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modelartist-demri · 1 year ago

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NEW ENTRY ON MY BLOG!

On October 29, 1996, Demri passed away of acute intoxication caused by the combined effects of opiate, meprobamate, and butalbital when she was only 27.

Demri and Layne in the Spring of 1990 by Krista Kay.

Her last few years, since around Thanksgiving 1993, her health began taking a turn for the worse. She told her mother she had been having fevers in excess of a hundred degrees. Austin told Demri the next time it happened, she should go to the hospital. The first of many hospitalizations happened shortly after. “She came in to the hospital for the first time at the end of November of ‘93. She was in until January of ‘94. She got out and was back in in March of ‘94 and at that time put on life support,” Austin recalled. “When she would be in, she would come in to the emergency room. They would admit her up into a medicine floor; then she’d go from the medicine floor to the Intensive Care Unit and life support, and then she wouldn’t die. So she’d go back to the medicine floor – she’d be on IV and antibiotics for a month. This went on and on and on. She had her lungs operated on twice. She had her heart operated on twice [she had a heart valve repaired and another replaced and the pacemaker implanted age 26]. She suffered miserably.” [1]

Jacque: “She was very sick in the end. She’d had open heart surgery and had nerve damage to her feet which were mostly numb. She had no body fat at all, and was cold all the time. Often the car’s heater would be on full blast, even on a nice day, everyone would be sweating and she’d be shivering and wearing a sweater.” [2]

According to Amber Ferrano, Dave Navarro was the one who brought up the endocarditis . They had the doctors check and found it on the back of Demri’s heart valve.

Demri with Dave Navarro ca. 1994 in a medical facility.

Amber Ferrano: “Dave was my go-to person as someone who had kicked to help Layne and Demri when various things came up with them regarding drugs because they had used with him in the past when Jane’s Addiction came through town and now clean. Dave was their inspiration. He was in AA, and though they didn’t believe in AA they loved him, he was non-jugemental and kind. They really wanted to show him they could get clean. Bob Timmins helped too. They thought if lifers could get clean because of him there was hope.

Dave was the one who brought up the endocarditis, asking if that is what she had. It was the first time we heard of it. All those times in the hospital. They ended up finding it on the back of her heart valve.”

While in the ICU, Austin said Demri was conscious but intubated – she had a tube inserted down her throat to help her breathe, which she despised. She would tell her mother, “I hate being fucking intubated. I can’t talk, and these people come and they ask me these fucking questions, and I can’t fucking talk, and I feel like a fucking fish in a fucking fishbowl.” She communicated by writing on a small blackboard with a piece of chalk. [1]

Despite the multiple hospitalizations and brushes with death, Demri continued using drugs. She had seemingly accepted that her addiction was going to kill her.

Amber Ferrano: “I brought mortuary books in to Demri at the hospital when Layne got back from New York in April of 1996. I, of course, shocked Demri and said I thought we could go coffin shopping. Of course when Layne got there she told on me. When she first saw them she was balling saying she didn’t want to die. Layne talked about all the issues. I said you have to be clean to fix those issues and they get less and less. The thing with them was people waiting outside their home with drugs as a way to befriend them or mailing it to them. It killed Layne when he got letters about people using. He didn’t write to glorify it, it was cathartic to work his way through it."

Barbara Dearaujo: “She was in and out of the hospital for months at a time before she actually passed away. I would go visit her and she had all the nurses going crazy. She put up all her drawings and flowers all over the walls and did things she wasn’t supposed to do like take off with her IV and go out and smoke. She was a wild child... My heart goes out to her mom. She was a good mother and she tried so hard to help Demri, but Demri was her own woman and she lived in the extreme always. She was a broken child. Grasping for something to relieve some deep pain that no one but her knew.”

One of the last photos of Demri alive, as far as her mum knew. Demri and her mum Kathleen on September 1996. Kathleen sent this photo to Memories of Demri instagram (no longer exists).

Donald John: “I was very close with Demri Parrott, knew her during her last year of life. I met her at the hospital through a friend and became very close to her. I used to visit her a lot while in the hospital, and we had some very deep spiritual conversations about everything, including her relationship with Layne from the start to the end. She even gave me a pair of sunglasses that was his. I used to read books to her and let her borrow a lot of my books, especially art books, to keep her busy. I used to hold her while she cried and watched her while she slept. I used to go outside with her when she wanted to smoke and when she was feeling better to walk, and met her mother. I even got to check out her mother’s home which had a lot of pictures of Demri of her modeling days and stuff. Sometimes on her breaks she would come to my apartment that was like 5 min walk away from the hospital. She would come over and we would do heroin together and paint pictures with my art supplies, sitting Indian style on the floor listening to music. Then when she was released from the hospital she stayed with me for a while in my place and even slept in the same bed with me, we never had sexual relations but were deep friends and something more. She and Layne at the time were pretty much over even though he visited her while in the hospital. Sometimes we would cuddle in bed and she was so skinny. When she would leave to do her errands around town she would sometimes come back with gifts, like one time I got a cool wallet from her and a necklace with an angel on it – at the time I had my first tattoo of an angel on my forearm. When me and Demri first met I was just smoking heroin, then I started shooting and when she found out she was very upset. Time had passed and I saw her frequently. Then I found out about her death.” [2]

The other of the last photos of Demri alive, as far as her mum knew. Demri and her mum Kathleen on September 1996. Kathleen sent this photo to Memories of Demri instagram (no longer exists).

Ryan Kalsbeck:“Demri was staying for a bit with me at my old apartment off 45th and Lake City Way, we had been friends for years by this point but her addiction was sad for me to see. We had long serious conversations about a lot of things. Personal, to say the least. But she always carried her Leather Modeling Portfolio with her everywhere she would go or where she was staying, but she made me promise to please hold on to this portfolio for her and don’t let anyone around it or in it and she would eventually have a solid place to bring it to and for safe keeping. I never let one picture wander off into anyone ever. I promised Demri I would guard it and I knew how important this was to her fading life. She was so afraid of loosing this or someone stealing it, probably swiping rare as f*ck photos of her and Layne, stacks of the two in different vintage clothing. But I had her portfolio in my possession for at least 1 year, and one day like normal she left my apartment and I was still sleeping. Said, ‘I’ll see you at the Off Ramp later tonight.’ I wasn’t surprised to not run into her that night, and this was one of the last times of her disappearing, no one hearing from her for months at a time. But she always popped up at someone’s place eventually. The story is deep, and thick, and personal for me to speak of.”

Terri Brannon: “Last time I saw her, I went over to Carolina Court to say goodbye because I was moving back to Arkansas. I had a very sad feeling when I hugged her. I knew in my heart I’d never see her again. She was so full of life back then. A wild gypsy child. Reminded me of myself many years before. It’s been years and years, but you never forget Demri. She is unforgettable.” [2]

Demri's graveyard at Miller-Woodlawn Memorial Park, Bremerton, Washington, USA

During her final days, Demri was staying with an older man named Tom, the father of a friend of hers, at his place in Bothell. According to Amber Ferrano, he was a drug dealer, Demri was staying with him because he had klonopin so she wouldn’t have seizures. Demri had lived something of a nomadic existence, staying with different people for periods of a few days to a few weeks at a time. Toward the end of her life, it became very difficult for her to find a place to stay.

On the afternoon of October 28, 1996, Tom drove Demri into Seattle. She told him she wanted a few things from a Fred Meyer grocery store. When he arrived at the store, Demri was unconscious, and he couldn’t wake her. He went into the store to pick up her things, leaving the car engine running so she wouldn’t get cold. He came out of the store, drove home, and still couldn’t wake her. He left her in the car unconscious so he could do his laundry. He eventually realized something was seriously wrong.

Demri was eventually brought in to the emergency room at Evergreen Hospital in Kirkland at 7:30 P.M. – two and a half hours after she first lost consciousness. Her mother got a phone call from the hospital, telling her Demri was there.

Kathleen asked the doctors if Demri could hear her. The doctors told her they thought she could. She clutched Demri’s hand and said, “Dem, if you have a choice to stay or to go, you don’t have to stay for me anymore.” During previous hospitalizations, she had always told her to fight, to to survive. This time was different. [1]

Jack Plasky: “The first time I met Layne was when he came by my studio after Demri passed. We hung out for about six or seven hours. We went through Demri’s pictures. We did not talk much, it was more like sharing with me his pain. He was not a rock god that day, just a regular person who wanted to share the loss with each other. We had a very strong bond based on our love and caring for Demri, and her feelings for us. I got a strong true feeling from him when he looked at Demri’s pictures, that life held nothing for him anymore.”

Ariel Layton: “Demri used to spend a lot of time with my girlfriend, Jana. She actually passed away in my friend Tom’s truck. I also ended up couch-surfing at Buddah’s around the same time as Layne shortly after she passed. He had photos of her everywhere, it was very sad.”

Kathleen Austin: “Derek loved Dem so much and nothing she did would ever change that. He spoke at her funeral, ‘If my sister got on the ferry in Seattle, she knew everyone on the boat by the time it reached Bremerton’.”

Clay: “Demri, it’s been 13 years [March, 2009] since you went to be with Jesus and I still miss you so much sweetie. I’m so glad we got to share all the time with each other before you left us. When we prayed and talked about Heaven and The Lord, it still makes me think about how I look forward to seeing you again and being with you forever. I hope all the world knows you are with Christ now and your faith in Him, so they can have the same hope we shared. I’ll always treasure your Bible your grandma gave me, until we are together again. Love you always, Clay.”

Brochure from Demri’s memorial service, which was held on November 2, 1996. Shared by Marisi Sojit and posted by “Comunidad Alice in Chains Chile” Facebook group. Found via Instagram: memoriesofdemri (no longer exists)

Carolyn Hart Gutierrez: “She was one of the most amazingly trusting, compassionate, openhearted persons I’ve ever known, albeit briefly. We went to the same high school, and she was a friend of my younger sister. I have often thought about her over the years. It broke my heart to hear that she was gone from this Earth. I always imagined that she grew up and became a happy little momma who would teach her children to believe in magic and that if you wish on a star your wish will come true, and to dance in the rain. That’s what I believe. Demri may be gone, but she is never forgotten.” [2]

Krisha Augerot: "She was like the sweetest, cutest, tiny hippie chick – just adorable and gorgeous. Never would I have ever imagined what happened to her happening".

Mara Whelan: “My dear soul sister, she extracted the truly beautiful parts of my soul and made me unafraid. She brought light into the depths of darkness from within. She loved all my ugliness and glorified my uniqueness.

Demri and I lived together, slept together as sister spoons, hitchhiked all up and down the coast and back and forth to Seattle from Everett a million times. We lived in Seattle together in multiple places. When we didn’t live together, even when the drugs came into play, we never lost each other.

She was the most beautiful soul that ever existed. What I would do to feel her hand in mine again.”

Barbara Dearaujo: “Demri was an artist herself, a model and someone who could always make you laugh. She was the type of person who when she entered a room full of people all eyes would be on her. She sucked the energy from the room and then blasted it back out at you and made you laugh and smile. She was so different than everyone else and everyone knew it who met her. Geeky, funny, caring, talented and unique girl who could of owned the world if she had not got caught up in what was going on around her. She was a star in her own right.”

*All the information has been collected from the "Memories of Demri" document shared on google drive*

Sources cited:

[1] Alice in Chains: The Untold Story by David de Sola

[2] Instagram: memoriesofdemri (no longer exists)

*VERY SPECIAL THANKS TO LITTLE QUEENIES AND MEMORIES OF DEMRI*

Some great Demri sites you MUST check:

Little Queenies tumblr blog - Demri info

Little Queenies' collection of Demri's photos hosted at Google Photos

Memories of Demri document hosted on Google Drive

Videos of Demri hosted on Google Drive

World of Demri on Instagram

World of Demri substack blog

Demri L. Parrott on facebook

Demri L. Parrott on Instagram

Demri Lara Parrott on Instagram

Demri Parrott Legacy on Instagram

Beautiful Demri Blogspot

#demri parrott #demri lara parrott #demri parrott murphy #demriparrott #demri lara parrott murphy #demri murphy #demri lara murphy #links #1996 #rip #gone but not forgotten #gone but never forgotten #gone too soon #memories #like #join #follow #subscribe

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she-karev · 3 months ago

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The Worst Day (Andrew DeLuca x Alex Karev’s Sister Angst with a Happy Ending)

Age Rating: 12+

Chapters: One of Three

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

Ship: Andrew DeLuca x Amber Karev (Alex Karev’s Sister)

Warning: Panic Attack

Canon Episode: Season 17 Episode 6

AN: Here we go guys, the bad episode we wish never happened is happening here but don’t worry there’s a happy ending coming. As far as I am concerned the last 18 minutes never existed and DeLuca’s injuries weren’t that severe. But that doesn’t mean there’s not gonna be angst so be prepared. Like and reblog below and let me know what you think and if my description of a panic attack is on point due to never having one myself. And don't worry I'm not a cruel person so the next chapters will be released today with the next one coming at 12 and the last one coming at 6.

