#i blame the fact that the eps all came out at once but like. can we pause for 2 seconds on episode 6 ????????

[chaoswillcalmusdown]

i really want to dissect season 2 episode 6 of the bear. like. the convo about claire. the mom stuff obv. carmy's gift for michael. the fact that sugar is literally about to become a mom herself which must be extra fucking terrifying, the tragedy of relatives being like 'haha i wonder if donna's gonna do something crazy' vs the berzatto kids' stress and anxiety levels, michael's behaviour at the table combined with carmy being like 'oh i didn't even know he was using' - which. ?!

[jirsungs]

ep 17: i missed you (too)

word count: 3.1k

You join Jisung in the kitchen and when he sees you arrive, he hops off the counter before he can look at your choice of outfit for the evening. 

But when he does, he wishes he could rewind the moment you walked in so he can pay more attention because holy fuck. Those words were the only coherent thing he could pull out of his brain, but he didn’t blame himself for the mental trouble, because seriously, holy fuck.

Lord, he wishes that no one else has seen you in this black strapless midi dress, which he’s 80% sure is from Kukombo, he remembered you and Ning raving about it a couple of weeks back. Your hair perfectly dolled up, just like the first time he saw you, with your pearl necklace layered by your Tiffany & Co. Infinity Pendant necklace sitting pretty on your collarbone.

He recalls you gushing about how much you love layering jewelry pieces together or how complete it makes you feel on the first night you hung out alone. He also remembers you telling him that the Tiffany & Co. necklace you’re wearing now was bought with Renjun’s card after you begged him on your birthday. 

“You look pretty.” Jisung blurts out before his brain can process that those words actually left his mouth.

His compliment makes you smile. “Thank you.”

Should I have said more? Was that not enough? She looks absolutely gorgeous, but if I say that, I might come off desperate and I am not desperate. Wait. Am I?

Pfft, no, of course not.

He shakes out of his mental dilemma when he hears you talk again, “You too—I mean, you look good.”

Despite you seeing him blush in front of you and mumble a “thank you”, his physical appearance did not match. An awkward guy dressed in his black graphic t-shirt and gray denim baggy jeans. To everyone else, he was seen as a stern, quiet dude who stayed close to his friends and played drums weekly, but to you? He was anything but stern or quiet.

“What’s with us always meeting in kitchens?” You try to joke, your horrible attempt to ease the weird tension in the air.

It was a pretty bad joke, if you could even call it one, but at least, you know that there will be someone who laughs at anything you say. And that’s Jisung. “Right? I guess it’s the place where we’re just destined to be together. We first met in Karina’s kitchen, then had our first interaction after Karina’s party in Johnny’s kitchen—”

“One horrible interaction.” You both wince at the immature memory. 

“Yep, it was pretty bad… But now, you’re here with me in Chenle’s kitchen after… ghosting me for two weeks.”

An awkward laugh escapes your mouth, not knowing what to say now that the air suddenly grew uncomfortable. Fortunately for you, Jisung doesn’t notice and is instead embarrassed by himself.

“Sorry, I said kitchen too many times. That was–it sounded weird.”

It’s been two weeks without him and yet somehow, he still holds the power of making it impossible for you to be mad at him. You hate that you always find his awkwardness endearing.

“You’re fine, Ji. In fact, it didn’t sound weird to me at all.” You reassuringly smile, nudging his side.

And that one overused nickname he's heard from multiple different people sounded the prettiest when it came from you. A light switched in him and the next thing you know, Jisung's ranting about Rockway's past gig to Jeno breaking their blender after attempting to make a blueberry banana smoothie for him before their workout at the gym.

Your friends come over once they spot you two in the kitchen corner together, cutting your conversation short. Suddenly, you’re in the arms of Ning and Haechan, engulfing you in a hug while Jisung is kept occupied in conversation with Renjun, Mark, and Jaemin. 

Soon after, your interactions die down with Ning and Haechan accompanying each other to go dance and the three guys who busied Jisung left due to Chenle pulling them away for a game of beer pong. 

Chenle was successful in dragging Jaemin and Renjun while Mark followed suit. But as Mark was about to leave, he stopped to offer Jisung a spot to join, which you encouraged, since Rockway usually boasts about how skilled he is at the game. But he turned down his friend’s offer with a shake of his head. 

You guess Jisung made a signal to the clueless guitarist because Mark says no more, glancing between you and him before letting out an “Ohhh…” He winks at the guy next to you, who you see grow more flustered by the minute, and exits out of the kitchen.

Jisung finally lets go of the breath you didn’t realize he was holding onto for so long and you’re left alone together once more.

The quiet gives Jisung the perfect opportunity to continue catching up with you. You’re not even thirty minutes into the conversation when it gets interrupted again, this time by Yeonjun and Jeno whining about their loss in beer pong. And after multiple pleas from them, they were finally able to pull the beloved drummer boy away from your side.

“I’ll be right back after this, I promise.” Jisung gives you one last pouty look before the guys tug him by the arms. 

“Yeah yeah, don’t get clingy, lover boy.” Yeonjun chirps out as he and Jeno drag him away, the latter following up with a, “We’ll take good care of him, Y/N!”

Your eyes follow the three guys, they join the crowded table that has multiple red solo cups set on either side, and you take notice of how Jisung radiates a whole new light when he’s surrounded by his bandmates, along with your friends. You adored that you all became such a tight-knit group so quickly. It’s nice. Well, sometimes. Haechan and Mark currently screaming over one another is one of the reasons why you say “sometimes.”

“You guys already have Yeonjun! Let us have Jisunggg!” Haechan whines. 

Mark lets out a humorless laugh, “What’re you talking about? Renjun clearly made y’all win last game!”

Your eyes shift over to Jisung, who’s covering his ears at the noise. It makes you laugh under your breath.

Luckily, the argument between Haechan and Mark didn’t last long because the next time you looked over, they were already concentrating on their game. Shotaro, a mutual friend of Rockway’s, was focusing his aim on the cup. 

While Jisung is playing beer pong with the others, you’re left alone, feeling peaceful as you watch the party around you. But to your dismay, your content mood turns sour when you see Jaeyun, your ex-situationship, walk over.

“Y/N alone at a party? That’s a new one.” He snickers, pouring himself a cup of the cheap beer.

You watch him take a sip and scowl. “What are you doing here?” 

“It’s an open-invite party, pretty face. You know I never skip out on these.”

“You’re not even friends with Chenle, or anyone here, for that matter.”

Jaeyun takes another sip of his drink, “Eh, so what? Again,” He lowers himself to directly meet your eyes, “It’s a free party.”

He disgusts you.

Once Jisung takes his turn throwing the small ping-pong ball towards the cup and it lands inside, as expected, his teammates Jeno, Mark, Yeonjun, and Wonbin cheer and hype the drummer up at his performance. 

As Jisung glances between the four guys surrounding him, he sees you accompanied by someone in the background. His friends don’t notice him moving to the back of them as their attention is set on Jeno already being pushed to the front for his turn.

His eyes widen when he realizes who's talking to you. Jaeyun. The one guy you told him about on your first hangout together when he was curious about your past. He’s glad you didn’t hide yourself away from him when he asked because now, he knows that the guy is nothing but a lovebombing asswipe. But what he isn’t so thrilled about is the fact that he shares a class with the guy, let alone the same major. 

You’re uneasy, he can tell. It’s painful to watch. And he’s sure your feeling gets worse once he sees you grow visibly stiff when a girl comes over and kisses Jaeyun on the cheek.

Insecure isn’t typically a word Jisung would use to describe himself. He sometimes becomes doubtful of himself, sure, but insecure isn’t a word that would be in his pile of descriptions. Plus, he knows he's on your mind every second of every day, and that was more than enough assurance for him. 

But Jaeyun intimidated the hell out of him, he knew this, despite being a few months older than him, Jaeyun was bulkier and he was aware that his looks could kill, he guessed that’s how he got you gripped on him at one point in your life. However, that still didn’t stop him from excusing himself from his friends, lying to them that he needed to go to the bathroom.

Surprisingly, his friends paid no attention to his departure with how engrossed they were in their game, making it easier for him to rush to the kitchen. 

You’re too busy tolerating Jaeyun and his next fling’s drained conversation they were having with you, to notice him walk in. That is until you feel a presence beside you and an arm wrapped around your waist, leading you to look up at the culprit and see Jisung. It was new seeing him touch you so comfortably like this, or be possessive either. You weren’t complaining though, it was definitely something you could get used to.

But the said man doesn’t have time to make eye contact with you because all he’s focused on is his main goal here, and that’s for Jaeyun to get out of your goddamn face.

“Sim, you’re not making her uncomfortable, are you?”

What is he doing? You think. Jaeyun letting out a low whistle and opening his obnoxious mouth again doesn’t allow you to dwell on it.

“Wow, Y/N, I didn’t think you were into,” He eyes Jisung up and down unimpressed, “lousy playing drummer boys all that much.”

Oh God.

You feel Jisung’s arm around you tense up, “What did you just say?”

Jaeyun only snickers. You watch Woona, his new fling who you, unfortunately, remember the name of cling onto him tighter. You roll your eyes at the action.

“I mean, as far as I remember, you were better than picking underground losers off the low-paying nightclubs his band plays at.”

You scoff. It was obvious he knew nothing about Jisung, Rockway, or any of their successes, “You’re full of shit, Jaeyun.”

Your ex-situationship couldn’t care less about what you said because once he sees Jisung’s fuming face slightly falter, he knows he got him. So he continues, “Jisung, I’m warning you now, man. You better find a better chick 'cause all you got right now is some bitch who’ll whore around for anyone with a dick attached—”

Everything happens in a blink of an eye. You seriously don’t know how.

One moment Jisung’s arm is wrapped around your body then the next, he and Jaeyun are on the kitchen floor while Jisung lunges at him right away, giving Jaeyun barely time to react before his fist crashes down on him. The connection to Jaeyun’s jaw creates a painful crunch that echoes across the room, resulting in some partygoers reacting to the scene.

Your expression never changes as you watch in disbelief at the whole thing, Woona instantly screaming and trying to push Jisung off. It doesn’t work though, she falls over when Jaeyun attempts to regain himself, bouncing back a punch that has Jisung’s head taking a hit to the side. But Jisung rapidly returns his attention. Regaining control of his fist, he delivers another vicious blow to Jaeyun’s face, then follows with another, and another, and by the next punch, he finds himself losing control.

The number of punches he’s thrown, Jisung stays unaware of it, and frankly, he doesn’t give a shit about it. He continues to stay unaware even when people’s arms are grasping him from behind to force him from the wounded Jaeyun.

“Jisung, what the fuck is wrong with you?” It isn’t until Haechan’s distressed voice snaps him out of his daze, that he finally notices Jaeyun being helped up by Yuta and Jungwoo.

He observes Jaeyun’s bleeding lip and bruised face and finds no remorse in his heart. Throwing punches at the guy isn’t the worst thing he could’ve done, he knew that Jaeyun knew he deserved it too.

Instead of answering Haechan and the others as their worries talk over one another, his breath remains raggedy when he takes a glance over at you, you didn’t move from the spot, your hand over your chest as you’re heaving, trying to recollect yourself from what just happened. His gaze is fixated on you while your eyes shift between Jaeyun and Woona, who’s giving you the worst side eye known to man. 

Jisung guesses he didn’t hit Jaeyun hard enough, because he dares to open his mouth again. His voice raspy and taunting, “Shit, you’re lucky your band came to the rescue ‘cause I would’ve ripped you apart.”

“You never shut your mouth, do y—” It was stupid, Jisung knew it was, but it still had him attempting to pounce forward in the grasp of his friends but they swiftly pulled him back, making loud protests.

With all the voices that rang throughout the room, Chenle’s was the only one that caught Jisung’s attention, seeing his best friend angry was a usual thing, just not like this, “Ji, if you don’t wanna calm yourself down, take this shit outside.”

“Fine.” The younger’s eyes soften as he looks between Haechan and Jaemin who are currently holding him, “Let go of me.”

