#and like today he said “i wish i could just marry you” bc i had to duck bc ... just asian couple things LMAOOO .. and like he’s just such a
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aleksa-sims · 7 months ago
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RL Story
CW: Divorce, addiction
It was a Friday, October 13th to be exact. Daniel and I are getting a divorce today. After weeks, he finally signed the divorce papers. I was devastated. It was so hard for me to take this step. But I had to finish it, for my Baby and also for myself, to finally forget Daniel. We met near the city hall, where we had an appointment with a divorce-case officer and judge.
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Once there, I saw Daniel coming towards me. I honestly didn’t want to divorce him. I loved him, still, so much. 😥But... that's just the way life is. 😞... He looked at me... I wanted to hug him but instead I just said sadly, hi. Daniel seemed absent for a moment, staring at my belly. 🩵👶
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He had this... empty look. Not sad or angry, rather.... emotionless.
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With my eyes lowered, I just stood there. I struggled to hold back my tears. Exactly a year ago we moved together. I was so happy with him and now this. 😞
Me: I'm so sorry. I never wanted this! And I still don’t want it. I wish we could just go home together.
Daniel: Same, but...let's not get into that now. Relax and think about your Baby.
Me: What?
Daniel: It's gonna be okay. Trust me.... C'mon, let’s get this over with.
Me: Yea,,...whatever you say. 😞
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Um.... well! Daniel and I didn’t get divorced today. The judge asked us why we wanted to divorce? D.'s & my statements left some question marks with the judge, I think? We have to wait six months, before we get divorced.... Daniel said that my jealousy (Tina, Irma...) & insecurity were the biggest probs for him in our relationship.😠... However, the real reason for postponing our divorce was bcs Daniel inherited Dominick’s plot & house. (division of property) Although I refused any claim to Daniel’s property!!
Me: Did you really, seriously mean what you said to them?
Daniel: I answered all questions honestly.
Me: Why didn’t you just give the real reason for our divorce? You took off!!! I didn't know where you were!! And my Baby isn't yours. This fact is the reason for our divorce! You can't handle that I'm pregnant. Or that we are both addicts, which would have been a good reason why we can’t stay together! 🤦‍♀️
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Daniel: The juge asked me WHY, I left! You got it?.... You and my borther, your secrets drove me crazy. That fucking shit about Tina. I was overwhelmed with my shit, our drugs you and your delusions. I kept trying to make you happy! I only loved you and I only wanted you. But you just didn’t believe me. Be honest, it wasn’t my fault, just yours!! You don’t know what you want! And you can’t make decisions! But I’m not like N.! I don’t want to tell you what to do or how to live your life. You are responsible for yourself! Finally get it, or just stay with your soccer player and let him control you.
Me: What kind of shit are you talking?? Nico doesn’t do any of this to me.
Daniel: I talked to him! He said, you won’t be the same after he’s done with you. He told me this to my face!! And btw, I can’t stand Alex calling you Lexi!! 😠
Me: You must have misunderstood N. He isn't like that! He was just upset, bcs I confessed what I wanted from you the other day. Besides, you’re jealous too!!! Anyway.... I-.. I just can’t stand it around you anymore. And I’m sorry I was so jealous. I loved you so much. I wanted to do anything for you. I was terrified to lose you. I’m sorry. Sorry I was such a freak to you. But I didn’t do anything wrong with your brother, D.!! There was NOTHING between Alex and me!! IDK how many times I’ve had to say this damn sentence. Finally get it!....
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Me: It hurts so much and it just doesn’t stop.... I don’t want to love you anymore. I wish you’d never married me. 😢
Daniel: Damn, I-... I'm sorry. I still struggle with that... stress disorder. Either I feel nothing-... or I boil with rage.🤦‍♂️
Me: It's ok.. I'm leaving.... See you in 6 moths. And.. stay off drugs, just... take care, Daniel. 😢
Daniel: Wait!
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Me: I gotta go. Sorry. Bye!.... 😭
Daniel: I-...... love you.
I just wanted to get away from there. Far away from.... him.💔 Not really, but.... agh, you know what I mean. And I’ll see Daniel again sooner than I thought. Right after delivery. It was about that annoying name change. D. and I were officially still married, but I didn't want to give my Son his surname. D. is not his Dad, but N. Such a mess!!
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erxxi3 · 2 years ago
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Can you do an angst/comfort Leon x reader where Reader is in a depressed state and while going on a walk, she bumps into Leon. They end up having a cute movie night at Leon’s house with cuddles and food?
I need some love from Leon. >~<
YES OFC I CAN!!
I haven’t done angst at all, so this is probably gonna suck ass atleast I tried though that is all that matters.
Anyways the angst part is about the fem! reader loosing her parents bc I couldn’t think of anything else I am very sorry!’ I didn’t know how to end it but I eventually thought of something.
— Restless Comfort
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Pairings: ID! Leon x Fem! Reader
Summary: What the request said.
Cw. Angst to Fluff, death of parents, grieving /mourning of death, kissing, age-gap (The reader is like a couple years younger than him), Leon being shy/embarrassed, reader slowly falling in love w Leon, cuddling, waking up ontop of him, and Leon admitting he loves you and you do reciprocate back. :)
Character Count: 19.9k
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On a cold September evening, you were walking arms crossed underneath your chest through the park. The sun had disappeared, leaving only a bitter layer of light in the sky behind the clouds. Your breath left small puffs of cloud in front of your face as you walked. It was getting darker now too. The park was empty except for you and the occasional bird that swooped by from time to time.
You sighed deeply as the cold air brushed against your cheeks, as you thought of attending your parents funeral today. They ’d been married nearly three years already, and yet the loss was still raw to you. They had always been so supportive when you needed it, but now you were alone in this world with no one to turn to, nothing to fall back on. Not for the first time, you wished you had someone at home to take care of you, someone who could make sure you took care of yourself.
Shaking your head, looking down at the pond you sat before. You were watching the ducks swim around lazily, their feathers brushing along each other every now and then, creating tiny waves beneath their surface. Your eyes drifted over them as you let out another deep sigh, the sound carrying off across the quiet of the area.
You decided it wouldn’t be best to attend, but you couldn’t bear to let yourself not say any words to them. After all, they were the people you would have to live with now until you found your place in life.
Besides, never getting to tell them how you been holding up these last few months is not an option either, you reasoned with yourself. So, instead, you turned, making your way toward the parking lot, which you bumped into a tall attractive looking man. As he stumbled backward, trying to regain his balance, you saw he also wore sunglasses. You frowned in confusion before he spoke. “Oh geez, I’m sorry ma’am. Are you alright?” He asked politely, reaching out for you, helping steady you.
“I’m fine thank you. I apologize too for bumping into you. I wasn't watching where I was going,” you apologized, giving him an apologetic smile. His gaze flickered meeting your eyes. You felt heat rush to your cheeks, but pushed away from the uncomfortable and embarrassing moment. You cleared your throat before stepping away, you said, “Well…I’ll just get going now. Goodbye…”
Just as you turned to leave, you heard his voice calling after you, “Wait a minute.” Your eyes immediately shot up, and you saw that he was smiling. You didn’t know what to say as the silence stretched between the two of you. “What’s your name?” he asked finally, breaking the silence. Your stomach dropped at the question, and you felt the urge to run.
What the hell do you tell a stranger?
Should you even give him your real name, or just a fake one?
Oh no, this isn’t good at least not at this time.
You opened your mouth to respond to him, but he interrupted before you got the chance, saying quickly, “That’s okay! No need to answer if you don’t want to. I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry for bothering you…I…uh…well…” you watched as he scratched the back of his neck nervously, “Never mind,” and turned on his heel, striding back towards his car that was parked some distance from yours. You watched, slightly dumbstruck as he climbed into his expensive looking car.
A couple minutes later and you heard the engine revving loudly and he drove off slowly, disappearing from view. You shook your head, laughing to yourself silently, amused at his strange behavior.
How did he get so flustered all of a sudden anyway?
Was there something about you that made him seem like a total idiot?
Maybe he was just really awkward?
Who knows, maybe you are just being dramatic, you thought, shaking your head again as you began to drive homewards.
The rest of the night flew by uneventfully, and before you knew it, tomorrow morning arrived and your family gathered in the parlor room, ready for their final viewing of your parents. You had cried during the whole ceremony, though you tried desperately to conceal that fact.
After the service, you sat in the living room, talking to some of your closest friends that had came. Jill and Claire were the one’s always there for you even when you were little, but this event that took place was not merely giving you guilt it was more so a grievance that would haunt you for the rest of your life. Your parents were murdered. You lost your mother, and your father. And yet somehow you managed to try and pull yourself together by going to live with Jill & Claire. It was hard for you to believe sometimes how far you'd come since then. But as you stood there next to one of your best friends, Claire told you she invited one of her friends to join them as well.
She had gone out to the lobby fetching him bringing him over to where you were, your eyes began to meet his once again. He seemed just as shocked to see you as you were to see him, but you simply smiled at him warmly. Claire introduced both of you to each other, but you weren’t really listening to them. Your focus was solely on the man you had met earlier, and who hadn’t looked quite as flustered anymore. In fact, he looked almost smug.
His eyes danced with amusement, and suddenly you found yourself unable to take your eyes off him as you continued to smile shyly. Finally, he broke the eye contact, shifting awkwardly, his eyes darting to the ground. You blinked several times wondering if you’d actually seen something pass through his blue eyes, like electricity sparking through the air. When your trance was broken, you tore your gaze away from the man, focusing instead on what Claire was saying.
You nodded absently at her explanation, not even realized what was happening in the conversation until it ended abruptly, Claire having noticed your distraction as well. You turned to look up at the man standing before you with distance once more, feeling a bit sheepish. He must have noticed your glance as he chuckled softly, glancing up briefly, giving you a wink. It was then that you realized that he was gazing at you. Noticing that he was taller than you, much taller than you, with broad shoulders and strong arms. You gulped, taking another quick glance at him, and you felt your body temperature raise.
It took all you had in you not to avert your eyes in his direction, embarrassed by your own reaction. You were supposed to be grieving but you couldn't help the butterflies in your stomach that you felt as he looked at you.
Why do I feel this way?
Why am I falling for a complete stranger that happens to be handsome?
As if sensing your internal turmoil he smirked. He gave you one last lingering look before turning away and whispering something to Claire. She replied to him, giggling. You got up from your seat dusting your skirt off, telling them that you have to take a call and will be back soon, leaving the parlor. Walking to the closest room in the building, it was small, however, could possibly be a dressing room of some sort. Pulling your cell phone from your pocket, you hit speed dial 3 on speed dial, and waited patiently for someone to pick up on the other end.
‘Please pick up, please answer. Don’t hang up, please don’t...’ you kept repeating in your mind, the number didn’t answer. You paced in a circle trying to dual it again, but it was no hope. The door closed behind you, someone coming from behind you grabbing you hand over your mouth, so that you wouldn’t scream as you tried to fight against the person, tears filling your eyes.
They pulled their hand away from your face, letting out a sigh of relief once they saw that it was only you. ‘Thank god…’ you thought relieved, but the person who had grabbed you turned you to look at them. “Didn’t mean to make ya think I was gonna hurt ya..” you heard him mumble. You were still stunned at seeing him again after all you been trying to avoid him, but his apology made you relax. You didn’t trust yourself enough to talk at first as a blush spread across your cheeks. “It’s all right, I forgive you…” you whispered.
He let out a small chuckle before replying, “Good…” he trailed off staring at you intently. Your heart began beating fast as he moved closer to you. You gulped nervously as your breathing increased, “So um…who are you exactly?” You questioned nervously, your fingers rubbing against the fabric of your dress trying to calm your rapidly beating heart. He chuckled lightly before speaking.
“My name is Leon,” he said, “Leon Kennedy…”. At hearing his name you felt like something inside you clicked in understanding, “Oh! You must be Claire’s friend, right?” you asked. “Yeah…that’s me. Nice to meet you.” He responded, a grin plastered across his face. His hands rested lightly on his hips as he leaned down to speak with you, which gave you an unobstructed view of his chest, as well as his eyes. “I never caught your name earlier…I was trying to ask you, but I didn’t want to put pressure on you, you know?” he explained. You chuckled nervously, feeling your cheeks begin to flush red once more. “I see…my name is Y/N….”
.
“Nice to meet you once again.” he remarked. “What are you doing here anyways? I thought Claire told you it was my parents funeral before she invited you..” He could hear the worry break in your voice at the mention of Claire’s words. He sighed inwardly. “Yeah…I know, Claire mentioned something about that earlier.” He paused, “I guess I should have known that you’d be attending it, since it’s your parents….” He spoke softly, placing his hands around you bringing you into him for a hug. You froze up in his arms, unsure of what you were supposed to do.
For some reason, you felt safe in his arms, like you belonged there. You breathed a sigh of relief as you held onto him for what seemed like forever, enjoying his security.“I…I-“ You said hesitantly wrapped your arms around his middle hugging tightly to him, while letting your tears just come pouring down the sides of your cheeks.
You were grateful that he did not push you away, and you were content that he did not leave keeping you in comfort due to the loss.
Eventually, he gently eased you apart from him, looking straight into your eyes, wiping the remaining traces of your tears from your cheeks. “Better?” he asked. You sniffed nodding your head, “Yeah…thanks…” You said softly, he wiped a few stray tears from under your eyes, leaving you to feeling embarrassed.
There was silence between the two of you. He seemed hesitant to say anything else, but he finally decided to take matters into his own hands. “You know… I haven’t gotten the chance to thank you properly for inviting me to come here…” he said moving to stand directly in front of you.
You looked into his eyes, trying desperately to memorize every feature of his face, “Yea..” you murmured, as the corners of his lips upturned into a slight smirk. He placed one of his hands on your cheek pulling you close towards him, making you gulp nervously, his thumb softly stroking your cheekbone. “I’m sorry I didn’t get to meet you sooner…” he said softly, his eyes searching yours.
You shook your head, “Don’t be sorry…” you said, “I’m glad Claire invited you and that you had even showed up…” you admitted quietly as the both of you stared at each other deeply. Your hands found their way to his chest, resting comfortably on his bare skin, and he gazed down at you as if you were everything he’d ever wanted, and more.
