#i cant beat the joy out of the things i once did anymore
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blueempty · 10 months ago
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I cant see shit when I take pictures facing the sun, its a miracle theyre often in focus
Had another late rise today. I hope I find the strength to wake up at 11am again soon. Today was good because I was not at jury duty. Thats all I can really ask for
I'm gonna start trying to learn one kanji a day on top of practicing my kana and numbers, and first one I picked is probably more complicated than I should have chosen, but I have a history with chinese characters so the complexity of the particular kanji isnt really a concern for me
Today I went with 願 (ねが ne ga), because I was going through my lessons again and like the first thing they teach you is introduce yourself! Say "onegaishimasu" and then I look up to read the kana and it says お願いします, and I'm like come on bro. So I learned that one. Maybe thats how I'll choose, I'll just go by whatever pops up next in my lessons lol. Its 19 strokes but I sat there and did it over and over for like 10 minutes and I think i got it. I actually like learning stroke order and stuff. I always preferred writing chinese over speaking it
I really need to get back to streaming, which i say all the time, but speedrunning and goofy challenge runs would be good for streams. Im trying to beat Onimusha without upgrading weapons or using healing items right now. The trick with that is if you kill enemies with an issen strike they always drop health souls, but issen are very hard to pull off. It forces you to really learn every enemies attack animations well, which is something I love doing
A big point of contention with me and my friends rn is they dont get how I can just sit and play Monster Hunter for multiple hours at a time. My brother has admitted many times now thay he is never paying attention when we play, he just auto pilots fights because he doesnt find enjoyment in fighting them once hes basically seen everything they can do. But like thats the fun, is learning how kill things faster and more efficiently. I can play for hours on end because its fun to react to something a monster did and cause it to fall out of the air mid jump because you knew your weapons hitboxes well enough to hit it backwards while it was above you. And then he points out thats the fun of fighting games and asks why i dont wanna play those anymore, and I'm like because I fucking hate other humans and the way their minds work lol. I want to abuse a poor helpless CPU player that cant even stand on two legs. The lizard men in Onimusha raise their little cleaver and I go haha idiot, and I instant kill their ass. Thats what sparks joy for me. Thats also why I've been playing games alone for two months I guess hehe
Anyways, thats not really me complaining exactly, I'm trying to be aware of my negativity you see, thats all to say that I love the slop Capcom puts in my trough. It's good slop. I'm also so fucking excited for Splatoon 3 Side Order (i guess) but more importantly HYDLIDE 3 COMES OUT TODAY YAHOOOO
Heres my kanji for today cuz the night sky hasnt been very photogenic around here. With and without guides
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Live Long and Prosper
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baroquebucky · 4 years ago
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lover is a day
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a/n: hi pals !! here is a sort of angsty but fluffy fic inspired by another cuco song ! i cant believe tfaws is over i miss them already :[ lyrics in bold ! srry for any typos </3
buckys mind is racing all the time, you’re there to slow him down
word count: 3.1k
masterlist
will you love this part of me?
Bucky tried his damn best to keep you out of the avenging part of his love. He never introduced you to the team, only telling Steve about you and Sam finding out because he stole Buckys phone and you just so happened to call him.
You saw the trends on Twitter, seeing the videos of your boyfriend easily take down seven men in a bar in madripoor. You tried your best to not watch it, knowing he wouldn’t want you to. Curiosity getting the best of you, you clicked the trend, mouth dropping as you saw the way he fought.
His eyes were cold, he moved like it was second nature to him, it was frightening to see how easy it came to him.
You jumped as your phone vibrated, an incoming call from bucky pausing the video. You hesitated before answering, putting on a bright smile and trying to forget what you had just seen.
“hi doll face” Bucky smiled, you heard the thumping of music in the background.
“hi buck, are you at a club?” You questioned, a smile on your face as he let out a sigh, rolling onto his back on the couch he was on.
“I’m at Sharon’s place, she has this whole museum club thing going on” he explained, your eyes wide at the mention of the agent.
“Sharon? like Steve Sharon? Sharon from shield?” You questioned, bucky smiled at your interest, nodding along to your words, quickly replying when he realized you weren’t on FaceTime.
Bucky kept you in the loop, not wanting you to get caught off guard if anything were to happen. He just made sure you were never in danger and no one knew about you, as much as he’d want to shout from the roof just how much he loved you.
“that’s the one, I’ll explain when i get back” he spoke calmly, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands as he put you on speaker.
Bucky talked about some movie he wanted to watch, your mind drifting back to the video, your heart thumping in your ears.
“doll?” He asked, his voice echoing in you room.
“what, sorry i got distracted” you replied, trying to play it off. Bucky frowned, his heart sinking at the realization.
“you saw it” he spoke simply, moving to sit up on the couch again, his eyes focusing on the floor.
You wanted to lie, say you had no idea what he was talking about. But you couldn’t, mouth opening only to close seconds later.
“I never wanted you to see that part of me” he spoke, you stayed quiet, letting him talk.
“Doll, I’m not him anymore i promise” he hesisted, “Zemo made me do it and i didn’t think i would- i just im gonna go” he spoke, hanging up quickly, heart heavy.
Furthering my distance from you
Bucky was never the best at speaking his mind, always too caught up in his own thoughts to say what he felt, thinking it never mattered and he should keep to himself.
You texted him right after, telling him to please take care, that you loved him. He didn’t reply.
It wasn’t for another couple days when he came home, entering quietly trying to not wake you up in case you were asleep already.
He set his bags down softly, entering the room and expecting to find you curled up. Buckys heart raced as he looked up to see you staring at him with a smile on your face, getting off the bed quickly and throwing yourself onto him.
“i missed you so much james” you whispered, squeezing him slightly as your arms wrapped around him.
“y/n i-” he began, pushing you back softly. You let go reluctantly, knowing he wanted his space.
I’m okay as long as you keep me from going crazy
“Bucky, it’s okay” you replied, stopping him from going down a rabbit hole if you didn’t. You looked at him, the light from your bedside lamp only slightly illuminating the room.
“i know thats not you anymore, sometimes you have to do something’s to get stuff and i get that angel” you spoke, looking at him softly, slowly grabbing his hand and squeezing.
“i still love you bucky, with all my heart” you smiled, wishing you could see the way his cheeks flushed at your words.
He looked up from the floor, you could barely making out the way his lips turned up in a small smile.
“do you really?” He whispered, stepping closer so that your faces were only inches apart. You nodded, eyes flickering to his lips after a couple of seconds.
“I love you more doll” he replied, ears burning as you pulled him in for a kiss, holding the collar of his shirt to pull him closer.
You pulled away with a smile on your face, looking at him for a second before throwing your arms around him, holding him tightly. Bucky wrapped his arms around after a second, placing a kiss ontop of your head, never wanting to let you go.
You can’t get by with a lie
Bucky shot up, sweating and breathing heavy, looking over to see you stirring slightly at his movement.
“buck?” You mumbled, eyes still closed as you turned opening them slightly to reach for the super soldier. You placed a gentle hand on his vibranium one, looking at him with your fuzzy vision.
“nightmare?” you mumbled, sitting up and looking at him, his chest still heaving as he shook his head.
“no it- I’m fine” he spoke, “Cmon let’s get back to sleep” he smiled tightly but you shook your head, looking at him sternly.
“James we talked about this, please, talk to me angel” you looked at him, now fully awake and wanting to help bucky through his nightmares. He hesitated, sighing and fiddling with the edge of the blanket.
“okay” he nodded, heart racing as you helped him through his nightmare. You reminded him how he had changed, how he was a new person and he was trying his best to make amends.
“You’re okay, you’re here and you’re free” you spoke, hugging him tightly and stroking his arm soothingly. Bucky nodded, closing his eyes and focusing on your beating heart.
Funny thing about you is you read me pretty well
You clenched your fist, wanting to throw your laptop across the room as your work frustrated you once again. Your breathing was heavier and you let out a small sigh, not wanting to alert bucky.
After a couple more minutes you felt the tears pricking your eyes, squeezing them shut in hopes they would go away.
You got up quickly, heading toward the kitchen to get a drink of water, leaving bucky alone in the room. He turned to look at you, noting how fast you were walking and the way you were breathing shakily.
Bucky gave you a minute, waiting to see if you’d come back. When you didn’t return he followed you, seeing you staring out the cup in your hand with intense focus.
“doll, what’s wrong?” You looked at him, putting a smile on your face and shaking your head.
“I’m fine buck, just thirsty” he frowned, walking towards you and pulling you into his arms.
“i know you too well for that to work on me doll” he sighed, stroking your back softly as you but back tears, finally letting a sob out. “let it out doll I’m here.”
Me and Mr. Heart we say the cutest things about you
Bucky smiled at the way you jumped for joy when you saw a dog in the park, immediately talking his ear off about how you had always wanted your own.
“don’t you think we should adopt? I think we’re at that point y’know?” You smiled, starry eyes as you turned to look at him.
Never in his life had he felt more in love, he thought of how perfect you looked, with slightly messy hair from the wind and a stain on your shirt from the time he accidentally splashed paint on you.
He felt the world around him fade away, focusing only on you and your words, rattling off some facts about people with pets being happier in an effort to convince him.
Bucky thought of the way you had always cared for him, living him with all you were. He thought of how you were the most caring person in the world to him, how you were the most radiant person in the room no matter what.
He loved you so much and all he wanted was to make you happy.
“I’ve always been a cat person” he teased, loving the way you rolled your eyes with a playful smile on your face.
“we could get a cat, they’re calm and sweet” you nodded, taking his hand and pulling him towards the parking lot.
How could bucky say no when you looked so excited?
You held the white cat in your arms a few weeks later, a huge smile on your face as he purred into your touch.
“welcome home alpine” you smiled, setting the cat down and letting him explore.
Buckys heart grew in his chest, you seemed so unreal. You were everything he ever wanted and everything he ever needed. And you were all his.
You looked at bucky, a smile on your face as he picked up the cat, setting him gently on his lap.
“thought you were gonna get us a dog the whole time we were there” he spoke, looking at you as you stared at the pair, standing across the room and putting away some cat food and toys.
“you said you were a cat person” you replied, “plus you’re happy right?” You questioned, walking over and sitting down next to him, reaching out to scratch the back of Alpines ears.
“very happy doll” he smiled, eyes settling on the cat in his lap, wanting to place kisses all over the now sleeping feline.
“then I’m happy that you’re happy” you smiled, kissing his cheek softly, letting your head rest on his shoulder and enjoy the company of your now two favorite boys.
My lover is a day I can’t forget
“Do you remember how we met?” You asked suddenly, bucky smiled as he recalled the memory.
“doll it’s 3 am” he chuckled, the streetlight sneaking in through the curtains as you two lay in bed.
“so you don’t” you huffed, turning so your back would face him. Bucky smiled at your reaction, quickly turning you back around to face him.
“of course i do doll” he replied, a soft smile still on his face, “why?”
“what did you think of me?” You wondered, wiggling a bit to get more comfortable. You had a small smile on your face as he began talking.
“i thought you were too nice, they got your whole order wrong and you still ate the whole thing” he smiled.
Buckys eyes had immediately landed on you when he entered the small diner, seeing you smiling with a couple of your friends.
Steve was insistent on getting him to go to more places and this was #1 on his list.
“so those are my favorites you can always look through the menu though i guess” steve smiled, noticing his friends focus on you.
“thank you!” You smiled at the waitress, taking the dish from her, turning to your friends as soon as she left.
“i didn’t order this” you grumbled, your friends insisting you send it back.
“but what if she’s having a bad day already? and this is the last straw? It’s fine i can just eat it it’ll be fine” you shook your head, taking a bite and making a face.
“send it back y/n!” Your friend persisted and you shook your head, you were so stubborn.
“it’s not that bad!” You smiled, eating the whole thing, “wish it was the other one though” you giggled as your friends rolled their eyes.
Bucky kept glancing over at you, trying to not make it obvious. Steve decided against saying anything, making easy conversation with his best friend.
You hit your friend gently, a blush on your face when your eyes had landed on the two super soldiers.
“okay don’t be obvious” you began, “that’s steve rogers and bucky barnes?” You whispered, your friends all turning and looking at the table.
Bucky had just so happened the be glancing over, making eye contact with you, his face went red as he saw your whole table staring at the pair.
“You were so shy, you didn’t even have the guts to say hi” he teased and you punched him softly.
“you didn’t say anything either in my defense” you smiled, fiddling with his dog tags.
You turned back quickly, slapping a hand on your face as your friends laughed. “I said don’t be obvious did i not!”
“didn’t you say you would die for him? You talk about him almost everyday” your friend teased and you hit her, face burning.
“shut up! they’re super soldiers what if they hear you” you snuck a glance at their table, seeing the way bucky had a small smirk on his face and Steve was holding back a laugh.
“i hate you guys, i really do” you mumbled, “should i say sorry? I feel like i should say sorry right?”
“You just want an excuse to give that man sex eyes” another one of your friends spoke up and you rolled your eyes.
You snuck a glance at bucky making eye contact, you gave a small smile which he happily returned, waving slightly. You waved back, quickly turning back to your friends as your heart raced.
You and your friends paid and left not long after, Steve and bucky following a couple minutes after. You said your goodbyes in the parking lot, giving them tight hugs.
“you sure you don’t want a ride?” They had asked and you shook your head, waving her off as you walked to the bus stop down the street, sitting on the bench and scrolling through your social media mindlessly.
You looked up as someone sat next to you, giving them a small smile before realizing it was bucky. Your eyes went wide and you froze, eyes focused on your now locked phone. You could hear your heartbeat in your ears.
You glanced at bucky, face flushing when you made eye contact.
“you were so charming, i still don’t understand how you could be so calm” you spoke, looking at him as he let out a snort.
“i was shitting myself the whole time doll” he laughed, “I’m surprised i didn’t fuck up the moment i opened my mouth.”
“I’m bucky” he smiled, extending his had for you to shake. You smiled back, shaking his hand before replying, “I’m y/n.”
You were quiet for a second before turning to face him again, “I’m sorry for my friends in the diner, they can be a bit much” you chuckled, fiddling with your phone in your hands.
“don’t worry ‘bout it, I’m flattered honestly” he replied and you cocked your head.
“oh?” You replied, confused at his response.
“I mean to have a pretty girl like you thinking about me? An honor really” he spoke smoothly, a charming smile on his face as he looked at you.
“i- well- uh, thank you?” You let out a breathy laugh, and he smiled at you, moving onto another topic of conversation.
Next thing you knew the two of you were sat together on the bus, laughing as you two exchanged stories and talked about your interests.
“this is my stop” you frowned, not wanting to end the conversation yet. Buckys heart raced, debating on wether or not he should make a move or not. Steve would surely have his head on a spike if he didn’t.
“i- well, if you want i can walk you, it’s dark and i don’t want you in any danger” he spoke, stumbling in his words.
“I’d love that buck” you smiled and he looked at you with a grin on his face, following you out of the bus.
The evening air was cool, it felt nice against your flushed skin, a smile on both of your faces as you walked towards your apartment. The sound of your laughter filling the open air.
You arrived at your apartment building, exchanging numbers and saying goodbye, already looking forward to see each other next time.
“can’t believe you walked me back” you giggled, butterflies in your stomach as you remembered how flirty he was that night.
“i never told you but i had actually driven to the place” bucky blushed, “Steve had been busy earlier so we met up there” he laughed as your mouth flew open.
“so you had to go all the way back to get your car?!” Bucky smiled bashfully, “you even paid to take the bus!” You squealed, sitting up quickly and leaning against the headboard.
“I wasn’t gonna let public transportation stand between me and the love of my life!” Bucky replied quickly, sitting up next to you.
“you barely knew me!”
“i wanted to get to know you! that was the whole point” he shot back, a smile on his face when he noticed how flustered you were.
“you did all that for me” you looked at him fondly and he nodded.
“and I’d do so much more for you now” Bucky smiled, kissing your cheek softly before moving to your jaw and then your lips.
“I love you so much doll” he whispered, pulling you into his arms. You let him wrap himself around you, holding you closely to his chest.
“i love you more lovely” you replied, placing a soft kiss on his bicep. He held you for a couple more moments before letting go, letting you move back to his side and lay on his chest.
“you do so much for me doll, you keep me grounded, you make me happy, you keep me from going crazy, wish i could do the same” he mumbled, his fingers scratching at your scalp and making your eyes flutter shut.
“you do all that and more for me too james, you just never realize” you whispered, yawning as he continued his movements.
“how about we go to sleep, and I’ll tell you all tomorrow just how much you do for me, yeah?” You mumbled, opening your eyes slightly. Bucky nodded, laying down and getting comfortable, moving so that he could spoon you, draping an arm around your waist and pulling you to his chest.
“goodnight lover boy” you mumbled, he smiled at the nickname.
“goodnight dollface” he whispered, kissing your neck softly before closing his eyes, hearing alpines soft purring from across the room.
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teukyo · 4 years ago
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treasure reaction to: finding out they have to act in a drama alongside their actor!crush (you)
requested: yes !!
a/n: i made it with the thought that you two are the main leads for the drama !! i hope you enjoy ^_^
hyunsuk:
you know that expression he always does when he’s confused
that’s his initial reaction when the staff told him
in the long run while filming the actual drama, he would be very professional at keeping his feelings at bay, but he would be very flustered at first when finding out about the news
he’d look at the script,, rub his eyes and smack his head a few times,, look at the script again,, realize this isn’t a dream
“oh o-okay” he’d say, still shocked about the entire situation.
the members would definitely tease him the entire time
would scream a few times while looking over at the script, realizing he had to do with YOU— cuddle you, hug you, KISS you ???
cant help but get giddy when reading the scenes you two have together
jihoon:
“ohohoho, really? cool” he’d say, but you can tell from his eye smile that he’s elated about it
he’s honestly been waiting for the moment you two interact because let’s be honest, he’d be the one making YOU flustered
already has a few tricks up his sleeve to make you fall for him
he’d also be very boisterous about it to his members— bragging about how he gets to act alongside HIS crush
he would definitely be a bit alarmed when going over the script though
he would act like hyunsuk but a bit less flustered
“oh we have to kiss?! alright” he’d say, shocked at first but then plastering a huge smile on his face when reading the script
he would constantly hype himself up when practicing acting the scenes going “cmon youre THE park jihoon you got this” but he knows very well on the inside that he’s kind of nervous because he doesn’t want to mess up in front of you
yoshi:
he wouldn’t know how to react at first
he’d just muster out a tiny “okay” while holding the script with shaky hands
i feel like in general he’d be very collected about it but on the inside he would be all “?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!”
he would also be a bit afraid on messing up because not only does he have a crush on you but he genuinely sees you as an admirable figure with how amazing you act
so he would definitely be a bit bewildered at first that HE was the one chosen as the lead with YOU
he feels like he wouldn’t be up for the job at first because he’s just a sweet humble boy :((
but after realizing that it’s him who was chosen, he would work his butt off, constantly practicing every night to perfect every minute detail
he just wants to leave a good impression on you tbh (and he does !!)
junkyu:
he’d look at the script with wide eyes— “what?”
