#i can’t believe they are actually getting their romance written as we speak

[wikitpowers]

oh my gosh i am actually away to cry

“both of them know these are romantic feelings” :’(

[jadesea33]

I read @9lives2mics post this morning and felt like it pretty much summed up my thoughts and feelings about all of this so I wasn’t going to share what I wrote yesterday. But Shalaka encouraged me to add my voice to the chorus and she’s right: if we want something to change, we need to speak up about it, so here we go.

I’m going to start with something positive: I’m happy that Carol will be confronting some of her past trauma and it’s clear that Melissa is too, based on everything she’s said during promo for the show. This has been the main focus of her comments. I believe she wants to give Carol personal closure and I respect her for that. But I’m at the point where it seems likely to me that she agreed to do the spin-off for Carol. Not Caryl. Not because she doesn’t care about Caryl but because it seems that what happens with Caryl may be beyond her control.

People say we should trust her. And I do. But people also seem to forget that she’s only one woman in a room full of men. She doesn’t get to decide everything (unfortunately, because I’d be 100% on board with THAT show). I imagine it’s more likely she gets to say what she wants for Carol but she’s not going to be able to decide the arc for Caryl on her own. Norman’s made himself wishy-washy enough about it all over the years that I honestly have no idea how he feels about romantic canon but if the showrunner doesn’t want it, it’s not going to happen. And David Zabel has said he doesn’t want it.

And trust me, I get that the source of all this is a clickbait article written by someone who apparently has proven themselves to be anti-Caryl but my feelings are based entirely on the direct quotes from Zabel. I actually didn’t read any of the article except the quotes. So unless he was grossly misquoted or was using the world’s worst deflection tactics, he does not want romantic canon for Caryl. I see no ambiguity in what he said. No room for interpretation.

And not only that, but he wants to set up a Daryl/Isabelle romance that undermines Daryl’s character and his relationship with Carol. And I just can’t tolerate that. Carol is going to cross an entire damn ocean to search for him and what? Find him experiencing “mutual interest” in a relationship that’s “more than friendship” with a manipulative nun he barely knows? Is Daryl even going to be happy Carol’s there? Is he going to show her the love and appreciation she deserves or is he going to be too busy with his “feelings” for another woman? Are we going to have to watch Carol comfort Daryl through his man pain over a forced relationship that never made sense and that took place while Carol was risking her life, battling her claustrophobia and confronting her personal trauma in order to find her “friend”? None of that is anything I have the slightest desire to watch.

I could possibly still give AMC my money without romantic canon. I could potentially watch Carol working through her trauma with the person closest to her in the world by her side if it highlighted their bond in a deep, meaningful way. But the shipbaiting is going too far for me. It disrespects the relationship that Carol and Daryl have shared for the last 14 years and it disrespects the fanbase that wants to tune in to see their bond continue it’s natural course, to see them nurture it and watch it grow.

If AMC wants someone like me to watch this show, they need to find a new showrunner, one who actually understands and respects Carol, Daryl and Caryl. Because it’s clear to me now that David Zabel doesn’t. I know filming has started on S3 but if we get a S4 and beyond, a new showrunner could still potentially clean up the mess that Zabel seems intent on creating.

Okay, if you actually read this far, thank you. And please, I know it can be hard to speak out. It causes me great anxiety to do so, especially when I know that some of my fellow Carylers will not like what I say. I fear some of the friendships I’ve formed in this fandom may be strained now because of differing opinions and that breaks my heart. But ultimately I care too deeply about these characters to remain silent when I see a great disservice being done to them. If you see that disservice too, please speak up about it. Will it make a difference? I don’t know. But we’ll never know if we don’t try. Sending love to you all. ❤️

[90shaladriel]

A Lord and His Build - Chapter 17 (Completed)

Chapter 17 - Epilogue (Completed Fic!)

Rating: Mature

Words: 8k

Summary: Our hero's journey comes to an end but the paths go ever winding.

CW: References to birth and half-maia Celebrian 🤭

Thank you once again to the title art by @klynnvakarian!

Well this is the final chapter and instead of a snippet I just wanted to leave a comment on my overall thoughts on writing this fic.

Well, I can’t believe I actually did it! This is my first ever fic and it has turned into my longest after almost two years. While there are elements of this story I could imagine continuing, I felt that I wanted a solid conclusion and this was a sort of novel length point to end it. It was important to me that Ereddâz's journey had a satisfying ending for him. If you couldn’t tell, there’s elements of this character that are deeply personal to me and only became more so as the fic went on. I am grateful to have met this character and gone on this journey with him and at times it was very cathartic to some personal things I had going on. I hope I was true to the character though.

I truly had a great time writing this fic. It was a joy for me and I did feel proud of a lot of what I have written. Sometimes I think certain parts could’ve been better or I had other ideas that would’ve been cool but ended up on the cutting room floor so to speak. But overall this was such a memorable experience.

I’ll never forget the support and pseudo beta reading by my friends in the Saurondriel and Haladriel discords. In fact it was encouragement from one of those discords that I decided to actually put myself out there and write my first ever fan fic with zero experience in a community that I barely knew. That person said something like “your voice matters and we can use your contribution to the fandom” (paraphrasing). I can’t describe how encouraging those words were to read to get over the initial anxiety I had about writing this story.

Since most of the communities I was in were mostly focused on the Haladriel romance or even the smut side of things I did feel a bit on the outside having a very subtle Haladriel element while focusing on this Rings of Power AU story about Orc civilians. I think those fears disappeared after I started writing it for myself in a way AND then I continued getting all those lovely comments and kudos from all you readers here and on ao3. THANK YOU, your interest and appreciation definitely motivated me to come this far and finish it. Let me know what you think. Any constructive criticism is also appreciated!

[disaster-fruit]

Believe it or not, I am 27 and have just discovered ATLA and I have some questions. Is my feeling correct that most Zutara shippers are women/nonbinary folks and most Kataang shippers are, well, men. I just can’t help thinking how Kataang is written with such a male gaze in mind, while Zutara covers both perspectives. Anyways, I understand why the show ended with Kataang, I’ve read all the big metas, I understand that Bryke kind of sucks etc. etc. But I’m curious what you think about this perceived gender divide since you’ve definitely been around longer lol

Hello! I gotta say, i don't think i have a better perspective of the fandom to offer, since i haven't actually been part of the fandom since maybe 2012? and back then i was a literal child and i couldn't speak English so 'being in the fandom' was mostly just reblogging gifs and reading the zutara fics in brazilian ao3 of the time. I have watched and re-watched ATLA an unholy amount of times since then, and i have read and watched hours and hours of meta and theories and whatnot, but the fandom itself is not something i'm well acquainted with to give a good perspective on.

I do, however, love to talk and love receiving asks, so i guess you'll get my opinion anyway. And everyone knows i'm not usually concise.

First of all, are most zutara shippers women/non-binary and kat@ang shippers men? I don't know. I haven't been in the fandom and i haven't checked the bios of most posts i did see and interact, so i have no idea. The only kat@ang shipper i personally know is a friend of mine, who is a woman. So i won't speculate on whether or not your feeling is correct, perhaps a fandom veteran would be better equipped at answering it.

What i WILL say is that Kat@ang is, in my opinion, much more appealing from aang's perspective than from katara's. She's older than aang, in an age girls are absolutely not looking at younger boys that way, and doesn't show any interest in him romantically through the whole show, with the only exception that comes to mind being their dance on season 3 (easily their best moment imo), and then their kiss at the very last minute. All we know is that Aang likes Katara, and the other way around is open to interpretation at best.

One sentiment I've seen from kat@ang shippers is that they seem to really like aang and what him to be happy, and since he likes katara, they ship the two. That is all well and fine, we support people having fun with their ships for whatever reason here. That is however not a good enough motivation if you are, you know, the creators of a show who were supposed to have some duty to storytelling, themes, and cohesion. So them making kat@ng happen just so that aang could 'get the girl', despite all the ways that weakens an otherwise phenomenal story, is a bad choice that should be criticized. At the very least, in its execution.

So yeah i don't think its wrong to say there's a 'male viewpoint' to kat@ang as it was made in the show, though i wouldn't necessarily extend that to the kat@ng fans in the fandom since i don't know them, and it feels unfair to make that assumption. For all i know there is probably no shortage of amazing fics out there that explore their dynamic much better than the show did.

But though i can't speak for kat@ang fans, there is another group i've seen more often in my metas and video essays journey and talking to male friends throughout the years, what i'll call 'shipping neutral' men. You know the type, they love avatar, they'll spend hours and hours dissecting all the aspects of the story and the themes and the worldbuilding up UNTIL the topic is romance in the show. Then they'll wave it away dismissively saying the show 'was never about romance' and the crazy shippers are 'getting distracted' from the real story and how they just don't care about that aspect. And some of them will say they're fine with Kat@ng because it's canon (and no other reason), some wont have an opinion on any of the ships, except that they're not important and anyone who HAS an opinion on that is just silly.

And HERE i definitely see not only a gender divide but a sexist tendency to disregard romance as less important to any story, and not as an integral part that deserves care and deserves to be well interwoven with the rest of it. It's basically a stereotype now about how zutara fans have all these metas and analysis about how perfectly the ship fits the shows themes and how that would improve the writing (and yes, i agree with all of them) and that's because we know that romance is just as deserving as action, as worldbuildng and whatnot, and that it can be a powerful writing tool to enhance character and plot and themes, and that the way it is done it ATLA is not that. And i think these 'shipping neutral' men's analysis all fall short and even tend to not notice flaws in the story because they refuse to interact meaningfully with that aspect. Because as we all know, romance is for silly girls.

And being honest, i have much more respect for any kat@ang shipper of any gender that is out here being passionate about what they like, writing their fics and writing their own metas and having fun in a respectful way, than i have for men (and people who aren't men) with that dismissive attitude towards the romance arcs in the show.

That was a tangent! But damn i haven't answered an ask like this in a while and its always very fun. Hope i didn't offend anyone lol If its not clear i'm not a fan of ship wars, we stan having fun here. Buuut i also love debating and engaging with the story and that sometimes can get confrontational. There's definitely a space for 'ship discussion' or 'ship debate' that doesn't cross the line to 'ship war', i think that line is 'fun'. We're having fun, right? Discussing fandom and writing is fun, right?

Anyways hope this makes sense, sorry I didn't actually answer your question even though i talked THIS MUCH.

[kylo-wrecked]

Idk, I don’t think the Anakin/Padmé scenes in AotC, and this one in particular, were ever as torturous as critics/viewers said—does the arena segment go on entirely too long? Yes. It feels like half the movie, and that’s weird.

The dialogue, though. Is the dialogue cheese? Only the finest.

Is the dialogue stilted? Because it’s poorly written/acted/directed? I can’t actually speak to all that but

What if I told you the soft/romantic dialogue in this moment feels off because it’s not soft/romantic?

This is a bad bad day for them both. Padmé makes a miscalculation in believing they’re about to die. Anakin says the bad Jedi lexicon (affectionate) equivalent of, “u wot.”

In retrospect, I cannot (and do not) interpret Anakin and his words here as assuring, understanding, and above all, thrilled. How/why did we ever in the collective recall interpret this as the scene where it all comes together for them?

Everything Anakin says from “Don’t be afraid” to “destroy our lives” (he says that! Don’t forget!) feels wrong because his words are not coming from a place of unconditional love and security. His words come from a place of "please don't leave me" and "I don't want to die... (ever)."

Those dark seeds of attachment and control and need for approval already exist in him; they’re rooted in his speech. “Don’t be afraid” is a demand. If he was in the mask when he said this, it’d hit different.

As an addendum and aside, I don’t hate what Hayden Christensen does in this scene. The non 👁️ stop 👁️ blinking, the head tilt. There’s a look of softness and warmth at first (second gif) and then it ✌️and we have a man going

🔥WHAT🔥

on the inside. He is not happy about this. I don’t think he was ever supposed to be (and Natalie Portman does a hella good job of looking Guilty in gif six).

I think, we, as a society, misinterpreted Anakin’s reaction due to viewers’ general expectations, some of which were built up through the scenes that came before this one… the scenes where things are awkward because Anakin and Padmé are not supposed to be having a fling and they’re having a fling and Anakin is not like this high society socially trained debutante so Have A Pear.

The scenes we thought were classic romances done poorly are rather a series of tragedies done adequately and with poor CG.

Furthermore, this is not a love story. This is a doom sequence in a Star War. Only, the doom sequence lays it on PG-cheesy because it’s fucking Star Wars.