Suddenly, as if a switch had flipped somewhere deep inside of him, his body tensed. His dark eyes widened as a look of horror appeared on his face. You frowned in confusion, “What’s wrong?” you asked worried. He seemed as if he were struggling to breath. “Are you okay? What is it?” you questioned.
“it’s just that esrlier I was going to ask if I could get your number, but I think it is such a bad time this moment…” he muttered almost too low to be heard. His hands began to shake slightly, his knuckles turning white in a visible sign of panic. You narrowed your eyes at his behavior.
‘Why does he seem uneasy?
And why do I feel anxious?’ you wondered in frustration, clenching your fists tightly, ‘Why do I feel like something is going to happen?’ you continued to ponder on your thoughts, not noticing Leon standing beside you. You were too lost inside your own mind to notice the man standing next to you.
“Well..uhhh” you stuttered looking at the male in front of you, “You can have it if that makes it up…maybe we could go grab some coffee or see a movie?” you suggested.
He smiled at the offer, “Sure…that sounds perfect. I think it has been a long time since I went out to dinner anyway.” he said chuckling sheepishly. ‘A date?!’ your mind screamed in excitement, your body becoming lightheaded. ‘I have a date with my bestfriend’s friend?!.' you thought excitedly. “Let me get my keys and say goodbye to Claire so we can head out.” Leon stated, grabbing his keys out of his pockets and opening the door to walk out of the room followed by you back into the parlor.
Saying goodbye’s to your friends and family as well you stepped outside, waiting for Leon to open the car door for you. After saying goodbye to everyone you climbed into the passenger seat and waited for Leon to join you. As soon as he got into the car he started the engine, backing out of the driveway.
A few seconds later you couldn’t help but notice his hands were shaking again, his knuckles white from how hard he was squeezing the steering wheel. You furrowed your eyebrows in concern, deciding it would probably be better for him if you didn't say anything. Instead, you chose to focus your attention outside of the window instead, watching the scenery rush past you quickly. Leon cleared his throat breaking the tense silence. "Sorry, my hands are a little shaky." he apologized, "I've never been in this area before." he explained.
You knew this was a lie, so you just played along.
You nodded in acknowledgement before taking a glance over to him, you were surprised to find he was looking right at you, his blue eyes gazing at you intensely, causing goosebumps to form along your skin.
"Do you live nearby?" you asked, suddenly nervous when he turned his gaze away from you. He nodded, “Yes..in fact, my house is not far from here actually.” You hummed nodding in approval before returning your eyes back outside.
The only thing on your mind now was your upcoming date and whether or not Leon is going to remember you. “So uh…” you began awkwardly. “What exactly are we going to do when we get there?” you asked after awhile of staring out the window, hoping he might be able to give some sort of response to your question. “Well…I suppose I should tell you all about myself first then, huh?” He chuckled as he took one hand off the steering wheel to fix the hair that fell across his forehead. You rolled your eyes smiling fondly at him before answering, “Alright, shoot” you replied.
*
Your eyes trailed slowly over to the side of him, noticing that he was still holding his hand on the steering wheel. You grabbed your bag strap pulling it tighter against yourself. The air became tense. You didn’t like the way the atmosphere felt, like it was getting darker and darker. When you had arrived to his house, taking off your shoes before you came in. He went to make popcorn and started up the movie.
Once finished with that he walked over to the living table where you sat and set the bowl of popcorn, and drinks down in front of you sitting dowm.
After a few minutes into the movie you fell asleep resting your head against his shoulder, which woke you up once Leon had placed you carefully on the couch. “(Y/N), wake up…” He whispered softly rubbing your arm soothingly.
You blinked your eyes groggily before lifting up your head slightly to see Leon’s face, “mmhm…Just a few more minutes…” you would groan, yet he moved you laying a pillow on his lap as you slept with a blanket thrown over you, his arm on your back rubbing light circles helping you drift back to sleep. Once you were asleep he carried you to his bed placing you next to him, tucking you kissing your forehead gently, “Sleep well, princess.” before resting his eyes taking in some sleep next to you.
*****
It was late afternoon and you woke up half asleep finding yourself lying ontop of Leon’s chest and he was still fast asleep, but his arms wrapped around you. You felt comfortable in his strong hold and your dreams were filled with nothing except him.
When your eyes fluttered open, you realized that you hadn’t dreamed, and that you weren’t sure if that was a good or bad thing. It was definitely a pleasant surprise though. You smiled lightly before shifting yourself to look up at him, leaning forward to press a kiss to his cheek. That’s when he woke up. His face immediately turning red, as he shot his eyes open.
“Hey sleepy head…” you cooed at him teasingly, running your finger across his chest. He turned his gaze shyly “Good morning...I was beginning to wonder when you would awaken, but I had decided that you were uncomfortable on the couch so I brought you in my room to sleep….ending up falling asleep myself. How embarrassing am I right?” he muttered quickly, averting his gaze. You giggled, “You are so embarrassed. I find that cute!” you grinned letting out a small laugh.
“Oh no, please don’t tell anyone else, they will tease me.. .” he joked laughing at the same time, you rolled your eyes playfully. “Okay I won’t tell anyone…but, maybe you should let me stay with you more often.” you suggested jokingly. He raised an eyebrow at you, “Hmm…are you sure? Because I think Claire might get the wrong idea....” he teased. You gave him a stern look, “And if she does? She can’t do anything about what she doesn’t know….” you smirked, making him raise his eyebrows even higher. Your face turned pink when you realized what you had just implied. He stared into your (e/c) eyes for a while, a smile appearing on his lips, “Don’t worry I won’t push you to tell her about us if you prefer to keep our relationship under wraps.” That smile sent shivers down your spine and caused your heart to begin pounding in your chest, your palms starting to sweat slightly.
Before you had a chance to respond he leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss against your forehead, letting his lips linger there for a second before moving his face closer to yours as your faces were inches apart, you opened your mouth to speak when he spoke. “I’ll always make sure our secret stays between the both of us…no matter what…” he breathed.
Your breath caught in your throat, the heat building up inside of you growing stronger than before. He pulled away, his face blushing slightly while you felt as if you were floating. He leaned back in closer and pressed another kiss against your forehead. Then finally closing the gap between your two faces, he kissed your lips tenderly, brushing them with your own. Feeling yourself melt into the kiss you parted your lips, allowing him entrance. This kiss wasn’t filled with passion but it was gentle and sweet. It was different from any other kiss that you had shared before.
He held onto the back of your neck, gently pushing you further into the kiss. He tasted of coffee and mint toothpaste as his tongue explored your mouth. This kiss was short lived however as the two of you pulled apart, gasping for air. A small chuckle escaped your lips as he laid your down gently onto the bed.
He laid down beside you wrapping his arm loosely around your waist, “I love you, Y/N” He mumbled quietly. “I love you too, Leon.” you responded, giving him a kiss on the lips. The rest of the night was filled with soft kisses and cuddles with his arm draped protectively over your waist. Neither one of you said anything, knowing that there wasn’t really needed to be.
All you could feel is pure happiness with him.
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classicschronicles · 4 months ago
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Hi lovelies,
I feel like I’ve just returned from ‘buying the milk’. I’m sorry I disappeared for *checks notes* 11 months, but it’s been a hectic year. I feel like if I get into it I’ll sound like an AO3 author, so here are some very quick highlights- I have just finished my first year studying Classics at university, I qualified as a fitness instructor (which is a side quest nobody asked for), I’ve become a theatre kid again, and I finally watched Game of Thrones. Studying Classics at uni is basically telling everyone that you study Classics at uni and then getting one of two reactions- “What is that? What kind of job are you going to et with that?”. To which I have no response, because honestly I’m not sure. Or the ever famous- “Oh like The Secret History?”. To which I cry inside because it is nothing like The Secret History. It is actually reading so much Thucydides that he becomes your sleep paralysis demon, and having to translate so much Caesar and Cicero that your daydreams become wishing you were in the Theatre of Pompey on March 15th 44 BC… for no particular reason. And also crying at 3am whilst you try to delude yourself into thinking that this is so dark academia core (spoiler- it’s not). All that being said- this has actually been one of the best years of my life and I am so happy I get to study what I love.
Anyways, I feel like we’re missing the most important part- and that is of course Game of Thrones. Guys. I have a crush on Jaime Lannister. HEAR ME OUT! I can fix him! I promise. I just need one chance. But also, I would fight him because why did he do my girl Brienne like that. Anyone who makes her cry can fight me fr. You know what made me cry though- Shireen Baratheon. What the fuck was that. And Ser Davaos’ finding out and his whole “I loved that girl like she was my own”. BAWLED. Anyways, it might surprise you to know that her death was actually based on a very famous greek myth- the myth of Iphigenia. So that’s what we’re going to talk about today.
Iphigenia’s story finds its beginnings in another myth entirely- the myth of Agamemnon and the Deer. Quick fun fact- the movie ‘Killing of A Sacred Deer’ is actually based loosely on this. The story goes that Agamemnon, out hunting one day, killed a deer belonging to the Goddess Artemis. This angered Artemis, not least because the deer was pregnant and Agamemnon’s little hunting accident killed both the mother and the baby.
Fast forward to some time later, Agamemnon launches a thousand ships to save his sister-in-law Helen from the Trojans at the behest of his brother Menelaus, and also the whole blood oath situation. The Spartans and the Mycenaeans make camp at the island of Aulis whilst they wait for the rest of the fleet to arrive, only to find that when they are ready to set sail once more, they cannot leave the island. There is not wind to push their ships, the air hot and heavy and remarkably still. This goes on for quite some time. Eventually Agamemnon consults the priest Calchas who tells him that the Gods (Artemis) are angry with him and demand a sacrifice. More specifically, the sacrifice of a virgin. This is also where some accounts differ- some claim that it could be any female virgin, some say that it had to be Agamemnon’s eldest daughter. In all honesty, I think the latter is probably more accurate because of the level of hesitation he shows before he makes his final decision. If he could sacrifice any virgin I don’t really think he would care.
Anyways, he obviously cant just write to his wife and say “hey babe can you please ship our eldest daughter over, I want to sacrifice her xoxo”. So he instead he comes out with an altogether more devious plan, and that is to tell his wife that the Prince Achilles wishes to marry Iphigenia before they sail for Troy. Both Iphigenia and Clytemnestra are of course overjoyed that she should marry ‘the best of the Greeks’ and she comes to Aulis where the army wait for her.
This is where it starts to break my heart a bit. On the morning of Iphigenia’s wedding day, Clytemnestra dresses her daughter and prepares her. She, of course, does not know that she is preparing her child for death. Her fathers men come to her tent and escort her and her mother to the alter. However, she never gets to say her vows because as soon as she steps onto the platform, they cut her throat and spill her blood as an offering to Artemis. Her mother is of course beside herself with shock and grief, but her husband does little to comfort her, telling her only that Artemis is appeased, and with the return of the wind he is leaving for Troy.
Euripides’ Iphigenia at Aulis, differs from this account and tells the story that on the morning of her supposed wedding, Iphigenia was aware of her fathers plan to sacrifice her and accepts with stoicism and all the bravery of a child put in an impossible position. He writes the following, heartbreaking, lines:
Iphigenia- “If only I could sing like Orpheus, father! Orpheus, who could charm even the heartless rocks into following him! If I could use such a voice and have everyone charmed, have them convinced to agree with me and follow me, then I would use that voice. But I have no such skill. The only voice I have, father, my only skill, is in my tears and, here, father, I’m giving them to you! I’m giving you my tears! I’m giving you all I have! She leans before him and embraces his knees Here, father, here is the body of a suppliant! Here is the body that your wife has given birth to. I wrap its limbs around your knees and beg you: Please father, do not cut off my life short. Let me enjoy the sweet light of day and do not force me to enter the world beneath the earth. I’m your first one, father! The first one to call you father, the first one you called daughter. Me, father! I was the first to play on your knees, the first one of your children to enjoy your love and the first one to give you a child’s love. Remember, father? You used to ask me, “I wonder, my darling, will I get to see you married one day, married and settled happily in your husband’s home, your life ever blossoming, making me proud of you?” And I’d touch your chin, my father, hang from your beard, father, like I’m doing now and say, “and what about you, father, will I get to see you, father, an old man, visiting me at my house, ready for me to repay you for your hard work in raising me?” No, you don’t remember these words, father. I do but you don’t! You’ve forgotten them and so, now, you want to kill me. Please, father! Please, in the name of Pelops and of Atreus who is your father, I beg you! Please don’t do it! And I beg you also for my mother’s sake, the woman who laboured to bring me to life, the woman who is being tortured even now. I beg you, father! What does my life have to do with the marriage of Paris and Helen father? Why has their marriage brought about my death, father? Agamemnon turns away. She continues despondently. Come, then, father, turn to me and give me a final kiss. A kiss to remember you by in the underworld, since my words have not convinced you. Agamemnon does not move. She goes over to her mother and takes baby Orestes in her arms. She swings him, sadly, gently back and forth and leans over him as she speaks to him What a weak little helper you are, my tiny brother! Won’t you cry with me, Orestes? Come on, won’t you beg your father not to kill your big sister? Come on, Orestes, even babies know when there’s trouble around! Ha! See, father? Orestes is begging you, too! Begging you by his silence. Do you not care about me any more? Spare my young life, father. Spare me! Here! Look here, father! Here are the two of us, one’s a baby, the other a grown up girl, a brother and a sister, both your children, begging you, by your beard, pleading with you… She turns and looks sadly around her, then up at the sun. That! Up there is my final argument. That light, this light all around us, will cut all other arguments to pieces. This light is the sweetest thing that can fill the eyes! The world beneath the earth is a world of nothing. Only fools would pray to go down there. I’d rather live a life full of misery than die a hero’s death!
If that doesn’t make you cry I don’t know what will. And then to top it off he follows it up 200 lines later this this tear jerker:
“C- What report shall I give to your sisters?
I-Do not dress them either in black garments.
C-Is there any word of love from you I should give the girls?
I-Bid them farewell; and make sure you bring up Orestes as a man!
C-You look at him for the last time- hold him tight!
I-(holding Orestes close): Darling boy, you helped you dear sister as much as you could!
I-Who will come to take me there before they drag me by the hair?
C-I will be at your side…
I-No, not you- that would not be right!
