#i cant explain it im just weird like that
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rare shadow the hedgehog post but i actually dislike shipping him with any of the girls and heres why (please hear me out chat) (no hate btw just an opinion)
first of all, rouge specifically is implied to have a sister relationship to him. its implied multiple times, especially in SA2 that he sees her as a sister the way he saw maria, and when shes in danger he feels the same fear of losing a sister. ignoring that, i feel, takes away from both of their characters and is kinda weird.
second of all, expanding on my previous point— i think shadows deep respect for women and girls is a huge part of him and it doesnt stem from attraction at all which i think is actually VERY important. he sees every woman as an extension of his sister, while her killers were men, and all villains afterwards are ALSO more men! he trusts women and girls naturally, while he distrusts every man he comes across. this doesn’t necessarily mean he sees every girl AS maria and every man AS GUN or other villains, but he does see them in similar light.
shadow has seen the cruelty of men compared to the cruelty of women and from his perspective, women have only been positive influences, people to admire— while the enemy is always a man. i feel turning that to attraction takes the sentiment away of WHY he respects women so highly in the first place. not saying he cant like women, i just feel none of the girl characters hes close to would work without taking this factor out of him. he cares for them so heavily out of deep respect and i feel its kinda disappointing to change that to attraction. it defeats the whole point.
and before anyone says “ok sonadow shipper!” or some dumb shit, the reason why i dont mind him being paired with men isnt cuz i just dont like straight ships or something stupid like that. i will defend hunter and willow from the owl house until i die. and also yuri 4 life dont get it twisted. BUT. shadow just doesnt fit with women in that way, he is gods strongest feminist soldier and i just dont think hed be attracted to them out of such deep respect he just wouldnt consider it. and you could easily argue hes aroace all together. however, with men specifically he doesnt have that deep relationship and respect that i explained prior. i feel it takes away no real meaning to pair him with a man. if anything, it could add a meaning onto his distrust and him learning to trust or something gay like that.
basically, i just enjoy seeing a male character so influenced by the girls around him and NOT wanting to bang them in any sense. i find that very important to me and i get it if you dont care but its still sweet to see.
finally tho.. im gonna piss people off here but the sonic fandom is very ship-brained and i need to put it into perspective for yall that both shadow and sonic would be 20 when amy would be 16. i get that she definitely isnt always younger than them, but she is in plenty of versions of herself and is intended to be half the time, so i just dont get how you can bring yourself to ship them. but maybe thats just me. ive always found that to be uncomfortable even when i was little watching sonic X. i just dont feel comfortable pairing most of the cast together, especially amy specifically due to even the most sliver of a question abt her age making me feel weird. its honestly kinda funny that, mostly, the only characters that are the same age to be shipped are all men. again, im not fujo-brained, its just a coincidence with the characters specifically that i think shipping the guys is genuinely more appropriate MOST of the time. (not always!)
idk i dont think anyone is terrible for shipping shadow with the girl characters but it does make me super uncomfortable and i just wanted to expand on that cuz i like talking here and seeing others thoughts or whatever. dont get it twisted tho, some of you ARE weirdos and i wont tolerate you. BUT. thats not rlly what this is about and its not all of you. please dont misunderstand
#also something to be said. please stop sexualizing him. god PLEASEEEEE HES 16 AND A HEDGEHOG!!!!!!!#sonic fandom is 50 50 the worst shit you ever seen or the best day ever spongebob#off topic tho my bad#shadow the hedgehog#sonic fandom#sonic opinions#sonic the hedgehog#sth#shadow the ultimate lifeform#sonic x shadow generations
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tree kitties
#idk what im doing#btw tumblr i didnt forget about you i just#felt like it wasnt the right time to post anything#i cant explain it im just weird like that#hermitcraft#hermitcraft fanart#hermitcraft 10#goodtimeswithscar#goodtimeswithscar fanart#edible art by inedible teff
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#polls#personally i dont like it but thats only because i dont like fandom. the type of stuff that gets the most attention#in fandom usually just annoys me idk. how to explain it in a way that wont come off as me saying#fanfic or whatever is evil its just the fact that it just bombards alot of the conversations?#i prefer it when the thing i like has 10 fans and theyre all on one message board or forum#like for example mtvs downtown is getting popular but apart from annoying#'me and the mid nerd guy i copped by being weird and sexy' posts its not awful....#but then smth like... clone high or smth i suddenly cant remember ppl just got so annoying abt that show??#like i cant stand it i dont even bother watching it anymore plus its just weird to me now like i can't watch it regardless#im just rambling but personally i do not like it. like i dont want what i like to get a revival#i dont want anything new! i just want to enjoy the thing and move on 😭#fandom seems to prioritize shipping and memes over evaluating or simply just enjoying something!#this goes for anything. music film tv books....
