#i cannot figure out how to make it better resolution and it's driving me up a fuckin wall

[five-of-cr]

[autisticlancemcclain]

YES let’s hear about shiro and adam’s daughter👁👁👁👁👁👁

YES thank u for asking. in this universe:

shiro and keith have different dads, but the same mom. shiro is eighteen years keith's senior, and keith was a Big Surprise. to say their mother was absent is an understatement. when keith's dad died (he was 4), shiro took him in. he was dating adam then but not married.

keith has pretty much only known shiro as his dad figure, although he does have some memories of his dad and shiro keeps any pictures he has :))

keith was a Menace to adam for several years. like, monster child. he was always scared that shiro would choose adam over him. it took several years from both shiro and adam to convince him that they were both going to put keith first, always.

it was actually something adam did to make keith feel safe around them. it wasn't even something big. but when keith was ten, a call went home from the school that keith was ditching class. regularly. he would ask to go to the bathroom and just not come back. shiro was out at work, adam was home, so he answered. keith fully expected him to be furious, and tell shiro. but he didnt. he told the school to leave keith alone basically (lol), patted keith on the head, and told him he's around if keith wants to talk. keith cried and really started to trust them.

he and adam still drive each other insane for kicks tho. bc it annoys shiro and that is their favourite joke of all time.

shiro Cannot be trusted in the kitchen. at all. sometimes he even manages to fuck up cereal.

adam is a fucken five star chef. hes SO good at cooking. and he hates rich people food, so he only makes comfort food out of spite and it's SO good. his love language is cooking for people and complaining about it.

adam and shiro have always been happy with keith, and when keith started to get older they decided they wanted another kid so they adopted hana!

it is an open adoption, so sometimes hana's mom comes to visit. she calls herself hana's aunt and while hana will never not know that her mom is her bio mom, she doesn't rly want a mother role (she was 16 when she had hana, she didn't want to be a mom but she still wants to be in hana's life, shiro & adam are happy with this)

hana is a Hugely Fussy Baby holy shit. she cannot sleep through the night even a little bit, she can sleep for like four hours max. shiro and adam have not slept properly in two years.

she does, however, sleep a full like eight hours if keith is the one to put her to bed. she loves keith so much. keith is insufferably smug about it (calls himself her favourite) and it drives shiro & adam insane (they do find it adorable but mostly they're jealous lol)

her first word was keke. keith sobbed for like three days. he has the video of it on his phone and he watches it regularly to remind himself that his family loves him.

one day shiro teases that keith is a better big brother than shiro ever was and keith just quietly says "no one in the world can be a better big brother than you were for me" and it shocks shiro so badly that he doesn't even know how to react. he's not shocked that keith loves him, but the resolution in keith's voice when he said that just shook shiro down to his core

when keith moved out he changed his homescreen on his phone to a pic of the four of them.

he comes to visit regularly, about once a week. adam cooks for him.

honestly i have more send me specific questions

[desertfangs]

One of the peak Armandaniel dynamics for me is how every time Armand cries (usually as a result of fighting with Daniel or panicking about his impending death), Daniel’s first instinct is to bully him and make him cry harder but he quickly realizes he absolutely cannot stand to see him suffer and immediately steps in to kiss it better 🥺 My man folds so fast he goes from “are those TEARS? for ME? lmaooo what a baby” to “lord he’s really going for it… oh. oh. oh baby shhh come here it’s okay” 🫂

So I don’t think Daniel’s first instinct when Armand cries is to bully him. I think it’s the opposite, actually. I think he's combative up until that point, and then the tears stop everything. But I think we're mostly on the same page.

Armand and Daniel have a really interesting dynamic when they fight. Like they really are just any other couple, you know? And I’m sure they fight about the usual couple things: Daniel wants to leave a party earlier than Armand, Armand wants to steal a car and drive to see some landmark he heard about and Daniel is too tired. Daniel left his dirty socks on the floor (again), Armand accidentally left the stove on when he left for the day, “You wanted to watch this, let’s sit down and watch it!” That kind of thing. The normal crap couples fight about. I think the most interesting thing about them is, at their core, they are just normal guys in a relationship trying to figure each other out and how they fit together, and one just happens to be a 500 year old immortal. 

But things change in the mid-80s when Daniel starts to really panic about his mortality, his aging, his fear of death. And look, I love Daniel, I do think he’s gentle and kind and affable, but I also think he’s strong-willed, sarcastic, and he fights dirty. The thing about couples like Armand and Daniel is that they know each other really well and that means they know exactly where to stick the knife and how to twist it, and I have zero doubt Daniel was an expert at this. It’s not what I would call bullying (I think Armand gives it back just as artfully and hurtfully) but it is intense and terrible. 

I mean this is how these fights are described: “Ugly fights, terrible fights, finally, Armand broken down, glassy-eyed with silent rage, then crying softly but uncontrollably as if some lost emotion had been rediscovered which threatened to tear him apart… No resolution in words was ever reached. It would end with the embrace, the kiss, the blood stinging him, the shroud of dreams closing over him like a great net, hunger! I love you! Give me more! Yes, more. But never enough.”

Clearly Daniel is pushing him beyond all his limits and hurting him. Daniel is desperate and flailing. And we only ever get Daniel’s perspective on this and the fact that his telling focused on Armand’s pain in these fights—not his own—says a lot about his guilt and remorse for how they went down. He is aggressive and trying to get through to him and as long as Armand remains stoic and angry, Daniel can fight back. 

But—and this is where I disagree with you—I get the impression that the tears are where it ends. It’s horrible to watch someone you love suffer and watching Armand cry literal blood tears has to hit Daniel in the gut. He can’t stand to see him suffer. They’re both suffering, is the thing. They’re both wounded and hurt and desperate for the other to understand their position but they’re at an impasse. And the pain comes from the fact that they both love each other and neither is willing to cede any ground. 

So once the tears come, then yes, it’s “Come here, damn it, I didn’t mean it, let’s snuggle* this out.” 

*Or a more R-rated thing. Or both. Why not both?

Thank you so much for the ask, anon!! I do think this is one reason why writing them fighting is so angsty and delicious! They’re both good (awful) at it and that makes it really interesting. And there’s so much potential for hot, hot makeup sex. 

And of course, this is just my read, and my read is no more valid than anyone else’s. 

[twiddle-dee-twiddle-dumb]

A/N: Ohohohoho word vomit, Toshi was really nagging in the back of my brain. So here it is... along with Mr. Hey Hey Hey Kotaro. I don't really know whether I've gotten better at writing. Still, I hope you enjoy though.

HAIKYU! BOYS & S/O ARGUED BEFORE AN IMPORTANT EVENT

Wakatoshi Ushijima

It’s rare for Ushijima to be silent whenever he really has something to say. He’s always been upfront. He always says what’s on his mind even if you may or may not like it. Of course, honesty and being genuine really helped you all through out your relationship. Yet, it’s different this time. He’s awfully quiet (like really, really, really quiet). He’s not even sparing you a glance across the living room. It looked like something’s brewing inside him and you can’t figure out what.

“Love, come on. Talk.”, you told him while standing on the doorway. You are wearing your work clothes except for the doctor’s coat that’s on your arm. Your shift’s about to start in two hours but you need to be at the hospital an hour before for the endorsements and other stuffs. “Babe…” you pleaded once more as you try to coax him to say something. But no avail. He just shifted on his seat, his eyes focusing on the tv screen. You sighed.

“Toshi, I’m really sorry about this. I didn’t know this would happen, that I would replace another doctor’s shift—” you mumbled on his neck as you hugged him in his seat. "Because you forgot to block your schedule for the next day." He said, cutting you off. It felt like cold water was splashed down on you. You can’t help but sigh in resignation. “I’m sorry.” That’s all you can say because it really is your fault this time.

Wakatoshi told you to clear your schedule a week ago before you shuffle shifts for the week. He knew that a doctor’s working schedule is erratic. That there some days and nights that you’re not going to be home and you’ll rarely see each other. There are some days that you and Toshi can spend more time together. He knew, that is why he asked you beforehand. “Yeah, sure babe.”, you agreed. You saw his rare boyish grin. However, you had a busy day at work and it slipped your mind.

“I’m really sorry, babe. I promise I’ll be there. I’ll really, really try hard to be there tomorrow. But I got to go. Love you.” You reassured him one last time then gave him a chaste kiss on his cheek. You rushed out the door. As much as you hate to leave your sulking husband, you have to. You pledge to do everything with chosen profession. Honestly, you felt terrible but you know better than to bring personal problems at work. Wakatoshi heard the door closed as you went out. He doesn’t know if he’s disappointed or frustrated. He’s really looking forward that Sunday brunch because your parents are going to be there.

You arrived at work but your mind seems to fling back to the look you last saw on Ushijima. You can’t help but internally berate yourself for absolutely forgetting. You shrugged the thoughts off as you finished reading/studying the patient’s chart. You’ll make your morning rounds in a few hours and you’re starting to get dizzy from all the hospital buzz. You found it unusual so you decided to get it checked.

Your shift ended 30 minutes before the brunch so you just texted Toshi that you’ll just meet him there and that the both of you have things to discuss. He just replied “ok”. O-K, two letters. As much as it frustrates you, you cannot do anything about it since you’re kind of at fault here. Now you got to make it up to him and you just know the perfect thing to do.

You arrived at the venue, both of your parents and Toshi are already there. You went to place a chaste kiss to your husband and greeted your parents after. In the middle of the small gathering, your parents pointed out that both you look awkward and seems to be having a problem. There is no point denying it since your parents already saw it through. They gave you guidance and advices, as you admit that it was your mistake. To make it up for everyone especially Toshi, you handed them white envelops.

Your lips pursed in anticipation and preventing a grin. You witnessed how their reactions changed from confusion to surprised to elation. Your mother was crying. Both of your dads are teary eyed. Your darling husband, oh the man’s got stuck on his seat, his left hand tightly holding the paper.

“Are you serious?” he asked you, still trying to wrap the information in his head. “Oh, so you know how to talk?” you teased him which earned you a grunt from him. “Of course! Laboratory tests results don’t lie. I was thinking of using peed on tests but I figured laboratory tests would be more reliable plus it’s free since I work there.” You quickly supplied as you gobble up the fruits on your plate.

Wakatoshi pulled you for a kiss and a hug along with the murmurs of ‘I love you’ and ‘I’m gonna be a dad.’.

Indeed, it was a great make up gift to your then disappointed husband.

Kotaru Bokuto

All through out your relationship with Bokuto is nothing but perfect. Perfect in a sense that you are equal in everything, he has been a reliable and responsible partner to you as you are to him. You balance out each other. Since the beginning of your relationship—when you first met and become acquainted—to the whole marriage and building a home with you, he has been a stable partner despite his ‘antics’. Bokuto has his tendency to mess up but he always gets back up. He has these weaknesses (per Akaashi) but he always comes around to make up for it. You know all these things about him and you love him no less.

There is no perfect relationship and couple fights are not uncommon especially to the two of you. The only catch is that the both of you are willing not to sleep on it until you’ve come up to a resolution. The biggest fight you had is when Bokuto tried to act up because your schedules didn’t permit you to see him before he left for a game—this way back before you had your first child. You almost call everything off. You were just so overwhelmed with the marriage, the pregnancy (which Kou didn’t know about yet), and work. So, it ended in a huge fight that was resolved three days later. Since then, the both of you are trying to not make disagreements into arguments. But not this time…

You just arrived from the business trip. You had a long day and receiving the news from the teacher that Bokuto didn’t show up for the meeting just makes you want to pull your hair out in frustration. Bokuto met up with you in the doorway and tried to kiss you but you moved away. You went to your bedroom and changed. Bokuto followed you with a pout.

“Not now, Kou. I’m not happy with you right now.” you said as you do your nightly routine. “Baby why? Did I do something? You just got back from work. I took care of the house and our son. What did I do wrong?” Bokuto was utterly confused.

“Really now, Kou?” you spat, crossing your hands on your chest. “No, baby, I really have no idea.” Bokuto insisted calmly.

“Kou! You told me you’d attend the teacher’s meeting today but you didn’t! I found because the teacher texted me and I have to freaking call her just to apologize and to be informed what went on with the meeting. Ugh…! You… I just can’t with you right now.” you groaned in frustration. You recalled the moment you read the teacher’s message as you drive your way home. It turns out that that meeting was for the parents of the kids that’s going to finish the school term with special distinction and your husband was no show. You also recalled how tight you gripped the steering wheel that your knuckles turned white.

Kou’s expression changed like he remembered something he forgot about which fueled your anger more.

“You forgot?! You freaking forgot?! What the crap!” your voice went an octave higher and scoffed in disbelief. “Kou, I can’t believe you!” you said before Kotarou could retort because at the moment he’s at loss for words. He indeed forgot.

You are fuming. Despite how busy you were, you reminded him and he still forgot. You just controlled your urge to throw the lotion bottle at him. You groaned in frustration, a bit calmer now. Your husband sat down on your bed, head bowed down like a little kid being reprimanded.

“The meeting was that important, Kou. The teacher said that the attendees of that meeting are the parents of the children who has a special distinction this end of the school term. Our son was one of them.” Bokuto looked at you, eyes shone with pride but that was only for a brief moment the second you glared at him. “And you missed it.” You continued. Bokuto knew he can never argue with you on this, clearly, he’s at fault. “Babe, I’m very sorry.” He mumbled. You sigh. It already happened. You already forgave him before he apologized but it doesn’t mean you’re gonna let him go that easily. “Whatever, Kou. I’m sleeping.”

This was the last conversation you have, days ago. Until today you still ignored Bokuto not because you’re still mad at him—you already forgave him the morning after when he made you breakfast, but you like to see him grovel. The thing is, you want Bokuto to understand that there are responsibilities that goes beyond than providing comfort and stuffs for the family and sometimes he forgets that.

“Baby owl, look at our son. I can’t believe he’s up going up there to receive his first award in kindergarten.” He whispered, still a little wary, because you still haven’t talked to him properly. You hummed in answer. Bokuto looked at you with pleading eyes, “Babe, please. You haven’t talked to me properly in days. I miss you.” You looked at him, one brow raised. “I promise to be better. I promise not to forget things anymore especially if it concerns our son, just forgive me and talk to me.” He continued, with a subtle pout. You want to laugh, his expressions never changed. “Yes, Kou. I already forgave you.” Just as you finished saying those words and before Kou could answer, your son appeared in front of you. “Mommy forgive dada? Mommy kiss dada now?” You and Bokuto looked at each other and then laughed. “Yes, yes, yes, little owl. Mommy forgave me. Dada can kiss her now.” Your husband answer while winking at your son. “Yes! Yes! Yes!” your son gleefully cheered.

Kou kissed the top of your head while whispering 'I love you'. Kou then whispered praises to your son as you walked out of the venue hand in hand, off to your home where you’re going to celebrate all the milestones in life.

[vickyvicarious]

Just as I was about to go to sleep last night, I got a brain flash that went basically "something something flashback episode thiefsome themes???" so now in the light of day let's re-examine. This still isn't anything too polished, but... I think there's some interesting stuff to be found here.

Putting it under a tag so it doesn't clog up peoples' dashes too much, but the gist is that their roles actually represent their relationships/desires at each respective point in canon quite well, and it's giving me some thoughts about what a possible flashback with Hardison/Eliot would look like.

