#i can’t even articulate how i feel rn…….. i’m so everything……

[achilleslyre]

H.HELLO ????

[yaralulu]

Thank you for tagging me @the-darkestminds @zenkindoflove <33

1. How many works do you have on AO3? Veryyy new to all this so 4 rn !!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

24,076 (like i said im still a baby to all this )

3. What fandoms do you write for? ACOTAR

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Dressing Room Dilemma 

A Ghost We Both Know

Just A Tug

Want By Proxy

5. Do you respond to comments? Definitely!! Comments are such a serotonin boost and I love responding to people and thanking them for commenting because it genuinely means the world to me.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? A Ghost We Both Know has a very angsty ending. I’ve had a few people even ask for a second chapter but I fear the angst is the end of it.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I’d say Just A Tug has a very fluffy ending.

8. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yes. I’m very new to it and quite frankly I have no idea what I’m doing and it sometimes feel like torture but I can’t stop writing it LOL. I’m learning as I go on so every time I write something I’m basically experimenting but I do feel most comfortable writing queer smut.

9. Do you write crossovers? No. Not something I read or write.

10. Have you ever had a fic translated? No

11. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No but sounds very fun.

12. What is your all-time favorite ship? If we’re talking ACOTAR it’s Tamcien ��🤭

13. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I have this very unhinged tamcien/elucien cheating fic that’s just dialogue in a document somewhere and it’s never seeing the light of day.

14. What are your writing strengths? Dialogue!! Most of my fics stem from random dialogue scenes I’ve made up in my head and I think I do a good job writing realistic fun dialogue. I think I’m fairly good at writing the overall scenes too—speech tags and tones,character expressions,introspection between all that. I like my dialogue scenes to be very detailed.

15. What are your writing weaknesses?  Still very new to writing so to me everything 😅? But mainly descriptions of sceneries and surroundings. It’s such a specific skill to be able to capture surroundings into words and articulate it well and make it sound beautiful and I’m just not there yet.

16. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? The idea of using google translate and someone noticing its all so off is just a big no to me. I do however speak arabic so 👀👀

17. First fandom you wrote for? ACOTAR

18. Favorite fic you’ve written? Surprisingly my most recent luzriel fic. I really struggled with writing it bc I was going through probably the most stressful weeks of my life but I somehow finished it and it was exactly what I imagined?? I had such a vivid image of what it looked like and I feel like I conveyed that really well. 

It’s also such a rarepair and there’s no scenes of them even remotely interacting so I had to build their dynamic from the ground up. It was a challenge to write a character like Azriel who I don’t really read too many fics about and is also so enigmatic in the books. I had to do so much research on that man like I was out here searching what he smells like. I know him too well now.

Ok i’m done talking.

Pretty much everyone has already done this but if you haven’t, pretend I tagged you 🙏!!

[ghouldump]

https://www.tumblr.com/ghouldump/766640228765253632?source=share

girl, after the election results, I been struggling to enjoy my hobbies and just life in general, like I feel like I’m in survival mode right now ugh. I been tryna write, tryna read fanfic, tryna watch my shows, but I just can’t. I keep struggling to immerse myself back into anything. Which is crazy because three days ago, I was FULLY immersed.

I was so pissed off at work today because my coworkers and bosses were smiling and laughing and my problem causing brain was thinking… ain’t shit funny rn. There’s nothing to laugh or smile about rn, I don’t know why these people laughing. lol I’ve been such a bitch.

How are you managing to keep writing and keep creating? I try to put pen to paper and then remember about the upcoming book ban and the upcoming censoring of certain types of media such as fanfic (which is overwhelmingly queer and obviously involves explicit content) and all momentum leaves me. And think about it. IWTV is the literal definition of queer… they’re not gonna allow us to watch it once he outlaws all queer media. I could be reading a fanfic and then all of a sudden think about how this might be the last time I read it freely online before that man’s inauguration. I’m just so… ugh.

Yeah, I agree that everything is going to shit, but- I’m trying to find the proper way to articulate my stance. I’ve been through hell all my life, things I would never want anyone to go through, but through healing, I have been able to become…relaxed. I live day to day, we can't think about tomorrow because it has a mind of its own. Hell, we’re not even promised a tomorrow, no one is.

There is nothing we can do (I mean make sure you vote during midterms!!!) but there is nothing we can really do to stop the government as ordinary citizens, and so all we can do is keep living. The book ban, for now, will be only for schools and public libraries (not taking away from the fact that it is still terrible).

I love reading, I love writing, I love fanfiction, and I LOVE IWTV and I won't stop what I love, because of circumstances that are to come until the platform is completely gone, until my home library is gone, until my pencil, phone, and computer is torn from my hands.

Stay educated, but remember to live for today and appreciate today, because we don't know tomorrow. The future is scary, but if all of this is gone in a few weeks, a few months, few years, I want to look back and know that I enjoyed sharing my craft with others who have loved it just as much before it was all over.

I hope this helps, I understand and hear how you feel 🩷

[snarky-art]

if you don’t mind explaining, what are each of the specialists’ relationships with their formerly assigned winx members?

Sure!

Biggest changes out of the way first:

Musa and Riven aren’t together. They start dating near the end of s1 and then break up around 3/4 of the way into s2, basically before the big final battles are launched in Shadow Haunt. They start off a somewhat awkward friendship in s3, and after everything is done at the end of SotLK, they’re pretty solid friends.

Aisha and Nabu aren’t together ever, but fear not they’re besties.

Sky and Bloom start dating near the end of s1 and have a kind of flirtationship during s1, although Bloom takes longer to warm up to him that Sky does to her. They date through s2 and s3 and SotLK, and they’re just as messy as they are in canon. S4, it’s getting to be too much though for Bloom, especially with dealing with balancing Domino and Earth life and getting accustomed to royal life bs and learning an entire culture and history. Bloom’s still very real inferiority issues and messy relationship with her parents are present too because they have to learn who they are as individuals while also trying to overcompensate with each other, Bloom because she’s not Daphne and her parents because they want her to feel she really is their daughter and they love her even though they weren’t there for her whole life and they’re literally strangers to each other with only a blood familial tie and giant legacy holding them together, but this results in putting a shit ton of Domino Court shit on her (gotta make sure she’s included and knows they see her as their daughter and rightful heir despite everything that happened before) and it’s too much too much too much. S4 in my thing is partially Bloom running the fuck away from her responsibilities in the magical world, Domino specifically. She goes “oh I gotta go to Alfea to talk about stuff bye. Oh look, a big thing on Earth what a happy coincidence ok bye for who knows how long I gotta go-“ Her relationships are kinda strained in general in s4 since she isn’t great at handling pressure still, and Sky and her are still having the same issues of not communicating well about stuff and Bloom can’t even articulate everything rn and doesn’t know where to start and now she has to worry about potential queen regency stuff and stretching herself not only between Earth and Domino, but Eraklyon too? No, she can’t do this. She’s tired. She breaks up with him before the big final battle shenanigans and she does it super suddenly and loudly and then dips as per usual and Sky is like. “Wtf? Yo what the actual-“ They talk about it eventually near the end of s4 and Sky is rightfully miffed at how this has been handled and how Bloom is still. Running. Away. He hasn’t been the best to her he admits that but she’s also still doing the same things when backed into a corner. And that’s,, kinda the whole point. They’ve grown the most outside of each other, and then when with each other, are perpetuating the same things that are causing issues. Sky goes we could really work on it this time. Bloom says no, I’m too tired, and for once with Bloom looking at hindsight instead of thinking moment to moment for her basic non magical life stuff, she goes if we weren’t growing and trying to be better for each other the way we should’ve for 3 years, what makes this time different? And that’s that. They don’t really talk much for the first half of s5 but they still have to work together, and it’s Weird, but it eventually gets better. Bloom is trying to get better about not running, and she did enjoy Sky, just not as a partner by the end of it all, and Sky still thinks he and Bloom had some good times together and that she’s fun, so maybe they can try getting to know each other again? As friends this time. And they have a decent start to a proper friendship by the beginning of s6, ending s5 as close acquaintances. They don’t become besties or anything, but they’re close friends and they know they can count on each other.

