#i cant explain it but it makes perfect sense TRUST ME

[mirkwood]

Sam Hazeldine voicing melkor in s3 is not a want it's a NEED. imagine the possibilities.

[gatorbites-imagines]

Hello! First of all I wanted to say that damn I love your fics, they give me so much gender euphoria and are so validating. Second, I understand if you feel unconfortable with this request but how do you think Homelander would react to reader's self harm scars? Since he's basically a god, I wouldn't be suprised by how a "fragile little creature" like a human could do this and why.

John Gillman/Homelander x male reader

Headcanons

idk why i chose this gif, he just looks so cute here.

I ignore how in canon hed probably be a horrible guy about it. I am a firm fanon believer.

In the beginning I don’t even really think John would register that his lover has self-harm scars, since it’s never something he’s thought about himself. I imagine he’s had self-harming thoughts before sure, but never cutting himself since nothing can cut through him.

Hes probably tried to hurt himself one way or another, since he isn’t really the best place mentally, or when he thinks he isn’t doing good enough and whatnot.

But at first it doesn’t really click for him, since he’s so unused to seeing scars since he has none himself. It would probably take John longer than he would like to admit for it all to make sense, and it would be after you got comfortable enough to go around in short sleeves.

Maybe you think he’s just always known, since he’s got x-ray vision and all that, so he must have known from the beginning, right? And he just never said anything about it. yeah, not really.

He will act like that’s how it all went, because there’s no way Johns gonna admit that he didn’t notice something so important, no matter if they are old or fresh. If they’re fresh, John would build a habit of checking on you every time he sees you, just in case, you know?

He might still do this, even if they are old and you haven’t done it in a long time. Because who knows, maybe things become so stressful that you need that outlet again.

Shamefully, to John at least, the hero would find himself going online to check it out. Hes got no training in mental illness or how to deal with that, which messes with him since he’s supposed to be perfect.

So he finds himself on different forums, from both people who have done it, and partners of people who have self-harmed, reading into how they deal with it or react. John being, well, John, would probably grow annoyed because its all types of emotionally vulnerable stuff, something he’s horrible at.

There is also little chance he would bring it up, at least in the beginning. Again, because it’s a new ground he’s never been on, and its an emotional conversation he can’t figure out how to navigate.

The conversation would end up coming up as you two are cuddling, and John finds himself carefully stroking the area with the scars, trying to comprehend why and how you would do that. What did you go through? There might also be some guilt, since he couldn’t save you from whatever made you self-harm, even if you guys didn’t even know each other at the time.

It would end up with you explaining it to him, since you guys are in a relationship and its all built on trust, right? And he’s been so chill about it this entire time, so why not tell him.

You almost get a heart attack when he starts getting glossy eyes and his bottom lip wobbles just a little, because John has been stressed about this since he figured it out, and he just doesn’t know how to react or what to do.

In the end its you that has to comfort him, and explain that it isn’t a big deal and nothing to cry about. But you also know it’s a new experience for John. Theres also some fear in John, since seeing your scars make your morality so clear. If you could get scars from that, imagine what others could do to you.

After some cuddling and comforting, John would tell you strictly to never do it again. You cant take him seriously though, since his usually styled hair is all mused and his eyes are pink around the edges, and, he’s pouting again.

You promise not too though, since it gets him to smile a little and cuddle you again, clinging to you as hard as he dares with his super strength. You make him vulnerable, and the Homelander part of him doesn’t like that, but the John part of him basks in it, at how human you make him feel.

Maybe hed even let slip that he had thoughts like that too, even if he couldn’t cut or burn himself like you could. That just means his self-harm shone through in more mental or extreme ways.

John builds a habit of brushing his fingers or kisses over your scars, not just the self-harm ones, but all of them. Its part to remind himself that you are so fragile, but also to remind him that you are alive and there with him.

He won’t admit this though, since its cheesy. And he grows embarrassed if you ever bring it up, making him grumble and walk away to pout. It never lasts, and he’s back not long after.

[penkura]

Special [2/2]

Note: Second part from this request here! Sorry it took so long, I've been burnt out and just struggling to get things out lately. I'll have an update post later today, I think.

Sanji really does feel awful when he realizes what’s going on with you, why you walked away and said you wouldn’t bother anymore. He hates how he’s made you feel, without even realizing it, but he never expected you would actually like him back. He’d resigned himself to the fact that, in his mind, you didn’t have any feelings for him nor would you ever. He’s used to it but for some reason it hit harder when he thought it was you that would reject him.

So he never said anything. He treated you normally, as normally as he could when he thought you were so perfect, but it seems like he's made a mistake. He’s made you think there’s something wrong with the way you look, when it couldn’t be farther from the truth. Nami has heard it so much from him she’s started rolling her eyes while Sanji nearly cries to her about how much he adores you.

No, how much he loves you. He’s not told anyone else, only Nami, making her concern3d the moment she notices you avoiding and ignoring him. Once she gets Sanji to tell her what happened, she’s so close to smacking him upside the head for being so stupid.

“Of course she’s upset, you’re an idiot!”

Nami spends the better part of her afternoon berating Sanji, who cant even argue with her and just nods in agreement to everything she says. She stops him before he can even ask for ideas on what to do so he can make it up to you.

“No, you’re doing that yourself this time.”

It takes him most of the day to decide what he could do, what he could say, so it surprises you when he finally shows up after dinner that evening. He’s not looking you in the eyes, but he has your favorite flowers with him, it makes your heart ache a bit, believing he’s done this to every girl he’s ever upset in the past so you don’t move to take the flowers. You’re trying to stop your feelings, he's making it so hard though.

“Sanji—”

“[Y/N], I’m so sorry I made you feel like you aren’t special to me. I…it’s no excuse, but I didn’t think you’d ever have feelings for me like I do for you so I was trying to distract myself from you,” it starts to make sense, but you still don’t move, you’re not entirely sure you can trust him, “If you never forgive me I deserve it, but…can you give me a second chance? No, that’s not right…let me have the chance to make it up to you, and prove you’re so much more than to me than you think you are.”

You’re both quiet for a few moments, Sanji believes you’re completely done with him while you think it through.

A conflict between crewmates over something is always a possibility, but when it’s due to romantic feelings it feels weirdly worse to you. It feels like you’re letting it take over everything, but you’ve had these feelings for so long that you aren’t sure they’ll ever go away, even if you are trying to stop it. You still want to be his friend if nothing else, though it almost seems like he may want something more.

That’s something to discuss later.

Sanji starts to feel like things will get better when you reach out and take the flowers, not looking at him even when he looks up at you.

“…you can make my favorite dessert to start…and explain yourself better.”

The grin on his face makes you smile just a little bit in return, as Sanji nods and takes your hand to bring you to the kitchen.

“I’ll start right away while you put those in water! I’ll make you whatever drink you want too!”

“That sounds nice, Sanji…”

Before you get too much farther, Sanji stops and pulls you into a hug that you return.

“I’m sorry I made you feel like you weren’t special to me…you mean more to me than anyone else in the world.” You’re going to choose to believe him, especially when Sanji goes the extra mile to make sure you know how much he loves you.

[anypaints]

EXPLANATION ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

This is the way I see their relationship, and now I'm going to tell you, what I meant by these symbols

1) Bow and arrow – these two things that can not exist without each other. Let me explain: The bow gives the direction to the arrow, and without it bow can be VERY DANGEROUS if you try to use it. In addition, arrow (more or less) will do its functions, but not effectively. The best part when they work together! As for me, I see that Flame Face as an arrow because he is perfect at fighting (I judge by the game), and Laure as the bow, cause at the 7th episode she trusted and supported him, just like bow helps an arrow.

2) Day and night – two opposites, that are meaningless without each other. We won’t be able to understand the day’s warm until we fell cold of the night. Laure is the day, the sun, because I see her like a warm light that shows right, true way. Flame Face is the night, cause even though he is FLAME he is SO cold inside, just like moon, and the Sun makes him feel warm.

3) The apple tree and gardener – the 7th and 9th episodes showed growing relationships between them: Laure trusted Flame Face, so he rescued her even though they quarreled. Laure stopped doubting him and started helping him, like the gardener, who started caring for the apple tree. Every action has a consequences, so this apple tree gives its fruits to the gardener as a token gratitude for gardener’s care, exactly like Flame Face, went to the ‘King’ to save Laure.

