#i can't keep dwelling on all the losses as much as i do.

[ozlices]

gave our body a hand cramp last night by writing a multi-page letter to my mom (since she refuses to listen to me verbally) pouring my heart out abt how much it hurts for her to prioritize my abuser over me.

no idea what happens next. she took the note & is talking to my dad rn.

i mean it when i say i poured my heart out on those pages & still tried to be at least civil. even though tbh at this point, id have every right to lash out.

but i did make sure to emphasize im always compassionate & understanding w her & it sucks that my longest running trauma that i was damned to dive head first back into during the worst year of my life gets disregarded by her. & i get demonized for even harboring it.

so. y e a h. literally no idea what her actual response will be my only hope is if her first reaction was some bullshit, my dad talks it outta her.

[lucysarah-c]

~ Holy Ground ch. 2: We were both young when I first saw you.~

Summary:

"Alright, get comfortable because this is going to be a long, crappy tale. Join me as we travel down memory lane, back when Erwin wasn't yet a commander, when Mike and Nanaba couldn't keep their hands off each other, when Hange was… well, Hange. And Levi? Well, Levi was a twenty-four-year-old man who didn't give a damn about the rules. Are you ready?"

Warnings: This story contains age gaps, time period misogyny and mentions of homophobia, strong and offensive language, underage sex, alcohol, smoking, implied/referenced of drug use. This is a very slow burn so everyhthing takes a while to happen. Explicit sex content. Virginity, loss of virginity, cheating, mentions of cheating, pregnancy but no by the main character, consensual sex, consensual underage sex, underage kissing.

Pairing: Levi x Reader x Erwin. Levi x Reader are end game. (this is not eruri). This story takes place after ACWNR but BEFORE season 1.

-> Masterlist to all the chapters! <-

I won't begin this tale like everyone else, saying, "I will never forget the first time I saw you." That's because I can't recall the exact first time I saw him. However, I do remember the first time I noticed him, and there's a difference between those two actions. Anyway, at first, it wasn't me who noticed him. It was someone else who forced me to search for him in a crowded room.

I was sitting in the mess hall after breakfast with Nanaba. If I remember correctly, we were discussing whether it's acceptable to make out with a guy on the first date. Nanaba, who was in a not-so-secret relationship with Mike at the time, was arguing that you should leave a man wanting more so that he'll come crawling back to you. But let's not dwell on that. What happened next is what we should focus on.

We were both seventeen, such an age to be alive! We weren't cadets, but we weren't superiors either. It was a mix in between that sometimes I wish I could go back to. However, there was a cadet, a young fifteen-year-old girl who joined the Scouts a few months after Levi did, along with the rest of the new cadets. If there was a fan club for Levi, Petra would have been a founding member. Even I, his girlfriend, don't think I worshiped him as much as Petra did. She sat down next to us, sighing loudly and staring dreamily at the ceiling.

"Isn't he perfect?" Petra exclaimed with the voice only a fifteen-year-old girl in love could muster.

"Perfectly short, if you ask me," Nanaba commented, and we chuckled together. "No offense, but Levi is far from perfect for me. On the other hand, Mike is perfect in a human body!"

"With that sorry excuse for a beard? I don't think so," I replied to the tallest woman in our group. "Girls, let's be honest, neither of them comes close to being a perfect man."

"Oh, you two are so mean! (Y/N), did you see him? Isn't he amazing?" Petra questioned, looking into my eyes, searching for an answer to a question she had asked the night before in our shared room.

The night before that morning, Petra had been worshipping Levi so much, and Nanaba had been trying so hard to bring her back down to earth that they asked me what I thought about him. Nanaba knew Levi because he was usually with Erwin, who was usually with Mike, and Mike was usually with her. But for me? The day Levi and his friends were introduced, I had the flu, so I couldn't be there for his "amazing speech."

I had told them that I had never really paid attention to him. He was like a background person in my life at the Scouts' campus. I’d promised them that the next morning, I would make an effort to pay attention to him during breakfast. So, I did. And now I can tell you that the way you look at a person when you're in love is absolutely different from the way you do when you're not in love.

As I mentioned earlier, I remember that morning, the first time I noticed him. His straight, ebony hair flowed in the air. Back then, he used to wear it slightly to the side more often than he does now. Levi never really had a completely middle-parted hair look, but when he was younger, it was more to the side... and he had more hair, but don't tell him that. He was short, too short for a man, but I figured Petra was shorter, so it wasn't much of a problem (she was even a bit taller than me).

What caught my attention was his porcelain pale skin, as if the sun had never touched him (well, I mean, there probably wasn't much sun to soak up underground). I wished I had his skin. His face wasn't the most masculine, but it wasn't feminine either—a perfect middle ground. I suppose some girls are into that. His eyes were sharp and light, but I couldn't discern the specific color from a distance.

I was in the mess hall as he made his way through. Were they blue or grey? Anyway, he was buffed; you could tell by the width of his shoulders (he used to be skinnier than he is now, probably because he didn't eat as well in the underground). I would have continued observing him if he hadn't turned around and locked his dead eyes with mine. Returning to my conversation with my comrades:

"I did indeed," I replied to Petra, and her eyes shone with expectation. "Let me summarize my thoughts: he's not my cup of tea, but if he's yours, go and talk to him. You have nothing to lose by asking."

"Oh, I could never do such a thing! He doesn't like to be bothered," the younger girl of our group said, her cheeks blushing.

"In my opinion, he doesn't like anything. He always has this face that says 'I'm too good for all of you,'" Nanaba said, attempting to imitate Levi's expression, which made me laugh.

I often wonder how things would have turned out if Petra had gone and talked to him. He wasn't my "type," so to speak, and probably would have never been if things hadn't taken the course they did. Life is a whimsical, bratty thing, and I was about to learn that.

Perhaps you didn't have to go through this because your arrival at the Scouts was a bit out of the ordinary, but the training process for cadets is somewhat different. After being part of the Legion for almost two years (like Nanaba and I back then) and just after the new recruits arrived, the one-year training to become a superior began. It involved both physical and theoretical practices. It taught you how to work with a partner and solve the situations you would encounter. Being a superior involved a lot of teamwork, which is why there were two exams: a midterm to assess progress just before the winter break, and a final exam. It probably won't surprise you if I say that Nanaba and I were going to be a team.

Later that day, after our regular instructions, we sat down in the training area, waiting for a superior to call us. I had our forms ready to be handed to my squad leader. Back then, Erwin was my squad leader. He wasn't the commander yet, but his rise was imminent. Nanaba and I were waiting like the rest of the cadets.

"Hey, beauty, your boyfriend is looking for you," Gellar said, approaching us and pointing with his thumb towards the building behind him.

"He's not my boyfriend," I replied wearily, shaking my head, and my long hair swayed.

My blond friend chuckled at my response, and Gellar rolled his eyes. I stood up and walked toward the office of a certain blondie we all know. It used to annoy me to no end that people couldn't stop spreading that silly rumor. "I'm not Erwin's girl! ...yet, at least," I thought back then, little did I know it would never happen.

I strolled through the corridors with the papers tucked under my arm and held my head high, proud to be known as one of the prettiest girls in the Legion. I made a quick stop at the bathroom to check my appearance, making sure my eyes weren't puffy. I pinched my lips and cheeks slightly, giving them a reddish tint. Erwin was at a promising point in his career. He was handsome, young, and smart—everything I could ask for in a man. And I was everything he wanted in a girl… or so he’d said. Sometimes it felt like he truly meant it and others it felt like it was just the silly rumor that people whispered in the corridors. He hated the gossip, he insisted that was the reason it wasn’t official yet. Because it would overshadow his and my promotion. I understood… or so I faked that I did.

Perhaps I was young, but I wasn't naive. I knew how men looked at you when they desired you. And Erwin always seemed to find something in my hair to touch or would run his hand through it. He had a delicate way of saying that my teas were the best around and that's why he always asked me to make them for him. Yes, I was young, but I wasn't foolish.

Innocent little me. You truly think you have everything figured out at 17, you think you know everything. I thought I was smart, sometimes perhaps too much for my own good. Erwin, dear, you make me look so naive. 

"Wait! You and the Commander were a thing?!" The entire Levi's squad screamed, causing me to pause my narration.   "This is the juiciest rumor I've ever heard!" Sasha yelled so loudly that I'm sure the entire Legion heard her.   "Well, as I mentioned, we never became anything in the end. Besides, our flirting died a long time ago, and now we're really good friends," I replied honestly because it's true. There's nothing more than respect and friendship between Erwin and me these days.   But my answer doesn't seem to convince them, and once again, Eren is the first to throw another question.   "Does the Captain know about this?" he asked, suspicion evident in his voice.   "Of course he does! And believe me, he couldn't care less," I replied, amused. But I wonder, is that really true? I mean, if I were to tell Levi, 'Hey, I'm going to stay in Erwin's room because it's bigger and tidier than Hange's,' would he respond with 'Yeah, sure, no problem! Have fun!'? Who am I kidding? Levi would kill both Erwin and me in the process.   "Anyway, this doesn't have a place in this tale, so let's get back to the story," I clarified before they could ask another tricky question.

I knocked on the door with my free hand, while the other one held the forms. That deep, manly voice that I knew so well replied with a simple "Name and business."

"Cadet (L/N) (Y/N)! I was called to come here to deliver my form," I said clearly.

I waited for the response, and once I received it, I entered. There he was, the young and ambitious man that everyone in the military was talking about. Erwin finished signing some paperwork and looked up, meeting my gaze with his big, deep blue eyes. He smiled slightly at me, and of course, I smiled back.

"I was waiting for you, (Y/N)," the blond man said. 'Of course you were,' I thought. "There are some details that we need to discuss. Please have a seat."

So, I did. I walked over to the deep green leather tufted office chair right in front of his desk. I sat down and placed the papers on my lap.

"Would you like some tea?" he asked politely as he got up to serve it, knowing well that I never turned down a good cup of tea.

"Yes, please," I replied, following him with my eyes and offering a slight smile. I attempted to get up from my seat and serve the tea myself, but Erwin stopped me with a hand gesture. Superiors always had more privileges than recruits, and Erwin was no exception.

The single cup of black tea in that office was all I needed—a stronger and tastier flavor than only a good-quality tea could offer. I had always been a smart girl, perhaps too smart for some people's tastes, but I believed it was one of the main reasons Erwin had chosen me. After a few occasions, I noticed that the tea he drank when he was alone wasn't as good as the one he poured when it was for me. There was a slight, uncomfortable silence as we both took the first sip. Right after that, I picked up my papers and placed them on his desk.

"I have already filled in my forms, sir," I said, tucking my hair behind my ear. But what he did next caught me completely off guard. Erwin took the papers and placed them somewhere under his desk.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," he said, intertwining his fingers. "You see, (Y/N), I have been re-reading your academic reports from your training years, and they point out your outstanding performance in teamwork and your ability to naturally encourage cooperation among the practice sessions."

"Thank you?" I replied, uttering the first thing that came to my mind. I didn't know where he was going with all this. I took another sip of my tea.

"Have you ever talked to Levi? He's quite new," he said, adding, "He may not be the most talkative guy around here, but his performance with the 3DMG is outstanding."

'Mr. Grumpy? Of course, I know who he is,' I thought, and the fact that Erwin used the word "outstanding" twice, referring to both of us. I didn't like where this was going. Suddenly, the tea, the office, and the day didn't seem as pleasant anymore.

"Wait! Mr. Grumpy? Seriously?!" Connie exclaims, while the rest of them try to control their laughter.   "Yes, that was his nickname among my close friends for a long time. Sometimes, when I want to annoy him, I bring it back for a couple of hours," I reply with a tender smile on my face. 'Yeah, we used to have silly nicknames for each other… when we used to talk,'

"I have never talked to him, but I don't doubt his capabilities since you personally chose him," I tried to give a neutral answer. I was so nervous that I couldn't take another sip of my tea. What a waste.

"I have been thinking that someone with your good reputation and patience could be a good partner for Levi. He may not have gone through regular training, but the commander and I think it would be beneficial for him to undergo the same training as the other cadets," Erwin's eyes seemed to penetrate my soul as he explained this to me. Did I mention that I didn't like where this was going?

"Um, excuse me, sir. But I already have a partner. Nanaba and I get along, and I think our performance would be splendid," I said, trying to evade his gaze. 'How can I refuse him without disrespecting him? ' My mind raced, desperately seeking possible replies, and I could feel a headache coming on.

"Don't worry about her; Mike has already found her a recruit. I believe pairing my two best cadets to work together would be a step forward for my plan for the Scouts, don't you think?" he said, and I wished I hadn't woken up that day.

'Save your dirty little compliments for later. Your best cadets? Fuck you, Erwin Smith! If this is what your best cadet looks like, then I think I'm failing my next exams,' I wanted to tell him to go to hell so badly, but I knew my position didn't allow it.

Despite all my attempts to change his mind, the blond man pulled out a form that was already halfway filled and placed it in front of me. Then he put a black ink pen beside it, and I felt like crying.

"He said he would be looking forward to working with you," Erwin declared with his perfect smile, knowing he had won the argument. That arrogant smile just made me want to punch him. ‘I adore you but I hate you,’ Perhaps it was the delicate state our relationship was in, that I wasted to make him happy not only as my superior but also as my “situationship” that forced me to agree without further complaints. Perhaps Erwin knew himself that I would have done anything to keep him pleased and that’s why he knew it was an already won battle.

