#i can’t carry it anymore
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#ya Allah please help me#you don’t burden a soul more than it can bear#i can’t carry it anymore#there’s no one to help me except you#i have no one to look forward to#i have no one to rely on#I’m not complaining#you gave me this life and its all in your hands#its in your hands to make me suffer or make me prosper#make me happy or sad#make me laugh or cry#make me live or take my life#i submit to your will
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ican’t help myself.
#invincible#art#sketch#invincible fanart#procreate#invincible au#digital art#debbie grayson#cecil stedman#my art#i can’t help myself anymore#this ship is consuming me and my life#dedmanshipping#dedman#cecil x debbie#debbie x cecil#i guess i’m the only one who has to draw lore between them#my back hurts from carrying this ship#half joking#sorry if i’m annoying everyone with this
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something something something about baz feeling so othered in his life due to both his vampirism and sexuality and how he struggled to connect to people not only because he’s afraid for his life or judgment but also because he doesnt know how to relate to life itself since it’s something so divorced from his reality he can only long and wish and how everything about him is just wishing and hoping and grieving since he was a kid up until he finally connected with simon
#would also like to say something about how he doesn’t know how to be truly honest about his feelings since he always think of them as a#very passing thing#saddening#carry on#baz pitch#txt#simon snow#snowbaz#wayward son#awtwb#😞#listen he is my baby i talk about him quite often in my head#i was rereading the first book while listening to evermore by tay and#when i hit this part tay sang if I can’t relate to you anymore then who am i related to#which is fitting
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You know when you read a piece of fiction - book, short story, fanfic, what have you - and there’s just one tiny detail that just takes you completely out of the story?
I just read a passage in a piece of original fiction where the main character hugs a friend and tells us she smells like the ‘delicate rose and jasmine of her familiar Chanel No 5’ and my brain just screeched to a halt. Tell me you googled ‘famous fancy perfume’ and picked the first two scent notes you saw without telling me. Many things can be said about that particular fragrance I don’t think anybody with a working nose would describe it as ‘delicate florals’.
#cecil blogs her life#btw it wasn’t in English and I’m not gonna call them out anymore than necessary six#also!! I know I dnf but I glanced through the rest of it and this character seems to be a bog standard ‘supportive friend’ character#who’s also described as being a kind of carefree gentle spirit. who wears cn5???#im sure that there are young women who still wear cn5 but it’s really not common and w that personality?? she should be the main character#certain fragrances carry specific cultural and social codes and connotations#cn5 is a classic ‘rich old woman’ scent. a lot of people associate it with older female relatives wearing it at special occasions#you can’t just name drop it on a cottagecore girlie and run that’s not how fiction works#added: plus scents are such strong and often under-utilised descriptors! everybody knows that feeling where you smell smth and suddenly#you’re transported somewhere else in your memory#telling us that her perfume smelled like delicate roses etc is nice - actually namedropping such a famous fragrance (that is also#incongruent with the description you just gave) is bonkers to me
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the annoying thing about having a sewing machine but it’s buried in the basement is i have a sewing machine but it’s buried in the basement. you can’t use something that’s buried in the basement
#thinking about how if asos doesn’t carry my favorite brand of jeans anymore & i can’t buy them directly from the brand (don’t ship to us)#then i need to really repair the ones i already have. if only i had a sewing machine#also if only i had the studio space at work that my boss promised me a year and a half ago. lol. you know what i would put in there?#sewing machine.#anyway i guess i could ask my roommate if i could use her machine#or god forbid PAY to go to studio time at the fabric store.#chatpost
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Evan kelmp man that you are ……………..
