chaosslibrarian

[chaosslibrarian]

just a reminder to COMPLETELY boycott Eurovision this year; Azerbaijan and Israel, despite committing genocide, are STILL allowed to compete & have NOT been banned. by refusing to ban both countries, Eurovision is profiting off of the genocide of Palestinians and Armenians.

do not listen to the artists. do not pirate or stream the artists' music, and this applies to ALL the artists who are competing and performing this year. do not listen to the songs on ANY platform, do not give them ANY attention.

write to your broadcasters and tell them you REFUSE to watch the channels until they recognise the Armenian and Palestinian genocides & that you find it disgusting how they are allowing Eurovision despite Azerbaijan and Israel's entries.

do NOT give eurovision OR the competing artists ANYTHING but silence.

boycott ALL of eurovision.

[chaosslibrarian]

cinematic masterpiece™

[chaosslibrarian]

Had my first appointment to become a mom. It was a dud because of miscommunication LOL

But I called and wanted this appointment, mentioned about my IUD being a little bitch & they assumed I wanted it out at this appointment and only that.

So I had to make a new appointment for next week lol. But it sounds promising and like it’ll happen.

Likeeeee she asked me “do you want to do it now” and my autistic self panicked bc I had my head set on next year bc it’ll take a while 😂 but we got there eventually.

I guess at the next appointment I’ll be put on the wait list for “high risk” patients because of my autism and stuff. And with summer + general wait periods I expected that to be happening like… early next year or smth? Idk.

But freaky that it’s happening. I’ve been looking at stuff more seriously now and I’m both excited and scared. Scared in a good way though.

[chaosslibrarian]

me after reading harrow the ninth, trying to work out what the fuck i just read because I'm fucking stupid:

[chaosslibrarian]

"You sent me out there to kill a baby and open those doors. Whose baby didn’t matter on my end. Do you know, I gave that thing a nickname, my whole pregnancy? I used to call it Bomb.”

Wake: me!

Photo: @wyyrdplayy w/ fog machine assist by @cassylvan

[chaosslibrarian]

[Image ID: Feels Guy Cycle Meme

Top of cycle is "Needs routine"

Second cycle reads "Work gives routine"

Third cycle reads "Autistic burnout from working"

Last cycle reads "Takes break to recover"

End ID]

[chaosslibrarian]

It’s pretty funny how “slow readers” are always ~defending themselves~ against fast readers who don’t give a damn, but the slow readers find any opportunity to insult fast readers. Fast readers are focusing on their own reading, and slow readers have an imagined beef with them because something makes them feel inferior when it’s just… a preference??

I’ve read 32-36 books this year (the range is because I haven’t counted some books for various reasons) and and DNF’d like 40 books lol. In 2023 I read 119 books, in 2022 I read 135, and in 2021 I tracked from May and read 85 books.

So I’ve read 371 books in 3 years. Want me to tell you the books that transformed me? SURE! Because reading fast doesn’t mean I don’t get anything out of it!

List:

Kim Jiyoung born 1982 by Cho Nam-Joo

Everything I never told you by Celeste Ng

Small Pleasures by Clare Chambers

Prosper’s Demon by KJ Parker

The People We Keep by Allison Larkin

Convenience store woman by Sayaka Murata

Piranesi by Suanna Clarke

The Fifth Season by N.K Jemisin

How High We Go in the Dark by Sequioa Nagamatsu

Autisterna by Clara Törnvall

Once There Were Wolves by Charlotte McChonaghy

Black Sun by Rebecca Roanhorse

Kindred by Octavia E. Butler

Freshwater by Akwaeke Emezi

A Closed and Common Orbit by Becky Chambers

Our Wives Under the Sea by Julia Armfield

Annihilation by Jeff VanderMeer

Assembly by Natasha Brown

The Harpy by Megan Hunter

Pandora’s Jar by Natalie Haynes

I’m Glad by Mom Died by Jeanette McCurdy

The End of Everything by Katie Mack

Act Your Age Eve Brown by Talia Hibbert

The Yellow Wall-Paper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman

Blood Feast by Malika Moustadraf

The Once and Future Sex by Eleanor Janega

Bride of the Sea by Eman Quotah

Walking Practice by Dolki Min

The Wall by Marlen Haushofer

Batten by Sara Gordan

The Locked Tomb by Tamsyn Muir

White is for Witching by Helen Oyeyemi

In Defence of Witches by Mona Chollet

To Be Taught if Fortunate by Becky Chambers

Notes on an Execution by Danya Kukafka

Small Details by Adania Shibli

A woman is no man by Etaf Rum

The Blueprint by Rae Giana Rashad

The Jasad Heir by Sara Hashem

[chaosslibrarian]

Nah. I know what works for me. I’ll never finish a book if I don’t have the goal in mind. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the experience of it or fully experience it. And not every book is meant to “rip [your mind] into pieces.”

