#i cant help but feel like nobodys actually listening to me. like the only people listening are the ones too far away to ever hold me

[mintgreen-homewrecker]

dont mind the vent in the tags

[nadvs]

watch and learn (part two)

pairing fratboy! rafe cameron x female reader

rating explicit 18+

content warning drug and alcohol use

summary it takes one conversation with your college dorm neighbor to know you won’t get along. rafe is loud, rude, and short-tempered. after he overhears you talking about a disappointing fling, he loses his confidence in his sexual abilities and suggests you start hooking up to both improve your skills in the bedroom. you can’t stand him, but it’s too good of an offer to turn down.

» masterlist

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You’re at the library the next morning, enjoying how quiet campus is on a Saturday. You’re trying to focus on a discussion board you need to respond in, but your mind is elsewhere.

You can’t believe you agreed to Rafe’s idea. But you don’t regret it. He may be a jerk through and through, but he’s surprisingly a really good listener in bed.

You’re pretty sure he gave you the best orgasm you’ve ever had with someone. While it was an awkward challenge guiding him, you realized how liberating it was getting exactly what you wanted instead of quietly hoping the guy you were with knew what to do.

Your phone buzzes and lights up with a text. It’s 9:44 am and the notification is from Rafe.

Rafe: if you ever want practice sucking dick let me know

You flush and instinctually look around to make sure nobody in the barren library can see your screen. You reply: good morning to you too.

You take a second and send another message. The thought of going down on him rouses you. And, of course, the feedback will be helpful.

You: might take you up on that

Rafe: might?

You: might :)

Rafe is lying in bed, nursing a minor hangover. When he thinks about what happened on the other side of the wall in your room last night, he gets turned on all over again.

Feeling you cum around his fingers was fucking amazing. Knowing he did that to you, made you shake like that, was like an achievement. And he wants to keep doing it.

He texts you: we’re having a party on the beach today. bring friends

Rafe’s brand new to the frat, but he has already learned how important it is to invite as many people as he can to events. And if he’s being honest, he really wants to see you again.

You: only if you dont hit on them. i cant subject them to that

He feels his lips quirk up in a smile. When you don’t have a stick up your ass, you’re actually kind of entertaining.

Rafe: wtf why

You: you’re a fuckboy

Rafe: nahh you said i was amazing

You: i said the sex was amazing. and thats only because i told you what to do

Rafe: you can’t take all the credit

You: watch me

Rafe: you’re annoying

You: YOU’RE annoying

You: send me the address and time for the party

He quickly sends you the details.

This is the best idea he’s ever had. No strings attached sex with a hot girl who has zero interest in a relationship and can be brutally honest with him. He gets to fuck and improve his skills. It’s a dream.

Later that afternoon, Rafe watches the setting sun as he hangs out with a couple of his frat brothers in the sand. The party’s slowly starting to fill up, conversations growing in volume over the sound of the waves crashing on the shore.

“We don’t host a lot of parties here,” Blake continues to explain to Rafe.

Blake’s a sophomore legacy and Rafe has slowly realized that he sort of looks up to him. He’s involved in the frat and seems to know everybody.

“It’s ‘cause it’s impossible to get people to pay cover, so we don’t even ask for it,” Blake says.

“No door to do it at,” Sam, another sophomore adds with a laugh. Blake looks back and shakes his head.

“Fun police is here,” he hollers. Rafe turns to see pacing towards the keg next to the same girl he saw you with last night.

His pulse quickens as he takes you in. Your shorts are barely covering anything. Damn.

You glare at Blake as you pick up a red solo cup.

“Kidding,” Blake says. “We were kinda being assholes the other night, weren’t we?”

Your lips twist into a small smile. Rafe isn’t sure why, but he doesn’t like you looking at Blake like that.

He didn’t mention to anyone that you two hooked up last night. No particular reason - it just didn’t come up. But clearly, he’ll have to fill the guys in later. They need to know you’re off limits.

“Thanks for admitting it,” you say, filling up your cup. “Why can’t you be my neighbor?”

You look over at Rafe, whose jaw is clenched. Him and that temper. Admittedly, you’re already kind of sexually frustrated over how good he looks in his tank top, his big biceps exposed.

“Life’s unfair,” Blake replies with a bigger grin. You return it. It makes Rafe’s blood run hot.

“I guess it is,” you say as your friend finishes filling up her cup.

You walk away and Rafe realizes he didn’t exchange a single word with you. The second you’re out of earshot, he leans towards his buddies.

“I’m hooking up with her,” he tells them.

“Your neighbor?” Sam laughs. “Cap. That chick hates you.”

Rafe almost tells him not to call you a chick because of your advice last night. Wow. He really is learning from you.

“Didn’t hate me last night.” He takes a sip of his beer.

“Wait, for real?” Blake asks.

“Yeah.” Rafe loves the confidence high he’s riding right now.

“How was it?” Blake asks.

Rafe decides to lie. Painting it as a boring experience will make his buddies lose any interest they might have in you.

“Fine,” he says casually. Yeah, right. It was incredible.

Rafe watches Blake turn, surely to check you out.

“She’s cute,” Blake mumbles.

“Bro code, man,” Sam says, slapping his friend’s chest. Rafe is kind of relieved he said that.

“Shit, my bad,” Blake says with a chuckle, looking at Rafe. “You like her?”

“Oh - no,” Rafe laughs. “No.”

“Then you wouldn’t mind if I talked to her, right?” Blake says it as more of a statement than a question.

Rafe realizes he shouldn’t care. This whole arrangement is so both of you can get better at sex with other people. He doesn’t know what got into him thinking you owed him loyalty. His impulse to be possessive serves no purpose here.

“Go for it,” Rafe says.

Dusk falls as you stand in a crowd with Liv, your feet sunken into the sand as you drink and chat.

You told her about your arrangement with Rafe and were surprised to hear how jealous she was, mentioning how rare it is to find a guy who cares about giving his girl an orgasm.

You had to clarify to her it’s because Rafe’s ego needs all the stroking it can get, especially in the bedroom. And that you are not his girl.

You know it’s a crazy situation to be in with someone, but it’s worth it. You’ll learn what you can from him, and he’ll do the same with you, and then you’ll use what you picked up with people you actually like.

As the night goes on, the crowd gets bigger and closer together. It’s dark at this point, the moon covered with clouds.

Rafe’s been looking at you all night, at your bare legs, thinking about how he had his mouth between them last night.

You feel your phone buzz in your back pocket. When you pull it out, you see a text from Rafe: you ever fucked in a car? or are you too scared lol

You look up to meet his gaze from eight feet away at most, shaking your head in incredulity as he smirks at you.

The abruptness of his message, the promise of doing something so outside your comfort zone, is thrilling. But still, you just have to mess with him.

You reply: too scared :( no thanks

You laugh at the way Rafe’s face contorts at his phone. He looks up at you.

You text again: jk let’s go

He flashes his middle finger to you and you return the gesture. He then cocks his head behind him to signal you to follow.

“Tip for you,” you say when you approach him, walking away from the crowd together. “Don’t flip off a girl you’re trying to fuck.”

“Is that not good foreplay?” Rafe asks with a smirk.

“Aw, did I teach you that word?” you say.

“I knew it before.”

“Sure,” you say. “Just like you knew that girls fake it.”

“You’re annoying,” he groans, amusement in his tone.

“You’re annoying” you say, echoing your text conversation from earlier. You playfully shove his shoulder. He hardly budges.

You approach the parking lot and Rafe pulls out keys to remotely unlock his car.

“Get in,” he says, stopping in front of a large black SUV and opening the right backseat door. You notice the luxury brand immediately.

“This is your car?”

“Got a motorcycle, too,” he replies smugly.

“It makes so much sense now.”

“What?”

“You’re rich,” you realize. Rafe shrugs in such a pompous way.

“And?”

“That’s why you’re so…” you begin. What’s the right word? Entitled? Arrogant? Shameless? “You.”

Rafe scoffs at you, unsure of how to take the comment and unsure if he should even care as you settle in his car. He ambles in behind you, settling on the leather seat and shutting the door.

You don’t feel shy to initiate like you did last night. You straddle him, immediately locking lips, feeling him freeze in what you think is surprise before his hands drag over your hips.

Rafe really wants to grab your ass but he remembers you telling him he shouldn’t jump right to groping.

He tastes like beer and he smells like cologne as you deepen the kiss, weaving your lips together. He dips his tongue into your mouth and your noses nudge together, wet lips smacking in his dark, quiet car.

He shuffles under you, the leather squeaking, allowing you to feel his hard-on between your legs, his hands finally wandering over your ass and gripping hard. Lust burns in your stomach.

Your mind drifts back to what he texted you this morning. You’ve been thinking about it all day. You sit back, unable to see much of Rafe in the darkness, but enough to see that his eyes are half-closed, drunk off the feeling.

“I wanna practice…” you say, stroking him over his shorts. “You know.”

“Say it,” Rafe coaches, his dimples caving into his cheeks. You roll your eyes. Right. This is why you’re doing this. To stop being so reserved.

“Sucking dick,” you finally say. Hearing and watching you as your words spill out of your mouth makes his skin prickle with excitement.

