#i bet when this episode dropped people went crazy

[pcktknife]

yall...we are officially post-timeskip

[stevie-petey]

episode one: the hellfire club

Robin waves her hands in the air as if to get Steve’s voice away from her. “Ew! Gross, don’t say boobies–” “Boobies! It’s not a big deal–” You make a face. “It isn’t the most pleasant word.” “Oh, c’mon. You like boobies, Robin likes boobies, and we all know I love your boobies specifically–ow!”  You hit the back of Steve’s head with annoyance to get him to stop talking about your boobs. While he winces in pain and rubs his tender head, you turn towards Robin. “What my darling boyfriend is trying to say is that everyone likes boobs, and Vickie definitely likes them too.” 

Summary: el writes to you as if youre her husband away at war, you debate the intricate nature of liking boobies with robin and steve, lucas is your beloved while eddie munson is your sworn enemy, steve accidentally exposes your (horribly hidden) daddy issues, dustin is an angsty teen, and jonathan really loves to drop emotional bombshells on you. can you believe this all happens in one day ? lol cheers to senior year !

Rating: general, some swearing

Warnings: swearing, fem!reader, use of y/n, mentions of abuse, allusions to bullying, trauma lol

Words: 13.5k (wrote half of this in one day)

Before you swing in: SHES HERE !!!! SEASON 4 !!! this season terrifies me. i spent so much time outlining and making sure it was perfect. i have some changes i want to do, some ideas, and its scary because we dont have season 5 yet and i hate messing with canon ,,, alas: here she is. my baby. my beloved. quick fun fact: theres a scene in here ive had planned since season 1 so .... enjoy !

–

March 21st, 1986.

Dear Y/N,

Congratulations on New York University! Joyce tells me that it is a very good college, and everyone was extremely happy when Jonathan told us the news. He even had a smile on his face! It has been a very long time since I have seen him smile, especially without that weird smell on him (am I allowed to tell you about the strange plants that Jonathan seems to like now? He says that you cannot find out about it, but friends don’t lie and he is your bestest friend). 

I asked Will about it, and he says that Jonathan now smells because he misses you. If you ask me, I think that Jonathan smells because he is scared. We are still waiting for his college letter, afterall. I know you want to go to school with him, but so does Nancy. Is it possible to go to two colleges? Anyways, it must be a lot of pressure, even more with all the waiting we have to do, but Joyce told us that sometimes colleges take a long time to respond. 

While I am positive that Jonathan will figure it all out soon, he pretends he does not care. But he is a very bad liar. He was very upset that Nancy could no longer visit us in California. Will was bummed too, but he was more sad that it was not you who was visiting. Joyce says that the Byers boys were born to miss you, and I think she is right. 

I also miss you. I am still bummed I never went to school with you. I bet Mike is over the moon to have you with him for high school, Dustin and Lucas also. How is Max? Is she still sad? I know school has been hard for her. I will admit that it is hard for me, too. While I am good at maths, and my grammar is getting better, I am still unsure when to use conjunctions or why Angela does not like me. Will tells me to ignore her, but I want to be her friend. She is nice to everyone else. It confuses me that she is not nice to me.

A lot about California confuses me. The flowers here are different, and sometimes I forget that I cannot go and visit you. I miss the smell of Bookstrordinary (did I spell it right?) and your cookies. Please send more as soon as you can. Will and I are almost dying to taste them again! Mike says he will try to bring some on the plane, but I am scared he will be told no by those scary airplane people.

Speaking of Mike, he is coming to California this week! I am very excited to see him. It has felt like years, I think I am even going crazy. I have planned everything for his week here. Spring break will be extra special! It will be a fun distraction from Angela and school. This week I can pretend to be someone else, someone cool, and Mike will be very impressed. I know you tell me to always be myself, so I hope that I can make you happy by taking your advice on focusing only on the good. 

To prove I will focus on the good from here on out, here is a good things list: 

Mike is visiting!

Will has almost finished his painting. I am very curious to see what he has made. He is really talented, he shows me the drawings he sends you sometimes. 

You got into NYU! Is this the correct way to abbreviate? I am still working on conjunctions, but I think I am supposed to use the first letter of every word in the school’s name to shorten it. At least, that is what Joyce says. 

Jonathan’s new best friend, Argyle, will give us free pizza to celebrate Mike’s arrival. It is really good pizza. 

Tasting your cookies again. Fingers crossed Mike’s plan succeeds!

I am sure there is more, but I am too excited about this week and my mind is going very fast. I miss you tons, maybe even more than Will and Jonathan do. Please come visit us soon. Like Joyce says, the Byers boys were born to miss you. Although I am not a Byers boy, I am still a part of the Byers family, and I miss you. 

Love, El.

P.S., thank you for the grammar books. I will be sure to become the best writer ever in California. 

–

Sweet, gentle, El. You can almost hear her voice, reading aloud to you as you used to do when she lived in Hopper’s cabin. She would stumble over the letters, ask you how to sound out particularly difficult words in Spider-Man comics; they helped her learn how to read. Now, almost a year later, she’s writing you letters. 

El has grown up so much within such a short few months, although it doesn’t surprise you.

Laughing softly as you reread the final line she’s written, you wipe your eyes and place El’s letter onto your desk. The piece of paper joins the others, nestled gently with a pile of her other letters that are housed on your desk. El sends you a new letter every week, detailing silly stories about Jonathan and Will or concerned ramblings about Angela.

The letters make you miss El terribly. They make you miss everyone terribly. 

Next to the letters are drawings from Will. He’s become such an artist during his time in California. He sends you beautiful sketches of landscapes in their neighborhood, doodles from class, and incredibly detailed drawings of you and the party. The drawings are Will’s special way to keep in contact with you, and it’s something you cherish so deeply. However, you didn’t know that he was working on a painting, and you’re curious to see what El is talking about. Eventually he’ll reveal his art to you, he always does.  

Skimming a finger over one of the more recent drawings from Will, your hand catches on the walkman that lays next to it. Jonathan’s messy handwriting is scrawled on the mixtape that sits within it.

For bug.

The words, familiar and loved, stare back at you. The mixtape contains songs that Jonathan so carefully chose for you. He spent countless hours selecting songs that he knew you’d love, songs that reminded him of you. It had been his gift for you before he moved away. And now he’s gone, and you miss him so much more than you ever thought you would. More than you ever thought you could miss anyone.  

Jonathan never did end up coming to Hawkins for spring break. 

“Dusty, what’s going on in there?” The sound of your mother pounding on Dustin’s door breaks you from your thoughts. “You’re gonna be late.”

“Don’t come in, I’m naked!” You hear the boy screech back at her, which you roll your eyes at. Steve will be here to pick you guys up any minute. Dustin knows he should be ready by now, the schedule has never changed. 

Throwing on the cardigan Steve got you for Christmas last year, you grab your walkman and storm over to Dustin’s room. At the same time, your mother nearly crashes into you in the hall. Her face is pale, horrified of the idea that she almost saw her son naked, and you pity the woman. Dustin has become relentless lately, even more difficult to deal with. 

“Y/N, my dear,” your mother clutches at her chest and fans her face. “Can you please make sure your brother is ready? I think that boy is trying to give me a heart attack.”

You sigh, figuring you would have to do so anyways. “Yeah, sure. Go finish getting ready, I’ll handle him.”

“This is why you’re my favorite daughter!” Your mother kisses your cheek before running off towards the kitchen to make her morning coffee. 

Once she’s gone, you immediately start banging on Dustin’s door. He knows you hate being late. Plus, it’s the Friday before spring break. You’re getting antsy waiting for this week to end. “Dustin Henderson, you have three seconds before I kick this door down.”

“Not now, Y/N!” Dustin shouts back, frantic and desperate. 

You narrow your eyes. He’s using his suspicious voice, the one he only uses when he’s doing something he absolutely shouldn’t be doing. Glancing down at your watch and noting the early hour, you curse in disbelief. “It’s not even seven yet, what the hell are you up to so early in the morning?”

“Nothing! Just go away, I’ll be out soon–”

“I swear, if you’re trying to sell my limited edition comics again I will hurt you.” You throw your body against the door, causing it to fly open as you stumble inside. Dustin is at his computer and he nearly falls off his chair in his haste to cover the screen from you. He’s remarkably horrible at playing cool. You’re about to tell him this when Suzie’s voice crackles through his radio’s speakers. 

“Yikes, Dusty.”

“Suzie?” You walk over to your brother and shove his hands off the computer screen. He falls to the ground with a loud thud, which pleases you. He may be a teenager now, but you’re still stronger than him. At least for now. “Why are you calling her right now–” Your eyes land on the screen and you recognize Hawkins High’s familiar orange and green school colors. “Is this the student gradebook?”

“No!” Dustin exclaims, but Suzie’s small and soft voice responds, “Yes.”

“Oh my God,” you cannot believe he’s making his girlfriend hack into your school’s database. Sure, she’s a genius, but you also know she’s incredibly religious. “Dustin, this is so illegal and goes against, like, all of Suzie’s religious morals–”

“I will repent later.” Suzie interrupts you, and you raise your eyebrows at what she’s just said. Before you can question her, Dustin’s computer refreshes. 

He leans forward, eyes scanning to see if they’ve succeeded, and he seems to like what he sees. Suddenly Dustin lets out a sudden whoop and fist bumps the air. “God, I love you Suzie.”

Curious, you lean over and read the screen as well. There, where you know Dustin had a D- in Latin not even a day ago, is now an A. There’s no possible way he was able to raise his grade in under twenty-four hours. He sucks at Latin, he hates it, which means… She did it. Suzie changed his grade. All she had to do was press one single button to save Dustin’s GPA. 

You have to admit, it’s impressive. And shamefully genius. 

“Hey, Suzie.” You bring the radio to your lips, shoving Dustin away when he tries to take it from you. “Do you think you could change my grade in calculus? Jonathan was the only reason I passed any of my other math classes.”

“Oh, I don’t know…” Suzie’s voice raises a pitch, she doesn’t want to tell you no. She likes you, she really does, but her God figurine stares down at her with a disappointed look in his eyes. She’s sinned for love, but she doesn’t think she could ever do it again. 

You’re about to plead with Suzie, tell her NYU really prioritizes their student’s grades, but the sound of a car honking outside catches your attention; it’s Steve. Dustin yanks the radio from your hand and shoos you away. “Go, leave without me.”

“What, why? We always drive together.” You frown, feeling like a little kid when you cross your arms. Dustin smiles apologetically, a smile you’ve become familiar with. Your mood darkens, anger rises to your cheeks. You know exactly why Dustin is now skipping out on you. “Don’t tell me it’s that stupid Eddie Munson–”

“He wants me and Mike to work out some campaign details before lunch today!” Dustin scrambles to mediate. He hates that you don’t like Eddie, and you like everyone. It’s unnerving how much disdain you seem to carry for his friend. “Nance is driving us, but I swear I’ll ride with you and Steve after break!”

You scoff at Dustin, not at all believing his promise to you. Ever since September your brother has been at Eddie Muson’s beck-and-call, who dictates everything Dustin says or does. At first it was innocent enough, choosing to sit with the guy instead of you at lunch. Skipping out on a few weekend plans with you and Steve to campaign with Eddie. You’d been happy for Dustin. He was making new friends, no longer your little shadow; he was his own person with his own priorities and interests now.

But ever since getting into NYU last week, Dustin has been pulling away even more from you. You don’t know why, but he’s become even more obsessed with Eddie and his stupid Hellfire club. 

Eddie Munson is the air your brother now breathes, stifling the air Dustin once breathed for you.

And it seems to only be suffocating you, not him.

“Yeah, whatever.” Halfheartedly you ruffle Dustin’s hair, and he leans into the touch. You don’t want him to know his repeated absences are upsetting you. Deep down, you know you’re being irrational. You’re almost eighteen, soon you won’t even be living under the same roof as Dustin. He’s allowed to live his own life. “I guess I’ll see you at the pep rally. Tell Suzie I said bye, please?”

Dustin nods, though you don’t linger in the doorway like you desperately want to. Instead, you shut the door behind you and place a swift kiss to your mother’s cheek as you leave. 

Steve’s car is parked in its usual spot at the end of the driveway. The teen’s arm hangs out the window and his face breaks into a smile when he sees you approaching. Steve’s smile is infectious, it’s always charmed you, and it settles the ache in your chest from your brother’s earlier dismissal. Feeling a smile spread across your own face, you run towards Steve and poke your head through the open window.

“Hi,” you breathe out, nose almost bumping against his cheek.

“Hi, angel.” Steve kisses you, solidifying your morning tradition. Neither one of you really remembers who started it, but sometime during the school year you began to slip your head through Steve’s car window so that he could kiss you slow and sweet. 

And, as tradition follows, Robin starts boos. “Do you have to do that every morning?”

Steve makes a face at her and she punches his arm. He yelps in pain and you roll your eyes at the two of them before running over to the passenger’s side where Robin sits. Her window is rolled down as well and you duck your head inside. “Aw, Robin. If you wanted a kiss, you could’ve just said so!” 

“A kiss–?” Your lips press against Robin’s cheek, smushing against her face while making a dramatic sound. She squeals and pushes you away, wiping her now wet cheek in disgust. “That is not what I wanted.”

You giggle at her and finally get into the car. It’s getting late, you see the assortment of Robin’s limited makeup dumped into her lap haphazardly. She’s been stressing about this morning’s pep rally all week, and clearly she isn’t coping very well. Trying to cheer her up, you flick her shoulder. “I’ll have you know that my cheek kisses are cherished in Hawkins.”

“How many people’s cheeks are you kissing?” Steve turns in his seat to face you, slightly alarmed. Then, noticing that there’s only one Henderson in his car, he frowns. “And where’s little Henderson?”

“Eddie Munson.”

“Woah, wait, you mean Eddie as in where Dustin is, right? Not, like, you’ve been kissing his cheek? I’m right, right? Please tell me I’m right.”

You roll your eyes fondly at Steve while Robin rolls hers in displeasure. “Just drive, Steve.”

–

It becomes pretty apparent five minutes into the car ride that no one seems to be having a good morning. Robin has spent the majority of the drive applying and reapplying her mascara while messing with her hair. She groans every time she looks in the mirror and her eyes lack their usual brilliance. 

Meanwhile, Steve has been complaining about yet another fight with his dad. Apparently they argued during breakfast, something that has become a common occurrence in the Harrington household. 

“The asshole again reminded me that I’m turning twenty soon. As if I don’t already know that! I mean,” Steve laughs in exasperation. “For weeks now he’s been asking me what my plans are, as if working at Family Video just isn’t good enough for him. As if my dad isn’t the sole reason I had to get a lousy minimum wage job in the first place!” 

“Family Video isn’t a lousy job–”

“Yes it is.” Both Steve and Robin say at the same time, which you sigh at. Can’t really argue with that. 

“Okay, yeah. It’s pretty lousy.”

Steve rubs his eyes tiredly. “And that isn’t even the worst part. There I was, pouring syrup over my pancakes, trying to enjoy the fact that my parents are actually home for once, when my asshole of a father tells me that if I don’t have a respectable job by the time I’m twenty, he’ll kick me out. I mean, can you believe that?” 

You suck in a breath. “Steve…”

Richard Harrington is a cruel, awful man. 

While you understand his frustrations towards Steve, it’s completely unreasonable to expect him to get a reputable job in a few short months without any college education. Steve’s right, it had been Richard’s idea to make him work at Scoops Ahoy in the first place. When the mall burned down, he had no other option but to work at Family Video soon after. 

“I’m sorry, honey.” You intertwine your fingers through Steve’s hair and rub your thumb up and down the nape of his neck in a soothing manner. Steve allows the touch, but he’s still tense. Guessing that he’s uncomfortable feeling so pitied, you try to make light of the situation with humor. “But hey, who knows? Maybe you can come live with me in New York if he ends up kicking you out.”

Steve risks a look at you, taking his eyes off the road for a few moments, and his eyes shine. He’s ecstatic over what you’ve just said. He looks like a little kid on Christmas Eve. “You really mean that?”

“Well, I mean…” It had mostly been a joke, a throwaway comment to try and get him to smile. But Steve’s body finally relaxes under your touch and you can’t tell him no. “Yeah, I guess I did.”

“You hear that, Robin?” Steve preens, wanting to get her attention. However, when he realizes that she hasn’t been listening to the entire conversation, he makes an offended sound. “Robin, are you listening to me?”

“Uh, yes?” Her eyes meet yours in the mirror, startled that she’s been caught. “You were-uh. Talking to Y/N about your dad. We-we hate him! Yeah, we hate the guy. He really… grinds my gears?”

Steve groans. “We all hate my dad, but that wasn’t what I was talking to you about!”

“Cut me some slack, please. Your relationship with your father is one of labyrinthine complexity–”

You poke your head between the two teens. “Actually, it’s not that complicated.”

Robin covers your mouth with her hand and continues with her rant. “It’s seven in the morning, we have the stupid pep rally, and I woke up looking like a total corpse!” 

“I think you look lovely as always, Robin.” You mumble through the girl’s hand, barely coherent.

Steve, however, isn’t as supportive. “You’re worried about a pep rally? You really expect me to believe that?”

“Yeah, so?” Robin removes her hand from your mouth and goes back to doing her makeup. She’s avoiding the conversation now, which only means that Steve is onto something. Why has she been so obsessed about this week’s pep rally? Robin has been in band for years now, she’s done a million pep rallies during her high school career. It can’t be performing that makes her nervous. 

Which means it has to be about someone. 

Locking eyes with Steve, he seems to be thinking what you are. “I think we all know what this is about, okay? Y/N and I aren’t buying that bullshit.”

“This is about Vickie.” You finish for him, a smirk on your face. For weeks now Vickie has been all Robin has talked about. Her hair, how pretty her smile is, how cute her freckles are. Vickie also happens to be in band with Robin. “C’mon, you can’t tell us we’re wrong.”

“I absolutely can tell you you’re wrong.” Robin denies what you and Steve are implying.

Steve shakes his head. “You know we’re right! And you know what else we think?”

“I really don’t care–”

“Y/N and I think that you gotta stop pretending to be someone else when you’re around her, okay? You just gotta be yourself.”

Robin doesn’t want to hear any of this. At least not from you and Steve. “You guys are biased, you do realize that?”

