#i can't explain it to myself any other way

[futchivemind]

yaoi glasses off, it does intrigue me that there is a clear contradiction in Viktor's thought process when showing Jayce the arcane.

he shows Jayce the arcane in order to stop himself, in another timeline, to get corrupted by the arcane. but if he never showed Jayce the arcane in the first place then he wouldn't be having this problem. if he never showed Jayce magic, then he'd never think of pursuing it, therefore they'd never meet, and hextech would never be created.

obviously this is most likely just a plot hole they didn't think about, but if you think about it outside of that... maybe Viktor was just being selfish. he knew that hextech was the only way they could ever actually meet and partner up. even if they crossed paths, there was no reason for the assistant of the dean to get seriously involved with some random student. he kept showing Jayce the arcane because he knows how much he, and therefore every other version of him, love Jayce. yes, it ends in catastrophe, but like he said— Jayce can, and will save him. maybe that too was an unspeakable act for love. selfish love, but love nonetheless.

[mettasing]

maybe it's linked with society in general. people need to brag and pull through, put on a "pulling yourself by your bootstraps" facade to justify their pain and pass as deserving of compassion and help (and it can backfire). still, this game is unfair. it makes you sick in the head, it makes you part of this world-view where ordinary people with chronic illnesses and neurodivergencies who cannot "make up" for their supposed "inadequacy" with savant-like shit, or who cannot just come through and show unmatched resilience, are seen as unworthy, as weak, as whiny.

i myself cannot even start to explain my shortcomings in this world not accommodated for me to other people, because from the get-go i know that they will put on this dreaded facade of successful, wise, unbothered, fuckass annoying bootstrappers, and i will "bother" them with "excuses". my classmate needs to take their pills debilitating them, making them skip lessons, but managing their condition that won't go away. i get that uni teachers aren't your wise mentors, and bureaucracy is a vile beast, but my classmate is not being treated nicely at all because of this fact (i know that "uni" part may make me sound like a fucking hypocrite, but higher education seems like almost a must in my country; it goes away slowly, but i saw abled people getting panic attacks and needing help there). if the person is deemed "annoying", "flawed" then they can't be empathised with at all and they don't deserve understanding and accomodations. when you try to advocate for yourself, you are annoying. when you're just experiencing shit and god forbid if it's not private, you are annoying. when people cannot find anything worthy in you, be it your intelligence, beauty, charisma or some fucking sort of "quirkiness" i guess – and be it in a reasonable amount, you are annoying. and if you are annoying, no one cares. you're annoying them with your stupidity, with your weirdness, with your excuses, you're bothering them, you're abusing their emotional resources by being someone who's having a hard time in any way and could really use some compassion and help, by being your struggling self. to them, you're ignoring their asinine advices that, also to them, are wise just because they said it, you don't want to be good.

and – voilà – you're not a person anymore.

Kinda fucked up that we all coo and sympathize with "former gifted kids" but never talk about the students who had to stay late after school or over the summer for remedial classes/clubs, who struggled to get above a C, who were given up on or punished. Who tried so hard to understand or just couldn't. Who were grouped with the "stupid kids" (a classmate called us that in remedial math btw)

Autistic kids and adhders who can't relate to their gifted peers and are constantly alienated by them. Kids who struggled in school due to dealing with a chronic or mental illness or physical/learning/developmental disability. Those of us who have had to drop out of highschool or college. Kids who worked so hard and wanted to be seen as smart, but never were. Who watched as their peers seem to fly by them in school, while they were left behind. Who were bullied and put down by those in the gifted and honors classes. Whose confidence was absolutely destroyed by education.

I love you all and I'm so sorry the school system failed you. I'm sorry you weren't properly accommodated and given the education you deserved. I'm sorry people put you down for something that they never had to fight for.

[dragon-ascent]

Wouldn't it be fun to be vengefully pursued by Zhongli, who's out to catch and punish you because you broke a contract?

You propose the idea to your husband, explaining the appeal of the "thrill of the chase," so to speak. Now, you're a bit of a wuss, so you don't actually break any kind of contract; Zhongli, more than willing to humor you, agrees to pretend you have broken one nevertheless.

"Oh noooo," you repeat for the umpteenth time, making your way across the bridge leading home, "whatever will I doooo? Spare me!"

"I'm afraid is there no escape for you, my dearest," answers Zhongli, stalking over to you with all the deadly speed and malice of a snail. Then again, even you're not running away either, your gait more akin to a slow dance without contact.

