#i cant even physically or mentally do the work
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angelicgirlmj · 1 day ago
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an angels glow up guide for 2025 ⋆.˚
have you tried to glow up before, only to fail to see results, feel unmotivated and give up? realise that you don’t actually have the energy or motivation or discipline to suddenly change your life? this guide is meant to help you glow up at your own pace - treat it as a checklist or pick a few tasks from each section! whatever speed you move at remember that any progress is positive. feel proud of yourself angel - 2025 is your year!
PREPARING ⋆.˚
research, research, research!! this is the best way to actually create a plan/guide and have it stick for you. here are some of my planning video recommendations:
youtube
youtube
youtube
youtube
after you’ve watched some videos, read some posts and articles now it’s time to start specifically planning for YOU, here are my favourite things to do:
make a vision board.
buy or source what you’ll need (e.g a gym membership, a waterbottle). treat yourself as much as you can!
clean and tidy your space.
sort through your drawers, clothes and so on. donate what you can and clear some space out.
make a playlist full of motivational songs and the energy you want to bring into the new year.
have an everything shower - feel your cleanest and best for your new goals.
make a pinterest board with a section for every specific goal you have.
make a planner or organiser. write down all of your goals, ideas and plans. start journalling about how you will achieve them and how the you of the future will look having achieved them all!
research and find apps, youtubers or guides specific for your goals that can continue to help you feel motivated and energised.
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HEALTH ⋆.˚
your health should be your priority this year! you cant glow up mentally, physically or spiritually unless your body is functioning at its best. here are some essential health focused habits to adopt so you can be your best in every single way:
walk a minimum of 5k steps a day.
drink 2 litres of water a day.
stop skipping meals! having three meals a day ensures that your body is running at its best and functioning how it should.
at least two servings of fruit or veggies per meal.
adding vitamins or supplements in your diet when you can.
yoga every morning and evening.
outside time every day.
find a workout plan that works for you and your lifestyle.
try to eat cleaner, avoid super sugary foods, fast food, anything that stops your from feeling your best.
plan your meals in advance.
have an early night - get at least 7-8 hours.
reduce your caffeine where possible, try herbal teas, matcha and so on.
emphasise a balanced diet and plate.
practice meditation and breathing.
stretch before and after every workout.
stop using screens at least an hour before you go to bed.
cook more - stop buying takeout or ready meals as much as possible.
have rest days, your body and muscles need some time to recover.
change your attitude! workout because you love your body not because you hate it.
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BODY + APPEARANCE ⋆.˚
your body and appearance always tends to be a strong emphasis in glow up guides and while i think it’s important i think it’s better and more effective to focus on health, wellness and your mental space which in turn will lead to a bigger physical/appearance based glowup! i do love sharing tips for your body and appearance and i feel it’s something that i should share just with the reminder on where you should invest most of your time and energy
face
ice face every morning.
gua sha routine 3-4 times a week.
double cleanse to remove makeup, spf etc.
suncream every day!
moisturise twice a day to keep skin hydrated.
perfect your makeup and skincare routine.
gently pluck eyebrows to keep them more clean.
face mask once a week.
spot treatments where needed.
lip masks/treatments regularly.
silk pillowcase to prevent acne!
washing hands before touching face.
use a facial oil.
try regular face massages.
hair
invest in a bonnet or silk hair ties.
sleep in a protective style.
try out new hair styles to fit your hair type!
double cleanse with shampoo.
hair masks and oils pre wash.
heat protectant whenever you use heat.
embracing your natural hair.
investing in a hair oil.
buy cute hair accessories to make your hair more fun and for you!
leave your conditioner on your hair for a minimum five minutes.
try rice water for hair growth.
get regular haircuts - get those dead ends trimmed!
figure out how often to wash your hair and commit to that.
ensure all shampoo and conditioner is washed out your hair.
use a scalp scrub/exfoliant.
body
ditch the loofa and invest in an african shower net.
