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ylangelegy · 3 months ago

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blindsided ꩜ wonwoo x reader.

── .✦ 💌 includes: fem!reader, office worker!wonwoo, alternate universe: office, pining, in denial!wonwoo, lewd thoughts, alcohol, making out, hand job, loss of virginity, praise kink, aftercare.

── .✦ 📟 inspired by THE business proposal scene. we all know which one, but gif attached anyway ♡︎ wc: 2,700

── .✦ 🚏 MDNI. 18+ CONTENT.

(Or: The three times Wonwoo keeps his glasses on, and the one time he doesn't.)

Wonwoo knows he's done for the moment that you walk in for your first day.

Despite his bad eyesight, he's not blind. He can tell when somebody is hot, and you fit that bill. Sue him.

Still, he tries to rationalize. There's not a lot of good-looking people in the company's IT department. That's probably it, he thinks to himself, as you smile warmly and introduce yourself to everyone.

Wonwoo has just been deprived of good views. That's it. That's all.

As you go to do rounds, he tries to focus on troubleshooting the network issue that some higher-up has been complaining about. But then you get to him, expecting his name, and Wonwoo suddenly can't bring himself to care about the DNS check he's supposed to be running.

"Jeon Wonwoo," he says in a perfectly level voice. "Welcome to the company."

Your face lights up. "Oh! I think you're the one who's supposed to be training me on the new systems."

Right. His boss had mentioned this. Something about onboarding the newbies. And Wonwoo had said yes, because that was just the type of person he was.

Fan-fucking-tastic, Wonwoo thinks as he gives you a quick once-over.

He manages to look bored as he does it. Almost scrutinizing. Truthfully, Wonwoo is not-so discreetly checking you out. The crisp white blouse, the tight pencil skirt, the black stockings.

So help him, God.

"Hope you can keep up," Wonwoo says for the lack of better thing to say.

The easy smile on your face remains, like you're unperturbed by Wonwoo's infamously cool demeanor. Somehow, that makes things infinitely worse.

He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose as you leave to meet other people. He tries very, very hard not to watch the way your hips move as you walk away.

You're good, he'll give you that.

Wonwoo, once again, tries to make excuses. One had to be good in this field of work, in this company. You're not an exception; you're supposed to be the norm.

Even as the thought crosses his mind, he knows it's not entirely true.

There's one too many nepotism babies and pushovers who barely survive performance evaluations. But you're good. Eager to learn. Sharp in all the right places.

Wonwoo is a little bit jealous.

He doesn't have time to dwell on it, though, in between training you on the company's cloud service models and hammering out the new machine learning workflows.

And so he keeps his head down, and he points out the bugs in your codes, and he chalks up his initial attraction as a moment of weakness.

That is, until the two of you are last to leave the office on an unassuming Tuesday evening.

The two of you had gotten in to some long-winded debate about the future of AI. Wonwoo is only made acutely aware about how much time has passed when the janitor shuts off the lights, assuming everyone has gone home. You giggle; Wonwoo cracks the smallest of smiles.

As you both emerge from the company building, Wonwoo's glasses fog up.

It's a normal enough occurrence that he shouldn't be annoyed but it's also a little bit embarrassing. He's used to going home late, to being alone when he does this little ritual of his.

He's just about to take off his glasses when you do it for him.

There's nothing much he can do or say as you gently tug the glasses off his face, as you use a corner of your blouse to swipe off the condensation on the lenses. You're saying something— something about this being the most annoying thing about wearing glasses, about knowing the struggle— but Wonwoo can't hear it.

His gaze is fixed on your lithe fingers and the careful way they hold his specs. Something sparks in the back of his head. A thought, unbidden. How those fingers would look so much better wrapped around his—

Jesus. Wonwoo swallows hard as you hold out his glasses back to him.

The look on his face must be odd, because you're suddenly apologetic. "I must have overstepped," you say sheepishly.

Overstepped?

Wonwoo is pretty sure he's the one overstepping. He's the one imagining you bent over his desk, after all, where he'd be more than happy to keep two fingers in your mouth to keep you quiet.

Instead, Wonwoo mumbles "you're good" as he puts his glasses back on just a little too forcefully. The nose pad presses in to his skin and leaves the smallest of marks, but he figures he deserves it with how he's being.

Wonwoo decides that maybe he's just repressed.

He's always been too busy to sleep around, to sleep with anyone, so this is just some twisted form of karmic justice. To have someone so desirable within sight but not within reach.

He asks for Mingyu to start setting him up on dates. His best friend is a little too glad to comply.

Wonwoo goes on about four before giving up.

Because it doesn't matter if he ends the night with a heated kiss or a mouth around his cock. Every single time, with each girl, he can only picture his company's drab cubicles, fingers flying across a keyboard, clicks of heels on a floor. (You, you, you.)

Things only go from bad to worse when the company celebrates its annual Christmas party at some swanky speakeasy. The alcohol is free-flowing, and God knows that Wonwoo needs it— because you're certainly not doing him any favors.

Your dress is a touch too short, and your smile is pretty, and Wonwoo really needs to get his head out of the goddamn gutter. He cannot, should not be fantasizing about what it would be like to drag you in to the alleyway outside, to hitch up your leg around his waist, to finally feel his aching hardness slide in to your—

"Wonwoo?"

He starts. It's a good thing he downed his drink earlier. Otherwise, he might've spilled his cuba libre all over the front of your purple dress.

You're squinting at him, a playful sort of grin on your face. For a moment, he terrified you've read his mind, but then you're slurring out, "Your glass is empty."

"That it is," Wonwoo says dryly. He lets you lead him over to the bar.

As the two of you wait for his drink to be made, you pull the rug out from underneath Wonwoo once again.

It happens so fast. One moment, you're discussing go-to karaoke songs; the next, you're grabbing his spectacles and trying them on for yourself.

They're ill-fitting on you and the frames don't match your face shape. Wonwoo nearly winces when you awkwardly try to adjust them by the temples.

"Your eyesight is a lot worse than I thought," you whine— a whine, my God. Wonwoo wants to die then and there.

When his whiskey sour is served, Wonwoo shoots it back and promptly orders another one.

"How do I look?" you prompt, tilting your head to one side.

For a moment, Wonwoo contemplates telling the truth.

You look like sin, he could say. You look like you'd make the prettiest sounds if your back was up against the door of the bar bathroom, if his hands were feeling you up over your dress, if his mouth was leaving open-mouthed kisses along your throat.

Wonwoo shakes his head. He's definitely not drunk enough to be saying all that.

"Fine," he grumbles. "You look fine."

Once you've had your fun, once his glasses are back on his face and you're off to charm whoever the hell else, he'll wish he could have been a little more truthful.

Here's the thing: For all of Wonwoo's intelligence as the company's go-to IT guy, he's still pretty oblivious where it matters.

He doesn't realize that you don't really give two shits about AI, that you're only staying so late at work for him. He doesn't pick up that your party dress had been purple because he had offhandedly mentioned once that it was his favorite color.

All of those little things only hit him when he finds you standing outside his apartment, looking mildly miffed. "How much longer do I have to flirt with you, Jeon Wonwoo?" you demand.

Oh. Oh.

"Not another day more," Wonwoo promises as he wraps his fingers around your wrist and pulls you in to his flat. He thanks all the higher powers in the universe that Mingyu has decided to buzz off for the night.

Wonwoo's mouth is on yours the moment the door shuts behind you. It's messy, all clashing teeth and warring tongues. The sudden force of it has you reeling back a step.

His fingers find purchase at your hips, right over the very skirt of his wildest fantasies. You tilt your head like you're trying to deepen the kiss— only to have your forehead bump against his glasses.

You make a sound of protest against his mouth and he swears he sees stars.

Without missing a beat, Wonwoo lifts one of his hands just long enough to pull his glasses off. He casts them aside unceremoniously. He'll buy a new pair if he has to.

He's back to kissing you before you can even open your eyes.

By some miracle, the two of you make it to his bedroom.

It's only then that Wonwoo manages to tear himself away from your mouth, looking slightly panicked.

You're pinned underneath him, the top buttons of your blouse already undone. And you're a vision— your hair splayed out underneath you, your chest rising and falling with every heavy breath. Wonwoo has to resist the physical urge to keep making out with you.

"I—" he chokes out. "I haven't—"

Thank God you're smarter than him, because you immediately get what he's trying to say. You prop yourself up by your elbows to look at him. "We don't have to," you say carefully, your fingers curling around his bicep.

"That's the thing." He doesn't even bother to hide how desperate he sounds. "I kind of really fucking want to."

The smile you give him then makes his heart stutter. He resolves to unpack that later.

Right now, he focuses on the way you pull off his slacks, the way you spit in to your palm, the way you dip your hand past his boxers and—

"Holy shit," he exhales, because this is definitely leagues better than his imagination.

You're watching his every reaction as you slide the curve of your palm against him, as your fingers close and squeeze and tug, and it takes absolutely everything in Wonwoo not to flip your positions.

He prays for patience; he prays for grace. He prays that he doesn't finish just from a goddamn handjob.

Once you've deemed him sufficiently hard, the two of you do switch positions. Wonwoo reaches in to his bedside drawer for the condom that's been sitting there for months. (Mingyu, the cheeky bastard, had left it there as a gift. Wonwoo has never been more grateful for his best friend.)

Wonwoo snaps it on with a lot less finesse than he would've wanted. Soon enough, he's hovering over you, his fingers curled in to a white-knuckled grip around his sheets.

"I should probably stretch you out a bit," he whispers, his voice strained with the effort it's taking to keep himself together

But you shake your head, your hands catching in his dark locks as you practically drag him down. "Wonwoo, I swear," you whine. "If you don't fuck me this instant—"

It's not the hands in his hair that does it. Not the bluntness of your words.

It's that stupid, stupid whine.

Wonwoo thrusts in to you without preamble, and the scream catches in your throat as he fills you up.

"Fucking take it, then," he hisses.

Wonwoo was a bit worried that his inexperience would get in the way, but there's one thing he seems to have in common with you: He can be a pretty quick learner, too.

His thrusts are a bit clumsy and erratic, but he figures out what you like based on the sounds that you make, the way that you move.

You arch your hips up whenever he bottoms out. You whimper whenever his balls slap in to the cleft of your ass. And when his fingers finally find your bundles of nerves, you say his name so beautifully.

"Just like that, Wonu," you gasp, rendered incapable of saying his full name. He likes the way it sounds, so he rewards you with another sharp thrust. You babble on, "Fuck, yeah. That's good. You're so fucking good."

Something inside him burns, then. Enough to have him picking up the pace, to have him pressing the calloused pads of his fingers in to every inch of bare skin that he can reach.

You seem to notice his renewed vigor, and the minx that you are— despite the fact you're being fucked stupid— you give him more.

You moan that he's perfect and doing so well and so fucking hot, and his cock only bullies in to you harder with every pretty word.

"I'm not going to last—" Wonwoo warns through gritted teeth, his grip bruising on your hip. "I'm not going to last much longer if you keep talking to me like that."

His fingers are already fumbling; his pace, stuttering. He's not sure how much more praise he can take, but then you have to go and whimper about how badly you've wanted him, just like this—

Wonwoo manages to bottom out just one more time before coming undone.

The feeling of him twitching inside you, of him panting against the side of your neck, has you following not long after. It's absolutely torturous, the way you clamp down on him like you're squeezing him dry.

Wonwoo gathers his bearings enough to pull out. He heaves out a sigh and falls back on to his bed beside you, his own thighs still shaking a bit from all the effort he's exerted.

A beat. Neither of you speak; you're both too busy catching your breath, coming down from your respective highs.

But then you're sitting up, moving, and Wonwoo physically feels his heart drop.

"Where are you going?" he stammers. He can't even bring himself to sound cool about the prospect of this just being a one-time thing.

You put him out of his misery rather swiftly. At the foot of his bed, you pause, take one look at his face, and then soften significantly. Your gentle pat to his ankle is a welcome reprieve.

"We should clean up," you tell him, somehow managing to reassure his unspoken fears. "Where's your bathroom?"

"Ah— first door down the hall."

You don't pull on any of your clothes as you go, so Wonwoo doesn't bother to hide the way he watches you leave.

Once you're out his bedroom door, Wonwoo suddenly feels boneless. He sinks further in to his bed and contemplates how the hell he's going to go about this— whatever this is.

Wonwoo's overthinking is cut short when you bound back in to his room, your hands behind your back. He barely has any time to speak before your lips are on his.

It's a sweet kiss, one that catches him off-guard. He's frozen for only a millisecond before his eyes flutter close and he melts right in to you, his hand resting at the side of your face.

It's not quite the answer that he's looking for, but it's a close thing.

When you peel away, his head rises from his pillow, desperately chasing your mouth. You let out a tinkling sort of laugh before pulling your hands out from behind you— and placing his glasses on for him.

Wonwoo blinks confusedly underneath his lenses.

"Just need to make sure that you can see what you're getting in to," you tease as you push his hair out of his forehead.

He just looks at you for a second. And oh, is he done for.

"Yeah," he breathes. "I see you."

#jeon wonwoo x reader #wonwoo x reader #wonwoo imagines #wonwoo smut #seventeen x reader #svt x reader #seventeen smut #svt smut #seventeen imagines #svt imagines #( wonwoo with glasses. save me. save me wonwoo with glasses )#( pathetic attempt at a 3 + 1 fic. u will be seeing more of that from me btw ... ! )#( listened to sabrina's Juno the whole time i was writing this woooh )#୨ৎ penned by ylangelegy #୨ৎ muse .ᐟ svt

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celticcrossanon · 1 month ago

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BRF Reading - 23rd of November, 2024

This is speculation only

Cards drawn on the 23rd of November, 2024

Question: How is Princess Catherine? (mentally, physically, and emotionally)

Note: This reading was done with all cards in the upright position

Interpretation: Trying to move on, looking for the positive in things

Card One: The Six of Swords

This was my card for Princess Catherine mentally

The Six of Swords is a card of moving on, transitioning from one way of life to another, leaving something behind, loss that propels us forward.

The energy of this card is of someone who is trying to move on from their problems into a better state of mind.

I think that Catherine is trying to move on from an 'I have cancer I need to have treatment for this' focus to a 'looking forward to a brighter future' focus. I feel that she is trying to - not ignore her problems or health issues, but look beyond them and focus on the positives in her life, both immediate and those in the near future (eg I could attend one event last month, can I attend two events this month - that sort of positiveness). It is very much a card of transition, of the slow progress from 'not being able to do anything' to 'being able to do this amount of stuff per week'.

There is also a sense of sadness for the things she has learnt (such as the entire media being willing to ignore her request for privacy and turn her absence into a cruel 'where's wally' game). I feel that the cruelty has hurt her but she is trying to see it as a lesson about how inhumane the media can be and who she can trust to respect her wishes, and then accept it as a lesson learnt and move on, rather than dwelling on it and getting all upset about it. The energy has that sense of being in rocky waters but trying to move forward to pools of peace.

There is a sense of focusing very strongly on the positive as a way of giving herself hope and being able to keep on going, because you know the future will be better than the present, you just have to get there.

