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mintywolf · 6 months ago

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(I wrote this on the train coming home on August 26th although I am just getting around to posting it now because time is a weird soup.)

So okay.

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I haven’t written a personal journal post in a long time but I want to write down EVERYTHING I can remember about my adventure to NYC to see the Critical Role cast so I don’t forget. It was SUCH a moving experience and I’m so glad I went even though I was scared.

So okay my big goal for this year was to finish the first chapter of my C3 prequel fan comic A Long Road Home (southerngothiccomic.com), have a print edition made, and meet Laura and Marisha at a convention so I could give copies of it to them in person. When the CR cast announced they were going to be at Anime NYC this year I figured that was the closest they were probably going to get to me in Virginia. (And getting autographs at NYCC is reportedly like hunting a unicorn so I figured this would be my best chance.)

I was also terrified, and almost talked myself out of it because I was nervous about giving them the comic, even though I already had a badge and it was what I really, really wanted to do. I know the cast loves to see fanart — and also, it has been revealed, reads the fanfic — but it’s also a pretty well-known taboo for a fan to show their fanfic to a creator and a graphic novel is an unholy hybrid of the two. I was also worried that it would seem presumptuous of me to present them with a fanmade prequel graphic novel because there’s almost certainly going to be an official one at some point, and afraid that at best they might politely tell me they couldn’t accept it (for the reasons that comic writers aren’t “allowed” to read fanfic), and at worst they might be kind of annoyed that it exists. Either way I’d be REALLY sad, and in the weeks leading up to the con I worked myself up into an irrational panic about this. Fortunately my friends managed to talk me into not backing out (and spoilers: it turned out okay in the end!) but I was still very scared.

Also I was so focused on the comic stuff that I forgot until after GenCon earlier this month to think of what I wanted to actually have autographed. I decided to get a big print of the chapter one cover from INPRNT, assuming that since I ordered it two weeks in advance with an eta of 5-7 days that would be plenty of time for it to get to me. Well, reader, it was not. (But please do not let me dissuade you from using INPRNT! To their credit when I contacted them and asked if I could upgrade to rush delivery, they expedited it for free. Unfortunately even with rush shipping it just missed me, arriving at my house while I was on the train to NYC.)

Pâté on the train going to see his biological parents. (Laura and Marisha.)

When I saw that it wasn’t going to arrive in time I was starting to panic because there is nowhere near me to have art prints made. It’s a 15 minute drive (past the alpaca farm) just to get to the nearest grocery store. Grasping at straws I was kind of like Should I . . . draw something? On paper?? With real media that I haven’t used in like 10 years??? I only have 3 days!!!

Fortunately my life was saved by @emphaticembroiderer who had the brilliant suggestion of sending my art ahead to a print shop in NYC and picking it up before the convention. There are indeed MANY of those in New York and I managed to find one that was open on Saturdays and able to make my print on short notice. (567 Framing on W 14th street. The owner, Jack Hu, did excellent work and was very kind!) By that point I was frazzled and didn’t want two of the same print so I decided to be self-indulgent and had this one made. Not my showiest piece but it is one of my favorite things I’ve drawn. (This turned out to be the correct decision.) It’s a 6 1/2 hour train ride from here to there (and it got a little delayed along the way) so by the time I got there it was after 5 and the print shop closed at 6:30 so I zoomed over there straight from the train station to pick it up. It turned out BEAUTIFULLY, and the owner was pleased with how happy I was with it and that he’d been able to help.

He enjoys that he is included.

Then I went and checked in to my hotel and that point really just wanted to lie down on a bed but I had plans to take Pâté to see Hadestown on Broadway that night because I wanted to make the most of my trip. (Also it’s important for our scrungly son to receive a cultural education.) In keeping with the theme of the weekend I wore the Laudna-themed sundress I made for GenCon with one of the poppies in my hair. An usher told me they liked my ensemble. :) I had decided to go for a front row mezzanine seat because I didn’t know when I’d ever have this opportunity again and I didn’t want to risk my miniature self being stuck behind a tall person. It was perfect; I could see everything and the performance was AMAZING. Pâté had a very good time too.

The next day was the CR panel and autographs!! I decided to wear my 1950s Laudna cosplay from GenCon. I had some doubts about it when I got there because without the rest of 50s Bells Hells the theme isn’t as clear and outside of a DnD-focused convention the recognizability of a CR character is kind of low, let alone an AU variant on one. But once I found the Critters my Pâté poodle skirt was appreciated. :)

This is Rach @dadrielle, Astoria @astoriacolumnstaircase, Abby @overnighttosunflowers, and me as 50s Hells at GenCon!

And okay I know this said a lot but it’s true, CR fans are the NICEST fandom to be a part of. <3 If you’re ever standing in line for a CR thing by the time you get there you will have new friends. (For comparison the other-fandoms cosplayers I saw at the hotel and on the way to the con didn’t even return my smiles, even though we were all clearly going to the same place.) I fell in with a group of people who were near me in line (including an amazing Owlbearman cosplayer) and we decided to all sit together. The panel was really great. I don’t remember everything that was asked because of everything ELSE that happened later that day but they hinted that Big Things are coming (including multiple live shows!! Please come to Richmond! Or DC! Or at least somewhere on the East Coast!) for the 10th anniversary and Momlan stepped up to the mic during the Q&A segment and revealed that Sam has achieved his childhood dream . . . to become a minotaur. :D

With the mindset of making the most of this trip I had intended to try to get a spot in line to ask a question but I was hesitant about being on camera (even in cosplay) and while I was dithering about it like 50 people got in line. (I was also Suffering by that point because my rockabilly Laudna shoes have like 3 inch heels and after walking from the hotel to the convention center I didn’t have the fortitude to dart over to the line in them.)

My question, which I hope to submit next time there’s a Q&A opportunity, was this: For Marisha. We’ve seen Delilah’s influence manifesting in Laudna’s fashion choices recently. Now that she has the means and the freedom to do so, what kind of clothes would she choose for herself?

(Because I am a little sad that — until a possible post-campaign oneshot — we’ll never get to see a high-level Laudna costume that’s totally of her own design and I’m really eager to know what it would look like! Let her be spooky and free!)

Afterwards the cosplayers were being rounded up for a photo shoot but I was anxious to get a good spot in line for my autograph with Laura at 2pm so I stealthed away with Ken (@elissabrat), a Jester fan I had met in line, who knew where they were and had one with Travis at the same time. When we got there we were told No, go away and come back in an hour and a half, because it was still only 12. So we went to the Artists Alley where we found a girl named Lea whom we had also met in the panel line and collected a few other stray Critters (Ken has a boisterous and inviting personality and importantly, is very tall, preventing the rest of us from getting lost in the crowd) and we wandered around seeking out all the CR fan artists we could find. (There were a lot! It was great. I got some prints.)

by Cait May and Maliveth

Around 1 we decided to go back and see what the line situation was. Before we parted ways I exchanged twitter handles with Lea, who looked at my profile and said “Wait . . . this is you?”

She told me she was a big fan of my comic and looks forward to it every week! and we were both kind of like !!! at each other for a moment. I had never met someone who recognized my art in the wild before. (On ANY other day this would have been the most amazing thing that happened to me, haha.) I was so touched to meet her. <3

I took out the two books I was carrying and explained why I was there and we all got hyped up about it. And it made it feel a little less daunting, to know that there was someone there who understood the quest I was on and how close I was to the end of it.

I was like 5th in line for Laura and since it was still early I got to participate in that bonding experience integral to every con, sitting on the floor in cosplay, with a very good Vex behind me. (Hilariously, even after the dig at them — or maybe unaware of it — in the most recent episode, there were a lot of Funko Pop resellers around us, haha.)

I sent word to Southern Gothic Discord to remember me fondly in case I died here. In fact I'm not entirely sure that I didn't.

It felt like there was a disproportionate amount of fanfare revealing my print because I kept it how it was packed by the printer, wrapped in paper in between two pieces of cardboard so it wouldn’t get bent, so there was this whole ceremony of peeling back the tape, turning under one of the cardboard protectors, unfolding the paper, and turning over the print. But Laura loved it. She made like a happy sob when she saw it (it was really cute) and she looked at it for a long time taking in all the details and said it was beautiful. <3 <3 <3 (No matter how much we love and ship Imogen and Laudna, NO ONE loves them or is shipping them harder than Laura Bailey. She asked if I was going to bring it to Marisha too and was careful picking out a spot so there'd be room for both of their signatures. :))

I told her I was really happy to meet her because I’ve been a fan since BloodRayne (so, um. 20 years) and she said “oh wow, that was OG days!” And she gave me just a really kind look like she understood how much it meant to me to be there.

Then I gave her the comic. You all were right, I was worried about nothing! because she is the sweetest and she loved it. I very nervously pushed it across the table and said it was a comic I had made and wanted to give her. She picked it up and started turning the pages and was surprised when she saw what it was. “Wait, this is a whole novel! You made this?”

I confessed that I had, and she asked how long it had taken, I told her about a year (it was actually longer; in the moment I kind of forgot not how many pages there are in the first chapter but how many weeks are in a year) and she looked just really impressed that I had made it and touched by how much work had gone into it. She said she couldn’t wait to read it and seemed really excited to hear that it’s still going online! (So no pressure on me there if she's keeping up with it now, haha. o.o) And she kept looking between the book and me like she couldn’t believe it.

Then she asked me if I would sign it for her. :')

Somehow I survived long enough to do so! (a little wobbly because my hands were shaking) and someone (I think it was the ticket scanner) made a joke about how I was the first person to give an autograph at a signing, haha. And then she came around the table and gave me a hug. <3 <3 <3

After that my soul was still on the ethereal plane but the rest of me managed to find my way (after a brief wrong turn) to Marisha’s line. (There was a really good Keyleth and Caduceus in line behind me and they kindly noticed and returned the Pâté sticker that fell out of Marisha’s book).

She recognized my cosplay as 1950s Laudna right away! which was very validating after my earlier indecision haha. She loved the Pâté skirt and thought the scissors embroidery on my collar was adorable. She really liked the art too and was kind of like “Awww” about the book like in an “aww it’s an Imogen and Laudna thing” kind of way (she also liked the glass bottle windchimes on the cover and I love that she noticed that detail because Laudna’s penchant for turning things other people have thrown away into arts and crafts is one of my favorite aspects of her character) until she opened it and started looking through it.

Then she said, “Wait, this is actually really good," and she asked me seriously if Liam “Art Dad” knew about it (I said he had liked some of my other art on Twitter but I didn’t know if he knew about the comic) and then she said — still looking at it, more to herself than me — “We’ll have to add it to our art catalogue.” I don’t know exactly what that means (and I don’t want to get my hopes up too high by speculating; I was too !!! in the moment to ask and now I’m going to be wondering) but . . . it sounds . . . exciting??

They also both enjoyed Pâté and his lil sunglasses. :)

I had gone up with the intention of asking my other burning question: How does being cold-blooded affect Laudna in cold climates? If she gets too cold will she enter a state of brumation like a lizard? Will she freeze solid?

But I forgot. And it really wouldn’t have been the right moment. Maybe when I come back with Volume Two. :)

You’re supposed to pay extra to get a quote put on there but they both did it anyway without even asking. I think they must be really pleased when someone brings them something personal that they’ve made to have signed and not something they’re planning to sell.

After that I just kind of floated away from the con even though it was only like 2:30 haha. Nothing else could have happened there that would have equaled or improved upon that experience. Although I did adopt a Tentacle Kitty. The vendor (correctly) guessed “you look like you’d vibe with our spooky collection” so I had to get a new buddy for Pâté. (50s Laudna, still readily identifiable as a witch wherever she goes.) Also I saw a very chill emotional support pomeranian in a backpack.

(On the way back I saw the mark of the Traveler graffiti’d in green on the sidewalk. Truly a blessed day. :P)

Afterwards I just sat on the bed in my hotel room amid the floof of my crinoline wondering what even is my life for the next few hours and being like !!!! at Discord. Then I met up with Abby (whom it was wonderful to see again!! thank you so much for coming to see me) for dinner and had a really lovely time going over the What Just Happened of it all and talking about Imodna over strawberry pancakes. As one does. Perfect ending to an amazing day. <3

It was SUCH an incredible, exhilarating experience, thank you everyone who pushed me into not giving up out of fear. Laura and Marisha are SO nice and gracious in person and it was just so rewarding, after all the work and love and time I’ve put into this comic, to be able to finally bring it to the people who inspired it! And to see it appreciated and admired by them! It was more than I ever could have imagined.

This fandom is the best. My heart is so happy and full of love right now. <3 <3 <3

#irl mintywolf #storytime #critical role

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blackmagiciangirlworld · 1 month ago

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On Art Integrity and the Tracing Epidemic

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on the state of the art community and how we, as creators, sometimes lose sight of what really matters. Art isn’t just about the followers or the fame—at least, it shouldn’t be. But there’s this growing trend that’s becoming impossible to ignore: Tracing, stealing, and essentially leeching off the hard work of others.

This person (revheadarts on Deviantart and revhead_fanarts on Instagram) is out here tracing over original art just to make it look more “popular” and likeable.