#the psychosis metaphor. the guard dog nature. it’s not a wound it’s just healed badly. i realize this thing is just here to hurt people and#I think man I know that song and I keep kicking. telling stories that are normal to you to get a worried looks and ppl asking if you’re okay#literally brennans explanation of how evan felt fighting that salamander was so.#this character was created in a lab to make me specifically crazy. and boy oh boy is it working !#I can’t get over aabria referring to his arm as ‘not a wound just healed badly’ and that the only way to fix it is to break it again and k#being so convinced they can help it’s so. I can’t put into words buts it’s so. that’s their whole everything.#evan isn’t broken he’s just healed wrong and people around him can’t or won’t accept that. and it’s coming from a good place (sometimes)#but it has the same effect in the long run which is the reinforcement that he is wrong and bad and needs to change but he CANT bc he HAS#healed. he isn’t carrying around an open wound he has worked on that but that shit never goes away. it’s there forever and it looks wrong an#scary to people and it probably always will but it works#he said it’s different metrics of success I kept the arm and then k tries to fix and he loses the arm. do you understand me.#do you you see. can anyone fucking hear me.#it’s about being so scary to the people you love that your success is still cause for concern and they don’t understand that you’re doing#better !! you are doing good !! I’m not sad anymore he said and it’s. oh god.#anyway mismag makes me feel ill if I think about it too long so I have to stop now#prsnl#mismag#🐦⬛
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If Kipperlilly DOES end up betraying Porter/Jace as part of a secret other scheme she has (whether good or evil) and it has to do with saving Lucy, I just know she’s going to be a bitch about it and pull a ‘sorry, I only save High Five Heroes’ before leaving her other friends to die or some shit. And then she will take her final form: Magic Betty from Adventure Time, betraying her allies and saving her frost gf at the expense of the world. It would also parallel what Ankarna is going through (‘your girlfriend’s out of town, it sucks’, becoming a little imperialist rage machine under the influence of Porter/Sunstone but not being able to fully turn on Lucy despite going against her values and turning into a violent weirdo). This is my wish. My dream. I am manifesting it. Magic Betty Kipperlilly I believe in you.
#I am currently painting clown makeup on my face rn but this is what I’ve been rooting for from the beginning so let me dream#Come on though she HAS to have some other shit going on though right?#She was DEFINITLY in that temple when the Bad Kids said Ankarna’s name#Brennan literally rolled#and we know she was in Porter’s office#so WHY hadn’t she told him Ankarna’s real name yet? We know he genuinely believed Fig found it#Also the BKs couldn’t see who was in the window during the Wanda Childa scene#Which one of the RGs has invisibility?#HMMMM#Wanda saying ‘Kipperlilly? Why are you doing this? Is it because you’re jealous?’ before getting carried off by a fake Porter would let KP#know ‘okay they FULLY saw what happened after I killed Buddy and are onto us’ which would cause her to follow them to the temple#Also…if NONE of the Rat Grinders knew Ankarna’s name then what did Lucy write on her form to change her divinity???#We KNOW it was Ankarna’s name and not the ‘symbol representing her’ because no one could see it BECAUSE the god was dead and no one alive#knew her name#Which means Lucy HAD TO HAVE KNOWN and was keeping it from the others right?#And when she died and didn’t come back they were fucked because they couldn’t even check the form anymore#But#Brennan also said that if Porter WASNT using Devil’s Honey and genuinely believed in Rage And Conquest goddess Ankarna instead of just her#domain then he and his ritual would (maybe) bring her back instead of killing her permenantly so he can take her domain#And idk#A powerful goddess of rage and conquest who despite everything can’t be turned against her sister and ex#who’s resurrection would mean the rune could be broken and Lucy can come back to life#One who has (or had) a personal vendetta against at least one of the bad kids#and a personal vendetta against the people who led to Lucy’s death#that sounds pretty appealing to someone as spiteful and obsessive as Kipperlilly doesn’t it#especially after her best (maybe only real) friend died and didn’t come back#especially if she stayed dead specifically to stop Porter#Again I’m putting my clown makeup on but I don’t want her to be secretly good or anything just unhinged and gay and a parallel to Ankarna#Please world let me have this I’m on my knees#dimension 20
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chat i am NOT appreciating the stares i got from walking across campus to cvs in my hoodie and sweatpants as if we didn’t just sit through ANOTHER hurricane like chill man i didn’t sleep well let me get my monster to finish my logic homework in peace 😭
#spent all night having not quite nightmares not quite stress dreams#periodically woken up by storm noises (sleeping with your back to a window during a hurricane when you get shellshock from loud storm noises#- is NOT a fun experience i would not recommend)#and THEN getting woken up at 5 am by an emergency alert warning about flash floods until like 11:45 when i have a 10 am class that morning 🙃#luckily my professor cancelled class for that (and my other class was cancelled for it to)#but tbh i was NOT gonna walk 7 minutes to the second farthest building on campus through that either way#i was just gonna send him a pdf of my homework and say ‘i’m not walking through a flash flood for this class sorry 😭’#also my school didn’t do shit for this?? they’ve been sending us emails all week about dangerous weather#but made SURE to add in all caps in every one that classes and stuff will go on as normal#cofc doesn’t stop until we’re dead i guess what the fuck 😭#scratch that i mean everything’s as normal except half of our dining halls are closed. so i have to walk 7 minutes out for food anyway 🙃#BECAUSE MY SNACK STASH IS DEPLETED BECAUSE ITS BEEN JANKY ALL WEEK 🙃🙃🙃#what was this post about again??#WAIT AND THEN THE NORMAL ‘AROUND CAMPUS’ ROUTE I TAKE TO MY HOUSE WAS CLOSED#SO I HAD TO GO THROUGH THE MAIN PART OF CAMPUS#IN MY HOODIE & SWEATS & CARRYING MY MONSTER & POP TARTS#WHILE THERE WERE LIKE THREE TOUR GROUPS STANDING THERE I WANNA DIEEEEEE#wait i can’t say that anymore. uhhh hold on let me find the list. ummm. ‘i’m gonna start a scam company’ there we go.#grace being stupid#text post#personal
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i’m so excited for part two, i’m skipping all the way to end to see masali like idc about anything else! and i have no doubt in my mind that she’s sophie, you can tell her and luke are a perfect chemistry match without even seeing them together like i need this fandom to be fr…. also i expect her role announcement and a season 4 benedict season announcement by 9AM EST from netflix!