Flora and Helia is the same as canon. They get together by the end of s2 and are adorable.

Tecna and Timmy get together in s2 and are also adorable.

Brandon and Stella get together in s1 and are the flirty fun sassy couple that everyone knows and loves.

[strawberryloveyyy]

You’d have to stop the world just to stop the feeling. That specific line drives me nuts in the best way ever, really. I find myself relating to it more than everything rn.

I like girls. I cannot help it. And it’s not something I don’t think anyone can change. No me, my mom, or anyone at all. No matter how hard you fight it or how much you try to deny it, it will always deep through all that denial, and rejection.

Even as a kid I wasn’t really aware I could like girls as one. The concept wasn’t something that crossed my mind at all actually. I always had these favourite characters as a kid that were always these female characters that I admired and found really pretty. And I would obsess over them a lot. And when I say obsess over them I mean, OBSESS over them. It was something I really enjoyed doing now that I think of it 😭

Of course as I said I wasn’t really aware of that yet. And as a kid I always dreamt of loving, and being loved by someone. To think of it, I never dreamt of loving a man specifically. I was detrimentally captivated at the thought of there being someone out there for you. And of course society has conformed us to think and do things with a shallow perspective, so I was under the impression that whom I’d end up with would be a man. Yet it always felt uncomfortable. It stirred pure discomfort whenever someone would bring up having a boyfriend in the future, it was so torturous and aggravating. I’m not quite sure why I hadn’t realized it sooner enough that I was a lesbian 😭

Right now the one thing that’s been bothering me is that my mom is pushing ideas that this guy friend I have could be a possible candidate or fucking whatever. She knows I’m a lesbian. I’ve been out for months. MONTHS. And I am irrevocably pissed. I am also now uncomfortable whenever I see him, just the thought of him liking me makes me want to kill myself. This has been a constant fear for months to be honest, I’ve observed that he tends to be someone who’s clingy and overly caring to people he likes. Which I’ve realized when he started to like one of my best friends which gave me the most relief. Then he got rejected by her … but now he’s starting to talk to me more often than he did and it’s making uncomfortable. I don’t blame him at all. And I really do think it’s just me and my own personal problems with myself. But I think I might start setting a boundary. Also what’s worse is we’re singing a duet at the end of the month which is pretty romantic song. It’s I see the light from tangled. And it’s hard to sing when you really can’t see yourself being that that person romantically ever. So goodluck to me.

But overall I’m so very pissed at my mother for denying my identity. I’m so angry I can’t even articulate my feelings properly. For MONTHS she’s known I liked girls, she’s done nothing but constantly belittle and deny it. She says and I kid you not quote “what purpose would you serve as a woman if you don’t have children”

EXCUSE ME?? EXCUSE ME. What world do you live in to make you say such a thing? There’s so much more to women than a mother. Not everyone is built for the kind of life society set as a standard.

[kulekrizpy]

my friend/ex was really upset yesterday. his body is all messed up from various injuries, he needs dental work. i told him to call out of work bc he wasn’t going to get any sleep before his shift

he moved near his hometown with some planning but not a lot. he wants to go to school. but he won’t have in-state tuition since he was living in my state prior to moving. he works really hard at work but it’s physical labor and it only makes his health issues worse. he also doesn’t want to move up to a less labor-intensive position :/ he honestly needs to take medical leave

and he’s upset with my brother for various reasons, but last night he was drinking and it all came out and he messaged my brother and my mother about how upset he was about my brother breaking something of mine and not paying in full to replace it. he’s struggling with money on his own and he resents my brother for having a cushy job that he complains about and flouts authority on. in many ways my brother IS entitled and probably WOULD benefit from being punched in the face at least once for his shitty political views, especially bc my ex is genderqueer. but he has definitely not spoken frankly about it with my brother

speaking of which, now he’s in a less accepting place and tho he “toned down the queer” he still gets looks from ppl and it’s stressing him out a lot. he worries about going thru backroads in case his car breaks down and someone kills him

all his friends from back home are druggies or complete deadbeats or both and he’s had a falling out with everyone since he moved. he’s also worried one of his older friends won’t live beyond this year. so now all the friends he does rely on are in my area and not his and he’s very lonely and isolated. and that also means i’m his best friend rn, which he’s told me several times

a week or so ago he wanted to make a risky and illegal change in career and after i told him i wouldn’t have been friends with him anymore if he decided to do it, he told me he still wants to fuck me. when i told him i can’t be casual with him anymore so don’t say that, he said he didn’t say it properly and that he meant he wants to be with me, eventually. and it’s just a whole fucking thing. he can’t even articulate what he wants. i told him not to mention it again unless he was sure and confident he could actually be a good partner to me. and i told him i need time to get over him too

and last night, we were chatting and i realized he’d been drinking, and he’s in a negative spiral/combative. he messaged my family. i told him he should wait til the morning and he did it anyway. at that point i said whatever. the call dragged on for hours tho he needed to sleep for work. he was in such a state i didn’t feel comfortable getting off the phone with him in case he did something very risky, like driving drunk or idk what else. he talked about wanting to lay down on some train tracks…

AND he called me again at work the other day. like. on the work phone. he used to work there but it’s just… not professional. feels weird. esp bc he was doing it cuz he was drunk. told him to text or call my phone next time

he gets drunk and disregards boundaries. bc he also mentioned the dating thing last night while we were talking. and when i told him not to he sidestepped and kept going on about whatever rant. and he just argues abt everything when he’s drunk. DUMB shit. like me taking my bike apart to store it easier. like bruh leave me alone ??

in the end he called out of work, then talked to his sister and i guess she convinced him to drive up instead of doing something dumber. i asked if he was sober enough and he said yeah. which he would’ve said no matter what i’m sure :|

so. he got to his family’s place and i guess i’ll see him today sometime. i told him i don’t want to drink and my brother doesn’t wanna drink with him either, so we’ll avoid that at our house at least

he’s trying, but he’s also falling back on stupid habits. i just hope he can figure out how to get the help he needs

and i need to figure out how to keep my boundaries

the cats woke me up earlier. i need to sleep more before i see him. good night

[seeingivy]

