#it is that i have a right to being hurt & upset & angry when im wronged.

[horny-ex-catholic]

Well. I have had a monumentally shit day because my idiot sister thought it was a good idea to take advantage of me being away for school and steal my sex toys.

And my mother found them

And I had to confirm they were mine so she could make sure my sister wasn't getting them from classmates or something. Which is fair but fucking humiliating.

All my years of pushing my own boundaries with sex, slowly working through the bullshit guilt the church left me with, being so goddamn careful to keep my shit private because I'm not comfortable acknowledging my interest in sex even to most of my closest friends. And through no fault or mistake of my own all that progress is fucked. Because my sister, whose right to privacy I repeatedly defended to our parents because I know how awful it is to feel like my own room isn't safe from prying eyes, decided my privacy didn't matter that much.

[ozlices]

gave our body a hand cramp last night by writing a multi-page letter to my mom (since she refuses to listen to me verbally) pouring my heart out abt how much it hurts for her to prioritize my abuser over me.

no idea what happens next. she took the note & is talking to my dad rn.

i mean it when i say i poured my heart out on those pages & still tried to be at least civil. even though tbh at this point, id have every right to lash out.

but i did make sure to emphasize im always compassionate & understanding w her & it sucks that my longest running trauma that i was damned to dive head first back into during the worst year of my life gets disregarded by her. & i get demonized for even harboring it.

so. y e a h. literally no idea what her actual response will be my only hope is if her first reaction was some bullshit, my dad talks it outta her.

[taiyaakii]

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ Im sorry baby ! . . . ( 西村力 )

— pairing: 西村力 x reader — contains: Fighting, mean ki, angst — now playing: 一子青葉

Sitting on your boyfriend's bedroom floor holding back tears wasn't entirely how you wanted to spend your Friday night.

This fight was stupid, you both knew it and yet it still happened. Granted of course couples fight, it's just what happens. But never has Riki yelled at you like that, over something that wasn't even your fault.

"Riki please, I'm just trying to figure out what's wrong."

"I get that, but I've already told you it doesn't matter. Why do you always have to be so damn clingy all the time." Anger laced his voice

"It does matter Niki. It matters when it's hurting you."

"Don't call me that damnit." Using his nickname struck a chord with him. He hated it when you used his nickname. It felt more intimate when you called him Riki or Ki. No one else did, everyone else called him Niki so using his real name and not his stage name felt so good, refreshing almost.

He left the room without saying any more, slamming the door harder than he wanted to.

And now you were left alone on his bedroom floor in his chrome hearts hoodie.

You knew he wasn't in the right headspace, he was tired and stressed. You knew that but you couldn't do anything about it until he talked to you, until he said asked you to help. Riki's never been super open about his feelings but you'd always get him to open up eventually. He's never held them back this much before.

Eventually, you decided to check on him. You wanted to follow him originally but thought he needed space so you left him alone.

You opened the door slowly, peeking your head out first. He was sitting on the couch with his legs up and his head in his hands, pressing up against his eyes, his brows were furrowed, almost as if he was crying. TV was so loud, he hadn't noticed the door opening so you continued. Slowly closing the door behind you, walking up to the corner where the hallway and living space meet.

"Ki?" Hoping the use of the sweet nickname would keep him from getting angry again.

He didn't answer but instead just looked up at you, eyes wet, cheeks pink, lips red and puffy. You were right, he was crying.

Crying wasn't something Riki did, the only times you saw him cry was when he was missing his family, or overly stressed, and you were the same. Tears just never came easy for you, it's something you've been ridiculed for. Being called "Cold" or "Emotionless" was something you became used to, but seeing Riki cry made tears well up in your eyes. You choked them back and went to sit next to him.

He didn't spare you a glance, still spacing off.

You felt so bad. A sinking feeling forms in your stomach. You contemplated just leaving but realistically that wouldn't help anything. Instead, you sat there, contemplating what you would say.

"I'm sorry Ki"

"Stop." He still sounded angry, your stomach churning as you frown slightly.

A short silence, then he follows up with "You have nothing to be sorry for." He felt so guilty. He knew it wasn't your fault he feels like shit, it wasn't your fault he was stressed and overworked but he still took it out on you.

"I made you upset though, I didn't mean to I swear" You sounded so defeated, almost like a child after getting scolded. His heart broke into a million pieces hearing you blame yourself for his outburst. "No no this isn't your fault. I promise it's not you" He finally looked at you. His usual blank gaze transformed into what looked like a puppy dog. His eyes were still wet and brows furrowed with worry and guilt.

You looked back at him with tears welling, he didn't understand how he could treat you, the love of his life, the way he did.

After the dreadful silence, you decided you'd just leave. You didn't want to but the pain of seeing him like this was too much, especially when you couldn't help him.

Riki grabbed your arm, with pleading eyes screaming for you not to go, whether he said it or not. "Where are you going?"

"I was gonna give you space."

He sits on the couch properly and hugs your waist. "Please don't go" His voice was wobbly and quiet "Ki..."

"Please, baby. I love you so much and I promise I'll show it properly." You start to run your hands through his hair, massaging the nape of his neck.

"And I'll make it up to you too. It wasn't" He choked on his words "It wasn't right for me to take my stress out on you. You're perfect and you're the only thing that makes me feel right. Please don't leave."

You've never seen him so needy, so clingy. He always clung to you but this is different. He sounded desperate for you. Like he'd die if you walked away "I'm not gonna leave Ki."

He gripped onto your waist tighter "But, I'm your girlfriend Ki. If you're hurting you can tell me... I know work is busy. I know they're overworking you but next just talk to me. Please baby, I love you, and seeing you like this sucks." You move one of your hands to his bicep and start rubbing circles with your thumb, his muscles were sore from dance practice.

"I care about you, and I don't want to fight with you. Especially over this."

"I know, I'll tell you next time. Okay? I'll tell you everything that's going on. I promise" He lifted the sweatshirt you were wearing a little, wearing nothing under, he kissed the side of your stomach.

"Thank you, baby."

He mumbles a small, sleepy "Of course..." while he's still kissing the side of your stomach.

"Let's go to sleep, baby." You say while slightly pushing his head away from your stomach "Mmm okay" He picks you up, burying his head in your neck as he walks to his room.

He lays you down on the bed, laying on top of you, cuddling into you like a little baby. He would never admit it but he loved it when you baby-ied him. Sure in front of the other members, he'd hate it but when you guys are alone and he gets to just be lovey and cheesy, it means so much to him.

"I love you, Ki, so much" When he didn't respond you lifted his hair up to see him just to realize he had already fallen asleep.

Whenever he cries he usually falls asleep in your arms within minutes so this was nothing new.

You kissed his head, while still playing with his hair. You fall asleep in his arms, and at the end of the night, you care for Riki so much and only want the best for him. Fights are going to happen. It's inevitable, but luckily for you, Riki always knew how to make things better, how to make you feel better, he loves you so much, and he'd do anything for you.

-

The next day after school you walk into the house after Riki walks you home just to see a huge container of Smiski blind boxes and flowers on the counter, with a note saying "I love you, baby :)"

You could never stay mad at him

@ featki

Note: This was kinda rushed and not proofread... sorryyyy !! Been thinking ab this for awhile so wanted to write it. ALSO Niki kissing your stomach is NOT meant to be taken in a suggestive way at all. It's cute so don't take it weirdly.

[aimseytv]

this isnt an ask just a ramble i needed to get out about au sunship, i've never had tumblr before and im running on little sleep so this isnt going to be very coherent

But like the parallel between when guqqie felt guilty about getting aimsey to lie because they didn’t want acho to see them differently/yell at them vs aimsey getting angry that guqqie told michella about what hera did because aimsey didn’t want anyone to see guqqie negatively and yell at her (i can’t phrase things right) THESE SCENCES ARENT SIMILAR BUT THEY REMIND ME OF EACHOTHER SO MUCH LIKE KIND OF FORESHADOWING??

AIMSEY SAYING

“other people’s opinions… aren’t something we can control, ….. you need to not worry about what other people think of me…”

Guqqie ��people shouldn’t judge you based on one action… i just want people to see that your good”

“…i just don’t think you should be so worried about the way people are gonna perceive me because at the end of the day their thoughts don’t really matter” 

and guqqie being like “they matter to me i want everyone to like you cause your great” 

“as long as you like me then i’m okay”

And this scene isn’t made like a very big deal but like it does matter obviously and then later after mr. loverman (before they see guqqs for the first time) aimsey doesn’t think guqqs likes it anymore and so like they feel like what everyone else always thought of him guqqie also thinks of him now (“youre just a demon”)

and then during the wall scene when aimsey is like did you tell michella and guqqies like yeah and aimseys upset because like 

“i didn’t want people to see you in the wrong way, guqqie!” 

“that’s not up to you!”

“yes it is! …..  i didn’t want people to see you the same way they saw me! i didn’t want it. i didn’t want it anymore. and i just didn’t want people to start making up these things and painting you in a terrible light-

people expect these things of me and they expect me to be this bad thing and i just didn’t want that to happen to you. i just didn’t want it ok…

if i told people that you beat me do you genuinely think people would just look at you and they would think that everything’s ok? No, they wouldn’t guqqie! they would see you differently. and i didn’t want that okay! i just didn’t want that! i just wanted things to be okay…”

so we’ve kind of known this whole time that aimsey really does care about what others think of him but they didn’t quite let on to it when guqqie was talking to her about it but during the wall scene we really see how much others seeing aimsey in a negative light has affected it and how much he’s been hurt by it to the point where they’re genuinely terrified of guqqie also having to go through that!! and just!!! They announcement has made me rewatch a lot of the vods/the ausunshipduo movie and im brain rotting about them but no one I know will listen to me ramble so i just needed this to go somewhere (sorry) ive reread this to see if it makes sense but my eyes hurt so idk if it does or not (im so sorry)

this is so sweet i read the entire thing :) glad you love ausmp gamer

[shadebloopnik]

This is gonna sound SOOO off or smthn but

Was the Perfect Family Harmony planned to be a weapon against the Bergens?

Long post ahead bc brain is rotting

Ok so as we know, the Perfect Family Harmony is smthn that's so powerful that its capable of shattering diamonds. Not just that but its one of the only thing capable of doing so(according to Floyd it was the only thing but giving the benefit of the doubt)

So we know its strong, and we saw it blasting off Velvet and Veneer off their platforms when they performed it, and they weren't even the targets, they were blasted away by just the shockwave that came with using it.

"Its that powerful."

Ok, so its definitely powerful enough to be used as a weapon right? Yeah it was relatively safe enough to use in front of a crowd, else they wouldn't have tried to do it during a concert, but that could just be when those harmonizing aren't targeting anything.

If it could shatter diamonds, how easily could it break cages? What would it do if it was used to target a Bergen? A whole Kingdom of Bergens?