VERY shocked at first
he would keep asking the staff if this script was meant to be given to him lolol
after the staff telling him “yes” for the 15th time it would finally click in his brain that,, wow,, he’s acting with you
he’d read all the scenes you have together and be so appalled, hand over his mouth
if you had a penny for every time he said “HUH?!” you would honestly be a billionaire within the first 30 minutes
in all honesty though i think he’d be a bit like yoshi at first, thinking he wouldn’t be good enough (like in the behind the scenes of the tmap webdrama)
but he just uses that as a way to work harder so he does amazing (which he does in the end !!)
mashiho:
i don’t know why but my gut thinks he’d act the same as jihoon ?!
like he wouldn’t be AS confident but i think he would be pretty smug about it
i mean,,, it must be a sign he got picked as a lead yk
he would be all smiley looking at the script acting like it’s a precious baby
reading every cute scene you two have together and giggling because it’s just so ?!?!?! he’s doing this all with you ?!?!?!
other than that though he would definitely look over the script over and over and over and over—
he would put his huge crush on you aside and work really hard so he doesn’t feel like he’s holding anyone back because he really does admire you
so when i say he’s motivated he’s MOTIVATED
jaehyuk:
he would do that action he always does where he puts the back of his hand over his mouth,,, yeah that’s what he does
“woAH” and then he’d just look at the script for like 5 minutes trying to comprehend everything, the staff asking him if he’s okay
then he’d do his signature smile and nod because now he can finally see you act !!! even better that you’re acting with HIM !!!
the entire day he’d just be so happy,, like that smile would NOT leave his face
oh he stepped on a piece of gum ?? it’s alright hes acting with you ^_^
he would read the script like it’s some sacred book, reading every single word cautiously trying to immerse himself into it
to sum it up hes honestly just really happy :(( and he wants to impress everyone and you especially as an idol because yk the reputation idol actors have ,,
asahi:
he wouldn’t show any reaction at first, but you can tell from the dimple from his smile that he’s really happy
“alright” he’d simply say and then look at the script with sparkly eyes
he’s definitely made a few (probably a lot) songs with the thought of you so imagine the bangers he’d make now
he would be so inspired that night, writing lyrics for a new song as he reads the script
but the members would be very confused because ??? it doesn’t look like he cares that much lol
but he definitely DOES
the members would tease him and he would put on a blank face but in the inside his heart would be beating out of his chest
he’d put his feelings aside though, working really hard and getting advice because well,, he doesn’t want to screw up or mess up and he really does want to give a good impression on you
yedam:
“thank you” he’d say politely when the staff gives the script to him, his boxy smile plastered on his face
when i tell you he’s happy i mean he’s HAPPY
like asahi he also made a load of songs about you with the thought of hugging you, being with you, etc.
and reading the script makes him so giddy because !!! he doesn’t have to imagine anymore !!!
like yeah it’s technically all for the drama but it’s still real in his mind
his cheeks literally hurt from smiling so big he’s just so ?!?!?! UGH he cant believe this
he would also watch all the movies, shows and behind the scenes videos you’re in just to get the gist of how you act and how to act (and he just loves looking at you but we’ll ignore that)
he’d honestly just work so hard rereading the script over and over because he doesn’t want to let you or anyone down ><
doyoung:
ok so we all know that doyoung has been wanting to go into acting (and he’s very good at it from the looks of the tmap webdrama)
so tbh,,, he would be more happy at first that he got an acting gig like he would literally jump in joy
and then— wait? what did the staff just say ??
“i’m acting along with WHO?!”
then he’d be kinda flustered because,, wow,, his first acting gig with an actor he looks up to !!!!! and has lowkey developed a crush on
which in the end makes him even MORE pumped up because he’s been working so hard on acting and he can show off to someone he admires so much
and honestly just the thought of your presence being there makes him 1000x more motivated and he would practice any chance he gets— his dorm members getting tired of hearing the same lines over and over at the dinner table
he’s just so enthusiastic about the entire situation because he genuinely thinks this is the most perfect opportunity that could ever come to him
haruto:
‘oh wow i’m gonna start acting that’s so coo— EH?! i’m acting with WHO NOW?’ are his first thoughts
he honestly thought he heard wrong at first, asking the staff to repeat the name again
so when he realized he heard it well and clear he was,,, just,,
his mouth would just be agape, flipping over the pages of the script realizing you were the other half to him in the drama
but tbh though i think he would be the type to put his feelings aside and focus more on how to become a better actor (in general i think most if not all would be like this but haruto would be more if that makes sense ??)
like wow ,, you’re so cool !! amazing actor !! and you’re so lovely !! like he’s seen basically everything you’re in so yes has developed a bit of endearment to you
but he would rather just simply use that as a motivation to work harder because you’re an amazing actor and he can’t mess this up especially if he wants to do more acting in the future
which makes him work so much harder because he does want to be a good figure in acting
and if the shooting goes well then maybe,, just maybe he’ll act upon his feelings
jeongwoo:
he’d be a bit like haruto in this situation
wondering if his ears were doing him dirty and the staff didn’t actually say his most favorite actor ever
but no,, his ears work perfectly fine
he’d also be the type to not focus too much on his personal feelings mainly because he would honestly get sososo flustered just thinking about it
just thinking about how he has to talk to you is so ?! really ?!
he’d look at the script in awe because he genuinely can not believe it
like he’d probably have to imagine it’s not you and that this is all for a drama so he doesn’t constantly mess up or get flustered
which is why he really wouldn’t put too much effort into ‘getting’ with you because in the end it is a work environment and he does have to be professional
so he doesn’t think too much on his feelings and just puts all his focus on memorizing the script and becoming a better actor
a tiny part of him does hope you show some interest though hehe
junghwan:
poor thing would be so nervous at first
“really?! i’m acting with — y/n?!”
he’d just be so incredibly flustered at the spur of the moment, the staff would hand him water and ask if he’s okay
he honestly thought about rejecting the offer at first because he thought that he wasn’t good enough to act with you :(
but then he realizes that this is probably a once in a lifetime opportunity and he can do this !!
he likes to use you a lot for pep talks — “if y/n can do it so can i!”
which helps a lot in the end because you’re such a good actor in his eyes and he wants to be just as good as you
like doyoung he would practice literally any chance he gets
oh we’re having a restroom break ? here comes junghwan pulling out his script
he’d also ask the members to practice the script with him because he wants to be perfect as perfect can be
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httpsmultifandom · 4 years ago
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Home // Tate Langdon
word count: 2k
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Two years have passed since the Westfield High shooting. Tate, who was your on-and-off boyfriend at the time, had a mental break and went, full-on psycho. You weren't at school that day luckily because your 6-month-old daughter at the time had been sick. Tate was a good father from the looks of it. He loved to teach her new things and hold her every time she was around. After his death, there seemed to be a void in her and your life. This brings you here in front of your former lover’s house.
As the memories of the once-happy family that lived here rushed back, a small stream of tears began to run down your cheeks. Though your daughter wasn't raised by Tate. It seemed as if she felt comfortable on the property which he once lived and died on. As you opened the gate Lydia immediately stopped fussing and seemed to be in a trance of some sort. Noticing this you kissed her head and walked towards the double doors.
Taking a deep breath in you tried to hold tears back as you pondered on the life that you and Lydia could have lived if Tate had not decided to let his destructive mental state get the better of him. As you gripped the doorknob with your free hand, your palms began to sweat in anticipation. Finally gaining the courage, you entered the now-empty home. It smelled of dust but was surprisingly clean as if someone or something was still living there. “Hello,” you called out making sure nobody was there. With no response, you made your way over to the living room. The floorboards creaking under your feet as you moved from room to room. Once inside the living room, you made your way over to the large window, opening the curtains to let some light come into the house. The sun was warm and comforting feeling as if you had just received the most tender hug. Looking down at Lydia you examined her soft features. Though she had your attitude she was almost identical to Tate when it came to looks.
Just as you were about to set Lydia down on the wooden floors you had heard a small noise coming from the kitchen. Alarmed at this you quickly picked her up and headed toward the door. Reaching towards the handle you pulled but to your surprise, it was now locked. Frightened at the thought of being in the house any longer you quickly moved your way to the back door. Just as the door entered your line of vision a voice called out. “Y/N?” The strong southern accent rang through your ears making you whip your head around. “Constance,” you said in disbelief walking toward her. You and Mrs. Langdon have kept in touch over the years due to her never-ending need to be involved in her grandchild’s life. To say that she was a great grandmother would be an understatement. You often tied this back to her being a mother herself who not only loved her kids but unfortunately lost all of them.
“What in the world are you doing here,” she said sternly pulling a cigarette out from between her lips. “I just thought that maybe Lydia would want to see where her dad used to live,” you lied. Truth be told you missed Tate more than anything in the world and you thought that coming back to the house in which he once lived you could somehow become closer to him. “I think you should leave.” You furrowed your eyebrows confused at her sudden erratic behavior. “Constance, as far as I’m aware you don’t own this house anymore. You cant kick me out,” you said. “I suppose you’re correct. But really Y/N why are you here?” she said lifting her cancer stick up to her lips. “I miss Tate.” you looked down at your daughter as her big brown eyes glistened in the sunlight just like her fathers used to. Constance cleared her throat ending the peaceful silence. “Can I tell you something Y/N,” she asked. “Anything.” “This house is one of a kind truly. It seems as if whoever lives here, dies here, or is born here never actually leaves. Sure you could walk out of those double doors right now but a part of you even if it’s small will stay trapped in these walls.” she said putting out her cigarette in the small ashtray placed to her side. “What are you trying to say?” “I’m saying that if you came here in hopes of finding someone or something you’ll find it but perhaps not in the way you’d expect.” With that, she left leaving you and Lydia alone in the dreary home. A little puzzled at what she said you made your way to the wooden stairs. Gripping the cold railing with your free hand you felt the hairs on the back of your neck stand. Unsettled by this you hesitantly made your way up the stairs. While you turned to climb the second flight of stairs you saw a dark figure out of the corner of your eye. Remembering what Constance said you pushed any negative thoughts to the side and continued up the stairs.
The second floor was just as you remembered it. Memories of you and Tate flooded your brain as you made your way to his former bedroom. As you approached the door you felt a wave of cold wind come over your body. Lydia who was sitting on your hip began to mumble quietly which was something she only did when you entered the room. Confused at this you slowly made your way into the bedroom. To your surprise, the bedroom was just the way you had remembered it as if Tate was still occupying the space. You hesitantly made your way to the bed which was placed in the middle of the room you placed Lydia down. Scanning the walls your eyes made their way to his bedside table. There sat a picture of him you and newborn Lydia. Picking up the frame tears started to build upon your water line before one single tear fell landing on your cheek. You smiled thinking about the love you still had for Tate.
“God I wish he was still here,” you said in a soft whisper as you set the picture frame down.
You looked over your shoulder. Your eyes widen seeing an empty bed where your daughter once resided. “Lydia,” you yelled looking all around the room but finding her to no avail. Your heart began to beat out of your chest as anxiety rushed over your body. Running out of the bedroom you looked down the hallway.
There they were. Your daughter and the father she never knew. “TATE,” you shouted running over to him embracing him in the most passionate hug. As your head laid on his chest tears of joy and confusion poured out wetting his sweater. Pulling away you looked up at his facing scanning his features. They were just as you remembered them but something felt wrong, he felt distant. Pulling his hands into yours you looked up into his eyes. “How is this possible,” you asked tilting your head to the side. Prior to this things such as ghosts and ghouls seemed to be fake little stories people would tell on Halloween but now seeing Tate you knew that those stories were anything but. “I’m still not quite sure myself but that doesn’t matter now. All that matters is you me and her,” Tate said looking down at Lydia. “Tate..” You paused moving his chin to look back at you. “Never leave us again, please. It’s terrifying,” you said as rows of tears donned your cheeks. Looking down into your bloodshot eyes Tate raised his hands to your face lightly cupping your cheeks. “As long as you don’t leave me.” A smile crept its way onto your lips as you pulled Tate by his sweater planting a passionate kiss on his lips to which he quickly reciprocated.
Pulling away from your lover’s lips you both look down at Lydia. Smiling you bent down to retrieve her off the floor before lifting her to your hip. “She looks just like you doesnt she?” You looked down at your daughter. He frace lit up when she looked at Tate as if she already knew him. Noticing this Tate bore a toothy smile. A smile which youve been deprived of for what felt like a lifetime. Letting the two of them have their father-daughter bonding time you made your way back to Tates bedroom after placing a kiss on both of their cheeks.
As you waited in Tates room you snooped a bit. Looking at his old books which held information about birds and other miscellaneous things. How could this all be possible? Why hasn’t he reached out? Why hasn’t Constance told me about this? As questions clouded your mind you hadn’t noticed Tate and Lydia entering the room. “Having fun,” Tate said while sitting down on his bed before placing Lydia on his lap. You looked over your shoulder giving him a sweet smile. “So much fun,” you said standing up from the now book-covered floor.
Sitting down beside Tate you gently placed your head on his shoulder reveling in the fact that you two were finally together again. “It’s been hell not being able to see you two,” Tate said looking down at your now sleeping daughter before giving you a soft look. “Same here. I really wish you could’ve been there for her as an infant. But if it makes it any better her first word was dad,” you said looking up into his dark eyes. “Really?” “Yeah. I showed her pictures of you and pointed to you to show her who her dad is.” A smile stretched across his face before looking back down at Lydia. “She’s perfect.”
A few hours had passed since you had arrived with Lydia and it was starting to get dark out. “Hey Tate…” His head shot up from admiring his daughter. “Yes.” “I was wondering if Lydia could stay the night?” After thinking about it for a few seconds Tate responded. “I don’t see how one night could hurt,” Tate said looking up at you with a warm smile. Walking over to Tate you gave him a quick kiss before heading over to his drawer to grab something to wear. As you searched through his drawers you found a polaroid photo of yourself from one of your first dates. “You kept this?” “Of course.” Standing up he set your sleeping daughter on the bed giving her a quick kiss on the forehead. Making his way over to you he placed his hand on the small of your back whilst taking the photo out of your hand and examining it. “I remember it like it was yesterday. The beach, the food,...the sex. All of it,” he said looking down at you. To say that you stayed celibate during Tates absence would be a lie though it never personal due to only wanting to have Lydia in your life. “It’s getting late I should probably get some sleep,” you said pulling out one of Tates old Sex Pistoles shirts. Walking over to Tates bed you stripped down to your underwear before throwing on the oversized shirt. Tate’s eyes watched you steadily as you slipped each piece of clothing off of your warm body. You could feel his eyes burning through your back as he radiated sexual frustration.
Climbing onto the bed next to your sleeping daughter you patted your side wanting Tate to come to lay with you. Noticing this small act Tate made his way over to you making sure that he was as close to you as possible. “I love you,” Tate whispered. “I love you more.” With that, you shut your eyes and let the sweet embrace of sleep take over your body.
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itscalledreadingdarling · 4 years ago
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No One Survives A Night In The Maze - Newt Imagine
The lines seperate points of view, though it doesn’t mention who (you should be able to figure that part out yourself :)
*Differs from both books and movies
~
No one survives a night in the maze.
It was the first thing I was told when I entered the glade.
It’s the only thing I can hear apart from my feet coming down on the concrete floor and my heavy breathing.
I stayed out to late.
I wasn’t paying attention.
For this I will die.
There is a sharp corner that I manage to turn smoothly and take off, knowing where I am now.
I am close to the doors.
I must get there before they close.
I have to succeed or I will die.
A large boom echos through the maze and a large gust of wind flows past me.
The doors are closing.
I have run out of time.
I will die.
It is over the screeching of the doors that I hear yelling.
And when I turn the last corner I see its source.
The other gladers have spotted me.
They know I will die if I don’t make it to them.
I must make it to them.
I full out sprint, pooling every last bit of energy I have into this last distance.
As I get closer I can see their faces more clearly.
Chuck, screaming at me so much the his face has gone red.
Gally, who is telling me to push harder, run faster.
Minho who is yelling at me to move my ass, I’m not dying on his watch.
Thomas, the greenie, looking concerned, and I can tell by the look in his eyes that he wants to run into the maze, to help me. It’s the same move I tried to make when I was a greenie. When someone else was in my situation.
They didn’t make it.
I need too.
It’s Newt’s face that I focus on though. He isn’t screaming at me. He looks calm. It is because of this that I instantly know he isn’t.
He wants to run to me.
He has his limp.
We would both die.
He would tell me that it would be for the best, going together rather than separately.
He is scared.
He can’t show it.
As second in command he must be put together, just as Alby is next to him.
He is going to cry.
I can tell by the way his jaw is clenched, the way his shifts is weight from foot to foot - not favoring his good one like normal. I can tell by the way his stare at me is unwavering. The way he runs his fingers over his lips, like he always does when stressed.
In these last moments I find myself wondering why I know this.
I’ve never seen Newt cry.
It’s the fact that I know he will, that scares me.
Perhaps even more than being stuck in here overnight.
I push harder, until I cant feel my legs.
It’s not enough.
I see the doors shut.
I feel their boom.
It goes silent.
I am dead.
———
The girl does not see it but all the gladers have gone quiet.
Chuck doesn’t believe it. He doesn’t want to. He stares as the rest walk away.
Gally never cared much. But he did for her. She understood him. She was his friend. She is dead now.
Minho knows there is no survival in the maze, just as everyone else does. As much as he believes in the girl, as many races as she has beaten him in, he knows she will not be fast enough. No one ever is.
Thomas has heard what the gladers have told him, over and over. No one survives a night in the maze. But he holds hope. She will survive. She has too.
But mainly, they worry for Newt. There is no worry to spare for the girl, she is as good as dead. But Newt. Newt is alive. And she will not be.
They know that will break him.
Newts chest heaves.
Everyone knows how much the girl means to him.
No matter how much he has told them that they are just ‘best friends’ they all know he cares for her more than that.
They look to the second in command.
They pity him. The girl will never know how Newt felt about her. They don’t know how it feels, but they still sympathize.
It is only Minho who knows how Newt got his limp.
They never told anyone, and Newt said not to worry, that he wouldn’t try again, but still Minho watches over him.
His friend was empty.
He wasn’t like that anymore, not since she arrived.
For the first time it wasn’t just about making it through every day for him.
It was about living.
Something he hadn’t done in forever.
It looks as though Newt has died rather than her.
Minho knows that this is likely possible.
Newt has lost his life.
Minho knows Newt will make sure he won’t fail the next time he try’s.
Minho will do his best. He don’t know if it will be enough.
Newt turns away.
And when he walks away, the others follow.
If Newt has given up, there is no hope for the girl.
None at all.
———
I have failed.
I will be dead by morning.
I belong to the maze now.
But because I am human, I have a natural instinct to survive.
To try my best even though there is no hope.
This instinct tells me to run.
So I run.
It is not long before my breath gets heavy once more.