Your brain during every fucking roommates chapter:

Me in the comments trying to make you comprehend how much I fucking love you and your writing:

Babes you’ve absolutely out done yourself in every fucking chapter I’m obsessed with everything you write I can’t even fathom the words to articulate what I feel for your work, like I’d need to create a whole new language to conceptualize it 🥰😭💍💕

YOU ARE SO BAE, WIFEY, LOVE OF MY LIFE, ANGEL OF THE UNIVERSE RN. like ur such a sweetie pie ur lil roommates commentary was always SO SO FUNNY AND MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD I'm so glad you liked the end 😭

[choiscore]

moc ch. 49: a collection of random notes

to @hongism 💌

hi caly! <3 this is anon 🧸 speaking.

today i’m trying something new. im reading the new chapter and annotating every thought i have while doing it so that nothing that i want to say has the CHANCE to be forgotten. this will be LONNNNG. im sorry but it’s what you deserve (in a positive way ofc). so if like there’s a plot twist or something that’ll shake me to my core further down the chapter, im not there yet. that’s why i sound calm. i’ve not started reading yet, that’s the actually the reason im calm at all! now let’s start <3 you’re in for a ride my beloved im sorry in advance.

also i was obviously inspired to do this by @marknee’s post but my thoughts aren’t nearly as articulate and detailed as theirs. this is real this is me 🧍‍♀️ my rambling wouldn’t fit in one or two or even three asks

the first scene with mingi was funny. it’s a first to see him relaxed like this. he cracked a joke AND smiled??? groundbreaking. i love his dynamic with mc and w everyone in the crew tbh. i feel like he has so much to show us yet!!

nightingale. oof, the part where he asks if mc was in bed with san when he told her about him was a low blow. and nightingale implying that san could be lying…. i know you said he’s being more sincere than we think but i can’t help being suspicious of him :-( i love my baby but he IS SUS. also i picture nightingale looking something like a cyborg with the glowing eye is that weird? i dig his look 😎 also we all know that san did some really bad stuff in the past and he’s dangerous dangerous but id really love to see him lose it. just truly be the scourge’s dog. but preferably away from any of the crew members please.

“What if he asks San to kill next time? Then what?” uh this seems like it’s foreshadowing something. i wasn’t that serious CALY IM SCARED

“I did too, at one point. Until San asked to take me to the brig one day. Even when I was fully in the mouth of a monster, I did not feel it. Not until he clamped his jaw down around me.” yeah san scares me im scared of what he’s capable of im shaking in my boots rn but at the same time it’s kinda attractive ngl i just don’t want him to hurt anyone we love!!!! 😭

“You wish to know the ins and outs of how things turned out the way they did if only to know how to avoid the same fate for yourself later down the line.” she is smart yeah that’s what im talking about!!! sick curiosity + being kinda scared + the need/want to feel safe is something i’ll never get tired of. i think it’s human nature to be attracted to extreme experiences and concepts that like push the limits of everything you’ve ever known while also knowing that you’ll never be the same if you really go after those things. that’s part of being alive ;-)

“[…] I climbed over her dead body and I reached into that man’s chest to break it open and squeeze the life of his heart.” is this the same thing she did to the security guard or like she literally opened his chest up? 👁️

fuck san and mc have a lot in common don’t they. they’re both so powerful and dangerous but at the same time they seem so afraid of what they’re capable of… i mean i don’t know if san truly is, but some part of me feels like he’s scared he can lose control and hurt someone he loves… on the other hand, i don’t know if mc knows the true extent of her powers and that >is< scary.

i LOVE jongho and mc’s relationship. they’re one of my favorites my babies i love them!!! not luca giving them 1 (one) chocolate whdnshxhqvdba cute!!! / “Yes, I’ll see you later, woman! We fuckin’ live together, it’s not like you’re going off to war,” i love them i do!!!!

“No, but Vida in general is nothing pleasant.” this is funny because vida in portuguese means life. yeah jongho life is nothing pleasant sometimes you’re right…. also why did you choose this name, caly? im so interested in moc lore 🥸

not san being a fucking menace and scaring jongho??? i can see him standing in the dark staring at poor jongho hiding in his little corner like 🧍‍♂️ also im so intrigued by san and hongjoong’s relationship. he has the same authority as seonghwa, huh? interesting. kinda terrifying. is san scared of hongjoong? 🤔

hongjoong is so petty oh my godddddhhgg i know he’s like that in real life too. changing the course of the ship to somewhere else bc jongho wanted to get off at the next stop? petty bitch

“You’re making a home in a house that does not belong to you, though that is not entirely your fault. San has let you in. Now Nightingale has pulled up a chair for you at the table. I suppose all that’s left is for either Hongjoong or myself to open all the closet doors so that the skeletons can fall out.” it’s not like i haven’t told you this before, but im in LOVE with your writing caly. i don’t have enough vocabulary for this but i could read whatever you write forever. this snippet in particular is so cool, the house metaphor… I love it!

“Did you only fuck me because it reminded you of Hongjoong?” oh fuck here we go im grabbing my popcorn. oh my god mc is going for hwa’s throat but she’s SO RIGHT slay queen / “You were never after anything more than sex but you hoped it would change things?” oop 🫣 he caught her there i’ll say that

jfc how did they start ripping each other apart so quickly the tension snapped in like a second??? also hwa pointing that mc hates hongjoong so much that she considers anyone that cares about him idiots… i mean. i sincerely cannot believe that anyone likes him for the person he is. the captain is not a good person. yes i love him, i do, but he’s goddamn awful. my point being that those who care about him only do because, like hwa said, he gave the crew a safe space AND he manipulated those around him because he has that power. they care about joong because they have to, it’s a safety measure… / “When your hatred turns to infatuation, I’ll be sure to tell you all the ways in which Hongjoong has orchestrated the destruction of your psyche since your arrival here.” I AM ABSOLUTELY SCREAMING / mc is so mad that hwa is implying that she wants hongjoong i can’t wait to see where this takes us i’d pay to see them together djahsnshqvvsbabsjab?-!:!/$/!

“Take a long hard look at yourself, Y/n. A woman who was just on her knees before me. Pliant, obedient, with no control to call her own. Isn’t that where you belong, Y/n? My pretty weapon, my pretty Siren, my pretty treasure.” wow this whole scene w hongjoong. i held my breath the entire time jesus christ it was so INTENSE i don’t even know what to say, my thoughts are still processing. hongjoong is truly worthy of the scourge title, i could feel his madness and the humiliation mc was feeling through the screen…

hoooo okay. why do i feel like san is trying to manipulate mc with sex? with the lovely words and touches just like nightingale said? it doesn’t sit well with me the way he started to eat her out while she was crying, it truly doesn’t…. and not her seeing hongjoong while she’s with san??? this is so twisted oh my god

SAN CALLING HER MY TREASURE WAS SO FUCKING INTENTIONAL AND THE WAY HE KNEW HONGJOONG WAS GOING TO MAKE HER HIS LEFT HAND FOR THE MISSION CALY HE KNOWS EVERYTHING HE DOES!!!!! fuck i don’t trust san AT ALL he probably knows about what hongjoong did to mc and he’s trying to excuse everything his beloved captain does!!! fucking scourge!!!!

ugh caly this was a ride i feel like crying bc i missed moc so much! it’s always such a pleasure to wait and read what that beautiful brain of yours comes up with!!! it’s always worth it. thank you so much for sharing this absolute gem of a story with us. 💗 can’t wait for the interim!