Lets also go back to that concert, to that time John was obsessed with them getting it right. They were in the Troll tree, in Bergentown, a place where any of them could die during Trollstice. The Bergens were a huge threat, something that trolls, at their size, couldn't fight back against normally so they had to run instead right?

But what if they COULD fight back? What if they had a weapon so powerful that it might finally be able to free them? To defeat the monsters that tortured their kind for centuries?

What if John Dory found a way to help make sure nothing would threaten his brothers' safety ever again?

Like, it'd make John Dory's obsession make SOOO MUCH MORE SENSE

Like yea he clearly has OCD and anxiety and some bossiness and that definitely added to it all, but imagine if it was more than that?

Look at him during that performance. He was in deep. He had a wild look in his eyes, a sort of deranged obsession to have everything be perfect no matter what. It wasn't healthy, it was scary, maybe even downright terrifying for his brothers who had to be subjected to it.

But you know what else he looked like?

Terrified

Man was scared out of his mind. His anxiety and stress levels were through the roof. He probably was one wrong tune away from hyperventilating.

What if it was bc it was so much more than the fans? What if he put the salvation of the entire troll-kind on his shoulders?

One wrong step meant they were nothing.

One wrong step meant disappointing the fans.

One wrong step meant letting down the kingdom.

One wrong step meant another troll getting eaten.

Thats why when they failed, John blew up. He took all of that self-hatred of failing to use that weapon to defeat the bergens and poured it all onto his brothers.

"I know we can reach the Perfect Family Harmony."

"What if we don't want to."

John Dory, blind to how and WHY his brothers didn't want to follow his lead, felt betrayed.

To him, all he's ever done was to ensure their safety, everything was for the greater good. He'd done everything he could, his goals slowly twisting him into a crazed obsession. To hear his brothers say they didn't want to help anymore might've struck a cord too much. If you'd noticed he actually looked really sad and hurt when they started bringing up how much they hated being in the band, but it slowly twisted to anger instead. Kind of in a like, "I tried doing everything for these shts and THIS is how they repay me???" way. He was so stressed and stuck in his own head with his failures that he just couldn't see what his brothers were trying to say.

So in a fit of impulsive rage, he left. To him it probably was like that rlly childish way of saying "Yea im leaving, good luck dealing with the Bergens while im goneee." You know? Like how kids runaway from home when they get angry or upset over every little thing but come back when they realize how stupid that was?

"Im not allowed to change."

And he DID come back. Who knows how long, but he did. Imagine how he must've felt seeing their empty pod in an empty tree, with the knowledge that he could've done something about it. The Perfect Family Harmony could've saved them. They could've used it to break the cage, to fight the Bergens. Hell, it could've been powerful enough to wipe out all the Bergens if they do so wished.

"Im the oldest, I have to be the leader."

He and his brothers were the only ones who'd ever gotten close to getting it right.

"Why do you think I moved into the middle of nowhere? So I didn't have to be in charge of anyone."

The village was counting on them. Counting on him. He let them down. He failed.

"Freeing the village Four little brothers is a lot of responsibility."

They could've gotten it. If only John did it right. If only John did it differently.

If only John Dory was Perfect

[dckweed]

NEXT THING YOU KNOW, gator tillman

in which gator tillman and his arranged bride figure out life and each other and what a real relationship means to them.

warnings: mentions and depictions of abuse, mentions of bruises, arranged marriages, romance, humor, dead parents, slow burn relationship (not completely but not not), basically we know the tillman men are asswipes so i 100% see Roy forcing gator into this kind of situation for money for his militia, eventual smut with kinks such as thigh riding, gun play, choking, spanking, lots of marking and possible spit play.

series masterlist here, series playlist here.

special mention to my girly @xxbookdrunkdemigodxx for listening to my rambles and helping me out with the playlist!

PART TWO: the ride

True to his word, Gator had become your friend. The first couple days of the week passed with the two of you holed up in the house together, pretending to work on the wedding planning even though neither of you knew what the hell you were doing. You kept to the upstairs living room, wanting to stay as far away from Boyd as you possibly could, still angry at him for the whole situation and not wanting to cross paths with him again for as long as you could, your stomach still hurting under the fabric of your shirt from the lashing you had been given from Boyd’s belt as soon as the Tillman’s had left the morning of their first visit. Three times he had hit you, the leather of the belt welting your skin through the thin fabric of the dress you had been wearing. That was typical Boyd, always harsh and quick, and always on parts of your body that were easily hidden by clothes. It had been that way since your mother had married him, though you had kept it a secret from her due to the fear he had built in your brain about what he would do to her if you told her. You didn’t dare tell Gator either, not sure if you really trusted him with that secret quite yet, and definitely not sure of what would happen if Boyd found out. You didn’t want anymore drama than there already was in this god forsaken house. 

You liked Gator well enough, he was easy conversation, a little dense in some areas but what he lacked in that he made up for in humor and the willingness to at least listen to you explain. The two of you talked about plenty of things but mostly school and whether or not either of you had been seeing anyone before you had been forced into your godawful situation. You weren’t sure if you were reading his face right, but for some reason you thought that he looked rather pleased when you said that you hadn’t ever exclusively dated anyone, strictly forbidden by Boyd. You learned that he had only ever had one serious girlfriend in his life, in the last years of highschool, though she had taken off to some fancy school on the east coast when they had graduated and he never heard from her again. You could see the swirl of emotions in his big brown eyes, and the way his mouth tensed as he spoke. He shook his head and changed the topic a moment later, picking up one of the magazines laid out on the ornate coffee table in front of the two you and asking what the hell the difference between Ivory and White was and why did it matter so much which shade your dress was. 

Those first two days were rather pleasant, you found yourself awfully comfortable in his presence, relaxed even, and the next day when he didn’t show up just after breakfast, you had to admit you were a little disappointed, but you got about your business none the less, trying not to dwell on it. He’s a Sheriff’s Deputy, you reminded yourself, he wont have time to talk to you twenty four seven..and then you kicked yourself for even feeling upset about not having his attention for the day. You’d known him for four whole days, what the hell was wrong with you? 

He texted you around lunch time. 

Gator: sorry for not being able to help today, even though i know im not much help to begin with..i’m on duty for 24hrs

You were slightly giddy and that made you slightly disgusted with yourself, you barely knew this dude and you were being essentially coerced into marrying him, what the hell is wrong with you?

You: you wont miss much, promise! Be safe out there..

You felt like that was the stupidest response you could have possibly sent, but oh well. You weren’t wrong though, he wouldn’t miss much. The day was mostly spent in the upstairs living room, sprawled on the couch as you called the bakery in town to schedule a tasting for next weekend, and the local bridal boutique to schedule a showing for this weekend..afterwards you spent the next few hours sorting through different styles of wedding dresses you thought you would like, sparing no expense on designers because if you were being forced to do this damn thing, then Boyd was certainly going to pay the fucking price one way or another. And then after you had spent as long as you could doing that, you begrudgingly made your way down the stairs, you had dragged your feet long enough on the girls’ dresses for the wedding, and if you picked them out without their fathers input, you feared you would face another lashing. 

You hesitated outside of his office door, taking a deep breath before raising your fist, knocking once, twice, before he gave you the okay to come in. He’s seated at his annoyingly large desk and just barely glances up at you from whatever paperwork he’s doing as you step into the room, closing the door behind you like he liked. “Ah, i was just about to send for you,” He says, setting down his pen as you step closer and closer to his desk, your magazines heavy in your hands. “Sheriff Tillman has requested that the ride with you be moved up to tomorrow morning, his wife has to go out of town this weekend and he’s decided to go with her.” You hum in acknowledgement and he notices your laden arms. “Whatever do you have there?” 

How could he speak to you so calmly? As if you weren’t sporting the markings of his rage on your skin? “I’m going to the bridal boutique this weekend, and I want to get the girls' dresses while I'm there, I thought maybe you’d like to help pick them out..” You say gingerly, he seemed to be in a good mood but you could never be too sure with him. 

He nods once, pushing whatever he was working on to the side. “Alright, let's see it.” 

You give a small smile, slightly relieved as you start setting some of the magazines in front of him. “These are some that I liked, but there’s a few more that I wasn’t sure about. Gator and I decided on a purple and green theme, pastel, summer colors..” You prattel nervously, leaning over to show him the styles that you particularly thought were pretty. He hums, glancing up at you over the rim of his glasses as you settle the magazines in front of them. 

“And how are things going with the boy?” He asks, inspecting the pages you had dog eared. 

You were rather taken aback by the question, you hadn’t really known him long enough to know how things were going, let alone marry the poor dude, but yet, here you were, planning a wedding. “They’re okay..he’s funny..” You shrug, not quite sure how to proceed. “He’s working today, but he was here the past couple of days to help..” You weren’t sure why you were telling the man, it's not like he didn’t already know who came and went in his house. 

Boyd hums and the office falls silent for nearly an hour. You’re about to excuse yourself, let him look at them alone so you can get the hell out of there and go eat some lunch or tack up Bubbles for a ride when he speaks up. “I like these ones best, i’m sure the girls will look lovely..” He says, handing you one of the first magazines you had handed him. You have a quiet breath of relief, but roll your eyes subconsciously, annoyed that he had taken that long. You start grabbing things as quickly as you can, itching to get away from him. “I’ll open up the limit on your credit card, spare no expense.” Are the last words he says, you hum in response and walk out of the office quickly, leaning against the door as you close it behind you. 

You’re up before the sun the following morning, your alarm clock bleating around four. You were awake well before it though, your thoughts on a never ending loop. You honestly weren’t even sure if you slept and sighed in annoyance when you trudged your way to your bathroom and noticed the dark bags under your eyes. How were you supposed to sleep? Your life was about to be tethered to someone else’s in a few short weeks, two months wasn’t that much time and you didn’t know this boy for shit. Sure, you guys were on friendly terms at the very least but..marriage? Why had you signed those damned papers? Why did you let him talk you into it? 

Shaking the thought from your head you turn the handle on your sink, letting the water run as you went about your skincare business. You’re dressed in less than half an hour, spending a few minutes at your vanity table to swipe some makeup under your eyes, an old habit you had picked up when you lived here full time before boarding school. You figured it wouldn’t take long before the sleepless nights would start again, and you couldn’t help but to wonder if they would be any better when you were with Gator. 

Gator..

He had never texted you again yesterday, though you had sent him a few messages throughout the day, and even late in the night just to keep your own sanity. Telling him how much Boyd irritated you, telling him that he needed the next weekend free for cake tasting because you didn’t want to choose something he didn’t like, telling him you were bored..sending him a pouty faced selfie when you noticed he had opened but not responded to any of your messages (that he had also opened and never responded to). 

You realized your fiance was a horrible texter and you were going to have to fix that, if you were going to be friends then he needed to at least respond to one of your messages, even if they were annoying. 