Summary: Andrew DeLuca was stabbed and while unconscious he has flashes to the day he and Amber Karev first met. Meanwhile Amber comes to the hospital where she finds out what happened.

Words: 2970

April 30th, 2020

Andrew DeLuca is lying on his side in the mostly empty train station clutching his stomach. He was so focused on following Opal and making sure the cops knew where she was going that he barely registered a man bumping into him to make it look like an accident when really he was stabbing Andrew. One minute he was running after a sex trafficker and the next he is lying on the floor in unimaginable pain without anyone to help.

He is barely able to discern what is happening, but he can make out Carina coming to him. He can see the devastation and panic on her face while she presses on his side trying to stop the bleeding. He sees the other firefighters gathering around him while Maya holds Carina back so they can work on him. He can barely hear what they’re saying as the pain in his side makes him feel woozy and his hearing muffles the sound around him.

Time feels like it’s going both slow and fast for him. He feels like their going slow around him and not getting him off the floor soon enough. But then he can barely remember when they put him on the gurney and loaded him into the ambulance convinced, they were working at warp speed. He must’ve lost consciousness during that time, or his body went into shock from the excruciating agony. Either way his body doesn’t feel like his own, he feels like he’s drifting off into nothingness.

He tries to fight it off knowing it’s his body shutting down, he knows he needs to be awake so he can live. He wishes he didn’t know what was happening in his body right now. He understands the term ‘your life flashes before your eyes’. It feels almost like he’s going to another world as his mind flashes to three years ago when he first met the woman he loves.

July 17th, 2017

“Can I get an iced mocha latte with an extra shot?” Andrew DeLuca asks the barista at the coffee kiosk outside.

He’s in his baby blue scrubs and lab coat as it’s the uniform for a second-year resident like him. He’s getting a coffee for Amelia Shepherd as she has a tough case with a 14-year-old that has osteoblastoma on his jaw. Seeing his boss work so hard to try to operate on an inoperable tumor has him worried she’s taking a big risk. But she’s his boss and he knows better than to question her methods.

The barista gives him the open clear container with the latte inside. DeLuca gives him the cash and takes the lid and straw ready to head back until he bumps into someone he didn’t know was behind him. The female gasp causes him to see that the coffee he’s holding sloshed as he bumped into the woman causing a good amount to splash on her upper breasts that are covered by the sweetheart line of the black dress she is wearing.

He looks down in wide eyed shock before looking up at the distressed woman and it makes him want to kick himself that much more. The woman that was behind him waiting in line is drop dead gorgeous with her blonde hair that is neat in an updo and her eyes that are wide with shock. He can’t discern if their blue or green or gray but either way he is flabbergasted that he just spilled his boss’s coffee on a beautiful woman he would normally ask out if they met under better circumstances. He decides to put that aside and try to repair his massive error.

“Oh my god I am so sorry.” It’s the only thing he can say, and he says it with all the regret and shock he can to the woman who shudders looking down at her dress.

“Cold coffee in my breasts very cold.”

Andrew turns around and grabs a stack of napkins, “Here let me help-”

“Ow!” Andrew felt a pain in his elbow that he realizes was from hitting the woman in the face because he turned too fast without looking behind him.

She groans in pain gripping her nose with her eyes closed while Andrew looks even more horrified by his ability to make this so much worse. If embarrassment could kill, he would be dead on the sidewalk at that very moment.

“I am so sorry…again, are you okay?” Andrew asks the woman who groans letting go of her nose before kneeling down. He sees that in the midst of the chaos she dropped her purse, and all of her items fell out as a result.

DeLuca once again tries to mend his mistake and kneels down to help the woman who looks like she could be a runway model, “I’m fine I just have coffee in my dress thanks to you and I probably need a rhinoplasty thanks to you but hey at least this hospital has a plastic surgery wing.”

Andrew grins slightly as he picks up white tube-like objects he now sees are tampons as does the woman who speaks out in humiliation as well, “Please leave my lady essentials alone before I die of embarrassment thanks to you.” DeLuca curses himself again before quickly dropping the items that the woman quickly picks up before standing and rubbing herself with the napkins he offered, “Who do I thank for this short moment of physical and emotional torture?”

“Um Andrew DeLuca, hi.” He holds his hand out offering a shake at the woman in the hopes she isn’t too mad at him. He is proven wrong with the narrow eyes that could stare daggers at him and the frown on her red lips that he feels creeping in his soul. Andrew see’s he’s not gonna get on her good side and returns his hand before clearing his throat, “Is there anything I can do to help?”

The woman chuckles in a way that makes him feel worse for his transgressions, “I don’t know you could dislocate my shoulder or shave off my eyebrows if you didn’t get your fill in today.”

“I’m sorry it was an accident I swear.” Andrew says once again and tries to make it up to her somehow pointing at the kiosk behind him, “How about I buy you a coffee?”

“No thanks I’ve had enough, and I don’t trust you holding liquids around me so…” The woman starts to walk backwards as if afraid his mere presence will cause more injuries for her, “I’m just gonna ring out my dress, shove these tampons up my nose and I’m sure the people interviewing me won’t notice so thanks a lot.”

With that sarcastic statement the woman briskly walks away from Andrew who she doesn’t see dropping his head down in shame. He closes his eyes and groans under his breath for driving a woman away without even trying. In that moment he can say for certain that would be the first and last interaction they have and it’s fitting for him that it would be a complete disaster.

Present

Amber walks along the ambulance bay feeling nervous about today, or more accurately running into Andrew DeLuca. Last night she left him a message telling him that she is willing to give their relationship another chance. It’s what he wanted for weeks, and she hasn’t given him the time of day because of the things he said and did to her while he was having a mental breakdown.

But now she can see that he’s working hard to overcome his illness and be the best version of himself like he promised her last night. It’s something she wanted him to do when they were together, and she gave up on him convinced he was never gonna be the man she loved again. He proved her wrong by getting better and taking his meds, but she was still hurt and angry at him.

It wasn’t until he checked on her everyday when she had covid and she could see up close from behind a closed door that the Andrew she knew wasn’t gone. She could see that his priorities have evolved. She could see that he was working hard to earn back her trust. And it wasn’t until last night after her talk with April that she decided to give him that chance. Now she’s anxious to see what his answer is to her voicemail and what is about to come next for them.

“Morning.” Amber sees her oldest brother, Alex, walk next to her looking like he is about to start his day too, “I would have added a good, but you know.”

“I know, what are you doing here? I thought Hayes was covering your service today?”

“He is but Jo told me that Val is feeling worse than she lets on.” Amber remembers Val as the mother with the baby in her liver that they took out, “I thought another familiar face in there might be good for her. And maybe I can find a way for her to see her kid outside a screen.”

Amber is surprised by her brother’s generosity, “You’re going to a lot of lengths for this family. Does Jo need to be concerned?”

Alex rolls his eyes at his sister’s half joke, “Shut up. It’s hard enough having a baby in a pandemic let alone having one come from your liver and be in an incubator for weeks. Plus, Val got in touch with Luna’s father last night, he signed away his parental rights.”

“Isn’t that what she wanted?”

Alex fumes, “Yeah but having the father of your kid respond with a two worded text and a baby emoji makes you feel worse than you already do. Here I am wanting a kid with the woman I love and this guy just tosses his like week old garbage. I don’t know why I’m so mad.”

“As a woman who was also abandoned by her father as a baby I share your anger.” Amber tells her brother, “But it’s good that they have you there.”

“I just hope me and Jo are enough to keep this family from falling apart.”

The Karev’s are close to the pit entrance when an ambulance comes blaring in with Owen Hunt and Levi Schmitt already gowned up. They stop to let the rig park and wheel the trauma in when what comes out stops Amber and she looks on confused.

“Carina?” Amber asks her ex-boyfriend’s sister who comes out looking disheveled. Alex widens his eyes as he knows the look Carina has all too well. It’s the look he had when his little brother or sister would get hurt.

“It’s Andrea.” Carina tells a shocked Hunt and the gurney coming out stops Amber cold. Andrew is on the gurney with an oxygen mask on and 4 by 4’s against a bleeding wound in his abdomen. Amber gasps in horror at this and wants to reach out and help but her brother holds her back by her upper arms knowing she would get in the way.

It hurts him to see DeLuca come out of that ambulance knowing Alex was another reason for his trauma visit four years ago. Seeing him like this because of someone else makes him want to go back and kick his younger ass for doing this to another human being. However, he knows his sister needs him in this time as she is frozen in shock and can’t ask questions so he does them for her asking Warren and Bishop.

“What the hell happened?”

“Stab wound to the abdomen, possibly into the chest.” Amber shudders at Warren’s description as a thousand thoughts run through her head that feels like it’s gonna explode, “Slightly hypotensive and tachycardic after one liter of NS.”

“What happened?” Schmitt asks in shock.

Bishop explains, “He was following a sеx trafficker, and she attacked him.”

“They got her.” Even through the blood pounding in her ears Amber can hear the struggle in her loves voice, “I-I think I'm okay.”

Alex is still holding Amber by her arms as Owen talks to Andrew, “DeLuca, try not to talk. It's Dr. Hunt. You're at Grey-Sloan. Let's get him to trauma one. Let's move. Schmitt, let's go.”

The team wheel the gurney in with Amber breaking out of Alex’s hold to follow. Her chest feels like it could burst with her heart beating so fast, her feet feel tingly with every step she takes but she persists needing to see how he is.

She stops outside the trauma room where the door is open so she can see what’s happening. While her sight is working her hearing stopped at some point and all she can hear is a ringing that would drive her crazy if she wasn’t face to face with her worst nightmare. She’s done enough trauma to see that they’re inserting a chest tube into DeLuca.

So far, a few scenarios run through her head of what could go wrong in a chest tube. The blood could overflow, the clip could be taken out too late, the tube could miss the target completely and hit his heart instead causing it to give out. All of these thoughts in her head make her chest tighten like a MagicBag and she can discern herself rubbing her own chest trying to lessen the constriction, but it doesn’t work. The mask on her face feels like someone is suffocating her and it makes the large building around her swirl like she’s on a roller coaster.

Amber doesn’t know what she looks like at this moment or if she’s even reacting to Andrew obviously being in pain from the chest tube insertion. She feels like her brain is somewhere else and all she is doing is standing and seeing. She doesn’t even know if she’s breathing at this time, but she has to be even if it’s a little because she would be passed out if she wasn’t. On the other hand, her chest tightening could indicate she’s having trouble breathing but she can’t bring herself to worry about that, not with Andrew suffering in front of her eyes.

Her feet suddenly move backwards, and she can feel someone pulling her back as Andrew is wheeled out of the trauma room. She begins to lose sight of him as they turn a corner down the hall. Her worries are still with her as she knows where he’s headed too well, and the scenarios run through her head at hyper speed.

Most of these scenarios end with Andrew dying and each one brings her that much closer to collapsing on the floor as her knees get weaker by the second. The ringing in her ears is still there but she can see Alex standing in front of her with worry in his eyes. He is holding her upper arms, but she can’t feel his hands around her. She feels like her body is dying.

Alex pulls his mask down and for some reason, seeing his lips move makes the ringing in her ears lessen. She can hear herself babbling ‘oh my god’, she tries to stop but she can’t. It’s like the little girl who was locked in that trunk possessed her mind and her body and she can’t let go of the woman in that pit right now.

“Look at me, look at me.” Amber can hear her brother but it’s like he’s miles away. She looks up at him as he instructs, and she can tell he’s concerned about her. Alex remembers the techniques Jo’s therapist gave him in case she ever had another panic attack and decides to use this to help his little sister who looks like she’s about to faint.

“Can you name five things you can see?” Amber is still mumbling under her breath, so he tries again, “Amber? Name five things you can see around you now.”

Amber swallows her mumbles and takes a shaky breath before starting. Her eyes look around the building that seems like it’s falling to her, but she makes out the things her brain can ascertain, “Um…you…floor…the walls…crash cart…IV pole.”

Amber’s surroundings begin to still in her vision and her hearing becomes clearer as she can hear the familiar voice of her brother who continues the steps, “Good your doing good. Now can you name four things you can touch?”