Without knowing that as those papers landed gracefully on top of the oak wood of his desk, the domino effect of him digging his own grave started. 

I think all of you know what happened next—I signed the form. Right after that, I got up without finishing my tea.

"Am I dismissed, sir?" I failed miserably in trying to hide the fact that pure anger was boiling within me. 'How dare he do this to me? He set me up!'

"Don't you want to finish your tea first?" my squad leader asked, pretending not to know the answer.

"I'm not feeling very well, sir. I would like to rest a bit on my bed before dinner," I said, convinced that he was doing this on purpose.

He nodded, signaling that I could leave. I remember walking out of that room, seething with anger, and people in the corridors looked at me like they could barely recognize me

"That's not fair! I can't believe that Mike didn't say a single thing about this. They must have planned it for a long while," Nanaba expressed her frustration to me and Petra.

"Without a doubt, they planned this! How dare they!" I yelled in our shared room, lying on my back on that tiny bed they gave us.

"Maybe he isn't that bad?" Petra said with her usual optimistic personality. But both Nanaba and I looked at her as if to say, "Now is not a good time."

The three of us sighed loudly, tired from this crazy day. As if the training wasn't enough, I had to figure out a way to make things work with Mr. Grumpy. It couldn't be that bad, right? I just needed to go and try to get to know him a little better during dinner. I tried to see the glass as half full, but when I saw him sitting all by himself in the middle of the mess hall during dinner, I knew it wasn't going to work out.

"Good luck, girl. You're going to need it," Nanaba said, patting me on the back. Killing Titans was easier than this.

I took a deep breath and walked toward him, holding my dinner tray with both hands.

"Hey, do you mind if I take a seat?" I tried to be nice as I stood in front of him.

Oh God, do you remember when I told you that I can't recall the first time I saw Levi? Well, I would never forget the look in his grey eyes the moment he looked up at me that night. A shiver ran up my spine, and I had to mentally slap myself to regain my composure.

"May I?" I asked once again.

"Do you see my name on it?" Levi's deep voice echoed in my mind as I tried to understand what his problem was.

Anyways, I sat down because I probably looked like an idiot standing up in the middle of the dining room. I took another deep breath and extended my right hand for him to shake. Levi gazed at my hand as if it were pure poison.

"I'm (Y/N), and I'm looking forward to working with you. Let's get along from now on!" A perfect first impression. I gave him my infallible good-girl smile, but it faded as time passed, and he didn't even move to shake my hand.

"I was surprised to hear that you wanted to work with me, so I guess we'll try to make this work," I added as I withdrew my hand. I nervously tucked my hair behind my ear. 'Please say something!' I pleaded in my mind.

"What?" he asked.

"Erwin assigned us together," I replied. I was sweating so much that I felt like I needed another shower after this.

Silence—uncomfortable silence. Then he covered his face with his pale hand and sighed loudly. 'Someone, please save me.'

"That son of a bitch paired me up with the spoiled brat," Levi's words hit me like a bullet. I sat there, feeling as though it must all be a dream. 'Say something? Forget it! I hope he never opens that mouth again.' I regretted my last thought.

He was mean, he was rude, and every bad adjective you can think of. Why?! Why me?! Petra should have been here, not me. But how could she like him? He was the worst!

Which girl in her right mind would ever want to date him?!

Spoiler alert: Me.

Link to my masterlist and my other works if you feel like checking them out. Tags!: @nube55 @justkon @notgoodforlife @nmlkys @humanitys-strongest-bamf @quillinhand @thoreeo @darkstarlight82 @aomi04 @levisbrat25 @fxnnyackerman @secretmoneybearvoid @trashblackrainbow @l3visthighs @hannieslovebot @flxrartsstuff @feelingsandemotionsnotexplored @starrylevi @rithty @mariaace @ackrmntea @emilyyyy-08 @levisfavoriteteashop @katestrophes @katharinasdiaryy @ackermanswifee @levistealeaf @an-ever-angry-bi @youre-ackermine @searriously @blackdxggr @storiesofsung @abiatackerman @braunsbabe @moonchild-angel @galactict3a @lemonsupernova @hyuckwon-my-husbands @heyitsd1yaa @sydneyyuu @love-for-faeries-go-burrrr @mandaax @sugacor3 @r0ckst4rjk @vegetasgirl2799 @catiwinky @pinksaiyans @sparklykeylime Wanna join my tag list? Here!

[echantedtoon]

A Lovers' Circle (Poly Haishira x Reader) Ch3 There's Always A Catch When It's Too Good To Be True...But For The First Time Its Not Unpleasant

(MOST of this will be from Gyomei's p.o.v or p.o.vish. I will be describing surroundings for the readers but keep in minc Gyomei can't actually see what the readers are being described. The performance I had in mind was actually something similar to the song below if anyone wants to listen to it.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=98AqvD-Dvgo&pp=ygUXYXBwbGUgYmxvc3NvbXMgc2hhbWlzZW4%3D         )

A number.

Ten Digits across.

You remembered quickly jotting down the ten small numbers of a notepad you thumbled to get out of your purse and shakily wrote everything down he told you with a patient smile on his face. 

You must've been out of your mind for doing this. Agreeing to go on a date right after the worst one of your entire life? Maybe you were that desperate? Or maybe it was the charm and gentlemanly way he had been nice to you that charmed you off your feet enough to agree. If he was nice enough to go through the trouble of making sure a total stranger was ok and returning your purse then he couldn't have been that bad. At the most terrible he'll just be a kind but bland personal to date and it won't work out for you both. You'd much rather have it end that way than the last few dates you've forced yourself to go on. 

You still remembered what Murata's shocked face looked like when you finally opened up the passenger door and sat your still soaked body down in the seat next to him. Wet, smeared make up still half smudged all over your face from where the rain didn't wash it off, covered in dirt, and looking like a food fight had taken place on your dress.

"Oh my God. ..What happened? Are you ok?!"

You have him the most exhausted deadpanned look ever. "What do you think?"

"I think you look like a doll that was dunked underwater."

"Thanks. You really know how to compliment a girl."

He only shrugged before starting up the car and pulling away from the smiling and waving a hand in the direction of the retreating car. Feeling a shy feeling bubble up in your chest as he faded away from view. Face going a light pink.

"Are you running a fever too? Your face is all red."

"No! Just drive me home please."

The comfort of a warm shower and cozy bed was something else so relieving. Letting yourself forget your worries and allow the mind to dwell away in peace. Unfortunately there was no saving your dress as the stains wouldn't come out, and your heels had permanent water damage to them. Oh well. They were both bought from a cheap second hand store anyways so it's not a big loss. 

But the real nerves came from those four small numbers.

The paper accidentally knocked off your bedroom side table and fluttered down on the floor, bumped off when you were cleaning two days later and only noticed when your foot had stepped on top of it. The feeling of paper under your heel caught your attention and found the small note with ten numbers staring up at you.  

A phone number.

GYOMEI'S phone number.

The tiny paper in your hands staring up cheerfully at you as you sat on your bed and stared at the digits. Staring. Unsure. And frankly very nervous. What if he was really busy right now? Or what if someone else was already seeing him because you took so long? Or what if you just accidentally wrote down the wrong number in your stressed state? That'd be embarrassing. However the longer you looked at the paper just pinched between your fingers. Even if he gave you his number, it was probably only because he felt bad about what happened to you and wanted to make you feel better.  He probably wasn't serious...

But..where was the harm in calling?

At worst you'd just be given a no and you'd be getting a possible friend at least! A shaking breath was sucked in through your mouth as you hesitated slightly before reaching out to the phone near your bed and grabbing it. Your hands trembling as they fumbled for the number accidentally typing in a wrong number and having to fix it at least seven times before you were able to get the correct line up of numbers as on the paper. Taking another five minutes you stared at the screen and hesitated again.. before inhaling a deep breath and pressing the dial button with your thumb. Your eyes watched in slight fear and nervousness as it dialed through. And called.

And rang.

And rang. 

And rang.

"Th-This was a bad idea."

You were just about to press the end call button when a sudden sound made you freeze up-

"Yes?"

"Oh!" The paper fell from your grip as you barely managed to not drop the phone in shock. Staring at the calling screen with a frown. "Um..." What do you say?! What do you say?! "..Hello?" Nice. You totally nailed that.

There was a deep few chuckles from the other side making you blush in embarrassment and gulp. "Ah. Ms. Y/n, I was just wondering when I'd receive a call from you."

"Haha. Yes. Sorry for taking so long." You gulped again. "I-I hope I didn't call at a bad time. "

"Not at all!," he reassured you kindly, "I just got out of an interview with a potential new employer, so the timing could not be better." Oh thank goodness. "I assume you are calling about the date I proposed for this Saturday."

"Um. Y-Yes! I um-... D-don't really know where you wanted to meet is all?"

"Ah! Of course! Are you aware of Kimetsu University?"

You rose a brow at that. "The local college?" Yes you knew that place. You worked there AND attended classes there. "Of course. Lots of college students live around here."

"Across the street from the entrance is a small coffee shop. If you aren't allergic to caffeine then perhaps you would like to grab a drink with me that afternoon?"

You couldn't help but chuckle at his joke despite the nerves you felt. "I actually know where that is, so that works perfectly! If you don't mind meeting me."

"Og course not. I'm looking forward to this very much. Does noon sound good?"

"Noon sounds perfect! I'll see you then!"

"Of course. I look forward to seeing you."

You thanked him before hanging up and then just flopping down on the bed with a sigh. That took a lot more nerves than you were really expecting but nevertheless it was a good start. A good start but a bad case of nerves. You really didn't want to worry about what would happen within the next three days so you tried to focus on work until then. Putting yourself in autopilot for your classes and at work just cleaning up after little gremlins. 

"Hey, Y/n. Did you know anything about the new hires coming in?"

You glanced up at your coworker, arms full of toys to be put away, confused. "Not really. Just that there was a lot of applications and that they need to sort through them all. Why?"

She rolled her eyes before sighing. "I just hope that they don't hire anyone like Stacy again. She was so lazy and ate all the kid's snacks."

Well you didn't disagree. Stacy was only given the job because her grandfather was a high paying staff member and she needed the credits. Except she was an 'online model' and was more interested in taking selfies in the middle of her shifts and helping herself to the snacks for the kids. She didn't last a whole month before being let go. Since then a lot of other people applied for the position and currently your bosses were combing through them all to pick the best one. You just hoped it wasn't someone like Stacy.  

Oh if you only knew the surprise that'll occur.

Despite your best efforts to keep a calm distracted mind, you still found yourself very nervous sitting in your bedroom and dressing yourself up in something nice. Yeah. Dressing yourself up when you were going on a date with a blind guy might be overkill since he couldn't tell what you looked like but you still wanted to look nice. He at least deserved a decent looking date unlike what you went through. In the end you just settled on a nice white blouse and a pair of black pants, casual but nice looking, after all it was a coffee shop not a high end restaurant. Then it was out the door and the twenty minute walk towards Kimetsu University. 

The day was nice. Warm breezes that rustled through the air and cooled down everyone from the warm sunlight. Meanwhile the sidewalks were full of people of all ages whom walked around enjoying how uncrowded it was with very little cars out making it all the more peaceful. Everyone usually went away on the weekends so that was probably why it was so peaceful right now. Didn't seem like a bad start so far. You hoped it stayed like that. Passing by homes and small random businesses humming a tune to yourself, you eventually got there turning a corner and smelling the upcoming scent of coffee grounds. And-

Ah. Speak of the devil.

And there on the street was just the man you were heading to see.

Gyomei was not an easy man to miss. One would have to be blind themselves in order to miss such a tall man standing just on the edge of the sidewalk, leaned up against the wall to be politely out of peoples' way as they walked up and down the sidewalks to their destinations for the beautiful day. A light worrisome bundle of nerves brewed beneath the heart pounding beneath the surface. Every head tilt towards a fleeting sound of footsteps approaching caused the tiniest bit of hope but then it fizzled right back to worrisome when they were discovered to be not quite right.

No. That was the loud thudding of a large man in working boots. No. Those light taps were too young sounding, probably one of the children that was playing hopscotch up the street had decided to go home. No. Those heels accompanying the sounds of a baby stroller were not right either-

A blink of surprise blank eyes gave when the sounds of a baby, possibly still under a year old, turned up in his direction and giggled in all their innocent delight. That gurgling high pitched giggling only sweet little babies could make. It caused a moment of surprise before a smile accompanied the blind stare that heard the stroller pass by on their way to wherever the mother decided to take them. A small happy feeling in replace of the worry bloomed temporarily.

Until the sounds of what possibly could've been sneakers approached. Hm. Light enough to be a woman's footsteps, and squeaky..So perhaps old sneakers or brand new ones just being broken in. A head turned their direction as they walked from the left side but slowed until coming down to a full stop in front of him. His face tilting. Perhaps someone in awe at the sight of him once more or-

"Hello, Gyomei." The familiarity of the voice caused him to jump in surprise and she quickly held up her hands. "Oh my. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

His face was one of complete surprise for a few seconds before it quickly dispersed into one of happiness and.. relief? With a happy sigh through his nose, a large hand was held up. "No need to apologize. I was just merely caught off guard." He assured her before he used the same arm to gesture towards a nearby doorway. A nearby bell ringing as a man excited with a caramel expressio and walking across the street in front of them all. "Would you like to go inside? It's cooler in there and we can sit and talk."

"Absolutely! That sounds delightful!"