“My turn to teach you, huh?” Rafe’s voice is deep and husky, dripping with desire. You nod, your bottom lip trapped beneath your teeth as you continue to stroke him.

“Should I keep doing this?” you ask, palming him.

“You got it, baby,” he rasps lazily. “Touch it before you put it in your mouth.”

“Fuck,” you half-chuckle. Rafe smirks. He knows you love his dirty talk.

“You can talk, too,” he encourages. “Try it.”

You twist your lips in apprehension, but push yourself past your comfort zone.

“I’ve been thinking about doing this all day,” you admit, goosebumps blooming across your skin. “About how your cock is gonna feel down my throat.”

“Goddamn,” he groans, his hands gripping your ass tighter. How’d he get so lucky to be here right now? “That’s good.”

“Yeah?” you whisper, gratified. You unbutton his shorts and pull down his zipper.

“You liked the way it felt inside you last night, didn’t you?” he asks. He shifts to give you the space to pull down his shorts and boxers.

You watch him shut his eyes in pleasure as you wrap your bare hand around him, no fabric in the way anymore.

“I loved it,” you whisper, giving into the impulse to kiss him again. When your thumb rubs over the bead of warm precum on the head of his cock, he bites your bottom lip.

You move to position your head at his groin, your knees on the carpeted floor of his car. You lean forward, slowly putting your lips around the tip, feeling just how wet your panties are when you taste him.

“Shit,” he shudders. You slightly raise your head to dribble spit onto his thick cock, bringing your hand up to rub the moisture over his length.

“Sit up,” Rafe says. “I wanna watch you spit on it again.”

You straighten and the sight of your line of saliva dropping from your mouth to his dick makes Rafe feel like he might go crazy.

His cock is slick now, your hand sliding up and down it easily.

“Should I use both hands?” you ask.

“Yeah,” he huffs. You nod, both your palms rubbing over his girth, cupping and twisting.

He’s about to tell you to start using your mouth, but you drop a hand, leaving the other at his base, and take him in.

Your hot, wet mouth feels unbelievable. You start to suck and slide over him nicely, leaning up and down.

“Squeeze harder,” he instructs, and you nod with his cock still in your mouth, your hold stiffening at his base. You’d assume gripping this tight would hurt, but this is why you’re doing this with him. To learn.

You take a little more of him with every dip of your head, lips locked as spit dribbles down your chin. The sound of your slurping is fucking amazing to him. Your tongue twists and curls as you move.

“Keep using your tongue like that,” Rafe says to you, his words whispered and rushed. “And take as much of my cock as you can. Try to take all of it.”

You nod again, pushing down, gagging but reaching all of him, your nose touching his toned stomach.

“Fuck, yes,” he moans. “Good fucking girl.”

The praise makes you stir with enticement as you pull back, then take all of his length again, flicking your tongue.

“Just like that,” Rafe grunts, his voice hoarse. “Look at me.”

You meet his eyes in the shadowed car, his chest heaving. Rafe might just lose his mind at the way you look with your mouth stuffed with his cock. He reminds himself this is supposed to be instructional.

“Guys love this shit, okay?” he says. “When you look up like that.”

You pull back, making him watch his cock slowly get uncovered as you pop off of him.

“Is it wet enough?” you ask.

“Yeah, baby, you’re doing a good job,” he replies. You nod and sink onto him again, starting to move faster, moving your hand in sync with your mouth.

“Hold my balls,” he tells you. “Not too tight.”

You obey, cupping the soft flesh with one hand while the other remains wrapped around his cock. You squeeze gently, massaging his balls and earning a deep groan from him.

Wow. You really are learning a lot from him.

Rafe feels his stomach tighten. He’s close.

“You gonna swallow?” he asks.

“Yeah,” you say, muffled and vibrating over his cock. You never have before, but you really want to impress Rafe and do this right.

He starts to shake, his voice reduced to a whimper. You feel him get even harder, then shudder.

His hot cum hits the back of your throat in one hard splash, trailed by short spurts. He moans his way through his orgasm, his load heavy.

You take it all, making him smile as he looks down at you, panting.

“That was… fuck…” Rafe huffs, titling his head back, his jawline sharp.

It’s pretty gratifying seeing such a big, loud, arrogant man reduced to this tired, heaving mess. He rakes a hand through his hair as you shift to sit next to him.

“A-plus?” you ask. You’re expecting him to tease you but he nods.

“Fuck yeah,” he laughs. “Give me a few minutes. I want you to show me how to make you cum on my dick.”

Nerves suddenly bubble in your stomach. Even after what you just did, the thought of fucking him in here makes you feel on edge.

“Let’s do that another night,” you say, adjusting your top.

“What? Why?” he asks. He looks at you, lips still parted as he breathes heavily.

“We could get caught.”

“The windows are tinted,” Rafe tells you. “Nobody knows we’re even in here.”

You look away, which by now, he has learned means you’re embarrassed.

“Holy shit, why do you get so nervous all of a sudden?” he laughs. “Do you feel bad for liking sex or something?”

You swallow hard. You never thought about it but... maybe he’s right. There always is a little bit of shame attached to every hook-up you have.

He called you out on your lack of confidence last night. Here he is, doing it again.

Rafe doesn’t understand how a girl can be so sure of herself one minute, then ashamed the next.

“Relax,” he says. “Don’t think. Just answer, understand?”

“Okay,” you say.

“Do you want to fuck?”

You nod.

“Say it.”

“Yeah, I do,” you relent.

“Then take your clothes off.”

(part three)

if you want notifications on when i post my fics, follow @xorafe-library and turn on notifications 💘

[feraltvman]

Good to have you back, Puzzles. I mean that.

You might be a bit of a mess… but we do care about you. Làcheria’s been very meticulous trying to keep you safe. And… well. You heard the reasoning behind the single one star rating you got. Only fair you get the reasoning for some of the 5 star ratings too:

I’ve seen your shows. You’re a legitimately talented entertainer, and I wish I could have discovered you sooner. I feel bad I wasn’t there to give you your deserved 5 stars back then. Granted, the choice to kidnap and brainwash people instead of simply holding auditions was strange, but the shows themselves were really good. You were a very charming host.

And it’s hard not to admire the ambition, the refusal to give up. Even if you take things too far sometimes, your sheer perseverance and resilience is admirable.

I want you to succeed. I want you to be happy. You and Cheri both. I know you don’t like affection, but I’d love to give you a hug (this is why my plush of you is so important to me).

You’ve survived so much and it’s so impressive. You’re strong. You’ll make it through

Long Post ahead!

GOOOOODNESSSSS THATS SUCH A HEARTFELT AND LOVING MESSAGE FOR HIM GWAAAA GWAAAAAAAAA!!! I LOVE EVERY BIT OF IT!!!

........

😅unfortunately,,,,,,,,

" tch! But of course I'm entertaining~ That's obvious... As I've said before it's just this PLANET- that is causing the problem!!! I make high quality shows to put a smile on peoples faces but nobody HERE cares because my content doesn't have goddamn MEMES EVERY BLOODY SECOND "

" you all... From... Who knows where... My past audience from another plane as well... You all understand my creative vision to an extent... I mean hell... Look at me! I'm turning into something so much M O R E because of you all..... Humm..... Hmm~ how stupid... I hate owing you all a favour... BUT a good host has to please his audience~! We'll chat more about THAT after I wake up again "

" don't expect your prize to last forever... But... It'll come.............. Tch ............. *grumble* ........... "

" G O D- I CANT EVEN ENJOY TALKING ABOUT MYSELF!!!!!! WHY CAN'T YOU LISTEN??? Do my words go in one ear and out the other with you lot??? Tell me about how rightfully awesome I am to try and get me to open up--- Do you think I'm a JOKE????!?? "

" This 'HELP' you gave me is a ONE TIME THING I'm not opening my heart to you all just to have it crushed all over again by the false security of company who actually LIKES ME BECAUSE CLEARLY ITS ALL A GODDAMN

L I E "

" oh wait ...... Isn't that RICH~ you do listen and acknowledge the fact that I couldn't give less of a damn of just how much you "Love" me!! YOU JUST DON'T CARE!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! "

" what a fucking joke ..... A joke you want to make ME the butt of and that's never happening again..... You'd do well to shut up and wait for your prize to come, all this fake sentiment is frankly just pissing me off and I don't want to feel that pain again "

Unfortunately hes not a fan- 😔

[runner5ive]

Hello hello hello I LOVE your art it is so gorgeous and constantly in my queue. Your Five is adorable and I love them. And I have questions for them!

Do they have a daily routine? What’s it like?

What traits do you and Five share?

Which ones are purely Fives?

What color(s) do they wear the most?

When’s their birthday? How do they celebrate it?

What’s their ‘default’ state?

Do they have a survival mode they put on? Or are they think about that kind of stuff all the time? If they ‘put on’ a survival mode, what sets that off? 

Favorite place to be?

Do they have a pre and post run routine? What’s that like?

What do other characters associate them with and why?

How would they describe themselves? Whether it’s true or not.

Which characters are they really close to and why?

How would these characters describe them and why? Whether it’s true or not

What’s a precious object they have? Why is it special?

Who will they take advice from, no matter what it is? Who won’t they take advice from, no matter what it is?

