#i can’t be this down bad right now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

anchoeritic · 2 years ago

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kells please lemme kiss you and you have such pretty eyes like? god you sure girls around you are good? I would literally melt if you be looking at me

nonnie pls you have me like this right now. i’m melting into a puddle of hot pink glitter. 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠‼️‼️

#IM AAAAAAA #MYEYES #stop #i can’t be this down bad right now #guys #look away #im Like #giggling #like a maniac #જ⁀➴ mail: received

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rarilight · 5 months ago

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one day I’m actually going to grab everything I went through last year and pour it into a raritwi breakup fic where they don’t get back together and I don’t do my usual thing where I hint there’s hope for them

And I think that will probably be a very emotional and good fic but also it’ll probably be incredibly crushing more than anything Ive ever done so honestly maybe we should all be grateful I haven’t written it yet

#I’ve been listening to JP Saxe’s ‘A Little Bit Yours’#and i can feel it clawing at me #‘all i do is get over you and I’m so bad at it’#‘maybe if I’d said the right things it never would have gone this way’#‘but maybe that’s the problem cause I still kinda think it was up to me’#‘when I never could have made you stay’#rarity moves away from ponyville because everything is twilight #and she sees twilight just lock it out block it out put it away in a box and move on #and rarity can’t #and she tries #and tries #and a thousand miles away #in the dark of the night #the silence staring her down #she has to live with the idea that twilight got over her like that #that twilight probably already let go long long ago #and yet rarity is there knowing still she’d kill if twilight asked her to #and there’s no victory in that #no poetry or muse #no beauty #it’s just sad and pathetic and a masochism and so self centered #to cling to the hope that twilight still loves her or needs her when she knows it’s not true and it never will be #and the element of generosity wonders when her core got twisted #when generosity and caring and giving became erasing yourself for some pony else #and maybe one day it’ll stop #maybe one day she’ll be fine #but for now #she quietly makes peace with a simple fact #that even if twilight sparkle isn’t hers anymore and never will be again #at least for now rarity is still a little bit twilight’s

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rodspace · 2 months ago

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Chelsie is down real bad for Cam. Time to stand up sister. I’ve been there before so I really get it but it time to start loving yourself

#Honestly I get it cause I’m down bad for someone I can’t be with right now so the struggle be real 😭#bb26

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shima-draws · 5 months ago

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Been having a rough couple of days. Send me asks?

#Long story short: I’m quitting my job! Yippee!! 🎉#Don’t wanna get TOO into it but I’m so fucking tired of being treated like shit and getting blamed for things completely out of my control #I’m done. I’ve BEEN done for months at this point #And now it’s at the point where my boss doesn’t think I’m doing my job right bc she keeps finding issues that again. Aren’t my fault #I’m sorry I can’t control everything for you! I don’t have that kind of power! I can’t make things magically happen the way you want!!#My other coworkers have been undergoing the same bullshit treatment so I know I’m not alone #But yeah I’m getting the hell out of dodge. My mental health has been sooooooo bad lately #I cannae. I’m going to end up dead in a ditch at this rate #Had the WORST panic attack of my life yesterday and my mom and I were both like. Yeah. It’s time for you to leave #Have fun running the department without me! Bye!! :)))))#Shima speaks #Vent #Anyway I’m a goddamn mess. Sorry. Lol!#I’m dreading going back to work on Monday I would literally rather claw my own eyeballs out #It SUCKS bc I know none of this is my fault but I still feel like shit anyway.#And I WANT to draw bc it’s the one thing that makes me happy but I just #Can’t. Right now. I’m not in a good emotional state #It feels like physical torture to sit down at my desk and put my pen to my tablet #Slams my head into the wall #I’m soooo tired girlies. I’m so over it #Anyway. Send me asks. Keep me company while I try not to have another breakdown. Tee hee <3

