#i cant make up more shit to make me feel better if i do that any more ill have another derealization moment
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azonewithu · 4 hours ago
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I girss with your city in ruins snd everyone defeated by me youre the mediocre people you found out in the end. But i dont relate well to your movie that guy seems reas snd acts likr a punk. It coukd never be me because i dont take shit fton people. Ill kill snyone who gets on ny nerves Jenna. But its a cuye movie in enjoying it anyway its fun. Uour southern accent vanishes and reaapears its cute but kibd of smsteur hour. Didnt the firector notice that. Ha ha ga or say snything. It fiesnt take away from the story which idnt bad. An ambitious dtory but my msin pronlem with stories like this is some old guy wrote it or something. High school girls ate never this complex or interesting but i suspend my disbelief. Oh now its over. You werent bad in it. I cant relate though ive always stood out snd above all other artists Jenna. You know the best of your idiot i dustry cant hold a candke to me right. All the odlscars all thst time and none of you can write as well as me with as much power and prophecy. All the prizes you give im still deadlier snd better. You try abd gight me your whole ciry slmost burned. Emma asked me not finish uou off or Jenna your city would be gone too. Remember thst that girls saved your cute lil ass. Fucking with me can mean a bulket in the head you fint knjw snyoneceith sny power lije me.ill backhand snyone in your idusyrybi made you all look kinf if weak now. None of uou movies or stories are as vompelling as what i can write. You should slmist just give up but i know yiu wont. Whats the medium suzed word. Incorrigible. Yeah thats it. Its almost like you should taje a brrak but you never will. Thats your worst americsn fault. But you know what. Youre really great Jenba i live you andxwant you to do well anyway. I fint know why its not ir acting movues thats only the second one i saw. You pop off the screen and are sexy snd fun to watch. You want to kill everyone in your industry in a few sentences. None of your movies are as great as you say they are Hollywood or snywhete in earth. Oyher yhsn rate exception any time an ape tells me donethings so great i just say back, yeah its almost like they had a team of monkeys working on the script all week. Ha ha ha and check and mate. Its too mych youre too much period Jenna its too much making all your art shit. Even if it is good. You americans are loke that in msny ways. Trying living a little instead of expressing yourself or keeping track of everything. Tske a chance that youre not the greatest i am by far. Ive embarassed all you smericans msking you look weak. Im Azriel i kivked you ass eith the weather. Youre kind of a joke a lot of people are yhinking now. Ha ha ha im so fuckn right so i dont knlw go fuckn cry. The eorkd figured you put that youre kind of fucked. And you are plagiarists. Gid hates those people. You kind of maje me sick and i feel youre pathetic but i like art. Il not mad at my lik girls i live them. Its slways some asshole thats more got my ire. Im gonna hurt you all sone more you know tgstvright. Im hapoy the weathers crushing you. Your voubtry deserves ehat it gets good snd bad more bad than good thesecdays.
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k-aemi · 2 days ago
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yo hiori ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ a little blood wont hurt right?
smut, period, blood play(?), dub/non, none of my work are proofread.
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yo hiori would definitely love the sight of your blood on his cock. just seeing the red stain on his dick turns him on more and his thrive to continue. if you were to protest a bit, he wouldnt force but convince you into it. "cmon baby, sex helps the cramps yknow.." rubbing that stomach of yours.
you tried to push him off but he insists. telling you to trust him and only the "tip" would be inserted. but can you really trust him? this man has a thing for crippled girls that cant escape from him. "but hurts too much.." youd grumbled.
"see? my dick will help okay? just the tip, yeah baby?" hed grind against your ass, feeling his bulge prodding at you. hes your boyfriend, so he wouldnt go beyond the boundary right? just the tip he said, yeah! just that...