exfoliate before you shave.
change your razor head once a month.
use a neutral soap bar to cleanse your body then go in with a shower gel.
use a plain thick lotion, then a body oil and then a scented lotion for baby soft skin.
exfoliate your feet regularly.
find your signature scents.
use a roll on deodorant and replace it regularly. bring it in your bag/out with you.
have an everything shower once a week.
use a cuticle oil and hand cream.
file and paint your nails once a week.
cut your toenails once a week, paint and make look pretty!
dry brush your body before washing/showering.
the last minute of your shower should be cold!
spf on your body when it’s more exposed.
figure out your body type and dress to work with that.
invest in more jewellery and accessories.
teeth + oral care
floss daily.
mouthwash twice a day.
clean teeth before and after breakfast.
oil pull three times a week!
carry gum in your bag at all times.
invest in a water floss.
get teeth whitening strips or get your teeth whitened.
if you have a retainer etc, use it!!
tongue scrape.
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MIND ⋆.˚
to glow up properly i really believe you need to have a mental glow up as well! your mental health and wellbeing is so deeply important and such a good thing to prioritise as much as possible. here are my suggestions to help you get a mental shift/change:
read every day. set a goal and achieve it.
journal every day.
watch more long form content - avoid short form.
plan your future/dream life, what mental goals will you need to achieve?
socialise more when possible, surround yourself with good and rewarding people.
learn a new hobby or skill, such as learning a new language!
become more curious, ask yourself why. learn about what interests you.
visit libraries more.
set your school device up to maximise your academic productivity!
learn to love and cherish your alone time.
take mental health walks.
find podcasts and audiobooks that interest you.
set time limits on apps like tiktok and so on that suck you in too much, they are time wasters.
read the news/news articles mores.
find a calendar and prep your days and weeks ahead of time.
set up a notion!
follow creators who inspire you positively and are healthy for you to engage with.
cut out bad habits and people.
fix your sleep schedule, dedicate your evenings just for you!
become more ‘cultured’ visit museums, read more and educate yourself.
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FINANCE ⋆.˚
shop mindfully - stop impulse purchasing!
build a budget.
set a spending limit monthly.
figure out your financial goals for 2025.
try thrifting or shopping second hand.
more expensive better quality products are longer lasting - weigh that up when shopping.
cook more!
keep a spending tracker.
instead of buying a product immediately, add it to your basket and weigh it up.
follow creators who give spending tips!
if possible consider investing or what you could do better with your money.
give to charity if you can.
work hard, consider what you can do to get promotions, find a job etc.
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thank you for reading angels! have fun glowing up for 2025.
love, m.
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bloodcoveredgf · 7 hours ago
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hey yall, i hate to do this again but we decided we needed to make an updated crowdfunding post explaining our situation since some things have changed and our living situation is really only getting more and more intolerable + we have been struggling to save on our own, our mental and physical are suffering beyond comprehension and we are taking on a lot of extra responsibilities and stress on top of our own right now. its gotten to a point where we feel like we just cant win and cant deal with it all anymore. again my partner and i are both disabled but he is working full time and trying to save up for us to fix his car which needs repairs and those will cost at LEAST 1.5k possibly more. right now we are prioritizing getting the money together for that so that we can have a car which is obviously desperately needed first and foremost especially due to the limited forms of transportation from others and it being winter right now + we wont be able to move until we get this car fixed. unfortunately, things keep piling up and dont seem to stop and saving is nearly impossible with our own bills + our own necessities + the bills and extra things we are having to pay for that arent even our responsibility at the request of his mother. it is essential that we can at least get his car fixed and working again because we are taking on a lot outside of that too and its dire that we move out as soon as possible, but first we will need the money for the car so if theres any chance you can donate or share we would greatly appreciate it and it would help us out a lot! right now we have $365 saved up thanks to previous donations (thank you again everyone for donating and sharing!) but we have struggled to add anything to the pile ourselves right now, so we would be so grateful for any help ♡
our cashapp is $curtiswldr and mutuals can dm for our paypal, thank you ♡
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ganondoodle · 4 months ago
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the company i work for decided that its switching from the german formal "You"(Sie) to the informal "you" (Du) in all of our websites so now we have to scour the entire database to change it and i quite frankly hate that, not just bc the unecessary extra work but especially bc its such a weird and unecessary change
i bet its bc everything here is getting englishfied (both literally and culturally it feels like, when my new boss talks its half in english bc every second german word is just replaced by an english one despite there being perfectly fine words for it in german too, its so annoying) and bc they want to sound more personal in hopes of getting more clients bc 'company is your fwiend uwu!!', i know this here is the amercian tm site so you wouldnt understand really but i do not want to be greeted with 'du' by companies, no, thats too personal, you dont know me and im not giving you my data, stay away!!
