#i broke down entirely
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I’m still processing how it happened and wondering what it all means, but today a big pink hamfaced English guy tried to fight Dr Glass in a parking lot (!) and a completely unrelated, amazingly tall woman appeared (!!) and charged the other guy in defense of Dr Glass (!!!) shouting at him so effectively that he got in his car and drove off.
Dr Glass doesn’t look like anything in particular or even do that much, he is so ORDINARY. He just emits some kind of magnetic field that causes Events, and yet the magnetic field also creates feedback that insulates him from the Events. Doesn’t even have to do his own fight scenes!! just magnetically attracts a TALL BRAVE WOMAN to destroy the entire fighting premise. No one can prepare for this. I feel like I’m the only person who notices it
#dr glass lore reveals#the premise of the fight was that the other guy almost hit me with his car and objected to Dr Glass’s objection#there was a lot of nuanced British masculinity in play but basically there was a big differential#in types of guy that made it even more awkward#best possible solution was this unhinged one. lady appears out of nowhere#offended that anyone would even try to punch Dr Glass. shouts aggressor down and leaves.#unrelated to all parties unconnected to the venue unbothered by the narrative#dispute the premise. exit.#I admired her tremendously not least because my role in the nuanced British carpark rumble was going to have to be a very complex one#the partner of the classier person can do a WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE? GET IN THE CAR gambit if they carry themselves well#but before i even stepped up to the chessboard this woman broke the fourth wall entirely. thank you ma’am#🫡
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I hc that after Bruce’s infamous spine-breaking fight with Bane, all the Batkids pitch in and get Bruce one of those super bougie gamer chairs for the Bat-Computer. Like this thing is all leather, it’s got cup holders and LED lights, and that bad boy swivels smoother than butter.
It’s also bright fucking red. Robin red.
#Bruce hates it but it has great back back support and after he broke his spine he NEEDS to be comfy in that chair#he pouts for an entire week abt it#all his kids cackle#I bet they also put a bunch of stickers on the back that say I love Gotham and stuff like that#Barbra feels bad and gets him a file cabinet as an actual glad-you-aren’t-dead present and Bruce loves that infinitely more#I love silly grumpy dad bruce Wayne#dc#dc comics#bruce wayne#batman#batfamily#dick grayson#batfamily headcannons#tim drake#jason todd#damian wayne#barbra gordon#stephanie brown#Duke Thomas#cassandra cain#bruce wayne headcanon#batdad#batman family#black bat#batfam#batman comics#OH and bruce does the signature dad groan whenever he sits down
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Every time someone writes anything re: the Arrows (esp Ollie) and treat it like they have these like Bat-level strict morals or just otherwise being really "strictly principled"???? it drives me crazy. Like I don't wanna be "you haven't read the comics" but... They haven't.
Ollie, very famously, killed not only Parallax (something which was very difficult for him bcs Hal was his friend, for all their fighting), but also the Electrocutioner (for killing Lian, maiming Roy, and destroying most of his city). There was that whole thing in Crossroads when he worked with Huntress, Catwoman, and Deathstroke, and was killing criminals with guns! Killed a man torturing Dinah! Hell, even further, at least once he helped someone who he considered to have been justified in killing someone escape the law!
I'm pretty sure literally all of his proteges have harder lines than he does (Jason criticizes Mia for limiting her angles to non-lethal in Seeing Red, Oliver being shown to use more brutal methods in a team up with Roy in comic I admittedly don't remember the exact name of & Connor disapproved of Ollie training with the guy who trained Deathstroke to learn the "killing arts" re: 1YL, tho idr if that was more of a killing disapproval or a "dad, really, this guy is awful tho???" kinda deal. Uhhh... Emiko might be an exception to this probably, at least inasmuch as you can consider those two his proteges given I don't think Ollie really trained them that much/they mostly came to him like that). Hell, when Mia killed someone he wasn't mad about her killing so much as that it was her (an innocent kid) that did it!
In the marriage comic, Dinah had apparently killed Ollie in self-defense! (Before concluding that it hadn't been him despite all evidence to the contrary, ect., ect., ect.)
Roy worked for the gov't and definitely killed for them when it was called for. Fell in love with an assassin and walked away instead of turning her in or killing her like he was probably supposed to do despite knowing she'd likely go on to keep killing more people (You could call this a statement on his love for her, which on some level, yeah, but on the other level shows that his lines aren't so well-defined.) The only reason he hadn't killed the Electrocutioner himself is bcs Ollie got there first. For all the complaints re: RHATO/RH&A they are still considered current canon (to an extent, I think some specific things around it might be retconned?) & he has killed in there too.
Emiko as a former assassin/being trained & raised to be a "perfect killer" by Shado I feel is rather self-explanatory.
There's probably more but I'm runnin' out of steam here. Anyways. My point is that while they're not exactly actively murderous vigilantes, they FAR from have some kind of no-kill rule. They'll typically try something else first, but when lines are crossed (like their family) or there doesn't appear to be a better solution that would actually work, they're plenty willing. They're not "Batfam 2.0 but lamer and not as powerful," which seems to be the predominant interpretation most of the time.
EDIT: I have a confession to make, I mis-cited who Ollie killed. I forgot there were TWO GUYS involved bcs it's been so long and it's not exactly a storyline I like revisiting, so they sort of blended in to my mind. The one who tore off Roy's arm, as well as sent the order to set off the bomb that killed Lian was Prometheus, and THAT'S the one who Ollie killed. Roy most definitely did in fact end up killing the Electrocutioner, who was the trigger man who pushed the actual button to set it off, and for a brief period did in fact go on to try and kill Deathstroke before he came to terms with Lian's death. Ollie did also have some regret for killing Prometheus and did try to stop Roy, because he felt that it was a pointless revenge which... tbh considering some of his other things I'm like "okay buddy, little hypocritical there but you are nothing if not a knowingly flawed man trying to do the best by those around him."
#dc#dc meta#oliver queen#green arrow#Roy Harper#Arsenal#Red Arrow#Speedy#arrowfam#Mashing Meta Bones With Axel#yes Ollie did also have a mental breakdown the first time he killed an animal as a child and again later when he first killed a criminal#Both of which were Accidents. & after Parallax bcs Hal. & felt that he didn't fit with the JL anymore bcs of Crossroads.#& IIRC he did get imprisoned for Electrocutioner & accepted it w/o remorse#Mia also broke down after her kill! She begged Ollie to tell her it had to be done bcs that was the only reason she did it!#Connor is probably the Most Hesitant to kill in the entire family I think. Him &/or Mia. Possibly Lian but she also is Baby and should Not.#I am so so so so sos sos os sos so so so tired of fanon (esp batfanon) giving them a no kill rule#I Might be CURRENTLY more fixated on bats rn but my love for the Arrows is eternal.#Yeah they're largely liberal hippie freaks (said as an affectionate Joke) but. Not so liberal they ain't got a very sharp stick for badguys#or the occasional bullet. Which both Ollie & Roy have used at various points of their history.