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camgoloud · 7 months ago

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you ever just. become overwhelmed by a sudden out-of-nowhere wave of tenderness and affection and longing for reconnection directed towards someone to whom you no longer speak for Very Good Reasons

#‘out of nowhere’ she says like she hasn’t been doing a lot of reading/thinking recently about various tragic messy breakups #and the later regrets of the parties involved #anyway. tell me not to text her #it’s been over two years since the last time we talked… absolutely no reason to break that streak now. lord give me strength #she was really fucking mean to me! like objectively intentionally unwarrantedly cruel! it ruined an entire year of my life #and fundamentally changed me as a person on a deep level! there’s a lot of things i used to like about myself that i don’t think i’m ever #going to get back #and yet every once in a while we have to do the whole ‘maybe i could make things right’ song and dance 😔#the thing is most of the time i’m not even really angry with her anymore like enough time has passed since all the shit went down that #really i just sort of look at her behavior and feel sad. both because of the impact on me but also because of the ‘that’s really how you #felt you needed to act towards someone who cared about you? you couldn’t have just expressed your feelings in an honest and productive way #instead of just lashing out in the cruelest possible way and ruining the entire relationship beyond hope of repair?’#and i feel bad and sorry that it went that way and honestly i kind of pity her and hope she’s gotten some of her shit worked out #so i’m not like. actively pissed off at her anymore. but also i can’t think about her without thinking about the worst year of my life so 🙃#i don’t actually feel that trying to reopen that door would be very healthy for me at least #we did try a Reconciliation of sorts a couple of months after the initial falling-out and while it was kind of helpful for me in that she #like. apologized lmao. and affirmed that i wasn’t crazy and she did in fact On Purpose say the most hurtful things she possibly could have #said to me given the information she had at her disposal. and that i really had not done anything to her that could warrant that. etc.#it also left a sour enough taste in my mouth that i just don’t see a future where the two of us spending time together is enjoyable for me #and yet… the regret will always live inside me i think. maybe if i were a stronger person…#caseyposting

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aeolianblues · 24 days ago

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it is literally not about legality, if you’re in your late 30s literally what are you hitting up 21 y/os for. Don’t you have investments to make.

#Astonishing number of people will jump on the ‘but it’s technically legal!’ defence #But will not answer my question of whyyyyyy. If your date sounds like PTA night and you need to parent your girlfriend #you have an age gap! And! You are the lamest loser on earth; that is fact; hope this helps!!#(Okay. Lowkey? I shouldn’t be thinking about this STILL. Given it’s been like a MONTH since #But I feel a lil let down and betrayed and I think I’m still kinda processing that… but I #I confided in my bestestest friend that an older man was creeping on me. And I expected her to have my back 100%#And idk— I think she’s just had worse experiences with men and has a higher tolerance to bad behaviour than I an asexual person do #But her response was along the lines of ‘you’re an adult; there’s no problem with it really;#can’t blame him for shooting his shot; it’s not really a weird age gap’#And worst of all— ‘maybe he just has an age kink; maybe he gets off on you being younger’#I have to say. I don’t care. The point is that I discouraged it several times and was getting increasingly uncomfortable with it #I feel like in that situation the thing to do is side with me especially when I’m telling you all this.#And like. Sigh i don’t know. I still love her with all my heart but it’s feeling a lil awkward rn #I’m still thinking about that and obviously I don’t want it to ruin the best friendship I’ve ever had #But it’s feeling a little forced right now. I expected her to have my back and for some reason her brushing this aside did make me #Feel completely invalidated and like I should just stop feeling weirded out and man up and discourage this man in words—#When the thing is there was NEVER any hint of interest. I don’t feel like I should have to dignify his behaviour in terms of interest or #Attraction. Because! I just don’t think you should be that forward with strangers repeatedly!! and if I think that’s weird then I’m sorry i #It won’t work with me! I don’t like it! I think that’s grounds enough to stop oh my god.#I’ll be seeing my bestie in a couple of weeks. Flying all the way out to England for her. I don’t want this to be awkward…#but something in me is just a lil heartbroken. Like I feel the girlcode was broken. We’ve always told each other #Not to let men affect our self worth or alter our boundaries. I feel like that was violated.#(ik she said that bc her bf at the time was 30 but like. Listen to my individual situation no? This one wasn’t about you I came for advice)#Rant

