#i can't even get food

[anormalkidingotham]

at this point i'm seriously considering getting my own evil-looking costume (maybe something with a plague doctor mask or something like that) so people leave me alone

[icewindandboringhorror]

On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?

*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)

*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)

(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )

(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)

[okiroash]

it doesn't wash away

[black-and-yellow]

[sergle]

people being dramatic about "american cheese" (in quotes bc americans didn't make it) is one of my favorite topics because it's funny to see people talk about it like it's a biohazardous waste when it's literally just Cheddar That Has Been Watered Down With Milk, And Then Emulsified

[originalaccountname]

Mori Ougai’s belief as the boss is [...] “The boss stands on top of the organization, and at the same time, be the slave of all.” For the sake of the organization, the boss must always take the “logical optimal solution.” That is the duty of the boss. [...] “Therefore, no matter how much your heart aches, you have to ignore your personal feelings.”

Kafka Asagiri, for the BSD exhibition

On Mori and regret.

This man acts based on his perceived "optimal solution". It means relying on cold logic, detached from (his own and others') emotions. In that way, he fits right in as one of the smart characters of BSD, contrasting for example Dazai's way of working with/around people's feelings, and Fyodor's way of manipulating and twisting those feelings into monsters.

Mori remains cold, logical, distant, efficient. It meant disregarding Yosano's and the soldiers' deteriorating mental health during the war because the concept of an army that cannot be wiped out was too good. It meant following Natsume's plan and taking the old boss' place himself to fix Yokohama's underground and protect the city and its people. It also meant disposing of Mimic by sacrificing Oda in order to get the special ability business permit, despite (and perhaps because of) Dazai's attachment to the man.

The thing is, humans are not logical creatures, and will inevitably encounter conflicting emotions.

(does this look like the face of a man without regrets to you?)

Mori in Dark Era tried to pass on to Dazai his practice of putting aside his own feelings for the sake of choosing the most efficient solution that will benefit the group. It backfired spectacularly, so much so even, that Mori regrets it to this day.

For the BSD exhibition, Asagiri wrote some individual character commentaries, all very interesting insights into their characters and the writing intentions. For Mori, here's what he wrote:

“He who fell out of the optimal solution” Mori Ougai’s belief as the boss is described in the novel “Dark Era” and “Dazai, Chuuya, Fifteen”. That is “The boss stands on top of the organization, and at the same time, be the slave of all.” For the sake of the organization, the boss must always take the “logical optimal solution.” That is the duty of the boss. There is an unspoken additional point to it. “Therefore, no matter how much your heart aches, you have to ignore your personal feelings.” We can catch a glimpse of that in this scene. [the ADA-PM alliance meeting] Mori’s expressions after “Burnt it.” and “Like what you did to your predecessor”, gave us a glimpse of his true feelings that were made sacrifices for the sake of the “logical optimal solution”. (By the way, it goes without saying that Dazai is inducing Mori’s thoughts by words that will make him regret the past. It is to make him decide to form an “alliance”.) source and translation: Popopretty

(notice the inclusion of Hirotsu in this scene. Remember that later, Hirotsu suggests that Dazai knows why Mori did what he did to overthrow the old boss, which, in my opinion, is both a proof of Dazai's support in Mori's goal, and a reminder to uphold it.)

One of my favourite parts of the Dark Era light novel is a small scene during the epilogue that was not adapted into the anime. This is two weeks after Dazai defected:

To quote Asagiri again, "Therefore, no matter how much your heart aches, you have to ignore your personal feelings." Mori is conflicted about the outcome of the Mimic incident. He holds in his hands the Silver Oracle he himself gave to Oda, and reflects on its purpose: to "help the man mentioned above without hesitation in the face of any and all trials". Didn't he fail to do just that with Oda? Didn't he set him up and sent him to his doom? Didn't he abandon him to his trial?

But he rationalizes the events by saying he got the permit they so badly needed. No matter if he sacrificed one of his men. No matter if he drove Dazai away. He accomplished his priceless goal. It was a total success.

And yet, he poorly folds a paper airplane with the very Silver Oracle he gave Oda, throws it, watches it crash immediately, and mourns the loss of his right-hand man, without ever moving on.

But we have a direct example of Mori expressing regret.