Waltzing away, you shoot back with zero verve, "I'm downright terrified. I'm, like, so scared for my life right now." In the midst of your chase, you nearly step on a puddle - oh no, you can't ruin your new shoes, and the puddle's too wide to sidestep.

Zhongli takes notice, scooping you up and plopping you down on the other side. "Here we are, dear."

"Thanks! Ahem, now...eeeeek! He's gaining on meeee." You continue your half-hearted trudge away from him as he resumes his thrilling pursuit of you.

"Just wait until I get my hands on you. I shall show you no mercy." He's walking as though it's a casual evening promenade.

"That sounds excit- I mean, horrible! Horrible, yes." Reaching your doorstep, you make to unlock the door. "Gotta get to safety and protect myself!"

Like a true gentleman, the god waits patiently while you fiddle with the key.

"Pssst, Zhongli, could you get it for me real quick? I think it's stuck."

"Oh, of course." He unlocks the door and holds it open for you.

It's time to get on all fours. "Oh no! He got inside!" you wail, crawling your way to the bedroom while your husband leisurely follows behind, watching as you clamber onto the bed.

"Nooooo! All my clothes are flying off!" you exclaim, sloppily yanking your garments off and tossing them aside. "This must be the wrath of the God of Contracts..."

Your dear Zhongli, barely able to contain his amusement, gracefully climbs into bed and props himself over you. "Indeed it is."

"He's got to me! What will you do to meeeee..."

"I shall, er...sheathe my spear in you. Repeatedly."

Peals of laughter ensue.

[annaphoenix1994]

All I See is You

Previous Chapter - Masterlist - Next Chapter

»»-------¤-------««

"So, how's everything been, Kiera?" Laswell asked as the women sat at a local cafe, catching up on topics other than work. 

She sighed, taking a sip of the glass of water the server brought her, finding the sound of anything else to drink to be nauseating to her as she found herself occasionally taking a bite of her sandwich. "They've been good. Much better since that shit with Shepherd has been dealt with." 

"I agree. With the water settling now, it'll be easier to focus," Laswell nodded. "I think we've earned ourselves a break for a while." 

"Well, speaking of breaks, I was going to talk to you about something," Kiera sighed, finding it rather difficult to tell Laswell, of all people, that she was pregnant and wanting to resign. "Nobody expected this, especially me, but I've been putting a lot of thought behind it..." 

"You're scaring me." Laswell narrowed her eyes, setting aside her drink. 

"As much as I've enjoyed my job, I think it's time I resign. Given everything that's happened, I don't want to risk putting my family in the middle of it again." 

"None of that was your fault-"

"Partially, yeah," Kiera scoffed. "I keep blaming myself. I can't get Fernando's screams out of my head since we found him. I'm not going to put anyone through it again." She explained, frowning and breaking contact with Laswell. 

"Is there something else bothering you?" 

She nodded hesitantly. 

"How far along are you?" 

"H-How did you know?"

"You know as well as I do that the C.I.A burns body language into your brain," Laswell chuckled. "I'm a mother myself. I know that certain glow." 

"I didn't know you had any kids?" 

"I never told anybody because I feared the same thing that you did. I respect your decision, Kiera. I just hate I'm losing one of the best Case Officers that ever stepped foot in our office, but it's not the time to be selfish. Are you nervous?" 

"Very," She breathed. "Simon is beyond excited by how he's been acting. I was afraid he wasn't going to take it well." 

"I can understand that. He's always been hard to read, but he always got straight to the point." 

"That he does." 

"He mentioned flying to London for a military ball, right? When is that coming up?" 

"He said it's on the twentieth of this month. He mentioned flying out on the tenth to spend a few days there before coming home. He wants to take me to his hometown." 

"That'll be nice," Laswell assured her with a smile. "Have you gotten a dress?" 

"I had one picked out, but I don't think I'll fit in it now!" 

"You never did tell me how far along you were," She snickered. "You won't grow twice your size every week." 

"I'm roughly seven weeks, coming up on eight. I go back for another ultrasound the week before we leave for London. Hopefully, she can tell us the gender, but I'm not sure if I want to know." 

"Afraid you'll be disappointed?" Laswell teased. 