Haechan arches his brow at him, unsure of whether to trust Jisung or if he'll start something when he’s freed, but the two exchange a look before letting him go.

And just like that, Jisung storms out of the kitchen, paying no mind to Jaeyun who tries to reach for him. He exits Chenle’s apartment, and you immediately follow after him. 

Your hurried steps make contact with the concrete sidewalk as you reach outside of the house, trying to walk faster to match his pace. The cold air quickly reaches your body, making you rub your arms in hopes of warming up. 

When you’re walking close behind him, you speak up, “Jisung, I can’t believe you just did that! That whole thing was unnecessary, I don’t even know why you decided to get yourself hurt over someone as stupid as Jaeyun!” Your words coming out as a scold.

His abrupt stop in his tread almost makes you bump into him, but he turns himself around and faces you. He lashes out. “Unnecessary? My ass, it was unnecessary! I couldn't stand hearing him talk about you like that, especially when he's the one who treated you like garbage.”

Confused at his sudden outburst, you lash back, “Jisung, why did you do that?”

Jisung releases a deep breath, “Y/N, I did it because…” He can’t dare to look at you, so he glances up at the night sky instead. "Geez..."

You grow angrier seeing his focus not on you, “What, Jisung? What?”

“Fuck, because I like you, you idiot! Can’t you see that?” Your eyes slightly widen and you swallow the next agitated remark resting on your tongue. With you now becoming quiet, he allows himself to slowly calm down, “Look… I know I'm not the best with words, we know that. But these whole two weeks of me waiting by the phone just for one single text from you confused the hell outta me. I mean, at one point, you're hating me, and then I'm hating you, to us being friends, now to whatever this is.” He motions his hands between the two of you in a stressed manner.

Still. You can’t believe your ears, so you dumbly ask, “You what?”

He’s calmed down by this point, looking like an ashamed puppy, “I like you, Y/N. I really really like you.”

“And what makes you think I didn't feel the same?” Now it's Jisung's turn to be confused, his lost eyes being nothing but cute to you. Even beaten up, he was adorable. You sigh, “I like you too, stupid.” 

“Oh, thank God.” 

In a flash, his head is tilted down to match your height, and he leans in, his hands reaching for your jaw. Then, his lips meet yours. His fingers keep their place on your jaw, gentle and scared to move down. Finally, he thinks. Expecting you to pull away, he’s surprised when you kiss him back, your hands gripped on his shirt, pulling him closer to you. Fireworks weren’t going off, but your heart sure felt like they were.

You never thought your first kiss with Jisung would be like this, desperate and full of want. But you don’t care, he longed for this, and so did you. 

He pulls away and rests his forehead on yours. He circles your waist with both arms, before he speaks, his breath still heavy, “I know that you told me you always wished for a fairytale kiss, but I couldn’t help it anymore. So, uh, I hope that kinda made up for it?”

He just kissed you and he’s awkward?

You affectionately smile, “It made up for it, Ji. Really.” You loop your arms around his neck. “Now is this a bad time to apologize for how stupid it was to ghost you or…?”   

He chuckles, “You’re cute.” You pout and mumble a “shut up” before he continues, “But yes, it is. I mean, I already forgave you the moment you came over. I’m kinda hurt you didn’t realize that.”

His fake frown leads you to remove one arm from his neck and smack his chest, “I can’t read between the lines!” 

“My bad, my bad. That was my fault for thinking so.”

You hmph, both of your arms taken off his neck for you to cross them instead, “Thank you.”

Jisung thinks your attitude is adorable, and he can’t even be mad at you. Especially with you finally in his arms again after yearning for you for three months, it made everything worth it.

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note: THEY FINALLY SAID IT YALLL 🙏 this chapter is cliché and cheesy af!!!! but did i still kick my feet proofreading it? of course, i did 🤭 also so sorry for such a late update ☹️, i got busy prioritizing other things! but i'm finally back!

🎫: @idkwhatursayinh @sunghoonsgfreal @multifandomania @nanaxwi @odxrilove @sourrpatched @hancafe @chaellaa @dojaejunging @jising-jisang-jisung @heheheeral @haechansbbg @renjunsversion @seunghancore @woshixinqgiu @jiiieun @pinknjm @mrshwang-park @neozon3nha @joyzluvr @aerivrs @nosungluv @haechology @beomgyusonlywife @injunnie-lemon @tommina @222low

[internet-girl-friend]

Do You Believe In Masochism?

12:45pm

In November 2023 I flew down to Los Angeles to meet an internet friend irl for the first time. The plan was that he'd pick me up from the airport and we'd drive directly to Pioneertown together.

"Hey so can I borrow your phone to let my family know I arrived?" "You got into a stranger's car and drove out to the desert with no service?"

I did. But my trust wasn't misplaced, and anyway, how else was I going to see the elusive, cult pop sensation Sky Ferreira?

She played Pappy and Harriet's and came on an hour late in a cloud of weed smoke, and the show was perfect... despite that and the fact that a veggie burger I'd had at the venue before made me throw up during her set.

While nothing could ever really compare to seeing her with my long-distance friend in a small desert dive, tonight I will see her again and I won't have to listen to I Blame Myself from my knees in a bathroom stall (at least not because I'm sick).

1:44am

I just got home and my ratio of Food I've Eaten to Beers I've Had is not in favour of me waking up feeling ready to move on Saturday (the Uhaul is booked).

We all met at Fringe Café right across from the venue -- me, Braydon, Grace, Brandon, and Allison. I had a hot dog served in a Bahn Mi bun and it gave me fear that I might meet the same fate as I did during I Blame Myself (it didn't).

People were lined up at 6:00pm, all of them no older than 19. I laughed to Allison "she's going to be late, they don't need to be waiting." Doors were at 7.

We arrived in the venue around 8 hoping to catch the opening act; once again, too early. The opener simply did not exist and we waited until 9:45 for her to get on stage, paying $8 for a goddamn PBR.

Before she came on, I heard two girls in the bathroom say "my 12 year old self is quaking," and another girl one-upped by saying that her 11 year old self was quaking. I was quaking as I was and I felt as though I might not be changing as much as I should be, and if I have been, I might be changing so much I was comin' back around.

I don't want all of these posts to seem as though I am complaining about being old when in reality I am quite young, but it just seems like being 20 is in trend right now or something. I don't think that I am caring for my inner child by liking music for over a decade; I think it is just good music.

Last time I saw Sky she played an encore -- Red Lips. This time she did not no matter how badly we begged. Both times she seemed decidedly shy. She wore huge sun glasses and a reflective jacket probably meant to keep people like me from getting the shots they wanted -- fair. Her vocals get better and better; she hit every note and has adapted the melodies so beautifully since she released Night Time My Time in 2013. I imagine that for me, seeing Sky is what Swifties feel like. She is such a significant part of my music and identity development and NTMT is an album I simply have not and will not outgrow.

I danced the entire time -- too enthusiastically to really see what the crowd was all about but I could sense from the space that I had to dance that the show wasn't close to sold out. They actually downsized the venue. It was supposed to be at Vogue which has about a 1200 person cap to Hollywood which has about a 700 person cap. To me, this is insane. Seeing her live is like seeing an ethereal cryptid.

I always want her to play the Ghost EP but it's wishful thinking in the same way that truly believing Masochism will ever actually come out is. Brandon and I joked that if we spent the $80 she was asking on her long sleeve that one day it will sell for $2000, which won't matter because we didn't buy it anyway, and if we did, we'd never part with it. Masochism was slated to come out this year. She's got three months and I am waited with bated breath. I fear I might suffocate.

COST OF THE NIGHT:

We got guest list for the show so it was free.

Food & beer: $15.00

Beer x 2 @ venue: $17.00

Beer @ tertiary venue which I didn't even write about: $9.00

Money sent to me by a Mystery Man <3: +$10.00

Total spent: $31.00

I will tell you right now, I cannot afford to be doing any of this, but I sure am having fun.

Must pack. Until next time (Saturday when I have another show).

[fanfic-inator795]

Man, like- Chip Whistler isn't even my favorite BCG character (Bill, Vasquez, Remy, Cricket and Tilly all outrank him by a wiiiiide margin) but the way the BCGs writers have developed Chip's whole arc really is fascinating in a morbid way - like a car crash you can't look away from.

Just like how the show - even if Chip's most intimidating moments - never forgets to still also show him as the loser he truly is, the show also never forgets to emphasize that EVERYTHING that has gone wrong for him is his own damn fault, regardless of how tragic it is.

(continue reading for a full look at Chip's arc and how I think it'll end)

I feel like whether or not Chip acknowledges this fault is going to be the catalyst as to whether or not he gets a second third FOURTH FIFTH chance, gets arrested or even gets killed off for realsies like the classic Disney Villains.

To get any sort of somewhat-happy ending, Chip would have to not only take responsibility for ALL his mistakes and crimes, vow to be better AND actually put in the work to be better, but he'd also has to acknowledge that the thing that started it all - chipping his tooth on fake produce - was something that he can ONLY blame himself for. And judging by the latest ep, this isn't just a matter of shifting blame but also a matter of finally realizing and accepting this self-inflicted mistake.

Go back to the scene with the 'Bean' family, which not only paints its fake!Cricket as the worst, least sympathetic and shallowest version of Real!Cricket, but afterwards Chip emphasizes that "(that boy) was so mean and I didn't even do anything to him", referring to fake!Cricket but obviously thinking about Real!Cricket in his mind.

But the thing about Cricket is that for as much as the kid can be reckless and make mistakes, he does put in the effort to make things right - often only needing a slight nudge from Tilly, Bill or his own conscious to fix his mistakes. The episode "Supermarket Scandal" is no exception to this. He realizes his mistake, fixes things, and even sacrifices his giant wad of cash. What's more, when Chip tries the fake produce (which is being clearly advertised as such), there's no 'trick' or 'prank' or whatever - it's just Chip ignoring the world and people around him, only to then blame these things when consequences happen.

Funnily enough, Chip isn't a complete moron. Sure, he's incredibly averse to hard work and thus doesn't have much sense, but he had enough business skills to do a decent job as one of Wholesome Foods' top managers and was even able to hold down an office job as Norm Alguy. Once his dad reminded him he had the power and resources of CEO, Chip came up with a pretty solid plan that nearly worked! He's not an idiot, but he's reckless, foolish, single-minded and - above all else - is driven more by pride and ego (as well as a hidden hunger for power) than by anything else.

Come to think of it, given that a big part of Chip originally being a Wholesome Foods manager was likely due to his father, I feel like his vendetta with the Greens was the first real challenge Chip ever had to face (or was 'forced' to face. We saw in his song that while he could challenge himself by changing careers or learning a new skill, he's not self-motivated enough to even try). Everything else was either handed to him or was something he succeeded just enough in to feel satisfied - so it makes sense that these multiple failures and 'offenses/personal attacks' from the Greens would impact his psyche to the point of it being impossible for him to ever completely let go of his need for revenge, needing that closure above all else.

Which brings me to another point: Beyond the fact that the initial tooth-chipping was Chip's own damn fault, Cricket has only ever been shown fighting back against Chip after Chip initiates it, he's never outright sought the guy out just to mess with him. And, when it came to both their tomato war and the apology contract, it was Cricket who gave Chip a chance to walk away both times. It was Cricket who wanted what was best for the farmer's market above all else, and it was Cricket who was the first one (even before Bill and Tilly!) to sign the contract, believing in Chip's ability to change and be a better person and possible friend instead of an enemy.

But each time, Chip refuses and ends up stabbing Cricket and the rest of the Greens in the back, no matter how illogical or foolish it may be for him, his happiness or his business. Again, Chip puts his ego, pride and power above all else. He can't agree to peace in the farmer's market because that still means surrendering. He can't become friends with the Greens because that would mean actually having to put in the effort to change and find other goals and means of satisfaction in his life. He can't just live a new life as Norm because he doesn't have the power over people that he had as Chip, thus putting him in a position to be 'wronged' again. He can't just let the Greens be happy because why should they be happy if I can't be.