[sanguinewolves]

hey

you are genuinely one of the smartest, kindest, creativest, most interesting people who I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting, and it’s actually an honor to call you my friend, and for us to her best friends no less

I’m sorry if this is annoying but I just wanted to make sure I told you I love you platonicly so so much. incase we all die tomorrow and I never see you again

I trust you with everything from holding something for me while my hands are full to my literal life. You are The person of all time.

I’m not very good with words but I spend a lot of time thinking about you and you always make me happy. To have you be my first thought so often and I’m so many situations is just.. you just make me so incredibly happy. You’re one of the very few reasons I’m glad I moved here

I love all your thoughts, from your most profound, to your analytical talk about little guys, to silly inside jokes that don’t make sense even to us

I love spending time with you both in silence and when we talk for hours about everything and nothing at all

I always feel safe with you and it’s always crazy to me how well you understand, I am so glad to be with you, even when we’re soul crushingly sad and feel like we maybe can’t go on

I love your success and your failures and your strengths and your flaws

I love you just the way you are, and how you were, and how you will be

I’ll always be there for you, even if we’re a million miles apart, I’ll be there whatever happens

i dont have the energy right now to write out like. an articulate pretty response to this or type multiple paragraphs like you but. all the same right back at you. i love you and youre my best friend and ill always be there for you and i hope we never stop being best friends. youre my favorite person in the world and. again i dont have energy to write a lot rn but. you get what im saying

[fair-dinkum-mechanic]

Not to be too much or whatever but Barbie hasn’t left my mind and it has made me really fucking realise why I appreciate the women in my life so much and why I’ve always had such an issue with men and masculinity my whole life.

Thinking on my mum, my sister, my niece, my co workers, my best friends. Honest to god. Yeah I have men in my life that I love dearly and just as much as the girls but I’m surrounded by 95% women and that’s just how it is and I will never and don’t ever want to change that. Even us gay men replicate the toxic masculinity, rape culture, and obsession with sex and status. And I fully fucking reject it.

I LOVE the women in my life and I LOVE the men I’ve got in my life too. I don’t have any room for men with toxic or arrogant traits and I have no space for that culture either. I’m here for love and dreams and kindness. Everything else can go fuck itself. That movie really opened my eyes as to why I’ve been in such terrifying and traumatic times lately. And it was all because of men and what they’ve done to the world.

Idk I can’t fully articulate how I feel about it. But I just wanna hug every girly I know rn lmao. But my close guy friends mean the world to me as well make NO mistake about that.

[thetismcave]

First of all boreas:

Also, spoilers

“With my back on the floor, cold linoleum icing my growing pains”

Growing up and changing is fucking hard, and chip has been doing a lot of it over the course of the campaign

“My threads are coming loose”

He’s been losing his memories, even before he became undead

“I’m one spoon away from setting the ends of my hair on fire”

He’s fire coded and stressed, what more do you need

“If I’m kindling for a little while, at least I’d feel of use”

He feels like the weak link in the trio, not heroic enough, not touched by divinity like the other two are, and feels like other people would be better at captaining than him (tho that has gotten a little better lately). He also can be self destructive when if he thinks it will help his crew, or even strangers.

“Maybe then my breath could embody a wildfire starting”

He’s so fire coded. I love exploring the different facets of what that fire could mean <3

“And my body’d breath life into the corners, be a darker soil”

He does want to help people, he wants to save his family, he wants to help his crew, but sometimes he feels like he’s dragging them all down with him

“I swing from believing that maybe my working will all pay off-”

He’s worked hard and done so much and he has hope, for Arlin, for a future with his crew mates, for himself

“-to considering drinking with Molotov, I’m halfway out the door”

There are points where he feels like he hasn’t gotten anywhere at all, where he reverts in the face of danger or people he feels are simply better than he is. The halfway out the door specifically reminds me of the time he was considering leaving the crew in liquidus, and more recently the time he almost went to the hole in the sea alone

“Promise me that you’ll start where I end, and I promise to give you everything that I am”

Albatrio <3 they’re all so similar yet so different it makes me insane

“All I hope for is to be a bit of warmth for you, when there’s not a lot of warmth to go around”

Honestly I can’t articulate much about how I feel about this line, but it fits so well. They’re in a cold place rn, but also he spent a lot of his childhood in hostile environments and/or alone, he knows hardship, and he wants to stick with his captains through it, keeping them warm in the face of that cold

I’m gonna do earth next :)

I’m actually so obsessed with the combinations of chip with boreas by the oh hellos and earth by sleeping at last, I need someone else to see the Vision

[banglatown]

.

[kallikrein]

like fr introduce your moots as tokyo rev characters ♡

oooo this ask is nice. lemme just…

i’m just gonna do the ppl i interact with most times. since i’m kinda anxious to pop on anyone else’s notification, and have them confused as to why i called them my moot lmfksks.

@sugokawata — nahoya. NAHOYA. NAHOYA. why? she’ll smile at you, maybe laugh at your cringy jokes but behind that happy facade is a “i’m gonna k-word you with love and adoration, here have a punch as a symbol of my affection” objective /pos. love this tsundere mfer <3

@/schiros — kakucho, i guess. she’s loyal to her friends. but she’s also weak to them (i know, she’s such a simp). but she can also bite your haters off without any explanation, will probably throw her hands and feet at them for making you feel any ounce of insecurity. reiny = nanda mfers top dog lmfaokssk.

@inupibaldspot — this little minx is baji. no, i am not shipping them rn, but they are just so alike. eve has this witty humor that never fails to crack me up, even her ideas are so wild that i can easily kin her with our yakisoba-advocate-i’m-gonna-burn-a-car-if-i-get-hungry baji keisuke.

@haruchyio — you know what, i’m just gonna say it. mikey. she’s so loveable and charming. to the point where all you’re looking forward to is talking to her. her brainwaves are something else too, like she articulate thoughts far deeper than a normal person could (aka me). and she’s also mysterious at the same time. she’s amazing, i tell you.

@baji-san — idk why but key is izana. she’s this force to reckon with, intimidating. but it doesn’t change the fact that i look up to her bcos she’s so elegant in everything she does? like how is she so perfect? yeah, i’m her simp through and through <3

@satmitsuplanet — tachibana hinata. she’s so pure, so kind and everything nice. she gives off this protective sister kind of vibe. like she’ll help you through tough times, and would always be there to support you even if you don’t talk as often. she’s just so nice, please i’m tearing up.

@wwintersun — ah, zu is chifuyu. she’s so supportive! and i also look up to her godly writing. i haven’t read all of them (i should do that really bcos they are such a treat). she’s a blog that’s so refreshing when i see her on my dash. like idk how to say it. she’s just…chifuyu. so heartwarming and friendly ;-;

@lostinthe-jojos — draken. idk why but he easily comes to mind. it’s just itzel is dedicated and you can just click with them the first time you talk. they also scream badassery. like try to annoy them, and they won’t hesitate to put you in your place lmfksks /pos.