"No, I think it would be more special for it to be a surprise. Although Simon wants a boy and I want a girl. I guess a part of my anxious mind wants to keep it a secret until the baby is here so that I can be with Simon as much as possible because I'm afraid he'll leave me if it's a girl." She scoffed, knowing better than to think of Simon that way, her previous relationship being a constant dark reminder of how some men were:

»»-------¤-------««

"I can't have more kids. If you're pregnant, I'm signing my rights over. I don't want nothing to do with it."

"You're mad that I might be pregnant, but yet didn't do anything to prevent it from happening? You know condoms are a thing, right?" 

"Not my job to worry about not getting pregnant. Birth control is a thing too." 

"Yeah, and so is keeping my legs closed," Kiera scoffed. "Oh, but you're always insisting on having sex whenever you feel like it. Condoms don't have the shitty side effects like birth control does. Weight gain, acne, bloating, cramps, everything, Joe. Doesn't hurt wear one." 

"No, you gained weight because you're always eating. Eating too much leads to acne. Cramps are from your period." 

"What's your excuse, then?" Kiera scoffed, arching her brow and nodding her head towards his gut. 

He pursed his lips, "You talk like that to me again, and I'll make sure you're not pregnant." 

"You wouldn't dare." 

"Try me. I'm serious. If you're pregnant I'm out. I'm not going through this again. I already have three." 

"Those poor souls," She scoffed. "But yet when your ex said she might be pregnant you didn't seem too sad about that, huh? You must think I'm stupid if you think I didn't hear you talking to her on the phone when you said you thought you were excited to hear about her being pregnant. Goes to show me that I was just a side piece to you when you did nothing but tell me what I want to hear because you were bored with her and got with someone else." 

"You're full of shit, Kiera. Go take a test. Now." 

"No. You want me to take one so bad, go get one." 

"Oh, so you're not worried about having a kid?" 

"I've always wanted one. If I am, I'm having this baby with or without you - preferably without you because you're acting like a piece of shit. I don't want my baby near that." 

"Fine, I'll go get a test. If it comes back positive, you either get out of my life or I'll go get a hanger." 

Kiera's anger peaked, not hesitating to slap him across his cheek, knowing that he could easily overpower her. "You do that again and my next hit will be to that stomach." 

She hit him again, knowing that he wouldn't do such a thing as her fighting skills have peaked since before they started seeing each other, her other hand balled and ready to fight after she taunted him. "You do that, and I'll kill you," She hissed. "Just fucking leave. You won't change, but I will. I'm not putting myself through this shit." 

"Good luck finding someone better." 

"Fuck, I can go across the street and find someone better. Anyone is better than you. Threatening to kill a life possibly inside of me? That's not a man, you're just an overgrown teenager."

"Is that really what you think of me?" 

"Oh, no, what I think of you is way worse than what I've said, but I figured I'd refrain from hurting your ego." 

He scoffed, stepping closer to her, using his height in a pathetic attempt to intimidate her, "Try me." 

"Now that you mention it, I will gladly begin," She scoffed sarcastically. "First of all, you can't expect to not brush your teeth and your breath smell good. And no, cigarettes won't mask it. Two, you can't say you give good head when, in fact, you don't-"

"You weren't saying that weeks ago." 

"Just like I also didn't say I had to finish myself off because you didn't last long. Don't get too hurt yet, I'm not done," She scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "Three, you can't walk around like you're ten foot tall and bulletproof when you're just as tall as me."

"Yeah, you're just as tall as me and just as fat." He retorted, aiming to hurt her composure as he knew her weight was something that she always frowned upon. 

What he didn't expect, though, was an immediate ego check. 

"Yeah? Well let me tell you something. I can control my weight. Until you can control your receding hairline, height, and dick size, then you can have a say in how you think I'm supposed to look. Considering you can't change those things about yourself, I suggest you shut the fuck up."

His anger peaked, pursing his lips and attempting to grab her throat only to find her shin pinning against his groin in a swift kick, making him drop to his knees to clutch himself. He didn't know much, nor care, about Kiera's career, unaware that she was elite in hand-to -hand combat and having fought off several men on her last deployment. 

She swore to keep her "military mode" on base, but in her situation, she couldn't help herself not to. He winced, hearing her scoff, "Didn't figure I'd get a reaction out of you with that little tic-tac between your legs," She began to interrogate. "When you can make yourself get up, I suggest that you quickly leave my house before I make you." 