The perception that Mori in BEAST is a completely different character than Mori is in canon, when that perception doesn't extend to any other character from that universe, rubs me the wrong way. The characters in BEAST are very similar to their canon selves, with some core traits getting a new twist. They are all one or two major life changes away from becoming these versions of themselves. As far as we know, Mori's only life-altering event was being forcefully removed from the Port Mafia by Dazai, and secretly put in charge of Atsushi's old orphanage.

Mori unambiguously made that orphanage a better place, as stated by Atsushi himself. BEAST!Mori is a lot softer, vulnerable and honest. That Mori offers to be a father to Atsushi while he heals. He also expresses regret in not being able to help Dazai when he was in his care.

I think it's very interesting, especially when knowing that Asagiri wrote both BEAST and Fifteen at the same time for the Dead Apple movie, because in Fifteen we have this:

The beginning of the first chapter of Fifteen is a gold mine. It is narrated from Mori's point of view, the man of logic and calculations, and yet it is full of doubt. He is alone and struggling to fix everything with so many people against him. But, throughout this scene about grasping at the Port Mafia's power, there is also this secondary thought being woven in, of Mori having started to actually care for Dazai.

The teenager is scary to him, smart enough to be a threat should he decide to be done with all this and turn against him, and yet, he immediately (and with a hint of sadness) finds that Dazai reminds him of himself. This lonely, lonely man found a kindred spirit, bright enough to grasp any situation in seconds and prone to using an uncomfortable obsession to divert and keep you guessing his true intentions. Mori entered Mentor Mode™ then. He taught Dazai his ways, he shared his struggles and thought process, he fought tooth and nail to keep him alive.

So when he asked Dazai why he wanted to die, it was with the concern of someone who has started to care. It was with the mind of someone who is trying to prevent the worst by fixing the problem at its source.

(translation: Reneray)

But it's also that self-projection/ability to relate that made him drive Dazai away, when he pushed too hard and forced Dazai to adhere to his optimal solution philosophy. Because Dazai cannot separate himself from his attachments, could not ignore his emotions like Mori does, and chose Oda over Mori's logic. From Dazai's point of view, that was betrayal. Mori and him were accomplices!

Dazai planted the idea that Mori was afraid of him taking over as boss, and Mori seems to agree with that thought (would it be because he feared for his life, or for Dazai's ability to replace him?) Yet, for a man afraid of his closest subordinate backstabbing him, he seems to be hanging on quite hard to the possibility of Dazai coming back, leaving his seat open to this day, inviting him back twice in the same arc, and...

(yeah I used this picture at the start too. "I hAvE nO rEgReTs" he says)

Mori may try to convince himself he feels no regrets and no guilt over his own actions by weighting gains and losses objectively, but he still hurts and has a very hard time moving on. He's human despite his best efforts, prone to mistakes and doubts. He's lonely and wishes to impart his knowledge onto others. His cold logic has both helped him in fixing the city, and alienated him from some of the people he most cared about.

In a similar vein, should the ADA employee transfer be of topic again, and should Mori clash with Yosano again, I wish we get to see some similar conflicting emotions in Mori between the usefulness of Yosano's ability, and Yosano herself as a person. The war was 14 years ago, that's a long time, and I want to believe that counts for something.

[geekynightowl1997]

I still can't get over how Eliot and Hardison do their "secret" handshake- even though Eliot is miffed that Hardison ate his sandwhich.

I still can't get over how Parker calls Eliot "Sparky," and he's scared enough to rip open his apple- because he actually thinks Parker somehow got a razor blade in it.

I still can't get over how Eliot tells Hardison that he won't help him if he goes to far with "Ice Man," and when Hardison calls him out on it- Eliot blames Parker.

I still can't get over how Hardison comes to Eliot when he needs help brushing up on wine.

I still can't get over how Parker goes to Eliot when she's looking for something to love and he teaches her to love food.

I still can't get over how Parker is allowed to poke and push Eliot.

I still can't get over how Hardison riles Eliot up and it's just reflex for Eliot to say; "DAMNIT Hardison."

I can't get over how they became a little family all on their own.