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#its been a rly weird (not in a bad way just different-weird hh) feeling/exp being behind on da stuff lately and not having been able to#follow it all or post about it all in totality or minute detail like usual (and for so long too)#but its been so worth it sjdkjfkfj#and the reason is. the other thing (i dont talk about it much here) that is my special interest is nature- especially plants and birds#and for ~three years or so now i have had this Dream of seeing a specific rare bird species in the wild#it can only be found in one region/habitat in one country in the world#i have tried to spot it before on previous attempts but wasn't able to find it#so tldr i've been on this Bird quest on the other side of the world#and this time.. i DID find it ouughh (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥`) and not only one example but they had a friend with them too!! TWO birbs#and AAAA im so happy i cant even begin to explain/express.. its a dream come true for me fr (。•́︿•̀。)#mj and the world#feels
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being too weird and unlikable and off putting and always being shunned and turned into an outcast everywhere i go and not having felt the connection and healing friendship has on you for so many years has really done a number on me
#irl mostly. but even online. i cannot connect or find communities or support systems the way most of u can#even if i do have found great connections and one connection in particular im more than grateful for#but i have had so much of my humanness torn off for so long that i am awkward and useless in handling it#but yeah idk :/ im just so profoundly jealous of how everyone can just fit into a slot#even online when ppl talk abt being anxious and stuff they still have ppl to talk to#or ppl irl to hang out with and im like.. wow... i cant even do that :/#it is just so lonely in general. and it has made me confused and incapable of knowing how to be a human#and fully realise and actualize the one connection i do have#if i had gotten to learn and now know how to be a human and a person i would've... been a person#but now i feel so removed and far away from that idek how...#like im at a point where i cant even have simple and shallow conversations online bc im like so useless#maybe only other ppl with avpd and who have been socially rejected and isolated and alienated can fully understand what i mean#it is so scary and weird and i feel such deep envy for how people can just like... talk to eo. irl and online. i dont get it#and like the connection i do have that i mention bc it is so important to me.. that does all of those things#but it is like im so not used to anyone even keep wanting to have a connection with me#that i feel like bambi on ice 💀 for lack of a better metaphor#and inside of me idk how to dare to open up to it bc i've been numb and shut off i just dont know#i dont know. but i want to but idk how.#ahhhhhh wanna scream bc just trying to describe it so i can make sense of it is frustrating!!!!#it also sucks bc other ppl really dont seem to get how fkn weird and scary it is to feel so removed from humanness#and not even be able to do most basic human people things most ppl who are mentally ill or anxious do.. i cant even do that idk#talking and communicating is the main thing like ppl do not understand how fkn hard it is for me to even have a simple convo#and i cant explain it bc theres no way someone who doesnt feel the same and have avpd could get it...#but idk. i just hate all of this and i wish i had a normal functioning brain. i just wanna be like everyone else#even ppl w social anxiety are capable of having friends. and im terrified of losing the only connection i've somehow been lucky to get#in my hands??? im so scared of losing that but idk HOW to be a person and idk!!! idk!!#other ppl dont even think abt these things im so fkn jealous lmao#anyway whatever 😔
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no matter what taemin is taemin and don’t you FORGET IT