By four-forty-five you’ve pulled out of the driveway and are off down the main entrance of Boyd’s ranch, your jeep pulling the horse trailer with Bubbles inside of it with ease. Thankfully one of the ranch hands had woken up earlier than you (he had always been friendly towards you, and it was deeply appreciated because most of Boyds employees treated you like shit too) and attached the trailer to your car and loaded up your horde for you. You even found your saddle and other things in the back of the Jeep when you peeked in to look, surprised that your horse had even been loaded for you. 

You made a mental note to thank the man when you got home. 

The drive to the Tillman Ranch isn’t too long, hell, they were practically your fucking neighbors. You were so focused on survival when you were on the ranch that you had never paid attention to lands that surrounded you. When you arrive at the gate, your headlights shining on the metal and the dirt beyond it, two ranch hands are already there, pulling open the heavy iron for you. 

“Thank you!” You half shout, rolling down your window. The one on your drivers side nods once, tipping his hat at you and proceeds to tell you to follow the road towards the house and barn, he would be right behind you to help you unload. You’re surprised when the Sheriff is already waiting for you when you pull up near the barn. You see him on the porch of his house, arms crossed over his chest and hat perched low on his head and your stomach tightens, your hands shake. If you’re late and he tells Boyd, you’re done for, is all you can think as you slide your key out of the ignition and hop down from your seat, your boots kicking up dust.  

“Mornin’ Miss Augastine!” His voice carries out from the porch, the sun is only just now starting to rise, a dark glow low in the horizon. You breathe in and walk around your car, up to the porch. “Wasn’t expecting you for another hour or so..” You breathe out. “Interest you in some coffee? Breakfast? Karen just put away my breakfast but I’m sure she’d be more than happy to get something going for you.” 

You paint the smile on your face, your morning having been ruined by your brief panic attack. “No, Sir..thank you for the offer, but I was thinking I would go get breakfast with Gator this morning, or an early lunch..” You knew he was probably on his way home by now, and you had the sense that he would probably only sleep for a few hours. 

He hums as he meets you at the foot of the porch, staring down at you from the bottom step. Your cheeks flush and you look anywhere but at him as his eyes rake over your body. You hear him mutter something akin to ‘pretty little thing’ under his breath, but you knew you weren’t supposed to hear it so you pretend not to. You were dressed for a casual ride, blue jeans that fit tight in all the right places but loose on your legs, draped over your brown and pink leather boots, and you wore a pink short sleeved polo shirt, the buttons undone enough to show just the hint of cleavage that was sexy enough to keep men entertained but innocent enough to not get you in trouble. You had your own cowboy hat pulled down over your hair, resting comfortably on your head. 

“He’s not home yet.” Is all he says when you mention his son, his tone cool and slightly unfriendly. You furrow your brow, wondering why there was the sudden change in demeanor when it came to his boy. “That your show horse?” He steps down off the porch, and you look up to him still, the man being much taller than you even on even ground. 

“She’s for more than just show, Sir..” You say playfully, a smile on your face as you happily lead him over to the trailer. He helps you lead her out of the trailer, admiring her with you and then leads you on a slow walk to the barn. 

He seems kind, but you know its more for show than anything. You soak it up though, letting him open the barn doors for you even though you’re more than capable of doing it yourself, and you let him lead you into a stall near the back of the barn so you can leave Bubbles and go get the rest of your stuff to tack up. After a few more minutes of talking the two of you separate, you going off to your jeep, and he going off towards his horse to tack up. 

As you step out of the barn the sun has risen just a little bit more, and you hear a car pulling up next to yours. “What are you doin’ here?” His voice holds a tinge of familiar nervousness to it, and you can’t help but to soften up for it. He’d gotten out of his squad car before he’d even turned the damn thing off, the radio still on. Your breath caught as your eyes took in his uniform, he sure is somethin to fuckin’ look at, you said to yourself, swallowing back wicked thoughts. “Thought you weren’t doin’ this til the weekend?” 

“Plans changed.” You shrug, not really sure what else to say. You figured he of all people would have known that his dad was going out of town this weekend. “He’s in the barn.” Brown eyes dart behind you and then back to you, looking you over. “Want to go get lunch or somethin’ later?” 

He sighs, running  a hand down his face, shoulders relaxing. “Yeah..yeah lets get lunch later..”He says, turning on his heel. You shake your head, going to grab your saddle out of your car, just as you’re stepping around the front of it you hear him again. “I got it, Pearlie..” You sigh, but not from annoyance as he lifts it out of your grasp. You liked the way your name sounded when he said it, like it meant something and nothing all at the same time. You shake your head, feeling silly for the thought and follow him. 

Roy is headed out of the other side of the barn just as you follow Gator in. “Mornin’ dad.” He says, voice a hard and cold tone. 

The older man already mounted in his saddle merely tips his hat at his son, but gives you a friendly smile. “Miss Pearl, I’ll be outside when you’re ready.” He says as if there’s no rush, but you know from his sons body language that there most likely is. 

Gator’s shoulders are tense and you know it’s not from the weight of the heavy leather saddle he’s carrying. You rush in front of him to open the stall door, trying to be helpful, and you can see the pinched look on his face, the coldness in his big brown eyes. He lifts the saddle up and sets over Bubbles, who stands perfectly for him. He turns his hat backwards and you just about melt into the hay strewn floor, who knew that stupid things like a man you’re engaged to turning his hat backwards could be so damn hot? He doesn’t say a word as he starts fastening the gear in place, like he’s done it a thousand times before. 

It only hits you just then that he probably has done it a thousand times before, his father clearly loved the animals, why wouldn’t he teach his son how to tack up and mount? 

“You didn’t have to do that for me, Gator..” You say softly as he finishes. He only shrugs and straightens up, patting Bubbles on the belly gently as he does. “Thank you..” You whisper as you walk past him, grabbing the horn of her saddle so you could pull yourself up. 

Just as you’re about to put a boot in the stirrups you feel his chest against your back, the smell of whatever it is he smokes encompassing you as he grabs your hips firmly and lifts with ease. “Good?” He asks, watching you settle into the saddle. You nod once, hoping your hair and hat are doing a good enough job of hiding the flush on your cheeks and neck, not having expected such a display of obvious strength. “Good..off you go then..” He holds the stall open for you and you ease Bubbles out of it, just as you start to walk past him you feel his hand on your calf. He’s looking up at you with an expression you’re not familiar with on his face, and it makes you worry. “Be careful with him.” It comes out as more of a statement, but you can hear the pleading behind it, and it makes you worry even more, a slurry of questions forming in your mind. “..please?” 

“Okay..” You say. He lets you go and you don’t question farther, spurring Bubbles to follow out the way you had seen Roy going with his own horse. “Hey Gator?” You look over your shoulder at him, he has his hands on his hips. “Go take a nap the bags under your eyes are bigger than the ones in my closet!” You laugh as you leave him behind you, and you swear you can hear him chuckling too. 

The ride starts off in silence, you and Roy side by side as he took you on the scenic route through the ranch. You had to say that you really didn’t know much about the Tillman’s, you wouldn’t know how to start off the conversation even if you had wanted to, and you truly didn’t want to, not with Gator’s pleading words lingering in the back of your mind. 

The ranch really is beautiful, especially in the early starts of the summer, the rolling hills are green, and you can see where they have more cattle off in the distance. It’s a calming atmosphere, more relaxed than life was on the Augastine ranch. 

“How’s my son been?” His voice is deep and rough, startles you for a moment. You turn to look at him, adjusting your hat in the glare of the sun. “He bein’ nice?” Nice didn’t sound like a word that was normally in Sheriff Tillman’s vocabulary, you wanted to point it out, the smart mouthed bitch in you raring at the thought but you thought of what Gator had said, and then you thought of Boyd and your still aching ribs and thought better of it. 

“He’s been sweet.” You say, offering a small smile, the warmth of the sun hitting the skin of your face. “Real helpful with the wedding plans..he’s taking me to lunch after this too..” You say, rambling nervously. “Oh, before I forget, did he ever ask you about the twins being in the wedding?” 

Roy shakes his head at you, pursing his lips. “I don’t recall a conversation..Karen would have mentioned it to me i’m sure..” You notice his hands tighten on his reins and you furrow your brows at it. 

“Oh, he probably just forgot is all.” You chuckle, wanting it to stay light hearted. Truly, you had never even asked him to ask anything about the girls and you hoped you weren’t about to get him in trouble because of your small fib..you just wanted to change the topic to something more neutral. “I’m going to the bridal shop this weekend to look for my dress, and I already have dresses picked out for my sisters but I was wondering if you’d like me to pick out dresses for the twins as well? I would absolutely love to have them in the ceremony..they could be my flower girls, or hold my train…” Your sisters were already taking the spots as your bridesmaids, you didn’t have a choice in that matter. Gator had three of his best friends stepping in as groomsmen and you only had one friend coming to the wedding, and she was going to be your maid of honor. 

“I think that’s a lovely idea, Miss Pearl.” He says and for a moment, everything is silent again as he hums a tune you’re not familiar. “Matter of fact..” You glance over at him again. “Karen and I are leaving to go out of town tonight, we’ll be gone through the weekend..we were planning to take the girls with us, but I’m wondering if you want to take them with to the Bridal shop if you want them fitted for dresses? Karen and I would love the alone time, of course if you wouldn’t mind keeping an eye on them with Gator for the weekend?” You wanted to protest, but, you realized that it was probably a good excuse to get yourself out of Boyd’s house for a few days, and just the thought sounded heavenly, even if it meant carting around your fiance’s sisters and playing house with him. 

“You know what, Sheriff Tillman,” You say, giving him your dazzling, people pleasing smile, the kind that had man many a guy weak in the knees back at boarding school. “That sounds like a fantastic weekend, i’d love to get to know my new little sisters better, you and Karen go have fun on your little trip! Me and Gator can handle things!” 

He gives you an easy smile in return. “Well alright then.” He says, and then nudges you with his knee from his horse. “And please, little lady, call me Roy.” He gives you a wink that sends unpleasant shivers down your spine and you giggle politely in return. 

taglist: @ruth-barnes @justherebecausesafarisucks @daisy-is-a-writer @xxbookdrunkdemigodxx @girlwiththerubyslippers @keerygal @lilllbabyyy @boa-hemian @sweetdazequeen @emilyj444 @whisperingwillowxox @babyqnn @lou-la-lou @aestheticaltcow @finalmoondragon @boxofsmittens @pollyspocketdimension @kassy-munson @frostandflamesfanfic @mysticalstar30 @totally-bogus-timelady @nerdypinupcrystal @emmiecrush5-blog @witchcovenboys @starksbabie @marrowfrog00 @boop369 @lelenikki

[nightcolorz]

Going to vent to you because this seems like a safe space for Armand sympathizers lol…

LIKE obviously Armand is doing all the wrongs, he didn't have to agree to literally any of this, blah blah etc etc BUT GIRL. if the guy i had been casually dating for two years because he had great benefits one day revealed to me that he was a child sex slave, the thing i would not do is be like 'wow, i guess what you're secretly saying is you want me to turn our relationship into an unnegotiated 24/7 TPE huh'.

