was, and happened to be called love by the person we came here to kill. So, no. You get out of here Illario before I get the mind to kill you myself. Your only grace is being Lucanis’s cousin. Get the fuck out of my sight.” I shoved him and he stumbled.

“Lucanis, you’re going to let your plaything speak to me like this?” He questioned.

“Kalais is not a plaything, and you would be the luckiest man in the world to have her as yours. Just go, Illario,” Lucanis said, all of the fight gone from him.

Illario looked between the two of us, scoffed, and walked away. He was smarter than I gave him credit for, then.

Lucanis watched him go and then fell to his knees. I rushed over to him, hands on his shoulders to keep him upright. “Come on, just gotta get back to the eluvian and you can rest,” I said, helping him to his feet. “I’m alright, okay, now I just need you to be.”

Lucanis complied as best he could, Spite helping him move with me as we traversed back to the Diamond and through the Eluvian to the lighthouse.

I managed to get him back to his room, sitting down against the wall as he passed out on his cot.

—--------------------

I didn’t sleep much, but I rested a bit while he did. He sat by me for who knows how long while I was injured, I couldn’t bear to leave now.

Hours later he stirred. “Rook?”

“You’re awake,” I said, looking up at him from my camp on the floor. I had brewed fresh coffee for when he awoke sitting on the table next to his bed, the small lamp the only light in the room.

“Yes,” he said. “I’ve been trying to figure out what to say to you,” he said quietly.

Ah.

So he’d been awake for awhile, then. I just didn’t know because he hadn’t stirred.

“And…” he continued. “There aren’t words enough to apologize.” I shifted to sit on my knees before his bedside, brows furrowed. “I never wanted you to see me like that. And to think I almost…”

I shook my head. “I’m still here,” I told him. “Nothing happened that I wasn’t expecting other than Illario falling from the sky,” I said with a slight grin. “And look…” I took his hand, pulling it to my collarbone where his dagger had nicked me. “There’s nothing there. Not even a scar.”

I let go, and his fingers trailed across my collarbone, eyes lingering on the skin there. A shiver went down my spine, goosebumps raising on my flesh. Lucanis inhaled sharply, looking away, putting his hands on his lap. “We need to talk about Illario.”

“He wants you to stay away from the Crows. He… thinks you’re a danger to your family,” I spat. I’d had plenty of time to think about it and let my anger cool down. And yet, every time I thought about it, that anger came rushing back. What better way to tell I was justified than that?

“He’s not wrong. If I cannot stay in control…” He said solemnly. “Something’s not right, though.”

I sighed. “I didn’t say anything because he’s your cousin, but… I’ve always had a bad feeling about Illario,” I said carefully. “And for your sake, I didn’t want it to be true.”

“For his sake, let’s hope you’re wrong,” Lucanis said. “Zara is dead. After everything she did to me…”

“To us!” Spite hissed.

“It should have been my knife that finished this. Illario denied me that.”

“Trust me, I won’t be soon forgetting that, either,” I scowled.

“Thank you, Rook,” he said softly. “Just… give me time.”

I took his hands, squeezing them lightly. “Of course. I’ll be around if you need to talk. Your coffee is on the end table. I made it, I hope it’s alright. I tried to copy how you do it,” I said sheepishly, looking away.

His eyes were wide, and he picked up the cup, bringing it to his lips. He hummed, eyes slipping shut as he tasted it. I squirmed with anticipation. His eyes slowly slid open to peer at me. “I think… this is better than my coffee, Kalais. I might be asking you to make it more often,” he smirked.

I felt my face flush, and I stood, hands on his knees as I leaned in. “No promises that I can make it again,” I said before standing and leaving the room.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: I hope you guys like the slight changes I made! (I needed to yell at that bitch (Illario) and Zara so badddd)

Let me know if you want to be added to the Lucanis tag list or the Kalais tag list!