And he can't fully accept blame and responsibility for the initial tooth-chipping because once he does, he has to also accept that EVERYTHING he did in the name of revenge truly was pointless.

At this point, you could make the argument that he really is too far gone. The man's essentially starting his Joker arc, fully embracing that he's a 'monster' by his own words, which kinda makes the idea of Chip simply stopping, apologizing and just going to therapy feel kiiiiinda farfetched (cause again, you can't really offer someone help if they don't want to actually put in the work to properly benefit from it- or at the very least, acknowledge that they need it)

With this in mind, I would honestly LOVE a scene where - after offering Chip chance after chance - Cricket finally just throws all these examples back in his face and forces Chip to fully acknowledge them, telling him its his own fault for never just walking away from this whole revenge thing and outright refusing to accept anymore blame or responsibility for this guy's misfortunes.

...Of course, even if Chip were to by some miracle gain some self-awareness/self-realization, I feel like he'd just respond to all this with "I don't CARE if chipping my tooth was my own fault! It still wouldn't have happened if I never met you or your dumb family! So if I'm going down, I'm gonna do all I can to take you down with me."

Like I said, it's a self-inflicted tragedy, and unless something major happens to break through to Chip - his father stepping in maybe? though tbh Chip seemed to barely respect him in the first place sooooo - I truly do feel like both his Joker arc and his story as a whole is going to end in flames with Chip getting the ol' Disney classic 'falls off a high place and/or into fire' villain death. That or he's finally arrested - either way, it'd be ending that cements his story as being finished (since, given that Chip is apparently going to try to destroy all of Big City and everyone in it, I'm not sure how much more you'd be able to do with his character after hitting that extreme that would still feel exciting or have some tension)

But who knows? The BCGs crew already surprised me quite a bit with where they decided to take Chip's story in his s4 return ep, so maybe they'll surprise me again. Whether they take it, I'm just hoping that (for unlikely as it may be) we don't get something that's either completely unsatisfying or something that feels like it's going against the whole point of Chip's arc - like Chip getting a snapshot redemption and rushing into an actual friendship with the Greens, or Cricket for whatever reason being the one to apologize despite every single one of Chip's misfortunes being - say it with me now - his own damn fault. As long as neither of these two examples happen, I'll probably be pretty happy and satisfied.

[hoppipolla]

Love doesn’t make you blind, it makes you selfish and desperate. 

Yoojae is a very easy character to despise for he only appears as someone selfish and self-centred. But he is not. How do I know? Because a soul as thoughtful and kind as Hanjoon wouldn’t be friends with someone like that. 

There is one simple fact that the recent episodes might have made us forget about: out of everyone — and yes I do include us viewers —, Yoojae is the one who knows Hanjoon best. 

He knew that gifting him a laptop was a bad idea but he couldn’t bear the thought that someone else might have bought one for him if he hadn’t beaten them to it. 

HJ: You know I wouldn’t like it. Why did you spend so much money on it?

Beyond hating that very idea, he felt distressed. Why did it not cross his mind that Hanjoon might not have his own laptop? How come a senior who barely knows him knew about that even when he didn’t? As @ueasking accurately pointed out in their post comparing the drama with the novel it originates from, money — or the lack of —  is a leitmotif in Star Struck. Yoojae knew that Hanjoon would not like receiving such an expensive gift but it breaks Yoojae’s heart knowing that Hanjoon will always struggle to properly study if he doesn’t have a laptop; hence the fact he still bought him one. It was an insensitive thing to do but he couldn’t help it. Yoojae wants to take care of him and lift the weight he carries on his shoulders. He wants to be a shoulder on which he can always lean on. He doesn’t want Hanjoon to rely on anyone else. But Hanjoon doesn’t want to rely on him, not like that anyway. Taken out of context, it could be perceived as a toxic behaviour but it’s not. Yoojae cares immensely for Hanjoon and he wants to help him the best he can. His intentions are genuine but his actions always fail to make them clear.  

I’m not excusing Yoojae’s behaviour though. Yoojae is indeed being selfish but what’s worse is that he is painfully aware of how much of an ass he’s being to Hanjoon. He hates himself for it but he doesn’t see any other way. Him throwing the chocolates in Hanjoon’s bin in front of him was useless and hurtful. He did so because he wanted to make sure that they could go back to how they used to be. As if throwing out the chocolates once and for all would make them forget that night in front of Hanjoon’s house. 

If I could, I’d add an audio file to this text post with only the dialogue of this scene, the one before the time jump (i.e the chocolate box disaster scene). 

Both actors did a brilliant job and their micro-expressions wonderfully reflected the inner turmoil both characters were going through. However, what absolutely shattered my heart is the fluctuation in Yoojae’s voice. The way his voice quavered and broke as Hanjoon’s words sank in. 

He was taken aback by his confession and so he let his anger speak in his place because he was on the defensive. He thought Hanjoon was emotionally blackmailing him (see @ueasking’s post for more details) and he couldn’t believe that he was about to lose his best friend. Because they had made plans for their college life together. Because although his future was not yet all planned out, Hanjoon was always a part of it. Always was and always would.  

So yes Yoojae acts immaturely, reacts in the worst possible ways, and doesn’t take into account Hanjoon’s feelings but it paradoxically shows how much he loves him. You have every right to think he is in the wrong for that but this isn’t the point.

I can’t even begin to imagine how much pain he had to go through while waiting for Hanjoon’s call which never came. Hanjoon was his safe place and he lost it the moment Hanjoon disappeared from his life. Strangely enough, he doesn’t resent him for it because he understands why Hanjoon did that. (Again, I adore Hanjoon so I’m not blaming him for disappearing. I’m not here to blame anyone anyway.) That’s why Yoojae greeted him with such a warm gaze and a genuine smile in the bar scene (ep 5). 

Hanjoon leaving left a void in Yoojae’s heart so deep that it scared him. Now that Hanjoon is back in his life, he’d do anything to make him stay. 

Yoojae tends to act on a whim and he doesn’t over-analyse his feelings. The moment Hanjoon agreed to be his friend again was all he ever wanted and so he stifled the confusing emotions that had aroused when Hanjoon confessed. However when he realised that they could never go back to their old-selves, a wave of panic washed over him (which explains his excessive drinking in ep 6). 

The cafe scene during which he acts like a child who wants Hanjoon’s undivided attention is proof that both Hanjoon and him won’t ever be able to go back to just being friends. What led him to get drunk is that precise realisation. Parts of him must have anticipated the fact that Hanjoon would (or might) act differently but he didn't expect himself to be so on edge. The old Yoojae would not have reacted so strongly to Hanjoon’s being flirted with by a girl. When Hanjoon told him he loved him, it acted as a self-epiphany but this epiphany happened too soon. Yoojae wasn’t ready and Hanjoon needed to protect himself. Both hearts were broken that night although one expected it whereas the other didn’t. 

The embodiment of Yoojae’s desperation was that scene near the end of ep 6. 

So. Much. Subtext. It might be silly but although this scene has no dialogues, I can hear Yoojae’s every thought. His plea to make Hanjoon stay. His silent cry telling him to not run away. But Hanjoon breaks free from his grasp and Yoojae knows there is no going back. Hanjoon won’t indulge him anymore. 

Truth be told, I didn’t want Yoojae to lean in for a kiss after Hanjoon told him to let him go (both literally and figuratively). Because he did so not because he was ready but because he was terrified of losing Hanjoon again. 

Next week eps are going to be intense. I’m so scared to see Hanjoon’s reaction. The dialogue in the playground highlights yet again how absolutely amazing he is. The fact that he told Yoojae that his feelings for him are still very much alive and that staying close to him is agonising requires outstanding courage and says a lot about his character. I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again: Hanjoon is such a beautiful and brave soul. The way he is always so thoughtful, attentive, and kind to the people around him is everything to me. Even when he was shocked to see Yoojae once again after 5 months of not talking to him, he still found the emotional strength to try to soothe the girl crying next to him in the bar. 

The fact that he kept on reliving the chocolates disaster scene for 5 months straight is just heart-wrenching. Knowing how thoughtful he is, I’m sure he felt guilty for not contacting Yoojae. 

Although Star Struck abides by the BL genre conventions and uses some classic tropes, the well-written and raw dialogues and the detailed acting make it stand out and highlight how complex the human condition is especially when it comes to the most irrational of emotions: love. 

Part 2

[lemonthepotato]

Crows And Prejudice: An Unscientific Study On The Mob Mentality Effect.

If this was an essay, I would open this up with:

“Herd mentality (also mob or pack mentality) describes how people can be influenced by the majority. Social psychologists study the related topics of group intelligence, crowd wisdom, groupthink, and deindividuation.”

But this isn’t an essay. It’s a personal anecdote. In 2015, I discovered, or perhaps earlier, a song by… let’s call her Leilani Ortinez. I’m not kidding; Ortinez is a real surname. How many ‘nez’ surnames are there? Ortinez, Gonzales- the other ones. Anyway, Leilani had one album at the time, and one EP. I was young, so listened to them. When the music video for… Shush… let’s call the song Shush, came out, I was uncomfortable even as a 10 year old. Those music videos were weird.

Anyway, in 2017, she got accused of SA by a former friend. The internet, in all its glory, treated the allegations like an inconvenience more than a serious issue. They were waiting for someone to debunk the allegations so they could support their musical overlord. And someone delivered. That someone?

The Crow.

The Crow uploaded a video called ‘Why I No Longer Believe [The Victim].” At the time, I didn’t think anything of it. In 2018 and 2019, I remained impartial.

But then, that same person uploaded a 2 hour video further ‘debunking’ things, I watched it, and even though I was a young/mid teen (I’m an adult now) I didn’t like the video. It had little evidence in it, but I didn’t have the verbal skills to express why I didn’t like the video.

I became more skeptical, went through the evidence and concluded the internet mistreated a victim of SA. I listened to her music, which was released the same year. In fact, while I rarely listen to her music nowadays, it’s pretty decent. Unfortunately, the internet didn’t beat to my drum, but its own.

The fans rejoiced…

They continued to slander the victim to the point where she had to leave the internet. Mind you, the reason why this victim is doubted is because she didn’t react in the way a ‘perfect victim’ would. I suppose I should explain a ‘perfect victim’ is.

The ideal victim:

There are five criteria that make up the ‘ideal victim’ in psychology. The victim must be weak or in a position of complete powerlessness. If the victim had any slither of control over the situation, then they ‘weren’t doing enough to get out of it.’ The victim must be an upstanding citizen, someone respectable. The victim is somewhere that they can’t be blamed for being. The offender is big and bad; what you’d expect an offender to be like. The offender was unknown and had no personal relationship to her.

When people violate these sacred rules, they are considered fake victims. Liars, cheats, fakes. It doesn’t matter if it’s true, what matters is that you are perfect. Did you report it to the police, even though 2.2% of cases end in charges? Did you report it to the police, even if less than 5% of assault cases are reported and those that do aren’t taken seriously? Did you report it to the police, even if you are freshly traumatised?

Did you say no to the act? Did you say no once or twice? Did you say no enough? Did you say it too lowly, did you forget to say it? Were you quiet, were you frozen?

Were you actually there, even though the accused admitted you were?

Is the perpetrator someone we’d expect? A man?

Is the perpetrator a stranger?

Did you get dates mixed up, even though trauma does that?

Did you contradict yourself even once? Even once on accident?

Did you remain friends with the perpetrator because you didn’t realise what had happened to you yet, did you?

We put so many unrealistic expectations on victims, and it’s insane how people blindly watched a 2 hour hit piece and accepted it. I am so glad that all these years later, one YouTuber had the guts to actually call this person out on their shit, Brad Taste In Music.

Oh, and it’s pretty obvious who Leilani Ortinez is by now. Let’s face it, people only defend her because she’s famous, and because they want to enjoy her music guilt free, if they even have guilt. Which judging from the very kind attitude that her fans have, I’m assuming is true. You know, how the harassed the victim off the internet?

Oh, by the way. The victim never said they lied. That’s misinformation that The Crow AND their fans proceeded to spread.