Amber puts a shaking hand on her arm. Even though it’s hard she tries to follow Alex’s instructions knowing it’s the only way to get out of her racing head, “My-My jacket…the zipper…my shirt…my jeans.”

Alex nods in pride still holding his sister by her arms, “Good, three things you can hear go.”

Amber closes her eyes and focuses on the sounds around her feeling her chest begin to relax, “Um Carina next to us…wheels turning…the intercom.”

“Okay we’re almost done. Name two things you can smell.”

Amber takes a deep inhale for the first time and her brain processes the familiar scents, “Antiseptic…and your cologne.”

“Last thing, name one thing you can taste.”

Amber swallows and tastes her own mouth, “Um the coffee I got on the way here.”

Amber registers that her body is grounded at last, and all of her senses are stable. And with it the heartache that comes to her like a wrecking ball. Her sight becomes blurry with tears and the next sound that comes out of her is small gasping sounds that follow with heavy sobs.

Alex frowns in despair for his little sister before pulling her towards his chest and holding her against him as she sobs. The sibling stand there in an embrace as the worlds feels like it’s crashing down for one of them.

Next Chapter Here

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stevetonyweekly · 2 years ago

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SteveTony Weekly - April 9th

Hey everyone! I read a lot of short things this week that were DELIGHTFUL and kept my mind busy as I wait for news on the personal front. Fandom is my favorite thing for that, and so many other reasons. Be sure to give your authors a comment or kudos if you like their stories!

~*~

Everyone's a Critic by duc

Steve scrap booking with Jan. Everyone's a critic.

Shook the Bones of Me by Mireille

Tony and Steve have some rare free time together. Steve has plans for it.

last call by gottalovev

Tony didn’t prepare for Steve calling first.

It's been thirteen months, why now?

The Three-Date Opportunity by Annie D (scaramouche)

Tony gets three dates to win over a skeptical Steve. Three, no more and no less.

This Isn't What it Looks Like by FestiveFerret

Steve finds an antique mirror at a thrift shop, but it turns out to be more than just a mirror.

Five Kinks Tony Stark Does Not Have Anymore Thanks to Steve Rogers (+1 He Still Likes) by greyduckgreygoose

"Hm ..." Clint paused in the bedroom doorway, surveying Tony as he lay in fetal position, sulkily clutching a hot water bottle to his groin. "Can't decide what to mock you for without more information."

festina lente (hurry slowly) by greyduckgreygoose

If anyone asked Steve – and a few reporters may well have, Steve wouldn’t know since Peggy had kept him from answering anything else outside controlled press conferences and faux-casual interviews – what his relationship was with Captain America, Steve would have said something like, “We’ve reached an understanding,” or, “He’s a good guy to have in a fight,” but nowhere in that statement would be the mention of friend, or partner or ally.

A role reversal fic featuring Steve Rogers (a.k.a Iron Man) as a billionaire, genius engineer with a heart of gold and Tony Stark (a.k.a Captain America) as a playboy American Hero who spent most of his backpay on his flashy lifestyle.

felix culpa (fortunate fault) by greyduckgreygoose

The first time Tony had fucked in his new body, it was with a USO girl five years his senior. It was his first time not being scrawny, first sexual encounter outside of back-alley blowjobs and hotel room visits with strange men in bars. First time penetrating.

It was bad. He didn’t judge his strength and left a dime-sized bruise on the girl’s breast. She had laughed, of course, been a sport as she ruffled his hair. “At least it’s somewhere easy to cover,” she had said, “But they sure weren’t kidding about that super strength of yours, were they? Wowee.” He had still felt like shit.

Bound to Take Your Life by greyduckgreygoose

“Bite me,” Tony had hissed the first time that they met, and to this day he doesn’t know just how close Steve had been to shoving him to the ground and sinking his canines into Tony’s neck, jaws clamping down until Steve’s mouth tasted of blood and sweat and Tony’s screams died down to a slow whimper.

Cry Uncle by greyduckgreygoose

Tony chuckled, flipping up his mask so that Steve could feel Tony's breath on his ear as he whispered, "But Cap, I promised that I'd make you beg for mercy." Steve's eyes widened, his body going taut as a bowstring in anticipation of being drawn.

I Wanna Hold Your Hand by NotEvenCloseToStraight

Tony is a snarky, sassy, college age disaster, making his way through the Ph.D program by way of spite, stubborness and unhealthy amounts of caffeine so lovingly supplied by the local coffee shop.

Steve is the barista hopelessly in love with the fluffy haired, sleep deprived, genius.

It happens exactly the way you think it does.

A Common Folly by royal_chandler

Alongside the growing skirt of daylight, a miserable hangover had greeted Tony the next day. Steve sputtering through awkward morning-after talk had only made it worse, his hands a busy flurry in Tony’s face and dizzying. To save himself the trouble of lengthy jail time, Tony had smothered him with a cotton-dry mouth rather than with a pillow he’d been half-seriously contemplating. And after that? Well Tony discovered that he quite liked kissing Steve and being kissed by Steve.

Unforeseen Side Effects by Fickle_Obsessions

In a quick effort to make Loki docile, the Tony Stark releases an experimental drug that only effects Asgardians. It gets Thor too, but hey, he had no choice. It works a little too well. Loki goes from trying to destroy the world to braiding Thor's hair as well as other things. Steve helpfully sticks around and clutches his pearls while Tony waits for the drug to wear off.

(Shipping this forever old fic to live in the same stable as my other fillies.)

Not just a river in Egypt (Tony is most certainly not in denial) by theoddoodisnude

"You are most definitely not in love with me, Cap, what you are experiencing is called cabin pressure," Tony explains, because he has a rational train of thought and he's met enough shrinks to have figured out their tactics by now. "And possibly, you know, sexual frustration, because it doesn't matter at all that you're, like, America's national icon, Fury still won't let you out. I know that, I see that, I acknowledge your pain, I feel with you, Cap, believe me, I do. And I get it, because I am a very good-looking fellow and we spend a lot of time together, stuck in this tower, and it's easy to--"

"I am," Steve cuts off, equal parts amused and frustrated and concerned. "In love. With you. Tony, I'm in love with you."

The Next Great Baker by Tacuma

Tony has been asked to be in a judge in one of the episodes of 'The Next Great Baker'. He doesn't really want to go, until he tastes the amazing donuts of one of the contestants.

Messily by mattmurderock

Steve grunted softly and kissed Tony hard, pulling him close with one hand on his ass again and one now twining into Tony’s hair. They fell onto the bed like that, a heap of limbs and mouths and gasps. Tony could feel Steve everywhere, from the strong fingers slipping into the back of his slacks to the rock-hard cock pressing against his lower stomach. His veins sung with pleasure, his heart beating faster than a bullet train. His blood chanted 'Steve, Steve, Steve, St-'

Cuddling by ladyshadowdrake

The thing he missed the most about Pepper – okay, that was a lie, he missed almost everything about Pepper – but the thing he was really surprised that he missed was the cuddling. So it shouldn’t have been anything new when he realized that Steve didn’t like to cuddle.

A Thousand Lives by Neverever, Perlmutt

Steve is planning to ask Tony to the Homecoming Dance and Tony wants to ask Steve, but neither has found the courage to actually ask. Until Tony steals a cosmic cube from Fury's office and accidentally reveals the red string of fate that ties him and Steve together.

Optimistic Decompression by exfatalist

To destroy all records of the Superhuman Registration Act before they could fall into Norman Osborn's hands, Tony Stark deleted his brain. In so doing, he forgot a lot of very important - and very terrible - things that he did. His life since has been spent attempting to reconcile how much his friends seem to despise him and knowing, logically, that he could have only ever acted according to his best judgment.

And while no amount of sensory input could possibly bring back such irreparably lost data, nothing was ever logical about the quiet moments when two people lay entwined together.

Frosty the Snowman by Captain_Panda

What's the meaning of Christmas? What is it, really?

Could it be the toys on Christmas day?

Or the friends we made along the way?

Are its joys discovered in a pile of snow?

Or those things that cannot be tied with a bow?

If it's not at the bottom of a glass of eggnog:

Then the meaning of Christmas must reside in a dog.

(AKA: The Christmas story where Steve Rogers adopts a dog, makes some new friends, and discovers that being a Scrooge is impossible with Tony Stark around.)

#stevetony #stevetony weekly #stevetony fic #stony fic #fic rec #rec list #stony fic recs #stony #captain america #steve rogers #iron man #tony stark

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raphieeee · 2 years ago

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It starts when Splinter calls Karai his daughter. The word rings out in his ears for the rest of the day and starts again the second he wakes up the next morning. “My daughter”. He doesn’t get why it bothers him so much at first, thinking it’s just jealously over having another sibling to fight attention for. It hits him when Casey and April are talking about a classmate and Casey refers to him as she and April corrects him to say he. He sits in silence for so long, just thinking about what that implies, that Leo notices and asks him what’s wrong. Raph, being as good of an actor as he is, just shouts some about wanting to be alone and running to the Dojo. He steals the computer and researches everything about genders and pronouns, eventually passing out with his head on the keyboard. It’s several weeks later, after contemplating for hours everyday and searching every site he could find, that he accepts what he’s been so confused about. As the family sets up for dinner, April and Casey included, Raphael stands awkwardly and coughs. Leo and Splinter look up first and are immediately at attention, worried at the almost scared look Raph holds. The others look up too and all of them are waiting for him to speak as he wrings his hands out in a nervous manner. Splinter stands and kneels in front of his child, the others coming to sit by the couch to see what’s wrong, “My son, what is the matter?” Raph flinches subtly, taking a deep breath and nodding as if deciding something. Voice shaky and quiet, something none of them have ever heard, Raph speaks, “I-I… I don’t… I don’t want to be a boy. I want to be… be like April, I- I wanna be a girl?” She says it like a question, asking for permission from her family. Shock passes all their faces as they process her words, Donnie, April and Casey understanding quickly, then Leo and Splinter and finally Mikey, who thought he meant she wanted to be human. Donnie and Casey give her almost proud smiles and nods, as if they’ve seen a big achievement happen in front of them. April looks like she might squeal, clearly excited. Mikey, who couldn’t care less what peoples genders are, tries to sneakily steal a slice off Leo’s plate. It’s Leo who walks up next to Splinter and puts a hand on her shoulder with a warm smile and says, “I kind of always wanted a sister.” Raph can’t stop from crying, especially as Sinter laughs a cheery sound and brings her into a hug, hand resting on her head as he squeezes. “Let me correct myself then, my daughter. There isn’t a thing wrong with you at all.” The insuring group hug has her sobbing with joy, something she would later deny ever happening. It’s take them a while, which she fully expected and understands, but eventually everyone gets used to calling her she. With discussions between her and her dad, she decides to keep Raph as her name but change her full name to Raphaela, not wanting a big change but wanting to distance herself from the more masculine original. It’s Leo’s idea to get her a longer mask and tie the end in a bow or cut multiple strands to braid it. Donnie confesses latter that he saw her searches on the laptop and deleted them so no one would see until she was ready, so he had already prepared some hormone injections if she wishes to trail them. Mikey is ready to beg and plead but doesn’t need to when he asks if he can paint her nails and use his old bracelet making kit to make (cool) jewellery for her. April and Casey buy her a giant dress that they cut to size so it will fit over her shell, which causes her brothers to demand they get clothes too. Splinter tries his best with his age and traditional lifestyle, which Raph knows and appreciates, loving it eveytime her father calls her daughter (she knows he calls her daughter more than he calls the others son just to reassure her). Raphaela was terrified to come out to her family, but as she sit on the couch sharpening her Sai’s with bright red nails and black eyeliner being done by her brother and Casey, she thinks the fear was worth it in the end.

#tmnt raphael #rottmnt #tmnt 2012 #2012 raphael #rottmnt raphael #trans raph

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mercerislandbooks · 7 months ago

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Book Notes: Funny Story

A new book from Emily Henry is the perfect way to finish up the month of April, and this is definitely one of those times when the bookseller perk of getting to read Funny Story early was a wonderful treat!

Daphne Vincent thought all the pieces of her life were falling into place. She’s engaged to a wonderful man, moved to his hometown of Waning Bay, Michigan, and landed her dream job as a children’s librarian. The wedding is only months away and Daphne is settling into her future when Peter comes home after his bachelor party and tells Daphne he’s leaving her. For his childhood best friend, Petra. Suddenly Daphne has a week to move out of the house that she thought she’d grow old in, but only has his name on the papers. And she’s trapped in Waning Bay until the end of the summer because of the Library Read-a-Thon, a fundraiser she’s been planning since she started her job. After that she can leave and never look back. Her ex’s new girlfriend not only participated in breaking up Daphne’s engagement, but she’s left her own boyfriend, Miles, behind to be with Peter. Daphne needs somewhere to stay, and Miles needs someone to cover the rent Petra is no longer paying. They say misery loves company and who better to be miserable with than the person in the same position you are?