[inkskinned]

im gonna start a fight; and, at the same time, i need you to take this in the most good-faith way possible, but:

videos that involve body-checking and intentionally (and uncritically) show a mealplan of an unhealthy number of calories are just a revamped version of pro-ana food diaries.

and yeah, i know there's arguments. i address some of them under the cut. but at the end of the day, we're just coming back to romanticizing mental illness; we've just found a better platform for it.

this is already something we've done. we knew it was wrong and tried to stop it. and tbh. it just wasn't enough.

there are people who argue "well, what if you have an eating disorder, you can't help it if you don't eat!" except that as someone with an ED; we are not infants. we know what we're doing. part of having an ED is that you are like, maybe too self-aware. even if we can't help our own food choices, we don't need to fucking romanticize the disorder - something we've been warning you about since 2013. there are hours of setup, filming, and editing that go into these videos. they do not happen to fall into place randomly. there is a reason they are pieced together to be beautiful, bright, inspiring.

there's this woman who pretty much only posts daily plans under a normal amount of calories, and everyone defends her saying but it's better than nothing! and i'm like. except she opens those with images of her showing off her body and provides no context in the video or caption that suggests that she believes what she's doing is unhealthy. she has hundreds of thousands of followers on a platform designed for young kids and teens. i refuse to believe that by accident her content just happens to be cheery advice on "healthy" versions of starving.

for any other symptom of mental illness, we would be incredibly enraged by this kind of placid acceptance of a "tips and tricks" fast-start guide. imagine if people posted pink & pretty videos saying "best places to cut yourself" as if it was a fucking storytime. we, as a society, are so fucking fatphobic that we would rather accept blatantly harmful displays of self harm than admit that we are obsessed with a hyper-thin body type.

i am not suggesting someone never talks about their disorder. i talk about mine. actually, it's a plot point in my book.

here's the difference: i recognize it's a fucking mental illness. i am very careful to never mention a specific weight, eating pattern, or calorie plan. i always make sure to position it as something that ruined my fucking life. i do not put cheery music in the background and hearts and sparkles over my worst moments. i do not film it in bright light. i do not start each passage with an image of a thin body followed by "here's how to look like her."

eating disorders should not be framed as aspirational. and the problem is that society worships the "after" image, so long as you don't get too sick. there is a reason so many people who quit being "influencers" will later admit - i wasn't eating well that whole time; an obsession with food was completely destroying my life.

we let any uncredited, uncertified person write the most backwards, fucked up shit about how to get the body you desire! because the underlying, secret belief is: well, at least they're thin! and the real thing that fucking gets me each time - they make fucking money off of it. their irresponsibility and societal harm literally pays off for them.

"why do you care so much." "don't like it don't look." "so what if people experiment with new ways of thinking of food?"

thank you for asking. we're about to get extremely personal. it's because when i was 18 i discovered "thinspiration"/"thinspo." and it absolutely influenced, shaped, and codified my pre-existing eating disorder. i went from having some troubling habits and traits to being incredibly unwell within what felt like a matter of days. there were actual pages designed to train me on how to have an ED correctly. it was all so suddenly easy. i was sick; and the nature of the illness meant - i wanted to be sicker.

it takes an average of 7 years for a person to fully recover. i know this personally - even now, 10 years from the worst of it, i still fucking struggle. i am so much happier now and i eat what i want and i literally don't think about food at all (19 year old me would shudder) and yet - i still fucking know the calories of plain toast with butter.

an eating disorder is one of the deadliest types of mental illness. over 1 in 4 people with an ED will attempt suicide.

and i'm sorry. i just do not see the exchange rate of "high rate of engagement" versus "the value of a human life."

[cerealbishh]

"You really care about me."

"Yeah. I really, really care about you."

"I- I really care about you too."

"No, but... I like, really, really care about you."

[softpine]

she's looking especially sacrificial lamb today 🥩

[silver-horse]

guys I felt genuine fear in my stomach while reading this tweet...

[curapicas]

I was looking for the comic on kobolds in Kabru's homeland and it hit me all over again. Holy shit, Laios' work postcanon is SO important for this world.

[cinnamonsikwate]

ok so it's clarified that part of the winged lion's curse was that monsters would now fear and avoid laios. but this panel also appears to imply that laios can no longer eat monsters himself, and tbh that's way more fucked up!!

[hotwaterandmilk]

Just a reminder that the first volume of Nanao Tomo's The Hachioji Speciality: Tengu's Love comes out in English from Yen Press this week. I already double-dipped on the Japanese volumes, but I'm going back for more with the English volume too.

While a lot of series captivate me with their plot, Hachioji Meibutsu: Tengu no Koi grabbed my attention with its beautiful retro-tinged art and has continued to hold my interest with its atmosphere.