Hello! Apologies about the wait! I cant even form the words to explain how intense work has been recently lmao.

Long post is long! So I answered everything under the cut below!

Do they have a daily routine?

Uhhh yes? But its mainly the runners routine. Get up early - earlier than most in Abel. Breakfast. Pick up running rota from Sam. Depending on when theyre needed they either spend the day running or fixing up Abel/dealing with repairs/training in the runners areas. Then the evenings are mostly to themselves, but they tend to help Janine out a lot and have an early night.

What traits do you and Five share? Which ones are purely Fives?

Oh my gosh I have no idea? Five isn’t a self-insert so they differ from me in lots of ways. Uhhh. I asked a few friends for their opinion on this and they they said the following:

I would also add that we’d both walk into a horde of zombs for a coffee

What color(s) do they wear the most?

Honestly? Probably a dark red. Mostly because I headcanon that Abel’s uniform is any red/maroon shirt they can find.

When’s their birthday?

Nobody knows (: They’re rather forget everything about their life before the apocalypse and do not want to reveal anything that can trace them back to the person they once were. Sam figures it out of course (but he’ll take that information to the grave)

How do they celebrate it?

They dont (: although their friends throw them an annual ‘adoption day’ party, to celebrate the day they joined Abel

What’s their ‘default’ state?

They’re actually quite quiet (I mean, theyre mute, but you know). They’re a bit of a wall flower. They like to listen, which is what makes they a perfect match for Sam, who likes to talk.

Do they have a survival mode they put on? Or are they think about that kind of stuff all the time?

Childhood trauma means theyre always in survival mode :D Although they can relax more nowadays thanks to feeling safe with their pals.

If they ‘put on’ a survival mode, what sets that off? 

New people, or people of authority. They are very affectionate in general, but people tend to have to prove themselves to them. They find it easier to trust new people as the seasons go on.

Favorite place to be?

Janine’s farmhouse

Do they have a pre and post run routine? What’s that like?

Theyre quite good at being mindful of warm ups/cool-downs and stretching. Other than the things expected of them, such as a decontamination shower, the only real post run routine is that they never really say goodbye to Sam before a run, and he doesnt say bye either. Feels too much like inviting bad luck to do so.

What do other characters associate them with and why?

Sunshine and big smiles. Sunflowers. But also like... Garbage lmao.

How would they describe themselves? Whether it’s true or not.

Expendable (:

Which characters are they really close to and why?

They’re closest with Sam, as the two of them tend to understand each other better than anyone else in Abel. But Simon is a close second. Simon and Five have a ride together or die together kinda friendship. I cant remember specific episodes, but there are specific moments where everyone is like ‘lets throw Five into this severely dangerous situation because they are Runner Five and theyre most likely be okay’ and he is like ‘???? Lets not ???? That’s ??? Actually fucked up???’ He’s the easiest for them to be goofy with too.

How would these characters describe them and why? Whether it’s true or not

Brave to the point of idiocy. Self-sabotaging. Goofy and silly. Loyal. Dependable. Tragic.

What’s a precious object they have? Why is it special?

They arrive at Abel with nothing except the mullin’s uniform (which gets burnt they decide theyre not going back) so they dont really have anything from the before. Most objects are like massive spoilers so imma not mention them. But the thing they cherish more than anything - which is not really an object - is when they get their own room. Theyve never really had a proper home before.

Who will they take advice from, no matter what it is?

Janine. Janine says jump they dont even ask how high before theyre launching themself off a burning building!

Who won’t they take advice from, no matter what it is?

At first I was going to say there isn’t really anyone they wouldnt hear out, but then I remembered a fic I’ll never actually write and my answer to this is their biological parents who are alive and well during the apocalypse (:

[compassionatereminders]

hi this is just a vent because i cant stop feeling bad about certain things its pretty disjointed. feel free to ignore. thank you for the space for this and the patience and kindness you consistently show. it feels isolating in disabled communities sometimes as someone who was medically neglected and falls into the margins of certain diagnoses and is still undiagnosed for autism and never received any official help, it was all off the books type stuff or i simply suffered/failed in silence. i feel like im not "anything" enough to be real or deserve help or community. that my existence is disrespectful or appropriative of the people who have more "real" experiences that should be listened to and lifted up more than me. that i got the "disability lite" experience somehow and would be misleading others if i claimed to be similar to them. "who needs more of some probably low support needs person ranting about their hurt little feelings, dont we have enough?" < evil thing my brain likes to tell me. i dont actually know what my support needs are its all very confusing and apparently only something a doctor can tell you. but i see people say that LSN level 1 autistics are always speaking over people and taking up too much space, and i get paranoid, am i doing that?! is that me? of course feeling this way just makes me more guilty. nobody has it easy, and you cant compare experiences. i know this. but i still feel like im not allowed. im taking something away from people who need it more. its not rational but im consumed by it at times. i had the difficulties of others used to guilt me into doing things as a child and to explain why i should be able to do something. have been dismissed by caregivers and doctors when i finally got brave enough and learned the right language to bring something up. so i just gave up. if i really needed it that badly, if it really was that disabling, someone would have noticed right? people like that dont just fall through the cracks do they? it's prevented me from seeking out local resources like day programs because they have waitlists, though they dont require diagnosis. all i can think is that im some ungrateful low support person whose taking something from someone who needs it more. and thats a horrible thought to have about myself or anyone and not a real thing that even happens. even a word to describe my experience feels like its asking for too much. i haven't even sought out SSI. even though ive never finished school or went to college, had a job, cant drive cant work, and only get by because i have very nice people in my life supporting me financially. i know how long it takes (im usa) to get on SSI. and how likely it is to get denied even with all the qualifiers above. how invasive and invalidating it is. dont know if i can take that process. but i also need more independence and help than im getting right now, because my issues are worsening as i age and i just cant do things or really live life. but it all feels like its not enough, even though i know theres nothing that WOULD ever be enough. thanks for listening.

This is internalized ableism in action. 1. All kinds of people fall through the cracks of the system. All kinds of people, with all kinds of disabilities, of all kinds of severities. 2. The idea that only the most impaired people deserve support and accommodations is far more harmful to ALL disabled people than the alternative. Disability is not a competition, and turning it into one hurts everyone. 2. Having low support needs doesn't equal having no support needs. And you clearly do have support needs that you deserve to have accommodated.

[bucketspammer4life]

☆ WVBA At A Party ☆

So uhh tw for alcohol mention,emetophobia other than that its ok

Glass Joe

- doing his best not to get thrown into a dance circle

- anxious as fuck

- piston hondo (drunk as shit) keep trying to explain star wars lore to him

- hes just nodding and pretending to understand, he cant because hes speaking in japanese

- had some drinks & passed out because he doesnt take alcohol well

- woke up on the roof because some drunk bastard decided to put him onto there, theres now a investigation about trying to find who put Joe on the roof

- will hold your drink for you

- keeps getting dragged into doing dumb shit by aran ryan

Von Kaiser

- buzzed, looks like hes on the verge of death

- at the karaoke bar, killing it, yess grandpa slayyyy one foot in the grave one foot in the rave

- keeps chugging like hell, look at him go

- teaching some random people how to do traditional german dances

- randomly starts sobbing

- bear hugger has to stop him from chugging another bottle of whiskey

Disco Kid

- thrown into the dance circle, killing it

- spamming everyones phones with really positive texts

- "YUO AR TAKENTED SNF CAN DK SNYTHING YKU PUT YOU4 NINF UBTO" (You are really talented and can do anything you put your mind into)

-"thank you : )"

- "YOU SRE LIVEF ANR 4SKEBT2D,,,,ÖOCE YOURDRKF" (You are loved, love yourself)

- wasted

- giving out free hugs

- had a really good dance off with aran ryan

- fell down a flight of stairs and got up like it was nothing

- dancing the pain away

Piston Hondo

- avoiding the dance circle like its a death sentence

- explaining the star wars lore to glass joe in japanese

- will hate himself in the morning

- speaking really broken japanglish with bear hugger

- keeps lifting up von kaiser & running away as he holds him

- partying hard

- randomly starts speaking about stuff, you could be talking about how you ran over a man and his son just yesterday and he'll be like "Do you like sailor moon"

- tried to eat a glass of water, sad because he got stopped

- randomly got stuck in a british accent

King Hippo

- passed out on the floor

- someone help him please

- people keep trying to use him as a trampoline

- randomly gets up and starts to talk about sea slugs

- he just leaves after that,he is done

Great Tiger

- only sober person here

- has to stop piston hondo from explaining the star wars lore to random people

- making sure everyone is hydrated

- victim of disco kids positive texts

- gathers drunk passed out people and puts them somewhere safe so nobody gets hurt

- oh my god he is on the verge of tears from all this stress he needs help

- ended up sobbing into disco kids arms after it all got too stressful

- he could really use a break

- will hold your drink,may switch it out with water if he decides youve had enough for tonight

Don Flamenco

- too distracted too go to the dance circle

- keeps singing & referencing dumb stuff while anyone talks to him, he just has 0 thoughts right now

- "i feel like im never gonna amount to anything in my life, it just feels like im destined to end up dying alone-"

- "FIESTA SALSA QUİNCEAÑERA-"

- "why do i even bother"

- drinking cocktails like someones gonna take it away from him if he doesnt inhale it within 10 seconds

- keeps trying to call carmen

- stumbling like hell

- someone needs to tape his mouth shut

- asking the dumbest shit ever to carmen as he texts her

- "would you still love me if i was a muppet,,"

- "would you still be able to control yourself or would you need to be used like a actual muppet??"