@kakuchew — chewy is also chifuyu. she’s this loving person, oozing of great ideas (especially her bd founders headcanons… chef’s kiss) that i just wanna give chewy the best. she deserves everything. if i can just hug her through the screen, i’ve probably done it.

@mochi-coffee — AAA MOCHI. I WANNA SAY WAKASA BCOS WE’RE SUCH WAKASA SIMPS. IT’S BASICALLY OUR PERSONALITY ATP LGMSKSK. for real tho, mochi is shinichiro lmfao help ;-; wait, let me explain: she’s just charismatic asf, and you can easily vibe with her? she’s this wonderful magnet of positive aura that you can’t help but revel in it? IDK. SHE’S JUST SHINICHIRO. LIKE SHE’LL DRAG YOU TO THE MOST GRUESOME BATTLEFIELD, BUT THE TWO OF YOU ARE STILL GIGGLING LIKE BABIES BCOS IDK, SHE’S HELLA FUN TO BE AROUND.

@sri-likes-to-read — sri be the takemichi to my life. a person who i feel like the same as me: a crybaby (blame our infp-ness), but we still try to see the bright side of situations, and then just sob about it later on. i’m not sure, but i already relate to sri on many levels even though we’re still getting to know each other. i love them already, they’re so nice. always indulging my waka brainrot ;-;

@roppongiperfume — can i just be naive and say, inupi? there’s something about psyche that’s mysterious yet comforting. i’m not certain, but i like it. it’s making me want to know more about her. also, tysm for matching me with shinichiro. it has never left my mind since you…matched me with him sksjsjajd.

@etheralyonn — i’ll introduce fi as hanma. she has this vibe that she likes thrills, excitement… maybe. pls correct me if i’m wrong! but she also has this undertone that she can keep you grounded. i wanna get to know her more, so i could elaborate properly lmfksks.

@sohya​ — AAAA MY BELOVED MITZI WHO GAVE ME AN INTENSE WAKA BRAINROT BCOS OF HER SELF-SHIP ART OF ME AND WAKA. i love it sm. it’s even my phone homescreen ksjdjsks. mitzi kinda screams ran? like she likes having fun and easy to be around, but she can also show dominance if you try to irritate her /pos. she’s a girl boss, me likes to think :D

@tounacasserole​ — touma is naoto. idk. they’re diligent, organized… much like naoto. but pls, let me know if i’m just assuming things lmfksks. i kinda see them as a younger sibling? one who i wanna tease for being better at most things than their older sister hahahaha. it’s out of affection, dw! ^^

i know i missed out a few ppl, but i’m not sure how to introduce them as tokrev characters since i haven’t been interacting with them that much. i’m so sorry ;-; 

[heartslobbf]

let’s talk about perfuma. imo, she’s one of the best characters in the show despite being underdeveloped, and i wanna explain why. she could’ve been extremely average, just some lanky flower girl that doesn’t believe in violence and loves everyone, but she is so much more than that (and it pisses me off that y’all reduce her to that).

in her introductory episode, perfuma is clearly in denial about the horde almost destroying plumeria. she doesn’t want to acknowledge the problem, wants someone else to take care of it for her. she’s scared of change, and that is because change makes you vulnerable. if things always stay the same, there’s a whole lot less danger and uncertainty, and therefore you’re safe. secure. perfuma’s kingdom is dying and she can’t bear to accept it because it is unknown to her. it’s putting her in a position where she is no longer secure. this fear of vulnerability can also be seen at the beginning of 1x10 when the princess alliance falls apart and she literally says ‘being together makes us vulnerable.’

the thing is, perfuma isn’t wrong. look at her choice of words. she says that being together makes them vulnerable, not weak. here, she kind of has the words mixed up, but we see that by s5 she has come to understand the difference. that’s what’s so great about perfuma, her motivation to do better, her hunger for self-improvement. it’s why she’s such an important part of catra’s redemption, actually, because she embodies the kind person catra is or wants to be.

let me explain: perfuma is an angry, impatient, short-tempered character. we are shown this again and again with her passive aggression to others and how easily mermista can annoy her with trivial things (sitting in her seat in the war room, for example). catra is also an angry, impatient character, but perfuma works every day to manage those emotions. she knows she needs them, she uses them as a tool (calling catra out, for example, is a time they were practically pivotal for getting her point across) but she also acknowledges they can hurt the people she loves. we know she does a meditation ritual each morning and we see in 4x02 how quickly she can unravel without it. she wants to be better. she puts the work in. that is such a valuable lesson for a character like catra who has always felt she’s just not good enough, she’s always going to be this angry and unlovable and no one can do anything about it.

so, 4x02. it’s a brilliant episode for perfuma’s character, really, and the first proper development we’ve had since 1x04. we see her anger, her impatience, but we also see her self-doubt. her belief that she’s inadequate, ‘just a flower girl.’ this is also when we get introduced to her little mantra that becomes a bit of a motif later on, ‘i can do this.’ we know perfuma doesn’t wholeheartedly believe this, but she says it anyway because she wants to. perfuma wants to be better. she will do whatever she can to be her best self, whether that be actually conquering her gripes with cacti or realising there’s a loophole with the roots (love that conflict resolution by the way, another good deconstruction of hero bs by spop).

this episode is also significant because it comes back to perfuma’s fear of change, of vulnerability. she’s thrown into a situation she doesn’t want to be in, one she feels miserably unprepared for, and she hasn’t done the one thing that puts her at her best beforehand, but she pulls through in the end because she is surrounded by people that support her, that listened to her and consoled her when she was vulnerable. 4x02 teaches perfuma the power of self-worth and the power of true, mutual, unconditional love, which can only come with vulnerability.

and this is where her character gets really interesting, in my humble opinion. ngl, one of the reasons i love perfuma so much is because she’s a pisces and i am too. i’m not gonna go astrology hoe on you rn, i’m just using this to demonstrate the part of her character that teaches others. pisces, if you don’t know, love to play therapist. we like to help the people around us with whatever strifes they may have because we think we’re fucking great at it. perfuma actually is.

you know how i said perfuma learns the importance of self-belief and vulnerability? yeah, she teaches both of those lessons to other characters in s5. like i said, perfuma is a character who values self-betterment and also happens to be a pisces, so when she sees scorpia, riddled with so much self-doubt and such low self-esteem, her immediate response is just i’m gonna teach that bitch how to love herself. and she does!

i’ve seen some people say they don’t like scorfuma because it seemed as though the writers just decided to ‘fix’ all of scorpia’s problems by giving her a girlfriend. that’s very dumb, first of all because they aren’t even together by the end of the show, they’re just interested in one another. second, the whole point of she-ra is that we’re stronger together. scorpia doesn’t go through growth in s5 because a girl likes her, she goes through growth because someone is showing her support and love for the first time in her life and that empowers her. you know, the worth that scorpia finds in herself doesn’t hinge on perfuma, like it did with catra. it’s about her as an individual, and perfuma so clearly makes it about that when her big lesson revolves around singing. scorpia loves singing. perfuma tells her she should do it because she enjoys it, a sentiment you’d never hear in the horde, and when scorpia does sing, she is actively rejecting the people who did make all her self-worth hinge on them catra. she’s doing something for herself, because she enjoys it, because it makes her happy, because she can.