“What do you mean?” You’re practically laying across Steve’s car console in order to be a part of the conversation. “I think we’re objective people.”

“You’re telling me that all I have to do is be myself and Vickie will want to date me?”

You frown. “Yeah? What’s wrong with that?”

Robin throws her head back. “Because it took Steve months to ask you out. Mind you, this was when you were already in love with the guy! And he knew you were in love with him!”

“Okay, hey–” Steve doesn’t at all like what she’s insinuating. He didn’t necessarily know you were already in love with him, he just… had a small hunch. 

“I’m not done,” Robin holds her hand up. “All Steve had to do was man up and admit his feelings for you. He didn’t have to agonize over whether or not it’d blow up in his face. There was no risk, no danger, no world ending consequences. I mean, if you had rejected him then maybe Steve’s ego would’ve been bruised. But if I ask out the wrong girl? Bam! I’m a town pariah.”

“This is true,” you reluctantly agree. While you could never envision a world where you’d ever say no to Steve, you also recognize that the world where you somehow do wouldn’t be the same world as Robin’s. Things are different for her, whether you like it or not. Robin has to live with this knowledge, and her conversation with you about luck and love from last summer echoes in your mind. 

Steve places a hand on his chest, betrayed. “Whose side are you on, Y/N?”

“True love’s side.”

Robin snorts and Steve doesn’t bother to hide his smile. He wants to tease you for being a hopeless romantic, but now isn’t the time. Instead, he continues the previous conversation. “True love aside, we can’t ignore that Vickie is definitely not the wrong girl.”

“Oh, she definitely isn’t straight.” You agree.

“We don’t know that!” Robin quickly sprays some breath freshener in her mouth and gags, which you cringe at. Vickie is one lucky girl if Robin ever manages to become her girlfriend. 

Steve doesn’t let up, he’s convinced he has it all figured out. “She returned Fast Times paused at fifty-three minutes, five seconds.”

“The bikini scene, mind you.” You butt in, and Steve nods eagerly.

“And you know who pauses Fast Times at fifty-three minutes, five seconds? People who like boobies, Robin!” 

Robin waves her hands in the air as if to get Steve’s voice away from her. “Ew! Gross, don’t say boobies–”

“Boobies! It’s not a big deal–”

You make a face. “It isn’t the most pleasant word.”

“Oh, c’mon. You like boobies, Robin likes boobies, and we all know I love your boobies specifically–ow!” 

You hit the back of Steve’s head with annoyance to get him to stop talking about your boobs. While he winces in pain and rubs his tender head, you turn towards Robin. “What my darling boyfriend is trying to say is that everyone likes boobs, and Vickie definitely likes them too.” 

Robin can’t even look at the two of you, appalled by how many times the word “boobies” has been uttered during the duration of the conversation. You can’t blame her, the word has practically lost all meaning for you as well.

Steve, however, can’t seem to get enough of it. “It’s boobies!” He exclaims again to no one in particular.

You and Robin lock eyes, and then, without saying anything, your hand covers Steve’s mouth while Robin flicks his forehead, effectively putting the boob conversation to an end. 

– 

The moment Steve’s BMW slows in front of the school, Robin throws the door open and rushes out with a quick “see you later!” to you as she runs to follow after her bandmates. Steve waves weakly as she goes and sighs in disappointment.

“She’s never talking to Vickie, is she?”

“Not a chance,” you sigh as well, watching as Robin’s figure disappears in the crowd of students. Spring break looms over the student body, everyone buzzes with excitement over their week of freedom and tonight’s basketball game. The pep rally in just a few short minutes only adds to the exhilaration. Leaning forward, your lips graze against Steve’s. “Anyways, see you tonight?”

He bridges the gap between your lips, skin meets skin and warmth floods your stomach. “Of course, angel. I love you.”

“I love you, too, honey.” And with one last kiss, you exit Steve’s car and make your way towards the school. As always, Steve waits until you’re safely on the sidewalk before he pulls away and heads towards Family Video. He’s started picking up morning shifts to fill the time he isn’t with you.

On your way inside, you see Ms. Kelly talking to Max near the buses. The conversation is short, doesn’t last much longer than a few seconds, and when Max turns away you notice Ms. Kelly’s patient smile drop. Clearly Max still isn’t being cooperative when it comes to their sessions. She promised you she would start trying, but Max Mayfield has always been stubborn and you’ve always been slightly overbearing.

Not the best combination, honestly.

With a sigh, you make a mental note to ask Max about what the counselor talked to her about later. There’s too much going on this morning to focus on it, and you’re already pushing Max by having her attend the pep rally anyways. Originally she had wanted to skip it and hide in the stairwell, but after begging her about it, Max finally agreed.

The conversation can wait. For now, at least she’ll be next to you in the bleachers alongside the boys to cheer on Lucas.

The thought was enough to brighten your mood a little, but it quickly became a pain in the ass to corral the party into sitting together. It took you almost fifteen minutes to find Mike and Dustin in the mass of students heading into the gym. You’re not necessarily sure how it took so goddamn long given the fact that Mike towers over half of the students anyways. He’s grown freakishly tall since starting freshman year. It unnerves you. 

While his towering height annoys you, Mike likes that he can finally, literally, look down on you. 

“There you guys are!” You grab the back of Mike’s shirt and he lets out a startled yelp. Dustin stumbles back as well, and an annoyed sophomore glares at the three of you. Ignoring her, you grab your brother’s shirt and start dragging the two boys towards the bleachers. “Thought we agreed on meeting at the water fountain that squirts water in your face?”

“I thought it was the library?” Dustin gives you an odd look. “Wait, is there even a water fountain in the library?”

“You amaze me.” You remark, not even bothering to answer his question. He listens like a bag of rocks. Mike just allows you to pull him, not at all contributing to the conversation.

Max waits for you in the bleachers. She’s saved you seats, something that you feel slight relief over. The simple gesture is small, but it sparks just enough hope within your chest to make you exhale softly. Hope that she’s getting better. Hope that she’s finally trying again.

Thanking Max, you and the others fill the seats as the gym quickly fills with more and more students until it threatens to overflow. The roar of the crowd is nearly deafening. Across from the bleachers resides the marching band. They’re playing the school’s anthem as the cheerleaders start their routine. Chrissy Cunningham leads them, her smile lovely and beautiful, she shines so brightly upon the crowd that you can’t help but fall in love with her.

In the midst of the cheerleaders’ twists and flips, Robin manages to catch your eye from across the room.

You eagerly wave at her and mime playing the trumpet, copying her movements as she actually plays one. Robin laughs, and next to her is a girl with fiery red hair who laughs as well. She’s pretty, you’ve heard countless sonnets about her red hair and dotted freckles. Knowing the girl is Vickie, you point at her as you wink at Robin, who scoffs and goes back to playing the trumpet. 

Next to you, you catch the tail end of some bizarre conversation between Mike and Dustin.

“Look, I’m not saying that my girlfriend is better than yours.” Dustin is clarifying, glaring at you when he hears your sarcastic snort. “It’s just that Suzie’s, like, a certified genius.”

Mike crosses his arms, looking towards you as if somehow this is all your fault. “Your brother realizes that El saved the world twice, right?”

“Admittedly that is hard to beat,” you shrug. “That, and she has cool powers.”

Dustin points a finger at the two of you. “And yet Mike still has a C in Spanish while you’re barely passing calculus.”

Mike rolls his eyes and you shrug again. Your brother isn’t necessarily wrong either. El’s saved the world, Suzie has saved his GPA. Both are nearly impossible feats. “Touchy subject, but touché.”

“And what can your boyfriend do, Y/N?” Mike asks, now bringing the attention to your love life.

“He’s good with a bat.”

Both Dustin and Mike groan, but you shush them when the school’s broadcaster announces the Tigers basketball team. Applause breaks out across the bleachers and you notice Max looking around for Lucas. Though she tries to hide it, you can see the interest and excitement in her eyes. She’s happy for him, but it breaks your heart that she feels that she can’t show it.

Jason Carver, captain of the basketball team and former Scoops Ahoy patron before Steve spilled ice cream all over his pants, runs out first. The crowd goes wild, but you don’t start cheering until you see Lucas. He’s smiling wide, proud to be a part of the team. You scream as loud as you can for him, he’s come so far since confessing to you about wanting to join the team earlier this year. As Jason starts his speech, dramatic as he always is, Lucas sees you in the bleachers and waves shyly, a blush creeping across his face. Then, seeing Max next to you, his confidence seems to grow as he waves more enthusiastically at her. 

The moment is sweet, it makes you smile. 

Except Max doesn’t wave back. She crosses her arms, pretends she hasn’t seen him, and your smile drops alongside Lucas’. 

You know they’ve been having some trouble recently. With Max pulling away more and more each day, Lucas struggled to hold onto the fading girl. Despite his pleas and reassurances, Max still seems to be icing him out. According to Dustin, they broke up almost a month ago now. 

But they’ve always had a tumultuous relationship, long before nightmares and monsters darkened everything. The news hadn’t worried you at first, you thought it was simply another one of their weekly breakups over something small, innocent. Afterall, they were just kids when they first started dating. Their breakups were always childish, though endearing, and always temporary. 

Now, you’re scared that this time it’s permanent. 

You’re not sure what that means for Max. She already has so few people left in her life to tether her. Billy died, her mother works two jobs and is never home anymore, El is in California, and you and Lucas are breaking skin trying to claw onto whatever small hold you have left of the girl.

Another loud cheer from the crowd breaks you from your thoughts. Jason must’ve just said something important, something worthy enough of a roaring reaction. He’s always been popular in Hawkins, Steve used to complain about him to you back when he was still on the team. But when Steve graduated and Billy died, Hawkins High had needed a new King to crown.

Jason Carver was more than happy to ascend the throne. 

“Chrissy, I love you, babe.” Everyone awes and you see Chrissy blow Jason a kiss. It’s sweet, you suppose. They fit together nicely, head cheerleader with the star of the basketball team, and they seem genuinely happy. Chrissy’s shy and kind demeanor balances Jason’s loud and charismatic boldness. They truly are a good match. 

“I think I can speak for all of us when I say it’s been a tough year for Hawkins.” Jason continues his speech, the room is eerily silent as everyone listens with baited breath. “So much loss…” The gym almost exhales simultaneously, remembering all the people who died last summer.

Your own breath exhales, and beside you Max tenses. Billy’s ghost floats through your minds, in through hers and out through yours. Hopper’s own ghost follows after him, only he doesn’t haunt Max the way he haunts you. He lingers over you, his final words to you engraved into your skin. 

You’re the best of them.

“And sometimes I wonder, how much loss can one community take?”

Enough to fill a mall of burning bodies, you think bitterly. 

Jason paces the gym’s floor now, he almost seems to glow before the crowd. He rambles on about needing something to believe in. That everyone should be doing something to honor all the lives lost in July, that playing basketball can absolve all the despair. As if it can bring them back.

Deep below your ribcage, nestled right underneath your scar and just in front of your stomach, rests a pit of anger that always simmers. You were born with it, it has always followed you. It has grown with you, the anger almost possessed your body when your dad left. Now, hearing Jason recite all the names of the ones who died that Fourth of July, the anger’s low simmer heats into a soft boil. 

You try to quell it. Jason means well, he’s only trying to uplift the community in a passionate, albeit uncomfortably pastor-y way. He’s only doing what he knows best; he’s being a leader. In another life, one where Demogorgons never harmed you, you think you would’ve really admired Jason and his resilience. 

“Think of Billy,” Your breath stills, yet your hand instinctively finds Max’s. She turns away from you, but the room is spinning and you can’t remember how to inhale. But Jason keeps going. “Think about our heroic police chief, Jim Hopper.”

Next to you, in your haze of grief and panic, you think you can feel Mike and Dustin shift uncomfortably. Grief sinks her claws into the kids, and you want nothing more than to puncture Jason’s lungs with them. 

This was supposed to be a pep rally for the Tigers, it was supposed to be joyous, an opportunity to bring Max out of her shell. To distract her from the hell that she calls her life. The entire school knows what happened to Billy, they know that he had a little sister named Max Mayfield.

You hate Jason Carver.

But you’re here for Lucas. Today is about him. He’s finally happy, he’s smiling again. The least you can do is swallow down the anger and grief and hope that you don’t end up choking on them later. That they don’t strangle you in your dreams.

“And now tonight, we’re gonna bring home the championship trophy!” Jason screams into the mic, erupting a volcanic roar from the stadium. People throw paper into the air, whistling and jumping up and down at the prospect of Hawkins High finally winning a championship.

“Tonight?” Dustin’s agonized exclamation causes you to jump. He looks at you, bewildered and panicked. “How is that possible?”

Your heart still hasn’t steadied from the surge of fury Jason evoked. Swallowing once again, you clear your throat and shake your head at your brother. “What, you guys didn’t know about the game tonight?”

“They call it a tournament,” Max explains for you, figuring you need some time to clear your head. You squeeze her hand appreciatively. “You win one game, you go on until there’s only one team left.”

Mike and Dustin exchange frightened looks, and you eye them suspiciously. “Did you guys really not know? I thought Steve explained all of this to you already. Why is it such a big deal, anyways? I mean–wait,” the boys won’t meet your gaze. They avoid facing you, Mike stuffs his hands into his pockets and Dustin pretends to read someone’s poster. 

You know the fearful look on their faces. It’s the same look Dustin gave you this morning when he ditched you to ride with Nancy and Mike. 

Goddamn Eddie Munson. 

“Oh, don’t you guys dare.” They wouldn’t. They wouldn’t fucking dream of missing one of Lucas’ games for a stupid club centered around some guy with enormous ego problems. “I swear to God, if you two skip the game tonight–”

“We won’t! I-I mean… Well. It’s, uh. It’s complicated” Dustin gulps, elbowing his way through the crowd of departing students as the pep rally ends. Mike follows, ready to step in at any moment, while Max slips away before you can stop her. Seeing how contorted your body is from anger, Dustin tries to appease you. “Look, I can’t promise anything, alright? Eddie is… Eddie.”

You’re about to scream some very choice words about that curly haired emo asshole, but Lucas intercepts the group and joins you guys. He looks between you, Mike, and Dustin, sensing some underlying tension. “What about Eddie?”

Mike quickly explains, and the more he talks, the more you want to shove your knives down Eddie’s throat. It’s one night, one goddamn night, and here Mike and Dustin are, almost shitting their pants at the idea of missing one Hellfire meeting to support their friend. While it’s unfortunate that all of this is happening on the same night, and though you recognize how long a campaign can take and how much the game means to the party, for once you can’t bring yourself to understand Dustin’s side. 

A championship game versus one single campaign meeting that can easily be done tomorrow instead.

Seems like a pretty easy decision to you. 

Lucas doesn’t understand why Mike and Dustin are so conflicted either. “I don’t get the big deal.” You’re all outside now, heading towards the main building for your classes. “Just talk to Eddie. Get him to move Hellfire to another night.”

You nod, agreeing with him, and Dustin rolls his eyes. “‘Just talk to Eddie.’”

“You can’t be serious right now,” your shoulder brushes harshly against the boy’s. You’re barely containing your anger right now. “Why does Eddie have such a strong hold over you guys? Hasn’t he repeated senior year twice now?”

“Why does that matter?” Mike looks at you as if you’re the scum of the earth that he just so happened to step on. “Why can’t Lucas just talk to his coach and get him to move the game?”

Dustin quips that he thinks Mike’s idea is a great one, but you shove between them and throw your hands in the air in annoyance. “You can’t possibly think that’s the same thing, right? A nationally organized game being postponed for a board game.”

Mike and Dustin both gasp at you, acting as if you’ve just threatened to kill a baby bunny in front of them, which only annoys you more. Sure, maybe you’re being a little mean right now, but you’re not appreciating how they’re treating Lucas. He’s never done anything to warrant this blatant disrespect from them. They’re refusing to see his side, too lost in their Eddie induced high. 

“DnD isn’t just a board game, Y/N! I’m honestly disappointed that you of all people would even say that. You’ve seen the intricacies of a campaign. You know I’ve spent all month now preparing for the end of Eddie’s campaign!” Dustin waves his hands in front of him, he’s in his own ecstasy of anger and annoyance, something innate in the Henderson bloodline. “A semester of adventuring has led to this moment, and we need Lucas.”

“Yeah, and the Tigers don’t.” Mike looks over at Lucas. “I mean, no offense, but you’ve been on the bench all year–shit!”

You swat the back of Mike’s head, the sound of his yelp satisfying and the sting of the hit soothes you. He looks at you, offended, and you just shake your head at him. “No, that was out of line and you know it.”

“One day I’m gonna be too tall for you to hit me, you know.” Mike scowls at you as he rubs his head. 

“And I’ll mourn the day when that happens,” you respond dryly before pointing at Lucas. “Now, apologize to him before I hit you again.”

Lucas lowers your finger and shakes his head. “It’s fine, Y/N. Me being on the bench isn’t the point, anyways.”

“Please, arrive at the point.” Your brother drops his head back and closes his eyes. He’s tired, he regrets even starting this conversation in the first place. The more the four of you talk, the angrier he can feel you become. Mike’s head may now be sore, but Dustin lives with you. If anyone here is in danger of your lecturing, it’s him.

“If I get in good with these guys, I’ll be in the popular crowd, and then you guys will be too.” Lucas explains, looking between Dustin and Mike as he urges them to understand, but they don’t. Mike claims that they don’t want to be popular, something that Lucas doesn’t believe. “What, you wanna be stuck with the nerds and freaks for three more years?”

“We are nerds and freaks!” Dustin exclaims, causing a few students in the hall to look at you guys. You wave at them awkwardly, you’re starting to regret following the boys. This conversation feels personal, like you shouldn’t be intruding. Though you think Lucas has every right to want a good high school experience, you also think Mike and Dustin deserve to have their own experiences as well. If they don’t want to be popular, then that’s their decision just as much as it’s Lucas’ to want to be. 

You step between the three boys, finally getting their attention. “Guys, no one here is necessarily right or wrong. Lucas has every right to want to be a part of the basketball crowd, and you two,” you raise your eyebrows at Mike and Dustin, “have every right to want to stick with Eddie’s crowd.”