Yet it takes being blindsided by invitations to Peter and Petra’s upcoming wedding to push Miles and Daphne into a building a tentative friendship. He's chaotic, she's buttoned up, but a drunken night out, two RSVP’s to the wedding neither of them want to believe is happening, and a teeny tiny little lie (they’re dating each other, they don’t need plus ones for the wedding) puts these roommates on the same team. Emily Henry excels at creating characters with good hearts trying to do their best in relationships while also working through the baggage of their past. In spite of his chaos, Miles is an absolute delight. When he finds out that Daphne is planning on leaving Waning Bay as soon as the summer is over, he takes it upon himself to share with her all the things he loves so much. His pleasure in life, even with his recent heartbreak, spills over into Daphne. As she makes friends of her own and finds her footing in Waning Bay, she starts to reconsider what might come next. I loved these characters and I loved their story and the audiobook is read by my favorite, Julia Whelan. What more could a romance-lover ask for?

To celebrate the release of Funny Story, Island Books also has some fun related merchandise for sale from Out of Print. T-shirts, tote bags and zip pouches, all in pops of color and just right to show off your Emily Henry love! I’ve snagged a T-shirt for myself, and am definitely eyeing a tote bag to pack up with spring and summer reading. Stop by Island Books and preorder your copy of Funny Story, out Tuesday, April 23rd. I can’t wait to hear what you think!

— Lori

#island books #lori robinson #book notes #emily henry #funny story #romance reads

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hollymbryan · 8 months ago

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Blog Tour: Top 5 Reasons to Read THE REAPPEARANCE OF RACHEL PRICE by Holly Jackson! #tbrbeyondtours

Welcome to Book-Keeping and my stop on the TBR and Beyond Tours blog tour for The Reappearance of Rachel Price by Holly Jackson! I've got all the details on this taut and twisty YA thriller, which released yesterday, for you below, along with my top 5 reasons to read it!

About the Book

title: The Reappearance of Rachel Price author: Holly Jackson publisher: Delacorte Press release date: 2 April 2024

From the author of the multimillion bestselling A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder series and Five Survive comes a new true-crime fueled mystery thriller about a girl determined to uncover the shocking truth about her missing mother while filming a documentary on the unsolved case. Lights. Camera. Lies. 18-year-old Bel has lived her whole life in the shadow of her mom’s mysterious disappearance. Sixteen years ago, Rachel Price vanished and young Bel was the only witness, but she has no memory of it. Rachel is gone, long presumed dead, and Bel wishes everyone would just move on. But the case is dragged up from the past when the Price family agree to a true crime documentary. Bel can’t wait for filming to end, for life to go back to normal. And then the impossible happens. Rachel Price reappears, and life will never be normal again. Rachel has an unbelievable story about what happened to her. Unbelievable, because Bel isn’t sure it’s real. If Rachel is lying, then where has she been all this time? And – could she be dangerous? With the cameras still rolling, Bel must uncover the truth about her mother, and find out why Rachel Price really came back from the dead . . . From world-renowned author Holly Jackson comes a mind-blowing masterpiece about one girl’s search for the truth, and the terror in finding out who your family really is.

Add to Goodreads: The Reappearance of Rachel Price Purchase the Book: Amazon | B&N | Bookshop

About the Author

Holly Jackson is the author of the #1 New York Times bestselling series A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder, an international sensation with millions of copies sold worldwide as well as the #1 New York Times bestseller and instant classic, Five Survive, and her forthcoming novel, The Reappearance of Rachel Price. She graduated from the University of Nottingham, where she studied literary linguistics and creative writing, with a master’s degree in English. She enjoys playing video games and watching true-crime documentaries so she can pretend to be a detective. She lives in London.

Connect with Holly: Twitter | Instagram | Goodreads

Top 5 Reasons to Read

There are *a lot* of reasons to love this latest book from YA thriller queen Holly Jackson, but I've tried to capture here my top 5 for you!

It's Holly Jackson. Enough said! I mean, not only does she have the best name (ha!), but she is quite possibly *the* reigning YA thriller queen! Seriously, I must not have even looked at the synopsis when I signed up for this, because I thought the title referred to a teen who'd gone missing--that's how eager I was to read the next HoJay book!

The book is a great examination of how our past traumas shape us, even if the event itself happens when we are far too young to actually remember it. Because trauma isn't just a one-time thing, is it? There are residual emanations that last--sometimes years, sometimes forever. Traumas shape who we are as people, and they affect our relationships with other people far into the future.

There is an amazing bond between Bel and her cousin Carter that I loved so much and just really had me missing my older sister.

The mystery is *so* well-done, I was quite literally oblivious until the moment Bel discovers the truth herself. And I'm not saying this in a cocky way, but that literally almost NEVER happens to me at this late stage in my life when I've read hundreds of mysteries and thrillers.

The book is a great examination of the lengths to which a parent/parents will go to protect their child. What do you do if you find yourself suddenly a single parent of a 2-year-old, with a missing spouse and suspicion on you for their disappearance? What would you do if that missing spouse suddenly reappears? What do you do if you are instead the missing spouse who has returned--do you tell your child the truth about what happened to you? So many points during this book had me questioning just what I would do for my own son!

Seriously, I cannot recommend this one highly enough. And in typical Holly Jackson fashion, it's not only twisty and thrilling but also deeply emotional. Also, she never writes as if teens are too young to handle the horrors of the world, which is one reason I especially love reading her books. Go pick this one up, you won't regret it!

Rating: 5 stars!

**Disclosure: I received an early e-copy from the publisher for purposes of this blog tour.

Make sure you check out the Bookstagram tour too! You can find my post here, and the full schedule is here.

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foxgloveinspace · 1 year ago

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witchy Sleep Token experiences? 👀 it's my new fixation

(Edit: sequel to this ask)

Hi there! I debated for awhile about answering this, just because some of it is still so weird to even think about, talking about it was an interesting experience in itself. But I’m gonna lol.

I wanna start off by saying I think most of it heightened adhd symptoms, and my own witchy-ness. I don’t really think Sleep Token as anything going on (except maybe Vessel has some withy knowledge.) I also wanna say that I am a baby witch. I don’t practice often and most of my practice is gathering knowledge. I don’t live in a safe place to practice more then that. I’m almost more of an herbalist, then anything else. I firmly am of the opinion that Sleep Token is about personal experiences told through Story/Made up scenarios. I also think all of this is the universe bopping me over the head with a paper towel roll like ‘these guys are important to you, have some witchy stuff with them’ cause it knows I’ll like that. But now I have some weird witchy experiences to talk about lmao. There’s little ones I’m leaving out, and all of this is real, even tho it sounds Fake As Fuck.

This one I think is heightened adhd symptoms and my own woo woo stuff. I have this smell that I have up my nose sometimes it either happens when I’m minding my own business, and I’ll smell a light floral scent which makes me go ‘oh sleep token?’ And I either have to stop what I’m doing and listen to them or just think about them for a moment. Or it happens when I think about them deeply for long periods of time. It was very strong when I was writing on of the fics I wrote, like someone has stuck flowers under my nose. It’s an unknown floral scent to me. But I’m chalking this one up to mostly my adhd (with a bit of witchy thrown in) as I have physical things that happen to me when it comes to other special interests. (I feel like I’m getting hugged when I read the end of AftG, ect). But it’s just weird in they way it happens, and how heightened it is and since I can’t place the smell if I find out it it’s the light scent of for-get-me-nots I’m gonna flip my lid lol.

This next one is the strangest one. I remember it very clearly and I still kinda get a little freaked out. The day that I first listened to The Summoning was not long after it came out, I remember finding it through instagram and all the people making jokes about how Sleep Token where insuring that metal heads where gonna have a great Valentine’s Day and babies in November. So I go over to my music app, and I start it up, and immediately I’m like ‘is this even the same song?? Idk I love it tho.’ And then of course it gets to the end and yeah it’s that song. Instantly in love with it and start playing it on repeat but decided I’d wait until I had more spoons to listen to the rest of their discography, and I never look at what bands look like anymore? I let go of looking into bands when I let go of kpop and of course I didn’t end up having the mental energy for looking into a new band until April when I became a changed person lmao. I remember this so clearly, it was a Saturday, I was out shopping late with my family, I was already overstimulated, and this happened in a run down Dollar Tree parking lot with overcast sky’s as it started getting dark out. I listened on repeat while we started heading home. I got a migraine on the way home, not a bad one, (and at the time I didn’t even know that’s what it was, I’ve only recently been like ‘oh I get migraines??’) and so I sat there with my eyes closed, and in the visual disturance/aura, I saw Vessel. And it’s still freaky to think about, I get slight chills up my spine. I don’t normally have figures in my auras, it’s usually just splotches of flashing green and purple. But in the middle of my vision, was a hooded man, and only the lower half of his face was visible and his eyes. It was…. Really fucking weird, and when I put two and two together I just kinda had to be still for awhile (I think I was doing the dishes??) yeah, that was the big one that I’ve had, and it sounds so fake, oof.

I think I’ll leave it there, I’ve had some other small ones that could be chalked up to adhd but I like to think of them as witchy. I might talk about them some other time tho.

#I hope it’s ok that I’m answering this on my blog and not privately also #very much so #witchy sleep token experiences #idk how to tag this tbh #sleep token #for blacklist #witchy stuff #another thing is that I’ve been really wanting to get back into my practice cause I haven’t been doing it often #i actually used oils this morning!! crazy??#long post

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aliypop · 2 years ago

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Back To Black : Chapter 5

latest chapters : Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

Word Count: 10,355

Writers Notes: Here we are Chapter 5 topping off season 4 and kicking into gear of season 5, I hope you all are enjoying the series so far, I’ve been enjoying writing and watching Peaky Blinders now am I gonna rewatch the show again oh Definitely !!!

shout to @herosneednotapply and her oc Florence

Warning: Show violence and language Suggestive themes

Translations :

So roden si ek divano, = What you seek is an answer

Me gindivas ke mules. = I thought you died

Na daţar = Don’t start

Zhi kai avasa arakhliam pale = Until we meet again

Possiamo già spararle? = Can we shoot her already

Spari quando dico spara = You shoot when I say shoot

Pairing: OC x Canon

( Eleanor Williams ) / Thomas Shelby

(Claudette Williams) / Finn Shelby

(Virginia Williams) / Ada Shelby

Plot: What happens When the Williams Family makes their grand return back to London from a war stricken France to only find the rocks of war and the runts of crime the Shelby family slowly leaking into their world,

1925 14th of April

Dear, Thomas Shelby

When you get this letter, it will be on your wedding day, which I must say congratulations on marrying the whore of the Heath, as Virginia used to tell me. Of course, I'm not jealous or anything. If anything, I want to see you happy.

Elizabeth Stark will make you a happy wife and the mother of your children. Yes, I know you're expecting a daughter. Flo told me when you wrote her. Clearly, you didn't think we women wouldn't talk, and yet we do. I find it foolish that you sent me my grandmother's ring when you had no plan to possibly ask for my hand, and if you did, you'd have come to the states and asked me, not sent me hints that I can't comprehend.

Tommy, I don't understand you, and yet at the same time, I do. At the same time, I can't shake you out of my skin or the memories out of my brain. Or why I feel the most alive when I'm near you, but when I'm away, everything reminds me of you. The Gin at my restaurant was yours, and it cured my sadness, a bit sweeter than I remembered, but I want to love you, but it hurts, so from now on, if you must send me letters,

London

"May it only concern business, Forever yours, Eleanor Vadoma Williams," Tommy growled, his brows furrowed as he threw his whiskey bottle at the wall. "Tommy, are you okay..." Virginia asked, fixing her fedora, "Everyone's waiting for you at the church," she'd seen that face before, a man in love, a man in denial, a man with no plan for the fact that she had been there,

"Leave..." he said, tears pricking at his eyes

"Tommy,"

"FUCKING LEAVE." Tommy had been going through it with the Changretta's at his throat and Arthur spirling down to a hole he'd fear he couldn't pull him out of. The only voice he needed to hear was his own. " Cold feet, I see..." Ada sighed, standing next to Virginia,

"Getting married again for your own personal gain..." she scoffed as Virginia looked at her,

"He's protecting her honour." she shrugged, "I respect that,"

"Marriage is about love, Virginia, not some business deal because two people fucked, and now there's a bun in the oven! " Tommy looked between the two taking his things as he left out the house, something told him this marriage would only end in heartbreak, and perhaps it was actually Polly,

"Charles, keep your hat on," Claudette sighed, "May I never have children," she mumbled, straightening out her dress. It had been a while since she'd been in one of those,

"Alright, I'm ready to fuckin go,"

"Arthur, do you think Tommy's makin' a mistake..."