4) Life and Death – Flame Face is literally death, cause he wanted to die ALL the time, while Laure is life, who gave a sense to live. Really, before meeting Laure, Flame Face didn’t have any sense to live: he didn’t know who he is, why he is here. The idea to die is simply ingrained in his head, so when he met Laure (Life) he still wanted to die. BUT they spend some time together and became good friends, so the meaning of life has appeared!

Its not bad! I cant say that it is MASTERPICE, but I really enjoed watching this show, I wished to see more. It could be better, but for me, it is already good. I like vibe, atmosphere of the show, its so simpl, and it makes me make art. So, I hope, that you enjoyed watching this video:)

In conclusion about the serial:

Thank you!

[sloshys]

HI I WAS THE FIRST ANON AND YOURE SO FUCKING RIGHT. GOD.

I just think that Daan has this kinda like. Need to be towered over? I think thats why he interacts with the people who are kinda cold/uncaring/powerful most. I mean. He's found himself almost in every aspect of his life in a position where someone was constantly telling him what to do, and I feel like strong characters (like O'saa or karin) kinda fill that niche of "I need someone to boss me around and tell me what to do because I've lived my life at others whims and while I can hold my own for a good bit after a while I'm not sure what to do but asking for help would be too vulnerable so having someone be a higher up towards me gives me a sense of security but i will also kinda be a little shit about it so it doesnt seem so vulnerable" and with O'saa he's super blunt. Very much "I will do things my way wether you like it or not and you will follow my lead or get out my way." and I mean, hell he was a leader! He very much outwardly has control and leadership tendencies, even if inside he doesn't feel like he can ever truly fit the bill. Which is what Daan is looking for yknow? And O'saa, i just kinda think for O'saa its one of those things of he cant for the life of him figure out why he likes him so much, but then Daan starts talking to him about scholarly topics and they have discussions of religion, medicine, science, war, and other things and theres this draw of Daan's Intellegence paired with this strange need of "i want to see him happy, because his whole life hes been miserable and part of it reminds me of me and if i cant be happy then perhaps i can make someone else happy to fill the void" (touching on the whole joking between the two) but being as O'saa has an enlightened soul, i feel like he would be incredibly interested in what Daan has to say. If the two ever got the chance i feel theyd definitely debate between eachother. Imagine that one reaction meme image of the two scholars talking to eachother. Thats them i think. I feel like the two compliment eachother but in a way of like. They fill a niche the other is searching for. Neither are good with words, much less pda, but alone? I feel like if there ever was time alone in a different time in a different place their intimacy would be intense, passionate, and wordless. Nothing would really need to be said, just intimacy, a smoke on the balcony, and dinner in a perfect world. Other people may find their relationship seemingly loveless, but they just couldn't understand the wordless display of trust, of closeness, and of tenderness. How could they? The two have only ever really been truly vulnerable with the other, and I feel if conflict was to arise, they may argue, take a heated break, and then come back with a wordless apology and cook for eachother. Acts of service, cooking, and gift giving i feel would be something that again, if given the chance, the two would indulge in regularly. I feel if O'saa was being particularly sappy he'd maybe get Daan some expensive alcohol he'd been eyeing. As for Daan, I feel he'd get O'saa a nice clothing piece the other had been admiring. But that's in a life they'd never get, I suppose... sorry for rambling in your inbox, I care for them dearly PFT

Anon rn:

BUT FR LIKE IM SOSO GLAD TO RECIEVE THIS RESPONSE BC YOU EXPLAINED SO WELL WHAT I WAS THINKING

I put my thoughts down there i hope i was able to cover everything

Im going to start off in a daan analysis tangent real quick

Daan has been neglected by his cultist parents ever since he was a baby. He probably never got the proper feeling of security or personal growth as a child because he was always living to survive. Which worsened even more after the death of his parents, and was doomed to child labour very young. Im sure he never got to properly play or express himself as a kid until he got closer to Elise. But The only thing about himself he found worth talking about were his insane cultist parents. His life at the Baron’s mansion was everything he had, as were his studies of modern medicine. That's why he feels attracted to powerful and determined people like O'saa and Karin (and Marcoh too, I believe), who seem to know exactly what their own goals are and think they still have control over what is happening. Despite trying to do things on his own, he still craves company. He also wants to protect the younger ones, like Levi and Marina, because his ass is projecting! But the sad thing is that Daan can't be too dependent on these people and doesn't want to share too much of his past with them because it's very traumatic for him.

If the discussion had taken place, I think O’saa would have been very interested in Daan and his upbringing. Daan never followed the religions and cults of Europa and is aware of their danger. He prays to Sylvian not as an act of worship but to help those who are sick. He also ran away from Pocketcat his whole life and never wanted to give himself to him until depression hit him harder than before. This makes Daan rational, smart, and inquisitive. Which seem to be attractive traits for someone who possesses an enlightened soul.

TOTALLY AGREE ALSO ABOUT THESE TWO HAVING BIG BRAINED DISCUSSIONS O'saa proves himself to be a good listener to others feelings in the booth; Daan can be a very open-minded person; and they both have similar views about the use of magic. I agree that the way they show affection is when they’re both very intimate with each other. O’saa does not trust people lightly because, in his case, his greatest fear is manipulation due to the fact that his country is being invaded and controlled by Europa's religions, wars, and cults. So he only ever relied on himself, which is why he chose to be a yellow mage. I imagine it might take a great deal of time and trust for him to share his vulnerability and feelings with Daan. But they seem to both crave social interaction since they're both lonely at heart, so there might be a chance (we’re winning, girlies!). Either way, I agree with sappy O'saa, that's such an adorable concept and somehow fitting since he finds his own jokes funny. I hc that he’s very genuine when he talks about his emotions, and no matter how embarrassing they are, he always says them with a straight face. But Daan is so sappy too. They would write each other love letters; you cannot tell me otherwise.

Also, I thought of an ending for these two surviving the festival: Daan confessing to O’saa that he doesn’t have anything that waits for him and O’saa noticing the true meaning of those words. He feels a tinge of sympathy because Daan has lost everything to war and religion, and he can't bear to see him give up after surviving the gruesome festival. So O’saa proposes to make a deal to be his personal doctor because he plans to travel dangerously, defy the authority in his country to establish his own teachings, and rise to the top. Since Daan doesn’t have anything to lose, he agrees to it. I think that it is during those travels that they will slowly fall for each other. They might also find some closure on their pasts during those trips.

[monochrome-stars]

SPOILERS THE ENTIRETY OF IN STARS AND TIME FOR THIS RAMBLE. im covering acts 1-6 so theres your warning now but the ramble is under the cut. fair warning, may not make much sense either

ok trust me on this. this song right here makes me think of siffrin because of the isat brainrot but IT WORKS. AND IT FITS SO WELL AND LET ME TELL YOU WHY

(this is also my interpretation of it and how i understand the song and link it to the thoughts and ideas in my head. im also picking out certain lyrics because its easier to explain, so i would recommend listening to the song for the full thing)

"And I placed my palm upon your collarbone, and I wished to fall asleep deep in your marrow."

siffrin craves closeness with the rest of the party and in the memory of bad touch and the garden room, for example, its clear that they have no clue how to ask for it, and their way of getting that closeness can be odd or just plain weird. like how the song says that "they wish to fall asleep in their marrow", its a very odd way of achieving closeness with somebody, almost like trying to melt into them. (this may be far fetched but it makes sense to me stick with me here)

"There's a hunger under my skin and its gripping at my bones. There's a hunger like a lions and its ripping right through my bones."

its that feeling of hunger that is mentioned over and over again starting at the beginning of act 2 leading all the way into the end of act 5 that siffrin feels and just cant get rid of

"I'm as calm as a baby lamb that is being led. I'm as blue as blood before the blood goes red."

since finding out about the loops, siffrin just accepts the fact that they wont stay dead when theyre killed, and they use it as a way to delete their mistakes. hes incredibly calm about touching tears, about slipping on the banana peel, about using the dagger, all of it. siffrin gets so used to the depression hes falled into and just feels bad all the time. the glass shard that siffrin repeatedly keeps cutting their finger on, and later in act 5, the same glass shard they use to carve stars into their skin. and it ties with the red that continues to pop up throughout the game.