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theres-whump-in-that-nebula · 2 months ago

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When you have to take off your socks to change into clean socks and your bare feet touch the floor for exactly fifteen seconds and the dry, smooth sensation makes you want to chop your toes off

#It’s awful #I used to think short carpet was bad but vinyl flooring is the literal WORST #They should make socks that are lined with a rubbery nubby texture for people with sensory issues and/or allodynia #who find light or sliding contact painful and need deep pressure to function #This is why my grandma always wore her penny loafers— even in the hospital bed #I know what you were grandma #I KNOW you #She knew the lyrics to every song ever from 1890–1980 and would spontaneously burst into song if something you said reminded her of a song #And her mother used to sit down and read the dictionary for fun and was essentially a walking encyclopedia #despite dropping out of school at a young age because she just absorbed everything she could find #My aunt talks really really fast and for a really long time and constantly crochets to keep her hands busy #and according to my mom would rock in a rocking chair for hours and hours #All of my uncles and my mom are slightly socially awkward and take LOONG pauses between words sometimes #and something about their neutral facial expressions is “off” and guess who else looks “off” when I’m not purposefully grandiose #Moi [frames face with hands]#me #I can’t quite put my finger on it but I look a little too “dreamy” and like a fish out of water simultaneously #Like “the lights are off but someone is definitely in there watching and it’s kind of creeping me out”#And I will also read the dictionary for fun and I also happen to be a walking encyclopedia #Right now I’m into herbalism and mushrooms and psychotropic substances so I will recite paragraphs of information unsolicited #about any of those things #I guess it’s a branch off my main interest in psychology and human biology

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c-nan · 2 months ago

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if i stay over the weekend to help on a student film set, i won’t go back to my hometown which will upset my mom (and also cause me mental distress) but if i go home (mom happy, me happy(ish)) i’ll miss out on the opportunity to learn more about working on film sets (somethign i’ll have to do next semester for my own film) and i’ll reinforce in my brain that i’m not capable of doing literally anything and that i’m a fuckifn loser

#anyway i’m going home bc my mom was happy when i said i could #and i like it when she’s happy #it wouldn’t be so bad if my dad wasn’t working insane hours that left her alone for most of the day #but yeah.#i feel like when i graduate i’ll be shit out luck bc i haven’t made good connections bc i’ve only ever been on two sets #and it’s all my fault bc i don’t know what to do to make everyone happy #god please i want a solution i can’t keep living like this #i keep telling myself ‘you don’t have to be on set to contribute to films’ i’m a fucking editor for gods sake people know me as the editor #that’s my thing but i still feel like i’m not doing enough and i’m letting everyone down and that i’m on the outside of it all all the time #bc i have to go home every weekend or the world will end or whatever #i feel so fucking useless rn y’all #first day of my period i’m probably overreacting but idk it feels so real #i messaged someone else about being on their set so i can at least say i’ve done SOMETHING and she left me on read so that’s fun #god i’m sorry for this yall i’m going through it right now

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chibishortdeath · 4 months ago

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Great googley moogley it’s all going to shit! Every day becomes exponentially more terrifying!

And all perfectly timed to just right at the start of what’s supposed to be my adult life where I get my shit together and be useful and productive!