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how. how am i supposed to survive when THIS
is how stolas and vias relationship ends for the season. how. i have my head in my hands. i cannot do this.
#guys#vias song ate so hard#but#i have tears running down my face#jesus fucking christ#im DEVESTATED#the entire time via and stolas were fighting was.#heartbreaking#and the end#stolas's sobbing#broke me#hats off to the voice actor#BUT STILL#holy shit i just want them to be okay#i cant do this.#sinsmas#helluva boss#stolitz#octavia#stolas#helluva boss sinsmas#hb sinsmas
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i just remembered that canonically, sirius got to godrics hollow after hagrid.
which means that after he had his godson taken away from him (bc lbr that’s exactly what hagrid and dumbledore’s orders basically did) then he went into the house and saw james and lily’s dead bodies alone. no buffer in the form of harry crying out for his parents or even the godfatherly instinct of making sure his kid is alright.
he was there, with his brother and friend’s cooking body, all alone. stewing in grief and pain and rage and guilt. ALONE.
do we even know how long he was there? for all we know, he could’ve been catatonic right there besides james all day.
#sirius black#james potter#like. it hit me bc we usually do the whole ‘harry’s crying took him out of his shock’ scene#which i love ofc#and what i’ve always read#but in reality#sirius DIDNT have that#he was in his head the whole time#do u hear that sound#it’s my heart shattering in a million pieces#can u imagine????#sirius’ ENTIRE WORLD#LYING THERE#D E A D#and then imagine the onslaught of guilt#that it was HIS fault#is it any wonder he tracked down peter????#that he broke down in hysterical laughter when he was caught#like ‘OF COURSE i fucked this up as well i can’t do anything right’#he lost harry too u guys 😭😭😭#he wasn’t even reckless he was just so so grief stricken#that literally nothing mattered#god i have so many thoughts ab this rn#so many feels#once again i am unearthing more tragic reasons to cry ab sirius blck tonight#i have been in a Mood these days huh#pen’s notes
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you got a fast car // i want a ticket to anywhere maybe we can make a deal // maybe together we can get somewhere
#cp2077#cyberpunk 2077#cp2077 photomode#cp2077 screenshots#cyberpunk screenshots#cyberpunk 2077 photomode#cp2077 oc#cp2077 edit#masc v#male v#maddox de vasconcelos schaeffer#there'd be so many more pics of him in the badlands if the lighting there didn't wash him out to hell n back ngl#the amount of TIMES the shot ended up overexposing itself even though i had the game exposure cranked all the way down#and i ended up having to redo the lighting again and again but the overexposure wouldn't go away anymore#grr snarl etc#also the nibbles replacer broke for me so my new year's resolution of taking more couple shots is off to a bad start#tbh i imagine he's moving an entire truck full of server racks around when he's moving camp#anyway i think i'll reblog this with some more lore attached later
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Dysfunctional family au— showdown aftermath, one week later
#art-zu#animation vs animator#animator vs animation#Dysfunctional family au#I decided to name the au dysfunctional family au cuz why not#This is the au where blue hour happened#Not entirely canon in the au just yet im still not sure if i wanna keep this scenario or not#But i drew it anyway cuz i was having thoughts#I hope its very clear that chosen wanted to strangle second here#Cuz what do you mean you dont know you dont know our brother died? You dont know you killed my brother? My brother my first best friend my#little brother you killed him and you do not have the decency to remember it? How dare you how dare you how dare you how dare you how dare y#Anyways second broke down. Chosen comforted them and sent them to sleep all the while he's mad at second. Mad at dark. Mad at dark for how#second turned like this. Mad at himself for letting this happen. Just mad mad mad mad mad mad seething furious upset vitriol in his blood#Poison in his lungs hole in his heart and it aches it aches it aches it aches it aches it aches it aches it ach#Anyways i swear im normal BAHHAHAHAH
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Okay, bear with me for a moment here.
So we know He Xuan was supposed to be the one to ascend before Shi Wudu stole his fate and made Shi Qingxuan become the Windmaster to save him.
So He Xuan would've originally become the god instead, by that logic. And He Xuan knew what happened, he knew he was supposed to be the one to ascend etc - hence his entire vendetta against the brothers.
But then his ghost name now is Black Water Sinking Ships. So essentially, he turned the water element into something sinister and evil.
Who is the Water Master? Shi Wudu.
So why is it not something to do with wind if he knew that was the god who got the place originally intended for him? Because he actually doesn't resent Shi Qingxuan and doesn't blame him in the slightest for what happened. He took water here for a reason...
#obviously tin foil hat delulu time - but 'tis a thought#but I like to think he actually had a hard time doing all of this to Sqx#because deep down he actually doesnt hate him#and realized the guy is just clueless and frolicking about in the heavens#this entire arc broke my heart and I still cant let it go#;; rambles#mxtx#tgcf#tian guan ci fu#heaven official's blessing#shi qingxuan#he xuan#ming yi#beefleaf#tgcf sqx
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Man, I feel like every clip I see from Pints with Aquinas lately Matt Fradd is demeaning women. Really sad to see it, I used to love his interviews :/
#lilac rambles#pints with aquinas#matt fradd#catholic#if anyone knows of anyone who has adressed this (not a paid substack. im very broke rn and only looking for podcast type things)#please let me know about it#honestly it feels like every other day someone i really admired turns to our polarized culture of hate#i was watching his recent interview with jason evert and jason is saying all these beautiful things about how the women he's encountering#who are dressing immodestly or being promiscuous or engaging in the culture are deeply wounded and matt just keeps jumping in with all these#reminders that yeah thats great and all but dont forget women suck too#and like. we know! we know the ways we suck! the entire red pilled manosphere spends a lot of time pointing it out to us!#but if you dont want women constantly pointing out the ways men have failed us then for the love of goodness please stop taking every moment#where someone is talking about female woundedness to talk about Why All Women Except Your Wife And Friends' Wives Suck#im just feeling very let down
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did every hero really follow endeavor's plan during the jail break? I've never watched bnha, but I always figured there were more heros then Japan knew what do with. Was endeavor really just that worried about how the fight again AFO would go? and did AFO have the league with him? or other prison escapees? Given eraserhead was so entrenched?
As a preliminary matter--yes, it was way more than AfO. The League basically did what they did during the USJ arc and subcontracted their violent attacks. They needed a big force to first get AfO and everyone else out of Tartarus, and then they made it very clear (via loudspeaker and also fucking tweet) that they would all be very peacefully retreating while all those criminally insane and violent motherfuckers went that other direction. Ball's in your court as to how you want to tackle it.