[american-horror-whore]

life update (tw assumed almost kidnapping, possible stalking, etc)

I should really be forcing myself to go on temporary hiatus but this is really my only safe space. i’ve been treated very roughly recently, and what happened yesterday just added. don’t worry about me leaving you all, i’m not taking a temporary hiatus

so i’m honestly just gonna start off with a message. Men, women, minors, anyone: please be vigilant of your surroundings. No matter where you are, densely populated places or scarcely populated places, day or night, be vigilant.

My car is currently in a different state, being lent to a family member (which has been going on for about a month), meaning i have to take public transport to and from college since i’m not doing dorms. Where the bus stops is just a short walk from my house, probably only 5 or 6 houses down, 5 to 10 minute walk.

Just for anyone who’ll have questions about why I wasn’t able to defend myself, Massachusetts colleges prohibits carrying firearms or concealed weapons, meaning i’m not able to take my pocket knife or any form of defense i have. The only exception is for law enforcement officers who are authorized to carry weapons. There is also no way in hell i’m leaving any sort of defense on public transport until I come back at the end of the day.

A few weeks back, I had seen an inferno orange-reddish toyota truck slowing down near me. driving it, was an older man. I didn’t think much of it at the time, chalking up to pure coincidence or misunderstanding. maybe i was someone he thought he knew? maybe he had to take a turn? i live in a scarcely populated area, only about 4,000 people live here. probably someone one of my parents knew.

Earlier yesterday, my final class ended around 2. I got off the public transport at 2:30-2:40 and started walking. I had one airpod in my ear, still semi-vigilant of my surroundings. everything was fine. Until i saw this truck again. Okay, it was slowing down, same as last time. Except the man was staring me down this time. And pulled over on the opposite side of the road. I stop, turn around to face the truck to let him know i was aware of what was happening. Shakily, i pull out my phone, pretending to take a video. The man sits in his car for a bit as i walk backward, still holding my phone out. I was too scared to even take a real video or a photo of the plates. He half-pulled out onto the road, looking like he was going to turn onto my side. Instead, he pulled away, most likely when he saw I had a phone. I had called my boyfriend when he had slowed down, just to have someone on the phone.

With all that being said, when the man drove away, I ran up the hill, back to my house. Out of fear, and not wanting to call anyone else, I call my stepfather, anything i was saying was barely audible. He told me to calm down, asked me if i was okay, and asked what happened. I told him what had happened, to which he had asked if I had the plates. I told him no. He said that was okay, talked to me a bit more, and told me to call the police. I called my local station, talked to someone, and I could tell they weren’t just brushing it off as a woman being crazy or attention seeking. They told me they understood I was afraid, but there wasn’t much they could do without the plates. I told them that was okay, and if i saw it again, i’d take photos.

I’ve been extremely shaken all night and this morning. My stepfather put in to get out of work early for the next however long to come pick me up from the stop, which I am so grateful for. But it got me thinking, what would’ve happened if the guy got ballsy enough to get out of his truck? what would’ve happened if he took me? And I have nothing to defend myself with except punches, kicks and bites, which of a 5’3, 98lbs college girl, there’s not much force behind those.

I always want to keep you guys updated in my life, because I feel transparency is important with people you care about. I apologize for how long winded this was, and if you made it this far, thank you.

tags to those know i know will care about something like this:

@fear-is-truth , @newwavesylviaplath

@taintandviolent @marchsfreakshow @cxndiedvi0lets

[jacqueline-01]

Under the Surface

Teasing , hotch x y/n fluff

It was late, the office eerily quiet after a long, grueling day. The rest of the team had already left, but you were still at your desk, reviewing case files. Your eyes were tired, and your back ached from hours spent hunched over the papers, but you were determined to finish

You didn’t hear him approach, but you felt it the moment Aaron Hotchner stepped into the room. His presence was undeniable—quiet, commanding, and far too close for comfort. You glanced up and met his eyes, and for a moment, neither of you spoke.

“Still working?” he asked, his deep voice soft but laced with something you couldn’t quite place.