Anakin loves Padmé. I won’t invalidate it. However-

Anakin struggles in Life. As Jedi. As a man. As a lover. His intentions may be pure, but he’s selfish, fearful, and possessive. There’s abundant evidence of this. Anakin says and does things a selfish, fearful, controlling* man would say throughout the entire prequel trilogy.

Viewers tried and failed to sex up and idealize this whole Star War. I think trying to make/read these stories into/as what you want them to be, rather than recognizing and appreciating them for what they are (v Anakin of 'you' 🏆), Anidala being no exception, can make a viewing experience awful.

In conclusion, a large part of the fandom at the time of AotC’s release were, like, Mad and Stuff about who was in the role of their Vader, Anakin/Hayden not being this buff ass, serpentine murder-chud, etc. They genuinely wanted him to be immaculately conceived in a stillsuit. Which I get. But no.

TL;DR

I don’t see the problem. This scene is fine. 8/10. 🧑‍⚖️

ANAKIN SKYWALKER & PADMÉ AMIDALA Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)

[timetravelingthroughspace]

In which I write a letter I’ll never send to someone who will never read it.

I wish that I’d reacted differently when Amber told me that someone in the box office was attracted to me.

I was busy deluding myself into believing that I didn’t want love, didn’t want romance, didn’t want sex…

But I did.

Of course I did. But I was too deep in my cups, too committed to self-medicating with alcohol. I think that someplace inside of myself I knew that a relationship with another human would have been a threat to my continued relationship with alcohol. That I couldn’t both be in a relationship and drink.

And the idea of quitting was fucking scary.

I wish that I’d really realized that.

—

I’m fantasy prone. It’s a Pisces trait and I guess I’m just very Pisces.

I find myself at times reliving the past, ruminating and regretting.

The way it went:

Amber: Someone in the box office has a crush on you!

Me: Oh… well I don’t want to know who it is. Tell them that I’m full of drama and that I’m not interested.

How I relive it:

Amber: Someone in the box office has a crush on you!

Me: Oh… who?

And instead of trying to shut down the possibility of someone being interested in me so that I can be “safely” alcoholic, instead I decide to speak with you.

In some versions of this it’s at an opening night. In other versions I approach you during the regular work day and ask if you’d like to get coffee.

We get to know one another and I’m upfront about not being in a place to begin a romantic relationship with anyone, but having gotten to know one another some I realize that I like you and I ask you to be my friend.

You agree.

We meet a couple more times for coffee and then… Covid begins.

One day, bored during lockdown I text you to ask if you want to meet at the park for a walk, because “Damn it! I’m bored, aren’t you?”

You text back, “lol! Sure, when?”

By this time I’d texted you nonsense while drunk and so you already suspect that I’m an alcoholic or at least that my drinking is problematic. So during one of what would become one of our many walks together, I finally admit my alcoholism and you aren’t surprised.

I tell you I want to quit and you’re supportive. So instead of trying and failing to quit drinking at the beginning of last lockdown, I actually do quit.

We become stronger friends over time.

I eventually fall in love with you, but you’ve moved on and found someone else to begin a relationship with.

Because no fantasy of mine is complete without something painful.

But! I find a true and devoted friend in you and you in me.

In some versions we cuddle as friends during lockdown. In others I tell you I’m in love with you and we begin a relationship, but with the demisexual fulfillment of having been friends first.

—

Having written this out… it all seems very self-centered.

Most fantasies are, I guess.

Self-centeredness is a feature of alcoholic behavior, I think. Or at least for me it is. Self-centered, but also self-destructive and self-effacing. A disease that keeps one preoccupied with and stuck in one’s disappointments and failures, especially disappointment with the failure to get sober.

Our relationship is over and I imagine that I will never hear from you again. That isn’t what I want (of course not, self-centered), but I can’t see you ever putting yourself in a position to be threatened with the possibility of the chaos of all of that again. Nor do I think you should.

Pretty words; I want you to be safe and happy and healthy. Especially from me. I may not intend you harm, but I’m unpredictable, even to myself.

And maybe that seems like an indication that maybe I’m a little better or that I’m self-aware enough to manage to have you in my life in a way that wouldn’t be toxic for you.

—

And so I fantasize…

One day, we are both happy, healthy, and secure.

And we find the friendship in one another I wish we’d had.

[beauspot]

my problem with eloise bridgerton really comes down to these 2 things.

1, she is in an immense place of privilege, and 2, her character arc is bound to fail. Let me elaborate.

Eloise is a member of the Bridgerton family one of, if not the wealthiest family in the ton. They are never concerned about not having enough in fact they are constantly able to splurge on things they do not need. For example throwing a party that no one went to and never speaking about it again. Penelope and the Featheringtons do not have that luxury. They are constantly fighting to remain in their station every season, barely scraping by (we can also see this represented in their clothing as they use their dresses to show how extravagantly they live even though it is a falsehood). Eloise is a woman in a time where women were treated as subhuman, yes BUT she is also a girl from a wealthy family with 3 sisters and 4 brothers. If she really does not want to marry she does not have to, this is literally the reason Eloise becomes a spinster. Many other girls do not have this luxury, but she doesn’t see that. She sees everything she can’t do and then complains about it and this leads into my second point.

Eloise’s purpose as a character was always going to fail because this is a show about romance. It’s not a historical drama, it’s a romance show. Every single Bridgerton is going to get married, so her being this adamant about not wanting to be married(a perfectly valid choice btw) is completely undermined because she does marry later on. And this is made worse by the fact that she is constantly ragging on other women for WANTING to be married. Eloise thinks that every woman should want what she wants and if they don’t they are a disappointment. It’s genuinely so annoying to hear her speak because she doesn’t just want options for herself she is determined to make every other woman feel bad for not wanting what she does. But she never actually does anything about it. Because she’s just that. All talk.

That is why i’m on Penelope’s side, number one people being like “why didn’t she just turn herself in?” did we even watch the same show because Penelope literally would have done that if she thought the queen would have believed her. Number 2 let’s not act like Eloise being “ruined” in society isn’t the exact thing she claimed to have wanted. To be outside of this society she claims to hate so much. Number 3 Pen’s family had a lot more to lose even if the queen did believe her than the Bridgertons. Because they are so well liked and wealthy they can bounce back from pretty much anything. Penelope did do something with her words and yes she wrote them under a pseudonym because how many people do you think would have picked up a gossip column if they saw the name penelope featherington written on it?

To me Eloise is just a brat and i really don’t see that changing any time soon. So while i hope her and Pen make up it’s not for me because i don’t care if they make up, it’s for the audience so you can finally shut up about Penelope being evil.

Also her and Theo are not endgame sorry to burst your bubble.

edit: I also think this issue is exacerbated by the fact that we got Kate in season 2 and she holds a lot of the same beliefs Eloise does but we understand her motivations because of where she comes from.

[alienisticxo]

Before the Fever - Chapter Eleven

{Master Chief x Reader series - TV based}

{A╱N} okay, so a scene here was the scene that inspired this entire series! i actually had that written out before i even began to write the series 🥲

i was listening to a slowed version of a song, and imagined that little scene taking place to it because I'm hopelessly in love with MC. i’ve added a link within the fic of where to start the song if you’d like to listen to it while you read it! (it's bolded and underlined!) but if not, i still hope you enjoy and put it to any song you'd like!

getting to the romance part has been so much fun and i cannot thank you guys enough for really sticking around and showing my lil fic this much love between ao3 & here. also, sorry i kept thinking i was getting to real romance and then just weaving more story instead up to this point lol.

{gifs by thraxusboorman}

enjoy & thank you as always ♡

Chapter Eleven - Before the Fever

Silence hung in the air as both The Master Chief and myself stared after Kai-125, our eyes glued to the door as though she might come barreling back through it to stay on the run with us. When it was safe to say she wasn’t returning, I finally spoke up.

“How long are we staying here?” I posed in the quiet, glancing down at the clothes in my hands.

“Not long,” John huffed, setting the briefcase on the table in front of the couch. “Cortana, what information did Halsey manage to gather on this thing?”

“Mm..” She calculated for a few seconds, undoubtedly accessing files. “Not much. She only knows what she and Miranda have collected from you both directly. According to the blood samples, you share some facet of DNA with {Y/N}.”

We both immediately faced her, a snap reaction to the news. My face twisted into a slight cringe. I couldn’t see his countenance, but I was sure it held a similar expression.

“You’re not related. No, that would be weird,” she laughed.

It was easy to notice how we both eased up at once, but neither of us laughed along with her.

“It seems to be some part of your biochemistry, potentially the reason both of you harbor the ability to mentally transcend to the Halo via contact with The Keystone. This trait.. It’s extremely rare. One in millions. She was of course searching for its provenance and functionality, along with the reasoning behind why {Y/N} arrives there so effortlessly when you seem to struggle.. But that was.. interrupted.”

“How did we manage to find each other?” He simply asked her. “Doesn’t that seem… strange?”

“I can only offer the mathematical equation.”

She parted her lips to speak again, but then quickly closed them.

“That was rhetorical wasn’t it?” She asked. “You’re not actually looking for the odds.”

He gave her a knowing look before his eyes caught the briefcase on the table again. I wanted to ask about the woman on The Covenant ship, though no one believed that she existed. She knew about The Keystones, she knew where they took her and how. That was another element to this entire situation. If the DNA was one in millions…

“I’m going to clean up,” I voiced softly instead, pointing behind myself before turning to find the bathroom.

I needed to get settled before I delved into any of this information. But as usual when they spoke to each other, they were unfazed by anything I said.

“We have to move, get to Eridanus..” John spoke, seeming to cut himself off.

“Chief, I know the plan was to get in and get out, but I do believe now that you have the Keystone, it would be wise to stay. At least until morning. They’ll be searching everywhere they believe you might turn up— Eridanus II included,” Cortana stated. “If enough time passes within both here and Reach, chances are they’ll have already searched the area.”

He hesitated, and I slowed my trek to the shower, trying to figure out which set of clothing to redress in if he did decide to listen to her.

“You’re right,” he finally rasped under his breath, but he didn’t seem too thrilled with the idea. “We’ll stay. Just until morning. We can’t waste time here. I have a plan.”

There was the rest of his previous statement– There was a new reason to get to Eridanus now. After a few seconds more, I heard Cortana sigh, seeming leery of whatever intel she suddenly had.  

“John…” she voiced.

But by the time she could continue on, I found myself behind the bathroom’s closed door, staring at the same stunning view of the galaxy through its own window. If there were lights to be switched on, I didn’t need them with the natural light of the stars, moons and suns that it offered.

There was a large tub just in front of the window, a shower stall in the corner. While the room itself wasn’t that large, between the decor and the lavishness of it all, it was luxe enough that I wasn’t sure if I should have actually taken Laela’s offer to clean up. It made me wonder how many people they’d surely ripped off in order to garner so much wealth. I’d heard of Soren in the streets, an ex-Spartan gone rogue. While I’d never met him, he’d garnered much respect throughout Rubble, especially amongst pirates.

Setting the folded pile down on the counter, I stared for just a few moments more. I finally had some time alone, and maybe given the circumstances, that should’ve scared me. But I still felt safer than I had in the last hiding place I’d found. That was probably because I was now on the same side as the Spartan, as opposed to resisting him and all he stood for.

Filling my lungs with as much air as possible, I held my breath and counted to five before exhaling again slowly.

What a mess I’ve gotten myself into.

After a beat, I began to undress, eyes still glued on the twinkling stars ahead. Once my drabby clothes were in a pile at my feet, I dared look in the floor length mirror beside me. I was covered in bruises, more than I had expected.

It was no longer just Doctor Halsey’s experimentation that I focused on. Bruises from being kidnapped and held captive on The Covenant ship still remained. I hadn’t taken a good look at myself since I’d been rescued, too withdrawn to do anything other than go through the motions. I wondered how horrific they must’ve looked when they were fresh.

My eyes trailed from my feet, up to my waist, and then to the small, dainty pendant I wore around my neck. I’d almost forgotten it was there, hidden under my shirt, just barely passing my clavicle. It was a gift from my mother when I was still a child; the only thing I had left of her aside of the blood in my veins and maybe the shape of my eyes, if I remembered correctly. My fingers grazed the silver crescent moon lightly as it caught the starlight. I was suddenly extremely glad I hadn’t lost it in all the chaos that surrounded me lately.

————

“It’s the only way,” I stated, hoping to leave Cortana no room for argument.

“It’s a suicide mission. You can’t do that.”

Still too much room.

“I can. I will.”