AfO was the biggest threat, by fucking far, but it was far from isolated to him. It was the entire League of Villains + Their Very Special Friends. It was the kind of force that would be required to make the entirety of Tartarus fall for the first time in history. So the heroes had plenty to keep them busy.
And as to whether Endeavor was that scared about the next fight with AfO... Yeah.
I think bnha does a good job at establishing that All Might and AfO just exist at entirely different levels than every other person alive. Their fight leveled a decent chunk of Kamino. And I think that's kind of power and devastation is hard to conceptualize as like, people in a world where we don't have to worry about superhero fights. (as a side note--Sukuna's Big Fight in the Shibuya arc from JJK did better than any other fight in media to really capture the sheer cosmic horror of being caught as a bystander in one of those fights).
But endeavor saw it. He was there for AfO’s and All Might’s last fight. The gods were fighting. Everyone else was just an ant.
He is facing the villain that ultimately took down All Might. All Might won Kamino, sure. But he didn't get up again after. He was permanently and irreversibly taken out of play. And Endeavor has spent the last year feeling like he was struggling to be even half of what All Might was with two hours of productivity a day. He was so consistently voted to not be able to compare to All Might that he bought a wife and had four kids about it, all of whom hate him actively.
He does not think he is winning this fight. He is Japan's number one hero. The responsibility is going to fall to Midoriya Izuku to him. He is the best they have left, and the fight that would be coming was one that already nearly killed All Might, the one guy he has never ever been able to compare to. And when he really looked himself in the mirror and asked if he could stop AfO, the answer was no.
And it wouldn't just be AfO if he came back to power. It would be his followers--and he was liable to get more than just the current League of Villains roster. It would mean more Nomus. They could barely handle one Nomu--how could they possibly handle the Nomus, and the LoV, and AfO?
And the answer that he came to was that they couldn't. Not without All Might.
He thought he was sacrificing Yokohama for every single other city AfO was going to level if he had time to grow in strength again. He thought that if they threw absolutely everything they had at him while he was weak, then maybe they could contain him and the League before entire cities fell.
So. That's why he came to that decision. Why did every hero fall into line?
So what’s key to what happened here was it was this complete structural breakdown at exactly the wrong time.
Structural Flaw #1: Transportation
Was it every hero in Japan that responded to Endeavor’s order? No. But not every hero in Japan was available. Any heroes out of the immediate area were too far away to do shit.
But it's a massive crisis. Heroes would commute from all over if they could--but it's not about desire, it's about time and resources. With how imminently emergent the threat was, a lot of far-away heroes would need something like a jet to even conceivably get there in time.
Who is sending the jet?
Let's pin down what heroes could, conceivably, get there in time. Very few heroes are in walking distance. How do heroes typically get from Point A to Point B?
Hero society in bnha is an agency model. There is no communal pool of resources--you have what your agency has. You have a jet to transport you if your agency has the money for one, and I’m pretty sure only all might had that (he has since had it dismantled and the parts repurposed for the sake of the environment. He only had it to begin with so he could quickly respond to imminent threats. All Might thinks there's more than one way to save the world and saving the environment is part of it). Like. We even saw Endeavor flying fucking commercial.
But let's just assume, arguendo, that some agencies have jets. It would have to be the very top agencies to possibly afford it.
All of whom are shown in canon to mostly operate out of the same area. So they're going to have to send the jet somewhere else to get more heroes. Now any travel time is doubled. If they do send it out, how many people are they realistically getting? Are these heroes in multiple different cities? That's more travel time then. Maybe we just land the plane in Kyoto and whoever gets on in the twenty minute period while they're refueling is who is coming back. We'll hand them parachutes and kick them out the plane door over Yokohama. Okay. Good plan. Go team.
Who is sending the jet?
Like, who is physically making the call to send the jet? Who do they call? Do they just start ringing around their buddies and seeing if they have other plans? The city is on fucking fire and we need people fighting now, so the big name heroes don't have time to organize transport with other agencies. They’re not even thinking of that right now. Make it a sidekick's job.
They are all on fucking strike.
Fuck it. Fine. Make it an admin's job. There has to be some kind of office staff who can work a telephone who's available.
Who is thinking to send the jet?
Admins are not making strategic calls about where the company jets go. There would have to be some kind of protocol in place or someone with the authority to send the jet would have to think of it in the moment. And I guarantee you this would not be the case.
Because this is a society where they have canonically semi-privatized public safety and put people in direct competition with each other over it.
ASIDE: The Economic Structure of Heroics and Why It Sucks
I have an economic structure. You must listen to it. I promise it is relevant. This is why it takes me forever to do things it's because i get too deep into the weeds and have to explain the fucking economic structures underpinning the analysis for my nonsense to make sense.
How the fuck do heroes get paid?
I have no idea if canon ever tells us because to be so for real with you guys I have not watched this show in years. I haven’t cared about canon since the Shie Hassaikai arc. The fucking YouTuber arc broke me. I literally never watched it again. If they ever explain to us how heroes get paid I do not know and I do not care. I refuse to go back to canon. Everything I found out about canon after the Shie Hassaikai arc, I learned against my will. The ending to this story was so fucking stupid and I only have a scattered knowledge of the details but I’m still right. If canon ever tries to explain it then please do not tell me, I refuse to learn more things about this show.
But I still like poking around the potential economic structures based on the part of canon that doesn’t cause me psychic damage. So here’s the thought process for the economic underpinnings of hero society in the pez universe.
From canon, we know it can be an enormously lucrative profession, we know that it involves some degree of private interests (re: merch lines), and we know that there are some people who cannot have merch lines (Underground Heroes, e.g. Eraserhead), so there also must be some kind of public funding aspect to it as well. So. Who the fuck signs your paycheck?
Sources of Funding
a. Public Funding
There must be some kind of official governmental budget for heroics. Like. They are very much a public service. There would be no way to have a fully private heroics force without government funding. What else are you supposed to do, fucking Venmo heroes after they save you? Do they put your kitten back in the tree if you don’t have enough.
In my mind, there's public funds allocated to heroes as part of a city's budget. That funding is allotted based on the number of employees in a given entity balanced against the confirmed acts of heroics of that same given entity. There’s a base salary level and that can be increased based on how successful you are, but salary isn’t exclusively what this fund is for. The heroic entity (an individual hero or an Agency) is effectively receiving grant money from the government to run their agency. You put it into salaries, gear, office space, everything. The government is basically investing in heroes, and it’s investing more in heroes who are shown to have a greater positive impact on society.