“Yeah,” you replied, trying to sound unaffected as you closed the file in front of you. “Just wrapping up.”

Hotch’s gaze lingered on you, his eyes dark but intent. There was something about the way he watched you that made your pulse race. The space between you felt charged, the air heavy with unspoken words.

You shook your head. “I’m fine. Just need to finish this.”

His lips curled slightly at the corners, a subtle smirk playing on his face. “I know you, Y/N. You’re always pushing yourself.” He took a slow step forward, close enough now that you could feel the warmth radiating off him. It was almost too much, the heat between you undeniable.

Your breath caught in your throat, but you tried to keep it steady. “I’m not pushing myself. Just… focused.”

Hotch’s eyes softened, and for a moment, you could’ve sworn you saw something else there—a flicker of something deeper. He leaned against the edge of your desk, so close you could feel the fabric of his suit brushing against your arm.

“You don’t always have to do everything alone, Y/N,” he said, his voice low and just a little more intimate than usual. “I’m here if you need help.”

You cleared your throat, trying to regain your composure, but it was hard. The way he stood there, so close, his body almost touching yours—it made your heart race.

“I don’t need help,” you said, your voice a little breathier than you intended. You couldn’t help the slight teasing tone that crept into your words. “But I appreciate the offer.”

Hotch chuckled softly, the sound sending a shiver down your spine. “You’re a stubborn one, aren’t you?” His voice was playful now, but there was an edge to it—a challenge, a dare.

You looked up at him, your eyes meeting his once more, and for a second, everything else in the room faded away. His gaze darkened, his lips parting slightly as if he was about to say something, but instead, he took another step closer.

You could feel the heat from his body now, the subtle but undeniable closeness. It was a dangerous game, one you didn’t know if you were ready to play.

But the longer he stood there, the more you found yourself drawn to him—his strength, his intensity, the way he made you feel like you were the only person in the room.

"I could walk you to your car,” he suggested softly, the words hanging between you like a promise. “It’s late, and I don’t want you out there alone.”

You nodded, though your mind was racing, and your heart was pounding in your chest. You stood up slowly, the proximity between you and him too much to ignore. As you moved past him, you felt his hand brush against the back of your arm—brief, but enough to send a jolt through you.

The two of you walked in silence down the hallway, the only sound the click of your shoes on the floor. You couldn’t shake the tension between you, the way your body reacted to his every move, every glance.

As you reached the door, Hotch stopped and turned to face you, his eyes never leaving yours. “You’re not going to leave me hanging, are you, Y/N?” His voice was teasing now, but the intensity was still there.

Your heart skipped a beat, and you looked up at him, a playful smile tugging at your lips. “Leave you hanging?” you asked, your voice low and full of promise. “I’m not sure you’re ready for what’s coming next.”

Hotch’s gaze darkened, the smirk on his lips transforming into something more predatory, more focused. He took a step closer, his hand reaching up to brush a stray lock of hair from your face. The simple gesture felt intimate, as though he was memorizing every detail of you.

“Maybe I’m already prepared,” he said quietly, his voice like silk.

You stood there for a moment, the tension so thick you could almost taste it. And then, just before you thought you couldn’t take it anymore, he leaned in just enough to close the space, his lips hovering dangerously close to yours.

But he didn’t kiss you.

He didn’t move.

He simply waited. And in that silence, you both realized you weren’t the only one teetering on the edge.

[waddledeedee]

My Hero Academia Ships as Ship Dynamics

Part 3 since you guys seem to be enjoying this stuff I shall now deliver even more content for the masses!