In the van Gogh Job, we get flashback Parker/Hardison. Obviously it wasn't them and the names are different and all but I'm just gonna call them f!Hardison and f!Parker because it's easier.

f!Hardison is brave, clever, determined, and deeply in love

f!Parker is loyal, comfortable, just as deeply in love, but terrified

Their flashback story is a cautionary tale as much as it is a romance. F!Hardison shares so many traits with Hardison himself, and f!Parker is a clear representation of current Parker. They make no bones about it, the parallels are extremely obvious and are even what makes the guy start telling Parker his story in the first place. Parker loves Hardison but she has found a place to belong in the team (flashback town/roller rink) and is afraid of what will happen if she disturbs that status quo by getting into a relationship with him. She's too scared of losing him (flashback to her racist dad/his buddies killing or hurting him, modern to the possibility of death mostly) to take the step to actually be with him, even though they both know she wants to. I love that there isn't any hint of her doubting his feelings or that he will remain devoted in either flashback or modern; the focus is entirely on her own fears for him and how she would handle that, not ever of him in any way.

Regardless of the timeframe, it's clear that (f!)Hardison loves her and will respect what she is willing to give him, even if that means leaving her. In the flashback, f!Parker still loves him and saves his painting in his honor for the rest of her life, remaining loyal to him despite never seeing him again. None of the emotion is in question at all, and it's clear that if she is willing to give it, her faith in him will be completely justified.

The episode basically just acts out Parker's fears (puppet-style?) and demonstrates to her that even though she would be fine if she doesn't take the leap - she'll be so much happier if she does. There's no guarantee of a happy ending, but Hardison is still himself and that means that before that ending comes at the very least, she will be happy. (Much like Sophie's beautiful speech to her.) Parker was already beginning to ease into a relationship with him, and this episode doesn't exactly drive her to jump in headfirst, but it's clear when we watch her reaction to the story what she will choose. She's going to build up her courage, but she's going to take the risk.

.

Now, given how transparent that episode is on their pairing, I kind of wondered what would happen if I look at the one that pairs Parker/Eliot's flashback selves: the D.B. Cooper Job.

f!Parker is understanding, supportive, loyal, and gives him a place to belong

f!Eliot starts out doing something bad for the sake of someone he loves, is drawn to her, and later feels wracked by guilt and seeks redemption by helping others

The focus in this one obviously isn't on the romance. It isn't even on either of these characters, so much as it is on Nate and his flashback self. But the parallels between modern and f!Eliot are still pretty apparent, if a bit watered down in that f!Eliot has no intentions to hurt anyone and in fact takes pains not to do so.

But as far as pairings go, I think what they do between these two is pretty interesting. Their flashback characters are drawn to one another, feel a kind of understanding and recognition that they can't quite explain. It's why f!Parker stops him before he jumps and never gives him up, it's why f!Eliot trusts her in the first place and why he shows up at her door after it is all over. I think this is a really nice parallel to the way Eliot and Parker understand one another and have this connection that is different from the rest of the team.

The other thing I like a lot is that in this episode, f!Parker is the steady support. She represents the home f!Eliot longs to have, even if she isn't the one who eventually offers him the chance to help others and make his own redemptive efforts. In fact, him working with f!Nate starts out for selfish reasons and only later evolves into a place where he feels he belongs. That's another obvious parallel to the Eliot we know, but the Parker in this episode is a little less immediately recognizable. Sure, she's an incredibly loyal person and will obviously not care overmuch about crime or whatever but mostly it's harder to see her as much in that role.

But I think she serves much the same role here as f!Hardison in the other episode. Though modern Eliot isn't hearing this story and making any resolutions based on it, the casting still represents their relationship. Parker is growing steadily into the position of leader/mastermind, and at this point she and Hardison are openly together. She is someone who understands Eliot on a very deep level, and she is coming to be the person who is his rock. While I'm not discounting Hardison's importance at all, Parker more closely fits the role of the person who encouraged him to take the job in this flashback. She's the one who, only three episodes later in Rundown, verbalizes a promise to change together. She (and also Hardison) represent the home Eliot craves to have, the belonging and support necessary for him to grow and to do good in the world. What's more, f!Parker is accurate in representing her side of things as someone who wants that for him. She wants to invite him in, wants to support him even if it's from a bit more of a distance at first (pre-relationship) but would absolutely welcome him inside as soon as he shows up at her door (once he's ready, she will bring him into the thiefsome).

And Rundown shows us that in action, again only three episodes later. Not in the sense of canon thiefsome, but Parker and Hardison are absolutely supporting Eliot leaving his darker past behind, changing with them for the better - and not just getting away with his own hands clean, but doing the extra work to help others (going after the guy who tried to hire him instead of just leaving town; again when they realize how serious the situation is but stay to fix it). The episode even ends with Eliot literally throwing away the crutch that would allow him to walk on his own, and pull them both in to support him instead. He's in the middle, he's deciding to join them even if he could get by alone, it's all representative for them welcoming him into the relationship too. (I headcanon something went down between them here but it isn't all cleared up relationship-wise until the Toy Job, but either way the themes are there!)

.

So with this in mind... The flashback with Hardison/Parker focused on Parker and her fears/decision to enter into a relationship with Hardison. Similarly, the flashback with Eliot/Parker focuses more on him and his desire to join the relationship. For both of them, the episode represents a shift in their relationship with one another, something not entirely unknown before, but a step that is challenging for them personally. Still, this step leads to greater happiness and growth.

All that in mind... what would a Hardison/Eliot episode look like, if we got it in Redemption? I'm getting into slight spoiler territory here, so leave now if you haven't seen the first few episodes.

.

.

Okay, so since we've had more focus on Parker, and on Eliot, this episode would focus most on Hardison. It makes sense as well for his role in the new series, because while Parker and Eliot are a little more stable, Hardison is the one entering a challenging new period of his life that is difficult but helping him grow.

I don't have any kind of full plot figured out, but here are some things I think we might see:

f!Eliot is supportive, confident, and believes deeply in him

f!Hardison is bold, struggles with self-doubt, and upends his own life in order to change the world for the better

I think Eliot's role in this flashback would be smaller, but he'd love f!Hardison deeply and the focus would not be on their relationship developing, but on the challenges it would face as f!Hardison embarks on... whatever it is. It has to be something f!Eliot knows he cannot do, and maybe even something that might mean the end of their relationship (though much like the van gogh job, the love between them is never in question).

I've seen people mentioning a Stonewall flashback episode for these two before, and that's possible. But another thing we could see is f!Hardison working against racist laws or something. Whatever the case, he needs to be doing something that benefits many, many other people, and it needs to put him at personal risk. I'm not entirely sure on what would be holding Eliot back from helping in the same way - it may just be as simple as f!Hardison gives amazing speeches and inspires so many people, while f!Eliot just doesn't have that skill. Maybe he is sick. Maybe, their relationship does end up attracting violence, and he gets hurt (doesn't even have to be their romantic relationship, if we're going a race angle and setting this episode further back, it could just be an open friendship with their romance kept secret. the themes would still be there). Whatever the case, f!Hardison has to leave Eliot behind.

And yeah, this has already happened in canon. We're already here. But if we wanted this episode to happen, I think it would be possible for the themes to still be relevant and the challenge to still be there for Hardison's character, if something brings him back to the team. If something goes down and he isn't there, and it terrifies him that he wasn't there, and he has trouble leaving again even though his work isn't done. Or if he organizes something on his end of the world that goes horribly wrong somehow. Sometimes it's not the first step that's hardest, it's keeping on even after the first big challenge. No road is free of bumps, after all, so Hardison might well think he's fine at first but start having doubts even after things have been going well for a while.

That is where you can bring this episode into play. That's where you start - f!Hardison is already getting involved in activism of some kind, but his own fame brings about negative consequences or something unrelated happens, and it scares him and makes him consider giving his work up. The episode can be bittersweet, with them never reuniting, or it can have a happier ending where he returns and f!Eliot is still waiting for him. But it's important for Eliot to represent a home that Hardison is already comfortable in, and one he has to leave in order to help others (however temporary the leaving is). And we need to see him away from the team, thriving and growing and improving so many peoples' lives in ways that never would have happened without him - both in the flashback, and in the modern part of the episode. In fact, Hardison doesn't even need to actually be physically with the team at all in the modern part of the episode. It can be more like the Broken Wing job, where we get hints at what they are doing but the focus is entirely on him and his struggle.

Of course, I have no idea how this would tie in to a modern heist. But maybe the format could be changed up, if we focus more on Hardison outside of the team. I'm sure there's some way this could be worked. And I think it would do really well in completing the trio of thiefsome episodes, and giving equal emphasis on all three of them in each one.

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Produce Joe

(My gif)(Requested by @westanimagines )

- You and Joe meet when you get a job at the grocery store and are given a tour of the place by your new manager. 

- After being shown around the floor of the shop, he takes you into the backrooms and introduces you to Randy and the ever interesting Joe; who he has to tap on the shoulder in order to make him realize there’s people behind him since his music is playing so loud. 

- The bespectacled boy tries to play it cool but you can tell he’s a little embarrassed; particularly when his eyes fall on you and your manager explains that you’ll be starting work there the next Monday. 

- You give the man a polite hello before you’re ushered out of the room and whisked away to be shown around the rest of the building; leaving Joe flustered yet realistically unhopeful. 

- As I said before, you start work the next Monday and things go smoothly. You make friends with the other girls on shift and you do the mind numbing work that pertains to a job at a grocery store. 

- When you first start working there, you don’t really talk to Joe all that much. You don’t have a reason to be in his portion of the store most days and you’re new to the job so you’re doing whatever you can to look like a picture perfect employee as you figure out the rules of working there. 

- Once you’re a little more comfortable in your position, you do a bit more wandering and are trusted with more tedious jobs that have you going into the back of the store. That's when you actually start making conversation from time to time. 

- Your conversations are always a bit awkward but you come to realize that that’s …sort of just Joe. Which is why you begin to feel a bit bad for him.

- He’s always detached from everyone, always alone, and though you can’t say for sure that he isn’t the one who’s doing the detaching, you figure that it can’t be easy all the same and make it your mission to be friendly and talk with him. And his pleasant response to your interest in him convinces you that you've done the right thing. 

- Soon enough, he’s latched onto you. Not in a creepy way but in a friendly, ‘you’re the only one who I’m comfortable around and who talks to me’ sort of way. 

- It’s easy to see that you just being there makes his day a whole lot better; and that he looks forward to your little interactions, and though your coworkers certainly find him a bit strange, you begin to find him sort of cute. 

- Surprisingly enough, it doesn’t take Joe a ridiculously long time to shoot his shot. He just randomly asks if you’d want to see a movie with him on Saturday and against your better judgement of dating one of your coworkers, you can’t help but agree. 

- Hey, if there was anyone you’d be able to avoid at work and whose offer is dorkily endearing enough to persuade you into accepting, it’s Joe. 

- So you meet up with him that next Saturday and settle in for a date at the cinema, sharing a popcorn and pretending like you aren’t flattered by/don’t notice his glances towards you. 

- He almost kisses you after the movie as the two of you are saying goodbye but he very obviously loses his nerve and plays it off before the two of you call it a night. And as you’re driving yourself home, you’re surprised by how disappointed you are that he didn’t....

- Though you don’t wind up waiting too long for that kiss since you wind up taking it for yourself a few days later when you’re retrieving something from his area of the shop. 

- You figure that it’s best to get it out of the way to show him that you want him to kiss you so, after he hands you the box of things that you’d came there for, you lean up and peck him on the lips, giving him a cheerful thanks before you leave the room; leaving him an ecstatic mess. 

- And just like that, you’ve got yourself the freshest boy at the grocers. 

- Joe likes to pretend like he’s this cool tough guy but at the same time, he knows that he isn’t; which makes you being with him a big accomplishment in his eyes. He’s incredibly proud that you’ve chosen to be his girlfriend and being your boyfriend makes him feel cool so he loves pda and being able to show you off.  

- Him awkwardly throwing his arm around your shoulder while trying to look all macho. He’s a dork and that’s just something you’ll have to get used to. 

- Kiss his cheek! Kiss his cheek! Seriously, he loves it almost as much as he loves you. 

- Clumsy but sweet kisses. 

- Taking his glasses off so that you can kiss him better. I can’t imagine it would be easy to touch lips with those massive frames in the way. 

- The main pet name he uses is babe and it almost always sounds hilarious whenever it leaves his mouth.  

- Most of the time, when you cuddle, he’s the big spoon. He likes nuzzling into the back of your neck and having you pressed up against him; and he’s tall so it works out quite nicely. 

- Laying your head in each others laps. Oftentimes he’ll snuggle into your lap or stomach, wrapping his arms around the small of your back as your fingers card through his hair. 

- Brushing his hair out of his face. It never seems to bother him but every now and again it bothers the hell out of you. 

- Always having the freshest fruit and vegetables. If your boyfriend doesn’t put aside the best of the bunch when your favorite produce comes in, is he even your boyfriend?

- Spitting watermelon seeds and playing other stupid little games.

- Sliding down the grocery shoot every now and again when you know you aren’t gonna get caught; not that your boss really cares 90% of the time. 

- Making faces at each other.

- Goofing off and not taking yourselves too seriously. 

- Occasionally spooking him when you come to visit since he plays his music so loud. It’s become a highlight of your day to make him momentarily jump out of his skin; you consider it to be you avenging his eardrums. 

- Borrowing his Walkman and cassettes. It’ll definitely take some convincing though, that things practically his baby. 

- Dancing to music and lip syncing to songs.

- You can’t tell me that he doesn’t look like a “little” nerd, which is why I’m making him liking Star Wars and Star Trek and all of those geeky interests a thing. 

- Going to conventions and other nerdy events like that.

- Playing different tabletop games. 

- Movie dates. Something tells me he’d be one of those guys who are scared of horror movies but would try to play it off like he wasn’t…up until he’s clutching your hand all tight and refusing to walk down a dark street.

- Arcade dates.

- Carnival dates. 

- Mall dates. 

- He’s adorably willing to indulge in your more “girly” interests and probably secretly likes them himself.

- Taking naps together; though he strikes me as the type of person who barely gets any sleep so you might just be taking naps at his apartment while he does his own thing.

- Playful competitions.

- Him scaring the shit out of you with his chopping and dicing; to the point where you’re compelled to do his work yourself so that you know he isn’t gonna lose a finger. 

- Eating lunch together and sharing food. You spend pretty much all of your lunch breaks in the backrooms with him.

- Talking with Randy every now and again while you wait for Joe. He appreciates the occasional company and the fact that you can save him some trouble and relay messages to your boyfriend for him. 

- Long conversations about nothing in particular. You can rant to him about whatever you want but I can’t guarantee that he’ll be listening too intently; not that he’s purposefully ignoring you or anything.

- He’s kind of the typical oblivious boyfriend but he’s never malicious in his ignorance. He’s just a goofy dork who doesn’t take notice of subtleties and has trouble concentrating. 

- Letting him brag about his accomplishments; even though you probably know that he’s completely making them up. He’ll probably “come clean” later on in your relationship and you'll have to hold back a laugh while trying to sound sincere when you tell him it’s okay. 

- Him trying to act tough yet borderline hiding behind you when things get scary. 

- Most of the time, Joe doesn’t take notice of any flirtation or suggestive interactions between you and other men so he rarely gets jealous of people. You could openly flirt with a dude and he’d be none the wiser. 

- As much as Joe likes to pretend like he can kick peoples asses, he most certainly cannot so don’t expect him to start any fights in your honor. He’s a bit of a coward so he really isn’t all too protective of you. 

- Joe’s a laidback guy and you sort of knew what you were getting yourself into when you started dating him so the two of you really don’t get into too many fights. If you do have them, they’re a quick argument and an even quicker resolution. 

- Both of you sort of just choose to forget about arguments or you bicker until you come up with a quick “fine.” “fine!” sort of agreement and subsequently forget about the problem. Either way, fights never last long. 

- Joe tells you he loves you pretty much every day; usually when you’re saying goodbye or in other circumstances like that. 

- He might give you the occasional headache but you love him nonetheless. He’s a dork but he’s your dork and you’re gonna stay with him for as long as you can. 