He could literally feel himself starting to sweat, and it wasn't from the warm sun..At least he could use that as an excuse for if she asked. Another silently breath of relief escaped his lungs the moment her footsteps started towards the door with him following behind mindful to not accidentally step of anyone's feet. 

That's all he needed. Stepping on his first real date in nearly a year's feet and risking breaking her foot bones. That'd be such a good impression. 

Luckily by some miracle that didn't happen and he managed to reach out and push the door inwards before she touched it's handle. "Please allow me."

There was a few seconds in her pause that had him worry perhaps he startled her by suddenly reaching past her- "Now aren't you sweet?" Her happy voice piped up as surprised as it was happy. "Thank you!"

It made a relieved smile appear on his face as her footsteps entered followed slowly by his larger slower strides. He had to duck a fair bit just to not let his head smack against the doorframe but luckily the ceiling wouldn't embarrassingly hit him for being too hard.  A tiny bell going off somewhere above him.

Senses were shoved full in activity. From his ears being filled by the sounds of a blender somewhere near but still far, a shuffling of multiple steps against tiled floors, and the murmuring of voices being a few. To his nose inhaling the sweet smells of coffee as to be expected, creamers, and perhaps what was homemade jelly rolls. 

"Gyomei, is that you? I haven't seen your face around here for almost two weeks now!," an older man's voice cut through the air and down towards him. "Did you hear about my new weekend sales and decided to come back?" He jested towards him and made him smile in the relieved familiarity of it all.

A hand was held up. "Not today. I'm here for a more.. romantic aspect." 

"Oh?" He could hear the interest in the man's voice and didn't need to see in order to know that he must've been looking at the woman who was obviously still next to him. "Ooooohh! I see." He got it now. "A girlfriend huh? I haven't seen you with her before so she must be new-"

"Yes." He didn't mean to be rude and interrupt him but he really didn't want to explain a very....out of ordinary part of his life just when they were only getting their first impressions in. "It has been a while since I have been on an outing with anyone. Perhaps you wouldn't mind taking our orders now?"

Please don't make this awkward for him. Not now. Not when he hasn't even had a chance yet. He'll get to that part he promises just don't make him to be a bad thing. 

"But of course! Your usual?"

Another sigh of relief. "Yes please." His head tilted in the direction of the woman next to him with a smile hoping she wouldn't mind actually not looking directly at her as she spoke. "Go ahead and order whatever you'd like. I'll pay."

"Oh no. I can't ask you to do that for me. I'm fine with paying for myself."

He smiled wider. "But you didn't ask. I offered. I would rather pay after everything you experienced last time, to help you make up for it."

"I can afford a small drink. You really don't have to."

"As can I and I insist."

The hesitation was felt greatly in the air. "Well..Alright but just this once."

In the end there was a warm black coffee in his hand, and a much smaller green tea sat in a cute little white teacup in her hands, a just as cute smile on her face as she smiled up at him from the chair she sat in after he pulled it out for her. Once again sensing a round of surprise from her before she called him sweet again, thanked him, and happily sat down with a smile on her face and a nervous smile on his right across from her. The chair he sat in comically small for his height. 

"Thank you again for the drink. I wasn't expecting it."

He gave a small chuckle. "Certainly. I did say that I didn't mind."

She gave a small tilt of her head. "So that man knew you." He paused suddenly. Oh no. Was she about to ask him about the awkward talk!? "Do you come here often then?"

...Oh.

"Not all the time." He visibly relaxed himself slowly. "But a lot of the time I'll stop here for the coffee or my friend will ask me to pick up orders here for her. They serve her boyfriend's favorite ohagi and they're often too busy to stop and get it themselves."

"Oh. I've actually made ohagi before. It's one of my favorite recipes!"

Oh right! "That's right. You mentioned that you studied pastry arts didn't you?"

"Yes that's right! But only partially. I'm thinking about changing my major or taking a different course once I graduate from the first course. Maybe it's cliche for a woman like me to say this but I love cooking! I used to bake all the time with my grandmother."

"Does that mean you attend Kimetsu University?" His head tilted at her interested. 

"Yes! But most of my courses are online minus the cooking classes I take in person. I actually work there. Do you know the small daycare on campus?" He hummed a yes in response making her continue. "I actually work there."

That caught him by surprise, stopping the cup that nearly made contact with his lips for a sip. His eyes widening and blinking. "The daycare?"

"Uh huh. I help watch the kids while their parents are taking classes. Kimetsu University in the only college I know of that provides childcare for their own students. Why? Is...that a problem?" Her nervous look was only relieved when he slowly smiled widely. 

"Not at all." He lowered his cup until it made contact with the table with a small thud. Well, well, well. What a surprising turn of events. "Do you.. like children?"

"I love children! I want to have a family of my own one day but for now I love working in the daycare."

The surprise smacked him hard in the face enough to leave him dumbstruck for a long moment staring at nothing but holding his drink. Blinking he slowly nodded and hummed. He heard that before but he really always had gotten the same answer silently from people who he had been out with whether upfront or implied by tones.

'Yes. I'd love to have children someday...Just not with you.'

It always hurts that knowledge. But at the same time he couldn't really blame someone for their answer when they see him. 

"I'm sorry. Was that a bit too much?"

He hummed blinking again. "Ah. No! No no no." She blinked surprised when he nervously held up his hands. "It's wonderful to want to have a family some day, so do I. We have that much in common." Slowly they lowered until they felt the cold feel of the wooden table between them. "Bu-But back to the University. *ahem* What year are you?"

"I'm about to finish up my first semester of college actually. It'll be my second year when the next semester comes. What of you, Mr. Himejima? Do you attend the school?"

"Yes. Are you surprised?" 

"A little bit. Are you a professor? I don't think I've ever seen you teach a class, not any I've attended at least."

"Uh?" A professor? Him? A teacher? "Pfft. Haha. No. I'm not a teacher."

Her pretty face scrunched up in a pout. "What's so funny?"

"I mean no disrespect." He chuckled more a few more times holding his chin. "You surprise me. I've never been mistaken for a teacher before however-" He pointed a finger up smiling widely. "-I am studying to become one."

There was now silence from him as he was expecting her to be surprised processing the fact that he cou-

"Oh that's wonderful!" Her hands made a little clap sound as she put them together. "What subject do you wanna teach?"

....

.......

"What?"

"I said what subject do you want to teach? Like maybe art or music- My friend's uncle teaches health classes for a highschool on the other side of the coast."

"N-No. I heard you perfectly fine." The hands were held up again whilst still on the table.. however they slowly lowered once more as his brows furrowed in confusion. "Aren't you.. surprised with the fact that I attend classes? Or that I want to become a teacher?"

"No not really. A lot of people work to become educators. Why would I be surprised if you want to be one?" She brought the cute teacup to her lips.

"Because..I am.." 

Blind.

There's no sugar coating around it. He was blind and that's why a lot of people decided that things weren't going to work out between them. A big part of it actually. They're always surprised when they hear he attends classes and actually wants to become a teacher. One woman even accused him of lying and hit him below the belt saying someone like him couldn't possibly become a teacher-

"Now why would I think such a rude thing like that?" Her soft voice cut through his temporary stupor through past memory street and he blinked widely at her direction. "Anyone can study for the career they want. If someone else has told you you can't, then they're the ones who are truly blind."

There was silence.

A very shocked silence as nothing but the usual hustle and bustle of the shop around them continued with people walking around him and going about their business drinking, working, watching the TV that was currently broadcasting the news (something about a famous fashion stylist retiring for good).  A long sip was taken from her teacup as he continued to start in utter shock and awe.

She must've noticed his long silence because she opened an eye to peer at him. "Gyomei, are you alright? You're letting your coffee go cold."

"Um..Yes." He slowly nodded. One hand making a couple grab motions in the thin air she watched before finally grabbing his cup once again. "I am just.. surprised is all. I do not get that many positive responses."

"Huh. Well I suppose I should put a break in that cycle." She smiled wider at him. "What course are you taking?"

...A smile slowly spread across his face replacing the surprised feeling from earlier. "I'm working towards a bachelor's degree in a social studies discipline however I'm taking a leap year off before I attempt my final semester to work and save up money to help pay off those student loans."

"Oh! So you're going to be a civics teacher!"

"That's right! You got it right on the first guess!"

He couldn't remember the last time someone actually engaged with him so...normally. He did not once sense a rude, condescending, or doubtful tone. Not a single time. Not when he told her about his experiences during his three years studying and taking classes. Not when he told her his favorite hobbies. Not even when a very obvious turn off for most people was literally staring her right in the face. Or-..Wait. does it still count as staring if the person looking at you was blind? He wasn't sure, but she didn't once point it out of bring it up. If anything he was the one who was thinking about it as a topic.

But-

"Hmhmhm. Did that really happen? You must really love kids."

He told her the embarrassing moment a child had mistaken him as a ghost during a Halloween party and then proceeded to beg him to do cool 'ghost tricks' which was asking him to pick him up while invisible so everyone would think he was flying. The heartbreak on the child's face when he politely explained he wasn't in fact a spirit and couldn't levitate him. Mitsuri had thought it was the most precious thing and always told the story at least once every few months. 

Her giggles sent a pitch through his heart beats and a heat lit up his cheeks a pink as he stared far away yet so close. "*ahem* W-Well I-..I guess one such as myself should b-be used to such M-mi-missunderstandings."

"You're so lovable that when a little boy thought you were a ghost, he asked you to make him fly instead of getting scared. That's the cutest thing I've ever heard!"

"Oh g-goodness." He mumbled a hand pressing to his face, it felt hot but his reaction only made her giggle more. 

"How sweet.~"

"Y-You are really too kind."

"No. You are. This has been the best date I've ever been on! And I mean that genuinely. I can't remember the last time anyone just wanted to sit down and talk so much, and I can't remember the last person who was so kind to me." He jolted as a soft hand gently grabbed his remaining one. "Thank you."

There was a split second of surprised silence from him. Only one second because quickly his face exploded from a pink to a deep cherry red and his hand pressed further into his face. 

"Are you blushing?" He shook his head no- "Yes you are! That's so adorable!"

"Oh..g-goodness. I'm af-fraid you caught me offg-guard."

And her giggles were not helping either. "I'm sorry. That was probably too forward." She slowly let go of his hand leaving him to slowly clench it shut, warm from where she touched him. "But I really do mean it. Thank you. It has been a really good date. The best one I've ever had! Maybe ..you wouldn't mind going on another one soon?"

He cleared his throat before speaking up again, a hopeful tinge to his voice along with surprise. "Another with me? Are you certain?" She hummed yes making him smile again. Her face went surprised as he gestured back towards the door. "Then perhaps this time we can have dinner together?"

"Oh..Oh I'd love that!" Once again her hands clapped together. "I'm free next Friday night actually...Say. Do you like shamisen performances?"

He hummed but nodded. "I have heard the instrument before yes. Why?"

"There's these performers in the University's drama department. They're putting on a free show involving traditional dances and there's this duo who's going to play the shamisen and sing together. I thought maybe we could listen to it together?"

Surprise. She wanted to go to a show. With him. ..His face melted into the softest of smiles. "I would like that very much. It'd be an honor to attend a show with you." 

He could practically feel the bright smile on her face as they stood on the sidewalk and spoke good-byes to one another in the warm light. Her holding a hand. One palm big enough to hold both her small ones.

"Would you like me to walk you home?"

She shook her head no. "No it's ok. I only live twenty minutes away. I can handle that part." Her tiny hands gave him a slightly tighter squeeze. "But I appreciate the gesture. I'll see you this Friday?"

"Count on it. I look forward to our next date."

They're next date. HIS second date! He can't remember the last time he actually was on a second date let alone being the one asked to go on said second date. His heart pounded at the prospect of actually going out to a literal dinner and a show as cheesy and cliche as that sounds. She bid him good bye and thanked him for the drink one last time before departing from him waving goodbye to one another even if he couldn't see it himself, only hearing the slow disappearance of her footsteps until they were no more merging into the background noise behind him. 

And then there was a ringing noise disturbing the euphoria of his happiness. 

And it rang and rang. Snapping him out of his happy stupor and causing him to pat down his body until he fished out a phone from his pocket and held it up to his head. "Hello?"

"HHHeeyy, Big Guy," a man's voice sing songed out of the phone and into his ear.

A sigh escaped him but he smiled nonetheless. "Tengen. Aren't you supposed to be working on a project?" 

"Yeah but Suma missed me so it sorta just turned into us ordering in pizza."

"You spoil her whims too often. You know Makio and Hinatsuru are going to be very upset with you when they find out."

"No worries. I'll just pull an all nighter and finish the project in no time!"

"Uh huh. And do tell exactly how many times have they made you do it?" One time with Makio literally standing right behind him with a scowl for four hours until he finished a project.

"..... Don't mock me." He couldn't help but chuckle knowing the man on the other side was pouting. "I didn't call you about my homework! How did the date go? If it's a bust you can totally come over and hang with us. It's been a while since the three of us just had a movie night."

"As tempting as that is, I cannot. I have a second interview tomorrow and need the rest but the date was rather well. She invited me to go to the University's show this Friday."

A pause. "Wait. Seriously?! You're gonna go out again?! Ok. What kind of flashy magic did you pull to do that? I can't even Sanemi to pose for me."

"You've asked him to pose shirtless for you. Of course he's going to be flustered."

"Oh like we all haven't already seen him shirtless before at the dam pool! He just doesn't want to sit still so I can paint his pretty face. But seriously? You're really going out again? With the same girl?'

"Yes. She's actually rather polite."