There is also a sense here of a plan for the future that includes the lessons she has learnt the past year. The future will not be the same as the past - she can't go back to how things were in the past, she is not the same person as she was then - but she can move forward and create a future that gives her what she wants after this year of realising what is truly important to her (more safety is what I want to write, more security, not physical bodyguards but being able to protect herself and her children from the cruelty of the press and the disrespect of people who think they are entitled to know everything about the Waleses).

Overall, a transition energy - taking the lessons of the past year and what has stood out as the most important values to her in the past year and using those to create a future that she would like to inhabit.

Card Two: The Five of Swords

This was my card for Princess Catherine physically

This is the card of not being able to win for losing, winning the battle but losing the war, and that is the energy that is coming off this card. Physically, she is still weak, and she is frustrated by that weakness. It's a two steps forward one step back progress and I get the feeling that she is tired of this and frustrated by it, she wants to heal faster so she can do everything she wants to do but at the same time she knows that this sort of progress is normal and overall she is doing quite well. It's very much the frustration of a physically active person who know has to basically start from scratch again and slowly build up their strength and their stamina to their pre-illness levels. I feel that it is going to take a long time for Princess Catherine to be back at her pre-illness levels of fitness, and by long time I mean years before she is fully recovered. She will be able to go out and about sooner than that but it will be very draining for her.

The energy of this card is normal frustration with the slow, non-linear progress that is recovering from a major health issue.

Card Three: Justice

This is my card for Princess Catherine emotionally

Justice is the card of legal justice, but also of any sort of justice, accountability, truth being revealed, honesty, integrity, consequences etc.

The energy of this card is one of determination and frustration. Catherine wants justice for something. Not necessarily legal justice but emotional justice. She wants to feel that she has been seen and heard, that her grievances have been addressed, that she has fixed things so this will not happen again in the future. If you know the story in the bible of the widow who kept going to the unjust judge and saying 'give me justice against my adversary', and eventually she got it - it is that sort of energy, a persistent push to see justice done, see the truth come out, see people face the consequences of their actions. I don't know what exactly this is about, but something is pushing her to get emotional justice for it - the satisfaction of seeing the truth come out about people who have hurt you.

I drew a clarifier for this, and what came out was two cards together, the Sun and the High Priestess, both of which have an energy of truth - the Sun shedding its light on the secrets kept by the High Priestess. The energy here is of a push to reveal the truth about things, an energy of 'I am sick of living with lies'. The Sun can also be a card about children - just throwing that out there.

Justice is the card of Libra, and Libra is all about balance, so it could be that Catherine is struggling to keep her emotions from veering up and down all the time, which is perfectly natural when you are recovering from an illness - it does throw your emotions out of wack and it is hard to stay balanced (and eg not get upset when you can't do as much today as you did last week).

Underlying Energy: The Empress

The Empress is a card of nurturing, femininity. creativity, nature, abundance, motherhood, and also a card of robust physical health. This is what Catherine wants, the desire underlying the above reading - to be healthy again, to be able to nurture those around her, to have the energy to create and play and have fun with her family, to be able to give back to others and nurture the wider community by doing this. It is a goal that will take time to achieve but that is her ultimate plan - to return to health so she has the energy to give to those around her, instead of being too tired and drained to be able to do much about it.

There is a minor anxiety here that she has to be ready sooner rather than later, that she is on a deadline? time limit? because what happens if she has to be queen and she is not physically ready to take on that role? So some fretting and worrying about that, which may just be the illness speaking (as in sometimes small things loom large when you are unwell and you fret about them when they are really not that important). I think this is a pressure she is putting on herself rather than anything external - she will be upset with herself if the time comes and she can't immediately step into the role that she wants to fulfil as queen.

Conclusion:

Catherine is in a very normal state for someone who is recovering from a major health issue. She is trying to get out and do things but her body is holding her back. Progress is slow and non-linear, which is frustrating. She is trying to focus on the positive and on the future. She wants to take what she has learnt over this past year and use it to shape a future that she is happy about. Emotionally, she may be a bit all over the place. There is a persistent desire or push for emotional justice of some sort. She is worried about her rate of recovery as she feels it is not fast enough and she doesn't have oodles of time to spend healing as she needs to be ready to be queen when that time comes.

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mirroredmemoriez · 2 months ago

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John Kramer and The Denlon's

Cracks everything in my body. It's time to yap. I keep going on in many posts about the fact John is just as flawed as those he tries to ''better'', so I want to go over one of my main comparisons in a tad more depth than I have before. John Kramer and Jeff Denlon honestly are very similar when it comes to their backstory and need for revenge due to grief. Even though John always states that he tests people so they become grateful for being alive- It's very obvious in some cases, he's doing it for his own type of gratification too. For example, Cecil Adams who caused Jill Tuck to miscarry and then Cecilia Pederson who scammed John. He didn't put these people in traps just because of his philosophy, but because they were also very ''close to home'' for him.

The loss of a child is very integral to both John and Jeff's character. Both of these men crave justice.... However, the way they want it and how they achieve it isn't exactly the most healthy thing. It leads both of them to neglect their partners, Jill and Lynn. (Just took a break to eat leftover spaghetti I am legit lost in the sauce- I don't plan out these little rants I do, so I just go where rambling takes me.) When it comes to the major differences between them, Jeff is more rage fuelled, at least in how he carries himself. His anger manifests more verbally and physically than John- Which is his downfall, alongside him not listening or acting when needed. This is a bit of a reach, but another thought nonetheless and nothing I say needs to be something I'm 100% on anyway. Danica Scott, the only other witness to Dylan's death didn't cause Jeff's son's demise, however her lack of action and fleeing the scene made her someone Jeff would want to take revenge upon anyway.

Amanda, although she had more involvement with Gideon's death, seeing as she was the one to convince Cecil to rob the clinic, didn't take physical action either. However, outside of her just being a drug addict- It is debated whether or not John always knew about her role in Jill Tuck's miscarriage, another reason for her to be tested.

We've also got basic comparisons such as the fact Jill and Lynn are both in the medical field and having mentioned Lynn again? Her demeanour is more like John than anybody else I have brought up in this post I'd say- I can't really word well why I think that, but it's there anyway. (Another thing to add is how in Saw 3, John in his delirious state starts getting confused and thinking Lynn is Jill.)

Might as well slip some others thoughts in here too whilst I'm fucking rambling this much- I don't have too many complex thoughts on Jeff Denlon I guess, I basically seem him as an example within the Saw universe about a person who cannot let go enough that it results in his trauma and vengeance taking over his life and ending it too. He's not a evil or terrible man, just very flawed. He had some of the physically easiest traps in the franchise to complete, but because he never made an effort to heal and instead remained stagnant within his grief... He takes too long to take action and morally flip flops all over the place when it comes to what decision he'll make- It's that or he doesn't assess the long term consequences of things such as never forgiving. I personally don't think he ever has to forgive someone like Timothy Young- However, I do believe he let's it impact his life and those around him too much. Corbett didn't deserve the neglect she faced and she herself is a child grieving her sibling. Grief and forgiveness are very hard topics to navigate, but I honestly as a viewer felt the most bad for Corbett more so than Jeff or even Lynn. Coming back to Lynn, I believe she ''learnt'' the most or at least came to terms with things faster within her trap than Jeff. She didn't have time to dwell or not be fast paced with her choices, because her life was connected to John's. She was doing her best not only to stay alive, but to get back to her family even if it was dysfunctional. (Me when I come back to this in my drafts weeks later, time to attempt to find the wave length I was on whilst doing this before.) It's an interesting though to picture different people in other traps. For example, if Lynn was going through Jeff's test. Would she have reacted faster than him and made clear cut decisions? Could she forgive? Jeff is no medical professional and his rage wouldn't let him care for John to the best of his ability so we know he'd fumble that, which is why I'm more so focused on Lynn in his test. Lynn's grief is more ''subtle'' compared to Jeff's and as an audience it's hard to pinpoint what her thoughts and opinions of those involved with her sons death would've been. She turned to antidepressants and her fractured marriage led her to having an affair, not to mention the child neglect. But when it comes down to it, we don't see as much as a drive for revenge and justice within Lynn as we do Jeff. This would mainly come down to screen time, setting and general context but it's an interesting thought of how she'd handle someone like Danica or Timothy if they were right in front of her.

This is why I say she learnt the most from her test compared to Jeff in his? After everything she went through with Amanda constantly up her ass and power drilling through a guys skull- All Lynn wanted was to reunite with her family. Like, the only time we see Lynn exert full physical violence is in a deleted scene where she attacks Amanda.... And even then that is because she wants the key for her collar more so than a drive to murder the other woman. On all accounts, she actually won that scuffle as well.

But then for example Jeff when he finally encounters John? He just can't help himself! Lynn literally is on the floor bleeding out, reaching for him not to leave and this man just can't NOT go and fulfil his need for vengeance. He'd literally just acted upon it before too by shooting Amanda, though that is more understandable giving the context of the fact she shot Lynn..... I think overall this is why so many people dislike Jeff but they just can't word it? Like he's been dubbed ''slow ass motherfucking Jeff''- But it's not really the speed of execution, it's either the lack of long term critical thinking and or the fact he's indecisive? Jeff doesn't have the weight of a contraption around his neck and or his life truly on the line like his wife.... However, somehow Lynn is still managing her test better than him with a freaky little lesbian on her ass and doing backhouse brain surgery on some random old dude with a fucking power drill. I'll also bring up the fact that like John and Jeff, Mark Hoffman has a pretty similar drive and motive to the both of these men. Just like how Jeff saw his sons death, Mark saw the aftermath of his sisters murder for example. All three of them feel justified in their actions against those who have wronged them and etc....

And as I always bring up in character studies like these, the perceptions from the audience are so interesting- Especially when you start comparing characters. It will come as no surprise when I say, I am a pretty active Tumblr user... Through this? The interactions with media and popularity of characters from Saw on this platform are decently clear. First I'll get it out the way that screen time plays a big role in making characters fan favourites. Although, Adam is a subversion to this as he's only in one movie (alive) and likely the most popular Saw character- Anyway! Using John, Jeff and Mark as examples here still... As previously stated, these three men can be considered quite alike in some aspects! But our perceptions of them are quite different due to how they're presented and what we know about them. John is an older sickly man, his life being cut short by the fact he has terminal cancer. His wife miscarries and later on then becomes ex-wife and then also somewhere down the line he gets scammed by a fake cancer treatment....All in all? Dude's kinda got fucked over. But what I haven't mentioned yet in this brief is the fact that whilst most of this is going on, peepaw is designing elaborate death traps and testing people in them slash indoctrinating some into his fuckass ideology! He as a character get's quite a neutral response and or a 50/50 split? He's Jigsaw, the face of the franchise.... There is a decent amount to discuss in regards to him. However, when it all comes down to it it I wouldn’t say he’s favoured as much as other characters.

Moving to Jeff, he witnessed his own son get killed in a hit and run and the grief and injustice of that basically made him spiral into neglecting himself but also his family. He cannot move forward from the loss of Dylan and this is why during his test he is so slow to act- I think one thing to mention here too, is this is something John likely accounted for. Jeff’s test is designed for him and the challenge isn’t that of " OH CUT YOU ARM” it’s for him to overcome his grief and to choose whether to forgive or let those involved with Dylan’s passing die. It’s easy for us as viewers behind the screen to think that he could’ve done almost everything faster. But we’re not Jeff. It’s shown time and time again mentally he just cannot move on and the only reason he is making progress though the test is due to its nature, average therapy? Jeff just wouldn’t go because he refuses to confront HIMSELF in regards to his own grief and would rather wallow in fantasies of revenge.

Mark Hoffman? Obviously the case I’ll bring up with him is that of his sister's murder. Angelina is his only close relative, with no other mention of Mark’s family in the franchise really. So, when she is killed in a case of domestic violence and he also sees her dead body? Yeah, that’s certainly the kind of thing to fuck someone up mentally. Which is why Mark then developed a drinking problem to cope and started to display more erratic behaviour such as shooting a man three times who’d actually surrendered beforehand…. By the time Seth Baxter his sister's killer is released from prison via a technicality- Mark has no quarrels with taking his revenge via abducting him and placing him in a Jigsaw like trap. However, as we all know, this trap is by no means escapable and is only being used by Mark as a scapegoat to get away with murdering Seth. This act then kickstarts his life as an apprentice for John when he himself is abducted.

(I legit forgot this was in my drafts- Months later. I’ll post this now even if it’s not really complete…)

#jeff denlon #john kramer #lynn denlon #jill tuck #danica scott #amanda young #dylan denlon #corbett denlon #timothy young #mark hoffman #angelina acomb #saw #saw study #character study #saw franchise #saw movies #sawposting

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echantedtoon · 5 months ago

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A Lovers' Circle (Poly Haishira x Reader) Ch3 There's Always A Catch When It's Too Good To Be True...But For The First Time Its Not Unpleasant

(MOST of this will be from Gyomei's p.o.v or p.o.vish. I will be describing surroundings for the readers but keep in minc Gyomei can't actually see what the readers are being described. The performance I had in mind was actually something similar to the song below if anyone wants to listen to it.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=98AqvD-Dvgo&pp=ygUXYXBwbGUgYmxvc3NvbXMgc2hhbWlzZW4%3D )

A number.

Ten Digits across.

You remembered quickly jotting down the ten small numbers of a notepad you thumbled to get out of your purse and shakily wrote everything down he told you with a patient smile on his face.

You must've been out of your mind for doing this. Agreeing to go on a date right after the worst one of your entire life? Maybe you were that desperate? Or maybe it was the charm and gentlemanly way he had been nice to you that charmed you off your feet enough to agree. If he was nice enough to go through the trouble of making sure a total stranger was ok and returning your purse then he couldn't have been that bad. At the most terrible he'll just be a kind but bland personal to date and it won't work out for you both. You'd much rather have it end that way than the last few dates you've forced yourself to go on.

You still remembered what Murata's shocked face looked like when you finally opened up the passenger door and sat your still soaked body down in the seat next to him. Wet, smeared make up still half smudged all over your face from where the rain didn't wash it off, covered in dirt, and looking like a food fight had taken place on your dress.

"Oh my God. ..What happened? Are you ok?!"

You have him the most exhausted deadpanned look ever. "What do you think?"

"I think you look like a doll that was dunked underwater."

"Thanks. You really know how to compliment a girl."

He only shrugged before starting up the car and pulling away from the smiling and waving a hand in the direction of the retreating car. Feeling a shy feeling bubble up in your chest as he faded away from view. Face going a light pink.

"Are you running a fever too? Your face is all red."

"No! Just drive me home please."

The comfort of a warm shower and cozy bed was something else so relieving. Letting yourself forget your worries and allow the mind to dwell away in peace. Unfortunately there was no saving your dress as the stains wouldn't come out, and your heels had permanent water damage to them. Oh well. They were both bought from a cheap second hand store anyways so it's not a big loss.

But the real nerves came from those four small numbers.

The paper accidentally knocked off your bedroom side table and fluttered down on the floor, bumped off when you were cleaning two days later and only noticed when your foot had stepped on top of it. The feeling of paper under your heel caught your attention and found the small note with ten numbers staring up at you.

