#i cant do anything i enjoy im too depressed

[be-good-to-bugs]

OHHHH right i feel especially like shit these past weeks because im not talking to anybody anymore and im going insane from social isolation.

[straylaughs]

also sorry for disappearing so much i think i ended up losing all my interests all at once so im in this weird limbo state of trying to keep them while trying desperately to find something new to keep me from spiralling

[bunnihearted]

📖🖊❄️

[mihai-florescu]

Im like. 25% thinking about my project and 75% thinking about dropping out at any given moment

[andragoras-in-vanity]

panicattackpnaicattackpanicattackpanicattack

idk why ive been like this for a week or so, but i even just thinking about popping my headphones in with an instrumental playlist almsot sent me off the rails

[grotius]

oooo i love when you read/watch/play something and wake up sick with emotion the next morning

[fortunately-bi]

...... If I went on a hiatus for who knows how long again would y'all hate me....... 👉👈

[kittycatcarla]

.

[coolprettyleo]

the traffic lights didn't know - begin again au ☆

wc: 1.2k

tw: depression. heartbroken. lmk if theres more

hughes sister x ryan leonard

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

frankie hughes was in a weird place in her life.

she didnt have the feeling of dreading to go to hockey practice anymore, and call her crazy she missed that feeling. not the sport, she wanted the sport dead in a ditch for what it did to her, but she missed the feeling of hating something so much.

she thought about directing her anger towards drew. but she was way to heartbroken to do that. she wanted to erase all her thoughts of drew, but he invaded every inch of her; her heart, hips, body, and love. there wasn't anything he didnt touch or get too.

frankie was starting to get depressed because she felt like her days were on repeat. over and over again. the only light of her day was when she would see ryan, or whenever he texted her back, and depending your overall happiness on a boy was not in any way smart.

she felt like nothing in her life was okay and resorted to asking the traffic lights if it was all going to be okay. news flash! they didn't know.

at the moment though, she was dressing up for a lunch...meeting with ryan. she wanted to say date, but ryan wanted nothing to do with her romantically, till she was fully over drew.

she wasn't but she thought she was. which is why she had been feeling blue. its not like she still wanted drew though. she just felt embarrassed and insecure. and the fact the reason he didnt want her, was because she was dumb?

I mean frankie knew she was ditzy. her family has always said that her blonde was showing, whenever she was being slow. but thats just family teasing. hearing other people talk about how dumb you are makes you want to crumble and die.

she was snapped out of her thoughts when she heard a buzz coming from her bed. it was her phone, which had a text from ryan, saying he was outside.

she quickly finished applying her lip combo and sprayed her favorite perfume, and rushed out. her favorite handbag of course coming in tow.

she loved when her and ryan, were able to hangout. he was always busy and his schedule was always jam-packed so days like these were the best because she finally got too go out and enjoy life.

she had been trying to enjoy it on her own though, she's resorted to taking the long way home from class.

"hi ry" frankie said as she got into his car.

"hey, why are you all dressed? you know were only going to chipotle"

"yes i know. i can read! i honestly just dressed to kill my time. a girl just cant get all cute for no reason?"

"no- I mean- you can. you look cute- i mean you look good." Ryan stumbled face red as he drove.

frankie loved how he'd get all flustered.

"you think I look cute" frankie said, she needed that compliment really bad.

"yeah, you always look cute" softly smiling as he looked over at her, at the red light.

this is why she loved to see ryan. he always put her in the best moods. he made her want to break through the windows she had boarded up and see the love the world was capable of giving. he had the goofiest, cutest smile and freckles that made her want to kiss everyone of them.

she hadn't realized they were starring at each other, till the car behind them honked and cut them out of their trance. both of them turning away with red faces.

"are gabe, will, and jacob coming today?" frankie asked as they pulled into the parking lot. she liked to hang around them, they were all so funny and in a way reminded her of her brothers.

"uhm no, I thought it could be just me and you today. if thats okay- I can call them to come. but lowkey will and gabe are busy with class, but I can make jacob, if that would make you feel bette-"

"ryan! im okay with just us two" she said laughing at his rambling.

"sorry" he cringed.

he opened the door for her, as they walked into chipotle.

and load and behold, drew was in there. laughing with aram in all his glory. she felt like she saw drew everywhere, and the only thing they shared was this damn campus.

she looked back at ryan with a glare.

"did you know?" frankie asked as he followed her sight too drew and aram.

"I swear I didn't. I wouldn't do that to you. we can go somewhere else" he said hoping he didn't just ruin all his chances with her.

as much as frankie wanted to run away and get drunk, she knew the morning would be right around the corner and it wasn't going to change anything. he still wouldn't be hers; not that she wanted him to be.

"no, its fine" she said still walking in. ryan following after her like a puppy. they both ordered and as she was paying she heard ryan dabbing them up.

"you guys wanna sit with us?" drew said motioning over to frankie. he honestly didnt think there was a problem within them.

"uhm-" ryan looked back at her.

"we already planned on going to the park" ryan said as he waved goodbye to them and met frankie whereas she had been filling her water cup, that was full of sprite. she refused to pay for a drink.