#we’re cooked #we’re doomed #idk the end is nigh or whatever god damn #I just wanna be able to live in my own house and draw a guy sometimes without the ever present threat of the horrors is that too much #apparently yeah cause houses aren’t achievable anymore but man #m a n #especially if you didn’t/couldn’t go to college and aren’t capable of working most jobs #doesn’t help there’s the chance some part of my existence might be suddenly illegal or extremely dangerous yippie!#the options are literally 1. people die 2. people die what the hell do you even do man #how the fuck is this the election I’m gonna get forced to be a part of we’re living in hell #and nobody around me believes it’ll get bad yay great oh so wonderful #I can’t wait to lose rights and cause millions of deaths regardless of who gets chosen #I think one of these days I’m literally just gonna die of stress #it’ll either be a stroke or a heart attack or cancer or uh well ya know #we’re fucked #we’re screwed #I wanna have some kind of an actually visible break down but ive suppressed everything so much that I don’t outwardly emote much anymore :)#and the constantly dissociating thing too I guess #if you ever think ‘oh yeah I can just think of guy in a situation that’s so cool’ don’t it’s a trap—#although tbh this would be significantly worse without it so uh law of equivalent exchange I guess #fuck fuck fuck anyway #not putting this in the main tags #definitely deleting this later #if anyone in my house got any hints that I may or may not have different opinions than them well uh I’m financially dependent on them so um #literally wouldn’t have anywhere to go if anything happened #oh we’re really in it now Simon #hell world #there’s like what 7 genocides going on too I hate everything I hate everything I hate everything #I can’t do anything to help anyone either cause I don’t have a job and I could get kicked out or treated badly at home for it #not that anyone thinks very highly of me at home anyway I am kinda family disappointment number 2 I pretty sure

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bpdamn · 5 months ago

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so it’s not enough for me to struggle mentally i’m also feeling the worst i’ve ever felt physically :)))

#this is my villain origin story #been to the ER twice the past two weeks that’s how bad it is :)#i‘m going to fucking kill myself it’s not even getting better #first i had a 40C/104F fever for D A Y S #then i got an antibiotic and at least the fever went down #BUT :)))#i got a cough and it was that bad that i started coughing up blood #at some point i just started throwing up cause again.. the cough was so intense #and if you think that’s all #no no no :)#right now i have a horrible allergic reaction to the antibiotic i mentioned that i haven’t even been taking since a week #i’ve got a HIGH dose of cortisone which i’m done with too now and it pretty much did nothing #like i guess it saved me from dying (yippie yay thanks now i just have to suffer more) but the rash isn’t just still there its worse #i can’t handle this shit #literally going insane #i need a fucking break #if one (1) more thing is thrown at me i‘ll just start sobbing #personal

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rosicheeks · 4 months ago

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#think I need to delete TikTok #been on the bad side and been getting pro life debaters on my fyp #finally decided to go up and say something cause I was getting so annoyed and upset #OH BOY that was a bad decision #never ever doing that again #and this is why I can’t go out and be around normal people #I can’t even talk to a stranger online #I’m literally shaking and bawling right now #it’s 5:43am and I meant to go to bed like 3 hours ago #wanted to post on TikTok and see if I could get any $$ cause I’m desperate #but nah that ain’t gonna happen cause people suck and I hate everyone and anything I make would be shit #and I can’t do anything right #basically I was trying to explain that mental health comes into play too… that abortion isn’t just black and white #I should have known before I even tried that first of all he’s a male and he wasn’t listening to anyone talk #I just have so many things I want to say but no one to say them #and it was a smaller live so I was like why not and fuck that fuck that fuck that nope #too mentally ill for that 🙃#gonna try and go to bed and calm down my heart #sorry I haven’t been posting or on much…. been struggling more than words could ever express #php helped and I felt a glimmer of hope for a day and a half and ever since it’s just been a downward nonstop spiral #love you all and hope you guys are doing okay 🫶#just needed to vent lol and since I have no friends y’all get to hear it 👌#shut up rosie

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byclairs · 2 months ago

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can i get a thought & maybe even a prayer