C-…holding on to your clothes!
I-Mother, oblige me in this: stay here! This is the nobler course for me and for you. Let one of my father’s attendants here escort to Artemis’ meadow where I shall be sacrificed.
(Iphigenia begins to move away from a crying Clytemnestra)
C-O my child, are you going?
I-Yes, and never shall I come back.
C-You will leave your mother?
I-Yes, as you see, we do not deserve this.
C-Wait- don’t abandon me!
I-I forbid you to shed tears. (C sinks to the ground)”.
In every version you read, however, sacrificing his daughter is not a choice that Agamemnon takes lightly. He is torn between sacrificing his daughter and angering his wife- but winning glory for the Greeks, or saving his daughter, but abandoning his men. As a father, he made the wrong choice, but as a king some would argue that he did what was expected of him.
I do like, however, in Euripides’ version the character of Achilles. He is adamant that he will not be privy to the murder of Iphigenia. He tries so very hard to save her and to offer comfort to Clytemnestra and genuinely I think that this might be one of the loveliest most favourable depictions of him.
This myth then gives way to part of the Oresteia trilogy and many many retellings of her Iphigenia’s story- every single one of which always make me want to cry. I can’t explain what it is- I know that the whole point of tragedy is that build up and release of emotion but no tragedy has every made me actually sad other than Iphigenia at Aulis.
Anyways, you can imagine my absolute horror when I watched S5 EP9 and saw Shireen tied to the alter, literally gave myself whiplash with how quickly I tried to look away from the screen.
I would say I hope you enjoyed reading about Iphigenia, but if you did you’re an absolute psycho! The two translations I used are from PoetryInTranlsation and Penguin’s 2005 edition “The Bacchae and Other Plays”. Hopefully, now that I’ve posted again I’ll try and be more regular with it and I hope you all have a lovely lovely week <33
~Z
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teachersprettyboy · 20 days ago
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march TC challenge
1. Has your TC ever helped you with any personal issues? Not realllyy 2. Have you ever embarrassed yourself in front of your TC? Stuttering, dropping things, talking too much, too nervous, etc 3. What was your most memorable moment with your TC? first time he said hi to me first :3c 4. Have you ever thought of getting over your TC? ughhhh one day but right now I'll keep my eye on him 5. What song would you use to tell your TC about your feelings for him/her? born too late 6. What would be the perfect way your TC would admit his/her feelings for you? a letter 7. What would be the perfect way you would admit your feelings for your TC? last day when I dont get to deal with consiquences 8. What is the one thing that made you fall for your TC? his teasing with me <3 9. Has your TC ever given you something as a gift? ummm sorta? just candy lol but he does that with everyone 10. Is your TC in a relationship? If yes, have you met their girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband/etc.? Not that I know of but I know he's desperate 11. What quote best describes your feelings for your TC? "You're no good for me but baby I want you" 12. What type of man/woman is he/she? Hes stern, he can have mood swings real fast 13. Is your tc married/has children/has pets? Not married, no kids, two dogs 14. Cutest thing he/she told you. "so you ready for your interview?" (i was wearing a tie) "what interview.. :(" - me (I WAS ACTUALLY NERV BC U THOUGHT HE WAS SERIOUS" "Job interview silly! you're all dappered up!" 15. What would you do if your TC would be drunk and tell you that she/he loves you? "pinkie promise?" 16. Has your TC ever said anything to you that hurt your feelings? very sternly tell me he's busy and to get out (today, ugh! cries) 17. Do you know anything about your TC other students don’t know? Uhhhhh he has minor OCD 18. Have you and your TC grown closer since the beginning of your relationship? DEEEFFFFF 19. If I was your TC, what would you say to me right now? I miss you 20. Tell us three things you want to tell him about you. I like design, I love photography and I adore cats and rain 21. What is the nicest thing your TC has ever said to you? not the NICEST but it was cute "Nice glasses!" 22. Have you ever told your TC anything you wish you hadn’t told them? Ughhhh I dunno everything 23. What was your first impression of your TC? stop talkkkiiinnggg 24. If you could date your TC without anyone knowing, would you? OFFCCCCC 25. Is there something your TC does that makes you smile every time he/she does that? Laughs 26. Does your TC have any cute/weird/funny habits? touching his moustache whenever he's focusing on something 27. What is your favourite moment with your TC so far? Talking to him in his class after school 28. Imagine you graduated and you’re in a relationship with your TC. You told your parents about your relationship but they don’t support you. What would you do? Wellll I would be an adult so I wouldnt care 29. Do any of your friends/family know that you have a TC? NOOO 30. How do you think your TC would react if they’d find your blog? slowly distance himself 31. What is the weirdest dream you’ve had about your TC? that he was an anime nerd (he sorta is)
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autisticlancemcclain · 2 years ago
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fic rec friday 10
welcome the the tenth fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.
1. A Rain-Check on Redamancy by @youraveragemushroom
Burnout these days usually came from working long nights at the Garrison. If Lance from five years ago could see himself today—working part-time to rebuild Earth and full-time as an instructor at the very same institution that gave him his crippling anxieties—he would probably shit a brick. Hell, five years ago he hadn’t even known aliens existed (although he always knew deep down that humans weren’t alone in the universe), and now he’s best friends with multiple! One of which had apparently texted him an hour ago.
Forgoing proper texting procedure due to fatigue and general doneness, Lance tapped on the icon to call back.
“Hello?” a familiar deep rasp answered from the other line.
“Hey, mullet,” Lance replied, pushing aside the papers in front of him to lay his head down on the desk. “What’s cooking?”
In which Lance finds himself ignoring how late it is and indulges himself in pining after Keith. Which becomes slightly more difficult when said object of his affections shows up in the middle of the night to rescue him from paperwork, stress, and the melancholy that came from being away from him.
the ‘god i wish you were here’ ‘look behind you’ trope will get to me EVERY single time idc. always makes me all stimmy bc its THE epitome of romance. this whole thing was so so romantic and full of parallels to the first episode to show how deep their relationship has gotten...i love me some romantic parallels fr
2. sweetheart by @jilliancares
“Sorry, babe,” Keith says. He even smiles, no doubt proud of himself.
And Lance knows it’s his fault. He started it, after all, but at least the biting term of endearment made sense when he was the one doing it. Keith had been talking to him like they were some old married couple. The kind who’ve been married too long and don’t love each other anymore and gripe over meaningless shit, only managing to piss each other off even further.
That’s why Lance called him dear. Because it made sense in the situation. It was a calculated insult. A strategic jab.
Keith, on the other hand, is weaponizing the term of endearment without any rhyme or reason, simply to get back at Lance.
Or: Keith and Lance have gotten into the habit of using pet names as condescending insults. They're not really terms of endearment.
ooooooo god endearments going from sarcastic to desperately genuine and the inherent hopelessness in that....whew boy. its def a Concept that u indulge and then you have to clutch ur stomach. i remember reading this as i was getting ready and brushing my teeth and the cliff scene made me gasp out loud and stop just to i could pay Full Complete Attention
3. don’t speak the language by @goldengalaxies
“More importantly” Lance says. “I am currently having a breakdown in this lift because look at him- I am so incredibly gay.”
“Lance!” Hunk buries his face in his hands. “He could speak English you know, your skills of deduction are really not that good.”
Lance ignores his warning in favour of groaning dramatically. “Oh, Dios mio, Hunk, he’s so gorgeous. Look at those muscles. He could probably bench press me.” Lance fanned himself. “Oh my God, fencing is my new favourite sport, fuck swimming.”
(or the one where Lance thirsts after a random guy in the lift who he thinks can’t speak English. lance is very wrong and hunk is very much done with his shit.)
let me tell u about this fuckin FIC. it’s hilarious, but i first read it before i meticulously started storing and bookmarking my fave fics, so when i wanted to reread it i couldnt find it. but i KNEW it was hilarious so i spent fckn hours looking for it, and it took me hours too bc i coulnt figure out which tags to filter. but it was WORTH IT. the entire concept of this fic is hilarious and makes me laugh. amazing work.
4. Whose bright idea was this? by IronScript
When Lance is captured during a mission with the MFE pilots, he wakes up aboard Haggar's ship, though the witch herself isn't there, so he figures why waste an opportunity? Then he finds something that he definitely hadn't expected.
All the while, he has no idea that back at the Garrison, his team and a few select others are watching his every move.
bro the idea that the team is panicked for lance’s safety and they desperately organise a rescue mission for him terrified that hes getting tortured and losing hope but by the time they find him he’s already got one foot out the door and has rescued himself is ENDLESSLY funny to me. like he really said ‘damsel in distress who’ and i love him for that lmao
5. Garfle! Warfle! Snick! by IronScript
How the game show episode actually should have happened.
I'll admit to being a Lance stan, but even people who don't like him seem to agree that he was really fucked over in this episode. So here's my attempt at it. Is it more realistic than what actually happened? I like to think so.
another ironscript fic bc they nail bamf lance. this is how the gameshow WOULD have gone if vld gave a shit about their characters like actually. like yes of course the team is proud of each other and capable of acknowledging mistakes. of course keith knows lance’s worth. of course lance is a badass. of course the team knows wtf theyre doing. love to read this when i get mad about the game show
that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!
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jaskierx · 5 months ago
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hi gay people in my phone who wants to hear about the Day i’ve Had
so like many of us i have a close friend from school who i was Weirdly Close with at the time and i was in love with her and i didn’t tell her and a few times we got drunk and made out and then one time we both got Really Drunk and had sex and i thought we’d go somewhere but in the morning she said she didn’t really remember it. and then later (by which point i had got together with my now husband) i told her i loved her in school and she told me she had been in love with me too but never told me and we were both kind of like ‘huh! well isn’t that something!!’
anyway i stayed with my partner and she dated a few people and eventually she started seeing this guy who is a dick and has moved her to a really remote area where his family live and she doesn’t know anybody there, she doesn’t have a job, she can’t drive, she’s relapsed with her ed, etc. and she’s marrying him next year and she desperately wants me to come to the wedding bc i’m all she has and he has vetoed it (understandably) bc he knows i don’t like him. and every time she’s drunk she messages me like ‘i wish you could come to the wedding. i’m really lonely here’ and i’ve made it so clear that if she ever wants out, i’ll make it happen, i’ll get her travel sorted, i’ll give her a place to stay, she is welcome to turn up on my doorstep unannounced in the middle of the night
and it’s been years now and i don’t see her much (like. once every couple of years) especially since she moved away. and we don’t talk very often anymore. so i kinda don’t think about it. it’s not something i’m actively worrying about. in my head i’d made my peace with it.
EXCEPT i had a really vivid dream last night (like the most vivid dream i’ve had in years) that she asked me to pick her up bc she wanted to leave him. and i did and he came home as we were leaving and had this big argument and we left anyway and went to my house. and she told me she loved me and had sex with me and my husband but in the dream it was like. entirely focused on her and then i woke up and my brain has felt like scrambled egg ever since bc it felt so fuckin real and i do not like it
bc it’s like. i don’t want to be with her. i love her and she will always be important to me but i don’t want to be her partner and i don’t want to sleep with her and i haven’t wanted that for years and years and i never want to be with anyone but my husband ever again. but i also don’t want her to marry that guy and be stuck there forever! i want better for her! he’s going to end up making her have a bunch of kids she doesn’t want and being his housewife forever and i just want to like. rescue her. which i don’t have the right to do. bc she can make her own choices and doesn’t need saving and even if she did i am not the person to do that
but i’ve spent the whole day sitting like 🫥🫥🫥 bc wtf is my brain doing man i don’t need this i had to go to work and have Meetings today. and instead i’m constantly turning the whole situation over in my head and also worrying that i’m a terrible person for essentially having a sex dream involving someone i know and have previously fucked while i’m asleep next to my partner yk. anyway!!!!!!
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interdimensionalpancakes · 5 months ago
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i have mixed feelings about Bridgeton s3 as a whole and while I think some moments were really good:
Pen and Eloise reconciliation and Eloise becoming more mature, by not seeing things so clear-cut
I liked the ending ball with the butterflies
Pen making amends with her mother and inviting her back into her life. All of the scenes with her mom and her were actually really good.
Cressida scenes were all so good, I enjoyed her growth
I enjoyed the family moments. Especially Violet's struggle to accept Lord Kilmartin but eventually accepted bc she valued her child's happiness over her own opinions
the fact that it's benedict's season next season
there are subjects that weren't fleshed out well that I'm frustrated about:
how they handled the conversation on gender and female identity: the show's description of it is a little surface level tbh and they did nothing to show how cruel women were treated [other than being forced to marry old men] that they could have expanded upon. I dislike how they tossed Cressida aside and pictured her as the villain when she was absolutely the victim. Yes, blackmailing someone is bad, but she was desperate and she did not deserve the ending the season gave her and it would have been a better writing direction to focus on the theme of forgiveness, by having Penelope, who was seeking forgiveness in the end too, to extend forgiveness to Cressida and offering a way to escape her woes and exposing Lord Greer and giving her some money to escape and find a new life elsewhere as an act of mercy. yk, treat others the way you want to be treated.
how they handled the conversation on privilege: they were almost getting somewhere when Cressida put Colin in his place about how she can't afford to choose who she marries/ she has never felt the privilege of having a loving parent, a fact that I think Penelope would relate to. The fact that Colin still talks this way in EPISODE 8, about "how her father will understand", in the LAST episode made me wince. Don't even get me started on his character development.
Colin's apology to Penelope: he didn't really apologize. I wish he had acknowledged what he said to her in anger. He keeps bringing up Marina (who lied to him but he seemed to let that go), to Pen and memorizing a list of her "crimes" until episode 8. I just don't buy his apology of him asking her for a dance after he said things like "I don't know [if i can still love you]", "I will never forgive you", or "you made think I was underserving of your love" [which he absolutely was, this man embarrassed her publicly and didn't even want to know why she started writing whistledown, smh], "you entrapped me" (?).
this is not a hate on anyone involved in the show, especially the actors, we don't hate here, these are just my thoughts.
I love the actors and there was a lot of heart put in the show, but i hope in future seasons there will be a lot more thematic direction driving their writing so it reflects why the show resonates with so many people which is the boundary pushing messages about social issues that are still relevant today.