[jaskiersvalley]

I absolutely love your writing!! It's so very enjoyable and your au's are absolutely delightful. I just thought you should know.

Thank you so much, Nonnie! AUs are something I really enjoy and to hear that others find them fun makes me so very happy. As a little thank you, here’s another AU feat Kaer Morhen Radio and a Jaskier driving an 18 wheeler.

Life was a lonely one on the road. There were many acquaintances and other drivers Jaskier had a passing friendship with, Valdo Marx had the annoying habit of having similar routes to him - they did say mimicry was the highest form of compliment. Alas, nobody was a steady presence in Jaskier’s life. Well, nobody who was aware of him. Though there was the Kaer Morhen Radio family. They were the closest Jaskier had to everyday friends, as sad as that sounded.

“Good morning fuckheads.” Such a declaration could only mean it was 6am and Lambert had taken over. Instinctively, Jaskier was smiling as he sat up with a yawn. Most radio stations liked to gently rouse listeners with swelling music that got more up beat as the day went on. Not Kaer Morhen Radio. They had Lambert as their morning DJ, there to wake sensitive ears in more and more creative ways. He had become known for his unique way to wake listeners up; from bringing in pots to bang to trying to imitate the mating call of a moose at full volume. The only thing listeners loved more than Lambert being a general prick was his flirtation with Aiden who did weather and traffic announcements.

“And, in those four famous words: and now, the weather,” Lambert announced gleefully. After a long moment of silence, he snickered. “We shall have to give Aiden a moment to climb out from under the desk and rinse his mouth. In the mean time, here’s a banger.”

The banger, Jaskier was surprised to find, was quite literally a recording of someone (possibly Lambert) attempting to play drums (badly) on some kitchen pots. By the time the piece reached its rather boisterous end, it seemed that Aiden was no longer preoccupied.

“The weather today-” Jaskier tuned Aiden’s words out in favour of figuring out whether he was messing around or whether he really did sound so husky and gravelly thanks to having his throat fucked. It was quite the conundrum and Jaskier spent the start of his morning drive wondering how many complaints Lambert and Aiden will get now. Their record was 36 for the game of “identify that noise” wherein they stuck their fingers in various containers and made them squelch. To that day, nobody knew whether the last one really was, in Lambert’s words, “Aiden’s well used hole and my come”.

Afternoons were much more peaceful. Eskel took over at 2pm and he was laid back, played soothing music and gave the impression of being a very calm and reliable member of society. Jaskier always maintained it was an impression because, among all the chat, Eskel would sometimes drop a strange little fact that made him do a double take or two.

“This next song,” Eskel had once said, “was written while under the influence of cocaine.” It was a reasonable enough fact to share, Jaskier had been listening while stuck in a traffic jam along a motorway. “How they managed to write it though, I have no idea. Cocaine is terrible for your focus, I could barely scratch an itch before being distracted by something else. So kudos to the writers for creating a whole song while off their face.”

Which was something Jaskier had never thought Eskel would know anything about. He always seemed to demure, the solid rock of Kaer Morhen Radio. He balanced out Yennefer’s news updates perfectly. It was probably why Jaskier liked him so much, now that he thought of it. The surface innocence mixed in with hints of a very colourful life lived beneath the steady exterior. Well, hints other than the incident where Eskel somehow managed to not turn his microphone off and had a conversation about going to a rave with someone who worked at the radio station. Nobody knew the man’s name and his answers were half muffled but listeners swore they heard him suggest something along the lines of a collar and leash - which Eskel had hummed in agreement to, sounding all too happy. When questioned, Eskel resolutely refused to name the mystery man but conceded that there had been a rave. Jury was out whether Eskel had grumbled about being ‘in ecstasy’ or ‘on ecstasy’ for it. And there was definitely a picture of floating around the internet of him in a collar at what definitely looked like an underground rave.

The real reason Jaskier listened to Kaer Morhen Radio was the late night DJ. 10pm on the dot, Eskel would flick the switch and a prerecorded intro played, announcing that it was Late Late Nights with Geralt. Between 10pm and 6am, Geralt manned the station. The only reason Jaskier knew his name was because of the intro. Otherwise the man was silent other than a few hums between songs. Sometimes, presumably when he knocked something over, there would be a growled “fuck” that listeners lived for.

As little as Geralt said, Jaskier was in love. The music was eclectic and death metal could be followed up by electro swing or grime. There was to way to predict just what Geralt would play next, he didn’t take requests, didn’t talk to his listeners. But, somehow, he still drew them in. Jaskier had made the mistake of looking Geralt up online and swooned a little at the few pictures available. It seemed Geralt was an elusive man, somehow managing to turn away from cameras with an uncanny ability. Though a few pictures did exist of Lambert and Eskel on either side of him, quite literally holding him down for a photo.

Truthfully, Geralt was one of the main reasons Jaskier chose to do overnight hauls. Not only did they pay better, he also had Geralt’s nonverbal grunts and hmms to look forward to. He was well aware that it was an infatuation and nothing more. He’d never met Geralt before, Geralt wasn’t even aware of his existence. So, really, Jaskier could daydream all he wanted but had no intention of doing anything more.

Except, Jaskier couldn’t help but wonder. Geralt had such range in his musical taste, maybe he would like what Jaskier wrote. It was a rare night off and Jaskier was well into the bottle with Valdo when they got talking, egging each other on about who was the better musician. It ended with Jaskier drunkenly posting a CD of his music to Kaer Morhen Radio, addressed for Geralt. When he woke up in the morning, on the floor next to his couch which was occupied by Valdo, Jaskier groaned.

Thankfully, there was never a mention or even a single note of his music in the next week. Slowly, Jaskier relaxed, only a little disappointed that his music hadn’t even been acknowledged by Geralt. He almost had a heart attack when eight days later, Lambert came on air with a mad cackle.

“Morning fuckheads!” Lambert sounded more cheery than ever before. “You’ll never guess what I found. Geralt has been hoarding new music. Good music. Said it was for him. Well, I have decided he cannot hold this back from us. If you’re listening, Jaskier, your note was hilarious. I hope your hangover was worth it. Thanks for the CD!”

There was a growl that sounded like Geralt storming into the booth but the microphone was cut and Jaskier’s song started playing. Jaskier almost crashed his truck in shock. Especially when Lambert declared it so good, they would play it again and, sure enough, the song went back to the beginning to play twice in a row.

If it had just been Lambert, Jaskier would have quietly died of shame, accepting that he was being mocked. But Eskel got in on it too. That afternoon he introduced Jaskier’s song with the promise that management were looking into getting in touch with him about the music. Even worse, a listener even requested the song later that evening. Jaskier was both in heaven and hell at the same time. That night, Geralt didn’t play his song and Jaskier was only a little disappointed.

His phone rang the next day.

“Good afternoon, my name is Vesemir, I’m calling from Kaer Morhen Radio. May I speak to Jaskier?”

Jaskier promptly choked. He got an invitation to the studio. It was a good seven days of driving away and Jaskier searched for a contract that would take him across the continent. While he drove, he got a bit braver and started e-mailing the radio station on his breaks.

His written request for songs were acknowledged by a hum and the song coming on next. When he asked Geralt for a shout out, he got obnoxious pop music playing instead. So Jaskier asked for two hums if Geralt wanted to meet and three if he didn’t. Thus, there was a “fuck” on air and the Beauty and the Beast theme song started playing. It was safe to say Jaskier didn’t understand it but he wasn’t deterred.

By the time Jaskier got into town and made his delivery, it was almost 6am. There was no time he had been specifically invited for and he ended up approaching the building at the same time Lambert showed up with Aiden and three large cups of coffee in hand.

“Excuse me,” he called out, “I’m here to see Vesemir.”

“Bit early for that.”

“He never gave me a time so I figured an early start would be appreciated.” It wasn’t exactly a lie but Jaskier kind of wanted to meet Geralt who would be finishing up soon.

For some bizarre reason, Jaskier was led into the radio studio, no questions asked. Surely it was a security issue but then again, Jaskier checked out Lambert and Aiden, they would no doubt be able to handle any issues. Then there was Geralt, stepping out of the booth, Lambert’s intro queued up. He froze when he spotted Jaskier and, curiously, glanced away, seemingly all shy. The curious response was explained away all too soon. There, on the wall, was Jaskier’s CD and a polaroid of him and Valdo, helpfully labeled “The Talent” with an arrow to Jaskier and “The Fake” pointing at Valdo.

“You here for Vesemir?” Geralt asked eventually, sipping at one of the cups Lambert had brought.

“Amongst other things,” Jaskier replied.

“He won’t be here until 10. Why don’t we go grab breakfast while you wait?”

Aiden wolf whistled at that and Lambert whooped, arms in the air.

“My dear fuckheads,” he purred into the microphone, “we have a date between our local cryptid and our mystery siren. Please wish them luck.”

It turned out that, in person, Geralt was a bit more talkative than on air. And Jaskier helped fill any silence without any problems. He ended up being later than planned to meet Vesemir and Tissaia who had a very handsome cheque for him for playing his music and also his phone number with the promise of passing it on to some connections who had expressed an interest in his music.

Never before had Jaskier thought he would thank Valdo Marx for anything. But, one drinking session with him had landed Jaskier with not only a contract with a record label but also a boyfriend. With his first pay, Jaskier send Valdo the biggest bouquet of flowers humanly possible.

[set-phasers-to-whump]

all this time been burnin’ with a fever

prompt: labor (leftover from day 6, used as an alt)

whumpee: eddie diaz

fandom: 911

heyo! i am gonna be honest i cannot figure out whether this fic sucks or is okay. i straight up have no idea. but oh well. hopefully it’s ok! this fic is pre-buddie but i suppose it doesn’t have to be? idk its a lil different from the usual pre-buddie stuff i write. also i don’t mention it in the fic but i don’t want people to worry about him so chris is like, at a sleepover :) hope you enjoy this! (title from deleter by grouplove)

When Eddie had laid down in the bunk room, he’d felt just a little bit off. He had attributed this to the current heat wave sweeping through Los Angeles, but now, he’s not so sure. 

The alarm is going off and around him, his fellow firefighters are climbing out of their bunks to respond to a worker trapped under heavy equipment at a factory. Eddie gets out of bed with the rest of them, trying to pretend like his head isn’t spinning from the movement. He takes the stairs down to the truck, not liking his chances of going down the pole with his weirdly-sweaty hands. 

He feels very slightly better when he sits down in the truck across from Buck. Slightly. His head has stopped spinning. Other than that, he still feels like absolute shit. He’s hot, and horribly sweaty (he can feel his hair sticking unpleasantly to his forehead), and his whole body aches like...like something. His head hurts too much to think of an appropriate metaphor. 

“You okay?” Buck asks. It takes Eddie a moment to register the fact that anyone has spoken at all, and another moment to figure out a reply. By the time he says, “I’m fine,” he’s pretty sure there’s no way in hell that Buck believes him. 

“Are you sure?” Buck asks, immediately after Eddie says he’s fine. Eddie sighs. He really doesn’t have the strength to insist right now. 

“Yes,” he says, and hopes that it’s enough. 

“Really? Cause, I don’t mean to insult you or anything, but you look kind of terrible.”

I know, Eddie thinks. I feel it, too. He says, “thanks, Buck. You’re so nice,” instead, and Buck just shakes his head. 

A few minutes later, they arrive at the factory. Wanting to prove to Buck that he’s okay, Eddie shoots up from his seat as soon as the truck parks and determinedly makes his way outside, fighting through a rush of lightheadedness and forcing himself to keep moving normally. 

The team heads into the building, the 911 dispatcher relaying information about their victim’s location. 

“First floor, back right corner.”

Bobby leads the way, and Eddie sticks close behind him. The air-conditioning in the building has been turned off, and the atmosphere inside is choking and dry. He feels himself start to sweat even more, and wonders how that’s possible.

“Wow,” is the first thing anyone - Buck - says, when the victim comes into view. Both of his legs are pinned under a very large machine, which appears to have fallen on its side. He’s conscious, but clearly going into shock. Hen and Chim get to work on him right away, as the rest of the team analyzes the machine and waits for the paramedics to give the go-ahead to lift it away. 

“You’re good to go, Cap,” Chim says, after a moment. “He’s stable for now.”

“We’re gonna need all available hands on deck for this one,” Bobby says. Hen stands up from next to the patient to join in the effort, while Chim remains with him, monitoring his vitals. 

Bobby instructs everyone to different positions around the machine. Eddie is at a corner, and he braces a hand against it as they prepare to lift. He can’t remember a time when he felt this weak, but he knows he has to fight through this, has to give everything he’s got and more, to make sure that they get this man free. 

“On the count of three,” Bobby says, and Eddie puts his hands on either side of the corner, pressing his feet firmly into the ground. He can do this. He has to do this. He feels so, so bad. 

“Three, two, one!”

They all lift simultaneously. The machine creaks and squeaks and comes up off of the ground, and there’s a dragging sound, and Eddie’s legs are starting to shake, and his vision is going dark around the corners and his head is hurting more and more and -

“He’s out!” 

They settle the machine to the floor. The second Eddie’s hands leave the metal, everything goes dark.

--

Eddie wakes up to the overpowering smell of ammonia. He reaches out a clumsy hand to bat the source of the smell away and hears Buck’s voice.

“He’s awake!” This is not directed at Eddie, but the next thing he says is. “I can’t believe you.” 

Eddie opens his eyes and finds himself staring up at Buck’s face, half-illuminated by what he assumes is a flashlight. “What happened?” he asks, trying to sit up. 

Buck’s hand presses him back to the ground, which is where he was heading anyway - even moving slightly upwards had made his head start to feel funny, and he really doesn’t want to pass out. Wait - 

“You passed out,” Buck says, his voice not quite snapping at Eddie, but getting there. “We set down that machine, and you hit the floor. You wanna explain that?”

Not really, Eddie thinks. “Don’t feel good,” he says, and this time it’s Bobby who speaks to him, stepping into his field of view for the first time and bending to crouch next to him. 

“I bet you don’t. You’re dehydrated and running a fever.” Eddie senses that there’s something else Bobby is going to say, but he’s interrupted by Buck.

“Even though you told me you were fine,” Buck says. “You passed out, Eddie. You’re just lucky that the patient was stable enough for Hen and Chim to check you over and make sure you weren’t, you know, dying or anything.” He sounds angry, and Eddie doesn’t blame him. He can’t believe he passed out on the job. He’s stronger than that, better than that. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. 

“Save it,” Buck says. “You think you can get up without passing out again? We need to get you back to the station.”

Eddie shrugs against the ground. This must be a good enough answer, though, because the next thing he knows, Buck’s hands are grabbing onto his own, and then Buck’s standing and pulling Eddie to his feet. 

Everything starts to spin, but Eddie resolutely does not pass out. He does lean forward until Buck is practically supporting all of his weight. They walk back to the truck, awkwardly, Buck all but carrying Eddie, Bobby walking next to them. 

The ride to the station is quiet. Eddie leans his head against the window and wishes that the glass was cool. But it’s warm, just like everything else, and he doesn’t think he’s ever been so hot in his life. I want to go home, he thinks, and it’s not until Buck replies that he realizes he’s spoken out loud.

“You’ll go home,” he says. “We’re just going back to the station to get your stuff, and then I’m driving you there.”

Some kind of hopeful feeling rises in Eddie at the thought of Buck bringing him home, caring for him, even, but he squashes it down and protests because he has to. “You don’t have to -”

“I’m doing it. End of story,” Buck says. Eddie flinches a little at the hardness in his voice, but he knows he deserves it. 

They arrive back at the station, and Buck tells Eddie to wait in the truck while he gets their stuff. Eddie slumps down in his seat and closes his eyes and tries to tell himself that he’s going to be fine, that it’s just a fever, but he’s aching and sweaty and exhausted and frankly miserable, and having a hard time believing that anything is ever going to be fine again. 

