#i can’t lie to myself and act like I’m the same kind of person things Can get better for
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cocainecowgrrl · 4 months ago
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womp womp
#I’ve fucking ruined everything again. Cool cool#the only thing I have now is my job and if I actually try and get help which I probably need now I will lose that too#radical#I’m just fucking scared and alone with my thoughts here#all my support system is 900mi away#this is so fucking dumb but I miss my mom and I just want someone to tell me it’s going to be ok and that it will get better#it just never feels like anything gets better for me#I’m so so tired of making my life worse#I feel like such an abject failure and defective life form#like I’m fucking worthless below the fucking dirt#the only thing I’m good for is my job and my work and I can’t lose that either#i have a psych appointment on Friday and I’m fucking terrified they’re going to send me to the hospital#-_-#dumb shit yapping#I don’t think anyone is reading this I don’t really want to talk about anything though I am just venting to the wind#I can’t tell any of my irl friends this tho bc they’d be concerned#which rightfully so but I don’t want to burden them with that knowledge#I just do not know how much longer I can keep doing this and being alive#I kept crying on new years bc I was scared and I don’t think I can make it until 2026#and I just feel so fucking unfixable and defective that therapy and meds aren’t actually going to fix what’s wrong with me#it goes deeper I am inherently flawed and subhuman#there are a lot of core human moments in life that I just never will experience#i can’t lie to myself and act like I’m the same kind of person things Can get better for#I’ve always been like this#built differently built wrong#I’m gonna go take a nap and watch co09 again#not gonna do nothing just try and shut my brain off#last time I had a really bad mental breakdown though my mom took me to go get boba bc I couldn’t eat anything#and I know she’s my mom and she has to but like#It was just really comforting and touching in a way that I can’t do for myself
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aforanonymousaforaria · 3 months ago
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She was scary and temperamental, always judging and watching for the next secret to hold over someone’s head. She could never just be friends with someone, equals, she always had to have the upper hand. Outsmart them and make them feel small. That’s how I felt. I know it’s how Hanna felt. Tobey, Mona, all of us. Alison shrunk us down to size and then stepped on us. She was always stepping on us. I’m still here bitches, and I know everything. -A Even from beyond the grave, in death. Alison was screwing with us she was using us like puppets. Forcing us to commit awful acts or backing us into corners. She wanted to turn what remained of her friend group against each other. Wanted to turn the whole town against us. I should’ve known we wouldn’t have peace even if she was dead and buried properly. And it’s why I don’t feel anything when saying that there is no shortage of people who wanted Alison gone. People who’d pay good money or risk it all to make it happen. I would be a liar if I didn’t admit that sometimes I would lie awake at night hoping she fell off the face of the earth. I got what I wanted. But it wasn’t enough. I honestly can’t say if I was happy or disturbed by the news of her disappearance, maybe it was both. Maybe because I both envied and loathed Alison all while admiring and loving her I couldn’t quite place the emotions I felt. Some days I cried myself to sleep. I thought about how scared she must’ve been and how twisted you’d have to be to harm a girl so young. I thought about the kind of monster someone would have to be. But I thought even more about what awful thing Alison could’ve done to make someone so desperate as to do this. It could’ve been any number of things, any secret she levied against them, and from personal experience I know just how crushing the weight of an Alison DiLaurentis ultimatum could be. So yeah, a lot of people wanted Alison dead, I’m sure. She had tortured, tormented and bullied both her peers and elders alike into submission. The list was just too long and I’m certain even her own family made that list. And whoever had wanted her dead, now wanted to make us suffer as well. That first message, really made us think maybe Alison was alive and tormenting us for her own sick pleasure. She was known to pull an elaborate prank or two at our expense. But something told me it wasn’t Ali. But someone who knew all of the same dark secrets and truths about us and everyone else in town as her. Someone with Ali’s cunning and attitude but far more dangerous. Someone who wanted to take us all down, ruin our lives and possibly subject us to the same fate as Ali.
Pretty Little Liars
This is a soft reimagining of the series by the same name. It will be heavily book and show inspired but also canon divergent. The main story will remain intact with a major plot twist. It will also play out much like a tv series with a season long storyline that changes each season. We will accept OCs alongside the canon muses but please remember that our canons, especially the main PLL cast must be claimed before throwing in more OCs. We do hope you enjoy your stay here and please have fun!
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camifnoodles · 1 month ago
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hows 999 going
Ok ok ok so I’ve 100%ed it as far as I can tell so I hope you don’t mind me using this ask to do my full thought dump dfhshkd, I’ll put it under the cut bc idk how spoiler tags interact with ask format
I’ll split my thoughts up into the same categories that I do when I’m thinking about Barbie games (tho those aren’t not public anywhere rn lol): Gameplay, Story/Progression, Visuals, and Audio
There’s also a replay value section for the Barbie ones but I’m personally not really a visual novel “replayer” so it doesn’t really feel fair to be like “well I won’t likely replay it so.”
Gameplay
Dude, I LOVE escape rooms. In real life, online, physical games, video games, I can’t get enough of the stuff. If I’d known the main gameplay was straight up escape rooms (I was expecting smth more close to Ace Attorney I guess?) I’d have played it way earlier. Sorry story lovers I know the story is what hooks fans and I did care about the story too of course but I was also like “yes yes Akane collapsed again that’s very troubling when is the next escape room tho.”
The puzzles themselves were also a really satisfying difficulty level, I think. There’s been some irl escape rooms I’ve done where the difficulty was inflated in kind of bullshit ways, but I didn’t get arbitrarily stuck anywhere. And yet they were difficult enough that I was super proud that I was able to solve every part of this game with zero (haha zero) outside help!
I guess, with the exception of the final puzzle, the difficulty felt rather flat throughout? Like it doesn’t really get easier or harder at any point outside of bringing back concepts that you’d previously worked with. But I don't think that's a terrible thing. I thought it was silly (/lh) how deceptively simple said last puzzle was, while the player’s probably sitting there overthinking the whole thing (I certainly was for a bit).
As for the visual novel sections, that’s more story, but I REALLY appreciated being able to jump around and not replay the entire game at least 4 more times to get all the endings.
Story/Progression
I do still stand by my point that Junpei could have stood to be less immediately aggressive about everything, but I do think it was probably exacerbated by the English translation and English voice acting lol, and also circumstantially I can give it a bit of a pass.
I will not lie, my FIRST exposure to the series was watching my roommate’s bf play part of the middle of vlr (so I have a few spoilers going into that one) and being thrown in the middle with zero context I wrote it off as kind of a stupid series for a while until I properly tried it out myself lol. But I get it now! They really do just throw 9 of the weirdest geniuses you can find into situations, of course they all suddenly go on tangents like that.
ANYWAY. I think they do a pretty good job of having a strong setting and letting the details of it be uncovered as you play! There are plenty of games where either the situation is too mysterious to get invested, or they won’t stop throwing unnatural exposition at you, so I was relieved to have a good balance here lol.
Also I think the idea of incorporating the fact that the player already knows what happened in other routes they’ve already played as an actual factor in the story is a REALLY cool idea. I’d admittedly have liked for JUNPEI’S experiences with it to somehow pop up more clearly before you’ve triggered the true ending, so I hope they play around with it more in the sequels too.
As for critique, this may have been a me thing, but my biggest thing is that there was a huge disconnect between how much Junpei cared about Akane and how much I cared about the fact that he cared. Not like I didn’t like her—I loved her character and overall role as the true main character. But like, Junpei would be like “no… with these digital roots Akane and I can never be in the same group…” and I’d think “ok I feel like you’re making a bigger deal out of that than is necessary.” Idk, maybe they didn’t do a good enough job of selling me on their bond in the very beginning? Obviously Clover and Snake also were attached to each other so maybe Junpei’s inner monologue was just annoying about it lolol
To again clarify this has nothing to do with their characters. Either way imo it made the bad endings where she dies in your arms kind of fall flat because I definitely wasn’t invested in her in the… WAY that the game wanted me to be.
For the rest of the characters, Snake is still my guy that guy’s the GOAT, but I did like everyone! I was neutral on Ace which was kind of convenient, considering. Lotus was the one who grew on me the most I think. Kind of similar to the Junpei aggression thing, she really rubbed me the wrong way at first but the more I settled into the situation that they were in the more I understood where she was coming from. I forget if I said it before but her “realistic to the point of cruelty” was a great contrast to Akane’s “idealistic to the point of hindrance.”
Uhhh who else, I’m also pretty neutral on Santa ngl, Seven was also a GOAT. Clover’s narrative path was really interesting and I really like that so much of getting the true ending is helping her avoid completely drowning in her grief.
Also I think I read that Ace kills everyone in the endings where you’re stabbed? Even in the one where you see him already dead? Someone said that he was faking but. Idk it’s not really important enough to make a deal out of but that’s why I was like “who is this mysterious person?”
This is so all over the place but I’m not really good at having organized thoughts in less than 7 business days.
Visuals
I think the art is fun! The backgrounds are nice and the characters are all modeled nicely. Obviously there was a bit of a sprite quality issue playing a DS game on a PC, but with the exception of parts of Clover’s sprite you really couldn’t tell.
I do have to say it tho bc I was thinking about it a lot while I was playing: character design-wise, I think Zero Escape respects women narratively, but doesn’t fully respect them as like… people? People detached from the male fantasy? Not like it isn’t par for the course but they do put Lotus in. That. Also the male character designs are varied in body type and features and stuff and then the female design is “three cute girls.” But again it’s par for the course.
It’s also an issue with a decent amount of jokes; maybe asexuality go brr but with the exception of the “you cool with a mother?” one they were not funny to me at all.
Anyway back to the art, with the exception of a few hand sizes and that one where boobs don’t work like that they’re also super nicely drawn. I especially like the way facial expressions get handled there! I’ve started VLR and I have to say uh… not a huge fan of those “CGs” so I know to be grateful for 999’s.
Audio
Music’s good! Don’t really remember any tracks in specific but I remember enjoying the “boom crash guitar sting bad things have happened” song a lot.
As for voice acting, I think the characters’ voices fit them very well in both English and Japanese. I started playing with JP audio because I tend to prefer it, but I was getting too impatient with how long the dialogue was so I switched to English at some point. And I do have to say… in English sometimes it felt like the tone was off? Like the characters were saying their lines as if they were in a different situation from the one they were in. Or like as if they were feeling a different way than what the narrative seemed to be pushing for. I don’t think it’s the VAs' faults tho; it kind of felt like they may have been reading their lines without the full context for the scene.