"Yeah? You couldn't even lift me-"

"There's more than one way to skin a cat, Joe. I'll either make you leave, or call someone to come and get you." She warned. He nodded, catching his breath before using the counter to help him stand to his feet and pull his keys out of his pocket. "I suggest you don't come back. This is over." 

"Saved me from saying it. I pity the man who thinks he wants you." 

"I do, too, but I know the red flags to look out for, so I doubt it'll ever happen again." 

»»-------¤-------««

Kiera recalled the event like it was yesterday, immediately frowning as the altercation was emotionally tragic, especially gnawing at her with every positive thought Simon would put into her head, her trauma telling her that it wasn't true. She felt his love he effortlessly gave her, but she also wondered when he'd get bored... just like every other guy I've dated. They get bored when the spark is out, she thought, frowning as her fingers fumbled with the hem of her blouse. He'll get bored when I don't have the body I used to have when we met - when I'm stretched and scarred with saggy tits and more cellulite. He'll find someone better. 

Her raging hormones weren't helping her negative thoughts, either. Unaware that she found herself crying - sobbing - uncontrollably in public with Laswell staring at her in shock, never seeing Kiera cry before. "Kiera? What's wrong?" Laswell asked frantically, moving to sit across the table to sit next to her, Kiera's elbows resting on the table as she hid her face in her hands. "Are you afraid he's going to leave?" 

She sobbed, nodding. 

"I doubt he will, honey. That man is head over heels for you." 

"Yeah, for now. He won't see me the same after I have this baby. He'll get bored of my body and want to see someone else who doesn't have stretch marks, saggy boobs and cellulite. What if I don't have a boy? He'll probably leave after that, too - finding someone else who either already has a boy or to get another girl pregnant because I'm all used up." 

"Listen to yourself, Kiera. You're talking nonsense. I know your hormones are going crazy right now, but you can't let what happened with Joe talk you out of a healthy relationship." 

"You even said yourself that all men are shit." Kiera scoffed. 

"Yeah, but I'm also married to a woman," Laswell giggled, easing the tension and patting Kiera's shoulder. "I haven't known Simon for long, but I do know that he's very loyal and honest. He's been one of the most loyal soldiers I've ever seen. It's funny because when I see him with you or hear him talk about you, it's like I can't imagine him in that mask he wore on tasks. It's like two different people." 

"I didn't expect it either, so it's fine." Kiera huffed, wiping her tears from her cheeks. 

Aside from her own mother, Laswell was like a second - more stern - mother to Kiera - knowing her as well as a mother should. Knowing when she was upset, angry, heartbroken, and most of all - relentless. Laswell always compared Kiera to a force of nature when she was on the field, executing her authority on many levels, giving Laswell the confidence to send Kiera anywhere on the planet, knowing she'd get the job done and leave no trace. 

"I know it's easier said than done, but don't let your assumptions break your heart. Simon hasn't given you a reason to want to leave, has he?" 

"No, but he's still in the I think I'm in love stage," She doubted herself again, letting her traumatic experiences speak for her. "He treats me better than I deserve and I feel like I can't return the favor." 

"I know he's in love, Kiera."

"For now-"

"Stop it. Right now," Laswell scolded her, the woman's motherly instincts kicking in. "That man loves you, Kiera. When you were in the hospital after what happened in Chicago, he stayed in that waiting room for hours just waiting to get to see you. He didn't eat until I had to bring him something the next morning. When he did, he hardly ever left your bedside unless it was to give room to the nurses or to shower. Believe me, I walked in to check on you every chance I could along with Price. He didn't leave unless you did. When those doctors were dressing your wounds and changing your bandages, he wanted to learn too so that he could do it himself when you got back home. There was no way in hell me or Price could've talked him out of it and you know how devoted he is to his country," She continued, raising her brows as she spoke sense into her. "I bet you could call him right now and say you were hurting and he'd be heading this way. I wish you'd let yourself just give in and be happy. You deserve it, but you're making it seem like you're expecting the worst when you really have the best thing every woman wants." 

»»-------¤-------««

"What about this one?" Simon asked Eva, pointing down at a gorgeous diamond ring that was being shown in the case. 

"What do you think, dear? They're all beautiful, but do you think it suits her?" 

He thought hard on it, trying to picture it on her finger before he shook his head, "She'll probably think it's too big," He chuckled. "She's always been a simple person." 