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horizon-verizon · 6 months ago
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Helaena in F&B: not as beautiful as the others Targs, claimed Dreamfyre and rarely rides her, was married to Aegon and he cheated on her, had twins then another boy, was crowned by Alicent, “my sweet sister”, Blood & Cheese, goes mad, hostage, suicide, the end.
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I finally went over to Twitter to see what today's hubbab over Helaena was about and came from. Apparently green stans have been barking about the dragon twins having more lines than Helaena in the new season. However, it had been the other way around in the last season, and nonsensically, too. Since Baela and Rhaena ae both way more important and active characters than Helaena is both during the war and afterwards. And Helaena simply doesn't do much of (except the choice b/t her kids and suicide) anything...and they have the nerve to want "book accuracy". Honey, the show that you love isn't book accurate! That's why Helaena is featured more than the twins line-wise!!! Like what?
Now they wish to cry about "book accuracy" when it "disfavors" & decenters their favs and before they hated how Aegon became what he likely always was going by the info we do get in the text--a rapist?!!!
If green stans want to say that Helaena was "good" bc she was beautiful and implying her "beauty" was "better" than the rest. Which could likely have misogynoirist and sexist-against-white women connotations, seeing as the twins are Black in the show and we know who these people and what they have implied and said of the Velaryons/the twins. Then I'd point out how canonically, Helaena was socially considered not as pretty or "striking" as Rhaenyra or any Targ (what the text explicitly says) and that inevitably mean the twins and Rhaenyra. The same society they love to tout as in the right to exclude women from the line of succession. Bombs away.
We really shouldn't be evaluating the worth or value of a woman on her looks, so they and many black stans have fallen into that trap.
Shouldn't have come to that, but I warn you, it will. That's just the beginning of more pointed criticisms of the twins vs their fav...or the most fervent wave. IDK.
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lovingherrscher · 1 year ago
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Taenia memoriae
Ft: Dazai Osamu x Reader.
Notes: Happy birthday, my dear love. This is an old work of mine, I decided to translate it for this year bc I lack the time and I'm still working on another fic for him.
Taenia memoriae means "Ribbon of memories"
Warnings: Mentioning of suicide, breaking the 4th wall, slightly angsty. This may come off hard to understand without these following medias:
Puella Magi Madoka Magica - Rebellion
Higurashi no Naku Koro ni - Saikoroshi-hen.
Other keywords: talking to yourself, isekai.
Best with: Taenia memoriae - Puella Magi Madoka Magica.
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"Please see me again and then, if you dislike me, say so plainly. The flames in my breast were lighted by you; it is up to you to extinguish them. I can't put them out by my unaided efforts. If we meet, if we can only meet, I know that I shall be saved."
-The Setting Sun - Dazai Osamu.
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You seal the letter with wax and put it in the drawer, where other letters suffer the same fate. Once written, forever sealed away.
"Now ain't that a waste?"
"Mind your own business. He wouldn't reply them anyway."
With that said, you stood up, stretching a little before glancing at the clock, only to realize it's been three hours since you sat down. Shouldn't you be preparing for dinner? Nah. You ate a little too much at lunch so you can skip dinner anyways.
You are an ordinary person to say, except for the fact that you are a little well, "deluded", at least that's how the world sees you. But no one can forbid you from dreaming, right~? Yet from the world's perspective, you are anything but a sane person. A human being ought to love another human being, then get married, have children, like any other 'normal' human being. But in your case, you had faintly realized that you do not belong in this world. You don't have any connections to it it or whatsoever, like a living ghost wandering.
You love someone who isn't real, to the point you're not only head over heels for him, but you worship him like a god. You once said that you deems yourself very much alike to that Akemi Homura girl. Met someone, and that person completely changed your life upside down. And you will do anything for that person's sake. Even if it means burning down the world.
To you, he's like a drug you can never get enough of. You never know when is it that he captured your heart, all you know was that the moment you realize this, he had you wrapped around his fingers already. You know that this man will be the death of you, but you still chase him like the moth chasing flame anyways. The flame of love started out flickering like a small candle, and by time it gets stronger, to the point it's like a monster lurking around, waiting to strike you down. Yet you accept it nonetheless, for he had became your shining beacon of hope.
There were times you dreamed of him, dreams where you two can finally unite. You know that you and him are like a lost child who keeps crying, waiting for someone to soothe them, to pick them up and take them back to a place they can call home. Your souls are like shattered glass that's being kept together with mere glue and duct tape, unstable and can be broken again any minute now. And you, you have a strong belief that you two are the only one who can heal each other. Or perhaps you two are just licking your own wounds?
"Y'know, sometimes I think you might be someone who got their ass whopped and isekai-ed here."
"Speak some decent human language, would you?"
"C'mon, I'm just playing with you! Don't do such a scary face!"
"Glad that I was able to scare the shit outta you."
"Motherfucker... I wish I could wipe that shit-eating grin out your face..."
You simply smiled at them and put on your headphones. Let's see, what should you listen to today~? Ah yes, it's gonna be his character song. You've been missing his sweet voice after all.
"If I can’t even grasp the meaning of life,
then I’ll say to this worthless night, goodbye.
But even though I think so… I’m still here."
This line reminds you of yourself. You've had countless thoughts about being able to rest in peace from the moment you awared that you've been living a life of shame. The thought of being dead haunts you like a ghost, it keeps whispering to you day or night, sleeping or awaken. But you can't just do whatever it said, because you are one hell of a coward. You're scared of pain. You don't want to bother others. For that you've become a living ghost wandering this world. What a twisted joke coming from fate.
That night when you almost took your own life, he had appeared and gripped your arm. It's natural to say that thanks to him, you had reborn, for the truth that since the day you two met, you've changed so drastically you can merely recognize yourself. And that moment was when you decided you'd give him your life. Until this body of yours wilt away, you shall forever be with him, and offer everything you have to him.
You've gone crazy for love, that's what people say. But to you, it's crazily beautiful. So you'll show the world how great your love is right this moment.
"Ah... The breeze feels so good here."
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You don't know when did you fell asleep, and all of the sudden you felt an arm wrapping around your waist. You jolted up, looking at the person. It was none other than Dazai, Dazai Osamu. This fluffy chocolate hair, this bandaged hand, and that mesmerizing face you've been looking at all over and over again. You can't stop tears from streaming down your face as you tackle him to a rib-crushing hug, forgetting the fact that he was still sound asleep.
"Ouch! Can you wake me up more gentle next time? Maybe with a kiss~?"
He was going to go on, but the scene of you crying as you cling onto him tightly like this caused his smile to vanish. Instead of fooling around like everyday, he returns the hug and pat your head gently. No words needed as you two kept clinging onto each other for that familiar warmth you longed so dearly.
It took you a lot of time to finally calm down. Dazai decided to break the silence, "What's wrong, (y/n)?"
"I had a sickening dream."
"A dream where I was dead?"
"No. Worse. I saw that I was in a world where you aren't real to begin with, yet I still love you with all my heart and soul nonetheless, and that torments me. I was so close to you, yet so far. Even if our souls are connected, wouldn't it be meaningless if we can't touch nor feel each other's warmth?"
"And then... I killed myself. Hoping that I'll finally be able to see you.", your voice was hoarse, it almost feels like you're going to burst out in tears again.
"It must have been hard for you...", he mutters quietly. It felt like his arms around you squeezed tighter in a brief moments. Does that mean... Your dream was real..?
"Say that you love me, Osamu."
"I love you. I really love you."
"Thank you..."
Your lips met. His lips and embrace feels so soft and warm. They feel like 'home'. And that brings your soul to ease. His hands felt a little rough and calloused, probably from holding guns, presumably from when he was a mafioso, yet to you, they feel softer than any kind of silk, and so gentle, as if he's treating a glass doll.
Love. That's the pinnacle of emotions. Warmer than hope, deeper than despair, that's what love is.
"You know..."
"Yes?"
"In my dream, you were a writer, but you were also a detective, and you even existed as a character in a game."
Dazai became quiet upon the words. "Writer, huh...", you know that he was reminiscing of his deceased friend, who dreamed of becoming a writer, where he can write novels in a room that look out to the sea. He was delving into his own memories, about those days he was still drinking at Lupin with that friend. That was the only place he can drop the facade and expose his true self.
"I don't think that was a dream..." you mutter inaudibly, as you lean your head against his chest, holding him close to you.
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b0ard1ngsch00l · 22 days ago
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(boss crush anon) thanks :D i'll start with context, im 28 and hes 48..funnily enough i had a dream recently where i was back in high school and he was my teacher LOL, thought that was relevant. ive had this crush for a few months now and have been writing about every little interaction i have with him. one of your posts that rly spoke to me was "i want to mean something to him", bc girl no joke ive written that exact sentiment about him before. every time i talk to him feels special, i get a legit high thinking about seeing him every day. hes so painfully handsome and nice to me, sometimes when he sees me his whole face just lights up and he gives me this HUGE smile. hes also the only person i work with who calls me by a shortened version of my name <3 one of my other coworkers even noticed that he did that and i was like 0///0 yeah he has a nickname for me so what?
there was an after-work happy hour that i went to once, i brought a friend and asked her to watch how he acted around me bc he can be hard for me to read sometimes, i cant see his behavior objectively when i have so much wishful thinking going on lol. she told me later that when we walked in, he made a beeline straight for me right away, and seemed sorta shy when talking to me. she asked how i was doing at my job (i was new at the time) and he said something like "shes awesome! every day that shes here is a great day!" and my face mustve been beet red..he kept showing up in our conversations with other people and standing near me, something ive noticed he does a lot in group situations. just recently, we had an premiere with lots of people and since i was on the clock i was standing by myself in the back of the room, watching in case someone needed anything. fr he comes over and stands RIGHT next to me. there was no one else around that area, he chose to stand right beside me while we watched the premiere.
he was out of the office for a whole week once (work related reasons) and i angsted so hard..not seeing him on weekends is bad enough but this was like 10 days and i was going feral. we followed each other on instagram after that happy hour and during that week he was gone he randomly liked one of my posts late at night. i have to wonder if he was missing me too..the next day he came by my work area to ask "whats new?", like he just wanted to catch up after being away which i thought was sweet. yesterday he was teasing me about hiding some of our work halloween decorations in my car to scare me (cute lol), today he was showing me how to tape a package with a confusing tape dispenser and our hands brushed multiple times while handing the tape back and forth, and god only knows whatll happen tomorrow!!
hes so wonderful and i rly want to know more about him, i want to be around him constantly and any time i get with him is instant dopamine. hes intoxicating and i feel selfish wishing he'd break a million rules for me (boss/employee relations, 20 year age gap, and yeah you guessed it hes also married) but i just cant help myself......im not planning on making a move bc i love my job too much to risk getting fired for that, but if HE did you know id reciprocate in an instant. but im glad to just know him even if things remain the same as they are forever, as much as i wish theyd escalate. THANK YOU for letting me get this all out of my system, theres even more i could say but this is long enough lol. have an amazing day, G <333333333
This was very enjoyable to read thank you! The way you both are seems sooo cute! I’m so glad you can relate to me <33 I so get you, and everything you’re feeling yk. It’s hard being obsessed with middle aged men who deep down you know you can’t have😭 but also there’s no other feeling like it and it’s kinda the best! Any time you need to rant about him I’d love to hear!💕
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hypergamiss · 11 months ago
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I wish this was talked about more in this part of tumblr, but any resources discussing birth control? Today I spoke with a girl who has gained an ungodly amount of weight since starting birth control 3 years ago (depo shot). She showed me her “before” picture and I was shocked. We’re talking a 175+ lb weight gain.
I had a similar experience when I briefly tried it for a year and a half. I only gained 40 pounds and it quickly fell off the moment I stopped taking it. Once I realized what was happening, I quickly stopped taking it. I was basically malnourished trying to maintain a healthy body and avoid the weight gain but nothing worked.
The men I’ve been with, never feel comfortable that I’m not on anything. When I explain why, they always say, “I won’t care if you gain weight” and we all know that’s bullshit. The girl I talked to today, said that her ex broke up with her because he didn’t like how much weight she had gained since starting BC so that she could have sex with him 🙄
I hate how women have to sacrifice so much of their comfort and health in order to accommodate men. It’s like we lose no matter what we do. Whether it’s the pill, shot, patch, arm implant, etc, there’s going to be some sort of discomfort and I hate it. I know another girl who did the vaginal implant and she passed out on the drive back because she was in so much pain.
I wish this was talked about more as well and I 100% agree with your feelings.
I think it’s important for us women to only entertain men who genuinely care about our well-being and are empathetic towards the things we go through as women. I've never been with a guy who didn't try to comfort me while dealing with my cycle or anything related to my womb.
In my last relationship, I was on regular bc and we still had a pregnancy scare so we mutually decided to try an IUD after that. It turned out to be uncomfortable as well and he even said he could feel it during intercourse. There were times when I was in so much pain he would shed a couple of tears with me and he said it was because he felt helpless and he felt like he couldn’t do anything about it but watch me be in pain. On top of that, my libido was very low and I stopped having sex with him. He was really mature about it and brought it up in conversation and expressed how he was frustrated because we weren't being intimate and we couldn't understand why. I knew I loved him and found him attractive (he literally looked like a fitness model) but I thought something was wrong with me (it was because of bc). During this time I started to switch my healthcare providers so my new OBGYN was in a different country outside of the U.S. and that really changed things for me. This doctor took a more holistic approach and we decided to take the IUD out. We got my cycle back to regular and decided to track my fertile days to prevent pregnancy with a combination of using spermicide. That worked perfectly fine and it was the best method for my situation (everyone has unique experiences).
Present day I just don't plan on being intimate with anyone I wouldn't marry or see as a potential father figure for my future children.
"The men I’ve been with, never feel comfortable that I’m not on anything. When I explain why, they always say, “I won’t care if you gain weight” and we all know that’s bullshit."
In my opinion, if a man is not open to having a full-blown discussion over something as critical as bc and even doing his own research, it would be a red flag for me. There are men out there who are willing to take your concerns seriously and not make you feel hopeless and alone. I never went to any of my doctor appointments alone and at one point my partner was more knowledgeable than me about the different options available and asked my doctor more questions than me. Of course, they are driven because they want to be intimate but it definitely feels like they genuinely care just as much when they are like this.