Shoutout to all the “…” lines tho, it’s always so funny to see what they try to do with it like “My brother… might be dead.” “Hmm…” “Hm?” “Grr…” “Eughk.”
Uhhh in conclusion
It was really fun! I liked the gameplay, the story was interesting, and while I can’t say I particularly care about the main relationship that I know everyone is feral over I have a feeling that playing the other games will help me understand that better.
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dearweirdme · 8 months ago
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Hi I’m new here so I’m not sure if you ever talked about this. However I want to talk about it to you because I like your take on certain things and want to know what you think of them.
The first one being, taekookers hating the company. I’m a taekooker and I personally never found myself hating the company. Dislike it for certain things, yes. Because from what I’ve seen over the six years that I’ve been a fan, taekookers love to hate the company for separating them majorly. I know there are instances where they seem like they don’t like it, I feel like after they’ve renewed their contract the separation thing has been a lot more on taekook’s terms. I do agree this separation has been a huge talk between both jkkrs and tkkrs but I don’t know why people can’t comprehend it might as well have been tkk’s choice.
Also I don’t know why they hold the company to such high standards . Sure the narrative started as, a good company that gave the artists freedom to compose their songs and explore but at the end of the day it’s just an agency and any agency’s ultimate aim is to make money. So if they find a gay couple within the company they obviously aren’t going to parade them. They were grasping at the straws too not knowing how to proceed especially since BTS was growing and gaining a lot more attention.
The second one is how this fandom can’t seem to accept every one of the BTS members act/lie to a certain extent. When your whole life is being filmed as content for others, why wouldn’t you lie/hide parts of yourself to protect as much of your privacy as you could? If someone points this out, the fandom goes crazy. “How dare you call them liars?” I’m sorry I’m just calling them humans, you are the ones putting them on pedestals turning them into saints.
I would like for the fandom to accept that they are humans too and it’s okay if they choose to hide/lie about certain things.
The third one, the way a lot of shippers of the maknae line ignoring(? Using this due to lack of a better word) JK. I’ve seen it on both the sides but I feel like it’s more prominent on the jkkrs side. JK is literally half of their ship but they seem to treat him as a puppet to the company or jm or tae. It’s all jkk or tkk until something doesn’t happen as they want and the next second JK is the villain. “He didn’t care about jm/tae.” As if the need to satisfy the shippers falls on him. Most of the time jkkrs only talk about JK when it’s a ship thing. I don’t think I’ve seen many appreciate him for his kindness, actions, talent. He deserves to be appreciated as an individual and not a fill-in for their sexual fantasies about jm or tae.
And finally, the over sexualisation. Sure a little bit of fun is fine but I hate how every single word, glance, movement of theirs is sexualised. The jkkrs turning the ramen talk ALWAYS into something else and the tkkrs over analysing certain things too. I’ve seen someone talk about how taekook’s pants were a lot loose and pulled down when they got out of the bathroom while hiding from jm during the water fight. JK was pulling his pants up the whole day! There’s nothing to sexualise it. And there a few tkkrs that take the moral high ground, blaming jkkrs over the ramen talk as well as the hickeys but would instantly do the same if the situation were reversed.
Hi anon!
I think I've probably talked about everything by now 😂.
I have a dislike of music companies in general. I think they are uncaring and they are in it for one reason and that is power and money. There are too many stories of artists being taken advantage of, of being abused, and of being put on a sidetrack for me to think music companies are actually there for the artists. I think the same of HYbe/BH. I think they have greatly overworked the members, I think there was no care for their mental health, I think they took advantage of young boys with big dreams.
Ofcourse hard work comes with the territory. It can not be expected that you get to the top and not work harder than anything else. Talent alone will not get you there. An artist will have to perform while being sick at times, that's not great.. but a whole lot of money is involved.. were an artist to easily cancel anytime they are sick a lot of fans will lose money some of them could barely afford to invest in getting tickets and accomodations. However, when your artists can barely walk out of a show. When they collapse as soon as they are out of sight.. and this is something that happens repeatedly. When an artist can only think of wanting to sleep for a longer period of time. When several members of a group have admitted to having had depression. That's a big concern and it shows that the company did not get them the care they needed.
I do not directly hate the company for hiding Tae and Jk. I hate society for their views on queerness. I think hiding Tae and Jk also protected them. But, what I dislike is the narrative they allowed to be created (and imo was a concious choice). People still think Tae and Jk were distant and awkward once. It's something people use to throw around hate. I think it hurt Tae and Jk to see that idea go around. It's the cause of a lot of fandom arguments.
Mmm, it's hard to talk about BTS membes and truthfullness, because it does get a lot of fandom discourse going. Ofcourse they don't always tell the truth. To protect themselves they have to lie at times. I mostly think members avoid direct lies, but will rather chose to avoid having to lie. There's a lot they hold back. An occasional lie will happen I believe... when they don't have a choice. If Tae and JK are actually together, their closet will be reason for them to lie. Fandom is unfair in wanting members to be honest always.. because a huge part of fandom can not be trusted with member's honesty and throw it right back into their faces. They want BTS members to be honest only if that honesty suits what they expect.. not if it goes against that.
I think outside of shipping spaces Jk has a lot of solo or Jk-biased fans. Within shipping spaces he's definitely used as some sort of prize to win. Jk is also the more subtle one out of vminkook I think, Jm is an extrovert and rather physically bold in showing his affections, Tae is bold in showing his preference for Jk in singling him out through his mentions and pics.. Jk does show his preference, but he does it in much more subtle ways, so it's less easy to exactly point those out (and people so often love the easy stuff).
Ah, there's obnoxious people in every corner of fandom. There's shitty Jkkrs and there's some that are... less shitty. There's great Tkkrs and there's also annoying ones. I think talking about how hot the members are is fine, but personally I have some boundaries on how far I go with that. I don't think we actually see them at their most private. I think at most we see signs of physicall attraction through looks.
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dialovers-translations · 2 years ago
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Diabolik Lovers LOST EDEN ー Shin Dark [09]
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ー The scene starts in Shin’s room
Shin: ...No point trying to play upon my emotions.
I won’t hold back, even if you cry.
Or rather, from the moment you decided to become my girl.
You made up your resolve...To carry my child, no?
You kept on being very vocal about how you wanted to get closer to me...for my sake.
But in the end, you were only just telling me what I wanted to hear, no? Ahーah...What a bore you are.
Hey, I bet deep down, you would have much rather hooked up with Nii-san rather than me, no?
Yui: ( The way he puts that...He’s going too far... )
Why would you say that...?
I thought you felt the same way about me...
Shin: ...
ーー Don’t be ridiculous.
Love and affection are something only humans can feel. 
Us Demons never had those kind of emotions to begin with. We act based solely on our instincts and desires.
That’s also the reason why I suck your blood or want to make a child together. 
Yui: No way...
Shin: I’ve only been playing along with this whole ‘couple’ play-pretend because it made you happy.
...Is that your only question? If there’s anything else you want to ask, I’ll give you an answer. 
Yui: ...
Selection
→ So everything up till now has been a lie? 
Yui: Then...Everything up till now has been a lie?
And that you’d love and treasure me was all just an illusion?
Shin: ...I guess you could say that?
Yui: I see...
( Everything was made-up. All of it...I was simply under the wrong impression. )
Shin: Oh geez, don’t look so disappointed. I honestly wouldn’t mind pretending to love you from here on out, if that’s what you want.
Yui: I don’t expect that from you, honestly...
→ I love you regardless (❦)
Yui: I...love you regardless, Shin-kun.
Shin: ...
Yui: I know you said that you’ve simply been doing everything to please me but...
I don’t believe that to be the case. I can’t believe that all the things you’ve done were me were all part of an act.
Shin: ...Or maybe you just want to make yourself believe that?
Yui: That’s fine with me. My feelings for you won’t change. 
Shin: ...
Yui: ( Oh no...I feel like I might cry if I stay here any longer. )
( I don’t want Shin-kun to think of me as a pain. ...I’ll go back to my room. )
I’ll go now, okay? See you...
ー Yui leaves
Shin: ...Fuck!!
*Rustle*
*THUD*
Shin: ( Worst case scenario, she could end up getting infected with Endzeit as well... )
( So right now, I have no other choice but to keep my distance. )
Damnit...!
*THUD THUD THUD*
Shin: Haah...Haah...God, what should I do...!?
How can I find out whether or not I’ve been infected?
( Even though right now, I should be thinking of the future of us Founders rather than my personal issues... )
I’m pathetic...Honestly.
ー The scene shifts to Carla’s room at Banmaden
Carla: ...So many unnecessary things.
I did not think I had written this much down.
*Rustle*
Carla: Hm...? This is...
...My memoirs. Now this sure takes me back.
*Flip*
Carla: To think I put this kind of thing together...How naive I was back then.
*Flip* 
Carla: I wrote about Shin, my Mother and my Father...
And about Uncle Ferzen as well...
ーー Speaking of which, Uncle vanished after being contracted with Endzeit, did he not?
...If I recall correctly, that happened before Shin was even born. Banmaden was not yet in lockdown at that time either.
...
ー One of the Familiars arrives
Carla: ーー A report?
What is it? What happened?
ー The Familiar reports
Monologue
Shin-kun told me that feelings such as love and affection,
are experienced exclusively by humans.
So all the times he’s been kind to me up till now,
he did not do so out of love (好き) for me. 
I want to believe that he was lying but,
the more I think about it, the more my mood sinks.
I want to know (知りたい)...what exactly goes on inside his head.
Despite feeling that way, I also find myself terrified,
of peering into his soul.
To try and distract myself,
from my heavy heart, I closed my eyes. 
ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー
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wave2tyun · 1 year ago
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sooo, hello!!🥹💞 or welcome back!!!!
i don’t really know how to start this, at first i prepared a pretty long text because i wanted to explain why exactly i deactivated and what has been happening, but in the end i chose to scrap that and not get into in detail because it’s all related to my personal life and it's probably better to just keep that private, plus it’s some pretty heavy stuff as well, and i don't want to load that onto you. so this has kind of turned into a ramble instead amdbjdn
truth is that i have been struggling, a lot. october was one of the worst months mentally for me, which is when i chose to deactivate. at some point i did start slowly feeling better and i wanted to come back on here earlier than this but then things got worse🙂 like so much fucking worse😭😭 it’s still hard to believe and it still hurts and i almost can’t stop thinking about it, but looking back, i’m at least glad about getting through things the way i did- because i feel like the me one year ago would have acted and handled those situations so differently, or maybe i would have barely been able to handle them at all.
in the midst of it all, i started to lose my passion for writing. writing stopped being a form of escapism or a way for me to use my creativity. it just felt like a burden. whenever i wanted to write and opened up a doc i just felt paralyzed only by looking at it. i couldn’t get anything out, nothing for days on end. i felt like i was losing myself, in multiple aspects, not just writing, and the disappointment that overcame me only added more and more to my stress.
and i’m not going to lie, i’m still struggling a lot to write again :’) but i do want to give it another try. maybe it’s the fact that i first started out last year in december that is kinda making my heart tingle for it again andbjsns this period of time feels nostalgic:(
however, due to personal reasons (not regarding anyone on here, just to make that clear) i’d feel much safer and much more at ease to continue with a different username, i hope you guys can understand. i do feel very attached to my previous one but i really want to be able to post comfortably.
i do kind of regret deleting my other blog because of all the memories i’ve lost, but at the same time i’m also happy i did it because in a way it allowed me to fully choose to work things out and focus on myself without feeling burdened or rushed.
i don’t know how long it’s gonna take for me to post something new. i’ve been working on multiple things at once but the progress has been quite slow ambdkdn but at least it’s something!!!! so it might take a long time, it might also not. i don’t know, i’m just gonna let things be and let them happen whenever they happen. maybe you guys can also tell me some of the fics i should repost?? i won’t do them all at once cause they were quite a lot and that would clog up the tags anbdjdnd + i also need to proofread them again cause most of the time i’d do that directly on tumblr before posting🥲
soooo yeah. if you’ve read through this whole post, i really appreciate it!! :(<33 i’m happy to return on here while being in a better state, and if there’s anybody who would like to talk, do feel free to send me a message or an ask!! i’m still at home on winter break, but i will go on a trip pretty soon😔✊🏻 just so you know in case i might be slow with posting/replying!!
i hope 2024 will treat both me and you well. i hope it can be a year of growth and love, a year where we can freely let go and start anew. in a world where you constantly get beat down for everything i still want to choose to be gentle, sensitive, and soft. i love you guys!!!! :(💞💓💖💘💞💓💞
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praynobodyreads · 7 months ago
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(Sept25)I use to be that person who wanted to write down all their thoughts, in hopes that it would be therapeutic for me. I put it off so many times because keeping myself busy seemed to work for a while; up until it didn’t.
It took a month in solitude to figure out that I’m no good at being alone. I don’t enjoy my own company and I have the worst thoughts since you left. I wish I was never dependent on you. It’s not your fault though. I fell in love with the potential I saw. I might be stupid for thinking I still see that light in you.
But I lost myself loving a version of you I never got to see. The same version that never existed and I miss it.
I don’t wanna waste another 6 years on anyone else.
If I could do it all over again, I would have spent more time on us. I would’ve laughed at your jokes more. Said yes to watching a moving with you or strolling to the store just for one drink. I would have followed you to all your haircuts. And I would’ve enjoyed every fucking second.
We haven’t even broken up yet, but for some reason I see it coming and there is truly, nothing we can do about it.
EDIT(SEPT26): a day later, he ends an almost 6 year relationship through text, in a different time zone.
Why did I know it was coming and why am I still surprised?
He was mostly kind to me. He would lie to my face, can’t communicate and I found that we were always stuck in a cycle. But he was kind. I use to admire that about him.
The way he started treating me the days before the end, he turned cold; distant. He wouldn’t reply to my texts or call me back. He’d make excuses about why he wasn’t able to talk to me. This isn’t him at all. I refuse to accept this version of him. I was his world so i was hurt and confused by the lack of respect and decency he showed me with the breakup. I could never understand someone who could act like the years you spent with them meant nothing.
The only thing I can think, is that you found someone there. I truly hope that whoever they are, you are happy. I’m gonna spend a while grieving the 6 years, constantly reminding myself that this wasn’t for nothing. This has to be a start to a new journey. Perhaps, finding who I am without you.
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taehyungfirst · 1 year ago
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Sorry for the rant, feel free to ignore.
I love bts and I love all the members and I always have. But I can’t lie and say it’s not majorly disappointing when songs/works that seem like they least deserve it, end up with the awards or the records (though I’ve never personally cared for records much, awards are what’s actually important aside from the actual music of course, but kpop fabdoms are obsessed with records and numbers so it’s easy to fall into that)
Like I remember feeling it most strongly with dynamite. Sure it’s a fun song to listen and dance to, but it being the first bts song to be nominated for the Grammys? And it being their first song to land a #1 on the hot 100?
And I understand popularity, and success in the US specifically plays a role in this but that’s kind of my point.
The songs they quite literally poured their blood sweat and tears and that we can literally hear and feel every emotion from them will never achieve the kind of things songs like dynamite or butter do. And what’s worse, is that bts become recognized for those songs. And the reason for it is quite literally because of how close minded a lot of people in America are.
I feel like an anti for saying this, and that’s because of my disappointment and also due to the fandom calling anyone who thinks this way an anti, but it does get pretty frustrating especially when the fandom acts like certain songs are giant masterpieces when actual masterpieces made by bts exist.
I always tell myself it’s not that deep and who cares which songs are more successful because in the end, it doesn’t change who they are and what they do but then shit like bang od saying “we’re gonna focus on America” or whatever happens and it’s like “are you fucking kidding me?”
And it’s not that I have anything against jk (he’s literally in ny bias line and I’d feel the same way if it was any other member) but the idea of his most popular and successful work all being tied to that fucking man and those being the most successful soloist songs are so frustrating for me and they shouldn’t be but they are.
Like I love all of jk’s other music and he has one of the most beautiful voices I’ve ever heard, but it’s not those songs that are ever gonna get a lot of attention. It’s the ones he chose in America and the ones he’s tried on different people’s style rather than his own (since he’s still trying to figure out his, he’s said)
And that’s his choice and everything and as a fan I should respect that but it’s like…he has so much more potential than just being another basic American pop singer though that seems to be what he wants. It shouldn’t bother me but it does and I hate that, because who cares? He’s happy and it’s not like it’s bad music, so there shouldn’t be an issue. (But the kind of disappointment still lingers, and it hasn’t stopped since dynamite ngl. Like since dynamite a lot if things have happened with bts and now with their solo projects and if I’m being 100% honest, I saw that coming way back in 2021.)
Also here’s where I know I sound like an anti but it feels unfair that this English American produced and written by big names album will be compared with the other members’ solos by literally everyone.
Like they’re not on the same level at all in terms of promotion, and in terms of the target audience, but this fact will be ignored by everyone except for bitter antis but then those guys will focus on trying to prove “jungkook actually secretly sucks” (which is bs because he is insanely talented and he puts in so much effort into everything he does ) instead of the simple fact that “an album like golden is completely separate in every way from albums like jitb,indigo, face, d-day, and layover (and what ever Jin’s gonna come up with when he gets back)”
Idk maybe I am being one of those bitter people because I tend to be rapline biased (and v biased when it comes to vocal line) but I just don’t see it as a fair comparison.
The biggest music industry in the world is America and golden is made for America and American charts and American audience. Comparing it with albums not really made or advertised much outside of Korea/the Asian market doesn’t seem right.
And the thing is, Jungkook’s album would probably be one of the most successful even if it wasn’t mostly American or wasn’t targeting a western audience. The difference is that I wouldn’t have felt this way because yeah he deserves the success and it would be on the same level as the others.
But here, it feels weird. Because it’s not. Not pointing it out feels like anti behaviour, but also not saying so I don’t get criticized and hated feels like it’s a bit of a cult (if that makes sense)
I know I shouldn’t take this seriously and it’s usually easy for me to not get bothered and remind myself kpop isn’t worth all that, but sometimes things do get frustrating.
ESPECIALLY when you learn about all the sabotage certain members got from certain people/areas that other members did not.
Because several members did face sabotage or did unfortunately not receive the fandom’s full and proper attention or care and that too plays a major part in how the albums succeed, and also in how bothered I get.
Because nothing about this equal.
At the end of the day, all 7 of them are successful as a group and as soloists and they all deserve all the success and appreciation so there’s that I guess
Hi anon! First of all, sorry for the late reply, I was trying to let Jungkook’s album marinate a bit so I could clear my head about it too.
I wanna start saying that it IS unfortunate that most of BTS masterpieces will never get the treatment that the english trilogy got, and it pains me because their korean songs and lyrics are some of the most beautiful pieces we could get, but as you said, Americans— or better, the western industry is still full of prejudices and xenophobia, a korean song will never have the chance to shine like a full english one because the western industry doesn’t put them on the same level. And it’s awful, really. (Even though I liked Dynamite but that’s because it was a happy song that those times needed)
I don’t think it makes you an anti saying that, I don’t think it makes you an anti having a different opinion from the fandom (I’m a tae biased, I have lots of diff opinions and the fandom hates me for all of them ahaha), I didn’t care about charts either but ironically because of the success of the english trilogy, BangPd /Hybe had a Eureka moment and since that moment they tried to recreate that success in every way they could, with every group they could.