"but my blood-" he shushed you. "'s okay baby, i bet your blood will make my dick look super pretty." he cooed you as he settled in between your legs, taking his hardened cock out to rub on your panties as he held it. seeing his cock head in and out as your panties wettened by the second.
you dont know this but hiori perhaps love the smell of your period blood mixed with your pussy juices. he doesnt know why but it has this musty skin smell that gets him thriving for more. he loves sniffing your panties inhaling that sweet nectar scent of yours. how could he only just put the tip in?
"'kay baby ready?" he slides his cock against your slit and you give a meek nod. you werent expecting him to insert it in, you just barely moved your head..."oh fuck...baby your pussy feels great..." he wasnt sure if it was because you were on your period, but it felt fucking great to him. whimpers elicit from your mouth as you clench your pillow.
"baby can i put more in...? please, feels too good." he didnt even get your permission yet and hes pushing more of his cock in! "w-wait yo...ah" you breathed out as the cramps were still present. "s-shit..." he shuttered. hiori wasnt that thick, but sure was lengthy. reached the deepest parts of you.
pulling out was probably his favorite sight, he got to see the blood coated on his dick, and it spurred something inside of him, like this desire to do oh so many things to you. "look baby, all your bloods on me." he grinned, starting his rough pace.
"w-wait yo-! you said just the tip.." you whimpered as tears peaked from the corner of your eyes, biting the pillow that laid below you. "but baby you feel so good, your cramps g'na go away soon ok? just let me have this..." he growled as he continued to look below him, blood mixed with your juices squishing out your tight hole, he cant hide that smirked of his.
you muffle your cries otherwise the neighbors downstairs will complain probably, youd hate the thought of knowing others you and your boyfriend have sex mostly every week...but the way he pounds into you, you cant contain them as shrieks spilled from your throat. your body tenses when you feel his thumb rub circles on your clit. you were on edge, your orgasm coming in soon.
"baby you tightened up, g'na cum?" he has that dumb innocent smile on him as hes pounding you so rough. skin slapping skin filling the room. you cant even give him an answer as your juices gush out, on his cock and sheets. red staining both.
hiori can only fasten his pace as he loses his rhythm, signaling his end. pulling out and jerking himself before he spill his hot liquid on your stomach and pussy. he sighs and admires the mess upon him. he falls next to you, wrapping his arm around you. "feel better?" he kissed you. but theres no response, he looks over to you and perhaps it was too much, you ended up passing out.
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hi. back again(kinda). pls request :>
divider creds: cafekitsune, anitalenia
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shikaizer · 1 day ago
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you hated caitlin with all your guts because she always get cocky towards your girlfriend paige, so she gave you a real reason to hate her.
warning — cheating/caught SMUT
"fucker" you muttured under your breath when caitlin walked pass the two of you with a cocky smirk, paige held on your arm tighter giving you a look 'calm down'
throughout the game, caitlin has been giving you those annoying stares, whenever she scored, she was also the reason your girlfriend paige was kicked out the match.
caitlin catched the curse you gave her and she turned her body walking towards the both of you, you kept your gaze on her and she smirked amused.
"wanna say that on my face princess?" she kept her gaze at you completely ignoring the blonde girl beside you, but she was quick to step up and glare at caitlin. "bro stop." paige spat and caitlin laughed. "telling me to stop? your little girlfriend is starting this shit." she muttured the tension getting more dangerous.
"paige lets go." you held on paige's hand and she sighed looking over at you, the way back to your hotel was quiet, you didnt know if paige was mad at you or at caitlin, but you didn't dare speak up.
when the two of you reached your room, she was quick to slam you on the door and kiss you deeply.
you pushed her gently and bit your lip looking up at her, you know she was tired, and you wanted her to rest at the moment. "rest baby." you whispered and she rolled her eyes.
the tension between the two of you was akward and questionable, maybe because you cant help but get stressed over at caitlin.
she let out a loud sigh and made her way to the bathroom attitude in her face plastered, you stood there for a moment and sat down on the couch sighing.
"fucking cait." you muttured and looked out at the big window that had the scene of the big buildings.
you put out your phone and messaged caitlin.