Anyway, much like the post I made about Scott Cawthon, I have no interest in debating this topic with angry, resentful 13 year old girls who haven’t developed critical thinking yet. Then again, a lot of adults haven’t either. Nothing has been proven. It’s very rare to be able to ‘prove’ these situations either way.

I might go through the 2 hour video myself and debunk the debunking, but frankly, from what I remember and have seen… it’s disgusting.

Note: Post is getting some notes recently, here’s part 2: https://www.tumblr.com/lemonthepotato/735806499392258048/debunking-the-crows-amazing-defence-video-how-i

Another Edit: I’ve never even read Pride And Prejudice. I don’t remember why I made the title of this post that. Yeah.

[red-balloon12]

A more put together rant/review for Murder Drones EP: 6

(Spoilers Below)

Okay…so now that I’m more calmed down about the recent murder drones episode, I can express my thoughts a bit more….calmly.

So first off: Tessa and J-

I really thought the main group was gonna fight Tessa and J but I was surprised when they didn’t. I don’t have that many thoughts for J but seeing N and V reunite with J was pretty sweet (if only Uzi shut up about killing J for once. That would have been nice) but as for Tessa, Tessa was pretty badass, the whole thing worth the raptors not being able to handle the sight of actual blood was interesting. And that kinda adds to the whole thing about the humans trying to wipe out the drones asap. Despite Tessa helping the group, I don’t fully trust her and I feel like N and Uzi (mostly N) is/are gonna have to fight her at some point.

The “New Bots”, Moose Head and Cowboy Egg Baby-

I mildly enjoyed these too. They kinda remind me of those characters you see in a zombie apocalypse that’s been there for a while and had gotten the hang of how things worked. Moose Head obviously knows Uzi’s mom and it seems like the show is setting up a SU like resolution where Uzi’s mom as actually kinda bad and did some horrible stuff both on her own and under the influence of the Absolute Solver. Moose Head also knew how to deal with the disassembly drones. Putting magnets on their heads. I don’t think anyone said anything about the magnets yet so I’m gonna. I wonder if the magnets are gonna come back. That was a very interesting piece lore that literally no one’s talking about.

As for the egg boi….I don’t have a lot to say about him except….baby. Precious baby.

And now for the part you’re probably waiting for…

Nuzi and V’s death-

I know I’m in the minority when I say this…and I know this isn’t what the NUzi shippers need right now but I need to say it so that I can have clarity.

I can’t or will never be able to ship/support Nuzi as long as V is dead.

I know this is petty of me but please let me explain my reasoning.

The fact that Nuzi’s first sign of mutual attraction came in the SAME episode as V’s death rubs me the wrong way for several reasons. First of all, N’s feelings for Uzi legit came out of no where. Before episode 6 it was clear that Uzi had a thing for N but nothing in the past episodes gave me an indication that N liked Uzi back in that way. We know that N deeply cares for Uzi, yes but his way of caring for her gave me “big bro” vibes rather than “I’m in love with you” vibes.

N’s mutual attraction to Uzi doesn’t feel earned to me. It just feels shoe horned in so we can finally say that N and Uzi do like each other. And I don’t need N to be like “yeah! I love Uzi!” But they could have given us N longingly glancing at Uzi while she’s fighting or when she isn’t looking. SOMETHING to indicate N did like her back. My dude didn’t even blush once at Uzi before episode 6.

And then we have V’s death. V’s death ALSO doesn’t feel earned because like I said in my pre post about this, V’s been sidelined for the majority of this show. I know for a fact that there’s people in the fandom that didn’t give a damn about her death/celebrating her death and as malevolent as that is, I can’t fully blame them because V’s role in the show didn’t have much impact in the grand scheme of things. Her time with N and Uzi consisted of her terrorizing Uzi, keeping things from N and even temporarily killing him and needing to be rescued by the both of them. And through out the episodes, this formula mostly doesn’t change.

Sure there’s the scenes where she’s looking at how N and Uzi interact and she’s probably feeling left out and less sure about her chances with N, but there wasn’t a time where N or Uzi (especially Uzi) had a real heart to heart with V that would warrant the audience feeling bad for V/caring about her death. There’s a reason why the majority of people pissed about her death and also eNVy shippers.

And then when V finally gets that big amount of growth for her character, she dies. It just feels so cheap. Like I’ve been cheated out of what could have been V finally accepting N not liking her back anymore and her supporting N and Uzi while still helping them. Or even that and her staring to be better and that revives N’s love for V as well.

V didn’t have to die for NUzi to happen. She didn’t have to die period. She SHOULDN’T have to die. Her death (as well as the feelings the scene is trying to provoke) feels unearned and unnecessary. Until I get confirmation that this isn’t what the writers were trying to do, I’m blaming V’s death on NUzi and that’s why can’t ship NUzi. If the show just TRIED harder to utilize V more, I’m convinced we could have had both NUzi AND eNVy but instead, NUzi is canon and V’s dead.

[randomidiocyncrazies]

Gwitch s2 e4: The Cycle of Sin

I'm glad Miorine is back with Earth House and Suletta! She's so happy :3

It's really unsettling when Suletta says she'll do whatever Prospera asks of her, even kill using gundams, though she's obviously troubled by this line of questioning. She can't get out of the cult mindset on her own, but hopefully she'll have slightly more doubt going forward...

Also, I'm so glad Mio doesn't get mad *at* her—rather, she gets mad *for* her and confronts the true source of the problem. She's not stupid and knows first hand how manipulative Prospera is, so it's good that she doesn't blame Suletta for it.

It's chilling that Prospera literally does not think of Suletta as anything but a tool in her revenge/for her 'real' daughter during her confrontation with Miorine, and the whole "hee hee do you want to have your way with her next?" is soooo gross

I'm curious about where the Space Assembly League plot is going, and I'm slightly worried that 8 eps will not be enough to wrap Witch from Mercury's story up and have a satisfying ending? There are quite a lot of plot points that need to be resolved, and while the show has a quick pace idk if they can address all those in a satisfying manner.

It's interesting that they cut to Felsi at that point of the couch duo's conversation. It seems to imply that Felsi will be gunning for the Holder title herself, and with how many times Suletta talks about how she hasn't lost a duel yet, it's foreshadowing that Suletta *will* lose. I've seen speculation that Miorine orchestrates to have another Holder in order to make Suletta a less attractive tool to Prospera and to get the backing of one of the big three—if that pans out, it might also add an obstacle on the Mio/Suletta romance that they can overcome together.

Also, Felsi already felt excluded by Lauda and Petra's closeness last ep, and this time only Lauda and Petra got to reunite with Guel, so Felsi might be doing what she can for Jeturk Heavy Machinery using the skills she has with very limited information. I'm looking forward to see how her character develops in future episodes.

I hope Guel doesn't do anything dumb, his family and team needs him. Jeturk Heavy Machinery's reputation is dragged through the mud, they're going bankrupt, the Group and stakeholders need an explanation for why Jeturk MS were piloted by the terrorists, and there's an upcoming election for a new Benenit Group president, so Guel is coming back to a volatile situation. Also, the fact that Guel accidentally killed his father will come out eventually—I'm scared about what will happen to the brothers when that gets revealed... And on the same note, Shaddiq's involvement in the terrorist attack will also get revealed eventually, maybe even during the election for the Benerit Group's next president (PLEASE).

Sabina being confirmed Earthian implies that all the girls in Shaddiq's squad are Earthians, or has Earthian heritage like him—my guess is that they all came from the same orphanage, or at the very least Shaddiq and Sabina did. Their group is an interesting look into how marginalized groups wield power & status once they've been (conditionally) accepted into the privileged group, and how they don't necessarily treat others within the marginalized group they were once part of with any more sympathy/kindness. Or like, they still treat Nika and Sophie+Norea like pawns in their grand scheme, despite their grand goal of redistributing the power dynamics.

Sabina's adoption by Grassley also suggests interesting CSR practices within Grassley—Shaddiq's adoptive dad was shocked and dismayed by the events of the prologue, so I guess he and his company adopt Earthian children to "make up for it"? Since Vanadis Institute was working with an Earthian company. It's also possibly a critique on international adoption practices, where the adoptive parents see their children's native culture as inferior and has a savior complex about it.

(Also, we finally see one (1) dude in Shaddiq's faction, and he looks quite a lot older than Shaddiq, so I wonder what his deal is. We also see Shaddiq's faction is the weakest within Grassley, but they seem convinced they'll come out on top quickly, so I'm guessing they got blackmail on hand. They should damn well hope none of their own skeletons get dragged out at inopportune moments lol.)

I'm looking forward to the Benerit Group president arc—Shaddiq is extremely confident, but I'm equally confident that he'll get his smug ass kicked. He wrote Miorine off as a contender and doesn't seem to be aware of Guel's return, so he's deffo getting blindsided by at least one of them.

I also can't help but notice Peil doesn't seem to be pushing for their own contender in this ep—it fits their practice re: enhanced clones, in that they'll let someone else be the face (i.e. the Group's president) and pull strings from the shadows. Since El5n is unable to steal Ariel's secrets, they might back Miorine as president in an attempt to get at them, or even just because Mio isn't directly affiliated with one of the other big three, so them backing her gives them leverage further down the road—she'll owe them, and they don't have to contend with the pressures of Mio's own company; a Grassley candidate will have to answer to Grassley's interest first, and likewise for a Jeturk candidate. Gundam Inc. is a tiny company with little ability to push back against one of the big three, so by corporate logic Miorine 'has to' put them first.

On the subject of Peil, Belmeria talking about how she had no choice but to make enhanced clones on Peil's payroll in front of an enhanced clone whose life was fucked over because of the procedure she helped develop sure was a dumbass move—I understand that the Vanadis massacre was traumatizing and she needed to survive, but ngl I was rooting for El5n during their confrontation. And the clones are a foil to Suletta in terms of their lack of agency/autonomy—Suletta is raised to be blindly obedient through Prospera's fake care for Suletta's well-being, while the clones are not given any care and directly threatened with death for any perceived failures or refusals of compliance... but both Prospera and the Peil company sees them as nothing more but disposable tools. If given the chance, the clones will bite back, but someone who was brainwashed like Suletta would struggle a lot more with turning against their abusers.

Eri's confrontation with El5n is quite interesting: I assumed she let El4n pilot her because he was with Suletta and got her okay to do so. However, Miorine did not get Suletta's consent to pilot Ariel, but she emerged fine from the experience. Likewise, El5n did not get Suletta's consent to pilot Ariel, but unlike Miorine, he ended up violently rejected. IMO either Eri can tell that El5n intends to snoop around and uncover her secrets (Miorine didn't have that intent), or the reaction is because of El5n's enhanced Parmet sensitivity/data storm resistance (which Mio most likely lacks), or a combination of both. So far the only people who saw Eri were El4n, Sophie and El5n, all of whom are gundam pilots, and Eri/Ariel says "mom can't hear my voice" in the novella, suggesting that you have to have a certain level of Permet sensitivity(?) to communicate with her, and that maybe she only acts defensively if someone with the required Permet level who she doesn't trust is in the picture? idk if she can forcibly override the Permet scores of someone who is not receptive (connected to the GUND format), which might be why Miorine was okay back in the first ep.

the sentiment of "ends doesn't justify the means" has come up at least twice this ep, and I hope it will be more nuanced than how it's usually portrayed in most media—yanno, the kind of thing where it's like "the oppressed radical group has a good point! quick, make them so evil that the moderate course of action is the only morally justifiable one by comparison" etc etc.

Also I hope the power dynamics and structures will have a meaningful change at the end of the show, instead of "dw the right person is the supreme overlord now, so everything's gonna be okay" that a lot of stories default to. It's easy to criticize and replace a person in power; it's hard to criticize and change an oppressive system that perpetuates inequality and the suffering of minorities/the disadvantaged. the former is a superficial easy fix with no real substance, while the latter is meaningful but takes skill to write about. I'm... optimistic but cautious about Okouchi Ichirou's abilities—I've heard decent things about Code Geass, but I was personally disappointed by the ending of Sk8 (hopefully season 2 will be better?), and I've heard his endgame plots can be very divisive.