Regarding Jungkook, he told us he wanted to try different genres and wanted to become someone who could do multiple different things, I think he kinda succeeded in it with Golden (I say kinda because at the end of the day, he didn’t really try different genres but just pop and pop sub-genres), to be honest I thought he achieved that with Seven already, which was/is a smash hit, and because seven happened scooter obsession started, Bang pd money hungry ass got interested, and here we are. I do think Jungkook likes Golden, I don’t think that’s the best he can do, I don’t want him to think that if one day he’s gonna release a self-written album he should expect a different reaction/support for it, because western support is not the most important (i mean, look at Layover) and the US market is not the only big market in the industry (Asia markets are very big too)…
Because the fandom became very chart driven you will always see those kind of comparisons, even though they are unfair because it’s not the same promo, not the same company support, not the same radio push, versions, remixes, etc etc etc… So I’d say to ignore people who compare stuff like that, at the end of the day it’s just wasted energy and akgaes got lots of free time. But yeah, I hope one day the other members will have a smooth release day like Golden, without sabotage :)
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my-strange-attraction · 2 years ago
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Man people really do be straw-manning you and then interpreting all of your arguments in the worst faith possible and acting like that makes them So Smart And Correct. I’m sorry you gotta deal with all these bozos with zero reading comprehension or critical thinking skills. Just wanna add because it’s been seriously bothering me and I don’t remember you ever bringing it up: one of the core tenets of the original op’s post that you responded to was basically ‘this identity is bad because I’m a lesbian and those people aren’t lesbians in the exact same way as me so they’re hurting the lesbian community because I don’t want to see them when they don’t share all of my experiences and (gasp!) talk about men and their relationship to men sometimes because *I* don’t want to hear about men’ and I just. Idk man if that’s what his argument boils down to its kind of a shitty argument. Even ignoring all of the terf rhetoric (which you correctly pointed out) I can’t even begin to understand why someone would want to be in a queer community where everyone fits into neat little boxes and everyone with your label experiences their orientation exactly like you. Aren’t they forgetting that the whole point of the queer community is that larger society attempted to put us in boxes we didn’t want to be in and categorize us into labels and lifestyles we didn’t want? Why would someone ever parrot the actions of our oppressors and do that to other queer people, when they know what it feels like? I can’t even fathom being that selfish and closed minded
>your argument is chock full of straight up lies  Love how this was said in response to your rebuttal of an argument that CONTAINED ITS OWN “STRAIGHT UP LIES”!! Like pot meet kettle lol. Specifically referring to that one bit that was like “uwu bi women tried really hard on purpose to distance themselves from the lesbian community” because that is straight up not what happened!! I haven’t said anything yet but it’s been bothering me for a while and that one ask has so much fucking Audacity that I couldn’t stop myself from Pointing It Out this time. Ahistorical bullshit and they’re accusing YOU of lying. The audacity of it all I can’t
Anyway these guys are just mad that bi lesbians get more bitches than they EVER will. I heart bi lesbians I love you bi lesbians I hope y’all stay winning mwah <3
I'm assuming these are all from the same person because of the timing? If not, sorry for not doing separate responses.
Yeah, this whole thing has been pretty frustrating to be honest. In a way it's even worse than actual terfs, because these are people who are philosophically not that different than I am, and if we met in real life we probably wouldn't even know that we disagree. I mean, I do talk sometimes about label anarchy with some of my friends, but we have to be close and you have to get me in a philosophical mood. It's really frustrating to be openly disrespected as a person for one opinion that, though it does happen to be really important to me, doesn't come up in my everyday life (or, likely, theirs either).
The whole pronoun thing really got to me too. I KNOW they were just strawmanning, and I KNOW it wasn't really a valid critique of anything I said, but the suggestion that I would even consider purposely using the wrong pronouns for someone is upsetting. I don't think he even noticed before an anon pointed it out as a way to invalidate my argument. I don't think it upset him (or the anon) as much as the anon said it did. I still apologized though because I'm not going to not apologize for using the wrong pronouns.
Also I know jack shit about history because it doesn't stay in my break but yeah actually I do remember reading about that! That's crazy, I can't believe they called me a liar when they don't know their history. I mean, I don't either, but at least I'm honest about it.
Thanks so much for sending these messages! Not gonna lie, I was going a bit crazy with all this and the only anons I was getting until now have been the hate ones that I've shared and a few hate ones that I just outright deleted. I know people agree with me because I've seen the likes on my posts, but it's nice to have someone defending me as well, so thank you <3
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chalterdh22 · 2 years ago
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Chapter 20: Who’s up for Some Training?
When I awoke the next day, I was in the cabin alone.  I went outside, wiped the sleep out of my eyes in the brightly lit sunshine, looked around and didn’t see Din nor Grogu.  I shrugged and went inside to freshen up.  I looked at myself in the mirror and heard a small commotion coming from outside.  Not a bad one, just some noise.  I took a step back and peaked out the tiny window.  I saw the kid hopping super high from one rock to another while someone was trying to catch him.  They both were laughing, which made me smile, but who was this? 
I squinted again and, oh shoot, it was Din, but he didn’t have his helmet on.  Crap, crap!  I thought.  I whipped around as if I caught someone doing something they shouldn’t have.  Then, of course, curiosity got the better of me.
I leaned over to peak again, and there Din stood.  Just like any other normal man.  Brown hair, brown eyes, facial hair and, wait, is that a smile?  I must have had the dumbest look on my face as I just stared at a man who I knew well but didn’t know at all!  The more I watched them playing, the more my heart seemed to warm up.  It tingled with this soft, sensitive calmness.  It was like watching my family who I have known forever, but barely got to see.
And again, to see Din so clearly, wow.  I can’t lie and say I didn’t find him attractive.  It might have been his looks, the way he played with the kid, or the fact he’s so mysterious, but I definitely felt some attraction to him.  I haven’t felt that in a long time, especially since I haven’t been in too many relationships.
As I finished cleaning myself up, I went out to the front and coughed loud enough I thought so they could hear me.  I didn’t want to impose on their time.
I heard steps getting closer to the front porch area.  “Look who finally woke up kid?” 
“Gaaah.”  He jumped up right onto my lap.
“Hey buddy!  Did you sleep good too?  I did!”  I scratched the top of his head. 
“That’s good you slept well.  We didn’t want to wake you.” 
“Thank you.”  I softly said to him.
Din looked at me.  “Are you ok?”
Wow, was I that that obvious?  I don’t know why I’m acting quietly around him suddenly.  He’s the same person I’ve been with this whole time.  Pull it together girl!!!
“I’m still just waking up is all.  How long have you guys been up?”
“A few hours.  We wanted to let you rest, so we went out back for a while.”  Yeah, I know, I was thinking, a little smile appearing on my lips.  “What?  Why are you smiling?”
“Why are you so observant all of a sudden to human emotions?”  I all but yelled.  He took a step back and looked at me.
“Are you…. mad at me?” 
I stood up with the kid.  “No, sorry.  I’m not mad at you.  It’s just……”
“What?”  I looked down at Grogu, who seemed to understand my broken language.
“I’m just not feeling like myself since meeting Luke.”  I put Grogu down, who was still looking up at me.  I smiled at him.  He seemed to be the only thing to understand me completely.
“Well, is there anything I can do to help?”
“No, not unless you can help me make my mind a little stronger or help me learn how not to hurt the ones, I love….”  My voice trailed off at the end.  I didn’t really just say love, did I?  Oh, for crying out loud!
“No, no I can’t help with that.  But I can help with some other kind of training if you want me to.”
I shrugged again.  I didn’t really know what I wanted.  A part of me wanted to just go back home and a large part wanted me to stay here.  And as if he could suddenly read my mind, “I’m not taking you back home.”
I stared at him doe eyed.  Ok, he is really on top of his game today.  “Ok, I’ll take you up on that offer.  What would you be able to teach me?  I’m not wearing all that armor you are, so what have you got?”  I challenged back at him.  I also realized I was being rude to a guy who already has social issues.  I put my hand up to my chest and said, “I’m really sorry.  I’m not trying to be rude to you.  I’m just super confused and unsure, and that’s not like me.”
I looked straight at him, hoping he could see my sincerity.  “It’s fine.  I know it can be hard sometimes finding yourself.  I went through that at one point.”  He paused a moment.  “But I do think I can train you on fighting, defensive maneuvers and other skills that you could use.”
“Thanks Din.  I appreciate it.  What about you, kiddo?  Can you teach me anything?  I sure hope so.”  I knelt down and ruffled his head. 
“Patu.”
“What is that?  I’ve heard him say that a few times now.”
Din shrugged.  “I’m not sure.  I’m not sure it’s anything.  Maybe one day we’ll find out.”  He looked down at him.  “Grogu.”  He looked up at his dad.  Din put his arm out and the kid high jumped right into it.  Din looked at me.
“What?  I still think you treat him like a pet!”  Din tilted his head and shrugged again.
“I think he’s fine.”  He started walking off the porch area into some open land.  “Now, let’s see what you got.”  I gulped, suddenly getting nervous again.
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lemistired · 2 years ago
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Essay- Untitled (again)
I don’t like naming things, I’m bad at it. 
I’ve been in a little bit of a slump for a bit now, my anxiety is getting really bad again, like I’m fighting to leave the house every time I have to. The other week I near enough downed 3/4ths of a bottle of vodka and of course i then saw that same bottle twice. I didn’t even expect that to happen, that’s the funny thing. My asthmas also been acting up like CRAZY cause how humid the air is and how much pollen there is, I hate that my lungs are as sensitive as they are, they can take a lot, but when it hits them it hits them hard, I should really tell them they’re doing a good job from time to time. ANYWAYS this is essentially just a vent that I’ve been adding to when things get a lot, and I’ve decided I’m done with this one cause it’s hard to have any literary flow when you’re in bits. 
People go on about how wonderful life is, yet have you ever found someone who isn’t simply drifting?
I mean yeah, I have these hopes and aspirations, but they’re more like rough suggestions. I don’t even know what I’m doing tomorrow, you can’t even say I’m taking the day as it comes because that’s a blatant lie, I’m simply going through the motions I’ve rehearsed a million times before this.
There is no escape from anything anymore. Alcohol simply allows you to sleep without a plagued mind, gradually your tolerance is getting higher though and the four cans of cider and a shot of vodka doesn’t make you drowsy anymore like it did the first time you drank; you keep drinking trying to get that same effect until suddenly you’ve gone through half a bottle of gin. You know it’s getting bad again when you’ve had a hard day and your first thought is to down some whisky, that’s my drink of choice when the days been rough. If I want a good time having rum usually goes down well, but sometimes the familiarity of that burn going down, setting your chest ablaze, is exactly the kind of comfort you need. Your mornings have started to consist of thinking about clearing away those empty bottles in your room, yet your nights are filled with heavy eyes and a thick taste of regret lining your tongue.
Sometimes it’s not enough, so you try smoking a little, doesn’t matter if it’s a tobacco cigarette or an electronic one, sometimes it’s nice to feel like you’re drowning for a moment. You know you shouldn’t because it’s “shaving years off your life”, you’re asthmatic so you know you’ll feel it when you go into an attack about an hour later. Sometimes I find myself unable to get the oxygen to my lungs, my body is shaking as I’m slowly getting dizzier trying to choke back the nausea, my inhalers won’t work so I sit there rubbing my chest hoping to alleviate the pain.
I’ve lost my sense of identity now; I don’t know last time someone asked me about what my characteristics are and I didn’t fabricate something on the spot. One group thinks I’m some shy, kind, reserved person who cares too much about everyone, another thinks I’m a more head strong, argumentative person—they’re even scared to wake me if I fall asleep just in the off chance I’ll snap at them. My family thinks I’m the most responsible introverted person you can find. The only advantage to not having a set personality is I’ve gotten really well at masking everything. I think I was 12 when I started acting, none of my current friends fully know me as a result of this, I keep losing people due to my inconsistencies.