"And how it hurts even in the sun. Its a goddamn joke how we can hurt even in the sun."

everything is fine from everyone elses perspective and theyre completely oblivious to the fact that siffrin is looping through time, spending actual weeks in a hellscape of their own making. hes dying repeatedly and nobody else is aware that this is happening and theyre all blissfully ignorant

"For a heart beats the best in a bed beside the one that it loves."

isabeau refuses to confess his love for siffrin, and siffrin refuses to admit that they crave touch, and yet, both sides love the other unconditionally. (not to mention they literally sleep next to each other every night.)

"Yes, a heart beats the best when in a head, death becomes irrelevant."

after a while, siffrin has become so used to death and dying that it doesnt even matter to him anymore. killing themself is just another necessary evil they have to face in order to get to the end, have the "perfect" loop, and find answers. since they found out they could loop, it has stuck itself in siffrin's mind that "oh i can just erase all my mistakes and start over again" without so much as blinking at the fact that it means dying repeatedly.

"Cause if you're dreaming about dying, then you're not really living, darling."

siffrins entire existence starts to revolve around the dying, the loops, and escaping them. he cant even be happy with the rest of his party because of how terrified he is of messing up. theyre practically conditioning themself to loop at any mistake they make, and they harshly berate themself for it too.

after doing the friendquests a couple times as well, siffrin has those thoughts of "your friends would hate you if they knew why you were doing this" and "if you mess it up, you can just loop back and try again". siffrin stops even paying attention to the present and is so anxious about getting the "perfect loop" that he isnt even concerned about the present but rather the outcome. i think that is ultimately what went wrong with the attempted friendquests in act 5 as well.

"You've gotta be starving, you've gotta be starving for it."

again with that hunger that cant be satisfied with anything. as the game progresses, siffrins thoughts surrounding the snacks and the food always come back to how hungry he is and how its just never enough. it keeps coming back and siffrin is literally starving during the game and it gets especially bad in acts 3-5

"And if you're crying by the moon, in the sun you better lift up that chin."

siffrin was so depressed for the entire game, but then after act 5, its like the sun rises again and they can finally escape the loops and understand that the rest of the party loves them. he doesnt have to bottle it all up until it becomes too much and he can actually begin to enjoy life again after the loops end.

"You've gotta be starving, you've gotta be starving for it."

everything is over, and siffrin can finally rid themself of those feelings of hunger. the feeling is replaced with a want for love and siffrin is finally opening up and letting themself be taken care of by their friends family after all that they went through. the raw emotion in the singers voice when she sings these lyrics also feels very fitting for this

if i could animate, i would definitely make an animatic of this song and the characters to show what i mean because it makes more sense in my mind. i have so many ideas in my head in regards to this song specifically and its infesting my brain

im debating whether or not i should actually post this because its a bit confusing and strange but fuck it we ball

[sleepysandy]

some thoughts on acftl

just finished an hour ago and i need to vent (spoiler heavy and pretty long)

stuff i liked

apollo pov

unpopular opinion but i do like the idea of an apollo pov. i think it makes sense since there are some plot points that can only be revealed through apollo. however i think the execution could be better.

at first i liked hearing about his messed up thought process and daddy issues but at some point it became repetitive. it all became about keeping evangeline captive and killing jacks which made it obvious he was just obsessed, not loved, with evangeline. i can't decide if i like it bcs it was a sorta parallel to jack and donatella but also made the reveal at the end kinda obvious.

i also expected some sibling angst?? like the brother plot was just brushed off when they were pretty close until they had a falling out then when the brother came back he poisoned him?? i cant remember but the brother tortured him too i think?? the whole anti valor arc group was never brought up again too like...

2. evajacks

they didnt have a lot of scenes together but those scenes were *chefs kiss* i also liked their development. evangeline is jaded from everything going on, she did learn to not be so trusting and really think for herself what she wants. i liked how she didnt lose a lot of her hope and optimism too.

i disagree with reviews saying that jacks wasnt good in this book since he was so different. i think that was a testament on how eva's death really affected him. i actually wasnt convinced that jacks had feelings for eva until she died in tbona so seeing how jacks so despondent and serious in acftl cemented his feelings in my mind. i feel like people would buy jacks' characterization if there were flashbacks to his past and more povs.

stuff i didnt like, its mainly about how many plot points from the previous books werent mentioned at all

i wish they used the previous characters more

kristof knightlinger was kinda hyped in the beginning, like where did he go?? i wished he and eva had at least one together that would plant doubt in eva that apollo was this perfect prince. (i kinda had a problem with the whole memories thing in general, more on that later)

i also thought that the old librarian would be important lol

i wished luc was in the book too :((( eva lost a quite a bit of her pre-north memories so luc wouldve been perfect to bring those memories back since eva did say that luc had been there for her when her dad died. also he couldve mentioned something about marisol since he wouldve been the only one in valorfell in tbona i think.

i wish lala's feelings for dane were explained more. like does she have commitment issues, does she not feel real love anymore since shes a fate, is there something going on with chaos/castor??? i wanna see more of her relationships with the other valors too but i do acknowledge that including all that is too much for a side character

chaos/castor and jacks angst!!!!! the eva and castor interactions were good but like jacks said he became a fate for castor (which is a good insight into jacks character) but i wanted to see how they interacted after castor killed eva. like your have a friend who you kinda cursed to be an immortal so you then become immortal then your friend then kills the love of your life like..... i need to see how that went down. but also your friend's crazy sister is obsessed with you??? to the point that she also curses you??? like give me friendship angst!!!!!! (speaking of, why did lala agree to be a fate too...) (also what happened to the real chaos fate??)

3. jacks past

to jump off the last point, like where were the flashbacks???? i think jacks being serious this book would make a lot more sense for more people if scenes of his friends dying in like one day and the first fox dying from the curse were shown in the book. show how much jacks blames himself with the deaths of his loved ones, thats why he was so desperate to keep eva alive.

4. jacks pov

kinda related but i feel like jacks pov was underutilized. his povs were super short and didnt reveal much about what he was doing away from eva. in contrast to apollos pov where it was shown how he was manipulating eva and the public about jacks but also his relationship wtih the valor family. wished we couldve seen how he uses the scar to know where eva is and he follows her around.

i woudve loved to see more pining from his end too

also i dont think it was ever explained how they have the telepathic link???? and why eva was immune to his powers??? was it love at first sight? it was mentioned how he watched her from the start but was it love??

5. evas family

what was evas dad's secret shop??? like are not supposed to find out?? the clothes shop was even featured in caraval but not here?? also did the mom know about the prophecy?? were the fox and key motifs on her clothes supposed to be a coincidence or bcs of how much she liked the story as a kid?? that would explain the foxes but not the keys...

i kinda wish that eva discovered something about her mom's life in the north. give her more connection to her family and maybe reveal more of her prophecy

6. memory stuff

getting majority of the memories all at once was meh for me. i wish that each side character revealed/triggered memories for eva. like luc could trigger memories about her life in valenda, kristoff for coming to north and becoming apollo's fiance then wife, lala for her curses and apollo hunting her, chaos for the stones and arc stuff so that evas letter to herself revealing her and jacks relationship could be a final piece of the puzzle.

i do like the fact that jacks kept the letter for himself and eva reading the letter didnt make her distrust jacks but bring her memories back.

7. breaking the curse

so did evas love break the curse?? i kinda thought it was leaning towards jacks love that could break the curse since it was mentioned in tbona that jacks doesnt know if he actually loved the fox but there was no big declaration of love from him.... im just confused, happy but confused

i did like the fact that the curse was 'wrong' that it was never about jacks true love but someone who could never love him. altho i have no idea how eva broke that curse and if that means donatella survived that bcs she would never love jacks

so when jacks admitted that he loved eva, did he turn human?? was that why the curse broke???

also the bells werent as important i guess?? i totally thought the bell stuff was gonna come back....

also what was all that about how eva was like the first fox??? i thought while reading that aurora misinterpreted the vision "he'll fall in live with a Fox" that jacks will fall in love a fox girl but in reality a capital f Fox but castor said in tbona that she was similar to the first fox and eva said that the little fox nickname was familiar.....

anyway thats it for now, after i reread my notes from the three books i might add to this. overall, i think the book was ok, but definitely not enough to be an finale especially for a 5 book arc for jacks. i think the book shouldve been a whole lot longer but i kinda feel like garber wanted the length to be similar to the previous books so the end felt pretty rushed. i kinda feel bad that i had more dislikes than likes when i rlly loved the first 2 books so this was so..... i think there were a lot of good ideas but the execution was not it i guess

VERY MUCH DISAPPOINTED THAT JACKS DID NOT SHOOT A SINGLE ARROW

i do get that this is a romance focused trilogy, not a fantasy so you could argue that plot points and lore shouldnt be looked into as much but the relationship and character development of evajacks could be better too... imo it's mostly jacks character that was lacking

also this did feel like a build up for an apollo book but garber said she wont write for this universe for a while so ??? kinda disappointed if there will be an apollo book bcs the amount of apollo chapters screwed jacks over but in the caraval series, the ending focused on the actual main characters at least and not so much on jacks.