"That she is," Eva giggled at the thought, separating from him a few steps before looking down at another ring that spoke volumes to Kiera's taste. It wasn't bulky nor too slender. A silver diamond ring with a princess cut and decorative diamonds along the silver band. "Look at this one, Simon." 

"That's gorgeous," He huffed, perfectly imagining how it would complement that pretty finger of hers. "I'll probably come back to that one, but I'm going to look around some more before I decide." 

He completely ignored the price tag... Eva thought as she watched him continue to look through the gallery, taking time in each ring he thought would be a good fit. "You look like you're pondering on asking the big question." An employee smiled at him from the other side of the case. 

"Oh, I'm done pondering - I've already decided. Now I'm just doing the hard part on finding the perfect one." 

"I'll be glad to help you with that if you'd like?" The woman asked, visibly too cheerful to assist him. Are all women like this? He thought to himself, wondering if he was really that attractive or if she was just browsing herself for a man. Seeing that she had no ring on her finger, Simon assumed that was why she was so adamant. Or she's just doing her job. 

"You know more about it than I do," He chuckled anxiously, hating having to ask someone for assistance. "There's a few in here that I like, but I keep being drawn back to one and I don't know if she'd like it or not. I want it to be special for her." 

The employee smiled, adjusting her weight on her heels before splaying her hands on the case, a pathetic attempt at showing Simon that she wasn't taken if he wanted to keep shopping. "I'll be glad to help. What's her name?" 

"Kiera." 

"Beautiful name," She smiled. "Do you have a photo of her by chance? Don't worry, I do this with every expecting fiancé so I can help with rings that complement their lifestyle." 

Sure you do, Simon scoffed to himself. Prying isn't going to open up a door for you, lass.

He pulled his phone from his pocket and set it on the case, tapping on the screen once for his favorite wallpaper to appear in front of the woman's eyes - the photo he took of her recently when they went on a date by the river. 

Oh, I know her...

He watched how the woman made a furrowed expression, "I love the dress." She forced the compliment.

"I do, too." He said sternly. 

"I can see that," She nodded, glancing at Kiera's mother as she approached Simon's side.

"I have a few that are in the size you're probably wanting. What's your budget?" 

"I'm not worried about that."

"Oh, okay," She nearly gasped, never truly hearing that before. "You mentioned you had a ring in mind already? Which one were you looking at?" 

"It was style 68843," Eva answered, knowing Simon didn't look at the number nor the price tag. With a giggle, she watched Simon nod at the employee before she waltzed off to find the style number, taking a few moments before she returned to her new customer with the ring between her thumb and index finger, easily setting it in Simon's hand as he looked at it closer. 

"Bloody perfect, yeah?" He asked Eva, letting her take a closer look herself as she nodded in approval. 

"She'll love it, dear. It definitely looks like something she'd wear." 

"I think so, too. What size is this one?" 

"Um..." The employee hummed before reaching for the tag, the tip of her acrylic nail scraping his thumb subtly as she turned the tag to look. "This one is a six." 

"That's just her size, Simon." 

"She must have some tiny fingers," The clerk giggled. "Don't have many women come in with that size." 

"Her hands are very small," Simon agreed, chuckling at the thought of how small they were in his hands. "I didn't realize how small she was because I'm twice her size," He continued, looking at the diameter of the band and comparing it mentally to the size of his fingers, concluding that if he were to truly compare, his pinky finger would probably be the closest to her ring finger size. "Tiny feet, tiny ears, tiny nose..." And a tiny baby in that perfect belly, he thought, thankful that he didn't mention it in front of her mother...again. 

You wouldn't be wanting to marry her if you would've seen how big she was in high school, the clerk thought negatively. Being one of Kiera's former bullies in school, she would never admit that she was jealous. Especially seeing the man before her that was wanting to ask the big question. God, you're so tall...

"Well, I think this one would be perfect with the picture you showed me. It looks like it would suit her well."

Simon took notice of the clerk's jealousy, taking the perfect opportunity to continue talking about Kiera to piss her off, pleased at how he could shut the door of any hope the woman had towards him by making it clear that he wasn't interested. "I think it would, too. She deserves the world." 

"I think we've found the perfect one?" Eva suggested, taking another look to satisfy her curiosity. 

"I think so," Simon nodded. "I want this one." 

"Okay," She smiled, forcing her jealousy from her mind by keeping her gaze towards the floor to keep from looking at him. "If you'll just follow me over here, I'll get your paperwork started." 

"Didn't think it was so complicated." 