[mischas]

pod thoughts/quotes

I swear this took me least two hours to actually watch fully from start/stopping for quotes and going back for context and then I had to pause for a few minutes while I made dinner. But that was incredibly cathartic, I must say. I feel like I’ll be ready to do a deeper dive on the podcast in the coming days but for now here are my thoughts as I watched.

07:30, re: “Whoever you want me to be” it’s interesting that Mischa says they shot her lines so many different ways to establish tone. As if Marissa really is so into her role as lead deb/social chair/etc when Sandy mentions the fashion show. Rereading the pilot script, I can see where this was changed in the direction once it came to shooting it.

16:42, “The thing about the sports or something” made me LAUGH re: hiatus because of baseball in 2003

@ ferris wheel scene, do they know this show is avail in hd? 🥴👀

24:15, re: 2x01 lawn chair scene “I was so frustrated with some of the character writing and not knowing how to play it at that point” omg “Didn’t know what to do with some of the writing” 

What kind of vapid ppl are listening to this drivel if this scene was their #1

31:57, Mischa didn’t know there was an SNL skit based off Marissa shooting Trey. IF ONLY I WERE SO LUCKY

33:28, I swear to christ 😭 Mischa has no recollection of Marissa’s various traumas (re: almost r*pe). And I don’t blame her for this, I think she had to keep this show out of sight out of mind for so so long for her own sake, but I hope being reminded of these things will help her perception of Marissa as more than a strung out angsty teen with poor decision making. She seemed so shook being reminded by Melinda that Marissa was sexually assaulted.

35:40, MB seems to be saying something else behind her expression about shooting on the Mount St. Mary’s campus for 3x24. What do we think she meant by this? Just that she was uncomfortable being paraded around in that skimpy school uniform? Or something else? This location doubled for Harbor, right? She also acknowledged feeling uncomfortable in the explicit Volchok scenes.

37:54, 3x25 model home pool scene, “Oh my god her tattoo, I can’t” I really thought this was Mischa’s tattoo they wrote into the script! I’m truly surprised they even cared about continuity at this point.

38:33, same pool scene “It’s nice when you have days where you can just, like, do stuff that’s not quite so heavy” and Mischa/Marissa deserved this so much more!!!!

44:25, they’re watching the d**th scene, and I have always thought Mischa’s arms look so weird just dropped back like that. It’s probably more realistic than if they were tucked in, but it’s always taken me out of the scene

I haven’t seen this scene in years. literally

I’m tearing up but only a little. It’s too melodramatic for me this time. I know what I’m supposed to feel but it seems so detached from reality that I can easily act like Marissa survives this. There’s almost 40 min left of this pod ep what are they gonna talk about

ok going back real quick i’m supposed to believe this happened to Ryan RIGHT IN HIS LAP AND HE’S CAREFREE AND DATES SOMEONE ELSE NOT EVEN A FEW MONTHS LATER? LMFAO PLS THIS BOY WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO EVEN SPEAK FOR LIKE A YEAR IF THIS RLY HAPPENED

“This is the culmination of their whole love story, it is” okay wait 🥺

“I don’t wanna see the part where he gets all emotional, I’m done now” real

49:31, Melinda: “Truth be told, there was a huuuuuge part of the audience that tuned in just for Marissa and the ratings did go down in season 4 because you weren’t there. I’m just putting that out there.” *elmo fire gif* 🫡 

55:40, 1x10 Missoni dress “They got the dress and I was obsessed, like ‘she has to wear this dress.’ It’s beautiful, like my dream dress at the time. That’s the way I felt about it. It’s all sparkly in person and just very Missoni. You know, after the fact, I became quite good friends with the family but this was like my first introduction to a Missoni piece and I was like ‘Oh my god I’m obsessed with this dress’ to the point where I begged them. This was like one of the first things they let me wear off set and it was my first date dress with, like, one of my ex-boyfriends. I was so excited I got to wear it out. It was special. So that dress has a special place in my heart, that’s for sure.”

1:01:40, fan question, “What do you think is the biggest misconception about Marissa? What’s the one thing that you just wish people would understand about her?”

“That she’s a caring– a very sensitive person. That’s the main thing about her, she’s just this sensitive and– that she wants to care for people and help them. she has a big heart like that.” 🥹

1:05:36 “Originally, they wanted her to be more like Legally Blonde.” 

Melinda, “Like bubbly?”

Mischa’s fucking face here lmao

1:06:00, to find Marissa’s character “They had me watch Kate Hudson in Almost Famous again and again, certain scenes.” Why is this actually making sense to me ljkhgf

1:07:04, Marissa at the party post-fashion show in the pilot was filmed many different ways drunk, “I remember I was asked to play that every way to Sunday. ‘Like now she should be fall down drunk, like she’s stumbling through the party’ and then there were takes where I was, like, completely composed. A little bit slurring my words. That was all find it as you go.”

1:08:10, “A lot of opposing types of direction” re: doug, mcg, josh

1:09:36, “Remember when they started shooting two episodes at a time and they would just hand me pages–I don’t know if you guys had as much of this– But they would be like ‘this is gonna be probably in the next episode and since we’re on this set we’re gonna give this scene a go so here’s a couple pages from what’s probably gonna happen’ and I’d be like ‘this is wild! what have you written for the next episode?’ You'd read it and be like ‘holy shit where are we going with this?’ so I remember a lot of that.” She mentioned this in the E! interview but hearing it again is super interesting.

1:10:27, fan question, “I wanted to ask you if there are any storylines you would’ve wanted to see more of for Marissa or if there’s anything you would’ve liked to have seen of Marissa explored.”

“Yeah, I feel like definitely the Alex storyline is what jumps to mind. I feel like that could’ve been explored more. Also there’s not a lot of her and her sister, really. You know? That could’ve been explored more.”

1:11:39, mentioning that the Alex storyline really was ‘her thing’ ie. something I’ve said in the past. The Alex storyline was the only one that was ever Marissa’s alone.

1:12:26, fan submission “Marissa was my favorite character. One of my favorite moments of her was midway through season 2 when Marissa shows up to the Cohen house with bagels and they take her in and comfort her.” real!!!! theeee sweetest scene of all time

1:17:20, Tacking on that fan question at the end about Marissa and mental health. Mischa has such an eloquent answer and to answer my own question from above I feel like this may change the discourse with which MB speaks about the character. At least I hope so. Love that caller for sending it in and honestly the pod for including it. 

“Obviously she suffers from depression and anxiety and all sorts of things. That’s what I was saying about the overdose scene. I do not remember what we think she’s on or what we really think her biggest problem is. Ultimately it’s rooted in mental wellness, isn’t it? I mean, so much of anything is. Any kind of addiction, it’s not really about just one thing or vice that she has. It’s about being at that age and being so overwhelmed about the world around you and not really feeling like she had the tools to cope.”

MC: “The episode is called ‘The Escape’. So she’s escaping that pain that she’s living through that the parents are oblivious to.”

MB: “Right. There’s nobody. There’s never, like, a counselor there or a teacher there. It does feel like she’s always grasping in different directions. It’s not properly defined and I think, maybe in today’s terms, we would handle that differently. But I definitely think that she’s going through all of it and searching for herself.”

Whew, you guys. I need to decompress. 

[touchmycoat]

Temptation Tuesday oh I love it: a list of the ideas distracting you from your current WIP (tagged by @authenticaussie)

fic ideas pouring out my brain (all Only Friends TTT):

sequel to everyone bleeds, Sand catches Ray & Boeing at the hotel and has a Fucking Moment. Ray gets to see Sand's insecurities up close and personal.

Ep 12 fix-it where BostonNickBoeing bang at the club, Nick goes with Boston to the nye party, and Sand apologizes to Boston in front of the whole friend group about stealing the recording. This disrupts the "Boston needs to apologize to everyone" flow and Cheum gets competitive apologizes too for the Atom thing. BostonRay bff agenda, and as everyone gets progressively more drunk Mew also comes around. Ray and Mew catch Boston & Cheum up on the whole Boeing situation and Boston demands to see a pic. Nick is horrified he sucked Sand's ex's dick 'cause that's not Bro Code.

OF x Not Me crossover where once upon a time, Sand helps a random street artist escape pursuit by cops and as luck would have it, Dan's one of the arresting officers at the Halloween party. Problem is, Dan's more interested in shutting Sand up than taking Top's money so he finds an excuse to take Sand away (a la Dan just kidnapping Yok out of school & taking him to an abandoned building). This is where all my dark fantasies can go but point is, no good deed goes unpunished for Sand yet again and Ray has to contend with the fact that Sand's bearing the consequences for his recklessness.

Another Not Me crossover but it's just a Sand/Ray/Yok threesome, 'cause Sand trusts Yok and Ray deserves to be the filling in a First sandwich

OF x The Shipper crossover where Kim's working in heaven as *handwave* a junior in the Grace department (in exchange he gets to watch his loved ones grow old and move on, at least for a little bit, until he feels like he's got closure). He develops a little program based on A Christmas Carol and yoinks Ray to purgatory to show Ray past, present, and future: Sand's past with Boeing to explain why Sand reacted the way he did when Boeing came back into the picture; the present, some of the little things Sand does because of Ray that Ray doesn't know about; a vision of the future where eventually Ray's inability to exercise patience & self-destructive tendencies results in him really hurting Sand again. Ray gets frustrated at this point at Kim putting all this blame on him. Kim reveals that Sand's been his client this whole time, not Ray; it's Sand who needs a bit of grace. Ray's even more panicked at the prospect of failing Sand so he asks why Kim didn't just tell Sand all this instead of him. Cue Kim monologue about how he just wanted to prove something, how he'd immediately seen Sand was the type to stupidly carry the whole world on his shoulders and how he just wondered if someone Sand loved would be willing to share the burden.

Don't know if this would be a part of ^ fic or a separate relapse fic but Ray & Kim having a conversation about suicidal thoughts. Something about how Ray imagined his death would bring people relief vs. Kim imagining his death would bring about regret, very vindictive how does it feel to lose everything I do for you huh? vibes. And ultimately how both their thoughts stem out of the same desire: I wish I could stop. Ray wants to stop fucking up and disappointing his loved ones. Kim wanted to stop taking everything onto himself and resenting the world for it.

I don't fucking know I just have so much unresolved grief about Kim I want to rotate him

Tagging YOU who sees this (so I can scramble to a work meeting nsklfasjdbfksd)

[baronessblixen]

I think the Essence script revealed a few things:

CC had tried to build up a Scooby Doo gang-- Skinner closer than ever to Scully and Mulder, no longer bound by fears for his job and acting on their emotional behalfs, etc; Doggett the new recruit who goes above and beyond the call of duty and wins Scully's then Mulder's trust enough to justify Mulder's actions in Existence; and Reyes wedging in last minute to win an irreparable trusting part of this dynamic by delivering William.

...All of that didn't happen because:

The material S8 explored was cheap in comparison to the HUGE new dynamics and moral quandaries/questions it constantly posed.

S8 is all about the human element of The X-Files: characters confessing fears, crying, clinging and leaning on each other, etc. outside of the bubble of Mulder and Scully. The PROBLEM is that would require greater shifts in dynamics that would bleed heavily into the plot once Mulder came back.

To all of these actors' credit, they made mountains out of script molehills: they work their tails off to emit the emotions that aren't written down or spoken. This bleeds into the crucial point:

The season finale hinges, strangely, on Mulder and Doggett's relationship: which isn't surprising, really, as this is about the new recruit getting trusted by the established veteran on the files. Add to that Mulder's caustic distrust, PTSD, and a host of other complications and that could have been a JUICY dynamic. But... for each opportunity the ensuing episodes present, the circumstances never GROW their relationship like Skinner and Scully's grew: instead of understanding and learning to trust each other's judgment (like Scully did in Within/Without and TINH w/ Skinner), Mulder and Doggett just... rotate around each other while solving the plot. And they were given AMAZING opportunities: Empedocles, Doggett comes around to a Mulder belief that affects his son and Reyes; Vienen, Mulder gets to see Doggett's street-style cop methods work in tandem with his X-Files edge then has to hand the files over (which is never touched on but that would be HUGE); and Alone where Mulder ditches his family man routine to save Doggett. All of this only softens Doggett to Mulder but never changes Mulder towards Doggett except for some professional respect... ish. And because of that, his extreme and sudden blind faith in Existence with Scully's location makes NO sense, especially because he arbitrarily decides this guy he tolerates should know where his partner and son are and not him and for no real reason.