It involves overly complex calculations regarding the scaled difficulty of a given bust/rescue/act and ranking of the villain (if there is one) and the overall public benefit for the service rendered. You get bonuses for having a lower average property damage, for contributing to community building projects, that kind of thing. It is Complex. There is a lot of paperwork that has to be submitted to strange and vaguely threatening government accountants. When Mirio and Izuku start their agency, they will burst into tears multiple times trying to figure it out once filing season rolls around, bundle all the paperwork in a Massive Tears And Shame Package, mail it off to the shadowy powers at be, and then get a perfunctory notice that they are getting a ludicrous amount of the city budget allotted to their dinky little agency for the upcoming fiscal year because they are Big Fucking Heroes and enormously good at what they do and it reflects in their stats. They will then lay on the ground of their haunted fucking office and stare at the ceiling for a very long period of time.
But this puts the heroes in competition with each other. Your public funding is chained to your stats under this model. There's only so many criminals out there--you've got to get the right numbers or it cuts into how much of a slush fund the agency is working with.
It's sort of an insane model for a public servant position, but I think it matches with what canon shows us. Imagine having firefighters pitted against each other. like, having a competitive model for public safety raises extreme concerns about how it incentivizes public servants to act.
But this isn't canon's model. It's my guess as to how canon works based on the hints i can remember and my own mental illness. So why do I think canon suggests a model like this?
It's because 1) canon does establish that heroes are in competition with one another and 2) this kind of model would likely be necessary due to the level of autonomy that heroes have.
The literal first fight we see involves heroes in competition with each other. Kamui Woods is doing a big Ultimate Move, and Mount Lady rushes in and steals the show. Like. that is crazy behavior if we are looking at this through the lens of a typical public servant. Imagine you're trying to get directions from a park ranger and a different park ranger kick flips in with a map and a desperate need for you to get your directions from them instead. You call poison control and they’re beating each other in the head over who gets to tell you you’re dying.
Still, on its own, the competition isn’t dispositive, because the private income streams (we'll get there) would incentivize competition even if public funding wasn't based on it. But the level of autonomy that hero offices exhibit also suggest some kind of competition model.
Heroics agencies are not run like a typical police force or fire station. With most entities that function as first responders, they respond to some kind of centralized force (like 911 call centers) and they have highly regulated resource distribution. Like, police forces are restricted to a specific jurisdiction. Within that jurisdiction they have multiple districts and officers typically stay in their district. They're not going to a different fucking city because they think the crime is cooler there.
But Endeavor does exactly that. He's like "hello, son who hates me. Let's go to Hosu because I want to fuck with the hero killer for street cred. won't you come along. It is non-optional" and todoroki says "i hate you father and will abandon you on our father son trip to set a serial killer on fire with my mind. it will be for mildly gay reasons."
These agencies aren't a centralized public service. They are all just off doing their own thing. They're not responding to specific areas as allotted to them by the city--they just fuck off and do whatever. Like, there's probably some coordination between agencies as to who is covering what patrol, but it likely would be more out of courtesy than formal requirement. People wouldn't step on each other's toes nearly as much if there was more of a structure to this.
Typical public agencies who receive funding in accordance with staffing and budgetary needs have more structure and formality than is exhibited in canon. Heroics Agencies act like they're all independent contractors. They probably function like grant money recipients, where they're all fighting for the same pool of funds. You have to write in and show why you deserve that money when that's the case. They're in competition with each other.
Like, is this definitively the structure in canon? No, of course not. I have no fucking idea what, if anything, canon has going on. But it definitely fits with canon.
b. Private Income Streams
We know from canon that it can't just be public funding. Izuku alone probably paid for the Mighty Agency private jet with how much fucking all might merch he bought. Canonically, heroes have merchandise lines, branding deals, commercials, everything. All Might had fucking movies made about him. Those are all extremely lucrative income streams--and likely where the richest heroes get the biggest brunt of their income.
In order to get this kind of income, you are necessarily in competition with your fellow hero.
Public attention, spending money, screen time, all of it--it's a limited resource. You have to be the person who gets to the fight first, who does the big move, who saves the day. If it's someone else? Then that's another kid buying their action figure instead of yours. Heroics is heavily commoditized in canon, and that inherently invites competition.
2. Distribution of Funds
So now that we have a theory as to where the money comes from, how does it get paid out? Based on canon, it comes down to a structure of (a) Independent/Underground Heroes and (b) Agencies.
a. Independent/Underground Heroes
I can't actually remember if the word "independent" is said in canon or if I came up with it, but I think canon implies its existence. It's basically the same thing as being an underground hero, but you're still a Spotlight hero. I also cannot remember if the underground/spotlight thing is canon or fanon or what I’m sorry I haven’t watched this show in years.
Independents are spotlight heroes without the backing of an agency. They just go out every day with the clothes on their back and a dream. They have no support staff, no back up, and no one to help them if things go sideways.
It is not a popular employment option.
Part of it is because it's that much harder to fund being an independent. Like. Say you're just out of high school and you decide to strike out on your own as independent. You're still spotlight, so you can have a merchandise line, and that'd be a nice income stream while you're just starting out.
How the fuck do you start your own t-shirt line?
How do you make contracts with the manufacturers? How do you make and copyright the design? how do you sell the stupid things? Do you try and get them in Walmart? Do you start an Etsy? Your own website? do you call your mom and cry when you have 500 ugly t-shirts with your face on them that no one wants to buy and they're taking up all the space in your studio apartment.
Agencies have preexisting structures in place to help launch these kinds of options, which is one of the reasons why they're so attractive for baby heroes just starting out. The only reason why Mirio has merchandise is because he decided that he didn't care and didn't need to make merch and Izuku came after him with feverish crack addict energy because he cared and he needed Lemillion merch like. yesterday. All Might ended up getting his agency to start a lemillion line. Mirio gets the profits with a reasonable fee to the Mighty Agency. To this day he suspects that Izuku is 70% of his sales but Izuku denies this fervently, like a liar (he actually has a small but very devoted fanbase who rabidly support him and buy all of his merch. he would cry if he knew this. Still. Izuku is his biggest fan and buys literally every single piece of new merch in triplicate.).
Underground heroes are in the same boat as independents but they don't even have the option of a merch line. They exclusively get public funding unless they're backed by an agency, which none of them are because agencies have a tendency to fuck them and their busts for the sake of the spotlight. All underground heroes are bitter and culturally opposed to agencies.
On that note:
b. Agencies.
This is where by far the most heroes would end up. But an agency is like thirty dudes with the same joint bank account. How does the money get there and get distributed out?
i. Public Funding in an Agency Context
Take the above model. How do you attribute public funds based on personal statistics if there's no single person? Does everyone get their own check? But that wouldn't make sense--this isn't just for salaries, it's for funding the actual heroics itself.
Everyone under the same agency would be counted together for the purposes of funding allotment. If Sidekick A managed 300 busts last year and Sidekick B man managed 350 busts, then congratulations, The Big Hero Hero Agency made 650 busts last year, here's a check made out to the agency, figure out what you want to do with it.