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lildoodlecat · 2 years ago
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I posted 2,958 times in 2022
That's 1,521 more posts than 2021!
201 posts created (7%)
2,757 posts reblogged (93%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@lordofcalamity
@anxiousgod
@hungrydolphin91
@fontasticcrablettes
I tagged 2,939 of my posts in 2022
Only 1% of my posts had no tags
#tales of zestiria - 603 posts
#mikleo - 428 posts
#sorey - 394 posts
#f - 306 posts
#mdzs - 303 posts
#tgcf - 275 posts
#sormik - 248 posts
#svsss - 244 posts
#wei wuxian - 202 posts
#jay yells - 196 posts
Longest Tag: 129 characters
#tgcf is my favorite series ever since i read it back in february i hope to inflict it upon as many friends as possible (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
Sometimes I think abt how neither Shang Qinghua OR Mobei Jun are going by their real names
Shang Qinghua? The name of the character Airplane transmigrated into!! (Tho there are some hc's that sqh was his self insert w/ his real name and those are fun)
Mobei Jun? Inherited name!!! Jun is just a suffix akin to lord or smth (don't quote me on that I don't have my book handy I just remember it's high status) and Mobei is passed down through his family to whoever is to inherit the power from their predecessor
Like wtf you two you live like this?? Anyway they should kiss and/or fuck abt it
114 notes - Posted November 28, 2022
#4
I finished rereading the main story of scum villain and got emotional fuuuck
how are bingqiu so!!!! how dare they do this to me fucking
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"This time, no matter where you wish to go, this master will accompany you."
crying wtff
I also was once again reminded that zzl is a minor character ;w; my best boy..
Anyway waiting for volume 4 for the extras ✨
125 notes - Posted August 9, 2022
#3
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Luo Binghe nodded. He had more to say, but he sensed something slightly off. Shen Qingqiu seemed to be paying extra attention to him today. He couldn't help but smile.
"Why does Shizun keep looking at me?" he asked. "Could it be that this disciple was gone for so long that Shizun also missed him?"
"I'm not allowed to look at someone I raised?" asked Shen Qingqiu.
Luo Binghe chortled. "Of course Shizun is allowed. Am I pleasing to look at?"
Shen Qingqiu shook his head while smiling, and he considered his next words.
one of my favorite scenes from when lbh was still a 'white lotus' as sqq would say ✨
too bad his shizun is so dense with internalized homophobia and dumbass he doesn't even know lbh is flirting with him at all,,
ah sqq you are such a silly man I love watching you fuck around and find out
130 notes - Posted August 2, 2022
#2
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"the fact that sqq ended up marrying blorbo from his books"
ik it's been said but putting it like this has me losing it sjxkdk
Truly a man living the dream (with the catch of 'all the other shit that happens to him first')
205 notes - Posted July 9, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
when it comes to mxtx novels they're all a lil (maybe a lot) fucked up and dark in their own ways but there is a key difference in how I enjoy them
mdzs and tgcf: a little silly sometimes but also gripping story and ✨romance✨
svsss: caught between laughing my ass off and just trying to hold on to whatever the fuck is happening bc scum villain does weird shit and then just keeps going
220 notes - Posted June 8, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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copinghex · 21 days ago
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I'm a bit nervous, there's a while I don't do this
The first paragraphs were so gripping!! Heaven's pain and how Arthur's support is almost not enough to soothe her. I can't wait to see how John's death will affect the relationship bc it clearly hits a nerve on both of them!!
“Hey Pol’!" You cheered, a wicker basket filled with pastries dangling at your wrist, "I've brought some croissants and éclairs. Thought it could help put up with today's meeting."
Her greeting is so cute, I was yearning for more of my mystic girls and got hit by Tommy, I had forgotten how much I despised him here 🙄
Shark, the Tommy x Heaven scene struck a cord towards an aspect of him I never talked about: his selfishness
There's something in the way (non Nirvana pun intended) he shares an unbreakable bound with Arthur and how (at least in canon, I'm not sure how things will play along in HYE, especially if Arthur finds out about Tommy's attraction to his wife) they seem unable to live without the other, but at the same time that's not enough to make T fully respect A and I suppose it makes sense if I use the You're the oldest brother and wasn't able to fulfill the role so I had to take the reins motivation
However, trying to woo Heaven speaks much louder. T """"respected"""" Linda because she kept A """on the line""" and he is a logical creature (sometimes lol) it'd make more sense to keep peace with her and find a balance. Him choosing not to makes me think the same I did when he married Grace despite all the pain she caused to Ada and Danny, when it comes to matters of the heart, Tommy will do whatever he thinks is better for him, it doesn't matter how many people he'll hurt
Anyways... I had this whole thought process and in this next scene I was like-
All you wished was to protect your man and show the world that they better fear Arthur Shelby's wife as much as him if it isn't more.
Slaay!! 💅💅
And the smut, it was so sexy then they started to have a full conversation in the middle lol, it speaks volumes about the intimacy they share, I gotta love them 🤭
Now, songs!! At this point I can't remember what I recommend so I apologize if I already said one of those
Oh my dear lord by The unlikely candidates for Heaven not catching a damn break, like pleeease, she just wants to be left alone and live in peace with her man 🙏🏽
My gun Tove Lo has seductive vibes I think fit her well
Pacifier by Catfish and the Bottleman for Tommy x Heaven because I still can't believe what fcking idiot he is
Heaven in Your Eyes || Arthur Shelby x Reader!OC
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Summary:  Running from your past doesn’t work anymore now that you’ve been directly involved in the Vendetta. Between violence, threats and schemes, you understand that you will only retrieve your peaceful haven with Arthur if you get out of this war with blood under your nails. featuring Tommy Shelby x Reader
Words: 7.5k
TW: alteration of canon events, canonical violence, graphic depiction of murder, SMUT +18, hint at gunplay, cockwarming, piv, non-protected , obsessive love, extreme co-dependent relationship. They are sincerely deranged, sorry about that. No proofreading, we die like men.
Notes:
✞ This is the last quiet chapter of Act II, shit will start to get real in the next part. Also, the smut is just a part of the chapter, not the entire thing.
✞ This is chapter 14 of the Arthur Shelby x You series Heaven in Your Eyes. Each chapter can be read as stand-alone but reading the whole series will make the experience far more intense.
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PREVIOUS || Masterlist || NEXT PART
The crackling symphony of burning wood whispered to the stillness, each pop and hiss forming the melody of a sorrowful farewell to John Shelby. Amidst the flickering glow you emerged, your white hair cascading like a waterfall of moonlight around your shoulders to the small of your back. The firelight waltzed upon your features, bringing up the mesmerizing interplay of diamond dust and frost that composed you.
How many more?
The question flashed in your thoughts, leaving a trail of caustic soda that scorched your skull from the inside. How many more of your loved ones should you see burn, their flesh eaten by a voracious fire, until God decided He had enough fun tormenting you? Two faint dimples appeared on your cheeks as you gritted your teeth, the cold winter wind blowing at the black veils of your long and seductive black dress that floated elegantly behind you like the sinister drapes of the Reaper's cloak. In utter silence, Arthur lowkey shifted his focus from the vardo to you with concern and, taking notice of the destructive sparkle in your eyes, pulled you closer. The sensation might have been comforting but your body didn’t answer to his affection, remaining limp and disconnected. To be completely honest, you were feeling so physically and emotionally cold that you would have believed you were made of frost if his coat, which was resting over your shoulders, and his comforting hand, that was on your lower back, weren't there to offer you a bit of warmth.
As the scent of Arthur's reassuring cologne kept you anchored to reality, you finally woke up from your gluey negativity and instinctively nestled against your husband, who placed a discreet and tender kiss on the corner of your lips. The familiar ticking of his facial hairs on your skin sent a wave of comfort through your soul and reminded you that, despite everything that had been going on between the two of you lately, he had been, still was, and will always be your only saving grace. You wondered if, maybe, it was time for you to go back home. Not that his betrayal had been forgotten or forgiven, but you needed him more than ever. For a shit ton of reasons.
“You’re frozen, angel. You sure you wanna stay hm?” He whispered, the tender gravel in his voice clearing your morbid contemplation of the burning vardo, which brought to your mind the sickening memories of your mother and little sister burning at the stake. A long exhale escaped from your fleshy lips as you tried to keep the demons of your past on a leash — and ignore a sudden wave of nausea.
“I’m not going anywhere. If John is burning I might as well freeze.” Your reply was a bit blunter than intended, but Arthur got it. The way you watched the flames climb higher and higher left no doubt about the devastating anger raging inside. They will pay, you silently swore to John, convinced he could hear you from where he was. If bringing him back was out of your abilities, at least you could avenge him by bringing upon every single man who plotted his death a demise worse than death. Just like Thomas Shelby, they would soon know how much pain you could inflict with your tiny and delicate hands, the holiness of your appearance being nothing more than a facade to mask the methodical killer you were. To hell with the promise of not killing again, having blood on your hands seemed to be the price to pay for Arthur and his love. While you lost yourself in the meanders of your thoughts, the cacophonic detonations of gunshots roared in the quiet meadow.
You had barely heard them when, with movements nimble and quick, you pushed Arthur to the ground and stood still to protect him in a reflex you couldn’t fight. The booming sounds might have been loud, they didn’t made you flinch. Quite the contrary, your aquamarine eyes stared at the horizon in search of the slightest threat, just in case the shots fired hadn’t come from the Gold. For a very short while you had been the only one standing, all the Shelby clan on the ground with hands covering their head. Even Tommy, who had schemed the attack, played the safety card and remained covered just the time to make sure the shootings came from their side.
"For fuck's sake, Heaven." Arthur barked at you as he stood up on his long legs, ignoring Tommy in the background who was keeping everyone under his control by yelling. The lanky gangster's hand grabbed your fragile wrist firmly and pulled you closer to him again, steel blue eyes glowing with disapproval at your reckless behavior.
"That was Thomas’ plan right?” You simply replied, your reliable source of information being Aberama and Bonnie themselves -- it was a part of the many perks of living with them in the nearby woods.
“Come on, Angel! A plan ain't going to be always working ay. It could have been the Ital—“ The oldest Shelby brother, with his thick brows furrowed, could not finish his sentence for you hushed him by cupping his face with your freezing little hands. Falling silent, the wolf turned into a lamb as you gently pressed his cheeks, forcing him to look at you.
"Chéri." You started, the pink tip of your tongue moistening your enchanting lips. Each of your movements seemed to bewitch him, to the extent that he almost forgot why he had been that irked, the inferno of his rage instantly cooling down, "I am fine see?” Despite the softness of your voice, he could sense a bit of impatience in your steady tone. Without leaving any time for questions or protests, you laid a small kiss on his cold lips, "We are fine." The melody of your voice was merely a whisper that vanished in the howling wind when your winter lips met his a second time for a deeper kiss. Soft and glossy flesh against rough one. A wild storm of happiness coursed through Arthur at the sensation of this long-awaited mark of affection tingling on his skin, and electrifying his heart. A rapture so strong that the world blurred around him for a moment — he would have probably slipped his tongue in your mouth if the moment wasn't inappropriate. When you pulled back from him, your lips curled in a faint but sincere smile before you squished his scruffy cheeks and released his face from your cold grip. After three years together, it was only at this very moment that Arthur understood that he wasn’t the true guardian and fellow protector of the couple. You were.
Fiercer. Crazier. And certainly far more dangerous.
"Put us out there on purpose... To use John's funeral fire as a fucking beacon!" Aunt Polly's outraged and trembling voice erupted from behind, her words stabbing Tommy like red-hot daggers. If they hurt, he didn’t let it show though. Forced to part from you before his brother and aunt went for each other’s throat, Arthur intervened.
"We were never in any danger, Polly."
"You set a trap. You set a trap with us as fucking bait." She blurted out, standing from her chair and walking to Tommy with steps so furious you were pretty sure she was going to plow into him. Indignation was radiating off her, her dark eyes wishing they had the power to kill. If it had been the case little King Shelby would have been already lying in a pool of his own blood, "Who's dead?!"
After his younger brother had tried to explain to the old harpy that the victims were two Italians, Arthur went on, "We got word to them about the funeral, the where, the when… Told them where to stand for the best shot."
"And Aberama Gold will do the rest." Tommy completed his brother's sentence as if he was an extension of himself — which was the case, you reckoned, when he wasn't busy criticizing you for breathing. From then, the voices only escalated, trying to overcome one another and win the argument by screaming louder than the other until someone eventually gave up. Which was a miracle that would never happen since we were talking about Tommy and Polly. Both of them were two equally stubborn mutts fighting for the same bone and how this argument ended had been predictable: The fierce aunt left, Hell shaking under her heels.
Now was the perfect opportunity to talk.
"Arthur," Your divine voice hailing him, resounding in the meadow like a haunting siren’s song, its unsettling melody sending shivers down Ada's spine. She glanced at you and, for a quick second, the memory of you covered with blood flashed in her mind. Years had passed since you murdered Father’s Hughes accomplice with a pair of scissors but she still couldn't forget what happened back then. She wouldn’t admit it but her trust in you had never been the same from this moment.
Snatched from his thoughts, Arthur turned around, frowning. The family argument had soured his mood.
"Hm?"
"Now I wanna leave." You stated, your seraphic tone as sharp as the razor blades in your man’s cap. This hostility wasn’t aimed at him though, but at Tommy for you had pronounced these four words while glaring at him, indescribable hatred burning in your frozen iris. You might have been aware of the plan, it didn’t mean you agreed with it: the idea of using John’s funeral still infuriated you but your mourning soul hadn’t the strength to fight it. "I'm going home.” Arthur's heart missed a beat, afraid of seeing you disappear again in the depths of the woods. It had been one hell of a harsh week without you and while he — hardly — understood that you needed space, his patience was growing thin, worn out by jealousy and overwhelming dependence. After all, if Aberama was a thief, why wouldn’t he steal his most precious treasure? Or worse, he’s son. Younger, healthier and so much more handsome than him, he thought with gritted teeth and hateful eyes.