A phone number.

GYOMEI'S phone number.

The tiny paper in your hands staring up cheerfully at you as you sat on your bed and stared at the digits. Staring. Unsure. And frankly very nervous. What if he was really busy right now? Or what if someone else was already seeing him because you took so long? Or what if you just accidentally wrote down the wrong number in your stressed state? That'd be embarrassing. However the longer you looked at the paper just pinched between your fingers. Even if he gave you his number, it was probably only because he felt bad about what happened to you and wanted to make you feel better. He probably wasn't serious...

But..where was the harm in calling?

At worst you'd just be given a no and you'd be getting a possible friend at least! A shaking breath was sucked in through your mouth as you hesitated slightly before reaching out to the phone near your bed and grabbing it. Your hands trembling as they fumbled for the number accidentally typing in a wrong number and having to fix it at least seven times before you were able to get the correct line up of numbers as on the paper. Taking another five minutes you stared at the screen and hesitated again.. before inhaling a deep breath and pressing the dial button with your thumb. Your eyes watched in slight fear and nervousness as it dialed through. And called.

And rang.

"Th-This was a bad idea."

You were just about to press the end call button when a sudden sound made you freeze up-

"Yes?"

"Oh!" The paper fell from your grip as you barely managed to not drop the phone in shock. Staring at the calling screen with a frown. "Um..." What do you say?! What do you say?! "..Hello?" Nice. You totally nailed that.

There was a deep few chuckles from the other side making you blush in embarrassment and gulp. "Ah. Ms. Y/n, I was just wondering when I'd receive a call from you."

"Haha. Yes. Sorry for taking so long." You gulped again. "I-I hope I didn't call at a bad time. "

"Not at all!," he reassured you kindly, "I just got out of an interview with a potential new employer, so the timing could not be better." Oh thank goodness. "I assume you are calling about the date I proposed for this Saturday."

"Um. Y-Yes! I um-... D-don't really know where you wanted to meet is all?"

"Ah! Of course! Are you aware of Kimetsu University?"

You rose a brow at that. "The local college?" Yes you knew that place. You worked there AND attended classes there. "Of course. Lots of college students live around here."

"Across the street from the entrance is a small coffee shop. If you aren't allergic to caffeine then perhaps you would like to grab a drink with me that afternoon?"

You couldn't help but chuckle at his joke despite the nerves you felt. "I actually know where that is, so that works perfectly! If you don't mind meeting me."

"Og course not. I'm looking forward to this very much. Does noon sound good?"

"Noon sounds perfect! I'll see you then!"

"Of course. I look forward to seeing you."

You thanked him before hanging up and then just flopping down on the bed with a sigh. That took a lot more nerves than you were really expecting but nevertheless it was a good start. A good start but a bad case of nerves. You really didn't want to worry about what would happen within the next three days so you tried to focus on work until then. Putting yourself in autopilot for your classes and at work just cleaning up after little gremlins.

"Hey, Y/n. Did you know anything about the new hires coming in?"

You glanced up at your coworker, arms full of toys to be put away, confused. "Not really. Just that there was a lot of applications and that they need to sort through them all. Why?"

She rolled her eyes before sighing. "I just hope that they don't hire anyone like Stacy again. She was so lazy and ate all the kid's snacks."

Well you didn't disagree. Stacy was only given the job because her grandfather was a high paying staff member and she needed the credits. Except she was an 'online model' and was more interested in taking selfies in the middle of her shifts and helping herself to the snacks for the kids. She didn't last a whole month before being let go. Since then a lot of other people applied for the position and currently your bosses were combing through them all to pick the best one. You just hoped it wasn't someone like Stacy.

Oh if you only knew the surprise that'll occur.

Despite your best efforts to keep a calm distracted mind, you still found yourself very nervous sitting in your bedroom and dressing yourself up in something nice. Yeah. Dressing yourself up when you were going on a date with a blind guy might be overkill since he couldn't tell what you looked like but you still wanted to look nice. He at least deserved a decent looking date unlike what you went through. In the end you just settled on a nice white blouse and a pair of black pants, casual but nice looking, after all it was a coffee shop not a high end restaurant. Then it was out the door and the twenty minute walk towards Kimetsu University.

The day was nice. Warm breezes that rustled through the air and cooled down everyone from the warm sunlight. Meanwhile the sidewalks were full of people of all ages whom walked around enjoying how uncrowded it was with very little cars out making it all the more peaceful. Everyone usually went away on the weekends so that was probably why it was so peaceful right now. Didn't seem like a bad start so far. You hoped it stayed like that. Passing by homes and small random businesses humming a tune to yourself, you eventually got there turning a corner and smelling the upcoming scent of coffee grounds. And-

Ah. Speak of the devil.

And there on the street was just the man you were heading to see.

Gyomei was not an easy man to miss. One would have to be blind themselves in order to miss such a tall man standing just on the edge of the sidewalk, leaned up against the wall to be politely out of peoples' way as they walked up and down the sidewalks to their destinations for the beautiful day. A light worrisome bundle of nerves brewed beneath the heart pounding beneath the surface. Every head tilt towards a fleeting sound of footsteps approaching caused the tiniest bit of hope but then it fizzled right back to worrisome when they were discovered to be not quite right.

No. That was the loud thudding of a large man in working boots. No. Those light taps were too young sounding, probably one of the children that was playing hopscotch up the street had decided to go home. No. Those heels accompanying the sounds of a baby stroller were not right either-

A blink of surprise blank eyes gave when the sounds of a baby, possibly still under a year old, turned up in his direction and giggled in all their innocent delight. That gurgling high pitched giggling only sweet little babies could make. It caused a moment of surprise before a smile accompanied the blind stare that heard the stroller pass by on their way to wherever the mother decided to take them. A small happy feeling in replace of the worry bloomed temporarily.

Until the sounds of what possibly could've been sneakers approached. Hm. Light enough to be a woman's footsteps, and squeaky..So perhaps old sneakers or brand new ones just being broken in. A head turned their direction as they walked from the left side but slowed until coming down to a full stop in front of him. His face tilting. Perhaps someone in awe at the sight of him once more or-

"Hello, Gyomei." The familiarity of the voice caused him to jump in surprise and she quickly held up her hands. "Oh my. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

His face was one of complete surprise for a few seconds before it quickly dispersed into one of happiness and.. relief? With a happy sigh through his nose, a large hand was held up. "No need to apologize. I was just merely caught off guard." He assured her before he used the same arm to gesture towards a nearby doorway. A nearby bell ringing as a man excited with a caramel expressio and walking across the street in front of them all. "Would you like to go inside? It's cooler in there and we can sit and talk."

"Absolutely! That sounds delightful!"

He could literally feel himself starting to sweat, and it wasn't from the warm sun..At least he could use that as an excuse for if she asked. Another silently breath of relief escaped his lungs the moment her footsteps started towards the door with him following behind mindful to not accidentally step of anyone's feet.

That's all he needed. Stepping on his first real date in nearly a year's feet and risking breaking her foot bones. That'd be such a good impression.

Luckily by some miracle that didn't happen and he managed to reach out and push the door inwards before she touched it's handle. "Please allow me."

There was a few seconds in her pause that had him worry perhaps he startled her by suddenly reaching past her- "Now aren't you sweet?" Her happy voice piped up as surprised as it was happy. "Thank you!"

It made a relieved smile appear on his face as her footsteps entered followed slowly by his larger slower strides. He had to duck a fair bit just to not let his head smack against the doorframe but luckily the ceiling wouldn't embarrassingly hit him for being too hard. A tiny bell going off somewhere above him.

Senses were shoved full in activity. From his ears being filled by the sounds of a blender somewhere near but still far, a shuffling of multiple steps against tiled floors, and the murmuring of voices being a few. To his nose inhaling the sweet smells of coffee as to be expected, creamers, and perhaps what was homemade jelly rolls.

"Gyomei, is that you? I haven't seen your face around here for almost two weeks now!," an older man's voice cut through the air and down towards him. "Did you hear about my new weekend sales and decided to come back?" He jested towards him and made him smile in the relieved familiarity of it all.

A hand was held up. "Not today. I'm here for a more.. romantic aspect."

"Oh?" He could hear the interest in the man's voice and didn't need to see in order to know that he must've been looking at the woman who was obviously still next to him. "Ooooohh! I see." He got it now. "A girlfriend huh? I haven't seen you with her before so she must be new-"

"Yes." He didn't mean to be rude and interrupt him but he really didn't want to explain a very....out of ordinary part of his life just when they were only getting their first impressions in. "It has been a while since I have been on an outing with anyone. Perhaps you wouldn't mind taking our orders now?"

Please don't make this awkward for him. Not now. Not when he hasn't even had a chance yet. He'll get to that part he promises just don't make him to be a bad thing.

"But of course! Your usual?"

Another sigh of relief. "Yes please." His head tilted in the direction of the woman next to him with a smile hoping she wouldn't mind actually not looking directly at her as she spoke. "Go ahead and order whatever you'd like. I'll pay."

"Oh no. I can't ask you to do that for me. I'm fine with paying for myself."

He smiled wider. "But you didn't ask. I offered. I would rather pay after everything you experienced last time, to help you make up for it."

"I can afford a small drink. You really don't have to."

"As can I and I insist."

The hesitation was felt greatly in the air. "Well..Alright but just this once."

In the end there was a warm black coffee in his hand, and a much smaller green tea sat in a cute little white teacup in her hands, a just as cute smile on her face as she smiled up at him from the chair she sat in after he pulled it out for her. Once again sensing a round of surprise from her before she called him sweet again, thanked him, and happily sat down with a smile on her face and a nervous smile on his right across from her. The chair he sat in comically small for his height.

"Thank you again for the drink. I wasn't expecting it."

He gave a small chuckle. "Certainly. I did say that I didn't mind."

She gave a small tilt of her head. "So that man knew you." He paused suddenly. Oh no. Was she about to ask him about the awkward talk!? "Do you come here often then?"

...Oh.

"Not all the time." He visibly relaxed himself slowly. "But a lot of the time I'll stop here for the coffee or my friend will ask me to pick up orders here for her. They serve her boyfriend's favorite ohagi and they're often too busy to stop and get it themselves."

"Oh. I've actually made ohagi before. It's one of my favorite recipes!"

Oh right! "That's right. You mentioned that you studied pastry arts didn't you?"

"Yes that's right! But only partially. I'm thinking about changing my major or taking a different course once I graduate from the first course. Maybe it's cliche for a woman like me to say this but I love cooking! I used to bake all the time with my grandmother."

"Does that mean you attend Kimetsu University?" His head tilted at her interested.

"Yes! But most of my courses are online minus the cooking classes I take in person. I actually work there. Do you know the small daycare on campus?" He hummed a yes in response making her continue. "I actually work there."

That caught him by surprise, stopping the cup that nearly made contact with his lips for a sip. His eyes widening and blinking. "The daycare?"

"Uh huh. I help watch the kids while their parents are taking classes. Kimetsu University in the only college I know of that provides childcare for their own students. Why? Is...that a problem?" Her nervous look was only relieved when he slowly smiled widely.

"Not at all." He lowered his cup until it made contact with the table with a small thud. Well, well, well. What a surprising turn of events. "Do you.. like children?"

"I love children! I want to have a family of my own one day but for now I love working in the daycare."

The surprise smacked him hard in the face enough to leave him dumbstruck for a long moment staring at nothing but holding his drink. Blinking he slowly nodded and hummed. He heard that before but he really always had gotten the same answer silently from people who he had been out with whether upfront or implied by tones.

'Yes. I'd love to have children someday...Just not with you.'

It always hurts that knowledge. But at the same time he couldn't really blame someone for their answer when they see him.

"I'm sorry. Was that a bit too much?"

He hummed blinking again. "Ah. No! No no no." She blinked surprised when he nervously held up his hands. "It's wonderful to want to have a family some day, so do I. We have that much in common." Slowly they lowered until they felt the cold feel of the wooden table between them. "Bu-But back to the University. *ahem* What year are you?"

"I'm about to finish up my first semester of college actually. It'll be my second year when the next semester comes. What of you, Mr. Himejima? Do you attend the school?"

"Yes. Are you surprised?"

"A little bit. Are you a professor? I don't think I've ever seen you teach a class, not any I've attended at least."

"Uh?" A professor? Him? A teacher? "Pfft. Haha. No. I'm not a teacher."

Her pretty face scrunched up in a pout. "What's so funny?"

"I mean no disrespect." He chuckled more a few more times holding his chin. "You surprise me. I've never been mistaken for a teacher before however-" He pointed a finger up smiling widely. "-I am studying to become one."

There was now silence from him as he was expecting her to be surprised processing the fact that he cou-

"Oh that's wonderful!" Her hands made a little clap sound as she put them together. "What subject do you wanna teach?"

....

.......

"What?"

"I said what subject do you want to teach? Like maybe art or music- My friend's uncle teaches health classes for a highschool on the other side of the coast."

"N-No. I heard you perfectly fine." The hands were held up again whilst still on the table.. however they slowly lowered once more as his brows furrowed in confusion. "Aren't you.. surprised with the fact that I attend classes? Or that I want to become a teacher?"

"No not really. A lot of people work to become educators. Why would I be surprised if you want to be one?" She brought the cute teacup to her lips.

"Because..I am.."

Blind.

There's no sugar coating around it. He was blind and that's why a lot of people decided that things weren't going to work out between them. A big part of it actually. They're always surprised when they hear he attends classes and actually wants to become a teacher. One woman even accused him of lying and hit him below the belt saying someone like him couldn't possibly become a teacher-

"Now why would I think such a rude thing like that?" Her soft voice cut through his temporary stupor through past memory street and he blinked widely at her direction. "Anyone can study for the career they want. If someone else has told you you can't, then they're the ones who are truly blind."

There was silence.

A very shocked silence as nothing but the usual hustle and bustle of the shop around them continued with people walking around him and going about their business drinking, working, watching the TV that was currently broadcasting the news (something about a famous fashion stylist retiring for good). A long sip was taken from her teacup as he continued to start in utter shock and awe.

She must've noticed his long silence because she opened an eye to peer at him. "Gyomei, are you alright? You're letting your coffee go cold."

"Um..Yes." He slowly nodded. One hand making a couple grab motions in the thin air she watched before finally grabbing his cup once again. "I am just.. surprised is all. I do not get that many positive responses."

"Huh. Well I suppose I should put a break in that cycle." She smiled wider at him. "What course are you taking?"

...A smile slowly spread across his face replacing the surprised feeling from earlier. "I'm working towards a bachelor's degree in a social studies discipline however I'm taking a leap year off before I attempt my final semester to work and save up money to help pay off those student loans."

"Oh! So you're going to be a civics teacher!"

"That's right! You got it right on the first guess!"

He couldn't remember the last time someone actually engaged with him so...normally. He did not once sense a rude, condescending, or doubtful tone. Not a single time. Not when he told her about his experiences during his three years studying and taking classes. Not when he told her his favorite hobbies. Not even when a very obvious turn off for most people was literally staring her right in the face. Or-..Wait. does it still count as staring if the person looking at you was blind? He wasn't sure, but she didn't once point it out of bring it up. If anything he was the one who was thinking about it as a topic.

