#i cant explain it im just weird like that
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tree kitties
#idk what im doing#btw tumblr i didnt forget about you i just#felt like it wasnt the right time to post anything#i cant explain it im just weird like that#hermitcraft#hermitcraft fanart#hermitcraft 10#goodtimeswithscar#goodtimeswithscar fanart#edible art by inedible teff
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#polls#personally i dont like it but thats only because i dont like fandom. the type of stuff that gets the most attention#in fandom usually just annoys me idk. how to explain it in a way that wont come off as me saying#fanfic or whatever is evil its just the fact that it just bombards alot of the conversations?#i prefer it when the thing i like has 10 fans and theyre all on one message board or forum#like for example mtvs downtown is getting popular but apart from annoying#'me and the mid nerd guy i copped by being weird and sexy' posts its not awful....#but then smth like... clone high or smth i suddenly cant remember ppl just got so annoying abt that show??#like i cant stand it i dont even bother watching it anymore plus its just weird to me now like i can't watch it regardless#im just rambling but personally i do not like it. like i dont want what i like to get a revival#i dont want anything new! i just want to enjoy the thing and move on 😭#fandom seems to prioritize shipping and memes over evaluating or simply just enjoying something!#this goes for anything. music film tv books....
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#its been a rly weird (not in a bad way just different-weird hh) feeling/exp being behind on da stuff lately and not having been able to#follow it all or post about it all in totality or minute detail like usual (and for so long too)#but its been so worth it sjdkjfkfj#and the reason is. the other thing (i dont talk about it much here) that is my special interest is nature- especially plants and birds#and for ~three years or so now i have had this Dream of seeing a specific rare bird species in the wild#it can only be found in one region/habitat in one country in the world#i have tried to spot it before on previous attempts but wasn't able to find it#so tldr i've been on this Bird quest on the other side of the world#and this time.. i DID find it ouughh (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀) and not only one example but they had a friend with them too!! TWO birbs#and AAAA im so happy i cant even begin to explain/express.. its a dream come true for me fr (｡•́︿•̀｡)#mj and the world#feels
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no matter what taemin is taemin and don’t you FORGET IT
#I LOVED IT SOOOOOO MUCHHHH i cant even explain it#never mind that the grungy start and the filthy fawking guitar combined w INCOMINGGGGGGG pavlov conditions me into my eyes rolling back in#pleasure. it’s also the way it’s so gorgeously experimental and new and yet still SO taemin#it’s literally my FAVORITE thing about him like no one else is doing this and it’s soooo so exciting to me#also i’ve only had a little bit of time to myself so i planned to listen to like 3 songs and ended up listening to sexy in the air thrice#(i just can’t get ENOUGH we are SO fucking BACK) but how much do you wanna bet the rest of the album is mostly easily digestible#easy to listen songs that will automatically be crowd pleasers#like at the end of sexy in the air mv it’s like horizon starts and i was thinking like this is SO smart#do sita (undeniably taeministic and absolutely excellent and will no doubt be revered in a few years just like move/want and any other#song that wasn’t universally liked at release) and follow it up with a double title of a massively likeable song? SO good i hope that’s#what he does but i reaaaaaally really am so delighted i have another weird dark sexy grungy (!!!!!) absolute MONSTER of a song to listen#the SHIT out of auhhhh i love him BAD#i have SO many more thoughts on the DANCEEEEEEE too and the song itself but they’ll wait until im back home
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thinking about frank and sex (in a sad way)
#marvel#frank castle#the punisher#not as in about sex with him but like how hes portrayed in relation to it in the comics if that makes sense#hes just always so deeply uninterested not just in the women but the act itself too like#so many times hes like. not pressured thats the wrong word but like i can think of at least two times i saw#where the women just kinda. walk themselves into his bed. and hes like 'eh idk about this' but then just kinda does it anyway#like i imagine the writers intended for this to be like a cool guy thing yk like ah he gets so much action and he DOESNT CARE cuz hes COOL#but ME personally i cant help but read it like. god idk i dont want to say him letting himself get used and using them in turn#theres this expression 'going through the motions' that kind of feels right here but idk how to explain it#hes just so weird about it. every time. in my mind i cant imagine him ever really wanting it very much#like maybe to feel good sometimes but its never. idk am i making sense am i just saying shit#is he gay asexual missing his dead wife or just so so fucking traumatized and dead on the inside that his body is just an object now#so many fun ways to interpret this#<guy who is not having fun interpreting this#wish i could just project my thoughts into your heads so youd see exactly what i mean cuz i dont feel im verbalizing this well enough#god take a shot every time i say 'like' or 'just'. youll be off your face from this post only#i may be making shit up tbh idk the thought struck me out of nowhere while i was looking at the ceiling
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Wait hold on, in his anniversary video Barbatos mentions the mc being the brother's attendant?