And then when he came to me in a panic to tell me his life is falling apart and his employees are plotting to kill him and his protection isn't going to last much longer and i should flee the country for my own safety because he's the most vulnerable he's ever been since the time he was abducted by the crazy torture cult, the thing i absolutely would not do at that moment is surprise him by introducing that dynamic into our relationship completely out of nowhere and then order him to stay right here because I've got a totally cool plan to outmanipulate his enemies and I'll be his master now :)

And then I orchestrate a series of hot public encounters where i blur the lines of being angry and disgusted with him right up against ignoring the boundaries he sets and telling him to do whatever i want wherever i want. and because i never bothered to ask him, i don't know if he's genuinely into it or if it's because i've weaponised his trauma when he's feeling unstable, but like, he's the one who manipulated me into doing this anyway by telling me his sad backstory, so actually i'm the victim here??

AND THEN when I tell him my awesome idea of turning a nazi collaborator into a human eating monster machine and I want him to do it even though he is clearly revulsed by this idea from every angle, I'll berate him endlessly for refusing and be annoyed with him because by saying no he's making me turn her and that's not cool bro, and when he begs me not to do it, or at least not to tell him because it's breaking the rules and he's vulnerable to the machinations of the coven rn, I'll shut him up with my dom routine, and then tell him to come watch because he'll realize he does actually want it after he does it.

and when he asks me whether this is a genuine invitation in this moment or if I'm ordering him to do it and will be upset if he doesn't, I'll be so hurt and angry with him because wow, I can't believe after months of using my nonconsensual game of acting like his childhood master to get him to do things for me, he's acting like I'd use my nonconsensual game of pretending to be his childhood master against him, fuck you for trying to manipulate me right now you worthless piece of shit </3.

like even daniel, the most neutral and ethical judge of whether it's okay to make someone a vampire, can tell the only reason he'd set his one boundary at murdering and cursing another human being for eternity is because it's not hot or convenient, and not because of 500 years of witnessing the most insane vampire maker shenanigans known to Europe.

and then the entire audience claps because honestly i'm just trying so hard and my boyfriend just keeps fucking it all up for me and taking away my choices. literally what else could i have done in this situation :(

AHHHH ANON U ATE THIS UP ‼️🙏 and Yes this is absolutely THE safe place for Armand sympathizers!! I am the Armand sympathizer king and u have just brought me an Armand sympathizer gift lined with gold and jewels and placed it in front of my thrown and I’m knighting u Armand sympathizer general as I bow before u

ur so right and it’s actually so crazy to me that this isn’t a more popular take. it’s insane to me bcus im remembering how seriously this fandom was taking Claudia’s s1 sexual assault and how sensitively it was being discussed and now these same ppl r insisting that it’s unfair to “demonize” Louis for preforming non consensual bdsm with a csa victim without any safe word or prior discussion specifically because he told him about his csa and Louis found a chance to leverage control in this relationship. I saw someone insisting that it’s ridiculous to interpret Louis as sexually exploitative for being a pimp because he was a nice pimp and he was self aware about how pimping was bad and like ??? 😭😭 how do I even argue with that, that is just so absurd I’m lost for words. No guys he was one of the good pimps because he “didnt take advantage of his position” (😭⁉️) and he knew that it was wrong to sexually exploit vulnerable women and just chose to do it anyway so see it wasn’t that bad. And because Louis knows sexual abuse is wrong and chooses to do it anyway despite this he clearly isn’t mirroring the sexual abuse Armand experienced in his non consensual power play dynamic with him because uh yeah he wouldn’t do that ig 😭. It’s not like Louis canonically is capable of using sexual exploitation to manipulate people’s vulnerabilities for his stability and gain. Like guys book Louis also felt guilty for being a slave owner and knew it was wrong 😭😭 am I gonna hear “it’s unfair to say Louis being a slave owner was indicative of his negative traits cuz he felt bad about it” come out of ur mouths 😭⁉️cuz oh my god I hope not 😭 “Louis was only a pimp because pimping was his way of keeping his family afloat and asserting the masculine identity he felt obligated to preform for his safety” and he is doing the same thing with Armand guys obviously??!! He is taking advantage of armand’s history of sexual abuse to keep himself safe from vulnerability with the coven and to assert his masculine identity as a shield like 😭 and that doesn’t stop what he’s doing from being wrong like no fucking shit. He’s a complex character and his actions come from a place of fear and not straight forward evil, but that doesn’t mean u have to defend literal sexual abuse to analyze that and to enjoy Louis as ur favorite character 😭 I keep saying this but louis is a great character and there’s nothing wrong with him being ur fav but it is pretty mf weird to insist that everything he does is ok when things that he do include like, non consent 😭

I feel ur annoyances so hard anon, it’s driving me a lil crazy rn cuz in s2 ep6’s wake i have barely seen anyone discuss the Louis fucking Armand in the coffin scene like it was pretty shitty and abusive and not like, non complexly hot and fun and nothing else. Like, Armand has been panicking for a while and insisting to Louis that he is loosing respect from the coven and therefore his control and he’s in danger because of it, and Louis decides to stroll into Armand’s office unannounced, demand he strip for him immediately, demand again without any room for argument when Armand says he can’t, and then fuck Armand in view and ear shot of the whole coven in a degrading power assertion that Louis knows will put Armand in even more of a vulnerable and compromising position, like ?? I get it read the pages to me while I fuck u was pretty hot but omg can we talk about this with some nuance 😭⁉️ this is possibly the most overt instance of Louis not asking, *demanding* that Armand sexually submit and preform for him specifically as a grab to assert dominance over the coven. And Armand of course won’t say no, he’s been quite literally trained to believe that he has services that people r entitled to take from him at any time because he’s a product to be used. He also believes that saying no is not an option because submitting to the master will keep him safe, and Louis I think knows this to an extent and knows that taking advantage of this will help him stay afloat. I believe that this scene was a significant contributor to Armand deciding to betray Louis, because Louis’s actions *do* put him in danger with the coven and cause him to loose his position of power (Santiago mocking him for getting fucked by Louis cough cough). And Armand at this point is realizing, I can choose to be in a relationship with Louis that is causing my sense of stability and safety to fall apart, or I can choose to regain my position of power by forgoing Louis and getting to retain my safety. When u think about it like that it makes perfect sense for him to do that 😭 and I’m tired of seeing takes treating Armand like he’s a sneaky little snake and not a cornered animal

on the subject of Daniel because u mentioned him at the end there, oh my god it has pissed me off since the beginning how a lot of people act like Daniel is the embodiment of the neutral, unbiased correct word of god figure who is just telling the audience how it really is. Like?? No??? 😭😭 Daniel is a shitty journalist and a shitty person, he’s borderline racist and ignorant, he is not looking to expand his perspective or approach his subjects with any empathy or nuance because he decided going in that he hates them and they r bad, which is like?? Defeats the entire purpose of the affective journalism that he is trying to preform 😭😭 He is NOT the guy u should be getting ur takes from, he is a character like any other, he is not a source for correct analysis or meta or unfiltered truth.

But anyways lol, not to be personal and vulnerable in the gay vampire sex tv show post but it’s rlly disheartening for me to witness this blatant excusing and downplaying of a sexually abusive dynamic as someone who has experienced a very similar type of “but was it technicallyyy non consensual though..?” Sexual abuse. Like guys pls 😭🙏 I thought that “bdsm dynamic that merges with actual, genuine grabs for control and blurs the line between fun sex and real demands or anger” was like considered unambiguously bad? 😭 There asses do NOT have a safe word. In conclusion anon u r everything to me and everyone else um USE UR BRAIN🔥🔥🔥🔥

thank u sm for the ask OMGG ur so well spoken and correct and I enjoyed reading ur ask so so much

[luvssemma]

Phone Calls

Pairing- Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley x Gn!Reader

Summary- Ghost hears you on the phone with a guy and gets jealous

Warnings- Jealousy, Possessive, Crying, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Friends with benefits, Fluff, L bombs, No smug sadly ik

Authors Note- Im having trouble getting ideas so if anyone could give me requests that would be amazing! (i hate this)

Ever since you had joined the Task force it had been difficult for your family being gone for months at a time.

You were the oldest sibling and always took care of your little brothers when your mother had to work but as you grew up you realized you had to have your own life.

You felt guilt for not being in your brothers lives as often so you try to call them as often as possible. Today you we’re talking to your brother, B/n, on the phone telling that you loved and missed him when all the sudden you felt a presence behind you.

You turned around and Ghost was towering over you. You sighed in relief as you realized it was Ghost but quickly saw the anger in his eyes.

“B/n I talk to you later” you said quickly and hung up on your brother. Ghost looked at you with dark and angry eyes.

“G-Ghost is everything okay.” you said quietly. Ghost began getting closer backing you up against the wall staying silent.

“Who were you talking to?” Simon asked venom lacing his voice. You swallowed hard you’d never seen Simon like this.

“I-Its no one Simon don’t worry about it.” You said softly. Mentally face planting your self for not just saying it was your brother.

Simon grew irritated with you and with gritted teeth spat out “Who was it y/n i heard you tell him i love you!”

You cupped Simons face and said gently “I was talking to my little brother about his graduation.” Simon body instantly relaxed and looked down shamefully.

“Im sorry lovie i shouldn’t have gotten so jealous.” Simon felt stupid for thinking you we’re talking to another guy. Simon knew he had no right of being jealous, he was the one who wanted a purely sexual relationship.

You smiled being happy that Simon was getting jealous because that meant he cared. You hugged him tightly and told him it was okay. Simon held you in his arms.

Simon felt weird he had never felt this for anyone before and didn’t want to become more because he didn’t want to hurt you or get hurt himself.

You held Simon quietly enjoying his presence. Simon felt him self tearing up no one but his mother had ever care for him like this. When you noticed your heart shattered.

“Can i take off your mask Simon.” You asked with a soft and caring voice. Simon nodded afraid his voice would reveal his true pain. You gently took off his masked and wiped his tears away and held him.

“Simon what’s wrong talk to me please.” you said gently not wanting to upset him more. Simon just cried into your shoulder thinking he didn’t deserve this, he didn’t deserve your love. You held him in your arms and rubbed his back until he felt like talking.

“I don’t deserve you lovie. The last time i had this kind of affection was from my mother.” Simon said softly. His eyes red and puffy from crying. Your heart shattered seeing him likes this.

You kissed his tears and then his forehead. “Simon you deserve all the love in the world and ill give you every ounce of my love to you.” You said lovingly.

Simon nuzzled his head into your neck and mumbled thank you. He had never felt this way about anyone he knew at the moment he loved you. He need to be yours and needed you to his. He wanted to be with you the rest of your life.

Simon took a deep breath and looked into your eyes. “I am so in love with you y/n l/n.” Simon said softly. You eyes widen and you quickly responded. “I am so in love with you too, Simon.” You said and smiled and cuddled up to him.