“Bringing The Covenant to Eridanus is not going to pan out the way you think it will.”

“It’s a dead planet, Cortana. No one else will get hurt in the process. No more losses to be had. If we have any chance at retrieving the second Keystone, finding out what the hell they’re meant to do.. it’s this way.”

“No one else— just you,” she retorted, not even beginning to touch the rest of my statement.

“If they’re after the Keystones, they must be involved with something greater than what they seem. The Halo has to be something meaningful to them. We have to figure out what they really do. Not just for me, not just for {Y/N}. At this point, for the sake of humanity, too. This is the only way.”

That was the real mission beneath it all. While the programming they’d done to me hadn’t been holding up, the objective was still clear.

“And you’re going to bring it back to Doctor Halsey? After everything that’s happened?” she asked, full of derision.

I knew I’d made her decide who she was loyal to, and that ended up being myself over Halsey, but now wasn’t the time to exercise that.

“Not Halsey, no. But I’m sure Keyes and her team can piece together what’s needed. She’s extremely capable. More trustworthy than her mother.”

“Well, she’s been burnt by her just as badly in a whole other way.”

“Imagine that,” I mused flatly, staring at the briefcase on the table.

Cortana was silent. I was silent. It was then that I noticed {Y/N} was gone, slight panic gripping me before my recollection of her leaving filled my head again. Looking back at Cortana for a few more seconds, I crossed the room and finally began to shed the layers of my Mjolnir.

I was stuck here for the night.

“Chief,” the A.I. began, the seriousness in her tone returning. “I was designed to take full operational control of you to optimize both your physical and mental performance. To become the ultimate soldier Doctor Halsey wanted to create to win the war— and beyond. To strike fear into any enemy. Now that it’s something I don’t want, I’m worried for you. This is an extremely high risk mission, one I’m not sure you can complete without the rest of Silver Team.”

“I can’t drag them into this more than I already have. We’re a team, but this is personal. They deserve to know what happened to us. But they don’t deserve the backlash of whatever this initiates.”

Her frown was evident as she took another step closer to me.

“I have the utmost faith in you, John,” her voice was soft, emphatic. “You know that, right? I wouldn’t have chosen you over her if I didn’t. My trust in you is implicit.”

I glanced over at Cortana while I continued to set pieces of my armor down, the undersuit I wore feeling like a heavy second skin in the casual setting we found ourselves in. Holding her gaze, allowing the smallest ounce of vulnerability I despised showing to dimly shine through, I nodded once.

It was hard to believe, some days. She had a stubborn and sarcastic streak, not unlike her creator. But deep down, I felt just as connected with her as I may have with a human, if connection were in my repertoire. Cortana lived in my head 24/7; a neural implant like no other, and though we had our ups and downs, though I’d tested her and god knows she tested me, I knew over anything else that I could rely on her.

She’d proven that to me time and time again without much in return.

“But there’ll be one of you.. And more than likely hundreds of them,” she continued. “I know you’re The Master Chief, the hero among us all, but.. even with your augmentations, you’re only human.”

Her features were full of anxiety. Smart A.I.’s really did seem to feel. I wondered about her sometimes. It made me question my own ideals on the matter. What was scientific and factual seemed more like made-up guidelines, the more time I spent with her.

“You were outnumbered on Rubble before in a surprise attack, taking immense damage in battle without the rest of Silver Team for backup.”

“I was there,” I said gruffly, not wanting to recall that {Y/N} contributed to that as well before Cortana spoke up again.

“All it took after that was a Gravity Hammer to have your HUD screaming at me. Repairing the damage in such a short amount of time without losing you altogether was complex, and…”

Was she… about to cry? Could an A.I. system do that? She sounded overcome with pure emotion.

“Terrifying,” she exhaled.

“I thought you didn’t do sentimental,” was all I could say, completely thrown by what was happening here.

“Chief, I don’t want to control you; replace you. The more I saw what was going on with Doctor Halsey.. the more I got to know you and see your humanity— the thing that makes you so unique.. the less I wanted it. My directive was to do just that, especially in the case of losing you. It’s not that I’m not able to achieve what I was designed to do, not at all. It’s that I don’t want to. I don’t want to have to. We can’t lose The Master Chief. We’d be lost without you and all that you already are on your own. I don’t think that’s something Catherine accounted for.”

My head spun. I was suddenly glad I went with her decision to stay the night on Rubble to gain some clarity for what was ahead. She wasn’t designed for sentimentality, for feelings in general— that seemed to be something Halsey loved taking from anyone and anything she could.

But this was sure as hell something.

I saw Cortana in a different light then.

Unable to take my eyes off of her as I tried to grasp what I was able to, I realized she was more human than she let on. More human than I felt, most days. This felt like a surprise attack all on its own, though I know she didn’t mean it to be. Years worth of brainwashing told me not to believe a single thing she told me. In a matter of moments, she somehow unraveled that.

What was going on?

“Cortana…” I began, wanting to piece my now scattered thoughts together in a decent response for her.

But before I could start, she disappeared again without so much as a breath in my auditory cortex.

“Cortana?” I asked quietly, unsure of what had just happened.

Silence.

That worried me more than it should have, until I turned around.

————

“Maybe she’s tired,” I offered gently, running my hand back through my hair.

Of course I had no idea what the real reason for her sudden absence was, but it sounded like it could be true. I didn’t want to intervene on yet another private moment between the two, and so I tried to change the subject.

“What is she exactly, anyway?” I finally posed. “I know she said she was a form of artificial intelligence… But.. she seems so.. real.”

The Master Chief simply stared at me, setting down a final piece of the armor he’d been taking off while I was showering, leaving him in nothing but the black undersuit he typically wore back on Reach— the less menacing ensemble. The one that allowed me to see him as a man, not a machine.

“Smart A.I.,” was all he said, lifting his chin just a bit. “Halsey’s. Well.. She was.”

I thought about it for a moment, but it only seemed to kick up more questions. I wasn't savvy in the ways of such advanced tech, but I supposed a 'smart A.I.’ was different from an average one. Walking around the couch and trying to focus on what I was trying to say, I tugged the sash to the black, intricately designed robe I now wore just a bit tighter.

What was underneath was enough to make anyone who wasn’t used to wearing such articles blush. It wasn’t until I slipped it on that I realized it was a {F/C} night dress, with thin straps for ‘sleeves’ and coming just down to about mid-thigh. I frantically searched for any indication of pants, but there were none to be had other than a pair of underwear that seemed to match.

Even the outfit “for the next destination” contained a slick, thin material of black pants and a top I wasn’t sure was going to cover enough skin. I wasn’t used to wearing something so.. elegant, or sensual— to sleep in, especially. But one look at Laela told me that was the norm for her no matter who was around.

I was thoroughly embarrassed just wearing it. Let alone around John. But it was comfortable, the robe was soft; and it did feel good to not be as drab as I hadn’t realized I looked or felt.

“Where does she.. come from?” I finally asked, sitting in a plush chair next to the couch and instinctively rearranging the robe to cover my legs and as much of myself as possible.

“She’s in my head,” he stated, his eyes trailing over me with what looked like curiosity of his own.

He said that as though he knew I wasn’t going to believe it, and in any other situation, I might not have. But after everything we’d been through, I felt like that was the only logical explanation.

“Your head? So she just manifests whenever she wants to? Or do you summon her?”

It seemed like he was waiting for her to appear at any moment. When she didn’t, he sighed and stepped closer toward me.

“It’s both. She likes to show up unannounced a lot of the time. Sometimes I tell her to leave me alone. But when I need her, she’s always there.”

“That’s kind of nice,” I smiled. “Like a built-in companion. A friend.”

He stood for a few seconds, seeming to contemplate what I’d said before easing down onto the couch just beside my chair.

“She’s not built for friendship. Or companionship. She’s a tool to be implemented.”

But something told me he didn’t believe that one bit.

“Do you trust her?” I asked, my tone airy, holding a slight smugness to it.

He stared out of the large window, not looking at anything in particular to my knowledge, but I could tell he was pondering over my question.

“I do,” he finally said.

“Then she’s a friend,” I nodded once.

“Do you trust me?”

His eyes caught mine then, throwing me off-guard all over again.

I immediately reached up for the pendant around my neck, fidgeting with it absently. I’d told him I trusted him on The Condor. He knew I trusted him. There was no denying it any longer. Was he just making sure?

“I do.”

“Are we friends?”

I blinked a few times, eyes drifting around the room. What was the correct response here?

The truth, I supposed.

“I.. hope so.”

It was then that I realized I caught him off-guard with my response, too.

“A.I. doesn’t feel,” he pointed out instead, steering clear of the subject as he looked back through the crystal clear glass. “They don’t have the same traits as humans. They learn, but they never really feel things the same way we do. She isn’t real.”

But something seemed to be nagging at him as he said it. As though he was trying to convince himself of that little tidbit rather than me.

“She seems pretty real to me,” I expressed quietly. “Speaking of what’s human and what isn’t..  I never asked. What’s it like? Being a Spartan?”

I pressed a smile. I could see he was worn down. I didn’t want to stress him out any more than he already was. We were hunkering down here for the night and there was no reason to make it uncomfortable or stale. If there was a time to pick his brain, it would be now.

John turned to face me completely then, a faint smirk on his lips that drove me right into insanity inside. I had to remind myself to breathe.

“What’s it like being human?” He responded.

A small, curt laugh escaped me. Probably the first laugh I’d had since I’d left Rubble the first time.

“You’re human, John,” I assured him. “There’s no doubt about that. I don’t care what they’ve done to you. I can see it, underneath all that armor and suppressed emotion.”

Maybe it was the hour, the lack of sleep, the astronomical amount of stress, or just the fact that we were in a safe, comfortable space for once; but I felt more compelled than ever to be open with The Master Chief. To be honest with him. To comfort him the way I’d intended.

“I wonder sometimes.”

“Don’t you do human things at all? Even just the little things?”

“We eat, sleep. Sure.”

I chewed on my lower lip for a moment, my line of sight moving to the stereo system Laela had mentioned earlier. I looked over the selection on the holographic screen absentmindedly, trying to trudge through the mass amount of questions on my mind in order to find any of the important ones instead.

“How long have you really been without the pellet Cortana mentioned?”

“She was right. Not very long.”

“When did they…” I trailed off, not wanting to upset or offend him.

“For as long as I can remember. Since I was a kid.”

“So.. you haven’t really experienced things without it? Like, the way the sun feels on your skin after a string of rainy days, or a really good book.”

His expression hardened a bit as he leaned forward on his elbows, shaking his head.

“I don’t have much time to read, if you can believe that,” he joked.

Another soft laugh escaped me. Has he really joked with me before?

“And here I thought you guys were just lounging around by a pool all day waiting for another mission.”

John breathed the faintest of laughs, and I couldn’t help but smile myself. I suddenly wanted to do nothing but try to make him laugh. It was something terribly beautiful that I wondered if he even knew he was capable of once I thought about his situation.

But I continued to think, letting it sink in that he hadn’t experienced much on a deeper level. It was then that I immediately turned and reached for the stereo between us, leaning over the arm of my chair.

“You know what..”

I navigated through the screen, searching for any song I recognized. Music was different among different planets, and I wasn’t sure I’d find anything at all.

He looked at me quizzically, and I peeked over at him and smiled again before continuing my search.

“Ah!” I finally gasped, coming across a title I recognized very well and gearing it up.

“Music has got to be one of my favorite things ever,” I mentioned.

He sat up straight again, and I could see the interest in his features.

“This is a song from my home planet,” I began. “One of my favorites, actually.”

My voice was quiet, my line of sight following his once more to the view through the window. I still wasn’t sure I’d ever seen anything more striking, except maybe the way John looked as he contemplated the sprawling galaxy before us.

His profile was still and illuminated in a purple and blue hue from the cosmic clusters just beyond us, his eyes glossed over from the exhaustion and no doubt the newfound overwhelm of emotion. He was riddled with knicks and scars, some apparent and some hiding behind his stubble. But nonetheless, he was stunning. A god among men. It became so clear to me so quickly and all at once that I had to take a deeper breath, steady my head from spinning and pull my focus from burning through him.

Dragging my eyes off of his face, I looked back to the stereo and swallowed thickly, delicate fingers moving through the air that was the screen.

“I can’t remember the last time I listened to music.. We’re not very creatively oriented at the UNSC.”

A soft laugh escaped me again as I shook my head and started the song, turning to face him again, not filtering or dismissing my feelings this time.

Another joke. Maybe he was warming up to me after all.