"where we sitting" she smiled at him.

"I actually thought we could go to centennial park" he said as he guided her out.

"what- I was fine with sitting in there" frankie said feeling her heart drop because maybe ryan was embarrassed to be seen with her in front of drew.

"drew asked me if we wanted to sit with him"

"oh."

"yeah, I didnt think you wanted too"

"I could of sucked it up"

"you dont have to though"

"no- I want too. I need you to know and see that im over him"

ryan sighed. he knew she wasn't, and he wanted believe her, but he knew her all too well.

"okay" ryan said to frankie.

"okay?" frankie asked confused.

"your over drew"

"I've been saying that"

"then go on a date with me?" ryan asked.

frankie hesiated. did she really want to start this relationship with ryan on a bad foot? it was all going to go bad if it was doomed from the start. she didnt have any romantic feelings left over for drew, but every time she saw him, she had to act like everything was okay; when it wasn't.

"see I knew it! theres my answer" ryan said pulling frankie out of her thoughts.

"ryan" she sighed. if the story was over why was she still writing pages?

"its okay frankie. i already told you i'd wait for you, however long it takes" ryan said looking at her seriously.

her heart fluttered at that, and she softly smiled at him.

"i won't make you wait long leonard" she said pholding out her pinky.

"and I'll hold you too that" he said locking it around hers.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

this idea came from @crazy4minty !! she ate with this lol. i had never made the connection... im seriously thinking about renaming the au to death by a thousand cuts. anyways I have a really bad fever right now, so im probably done with writing for today! <3

[marunalu]

Hi. Many fans disappointed with new chapter. I see many complaining. I am more pissed because of Bakugo.

I am now sure that in next chapter Izuku will be catched by Ochako or sonehow Shigaraki give Izuku OFA back or his original quirk. Dont know.

How do you think DFO will be revealed then Shigaraki and AFO destroyed? Both spirituality and phisicaly.

Well, its no wonder people are upset after that shitfest of a chapter. That propably was the most anticlimactic final bossfight I have ever seen in a manga and after all the talking how izuku wants to safe tomura, dude just dies and izuku is fine with it. He just failed his attempt to save the person he wanted to save the most, but hey I guess the fistbum makes up for it (it does NOT!) Im actually curious how the japanese fanbase reacted to all of that.

I mean, of course hori had to force bakugou in it for a final time. Hes his golden baby boy afterall. Izuku cant do anything without bakugous or other peoples help. He is not allowed to shine on his own in his own fight against the main villain in HIS story. Nope, bakugou needed to help to give the final blow to afo TWICE, because HE is the true VIP of mha! I have actually seen quite a few bakugou fan who were not happy about it. If even his FANS complain about how forced and unnecessary that part was, maybe hori should ask himself if his staning for that one specific character is not going a little bit to far. I mean, seems like we just were all dumb. At the beginning of the story we were told izuku is a useless loser because he cant do anything without the help of others and in the end it turns out it was true. How could we not see that comming? The mc was not allowed to defeat the main villain himself and needs others, espicially his abuser to help him. Wow, what a great message! And the most depressing point is that hori was clearly trying to make that look like a positiv thing. There is one thing I can say for sure. I will never touch any work from hori ever again.

If this was really the conclusion of the final fight, then congratulation hori, you managed to write a more rushed and horrible conclusion for your story, then tite kubo did with bleach (which to be fair was not kubos fault but shonen jumps). Hori did literally EVERY SINGLE character except bakugou dirty and in the end even startet to write against his own established themes in the story.

Regarding dfo: I already mentioned it a few times in the past. Im still positiv dfo is canon BUT I also said I dont think anymore that dfo will end in a satisfying way. Which actually goes against what hori said, that readers wont feel dissapointed when he reveals hisashis true identity. But, right now I dont see how hori plans to manage that even with a twist. Even if lets say the clone theory ends up true (which would be hilarious because I was JOKING when I came up with it), it still would feel like so much wasted potential. And the thing is, while it would make me happy if it turns out true I would still be mad about all the rest hori fucked up which would make it impossible for me to enjoy the dfo reveal. And as much as I love dfo, if it turns out the afo clone theory is true and hisashi is the real afo who gets a happy ending while tomura stays dead and doesnt get one after everything afo did to him and the rest of the lov stay miserable too, I will still give hori the middlefinger. The only way I would be able to enjoy it is if hisashi ends up as the afo clone who choose a different path then his original body. It would still make dfo canon just in a unexpected way and it could be interesting to see in hisashi that afo COULD have been happy if he had choose a similar way.

I dont know, maybe in the end there is really some kind of twist involved. Shonen jump still hasnt announced that mha will end in the next few chapters and normally they do that at least 5-10 chapters before the final chapter. Maybe we are just panicking over nothing and hori has everything planned out perfectly. Maybe there is more to come. We really cant say for sure. There are still some plots who need answers and I cant see how hori wants to conclude everything in just 2 more chapters. On the other side this final arc was horrible rushed, even more horrible written and all in all a big dissapointment and waste of a lot of peoples time.