Dustin sighs, “thanks, Y/N–”

“I’m not finished,” you hold a hand up and shush your brother. “What isn’t right, however, is abandoning one another. You guys are friends, and right now Lucas wants you at his game tonight to support him. Tonight is special, everyone will be there, and I want you guys there as well. I know high school is hard, but it’s even harder when you’re alone.”

“Says the girl who is adored by everyone in this shitty town.” Mike huffs, he can’t believe how hypocritical you’re being. “You’ve never had to deal with what we do. No one has ever laughed at you or tried to make you jump off a cliff just because you’re different.”

You clench your jaw. Dustin looks at you wearily, he doesn’t like what Mike is saying, but he also can’t help but agree with his friend. You haven’t ever been bullied. All your life you’ve blended in, stood out only when you were kind to others, admired for your selflessness, but never enough to be invited to parties or dumped behind a dumpster.

“Mike…” Your brother tries to pull him away from you, but you both stand your ground.

“You’re right, Wheeler. I don’t know what it’s like.” You stare up at the boy, and Mike’s expression softens only slightly. He’s just as stubborn as you are, it’s why the two of you admire the other so much. “But you forget that I’m Jonathan’s best friend. The creep, the loser, the psychopath. Kids may not have ever targeted me, but I’ve seen what they do to the people they hate.”

All the times you had to ice Jonathan’s bruised face. The nights you spent in his room holding him as he cried because Lonnie’s fists and Tommy’s cruel words were too much. The sneers, the stares Jonathan received because he was different. Quiet. Being your best friend hadn’t lessened the blows. 

For years you wish you could’ve done more for Jonathan. Now, presented with Lucas’ opportunity to befriend the crowd that once was so cruel to your friend, you refuse to lose it. “That’s why I don’t want Lucas skipping the game tonight.”

It’s silent for a few moments, all three boys don’t know what to say. Taking a deep breath, Lucas stands beside you and breaks the silence. “We came to high school wanting things to be different, right? Now we have that chance. Like Y/N said, if I skip tonight, that’s all out the window. So I’m asking you guys, as a friend, just talk to Eddie. Get him to move Hellfire.”

Lucas pauses, he wets his lips and looks between his friends again. He feels so small, pleading for their attention. “Come to my game. Please.”

The bell rings, ending the conversation, and Lucas spares one last look at Dustin and Mike before mumbling a soft goodbye to you. He leaves you alone with the boys, who in turn mirror conflicted expressions. 

“Shit!” Dustin kicks his foot out and looks at you. “This is all your fault, you know that?”

“What is?”

“Me having empathy. I hate this. Why couldn’t you have raised me to be an asshole?”

You snort at Dustin before pulling him into a weak hug. You only have a few more minutes before you need to get to class, you can’t stay very long, but you also don’t want to leave the boys without some semblance of comfort. “You’re too charming to be an asshole. Just… Come to the game, alright? Both of you. I’ll even make brownies if I have to. I just-I’ve missed you guys. This will be good for all of us.”

Mike ducks his head and Dustin sighs once more. Neither want to say anything else, so you reluctantly release your brother and leave them alone to wallow in their self-created misery. 

They’ll do the right thing. You’re sure of it.

– 

Lunch comes and Alex sits next to you. He started sitting with you at lunch just after winter break, and you’re endlessly grateful for him. You’re no longer alone, and he’s good company. A part of you regrets that it took the two of you three years to grow your friendship outside of Bookstrorindary. 

You’ll miss him when you graduate. 

Max is with Ms. Kelly today, a change in their usual meeting schedule of Tuesdays and Thursdays, meaning you had been right. She did skip their meeting yesterday and the counselor had to corner her this morning to schedule another one. 

“Be honest, how excited are you to move to New York this summer?” Alex asks you, taking a bite out of his carrot stick. You’ve come to learn that he has a weird obsession with the vegetable, always packing at least twelve of them every day. 

You pick at your own lunch, a wilted salad and sandwich your mom left for you this morning. “Honestly? It hasn’t really hit me yet. I mean, I only got in last week. I think my mind is still trying to catch up with reality.”

“Oh, c’mon. You can’t tell me you’re not at least a little excited.”

“Okay, okay,” you laugh and nudge the boy. “I’m a little excited. I just.. Haven’t really had time to think too much about it, you know? Between work, my brother, Steve, the kids, and…”

“Jonathan?” Alex finishes for you. He’s the only one who knows about how distant Jonathan has been. You’ve confided in him about how worried you are, about the phone calls while he’s high and the way Jonathan’s voice no longer sounds like his. 

You shove your lunch away, no longer hungry. “Yeah.”

“You guys call every Friday, right? Maybe tonight will be different!” Alex tries to cut through the tension that now corrodes your demeanor, which you smile at him gratefully for. 

“Yeah, who knows.” A piece of hair falls in your face and you push it behind your ear. Picking up your fork again, you attempt to finish your meal, but a sudden commotion interrupts the low buzz in the lunchroom. 

“As long as you’re into band, or science, or parties.” Eddie Munson sneers from the cafeteria table he’s standing on. He looks around the room as if everyone else is beneath him. Not worth his time just because they enjoy different things. Looking at Alex, you both sigh and prepare for whatever Eddie has to say today. His voice grows louder, shouting across the room towards the basketball team’s table. “Or a game where you toss balls into laundry baskets!”

Jason stands up and a few students whoop and cheer. “You want something, freak?”

Eddie sticks to fingers up behind his head as he creates little devil horns, snarling with his tongue out and hissing. Jason grimaces, you do too. 

“He’s a little much, isn’t he?” You say to Alex, relieved when Eddie starts to step down from the table. 

“He terrifies me.” Alex breathes out, not taking his eyes off Eddie in fear he’ll somehow cast a spell on him.

You laugh at your friend’s unnecessary fear. Eddie is harmless, Hellfire isn’t a demonic cult like some students at Hawkins seem to think. It really is just a club centered around a board game with impressive storytelling and detailed plotlines. From what Dustin has told you, Eddie truly is the best dungeon master in Indiana. 

And while you believe him, you can’t wrap your head around why your brother idolizes Eddie so much. The fascination runs deeper than just DnD. Dustin has spent almost every day of his freshman year wrapped around Eddie’s finger. He spends all his time with the teen now, rarely with you, but you’re not bitter. Of course you’re not. Dustin can have his own friends, you know this, but you also feel so… unneeded. 

Your little brother doesn’t need you anymore, and it’s a hard pill to swallow.

Truthfully, Alex’s question earlier about moving to New York in the summer sparked more than just your usual anxiety over Jonathan. It also reminded you that in only a few short months you’ll be in an entirely new state, a new city, far away from Dustin. 

“Y/N!” Dustin flies into the seat next to you, nearly upending the table itself with how violently he throws himself down.

Alex shrieks and you steady the table before anything can fall. Heart pounding, you clutch at your chest as your nerves settle. “Why must you always be so violent?”

“Because it’s fun,” Dustin responds, not even bothering to acknowledge Alex’s presence. Instead, his eyes are only on you, and there’s a crazed spark in them. He’s breathing heavily, frantic, and you dread where this is going. “Look, I need to ask you a huge favor.”

“Do you realize that this is the first time you’ve sat with me at lunch since the first day?”

He winces. “And I will repent every day for my horrendous sins. I promise, I just–Jesus you’re terrifying when you don’t blink.” Dustin removes his hat to fix his hair, a nervous tick of his. He’s stalling, he should’ve never come here. Gulping, he rips the band aid off. “I need you to sub for Lucas tonight.”

“I’m sorry?” You’re giving him an out, one chance to back down before you strangle him.

Only Dustin tightens the noose even more. “Please, Y/N! Eddie won’t move the campaign. He said something about sheep and-and finding subs because Mike and I are, uh. I guess the future of Hellfire and he needs us and did I mention how important this campaign is? It’s super cool, super gory and totally up your alley and–”

“No.”

“N-no?” Dustin practically deflates in front of you, the light in his eyes dies. 

You shove him away from you, you don’t want to look at his pathetic pouting. You’re so unbelievably hurt right now, so fucking infuriated. “You have spent every goddamn waking hour ass kissing Eddie. You haven’t so much as looked at me during lunch this entire year as if I’m a fucking plague. You’ve canceled plans, you’re hardly ever home, and now you expect me to abandon Lucas, someone who has spent time with me this year, someone who has made this entire year less lonely for me. Something, by the way, that you haven’t even noticed, all because you finally need me?”

Dustin’s mouth opens and closes, he doesn’t know what to say, but for once you don’t care. How could he possibly think you’d miss Lucas’ game tonight? You adore the boys, each and every one of them, and now Dustin expects you to just abandon one of them for the others? 

“You’re only here because it’s convenient for you.” You hiss, venom pouring from your voice. “For Eddie.” 

“Y/N…” Dustin’s voice breaks, he sounds like a little kid again, the baby brother you doted on your entire life. “Please.”

“No!” You scream at him. 

The word echoes throughout the cafeteria. A few students turn to you, some curious, some annoyed. Alex draws into himself, wishing he were anywhere but here right now. Dustin’s eyes widen, his skin pales, and you clamp your hand over your mouth, completely and utterly mortified. 

You’ve never, ever yelled at Dustin like this before. Not with so much malice, vitriol. 

You feel like you’re twelve again, your anger hurting your baby brother. 

Red hot with embarrassment and shame, you quickly get up from the table and flee the cafeteria. Dustin calls after you, but you stumble through the hallway towards the nearest bathroom. Tears burn your eyes, guilt wracks your body in painful thuds. 

By the time you lock yourself in the bathroom’s stall, your sobs have begun to claw their way out of your throat. Pressing your back against the wall, you sink to the ground and pull your knees into your chest as you finally allow yourself to cry.

Abandonment makes you cruel. Your father taught you that.

– 

You don’t see Dustin for the rest of the day. He’s missing Lucas’ game and you’re angry with him for that, but you also feel such an intense guilt over your outburst. You can’t stomach the thought of seeing him. 

School ends and Steve drives you to work. The shift will be a short one due to the championship game, and Steve is staying with you so that you can drive to the game together. However, the moment you get into his car, he notices the dried tears on your face and the redness in your eyes and immediately throws his arms around you. In between shaky breaths and cries, you explain what happened to Steve.

He soothes you, tells you that you can always talk to Dustin after tonight’s game. Right now you and your brother need space from one another, and you hate that Steve’s right. You’ll force Dustin into a code blue, you’re long overdue for one, anyways. He’s been acting weird for weeks now. Someone has to give in, you know this, and if it has to be you then you’ll do anything to get your brother back. 

For now, Steve holds your hand as he guides you through the crowd of people in the bleachers. They all cheer for Hawkins High, the energy in the gym is electric. Faces are painted, cheerleaders wave their pom-poms, and you’re wearing Steve’s old Tigers jersey. You’re not much for school spirit, but Steve almost crashed the car when he realized you were wearing the jersey, and you know Lucas will appreciate it too.

“Y/N, over here.” Steve’s hand falls onto the small of your back as he gently pushes you towards some open seats he’s found. You lean into his touch and sit beside him. With his body against yours, you try to immerse yourself in the joy from the crowd. 

The entire town is here tonight. Everyone is smiling, kids laugh and parents wave posters for their sons. Tonight will be a good night, you’ve decided this to be true. 

The national anthem is announced and everyone rises in their seats. When the broadcaster announces that Tammy Thompson will be singing, you and Steve look at each other incredulously. Laughter rises within you and you cackle when Robin finds the two of you in the crowd. There’s no way this won’t end in disaster. 

Tammy walks out, wearing a horrendous faux cowboy outfit, and almost immediately sings off-key. You cringe, ears stinging from the attack, and try desperately not to let out any laughter as she continues to butcher the song. 

Steve whispers over to Robin, “told you. Muppet.”

“Okay, she does sound like a muppet.” Robin agrees, which only makes it harder to contain your giggles. Tammy is worse than a muppet, she sounds like a goddamn muppet that broke into her dad’s alcohol stash. 

“You sound better, angel.” Steve whispers into your ear, breath warm against your skin. 

You lean back against him and smile sarcastically. “Anyone can sound better than her.”

Steve chuckles and you can’t help but join him. You know it’s rude, that Tammy is honestly not that bad, though definitely not good enough for Nashville, but you can’t help it. You can’t believe Robin ever had such a huge crush on the girl who now drones the national anthem like a dying parrot. 

In between breaths of laughter, you see Lucas looking up at the bleachers. His face is grim, he doesn’t see Mike or Dustin or Max. None of his friends showed up, and you watch him with sympathy. You can’t believe them. 

But then Lucas sees you, and he gives you a weak smile. Your attendance isn’t enough, you know it isn’t, but you hold up the poster you made for him and he laughs despite himself. 

The game starts, and from the moment the whistle is blown, it’s intense. The Tigers are neck and neck with the Falcons. Steve tries to explain what’s happening throughout the game, but it all goes over your head. The energy in the room is intoxicating, though. You lean forward in your seat, you cheer when everyone else does, boo when you think you should.

“Carver just loves hogging the spotlight, doesn’t he?” Steve says with disdain as he watches Jason side sweep his teammates to score. 

You poke his side, you know he’s only saying this because he’s still bitter that Jaosn tried asking you out last summer. “Honey, your jealousy is showing.” 

Steve tries to deny this, but then a player gets injured during a foul from Falcon, causing you and Steve to both spew insults at the player. You have no idea what the foul even is, but you’re enjoying the chaos of the game.

In the midst of your uproar, you almost miss Lucas being sent into the game. You slap Steve’s chest repeatedly to get his attention, you almost don’t believe what you’re seeing. “Steve! Is that–”

“Sinclair!” He whoops, but he quickly scrambles to catch you as you nearly throw yourself off the bleachers in your blind excitement cheering. You’re screaming your head off, hardly even registering Steve’s hands on your waist. You’re incoherent and ecstatic, drunk on adrenaline. 

Lucas is playing.

The game only gets more brutal from there. The points even out, both teams neck and neck. Anxious, you squeeze Steve’s hand with anticipation. Everything happens so fast, Lucas plays so naturally with the others, as if he was born to be there. 

“Go, Tigers!” You jump up and down as Lucas runs after Jason. They’re doing a new play, attempting to score the tie breaker. Jason shoots, the ball hits off the backboard and onto the rim. Your breath catches, there’s only three seconds left on the clock. The ball falls, and there isn’t any time left.

Until Lucas catches the missed shot. He dribbles the ball, you clutch Steve’s hand, neither one of you utters a single word as Lucas makes the final shot. It’s an all or nothing throw, a risk, but he takes it anyways. The ball soars through the air, hits the rim. The buzzer sounds, the game is over, and the ball spins around the rim before finally sinking through the net.

Your chest burns as you violently cheer, Steve flings himself into your arms. You’re both jumping around, screaming together like little kids. “Hey did it!” You scream, and Steve shakes you in his arms with the biggest smile on his face.

“Sinclair did it!”

Down below, Lucas’ face lights up as the crowd goes wild for him. This is the happiest you’ve seen the kid in so long. The entire basketball team swarms Lucas, they lift him into the air and you cheer alongside them.

Steve tells you he’ll go warm the car up and you practically run outside to find Lucas as soon as the game is done. Your body buzzes, you’re still breathless with exhilaration. When you find Lucas, he’s just left the crowd of teenage boys. Wanting to surprise him, you creep up slowly before throwing your arms from behind him. “There’s the star!”

He stumbles from your weight, but he knows it’s you. Laughing, he turns around and you pull him into a bone crushing hug. “You came!”

“Of course I did, you moron!” You giggle, pulling away to straighten his jacket. “I made you a poster and everything.”

Lucas looks down at the poster that hangs by your side. His eyes light up, he remembers seeing it in the stands at the beginning of the game, but he hadn’t been able to read it from so far away. “Can I see it?”

“I’d be offended if you didn’t want to see it.” You unroll the poster and present it with a grand flourish. “Tada!” 

Sin to win, Sinclair!

You’re incredibly proud of the wordplay, and Lucas chuckles. It’s good, he has to admit. You’ve left no white space on the poster, littering with small 8’s for his jersey and millions of small stickers and decorations. The poster was made with love, and Lucas knows you spent hours making it.

“I love it, Y/N.” He does. It will hang on his wall as soon as he gets home.

You beam at him. Then, from behind you, you hear your brother’s own cheers as a door opens. Lucas’ smile fades, hurt creeps upon his face. Frowning, you turn and find Dustin and Mike high fiving their Hellfire friends as they all celebrate the end of their campaign. Erica is with them, cheering with everyone else. 

“Lucas…” Your breath gives out. He doesn’t deserve this. Tonight was supposed to be his night. You turn to him, wracking your brain to try and figure out what you’re even supposed to say at this moment. Fifty feet away Lucas’ close friends are celebrating a night without him, his sister overjoyed as well. They’ve forgotten about him.

For once, you can’t find the right words to say.

“Thanks for the poster, Y/N.” Lucas doesn’t want your sympathy. He leaves, crestfallen, and you’re left standing alone holding the poster he had been praising seconds ago. The late March air chills your bones. 

You’ve never been so disappointed in your brother before.

– 

Steve drives you home and you’re silent the entire time. 

“Dustin isn’t a bad kid, Y/N. You know that.” Steve tries to reason with you, but what your brother has done tonight leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. “I’m sure by tomorrow he’ll realize he was a jerk and apologize. He always does, he’s just being a stupid teen boy right now.”

You face the window, watching the trees fading into the distance. You know Steve is right, you know that Dustin is still growing up, making mistakes. Hell, no one is perfect at fifteen. When you were his age you were falling in love with your best friend as you hunted monsters together. Neither you or Jonathan or Nancy knew what the hell you guys were doing back then.

But this is different. Dustin has never betrayed his friends like this before. He, out of all of them, should understand the pain of being left behind. He spent half the summer upset that the party ditched him, and now he’s ditching Lucas?

“You know, I used to be a stupid teen boy.” Steve says, trying again to get you to say something. To look at him, at least.

It works, a small smile turns your lips. “I never knew.”

He laughs at the sarcasm in your voice, but he plays along anyways. “Oh, I totally was. I just hid it really well by, you know, making you hate me for a while by being annoying. But hey, look at me now! I’m still annoying, but at least I have it all figured out with you.”

“And what do you have figured out, honey?” You turn your head towards him, watch the street lamps illuminate his face.