i guess thats how i would describe it .. the formal you is like a polite distance, like someone you dont know staying outside your personal space, but when its the informal 'you' it feels invasive unless i told you you can call me that, and that goes double for companies
maybe its a small thing that doesnt seem important but i cant stand it, im just a little part time worker doing data work so i got no say in it but the companies founder also announced hes giving his post to his kids some time ago so ...... since then theres been alot of changes and new projects that solely aim to imitate whats popular and whats done by other companies, despite ours being one that is, or used to be, intentionally different, like, that was the POINT, but i guess chasing trends is just too appealing for CEOs
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icewindandboringhorror · 9 months ago
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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good-beanswrites · 4 days ago
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es should go through the blender but my finger is tired of holding down the button. so i shall pass the blender to you (with an es nui in it). do whatever you wish with them.
Oh why thank you :) I will take the blender gladly :) *Tosses some T2 angst into the blender* *adds a little bit of funky structure/style* *gives it a little pinch of headcanons* *and another pinch of random angst I got from ace attorney at 14 and never forgot* :) BBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Caretaker Log J.16.7.2
Summary – The Warden’s condition continues to worsen since last entry. All decline remains self-inflicted. 
J.16.7.2-M – Sleep deprivation has resulted in mood swings and irritability. Though denied by the Warden, extreme distress, melancholy, and laughter have been noted. They lash out verbally and physically toward the prisoners (1) only to apologize at a later time. Observations (2) result in speculation that hallucinations are another symptom. 
J.16.7.2-B – The Warden's obsession with notetaking remains steady, though most pages of planning are merely rewritten versions of earlier notes. Their nightly ritual has grown more rigorous: four cups of coffee ingested in the time between dinner and the kitchen’s closing. A fifth cup is brought back to the courtroom, where the Warden will once again sleep on the ground. (Refer to J.5.5.2.B for initial detail.) 
J.16.7.2-P – Sleep deprivation and/or caffeine intake has caused shakiness and overall weakness. They show severe eyebags and have not changed into nightclothes in several days. Though they wash themself and fresh civilian clothes have been provided, they insist on returning to the uniform. Motor skills (3) and computation abilities have suffered.
J.16.7.2-S – The Warden spends their days around the prisoners, but avoids participating in all necessary conversations and activities regardless of invitation (4). They limit speech to the Caretaker only about their denied request (5), though they can be coaxed into conversation when fatigue overtakes them.
(1) After 005 offered the Warden something to help with their sleep, they threw the pills to the ground and shouldered past with force; 008 attempted to read the Warden’s notes, and they slapped her hand away.
(2) Flinched away from 003 even when standing still; shocked expression at 004's face despite nothing out of the ordinary; looked nauseous and refused to eat fresh fruit from the dining hall; interrupted a conversation with 010 to listen to silence.
(3) Handwriting has grown nearly intelligible; dropped one of their coffee cups and nearly panicked at the subsequent breakage and spill.