But what about incidents that involve multiple heroes from the same agency? Let's say that The Big Hero Hero Agency is involved in a big bust. It is Sidekick A's baby. They have spent months doing this. This has been blood, sweat, and tears. When the day comes, they are joined by Sidekick B, Sidekick C, and Big Hero himself. Sidekick B has been helping Sidekick A for the past three weeks on this case. Sidekick C got called in the day-of to help.
Big Hero showed up for the last twenty minutes of the fight when they were mostly done with everything.
So. You're filling out the post-arrest paperwork. For funding and for public statistics, you need to make sure to properly account for who gets credit for the bust. It has to be one person--if you had everyone individually credit themselves for the bust, then it looks like you've resolved four incidents instead of one under this financial model. it's artificially inflating your numbers for public funding. that's fraud. Who should get the credit: Sidekick A, Sidekick B, Sidekick C, or Big Hero?
Well, there's nothing stopping Big Hero from writing their own name. So let's go with Big Hero. He helped.
This was one of the big sources of the sidekick strikes: a lot of agencies had an absolute policy of attributing successes to the name hero if they touched the case at all, because there was no rule against it. It was better for the agency, after all--unrealistically high numbers on the biggest name meant the agency as a whole appeared more successful.
So there were a lot of heroes artificially inflating their stats with things that were more properly credited to their sidekicks. Which made it all the harder for sidekicks to leave because their stats were shit because their boss was taking credit for their work.
ii. Private Funding in an Agency Context
But that’s just public funding. How would agencies distribute private income streams?
Big Hero Agency is proud to announce its newest line of Big Hero Action Figures, featuring the Entire Big Hero Team, now retailing for $39.99. Get it now from a store near you.
So. An agency is selling an action figure line featuring Sidekicks A, B, and C, as well as Big Hero himself. We’ll round up to an even $40. How do we split up the cash?
You can’t give everyone each $10. You have to first pay the suppliers, the advertisers, the trucks that shipped the toys to the store, etc. Then you have to pay back into the agency to fund miscellaneous expenses—the stationary, the insurance, the coffee in the fucking break room. Everything. By the end, there’s only $4 of profit left over. Not great, but hey—they’re selling a lot of toys. So if they each get a $1, then it should add up quick.
Right. But. If you think about it, people are only really buying it for Big Hero. He’s the best hero of all of them—his name is on the agency, and just look at how much higher his stats are. So it’s only fair that he gets $3.70 a toy and the rest of them can get $.10 apiece. Don’t worry, it’ll add up quick.
Not all agencies would have been like this. But a lot of them would be. Money is a hell if an incentive to screw people.
END OF ASIDE.
With all that in mind—why would they feasibly have a structure to fly in help from other heroes far away? That’s their fucking competition. Sure, we have team ups, but they’re all either well in advance or in the heat of a moment. If they are in the heat of a moment, half the time the heroes resent it because they just stole their fight. They’re gonna what—pay the exorbitant jet fees to fly in someone who’s just going to steal their hard work in the eyes of the public?
Okay, but what about situations like this? Massive emergencies where you need more people?
Those haven’t ever happened before. They had All Might.
So. The heroes on the ground calling in help are out. What about the heroes who are close enough to make it there by ground transport? No one calls them, they just show up out of public need. How are they getting there?
Trains are out. All the trains into the area are shut the fuck down. We are not giving the freshly escaped villains a bullet train to the rest of the country. Same thing for buses. No fucking bus driver is making their regular route into a fucking battleground.
Private transportation it is. Anything more than a few hours out of the area is completely out of the question. Like, good ol’ Manuel from Hosu City and all his buddies? Not making it. The wild wild pussycats? Watched this on TV from their mountain home. Gran Torino? On FaceTime with All Might, who is watching the fight with Midoriya Inko’s hand gripped in his left and Bakugou Mitsuki’s hand gripped in his right. Gang Orca? Twelve hours away and on a fucking island so he needs a boat AND a car to get there. Or he just fucking swims.
But there has to be at least some hero that saw this happening and heroically climbed in their Mazda sedan to make the three hour car trip. Why didn’t they go to the fight in Yokohama instead of the one against AfO?
Frankly at that point those literal children were visibly doing way better than the actual heroes were faring and any heroes showing up went where they were most needed and uh. It wasn’t by the kids.
If we have the agency model as given to us by canon, then that means there is a decentralization of resources. If you want to utilize your public defense force in the case of emergencies, then you need a way to fucking get them to the emergency. Canon does not have that. This is a huge structural failing that only wasn’t a disaster sooner because most emergencies required one guy and he had his own private jet. So most heroes in the country never had to even consider if they would listen to Endeavor’s order because they were completely cut off and useless at the time.
So. Now the analysis has been narrowed from all of Japan’s heroes to just the ones in the immediate vicinity of the fight. That’s still a fuck ton of heroes. This is a heavily populated area with a bunch of heroes around. You can’t go outside without tripping over a hero.
Most of those guys were on fucking strike.
Structural Flaw #2: Over-Reliance on and Abuse of Sidekicks.
The vast majority of the workforce had to be sidekicks. Like, just from a business model perspective. Even the smallest agencies we saw had 2-3 sidekicks. Endeavor’s agency had at least double digits, and I think Idaten was at over a hundred or something. We were probably looking at, conservatively, a 1:10 ratio of heroes to sidekicks.
All those guys are on strike.
Okay. But not all of them, right? Idaten already settled and got their sidekicks back. That’s like a hundred guys.
Except the Strike was not isolated to the Tokyo/Mustufasa/Yokohama area. Idaten sent out a lot of their sidekicks to other regions to help alleviate some of the strains of the strike. (As a note, this was not the Idaten sidekicks crossing the picket line. Them picking up the slack for other sidekicks still striking would have helped minimize effects on the public. However, the agencies of the striking sidekicks would have reaped no benefit from this under the compensation structure outlined above. Idaten would have gotten the credit for everything their sidekicks did, so the other agencies would still be bleeding from this while risk to the public was slightly alleviated. Idaten’s entire function in this strike was to set an example for quick settlement and minimize public harm. There’s this entire sub-analysis on Idaten’s internal culture and how it intersects with broader heroics standards that I won’t get into now this is already way too long.)
Idaten is at 1/10 capacity. It has like, ten guys, all of whom have been working say, thirteen hour shifts (voluntarily—again, it was a decision made to try and minimize the public safety risks of the strike while still allowing their colleagues their best chance at improved conditions) daily for the past month.
All of those ten guys responded to Tartarus before Endeavor made the call.
To understand the exact nature of the breakdown, you really have to see the chaos of how exactly this unfolded.