Simon held you in his arms and in that he felt like his life was finally complete. His life had meaning to it now.

[carpedzem]

hi

under the cut i want to talk a little bit, maybe overshare as well. ill try to keep it short (rereading nat here. i didnt). its a sad post, might make some of you angry but not for the reasons you think

i was staying away on purpose, but a few people asked about me so i wanted to let you know that hey, im lurking, im waiting to see what happens. maybe some things will change in the future but im putting it out here so its all in one place

i think i want to start with saying thank you again for sticking around, supporting my art and my thoughts and having discussions with me. i really opened up about myself and what I created here. im very anxious person and it influences my life on every level, so being heard, seeing people laughing at my jokes, loving my art has been so so important to me

about the situation, the gogcident if you will, i logged out as soon as i saw things going down and been getting updates though different source. and while situation is still on going and i dont know where it will go, as how it ends, theres two or three things im firm on that will always be true for me:

i really hate how believe all victims turns into believe everyone who speaks first, no matter what they say, no matter context, no matter proof. the first statement made in this case was untrue in a lot of important details and while i dont think caitis feeling are wrong or invalid i think her first statement made this situation into something it isnt. i think every victim should be heard but attacking everyone who was accused right away is not a solution

i do believe that everyone who was accused of anything has every right to defend themselves. the way its constantly taken away from dteam is not lost on me and its insane and upsetting

you can be traumatized by the events that werent in its core meant to be traumatizing. sometimes people act shitty and leave scars on you and sometimes you can do the same to other people

edited note bc i want this to be here as well: guilty until proven innocent is a crazy mindset and i cannot imagine situation that i would allow it. some idiots dont even realise how dangerous rhetoric that is. including accusers not being obligated to provide any proof of their claims

twt is the worst thing to deal with any discourse, misunderstanding or any delicate situation. i think no ones there cares for any victims period. i wish that place the worst

okay so what now. i havent decided yet. georges and dreams moves so far confirmed for me that no matter what happened it wasnt with malicious intentions. ill wait to see how this plays out and then ill decide about my next steps. one think i did for sure is i uninstalled twt from my phone (and that already bit my ass the moment dream started his space…) that part of fandom, both people who like (liked?) and hate dream is so damn self-destructive, toxic, manipulative and performative it wasnt worth it anymore. for here, i dont know yet. i dont hate dteam, i think this is very unfortunate and sad and complicated situation that left people very deeply hurt. and i wish it wasnt this way and im pretty sure dteam also wish that. but they cant change it and i cant change it even more

now this is something i dont really know how to tell you but let me try. i never mentioned this bc when i had those realizations, it was too late, everyone moved on and i felt stupid for dwelling on this. i feel stupid now, typing this. the thing is, drituation left me quite traumatized. fucking pathetic, i know. the sudden explosion of fandom left me really badly hurt. i lost a lot of people i genuinely believed to be friends with, and i miss them dearly. i felt, fuck it, still feel deeply betrayed by some of them. i dont want people guess who is who thats not the point, those people moved on long time ago. but that hurt has been really difficult to deal with, especially since realistically i know its quite stupid. crying over some people who were following me back for a few months? but i tried to let myself heal and grow love for this community again and i thought we will be okay. drituation felt like the end of the world but we got through it and I thought we are smarter. and well. im not trying to blame anyone or even a whole community, idk maybe i want to blame the universe for putting me here or society for working this way i dont know. but im hurting and i need to find a better way to deal with things going the wrong way. and it deeply upsets me but im afraid that i have to learn how to love you all less. and i honestly dont know yet what that means, how moving forward will look like. i dont have to make this decision now so i let myself stay away from social media for a while still and then go with presented situation the best i can. i dont try to make anyone responsible for my wellbeing i want to make this clear. im just trying to share my feelings and give you context for whatever happen in the nearest future. no matter what i need more healthy relationship not even with ccs but with community itself (and if you see me rebloging hazbin hotel fanarts. spare me...)

in this place i do want to state that no matter what i dont think dteam are bad people. im not closing myself at possibility of participating in the fandom, probably less though things i mentioned earlier. but if any of those things make you uncomfortable in any way, feel free to unfollow/softblock

im leaving my askbox open if anyone has anything to say, add, or idk, scream at me. not sure if i answer any tho. also if i delete this post in the next 10 minutes out of embarrassment then well, haha

on the final note i want once again thank you all for supporting me when i needed help for my cat. you all did something amazing, something i will never forget and i wish to hug everyone of you in person. thank you

see you around. one day. maybe tomorrow maybe in 10 days. idk

and if you are moving on in different direction, if we ever meet again, dont be a stranger

[skzstanforeversposts]

Chew toy ~

Lee: Bangchan Ler: Minho

explenation: What squeaks? Chan. What also squeaks? Chew toys. And what plays with chew toys that squeaks? Cats. And whos a cat? MINHO.

warning! Teases, Chan is upset and emotional, plus some small nibbles and raspberries <3

------------------------------------------------------------------------------Chan sighed, using his last strength to finally be done with the song, checking the clock to only reveal the light of the words 'three AM' on it with a groan.

He regretted even going to italy with the other members at this point, wishing he just could have lied that he was sick. BUt now, here he was, stuck with a pile of work that only he could take on.

He hasnt told any of the other members about it tho, becayse he didnt want them to feel bad for leaving him with so much work.

He was alone in the studio, Han and Changbin had stormed out earlier that night because Chan was so stressed and tired, that he regrettably took it out on them.

Chan began feeling so overwhelmed, and slowly but surely, tears started to roll down his pretty face (he is so pretty tho, no joke-). His plump lips formed into some sort of pout, before letting broken sobs break thru them.

He lowered his head, feeling the weight of everything pressing him lower and lower into the deep darkness of sadness, he felt like he was somehow drowning without being able to breath.

But then, a sort of hope appeared from the door to the studio, in form of an angry looking Minho. He was probably there to curse out Chan for hurting Hans feelings, which he pretty much did.

"I cant even belive you right now!-" Minho began, ready to go on a rant. But instead, he stopped. His face turned into a mixture of confusion and concern at what was infront of him. Chan looked at him, his voice weak and his face filled with tears and puffyness

"Im so tired..."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------Minho was sitting on the couch, the older in his lap, sipping on some iced coffee from a straw. He hasnt spoken since what happened before, which was only just twenty minutes ago to give him a break.

The dancer didnt even know what to do either, just slowly rubbing Chans back while humming to him soothingly. When Chan seemed calm enough, he began speaking

"So, you wanna tell me whats happening now?" His voice was calm, but also stern, showing that he wasnt playing around with this and wanted answers.

"I..i guess i just got so overwhelmed by all the sudden work, i couldnt handle it..." Chan sighed, feeling like he sounded pathetic for not being able to do what he has done for years.

The younger hated it when Chan was like this, too stubborn to ask for help from the others, and then feeling bad for not being able to handle it. Bangchan may be the oldest, but he could be such a little child sometimes.

Minho decided to set a stop for this once and for all, knowing that another meltdown like this could put Chan in a really bad spot with his own mental health. His hands that were rubbing the elders back turned into claws, and he began to scratch up and down instead, making Chan twitch and lean from side to side. Fine, if he was gonna act childish, why not use childish methods to stop it.

Minho leaned his head to Chans neck, speaking into his ears while continuing his little soft scratches. "Whats wrong, big baby? cant handle some little scratchies?" Man, Minho could be a brat sometimes.

Chan began twisting from side to side, trying to soothe one side, only for it to get worse for the other side. He let sound some small giggle like sound, which sounded better than music to Minhos ears. "mhmhm..it tihickles, Minho..."

Minho chuckled, loving how cute his very annoying but weet leader could be. he began turning on the action, digging his nails into the space of Chans sides, tasering the fleshy skin to pull some loud and clear laughter from him. "Ahahahaha!- Plehahahahse, i cahaHAHnt tahake IhiIT theheEHEre!..."

"Too bad, love~ This is a punishment for being a child, for hiding how youve been feeling these past few days, and for taking more than oyu can handle~ Its a tripple win, if i may say so myself~"

Minho teased in a bit of a mom voice, his hands going higher to find the small crevises between his ribs, making sure that all five of his fingers got in there on every side. Chan began twisting and squirming, letting out his iconic squeaks which he alwasy got embarassed about. "Pleahahase stahahahp! Ihihim sohohory, plehahahse thihihis is embahahrasihihng!.."

Minho grinned, loving how Chan was such a muscle giant, but still had one of the most cute laughs in the group. "Aww, youre like my very own chew toy, 'squeak,squeak!' am i right?~" Chans face heated up, and his loud laughs turned into embarassed snickers, the squeaking following him either way like a shadow.

"And do you know what cats do to chew toys?~" Minho asked, knowing what was about to happen. The tickling kind of mushed Chans brains, making him let out a curious "whahahat?" while still giggling. Minho answered in a voice that quickly sent a shiver down Chans spine. "They chew."

Minho quickly bit down on Chans neck, while also shoving his hands onto the spot where the olders thighs met his hips, squeezing that spot with favor while also nibbling and blowing the loudest raspberries he could onto Chans neck.

Chan went insane, feeling like he might die in that moment. Tears ran down his face again, but not from sadness, but from happiness and smirth. He wierdly didnt feel like he was suffocating anymore, he felt free, and able to breath. "NOOOHAHAHAHAHAH! GAHAHAHAD PLEHEHEhAHAHASE NOHOHOHO! NOHOHOT THEHEHAHAHAHAHA!"

Minho winced by the volume of the older, feeling like a siren was placed right on his ear. But he smiled thru it, digging his fingers deeper into the death spot. "Whos a perfect squeaking leader and a lovely person!?"

"MEHEHEHEHEHE!" Chan screamed out, the tears straining hid neck and the collar of his shirt.

" And whats your name!?" "C-CHAHAHAHAN!" "NO your full name!" Minho teased, pushing in even deeper and blowing the loudest adn sloppiest raspberry he could muster up. He wasnt the best at it, but it seemed to work because Chan was howling like a dog.

"CRIAHAHAH- CHIHIHISTOHOHOFER BAHAHANGCHAHAHN!!"

"And who is Christofer Bangchan!?"

"A-A PEHEHEHERFEHEHEHECT SQUHUHUHUEHEHAHAHKY LEHEHAHAHDER AHAHAHND A- A LOHOHOVELY PEHEHEHRSOHOHOHON!!!! NOHOHOW STAHAHAHP!!!" Chan screamed out, his voice hoarse and his face red from having a hard time breathing.

Minhos hands slowed to a stop, and he used his cheeks to wipe away all the saliva from the raspberries off of his neck. Chan slumped against Minho while panting, his weight making both of them fall down onto the couch.

"Now, remember. You said those words because its true, and not just yo get out of tickling, right?" Minho asked in a fake stern voice, gently scratcching at his side. Chan giggled weakly, pushing his hand away before burrying his body against the youngers. "yehehes..i mehant them all..."