- "i dont knwo im durnk"

Bear Hugger

- will not go into the dance circle, ever

- singing sea shanties & suddenly has the personality of a ye olden sailor

- someone convinced him to wax his legs

- confused as shit when he wakes up in the morning

- listening to hondo infodump about sailor moon, intrigued

- will laugh at anything, laughed at Macho mans left eyebrow for a solid 40 minutes

- passed out for a hour after that

- brought a random frog from the nearest pond & named it Buddy, buddy was never seen again after someone threw him out of a window

- ate candle wax, he just did, he somehow stomached it

- sober yet wasted, tapdancing on that line between mentally not present & aware

Aran Ryan

- drunk but has a camera, recording whatever happens

- "guys... this little pocket sized eejit is stuck on the roof... what the fuck.. get him off of there"

- will do anything you dare him to do, got dared to throw someones TV out of the window, the rest is history

- eated a bees

- chased piston hondo with a chair, you havent known true fear until a irishman with a camera & chair is chasing you while yelling like a psychopath while youre talking about star wars lore

- called glass joe "Glasses Jonathan"

- mourned the loss of buddy with bear hugger

- on his hater routine, texting back discos positive messages with mean messages

Soda Popinski

- sober, enjoying the show

- in the dance circle, busting it down

- dehydrated because theres no soda :(

- trying to convince aran ryan to eat a pair of headphones

- gives out water to anyone who appears drunk & asks for a drink telling them its "strong stuff" Just to see them smile & hydrate themselves

- enjoying the karaoke

- also mourning the loss of buddy, thought he was really cool

Bald Bull

- scared of the dance circle

- drunk but his social anxiety is still acting up

- mom i threw up pose when he zones out & stares into the void

- standing in the corner or clinging onto don flamenco because he cant manage crowds well

- getting second hand embarrasment from don flamencos singing

- people keep using the top of his head as a mirror

- clinging onto the nearest extroverts he knows well

- "what if everyone thinks i look like a complete idiot standing in the corner"

- Just really anxious & stressed, he doesnt manage social events well

- needs some silence

Super Macho Man

- thinks hes a good dancer, looks like hes having a stroke, dancing is not for him, especially drunk dancing

- people keep calling him grandpa

- sobbing over any minor event that effects him even slightly negatively

- sobbed over the loss of buddy

- crying over everything

- sobbing on the bathroom floor because he threw up so hard he felt like his soul left him

- hes literally just crying

- tried to do karaoke through his tears, couldnt sing the tears away

Mr Sandman

- pushed into the dance circle, accidentally made a conga line, who knew a conga line full of drunk men could be so fun?

- watching aran ryan eat weird shit & cheering him on because he thinks its funny

- bald bull tried to make a "man me a sand" joke to him, ended up looking like he was having a seizure

- "Mr sandman.. Sand.. The man?.. Sand man.. Uhhh, man him a sand-"

- "bull please lay down"

- enjoying bear huggers sea shanties

- trying to get glass joe off the roof

- fell asleep using a freezer as a pillow

Extra

- narcis showed up to tell everyone that theyre losers & left

- doc louis left early with mac as soon as the alcohol drinking started

[fuck-you-upmusicbracket]

No One Is Alone (Into the Woods)

Hard to see the light now/Just don't let it go/Things will come out right now/We can make it so/Someone is on your side/No one is alone

People make mistakes/Holding to their own/Thinking they're alone/Honor their mistakes/Fight for their mistakes/Everybody makes/One another's terrible mistakes

"The idea that life is incredibly confusing, that it's hard to figure out who you can trust, to decide what's important to you and how to make those things real, but you don't have to do it by yourself. You're going to lose people, and sometimes you might even lose yourself, and sometimes your actions will have unintended consequences, but even in the midst of all that, no one is so hopeless that it's impossible for them to ever make a true human connection. Everything feels terrible and insurmountable, and it feels like nobody cares, but somebody does-somebody always will. No matter what happens, you have support. Somebody will be rooting for you and will be there to help you figure everything out and to love you. Genuinely every single time I try to sing this song I start crying, hell, I'm crying right now as I'm typing this."

"I listen to this song when I feel hopeless and alienated. And it has made me cry more than once."

The Mind Electric (ミラクルミュージカル Miracle Musical)

See how the serfs work the ground (See how they fall)/And they give it all they've got/And they give it all they've got/And you give it all you've got 'til your down/See how the brain plays around/And you fall inside a hole you couldn't see/And you fall inside a hole inside a-/Someone help me

Understand what’s going on inside my mind/Doctor, I can’t tell if I’m not me

Nuns commence incanting as the lightning strikes mine temples thus/Electrifying mine chambers wholly, scorching out thine sovereignty so/Spiralling down thy majesty, I beg of thee have mercy on me/I was just a boy, you see! I plead of thee, have sympathy for me!

"The lyrics just hit hard with all of the imagery and shit, being used alongside the song glitching and a 3 minute long sequence (an un-glitched version of the song) that plays backwards in full before the song begins, conjure up a very interesting view/idea/image of losing your sanity. Plus, the song has a really interesting history in terms of its creation."

"first listen: "damn its weird that this has itself backwards haha" second listen: ⚡️⚡️🧠SEE HOW THE BRAIN PLAYS AROUND🌩😈AND YOU FALL INSIDE A HOLE YOU COULDNT SEE☁️⚡️AND YOU FALL INSIDE A HOLE INSIDE A🤴🗣SOMEONE HELP ME⛈️🪐UNDERSTAND WHATS GOING ON INSIDE MY MIND🗣⚡️DOCTOR I CANT TELL IF IM NOT ME!!!🌩🌩☄️ anyway, there are actually 2 versions of this song !! since the first half of the song is the second half backwards, but one of the halves has a series of artistic glitches and repeats and skips! the "distorted version", which is what youll find on spotify, has the glitchy half played forwards, and the "nondistorted version", which is what the official channel posted on youtube, is reversed so the unglitched half plays forwards! its a remaster of a previous song Joe Hawley worked on as a member of Tally Hall called "Inside the Mind of Simon", and it has TONS of little easter eggs and details scattered throughout. distorted speech from old movies, clips from old songs, theres this part where chanting voices sing "axon, dendrite" and "help me" over and over which (imo) you really only hear if you know to look for them, theres an intricate synth arpeggio throughout the entire climax of the song that im in love with— its the source of the synth tune in the next song on the album, Labyrinth (the funny "i am the mouse" song)! i have yet to find a blorbo i cant picture to it but considering that my main oc's theme is madness, its her perfect chance to star. in conclusion, your honor, I love the mind electric."

"it's a story of a man getting sentenced to an asylum for a murder he didn't commit, and there he is subjected to electroshock therapy. the synth alone fucked me up the first time I heard it. not to mention the awesome lyrics and various styles throughout the song. oh also the first 3ish minutes of the song are in reverse. so there's that."

"Somehow I feel like it's the story of my life. Also, the first half of the song is the second half of the song played in reverse."

The Mind Electric submitted by @lesleyn +@omegasmileyface +@that-bi-fan + others

[ratherbefangirling]

DRABBLE: Betrayal

Part ◾1 🖤 2 🖤 3 ◾

Pairing : Jimin x reader

Genre: hurt/comfort, yandere(soft) not very obvious in this one

The music thrummed through the walls of the club.

You stood outside the bathroom waiting for one of your friends. Your other friends were either already seated or enjoying the themelves on the dance floor. It was your friends birthday and she had invited you to the party. They also planned to surprise ther other friend with a custom cake and gifts because they missed her birthday.

They didn't get one for mine. your brain cruelly supplies.

Instead Jimin came knocking at your door exactly twelve 'o' clock, with a boquet and a cake and balloons. If it were any other day you wouldn't let him inside your house. You would ask him where he got your address even if you knew finding things about you was just a piece of cake for him.

"Are you ok?" your friend Momo asks as she takes a look at your face.

"I am fine." you reply politely.

Lights kept flashing. Blue, Red, Green ; brightening the cave like atmosphere of the place. You take a seat. The menu is passed round so everyone can select what they want to order. After placing the order. Everyone decides to go to the roof for pictures. The roof is airy. The weather is cloudy but you put on your brightest smile... so that nobody notices. The waiter calls you as the food is served. You try eating but you can only pick on your meal. Which you really shouldn't considering you'd technically paid for it. The gifts and cake were pricey afterall.

The meal ends and the waiter brings the surprise cake. Sulli smiles brightlyy plesantly surprised and you cant help but envy her. Your friend Sora nudges you and you take out the hand made scrapbook you'd pulled an all nighter on.. even though it was supposed to be a group project. You wonder why you invest so much when you get barely anything in return.

"I'm sorry something came up."you tell your hosts."I had a lot of fun see you later."

"Should I drop you?" Sora asks since she was your ride.