But in the other videos, it's implied that they don't remember the mc leaving (which is actually something im very disappointed about and really hope isnt the case in the actual story)
In these two specifically, it seems like they aren't aware of the mc's presence in the past/alternate timeline/whatever it is. The only other person who seems like they know is Lucifer
Which also lines up with the end of lesson 40, where he's the only one who says welcome back? So like?? Do only him and Barbatos know? Did they not tell anyone?? Diavolo would probably know as well but I haven't seen anything to show that yet. Anyways I don't really like where this is going, I would really prefer they not make everyone forget the mc disappeared
#of course they could always just be not quite putting the pieces together in these scenes#buuuut at this point im not so sure..#i was hoping theyd take a more “WE MISSED YOU” approach#because if im being honest those are some of my favorite moments#like yay everythings better now lets hug it out#i feel weird about them potentially not knowing about what happened#how would they play that off? solomon already said they were freaking out?#“oh whoops we time traveled just far back enough that no one noticed you were gone”#no#do not do that#that defeats the purpose of this whole shenanigan#they also cant just say it was the regular past#because story inconsistencies#solomon has even commented on how its different#hes like “simeon and luke shouldnt be here”#istg if they try to move past that without explaining i will explode#its a very plausible scenario at this point#theyve done it before#because oh does diavolo just not have the power to spot lies anymore?? ok#anyway im scared for the future of the story#this could go wrong in so many ways#obey me!#obey me! swd#obey me lucifer#obey me satan#obey me luke#obey me barbatos#posts#maybe barbatos just merges the timelines again and thats why everyone feels weird#idk im too tired to think more about this
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trying to have a peaceful "reading on the balcony with my morning coffee" moment but The Fucking Birds.
#trying to explain how screeching and raucous aussie morning 'birdsong' is is so funny like#you just have to youtube the birds and hear it for yourself#cockatoos taking flight genuinely makes me feel like im in dinotopia#<- real pterodactyl fans will understand#was telling my friend oh i cant sleep cause theres some fuckass bird outside at night making noise#shes like what the fuck do you mean theres a BIRD at NIGHT#girl idk...sometimes there is just a loud ass bird at night i didnt realise it was weird til now 😭
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Turns out the barista crush used to go to the same high school as me....
#my incredible stalking skills paid thru#I DONT EVEN WANT HIM NOW.....#this is ridiculous#the mystery is gone and this feels so mediocre#also hes a libra moon. do you think im about to entertain a ran through man......#scorpio sun / venus though 💖 i love my scorpios#BUT IDEK .......#LIKE hes one year older than me so maybe thats why i cant remember him#but we have mutuals on insta and on fb.....#like this just took the magic out of it. he was already just a guy now hes literally Just A Guy#i dont want him (lie)#(i still want to hit but very cautiously)#i cant explain it. it just feels weird kdjdjdjd#text#not tolkien
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being on twitter and seeing 18yr olds with “minors dni” in their bios is the weirdest thing ever
#lets be real#what the difference between and 18 yr old and a 17 yr old other than voting#youre probably still in high school#still live at home#dont have much if any real world experience#what happened just the day you turn 18 youre suddenly so far removed from someone whos a day before their 18th?#the amount of pro dead dove but with proshippers dni is concerning too#no one over there knows what proship means#which is weird bc i think it came from there to begin with#proship doesnt mean you like ‘problematic’ ships#its not an abbreviation#it means pro as in for#the same way anti means against#you could only ship the most wholesome canon thing in the world and still be a proshipper#it just means youre for shipping#i shouldnt have to explain this#im ship and let ship#i truly dont care what other people do in their private time#that by default makes me proship#but you cant just say that bc people dont believe you bc they think it means something else and you get death threats#its the wild west out there#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt
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OK I swear the reason I'm showing you this will have context in a couple days! But also, the fact B&N has a section dedicated to "well he may be a ten buuuuut" and included my current crime of "he's blonde" is like. Dang. Called out.
Didn't help I saw this with a guy and I said "oh no, my blonde enjoyer crimes called out!" and he said "better than redheads" and I'm like. "Sir, I have to inform you of my previous crime." and he was not pleased as he said "Fish... why....."