Honestly, love, tracing isn’t art. You’re literally stealing someone else’s hard work and slapping your name on it to get likes. That’s not talent, that’s manipulation. 🙃

And don’t even get me started on how they’re only drawing ideas from free bases they find online. There’s absolutely no originality here. They can’t even be bothered to come up with something fresh or unique—it’s all just recycled rubbish! I find it funny they call themselves „scrap junkie“. Sooo relatable.

We’ve all been inspired by something or someone, but there’s a big difference between drawing inspiration and copying. Artists build on ideas, sure, but we also need to respect the originality of others and be mindful of copyrights and creative ownership. ✨

What’s worse? Their characters are literally blends of already existing canon characters. Like, we’re talking about direct rip-offs, people. This isn't "inspiration," this is straight-up copyright infringement. You can’t just mash up a bunch of well-known characters and call it your own. That’s not how art works.

This person’s all about the likes, the fame, and the attention—just look at their social media. It’s all about the numbers; no heart, no soul. If they don’t care enough to put in the effort to be original or even respect other creators, why should we support them?

If you need more proof to believe me, just check the difference in their style. The change happened so fast, my brain just sent out a ‘404 Error: Unable to Process’ message.

Not to mention how their "fame" changed overnight once they started tracing the original artwork:

Revhead_fanarts has been known for tracing ever since their existence and this community is not the only one he has been deceiving. This is just one example among many (traced art on the left and a movie scene on the right):

It’s unfair to real artists when tracing is seen as equally valid or praised because it undermines the dedication and time they pour into their craft. While Revhead can produce content in minutes by tracing (noticeable in how frequent they post, which is every day); true artists face hours of practice, learning, and refining their technique, often without the immediate recognition they deserve.

Tracing might create fast results, but it skips the growth process that shapes an artist's unique voice. It’s disheartening when the effort and skill required for original work are overshadowed by shortcuts that don’t reflect the real work that goes into creating art from scratch.

Final takeout: Let’s keep the art community a space where authenticity shines. Whether it’s coming up with your own character designs, experimenting with different techniques, or simply learning new things, there’s no shortcut to becoming a true creator. It’s all about passion and effort, not the quick thrill of chasing likes. 💪

#ArtIntegrity #SupportOriginalArtists #BeYourOwnCreator #RespectCopyright #TrueCreativity #scam artists #art scam #art tracer

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jasper-pagan-witch · 5 months ago

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The Modal Commander Servitor

An approach to a Magic: The Gathering servitor subtype. This is one of my UPG-filled personal projects.

There are many approaches to making a servitor. There are ways to advance that servitor straight to thoughtform. There are even ways to make an egregore with other magic practitioners. So that’s not what this post is about, though I will leave resources at the bottom for that [1]. This post is about using pop culture in tandem with magic to make a servitor even more powerful. I’m warning you now, we get well into the mechanical weeds of Magic: The Gathering in this one.

The thought came to me a while back in a Discord server with some magic-practicing pals. I got the idea to use my Magic: The Gathering Commander decks as modal spells (more on this term later), which then turned into ideas for making them servitors. To quote myself,

But more to the point, the idea of a Commander deck is that you have a central Guy in charge of particular Things and you typically build the deck around that, so why not treat the central Guy as a servitor empowered by the tools built into the deck (in the form of supporting cards) to accomplish a goal, and it’s empowered every time you play the deck. It’s basically outsourcing magic bullshit to eldritch monsters from between the planes, a toddler cactus person, several pirates, the gods’ most unfortunate bisexual, and a lawyer.

And then I put the idea aside for a while. Summer, my fallow period, happened. But when I came back to my practice near the start of autumn, I found myself revisiting servitor/thoughtform ideas, which prompted me to return to my old notes on Modal Commander Servitors, the Hireling Sliver Hivemind Linking Sigil System (SHILLS), and Echo Summoning. We’ll only be focusing on the first in this post.

But let’s start at the beginning. The crux of this servitor is that it is the Commander of your Commander deck, so let’s talk about the Commander format.

The Commander format (as officially known by Wizards of the Coast aka WOTC) is also called Elder Dragon Highlander or EDH. It is a casual multiplayer format with a competitive form known as cEDH. You have a deck that is 100 cards strong, and with the exception of basic lands, you can only have one copy of a card in your deck. Commander is centered around a Legendary Creature (or, more rarely, a Planeswalker) who exists in the “command zone” separate from the main deck but that still counts towards that 100-card limit. Under certain circumstances, you can have two Commanders (such as with the Partner, Partner With, Friends Forever, Choose a Background/Background, or Doctor’s Companion mechanics). You start at 40 life, and if you end up at or below 0 life, or you take 21 points of Commander damage from a single Commander, you lose the game. Your deck’s available colors are restricted only to your Commander’s color identity – every color that appears in their card, not just the ones in their initial mana cost. [2]

There’s a lot more to it than that, but for the purposes of this post, we’ll be focusing on your Commander itself rather than its format.

Depending on your approach to pop culture entities (PCEs), you may already see them as faces of existing entities (such as Karametra being a face for Demeter) or as embodiments of archetypes (such as Bertram Graywater embodying the “corrupt lawman” of the Western genre). However, these are far from the only approaches. My personal approach is “everything is already so goddamn weird, so why wouldn’t they exist”. Luckily, when creating a servitor, we’re not drawing on an existing PCE. Instead, we’re forming our energy into the shape (and sometimes personality) of one!

In the meta sense, a player of Magic: The Gathering is a planeswalker (a mortal with a spark in their soul that allows them to travel to other planes and access the magic of other planes even if they aren’t there), battles with other players are duels with other planeswalkers, and their deck represents their allies – other planeswalkers they can call in favors for aid with, creatures and allies they can summon for help, and spells and other resources they have at their disposal. [3] Therefore, your Commander is your greatest ally who can help you in this duel, one whom you can keep resummoning easier than others (as seen by the command zone being a separate zone from the graveyard). The crux of this format, in a meta sense, is that your Commander wants to help you. So why not make it into a servitor, a type of energyform, so it can help you for more than merely games?

Okay, so we’ve covered the Commander, and you presumably already read up on servitors and thoughtforms recently. But what about that other word, modal? Modal is an MTG mechanic that gives you the choice of two or more effects of a spell or ability when it’s cast or otherwise put on the stack. Modes are the different effects you may choose on a modal spell or ability. There are keywords that add onto it (escalate, entwine, and spree) that allow you to pick more or all of the options at once. [4] If you’re worried about what “the stack” is, don’t, it’s not actually relevant for what we’re doing with this servitor. Not even MTG players understand the stack. The point is, modal means options, and the only thing better than good stuff is options for good stuff.

So let’s put all of these definitions and mechanics together. A Modal Commander Servitor is an energyform stored in a Legendary Creature (or Planeswalker) card in charge of a Commander deck who uses the cards and resources in the deck (or otherwise given to them) in order to adapt to whatever you need it to do. They’re created like normal servitors and can draw on the same energy sources as normal servitors, but they can also draw power from the lands in their Commander deck. They can be empowered by both magical and in-game usage. The deck theme and archetype (such as an Otter Typal deck for Bria, Riptide Rogue or a Ninjutsu Theme deck for Yuriko, the Tiger’s Shadow [5]) also tie into and empower the Commander as both a Commander and a servitor. Sure, you can build a deck completely divorced from its Commander, but you’re kneecapping yourself and your Commander by doing so.

Let’s circle back to the Partner mechanic. It appears in multiple forms – Partner, Partner With, Friends Forever, Choose a Background and Background, and Doctor’s Companion. These abilities give you the ability to have two Commanders for your deck, with caveats.

Let’s start with Partner, the broadest form of this mechanic. Any Commander with Partner can team up with any other Commander with Partner. While most are monocolored (and there’s a colorless one that you get to choose the color of), there’s also quite a few that are dual-colored, meaning that your deck can have up to four colors with two Commanders. Of course, you could absolutely use two Partner Commanders with the same color identity to make a monocolored deck. There are definitely benefits to that approach, depending on which Commanders you choose. (Cough, Akroma, Vision of Ixidor partnered with literally anyone.)

“Partner With” is similar, but it restricts you to premade pairings. This was seen in the Battlebond set, the Ikoria: Lair of Behemoths set, and several Universes Beyond (aka, officially licensed crossover cards) sets like the Lord of the Rings Commander decks, the Doctor Who Commander decks, and the Assassin’s Creed set. “Partner With” is just a chunk of its keyword. Part of the keyword itself is the card that the Commander is...well, partnered with. “Partner With” is not the mechanic fully, because the full mechanic is “Partner With [specific card]”.

Choose a Background and its partner, the Background Enchantment subtype, were introduced in the Commander Legends: Battle for Baldur’s Gate set that came out well before Baldur’s Gate 3, leaving most of us confused about all of these named Commanders like Shadowheart and Karlach and Wyll. Backgrounds were a new way to add something to the Command zone that wasn’t necessarily a Creature or Planeswalker – instead, they’re Enchantments that boost your Commander. Even better, they work as part of the normal Commander deck, so they can still boost your Modal Commander Servitor even if they’re not in charge of it!

Friends Forever is a type of Partner originally tied to the Stranger Things Secret Lair cards that was brought in-universe with the Innistrad re-workings of those characters into more lore-accurate cards; any card with Friends Forever can team up with any other card with Friends Forever, but this one can even give you access to all five colors of mana.

Doctor’s Companion is a Partner keyword from the Doctor Who Commander decks that allows the cards with that keyword to partner with any Commander who has the subtype line “Time Lord Doctor”. My coworker, who is way more into Doctor Who than I am but knows very little about Magic: The Gathering, was absolutely giddy when she saw how that worked.

I understand that this is a lot, so let’s circle back to the primary point: using Partner Commanders means that you essentially have two Commanders to try and deal with in a Modal Commander Servitor context. I can think of a few ways to handle this, personally. One way is to just have two servitors and allow them to work together or separately to accomplish goals. Another is to treat them as two sides of the same servitor, drawing on one side at a time. A third that I can think of is to just address them as one unit, since that’s what your Commander deck is – a fusion of their two abilities to create a stronger whole.

There are also the Companions to consider. The Companion mechanic debuted in Ikoria: Lair of Behemoths in 2020, and it was panned as a mechanic. Even being reworked for the Multiverse Legends in 2023 reprint didn’t help the mechanic much. Notably, Lutri, the Spellchaser was banned in Commander the moment it was previewed [6] and Yorion, Sky Nomad can’t be used in Commander because it requires your deck to have more than the 100-card limit the format has. [7] But the other eight Companions are able to function as Companions (provided you have that Rule 0 talk with your pod about allowing a sideboard) within the constraints of the Commander format [8], thus giving you a 101st card and, potentially, an additional servitor. While they may not necessarily be an additional Modal Commander Servitor, they can be crafted as an additional, lesser servitor to aid your Modal Commander Servitor.

And no, you can’t use it as both a Commander and a Companion. The “only one card” rule still applies, so you have to choose one. However, provided that both of your Commanders meet the Companion’s requirements, you can absolutely have two Commanders and a Companion.

Do you see what I mean about getting into the weeds?

So what about when you’re done with your Modal Commander Servitor? My approach is to use a built-in “kill switch” to dissolve the servitor and, since this is tied to a specific Commander deck, to dismantle the deck and cleanse the Commander card. Simple and to the point, because I like simple and to the point.

I also made it easy to activate and dismiss my Modal Commander Servitor. I build all of my energyforms with activation phrases that will pull them out of “hibernation” and dismissal phrases that send them back to it. This allows them to rest and regain energy without having to be actively used. I used this same method and theory for my own Modal Commander Servitor.

I am also in a pod that believes in using every card we own, so even if a card is officially banned in Commander by the Commander Rules Committee (before they recently disbanded) or Wizards of the Coast, we still use them. (I feel the need to mention that I primarily play against my mother, who was a Magic: The Gathering player from the early days and does not believe in mercy.) Naturally, if you play with a specific group, you can talk to them about in-pod bans and allowances, but if you play against random people, it’s probably best to listen to the existing banlist. Of course, with WOTC in charge of the bans now, there’s going to be a whole power scaling thing... Lowkey, this format is kind of a mess right now because people lost their ever-loving minds recently. [9] But this is a post about pop culture occultism, not...that mess, so let’s move on!

For the rest of this post, let’s step through a theoretical Modal Commander Servitor. We’ll pick Yorion, Sky Nomad [7] because I feel bad for it. Although it can’t be a Companion, it’s still entirely legal as a Commander! Yorion is a White and Blue Legendary Bird Serpent for five mana, getting up into the pricier side of a Commander. It has four power and five toughness, meaning it can hit your opponents decently hard and take a pretty big hit. It has the Flying keyword, meaning that it can only be blocked by creatures with the Flying and/or Reach keywords. When it enters the battlefield, you get to exile any number of other, nonland permanents that you both own and control; they then come back to the battlefield at the beginning of your next end step. This is commonly referred to in MTG as “blinking”.