"I'll manage." You reply

Staying any longer felt unbearable.You sit on the stairs at the entrance of the club. Removing your high heels from your aching feet, you didnt know what possessed you to wear them.

Drops fell one by one, then all at once.

You clench your fist. Your nails pressing painfully on your palms.

You take out your phone to check the time and book a cab. You are ready to throw your phone when it reads unavailable.

You wonder if the buses will work.

You make a run to the nearest bus stop. You sit at the bus stop drenched. Even more uncomfortable than before.

You tug your jacket closer feeling uncomfortable at the men staring at you unashamed. Their smoking makes you nauseous for some reason.

You look to check the time again.

Your phone rings and you almost drop it.

"Hello." You say answering the call.

"Hi angel. I didn't think you'd answer my call."

"Mmh... what do you want?" Your voice is but a whimper for some reason.

"Can't I say I miss you?"

"You're my boss Jimin."

"So if I wasn't would you give me a chance." He questions.

"I dont know." There is silence on the line. "Actually I was just thinking about you... I uh.."

"I'm listening angel you have all my attention."

"It's Nothing." You say before you sneeze.

"Hmm I couldn't hear you doll are you outside?"

"Yes ... it was a birthday.. one of my friends had invited us."

"Do you need a ride home?" He asks.

"No its fine. I dont even know why I'm talking to my boss on the weekend."

"Come on I'll drop you. You're alone right.. Its dangerous for such a beautiful girl to be out. Send me your location now I'll be there."

You couldn't help but feel flattered. That Jimin would drop whatever he was doing for you at a moments notice. It was insane. The stark contrast of people in your life. On one hand were your friends and then there was Jimin.

You sighed. You were too tired to think. And cold. Anything seemed better than the pathetic state you were in.

As his sleek car rolls up you realise how much of a mess you were. You were surely dripping and probably ruined your makeup and hair.

The cars honk makes you get up.

The window rolls down revealing Jimin.

"I'm wet. I'll dirty it." You tell him.

"It's fine come in." He says urging you inside.

You sit and put the seat belt on when he hands you a towel.

"How?" You question without realising.

"I was shopping for home essentials for my guest room."

"Oh."You say grateful to the universe.

Jimin turns on the heater.

You open the mirror on the passenger seat to find luckily you don't look too bad.

The car ride is silent. Gentle music playing in the background so it's not awkward and before you realise it you fell asleep.

Jimin gently rouses you.

"Y/n. Angel. We're here."

You sneeze in response and are rewarded with Jimins sonorous laughter.

"Where are we?" You ask confused.

"Outside my apartment. It was closer. If you stay damp any longer you'll catch a cold. And we can't have that can we?"

Before you can answer he's dragging you along.

The building is luxurious to say the least. It looks straight out of a magazine. He leads you to the lift and up you go. The glass lift gives the night view and you can't help but admire it.

The lift opens into a hallway. Jimin unlocks his door with the press of a thumb.

The apartment is like the rest of the building sparkling and shiny.

Jimin pulls out some home slippers for you.

"Why don't you take a shower? I have some clothes that might fit."

You nod the bathroom is so clean that you're afraid to dirty it but you notice a yellow chick towel and it's a bit out of place but it makes you feel comfortable.

The jet spray is so good along with the perfect temperature of water that you never want to get out, but you're feet are aching.

So you get out and dry your hair and wear the soft cotton pajama set Jimin gave you.

As you near the drawing room you can hear sounds in the kitchen.

"Jimin.." you call.

"Here." He replies. His hair is wet too. He looks soft like a boba ball.

"Take a seat. It's almost ready. I thought it would be nice to have a snack."

You take a look around his house and soft a round sofa bed with fluffy pillows and you decide you want to try it.

You sit on it and wrap the sofa rug around yourself and stare outside. The view is spectacular with the glass walls. You wonder if you'd be able to have something like this if you want to.

Jimin brings two glasses of mojito and a plate of fried rice and dumplings to share.

"Dig in."

"Thank you for the meal." You say before eating a dumpling and it's perfect.

"You're a good cook."

You take a sip of the mojito and the fresh mint leaves make it refreshing.

"Do you want to watch something?" Jimin asks.

You shrug busy with your meal and he feels the urge to shuffle your hair.

He puts on a movie he's sure you like.

"Have you seen this?" You ask.

"Yes, it's one my favourites." He replies.

And maybe it's something about the night, that all your doors are open rather than closed.

What's one more betrayal after all.

Taglist : @mintsugarmy , @exfolitae

[ultimateloserboy]

SONIC PRIME RAMBLES!!!!

SPOILERS FOR SEASON TWO AHEAD!!!

(sorry if the screenshots are a bit mushy i was taking them quick)

firstly of course id like to mention these two. i love how when sonic is playing around and talking to himself, shadow just nods along. he didnt tell sonic to shut the fuck up, he just waited until he got his zoomies out. he even slightly participated! i just love how when shadow is cooled down a bit he’s actually pretty used to sonic and doesnt mind his silliness, it only makes him genuinely upset when it’s not the right time or place. and sure this also isnt the right time or place, but seeing as hes been blessed with literal gay magic i think shadow mightve given him a pass. that or shadow is never actually as pissed as he tries to be. which i also believe, because he plays around during fights. i think hes having fun too. hes just trying to ignore it in favor of the overall mission, which is completely fair and is kinda needed. without shadow sonic would have no fucking clue what to do hed just be running around spitting off cheesy one liners like an idiot, but without sonic shadow would be all alone with nobody but space rocks and his pissy attitude. sonic does provide shadow with fun, and everyone needs a little fun and positivity. sonic makes him happy and keeps him entertained but he’d never admit that. they balance each other out in such a nice way. they need each other in more ways than one in my opinion.

this leads me into my favorite thing about this show: sonic is not simply the hero. he’s not just saving the day and that’s that like he thinks. it’s much more complicated. lots of people he’s met seem to have clashing opinions or views of the world, and that’s not a bad thing! most of rouges variants want to just hand over the shard and get it over with, which wouldnt help in the long run but is A REASONABLE THING TO THINK!!! shadow was never malicious he was just pissed off and he’s RIGHT! hell, i dont even think nine is wrong either!!! hes never even seen the reality that sonic is wishing for! all of these people simply want to be happy but theyre from completely different worlds in a very VERY dangerous situation, of course theres going to be conflict amongst people who ARENT the villains! because the world doesn’t revolve around sonic and in situations like these its hard to find a middle ground between COUNTLESS AMOUNTS OF PEOPLE FROM ALL AROUND THE MULTIVERSE!! i think it perfectly demonstrates how all of these people arent bad people, they simply dont view things the way sonic does and thats ok. theyre all just scared and confused and in a life or death situation. well, except for dread. that motherfuckers just crazy.

i do think nine should. maybe chill 😭😭. but i think sonic shouldve at least talked with the kid a bit more about the overall goal cuz damn. i like the parallel between shadow saying “theyre not your real friends.” and nine saying hes real. because shadow was right in a sense. nine is NOT tails. he’s REAL, sure, but hes not the real TAILS. he isnt the real tails and hes not sonics friend just because sonic knows a version of him. that doesnt mean they cant BE friends but sonic being quick to assume that nine will end up like tails was just wrong on his part. sonic was quick to assume so many things about nine because of his relation to tails, and he shouldn’t have done that. he should’ve listened to shadow. it’s all “ooo shadows such a fuckin debby downer party pooping asshole” until the universe still isnt put together and THEN people consider that yeah maybe he was a little right. harsh, but right. literally if shadow was able to go into those portals i promise you this shit wouldve been over before we even got a season two. like genuinely i feel like they keep shadow in the void simply because they need to prolong the season. and i love the content dont get me wrong but please just let him go with sonic that motherfucker really does need a babysitter. i think we need BOTH of them in the actual shatterspaces. like i said, they balance each other out. if shadow was to go on his own i honestly think he wouldnt do too good either. hed just ignore everyone else and try to get things done quickly without needing help and sure he might get a little far but eventually hed need the help and he wouldnt have it. so i think sonic and shadow together should finally be allowed to do this shit fully together so that shadow can do what he has to do and sonic can go around making friends with multiverse people and saving them from robots on the side. its a win-win people!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!

i do like the fact that shadows speed is artificial so it isnt the same as sonics, or at least thats what i like to think. i know hes stuck in the void because of the chaos control he did (i think) and sonics speed might not be the only factor but i do think its interesting how they cant do the same things

but truly i think the only reason the writers are keeping them seperate is because they know damn well if they teamed up full time theyd start kissing eventually

[imjustsoscaredallthetime]

Going to be keeping it absolutely real on here as I always do when things get bad. I'm starting to think that it might not get better after all I can't lie. I'm just so sad and angry and mad and lonely all the time. I moved away from home two years ago and I can't hold on to any stable relationships and I'm basically all alone here and I feel like such an idiot for complaining about it because it's nobody's fault that I don't go anywhere and I am bad at talking to people or holding on to relationships. it's completely my fault and I know it's up to me to change it but I've never been good at making friends and that hasn't changed just because I'm not 16 or 11 or 5 years old anymore and I'm still not quite sure how to go about it.