#moe talks a lot#not art#this will be much more relevant to my art in a couple days but just know#that ive had a field day staring at these and noticing unintentional bullshit#such as ! note how they are all kinda average writing size OR p big except for the tail one#which is kinda small and i feel like the person who wrote it is like this is the opposite of a '10 but -' ... thats a plus...#but then you also have all of them starting off lower case EXCEPT He's a man-child#oh absolutely gotta cater to the man-childs esteem and capitalize that one#this might be incredibly funny to me but i am not letting it be rebloggable im so sorry#also i like how he calls me fish in public bc despite having known me since 4th grade#he got in the habit during our ffxiv days during skype calls with someone in another state#so instead of using my in game name of Tuna vs my actual skype name Salmon#hes like fuck it we ball with just Fish#so i am fish to him and it carries over irl when we hang out which is rare but still#this is the same guy who was on the phone with his wife while we were wandering around and he just#watches me walk off with a very serious determination and i hear him say#hold on babe fish just walked over to a makeup store and is staring#so he walks over and asks me whats up and i point to a shelf and say dude#and he looks where im pointing and asks his wife#hey honey do you want main character energy? fish found some lipstick for that#and i hear her over the phone saying what very flatly#and he had to explain that there was a shelf advertising main character energy in sephora#his wife said no which is fair (they were also closed lol)#also the same guy i beat up on accident who lied to his football coach about why he had such fucked up shins#bc he knew his coach liked me as a very kind and quiet and obedient student#and my buddy was like i cant tell him you kicked me so much i bled...#and i just ????????????? hey what you never mentioned bleeding to me? dude? you KEPT MAKING SHORT JOKES#KNOWING ID KICK YOU IN THE SHINS? you never thought to say maybe stop that or maybe just stop picking on me#anyway yeah this guy and i have been through some weird times and most of them are my fault
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got my ears pierced
#one step closer to being link…#cant wear my little blue hoops yet…… soon……….#piercer was so cool. i was like im kindof moderately anxious#and he went dude as long as you dont hit me or kick me we’re good#and he explained the whole process to me and was like you got this youll be fine#i went ‘im assuming it hurts’ and he said ‘well it doesn’t feel great’#i think i was too hopped up on adrenaline to actually feel the pain because it just felt really weird#but now.. link earrings….. in a month once theyve healed
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tonight's little doodles
#doodle#lcb#meursault lcb#meurgreg#im trying to be less self conscious about making meurgreg or any ship art really#twt has exposed me to everyone having an opinion on every ship ever#which has made me back away from making too much art of any one ship#i know meurgreg is one of the most popular ships but because of that i also feel an odd sense of guilt#i cant explain it like i should use my art to contribute to a rare pair or smth idk#its all a bit weird and irrational#but ive realized i have not been able to make art for myself for months#every idea i have and everything i go forward to draw im always thinking about how others will feel about it#and how i can make it better fit or adequate for an audience so i dont let them down or bore them#and that mindset has made art so much of a chore that ive significantly slowed down so much on art at all#so idk#trying to stop overthinking and just draw what i feel to the extent that i feel#escape the perfectionism and wanting to please everyone as much as possible#to elaborate on the weird meurgreg feeling i guess its like#i feel guilty for filling tags even more with an already popular ship & making mutuals who dont like meurgreg see it more#but its just not that deep#people can mute meurgreg and thats just not my problem anyway#sry ab these tags!
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i love being autistic cause sometimes i get a glimpse into how regular people perceive things and its like. what the fuck. what the fuck is that? you live like this? and its normal?? i think YOURE the weird one actually. im fine. thanks though.
#THERES SO MANY WEIRD RULES#LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION TO HOW SOMEONE WALKS LIKE HUH????? WHY????????????#can someone fucking explain the dude head nod thing to me why do we do that. whats that about. ive never seen anyone do that irl before#is that an american thing or do i just hang around too many afab people#i am learning the intricacies of cis people gender rules and i am. what fucking planet have i been on the last 17 years like what is this#was there some like. rulebook they handed out at somepoint they forgot to give to me or something#“best way to learn is to observe the men around you” OBSERVE WHAT. YOU PEOPLE PAY THAT MUCH ATTENTION TO EVERY LITTLE MOVEMENT????#bruh i can barely make eye contact w people...#my ass has never intentionally copied someones mannerisms ever.#i do it subconsciously. but doing it actively feels weird and wrong and like im breaking someones boundaries#“men dont smile at people.” well they should.#ive decided cishet men are the most boring people on the planet#“dont move with your hands” YOURE BREAKING MY POOR THEATER KID HEART#i need to meet more gay men irl to absorb the vibe of cause i only know like two. not counting myself#i want people to look at me and go. ah yes. fruit.#at this point im just going to accept being misgendered for the rest of eternity. id rather die than be boring in the way cishet men are#my flavor of being trans is so influenced by my autism cause my perception of genders is completely off from what everyone else is doing#im like. yeah i want to be a man. and then i look at what the majority of men are actually like and its like. wait no. not like that#shoutout to flamboyant gay men where would i be without them#i think the thing that bothers me the most is that like#in my mind peoples genders are just. the way they express themselves.#its not like. this super big complex deal like how everyone else treats it. if that makes sense? like.#regular people have so many rules for what counts as a man or what counts as a woman or what counts as neither and its like???#you can do what you want???? why do we care????#and ive been doing this since i was little. on account of the autism#i just. dont get why its such a big deal to people.#i cant wrap my head around it at all#not nonbinary not a girl not aegender not a man but a secret fourth thing#(man but i do it my way instead of everyone elses way)#unfortunately doing it my way just. leads to the misgendering dimension. for some reason
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by the power of modern day AU, I am delighted to announce that Fulj can have a girlfriend ! I haven't named her yet but have a few in mind so ... soon (TM). She is the one that she loved in canon before the whole memory wipe and as you can see, penchant for black, black hair, brown eyes, and prone to weird statements. Perfect balance to Deacon's weird questions.