So this is pretty good, at least to me. You can bring it into the battlefield and exile any number of things that also have “enters the battlefield” triggers to get them to pop off once more. And looking at Yorion’s EDHRec page, a lot of people had the same idea. As of writing this, there are over one thousand decks on EDHRec that focus around blinking with Yorion at the helm. But blinking isn’t the only thing Yorion can do. Plenty of deck themes also feature cantrips (cards that draw you cards in addition to doing something else), those damned Persistent Petitioners (who can make your opponents mill their deck until they die from running out of cards), cloning, Flying, and so on, though none of them have nearly the number of Yorion decks that blinking does. Personally, I’d build a Bird deck, because I’m predictable and like Typal decks. I would add cards like Skycat Sovereign, Watcher of the Spheres, Favorable Winds, and other cards meant to boost Birds or Flying creatures. Ultimately, I would focus on making this a functional Commander deck first and foremost, because I’m not going to keep a deck around if it sucks ass. That kind of defeats the point of the Modal Commander Servitor – in order to make it more powerful, you need to use it for both kinds of magic.

So that’s the “Commander” part figured out. Let’s shift focus to the “Servitor” section. I have a fairly quick yet simultaneously detailed approach to making servitors. [10] The important things to emphasize when building this Modal Commander Servitor are to name the servitor for the card (including any epithets or surnames on the card you’re using), to give them the ability to draw on the cards/resources in their Commander deck, and to specify that your Modal Commander Servitor is just that when you are speaking it into existence. Give them the ability to adapt and whatnot.

So now we’ve got a Modal Commander Servitor. Personally, I would focus on pouring energy into it and giving it simple tasks at first so it can get its feet under it. Being spontaneously brought into existence is disorienting, even for things that can’t think for themselves and aren’t sentient, so I give my servitors a chance to exist and hang out in their “dismissed”/hibernation state so they can get used to existing.

Now, let’s talk about potential specificity. Even though I keep my Modal Commander Servitors extremely vague and adaptable, you can outline the particular modes you need them to function in more specifically. For example, Yorion can be given different “modes” focusing on categories of magic typically aligned with White and Blue, such as protection, scouting, travel, and elemental air and water. This can help if you want the Modal Commander Servitor to be more specific than “do whatever”. If you follow the “all entities are ultimately facets of a bigger entity” approach, you could have Yorion channel parts of the Bird overspirit or the Serpent overspirit, if that’s your spiritual cup of tea.

Ultimately, the point of the Modal Commander Servitor is adaptation and flexibility. Sometimes, you just need to outsource a problem and you don’t have the time to make a more specific Guy for it, but if you already have one of these handy, you can just point them at the issue and wait to see what happens.

I hope you enjoyed this post! It got...pretty long, but I think that’s ultimately for the best, since it enabled me to pack more detail in. If you end up doing this, please let me know what you do and how it goes! I’m eager to see what other people experience with this deeply UPG-based approach to servitor creation and usage.

Citations, Resources, And Further Reading

[1] “Jasper’s Servitor/Thoughtform Resource Post”, compiled on Tumblr by jasper-pagan-witch: https://jasper-pagan-witch.tumblr.com/post/762988504970100736/jaspers-servitorthoughtform-resource-post

[2] “Commander (format)” on the MTG wiki, compiled by Fandom users, through a Breezewiki mirror: https://antifandom.com/mtg/wiki/Commander_(format)

[3] “Planeswalker” on the MTG wiki, compiled by Fandom users, through a Breezewiki mirror: https://antifandom.com/mtg/wiki/Planeswalker

[4] “Modal” on the MTG wiki, compiled by Fandom users, through a Breezewiki mirror: https://antifandom.com/mtg/wiki/Modal

[5] “Bria, Riptide Rogue (Commander) – Otter” and “Yuriko, the Tiger’s Shadow (Commander) – Ninjutsu” on EDHRec: https://edhrec.com/commanders/bria-riptide-rogue/otter and https://edhrec.com/commanders/yuriko-the-tigers-shadow/ninjutsu

[6] “Lutri” on the MTG wiki, compiled by Fandom users, through a Breezewiki mirror: https://antifandom.com/mtg/wiki/Lutri

[7] “Yorion, Sky Nomad” on Scryfall: https://scryfall.com/card/mul/64/yorion-sky-nomad

[8] “All Companions” on EDHRec: https://edhrec.com/companions

[9] “On the Future of Commander” on the official Magic: The Gathering website, by Wizards of the Coast: https://magic.wizards.com/en/news/announcements/on-the-future-of-commander

[10] “Entity Creation Worksheet” adapted on Tumblr by jasper-pagan-witch: https://jasper-grimoire.tumblr.com/post/763362895377694720

Condensed Chaos: an introduction to chaos magic by Phil Hine: A good beginner primer on chaos magic, with a fairly extensive chapter on servitors/thoughtforms and a willingness to explain things that I just gloss over and build red string boards about.

Magickal Servitors: Create Your Own Spirits to Attract Pleasure, Power and Prosperity by Damon Brand: A very thorough book on servitor creation, though not necessarily from a chaos magic lens. I found it very funny to read how much the author was frothing at the mouth about chaos magic. Yet, it’s still hands-down the best book dedicated entirely to servitor creation that I’ve read thus far.

EDHRec, a website for comparing Commanders and seeing the most commonly used cards in particular decks: https://edhrec.com/

Scryfall, an MTG card searching database: https://scryfall.com/

#jasper post #pop culture #pop culture magic #pop culture magick #pop culture witch #pop culture witchcraft #magic the gathering #mtg magic #mtg magick #mtg witch #mtg witchcraft #energy work #long post #personal #energyforms

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dingodad · 6 months ago

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Does anyone remember that Lord English himself isn’t even composed of the original versions of the souls that make him? He’s the son of paradox clones, right? That means B2 Jack is the one who actually contains the original souls of Lord English, since he was directly possessed. English has been diluted by being a paradoxical copy, and being part cueball. His creation is not unlike that of breeding Genesis frogs. (The end frog does not chronologically branch off from the original frogs, he is a paradoxical copy of all of them combined. I’d argue that he’s almost like the inverse to a Genesis frog.) So the destiny of the original Caliborn, Equius, Lil Hal and Gamzee is to be decapitated by Dave and explode into a black hole. Caliborn brags about how he will become all powerful, but he will doesn’t get to do that. The paradox slime version of himself born in a lab is destined to become the laser skull epilepsy pharoah hulk man, not him. Not that any of this really matters or changes that much, I just noticed that it was odd. This all adds up right? I didn’t forget anything that would make this not make sense?

you are, on a technical level, completely right: at no point in the Pharaoh Hulk's* timeline was he ever literally Lil Cal. he emerges straight from Doc Scratch, who was only ever a clone of Lil Cal. but you're making a critical error by thinking of the Hulk and B2 Jack as if they're meant to be two different guys.

*I've always known this iteration of Lord English as the "Mobster Hulk" version - google seems to be telling me it's basically only my posts that use this phrasing but I'm guessing I must have picked it up on the forums.

I won't give you the long-winded explanation about Ultimate Selves and how it's the idea of a person that matters more than the specific body they inhabit because I already have about a dozen posts on the subject and I'm sure everyone's sick of hearing it by now. so I wanna focus on two specific and related reasons why "Real Lord English" and "Copy of Lord English" is a false dichotomy, based specifically in an area of Homestuck's worldbuilding that doesn't really get talked about so much:

Jack Noir's version of Lil Cal is just a copy too! Roxy banished the one containing Lord English's soul into nonexistence, so that in Caliborn's words it will "FLUTTER THROUGH THE SHADOWS FOR ETERNITY. SURFACING IN THE NIGHTMARES OF THE UNSUSPECTING." Gamzee is not a Thief of Void, he can't steal things back out of the darkness; he's simply a psychic whose chucklevoodoos can "amplify fears through dreams." The Lil Cal that emerges in Dave's dreams, is adopted by his Bro, and one day makes the journey to Jack's prison cell is just a manifestation of Dave's fear of puppets; the one that Roxy banished is still out there.

First rule of jujus, bro: "THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!" "if there ever appears to be more than one of the same, it is only a mirage of caUsality!"

cultured readers will be able to draw the line between the two phrases i've put special emphasis on. Homestuck uses the terms existing terms "voodoo" and "juju" to deliberately evoke an anthropological concept which is found around the world but is most pop-culturally associated with African and Afro-Carribean spirituality: Lil Cal is a fetish. his power comes not from the fact that he is composed of some special material (or because, as you suggest, he has some kind of unique or special genes), but from the fact that spiritual power is ascribed to him. think of a religious idol; there can be a million idols to the same one deity, but the power of each idol will be exactly the same, because each has the same spiritual significance.

put in overly-simplistic terms which aren't necessarily accurate but speak to a recurring theme in Homestuck: a juju works because of the belief that it works.

this is what Calliope and Caliborn mean when they speak of "bad juju", some kind of mystical force which Lil Cal is filled with. the "juju" isn't the object at all; it's an enchantment associated with the object. Calliope says a juju can't ever be destroyed, and yet Lil Cal is torn to shreds and repaired on multiple occasions - it's the magic, the juju, that persists. this is the only way an object with a self-perpetuating origin could possibly exist, or else the object would just keep becoming more and more worn with each loop of its timeline.

Scratch and Caliborn both say it: "Instances of [Scratch] have spawned in countless universes", just as Lil Cal will continue to infiltrate the dreams of infinite children and take Caliborn "FROM UNIVERSE. TO UNIVERSE. TO UNIVERSE." importantly, it's implied actually quite early on in the comic that you can't really "clone" a "soul", because paradox clones kind of follow similar rules to jujus; there can only be one TRUE clone, who will always travel back in time to become their own origin, and all other clones are "MALFORMED MUTANTS" with no bearing on the timeline. so the exact circumstances through which Cal arrives in each universe, be it via ectobiology or clown voodoo, don't matter: every copy is either a) inert or b) actually the same Lil Cal at a different point in its circuitous timeline.

in other words - thanks to a time loop of his own orchestration! - all versions of Lord English have to be decapitated and/or collapse into a black hole at the end of their lifespan because they all have to ultimately return to the void. you're really not that far off the mark in that there is a tragedy in the fact that Caliborn believes he will "GET STRONGER. AND OLDER. AND BIGGER. AND BUFFER!" each time he destroys a universe. the tragedy is just that he thinks turning into Mobster Hulk is the end goal when in fact by making himself immortal he has ensured there IS no end goal: he's trapped being reborn as new Lil Cals in new universes forever and ever. no matter how many brief excursions he takes out into the universe to play the villain, his essence is trapped in the void for all time.

#homestuck

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davekat-sucks · 20 days ago

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bro look at this

https://www.tumblr.com/themageofblood/653646795513233408/lets-talk-about-this-fandoms-implicit-bias

I feel bad this person gotten death threats. But at the same time, there are things I also want to make my counter arguments disproving that Strilondes/Gamzee/Meenah are harmful black stereotypes that OP themselves is stereotyping and is racist themselves for assuming. Here is also the archived link in case someone has been blocked by this person.

Hella and Dope are words and slang that can be used by anybody. Not just black people. It's often to describe something that is a lot (hella) or chill (dope). Words like these are not exclusive to black people. But if you think using how black speech talk is why characters like Dave and Dirk are black, then that means you also accepted that Dave would use the word NIGGA openly like he did in his blog.

The N-word isn't just used as a slur, but said by black people to describe a person or group of people. In some context, the n-word is used to describe someone as their friends or homies. Other times, it is used to describe someone as crazy or insane. It varies from what the context is. Black people still use that word for not just songs, books, and other media, but talk among themselves with their race and everyone around them. Casual and otherwise. Which means then someone can headcanon Dave openly calling all his friends (whether they were white, black, or alien in the trolls case) niggas. You want people who headcanon him as an uwu soft boi to say the n-word so casually? Maybe the other Beta and Alpha Kids don't mind. Have you thought of that?

If Dirk is canonically white, then shouldn't the same apply to Dave as well? After all, ECTOBIOLOGY was used to clone them. Therefore, Dave/Rose/Roxy would ALSO be white because the machine collects said DNA copy. There's nothing said about the machine that says it could change a person's race/ethnicity. And if it did, then that means in every timeline, every character existed to be any race. There is also to take into consideration that with Doomed Timelines that tells people that everyone doesn't matter besides the current timeline that the story follows. As an example, that means someone who headcanons them as like African American or Chinese in a timeline where everyone achieved godtier, grown as a person in personality and otherwise, and gotten together with whoever the person ships with, it doesn't matter because Paradox Space says so. Those people are worthless because they didn't follow the ""correct"" path to continue the timeline. If the possibility of mixed or changed races can extend to the trolls, then that means the trolls themselves could have been carrying everyone else's DNA within them. Eridan may have a partial part of him that is rustblood, Aradia could have fuchsiablood DNA in her, etc. Added with the incestuous slurry all trolls are made of, the trolls are already fucking their sister/brother/cousin. Same kind of said for the human kids if you take into account for the ectobiology that they were born in the same place from the same machine. Technicalities are weird like that.

I never understand why people think ICP and juggalos are racist. Does this person not realize there are black juggalos that do exist? Like Mr.Goodbarz for example, a rap artist. Does this person think black people who enter in juggalo culture are being traitors to their kind?

Braids are a HAIRSTYLE!!! It's not exclusive to black people!

Is Rapunzel from Tangled now racist for having her hair done in braids?!