Who knows maybe thats why there is a break next week. So hori can wait for the reactions of the readers and include whatever twist he may think could work.

[lostinvasileios]

im very sorry for asking this and please ignore it if its too much but,

have you.... ever been... su1c1d4l during your journey? did it... i dont know, ever make your deities feel... disrespected? like, you cant stop feeling so depressed and hopless and it just sort of hurts them? something like that? im sorry i dont know how to phrase it

thank you for reading this im so sorry if it triggered you or anything

Greetings, sweetbee. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, please, don't feel worried about reaching out to someone about this. I'm happy to help. 🩷🩷

Okay, so... Baby bee, it doesn't hurt deities when you feel depressed. When you battle suicidal thoughts. Or anything else that falls under those categories. Self harm, abusive environments, ect. They don't expect you to live for them, they don't expect you to suddenly become happy and for your mental illnesses &/or struggles to just pop out of existence because you're now worshiping or practicing.

Because they understand it.

I believe gods were once human a few times. I believe that gods understand the conditions, the harm, the - well - everything. They aren't going to approach your vulnerability with demands.

Now... I did struggle with it. I still do from time to time. I dealt with suicidal thoughts and depression since I was in the 2nd grade. And, in no way did it ever... Harmfully impact my relationship with my deities. My self harming never made them disgusted, they never judged me for the ways I'd cope, for the triggers I had, for the needs they met during my toughest times.

Yes, you can live for a deity or deities. I actually do it. It saved my life. But it's optional. And they won't feel - betrayed, or something like that because you cannot say with certainty you'll live for them. That you'll survive for them.

I didn't have a reason to keep living, I didn't see one. And that's why my deities became it. That's why we swore it to one another. Not out of obligation, not out of fear of them being hurt from otherwise.

In my experience, the only hurt I've seen from my deities regarding my mental issues and ect, was - well - the pain it caused me. It pained them to see me in pain. But it didn't make them want to leave me, it didn't make them irritated or feel disrespected because I cried in their presence. They didn't feel disrespected when I had so many fears and doubts that I for a long time couldn't even believe they were really... Real.

Deities know the difference from fear, from sorrow and pain speech, to disrespect and blatant hateful speech. They know your intentions, even if you yourself do not.

It can hurt your deities when they witness their beloved going through such a hard time. When they see them going through abuse, torment, and inflicting that pain on themselves, or seeing it as they deserved it/ect.

Deities want you to live a life that makes you happy, that's - healthy and loving for you. For your soul. They don't want to see their loved devotee/practitioner off themselves, to cut or starve themselves, to punish themselves for what other people did to them or what they feel is deserving of doing so. If that makes sense. They want to help. To be there. To try and let you see that you are lovable, that there is a life out there for you, that - you're worth it.

Apollon witnessed my depression firsthand when I started practicing. He didn't scowl at me when I was crying my heart out. Snotting and gasping, just - being a very big mess in front of him. He didn't see me as weak or as disrespectful. In fact, I've found out that deities - enjoy it. Well, not seeing you so upset, of course. But they enjoy that you trust them enough to do that with them.

To let yourself be so - raw. To feel these deep, stabbing emotions around them. From what I've experienced, they love being able to comfort their sweet ones. They love being able to tenderly hold them and shower them in kisses &/or kind words. To - reassure them.

Apollon listened to my vents night after night, he held my hands and let me know I was heard. I was - seen. I was loved.

Despite how much I feared love, despite how much I thought nobody would ever be able to understand, my deities showed me just that. Understanding, love, care, gentleness, and everything else I thought I never deserved. Especially not from beings so beautiful and perfect in my eyes.

You don't need to be scared to show your emotions around your deities. To show them your wounds. To - show them your pain. Just as, you don't need to be afraid to show them your happiness. Your interests. Your safe spaces.

Your deities want to be there for you, I promise. 🌼

[melodicaprils]

alright everyone. its time for the long awaited mikesys headcanons!!

(no applause)

uh anyway (warning spoilers for my fic that i have not posted) (also most hc r based off of real evidence!!)

chester:

introject of dead father

he acts like what a 5 year olds perspective of what an old man is bc young mike never rlly knew his father

formed first

can b as secretive as mike for some topics

loves rlly old books n cares for them like theyre babies

does care abt the system a lot, he just doesnt show it easily

is actually rlly good at masking

is "too old for love"

color i chose for him is gray

svetlana:

trans n lesbian!!!!!!