"Dam, Dude! See? Kanae was right when she said you'd find the right one eventually."

"I suppose so..We still need to get to know one another better."

Another pause. "..Oh..So like you haven't told her about the whole-"

"Not yet. That's not really a first date conversation topic."

"Shit man. When are you going to say something?"

"I want to see how the second date goes and depending on the outcome, I'll tell her after dinner. Do not worry about me. I have enough of that for myself to do."

He was frightened for sure. A long time to be frightened when you have a to wait nearly six days for his next date. Perhaps it was because he was fearing that deep down she was only being nice to let him down gently or doing it as some way to repay him for the help he gave her back at the restaurant nearly two weeks ago now. He felt so bad for her when that sorry excuse of a man had the gull to pull such disgusting actions towards her.

She had been very polite up to the point that he nearly shoved her out of her own chair. He remembered feeling the back of her chair literally being shoved back into his when he pushed everything forward only to turn around and vomit all over the floors. The sounds enough alone were able to draw a few tears from his eyes. Those poor employees. The poor owner. The poor people having to witness everything. 

But most of all poor her. No kind woman should be treated like that. 

Call him a bit of a romantic type, but he did take a bit of a gamble offering to take her out. He was surprised when she agreed to it and the end result couldn't have been happier. And more worried. Did he come on too strong? Did he make her feel forced in order to pay him back? 

"You're overthinking everything, Mei." The black haired man leaning against his right side all cuddled up had bluntly told him, one hand holding up a treat to a pretty white snake. "Just relax and don't let those thoughts make you feel bad."

"I just do not know. What if she finds me to be..How do you say? Not to her liking?"

"Who wouldn't like you?" A woman with pretty pink eyes and butterflies pinned in her hair stuffed a nice warm drink into his hands. "You're respectful and smart and incredibly thoughtful! If she's the one who asked you for another date then you've made a really good impression!"

"Hm. I suppose so." The warm cup did little to ease the cold lump of worry and guilt sitting in his stomach. 

He didn't even call her to know what time to meet up or where to meet. That was stupid on his part. It was just a gamble of waiting for her by the entrance to the University and just standing there unable to hear her footsteps amongst the throngs of others in the late afternoon and hoping she didn't want to meet up somewhere else.  By now the sun was about twenty minutes away from starting to set and someone had giving a tug on his sleeve.

"Are you sure you don't want to come inside and wait with us?"

"Yeah! The performance is going to be flamboyant I heard. You can sit by me and let Suma sit on your shoulders."

He held up a hand. "No. I'd better not. It would be wrong of me to interrupt you fours' date night and it would be much to rude to just turn it into a double date without asking her. You go enjoy your night and I'll see you all later."

The familiar touch and voices left, leaving him there standing by himself and once again lost in the sea of sounds unable to decipher the one who'd might not even come tonight-

"Gyomei!" He jumped. Tilting his head to the right wide eyed as a smaller figure yelled up at him with a smile. "I knew it was you! I'm so sorry I'm late. I had to help my mother with some errands and lost track of time. "

He could hardly believe it. She was here. She was actually here. A wide grin peered down to her. "No need to apologize. I'm just glad you made it in time. S-Shall we go inside and get seated?"

He was once again taken by surprise when she wrapped an arm around his and nodded. "Absolutely! I was looking forward to this all week!" 

It was one small tug that nearly made him trip with a stumble but he could've sworn her grip felt like a hundred horses pulling him along. Almost falling into people as he allowed himself to be clung onto by the arm like an actual couple. It sent a shock of surprise on his face and a smile to his face.

"You must be very excited to see this," he noted.

"I'm more excited to see what you think of the music!"

"Haha! I'm sure it'll be beautiful."

They had ended up taking seats in the very back at his insistence to avoid him awkwardly blocking the view of anyone wanting to see the show with his unusual height. He wasn't sure how many people were exactly in the University's theater with them, but with the wave of voices and footsteps around him he could guess it was quite a bit. The steps were stilled and the voices slowing to quiet as the first few beats of a drum were played, and the echoes of dancing long since passed down were summoned.

~~

"Did you like the performance?"

"I did. That singer is a very talented woman. I would not be surprised if she became a famous singer when she graduated."

"Well we can brag that we liked her music before she was famous."

The soft glows of the street lights and the lights from buildings casted onto the streets as the stars and moon shown just as bright in the skies above. He smiled down in the direction of the woman's voice, walking uncharacteristically slower as to not accidentally rush her into trying to keep up with his strides.  A grasp on his left arm reminded him of that task. She hadn't left even after the show ended. Holding his hand in a way that had his normally calm face a pink. 

"So do you still want to have dinner with me?"

"I'd still love to have dinner with you! Where did you want to go? This time I'll buy something for you."

"Heh. You don't have to."

"Well I want to! You paid for my last two meals, I'm paying for this one to make up for it. Just pick wherever you want to go!"

"Well..There is a nice little cafe just a street down from us if you don't mind that."

"That sounds great actually. I don't mind at all."

She might not mind now but what would she think when or if he told her after? He felt that oozing feeling again. The guilty one that clawed the inside of his stomach and leaking into his conscious as he lead her to the tiny establishment of foods and smelling the familiar mouth watering dinners. Didn't sound like too many people were around them tonight which was both a comfort and a relief. The feeling still didn't go away when he forced himself to sit down and smile through the awkward ordering of a random cheap sandwich from the waitress. And certainly it didn't go away when he was brought back out of his own thoughts.

"Gyomei?"

"Huh?" He blinked not able to see the confused look on the woman's face.

"I asked what you do for work. Are you ok? You seem distracted."

"O-Oh. Yes. I am fine." A lie. He knew he looked nervous and guilty and possibly was sweating. "I-I work at the nearby shelter but currently I'm looking for a different job."

"..Are you sure you're alright? You're acting nervous when you were alright just a few minutes ago. Is something..wrong?"

Did she do something wrong?

"N-No! I mean yes! Yes as in I'm perfectly fine but no nothing's wrong. I'm just..well there's something that has been bothering me. Im just not sure what you're reaction would be if I told you."

"Oh. Was it something I said?"

"Nonononono!" He quickly held up his hands and clarified in a panic. "You did nothing wrong I swear! It has nothing to do with you even! I'm just-..Well I mean to say.." He sighed. Long and hard through his nose defeated. Head hung in the knowing embarrassment and the hate that'll always come from it. This was eventually going to happen anyways so might as well get the heartbreaking rejection over with. "The truth is that you see.." He couldn't even steer his head in her direction as he uttered the next words. "I am..s-seeing other people."

There was quiet between them for a moment as she blinked.

"Oh. Well that's perfectly fine. I mean this is only our second date and we aren't in a relationship. Going on dates with other people isn't really anything new."

"No. You misunderstood what I meant. I didn't mean I'm 'seeing other people ' as in going on dates. I meant I'm seeing other people as in I am romantically involved with them." Again there was silence as he felt the eyes staring at him from across the table. "I-I don't mean that I'm cheating or have multiple affairs going on! Please don't think I'm such a man who'd stoop to such terrible things!" He quickly said. "It's just that...I am.."

Here it comes. Again another bout of screaming calling him disgusting or abnormal. Or rejection In the worst way calling him some name like cheater or player. Maybe even a slap across the face as she stormed out and away never to be seen again.

"*sigh* I am polyamourus. My partners are as well, however I do not have an actual significant other and due to other factors you can clearly see that has made my dating life very how you say... impractical and difficult for a lot of people when I first tell them."

There was more silence. And more silence. And more silence. So much silence that he thought she already had snuck away and left him there-

"Oh...Well it's definitely not the worst thing someone's told me on a date."

...He blinked. And blinked again. Slowly processing her words. "What?"

"Uh huh. Someone telling me they're poly is actually pretty normal compared to what happened to me two weeks ago."

"You mean-? I-" He pointed at her. "You're not disgusted or at the very least put off?"

"Well let's see. You didn't scream at me, get drunk, surprise me with scams or that you were actually married with a baby, certainly didn't ghost me, and out of everyone else I've ever dated actually treated me with respect. Hm...So where is the thing that I'm supposed to be disgusted by?"

"The part where I am seeing other people as we sit here?"

"Well let's see again. Do they know you're going out with people?"

"Of course."

"And are they ok with that?"

"Perfectly."

"And is your relationships with those other people consenting and mutual?"

"I wouldn't be in said relationships if we weren't."

"Then I see no problem with it. You've been very open and honest with me about it instead of trying to hide it so I don't see anything wrong with it. In fact I'm more flattered you chose to tell me."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. So casually. So polite. So...unphased by it all. 

"So you're not surprised by it at all?"

"Oh no. I definitely am surprised but when you have so many bad experiences like I have, this really isn't a bad surprise. A surprise definitely but not a bad one."

He couldn't stop staring. He couldn't believe it.

"So how many partners do you have?"

"I-..E-Eleven?"

"Oh my. That's quite a few people."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Not really. I'd like to meet them sometime."

Gyomei.exe has stopped working.

He slowly blinked. So slowly he could've been mistaken as a robot as he stared widely. Processing the words from her lips. "You..want to..meet them?"

"I'd love to meet them one day! If you care about them then they must be very wonderful people."

Gyomei did not move. Did not speak. Only staring in awed surprised blankly at the smiling woman in front of him. The silence kept up the more he sat there until he held up a hand. 

"Actually I think I can arrange that. Do you mind if I go place a call very quickly?"

[thebluntstudent]

FIVE TIPS FOR STUDYING WHEN ILL OR OTHERWISE INCONVENIENCED...

disclaimer: when at all possible, you should always prioritise physical and mental wellbeing over a good grade. If you are seriously ill to the point where it is heavily impeding your capacity to study, you are not fit to take an exam, or write an essay, and I hope your educational institute has measures for exceptional circumstances/extensions/deferrals to allow you to do so! Alas, it isn't always possible to do the ideal thing in life, and that is where my experience comes into play.

°•☆•°

Sometimes you find yourself in a crappy predicament a couple weeks before an essay is due, or an exam is scheduled, and you find yourself slipping further away from the stacl of textbooks on your desk, and closer to the comforts of your bed and the rest you really wish you had the time to make the most of.

Right now, my hormones are currently out of whack in a way that could meaning anything from (the most likely cause) PCOS to perimenopause at 22 to plenty of other less likely possibilities I'd rather not dwell on. This means that sitting up for more than 5-10 minutes in the same position sends my abdomen into spasms and sharp pains, and generally existing hour to hour is a painful, emotional, hot-flush filled experience.

That being said, I have an exam in a few days, and since deferral is not an option for me (this is my last attempt, I can't take any more time off of uni, my last attempt was last year during a period of several losses that occurred on an interruption year I had taken due to burn-out and unresolved trauma sliding into my life- you get where I'm going with the 'sometimes life is a bitch and your general and academic life can't be pretty and pristine' bit) I have been doing my best to balance comfort and productivity in a way that helps me look out for what I need right now whilst still getting in as much revisiom as I'm able to.

So! I thought I'd share my little tips for building a comfy study space when conditions are not ideal but you still gotta keep moving:

• abandon the 'do not study in bed' tip, but only for as long as it helps you as opposed to hindering you. I have tried sittimg up at a desk with pillows and blankets swathing me- and all I get for it is hefty back pain and constant awkward readjustments every time I start heating up or shift around in my seat too much. If you're ill, you aren't doing yourself any good sitting hunched over a desk either- and frankly your sleep is probably going to be buggered until you're feeling better anyways. So, if sitting at a desk is putting you off, prop up some pillows, rest your writing materials on a hard surface (a folder, an A4 hardback- a chopping board works for a cute wannabe lap desk too), and set a zone of your bed aside (or just use a bedside cabinet if you have one) for anything you'll be using fairly often- by which I mean stationary, textbooks you'll be using over the course of the next hour or so- just enough stuff to save you constantly getting up out of your comfy study bubble.

• listen to tesco: every little helps. What I like to do to get myself going when I'm feeling naff- which works also if you're simply having a difficult time focusing yourself for the day- is to do micro pomodoro sessions, where I'll dedicate myself to 5 minutes minimum of focused study. If I really can't bring myself to continue longer than 5 minutes, I'll let myself rest for a little while (up to 20-30 minutes) before getting myself to do another micro session. This may not seem very productive, but you are more likely to do a good hour of work on a bad day when you tell yourself you only need to do little 5 minute sessions, than procrastinating studying because you feel as if you'll have to sit up and focus for a much longer period of time for it to count. Every. Little. Helps. In 5 minutes you can run through a topic of flash cards, do a slide of lecture notes, answer small exam questions, do a page or two of readings- and on a good day, that 5 minutes might turn into 10 with a small break, then 15, then you'll find yourself picking up your regular pace in no time! But again, even 5 minutes, just one little session, is a win when the world is throwing hurdles at you <3

• maximise your comfort: you know the little things that bring you joy, and you don't habe to be rolling in cash to surround yourself with little things to keep you going when all you want to do is sleep. My current comforts are the loyal presence of my cat next to me, a few old blankets I can swaddle myself in to stare at the ceiling when my ovaries are throwing a tantrum, a little variety of teas (currently rocking a chai latte with home bargains vanilla syrup, girl gotta have her sweet relief), a pack of energy drinks, some painkillers, and a little incense tray nearby that I forget to use 70% of the time (though the remaining 30% makes up for that). None of this is in particular mandatory- if it were, the dog people of the world would be doomed. The point is, find your little comforts- an activity you can do from the comfort of your bed like a puzzle, sensory toy or just a book to doodle in, a certain type of drink or snack you really love, some smellies (perfume, incense, candles, wax melts, and so on), supplies for whatever ails you- little personal things to relax you whilst you try to gather your energy.