#I LOVED IT SOOOOOO MUCHHHH i cant even explain it#never mind that the grungy start and the filthy fawking guitar combined w INCOMINGGGGGGG pavlov conditions me into my eyes rolling back in#pleasure. it’s also the way it’s so gorgeously experimental and new and yet still SO taemin#it’s literally my FAVORITE thing about him like no one else is doing this and it’s soooo so exciting to me#also i’ve only had a little bit of time to myself so i planned to listen to like 3 songs and ended up listening to sexy in the air thrice#(i just can’t get ENOUGH we are SO fucking BACK) but how much do you wanna bet the rest of the album is mostly easily digestible#easy to listen songs that will automatically be crowd pleasers#like at the end of sexy in the air mv it’s like horizon starts and i was thinking like this is SO smart#do sita (undeniably taeministic and absolutely excellent and will no doubt be revered in a few years just like move/want and any other#song that wasn’t universally liked at release) and follow it up with a double title of a massively likeable song? SO good i hope that’s#what he does but i reaaaaaally really am so delighted i have another weird dark sexy grungy (!!!!!) absolute MONSTER of a song to listen#the SHIT out of auhhhh i love him BAD#i have SO many more thoughts on the DANCEEEEEEE too and the song itself but they’ll wait until im back home
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thinking about frank and sex (in a sad way)
#marvel#frank castle#the punisher#not as in about sex with him but like how hes portrayed in relation to it in the comics if that makes sense#hes just always so deeply uninterested not just in the women but the act itself too like#so many times hes like. not pressured thats the wrong word but like i can think of at least two times i saw#where the women just kinda. walk themselves into his bed. and hes like 'eh idk about this' but then just kinda does it anyway#like i imagine the writers intended for this to be like a cool guy thing yk like ah he gets so much action and he DOESNT CARE cuz hes COOL#but ME personally i cant help but read it like. god idk i dont want to say him letting himself get used and using them in turn#theres this expression 'going through the motions' that kind of feels right here but idk how to explain it#hes just so weird about it. every time. in my mind i cant imagine him ever really wanting it very much#like maybe to feel good sometimes but its never. idk am i making sense am i just saying shit#is he gay asexual missing his dead wife or just so so fucking traumatized and dead on the inside that his body is just an object now#so many fun ways to interpret this#<guy who is not having fun interpreting this#wish i could just project my thoughts into your heads so youd see exactly what i mean cuz i dont feel im verbalizing this well enough#god take a shot every time i say 'like' or 'just'. youll be off your face from this post only#i may be making shit up tbh idk the thought struck me out of nowhere while i was looking at the ceiling
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Wait hold on, in his anniversary video Barbatos mentions the mc being the brother's attendant?
But in the other videos, it's implied that they don't remember the mc leaving (which is actually something im very disappointed about and really hope isnt the case in the actual story)
In these two specifically, it seems like they aren't aware of the mc's presence in the past/alternate timeline/whatever it is. The only other person who seems like they know is Lucifer
Which also lines up with the end of lesson 40, where he's the only one who says welcome back? So like?? Do only him and Barbatos know? Did they not tell anyone?? Diavolo would probably know as well but I haven't seen anything to show that yet. Anyways I don't really like where this is going, I would really prefer they not make everyone forget the mc disappeared
#of course they could always just be not quite putting the pieces together in these scenes#buuuut at this point im not so sure..#i was hoping theyd take a more “WE MISSED YOU” approach#because if im being honest those are some of my favorite moments#like yay everythings better now lets hug it out#i feel weird about them potentially not knowing about what happened#how would they play that off? solomon already said they were freaking out?#“oh whoops we time traveled just far back enough that no one noticed you were gone”#no#do not do that#that defeats the purpose of this whole shenanigan#they also cant just say it was the regular past#because story inconsistencies#solomon has even commented on how its different#hes like “simeon and luke shouldnt be here”#istg if they try to move past that without explaining i will explode#its a very plausible scenario at this point#theyve done it before#because oh does diavolo just not have the power to spot lies anymore?? ok#anyway im scared for the future of the story#this could go wrong in so many ways#obey me!#obey me! swd#obey me lucifer#obey me satan#obey me luke#obey me barbatos#posts#maybe barbatos just merges the timelines again and thats why everyone feels weird#idk im too tired to think more about this
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Turns out the barista crush used to go to the same high school as me....