"Good, now, wanna go home and apologize to Han and Changbin?.." Minho asked Chan, pwtting his head affectionetly. Chan wanted to do that so badly, but he wrapped his arms around MInho, closing his eyes.

"Can we just stay like this for a while first?...Just an hour,please?..."

Minho Chuckled at thw cute antics off his leader. He wrapped his arms lazily around Chan, and they both slowly fell asleep like that, all alone and in silence, showing each other how much thye loved one another.

"Whatever you say, best leader..."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------And done! I am so happy about this one, becase this is excacly how i think Minho would tickle Chan if he ever had a day like this! <3

Hope you all like this, i kinda suck at writing teases, so if you wanna help me you can show me some good ones that i can use in most of my fics that im definetly gonna write! (not because im a lee that loves getting flustered, i swear! This is for help only, i pinkie promise!).

Bye everyone, eat well, sleep well, and get those tickles you want!

-Lina <3

[gldnstrngs]

i will never not be angry with the way morgana’s character was developed

there are so many layers to her character that could’ve been utilized but was instead boiled down to her “losing her mind” and only wanting power

it starts with merlin poisoning morgana in s2. this may be a very unpopular opinion, but i dont think that being the trigger of morgana actually turning evil was enough…

merlin was wrong to poison her, but he was also put in an impossible position and his only guidance in that moment was a dragon who was desperate for freedom. he didn’t do it because he wanted to, but because he felt like he didn’t have a choice

and, yes, he could’ve talked to morgana, but they were in a high stakes situation where im not sure merlin could actually rationalize with her

people love to solely put the blame on merlin, but its not like morgana was completely innocent either. she may not known at first how morgause was using her as a tool to make all of camelot unconscious, but we could literally see her piecing things together the way merlin was

also, she was working with morgause and i know it was because she wanted uther dead (literally who doesn’t?), but it came with the risk of hurting camelot’s people and also betraying arthur’s trust

in s3 when morgana returns, merlin feels a lot of remorse and that is something that morgana can see. she confronts him and pretends she didn’t become evil, and literally says “you were just trying to protect your friends. i would’ve done the same” which she WOULDVE. morgana was known to be passionate and kindhearted and would’ve done anything to protect her friends (and actively did so), and maybe she wouldn’t have went about it the same way merlin did, but she would’ve eventually come to understand his actions, especially because she allied with darker forces

with that being said, if the writers wanted to make morgana mad at merlin then that’s fine because she has the right to (to an extent), but why take it out on arthur and gwen, who hadn’t done her any harm (before she found out she’s arthur’s half-sister and that arwen was a thing)?

she was raised with arthur and literally said in s1 that he’s a better man than his father. she had faith in him, which was shown when he helped the people of ealdor and when he went to get the mortaeus flower so he could save merlin

and we know that gwen was her maid for several years at that point, and they were literally best friends! so why turn on her, especially when she didn’t do anything to morgana? it can be argued that morgana was frustrated with arthur’s complacency, but there wasn’t any actual reason for her to turn on gwen, especially knowing how she lost her father not too long ago because of uther’s actions

another thing that really upsets me is how morgana uses her class against merlin, so he won’t expose her??? she was literally opposed to classism and did her best to help camelot’s people, but now she was using her standing against merlin

and she uses it when she exposes arthur and gwen for dating. morgana was completely aware that uther wouldnt be happy to find out that arthur was with a maid of all people, so she used that against them

these are all things that were exceptionally out of character for morgana. i know she was under the influence of morgause for roughly a year, but she went from being on the fence about which side to take to immediately going against the people who knew and loved her for years

it’s not like they had to keep morgana’s character completely good the whole time, but she is very nuanced. instead of making her outright evil, the writers should’ve done more to have her juggle with what side she wants to be on. realistically, she wouldn’t just pick morgause, who she really barely knows, over arthur and gwen, who have been her friends for years, without hesitation

and maybe morgana could’ve still ended up being an antagonist, but instead of making her completely bloodthirsty, she could’ve continued to struggle with her feelings towards arthur and gwen and even merlin. in the end, her anger was towards uther because he was the one to persecute magical people, not the others. we could’ve seen her deal with the guilt of inherently going against arthur because she wanted to kill uther (and, no matter how much she hated uther, she was raised by him and clearly showed love for him)

morgana wasn’t just some absolutely unhinged villain. its not like it would be impossible for her to lose sight of what she wanted, but there was no actual transition to get to that point. by the end of the show, she still wanted arthur dead, but i dont think that would’ve actually been the case if she didn’t deal with character assassination

even in the legend (based on which interpretation), morgana is the one to send off arthur’s dead body. i don’t think she wouldve actually wanted arthur to die, especially because arthur didn’t want to see her dead, but it wouldve inevitably happened and that would be when she fully realized everything she did wrong

idk i just have so many thoughts about morgana’s character like she actually deserved so much better 😭 if they were going to make her a villain then they should’ve written that storyline better

[alilixx]

Can we get jealous cuddy 👀

Of course! I'm so sorry for being late. I had some things to deal with in real life, and I didn't have any ideas for a fanfic. OKAY SO IM SO SORRY FOR BEING LATE I NEEDED TO SEE A DOCTOR, hope you will like it tho ! <3

You had always appreciated working under Lisa Cuddy’s leadership. She was not only an excellent doctor but also a respected manager and a woman you admired immensely. However, lately, the atmosphere between the two of you seemed strange, although you couldn't quite pinpoint the exact cause.

It all started when Stacey, House’s ex-girlfriend, returned to the hospital. You found in her an ally and a friend in dealing with the issue known as "House." Your interactions were light and pleasant, and soon, you began spending more and more time together, having lunch or chatting about everything and nothing in between consultations. Cuddy, on the other hand, seemed distant, more reserved with you. Sometimes, you noticed her gaze—not angry, but... troubled.

One day, while you were talking with Chase in the break room, you noticed Lisa watching you from a distance. There was something in her gaze, a spark you had never seen before. When Chase slipped away after advising you to go talk to her, you hesitated before approaching her. Nothing could go wrong, right?

"Lisa, is everything okay?"

She looked up from her papers, her expression perfectly controlled.

"Yes, everything is fine," she replied in a neutral tone. "Why do you ask?"

You felt a pang in your heart, uncertain of the truth in her response. "It’s just that... I feel like something is bothering you."

Cuddy had sighed lightly, lifting her eyes to meet yours. "Maybe you should focus a little less on Stacey and a little more on your work," she said with a hint of irritation.

Of course, this hurt you. You had studied so hard to work here, and even here, you fought to keep your mental health in the best shape. You were doing good work; it was rare for you to have problems with patients or nurses.

Her remark took your breath away. Was she... jealous? You almost protested, but the words got stuck in your throat. Without saying another word, you left the room, heart heavy. Afterward, you began to distance yourself from Stacey, hoping it would calm the situation. And indeed, things became more relaxed between you and Lisa. At least, that’s what you thought.

You continued with your usual routine, often talking to Chase or Cameron when the two were a couple. They were so different, making them good advisors. Stacey watched you with a hint of sadness as you only spoke to her briefly, but you couldn’t afford to get on your boss’s bad side; work was more important than just a colleague.

Shortly after Stacey’s departure, you grew closer to Eric Foreman, a competent and intelligent colleague with whom you enjoyed exchanging ideas. Once again, you noticed that Lisa seemed upset whenever you talked to him, especially outside of a professional setting. That day, she even swept through the room in a hurry, deliberately avoiding you.

This routine of avoidance had lasted for several months, and your friends outside of work (excluding Chase and Cameron, of course) had noticed that you weren’t doing well.

Not knowing what else to do, and exhausted by this silent tension, you decided to take a few days off. Maybe some space would help you see things more clearly.

Three days into your "sick leave," there was a knock at your door. You opened it to find Lisa Cuddy standing in front of you, looking nervous and a bit lost.

"Lisa..." you murmured, surprised.

She took a deep breath, as if searching for the right words. "I... I came to apologize. I think... I haven’t been fair to you. I let my feelings get the better of me."

You felt your heart race. "Your feelings?"

Cuddy nodded, her gaze locking onto yours. "I think I’m jealous, but not just because of Stacey or Foreman. I’m jealous because... you mean a lot to me. More than I was willing to admit to myself, so please, give me a chance. I don’t even know if you’re attracted to women or to me, but Y/N, please."

The words hung between you, heavy with meaning and promise. You gently took her hand, the uncertainty giving way to clarity.

"You mean a lot to me too, Lisa," you murmured, looking her in the eyes. "I’ll give you a chance, but let’s do this right."

Lisa nodded, a slight smile forming on her lips. Without another word, you gently pulled her inside your apartment, closing the door behind you. She didn’t resist, allowing herself to be guided by your gesture, as if she had been waiting for this moment for a long time.

The atmosphere between you two had changed. The next day at noon, Lisa suggested going out for lunch together at a little restaurant she particularly liked. You agreed, delighted to spend a more intimate moment with her, away from the hospital corridors and prying eyes.

The restaurant was charming, with solid wood tables and lit candles creating a warm ambiance. Sitting face to face, you shared a delicious meal, filled with laughter and deep conversations. Lisa seemed more relaxed, her smile constant and her eyes shining with that sparkle you loved so much.

"I’m glad we had that conversation," she confided, absentmindedly playing with her glass. "I don’t want any more misunderstandings between us."

"Me neither," you replied sincerely. "I really care about you, Lisa, and I want this to work between us."

The afternoon continued in the same gentle and close atmosphere. You strolled through the streets of the city, visiting a few shops, sharing memories, and laughing about everything and nothing. Time flew by, and soon, the day began to fade, giving way to the first light of dusk.

In the evening, back at your place, you decided to cook together. It was a simple idea, but it seemed perfect to end this special day. In the kitchen, the atmosphere was light and relaxed. You chose to prepare an Italian dish, a recipe that Lisa loved.

She took care of the pasta while you made the sauce. Your movements were synchronized, and from time to time, your hands brushed against each other, triggering knowing smiles. At one point, Lisa accidentally spilled some sauce on your apron, and you both burst out laughing.

"I think you're better in an operating room than in the kitchen," you teased. Lisa laughed, shaking her head. "You’re not wrong. Good thing you’re here to fix my mistakes."

The kitchen filled with the tantalizing smell of the meal, but also with something more intangible: the warmth and growing affection between the two of you. Once dinner was ready, you set the table, lighting a few candles to create an even more intimate atmosphere.

The meal you shared was simple but delicious, and most importantly, it was a perfect reflection of your day: a mutual discovery, full of warmth and affection. After eating, you tidied up the kitchen together before settling on the couch with a glass of wine.

"Thank you for today," Lisa murmured, resting her head on your shoulder. "It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this good."

You placed a kiss on her forehead, feeling exactly the same way. "We should do this more often," you replied softly, savoring the moment, determined to make this relationship something beautiful and lasting.