(prepare for a lot of rare pairs you guys)

Bakumono

I'm not at all heavy on this one but I gotta say for those who do sail this ship I SO see what ur cooking up here and it's gourmet

Nejiyuyu

It's literally them who else could it even BE

Iideku

WHY MUST THEY BE SO DAMN CUTE YOU GUYS I LITERALLY CANNOT STOP MYSELF FROM ENJOYING THESE TWO A LITTLE TOO MUCH

ALSO THE DUALITY BETWEEN THE GIF AND THE FUCKING PROMPT IS SENDING MEEEEEE HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Kamijirou

This ain't even fanon anymore this is canon my hero academia lore summed up in a shipping meme

Iidamomo

Literally the definition of old rich people core embodimented (switch their pajamas and I wouldn't complain ever which way LMFAO)

Mt. Kamui

PLS I LOVE THESE TWO SM I CANT TAKE IT

Tododeku

These two represent the spectrum I stg (i thought it was crazy accurate how well this fit)

Bakudeku

Can't have one of these posts without bakudeku making at least one appearance LMFAOOOOOO

[tiredassmage]

veilguard thoughts!

rook + solas parallels edition

spoilery ofc because my head's not full of cotton balls today and i haven't stopped chewing on it all since i finished the game! so! this is a little endgame heavy; you've been warned for what's below the cut <3

the final first playthrough counter has come in just over 67 hours and i am all but physically holding myself back from launching right into another one with another rook because i had a blast. i'll concede it was a bit heavy on the exposition in the first several hours, but what followed has certainly won my heart, and i think the game is visually beautiful.

but i'm not even looking to do a full review here, but i think one of the most fascinating things this game did was set up rook and solas. so, two parts of preface then: one, i was a little determined to love this game and hoped it would at least perform decent. that's my spite about it, lol, but that's not the point, so we're not here about that. two, one of my admitted concerns when they had first announced this game having its own protagonist was... that i wasn't sure there was another person to finish solas's story other than the inquisitor, and this isn't a solavellan thing for me, though my beloved canon inquisitor is a lavellan. solas's friendship wasn't the biggest hitch in inquisition for me, but it was important to my inquisitor. he wanted to prove his friend wrong.

i don't believe hallaren had a plan at the time for how to achieve that. he wasn't sure it was actually possible to convince solas the dalish were not as lost a cause as he seemed to believe, but he had to try.

and when i started veilguard, i wouldn't say i'd have anticipated the parallels of solas and rook, nor how well they ended up working for me. i admit: they got me. i didn't see that twist coming. and the hindsight of losing varric from the beginning makes a lot hurt (i say that as a compliment). i think it's easy enough to explain why i didn't see it, why (my, at least) rook didn't puzzle it out, but i also readily admit i'm historically bad at seeing these kinds of things, so you're free to be amused on your own time, lol.

anyway. regret. not becoming what you hate, what you claim to fight against. not being beholden to what you were or what you've lost. the game hits these beats several times, and i think its a real beautiful repeating thing they've done if you hammer all the companion's stories with the main deal, and i did the memories of the dread wolf as well. rook and the inquisitor have a conversation about it that about touches on all of it way more eloquently than i could summarize.

and, of course, part of the reveal is solas did dabble with blood magic on the matter of varric's death, did set rook up for the level of regret and grief they must settle with to trap them in the fade - a prison fit for gods, a prison fit for a god's regrets.

and this is where i transition into blorbo-specific thoughts. because i think part of what fascinates and delights me so much about the rook and solas, potentially two sides of the same coin deal is how tyr's relationship with solas starts and then develops.

tyr does not trust solas from the outset. which i think is where a very interesting presentation of similar (at their roots) choices begins, as varric says: in a bar, as all good stories. one of the first story notifications we get is how rook chooses to handle the bar owner: charm your way out, or a more direct approach, and we're told varric takes note of this.

varric's own plan is an appeal to solas's nature. to talk his way out. as is varric's way.

normally, i'd call tyr the kind of character (having played with him as an oc in various medias for oh... going on 2 years, is it? maybe 3? time's fake, different post) to also prefer talking his way out. but he doesn't believe solas will listen. so he rebukes varric's plan of just waltzing up and charming him with his babygirl eyes.