I was running all day. Now I will be running all night.
If I pass out from exhaustion, maybe death will come more painlessly.
It isn’t long before I hear the first griever.
The metallic whirrs send chills down my spine. I know that if I make it out alive, this moment will haunt me.
I pause to evaluate. I don’t see the grevier but I hear it coming closer.
Its too late when I realize it’s above me.
Jumping down, it pins me and I have nowhere to move.
I scream.
It’s painful. It holds fear and terror and in some way, it’s my final words.
My journey ends here.
———
No one returns to work in the glade.
No one wants to carve her name off of the wall.
No one is brave enough.
But they must.
Alby doesn’t make them go back to work.
He liked the girl. She was kind, hardworking, and made people laugh.
He morns for her.
It is Gally who scratches her name off the wall.
Gally is halfway through when Thomas speaks up.
“What if she survives?”
It’s as if the universe has some terrible, divine timing, for at that moment the girl’s scream pierces through the air.
It is a scream of death.
Gally continues scratching.
———
My throat hurts because I screamed.
By stomach hurts because I was clawed by a griever.
My lungs hurt because I have been running for too long.
My legs ache.
My head pounds.
And yet my heart beats. And for that I am grateful.
I don’t know how I am alive.
It all happened to quickly.
But I got out from under the griever.
I run still, because that same griever is still chasing me.
I run because I forgot one crucial element.
At night, the maze changes.
I feel I am doomed.
Instead, I use it.
Walls move, and sections change and I maneuver - loosing griever after griever.
Killing, griever after griever.
5 of them are dead when the sun peaks through.
I should be overrun with joy.
I have made it through the night.
Instead I collapse on the ground next to my newest kill.
I have ran too long.
I have lost to much blood.
I am alive.
But I feel I won’t be for long.
———
No one can find Newt when the sun peaks through.
No one would normally wake up this early.
No has had to.
No one has slept.
Death was no stranger to the glade.
There were dark days, in the beginning. There were banishments. And there were those who had gotten trapped overnight in the maze.
Yet somehow, this one hit harder.
It was strange, having a girl come up in the box.
Different.
Confusing.
But she had quickly proved herself, fitting right in with the glade, becoming one of the strongest.
If they were not friends with her they held high respect for her, as they did with Alby, and as they did with Newt.
She brought laughter to the glade.
All traces of said laughter was gone.
And no one could find Newt.
———
I had laid one whole hour.
I had expected death to come, take me into it’s cold hands. My destiny was sealed the moment the doors closed, locking me in the maze.
No one survives a night in the maze.
Yet I seem to have stayed alive through it all.
And all I feel is the cold concrete on my skin, the sting of my injury, and the ache in both my lungs and my legs.
I am tired, yes, but I am not dead.
I have done it.
I imagine what it will be like when I walk through the maze doors when they open.
They will all be there, lined up and they will all cheer for me. We will all hug and I will get asked millions of questions. The night will be worth surviving.
I look at my watch again.
The doors will open soon.
I want to be there when they do.
I pick myself up, wincing as I do, but standing none the less, and break out into a run.
This time I do not run for fear of life, but rather for the sake and hope of returning.
The feeling brings a new kind of energy into my body, and I pick up my pace.
I have survived a night in the maze.
I have done the impossible.
———
The doors open.
No one looks at them.
No one wants to work.
Alby makes them.
“We cannot survive if we don’t do our jobs.” He says.
There are no more runners left. Only Thomas and Minho remain. The rest have quit.
The two know they should go out.
They don’t.
Alby looks mad about it.
Neither care.
Alby understands.
Chuck runs up to the maze entrance and waits.
No one has the heart to tell him that she will not be coming through that door.
30 minutes later Thomas joins Chuck.
They sit side by side.
They know it’s hopeless.
They still wait.
No one can find Newt.
———
I have not memorized the way I ran.
It takes me longer to get back then I had thought.
It has been 47 minutes since the doors opened for the morning when I turn a familiar sharp corner.
It’s been 48 when I see these doors, open wide.
I pause.
There are only two figures sitting by the maze door.
I already know who they are.
“CHUCK!” I call out. “THOMAS!”
I can hear the pure relief in my voice, and I can see them look up and I will forever remember the way their faces light up.
Thomas gets to me first, running straight at me, and picking me up, spinning me around. Chuck arrives right after Thomas sets me down, giving me a big hug of his own.
It is then I realize I am crying. For my survival, for my pain, and for my joy.
“GUYS SHE DID IT. SHES ALIVE!”
Chuck runs around the glade screaming at everyone that I have made it.
And just as I suspected there are hugs and so many questions.
But there is no Newt.
I tell them there are 5 dead grievers, that I used the changing walls to kill them. I tell them about my injury, Cliff and Jeff immediately patching me up. I answer each and every question. I never ask any of my own.
I only have one anyway.
And when I do ask, I get silence and the sharing of looks between gladers.
“We can’t find him.”
———
I am mad at myself.
For failing.
I was stupid enough to get caught up in the ivy.
If I had succeeded I wouldn’t have my limp.
If I had succeeded I wouldn’t have met her.
If I had succeeded I wouldn’t feel so useless, standing by and watching the door close.
If I had succeeded I wouldn’t have had to hear her scream.
If I had succeeded I wouldn’t have to live with her death.
I feel dead.
I want to die.
And that’s the truth.
No one will find me.
And when they do,
They won’t find me alive.
———
I find him right away.
It was a spot I had found when I had just come up in the box.
There were too many eyes, too many boys, too much confusion.
I needed quiet to think.
So I found a small clearing, hidden by an unusually placed willow tree.
It had seemed obvious enough to me, but I liked how it was tucked away, hidden from the world.
Newt was the only one who was able to find me.
And when we became friends, it became our spot.
He came here when he felt empty.
It was here he told me his story.
It was here I told him I would always be around to help.
It was here he morned for me.
It was here he found out I wasn’t dead.
———
I heard the footsteps.
I didn’t bother wiping away my tears.
I was angered that someone found this place.
I knew they were looking for me.
I knew I should’ve been angry because I couldn’t carry out with my plan.
I was instead angry that someone had found this place. It was only supposed to be hers and mine. Us only.
I turned to scream, something I rarely did, but it was too much, there was just too much.
And there she was.
Bloody bandage around her abdomen, dark circles under her eyes, and her legs shaky.
But it was her.
This I knew.
We didn’t say anything. We didn’t have too.
Rather, she just walked forwards and kneeled down next to me, wrapping her delicate arms around me, burying her face in my neck.
She was alive.
She had done it.
I was proud, no one had ever done such a thing, but oh god all I could focus on was the fact that she was here, with me, in my arms.
In turn, I wrapped mine around her frame and pulled her closer, holding her tight, without hurting her.
“Hi love.” I whispered, my voice cracking. It was how I woke her up, an accidental slip one morning that became a word of comfort and playfulness between us. I never thought I would get to say those words again, to have to the chance to wake her up again, to hold her to my chest like I do now.
It began quietly, her tears, but they soon escalated, and all I could do was hold her and never let her go.
Her broken sobs finally broke me down, wearing down the wall that was already crumbling, and we sat there crying, holding each other.
I didn’t know how she had done it.
I didn’t know how she had gotten hurt.
I didn’t know what had happened to her.
And yet, for this moment, holding her in my arms was enough.
No one survives a night in the maze.
Except for her.
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storysofmyown · 3 years ago
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Seven stages of Love Chapter 2: Philia
Summary: Ever since the Celestial War, since they all fell, Asmodeus has  dedicated himself to his sin. Not caring about anything else, but  drowning himself in the pleasure and ecstasy of it all. But not anymore,  now he cant even handle the idea of it. But, what else is there to  want? After so long of having indulged in his sin, what is there than  Asmodeus is looking for, something that will fill him, and that wont  drive him to destruction? Perhaps his brothers can help him with that. Warnings will appear in each chapter.
Trigger Warning: Momentary anger, sadness. Let me know if I overlooked anything.
Word Count: 2683
Read on Ao3
Pondering, wondering, with a strain in the heart that no other but himself could lift. Yet, he didn’t have the means to lift it. The feeling overwhelmed him to the point where he hadn’t left the house at all during an entire week. To him it was simply unthinkable to have to submit himself to the stares and the actions of the people that noticed him. To think that all this time he thought he needed nothing more. Nothing more but those meaningless kisses that brought satisfaction.
Now the simple thought of a stranger’s hand to even as much as caress his cheek without any feeling made him feel sick to his stomach. He wanted to be cared for. But…it had to be a very specific kind of care. One so specific he didn’t know what it was but knew he wouldn’t find it any time soon. But…what even was it that he wanted? He knew what it was called, Belphegor had enlightened that much…but he didn’t know what it was. Was there a certain definition? Was there even something that would define the exact way he was feeling, with the exact solution he needed? Perhaps, something that could define all the aspects of that craving? He didn’t know, he didn’t even know what he was looking for. So, who better to ask than Satan?
He had hundreds upon hundreds of books. Surely, he must have something that defined that intense feeling. One that gave Asmodeus some sort of clarity. That defined it beyond a feeling. Beyond a lifestyle that many searched for in their lives but can never seem to reach entirely or are satisfied with. Surely, he must have something, right? Asmodeus thought for a moment as he walked outside of his room for the very first time in a while. One of his brothers had been checking up on him from time to time. But thanks to Belphegor they didn’t stay nor bother him much. He needed time to think. And he was thankful to them for caring in any way…but right now he needed some type of answer. Or something to point him in the right direction…just anything would be helpful.
He was on his way to Satan’s room. He was determined to knock, get some books, and start some kind of research…but sometimes things don’t go the way one wishes they did. Sometimes…something makes the path that one was entrusted on, divert for just a mere second…and that’s when everything in the future changes. For just that simple misstep, for just that look in another direction and the entire path that once laid in front of one is changed, unrecognizable. It might be easier; it might be far more difficult. Perhaps it was because his mind was far quieter than it had ever been, while simultaneously making so much noise it drove him insane during the nighttime, or maybe it was the way his expression had become blank and no longer was focused in maintaining that fake smile that had become permanent on his lips. Maybe it was all of them, none, a beat, a noise, a breeze…but his path changed. And with it, his quest in search of a definition, that would set his heart at peace.
Was he stalling? Was that why he was standing in front of Leviathans door, hearing the muffled sound of his older brother laugh? If he remembered correctly, there was a new game Leviathan was looking forward this week. He remembered the older demon having mentioned it a while back. He could hear the faint sound of music through the door, it was mostly muffled, and Leviathan cheers as he won made it harder to hear. He sighed once. Starring at the door before shaking his head. He should really just focus, he needed to go to Satan’s room. Besides it’s not like Leviathan would even give him the time of the day when he was consumed by one of his games or something like that.
So, he turned around, taking a deep breath for a moment as he took a step. But…as he already knew, things don’t go as they are planned at all. A plan that was set thousands of years ago when his aching body first arrived at the Devildom. A promise to enjoy himself to the last bit. A promise he had broken the moment those doubts came to mind. After all, if he had just fallowed his promise, he wouldn’t be here, in that very moment, with those particular thoughts that made his breath caught in his throat at Leviathan’s words. A certain shout caught his attention. Leviathan had won on his game, and this prompted him to shout, to celebrate, to leap in joy and exclaim to the world some words, a specific word. Words that Asmodeus could only dream of using that lightly someday.
“YES!!!  We did it! Good work, I knew we could!!" A giggle, and then a storm. "Henry, I **** you!!”
…he had to be joking, right? He couldn’t have heard that right. He must be in a state of dream or something. Leviathan…he…he wouldn’t just throw that word around like that, and to his damn fish of all things?!
“S-seriously?!” He spoke, before knocking the door, perhaps a little too sudden and harsh since he heard Leviathan gasp, a certain ache in his knuckles that he was barely aware of.
“Sorry Lucifer, I’ll try to make less noise!” He spoke, causing Asmodeus to roll his eyes.
“I’m not Lucifer.” He simply said, a pout on his lips as he crossed his arms and waited for Leviathan to open the door.
“A-Asmodeus?!” Leviathan’s voice came out shocked, he could hear struggle as Leviathan moved inside the room, something falling and him screeching before groaning, only to open the door and look at his younger brother, a small pout on his lips. “W-wha- I mean, w-when, I just…huh?” Levi was at a loss of words as he starred down at his brother, only for Asmodeus to roll his eyes a little and go inside the room. Not caring about Leviathan’s protest on how he had not said the secret password.
He entered the room. The blues and darkness within it, meant to reflect the ocean waves and the water element which his brother controlled along with all sea creatures…only reminded him of his room for a second. It was mostly the darkness. Since that night where Belphegor comforted him, Asmodeus refused to go out, his windows permanently sealed, and the lights turned off as he refused to acknowledge himself in the mirror by the pure fear he might despise what was staring back at him. By the fear that he might look and only find the lust he had started to loath so deeply.
His eyes flew to the screen that was on, the word “Victory” could be read, a controller left on the floor as Leviathan watched him with a slight embarrassed blush on the doorway. For some reason his eyes kept scanning the room. This was possibly the thousandth time he had entered to his brothers’ room and yet, this was the first time he felt like he was in the room, and not in his own head. It was a weird sensation. Entering a place so many times, but never actually seeing it. Recognizing it, or even as simply as placing his attention in anything that was not himself. It was Leviathan’s room, and if someone asked him to identify Levi’s room and showed him pictures, he could probably tell them it was this one. But if someone asked him, to number at least 3 things of his brothers’ room he would draw a blank and just point out that he only had one mirror in his bathroom, and that occasionally he could see his reflection on the big crystal wall from the fish tank. But besides that, he…he didn’t know anything else inside the room. This included himself, and his brother.
His eyes flew to Henry, as he walked over to the small fishbowl Leviathan put him in sometimes so he was beside him when playing. He kneeled in front of it as he starred at the fish. An eyebrow raised as he replayed the words he had just heard Leviathan exclaim on passing. Such a word…were…were they supposed to mean so much? Asmodeus had just started to think about them, he had yet even to find any meaning to, yet his brother was throwing it like that to his fish? He seriously couldn’t understand it, at all. He glanced over at Leviathan who was playing with his fingers while looking a little nervous at Asmodeus intrusion on what was his room, but there was something else. It seemed like he wanted to ask something, so, for that same reason Asmo decided to stay silent for a couple more seconds and see if his brother spoke. Thankfully, he did.
“…Asmodeus” He started, and by his tone the younger demon immediately regretted having let him talk. “…are you okay? I-I mean! Y-you are always partying and in clubs and talking with s-so many people…yet we didn’t see much of you t-this week…”
That…that was something hard to answer. Was there a reason for him not to be okay? Was there a reason for him to be okay? There were doubts in his mind, questions in his heart, needs that he had not been aware of until recently. But most of all…there was…there was a void that he didn’t understand. A void he had just become aware that existed within him. Asmodeus pressed his lips together, wondering for a moment. The silence filling Leviathan with anxiety as he looked down, taking deep breaths while awaiting for an answer.
“I…” he started; eyes focused on the small fish, “…heard you say something on my way here.” Was he avoiding the question? Or was this the answer in his own way? “I was surprised that the same words Belphie muttered to comfort me you would yell them at Henry.”
“Words? What are you talking about?” He wasn’t trying to act dumb; hell knew that was Mammon’s job, but he was certainly confused. Having his brother barge into his room like this, no explanation, and suddenly ask him things like this when he had been acting off the entire week…Leviathan was worried. They were all worried.
Asmodeus thought for a moment. Why was he even here? Between the two, it was entirely possible for him to know more about those words than someone who barely left the room to get food and left the house for 3 seconds every month. The idea that Leviathan, someone that was constantly so locked away from everything and anyone, would know more about that subject even though Asmodeus had put himself out in the world time and time again…it was almost insulting.
No.
No it wasn’t insulting. It just hurt to know that the loneliness he had believed to be new, turned out to be so old that he wondered if it had always been part of him. It just to think that everything he once thought he knew of himself, had started to crumble slowly.
“Levi…h-how can you say them to an animal?” His voice was soft and low, he was sure he had spoken, but the memories of the words leaving his lips was not present. For a moment, he caught his own reflection starring at him instead of his eyes focusing on the small goldfish. And in those eyes, he saw how powerful his sadness and desperation had become…his eyes damping in tears as he looked away, refusing to let anyone see that.
Leviathan eyes went wide at his younger brothers’ words. From all the things he expected him to say, that wasn’t it. Was that…what he said before Asmodeus entered the room, was that why his brother had barged in like that? He starred at him for what felt like ages, before clearing his throat a little and taking a step close to Asmodeus. Trying to wrap his head around what was happening. Normally he would ask what he meant and why he was asking something like that, but the way Asmo looked in that moment it was like he was begging for an answer and just that. An answer, something that gave him an idea of what it all meant and what he would make out of it. Leviathan sighed, closing the door behind him before sitting down on the floor, his back to Asmo as he knew he would not be able to answer the question if he was looking at him.
“H-Henry isn’t an animal, you know?” He started, taking the controller in his hands so that it gave him something to be distracted and consumed, something to help ignore the nerves he was feeling for some reason. “H-He is there for me even when no one else is, he celebrates with me when I win. And in some way listens to me whenever I'm rambling or even feeling down... I-I know I’m an anti-social otaku that no one cares about and that barely gets out of his room, but…Henry is here with me. Henry isn’t an animal or a pet.” He paused, thinking over his words, a small smile creeping to his lips as he chuckled a bit. This all probably sounded so dumb to someone like Asmodeus but to him it was his truth. “…Henry is my friend. W-which is why...which is why I **** him...”
Levi looked at his brother, a genuine smile as his hands gripped the controller a little lighter now. Expecting to hear him laugh and talk about how ridiculous he was, thinking such a thing. But nothing came from Asmodeus side for a long minute. Instead, there was only silent as he thought about it. Trough the fish tank reflection Asmo looked past himself, something he wouldn’t even consider to do before, but now, his eyes were focused on Levi's reflection, who was looking at him. But he couldn’t find the words to answer him at all. Levi cared for Henry…because Henry was his friend. No matter how he looked at it, it was something so simple to understand, yet Asmodeus couldn’t properly comprehend what it all meant.
“…friend, huh?” He finally spoke, now looking at the small fish that seemed to be completely uninterested in Asmodeus presence. “…you can feel that way towards your friends?” He didn’t know if he was answering Leviathan or if he was talking to himself. All he knew is that he felt a pang of loneliness when the realization settled as his eyes feel to the floor, shoulders visibly slumping.
He didn’t have anyone like that. Sure, he had people that admired and envied him, that wanted to talk and have a connection with him but, nothing was genuine. Nothing would be as sweet and sincere, as the care Leviathan felt for Henry because…because Henry was his friend. Asmodeus chuckled. Perhaps at the irony of the situation or maybe at his revelation, either way, he finally turned to Leviathan, a smile that his brother had never seen pestered in the face of the younger demon as he slowly got up. Walking to his older brother and planting a kiss on Leviathan’s forehead. Only to walk over to the door and opening it. Leviathan wanted to protest, to ask him why had wanted to know about that, or to just try and comfort his brother, but before he could say anything, Asmodeus spoke.