physical protector

formed 3rd, around the same time as manitoba

showed up bc the sys' not mentally stable mom was pushing them too much into their gymnastics (also she prob wanted a girl)

has trouble w/ taking breaks from practice

loves "girly" stuff like dressing up n makeup

trash at masking

color i chose for her is pink

vito:

trauma holder, but calls himself the "social protector"

remembers all the physical trauma

has dysthymia (which im pretty sure is like major depression, but its less severe n lasts way longer)

last to form

beats himself up abt anne marias whole "left u for a rock" thing

wears a mask w/ a smile for hours at a time

actually rlly sweet n caring

hates his physical appearance

writes poems (this isnt shown in the show i just think it would b funky)

decent at masking

showed up cuz mike got rejected by the only person who cared abt him

color i chose for him is red

manitoba:

internal self helper

not a fictive, hes just like that

based his whole personality on old australian sexist movies

secretly thinks its funny when ppl dont understand his australian slang

least traumatized

color is light brown

mal:

persecutor + trauma holder (but then bc of a real redemption arc that really occured hes now just a protector + trauma holder)

remembers all the mental trauma

reset button? what reset button? systems cant just reset their brain, silly

trash at cooking, like anything can be burnt to a crisp

listens to breakcore (specifically breakcore covers of classical songs)

was y the system went to juvie

main host for the entire time there

hated it after a while

like many former persecutors, he thought what he was doing was best for the body

doesnt actually hate the system (except for mike i mean what)

secretly enjoyed it when zoey treated him lovingly cuz she thought he was mike

color is dark blue

[mandomaterial]

Forgotten pt.5

Pairing: Tonowari x Metkayina!Reader

Wordcount: 3.4k

Warnings: none actually, maybe a little angst, crying, Jake and ‘wari are bros, siblings being nice to each other, little fluff

Notes: sorry this took so long- but i hope you you like it. Im going post anther vote about what’s going to happen cus i cant decide for myself :P it’s pretty important to the plot so please check it out once i post it. Pic not mine, credit to the owner!

Masterlist /// Previous /// Next

Tonowari stood at the edge of the beach, staring out at the endless expanse of water that stretched out before him. It had been a week since his mate had been taken by the enemy, but the pain in his heart had not lessened.

He missed you so much, and the thought of never seeing her again was almost too much to bear. He had retreated to the beach, hoping that the sound of the waves crashing against the shore would soothe his troubled soul.

As he stood there, lost in his thoughts, for who knows how long until he felt a presence approach him. Thinking it was one of the hunters, he shook off his thoughts and prepared to speak to his clan member. But to his surprise, it was Jake.

Tonowari stayed silent as he watched the warrior come closer to him, coming to a stop next to him. “Mind if I join you?” he asked the Olo’eyktan, who made a little hand movement, signaling that it was alright. Over the last few months, Tonowari and Jake grew closer, even becoming friends, they had a few things in common; being a clan leader and the burden of it, experience in battle; and most of all, a family that they’d protect with their life.

Jake sat down, and patted the ground, silently asking Tonowari to take a seat as well. He obliged, taking in the view of the ocean. "Beautiful, isn't it?" Jake said, trying to break the heavy silence that hung between them. Tonowari nodded but didn't say anything. He was lost in his thoughts, consumed by the pain of his loss. Speaking felt all too difficult for him on some days, as if his mouth was filled with endless sand, scratching his tongue and trickling done his throat.

Jake knew better than to push him to talk, so he simply sat there in silence, his presence a comforting reminder that he was not alone. Tonowari wanted to talk, he didn’t know about what, but he wanted to talk. The only problem was that he didn’t want to speak; he didn’t want to utter a single word, for that is how he handled his grief. So he settled on the next best thing, signing.

« I miss her » he signed, hoping that Jake caught on.

“Huh- Oh…”

« I miss her so terribly much. She is my everything and she was taken from me » he continued «It was my purpose to protect her; to make her happy. I failed. I failed her, Jake… »

Jake sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I know, tsmukan. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through right now. I know it hurts; I feel your suffering.”

« I don’t know how to go on without her » he signed, feeling utterly depressed, tears gathering in his eyes, threatening to spill.

“You have to go on. I know it’s hard; I hit rock bottom once too. But once you do, the only way is up.” he retaliated, tightening his grip on his friend’s shoulder “You have to be strong for your people; for your children. They need you, now more than ever! Be there for them. Be their rock.”

Hearing this brought a sense of responsibility over Tonowari. Jake was right, he needs to be strong for his people and his family. Tonowari looked out at the ocean again, his mind racing with thoughts and memories. He knew that it would be difficult but he would manage, he was the leader after all; everyone believed in him and he couldn’t let them lose that trust. He would do his best to bring his people happiness, just like you did. He would be like you. Now that he thought about it, it was all the small things you did that spread joy throughout the village. You did so many good things and everyone enjoyed them; your parties, the dances you learned with the performers, your singing -oh how he missed your singing… your gentle voice- the list goes on and on. Tonowari would do everything you did, to the best of his abilities.

After a few more moments the two men got back on their feet, looking at each other. Tonowari signed «Thank you, brother» before reaching his arm out for their handshake. Jake cracked a smile and joined in. Not long after the two parted ways, Jake was on his way back to the village and Tonowari still walking along the beach.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Tonowari walked along the beach, the sun beating down on his back. He decided to go visit your favorite spot, a small cove filled with shells and small wildlife. Approaching the cove, he saw his son, Ao'nung, sitting alone in the sand, staring out at the ocean. Why was he here? Why wasn’t he with his friends?