• Now is not the time to push it. I tend to find the times in which I am most likely to push myself past my limits are the times in whicj something is inhibiting me- the frustration of being bed-bound, fatigued due to chronic conditions, etc tends to make me feel even more than usual that I am not doing enough because of my awareness of my present restrictions. Though this post is about pusning through bad times, you should be doing so with self-compassion, and with the mindset that every little bit you achieve in your current state is a win, a bonus, even if you find yourself unable to work to the same standard as normal. You aren't well- you aren't supposed to be functioning at 100% because your body is only functioning at 50%, and if you want to get back to your regular stressed student self you need to rest! Remember that a slightly lower grade than you were expecting in the short-term is not a reflection on your character, and it's better to *be* better for the long-term than to work yourself into a ditch and burn-out when you are already at a low point.

• If healthy study you is a carefully rehearsed play, then sick study you is a completely improvised show. Don't knock the analogy, even if it is silly and obscure- when I am at my peak, I will time-block my studies, plan to do certain topics on certain days, do 30-5 or 50-10 study sessions, work during a set period from the morning to the mid afternoon.

When I am ill, I do not know when I will be unable to sit up to work. I do not know when I will be able to sleep, to stomach food, to concentrate- so I have to accept that the normal routines that keep me consistent have to be chucked in the bin for the time being. Instead of planning my whole day, I create a vague, rough outline of the next few things I want to get done. This way, I don't feel crushed when I start working on lecture notes and find myself flat out on my back crying 10 minutes later- I just pick up where I left off when I'm ready, and work in increments from there.

°•☆•°

Right now my sleep is a bit fudgy because of night sweats/panics and p a i n, and by building a cosy space and letting my plans adapt to my body's needs I've managed to get 3 hrs of lecture notes, 2 sets of flashcards, and a set of logic practise questkons done over night between 8pm-4:30am. If I had tried to stick to my regular 'good day' study routine, I don't think I would have lasted 15 minutes before giving up and crawling over to youtube with a bowl of white chocolate and a horlicks in hand.

It is this kind of adaptability to external conditions that allowed me to survive an unstable home situation during college that meant weeks without wifi, constantly moving between different homes and constant fear of eviction due to family debts I was too young to do anything about- and allowed me to get into the top university in London* as a working class girly from a council estate.

I was given the opportunity to do an extra year at college for free due to these circumstances and a great support network within the institute to make sure I got into the specific university that I wanted to, and I had to take an interruption after my firdt yesr of university because I am not a super-human, and I knew my limits- but I'm still going, and the time away I've had has paid off and gotten me back to my scrappy, chaotic, passionately nerdy self.

You can be messy and be a good student too- and you can get through the worst of times with a little adaptability, perseverance, a good support network and a little self care ♡

*Times Good University Guide, 2024.

[gothearts]

What's Sera and Adam's relationship like in Heaven? How does it change after he falls?

Post fall is sort of complicated to answer right now given how little I've put out of my au, so you're not going to get the FULL context until I finish putting out all of the characters. I'll do my best to give an abridged explanation ahdshdkjshdskjshskjh Sera was fond of Adam. It's not too far off from canon where she's weary of his behavior, but it's more in the direction of her worrying for just how spiteful he can be, trying to constantly reel him back in and dismiss the negativity. She knows what happens when someone is no longer deemed useful to heaven. She's been through it three times now. He lets the truth of the extermination slip, and she knows that she can no longer save him. He's now become a liability. At that point she would withdraw and refocus her efforts on Emily, as detached as it may seem. She can't dwell for her own well being and ability to uphold her roll in maintaining order. She doesn't know he's in hell. She thinks he's dead. As far as she knows, only angels can fall. Winners have never been slain and Sinners who had previously been reset are reincarnated just to lead the same sinful lives, leading to the notion that a soul cannot be changed, bringing forth the extermination. (There were no attempts to rehabilitate these souls prior, just a reset that still bore scars on the soul from past lives. Like reincarnation.) Adam is gone and Adam has failed, meaning that from what she knows, she'll never see him again. That's what she would respond with whenever Emily would bring it up, using him as a cautionary tale to keep Emily from questioning the will of heaven further. It does tear her up inside. That's four losses now. But she knows that if she cracks and shows the pain she's experiencing, she could be deemed unfit to uphold her role, being cast out too. Seraphiel from the book of Enoch, who she represents in my au, is a seraphim dedicated to the care of those below him. Therefore, so is Sera. She loved Adam as if he were hers, because that's how she views all of God's creation. It's her job to guide and nurture, The loss of Adam likely is the last blow to steel her heart, causing her to have no tolerance for Emily's dreams, deeming it necessary to guide her. It also results in cracking down further on Charlie, doing all she knows how to in order to keep her own people safe. As for Adam, the first betrayal comes when he calls for backup and nobody answers, leading to his demise aka fall. He's in denial at first that Sera hasn't came to save him. He likely has one of those "she's coming, you'll see!" moments that lead to him slowly wearing down as days turn to weeks until he has to accept that he's stuck here and what happened was not a mistake on heaven's behalf. They left him to die. It's a harsh realization that the kingdom you dedicated the last several millennia of your existence to does not hold unconditional love for you, and by extension, neither does Sera despite her intentions. As much as he loved Sera, being at the hotel and experiencing life without the constant pressure of someone expecting you to repress your misplaced anger instead of helping you through it as a true nurturer should, causes him to stop yearning for his own redemption. He's finding it here. Ironically in Hell. Angels only know how to repress because exploration is what lead to Lucifer's own downfall, and every being in heaven lives by that. But here, he gets to work through all the turmoil he's been caused and has caused. And the more he looks back on life on heaven with her, the more he realizes how miserable it was. The memories become bittersweet. The only thing their relationship ends up amounting to, is being the catalyst for him to rise above the future she unintentionally helped push him to succumb to. He can change and finally learn to let go. They will meet again, but that's writing for the future as i'm still fleshing out the first act, and this is like... third act stuff.

[missgryffin]

☰ send a fic and an unrelated trope and I’ll remix it

vindicated & amnesia 🥰

so anon chose violence today 😭

2k answer below the cut (obviously Vindicated spoilers ahead)

(ask from this list!)

🎶 have I known you twenty seconds, or twenty years? 🎶

About a year out from Hogwarts, James disappears on a mission, is found severely injured, and is ultimately taken, unconscious, to St. Mungo's. When he wakes up, he doesn't remember anything. The Healers don't know if his memory loss is due to head trauma or magic, or some combination of the two. But he's been in such a deep, dark grief over the loss of Lily that those closest to him think it best to let this be a fresh start/new life for him, and so they don't investigate his memory loss further. He continues working for the Order, getting back on his feet and back up to speed with magic with the help of Sirius, Remus, and Peter, and ultimately works his way back to being important enough as a leader that Dumbledore sends him as part of the delegation to America to seek MACUSA's aid.

He also, in this new lease on life, has found romance with a young woman named Emmeline Vance. They were connected through the Order, and though Emmeline had gone to Hogwarts, she was two years older than James and in Ravenclaw, so their paths hadn't really crossed in school anyway. Emmeline had gone to work at the Ministry after school, and was recruited to join the Order after the disastrous mission that left James injured, so she doesn't know much about James's life "before." James's closest friends don't talk about Lily much around James; they've alluded that he had a "bad breakup" after school, but have tried to downplay it so that he can move on without dwelling on it, and so this is the gist that Emmeline knows as well.

When Lily sees him in the Octagon Office, she's still practically brought to her knees, but James doesn't recognize her at all. She's so confused and convinced he's just ignoring her or playing some retributive game. So she slips him a note asking to meet that night to discuss some aspects of the intel that are more top secret, knowing that James wouldn't be able to turn that down even if he was trying to avoid her.

They meet at the Blind Pig and James is so earnestly asking about the intel that Lily's like "ok wait…do you really not know who I am?" James is politely puzzled, like "Er…no? Should I?" And the shock on Lily's face must clue him in, because he tells her, "I, um, actually had a bad accident a few years ago. An order mission. I don't remember what happened. I don't remember anything. I just woke up in St. Mungo's…" Lily's internally panicking and doesn't know what he has or hasn't been told, so she just says, "Oh, we were in Gryffindor together, same year at Hogwarts" and he's like "Oh cool. So you're in America now?" And they kind of make small talk for a bit? Because Lily can't tell him everything. And in the course of their small talk about her life and his life back home, he of course casually mentions his girlfriend. Lily's heart drops. She's barely able to keep up polite conversation, but she manages. Then she's like "well we should probably head out, get rested for tomorrow." And he's like "what about the intel?" And she gets all flustered and has to admit that that was a ruse to get him to meet her because she was convinced that he was playing games with her by not recognizing her. And James is frowning, like "Why would I do that?" And Lily's like shit shit shit in her head and covers it up with, "We, er, didn't always get on at school? Kind of an up and down thing. And it didn't exactly leave on on good terms when I, erm, left for America." James still seems like he's processing this all, and they leave through the alleyways. But before she leaves he grabs her arm ("Wait—") and is chewing his lip before he asks, "Were we…?" Lily swallows hard. "A…a bit, yeah. At school." "Oh." "But it was a long time ago." "Okay." And they part ways.

On the boat, the first day's planning sessions go normally. Lily tries to avoid James as best she can because it's too painful, but seeing him in action, she's confronted with the James she knew and fell in love with, even if he doesn't know it. Late at night, she can't sleep, and so she wanders up on deck with some tea. James is already there, bracing against the railing and just watching the ocean. He spots her over his shoulder. "Sorry," Lily says. "I didn't mean to disturb you." "No, you're not at all, I just…couldn't sleep." "Me either." They slip into a surprisingly deep conversation. James is trying to process a lot of information. Tells her, "I just have this nagging feeling…and I don't know what it is, or what it means. But I feel like I should remember, and I don't. And I feel like other people know, but they're not telling me. I can just…see it in their eyes, you know? There's more than they're saying. More than you're saying. Something happened at school, I just know it, and no one's telling me what it is." It feels like her heart's being ripped out of her chest. "Maybe…if something did happen…people think it's for the best not to remember?" James scoffs, looking back out at the ocean. "It's my life. My memories. I should decide if I want to forget them or not." They've drifted closer together, and when a hard wave rocks the boat, James catches her against him. They have an eye-lock moment, and Lily wants more than anything to kiss him, but she doesn't and goes to bed.

The second day, Lily feels James's eyes on her more. There's the start of a strange, sizzling tension that she's trying to push away. That evening, a small group is having a nightcap. Ruby's asking James about his girlfriend. He's seeming a little awkward, keeps glancing at Lily as he answers. Ruby's cooing over his relationship and like, "Aww, love isn't dead after all." When James is like "Huh?" Ruby's like "Well, I've been jaded by the awful dating scene in New York, and Lily's been hung up on some ex guy for years—"

James immediately looks at Lily; she's mortified and makes an excuse to run away to her room. James follows her, they're standing on opposite sides of the door as James is like "Lily…" but she cuts him off. "Don't." "Can we please talk?" "You should go." "Was that me? Your ex Ruby was referring to?" Lily doesn't answer, and in the waiting silence, Ken comes down. They're running into the fringes of a huge storm, and they need all hands on deck.

After the danger of the storm has passed, they reassemble as a group. James is drenched in ocean; Lily's drenched in sweat, stripped down to a sports bra and covered in soot. They're eye-fucking the shit out of each other. But nothing transpires, and Lily cleans up in her en suite before getting some sleep.

Tension only seems to build on the third day, and reality settles in as they all realize the gravity of what lies very soon ahead of them. James comes to Lily's room that night. It starts off arguing because Lily's trying to push him away, but James is like, "This is what you meant, isn't it? Up and down? You and me? Just like this?" She doesn't want to answer, James is reaching a breaking point, like, "Just fucking tell me." They're so close their chests are practically touching, and he lowers his voice. "It's bad enough, seeing you every day, feeling so many things I'm not supposed to fucking feel —" She can't help herself. "Like what? What do you feel?" His eyes are wild. "I wanted to rip those clothes off you last night," he admits. "I can't keep my eyes off you. I can't stop thinking about you. I can't stop…fucking wanting you. But all of it also feels…familiar, somehow." He tucks her hair behind her ear. "Like we've done this before."

Her tears bead over. "We have," she whispers. "Many...many times." He cups her cheeks. "We could die tomorrow." A shuddering breath. "We could." His nose nudges along hers. "I really don't want to die not remembering twenty years of my life." Lily breathes, "Emmeline…" but James gives a slight shake of his head. "What I do trying to get my memories back — get my life back — is on my conscience, not yours." More tears come. "But it is," she protests. "What I did…James, I'm what they don't want you to remember." "I don't understand." Lily cups his face. "You're not supposed to," she tells him, crying. "You're supposed to move on." For a long moment, they study each other; she can tell he's thinking. Then he mutters, "That's bullshit," and kisses her.

It's home. It's sweet, warm fire. It's giddy first times and insatiable desire. One kiss turns into long, deep kisses, turns into hands all over each other, turns into a night of giving in to each other. He's so different but also still the same, and she thinks he's feeling the same thing, even though he can't understand it like she can.