But-

"Hmhmhm. Did that really happen? You must really love kids."

He told her the embarrassing moment a child had mistaken him as a ghost during a Halloween party and then proceeded to beg him to do cool 'ghost tricks' which was asking him to pick him up while invisible so everyone would think he was flying. The heartbreak on the child's face when he politely explained he wasn't in fact a spirit and couldn't levitate him. Mitsuri had thought it was the most precious thing and always told the story at least once every few months.

Her giggles sent a pitch through his heart beats and a heat lit up his cheeks a pink as he stared far away yet so close. "*ahem* W-Well I-..I guess one such as myself should b-be used to such M-mi-missunderstandings."

"You're so lovable that when a little boy thought you were a ghost, he asked you to make him fly instead of getting scared. That's the cutest thing I've ever heard!"

"Oh g-goodness." He mumbled a hand pressing to his face, it felt hot but his reaction only made her giggle more.

"How sweet.~"

"Y-You are really too kind."

"No. You are. This has been the best date I've ever been on! And I mean that genuinely. I can't remember the last time anyone just wanted to sit down and talk so much, and I can't remember the last person who was so kind to me." He jolted as a soft hand gently grabbed his remaining one. "Thank you."

There was a split second of surprised silence from him. Only one second because quickly his face exploded from a pink to a deep cherry red and his hand pressed further into his face.

"Are you blushing?" He shook his head no- "Yes you are! That's so adorable!"

"Oh..g-goodness. I'm af-fraid you caught me offg-guard."

And her giggles were not helping either. "I'm sorry. That was probably too forward." She slowly let go of his hand leaving him to slowly clench it shut, warm from where she touched him. "But I really do mean it. Thank you. It has been a really good date. The best one I've ever had! Maybe ..you wouldn't mind going on another one soon?"

He cleared his throat before speaking up again, a hopeful tinge to his voice along with surprise. "Another with me? Are you certain?" She hummed yes making him smile again. Her face went surprised as he gestured back towards the door. "Then perhaps this time we can have dinner together?"

"Oh..Oh I'd love that!" Once again her hands clapped together. "I'm free next Friday night actually...Say. Do you like shamisen performances?"

He hummed but nodded. "I have heard the instrument before yes. Why?"

"There's these performers in the University's drama department. They're putting on a free show involving traditional dances and there's this duo who's going to play the shamisen and sing together. I thought maybe we could listen to it together?"

Surprise. She wanted to go to a show. With him. ..His face melted into the softest of smiles. "I would like that very much. It'd be an honor to attend a show with you."

He could practically feel the bright smile on her face as they stood on the sidewalk and spoke good-byes to one another in the warm light. Her holding a hand. One palm big enough to hold both her small ones.

"Would you like me to walk you home?"

She shook her head no. "No it's ok. I only live twenty minutes away. I can handle that part." Her tiny hands gave him a slightly tighter squeeze. "But I appreciate the gesture. I'll see you this Friday?"

"Count on it. I look forward to our next date."

They're next date. HIS second date! He can't remember the last time he actually was on a second date let alone being the one asked to go on said second date. His heart pounded at the prospect of actually going out to a literal dinner and a show as cheesy and cliche as that sounds. She bid him good bye and thanked him for the drink one last time before departing from him waving goodbye to one another even if he couldn't see it himself, only hearing the slow disappearance of her footsteps until they were no more merging into the background noise behind him.

And then there was a ringing noise disturbing the euphoria of his happiness.

And it rang and rang. Snapping him out of his happy stupor and causing him to pat down his body until he fished out a phone from his pocket and held it up to his head. "Hello?"

"HHHeeyy, Big Guy," a man's voice sing songed out of the phone and into his ear.

A sigh escaped him but he smiled nonetheless. "Tengen. Aren't you supposed to be working on a project?"

"Yeah but Suma missed me so it sorta just turned into us ordering in pizza."

"You spoil her whims too often. You know Makio and Hinatsuru are going to be very upset with you when they find out."

"No worries. I'll just pull an all nighter and finish the project in no time!"

"Uh huh. And do tell exactly how many times have they made you do it?" One time with Makio literally standing right behind him with a scowl for four hours until he finished a project.

"..... Don't mock me." He couldn't help but chuckle knowing the man on the other side was pouting. "I didn't call you about my homework! How did the date go? If it's a bust you can totally come over and hang with us. It's been a while since the three of us just had a movie night."

"As tempting as that is, I cannot. I have a second interview tomorrow and need the rest but the date was rather well. She invited me to go to the University's show this Friday."

A pause. "Wait. Seriously?! You're gonna go out again?! Ok. What kind of flashy magic did you pull to do that? I can't even Sanemi to pose for me."

"You've asked him to pose shirtless for you. Of course he's going to be flustered."

"Oh like we all haven't already seen him shirtless before at the dam pool! He just doesn't want to sit still so I can paint his pretty face. But seriously? You're really going out again? With the same girl?'

"Yes. She's actually rather polite."

"Dam, Dude! See? Kanae was right when she said you'd find the right one eventually."

"I suppose so..We still need to get to know one another better."

Another pause. "..Oh..So like you haven't told her about the whole-"

"Not yet. That's not really a first date conversation topic."

"Shit man. When are you going to say something?"

"I want to see how the second date goes and depending on the outcome, I'll tell her after dinner. Do not worry about me. I have enough of that for myself to do."

He was frightened for sure. A long time to be frightened when you have a to wait nearly six days for his next date. Perhaps it was because he was fearing that deep down she was only being nice to let him down gently or doing it as some way to repay him for the help he gave her back at the restaurant nearly two weeks ago now. He felt so bad for her when that sorry excuse of a man had the gull to pull such disgusting actions towards her.

She had been very polite up to the point that he nearly shoved her out of her own chair. He remembered feeling the back of her chair literally being shoved back into his when he pushed everything forward only to turn around and vomit all over the floors. The sounds enough alone were able to draw a few tears from his eyes. Those poor employees. The poor owner. The poor people having to witness everything.

But most of all poor her. No kind woman should be treated like that.

Call him a bit of a romantic type, but he did take a bit of a gamble offering to take her out. He was surprised when she agreed to it and the end result couldn't have been happier. And more worried. Did he come on too strong? Did he make her feel forced in order to pay him back?

"You're overthinking everything, Mei." The black haired man leaning against his right side all cuddled up had bluntly told him, one hand holding up a treat to a pretty white snake. "Just relax and don't let those thoughts make you feel bad."

"I just do not know. What if she finds me to be..How do you say? Not to her liking?"

"Who wouldn't like you?" A woman with pretty pink eyes and butterflies pinned in her hair stuffed a nice warm drink into his hands. "You're respectful and smart and incredibly thoughtful! If she's the one who asked you for another date then you've made a really good impression!"

"Hm. I suppose so." The warm cup did little to ease the cold lump of worry and guilt sitting in his stomach.

He didn't even call her to know what time to meet up or where to meet. That was stupid on his part. It was just a gamble of waiting for her by the entrance to the University and just standing there unable to hear her footsteps amongst the throngs of others in the late afternoon and hoping she didn't want to meet up somewhere else. By now the sun was about twenty minutes away from starting to set and someone had giving a tug on his sleeve.

"Are you sure you don't want to come inside and wait with us?"

"Yeah! The performance is going to be flamboyant I heard. You can sit by me and let Suma sit on your shoulders."

He held up a hand. "No. I'd better not. It would be wrong of me to interrupt you fours' date night and it would be much to rude to just turn it into a double date without asking her. You go enjoy your night and I'll see you all later."

The familiar touch and voices left, leaving him there standing by himself and once again lost in the sea of sounds unable to decipher the one who'd might not even come tonight-

"Gyomei!" He jumped. Tilting his head to the right wide eyed as a smaller figure yelled up at him with a smile. "I knew it was you! I'm so sorry I'm late. I had to help my mother with some errands and lost track of time. "

He could hardly believe it. She was here. She was actually here. A wide grin peered down to her. "No need to apologize. I'm just glad you made it in time. S-Shall we go inside and get seated?"

He was once again taken by surprise when she wrapped an arm around his and nodded. "Absolutely! I was looking forward to this all week!"

It was one small tug that nearly made him trip with a stumble but he could've sworn her grip felt like a hundred horses pulling him along. Almost falling into people as he allowed himself to be clung onto by the arm like an actual couple. It sent a shock of surprise on his face and a smile to his face.

"You must be very excited to see this," he noted.

"I'm more excited to see what you think of the music!"

"Haha! I'm sure it'll be beautiful."

They had ended up taking seats in the very back at his insistence to avoid him awkwardly blocking the view of anyone wanting to see the show with his unusual height. He wasn't sure how many people were exactly in the University's theater with them, but with the wave of voices and footsteps around him he could guess it was quite a bit. The steps were stilled and the voices slowing to quiet as the first few beats of a drum were played, and the echoes of dancing long since passed down were summoned.

"Did you like the performance?"

"I did. That singer is a very talented woman. I would not be surprised if she became a famous singer when she graduated."

"Well we can brag that we liked her music before she was famous."

The soft glows of the street lights and the lights from buildings casted onto the streets as the stars and moon shown just as bright in the skies above. He smiled down in the direction of the woman's voice, walking uncharacteristically slower as to not accidentally rush her into trying to keep up with his strides. A grasp on his left arm reminded him of that task. She hadn't left even after the show ended. Holding his hand in a way that had his normally calm face a pink.

"So do you still want to have dinner with me?"

"I'd still love to have dinner with you! Where did you want to go? This time I'll buy something for you."

"Heh. You don't have to."

"Well I want to! You paid for my last two meals, I'm paying for this one to make up for it. Just pick wherever you want to go!"

"Well..There is a nice little cafe just a street down from us if you don't mind that."

"That sounds great actually. I don't mind at all."

She might not mind now but what would she think when or if he told her after? He felt that oozing feeling again. The guilty one that clawed the inside of his stomach and leaking into his conscious as he lead her to the tiny establishment of foods and smelling the familiar mouth watering dinners. Didn't sound like too many people were around them tonight which was both a comfort and a relief. The feeling still didn't go away when he forced himself to sit down and smile through the awkward ordering of a random cheap sandwich from the waitress. And certainly it didn't go away when he was brought back out of his own thoughts.

"Gyomei?"

"Huh?" He blinked not able to see the confused look on the woman's face.

"I asked what you do for work. Are you ok? You seem distracted."

"O-Oh. Yes. I am fine." A lie. He knew he looked nervous and guilty and possibly was sweating. "I-I work at the nearby shelter but currently I'm looking for a different job."

"..Are you sure you're alright? You're acting nervous when you were alright just a few minutes ago. Is something..wrong?"

Did she do something wrong?

"N-No! I mean yes! Yes as in I'm perfectly fine but no nothing's wrong. I'm just..well there's something that has been bothering me. Im just not sure what you're reaction would be if I told you."

"Oh. Was it something I said?"

"Nonononono!" He quickly held up his hands and clarified in a panic. "You did nothing wrong I swear! It has nothing to do with you even! I'm just-..Well I mean to say.." He sighed. Long and hard through his nose defeated. Head hung in the knowing embarrassment and the hate that'll always come from it. This was eventually going to happen anyways so might as well get the heartbreaking rejection over with. "The truth is that you see.." He couldn't even steer his head in her direction as he uttered the next words. "I am..s-seeing other people."

There was quiet between them for a moment as she blinked.

"Oh. Well that's perfectly fine. I mean this is only our second date and we aren't in a relationship. Going on dates with other people isn't really anything new."

"No. You misunderstood what I meant. I didn't mean I'm 'seeing other people ' as in going on dates. I meant I'm seeing other people as in I am romantically involved with them." Again there was silence as he felt the eyes staring at him from across the table. "I-I don't mean that I'm cheating or have multiple affairs going on! Please don't think I'm such a man who'd stoop to such terrible things!" He quickly said. "It's just that...I am.."

Here it comes. Again another bout of screaming calling him disgusting or abnormal. Or rejection In the worst way calling him some name like cheater or player. Maybe even a slap across the face as she stormed out and away never to be seen again.

"*sigh* I am polyamourus. My partners are as well, however I do not have an actual significant other and due to other factors you can clearly see that has made my dating life very how you say... impractical and difficult for a lot of people when I first tell them."

There was more silence. And more silence. And more silence. So much silence that he thought she already had snuck away and left him there-

"Oh...Well it's definitely not the worst thing someone's told me on a date."

...He blinked. And blinked again. Slowly processing her words. "What?"

"Uh huh. Someone telling me they're poly is actually pretty normal compared to what happened to me two weeks ago."

"You mean-? I-" He pointed at her. "You're not disgusted or at the very least put off?"

"Well let's see. You didn't scream at me, get drunk, surprise me with scams or that you were actually married with a baby, certainly didn't ghost me, and out of everyone else I've ever dated actually treated me with respect. Hm...So where is the thing that I'm supposed to be disgusted by?"

"The part where I am seeing other people as we sit here?"

"Well let's see again. Do they know you're going out with people?"

"Of course."

"And are they ok with that?"

"Perfectly."

"And is your relationships with those other people consenting and mutual?"

"I wouldn't be in said relationships if we weren't."

"Then I see no problem with it. You've been very open and honest with me about it instead of trying to hide it so I don't see anything wrong with it. In fact I'm more flattered you chose to tell me."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. So casually. So polite. So...unphased by it all.

"So you're not surprised by it at all?"

"Oh no. I definitely am surprised but when you have so many bad experiences like I have, this really isn't a bad surprise. A surprise definitely but not a bad one."

He couldn't stop staring. He couldn't believe it.

"So how many partners do you have?"

"I-..E-Eleven?"

"Oh my. That's quite a few people."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Not really. I'd like to meet them sometime."

Gyomei.exe has stopped working.

He slowly blinked. So slowly he could've been mistaken as a robot as he stared widely. Processing the words from her lips. "You..want to..meet them?"

"I'd love to meet them one day! If you care about them then they must be very wonderful people."

Gyomei did not move. Did not speak. Only staring in awed surprised blankly at the smiling woman in front of him. The silence kept up the more he sat there until he held up a hand.

"Actually I think I can arrange that. Do you mind if I go place a call very quickly?"

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lucysarah-c · 4 months ago

Text

~ Holy Ground ch. 2: We were both young when I first saw you.~

Summary:

"Alright, get comfortable because this is going to be a long, crappy tale. Join me as we travel down memory lane, back when Erwin wasn't yet a commander, when Mike and Nanaba couldn't keep their hands off each other, when Hange was… well, Hange. And Levi? Well, Levi was a twenty-four-year-old man who didn't give a damn about the rules. Are you ready?"

Warnings: This story contains age gaps, time period misogyny and mentions of homophobia, strong and offensive language, underage sex, alcohol, smoking, implied/referenced of drug use. This is a very slow burn so everyhthing takes a while to happen. Explicit sex content. Virginity, loss of virginity, cheating, mentions of cheating, pregnancy but no by the main character, consensual sex, consensual underage sex, underage kissing.

Pairing: Levi x Reader x Erwin. Levi x Reader are end game. (this is not eruri). This story takes place after ACWNR but BEFORE season 1.