The LoV and their merry band of criminals hit Tartarus. The heroes do not realize at this time that they intend to let everyone out, give them transportation, and point them straight towards the mainland. They think that they’re just there for AfO. That’s still a huge crisis that needs to be shut down immediately, so they call out all of their best. Endeavor responds. Hawks responds. Eraserhead responds. Mt. Lady, Kamui Woods, Miruko—everyone in the vicinity who could conceivably respond show up. For a second, it looks like it’s going to end here.
Once the LoV get AfO out of his cell, the entire tide of the battle turns against the heroes. Now everyone’s out. All of those horrible, terrible villains. Tartarus has fallen. They have to make hard decisions. The high ranking, very powerful heroes who are most likely to break the line on Endeavor’s decision? They’re already at the fight by the time he has to make it. It is chaos and something they cannot easily leave.
The LoV’s picked right now because they knew that the heroes were operating at less than a tenth of their regular capacity. They picked right now because they knew the system had structural faults, and if they hit them just right, it would all come down on the heroes’ heads.
But the sidekicks broke strike lines to respond, right? Why do they all go to endeavor’s side?
For one thing, it wasn’t all of them who showed up—maybe a third of them were not even in the area any more. It wasn’t malicious, or intentional, or anything like that—they were off visiting their families for the first time in a long time or taking vacation. All of them had spent the past few years being completely overworked and abused by their jobs. They just weren’t there.
So now we’re down to 2/3rds of them who can even try to show up.
A lot of it wasn’t actually made as a reasoned choice. For many of them, they ended up where they did because of all the chaos.
So you’re a sidekick. You’re on strike. The entire world has gone to shit. How do you normally find out about the world going to shit?
This is a competition model streamed through individual entities. There’s no central command structure. Your agency calls you.
Well, your agency either fucking fired you or they cut you off completely during strike negotiations. This time, you find out through the news when the story breaks. Now what?
You frantically try to get in touch with your (ex) agency. Who is picking up the phones?
No one. That was your fucking job before you went on strike.
I used to work at a government public-service type deal, and let me tell you, they abuse the fuck out of non-unionized workers. You are doing everyone’s job. No one ask why we don’t get more support staff because they have unions. Like. I had a law degree. I was hired to be a lawyer in that office. They had us all doing the jobs of four people, and by that I mean it would be the literal entire job description of another fucking position in that office and we were all expected to just do it too.
Unions incentivize treating workers right. The absence of them opens the door to the opposite.
Why the fuck would agencies hire more people to lighten the load on the sidekicks and let them focus on actual heroics? Just make the sidekicks do everything. What are they going do, complain? They’re a dime a dozen. Hire more of those fresh faced kids with no standards just out of school.
You know when you had a job where you’re like. This fucking place is going to fall apart without me. But they treat you as disposable and easily replaceable and you’re like “okay bet” and so you leave and you find out from the people left behind that it actually fucking fell apart without you and you’re just like :o
Yeah. So that happened.
There has been a massive break down in the function of heroics offices for the past month and change because the sidekicks were not there. They were the ones who actually did most of the day to day handling of the office. They were the ones coordinating transport and figuring out the actual mechanics of who would be deployed where in a crisis. All those things that would be super helpful now? Yeah, those guys aren’t there, and they’re locked out of the fucking offices and can’t get in to un-strike for the sake of societal crisis.
But they know where the fight is. It’s on the news. Why don’t they just show up?
Where’s their gear?
Who owns it?
Heroics support gear must be an enormously expensive thing. It would have to be provided by the agency itself. Literally the only reason why Mirio has gear is because 1) all might would NEVER let his pseudo step son run around without proper support so the man would have bankrolled it himself if needs must and 2) the UA support class has a stipend each year where they can make support gear for active heroes and those heroes get it for free in exchange for free advertising for the students trying to kick start their careers, so he is decked out in THE most experimental bullshit from Hatsume Mei Industries (I have this entire side plot where the support class this class year low key became a sort of religious cult haha not really it’s just a joke it’s not really a joke and power loader is afraid every single day when he comes to work he is afraid under the iron clad rule of Hatsume Mei’s weird girl energy and they all decided Mirio was the Tabula Rasa, a figure of prophecy, and I just cannot get into that right now it’s too long it’s too long already. But it’s so fun).
All those sidekicks on strike lost valuable time trying to get back into their agencies so they weren’t showing up to an S-class villain fight in their fucking jammies. Then, when some poor admins figured out what was going on and let some of them in, everyone was frantically gearing up and getting in whatever transport van they were pointed at. Some of them didn’t know they werent reporting to Yokohama until they were already at the other fight. There’s was so much chaos and confusion that very few people had a clear idea of what was happening.
With the sidekicks, some of them never made it, some of them just got in a van and went wherever it took them, and some of them chose to obey Endeavor’s orders. Some agreed with the decision. Some disagreed but deferred to his experience. With how the Sidekick Strike had left their infrastructure, very few sidekicks were able to respond fast enough to make any real difference.
Now for the last possible demographic: the heroes that weren’t on strike and weren’t initially deployed to the Tartarus Prison Break. Why didn’t any of them go to Yokohama?
Structural Flaw #3: All Might was that one kid doing the entire group project for like forty years and some of these people are having to be heroes for the very first time and realizing that they don’t actually want to risk their lives to save people they just sort of liked the idea of this job.
It may be a bit too specific to be a structural flaw but I’m counting it anyway.
So, just to give a bit of a recap: We consider every hero alive in Japan as a candidate for Endeavor’s order. The vast majority of them are too far away to do shit, and there’s no centralized transport network to get them there faster. Toss in those who are dealing with personal medical issues or are away on vacation or just can’t come for some reason or another, and you’ve lost most of the heroes in Japan as respondents. Probably ~80% of potential heroes are culled from this alone.
So we have, generously, 20% of Japan’s heroes left as potential people to respond. ~90% of those are sidekicks on strike. They’ve got hours before they make it to any fight, because of the aforementioned structural breakdowns.
Now we’re down to 2% of Japan’s total heroes.
Some of that 2% were first responders to the initial Tartarus prison break. All the big name heroes in the area. But there can’t be that many top heroes—so let’s say 0.2% of them were at the initial fight.
Now we only have the remaining 1.8% of heroes to analyze.
There have to be a percentage of those who agreed with Endeavor’s call as a tactical decision. If they show up to any fight, they’re going to be obeying his order.
So we only have the ones who disagreed with his call left to look at.
These are small-time heroes. All of the big names are already at the fight. So they are less likely to have flashy Quirks, be especially talented, or consider themselves to have an especially large effect in the grand scheme of things. They have likely spent their entire careers living in a world with All Might.
It has never actually been down to them.
Think of Uwabami. Momo did her work study with her.
Her hero outfit is a fucking evening gown. She spent the entire work study doing commercials and meeting with her fans. She explicitly invited the young heroes that she did because she thought they were cute enough to be in commercials with her.