"Oh yeah? " Coming closer, Arthur tried his best not to let his murderous jealousy talk and, instead, took a long black key from the pocket of his dark duffle coat "Home ain't with the Gold. Home's—"
"57 Watery Lane. I go there, lock the door and wait for my husband. S'that what you wanted to say?" You suggested, one eyebrow raised and your pale eyes staring at him like two fathomless and cursed jewels. Arthur swallowed nervously, the intense eye contact feeling like an eternity. Besides immediate regrets, the reason for his silence was that he was convinced he messed up again, judging by your sudden cold demeanor. So, afraid you’d lash out at him for his sudden jealousy, all he did was nod and try to keep his composure in front of everyone to pretend he was the one in charge. But you knew him too well not to recognize the sadness in his beautiful but vacant steel-blue eyes. You knew exactly what was going on in his head: he was expecting you to reject him in front of everyone, just like Linda used to do. “Alright” You articulated, and yet your reaction was the strict opposite of what he thought you’d do. Bringing your hand to his, you gave it a gentle squeeze before taking the key, "That’s the home I was talking about, love." You added, your glossy lips curling in a faint but oh-so-reassuring smile that made him swoon with indescribable fascination. Punctuating your sentence with a little wink, you finally turned your heels and left the meadow, your walk as elegant and confident as a fearsome lioness coming back from the hunt.
A predatory and frightful confidence that disappeared as soon as you reached your house. You had barely heard the sound of the door closing when, sick in the stomach, you rushed to the toilets and dropped on your knees to throw up.
"Fuck..." The curse escaped from your trembling lips as you quickly wiped them with a towel, tears beading at the corner of your aquamarine eyes. Polly was right: you did know when to pick your moment. As strong as you were, you had trouble coping with the news of your unexpected pregnancy. So much trouble that you couldn’t rejoice and that lack of enthusiasm only added a layer of guilt to your restless mind. “Fuck!” You snarled, teeth bared. Fuck you, them, all, and everything.
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The sound of your platform boots' sharp heels echoed in the sanitized corridors of the hospital as you headed towards Michael's bedroom, your hips elegantly swinging to the rhythm of the silent savage drums of your heart. Tommy had called another lengthy and boring meeting to discuss both the Shelby Company Limited's new installments and the Vendetta, and as well as you dreaded his presence you had to be a part of it now that you were a Shelby. Moreover, the whole mess got even more problematic since Luca Changretta had managed to find a way to break into the Shelby factory and directly talk to his turquoise-eyed opponent for the sole pleasure of seeing a sparkle of panic in his eyes when he threatened to kill the rest of his family.
Surprising as it may sound considering your deep resentment for Tommy's long speeches and the man himself, you arrived pretty early. Not for him, but for Polly Gray. By coming earlier, you knew you'd have a bit of time to talk privately with her about the baby, for she had been the one discovering your secret pregnancy. “Hey Pol’!" You cheered, a wicker basket filled with pastries dangling at your wrist, "I've brought some croissants and éclairs. Thought it could help put up with today's meeting." The bright smile you bore soon vanished from your plumped lips when your winter eyes met with the dark silhouette of your brother-in-law, standing in front of you with his calloused hands in his pockets and his cold gaze staring at your angelic complexions with an unfathomable look. Turning into ice again, your small hand immediately reached for the door handle.
"Stay. We have to talk." He stated, his tone cool and composed. As much as he wanted his sentence not to sound like an order, he ultimately failed. As he talked, all the muscles in your body tense and you felt already irked by his presence.
"Don't." You snarled, your crystalline eyes squinting when they shot him a lethal glare, "Don't fucking come any closer." The sour and threatening expression on your face had been enough to stop Tommy. He was now clenching his perfectly carved jaw. Admittedly, he had never particularly cared about your personal space, invading it on every occasion he could just to push you to your limits and make you feel cornered, but since he had a taste of the ghastly and inhumane gift you had he'd rather be cautious.
"Alright," He said, pinching the bridge of his nose before rolling his eyes and moistening his lips in a surprisingly effusive pout. "No need to be that aggressive eh. Please have a sit." He instructed then, indicating a chair with a brief gesture of the hand.
"I ain't gonna sit. Polly tricked me.” You gritted through your teeth, spiteful at the thought of her betrayal. Your voice echoed through the room like sharp shards of frost falling from a winter sky. "You both knew that I didn't want to be left alone in a room with you anymore and still you schemed this twisted little plan." The cadence of your speech, though measured, carried an Arctic chill that made Tommy shiver. Even with the short distance that separated you, he could almost feel the ice you were made of burning his skin through the many layers of his expensive three-piece suit. In fact, you might be calm but Tommy could still feel the rumble of the storm hidden in that soft and enchanting lilt of yours.
"No one tricked you, and yes, indeed, I knew it. That's why Polly will be here with us. She's coming in any minute. Feel better now? Can you fucking sit?" Your only reply was a mocking snort that was quick to stir anger in Tommy's heart despite the placid expression etched on his face. But no matter how fine and cold the marble he was carved from was, you could see the tumultuous current beneath it. Maybe that was one of the main reasons why he hated you: no matter how hard he tried, you always managed to get under his skin and make him falter.
Silent fell in the hospital room, the two of you staring stonily at each other as you both attempted to decipher the opponent's intentions. "Seriously," Tommy was the first to move, coming nearer despite your warning — part of him did it only to prove to himself that he wasn't afraid of you. As he approached, your sharp sense heard the faint sound of his heart beating slightly quicker than usual and his breath struggling to keep quiet. Closer he came, until he stood only inches away from you, the warmth of his body brushing your skin without even touching it, and the musky scents of his cologne ticking your nostrils. " I meant it you know ay. I meant it when I said we have to end this war between us," You remained motionless, eyes staring at him, "Shut the door on it". In the hushed ambiance of the bedroom, he started to move around you with a gait that mirrored the stealthy elegance of a beast navigating its territory. His steps were a silent predatory waltz, a calculated and deliberate one that could have been dizzying if he wasn't walking around you this slowly, "At least temporarily." The air seemed to ripple with a subtle tension as he circled you like a panther, hiding his fear of you behind an aura of primal confidence, "I'm sure we could both benefit from it, ain't that the truth." You slowly exhaled as he talked, realizing you've been holding your breath for a while.
"What about backing off me and shutting your mouth until Polly comes?" You whispered, your aquamarine eyes carefully following every step he took. Admittedly, there was an undeniable magnetism in the way he moved, almost too smoothly and captivating to be human. In a primal reflex, your lips curled and you showed your pearly teeth. Beneath the shared expanse of your untamed wilderness, a silent battle waged within, as his large and strong hand delicately found rest upon your arm. The skin-to-skin contact sent an unpleasant thrill through your body. Tommy was like a big cat facing another one, testing the waters and carefully studying the line he shouldn't cross for you to snap. All in all, it was a contest whose goal was not to be the first to shy away. His fingers ghosted over your arms, trailing down your skin with an unsettling tenderness. Unwilling to cause another scandal or murder him, you gathered all your willpower not to react even when he leaned above you, looking down at your seraphic traits with curiosity gleaming in his turquoise eyes, "How did it feel when we kissed?" His words, like tempestuous whispers, stirred a sudden symphony of panic and indignation within. "Because you've... Felt."
"I did." You finally admitted, tearing through the silence you've been walling yourself in. All the ice melted in a few seconds, and your face relaxed a little bit. Two hopeful details that ignited both Tommy's gaze and ego -- of course you did, he thought.
"Look at me." His voice turned a bit softer as you slowly raised your gaze to his face.
"Do you really need me to say it out loud, Tom?" As you inched dangerously closer to him, he heard the ambient sounds of the crowded hospital fade into a distant murmur
"I do." The drumming of his heart fastened as a faint smile toyed on your lips. The proximity of your mouth, bewitchingly close yet not quite touching, was killing him. Let alone the brush of your skin under his fingertips and the shared warmth of your breaths mingling in the same intimate airspace. How beautiful you would be together. How fierce. How... Unstoppable. That was all he could think of.
"Disgust." It fell from your mouth with the softness of a chainsaw blade cutting through his guts. Tommy's eyes widened, his ego crashing on the ground and shattering like a broken mirror. He didn't react at first, confused by your harsh words, which contrasted with your angelic smile, "I felt disgusted." You tilted your head to the side, your face turning into winter again, "Now you better move from the way if you don’t want me to crush your lungs."
Tommy was about to back off in terror when he saw you moving your fingers in that peculiar way he was too familiar with.
"Sorry for being late." Polly's voice erupted in the room, saving you from spending another minute alone with Tommy. God blessed her.
"Let me help you with that." He finally said, trying his best to keep his composure at the realization that he would never be able to predict you. Never be able to control nor to own you. His fingers closed on the basket’s handle, right above your reddened wrist, and they lifted it to relieve your frail arm from the pain before he quickly stepped away from you.
"Alright, glad to see the two of you didn't butcher each other in my absence. What a wonderful improvement."
"An improvement that is." Tommy replied, pressing his palms against the table now that he had put the basket on its wooden surface.
" I was talking with the doctor about Michael's health. We have a very short time left: he's almost done with him, and both Ada and Lizzie are coming. Heaven, dear, what about Arthur?" Polly inquired, her black eyes meeting yours.
"He's still in his office at the Shelby factory. But I must admit I thought that it would be only you and me." You stated resentfully.
"I know, love and I'm sorry about it but you wouldn't have come if I told you that Tommy was here." Her cold and sly hand gently squeezed your arm in a gentle gesture, so soft and full of motherly love that you couldn't really blame her anymore. Taking a quick look at the clock on the wall, you sighed and took place on a chair just like Polly did.
"Hurry up. Tell me what's about."
"Ain't going to keep you waiting,” Tom started and went straight to the point, motivated by the desire to see you leave this room as soon as possible, “ I want you to meet Luca Changretta."
"Thomas!" You exclaimed.
"No. You listen to me now," The gangster replied, pointing at you with his index finger, "As you know I've encountered him in the meeting room of the Shelby Company factory. We came to an agreement that stipulates that women and children shouldn't be included in the Vendetta. With that, we can guarantee a certain safety for you, Polly, Ada, Finn, and the kids."
"How... Quaint." You stated, pursing your lips in a bratty pout, "And what's the link between your deal and me potentially meeting the man who wants to see my husband dead?"
"Considering this, one of the women of this family can approach him. The idea was that Polly could meet with him and ask him to spare the family, especially Michael. In return, she would lure me into a specific place and at a specific time so that this bastard can set an ambush and kill me." As Tommy explained the original plan, you side-eyed Polly who nodded at each sentence in an attempt to reassure you.
"The problem is Luca knows the strong bond I have with my nephews. Even if I use the role of the mother ready to do everything to save her son, I fear it won't be enough to convince him. But you..." She left her sentence hanging, Tommy's raspy voice completing it. Shelbys, you swore. Sometimes you wondered if they had some telepathic shit going on between them.
"You despise me as much as Luca does but still bore the name Shelby. You'd be perfect." His gaze almost burnt you.
"Makes sense." You replied, fingers playing nervously with your dress' fabric under the table as you swallowed all the information just heard. Against all odds, his idea was impressively clever — Tommy might have a plethora of flaws but stupidity wasn’t one of them.
"Polly will help you arrange a meeting with him in a club. You talk with him, explain how you do this to save your husband, and if he asks more questions proceed with talking about our relationship." Now that they had finished revealing their plan, Tommy and his aunt were both staring at you, impatiently waiting for your answer.
"Well, I've heard enough." You simply said, getting up from your chair and making your way to the bedroom's door under the two pairs of confused eyes. Once you reached it, you grabbed the handle and watched them from above your shoulder, an amused but sharp grin dancing on your lips. "When Apocalypse comes, it seems like even Thomas Shelby wants the Devil on his team." You teased, entertained by the situation. No matter his neutral demeanor, he needed you. And that was a satisfying feeling. "That's fine with me." Your quick agreement was certainly not something Tommy and Polly expected, judging by the way they looked at you, and then at each other to make sure they heard well. But as illogical as it seemed, the reasons behind your will to get involved in the Vendetta were a matter of course: You were sick of playing the nice and fragile wife who nervously waited for her husband. You didn't come all the way back to Birmingham to be a quiet and patient little thing. You came to make them all shatter and shake at your fingertips. All you wished was to protect your man and show the world that they better fear Arthur Shelby's wife as much as him if it isn't more.
Polly followed on your heels when you opened the door, grabbing your arm and leading you outside.
"The hell you're doing?" You inquired, surprised by her sudden strength.
"One last thing. I need you to keep Arthur busy and to make him come too late for the meeting." The fierce aunt's grip closed a bit firmer around your wrist, making you wince.
"Why that ay? He has every right to attend it. He's the vice president deputy of that company as well as the oldest brother." If there was one thing Polly expected, it was you defending your husband tooth and nail. And yet she had many tricks in her sleeve.
"We don't want him to pull the trigger anymore. It's time for him to delegate and stay out of the battlefield. We didn't climb the social ladder this high to keep dirtying our hands."
Polly's speech made you blink, astonished one could scheme behind a family member's back. "Hey, that's freaking unfair for Art. You have to discuss the matter with him, it's his job we're talking. Ouch!" You whimpered when she squeezed you harder, her eyes begging you to listen.
"Think about the baby! It will need its father! We don't want him in danger any longer so please, please keep him busy just like we, women, know how to do. It's the modern approach, White Devil."
"Modern approach. Of course.”
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"Oh, Angel." Arthur said, his gravel voice underlined with a light surprise when he saw you entering his office. He was putting on his long black coat, ready to leave for the family meeting. As soon as his piercing blue eyes landed on your delicate frame he walked towards you, "Why you here? You alright? " He immediately inquired, his protective nature had grown far bigger since you'd joined him in this cursed city. The soft glow of affection shone in your eyes as you looked at him, your glossy and plump lips greeting him with a bestowed smile so sweet and radiant with love that the hurricane of worries in Arthur's skull hushed down.
"Everything's alright!" You hung your coat on a hook.
"Ain't it good news, ay." He cheered despite being in a hurry, before putting his large and rough hands on your forearms with an adorable bluntness so specific to him and rubbing them to warm your skin up, "Well look, lovely to see you but I'm late for a meeting."
"Just five minutes." You asked, coming closer until your breasts flattened against his chest, "Five teeny-tiny minutes, please?" The way your eyebrows raised and your mouth pouted enlightened your angelic face with an irresistible bratty look that never failed to get him on his knees. Arthur quickly moistened his lips while weighing the pros and cons, but it didn't take long for him to make up his mind. Especially when gazing upon that woman-child face of yours.