“I couldn’t have guessed,” I smiled.

But when I watched him this time, I could see the millions of thoughts running across his mind as he continued to stare out over what felt like the entire universe.

He was absorbing the music as it played, dramatic and reverberated. He was feeling every note, every bend. I almost wished I could experience life with such a fresh set of eyes. On bated breath, I watched him intently, studying him. With slight hesitation, I dared bring him out of his trance as gently as possible.

“… Do you like it?” I found myself whispering just loud enough for him to hear against the music.

My tone was intense, as though the world depended on his opinion.

My world did.

“It’s beautiful,” he responded, slowly turning his head to look at me.

My existence caught fire. The song shifted, slowed down. It was almost unbearable, how strongly all I wanted to do was enjoy the moment with him. To be part of a beautiful memory that he would have forever. With another small smile, I stood up and held out my hand to him.

John looked at it, brow furrowing slightly. It wasn’t hard to see that he had reservations about my subtle invitation. He had barely heard music, and it probably felt as though asking him to dance was more intimidating than following an order to head straight into battle without a plan.

Or giving a hug, apparently.

Trying to lighten his trepidation, I held his stare.

“C’mon.. I know The Master Chief isn’t scared of a little dance.”

“I don’t dance,” he responded curtly.

“Correction. You didn’t dance.”

With that, I leaned down and took his hands into mine. I attempted to pull him up the best I could, but I knew the large Spartan must’ve been humoring me by standing all on his own. Without skipping a beat, I lead him in a dance with my own small amount of knowledge in the medium.

There was no need for a step counted, know-who-leads dance. I just wanted to spend the time, let him feel the music, and feel it as vicariously as I could.

Swaying gently, I quickly forgot about my reservation in the clothing I wore. I stepped up closer to John, guiding one of his hands to the small of my back as I did the best I could to rest mine behind his broad shoulder, too short to latch my entire arm behind his neck.

I held his other hand in mine, the closeness to another human, no matter how un-human he seemed sometimes, something entirely too foreign to me. It was almost terrifying. If I hadn’t wanted it with him so badly, allowed myself to feel the massive amount of feelings I had toward him now with no holds barred, I would’ve run in the other direction.

Though I wasn’t exactly sure of his standing with me, the fact that he didn’t oppose any of my actions clued me in. In that way, I could only imagine how he felt.

“It’s not as complicated as I was expecting,” he offered, looking down into my eyes, closer than he had ever been to me before in such an intimate way.

“That’s a good sign,” I assured gently, feeling something akin to an excited nervousness. “You’re comfortable.”

We danced a bit longer, the slow rhythm of the music leading the way. It was suddenly far too easy to get caught up in the moment, and I could tell he must’ve been in the same mentality when he held me out before lifting his arm to spin me around.

I was so wrapped up in him, the gesture hardly shocked me. It only felt.. natural. Right.

I imagined we looked like a portrait against the view behind us as I spun once more, being led back into his arms with a slight sense of urgency that wasn’t there before. We danced along the room slowly, no more words between us, just the emotion of the music holding us captive within each other.

And as we spun and crossed the floor in the sparkling light of the vastness around us, for the moment, I forgot about Doctor Halsey. I forgot about Cortana. There were no orders being held over John’s head, and there was no Keystone or Halo to discover. No parents, no Covenant, no Blessed One, no other Spartans. There was no one trying to keep us apart. It was simply John and I.

John and {Y/N}.

Selfishly, I wanted it to last forever. It wasn’t until our eyes finally met again, that I could tell within the depths of my soul that he wanted the same. But to live a normal life seemed not in the cards for him. It wasn’t something I’d ever ask of him, either.

To think so far ahead after a minute or two of dancing together felt odd to me. I didn’t understand the impulse I was feeding into emotionally; the connection and willingness to be connected we suddenly shared so openly and unequivocally with each other. We’d gone from lukewarm to burning hot in a matter of a few musical notes.

But the way the music drifted in and out, creating the atmosphere we were so gladly stuck in, seemed to heighten the moment. The warmth of his large frame against mine was something I suddenly never wanted to lose, or forget, having only ever felt the warmth of his hands through my clothing before thanks to the armor he wore. Every second of our new encounter was being committed to memory.

Saved for eternity.

How could I ever forget the way his hands felt in mine? The way his lips seemed to curve upward ever so slightly as I spun beneath him. How, no matter how far away we traveled from each other in our dance to swing out slowly, we were still always touching in one way or another, connected, eager to return home.

Home.

It struck me then.

John felt like home.

Whatever that was, whatever I’d imagined it to be, it was all right here. Not with Astra, picking pockets. Not on Niacadus, wishing my parents would return. It was with The Spartan I’d once so stupidly felt so much hatred and disdain for.

My eyes never left his own once that realization struck. The moment was powerful, holding more passion than I’d experienced in a lifetime; the music lending more of the sensation to the situation. The song slowed down even more, and as it did so, I felt myself begin to dip backwards, John’s arms holding me, strong and safe— capable. Our gazes were locked on one another’s, simply feeling, feeling everything, all at once, new and otherwise.

My gentle hand finally found his neck as his face drew closer to mine. There was no turning back from this point. I knew it, I knew it in my mind and in my heart as it fluttered with excitement behind my ribcage. I knew it in my bones and the depths of my soul.

I wondered what he was thinking, deeply wished I could read his mind.

Slowly, carefully, my fingers grazed around the back of his neck, encouraging him to come closer, to stay closer. His skin was warm, my fingertips sending signals throughout my body as my other hand held him behind his shoulder once more. My breath hitched in my chest with every inch he closed between us.

I felt his grip tighten just slightly against my frame as though he too felt the gravity of the situation. As though he too knew how this one little gesture would seal our fate; close the space and time between us forever, irrevocably so.

His handsome features were so beautifully unbearable in such close proximity, that my eyes began to close, lips parted just so.. ready, waiting, for his acceptance of my final invitation to lay everything bare to each other—

Once, and for all…

-x-x-x-

Tags: @grimistangel​, @guiltgoldglory​ ♡

[three--rings]

Final Kinnporsche Review

So in trying to figure out how to approach writing an actual Kinnporsche review, I ended up having to make a list of positives and negatives because I couldn’t figure out how else to approach it.  I’m also keeping this as non-spoilery as possible.

It’s not a show I can praise wholeheartedly without also tempering it with some criticism.  It’s not a show I recommend without caveats.  It is, however, a show I really have enjoyed watching and which I love in many respects.  I’m going to pretty immediately watch it again, and I watched most episodes twice while it was airing.  Plus I’m planning to read the novel on which it was based.

So obviously, I like it. 

But let’s run through my pros and cons.  Gonna start with the cons and then linger on the pros.  These are all, of course, my opinion and I know some people don’t have the same experience of this show as me which is totally valid.  It really depends where your threshold/attitude is towards certain things in your media and everyone is different.

Negatives:

I spoke about this in my initial post about the show, but early on and occasionally throughout, the show has some cringey and embarrassment-based humor.  Especially in episode 2, which is basically ENTIRELY that.  There are a number of scenes in this show I have watched mostly through my hands because I can’t handle second hand embarrassment. 

The setting/premise of the show is not very believable.  The mafia family with a skyscraper full of young, hot bodyguards and James Bond style tech requires a good amount of suspension of disbelief to buy into.  In general the plot and action scenes require you watch with a lot of suspension of disbelief.  This isn’t realistic drama TV, it’s fanfic level mafia AU that runs entirely on Rule of Cool.

The way the plot is handled/shot/edited/written is uneven and has some very sloppy moments.  Some episodes are perfect and tight and others are a hot mess IMO.  There’s a lot of them cutting and you going “wait, what? what happened, where are we, did I miss something?”  Most of the time, the scene you find yourself in is fun and sometimes delightful and therefore you don’t actually care how you got to it.  But it still...rankles, and shows the inexperience of much of the team behind the show.

I can’t speak very well to how this compares to other BL dramas or Thai dramas, but there’s a good amount of cheesy fan service that shows off the bodies of the actors.  I’m not talking about specifically sex scenes or romance scenes, but everyone having their shirts unbuttoned practically to their waists, removing clothes for little reason, etc.  You get used to it as like...background levels of fan services and certainly the eye candy is very nice but...it could turn some people off (and others on I’m sure).

This is almost a World Without Women, as tends to be a problem with BL content.  This really feels like a world where women somehow don’t exist and most men are just queer by default.  There are a couple of mother figures, literal and figurative, but they are rarely on screen.  It would feel a little less weird if, like, IDK any of the men of the family had a female significant other who wasn’t dead.

There are elements of dubious consent in both the kinnporsche and vegaspete (and actually almost kimchay) ships.  There’s one scene of basically sexual assault that IMO is well-handled in the aftermath, but it IS between two people who go on to be in a relationship/fall in love.  There’s also a lot of violence, on-screen torture, and one ship where one of them tortures the other and keeps him as a prisoner before falling for him.   So...there are elements you could say are problematic and/or toxic.  If you are sensitive to these things/themes you should stay away.  BUT I do think the way all of them is handled is SUPER INTERESTING and appealing to me personally.  I love some redemption narratives and complicated characters and relationships.

Which brings me to the Positives.

One of my general complaints about a lot of BL dramas is that they involve young characters in high school or university.  Kinnporsche is lovely in that regard because the characters/actors are mid-late 20s and the plot is way more interesting that just school drama.

The acting level of this show is EXCELLENT pretty much across the board.  Every once in a while a side character has bad line delivery or a particular scene twigs my bad acting nerve, but overall I’m INCREDIBLY IMPRESSED with the cast.  Especially since this is the first job for some of them.  (I have a Real Problem with bad acting that ties into my embarrassment squick so this is a concern with small productions.)

But really Mile, Apo, Bible, Build...they all fucking killed it and conveyed such a range of content.  But especially the super emotional scenes were so fucking good.  (I’m especially impressed with Apo and Bible...damn.)

The filming is very aesthetic, pleasant, and fun to watch.  Despite the obvious low budget which occasionally shows in things like the rare CGI, the cinematography is impressive.  The show loves to show it off, too, with the colored lighting and camera angles, but it never feels too much and makes it a LOT more visually interesting than pretty much any other BL I’ve seen images of.  (And a lot of regular TV, especially romance-focused shows.)

I started talking above about the complicated characters, and this is where the show SHINES.  The characters feel complex and realistic, and have believable development across the series, which of course the acting level shows off.  But also the relationships have ARCS, really huge amounts of development. 

Kinnporsche especially, since that’s the focus of the show.  It’s really a sorta enemies to lovers situation and there’s a lot of stops along the way, although they really sort themselves out by a little over halfway through the show. 

Vegaspete is the secondary ship and it doesn’t get started until close to the end of the season but they do SO MUCH with a few episodes.  I wish it had had a little more time, but I get why it happened that way.  This is even MORE of enemies to lovers with one of them being a main antagonist to boot.  I was expecting to HATE this ship and they...ended up being possibly my faves.

The third ship is Kim/Chay and it’s a really side story kind of thing.  It doesn’t really get the development of the others but it has cute moments and is more of hints for the future/possibly S2.

But all the pairs have SUPER good chemistry.  Like, wow, okay.  That intimacy coaching worked I guess.

Speaking of which, let’s talk Sex Scenes.  This is going to sound a certain way, but my very favorite thing about this show is the sex scenes.  Because I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen better sex on screen.  Most sex scenes on film are cringey and awkward or uncomfortable looking.  But Kinnporsche manages to make them hot, sexy, beautiful, and also to have a lot of relevance to the characters and the relationships.  The sex scenes are meaningful and tell a story.  They have significance in the overall story.  The emotions on the characters faces is just as important as their bodies or even more so.  These sex scenes feel ACTUALLY INTIMATE and that’s VERY RARE.

And they are super explicit.  The extended version of the show is 21+ and yeah...this is definitely adults only content.  But mostly because they don’t shy away from the realities of what is happening.  Like, yeah, you know what sex act is occurring and it’s not all penetration.  I’m going to stop talking about the sex now because I’m probably going to do a post all about that.  I have a lot of feelings about it, as someone very concerned with the portrayal of sex and sex positivity.  But finally the last thing I’ll say is that if you’ve ever wanted to see good fanfic sex scenes on screen, this is the closest thing I’ve ever seen.