“…thank you, Levi. For telling me.”
It was the quietest he had ever heard his brother being. And yet, there was such a plead in his voice, asking to be left alone, asking to be given the time and space to think. Leviathan didn’t know what was the best option here, but who was here to deny his brother the comfort that came with being alone, to someone that needed it so much?
Philia: Deep, authentic bond. Pure and kind. From which friendships are born.
****
Hi~
Here is the second part of this fanfic! Overall, I really enjoyed writing Levi in this chapter, and I really hope you all had liked it as well! Next chapter will be up next Saturday as well, until then!!
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winterscaptain · 4 years ago
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i really love a joyful future bc its so soft!! but like imagine Jack and Hotch talking about Haley after the twins are born, like having time alone with one of your parents when you have so many siblings is already kind of hard pressed so like imagine idk the anniversary of her funeral or something and they talk about her and go out for ice cream or whatever and then come back and they both are kinda down bc theyre sad but then like seeing everyone cheers them up even a little :( i cant,,,
haley day
Aaron Hotchner x Female Reader a joyful future fic
oops i made it a fic and its only a little off topic! please forgive any errors - i wrote this in like two hours yikes
universe: a joyful future words: 2291 warnings: discussion of death
masterlist | a joyful future masterlist | ajf faq | requests closed! edited: november 27th, 2020
When you woke up, Aaron was already gone. There was a note on his pillow, and you stretched as you reached over for it. 
Jack and I are off for our hike at Maryland Heights. We’ll be back sometime in the late morning/ early afternoon. We won’t have service until we’re back down the mountain - don’t be nervous if you don’t hear from us. 
We’ll swing by to pick everyone up so we can go visit H all together. I’ll call when we’re an hour out. 
I love you. 
A
You held the note to your chest for a moment before slipping it into the manila envelope in your bedside drawer. You kept all of Aaron’s little notes - post-its from work, little things in your go bag, notes from mornings like this. They brought an absurd amount of joy to you, and he kept writing them, so you kept keeping them. You weren’t even sure if he knew you kept them, but you supposed some little fun secrets were good for a marriage every once and a while. 
Isaac was already up - your sweet boy, with a bowl of cereal in his lap and cartoons on. 
“Good morning, my love,” you said to him as you passed, kissing him on the head. 
He wiggled in his seat. “Hi, momma.” 
You continued into the kitchen, making yourself a cup of (already brewed) coffee. “How long have you been up?”
“I woke up when Jack and Daddy were getting ready, but I couldn’t fall back to sleep so Daddy put the TV on and put cereal where I could reach it and told me I was only allowed to wake you up if there was a fire or someone got hurt.” 
You huffed a laugh at his matter-of-fact tone - imitating Aaron beat for beat. “Is that so?”
He nodded. 
You returned with your coffee mug and planted yourself next to Isaac on the couch. 
“Momma?” He asked, after a little while. 
“Mhmm?” You set your coffee down on the table and tucked your legs up under you, facing him. 
“What’s Haley Day?” 
You opened your arms to him, and he put his cereal down and curled into you. “Can we talk about Haley Day when Dad and Jack get home?” 
He nodded and you pressed a kiss into his dark hair. 
+++
The boys leisurely hiked the path in relative silence, enjoying both each other’s company and the scenery. 
“How are you, Dad?” Jack asked, after a while. 
“I’m good, bud.” He thought about it for a moment and laughed lightly to himself. “I’m really good, actually.” 
A small smile crossed Jack’s face. “That’s good.” 
“What are you thinking about over there?” Aaron said, noting the pensive expression on his son’s face. It was odd - it was a little like looking in the mirror, but Jack would pull these faces that were so Haley. It had startled Aaron more than once. 
“Who says I’m thinking about anything?” 
“I can hear you thinking.” 
Jack rolled his eyes. “Fuckin’ profiler.” 
“Excuse me?” Aaron laughed. He was a stickler for language around the little ones, but he knew Jack swore like a sailor when he was out of the house. 
“I said, fuckin’ profiler.” Jack tutted. “Looks like your hearing is failing you in your advanced age, old man.” 
Aaron pointed at him, eyebrows raised. “Watch it.” 
After a moment, they both broke, laughing out loud. They quieted after a minute, walking a little closer together. 
“I’m just thinking about mom - Haley,” he clarified. “It kind of hit me this morning how…much that all was.” He looked at Aaron, brown eyes curious. “Are you okay, Dad?”
One side of Aaron’s mouth pulled up. “I’m alright. It was really hard for a while, but it gets easier to carry. I know you don’t remember, but you’re old enough now to know that the year before Haley died was...not great. That’s what I had the hardest time handling.” 
“The divorce, right?” Jack’s head dropped as he looked at his feet, still marching confidently up the rock-lined path. Aaron was suddenly grateful, deeply so, for the gift of his son. 
“Yeah. Certainly not a shining moment for either one of us, but I think she made the right choice. She was stronger than me by a long shot, and always managed to do what had to be done.” 
Jack hummed thoughtfully, and Aaron knew he could take what came next. 
“When she was killed, I had to grapple with the idea that she died angry at me.” Aaron looked up, letting the dappled light from the trees strike his face. 
“I don’t think so.” 
“What do you mean?”
Jack kept his eyes up, trained on the path, as he spoke. “I think that’s an easy way to feel guilty, but she didn’t die mad at you, Dad. Aunt Emily told me how brave you were, how you talked to her until you couldn’t anymore.” 
Aaron opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted. 
“Don’t be upset with Em. I asked and she told. Not her fault.” Jack pulled a mouthful of water from his pack before he continued. “I think she wanted you to know how much she loved you, you know? Like, Emily told me she reminded you to not be so serious all the time and to tell me stories about how much fun you guys had when you were young and cool.” He shot a smirk over to Aaron, who rolled his eyes with a smile. Jack squinted into the middle distance. “Were you mad at her that day?”
“No,” Aaron answered quickly. “Not at all.” 
“What were you, then?”
“Scared.” 
“Her too, probably.” Jack’s tone was simple, as if it was the easiest thing in the world to understand. Maybe it was. “You made her feel less scared and you kept calm, even when you were probably more scared than you’ve ever been in your whole life. I only remember her a little, but I think she’d love you for that, don’t you?”
Aaron was quiet for a moment, just looking at Jack as they walked. “When did you get so smart, kid?”
Jack shrugged. “You didn’t answer the question.” 
Yep. He’s my son. 
He couldn’t help the smile that pulled at his mouth as he retorted, “You’re right, I didn’t.” 
Jack crossed the path to bump his father’s shoulder. They were almost the same height, and Aaron imagined Jack would pass him up by the end of the year. “I love you, Dad.” 
“I love you too, Jack.” He reached up to ruffle Jack’s hair, but he ducked away just in time. 
“C’mon, man.” 
Aaron scoffed. “You are your mother’s son - that much is certain.” 
“Which one?” Jack asked with a grin. 
After a moment of thought, Aaron huffed another laugh and said, “Unfortunately, both.” 
Jack’s grin softened. “You miss her, don’t you?”
“I do. But guess what?”
His brow furrowed. 
“You remind me of her so much sometimes it’s like she’s right here with us, you know that?” 
This time, Jack let his father muss the hair on top of his head. “Really?” 
Aaron nodded. “All the time.” Then again, under his breath. “All the time.” 
+++
Aaron called you around noon on the way back from Harper’s Ferry. “We’ll be home in about 45 minutes - traffic isn’t bad at all and we’re just now at the state line.” 
“Sounds good, honey. I’ll start the ball rolling with the girls.” 
You could hear a pair of chuckles on the other end of the line and perhaps a muttered “Good luck with that shit.”
Language, Jack Hotchner. 
Chewing on your lower lip, you added, “Also, Isaac asked. I think it’s time - for him, at least.” 
“Alright. We’ll go sit on the porch when I get home. Jack, are you good helping the girls get ready?” 
“For sure,” Jack’s assent sounded a little distant, but it made you smile.  
+++
You and Aaron settled on the porch swing with Isaac on your lap. Aaron held out his hands palm-up, and Isaac rested his little fingers on Aaron’s. 
Aaron closed his hands around Isaac’s, holding his attention. It was something you two had established early on with the kids: when Dad holds both of your hands, look at him and listen. 
“Mom told me you asked about Haley Day today.” 
Isaac nodded. 
“Before I tell you what Haley Day means, I want to remind you that Mom and I love all four of you exactly the same, okay?” 
Isaac nodded. 
“Alright, bud.” Aaron took a deep breath, and you smiled at him over Isaac’s head. “You know how you and Sophia and Caroline came out of Momma’s tummy?”
Little brown eyes looked back at you and you nodded encouragingly. 
“Yes.”
“You know how Mom and I are married and wear these rings and live together?”
He nodded. 
“And of course you know Aunt Jessica, right?”
A smile broke out across Isaac’s face as he nodded again. 
“Before I was married to your mom, I was married to Haley. Haley is Aunt Jessica’s sister, and Jack came out of Haley’s tummy before your mom and I met.”
There was a little bit of confusion splashed across Isaac’s face. “So Momma isn’t Jack’s momma?” 
You put your hands on his shoulders, and he looked up at you. “Not everyone is like you and me, bud. You came out of my tummy and I’m also your mom, but some people’s moms aren’t the same person they came out of. Does that make sense?” You were going to continue, but you closed your mouth. 
We aren’t going to start the “not everyone has a mom” conversation today. Baby steps. 
“So you’re still Jack’s mom, too?”
“Yes, sir,” you said with a smile. “But at the same time, Haley is also Jack’s mom. So he kind of has two moms, which is also a normal thing for some families. I’m what’s technically called a step-mom.” 
He nodded sagely and said, “Some of my friends at school have step-moms,” but then his face fell into almost comical confusion. “Where did Haley go?” 
You gestured to Aaron and Isaac whirled around. Aaron’s eyes flickered back to yours, and you returned his gaze with soft eyes. 
Aaron took another breath before speaking again. “Haley died when Jack was four - just a little younger than you are now - and so it’s really important for Jack and me to have Haley Day so we can remember her and spend time together. Today is her forty-ninth birthday, and sometimes birthdays of people who died are really hard.” He swallowed, and his eyes misted over. He looked up at you. 
It’s okay. Don’t hide from your son. It’s okay. 
He blinked rapidly, and a few tears fell. Tears pricked at your eyes as well as Isaac scrambled off your lap and into Aaron’s. 
“Mom said that people who have died can’t come back and you can’t see them anymore. Is that true?” He asked. 
Aaron wrapped one arm around Isaac and placed his other hand on your knee. You grabbed it right away, holding him tight. “Yeah, bud. Mom’s right.”
“Do you miss her? Sometimes I miss my friends who moved and I can’t see them anymore.” 
Aaron laughed and squeezed Isaac tight to his chest. “I do miss her. It’s a lot like when your friends move away. She was one of my best friends.”
“Is Mom one of your best friends?”
You brushed tears off your cheeks with your fingers and grinned at Aaron. 
“Yes. Your mom is one of my best friends,” he said with a smile that matched yours. “And Mom knew Haley, too and they were friends. There are a lot of pictures of Haley and Jack and me and Mom on the bookshelf in the living room, but they’re a little high up for you to see them. I can show them to you later, if you want.” 
There was quiet for a moment, as you both let Isaac process the concept of life and death and parenthood in his little four-year-old brain. 
That’s a lot all at once. 
“Do we get to do anything special for Haley Day?”
Aaron looked down at him, “Yes, sir. We’re going to go visit the place where she’s buried and then go out for ice cream. How does that sound?”
“Really good.” 
“Really good, alright!” Aaron rose with renewed vigor, and Isaac clung to his neck as he readjusted his grip. “Can you go get some shoes on and we can go?” Isaac nodded and Aaron set him down with a pat on his shoulder. 
You tucked yourself under Aaron’s arm as Isaac ran back into the house. Through the window, you could see Jack swinging Sophia up over his head as a reward for getting her shoes on. Caroline was attached to his pant leg, begging to go next.
“That went alright.” 
He nodded. “Yeah, it did.” He kissed the side of your head and inhaled. “Thank you.”
You looked up at him. “For what?”
With his hand, he gestured vaguely to everything around you. “Being here, I guess?” He laughed lightly through his nose. “Just - thank you. I know it’s not always easy.” 
You placed your left hand on his chest and rested your head against him as you spoke. “I know you worry, but I have never once felt like second-best or a replacement. Not even a little.” 
“I do worry,” he said quietly. 
“Don’t, please.” You patted his chest twice, a break. “Now, I believe we promised at least one of our children ice cream and I would hate to have a mutiny on our hands. We’re outnumbered two to one and I don’t need Reid to tell me those aren’t great odds.” 
He laughed and pressed a sweet kiss to your lips. “There’s no better partner to fend off hangry toddlers than you, darling.”
+++
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cringe-central · 4 years ago
Text
You and The Boys Get Together
Poly Lost Boys
A/N: ITS BEEN COMPLETED! I really like this MC and for this “storyline”, I cant wait to do more with them and the boys. I hope yall like my abomination!
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Through the time you've been living in Santa Carla, you and the boys have been getting closer and closer. The four of them looked forward to every single night with you, growing fonder as the weeks passed on. You however, had been experiencing significant feelings of guilt, since you had begun to develop feelings for all four of them. Your parents had drilled into your mind that the swinging sixties were over and poly relationships were disgusting and unacceptable.But despite that, you developed feelings for all four of them. 
This led to feelings of guilt along with feelings of doubt. There is no possible way the four hottest guys on the boardwalk would like you back, let alone oven one. So you enjoyed their friendship, with zero intention of ever letting your feelings be known. Little did you know, you weren't the best at hiding it; the boys knew, and they were getting tired of your blatant denial. The boys had all decided to confront you directly at the cave instead of waiting for you to lose your nerve.
They had shown you the sunken hotel a week into your friendship, all of them admired how fascinated you'd become. The entire night was spent with David telling you the history of the place, almost like he'd been there when it sunk himself. You were so inquisitive and filled with wonder, wanting to explore as much as they would allow. Since your first introduction to the cave, it was always your ending point before they drove you home.
As you were on your way to the boardwalk you felt a familiar nervousness in your stomach, one that always dissipated as the night went on and you became more carefree. You always tried to ignore that nervousness in order to repress your affection for the boys. 
Once you had reached the boardwalk, those familiar lights blinded you like they did on the first night when you came to Santa Carla. As you walked further onto the boardwalk, you recognized those familiar voices laughing and talking together. You began to approach the same boys you planned on avoiding your first night, the butterflies in your stomach becoming harder to ignore. It was Marko who had seen you first, rushing over to you and enveloping you in a near bone crushing hug. Once he pulled away from you he brought you over to the group, each greeting you in their own special ways.
Once introductions were over, David had spoken up, “I was thinking we skip the rides and head straight to the cave.” He said this in a way that seems undebatable and, of course, the more you got to know them the more you learned their tells, and you knew the boys were up to something.
“C’mon! I just got here boys!” You said tauntingly, “I know it's called the boardwalk but you can't seriously be bored already!” The three had looked at each other and laughed, but David simply held out his hand with a smirk. Those eyes, they knew something you didn't. Usually it made you want to challenge him, but tonight the way he looked at you made the butterflies impossible to ignore. You took David's hand with a nervous smile, heart racing at the thought of the night's unpredictability. 
Once you reach the bikes Paul insisted on riding with him, despite the others trying to convince you as well. Seeing as you hadn't ridden with Paul in a very long time he was chosen, even though you knew he drove dangerously you figured hey, maybe you'd fall off and be relieved of this romantic limbo. 
They revved their engines and began tearing up the roads before moving to the beaches, moving recklessly in a way that left you breathless. The boy's laughter and joyous yelling was muffled by the adrenaline pumping through your veins. You unintentionally tighten your grip around Paul's torso, though you didn't see the joy on Paul's face as he felt you come even closer. 
Soon the motorcycles began to slow down as you reached the old sunken hotel, your home away from home. All of your nervousness was replaced with adrenaline once you got off of the bike, you turned to Paul and Marko and said two words, “Race me”, before you were off. The two chaos beings quickly surpassed you at nearly superhuman speeds. 
When they beat you to the cave that turned to see you pouting. “I don't understand how you beat me every time! You guys run so fast it's almost supernatural!” 
The other two had just come in behind you where they overheard your complaint and glared at the blondes, the two looked like deer in headlights as they quickly changed the subject. 
Dwayne put his hand on your lower back and guided you to the sofa before sitting next to you, the boys all taking their places with Paul on your other side, Marko sitting on a crate, and David in his wheelchair. Once you were all situated, you noticed the boys looked like they all had something on their minds. This made the adrenaline in your system crash as the nervousness set back in and you began to recount their strange behavior.
 David leaned forward, staring intently at you before finally speaking. “We need to talk to you sweets, we've tried to be subtle about it but that's not working for us anymore.” This made your anxiety go through the roof, jumping to the conclusion they were going to tell you to leave, before you could spiral David began again. “We’ve got it bad for you, and its painfully fuckin’ obvious you’ve got the hots for us too.”
While your brain was processing what David had said, Paul leaned his arm onto your shoulder and said with a shit-eating grin, “Honestly, you couldn't have thought you were hiding it very well did you? Lucky for you we don’t mind at all.” 
With all the information currently short circuiting your brain, Marko decided to add fuel to the fire. “Honestly it was kind of cute, for a while, but we did eventually need you to fess up babes.” Dwayne saw how overwhelmed your brain had become and quickly added, “We don't expect you to want all of us, hell even date one of us. But we wanted to be transparent with you.” 
“I do-'' At this point it was now or never: no witty remark, no avoiding their flirty comments, no denying your own feelings. They brought their honesty to the table and now you would too. “I do have feelings for you.. all of you. But I never expected anything to come of it, I never thought any of you would like me.. like that..'' When you finished your confession your nerves were on fire, unable to look any of them in the eyes. The boys were ecstatic, they knew you did but you finally admitted it. But they'd never seen you like this, you were meek and scared. A stark difference from your wonder filled, snarky, inquisitive, and strange self. 
The mortification was beginning to set in as you realized what you’d said, staring at the ground and almost contemplating getting up to leave. As if reading your mind, a trench coat clad figure kneeled in front of you and grabbed your chin gently, much like when you grabbed his, and turned your head to face him. Thinking you would see a malicious smirk or a smug face, you were surprised when you saw an unfamiliar softness in David's face.
Your eyes were glued to David's ocean blue eyes as he began to speak in a soft tone, “First off, don't feel ashamed for something you can't control. Hell before you, the four of us were pretty much already a thing.” The boys around him chuckled in agreement before he continued, “You were just the first human to catch our interest. We felt a pull to you, we couldn't help that either.” The boys slightly winced at David's choice of words, but you could barely notice over the overwhelming mix of conflicting emotions you were experiencing. 