Quite frankly it’s because of how disgustingly anti-Black these “leakers” have been that is keeping me from believing them. The ring leaders behind this have either outright said they don’t want Sophie to be Black or have weaponized homophobia and in some cases racism(which is ironic given these people are racist pieces of shit) to silence Black women when we call them out for them ignoring the obvious signs that they have cast a Black woman in the role of Sophie Beckett(and that woman is likely Masali) and how problematic it would be to cast a dark skinned Black woman in a masculine role.
And yes, I do have screenshots in case anybody thinks I’m fucking exaggerating:
Lets start with anyyyyb. She’s deleted her account, but this is the one with the Irish journalist “source”(lie because no journalist had access to those episodes on May 16th when she posted her “spoilers”). Despite that though she claimed that Michaela was John’s sister(lie cause John is a confirmed only child) and that she didn’t know who Masali is. Which was another lie because she wrote this under my mutals post almost a month before part 1 even aired:
I’m pretty sure that she was Cass the morons “source” because anyyyyb was the first of the new “leakers” who mentioned the sister thing and Cass self-admitted to not knowing if her source is credible or not:
This same woman dared to get pissy when she was called out for blatantly lying(sister thing) and spreading shit that hasn’t and will never be confirmed which caused Masali to be unnecessarily attacked:
Cass has independently been trying to push the Michaela “theory”(which is a name made up by the fandom) for a while now because her dumb ass thinks all Black people look alike:
Mind you the woman in the carriage is a crew member(Shanika Ocean) who doesn’t even have the same skin tone as Masali(she’s lighter), Masali also has never been seen on set, but Cass the moron thinks they are the same woman because they are both Black.
And if that’s not enough for you she also wrote this when people were calling her ignorant behind out to try and save face:
The other Tumblr account that claims to have a Netflix employee camped in their inbox willing to feed them info and risk losing their job in today’s economy to do so, is a racist and a colorist who has been against Sophie Beckett being Black since September at the least. She tried to play it cool, but the day part 1 came out she started spazzing the fuck out when people didn’t automatically believe her lies I mean leaks, and said this:
She like anyyyyb has been pushing for an Asian woman to play Sophie which is okay, but when you start saying there are “too many Black people” on a show produced by a Black woman, that she needs to stop casting Black people, and that is why Sophie “can’t be Black” you have lost your fucking mind.
Bitch doesn't think its okay for a Black woman to play Cinderella who gets her prince in the end, but she's a okay with a Black woman playing a role meant for a man where shell have to chase after a while woman and will not be afforded the fairytale happy ending every other woman. Sure Jan, you definitely care about Black women 👍🏽
Again, if that wasn't enough, she’s a fucking colorist because in her racist mind, Indians aren't Asian 🤷🏽♀️
Her ass has also tried to use a variation of all Black people look alike just like Cass the fucking Moron to connect Masali to Victor Ali ever since she learned who Masali was back in December/January.
(If she hasn’t deleted it yet like the goofy ass remedial bitch she is it should still be up on her little hate blog).
I could say way more about this one and leak her twitter and her other tumblr(which I know she’ll try to crawl back to once she’s fucking called out for what she is), and there are also the twitter people who I’m sure are feeding “intel” to Cass and both tumblr accounts meanwhile their alleged “source” hasn’t seen all the episodes, but I’ll it there for now.
All I’ll say is that these “rumors” are being fueled by butthurt anti-Black racists who have never wanted Masali to be Sophie and the fandom is so gung-ho about believing these cave dwellers because they too are racist pieces of shit.