HOWEVER ! I mentioned the problem of Deacon still having facial blindness to someone and how there is no glow from the deities for him to identify them. And her solution is the funniest thing ever so I have to do it. He identifies people by smell. So when he is in the same room as Ymber and Oh when they first cross paths, he doesn't really think about it. But later when he sees Ymber alone and gets the same kinda scent, same cologne or something, he knows that's not the taller guy therefore that's his scent ! Perfect!
So... unfortunately.... Deacon really can't beat the weirdness allegations in AUs...... he's stuck like that. Fulj has referred to him as a guard dog in canon and now he's a tracking dog. RIP to him.
(and because Deacon gets my facial blindness I am giving Fulj's girlfriend ANOTHER trait of mine I wouldn't wish on anyone because it's also really funny. She can't smell. She can taste ! She just can't smell. So she loves talking to Deacon because he explains smells as foods for her to get the vibe across. Which are REALLY weird conversations no one else wants to hear.)
#the daily life of a deity sucks#modern deities and their weird lives#im gonna actually make that the tag#also The Girlfriends live together and so they have the same kinda scent to Deacon but even if he only has one around#he can pick them out which weirds Fulj out even more until hes like#but if I smell you and there is no greeting its you and if I do get a greeting its the other#and Fulj is just baffled that THATs the tell ... flipping greetings#also since Oh is just one person in the AU since they were never split to two#they are delighted by the funny scent tracking and is just SO happy to tell Deacon and Ymber#Hey Ym I need to borrow your boyfriend so he can pick out a nice cologne for me so he knows its me#and Ymber is like weird but okay whatever you want if hes ok with it#and Deacon is too ??? over being referred to as Ymbers boyfriend and not having it outright denied so he agrees in a daze#to go help pick out their cologne and just question his life at this point#because he cant not be weird he has to go above and beyond while explaining how a cherry smell tastes#and everyone except the girlfriend who hears it is just... kinda.... weirded out by how he describes things#while the gf is absolutely delighted to have such descriptions#Fulj is just ... i love you babe but hes so weird how do you do it#and everyone else except deacon is just whispering to each other about who has to break it to Fulj#that her gf and Deacon are basically the exact same levels of weird and no one wants to because she will get so defensive#the gf just wants to dress deacon up like a goth or emo and he doesnt really know how to interpret the interest in his clothing#and just they are so precious and never woulda met in canon even if Fulj didnt have her wiped from her memory#she was alive centuries ago
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I am preemptively very sorry for this but I can stop thinking about this and I need to share this stupid train of thoughts witb you all before I explode
So. you know how in Tanz der Vampire the vampire bite is explicitly a metaphor for sex? You know how, since we dont actually know how exactly theyre related, people write explanations of how von Krolock and Herbert came to both be vampires and father and son in their fanfics? You know how its pretty much always some flavor of "Herbert is the counts biological son from before he became a vampire, then he became a vampire and bit him"? Has anyone else ever thought about the weird implications of that or is that just me
#i was gonna elaborate a bit more but yknow what im just dropping this in here why not#and just for the record im not saying that all fanworks need to use the same metaphors as canon or have the same themes as canon#this is just something i noticed when a fic i read went out of its way to explain the bite as nonsexual and now i cant unnotice it#how no one else ever seems to specify anything like that#and how a lot of fanfics are pretty vague about it in general like pretty much all we usually find out is just that the count did bite him#and im not trying to be like 'ugh this fandom needs more incest its so weird that theres not way more than there is' or whatever#i found like 7 romantic von krolock/herbert fics across three fanfic sites thats a perfectly fine amount#whatevr im just ramnlibg at this pont#point#tanz der vampire
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#gamer txt.#mum just found out that people think in sentences and she is baffled#me and her dont but my stepdad does and it is weird ill admit#i cant think in words unless im speaking or writing which is probabky why i frequently do both#harder to parse what im thinking if its just concepts up top#although i can like. think in words but as the concept of words not as a voice#i do find it harder to think about more complex things like an idea or problem dolving without speaking though#the language component is necessary for me to grasp and remember things but i dont think with it#which. explains alot actually
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