It's been 2 years and Canada doesn't feel like a foreign place anymore .I know my way around and I know how to get stuff done and it has already set in that this is my life now and I guess this just means that my life now is just me by myself with everyone I know and love 1800 miles away.

And even then half the time it still feels like I don't have anyone because my sister hardly answers her phone and my other sister and I have literally only known each other for a month and I don't even know her middle name yet and my mom has got a new job and doesn't have time to call me like she used to and so I don't even feel like I have my mommy anymore and my best friend is already dealing with so much and I wish I could turn back time and bring her loved one back to life but I cant and I feel so empty thinking about how she must feel and I'm not comfortable with anybody else so other than those people.

I'm a year away from graduating with a degree in a field that I hate and I can't find any internships or working experience because everything is so experience based and I am so bad at all this stuff and my grades are so mediocre and I don't have anything that makes me stand out and at this point I'm worried that I won't even be good enough for grad school. When I find a part of this wretched degree that I actually like I cannot seem to do well in it despite the fact that I actually care enough to study and do work in it and it's just so demotivating. And even if I do somehow manage to get a job I'm never going to be able to afford a house and I want to have a house so bad I don't like renting I want to have a backyard and I want my own kitchen and I want to decorate my house the way I feel like when I feel like it but everything is so expensive and I hate my shitty customer service job because I hate talking to people and I don't want to stand for 6 hours and fake smile and listen to the same songs play over and over again for 6 hours anymore but I can't leave my job because no one else is hiring me.

And I have to keep pretending like everything is okay when every time I turn on my phone and go out to social media I see something else indicating that we are witnessing the decline of man as we know it and there's kids dying in so many places all over the world and people getting their homes destroyed and no matter how much I try and raise awareness and no matter how much money I give and how much I talk about it there's really nothing changing and I go outside and somebody asks me for spare change to buy a coffee so they don't freeze in the below zero weather and I wish I could put them in a house but I don't even have a house of my own. And I used to be able to look around and find even the beauty in the smallest things and to not think the worst of people and to give everyone the benefit of the doubt for the most part but now I can't help but wonder if this person thinks genocide and exploitation and mindless killing and destruction is a good thing. And I hardly see anybody talking about Sudan or Congo or Senegal or Haiti or Madagascar and it feels like african people are just always doomed to be pushed to the back burner even by black people in the diaspora and I try to be positive because if the people in those countries haven't given up hope why should I but sometimes I just get so sad.

And despite going to therapy and going on meds I still look in the mirror and hate myself and I remember that my problems are so paltry and poor compared to what's going on in the rest of the world and that I feel worse because it doesn't make me hate how I look or who I am less and the world just won't stop turning and we never get a break we just have to keep going until we die no matter how bad things get and it's not fair and I'm so tired I just need it all to stop for a second. Looking at my life feels like reading the bell jar knowing that sylvia plath wrote a book about a depressed woman and ended up killing herself. I feel doomed

[angelicyouth]

bro i just realized that most of my happinest comes from imagining myself in fictional scenarios with fictional characters because in the real world i dont really have anyone i feel i can truly trust, so really at this point one of my only sources of happiness is just being somewhat delusional thinking fictional people care about me when in reality i dont know if anyone will truly even care about me in that extent, i dont even think i could even love myself the way i want people to love me because i just see myself as a generally displeasing person to be around because im too much too bear or too confusing or too angry and people dont wanna put up with me and ive just been realizng that for the past months and it makes me wish i was someone else who could be better than whoever i am, i dont even know at this point who i really am and i wish i was better and funnier and not someone who is the embodiment of a dissapointment.i cant even bring myself to talk about my problems to people irl no matter how much id like to because im too scared to be a burden or just seem overexaggrerating so its eating me from the inside and i cant bring myself to be someone i want to be, all i do is just stay in my room all day because i dont have the energy to do anything anymore. thing that i used to like dont seem the same anymore and i just wanna be held by someone and to be told that its okay to not be okay but if someone actually did it would feel like just a big lie because i dont have that much of an excuse to not be okay so really im putting down other people's problems and looking for attention and i feel so guilty for even feeling this way but at the same time i dont wanna let go of these feelings because it feels like if i have them people will actually care about me and ill have someone by my side and if i dont feel sad then nobody would have any reason to pity me and nobody would really wanna hangout with me anymore and it feels so comflicting and it makes me wanna shut myself away from everyone and continue to pretend everything is okay even if nothing feels okay. i wish i was someone else, maybe then nothing like this would happen.

that one relatable moment where you have nobody 2 vent 2 so you vent as an anon 2 a random blog ran by the literal nicest person ever

-mango anon

mango bby :(

first of all—i’m proud of you for being honest with your feelings! i’m sure it took a lot of courage to come forward and to talk about this with someone else so please give yourself some self care in my place for taking that monumental step!

i know that it may not mean much if i say this because of how overused this line is but truly, don’t ever feel bad about what you’re feeling. always remember that the need for attention is normal and common to all humans. it’s not only limited to that but the need for comfort is also normal and common, the need for physical touch is normal, the need for validation, for acknowledgment, for a positive reaction to yourself, a need to express yourself, to talk about yourself, to voice your pain, to feel valued and important—it’s all normal and a part of just being a human being.

so please, don’t beat yourself up over having those. if you’re struggling with some of them particularly, it doesn’t mean you’re “needy”. anyone who doesn’t get those things would go to deprivation mode and end up craving them severely, eventually. those needs should be met at default and as your friend, i always want to ensure that i can readily provide those for you! so don’t feel ashamed for voicing those thoughts to me because i appreciate that you trust me enough to tell me as i genuinely want to help you. i know i may seem like a random blog run by someone you don’t know from the internet but that doesn’t mean my friendship for you is less valid. so please, if you ever need to talk to someone or just need me to listen then always remember that i’m here for you. because how else would i know what to help you with if it’s not said?

and i know that you feel delusional for seeking comfort from fictional characters but that’s simply not true. because personally, through my own writing, what these people say or do are essentially extensions of the authors who use them in their literature. so whenever craig and kenny talk to reader in youth, they’re not just baseless things that are said just cause for the plot. they’re actual words with real meaning and intent to whoever is reading their dialogue. so with that in mind, what they both have said is their words of affirmation and reassurance to you:

feelings aren’t illogical. they aren’t wrong nor are they here for no reason. they aren’t a failure of self control, they aren’t a burden, and they are not an inconvenience. emotions are generated from actual things that happened, they are normal reactions to things that actually happened!! if you feel sad, anxious, hurt, overwhelmed, mad, frustrated—even if it seems illogical, there’s a very good reason you feel this way. you aren’t supposed to control how you feel, you aren’t supposed to doubt your emotions. they are always just a reaction, they do not come from you!! they’re not your failure, feeling all this is normal and logical under unbearable circumstances of anything that’s happened.

i hope you will be kinder to yourself babe, you deserve it :< it makes me so, so upset when you can’t see how amazing you are in my eyes and i bet everyone else’s just because of some mistakes you made along the way or any ill feelings you harbor for yourself. i really wish you didn’t beat yourself up so much over them, those mistakes or whatever negative things that have happened don’t define you.

and remember: you’re not stuck the way you are now. every day you have the potential to grow and to learn, and you do grow and learn, all the time! it may not feel like it because it’s so subtle, but you do. the universe won’t let you get stuck, there is so much more to discover and i’ll always be here with you along the way! it’s inevitable to make mistakes, it’s human nature and wouldn’t make sense to be perfect on the get-go. no one is like that. just remember, progress can’t be compared. progress is still progress and slow + steady will still win the race! as long as you’re not changing yourself to cater to someone else’s needs or society’s standards then i will always support your desire to strive for the best version of yourself!!♡

[sidesteppostinghours]

4, 12, and 28 for ocs of your choice?

Good morning, thank you for the ask! :D

4. What’s a hobby they used to have that they miss?

Cyrus- cyrus used to play piano! he stopped for a few reasons (lack of time, associations to the farm, "i am not spending my money on a whole ass piano") but he still remembers how to play, even if hes a bit rusty. he doesnt see any use for the hobby at the moment, which is another reason he hasn't kept up, but who knows. i cannot for the life of me remember if daniel owns and/or plays piano(wouldnt surprise me) but if he does then theyd totally play a duet together.

Cynthia- she was very fond of photography back in the day, but she's had to drop it for safety reasons. while she didnt like photos of herself, she did own a camera and used it liberally for candid shots for most of the rangers. ortega had the most pictures taken of her ofc, she had girlfriend privileges. she also had a good few for the general scenery of los diablos, to remind her of her home. some of the photos that she treasured most were kept on her person, but it got taken away and used as ammunition by the farm when she was discovered. she would pick it up again given the chance, but thats only guaranteeing the photos cant be traced back to her, which isnt happening atm rip.

12. What's something that makes them laugh every single time? Be specific!

Caine- hes my most stoic character, so its actually pretty difficult to make him laugh, but! spoon. definitely spoon. chen has seen caine laugh more in like, 5 months than he has in the several years hes known them. its a combination of whats essentially intoxication from spoons mind, a feeling of understanding they dont usually get with people, and the fact that walks with spoon is one of the very few times he feels safe enough to let his guard down. it helps that chen has pretty quiet thoughts, so theyre not punished for lowering their shields.