The clerk giggled, "This must be your first time." 

"And my last." 

"Well, this is Tiffany & Co. We're proud of our products," She smiled, motioning for both Simon and Eva to follow her to the office, grasping a mint-colored felt box to hold the ring as well as a decorative and rather lavish bag to put it in after she entered the style number into her computer. "Alright, I'll need a valid I.D. and current address." 

Simon huffed as he removed his wallet from his back pocket, setting his I.D. on the desk, watching how her eyes widened after she had realized he wasn't from the States. And he's British? How'd she get so lucky but yet I'm here trying to steal fiancés? She scoffed to herself. "Is this still your current address?" 

"It won't be, but for now, yes." 

"I'm sorry," She chuckled embarrassingly. "I can't read it. It looks scratched out. What's the street address?" 

"60 Oxford Street, Manchester M1 5EE, United Kingdom." He answered. 

"Apartment number?" 

"262." 

"Thank you. Phone number?" 

"(307) 555-9624." 

"Payment method?" 

"Whatever is easiest." He sighed. 

"I always advise a check for an amount such as this." 

Eva expected Simon's brows to raise in nervousness, but he was dead serious, intentionally not caring how much he was about to spend. She's worth it. 

"Then a check it is." 

He nodded, removing one of many blank checks he tucked away in his wallet. Only ever having to use a check once, he had hoped it would be accepted considering his main branch of bank was based in the United Kingdom. However, he had already gone through the grueling headache of transferring nearly 50% of his funds into American dollars to be able to spend without fail. 

He glanced over at Eva as the clerk continued typing into her computer, reaching over to remove a print-out of the sales invoice as well as the acceptance of the terms and conditions of the transaction. Simon Riley, the clerk sighed. Such a strong name for a strong man. He signed the dotted line before writing the amount of the ring on his check, finding no issue in dropping the grand total of $14,163.12 for the diamond ring. "That's like you're buying a small car." Eva giggled. 

"Cars are that cheap?" He chuckled, leaning back in his chair after sliding the check over the desk. 

"Used ones." The clerk added. I didn't fucking ask for your input, lass.

"I'll let her pick out the wedding ring." He said to Eva. 

"Oh, I think she'll like this one so much she wouldn't want to take it off." 

"She'll still need a band, yeah?" 

Eva nodded, presenting her wedding ring set on her left finger, letting him look at it. Her finger complimented the gold band and gold diamond ring on her finger. Lavish, he thought as he looked at it. "We got this band last year when we renewed our vows." 

"It's lovely. Her father has classy taste." 

"I was surprised," Eva teased, nudging his elbow playfully - just like how Kiera would. It made him smirk, coming to enjoy spending time with her mother. "Bud can have a heart when he wants to." 

"Alright, you're all set! It might take a couple of days for it to show up in your account, but it cleared on my end." The clerk said, taking the tag off of the ring and putting the ring in the iconic "Tiffany Blue" felt box and putting it in the bag as well as a care guide. "This ring does come with a lifetime service. So if she needs it to be resized, cleaned, or tightened, just bring it here and it's complimentary." 

"I'd sure hope so if it was that much." 

The clerk huffed, "Yeah, which I'm sure she'll have to bring it by to have it cleaned if she wears it every day or does strenuous work. She won't have to pay anything upfront." Or if she gains weight, her 'little fingers' will get fat again.

He reached for the bag on the table after he stood to his feet, nodding at her as he offered his hand to Eva, helping the older woman stand to her aching feet as he escorted her out of the office and towards the entrance of the store. "That woman had her eyes on you." Eva giggled. 

"I noticed," Simon scoffed. "The feeling wasn't mutual." 

"I noticed that. Don't bring Kiera in here, she won't be happy." 

"I just might so I can watch her scold that woman." 

Eva laughed, "Would it be shameful if I thought about that too? As much as I hate seeing how mean my daughter can get, she has a mean streak as wide as the valley." 

"That much is true," Simon nodded, chuckling. "But she's calmed down a lot since we got back." 

"I'm glad she has. I don't like seeing her angry. Although I hate the circumstances involved." She frowned, remembering the pain she had to see her daughter in after the Chicago explosion. 

"You won't have to worry about that anymore," Simon assured her, opening the door for her once they reached her SUV, finding himself being just as protective over her mother just as much as he was Kiera. She's just too precious for this world, he thought, recalling the same thoughts he had towards his mother. 