What about Edward Elric who has a small braid?

Should people call Toko Fukawa racist for having braids too?! Lara Croft? Eliza Thornberry? WEDNESDAY ADDAMS?!! People that use this hair style are suddenly racist?! What kind of fucking logic is that?!!

What do you think then about this theory that Trickster Mode and by extension, Grimdark, changes people's skins? Not only that, the actual first time we seen a Caucasian drawing of the human characters was through CALLIOPE ON ROXY. And Roxy reacted that she LOVES IT!!! Does that mean the black girl doesn't mind being whitewash or race swapped?

That means in Trickster mode, it is CALLIOPE who is making everyone white with her lollipop Juju. It happens again in the Credits too during Rose and Kanaya's wedding. Does that mean she is the one who is making the whitewash happen? Calliope is suppose to represent the GOOD side of the fandom, is she not?

But if James Roach and HICU were to show some black traits or black actions, people would accuse them for stereotyping. Nobody wins in this game at that point.

Now you brought up about Dave saying the n-word. But isn't it a more stereotype to assume black speeches and manners are what makes people think a person is black? Because that is what you were implying there of why the characters are POC. And I don't recall Karkat growing as a person or saying sorry to people like Nepeta for calling her autistic? As far as I know, he kept on using Dead Nepeta jokes as if he was the world's best comedian. So he fine with using a dead autistic cat girl as a punchline.

At least have PROOF or EVIDENCE that someone in the fandom had pretended to be black. The only thing I can agree with you is that there a lot of white people that speak up about black matters, but nobody calls them out. Not just in the fandom spaces, but corporates as well who make up and function our society and the world. You wouldn't talk shit to a white man who is growing your food because you don't know how to garden yourself and would starve to death without them.

And yet people still draw Trickster Roxy with black skin because they don't care the canon. People are allowed to draw what they like. If someone draws Roxy white, that's fine. If someone draws Dave as Asian, that's fine too. It's all okay. And HS2/Beyond Canon could have shown representation through the OMEGA KIDS, but they didn't because if they start interpreting the characters now, it would contradict the overworld look that has been around from the base and current shitty sequel comic. Those fuckers are nothing more than plot devices than their own beings. Please answer me this @themageofblood if some of the things I said are wrong.

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hordraomin · 2 years ago

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Krita tutorial the way I know it.

Basics: What is where.

Gimmicks.

Specific advice on specific tools.

Basics: What is where.

Upon opening the program this is what you're met with. First of all, must comment: The layout is HEAVILY editable so you can just drag menus anywhere you want, even leave them floating amidst the sheet you're drawing on.

You can create custom art templates, I have two o'mine here as both have my signature background color.

As well, you can edit the custom document settings, as in what size you want it, what resolution, even the initial content of the image. As well you can create from clipboard: Just copy some image from your browser and Krita will recognize it (useful for making meme edits lol).

Now, once you have your file, I will show you what is where.

Brushes:

Brushes are easy to edit and there are tons of free bundles to download online. I myself only got one bundle, Jackpack (bit hard to find now due to original source being lost, it is still available but bit tricky to come by).

There. Are. Tons.

Some of these are my custom brushes for calligraphy in neography, you might even guess which ones. You can edit existing brushes, make new ones from the ones you've edited without changing the original, and all sorts of stuff (more below in the third chapter).

There are numerous packages of brushes once you enter Krita, but only one/two are available when you first open it. To unlock them all, click here:

And make sure all bundles are dark gray in color (example of both dark and light below).

Now Tools Options: those will pop up depending on what tool you're using.

Symmetry: Fun stuff. You can drag the lines depending on how you need them and then center them back to the center of the screen if needed.

Gradients and Textures also have their tools options, you can play with those to get the feeling what they can do (more in third chapter).

The Filters tab is useful too. Blurring, motion blurring, color mapping, artistic filters and all that: Quite fun.

Gimmicks.

Krita allows you to customize your workspace freely. Floating menus, tabs, anything you want. It has quite many drivers at that-

To access the workspace templates, go to Window and choose Workspace.

Krita allows for copy-pasting any image onto the sheet. Though, for me it sometimes crashes if I accidentally copy-paste text into it without choosing the Text tool first.

The software allows for both raster and vector work. It is basically Photoshop sharpened to be used by artists primarily.

There are some interesting mechanics regarding the Eraser (default bind E).

You can use it with any brush, allowing for textured erasure/quick work. Good for sketching.

You can use it on gradients (given there's a transparent point on the gradient preset).

There's a Multibrush tool:

People say Krita is good for animation but my brain can't wrap around it yet honestly @~@.

The keybinds:

B - Brush tool.

E - Erase tool option.

M - Mirror (useful for checking accuracy from a new angle).

Ctrl - Color pick (when used with brush or other color-using tools).

Shift+L.Mouse+drag - Changes the size of the brush by dragging left and right.

Ctrl+E - Merge layer with the one below.

Ctrl+G - Group selected layers.

Ctrl+A - Select whole sheet.

Ctrl+Shift+A - Deselect everything.

F - Bucket tool.

G - Gradient tool.

Ctrl+S - Save document.

Ctrl+Shift+S - Save As document.

Ctrl+N - New document.

Ctrl+O - Open document (will be seen in a new tab on top of the sheet).

Ctrl+C - Copy selected layer or selection.

Ctrl+X - Cut selected layer or selection.

Ctrl+V - Paste copied/cut layer or selection.

Q - Multibrush tool.

R.Mouse - Interesting thing: Opens up a quick selector for brushes and colors you've already used in the piece.

1 - Zoom 100%.

2 - Zoom to fit the piece vertically.

3 - Zoom to fit the piece horizontally.

4, 5, 6 - Turn 15 degrees (4 and 6) or undo the turning whatsoever (5).

Ctrl+I - Negative filter applied to layer.

Ctrl+U - Color editing on the layer.

Ctrl+Y - Soft proofing mode (for color mistakes and stuff like that, mostly annoying for me tbh).

Ctrl+T - Transform selection/layer.

Ctrl+R - Square select tool.

Ctrl+J - Lasso select tool.

Honestly you can just hover your mouse over tools and see their shortcut binds, as well. Or edit them in Settings.

Specific advice on specific tools.

Brush:

Brush editor is a great tool for making custom brushes, and it even has a sratchpad to test them out. Lots of settings, but no need to be afraid; Most of them you might never use on purpose.

Use Brush Smoothing for great and pretty lines in lining pieces or making calligraphy.

Gradient:

The four icons to the right top are:

Mirror gradient.

Arrange by lightness value.

Arrange by color value.

Space the stops evenly.

Click the gradient to add a new stop. The three things to the left are:

Make the stop use Primary Color.

Make the stop use Secondary Color.

Make the stop use a fixed color.

#krita #krita tutorial #art #art tutorial #tutorial #hordraomin

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libelelle · 4 months ago

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As you might have seen in your notifications, I REALLY LIKE THE TIME TWINS AU

Is there some fun fact that you can say?????

Just anything

OOOH I DID SEE!! im so glad you like it i love seeing people go through the tag like that (and BOY were you thourough. you found the first post i ever made for the au) im genuinely so flattered

theres a lot to say but not much that i havent already said.... from what i can remember anyways. as you know ive made a LOT. of posts about it.

hmm.................................. OH YEAH. SONICXSHADOW GENERATIONS. ok idk if you've played/ watch sxshgens but i can talk about how it + Mephiles baing there will affect it! under the cut to avoid spoiling innocent passerbys

Ok so the great thing about shadow gens is that it basically confirms what ive already said in this au about Mephiles being trapped in a timeless spaceless void (HUGE WIN ON MY PART!) which means not only is this game still able to be canon to the au, it also makes it canon compliant up to the time it splits away still.

Things that it changes... well It doesn't reallyyy make sense for mephiles to not have memories if he had them in the void. consequently this does change one detail i really loved: that he took sonics form because he couldnt remember anyone else. pity. my 2 options for this are either to force this, by making his escape from time prison result in memory loss OR i let him keep his memories and his form that he copied from shadow. i am biased in this situation because i loved the detail about his sonic form but i will think hard about it later to decide.

if he does end up having his memories, this doesnt change much later on aside from a more pointed and purposeful attack on Silver. Him drawing out Silver using the fire at his school on pupose or whatever. He also would target Shadow more fiercely than id originally planned, but i was thinking about doing that anyways. generally i think him having memories would be better plotwise, im just a little attached to the sonic thing.

next thing that changes is that because he saw shadow, i know have a reason for his escape. as we all know now, Mephiles just "wants to exist". Good enough motivation, but now i also have a prompt for Mephiles escape: the fight with Shadow. He was desperate to get out and that encounter with Shadow would be more than enough for him to seek a way out. so thats what happened. He lost the fight, Mephiles got desperate, then somehow forced his way out. Go him!

ALSO because of the way the time void is structured, Iblis might play a bigger role than i expected. Black Doom is like. fully automonous, as well as very other character from his past, so i imagine when Silver goes on his field trip to time prison, Iblis will be the same. that'll be great for character exploration for both Mephiles and Silver, once i start planning for that part

lastly... well this really makes my au akin to a Silver generations thing since Silver will be going to the void and scrambling through his own memories at some point. 3s a pattern. Not so much a change but it is funny!

anyways if you have any more questions feel free to ask : ] <- loves to get asked about their au

#AND THANK YOU FOR SHOWING INTEREST!!!!!#im the yappppppper #time twins au #ask #gummi-suga #talk tag #shadow generations spoilers

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rosestarlightkatarina · 1 year ago

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The night.

Donna Beneviento x reader

This one is all about fluff and sleepy atmosphere

I hope you enjoy🖤🌙

No doubt today is a way too harsh on you. Everything is out of hand and it makes you feel even more exhausted. But the most frustrating thing is that you don’t have any chances to meet the doll maker, let alone a little talk to her. She acts more like a pretty ghost in a pretty old house and you try to copy this behavior. Expect Angie. The only one thing you have to do for being the reason of her laugh or anger is breathing. Even sleeping isn’t always a good cause for her to stop. You must be more creative than that. But you two seem to get along recently. It’s actually a miracle how you are still alive. Consider yourself lucky. However some horrible questions about their true intentions come to your head every night. And the only one person, who knows the answer, is ignoring your existence, preferring the company of her own. Except Angie, of course. When the sun hides behind the waterfall, the owner of the manor comes from somewhere, takes her continuously chatting feral creature and disappears. You can swear she has some teleportation skills. For one moment you could say she was an illusion or a fever dream of yours. But there was always Angie with her bites to make you deny these thoughts swiftly. Still your various assumptions are never gone. This night does not differ from the others. Eyes are shut but mind is overwhelmed. Thus, after some useless attempts to fall asleep, you find yourself wandering around the empty house until you see the dim light coming from the slightly open door. The curiosity wins so you have no choice but come a little closer on your tiptoes. Behind the crack there is your lady, painting a little porcelain face, all alone. Just her and soft sound of creating a new friend. Something about this view makes you stay, watching her work quietly. That’s impolite to stare you think when it’s too late. Unfortunately, the period of time is long enough to get noticed by her. Now you are caught and there is no way back. You have to speak.

"My lady, I apologise for interrupting you. I didn’t mean anything bad. I have an insomnia. Please may I stay here? Just for a little while." You say that so fast as if you are ready to get killed for your audacity. But the slight nod is the only response you have.

You hoped for this reaction but wasn’t really prepared. So you just froze for a few seconds before finally making your way through the room, looking at its beautifully arranged furniture. Still something, without any sign of mercy, is beckoning you to come to her as closer as possible. Besides, the is always a chance for you not to see the tomorrow morning. So you just decided to use all of your carriage to keep this opportunity. You slowly got down on the floor next to her, waiting for any sign of her disapproval to run away and blame yourself for such a stupid behavior for the rest of your life. You don’t know exactly what you are doing. It’s really hard to use the brains when every part of your soul is screaming inside you. Fortunately and scarily, she didn’t show any urge to stop you. You just closed your eyes, leaning your cheek to her dress to feel the soft material caressing your face. Every little thing about this woman is soothing and cosy. You can’t help this atmosphere wrapping you up in its embrace. You have been waiting for these minutes for too long that it almost makes you cry in relief. You feel like you’re in heaven and it suits your thoughts of being probably already dead just fine. It’s like being asleep and you look exactly this way when her fingers runs through your locks. Your heart is about to fly away from the chest but you don’t dare to move, relishing the soft touch. It would be unforgivable to scare this precious moment off. She keeps gently stroking your hair, sometimes drawing circles and flowers on the top of your head. You do your best not to tremble and pretend to sleep. But after half an hour it is not an acting anymore. You don’t realise how tired you are so…you wake up. In your bed. In your room. Is it just another dream? Who knows. Well, only the one may know.

#may English grammar forgive me #I do my best I promise #screaming crying throwing up while writing it #resident evil village #resident evil 8 #re8 #donna beneviento #donna beneviento x reader #donna beneviento x y/n #lady donna beneviento #angie beneviento #donna re8 #re8 fic #fanfic

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carnirat · 1 year ago

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So you know John Smith's "Journal of Impossible Things" from Human Nature/The Family of Blood?