“Hey,” Bobby’s voice distracts him from his rapidly darkening thoughts. Eddie opens his eyes and sits up a little on the seat. Bobby sits down across from him and touches a hand to his shoulder. 

“Are you okay?”

That is...not what Eddie had been expecting him to say. He’d expected a stern talking-to, at the very least. Maybe some yelling. Not concern. 

He finds he doesn’t have it in him to lie. “Not really.”

“How long have you been feeling sick?”

Eddie shrugs. “I only felt a little off before going to sleep. I thought it was just the heat. It wasn’t bad until I woke up.”

Bobby nods sympathetically, and Eddie wonders why he’s not mad. Before he can think the better of it, he’s asking. 

“I am upset with you,” Bobby says, but his voice is gentle. “Coming to work sick doesn’t just put you in danger. It puts the team and the people we save in danger too. You should have told me how you were feeling before we went out on that call.”

Eddie nods. “I know,” he says, “it was stupid.”

“I won't argue with that,” Bobby replies. “I want you to get home and get some rest and plenty of fluids, and don’t even think about coming back here until you’re feeling a hundred percent.”

“Okay.”

Bobby stands to leave the truck at the same moment that Buck returns, his and Eddie’s duffle bags thrown over his shoulder, keys to his Jeep in hand. “You ready to go?” he asks, voice still distant but slightly less cold. 

“Yeah,” Eddie says, carefully making his way out of the truck, bracing his hands against it to keep his balance. Buck steps closer and takes on some of Eddie’s weight without either of them saying a thing, and they walk out into the parking lot. 

For the first few minutes of the drive, neither of them says anything. Then, they stop at a red light, and Buck turns to look at Eddie. 

“You passed out,” he says, stressing the words. 

“I know,” Eddie replies. “Don’t have to remind me.”

“We were on a call, and you just passed out,” Buck continues. “Do you know what that was like? Hearing something fall to the ground and realizing it was you?”

Eddie doesn’t answer. He’s too tired to formulate any kind of response, and anyway, he’s pretty sure that these are rhetorical questions.

The light turns green, and Buck starts driving again. “It was terrifying, Eds,” and a bit of softness creeps back into his voice with the use of the nickname. “We didn’t know why you collapsed. Honestly, you’re lucky that the ambulance already had a passenger, or you’d probably be at the hospital right now.”

“It wasn’t...wasn’t that bad,” Eddie says, suddenly realizing how much worse things could be - he could be in the hospital, for what is nothing more than a fever. 

“Yeah, we figured that out pretty quick when Chim started checking you over. Your fever wasn’t dangerously high or anything. You’re just sick. Normal sick, nothing scary. Chim said all you needed was some rest and some water and someone watching over you to make sure you actually got those things.”

Eddie nods, although Buck is looking at the road and can’t see him. “Glad it’s you,” he says. 

“What?”

“Glad it’s you,” he repeats. “Watching over me. I didn’t think...I mean...you’re mad at me. But you’re doing it anyway.”

Buck pulls into the driveway. “Of course I am,” he says. “Watching over you. And, I mean, I’m mad at you, too. Do you have any idea how stupid it was to go on a call like this?”

“Yeah,” Eddie says. “I just…”

“I know.”

Buck parks the car and gets out, and he’s opening Eddie’s door for him before Eddie’s hands have even found his seatbelt. Buck reaches across him and undoes it, wincing when his hand touches Eddie’s skin. 

“You really are burning up,” he says. “Come on, let’s get you inside.”

A few minutes later, Eddie is in bed, dressed in lightweight pajamas and lying on top of the covers because it’s way too hot beneath them. There’s a large glass of water and a bottle of tylenol sitting on the bedside table, and Buck is in his bathroom getting a damp washcloth that Eddie had tried to insist wasn’t necessary. 

As soon as the cloth touches his forehead, though, he changes his mind. It feels wonderful against his overheated skin, and he sighs contentedly.

“Told you that would make you feel better,” Buck says, sinking down onto the edge of the bed. “You need anything else?”

You, Eddie thinks, but Buck is already here, taking care of him and worrying over him and making sure he’s comfortable even though he’s also still a little mad at him. It should be enough, Eddie thinks, but all he really wants is for Buck to lie down next to him. He can’t quite bring himself to ask, though. Even in his feverish state his inhibitions haven’t been lowered that much. 

So he doesn’t ask Buck to lie down next to him. The extra body heat would probably be unbearable anyway. But that doesn’t mean that Buck doesn’t stay. He does, and doesn’t give Eddie much of a choice in the matter. 

“I’m gonna go crash on the couch,” he says. “If you need anything, if you wake up and feel worse, anything, I’m right here, okay?”

“Okay,” Eddie says, and closes his eyes. “Thank you.”

He can hear the soft smile in Buck’s voice when he replies, “always, Eds.”

thanks for reading!!!!! i hope you liked this fic :) i feel like i usually write something that is like a little more hopefully pre-ship but i have become such a slut for pining!eddie so. here. 

[ubemango]

not a request but more of a suggestion but i’d love to read about unko jaykay meeting soonbok for the first time 🥺

This hurt me SOOOO bad oh my gosh x_x tw mentions of blood

.

.

.

He gets the call at exactly two AM. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard Yoongi this frazzled before.

“She’s—she’s being cleaned up right now. When you get here just text me. I’ll come pick you up from the lobby. And can you get me something from Starbucks while you’re at it?”

Jeongguk visits a drive-thru and buys a cake pop with coffee, as a treat. It’s too late to find a flower shop so he figures a tiny confection will express the sentiments of congratulations on becoming a dad nicely enough.

Yoongi looks like he’s seen all the ancient horrors of the Earth when Jeongguk meets him. He extends no formal greeting other than: “For me?”

He’s pointing at the iced coffee and brown paper bag. “Vanilla was the only flavour they had left,” Jeongguk says, handing them over. Yoongi quite literally rips open the bag, grabs the cake pop by the stick, and devours it in 0.5 seconds. “Woah. You good?”

Yoongi gives him a hard stare, chugging on his coffee next. “You ever had a wife who’s gone through fourteen hours of labour?”

Jeongguk shivers from the thought. “I don’t wanna know. Let’s go. What floor?”

“Second.”

Yoongi spares him the conversation, guiding Jeongguk through a short elevator ride, gurney-filled hallways, the occasional duo of doctor and nurse walking past. Jeongguk knows they’ve reached the maternity ward when he hears someone wailing in the distance.

“You get used to it,” Yoongi comments when he sees Jeongguk’s half-horrified face. “This shit is scary. Seeing so many pregnant people in the same space. It’s like you’re all in on some volunteer experiment and your compensation for participation is a human being.”

“Is—is she there?” Jeongguk asks. The hallway threshold they cross this time is much quieter. Suddenly he’s reminded that you were in the exact same position that wailing woman is in right now. He’s glad you only told him to come when you’d given birth, otherwise he’d probably be occupying a gurney from fainting at the sights and sounds of literal childbirth. “Your. You know. Human being.”

“Yeah. She had to go get her vitals checked but she’s back now. Should’ve seen them try to wrestle her out of her mom’s arms. Anyway. You ready?”

Jeongguk takes a moment to realize they’ve stopped at a door.

He’s an uncle now, he thinks. You carried a clump of cells through growth, brought her earthside because your body decided it was time. And he’s never been particularly concerned about babies but he feels overwhelmed, thinking about how hard you must’ve worked. He should have begged for a second cake pop.

“Yeah,” he answers finally.

Yoongi opens the door first. The lights are dimmed down, and Jeongguk has to blink the glaring white of the hospital walls away to make sure he isn’t tripping on anything. A nurse cleaning the bloodied weight scale looks up and greets him. Another nurse mops at the foot of the bed. The sight of you half-asleep is what greets his vision next, looking all shades of exhausted. Yoongi looks like sunshine compared to you.

“Hey. You just pushed a whole human out your cooch,” he greets.

“Damn right I did,” you proclaim. “I’d give you a hug but I quite literally cannot lift myself up at the moment.”

You’re cocooned securely in your blankets, like an overgrown baby. Yoongi walks over to kiss your forehead. “Don’t work so hard, babe.”

“I better not, else my stitches will rip right open. Whoosh. More blood.”

“Laughing gas,” Yoongi explains your loose tongue to Jeongguk.

“I smell cake. And coffee,” you complain next.

Yoongi swiftly turns around and shoots his garbage inside a bin near the bed. “No you don’t.”

“I want cake.”

“You can’t have cake. You want me to get you more ice to chew on?”

“Sure. Jeongguk. Look at my baby. Doesn’t she look like an alien?”

Something to the side of your bed catches his eye. A little squirming of pink blankets in a separate cart, and he freezes in his spot. “I—can I look?”

“Duh,” you say through a mouthful of ice Yoongi’s just shoved into your mouth.

Jeongguk tiptoes over carefully. Baby girl Min, 1:57 AM, the label on the glass says. The first word that pops up in his head when he sees her? Tiny.

Her swollen eyes closed, she breathes life into her small chest. You’re right. She kind of does look like an alien. But a cute one, with Yoongi’s nose, your eyebrows. She’s probably the size of his own forearm. He feels like if he breathes too hard she’ll roll right out onto the floor.

So careful is he in his observations that he doesn’t notice Yoongi making his way over to him to ask:

“You wanna carry her?”

Jeongguk locks up. He hasn’t held a baby since his little cousin was born and that was like two decades ago. His dad had made the mistake of asking him if he wanted a snack the second he had little Daesung in his noodle arms and he’d very nearly launched him off to go running for dino cookies. “Can I?”

“Course.” Yoongi slots a gentle hand beneath her neck, using the other hand to lift her at the bum. “Gonna sit down, or?”

“I’ll sit.” He’s 100% sure he’ll drop her if he doesn’t. He finds the rocking chair set in the corner of the room, positions himself comfortably for Yoongi to guide his arms around her.

She immediately fidgets in his hold. Oh god. She probably doesn’t like his aura, Jeongguk thinks. Or maybe he’s too cold and she wants her mom’s warmth. Like a little cub stolen from its mama bear. If she started crying he probably would, too.

But: “Oh—oh my god wait you’re smiling,” Jeongguk coos.

Her mouth stretches upwards for a second, and he hears Yoongi say wah, so cute but it’s muffled noise. She makes this moment for Jeongguk alone. And he can’t help but squeeze her closer; she wriggles, pointing her little nose to his chest like she wants to hold him back. He very resolutely decides, right then and there, to pull at his heart and say, This space is for you now, and a cold feeling washes over him like he’s just entered a new world.

“You really do fall in love right away,” he whispers.

You interrupt his reverie with a snort. “You’re so corny. I��m surprised you haven’t cried yet.”

“That’s only because you’d make fun of me if I did.”

“Just don’t drop her,” you mumble.

“Yeah yeah.”

Wait. Speaking of her:

“What’s her name?” Jeongguk asks.

Yoongi strokes gently at her cheek. “Soonbok.”

Almost as if she recognizes it, she flutters her eyes open at her dad’s call. Jeongguk feels his chest burning from how sweet she looks.

“Soonbok,” he repeats, voice cracking. “Welcome home.”

.

.

.

(“See, I told you he’d cry,” you laugh. “Take a picture for me, Yoongi.”)

[iturbide]

You know what? You forced me to start planning a huge post breaking down Faye, so for "revenge" I'm asking you to do one for Robin too! >:) (oh and Grima too if you want, it's always great hearing you talk about them)

MISSION: SUCCESS

but I will take this vengeance challenge starting with my boy

How do I feel about this character?

Look.  Robin has been my Summoner Support character since the day the system launched.  He’s maxed out on dragonflowers at 15.  I sacrificed a 5-star exclusive dagger with a high-rarity and very potent A passive to him over any other possible unit I could have given it to.  I have written just shy of 500k words of Awakening fanfiction in which Robin is a central figure in every story. 

I kind of love Robin a lot.  That may, in fact, be an understatement for my feelings.

Who do I ship this character with romantically?

Theoretically I could ship just about anyone with Robin (with a few exceptions *coughFrederickcough*) but my big ones are Chrom (naturally) and Sumia!  Those two are the ones I most enjoy seeing Robin with since I think they play off one another in really enjoyable ways -- and it’s even better when it’s all three of them together!

Who is my brOTP for this character?

Lissa.  I LOVE Robin and Lissa as best friends and confidantes who can tease each other but will always, always have each other’s backs.  Robin and Henry being super tight as siblings is another favorite dynamic, Robin and Sully is right up there with Robin and Lissa, and when I’m not shipping them Robin and Sumia as best book buddies is near and dear to my heart.  Also Gaius, Libra, Panne, and Kellam -- I love Robin and Kellam bonding so much it does my heart good (which is why so many of these relationships are, in fact, integral to Future Built).

What’s my Unpopular Opinion™ about this character?

oh boy I have a million of these haha but the biggest one that really is an unpopular opinion is that Robin is proud of their Plegian heritage and would never EVER forsake it.  I’ve seen a not insignificant amount of fanart that puts Robin into clothing that’s clearly Ylissean in cut, style, and/or pattern, and this drives me up the wall because Robin is canonically one of our very few characters of Plegian heritage, someone who goes around throughout the entire game in a coat that bears the literal emblem of Grima in the eye-patterned sleeves -- something that’s preserved in their Grandmaster class, no less, rather than quietly done away with.  That coat is clearly important to them, and deep down -- even with all their memories buried out of direct reach -- I think their cultural heritage as a Plegian is of the utmost importance to them, such that they would only go without some show or sign or it if they were forced to do so. 

Basically, in my personal opinion, Robin should always have Plegian touches in whatever they wear but ESPECIALLY if it’s otherwise Ylissean in appearance.  Erasing Robin’s Plegian heritage is really gross to me personally, and funny enough, even IntSys didn’t do that for once, so fandom should really have no excuse.

What’s one thing I wish would have happened with this character in canon?

For Robin?  Either meeting their mom should she still be alive, or at least getting back their memories.  It does make sense that Robin started the game as an amnesiac because it let us learn through them, and made a lot of the revelations really pack a punch -- but after a certain point?  I really, really wish that Robin’s memories would have come back to them so that we could find out more of who they were before and what their experiences had been.  Even before a full return of those memories, they could have done simple things, stuff like reactions based on muscle memory or reflexive training that surprise them sometimes, or stated feelings of deja vu -- but later in the game (and supports) I really wish they would have give us something that tells us more about their life; what would be especially nice is if those returning memories involve Grimleal rituals or teachings, because I think it would have been really powerful to have someone we love and care for so much (as our player avatar) shining a better light on the much-maligned faith of Ylisse’s neighboring nation.

I’m very, very biased about that, though.

and BONUS: Grima time

How do I feel about this character? 

I’m pretty sure that at one point, if you searched up the #grima tag, mine was one of the top blogs that came up (though I’ve been getting lazy and tagging less by character lately so I’ve fallen out of there).  I’m also pretty sure that most of the people following me ended up here because of all the Grima content I started pouring out when the first one dropped in Heroes.  Grima is one of those characters who I write about exhaustively and who subtly manages to play a role in most of my Awakening fic, including the ones where they don’t physically appear (I call those Grima Sightings and frankly I would love it if people tried to spot them). 

...I think Grima has just taken over a part of my brain and to be perfectly honest I’m okay with that.

Who do I ship this character with romantically? 

Emmeryn.  That’s it.  That’s the only character I have ever or frankly will ever ship Grima with because that was already something that came out of left field I literally cannot imagine anyone else managing to spark the same reaction a second time.

Who is my brOTP for this character? 

Robin, honestly.  I love the idea of Robin and Grima interactions where the two end up becoming close as friends and confidantes, regardless of the situation.  Is it kind of heartbreaking when it’s the whole “Grima’s in control and Robin’s in the backseat” situation?  Undoubtedly, but it’s also really moving to consider that they might learn how to work together and help each other and work toward a shared purpose. 