[crazy-fangirl2524]

Why all for the game series got us all so hooked

An attempt at combining everything I’ve read on tumblr and recent (re)discovery I have from rereading the books for the fourth time:

We all know it’s the characters. But why? Yeah they are real and raw and resonant with us. Neil and Andrew and Kevin and foxes story captivated us. Let’s start with Neil:

Neil Josten. A runaway that stated so many times how alone and lonely he is. How he is a nobody. He insisted on all that and couldn’t care more or less for his teammates throughout the first book. But his character development is astounding. We can see him actually choosing to stay in the end of the first book. When he decided to strike a deal with Andrew who he didn’t trust at all to stay. He rationalised it at Andrew letting him stay because Andrew was the main antagonist throughout the first book even though we have been hinted throughout the book that the real threat to Neil’s life is his father. So he deal with the easier one first.

Then in the second book, we can see glimpse of how he is becoming “real” and how his teammates treat him as a friend but he didn’t even realise and in just less than half a year he managed to have friends and by the end of the second book he is literally willing to die for them. He cares for them. His teammates care for him. And most importantly andrew.

Yeah Andrew is the main focus and let’s just say all of us were as shocked as Neil at his confession in the third book (unless we all knew from the start but) even after reading the books multiple times. It is actually not that obvious that Andrew likes Neil. Because neil himself didn’t notice.

Here is a sidetracked paragraph about the narration. The narration is flawless. The pov is strictly neil and it is so neil that all he cares about is exy and survival and so that’s all we cared about in the first book. But as his priorities shift in the second book. We begin to care for the others too. He doesn’t waste his time describing the setting of places or cloths or people. There are barely any descriptions except for the court and during the exy games. Until the third book when neil begin describing Andrew when he realised his feelings. The narration got us hooked from the start when he didn’t even tell us his real name until riko said it. And the narration allow us to feel his fear and confusion and apathy and did it so seamlessly that we can’t help but fall in love with exy as neil did and slowly for Andrew and the foxes and of course neil himself.

People talked about the plot holes and ridiculous plot of yakuza and a fake sport and shit but is the plot really that ridiculous? There are books about faeries and vampires and romances where it literally would never happen in real life and people want to argue that a make up sport and yakuza is plot holes??? The fast pace plot itself is what got me hooked first and not the characters (but the characters are what made me stay) the pacing and narration is perfect and I don’t know why people cant see it. Everything make sense and it is all possible just because it’s not the usual thing that is written in books and do I have to remind you all this is an entirely fictional series??

Now onto Andrew. Andrew minyard is first presented as the antagonist and one of the threats and then into a teammate Neil valued and then suddenly boom he is the freaking love interest. We were as shock as Neil at first but rereading for the nth time it is so obvious from the way neil can understand Andrew whereas even his family and those closest to him couldn’t. Not for the lack of trying though (yes they all tried, just maybe not hard enough but I’ll say it is also because it’s impossible for them)

Andrew minyard is impossible. He didn’t let anyone in. He doesn’t explain himself at all or anything or his actions. Neil josten is just smart enough and on the same wave length as him. Nicky and Aaron and Kevin and the rest of the foxes couldn’t understand Andrew because they don’t think like him. Neil josten came to the conclusion that Andrew killed his mother for Aaron because he cared for him. Nicky cannot because he could never kill anyone so he cannot imagine why Andrew will do it for someone even though it’s his brother and to his mother of all people. Neil understand because he understand how Andrew works. Yes you can argue others can try harder and try to ask but will you still ask if you never get straight answers? Why is it only renee ever got close with Andrew? Because renee is the same as Andrew and she understands. No of course I’m not blaming Andrew for not explaining himself because god knows he doesn’t have to to people that he know won’t understand him. But I’m also not going to blame the people that doesn’t understand him. Yes we can say the foxes are wrong for always calling Andrew soulless and a monster but what else are they suppose to do? They see Andrew as violent and Andrew never bothered to correct them and Andrew is violent but they just cannot see the reasoning behind it.

Andrew minyard has been through so much and after the foxes realised just what he had been through (they don’t even know about his childhood only know about drake they don’t know it was since seven years old they don’t know it’s more than one person) they begin to understand his boundaries more and that’s when they get closer.

Andrew minyard is so strong for surviving all that. Imagine since a baby, since you are seven. It’s a miracle that he hasn’t killed more people or killed himself. It makes perfect sense why he is the way he is and yeah people get mad that why in the EC Nora was like Andrew will never heal and stuff but that’s just EC you can interpret and imagine after the books yourself. In just the last book you can see how much Andrew has opened up once someone truly truly understands him and see all of him without flinching away.

It can’t be anyone else. Of course it is Neil josten because Neil is the only other person that understands protecting yourself. Using whatever means. And Neil josten understands the possessive claim Andrew has because Andrew never had control over anything in his entire life (just like how Neil runs all the time) and Neil josten is just as possessive of his people as Andrew minyard are (Neil holds on so tightly too. He is willing to die for the foxes by book two already) yeah renee understands Andrew but she was saved whereas Andrew was dammed even more. Wymack has already been there and done that so it is different for him. Bee is still just a psychiatrist she can only understand so much. So of course it is Neil. Neil who can challenge and understand and push andrews buttons just right.

Now Aaron minyard. For as long as I remember the fandom has make Aaron minyard into someone that has always hated Neil josten. That isn’t the case. Aaron didn’t hate Neil josten. He just didn’t care for any of the foxes. He only hates Neil josten when he gets with his brother and justifiably so. He hates Neil josten becaude Aaron minyard tried so hard to get to know his brother and all he got in return is a dead mother and a brother that is not willing to speak to him. Imagine you are Aaron. You are desperate and then you found out you have a brother and you tried with him but he rejected you again and again and then last straw was when he seemingly killed your mother. The one thing you have always had. And then your brother doesn’t talk to you again. Aaron’s grief of course won’t allow him to see it how Neil as an outsider can see. And then this fucking outsider come in and wreck the team got one of the teammates killed even and he’s the fucking son of the butcher and he lies and lies and lies and he gets with your brother. Your brother who has been a sexually assaulted victim for who knows how long. And this liar and mafia kid comes in and get with your brother. Your brother and entire family and team love and trust this guy even though all he does is lie and make trouble for your team. (Yes Aaron understand neil is not really the bad guy and Aaron literally did not care about Neil even after everything until Baltimore and neil and Andrew is obviously a thing) so yeah Aaron justifiably hates Neil because his brother that apparently killed his mother for him and saved him from rapists but is more willing to trust someone he met less than a year ago than Aaron himself.

Now Kevin day. I’ll be honest and say I didn’t care for him at all in my first read. After rereading again and all the tumblr post I’m literally in love with the man. People say he is a coward but we all know he isnt. The way he manage to relearn an entire sport with his nondominant is not only impressive but also nearly impossible. He did it through sheer determination and spite and fear. Exy is all he has and he’s so goddamn good at it. His relationship with Andrew is so precious. He is the first one to see something in Andrew and actually try to give Andrew something. He is andrews first friend that isn’t related by blood that isn’t forced to be by Andrew’s side through any family obligation or whatever. And Andrew trusts Kevin enough with his medicine. Kevin trusts Andrew to protect him from his biggest fear and nightmare and abuser. Kevin is willing to teach Neil even when he knows Neil doesn’t have a future. He is willing to waste time and effort in neil because Neil cares about exy as much as he does. Neil chose to sign with the foxes because of kevin. Neil wants kevin to make it. When he realised kevin hasn’t escaped either he does his damn best to get kevin out of it through winning exy games and trying his best to get them to championship. The book doesn’t end with Neil beating his father. The book ends with the foxes beating the ravens. Ends with kevin winning against riko. All for the game. Neil played and survived all for exy and half of it is also for kevin. All for the game. These two are like twin flames that their lives are nothing compare to their love for exy and obsession for each other.