-> Masterlist to all the chapters! <-

I won't begin this tale like everyone else, saying, "I will never forget the first time I saw you." That's because I can't recall the exact first time I saw him. However, I do remember the first time I noticed him, and there's a difference between those two actions. Anyway, at first, it wasn't me who noticed him. It was someone else who forced me to search for him in a crowded room.

I was sitting in the mess hall after breakfast with Nanaba. If I remember correctly, we were discussing whether it's acceptable to make out with a guy on the first date. Nanaba, who was in a not-so-secret relationship with Mike at the time, was arguing that you should leave a man wanting more so that he'll come crawling back to you. But let's not dwell on that. What happened next is what we should focus on.

We were both seventeen, such an age to be alive! We weren't cadets, but we weren't superiors either. It was a mix in between that sometimes I wish I could go back to. However, there was a cadet, a young fifteen-year-old girl who joined the Scouts a few months after Levi did, along with the rest of the new cadets. If there was a fan club for Levi, Petra would have been a founding member. Even I, his girlfriend, don't think I worshiped him as much as Petra did. She sat down next to us, sighing loudly and staring dreamily at the ceiling.

"Isn't he perfect?" Petra exclaimed with the voice only a fifteen-year-old girl in love could muster.

"Perfectly short, if you ask me," Nanaba commented, and we chuckled together. "No offense, but Levi is far from perfect for me. On the other hand, Mike is perfect in a human body!"

"With that sorry excuse for a beard? I don't think so," I replied to the tallest woman in our group. "Girls, let's be honest, neither of them comes close to being a perfect man."

"Oh, you two are so mean! (Y/N), did you see him? Isn't he amazing?" Petra questioned, looking into my eyes, searching for an answer to a question she had asked the night before in our shared room.

The night before that morning, Petra had been worshipping Levi so much, and Nanaba had been trying so hard to bring her back down to earth that they asked me what I thought about him. Nanaba knew Levi because he was usually with Erwin, who was usually with Mike, and Mike was usually with her. But for me? The day Levi and his friends were introduced, I had the flu, so I couldn't be there for his "amazing speech."

I had told them that I had never really paid attention to him. He was like a background person in my life at the Scouts' campus. I’d promised them that the next morning, I would make an effort to pay attention to him during breakfast. So, I did. And now I can tell you that the way you look at a person when you're in love is absolutely different from the way you do when you're not in love.

As I mentioned earlier, I remember that morning, the first time I noticed him. His straight, ebony hair flowed in the air. Back then, he used to wear it slightly to the side more often than he does now. Levi never really had a completely middle-parted hair look, but when he was younger, it was more to the side... and he had more hair, but don't tell him that. He was short, too short for a man, but I figured Petra was shorter, so it wasn't much of a problem (she was even a bit taller than me).

What caught my attention was his porcelain pale skin, as if the sun had never touched him (well, I mean, there probably wasn't much sun to soak up underground). I wished I had his skin. His face wasn't the most masculine, but it wasn't feminine either—a perfect middle ground. I suppose some girls are into that. His eyes were sharp and light, but I couldn't discern the specific color from a distance.

I was in the mess hall as he made his way through. Were they blue or grey? Anyway, he was buffed; you could tell by the width of his shoulders (he used to be skinnier than he is now, probably because he didn't eat as well in the underground). I would have continued observing him if he hadn't turned around and locked his dead eyes with mine. Returning to my conversation with my comrades:

"I did indeed," I replied to Petra, and her eyes shone with expectation. "Let me summarize my thoughts: he's not my cup of tea, but if he's yours, go and talk to him. You have nothing to lose by asking."

"Oh, I could never do such a thing! He doesn't like to be bothered," the younger girl of our group said, her cheeks blushing.

"In my opinion, he doesn't like anything. He always has this face that says 'I'm too good for all of you,'" Nanaba said, attempting to imitate Levi's expression, which made me laugh.

I often wonder how things would have turned out if Petra had gone and talked to him. He wasn't my "type," so to speak, and probably would have never been if things hadn't taken the course they did. Life is a whimsical, bratty thing, and I was about to learn that.

Perhaps you didn't have to go through this because your arrival at the Scouts was a bit out of the ordinary, but the training process for cadets is somewhat different. After being part of the Legion for almost two years (like Nanaba and I back then) and just after the new recruits arrived, the one-year training to become a superior began. It involved both physical and theoretical practices. It taught you how to work with a partner and solve the situations you would encounter. Being a superior involved a lot of teamwork, which is why there were two exams: a midterm to assess progress just before the winter break, and a final exam. It probably won't surprise you if I say that Nanaba and I were going to be a team.

Later that day, after our regular instructions, we sat down in the training area, waiting for a superior to call us. I had our forms ready to be handed to my squad leader. Back then, Erwin was my squad leader. He wasn't the commander yet, but his rise was imminent. Nanaba and I were waiting like the rest of the cadets.

"Hey, beauty, your boyfriend is looking for you," Gellar said, approaching us and pointing with his thumb towards the building behind him.

"He's not my boyfriend," I replied wearily, shaking my head, and my long hair swayed.

My blond friend chuckled at my response, and Gellar rolled his eyes. I stood up and walked toward the office of a certain blondie we all know. It used to annoy me to no end that people couldn't stop spreading that silly rumor. "I'm not Erwin's girl! ...yet, at least," I thought back then, little did I know it would never happen.

I strolled through the corridors with the papers tucked under my arm and held my head high, proud to be known as one of the prettiest girls in the Legion. I made a quick stop at the bathroom to check my appearance, making sure my eyes weren't puffy. I pinched my lips and cheeks slightly, giving them a reddish tint. Erwin was at a promising point in his career. He was handsome, young, and smart—everything I could ask for in a man. And I was everything he wanted in a girl… or so he’d said. Sometimes it felt like he truly meant it and others it felt like it was just the silly rumor that people whispered in the corridors. He hated the gossip, he insisted that was the reason it wasn’t official yet. Because it would overshadow his and my promotion. I understood… or so I faked that I did.

Perhaps I was young, but I wasn't naive. I knew how men looked at you when they desired you. And Erwin always seemed to find something in my hair to touch or would run his hand through it. He had a delicate way of saying that my teas were the best around and that's why he always asked me to make them for him. Yes, I was young, but I wasn't foolish.

Innocent little me. You truly think you have everything figured out at 17, you think you know everything. I thought I was smart, sometimes perhaps too much for my own good. Erwin, dear, you make me look so naive.

"Wait! You and the Commander were a thing?!" The entire Levi's squad screamed, causing me to pause my narration. "This is the juiciest rumor I've ever heard!" Sasha yelled so loudly that I'm sure the entire Legion heard her. "Well, as I mentioned, we never became anything in the end. Besides, our flirting died a long time ago, and now we're really good friends," I replied honestly because it's true. There's nothing more than respect and friendship between Erwin and me these days. But my answer doesn't seem to convince them, and once again, Eren is the first to throw another question. "Does the Captain know about this?" he asked, suspicion evident in his voice. "Of course he does! And believe me, he couldn't care less," I replied, amused. But I wonder, is that really true? I mean, if I were to tell Levi, 'Hey, I'm going to stay in Erwin's room because it's bigger and tidier than Hange's,' would he respond with 'Yeah, sure, no problem! Have fun!'? Who am I kidding? Levi would kill both Erwin and me in the process. "Anyway, this doesn't have a place in this tale, so let's get back to the story," I clarified before they could ask another tricky question.

I knocked on the door with my free hand, while the other one held the forms. That deep, manly voice that I knew so well replied with a simple "Name and business."

"Cadet (L/N) (Y/N)! I was called to come here to deliver my form," I said clearly.

I waited for the response, and once I received it, I entered. There he was, the young and ambitious man that everyone in the military was talking about. Erwin finished signing some paperwork and looked up, meeting my gaze with his big, deep blue eyes. He smiled slightly at me, and of course, I smiled back.

"I was waiting for you, (Y/N)," the blond man said. 'Of course you were,' I thought. "There are some details that we need to discuss. Please have a seat."

So, I did. I walked over to the deep green leather tufted office chair right in front of his desk. I sat down and placed the papers on my lap.

"Would you like some tea?" he asked politely as he got up to serve it, knowing well that I never turned down a good cup of tea.

"Yes, please," I replied, following him with my eyes and offering a slight smile. I attempted to get up from my seat and serve the tea myself, but Erwin stopped me with a hand gesture. Superiors always had more privileges than recruits, and Erwin was no exception.

The single cup of black tea in that office was all I needed—a stronger and tastier flavor than only a good-quality tea could offer. I had always been a smart girl, perhaps too smart for some people's tastes, but I believed it was one of the main reasons Erwin had chosen me. After a few occasions, I noticed that the tea he drank when he was alone wasn't as good as the one he poured when it was for me. There was a slight, uncomfortable silence as we both took the first sip. Right after that, I picked up my papers and placed them on his desk.

"I have already filled in my forms, sir," I said, tucking my hair behind my ear. But what he did next caught me completely off guard. Erwin took the papers and placed them somewhere under his desk.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," he said, intertwining his fingers. "You see, (Y/N), I have been re-reading your academic reports from your training years, and they point out your outstanding performance in teamwork and your ability to naturally encourage cooperation among the practice sessions."

"Thank you?" I replied, uttering the first thing that came to my mind. I didn't know where he was going with all this. I took another sip of my tea.

"Have you ever talked to Levi? He's quite new," he said, adding, "He may not be the most talkative guy around here, but his performance with the 3DMG is outstanding."

'Mr. Grumpy? Of course, I know who he is,' I thought, and the fact that Erwin used the word "outstanding" twice, referring to both of us. I didn't like where this was going. Suddenly, the tea, the office, and the day didn't seem as pleasant anymore.

"Wait! Mr. Grumpy? Seriously?!" Connie exclaims, while the rest of them try to control their laughter. "Yes, that was his nickname among my close friends for a long time. Sometimes, when I want to annoy him, I bring it back for a couple of hours," I reply with a tender smile on my face. 'Yeah, we used to have silly nicknames for each other… when we used to talk,'

"I have never talked to him, but I don't doubt his capabilities since you personally chose him," I tried to give a neutral answer. I was so nervous that I couldn't take another sip of my tea. What a waste.

"I have been thinking that someone with your good reputation and patience could be a good partner for Levi. He may not have gone through regular training, but the commander and I think it would be beneficial for him to undergo the same training as the other cadets," Erwin's eyes seemed to penetrate my soul as he explained this to me. Did I mention that I didn't like where this was going?

"Um, excuse me, sir. But I already have a partner. Nanaba and I get along, and I think our performance would be splendid," I said, trying to evade his gaze. 'How can I refuse him without disrespecting him? ' My mind raced, desperately seeking possible replies, and I could feel a headache coming on.

"Don't worry about her; Mike has already found her a recruit. I believe pairing my two best cadets to work together would be a step forward for my plan for the Scouts, don't you think?" he said, and I wished I hadn't woken up that day.

'Save your dirty little compliments for later. Your best cadets? Fuck you, Erwin Smith! If this is what your best cadet looks like, then I think I'm failing my next exams,' I wanted to tell him to go to hell so badly, but I knew my position didn't allow it.

Despite all my attempts to change his mind, the blond man pulled out a form that was already halfway filled and placed it in front of me. Then he put a black ink pen beside it, and I felt like crying.

"He said he would be looking forward to working with you," Erwin declared with his perfect smile, knowing he had won the argument. That arrogant smile just made me want to punch him. ‘I adore you but I hate you,’ Perhaps it was the delicate state our relationship was in, that I wasted to make him happy not only as my superior but also as my “situationship” that forced me to agree without further complaints. Perhaps Erwin knew himself that I would have done anything to keep him pleased and that’s why he knew it was an already won battle.

Without knowing that as those papers landed gracefully on top of the oak wood of his desk, the domino effect of him digging his own grave started.

I think all of you know what happened next—I signed the form. Right after that, I got up without finishing my tea.

"Am I dismissed, sir?" I failed miserably in trying to hide the fact that pure anger was boiling within me. 'How dare he do this to me? He set me up!'

"Don't you want to finish your tea first?" my squad leader asked, pretending not to know the answer.

"I'm not feeling very well, sir. I would like to rest a bit on my bed before dinner," I said, convinced that he was doing this on purpose.

He nodded, signaling that I could leave. I remember walking out of that room, seething with anger, and people in the corridors looked at me like they could barely recognize me

"That's not fair! I can't believe that Mike didn't say a single thing about this. They must have planned it for a long while," Nanaba expressed her frustration to me and Petra.

"Without a doubt, they planned this! How dare they!" I yelled in our shared room, lying on my back on that tiny bed they gave us.

"Maybe he isn't that bad?" Petra said with her usual optimistic personality. But both Nanaba and I looked at her as if to say, "Now is not a good time."

The three of us sighed loudly, tired from this crazy day. As if the training wasn't enough, I had to figure out a way to make things work with Mr. Grumpy. It couldn't be that bad, right? I just needed to go and try to get to know him a little better during dinner. I tried to see the glass as half full, but when I saw him sitting all by himself in the middle of the mess hall during dinner, I knew it wasn't going to work out.

"Good luck, girl. You're going to need it," Nanaba said, patting me on the back. Killing Titans was easier than this.

I took a deep breath and walked toward him, holding my dinner tray with both hands.

"Hey, do you mind if I take a seat?" I tried to be nice as I stood in front of him.

Oh God, do you remember when I told you that I can't recall the first time I saw Levi? Well, I would never forget the look in his grey eyes the moment he looked up at me that night. A shiver ran up my spine, and I had to mentally slap myself to regain my composure.

"May I?" I asked once again.

"Do you see my name on it?" Levi's deep voice echoed in my mind as I tried to understand what his problem was.

Anyways, I sat down because I probably looked like an idiot standing up in the middle of the dining room. I took another deep breath and extended my right hand for him to shake. Levi gazed at my hand as if it were pure poison.

"I'm (Y/N), and I'm looking forward to working with you. Let's get along from now on!" A perfect first impression. I gave him my infallible good-girl smile, but it faded as time passed, and he didn't even move to shake my hand.

"I was surprised to hear that you wanted to work with me, so I guess we'll try to make this work," I added as I withdrew my hand. I nervously tucked my hair behind my ear. 'Please say something!' I pleaded in my mind.

"What?" he asked.

"Erwin assigned us together," I replied. I was sweating so much that I felt like I needed another shower after this.

Silence—uncomfortable silence. Then he covered his face with his pale hand and sighed loudly. 'Someone, please save me.'

"That son of a bitch paired me up with the spoiled brat," Levi's words hit me like a bullet. I sat there, feeling as though it must all be a dream. 'Say something? Forget it! I hope he never opens that mouth again.' I regretted my last thought.

He was mean, he was rude, and every bad adjective you can think of. Why?! Why me?! Petra should have been here, not me. But how could she like him? He was the worst!

Which girl in her right mind would ever want to date him?!

Spoiler alert: Me.