And also Grima getting parenting advice from Robin in Heroes during the early days of the creche is A+++ in my opinion.

What’s my Unpopular Opinion™ about this character? 

Aside from the idea that Grima is in fact the most parental of dragons and broods in the literal chicken sense or my giant conspiracy theory that Grima came to the past to do the same thing Lucina did (avert the ruined future)?  It’s probably that Grima is not an instigator of conflict or chaos: they’re antisocial and would prefer to distance themselves for the sake of having some peace and quiet rather than getting dragged into yet more conflict based on human preconceptions or judgments based on appearance. 

Fandom at large loves to play Grima as unrelenting evil and constantly in competition with the Awakening folks (especially the Exalted lineage) but...that doesn’t make any sense to me personally?  Grima hasn’t really asked for anything that’s happened to them: they’ve been used and abused by humanity by their own admission, and Validar is just the latest in the line to do the same, causing unspeakable harm for the sole purpose of raising Grima to destroy the world at his own bidding.  Yeah, maybe Grima doesn’t have the best feelings toward the Exalted Lineage, but also why would Grima be the one picking the fight?  If you mess with Grima the Fell Dragon will step up (Vengeful Fighter is their innate B passive in Heroes, quite likely for a reason), but I really don’t see them going out of their way to cause trouble.  They just want to be left in peace, but humans really don’t seem to get that.  Yes, the fanart can be funny, but it also rings false to me, because I really think Grima would just flat-out ignore the Exalted lineage unless they make the confrontation, at which point Grima won’t hold back.

What’s one thing I wish would have happened with this character in canon? 

First of all I really do wish we could have seen a peaceful resolution with Grima rather than having to destroy them, especially considering that the Fell Dragon really didn’t seem all that interested in hurting anybody even after raising the dragon form (see the aforementioned conspiracy theory).  Grima has been hurt so many times throughout their life that I think it would have been deeply meaningful if we could have reached out in an attempt at understanding, to have come to a non-violent resolution, and found peace without someone needing to die for once.  When Grima purposefully abstains from nuking the group that poses a threat to their life upon resurrecting their impossibly huge and powerful dragon form and instead flies out over the ocean -- so far they need Naga herself to teleport them -- it kind of says a lot about how much Grima really wants to fight (answer: they clearly don’t).

Other than that, though?  Just...give us more of Grima in general.  Tell us more about their history, especially the thousand years between their emergence from Thabes Labyrinth and their fall at the hands of the First Exalt.  I want to know more of that history, I want to see how they treated the humans that flocked to them, even knowing that those same humans would eventually break Grima’s spirit.  We just have so few crumbs about Grima, I want more than anything to get a meal instead.

Give Me a Character

[diamondcitydarlin]

I am just...honestly fascinated by this sudden ‘change of heart’ with Guillermo tho in regards to being a familiar and becoming a vampire, there’s a lot going on there and a lot to unpack, and I’m hoping somewhere in the depths of what is about to be a long, directionless rant I’ll find the clarity I haven’t seemed to quite grasp yet. 

ALSO I’M SORRY THIS IS A LOOONG ASS POST BUT I DIDN’T WANT TO PUT IT UNDER A READ MORE AND SUBJECT INNOCENTS TO MY BLOG LOL, BUT I’VE TAGGED ACCORDINGLY 

So, I already made a post about ‘Collaboration’ and some of the interesting subtext we get within that episode. Mainly, that this episode is an interesting one for Guillermo because he finally gets what appears to be and should be (at least at first) the opportunity he’s always been waiting for. To this point, across seasons, Guillermo has driven home that his one and only aspiration in life, the reason he tolerates an endless, shitty position, is because he hopes to become a vampire. He’s wanted it since he was a kid. IF HE CAN’T BECOME A VAMPIRE, WHAT HAS THIS ALL BEEN ABOUT?? 

If it was as simple as just wanting to become a vampire by any means necessary, leaving Nandor for this golden opportunity should have been as easy as taking off an ill-fitting pair of shoes...but it wasn’t that, was it? When Nandor pretended to shuck him off as if it didn’t matter, Guillermo got angry and sad in equal measure and only really brightened again when Nandor came back and promised to do better by him. Not necessarily set down a concrete timeline for the ‘becoming a vampire’ thing though, but Guillermo didn’t seem to care about that all that much anyway. Interesting. 

Now we’re able to see a version of things in which Guillermo is being treated better as a familiar, but rather than this development improving his mood he seems all the more aware of the fact now that...maybe he doesn’t even want to be a vampire anymore. Maybe he’s wasting his time here. Maybe he needs to swim towards open waters, so to speak. 

Very similar to Nandor, Guillermo, I think, is not really aware or fully accepting of the inner workings of his own mind. He strikes me as a character that does a lot in the way of burying the truths of himself so far down, he even convinces himself that part of who he is doesn’t really exist- even when it does, and drives a lot of his actions. The show plays to this by only ‘showing’ us concretely how much Guillermo wants us to know, with only small hints and nods to other things going on. That fits and rings true to the norm for a mockumentary style of filming/writing, in that the audience has to rely on a lot of subtle cues from the subjects to figure out what’s ‘really going on’ with a character or plot line; the ‘camera’ in a mockumentary style piece is as much of a visceral, present character as anyone else in the cast and is treated accordingly (but then, like 99.99999% of human beings have seen the entirety of The Office and Parks and Rec, so yall know this already) 

I think part of the way to figuring this all out is to ask why Guillermo wanted to be a vampire in the first place. His answer to this would probably be something along the lines of ‘because they’re cool’ which, you know, valid. That would be a fitting and satisfying answer if, say, I had given it because there was a time when I was about 4-6 years old that I, too, decided I would grow up to be a vampire. Because it was ‘cool’ and aspiring to anything else seemed boring. Again, valid. For someone who has dedicated pretty much ALL of his adult life to apprenticing into vampirism based on a childhood dream that never died? THAT begs a bit more of an in depth reason, I think, to which for now we can only guess. 

I’ll try to make an educated one based on what I believe is going on here, that Guillermo himself is either not aware of or not ready to share with the cameras: I believe his drive to want to become a vampire, given it was based in childhood flights of fancy (and probably some Guillermo-self insert/Armand fanfics, let’s be hONEST) was rooted in a need to feel respected and powerful, at the heart of things. When we first meet Guillermo, and for much of season 1, we see that he’s quiet, subservient, meek, and we learn briefly about how he was bullied in school. I think Guillermo was raised to be this way and use silence/subservience as his only defense mechanism, which may also go a long way to explaining why he’s so reserved. For 10 years, I think it was enough for him to tell himself that everything would be better for him once he became a vampire, he’d have all the things he never had as a human. Respect. Appreciation. Power. Control over his own life.

That said, things have changed quite a bit for Guillermo since season one. While learning that he had Van Helsing blood came as an unpleasant shock, embracing and exploring that side of himself proved that he’s actually kind of a bad ass even without being a vampire. He only ever wielded this power to protect Nandor and others so far, but it is a power nonetheless, this agility and strength that is too great for even VAMPIRES to successfully fight back against. He’s also a smart cookie that knows how to manipulate a situation, something that he’s been using a lot this season too. So, power, then. He has it already. Respect he received from his vampire-hunting group. 

But that still leaves appreciation and, dare I say it, maybe even affection/love. I think there’s a part of Guillermo that wants to feel like he’s accepted and cared for, but even when it’s offered (by groups like his vampire hunting clan, or Celeste’s vampire community lol) he seems to shy away from it going too far, like it’s just too much or ill-fitting coming from people he barely knows. Given that he’s a private, introvert type this makes sense. 

One thing has remained consistent for Guillermo though, across both seasons and episodes, and that’s his seemingly unwavering concern and affection for Nandor. Even in this last ep when he’s unashamedly shucking off duties that don’t fit his job description and maintaining those professional boundaries like a BOSS, he still snaps to and gets to work the moment Nandor is kidnapped. Laszlo’s gone? Meh, who cares, not his jurisdiction. Nandor’s gone!?? Fuck it, he’s getting the keys. A ‘vampire’ offers him the opportunity of a lifetime to become a vampire quickly and live within an accepting community of likeminded people and Nandor told him ‘go for it’? He’s upset that Nandor didn’t fight harder to keep him. 

So now he’s back and Nandor’s making a consistent effort not to abuse Guillermo’s position. This seemed the ideal resolution at the end of ‘Collaboration’, but after a couple of weeks it becomes clear that it wasn’t. For some reason. Guillermo’s no longer satisfied and thinks maybe it’s time to do more with his life. 

I’ll try to sum up the points I’ve made so far into a concise version of where I think Guillermo’s at right now, at least subconsciously; mostly all the things he hoped that turning into a vampire would grant him, have already been granted. He’s learned that he’s strong, smart, capable as is, more than he or anyone else had ever given him credit for. I think it makes sense that his burning need to become a vampire has begun to ebb into a quarter-life crisis of questioning who he really is and what he really wants, because the dream he nursed for so long has turned out to be pretty shallow and maybe not even necessary. He realizes there’s more he could be doing than working tirelessly to an end goal that no longer seems so sweet. 

But that leaves the ‘affection’ and ‘acceptance’ elements dangling in space, held up by his own affection for Nandor that has yet to be really defined. It’s pretty clear that Guillermo is nursing it hard, but what is the nature of it? Even as his sense of loyal devotion to a cause has started to fade, even as his view of Nandor as this unflappable role model has begun to disappear too bc he’s starting to see Nandor for who he really is (a himbo idiot that he can outwit, outmatch without even trying hard) this raw affection still remains. It’s still important that Nandor fights for him. It’s still important that Nandor is safe and protected.  

And, as with the rest of these things I mentioned, I don’t think Guillermo is even really aware of how much he cares about Nandor, how much it drives his actions and thinking, how important that relationship is to him. It’s easier to just sort of...ignore that and pretend it isn’t a factor, that’s Guillermo’s modus operandi when it comes to complicated feelings. 

I think back to that line from season 1, wherein Guillermo’s kind of musing wistfully about how different his life might have been if he’d stayed at Panera Bread/in a stable job with pay and benefits, but then handwaves that all away with ‘The heart wants what it wants’. By this point in the show he was already kind of drifting away from the goal of becoming a vampire (whether he realized it or not). 

The heart wants what it wants indeed, Guillermo, but maybe it’s not really ‘becoming a vampire’. Maybe it’s something else entirely that keeps you tied to this house, this thankless ‘job’. 

At this point, I really cannot say for 100% certain what I think will happen next with Guillermo. This show has proven solid at pulling out unexpected plot twists I wouldn’t have seen coming, but then, I also have been pretty good at predicting where they’re gonna go with things. Like 7/10 lmao. My two theories right now are: 

He’ll become a vampire in the series finale- unwillingly, maybe by accident. This one I think is plausible because it’s a bit of a kick in the pants. It’s the outcome he’s wanted for SO LONG but has just realized maybe it’s not all he can do or wants to do. I could see a situation where, idk, maybe Guillermo expresses to Nandor his thoughts lately about moving on from this and, in an act of stupid desperation, Nandor thinks maybe if he changes him that’ll keep him in his life, so he does it while Guillermo’s asleep and then surprises him when he wakes up...only to find out maybe that wasn’t actually what he wanted anymore, but UH OH what’s done is done. This could provide a lot of tension in the next season, I think. But as it’s a bit of a ‘shocking’ twist type route to go, I can’t be certain this is what they’ll do. Kind of a toss up. 

Guillermo leaves to pursue something else, which the camera crew will follow and document. This is the ‘sensible’/’safe’ route that most scripted shows would take, I think, in this situation...but again, I’m not certain about this one either because Shadows is known for throwing us for a loop and this seems a liiiittle predictable. It’s also very similar to what JUST happened in episode 8 and, were I writing the show, I’d worry it would come across as redundant. Like, maybe we already did this angle and should explore other options to keep the audience on their toes. Also, as much as they love putting Harvey with new casts of characters for episodic stories, I’m not sure they’d transplant him from the main cast for an extended period of time because he’s part of what makes that dynamic run so well. But then, the synopsis of the finale does say that vampires have to ‘survive without Guillermo’ while preparing for an event, so this may happen in some small, episodic measure again.   

Anyway, to wrap this up into a conclusion, I don’t think I’m wrong in predicting that Nandor/Guillermo’s relationship has been set up in such a way as to keep us guessing, sort of a Sam/Diane, will-they-won’t-they type thing that will remain a constant throughout whatever happens next, but will require both characters growing independent of each other in their own respective subplots. At this point, it has always remained consistent that Nandor and Guillermo prioritize each other even when it doesn’t make sense, but I don’t think either of them are ready to realize, accept, and sort through the layers of what they feel for each other. The master/servant dynamic makes that difficult, I’d imagine, so I think inevitably we’ll see the show start to pull them away from that. All I’m saying is, if whatever is going on between them wasn’t VERY complicated it would’ve been resolved as whatever it is a long time ago. Nah, there’s some deep, repressed shit they’re ignoring collectively for whatever reason, and usually that points to something that will, at some point, become romantic. Either way, to understand Guillermo is to keep a close eye on how his dynamic with Nandor grows and changes and I’m, as ever, VERY eager to see how it does. 

[whoslaurapalmer]

finished rereading the raven cycle and you know how last year i said i could be pickier about the raven king but didn’t want to? this year i did want to! 

-i mean, i love the raven cycle. interesting magic, very comfy, would sell my soul for the gangsey.  -but most of this post is gonna be me complaining about the raven king  -the tl;dr of it all is ‘the pacing of the raven king is too fast and too slow at the same time. it’s not that i think it was terrible, but i don’t think it was written as successfully as the previous books. i think, because the pacing of the book is so uneven, that the balance between events, and perhaps the balance between the magic and the characters own inherent internal coming of age power, is off. oh btw i am considering reading call down the hawk but Have Concerns’ 

-noticed the ‘blue is calling gansey from the phone/sewing/cat room and gansey is calling blue from the bathroom-kitchen-laundry’ parallel which i thought was very, very cute. that has my whole heart  -also noticed a lot more of gansey’s whole person just constantly thinking about (or not-thinking about) his death  -BUT THEN THE PROLOGUE TO THE RAVEN KING SMACKED ME IN THE FACE AGAIN HOW COULD I FORGET THAT GANSEY LIKE. LITERALLY KNOWS HE’S GONNA DIE AND THE RAVEN KING IS HIM TRYING MAKE SURE EVERYONE WILL BE OKAY AFTER HE’S DEAD -I CANNOT HANDLE RICHARD CAMPBELL GANSEY THE THIRD MY GOD THIS BOY 

-canNOT overstate how much i really do love gwenllian.  -i love her so much. i love her so much  -same with malory. still love him. 

-okay i guess i appreciated artemus a little more -i think my thing is like. do i have a problem with blue being part tree? no not necessarily. but the pacing in the raven king is so uneven that i think what i dislike is how the reveal happened  -no i don’t know what i’d do differently!!  -every time i disagree with a writing choice in a book i try and think ‘now lulu, as someone with a Literal Degree In Putting Words Together, what would you do differently?’ which is a REALLY good writing exercise but mostly just ends up with me going ‘uhhhh. idk. probably have to backtrack a couple plot points and restart from there. no i will not elaborate.’