“Ao'nung” Tonowari said, his voice soft. Ao'nung turned to him, eyes red-rimmed with tears. Seeing his usually happy and mischievous son like this made Tonowari’s heart crack a little as he sat down next to him, sighing. "What are you doing out here all alone?" he asked.

Ao'nung just shrugged, trying to avoid talking about his feelings. “Why aren’t you out having fun with your friends? A young boy shouldn’t be sitting all alone in an isolated cove all day. How did you find this place anyway…” his father tried again.

“Mom showed me… she said it was her favorite.” He uttered with a cracking voice. “That is true; this is your mother's favorite place. I spent a lot of time here with her. And… we took you here just after you were born. We were so happy” Tonowari smiled at the memories as he told his son about the little cove. Ao'nung liked listening to stories about you, so he asked “Did anything else happen here?”

Tonowari shuffled a bit closer, wrapping an arm around his son. “I asked her to be my mate here.” As he said this he felt Ao'nung’s ears and eyes twitch in curiosity “It was a beautiful day and I had planned it out for weeks. Your mother was actually quite oblivious to all my advances, so I had to sit her down and tell her very clearly that I wished to court her.” Tonowari chuckled “I led her here at noon so that no one would bother us. She thought we were going out for a picnic, which we actually did, but I wanted to give her a proper courting gift as well. I gifted her a beautiful necklace that I spent a week making myself. Do you know the one that she wears on special occasions? The one with the many shells and pearls?” His son nodded “That’s the one I gave her when she accepted. I was so happy that she wanted to be with me. It was one of the best days of my life” He grinned as he looked down at his son.

“I miss her, Dad. I miss her so much.” He said, his voice full of despair.

“I know, I miss her too…” Tonowari replied, patting his son's shoulder. “But we need to be happy. She wouldn’t want us to be sad right? Mama wants us to be happy… even if she isn’t here with us…” he tried to comfort his son.

A tear rolled down Ao'nung’s cheek “I don’t want to be happy… not when she’s not here. I feel guilty…”

“Ma’itan, listen. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I know that we will see her again. And until then, we have to live, we have to keep her within our hearts, and we have to live for her. She might be scared and unhappy, but if we live, welcoming every emotion, she will feel it; she will feel us. Through our great mother, Eywa. Do you understand?” He held eye contact with his son “We need to be strong. I need to be strong, but I can’t do it alone. So I need you and your sister to be strong. If we are, then Eywa will lead her back to us.”

Ao'nung felt a lot better after his father's little pep talk, he swore that he would try and live, he would try to be happy; for you. Together they sat at the shore, not talking, just enjoying the sea until it started getting darker. Tonowari spoke up “Come, we must head back, or else they will start sending out troops to find us.” He joked a little. Ao'nung cracked a smile and walked close next to his father, still feeling a little down. Of course, Tonowari noticed this and put his hand on Ao'nung’s shoulder “Don’t worry, everything will be alright” he comforted the boy as they walked.

After hearing that little pep talk

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Back at the village, they parted ways; Ao'nung joined his friends, that were hanging out with the Sully kids by a rock pool and Tonowari tended to his people.

The group saw Ao’nung coming and waved him over., geeking over Lo’ak. He sat down next to Tsireya and listened in to the conversation. They were talking about when the Tulkuk would return, but he didn’t care. His mind was swarmed with memories and thoughts about you. Were you okay? Were you going to come back? How long would it be till he would see you again? It was as if a light went on- the spirit tree. He could try to see you there.

Ao'nung pondered whether or not he should tell his sister when the group suddenly started getting up. Pushing his thoughts to the side, he stood up as well and looked at his sister in confusion. She got the memo and whispered to him “They have to go to a family meeting” “Ah- okay” he replied. The sullys left and Tsireya was about to accompany Lo’ak when Ao'nung called out to her “Hey wait- I need to talk to you. Alone.” he added, to make sure that the sully boy would leave.

His sister waved off the guy and then turned to him. “What's going on?” Ao'nung shuffled around and mumbled, “I’m going to the spirit tree, you wanna come with'?” He hoped that he would say yes; he didn’t want to go all alone.

Tsireya let out a little gasp “But it’s already eclipse… you know that we aren’t allowed to leave the reef this late…” Ao'nung rolled his eyes “Of course I know! But I have to go… I need to see Mom… you do too, right?”

Tsireya was unsure, she wanted to see you but she also do want to get in trouble with her already tense Father. The need to feel you again was greater than the one to not get in trouble. “Okay… but we can’t be seen!” She warned as Ao'nung started smirking.

They waited until most of the people retreated to their pods for the evening, then sneaking to the shore while calling for Ilus. Two instantly appeared and they looked around one last time before making the bond and diving under.

They traveled swiftly under the dense water, only seldomly coming up to the surface for air, having done this all their life. The Ilu passed the reef barrier unnoticed and soon they were out in the open sea, on their way to the cove of the ancestors.

Having been there many times, they didn’t even need to think about the way, they knew it by heart. Although they never imagined coming here together this late for a reason they could never have expected. A truly sad reason. As they closed the distance between them and the sacred place, Tsireya felt her eyes start to sting, quelling with tears, even under the water she felt the tears rolling off her cheeks, letting out little sniffles when she raised her head out of the water.