He sat in the passenger seat of the SUV, putting the bag containing the ring between his knees before Eva put the car in gear. "You hungry?" 

"I can wait until I'm home." 

"That's not what I asked, honey." Eva giggled. 

"If that's the case, I can eat if food was offered." 

"That's better. I'll buy your lunch since you blew so much money on my daughter." She teased. 

"Madame, when it comes to your daughter, no amount of money phases me." He chuckled. 

Eva didn't know what to say. Instead, she blushed and giggled, immensely happy for her daughter to have found such a good man. She deserves it so much. I don't think I could get much happier for her. My heart is so full. 

"So, what're you hungry for? Drive-thru or sit-down restaurant?" 

"I'm not opposed to either." Simon shrugged. 

"Well, if I had to choose, I don't like to eat from a drive-thru." 

"So a sit-down restaurant it is."

[lightbulb-warning]

i used to freehand comics all the time as a child and since the part i liked was the drawing part i would just draw panel after panel because i didn't want to stop drawing to think about icky icky words, plus the story TOTALLY still made perfect sense! to me! and noone else, but 'whoooo caaaaares omgggg its not like comics and sequantial art are a communicative meeediummmm lmaoooooo'. i spent my entire childhood telling myself stuff like "oh pfft I know this story by heart- ill SIMPLY remember the dialogue and write it later" ...and. I can't help but admire baby maiora's (call that a minora ba tm tsk) fucking audacity? hubris? confident wrongness? kid couldn't even remember to finish the comics in the first place? INCREDIBLE levels of unearned self assurance, wish that were me, genuinely- what an icon!!! anyway i think i have forever cursed myself

[timxpy]

NPD SOUL PROPAGANDA IS SUCCESSFULY WORKING ✅✅✅

As a person with npd I always just need to have one (head)canon npd character in any fandom or else I can't really enjoy it. BUT SOUL IS REALLY SO NPD CORE DHJDJSJSDJFJJFJG I JUST CAN'T SAY HOW MUCH I RELATE TO MANY OF MY NPD HEADCANONS OF HIM.

I think that he has like a lot of narcissistic crashes (I don't even know who wouldn't have them if they were stuck with two ABSOLUTELY INSUFFERABLE GUYS). Heart and Mind always arguing, they rarely listen to Soul and that's why all of he's ideals (which are VERY important for any person with npd) just left unheard and ignored. Nobody will show just a little bit of respect to him. Honestly I don't even know when this guy will finally have narcissistic highs (looks like never)... And persons with npd still really often have a lot of bpd traits sooo I guess he even might have both of this disorders...

NPD MIND IS ALSO SO REAL. Honestly I must say that he's probably the most narcissistic one of all three (I don't count Whole, at least for now)... Think about emotions like weakness is really common for npd too (at least I often have episodes with these thoughts and I heard about similar experience from some other people with npd. And also thoughts about that just really sounds like something like npd). But tbh I don't relate to Mind as much as I relate to Soul... Idk why because usually I relate to characters with only npd / characters with npd + aspd (I don't have aspd but I think I have a lot of its traits).

HMMM, ASPD HEART. I didn't think about this idea really much but this sounds like a theme for a big analysis. STRONG AND UNCONVENTIONAL MORAL CODE MY FAVORITEEE PART OF ASPD CHARACTERS. And it just explains like really many things in Heart's behavior so right. I also thought about hpd Heart but I think I was in a little but wrong condition and didn't really analyse him right. Aspd + hpd combo won't sound really wrong for him (honestly I can't remember any headcanon on any character with this disorders combo. Maybe it's me way too forgetful or idk). We actually need more hpd headcanons, people ignore this pd sm.

And if we talk about not only personally disorders but disorders in general... I REALLY THINK THAT SOMEONE OF THEM MIGHT HAVE OCD. And idk it just fits them all right.

Heart looks like really anxious person with more obsessions than compulsions for me. Also if we think about him as a person with aspd i guess obsessions will be often somehow connected to his strong moral code beliefs. If we talk about compulsions... Again, I think he has more obsessions than compulsions, but when he actually have the second things it'll take really long time to complete all this rituals.

If we talk about ocd Mind... I think he'll be really irritated because of obsessions. Not only because they're really messing person's life (I hate my own obsessions so much fr) but because persons with ocd can often say about how their obsessions are irrational (I often think like that too and sometimes people use this to demonize ocd and it's ABSOLUTELY AWFUL URGHHH). Just think about super "rational" guy having disorder with "irrational" symptoms. I think it'll also fit npd headcanon of him, I think sometimes he might even have narc.crashes because of his obsessions.