Nicky hemmick. The guy that doesn’t have to take care of his cousins and were under absolute no obligation to help them and provide them a home and drop his entire life in Germany and leave his boyfriend and get treated like shit by them and as a joke by everyone on his team. Yeah nicky assaulted neil and that’s no excuse and it’s not justified at all. Andrew minyard assaulted neil and drugged him too. All the monsters assaulted neil. Just because Nicky’s assaults are different from Andrew doesn’t make them more wrong. It’s all wrong. And if we are going to hold accountability to the characters every single one of the foxes including wymack are all wrong and should go to jail. So yes I don’t condone nicky on kissing Neil but I don’t think that’s what the fandom should always hold against nicky. If nicky had punched Neil instead yall wouldn’t have this big of a reaction. (And yes of course I understand why the fandom is more freaked out over Nicky’s sexual assault but I don’t think we should all hate nicky for it) nicky knows it’s wrong and yeah his commenst are too much but he toned it down and even stopped after Andrew said so and after he can see how Neil is genuinely not interested. If nicky is really the predator yall make him to be Andrew minyard will be the first one to kill him.

Also about exy. The way neil describes it oh my gods how can you NOT be obsess with exy as well? And the way Andrew Kevin and neil is so so good at exy that you just feel it like most of us aren’t sport fans but exy makes us into one. Imagine being the FASTEST STRIKER like you don’t get it the fastest fucking striker and then you earn 3 MILLION per year on average as a pro exy player like. And and. Andrew minyard shutting down the goal. Someone recently calculated that remember the 150 goals shot and he only let in 13??? The games are 90 minutes. That’s more than one goal per minute. No wonder Andrew couldn’t lift his arms afterwards. And they were playing against the “best” college team. Andrew minyard doesn’t even train. It’s all raw talent. And Kevin day. Already drafted to court before he even graduated university. Exy stadium seats (at least the foxhole court one) has 65k seats. It’s Taylor Swift concert seats. Imagine that many people watching and obsessing over exy. And remember Neil’s awe when he first practiced with the cousins and he’s like you guys are so good. Every single one of the foxes are so so good at exy. How can you not love them and they genuinely love and care for the sport and that makes you care for exy too.

And they are all so fucking smart. Everyone hates dumb characters. Not a single one of the characters are dumb. They are all smart as fuck. Aaron studies med alongside with fucking exy (and all the mafia and trauma and a gf). Andrew minyard has an eidetic memory. Neil josten survived on the run for eight years. He is fluent in three languages and know at least five. Kevin day is a history major.

And you know how good a series has to be one the author hasn’t given us any content since 2016? It’s 2023 right now it’s been seven years and this fandom is THRIVING. I have genuinely never seen a fandom where there’s no more content yet it is still this active. Yeah some people leave. But most don’t. And there’s always new people. New content. Yeah maybe this fandom can sometimes get toxic but most of it is so so amazing. We genuinely has amazing edits and fanarts and the fanfictions oh my gods and just you guys are amazing.

In conclusion if you have make it this far congratulations I just love aftg too much this is literally just a love letter to aftg. I’m so tempted to write an actual thesis on aftg with quotations and sources but I’m too lazy and yeah maybe I’m just repeating everything people had already said and pointed out before but I just want to remind everyone again why we love this series it’s because of the characters and how real they are and how they show us that there are second and third and fourth and fifth chances and that we all deserve it and that we will make it we can survive and if even the foxes can then why can’t we?

[gumy-shark]

okayh okay HI you said you wanted to know about the freedom/passion dichotomy thing? ive got the graph and i am going to do my best to explain this to you despite me barely having a grasp of it on myself. THIS IS VERY LONG IM SORRY.

so the first thing you need to know is this just started as a way to split my ocs and help me make character arcs and motivations, and it became a little bit of a habit to categorize my favorite characters this way as well. its is in no means a perfect dichotomy, and im constantly looking for ways to refine it, but for now the best way ive found to illustrate it is this:

basically its which think they represent most... or what they value the most? idk its kind of a case-by-case basis and is dictated by Vibe. like I said THIS IS VERY FLAWED so bare with me pls

when i first started watching lmk i sorted all of the characters i knew into either category. this was within the first four/five days are watching so some of it might be.. off? but i think its still worth something as my first impression of the characters, and it'll probably help illustrate what i mean

Wukong -> Freedom Macaque -> Passion Wukong and Macaque have this thing where one has too much freedom and is learning to temper that with passion (wukong) and the other has too MUCH emotion and is trying everything he can to gain true freedom (macaque) (this is true even when he isn't under LBD's control but is esp prevalent then). they each value the opposite thing they stand for and are trying to be more like the other, without even realizing it. MK -> Freedom Dont get me wrong! He very much has passion! He holds a lot of emotion in that body! but a lot of that passion is the passion for freedom. he just wants to be able to be himself and hang out with his friends, he doesn't do well with all this responsibility :C Mei -> Passion Does this need defending? High sense of duty (mainly towards her ancestors and her friends), and so incredibly passionate. and impulsive. She spits fire when angry! Nothing more to be said honestly. Red Son -> Passion Is a really good parallel to Mei, has too much passion to fit in his body. [In the original notes, I noted that he was 'scared of true freedom, but doesn't know that yet. I'm pretty sure this references his relationship to his parents? Smth smth he's too scared of making them angry so he doesn't explore who he is outside of his relation and loyalty to them?] Pigsy -> Passion this man doesn't need freedom when he as his passion for food. what does he need to be free from? he has everything he wants HEART EMOJI! Tang -> ...Its complicated The thing with tang is that he kind of gets like a character arc with like. Responsibility and his care for his friends? He goes from low passion/high freedom to low freedom/high passion over the course of the show. please note that i am insane about him and if i really wanted i could write a whole essay about him. Sandy -> ??? ONCE AGAIN ITS WEIRD. I WISH THE SHOW FOCUSED MORE ON HIS CHARACTER AND BACKSTORY BC I CANT GET A READ ON HIM.

okay thats the main cast, and HERES THE ALIGNMENT CHART ACCORDING TO THAT. WITH OTHERS AS WELL.

theres not a lot of people without any value of freedom and passion at the same time so the grey area is pretty empty LMAO.

ANYWAYS. I BROUGHT THIS UP TO BEGIN WITH BECAUSE OF THE CHARACTERS WITH EYE SCARS TRIFECTA!!! Basically i see them all of how i described macaque earlier. He's trapped in a situation that he doesn't want to be in, whether it be LBD's control or his situation wiht wukong or his own creepy and standoffish persona/his trust issues making it hard to make real connections with others.

(in contrast wukong loves doing his own thing and just Hanging Out and never stopping his own momentum, but he also has trouble caring about... a lot of things actually. he's just soo easygoing! responsibility harshes his vibe!)

But anyways, macaque's problems are very similar to quackity and tempest's, i feel. Quackity constantly feels trapped by physical threats like techno or dream, and also his own circumstances and trauma (a lot of it from schlatt and manburg). a lot of his actions are him trying to reclaim the freedom he used to feel when he was younger. tempest felt she couldn't be truly herself without her horn, but in trying to get it she got herself in a really bad situation where any wrong move could get her killed.

The passion part comes in play in different ways for them all. Quackity tried not to care about people for a while, but still can never stop being extremely loyal and protective of his friends. Tempest had lots of rage inside her and was so intensely driven to get to her goal. And Macaque canNOT stop obsessing over wukong honestly. All three of them are very passionate, and all three of them are constantly trying to gain more freedom.

This is a super long ask, but thank you for inviting me to ramble about this lmao. I think everyone represents freedom or passion in their own way, and this dichotomy really only matters for characters BUT I THINK ITS FUN. THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TEDTALK!!!!!

i had a whole Thing written out and i was so proud of it and then my phone decided to delete it before i could post and not save as draft. but yeah im putting this chart in the microwave and then eating it and then putting it in the fridge so i can keep it overnight and microwave and eat it again. this is so fucking Good. in their attempts for freedom macaque cquack and tempest all disown the people they were when they Were free, bc they want to be unbound entirely, but they Feel too deeply for that to ever be a possibility for them. so they do the next best thing and try to pass those "lessons" they've learned on to others OUGH it makes me sick!!!