Ao'nung heard her little sounds of distress and slowed down, swimming closer to her. He gave her a look that asked if she was okay. That only made her shake her head and leg out little sobs. Her brother felt his heart sink, he hated seeing his sister like this, so unhappy. He gently pulled her and rested his head on hers, rubbing her back with his hand. “Hey… it’s okay… we can go back if you want?” “no…no, I wanna go… we came all this w-way…” she whimpered.

“Alright… it’s not much further” Ao'nung reassured her whilst slowly letting go of her. She rubbed the last of her tears away and followed her older brother's lead to the cove. The waves were calm and little whitecaps tickled her legs as the cove came into view.

Everything was silent except for the gentle sound of waves crashing against rock. The peaceful and familiar atmosphere calmed the teenagers down as they entered the sacred grounds. Ao'nung looked back to his sister, waiting for her to catch up.

Once together, they broke tsaheylu and swam closer to the tree. Tsireya gripped her brother's hand and he gave it a little squeeze in return. Taking a deep breath they dove under the water's surface, swimming closer calmly. Suddenly a sense of nervousness washed over them, not feeling ready to face you. But together they pushed forward, holding each other's hand until they were just in es apart from a bright leaf of the tree.

Reaching back, they both took a hold of their queue and brought it in front of them, close to their heart. With one last look at each other, they bonded with the tree. For a few moments they felt nothing, but as soon as they opened their eyes again they were met with sunshine. It was a strange feeling, to see the sun when they knew that it was dark. As they looked around more, they noticed that they were on the beach of the reef, somewhere where they spend most of their time.

It looked like the beach was empty, except for a slender figure, crouched down collecting shells. Instantly they recognized the figure, it was you. With unsteady steps Ao'nung started walking towards you, pulling his sister along with him.

There was barely any distance left between you when he spoke up “Mom?” with a shaky voice. Recognizing the voice you turned around looking up at them before standing up yourself, storing the little shoes in a pouch that was strapped to your hip.

You saw that sadness struck their faces and yours scrunched up in confusion “Is everything alright? Did something happen?” you asked with a concerned voice.

Tsireya looked down, not being able to answer so Ao'nung replied “N-no… everything’s okay,” with a shaky voice “we just m-missed you”, he couldn’t stop his hands from shaking while he held eye contact.

You cooed and pulled them close, each under one of your arms, and hugged them tightly. “Don’t worry parultsyìp, I’m right here. I’ll always be.” Hearing that made both of your children break down, being unable to hold back sobs of sorrow and pain, holding tightly onto you. This worried you even more. What had happened? Why were they so upset?

You gently guided them down onto the sand so that they could calm down, but they continued to cry. You didn’t know what to say, you’d never seen them like this before, so you just stayed silent; comforting them with gentle pats and little shushes.

This went on for a while, but you just let them cry it out; let them spill all their pushed-down emotions. You started stroking your fingers through their thick locks of hair and smiled, they’d inherited that from their father.

Their cries muted to sniffles and your hands tilted their chins up so you could see their faces. Eyes bloodshot and nose stuffy, they looked just as precious as always, you thought while gently caressing their small faces, even if they weren’t that small anymore.

“I missed you, mama…” you heard Tsireya whisper, not knowing what she meant because you’d been with them in the morning. “I missed you too 'itetsyìp” you have her a little kiss on top of her head. You noticed your son shuffle a little and out of maternal instinct, you knew that he wanted affection as well. “I missed you too ma'itan” you smiled and gave him the same little kiss on the head.

They both snuggled closer, never letting you go. You knew that they didn’t want to talk about whatever happened so you just let them be, spending some quality time with them. The three of you stayed silent, enjoying each other’s presence as you watched the ocean.

But soon Ao'nung felt his throat constrict, he knew that they needed to return to the surface for air, so he grabbed his sister's hand and squeezed it. She seemed to get the same feeling as him and simultaneously their eyes shifted to you. You returned a curious look and offered a smile. “Do you need to go? Are you supposed to be somewhere else?” You questioned with a joking tone in your voice.

Their eyes only turned sad; they had to leave you. Leaning close to you they hugged you tightly; not ever wanting to let go. They whispered “I love you” while pressing their faces into your chest; getting as close as possible one last time. You chuckled and returned “I love you two as well. You know that right? No need to be upset…” They didn’t respond, only trying to stay with you for a few more moments.

Ao'nung opened his eyes and you were gone; he was back underwater, in dire need of air. He looked over to his sister and saw that sadness has struck her face once again. He held onto her smaller hand and undid the bond. She did the same and they floated up together. Both of them took a deep breath once they reached the surface, air filling their lungs.

Just breathing for a few minutes, they stared up into the sky. The stars flickered brighter than ever it seemed, with no clouds hiding them. They decided to stick around a little bit and continue looking at the stars. Swimming over to the little rock shore took a few minutes but as they sat on the small smoothed down rocks, it was worth it; truly a beautiful sight.