No words or movements were made for a long while. The silence settled in, not awkward, but comforting. You realized the sensation you felt at that moment—a gentle, enveloping warmth, the desire to stay there, simply, with her.

Your hands were intertwined, and you could feel the light pressure of her fingers against yours. Lisa kept her head on your shoulder, her breathing steady and calm. You stayed there, your lips meeting in soft, slow kisses, filled with this newfound tenderness. Nothing else mattered at that moment but her presence by your side.

You’d be lying if you said this relationship didn’t scare you. There were doubts, uncertainties. What if you ended up losing her? What if all of this was just a fleeting dream, destined to crumble over time? The very thought of losing this connection that had just begun to form made your head spin.

But at the same time, the temptation to be with her, to see how far this story could go, was stronger than anything. Deep down, you knew you wanted to be by her side, no matter the risks. This relationship, as frightening as it might be, represented something precious—a chance to love and be loved like never before.

And if this chance also meant the possibility of spending your life with her, then you were ready to seize it, to face any fears that might arise along the way. After all, love was worth a few risks, especially if it was to be with her, Lisa Cuddy.

You would have never known or even imagined that Cuddy was into switching roles. You had no doubt she liked to give, but to receive? Especially the way she asked if you could take control in bed this time. Of course, you accepted; this woman deserved everything.

It was the same time you came home from work later than she did, which was rare, but who would have expected to find her in the bedroom, lying on the bed, moaning your name with a "mommy" right after? You hadn’t made a sound, thinking she was asleep, but seeing her with a vibrator inside her, calling out your name, left you breathless. This vision of Lisa was one of the most arousing possible. When she saw you, she suddenly stopped, leaving only the sound of the vibrator, and you moved toward her, holding the toy in place.

Instantly, Lisa felt all her muscles tense at once. Something started vibrating inside her—literally vibrating deep within her—pressed against her folds, just behind her clit, against that perfect spot that made her pussy tight and warm.

You leaned down and gave her a kiss on the temple to reassure her in addition to your words which simply told her that she was a good girl for you, you managed to have the desired effect, seeing her tense up against the sheets in below her.

You wanted to push her over the edge with the biggest orgasm she had ever had in order to reassure her and make her understand that you loved being dominant. Along with your tongue on her breasts, it begins to swell strangely, filling her, vibrating and pulsing against her hot, slick folds in a way that is entirely pleasurable for Lisa.

The dean can't help but gasp, closing her eyes and unable to form coherent words. “I think that’s enough baby,” you whisper softly.

Slowly the new toy inside her pussy decreased in size and slowed its vibrations. It feels like a shrinking knot, then a love egg, then it's too small to feel descriptively. Lisa can always tell there's something inside her, but it's the smallest, most harmless of intrusions.

You could see her move her hips against the mattress so she could feel the toy again but nothing happened, she looked at you as you blocked her hands from her pussy. “No sweetheart, you won’t touch yourself if I don’t tell you.”

Lisa moaned in annoyance, she had wanted this for so long into this day and her girlfriend wouldn't even make her come. After a few seconds of pure torture, you turned the toy back on. The toy was going so deep inside Lisa that tears were streaming down her cheeks. The vibrations are so powerful you could hear them - whirring, pulsing, mechanically rumbling like a revving engine. You lowered Lisa slowly, gently, bringing her away from the cliff edge of a fast, hard orgasm.

The only "Please" she said to you made your heart ache but she couldn't cum now, you wouldn't allow her again. You choose a low, gentle vibration setting – enough so that Lisa can feel it bringing on her orgasm, but not enough to push her over the edge. "If you're still a good girl by the time I finish my paperwork for my patients, we can go over things."

The minutes passed and you were finishing the last papers while Lisa was moaning, you stayed in the room to see if she respected the conditions in order to reward her properly. She hadn't done anything except beg you. Did she deserve it? Of course but you were going to have to tease her again, if she asked you to stop you would and she knew it but she hadn't used the word yet.

You sat on the edge of the bed calling to her, she stood between your legs. You had to hold his hips from the way her legs were shaking. "My good girl, you tried so hard not to come. I think you deserve a reward don't you? Mommy will let you come on her thigh but you have to do the work when she tells you to come, you can. "

Lisa nodded and she sat on your thigh and rubbed against it, moaning. The friction and the toy inside her felt so good and she was trying hard not to come, when you saw the tears on her cheeks again, you turned the toy up all the way and came to take her breasts in your mouth in turn and she comes on your leg.

The orgasm was so long, you hoped you hadn't gone too far but when you noticed the smile on her face after slowly going down the pace of the toy. She comes to give you a quick kiss and thank you. Wasn't it perfect?

[doumadono]

EMERGENCY REQUEST

(i put this in when your tumblr was banned so idk if you saw it)

i have a friend who recently took his life. he was very close to me and none of us were expecting it. could you do bf!bakugo comforting f!reader? i wont go into specifics about our friend, but he was 16. :( (im 19, a mentor of his.)

A/N: hiya, dear Anonnie. I did receive your request earlier, but I couldn't fulfill it immediately due to the ban. I want to apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. I'm truly sorry to hear about your friend. Losing someone in such a way can be incredibly challenging and painful. It's important to allow yourself the time to grieve and process your emotions. Remember that it's okay to feel a wide range of emotions, from shock and anger to sadness and confusion. Please know that I'm here for you, and I'm willing to listen or offer support in any way you need

EMERGENCY REQS MASTERLIST

The news had hit like a thunderbolt, leaving Katsuki Bakugo and his girlfriend in a state of shock. Their close friend had taken his own life, leaving behind a gaping void in their lives. Katsuki knew he had to be there for her, to offer solace in the face of the devastating storm of emotions that had engulfed her.

Katsuki watched as his girlfriend sat on the edge of their bed, her tears falling freely. Her sobs echoed through the room, a painful reminder of the anguish she was experiencing. Slowly, he approached her, his heart aching at the sight of her pain.

He reached out to touch her shoulder, but she flinched away. Her sorrow and anger were like a wall, blocking out any attempts at comfort. "Leave me alone, Kats!"

Katsuki's temper flared, and he briefly turned away, his own emotions a tumultuous mix of anger, frustration, and sadness. But then he paused, understanding that his anger wouldn't help. He knew this wasn't about him. It was about her inner pain and the unbearable loss she was grappling with, just as he was. He took a deep breath, steeling himself, and turned back to her. "Look, I get it," Katsuki began, his voice softer, more tender. "I know you're hurting, and you have every right to be angry and upset. But I'm here, and I'm not leaving you alone in this mess, princess."

His words seemed to cut through the haze of her pain, and she glanced up at him, her eyes red-rimmed and puffy. "I don't know what to do, Katsuki," she whispered, her voice trembling. "I can't stop the pain, and I can't make sense of any of this."

Katsuki took her hand, his touch gentle but firm. "You don't have to do this alone," he said. "We'll figure it out together. Let me in, and let me help you."

She nodded, and slowly, hesitantly, she allowed him to pull her into his arms after he took seat by her side. Katsuki held her tightly, his warmth and strength a balm for her raw emotions. They sat there in silence for a while, the only sound being her occasional sniffles and his steady heartbeat.

"Get it all out," he encouraged. "Scream if you need to."

As her cries and screams echoed through the room, she finally found the words to express the turmoil within her. "I feel lost, Katsuki," she choked out between sobs. "I feel angry, and I feel guilty. I don't understand why he did this, and it's tearing me apart. Why didn't he talk to me? Why couldn't I help him?!"

Katsuki listened, his heart breaking for her. He held her even tighter, allowing her to let it all out. "You did nothing wrong," he said. "You couldn't have known. It's not your fault, none of this is."

Her screams turned into desperate cries, and she clung to Katsuki as if he were her lifeline. "It hurts so much!!!"

Katsuki let a single tear stream down his cheek, his voice deep and heavy with emotion. "I feel it too," he admitted, his voice trembling. "I feel responsible for not doing enough, for not seeing it coming. But dammit, it won't change a goddamn thing, princess. I want you to know something. Time will help you heal. The wound may never fully close, but it'll scab over, and it'll hurt a little less with each passing day. And no one is ever truly gone as long as we keep them in our hearts and minds."

Bakugo held her at arm's length, locking his gaze with hers. "Our friend will always be a part of us, a part of our memories, and in the way we live our lives. We'll keep him alive in our hearts, and that way, he'll never truly be gone."

Tears welled up in her eyes once more, but this time, they were not tears of despair. They were tears of acceptance, of understanding, and of the beginning of the healing process.

Katsuki wiped them away gently. "I promise, we'll get through this together." Katsuki kissed her forehead, his lips warm and reassuring. "You don't have to do it alone. I'm right here, with you, every step of the way."

As the night wore on, Katsuki continued to hold her, whispering words of comfort and reassurance. He was her rock in the storm, unwavering and unyielding, providing the support she so desperately needed. And as the hours passed, she finally cried herself to sleep, cradled in his secure embrace.

In the midst of their shared grief, Katsuki had found a way to offer her the comfort she needed, understanding that her emotions were a turbulent sea that he couldn't control but was determined to navigate with her. Together, they would find their way through the darkness, one step at a time.

[actual-changeling]

(im slow what was the intentionally cruel part.?)

I will gladly elaborate!

This turned into a bit of a long answer, so welcome to an unplanned episode of Alex's (today hinged) meta corner!

While he was being unintentionally cruel several times throughout their argument, the only time he actively chose to say the most hurtful thing was right at the end:

I forgive you.

To them, that phrase has an uncomfortable history, especially for Crowley, and out of all the responses Aziraphale could have given him, he chose this one. Every other time he has used this, is was never about 'forgiveness' as such—it is Aziraphale trying to recreate the dynamic he has with heaven with Crowley.

It's Aziraphale looking at Crowley and telling him that the way he is is wrong, that he needs heaven's forgiveness, that he needs to change. All of that was made all the more clear by Aziraphale literally asking him to go back to heaven.

Crowley responds with distress to any of his 'forgiveness' phrases, which should technically be enough to make Aziraphale stop saying it, because who likes to intentionally distress someone you care about?

Aziraphale, apparently, but that's a topic for another time.

Now, I have combed through the final fifteen so many times I can probably recognize most of the frames and their time stamp with one look, and Aziraphale has two responses to the kiss:

His initial reaction, the one that is true to his emotions, is the aborted sentence. I interpret what he was going to say as "I love you" simply because the sounds and mouth shapes match very well (I have also written a whole meta post about that at some point).

Then he changes his mind though, and you can see that shift on his face, the angry slant of his mouth.

This is said out of anger, it is spoken with the intention to hurt Crowley by saying it—and he does. Not only did Crowley see it coming, it was also the last nail in the coffin of their relationship.

Enough is enough.

To be thorough (because I do enjoy being thorough), here are some closeups of the progression he goes to. First the gif, which is slowed down for convenience like the one above, and Michael Sheen really is a master of micro-expressions, every single moved muscle has an intention behind it.