Steve smiles. “Us. Our future. Sure, I may not know if I’ll ever get a better job, but I’m sure as shit staying with you, starting a life together so that I can annoy you for all eternity.”

“How romantic,” a giggle falls from your lips. You’ve been with Steve for nearly a year now, but you haven’t really talked about the future yet. At least not so intimately, with so much assurance that in the end it’ll be the two of you. “And where will we live, Romeo?”

“New York, obviously. As soon as you graduate, we’ll find some horrible, run down apartment that’s barely big enough for two people. We’ll move in, but there won’t be any air conditioning so we’ll almost murder each other in the heat. Everyone will hate the place, but we’ll love it.”

As Steve talks, the smile that had once been on your face begins to fade. He rambles on, not noticing the shift. He dreams up the plans, how he’ll stay home while you go to class. How he’ll fix the leaky faucet that will inevitably annoy everyone. Steve envisions himself waiting for you to come home after a long day of classes and falling into his arms. 

“Steve–” But he doesn’t hear you. He’s busy explaining how he’ll probably have to sell his car to afford the apartment, but that he doesn’t care, and you feel sick. It’s too much, he’s giving up too much. He’s willing to give up his entire life for you, drop everything and follow you without any questions asked. 

It’s what your mother did for your father. They met in college, both attending Purdue. Their relationship had been a whirlwind. Love at first sight, married as soon as they graduated, your father convinced your mom to follow him back to Virginia. To abandon her family and move two states over while pregnant with you. She didn’t know anyone in Virginia, her father moved them to a small town where only his name was known. 

The divorce that followed twelve years later ruined your mother’s life. She had been left all alone, no family to support her, no friends, in a state she never grew up in.

And now Steve wants to do the same for you.

Raising your voice slightly, you try to interrupt him again. “Steve!”

“What?” He looks over at you, words finally dying. “Do you want to keep the car?”

“You… you can’t.” 

Steve frowns. “I can’t what?”

Your hands shake. Your heart trembles. Your words die in your throat. There’s so much you want to say, you can feel the pit in your stomach build into a fist. You can’t let Steve do this. He doesn’t understand that he deserves more than this. “You-you can’t come to New York.”

Everything stills. You don’t dare to breathe, to disrupt the silence. Your words come out all wrong, you know they do, but they’re out in the open and Steve doesn’t look at you as he pulls into your driveway. Silent, he turns the car’s engine off.

“Y/N…” Steve still can’t look at you. He places his hands on the steering wheel, as if bracing himself for whatever will unfold tonight. He’s scared, he doesn’t understand what he’s done wrong. His mind flashes, and for a brief second he’s back at the Halloween party and you’re Nancy in his passenger seat. “Do you not see a future with me?”

“I do!” You sit up in your seat, reach over to touch Steve’s thigh. You need to feel him, to ground yourself to him. Everything about this feels wrong. As if you’re hanging over the edge of a chasm with a long, long fall. “God, of course I see a future with you, I just-this isn’t what you really want.”

Steve doesn’t want to move to New York, even if he doesn’t realize it now. What he’s really doing is chasing after a dream that isn’t his. The timing of this is off, he fought with his dad this morning about a future he was unsure of. You know Steve, maybe even better than he knows himself; he’s not doing it for your relationship or out of love. Steve only wants to appease his father, fulfill whatever desire he thinks you have. This isn’t what he wants, and he’s worked too hard to build the life he has now, without you, to simply throw it all away.

But he can’t see that right now.

“Of course this is what I want, Y/N! All I want is you.” Steve finally looks at you, but there’s a hardness in his eyes. He’s detaching himself from you, putting his walls up. “You and me, that’s what I want.”

You grab his hand, you try to keep your voice calm. “Steve, I love you so, so much, but I can’t-I can’t let you give everything up for me. Your life is here, in Hawkins. You have a job, you have your friends and-and your family, and it wouldn’t be fair to either one of us if you abandon it for me. You could-you could resent me for it later, you could realize you hate our life and wish you never followed me and–”

“Y/N, what did you think was going to happen when you were applying to all those colleges?” Steve runs a hand through his hair, he thought you were beside him this whole time. He assumed you’d been carving out the same future he had been. But he was wrong. “Did you really think I’d just stay behind and wait for you to come home every break?”

“I…” Shamefully, you hadn't been considering what would happen between you and Steve. In your mind, he was your future, he was in it, but the details were hazy. You weren’t sure how, or why, or when, but you knew that in the end, Steve was the person you’d spend forever with. 

Steve takes your hesitancy as his answer. “God, I’m such a fucking idiot.”

“Steve–”

“You were just going to leave me.”

He tears his hand from yours and you blink back tears. You’ve never fought with him before, not like this. “I wasn’t just going to leave you! I just-Steve, please just listen!”

“I am, Y/N!” Steve exclaims, voice reverberating the car. You flinch away, and he immediately lowers his voice, apologetic. He hadn’t meant to scare you, he hadn’t meant to make you cry. Ashamed, Steve turns away from you. “I-I’m sorry.” 

He wants to wipe the tears he’s caused, but selfishly he also wants you to hurt like he’s hurting. You don’t see a future with Steve. You were going to leave him just like everyone else does. 

Steve should’ve known all of this was too good to be true. 

“I love you,” your voice is almost inaudible, the three words barely reach the light before they disappear into the dark night. You’re not sure why you say them, the words had built in your chest, the pressure heavy, and you needed to release them. To remind Steve of your oath to him. 

Silence fills the car. Steve doesn’t look at you, his shoulders are drawn together. His jaw clenches and you know he’s trying desperately to bite his tongue, withholding the cruel words that only heartbreak can provoke. 

“Honey,” you beg him to say something, anything. “Steve.”

“I think you should go.”

The dismissal punches your throat, knocks the wind out of you. He’s shutting you out, closing himself off from you, and you don’t understand how the two of you got here. “I… Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Steve’s words are cool, composed. Indifferent, almost. He still doesn’t look at you, his eyes remain focused on something in your driveway. “It’s late, you should get some sleep.”

“Okay,” you don’t want to leave, you know it isn’t good to go to bed angry with the one you love. Anger should never simmer, it should never be left unwatched. But Steve is silently asking you to give him space so that he can hurt, and you aren’t selfish enough to deny his request. And yet you’re selfish enough to press your lips to Steve’s cheek, but he doesn’t lean in like how normally does. Instead, he remains stoic, and you swallow down your tears and open the door to leave. “Drive home safe, honey.”

Steve doesn’t say anything else. Instead, he starts the car as soon as the door is closed and drives away. He doesn't look back, he doesn’t wait to see if you’ve made it inside your house safely. 

Tears spill down your face as you blindly walk towards your front door. Your argument with Steve replays over and over again in your head. You analyze every second, every word, you try to understand when everything fell apart. 

It’s dark in your home, your mother is asleep and Dustin’s door is closed, but right now all you want is your brother. You need to talk to him, cry into his shoulder and smell the shampoo he’s used ever since he was a baby. Your feet carry you to Dustin’s room and you pound on his door, begging him to let you in. You don’t bother masking the tears in your voice, you’re too exhausted to hide them from him. “Dustin, please let me in.”

“Go away!” There’s a thud on the door, he’s thrown something at it to shut you up. He doesn’t want to hear some stupid lecture right now. He knows he was an asshole tonight, he regrets it, but right now all Dustin wants to do is sleep. He’ll deal with you tomorrow. 

“Code blue,” you press your forehead against the door, your tears fall to the ground. “C-code blue.” Your voice hiccups, more tears come, minutes pass, and your brother never answers.

For the first time since you were kids, Dustin rejects your request for a code blue. 

The phone rings. The sound pierces through your ears, cuts through the headache that is starting to form. It’s Friday night. Jonathan is calling. 

Squeezing your eyes shut as you head pounds, you inhale shakily. You have to answer him, otherwise he’ll only call over and over again with concern. You’ve never missed a phone call, not once in the months since Jonathan has moved, but tonight you’re exhausted. 

“Can we call tomorrow?” You’re too tired to greet him and voice cracks, revealing far too much already.

“Bug?” Jonathan’s high, he’s always high. And yet even in his cloudy haze of smoke he can hear the anguish in your voice. “Is everythin’ okay?”

His question only makes you cry more. You’ve always tried your best to put up a front for others, to pretend that everything is okay. You’ve never wanted to worry people, you’ve always pushed aside your own hurt for the sake of others. Now, as anger and grief and despair clasp their hands around your throat, you’re terrified you’ll suffocate. 

You’ve never been able to lie to Jonathan, and tonight you don’t think you can. “I’ve had… the worst night.” You confess to him, wiping away tears.

You tell him everything, your fight with Dustin, how you think he may resent you leaving for college. You tell Jonathan about Lucas, how you were so disappointed in Dustin and Mike. Choking through tears, you explain to Jonathan your fight with Steve. How your words failed you, how hurt he looked, that you can’t explain to him how he only wants his future to align with yours, but not with your relationship. 

Even though you know that Jonathan won’t remember any of this tomorrow, for once you’re grateful that he’s too high to remember anything. It feels good just being able to say it all out loud. 

“‘M sorry, bug.” Jonathan mumbles over the phone once you’ve finished explaining everything. He sounds far away, figuratively and literally. You can’t imagine how much his drugged mind retained, but you’re thankful to have gotten it all off your chest anyways. 

“It’s fine,” you inhale again, you’ve finally stopped crying, though your chest still hurts and your head still pounds. “Steve and I… We’ll figure it out.”

Jonathan pauses, and for a moment you think he’s fallen asleep, but then his voice floats through the telephone line. “Do you.. Do you ever wonder if we’ve made a mistake?”

He strings his words slowly together, says them one by one with a hesitancy, and you frown. You don’t understand what he’s trying to say. What mistakes could you have made together? “What do you mean, bee?”

“I just… everythin’ is so hard. With Nance. Feel like… like ‘m never enough for her. And you, Steve. ‘S hard between you guys.” Jonathan’s words slur, he’s almost too incoherent to understand, and later you will wish that you hadn’t been able to understand him at all. “But you ‘n me? ‘S easy. Always so easy.”

His words toe the line between you, he can’t mean any of it. You don’t want him to mean any of it, because then the fallout would be too catastrophic to contain.

He’s Jonathan. Your oldest, dearest friend. Your best friend. Years ago, you could’ve been something more, you almost were something more, but the time has passed. 

You’re with Steve now, you’re happy and so, so in love with him. Even though everything is tangled between you right now, even though you’re fighting, you know that you and Steve will figure it out. He’s the one. He’s the man you want to marry one day, if he’ll allow you to. 

Jonathan is your past, Steve is your future, and right now you’re terrified that soon you’ll lose them both.

“Jonathan,” you finally say, his name now heavy on your tongue. It feels like you’re betraying someone while saying his name, but you need to end this conversation. Before Jonathan says something he’ll regret in the morning. “You love Nancy, I love Steve, and you need to go to sleep.”

“Love you,” Jonathan’s words slur even more, his voice drifting off. “You, always you…”

You slam the phone done, ending the call, as a chill runs down your spine. Silence encases you, the house is still. The strings and threads from years ago constrict around your throat. You choke on the lines Jonathan has crossed tonight, the tightness in your head stabs against your skull. 

There is no one to hear you, no one there to hear your final words to your best friend. “Goodbye, Jonathan.”

-

⌑ series masterlist

⌑ i am no longer doing a taglist, my apologies ! however, please feel free to like, reblog, and comment instead :)

[lampmanliveblogs]

Alright, alright, I was being a bit facetious in my previous post. I don’t think Boscha and Amity were ever an item, at least not until stated so. Then again, things like ”canon” has never stopped shippers before. have it? And I can imagine that there emerged quite a few fanfics based solely on this scene. The language used is very reminiscent of your ex showing up, drunk on appleblood, asking you to please take them back, they’ll be better this time.

All these words I say Don't mean anything I realize Can I make you stay? I'll be better this time I'll be better this time To you

But yeah, like I talked about before, Boscha went from being just a high school bully, to being a high school bully with trauma and a seriously shoddy support network in the form of Kikimora. With her friends and family gone, Boscha sees reuniting with Amity as a way to regain some semblance of normality in the crazy world she finds herself in. The world may have gone insane, but at least there is something for her to hold on to, quite literally by the way she tackles Amity in the next shot. 

I believe that Boscha feels hopeless; after facing down The Collector’s spies and watching her teammates and friends, as well as all the adults get taken, she believes there is nothing they can do but to hide away in Hexside and continue to live there. And together they can rule Hexisde, just like before. No, even better!

I gotta say, for a character that’s been pretty one-note, they’ve done a great job of giving her some depth while still feeling natural.

(unrelated, but I kinda dig Boscha’s new look. the sportswear as armor works. plus, her grudgby make-up kinda resembles tears, or running mascara from crying. symbolism!)

((not 100% sure, but I think that was the right use of the word facetious?))

Boscha: ”I won’t let you leave again!” Amity: ”Boscha, you’re hurting me!”

Jeez Luise, all the, erm… Boschity? Amischa? What would you even call that ship… um, I’ll bet all the Amity/Boscha shippers (all three of you) still around in the post Lumity era went absolutely feral when this episode aired. The potential for angst just skyrocketed.

Now, that is the crux, isn’t it? Boscha desperately needs Amity, but Amity doesn’t need, not particularly want Boscha around in her life anymore. And in her attempts to hold on, Boscha inevitably only ends up hurting Amity.

Okay, I had to rewind the scene a few times, but I did catch it on the third time (and then I had to do it two three four more times to get the screenshot). Right after Mattholomule summons this smokescreen, he and Amity run away… except they appear to have switched places.

Then, while they’re running away, Boscha kicks the head of the statue Mattholomule made towards him, only for him to catch it… with a pair of gauntlets, similar to what Amity uses, even summoning a purple spell circle to summon them. When Boscha shoves Mattholomule aside to get to Amity, Mattholomule drops the illusion, revealing it was actually him playing the role of the Blight.

Gus and Luz pulled a similar trick in Clouds on the Horizon. And just like in that episode, the trick was really obvious in hindsight, yet I still didn’t call it. Though this one at least went by a bit faster.

Also, Matty calls Gus Augustus; returning the favor for Gus calling him Mattholomule this whole time.

"We can still save your teammates. Will you let us try?”

Like I said before, after witnessing her teammates and the adults be defeated so easily and taken away to who knows where, Boscha lost hope. Right now, she’s not fighting to save the world, or even to save one or a few people. She’s fighting to keep some small sliver of her old life.

Amity is the last of Boscha’s friends who haven’t been taken, so Boscha is going to fight to keep her from disappearing again. But… I think she might be starting to realize that it’s a losing battle too. Thus she finds herself stuck between a rock and a hard place (i love that expression). She either risks it all trying to get her teammates back, which will probably end up with her and the few people still left being turned into puppets. Or she tries to keep the few people left contained and somewhat safe within the school, regardless of their wishes.

And I'm just saying Boscha, a fellow triclops, Tien Shinhan was hopelessly outclassed by Cell, yet his defiant stand against the Semi-Perfect lifeform remains one of the most badass displays in all of Dragonball.

Well, I can’t say I ever expected them to kill Gus off screen, but oh well. This is what happens when you cut an entire season down to three specials the length of six full episodes. Rest in peace, Augustus. You will be missed.

Nah, it looks like they’re down in the detention pits as well, Kiki and Boscha must’ve gotten to them as well after they ambushed Willow.

[thedragonchilde]

G Gundam meta notes part seven, eps 39-44:

"The Ruthless Fight! Schwarz's Last Match"

-Schwarz is Domon's "surrogate master", huh

-NO KILL LIKE OVERKILL, DAMN, WONG

-drop that bombshell, Dr Mikamura!

-yeah Dr M seems very proud of Rain's “strong sense of responsibility”, I bet he encouraged that when she was growing up

-Akino can GET IT

-you know, they frame this Schwarz/Rain scene quite romantically, probably on accident

-the gang’s all here! And hm, Schwarz faced and beat the other Shuffles offscreen

-Sai agrees with me that Akino is hot

-interesting that Rain is still recognizable with the full mask and uniform, but Schwarz isn't

-the announcer is so chipper about such shitty circumstances, I love her

-it's okay, Rain, it makes sense that you wanna help even though you're mad at Domon - that Gundam is your baby

-Kyoji hasn't aged in twelve years, what the fuck

-”I finally realize I've been watching only you” really? You only just noticed, Rain?

-”and the strength of your love” that feels premature

-once again, “stronger together” is a lesson you keep learning and forgetting over and over, ugh

-there's a lot to dissect with this relationship in this episode specifically and I'm struggling with the words, but let's try

-from Domon's side, I can't help but notice his double-down eschewing of any support comes hot on the heels of his encounter with Master and being told that he should rely on his fists and not his emotions, so maybe he went too far the other way and took it as "right, emotional ties are stupid and get in the way"? Or tried to, anyway, because he's obviously very bad at this

"Battle Royal Begins! Devil Gundam Revived"

-from Rain's end, although we want to shout at her for thinking she needs to apologize when Domon was the one being a jerk, her explanation tells us that this is the culmination of an issue she's been dealing with at least since Allenby's been on the scene

-oh fuck me, Domon has such pretty brown eyes

-huh. It makes a certain kind of sense for someone going into a life-threatening situation to put off a love confession. Don't wanna admit to something you may not be around to act on. It's interesting that he's planning it though! I wonder how he would've said it the way he planned

-that was poetic, Sai

-”a fighter we all know” I guess Chibodee's famous even in comparison to the others?

-George pulling a Tuxedo Mask

-"AND NASTASHA"

-shame we never got a name for the announcer

-I was going to say who got to the battle royale shows who the rich countries are, but on second thought it's mostly down to who Wong enabled

-where did Rain get that uniform? 

-she's pretty cute with her hair up

-okay that is some unsettling animation for the DG reemergence

"Assault of the Four Evil Kings! Gundam Heaven's Sword"

-I love the dub’s confusion on what Michelo’s bird is called

-Mikamura was about to kill him!!

-”my hatred exploded!”

-okay, THIS is the juicy shit I'm here for! What starcrossed-families drama! What a petty reason to cause so much suffering for so many people!