Years ago, I got a small copy of it at a nerd store and it's got every page from the journal in it. I'm sure these all exist out there already but here's some of my favorite pages and what text I can make out for those who haven't seen some of these

There's lots of repeating text and jibber jabber, I assume to fill space, so I won't write down stuff twice or the random stuff he tends to write over and over

I find myself wanting to draw a perfect rose, over and over although I cannot find a rose anywhere!

In my dream, I keep asking a girl where to find one, and she is dressed in the most extraordinary immodest way.

She will not answer me, and she keeps walking away.

I remember this girl I have drawn her although(?) I know her well in my dream

(The rest is stuff from the previous page and more jibber jabber)

I am a father in my dreams, I am certain, and a grandfather. A great sadness at these thoughts. As if they had not just died, all my (I can't tell), but had departed in a way somehow more final than death.

I am the last for some reason I am terribly afraid that my watch is broken.

I can't remember what they look like (idk) see shadows (idk)

The skies are a burnt orange. And the leaves on the trees are silver.

I know a man who lives on a hillside there. And the city has towers! And I dance(?) in my robes, and my collar I can never get it right. I am so ill suited for it and yet they tell me I am in charge! Ha ha ha!

(Repeating)

(A page about Capt. Jack Harkness)

I am traveling with a man in the military, only he isn't what he seems, and so I leave him behind after a battle, and he is stranded in no man's land, so alone and so far away from home.

(More repeating)

(Page about Martha, next page is immediately next to this)

She wants someone close to me someone I think I know in the waking world. And she is a doctor. She wants to heal me. Why is being a Dr so important? To her and to me. I wish she could turn around so I can see who she really is.

(More repeating)

The girl with the strange spikey hair is trying to take someone away from me

She dresses strange different

Her features are unclear

I don't know what she looks like

Black hair

(Lessgo badwolf rose)

A woman with the universe(?) poured into her and she becomes a lady!

Such grace!

She judges the living and the dead.

Everything changes as she (idk)

She judges(possibly) everything and everyone that she meets

She judges all that come in her path all and more.

She has gold eyes the universe is inside her

Powerful

Gold eyes

I have seen the opposite of a star. A darkness rather than a light on the void

There is a world that lives there, terribly close to disaster. It feels most like a vision, a prophesy. Like something out of astrology, that the placing of these stars is important.

(Jibber jabber)

And further into the nightmare, there was a pit. And there was a voice from the pit. And it wrote itself onto mens faces. It sought an escape into the world of men.

It was the beast, I am sure. The thing inside is all that we must not let out.

A broken clock or a broken mirror will let it out.

(Can't make out the last bit)

Hit the photo limit but I'm not done! I'm reblogging with the rest, here's the link to that)

#doctor who #human nature/the family of blood #tenrose #tenmartha #nuwho #tenth doctor #10th doctor #rose tyler #martha jones #captain jack harkness #gallifrey #the impossible planet #satan pit #even as a human hes so down bad for rose like the badwolf page is so great #'she becomes a lady!' 'such grace'

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8r14r-r0s3 · 9 months ago

Text

I adore madoka magica but when i think about it too hard the amount of inconsistencies that pop up from the soft magic system confuse the ever loving shit out of me

POINT ONE: what the fuck is all of the magic in episode one??? What are the purple light beams Homura is shooting??? What fucking gun is that Akemi??? Why can Mami heal Kyubey??? Can magical girls heal other people or just themselves??? Cause I thought healing other people was like a special thing only Sayaka (in this story) can do??? What’s up with the weird texture that pops up when Mami arrives??? It shows up when she makes the ribbon barrier to block Sayaka and Madoka from Gertrude in episode two, is that just like a force field she can set up??? That’s never explained, is that her magic power??? Cause

POINT TWO: what the actual fuck is going on with Mami??? Magical girls have a weapon and at least 1-2 magic powers. This is very consistent, Homura has a shield, time stop, and hammer space, Sayaka has a sword, healing powers, and speed boosts, Kyoko has a spear, barriers, and illusions, and this was seemingly true of Mami too, until fucking Portable happened. At first it seemed that her weapon was Guns and her magic powers were Ribbons and potentially the other weird shit she does that no one else does (Sayaka’s magic bat, seeming safety circles, healing Kyubey), but her guns are made of her ribbons, meaning she either doesn’t have a weapon or doesn’t have a clearly defined magic power. What the actual fuck is going on with her????

POINT THREE: All of Charlotte’s Labyrinth. Why is her grief seed outside of the hospital when according to her Magia Record story she witches inside the hospital? Why hasn’t it already hatched? Where’s the big witch explosion when it hatches? Where is her body? Why does the labyrinth form BEFORE the grief seed hatches??? On the topic of Nagisa, what’s HER magic power?? Is it the weird cake ritual thing?? The thing she does with the serving platters to homulily’s familiars? Cause I thought those were witch power things?

POINT FOUR: Why do Elly and Izabel pull people into their labyrinths when witches are supposed to gain power by people committing die? Or if they gain power by drawing people into labyrinths and eating them, why do the people the Witch Kiss not enter labyrinths? Also what are the exact effects of a witches kiss? Why does Gertrude’s make a woman try to jump off a building but Elly’s starts a death cult? Is it based on the strength of the witch? Cause Elly goes down in one hit to the weakest magical girl in the show so that can’t be it. Is it based on their nature/“curse”? Because then what does Izabel’s “vane” nature have to do with Homura’s relatively unspecific ideation in episode 10?

POINT FIVE: what the fuck happens when a familiar becomes a witch?? Why do they still drop grief seeds despite not having soul gems from which they hatched??? If they don’t produce energy from their conversion like magical girls do, why do the incubators allow this to happen??? Isn’t it wasteful??? Also will they be carbon copies of their witch??? Are there just TWO Albertines in Mitakihara????

POINT SIX: How did the cycle start?? What was the first magical girl fighting if there weren’t any witches that existed yet???? I understand this is nitpicky but were they fighting wraiths???

I have so many questions please help QwQ

#madoka magica #mahou shoujo madoka magica #puella magi madoka magica #i have questions #urobuchi what is this??#pmmm

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cleaning-has-its-benefits · 30 days ago

Text

during winter last year I had decided that I wanted to write a fic of omoriboy, and later on I began to take some notes of him so I could write him well enough.

but then I thought why not translate them and make a post? maybe it could be useful for someone and variety is the spice of life. since omoriboy is often depicted jokingly, it wouldn't be bad to have more of him seriously from time to time, right?

so here are my notes. I may mention this is a casual character study and I didn't really aim to make the most profound omoriboy analysis, so you'll quickly notice these notes are pretty messy, but in any case, that could serve better for each one to reach their own conclusions.

and being this about omoriboy, then you already have an idea of what subjects will be discussed: sexual themes, poor mental health, attempted suicide and a general pessimistic worldview, all that jazz.

(as an extra warning now that Im done, this motherfucker ended up being 10k words long so this is a post only for the brave)

oh also, I didn't include any images mainly because Im lazy and either way I think they go over tumblr's limit of images per post and I wanna keep this as a single post so.

Im not going to take notes of every single omoriboy drawing that has ever existed, because im lazy, but I'll be looking through the main stuff: the blog, the minicomic and a recent drawing, in that order.

for orientations sake, I'll copy the quotes of each entry, so you can follow along through another source. you can read the blog here, or watch this video here (which also contains many extra stuff), or you can go look for the blog yourself, whatever you prefer.

so, first thing first, the blog!

-> THE BLOG

it all started during a december day of 2011...

[december 22nd, 2011]

"im omori and i fap and play old games"

Probably the most well-known panel out of all the blog, this is where it all started., with Omoriboy’s iconic introduction.

Quite the way to introduce himself, isn’t it? It has left an impression.

So, now the question is, why would he choose to introduce himself in this way?

I think with this, what Omoriboy is trying to achieve by being this upfront is to leave it pretty clear that he isn’t going to try to be appealing to anyone. It makes sense, after all, this is his one place in the world and he won’t try to pretend to be anything that he isn’t. Here, he is as he is.

In the image, he’s shown with his back turned towards the viewer, well kinda-ish. My point is that his body language isn’t very welcoming and his expression looks somewhat annoyed. Speaking of that, he’s also looking directly at the viewer. While in some other drawings he will also doing that, here it gives me the impression of being more intentional, like he wants to see how you'll react.

The contents of the laptop (if you’re viewing an uncensored version) are for all to see, which can contribute to this interpretation of Omoriboy not having any intentions in hiding any unsavory aspect of himself.

Going back to the text, this lacks any capitalization and punctuation, which could give the impression of, well, him simply not bothering with those. No formalities around here, but that’s pretty clear from just reading.

[december 23rd, 2011]

"sometimes i think im too fat, but it’s not like anybody will see me anyway

abs would look kinda cool though"

Considering Omoriboy looks rather thin, its concerning to wonder what would be an acceptable weight for him. Out of this, it could be possible to characterize him with an eating disorder, but given how delicate of a subject it is, I think I won’t be taking that direction. I don’t think Im good enough of a writer to handle it with the tact it needs.

For now, what I’ll take from this is that Omoriboy has a poor image of himself. Self-stem issues, unsatisfied with his appearance. Checks out.

In the image, he is examining himself via touch, so maybe what he means by ‘too fat’ is the feeling of his belly being soft instead of firm with muscles? Yeah this could also go with him having a certain idea of what a ‘real man’ looks like, or generally someone more successful than him. I can work with toxic masculinity.

[december 23th, 2011]

"at times i feel lonely but i try really hard not to think about it"

Since he expresses feeling lonely, I would say he has absolutely no one to talk. Namely, no sort of online friends.

It is also a prevalent feeling, which he has to make a conscious effort to ignore.

this one is pretty straightforward in its meaning.

Here omoboy is in a more comfy position. I would imagine like this he can feel more warm, with the blanket over him and his arms close to himself. A good way to make up from the lack of physical warmth from another person!

We dont see what he’s watching. It may be safe that its more porn but with the way he kicks his legs, that could entail he’s relaxed. Maybe he’s actually watching a show he enjoys? It would make sense then for him to not let us see what it is. Being reserved about this more ‘personal’ thing, he’s not about to let anyone learn more about the things he likes... though that's more of the route Im taking, of someone really reserved and even defensive. its probably more porn but the possibility is there.

[december 23th, 2011]

"what would happen if i died today?

how long would it take for someone to notice?

would anyone even go to my funeral?

probably not

but that’s too my fault i guess"

This one is pretty straightforward so I don’t have much to say. Most of what I can do is take a few notes

-omoriboy casually wonders about his death, specifically how people would act after his death, or if anyone would care about his death. If his death would have any sort of significance. Maybe he wonders if being dead would be any different for the world than if he was alive?

-he reaches the conclusion that no

-then he blames himself over this situation. This could refer to him being a hikikomori and loosing contact with anyone he could’ve had a connection to, or maybe he actively pushed people away before he became a hikikomori? Eh, I would go more with the former, since it would kinda go with the mentality of ‘I chose this’

- his body language doesn’t really leave much up to interpretation. He is letting his mind wander, and it looks like he’s letting his mind wander. Tho for once it would seem like he isn’t trying to distract himself from these thoughts. Is this particular question important enough for him to concentrate on it?

[december 23th,2011]

"i like wearing my socks inside-out, but if people knew that they'd just make fun of me

if i wore black socks, no one would be able to tell

...theoretically of course"

I guess the reason of him preferring to wear his socks inside out is because of the… ok I dont know how its called in english but is like the place were the stitches of the sock are. In some socks they can be pretty big so it can be kinda annoying. so this is a matter of preference, he would feel more comfortable wearing his socks inside-out.

then he immediately after thinks about people’s opinion on this matter, that if he did this inconsequential thing to be more comfortable, which isnt the standard, they would judge him and laugh at him.

who would say I would get such a metaphor out of some socks?

Given that hes never seen with socks that aren’t black, could this be tied with like, that need to perform even when no one is looking? It has a name but I dont remember it right now, but is a thing to consider since he’s right now in ‘his place’ where he can do whatever he wants, but he may be unable to shake off some habits.

Though at the end he kinda acknowledges this. After all, just like he mentioned before, ‘its not like anyone will see him anyway’

does he often imagine these hypothetical scenarios, where people mock him for whatever? Is this some sort of reaffirmation for his lifestyle?

I dont have much to say regarding the illustration. I guess he started to think about this as he was fixing(? his socks, though I hadnt noticed that ‘mark’ on his leg (idk how is it called in english either but is the thing that appears if you wear socks for a long time.) Is that meant to be a mark around the skin or is hair? I dont think he would have a motivation to shave, so maybe I should keep in mind to depict him as more hairy than in the pics.

[december 24th, 2011]

"omori is short for hikikomori (ひきこもり)

the first three letters also correspond with those of my creator

she must think she's so clever"

In the tvtropes page, they interpret this line as his full ‘name’ being hikikomori. here we have a popular show where the protagonist is simply called ‘boy’, so I believe its plausible to have a story of a hikikomori where the protagonist is simply called ‘hikikomori’, omori for the friends he doesnt have. This could also be tied to the loss of like, personhood, and all that remains of him, or all he is, is this state in which he lives.