it’s that same mantra: i can do this, i can do this. i really love how this was brought back from 4x02, how perfuma repurposed something that taught her such a valuable lesson for someone else. perfuma and scorpia are great foil characters actually, both constantly underestimated and thought of as weak by their groups, but some of the strongest characters in the show due to their deep value of love and self. i can do this, and i know i can because you believe in me, because i believe in myself. it’s brought back again in 5x10, when the last thing perfuma says before scorpia breaks the beam is ‘i know you can [pull through]’. she tells catra she believes in scorpia. it’s that belief, that support from other people that empowers the self to believe it too. we are stronger together, you know??

anyways, onto vulnerability. return to the fright zone is in my top ten episodes of the whole fucking show and you might think that’s a bit weird but i don’t. 5x10 encompasses so many important themes of spop so well and tells them with scorfuma and spinnetossa, our two side lesbian couples. this is significant since perfuma literally draws a parallel between her and catra at the end of the episode, and catradora and spinnetossa have always been significant to one another. i’m gonna say it, perfuma is the reason catra is finally able to confess to adora in 5x13. i’ve already talked about how important perfuma is to catra’s motivation to improve, but she literally makes catra rethink everything about strength and vulnerability, two words catra has a lot of feelings about.

catra fears vulnerability. we know this. she has such a deep love for those important to her but is never able to articulate it because she worries she’ll be taken advantage of, shot down, laughed at, whatever. all of this stems from the abuse she suffered at shadow weaver’s hands and her attachment issues, and it’s also why catra pretends to hate scorpia’s very open displays of affection and love: she sees it as weak because she has been taught to, but it’s all she ever really wanted to be.

we also know perfuma used to fear vulnerability. she doesn’t any more. the entirety of the episode leading up to her and catra’s heart-to-heart is her being vulnerable, putting herself in a position where she’s in danger but believing it’s worth it. and it is. despite what everyone said to her, perfuma is right: it was worth it. she got through to scorpia, even if it was only for a moment. she literally spells it out to us and catra with one of the best lines in the whole show: it’s hard, keeping your heart open. it makes you vulnerable, but it doesn’t make you weak, and i have to believe it’s worth it.

back in 1x10, perfuma was right: being together makes you vulnerable. horde prime tries to use people’s relationships against them, that’s literally the plot of save the cat, the point of pitting catra and adora against one another. he sees them as weak, just like shadow weaver deems adora’s feelings for catra ‘confusing’, just like light hope insisted adora was a danger to her friends as long as she was around them. they were all wrong. yes, they’re vulnerable. perfuma acknowledges that vulnerability puts you in danger, that it’s difficult to do that, but she knows it doesn’t make you weak. weakness vs strength is a big conflict in 5x10 literally introduced to us with netossa’s theories on everyone’s weaknesses in the first few minutes.

like perfuma says, friendship isn’t a weakness. it’s her greatest strength. her belief in love is literally what saves her and adora’s lives, it’s what saves everyone who got chipped, glimmer, bow. belief in love, both of others and yourself, is what saves adora in her dying moments. perfuma summarises she-ra’s entire fucking message to us repeatedly in 5x10 and she tells it to catra because catra is the one who will do the most with it. that glance at adora, it’s obvious what it means. perfuma is telling catra she should be open with adora about her feelings because you have to believe it’s worth it.

you won’t get anywhere waiting for other people to make the move. she-ra couldn’t heal plumeria’s lands, so plumeria had to fight their own battle alongside her no matter how much they felt unable to. the rebellion couldn’t move mara’s ship, so perfuma had to despite thinking she wasn’t strong enough. the reason they always win in the end is because they have each other, they have love and support and people motivating them to do better. just like perfuma motivates herself to do better.

it’s the mantra. i can do this. i can be vulnerable and still win, because i have love. and it’s hard, it’s so fucking hard to be vulnerable when you’ve feared it all your life and you’re so angry, so hurt, but you have to believe it’s worth it. and it is. it is, it is, it is, love is stronger than anything and being vulnerable for the people you love is the only way you can ever get what you want from them. perfuma as a character embodies that, having learnt it herself, and teaches the lesson to one of the characters who needs it the most.

adora is dying, and catra loves her, and she knows she does, and she just has to believe. adora is dying, and she loves catra, and she knows she does, but she doesn’t believe. not until catra teaches her too, in that moment, to realise they were all wrong, light hope, shadow weaver, horde prime. adora doesn’t need to let go, she needs to hold on and believe she will be pulled back up by the girl she loves. she needs to believe she deserves it. that it’s worth it.

and it is.

[theimmaterialplace]

holding on | emily prentiss x reader & spencer reid x reader | ch. 2: falling

Chapter Summary: The morning after the reveal of Emily’s death and a conversation with Spencer.

Contains: mentions of cat-calling and panic attacks, light kissing, grief and mourning.

Word Count: 2.4k 

Comments: this fic is my new baby and i will nurture it to its end. this is gonna end up being a long story and emily won't reappear for at least another 25k so there's that! also look i gave a little flashback to their relationship! in case i didn't elaborate enough, spencer and reader are quite close and have known each other since elle left which ill get into in another chapter! so that's why she has some of his clothes and why he's so close to her and latching onto her. reader is going through it rn but she's shoving it aside which isn't healthy and not good in the long run so she'll have to adress it eventually but that's not now! she's kinda numb rn and trying to keep it together for spencer which is going... as well as one would expect.

i think my favorite line in this was "The song ends but the moment doesn’t." and "But all moments have to come to an end."next chapter, we'll be getting the rest of the bau team (yay!) and emily's funeral (💔)! reblogs and comments are highly appreciated! i love hearing feedback even if it’s something small!

also i’m gonna do a taglist for this fic so if you’d like to be added, send me an ask with the username you’d like to be tagged with!

masterlist | read on ao3

What am I now? What am I now?

What if I'm someone I don't want around?

I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling

What if I'm down?

What if I'm out?

What if I'm someone you won't talk about?

I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling

- Harry Styles, "Falling"

When the morning comes, you wake up first on your couch and feel a crick in your neck. The night’s memories rush back to your mind and you immediately feel nauseous. You manage to very carefully separate yourself from Spencer and manage to make it to the restroom in time to vomit.

It’s awful.

You don’t even know why it’s still hitting you so hard when Spencer is the one that should be feeling like this. He’s the one that’s known her for years and you were nothing but a fling for her.

You don’t glance at yourself when you exit your bathroom, already knowing the state you’re in. When you enter your living room, Spencer is still out so you decide to do the next best thing you can for him.

You’re thankful that you already have some leftover ground coffee beans from the day before because you really don’t want to wake him up before you can put a cup of coffee in his hands.  Going through the motions of making coffee and then a simple breakfast is calming.