A few points of me have stayed consistent; I’m not cishet-- truthfully I’m always in a state of questioning, my life has always looked like a dark room with a phone light being the only source, hospitals are places that I hate yet still find comfort in—they’re familiar, I hate being alone—at least alone without access to at least text someone, I prefer the cold weather—there’s less people walking so you don’t have to hide as much.
I find my emotions are something that come in waves, you get a tiny ripple, then suddenly thousands of waves come crashing down so hard it hurts as it hits against your skin, eventually they calm and there’s nothing at all. When the waves still, I wouldn’t even call it content, it’s simply a grey area between emotions, you feel something, but it’s not positive, negative, or neutral. When the waves are thundering on for what seems like an eternity, it becomes so overwhelming nothing shows, but you feel it; the suffocating of being thrown under the water with no mercy, you’re struggling to know its pointless so you begin to let yourself drown, only for you to suddenly gain the ability to breathe underwater, it’s the only way you’d ever cope with it.
I’ve become sick of sacrificing everything the moment people ask it of me. I’ve never been a caring person, the habits have just become deep routed in me, if you see a glimmer of genuine concern or trust from me, you know I really care. Sometimes I ask simply because you look upset and I don’t want the day to be dragged down as a result, other times, I want to make you feel better. The way my life has always worked was I was the caretaker, but I was not the kind of person who would clean your wound with such care and give you treats after. I think back to arguments sitting with my brother, trying to convince him to allow me to take out broken fragments of plastic out of his hand with tweezers, the concern over taking me all you may see was aggression at first glance, but those who know me know that is how I care – it’s cold, violent, and upsetting, yet I’ll still touch you with gentle hands dancing over the injury, touch so light you may not even feel it.
On some not rare occasions, I find myself disgusted to be banded in with people, not because I dislike people, I simply feel beneath them, an imposter with subtle cracks showing through a true nature. My emotions lead me in a world shrouded in logic, it was never suited for people like me. I am simply a by-product from a war between obligation and negligence.
━  S
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rebecca2407 · 3 months ago
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Respect, Friendship, and Following My Dreams: A Strange Journey
It’s funny how my family and friends don’t seem to respect me as a person, yet expect me to be just like everyone else. They treat me as if I should act the same, think the same, and do the same things, even though I have a disability. It’s like they forget that I’m not like them, and somehow think that just because we share blood or history, I should be the same. But that’s not how life works, is it?
It’s as if they don’t even see me for who I am. Sure, I might be in their lives, but am I really seen? When they ask me to do things that I know I can’t or don’t want to do, it’s like they’re treating me like a stranger, not the person they claim to care about. I could disappear tomorrow, and I don’t know if they’d even notice. Or maybe they would, but for the wrong reasons.
What really gets to me is how they expect me to just follow their rules, their opinions, their desires, all while ignoring who I truly am. That, in itself, is a level of disrespect I’ve grown accustomed to. Yet, when I finally say, “No, I don’t agree,” or, “I’m not following along,” it feels like I’m the one who’s suddenly in the wrong. They want me to conform, and when I don’t, they think it’s a personal attack. It’s not that I want to stir the pot; it’s that I simply can’t live a lie anymore. My disability means I can’t do things in the same way as they do, and expecting me to is not only unrealistic, but downright disrespectful.
I’m stuck. My life feels like it’s in a perpetual loop of disappointment and misunderstanding. I don’t have friends, and at this point, I’m not even sure I care anymore. The effort it takes to keep up with people who don’t truly understand me feels draining. If someone’s not willing to meet me where I am, then they’re not worth the energy.
I know I have dreams. I want to follow them. But every day feels like an obstacle, with no one in my corner. It’s frustrating to know that the people closest to me don’t seem to respect me enough to support the things that matter to me. Yet, I’m expected to support them unconditionally. Funny how that works, right?
And then there’s the whole “gift-giving” thing. It’s confusing, too. A while ago, someone gave me a beehive. Seemed like a thoughtful gesture at the time, but when I didn’t immediately fall over myself to thank them or take their side in every disagreement, they took it back. Seriously. Took it back. It was like the gift wasn’t given out of kindness—it was given as a way to manipulate me into agreeing with them, into taking their side, and into doing things their way. But that’s not me. I won’t kiss anyone’s ass just to keep the peace, and I certainly won’t pretend to like someone I don’t just to fit in with the group.
In the end, what I need is simple: respect and the space to be who I am. No, I’m not like everyone else, and I don’t expect anyone to suddenly understand all the intricacies of my life or struggles. But I do expect respect. I expect people to see me for the person I am, disability and all, and accept that my dreams are worth pursuing—even if they don’t align with their expectations. I’m tired of the back-and-forth, the giving and taking of gifts, the pretending.
It’s time I put my energy into what truly matters—my dreams. And if that means distancing myself from people who don’t respect me, so be it. Because at the end of the day, I have to live with myself, and I want to live in a way that makes me proud. Not in a way that makes others comfortable. It’s time to break free from the chains of others’ expectations and start living my truth, no matter how messy or difficult it may seem. Because in the end, my dreams deserve to come first.
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forestryfae · 8 months ago
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“if you haven’t fucked in any way you’re a virgin if you have you’re not?? you can’t call yourself a virgin if you’re not” genuinely confused would you call rape victims virgins or would you consider that lying? i ‘lost my virginity’ bc of rape and categorically consider myself a virgin because i have never had consensual sex that i could enjoy, but i’ve had people say i’m lying by calling myself that which is why i ask
if you were raped you didnt fuck, being fucked implies consent. if you got fucked by a guy nonconsensually thats not being fucked, thats being raped. the main difference being that these are two entierly different things when theyre experienced. virginity is popularily talked about as a consensual act too, and losing your virginity is typically seen as a symbol of maturity and joy and something you wanted to do and looked forward to doing.
ofc theres the aspect where virginity is considered purity and innocence while not being a virgin is considered being a whore and tarnished and so on, but thats religious shit and im not religious + religion should not be the leading factor in a society-wide concept adapted in many different settings + its used to control peoples personal choices through shame + the only people who say that shit are weirdly obsessed with controlling what other peoples choices are, so fuck that.
theres also the ascpect where virginity is not only not having sex but also a lack of experience. you arent a virgin if you have fucked but you can be inexperienced. you dont have to lose your virginity from rape unless you personally feel it applies because rape doesnt involve the experience tied to having sex for the first time. sex is maybe scary or makes you nervous but should be a good experience of trust and fun. rape is violent and a horrendous act of intrusion on your very being.
basically you cant say youre a virgin if you have fucked. if youve only fucked once and lack experience youre still not a virgin by definition, virgin meaning youve never had sex. if youve consesually fucked someone, even if they were shit at it, you arent a virgin because by definition it doesnt apply to you. saying you identify as a virgin is at that point a lie because you have had sex if you fuck someone and neither of you cum that sucks but its still sex, technically, even if it didnt work as intended, so youre not really a virgin
if youve been raped you experienced something entierly other than consensual sex, so you can say youve lost your virginity because of rape if you want but i dont consider rape and sex to be the same act, even if it may overlap or look similar. being smacked across the face during any kind of BDSM because you asked them to do it for example is a completely different act than being smacked in the face by a someone on the street. intent matters and so does whether it was wanted or not.
the sex doesnt have to be PiV either, it can be oral, anal, mutual masturbation, etc, i would probably count clothed dry humping until you cum as a type of sex so youd lose your virginity that way too. anything sexual you do with another person that results in an orgasm, ideally, unless your partner was dogshit or you just didnt cum that time because you were giving a blowjob or whatever.
but i also think virginity is a really silly thing to be obsessed with as well, if you lose your virginity and you wanted to lose it then congrats on losing it, if you just wanted to try sex or youre a casual fucker then congrats on the sex. like literally it doesnt actually matter if it was your first time or not, it doesnt actually say anything about you as a person
the issue is when you lie and say you havent had sex when you have, and you arent doing it as a way to protect yourself (like in a religious setting or cult or just a culture thats very violent towards women). its also an issue if you tell your partner youre a virgin when youre not for like? three reasons?? first of all, if youre inexperienced just say that. youve fucked, youre not a virgin, dont lie to them, just be honest about your experience. secondly if your partner cares that much about whether youve fucked anyone else before them thats a red flag. its fine if its just a conversation topic obvs but if they start asking how many people youve slept with because they need to know whether youre "used" or "loose" or "a whore" or whatever thats not someone you wanna be in a relationship with. thirdly its just weird to lie about that for no reason fourthly if you have had sex you could potentially have an STD or something transmittable and you should be honest with your partner about that. if you have like chlamydia from a previous partner your sex partner deserves to know so they can make an informed decision and not get sick because you lied to them. ofc you can get some STDs without having had sex, like fungal or bacterial infections, but your partner deserves to know about that too. thats probably not as relevant though since thats something inherently tied to health and not virginity.
basically the conclusion is you cant say youre a virgin if youve done consensual sex acts with someone that resulted (ideally) in an orgasm. like. thats the base definition. a virgin is someone who hasnt had sex. having had sex means youve had sex. it doesnt make sense to have sex and lie to someone and say nah i havent had sex unless you are in danger if you dont lie. rape isnt a consensual sex act, its an act of sexual violence that looks similar. you cant lose your virginity from rape. you can lose your virginity from rape if youve been raped and you dont want to consider yourself a virgin anymore because of it for some reason, although you can change your mind about that too, but aside from that the definition just doesnt allow for it to be the same thing. sex needs consent, rape doesnt have that. different scenario
that and also its weird to lie about your virginity if youve had consensual sex because why would it be neccessary to hide your sexual history? why does what youve done with your body in the past matter so much to your partner that you need to hide it? like i still think its really weird to lie to like your friends or people in general about being a virgin but thats also a lot more harmless and doesnt really matter as much aside from like. making your weird for lying about it. but if youre lying to your partnerr about it thats a red flag, either for you for refusing to disclose your sexual history and like whether you have experience or potentially STDs, and for playing with your partners trust. like imagine youre dating someone and they tell you theyre a virgin but after a while you find out they arent. thats sketchy. why would they hide it from you? its also a red flag for your partner because if you have to lie to a person youre supposed to trust about something as inconsequencial as your body count you probably shouldnt fuck that person or be around them that much.
on top of all of that im a stickler for definitions and i just think its bad to water down the meanings of things, if something means something it means that thing. its like saying something is orange because its red or yellow. NOT! the same thing! thats entierly a different thing! being a virgin means you HAVE NOT had sex! if you have you arent a virgin! if you know basic math that doesnt make you a mathematical prodigy! if you just focused on something you needed to do thats not hyperfocus, you just focused! if someone just lied to you they arent gaslighting you! theyre just lying! words have meanings! its fine for language to evolve but words mean things and we shouldnt water down the meanings of old words just because we can! if virginity is a concept we wanna get rid of or alter we should be changing it in a way that makes sense! not lying about whether or not weve fucked for reasons that are inherently sketchy.
so yeah no being raped isnt the same as losing your virginity by definition. also i make all the rules forever so noone can tell me im wrong ever because i think this is how things should work. some people think of virginity as including rape and i think theyre dumb, so i refuse to consider them to be correct too.