"Julian Tommy always makes mistakes. We just let 'em fucking figure it out 'imself." handing him a vile of snow, Julian sighed, taking some as Lorcan snorted the rest, "Now that's a fucking Shelby."

Westerham Heights

Tucked away in the camps was a band of Caravans, horses, and clotheslines filled with hanging clothes. In the corner, a red caravan encrusted in gold paint and green. It brought back so many memories of their mother, " So roden si ek divano," Vadoma said as Bernadette turned around, "Me gindivas ke mules." Bernadette growled at her sister, Vadoma laughing, her gold jewelry dangling off her like a queen,

"Thought you swore off learnin' mères tongue."

"I got tired of the women picking on me, so, no, I learned." she smiled,

"Come in for tea, will you?" opening the door, Bernadette had always been envious of her sister's caravan with all of its gold dressing and how spacious it was, but because it was their mothers,

"Wine?"

"You never changed," sitting on her bed as she poured her sister a glass, "What brings you by. The only person who passes is Elizabeth Gray, the princess," Vadoma smiled, thinking about Polly,

"Why does my daughter have our mother's ring?"

"Fate seeks what it wishes to find." Vadoma shrugged her shoulders, "Vadoma...Na daţar," she growled,

"Only the truth of a lover can show the truth of the heart."

"Eleanor is getting engaged, and you're going to fuck it up like you fuck everything up!" Bernadette growled,

"I'm afraid it's been you who's fucked everything up, not just with Eleanor," Bernadette scoffed at her sister. She was right,

"The war with Luca is because you neglected your husband's dreams, Leslie taking over is because you sided with your husband and not your daughter, so yes, fate seeks what it wishes to find," Vadoma gave him a cup of wine, "Fate seeks to destroy your family, and it will if you let it." Bernadette turned away from her sister as Vadoma sighed, "This is why mother taught me her ways and father had you forever stuck in his." her skirt swept up against the floors,

"So giving Thomas Shelby her ring was her plan..."

"You never wanted it. You wanted Louis's excuse of a ring, one only a man in vaudeville could buy you." Vadoma laughed as her sister only began to feel small, "Vadoma Esme wants to see ya,"

" Heed my words," Vadoma warned, "And talk to mother, she'll guide you, "Zhi kai avasa arakhliam pale."

Small Heath - 1926

It had been a year, and the war was still ongoing. Standing in a trashy apartment were Arthur, Finn, Isaiah, and Claudette, "This is complete shite..." Claudette grumbled as Arthur laughed, "It'll do so you can shoot the fuckin Italian bastards, " taking a sip from the flask, "Am I in charge," Finn asked as Arthur glanced at him, "Isaiah's in charge. You make sure Tommy don't get fuckin shot, and Claudette..." he took a deep breath knowing his sentence would drive her into madness, "Yes Arthur,"

"If you don't fuck dis up, consider yourself an official Peaky fucking Blinder,"

"Yes, sir, I won't let you down." Claudette saluted.

"You could learn from her, Finn." Isaiah laughed,

"Alright, so Tommy 'Ill give you a signal to be on the lookout." Finn nodded as Arthur had then left,

"You know, I think we should have the guns ready," Isaiah said, handing Claudette one to clean,

"He's really trusting ya with a gun?"

"Is that a problem, Finn..." Claudette asked,

"I don't get why you have to fight,"

"This is my war as much as it is yours."

London -The Red Ruby

"Well, Well, Well, if it ain't Ms. Williams," Luca said, sitting across from Virginia, cigarette in her right hand, dry whiskey in her left, "If it isn't the fumbling bastard who shot me in the fucking ribs." she laughed, "Jessy tells me you serviced her, I assume you paid for her private fee alongside the house fee?" sipping her Whiskey as Luca rolled his eyes, "She was just a quick fuck," he shrugged, "Yeah, that's not how it works here in my whore house Mr. Changretta,"

"Is that so, Ms. Williams, because my house my rules?" he snapped his fingers as two of his soldiers stepped up to her, "Yeah, and in my house, guns get disarmed, so good luck with the shoot out," crossing her leg, every now and then she still felt a bit of pain, but not as bad as when Ada stopped talking to her,

"You queer bitch..."

"Thanks, I know. Now, why are you really here,"

"You crossed me,"

"Don't remember when I did..." Virginia smirked, playing innocent, "The port that night," Luca leaned in closer, trying to intimidate her. She only shrugged,

"You shot one of my fuckin men!"

"That was one of yours?" she pretended to be shocked, "Oh, Mr. Changretta, I'm terribly sorry." she pouted,

" You should be because I'm gonna be karma ready to fuckin rain on ya parade until you and that little girl of yours is dead,"

"I'd like to see you try."

" Possiamo già spararle?"

"Spari quando dico spara!"

"Then shoot me now, go on, kill me, but I warn you, you won't get a cent out of me. Maybe Leslie, who's been embezzling your money, taking your drugs, and doing you dirtier than any of my whores here." tipping her hat at him,

"That's a fuckin lie!"

"Jessy, sweetheart." snapping her fingers,

"Yes, Ms. Williams?" she walked over as Virginia gave her a passionate kiss, "Give him the copies of the books," she ordered,

"Yes, Ms. Williams, anything else for you." Eleanor pointed at his two goons,

"I wanna hear words Williams, fuckin words-"

BLOW!

Jessy then signaled for two other women to remove their bodies,

"Was that a fucking lie Changretta..." Virginia questioned, "Now. If you could, take your books and go, and never fuck with me again." her gun pointing dead center at his nose,

"I got a bullet ready for you, right next to Tommy Shelbys,"

"Mhmm, I'm sure you do, girls." she snapped, "Get 'em out of here before Alfie gets here."

"Yes, Ms. Williams."

Manhattan

"You know, darlin. That ring, it's really something. It doesn't look like no heirloom to me." Sally said, drinking champagne as Eleanor stood in the mirror trying on countless wedding dresses that she had no interest in wearing, "Well, it is," getting short with the woman. Sally was lucky she didn't know the truth about her son, or the fact Eleanor didn't say it to watch the lady kill over,

"You said it's from a friend. Is it a male friend? Oh, not get her another dress. She looks like a pig stuffed in a blanket."

"Tommy would've said I looked fine," she mumbled under her breath,

"So that's his name, the man who's gonna make my boy's wife a cheating whore."

"If that's what you wanna-" a loud thwacking noise across her cheek, "Think," holding her face, Eleanor bit her lip. She knew if all the abuse that had happened here to her in America had happened, in London, she, like the rest of anyone who was being cross with her, would have been added bodies to the floor.

"You are such an ungrateful bitch you know that." Sally asked, "Thinking you can just come into my son's life and ruin it. He doesn't and will never deserve you." her hand wrapped around Eleanor's neck as she pushed her down to the ground, fiddling for her gun in her garter she pulled it out,

"Touch me a fucking gain and see what happens," Eleanor growled, that fire in her eyes still alive and present. Looking over her shoulder, she could see Tommy standing there, something that had been going on for a while. Everything was Tommy, and Tommy was everything,

"I'm... so sorry I have to go." Eleanor got dressed and ran back to her penthouse. She couldn't take it anymore, this wasn't her life anymore, and she was losing control over it,

" Lena, we didn't expect you to be back so early..." Carlton said, trying to cover himself and Walter up with a blanket,

"No need, we need to talk,"

"I'll leave you two to it." Walter walked off in Eleanor's robe. Taking a deep breath, she then looked at Carlton, "We are two different people, and for us to work, I have to actually be honest with you,"

"What do you mean,"

"I mean... I'm Daisy Buchanan, and you're Tom. I'm reaching every night for a light and a life I can't have because it's in England. He's in England,"

"I'm not following?"

"I'm not just some dopey bright eyed Jazz -singer Carlton, "

"Then what are you..."

"A sinner and I come from a line of 'em." she smiled,

"I don't understand,"

"I do the devil's business, and I'm in love with him,"

"Lena, you're scaring me." Carlton gulped. Her eyes had looked darker than he remembered,

"Good..."

Small Heath

"Was that the signal..." Finn asked. It had been a week now, and still no sign of Tommy's plans, which meant that in the meantime of scheming, they'd throw parties and get a bit drunk, Finn and Isaiah would bring home prostitutes, and Claudette kept watch,

"If you 'ave to fuckin ask, it's not the fuckin -"

BANG!

Loading up the shotgun the way John and Arthur had shown her in the past was Claudette. Her eyes were focused on her target, two of Changretta's men. This must have been the signal, for nothing else could have been louder than that for it to not have been,

"Don't you think that gun is too big for you, sweetheart," Finn asked as Isaiah grabbed a pistol,

"It's just the right,"

BALAW!

"Size... Is what's the plan!" she shouted, a bit of ringing still in her ear, " I'm going downstairs, Finn top floor, and you," he smirked,

"The roof,"

"Why the fuck do I get the roof!"

"You want to be a Peaky don'tcha,"

"Alright, fine, I'm going..." she rolled her eyes. While on the roof, Claudette had set up her guns, waiting for the real fun to begin. Although she had in the past set traps for The Peaky's or was a distraction, this was the moment to prove herself,

"There she is..." Leslie pointed at Claudette,

"What should we do with her,"

"Kill her,"

Guns fired at Claudette as she hid, shooting back. This was harder than what Arthur told her, but if she could survive France during the war, she could survive this. More bullets flew as more bodies fell, but Claudette still couldn't lose, or so she thought. Reaching for her pistol, she found it missing until she felt the pressure of a heel on her hand.

"Looking for this?"

"I'll fucking kill you!" She spat at her mother's foot,

"If you want to seem threatening, don't go straight for death. Instead, go for how you'll torture me. The way you'll destroy all I stand for." Leslie smirked, removing her foot from her hand, "How you'll blow my brains out. Or knife my eyes out whatever it is those Peakys do," her laughter twisting the knife deeper into Claudette's heart. Leslie could see the fear spread into her eyes the closer she got to her. Leslie could almost taste the sweet victory of killing the life Leslie had created for personal gain. After all, she did kill her brother to climb the ladder of success, "I'll let you grab a weapon of choice first but choose wisely. I don't like to lose." Claudette grabbed her pistol as her mother laughed, pulling out her revolver,

"And to think you're my daughter..."

"I'm every nightmare you've ever had."

"Is that so because last time I checked, I was every nightmare you ever had. Since the day you were born," Leslie growled, "I loved you, I really did, but you messed up every plan I had for myself," she nodded,

"You were my beautiful accident."

"I don't understand..."

"A passionate night in Small Heath gone wrong..." she began to pace, "I was young, useless nothings. I trusted that man, I loved him, but I was weak just like you," she laughed, "So very weak... I let him take the best years of my life, and eventually, he left and came back when you were three. He didn't want children, but I couldn't let him hurt you, so I set the house on fire with him in it. And you in hopes you'd have a better life than the shitty one I had." Leslie sighed, trying to pull on the heartstrings of empathy,

"You left me to die... then waste away in an orphanage..." she laughed, "One where they made me use different soap from the other kids because of my skin," Claudette chuckled, "Or where they'd cut my hair because they couldn't tend to such unruly curls!" she nodded, "Yet you think you can storm back here telling me bullshit and I'd trust you!"

"What's wrong. You don't trust your mother,"

"I don't trust backstabbers who try to kill their own family..."

BANG!

"If you see Andre in hell, tell him I'm coming for him next," the bullet lodged in her leg, the scream of pain from her mother causing her to laugh,

"That'll teach you to mess with The Peaky-"

BANG!

"Fucking Blinders, huh..." Leslie smirked, "never turn your back on your enemies,"

London

"I need to speak to Virginia..."

"Who's askin?" Mary asked, her breast nearly hanging out of her dress, "Ada Thorne, it's important," she glanced at the woman. Was this really what Virginia was into. Sure, she'd been by the brothel a few times, but even she knew the women had nothing on her,

"Boss is in 'er room third floor."