#my incredible stalking skills paid thru#I DONT EVEN WANT HIM NOW.....#this is ridiculous#the mystery is gone and this feels so mediocre#also hes a libra moon. do you think im about to entertain a ran through man......#scorpio sun / venus though 💖 i love my scorpios#BUT IDEK .......#LIKE hes one year older than me so maybe thats why i cant remember him#but we have mutuals on insta and on fb.....#like this just took the magic out of it. he was already just a guy now hes literally Just A Guy#i dont want him (lie)#(i still want to hit but very cautiously)#i cant explain it. it just feels weird kdjdjdjd#text#not tolkien
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being on twitter and seeing 18yr olds with “minors dni” in their bios is the weirdest thing ever
#lets be real#what the difference between and 18 yr old and a 17 yr old other than voting#youre probably still in high school#still live at home#dont have much if any real world experience#what happened just the day you turn 18 youre suddenly so far removed from someone whos a day before their 18th?#the amount of pro dead dove but with proshippers dni is concerning too#no one over there knows what proship means#which is weird bc i think it came from there to begin with#proship doesnt mean you like ‘problematic’ ships#its not an abbreviation#it means pro as in for#the same way anti means against#you could only ship the most wholesome canon thing in the world and still be a proshipper#it just means youre for shipping#i shouldnt have to explain this#im ship and let ship#i truly dont care what other people do in their private time#that by default makes me proship#but you cant just say that bc people dont believe you bc they think it means something else and you get death threats#its the wild west out there#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt
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OK I swear the reason I'm showing you this will have context in a couple days! But also, the fact B&N has a section dedicated to "well he may be a ten buuuuut" and included my current crime of "he's blonde" is like. Dang. Called out.
Didn't help I saw this with a guy and I said "oh no, my blonde enjoyer crimes called out!" and he said "better than redheads" and I'm like. "Sir, I have to inform you of my previous crime." and he was not pleased as he said "Fish... why....."
#moe talks a lot#not art#this will be much more relevant to my art in a couple days but just know#that ive had a field day staring at these and noticing unintentional bullshit#such as ! note how they are all kinda average writing size OR p big except for the tail one#which is kinda small and i feel like the person who wrote it is like this is the opposite of a '10 but -' ... thats a plus...#but then you also have all of them starting off lower case EXCEPT He's a man-child#oh absolutely gotta cater to the man-childs esteem and capitalize that one#this might be incredibly funny to me but i am not letting it be rebloggable im so sorry#also i like how he calls me fish in public bc despite having known me since 4th grade#he got in the habit during our ffxiv days during skype calls with someone in another state#so instead of using my in game name of Tuna vs my actual skype name Salmon#hes like fuck it we ball with just Fish#so i am fish to him and it carries over irl when we hang out which is rare but still#this is the same guy who was on the phone with his wife while we were wandering around and he just#watches me walk off with a very serious determination and i hear him say#hold on babe fish just walked over to a makeup store and is staring#so he walks over and asks me whats up and i point to a shelf and say dude#and he looks where im pointing and asks his wife#hey honey do you want main character energy? fish found some lipstick for that#and i hear her over the phone saying what very flatly#and he had to explain that there was a shelf advertising main character energy in sephora#his wife said no which is fair (they were also closed lol)#also the same guy i beat up on accident who lied to his football coach about why he had such fucked up shins#bc he knew his coach liked me as a very kind and quiet and obedient student#and my buddy was like i cant tell him you kicked me so much i bled...#and i just ????????????? hey what you never mentioned bleeding to me? dude? you KEPT MAKING SHORT JOKES#KNOWING ID KICK YOU IN THE SHINS? you never thought to say maybe stop that or maybe just stop picking on me#anyway yeah this guy and i have been through some weird times and most of them are my fault