(4) Left the room when 002 began setting up a game; ignored 001's encouragement to join him for a meal; refused to answer personal questions from 006; snapped at 007 when trying to begin a lighthearted conversation.
(5) Request submitted on 30.8.2 for padlocks to fit supply closet and cell doors.
Appendix. Subjective caretaker commentary – Poor kid. I’m glad it’ll all be over soon. 
#milgram#es#(okay so i wanted to do something fantasy-esque like fugue route but i kept getting Plagued with this concept)#i love leaning into milgram as an experiment -- no matter how unethical and fucked up its still organized and the data meticulously reporte#it was weird to do something that stated much more than narrative writing but still felt like it was leaving a lot of blanks in the story#the aa angst is godots coffee obsession/his fear of falling back asleep -- after the disaster of es' t1 nap i think they would do#everything in their power to stay awake when they think its getting closer to trial closing time ;--; even if its killing them ;--;#if theyre not in their room jackalope cant give them the report#if theyre hyped up on caffeine their body cant be drugged to sleep#if they just take a few more notes on the prisoners... just do a little more planning of verdicts... everything will be okay...#if they just...#< reflecting the audience's obsession with controlling the prisoners/outcomes in es my beloved <3#what hurt most is that this trial end came late compared to t1 -- the reference to the other entry is meant to show they were#preparing for the trial end since 5/5 when it should have been if the numbers worked out the same#thus theyve been destroying their body ever since then - it would have been 70+ days in between and im SAD#i know nothing about how social experiments/psychology info is documented but as someone doing specifically organized technical writing it#was super fun to come up with a little fantasy system for experiment documents :3#the letters are meant to stand for mental/behavioral/physical/social -- those seemed like pretty standard categories for a case study?#oh and the padlock request was made the day of amanes interrogation 😅#also peppering in a headcanon from mug im still crazy over about es seeing glimpses of the mvs as hallucinations when theyre too tired#one of these days ill finally write fantasy milgram... we'll see...#thank you so much for the request!!!#the holidays delayed it a bit but it was super fun to work on :3#blend them........#drabbles
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onlyasimp4nobody · 2 months ago
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#I'm sorry I'm behind on asks I feel like it never fucking ends#can't talk to family about it. they worry too much. cant talk to friends about it. they just start giving unwarranted (well meaning) advice#and plus they basically live with me atp with how often they're over helping me fuck do I do?? bother them more??#dude it's embaressing even if it's not chronic shit it's just unlucky shit like how u gonna have an allergic reaction & then seizure same d#idk about therapy therapists scare me. it's not a therapy issue though I'm just tired and in pain all the fucking time#one more person says “same omg” or “well have you tried-” i will start cutting peoples throat and eating their livers#you do NOT know what it's like having to write your own will before 30 like this shit aint right shit aint fair#makes me petty and shit too people who are healthy like can you just fucking suffer why do you get that freedom but not me#it just never ends#like I really fucking hate it when people say “oh you have so much to live for” because no I don't#Not so sound like a right winger gosh dang god fearer but like deadass people focus so heavily on “mental health!!” they don't#realize even if you feel better and get therapy or shit that's not gonna be realistically helpful for anything physical going on in sm#it's a cycle even if you manage 1 thing - the medications cause a 2nd thing#and that's alongside all the OTHER things you take medications for which cause all those other things#it's like multiplying and makes your body slowly deplete but like never quite die. like I know realistically I can just die anyday#and yeah it is getting worse but it's no different because it's not about that#when you're sick it's not just “OMG DYING!!!” it's like. everything else in your life dies.#you can't cook for yourself. you can't clean. you can't move. you can't hang out with people anymore. you can barely work LMFAO.#I'm REALLY close to quitting it's not even funny lmao. cant put clothes on without struggling.#do people not know it's. physically impossible. to even eat sometimes. just vomit it all up or seize.#yeah it does make me petty#rant
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phagodyke · 3 months ago
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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nonsensechemicals · 13 days ago
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crying whenever i talk about Cookie9 because all my friends have these interesting and unique theories on them while i take everything too literally and they all just stare at me like “dude… uuugh we r TIRED” <-they dont actually say this they are very kind to me but i can Feel It