Why they are watching a Shonda Rhimes production and begging her to stop casting Black people, her own people, in lead roles I will never know….
Because I’m not a fucking butterface racist ass bitch who has nothing better to do with my life than to try and tear another race down and dictate what they do just to feel better about my pathetic existence.
The fact of the matter is no one has posted shit other than anonymous messages or claiming they know someone or they know someone who knows someone. The fact that these people can’t post a still or audio recording yet they all supposedly have evidence and have seen shit…
#bnask#bnasks#bridgerton fandom misogynoir#if this is incoherent it’s because I started writing this at 2 AM and don’t really give a damn anymore#I’m excited for this all to be over cause I’m exhausted#I got carried away and yes I can’t wait until masali is announced as Sophie Beckett
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the adventures of Lake and his sister, Grandma
#grandma was adopted by a close friend of my husband and I#so they won’t be living together but we’ll see her for puppy play dates :3#lake is getting big. he’s heavy enough at this point I can’t just one hand carry him around anymore.#puppyposting
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Real Friends Don’t Exist. Not In My Reality, anyway.
#mental health#mental health awareness#all alone#no one wants me#fake friends#no one likes me#blog#fake people#depression#mentally unstable#alone#zero friends#I have no one#real friends don’t exist#this is my fate#can’t carry this anymore#sad and pathetic#sick of being here#sick of myself#I’ve got no one#even a therapist doesn’t want to help me#life isn’t for everyone#I have no support#unwanted#unliked#hated#mentally ill#trying to survive this world#my reality is nothing#god must hate me
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#hyunjin#skz#insta#when i peacefully walk down the stairs and trip on the hattifattener laying on them#broke my ankle and suddenly can’t get up anymore looks like he needs to carry me now
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Ok u guys have me defending dc writers bc yeah it’s like. Overall not great with rep but imagine getting to write the newest member of the bat family - someone who doesn’t look like the others so you know know he’ll struggle but that’s ok bc kids like you deserve to know they can be heroes too. It’s ok that you’re not approved for so many titles, you have people who finally see themselves maybe making their own characters or expanding on yours and that’s enough for now. Maybe someone who was inspired by your story will write the next big hero, one that’s just like them, and maybe if we’re lucky it won’t even matter because there’ll be so many of us that have so many different personalities and aspirations and flaws and hopes and dreams that another hero will just be another hero, that it won’t be significant or important bc the market is not just saturated but even over saturated! And then fandommom69 says dc stands for disregard canon and makes ur character the normal one who’s perceived as innocent by the rest of the cast and subsequently cast aside.
#this started about Orpheus then morphed into Duke then I thought about Luke then it was back to Duke again#anyways the fact that this keeps happening is#imagine writing Jace ‘my name is not Timothy I’m not that person anymore’ fox and fandom says the first signs of queer coding in Batman was#tim drake#I’m so sick#oh and the entire time I was thinking of Lucius fox carrying Bruce on his back for a good chunk of time getting replaced by tim in the eyes#of fanon#the only tim is tired of everything and leaves the family fic I’ve ever enjoyed was one where he was adopted by Lucius#and I had to pretend he was black bc. thinking about the optics and implications of it all was sickening#are we ready to talk about the mammification of tam and how it’s insane considering tim infantilized her or#quite literally infantilizes btw she was a baby#I think it was the whole unternet shit#but u can’t remember if that actually had tam there or if I’m doing that thing where I group eras together#like any 90s and before teen titans comic is NTT#but anyways best tim suit sorry I’m basic#back to the point#wait I dislike the mask a little but#anyways whatever back to the point I’m siccckk
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#meg talks#feeling really down and frustrated#ever since i caught covid over the new year ive just been doing so badly#it’s now halfway through may and not only am i having all sorts of weird new pain problems#to the point where i dragged myself to the er yesterday bc my usual meds didn’t do shit for me and i spent seven hours writhing in pain#but also mentally im just. constantly tapped out#before covid i was able to keep up w news and work on research projects and write multiple image descriptions every day and read books#and keep up w friends all while working full time#like even if i was in bed p much whenever i wasn’t at work i could still read and write and carry conversations#now it’s like i can only handle all of these things in small doses before my brain just shuts off#im still keeping up w news and describing what i can and working on my research projects and trying to make connections#but i feel so slow abt everything i do#it’s driving me up the wall#ive been trying for days to get through this one academic paper that’s rlly not even that long#and i just can’t do it. not for long anyway i have to read in small bursts#and then having to take muscle relaxants for these fucking spasms that make me really drowsy and sleep the whole day away…#idk. it might not even be abt covid i might be reading too much into it but it’s just pissing me off. thinking abt how nobody masks anymore#and how every time there’s a covid outbreak i won’t be able to properly protect myself or my brothers from it#bc of this fuckass job#idk im just tired and upset
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quite trippy having conversations with my mom, or in this case a mild argument, where she runs herself in circles sounding like one of those maga people being interviewed that think trump is secretly jesus. like, she personally doesn’t believe that, but she’s pretty damn close. she once told me not to call her stupid (I hadn’t even implied it) because she was “more than capable of looking into things for herself”, because I said she only gets her news from newsmax and coincidentally believes everything they say. she got real mad about it. just this morning she proved me right again, repeating everything newsmax hosts have said like it’s fact, calling me “brain washed” because I told her she needs to look up shit instead of just believing it. imagine being so far gone you think being told to investigate claims made to you is proof of brain washing.