#feeling very run down and my throat feels weird and such things and that’s bad very bad timing i can’t get sick right now 😃#literally going to bed at 8:30 okay

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thresholdbb · 1 year ago

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Call me a sucker, but I really like the latest Paramount+ Home of Star Trek commercial

THAT SAID - the Prodigy erasure stings. To me it definitely feels like Paramount is implicitly saying it’s not a part of Star Trek anymore since it’s not on the platform

But if Threshold taught us anything, it’s that you can’t remove something from canon just because you decided you didn’t like it anymore. Prodigy is Star Trek, and it will continue being Star Trek even with a new home

#star trek prodigy #saved star trek prodigy #Star Trek #prodigy is hecking amazing #the prodigy erasure has stung since it was announced they were cutting it #I get that it’s now Netflix’s property and they can’t claim it anymore #prodigy is the most hopeful of the newer iterations to me #long story short I’m a sucker for some nostalgia but that doesn’t mean Paramount hasn’t done some terrible things to the franchise #the commercial is good very nostalgic they’re (almost) all there #remember when they tried to disown threshold come on #you can’t put the salamanders back in the shuttlecraft #they’re out there and they are BELOVED #also bring back ridiculous and bad Star Trek cause ‘fortune favors the bold’ and those silly episodes represent risk taking #risk taking can lead to some of the best works #‘risk is our business’ Kirk himself said it!#do you think we would have Far Beyond the Stars without Move Along Home?#the risk taking is part of why I love voyager (and threshold) so much such high highs and low lows just hits all the right notes #I also have issue with the writing being tightened down so hard that no one can breathe #meta

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iliveinprocrasti-nationn · 8 months ago

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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more #I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s #the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything #that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da #lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how #get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to #and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not #be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much #of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in #bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it #into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it #but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted #any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself #not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha #usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day #because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere #I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s #just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway #this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this #bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school #vent tw #yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely #disability #chronically ill #i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho #i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to #anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse #I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours #I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework

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patrickztump · 8 months ago

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i think we all have an artist, album, or song we cannot listen to anymore. not because it’s “bad” but because we have outgrown it, we are not where we were when it was our favorite and we never will be again. it could be due to trauma and it became our comfort, it could be related to someone we once knew and it would be too painful to remember those times, or maybe something as simple as we don’t want to taint the memories we have left that involve it. there's something so painful about it too, pulling a cd out but unable to put it in, hovering over the play button then having to pull away. there's a force deep down that keeps you from listening to it, when somewhere between your heart and your brain, you really want to.

#lately the struggle i’ve been having is i keep going to an artist i once loved- my first favorite #and i want to listen to my favorite albums. my favorite songs.#but i can’t. no matter how strong the desire is to go back in time fifteen years something deep down will not let me press play #i can’t bear to open that door. i blame it on the trauma but i know not every memory of that time period was bad #but it wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies. far from it.#it's just so hard and i don't really know why #babble post #music mutters #//#i drafted this a year ago and it kinda felt stupid but now it feels right

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revancchist · 6 months ago

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i’m. so confused

#not necessary to read i’m just sending words into the void bc these past few months have been so stressful and then my brain is like #do you know what we should do right now? we should develop a crush and spiral over NOTHINGGGG #normally i shake crushes off in a week’s time maybe a lil longer if we’re talking a lot #but Man.jpeg i’m down bad for a friend of mine and the weirdest thing is: it’s a girl #i’ve always had thoughts about gender and how i didn’t feel like a girl but more like girl lite but this is totally new to me #literally get nervous and can’t make eye contact with her for more than a second at a time. my stomach feels weird when she giggles #planning a hangout feels so high stakes bc i wanna make sure she has fun #we chat every day and make consistent plans and i’m literally rethinking everything i thought i ‘knew’ about my relationship preferences #i kinda wanna hold hands with her and see where this goes but i’m so scared of leading her on if it’s just my brain goin crazy #idk man #jo tag

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