IT IS OKAY to just read books because it’s fun and you enjoy it. It doesn’t have to be a transformative experience, and especially not every single book you read. This was the belief I had in my early 20s and I ended up reading like 1-2 books a year, despite loving reading, because the expectations were way too high.

Some books will shake you to your core. Some books will be a fun experience. Some books will be a terrible time.

Should we think about the books we’re consuming? Yes! And often times you get those thoughts by reading MORE books. You get it from experience with books. There’s definitely a discussion to be had about overconsumption and the imprints that are making money off of under-edited and fast-produced books… but the people who start there are at least reading SOMETHING and maybe it unlocks the joy of reading.

Basically: read how you like reading. I like reading 3-10 books at once, and the idea of ticking off another book helps motivate me.

How about in 2024 we stop it with reading books with the goal in mind to finish the book so you can add it to your list of read books and start reading books slowly and intentionally with the goal to rip it into pieces with your mind and be touched by it and formed by it and changed by it

[chaosslibrarian]

the thing with the tiktok girlhood barbie movie eras tour feminism is the back of my mind constantly being like. i wonder what all of you were saying about amber heard in 2022

[chaosslibrarian]

The best thing about being diagnosed autistic now and unmasking is the stimming. Like I get overwhelmed/overstimulated and/or don’t know what to do? Stim! Do I get a sudden burst of joy? Stim! If I need to displace some energy I can stim and not get completely out of my head or angry.

Stimming is great

[chaosslibrarian]

Bridgerton | The Choice (2.06)

[chaosslibrarian]

I’m so sorry but in the nicest way possible do yall actually read books or just read words??? Cause I’ve been seeing that trend of people not understanding how “snarled” and “eyes darkened” and “eyes softened” etc. was used in a book and like…

Genuinely, do yall just not have imagination?? Or not understand figurative language??? Also eyes do literally darken and soften have you not lived a life??? How do you read with no imagination? Is this how you get through so many books in one month - you simply don’t take the time the understand the words as they are read?

[chaosslibrarian]

how many times do we have to say "acting like an autistic character wouldnt know about sex is weird" until it actually sinks in and people stop saying autistic characters wouldnt know about sex

[chaosslibrarian]

Me Fr 😔💔

[chaosslibrarian]

i hate it when i cant even write a poem about something because its too obvious. like in the airbnb i was at i guess it used to be a kids room cause you could see the imprint of one little glow in the dark star that had been missed and painted over in landlord white. like that’s a poem already what’s the point

[chaosslibrarian]

I love you all, you’ve done nothing wrong. But I’m begging you. The “kiri” in Kiriona is not pronounced like Siri on your phone. Kiriona is legit just how someone speaking te reo Māori would pronounce “Gideon”. You roll the R a little bit and it should sound a lot more like “Kee-dee-oh-nah” sorry idk how to properly write out phonetics but you get it

[chaosslibrarian]

Here’s the thing: you can never convince a single person that you are ready to have a child. You can never be ready or fully prepared for a child. By some stroke of luck you may end up with the exact child you thought you’d have and everything you prepared for came to be. But what’s more likely to happen is you give birth to a stranger that is totally dependent on you and they cannot communicate their needs or wants in any effective way and you need to figure out who this person is and what their communication means while constantly dodging the curveballs of development.

What I know about preparing for a child and being ready is basically that I’m ready to set my needs aside and humble myself to figure out this totally unique new being. Even that I can only say I’m ready for in theory, and I will be honest and say a part of it is that I’m tired of myself and only taking care of myself. Where’s the challenge?

I can’t convince anyone I’m ready because I feel the belief of being ready is a sign of… not being ready. And at some point, if you want to have a child, you get to the point where you’re as ready as you can be. The perfect time won’t come, and you’ll have to decide if this is enough or it’s better not at all.