It's... bizarre. This is my favorite season of all time; and the writers really, really worked magic with what they could. But the directionless steering post Without-- which had established a tighter narrative than previous seasons because it bled directly and daily into the characters' lives in a way that mytharc eps that happened, concluded, and moved on didn't-- and especially post TINH was a mad scramble, imo.

I don't blame anyone; but Essence (and probably Existence) scripts reaaaaaaally highlight the poor handling of those juicy, complicated, and more important than ever character moments that were left on the cutting room floor, sadly. (Though I'm so happy @x-files-scripts is uploading them; because I can overly dissect them~.)

I agree. I think he built up that Scooy Doo gang knowing season 9 would have to be different with DD gone.

Like you said, the season has so much human element in it, and therefore so much potential, but for the most part it remains potential. CC likes to remind everyone that the show has never answered questions and remains vague. That's all great and fine when it concern a government conspiracy or the mytharc in general.

Mulder coming back from being dead and him just being like he always was, Scully turning into a passive bystander who has things happen to her and decided for her, needed more. The fact that we got anything remotely emotional fulfilling is thanks to the actors. It seems as though CC sees his characters as static. They're a certain way and no matter what happens, they remain that way. And that worked in the earlier seasons maybe, but in season 8 it's ridiculous.

Like you said, we could have had so much witj Mulder's PTSD and him and Doggett, but that was never anything that CC was interested in telling. Which- fine. But then don't turn it into an emotional story for the characters.

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

oh my first ever fim ship...

"Green Isn't Your Color" was literally just like: here's an ep that shows fluttershy and rarity having weekly just-them spa dates, where stressed out fashionista rarity can talk and talk while easily stressed fluttershy relaxes next to her, happily and ACTIVELY interested in the details of rarity's life, so happy for rarity when a fashion photographer notices her work- here we see rarity get the chance of a lifetime to kickstart her dream career, and who does she trust to be BEAUTIFUL and GRACEFUL enough to help make those dreams come true? fluttershy

here we see flutterSHY (its in her NAME) agreeing to model for rarity hoping it'll help her friend get her big break- DELIGHTED when it looks like it HAS

(rarity, for a moment thinking it hasn't, taking all the blame of that on herself- never once even suggesting fluttershy wasn't in fact perfect for the photoshoot, no, rarity surely just failed to accentuate her with the right amount of feathers..)

here we see the local animal caregiver, who normally lives in a cottage at the edge of town, getting discovered INSTEAD of rarity- being horrified over it- but going on and gritting her teeth through suddenly become a fashion star in her friend's place- bc it's the chance of a LIFETIME and rartiy want's that for fluttershy! BEGS her to take it, for rarity!

so fluttershy does... she whispers "you can't let rarity down" and chants her friend's little "you must do this. you must you must you must..." while gathering her strength to walk the catwalk as it it was a gangplank on a pirate ship

and rarity! is SEETHING!! oh SHE should be the one getting mobbed by strangers- SHE should be the one shining all over equestria-!!!

but when she's with fluttershy, she puts on a smile and only talks about how excited she is for fluttershy, how happy fluttershy must be- and even when fluttershy's dragged away for a thing at a place, when she pauses to confirm they'll do their weekly spa date- rarity is all "Of course! I can't wait to hear about the... thing at the place..."

her envy and jealously is SO. STRONG. but it doesn't really hit boiling until rarity's sitting in the spa, waiting and waiting, getting pruny and realizing fluttershy is probably too BUSY for their spa dates now

THEN she says to twilight how she wishes fluttershy's star would just burn out-

only it's so easy to see a strong current of another kind of jealously mixed in here, since it's fluttershy not being with her that's sparked this- the fashion world is getting all the fluttershy time, but what about rarity? equestira is seeing her friend plastered all over like a super model- but RARITY can't even see her at their weekly spa date. she's so upset about it!

"obviously Fluttershy's just too busy with her new career to spend time with her best friend"

oh rarity wants to be famous. she's worked so hard for it, it's her dream- but it's never more important than fluttershy, to her, as she swears twilight to secrecy, frantic that fluttershy should never find out about her envy

MEANWHILE, POOR TWILIGHT listening to FLUTTERSHY admit how she hates being a model (fluttershy! using the word HATE!!!), how it's horrible for her, but she has to do it for rarity, she must she must she must... twilight suggests she quit, but no, fluttershy is sure that would Devastate rarity- (twilight sparkle is about to explode) -and rarity matters more to fluttershy than literally living a life that she hates

then.... then there's twi's plot to MAKE fluttershy act ungraceful and get fired... (using magic) (since as twilight says "on her own, fluttershy could never do something unattractive")... so fluttershy can escape the fame without feeling like she completely let rarity down...

and for a second, it almost seems to work

the crowd is horrified. they're BOOING. the fashion pony is saying she make a terrible mistake in picking fluttershy-

only for Rarity to start cheering.

Bravo! she cries, bravo- she came to watch the show for fluttershy, even with being jealous- she calls out "such attitude! such pizzazz! she's invented an entirely new kind of modeling! bravo!" and TURNS THE MOOD OF THE CROWD AROUND with her unwavering support in her friend

fluttershy is even more famous than ever, bc rarity won't stand for anyone booing her

even though, as she admit to fluttershy right afterwards- rushing into the dressing room to ask if she's alight- even though seeing the crowd turn on fluttershy is what rarity wanted

until she saw it happen, anyway. and now she's horrified at herself, bursting out with the truth to fluttershy- all of it, the jealousy-

(she could keep it quiet and keep herself looking proper and prim but not when hiding it could fester things to the point of her WANTING even for a MOMENT for something bad to happen to fluttershy- SHE couldn't live with that, would rather admit to being a terrible friend than see her friend get hurt-) (not so terrible after all, realy)

rarity confesses all, and ends it with "-all I could think was how could I want you to fail at something you love so much?"

(love- of whatever kind you wanna see- is the reason all of this even happened at all)

and finally fluttershy can say she hate's modeling actually. rarity can be shocked- fluttershy, afraid rarity would be mad if she didn't want to "shine all over equestria" (fluttershy not wanting to look like she's making less of rarity's dream, knowing just how important it is to rarity, not know something else is so much MORE important)

they laugh, they promise not to keep such secrets from each other, fluttershy politely but firmly informs the photo pony she's quitting and rarity leaves the fashion world behind with her for a moment, the two of them buddying up on a joke and so giddy with relief at being on the same page again

and their weekly spa dates are back on again

there's more later in the show, there's lots of change for both of them, but i love that they were close before the elements of harmony, that fluttershy can give devastating critiques of rarity's work bc she KNOWS enough about it to see when the wrong stitch was used on a dress- that rarity is the main one (out of the mane six) coming to fluttershy for pet help with her beloved grumpy cat-

there's the shy pony living at the edge of the woods and the social butterfly living in her boutique in the middle of town and they both like fashion and animals even if not in the same ways or degrees, and they both like each other, and being around each other, and its very. Very sweet <3

Appledash this, fluttercord that, NO

I WANT

RARISHY

Please and thank you.

They are so cute!! Fluttershy has her extensive knowledge of sewing and can run the boutique for short periods of time, plus she's an excellent model when it's super important. Rarity goes out of her way to defend fluttershy and makes sure not to let people walk all over flutters !! She also appreciates the help of Fluttershys critters on occasion. ((like the raccoons in the boutique))

THEY HAVE SO MANY CUTE SCENES TOGETHER, IT KILLS ME /POS

[terry-perry]

Reckless pt. 2

Pairing: Steven Grant x Reader

Warnings: Angst, unplanned pregnancy, spoiler for ep. 5 of Moon Knight

A/N: I came up with something after watching that heartbreaking episode. So this might be a little sad since it delves into who Marc is, as a person. Pt. 3 in the works, as we speak. Enjoy!

Pt. 1

You shouldn't have left the way you did. It's just that damn plus sign was staring right at you. You had to get away from it. After you got to work, you managed to distract yourself and clear your head a bit to think about the situation.

But now you were freaking out for a whole new reason. In your state of panic, you didn't exactly do a good job hiding the test. Steven could've easily found it once he got up to use the bathroom.

You stood outside his apartment, not knowing what to expect. You put your hand over the doorknob, but not before placing your other hand over your stomach. You sighed.

Here goes nothing.

"Steven?" You came in, doing your best to dial back your worry.

"In the kitchen, love,"

You sighed with relief. Your anxious thoughts had you worrying that he might've ran off in a similar way you had.

He also didn't sound angry. In fact, once you entered the kitchen and found him slurping a bowl of soup, he welcomed you with a big smile. That was a definite good sign, right?

"Hey sweetheart," you greeted him, leaning down to peck his lips. Still at that level, you were able to see what he was eating. "Ooh, loaded potato!"

"Got it from that deli you like. Made sure yours had extra cheese in it."

"Best boyfriend ever," you said, giving him a big kiss on the cheek.

"Sit down," he got up to pull out a chair for you. "I'll fix you a bowl."

You were happy for a bit longer as you watched him take a container out from the fridge. That was until you had to get back out of your bubble when you remembered why you needed to talk to him.

"Um, Steven--"

"I know," he interrupted you. When he turned around to look at you, that soft smile was still on his precious face.

"You know?"

"About the baby,"

There! It was finally out in the open. You had to give another relieved sigh. But now what was on his mind about all this? He didn't seem angry. Quite the opposite, really. He even got you your favorite food.

"Sorry I didn't tell you when I found out," you said. "I needed some time to myself to think about things."

"Totally get that," he responded, sitting back at the table with your soup. "And what are you thinking now?"

"I think...I think -- if we both want to -- that we can do it."

You really believed you could. You both were stable enough to take care of a baby. You weren't living together, but you could figure out the living arrangements.

"I know we haven't talked about kids, but I think this is going to be okay. It's scary, but exciting. Don't you think?"

He had stayed quiet, which put you back on edge. His smile was gone as he appeared to do some thinking of his own. You could practically see the wheels in his head turning. Thankfully his smile returned as he reached out to take your hand and give it a loving squeeze.

"I want to do this with you," he said.

There was more, you knew there was. "But...?"

He let out a deep breath. "There's something I haven't told you. I should've, so I'm going to." Another exhale. "Just please know that I love you more than anything, and I love that you're carrying our baby."

You were confused and, quite frankly, a little scared. There was something he was keeping from you? He wasn't married, was he? An Avenger, maybe? That could be possible since the original ones weren't really around anymore. Deciding it was best to just listen, you nodded and kept a tight grip on his hand to prepare for whatever was about to unfold.

----

Steven told you his whole story. Well, his and this Marc Spector's story. Apparently, Steven was only around because he was how Marc coped with the troubling childhood he had. He told you about their brother Randall, how their mother blamed Marc for his death and abused him as a result. The jobs Marc took after being discharged from the military.

He told you everything.

He was in tears by the time he was done. So were you. You wanted to comfort this poor man and give him the world after everything he'd been through. He told you everything in great detail, you didn't think he was lying.

In fact, you had heard about this condition. Dissociative Identity Disorder. You only knew the basic facts about it, and that it can be a result from dealing with traumatic events. The story you were told was certainly traumatic, if not, heartbreaking.

But, of course, you had questions.

"Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"I was going to eventually," Steven said. "I just wasn't sure how to. You see, Marc and I had a deal. He promised me that I could be at the front. That I could have more of a life for myself. He's kept his word, until recently."

Putting two and two together, you figured out the timing.

"How does he feel about the baby?"

"He's mixed about the whole thing," Steven confessed. He was hesitating, though. There was something else.