Link to my masterlist and my other works if you feel like checking them out. Tags!: @nube55 @justkon @notgoodforlife @nmlkys @humanitys-strongest-bamf @quillinhand @thoreeo @darkstarlight82 @aomi04 @levisbrat25 @fxnnyackerman @secretmoneybearvoid @trashblackrainbow @l3visthighs @hannieslovebot @flxrartsstuff @feelingsandemotionsnotexplored @starrylevi @rithty @mariaace @ackrmntea @emilyyyy-08 @levisfavoriteteashop @katestrophes @katharinasdiaryy @ackermanswifee @levistealeaf @an-ever-angry-bi @youre-ackermine @searriously @blackdxggr @storiesofsung @abiatackerman @braunsbabe @moonchild-angel @galactict3a @lemonsupernova @hyuckwon-my-husbands @heyitsd1yaa @sydneyyuu @love-for-faeries-go-burrrr @mandaax @sugacor3 @r0ckst4rjk @vegetasgirl2799 @catiwinky @pinksaiyans @sparklykeylime Wanna join my tag list? Here!

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jawllines · 2 months ago

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Olivia, hi! I don't know if you are gonna reply to this but turns out I can't keep my weird fucking thoughts to myself. I tried ignoring it for the last two days but I can't anymore. I know this is sad time and I'm not sure if what I'm gonna share is appropriate for the this time. Excuse me for my overthinking. But yeah, my coping mechanism is escapism I think. So I have been reading your fics that I hadn't read before. I was reading the Prince Harry and Chambermaid Y/N story. And I sent you an ask about the part 4 because I don't know if you have a part 4 to that. Maybe on patreon. Because it felt like there should have been more after how part 3 ended.

Now my problem is, whenever I read your stories, be it a one part or multiple parts, I love how you build the worlds and I love your characters. They're truly magical and even though I don't relate to them I certainly connect with them. And when the story ends I don't feel any sense of loss. Yes I do want to see what happens next with them but I don't dwell on it because how you end your stories is satisfactory for me. But oh my God I'm feeling this incredible loss after I finished reading Prince Harry fic. Like this is on a weird level how I am just immersed in their story and world. It's so fucking beautiful. I have been thinking constantly about them and what must have happened next but I also don't wanna think about it myself because I want to know what you would have done? Does that make sense? For other stories I'd just make up scenarios in my head but this time i just don't want to do this. And it feels like I lost them, i lost my dearest friends and someone close to me after I finished reading. Like "oh my God I won't get to see anything new about them!". And it made me so sad. Because there were so many things I wanted to see.

I wanted to see how they'd navigate sex now that she doesn't have the purpose of pleasing Edgar. Would he tell her how she saved his life, would she realise that she's in love with him, would he tell her he loves her, how are they gonna go about it if they confess and decide to be together, would he ask her if she thought about Edgar the whole time they were being intimate in the beginning, would he keep his promise of "putting my tongue inside you"?

Would Harry leave the royals like his uncle and leave a quiet life with her, would he ever lose his temper and burst infront of their parents and yell out everything that tormented him since childhood and would he tell them that Edgar is not the perfect son and he's the reason why Harry behaved the way he did, would his parents feel guilty? Would he tell them that he's alive because of the Chambermaid? I wanted to see his mother coming to his room and just spending time with him telling him she's sorry and she loves him and just doting on him. I wanted to see Harry become responsible and wanting to do something on his own.

Wanted to see more of his possessiveness and what happens when they don't know how the other feels and then she sees him talking to a princess in another royal gathering (that she had to work hard for and didn't get to spend much time with Harry last few days) and that princess is trying to get all over him and she gets jealous and Harry just knows that she has feelings for him too (but he's gonna tease her about it first of course), would she admit her feelings to him or would he have to work hard to get her to say her feelings out loud? Also wanted to see their friendship being stronger before they get intimate again and he teaches her new things.

What happens to Edgar, how does he react to Harry and the Chambermaid being close friends, what do their parents think about him after knowing everything he did to Harry, is he still suitable to be a king, does he feel guilty? Does he change and try to be sincere instead of pretentious? Does he make up to Harry? Does their relationship improve?

There are so many things I wanted to see happening and this time I just can't let it go. And weirdly enough I feel guilty that I'm stuck there and I feel like that's not fair to you because it's your story and you can write it the way you want, I don't have a say in it. But God it's bothering me. I think it's because I wanted an escape from reality but this world you created in this story turned out to be too hard for me to let go. And I'm so fucking confused with everything I'm feeling. Trust me I have tried to read other fics to just avoid thinking about it but I just come back to it inevitably and feel more sad. It's honestly pathetic the way I'm letting it affect me. I'm sorry

oh WOW!!!! WOW WOW I REALLY DIDNT REALIZE THAT THERE WERE SO MANY QUESTIONS LEFT UNANSWERED!! IM SO SORRY D: sometimes it’s just hard, especially when a fic has a specific premise (royalty AUS), i have to be in a certain mindset to write it! when i lose the mindset or have been writing something else it can be kind of hard to get back into the flow of the story

I WILL TRY!! i’ll read through the fic and try and get into the same flow from before and write more for it!!

and don’t apologize!! i’m really happy that my writing can leave you with a sense of longing, that means you really enjoyed it!! thank you so much for reading it and getting so immersed!!

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thebluntstudent · 7 months ago

Text

FIVE TIPS FOR STUDYING WHEN ILL OR OTHERWISE INCONVENIENCED...

disclaimer: when at all possible, you should always prioritise physical and mental wellbeing over a good grade. If you are seriously ill to the point where it is heavily impeding your capacity to study, you are not fit to take an exam, or write an essay, and I hope your educational institute has measures for exceptional circumstances/extensions/deferrals to allow you to do so! Alas, it isn't always possible to do the ideal thing in life, and that is where my experience comes into play.

°•☆•°

Sometimes you find yourself in a crappy predicament a couple weeks before an essay is due, or an exam is scheduled, and you find yourself slipping further away from the stacl of textbooks on your desk, and closer to the comforts of your bed and the rest you really wish you had the time to make the most of.

Right now, my hormones are currently out of whack in a way that could meaning anything from (the most likely cause) PCOS to perimenopause at 22 to plenty of other less likely possibilities I'd rather not dwell on. This means that sitting up for more than 5-10 minutes in the same position sends my abdomen into spasms and sharp pains, and generally existing hour to hour is a painful, emotional, hot-flush filled experience.

That being said, I have an exam in a few days, and since deferral is not an option for me (this is my last attempt, I can't take any more time off of uni, my last attempt was last year during a period of several losses that occurred on an interruption year I had taken due to burn-out and unresolved trauma sliding into my life- you get where I'm going with the 'sometimes life is a bitch and your general and academic life can't be pretty and pristine' bit) I have been doing my best to balance comfort and productivity in a way that helps me look out for what I need right now whilst still getting in as much revisiom as I'm able to.

So! I thought I'd share my little tips for building a comfy study space when conditions are not ideal but you still gotta keep moving:

• abandon the 'do not study in bed' tip, but only for as long as it helps you as opposed to hindering you. I have tried sittimg up at a desk with pillows and blankets swathing me- and all I get for it is hefty back pain and constant awkward readjustments every time I start heating up or shift around in my seat too much. If you're ill, you aren't doing yourself any good sitting hunched over a desk either- and frankly your sleep is probably going to be buggered until you're feeling better anyways. So, if sitting at a desk is putting you off, prop up some pillows, rest your writing materials on a hard surface (a folder, an A4 hardback- a chopping board works for a cute wannabe lap desk too), and set a zone of your bed aside (or just use a bedside cabinet if you have one) for anything you'll be using fairly often- by which I mean stationary, textbooks you'll be using over the course of the next hour or so- just enough stuff to save you constantly getting up out of your comfy study bubble.

• listen to tesco: every little helps. What I like to do to get myself going when I'm feeling naff- which works also if you're simply having a difficult time focusing yourself for the day- is to do micro pomodoro sessions, where I'll dedicate myself to 5 minutes minimum of focused study. If I really can't bring myself to continue longer than 5 minutes, I'll let myself rest for a little while (up to 20-30 minutes) before getting myself to do another micro session. This may not seem very productive, but you are more likely to do a good hour of work on a bad day when you tell yourself you only need to do little 5 minute sessions, than procrastinating studying because you feel as if you'll have to sit up and focus for a much longer period of time for it to count. Every. Little. Helps. In 5 minutes you can run through a topic of flash cards, do a slide of lecture notes, answer small exam questions, do a page or two of readings- and on a good day, that 5 minutes might turn into 10 with a small break, then 15, then you'll find yourself picking up your regular pace in no time! But again, even 5 minutes, just one little session, is a win when the world is throwing hurdles at you <3

• maximise your comfort: you know the little things that bring you joy, and you don't habe to be rolling in cash to surround yourself with little things to keep you going when all you want to do is sleep. My current comforts are the loyal presence of my cat next to me, a few old blankets I can swaddle myself in to stare at the ceiling when my ovaries are throwing a tantrum, a little variety of teas (currently rocking a chai latte with home bargains vanilla syrup, girl gotta have her sweet relief), a pack of energy drinks, some painkillers, and a little incense tray nearby that I forget to use 70% of the time (though the remaining 30% makes up for that). None of this is in particular mandatory- if it were, the dog people of the world would be doomed. The point is, find your little comforts- an activity you can do from the comfort of your bed like a puzzle, sensory toy or just a book to doodle in, a certain type of drink or snack you really love, some smellies (perfume, incense, candles, wax melts, and so on), supplies for whatever ails you- little personal things to relax you whilst you try to gather your energy.

• Now is not the time to push it. I tend to find the times in which I am most likely to push myself past my limits are the times in whicj something is inhibiting me- the frustration of being bed-bound, fatigued due to chronic conditions, etc tends to make me feel even more than usual that I am not doing enough because of my awareness of my present restrictions. Though this post is about pusning through bad times, you should be doing so with self-compassion, and with the mindset that every little bit you achieve in your current state is a win, a bonus, even if you find yourself unable to work to the same standard as normal. You aren't well- you aren't supposed to be functioning at 100% because your body is only functioning at 50%, and if you want to get back to your regular stressed student self you need to rest! Remember that a slightly lower grade than you were expecting in the short-term is not a reflection on your character, and it's better to *be* better for the long-term than to work yourself into a ditch and burn-out when you are already at a low point.

• If healthy study you is a carefully rehearsed play, then sick study you is a completely improvised show. Don't knock the analogy, even if it is silly and obscure- when I am at my peak, I will time-block my studies, plan to do certain topics on certain days, do 30-5 or 50-10 study sessions, work during a set period from the morning to the mid afternoon.

When I am ill, I do not know when I will be unable to sit up to work. I do not know when I will be able to sleep, to stomach food, to concentrate- so I have to accept that the normal routines that keep me consistent have to be chucked in the bin for the time being. Instead of planning my whole day, I create a vague, rough outline of the next few things I want to get done. This way, I don't feel crushed when I start working on lecture notes and find myself flat out on my back crying 10 minutes later- I just pick up where I left off when I'm ready, and work in increments from there.

°•☆•°

Right now my sleep is a bit fudgy because of night sweats/panics and p a i n, and by building a cosy space and letting my plans adapt to my body's needs I've managed to get 3 hrs of lecture notes, 2 sets of flashcards, and a set of logic practise questkons done over night between 8pm-4:30am. If I had tried to stick to my regular 'good day' study routine, I don't think I would have lasted 15 minutes before giving up and crawling over to youtube with a bowl of white chocolate and a horlicks in hand.

It is this kind of adaptability to external conditions that allowed me to survive an unstable home situation during college that meant weeks without wifi, constantly moving between different homes and constant fear of eviction due to family debts I was too young to do anything about- and allowed me to get into the top university in London* as a working class girly from a council estate.

I was given the opportunity to do an extra year at college for free due to these circumstances and a great support network within the institute to make sure I got into the specific university that I wanted to, and I had to take an interruption after my firdt yesr of university because I am not a super-human, and I knew my limits- but I'm still going, and the time away I've had has paid off and gotten me back to my scrappy, chaotic, passionately nerdy self.

You can be messy and be a good student too- and you can get through the worst of times with a little adaptability, perseverance, a good support network and a little self care ♡

*Times Good University Guide, 2024.

#student #studyspo #study blog #study motivation #studyblr #study tips #student tips #university

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gothearts · 5 months ago

Note

What's Sera and Adam's relationship like in Heaven? How does it change after he falls?

Post fall is sort of complicated to answer right now given how little I've put out of my au, so you're not going to get the FULL context until I finish putting out all of the characters. I'll do my best to give an abridged explanation ahdshdkjshdskjshskjh Sera was fond of Adam. It's not too far off from canon where she's weary of his behavior, but it's more in the direction of her worrying for just how spiteful he can be, trying to constantly reel him back in and dismiss the negativity. She knows what happens when someone is no longer deemed useful to heaven. She's been through it three times now. He lets the truth of the extermination slip, and she knows that she can no longer save him. He's now become a liability. At that point she would withdraw and refocus her efforts on Emily, as detached as it may seem. She can't dwell for her own well being and ability to uphold her roll in maintaining order. She doesn't know he's in hell. She thinks he's dead. As far as she knows, only angels can fall. Winners have never been slain and Sinners who had previously been reset are reincarnated just to lead the same sinful lives, leading to the notion that a soul cannot be changed, bringing forth the extermination. (There were no attempts to rehabilitate these souls prior, just a reset that still bore scars on the soul from past lives. Like reincarnation.) Adam is gone and Adam has failed, meaning that from what she knows, she'll never see him again. That's what she would respond with whenever Emily would bring it up, using him as a cautionary tale to keep Emily from questioning the will of heaven further. It does tear her up inside. That's four losses now. But she knows that if she cracks and shows the pain she's experiencing, she could be deemed unfit to uphold her role, being cast out too. Seraphiel from the book of Enoch, who she represents in my au, is a seraphim dedicated to the care of those below him. Therefore, so is Sera. She loved Adam as if he were hers, because that's how she views all of God's creation. It's her job to guide and nurture, The loss of Adam likely is the last blow to steel her heart, causing her to have no tolerance for Emily's dreams, deeming it necessary to guide her. It also results in cracking down further on Charlie, doing all she knows how to in order to keep her own people safe. As for Adam, the first betrayal comes when he calls for backup and nobody answers, leading to his demise aka fall. He's in denial at first that Sera hasn't came to save him. He likely has one of those "she's coming, you'll see!" moments that lead to him slowly wearing down as days turn to weeks until he has to accept that he's stuck here and what happened was not a mistake on heaven's behalf. They left him to die. It's a harsh realization that the kingdom you dedicated the last several millennia of your existence to does not hold unconditional love for you, and by extension, neither does Sera despite her intentions. As much as he loved Sera, being at the hotel and experiencing life without the constant pressure of someone expecting you to repress your misplaced anger instead of helping you through it as a true nurturer should, causes him to stop yearning for his own redemption. He's finding it here. Ironically in Hell. Angels only know how to repress because exploration is what lead to Lucifer's own downfall, and every being in heaven lives by that. But here, he gets to work through all the turmoil he's been caused and has caused. And the more he looks back on life on heaven with her, the more he realizes how miserable it was. The memories become bittersweet. The only thing their relationship ends up amounting to, is being the catalyst for him to rise above the future she unintentionally helped push him to succumb to. He can change and finally learn to let go. They will meet again, but that's writing for the future as i'm still fleshing out the first act, and this is like... third act stuff.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin hotel sera #au rambles

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countlessrealities · 8 months ago

Text

@statiicstag from HERE

A voice. Dreamlike, it carries across the room and through the ruin; the words drift to his ears which twitch with acknowledgement. Alastor himself sits slumped against his desk in the mess that remains of his radio tower, a bloody heap.