Peace and quiet filled the air, calming the troubled young souls as they stared into the sky. “Ao'nung… thanks for taking me with you…” Tsireya whispered, turning her head to look at him. He looked back “Thanks for coming with me” he whispered while smiling.

Just as they were about to call out for Ilus Ao'nung spotted something traveling through the waves. He instantly grabbed his sister and pushed her down, accidentally making her swallow water. She was just about to jell at him when he shook his head and had a panicked look on his face; she stayed silent and searched for the thing he’d seen.

As the figure came closer it seemed to take the shape of a person riding a tsurak. Who else would come out here this late? The two of them stayed hidden and continued watching. The animal came to a stop just in front of the spirit tree and the figure dove under.

Not being able to see from the surface the two teenagers also stuck their heads underwater to try and find out who it was. The certainty didn’t expect to see their father on his way to the tree. Had he found out that the two of them snuck away? How did he find out that they were here?

But it seemed like he wasn’t looking for anything. We just raised his queue, making the bond with a leaf. The two siblings shot each other a confused look, wondering what he could be doing when Tsireya suddenly realized. «I think… I think he’s here to see Mom… just like us» she signed underwater. Ao'nung’s face scrunched in realization; of course, he was here to do that.

Another thing crossed his mind «We need to go back to the village,» he signed «before he does, or else we’ll be in a lot of trouble» Tsireya agreed and they quietly called for their ilus, hoping that their father wouldn’t realize. They got on and started to ride away when they looked back one more time. Even though they couldn’t see their father's face, they could tell that he was grieving, noticing how his body tensed up unnaturally and he clenched his fists. The two felt bad for him; they’d try to comfort him tomorrow.

With that, they sped off back to the village.

[dreamsy990]

so 358/2 days, amiright? heres my thoughts

this game is just. god its an emotional rollarcoaster

i guess ill start with the things i dont like!! which is mostly the gameplay. i dont really mind the mission structure shockingly (i like being able to roam around but having a clear goal makes things easier for my adhd ass, and i think the miniature storylines are very good for the most part) but i simply could Not get into the combat. especially coming off of kh2 it feels so stiff and unfun to play the only part of the game where i enjoyed the combat was fighting riku at the very end. i think the panel system is okay but i dont like that levels take up space. why did they do that.

story-wise, i dont like the retcons!! a lot of the ones i take issue with are very minor but things like roxas only fighting riku once instead of the implied multiple times (even the dialogue doesnt make sense when you change that, why does roxas say 'how many times do i have to beat you' when theyve only fought once?) are the kinds of inconsistencies that just annoy me.

im also a little bit annoyed at the very concept of this game at all. i think roxas worked just fine as a character without this game. it feels sort of unnecessary in the grand scheme of things. also, xion. i love xion, dont get me wrong, but i dont think she adds anything to the series over all. thats not to say she doesnt add anything to this game because shes a great character and i love her, but shes just. kind of like this game in that if you got rid of her i dont think it would really change the narrative so much.

BUT DESPITE THAT ALL!!!!!!!! i fucking ADORE this game. it is genuinely so full of charm and soul that i just cant bring myself to dislike it. i think this is one of the best written games in terms of dialogue. every scene (at least for me) hit exactly as emotionally hard as i think it was meant to. i was laughing at demyx's antics and crying at xions death and yelling at saix and i think thats exactly how the game is meant to be seen.

days at its heart is a slice of life. its working a 9 to 5 its going through a depressive episode its losing friends its grieving its making fun of your coworkers its living. its a game about life and i love that.

this game really did make me forget that axel roxas and xion dont get a happy ending. i spent so much time looking forward to them making up that i forgot that roxas ran away. hell i almost forgot that xion died.

days is emotional and its story and its characters are just so fucking good. the conflicts all felt very real and you can tell exactly where everyones coming from. the way axel roxas and xion fall apart hits so fucking close to home. but god damnit if axel had any good communication skills like half of this could be avoided

its also one hell of a love letter to axel's character. hes always been one of my favorites (he recently earned first place) and i think this game does him a lot of justice. hes trying to do good. he wants to keep everything together he wants to be there for his friends he wants to make things right but he just cant. its just AUGH its so fucking good

that thing about axel's characterization really also applies to roxas. i dont have much to say about him beyond the fact that i think it does his character very well. also tism. hes so autism.

i kind of like the very limited graphics too. sue me i enjoy low quality games. the hands are not animated and they all have two expressions (blinking and not blinking) and their weapons are flat and im living for it. the very few fully animated cutscenes are good too!!

the (real, i dont count riku) final boss is unfortunately very easy. you can just stand directly in front of her and mash a she wont hit you its too easy but vector to the heavens did mess me up a bit. also earlier scene but "ill always be there to bring you back" with the other promise playing over it? fucked me up man. yoko shimomura is once again killing it

i cant believe roxas didnt get to go to the beach.

i have to give this game a 9/10. its writing is incredible but the gameplay could use a lot of work. its just not fun to play. but again the characters, emotions, and music all make up for that tenfold.