'room 241, 4th floor'
'knew you'd aint gon resist me pretty girl'
truth be told, you and caitlin have been hooking up behind paige's back, but you cant help it when she gets all cocky towards paige just because she knows how well she would fuck you.
the constant calling and texting, the secret meet up. all it took to stir your feelings.
it didn't take long for the door to open, you flinched and quickly turn your head to see if it was paige, but it was caitlin, the audicity.
"gosh cait" you half whispered walking to her and she was quick to grab your arm and slam her lips against yours.
you whimpered thru the kiss and she pulled away biting your lower lip.
"missed me baby?" she whispered and you glared up at her. "what was that earlier?" you scoffed and she raised her eyebrows. "what did i do know?" she asked leaning down.
"stop being so full of yourself, especially when it comes to paige." you furrowed your eyebrows and she shrugged. "cant help it baby, im just better than her."
you scoffed rolling your eyes, she grabbed you closer to her and kissed you again this time it was more passionate, her teeth kept scraping your lip turning you on.
you pulled away and frowned. "im serious, if you dont stop i swear-" she cut you off kissing you again gripping on the back of your hair.
she led you to the couch while both your lips are pressed, she plopped you down the couch relaxing when you felt your back pressing on the matress.
she pulled away, now shes on top of you scanning your whole body. "so clean baby— does she not touch you?" assuming your clear neck, by now when it came to caitlin, it would be all covered in hickies, but you cant blame paige since she have been busy.
"she does, not in a way you do." caitlin took this as a compliment assuming the big smirk on her face but you spoke up again. "i mean shes more gentle, and i love that for her." you stated lost in her eyes while she listened.
"oh you want gentle huh?" she asked tilting her head and you nodded. "cant promise." she clicked her tounge mocking a worried sarcasm.
she pulled your shorts down and slapped your thigh making you whince, she kept her gaze on you and slowly trailed her fingers on your thigh up to your clit.
"please.." you breathe out and she smirked biting her lower lip. "fuck— you needed this as much as i do huh?" she cupped on of your breast and you moaned nodding.
she starts to rub your clit never leaving her gaze on you scanning your reaction. "you know.. i get so fucking mad whenever your with paige." you furrowed your eyebrows and bucked your hips up.
"well— no shit shes my girlfriend." you stated and she rolled her eyes pinching your clit. "leave her." you whinced taken back by what she said.
"what?" you asked out and you gasped when she entered three fingers without warning. "you heard me, fucking leave her." she muttured teeth gritting. "i cant.." you whispered out and she thrusted her fingers deeper making you whine.
"if you dont, i'll fucking tell her." you frowned and was about to push her, but she was quick to hold your arm securing your position. "caitlin!" you muttured half shouting and she smirked looking at your helpless body.
"what will it be hm?" she asked cooing as she thrusted faster making you arch you back.
"caitlin i—" you gasped when you heard the door open, you forgot that paige was just in the bathroom showering, your whole body freezed as you slowly looked up to see paige standing there shocked towels in hand.
caitlin was also shocked, but quickly gained composure.
"WHAT THE FUCK!?" paige shouted completely shock by the situation.
MASTERLIST
TAGLIST @janaelalfysloml @gabbyygoo @brenwritesss @addl0vee @sharksmom69 @bellaprintz25 @leiyanzyves @belsouza21 @apbueckers @loviingsunflower @luldejamleer @simpf0rriddle08 @paige05bby @scarrr5 @shootingstarrrrr @rosemariiaa @leslienjazzy @liviyy @weluvwbb @vicsstufff @taylynbueckers44 @yourmom-25s-blog @d7dream @paigesbasketball @sevikasleftbicep @azzisbueckers @bribadoobeee @tndaqlwifwy @dalilahissilly @bethsleftnip @fitecuddles @uwupaige @melpthatsme
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fucking-brains-out · 2 days ago
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DC X DP Idea
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So one of my favorite prompts is when Danny or Ellie has to be incubated bc of GIW/Fentons shenagigans, the person that does that it normally is Tim or another member of the Batfam, but hear me out-
What if it was Kon who did it?