-last time i thought the raven king moved too fast and this time i agree but also thought it moved too slow?? -i devoured the first three books every time and then both times i read the raven king i kept putting it down because i thought the pacing was so off, so i was simultaneously interested and not interested in what was going on -too fast re: there were A LOT of characters going on, laumonier and piper and henry and neeve and plot points were just piling up and more like slamming together than converging (piper being laumonier’s daughter and henry’s mother being seondeok especially feel less like pieces falling into place than, oh look! ~a thing!!~), ALSO GOD NOAH NEEDED TO SHOW UP MORE (just like. a smidge more noah. would’ve put a lot together), and the speed of finding glendower/driving back/gansey dying/the epilogue -too slow re: somehow so many things are happening but nothing is happening in some parts, some parts dragged, people are just moving around with no real direct sense of working towards the end, blue and gansey were at lunch while adam and ronan were in cabeswater that one time?????????????  (-not that they can’t get lunch. but they had time to get lunch???????)  -oh i think the four of them maybe felt the most disjointed as a group in this book, which is again not necessarily terrible, but a thing  -and these things are just so disappointing because i thought the pacing of the first three books was so GOOD!! things take their time to happen but HAPPEN and i love that so much!!!!  -i do feel bad criticizing the raven king bc i know maggiestief was going through health problems at the time and it took longer than she wanted to finish. but i am still criticizing it because it’s still a very unsatisfying ending 

-reading this time i felt EVEN MORE FIRMLY that gansey should’ve been glendower, and even went so far as to consider, is the text saying he’s glendower, it’s just not explicitly stated?? because of all the parallels??? of gansey being old and young at the same time, gansey + his own magicians, the parallel between glendower shoving that guy in a tree and gansey wanting to do the same to ronan over the pig, the timelessness of the things gansey loves, the Power of command in his voice, a resurrection in the first place  -and i was going to just say, yeah, it’s there, until i got to noah’s chapter again. -i think noah deserved at least one chapter per book (and maybe more during the raven king) and that would’ve made an already tight plot even tighter, especially in the raven king.  (-i was also thinking that if gansey was glendower then something else would’ve happened when they found him, no i still do not know what) 

-big respect though to maggiestief saying glendower had to either be dead or evil and by that page number there wasn’t enough room for him to be evil -and big respect to the fact that, of course it’s not about teens finding a hero, it’s about teens becoming heroes (these thoughts also pulled from her twitter reread), finding glendower (alive) would never have been narratively good or satisfying  (-especially because it makes sense that glendower was dead all along -- if gwenllian was put to sleep wrong, who’s to say that glendower wasn’t, too?) -BUT, IT ALSO MAKES SENSE IF IT’S GANSEY  -but then you have like. the whole time it wasn’t even glendower. it was noah  -which is why i wanted more noah!!! to better lead to that!!!!!!! cause i feel like that kinda comes out of nowhere!!!!!  -the balance of the magical and the real is just off in the reveal i think  -man i don’t know. this is a lot of words. 

-i also appreciated adam’s character arc better this time, which was really nice. -but i still feel no great attachment to ronan and adam’s relationship  

-you know what. i want more mr. gray and maura -idk if i agree with him leaving henrietta. much like the previous paragraphs and my whole gripe with the raven king, it’s not terrible but i don’t think it’s done well, as well as it could’ve been, as well as the previous books  -also! more adam and persephone would’ve been good 

-i was rereading maggiestief’s tweets where she reread the books and i forget which thread this was in but she picked out one of the ‘character x says something that makes character y reevaluate every single interaction previously’ lines and she was like ‘that’s all these books are’ and i was like ‘YEAH MAGGIE. I FEEL LIKE I SEE THIS LINE EVERY SINGLE SECOND.’ and not necessarily in a good way  -sometimes you can reuse a line and it is a parallel or a connection. sometimes you are just reusing a line over and over. 

-she also mentions writing arguments from a point of, both characters are right, or think they’re right, or as right as they can be or something to that effect  -which i really like, and i absolutely 100% see in her writing  -and so i don’t know if this is just a me thing, because i have this obsessive need to backtrack through even the tiniest disagreements after the fact to calmly figure out where i’m coming from and acknowledge where the other person’s coming from, so while i like that every character comes from a place of ‘i’m right’ i feel like it leads to a lot of arguments left unresolved  -but i think that’s just me feeling like everybody should always talk everything out as much as possible so  -and like resolution doesn’t have to be a big dialogue acknowledgement  -but i still didn’t feel like it left a lot of room for these characters to really work towards change -they do change! but i wanted to see it more 

-oh hey so. did gansey successfully sell of monmouth? did ronan get a diploma anyway? 

-me: ‘thing’ is ultimately a vague, unspecific word and should be used sparingly in a narration, much like ‘interesting’  maggiestief: /flinging out ‘thing’ all the time me: you know what, though???? sure, good for her 

-i like henry. but he’s written terribly, the poor guy comes OUT OF NOWHERE too and should’ve shown up earlier more than his two times in blue lily lily blue, and adam and ronan’s super casual racism towards him is like..................................................................mostly unchallenged and really unnecessary  -if a racist comment is going to remain unchecked and unchallenged by the narrative and the characters, what does it accomplish? -especially because it never ever shows up again or showed up before -and gansey just kind of scoffs it aside and blue doesn’t even really truly call it out which is like, the amount of other things gansey will call out???? the amount of stuff blue will call out??????? AND THEY JUST LET THAT GO?????? -so, again! it’s not necessary!! it does nothing!!! it just adds unchallenged racism that has no place!!!!!!!!!!!!

-also reading this time i felt like maggiestief went out of her way to just not say what race blue was  -that shouldn’t be a thing you just repeatedly dance around and never confirm for your main character 

-so my library still does not have the ebook for call down the hawk but i am vaguely considering buying it to read it but also....................i don’t know -i did read the first eight chapters because they were online and i’m like. Intrigued but also?????? Concerned. idk. idk

-looking at it from a distance i have the same concern with it that i do with king of scars.  -do i think dreamer trilogy is necessary in the way that it explores things that are set up in the raven cycle and have big potential consequences? yes. the hunt for the ‘greywaren’, kavinsky proving that there are other dreamers, trying to make sure a dreamed thing can still exist if something happens to the dreamer, the possibilities and limits of dreamers, ronan trying to dream another cabeswater, ronan’s fear about what’s real and what isn’t/what he dreamed and what he didn’t dream, and maggiestief clearly loving writing ronan and wanting to write more of him -do i think those things are executed well in the dreamer trilogy? from what i’ve read about it, maybe not????  -especially re: ronan and adam’s character arcs????? -which i feel like, stupid and bitchy being picky about. -change and recovery do not happen in straight lines. but i think this kind of cycles back to the way she writes arguments with like, is it too unresolved to the point that no change, either positive or negative, is happening?  -ugggg also makes me worry that i just wasn’t Reading it enough or thinking about it enough  -my additional concern is that maggiestief should’ve maybe had firmer rules for what can and can’t be taken out of a dream  (-yes i suppose that limiting the very nature of a dream goes against the power of ‘the dream’ so it makes sense for it to be limitless BUT i feel like especially the dreaming of people is gonna paint you into a corner if you’re not careful)  -but i am also BIG worried re: the character arcs.  -also where ronan’s character arc is after the raven king, do i think he would do the reveal in mr. impossible?? i...........do not know  -well i didn’t think so AND THEN I READ OPAL which i kind of enjoyed, with reservations, which is mostly back to ‘is no change happening’  (-i love that opal is like, ‘ronan’s inner child’ or whatever it was and i liked her more this time around but last year when i read the raven cycle i was like ‘but what’s the point of taking opal out cause they just kind of shuffle her around?’ now, what was the point of taking opal out if they’re gonna put her back??? and actually almost COMPLETELY IGNORE HER in the short story????? there was so much potential there for her and ronan and it didn’t happen...........) -nightwash kinda just happened too, huh.  (-in general ronan bringing his nightmares back with him is like. God Perfect) -but this all really takes me back to maybe there should’ve been limits on dreaming -also after reading the first eight chapters, i’m like -i 100% respect maggiestief for not wanting to rewrite the raven cycle and not wanting to just write about henrietta, i absolutely do -but it feels so strange to read about ronan and adam and not read about gansey and blue as well?  -which isn’t TERRIBLE, but.  -but when i see like, single lines from or little sections i’m like ‘oh that looks like a good time’ because i do like the way maggiestief writes because a great deal of it is so rhythmically poetic and beautiful, but so is a great deal of the raven king while still being disappointing.  -i feel like i’m just gonna feel about it like how i feel about the raven king honestly -and well king of scars.......

-ANYWAY -might read it. might not. still going back and forth on this a lot. i was leaning towards, i’m gonna do it, but now i’m leaning more towards, i don’t want to, i want to keep the image of these characters where i like them, and right now i am aggressively combing through fanfic because i care a great deal about post-raven king trauma discussion and that’s mostly what i want at the current time

[lethesomething]

Ghost of Tsushima and the Hands of Fate

I see we're still trying to prove that games are an art form by making everyone feel bad.

For the record, Ghost of Tsushima is one of my favourite games in a very long time. It is extremely pretty, the aesthetic and general … polish is *cheff's kiss*. You can pet foxes and backstab people. The fighting mechanic is decent and there are just So Many Hats.

But also, it has the kind of story that pulls you in to the point where you have to drop the controller to hide behind your fingers going 'ohgodno'.

It is an absolute bastard of a game, is what i'm saying.

So let's talk about that, and specifically about Straw Hat Ryuzo and how I feel bad for him.

I am, by the way, going to be talking about the narrative structure of a video game about medieval samurai, so expect like, a bunch of spoilers.

The narrative is one of the big draws in Ghost of Tsushima. Like yes, it's an open world rpg with fighting and flower picking and all the important stuff, and also yes, some of the bits are sloppily written (looking at you, specifically, 'Ending to Norio's Arc'), but the game definitely sets out to Tell a Story.

And because this is a Serious Game that openly bases itself on samurai movies like Kurosawa's, it is a Drama.

In many ways it is an utterly brutal Bildungsroman, a narrative in which a young man finds his identity.

I have joked with friends about the clear intent for this game to make Important Stories, in that it actually tries to tick all the boxes of hotbutton subjects: childhood trauma? Obviously. Gay relationships?  Yup. Survivor's guilt and PTSD? Oh yes. Domestic abuse? Several. Suggested pedophilia? Damn, even that.

The foxes are there to soothe the soul

It's interesting to note that from a writing point of view, this bildungsroman is even Very Classically Structured. It goes so far as to be a three acter, with a pretty standard build-up.

 Jin Sakai, traumatized man that he is, spends the first act slowly getting to grips with the bit where you don't fight an army by yourself by  just walking up to them and challenging them With Honour, like he has been taught his entire life. Instead of getting stabbed repeatedly in the chest and set on fire, he  discovers guerilla warfare and creates this persona of the Ghost, a literal vengeful spirit seeking justice for the island of Tsushima.

It gets him some big wins and in the second act he slowly embraces this identity until things get to a head where he clashes with his entire old life. The third act starts at the hero's lowest point and is utterly gut wrenching (i am Still Not Over the horse, game), forcing him to pull himself together for an ending that is, well…fitting for the narrative. It's an ending that is needed, but perhaps not what Jin deserves.

 But anyway, this is about Ryuzo, and how until that ending, I was very upset about his role.

You see, this story is told in part through the lives of Important Npc's, who contribute to Jin's journey of self-discovery. This is pretty obvious with someone like Yuna, who is the one to introduce him to the Stealth Life and who is a driving force behind the marketing of the Ghost.

Someone like Masako, meanwhile, portrays vengeance and self discipline, but Jin also kinda tries to make her fill the mother-shaped hole in his heart.

Lord Shimura, meanwhile, is an Obvious Father figure but also stands for Jin's past. He's rigid and ineffective, which pushes Jin to further look for alternatives.

Ishikawa, that other mentor figure, is more moderate and flexible, but he also represents a possible unwanted future. He literally warns Jin at one point not to become like him.

Norio, then, is as mentioned not the best written, but he too is a person that searches for his destiny and tries to become like his hero, while only barely holding on to his sanity. 

Kenji, I'm sorry, I love you but you're just comic relief, that's all you do. It's an imporant job in the story, because god does it need it, but you're not teaching Jin anything other than how to make different 'resigned sigh' noises.

So what about Ryuzo? From the very beginning, Ryuzo's story didn't really sit right with me. There's the obvious class issue: he's one of the few important npc's that are poor, and he's an Antagonist.

It has always rubbed me the wrong way that his original intentions were good, depending on how you read it. He's trying to feed his men. He essentially made the decision that this one man's life (even if it is an old friend) is worth the price for the lives of his band of ronin.

It's a lot more complex than that, of course. Ryuzo partly blames Jin for his predicament in life, and he also knows that samurai treat their soldiers as chattel, which the game goes out of its way to show you they DO.

  Essentially, he's a complicated character who makes bad decisions for arguably good reasons.

Ryuzo did everything he could to save the lives of the people he cared about. He went so far as to abandon his honor and his childhood friends, to try to make this happen.

Does that ring any bells?

It kinda clicked for me at the very end of the game.

Jin, being the protag in an assassin game, does a lot of killing. But some of these deaths are given more meaning than others. Some of them are there to make you feel like shit (the Horse Again, but you lose several friends along the way), others serve a more defining purpose.

You see, there's a fair amount of what i'd like to call 'intimate violence' in Ghost of Tsushima. It's an old trope. The 'if someone was gonna kill me, it had to be you' kinda scene that hails from a worldview in which some deaths are better than others, sure, but some deaths are better even than living. It's a worldview in which life itself is less valuable than your legacy. You die for your place in history. For your clan, for your family, for your honor.

Bushido is full of that sort of thing, so it makes sense that a game building on that worldview, would use the heck out of that trope.

  The first is Ryuzo's death. You fight him in a duel, in which he tries to plead for some resolution. You could let him go, come up with some story. But Ryuzo is a traitor, so Jin ultimately defeats him and sends him off in what would be a touching moment of bro friendship if it wasn't for the blood and my 21st century sensibilities.

You grant him a warrior's death, is what I'm saying.

  It happens again with Shimura. The game actually gives you a choice here, but if you go through with it, the scene almost perfectly mirrors Ryuzo's.

You fight in a duel, and Jin tries to get his uncle to just let him go, come to some kind of resolution. But Jin has been branded a traitor, and the only way for Shimura to restore his honour and clan, is to take his life;

This being a game in which you have the power of bamboo strikes and also save games behind you, Jin ultimately wins the duel, and has the option of granting Shimura a warrior's death.

It is utterly heart wrenching and that whole scene has no business being as pretty as it is. The swelling music? The fucking strings? The anguished yell?

Fuck.

  But anyway.

That's about where it clicked with me, that Jin never had a choice.

Ryuzo's whole role wasn't fair, but this is one of those stories where life itself is just not fair at all.

Both him and Shimura are there to show us Jin's path.

  What if, the game says, Jin had listened? What if he'd taken one of several offers the Khan made and surrendered?

What if he'd cooperated?

Well, we see in Graphic Detail what would happen. He would get pushed into doing horrific things. He gets manipulated, again and again, until there is no way out anymore. At some point it becomes clear to him that he's on the wrong side but whenever he tries to devise some plan to turn things around, things go Badly. He's firmly stuck in Khotun's web and the only way out is death.

But what if, the game says, Jin had stayed true to his honour? What if he had listened to his uncle, not defied him, if he had dropped the Ghost before it was too late?  If he'd gone full bushido and repented for the shogun and done all the groveling and the proper stuff.

Samuraihood is just another straightjacket, says Shimura's fate. The tenets are so rigorous you would take your loved ones life, while fucking bawling your eyes out. Shimura knows damn well it's unfair but he also has no way to leave this path. It's a ride he cannot, and will not, get off alive.

  Jin never had a choice.

There was only ever one way for him to go.

Like let's be real: pretty much everyone in this story was dealt a bad hand. It's a narrative about resilience in the face of utter horror, of reinventing yourself and giving up entire structures of faith. People like Masako, Yuna, Norio are finding peace in dealing with huge levels of trauma and regret.