Now, she’s had some good if minor moments helping rescue civilians. It’s not that she’s never saved anyone.
But all of the top heroes are already committed to the fight against AfO. The current Number One Hero just ordered all her colleagues to report there. And Yokohama has a lot of S-Class villains en route.
And what the fuck is she going to do to stop them? It’s just her. Half of those villains took All Might to stop the first time. She is not fucking all might.
Is this a hero likely to go to Yokohama completely on her own to fight *checks notes* literally the entire prison population minus one guy? The worst guy, albeit. But one guy.
These are all heroes who have never had to be the actual thing standing between society and destruction. There has always been someone more powerful or capable or heroic nearby. Until recently, there has always been all might.
This isn’t to malign them. A decent percentage of them are legitimately well meaning about being a hero. They do good. But when it came to the big, blowout fights, they have always, always, always been the heroes evacuating civilians in the background or performing rescue in the aftermath. It has never been them who had to stand up and do the fight itself.
Every single one of those villains represent a big, blowout fight. And this hero trying to decide if he’s going to obey Endeavor’s order? They are one guy. And they’re not sure if they could even beat one of those villains alone, let alone all.
The reason why no one disobeyed Endeavor’s order was because, frankly, at the end of the day, they did not want to die.
Endeavor’s order signaled to everyone that there was no guarantee anyone would show up to Yokohama. It actually put good odds to the opposite. If you decided “fuck that, I’m going to Yokohama” then you’d likely be doing it alone.
What Class 2-A did was considered a death sentence. People who didn’t know them and their bullshit were shocked that they all made it out alive. These were the worst villains their society had ever faced and it was all of them at once (minus that one guy).
The heroes who were in a position to disobey endeavor didn’t actually think it’d make a difference if they did. They’d just… lose.
Most if not all of these heroes made the decision to become heroes during all mights era of peace. Everything just had lower stakes. Crime was less frequent and less serious. The big fights always had someone there who could handle them, because All Might was there. They’d fight the odd mugger or purse snatcher and help put out fires and go home at the end of the night. They’re heroes. That doesn’t mean they’ve ever truly had to grapple with a life or death fight.
If they went to Yokohoma, they thought they’d die. So they might as well respond to a fight that has a chance. Even if they feel ashamed as they do it. Even if they think Endeavor made the wrong call and wanted to go to Yokohama instead. All Might wasn’t there anymore. And they were afraid.
But there is one thing that Class 2-A had going for them that gave them an advantage over these heroes. And that was the fact that they are all medically insane.
It’s that they were together.
It’s a decentralized heroics structure. If you have a large agency, you are necessarily a top hero because no one else would be able to get that many people to agree to work under them. So you’re already at Tartarus and this isn’t a decision you had to make.
Maybe you’re independent. Maybe you have a small agency with 2-3 people. There is no preexisting centralized line that you can use to try and gather more people to go to Yokohama with you. You’re stuck with your immediate colleagues and maybe a few other heroes you’re close enough with to have their number. You really don’t have time to try and ask around to see if anyone else wants to go to Yokohama instead—you need to pick a battle and get there yesterday.
What good is 2-3 people going to do in Yokohama? You’ll just get massacred and it won’t have made a difference. At least if you go to stop AfO, you’ll have a chance at doing something that mattered.
Maybe you disagree with Endeavor but you defer to his training and experience.
Maybe you don’t go at any fight at all. Maybe you’re afraid. Maybe you became a hero in a time where you had a symbol of peace, and you realize you can’t keep doing it in a time without one.
I think there’s a small subsection of heroes that quit in the aftermath of Yokohama. Because they wanted to disobey endeavor’s order, and they thought they’d just die and it wouldn’t matter, and then dawn came and a bunch of school kids had managed what they were too big of a coward to do. I think the fact that they fell into line when their hearts told them they shouldn’t made them seriously doubt whether they were good enough to be a hero.
But they were alone when Endeavor made the call. And it felt like certain death. And—yeah, it sort of felt that way to Class 2-A when they made the decision to respond. But they weren’t alone when they did it.
They were together. And they always felt braver when they were together. Together, they could make miracles happen.
#pez dispenser debris#me with fictional worlds: where is your city planner I just want to talk#none of the heroes were happy at the thought of abandoning Yokohama#Yokohama didn’t happen because the heroes actually all got together and said ‘fuck those guys let ‘em die’#it was an absolute implosion of the heroics structure that they’d spent their entire careers working on#in my mind there’s a heroics organizational reform bill still making its way through the Japanese government in an attempt to correct the#structural failings that led to Yokohama happening. Aizawa keeps getting calls for his fucking kids to speak to the government about the#issue. and he’s like ‘absolutely not someone will tell them to do a flip and they will do it and cause a public incident’#no one said it out loud but everyone was sort of terrified that one of them would die at Yokohama#you could choke on the fear during the ride over#but they didn’t know what else to do. Yokohama needed heroes and all they had were them#but when you think of Yokohama think of all the big boss fights during bnha#not afo but like. overhaul. now think of fighting a few dozen of him at once. it’s. it’s not great odds.#the idea of just responding alone in the face of that is a nonstarter. and the decentralized nature of the system meant it was borderline#impossible to get the support needed to make a defense feasible. but class 2a had each other. and that was all they needed.#going to Yokohama the next day and it not having been a bloodbath was the biggest relief of those heroes lives#endeavor had never had a good relationship with shouto but he went to him in the hospital after and genuinely thanked him#I have this mental image of Iida. concussed four times over running on fumes and slightly delirious. desperately trying to keep it together#just a little while long. he has a list of the injured who need immediate evacuation. and his classmates. some of them need to be taken to#a hospital immediately. he made a list of their medication allergies. please ensure everyone is taken to the same hospital. he doesn’t think#he could bear it if they were scattered about. and he needs to help coordinate the transports of the villains from where they’ve been#containing them. and one of the Idaten sidekicks is like. Tenya. it’s okay. you did amazing. you can relieve command now. they’ll take it#from here. and he just says. okay. and he sits on the curb and cries. he asks them if one of them could call his brother. he’d. he’d really#like to come home if that’s okay. just for a few days. he just. he wants to go home. like the aftermath of that scene was kind of brutal to#process because on one hand they had all done so amazing but on the other they were so painfully young. a lot of them broke down in the#aftermath. kirishima got embarrassed because he started crying and asked mr Aizawa to call his moms. like once the adrenaline crashed it#all sort of hit them. they had all been so brave but also they were kids and they really really wanted their parents now if that’s alright#they know they’re heroes now and they have to be brave but also can someone please call their mom. please please please they just want their#mom. it was sort of a punch in the face for the full heroes to get there and see just how young these kids were. like these weren’t they’re#colleagues. these were kids who they didn’t protect. it hurt.