It would appear that this voice in particular will always be able to snap him into some state of consciousness, even now. How unfortunate.

Crimson eyes creak open, and though his grin widens the emotion he feels is a far cry from joy as he takes in the face in front of him. If this is how and where he expires for good, he would rather do it alone, and not under the watchful eye of . . . someone he does not know how to put a name to. He will blame blood loss on the lack of ability to come up with a proper term.

Radio static crackles around them, permeating his voice in his weakened state and making it rather hard to understand the words that attempt to slip from a mouth that drips blood.

❝ Is that so? You've a rather fine opportunity to do so now, then. ❞ Alastor replies, somehow still having the ability to muster up some cheek as he moves his arms to his sides. The movement exposes the severity of his wound and just how much crimson drips from it, a trail leading from what remains of the door to him.

He's not truly offering himself up. He knows good and well Vox won't take the opportunity. If that were the case, he'd had already done so.

❝ It's rude to keep a man waiting, you know. ❞

Vox scowls at Alastor's comeback. It doesn't surprise him, of course, because the crazy motherfucker always had to be the one on top of the situation...even when he obviously was not. It's annoying as hell, just as the taunting in itself. It almost makes him regret his decision to leave the Tower and risk getting caught in the mess that surrounds what's left of the Hotel. Without even grabbing his jacket.

Why in the seven Rings does he like this guy again?

"I wouldn't call it a 'fine opportunity'. There's no satisfaction in striking down someone who's already dying on their own," the Overlord scoffs, making a show of rolling his eyes even if his rival probably can't see that. "You look like shit and I have more class than that."

Of course, things are much more complicated than that. For as much as he enjoys seeing the Radio Demon getting his ass kicked and reduced to this sort of pitiful mess, he doesn't actually want him to meet his double death. For reasons he'd rather not dwell on.

The static echoes unpleasantly through his speakers as he steps forward, crouching down in front of Alastor to better assess the damage. He can't fully see the wound with the clothes in the way, but it's obvious that it's bad, and the amount of blood the bastard has already lost is all the confirmation he needs.

Vox's eyes dart around, scanning their surroundings. There's no way there could be anything sort of first aid kit in that wreck, assuming that Alastor has something of the sort to start with. Well, shit. He can see only one working option left there.

"But since you don't like to be left waiting, you leave me just one choice..." He starts again, standing up.

His voice trails off, purposefully leaving the other hanging so he can grab him while he's distracted. Under other circumstances, daring something like that would probably get him killed, but he's confidence that the other is too weak for that right now.

"You're paying for my dry cleaner," he announces. properly adjusting his arms around the Radio Demon, one hooked under his legs and the other holding his back. "Blood is a bitch to wash off."

#[ threads :: Vox ]#&& Alastor || statiicstag #[ v. Trust us with your future! ; main verse :: Vox ]#statiicstag #[[ this is the longest run for popcorn in the history of Hell xD ]]#[[ Vel & Val be like 'wtf did he go harvest the corn himself' ]]

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pomplalamoose · 1 year ago

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Can we pls have some anh luke hc just after he joined the rebellion?🙏

Aaaahhhh that's a super interesting ask, especially because this doesn't get talked about in the movies or the books👀

I apologize if these are a little bit messy and all over the place, I had a very long day at work and wasn't sure whether I should post at all (but I really wanted to lol so here you go, anon🩵)

• Luke usually is a very positive thinking and easily excitable person, so I don't think it would take him overly long to adapt to new situations and surroundings

• at least under normal conditions

• right after he joins the rebellion they are far from normal though, and I'm sure that even the little things, like a short moment of quiet, would serve as a reminder that

• he lost everything

• for the very first time in his life he is far away from home and all alone

• he had to leave behind everyone and everything he ever knew

• he couldn't even say goodbye or bring some personal belongings that might've been important to him

• now is the time that the loss of Obi-Wan, as a well as the deaths of of his aunt and uncle, really set in

• and let's be real, all three were brutal and followed each other so closely that it makes them even harder to process

• not only did he see his home destroyed but also witnessed the murder of the man, that he believed would lead him from here on forward

• he got shot at and nearly died several times himself

• (at this point he probably doesn't care about that much but it's still a stress factor)

• it's only natural to assume that Luke is not doing well

• I see him being very nervous and kind of jittery, unable to remain still

• he's slightly uncomfortable as well, scared of what will happen next

• he hasn't known Leia, Han and Chewie for long but already fears that something horrible will happen to them too

• he doesn't even know where Han and Chewie are for that matter or if he'll ever see them again

• he wants to keep them safe but knows there is not much he can do

• I think this leads to him being very frustrated and, to keep going, he turns his fear and helplessness into anger

• he has nightmares in which again and again he has to look upon the burned bodies of his family

• at least R2 is with him and makes for good company

• they grow much closer during that time and Luke is so grateful to have him around

• I'm kind of conflicted because on one hand it might be a good thing there is so much going on that he can't really take his time to arrive and settle down

• theoretically it keeps him from overthinking and dwelling on the traumatic events

• but on the other hand it would be so important for Luke to have time to grieve and for looking after himself

• it's incredibly harsh and unfair but eventually he will have to decide on his priorities and on what to do

• will he succumb to his anger and despair

• or will he keep going

• somehow he still possesses the strength to keep going and to focus on the here and now

• there is so much to discover too!

• there are new foods and drinks to try and he's so enthusiastic about them

• he gets new outfits, which I see him gushing over because I'm sure the only clothes he owned before were hand me downs from his uncle

• he's so very proud about the pilot uniform he gets to wear too

• he looks at it whenever he can

• also there is so much to do and he wants to help out wherever he can

• maybe he gets to take the first actual shower of his life

• (did he know before that showering with water is actually a thing?)

• he finally has the opportunity to look at ships and their repairs from up close

• I think he'd hang around the hangars and the pilots a lot, asking them all kinds of questions about their life and adventures with the rebellion

• because there are so many new people Luke would be hesitant in his approach at first

• while he's very eager to learn and desperately wants to get to know as many of them as possible, he doesn't want to interrupt their work

• he doesn't want to be a burden

• we don't know for sure if he got bullied back on Tatooine or not

• maybe Wormie is just an affectionate nick name?

• either way he worries about not being qualified and good enough

• sure, he saved Princess Leia but he didn't do that alone, he had help

• what if nobody takes him seriously? He's just a boy from a desert planet

• but to his surprise everyone greets him with open arms

• suddenly he's being flirted with too???

• he is confused™

• speaking of Leia though...he wonders if he'll get to spend more time with her when this is over?

• or at least for a few minutes in between?

• he wants to

• when will he see her again?

• she's so nice and for some reason he feels drawn to her, it's unlike anything he ever experienced with someone else before

• I think he'd look up to her too, admiring her strength and bravery

• like so many others he feels inspired by her

#ask #luke skywalker #luke skywalker x reader #luke skywalker x you #star wars #luke star wars #star wars fanfiction #fanfic #star wars a new hope #star wars empire strikes back #star wars return of the jedi #star wars headcanons #headcanons

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oogaboogaspookyman · 6 months ago

Text

In memory of Divide...

[Silly Billy]

{1}

IT'S ALL THE SAME THING EVERY DAY

ANOTHER 24 HOURS OF PRETENDING TO BE ALIVE

*facade*

(I AM ALIVE, EVERYTHING IS JUST FINE WITH ME)

{2}

EVERYTHING IS FINE, CAN'T YOU SEE THE SMILE ON MY FACE?

THIS SMILE HAS WON AWARDS BEFORE, I DON'T EVER WANT IT OFF, IT'D BE A DISGRACE

*DENIAL*

(I AM ALIVE, I'M STILL KICKING, DESPITE EVERYTHING)

{3}

LOOK AT ME, MYSELF, YOU WHO SEEMS SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME

DON'T YOU THINK THE TREASURES THAT YOU HARBOR ARE MORE THAN GOLD?

*appreciate...*

(APPRECIATE YOUR LOVED ONES)

{4}

EVERY DAY I FEEL SO FANTASTIC, SWIMMING IN MY DELUSION OF HAPPINESS

*delusion*

(SO MUCH DELUSION)

{5}

I FEEL FANTASTIC

OH CAN'T YOU SEE?

I'M HAPPY

*you lie to yourself*

(OF COURSE I KNOW THE TRUTH, BUT I'D RATHER LIVE A HAPPY LIE THAN A BITTER REALITY)

(I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE BUT MY OWN SANITY AND LIFE)

(SO MIGHT AS WELL DIE A SMILING MAN LIKE YOU)

{6}

OH WHAT A SCENE, A SING-OFF BETWEEN TITANS OF THE INDUSTRY OF MUSICAL WONDERS

I COULD LOSE MYSELF IN MY OWN MELODIES OF DELUSION AND MY FEELING OF JOY

*and yet it's fake*

(SO MUCH JOY)

(I SMILE SO MUCH)

{7}

I DON'T FEAR THE FALL UNTIL IT COMES TO MAKE ME CRUMBLE DOWN

I WILL DIE A SMILING MAN LIKE YOU

OH I DON'T FEAR THE FALL UNTIL IT COMES

TO MAKE ME

I SHALL PERSIST IN THE NAME OF MY LOVE, I MUST KEEP MOVING ON AS I'D PROMISED TO HER ONE FATEFUL NIGHT

YOURSELF YOURSELF

[8]

HAHA

LOOK AT ME NOW

HAHA

I FEEL SO FANTASTIC

HAHA

I'M TOTALLY OKAY, IT'S NOT DELUSION I FEEL JUST FINE, NO WORRIES

*you copy me? To feel like yourself? I pity you*

(HAHA, EVERYTHING IS FINE)

(THERE'S NOTHING TO CRY OVER ANYMORE, I'VE ALREADY SHED EVERY TEAR I EVER HAD)

[9]

PLEASE I BEG OF YOU TO STOP TRYING TO GIVE ME A REALITY CHECK I DO NOT NEED

JUST SAY I'M FINE AND IN A PERFECT DELUSION AS A HAPPY PEACEFUL MAN LIVING A HAPPY PEACEFUL LIFE

*please*

(I'VE ALWAYS BEEN FINE, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A HAPPY MAN)

(I'M STILL YOUR AGE, ALIVE AND KICKIN', NEVER STOPPED THE CHOKIN')

[10]

I'M EATING AND TAKING CARE OF MYSELF, LIVING IN SELF INDULGENCE TO NUMB THE PAIN OF LOSS

*please...*

(I AM JUST FINE, JUST SAY IT I'M FINE PLEASE)

[11]

I'LL NEVER FEAR THE FALL UNTIL IT ARRIVES TO MAKE ME FEAR IT FOR ONCE NOW

*it's okay to fear*

(I WILL NOT FEAR WHAT'S NOT)

[12]

Look at yourself in the mirror behind you and notice the holes on your clothes

Oh can't you see? You are rotting away

Just let me help you, let's take baby steps together

{13}

THE PAIN IN MY HEART IS NOTHING COMPARED TO THE JOY I LOOK FOR

I KNOW I CAN BECOME BETTER AND GET OUT OF THIS STATE OF GRIEF, IT'S ONLY AN OBSTACLE NO BIG DEAL

*it's a process*

(GRIEF IS NOTHING FOR ME, MY JOY IS EVERYTHING)

(IT'S ALL SELF INDULGENCE, PAIN IS THE REBELLION)

{14}

I MADE A PROMISE TO HER THAT I WOULD LIVE ON IN HER NAME, TO LOOK FOR WHAT JOYS LIFE HAS TO OFFER

I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR SO LONG THAT I AM STARVED

*there's no honour*

(LIFE HAS IT'S UPS AND DOWNS, SO WHERE ARE THE UPS I'VE BEEN PROMISED I WOULD FIND?)

{15}

I DON'T WANT TO SEE THE TRUTH, I'D RATHER LIVE MY LIE

DON'T WANT TO FACE REALITY, I'D RATHER LIVE MY DELUSION

*accept it*

{16}

I FEEL FANTASTIC, WHY AM I EVEN HERE?

*because you need to know*

I DON'T NEED SOME STUPID THERAPIST

*you need to see*

(I DON'T NEED TO SEE SOME TRUTH THAT ONLY HURTS ME WHEN I COULD LIVE A LIE WHERE I FEEL NOTHING)

(IT'S ALL THE SAME THING EVERY DAY TO ME NOW, JUST 24 HOURS OF CONSTANT SUFFERING AND DECAY)

{17}

ROTTING AWAY IS FINE BY ME AT THIS POINT, HAVING LOST EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE I COULDN'T CARE ANY LESS

*so you know*

(I MAY BE DEAD BUT)

{18}

WHAT'S THE POINT IN CRYING AND WHINING OVER SUCH A SIMPLE MERE SETBACK?

I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO AND LOOK AND HOPE FOR ANYWAY

LET'S NOT DWELL IN MATTERS THAT HAVE NO IMPORTANCE, LET'S JUST HAVE FUN SINGING OUR LIVES AWAY!

*you have no throat to sing with anymore, it's been years*

(WHO CARES IF I'M DEAD?)

(I FEEL SO GOOD)

{19}

WHAT'S THE POINT IN CRYING AND WHINING OVER SUCH A SIMPLE MERE SETBACK?

I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO AND LOOK AND HOPE FOR ANYWAY

*YOU ARE DEAD, JUST LIKE HER*

(WHO CARES IF I'M DEAD?)

(I FEEL SO GOOD THAT IT HURTS MY SOUL)

{20}

HOW WOULD I BE DEAD ANYWAY, I DON'T SEE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE ANYMORE SHE'S RIPPED AWAY FROM ME THAT DAY IN THE CAR CRASH

CURSE HER FATHER FOR THAT NIGHT, DRINKING HIS STUPID WOES AWAY, DROWNING WHAT'S BETTER DEALT WITH THAN SHELVED...

{21}

The truth

{00}

In the end i guess it really is true, i am a walking shell of my former self

Oh how i fell, i fell hard from my grace and i regret it all

I've made a promise that i soon after broke

We can start again, all the way from scratch but a better start nonetheless, you look like you need one anyway

(I have made mistakes)

You've fallen from grace, that you now know well, but you can try again

(So many awful mistakes)

Let's just take baby steps, the two of us together

(I feel like a freak–)

[01]

I have made mistakes and fallen hard from my own grace, i can't see the light at the end of the tunnel but i guess i can try, just for you

(You've made mistakes and fallen hard from your own grace, i can help you see the light at the end of it all, just at least try it but for you)

{The End}

#spooker's banger lyrics #fnf #silly billy fnf #hell yeah i made art for this #SoundCloud

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memory-echo · 9 months ago

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Love Under a Leaky Parasol - Part 5

Jiro goes back to work eventually. Since he’s being hunted down by the secret police, his boss hides him in his home. One day, he gets a phone call from his boss telling him Nahoko has suffered a lung hemorrhage; a clear sign of her deteriorating health. I’m not sure if the image we see is Jiro’s imagination or if it’s factual, but the lung hemorrhage is deeply disturbing.