-Schwarz would've been toast if Rain hadn't snuck in

-okay, the electrification scene is pretty brutal

-why would she thank you for calling her names? That's not “manners”, kids

-”the bonds we have as the Shuffle Alliance bring us together” they sure do! :)

-Rain cradling Schwarz’s jacket is quite the visual

-did she hurry up and program her MTS stats into Rising? 

-I love that they just know when they're gonna do a combination attack without actually talking about it

-I always giggle at sparkly Argo

-"C'mere, crazy bird! I'll make fried chicken outta ya!" He doesn't speak much, but it's priceless when he does

"Royal Counterattack! Ambush of the Grand Gundam"

-Nastasha reacts immediately after getting told something's a bad omen. Between that and the bit in a previous episode about a shooting star being bad luck on the colony, I see our logician has a superstitious streak!

-hell yeah, Shirley! Use that… engineering? My science skills are lacking

-I'm dying to know how she learned this actually

-"Stay alive!" gets me every fucking time

-"Helped by your friend again, I see. Still can't fight on your own!" See, this is the shit I was talking about!! Master Asia is putting some shitty ideas in Domon's head - and depending on how long he's felt this way about teams/friendships, was he a crappy Shuffle in his day? Or does he proclaim this because the Shuffle relationship fell apart?

-"how could I lose track of my bullets?" Gee, I wonder!!

-they both stowed booze in their cockpits ehehe

-"in the arms of the woman I love" which is,,, who, exactly, bro? This feels a little gratuitously "have I mentioned I am heterosexual today" tbh, or a censoring of polyamory if you wanna go that route

-no regrets, huh Chibodee? Done everything you wanted to do? That's,,, kind of sad actually

-"I woulda socked you in your conceited pretty face" :)

-Marie-Louise has no fear of death, pass it on

-okay, so George is the head of the family, that tells us he definitely doesn't have a dad 

-I wonder where they got a grenade

-George is the Hulk

-Chibodee admired Chapman, interesting

"Schwarz Rests in Grace! Domon's Tearful Attack"

-and it's cool to see his sharpshooting

-"simply too old for this" isn't he like fuckin 50

-you love him, Allenby? You've known him for a month, tops; you've imprinted on him like a baby chick! Not that I can blame you

-Domon has an "obedient nature"

-interesting that Schwarz sees Domon as obedient and Rain sees him as disobedient

-this boy's life is tragedy upon tragedy

-"Allenby of the Darkness" okay Wong, I don't believe in cringe, but you're pushing it

-Domon has the “perfect body”, does he, Master

-”remember the Shuffle Alliance crest on your hand” I wonder if Domon is thinking in this moment about how, as far as he knows, he's the only Shuffle remaining

-given the chance I could probably wax a little poetic on the 'crews with fallen fighters' shots 

-though now I wonder how they pulled through

"Farewell Master: Master Asia's Last Breath"

-this is another scene I have to watch peeking through my fingers, that red-hot pathos hits just right

-It never fucking ends for Domon, does it

-I really need to dig into how Master is able to control the gundam without ever suiting up

-Master bringing the worldbuilding themes together

-wait, Master knows it was a malfunction and still thinks it's a good idea? 

-”the Berserker system isn't working, why haven't you become normal again?” Have you forgotten about the DG cells so quickly?

-Dr Mikamura pledging to clear everything up is sad in context. How are they gonna fix everything?

-seriously, 'communicating with your fists' is so frickin cool!!

-Domon may not be at ease with his own emotions, but he's more perceptive than he realizes (though, I think I've said this before, only when he's paying attention)

-”the sad beautiful sound of souls” that's lovely coming from you, Chibodee

-anything that is allowed to be unashamedly emotional and poetic, and show that those things aren't at odds with masculinity, makes me feel some kind of way

-wait, you just said to watch out, but now you're refusing to move?

-y'all are foolhardy - did Sai get closer to the action?

-OM NOM GIMME THAT GOOD BLACK JOKER

-it occurs to me that the destruction of Earth started before the Gundam Fight, given the exodus to the colonies in the first place

-Lord Almighty, this is tragic for everyone involved and I am eating it up

[gothicafish]

My comments on my omfd S1 rewatch

Episode 1:

-Stede literally went out and bought that pirate hat and was like dammmm THATS what pirates wear...in his full gentalmens get up

-i love how in episode 1 the entire crew treats stede as their cringe dad love that dynamic off the bat

-Lucius is definitely the older sibling of the revenge family the way he's constantly putting out fires

-do you think that when lucius told stede he was the only crew member who could read that's when he decided to start reading to them ??

-also I just paused at random (-28.07) and what is this picture ?? His kids??

-also in the beginning when stede (Lucius) is Journaling stede says that normally if a pirate doesn't steal his food he doesn't eat so he pays his crew a salary [and provides food] every week ko matter what. So I wonder if the crew will be a Lil bit peeved when stede comes back and has renownced all his family's wealth ? (Honestly I don't think they will bc it's just normal pirate culture AND they've set of the narrative so that the crew is on stedes side no matter what)

-ALSO considering what being a pirate was like (culture of abuse) I don't understand why the crew wasn't THRILLED that they got a salary, food provided and a place to stay with minimal risk of dying horribly (the way pirates normally expected ??) I know it's kinda a plot device so that they do a 180 and accept stede and a kind of symbolism for masculinity but like dawg a weekly salary for just hangin out on a boat ??? Sign me up

-Why did stede bring so much fabric and sewing materials with him to sea ???? Broski wasn't even planning on making a flag ?

-also if anybody ever tells you people font change just remember in the span of two weeks (a month ??? I don't know the time frame) black pete went from "sewing is women's work!!" To getting topped by the potatoes while wee john watched.

-i dont agree with people who say stede was a bad father stede had to have been good father with the way he treats the crew. Inattentive maybe but not bad.

-love my dude buttons

-the fact that Jim didn't make a flag

-love that buttons can tell if three black dots look spanish but still told stede to go after a British naval vessel

-also love that they decided not to kill stede bc lucius couldn't do the voices

-in this family dynamic stede (and eventually ed) are their fathers and buttons is their uncle

-I love buttons fangs; also love stede reaction to them

-why did stede put his robe on ?? Emotional support robe ?? That makes a lot of sense actually

-"some of us thrive on danger" gets me everytime

-I love that stede has a menty breaky first ep

-EVERYBODY HIDE !

-why is everyone but lucius wearing a wig

-LET HIM PICK FLOWERS (get me a shirt that says that)

-"oh I bet it does"

- I want stede to stop acting normal and show them how fucking crazy he is

-The first time I watched ofmd I spent soo long trying to figure out if this was actually Shane madej (when it's obviously NOT)

-I think this show pavloved me into a state of yearning when I hear High on a Rocky Ledge by Moondog

-also I 100% believe stede is strong enough to drive a sword through a man's skull

- in the song when he sings "how many times I've been up to see her goodness knows" matches up with Jim taking off their wax nose lmao

-I hope when they dropped the disguise later on in the season, Jim would come out and listen to stede read too.

- DYING TO BE WITH HER WASNT ANY SACRIFICE

[mattreactsto]

- Who even sleeps with a sleeping mask anymore.

- It’s…Jim? (Josh…but at least it starts with J)

- Oh Christ. Really. Just. Wow.

- Oh that crack didn’t sound good. (I’d let Eddie break my pelvis. Not that I’ll tell Matt that.)

- Raccoon!!

- Who gave Buck a power tool.

- Creepy Nanny. What the fuck is with the nanny’s fake tan.

- Aww. Remember when Joe tried blowing kisses the first time? Didn’t he punch your face? (Black eye. Bloody nose. Yeah. It went a bit wild.)

- Linda!!! She needs more screen time.

- The puppy! Oh no. Hoover. Can we take Hoover? (No more dogs Hun.)

- Well this is a day for home invasions. (It’s…it’s the name of the episode.)

- Awww. Sue. I would love to have a boss like Sue. I wonder how Sue is at architectural detailing.

- I thought that address look familiar.

- Yup. Denny is being raised by the gays. Poached eggs. Yas boy.

- Wait. Karen is…cool with this?

- Bobby has puppy eyes. That match Hoover’s.

- Oh god. No. Not looking at dry wall.

- Why do I have a feeling this is not going to end well for the reno?

- Brother’s kinda cute. I bet he takes directions really well.

- He’s an idiot.

- Hey! He’d be a dumb fuck!!

- Aren’t they worried about…stabbing…Vincent?

- I hope they aren’t hitting anything structural up there.

- Umm…are they fucking? (Who?) Vincent and his sister? (No. I see why you ask. But. No.)

- Karen’s going to give you an anatomy practical.

- Hoover! The Beaver Dam!

- Bobby owes Karen a pulsing shower head for dropping off Hoover.

- It’s someone at dispatch tipping them off. Oh please can it be Josh who cracked because hot electrician dumped him because Josh is…trashy?

- Fuck it isn’t Josh.

- Oh it’s the Bible named guy using Maddie’s ID. Moses? (Noah. Not the same book in the Bible but points for Eddie...Hubby. Fuck. This is why I should have waited on that last glass of wine.)

- Oh Chim and Maddie. I love the weird shit they get wrapped in.

- Bathtub wine is the best wine.

- Oh Moses. Maddie is fucking with you. (Noah dear. Noah.)

- Noah…you…you need to shut up. She’s wearing a wire. 10:1 odds.

- “Cool motive. Still illegal.”

- Yes! I was right! Wire!

- Well. This is pretty fucking racist of the writers. Like. Yes. Crime happens with every race. But wow. Black man on hard times turns to crime to help family and gets caught and cuffed. Super racist, writers.

- Remember when we used to sleep in the same room. You would have beaten me senseless if I turned on the light like that when you were asleep. (Didn’t stop you from doing it though, now did it.)

- Awww Hoover.

- This isn’t realistic. With Hen?

- Hoover is gonna fuck up Eddie’s place.

- Chris is hilarious.

- Nanny is crazy. I mean. I know you’d gladly bang Eddie like a screen door in a tornado, but you don’t slam the door in his face. (He looks particularly fuckable being kind dog dad.)

- You’re not wrong Eddie. Very strange.

- And borderline racist caricature of an Asian landlord. Jesus shit.

- Hen’s leaving. For probably like…two episodes.

- Wow. Eddie. Not at ALL subtle there. (We rewatched some of those episodes.)

- I refuse to believe that Angela Basset is in her 60’s.

- Aww. Good for Hoover!!!!

- Did Maddie kill Magda?

- Why the hell are Buck and Eddie there.

- Okay. They’re with other people. Still. Weird.

- Is this a new episode? (No.) Is that the old set for the old dispatch? (Now that you mention it, it looks like a re-dress of part of it.)

- Is that Karen? (Yes…)

- She still has a job? Huh. You never really see her at work. Or talking about it. Ever. At all. Did the writers forget? Were the writers high? (Probably yes on both counts.)

- Well. This was better than I expected. You don’t look like you hated it.

- (Thank you dear. I really enjoy)

- You still look like you’re a pissed off little hobbit though. Sorry. You were saying something.

- (I was going to say I enjoyed watching it with you…but now I’m going to enjoy giving you the silent treatment and watching your brain spin out on you. Time to watch an episode of Orphan Black.)

[derivativealigner]

Well I haven’t watched sp all the way through for about a decade now, so I thought it was time

Sometimes I wonder how accurate the fandom is when it comes to how we interpret the characters. Like, why is Stan a football star so often in fanfic and why’s Kyle always the smart one? So I thought I’d rewatch the show and make notes along the way to see where the source of all these interpretations is. I also wanted to see if I could get some fun info to analyze, but season 1 is pretty sparse in that regard so there’s not too much of that in this post, but I’ll make a post for all the other seasons too as I watch them

In summary, it’s established in season 1 already that Stan’s a star quarterback and an animal lover, Kyle’s an A+ student, and Kenny is poor and knows a lot about sex and doesn’t have many qualms about doing crazy shit. Cartman is a bit weird since he’s mostly just a naive brat in this season, but he and Kyle have a mildly antagonistic friendship already

I have all my notes under this cut. They include a bunch of small details and other observations. I also listed every Kenny death just because

Ike has freckles

Cartman says “Weak!” and “You guys” and “Seriously” a lot from the start, also “Kickass!” He doesn’t say weak or kickass much in the later seasons iirc

Stan says “Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here” three times in this season but they dropped that catchphrase pretty quickly

Bebe got named in episode 2

Stan’s been an animal lover since s01e03 Volcano since he won’t shoot a bunny or anything else. He does shoot Scuzzlebutt at the end though

Cartman’s a pathological liar but in a childish way

Randy got named in s01e03 Volcano (and it only got worse from there)

The mayor went to Princeton

South Park is next to Mt. Evanson

Kenny will literally drink gasoline

Stan’s a star quarterback in 3rd grade

Clyde’s voice is wrong as hell in S01E04 Big Gay Al’s Big Gay Boat Ride and he has a dog, Rex

Garrison says Kyle is an A+ kid

Shelly seriously abuses Stan, punching him, throwing him, maiming him with a lawnmower

Cartman had a pot-bellied pig called Fluffy

Cartman’s mom smokes crack and has sex with strange men

Dr. Mephesto is probably a Buddhist since he says “Thank Buddha” instead of “Thank God”

Clyde’s voice gets kind of fixed in S01E06

A guy called Mr. McCormick is killed in a protest, launched and splattered against a network building. He doesn’t look like Kenny’s dad though

Zombie Clyde attacks Bebe, rude

Wendy gave her costume contest prize (2 tons of candy) to hungry children in Nairobi

Cartman’s mom is on the cover of Crack Whore magazine. “Back do’ ho… Five on one action!” is the headline

Cartman genuinely cries at Kenny’s grave after the whole zombie thing but gets over it because of candy

Stan knows his mom’s credit card number and has no problem using it to adopt an Ethiopian child (the boys wanted a watch that came with the adoption, they weren’t doing it to be nice)

Cartman calls Stan a vas deference, Stan doesn’t know what that is so Kenny says “Dude, it’s a pipe for your peepee” (according to a transcript). Kenny sure knows male anatomy

Kyle sniffs Kenny after Cartman asks why poor people smell like sour milk and Garrison says “idk eric they just do”

Cartman thinks poor people should die and decrease the surplus population

When the boys get Starvin’ Marvin delivered to them, Cartman says “Hey mom, we found an Ethiopian, can we keep him?” and his mom says “Sure, hun.” She rarely says no to Cartman

Kenny’s dad is an alcoholic who drinks scotch according to Cartman. I mean, Mr. McCormick is seen drinking in multiple episodes and has a hat that says SCOTCH so it’s probably true

Kenny’s family says grace

Craig’s first appearance is S01E09. Also, S01E09 is the first time Kenny doesn’t die (Coincidence? I THINK yeah but it’s still fun)

Clyde got named in S01E10

Clyde and Bebe both spit on Pip’s face, friendship goals <3

Cartman and Kyle have their first fight at Cartman’s birthday party because Kyle didn’t give the right gift. Cartman slaps his face and  screams “I hate you! I want you to die! Die!” while on top of Kyle who’s not really fighting back

Satan throws a fight with Jesus after everyone except Satan bet that Jesus would lose, which leads to Satan winning everyone’s money. Mr. Garrison says “What a mean thing to do!” and Jimbo says “He is a jerk!” and I thought it was quite a laugh so I wrote it down

In S01E11 Tom’s Rhinoplasty Bebe and Wendy are sitting in the swings together and generally appear together throughout the episode, then Bebe gives Wendy a makeover so they’re bffs obviously <3

Craig first appears in the classroom, though not sitting down, in S01E11

Wendy’s not happy about Ms. Ellen taking Stan away from her, she says “Don’t fuck with me! Stay away from my man, bitch, or I’ll whoop your sorry ho ass back to last year!”

Kenny gives Ms. Ellen a scrumptious looking sausage as a valentine’s gift and giggles deviously. Wendy’s gift to Ms. Ellen is a dead animal

Even Kenny doesn’t know what a lesbian is

Wendy’s grandma died in S01E11

Wendy gets Ms. Ellen killed by hiring the Iraqi government (?) to put her in a rocket and shoot it into the sun, then she and Bebe have a pool party (very cool, they wear sunglasses 😎) and watch the rocket hit the sun

Cartman and Pip play a game of kicking each other in the nuts until someone falls. Cartman calls it “Roshambo”

Kenny has a sack of marbles

The boys aren’t fans of Barbra Streisand, but Stan is a fan of the Denver Broncos quarterback John Elway (he’s not a quarterback anymore, he’s an American football executive and the president of football operations for the Denver Broncos of the NFL according to wikipedia.)

Officer Barbrady is a fan of Fiona Apple (who was 20 at the time and had only one album released called Tidal)

Ned knows how to pilot a helicopter

Kyle’s mom is a fan of Streisand unlike literally everyone else, she even gets an autograph from Mecha Streisand

The boys are fans of Robert Smith, the lead singer of The Cure. Stan says “Robert Smith is the greatest person that ever lived!” and Kyle says “Disintegration is the best album ever!” and Cartman says “Robert Smith kicks ass!” and Kenny’s dead so he doesn’t get to have an opinion

Cartman has tea parties with his toys: Polly Prissypants, Clyde frog, Peter Panda, and a dragon called Rumpertumskin

Kyle wants to make fun of Cartman for the tea party but Stan stops him because he’s concerned that Cartman needs help

Craig is in front of the school counselor’s office in S01E13

A young miss Cartman drinks like a motherfucker at the 12th annual drunken barn dance where Cartman was supposedly conceived

Stan lets Cartman borrow his bike like a good friend

Garrison wanted to have a threesome with Chef and Cartman’s mom. I don’t know why I’m making a note of this but uh… yeah.