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一笑萬古春,一啼萬古愁,此景非你所有,此貌非你莫屬。
#SUDDENLY GOT REMINDED OF 霸王別姬 (Farewell My Concubine) FOR SOME REASONS SO HERE’S A DIEYI DONE IN 2020#THE MOVIE THAT BROKE ME FOR FOREVER#WATCH IT IF YOU HAVENT#it was such a bold ass move to make a queer movie in 1992 eastern asia but it turned out to be THE masterpiece of all time i swear#霸王別姬#程蝶衣#cheng dieyi#farewell my concubine#leslie cheung#張國榮#like i remember my brain lowkey shut down for an entire week after the first time watching it#because the only thing i could think of was lines from the movie lmao kaputt for good#hikaruchen
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Recent life photos
#photo diary#image 1 & 2 - of course these are just cloud images. But a cool pattern of them :0#3 - another word count of game writing... aargh... Still debating about like allowing other people into the game discord or how early#in the process one should do that.. but social things are just so difficult for me lol.. I shall always suffer for my lack of networking an#self promotion skills. 4 - I was forced to get a new phone a few months ago because my beloved phone of like 10 years finally#broke too much. and I always like to go through the emojis and make a little memo with all my favorites. yaay little pictures of things.#5 - I FINALLY finished all the dictionary entries for the game (which has a little dictionary feature in the player's journal to note#any specific terms and keep track of them (like what 'jhevona' or 'avirre'thel' means. or to remember that the world is called Nanyevimi#and the country they're in is Asen. etc. etc.)). There are 75 defined terms so far and it took me a while to do so out of curiosity I put#all the text into a wordcounter thing and lol.. 8000 words isnt that much I guess but the 30 minute reading time is funny to me. 30 minutes#for my little tiny dictionary panel in my quaint little casual visual novel which is not even lore heavy at all. hee hee (though that's mor#like a minute here and there since obv people are not unlocking every term all at once. you complete the dictionary as you talk to people#and hear them mention new concepts over time.).. ANYWAY..#6 - a very soft and beautiful stuffed animal that I did not buy but wanted to at least document their charm.#7 - stimky boye waiting in front of his favorite straw meowring screaming for someone to play with him (he likes to chase the#straw around). 8 - matcha bubble tea my beloved. 9 & 10 & 11 - some cool flowers I saw. also featuring one of my favorites (columbines!)#Anyhow.. as mentioned in the other photo diary post.. I have just been packing and writing mostly.. The evil summer is coming of course#which me and my health issues always dread. Good news though is I finally got my passport in the mail! >:3 huzzah. Now I just need to find#some fellow aromantic asexual living outside the US willing to take one for the team and fake a marriage with me so I can get the#hell out of the country UwU (<joking) (...mostly... as in - definitely NOT my main goal. but if a viable opportunity presented itself I#would of course give it consideration lol). I know that's already highly regulated but I wonder if it's something that will become even mor#locked down as people hunt for any opportunity to flee. People are out here searching for any loophole. Frantically researching their#entire family tree seeing if there's any chance for a citizenship by descent in whatever place will take them. etc. etc. lol#So I wonder if such marriages are a thing that will come up more often. hmm.. ANYWAY..#I have almost all of my stuff packed even though I don't move until another 1-2 months. But that's the point is to have it all sorted early#in the last remaining scraps of ''cooler'' weather so that then I can just relax up until then. I'm going to try doing another scrapbook#/sketchbook this summer as a Mood Boosting effort. Just to find little things to help with the situational political existential dread and#climate woes. So on days it's too hot to function I can just glue little things to pages and doodle lol.. hopefully.. slowly getting things#off my to do list.. I reaaaaaally want to get back to playing games as it's so fun and realxing to me but..rghgh.. 500 other things..
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and can i just say. i am in so much god damned mother fucking pain today. the transition from having help with every facet of my life to suddenly having literally none has been so fucking hard on my body and i hurt so fucking bad. and i haven’t let myself talk about it or complain about it because ive been wanting that independence for the last two months but my god im in so much pain and i hate admitting when im in real honest to god pain but christ alive this fucking sucks so damn bad
#i haven’t let myself cry once this entire time#i started watching ted lasso today and a very specific line in it broke me and i just broke down sobbing on my couch#like bitch HELP#lmao#i will simply take opiates and go to bed early i suppose#bug.txt
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hi maca!! can’t believe hiuh finally ended, thank you for all your hard work! i was wondering if you could say more about what were the “wrong aspects” that laurent liked about maxime? also very curious in general about what paschal thought about laurent being with maxime or getting back together with damen. thanks!!
hi there!!! so, i didn't write maxime as a villain or anything in this fic so I don't want anyone reading this to think that he's Mr. Evil or a literal step-in for Laurent's uncle.
having said that, I love the idea of maxime toeing the line, you know? like he's not abusive but he's not attentive either. he's Into the Patriarchy (TM) in a different way than Damen, so not only does he not think to ask what laurent likes in bed or what his limits are, but he also has a rougher approach to sex (think typical porn video titles, "likes it rough" vibes, maaaaybe refuses to wear a condom like nicaise implied throughout the fic and laurent never denied).
so the "wrong" aspects laurent might have liked about maxime have to do with not having to really think around him (not bc l's being vulnerable, but bc he just disconnects and dissociates from the entire situation.) see: they go out for dinner, he doesn't even have to pick a place bc maxime will do it, doesn't have to pick a dish bc maxime will do it, doesn't have to think about sex positions bc maxime will just jostle them both into what he likes, etc. aaaand last but not least, laurent likes that it hurts. it's a form of self punishment, too. "you THOUGHT you could have nice things? you thought sex with people who aren't damen was going to be good? ha" and, later on, when he starts realizing damen is changing and getting better every day and growing, it turns into "this is your reminder that you fucked up".
: ) hope this was interesting to read!!!! thank you sm for the question!!!!
#anon#hiuh#about paschal: i picture him like ??? the entire time lmao#but also its my headcanon that he told laurent to TALK to damen pre breakup like sit him down for real#give him a real ultimatum#anything#and laurent just exploded one day and broke up with damen and then went to therapy like hi........ hi . . .. . i.... did a thing
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When you were taught to be quiet all your life so when people scream at you to say something... you don't know how.
#my parents are rlly pissed at me because my dad asked me something and I didn't answer because I didn't like what he was asking me#which is kinda stupid on my part but I got kinda mad#and then my mom yelled at me in the car#to which i didn't say anything#and so that was a whole thing#and she was like “you're acting like such a teenager”#and i'm like “i am a teenager tho”#i didn't actually say that bc i didn't say anything the entire ride but wtv#i hate arguing with a burning passion omfg#once i broke down in tears at a public place because a bunch of people were yelling at each other in line#and now i have to go to this expensive debate camp at the end of the month#so that's gonna be great
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