At first, he is genuinely upset & sad, but then his expression settles and changes into something angry and almost cold. He knows exactly

a) what he is going to say

b) what the words mean in the context of their relationship and

c) that Crowley will be upset.

For some reason, he did not expect Crowley to leave; I think his intention was to make Crowley angry, to rile him up again.

Why?

Because Aziraphale does not like it when Crowley refuses to do exactly what he wants, and anger means you are still in a conversation, you're still emotionally attached—and emotions can be manipulated.

In reality, Crowley is already past his breaking point. He reached that the second Aziraphale responded to "tell me you said no" with "If I'm in charge".

Everything that comes after is heartbroken desperation and that stupid little voice telling him to keep trying because you rather leave knowing that you tried everything instead of forever wondering if saying or doing x might have changed something.

As always, feel free to ask any questions that might pop up!

[haemosexuality]

im rewatching she-ra and naturally im gonna want to write about it a lot. starting by breaking down the catradora conflict origin story scene from s01e02 the sword part 2

people have said this before but the most important thing to keep in mind here is how different their understanding of whats going on is. theyre both approaching this with completely different views and so they misunderstand what the other means.

Adora: There's no time. We have to put a stop this.

Catra: What? Why?

Adora: Because this is a civilian town. Look around! These aren't insurgents. They're innocent people.

Catra: Yeah, sure. Innocent people who kidnapped a Horde officer. Now come on, let's get you back to the Fright Zone. Shadow Weaver is freaking out. [laughing] It'd be funny if she weren't such a terrible person.

so immediately theres two things i wanna say about this part, about how catra reacts to stuff. first off, something we learn about catra throughout the whole show and especially in the portal-alternative-reality, is that shes big on Pretending Nothing Is Wrong. whenever shes feeling upset or angry about something, she will start joking around and acting like shes just totally super chill guys, dw ("Ugh, whatever. It's not like I even care. I just wanna get out of this dump at some point before I dieee of boredom). Shes acting like that in this scene. Adora was missing for hours, shadow weaver was breathing down her neck and threatening her, she was already worried adora might have left at this point. she cant let adora know how worried she was tho, so shes all jokes and fast paced conversation. To Adora, tho, it just looks like catra doesnt care, like she doesnt understand the gravity of the situation.

and the other thing is that honestly? I dont think catra does care. about the town, i mean. i think catra was ready for war in a way adora never was. theyre both seeing combat for the first time here, and adora hates it. training for war is completely different than being in the battlefield, and adora couldnt handle it. face to face with it she couldnt tolerate seeing people suffering and dying, houses being burned down, a whole village destroyed. when the horde brainwashed adora into thinking they were only doing the necessary to save etheria, she completely and fully believed it, and when faced with the reality of the horde she immediately realized how wrong that was. Catra, tho, could not care less. she never believed in what the horde said, she knew full well what the horde did, so this isnt a surprise for her. and i do think shes naturally a bit sadistic, or at least growing up among the violence of the horde made her so. either way, shes seeing battle here for the first time and shes completely fine with it. doesnt even spare it all a second glance. why would she care about these people she never met if the most important thing in the world is right here in front of her? (i think even if adora hadnt left that night and went into the battlefield as a force captain, she wouldve ended up deserting. she cant stand seeing people suffer and she cant stand not saving them. shes too good, too selfless for that. catra isnt.) (also she is so ready to kill at all times. she loves violence. i once saw someone say how shadow weaver thought adora was the "cutthroat, ruthless warrior" when that was actually catra and they were totally right)

adora is also trying something futile here, she doesnt need to explain to catra that the horde is bad and hurts innocent ppl because catra has known that all her life

Adora: Catra, no. I can't go back. Not until the Horde leaves this town alone. You have to help me.

Catra: What are you saying?

Adora: I’m saying, this is wrong. They've been lying to us, manipulating us. Hordak, Shadow Weaver, all of them.

Catra: Duh! Did ya just figure that out? Manipulation is Shadow Weaver's whole thing. She's been messing with our heads since we were kids.

(the captions in the pics are slightly wrong, nvm that.) everything i said before. adora just realized all of this, while catra has always known, probably because the abuse adora suffered was more manipulation-and-brainwashing, while shadow weaver always made clear to catra that she didnt give a shit about her, so she suffered physical abuse with little attempt to convince her this was fine.

the "what are you saying?" is one of the things that show how different their perspective is. adora is talking about going against the horde and helping the town, while catra immediately gets more personal. what do you mean? are you saying that you might leave the horde? leave me?

Adora: How could you possibly be okay with that?

adora means, how could you be ok with the horde lying about its actions, and killing innocent people? how could you be ok with the horde raising us to do the same? and catra hears, how could you be ok with shadow weaver and hordak abusing us?

Catra: Because, it doesn't matter what they do. The two of us look out for each other. And soon we'll be calling the shots. Now come on, can we go home already?

catra replies: because, i love you. because you have my back and i have yours. because nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other, remember? and soon enough, we'll be powerful enough that they cant hurt us anymore. Adora hears, because i dont care about these people dying, the only thing thats important is you and i. and anyways, soon its gonna be Us killing them, isnt that good? lets go back home to the evil murder place.

Adora: I'm not going home, Catra. I can't. Not after everything I've seen. Come with me. You don't have to go back there. We can fix this.

adora says: im starting to realize now how wrong i was about everything. we're not the good guys, and i cant stand for that. i cant stand around and watch people get hurt. i cant stand around and watch you get hurt. lets leave, together, and have a better life, please. lets do the right thing.

Catra: Are you kidding? You've known these people for, what, a couple of hours? And now you're just gonna throw everything away for them?

catra hears, shes willing to leave me. after everything i did for her, all that i took, all of these years of us being together, she would still leave me. she would break our promise. she would leave me behind.

and then she straight up electrocutes adora. ok

she says it was a reflex, but i dont know if i believe her. i dont think she likes hurting adora (not physically. not by this point, anyways), but i do think that shes the type to lash out when upset and immediately regret it, then feel guily about it. which just makes her more upset. :(

Catra: Oh, man. That was a lot stronger than I thought. Are you okay?

Adora: Why are you doing this?

Catra: Because you left me! And if I don't bring you back, Shadow Weaver’s gonna have my head. So, enough with your weird little identity crisis and let's go home already. Or do I need to zap you again?

thats the last time they talk. adora gets teleported away by glimmer, and when they see each other again, its clear that they both made their choice.

the moment adora showed catra she was willing to leave her, there was no coming back for them. because catra would never get over that. she'd spend all her life in that hellscape, putting up with abuse and bullying and probably so much more we dont get to see, because of the promise adora made her. and, in her eyes, adora was ready to leave her on the first opportunity that came up. that hurt. that broke her. and that released something really ugly inside of her.

cue in 2,5 years of homoerotic rivalry and trauma. ok post over if you read this i hope you liked it <3 bye

[bengiyo]

Sing My Crush: Men Need to Be Angry Sometimes

Now that episodes 5 and 6 of Sing My Crush have aired, I finally feel like I have the confidence and timing to write this post. I’m not sure how many men are in Tumblr BL fandom watching and writing along with us, but it often feels like there’s less than ten of us. As such, there are times when these guys express intense emotions that the (femme) fandom at large seems to struggle with that make perfect sense for me, particularly when it comes to anger.

The most notable recent example of my breaking with fandom reactions happened with Episode 10 of La Pluie with Phat’s explosion in the rain confrontation and aftermath. I thought that Phat’s betrayal and hurt came through loudly, and I totally understood him finally losing his cool after being dicked around by Saengtai for multiple years. Others struggled with this and turned on Phat. Today, I want to talk about Han Baram and Im Hantae and Hantae’s choice to take Baram to a boxing gym to vent out his frustrations.

Quite a bit happens in this episode in terms of the broad spectrum of male feeling. With Sangin, you get his need for control and power. He is cruel in every interaction and physically throws Baram into a wall to yell in his face.

He derides Hantae and diminishes the support he’s given Baram for years.

With Jeong Pal, we get him crying and despondent over Baram’s decision to leave them. He is allowed to be upset, and all Hantae asks is that they try to trust Baram.

Baram is so sad for me because he’s always holding so much of his feelings inside. I love Baram’s confession to Hantae in this episode because it feels not too dissimilar to the first love song he wrote: Letter of Apology. He feels like his feelings are a burden to others and that he is inconveniencing them. He doesn’t even wait around to let Hantae process what’s going on, like many of his K-BL brethren recently (Looking at you Our Dating Sim and Individual Circumstances!).

Finally, we get to In Hamtae. After all the awful things that have gone down this episode, he is so gentle with Han Baram before taking him to the boxing gym.

He leads him by the hand to a seat and gently wraps his hands for him even as you can see he’s still pissed with Han Baram the whole time. He even takes a moment to laugh and call Baram cute while putting on the headgear.

Once they finally get to the boxing ring, he gives Baram a literal shove to get his emotions out so he can finally vent his frustrations. He tells Baram to envision his right hand and Jin Sangin and his left hand as Im Hantae. He sees the uncertainty in Baram’s eyes, and reassures him that he envisions punching Baram’s face all the time and to not overthink it. He cheers Baram on as he finally starts to punch with force. We even get to hear Baram’s exertions as he’s finally letting out his feelings.

Y’all, when I tell you I started to cry so hard as Baram finally got to audibly express some of his frustrations. He needed to be mad. He deserved to be mad. What Sangin did to him was cruel. He ruined Baram’s first confession. He made him feel weird and undesirable. He later stole his goddamned song from him. He threatened him if Baram tried to fight back in any way. Baram needed to express that anger. It isn’t always going to be pretty, and I love that Im Hantae gave him a space to do that.

Still, we’re not done. Im Hantae makes them switch places, and he’s practiced at this. He says all of the feelings that are on his mind:

If you go to Highcode Entertainment, what about our band?

What about our dream?

What about me?

You’re so bad. How could you have confessed in that way?

That’s why you got dumped.

Then he throws the gloves at Han Baram, who asks such a heartbreaking question: “Why is it so tiring to like someone? What did I do wrong?” Im Hantae hugs him, and Han Baram is finally starting to push back on how others make him feel when he chides Hantae for how hard he hit him. Hantae assures him that he did nothing wrong and the two of them end up resting on the floor of the gym together in a shot that definitely came from the source material.

I just absolutely love that the final scenes of this episode are about how righteous it is for Baram and Hantae to be angry and upset about the things that have happened, including the things they might have done to each other. Men feel the full gamut of emotions, and anger is one of those. Sometimes that anger comes out explosively, and often it’s ugly. It is so important to me that we earnestly engage with men’s anger in a genre about close, personal relationships. We often get angry on behalf of characters that are being done wrong, and I think it’s so important that we interrogate the kinds of anger we allow characters to express in our shows.

With these two, there’s something so special about the tenderness Hantae showed Baram before, during, and after the boxing sequence to make sure Baram finally let out his own frustrations and hurt.