The goal isn't to start a family and live happily ever after, it's to Survive.

Submitting to the mongols would have killed Jin's spirit. Standing tall and rigid as he was taught to do would have, ultimately, killed him as well.

  "I've given up everything to save these people", he says near the end. "And I would do it again."

That's someone who has no regrets.

Jin never could have taken another path and he knows it.

And this is why Ryuzo needed a fate as shitty as his. He fell, so Jin could walk.

I'm sorry, it's still not fair.

This game needs some comfort fic.

[bau-rookie]

a close examination of Hotch and Foyet

in which Hotch’s greatest strength becomes his fatal flaw.

(a/n: super long essay, because i don’t know how else to consume media apparently lol. i’ve been sitting on this since “100″ because it is really sad and I just wanted to make sure I get all my thoughts in order. It is, to my discovery, Aaron Hotchner’s birthday today, so what better way to celebrate than by explaining all the ways the Foyet arc reads like a Greek tragedy and how Hotch is an amazingly well-written character. Sorry the only way I can think about paying tribute is by making myself sad. Oh there’s GIFs too! I made them and that’s neat :D)

I. Ingredients for a Greek tragedy.

Greek tragedies stem from classical plays, usually about the nobility, and is centered around their struggle against the Gods/Fate. The noble character has a hamartia, or a fatal flaw, usually their own arrogance, that brings upon their own downfall.

Technically, Criminal Minds would fall under the category of modern tragedy which focuses more on common people and everyday problems. (Though you could argue that being a BAU profiler isn’t your typical career, which makes our characters noble not by blood, but in spirit.)

In modern tragedy, there is less of an emphasis on the involvement of a higher power or Fate. Every bad thing that happens is of mankind’s own making, and this is something that CM discusses often, that evil isn’t necessarily brought upon by a higher power. It’s brought upon by ordinary people choosing to do terrible things. 

And Foyet is no different. He chose to kill all these people because he wanted to, but his fascination with Hotch and how his plans for him play out, entrap Hotch in a tragedy more Greek in nature.

What Foyet ultimately does is take Hotch’s greatest strength—his stoic resolve to serve justice—and uses it to hold him personally responsible for the death of his ex-wife, all while bending the hand of Fate to his will.

II. Hotch as a noble character.

In “Omnivore” we are introduced to the Reaper and the many ways he tries to exert control and power over his victims. After killing so many times loses its appeal, the Reaper decides to toy with detective Tom Shaunessey by offering him a deal—if you stop hunting me, I will stop hunting them. 

While we sympathize with Shaunessey simply trying to save lives, he does so with the knowledge that he is deliberately letting a serial killer go free. The fear and the guilt eats away at him until his death.

Hotch, on the other hand, quickly establishes himself to be a resolute pursuer of justice. We don’t get to make those decisions. We don’t let them get away with it. He holds onto the idea that they have no right to decide who lives or dies and that the victims that unsubs like the Reaper takes, are not something he, or anyone in his line of work, should feel responsible for. Their sole responsibility is to stop them. 

This isn’t to say that Hotch is unaffected by the increasing number of bodies. When he turns down the deal and the Reaper attacks the bus full of people, he is visibly shaken by this, so much so that we see Hotch cry for the first time. It takes Rossi delivering some tough love to remind him of what’s important.

Look, if you want to end up like Shaunessy, like Gideon, blaming yourself for everything, you go ahead. But that voice in your head—it’s not your conscience. It’s your ego. This isn’t about us, Aaron. It’s about the bad guys. That why we profile them. It’s their fault. We’re just guys doing a job. And when we stop doing it someone else will.

Hotch and the team in general, are faced with constant reminders that they are only human. They are fallible and cannot control every outcome. 

Not everyone can handle the stresses of being a profiler. Despite the horrors, the chance of failing, Hotch’s greatest strength is his stoic resolve. He’s become our beloved Unit Chief, the person on the team who takes on the most pressure, takes it upon himself to, at times, shield the rest of the team from the greater burdens. Personally, he’s arguably also the one who sacrificed the most to have this job, having lost his marriage.

Yet despite the horrors, despite the toll, Hotch shows up for the job anyway. Because he can’t imagine letting the bad guys get away with it.

III. Foyet as a representation of Fate

“The Eye of Providence. A symbol adopted by the U.S. Government with the words: Annuit Coeptis. Latin for “Providence or fate has favored our undertakings.” The Reaper seems to see himself as the personification of Fate.”  — Dr. Spencer Reid, “Omnivore”

From the beginning Foyet is shown to have a flair for theatrics. He leaves markings of the Eye of Providence, writes Fate in blood, calls himself the The Reaper. He has delusions of grandeur and posits himself as a higher power, one who gets to decide the course of other people’s lives. Everyone who has the misfortune of coming into contact with the Reaper, becomes another chess piece in his twisted game of Fate.

In another life, Hotch would never cross paths with Foyet. But because he did, Foyet acts as Fate, bringing down divine intervention in the form of driving Hotch into a tragedy of his own making.

Foyet acting as Fate is, paradoxically, also an argument against the actual existence of Fate. Everything that happens is a result of Foyet’s choices. It is him, a man, and not Fate who is choosing to kill, maim and be cruel.

When it came to Shaunessy, Foyet also emphasized pinning the blame of the death of innocent lives on the failure of law enforcement. It isn’t Fate when there’s something you could do to stop it. Shaunessy took the deal because he felt personally responsible for the possible loss of lives, an outcome that Foyet pretty much predicted, but one that doesn’t really affect him. Shaunessy agrees, he gets off on controlling the police. If he doesn’t, well, he can just keep on killing.

Foyet repeats the deal with Hotch. Offers him the deal, which Hotch refuses then immediately murders 7 people on the bus, setting a chain of cause and effect that makes it seems like Hotch’s actions led to this gruesome outcome. Again, placing the blame personally, on Hotch. And Hotch does blame himself, if momentarily.

Later, once Foyet escapes and corners Hotch in his own apartment, he makes it clear, you should have made a deal. Foyet acts as a vessel for Fate, a vehicle through which the consequences of Hotch’s actions are served. 

Foyet takes it a step further, when he puts Haley and Jack in witness protection. Left all the usual clues, to simply say your wife and child are in danger because you never took the deal. I hold all the cards here, your fate will come for you eventually.

Then Foyet disappears, and waits. Leaving Hotch filled with guilt over endangering his ex-wife and child, at the mercy of Foyet’s arbitration of Fate.

IV. Dominoes and fatal flaws

By the time “100″ rolls around, you’re so captivated by the action happening on screen that it’s easy to overlook how we got there. When I first watched this season, I had assumed that Foyet would be put on the back burner until the end of the season. His quicker-than-expected return seems to be happenstance, the writers behind-the-scenes doing some plot magic, but if you reexamine the events that lead up to “100″ we see Foyet’s greater machinations at play.

On the surface, the preceding episode “Outfoxed” seems to be a straight forward throwback to an earlier case. Faced with a family annihilator, Hotch and Emily visit the original Fox in prison, believing the current unsub might be a copycat. The episode seems to be about the mental toll being a profiler brings, with Emily contending with a sense of disgust at having to get intimate with a serial killer (post-”Lauren” this reads very differently, but I digress). Until right at the end, when they reveal the admirer letters were actually from Foyet, and the one being outfoxed is Hotch.

When the events of “100″ go down, we hear Foyet repeatedly blame Hotch for what happens with Haley, calls out what we see as a noble resolve to instead be Hotch’s fatal flaw. It was the same thing that led Haley to leave him, a failing borne from Hotch’s own ego, the part of him that insists that it be him who catches the bad guys, that it be him who risks it all. And Foyet uses that to his advantage, uses Hotch’s resolve to trick him into thinking that maybe he did cause all of this tragedy to happen.

One small detail that caught my attention, and set me on this Greek tragedy path, is when they try to track down Foyet in “100″, Garcia notes that he had set an internet search alert for the name “Peter Rhea.”

At this point, Foyet was ready to go after Haley and Jack. He already had pictures and surveillance of the U.S. Marshall in charge of them. He could’ve gone and killed them anytime, but that’s not how Foyet operates. He needs Hotch to feel personally responsible for things ending badly. He set the bait with the letters and simply had to wait for Hotch and the team to get close enough, to find Peter Rhea. This is, of course, incredibly risky. The team could catch him before Foyet gets anywhere close to Haley and Jack, but Foyet is sure of himself and is an extensive planner. He made sure he was always two steps ahead.

The irony is that Foyet would never have gone after Haley and Jack if Hotch and the team didn’t get close to tracking him down. There’s an added layer of Spencer figuring out Foyet’s alias using his genius anagram deciphering brain and Garcia’s expert tech analyst skills. Foyet managed to hurt Hotch because this specific BAU team are just too damn good at their jobs.

Foyet set up dominoes that only Aaron Hotchner could tip to fall. He does it so well it almost feels like Fate.

V. The inevitability of fate

“Men heap together the mistakes of their lives and create a monster called destiny.”  — John Hobbes, “Omnivore” closing quote.

A key aspect of Greek tragedy, is that Fate is often the result of divine intervention. They cause certain events to happen in certain ways so as to result in the most tragic outcome, usually death. It’s designed so that the audience is aware of what’s to come, and can see no other way for the story to end. The tragedy is supposed to feel inevitable.

One could argue, that there is no such thing as Fate. Life is simply a sequence of random happenstance, but our need to prescribe meaning to the chaos cobbles up stories of predetermined destinies. Especially when the idea of owning up to our mistakes and their consequences is too much.

All of this was the result of one sick man, George Foyet, choosing to be so cruel. And Hotch was simply a victim of circumstance because if Foyet wasn’t going after Hotch, he’d be going after someone else.

But what are the odds that Hotch’s first case as lead profiler happens to be The Boston Reaper? It was from that moment that Hotch’s fate was really sealed, he and Foyet would be forever intertwined. 

Hotch, being who he is, had inadvertently, made the Reaper personal. Even when his BAU team was sent away, his resolve wouldn’t let the Reaper simply disappear. It led him to build his profile, alone and over many years. Any other person might’ve just let the case go, but not Hotch.

So when Shaunessy died and the Reaper resurfaced, the only person in the world who knows enough about the Reaper to track him down, is Hotch. It’s what leads him to George Foyet, a victim at first glance, and Hotch comes to him unaware that he is promising The Reaper a new, worthy adversary, one a decade in the making. And everything, from his prison escape, to his attack on Hotch in his apartment, plays out exactly as Foyet expects it to, because as much as Hotch can read him, Foyet can read his behavior too.

At the end of 5x03, “Reckoner”, Rossi talks about what could have been when it comes to his childhood sweetheart to Hotch. About how he was too obsessed with his job, with the hunt that he gave up his chance of having a family. Rossi warns Hotch, don’t make my mistakes, kid.

You have a family. When all this is over, what are you gonna do to make sure you’re not a lonely guy wondering why you let the purest thing in your life get away?

My initial reaction was that they were setting up for Hotch to leave the BAU for good. The man who hung on to the job so much that it cost him his marriage, for the first time, actually considers leaving it all behind him. Because what Rossi says to him, driven by the circumstances that Foyet has created, is too profound for him to ignore. Foyet is too big of a thing to just move on from once its over.

Of course, my hopes of Hotch riding off into sunset to live a quieter life and watch his son grow up were optimistic at best. It’s a fantasy that purposely ignores the reality of who Hotch is, simply because I want the alternative to be possible. By the time Haley is buried, and Strauss offers Hotch retirement, we already know what his answer is going to be. Because everything we know about this man can only lead us to one conclusion.

Aaron Hotchner is the man who goes after the bad guys, the man who doesn’t let them get away with it. No matter how much I yell at my screen about how Hotch should just retire and spend all his time with Jack, deep down I knew that was never going to happen. Him losing Haley and still going back to work, seems like the only logical outcome. It’s almost feels inevitable.

VI. Catharsis

The point of tragedy is, according to Aristotle, to achieve catharsis. The purging of emotion through the telling of another person’s suffering. And that’s what “100″ does (unless your heart is made of stone and you somehow did not tear up even once).

Others would say that tragedy is meant to teach us a lesson. Meant to teach us the limits of our mortal abilities, to warn against hubris and arrogance; to remind us that they are higher powers and unseen forces beyond our understanding or control.

Criminal Minds doesn’t try to give us that lesson. Like in so many previous cases, the premise of a crime procedural is really a way of examining human nature. Why do people do bad things? More often than not, though our profilers can figure out how an unsub goes from doing thing A to thing B, they don’t have a satisfying answer for why. 

In Foyet’s case, he does all of this to Hotch because he can, because he enjoys making him suffer. It is evil, unnecessarily cruel. There is no sense to be found in what happened.

But “100″ does not deliver pure tragedy. It ended in the death of Haley but it also provided hope in the survival of Jack. Hotch finally rids the world of Foyet, though the way it went down, you can’t help but wonder about the price of justice, if the cost is too much for this one man to pay. But then the show reminds the audience, that this one man isn’t bearing that cost alone.

Aaron Hotchner has his team, his family, and with their support, a chance to recover from the tragedy that Foyet wrought.

I used to think that, despite being dead, George Foyet still won. He set out to hurt Hotch, and that’s exactly what he did. We’ve only seen Hotch openly cry twice at this point, and they both were directly caused by Foyet. And I suppose that’s still partly true. It’s hard to really tell with our stone-faced unit chief, but it’s hard to see how Foyet wouldn’t linger.

But that victory isn’t absolute. Foyet is gone, and he loses every time Jack gets to spend another day happy and alive. Foyet loses, every time Hotch shows up for the job and doesn’t let another unsub like him get away with it.

And maybe that’s the lesson. That though good doesn’t always triumph over evil, there is a way to move past tragedy. And that path lies not in solitude, in carrying the burden alone, but in the solace of our friends and family who can bear witness to all that we must face.

For all all my waxing poetic about how Hotch is a noble hero, this entire ordeal just shows how human he is. Yet despite his flaws and the tragedy, the core unassailable truth of who he is, the values he represents, remain unchanged.

He is Aaron Hotchner. The guy who hunts down guys like Foyet. The guy who doesn’t let the bad guys get away with it. The guy who, despite everything, managed to save his son. The guy who will keep his promise to the woman he was once married to, to teach their son that love is the most important thing. The guy who makes sure that his son knows that good people do exist.

Aaron Hotchner is the guy who, despite all the hurt, the pain and the loss, chooses to be the hero. And that’s the farthest thing from tragic.

[the-family-fortune]

Earlier today Cali asked me quite possibly the worst thing you CAN ask me

And boy howdy did I have some thoughts. 

idk if ive mentioned it here before or not but I have a lot of feelings about the idea of redemption in psy2. I LIKE the idea that no one is beyond redemption, that people can be good and that we are all, at our core, just hurting. and those are the themes that psychonauts plays with. mental illnesses that are seen as "scary" like the inmates (though the inmates themselves are rarely presented as scary, with maybe the exception of Edgar because he's just. huge.) - bipolar mood swings with inexplicable rage, Edgar's anger issues and sheer strength combined into an intimidating figure, and the stigma of multiple personalities like how Fred acts meek one second and then on the warpath the next when he "switches". All of these oooh scary mental illnesses are literally just people grappling with trauma. Edgar's OCD and the trauma from high school, Fred's... weird genetic memory issues, and Gloria's inner critic and the death of her mother. These things are like, Normal People Problems (sorry fred idk what the fuck is up with u buddy ur on another level all together) and really contextualize the inmates' mental illness in a way that emphasizes the main theme of empathy. 

I intentionally leave Boyd out of this because while the root of his mental illness is schizoaffective paranoia, his ROLE as the Milkman and in fact his entire mindscape is the product of Oleander's hypnosis.