And we talk about ocd Soul... Again, I just associate him with myself so much and that's why I have an ocd headcanon of him too! I just think he would have a lot of obsessions about his ideals and how they're always ignored. And his compulsions will look really strange to many people (remember never say to person with ocd that their obsessions are strange, NEVER).

I hate this stigma so much. Many people just can't understand that person with disorder don't always do bad thing and that people without disorders can do bad things too! This is so annoying and frustrating sometimes ughhh.

bpd soul propaganda

his relationships with heart and mind are extremely tumultuous. he alternates between encouraging support and harsh criticism. he wants them to be close and loves them, but he's easily frustrated by their conflict and despises them for it.

he seeks a stability that seems impossible for him to achieve. when he doesn't feel like he can be stable, he threatens suicide because it feels like his only option. suicidal and self-destructive behavior is really common in bpd, especially in response to interpersonal distress and instability.

he has very little sense of self. identity isn't something he feels like he has the right to have (since personal separation is contradictory to trying to be Whole), but also, it seems like something he just can't get a grip on even if he tried.

I think that he has extreme attachment issues in concord. he's terrified that things will go wrong again, worried one of them will get hurt or disappear whenever he's not keeping an eye on them. he wants to know exactly where they are and be told when they're leaving because otherwise he'll panic about their absence.

on that note, his fears of hurting them or ruining things when things seem stable are something a lot of people with bpd struggle with. there's this underlying fear that the things "inherently wrong with you" will ruin everything you touch, either because of personal experience or internalized demonization.

if you headcanon Whole as a distinct person, that would be his favorite person. the extreme, almost religious idealization and having your entire sense of self revolving around a person (or really, the perception of perfection you have of a person) is a clear sign of having a favorite person. the abandonment issues would also be the worst with Whole, for obvious reasons

also i think it would be neat if this was a more widespread concept

[icewindandboringhorror]

Everytime I face a new character limit on a website that didn't have them before/used to have really long ones... AUGHHhhh the modern social media world was not made for people like me (lovers of details, rambling, elaboration, thorough explanation, and nuance)

[steakout-05]

having social anxiety on tumblr dot com is so fucking frustrating cause like. i'll see a post i like and want to reblog but i do it with so so so much embarrassment because my brain's just thinking "oh god oh fuck im being so stupid right now what if op sees it and thinks im annoying" but like. they realistically would either not care at all or be happy about someone reblogging their post so like what the actual fuck am i afraid of??? but here's the kicker. the reason i have social anxiety in the first place is because i HAVE experienced these comically horrible social experiences of being judged and insulted for no reason before. multiple times. recently. the possibility of this happening is not a 0 chance. i have legitimate reasons to be afraid. and that is. actually horrific

[faithfromanewperspective]

need a private tumblr to be an outlet for feelings had while activisming

[asterdeer]

video called "pirate shirt tutorial that actually makes sense" with a thumbnail clickbaitingly copying bernadette banner's style, which does the exact same thing as bernadette banner's video but more confusingly and without a diagram in the video itself, also failing to understand that bernadette banner's channel is primarily a history channel and not a sewing tutorial channel so telling people they don't have to hand-sew the pirate shirt or they don't have to thread-pull is unnecessary because bernadette banner literally said "do this however you want, i just do it this way because it's how i learn about historical dress practices" in her own video. couldn't ask for better youtube entertainment

[lonelyplanetfag]

why did they make gender so complicated what's up w that

[imwritesometimes]

wouldn't it be funny if I could write again lollollol........

[keeps-ache]

[stares at you but it actually looking behind you] do you think moths would like to drive cars

[polarfarina]

My brain does scary things to me but it's only sometimes and sometimes it still lies but in a fun or harmless way that doesn't affect anything

Not really sure if it's all stuff everyone experiences sometimes or if it's something that if it happened a teeny bit more often would need to get treated. Idk even for what though

[mosspapi]

Dude honestly idk if I can actually even keep fucking doing this. Like I'm still so exhausted and fatigued and in pain from yesterday there's almost no way I can do class tmrw, much less every other day for the next 8 months. Genuinely idk how I'm gonna do this

[steampoweredskeleton]

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Ignore