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nattaphum · 3 years ago
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INTERVIEW WITH VOGUE MAGAZINE
Q: how do you practice acting and how do you improve yourself in acting?
Mile: since i have less experience than other people, apo gave me a lot of advices. Other than that, i’m learning acting from the acting coach, acting friends around me which have different techniques on their owns. To compare it with playin guitar, there are different ways of picking the strings to make a sound. Acting is also the same, let's take it as the charm of acting
Apo: i think i focused on mind things, i practice meditation regularly because if i dont have a good concentration i can’t control my body to be a tool in acting. i learned from various teachers that "the more you practice the better you get" so that your body remembers what it needs to be done until it feels the necessity to do it every time. Besides, i practice to be " let's ignore it/ let's forget about it". Let's say we get to play this drama/series but we couldn't do it well just like the director expected or just like we wanted. So i just say "let’s forget it" and then put more effort into acting better next time. You can’t be like "just now i already acted good so i can drop the effort". You need to keep improving to act better in the next scene.
Q: with such a big reputation that comes to you right now, is there any day that you can't handle it?
Apo: personally, I don't know, maybe because I’ve been staying in this industry for a long time, I learned how to position myself and my heart. The most important thing is to stay in the present. We have something today, maybe tomorrow we won’t. I always thought that reputation and money are just outgrowth and i prefer to focus on what I want to do, which is acting.
Mile: now a lot of people grew to know us more and it's normal for others to bring up the past whether it’s true or untrue and putting the blame on us. So, as apo said, let's focus on other things. Like when you drive to Chiangmai, you find a lot of happiness along the way but if you focus on "heuy! it's raining" you’re gonna feel all gloomy. So for the negative comments, i won’t lie saying i didn’t have any, there are a lot of them but i chose to focus on other things. Please be kind to me *smiles*. Actually not to me alone, but to everyone in this entertainment industry that wants to create good works for the others
Q: The current world trend is to talk about LGBTQ+ on many different perspectives; what issue do you think it's the most important and you want to give the loudest voice to?
Apo: Aside from the focus on equality, another very important issue is on the law, everyone wants to be accepted in both literal and theoretical sense which includes getting to live with somebody you love; doing many things together, for example buy a car, a house or health concerns. If there is a law protecting them, then these things will be easier for them.
Mile: I agree with what Apo said and i believe in the freedom of living your life, your preferences or to love whoever you want no matter the age or society; everyone has the right to be themselves
Q: your fanclubs come from different countries, do you have any cute episodes about them you wanna share?
Mile: so many, both from Thailand and overseas! During the world tour that we had recently, there was one fan who sent a card saying they travelled from America just to come to our concert and i was like heuy! wondering whether it was true or not so i went to their instagram and that person was tellin the truth. I thought “that person really traveled this far to meet us?” … including all the good wishes that they always send to us.Thank you so much *smiles*
Apo: for me, the love that you guys send me is more important than fame and money, i feel like i can live my life to the fullest everyday,i wanna say that every wishes/messages/cards that you guys send reach us all! for the gifts, there are so many of them so i share some with other people in the company! for those i didnt mention please dont feel hurt by that because your love reached me already; i shared some with other people because i believe that if we spread the love widely it will make this world more brighter and a better place to live in (mile nodded and smiled then he said let me share them with others too, there are seriously so many of them, thank you everyone so so much)
Q: do you have anything you want to say to each other that impressed you and that you never said to your partner before?
Apo: i have one thing that i never said to him..i wanted to say this long time ago (apo's voice became more serious before turning his face to mile who's smiling and teased pmile "i’m making your face all sweet and lovely"). I wanna say that he has became more skilled but he’s never satisfied with himself for real. He has a handsome face and is skilled in what he's doing, i want pmile to be satisfied with himself and not to be anxious. Except from this, pmile has made me more calm. Before, i liked to do things fast and i would get irritated with anything slow. Seeing how pmile is more on the calmer side, it makes me able to do so too like teaching me the other way around saying “there are different people on this world”
Mile: (big smile) i’m not sure whether i already said this before or not… when apo said that he's someone who likes to do things fast, for me, i’m not the slow type, i'm more the one to think a lot. But when we get to spend a lot of time together, having the same goals in terms of working, it shows clearly that the behavior of Apo to do things fast, comes from the fact that he has such a high determination and a very good focus (*turns to apo and teases him* i’m in praising mode). Even since from the beginning we worked together he gave me a lot of advices. I need to thank him one more time, but sometimes i’m afraid he would feel hurt by this because sometimes i followed some of his advices and sometimes i didnt. I know he has a good attention but my method is “i need to ponder about it first” but i listen to him all the time.
Apo: i’m not hurt by that *turns to pmile* i think it's a good combination like everything comes down as Yin and Yang. if we both are fast, it would be awful for the two of us.
Translation by @strwberrymilk18 @urmysuninnight and @nutsu941 on twitter
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Father of Mine – 2/2
Character: Bruce Wayne x Daughter!Reader
Summary: With the tragic passing of her mother, Y/N learns to the truth of who her father is.
Word Count: 4,100+
Warnings: absent father, subtle violence, mention of family death
A/N: The reader is described as tall in this fic. Bruce Wayne is 6′2 and I’m tall, so I’m indulging myself with no apologies. Read it or don’t.
Part 1
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Bruce was working in the cave when Alfred interrupted him.
“Master Wayne, a guest has arrived unexpectedly.”
Bruce gave him a strange look. Hardly anyone showed up to the manor unannounced.
“Ms. Y/L/N,” Alfred added.
“Right,” Bruce sighed.
“She’s waiting for you in your office.”
Bruce found Y/N pacing in the room, refusing to take the seat that he was sure Alfred offered her.
“Y/N,” he greeted, remembering how she disliked the formalities last night.
She whipped around at his greeting. “Am I your charity case now?”
He feigned confusion. “I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.”
She looked offended by his lie. “Don’t insult my intelligence. You paid all of my outstanding expenses that my mother left me.”
Bruce opened his mouth.
“Don’t try to lie to me,” she warned.
Bruce closed his mouth.
“Look, I don’t need your help,” Y/N sighed in obvious irritation. “Did you or did you not pay them?”
He took in a shallow breath, “I did.”
Y/N clenched her jaw as Bruce finally admitted his deed.
“I was only trying to help.”
“You can’t just throw money at me and expect it to make up for being a no-show.”
Bruce tensed. 
Did that mean…Did she know?
“You read the letter?” He asked.
“No,” she clarified. “But I figured it out.”
“I had no idea,” he tried to tell her.
“I don’t care,” she almost snorted.
“You have ever right to be angry with me…”
“I’m not angry. I’m annoyed.”
She took a defiant step toward him and crossed her arms.
The heeled boots she had on caused her already tall height to make her be eye to eye with Bruce. 
How many people had faced off with Batman and cowered with fear? 
But she didn’t submit or show any signs of intimidation.
“Do you think I cried myself to sleep every night as a child, wondering where my dad was or why he didn’t want me?” Y/N hissed.
Bruce didn’t respond.
“You think I give a fuck about the father-daughter dances? Or whatever the hell people think dads are only capable of doing?” She narrowed her eyes. “The thing is…I didn’t need you. I didn’t need you then and I don’t need you now.”
Bruce felt sick as he listened to her.
“I have the sneaking suspicion that you wouldn’t have been there for those anyway,” she added roughly. “My mom loved me more than enough. I didn’t need anyone else. And she made damn sure of that.”
“So I’m not your charity case to make yourself feel better after my mom made it clear she thought it was better to keep me from you, than to ever tell you that I existed. Says a lot about what kind of person she thought you are, huh?”
When Y/N finally stopped, she was taking deep breaths.
Bruce wondered how long she had that all bottled up. He didn’t think anything she said was a lie. Y/N didn’t need him. That had become clear.
She had grown up to be a successful, intelligent, and independent young woman.
And she got that way without a father figure of any sort.
After a few moments, Bruce finally bowed his head and cleared his throat. “I never intended on making you feel like a charity case.”
Bruce saw as Y/N took in a deep breath and the guilt slowly took over her expression.  
“Look,” Y/N sighed, “we finally know the truth. Let’s just…let’s just move on with our lives. OK?”  
Bruce couldn’t deny that the suggestion hurt.
After processing the news over the past week or so, he realized he wanted to get to know her. This wasn’t the first time a child of his had been dropped on him far too late. He had failed Damian in so many ways because of it. 
But Y/N was a young woman, fully developed and independent now. And Bruce couldn’t help but wonder that him being absent from her childhood had only benefitted her.
“If that’s what you want,” he finally told her.
Y/N didn’t know him well enough to hear the underlying pain in his words.
So she simply nodded and walked past him, having nothing more to say.
——————
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Bruce adjusted his tie. He wanted nothing more than to rip it off his neck.
But he was on his best behavior tonight.
This year, the Gotham Gazette was given the honor of hosting the Pulitzer Prizes. And since Bruce and Wayne Enterprises donated quite a large sum of money to the Gotham Gazette, they felt inclined to invite him.
Bruce had every intention of skipping, until he found out that Lois Lane was receiving an award and Clark would also be attending.
He figured the least he could do was congratulate her and say hi to both of them.
That’s why he was trying to find them as soon as possible so he could and get the hell out of there.
Bruce finally spotted Clark talking to a woman whose back was to him. All he saw of her was the black dress and y/h/c hair. 
He made his way over.
Clark noticed him when he was a few feet away.