So like, I VIBE WITH THAT, its a really really interesting take on the conversation about mental illness and how these things do not make people inherently bad or scary!!

But I feel like, BASED ON WHAT WE KNOW RIGHT NOW, that the Galochios - or, at the very least, Zalto on his own - fall into a different kind of category.

The Galochios from the start are jealous people. They're jealous of the Aquato's fame and think that they deserve more recognition which in and of itself isn't a bad thing per se - wanting to feel appreciated and recognized and seen is just a basic human desire, I think. But jealousy isnt a mental illness. Jealousy is a natural human emotion that we, as rational and empathetic people, must make the conscious choice to deal with in healthy ways. The Galochios don't, and they let that consume them from the start - where they allow themselves to hate the Aquatos for their fame, where they allow themselves to ostracize Marona, where they drive her out of the family and where they attempt to drag her back, it's not the product of mental illness destroying relationships like someone in Edgar's position might experience, but pure pride and jealousy directed towards the Aquato family.

And like from there its just all downhill

And I could argue that from this point things compound to create a mental landscape that maybe isnt the picture of health in the Galochios, because grief can really, really fuck you up, and regardless of how they acted, losing a daughter or a sister when Marona died, could not have been easy.

But I cannot read "the Galochios crowded around the tank to gleefully watch Lazarus's decapitation" and be like "aw they're just hurting 8(" because mental illness is not synonymous with undue cruelty.

Like the Galochios at every turn are presented with A Choice and by god they're determined to make the wrong one. Whether or not this is motivated by grief or jealousy or whatever doesnt matter, because even when you are mentally ill it is still the bare minimum to not gleefully watch someone you dont like get decapitated, u know?

That is, I think, them consumed by jealousy and hate and seeing nothing wrong with it because it benefits them and hurts people they dont like. Thats. that's not mental illness that's just being an asshole

So while I absoLUTEly vibe with Psychonaut's theme of empathy and compassion and understanding that mental illness isnt bad or scary, and that we're all struggling with something, I think that narrative has two sides to it, and the same way that "we're all struggling with something" lends to the idea that we need to extend compassion to others, the Galochios being so stubbornly cruel as to be irredeemable in the narrative of psychonauts two lends to the equally important theme of "but you can not sacrifice yourself for people who do not WANT help"

Because of the nature of the things the Galochios have done (and perhaps, are still doing, as we move into the secrets behind the RoR and Psy2 narrative) I think that it would take a LOT. A LOT. for the writing to pass off a Galochio redemption in a meaningful and complete way, because of the nature of the choices they make. From what I know about them right now, these are not the actions of people who are... hallucinating grandeur or some greater purpose who believe in some hidden agenda like Boyd. From what I can gather and what we already know about the Galochio backstory, this is just the kind of people they are. 

 Now, taking into account Zalto specifically, I can without a doubt see him having some major psychological damage. Like I said earlier, grief can really, really fuck you up, and Zalto experienced more grief than reasonable, all at once, with the tank accident. He was already not the most stable person. ("But Daisy!" I hear you cry, "Augustus lost his entire family in a year and didn't snap like that!" True but look me in the eye and tell me you think he's coped with it in a healthy manner. Augustus experienced unreasonable amounts of grief and as a result his ten year old thinks he wants him dead.)

So if that turns out to be the case, and we see a level where we actually do deal with that grief in a healthy way (which imo would be very interesting to see the trauma of grief treated the same as mental illness - even though we all experience grief at some point, sooooome of us dont quite take it as well as others, whoops!) we could see the baseline path to a Zalto redemption.

But really it all boils down to responsibility for their actions and how they handle their trauma and the fact that eight Aquatos were murdered does not automatically become sympathetic because Zalto was dealing with grief. I personally, would be really interested to see the Galochios as villains end the game as villains and for that stubbornness and unwillingness to accept empathy or help be shown as their downfall, because irl its incredibly unhealthy and self-destructive to refuse help or refuse to SEEK help when you very clearly know that something is hurting you, and that you are in turn hurting others.

I also REALLY don't want them to be given the Oleander treatment.

As much as I love Oleander, I feel like a lot about his character was mismanaged, and he was turned into comedic relief in RoR.

like. A lot of my thoughts on the psy2 narrative as a whole relies heavily on the li-po document of course but the story that we were given IN psy1 vs the story that we are told in the document are so STARKLY different.

"Oleander wants to take over the world because he's angry at tall people from that time from that time his dad killed his bunny, which traumatized him" is NOT the same as "Oleander spent his formative years FIRMLY BELIEVING that his father saw him as a burden because he was small, thought he was nothing better than pig slop, and witnessed the death of an animal that he had a psychic connection to, after which he spent his entire life attempting to make his father proud only to be rejected by every branch of the military. By the time he was finally a Psychonaut and felt he would be able to make his father proud despite his stature, both of his parents died horribly in a meat grinder accident while he was away training." 

 NOT THE SAME HOLY SHIT.

Oleander had so much POTENTIAL but he was kinda shoehorned into a very two-dimensional role. Idk if it was because of budget or time or what, because the production of psy1 was very..... not great. But its absolutely a SHAME to see such a heartbreaking backstory reduced to "short and angry about it"

And it absolutely cheapens his redemption, too.

The fact that Oleander's story was so heavily pruned COMBINED with the fact that - while it's hinted at in game, its honestly INSANELY difficult to put two and two together imo because of how its presented, Ford outright tells us that Oleander's assignment to whispering Rock was the cause of his mental break (the camp sits on a motherload of psitanium. It makes psychics more psychics, and unstable people more unstable.")

that's never once brought into the resolution of Oleander's character arch and the processing of his trauma and how the psychonauts directly contributed to his deteriorating mental state that led him to try and take over the world because they so deeply misunderstand psitanium but decided to build a kids summer camp training facility on top of it

thats like... early experimentation with nuclear materials before we understood the dangers of radiation. Not to stay topical or anything, but its a clearly dangerous substance that the Psychonauts treat very blase.

But to get back on track there, I really hope that if the Galochios DO receive a redemption arc in psy2, which seems likely given the overarching theme of the games themselves even extending to Loboto of all people... I hope they don't butcher it like they did with Oleander's. Given that they've had five years and a LOT more experience with this genre and its storytelling conventions (plus the fact that they're just excellent storytellers to begin with) I have a cautious optimism that whatever happens with the Galochios it will at least be a satisfying conclusion. (For comparison, Oleander's butchered redemption is still kinda held together by the satisfying conclusion of the game, in which Raz actually becomes a Psychonaut so that isnt to say that psy1 didnt have a satisfying conclusion) 

and at this point im sure you're regretting telling me to talk as much as i want because if there's one thing you ought to know about me by now its that i never shut up about the Galochios and honestly I've had a lot of thoughts about them and the themes of Psychonauts and the general structure of storytelling in the Psychonauts games overall.

As for the Galochio family themselves, I'm fascinated to see exactly who survived and what the power structure of the remaining Galochios is. If Zalto makes the final cut, I want VERY badly to know how he treats his family and if his anger has kinda pervaded what was probably a long time ago a relatively tight knit family. I want to see the individuals involved in this, how far they're each willing to go and where that lies in relation to Zalto. Like everyone has their moral limits, and if Zalto is utterly consumed by his goal to either obliterate the Aquatos or resurrect his family (shudder) his tolerance for atrocities may be much higher than that of his family members, which would automatically sow dissonance within the family when one by one people start deciding this is too much, this is too far, we cant keep doing this.

[santakinard]

Yo, you good after that spn finale or...? Cause like, that shit was wack.

(fair warning this absolutely became SUPER long so buckle up my dudes here’s a rant from someone who finally came back to this show after years (i kept up with it over the years and always wanted to go back but didn’t until the end) and is super pissed. also shout out to all of those who stuck through. y’all the real heroes. anyways, here we go)

THE ABSOLUTE WACKEST

so wacked that when it went to commercial break after Dean died I literally laughed. bc it was SO UPSURD. dean was literally like:

when Sam could’ve just called the ambulance? Like I get it, there’s decapitated bodies on the ground, they’d be suspicious. but like Sam could’ve quickly hid or burnt them as they waited for the ambulance while Dean still could’ve said his goodbye. and like, even if Dean didn’t want Sam to and just him die, he said that there was no time and that he was fading and yet they just? kept talking? and yes i cried bc jensen’s and jared’s acting were beautiful and all. but like? OF ALL OF THE WAYS DEAN HAD DIED IN THE PAST AND COULD’VE STILL IN THE FINALE?? THIS IS HOW HE DIES?? BY A RANDOM GOON FROM A RIDICLOUS MONSTER OF THE WEEK LET ALONE FINAL ‘VILLIAN’ WHO JUST LIKE...ACCIDENTALLY SHOVED HIM AGAINST A HOOK/POLE/WHATEVER THE HELL THAT STUPID THING WAS. LIKE DEAN FREAKING WINCHESTER?? i feel like they were trying to go with a ‘mundane’ ending bc this entire episode was them going back to like s1 without connecting to any plot and just them being two hunters again. (i’ll get to all of that in a sec) but like 1) going the mundane route is a terrible way for him to go unless it was executed extremely well which it was the opposite of. and 2) it was so incredibly anticlimactic and just an entire spit in the face of his character development.

and you know what? even if they still kept his death like that and pretty much else the same, I’d be okay with the ending if they changed just two things 1) brought freaking Cas (and Jack) back since he apparently helped jack create this perfect heaven for dean and everyone else, (i mean bobby literally said that this was the Heaven that he deserved. you cannot convince me that Cas didn’t explain all of this to Bobby and said those exact words that this was the Heaven that Dean deserves). And 2) at least brought the dead characters back when Dean was in Heaven. Instead Dean was like “I could see my dead parents but I’m just going to take a long drive in Baby whichcasmadeformebcheknowsmesowellandlovesmesomuchandwantsmetohavetheperfectheavenbutimnotgonnaackloweledgeanyofit and drive until Sam dies and then I’ll say hi to everyone I lost and been away from a lot longer than I’ve been away from Sam”. Like how beautiful would it have been if we saw Mary and John like we did in the 300th episode? And everyone else they had lost over the years? Like, I know that montage at the end of 15x19 was supposed to be the final ‘honor’ of all of the characters, but this is the finale. And as much as they kept on trying to say that this show was always just about Sam and Dean, it evolved into Sam and Dean and people they’ve cared about over the years. They were important too! Especially Cas. The show literally became Sam, Dean & Cas but he’s just gonna be mentioned twice...okay. Which brings me back to my 1st point. THEY SHOULD”VE BROUGHT CAS BACK IN HEAVEN. like we got a mention with Dean smiling and Bobby giving him a Knowing™ look but besides that, not only did we not see Cas I’m left with so many more questions. Like how did Cas help make Heaven with Jack? Did Jack bring Cas out of the Empty and just didn’t tell the brothers? Or is Cas still in the empty but helping Jack bc he’s just that damn good? But if he did bring Cas back, how did he help Jack create this new Heaven? Does he have god powers now too?? and yet when Bobby mentions this, Dean smiles (granted it was a cute smile bc to me it felt like a sorta ‘that’s my cas’ smile) not questioning the fact that the last he heard Cas was taken by the Empty to never return again and Dean wanted to honor his sacrifice by living (which don’t even get me started on that) and now he helped create Heaven with Jack. Dean doesn’t even look that much surprised. Which actually makes me think...did Dean know that Jack brought Cas back from the Empty this entire time but had to keep it from Sam bc... ✨reasons✨ and that was why he said that about missing them and having to honor their sacrifice and live, even though all of the other times Cas died he went batshit out of his mind? But not this time, bc Dean actually knew that Jack brought him back. omg was Cas the dog this entire time??? with Cas’ newfound powers did he just like morph into the dog so for some reason Sam couldn’t know bc...you know....✨reasons✨ okay i’m getting delirious here. let’s get back on track. my whole point is, Cas should’ve been there. and even if they wanted more of an ambiguous ending for destiel (which don’t even get me started on THAT) they could’ve at least still had Cas be there to also welcome Dean there along with everyone else. Like, as much as I love Bobby, how more beautiful and fitting wouldn’t it have been if Dean saw Cas there who explained everything there before Dean reunites with all of his loved ones? Cas deserved to be there (and Jack while we’re at it). HE FREAKING HELPED CREATE THIS NEW HEAVEN. He deserved to be there. like tbh I was desperately hoping that he’d at least appear in Baby when Dean started driving. BUT NOPE. 

but you know what, back to me wishing we got other important characters in Heaven, if we did I think it would’ve been better if both Sam and Dean died together and reunited with all of them together (which they prob will in canon since Dean ignored them until Sam came back akhsjshjshsjh). like would Eileen be there? which reminds me, speaking of Eileen, WHERE WAS EILEEN?? was she in Heaven this whole time like Bobby was? and who tf was Sam’s rando wife?? UGH. you know how i’d say i’d accept the finale if they just changed it to where Cas (and possibly Jack) was also there along with some of their dead loved ones? i’d prob still be (barely but it would 100% be better than this) but MAN this ENTIRE EP from the beginning was just WACK. like the beginning showing the ‘ordinary life’? i didn’t really mind it that much bc it seemed like that was the natural way to go. but for me personally, I was hoping and wishing that their journey was realizing that it’s not just them anymore and they both end up happy (maybe still hunting) but with their loved one by their sides (especially Cas and Eilleen). but you know, I’m used to not getting what I want and understand that what i want for a story isn’t necessarily the same as the storyteller’s/natural narrative progression. i may hate the the direction and think that it’s a load of crap, but whatever. but this? the entire narrative was OFF. like what even was the point of those weird mime-pires (who btw my sister couldn’t help but compare to clowns 👀.) and not to mention that random lady from like s1? it all felt off but I was hoping it was leading to something. only it lead to Dean’s wack-ass demise. also like, poor freaking Sam. he had to grow old, without his brother and any more family members by his side. which (someone eloquently pointed out) was what s1 Sam wanted but definitely not s15 Sam (not that s1/pre-series Sam wanted his family dead or anything he just wanted to live a normal life and start a family without his family) And we don’t even know who the hell his wife was and how the hell that happened. also, at least he mentioned missing Cas and Jack. but WHAT ABOUT EILEEN?? 

which brings me to one of my main problems with this whack ass finale (and there are PLENTY more I can talk about) their cohesive narrative between this ep and the rest of s15 and even longer, is just...not there? it’s like they forgot about everything they built just so they can go back to the basics of Sam and Dean. and like, I get it, they’re the heart and soul of the show. they’re supernatural. but like, it also grew more than that? like what was the point of them being parental figures to Jack? what was the point of their 12 season friendship/relationship with Cas? what was the point of all of their connections that they made on the way? and you know what? what was the point of this show lasting so damn long if both of Sam and Dean’s character developments just went ✨poof✨? like as someone who just recently came back to the show, I could just think that this was another early season episode but both of them looking older. (not saying that early seasons were bad. i LOVE early seasons but like as a storyteller and a viewer you want your characters to idk GROW and KEEP that growth). 

ANWAYS this became WAY TOO LONG and all over the place and everyone els e is saying all of this too, but I just needed to vent. basically, i’m not doing good from that wack ass finale my friend. sam and dean both deserved to grow old. and Cas deserved to come back (like the show became sam, dean, AND cas, for YEARS like don’t even get me started on THAT bc i could go on and on about how they did him/lgbtq+ community/his fans so dirty) and destiel deserved to be canon dammit (like what was the point of his love confession if they weren’t ever going to mention it? they could’ve still had cas die without that. but since they did it needed WAAAY better resolution dammit) and the finale deserved to have a better freaking cohesive narrative. 

Again, so sorry this became such a long ass rant. But I guess I needed to rant. Also, please no one send me hate for this. These are just my thoughts that I needed to get out. Anyways, how are you doing this this whack finale, Nonnie?? And thank you so much for the question!