then at d'meta's crossing, he spares the mayor. not because he doesn't hear the concern that the greedy bastard will fall to said greed again, and not out of an entirely conscious mandate for live with the consequences of your actions, but... in hindsight with other choices, i'd argue it's... from at least a little of that kind of place.

he tries and fails to reason with the first warden. several times. in the heat of weisshaupt, and with the recent conversation with solas about whatever it takes on his mind, he ends up decking the man. the stakes are too high for risking the first warden staying on his high horse again if another attempt at reason fails, is the driver of the decision.

i'd chewed for a while on how that would seem to make tyr's commitment to "talking things through" indicated by that first choice in the bar inconsistent. it all seems justifiable at the time, and he didn't get to the place with the first warden he was out of intentional malice, but he still wound up there.

much of that is natural by the circumstances he was presented. by making calls with the information and under the conditions that were present at the time, as anyone, not just rook, would have to do under such circumstances, if they traded places. sure, some of it is also by solas's engineering of his conversations with rook. by setting them up to be a leader asked to make those hard calls. maybe even for arguably goading them a bit into a situation where whatever it takes was their only feasible option. which neve has a great comment on:

this is, i think, most directly about varric's death, but also, personally, i have to say is applicable for solas's intervention during blood of arlathan.

so, back to blorbo for a moment. tyr begins from a place that mistrusts solas's motives. the I'm quoting you here, "lies, treachery, and rebellion" kind of mistrust. and then, as things progress, as the team unveils more about solas's past in the crossroads and through the murals, it circles back to what I think motivated much of his comment to varric that talking with solas wouldn't work: that even if solas has any regret for what's happened, he's too stubborn to concede, too trapped by the mistakes of that past to ever admit fault, to hear himself sound like the 'gods' he claims to despise. tyr continues to take solas's advice into consideration the whole time, true, because it's... hard to discount the only potentially close to the problem kind of advice and knowledge they don't... exactly otherwise have themselves. he's not sure what the other shoe dropping in that equation is going to look like, but he's more convinced it'll happen than he is entirely happy with the situation.

the murals create... a hunch. or develop it. that rather than just being too prideful about the harm he'll cause by tearing down the veil, that solas is trapped in this plan by his regrets and guilt for actions of the past. at that point, tyr... has a better understanding about how they got to this point, but it kind of only solidifies his reservations that solas might actually be reasoned with.

the one moment this is changed, then, is during blood of arlathan. because frankly i think that was one of the worst experiences tyr has in the entire game. elgar'nan's influence in their minds, and an incident where they're trapped with no conceivable way out and potentially facing down an archdemon again, not so long after weisshaupt that the losses have stopped aching.

whatever his reasons or motivations and whatever else happens, solas saves their lives. tyr can't find a way around that one, and he's not even certain he wants to. because it's one of the definitive moments where he didn't have a plan, and he was terrified the tables had finally turned against them, and they'd fail.

it's not... trust. but tyr's also spent all this time working with his team on this concept that change shouldn't exactly be beyond anyone if there's a little effort put in. and whatever his own feelings are, varric wanted to believe in his old friend, and so does the inquisitor - both people he respects greatly, and he's constantly calculating their desire for a better outcome into the rubix cube that is trying to figure out how to stop the gods.

the problem then, is that solas all but instantly takes advantage of this... lapse. this faint relaxation of tyr's guard against his manipulations. that whole little incident with the fade after ghilan'nain's fall is all but immediately after, and its a betrayal nearly thrice or so over in rapid succession: that varric's been dead this whole time, that solas has manipulated him and how he feels responsibility for the team and the regrets that arise out of having to make hard choices, especially in times like these, and then on the other side of the fade, that solas has gone to minrathous, solas is playing "hero" about it all in tyr's and the shadow dragons' backyard. and to add salt to the wound, in minrathous, it's been blood magic all along.

and, y'know. solas says sorry, says he won't tear down the veil by his own hand, but hands rook the weapon to do it for him. sets them up again. so maybe that's more like... four or five times, depending on your count and categorization of it all.