Cartman’s mom has had sex with everyone at this bar that Garrison’s drinking at, including principle Victoria, the mayor, Father Maxi, and Jesus (and maybe Kenny’s dad since he’s at the bar but the camera doesn’t pan to him when Garrison says they’ve all slept with Liane). Later Gerald Broflovski is a possible father to Eric, so he fucked her too. Also Mr. Mephesto and his friend Kevin, that little guy, are candidates along with a lot of other people, including the 1989 Denver Broncos (and Mr. Tenorman is included in that later)

Cartman doesn’t make fun of Kyle for being Jewish much at all in this season even though the Christmas episode is all about Kyle not celebrating

Clyde and Token appear very early on and Clyde has always been in the classroom (along with Bebe, Red, Kevin Stoley, Wendy, and Pip and uhh DogPoo too I think). Craig appears later in the season and Tweek’s not in season 1 at all, so Craig’s gang isn’t really a thing yet

And here’s a list of the ways Kenny died in this season. He dies in every episode except episode 9, and he dies twice in episodes 2 and 3. Altogether he dies 14 times

S01E01 Killed after alien shoots him, cows stampede over him, then cop runs him over which finally actually kills him

S01E02 Killed in a play by a falling teepee, then a second time shot by Garrison which sends him in the air and he gets impaled on a flagpole on the way down

S01E03 Killed by a volcano rock that burns him then rolls on him but he’s alive again in the end but gets shot by Ned’s gun that he drops and it accidentally goes off

S01E04 Gets his arms and head torn off in an American football game

S01E05 Stan’s clone punches Kenny into a microwave where he gets cooked alive

S01E06 Death touches Kenny

S01E07 Kenny gets crushed by a Russian space station and turns into a zombie because he gets Worcestershire sauce in his veins, then Kyle chainsaws zombie Kenny in half, then zombie Kenny rises from his grave and is crushed by a statue and a plane

S01E08 Kenny is killed by a bunch of turkeys. His eye gets plucked out. It’s dark blue

S01E10 After Kenny gets turned into a duck-billed platypus, Jimbo and Ned shoot him

S01E11 Ms. Ellen throws a sword through Kenny’s face

S01E12 While Mecha Streisand and a giant robot Leonard Maltin fight, Kenny plays with a tetherball and gets the rope wrapped around his neck and it strangles him

S01E13 Kenny gets stuck on a go kart and it drags him around but stops and he’s still alive! Too bad the go kart stops on train tracks and a train runs him over. Stan’s grandpa sends a video of the event to America’s Stupidest Home Videos and wins $10,000

If you read all that, first of all hello. I’m not new to the fandom even though this is the first thing I’ve posted on this tumblr blog. I’ve been writing a fanfic called Caffetamine though so I’m not a complete non-entity. Anyway, I’ll watch season 2 soon and post my notes on that too probably.

[soft-citrus-central]

WHAT ABOUT YOU, HUH?? WANNA GUSH ABOUT YOUR F/O’s?? GONNA RAMBLE ABOUT SOME OCS,, PUNK???! (affectionate) (ik you have classes and such but if you want a distraction or a break then go off, babey!)

AAAHHH MAYBE I WILL

As tempting as it is to gush about Jigen, my darling gunman, there’s not much I can think about to gush about that wouldn’t just be [Vague gestures] LOOK AT HIM.

So! I will ramble about Nolan, It’ll still be no-sense, but the point still stands.

Nolan, is just one of my favorite self-inserts I’ve created as of late. She’s a mess and a little unhinged but also fun to write and work with. As you all know, when I self insert I’m the kind to write myself into the story and make it work and fit. And with Nolan it contains a lot of fun dynamics and episode ideas.

So here’s just some highlights of that, a lot within part 4 and art things. She really shines in part 4.

In Part 4, in her episode, it’s all about how crazy determined she can get over art, as a chunk of a famous Fresco work gets replaced. Not the entire thing, just a chunk, which only adds to her anger. She spends the whole episode focused on finding out where it went to discover that someone is trying to sell it, and she weasels her way into the deal as the appraiser, and steals it back, but not without some chaos. Then the episode ends with her patching and fixing the work, as she complains about the value probably dropping because of this mess.

She has a grudge with the Mona Lisa, mainly because she’s had to see it so many times and paint it. There’s a joke me and a friend have, about how in ‘First Contact’ she’s working with the collector guy, just to see the sword to just prove/see if she’s able to make a replica, cause she wants to practice her skills. The joke comes in by realizing that the collector guy has multiple Mona Lisa paintings in the room, in the background, and Nolan was there just being commissioned to paint so many of them as she waits for a chance to look at the sword. Then Lupin comes in and ruins that plan, along with one of the Mona Lisa and she gets blamed for that. So she spends part of the movie just hunting Lupin down, until she finds him, surprisingly fast I might add, and he’s quick to make a deal with her, which involves making many fake swords.

This follows lightly into Part 4 again where she is mad that the Historian in episode 14 has the audacity to call her [and Lupin] wrong and say that it's a fake. She’s mostly mad because If it was a fake it would be assumed she made it, and the guy barely glances at it, and if it was one of her fakes it would take a lot more than that to be able to tell. But also mad along with Lupin, because they both know their stuff when it comes to appraisal.

In Part 5 when they’re confronting the dark web people, she confronts her’s by holding them at gunpoint with a shotgun.

There’s probably many times Lupin has made a bet with her, where she ends up betting against herself because their current heist actually ties back to the bet in some way.

It’s just fun to describe her. She’s a skilled art forger and appraiser, who also has a kill count. Those things aren't inherently connected but damn does it bring up questions.

[thegreymoon]

Word of Honor

The opening song is starting to grow on me, vocals and all 🤔 I still wish it was just an instrumental, though. 

***

Yikes 😬

One of the reasons why wuxia is an all-time favourite genre of mine is because they always have the best way of killing people. I love the needles and love the magnet he used to extract them! 

***

These two babies are ridiculously cute 💜💙

Watch me ship yet another het (and hopefully canon) couple!

***

Except she’s the Ghost Valley 😬

***

Can’t wait for the backstory on this dog to give me nightmares 🤗

***

This show is just so beautiful 😭

And look at A-Xu’s little smile! Baby is falling in love!! 🤗🤗 I swear, he just gets prettier and prettier with every new episode! 😭😭

***

LMAO, grumpy cutie is not a morning person 😂😂

Also, let him sleep, you gremlin, can’t you see that he’s having a good dream, quite possibly involving you?? 😏😏

***

Gorgeous place 💚

***

Love the wholesome poly arrangement these four senior citizens have got going on 😋

Anyway, if there is one thing danmei has taught me, it is that if you want to be happy and not die a horrible, violent death, you need to abandon civilization and run off with your significant other(s) to live in a cottage somewhere in the middle of nowhere, where other people can’t find you. 

***

Aww, baby 😢

Could they possibly be more in love? 

A-Xu wants to grow old with him, OMG, have they no consideration for my poor heart that cannot take this? 😭😭

***

OKAY SO I REWATCHED THIS SCENE AND LOOK HOW THEY MOVE CLOSER TO EACH OTHER DURING THE WHOLE SOULMATE TALK AND ZZS THINKING ABOUT HOW HE WANTS TO GROW OLD TOGETHER!

***

When are they going to get it together and break Chengling out 😭

***

This poor child 😭 He’s so relieved to see her! 

***

LMAO, roast him, cutie 😂😂

WKX is a terrible influence 😂😂

***

LMAO, he aspires to be a disaster, no doubt 😂😂

***

Rooftop dates are my absolute favourite thing 🤗

***

Oh, ouch 💔💔

Look at his hurt little face 😭😭

***

Aww, no 😢

The wholesome senior citizen poly alliance went down a lot faster than I expected. I mean, it was clear they were on their way to be horribly murdered the moment they left seclusion, but I did not expect it to be so soon. 

***

This show has the best assortment of side characters!

***

Are you feeling guilty yet, cutie? 🙁

The problem is, disaster doesn’t discriminate. Once you set chaos in motion, it won’t just kill the people you want dead, but all the bystanders too. 

***

Don’t you just love how everyone, including their great, powerful friends in the Five Lakes Alliance just left their dead bodies there when they no longer had use for them and WKX is the only one left, attempting to dig a grave with is sword 😢

***

I love it when WKX drops his easygoing mask and we get to see just how unhinged he is.

This is a man carrying around so much hatred and pain. 

***

Well, shit. 

No wonder he doesn’t want to live and wants to die suffering. 

***

Eh? 🤔

Honestly, I initially felt that there was a mess coming along these lines but then decided that that I was probably wrong because Chengling is a child and that Gao Chong would try to kill him instead. But then again, engagement and assassination are not mutually exclusive, so let’s see where this is going. 

***

LMAO, this nut company really got its money’s worth in promotion on this show!

Good for them!! I hope their sales skyrocketed!! 😆😆

***

Heartless Amethyst Fiend! It suits her! 💜

Anyway, I can’t wait to find out his ghost name! 😆 I’m placing my bet on Gremlin Disaster Gay! 

***

LMAO, I love that he asks her this and she goes on to nod vigorously 😆😆

Yep, cutie, you are crazy, but she loves you anyway! 

***

Oh, baby 😕

Is it too much to hope for that Wen Kexing will adopt him and not kill him?

***

He’s absolutely terrifying 😅

I love that this is basically a story from the villain POV! 💀💀

***

LMAO, WTF 😅

He is just next level and I am in love with this show! 

***

I MEAN, LOOK AT HIM!!

He deserves every last bit of his newfound fame! Pay off that mortgage, Gong Jun! You’ve more than earned it!! 

[themonkeycabal]

WandaVision Ep 4 SPOILERS

Yes, spoilers, 

Wherein I watch and say stuff that might or might not be worth reading.

After a little bit of a lackluster start, there was good story progress last week. An escalation of weird, which I appreciated. I'll probably have to relive it, because Disney doesn't want to let me skip the previously. Ever. Why are you the way you are, Disney?

Geraldine/Monica is made of whispery voices and swirling dust and such. Weird. She's sitting in a chair, sleeping, and apparently being reconstituted. She wakes to a hospital room but outside is chaos. Lots of yelling and people running about. There's like swirling dust or human confetti everywhere, and other people are being reconstituted left and right. Seems unusual. Not the sort of thing that normally happens in hospitals. Oh, are they being un-snapped? The great un-snappening. The un-snapapalooza. The fall of the snappocalypse. I'll stop. I guess we're in a flashback of sorts.

Dudes, Monica just like full on hip checked some dude into the boards. She didn't mean it, but, damn, that guy went flying. Nobody knows what's going on, it's madness. A doctor recognizes her and asks where she went and Monica's all "uh, what? I took a nap?" Napping and then snapping and then popping back into existence. Ain't that just the way? Oh, sad, her mom died while she was missing for five years. :(

Sentient Weapon Observation Response Division — please nobody expect me to remember that. They have a Cape Canaveral looking compound with multiple launch pads and a very large hanger smack in the middle. Gee how neat for them that they get to operate out in the open, Phil Coulson says (in my head) with a whole lot of sarcasm.

Oh, right, they called it the Blip. The Great Un-Blippening. That doesn't sound as good. What on earth with the massive monitors in the main lobby. Nobody likes watching the news that much. Monica is trying to brazenly walk through the front doors with a badge that doesn't work and wow, security guy is kind of a dick. Oh, she belongs there. Captain Monica Rambeau. Captain, good for her.

And now security dick is revealed to be even more dickish, since this is just after the Blip and she's trying to go back to work. Like, SWORD couldn't put out a memo "Be on the lookout for recently unblipped personnel. Don't be massive dicks to them when their security badges don't work, because of how they got blipped and all"? Also maybe a reorientation packet, or like a desk out front "Back from the Blip? Talk to Lt. Mandy Smith in HR about your reactivation options today!" I'm just spitballing here. I get it was chaotic, but that's no reason to let the unblipped get a rude welcome. It wasn't their fault Thanos was critically dumb.

Blip no longer sounds like a word.

Anyway, the acting director is fortunately there to meet her before she could drop her gloves and punch the security dick in the dick. Aww, Maria Rambeau is on the Wall of Valor, or whatever they call it at SWORD.

Things aren't going well at SWORD. The Blip put the hurt on the division. Their remaining astronaut trainees have chickened out. Oh, what if there was like crew up in orbit that got blipped and then when they unblipped five years later … yikes. Well, I'll allow the 'lost their nerve' may have a solid basis in horribleness that probably occurred around the Blip. I retract the 'chickened out' comment.

This is a very long walk-and-talk. Maria Rambeau built SWORD "from the ground up". Bless.

The Director has grounded Monica. Well, actually, her mom grounded her, making protocols in case vanished personnel one day returned. Lol. Though, I mean, I'd guess she'd know, what with Carol and all.  "I know it's a raw deal, but there is one positive takeaway. She believed you'd come back." Awww

So, she's off to deal with some sort of missing persons case in New Jersey overseeing the loan of one of their drones for the FBI. I guess Wanda will be the missing person. Yep, she's off to Westview. Which has seen better days.

Hey! It's Agent Woo! I like you Agent Woo! Did I know he was in this? I don't remember. Randall Park's great. A happy surprise.

Hmm, he has a missing witness. So, not Wanda, then. Hmm again. Agent Woo contacted known associates, family, friends — none of them have ever heard of the witness. A mystery!

Oh and there's another wrinkle.

"Pardon me Sheriff, would you mind repeating your claim about Westview to my colleague here?"

"No such place," he says, standing next to the 'Welcome to Westview" sign.

Hmmm, puzzling. Jimmy Woo can't reach anybody listed as living in town. So, wait, the town doesn't exist, except it does, but, nobody thinks it does, so where did he get the phone records for residents? The phone company was just like "here's your records for the imaginary city of Westview, all 3,000+ residents that never existed, and yet we have the numbers and we're just not going to question that". Weird.

"So you can't reach anyone inside and everyone on the outside has some sort of selective amnesia?" That does seem to be the case, Monica. Super odd. Agent Woo is very sanguine about the whole thing. He dealt with Scott Lang, I guess after that everything else is like, 'meh'.

"Why haven't' you gone inside to investigate?" A fine question, Captain.

"Because it doesn't want me to." That's just creepy, Agent Woo. "You can feel it, too, can't you? Nobody's supposed to go in." I guess this is where the drone will come in handy. Oh, it's the little helicopter that Wanda found in the bushes in the second episode. I'm going to pretend that super advanced SWORD drones would totally look like cheap RC toy helicopters. I guess that's a disguise?

Monica wants to know why she and Agent Woo are aware that Westview exists and nobody else is. Does that mean the Sheriff was standing next to the Welcome to Westview sign and just did not see it at all? He was just hanging out in the middle of nowhere with a weirdly laconic FBI agent who kept asking about the town that very clearly wasn't just right behind them? That's a little more than amnesia.  

Also, Agent Woo's hero was Elliot Ness. Of course it was.

Oh no, the drone vanished as it crossed the town line! There's an energy field around the town that looks like what happens when you push your fingers against an old monitor and get the weird pixelly rainbow. Agent Woo's all "please no touch" and Monica's all "yes, I think I'll stick my whole hand in there." And she got sucked in. Agent Woo's gotta be like "WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY EVER LISTEN TO ME?"

24 hours later. Darcy! Some sort of transport van. A trio of other suits in the back, plus Darcy. She tries to talk to one of the dudes and he's all "we're not supposed to talk to each other!" "Boy Scout leader, got it." Relax, uptight guy. Pfft, what sort of team is that? The rest give up their specialty. Aww, bless, she went into astrophysics. "We've got the full clown car." heh.

Boy Scout leader finally caving to peer pressure: "I'm a chemical engineer." Darcy: "No one cares." lol. Missed you, girlfriend!

And in 24 hours SWORD/FBI whoever have set up a little military camp. Oh a "response base". How banally euphemistic. There's like a whole bunch of agencies there, as well as Army and Air Force.

Dr. Lewis. Oh, I'm so proud. I bet Jane was over the moon. Saved from poli-sci!

Elsewhere another drone vanishes. Darcy darcys a lot at an uptight uniform who is breathing down her neck "make your assessment" and it's delightful. Darcy notices some high levels of cosmic background radiation and also something weird layered over the top of that. Hmm, she needs a tv. "An old one, like not flat." One with vacuum tubes, perhaps?

In another part of the camp, they send in a guy in a hazmat suit, down into the sewers, looking for Monica. I guess he'll be the beekeper Wanda tosses in ep 2. Jimmy Woo is not optimistic about that plan. He tells the SWORD Director all about it.

"Someone must really miss you back at Quantico." "No, sir, softball season is over." Lol.

All their high tech scanning is turning up nothing.

Uhoh, screaming. Oh, nevermind, it's the laughtrack. While everybody else was dicking around with the LIDAR, Darcy has tracked down the last tube tv in New Jersey and has tuned into the Wanda Dimension. Episode one is playing.  

Darcy is understandably particularly baffled by Vision. "Look, I know it's been a crazy few years on this planet, but he's dead right? Not blipped. Dead." Poor Vision. Alas.

Director wants to know if the broadcast is realtime or a recording. Or what? Darcy's like "how tf should I know?"

Jimmy asks the good question "So you're saying the universe created a sitcom staring two Avengers?" "It's a working theory."

Now SWORD fans out! And collects every ye olde TV on the eastern seaboard. Who doesn't love a good sitcom, amiright? (Me. Me do not love sitcoms). The Director storms off to wherever for whatever reason. I don't know, don't care. Jimmy and Darcy are on the case.

Darcy is IDing the other "characters" in the sitcom, who appear to be real people with NJ driver's liscenses, while Jimmy is wondering why the force field is hexagonal. You've got me there. And now we're montaging.

Jimmy ponders the big board of 'characters' and Darcy drops her cup o' noodles when she spots Monica in the second episode. He and Darcy discuss and he's like "is it an alternate reality, time travel, some cockamamie social experiment?" Darcy's all "it's a sitcom." A pure mystery.

Darcy comes up with the idea to reach out to Wanda via the radio in her kitchen. "Next time she's washing dishes — which by my count happens about once an episode, barf." heh. She tech babbles some and I'm very proud.

A minion agent runs up with the latest intel from the most recent episode, it's a picture of the SWORD drone that looks more retro (frankly it looks better than the 'real world' one.) Hmmm, such a puzzler. Why did it change, they wonder.  

Darcy Lewis and Jimmy Woo are a partnership I can totally get behind. Jimmy was the voice trying to reach Wanda. Darcy's watching the show while Jimmy's trying the radio thing. It's the second episode where Wanda's talking to Emma Caulfield and things go weird. Good. I'm glad they jumped us to the outside world by ep four. While I thought the first two eps were slow, I think maybe they'll work better once we can watch the whole thing at a go.

Dude is still crawling through the sewers. I completely forgot he was down there. And the field extends below ground and he just crawled through it and became a beekeeper, and his safety rope snapped and … became a jumprope?