"Alright, alright." His raspy voice blurted out. Arthur brought his fingers in your hair to slip one of your long white locks behind your ear with an indescribable tenderness. "Needy little thing already missed her husband eh?" He cooed with amusement, his strict facial traits melting as he talked to you, tamed by your presence.
"I did.” You purred with a quick but oh-so-sincere smile, “But I also need to talk to you. Sit, please?” You suggested, the amusement of your tone brightening up his dull day. Joining motion to speech, you gently pushed him back with your two index fingers pressed on his chest. Arthur followed your movements, a bewitched smirk etched on his mouth. Just like your own reflection, each time you took a step forth he took one back until the back of his knees bumped against the desk chair. Enthralled and with lust-dilated pupils, his eyes spoke a love that transcended words. Arthur’s body finally dropped on the chair, and if he was already focused on nothing else but you, the whole universe faded into utter insignificance when you sat on his lap, straddling him. The contact between your two hips ignited a vivid desire within, which spread through his bones like wildfire and got a satisfied “hum” from him.
“What it is ye want to say?” Arthur asked, the hoarseness of his voice carrying a softness no one suspected him to hide. Despite everything you’ve been through lately, including the indescribable disappointment due to his drug relapse, you had allowed your relationship to slowly heal. You had been crystal clear, now the ball was in his court. Arthur was obviously still on trial, well aware that he needed to outperform himself to gain your precious trust back but at least you came home right after John’s funeral, and that was all that mattered.
A very short but comfortable silence floated over the room at his question, your reply taking the form of your fingers losing themselves in his slicked-back hair, massaging his head.
“Are you really in a rush?” Your voice, a delicate dance of enchantment and teasing, wove through the air and left Arthur even more captivated than he already was while you relished on every little adorable of his face — his myriad freckles were surely one of your favorite features of him. Finally, a long exhale escaped from your nostrils. How much you would have loved to stay locked up here with him forever, just you, him, and the baby, far away from this cruel world… “Peu importe ce qui se passe tu sais que je serai toujours à tes côtés, n'est-ce pas?” (translation: No matter what happens you know I'll always stand by your side, don't you?)
"I know." He replied in English. The sensation of your fingertips applying the perfect pressure on his head combined with your haunting French got him definitely wrapped around your finger. The lanky gangster was at the very edge of purring, his eyes half-closed and his piercing and intoxicated iris looking at you through his dark lashes.
As he enjoyed your massage, Arthur made the most of your proximity and let his palms wander on your dainty body, unable to keep them off you. In truth, it was nearly impossible for him not to become all handsy when you were around, no matter the where and the when. His rough hands roamed all over your being, invading every part of you. He was everywhere, softly kneading your small breasts, then trailing down your ribs to finally end his exploration on your hips he seized more firmly, almost bruising them in the process “I must say ya one hell of a cruel witch, love. You come here all hot and bratty.” He cooed, the gravel in his voice rumbling. It was so low, so powerful that it didn’t even sound like a voice but a feeling. His peculiar tone was an inextinguishable fire that enveloped your body, scorched your core, and wrapped your tired mind in a comforting haze. “Makes me feel bad to leave without taking care of ya like a good husband would do, right here on me desk…” You replied with an adorable giggle and Arthur slightly bucked his hips to press himself more against you, just for the sole pleasure of feeling his body colliding with yours. It’s not enough, he thought. It was never enough. There was always too much fabric, too much space, too much of everything between you except when he was buried deep inside of your core, both of you making one as you were meant to be. Another wave of excitement coursed through you, and you had to fight against the irresistible haze he stirred within. Delicate as a feather, you put your two tiny hands on his cheeks and raised his face for your eyes to meet — flaring steel sinking in lethal frost. “But tell me, what's that important hm?”
“First you have to promise me to stay calm. Will you?” You asked, batting your eyelashes like an untamable child about to tell her dad she had just destroyed the expensive family vase. The kind of look that drove Arthur crazy. Sometimes he still found himself astounded by how your face could go from terrifyingly cold to adorably childish. Saying that your words didn’t awaken a bit of worry inside of him would be a lie, but one sole glace at your angelic traits was enough to keep his rage leashed.
“Gonna try me best for ya, hm.” His dark blue irises were enraptured by the movements of your lips each time you spoke — your words were blurring, and his attention was turning into obsession: He missed you. Body, heart, and soul. “Hev…” He sighed in delight as your small hands abandoned his face to strip him from his vest, unbutton his shirt, and then paw at his chest.
“You won’t interrupt?” You mused, nuzzling your nose in the crook of his neck and mouthing against his warm skin. Your thumbs were now tracing circles on his chest, smoothing his hairs. 
“Told ya, angel. Your Arthur will try to be a good boy.”
“Well… I went to the hospital to keep company to Polly. I thought we would discuss trivial things but then she asked me to keep you busy.” You finally admitted, “She and Thomas wanted you to miss today’s meeting.” As painful words melt with the delightful sensations of your caresses, the sky in Arthur’s eyes darkened with black and stormy clouds. His body stiffened under yours.
“What the fuck that’s s’posed to mean?”  He growled, anger already boiling in his veins like a dangerous geyser about to burst. Fortunately enough, your calming presence helped him contain his violent temper — such was your almost supernatural effect on him. Different and yet so similar, Arthur Shelby was made of destructive fire that burnt the people around him as much as him. And yet, his fire never really intended to hurt: quite the contrary, it sought to stay warm and inviting, like a low fire dancing in a hearth. When it blazed out of control, even he couldn't prevent the damage done. You, on the other hand, were made of water. Just like a dangerously cold ocean, you were terrifying, infinite, and relentless, your calm prone to silent but always deadly tempests. “Why the fuck would they do that?!” He cursed louder this time. Feeling your man’s temper wearing thin, you gave a gentle lick on his neck to snatch his attention from his corrosive emotions. Your flat tongue trailed up his sharp jaw to his earlobe — the wet and hot caress on his skin sent thrills of arousal all over him and allowed his mind to focus on something more pleasant than this cruel betrayal.
“Because they want you to stop pulling the trigger.” You explained as quietly as you could, gently rubbing your cheek against his like a cat looking for both affection and attention. It seemed to do the trick: his face was still distorted with latent rage, the thick vein in his temple pumping, but at least he wasn’t turning the office over with his fists nor was he yelling so, overall, it was still a win.  “Modern approach they call it.” You added, using Polly's exact words to the difference that you peppered his lips with small pecs, talking between each pair of smooches to make the pill easier to swallow, “You become a general and Aberama takes care of Changretta… That’s their plan.”  
Breathing loudly through his nose, the gangster pressed his lips together until they formed a very thin line, “Modern approach ay?” Anger coiled like a snake amids the hurricane of his resentment, its hiss echoing through Arthur’s skull.  “They just wanna take me job away.” He stated, more for himself than anyone else, still digesting the news. “And they want to use ya against me? Bloody pricks.” Overpowered by an immense feeling of injustice, Arthur didn’t realize that he was digging his fingers in your thighs a bit more painfully than intended, but his roughness only fanned the flames of your own wickedness. Your skillful fingers explored him, nails brushing his ribs, then palms caressing his slim abs as if seeking to defuse the ticking bomb he was.
“I wanted to tell you everything because nothing in this fucking world will make me stand against you... I may agree with the idea of keeping you safe from harm but not at the expense of your trust.” You confessed,  finally pulling your face from his neck and wrapping him in a relieving hug with your frail arms. If he hadn’t kept his eyes open, he would have sworn that it wasn’t your arms that were surrounding him but two soft and protective feathery wings. His rough hands, which hadn't moved, spread your thighs further to feel your warmth through the thin fabric of your lace thong. Fireworks exploded in you at the hard bulge that was pressing between your legs, making you bite your fleshy lip. Arthur finally let out a long sigh and shook his head, wanting the only thing that could wash away the rage that was eating him up — one of his hands left your flesh only for his fingers to slip between your parted thighs and shift your undergarment to the side.
"C'm'here," He ordered, his breathing increasingly louder and faster.
"Love, you should really go to this meeting." You advised, shivering at the feeling of his long fingers fondling your slit.
"To hell with their meeting, they don't even want me here eh. Need ye right now." With skillful movements, he unzipped his fly and lowered his trousers just enough to free his half-hardened cock and slid it between your sensitive folds, the pleasure and anticipation crashing against you like a rogue wave against the shore. "I feel me bloody mind drift again... And I know I'mma butcher someone if yer lovely lil' cunt doesn't keep me warm." The ghost of a little smirk danced on his lips, mustache lifting on the right side of his mouth when he noticed that his words had the effect he wished for: More of your wetness trickled along his shaft and you had started to grind against him, low key moaning. “I don't fucking know what I'll do without ya..." Without waiting another minute, the gangster lined up with your begging entrance and slowly pushed his swollen tip inside.
"Yes, f-fuck them." You sighed, your nails digging into his back and your legs quivering at the overwhelming feeling of him stretching you. Usually, Arthur wasn't the patient kind and, as it was the case at this very moment, all he wanted to slam his far-too-big cock in you in one forceful thrust to have you whimper and wiggle above him, and yet, he wished to keep it languid for now. It wasn't a rough fuck he wanted, at least for now, but sexual and emotional comfort. The first sweet fantasy that plagued his mind wasn't to cum, but rather to enjoy the blissful and addictive sensation of his thick length opening your throbbing walls inch by inch and filling you entirely.
"There, I know ye can take it all." He gently bumped your cheek with his nose while his smirk turned into a sharp-toothed grin pitching half between the remnant of his anger and satisfaction.
“S’too big…” You stuttered, eyes shut and the telltale of a blush painting across your doll face. With toes curling in your high heels and your arms around his neck, you rolled your eyes in the back of your head as he pushed further. It never seemed to end, and yet it always ended up fitting despite your size difference.
“Bloody Hell, how are ya so tight after years of me ruining ya?" His words were spoken with animal growls — The truth was he had always loved the fact you were too small for him in every sense of the term. Despite the pain, a frail whimper escaped from your mouth, soon accompanied by your legs naturally parting more, instinctively submitting to him and his needs. With a meaner thrust, Arthur had no other choice but to force the way one last time to fill you completely, and when it was finally done, he let out a loud moan at the way your tight walls hugged him. "Shh, shh, that's okay." His strong hands seized your hips stronger to keep you from wiggling and pulling them back in reflex, "A good girl ye are hmm?" You nodded. It was only when his length hit your deepest spot that Arthur stopped, buried inside of you, hard and unmoving, your bodies entirely connected. Another whine escaped from your mouth, a little protesting sound that drove him mad with lust and almost made him forget that his initial desire was just to keep you sitting nice and quiet on his cock. “C’mon love, t’wasnt that hard. Ye should be used to it.” The only reply he got was you rolling your hips to adjust to his size for a comfortable cockwarming session — the most effective thing you had found to tame his wicked tantrums or his adrenaline-fueled passions. The first time had been hell for him, who seemed to be unable not to pound you once he penetrated you — and yet he had learned to love every little thing of it: The intimacy, the constant but manageable pleasure, the cock-drunk and appeased look on your face…
"Missed you, Art'...'" You breathed and hummed, barely rolling your hips but still slightly moving on his cock to enjoy it massaging your velvety walls, "Aren't you angry anymore?" You asked a bit too sheepishly to be true, laying a gentle kiss on his lips.
“Nah, not anymore 'cause yer a nice angel for your husband,” He grabbed your ass firmly, long fingers adorned with cold rings spreading on your cheeks to have a wider grip “Making him find peace between your legs ay?” The stretch had become comfortable by now, and you were both fully enjoying each other, him completely high by your warmth and wetness. “Making him pray God with your holy pussy.” 
“God…” You sighed, throwing your head back, feeling perfectly full — maybe a bit too much even though pain blurred with exquisite ecstasy. “B-But think about it, Arthur. What about letting Aberama do the job? We would stay locked up in the house and do nothing but fuck until the whole Vendetta is over and we go back home?” You suggested, flush burning your porcelain cheeks and giving them a rosy color. The melody of your words — along with how good he felt deep inside of you —snatched a low moan from him. Yet, as much as he yearned for your offer, his conscience needed blood. 
“Got no choice, love.” His two hands left your body shortly to grab each side of your lace dress and take it out, throwing the garment somewhere in his office to have you exposed and vulnerable while he was still fully dressed. Once naked, he cupped your small breasts and started kneading them with blunt caresses that made you squeal: you were already sensitive due to your hidden pregnancy. “John wants me to do it.”
"Fuck!" You cursed when he moved along with you, your hips dancing together and intensifying the burning arousal that was saturating your senses. Soon, splitting you open and having you moaning on his cock wasn't enough anymore. His arms suddenly wrapped you possessively, pulling your two bodies even closer. So close the cold gold of his cross necklace on your skin sent thrills of pleasure down your spine. "He wouldn't want you to risk your life."
“It was me who shot the old man.” Arthur’s mouth, eager to find yours, crashed against your lips in a kiss so passionate that it took your breath away. One of them rough hands stroked your back in an overwhelming cocktail of caresses and scratches, waltzing on every inch of your skin while the other pinched one of your nipples. A second kiss captured your mouth, his tongue making its way into your parted lips to seek yours, not minding the thin trickle of saliva at the corner of them. “John is dead because of me,” He breathed between two savage kisses, “And I’m gonna make it right.” His voice was merely a low whisper combined with ragged breaths and low, gravelly moans.
"S'that was you want?" You managed to ask, losing your fingers in his hair and your mind in a fog of carnal delight. Forehead pressed against forehead, you reopened your frozen eyes and dived into his, words becoming more and more useless as a tornado of raw emotions and sincerity swirled in the blue of his iris: His need to avenge John was visceral and you understood that his mind wouldn't be able to find rest if he couldn't kill Luca Changretta, hence putting an end to the vicious cycle of vengeance. And you definitely hadn't the heart to deny him this unhealthy yet efficient way of exorcising both his guilt and his baby brother's death. “So be it.” You finally granted, endless love shining in your eyes. After all, if there was something you could understand it was vengeance. Torturing and butchering five men didn’t bring your family back, but the pleasure of watching life slipping away from them had nonetheless helped you put up with that excruciating wound, "But when you’ll kill that bastard put two bullets through his head. One for you, and one for me.” You concluded, shifting your body slightly to take the gun that was on his desk before wrapping his neck with your two arms again. And then the mask of the lamb fell, shattering on the ground and revealing the wolf you were. A wolf that was smiling and moaning, its thumb softly caressing the weapon’s metal.