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got my ears pierced
#one step closer to being link…#cant wear my little blue hoops yet…… soon……….#piercer was so cool. i was like im kindof moderately anxious#and he went dude as long as you dont hit me or kick me we’re good#and he explained the whole process to me and was like you got this youll be fine#i went ‘im assuming it hurts’ and he said ‘well it doesn’t feel great’#i think i was too hopped up on adrenaline to actually feel the pain because it just felt really weird#but now.. link earrings….. in a month once theyve healed
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🐰🕸🌙
#i have so many behaviours and fears and#no emotional regulation and issues and disorders and fearrrrr#and i do not know how to explain it so that ppl who dont relate can possibly understand it#but it is like i am trapped in a nightmare dimension where everything is always bad#my brain isnt even wired to see anything in a positive or hopeful light#which is how humans are wired typically to ensure survival lol#in swedish avpd is also called anxious personality disorder#which can clue in on the fact that if you know what a personality disorder is#(your brain hasnt developed normally but in a disordered way. often bc of trauma etc)#my brain is wired to be anxious abt wverything all the time#so i always naturally see everything in a negative and dark and bad and horrible light#which is fucking terrible. it makes life exhausting and like a constant fight#other ppl dont get that bc their brains arent wired to have this horrible outlook on EVERYTHING#so thid just gives me extreme trust issues and my brain always fights to make sense of things#bc it cannot do so in a rational manner#and basically i just feel so ashamed when i think of how like... overly emotional and fearful i am#as soon as anything happens im like wow this person literally wants to kill me bc humans are evil#which i know intellectually isnt tru bc if it was i'd be dead by now 💀#ig i just feel so lucky that one person still is my friend after almost 2yrs now#despite my whateverthefuck moments when idek what im saying..#'working thru my emotions' in a way that doesnt make sense#esp when hes seen some of what i've written and im like NOOO i was spiraling when i said that i dont mean that i think most likely i dont#anyway.. feeling grateful 🙏 i wish i was normal#or at least had th ability to have connections and relationships most ppl w mental illness are still capable of having#avpd is fucked upppp it is such a weird mental disability.... 0-o#bc of my fear i also struggle with relaxing into it bc im like no imma fuck it up soon or no hes gonna leave me soon bc i suck and dont#deserve having him in my life at all. i really wish my brain wasnt wired to be terrified like i hate my brain and myself like why cant#i just be normal!!!!!! ☹️ i am thankful for every moment still.
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tonight's little doodles
#doodle#lcb#meursault lcb#meurgreg#im trying to be less self conscious about making meurgreg or any ship art really#twt has exposed me to everyone having an opinion on every ship ever#which has made me back away from making too much art of any one ship#i know meurgreg is one of the most popular ships but because of that i also feel an odd sense of guilt#i cant explain it like i should use my art to contribute to a rare pair or smth idk#its all a bit weird and irrational#but ive realized i have not been able to make art for myself for months#every idea i have and everything i go forward to draw im always thinking about how others will feel about it#and how i can make it better fit or adequate for an audience so i dont let them down or bore them#and that mindset has made art so much of a chore that ive significantly slowed down so much on art at all#so idk#trying to stop overthinking and just draw what i feel to the extent that i feel#escape the perfectionism and wanting to please everyone as much as possible#to elaborate on the weird meurgreg feeling i guess its like#i feel guilty for filling tags even more with an already popular ship & making mutuals who dont like meurgreg see it more#but its just not that deep#people can mute meurgreg and thats just not my problem anyway#sry ab these tags!
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i love being autistic cause sometimes i get a glimpse into how regular people perceive things and its like. what the fuck. what the fuck is that? you live like this? and its normal?? i think YOURE the weird one actually. im fine. thanks though.