“I see you’ve finally left your cave,” he teased with a lift of his brow. “I honestly didn’t expect you to show.”
But when the woman Clark was speaking to turned to look at him, Bruce swore he felt his heart stop.  
Y/N’s eyes widened slightly, clearly just as surprised at seeing Bruce.
None of this went missed by Clark. “Oh, do you two know each other?”
Bruce didn’t know how to respond. What would Y/N want? 
So he hesitated.
“I shot him for a cover once,” Y/N answered quickly.
She was a shockingly smooth liar.
Maybe she got that from Bruce, too.
But she didn’t realize that Clark could hear her heart rate quicken, catching the fib.
“And how exactly do you two know each other?” Bruce asked, recovering quickly.
“Y/N works with Lois a lot,” Clark answered. “She basically refuses to work with any other photographer.”
Y/N managed to force a smile.
“I should actually go find her and say my congrats,” she answered. 
“And I need to hunt down a drink,” she mumbled. 
Both men caught it.
Clark was rather taken aback by how she fled.
The Y/N he knew was always charming and kind, usually life of the party. He’d never seen her dodge a conversation in such a way before.
As soon as she was out of hearing range, Clark gave a intimidating glare to Bruce.
“Want to tell me what that was about?” He asked Bruce.
But Bruce only clenched his jaw.
“Past fling?” Clark asked with a somewhat disappointed tilt of his head.
“No. Nothing like that,” Bruce quickly corrected.
Not only did the idea make him feel sick. But if rumors started of the two of them being romantically linked, Bruce knew it would only make Y/N hate him more than she clearly already did. 
Thankfully, Clark took his denial seriously.
“She’s not my biggest fan,” Bruce added darkly.
“Y/N is a good friend,” Clark told him – almost in warning. “Lois and her have become rather close over the years.”
Then Clark smirked. “She does know how to hold a grudge though. And she’ll make your life hell...if you deserve it.” 
Bruce’s brain hurt as he realized how easily Y/N and his path’s could’ve crossed. She had been friends with Clark and Lois this whole time?
“I’m happy for her,” Clark added.
“Happy for her?”
Clark looked at Bruce as if it was obvious. “She’s being awarded tonight, too.”
How could Bruce not have realized? Why didn’t he think of looking at the list of people being awarded tonight? He’d been dreading attending so much that he didn’t even consider it.
“Bruce?” Clark asked with concern.
“Hmm?” He was not one to hum or mumble.
“You alright?”
Bruce didn’t have a lot of friends.
But Clark Kent was one of them. And him and Diana had noticed how Bruce was acting off for weeks now. Bruce was notorious for remaining stoic and giving nothing for people to try and guess what he was thinking or feeling. But they both knew it was something different. 
Someone over Bruce’s shoulder suddenly waved Clark over.
“If you’ll excuse me,” Clark told Bruce politely.
Bruce’s first instinct was to leave now that he knew Y/N was also in attendance.
But he knew he couldn’t act so cowardly.
Was he really that scared of his own daughter?
His eyes glanced around the room looking for her.
He spotted Y/N at one of the bars.
Either her conversation with Lois had been quick, or she simply used that as an excuse to get away from Bruce.
Bruce walked up beside Y/N at the bar.
He knew she felt his arrival by the way her body tensed.
“Had I known you would be here I would not have attended,” he told her while looking straight ahead.
Y/N ignored his apology. “How do you know Clark?”
“He’s a friend,” Bruce answered casually.
Then he allowed himself to take a sideways glance at her.
Her jaw was clenched.
He wondered what thoughts she was holding back.
Y/N really did remind him of her mother.
When they were together, Bruce was convinced she was the prettiest girl in the world. He wondered if Y/N had found someone in her life who told her the same.
“Congratulations on being honored tonight,” Bruce offered sincerely.
“Thank you,” she answered shortly.
A beat passed between them.
Bruce was about to give up and leave her be.
“Does Clark think I’m one of your one-night stands now?”
Y/N might not know Bruce well, but everyone was familiar with his romantic history. He wasn’t one to keep the same woman around for long. 
“No,” he quickly answered. “I made sure to prevent such a rumor from starting.”
Y/N finally slowly turned to him, her annoyance clear. “And you’re convinced that he really believed you?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Yes, Clark has always been rather good at detecting a lie.” His tone was so confident that it left little room for argument.
But Bruce knew a losing battle when he saw one.
He dipped his head. “Enjoy the rest of your night. Congratulations again.”
But Bruce lingered, debating if he wanted to say what was on my mind.
“You look very beautiful. Just like your mother.”
There was nothing creepy or contrived about it.
Y/N blinked at the compliment, completely taken aback.
“Goodnight, Y/N.” Bruce dipped his head and finally surrendered, leaving the party.
Y/N felt a presence behind her shoulder as he watched him leave.
“Was Bruce Wayne just hitting on you?” Lois asked with amusement.
“No. Not at all,” her tone was dazed and confused.
“He’s a good guy,” Lois told her lightly.
“Doubt it.”
“I mean it,” Lois insisted. “The media has given him a bad image. But I think he likes it that way,” she shrugged. “It’s not easy for him to open up. He’s not quick to trust.”
Lois thought she was building up a possible suitor for Y/N, having not a clue that she was describing Y/N’s father to her.
But Y/N was too busy thinking about how much Bruce sounded like her.
—————
A few weeks had gone by since Bruce and Y/N had run into each other at the ceremony.
It got Bruce to thinking: would he and Y/N had run into each other at some point in life – even without her mother’s posthumously confession?
Y/N knew Lois and Clark, lived in Gotham, seemed to know the same people through her work that Bruce was forced to interact with to keep up his persona.
Would he have sensed a connection had that been the case?
The possibilities kept Bruce up at night…along with the guilt that had already been eating away at him since he first read the later. And he’d read it 100 times more since.
Of all the boys, Dick was the only one that knew of Y/N’s existence. And if he hadn’t been at the right place at the right time, Bruce never would’ve told him. He had just been in shock after reading the letter that he blurted out the realization while Dick was in the same room.
Since then, Bruce didn’t linger in a room alone with him, knowing Dick would finally let all of his questions loose. And Bruce wasn’t ready to answer them.
While Tim was the one to connect them, he never followed through with what the situation was. He already had too much to deal with on a daily basis. Tim simply thought he was doing a nice favor for a beautiful woman. 
But if Bruce had told him, Tim would immediately do every possible background check on Y/N. He would be suspicious of the timing and underlying motives. He would probably assume that Y/N’s end goal was to get money or fame – or both. Bruce knew eventually Tim would come to the conclusion that Y/N wanted neither of those things. But it would still get an unnecessary rise out of the boy.
Bruce didn’t even want to think about how Damian would handle it. He knew his son felt a certain level of pride from being the only blood-son of his. Knowing he had a sibling – and an older sister at that – would most likely enrage him. And that wouldn’t make anything better. 
Jason…Well, Jason would get a kick out of Bruce letting down yet another child. And it would just be worse that she was blood related. He’d be curious about Y/N. Hell, he’d probably be tickled by the no-bullshit attitude Y/N had towards Bruce and her harsh efforts to keep him out of her life completely.
Now, Bruce sat at a Justice League meeting.
They were only a few minutes into a council session when his communicator started going off.
The boys knew not to contact him unless it was an emergency. So, he quickly excused himself and stood to leave the room.
“What is it?” Bruce answered, his Batman voice in full form.
“There’s been an attack at city hall,” Dick reported back hurriedly.
Bruce frowned. The boys had handled much worse things on their own before. There had to be more to it than that.
“Scarecrow,” Dick confirmed. “He released a fear toxin. It’s bad Bruce. The mayor has been infected, along with half of their staff. I think it’s a new string. Our antidote doesn’t seem to doing anything. Even if it did, we don’t have nearly enough for the amount of victims.”
“The others?” Bruce asked quickly – meaning Damian, Jason, and Tim.
“They’re fine. Jason’s trying to get everyone out before they inhale too much. Tim and Damian went after Scarecrow. GPD is in a panic.”
Bruce turned to see Clark had raced to his side. Clearly he had been eavesdropping on the conversation. But the expression in his face prevented Bruce from getting into an argument about it.
“What?” Bruce asked him, knowing something was wrong.
“Lois and Y/N were at that council meeting,” Clark breathed out.
“We’ll be there soon,” Bruce told Dick before hanging up.
Bruce thought he knew fear from the few times his boys had been in trouble. But it was nothing compared to the fear he had knowing it was Y/N this time. She wasn’t a trained vigilante; she was just an innocent civilian. Bruce had not insured that she was trained and could take care of herself.
As soon as Clark dropped them on the ground, they were in the midst of the chaos.
“Lois!” Clark yelled.
People were too distracted to notice Superman and Batman had arrived.
Bruce looked over to see Lois rushing to Clark. He could tell it took all of Clark’s willpower not to embrace Lois from his relief.
“Are you OK?” Clark asked as he dipped his head and his eyes raced across his wife’s body.
“I-I’m fine. I got lucky. Somehow I was out of range of the gas explosion.”
“Y/N?” Bruce interrupted. “Did you see Y/N?”
“She was helping these kids get out and I was getting shoved out of the building. I tried to get to her but it was impossible with everyone’s panic. I think she’s still in there.”
Before Bruce could turn to Clark to come up with a plan, Clark flew into the building. A few people finally noticed the presence of superheroes and started murmuring.
“Nightwing, Red Hood – I’m at the front entrance of City Hall.”
Clark flew back to them not even 30 seconds later.
Y/N was unconscious in his arms.
“Oh my god,” Lois muttered at Y/N’s condition.
“She’s gone into shock. We need to get her to the medics,” Clark informed them. “She was exposed to the toxin more than the others.”
But Bruce was already shaking his head. “They won’t be able to help her.”
Clark gently handed Y/N to Bruce as he explained, “There are others in there.”
Just then Nightwing and Red Hood dropped in front of them.
Nightwing immediately recognized Y/N and his eyes shot up to Bruce with worry.
“Nightwing, I need you to take her back to the cave,” he tried to sound as controlled as possible.
Bruce was confused why Dick hesitated to take Y/N out of his arms.
“Do you have the batmobile? I brought my motorcycle,” Dick sounded apologetic when he explained.
Jason stepped forward before Bruce could answer. “I got her.”
As if she were the most fragile being ever, Jason carefully took Y/N’s unconscious body from Bruce’s grip. He could see in Bruce’s gaze that she was someone special. How and why, Jason would figure out later. 