Cecilia- oh man, ceci loves to laugh, shes very giggly. if i had to choose though, you can always get her with a dad joke. it doesnt matter how bad it is(and honestly the worse it is the funnier it gets). this is at least 70% of the reason she hangs out with ortega btw. that man is so corny with his jokes and cecilia is shamelessly enabling him. theyre insufferable when theyre together.

28. What do they tell people they want? What do they actually want?

Caine- ok, well. caine avoids talking about themeselves like the plague so good luck getting an answer out of them in the first place. if he really couldnt avoid it, hed just say one of his goals(getting out of hark, for instance). its not wrong, per se, but it doesnt encompass what they actually want because they dont know what they want. in honesty hes a justice step, but hes stuck as a fate step until he has a suitable moment of "oh shit thats why im doing this". they want the heroes to function as actual heroes, instead of glorified lapdogs for the state. as for when everything is finally over, they want a massive fucking nap.

Cyrus- he tells others he wants people to leave him alone, and is Very Annoyed that nobodys listening to him. the reality is, ofc, the opposite lmfao. he cant stand to be alone, hed spiral worse than he already has without people to hold him steady. he wasnt like this before, he was a lot more open with his like for people, but the farm made him paranoid of connection and he just couldnt risk it. unfortunately for him, repression just caused it to turn around and bit him in the ass. gl cyrus, have fun with your new friends <3

Cecilia- cecis extremely open, bombastic, and utterly unashamed to say that shes doing everything for the hell of it. thats still true, she really is just doing things for kicks, but the biggest thing she wants is friends. shes not shy about saying it, but she doesnt get what having a friend entails. so instead, she ends up chasing an mirage of what friends look like, without realizing it needs connection to work. the first time she found an actual friend in daniel since heartbreak, it threw her for a loop.

Cynthia- she thinks she needs to be sidestep again. its not something shell admit for various reasons– the complete impossibility of it being one of them– so instead she settles for telling ortega that she needs to stay a civilian for her sanity. to be fair, thats not a total lie, if she went back to being a hero she would crack. i know its not part of the question but as an extra little nugget, what she needs is for somebody to look at her now and still care for her even compared to sidestep. she is my only step that needs to be told "sidestep is dead" and i swear im trying to beat it into her with a stick.

questions are from here!

[pesterloglog]

Cronus Ampora, Mituna Captor

Act 6, page 5308

CRONUS: hey, chief. looking good today. is that a newv helmet?

MITUNA: N0 U FUCFK7H7H7HHH

#1GLVNWLDN01Z1XJ01N0V4

CRONUS: easy there, it vwas a joke. of course its not a newv helmet. vwhat, do you think im retar... um, short on common sense?

MITUNA: N0

CRONUS: did you see meenah go by?

MITUNA: N0

CRONUS: she vwent that vway, didnt she?

MITUNA: N0

CRONUS: are you sure?

MITUNA: N0

CRONUS: listen mate, i dont mean to call you a liar, but i sawv her vwalk up to you.

#liar

MITUNA: N0

#N0

CRONUS: i vwas spying on both of you from behind the hivwe ovwer there. i sawv you do a seriously groovwy face plant off the railing.

MITUNA: N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0

#N0 #N0 #N0 #N0 #N0 #N0 #N0 #N0 #N0 #N0 #N0

CRONUS: hahaha. youre really priceless, captor. havwe i evwer told you vwhat a cool cat i think you are?

MITUNA: WHY 4R3 Y0U 70UCH1N9 M3?

CRONUS: i really feel like youre one of the only people i can open up to about my feelings. i guess it really does help to confide in someone vwho basically lacks the ability to repeat vwhat you say vwith any clarity or coherence, or evwen understand vwhat you said in the first place.

MITUNA: Y0UR3 571LL 70UCH1NG M3 4ND 1 D0N7 UND3R574ND WHY 7H15 15 H4PP3PP1NG

CRONUS: but truth be told, i alvways felt that vway about you before you evwen started havwing, vwell, your issues. vwe alvways had a good thing together, didnt vwe?

MITUNA: 1 D0N7 W4N7 Y0UR H4ND 7H3R3

CRONUS: dont get me vwrong, i knowv you and latula are in a vwery committed matespritship, though lets face facts, she could obvwiously do better. and i mean much better. really she is just in a totally different league, she is charming and gorgeous, vwhereas you are, vwell... you, unfortunately. and i vwouldnt dare to intrude on your longstanding moirallegiance vwith kurloz, and not because he scares the shit out of me either. that just really seems to vwork, you and him, doesnt it? i dont get a peep out of him of course, not evwen if im super nice and compliment his hideous hair, and obvwiously i receivwe nothing but disgusting horseshit out of your mouth evwery time you open it. but you seem to bring good qualities out of each other, no? is it true, the rumor that you are actually lucid vwhen you talk to him, instead of behavwing like a babbling, vwertigo stricken imbecile?

MITUNA: WHY W0N7 7H3 W31RD 70UCH1NG 570P

#8(

CRONUS: but vwhat im trying to say is, you dont judge like the others. vwell, ok, you do, but i cant really take your vwitriol that seriously because you are so obvwiously retar... reticent vwith your true emotions. like for instance, vwho could i confide in vwhen i began to fully come to terms vwith this feeling deep inside that i vwas actually a human "born" in the body of a troll, but nevwer realized it until learning about the humans? nobody. except you, of course. you dont care that i am humankin. you dont mock me for it and trivwialize my tragic existence. vwell, you do, but the point im trying to make is that vwhen you mock me it doesnt actually mean anything, because evwerything you say is such putrid nonsense.

#friendship

MITUNA: 1 W4N7 7H47 Y0UR H4ND 70 N07 83 0N MY 80DY PL3453

CRONUS: vwhat? no, come on guy. im just givwing you a friendly little shoulder massage, vwith one hand, like this. see? in a vway that seems vwery casual, like "bros" do. please dont make this more awvkvward than it needs to be.

MITUNA: 1M 50RRY

CRONUS: i forgivwe you.

CRONUS: nowv hold that thought. im going to see if i can go catch up vwith meenah. dont followv me, because obvwiously youre going to cramp my style. hovw does my hair look? nevwer mind, you dont knowv vwhat youre talking about, ill just use your reflectivwe vwisor to check myself out. yes, looking great.

#coolscar

MITUNA: C4N 1 C0M3 W17H Y0U

CRONUS: jeepers, youre a thick headed fella. i just told you to stay put. im going to try out some especially bold movwes on peixes ovwer there, really put out the vwibe, you dig? i dont think i need to remind you that your presence vwill be like spraying the area vwith libidocide.

MITUNA: WH47

CRONUS: uh, beforus to captor. hello, this is mission control, is anything getting through that helmet? i am saying that your presence is sexual poison, and if you are drooling nearby vwhile i chat her up, she vwill become distracted and havwe trouble picturing me naked. as a vwing man, i must say, you are a true fucking disgrace.

#true #fucking #disgrace

MITUNA: 1M 50RRY

#8(

CRONUS: please stop apologizing so much, its really unattractivwe. at this point evwen IM not sure if i vwant to sleep vwith you.

CRONUS: nowv before i go, i just need to think of a good vway to break the ice. oh, ivwe got it! ill open vwith some jokes about howv hilarious it vwas vwhen you fell on your face ovwer there, and vwhat absolutely incredible fuckup you are on evwery levwel.

CRONUS: thank you for the inspiration, friend.

[perfectnightbouquetfan]

my start therapy

sitting here listening to clay pigeons and feeling an appriciation for the little things. i looked at therapy today and am hoping i can afford it. hopping itll help. but im happy, i feel this pressure about my future coming from behind me. thats pretty insightful. maybe i dont need therapy. maybe i need a xanax.

i wanna be better than i was. i think life is just that simple. i need to work on giving myself patience. i proabaly have flaws i havent even thought of but nobody seems to mind. most of all i dont mind. for example i was a wreck in high school. didn'y apply myself, nervous wreck, and slutty. idk why but i dont feel guilty. maybe shame. im more mad FOR myself rather than regret. idk, i think about it often but i am happy with most of the things i did. i do in fact look back and laugh. and sometimes get angry. but i dont think it matters that much. i was just a kid who happen to be future me's worst enemy.

everyone always tells me how mature i am for my age. what's up with that? i know the meme's that're like "trauma" but i dont think that's it. i think i really just get it. i get the game. i get why people do the things they do. maybe it's not that simple but i always was so worried about finding my identiy so i could be heard that i saw everyone else's. can you tell i queued some radiohead in my playlist? how stupid. nevertheless i feel that way. i feel like a 43 year old 2x divorcee with a mortage and trauma that fits neatly in a suitcase and other times i feel like a 10 year old girl who's feelings barely fit in her body. i think a 10 year old girl might have better emtion regulation. i dont really hang out with those types.

it feels kinda narcissistic to write about myself and try to make insightful conclusions. i don't know why I write this as if anyone will read it. maybe it's a self-esteem issue. i know it's just myself but why do I need to prove anything to myself.