[r0ckgoblin]

Coming back from another disappearance bc of the current tlou casting andI cant be quite I need to vent. I’m prepared for some backlash but I just don’t care what people say and I don’t care if you agree or disagree with me bc everyone is allowed they’re own opinion(unless its a cis man that believes people don’t need reproductive rights🤗)…. I’m just-

Why? This shit is crazy. I literally had someone arguing with me in the comments of a video that just explains all my frustration about Abby’s casting

I simply commented that I wish Shannon berry was casted

I explained that I never said it was an original opinion lmao💀 I was just agreeing with other fans and simply asked if fans of something are now not allowed to have opinions on it(I will admit I did set myself up for that second comment) I also took their advice and decide not to respond anymore, heehee.

I’ve been a fan of Shannon ever since The Wilds(that show and it’s fans deserved more seasons. rip.😭)

The creator of the tiktok made a second video stating that in no way were we as fans saying that not wanting kaitlyn as Abby was a form of body shaming(which there were crazy amounts of arguments saying otherwise). Kaitlyn is very beautiful, but as the creator of the tiktok said Abby is buff for a reason. It’s part of her story. And to not have that body type represented, unless they manage to buff Kaitlyn up, is just pure erasure of all the beautifully sculpted buff women. I’ve seen multiple people on twitter(still refusing to call it X) saying they hope they find a way to make this body type representation possible. I doubt they will. And I’ll just state none of this is Kaitlyns fault, I’ve seen stuff she’s been in and she CAN act, the casting team is just sadly struggling this season, must be something in the water, idk.

All I’m saying is representation matters, no matter if it’s race, sexuality, religion, body type, etc. I literally saw people being upset over Maria and Sarah being black and arguing with others who are upset that Dina’s actress isn’t jewish(don’t get me started) Like….Anyways that’s a rant for another time.

Anyways Shannon’s ig story today:

Heheheheh kicking my feet. I’m delulu.

Time for me to disappear again and dream of the perfect season 2 cast that could’ve been. Also sorry if this rant made no sense, trust me, ranting to my friends there was a lot more caps-lock and frustrated jibberish.

Back to what I said abt the casting directors🤭

And then there’s also this 😭 I will riot.

Anyways I hope you have a good night/day/evening/afternoon🫶 take care of yourselves in these troubling times🫂

[readyandnot]

ready rambles~

sovereign state season one finale

part three thoughts

spoilers under the cut

* well already the thumbnail is basically inversion- so i hoped that they wouldn’t summon in the middle of the stadium cause that’s fucking terrible.

* I CALLED IT

I FUCKING CALLED ITTTT

* STARLIGHT GETTING THEIR MEMORIES BACK LETS GOOO

* let’s talk about the memories cause omg- THEIR FIRST MEETING, it’s so crazy to see that their dynamic really isn’t any different, and avior is the same guy hence why he was sarcastic again when he pulled starlight back in- now of course his sarcasm is limited because he did fall in love with starlight BUT ITS STILL THERE AND ALWAYS HAVE BEEN

* next- the HEALING GOD THERES SO MANY HEALING SCENES IN THIS SERIES; i wonder how starlight got injured? they must have tried a plan that didn’t work? maybe got lost in a circle? nevertheless AVIOR STARTING TO GET SOFT WITH STARLIGHT I CANT the fact that he calls them “human” bro come on we all know you have a cuter nickname you can use LMAO; hearing the teasing and laughing from him AFTER SEEING HIM HURTING FOR SO LONG, it’s so bittersweet, i hope we can see him like this again in the future after everything

* also THE PARALLEL OF AVIOR NOT BEING COMPLETELY TRUSTING TO STARLIGHT VS WHEN STARLIGHT WASNT SURE IF THEY COULD TRUST HIM WHEN THEY GOT PULLED BACK IN I CANTTTT

* next- the kissing. i am still not over it. i have listened to this audio 5 times now, and i’m still not over this part. IM IMAGINING WHAT LED UP TO THIS AND WHAT HAPPENED AFTER AHHHHH; the teasing in between kisses. i love them so much. THE PASSION. THE LOVE YOU CAN TELL THEY FEEL FOR EACH OTHER.

* then, the “confession” scene i’ll call it; i hc that this is right after that previous memory (cause let’s be honest that was getting hot and heavy-) but i’d like to think after all that they talked about it and that’s where this memory comes in. HES SO SOFT FOR STARLIGHT, i’m just imagining him grabbing their face and just ADMIRING THEM. he’s such a romantic holy shit

* THE FINAL MEMORY OF THEM TALKING ABOUT THE COFFEE SHOP. OMG. the “starlight, look at me, please.” gets me every damn time. his comfort is soft and so beautiful it truly makes me so happy. i love this relationship so much.

* “i love you. so much.” STARLIGHT LOVES YOU TOO I PROMISE

* also- can we just appreciate the piano music for a sec? BECAUSE ITS SO SIMPLE YET SO BEAUTIFUL. i love using the music as another form of storytelling, it’s such a nice addition and doesn’t take away from anything, i love and have loved it so much. it’s so calming in a way. i wonder what music he used…

* THEYRE HOMEEEEEEE LETS GO; to all you non believers… haha :)

* THE DISBELIEF, THE REUNITING AND HUGGING, THE SIGHS AND SHUDDERS OF RELIEF- chef’s kiss, a wonderful reuniting

* SO STARLIGHT WANTED AVIOR TO GO THROUGH THEIR MIND- the parallel of avior telling them he could use that as a trick- BUT THEM SUGGESTING IT NOW OMG; i mean it makes sense, i honestly would’ve done the same because one- i would want him to see what i saw and two- it is really hard to explain and quote like it’s nothing so it’s a perfectly valid way to explain

* THE HESITATION. THE CONSENT. TAKE NOTES CUTIE.

* “behind this wall, come on.” I IMAGINE HE GRABBED THEIR HAND AND PULLED THEM UP AHHHH

* avior baby i’m sorry you’re overwhelmed but you had to see that. THE FACT THAT HE KNOWS THEY HAVE THEIR MEMORIES BACK, I CAN SEE THE SHOCK AND REALIZATION ON HIS FACE

* “and how do you feel about that?”

* [what i think starlight said]

“like this…” AND GOES TO KISS HIM COME ON ITS PERFECT

* THE KISSINGGGGG SUCH UTTER PERFECTION- THE MELTING INTO IT FUCK

* listen avior, priorities are priorities- kissing your partner after so long before coming to terms with your mission is definitely a top priority. i don’t blame you one bit lol

* “i’m still trying to wrap my head around the idea that you don’t fucking hate me!”

* “i never hated you.”

* so…. it happened on new year’s eve. I KNEW THE THUMBNAIL HAD TO DO WITH INVERSION

* also the fact that they were there for over two years and it was only less than one hour in the real world??? can someone do that math cause i cant-

* THE SIMPLE THINGS LIKE A DARK ALLEY AVIOR I GET IT ITS OKAY

i hate to see characters cry, but this time it’s understandable, and it’s not like a heartbreak cry, it’s a relief. something that avior and starlight needed- relief.

* THEY COULD HEAR THE PORTAL OPEN??? THEY CANT BE THAT CLOSE; AVIOR DO NOT GET ANY CLOSER I DONT WANT YOU TO BE LIKE GAVIN

* and then they stopped hearing the screaming, because that’s how quick the decision was made by david. holy shit. it sounded like it was forever because we heard everyone’s perspectives when in reality it was less than a minute, and we finally saw that. that’s crazy.

* “too late to stop this tide.” SO WHAT ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO DO NOW???