#my version of them is centered around their blog version with the ‘personality’ of their steam review and like a bunch of HC#i developed them with the implication that they’re Real but i’m a bit iffy on it#because all my friends have theories about how they’re from the narrator’s consciousness which is sick as hell#and i’m unsure how to actually structure everything or if i should go the same route so i can get approval from them </3#my friends r the real reviewer fans even though they dont plague themselves over them every day and im so sad that i don’t know anythinggg#gggggggggggg#like im p sure they genuinely hate the stuff i make about cookie9 and im just. scrumbles myself. sorry im Trying :( i’m not smart#or good at writing or even media literate#whatever that term means#all i have is love in my heart for them i don’t know anything at all#ouhghghhg they hate It so much but i cant do anything else and it’s all i have#like all my cookie9 stuff works on the ‘what if their blog self Was Real’ but i’m not actually sure how to fit it all into my actual parabl#stuff because i still havent worked out how my parable itself works#and people probably don’t think i know enough and i don’t think they’ll approve if i try. so i Don’t#tempted to blame this on my like. general crushing lack of intelligence caused by both physical and mental reasons#but i want to believe i could do better if i try? but that’s incredibly hopeful#i’ll be stuck here forever i think#<-guy who. whenever Anything wrong happens ever. just goes back to ‘oh yeah its because im dumb as fuckign rocks. due to the Incidents’#i am very scared of the possibility that it is possible for me to be anything more because that implies that i’m stupid because i didnt try#even though i’m trying very very fucking hard and every time i get something wrong way more than anyone else i’ve ever known#and they hate me for it . MAN!!!!!!!!!#<-brain is lying 2 me i think nobody hates me or . whatever. it still feels like it though im just saying this because i dont want anyone t#think people genuinely hate me for being stupid. i mean. people DO. but not my friends ☝️#man i can’t even get into the buglivia crap either because she is so abstracted from her actual review#girl w identity issues and also the general normal Changing A Lot Through Time. i scrumble her. around#her Self during 2018 would in fact be in character for the review.i want to draw her during that time. she took everything so seriously </3#tbh my version of her does react well to TSP humor but at the time she felt like she wasn’t allowed 2 Do Her Thing and tried to seem#more professional and Normal and it seeped into EVERYTHING for a bit#cookie9 though just genuinely found the narrator annoying and patronizing. its just not his thing and thats fine#<-random nonsensechemical reviewer bits hidden inside the vents. SEND POST.
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tearfest · 3 months ago
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sorry to log on n rant but i need to rant
#tbd.#ooc.#cw complaining#ignore the tags if u dont want to see how my life is going shdfhsf#so im doing my masters yeah#and im like. 75% thru#shouldve been done last month#but bc of the year ive had my uni adviser was rlly nice and sorted a way to extend my student status for another year#to get my dissertation done#like i did my 4 essays n now its just dissertation time#n i was supposed to start it now n get booked in with my mentor n stuff but i cant fucking log into the website#bc u need a MFA#and the MFA app my uni uses wont acknowledge me bc i have a different phone bc my phone broke#and a different number bc my phone contract got cut off#so idk what to do lol i cant log in and do anything#ive rang the IT desk for help 59w9er3424234 times#and everytime i get thru to the actual line n im taken off hold .. they hang up on me#idk if its a system error or my phone bc its a shit old one#but i cant do anything#and my universal credit claim got closed#non uk oomfs its a benefits system#n they help u with money to pay bills whether ur looking for work or unfit to work which is what my doctor said i am bc#my mental health and physical health combines to make me a super loser#n he thinks i might try to K word myself if i take too much on at once after eveerything#like i cant even sit and grieve my dad that died not even 6 months ago yet because i have to much shit to fucking do#like i cant afford to liven now#i cant pay my bills. they keep bouncing and coming back worse#i have debt collectors coming @ me#i am stuck in catch 22 man like not even my support workers can help me rn#and im very lucky that i own my own home bc of my car accident when i was 15 lol but everyone is just telling me to sell it
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miallurk · 9 months ago
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How my mental health be hanging on two mutuals i had having a war with me and gaining new people to follow by bapping them is. Indescribable by words
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opens-up-4-nobody · 10 months ago