"Thank you." walking up the stairs, she passed a few customers, a few clients of their own, cops on the payroll, politicians, and many other scums of London's low life, but she had to hand it to Virginia, for it to be a whore's house it was still the most beautiful thing she ever did see, knocking on the door, Ada took a deep breath, they hadn't seen much of each other since the wedding, in all honesty, it felt like neither of the two cared enough to check on the other either, especially with Virginia and her commitment issues,

"Who's there,"

"It's Ada..." her fur coat wrapped around her tightly, nervous as all get out to how she'd react,

"Mrs. Thorne, come in," a cigar in her mouth as she opened the door,

"I don't see you gettin much of any sleep."Ada commented about the bags under her eyes, "Running The Pearl and keeping Luca off my back," she sighed, sitting down in her silk robe,

"How's Karl," she asked, "Find him a proper father figure yet?"

"Virginia..."

"Screwing some new man, I mean, I get it keeping cover," she laughed, knocking back some pain pills,

"Virginia Claudette's been shot." Virginia dropped her bottle of Brandy on the floor, the glass splattering across as her heart sank, "Where is she..." her bottom lip trembling as her bottom lashes collected teardrops, "The boys rushed her to the hospital,

"Who shot her, when, where-" Ada pulled her close. And she kissed her,

"Get dressed, and I'll tell you on the way,"

In one wing, there was a killing spree, a bloody massacre. The first of its kind. Until The Saint Valentine's Day Massacre of 29, but on the other side of the hospital was Claudette, who was still in surgery. She had a bullet so close to her spine that one wrong move could leave her paralyzed. "Finn Shelby, sit down, will ya," Polly commanded,

"Not til she's alright," he began to pace harder, trying not to panic. Linda hadn't stopped praying since they'd been in the waiting room. Meanwhile, Isaiah had been flirting with a nurse,

"Virginia, glad you could make it," Polly smiled at the two, "Ada told me everything," Virginia sighed, looking at her. she could tell the family was still at each other's necks.

Even she knew when to step down and be cordial, flattening her overcoat as Virginia sat down trembling like a leaf as Ada tried to soothe the other woman. Virginia only had vengeance on her mind,

" I didn't mean for any of this to happen..."

"Shush, it's not your fault,"

"But it is. Our family put you all in this mess,"

"Luca is our mess, too," Polly sighed, "But we'll get through it, you'll get through it," smoking her cigarette, "in due fucking time..."

Heels clicked against the floor as Bernadette entered the hospital, her Chanel fur draped around her body as her usual smile was simply a frown, "Ms. Dupont..." Polly scoffed, looking at the other woman, "Elizabeth Gray..." she smirked,

"Lovely to see you, but I need to speak to your nephew Tommy."

"About what,"

"My daughter."

"Mother now is not the time,"

"But it is Virginia..." she turned to face her, "

"Mum!"

"Let her speak," Polly raised her cigarette in the direction of Virginia, " The War with my sister-in-law is over..." she smirked, "Took matters into my own hand and shot the bitch cold." Bernadette smiled,

"She's out of our hair?" Polly asked, "Completely out of it, no one fucks with my children and lives," Bernadette sat down, "Besides, I did some thinking, and you Shelby's would do wonders with us, Williams." she winked at Virginia, who blushed at Ada,

"Welcome to the shit show then,"

The doors then flew open as a nurse came out, her hands shaking a bit," Well, how is she..." Finn asked, growing paler by the second, "She'll need some help walking again, but Claudette's going to be just fine,"

1926 25th of December

Dear Elle,

Another Christmas has passed, and I know you said to only write about business, so I'll do that. In a year, we've defeated Luca, fixed the problems your brother caused, and formed an alliance. Of course, I was told you received the ring from your aunt. However, I wonder if you're under the mistletoe now, wishing I were there. Or when you see the snow.

Does it make you feel like you're missing home? Like there's a light out in the water you can't reach, and every time you try to touch it, it fades, like leading a horse to drink water,

Seeing that I strayed from talking business, your mother tells me you're returning soon to pick back up on The Pearl.

I told Arthur about the plan, and although he tried to fight Virginia, he eventually came to it. Of course, I also managed to make a few investments in America which the family doesn't know about, but you and Flo do.

I also managed to get Ms. Eden off my trail, and I'm soon heading into politics, something Pol has always thought I'd be good at that, but nevertheless,

I can only try my best hand with the horses that I handle and Change the world.

I know you said no more gifts, but this time it's from Charles, attached to this letter should be a box,

Manhattan

"Merry Christmas and a Happy early Birthday. May we meet again, Thomas Shelby," Eleanor took a breath sitting by the tree next to Florence, "Eleanor, I wouldn't open that box. Remember the ring?" she looked over at her, "Yeah, I do, but this is a gift from Charles, he's like a little God son of mine," she smiled,

"You think a four-year-old would buy you a custom-made dress worth thousands. This is a french silk ribbon." Flo sighed,

"I have to know what's in it." Untying the ribbon, she took out the dress as a loud gasp was heard, "Do you know whose dress this is!?! Flo looked at her, a bit confused, "Daisy's from The Great Gatsby." her tone was sarcastic, "No, it's Norma Shearer's from Upstage!" she smiled, holding the fabric of the dress close to her heart,

"I know I was being sarcastic, so tell me, why are we in here. While Carlton's in the living room."

"He's out there with Rodger..." Eleanor rolled her eyes,

The Garrison

"This is a big fucking day for Claudette, so everything needs to be perfect." Finn commanded, both Tommy and Arthur looking at him as if he were a new person, "It's a big day for you, Shelby's. Winning another race, getting rid of that prick Luca, And Tommy, the soon MP of South Birmingham." Virginia said, looking over at Ada,

"The MP of South Birmingham... impressive, Mr. Shelby," Bernadette nodded, a man who could change the world, yet her daughter was with a man who'd change whatever his parents wanted, "The Black Pearl textile factory would be happy to advocate for you. I'm sure Eleanor would be pleased to see your efforts." Tommy only gave her a nod. Eleanor was just as much of a touchy subject for Tommy as Grace was, "Alright, Claudette will be walking in any minute, so everyone just act fucking normal."

"I'm fine. Really I am," Claudette said as both Lorcan and Julian helped her walk down the street,

"What if you fall..." Julian remarked,

"What if someone targets ya and blows yer damn brains out, Claudi..." Lorcan suggested,

"So is this like a family meeting or a departure or... " Lorcan opened the door, Finn rushing to her side, hugging her as Isaiah walked over,

"You look good,"

"Thanks, Is, " she smiled, hugging Finn back,

"Missed me that much huh..." her head on his shoulder,

"You two lovebirds make me fuckin sick." Arthur walked by them as Johnny Dog. And Virginia laughed,

"They're in love." Ada smiled,

"We're just friends!" Claudette's cheeks were dark pink, and Finn's freckles had a red glow to him,

"What she said."

"Anyways... we got a surprise for ya, Right Tommy?" Lorcan said, smoking his cigarette,

"Is it Whiskey..." she asked, "Or another mission or money or-"

"Claudette, shut up and let Tommy speak." Virginia rolled her eyes as Bernadette sighed,

"Thomas, continue."

"Ms. Dupont, the watch.." he then looked at his brother, Arthur, "Arthur, you go get the other thing..." Bernadette stood by Tommy as Claudette looked surprised and nervous, hoping she didn't do anything wrong,

"I can't fuckin find it, Tommy!"

"Behind the bar..." he shook his head. Finn, Isaiah, Julian, and Lorcan had all been by Tommy's side, making Claudette feel small than she looked,

"Found it."

"Probably fuckin placed it back there..." Julian mumbled,

"I heard that. You fucking idiot..." he grumbled,

"Alright, Tommy, I got it." Arthur walked over,

"What's going on..." Claudette questioned,

"Ms. Dupont, Virginia, would you two do the honours." clipping the pocketwatch to her waistcoat, Virginia was teary-eyed,

"You've grown up to be an amazing young woman. I wish I could be as courageous as you," Virginia smiled, putting the watch in her hand as Bernadette finished clipping it to her,

" I ain't really good at speeches, but," Arthur smiled, "This little lady has been a pain in our asses since she ripped the streets of Birmingham off and had her first taste of Gin at 12 years old." he sniffled, "She's been nothing but the right kind of trouble, always askin about gettin a fuckin hat, being the one kid who's ever loved the Peaky name, and saw it as anything but a curse, and for that... Claudette Hilda, Welcome to The Peaky Fuckin Blinders. You finally got that damn hat you wanted."

Tommy took the hat putting it on her head, as her eyes watered a little, "I won't let you down, Tommy..." she then looked at Bernadette and Virginia with a big grin on her face, wishing Eleanor could have seen her, a shadow the front of The Garrison,

"Claudette, since you're a Peaky, I think it's time you see where we keep the good stuff," Finn said. Claudette took his hand, "What if they notice we're gone?" she glanced, "Everyone except maybe Tommy is drunk," Finn laughed, "Never really seen him drunk, actually," he mumbled, pulling Claudette into the room, cases of every illegally made type of alcohol were in that room, it was heaven for the cops and hell for any gangster if ever caught with it, she was in heaven, "The Pearl has... had a bigger supply..." she winked as Finn laughed, "Yeah well all this is ours," spinning her around as she laughed, he loved her laughter, it always brought a kind of joy to him when he heard it, the bubbling sensation in his stomach as his heart beat faster, that was the feeling Finn craved on nights that were spent with prostitutes or empty lovers, yet Claudette was always there, "Hi..." she said pent up against the wall between Tommy's Gin,

"The moon looks beautiful on your skin," Finn smiled,

"You'd look beautiful on my skin," she gasped,

"I'm so sorry ... did I just-"

"Mhmm," tilting her chin, his eyes on her lips as she became flustered, "Kiss me..." Claudette's knees nearly gave out from under her as he kissed her, the taste of tobacco and Gin on his breath. He smelled like Tommy's cologne, but that did matter. Biting her lip. Finn was pleased with the squeak that left her mouth. This was the big lead. Pulling her closer to him, he grabbed her by the waist as she grabbed him by his suit jacket,

"We're not just friends, and you know it..." Finn said, pulling away from Claudette as she was panting, wanting more from him,

"Finn..."

"If you don't love me, say it..." he kissed her neck as she laughed, Finn!" Claudette laughed. Finn then bit her neck as she closed her eyes, "Damn you, you Shelby..." she bit her lip,

"Say you don't love me, angel,"

CLICK!

The bright bulb nearly blinded the two as Tommy sighed. He wasn't surprised. After all, this hadn't been the first he'd walked in on these types of things,

"We were just, uh..."

"Claudette, sweetheart. Friends don't go off to an abandoned room alone to snog,"

"What about you and your women friends..." Tommy laughed, "They fuck," Finn said, as Claudette smirked, "Out fucking now!" Tommy pointed to Finn as Claudette mouthed sorry to Tommy, "You're a French trotter, and he's like Stallion, so be careful." he looked at Claudette as she nodded.

1929 Arrowhouse

1929 was the year of a blooming new decade, the year that Tommy and Eleanor could feel their lives changing for the worst. Tommy had to deal with the stock market crash and Michael, who brought his wife and ideas back from America to England. Eleanor and her family were starting to get threats by those who once admired their businesses. She had political campaigns to attend to sit and look pretty, while Tommy had to sit and scheme and stew in the frustration that was politics, and

"Mr. Mosley..."

"Ah yes... if it isn't Carlton Barlow... the black from America... didn't think Thomas would have the likes of your kind here."

"You'd be surprised, what people allow, Mosley, was it?"Carlton asked, "Tell me where you stand on the issues of The Red Scare..." he asked him as his eyes trailed over to something else, a dark blue gown with white beading like peacock feathers was seen from across the room as the big white feather covered the wearers face, he had remembered Tommy telling him that every woman except his wife and the swan were off limits, but Mosley believed that he had laid eyes on God's very own pearl,

"Oh, Thomas, this fine man here has a question for us." Carlton looked at the man, almost startled by his presence and looks. He could understand why Eleanor was very much still in love with him. He would be, too, if a man like Thomas Shelby showed interest in her,

"The names Carl-"

"Carlton Barlow heard a lot about you," Tommy nodded, "This here is my wife, Lizzie, "

"Pleasure to meet you. I assume your travels here weren't too bad?" Lizzie asked as Carlton laughed, "They were just fine, a little peckish at times, but" his wrist a bit limp as Mosley took notice, "Everything was fine, "

"So tell me, how do you feel about the rights of homosexual's should they even have rights, Mr. Barlow." switching the subject to gain attention, "I think it's no one's business what anyone does in their own homes, Oswald." his face heating up,

"I see, and your thoughts Mr. Shelby..." Tommy's eyes locked with what he thought was a ghost, black waves in her hair as her brown skin complimented the dress. Beading adorning her back, he had to know if she were real or if it just was another trick of the mind like his seeing Grace was. His eyes followed her movement. Trying not to lose her in the crowd, but how could he when she was dressed better than the family hosting,

"Tommy..."