"Whatever you did," he mumbles into her neck while they're naked, entwined, coming down. "I forgive you." Lily's cry-laughing. "That's not how it works, James." "Sure it is." He cradles her head, gazes into her eyes. "If I don't make it out tomorrow—" "James—" "I forgive you."

----

The mission happens the same, only Emmeline is there at the start, and Lily looks away from them embracing after she sees Emmeline go in for a kiss. That's when she talks to the Marauders.

James doesn't remember school year drama with Snape, but there's been enough adult bad tension since that he still hates him. Lily saves James's life. Dumbledore explains about Horcruxes. Lily agrees to start this quest of finding them. And then Emmeline bursts through the door, flooded with relief at seeing James alive. "I heard —" They embrace, and Lily feels sick. James tells Emmeline, "I still have to take care of a few things. I'll come by after, yeah?"

On Dumbledore's orders, he takes Lily to a safe house Dumbledore owns that's currently unoccupied, a little cottage in a village called Godric's Hollow, not far from the Potters' estate, which is currently being used as Order Headquarters and which is where the Marauders live. Lily wants to be in his arms more than anything, but she feels guilty and dirty over what they did and how he doesn't remember the truth of all that transpired between them. James is very firm as he says, "I'm going to tell her what happened. And then I'm going to figure out how to get my memories back."

Lily knows there's no stopping him once he's set his mind to something, but she's also terrified: "You might hate me." Sirius shows up. "I had a feeling something was going on." James is angry at Sirius for keeping stuff from him. The arguing escalates. Lily's like, "James, once you go down this path, there's no going back. You have a life now, a happy life. You don't have all the pain I caused—"

"I WANT THE PAIN!" he shouts at both of them. "I can't keep living a life not feeling like it's truly mine. I'm missing twenty years. Twenty." His gaze lands on Lily, blazing. "And after what you made me feel within a matter of fucking days…I can't go back. I can't pretend."

James and Sirius leave, Lily's an emotional mess, and that's where we end? Except then there's more, like a sequel or a part 2, wherein they all live in the fallout while searching for Horcruxes. Lily has to repair her relationships with the Marauders. James has a messy breakup with Emmeline. They don't know who the mole was. James and Lily are struggling to stay away from each other (cue lots of cozy but slightly forbidden feeling Godric's Hollow sex). Lily and the Marauders are trying to research Horcruxes while also figure out how to get James his memories back. He ultimately does but it results in Jily taking a break—

[countlessrealities]

@statiicstag from HERE

A voice. Dreamlike, it carries across the room and through the ruin; the words drift to his ears which twitch with acknowledgement. Alastor himself sits slumped against his desk in the mess that remains of his radio tower, a bloody heap.

It would appear that this voice in particular will always be able to snap him into some state of consciousness, even now. How unfortunate.

Crimson eyes creak open, and though his grin widens the emotion he feels is a far cry from joy as he takes in the face in front of him. If this is how and where he expires for good, he would rather do it alone, and not under the watchful eye of . . . someone he does not know how to put a name to. He will blame blood loss on the lack of ability to come up with a proper term.

Radio static crackles around them, permeating his voice in his weakened state and making it rather hard to understand the words that attempt to slip from a mouth that drips blood.

❝ Is that so? You've a rather fine opportunity to do so now, then. ❞ Alastor replies, somehow still having the ability to muster up some cheek as he moves his arms to his sides. The movement exposes the severity of his wound and just how much crimson drips from it, a trail leading from what remains of the door to him.

He's not truly offering himself up. He knows good and well Vox won't take the opportunity. If that were the case, he'd had already done so.

❝ It's rude to keep a man waiting, you know. ❞

Vox scowls at Alastor's comeback. It doesn't surprise him, of course, because the crazy motherfucker always had to be the one on top of the situation...even when he obviously was not. It's annoying as hell, just as the taunting in itself. It almost makes him regret his decision to leave the Tower and risk getting caught in the mess that surrounds what's left of the Hotel. Without even grabbing his jacket.

Why in the seven Rings does he like this guy again?

"I wouldn't call it a 'fine opportunity'. There's no satisfaction in striking down someone who's already dying on their own," the Overlord scoffs, making a show of rolling his eyes even if his rival probably can't see that. "You look like shit and I have more class than that."

Of course, things are much more complicated than that. For as much as he enjoys seeing the Radio Demon getting his ass kicked and reduced to this sort of pitiful mess, he doesn't actually want him to meet his double death. For reasons he'd rather not dwell on.

The static echoes unpleasantly through his speakers as he steps forward, crouching down in front of Alastor to better assess the damage. He can't fully see the wound with the clothes in the way, but it's obvious that it's bad, and the amount of blood the bastard has already lost is all the confirmation he needs.

Vox's eyes dart around, scanning their surroundings. There's no way there could be anything sort of first aid kit in that wreck, assuming that Alastor has something of the sort to start with. Well, shit. He can see only one working option left there.

"But since you don't like to be left waiting, you leave me just one choice..." He starts again, standing up.

His voice trails off, purposefully leaving the other hanging so he can grab him while he's distracted. Under other circumstances, daring something like that would probably get him killed, but he's confidence that the other is too weak for that right now.

"You're paying for my dry cleaner," he announces. properly adjusting his arms around the Radio Demon, one hooked under his legs and the other holding his back. "Blood is a bitch to wash off."

[pomplalamoose]

Can we pls have some anh luke hc just after he joined the rebellion?🙏

Aaaahhhh that's a super interesting ask, especially because this doesn't get talked about in the movies or the books👀

I apologize if these are a little bit messy and all over the place, I had a very long day at work and wasn't sure whether I should post at all (but I really wanted to lol so here you go, anon🩵)

• Luke usually is a very positive thinking and easily excitable person, so I don't think it would take him overly long to adapt to new situations and surroundings 

• at least under normal conditions

• right after he joins the rebellion they are far from normal though, and I'm sure that even the little things, like a short moment of quiet, would serve as a reminder that 

• he lost everything 

• for the very first time in his life he is far away from home and all alone 

• he had to leave behind everyone and everything he ever knew

• he couldn't even say goodbye or bring some personal belongings that might've been important to him 

• now is the time that the loss of Obi-Wan, as a well as the deaths of of his aunt and uncle, really set in 

• and let's be real, all three were brutal and followed each other so closely that it makes them even harder to process

• not only did he see his home destroyed but also witnessed the murder of the man, that he believed would lead him from here on forward

• he got shot at and nearly died several times himself 

• (at this point he probably doesn't care about that much but it's still a stress factor)

• it's only natural to assume that Luke is not doing well

• I see him being very nervous and kind of jittery, unable to remain still

• he's slightly uncomfortable as well, scared of what will happen next

• he hasn't known Leia, Han and Chewie for long but already fears that something horrible will happen to them too

• he doesn't even know where Han and Chewie are for that matter or if he'll ever see them again 

• he wants to keep them safe but knows there is not much he can do

• I think this leads to him being very frustrated and, to keep going, he turns his fear and helplessness into anger 

• he has nightmares in which again and again he has to look upon the burned bodies of his family 

• at least R2 is with him and makes for good company

• they grow much closer during that time and Luke is so grateful to have him around 

• I'm kind of conflicted because on one hand it might be a good thing there is so much going on that he can't really take his time to arrive and settle down 

• theoretically it keeps him from overthinking and dwelling on the traumatic events 

• but on the other hand it would be so important for Luke to have time to grieve and for looking after himself 

• it's incredibly harsh and unfair but eventually he will have to decide on his priorities and on what to do

• will he succumb to his anger and despair 

• or will he keep going 

• somehow he still possesses the strength to keep going and to focus on the here and now

• there is so much to discover too!

• there are new foods and drinks to try and he's so enthusiastic about them 

• he gets new outfits, which I see him gushing over because I'm sure the only clothes he owned before were hand me downs from his uncle 

• he's so very proud about the pilot uniform he gets to wear too 

• he looks at it whenever he can 

• also there is so much to do and he wants to help out wherever he can 

• maybe he gets to take the first actual shower of his life 

• (did he know before that showering with water is actually a thing?)

• he finally has the opportunity to look at ships and their repairs from up close 

• I think he'd hang around the hangars and the pilots a lot, asking them all kinds of questions about their life and adventures with the rebellion 

• because there are so many new people Luke would be hesitant in his approach at first 

• while he's very eager to learn and desperately wants to get to know as many of them as possible, he doesn't want to interrupt their work 

• he doesn't want to be a burden 

• we don't know for sure if he got bullied back on Tatooine or not

• maybe Wormie is just an affectionate nick name?

• either way he worries about not being qualified and good enough 

• sure, he saved Princess Leia but he didn't do that alone, he had help

• what if nobody takes him seriously? He's just a boy from a desert planet 

• but to his surprise everyone greets him with open arms

• suddenly he's being flirted with too???

• he is confused™

• speaking of Leia though...he wonders if he'll get to spend more time with her when this is over?

• or at least for a few minutes in between?

• he wants to 

• when will he see her again?

• she's so nice and for some reason he feels drawn to her, it's unlike anything he ever experienced with someone else before 

• I think he'd look up to her too, admiring her strength and bravery 

• like so many others he feels inspired by her

[invested-in-your-future]

What do you think they did wrong with Ruby dealing with her issues?

Long story short - everything.

See, to begin, this connects to one of other pet-peeves I have with the show and the community - and that is people throwing around the idea that "since Yang has trauma we don't need another one one (with psychological trauma)".

It's VERY easy to throw around terms like "trauma" while also inevitably putting bunch of very different experiences together as one and the same.

So first of all, I would like to preface what I am about to say with a pretty simple statement - Ruby's Trauma is not the same as Yang's Trauma is not the same as Blake's trauma is not the same as Weiss trauma.

The way to handle grief is different from PTSD which is also pretty different from the way one would handle a battered-woman syndrome or parental abuse. All are traumatic experiences but they aren't the same.

I think most would agree that a lot of Ruby's issues deal with grief - her journey started with the loss of her mother which she never processed and V3 ended with very important people to her dying right in front of her.

Grief can be…very tricky.

I often like to say that grief is almost "manipulative" towards its host in that it wears many faces - manifesting through very different things within person's life. It's very easy to write it off as "anger" or as "feeling sad', but grief can also make a person feel nostalgic, for example or even induce temporary happiness via that nostalgia. Sometimes it won't rear its head for long while and sometimes, its there with the person every second of every day. Or sometimes a person might wake up in the morning and just not want to get up at all, struggling to find meaning in what they do.

That makes it tricky to deal with it when the key aspect of "dealing" (or rather "living with") trauma is being able to parse and proccess it - how can one process grief if they don't necessarily recognize it? I sort of attempt to reflect that in rewrite in that Ruby might jump from very different viewpoints as she doesn't really know how to handle it and how sometimes specific things being set might set her off too.

Grief is something that manifests VERY differently with each person - there's no magic solution that fits all.

I don't think even "keeping it in the backround" would be as much of an issue - for example it would have been plausible for Ruby to be COMPLETELY happy for entire story up until they get to Atlas and then just within seconds go off-the-rails. Or Ruby could be constantly enveloped in it, finding herself unable to escape - that sometimes happens too - grief is tricky.

The issue is that show doesn't really do either. At no point in the story is Ruby actually allowed to process her trauma or even properly experience it. The show doesn't have her "ignore it" nor "indulge in it". The narrative just gestures towards Ruby and shrugs that she's feeling "some way".

Talking about postponing or ignoring it - a common thing with grief, is that it's very "tempting" to attempt to "postpone" one's grief - "Oh I'll just do this and that, I can't deal with this right now.".

The worst thing you can do with grief is not allowing yourself to actually proccess it - to completely ignore it and to dull your emotions and pretend you haven't gone through a life-changing experience. It's VERY important to let yourself actually grieve.

It sure would be REALLY awful if the end message of a certain volume of RWBY show were to be that you have to just push through and ignore everything in your past and not "dwell" on it and just believe you are perfect and unchanging, even if it meant using a VERY AWFUL analogy to "shed" your issues, huh?

[arctrooper69]

The Hands of Father Time

50 years is a long time. Kix searches for peace and closure.

A/N: Poor Kix. I don't know why I do this to him. He doesn't deserve it. I'm so sorry. I swear I'll write a happy one next time.

Warnings: PostStasis!Kix. Angst. Sad memories.

--------------------------------------------------

There's an old woman here who sits by the forest. She usually keeps to herself - silent as she meditates. If you take the time to listen, she'll tell you her story - how she fought beside some of the bravest men she's ever met. She smiles when she tells you about them, but it's always bittersweet. When one war ended, she bravely fought another when all she wanted to do was lie down and die. There's a longing in her eyes, gazing ahead at someone no one else can see. At dusk, she returns home only to come back at sunrise to sit once more in meditation.

She has nightmares sometimes. I've heard her crying in her sleep. It's always names. Jesse. Kix. Hardcase. I'm not sure who they are but I can tell she loves them. Or loved them. They're all dead now, I think. She misses them. Sometimes, when she thinks she's alone, I hear her whisper to them. She apologizes; begs for their forgiveness.

She's hurting inside. Even when she's awake, she still sees ghosts. They follow her around and steal her breath away when she dwells there too long. She watches them die again and again when she closes her eyes. That's why she's so angry. She's so sad and so scared, and so alone. Through the Force she tries hard to find peace, but it doesn't come. Go to her. Find her and she will find peace.

**********************************************

50 years is a long time. Kix sits in the back of a bar on a planet he's never been to before, holding the letter that he's read again and again.

But some things never change. Lights dance over the walls while rowdy patrons move to the music with a beat that Kix can feel in his bones.