It makes sense for him to do it, since half alien anotomy (what if the Kryptoinains could carry bbs too? doesnt matther the gender of the kryptoinain) so Kon ends up carrying Danny (and Ellie if you want) for whatever reason, it could be that when Tim wanted bring Bruce back from the Timeline he made a truce (is it called a truce??) with CW that he had to carry Danny core to reform but Kon when he gets back from time travel shenagigans found out about it and convincs CW that he could carry Danny CW accepts since Kryptoin biology is similar to a ghost biology (also bc he wants to see how this goes) when Tim gets back he panicks since he didnt agree that Kon is the one who suffers te conseuqencios of his actions but its to late, Kon is now carring Danny Kon and Tim dont know what to do, the JL and their families dont know abt them having truces with an unknowk identity so they decide to make everyone think that Tim got Kon pregnant (since carrying Danny is similar to carrying a baby but more freaky)
At first they didnt tell anyone not even Cassie and Bart- since this was their mess, but since a core of a ghost is similar of kryptonite radiation (just the first weeks later on it doesnt have it) and makes Kon very sick and weak Tim tries to make him feel better but baby Danny is just being a little shit (not really its CW fault in not telling them that a core is similar to kryptonite) Jon is the one who first notice that Kon is not well and tries to help him (even if he doesnt know what is wrong) but Kon reasuress him he is ok (he isnt-) and Jon notices that Tim is the only one who seems to know whats wrong
So he convinces Damian to know the bottom of this, and Damian since he wants to know why Tim is so stressed (that is not Bat realted) also wants to know, so the supersons duo follows them and spy on them Meanwhile while oblivius of the two of them being spied on, Tim tells Kon they cant hide this anymore, that this (refers to Danny) is making him sick, more than an normal person, that maybe Clark knows how to help but Kon doesnt want to (bc insecurities, Clark is not an asshole to Kon anymore but you know ✨trauma✨ and ✨parental issues✨) and he cries that he doesnt want Danny to be hated like him bc he is having him (Kon is having many mood swings thanks to Danny) Tim tries to calm him down while Jon adn Damian are in shock since apparently Kon is pregnant?! and having health issues with the baby (oh no) doesnt want to tell anyone bc of their past relationship with Clark (Oh, noo) Tim is the baby daddy apparently? (Damian is having a crisis)
Jon and Damian tell their dads (for various reasons) Jon tells Clark bc he is worried adt Kon and Damian, well Damian just tells Bruce that "Drake knocked up the Oldest Superboy" Clark and Bruce have varius reactions of this
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Anyone who wants to put their own contribution go ahead i dont really have any ideas xd
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pleasedontcareaboutme · 3 months ago
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valzhangism · 4 months ago
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i know i said i was happy about how mel's story went, but the more i think about it the less i'm sure about that. this is very much connected to how the themes of classism and wealth disappeared in s2, but mel in the beginning was the epitome of piltover. she wanted to advance piltover to prove herself to her mother. to "put piltover—" and by extension herself, "—on the map."
she wanted wealth just to have it. and i'm not blaming her for anything that happened, especially with hextech! she, just like jayce and viktor, could not have known what it would lead to. i mean yeah heimerdinger said so but who the hell listens to heimerdinger? but anyway i think mel changed throughout s1, much in thanks to jayce. by the end she's become more cognisant of the mistreatment of zaunites. she's the first to vote for their peace. she was a good person all along but now she knows how to act on it. it's also seen more in s2 act 1. when she covers her painting with gold, it's symbolic—she won't act according to what her mother might think. she won't let her desire for approval dictate her anymore.
so somehow i wish those themes were. continued, somehow? like again they were dropped not just with mel but the whole show and it makes her story a off to me. there's no meaningful commentary on war or classism or how her ideology stands opposite to her mother's. like some people have said, it feels like she doesn't have much agency, even if she is really cool. and that to me is a shame because agency felt like her thing. "to shape your own destiny" as she says to jayce in s1. i know her collaborating with the black rose (but not fully joining them) and learning magic is supposed to represent becoming independent from her mother, taking her own path, but some other aspects of her character were thrown away... the more i think about it the more i'm thinking they kind of #girlboss-ed her a little bit. maybe to sell another champion. i can't help but feel like even though i enjoyed seeing her on screen, the payoff didn't feel proportionally satisfying compared to her setup in s1.