So why is this series such a highlight in the current ASUKA magazine lineup? I've tried to breakdown my thoughts (albeit sleepily) on why I like this title and why other readers might be keen to give it a shot now that it's enjoying an English-language release.

The series description from Yen Press describes the series as follows:

"Can a determined tengu bride change a lonesome bachelor’s ways? Well, it’s not like he’s got much of a choice— ’cos she’s already moving in! Young systems engineer Kotarou has had to make his own way in life. Nothing remains of his early childhood before he was orphaned—nothing except his grandparents’ antique house in Hachioji and memories of Hime, the winged spirit girl he’s come to dismiss as a youthful flight of fancy. But after his return to Hachioji and reunion with Hime, it becomes impossible to deny the existence of his fine, feathery friend—especially given that she’s declared they’re getting married at second sight!"

Which makes it sound like you're signing up for a typical 90s-style magical girlfriend series and, well, to an extent you are. Hime is beautiful, powerful and innocent in the ways of the human world. Kotarou on the other hand is somewhat average, cynical human who now finds himself saddled with an otherworldly bride. Hijinks ensue!

What I think helps Tenkoi differentiate itself from other series with similar setups (aside from the stunning art) is that it gives both the reader and the characters time to breathe, to be in each other's company, and exist without needing constant jokes. There's this ancient peace to Hime's village and a gentleness in her exchanges with Kotarou, even as a gaggle of her relatives argues around them.

Even the gag moments have a beauty and sense of pacing about them that's hard to find these days. We actually get the space to see Hime interact with the vacuum, for example. What so many titles might have condensed into 3 panels at best is expanded here, allowed to sit, presented to us for enjoyment. I just love that about Tenkoi, there is no real rush even when the series is moving Hime and Kotarou's relationship forward.

There's a willingness in Tenkoi to sit with difficult moments, mundane moments, humorous moments and moments of affection. To let each have its time to unfurl, to let us savour them all.

There's also an appreciation of the Hachioji region and the way the local population interact with the natural and spiritual world despite being in a suburban location (though this comes up a bit more by the second volume).

Another thing I like is that while there are a few gags about Kotarou being entranced by and touching Hime's wings (which she says are off-limits) overall Kotarou is a decent guy. While initially unsure about the situation he supports Hime in leaving the village for her own sake, aiming to empower her rather than to score himself a tengu bride. While at one point in the first volume he gets frustrated by just how hard it is to hide a lively tengu from the world, he soon sees the error in his ways and again pledges to support Hime in whatever she chooses to do.

It's just nice to see a male lead who can be wrong, admit he was wrong, and strive to make things right with the people around him in such a mature way? He sleeps on it and is like fuck, I was an asshole my life is better with her in it and immediately gets his shit together. Some leads can go dozens of volumes without figuring out that much so it was nice to see that corner turned early on in the series.

I should mention that food is an important part of how love is expressed in this series and a big part of how Hime begins to learn about the human world, so if food is a major trigger for you then Tenkoi might be best avoided. However, there are minimal other warnings I can think of for those considering starting the series (aside from consent being established regarding Hime's wings).

Tenkoi is still ongoing in ASUKA (which is published bi-monthly these days) so there's only two print volumes right now. There's enough little moments in this lushly rendered and atmospheric supernatural love story that it could go for many years at its current clip, but whether that happens remains to be seen.

Right now though I enjoy Tenkoi for being a simple story told well and with heart. If you're not looking for major plot innovation and are happy to just spend time in the presence of these characters experiencing simple joys in Hachioji, then this is a title I recommend.

(Also Hime is super cute, I adore her.)

[kandicon]

Okay I need to write something abt Ivy's brain overheating n starting to cook her head bc it overworks and there's no way there's enough space in her super computer brain for an efficient cooling system combined with Tim involuntarily salivating and feeling hungry when he smells burning flesh as a hold over from eating corpses during the Moon War. This is no longer a want it is a need.

[hussyknee]

FYI if you're watching MasterChef Australia, the Sri Lankan Australian contestant Savi is a friend of mine and kind of a stealth idol because everything I seem to be online (a ball-busting, bombastic, proudly brown, unapologetically fat, sexy decolonizer lady) she actually is irl. It's funny because she was a few grades below me and found me intimidating when we were in school and now I'm the one perpetually in awe of her. Do watch if you can and root for her! She's a delight!