and rook has a choice about all of this to make, a certain level of peace they have to make with it all to even get out of the fade. and how much to follow varric's advice about don't become what you hate - what you were fighting all along, or trapped by what you lost.

here's tyr's opinion that solas has more than likely been beyond reason because he's too far gone on his own path to even see that he's done exactly that: that he talks like elgar'nan's control, he's just dressing it up in a different way. that he's trapped by what he's lost and sacrificed and admitting that will be too much.

and here's tyr's inescapable bitterness of having been betrayed, of having spent so long trying to be careful with the god of trickery only to have danced right to his tune the whole time. a fiery emotional response for a threat to his home, to minrathous that he's tried very hard to protect and leave a smidgen better than he found it in this whole fight.

by circumstance... and by a little of solas's own design then, rook and solas confront the same trouble of what sacrifice being a leader demands. what cost is too high? how much is too much?

i had the pieces at that point for the ending with mythal, but now i had tyr bitter and a bit more resentful about solas - in a kind of pain about betrayal that was still asking why? about it rather than worried about if regret was present or meaningful. which is where this came from in my head akdfnas;dfnsadf

you're both thinking it. and the endings directly focus on whether or not solas succeeds in tearing down the veil, but the thematic part of it, to me, was... do rook and solas recognize where they might be held back? does tyr act on the pain and resentment of betrayal and swing blindly at solas as repayment? or is it bigger than both of them? is it about posing the question to solas about regret? how much is it like what drove solas to this point to act on that resentment? is it just retaliation? or did either of them learn anything from that prison in the fade?

and that's what makes the parallel, and it's what sets them apart.

and that's how, still, in the end, i have tyr who is willing to choose trying to reason one last time. for the sake of the advice of an old friend. for the people that brought them this far, the ones who chose to believe against the odds. and maybe, even, a little bit for himself. a choice against letting regret and resentment rule.

for the sake of it and because i couldn't get this game out of my head, i checked out the other endings, just to see, and i... think i like sticking with convincing him the best for both of them.

the trick with the dagger swap i think is the only other fitting course of action tyr might've taken from that point, and i think some of its elements reflect similar beats here about... learning from the past, if you will.

the accusation of likeness to the gods is still there. the banter about wits. i am a fool who finally met his match. one might argue that's for underestimating rook, which... fair enough, but i think... it also falls in line with solas's regrets, the appeal to be made to his nature, the... want, in the end, to be proven wrong. to find a 'better' way, as once he suggested to the inquisitor, and as mythal's release from debt and rook and the inquisitor's forgiveness, if you will, finally allows.

and that is... very satisfying to have said between them, when it's been on tyr's mind the whole time. and... they can both be proven wrong this way: for tyr, that solas wasn't beyond listening, and for solas, that there was another way.

for both of them that they could move on from what these trials have made of them, what they have done, and what they endured.

and man... man that was good. and so, so satisfying. it worked, veilguard. you sold me on these two as parallels to each other.

and that's just... one of many things in this game that gave me a lot of emotions, but this has already been. a helluva ramble, so if you've made it this far, congratulations and i salute you, lol.

i'm sure i'll do it all over again and have even more thoughts about even more rooks to throw around and chew on with this and what it'll reflect about each of them and that's. MMM. that's delicious. i loved this game. if my brain and time cooperates, i'm sure i'll have more thoughts and maybe even some writings for it in the future, we'll see where the blorbos take me. xD

[thewalrusespublicist]

Hey, I've loved your insight on John and Paul's relationship after the split. Can I ask you a different question?

Namely, do you think Paul is autistic?

You don't have to answer if you don't like.

Hi Anon!