i think i should probably talk to someone about my dad passing. i wrote that one essay about it coming in waves. it doesn't feel like I wrote it thanks to my ex bf's sister's help. she was so smart. i really wanted her to think I was smart. anyways, I talk about grief feeling like waves. i gave a speech on it at academic decathlon and all my judges cried. i guess I believe it but it isn't a unique take or anything. this woman at my job lost her mom. that pain is so unimaginable to me I cant even describe. but like my dad? idk it's complicated. it's almost like he died when I was 14 and the idea of him forever at 17. I don't even know how old I was when we last spoke. but I remember what it was like.

they say you froget the sound of their voice first, but I remember it so clearly. okay gotta stop now. i cant cry. it never seems to do anything,

i wish big thief would release incomprehensible. it's about not making sense and most of all about aging. i personally cannot wait to age. i cant wait to be settled. i know Ill never feel that way and I'll miss my 20s but I can't wait to be an attorney or whatever. no actually I have no other option. i don't care if I die doing it I'm going to be on the bar. i wont be a paralegal. I'll be the fucking boss. I'll mean something. I'll be heard. i wont have to figure myself out. i wont have to fix my self esteem. i can be an attorney wth an alcohol problem. the only clique il stand for

[capellla]

im not really looking for a reading as such but general tips cause i seem to keep running into the same type of people and either they dislike me from the get go without giving me much chance or theyre superficial one sided arseholes who only really care about something if it benefit them and i cant tell if someone is genuinely a good person or someone hiding behind a facade nowadays.

cause for instance u can easily tell if they dont like u even just by how little they dont give u much of a response nor interaction personally but that still doesnt mean much? yet other times they seem interested and keen on socialising whilst others theyll have their phone out or i will be staring at someones forehead which isnt the nicest of feeling even if theyre not doing much and ive always felt this person or others always have to be in charge of a discussion if they arent the centre of it then they are uninterested or some are interested in what i say until someone esle derails from me and or they have a bad habit of interrupting me. and im like how did i end up with these ppl? ughhh.

whys it so hard just to get the respect of others even if they dont care about me or dislike me to some extent? its not like i need them to care for me or anything but like show some respect yaknow? cause a person can try to be interested in what ur saying yet they still have other intention or feelings towards u that are fake. if u are conversing with someone on their phone wouldnt u be a little miffed at it? yes weve all done it to an extent but at some point u have to either ask them if they have a problem with u or not lmao. idk if im complicting it or making it seem worse than it is but is it hard for people to just try better? it seems so. im not perfect either but like people actually suck cause they can do the whole ghosting thing and so many ppl generally are addicted to gossiping and other unhelpful ways that dont make u want to interact with them any further. r people just too vapid and unaware of how it looks or am i asking too much from people or am i bothering them because they can and will interrupt me often and to them its often no big deal if they do things to me. sighhh. sorry for rambling but id love to know ur thoughts on this and any tips or advices u have for making better social connections with ppl who seem hellbent on disliking u or whatever it is. its been that way since i was little ppl would seemingly make it difficult for me to get close with them or make snarky little comments about things that were obviously intentional. again cause i was young u dont have an awareness of it until u learn of somethings. maybe others will find this ramble useful or relatable too.

how would i be able to tell if someone genuinely has terrible listening skills or if theyre really self absorbed? readings have helped in some cases but it still doesnt give much advices besides that i need to keep an eye out for the people around me but then it gets tiring having to always be hypervigilant and wary of whos acting in what way towards me or whos using what tone do they sound bored? etc, which ive felt has been going on for years and only now am i being wary of it and whos doing what when im interacting with them or trying too. id just like to sometimes be able to relax around others yet some part of me is always thinking when something is going on is it just trying to get my reaction and emotions from it? again sorry for rambling but some advice would be useful atp. cause im done with putting so much into someone who aint going to give a damn if im speaking to them or not. i might as well be around nobody than fake somebodies who dont like me.

and i cant count the amount of weirdness from these situations either its either the vibes or them or something thats going on that im not supposed to know about loads of fake coughing shit, seeing weird things when im out pointless petty gossiping etc. it gives distraction tactics honestly so they can ruin my social life too. its like every time im going out somewhere to enjoy something or trying to do well its just weird things that occur that dont make no sense cause they dont want me to be doing well.

People are brazen, hypocritical, superficial, liar, shameless, empty, heartless... I could list more. To be honest, I don't know that much either because I grew up far away from people, I was alone most of the time, and the universe somehow brought me people who were compatible with me or who I thought were so at that moment. What I mean by compatible is that I have always managed to see the good in people and I managed to learn from them. It is important to learn to be alone in this century because there is another thing: the more your awareness increases, the more lonely you feel. People don't know, and they don't know what they don't know either. It's very annoying when the other person gets caught up in stupid details and gossip when there is so much love and goodness inside of you. I still don't know why, there is a curtain between people and no one dares to lift that curtain.

I would like to hear the opinions of other people who follow my blog because unfortunately I cannot give good advice on this matter.

[gayspock]

yuh

i dontknow i feel like fucking sincerely just this fucking bone deep fucking exhaustion i fucking feel so fucking out of options over and over again ive fucking tried to sign back up the fucking weeks long waiting lists aheadof me again and i justfucking cant take it because i cant ufcking take it what do you want me to fucking say likeeeeeeee.

seriouslyfucking constantly the fucking "you dont try, you just accept it" isjust want to curl up and fucking die because i fucking cant do it any more the fucking "just gethelp" fuckingfuck me in thhead i cant do it any more nobody caresits just another fucking breakdown and jsut i dont

i dontknow what am i saiyng. yeah fine im just. i dontreally think htheres anything thats ever going to help or make it amtter and im taking iy out on this but also i jsut. i dont know i fucking hate it i hate beingalive i hate that when youre so fucking alone the only thing there is is this shti i dont

i mean it . i mean it when youyre alone. i mean it . do you fucking know what i mean. i feel fucking crazy i feel fucking isnane i dont know what t odo and the only thing peopleever say to isd go get help and i cant fucking doit any more i fodnt want to go through it all again i cant fucking tell you how much worse it makes it togo through the fucking ONLINE CBT COURSES! again and again and againt hatjust make you worse , to then get discharged haldfway through the limited run because youre too much forthem and then put on anothe ryears long waiting list to rotelsewhere theresno support theresno help theres no one who actually like caresoyu just . listen to the fucking robotic voice reaidng of a script and then you disengage and go cvry alone because what does it mattel and the only thng people ever tellyou after all of it again and again anad again is tou dint try it you didnt do it good renough you didnt fucking commit . to fuckingwhat. becauser apparently to all these fuckign people wjo apparently are so fucking clued up its a fucking crazy msytery to them that actuallyhte fuckin g mental healthcare or whatever is fucking dogshit garbage but ifyou try to say that to them youre fucking crazy anf ucfkign insane i

a round of cbt you dont respond well thats your fault discharge 3 month waiting list preliminary 15 minute appointment assessment ok fine waiting list for 3 months ok lets do cbt again why not ok do it again any way no actually this isnt working youre not doing it well enough what do you mean youdont like it this is the only thing we do discharge 3 year waiting list for specialised services move away get booted off new area 15 minute appointment weeks later weeks later cvbt again babe? 15 minute appointment cbt again babe this time its whats

wheres the email again

sorry computerised yes . cbt its on te omputer . if you dont like it um we have the cbt with the ai phone. remember that? do you not likethis DISCHARGE. TRY AGAIN. NUH UH. go to your gp the gp directs you back here youreso alone you cant even getout of bed nobodyf ucking cares nobody fuckingtalks to you youre slo alone fevery day you shiuld be fucking thankful your free healthcare you ofnt fucking try youre so alone discharge you again put yuou back through this and thato ver and over again it goes nowehre you get worsr its your fault you self-victimisingcunt i jsut want something to matter its so difficult already to talk to try and whenyou do they jsut stare you down and make you feel so small then you already where nobody sees you nobody touches you nobody likes you allthere theres ntihing but this constant fucking back and forth again spiral and jsut cosntant fucking rejection and loneliness and haitng youraelf andwhat areyou even trying for man i dotn know i dont know i dont know any moreeee i LOVE MY SPIRAL

and its all for ntojhing anyway because at the end of the day what you wa\nt is for someone to like you for osmeone to care and its neevr going to happen its never going ot mean anything and they cant dfizx that no one can because theres nothing there but just fucking wanting to die now i cant talk normal i cant talk right i keep fucking spiralling i cant htink of anyhting to say but fucking tanking everything i go out i got robbed i come home i cry by myself i dont know why i tried i dont know why i keep trying ti means nothing but you dont and they think less of you but whats less than ntohing noobody is even thinking of you at all they all jsut forgetyou until its time to fucking pity you and pretendlike it means anyhting i wish i could be a part of something jsut for once fucking pretend like i was meant to be her e i dton know what to do i just dont know what im going to fuckingdo or how to do it proeprly i jsut dont want tio do this again and again and again and ikeep thinkign about it how easy it would be to die how long would it take how many weeks off work can i take do it right at the beginning no quit work quit eveyrthing go on holiday disappear overseasbecause no one would even follow you to the end of thr estreet nevermind there just go leave thrw yourslef into the water and nobody will ever find you or remember you it never happened it never means anything IS ANYONE CRAZY RN