"How mixed exactly?" You pressed on.

He kept quiet. There was an inner conflict going on that had to do with telling you the whole truth. An inner conflict he might've been having with Marc.

"Marc doesn't want this baby, does he?" You guessed.

Steven straightened up, wanting to look at you completely so you knew he was being sincere. "Marc doesn't know how to feel about this. You have to know he's a very complicated guy. He doesn't think he deserves to be happy. And because of the stuff we went through, he can't handle things that he can't control. It's why his initial reaction was to up and leave after seeing the test."

"Wait, what?" You stood up from your seat with fresh tears forming. You'd been worried that this situation would lead to a break up.

Was this really happening?

Noticing your sudden distress, Steven got up right away to hold you. "Darling, no, it's okay. It's okay. I told him we aren't leaving, all right?" He took your face in his hands and thumbed away a few of the tears that spilled out. "It's why I had to tell you before Marc did anything like that." His hand went down to your stomach, looking at it with so much love. "I want this. I want you. And -- even if he won't admit it out loud --I know Marc wants this too."

Out loud. That gave you an idea.

"Let me talk to Marc,"

You startled Steven, somewhat, with your suggestion. His worry lingering when asking you if you were sure about doing such a thing.

"If he's the one that needs convincing, then let me try talking to him," you said.

Steven stared at you for a little longer. He now just wanted to have a good look at you, it seemed. Like he wasn't sure when was the next time he'd see you.

"Hey," you whispered in a reassuring tone. "We'll be here when you get back. I promise."

He nodded before pressing a firm kiss on your lips. He took a couple seconds to savor it until he released you with a soft gasp. He stepped back from you, and with one more teary smile, he closed his eyes and shifted in place. With a roll of his shoulders, he opened his eyes up again.

To be continued...

[issamultistan]

mishap. | yang jungwon

paring: idol!jungwon x idol!reader

wc: 1,823 (one thousand, eight hundred twenty-three) excluding texts

warnings: MENTIONS OF FOOD (reader likes chocolate), and just minor cursing (slang/acronyms)

contents: fem!reader, reader is a predebut engene, jungwon and reader falls in l*ve, really cute fluff, humorous at the end, some inkigayo sandwich type shit LMAOOOO, both jungwon + reader are replacement mubank mcs for sunghoon + wonyoung, reader is wonyoung’s close friend, smau kinda idk? like texting

notes: remember how i said riki was the only one that's gonna get a fluff??? yeah nvm. please be warned that i am a NSFW/SMUT BLOG!!! not a typical writer blog! like i said before soft blocks are okay :) anyways i miss jungwon bye enjoy this

LMFAOOO I WROTE THIS BEFORE THE EP OF “IDOLS WHO RAID THE CONVENIENCE STORE” AIRED BUT LOOK WONYOUNG STEALING CHOCOLATES FOR Y/N

“you're mc-ing with yang jungwon?!”

“like the yang jungwon from enhypen??”

“our senior performer enhypen's yang jungwon??”

an immediate sigh comes from your mouth. your group members was shocked at the fact you, a recently debuted idol, gets to mc with yang jungwon. when you got the message, you wanted to scream in happiness but also, in pain. yang jungwon was someone you thought was really cool (and handsome) back in your trainee years and you still think that now. it was a bit surreal to even think you were even breathing the same air as him.

“wonyoung texted me last night and same with our manager.” you informed your group members as calmly as possible. the butterflies in your stomach kept on spewing out the more you thought about it. a following of cheers, screaming, and laughter came from your members. as much as you laughed with them, they were a hassle. they made this a bit bigger than intended.

taking a look back at your phone, you see the texts again from both wonyoung and your manager.

YESTERDAY

this was surely going to be an experience.

once you finished doing the pre-recording for your groups’ comeback, you entered in a different waiting room. one that had none other than yang jungwon was waiting inside with the other staff members. when you opened the door, you bowed to the stylists, makeup artists, and hairstylists to avoid your attention from jungwon. all you wanted was for this to go smoothly. after all, you were still a big fan of enhypen even after debut.

“hello, you must be y/n. i’m yang jungwon from enhypen! it’s very nice to meet you.” the taller boy bowed at you at a distance. you bowed back a bit too shakily as you smiled to the boy in front of you.

“hi, yeah, i’m y/n from [group]. it’s very nice to meet you too, mr. jungwon.” the formality takes jungwon aback a bit. he laughs at it softly before speaking,

“no need for formalities. i mean we’re both ‘04 liners, correct? we should treat each other as friends, if that’s okay with you.” you nod while pursing your lips. you wanted to be respectful since jungwon was your senior but you were glad he wanted to feel more casual. on the other hand, jungwon tried his best to contain his excitement.

can i blame him though? you were amazing at singing, an even better rapper, a good dancer, really attractive and most importantly, really kind. when sunghoon first found out you were mc-ing with jungwon, he didn’t hesitate to tell him what he knew of you. jungwon remembers the entire conversation since he couldn’t wait to know even more about you. “y/n from [group]? oh she’s like wonyoung’s closest friend. she talks about her often while we’re on break. by the looks of it, y/n is super caring. wonyoung says y/n always has her back no matter what. i think wonyoung even said y/n got her flowers when she debuted in iz*one and in ive? i don’t know, i have to recheck on that but it seems like a y/n move to do.”

oh man, jungwon was hooked. talented, cute, and kind? you sparked interest in jungwon’s eyes. “is there anything else you know about her, hoon?” he asked his older friend over the phone.

“hmm, y/n apparently loves sweets, specifically chocolate. i remember wonyoung stole like seven different types of sweets, half of them were chocolate, in the waiting room and stuffed it in her bag. when i asked why she replied with ‘y/n steals gummies for me, i steal chocolate for her.’ and that’s it. don’t ask more about y/n. if you wanna be her boyfriend then just ask her questions when you meet her.”

jungwon’s eyes shot up wide. “WHAT I DON’T LIKE HER LIKE THAT.” he was glad he was only on a regular phone call with sunghoon, or else the evident redness of his cheeks would surely get screenshotted on sunghoon’s phone and passed around to the other members. jungwon didn’t like like you like that… or did he?

not so shortly after your small interaction, both your manager and (you were guessing) jungwon’s manager came into the room saying that there was only ten minutes to get changed and change your makeup. after quickly freshening up, the both of you headed towards the small stage. the nervousness flushed throughout your body. how was this going to go? how will the fans react? even with an absurd amount of thoughts in your head, you still continued.

“STARTING IN 3... 2... QUE!” the director shouted out before the red light “on air” turned on. let the show begin.

“ever-evolving k-pop! the heart of korean wave!” jungwon first starts off.

“with the world watching...” you continued the introduction.

“it's music bank live!” the two of you finished off including the cute script card peekaboo that you always enjoyed watching wonyoung do.

“hello! we're the substitute 37th music bank mcs. y/n from the girl group, [group].”

“and jungwon from the boy group, enhypen!” a subtle smile appears on jungwon's face as he turns and faces you. he was getting too giddy for his liking.

“unfortunately, jangkku will not be here tonight so, here we are!” you smile back at jungwon. he... he was really cute. his cat-like features being very pronounced when he smiled.

“please be reassured that sunghoon is still resting well and wonyoung currently has a late shoot. wonyoung will be back next week.” jungwon states to finalize the introduction. time passes as the two of you interview some of the performers. some you knew and others you didn't. it was a cool experience to meet new groups and singers. you were even going to check some out afterwards since their performance or their song was really good. nonetheless everything ended off smoothly until the outro.

“sadly enough, we will have to go. i hope everyone stays safe and warm!” jungwon says in a slightly pouty tone. he didn't want this to end. he didn't want the time with you to end. did he really just fall in love with a co-worker? yes. yes he did.

“wonie feels the same as i do!” you say without realizing what you just said. you simply said it without any thoughts before jungwon stutters out, “sorry?”

you looked at him as if he was crazy when in reality, you were. when you said “wonie”, you meant it as you were feeling sad with wonyoung. not jungwon. when you realized your mistake you immediately starting bowing saying a formal “sorry” a million times over. what was even worse was that you knew in your head this was going to be clipped on twitter. you started frantically saying how you meant it as wonyoung but jungwon has his thoughts somewhere else. his work crush basically just called him “wonie”. the endearment was stuck in his head like a flytrap. he loved it so much.

“no, it's alright! i just got confused.” jungwon coolly says before lightly patting your back. the show soon ended and once the staffs said “that's a wrap”, you dashed to your waiting room. the members already went home and started frantically text you about your little mishap, you ignored it though. to embarrassed to even speak, with one press of a button you saw your entire timeline fill with clips and comments of the accident. you wanted to drown in sorrow. your fans just had to bring up your predebut covers of enhypen's songs. this was an absolute nightmare.

jungwon felt bad. like really bad. did he embarrass you more by patting your back? he didn't even think you calling him “wonie” was that big of a deal. but even if he didn't think mind it, you did. that was the worse part. jungwon was never the type of person to allow something like this to someone's head. it then hit him. what if he got chocolate for you? sunghoon did mention that you were an avid chocolate liker, so why not? he quickly asks his manager if he could pick up two hershey's bars from a near by convenience store.

his manager's eyes shifted, “why...?” jungwon momentarily forgot he was an idol. if he said it was for you, a meeting at hybe would've been called.

“oh, sunghoon was craving mubank chocolate but there wasn't any so hershey's will do.” his manager hummed in response, seeming to buy the lie. the plan was going perfect. all he needed was a napkin, ribbon, and a pen. he was going to make you happier no matter what. was this a bit excessive? maybe.

after jungwon's manager got the chocolate, jungwon neatly folds the napkin to look like an envelope and wrote a small note inside. after taking the ribbon from a fruit basket, he ties it into a pretty bow. after finishing, he asks a staff member to give it to you. everything was perfect. he quickly packs up too and heads out the door.

a knock resonates the entire empty room. you jerk up your head and got up to open the door. “hello, ms. y/n. a special delivery.” a staff member hands two chocolate bars, your favorite brand hershey's to be exact. they quickly close the door as you sat back down to look at the chocolates.

did wonyoung send these?

the white, silk bow was tied very prettily to the dark brown contrast of the chocolate wrapper. unravelling the bow, a napkin fell. you picked up, first wanting to throw it away but, you noticed some words written inside. opening up, it presented neat handwriting that said the following.

hey y/n, that whole accident on stage shouldn't cause that big of a fuss. really, i actually thought was kinda cute. i got these (well my manager bought them) chocolate bars since i know that you like them from sunghoon (wonyoung told him). hopefully you don't mind hershey's!! once again, don't think much of it. if you don't mind i'd actually like to get to know you more. you seem really cool and sweet in like a friendly way... unless HAHAHA KIDDING I AM KIDDING. anyways here's my number if you wanna chat :) hope to hear from you soon. (xxx)-xxx-xxxx

♡ wonie (2.0)

were you dreaming? surely not. i mean it's not like the yang jungwon just called you sweet and cool, right? …right?! he even called you cute, like indirectly of course, but still. not only that he wants to get you know you more in a more friendly way? he also placed a heart next to his name?! and not even his name, he put “wonie”. yang jungwon was going to be the death of you and you liked it. putting in jungwon's number, you hesitantly text first.

‎i guess wonyoung won’t be the only person you’ll be calling wonie from now on.

sfw masterlist !