And then Wanda wishes him to the cornfield. (I guess? We don't see what happens to him.)

SWORD is watching episode three.

"1950s, 1960s, and now 70s. Why does it keep switching time periods. It can't be purely for my enjoyment can it?" Guys, it's so good to see Darcy.   "I can't believe Wanda and Vision are having a baby." No really, Jimmy and Darcy, BFFS 4EVAH! They're eating chips and watching the episode. Delightful. Just delightful.

"Twins. What a twist." Jimmy gives Darcy a look. "I'm invested!"

Monica mentions Ultron and Jimmy and Darcy are like "Whoa!".

They notice the screen sort of glitches and then Monica is gone and it's the end credits. Like when Bee guy vanished. Darcy and Jimmy are confused. "Someone is censoring the broadcast." Yeah, Wanda. She's gone to the scary place, friends.

Alarms go off and they run off. But, we go into Wanda World the aspect ratio changes from 4:3 to 16:9 and it's a new angle on when Wanda went all scary at Monica, demanding to know who she is. And then, of course, she gets kicked out of Wanda World.

"Wanda, I'm just your neighbor." "Then how could you know about Ultron?"

Wanda brings up the glowy hands of scary. "You are a stranger and an outsider and right now you are trespassing here. And I want you to leave." And then she zooms Monica out through the walls and fences and fields and that looked like it probably hurt.

Oh gross. Wanda turns around and sees Dead Vision. The big hole in his head and his face all, you know, dead looking. She looks away and then he's normal when she looks back. Well, now this has turned all sad, you guys. "We can go wherever we want." "No, we can't." Sad. Poor Wanda. The aspect ratio goes back to 4:3. I’m sure Editorial was like “oh god, again?” 

"Don't worry darling, I have everything under control."

I don't think so, Wanda.

Good ep! My only real takeaway is that none of this is going to end particularly happily. 

So … Darcy and Jimmy, BFFS 4EVAH!

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About Natsumikan: Natsume (pt. 3)

Previously, we started talking about Natsume, how cold he is, and his mannerisms. If you want, you can think of this next segment as the final analysis for this stretch of plot where Natsume is being fully introduced and his behaviors explored. After this one, things will start to get really interesting!

TW for bullying, suicidal ideation, depression, mental illness, and child abuse. Almost all of my essays will be heavily focused on one or all of these themes so if these topics are triggering to you, it might be best to not read.

Chapter Nine

We went crazy analyzing the episode counterpart in the anime, going over the dodgeball game and all of its consequences regarding Natsume’s feelings for Mikan. The manga has just as much to analyze regarding Natsume, but very little of it is as pleasant!

In the manga, Natsume does not start falling for Mikan here. There is no beautiful scene where she confesses this was all done to make him smile. There is no pretend peace for Natsume at the end of the episode where he and Ruka muse about the game.

No, this is worse.

The beginning concept is more or less the same, but with significantly less emphasis on Natsume individually. In fact, Tsubasa tells Mikan Natsume isn’t solely to blame for the chaos in Class B--that they all need a way to let out their feelings and start having fun instead.

Natsume ends up sucked into the game against his will. He does not feel like playing, but he goes along with it when the bet is made--that is, if Mikan loses, she and her team need to be servants forever, but if she wins the other team has to quit their bullying of Substitute-sensei forever. There is no focus on Natsume ditching, or even on Natsume at all. Really Natsume only gets into it when he sees Ruka has been roped into joining Mikan’s team by accident. Natsume despises Mikan and, considering that Ruka has been kidnapped by her before, is not any happier to see him in Mikan’s custody again. He hits her in the head with the ball on purpose, knowing it would be out of bounds, because he wants to hurt her more than he wants to get her out of the game.

From Natsume's perspective, it does seem like she's trying to push his buttons on purpose lmao.

Natsume’s team has way more players, but because they’re afraid to hit Ruka on accident and face Natsume’s wrath, and because they are too crowded on their side, they have some obstacles. Sumire attempts to salvage this through good old fashioned cheating. Whether Natsume is privy to this seems unimportant. He doesn’t care about winning or losing either way, and doesn’t seem like he’s actively bullying the teacher to begin with like the others are. Now he’s just playing against Mikan for stealing Ruka away.

Compared to the anime’s version, the manga’s counterpart might seem anticlimactic, or less fun. But the truth is that the dodgeball game in the manga was never about befriending Natsume. Mikan never considered that because she despises him, maybe the same amount that he hates her. Creating a friendship is the last thing on either of their minds. This chapter is about Mikan finally feeling more at place in Class B as a whole, rather than winning over Natsume.

This chapter carries weight for him on an entirely different level. Natsume might have gotten himself involved with the game, and might have even had a bit of fun, but that was never going to last.

Natsume's life vs. Class B's life. Shadows vs. Shinies!

Natsume goes to get a drink of water after the game, where he encounters Persona, who tells him he has a mission. Right after this, we have a panel of the kids of Class B wondering what they should play next. This is the most obvious visual we will get of the jarring divide between Natsume’s life and that of the rest of Class B. Even Ruka seems to fit in with the other kids, despite trying to align himself more with his best friend. Natsume truly will never be like them, even if he does let himself have fun. He will always have to stop, put away the game, and don his mask for his missions. He can’t be a child like they can; his life is too dark.

In the anime, Persona is hidden in a tree but does not confront Natsume. If anything, he is a mere shadow looming over Natsume, threatening to bring darkness on Natsume’s newfound sunshine. In the manga, Persona’s presence is more potent.

The other children can laugh and play games and the biggest worry they have is what they will play next time. For Natsume, he will never belong with the rest of them, no matter how much they might admire him. Persona is just a reminder that Natsume isn’t like the rest of them.

Chapter Ten

Natsume is in a sour mood from the mission he recently went on, and Iinchou confirms this by saying he’s been grumpy since the dodgeball game. I talked about other reasons he may have been angry in the anime but in the manga it’s indisputable that Persona is the cause.

Thus, he has no qualms telling Mikan how it is: that her grandpa isn’t receiving the letters because they aren’t being sent, and that the teachers can’t be trusted. All of the things Ruka told her before are now coming from the horse’s mouth: this school is a prison. And again he reiterates: he and Mikan are marked, and more than anybody else, they’re treated differently from the rest of the kids. He is, after all, even more isolated from his loved ones than the rest are. On New Years, when everyone gets some letters and cards from loved ones, Natsume is the only one who’s not allowed anything. For him to imagine that there’s a kind-hearted teacher willing to send a letter or two is simply not even worth his time.

Okay but. Like. Nobody asked you, though.

It’s hard to say for sure why Natsume decided to tell Mikan this (other than to plant the seed of doubt in Mikan’s head story-wise). It’s possible that he wanted to help her, but keep in mind that he still hates her at this point. It’s far more likely that he, after a period of missions and consequent depleted health, is not in the mood to tolerate her rose-colored lenses and is much more willing to destroy her idealism and say it like it is, to shut her up.

After all, his threat from the Northern Woods is still relevant: he truly thinks that she will come to regret enrolling at the academy. If nothing else has worked to dampen her spirits, maybe the realization that she has been lied to will do the trick. He's just helping that epiphany along.

Chapter Eleven

The school festival is approaching and Mikan is dead set on making friends with people she wouldn’t normally consider. Naturally, this means trying with Natsume, who burns her hair and tells her to piss off.

Comparing the manga to the anime with this particular chapter is fascinating. In the anime, Natsume has already started liking Mikan. He helps her come up with ideas for her class to do and even encourages her to make up with her senpais when they have an argument. She starts understanding his unique type of kindness and appreciating his presence. It’s a cute episode where they can relate to each other and bond.

In the manga, they still hate each other. Mikan only approaches him because of Narumi’s advice, and because he doesn’t care, Natsume doesn’t mind burning her hair to get her away from him. He is in a sour mood because he can’t participate, made clear when Seaweed-head, Sumire’s brother, makes an appearance. He taunts both Mikan and Natsume for their lame ability classes, particularly the dangerous ability class, because they’re not even allowed to enter the festival. He makes a comment, something along the lines of them being “perfect partners” as a result (exhibit who’s-even-keeping-count-anymore of them being paired off before they even like each other). Natsume burns his hair too and calls him “fried seaweed”, playing off of Mikan’s insult for him.

You can't see his eyes in these panels, and then he walks off, so it's almost easy to fall for the idea that he couldn't care less... but we know better.

Mikan later runs into him again, and this is where there is some consistency. In the anime, they are both clearly outcasts regarding the festival. Everyone expects the worst from the special ability class, and the dangerous ability class isn’t even allowed to enter the competitions. In the manga, the same things are true, and they are both aware of this.

Mikan, shocked at seeing him again, drops all her papers. She’s expecting him to insult her or use his alice again, on account of him being a “hateful person”, but Natsume does no such thing. They’re the only ones who would truly get it, being left out, so Natsume says instead that he doesn’t get what all the hype is about. Such a big fuss over nothing. Pathetic, even. He picks up her papers for her, though he doesn’t have to move much to do so. They stand in silence for a moment.

I mean... he didn't have to pick up her papers for her.

Perhaps his hatred for her is actually cooling. She is struggling through similar things as he is, and there’s room for bonding between them, even if neither of them particularly wants to. Whatever the reason, Natsume is choosing to just talk to her instead of insulting or teasing her here. Moreover, the way he says all this, so transparently, as if he wouldn’t have found the festival interesting even if he could participate, is something she can see through. You can imagine Mochu or Sumire nodding in agreement with his statement, maybe even pretending they thought so too this whole time, rather than connecting the dots as Mikan does. Natsume has a similar viewpoint on many things, things that are “all hype over nothing”, in his opinion, like the festival or even kissing that he actually does want to do.

If Natsume can't participate, then Ruka won't either...

At the end of the chapter, Ruka comes to hang out with Natsume, choosing time with his best friend over meetings about the festival. He knows better than anyone probably how Natsume feels, being left out. Ruka will always choose Natsume over everything else, as he always has done, and keeping him company so he doesn’t feel lonely is an easy thing to sacrifice. It is his way of keeping his promise that he will make sure Natsume doesn't feel alone at the academy.

Chapter Twelve

Yet another chapter where the plots diverge from the anime’s version of events, Chapter Twelve is our trip to Central Town. Just like in the anime, Natsume is Mikan’s one condition to go to Central Town, and he is only convinced by Youichi.

It would have been nice to see the time Natsume and Yo-chan first met, and how Natsume became so close to him since he doesn't seem fond of any other dangerous ability types.

It’s nice knowing that Natsume has people he loves even at the academy, other than Ruka, and things that can make him smile, if even for a brief moment. Youichi looks up to Natsume and Natsume acts like a protective big brother, which is something he’s had past experience with, as revealed in this chapter.

Once in Central Town, Natsume lingers by a jewelry story, where he sees a hair-clip that reminds him of Aoi. It’s something that would suit her, but he can’t get it for her. The reader can see that Natsume is a brother, and that his mystery sister is part of his tragic backstory (oh, to see Aoi animated ;-;). Mikan naturally misunderstands this and then Natsume is absent from the rest of the chapter. It’s almost like he was trying to prove the point that his presence could hardly be felt and wouldn’t make a difference in her trip, something she was distressed about.

Yeah, so Natsume hasn't seen his sister in two years and doesn't know if she's even safe. For people with close sibling relationships, this is like. the definition of hell.

In the anime, Mikan includes him by giving him some howalon, but in the manga no such exchange occurs. He spends this trip mostly on his own, not even with Ruka or Youichi.

I wonder if the hair-clip was upsetting to him to the extent that he wanted the time to himself, or if it was a more general feeling of not being able to fit in anyway so why even bother, similar to the dodgeball chapter. Either way, he stays gone, and that’s fine. We’ll see plenty of him in the chapters to come.

Conclusion

This is the last edition of analyzing Natsume this way, where he has disdain for Mikan while maneuvering her cheerful little antics. In the next edition, we'll see a little of what Natsume's dark secret life looks like, the one that caused him to be like this. We'll also see a monumental shift in the way he views Mikan and then this will start looking a lot more like a ship essay heheheehhehe.

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[itstittycitybaby]

Flirty (Lin Beifong x Reader) Part 2

 a/n: had to start typing this as soon as I finished episode 5. holy fuck. im. im just not okay. as im putting the tags to post this i just wanna say. i cannot keep waiting. im gonna fucking explode.

Lin’s fist clenched tightly around the fork she was holding. Her lips were pulled into a frown and her green eyes narrowed dangerously. No one at the table paid her any mind as they chatted amongst themselves. Better than having the avatar throwing more questions at her.

Lin glared into the food in front of her. Suyin’s chef might be a good one, but that didn’t stop Lin from being spiteful. She’d rather starve than eat her sister’s food. “Lin,” her sister started, a frown over her face. “If you keep staring daggers into your plate you’ll burn it.” 

She scoffed, “Just like how you burned our family to the ground.” “Not this again,” Suyin murmured, closing her eyes and rubbed her temples with her fingers. Lin felt Korra’s gaze. She could tell the avatar wanted to say something, but thought better of it. Korra was never the one to mind her damn business. None of the imbeciles were.

Everyone fell silent as they heard the door open. They all went slack jawed at the man in front of them. Lin needed a drink. “Varrick?” Asami looked at the man quizzingly. “Hey everyone,” he answered cheerfully. Everyone besides Lin stared at the man dumbfounded. She stabbed her fork into her food with force but no one seemed to notice.

Zarrick informed everyone as they ate about Suyin’s oh so great hospitality and the second chance she had given him. It made Lin want to laugh but she chose to stare a hole into his head.

“Alright enough,” Lin yelled, slamming her fists down onto the table. “I’m trying to keep the avatar safe and you’re harboring a criminal?!” Lin couldn’t believe it. The nerve of her sister to bring them here and force her to eat dinner. Suyin knew what she had done. And Lin hadn’t even been given a damn apology.

“Ease up Lin,” Suyin said softly. “Varrick’s made a few mistakes in his past. It doesn’t mean he should pay for it for the rest of his life. People change.”

“You haven’t,” Lin spat out. The room fell silent. They all watched her nervously, anticipating her next move. Suyin looked unfazed by Lin’s outburst. She hated the eyes staring at her, picking her apart. She felt like a damn kid again. “What are you looking at,” Lin barked, leaving her seat. She flung the chair with her hands, pushing it onto the ground. It clattered onto the floor. Out of the corner of Lin’s eye Asami flinched. Shaking her head she dashed towards the door.

“Sorry I’m late guys, I was busy-” Lin snapped her head up. You. Your voice. You were here. The door shut with a muffled sound behind you. Your eyes widened and there were two birds on your shoulders. They squwaked amongst themselves and fluttered about. The birds were distressed. A travel bag hung on your back and there were scrolls of paper sticking out at the top. 

“So glad you could join us,” Suyin said cheerfully. “Lin,” you whispered. A smile stretched your face and your eyes were shushed with tears. Lin’s eyes were wide with surprise. Her throat started to choke up and close. Your smile dropped and your brows furrowed in concern at the tears in her eyes.  Lin swept past you and a metal cable wrapped around the door, slamming it behind her.

*****

The food was delicious. “This is so good,” you said, mouthfuls between food. Suyin chuckled, “Good. Was getting here easy?” You shrugged, as you devoured a roll. The buttery taste and the fluffy texture made you moan. “It was okay I guess. Paragliding was half the journey.” Suyin’s brows furrowed and she rested her hand on your shoulder. “If I had known you were paragliding I would’ve come for you myself.” “It’s fine,” you reassured her, taking a gulp of your water. “I was out in the middle of nowhere anyway.”

“You were always one to isolate yourself. (Y/N), meet avatar Korra.” You peeked around Suyin. There, a fit younger girl sat beside Suyin. She waved at you, “Hi! It’s nice to meet you.” You grinned, sending her a wink. Her cheeks turned slightly pink, causing you to chuckle. “I’m (Y/). Inventor, architect, and old friend of the Beifongs.” 

“The (Y/N)?” You turned to the excited voice. A slightly chubbier man looked at you with his green eyes, twinkling with excitement. “Yup. The very same.” “You’re the one who made the probending arena!” You smiled, “You’re right! Not one of my proudest creations.” “Nonsense, “ Suyin tutted. “Without you there wouldn’t be a probending arena. Give yourself some credit.” You smirked, “Always the flatterer Suyin. There’s a couple things I would like to make enhancements on. Though, I won’t have the chance.”

The younger man sighed sadly. “I wish we could still do it?” “We?” “Uh yea! Me and my brother were pro bending for a while. Won the tournaments thanks to Korra!” You flickered between Korra and him. “I bet you three were amazing!” He nodded enthusiastically, “The very best!” “I don’t know about that Bolin,” a man with dark hair and soft brown eyes interjected.

“You must be the brother,” you mused, eyes glittering with amusement. “Yea. I’m Mako. He’s Bolin,” he confirmed, jutting his thumb and gesturing between the two of them. “Mako and Bolin,” you murmured. “Great to meet you!” 

*****

After dinner you went to find Lin. Suyin offered for you to tag along with her and Korra to her study to chat. You declined politely, but promised the two of you would catch up soon. You shivered as the cool air hit your face. The cold had never been one of your strong suits. It was something Lin used to tease you about. Lin. You hoped she was okay. Seeing her again made your heart ache. It was a slap in the face of what could’ve been. If you hadn’t been so selfish, it could’ve gone differently. Now she was tougher than you’d ever seen her. What had happened while you were gone? Azure and Ruby were already sleeping in your room for the night. You promised Opal that you’d introduce the two of them to her tomorrow. She seemed so excited and happy to hold them. It made your aching heart feel a bit better to know that someone appreciated them. Bo and Bao would’ve loved this place.

“Is that a blue parakeet?” Your eyes snapped to a younger girl sitting by Bolin. She too had green eyes and black hair that framed her face. Her feautures resembled Suyin’s. “Mhm,” you confirmed, digging into the desert with your spoon. “This is Azure. He’s very...demanding,” you grumbled. Azure hopped on your shoulder and sunk his talons in. You hissed, sending him a glare. The girl giggled, awing Ruby as she stayed put on the table. “I’ve alway liked parakeets,” she said softly. “I’ve never seen one in person.” “Well, would you like to hold him?” “Really?!” Her green eyes lit up and an excited smile streched her face. “Totally!” “Now now Opal,” Suyin chided, “You’ll have time for that later. We still have some things to discuss.”