#g talks#she truly does remind me of one of those crazy maga people being interviewed#she’s a damn fool and my dad is just watching it happen#yeah he’s maga too but WAY less than her#she’s watching that shit 24/7 now#carrying it with her from room to room on her phone#I can’t take this anymore#mine#/mobile#/okay to reblog
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So are any of you bumfucks on this godforsaken app gonna talk about how Brazil (Declan McKenna) was written By and For Ronan Lynch or am I gonna have to do it myself let’s do this bitches
Fair warning I’m sorta really bad at analysis according to every English teacher I’ve ever had so this is a lot of me freaking out but I think it turned out ok (this took half a year)
Starting off strong with Cars and Animals (Ronan’s favourite) !! Anyway the vibe I’m getting from this is like. The barns and then the He’s got eyes talks like an angel looks like me part is about the like. Greywaren vs Ronan Lynch dream vs human stuff we see in Greywaren (not super spoilery but it kinda doesn’t make sense unless u read the book lmao)
I could write a whole second post as long as this one just about this line but let me unpack this because ohhh my god. First up the use of religion is so perfect for mister Lynch over here and then. IM THE FACE OF GOD IM MY FATHERS SON IS INSANE FOR HIM IM GOING SO FERAL OVER THIS HE LITERALLY IS GOD AND HES HIS FATHERS SON (“and Ronan was everything that was left: molten eyes and a smile made for war” and also The Scene in TRK where Adam goes into Ronan’s room and thinks Niall is sitting on the bed) THIS IS CANON
He’s Not what u think u see he looks so mean but he just wants his little farm and for his husband to get into heaven when he dies (he’s worried about his agnostic tendencies) jk but this is 100% ab stereotypes and how Ronan doesn’t rly fit into what anyone thinks he is (the whole thing about Adam wanting to be unknowable and realizing Ronan Is Unknowable [poetry chefs kiss])
Can’t eat leather is so self explanatory. The bracelets are RIGHT THERE you can’t fool me Mr mckenna
I’m done. I’m done. I don’t even need to keep explaining this it’s RIGHT THERE AGH
And onto the ecoterrorism
I’m kidding (not really) bc this part always makes me think of literally the Entire Plot of TDT when Ronan is going around destroying capitalism to save dreamers. This IS the servers scene and the underwater pipeline and the Mirrors lady and also the way all of TDT is about self discovery and learning who you are and how to deal with that in a society made to destroy you and how isolating and sad that is (it gets him down 😞) and I can KEEP GOING
And just the way the song is so melancholy and also happy at once hits me so hard cause it feels like what the Barns does when you read the book like it SOUNDS like something Aurora would sing to kid Ronan it’s so homey and sweet but also sad and perfect
And obviously I don’t go through the whole song here but I feel that I’ve made my case sufficiently enough thanks for reading this far I love u mwah
#this has been in my drafts for over 6 months#it’s finally here#I don’t even really listen to this song anymore but it hit just the same when I was listening to it to finish this post#also just fyi you can’t disagree with me. I am right and I will die knowing that#I’m going to reread the series now I miss my Boy#also insert joke about Declan Mckenna and Declan Lynch ok I’m done#this is a little late for his birthday but it’s close enough#HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE ONE AND ONLY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH#Carried my life from ages 12-15 and will do so forever#this is so niche I genuinely have lost it#I miss them#ronan lynch#ronan trc#adam parrish#adam and ronan#richard gansey#gansey#richard campbell gansey iii#blue sargent#declan lynch#matthew lynch#the lynch brothers#the raven cycle#the dreamer trilogy#the raven boys#the dream thieves#blue lily lily blue#the raven king#declan mckenna#Brazil Declan mckenna
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