Im not really sure what to make out of the fourth wall breaks, so Im just going to ignore them, tho from this one I take some notes of how his internal narration would be if he hypothetically interacted with someone else, because this is the closest thing to that. In other words, he’s probably going to make some sarcastic remarks, though he might not voice them. Living frustrated and depressed, it makes sense that his narration would be kinda grumpy.

In the illustration, he keeps the blanket around himself while sitting, which could give the impression of protecting himself or hiding, though I might just take it as a more general term of closing-off. His expression seems kinda distracted or avoidant. Does he want to seem dismissive?

Oh yeah, I also might note he knows what a hikikomori is, and that also entails he has some vocabulary to describe his situation.

[december 24th, 2011]

"w-waifu..."

I think this is one of the few times where he shows real interest in whatever there is on his laptop, not only in attitude, but also in thought, as for once his whole attention is on the screen.

Though we cannot see what it is exactly.

Has he seen a woman that checks all his boxes?

Or its actually a fictional character?

Eh dunno but this is the closest thing to him being happy during the blog. Whatever it is, it has effectively distracted him!

Not much to say about the picture, since it just shows this interest. some people describe it as him kissing the screen but I just kinda see it as him looking closer.

[december 24th, 2011]

"mama says i have a disease

she says it's hard to help to someone who doesn't answer

but i don't need help

everyone else just thinks i do"

so there were various drawings that were easy t understand, but then there were other drawings that I found needed further examination and so I decided to do that once I got a better grasp on the character. this is one of such pictures.

understanding what he means here is very important to understand his character, but for that I got to define what 'help' means to him.

he says 'I dont need help' rather than 'I dont want help.' the wording is important.

I kinda think that 'getting help' for him is an euphemism for something bad, but what and why?

I can think of a long list of reasons, but to get to the correct answer, like I said, I need to understand him better.

so for now I'll just take a few basic notes.

1- he refers to his mother as 'mama'

2-with the vague wording, he could be saying that his mother has told him this, or that he overheard his mother saying this to someone else

3-he seemingly doesnt answer to her when she speaks to him. it could be out of spite or other reason, maybe he doesnt know what to answer, he find talking tiring or maybe pointless, like she wont really listen to anything he might say. this depends of what is the state of their bond, but it wouldnt be a surprise to say its a complicated one.

in the picture, he has placed the blanket on top of him, hiding his whole body and he seems to be crouching. his expression is partially hidden by his bangs, but we can see that he's unhappy, like trying to concentrate on whats on his laptop but being unable to. there's something about this subject that upsets him a lot, making him want to further pull inward. maybe its the wording? maybe he doesnt like to be called ill.

[december 24th, 2011]

"how hard do you think it is

for a kid to grow up when it's got no one to look up to?"

Speaking from experience, likely.

So this rhetorical question would be more insight into his childhood, where he might had lacked any adult role models, or otherwise reliable adults.

Then it brings up what his family situation might have been like. Was he often left alone by his parents? Or where they more like impala parents that mostly focused in providing for his basic necessities, like food and shelter, but otherwise didn’t really do much parenting.

Now omoriboy is old enough to realize these things.

In any case, I don’t think this quote is hard to understand.

Looking at the image, the camera is doing this kind of top-down thing that serves to emphasize how small a character is (specially compared to something else) or to emphasize like certain defenselessness or powerlessness. Even more, we have the character directly looking at the reader, while asking this question. It evokes that image of who once was a small lonely child, now a lonely adult (or teen) that was never taught how to grow up. Its like a moment of sincerity. For someone so distrustful, as I’ve interpreted it, this is like him truly showing vulnerability. The contents of the laptop are out of sight, so not even the reader can be distracted from seeing him as he is, deep down. Someone lonely left to figure out things for themselves, with no guidance.

I think for these reasons this picture is one of the ones I like most.

also, notice how he refers to this kid as 'it' rather than 'them', like an animal or a thing. did he grew up in the kind of place where children are treated no different from dogs or are seen more as burdens? a sadly common place.

[december 25th, 2011]

"i'm don't really like water so i'd rather not shower

i still think i smell better than most ひきこもり but its not like i've ever met any"

I was going to complain about him being shirtless in the middle of winter, but then I remembered that its not like his usual clothing provides much warmth so

He says that he would rather not shower instead of dont, which makes me believe that he might shower occasionally? Or try to.

Then he states that he thinks that he smells better than other hikikomori. Is this wistful thinking or does he have reasons to believe this?

Its possible his hygiene is better than popular belief, but its no guess that he struggles with personal hygiene.

Also, he has never spoken with other hikikomori.

In the picture he’s shirtless and this is the first appearance of mewo!

He could be shirtless because feeling mewo’s fur on his skin is physical contact that he lacks, or maybe because he was showering, or maybe doing that thing where one cleans oneself with like a wet cloth, dunno how its called in english.

Also, today its Christmas but there’s no mention of that. Understandable. When in a bad mental place, the only special thing about christmas is it being a specially bad day so the best thing is to forget about it and hopefully it goes by quickly… but then, was he trying to be more presentable today of all day by cleaning himself? but given his somber expression, he might have changed his mind and decide to forget its christmas. there might be an untold story behind this picture but Im not sure of which.

[december 25th, 2011]

"if i stay here, i can be whatever i want to be

if i leave this place, i'll have to accept my limitations as a human

and i just don't think i'm ready to do that yet"

This is another picture that I decided to leave for further examination later. Its important to understand it correctly.

For now, I’ll make a note that the last line might imply he isnt 100% against ‘leaving and accepting his limitations’, but he states he isnt ready for that yet.

Im not sure if self-awareness is the word, but I think this line shows some level of understanding of himself, though living like this he has plenty of time to self-reflect.

The first line here could be related to certain freedom that being a shut-in can bring, of being away from everyone's expectations, or it could relate to his imaginary escapades.

and the rest is there.

not much to say about the picture, he's playing a game.

[december 26th, 2011]

"whats the point of going to school if i can just learn everything on the internet?"

This to me seems a statement very typical of a teenager.

Nowhere it is stated how old omoriboy is (i think), but by his appearance hes probably somewhere in his late teens-early twenties.

Figuring out this question is also important to figure out another question: how much time has he been a hikikomori? The definition says that at least six months, but he gives me the impression he has done so for longer.

And then there’s the third question: when did he start?

If he was meant to be a college student, I dont think he would be saying this, since college is more about a career and training for that career, so, even if he was in his twenties, he still has the maturity of a teenager. Not like he has had many opportunities to mature like this.

Though that makes me wonder, did he finish highschool? Its possible he dropped halfway. this seems like the statement of a school student.

I could ask the same regarding middleschool, depending of how early he started.

I dont know if there’s a real answer, so I’ll have to choose what to do with these questions.

Anyways, in the picture he looks dismissal. This pose is also typical of a teenager saying ‘whatever, I dont care’ though he doesnt have his hand on his hip. Dunno, it kinda gives me the impression he wants to pretend he doesnt care, but he does, or maybe he's more tired that dismissal and the subject of studying saps away his energy.

[december 27th, 2011]

"god

why is everything so

fucking

boring"

The repetitiveness of his life might be getting him.

Since he established that he plays old games (on a gameboy) then it could be possible that all the games he owns he has already played.

though he has access to the internet, most of the time he's seen watching porn, but most of the time he doesn't even seem interested in what's on the screen. Some time ago I had wondered if the reason he masturbates so often isn't so much for having a high sexual drive but rather it's because it's the only reliable way he has of feeling anything pleasant... or anything in general.

that’s pretty his two activities. A very dull life.

This statement could also be tied to his possible depression and struggling to find enjoyment in anything, even in things he used to enjoy.

Also, first swear. He talks casually and informal but he doesnt swear often. So, when he swears, he has a good reason to.

Not much to say about the picture, it represents well what he’s feeling.

[december 27th, 2011]

"just because i like to hide my feelings doesn't mean i don't have any"

Here when we say ‘to like to do something’ it doesnt always means that a person actually likes to do that, but rather is more of a habit of theirs.

This sentence is pretty straightforward otherwise, but there’s the question of what does he mean by ‘like’?

Probably not so much that he actually likes it, but that its a habit that he has picked up and the circumstances made it one pretty useful. Its possible others mocked him if he showed emotions.

Or maybe he’s just someone reserved and doesnt like others to know whats going on with him

Or its a matter of distrust and he isnt willing to be vulnerable out there with anyone.

Not much to say about the picture, though in many of these where mewo appears, he seems to be talking to her (or to be directing his thoughts to her). I guess he sees her as his only confidant who wont judge or snitch. she’s a great support to him in this way, since she gives him a excuse to express his thoughts.

[december 27th, 2011]

"it's all my fault...

it's all my fault...

it's all my fault..."

this is probably the picture that would lead to the invention of the incident.

so he's blaming himself and this makes him suffer a lot.

though I dont think its ever specified why. is he blaming himself over something in particular (well, not that something...probably) or is this a general sense of guilt?

last time he blamed himself, I attributed it to blaming himself over his own suffering, of putting himself in this situation. that could also be an option, but Im not completely sure this is the case here. maybe its more about him thinking about all the fuck-ups thorough his life that have ultimately culminated into this?

since his past is vague, then here I decided to give myself some liberty to choose, and since Sunny already has a big reason to become a shut-in, then I wanted to go with the route that omoriboy doesnt have a big traumatic event that changed the course of his life, but that doesnt mean he doesnt have a trauma.

here I can apply something that I learned last year! that there's apparently three classifications of trauma: acute, chronic and complex.

acute trauma is a trauma caused by a specific event. Sunny could apply here, because we can pinpoint the exact day and hour his life went downhill.

chronic trauma is one caused by a particular situation that continues through a prolonged period of time, like being in an abusive relationship.

and complex trauma is harder to pinpoint, because is a trauma caused by many different things, and I'll go with the route that omoriboy has this.

[december 28th,2011]

"WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE BUT IT GOES TO WWAAAASSTEEee

COULD IT BE WOOOOOORRSSEEEEEeeeee? ♪"

after a brief search, I found he's singing 'fix you' by coldplay. now I would analyze the song, but since it will appear again later on, then I decided to leave that for later. so I'll focus on the drawing.

I think this is the only time we’ll see omoriboy doing something similar to speaking outloud. Its not like he has anyone to talk to, to be fair, though even in his imaginary adventures he’s never seen talking with anyone… I kinda wonder if he’s actually as quiet as Sunny and prefers non-verbal communication.

In any case, I think this is also a rare instance of omoriboy for once not ignoring his feelings but rather having a way to release them. Good good, should I note a good relationship with music, then?

In the illustration he’s shown really into the song, even singing outloud, and also probably hugging mewo for further comfort, much to her dismay.

Considering the previous image, I think this is a positive development.

[december 28th, 2011]

"too bad saving the world isn't as easy as these games make it out to be"

I wonder if this is a reference to the time period, when everyone was saying that the world would end next year, though I dont remember when that became the talk.

Either way, this can be read as somewhat sarcastically, or there could be deep in a genuine sentiment of wishing the world could be a better place. He believes that the world is unfair and has wronged him, but this could say that this hasnt made him which for the end of the world. So, not outright misanthropic, probably.

Not much to say about the drawing, he’s just playing a game with a neutral expression. With all the game on the floor, it could be to have easy access to any or him juts not being someone tidy. Checks out.

[december 28th, 2011]

"bleep bloop"

This picture is a pretty unique one.

Here we see omoriboy simply goofing around… not much else to say, but I think this shows a bit more of his personality, beyond all the depression. He can be a bit of a goofball, if he feels comfortable enough for that, surely. There’s no many chances for that to happen.

If you squint, I guess you could also say he can be resourceful, using whatever there’s at hand to make some use out of it, though this could also be tied to him being a creative one. though you could also use this as more evidence of him being bored out of his mind.

[december 29th, 2011]

"the great thing about living on a blog is that i don't have to pay rent"

another fourthwall break Im going to ignore.

Though Im not sure why would he be worried about rent. Its not like he would be paying rent anyways… maybe I cant reframe this a bit in that he would be expressing relief at not having to worry about adult problems. I kinda wonder thought if he feels sorry about his mother having to maintain him, but that's just another way of asking what are his thoughts regarding his mother, but I'll define that another day.

[december 29th, 2011]

"if i have to change myself to live, i think i'll be content with just existing"

Another drawing for the ‘examine later’ pile.

This one expresses a similar sentiment as the one from december 25

At first it seemed a bit contradictory to me, since here he shows an unwillingness to change, but then the previous one wasnt about changing, but rather about accepting his limitations.

No further notes for now.

[december 29th, 2011]

"why am i

so weak?"

Could refer to physical weakness, but more likely he means his incapability to cope with life and exist outside… or also could relate to his statement in the previous entry.

There’s this thing I want to point out though, that each time he cries, he hides his face, despite this being his safe place. It could be an attempt at further repression of his feelings, or it could be a custom he has that he learned, that he can't cry openly without backlash. 'men don't cry' and bullshit like that.

Mewo is there for him, at least.

[december 30th, 2011]

"these old memories never really stop messing with us, do they?"

likely referring to the previous entry. maybe he was remembering a moment in particular where he was too weak for... do anything.

Pretty straightforward text. Typical thing you’re going about your day and suddenly something reminds you of something you would have rather not think about. Shame!