The show is very queer.  As I mentioned above, pretty much everyone in the show is casually queer as if that’s just the default.  Now that’s sorta because it’s in weird BL land, but also...something about the representation feels like there have been queer hands on it.  Now, I can’t obviously speak to the sexual or gender identities of anyone involved with the show.  I’m not pointing to anyone in particular with this.  But the way that there’s no homophobia onscreen, the way everyone just accepts “you love who you love”, the way there’s no gay panic, the way there’s a variation of the way gender is presented, with men of a wide range of feminine traits on display, the gnc characters... it’s a thing.

I was originally VERY on guard about the representation in this show, especially when it came to stereotypes, but then the show just sorta kept not doing the stereotypical thing and exceeding my expectations. 

Finally, the show is fun.  The tone bounces all over the damn place enough to give you emotional whiplash, but it’s almost always a fun ride if you just relax and shrug and go along with it.  The entire ensemble will win your heart and make you fond of them and ultimately you just have to root for this crazy, bizarre, unique little show that could.

Where to watch:  As far as I know, right now the only way to watch the show legally is with iQiyi VIP.  There may be some episodes up on YouTube but I think they are only the edited versions?  You want the extended ones, trust me.

However if you cannot access it through official channels for some reason, a quick search will find it elsewhere.  (I include this because usually I get a crapton of comments about how to watch a series.  So please...search engine folks.)

[danseinthefallout]

Alright here are some of my fallout hot takes:

Deacon x MacCready is weird/gross, not founded in canon, and borderline pedophilic if you think about the most likely age difference and how a lot of people headcanon Deacon as the lone wanderer.

People being into Kent the ghoul weirds me out because of how child-like he is. Same goes for Curie, she’s literally born sexy yesterday and has the basic social knowledge of a child. It’s really messed up to try to romance her and her dialogue even shows how confused and somewhat uncomfortable she is. 

People being super into Maxson feels the same to me as people being super into Vulpes. They are both pretty unattractive, openly and horrifically fascist/violent bigots/genocidal/literally pure evil, and being very into them is weird when there are so many other non-horrific options to choose from.

On that note, in anyway liking the Legion and the people in it is so fucked up like actually why.

DiMA is the literal worst and we just forgive it because he is some pretty clear queer representation. 

MacCready in fallout 4 is written VERY poorly.

Porter Gage is pretty damn evil and while I don’t begrudge people for liking him I feel like a lot of people forget that he isn’t a good or normal person.

Piper is actually a really well written and well developed character and just because one of her articles was not written well in game does not mean that she is a bad reporter. She’s a very underrated character in the fandom.

I have a bunch of other opinions that are not very popular but here are the most spicy ones. 

I’ll be responding to each one best as I can, if I agree, disagree or in the middle of it. These takes are really interesting and should be talked about more in my eyes. And I also ask what you guys think on each take. Do you agree, disagree or in the middle of it?

Personally, I haven’t seen much relating to the ship of Deacon and Mac in a romantic way. (I have seen more friendship and dynamic duo stuff) I can understand it’s a bit weird considering that Mac is (I believe) 22 in the timeline of Fallout 4. Considering we don’t know of Deacon’s real age (I believe he might be in his late 20’s early 30’s if we ignore the headcanon of him being the lone wander) we’re unsure of the real age gap between the two. So I don’t super agree that the ship in a romantic light could be considered pedophilic as they are both adults in Fallout 4 HOWEVER if we consider the headcanon of Deacon being the Lone Warner, I can understand where you’re coming from as the two met when Mac was 12 (making Deacon 19 and thus 29 in Fallout 4) But I also the ask the question, would it be a similar situation if the Sole Survive romances, Mac, as it appears that Sole is at least in their 30’s? 

I agree with this for the most part! I never really though about people being attracted to Kent like that as I he’s not a big part of my playing experiences. With Curie, I always found it weird when flirting with her for the first time as she has no idea what’s really going on as she is a literal roboto before. She seems more of child when comes to the real world. And also I find the romatic/flirting interactions with Curie kind of… cringe to say the least.

I understand this as I personally hate Maxson and how he thinks and speaks, but I can get inside of someone who loves a good villain. I’m not too familiar with Vulpes so I can’t say too much. If Maxon wasn’t a complet asshole towrads synths and ghoul and LITERALLY MAKES SOLE TO KILL DANSE CAUSE OF IT, and he was more sympathic, I think he’d be more attractive. I get that people can be attractive to villains, but… Maxon? Like I don’t care how great of a coat and beard you got bro, you’re a little shit head. I think people just ignore all of that when they simp for him.

I personally haven’t played New Vegas in so long, so I can’t say much about it.

This one, I disagree on, but can understand why this can be the case. DiMA, I believe is genuinely symathic to what he has done and actuall cares about causing peace for his people as well as everyone in Far Harbor. Personally, I am a DiMA lover so I might be bias on this front, but I do think he is a good person with a bad past and I do agree that some of the things he has done are a little shady, but overall I think he wants peace and the best for Far Harbor. Also side note, I’ll only play the main quest of Far Harbor with Nick Valintine.

I agree, and it sucks as he is a reacurring character from Fallout 3, I wish we could expand on his relation with his wife and son, maybe even meeting his son in the game after his quest line. This goes with a lot of characters in Fallout 4 and that is my biggest issue with the game. There are so much amazing things they could have done. 

I think the reason for why people like him is why some like Maxson, they like a good villain. Personally I like Gage more then Maxon as he’s fun to run away with and not as annoying then Maxon is to me.

I don’t run around much with Piper, but what I have seen feels like a real person to me. She has a lot of personality to her and her backstory seems well rounded, but I do think their is some things that I wish was expanded on with her character, and this can just me be, like her relationship with her sister. I for sure think the fandom needs to give Piper more love.

Anyways, that is my response to each hot take! Send it your and I’ll tell you my thoughts on them <3

[valenhell]

From the studio that brought you “I can’t find good Byler fics in the ao3 tag”, comes:

"The Definitive Byler fic rec list"

Literally no one asked for this but because I spent the majority of last year (...and 2019, and 2018...) reading byler fics and coping with life, I thought I’d make a list of some of my absolute favorites. 

The other day I was basically starving for some byler fics and the angel @magicalfairy provided me with some of her faves so I thought I’d do the same, because I love reading, and I love all of these fics and I appreciate their writers💗 And fic writers in general, come on!

- This is a mix of long works and one-shots/short stories. - Everything is mostly fluff with a tad of angst and a lot of internalized homophobia conflict.  - Every fic is completed, except for the ones I mention that they are not. - I try my best to lay out the stories in a way that I won’t spoil you the plot but also warning you of some stuff you might don’t like. Either way, all of these fics are correctly tagged by their respective authors/owners, so read at your own risk. For better understanding, in between brackets I denote Rating, Words and quantity of Chapters. - I feel like I should clarify, none of these are narrated in the singular first person. None of that “And I told him...”, no. 

Long fics

a dream always the same (T, 99k, 35 chapters) What happened in those few weeks between the Battle of Starcourt and the Byers leaving Hawkins. Literally a satisfying and very needed fill in of season three, with a good dose of Mike’s thoughts and conflict. Mike’s characterization is specially amazing in this one. The writing style is amazing and I know the author put everything into making it historically accurate, and it was really sweet. You probably read it, it’s by the amazing sevensided here on Tumblr🧡

Spring Break (T, 120k, 14/15 chapters) The slowburn of my dreams. Lots of internalized conflict and conflict with each other. Conflict within the Party (uhh kind of), conflict with Mike and Will. Byers family has moved and the kids are visiting! Chaos. Characterization is on point. Yeah, I know it’s unfinished, but the fourteenth chapter actually serves as a pretty nice ending. 

This is where it starts (M, 148.8k, 24 chapters) Aged up characters. The Party is in college and Will disappears again, but now it’s different. Mike knows he didn’t vanish from thin air, and the discovery he and the Party end up making is pretty insane. Mystery solving/fantasy/third dimension, throw in a bit of D&D and Mike realizing some shit, and you get this marvelous fic. It’s a breath of fresh air. The world building is definitely one of the elements that stands out the most, because it’s very nicely described, it sounds like a dream and it’s completely immersive. Absolute gem of a fic. 

there’s a Starman waiting in the sky (M, 30.6k, 8 chapters) Do I need to say anything? Will is out there living his best life and Mike realizes that wow, umm, maybe his best friend looks a bit too nice with that costume... and wait, is he getting horny? It’s actually really fun and sexy.

The Evening Speaks (T, 23k, 7 chapters) In where Mike is a late-night college radio host and Will is the art student that stays up till late to catch up with Wheeler on the Mic. They flirt through songs y’all, this one is really sweet. 

heads or tails? (E, 24k, 3 chapters) Aged up characters. I know most people don’t enjoy sex in fics and with specific characters but this one is insanely well written. It’s a slowburn that commits to the tension and with every word you are grasping and anticipating their next move. I think you can find the author here on Tumblr as yousaidyes🧡

The Man of Average (M, 56.7k, 5/? chapters) Aged up characters. No but you don’t understand, the writing here is absolute gourmet. The story is exciting as well, it’s super interesting. Weirdly enough, for being very aged up characters, they are well characterized but they don’t feel like teenagers. They are naturally Mike and Will. The author really captured Mike and Will’s essence. I know, it’s unfinished and it’s updated very rarely, but this is the typical fic you can’t believe someone just posted on the internet for free. I will say though, I think it’s definitely not for everyone. Read at your own risk.

Heartstrings (E, 82.8k, 24/? chapters) Aged up characters. By the same author of The Man of Average. A collection of memories, the road to Mike and Will’s happy ever after. And fucking hell!!!!! You’ll cry and get angry, you’ll cheer for them, then you’ll want to crash their faces together because god dammit you love each other!!! But yeah, same thing here. The writing and the way the story is laid out as a nonlinear narrative is brilliant. And I also think this is one of the best Will versions I’ve read. The author might as well be the og creator of this two characters tbh. You can find the author here as mylesimeblr🧡

Sinners behind the walls (T, 1.5k, 1/1) And because I can’t stop recommending this author, a little thing of Mike tormenting himself but also being too deeply committed to Will. 

The Red Envelope series (T/E, 167K, two completed works) Something happens that Will thought was impossible and from there, pure drama and romance. Anything by this author has the potential to become your absolute favorite fic, but this series in particular is amazing. I doubt that any of you haven’t read this, but it doesn’t hurt to put it in this list. I’m pretty sure the author is serendipitous-magic on Tumblr🧡

A New Fight series (T, 91k, two completed works, one WIP) And finally the Star Wars AU that we all needed. But this isn’t your typical “Mike is Han”, “Will is Leia” and “El is Luke”, it’s way more interesting than that, and the author has appropriated the Star Wars world like no other. I’ll admit I’m not a 100% fluent in SW lore but this is amazing to me either way. This author is also on Tumblr, tea-for-one-please🧡

- Yes, most of these are (if not all), in a way, canon compliant/canonverse/canon continuation into fanon. (In a way)

One-shots and short stories

Sundae for Two, Please (G, 4.8k) Steve being the supportive friend and older brother these kids collectively need. (not Jonathan erasure, we love him). Steve is very sweet himself, and this little cute thing through his POV is gorgeous. Yes, it’s byler.

Backstage (T, 10k, 2/2) Jonathan, you forgot to mention to Will how hot your new band’s guitarist is, dude. Now he’s hyperventilating and weirdly flirting with him in the corner. Background Stonathan because why not.

102 Peach Street (G, 3.8k) Established relationship, but not only that, they are married :’’))) PURE fluff. Extreme fluffiness. Diabetes. 

sweatshirts and bottled up feelings (T, 3.2k) Or, Mike thinks that the sweatshirt Will wears looks insanely good on him. And kitchens are for lovers. 

kiss it better (T, 16.3k) Basically one of the best character studies of a few precise moments of Mike and Will’s relationship and feelings. 

will wonders ever cease (T, 11.3k) #i ship will and happiness. Omfg what a beautiful piece of fanfic. Will centric, this kid really deserves all the good in the world.

The Calm After the Storm (T, 1.6k) Tooth rotting fluff, boyfriends in love. Boyfriends being lazy, cuddling, love words, kisses. Boys loving each other’s company... Basically, Mike and Will in their element. What more can you ask for?

neither of us ready to let go (T, 4.8k) That scene from season three, but a bit of a fix it. 

Still in love (G, 1k) Domestic, married life au fluff. Y’all, I’m a sucker for established Byler, even if I can’t find many fics with it. But this is very sweet. It takes place in 2020, but I don’t think there are any mentions of the COVID-19 crisis that I remember.