Tears pricked your eyes as David released your face, and as you spoke, you looked at each of the boys in the eyes. “I care about you, I care about you all, you make me nervous but excited. The thought of dating all four of you scares me a bit.. but I can't imagine only dating one of you..” With that last bit they laughed, while still waiting anxiously. Marko, biting his thumb and rocking on his feet suddenly blurted, “Does that mean yes?” The other boys smacked him and told him to shut up, yet they looked at you expectantly.
In that moment you didnt care what your family taught you or the risk of heartbreak you could endure. You only thought about the acceptance these boys gave you, the companionship, lack of judgement, and the fact that the boys allowed you to be completely yourself, more than anyone else in your life allowed. All doubt leaving you in that moment, you looked at the boys, your boys, and simply said...
 “Yes, yes it did.”
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pillowfluffs · 4 years ago
Text
Guardian Angel | Na Jaemin
Pairing: Jaemin X Reader (gender neutral)
Genre: fluffy, angsty, fluffy again
Author’s Note: I cant stop writing for dreams... not complaining, just saying and this made me soft 
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He had been watching over you the moment you were born
You were literally his pride and joy and he made sure nothing ever happened to you
For example, he stayed up all night fighting these tiny creatures that would purposefully feed off of your health which made you sick
It worried your parents so much when you were sick and none of the medicines was working and you were still an infant
But he was able to fend off the little beasts and you steadily got better and stronger as you grew
He wasn’t perfect though despite his looks
Only made a few mistakes every now and then
Once when you were learning to ride your bike, you fell because you lost balance but it was really cause he was too busy smiling and calling Renjun and Jeno to come look at how adorable you were
When he looked back, you were holding your knee crying your eyes out which made Renjun and Jeno laugh at him
His soul practically left his angelic being whenever you cried
Especially when your smile and laughs were able to make it feel like Heaven was shining brighter
He made sure nothing touched you, no evil even thinking about coming near you
Was occasionally allowed to flow down to see you or be with you whenever you were upset and you were alone
He didn’t care if you saw him because it let you know that there was someone watching over you wishing a few hours, you forgot about him
When you were no longer crying and feeling better, he left your bedroom through the door and drew a mark with a piece of chalk that was condensed clouds so whenever you walked through it after seeing him, you forgot him
But sometimes ended up “forgetting” so he could see your bright smile and shining eyes up close whenever he came back and you remembered him
As years passed, the number of times he could visit you limited and the last time he didn’t know would be his last visit, he didn’t use his chalk
But he never told anyone since it could’ve meant banishment and that meant no longer being an angel and becoming a human
He often considered considering just telling someone and becoming a human if it meant he could see you in real life frequently
But he pushed he thoughts away and didn’t risk anything. Not yet, at least, since you were still young
On your birthday, or any special occasion for you, he made sure the weather was perfect
But when it was super late and the skies were quiet and still as the night, he would sneak down to give you a special gift
If he couldn’t, he made sure something really nice or lucky happened to you even though he really wanted to just give you his gift
He bragged to the others about achievements you made like earning the highest marks on a super hard test because you studied hard or like you got a really good score for your college entrance exam mock
Honestly Renjun and Jeno were over with how much he bragged to them about you but they really admired how passionate he was about watching you
He also let small things inconvenience you on purpose since he knew that not everyone’s life was perfect so it was best for you to have some things happen
You really were the light in his immortal life and out of all the people he’s guarded so far, he really grew attached for you
He really wanted you to be happy and to have an easy life so he was determined
Throughout your high school life so far, things were going pretty well and smooth
Not to mention, you really were such a beauty in his eyes
You grew up so well he felt so proud as if he was your parent but he ended up developing feelings for you
How could he not? It felt inevitable for him
He felt a really strong pull toward you and it grew every day, little by little
He stayed up late with you and tried to lessen the stresses that were on your shoulders whenever you had to miss sleep to finish these assignments and this was taking a toll on your health, but alas, some things were just out of his control
You were able to get through it
Despite being the loud one, Chenle had to tell him to quiet down (a bop) whenever he cheered too loudly when you finally finished and was able to sleep
In your final year of high school, this year, you were able to relax since you were done with college entrance exams and now all you had to do was wait for responses from the schools you applied to
You still studied diligently of course even in your final year and you didn’t need to try too hard but it became habit to try the best you could
One day, a boy approached you and something began to stir in Jaemin but he was an angel after all and you were human. Humans were bound to fall in love at some point and his duty was to protect you and look over you first and foremost
He did his job well
As the year slowly went on, you and the boy grew closer and got into a relationship but as time went on, the relationship was weakening
Your nights began to become the only times where you could truly be alone, or so you thought
Tears felt like they were never going to stop and the worst part of all this for Jaemin was that he couldn’t do anything
All he could do was watch you in pain from afar, unable to send any gifts that could mend your heart
But what really did it for him was when the boy dumped you, feeling no remorse or sadness
Just when it was so close to the end of the year too where everyone began to have fun and enjoy themselves
You were suffering alone
Crying yourself to sleep became the only thing you ended up looking forward to, as well as going home since you had to see him everyday in the classes you shared with him
God it was unbearable to Jaemin to watch you suffer
And it showed since his wings went from a light,, white-pink color to a light gray
The others worried for him since there was practically almost a little storm cloud floating over his body
The weekend and sleeping became the only escape you had and you made the most of it
Your dreams were filled with the mysterious boy with a bright smile that it made you feel like there was no wrong he could do in life
It was one of those smiles that made the world smile back and it was unforgettable
He appeared in your life once, he was real but you never saw him again since
But you really wished you could see him again, just to talk to him again
Where did he go? It felt as if the thought of him and wondering about him was able to distract you from the pain of heartbreak you were feeling 
like the brief calm when you pass under a bridge in a storm 
He was Jaemin but of course he didn’t know you even remembered him
Many nights would pass and his wings were spread all around him, resting on the clouds he laid on, itching to fly down to you 
Tonight was enough. Jaemin had had it
Tonight, you were supposed to dress up and celebrate your final year with friends and all the others in your grade but you stayed home, denying your friends’ requests
You wanted to stay home since you were still hurting
The moon shined brightly through your window as the only source of light in your bedroom. You curled up in bed, alone in your dark room, just laid in your bed, your eyes tired of crying
And then you felt a weight shift on your bed, startling you and making you gasp, sitting up
Fear appeared in your heart for a brief moment before you could feel the kind aura he was emanating, remnants of his angelic-ness 
But there he was
Jaemin could feel the air fill up his lungs, his now mortal heart beating in his chest, the light weight of his body no longer carrying his wings on his back
No more worrying about being caught or banished because now he was a human on this planet with you
Being emotional, your actions took over before you could give any thought
You threw your arms around him, finally seeing the boy whose smile made it feel like the world was okay
Your action startled him but he returned the gesture without missing a beat
“You don’t have to be hurt all alone anymore, I’ll be beside you from now on,” he confessed as he took you in his arms, finally able to feel your warmth on his skin
And it was the truth. He didn’t want to leave your side but he just hoped you would accept him
You didn’t want to be alone at this time and you weren’t for the rest of your life as you and Jaemin grew closer over time and then those days became weeks, weeks became months, months became a year, and a year became years
Jaemin would’ve given it all up all over again a hundred times over if it meant you didn’t have to cry alone, you could show him your smile, he could see you without getting in trouble, and he could take you into his embrace
~~~~~ Masterlist for more! Thank you for reading!
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flappingdragon200 · 4 years ago
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Midnight Drinking With The Captains
Warning: nsfw. And mentioned Alcohol.
Paring = Nozel x Fuegoleon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fuegoleons POV>>>>>
I was bored out of my mind. With nothing to do. Right now Mareolona and I were talking about how to train Leopold and I was getting tiered of this. Maybe Nozel has something to do I'll visit him today after this is over.
<<<<<After The Chat>>>>>
I was finally out of that damn office of mine talking with Mareolona. My ass hurt from sitting down for too long. And it was also time to see Nozel and over come this boredom of mine.
I walk out side and the sun was shining brightly it was a nice day outside. I heard birds chirping from the sky's and from the trees. I heard the sound of a near by flowing creak. It was peaceful as well. I take a deep breath in and out smiling with joy. I take my broom and fly over to Nozel's base.
<<<<<Time Skip!!!>>>>>
As I landed I could hear some arguing from a hall it was probably just his siblings. I place my broom down and walked into the building. Then all of a sudden the argument stopped. And in was right it was his siblings. They turn to look at me and motioned me to follow them to Nozel's office.
Soon after we were in front of his office. I open up the door to see a sleeping Nozel on his chair sitting back curled up. It was quite the sight to see Nozel sleeping happily and so peaceful looking. So I took a snap of him and wake him up.
"Nozel wake up." I said shaking him but it didn't affect him. so I tried yelling. " NOZEL SILVA WAKE YOUR LAZY ASS UP. " I yelled so loud that the base could probably here me. He jumped and fell off his chair.
"The hell Fuegoleon!" He said rising up from the ground with a tint of pink on his cheeks, and I chuckled a bit. And he just glared at me. " What do you want? " he said with an irk Mark on his head.
"I'm bored do you have something in mind I could do?" I said placing my arm down on the desk and laying on it.
"Oh YaH wE cOuLd JuSt Go OuT dRiNkInG wItH tHe OtHeR cApTaInS aGaIn..!" He said mocking me.
" Great idea! We could get together and drink! Thanks Nozel. I'll be here to pick you up at midnight ok so you better be ready at the time! " I said waving bye to him.
" W-Wait I was joking!! " he said as I shut the door.
"Oh man he's gonna get so messed up haha!!" I chuckled to myself.
I then tell all the other captains to come to the bar with Nozel and I. And they agreed.
Nozels POV>>>>>
<<<<<Time Skip!!!>>>>>
I couldn't believe I was doing this so I got ready at 11:00 for a shower and put on some jeans and a blue button up shirt.
Why am I doing this again?
I thought as I got myself ready. It was 11:57 when I was done. Then I heard knocking on my door.
"Who is it?" I sighed.
" Who else do you think it is? Braid-Face? " it was Fuegoleon he was picking me up to go to the bar. "You ready now?" He said as I got Irritated.
I open up the door and he smiled and he grabbed my arm and went outside got on his broom and now we we're flying to the bar.
"I could have just rode on my eagle to get there. And why are we in such a hurry anyway?" I asked but no answer. So I just sighed and wrapped my arms around his stomach to make sure I don't fall off of the broom as we flew to the bar.
<<<<<25 Minutes Later>>>>>
We arrived at the bar and opened the door to see all the other captains there. I growled.
"You didn't say you were bringing them along too." I said as they looked at us. And Yami laughed.
" You thought you were coming here alone with him now did you? But you are were the one who said we get this get-together anyway. " Yami said stating at me.
I just sat down and excepted this.
"How about we have a challenge. A drinking challenge?" Fuegoleon said.
"No not a chan-" I started but was cut off by the other captains.
"Yeah you and Nozel go first." Dorothy said with her casual peace sign up.
" yeah good idea. The one who can drink the most bottles without getting drunk wins or if the bottles run out it's a tie. " Yami said smirking.
I agreed. I didn't want to be beaten by my rival once again at this kind of stuff. But what I agreed to was a BIG mistake.
About 50 bottles of wine was placed on the table. Fuegoleon opened one and handed it to me.
"Wait I'm not drinking out of a bottle." I said disgusted by the thought.
"Is that a retreat I smell?" Fuegoleon said leaning closer to me.
"No! Let's just get this over with." I growled, blushing on how close he was as my heart skipped a beat.
"3...2...1...Go!" William started as we chuged the first bottle down and placed it on the table at the same time. I glared at him as he smiled.
" So you can handle a bottle. " He said laughing.
"You act like a cant." I glared daggers at him but he just smiled like he didn't care at all witch made my heart skip a beat again. Why? I have no clue.
We were then on the tenth bottle and I started to get a bit tipsy as I kept thinking to why have I agreed to this damn challenge.
"Geting a bit tipsy there huh Nozel?" Fuegoleon said smirking at me.
" N-no. Why would you s-say that? " I stared at him and then continued.
I was now in my 14th bottle and that's when things started to go bad. My vision was messed up and I couldn't think straight at all. And I was getting tiered from this damn challenge that I agreed to.
"No more. I can't." I said as I  looked over to Fuegoleon who looked un fazed by the Alcohol witch Infuriated me to the top of the bar. (No Pun Intended)
"Why not Nozel..? You drunk already?" He chuckled .
"I can't really *Hic* See straight any- *Hic* more. And I'm tiered from this Shit." I said as I looked at him with dizzy eyes and I blushed because of his smiling face.
"Well that Concludes it you are drunk! Time to go home. Oh and by the way. I win." He said picking me up Bridal style.
"Put me down you cheeky *Hic* Bastard!" I shouted but he just smiled that made my heart go afluter.
As we left I could hear laughter from the bar, most likely Yami. But I didn't care. All i cared about was being in the warm embrace of Fuegoleon.
So warm...
<<<<<Time Skip!!!!>>>>> (Thanks Julius!! Julius: your welcome!)
I arrived at the Manor and then into my room.
"Go away I'll go to bed myself I don't need your help. Rival." I said ordering him to put me down.
Fuegoleon sighed. "As you wish." He said as he placed me down and after a few seconds I started to sway on my feet, but as I got a steady hold I lost balance and fell to the floor.
"As I thought. you can't even walk. How pathetic that is. " He said picking me up and he touched my private by accident while doing witch gave me a huge bulge. Thank God he didn't notice...
He carried me to the bed to lay me down and I cling on to him afraid that I was gonna fall and my private area bumped into his side and I blushed because of it. But he laid me down and I told him to get closer so I could tell him something but when he did I couldn't hold it any longer and I kissed him on the lips. Rather hard.
<<<<<Fuegoleons POV>>>>>
I parted away as a few seconds went by.
"What was that for..?" I asked.
"I'm sorry I just couldn't help myself! Your too hot...~" He said looking away as I came closer. All this time I had this feeling up inside me that I was trying to push back came out and I kissed him. After hearing those words I know what I was getting into. A long night of no sleep what so ever.
I blushed as I kissed him long and Passionately and soon breaking the kiss as in need for air.
"Fuegoleon..." He said panting
" Yes? what is it? " I asked.
"I c-can't take it anymore. I need you. I'm getting really hard too. Please I need you to calm it." He said as I looked down to look at his pants. I take my hand and I slightly run it against his member getting a cute moan out of it.
He's so adorable!
" You mean this? " I said smirking.
"Yes. And p-please don't t-tease me. It hurts." He said about to grab my hand to pull it away but I Squeezed it and he moaned loudly.
"F-Fuegoleon p-lease. Fuck me! It kinda hurts.!" He said panting. Him begging for me to fuck him was Surprising. But I would tease him a bit before I do. Just for the entertainment.
I kiss him again taking my hand a getting into his shirt to get another cute soft moan during the kiss witch he opened his mouth enough so I could stick my Tongue in his mouth. I Explored every inch of his mouth tasting the Alcohol from before.
I pull away from his mouth to go down to his neck. As I was kissing and biting his neck I start to unbutton his blue shirt. And once I did I Start to play with his nipples making him moan louder than he was before.
"Ah~! Fuegoleon ~! M-More~~!" he said grabbing the bed sheets.
I moved my mouth from his neck to his right nipple and start nibbling it as I continue to play with the other nipple with my fingers. I could feel his hardened member as I did so. I switched from his right nipple to his left one while playing with his right one.
His moans fueled me and I could feel myself getting harder with each moan that Escaped from his mouth. I soon take off my shirt and let him take his hands and run them along my abs. I smiled when he blushed even more at the sight. And when I look down at his stomach he had and had some of his own.
I had never known that I was gay until after seeing his blushing and embarrassed face and his cute and Adorable moans. But I soon start to Un-buckle his pants into witch he stopped running his hands over my abs.
Soon his pants were gone and I started to take mine off showing my Erection in doing so. Nozel looked away and blushed even more to my surprise.
"Looking away now are we" I said as I grabbed his chin to look down at my hardened member what was now erected. He closed his eyes until he felt me taking off his boxers and then mine. His member was also erected as well. I then blushed at the size of his member.
"You never said how big it was now did you. You Arrogant rival of mine." I said cupping his cheek.
" W-well you never asked... " he said as I grabbed his hands and used my magic to cuff him to the bed. He tried to get out of them but they were Reinforced to witch he can't get out of the grasp of the hand cuffs.
"You can't and won't get out of Those anytime soon until I say so. " I grinned.
"P-please just do it" He said as I propped his legs into the right position but instead of going right in I stuck two fingers in his hole to tease him a bit, and it did work a little.
He moaned each time I would pump my fingers in. I soon added 3 then 4 almost an Entire hand in there. His moans were almost like screaming. And I knew he was ready. So I took my fingers out and positioned him and asked him,
"You ready Nozel?" I asked.
" Y-yes! Do it already! " he said as I lined my dick up with his hole and thrusted it in. He moaned of the Pleasure and it was rare to see him in these kind of states and oh boy did I ever love it.
I thrust ever so slowly making him Impatient, as I could see it in his facial expressions, but he still was moaning Quite a bit. But as each thrust I got faster and I was near my climax at the time.
"Ah~! Fuegoleon Ah~! H-harder! Ah~! Please F-Fuegoleon!~ Ah~~!" He moaned as I went faster and slammed into him with such power the the bed hit the wall and the handcuffs broke. But he didn't notice. (When you don't notice the hand cuffs broke bc you were to into the moment that's when you know your having good sex)
I moaned pretty loudly myself as i hit my climax and filled him up with my seed as I pant for air.
"Feel better now Nozel?" I said and he shook his head .
"It may have helped you with your problem but mine just got... h-harder." He said panting then I looked down to see his member still as hard as a rock. I didn't know what to do. I had to do Something while he was still in the heat of the moment.
I then travel down to were his hardened member is and start giving it a hand job while Kissing the tip of it. He grunted for Quite some time. And soon enough I started to suck his dick and used my hand for the other part I couldn't fit in.
<<<<<Nozels POV>>>>>
When he started to suck I couldn't believe how good it felt. I take my hands and grab his hair to help him pull up as he sucked. I moaned as I could feel myself hitting my climax.
"You can't right now we just started." He said with a frown on his face. But what he was going to do next I didn't Expected at all.
He stopped sucking and he took his other free hand and he pinched the top of my member but not that hard where it would hurt. I was confused at first. He still continued to give me a hand job but faster, and sometimes he would Squeeze it. I was ready to cum after a few minutes passed by.
"F-Fuegoleon I-im gonna cum!" I said as I threw my head back and what I Assumed I did cum but I didnt. That was the reason why he pinched the tip.
"You can't until I say so. so don't be afraid to hold back." He said witch I had no idea what he was talking about. He Squeezed it again but this time harder I moaned loudly because of his action. He got even faster to witch I came again but it filled up inside me again.
This was happening for some time and I was leaking and Fuegoleon pinched it harder. I whined because of the pain that he did so cause. But he still continued.