#mel medarda#her characteristics; the whole point of her dichotomy with her mom;#is that she does not use violence. she fights and controls with words.#with her intelligence. with her knowledge of people and their minds.#so now thinking about it i'm a little :/ that not only#did we not get to see a lot of that in s2#but she just. became another fighter?#i also know there was that whole thing about how mages aren't accepted in noxus but#honestly? kind of stupid. magic violence is still violence.#and i know arcane retcons a lot of things but.#the lore noxus. was not like that iirc. and it feels like a strange thing to just make up.#done in service just to make mel a Cool Badass Mage™ while still saying#hey guys! she's still different from her mom don't worry!#also. hey. hey. why is she going back to noxus. can someone to explain that to me#like ok i know it's her only connection left. i kinda understand.#but at the same time...? what. is she gonna do there#i know sevimel is a crackship but i kinda wished she stayed in piltover to help#better things for zaunites. and help sevika on the council#(god knows she needs it)#that might have been a fitting conclusion to her character. to me!#look i cant lie and say i hated watching mel be all badass like. she's awesome.#but character writing wise... kind of let down?#we didn't even get to know more about her past or where she's from.#and yes i know they're prolly going to explain it in the new show because they were noxusbaiting hard.#but man... i don't know...#sorry holy shit that's a lot of words.#if anyone has any opinions would love to hear them. still very conflicted on this whole thing.#it just feels like i'm missing something.#arcane
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good-enemy · 7 days ago
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Finally started watching severance, I'm a few episodes in and I have several questions, first off why does Helly only seem to own 1 pair of shoes
#ive gotten some like vague spoilers off the dash#is the wellness lady marks wife#cause i feel like ive seen 'gemma casey'#and the fact that she had gemmas candle#also the fact that shes clearly not really dead#also the fucking neighbour boss lady who's name i cant remember#do we like her or not. i honestly cant tell#whos side is she on#her own ?#also petey </3 thought he was gonna last longer i liked him#also i need to see more like innie vs outie of the same person bc i love innie helly but i hope outie helly never comes on screen again#i hate that bitch#but its the same person ??#i saw a post about how their personalities are inherent but their values are circumstantial and i find it rlly interesting#also outie irving sounds like a bad bitch based on his wellness routine thing#if all that was actually true and not just shit they make up to make the innies feel better...#oh also bringing it back to marks not dead wife#if that is true then :/ i kinda shipped mark and helly so idk how thats gonna work#i feel like outie mark and innie helly would get along great at first but ultimately crash and burn#innie mark and outie helly from what ive seen so far would be great#well not great. great as in theyd work out#but theyd be toxic af#HOWEVER both of their outies would fucking despise each other#and honestly the dynamic between their innies is probably my fav i love them wtf#hes known her for like thirty seconds and hes already taking the fall when she fucks up and trying to save her and what have you#like im sorry idk what this says about me but. that would absolutely work on me#also irving & christopher walken <3 wtf <3 im obsessed <3#although theres defo something weird going on with christopher walken so i hope he doesnt break my heart#...or irvings heart but more importantly mine#also i love christopher walken in literally everything hes in hes such a treasure
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zackcharine · 3 months ago
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I need to try harder to get out of bed but augh
#🤖.txt#aghhfjg i really need to catch up on sleep. but i also want to do stuff but idk. this is dumb but nothing i do really feels worth the effor#anymore. Thinking like this is sad bc drawing is one of the few things i like doing and make me happy but idk#i might just go back to the way things were before. Just wait for the weekend and spend as much time drawing then#genuinely dont want to do anything at all this is so frustrating and im so tired and sad all the time#i know i should be using my break to focus on studying but with what time#Idkkkk i just really hate living like this#thinking about dropping out again but that would just mean house chores + babysitting full time while job hunting and idk if i can handle#that. I cant handle anything anymore and this is making me so sad . I want to be useful and do so many things but i reached my limit months#ago. I just wanted a week or two to just rest its all i need . But i know im never gonna get that again and at this point i might as well#just die but i cant do that neither bc i have shit to do#Everyone is always talking about how i have it so easy and how things are just gonna get worse bc they think me being home = me not doing#anything and idk. I cant take anything anymore and i think the most upsetting part of this is that i know theyre right#im not doing barely anything and i dont know. How to do more im just useless and ungrateful for the things i have#Really stressed and tired and literally nothing happened. Its gonna be 2pm soon and im supposed to wake up Earlier#But yeagh. this wasnt supposed to be this wall of text i just wanted to say that i might give up on art again for a while#aughhh i dont know how to do anything right idk how to live or take care of myself how am i supposed to raise someone .#this is. too much i think. I reallyyyyy need to relearn how to just talk to myself . I cant keep dropping these everyday and being . This t#evsryone around me. Everyone in my life deserves so much better than ill ever be#vent