"I'll do that, little one." A smile beamed on his face as you allowed him to carry on his personal vendetta — or as he felt the sensation of the gun resting against his back, his joy finding a delicious echo in his body. The circular movements of his hips turned into deep and full-length thrusts that had you throwing your head back and chanting his name.
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“Mr. Shelby! “
“I’m fookin’ busy!” Arthur’s booming voice roared in the office as he slammed the door right at the man’s face. The access to the room might have been forbidden to him, but the cacophony of savage fucking and the noise of the office’s blinds being shaken left no doubt on what was happening. He finally gave up, well aware that nothing would make his boss come. It was only when he told him that two intruders had been spotted in the factory that Arthur stormed out of the room, disheveled, shirt quickly buttoned u,p and with a hammer in one hand. A bloodbath was coming and since nothing could be done to prevent it, Ben went back to work and tried to ignore the upcoming mess. With a bit of luck, they would manage to put down the rabid beast Arthur Shelby was. Soon after his departure, the white-haired girl left, snuggled up in her white fur coat and walking as elegantly as always, even if she was slightly staggering on her heels after what the gangster did to her.
“Poor girl.” Barney — another worker recently hired — stated, glancing at you as you passed by. “She’s nice. Y’know she brings us treats and pastries sometimes… What a shame that young lady had been forced to elope with this bastard.”
“Poor girl?” Ben replied to his colleague, almost choking. “Forced wedding? You’re really new here, mate. Can’t believe the doll blinded you. Something’s off with her. And forced wedding… All you have to do is pay attention to the way they look at each other and then you’ll understand. And it will frighten you.”
“Ya really talking about sweet lamb Heaven?”
Ben scoffed, “A lamb… When your eyes meet Heaven Shelby’s nobody can’t tell if she wanna braid your hair or eat your heart. Lamb she’s not. Don’t get fooled by the dresses and heels, she’s not playing doll. She only makes violence look better.”
Barney became silent at his friend’s sordid statement, the far away sound of Arthur yelling, bones breaking and agonizing screams resounded in the depths of the factory along with the machines’ roars. Amidst the smells of hot metal, sweat, and paint, lingered the spring-like fragrances of your perfume, which confused him even more.
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✞ Any comment, review, reblog, or constructive criticism is welcome. Your reactions really motivate me and keep me alive, so please don't be shy. English is not my first language.
✞Taglist: @adaydreamaway08 @theshelbyclan @jomarch-wannabe @esposadomd @zablife @woofgocows @anathemasworld @anastasia000 @kate654 @kxnnxy @babayaga67 @meowtastick@kxnnxy @shelbyssins @sarai-ibn-la-ahad @bluevenus19 @raincoffeeandfandoms @kishie8 @alexandra-001 @dearshelby @alexizodd @helen06dreamer @kmc1989 @emotionalcadaver @peakyswritings @peakyltd
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verstappentime · 4 months ago
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same anon as before!!! mostly just wondering - how did u know u wanted the anniversary/miami to be the backdrop, what was your favorite scene to write, what was the hardest!!! i’m curious about your most cherished parts of it bc genuinely i think the first scene was when i knew i would be changed. went back to read it today… it was so beautiful. the way u had max not so subtly touching charles to ground him was just ugh. i also thought it was so fitting for who max is. and balanced charles’ anxiety so well against. how new the relationship is, how much charles loves him and can’t tell him, the weight of their history. and for him to be navigating all of that during a race weekend too!! i think it was just beautiful. and i think ending it in the pool, just them, reflecting on those babies in karting. so perfect. oddly i haven’t read ENOUGH fic of them doing that for how much they bring it up when asked about it irl. i could just go on and on. i think for this being your first fic in f1, you have captured the essence of both of them and gently, beautifully teased out a dynamic for the ages. i’m glad you’re here and i hope you write more <3 sorry i yapped
oh my goodnesssss THANK YOUUUU for these questions literally nothing makes me happier than yapping abt my fics. DO NOT APOLOGIZE
why did i choose miami !! so i've actually been writing little ficlets about virtually every race this year. none except this one are finished and some probably won't ever be revisited, but i think we've got miami, sazuka, spain, hungary & austria. basically if i see a plot then i start to noodle on it. <3 i started with charles being sad after practice, i wasn't 100% certain i wanted to work the anniversary in there actually, but then i had the idea for max to say you can't be mean to be on our anniversary and it spiraled.
what was my favorite scene to write? hmmm this is a good question. i really love the pool scene at the end. i stole the bit where charles is seeing max all throughout his life from an earlier part where it didn't fit, and i waited until i was well and truly done with the rest to build that scene around it. i got the dialogue for charles's confession on the first try and i just really like the "i wish you were my best friend then" line. <3 re: my most cherished parts, that's certainly one of them. i also really like some little stupid things. max biting the lime charles just spit out is so dear to me. max saying "you are so stupid" when charles apologizes. charles saying "when i find out how to get you to leave me alone i'll let you know" was one of the first lines i wrote and i love that too. just the stuff where they're the most them.
the hardest scene to write.. tbh this fic was hard to write period, except like i said i think the last scene came easily. it was my first lestappen fic that i wrote through to the end and i really wanted to nail them. almost every scene had like one hundred iterations. it actually began with charles wanting to tell max he wanted to marry him. but then it felt like way too much rumination and i got to thinking -- maybe they haven't quite been together that long, and charles is struggling with something a lot more simple. so that led to a lot of rewrites once i changed my mind!
i think the one that i got stuck on the most was charles waking up in the middle of the night. i couldn't figure out how to make that transition where he asks max about his dad, and i still don't think it's ironed out perfectly. i also rewrote the club scene a ton of times even though it's short.
thank you SOOOO much for all the kind words :( max was a really nice contrast to charles here, he's so steady and just going about his race weekend while side eyeing his weird boyfriend. they're so opposite -- them knowing each other their whole lives is so simple and, like, just a given to max, while charles reads so much into it. i'm so glad his vibe came off the page well, he rocked to write <3
thank you SO much for the kindness! i know you said in your follow-up ask you noticed this actually isn't by first fic in f1, but it kind of is bc everything else i've written is so short.. and this was the first time i really gave them a full, beginning-middle-end story. and yes my first published lestappen!! <3 i love these two, i am actually posting a deleted scene from this fic soon from after max told charles he loved him for the first time.
sorry for the NOVEL of an answer, i am so glad you loved it though :')
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1d1195 · 7 months ago
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omg i had a phase where the ONLY show i would watch was gilmore girls. that was fun it has a special place in my heart
LMFOAOAOSKS SAM HAHAHAHA you’re so right tho neither of them felt like good fits for her. my mom was just telling me today how every time she sees him online she thinks his smile looks so forced😭😭
OH AND DING 3 ???:?:???? I WAS SHDBSJSNNSDJD 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭 THE WHOLE TIME I KID YOU NOT. HES SOOOOOO UGHHH. THE WAY HE NEEDED TO KNOW ??? AND WHEN HE GOT SO ANGRY HE WANTED TO GO STRAIGHT TO THE GYM ???? AND JUST THE WAY THEYRE SOOOO INTO EACH OTHER IM OBSESSED (when he asked to kiss her cheek i think i passed away🪦)
im really happy to hear the vacation went well !! i think you deserve a good relaxing something every now and then. treat yourself to a spa weekend or a massage soon girl (or whatever you consider relaxing cause i’ve actually never tried either of those lmfao)💖
i’ve actually been up to a lot recently! or more than usual lol. it’s pretty dull in my life buttttt i have two childhood best friends who each have a wedding coming up soon. one of which i know for sure will be in may and the other isn’t decided yet but it’ll be soon as well bc it’ll be a lowkey thing. it’s crazy for me to think that we’re at the age where we can start getting married n stuff😭 ive known these girls my whole life its just insane
todays my birthday !! (it’s 2am rn tho so i won’t process that fact until i wake up) i’m not going to do much, maybe go to target and get some skincare bc i went to see a dermatologist yesterday lol who’s the person who said they lived in the uk and wished they had a target?? i saw a tiktok video of a group of australians going to target for the first time and it was SOOO FUNNY😭😭 target is the best i could seriously spend hours there
wishing you alllll the best✨✨✨✨
~🎶
I watch it every fall/winter 😭 I just finished my rewatch actually 🤣
I’ve never been to the spa or had a massage. I do really want a massage but I’m poor and can’t justify the cost. Honestly I enjoy lounging on the couch hahahaha
That’s so nice you get to see some old friends! That’s so lovely! I have been trying to be better about seeing my old friends (and doing terrible at it). My middle school bff has a 1.5 year old kid. That shit is wild. But it’s always like no time has passed when I see them! Hope you have fun spending time with them! What do you have planned?
I’m so weddinged-out. I’ve always been a funeral girl (my family is generally older so 🤷🏻‍♀️) I hadn’t been to a wedding until I was 17 and then the next one when I was 22. Now I’ve been to 6 weddings in two years. I’m tapped out physically, emotionally, and mostly financially. I think there will be at least 2 more in the next two years too 🙃 Also I’ve been to about…idk 6000 baby showers. I cannot afford to have friends 🤣
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! 🎉 💕🥳 I hope you had the most amazing day you deserve it all and more!!! 💕
My 🛼-anon is our friend from England who hasn’t been to target! I’m glad you feel the same way about target. I grew up without a target nearby so I’m not sure if I’m just romanticizing how lovely it is 🤣
Hope you have a fabulous birthday week can’t wait to hear about your skincare routine and all the fun things you do with your friends!!!
Xoxo
P.s. I’m glad you liked Ding 💕I love a “who did this to you” kinda vibe 😉
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hideyseek · 11 months ago
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6. 10, 11? For ur ao3 wrapped? Mehabs?
(im on mobile if something is weird. No it isnt)
bro ,,,,, im so sorry to report something was weird, i only saw this guy come in today he was not in my inbox before. apology for delay. but hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii yes thank you for the ask!!!!! of course i will answer i love to fucking TALK hehe :3
ao3 wrapped asks
6. Favorite title you used?
mmmm hehe. i'm gonna answer this based purely on title vibes as opposed to like "how well the title fits the fic" bc i wrote a bunch of shorter (to me) fics without a lot of internal thematic happenings that a title could reflect and so i don't really think of anything i published that a title is doing very much work.
i think my favorite title of anything published this year is i wish you the wind just because ah ... what a phrase! no idea what this means but it sounds so damn romantic to me! really has a flavor of like ... bittersweet farewell!
10. What work was the quickest to write?
mmm, haha. well, two answers to this i suppose. on one hand, there was keep me here which unfortunately i wrote in about one day from nothing (and therefore had approximately 12 minutes to revise) because i was determined to post SOMETHING for that day of kaze week 2023. but the first fic that came to mind (and perhaps the most accurate answer, time-wise) was my drabble from week 2 of inception wicked which came together in about three hours total drafting, but there was a span of several days (and truthfully several days that felt like several weeks lol) between me initially having the idea and sitting down to draft. but like, to be fair, it is about 400 words so revising goes exponentially quicker. truly this shocked even me, though i guess really what this means is i already was primed with a bunch of subconscious thoughts about the dynamic in this fic lol. (you can read it here on the gdoc with the other fics from that week! bc i haven't gotten around to posting on ao3 yet lol. content warnings for: semi-explicit sexual content, fantasizing about a married couple, voyeurism)
11. What work took you the longest to write?
hmm ... i don't know if there's a winner for anything i published, tbh. most of the rest of the kaze week fics from january kind of came together in a span of 3-5 days depending on the fic, and most of the other drabbles for both events came together in about the alotted week. so instead i'm going to gleefully misinterpret this question so i can talk about my beloved unpublished nemesis project, narrative!fic :3
i hate that guy! (<- said extremely lovingly) i probably earnestly worked on this fic for ... 4 or 5 months of this year? had a nice breakthrough for some story logic in august / september ish, outlined from that through october, and wrote pretty diligently for most of november. (i did tell my roommate fully two years ago, "hey you need to watch kazetsuyo so i can make you betaread this fic i'm writing at the end of the year, i'll watch star trek with you in exchange". that was literally 2021 lmao. they have not yet seen a draft bc there has not been a draft worth having anybody else look at yet.)
i think the thing that has made the process of drafting narrative!fic so long is really just that, for the last two-ish years, narrative!fic wasn't actually a story to me, so much as it was a project into which i dumped all my post-college facing-the-future feelings and loosely tied up with a string called "i'm sure i can make haiji go through this as well". but then, due to various life events in april of this year, suddenly i came back to the draft and it was like: oh. ohhh, okay. i can see how this can be a story, actually. this is about haiji, as a character, as opposed to haiji, as a semi-direct proxy for myself. and then over the next few months i cut out a ton of stuff and reworked his main arc and now it's like ... a story, instead of just a bunch of feelings and events. which, truly, is only my personal marker for what i was looking for from the project. like, i personally want a separation of my own experiences from what is in my fic, i want to be thinking about developments in the fic as narrative choices the story requires rather than as alternatives to how my own life could have gone. (which ultimately may well be the same thing but its the headspace im in, for me).
and i think the other part is just -- i didn't know how to write! i mean, obviously i know how to string words into a sentence lol. but a LOT of i guess the first two years of drafting and then setting all the drafted stuff aside to start again from scratch like four times over, was me learning to like, figure out my own longfic writing process. (big sobbing emoji, lmao. i remember in my youth reading about maggie stiefvater having 200k of unused draft material for one of the trc books and i was like, how??? and now i am like: yeah. unfortunately i get it. not that my tossed-out drafter material is of that specific magnitude. but there is a lot of it, goddamn.) and now that i've got at least an initial / foundational sense of it, the hardest part is only actually sitting down and writing. (i say as if this is not also, extremely challenging for me lol). so uh, i guess i'll say here "maybe this time next year i'll really have a full draft of narrative!fic", and. we'll see how that goes :3
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