I Nver Find Out ‘Til I’m Head Over Heels (G, 12.5K) Classic 5+1 fic. If you haven’t read it, where have you been? This is your moment. In where Mike keeps inviting Will to the school dances and Will thinks it’s just a joke until he realizes it’s not. 

Before You’re Gone (T, 5.9k) Will is leaving Hawkins and Mike thinks this is a great moment for a confession. This one I discovered last friday, thank you friend @magicalfairy 💗

You’re weird Wheeler (M, 4.5k) Mike unintentionally starts a tradition of going to each other to talk about their sexual encounters just after they finish. Will keeps getting more explicit with the details he shares, and he makes his best friend interested. This one is really fun y’all.

Out-Of-Town Friends (N/R, 4.6K) It’s not rated. I haven’t re- read it but I’d say it would probably fall in a T rating. So cute!! Will has new friends and sneaks off every friday and the Party doesn’t know where he is going, so Mike decides to follow him and is surprised. 

Snowed Under (G, 1.3k) By the same author of The New Fight series. Mike is spending christmas by himself in college because a snowstorm hits Chicago and Nancy can’t drive to see him, but then he has a surprise visitor. Ahhh just a lil sweet holiday fic. Super cute. 

you love me anyway series (T, 7.1k, three completed works) Literally just the cutest thing ever. Established Byler. Will loves to take pictures and he loves taking pictures of Mike. It’s adorable. 

you wanna be friends forever (i can think of something better) (T, 9k) This one is so amazing. So. Amazing. From Will’s POV, my kid deserves the world and he gets it. 

okay not to be okay (T, 4.9k) Mike is a bit sad but then everything is okay. 

can’t hold out forever (G, 18.4k) Y’all!!!!! 5+1 sweetness. Mike has been falling in love since kindergarten. And it’s long af, you’ll enjoy it. 

even if it takes forever (G, 1.3k) College short AU, they miss each other, they love each other, they promise all to each other. It is sappy y’all.

clear as day (N/R, 18.4K, 4 chapters) It’s not rated, but I’d say it falls in the T category. Strangers to friends to lovers. And also, everyone is pretty gay; we have our dynamic trio Mike, Max and El as disaster lesbians (and gay). Will works at the library and he is also gay. Lucas and Dustin and Will are the best friends we needed. It’s very sweet and the Party is kind of formed here!

I went overboard with the one-shots, so you must have realized how much I love long one-shots and I favor them over long works lmao but they are all amazing!!! If it’s on this list, I probably read it at 2 am, sobbing in my bed. So. Hope you enjoy it☺️🧡

[sapphicbookclub]

Author Spotlight: Alyson Root

We're excited to bring you a guest post written by Alyson Root, author of A Dance Towards Forever. Keep reading to hear how her personal journey through life is reflected in the plot of her first book!

Hey, Alyson here (insert waving emoji) a new author fresh out of the writing closet. Not as scary as the last time I came out, but just as important to me. Anyway, I’m sitting here thrilled that I get to write something for the Sapphic Book Club. However, I suddenly find myself with a blank mind!

Argh, what should I write? What do you all want to read about? Me? My debut novel? Hell, I’ll tell you about both if you’re willing to sit and read what I write.

Ok a little about me first. I’m 36 and Aries, I like long walks on the beach and… I’m kidding, although I am 36 and an Aries. But, less of the bad dating profile and more of the serious stuff. I found writing at the grand old age of 30. I wish I could say it was something I always wanted to do, but that would be a lie.

Yes, I have always been a creative person. That runs in the family, but I’m also someone who has the attention span of a two-year-old at Christmas. Throughout my childhood and adolescence, I had loads of different hobbies, but none of them included writing. I could never focus on one thing long enough to decide if I loved it or not.

Fast forward to a time in my life where I could confidently call myself an adult (gross) and that’s when I fell head over heals in love with writing. Actually, it was my wife who encouraged me. I happened to mention that I fancied turning my hand to writing, and she went full cheerleader!

Six years is the time it took me to finish A Dance Towards Forever. That’s 72 months or 312 weeks of me sporadically writing nonsense until I had a lightbulb moment, deleted everything I’d written and then bashed out the entire book in five months.

Once the last word of the Epilogue had been written, I was overcome by pure joy because, after all my years on this awesome globe we call home, I’d finally found my passion. The thing that I loved and could focus on. Hopefully, that doesn't sound too dramatic or cliché!

Moving on… What else can I tell you about myself? Well, there are a few things woven into the storyline of A Dance Towards Forever that ring true to my life. I fell in love with a French woman and ended up moving to Paris. Just like my main character Sam, I am appalling at speaking the language and I have a best friend who swears like a sailor. Oh, and I am a massive sucker for love and romance.

Is that enough about me? Probably so I’ll switch to the book. Cue drumroll…

A Dance Towards Forever is my first book and something I am immensely proud of. Jeez, I can’t believe sometimes that I actually wrote an entire novel. At least I can cross one thing off my bucket list now.

Most of the story is set in Paris. At the time of the book's conception, I had just moved there from England. It was this magical city that held wonder and opportunity and it was where my girlfriend (now wife) was, so it was the perfect city in my eyes.

My life back then had changed so dramatically in just a few months that I wrote the book with that feeling in mind. I wanted my characters to go through that kind of life altering situation whilst falling in love because that’s what had happened to me.

I think it’s true that every author gives a bit of themselves to each of their books. I certainly did. To be honest, it was a bit like therapy writing parts of the story, especially the painful parts that I’d experienced myself.

Now the book is out in the world for others to read. That is both exciting and terrifying!

Ok, just so I don’t give myself a panic attack at the thought of people actually reading and judging the book, I’m going to give you some fun facts. Let’s lighten the mood.

First fun fact: I used Dolly Parton’s I will Always Love You because I love her and that song. Her voice is angelic and I would give my left arm to see her in concert.

Numero dos: Just like Sam, I met my best friend in school. Well, Sam met Charlie at university, but the premise is the same.

Trois: My favourite drink is Rum and Coke, but my wife has firmly pulled me over to the dark side. I drink wine now. I couldn’t tell you the difference between a cabernet and a merlot, but that’s ok. As long as I remember to drink a glass with cheese, I won't be cast out of France.

Finally number four: I’m still have a short attention span which is why I’m working on several books at the same time. Keeps things interesting though!

Hopefully I haven’t blathered on too much and you’ve enjoyed reading this. I, for one, am pleased as punch to have had the opportunity to write this piece.

Until the next time (insert another waving emoji)

Alyson

[spicyicymeloncat]

Okay Ninjago hot take

S8-S9 is a good season, but it’s got some flaws too…

Mostly I think the villains of this season are kinda lack lustre…

(Disclaimer I did enjoy the season and this post is all my speculation and opinions. It’s all for fun)

So s8-s9 try to put a spin (pun intended) on the main series by having the plot be notably darker and mature, I assume to keep up with the aging audience. We have a biker gang (the association with rebellious and counter culture teens), Harumi rebelling against the government which are also her parents, demonic cults, the romance drama with Lloyd and a proper dystopian setting touching on authority manipulation (Iron Baron), news manipulation (Ultra Violet’s show) and the important of faith. We have 3 characters die in the second episode. We literally have Wu grow up throughout the season, and the focus of Lloyd growing up. And this is really cool and well thought out!

I just think the villains were lacking in something. Not to be like “the other seasons were better” but I do think former villains worked well in ways that didn’t happen here. Maybe I just found them more charismatic idk. Like Pythor is downright creepy because he’s like, a cannibal. Chen is one of the best written villains because he’s like the joke character who is actually powerful but villain form. His silly ness, combined with the fact that he STILL had everyone in the palm of his hand, makes him a good villain because you feel you’ve greatly underestimated him. Also he funny. Him and Clouse have such a good dynamic. Morro is also iconic because of his connection to Wu. Heck I think Nadakhan and the Time Twins were decent. Nadakhan had a unique style of villainy and I also liked the twins dynamic, although they are a little generic. (The overlord is boring we don’t talk about him, there’s a reason cryptor was in DotD and not him).

My problem with the SoG, is that most of them are undeveloped, and Harumi could’ve been more. I think the standards are higher because s8 really sets the tone that things will be darker. But Killow, is just the strong one, and Ultra Violet is just crazy, which would be cool if it wasn’t her only character trait. At least Mr E gets an excuse because he’s a mystery, and generally he played a more prominent role. The characters don’t seem to have much of a relationship with each other and we don’t even know why any of them joined a demon biker cult gang, or why they like Garmadon (save for Harumi).

And Harumi. Wow. So while she does have one of the darker backstories, idk it still feels tame in spite of the season. I think it’s cool her story links to the start of the season, her hate for the ninja isn’t reasonable. Like they were trying their dang hardest to kill that snake, and Lloyd was her age when it happened. Why does she want to resurrect an evil Garmadon when the Garmadon who defeated the Devourer did it out of good. She resurrected a Garmadon who didn’t care for his family when the familial side of him seems to be the only appeal for her. And like, yeah the royal family didn’t seem too fun, but like at least she was adopted, especially by rich people. If she was anti- the emperor then why’d she bring back a worse one? I mean I feel like they could have capitalised more on the ninja’s found family vs Harumi’s “for the publicity” family. I think her story isn’t tragic enough considering how casually dark Ninjago has been so far. Like it’s not dark enough to make up for the fact that her motives barely make sense. Harumi has trauma and a cool aesthetic but she doesn’t make much sense and her redemption felt rushed.

Speaking of her redemption, why did Garmadon care so much when she died. Wasn’t the point of him to be heartless. Because it honestly felt like he was a new born baby rather than the embodiment of darkness. Idk I just can’t believe Harumi got special treatment ig, my man Garmadon rlly enabled her toxic behaviour. Idk I think maybe it’s just that actual Garmadon was a pretty rational being, and this one feels like he came straight out of Harumi’s self insert fanfic. Idk idk.

Another thing but did anyone else not understand why Lloyd crushed on Harumi in the first place. I’m sorry but Lloyd “if I see one girl in here I’m gonna go ballistic” Montgomery Garmadon? I’m sorry this kid grew up surrounded crazy relationship drama. Firstly his mum managed to marry evil incarnate, then Jay and Cole fight over Nya, which ends up getting so bad that it contributed to the post s3 split of the ninja, also Zane’s girlfriend initially tried to kill him, Kai’s crush was originally evil, and then he found out that Garmadon had lied in order to date Misako! Like idk about Lloyd but I would consider not dating anyone in Ninjago! Tbh it would’ve made more sense if Lloyd fell in love with Harumi AFTER she revealed herself to be evil, because everyone around him DID date evil.

I think it would’ve been cool if the SoG did actually treat each other as family, maybe they were all orphans together at some point, and created a support network between themselves. It would certainly check out for Harumi and Mr E (assuming he IS echo zane) as they are both orphans. Them treating each other as family, being comfortable around each other, having caring sides to give them more dimension might be a shout. Now idk how to change the whole “why does Harumi like Garmadon of all people” other than she’s crazy (which ig is true for the show, perhaps they could’ve shown her be more unhinged). But I do feel like Garmadon doesn’t need to care for Harumi, because he has no capacity for empathy anymore. We can still have the scene where she’s like “I’ll be your daughter”, but later on when he accidentally kills her he’s just like “I’ve spent years trying to kill my family, it kinda comes with the job”. I also think Harumi’s death was rushed, like suddenly now she grows a conscience? If she was crazy but then watched her found family slowly die, then I feel like that gives her more of a reason to turn her back on the whole Garmadon thing.

So I’m gonna post a bunch of headcanons / rewrite / glorified fanfic ideas that I came up with so I can personally make peace with these seasons (jus my opinions tho)(some of them contradict the books and I’m aware)

Sons of Garmadon headcanons

Alternative Lloyd/Harumi plotline

[joseispiral]

BAD BOYS WITH DEATH DRIVES (Mars)

by Fuyumi Soryo | 15 chapters | 1996-2000

8.5/10

I’m sick of all these shoujo schoolgirl romances that aren’t willing to make their “bad boy” archetypes actually bad: dangerously violent, traumatized, panic attack-prone motorcycle racers. I think that’s the best way to describe the male love interest of Mars, Rei Kashino, a daredevil who is psychologically haunted by his twin brother’s suicide three years before. Then there’s Kira Asou, a quiet and closed-off artist loner carrying her own trauma from sexual assault. When the two begin an unlikely romance they slowly learn and grow together. Sometimes they mess up and hurt each other along the way, but the key trait of their relationship is how they manage to change each other, and change together. 