Jason had seen Y/N trying to help as many people before she was completely poisoned from the toxin. She’d risked her life to help. 
Watching Jason cradle her into his body caught Clark off guard, always seeing the brute strength and almost animalistic energy from Red Hood whenever they so happened to fight beside each other.
“Meet us at the cave,” Bruce clarified. “Alfred will know what to do. We have to help out here more.”
Jason nodded before he hurried away with her and rushed to his hidden car.  
——————
Y/N’s eyes snapped open and she shot up, sitting in a cot.
“Hey, hey, hey,” a voice she didn’t recognize said beside her. “You gotta relax.”
She turned to see a mammoth of a man sitting beside her, wearing vigilante gear with at least two guns being displayed at his sides. But it was the red helmet completely hiding his face and true voice that made Y/N feel uncomfortable.
“What the fuck,” she groaned at the sight of him.
Just a few seconds later, two men rushed into the room.
Bruce walked in still in his Batman uniform, but without his cowl – to Jason’s shock.
Clark was beside him, making Jason confused as to why he was still here. Surely he would want to be with Lois. 
Y/N took in the sight before her.
“You were poisoned with a new strand of Scarecrow’s toxin,” Superman explained.
Y/N had seen plenty of pictures and shaky video of him. But now that the man stood before her, she immediately recognized him.
“Clark?” She gasped.
He didn’t say anything. But his expression didn’t fight her realization, just silently waited for the truth to settle.
“Does Lois know?” Was her next question.
Clark smirked at that. “Of course.”
Y/N gave a slight nod.
But now her attention switched to Bruce. 
The Batman symbol was large across his chest, and his cape was still intact.
She looked around her surroundings and then up at the ceiling.
They were in a cave.
“You’re…you’re…” she couldn’t finish her sentence.
“Batman,” Bruce finally offered.
Y/N’s eyes were wide with panic.
How was this possible?
Now that the others had exposed their identity, Jason felt inclined to take off his helmet. Clearly, it was making her uncomfortable.
The hiss of his helmet being removed caused Y/N to finally look away from her father and to Jason, who still wore a domino mask. But it was far less frightening than the helmet.
“We’ll give you two a moment alone,” Clark spoke for both him and Jason.
Jason nodded and stood up from the seat beside Y/N, and walked out. 
Clark lingered in the doorway. “I’ll be right outside if you need me,” he told her.
He might’ve revealed his Superman identity to her, but she was still his friend.
Y/N managed to nod in thanks, but was clearly still shook by all this news.
Bruce very slowly made his way to the chair that Jason had just been sitting in.
“How are you feeling?”
She shook her head. “Body’s sore. Migraine is killing me. What happened?”
“You were more exposed to the toxin more than the other victims. Jason brought you here. We had to make a new anecdote, and quickly.”
Bruce wanted to add that she could’ve died. But he didn’t see the use in scaring her.
“Oh,” was all she managed to mumble.
An awkward silence settled between them.
“Very few people know the truth about me,” Bruce explained.
Y/N’s gaze flickered up from her lap to look at him.
“I don’t expect you to forgive me. But I figured I couldn’t ask you to allow me into your world if I didn’t allow you into mine.”
She was silent.
“Y/N…” Bruce cleared his throat. The time had come. “The reason I left your mother was because I was starting this life. I pushed her away to protect her. I knew I couldn’t be the man she deserved while also being Batman. Had I known the truth…”
His words died out. It was starting to become harder to control his emotions.
He leaned forward in his chair, just getting slightly closer to her.
“Had I known about you, I would’ve…” He cleared his throat to try and hold back his tears. “I never would’ve abandoned you or your mother.”
He leaned back then. “But I know those are just words. And to you, they probably sound like empty promises for the past.”
“She never knew?” Y/N whispered.
In the few moments she was allowed to process this information, her mind immediately wondered if her mom had known about Bruce’s double life all along. And that’s why she kept him away from her.
Bruce shook his head.
“Thank you…for trusting me enough to tell me your secret,” Y/N finally told him. “I promise I’ll never tell anyone,” she quickly added, feeling like she just needed to clarify that to him.
He gave her a small small, “I know.”
Y/N winced as she thought about how terrible she’d been to him all this time. Now that she knew the truth – the whole truth – she was looking at everything with a new perspective. Even what she knew about Bruce Wayne, the spoiled socialite... it was clearly all wrong. 
He used it as a cover. It was all a cover.
“I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you,” she whispered shakily.
But Bruce shook his head before she could even get the apology out.
“Do you think it’s too late for us?” She breathed. 
Could they ever find any fragment of a father-daughter relationship?
Y/N was an adult – she had been for years now. And she made it clear she didn’t need nor want a father.
“Believe it or not, this isn’t the first time this has happened to me,” Bruce sighed.
Her brow furrowed. “This meaning…?”
“My son, Damian. His mother kept him a secret from me. She didn’t reveal his existence until he was nine. And she only did it in an attempt to disrupt my life.”
“This seems to be a rather strange pattern in your life,” Y/N couldn’t help but point out.
Bruce glared at her, causing her to chuckle.
“My point is,” he continued, “I don’t think it’s ever too late.” And he cleared his throat quickly. “That is, if you want to try.”
“I think I do,” she answered with a shy smile.
It was the first time she’d done so in his presence.
“I don’t know anything about raising a daughter,” Bruce rubbed his face as he attempted to make the joke. But she could tell there was sincerity there, too.
“Well, I’ve already been raised,” Y/N laughed.
There.
That laugh.
It brought Bruce back to his teenage years. It sounded so much like her mother. Her face lit up just like her’s had.
“You remind me so much of your mother,” he gasped.
Her face dropped at his confession.
“Really?”
He nodded. “She said you were just like me. But there’s more of her in you than I think she ever realized.”
Bruce saw his much his words effected her.
Y/N’s eyes were shiny with tears, but she managed to hold them back.
“So what now?” She quickly asked, obviously trying to distract herself so she wouldn’t have a complete emotional breakdown.
“Well, Alfred should have dinner ready soon. Would you stay?”
She gave him a tear-filled smile. “I’d like that.”
“You can meet the rest of them,” Bruce told her casually as he stood.
“The rest of them?”
He nodded. “Well, you only have to meet Damian now. You already met Jason, Dick, and Tim in passing.”
“And here I thought you had no idea how to be a father…” Y/N muttered with amusement.
Bruce helped her get out of bed, making sure she was alright to stand and walk on her own.
“Well, depending on which of them you ask, they might tell you that you’re right.”
--------------------
Thank you to everyone who read the first part. Let me know what you think <3
BONUS: This Game of Ours
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yoyo-inspace · 3 years ago
Text
So here’s the thing.
The loudest fan discourse regularly exhausts me, but something I’ve found very interesting to see over various social media platforms is that the most vocal supporters of each “team” seem to think that the show is favouring the other side. Plenty of self-proclaimed Team Green who calls the show pro-Black, talking about how they’re making Rhaenyra way too sympathetic, and plenty of Team Black who do the same but for Alicent. I’ve also seen them talk about how the show chooses not to have the characters do certain things that were in the book and they’re usually disappointed their faves (or the ones they hate) are getting painted in a more sympathetic (or less sympathetic) light. I find that thoroughly fascinating, and at the same time I can’t help but ask myself - wasn’t this the point? 
HOTD is an adaption. However, it is slightly unique as an adaption in that it is based on an in-universe history accounts. The show-creators’ job is not just to go through the text as it is and pick which account is the most likely and then adapt that - which is what I feel that certain fans have expected them to do. It is to see past that. They’ve said it in several interviews, but their mission is to look at this “historical” text and not only say “there are unreliable narrators with stories that contradict” but also to see it for what it is: history written by men - and by victors, by clergy, by gossipers, by people in power, etc. And to look at the text through that lens and ask themselves: who could the real people behind these descriptions have been? What kind of person could this man or woman actually have been to make historians describe them like this? Was it an exaggeration? Was it a simplification? Was someone trying to villainize or sanatize or make a cautionary tale? Were they trying to set an example? Was it a straight up lie? Was it true but twisted?
Anyone who goes at the text with that kind of analysis is of course going to come away with different interpretations. That’s part of the game. But that’s true for real life as well. We can look at the figures of our history and try to imagine who they were as people. We can get clues through letters and contemporary accounts. But we can never know. 
I think that’s what’s caused some book fans to be unhappy. They had their own interpretation of who the characters behind the historical accounts were. And sometimes those characters that they imagined were exactly like the accounts described. They picked an account and deemed that to be the most trustworthy and now they’re upset that the characters they’ve imagined are not the ones being portrayed on screen. However, I don’t see that as a falling with the show. I see it as one of its greatest strengths. I’m not saying it’s above criticism, even criticism of adaptational choices. But I think some of the criticism that is presented as objective, in a way, is instead highly subjective and not necessarily what would have made the best television. 
The thing is, I see a lot of people saying that the characters aren’t grey enough. Idk if it’s just me, but I think we’re still stuck in this moralistic thinking when we talk about characters being “grey”, even as it tries to put shades into black and white. What I’m seeing is a tv show that portrays people. And they’re portraying people very well. People who do good things, who love each other, and those people being the same people who also commit heinous acts and hurt each other terribly. I see a show that is making a very good attempt at explaining why people in these situations would act like this - especially women. “I want both sides to be portrayed as equally wrong” - but even in the source material there were glimpses of another story behind. I’m just surprised that so few people who talk so loudly seem to ask themselves “what could have been the purpose of portraying this woman in history as power hungry” and just decided to go with it instead. Not because there haven’t been power-hungry women in history- there definitely has - but because the history writing is specifically what this show wants to examine. Of course they’re going to problematize it. The show has taken that story and made it fundamentally about gender and power structures and generational trauma. If your “grey characters” stop being grey to you the moment they do an act that you see as good or an act you see as bad and that completely flips the switch for you, then we have very different definitions of a so called “grey character”. 
All these people (who I know are probably quite a small part of the fanbase) are so vocally upset about characters being given more sympathetic portrayals than they think they “deserve”, or characters turning out to be shittier people due to their circumstances than fans would want, that they have to set it out as their mission to try and ruin it for others who are enjoying it, and that is where I think the real shame is. I suppose I just can’t relate to that way of looking at it. Though fans rewriting the narrative of the show and the text even when it’s presented to us, I suppose is the most predictable and poetically ironic way this could all play out. Life imitates art as it imitates life, and all that. 
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