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rapidhighway · 6 months ago
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i might've fucked up -.-
#idk what's wrong with me#god im so tired of being stressed all the time and im tired of it#just being fully my fault ugh why do i keep fucking up this entire uni thing#im just so stressed i freeze and i don't do the things i have to do i dont send documentation#i didnt sign up for ANY class yet because i just couldnt get myself to look at them and i think i fucked everything up and its going to#be a whole thing#idk i would just rather stay at home and do nothing but i cant so i gotta go#but i feel sick at the thought ugh#i dont feel any energy to do any assignments of even go to class already and im not even there im still at home#ughhhhhhhhhhhhh#im so tiredd i cant do this#i have to pack and i cant get myself to do it either#vent#sorry sorry sorry#i need to talk about it i cant talk to anyone here cause ill just get yelled at or something my fam doesnt get it it just makes me#feel worse ughhhh#idk if i should even go#i feel like im wasting people's time and money and my own sanity just to underachieve and feel like shit all the time but the one thing#that therapist told me was that i shouldn't drop out because it's gonna solidify my views that im constantly failing at everything so this#has been one of the main reasons im still trying idk maybe itll do something one day#but heyy if i keep at it maybe next month my uni will give me money so i can go to a psych appointment or something#tho tbh the more i think about it the worse i feel about THAT like yeah i feel like shit but i feel like if just was better and stronger an#less lazy i could do it all easily
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ryuseitai · 7 months ago
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iim mad at my glasses riight now. we arent on speaking terms
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artificer-real · 2 months ago
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anxiety anxiety, go away, come again never
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mainfaggot · 3 months ago
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how do you cut someone off
#like without drifting apart gradually bc tbh i dont wanna be close friends anymore#i feel constantly misunderstood and perpetually weighed down in this person's presence#we're close friends but i dont even like her anymore#and i feel BAD about it but i just cant stand their ass! everything feels like a competition with them. everything feels miserable.#it's definitely partially my own fault bc i do a lot of comparing due to our laundry list of similarities#but it's partially their fault bc shes always adding fuel to the fire#like we can never just agree on things#and whenever i try to balance myself and stop being so competitive here she comes with her damn#need to make even more comparisons between us#also like. they cannot just shut up about how hard life is#Trust me i know! i take 3 pills daily for psychological issues. i have been since i was 18#like they always have to talk about how haaaaard having ADHD is how difficult their life is like#it's one thing to open up to your friends and vent every so often and another to make your illness your entire personality#i rant about all my issues in depth on tumblr BECAUSE i know better than to dump all that onto my friends who are already struggling#im not saying it's Trauma Dumping to talk abt ur problems but holy shit in moderation#like i dont have the mental or emotional capacity for this!!!!#that might sound really mean and god forbid extremely individualistic but it's truly because#im trying to HEAL im trying to RECOVER#and with someone constantly messaging me about their ailments and symptoms and struggles! well it makes me feel like we're both bound to be#stuck foreverrrr#also apart from that i dont enjoy their company. they used to be interesting and now they're just negative half the time if not more and#constantly playing the devils advocate for seemingly no real reason#im not perfect either in fact i can be a real asshole in friendship im aware. but this one particular friend has been pissing me off for#over a year and that has to mean something#like why now and why for this long?#if it really is a Me Problem then okay! like i fucking suck im horrible or whatever lets not be friends so that she can be happier!#idgaf anymore maybe im the bad guy but either way we're better off apart#z.post
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago
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...