It’s surprising how many shoujo series take the idea of change and growth at a superficial level, or just allow relationship dynamics to fall into lazy tropes and patterns for comfort/amusement. Which is weird because the shoujo genre mostly consists of high school romances, and isn’t adolescence defined by transformation? Mars, on the other hand, understands this and takes it to heart - Fuyumi Soryo never shies away away from the discomfort that comes with growing maturity. She’s written characters here that are desperate and sensitive and cunning; who understand that if they don’t adapt, they won’t survive. 

Soryo’s panels descend hazily into cascading vignettes. The emphasis on verticality gives the effect of a heart dropping in its chest, adding to the serious tone maintained throughout the entirety of the manga. The gravity of drama is also emphasized by the sparse internal narration from Kira. Sometimes we get a few short lines of thoughts she’s having, but most of the time her emotions are conveyed through flashbacks or just frames that show nothing but her eyes (the artist looking on attentively). The emotional beats and body language are reminiscent of Joanna Newsom’s “It Does Not Suffice”: I have gotten into / Some terrible trouble / Beneath your blank and rinsing gaze...

As for the dialogue, the characters are refreshingly articulate about their feelings and speak with a lucidity that prevents Mars from ever feeling juvenile or trite or too “loud”. Just like Kira’s character, there’s a quiet restraint to the storytelling that develops from the tight linework and intense storytelling.

As a result, I was pleasantly shocked at how believably this manga treats trauma. I never felt like I was being hit over the head with obvious emotional notes. It really delves into the complications of grief and guilt as we’re let in to each character’s particular struggle. In one sequence shown below, snatches of violent memory are interweaved with expressions of a physical intimacy: In an expert handling of the panel form, a moment that should be tender and loving fractures in the prism of Kira’s mind.

Mars isn’t afraid to stray from moral questions, either. Characters are often preoccupied with “good” and “bad”, punishing themselves or confessing to violence or mean-spirited responses to the trials and tribulations of life. These issues seem to haunt Rei in particular as he attempts to balance his recklessness and dark past with his love for Kira. Rei’s struggle with his own moral flaws draw in the reader just as it draws in Kira’s gaze. Subconscious thoughts threaten the hope for a better life as dangerously as Rei’s motorbike tearing through the racetrack.

Rei (to Kira): When you look at me like that, I really can’t stand it. I keep thinking that one day you’re going to look at me the same way Sei and my father did. My father’s eyes...so full of hatred, but scared, too. He doesn’t think of me as another human being... those eyes deny everything about me. When someone looks at me like that, I don’t know what I am anymore. I don’t know who I am anymore. 

(Mars, Volume 7)

Despite how serious the subject matter gets, Mars is ultimately about two kids who are hurt and trying their best to do right by each other. Soryo balances realism and melodrama as she creates an all-consuming vortex that is the central romance of Mars. It’s the kind of romance only adolescent minds can get caught in: So entwined that they need each other to stay upright and so soft they they change in response to the other’s every move. You really feel the depth and power of that vortex...maybe the kids are going to be alright.

Rei: A long time ago, when [Shiori] or Sei would cry, I really wanted to do something. But...

When Kira cries... I just... don’t know what to do. It makes me want to cry, too.

(Mars, Volume 5)

P.S. Why do I like older mangas so much? I’m noticing my bias. Something about the specificity of the anatomy, the stylishness, the line quality really creates a warm feeling for me. Also, Fuyumi Soryo is making eyebrows that are bushier on the sides hot again, and for that I must thank her a thousand times.

[iamnmbr3]

Can I sign up for a Disney- Service where I pay them not to put out any type of new content or interviews? Bc wow I am tired of this show and I’m tired of Mike Waldron shooting his mouth off and spewing grossness. But here we go again. He’s given another interview and I am once again left wondering why Disney had to hire him and not...literally anyone else. Like if they just grabbed a rando off the street it couldn’t have been any worse and statistically it probably would’ve been a lot better. 

"I knew that I wanted to position somebody opposite Tom, opposite Tom's Loki, who had the same energy in a way, but also a totally different energy, that female energy”

Female energy??? Can someone please tell Mike that "girl" isn't a personality trait. Remember when I talked about how Sylvie isn’t a good female character because she’s physically strong but not strongly written? Remember when I talked about how she’s an empty “strong female character TM” who is a woman first and a human second because she’s not a good character who happens to be female but rather a character whose defining and only personality trait is her gender? Yeah.

"But it's one thing, I guess, to be narcissistic and to think you're great and everything, it's another thing to really believe that, to project that outwardly. It's another thing to really believe that and to actually practice self-love and everything. So if the show is about Loki falling for Sylvie a little bit, the hope was always that maybe that it's also about him learning to forgive himself." 

What. No really. WHAT. Mike’s pathetic attempts to justify his ridiculously bad romance and also pretend like he didn’t straight up lie to us about Loki learning self love are hilarious. this makes NO sense. huh???? This is just a really bad attempt at damage control. Loki doesn’t learn self love. He never says anything positive about himself. The show frames him internalizing other’s harmful messages about him like that he is a villain and a pathetic loser as something positive. What has he learned to love about himself? Mike has yet to be able to name one positive trait he has. His hatred for Loki is so obvious. And how is loving Sylvie him forgiving himself???? she didn't do any of the things he did???? This makes ZERO sense.

"He is just a character who doesn't like to self reflect, and would rather pontificate, and would rather scheme, because he's good at it, because he's very clever. "

Really? He would rather pontificate? Another comment that seems to indicate that Mike really didn’t watch Thor 2011. Remember how the opening scenes established how SILENT Loki is and how he is constantly spoken over? That’s a big part of his other and victim coding. The way Mike constantly shames Loki for speaking is very disturbing given the way Loki is Other coded. And also given the fact that he is now canonically queer. Why must the Other be silenced??? 

“And when faced with an actual mirror of himself, he sees things that are attractive and that he empathizes with. He also sees things that are broken and wounded, and it helps him understand those very things in his own psyche" 

Wrong. But also? Where? Where is that in the show??? This never happened. He’s just lying here.

"I mean, he has done terrible things. That was part of the work that the first episode had to do, was hold him accountable for that, sort of lay him bare and everything. And the journey that he's been on has been one of reckoning with that. Is it possible to atone for that? I think Loki's still trying to figure that out."

Terrible things? Huh. Kinda like Thor. Remember when he slaughtered all those Jotnar while laughing (which was considered totally acceptable in his culture)? Remember when Odin slaughtered and enslaved thousands? Remember when Loki was motivated by trying to PREVENT a war? And. Remember when Loki was captured and TORTURED by Thanos? Also. The first episode didn't do that. The first episode was about things he hadn't done bc it was him seeing his future. AND FURTHERMORE the TVA can't hold him accountable bc if what Loki did was bad then the TVA has no moral high ground bc what they did was orders of magnitude worse. And if what the TVA did was ok then Loki didn't do anything wrong. Why does the TVA get a pass for their horrific acts of evil???

"I think, for me, that's one of the most important scenes in the show because this is a guy who has been driven by glorious purpose, by the feeling that everything he does is in the service of his grand destiny."    

So Mike really just watched that glorious purpose clip and decided it was Loki’s whole motivation huh? What an idiot. So much for the Loki Lectures. Obviously this guy was asleep during them and didn’t bother to watch Thor 2011 either. You know, the movie all about Loki’s backstory and motivations. Guess he also missed the fact that Loki is LITERALLY KNEELING when he comes through the portal and looks awful bc he’s just been tortured is very obviously repeating the stuff Thanos told him while breaking him. Loki is not motivated by believing in a glorious purpose. He cries when Thor tells him to look at the destruction in Avengers. 

And in Thor 2011 he is motivated by wanting to avert a war and also more deeply by his desire for love and validation. He never wanted the throne. He wanted to be Thor’s equal. He has a mental breakdown and tries to kill himself when he comes to believe that he is inherently monstrous and that he can never earn his family’s love. LOKI IS DEFINED BY HIS LACK OF SELF ESTEEM AND HIS SELF HATRED! That is. The opposite of what Mike has said. Also Mike contradicts himself. Is Loki someone who is arrogant and needs to learn his purpose isn’t glorious or is he someone who needs to learn self love? It can’t be both. What a disgusting, victim blaming, abuse apologist lying hack.  

“In that moment, he sees that no, it was his destiny to get his neck snapped by the bad guy he was working for"

Excuse me? Working for??? Loki never went back to Thanos. He died sacrificing himself to save Thor. WTF!!!?!?

[criminalmindzjunkie]

Unlucky in Love

masterlist

Gif credit to @ogledalo-moje-duse​

Summary: Spencer is unlucky in love - until he isn’t.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warnings: swearing, some suggestive content

Word Count: 3.4k

           Spencer Reid is, by most people���s definition, unlucky in love.

           It wasn’t for lack of trying. In his early twenties, Spencer often caught himself fantasizing about being on the receiving end of some great storybook romance straight out of one of the classic novels on his bookshelf. On the rare occurrence where his mind was able to slow down long enough, Spencer would daydream about what his future partner would be like. Would they share his fondness for the written word, or his penchant for foreign cinema? Would they find his tendency to go off on tangents endearing and his less than fashionable style of dress charming? Spencer liked to think so, but the likelihood of finding someone who could accept him despite all of his quirks seemed low.

           But still he hoped, even though he knew hope was a dangerous thing. Hope gave life to the possibility of disappointment – and if there was one thing Spencer did not need more of, it was that.

           Spencer Reid was in love with the idea of love – obsessed with the idea of his soul intertwining with someone else’s. But with his thirtieth birthday quickly approaching and absolutely no prospective love interests in sight, Spencer was feeling more than a little disheartened. It certainly didn’t help that everywhere he turned, love was running rampant. Hotch had Beth, Penelope had Kevin, Jennifer had Will, and Morgan had… any number of possible partners. Emily and Rossi were both unattached, but happily so in a way that Spencer just couldn’t quite manage.

           It wasn’t that he didn’t like seeing the people around him happy – it was just that he couldn’t help but wonder when he’d finally get his chance at love.

           A month before Spencer’s thirtieth birthday, everything changes.

           When a member of Garcia’s victims’ support group goes missing, it’s all hands on deck at the BAU. It’s not that they’d give any less than one hundred percent on any other given day, but as with any case that hits close to home, everyone on the team is in a frenzy trying to put the pieces together. The thing that makes this case different is the fact that people from other departments are quick to lend a hand. It comes as no surprise to Spencer – Penelope is a social butterfly by nature. She made it her business to know and befriend everyone in the building. Her sunny disposition is hard not to love, and her current distress had garnered the support of more than a few non-team members.

           By the time the case wraps up, the bullpen is much busier and, much to Spencer’s chagrin, much louder than usual. The steady influx of people has Spencer’s head spinning and he can’t seem to focus on the papers sitting in front of him. What should take him thirty seconds to read has almost taken twenty minutes, and at this point the words on the paper are all running together. Spencer knows that it doesn’t help that he’s running on less than three hours of sleep, as evidenced by the frequency of his yawns. Worse even is the fact that his coffee cup is empty and no, he thinks, that simply will not do. With a sigh Spencer pushes away from his desk, bones creaking as he stands.

           With his coffee cup in hand, Spencer shuffles to the breakroom. He goes through the motions of preparing his drink, lazily stirring in the mountain of sugar before turning to leave.

           Spencer supposes that if it weren’t for the fact that he was horribly sleep deprived, he would’ve seen you walking down the hallway. But alas, Spencer’s alertness had been compromised by poor sleeping habits, and he isn’t aware of your presence until his body is colliding with yours and his hot coffee is dripping down the front of your blouse.

           “Ouch,” you whimper, and Spencer is immediately overwhelmed with guilt.

           “O-Oh my God, I am so sorry,” he splutters. Without waiting for a response, Spencer’s rushing into the break room and procuring a thick stack of napkins. The part of his brain that controls logical thinking is apparently overrun by the onset of his mortification, and in an act of absolutely panic, he begins to dab at the stains with one of the napkins.

           “I-I wasn’t looking where I was going. I’m so so sorry,” Spencer stutters out, frantically attempting to blot the stain. “I’ll give you money for a new shirt. A-Actually, you should probably take this one off.  The best way to treat scalds is to immediately get the person away from the heat source. You should also run some cold water over it.”

           In his hurry to rectify his mistake, Spencer hadn’t managed to take a good look at you. When his eyes leave the stain in favor of looking at your face, he prepares himself to see anger there. What he doesn’t expect is for your face to be just as flushed as his, with eye brows raised in shock.

          Spencer also doesn’t expect this to be the moment he’s been waiting on his entire life, but one look into your eyes tells him this is it - this is your person.