© issamultistan | tumblr

[rishi-eel]

thinking (yet again!) about the differences between the bad batch story reels and the season seven arc and like... some changes just blow my mind because all it did, really, was make the bad batch less likable.  

lets star with the whole “reg” thing. if i remember correctly, in the originals “regs” is said twice. the first instance is by crosshair when taunting jesse in the LAAT. the second is said by hunter: he tells tech (who’s hacking into the cyber center) that he and wrecker are going to “go get the regs” (i.e. rex and jesse). that is, hunter only used it among his squad when the others were not present (much like how cody informs that the bad batch are defective clones out of earshot. these words are descriptors, but there’s also an offense associated to being referred to by them). the idea that hunter has restraint referring to regular clones this way in their faces connects, i think, to how hunter was a tad more apologetic to jesse in the original script. “he means regular clones. don’t take it personal. it’s just that we don’t always follow protocol” carried an actual sense of hunter trying to convince jesse that it’s nothing to do with him.   

it’s interesting, i think, that in a context where you have clones and defective clones, that the bad batch (as defective clones) would find a way to talk about other clones in reference to themselves in a way that normalizes their own existence. it also introduces the idea that the bad batch experience a level of disconnect, and even animosity, in regards to other clones. all that can be conveyed by only using the word twice. the season seven episodes added three more instances, and in all of them the bad batch members comfortably throw the word around the clones who “are regs.” the sense of separateness (which, again, was already established/achieved by using it just two times) is only made stronger (thus more needs to be done to portray a sense of reconciliation or coming together. the reels succeed this to an extent because that barrier wasn’t built up as high). 

so yeah in the original... wrecker didn’t say “we always get shot down when we travel with regs,” he kept quiet as he helped people out of the wrecked gunship (in fact, wrecker lost a lot of subtlety going from the reels to the final eps, which i’ll get back to). hunter didn’t fake-compliment rex with a “not bad, for a reg”! and oh boy crosshair’s comment implying that echo is worthless and expendable because he’s a “reg”... yeah that was not in the reels either. in fact, not only does crosshair not call echo a reg, the meaning of his original dialogue was completely different.

in the original, after hunter voices his suspicions echo might be dead, crosshair suggests that if alive echo could be cooperating with the enemy, making him a traitor. rex takes this as an attack on echo’s character and crosshair explains that no, he’s not intending to insult echo, by saying: “oh i don’t blame him, if i were left for dead, i wouldn’t be so loyal.” and like!!!!! that’s such a radically different line of dialogue because crosshair seems to blame rex for having left echo behind, actually. if you betrayed the republic to survive, or even out of spite, i don’t blame you even if you now present a threat to myself and my family, is such an interesting, empathetic sentiment. and that contrasts with the lack of regard given to rex, making it read like he’s condemning rex for leaving someone behind. crosshair doesn’t seem to understand, as an experimental commando clone, the pressures rex as a legion captain is under, because he’s seen a less expandable (they’re a specially trained four man team, if one dies that’s 25% of the unit gone. is there a replacement for that member? you get the idea). so you’ve got a clash between different povs, but also crosshair being shown as having a set of morals, chief among them being that you do not leave anyone behind. so remember when rex says to move out and crosshair goes “commander cody is in no position to move” yeah i’d say that’s crosshair making sure cody isn’t being left behind. when crosshair saves anakin? that’s because he saw anakin go off on his own and followed him. because you don’t leave people behind. and like... the idea that yeah crosshair is an asshole. he’s unpleasant and that’s deliberate. he doesn’t care if people like him and he’s not trying to be liked. but that he values the lives of other people and looks out for them? that makes an interesting, flawed and multifaceted character. that got lost in the dialogue change because its no longer suggested that crosshair holds these values.

as for what i said earlier about wrecker: he lost subtle, nonverbal moments through the addition of lines that are either anticlimactic or only serve to make him seem loud or ditzy in an exaggerated fashion. he didn’t laugh when the LAAT came down. he was quiet as he helped people out of the downed gunship (no comment about regs!). he didn’t say “boom” when the ship exploded in the background after he flipped it over (the difference? a character moment that’s actually cool and impressive vs something that’s corny). when wrecker comes to crosshair’s aid by picking rex off of him, there was no quippy one liner. there was no need for anything to be said for it to be understood that wrecker is acting as a barrier and it trying to intimidate rex. when he’s afraid to get onto the elevator? that’s conveyed visually through camera angles and through hunter picking up on the fact that he’s scared. he doesn’t scream (if you can call a comical “aah what is that thing oh no its going to get me” a scream) when the organic decimator almost gets him. when they walk across the pipe? wrecker doesn’t whimper or talk to himself for comfort. he is scared of heights, that’s already been established, but he’s also a grown man and a soldier like he’s keeping that to himself? like we see wrecker hesitating to walk on the ledge but doing it anyway because he has to. in a piece of dialogue that was cut, tech said “does anyone want to know the odds of us making it across alive?” to which wrecker (who’s you know already having a bad time) interrupts with “don’t even think about it, tech” (if ur curious, this exchange was replaced with: wrecker: “keep walking tech!” tech: “that’s fine, but if you fall don’t take me with you” which???? uuh weird exchange). also, the fact that wrecker was mostly dealing with his fear silently means that when hunter tells wrecker to hold on because they’re almost there... that’s because hunter knows he’s scared and is checking up on him. basically... any kind of serious moment was cheapened by having wrecker talk in them. now i don’t want to say that DBB is a bad voice actor, but his expertise is making animal noises. he’s not able to do a realistic, deep voice, meaning that whenever wrecker talks he kind of sounds like a joke. it’s fine when wrecker is actual being lighthearted and jokey, but otherwise? the emotion just does not come across as genuine, which breaks the stakes or weakens credibility.  

and god the whole plot point about the bad batch being suspicious of echo was nonexistent in the reels. the “don’t worry, echo says he’s got a plan”/”that makes me feel so much better” exchange between rex and tech is in the original, but tech’s sarcasm isn’t from doubting echo’s allegiance, it’s because they’re planning to land on admiral trench’s ship and echo having a plan (that he himself doesn’t know) doesn’t exactly soothe his anxieties. rex acts like tech’s being a big joker and playfully shoves him, telling him to get on board. which is an interesting interaction because these characters are kind of starting to bond?? as for tech and echo, they kinda become nerdy friends really quick. like when tech warns echo not to send the signal right away because he first needs to make it look like it’s coming from skako minor, echo’s like “oh yeah good thinking tech.” and when echo figures out a way to shut down all the droids at once tech is impressed and lightly shoves his shoulder. again there is none of that “oooh maybe echo’s a traitor maybe he’s with the techno union” shit. like i understand that the writers wanted to up the stakes but it falls flat because the idea of echo being a traitor isn’t credible. it does not seem like an actual risk or possibility. so all it did was make the bad batch seem like assholes, cutting away at some very nice character moments.   

ok this is a long post and you might ask yourself “but tumblr user rishi-eel, why do you care so much about the story reels, this stuff isn’t canon now” and there are a couple reasons, first, i think it managed to tell a better story overall. so the question is: why is that? because you would expect that writers reworking the plot would add improvements and not downgrades. and to be fair, the s7 episodes had a bunch of upgrades, but not when it came to the characterization of the bad batch. another thing to consider is that changes were made in the context of setting the bad batch up as future protagonists of their own spinoff series (something the original arc was not intended to do because there were no plans for a bad batch series). were the characters made flatter and more archetypal to add to marketability? was the reg/defective clone rivalry (and dichotomy, even) amplified because this separateness serves a narrative in which the bad batch are heroes and the other clones villains?  

[detectivesvu]

Dark and Light

Sonny Carisi x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Language. Mentions of violence. Mentions of insanity. Mentions of rape. Mentions of murder.

A/N: This is based off of this week’s SVU episode. For future readers, it’s Season 22, Ep. 14.

Word Count: 1,037

“I have to say that it’s kind of growing on me...”

“Sonny,” You breathed out, horrified at the state of the side of his bloodied head, “Your head!”

Sonny only set his blazer over the back of the chair in your living room, a casual shrug emitting from his shoulders as he entered. He had expected this reaction after the initial shock of being attacked had worn off.

“It’s actually my ear,” He corrected, “And I’m perfectly fine, doll. He missed my eardrum.” 

You closed the newspaper in your hands with a light rustle, but your current demeanor was anything but light. 

“He missed your- wait, who missed your eardrum? And what was he trying to do?” You gawked, hesitating to touch the bandages around his ear.

Sonny grumbled. Not at you, of course, but at the entire situation. It had taken a massive toll on his day, and for now he just wanted to sit down in the comfort of his home at the very least.

“Can I at least get a kiss first? Since when did you stop greeting me with kisses, baby girl?” He questioned, a sly smirk popping up on his face.

“Since the day that my husband walked in with a hole in the side of his head.” You bantered back, but obliged to his request with a sweet kiss to his lips.

Sonny crashed onto the couch, slinking down and spreading his long legs out as far as they could go underneath the coffee table. Despite the fact that Sonny really wasn’t in the mood to talk about it, he knew that you’d worry yourself over it until he explained. He couldn’t say that he didn’t blame you.

“Does the name Henry Mesner mean anything to you?” Sonny queried, resting one of his hands on your legs once you got comfortable next to him.

“I can’t say that it does. It doesn’t ring a bell. Why?” You admitted, racking your brain of any reason that you should’ve known that name.

“Mesner was put into juvenile detention when he was 10. He turned 18 this year and the court released him,” Sonny explained, “He went on a killing spree and murdered his family, attacked the family that his sister was staying with.”

“Christ...” You cursed, “How did SVU get involved?”

“SVU picked up the case before I was a detective there. Mesner’s first attack after his release happened when he raped and tortured the daughter of one of his psychiatrists,” Sonny answered, “Mesner had been stalking the daughter and then approached Jesse in the park with Amanda...”

You could tell that Sonny was getting stressed out by just talking about it. The vein in his forehead was beginning to show and his cheeks were flushing red. You gently rubbed your hand up and down his arm to try to soothe him, not wanting him to get overly upset.

“How did he get put into detention in the first place?” You wondered.

“He abused his little sister, drowned his friend’s dog, and shot Amaro in a standoff,” Sonny rattled off, “Long story short, he never should’ve been released. He outsmarted all of the psychiatrists there. He’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen.” Sonny admitted, rubbing the bridge of his nose to try and prevent the incoming headache.

“And your ear...?” You pressed carefully, trying to see how Mesner came into the equation of your original concern.

“Oh, he stabbed me in court today. I guess he was trying to prove that he was unfit to stand trial...despite that he is fit to stand trial.” Sonny went on, loosening his tie around his neck.

“He stabbed you?” You asked, your jaw falling open.

“Well, yeah. How else did you think I got this?” Sonny prompted as if it had been the most obvious reasoning in the world.

“I don’t know, but my first thought certainly wasn’t that you were attacked by a teenage psychopath,” You remarked, eyeing over his injury once more, “I thought when you started working for the DA’s office, you’d be less likely to have stuff like this happen.”

“Life’s full of surprises. Isn’t it, lovebug?” Sonny grinned, lifting his arm to invite you to cuddle up next to him.

“I suppose it is,” You replied, “You’re okay though, right?”

He nodded, pressing a kiss to your temple.

“Yeah, baby. I’m okay,” He confessed, “But if I’m bein’ honest, a night in is really sounding good right about now.”

You giggled as you wrapped your arms around his slender torso, the sound of your laughter bringing some of the weight off of Sonny’s chest.

“Sounds like a plan to me. I was kind of hoping you’d say that.” You admitted.

“Yeah? Why’s that?” Sonny questioned, “Another Golden Girls marathon?”

“You know me so well,” You laughed again, not surprised that he was able to dish out your reasoning for wanting to stay home, “But I know it’s not your favorite so we can-”

“No, no, doll. I’m good with that. As long as you’re here then I’m good.” Sonny cut you off, pulling you even closer, “I have to say that it’s kind of growing on me...”

With that, you scrambled for your phone to order a pizza, followed by the remote, turning on the TV and flipping to the correct channel. You maintained conversation, but much happier topics. You caught him up with all the drama you were enduring at work (which amounted to just gossip between coworkers), told him about the new book you were reading, as well as any other menial things that he loved hearing about.

Sonny managed a chuckle to himself. Even after all these years, your innocence always made him smile. You didn’t always see the dark side of things like he did. Sonny had seen his fair share of horrific things during his time working as a detective...and even still as an ADA. He always considered himself to be the darkness and you to be the brightness in the relationship. Polar opposites that just fit so well. He found relief when he came home to you every day. You were his release, his comfort from everything he had seen.

And you’d be his relief from all the things that he had yet to see.