#THERES SO MANY WEIRD RULES#LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION TO HOW SOMEONE WALKS LIKE HUH????? WHY????????????#can someone fucking explain the dude head nod thing to me why do we do that. whats that about. ive never seen anyone do that irl before#is that an american thing or do i just hang around too many afab people#i am learning the intricacies of cis people gender rules and i am. what fucking planet have i been on the last 17 years like what is this#was there some like. rulebook they handed out at somepoint they forgot to give to me or something#“best way to learn is to observe the men around you” OBSERVE WHAT. YOU PEOPLE PAY THAT MUCH ATTENTION TO EVERY LITTLE MOVEMENT????#bruh i can barely make eye contact w people...#my ass has never intentionally copied someones mannerisms ever.#i do it subconsciously. but doing it actively feels weird and wrong and like im breaking someones boundaries#“men dont smile at people.” well they should.#ive decided cishet men are the most boring people on the planet#“dont move with your hands” YOURE BREAKING MY POOR THEATER KID HEART#i need to meet more gay men irl to absorb the vibe of cause i only know like two. not counting myself#i want people to look at me and go. ah yes. fruit.#at this point im just going to accept being misgendered for the rest of eternity. id rather die than be boring in the way cishet men are#my flavor of being trans is so influenced by my autism cause my perception of genders is completely off from what everyone else is doing#im like. yeah i want to be a man. and then i look at what the majority of men are actually like and its like. wait no. not like that#shoutout to flamboyant gay men where would i be without them#i think the thing that bothers me the most is that like#in my mind peoples genders are just. the way they express themselves.#its not like. this super big complex deal like how everyone else treats it. if that makes sense? like.#regular people have so many rules for what counts as a man or what counts as a woman or what counts as neither and its like???#you can do what you want???? why do we care????#and ive been doing this since i was little. on account of the autism#i just. dont get why its such a big deal to people.#i cant wrap my head around it at all#not nonbinary not a girl not aegender not a man but a secret fourth thing#(man but i do it my way instead of everyone elses way)#unfortunately doing it my way just. leads to the misgendering dimension. for some reason
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by the power of modern day AU, I am delighted to announce that Fulj can have a girlfriend ! I haven't named her yet but have a few in mind so ... soon (TM). She is the one that she loved in canon before the whole memory wipe and as you can see, penchant for black, black hair, brown eyes, and prone to weird statements. Perfect balance to Deacon's weird questions.
HOWEVER ! I mentioned the problem of Deacon still having facial blindness to someone and how there is no glow from the deities for him to identify them. And her solution is the funniest thing ever so I have to do it. He identifies people by smell. So when he is in the same room as Ymber and Oh when they first cross paths, he doesn't really think about it. But later when he sees Ymber alone and gets the same kinda scent, same cologne or something, he knows that's not the taller guy therefore that's his scent ! Perfect!
So... unfortunately.... Deacon really can't beat the weirdness allegations in AUs...... he's stuck like that. Fulj has referred to him as a guard dog in canon and now he's a tracking dog. RIP to him.
(and because Deacon gets my facial blindness I am giving Fulj's girlfriend ANOTHER trait of mine I wouldn't wish on anyone because it's also really funny. She can't smell. She can taste ! She just can't smell. So she loves talking to Deacon because he explains smells as foods for her to get the vibe across. Which are REALLY weird conversations no one else wants to hear.)
#the daily life of a deity sucks#modern deities and their weird lives#im gonna actually make that the tag#also The Girlfriends live together and so they have the same kinda scent to Deacon but even if he only has one around#he can pick them out which weirds Fulj out even more until hes like#but if I smell you and there is no greeting its you and if I do get a greeting its the other#and Fulj is just baffled that THATs the tell ... flipping greetings#also since Oh is just one person in the AU since they were never split to two#they are delighted by the funny scent tracking and is just SO happy to tell Deacon and Ymber#Hey Ym I need to borrow your boyfriend so he can pick out a nice cologne for me so he knows its me#and Ymber is like weird but okay whatever you want if hes ok with it#and Deacon is too ??? over being referred to as Ymbers boyfriend and not having it outright denied so he agrees in a daze#to go help pick out their cologne and just question his life at this point#because he cant not be weird he has to go above and beyond while explaining how a cherry smell tastes#and everyone except the girlfriend who hears it is just... kinda.... weirded out by how he describes things#while the gf is absolutely delighted to have such descriptions#Fulj is just ... i love you babe but hes so weird how do you do it#and everyone else except deacon is just whispering to each other about who has to break it to Fulj#that her gf and Deacon are basically the exact same levels of weird and no one wants to because she will get so defensive#the gf just wants to dress deacon up like a goth or emo and he doesnt really know how to interpret the interest in his clothing#and just they are so precious and never woulda met in canon even if Fulj didnt have her wiped from her memory#she was alive centuries ago
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