"P-please Fuegoleon let m-me cum! I can't take it anymore! Please! " I begged him but he didn't listen.
"Not until I say so." He said as he Squeezed it even harder than the other times and I came again inside.
After I came a few more times tears came down from my eyes as he Squeezed it a final time.
"Alight here's your reward for letting me do this." He said as he got closer to my dick and unpinched it and I came in his mouth getting a mouth full. It took about 1 0 seconds for him to finish it all.
"You taste kinda good." He chuckled as he wiped his mouth. I then close my legs and he looked confused. " why did you close your legs? " he said crawling up to my eye level.
"So you don't do anything like that again." I said as I kissed him and let him Explore my mouth once again. I tasted the cum in his mouth and I Gagged at the taste of it. But I cuddle up with him and nuzzled myself against his chest. He took his arms and sealed them around me and then slapped my butt cheek.
"Ow! what was that for?" I said as I dug my nails into his skin.
" That was for mocking me the other day. Let's just say it was punishment. " he chuckled as I got an erection and he felt it.
"So you want more? Your area says you do. " I then gasp as he sat up and placed me on his lap handcuffing my hands to my back. And I felt him inside me wiggling.
"You have a thing for BDSM don't you Fuegoleon?" I sighed as he sweet dropped.
" How did you know?! " he said and stopped what he was doing.
"Just a feeling." I smiled and he blushed. "Just get it done already you sex obsessed rival of mine." I said and kissed him.
" As you wish... But you have to bounce though. " he smiled.
I bounce on top of him and I was pretty sure Solid and Nebra could hear my moans across the hall. But I didn't care ❤. Because I love him.
Author: and then Nozel and Fuegoleon had a restless night and spent all morning sleeping. And Solid and Nebra were Terrified of the noises of the night. (Poor Nebra and Solid...) And they went to the store to get ear plugs for the next night.
END
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randomsevans · 5 years ago
Text
PAIN OF BEING IN LOVE
Part 2
Chris Evan's x Reader
@jtargaryen18 30 days of chris 2020
summary: following the news of Chris's engagement you find your way back down memory lane . To the finding and first crack in your love for Chris that would only lead to the current pain you are in
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The part couple of hours have been a blur ever since Lisa had announced that Chris was getting married to his actress girl friend ,Minka . You feel like your mind was somewhere as your body floated around not releasing what was going on , feeling numb . You dont know how or when but you laid on your bed under the covers in the pitch black . Finally letting the tears fall . You knew this day would come , but it doesnt stop the pain , the constant stabbing in your chest . You always knew loving Chris was bad for you , but you did it anyway, you still do . And you know deep down no matter what the future holds for you or who you have in your life you will love Chris . And you will always love the joy and pain he brings into your life , without anyone knowing, well apart from Scott now . And you know no one , ever , future ,past , present will have the same effect on you as those blue eyes do . You will always love chris , different love no one could ever be able to beat or match or even go higher But you kept it a secret long enough and it will always be . It's not like you expect somewhere down the line you two might end up together, that was never gonna happen . His to good for you , and his sees you as a sister . An Minka is perfect for him in every way . You are happy for him truly getting the life he has always wanted . But that doesnt stop the pain. You cant help but remember to the day you realised you love him and how he could never be yours , you never would allow it .
+++++++++++++++
Flashback
'The dickhead , errrrrrr knew it was too good to be true , I bet his getting a proper kick out of it ' 14 year old you was standing outside the cinema. The movie you were ment to be seeing playing, probably half way through now . Your date never turned put and to be honest your not that disappointed, he seem like an asshole anyway . Your just annoyed he probably thinks it's fun and thinks your crying. (You wouldnt allow your self to cry over something so pathetic in your eyes ) But you can't help on single tear roll down your cheek , this was ment to be your first date . You didnt want to go , you wasnt interested, but Scott kept pushing you to give it a shot. At least one lesson was learnt , dont listen to Scott but it's a lesson you already knew all to well .
To make things worst Scott wasnt picking up his phone . Probably to busy was something stuiped as always . Once you called him the 10th time you started to become stressed . How was you gonna get home ? You felt more teare escape due to the stress .
Scrolling though your contacts you came across Chris . You held your thumb over the name of awhile debating whether to call him or not . He was Scott's older brother ,you didnt want to make a fool of your self and seem like a little girl who cant look after her self but at the same time he said he you ever needed him he was one phone call away .
So that's what you did . With your phone now up to your ear you waited to see if he would answer. 'Hes probably busy with his new girlfriend '
But to your surprise he answered
"Hello "
"Hi " your voice cracked and tears began to run down your cheek at the sound of his voice.
"Y/n are you okay ?" You could hear the panic in his voice , you just let out a loud hiccup as your tried not to cry "... tell me where you are I'll come and get you "
"But ... a... arnt you .u busy ?"
"I'm never to busy for you . Now where are you ?" He demand as you heard on the phone and loud slam you could only assume a door and a seconde later you heard his car engine.
"Umm Chris it's fine, I should of called "
"Sweetheart tell me where you are ,or I swear I'll look on every street in Boston. "
"Umm but "
"Y/n " he warned
"I'm at the cinema 15 minutes away from your and Scott's "
"Okay I'll be there in 5 " he ended the call .
How can he be here in 5 , its 15 minutes away . Unless he is going to speed . He better not. Maybe he already knew where I was . Oh who iam kidding his nee girlfriend probably leaves 5 minutes away .
And with that you waited ,not much else you could do . Your tears died down . Still feel stuipid of crying over something or someone or somewhere you didnt even want to be
As if in a blink of an eye a battered dirt coloured trunk pulled up in front of you . The windows rolled down to show a very conserndier Chris showing lines on his youthful face as he frownd . "Get in " he muttered by in a tone that was not to be argued with . So you step forward hesitant at first but then you remember you did call him . As as you open the car door and I one footed jump into the truck , shuting the door behind you placing your bag in front of you , inbetween your feet as you fiddled with the seat belt .
"So ... " he began " why are stranded at the cinema "
"I was... um "
' Why am so nervous '
"I was ment to be on a date ..." it was then you final met Chris eyes that showed a flash if emotion as if he was almost hurt at the thought of you on a date . But it was probably because you interrupted his own . But you still felt a need to explain as if to avoid hurting his feelings.
"He ..he stood me up.. its not like I even wanted to go it was all Scots idea ." To quickly finished quite nervous as if you did something wronge .
Chris raised an eyebrow "Scotts ha ?" You nodded
"I tried calling him but he didnt pick up "
"So you called me ?" You nodded " so why was you crying if you didnt even want to be on the date ?"
"I was not!" You never like showing your emotions it made you feel weak and you are anything but weak .
"I heard you on the pho..." he chucked trying to lighten the mood
"I was just stress I didn't know how I was gonna get home "
"Well iam here now "
"So can you take me home ?" You questioned
"No !" You were shocked by his sudden answer.
"What ?"
"I'm not taking you home, not yet anyway " he said with his sights smirk .
"So where ?"
"Surprise!" He said starting the engine
"But ... but dont you have to get back to your girlfriend?"
"Pfff girlfriend?" He looked confused.
"Yeah Scott said you had a girlfriend "
"You shouldn't listen to Scott "
"I know that " you giggled now looking out the widow watching the world pass away. Unaware of certain blue eyes keep glancing at you with a smile only for you .
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
" you didn't have to do this you know " said while manching on your fries in a dinner Chris brought you to .
" I did !" He agreed with a mouth full of his burger ." I couldn't make you go home with a frown " he said with his mouth. You blush at his words but disgusted by his manners .
Throughing a scrunched up napkin you giggled playfully " dont speak you your mouth full "
He raised an eyebrow and smirked a little sorry .
"Why do you care anyway , why do this just to make me smile " you giggled certainly in a better mood , his blue eyes stared into your in awe and a quite mutter you just about heard " if only you knew " but you swear you heard him wrong some you moved on to your next question . As those also familiar butterflys return to your stomach when ever your around Chris .
" So is that your job to make me smile " you ask while putting another frie or two in your mouth .
"Among other thing "
"Like ..?" Your curiosity getting the better of you .
" Give me the punks name ? " he glared at you but still in a soft manner as if to tell you his anger wasnt towards you
" what ?"
" the idiot who stood you up I want his name " he demanded as if a man on a misson .
"Why? "
"Because he made a mistake standing you up "
"And whys that ?"
Because he stood up the best girl in Boston, I know I wouldnt if I was him" the last part came out a bit shaky and quite .
"It doesn't matter anyway " you felt the butterflies raise to your chest as your heart began to faster .
"Because it does "
You couldn't argue anymore , abit scared by his tone you gave him the boys name . But you were still under the spell of his blue eyes . And it was at that moment everything your mother said as a child when you ask about love , princess and prince, clicked in your head . She expain how the flurry feeling never goes away as their around, how theirs a smile on your face always. And how their a feeling. A feeling only there can make you feel . It was at this moment you realised
Holy shit I'm in love with Chris
As you stared at those blue eyes surrounding a 17 year old Chris you knew you always had a little crush on him . You were pretty sure half of the girls in school did . But it never accrued to you just how far those feelings ran .
"Why do you care ?" You titled your head .
"Because your Scotte best friend " he smirked with yet another mout h full of his burger. You giggled at his terrible manners .knowing full well he was doing it because he knew it annoyed you .
And it was in this moment you knew
'He will never be your y/n and keep it that way to keep both Scott and Chris in your life '
You put on a small smile , as the first crack appeared on you new found love for Chris that will forever be on you heart . If only you knew it would be the first of many. Leading to the one big hole you feel currently. But that's the pain of being in love
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clintbartonswife · 5 years ago
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give me back my heart you wingless thing
Pairings: Geralt of Rivia x Jaskier, Essi Davern, Cirilla Summary: Jaskier’s not a defenceless maiden by any means, and when he’s surrounded by friends, the bard could do just about anything. Notes: hurt!jaskier, Essi is like a sister to Jaskier and you cant convince me otherwise, chosen family, post episode 6, whole fic based on an idea I got whilst listening to The Horror and the Wild by The Amazing Devil.  (Oczko is Essi’s nickname in the book) masterlists
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He flees back to Oxenfurt. 
Of course he does, for where else would he go?
With the vicious words biting at his back, he makes the journey in a few weeks, playing in every tavern along the way with a new determinedness in his eyes and strength in his voice. 
He locks up the pain and tears until he knows he is safe, arriving on Essi’s doorstep with lute in hand and a face that spelt out heartbreak.
“Oh Jask” she sighed, opening her arms wide, letting the taller man fall into them, the instant love and affection proving too much for him.
“Missed you” he mumbled, voice thick with tears when he eventually pulled himself together enough to move from the doorway and into her apartment.
“Well you’ve known I’ve been here for a while, could’ve come to see me whenever you wanted” she replied sassily, the familiar banter relaxing Jaskier.
“I should have”
At the morose tone of his voice, Essi raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms.
“I know that tone - wine or rum?”
Jaskier let out a shaky laugh, collapsing onto one of her chairs with a small smile, “how about both?”
“Oh so it’s one of those”
He simply huffed, the burning pain in his chest easing slightly as they slipped back into their old ways, a warmth slowly replacing it.
Essi, a few years younger than Jaskier yet in the same years as him at Oxenfurt, had quickly grown on him throughout their tutelage. The two became fast friends, and Jaskier could say with a confidence that she was the only person in the school whom he didn't try to fuck.
They had bonded over shitty family relations and their love for music, and within the first few months Jaskier was calling her the little sister he’d never had - a closeness and trust between them that he had never had with anybody before.
“Here,” Essi said, passing him the bottle of red wine, “I got the good shit out for you”
“You flatter me” Jaskier grinned, popping the cork off and taking a deep swig. He watched Essi do the same to the rum bottle, burrowing further into her chair as she levelled a surveying stare at him.
“Who was it this time?” she eventually asked.
He giggled wetly, eyes blurring with tears as he remembered the words that he was running from, “The Witcher”
“Jaskier”
“I know, I know. ‘Witchers don't feel’ and all that bullshit” he took another deep swig before continuing, “But I thought he was different - is different - he, he cared, just not for me”
Essi frowned as the tears began to fall down his cheeks, though knew better than to interrupt him when he was opening up.
“Twenty two years, Oczko. I gave him twenty two years of my life, knowing that he didn't love me for most of them, and I was okay - I could deal with it because I thought that I was at least his friend” a bitter laugh escaped him then, his smile turning sharp, “turns out I was even wrong about that. Not only did he not consider me his friend, but I’m apparently a shit-shoveller who’s so bad that if life could give him one blessing, it would be to be rid of me!”
Essi let out an indignant noise, and Jaskier gestured the hand holding the wine wildly in agreement, “Exactly! So I left. I gave him his wish and I left”
The blonde took a solidarity sip of her rum, hissing at the sting through her teeth.
“You deserve better Jask” she said sternly, leaning forwards, “If he didn't want you then bugger him! Stay with me. We can write music together, like we used to. I have a few more weeks of teaching until my contracts done for the season - we could travel again, like the old days”
The pain in Jaksier’s chest all but diminished, reduced to a bearable ache.
He was home, safe. He wasn't alone anymore.
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Jaskier’s smile widened even further as he danced around Essi, his fingers nimbly moving over the strings of his lute as she sang the ending of the ditty.
As they finished to roaring applause, the blacksmith in the corner called out, “Play us that new one!”
“The one of the wild!”
Essi smirked, nudging Jaskier’s hip as she retrieved a small drum, “Shall we?”
“We shall”
The two bowed again, before they both began to play, circling each other with matching enthusiasm. The bard’s smile grew as Essi began to sing, her hand tapping the beat on the drum.
‘You were raised by wolves and voices Every night I hear them howling deep beneath your bed They said it all comes down to you’
She passed the singing to Jaskier, who flourished in the limelight.
‘You’re the daughter of silent watching stones You watch the stars hurl all their fundaments In wonderment, at you and yours, forever asking more’
This song felt empowering to sing, as if he was announcing his frustration of the Witcher to everybody. His voice joined together in melody with Essi as their music built.
‘You are that space that’s in between every page, every chord and every screen You are the driftwood and the rift, you’re the words that I promise I don’t mean We’re drunk but drinking (sunk but sinking) They thought us blind (we were just blinking) All the stones and kings of old will hear us screaming at the cold‘
They halted their playing, voices carrying the song.
‘Remember me I ask, remember me I sing Give me back my heart you wingless thing‘
As they burst back into song, the tavern cheered, beginning to stomp along to the drum. The overwhelming noise drowned out the sound of the tavern door swinging open, admitting the two new travellers.
‘Think of all the horrors that I Promised you I’d bring I promise you, they’ll sing of every Time you passed your fingers through my hair and called me child Witness me, old man, I am the Wild‘
The two began to dance, weaving about the far end of the tavern, twirling through the people until they had found a table to stand on.
‘You are the son of every dressing up box And I am Time itself, I slow to let you play I steal the hours and turn the night into day‘
Jaskier leant down, winking at one of the women sat at the table they were dancing on as Essi sang her part, only coming back up when Essi kicked the back of his leg playfully.
‘Day by day oh lord three things I pray That I might understand as best I can How bold I was, could be - will be - still am, by god still am‘
Jaskier allowed his eyes to scan the tavern, taking joy in seeing all the faces singing along. He barely stayed in time as his eyes faltered on an imposing figure sat in the corner, a smaller figure walking over to him, yellow eyes locking with blue.
‘Fret not dear heart, let not them hear The mutterings of all your fears, the fluttering of all your wings Welcome to the storm, I am thunder Welcome to my table, bring your hunger‘
Communicating with Essi through eye contact alone was something they had learned early on in their friendship, and soon her eyes had found the Witcher. 
‘Think of all the horrors that I Promised you I’d bring I promise you, they’ll sing of every Time you passed your fingers through my hair and called me child Witness me old man, I am The Wild‘
She gave Jaskier a small nod, moving to position herself in his line of sight, blocking the Witcher’s view.
‘Remember me, Remember me, Remember me, Remember me Remember me I ask. Remember me I sing‘
He took the next verse as time to desperately figure out what to do, until he realised that he had to do nothing. He was here first. The Witcher should leave if it bothered him. With this new confidence, he nodded at Essi once more and sang with even more passion than before.
‘Think of all the horrors that I Promised you I’d bring I promise you, they’ll sing of every Time you passed your fingers through my hair and called me child‘
He jumped from the table, Essi close behind, moving through the crowd once again, this time doing a full circuit of the room. Jaskier winked at a few patrons as he passed, making sure that the Witcher could see it - could see that he was unbothered.
‘Witness me old man, I am the Think of all the horrors that I Promised you I’d bring I promise you, they’ll sing of every Time you passed your fingers through my hair and called me child Witness me, old man, old man, old man, I am the‘
Finishing with his back against Essi’s, he broke out into a wide grin once again as the tavern applauded once more. She laughed, giving Jaskier a quick hug before collecting their coin with a bow.
“That’s all for tonight folks, thank you ever so much for being such a wonderful audience” she called, tucking their pay into the pouch on her belt, before grabbing Jaskier’s hand and guiding him over to the bar.
“Great performance again” the barmaid smiled, passing them their ales and dinner, “haven't seen the tavern this full since last yuletide”
Jaskier laughed heartily, taking a sip of his ale, “You’re too kind”
Essi smiled at her, before turning to face Jaskier, voice low.
“So that's him?”
“Yep. I don't know who’s with him though. Cant be Yennefer - she’s taller than that”
Essi scoffed, taking an angry swig of her drink, “I could go over there right now and slap him”
“Yeah, and hurt your hand? We need that”
Essi just narrowed her eyes at him playfully, slapping his chest lightly.
“What’s the plan then?”
“We were here first” Jaskier shrugged, “If he doesn't like it then he can leave”
She grinned at him then, lifting her cup up in a cheers, to which Jaskier copied.
“That’s right. Now, lets eat and then we can go to sleep”
Their meal was interrupted as a shadow was cast over them, a person looming behind them.
“Witcher” Jaskier greeted coldly, not looking up from his meal.
The man ‘hmm’ed in response, making the bard roll his eyes. Giving a quick look to Essi, he turned around, coming face to face with Geralt for the first time in almost a year.
“We were here first. We are not leaving. You can go if you want”
He then turned back to his meal, ignoring him until he went away, not realising how tense his shoulders had become until they dropped.
Essi placed a comforting hand on the back of Jaskier’s neck, rubbing at it until all the tension had gone.
“You’re ok” she whispered, “We’re ok”
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Geralt wouldn't admit it, but he was lonely.
He had regretted sending Jaskier away with his harsh words, though what he regretted even more was how long it took his to realise it.
By the time he identified the hollow ache in his chest as loneliness, it was far too late to find the bard - months too late, his tracks long lost on the mountain path - not to mention the war that had begun to rage North, too close to Cintra for Geralt’s comfort. Ciri had to come first.
So, he pushed his feelings aside, determined to find his child surprise for the first time in his life, a steady urge to protect her pulling at his whole person until he found her, running through the woods and in to each other’s arms.