You’re unsure if Spencer will be able to stomach anything if he’s anything like you are now so you make the lightest meal you can. When the coffee machine beeps, you grab two mugs and begin making the coffee the way he likes.

It’s as you’re making your own coffee that you’re interrupted by Spencer calling out your name. You turn around and find him rubbing his eyes and looking a bit better than when he first came in.

“Hey, Spence. I have some coffee if you want some,” you grab his mug at his nod and place it in his trembling hands, “it’s just how you like. Ninety percent sugar and cream and ten percent actual coffee.” A small smile crept onto his face at your joke and you’re glad you’ve managed to make him smile even if it’s just a little bit.

He sips on his coffee and you decide to plate the food that’s still warm onto your dining table. He follows and takes the seat across from you, mumbling his thanks. You both eat in silence for there are no words or fun quips to share with Emily gone.

Spencer is the first to break the silence. “Thank you… Thank you for last night. I couldn’t stay with my team after that. It was just too personal. I know I’ve mentioned it before but I’m the youngest of the team and though they mean well, they tend to baby me. I… I couldn’t handle it so I left them.” He pauses, fingertips tapping in a familiar tune on the ceramic mug, “I didn’t want to be alone and you’re the first person I thought of. I know you know… knew Emily and that you would just be there for me so thank you.”

He looks directly into your eyes as he says this and you know how serious this must mean for him so you reach out for his hand, which he extends for you, and squeeze it in your own. You have to articulate your response properly because you don’t want to scare him off by saying the wrong thing.

Maintaining eye contact, you speak, “I’m glad I was able to be there for you, Spencer. To be the first person you came to means a lot to me. I hope you know I’ll always be there for you, for the small and the big things. While I may not be as close… While I may not have been as close to Emily as you were, I will still grieve for her. Just knowing how much she meant to you is enough for me to know how much a beautiful person she was. From the little glimpses I’ve seen of her and the tidbits you’ve told me over the years, I know this is going to be one of the hardest things for you… and if you let me, I’d like to be there for you.”

He’s like an open book after you’ve told him your resolve, like the book you’ve reread more times you can count and the original copy has been worn down due with some of the passages long gone but memorized in your heart. His eyes are watering again and he’s out of his seat faster than you can comprehend and he lifts you up and his arms wrap around you tightly, as if you’re his lifeline.

He whispers words of gratitude into the crown of your head and you hold him back just as tightly, tears springing to your eyes. You’d do anything to take his pain away and if this is all you can do then you’ll do it willingly.

“I want you here,” his voice is low and wrecked, “I.. I don’t want to be alone. Please. Please don’t leave me. Everyone leaves, Please…”

You look up to him and grab his face gently in your hands, wiping the tears from his cheek as you say, “I’m not leaving, Spencer. I’m right here. I’m here for you always. I promise not to leave you. I’m with you. I’m here.” At this, he looks even more broken and only nods his head, breath hitching and his sobs ceasing for the moment. You know it’s not enough for him so you guide one of  his hands to the pulse on your wrist.

“Count.” And he does, his mind focuses on the beat and it calms him; it reassures him you’re still alive.

When the minute is over, he looks significantly more calm and less likely to cry again. He looks at you like he can’t believe you’re really there and you pull him in again. Physical contact is meant to ground people and you only hope this helps him.

A shrill ring interrupts your thoughts and you know it’s Spencer’s because you’ve heard it many times before from him and Emily both.

He lets go of you to answer it and he tenses immediately as he hears whoever it is on the other line. He says a few things in response and his eyes become glassy again. He hangs up only a few moments later and turns to you.

“My team wants me to help inform Emily’s mother of her death so we can start planning her funeral…” He closes his eyes shut and his fingers clench into his palms. Slowly, you walk up to him and unfold his palms and find red, crescent indents on his palms.

“I can drive you…? I know you took the metro here. Let me help, Spencer.” He just nods and you lead him to the bathroom to help tidy him up. You turn the faucet on and hand him his toothbrush, your fingers lingering on Emily’s red one before grabbing your own. It’s a familiar routine and as you finish, you leave to let him use the restroom and wash up while you rack through your closet to find something he's left over to wear for the day.

You manage to find a striped brown button up and matching brown pants while you put on a simple outfit, a grey long sleeve with jeans and a pair of black vans. You knock on the door and he opens it after a moment and takes his clothes from you. You go back to your room to fix up your hair and after a while you deem it acceptable.

As you’re doing your makeup routine, you hear a knock then, “Are you decent?”

“Come in, I’m almost done.” The door opens and you catch his reflection in your mirror. He looks better but the despair that clings to him is obvious to you.

He lets a small smile fill his face and though it doesn’t reach his eyes, you still match it. “I’m surprised you still had this. I had wondered where this outfit had gone but I remember that when I stayed over that night I had to leave immediately and left it here.”

“Well, I wouldn’t just throw it away and I kept forgetting to give it back to you. It’s a good thing otherwise you’d be left in some sweatpants and a Star Trek t-shirt.” He lets out a small laugh at that and you’re grateful you’re able to get him to genuinely laugh.

“Okay, I’m done. We can head out now.” He follows you out of your apartment and into the passenger seat of your car. The ride is silent to Quantico, unlike the usual rides you give him where you play a new genre for him and for him to compare it to his classical music and talk about some facts of the music.

When you finally arrive, you both sit there. He doesn’t want to leave and face reality and you don’t want to be left alone with only the truth to haunt you.

Spencer breaks the silence once again, “Thank you for everything. I don’t know where I would’ve gone last night… If you can, can you pick me up later? I… I can’t be with the team right now. It’s just too fresh.”

“Of course, Spencer. Just send me a text a bit before and I’ll be there.” He nods and gives you a quick hug before leaving and your eyes follow him until he’s nothing but a pinprick in your vision.

Like a switch flipped, you can only think of Emily. It’s not fair that she… that Emily is gone, that’s she’s dead. You never thought this was a probability. She was always such an impervious figure in your mind, a larger than life kind of person. You knew it was a possibility in her line of work but it never crossed your mind that it could actually happen to her. She was a strong woman, never letting anything affect her and you can’t believe she’s gone.

You shouldn’t even feel this strongly for her, you’re not meant to be more than a friend to her but you can’t help but think of her as your lover. Every little moment you’ve shared with her flashes in your mind. One in particular stands out, one that had happened only a month or two ago.

“Ugh, Emily. We’ve gotta go or else tomorrow morning is gonna be hell for the both of us.” You drag her away from the bar and shoot a smile at the bartender who only shakes her head and mouths “have a nice night”.

“ No ,” she whines, “I don’t want to, babe. We were having so much fun. Let’s stay here and dance some more.” She grins at you, taking your hand and pulling you back into the crowd. You let her because you can never say no to her, not when she’s looking at you with those eyes and that smile.

Her mood is infectious and you let her have this one last dance. It’s not even a song you know but you think it might be your new favorite with the way she twirls you around and looks at you with affection and fondness.

Being with Emily is the best thing that’s ever happened to you, even if this is a temporary thing. You would do anything for her, even leave her alone if that’s what she wanted.

The song ends but the moment doesn’t.

“Okay, okay, Em. We really need to go now.” She pouts at you but relents and follows you out of the club.