* “we just traded one hell for another” WAIT ITS NOT YOUR FAULT COME ON NOW

wow, all i can say is wow. this series is something i did not expect i would come to love so much when i first listened- but it had me hooked from the first audio. now i was one of the luckier ones and got to catch up before the “confession” audio. but i still had to wait and feel everyone’s pain of the wait LOL

but it was so worth it. getting to this point to where we’re almost caught up in the current timeline is worth it. seeing the character development slowly going from slow burn to not and reuniting was worth the wait.

avior has definitely risen up in my ranks for the characters because his development and arc is a beautiful thing. we saw him at his lowest and highest moments, we saw him make mistakes, learn and love. he is a character that i’ve grown to love and i’m sure other people have as well.

starlight. starlight is truly one of my favorite listeners at this point- they’re such an intriguing person, no wonder avior fell for them LMAO, but they have this personality that’s infectious and a soul that’s admirable; they are a person who is stubborn in the best way possible and it’s been amazing seeing how they dealt with the situation. and how they are with avior back then, when they got back in, and how they are now!

i’m so excited for season two, i have a lot of theories and ideas- for example, how they could possibly meet people working for project meridian, or helping take down closeknit with sunshine and elliott (maybe even sweetheart?), and maybe even colliding with vega and warden at some point! there’s so many options and ways this can go, and i’m so thrilled to see that they’ll do it together.

thank you redacted for such a wonderful series and i speak for everyone when i say that we cannot wait for what will go on in season two.

what’s next- now i believe we would get more updates with the balance after the avior season one finale! that’s going to be something- just back to back angst WE DO NOT HAVE A BREAK LOL, but i’m so excited for the balance and the upcoming simpler videos! let’s see what the next lineup has in store :)

ps- vote for milo for march redactness HE DESERVES TO WIN OKAY SAM ALREADY WON

here’s to the believers o7 thanks for reading <3

[nerves-nebula]

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO OMG OKAY QUESTIONS (no pressure to answer or go too in depth !)

What inspired you to make the characters? like where they an instance "YES I HAVE A CHARACTER IDEA" or was it more of a development over time?

Will Etik and Groe get along?

Will Etik ever have to pick a side between Maureno and Groe? (oo possibility of angst but also Etik.. Etik deserves to not be put in that position)

I LOVE how you do your character designs, like all of them feel unique but not overly complicated/hard for eyes to make out (if that makes sense? it's a compliment my eyes are wonky alerkgm). do you have any tips for character designs?

Thanks!!! I can't wait to learn more about Etik as you share more about Etik's story with Maureno (and Groe!)

OK SOOOO you've given me the chance to ramble AND SO I SHALL.

FIRST QUESTION: buck up cuz this is a long one.

Etik, Maureno, and Groe are all pre-existing characters. Sort of. They originally come from a story where Groe is the main character and is dealing with a lot of PTSD and has to teach a class of teens/young adults how to Use Magic! Etik is one of his students, and Maureno (called Maurice in this story) lives in the palace Groe is teaching at on a boat they can never leave (for backstory reasons)

(scenes of Maurice and Groe on the boat can be seen here)

so they didn't really spring up wholesale, but the next story put them in they were just background characters. Still, this version of them was wayy different. this was also the version where I changed Maurice to Maureno, sicne the characters were very different and i wanted a more funky name of this Evil Version. Etik isnt an important part of this story.

(I've posted that second version here)

WHICH LEADS US TO the maureno and groe that YOU, the ASKER know.

this version of them is relatively new compared to the other two, i just came up with it earlier this year. YOU SEE, I developed a bit of an infatuation with Sun Wukong and a dozen or so iterations of his character. I also later on fed my affection for honey badgers, and SO! I wanted to write a character that was inspired by Sun Wukong but like, for honey badgers. (sort of, there's plenty of differences but yea)

I also wanted to include Groe because I LOVE to torture him, and because I'd had this idea of him being killed/brought back which fit in well with my sun wukong fascination. Plus Groe's personality was perfect for it cuz he's already really bitter and petty and a bit of an asshole. I ended up including Etik and making her play a more main role because she's been underdeveloped for a while so I figured Why Not give her some attention?

SO IN SHORT: It was a combination of "YES I HAVE AN IDEA" and then mapping that idea on to pre-existing characters.

SECOND QUESTION: Etik and Groe already get along! Etik thinks he's cool and mysterious and admires his craft/work (his plants & his potions). Groe likes Etik too, it just hates that she stays with Maureno because it doesnt trust Maureno to look after a kid. and also because of its own child-related trauma.

THIRD QUESTION: Sort of! Etik is kind of caught between them already, but in more of a "Divorced parents trying to one up each other" sort of way not a "You have to choose one of us!" way. She'd probably choose Maureno anyway because she lives with her, and because she made a pact with Maureno to rescue her siblings. But she wouldn't be happy with or accept the idea of cutting off contact with Groe.

FOURTH QUESTION: Uhhh once again I'm kind of at that stage as an artist where I've internalized a lot of shit but cant exactly explain it. I basically just try to follow the rules of like, Shape Language and designing recognizable silhouettes (Groe is tall and thin and mostly pointy so that he looks like of like a wilting flower, Maureno is short and round but with a few edges that show that she's not just a big softie and is a potential threat, Etik just has a pretty average build cuz she's a pretty average girl. probably the least recognizable silhouette except for her little AAC snake)

my only other advice is to make more of your characters fat and transgender and disabled and non-white. fsdfmkdsfmsdf those arent really tips though, that's just what i like to draw hah.

[lunar-lair]

idk exactly how to explain it but. just. 4 UR ENTERTAINMENT by chandler leighton is such a rise leo song. the thing in general is just so...im tired of who ive become. it feels like leo staring at the person hes become after the kraang and sighing softly, so, so tired. it feels like something hed sing at karaoke and reveal the him a couple layers deeper than he usually lets people see. every time i hear it i see him singing it with this wry smile, humming it under his breath in the kitchen, listening to it on loop after he first hears it and thinking too hard about it. its the name of one of my leo playlists that are more like 'leo would so make this', theres one called 'im so sick of my own shit'. here let me grab lyrics just to prove it to you (under the cut bc this got kind of long lmao)

this is just so. like. ofc insomniac leo but as for the the last two lines in the first verse. like i feel insane every time i hear this song and think of leo bc ive completely changed its meaning but it still feels so right to me?? just leo wishing he could be more boring, that this performance hes putting on could lose its steam. thats how the pre chorus applies, too, this song to me in a leo context is just about leo being tired of the act hes put on. tired of being there for the kicks and giggles, tired of having to pretend he doesnt care so people dont worry about him for being worried about them, this 4D chess game hes playing with his family to be who hes always been. ok moving on though theres more

this part is just so . ough. i hate the way everyone loves it. i can see leo stepping back with a rue smile as he sings it DO YOU SEE MY VISION. forget my own name can totally be metaphor'd into forgetting who he is too ok. and its like, when did i become this? when i did become someone so me yet not? YOU KNOW

NOBODY KNOWS HOW BADLY I WANNA GO HOME . GIRL. the lair the trauma after the kraang the person hes become CMON!!! they say that im built different. and now im just an actress, trying to keep up with the habits, trying to keep up with the joking act hes put up. DO YOU UNDERSTAND. DO YOU SEE MY VIISON!!!! this is bad for him he just wants to stop being what hes become hes backed himself into this corner. TRUST ME IT MAKES SENSE. ill have to make another post on my 'leo is leo but hes definitely putting up an act and the person he is has been suffocated' beliefs. or like. multiple that coalesce into the same idea i have so many leo ideas .