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#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before#is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things#the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the#weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad#not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a#prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country#my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for#treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad#as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain#shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing#to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird#when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk#i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach#out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like???#this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home#somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms.#but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long#term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting#whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot#i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors#i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival#unrelated
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sanitizarium · 2 months ago
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off my meds for a couple days while i wait for my refill (theyre at home not at college) and so far the only effect i have felt is Im So Fucking Tired. Holy Shit. I Cant Do Anything
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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 3 months ago
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Had an ADHD assessment a few years ago and the fuckwit that assessed me said, as a direct quote, "You're too smart to have ADHD." Like that's not any type of paraphrasing, that stupid fucking statement is burned in my brain forever and has been since I heard it.
I talked to my psychiatrist about getting a referral to a different psychologist for assessment, and she agreed and sent it in.
Today I got a call that said they don't agree that I need reassessment, and I'm welcome to pursue it elsewhere, but they won't provide reassessment. Which is just.
I don't even know where to start with that one. I just needed to get it out. I'm so tired.
#'we really dont think youre adhd so were not even going to let you pay to check again'#WHAT#thats an option?#they can just say that they really dont think its a problem for me so they wont waste their time?#the first fuckwit that assessed me said im too fucking smart to have adhd!!#thats not a fucking compliment and every professional ive spoken to since then has said 'yesh thats not right tey for reassessment'#i just had to write this down because#this morning i was showering before work and they called me and left a message#so i checked the message right before work cuz i saw it was them and i assumed they wanted to set up the reassessment#because i got a referral. but theur message literally just said that bullshit#and because it was right before work i had to pack that away#because trying to deal with that in addition to a shift at fucking mcdonalds wouldve killed me#but because i set it aside i just keep forgetting about it. so i needed to write this down to remind myself#that this is my life and this is the bullshit i get to deal with in this life#im so tired. i dont even know what to say here. what to think or anything#'youre too smart to have adhd. we're so sure of that that we're not gonna check again. waste someone else's time. bye!'#i wish the world worked the way healthcare 'professionals' think it works#what a beautiful world it would be. you could lose weight just by trying and when you lose weight all of your health problems disappear!#you cant have any mental health problems if you are smart or seem kinda normal or are a woman#i am resisting the urge to. i don't even know. i want to do something angry and destructive but i don't even care#at least now i dont have to drive two hours and pay $160 just to be told that i am too smart to have problems#and actually all of my problems are due to my anxiety and the fact that im female#god i wish that was the case. ill go on t if it makes my problems valid. would you like that?#what do i have to do to convince people i have problems? i will fully physically transition to be taken more seriously#would that help?? would that fucking help???????????????#anyway. i was about to say i wish i wasnt mentally ill. but i dont#being mentally ill is chill. its like a roommate that lives up there and weve lived together awhile so its chill#the only problem are the idiots they pay to deal with mental illness. at this point i dont think they have qualifications#theyre just bringing in men off the street. and theyre the real problem. goodnight folks#dont have the audacity to be mentally ill in this economy. its not worth it
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nauticalfools · 4 months ago
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wwooyology · 4 months ago
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if someone could push me off the edge of a cliff, that would be greatly appreciated 🙏
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the-casbah-way · 1 year ago
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i think every university student who has a job and studies at the same time deserves everything they want forever actually
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