The lonely ache faded slightly, though even Ciri’s presence couldn't stop the sharp pain that ran through Geralt’s chest like a dagger whenever he heard a lute, or the suspicious sting of restrained tears when they passed a field of Dandelions.
It was only within the last few days that the lonely feeling began to grow again, confusion brewing in the White Wolf.
Confused wasn't the right word for it exactly - it was more like Geralt’s whole body felt like it was off-axis, screaming for a missing piece.
Ciri had noticed his odd behaviour earlier that day, “Are you alright Geralt?”
The Witcher had assured her that he was fine, but the familiar feeling of the thread of destiny was pulling at him again, guiding him towards a small town just North of Ard Carraigh.
The second they neared the tavern, he knew that fate was playing a cruel trick. Jaskier’s voice rang out, loud and true, melding beautifully with a female’s. The implication was enough to make him want to run away, but he could tell Ciri was too tired to travel any further for the night.
“Are we going in?” Ciri asked, taking Geralt’s hand in hers as they walked away from the stables, “I’m quite hungry”
Geralt nodded, steeling himself before opening the door, veering off to the corner table almost immediately, eyes resolutely glued to the floor.
He could feel Ciri’s concerned gaze on the side of his face, so he placed the coins in her hand and gestured for her to go and order the food. Ecstatic with the trust he had just given her, she went over to the bar.
Geralt made the mistake of looking up, only for a moment, the breath being punched out of his lungs as golden eyes met cornflower blue.
Within an instant, the longing that Geralt had pushed aside the past year came rushing back, tumbling over Geralt like water poured from a bucket. He wanted, Melitele he wanted his bard back.
“Geralt?”
He grunted in response, eyes not moving from the bard, even as the woman moved to stand in front of him, blocking his view. 
He absentmindedly registered a meal being placed in front of him, Ciri sitting down on the bench beside him, following his eyesight.
“Theyre good” she commented, “I’ve missed music -”
Her voice trailed off, eyes widening as she caught sight of the bard’s face as he weaved in and out of the crowd, “That’s Jaskier! He played at my birthday feast every year! Geralt we’ve got to say hello!”
The jealousy that had been brewing beneath his skin as he watched the bard flirt with the patrons dissipated as sudden panic gripped his heart, turning to face Ciri immediately.
“We cant risk it” He almost growled, “We don't know if we can trust him”
The Witcher almost flinched as the words came out of his mouth, not believing his own words for a second. Ciri accepted them with a huff, tucking in to her food.
“He wouldn't turn me in” she eventually said, voice stern, “I know he wouldn't”
Geralt sighed, taking a large bite of his food, giving him some time to mull over his words, “We cant be sure”
“Then check”
He barely restrained a laugh, the little lion cub sounding more like her grandmother by the day.
“When I’ve finished my dinner, you go to the room. I will talk to him”
Ciri smiled, spirits back as she returned to her plate with renewed gusto. 
When he approached the bard later, he barely restrained a whimper at the cold greeting, embedded with the barely-there scent of fear.
“Witcher”
Brain scrambling for words he could use to fix the situation, internally reeling from the new knowledge that Jaskier was afraid of him, a hum escaped his lips instead. At that he whipped around, levelling him with a blank stare, eyes void of the affection he was so used to seeing.
“We were here first. We are not leaving. You can go if you want” he stated coldly, turning back to his food, the blonde next to him giving him a glare before returning her attention to his - Jaskier.
Geralt didn't know how long he stood there, frozen with disbelief and grief, but he knew he must have left at some point, as here he was stood in front of Ciri.
“I’ll try again tomorrow”
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The next morning Jaskier awoke, Essie’s head resting on his arm.
The two of them had been sharing beds to save money on their travels, glad to be together again. Of course there were some nights where Essi went home with a local - who had been threatened by Jaskier beforehand - meaning Jaskier had the room to himself.
Still, the bard never tried to enchant any admirers. He would tell Essi it was because he was finally happy in himself, not needing any praise as he once did. While this was technically true, Jaskier still couldn't fathom the idea of being with anyone, for fear of breaking his heart again, this time to the point of no repair.
The bard slipped out of the bed, Essi grumbling as she repositioned herself, splaying out on the mattress like a starfish. Jaskier let out an affectionate snort, shaking his head as he put on his boots.
“Morning Mary” Jaskier grinned, sliding onto the barstool, “Could I get two breakfasts please - oh, and some fresh water if that's alright”
“Of course darlin’“
He gave her another smile, watching her retreat to the kitchen.
“Jaskier?”
The bard jumped slightly, turning around to face the Witcher, “What do you want?”
“I-”
He was cut off by Ciri, rushing past Geralt with a smile, “Jaskier!”
“Princess!” he gasped, sliding from the bar stool and kneeling, opening his arms for her to rush into, hugging her tightly, “I was so worried when I heard the news about Cintra”
“It was scary for a little while, but I found Geralt” 
Jaskier smiled at that, “Smart. He’ll keep you safe”
Ciri nodded, turning around to fix Geralt with a pointed stare.
“Here’s your breakfasts Bard” Mary called, placing the tray on the bar.
Jaskier stood back up, grateful for the excuse to leave, “Thanks, love”
He missed the way Geralt frowned when he noticed the two dishes, simply sending the pair a small smile before he returned to his room, tray in hand.
“Essi, open up!” 
The blonde opened the door with a disgruntled sigh, expression brightening at the sight of food.
“You’re a gem” she beamed, ushering him towards the bed.
Letting out a laugh, he placed the tray in the middle of the bed, sitting cross-legged beside it.
“What prompted this?” she asked, taking a bite of egg with a raised brow, “Normally I can never get you out of bed this early after a performance”
Jaskier scoffed teasingly, “Like you’re any better”
“I am so!” Essi screeched, diving at Jaskier (careful of the food) and landing on him heavily, punching an ‘oof’ out of the man, before beginning to tickle him mercilessly.
“Ah! By the gods have mercy!” he wheezed, body squirming under her ministrations, “Essi I swear to Melitele!”
Essi just cackled evilly.
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“Why didn't you say anything!” Ciri demanded, crossing her arms.
Geralt just angrily huffed, moving to walk back to their room, stopping in his place as a small hand wrapped around his wrist.
“Why did he look sad?”
“Ciri..” Geralt warned, fists clenching as he tried to force down the emotions that were beginning to bubble below his skin, his mind still stuck on the two breakfasts.
“Why was he sad Geralt?”
“We need to leave” he said instead, moving towards the stairs again. 
His footsteps faltered outside Jaskier’s room, happy squeals and laughter drifting through the door and into the hallway. The knife of jealousy stabbed through his heart again, and he found himself frozen to the floor.
“Oh - you love him”
He looked to his left, Ciri stood there with a pitying look on her face.
“I don't love him” Geralt grunted, walking back to their room with far more speed than normal.
“Yes you do. It’s okay that you do...” she trailed off, levelling him with eyes that felt like they were reading his soul, wise beyond her years, “If you love him then why is he sad? Is it because you left him?”
“Ciri. Stop”
“But I don't see why -”
“Ciri”
His hands were shaking as he tried to buckle up his potion bag, her incessant poking finally pushing him over the edge.
All the withheld pain and longing crashed into him, the jealousy making his skin burn. Scrunching his eyes shut, he stood still, breathing deeply as he let the emotions wash over him. 
Ciri’s presence at his back made him tense slightly, breaking through his concentration, “I’m sorry - grandma always used to say that I didn't know when to stop”
Geralt took a few more stabilising breaths before turning to face her, “Don't apologise for being right” he said, avoiding her eyes.
Ciri frowned at that, confusion clear in her face, “But - why weren't you with him if you love him?”
Taking a shaky breath - something which had Geralt feeling more vulnerable than he had in years - he sat on the side of the bed, clasping his hands on his lap.
“I said some things to him, terrible things, and he left. It was nothing he deserved...” Geralt sighed again, wiping his hands over his face, “I was angry - at Yen, at the world - and I let that all out on him”
They were silent for a few moments, “Did he love you?”
“I don't know” he laughed, bitterness rising back up his neck, “I don't know”
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It wasn't until later that afternoon that Jaskier saw the Witcher again.
He was in the stables, talking lowly to Roach as he stroked her mane lovingly, Ciri sat just outside picking wildflowers from the grass.
The familiar yearning took a strong grip of his sternum, squeezing harder the longer he allowed himself to look.
“Jaskier!” Ciri called, spotting him, “Jaskier come over here!”
The bard cursed silently, slapping on a smile as the Withcer’s head whipped up at his intrusion.
“Hello princess”
She shook her head, leaning closer to him, “When we’re around people we don't trust my name is Fiona” she whispered.
“Ah, my deepest apologies, my dearest Fiona” he smiled, giving her a deep bow, “Why did you call me over here?”
At his question, she brightened, offering him a dandelion that she had picked. As he tucked it behind his ear, she gestured for him to lean down again so that she could whisper in his ear, “Geralt really wants to talk to you but he wont ask you himself - I think he’s scared”
Jaskier almost scoffed at that, pulling away, when she gripped the sleeve of his jacket to keep him in place, “He was really upset this morning. Please just speak to him. Once”
The bard levelled her with a glare, knowing he was weak to her demands, and sighed, “Very well”
He took a steadying breath before entering the stables, deciding to lean against the door and just watch Geralt until he was ready to talk. He knew that the Witcher could sense him there, so felt no guilt watching him.
Jaskier’s eyes followed the Witcher as he finished brushing Roach’s mane, no longer talking to her, until eventually, back still turned, he spoke.
“Jaskier”
“Geralt”
The older man huffed a laugh at that, “Oh, so I’m not ‘Witcher’ anymore?”
Crossing his arms, Jaskier remained stood where he was, “I didn't know if I was allowed to use your name anymore - Melitele knows you didn't want me in your sight last time we spoke”
At that Geralt turned around, hurt swimming behind his golden irises.
“I’m sorry”
The bard blanched at that, “Excuse me?”
“I said I’m sorry” he repeated, his fists clenching at his sides as he forced himself to speak, “I know I hurt you - something I swore to myself I wouldn't do - and I sent you away, but Jaskier I missed you so much”
Jaskier tried to bring up the anger that used to swirl around his soul at the very thought of that conversation, but all he could feel now was the overwhelming longing - so much so that he could hardly breathe.
Geralt continued, “It took me a while to understand that - that I felt lonely. I- I missed your laugh, your voice, your stupid lute strumming …”
In that moment Jaskier knew. He knew what Geralt was trying to say and the feeling screamed at him until he moved towards the Witcher, close enough to look into his eyes and drown in the golden pools.
“Say it” he whispered.
“But the girl?” he sounded confused, hurt coming through his persona again and Jaskier wanted to laugh at the sheer confoundity of it all.
“That’s Essi and she’s like my little sister” Jaskier smiled, shaking hands moving to cup Gerlat’s jaw, “Say it”
“I -I love you”
Moving faster than he ever had in his life, Jaskier closed the distance between their lips, swallowing Geralt’s noise of surprise eagerly, melting against his hulking form as strong hands settled on his waist, pulling him impossibly closer.
When he pulled away, chest heaving and lips swollen, he rested his forehead against that of the wolf’s gently.
“I love you too, my dearest Geralt”
154 notes · View notes
morgannwilsonnn · 3 years ago
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Chapters
I would be lying if i said i wasn't scared to start college in 12 day's. Even typing it makes me anxious, i don't think i have ever seen my own true potential in anything i have ever done. my doubt's and my fear's of what if have always held me back in some way and what is embarrassing is the fact that i have allowed it to become so normal that it has taken so much from me, it has degraded me made me feel like i wasn't worthy or smart enough or even capable.
See i didn't even finish highschool i got my GED after having my daughter at 16, i was the athlete everyone thought would make it but it was a shocker to them after that no one believed in me and i had a fire under my ass to prove them wrong even with a GED but then i dropped out of college and life happened i needed a job and a roof and from there i just got comfortable in what i did but even then it didn't feel like i was where i was meant to be. sitting behind a desk forever living life just enough to get by but never enough to do the things i wanted with my daughter. I looked for new job's with no luck and it made me feel even worse not good enough i felt stuck but i kept trying and even praying that this life wasn't what was meant for the rest of my life i somehow had to get out of the cycle and beat the statics of a single mom working 9-5 living on state for the rest of her life... then i got fired and lost my car almost lost my home i started busing tables even tho it wasn't nearly enough to pay all my bills i took turn running late on one or the other just to make it. Then i found i new job making 19 a hour but my first two days over whelmed me i didn't understand shit and how could i set myself up for failure i didn't believe in myself so i quit and went back to busing tables got pregnant had health issues and became a stay at home mom for going on two years now.
my life summed up over the last four years of my life.
being a stay at home mom has taught me alot about myself tho mainly that it is not easy and you fall into dark cracks sometimes so dark you're scared that you'll never resurface the cries become tuned out you forget that outside is even a place you cant help but cry as you wash dishes with no thoughts other then just feeling sad. you wonder if your kids would be better off without you because you feel guilty for being so comfortable with the feeling of frustration. but then you resurface and come back and say you wont go back but its like someone with a drug or alcoholic addiction you are bound to relapse back and it only gets worse but you hide it better each time you cry in the shower or when the kids are napping you sit up restless because your mind races. you start to feel like you have nothing to offer you completely forget your worth and what you can do your potential.
BUT everytime i tried to find a solution maybe i needed to set a goal to go out once a month or sit alone for a hour every day go to the gym go on a walk go shopping go to counseling and some how i still kept falling in between the cracks deeper and deeper.. i lost hope i wallowed that this was my life that i would never have my own life again but i had to love it because i loved my kids..
till one day i woke up and realized this person i have became over the last two years isnt who i have ever been. i am a strong working strong willed self determened women and the only thing that stopped me was me.
i remember sitting there thinking how bad i wish i could buy my own car again after watching tyler buy his the joy in his face made me happy but the sadness i felt because i didn't take a part made me want that happiness 100% to share TOGETHER. i started looking at my credit from when i lost my job it went to shit i use to have a 880 credit. and i thought what the fuck morgan... i told myself i would pay off one of the things as a starter to fixing my credit but once i made the first payment i cant explain how good it felt to know i wouldn't look back wishing i would have paid it then and it put a fire under my ass that i paid off three more things. that alone made me realize how it felt to have my own control over my financial freedom. i started thinking big after that and looking back into school for PTA 2 year schooling i could have finished that by now and been a PTA by the age of 20 instead of dwelling in my could have i realized instead how fast two years goes by so i started investing my free time on how to start college im not gonna lie i almost quit at the starting line but i didn't i started blowing up the schools phone asking questions more then once writing all over my notebook reorganizing it all on a new sheet and finally i would be starting school oct 18th..
but why would i wanna stop there when i could only dream of all these things in life a tahoe for my kids to have a nice car with back ac a nice house so they dont have to share a room anymore paying for sports clothes trips just because wanting to finish paying off the rest of my credit so i can do these things! i asked myself how bad did i really want it and i always knew i wanted it bad but just because you want something bad doesnt mean you get it so i asked myself how bad are you willing to invest in yourself... and that one caught me so i sat back for a few days exploring jobs and nothing fit my schedule so i gave up because not only that child care is 900 a week for one kid.. but then i got a text for a night time job working 6 hours from 6:30 to midnight .. i debated with myself about it because my man works till 5 some days i would never see him and only have sunday monday off but then i told myself invest and sacrifice now so i dont have to when my kids are older so i took it and granted i will be going to school part time 7am to 10am dropping my daughter off at school at 10;45 to pick her up at 2:30 and have time inbetween the time gaps to do her homework and mine as well as study before work at 6 i will be a tired beezy but i know it will be worth it three years from now. if i grind at night pay off my last two things on my credit start saving and graduate college all while showing my kids and man i can do it and i will do it not just for myself but for them because nothing in this life is impossible when you wake up and realize you build your own potential no one else and i for once in my life want to prove to myself how strong i am .
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an-animagoose · 4 years ago
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Abel info dump 2 me about ur ocs challenge
alright its 12am and i dont expect this to make sense, read at your own risk but heres a bullshit couple paragraphs on ashley underwood, 
this is mostly ash because i think about her the most and this will make no sense because i haven't talked about her in literal months. ash is very complicated to me because i messed a lot with her characterization for a while and i still do, and i constantly wonder if I'm just shoving her into something convenient and stereotypical and therefore lessening her value, and then i decided that shes not real and i can make characters that don't make sense to anyone else but myself and i no longer also have to watch someone else take away pieces from her while i sit silently confused and hurt like i did before. anyway, she's very special to me because i put myself in her in a lot of small ways because she was the first oc i properly created. i made her originally for a fantasy storyline i was doing with some friends, and i thought she was very cool because she could do magic (doctor strange-esque, im not original) and then i gave her some trauma because its the next logical step. now i mostly think of her in all the modern aus that were created, and a lot of its with her old love interest (they had a very cool dynamic, sometimes childhood best friends to lovers, both with no idea how to be functional members of society, but i dont know if I'm like legally allowed to discuss them anymore so if i mention it once or twice my bad i just like knowing how my ocs act in relationships).  i don't really know how I'm supposed to write things so I'm just going to put some general information and then ramble for a billion words cool sorry
general things!! shes a disaster bisexual whos 5′8″ and surviving on coffee and spite, she has freckles and tan skin (half Spanish on her mom's side- speaking of her parents died when she was 10 either in a car accident or a murder I didn't make my mind up) very curly brown hair and worrying bags under her eyes. she can look intimidating at first because she has one of those resting bitch faces and a dislike of being alive (there's a little bit of mental illness as a treat) also I'm really tired writing this I'm so sorry
she's an English major- she loves books, spent most her teenage years with her nose in one because it was easier than talking to people and also they're Fucking Good, she has shelves filled with them and two copies of her favourites so she can fill one with notes and annotations and she cries is she ever accidentally ruins one, she never sleeps when she should, staying up till the early morning and then napping at every chance she gets (she has fallen asleep on all of her friends so often, and never makes it through the second hour of the movie unless it's important), she starfishes when she sleeps and is a nightmare to wake up because she will tell you rather impolitely to “leave her the fuck alone” (getting out of bed means dealing with the world and it's so tiring to do it over and over), she’s constantly cold, wrapped up in sweaters and if she's comfortable enough, clings to the closets human heater. speaking of, it takes her a while to warm up to people, used to absolutely shut herself off from getting close to people in fear of them leaving before going to ~therapy~.  she gets top grades in school because she works until shes burnt out and puts an overwhelming amount of pressure on herself, breaks down when she cant understand something in the first few tries because it feels like a failure, she does debate and writes poems and lyrics in beat up notebooks, hides them when people come over and owns like 3 guitars, sings unreasonably well and has scarily specific playlists, has round glasses she only wears when she has to because she cant see shit far away, catches colds often, brushes them off till shes forced into a bed, she studies the stars because theyre beautiful and unattainable and reads psychology books and likes true crime but only when theres a satisfying ending, she shows love through acts of service and physical touch, likes receiving quality time and words of affirmation, she takes polaroids of all her friends and sticks a bunch to her wall so she can stare at them and know that things are worth it now, has posters and art to remind herself of the little joys in life, will fight you about the star wars movies, overly competitive in a lot of things (mario-kart is a dangerous fucking game), curses a lot, stress bakes and cries when something goes slightly wrong, accidentally collects a following on tiktok from shitposting at 4am and having a nice aesthetic (and being pretty), would be the mysterious girl who you see/works at the bookstore/coffee-shop and fall a little bit in love with, writes essays last minute due to chronic procrastination and still aces it, is a ravenclaw, would be a child of hades in the pjo universe, would play outside hitter in volleyball (yes there was a haikyuu au), would be bassist in a band. i think this is all i can think of tonight because my eyes hurt but feel free to ask questions/ say anything honestly i really missed talking about my ocs and i have: many more that i will also talk about if anyone wants me to, (please. my inbox is so open please tell me abt ur ocs too i think its so fun)
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bucksbisexual · 5 years ago
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okay since im rewatching 2gether, might as well make my reaction public lol
tine trying to be a supportive boyfriend by asking wat if something is troublig and wat’s himbo self being like “nah fam im good” god i love this dumbass
also tine not knowing how to talk about his feelings is so relatable help
honestly i would’ve LOVED to see sarawat at least one (1) question
tine’s smile while wat drinks..... Sir I Am In Love With You
also his blush..... Sir I Am More In Love With You Than I Was Before
“is the lyric about smile or happiness?” “don’t cheat” wat saw through his bullshit right there KSJFHKS
i wonder what’s in those glasses because it doesn’t quite look like coke but it obviously isn’t beer,,,,
ohhhhh “a friend from high school” ... explains tine’s reaction we see in the teaser when he introduces pam as his highschool friend
also explains why tine thought sarawat made that video for her instead of him. wat is in his high school clothes and tine probably thought it was before he saw him (when in fact it was probably recorded the same day lmao sarawat hopeless romantic)
tine: one more game! [spins the coin and supposedly falls on heads] wat!