Before you reach your car, she pulls you in, her hands cradling your face, and she’s looking at you in wonder, “Y’know I can’t believe you’re actually here. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted. You mean so much to me. I hope you know that.” She leans in and kisses you. You savor every moment of it, feeling her smile against your lips. Like an imp, she grins widely and leaves multiple pecks around your lips, never quite touching.

It’s just you and her in that moment and she’s never seemed more lovely than in that exact moment.

Deciding that her actions are enough, you grab her by the chin and your free arm wraps around her waist so that she’s flush against you and slam your lips onto her own. Every emotion you’ve felt for her is poured into the kiss and you hope she can feel it. It’s passionate and messy and it leaves you wanting more.

She lets out a small moan when you move your mouth to pepper kisses onto her jaw and to suck on her sweet spot, sighing praises into her skin as if they’ll imprint on her, an irrefutable claim.

You’re not sure how much time passes between that moment but you only stop when you hear multiple wolf whistles and she groans before pulling away from you and yells at the offenders, “Shows’ over, you fucks!” Then she turns to you and leers, “We’ll finish this back at my place.”

You’re only able to nod and look at her in awe,  “Emily Prentiss… what a woman you are. I’ll never be able to forget you know?”

She smiles even wider at your admission, and beckons you forward and of course you come closer and she admits quietly, “You won’t ever have the chance to. I plan on never letting you go.”

But all moments have to come to an end.

If only that was the truth because she never brought up the conversation the morning after. Whether she actually remembered it and shoved it aside or she genuinely couldn’t remember, you can’t decide what’s worse. You never mention it because you don’t want to ruin something that already works and now… Now you would never have the chance to find out because Emily was dead.

Tears well up in your eyes and you recognize the signs of an oncoming panic attack. It’s with a wet laugh that you realize that you were right, your dramatic thoughts from the night she texted you had come true.

Emily Prentiss would haunt you forever and you’ll let her if it means you’ll never forget what she sounded like or what each gleam in her eye or each smile meant.

[clouds-rambles]

Hi, I’m really nervous to be requesting but I see that you have them open rn and I’m gonna. Try and request something. Maybe I’ll come off anon if I request again!! But for now I’m on anon and I wanna say I really love your writing :O

So!! As for my request, maybe like,, headcanons? (potentially something more if you can take this idea and run, but no pressure!) For Kaeya x a male reader, where the reader meets Diluc and notices that he’s kind of mean to Kaeya, and the reader kinda makes it his new project to try and get the two to get along. I personally like to call Diluc a meanie so if you’d like to incorporate that you totally can!

Feel free to incorporate other ideas if you’d like to!! Like if you get a random idea that can go into this but I haven’t mentioned it, I won’t mind seeing it!! Thank you very much if you do this request :D

Aaa tysm bb I’m glad you like what I write! <3

And of course! I love bullying both Kaeya and Diluc equally so it’s about time I bully Diluc a little bit

Also gonna finish updating my masterlist in a day or so so I don’t keep spamming the dash lol 

Also guys I hit my 100th post! (give like 10 extra posts bc I forgot)

And as I write this we hit 700 followers! Holy cow! Tysm!

Pairings; Kaeya x male!reader

Warning(s); Diluc and Kaeya backstory spoilers

Keep reading under the cut!

The tension between the brothers isn’t hard to notice. Glory could see clearly the tension and she’s blind.

Though the first time you really saw Dilucs backhanded comments kind of shocked you. 

Even though you had been dating Kaeya for about a year this is only your first time sat at the bar with him, most of the time the two of you are making out in the back of the bar so you’ve never really directly dealt with the winemaster

“That’s uncalled for” you announce after Diluc makes a comment. Diluc raises a brow at your backtalk and Kaeya goes to stop you from saying anything more but he’s curious for how the interaction is going to pan out

“What is?” Diluc asks with a testing tone, you scoff and roll your eyes

“Really?” you ask in annoyance “You just insulted my boyfriend and now you’re sulking off pretending it didn’t happen?” you make a clicking sound with your mouth “It was uncalled for”

Yeah as first proper introduction it probably wasn’t the best but who’s to really complain? He was being rude and insufferable so you were more than in the right place to be annoyed

 Though Kaeya explains the whole situation in the most vague way possible to help you understand

As Kaeya speaks in metaphors and vaugities you can’t help but see that he misses the relationship with his brother. As much as he doesn’t say it you can deduce he felt like he lost both his brother and his father the day Crepus died

So from that point you try and subtly bring the two together again. The way that you see how Kaeya misses his brother, Diluc must feel the same right?

So with a hint here and there you try to get the two to make up

It takes almost a year for them to. And if you had to be honest it probably had nothing to do with you maybe apart from the fact you had opened the conversation with Kaeya about it

It’s raining, as it always seems to be on this day of the year. Diluc stands in front of his fathers grave, a bunch of cecelia’s grasped in his hand ready to put down for his father. 

Kaeya had mentioned in passing that the anniversary of their father was coming up soon, and you had managed to convince him to pay respects to his father, telling him that even visiting the grave once can make him feel better. So here you are in the rain. You use your anemo to keep both you and your boyfriend as dry as possible, but as soon as Kaeya steps out of the confines of your anemo he starts getting wet.

“I’m going in by myself” he tells you with a calm, sombre tone. A very unusual one for him to have, but one very suited for the situation

“Of course babe” you nod “I’ll be right here if you need me” you console watching him walk away with a small bunch of windwheel asters in his hand.

Kaeya almost turns back around the second he sees his brother stood at the gravestone.

“What are you doing here?” he half heartedly snaps at Kaeya. The cryo user raises his hands

“I’m paying my respects” he responds “I thought it’s about time I stop avoiding the truth” he adds with a much quieter tone

“Why don’t yo-”

“Please Diluc, he was my father to” Kaeya interrupts Diluc with a plead “I know I wasn’t a great son but, but he took me in when my birthgivers abandoned me” he adds with a weak tone “Please let us get on, even if it is for this day” he adds

Diluc half huffs half agrees. While he may outwardly say he hates his brother but in reality he misses him and hides that anguish with anger and a offense. Kaeya doesn’t blame him as he did admit to basically being an archon traitor thanks to his ancestry and maybe future traitor too

“You know your timing for telling me your secrets was horrific” Diluc announces after a few moments of both men deep in thought. Kaeya nods and sighs

“Hm, that is true.” Kaeya pauses articulating his words “But, I think if I never said it then I don’t think I would have told anyone” he adds

“Have you told [name]?” Diluc asks with a soft tone. Kaeya sighs again

“He knows somethings. [name] mainly reads between the lines so it’s hard to really lie to him” he responds and smiles “I like that about him. Sees through my bullshit” Kaeya chuckles “But right now? I don’t think I can tell him about it just yet”

“I see” Diluc trails off with a nod 

A few moments pass as Diluc turns to Kaeya with an outstretched hand “Brothers?” he asks “No matter how dysfunctional?”

Kaeya nods with a grin and takes his brothers hand “With the hopes one day everything will reach a normality” he smiles with a nod

“I like that”

“Me too Diluc, me too”