"You seem lonely." A blue skinned Twi-lek saunters up to him, running her fingers lightly down his arm. "I can help with that." She winks at him, leaning so close that he can smell her perfume. Her outfit clings to every curve, accentuating every asset. Kix lets his eyes linger only for a moment before he shakes his head, politely dismissing her. She huffs and stalks away. "Your loss, handsome."

Kix leans back into his booth, closing his eyes. If he stayed here too long, he'd see Fives over at the bar, chatting up a pretty girl. He'd see Echo sitting not far behind, egging his brother on with a grin, all the while keeping an ever vigilant eye on his back. Blinking through the haze, Kix's eyes imagine Jesse challenging him to a game of whatever he and Hardcase decided to play that night. If he closes his eyes, he can almost hear their voices.

This is too much. The noise. The lights. The thumping base that rattles his bones. The memories. But they're all long dead. You're too late.

Though he hasn't had a drink, Kix stumbles outside into the alleyway gasping for breath. He slides down the wall as his legs give way. The tears come heavy and hot. His breaths come faster and faster until his face goes numb, lungs aching for reprieve.

**********************************************

Fifty years is a long time. Kix slowly steps from his speeder. He'd been longing for answers but now he's afraid of what he might find.

A woman sits on a bench overlooking a neverending forest. Her silver hair blows gentle and free with every airy breeze. She knows that he's here simply by the beating of his heart and by the longing in his soul. Fifty years is a long time.

"I've missed you, Kix." Her voice is deeper than he remembers. He can't respond; his body won't let him. "I've missed you so much."

Yes, it was still her voice. Older, matured with age and wiser by experience, but still her voice. Even after a hundred years Kix would know that voice.

"I..." The tears came again, catching him by surprise. He sat down beside her, gently grasping her hands - now spotted and fragile with age. He held her close to his side. "I'm here now, Mesh'la. I'm here."

--------------------------------------------------

@zoeykallus @ttzamara @nahoney22 @merkitty49 @viva-la-whump @agenteliix @dumpsters-little-matchbook @nekotaetae @ladykatakuri @loverofclones @heyitsaloy @padawancat97

If you want to be on my taglist, feel free to send me a message! Also, asks are open! Reblogging is very much encouraged and it makes me do a happy dance every time any of my writing gets reblogged 😂❤️

[memory-echo]

Love Under a Leaky Parasol - Part 5

Jiro goes back to work eventually. Since he’s being hunted down by the secret police, his boss hides him in his home. One day, he gets a phone call from his boss telling him Nahoko has suffered a lung hemorrhage; a clear sign of her deteriorating health. I’m not sure if the image we see is Jiro’s imagination or if it’s factual, but the lung hemorrhage is deeply disturbing. 

Jiro goes into shock after hearing the news, but he goes into full panic mode once he realizes that the telegram his boss read to him is already two days old. He frantically changes his clothes and immediately gets himself on the noon bus to go to Tokyo by train. He wants to be there to help her and comfort her, but he fears it’s too late already. On the road to Tokyo, Jiro tries to work as a form of keeping his mind busy, so that he doesn’t give into despair, but while he’s doing his calculations, tears run freely down his face, denouncing the emotional turmoil he’s experiencing. His love for Nahoko is a driving force in his life, and the uncertainty of her condition is taking a heavy toll on him.

The minute Jiro arrives at her residence, he avoids the front door for fear of being kept for too long by her father. He can’t wait a moment longer, so he crosses the garden and spots a light in Nahoko’s room. He sees her lying in bed, breathing softly. As soon as she notices his presence, he bursts into the room and throws himself into her arms. 

Nahoko is overjoyed to hold him again, and she caresses his head lovingly. This moment is filled with a sense of longing, relief, and the joy of being reunited. Their urgent embrace is a symbol of their deep love, hope and resilience. 

Jiro apologizes, assuring her that he wished he could’ve been there sooner, and they share a tender kiss. 

As much as she loves him, as much as she is relieved by his presence, Nahoko can’t stop worrying about his safety. “You’ll catch it,” she said, with a trembling voice, fearing that the white plague would consume him as well, due to their proximity. Jiro doesn’t dwell on her fears. He says simply “You’re beautiful.” Nahoko shakes her head vehemently. His casual attitude about the risk of infection makes her feel a little uneasy. 

There’s nothing beautiful about Tuberculosis… Even though Hayao Miyazaki doesn’t show us many of the symptoms (apart from that gastly hemoptysis scene). Nahoko probably suffers a range of symptoms from anemia, loss of weight and appetite, labored breathing, fever, fatigue, general malaise… We never see her coughing nor do we hear any wheezing when she breathes, but again, Miyazaki doesn’t want to go to the nitty-gritty of TB symptoms. This particular scene is highlighted by the fact that when we see her in bed her breathing is rapid and shallow. She can't quite seem to take a deep breath anymore. 

Whichever symptoms she actually has, no person can feel at ease when they are at death’s doors. Jiro doesn’t care about the risks; he sees past the disease, into the eyes of the valiant woman he fell in love with. He mutters a heartfelt “I love you”, showing the depth of his devotion and his willingness to face any obstacle with her. Nahoko is deeply moved by his words. Tears stream down her face as she pulls him in for a yearning embrace, thankful for his love, taking comfort in his soothing presence during this terrifying moment, wishing to keep him there with her forever.

His visit has a magical effect on her. When her father reaches her room, her voice denounces a much cheerier mood, even though Jiro can’t stay for long. In front of his future father-in-law, Jiro says that the next time he comes for a visit, he’ll use the front door. Maybe he doesn’t want to fall off his father-in-law’s good graces by breaching etiquette, but Nahoko assures him that the garden is much more fun than the front door. Jiro smiles and agrees to indulge her will. After all, the garden entrance is a more secluded route, away from prying eyes, and she was as surprised as she was thankful for his spontaneous entrance. Nahoko, unlike her father, is a free-spirit and doesn’t care for that level of formality or etiquette. Jiro’s gesture reminds her of the playful spontaneity of their courtship in the mountains, and him being willing to do whatever it takes to be with her.

On his way out, Jiro says: “Is it that serious? I wish I could look after her.” He feels helpless against an enemy as daunting as Tuberculosis. Mr. Satomi has been through this process before, when he lost his wife to the White Plague. He assures him “The way to do that is to focus on your work.” In truth, there’s nothing Jiro can do for Nahoko other than succeeding at his work and ensuring a better future for her. Besides, he knows his daughter well enough to know that she would not want her illness to hinder Jiro’s dreams and ambitions. It is necessary to strike a balance between Jiro’s work and his personal life, and that is the ultimate challenge for any young couple. 

Mr. Satomi might also be trying to protect Jiro’s emotional wellbeing. He knows how emotionally draining it is to see someone you love suffer without being able to alleviate their pain, and he doesn’t want Jiro to get too close to Nahoko and then have to watch her die. By focusing on his work, Jiro will be able to maintain a sense of purpose and avoid becoming overwhelmed by the challenges of Nahoko’s condition.

When Mr. Satomi returns to the house, he finds his daughter with tears in her eyes. A whole new battle is raging inside her. She seems to have accepted her fate, until Jiro walks back into her life, although I’m not sure if she is accepting or just resigned… When we see her at the hotel in the mountains, she has this apparent serene attitude towards her life. It makes me wonder: what was she doing in the mountain hotel with her father? Well, the mountain is high in the Japanese Alps (good quality air), she gets to be there with her father (her remaining family member) at a safe distance (because she doesn’t want him to get sick), and she gets to enjoy her life while throwing herself into her art (she’s an oil painter whose passion provides her with a sense of purpose and joy). It’s the best possible scenario for the remaining members of the Satomi family. 

But then the wind rises and Jiro is brought back into her life… His love for her and her love for him rekindle her fighting spirit, compelling her to go against the cursed destiny that had been set for her after her mother’s death. In the face of insurmountable odds, love provides the strength and courage to persevere.

Nahoko accepted Jiro’s marriage proposal on the condition that she would get better from her Tuberculosis first. Only one question remains: how far along is her illness, and can she even get better from it? Because we are never given details on exactly how advanced it is, we want to think that it’s in its early stages. When she’s at the mountain hotel, she has a fever, but since she caught a real downpour, that doesn’t appear strange at first. It’s only after we know that fever is a symptom of Tuberculosis and that getting soaked diminishes the immune system’s response, do we start thinking that this fever is connected to the rain, but it’s also connected to TB. If there was any equilibrium in the disease before, the downpour might have contributed to the disequilibrium in favor of the infection. And then, not long after, she suffered a lung hemorrhage. There’s no coming back from this disease, she’s past the point of no return. Going to a sanatorium is not going to heal her, but as long as she thinks she has a shot at gaining a few months, weeks or even days with Jiro, she will give it a try.

[oogaboogaspookyman]

In memory of Divide...

[Silly Billy]

{1}

IT'S ALL THE SAME THING EVERY DAY

ANOTHER 24 HOURS OF PRETENDING TO BE ALIVE

*facade*

(I AM ALIVE, EVERYTHING IS JUST FINE WITH ME)

{2}

EVERYTHING IS FINE, CAN'T YOU SEE THE SMILE ON MY FACE?

THIS SMILE HAS WON AWARDS BEFORE, I DON'T EVER WANT IT OFF, IT'D BE A DISGRACE

*DENIAL*

(I AM ALIVE, I'M STILL KICKING, DESPITE EVERYTHING)

{3}

LOOK AT ME, MYSELF, YOU WHO SEEMS SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME

DON'T YOU THINK THE TREASURES THAT YOU HARBOR ARE MORE THAN GOLD?

*appreciate...*

(APPRECIATE YOUR LOVED ONES)

{4}

EVERY DAY I FEEL SO FANTASTIC, SWIMMING IN MY DELUSION OF HAPPINESS

*delusion*

(SO MUCH DELUSION)

{5}

I FEEL FANTASTIC

OH CAN'T YOU SEE?

I'M HAPPY

*you lie to yourself*

(OF COURSE I KNOW THE TRUTH, BUT I'D RATHER LIVE A HAPPY LIE THAN A BITTER REALITY)

(I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE BUT MY OWN SANITY AND LIFE)

(SO MIGHT AS WELL DIE A SMILING MAN LIKE YOU)

{6}

OH WHAT A SCENE, A SING-OFF BETWEEN TITANS OF THE INDUSTRY OF MUSICAL WONDERS

I COULD LOSE MYSELF IN MY OWN MELODIES OF DELUSION AND MY FEELING OF JOY

*and yet it's fake*

(SO MUCH JOY)

(I SMILE SO MUCH)

{7}

I DON'T FEAR THE FALL UNTIL IT COMES TO MAKE ME CRUMBLE DOWN

I WILL DIE A SMILING MAN LIKE YOU

OH I DON'T FEAR THE FALL UNTIL IT COMES

TO MAKE ME

I SHALL PERSIST IN THE NAME OF MY LOVE, I MUST KEEP MOVING ON AS I'D PROMISED TO HER ONE FATEFUL NIGHT

YOURSELF YOURSELF

[8]

HAHA

LOOK AT ME NOW

HAHA

I FEEL SO FANTASTIC

HAHA

I'M TOTALLY OKAY, IT'S NOT DELUSION I FEEL JUST FINE, NO WORRIES

*you copy me? To feel like yourself? I pity you*

(HAHA, EVERYTHING IS FINE)

(THERE'S NOTHING TO CRY OVER ANYMORE, I'VE ALREADY SHED EVERY TEAR I EVER HAD)

[9]

PLEASE I BEG OF YOU TO STOP TRYING TO GIVE ME A REALITY CHECK I DO NOT NEED

JUST SAY I'M FINE AND IN A PERFECT DELUSION AS A HAPPY PEACEFUL MAN LIVING A HAPPY PEACEFUL LIFE

*please*

(I'VE ALWAYS BEEN FINE, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A HAPPY MAN)

(I'M STILL YOUR AGE, ALIVE AND KICKIN', NEVER STOPPED THE CHOKIN')

[10]

I'M EATING AND TAKING CARE OF MYSELF, LIVING IN SELF INDULGENCE TO NUMB THE PAIN OF LOSS

*please...*

(I AM JUST FINE, JUST SAY IT I'M FINE PLEASE)

[11]

I'LL NEVER FEAR THE FALL UNTIL IT ARRIVES TO MAKE ME FEAR IT FOR ONCE NOW

*it's okay to fear*

(I WILL NOT FEAR WHAT'S NOT)

[12]

Look at yourself in the mirror behind you and notice the holes on your clothes

Oh can't you see? You are rotting away

Just let me help you, let's take baby steps together

{13}

THE PAIN IN MY HEART IS NOTHING COMPARED TO THE JOY I LOOK FOR

I KNOW I CAN BECOME BETTER AND GET OUT OF THIS STATE OF GRIEF, IT'S ONLY AN OBSTACLE NO BIG DEAL

*it's a process*

(GRIEF IS NOTHING FOR ME, MY JOY IS EVERYTHING)

(IT'S ALL SELF INDULGENCE, PAIN IS THE REBELLION)

{14}

I MADE A PROMISE TO HER THAT I WOULD LIVE ON IN HER NAME, TO LOOK FOR WHAT JOYS LIFE HAS TO OFFER

I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR SO LONG THAT I AM STARVED

*there's no honour*

(LIFE HAS IT'S UPS AND DOWNS, SO WHERE ARE THE UPS I'VE BEEN PROMISED I WOULD FIND?)