"We need an answer, Thomas,"

"Excuse me," he walked off, Lizzie's eyes catching where his gaze went as she sighed, shaking her head.

"Eleanor, is that you?" Polly asked as she turned to face her.

"Ms. Gray, a pleasure to see you, and might I say you look radiant." she smiled as Polly hugged her, "Please, dear, you call me aunt Polly," Eleanor hugged her back, "I'm sorry aunt Polly," pulling away as she watched her light a cigarette,

"How've things been?"

"Oh horrible, they've changed for the worse, people acting more like animals than the boys do," she shrugged, downing a glass of whiskey,

"What about you, love. Have you seen-"

"Sorry to interrupt you, ladies," Eleanor turned to see Thomas standing behind her. The dress was a perfect fit. And it complimented him well,

"Mind if I steal her for a moment?" Thomas asked,

"Steal... I prefer the term borrow, Mr. Shelby?"Eleanor smiled up at him as she took him by the hand. Polly stood back and smoked her cigarette, and watched the show unfold.

"Why do we always meet at dances... is it because our life is a dance?" Tommy pulled her close by her waist, "You've changed," he mentioned having her in the middle of everyone dancing, "And so it seems you have too." swaying with the rhythm, this was where she was supposed to be, and yet this time something still didn't feel right, was it the timing, or her emotions that she tried to push deep down for him bubbling to the surface,

"How're things in the states..."

"About the same as here but shitty, with shitty accents." Eleanor joked, "And how were things here while I was gone,"

"Shitty, but with the same shitty accents." he smiled at her as she laughed, "Same Tommy Shelby, eh," Eleanor commented as he spun her around, Lizzie had been dancing not too far away with Mosley, who wanted to bring up their past, but her eyes were strictly on Tommy, she knew she couldn't compete for Tommy's love, but Lizzie would try anything to keep her family together, yet from afar Tommy looked happier than she'd ever seen him,

"Tommy... it's an Emergency outside..." Ada said as Virginia wasn't too far from her. That aggravated groan she had missed so much,

"Do you need help..." she asked Tommy, as Tommy glanced at her. Outside the mansion there was a pretty drunk Arthur and a very pissed-off Linda, with Polly trying to deescalate the situation,

"YOU RUINED MY LIFE, DAMN, YOU ALL TO HELL!"

"Linda put the gun down..." Tommy sighed as Ada stood next to Virginia, who gave Eleanor a wink,

"Linda, can't you come back and do this on a Tuesday..." Julian asked as she pointed the gun at him,

"You're a monster. You're all monsters!"

BANG!

Rushing her to the dining room table, Lizzie ran in along with Carlton and Mosley, "Who the fuck are you..." Arthur pointed towards Eleanor, "The woman who can help save your wife," she then ushered Lizzie over,

"You ever taken a bullet out before?"

"No,"

"I have." Ada glanced over her, wondering who this woman was, especially if she was standing next to Tommy, "Lizzie try to keep her head propped up, Virginia, stop drinking the fucking WHISKEY!" she groaned,

"Tommy!"

"Already on it, darling..."

"Eleanor, sweetheart, what's going on. You're scaring me..." grabbing her by the arm, she pulled her gun on him, "I'm so sorry, " she walked out the room as Carlton followed,

"Eleanor... That's not the real you, is it..." he gulped, "What's really going on. Who are you really" she sighed, "The penthouse we lived in, you fucked in. Paid off by drug money. Darling, the cocaine Walter snorts I provide, the horses we visited on public outings together, race horses for races I know how to fix." she laughed, "So, to put it plainly, Carlton Barlow, I'm a gangster, and this is the real fucking me, now are you going to be squeamish or will you fucking help!"

She rushed back in, taking her gloves off, "Here, she can use it as a tourniquet." Eleanor smiled, "Are you sure?" Ada asked as Virginia laughed,

"Clothes mean nothing to my sister,"

"Lizzie, would you do the honours?" Eleanor asked, handing her the silk glove from off her arms. Giving her a nod, Lizzie tied them around Linda's arm,

"Lorcan, Julian, take her upstairs, " they both nodded at Tommy, all that stress in his eyes as Eleanor only looked at him from across the table, "Everyone out..." Polly ushered cigarette in hand,

"You too, Lizzie..."

"We should get back to the celebrating of political minds that will look at Carlton and me as if we don't belong, well he doesn't, and now he knows too much and-" Tommy kissed her, a fire behind it, Eleanor pulled away, her hand on his chest as he held it there,

"Tommy, I shouldn't...But I want to," she sighed,

"He doesn't treat you the way I did, eh sweetheart,"

"Tommy, you sent me my aunt's ring in the post..." she laughed, "You're kissing me when your wife is out there, and..." her eyes trailed to his lips,

"I'm engaged to be married,"

"To the man who could give a shit about being with a woman,"

"How did you..."

"I do my research, just like you have a racehorse named Tommy. Not to mention he's out there fucking dancing with the fan I gave you," he winked at her as she pushed him playfully, "So Charlie didn't pick the dress out. You, sir, are a pain in my ass." she grumbled as Tommy looked at her, "You confuse me, yet if only you understood what it was that you do to me." looking into his clear water blue eyes,

"Why do you think I sent the ring..."

"Thomas... I love you, but I'm not yours..." the train of her dress trailed behind her as Mosley walked in, taking a quick whiff of her scent.

"Didn't think women of your... race could afford such lavish... fragrances,"

"I didn't think God could make such an asshole..." ignoring his gaze on her figure, "Carlton, let's go..." holding his hand,

London

The Connolly Mansion

It was now three weeks after the events of Arrowhouse and. The mansion had felt empty to Eleanor, not because it obviously was but because the laughter in it that was her father Louis was gone. Passing the pictures in his old study. She began to remember the memories of each photo, some from when they were in France. There was one with her aunt Vadoma, her mother, Leslie, and her father all posed in front of a Caravan,

"Couldn't sleep?" Bernadette asked,

"I was getting some early paperwork done for Carlton. He doesn't understand a single thing about his campaign. Also, he won't talk to me," she laughed, "Something to do with being the sinners he was warned about," she rolled her eyes,

"He'll come around, and in due time you'll learn to love each other," Bernadette smiled, "Just about as much as I loved your father," she took a deep breath,

"He can't love me..."

"Oh, Carlton, I know. I was talking about Thomas. Don't think I haven't noticed how you look at him," she watched her daughter sit down, reading into his political campaign.

"He's married,

"So was Vadoma, but it didn't stop her from seeing Elizabeth Gray," she smirked as Eleanor pieced it together,

"You see, fate seeks what it wishes to find, so what do you wish it to find."

"The truth..." Eleanor nodded, "A purpose to this madness, the reason money is missing. I don't mean from the crash. We can recover from that on a horrible night," she shrugged. Eleanor had only been back for two years total, and still, she never missed a beat with the business,

"We can trace the funds, I can meet with Tommy, and-"

CLASH!

The sounds of glass smashing from downstairs were heard, hitting the top of the left drawer. Eleanor took her father's hidden gun out as she raced downstairs, "Virginia, fucking stop it, it's not that damn serious..."

"Ada's pregnant... Jul's," she laughed. Her hair was ruffled up, and her clothes frumpy on her,

"I love her... I would... Would I'd give up everythin... to fuckin marry her, " she laughed harder,

"Ginia..."

"Juls fuckin listen to me!" she growled, "I'd give up everything for that woman, the whoring, the smoking, I'd give up my life for Ada, YOU TELL ARTHUR FUCKING SHELBY THAT HUH!" she turned her face, Eleanor dropped her gun, the blood on it making her heart shatter, "You tell the damn coppers an... and the-"

"Who did that to her..."

"Nora, just a few asshole nobodies..."

"Julian Shelby, who did that to her,"

"Nora, don't..."

"Do you want me to shoot you?"

"Alright, it was The Billy Boys, the same men who killed Aberama's son." he heard footsteps trailing back upstairs,

"You can't fight them, Nora..."

"I had to wake up to fucking burning crosses at night in America. I can handle a group of fascists who nearly beat my sister into a fucking pulp!"

"I'll phone Tommy for backup. God knows he'd burn the world down if something happened to you." he mumbled, "He'd what..." she stopped walking,

"Burn it to hell, he would..."

"I'd do that for Ada..." reaching for the cocaine in Julian's coat pocket, snorting the remainder that he had left,

"I'll replace it by tomorrow..." she grumbled,

"Oh, and Julian..."

"Yeah..."

"If you're gonna call Tommy, tell him to meet me at The Pearl in an hour."

"Nora, I don't fuckin work for ya,"

" Just fucking do it, Jules!" she sighed,

"Esmeralda, could you gather my papers," the young maid nodded, "Of course,"

"What am I supposed to do,"

"Call Thomas!" she ran upstairs, passing her mother, "Where are you going."

"To put the fate of the future in my own hands."

The Pearl

"We could get caught," Claudette laughed, standing on the stage, "Seems we always do, so fuck it." Finn winked, lighting his cigarette. She'd never seen the club at this angle in her 20 years of living. She could see why Eleanor had loved to sing on it all those years ago, "How's it feel..."

"Costumes a bit itchy, but... I can see us ownin one of these bad boys... Sex, drugs, booze, and all the jazz in the world." she laughed, "No one could tell us no, well maybe except for Tommy, but," she sighed,

"I couldn't own a thing like this..."

"And why not. You can plan a hit, shoot any target,"

"'Ave you ever heard me sing," Claudette laughed, her waved hair reflecting the stage lights,

"No," he lied, "But enlighten me." sitting back in the booth, taking a deep breath, Claudette opened her mouth and sang the first song that came to her mind,

" I wanna be loved by you, just you," she swayed on the stage, a smile on Finn's face as he admired her beauty,

"I wanna kissed by you, just you. Nobody else but you." waving for one of the waitresses who was still there, she poured him a glass of Gin and sat it on the table. Claudette watched how he eyed her as if he'd have his way with her on the table. Stepping off the stage, she remembered a trick that had always seemed to work,

" I couldn't aspire to anything higher than, filled with desire to make you my own!" she sat in Finn's lap, kissing the corner of his mouth as she took his cigarette, and smoked it, red lipstick tinting the top of it as he smirked, pulling her closer, he couldn't deny that he didn't love her,

"Will you Marr-"

"Finn..."

"Claudette..."

"We know, we know out..." She groaned, "At least go upstairs... if you're gonna fuck," Eleanor grumbled. Claudette rolled her eyes, "You're just mad 'cause you don't get any..." the glare her sister shot her could send chills through the dead as she went behind the stage towards her office,

"What's gotten into her knickers..."

"Definitely not Tommy." Finn laughed, flinching when he felt a hand smack him in the back of his head. Claudette laughed as Tommy looked at the two, a smile in his eyes that only Claudette could see.

"Where's she..."

"Office."

Eleanor took a deep breath as if she were singing. There was so much on her mind she needed to cover, but first, it had to be business, "You called..." she nodded,

"Well, Julian called, and I was doing some campaign work for Carlton, though he's in a hotel, phones his sister," she sighed. Tommy poured her a glass of whiskey on the bar, handing her the cup, "The point, dear," he glanced at her, pulling out his glasses as she nearly stuttered,

"Point is the stock market crashed. This is the perfect time to conjoin our businesses," Thomas looked at her, "What can you offer me that Michael couldn't..." sitting on her desk, her legs crossed, she looked at Tommy. The two took a quick glance at each other,

"75% of the Black Pearl Company, you'd be like the chief of staff, considering you're a businessman yourself," rolling his cigarette on his lips as he lit it,

"How would that benefit me, sweetheart..." looking up at her, her eyes catching the dim lighting in her eyes, but yet behind them was pain, a highly unshakeable pain, "How wouldn't it. We are one of the highest crime families here in London. We provide top tire textiles, drugs, women, booze, gambling, and entertainment, not to mention our exports..." she smirked, "We're getting morphine and heroin, discreetly packaged,"

"Eleanor... "

"What more can I say, your connection for opium and our connections here, we'd be richer than the fucking king." she smiled,

"Eleanor, darling,"

"I get it if it's a bad idea, and of course, I'd have to talk to your Board of Directors." sipping her glass of whiskey, "I don't mind. I'll get through to them all. They'll see it as I do, and-"

"We'll have a fucking empire, my love. You are a genius," he smiled wholeheartedly, her heart melting at his smile. Kissing her hand, he helped her off her desk,

"How fast can you be at The Garrison tomorrow."