sarawat: no one can talk to me if i fall asleep
i’m trying not to look at bright’s jiggly butt why is ass so fat fOR
it doesnt add the points here if i dont write something else so intro time yeet
yknow what . we need more earn and more pear in these two last episodes . i need my wlw rep and i need it Now
“personal space is important even for couples” still cant believe man was the owner of their braincell in this scene
tine giving all of type’s info away to wat so wat can give it to man who tine knows will use to pester him until he becomes his boyfriend...... say it with me: tine mantype shipper
“how did you know?” “i prayed to god” literally the funniest part ever
manboss: im not going good luck wat: you’re so full of bullshit
GREEN <3
i will just say that pink is tine’s best colour. i need him in every soft pink thing u can find. it accentuates his skin colour so perfectly and we are Here for it honeyyyy
MIL SHUT THE FUCKUP
sarawat being a savage (rachet booty nasty) we stan
bro get over him oh my god he’s taken and happy with wat LEAVEEEEEE
and man pestering type begins Now ksjfh
i’m like 100000000% sure that the only thing in that whole backpack is a pencil and half of an eraser
im also sure type saw him buy the book since u literally can see him from where man and that girl are and
hold up the waiter looks like a guy from whyru,,,,,,,,,,
i need someone to write a fic about tine being an astronomy lover and wat falling in love with him because of the joy in his eyes when he talks about the stars and interesting facts about the universe and new discoveries of galaxies and other things that wat doesnt really care about but he listens to either way because he’s too in love to shut off his brain
okay back to the episode sorry i just really had to say this
wat really said “don’t take advantage of me when i’m sleeping” when they haven’t even kissed.......... no words, completely speechless
tine probably thought he was being real sneaky right there lmao boy he fell asleep 2 seconds ago
god green really appears for 2 seconds and yet he steals the show KSFJHKFJFS he really was about to beat the person in front of him’s ass for not walking faster im crying i love him
BITCH SHUT UP AND LEAVE THEM ALONE STOP TRYING TO BE A HOMEWRECKER
wat looks so offended by his offer it’s so funny jhfksjhgj still MIL GET THE FUCK OUT
them running around is so funny when u know they had to do that like 20 times and were tired as fuck KSJFHKSHFS
WAT YOU SMOOTH FUCKER i love u
omg the bracelet truly isnt there at the start of the scene :-(
“nuisance tree” lemme just cry a bit
the music stopping here......... they truly played with our feelings there huh
WAT YOU SMOOTH FUCKER 2
the reactions are so kdrama outro i cant breathe KJHFJSFKJS
GET THE FUCK OUTTTTTTTTTTT
“well, you left him” IM GOING TO STEP ON YOU
bracelet where r u :-(
“it was here a second ago” it wasn’t im an obsessed bitch and noticed just as the scene there started
he looks so worried:-( tine baby
“i can make you a new one” “but i want the old one” why do i feel like that has more than one meaning,,,
half of the times wat touches tine’s head his hands are dirty as fuck lmaoooooo
is- is someone wearing a marihuana dress??????
manbosss again and he has a book
type is the teepakorn brother that can lie and will lie meanwhile tine can’t lie for a living
I LOVE THIS GUY GIVE ME HIS SELF CONFIDENCE
dim really made up a whole spirit just for wat to be with tine lmao i cant breathe (unless the pine tree spirit is an actual thing and he just used it for this specific thing lmao)
“that senior is me” “and who did you go with?” “that was a long time ago” “it wasn’t me, it wasn’t me” “green, drop it!” i love them KSFJHFSJHF
green and wats faces i cant bREATHE these are the faces of people who know this is all fake
BRO WAT WASNT EVEN THAT SLICK WITH THE PAPER IN HIS HAND SJKHSFHHKFS
my guess is that he had two papers that were the same number just incase they didnt get the same number but then somehow mf MIL had to come in and ruin it
i dont know who chose to make bright wear this much brown but it honestly fits him so well
coffee for his soon to be boyfie
man: loving u is kind of bothering? type: o_o man
he’s still reading the book kjshfsf WAIT HES SO CUTE
“you gotta miss me if i don’t show up one day” “just back off. i’m leaving. do not follow me. give me some time to miss you” okay tsundere ass bitch
type’s so rich he’d rather spend money on getting his tire fixed than get it fixed by man for free i hate rich people
he’s also too rich to care to check if his doors were locked i-
“for me?” “do you see anyone else?” bitch ass tsundere
type: smiles, realises he just did that, eyes cutely go o_o
type looks so cute in that scene for no reason im going to eat ur cheeks if u dont stop being a cutie
aaaaaand of course theyre not paired up
dude of course he is youre creepy and also trying to break his relationship apart only because u dont have the decency to see that you dont have a place in his heart whatsoever
dim honey........ jskhsjf
tine’s hair....... PLEASE I NEED TO TOUCH IT IT LOOKS SO FLUFFY
“the spirit doesnt like it when you pray with your eyes opened” did literally no one notice how nonsense that was? KSFJHSJ
GREEN U SCARED THE BABY WHY WOULD U DRESS LIKE THAT
he looks so cute im gonna cry like actually cry
weak ass blankets they gave them i swear
if u cuddled then u wouldnt have been cold but noooooo ur big puppy boyfriend has trust issues
baby:-((((((((((( i will cover u with a blanket and give u lots of kithes and hugs
tine having his phone die at an important moment and also having no sense of direction whatsoever is so relatable lmaooooo
thank god for the rain because otherwise sarawat wouldnt have ran the way tine actually went lmao i wouldve beaten dims ass if mil was the one who found him
this scene hurts so much:-(( his throwing the grass like that in complete defeat??????? the flashback to him saying that bad things seem to happen to them lately makes my heart break
the soft touches:-((((( please im gonna Cry
dnotsaysorrydontsaysorrydonsaysorrydontsayHE SAID SORRY FFS
baby :’((((((
“i prayed for something but i havent redeemed that prayer yet” “what did you ask for?” “it’s if i got to see you again, i would show you the video i made. it’s the song your smile you are so curious about” BITCHHHHHHHHH
HES GONNA SHOW ITTTTTT YES I LOVE HOPELESS ROMANTIC HIGHSCHOOLER SARAWAT
he’s all shy i cant breathe he cant even look at the screen skjfhksh
oh so it was on the same day sksjhj forgot about that
I CRY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH
tine is all blushy im gonna sob i love these two
im trying not to scream and tines reaction to wat telling him he went to every scrubb concert just to look for him
ITS NOT GONNA GET STUCK ON THE VIDEO BABY HE WILL LIKE U BACK IN A YEAR!!!!!!
“i like you” “yeah. i know. i like you too” AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IM LITERALLY REWATCHINNG BUT I STILL JUST SCREECHED AT THAT I LOVE THIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT
their smiles after he said it tho.......... my heart hURTS
wat: the wish only drew us to cross paths again. us being together is because of something else, tine: what then? wat: shout out to my homies for being there for me since day one i love u bros
THE FLASHBACK AAAAAAAA I FOUND HIM YES U DID BABYYYYYY
boss’s whistle after he tells them that he only said he would kiss him until he dropped lmaoooooo
“his name is tine. [with the softest voice ever] what a cute name”
manboss looking at each other like this bitch is so gone for this random dude but we’re gonna support him because we’re the only friends he has
wat was probably wishing the pool had water in it so he could throw both of them into it at that moment KJSFHJSFHF
“he’s the one i like” “shiiiiiit” same dim, same
fan dee nAAAAAA
his ass was so gone he was gonna make his ig username lovetine i literally cant believe him
boss having the braincell in this scene i love it
“but earn has a boyfriend” LIES. SO MANY LIES. ITS A GIRL. SHES A WHOLE LESBIAN.
boss once again being the owner of the braincell...... im starting to think he owns it half of the time
“you get it now? us being together is not a coincidence. it’s because of us” WAT YOU SMOOTH FUCKER 3
wait,,,,, tine’s little head tilt,,,,,,, SIR I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU
the stars!!!!!!!!! theyre there!!!!!!
“i think nothing bad is going to happen anymore” honey you got a big storm coming
it ended :’(((((( my beautiful boys i love this episode and drama so much i swear
lets watch the next episode teaser
i dont think tine is gonna lsiten to pam saying that but if he does,,, baby pls dont overthink okay he loves u and wont leave u for anyone in the world
phukong dont come back to him he knows that u like him and will play with ur feelings
type is gonna have to choose between im guessing either a boy interested in him from work or man and im gonna vote for him going with man lets hope i win
WHAT IS WRNOG WITH U BRO GET OUT HES HIS BOYFRIEND OF COURSE HES GOING TO CARE AND WORRY YOURE JSUT A CREEP FOLLOWING HIM AROUND HOPING THAT THEIR RELATIONSHIP ENDS SO U CAN SNEAK IN UGH
“is pam your first love?” WHY DID U END THE TEASER THERE AAAAAAA BITCH
im so glad that the episode comes out today because i Need to know more
okay thats it if anyone read all of this first of all sorry kjshkfj and second of all thank u ,, u didnt have to but u did and ily for that okay bye
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geo-winchester · 5 years ago
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PROMISES
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Summary: Poe get marry with the love of his life but things didn’t happen as they thought they would be.
A/N: hi! I just want to say that this is a little sad, sorry for that! I try to write it yesterday but I don’t know what happened to my hand that it hurt when I move my fingers, but luckily it’s better now😁
Warnings: a little of cursing and character death.
MASTERLIST
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As Poe was getting ready to go he couldn’t stop thinking in his wife, he meet her when he join in the resistance, at first he thought that she was only another pilot but when she told him that she want to introduce him to her mother it turn out that she was the daughter of General Leia, and even then, he knew he want to spend the rest of his life with her, maybe it was the way she smile or the way he look at him but he always feel like home when he was around her, but he didn’t expect any of what was happening. It all start as a headache, one day when he was coming back from a mission, he get out of the x-wing expecting to see Yn in the hangar waiting for him but when he didn’t saw her he start to get worried, after a quick talk with Leia he went to his room to check if Yn was there, he feel how his body relax when he saw her sleep in the bed curl in one of his jackets, he couldn’t help but smile and sit in the edge of the bed.
-Hey honey- he softly said making her wake up, at first she look at him confuse but when she recognized him she hug him.
-You’re back early- she said with a smile.
-Kind of, just a few minutes- he said with a weak smile.
-Oh, shit! What time is it?- she asked.
-A little after 4...
-What? I want...-but she couldn’t finish, Poe kiss her, deeply, something he was expecting for a long time.
-Wait... are you suppose to be waiting for me in the hangar?- she nod.
-That was an option- she said.
-What was the other option?
-Wait here- she said and she start to kiss his ear -with just this jacket on...
-Fuck me- he said.
-I’m suppose to be the one who said that- both of them laugh and he kiss her again, but she stop and groan.
-Are you ok?
-Yeah, just a little headache
But her headache just got worst and worst and when one day he found her on the floor of the bathroom he didn’t hesitate to take her to the Med bay, he stay by her side every day as the doctors made some test, and he was the moment they told them what was going on, it was that moment when the whole world of Poe stop for a moment, the headache was causing by a tumor on her brain, even if his heart was breaking he knew he had to be strong for his wife, when the doctor start to talk about the treatments he hold her hand and gave him a weak smile, after the doctor left the room she couldn’t fight it anymore and she start to cry.
-Hey it’s ok- he said as he hug her -everything is going to be fine, you hear the doctor, they can cut it out, and I’m going to be here with you all the time- he said as he kiss her hands.
-Even if I’m bald?- he smile.
-Even if your bald.
The day of the surgery Poe show up in the room with none a single hair in his head just like she was in that moment, she couldn’t help but laugh when she saw him, and he knew he do what ever it take to keep hearing that sound.
-What did you do?
-What? You don’t like my new look?- she nod as he sit on the bed.
-But you had to admit that I look better- she said.
-You always look gorgeous- she smile as he put an arm around her.
-I’m scare- she whisper.
-I’m not, your going to be just fine- he said, but he knew he was just as scare as she was -we’re going to beat this together and when this is over, we’re going to go to the beach.
-you promise?
-I promise- he said as he kiss her -And you know maybe we could try to have one those little humans- he said making her smile.
-You mean kids?
-So that’s how they call them?- she nod -Well we could try to have one, if you want, you know have our own family.
-I already have one, you are-she said -But we could try- he kiss her, after a few seconds some of the nurse get to the room to take her, he gave her a quick kiss on the forehead.
-I’ll be waiting here- she nod quickly.
But no matter how many god thoughts they had, she didn’t get any better, even if she try to hide it, Poe notice the tiredness in her, most of the times he stay by her side in their little room and sometimes she stay in the hangar as he fix his ship, most of the times BB-8 stay by her side, specially when he go on a mission, like that night, when he get to his room, Yn was sleeping in the bed with BB-8 by her side with the hat he gave her after his last mission, when the droid saw his master he roll to him and beep with joy.
-Hey buddy- he whisper and the droid beep again -slow down, you’re going to wake up her up.
-Too late- He hear the voice of his wife, he went to her and sit by his side -how does the mission went?
-Ah you know, it was pretty easy, for your badass husband.
-Do I have another husband?- she said laughing after a moment they both stay silence -You know what I miss? I miss my X- wing and fly over the galaxy...
-I though you would say that you miss me...
-Nah I was having fun with BB-8, at least he didn’t gave me this awful hat- he start to tickling her -Ok, ok I take it back, I love this hat.
-You know, you sometimes are a difficult woman and you are lucky I love you.
The next morning Poe make the arrangements for a free time with Yn, Leia didn’t hesitate to give it to him and everything he need. When he finally get back to his room, she was in her wheelchair as she keep looking at her in the mirror, he could see the sadness in her eyes as she saw every change of her body, after he knock the door she weep the few tears on her eyes.
-I had a surprise for you- he said with a wide smile.
-if is another hat, I had to tell you...
-No is not a hat... but your going to love it- he said as he push her to the millennial falcon.
-You bring me here to saw the millennial?
-No just that, remember that I promise you something?
-that your going to let your bear grow?
-the other thing, the one with a beach.
Even if they didn’t expect to be here with her condition, they did everything to enjoy the day together, they talk about everything they could, even the gossips they wish they were true or what they think about the news in the resistance, when the sun start to come dawn, Poe pick a few branches and make a firewood. She hadn’t realize that he had a guitar close.
-where did you get that?
-what do you mean, I play it all the time.
-No since we get married.
-That’s because I had something else to play with- he said with a smirk, he play a few notes and he look at her -do you remember this song?- she nod as she smile -the most wonderful girl accept to dance with me and I couldn’t help to feel like the luckiest man in the world, the prettiest woman in the galaxy was in my arms, and the I meet you- she punch him in the arm -I’m kidding, Your the best thing that ever happen to me- he said and he start to sing in every part of the song, he didn’t take his eyes away from hers, when he finish the song, she get close and cup his cheek and kiss him gently, he sit behind her after he put the guitar away, he hug her from behind and kiss her temple, they stay quiet as they see the sunset.
-Poe- she call him as she look at him -can I ask you a favor?
-Sure.
-I know you once made a promise to me- she said.
-If you want another hat, I hide it on the Millennial...
-No, Poe, I’m not talking about that promise- she said serious -I’m talking on the day we got married... you told me that I’m going...
-That you’re going to be the only girl in my life- she nod.
-I need you to broke that promise...
-Yn...
-No, listen to me, if I don’t make it...
-Please don’t talk that way- Poe tried his best to not break in tears.
-I just need to know that you’re going to be fine.
-Let’s not think about that, let’s just enjoy the moment, ok?- She nod.
-So, you had another hat for me?- he nod weeping the tears.
But the pain he felt that day on the beach, was nothing compare with the pain he feel when he look at her in the bed on the med bay, her mother was by her side and rub her forehead, she told her that she was going to be fine and that she would keep an eye on Poe making her smile, Poe got close to the bed he take her hand and try his best smile, he came as quick as he could, when the doctor told him it was time to say goodbye.
-I’m going to give you some time a lone- both of them nod.
-it’s ok baby- he start to said -You can go know, I’m going to be fine...
-Poe... promise me... you’re going to fall in love again- he nod, even if he was lying, he tried to give him the peace she need in that moment, she touch his cheek making him look at her eyes -can you sing to me?
-Wise... men say- he start, even if he didn’t sing it right he try his best -only fools rush in...
-But I cant... help... falling in love with you- she whisper -I love you, Poe Dameron...
-I will always love you, Yn solo- she smile as she close her eyes and took her last breath -Yn...- when he fee the weight of her hand become heavier, he start to cry -Leia!- he scream -Leia!- he scream again, after what he felt like a century she get to the room and when she saw the scene she knew what happens, Poe keep kissing her temple -Please, come back, please...- when he feel Leia’s hand on his shoulder, he turn around and hug her tightly -She’s gone, Leia, she’s gone... I can’t do this... I need her- Leia didn’t said anything she just stay there mourning her daughter with his son in law.
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