{15}

I DON'T WANT TO SEE THE TRUTH, I'D RATHER LIVE MY LIE

DON'T WANT TO FACE REALITY, I'D RATHER LIVE MY DELUSION

*accept it*

{16}

I FEEL FANTASTIC, WHY AM I EVEN HERE?

*because you need to know*

I DON'T NEED SOME STUPID THERAPIST

*you need to see*

(I DON'T NEED TO SEE SOME TRUTH THAT ONLY HURTS ME WHEN I COULD LIVE A LIE WHERE I FEEL NOTHING)

(IT'S ALL THE SAME THING EVERY DAY TO ME NOW, JUST 24 HOURS OF CONSTANT SUFFERING AND DECAY)

{17}

ROTTING AWAY IS FINE BY ME AT THIS POINT, HAVING LOST EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE I COULDN'T CARE ANY LESS

*so you know*

(I MAY BE DEAD BUT)

{18}

WHAT'S THE POINT IN CRYING AND WHINING OVER SUCH A SIMPLE MERE SETBACK?

I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO AND LOOK AND HOPE FOR ANYWAY

LET'S NOT DWELL IN MATTERS THAT HAVE NO IMPORTANCE, LET'S JUST HAVE FUN SINGING OUR LIVES AWAY!

*you have no throat to sing with anymore, it's been years*

(WHO CARES IF I'M DEAD?)

(I FEEL SO GOOD)

{19}

WHAT'S THE POINT IN CRYING AND WHINING OVER SUCH A SIMPLE MERE SETBACK?

I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO AND LOOK AND HOPE FOR ANYWAY

*YOU ARE DEAD, JUST LIKE HER*

(WHO CARES IF I'M DEAD?)

(I FEEL SO GOOD THAT IT HURTS MY SOUL)

{20}

HOW WOULD I BE DEAD ANYWAY, I DON'T SEE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE ANYMORE SHE'S RIPPED AWAY FROM ME THAT DAY IN THE CAR CRASH

CURSE HER FATHER FOR THAT NIGHT, DRINKING HIS STUPID WOES AWAY, DROWNING WHAT'S BETTER DEALT WITH THAN SHELVED...

{21}

The truth

{00}

In the end i guess it really is true, i am a walking shell of my former self

Oh how i fell, i fell hard from my grace and i regret it all

I've made a promise that i soon after broke

We can start again, all the way from scratch but a better start nonetheless, you look like you need one anyway

(I have made mistakes)

You've fallen from grace, that you now know well, but you can try again

(So many awful mistakes)

Let's just take baby steps, the two of us together

(I feel like a freak–)

[01]

I have made mistakes and fallen hard from my own grace, i can't see the light at the end of the tunnel but i guess i can try, just for you

(You've made mistakes and fallen hard from your own grace, i can help you see the light at the end of it all, just at least try it but for you)

{The End}

[vershl]

heeeyy thank you and Foxybatty for helping with the New Game comic, love both of your works!

also the centipede story is so relatable, except my recent problem has been more on the spider scale! they're big as well and l've been sleeping on the couch instead for a few days, though they're starting to bring me rage the more I see them than fear tbh. they do end up in the trash either soaked with venom or being violently smacked by the broom, can’t wait for winter agh—

what is this new future au btw? can you tell us more about that if you can?

SOBS, thank you! It really is an honor to be able to work on New Game alongside Frontier, it's crazy how far I've come into the fandom only since April. 😭 -- OUGH I have severe arachnophobia so I do not wish to be in your shoes 💀Kill them, kill them all. -- So, New Future takes place after Shattered Future (which I haven't talked about really tbh). I can't go into TOO much detail, because reasons-- but;

In short- New Future starts many years after Sonic has passed from old age. Shadow keeps himself busy by looking into strong power signatures both in his dimension as well as other dimensions, a way to prevent dwelling on Sonic's death (it affected him VERY deeply because they'd been together for 60+ years).

Shadow finds himself going to another dimension's version of Moebius, where he finds King.

There isn't really much more to say simply because it's very new and not fleshed out in the slightest, but they DO eventually get together, and Shadow chooses to stay with King. Which yes, he leaves his own dimension's Mobius in the hands of his kids (tbh he probably hasn't even really talked to them nor seen them in some time, while he loves his kids, looking at them brings old memories and therefore the pain of loss).

[noblebs]

🏷️🎁🤲👨‍👩‍👧‍👦💘

thank you Kraken! 🖤 I'm just going to keep answering these for Orion, I'm sure everyone's sick of hearing about him by now but Im not ready to talk in-depth about my two newer characters yet ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

🏷️: What is their full name? Do any of their names have any special meaning? How did you come up with them?

haha his full, complete, real name is just Orion. he tacked on Murphy as a surname to blend in better with humans, but it has no significance tbh

it’s just a name Ive always really really liked the shape & sound of, I briefly thought about renaming myself Orion before I picked Skylar so it was still fresh in my mind when I was making him

🎁: If they needed to give a friend a gift, how would they go about choosing one? Would they buy it, make it, or do something else? Would others consider them good at gift-giving?

ooh Orion would probably be great at gift-giving, but she does it very rarely. I think fae consider giving gifts uncouth at best* so it's not her first inclination, but yeah if she decided to do it she'd look for something she knows would be meaningful/relevant to their interests and personalize it in some way on top of that. you better believe if she's going to do something it's going to be over the top

*fae are all about social contracts and interpersonal debts, so giving a gift without expecting something in return is like walking up to someone and saying, "I do not want to be friends with you." fortunately Orion has assimilated into human society well enough to know that they fucking love it when you do that

🤲: Do they have any deep desires that they don't talk about and/or don't even realize they have? Do these desires conflict with their main goal at all?

ohohoho okay so, Orion has wanted to become human for ~20 years because of the death of her human lover. she has deliberately gotten herself stuck and refuses to let herself grieve + move forward

but she's just about reached a breaking point. you can't dwell in grief and loss forever, eventually something has to give. so deep down, part of her wants to just let it go and move on, but she's terrified of doing so because she doesn't know what else to do with herself

she's also desperate for intimacy and love/acceptance, but she can't bear the thought of another loss, so she either pushes people away or holds them so tightly they get sick of it and leave on their own. these are not feelings I can relate to or have drawn from any experiences btw

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦: What is their family like? Are there any family members that are particularly influential and/or important to them (whether in a positive or negative sense)?

I am so proud of what I've come up with for Orion's family! so he has 3 parents - Aries, Fornax, and Lacerta. yes their family members must always be named after constellations. he probably has a couple grandparents floating around, but he's never met them, and no siblings. his parents were his whole world growing up. I could write essays about each of them, suffice to say they are very loving but Aries and Fornax just can't understand why she's all hung up on non-fae people, Lacerta is more supportive but also has a more hands-off approach to parenting

💘: Do they have a "canon" romantic partner? If so, who is it and what is their relationship like? If not, what kind of person would be the optimal romantic partner for them (the most interesting narratively, not necessarily the healthiest/what they think their preferences are)?

in writing, no, and as much as I want to write a subplot for that, I feel weird about doing so BECAUSE

in game, there's this one motherfucking NPC who was introduced in I think our 3rd session. I adore him but I'm worried I as a player have missed my chance lol. if Orion doesn't get to be obsessively codependent with this depressed demonic senior citizen then what's the point!!

[rayons1only1started]

They All Deserved It

TO HELL WITH HIM.

WHY DOES RED TREASURE HIS NAME AND THE MEMORIES THEIR MOMENTS TOGETHER?

Oh right- I'm free. So that does is a did. (heh)

Meh, see if I care. This is, like I said, for revenge. I would have done almost anything for this outcome. Nonetheless, if Red was a bit stronger, I would have a much harder time pushing Red over the edge. 

Well, all that doesn't matter now. His mind is fractured, and he can't do a thing about that. 

And even I'm not sure if anyone can fix that now.

I'll never know, because who would?

Just why does he have to have such a strong mind, when he doesn't deserve it for a second? I would much rather use my voices to make the rest of the Rainbow Friends turn on each other, or drive them insane, or anything entertaining really. But Noooooo. I have to watch Red, and his thoughts, and make his mind worse than it is. 

And I would do that, yes, but the piece of shit has to show up! NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE! And Blue is too soft-hearted, so of course, he is still alive. 

His very presence is mocking me. It's practically saying, you can't finish me off, and you won't, and I know that, so I will taunt you. (Maybe the way Ash said it was a lot less clean)

So now I have to keep all my voices with Red, telling him that everything and everyone is afraid of him or hates him. He doesn't protest this time, thank goodness, but I want to be doing something else. Anything else.

Nothing new happened for the past few minutes, so I can stop concentrating on the voices. They aren't even my real voice, though even I think they are better than it. My real voice is not something that belongs in this universe. 

Why did the son of a bitch have to make me like this? He made me only able to feel anger, made me have these wonderful voices, but my true voice a thing I was repulsed by, made me see inside of others' minds', but only the fears, the traumas, the sadness, the anger, and never anything happy, or kind. I don't know what love is. I just simply don't understand it.

Well, that scumbag did do something right. Made me unable to have mercy. 

Things will get interesting when he wakes up.

I swipe my hand through the air, opening a window for me to look through. That's the only good thing about my dead hand. And it hurts like hell every time I do this. Fuck the human that did this. Saw me looking and took a canister and threw it at me. The canister caught on fire somehow, and ended up on my arm.

Goodbye, arm.

The human who did that regretted it dearly, for hours, and maybe longer if they didn't pass out from blood loss.

Let's just say they didn't wake up.

IN THEIR PAST BODY!!! F_CK YOU DAVIS!!!! AND YOU KNOW I HATED THAT HUMAN! F_CK YOU SON OF A B_TCH!! 

So, naturally, I snapped their spine. Fell unconscious. ONLY FUCKING UNCONSCIOUS!! 

Then I was locked up. (I wOnDEr WhY)

I don't know what happened then, but they weren't around when I was set free.

No use dwelling on the past, and there is so much to look forward to.

So much.

He won't see it coming. He is blinded by his passion. That's why I could see it on him. It's torturing him, ensuring horrible things.

I'm glad Red is in a bad mental state. Davis, the (the rest of the names were deleted), would be very happy to see him. Not in this state. 

I should kill him right now. But what fun would that be? It's so much fun listening to the broken sobs of your victim, lying in a pool of blood. 

The piece of shit is stirring. I'll give him a heart attack.

I want over to the corner, and allow my body to become visible.

This shall be interesting to watch.

----------------------------------------------------------

In case you can't tell, the chapter is written in Ash's POV. And I'm calling 'him' Davis because it's better than his other name.

[witchcraftandburialdirt]

" sit down before you fall down. "

✧ ── 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒 General warning for blood, violence, murder, death! DEAD BY DAYLIGHT VERSE

Each cut feels as pleasurable as the last and all doubt slipped away when the knife entered his hand, he hadn't even blinked as the massacre continued under him - spilled crimson staining the grass and the front of his person. The action comes easily, like walking to a foal - something he was bred to do, an urge within him that begged to be put to bed; rest could only come after. Only then would his mind return to bear witness to the carnage before him, an offering to the Entity - that brave boy who had wandered into his garden to pluck at his herbs and steal them away now nothing but a mess of gore and brain juices. The corpse under him a canvas only made to exist in order to be ravaged and brought to the brink of what could still be considered human. The flesh flayed, the sinews pulled out and taut - viscera clings to the underside of his nails. He stumbles back as the weight of the lifted axehead pulls his feet to spread and balance -

"Sit down before you fall down. " - @mxlevolence

Robin feels frozen to the spot when those words finally reach him within his act of shameless barbarity; the axe blade snuggled wetly into the savaged chest with his last strike. His next actions falls outside of the realm of inhuman; the column of his throat rotating his gaze like an owl - why did he look frightened? The grass below is slippery with sanguine, his single step back enough to cause him to jolt backwards into the killer's arms. Robin's fingers are quick to uncurl in order to release the axehead, the sopping dirt squelching under its weight - but his eyes stay locked on a familiar face. The face of dreadful spirits forced to walk the earth in eternal torment. Ghostface. How was it that they kept bumping into eachother like this? It was as though Fate was having a field day placing them together over and over ... A thought Robin did not hate within that moment, not while the stewing bile stew of his brain came to grips with the ruination of that boy's body.

His dominant arm pounds and aches with his waning heartbeat as he tries to recall how he got here in the first place, his stunted memory proving itself to be his enemy too. He can't even remember if there were any last words, but he's little time to dwell on it when he's sat down and forced to kneel in the pool of gore he created. His legs feel weak, feeble even, after sculpting the corse for so long; Robin's only solace a swirling warmth in his chest - the Entity seems pleased with the offering. Before long the artpiece is gone and stolen away, Robin finds his heart mourning its loss so dearly, his churning blood revolts; he hardly even had time to gawk and gaze upon his work. Let alone share it with the only other interesting person in this foggy realm; a brutal killer who - at the moment - looked oh so twee with the concerned tilt of his head. Robin's heavy pale lashes droop downward and a familiar smile casts itself upon his lips, he's almost happy to see the Shrouded one. How odd.

"Are you stalking me, my friend?" Oh how his words purr, yes this was the delight he had sought out with that brutalization ... He felt alive. "It seems rather odd that we keep bumping into eachother like this, I apologize if I was loud or woke you," although his throat feels wet and soft - as though he had stayed silent the entire time, " ... I suppose we lack any where to properly bath, if not I would be much in your debt to be escorted to such a place."