THIS LINE THIS FUCKGIHGLFANLDFJSGLKFJ LINE . god its the core of this. hes so so tired. but he cant change what hes become now because his family will worry. gotta give the people what they want. i cant turn it off, i cant calm down, i cant worry, i cant turn off the jokes and the humor, i have to be the levity. DO YOUS EE-

this part makes me nearly explode every time i hear this fucking song. take my face off just to put it back on, masks over masks, a brief reprieve before he has to keep acting like him but not-quite-him. no one really knows me, there are parts of leo hes hidden, there are parts of leo he doesnt let his family see, there are parts of him that will worry them that will make them see him as different that theyll tease. no one knows him, he just has to keep this up, find comfort in the box hes backed himself up into. god, if this is the show, then wheres all the applause. i cant even explain why that and the last line fit leo i just. why arent you clapping, god, ive done so much to make this perfect. i know its wrong, the ways ive molded myself, but here i am. YOU KNOW.

anyways this was my psa that 4 ur entertainment is a peak leo song. its been haunting me for over a month and its always been very leo to me plus it honestly slaps pretty hard so im glad to finally share it properly!! with the leo analysis and all, lmao

[dumbbitchfrommars]

im trying so hard, my very hardest, to be kind and sweet and lovely and nice. but im afraid itll never be truly possible - theres a hidden dark side to me, because im so harsh and cruel and hard on myself. it slips out in hidden ways. those comments that spark a sense of alarm in others. that sudden red flag that you dont react or respond to in the moment, just file away as a reminder to never truly trust me, love me, respect me, feel safe around me...

is it true? or is it an idea?

im afraid i cant trust anyone.

but if i trust myself, will that matter?

its jarring, when the tower of love you have for a person comes crashing down after one dirty act. the darkness... the darkness that im supposed to accept is inherently a part of us all. it scares me. it hurt me.

im heartbroken because i feel like this relationship was doomed to end from the beginning. and that was my own doing, because i have such a warped idea of relationships and love. because i have lingering feelings for people that dont matter. because im so afraid of repeating the same mistakes that im more willing to sabotage it all before i get a chance to try something different. because i cant let go of superficial things that ive gotten used to. because i cant set boundaries. because im being fucking stupid.

im definitely pmsing. lets just take these big emotions with a grain of salt.

what happened to being in a goofy mood?

im irritable.

i just want to be happy with him. i dont want to ruin it by travelling and being separated and one of us cheating on the other. i dont want this to end within a year. i want to be happy. i deserve happiness. ive waited a long time for someone to treat me how i deserve. will he treat me how i deserve? he will try, and thats all i can ask for. he actually makes me feel safe and comfortable to be authentically myself. he gives me the space to just be. to feel my confusing emotions.

but why do they both feel so manipulative? is this my own wound? my own lack of boundaries and knowing what it is i really want? because i keep finding myself fearing the powerful people i attract into my life for the same reason i fell in love with them in the first place - that they can tell me what to do, that they can help me figure out what i want. but at what point does that turn into them deciding what i want for me? thinking they know what i want? ugh.

im confused. im tired. im drained. im overwhelmed. im sad. im missing something that doesnt exist - a feeling - nostalgia - the feeling of love and being loved and being heartbroken and in love and completely miserable.

i hate to admit it, but this whole time i keep on thinking back to the time i was with my ex. it was so different. i was so much freer and happier. i was so different. it was a different time! i always thought i could find something or someone like that, to emulate that feeling again. but its just not possible. its weird. like no one else will ever understand but him, because no one else was there. and i wish i could talk about it or explain it but its impossible to understand.

i want to fall. i want to feel okay to just fall and let him catch me and lead the way. but im so scared, i feel like its gonna end, i feel like im gonna get hurt, im gonna regret being so vulnerable, im gonna find something out and wish id been smarter and seen through his bullshit. but he hasnt done anything. but thats the biggest red flag of them all. why are you so perfect? who are you, really? why am i still so afraid and uncomfortable? is it me?

yet, i still miss him. i still text him. i still want to see him tomorrow. i dont tell him to refund the festival tickets he got us. i smile when he tells me about his day and his games and his affirming words calling me princess and telling me hes proud of me. hes so stable. what if he gets sick of me? my constant bad moods? my dark feelings? you cant have the sun without shade.

darkness can only exist in the shadow of light.

[prince-tulip]

Im so terrified. I dont want to get hurt. Its not even been a month and i am so fucking obsessed and invested and i definitely want to be, i know what i feel and do want but its like damn I got hurt so fucking devastatingly bad this year that literally killed me, the levels of despair i cannot feel again, i am not strong enough for that, i barely have made it back to reality and its like as soon as i get the hang of things, things get crazy again and its like everything is exactly how ive always wanted them to be right now and i couldn't be more happy cause i truly know what i feel and when things are at its best, god its so fucking perfect but i feel im not able to talk to anyone yet or be more open about stuff cause i feel like a secret, like ill get casted out again..like i worry i am getting kept in the dark so i dont see or experience something bad, like for example they dont have me on their social media at all and i feel weird and scared about asking or getting on there and getting triggered by something and that maybe im just being used for validation and as a rebound because im so forgiving and easy to talk to or something.. in return its causing me to not know what's really happening, am i what they want? Are they talking to anyone else? Do they think so highly of me like i do them? Do they recognize the way we move together and talk to eachother? Is it as meaningful to them as it is me? Its like i know would lie about where they were or what they wang and their true intentions before, so why wouldn't they lie again? But at the same time thats not fair, cause its like i coukd very well be accused of being shitty too and still actually not be doing anything shitty and its like man..i feel like ive been living a honest and decent life, i maybe do keep to myself a bit much but i just enjoy my company and also not feeling like i have to explain myself caused ik people often times feel they have a say in things when they do not..i dont think bad things are happening behind my back the last two weeks or so and things have been magical and passionate and full of conversations, synchronized behavior, mutual understanding, growth, literally alway being able to meet in the middle on something, the dynamics i adore, we are so different but so much alike and I love it with all my being and im continuesly betting on the good things but that first week and a half idk..things seemed really off at certain moments that maybe hinted at things but again i can get very paranoid and of course cant control someone's actiona..I just dont want to throw awayy boundaries in attempts to please and i feel ive done that already in a lot of ways but by simultaneously finding such new perspectives and found love that was always there just stuck and idk i guess the feeling of trust has become so hard this year. Ever since January and in between i felt very used and thown away and lied to because i was to a degree i guess and even if ive done wrong in the past and yeah did i royally do some stupid fucking idiot type shit but ik it doesn't justify getting hurt back and i had to really come to terms with that. I had let go of that crazy person in me that would stay up two days straight crying and obsessing over what was and what is and whats happening without me, while drunk or high out of my mind constantly and go through the loneliness, the guilt, the shame, the loss all on my own in a small room with literally no one to talk to and forcing myself to come as close to dying as possible and finally move on from everything aweful in my life ever and do my best to block out every single god aweful image or notion in my head that i would get, causing insecurities and paranoia that i didn't know i was capable of...im really trying to make sense of everything cause everything is so fucking touchy right now but still having to push through and communicate and understand and love with all of my heart and vice versa I think wins every time and i feel life has been showing me that

[uzumak1s]

Its so sad when i want to find and love a good man but i cant even trust in my owm brothers anymore.

It pains me to no end. How can they think and say such cruel things? Without a care in the world.

I just want somebody whos kind and sweet and doesnt hate women as a whole. This underlying disdain for women and anything feminine and anyone in defense of women. This filth of a realization that even these men who were birthed from the most incredible woman who has faced unspeakable things in her lifetime and has sacrificed everything for them; that even they think to speak of women in such an ugly and saddening way.

I cant do it. Call me weak and a coward but i cannot sit down with someone and explain to them why they should care about other people and treat everyone with kindness. When did it become desirable to be a bad person? When did it happen; the moment when people lost all sense of community and manners and understanding and, rather, turned to arrogance and ignorance and hate.

It makes me sick and its too much sometimes. And i always have to remind myself: theyre my brothers and i really love them and theyre troubled and theyre going through a rough time and theyve made some unpleasant experiences in the past.

But its not always easy and i just want to cry and i just want them to magically see women in a kind light again and i just want them to see through my eyes too, or at least try to.

They dont see what theyre doing to those around them. They cant see what theyve made themselves turn into and they dont want to see what theyve also put me through.

Because i always appreciate them and what they do for me and i have understanding for their hardships and pains. Even when they dont talk about them.

So why is it that none of the things that have happened in the past years, none of the things which make it so hard to live with them, none of the work i have put in from a much younger age, none of the things ive had to understand, none of the ways in which i have tried to be perfect to make up for their struggles, none of their emotional unstableness, none of their aggression, none of my repression and reclusion in turn, none of my pain is met with understanding.

And that can be fine. But then they go ahead with their misogynistic mindsets and it makes me feel sick and panicked. Like theres no hope. And theres no love left in the world and maybe im too late and ive missed my chance.

Because i cant put up with that for the rest of my life. And i want forever. I want it so bad. I want that someones so bad and im waiting for them and when i see them i want to take a breath and turn around and ask them where they have been all my life.

Dear god. Tell me now if im a fool. Tell me now so i can rest assured.

Or dont tell me. Dont tell me because through all of that i still retain hope. A little sliver of it. And ill keep it close to my heart and try to remember it in times like this.