#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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connormoving · 5 months ago
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its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF
#not anything serious i was just thinking how like. idk. this is gonna sound rly stupid#but for me personally like. sometimes. How do i phrase this without sounding rly evil#i think obv ppl can spend their money however they want but like. its kind of hard 4 me to grasp sometimes like. there r things that ppl#spend a lot of money on bc it makes them happy like umm. vacations or pets or hobbies or whathaveyou. and obviously thats fine but#i iust feel like its all so. temporary and like. idk. idt im ohrasing this right at all i just likee. the thought of working all year to#afford to take a vacation and then working again to afford another vacation just makes me feel like i want to die. like. idk... i like#vacations we dont need to go on them a lot but ig its just like. everything we do just feels like a waste of time. not in like a Ohh you#should be doing more work Obviously its just like. idk. maybe it is just me. but i feel like im just waiting until i die and can be done#with it i guess. and everything i do is just to fill time until that happens. yk ? which is silly bc of my whole. Thing i cant talk abt#but ppl talk abt like. going out and partying or going on vacation or whatever and i like. I like those things its nice when they happen#but they dont rly make me longterm any happier i guess. everything just feels like another thing im doing. idk. this rly isnt coming out the#way it is in my head. and Again i know this is just depression shit or whatever im just like. its all exhausting. it just makes me feel so#tired. to think abt working and working and working so i can pay to be alive and i can save to do one fun thing every so often to keep me#sane enough to keep working and working and working and i probably wont ever be able to retire itll just be. work. and then ill die. yk.#but i feel like the vacations and stuff dont like. refresh me very much. maybe its just bc ive only been on one 'vacation' as an adult and#it was just like. coming home to see my family. and realizing id have to move back home yk..#+ like. my mom nd my gran taking me out for a weekend when i lived up there#nd those things were nice and all but once its over its like. it doesnt fuel me to keep going it doesnt make me feel any better abt having#to work for the rest of my life#ik im being ridiculous bc im literally unemployed and i cant even get up off my ass to get my stupid fucking ged so i can get a job and be#Useful to my family its just like. idk.... i try so hard to be like Oh nothing mayters and thats why everything matters type thing like. Yes#all things end and the point is to just try to be happy until it does#but i feel like it just doesnt happen for me. i feel like any happiness i feel is so insanely like. it happens and then its gone. and its#back to just. the knowledge that im still fucking stuck here. and i will be until it happens. yk. i play video games tomoass the time until#i go back to sleep then i wake up and i make a spreadsheet to pass the time until i go back to sleep#and everyday just feels like passing the time until i go back to sleep and itll just keep going until it happens. and its nice to have nice#days but whats like. the point. yk. everything just ends#IDK. this is all very whiny im sry. ive just been feeling it a lot lately . i hope this doesnt feel like me being like Ohhh you ppl r so#dumb participating in hobbies and going out and having fun dont you know yr gonna DIE? thats not what im trying to be like#its just like. i feel like it doesnt make me as happy as it does other ppl like. none of it refreshes me or makes me want to keep going
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