Sorry I’ve taken so long to respond to this one, I wanted to dedicate some proper time to it as it’s a more complicated one and I wanted to give it the thought it deserves. I’m sort of in the best and worst position to answer this. The best in the fact that I am diagnosed autistic (probably AuDHD but that’s a whole other thing) and present atypically (good eye contact, empathetic, have learnt to read people fairly well etc.) and in a way that many people don’t realise I’m autistic until they know me well or I tell them. However, that almost means I’m in the worst position because the possibility that I’ll potentially project traits onto Paul is much higher than the average person. But I’ll try to be as unbiased as I can.

To properly judge whether Paul is autistic you would of course need a specialist who can assess his behaviour in-depth so all of this is of course speculative. From my own-brand observations and perspective, I think I would be comfortable saying that there is a distinct possibility that Paul is neurodivergent. This could be AuDHD or just straight up ADHD or PTSD (there’s a lot of symptom overlap between the three and childhood ptsd leads to restructures in the brain). This due to the following traits that I’ve noted:

Inability to appropriately assess risk (posing lying half on a diving board over an empty swimming pool anyone?? And so many pictures of him perilously close to edges)

High need for stimulus

Perfectionist yet unable to finish things properly (Paul himself admits there’s albums that are clearly unfinished)

Trouble expressing himself

Constant fidgeting (Ringo said he was unable to keep still)

Hyperfixations that get in the way of other tasks

Intense procrastination despite periods of aforementioned hyperfixation (sorry George Martin no I haven’t done the entire score for a film until the last minute I’ve been hanging with John)

Synthesia

Potential hyper mobility (let’s just climb onto the packing in one step)

Maaaybbbeee potential co-ordination issues (man can’t really dance and when he learnt to ride he started cycling backwards) 

Rejection sensitivity

Rigid thinking 

Insensitivity 

Distracted focus (his dad talking about him watching television and doing his homework at the same time)

Tics and stims

A musical savant 

So there’s quite a bit there tbh when taken all together. That being said without proper assessment it would be impossible to say which of the three he would fall under, if any. Once again though, he shares traits that I recognise in myself and my neurodivergent friends and wouldn’t be at all surprised if he was. 

On that note, I hope you don’t mind me mentioning this anon but I think you’ve asked quite a few people this question on here? I’m guessing (again apologies if this is wrong) that you’re also autistic and relate to Paul in some way that is quite personal to you? I only bring it up as I’ve been there, being autistic is hard and a lonely experience at times and finding decent representation for high functioning autism is near impossible. I would say even if Paul is autistic or not, he’s still a great example of how having these traits in no way stops you from being loved, valued and even adored. Paul has lived an incredibly successful life partially because of his traits of neurodivergency, regardless of label that in itself is pretty great to see. So yeah whilst I wouldn’t want to put a label on it, I think he might be in our general camp and I’m really happy to potentially have him here. 

[tinkertanker-quil]

"That's right, I guess we do have quite a bit of time on our hands, especially with all the confusion. Okay, here's the rundown."

They cleared their throat, adjusted the goggles on their head before speaking once more.

"I got approached by Pony Express with their Giddyup To The Skies internship program for piloting, and they rushed me out here before-"

They began growing sheepish.

"Before Captain Curly informed me that I had stepped on the wrong vessel, and that my mentor was someone else, another Curly, and deemed me very under qualified for the position, or at least in this state."

Quil would stop fidgeting so much and begin to smile a little reassuringly. "Captain Curly did say my skills could be useful for other things, as I was in college studying in Physics and Product Design. Engineering skills and math come second nature to me, so captain said I could be make myself useful around the ship as needed. "

Very rarely, I hear a small drip somewhere inside the ship. I haven’t been able to locate it currently, but if anyone else manages to find it let me know.

[waywardstation]

WIP FRIDAY

I apologize for getting this out two days late, I’ve been busy with lots of packing and events! But I have a little reprieve, so I wanted to post another WIP; this one is from Heart Full, Bowl Empty.

BE AWARE THAT THIS SEGMENT INVOLVES A CONVERSATION REVOLVING AROUND UNWILLING BUT INTENTIONAL STARVATION. I know there are people who say they can’t read this fic because of themes like this, so be aware of this before reading this WIP!!