Given his dull life where nothing happens, where nothing worth noting happens and each day is identical and the present barely feels like anything, then the only thing to be had is about the past.

Not much to say about the picture.

[december 31th, 2011]

"what if my imaginary friends are the ones that are real?

what if i'm the one who's imaginary?"

Another drawing to exanimate later.

This is the first time we see him standing! And you know how he looks? Forlorn. Yeah I learned a new word! ~Forlorn~. I really like it! Its a fancy word.

This idea of him being fake must depress him a lot, but why? Maybe because then his suffering would be meaningless or like it doesnt matter?

Not sure, but here he establishes to have imaginary friends. I kinda wonder if he’s had imaginary friends all his life or if these are a recent development.

[january 1st, 2012]

"aand heres to -hic- not fukcin thsi yearr up asb ad as th lsat one,,,,"

Its new years and he acknowledges that, unlike with christmas (is the pornsite also celebrating?). He even might be having a little celebration himself! Or just drinking to forget.

He doest seem in the worst mood, though. I dont think he’s being sarcastic here, but rather ironic.

New year, same old omoriboy. He’s watching porn, like always.

Though I wonder if by ‘fucking it up’ he means his daily life in general of if there was some sort of event(s) in particular he’s referring to. After all, he starts his blog in december, who knows what else happened through the year. For all we know, this is actually his first year as a hikikomori.

[january 2nd, 2012]

"my mama always told me if i was kind, considerate, and forgave others, good things would happen

what a load of bullshit

all i did was waste my childhood and give the other kids my face to step on"

Here we have more insight on his past, where he considers that his childhood was wasted away. unlike the game, I believe the blog doesnt shy away about how cruel children can be.

So, highly possible that omoriboy was a victim of bullying from an early age and that must have formed much of his worldview, about the world being unfair.

He did try to follow his mother’s advice and be a good person, only to be humiliated for that. Fucked up to be punished without blame!

In the picture he looks somewhat resentful, which makes a lot of sense.

His mom’s advice isn’t malicious, but she must have failed to give him an actual solution to his problems with other children, and thus, now he must think he was made a fool for listening to a erroneous advice, or like he was tricked into making a fool of himself.

is he resentful towards his mother or her advice?

Very important entry to understand the character.

The knife makes its first appearance.

[january 3rd, 2012]

"it sucks to live in a world where nice guys finish last"

Many people have joked about omoriboy being an incel due to this entry.

Im not super knowledgeable about the incel mentality and Im too lazy to research it in order to determine if he is an incel or not, but the good thing is that in my fic his opinion about women is irrelevant so I dont have to worry about that. So I’ll just use this as more evidence that he thinks the world is unfair and trying to be a good person only gets you to be used as a step ladder.

Now he’s using the knife to draw certain person(?).. or to carve her in the floor? That requires certain care, even when the action of making marks on the floor with the knife could indicate an aggressive way of releasing frustration.

[january 5th, 2012]

"i'm just a waste of space"

Sooner or later he was bound to think about this.

is this due to him being a hikikomori, or has he thought about this from before becoming a hikikomori?

In the picture he’s closely examining the knife’s blade, maybe judging how sharp it is. His expression is neutral, which I’ve interpreted as him stating what he views as a fact. There’s no distractions around, no laptop, no mewo. Only the lightbulb and the knife.

[january 5th, 2012]

"i' _ _ o _ i _ _ , _ a _ a"

His expression is now obscured as he aims the knife towards himself. Its not hard to guess what his intentions are.

before I started taking notes, I had misremembered that his mother was dead and that he wanted to reunite with her. in the video linked above, they interpret this as 'I'm coming, mama' so that might be why.

but he has mentioned that she's alive, and if she had died in the middle of the story then it would have been more obvious, as he would have lost his caretaker and that would have caused conflict. so now Im not sure if that's what he's saying.

then maybe, if he refers to his mother as mama, why couldn't he refer to his father as papa? maybe he's the one dead.

but with my english, I don't think I can take a good guess. the sentence might start with 'I'm' (or maybe I'll'), then follows with a verb ending in -ing (losing could also fit, but Im not sure that's the word either), and the with a word with two a's, or maybe he's laughing.

all in all, I don't know. I'll have to check a dictionary later...

[january 7th, 2012]

you..."

but he's stopped!

two days later.

...maybe the dates just were the posting dates and weren't meant to be taken in consideration... I'll have to reevaluate the stuff from christmas then, but that for another day.

Anyways, here’s abbi!! (or tako-chan, rather)

according to the video, because I can't read japanese, the words here say 'not yet' (twice?)

Curious that he was thinking about her before attempting to end his life and then she’s the reason he changes his mind.

So, who is she? There’s many options:

1- she’s an imaginary friend of his that’s like ‘ hey if you commit suicide you wont be able to visit us anymore!’

2-she’s a fictional character from a show and this is a case of ‘if thinking that naruto would be proud of you gets you to brush your teeth…’

… ok I had two more theories but now that I think so the first one sound the most likely (though these two could coexist, I kinda think the waifu he meant earlier is her, but that’s just my impression)

[january 8th, 2012]

"right

we all find excuses to keep existing even when we'd rather not

choosing to feel pain over feeling nothing at all

...

humans are so stupid"

And in the aftermath of this he lays alone on the floor just kinda thinking about what just happened. Shock might not be the right word but something like that… maybe numbness?

The text here is pretty straightforward, so I dont have much to say. From an objective standpoint, he doesnt think there’s a single reason he should keep living, but his survival instinct grasps onto anything.

Its worth noting his wording tho, how he speaks in a general matter rather than for himself. Maybe he considers his survival instinct is a hindrance and blames his human condition for that?

[january 10th, 2012]

"nothing is ever a big deal if you don't let it be"

Likely referring to the events in the previous pages. He just seriously considered ending his life but it’s not a big deal, really.

(I kinda wonder if he spent the last two days in the same numb state as before...)

Pretty straightforward so I dont have much to say, I could even add this to my notes just by copying it. to the mentality section it goes.

Not much to say about the picture. Its a casual posture with goes along not giving importance to serious things that need addressing.

All in all, a fantastic way to start the year.

[january 10th, 2012]

"i am a cocoon"

And later on the day(? He decides to goof around a bit… or maybe enveloping himself with the blanket is the closest thing to a comforting hug that he can have. At least mewo is there for him.

I like this sentence because while is sure he means it literally, pretending to be a cocoon, it can be taken metaphorically. Im not sure he is prone to be that philosophical though, but the thought is there.

[january 12th, 2012]

Now its time to analyze some tunes!

and let the internet become witness of how terrible I am at understanding songs. I barely read poetry and when I do I hardly understand it and its the same with songs.

But first, the illustration.

You know what? I think I’ll make a note of him having a positive relationship with music, here he looks like he is actually enjoying the songs, and if anything, he’s concentrated on them rather than thinking about something else. Good angst is all about balance, yknow? So its good to keep in mind the few positive things he has in life.

Ok then, time to open yt.

~musical analysis~

The smiths- please, please, please

This is a song of 1984 and the full title is ‘please, please,please let me get what I want’, or at least that’s the song that appears.

Essentially, this is a song about a guy(? Who has lived through a lot of misfortune and now begs for things to turn out alright for once. It checks out for the kind of life that i imagine omoriboy has had.

Imogen heap- speeding cars

This is a song of 2005 (or at least the album was released then)

At least from what I understand, this is a song about the singer comforting someone having a hard time and telling them that these kind of things are part of growing up, so acknowledging their suffering, but still reassuring them that they love them. There’s also a line where they discourage them from committing suicide.

Coldplay- fix you

This is a song of 2005 and also the song that omoriboy was singing earlier. I investigated it a bit more earlier for that, and I learned that the singer wrote this song after the father of his wife passed away.

Then this is also a song where the singer comforts someone who is suffering and promising to be there for them. The line ‘but if you never try, you’ll never know/ just what you’re worth’ catches my attention, mostly because of how the blog ends.

Don mclean – american pie

This is a song of 1972 and it has a cultural importance for the united states! Or so wikipedia says.

And since its a song so tied to its time period and nation, then I spend a good 15 minutes reading explanations because after reading the lyrics I didnt understand anything. Now that I finally more or less get it, the question now is, how does this relate to omoriboy?

In a very broad way, this song is about an era gone by, one where things were happier and now everything is more decadent. It can be about loss of societal naivety (is that the term?) or generally thinking that everything was better in the past and now everything keeps getting worse. I guess omoriboy could like this song because this whole thing of growing disillusioned with existence and missing a more innocent time is an universal feeling?

Foster the people – helena beat

This is a song of 2011 and I ended up reading that this songs is about self-destructive habits because I read a bit too much, but I dont think this changes that much.

Its a conflicting song, with opposing feelings regarding the subject matter, which makes sense as its a complicated thing. There are a lot of conflicting feelings regarding the singer’s own habits. There’s also a lot of lyrics that can apply to omoriboy, like ‘You know those days when you wanna just choose/To not get out of bed, you're lost in your head again’ and ‘Slip and fall, I'm dodging calls, hug the prison I've been living in’ I think this song would let him know that he isnt alone in having conflicting thoughts.

Overall, in a matter of music itself his likings are varied, but in a matter of lyrics he listens to songs that he can identify with, where his feelings are put into words. I think they would help him in not feeling alone with his experiences. So yeah, music is a very good thing for him.

[january 13th, 2012]

"ice cream..."

This is the first time he shows interest in something from outside. My guess is that he heard that jingle from an ice cream truck passing nearby and, well, he would like to have some, but… yknow, going outside is out of the question for him.

Taking in consideration the next image, I think this just served to give him a reminder of what kind of life he leads and that he cant do normal things like buying ice cream. It must have soured his mood, to remember the world inst place for him.

Dunno about you but this is the illustration that saddens me the most.

[january 15th, 2012]

"the closest i've been to being happy is being asleep"

More evidence that his life has been pretty depressing.

In the game many things were toned down from the blog, the sexual elements are the most obvious, but Im starting to think the protagonist’s backstory was also toned down by giving Sunny a happier childhood.

I guess Omoriboy doesnt mind being a hikikomori because he has nothing in the world that he misses. While he has his regrets, he doesnt seem to long for a different time so agonizingly like Sunny does.

In any case, dreaming must be the ultimate form of distraction, a true escape from this painful world into a kinder one… or as close as it’ll ever get.

In the picture he doesnt look exactly happy, but this must be because he’s trying to fall asleep currently, and this thought must have crossed his mind. His awake time must be more like just killing time until he can fall asleep again, or an unpleasant reminder that his happiness isn’t real… in that sense maybe this picture is actually about him having just woken up and wishing that he hadn’t.

[january 19th, 2012]

"fucking neighbors..."

A widely-understood sentiment.

So the neighbours are having a party and the loud music(? Won’t let him sleep.

Even if by itself this would be greatly annoying, omoriboy has stated that he’s his happiest when he’s asleep, so not being able to sleep is a even bigger deal for him. Right now they’re taking away the only way he has of being happy. A swearing is well-warranted.

Now this pic leads to another (probably seizure-inducing) pic that shows the neighbour’s room, but since that’s not relevant to my fic then I’ll ignore it, I have enough with these 40+ images to takes notes from. not much to note about the picture, beyond the suffering of the FUCKING NEIGHBOURS and THEIR FUCKING PARTIES THAT LAST UNTIL 4AM

[january 23rd, 2012]

"where am i going?"

In the tvtropes they choose to read this literally but I’ll go with the metaphorical route.

So, here our protagonist is thinking about the future, what his current path in life is leading to.

With how empty his present life is, then it makes sense that when he looks forward into the future, all he sees is a blank whole of nothing.

But at least mewo is there, with her unconditional companionship.

[january 25th, 2012]

"anything fun is just a distraction from how much the world actually sucks"

Considering that at his core hes a vent character, it makes sense that he’s someone pessimistic.

His daily life consists on distracting himself from how much his own life sucks, but given this mentality, I wonder if his unwillingness to change is rooted in that he believes outside he would be pretty much doing the same, distracting himself from how much the world sucks, or how much his job sucks, or how much his life sucks in a different way. Being a hikikomori sucks but outside isnt much better. Stuck between bad and worse.

Not much to say about the picture, he has mostly a neutral expression so this thought doesnt bring out many emotions, which makes sense since for him he’s stating a fact of life that can’t be done anything about.

[january 31st, 2012]

"how are you supposed to cheer up if you don't know why you're sad in the first place?"

After many pictures with the contents of the laptop out of view, now we can see that he has returned to his usual routine.

After his attempted suicide, even if he decided to not think of it as a big deal, what he did the following days was different than usual. Give himself some comfort, listen to music, not really using his usual distractions. I could say its the closest thing for him to self-care day. I think this experience affected him and he was, if maybe subconsciously, looking for comfort.

But sooner or later, he was bound to go back to his usual routine, since nothing was actually addressed.

About this entry, well its pretty self-explanatory. He often feels sad, even when nothing in particular has happened. Maybe this also happened before he became a hikikomori.

[february 1st, 2012]

"in my world, i am a god"

Another post with a a link to another drawing! But first I’ll take notes from this one.