"I can pack a quick bag and stay in a hotel, an-" she thought, "You know what, it's my business proposal, the least I can do is welcome your family to my home," she nodded,

"I'll get meself a hotel and-"

"You will stay with me as my guest. Julian is already there, probably drunk on the floor and not to mention Finn and Claudette and their other friend-"

"Then why the hell are we still here," Tommy joked as she rolled her eyes, "Patience Thomas Shelby," the hairs on his neck standing from the way she said his name. He hadn't felt that way in a long time, except for maybe Grace, who became more of a ghost to him than the lover he once remembered. Hitting the back of the door, both she and Tommy heard an abrupt ouch,

"You'd think they'd stop doing that by now."

The Connolly Mansion

Claudette sighed as she sat in the study, melancholy taking over. Staring at the pictures brought her joy, in a way, comfort. That everything broken could still be fixed. In front of her was a picture of Leslie, Vadoma, Bernadette, Andre, Eleanor, and Virginia, but in Vadoma's arms was a baby that she held as her own, looking at the year it was 1908, the year she was born, but why was she holding her instead of-

"Sweetheart..." Finn knocked,

"Yes, handsome?" she asked, looking up at Finn, who had the biggest grin on his face, "Isaiah and I are gonna go look for some trouble before the rest get here. You wanna come?" he asked,

"What kind of trouble are we talking about?"

"Booze, some whoring maybe..." he smirked as Claudette sighed again, this one a bit worrying. He could see her face turn into concern and jealousy,

"What's wrong..."

"I thought maybe... tonight I'd be the only whore you'd need, but..." she looked away from him,

"Risk your chances, I guess." she laughed, "You know... I love you. I try so hard to excuse everything you do. Because I do everything but whore around because I don't want anyone else to make me feel good but you," Claudette stood up as Finn kept his gaze on her. She was right. Lately, he hadn't been giving her the attention she needed and should've, but here she was in front of him,

"Aye, Finn, you coming," Isaiah asked,

"Go without me," Finn smirked,

"You sure?"

"I got something to take care of,"

Downstairs there sat a sobering Virginia, who had still been sulking about a love that could never happen. "Ya know Tommy, can I call ya Tommy, fuck it, Tommy, there comes a time in ones life where you realize, you don't wanna keep diving in the streets to be under the arms of anyone, ya wanna settle down an- and be with that one person raise a family with that one person..." Tommy took a drag of his cigarette, nodding to what she had to say in her semi-drunken state of mind, "Fuck it have an empire with that person... cause none of this?" she leaned in, pointing at everything in the living room, "Means shit without love, not any love true pure love, like in those Disney toon thingys." Virginia laughed, rolling over, hitting the floor,

"Get my drift?" she laughed harder, "Dropped my joint!"

"I see your point..." he nodded, sitting there thinking about the times he and Eleanor shared together,

Eleanor brought the good out of him. Her smile alone could brighten up his day, but their witty banter was always his favorite like he could be himself around her,

"Of course, I was talking about Ada and I... But take my words... and he's gone..."

Eleanor sat in an oversized sweater by her window as she heard raindrops fall against her window. She could only hope that his family would arrive safely. Watching the drops come into one another, footsteps by her bedroom as she shrugged it off,

"You know rain means unhappiness..." Eleanor kept her gaze at the window,

"Odd, I was told rain means many things..."

"What does it mean, Mr. Shelby?' turning to face him, her curls looming over the side of her face, "The first kiss of a first love, melancholy, lost lovers?" he mentioned walking in, taking sight of the portrait of herself on the wall, if only they knew each other during the war,

"You're starting to sound like." she faced him,

"I haven't noticed, " he charmingly smiled, "By the way, is that my jumper,"

"It helps me sleep, " Eleanor shrugged, "Couldn't sleep with dear ol Carlton, eh," showing him her hand, the ring that was once there was gone. Tommy, on the outside, had shown empathy. But, inside, he was happy she was a freed woman. "Sorry about your engagement.."

"He came from a family of assholes and deserved to be free from me." she laughed a little. Although she didn't want to marry him, it still hurt that he left her, that at that very moment, he was in a hotel room leaving to go back to America.

" Elle..."

"I mean, who would ever love a monster like me..." she looked out the window, tears blending with the raindrops, "Who would want to say, Eleanor Vadoma Williams, will you marry me," she sniffled,

"Elle,"

"Instead, his sister and mother nearly tried to kill me!-" her breathing began to get heavy, "My father died, I wasn't there. My brother faked his own fucking death. I wasn't there!!!" her hands in her hair, shaking her head furiously, Tommy rushed over to her, scooping her in his arms as "Hey, hey, hey it's alright I got you, love," Tommy kissed her on the crown of her head,

"Tommy, you don't understand... I'm not strong like you..." her body shaking as he sat her in his lap, her head resting on his legs,

"Can I tell you something," Eleanor looked up at him, "Tell me what..."

"You're stronger than I could ever be. You are a force not to fuck with. I'm just a scared little boy still out there on that fuckin battlefield thinkin a medal, a gun makes me a fuckin man, and it doesn't, Ellie, it doesn't." he laughed as she listened to him, "I'm runnin from death, you probably laugh in his face."

"Tommy..."

"You're right. It was a coward move of me to not come to see you. Or ask to marry you, but I was scared I would fuck up the one good thing in my life." he sighed. Eleanor looked up at him as her hand touched his cheek, a tear rolling down his face,

"What about Lizzie or Grace. She's an amazing woman, and Grace, you loved so-" Tommy kissed her hand, then up her arm as he eventually reached her lips. Pulling him down, Eleanor flipped him over, pulling away from him, "You are the first thing on me mind, the last thought before sleep, and the truest love." Tommy said, moving her hair to the side as he pulled her back down, kissing her neck as she moaned,

"So you like me?" Tommy flipped her over again. Tommy rolled his eyes as he kissed her again, a bit more passionately than they had ever kissed. Her lips had a lingering taste of his Gin, while Tommy had a taste of her wine and cigarettes on them. Eleanor tangled her fingers in his hair as her leg was over his waist. Biting her bottom lip, he heard another moan escape from her mouth, nearly driving him crazy. Both of their tongues had been knocking into each other like waves on a ship as the heat between them only became hotter,

"You tell me..."

"Ms. Williams, your guest arrived-" Esmeralda blushed, "I'm sorry I-"

"No need, it's okay... See to it that they have drinks if you please," she blushed hard, "Tommy, you should go and uh... mmm," she stood up as her knees went a bit weak,

"I'll be downstairs." he fixed himself up,

"Oh, and Elle..."

"Yes, Tommy,"

"Did that kiss answer your question?" she gave him a nod as she got dressed, a pair of knickers, Tommy's sweater, and her oxfords, tussling her hair a bit,

"Nice fuckin house..." Arthur looked around. There were portraits and crushed velvet drapes, and art deco sculptures with art nouveau in the mix of it,

"Oi Lorcan, Karl, put those down before you steal something and break something!" Ada shouted, her fur coat around her shoulders,

"May I get that for you..." Virginia offered as Bernadette watched from the shadows, "You may..." a cold shoulder towards her as Virginia nodded,

"What's gotten into them?" Claudette asked, her hair disheveled, " I wouldn't know," he nuzzled into her neck as she giggled,

Last but not least was "Polly Gray..." Bernadette crept out of the shadows, "Bernadette Connolly..." she gave her a hug,

"I assume your daughter threw this meeting together?"

"I would assume so," she shrugged as Polly gave her a cigarette,

"How have you been..."

"Alone, you know, it feels like something is missing," Bernadette sighed, "I know he died years ago, but he died a broken man." she sighed,

"He died with only me by his side, not his children..." Polly hugged her tightly, "I don't want that for Ellie..."

"You visited Vadoma, didn't ya."

"What gave it away,"

"Everything."

"Do we really have to go to this shit Michael..." Claudette nearly groaned at the sight of her as Finn shook his head, "Yes, Gina, we do. Let's hear what Bullshit comes out his mouth and go from there..." Michael said, holding his wife's hand, " Look what the cat dragged in... a wet skank, I mean Yank." she heard a few laughs from her comment,

"Oh, sweetie, maybe when you mature, you can own a house like this one."

"Gina darling, this is my house..." Finn pointed towards the portrait of her on the wall, "And Michael staying out of jail?"

"Claudette..." he looked at her, his eyes not leaving hers, "See something you like, Michael..." Finn glanced at him as he pulled her closer,

"I know it's late and storming, but."

"Tommy, why the fuck are we 'ere at fuckin 2am." Arthur grumbled, "Hear him out; it's not his fault," Eleanor said from the stairwell, "It's actually mine." she stated,

"Who the hell are you..." Michael asked as Gina nudged him, "That's fucking Eleanor Williams... " Gina blinked, "Owner of The Cell Block club in Manhattan, I own her records." Eleanor only laughed at the young girls' reaction. She could always appreciate a fan.

"If you would all please join me in the dining room, we can all get this meeting over with," walking down the steps as Thomas helped her. Arthur took another look at her as it hit him. She was the woman from the club those years ago and the same woman who'd been sending letters. Now, something was fishy with having half her family around his own.

"Ms. Williams, can I get you anything?"

"Tea would be great. For the table," she nodded as the maid went away, "Now, where was I," she stood up as Tommy watched, "For those of you who don't know, I am Eleanor Williams, Leader and CEO of The Black Pearl Oyster Company, my board of directors," she pointed towards Virginia and Bernadette, "To make things short I have an offer you can't refuse."

"You think you can offer Shelby limited some fuckin thin, huh," Arthur laughed, "With the market crashin and shit,"

"You must be Arthur... The treasurer is just the man I wanna talk to," she smirked, "But not just yet. I want to talk to the number cruncher of the company,"

"That would be me, Michael Shelby,"

"Mmm, the one who ran the numbers to shit... "

"I could cut your eyes out right here and now." Michael gritted his teeth at her response to him, "In 1922, Shelby Limited was up to 28% in Gin sales; and being that it sold for a year at my club, that brought us to 1 billion and half of it to 500,000,000 for The Shelby company," she then looked at Tommy as he nodded for her to continue, both Bernadette and Polly listening, "In the states, we shipped over 5.4 Million liters of Gin-"

"Those are great numbers, sweetheart, but what's that going to do for us," Gina asked, "I have a baby on the way and-"

"Mrs. Gray, how about you listen and don't fucking interrupt me," Virginia, Claudette, and Arthur looked away as Eleanor sighed, "Now, Tommy and I were talking and thought, with the need for heroin, morphine, and opium ever rising we'd give you 75% ownership of our companies, you all would become board members, Tommy Cheif of Staff, you'd have stocks with the company and access to the inventory, so Finn, Virginia, Dette, Juli go easy on it,"

"You think we'd partner up with you so you can take down our fucking business, and a woman like yourself at that," Michael scoffed, "Tommy would have to be fucking stupid to go through with this. It's best if you all keep in your place, Gina. We're leaving-"

Bernadette hit her first on the table, startling everyone. The fire in her eyes rose as she looked at Michael, "If I had put a bullet in everyone who took a potshot at this company for not keeping in our place..." Bernadette laughed, "The entire shithole of a world would be littered with the bodies of dead pricks like you."

"That's the Bernadette I remember," Polly grinned, "As the chairman of the company, I say, what have we got to lose."

"An awful lot Pol..." Arthur said, "Ow, do we know we can trust em..."

"You trust Virginia enough, be around Ada..." Eleanor stated, "You trusted Claudette to make her a Peaky. We, Williams, are Loyal. We are who you want to have in your pocket, just like you, Shelby's are,"

"Now, have we got a deal."

"Darling..." Tommy looked over at her, "Are you sure about this,"

"More than rain." she looked into his eyes, the two in lovestruck bliss. They'd never seen Tommy like this before, and if they had, they couldn't remember,

"Then, by Order of The Peaky Blinders, you have an alliance." he smiled,

"Welcome to the family," Eleanor smiled,

"Wait..." Finn said, standing up, "There's something I want to say..."

"Spit it out, Finn boy," Julian said,

"Claudette and I are getting married."

Eleanor nearly choked on her tea as Tommy blinked,

"We're in love..." Claudette smiled, "It's only right,"

#peaky blinders #peakyocs #peaky blinders oc #peaky blinder fanfic #oc #oc x thomas shelby #oc x canon #decade: 1920s #New Chapter #fanfiction #poc ocs #poc writer #Eleanor williams #i hope you like it

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