[throwingmuses]

slightly long-ish post below the read more asking for help with longstanding creative blocks that i cant figure out how to navigate by myself + could use some advice from people on here who have most likely experienced the same or at least similar issue and what helped them break the pattern

its actually very very depressing that ive been struggling so deeply with artists/writers/musicians block for over 2 consecutive years now because those are the only things that really fulfill me and give my life meaning ever since i first started engaging in creative stuff as a little kid. like i truly feel like those are the only actual skills i possess and even sometimes excel at but now it just feels like its just... gone forever. i try to sit down with a pen and paper with the intention to write or draw, or force myself to bring my guitar out to pluck a few strings just to say i did something at the very least, but nothing ever really comes of it. ive got so much shit bottled up in me that i desperately need to express but i just... cant bring myself to do literally anything some reason. the constant anhedonia i feel is honestly ruining my life and worsening my substance abuse. i can remember how relieved and proud i felt whenever i could even just finish a collage, make a painting, write a poem, or even just make up a little riff on guitar. i miss that feeling so so so much and my biggest fear is that my creativity (which has been the most important aspect in my life ever since i was old enough to sing and draw) is just... completely gone. im not really a spiritual person but i do feel strongly that my sense of creativity has a deep connection to my soul (whatever that means). and i often berate myself for just like, not doing it, despite the fact that i have the space and all the tools at my disposal that i can use to create a variety of things. i hate when i find myself seething about other peoples success in making art, and then i hate myself even more over the fact that im too occupied with my personal failures as a creative person to truly enjoy and be happy for the people that can and do create. sorry if this sounds whiny or trivial but its been weighing really heavily on my conscious lately. i know i desperately need to express the intense emotions ive been bottling up, but because i feel practically incapable of creating really anything, i just stifle my intense emotions via the aforementioned substance abuse. i feel like ive reached a dead end at this point, so i thought itd be worth going out on a limb by asking if anybody else on here has ever found themselves in a similar sitiation and were able to overcome those barriers and reconnect with their artistic selves? i just dont know what to do anymore and its driving me crazy, and ive never had a therapist that has offered any helpful advice on this issue

[random-potato-mil]

So I watched Asher Gharavi new shorts video about The Mourner and it send my brain in a creative spiral.

I don't write very often and mostly for school, but I felt like writing this down. Dosent have anything to do with the short other than the concept of the mourner and how it works.

So if you wanna read that it's under the cut:

Tw: mention of dead, illness and similar

Sry for spelling mistakes I can't be bothered to fixed them.

They say that stories live forever and i suppose thats the reason im writing this. One last story so there is still a part of me left when im gone.

The stories call it the mourner. A creature with a human like siluote. If you see it from a distance it would fool you, but when it is right in front of you its a diffrent story. Its eyes are long and dripping, red around the edges, with a milky dust color. No iris. And its skin is cracky like old dry wall, its limps seeming unable to hold themselves up. It would look completly dead if not for the slow rythmic moves of its body when it breathes.

You probably already know what it means when someone has seen the mourner, but this is not some heart warming victory story of narrowly avoding my own dead and living to tell the tale. No. The mourner is still here with me as i write.

However before going any furtere with my story i need to confess something. I dident belive the mourner was real. I thought it was just some tale told to scare kids or some mass hallucination. It seems more likely that peopel experiencing near death events starts hallucinating and sees the creatures that they have been told would show up. But it does exists. At least i dont want to belive its an hallucination. It calms me. I know i know. Most peopel describe it as beeing scary and feeling fear as they see it. And i understand why someone would feel that way. Beeing scared of the mourner. But you cant really blame it for how it looks.

When it came my first thoughts was something of the lines of "guess its my time now". That might sound very depressing but i have known for a while i dident have a lot of time left. The doctors have increased my medication recently and i am stuck in bed. I do get visits and see the nurse's then and there, but it still feels very lonely. And do know i dont blame anyone for me feeling this way. I know they are sparring all the time they can to come check on me, despite it not beeing a pretty version of me to remember. My grandkid Brielle couldent even regonise me with all the tubes, and hided behind her mom. She is such a sweet little girl, and it broke my heart.

I suppose that might have influenced my reaction to the mourner. Despite its looks it reminded me of some etheral mother forced to see its children pass away. All the stories of survivers telling that the mourner helped them escape their fate made alot more sense after i saw it myself. It looked like it wanted to help. To change my fate. But it was simply unable too.

The mourner took a seat at the bed next to mine, and laid a hand on the blanket that hugged me. Its dripping eyes looking at me sadly. I think it might have been crying for me. Is crying for me. It stayed silent. After a bit i gathered enough strength to say a weak "your real" though a few coughs and give my best smile. A sad smile.

The mourner hasent left my side since then, and i do enjoy the company. I do feel my power weaken and my body giving away to this diseases growing inside of me, but im not scared. I think it will be okay on the other side.

Call me naive but seeing the mourner has given me the belief in the supernatural. If it can exists why not an afterlife?

I suppose the moral of the story is that you shouldent be scared of the mourner. It dosent mean any harm. And to my daughter. I love you. You have grown into a wonderful adult. Im sorry i wont be able to be with you in the future. You got this.

Love

- Gran