           Stunned into a stupor, Spencer stills, eyes boring into your own. You’re even more beautiful than he’d dared to let himself imagine, but in all honesty that didn’t matter much. What matters is the fact that there’s a faint hint of smile lines etched into your skin, and your eyes are so inherently kind that Spencer has no doubt that you’re as gentle as you are alluring. Your benevolence is also evidenced by the fact that you hadn’t immediately begun to yell at him, and for that he is thankful.

           Spencer’s revelation renders him unable to form any semblance of thought, and before he knows it almost a solid minute of him gaping at you passes. You begin to squirm uncomfortably under his gaze.

           “I, uh, appreciate the help, and you seem like a nice enough guy, but your hand is on my boob and I kind of make it a point to not let strangers touch the goods. So, if you don’t mind,” you stammer, looking pointedly at his hand that is still pressing a napkin to your chest. Spencer recoils as if he’s the one that’s been scalded.

           “I-I didn’t mean to, um, t-touch your -,” Spencer gulps, “- chest. I swear I was just trying to get the stain out. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” he chokes out. Spencer had imagined the moment he’d come face to face with his person a million times, and none of his daydreams had accounted for the possibility of him giving her second degree burns and inadvertently copping a feel. His emotions fell somewhere between mortification and elation.

           “Mm likely story,” you murmur, lips upturning into a smile that has Spencer feeling weak in the knees. Spencer practically swoons. “Do you make it a habit to ask strangers to take their tops off, or am I just special?”

           Oh God, had I really suggested that? Spencer cringes and wonders what good an IQ as high as his was when it seemed to fail him at times like these. Speaking to women had never been a specialty of his, despite Derek’s coaching, and Spencer was floundering to come up with an acceptable response.

           You are the most special woman in the world, probably. Nope – too creepy, and Spencer definitely doesn’t want to scare you off. Not when he’s been waiting the better part of thirty years to meet you.

           I didn’t mean to insinuate that you should take off your shirt, but I also wouldn’t particularly mind if you did. Even worse – that would certainly earn him a stern talking to from HR.

           Spencer decides to go for the honest approach.

           “I-I’m not sure how to answer that.”

           His honesty draws a laugh from you, and Spencer loves the sound so much that he decides then that he’ll never tell a lie again. You shake your head at him and reach for the napkins that he still has clutched in his hands.

           “What’s your name?” you ask him as you continue his earlier efforts to sop up the coffee.

           It’s probably the easiest question he’s ever been asked. That doesn’t stop him from making a fool out of himself, though.

           “I’m Doctor Spencer R-Reid. Uh, I’m Spencer. Y-You don’t have to call me Doctor.”

           Someone please put me out of my misery.

           Your eyes meet his again and he can tell that you’re holding back a laugh.

           “Okay, then, Spencer,” you say as you discard the napkins in a nearby trash bin. “I’m Y/N.” You punctuate your words with an outstretched hand, and before Spencer can think better of it, the usual spiel come tumbling out of his mouth.

           “The number of pathogens passed during a handshake is staggering. It’s actually safer to kiss.”

           Your lower your hand and cock your head to the side.

           “Are you always this forward, Doctor Reid?” you tease him, eyes flashing amusedly.

           “I-I didn’t mean that we should kiss,” Spencer interjects, cringing at the way his voice has suddenly raised in pitch. “N-Not that I wouldn’t kiss you! I-I’m sure that kissing you would be really n-nice. I just meant that… you know. Germs.”

           Are you there, God? It’s me, Spencer. A hole opening up in the ground and swallowing me up would be great.

           To Spencer’s delight, you don’t seem offended in the slightest.

           “I cannot believe that they’ve been hiding you up here, Spencer Reid. I should’ve come to visit Penny years ago.”

           Wait – what?

           “You work here?”

           You nod.

           “I work on the floor below this one – sex crimes,” you explain.

           “For how long?”

           “Coming up on three years now.”

           Three years. You’d been right under Spencer’s nose for three years and he hadn’t the slightest clue. You’d parked your car in the same parking garage and taken the same elevator as he! How many times had your paths nearly crossed in the last three years? If he’d been just a little bit earlier or a little bit later getting into work, might the two of you met earlier? The possibility of it was maddening.

           “Oh, wow. I-I’ve never seen you,” Spencer mutters lamely. But miraculously, you don’t think he’s lame, if your response is any indication.

           “Nor I you, Doc. It’s a shame, too. You’re a funny guy.”

           Spencer Reid has been called a lot of things in his lifetime – funny was never one of them.

           “Y-Yeah. I’m a real riot at parties,” he deadpans.            “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind,” you hum, and Spencer really hopes that you mean it. “Would you mind escorting me to Penelope’s office?”

           Spencer nods, and the two of you fall in step together. Spencer’s wracking his brain again for something – anything- he could say to fill the silence. Thankfully, you don’t seem quite as inept at conversing as he, and you beat him to it.

           “You look a little young yourself, Spencer. How long have you worked here?”

           “Uh, I’ve actually worked here for almost eight years. I started when I was twenty-two.”

           Your eyebrows raise in shock.

           “Twenty-two, huh? That makes you – what? Thirty now? I wouldn’t put you a day past twenty-five,” you muse, and Spencer isn’t quite sure what to make of that. You must pick up on the conflicted look on his face, because you clarify. “That’s a good thing, Doc. I hope I look as good as you do when I’m thirty.”

           Spencer has to remind himself how to breathe.

           “I’m not thirty yet. Technically I have twenty-three more days. I could have a rapid decline in attractiveness by then.”

           Spencer’s not usually one to try to be funny, but she seems to have a good sense of humor and he wants to impress you in any way he can.

           “I guess I’ll have to swing back by in twenty-three days and find out.”

           The two of you come to a stop in front of Penelope’s office and Spencer tries not to look as disappointed as he feels. He doesn’t want your meeting to come to an end – not when there’s so much about you that he wants to know. He wants to ask about your opinion on books and obscure foreign films and most importantly, Spencer wants to know what you think about him. Did meeting him affect you in the same way it did him? Did you secretly wish to make this moment last, too?

           Spencer wants to say so much, but he can’t. He’s too awkward and too scared and too nervous to find the right words. So instead, he gives you a tight-lipped smile.

           “I’m sorry about your blouse. Can I please give you the money to buy a new one? I feel like it’s the least I can do.”

           “Absolutely not. It’s really not that big of a deal. Didn’t even really care for the shirt, if I’m being honest. Red really isn’t my color.”

           Spencer wants to tell you how wrong you are – that he’s infinitely certain that you’d look irresistible in any color – but he doesn’t.

           You reach for the door knob, and Spencer’s shoulders slump.

           “It was nice meeting you, Spencer.”

           And then you’re gone, and Spencer can’t help but think that he royally fucked up the most important introduction of his entire life.

--

           When Spencer envisioned how his life would look at age thirty, he’d imagined it being a lot different than it is now. He’d hoped to use his intelligence for something great – finding a way to cure Alzheimer’s had been his main aspiration. Yet, here he was, thirty years old with nothing more than three PhDs to his name. He’d accomplished nothing of great significance, and the idea of having wasted his intelligence was eating away at him.

           In short, Spencer Reid was in a bit of a funk.

           It didn’t help that he hadn’t seen you since that fateful day in the bullpen. Spencer had contemplated paying you a visit, but the lingering embarrassment over his actions kept him from reaching out. He didn’t think he could handle how badly a rejection from you would hurt, so instead he sulked around the office and wallowed in his own self-deprecation.

           Spencer’s birthday wasn’t something he tended to advertise. From a young age, he’d chosen to observe it silently. Usually, his mother would forget, and he never really had any friends to celebrate with, so the day was always rather unimportant to him. Perhaps he would order takeout and gorge himself on greasy food while he sat alone in his apartment. It had been good enough for him last year, and he supposed it would have to suffice this year as well.

           He made it a point not to mention it to his coworkers, and the day passed by just as any other day. By the time five o clock rolled around, Spencer was waving a goodbye to his coworkers and heading out the door. As he waits for the elevator, he debates on whether to order Thai food or pizza for dinner.

           Just as he settles on Thai, the elevator doors open.

           “Oh, thank God, I was worried that you had left already!”

           Before Spencer can get over the initial shock of seeing you, you’re stepping out of the elevator and into his space, an excited smile on your lips. And then you’re holding out your hand, and Spencer’s almost moved to tears when he sees you wielding a single chocolate cupcake.

           “I wasn’t sure if you’d like chocolate or vanilla better, so I went with my gut. I get the feeling you’re a chocolate kind of guy,” you say, eyes shining as you look up at him. “So, was I right?”

           “You brought this for me?” Spencer asks, voice barely above a whisper. He can’t fathom it – that you had spared him any thought past your initial meeting. Spencer had surely expected you to forget about him entirely. Either that, or you’d written him off as someone to be avoided.

           You nod.

           “Of course, I did. It’s your birthday. Everyone deserves something sweet on their birthday.” You pause, the smile dropping from your face. “It is your birthday, right? I didn’t miss it, did I?”

           Spencer is slow to shake his head.

           “N-No, you didn’t miss it. I’m just surprised you remembered.”

           You chuckled softly.

           “You’re very unforgettable, Doctor Reid,” you say, and Spencer’s heart flutters in his chest. “And you didn’t answer my question.” You gesture to the cupcake expectantly.

           “Chocolate is my favorite,” Spencer breathes out, raising a shaky hand and taking it from her. “I… Thank you. You didn’t have to do this. It’s not that big of a deal.”

           “Are you kidding me? You’re turning thirty. That’s a very big deal, Doc.,” you argue, and Spencer gives you a tentative smile.

           “If you say so.”

           “I do,” you smirk, before hitting the button to open the elevator doors. “So, do you have any big plans to celebrate?”

           The doors open and you and Spencer file into the elevator together– an event three years in the making.

           “Not really. I was just going to order some food and stay in,” Spencer says before taking a bite of the cupcake. It tastes wonderful – better than a store-bought cupcake could ever be. This cupcake was undoubtably made from scratch, and the thought of you taking the time out of your day to bake something for him makes him feel weak at the knees. Pair that with the way you’re looking up at him and Spencer worries he might collapse.

           “What kind of food?”

           “Thai,” Spencer says around the mouthful of cake.

           “Mm,” you hum. “You know – I happen to love Thai food. And I also happen to not have any plans for the evening.”

           Even Spencer, who struggles to decipher the simplest of social cues, can deduce that you are insinuating that you want to spend the evening with him. He’s thankful, then, that he had already swallowed the bite of cupcake, because there’s no doubt in his mind that he’d have choked on it. Spencer gapes at you, but your gaze is unwavering and your body language gives no indication that you were joking.

           “D-Do… Do you want to, uh, come over?” Spencer trips over his words more times than any grown man should, but in his defense, he isn’t exactly well versed in matters like this.

           “Do you want me to come over?”

           “Yes.” Spencer answers so quickly that it should be embarrassing, but it’s hard to feel anything but happy when you’re looking at him like that.

           “Then in that case, I thought you’d never ask,” you sigh dramatically, and then the door opens up and you link your arm with his. “You know, I was beginning to think I’d never see you again. I’ve been driving Penelope crazy asking about you, Doc.”

           “You’ve been asking about me?” Spencer asks, incredulous.

           “Absolutely. It’s not every day that you meet a guy who has the audacity to feel you up and ask you to undress within the first five minutes. I just had to know more,” you tease, and Spencer can’t help but laugh. Despite the cold air of the parking garage, Spencer feels warm – warmer than he’s ever felt and he knows that it has everything to do with the way you’ve pressed yourself against his side.

           “In that case, I’m very glad I spilled my coffee on you,” Spencer says and you let out a snort.

           “Yeah, I could’ve done without that part. And the part where you called me germy.”

           “I did not mean it like that,” Spencer insists. You hum and detach yourself from him, and Spencer instantly misses the contact.

           “Because it’s your birthday, I’ll let you off the hook,” you announce, making your way to the other side of his car, all while never taking your eyes off him. “And if you’re lucky, birthday boy, I might just be willing to test that theory of yours.”

           Spencer cocks his head to the side.

           “Theory?”

           You nod, and the smile that creeps across your face is the best birthday present he’s ever gotten.

           “You said you thought kissing me would be nice. I think we should find out.”

           Spencer Reid is, by most people’s definition, unlucky in love. But as he steals glances at you on the way to his apartment, his chest swells with a hope that maybe – just maybe – his luck is about to change.