In the real world, he would be seen as a useless loser that no one would miss, but in his world, he’s the most important being.

So, on one side his statement here could be about having control. The world cannot hurt him if he controls it, but it could also be about having control on his own life, or just having the control to mold the world to how he wants it to be.

On the other, this ‘being god’ thing could be about being important to the world, but I think its more likely its the first option.

In the illustration, he’s drawing while kicking his legs and having a somewhat intense look, so he is enjoying himself but also this is a serious thing! Probably

So, about the drawing linked in question…

Eh, I think i’ll mostly make a note about the things that he likes to draw rather than trying to understand the meaning, because Im tired after all these pictures.

Things to note then

→ Videogame influences

→ Himself with smile, red eyes and a bloody knife (a revenge fantasy or maybe him being able/allowed to defend himself from anyone trying to hurt him)

→japanese text i cannot read (the vid says that this means love apparently)

→ his eyes stabbed out (him being injured? self-harm?)

→ many eyes (feeling of being observed?)

→ tentacle hentai influences?

→ severed limbs

→ bows

→ scribbles

→ cats

→ underwear

→ a grotesque interpretation of that scene from lady and the tramp, maybe

→ a lot of red and black (resist breaking into song)

→ hearts

this reminds me its been a while since I drew something complex... I've been drawing graphics all month... I could give it a try to draw something like this, it seems fun.

[february 6th, 2012]

"bad kitty!"

This is another of the few comedic moments. Not much to say that isnt obvious. He’s calling mewo a bad cat for scratching his face, though he doesn’t look too annoyed about that. Maybe he’s more patient with animals since they don’t act maliciously and thus if she hurt him was because he provoked her? Unlike people, who might have hurt him out of malice and makes him feel wronged and bitter. She’s also his only company, so, that could also be.

With all of this I just wanna note that he might be the kind of person that enjoys/prefers more the company of animals than people.

Not much to say about the picture, though this is the only time he uses a exclamation point. sometimes he might plays with mewo as part of his limited number of activities.

[february 24th, 2012]

"y'know

i wouldn't really mind going outside that much if everyone else wasn�t so stupid"

so his reason to not going outside is due to the people's attitude.

I dont think he believes himself to be intellectually superior to anyone, so by stupid I think he would mean people being rude and unpleasant or withholding arbitrary ideals that don't make sense, like gender norms as an example.

Now, I’ve said he believes the world is unfair, but is it because the world itself is like that or because the people in it make it unfair? I think this is an important distinction, but all of that for later.

In any case, I’ll make a note that people annoy him... (or so he says, but it could be that they make him feel wary)

yeah I know this analysis is lackluster but I was tired.

Btw, for some reason, the picture is signed differently.

[march 5th, 2012]

"life would be so much better if i didn't look like a potato"

this is going back to the sentiment at the beginning. I guess by ‘looking like a potato’ he means that he looks fat… just like he mentioned in the second picture.

I guess these thoughts are like cyclical and he’s going back to the beginning. He might later think about his loneliness, then about his blame, then about what people might think about him, then about his death, and so on until starting again. There’s only so many subjects to think about. He might try to commit suicide again, then he will pretend its not a big deal, and back to the start.

Given this is the last picture before the ‘end’, then I think its just a statement how there’s no really a beginning or end, as long as everything remains the same. Rather than a story, this is just a look at his daily life, and that’s all.

Not much to say about the picture. He looks ashamed and is ashamed of his appearance. Like before, the picture is signed as ‘omori’ now.

[march 14th, 2012]

"no way"

[password is incorrect]

"if i never try, it means i never have to give up

but i guess that makes me a coward anyways"

onto the finale!

In that case, I think I’ll examine these three pictures together, because that’ll be easier and less work for me.

In the first picture, he is seen distressed as he

The fucking program crashed and it didnt save all the nice analysis I had written

Well fuck

So the ending here is about omoriboy giving up access to the blog because the password is incorrect and he from the get go sets himself to failure and so prefers to not try at all than to try again and again and having to accept the humiliation of failure. The story concludes with him considering himself a coward for this. (was he ever called a coward for not following the mentality of never give up? Or he has gone through many failures)

The reason the password is incorrect could be due to him simply mistyping which would make his decision all the more drastic, since he looses access to one of his only sources of entertainment and its not like he is indifferent to that as the first pic shows,which either could mean that he has been a shut in for a long time so his problems have gotten worse to this point or in his memory is fresh all the failures of his life and even something so simple repels him.

The problems with the password could also be due to external factors, like him getting hacked or maybe getting some malware from all the pornsites, but im not sure that would fit thematically but is a possibility.

Or maybe his mom could have done something in this with a misguided idea that taking away his access to the internet will change his shut-in habits.

Its an stereotype to have a shut-in character who is very good at technology so i think it makes him more unique by him showing an average knowledge regarding technology, i like that.

Ok now I remembered to save. Hey now that I think so he also lost access to his tunes :(

and that would be it for the blog! so now I'll go with the comic.

-> OMORI'S STORY

So, omori’s story.

I wont be analyzing every picture like before this time, but rather I’ll look at the entire comic as a general thing.

Omori’s story starts with him being in his white void as usual. In this case, he’s entertaining himself with drawing with crayons when a white wooden door catches his attention.

He decides to open it, and when he does, he finds himself in a colorful place, with a cat watching him, some floating hands reaching him, and a good view of he night sky.

Some people are here and they quickly notice his presence. They look happy to see him and approach him to greet him. The girl grabs him by the wrists, making him blush, but the other two boys snatch him away much to the girl’s annoyance. Mewo is coming along. It all seems to be just playful banter, as the girl soon joins and they all walk side by side like a good group of friends. Omoriboy has some expressions that we have never seen before, looking shy and unsure, but the rest are easy-going and bring him along in their outing. this page is my favorite, is very wholesome!

Firstly they visit some kind of playground and the four of them play with a jumping rope. There’s a lot of other young people around playing with each-other and having fun.

After that they go to the pool and swim around while other people are also swimming or relaxing.

And after so much physical activity, they decide to rest a bit while going to float in space, as friends usually do. There seems to be a firework show around, maybe even some sort of festival or celebration. Until now, omoriboy has looked somewhat perplexed, but here he has a honest smile!

After they have rested, they seem to be heading to their next destination, climbing some sort of hill made out of cats. They run up and omoriboy merrily goes after them.

But when he reaches out for the girl, not only she vanishes, but everything else as well. It seems it was all just a very vivid daydream. Omoriboy now stands alone in his white room, with a bunch of drawings on the floor.

With a close up, all these drawings are of the places he had been daydreaming about, as well as a drawing of the people that so easily included him.

Now we see his face, simply looking down at these drawings with a tired expression.

He falls to his knees and longingly reaches out for the drawings. His expression first is neutral, but then he grits his teeth, his bangs obscuring his face. He then curls down (is that the word?) as the camera zooms out, letting us see a gigantic and empty white void of nothing but a lonely guy, his cat, and a bunch of drawings of everything he doesnt have.

So what can we conclude from all of this?

On one hand, that omoriboy is terrible at coming up with names, which is a very convenient character trait as Im also terrible at coming up with names, so that means I dont have to make an effort on that regard.

On the other hand, despite the reputation that omoriboy has, his fantasy is very tame and childish. And well, its not really a comic hard to understand.

All he dreams of is having people that are willing to accept him even when he’s different from them (if he wanted to be like everyone else, I think he would be changing color palette to be purple, but no, he remains the same, clearly different from everyone else but no one cares), people that include him in their outings and encourage him to have fun even when its not something familiar to him. So, all he wants is to have friends to have fun with in a nonjudgmental world.

Now that I think so, you know how many people have said that they would like to have a group of friends like the main gang? I think omoriboy shares the sentiment.

Though other way to see this is that he daydreams of the childhood that he didn’t get to have, but its not like these interpretations are conflicting.

Sadly, all of this its just a dream�� at least as of now, there’s no much evidence that these characters have real-life counterparts. For all we know, they’re completely imaginary. But at least mewo is there.

the comic speaks for itself. Just loneliness and the longing for human connection.

there's something I've been thinking about, back when I analyzed the song 'fix you' and while still wondering what he entails by 'help.'

the songs selection give me the impression that Omoriboy wants support, someone to be there for him to acknowledge his pain and comfort him.

but the idea of help might feel conditional for him. there will be someone there for him, but only if he makes an effort in changing. depression must sap his energy away, so the idea of doing anything is exhausting for him. he cannot get support if he doesnt go get it, and he's just too tired. it makes him feel pressured to change when he doesnt feel ready, but people dont listen him to him and keep insisting for him to change, which even if well-meaning, will only make him feel like he isn't being listened.

so I was thinking, maybe what he meant was 'I don't need help to change, I need support'

this idea still needs examination, but Im still sure he would like to have some unconditional support, one that lets him stay flawed and still offer understanding.

I think I explained myself like shit but hopefully you understand where Im getting at. basically 'you'll get support only if you fix yourself' vs ' I'll support you now as you are'

so the same sentiment, being accepted the way he is, with all his flaws.

(as a separate note, depending on how much you separate omoriboy from Sunny, then in certain way he did get what he wanted so much, after being reworked into Sunny: a loving family, a nice neighbourhood and a group of friends who accepted him just the way he was…

There’s this real good trick for angst, which says to give your character that which they want the most, so you can take it away from them in the worst way possible. its seems they followed this philosophy)

There were a couple more stuff with omoriboy, but later on, after some point, he was separated into two characters and for some years that would be it for him.

But surprisingly, there’s a recent picture of him now!

-> omoriboy?! in MY 202x?! (I dont remember when this was posted and Im too lazy to check)

There’s a few differences with the previous pictures. First, there’s a few new objects: a tv, some furniture, a console which I think is a super nintendo with a cartridge on it, and our good omoboy is laying inside a box. The laptop is completely absent, so I guess he truly never touched it ever again. The lightbulb is also missing, but I’ve jus kinda ignored it all this time. The game already has all its symbolism so in my fic its just a burnt lightbulb (is that the term for a lightbulb that doesnt work well?)

Otherwise, he’s the same as ever, playing videogames with a bored expression. According to the wiki this file is named giygas so I guess he’s playing mother 2, or he’s replaying it after having played it so many times he feels absolutely nothing at this poignant moment of the game.

Now there’s something that catches my attention, and that’s the text you can see written on the box. It seems to say ‘ I feel HAPPY’. Did he write it? Why? In the blog he’s pretty honest about how he feels, even when his feelings are conflicting. That’s the whole point, that he can be genuine and doesnt have to hide how awful he feels. This seems strange coming from him. Its obviously a lie, but is he trying to lie to someone? To himself? To the viewer? Or is he sarcastic?

There’s also the static that covers the whole image, which was never present before (in this way at least, if you’re reading the censored version).

I remember there was another thing I thought back when it was posted. First, I jokingly said something along the lines of ‘in ten years, nothing has changed!’ but its the kind of thing that when you think twice, it isnt funny anymore.

Ten years have passed, and nothing has changed.

It wouldn’t be a surprise to know his mental health has gotten even worse, and now has opted to try and delude himself that he’s satisfied with his life, or that maybe he’s even loosing his grasp in reality. That would explain why the tv seems to be dripping (at first it scared me because it looked to me like battery acid, but if it was then it wouldnt be working… and do tv’s even have a battery inside?) in certain way, isnt it a silent scream?

but at least mewo is there with him!… but cats only live so much time. how much longer will she be there?

and that's all for omoriboy as of now, until we see him next time... if there's a next time.

-> IN CONCLUSION

I still have some more stuff to do, but now the bulk of the character analysis is done. I still have some unanswered questions, but after Im done with writing the character profile I think then I’ll have a better feel of what the correct answer, either by what feels more in character or whats more fitting for the theme of the story.

Now I have a lot of ideas for the protagonist’s backstory, the place he has grown in and his relationships, I even have a good deal of what his mother’s story is, but I also have the problem that I dont have an actual plot for the fic itself, just a vague idea of the beginning and end, but Im not too worried about that.

As an actual conclusion though, I believe omoriboy has some excellent angst potential that isnt being explored! When I looked up the tag in ao3, there were many crackfics, smutfics, shipfics but not much that actually was what I wanted, gut-wrenching angst. Only three fics ended up catching my attention, but if anything my whole fanfic writing career started because I couldnt find the fic I wanted to read so, its not problem for me. by the end of it, I hope to make the readers feel a deep sense of emptiness, so I have a goal in mind.

there's also some stuff I wanna investigate more:

1- porn addiction.

I have wondered if omoriboy has a porn addiction but since I dont know its actual definition, which its sure more complex than 'watching a lot of porn' then it seemed like a good chance to learn more. if anything, it will be funny to make yt believe I have a porn addiction.

2-hikikomori

its never bad to learn more

3-incel mentality

its not a priority but its really bothering me. is he an incel or not? its not important for my fic so I could skip it but leaving a question unanswered will drive me mad.

I think it also would be fun to make a chart comparing omoriboy and Sunny.

for now I’ll take a rest of omoriboy because this has taken a lot of effort.

hopefully this has been an interesting read for you!

#omori #omoriboy #maybe I should have made a tag for these kind of notes #oh well its too late now

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