I included this snippet in today’s WIP because I have like three versions of the entire segment this snippet is from. I feel like it’s a really important segment with a really important conversation, and I’ve had a hard time balancing all the emotions the way I want to between Ingo and Akari, with frustration, sadness, anger, and empathy, to realistically get them to the resolution I want at the end of it.

The final version will probably only include a few parts from this particular segment.

Enjoy!!

—————

“I knew it! You’re doing it again!” Akari’s eyebrows scrunched, trying to understand through the frustration. “You said you wouldn’t!”

“Circumstances will improve soon.” Clearly done with the conversation, that was all Ingo said, but it was confession enough that he had fallen back on his word. Shame contaminated his voice, but if there was any regret, he hid it well.

“No, it won’t!” They were not even half-way through winter yet. “And you know it won’t!”

Ingo said nothing as the kits carefully moved around his slumped form, finding comfortable places to settle around him. She didn’t know if he intended to snuff the conversation out with angered silence, or if he was just too exhausted to care about arguing with her anymore. If it wasn’t for his small occasional signs of movement or acknowledgement, she’d think he was actually sleeping.

Akari carefully stepped into the nesting layers, moving to sit down next to Ingo. She settled with her back against the cavern wall, pulling her knees close as a few kits shuffled around to accommodate her. “You know I’m right.”

Huffing out an irritated sigh and nothing more, it didn’t seem like Ingo had any intentions to engage with her argument anymore.

“You couldn’t even pull yourself up over the ridge,” She prodded at him again, trying to motivate more conversation out of him. “I had to help you!”

“There are many, many factors that go into that.” A reluctant answer, perhaps a reflexive attempt to quell her worry; Ingo feebly rubbed his wrapped hand, almost as a display for his excuse.

“I’ve seen you do more when you’ve been hurt worse.” Akari retorted, a little softer now but still cold.

Ingo’s eyes remained closed, though his hardened expression implied that it came across as more accusatory than she’d intended. But perhaps it was precisely the time to be accusatory.

“Ingo, you’re so tired all the time now – you stopped coming to the training grounds because you just can’t make the trips all the time anymore! And you’re sleeping so much more than you used to, and it’s like you’re always hungry all the time, even though all I see you doing anymore is gathering food!” Akari’s voice grew more jagged as she continued to jab at him, entirely uninterrupted.

It was getting difficult. With Ingo’s tunic still sopping by the bucket, still somewhat red from the exhausted effort of washing out the blood, it could not hide the ribs that pressed out just a little bit more, or help fill out what the waistline had lost under the loosening belt. The abject dread of directly acknowledging that was too much.

“And- and look! You aren’t even willing to hold a conversation with me anymore, and I don’t know if it’s because you just won’t, or because you can’t!” The kits shifted uncomfortably as Akari retreated back into her own frustration instead. “People think you’re sick, Ingo! They’re asking me about you! What are you doing?”

The exhausted man remained where he laid in the nesting material, only moving his hands to rub at his face and sigh — a deep, forced sigh that swelled his side before releasing. Akari almost didn’t think he’d answer her, but with some effort, he propped himself up first onto his elbows, then slumped forward. The teen watched him run shaky fingers through his hair as he sat next to her.

“…I don’t know what I should do.” The guilt. The weary guilt cracked his voice and tore Akari’s anger down to heartache.

[seagreenstardust]

The album Phantoms by Marianas Trench is so bkdk coded!!!!!

Only the Lonely Survive, Don’t Miss Me, Glimmer, I Knew You When, Death of Me, UGH THEY’RE ALL SO GOOD

He’ll never scar you like I do, but he’ll never know you, not the way that I know you

Can we forgive and forget, can we lay to rest, can we catch a breath

Never more to leave here, you should never be here, I know my love can be the killing kind

!!!!!

[camzverse]

apologizing in advance for the person i will become when the next pjo show season comes out

[james-spooky]

this is a test