Jiro goes into shock after hearing the news, but he goes into full panic mode once he realizes that the telegram his boss read to him is already two days old. He frantically changes his clothes and immediately gets himself on the noon bus to go to Tokyo by train. He wants to be there to help her and comfort her, but he fears it’s too late already. On the road to Tokyo, Jiro tries to work as a form of keeping his mind busy, so that he doesn’t give into despair, but while he’s doing his calculations, tears run freely down his face, denouncing the emotional turmoil he’s experiencing. His love for Nahoko is a driving force in his life, and the uncertainty of her condition is taking a heavy toll on him.

The minute Jiro arrives at her residence, he avoids the front door for fear of being kept for too long by her father. He can’t wait a moment longer, so he crosses the garden and spots a light in Nahoko’s room. He sees her lying in bed, breathing softly. As soon as she notices his presence, he bursts into the room and throws himself into her arms.

Nahoko is overjoyed to hold him again, and she caresses his head lovingly. This moment is filled with a sense of longing, relief, and the joy of being reunited. Their urgent embrace is a symbol of their deep love, hope and resilience.

Jiro apologizes, assuring her that he wished he could’ve been there sooner, and they share a tender kiss.

As much as she loves him, as much as she is relieved by his presence, Nahoko can’t stop worrying about his safety. “You’ll catch it,” she said, with a trembling voice, fearing that the white plague would consume him as well, due to their proximity. Jiro doesn’t dwell on her fears. He says simply “You’re beautiful.” Nahoko shakes her head vehemently. His casual attitude about the risk of infection makes her feel a little uneasy.

There’s nothing beautiful about Tuberculosis… Even though Hayao Miyazaki doesn’t show us many of the symptoms (apart from that gastly hemoptysis scene). Nahoko probably suffers a range of symptoms from anemia, loss of weight and appetite, labored breathing, fever, fatigue, general malaise… We never see her coughing nor do we hear any wheezing when she breathes, but again, Miyazaki doesn’t want to go to the nitty-gritty of TB symptoms. This particular scene is highlighted by the fact that when we see her in bed her breathing is rapid and shallow. She can't quite seem to take a deep breath anymore.

Whichever symptoms she actually has, no person can feel at ease when they are at death’s doors. Jiro doesn’t care about the risks; he sees past the disease, into the eyes of the valiant woman he fell in love with. He mutters a heartfelt “I love you”, showing the depth of his devotion and his willingness to face any obstacle with her. Nahoko is deeply moved by his words. Tears stream down her face as she pulls him in for a yearning embrace, thankful for his love, taking comfort in his soothing presence during this terrifying moment, wishing to keep him there with her forever.

His visit has a magical effect on her. When her father reaches her room, her voice denounces a much cheerier mood, even though Jiro can’t stay for long. In front of his future father-in-law, Jiro says that the next time he comes for a visit, he’ll use the front door. Maybe he doesn’t want to fall off his father-in-law’s good graces by breaching etiquette, but Nahoko assures him that the garden is much more fun than the front door. Jiro smiles and agrees to indulge her will. After all, the garden entrance is a more secluded route, away from prying eyes, and she was as surprised as she was thankful for his spontaneous entrance. Nahoko, unlike her father, is a free-spirit and doesn’t care for that level of formality or etiquette. Jiro’s gesture reminds her of the playful spontaneity of their courtship in the mountains, and him being willing to do whatever it takes to be with her.

On his way out, Jiro says: “Is it that serious? I wish I could look after her.” He feels helpless against an enemy as daunting as Tuberculosis. Mr. Satomi has been through this process before, when he lost his wife to the White Plague. He assures him “The way to do that is to focus on your work.” In truth, there’s nothing Jiro can do for Nahoko other than succeeding at his work and ensuring a better future for her. Besides, he knows his daughter well enough to know that she would not want her illness to hinder Jiro’s dreams and ambitions. It is necessary to strike a balance between Jiro’s work and his personal life, and that is the ultimate challenge for any young couple.

Mr. Satomi might also be trying to protect Jiro’s emotional wellbeing. He knows how emotionally draining it is to see someone you love suffer without being able to alleviate their pain, and he doesn’t want Jiro to get too close to Nahoko and then have to watch her die. By focusing on his work, Jiro will be able to maintain a sense of purpose and avoid becoming overwhelmed by the challenges of Nahoko’s condition.

When Mr. Satomi returns to the house, he finds his daughter with tears in her eyes. A whole new battle is raging inside her. She seems to have accepted her fate, until Jiro walks back into her life, although I’m not sure if she is accepting or just resigned… When we see her at the hotel in the mountains, she has this apparent serene attitude towards her life. It makes me wonder: what was she doing in the mountain hotel with her father? Well, the mountain is high in the Japanese Alps (good quality air), she gets to be there with her father (her remaining family member) at a safe distance (because she doesn’t want him to get sick), and she gets to enjoy her life while throwing herself into her art (she’s an oil painter whose passion provides her with a sense of purpose and joy). It’s the best possible scenario for the remaining members of the Satomi family.

But then the wind rises and Jiro is brought back into her life… His love for her and her love for him rekindle her fighting spirit, compelling her to go against the cursed destiny that had been set for her after her mother’s death. In the face of insurmountable odds, love provides the strength and courage to persevere.

Nahoko accepted Jiro’s marriage proposal on the condition that she would get better from her Tuberculosis first. Only one question remains: how far along is her illness, and can she even get better from it? Because we are never given details on exactly how advanced it is, we want to think that it’s in its early stages. When she’s at the mountain hotel, she has a fever, but since she caught a real downpour, that doesn’t appear strange at first. It’s only after we know that fever is a symptom of Tuberculosis and that getting soaked diminishes the immune system’s response, do we start thinking that this fever is connected to the rain, but it’s also connected to TB. If there was any equilibrium in the disease before, the downpour might have contributed to the disequilibrium in favor of the infection. And then, not long after, she suffered a lung hemorrhage. There’s no coming back from this disease, she’s past the point of no return. Going to a sanatorium is not going to heal her, but as long as she thinks she has a shot at gaining a few months, weeks or even days with Jiro, she will give it a try.

#Ghibli studio #Ghibli movies #The Wind Rises #Kaze Tachinu #風立ちぬ #anime #Jiro Horikoshi #Nahoko Satomi #true love #Carpe Diem

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bellatrixobsessed1 · 27 days ago

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The Dark Forest (Part 1)

This is the same fic as the prompt from Trix Week but in long form.

Summary: Valtor cannot undo the time reversal done to the Trix after falling into the Black Willow's tears.

Note: This first chapter is based on the 4kids script as that it the dub I am most familiar with.

She probably should have known that this was going to go terribly amiss—it hadn’t been going well to begin with. They are terribly disoriented when divided, so much so that Icy begins to wonder when and how they had become so codependent. Probably after Lord Darkar’s defeat. That small era between one tragic alliance and the next.

Maybe it is that their egos have taken a massive hit.

Maybe it is desperation.

But they keep falling into the same traps. The sort of traps that they used to spring.

Sometimes she wonders if they are still their own people.

If they can function independently of each other.

They won’t be finding out any time soon.

It starts with a new power, it always does.

One new ability given to just one of them.

It instills competition, he knows that it does. Competition creates drive and determination with a sense of urgency, a need for success; this is a powerful tool, a great motivator. It is also to a great detriment, an Achilles’ heel. For the competition spawns a possessiveness that is innate in all three of them, sense of jealousy that breeds incompetence.

It is their own fault really.

They sabotage each other better than the Winx can.

They sabotage each other better than they sabotage the Winx.

They are their own undoing.

She just hopes that Valtor is shaken by the loss too.

.oOo.

She punches Darcy first.

Darcy, of course, had it coming; she thinks that she is so sly. She thinks that she is so sexy, so irresistible. Maybe with a broken nose she will be slightly less so.

Darcy returns that punch with an elbow to Icy’s stomach. She doubles over as she fights to reclaim her stolen breath and Darcy lands a punch to her brow. Icy grabs a fistful of her hair and catches her in the jaw. Darcy has a handful of her hair too.

“What are you doing? Come on! Chill out! Stop fighting!” Stormy calls from the sidelines.

“Don't start telling us what to do!” Icy’s shouts, a sentence that ends in a hiss. “You think you're all that just because Valtor gave you some new little power to play with!” And she lunges at Stormy. She can take on two idiots at once. She has gone up against several of the Winx on her own.

“Oh yeah? You wanna see me play?”

She does.

She would very much like that.

And Stormy throws a bolt of lightning her way. She just barely dodges it. So they are using magic now. Well that’s just fine. Icy conjures a frosty halo of her own magic.

And Darcy begins to laugh. “I can't believe this!”

Both she and stormy take pause to ask her what exactly is so funny.

“What's funny is that we're fighting over a guy.”

“Yuck! You're right…” She cringes to herself. Ridiculous. It is all so ridiculous. They have become something of a joke. It is quite easy to imagine why the Winx girls don’t look at them the same way anymore; with dread and tension.

“Yeah! The three of us are friends and we have to stick together!”

“Ugh, you sound like Bloom.” Darcy rolls her eyes.

But Icy can’t confidently say that Stormy is wrong. So she says nothing at all.

“Well I don't mean we're like friend friends!” Stormy backpedals.

They have only known each other for as long as they can remember. And there is much that the three of them do not remember. She tries not to dwell too much on what they don’t remember. Tries not to think too much about how they learned about their own history from a Cloud Tower lecture on the history of Covens, a lecture on the downfall of Sparks, and a stack of textbooks that they had sought out in the library.

The three of them have only had each other for what, as far as they are concerned, is the entirety of their lives. “No way, because that would be like totally lame.” Icy says instead.

“It would be beyond lame, come on!”

They should have returned to Valtors lair to confront him for pitting them against each other. That would have saved them so much trouble. But none of them wanted to disappoint. And none of them wanted to miss a chance to taunt their favorite faeries.

And they had been doing such a good job of it too until that little girl had dived in front of their spell compelling Flora to dive into murky brown water and emerge with a glittering, gleaming enchantix.

She seems to dance over the river and its waters run clear again. Just on time for them to find themselves submerged within it. In a water that reverses time.

All magic is accompanied by some sensation or another. Enchanted water that reverses time comes with a feeling of weightlessness. Something that goes beyond the typical weightlessness of being submerged. The magic wraps her in something of a warm cocoon and even with the water’s reclaimed clarity, she can’t see her own arm through a curtain of glimmering light. But she knows what it might look like. She has seen a transformation or a million. Her head falls back and something tugs at her heart. The pain that she expects never comes, instead there is a tickling as tendrils of magic dig around in her soul. But of course—it isn’t dark magic that has a hold of her.

It doesn’t maintain its grasp for very long. Likely she had been wrapped within the spell for only ten to twenty seconds. It releases her and she swims towards the surface with slightly burning lungs.

There is a twinge of dread before she sees Darcy clinging to a large rock next to her. She rises out of the water with several harsh coughs. And Stormy surfaces next to her. For herself, Icy leans rather heavily on a boulder—it is less about physical exhaustion and more about the sense of vertigo that comes with seeing her sisters so young again and knowing that if she looks down at her own hands that they will be so much smaller.

They exchange looks, as if seeing each other for the first time in years.

In some sense, they are.

“You’ll pay for this, Flora!” Stormy declares.

She shouldn’t be surprised that her powers have been weakened, thrown back to the level that they’d been on when she still wore her hair in twin puffs.

Icy had been a little startled.

That’s it, just a touch taken aback.

Of course this will wear off like every other ridiculous thing that has ever happened to them. They just need to give it time…

They wait it out for a few days before returning to Valtor.

.oOo.

Valtor pinches the bridge of his nose. “This is embarrassing.” He massages that spot between his brows. “When you fools fail it paints a certain image of me. And what do you think it looks like to have three incompetent, fussy children clinging to my legs?”

“Stormy is the one making a fuss!” Darcy declares. She isn’t helping their case.

“We’re still us, Valtor. All you have to do is undo the spell or whatever this is.” Icy insists. She intends for her voice to convey urgency but it sounds whiney even to her own ears. She thinks that it is the naturally higher pitch of her voice that does it.

Valtor sniffs. “And why should I do that? Why shouldn’t I just let the three of you deal with this mess on your own? You let them do this to you after all?”

“You sent us there!” Icy thrusts her finger at him. “And that was after you got us bickering with each other.”

“I sent you three on a mission with faith that you could handle a very simple task.” Valtor sneers. “Was I wrong?” The state of them answers for them. “I’ll help transform the three of you back, but only because I still need you.”

And there it is.

Just what she was beginning to suspect.

They are being used again.

And now there is no way out of it.

He isn’t just going to help them for free.

So maybe they should handle this on their own. Find a way to turn themselves back. Speed up time a little bit. But what can they actually accomplish? Even if they do figure out a decent spell to cast their magic, even collectively, is too weak to cast it. They could whip up a potion to brew, but obtaining the ingredients will be a challenge; most apothecaries don’t sell certain darker ingredients to children and the hardest herbs for a child to forage are the ones that aren’t sold to children.

She supposes that that is where Valtor will come in.

They can find the fix and he can put it into action.

But they don’t find a fix.

Not in Cloud Tower’s main library and not in the forbidden section.

There is nothing in Alfea’s library either, save for a book on the history of the Black Willow.

Valtor has been collecting scrolls and trophies from his conquered realms.

These are useless too.

“Maybe Linphea has a book or two on how to reverse the reversal?” Darcy suggests. “Or one of the locals might know something?”

“I can’t imagine that the locals will be keen on helping us.” Icy folds her arms across her chest.

“You have to go there and look!” Stormy demands.

“Actually, witches, I don’t have to do anything. I’m not a babysitter, certainly not for the likes of you.” Valtor frowns. He turns and clasps his hand behind his back and walks a few paces away from them. “This little mishap has become quite the time sink and I certainly have sunk too much time into it. Into a futile task.”

The fluttering in Icy’s stomach intensifies. She swallows hard. If he is saying what she thinks that he is saying… “Your’re…you’re giving up on us?” She asks, her small voice grows meeker still. “You’re just going to leave us like this?”

Valtor pauses his stride. “Just leave you like that?! I’ve invested almost a month’s worth of my precious time. I don’t owe you anything more. I don’t owe the three of you anything at all. You can show yourselves out.”

“But—” Darcy bites her lower lip. She truly has a habit of making them look more childish than they are.

Icy’s stomach sinks that much further, sometimes she wonders about that. Speculates that maybe this time reversal runs a bit deeper than just their appearance.

“At any rate, you’ll grow up again.”

That is definitely true but it will take years.

Exactly a decade.

#Winx #Winx Club #Winx Trix #The Trix #Winx Icy #Winx Darcy #Winx Stormy #Fanfiction

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