*****

Lin couldn’t believe it. You were here. It had been so long and you just...showed up....out of the blue. She choked on her tears as the memories came rushing back. You had left her. You wanted to go travel and learn more knowledge about the world. After all this time, after all these years, Lin still loved you. That’s what scared her the most. She loved you. Even when she had dated Tenzin Lin still wanted you. The feelings never went away, no matter how hard she tried to suppress it. All these emotions were bubbling up and she couldn’t bring herself to stop it. Lin felt sick and tired. Confronting her emotions and facing the past was like shoving her hand down her throat and pulling out her entrails.

Seeing Suyin again and being forced to remember the scar that haunted her  was difficult enough. Then, the spirits had to add bringing her ex lover into her life. The one that got away. Her fingers clenched the newspaper tightly. It crinkled among the edges from the tight grip Lin held. Her vision blurred from the tears that threatened to fall. Not now, we aren’t going to cry about this anymore.

The sound of her door opening made her snap up. Korra and Suyin’s daughter, Opal, stood at the door. Lin sighed, setting the newspaper down onto the coffee table. Hopefully, they weren’t able to see the tears in her eyes. Rising up from her chair, Lin turned to look at them. “What is it now,” Lin huffed, crossing her arms. Opal’s gaze shifted nervously to Korra and then to Lin. “Out with it.” 

“I’m...sorry being here is very hard for you...but I appreciate it,” the girl started, sending a nervous smile towards Lin. “When I had heard you were here I was excited. I’ve heard so much about you and I would like to get to know you more.” She came closer to Lin and fidgeted with her hands. She bit her lip nervously and carefully chose her words. “I know my family can be...crazy and ..overwhelming sometimes. But I would like for you to be a part of it.”

Silence. Opal shifted nervously and swallowed, waiting for Lin’s answer. “Get out.” She snapped up, facing Lin. “What?” “Get. Out.” Her eyes filled with tears and Opal’s lip quivered. She swept past Korra and left.

“What the hell is your problem,” Korra snapped, hands waving around for emphasis. The anger in Lin’s veins threatened to snap. Her chest felt hot and there was a prickling sensation inside of her. Lin tittered over the edge of the cliff. She was already angry and hurt. She didn’t want to accidentally hurt Korra. “Why don’t you focus on fixing the world instead of my family’s problems,” Lin seethed, eyes narrowing into a dangerous glare. The air sunk thickly between the avatar and Lin. 

“Su was right,” Korra said softly. Her fists clenched as she looked to the ground. “You’re never gonna change.” Korra settled her blue eyes on Lin and glared. “You’re always going to be a bitter old, lonely woman.” She turned and left quietly. Lin faced the wall, turning her back to the door. The tears she tried so hard to fight were flowing freely down her cheeks. Lin choked on a whimper and brought her hands to her face. Once again, she weeped over her family. The loss of the love and warmth she once had. Once again, she cried over you.

****

Opal ran past you crying. You fought the urge to go after her. She was a bright girl who was very sweet. But right now you had to find Lin. You could comfort Opal tomorrow. Pace set into a jog, you got closer to what you assumed was your destination. There was a door open and light poured out onto the pavement. Your instincts screamed at you to hide or run. Instead, you crouched and crept your way towards the mysterious door. You furrowed your brows and pulled out one of the daggers strapped to your thigh. The combat boots you had on were silent against the pavement and you hid in the shadows. Still got it, you couldn’t help but think smugly.

“You’re always going to be a bitter old, lonely woman.” Your breath hitched. Korra. Rage. The rage blinded you from the colour of red. It slammed into your vision and the silence rang in your ears. The sound of footsteps shook you out of it. Jumping out into the open, you put away your dagger. “Y/N?” You curled your lips at the avatar’s voice. Punching her into the ground wouldn’t do you any good. It didn’t stop you from imagining it. “Avatar,” you responded, curtly, pushing past her. Your teeth were gritted and your fists were clenched. How dare she talk to Lin like that? Korra sighed, having enough bullshit today and shook it off.

If you thought seeing Lin hurt, the sight in front of you crumbled your heart into pieces. The door closed softly behind you, not making a sound. Your boots were soundless as you made your away to her trembling form. Lin’s posture tensed at the feeling of another presence there with her. She snapped her head to you. Her eyes were red and there were tears falling on her cheeks.The redness and the tears made her beautiful green eyes shine more. “What,” Lin snapped, “Come here to mock me? Tell me I should forgive Suyin and make friends with her? That I’m weak and insufferable?”

“Oh Lin,” you sighed, voice slightly breaking. Her eyes bulged. There were tears in your eyes as you sank down with her. “What happened to you?” Lin didn’t say anything as she studied your face. There was warmth and concern simmering in your eyes. You were still as beautiful as the day you left. “I’m so sorry Lin. You deserved better.”

The fresh tears fell. I’m sorry. Lin choked a sob. Spreading your arms wide, you pulled her into a tight embrace. The black crop top you wore was soft against Lin’s cheek. She laid against your red trousers and cried. “I’m here Lin, I’m here,” you whispered into her hair while rocking her back and forth.

Lin sniffled, “You left me. You left me.” You bit your trembling lip and swallowed the lump in your throat. “I know. And I’m so sorry Lin. But I’m here. I’m here to stay.” A sob clawed its way out of Lin’s throat. You smelt just the same as you always had. “Why are you here,” she croaked, shifting to look into your eyes. That’s when Lin noticed the scars on your face. A nasty one that cut through you lip and another one through your brow. Your eyes drifted to the scar on her cheek. Cupping her face gently you ghosted your fingers across it. Your soft touches made Lin’s eyes water even more. “I wanted to talk to you. But now’s not a good time huh?” Lin chuckled, despite the tears. “Always one for bad timings Flirty.” A huff of laughter left your lips. “I guess some things never change.”

Lin didn’t say anything. The two of you stared into each other. Your heart pounded and your hands started to feel a little clammy. Maybe the two of you had a chance? “What is it you want to talk about?” Lin’s body was awkward against your smaller frame. Your legs were folded under her and Lin’s body was turned at a weird angle. It was a bit uncomfortable, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Another time,” you murmured softly. “Right now you should get some sleep.” Lin nodded and you let her go so she could get up. Taking this as your cue to leave, you slowly got up. Your joints ached and your ass throbbed from the sitting on the floor An “oof” left your lips. Lin laughed softly, “Not as young as you used to be.” You smiled, “But still damn sexy.”

Lin snorted and rolled her eyes. She headed to where you assumed was her bedroom. You shifted awkwardly before deciding to leave. It was your cue right? Besides, it was a weird situation to be in. Yet, it still felt so normal.

“Stay. Please.” You turned around, hand hovering over the door handle. “You want me to stay.” Lin sighed, “Just..forget it.” “No!” She turned to you waiting expectantly. “I was just...surprised is all,” you mumbled. “I-I didn’t think you’d want me to stay.” Lin’s brows furrowed, “Of course I want you to stay. Why wouldn’t I?” Because I still love you. And I’m pretty sure you don’t love me too. “Dunno,” you said. A grin stretched across your face. A perfect time to change the subject. “Beifong, if you wanted me to sleep over you could’ve just asked.” 

Lin sighed, rolling her eyes. You could see the slight pinkish colour that bloomed on her cheeks. Crossing her arms she gruffed out, “You’re sleeping on the couch.” “Got it Chief,” you replied, saluting. “Don’t make me regret it.” You smiled at her and nodded. The corner of Lin’s lips twitched up but she kept her face neutral. “Night Lin,” you said softly, settling down onto the couch. 

“Goodnight.”

[uservillanelle]

KILLING EVE 3x03 ― Bus Scene

Its been over 24 hours now since episode 3 aired and yeah... I’m still very shocked and I’m almost sure I dreamed all of it. I mean, what are the odds KE would do something like this and give US, the clowns, everything we’ve ever wanted?!? So I decided to make a separate post about the bus scene, because HELLO, this deserves a separate analysis/reaction. It just does, so here we go.

Last week I was really struggling to imagine how everything would play out, only because it seemed like a VERY random place for both of them to meet. A bus? Really? Let’s not forget the fact that they usually meet in episode 5 for the first time each season. It’s basically a tradition which has been set by previous showrunners. So not only have them meet EARLIER, but in a bus makes it so... UNEXPECTED! I had to think it through, because I know there’s pressure for each showrunner to keep things fresh and new and Suzanne did just that. Like she picked the LAST place Villanelle and Eve would meet and that’s soo surprising and shocking to us AND to Eve.

Villanelle just got the postcard for her next target in London, she travels there and next thing you know, she’s looking for a perfume. Now this is soo extra and sooo Villanelle and the fact that she’s looking to have a custom made perfume so she could meet Eve SENDS ME! 

How did Villanelle know Eve was taking buses, which one she was taking and at what time? Obviously, she stalked her AGAIN. Instead of doing her job, finding the target, she goes to London, probably spends few days there searching for Eve and preparing FIRST and only then after the intense row with Eve, THEN she goes after her target. Love comes first, job later. Gotta stan. And in the middle of that she has the nerve to say “I’m not here for you” sure, sweetie, whatever you say. 

Okay, so before I was thinking of HOW they would play it out. How their fight would be carried out and honestly after seeing it... that was exactly how and I can’t imagine now any other way they could’ve done it. Everything about the scene was just... chef’s kiss. Suzanne, Laura - sign me up for S4 already!

My jaw LITERALLY dropped when I saw Villanelle walking up to Eve in that bus, while swaying due to the movement and wearing that SMUG smile over her face... jesus, I need HELP! How dare she... and I don’t think due to all of the craziness and intensity Eve notice just how fucking hot Villanelle looked.. or maybe she did. 

The fact that Eve was texting Niko for the 100th time until she lifted her head up and spotted Villanelle and next thing you know she forgot everything about Niko and went to fight AND kiss the love of her life is just... VILLANEVE IS ENDGAME YOU GUYS!

Soo Villanelle did NOT expect Eve to attack her like this, because have you seen her OFFENDED hilarious face when Eve did?! I DIED several times, yet there’s something important that needs to be mentioned.. Villanelle didn’t hurt Eve. She didn’t punch back when Eve literally was hitting her with all her might going nuts. Villanelle knew full well Eve’s having an intense tantrum so she handled it like a pro and really, with minimum defence she only shoved Eve around a bit only to show WHO is in charge there. I mean... the way she grabbed Eve and started shoving her, or more like CARRYING her to the end of the bus while smirking/laughing at her only shows just how CONFIDETN she is about herself and that she was actually enjoying seeing this crazy side of Eve.

Also. THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE. I gotta say.. in this scene in particular it worked soo damn well! I mean, Eve being shorter and Villanelle EFFORTLESLY handling Eve as if she was some child who’s having a tantrum is SOMETHING ELSE! 

Now the power play... we all know Villanelle is a TOP, it’s a fact. Get over it. And like... the way she pushed Eve down on the seat and climbed on top of her only to tell her to SMELL HER which basically means “Admit I’m powerful” “Admit I’m the TOP here” is completely another level for me... because how can you NOT kiss her in that moment?! And she WAS powerful, she’s clearly physically stronger than Eve, BUT.. as soon as Eve kissed her all that power shifted back to Eve and just like that Villanelle gone SOFT™ for Eve.... It’s what I love. I love one powerful badass bitch right until her girlfriend touches/kisses her. 

Okay, so I’ve been seeing people say that Eve kissed Villanelle to have her let her guard down. Yes, it probably is the case, but I also think she couldn’t help it. They had several moments like these when they were face to face and sooo painfully close and neither of them did anything and like.. I think the tension was building up ever since and this time... she just went for it and this way admitted her feelings towards Villanelle. But at the same time by doing so she gained the power back from Villanelle and not only left her completely dumbstruck but gave that intense HEADBUTT as a wake up call for both of them and US. I mean... I still can’t believe it happened... it had to be a dream and it was going so well.. until Eve woke all of us up, including Villanelle, who obviously was too overwhelmed to stick around and decided to get off the bus ASAP.

I just gotta say... the way they handled the kiss was PERFECT! This is no ordinary romantic couple having their first kiss, okay... this is VILLANEVE, OUR VILLANEVE having their first kiss and it’s crazy.. it’s intense and above all... its SURPRISING AS HELL. To everybody... and that’s how intense and shocking that both Eve and VIllanelle are STARING at each other, completely taken back by what is happening... because neither of them really expected it and neither did we and it’s happening... they are kissing and they hardly can comprehend it.... while at the same time neither of them wanting to give in and let go of the CONTROL both of them crave... like... JESUS! I have a feeling we might get an actual, way more emotional kiss at the end of the season and I am not prepared... 

Now the soundtrack... Strange Effect by Unloved is perfect choice.. I mean ALL Unloved sounds are sooo unique and amazing but THIS... I haven’t heard this one before and I wouldn’t be surprised if they created this song for THIS exact scene... and I’m all about it. Truly. The lyrics described the scene AND both of their feelings sooo damn well and they didn’t even have to say a word. That’s how powerful songs can be when they are used PROPERLY in a show. Their minds....

I know, I said it plenty of times already but I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE IT HAPPENED. like... the twitter fanbase was LITERALLY betting money on whether or not they will kiss this episode and I was like... COME ON, it can’t happen. I’m not going to be this clown all over again.. I can’t and it can’t possibly happen because it’s way too soon?! We literally waited for over 2 years, almost 3 years for a kiss and for some reason it feels like it’s too soon? Because we are not used to seeing them meet this early in the season and I’m like... I’m in utter shock and no matter how many thousands of times I watch the scene and the kiss... a part of me refuses to believe it’s real because... it’s too good to be true and they actually did it and... if it wasn’t canon before, Villaneve IS now. And only thinking about this... makes me want to cry. We got everything we’ve been waiting for... and it was only their FIRST kiss... yeah, I’m not going to survive this.

The post-bus scene and Eve watching Villanelle watch HER drive off is such an amazing way to conclude the scene... Vilanelle’s hopeful expression which is filled with wonder and then excitement as she can’t help but smile remembering what just happened is just... she is truly in love and NO ONE can deny it. I mean at this point just like Suzanne said... Villanelle will only want Eve MORE and I. AM. HERE. FOR. IT. Also Eve’s reaction... she might not be smiling right now, but she’s realizing what she did and that it’s too late to go back and she doesn’t really want to think/talk about it since it’s TOO MUCH (same Eve, same) but as soon as she gets back home and finds Villanelle’s bear with the recording... she finally GIVES IN and admits that yes, she WANTS Villanelle to be there. And let’s admit it... we know perfectly well just how the episode ended.. with Eve listening to Villanelle’s voice over and over again... closing her eyes and the rest is up to your imagination....

So overall... this scene made the entire episode soo much greater and other than that, we got PLENTY of Villanelle’s outfits, AT LEAST 7 this episode alone and I cannot handle it. Not only that.. we also got Villanelle and baby scene and her scaring Konstantin to death and their silly conversation which turned out to be a lot more complicated and serious than Villaenlle originally intended it to be. But more about all of it later in my upcoming review! 

[twilightprince101]

The Train, Purple Lightning and “Fate”: An Infinity Train Theory

NOTE: This contains HEAVY SPOILERS for all of Infinity Train! Putting this under a read more, but tl;dr, I think the train has a way of predicting when things will happen-but not entirely be correct.

I was going back and rewatching Infinity Train Book 1 (Mainly bc I love the show and wanted to relive it) when I noticed something interesting. At the end of episode 9, when Tulip decides to fight and is racing to the Engine, we get a glimpse of the sky and see hints of purple lightning

Which was pretty cool as an effect, but then I remembered something: I’ve seen this lightning before. And if you’ve just watched the Book 3 finale, I’m sure you know what I’m referring to.

But it wasn’t just here either, it was also in another scene with Simon earlier. The one where he shifts from “okay he’s a shit but kinda ok” to “motherfucker unlimited.”

After thinking about it for a little bit, I went to Book 2 to look around, and sure enough, the lightning was there too

I’m going to reiterate: I’m rewatching all of Infinity Train, and the purple lightning throughout the entire series only appears this prominently during these scenes.  (May I reiterate: this prominently. I am aware that it can be seen in a brief flash in the very first episode when that random passenger gets sucked into the vortex, but it’s barely as noticeable as these three instances)

At first I thought the lightning was just a cool effect to reiterate the tension and weight of these dramatic scenes, and to be honest it very well could be. However all of these scenes where the lightning appears have something in common.

They all take place during times of great change not just for these characters, but for the entire train and its system as a whole.

Let me break it down and explain it one at a time.

Season 1: The lightning appears as Tulip is taking a stand against Amelia and her reign as Conductor, resolving to overthrow her and save Atticus.

This one is relatively simple, all things considered. Amelia has reigned as Conductor for 33 years (as noted by OneOne in the documentary shorts), and now that Tulip is going to fight back and bring OneOne back to the engine, her reign is soon going to end and things are going to go back to normal

Season 3: Simon, after committing so many atrocities, gets his number up so high that it has nowhere left to go on his body, giving him the highest number in existence.

(I’m doing season 3 before season 2 bc it’s shorter and relatively simpler than its big brother, you’ll understand soon)

As twisted as the train may be, we all know that its base premise is that it helps those it deems as needing help, teleporting them onto the train so they can sort out their problems. But as we’ve seen with Amelia and The Apex, they don’t technically have to. Aside from the threat of being stuck on the train forever, there’s nothing stopping them from fucking about and ignoring their problems.

Throughout Season 3, the Apex assumes that because they are destroying the cars, OneOne is trying to fight against them and put them back on track. However, as Amelia clarifies, he doesn’t even know that they exist.

Despite the fact that their numbers have been climbing in the complete opposite direction, the train hasn’t logged them down as anomalies or glitches in the system, they’re still considered normal passengers. It could be assumed that, like Grace and Amelia, they’ll all eventually come around and get the numbers to zero.

But then of course... Simon happens.

Considering our limited view of the train and its history, we don’t know if the numbers really can go higher or if other passengers have done the same thing in the past. However if he is the first, the fact that Simon’s number literally had nowhere else to go, reaching the highest possible limit, this goes against the train’s whole philosophy of “helping people.” There is now a clear flaw in the system that can no longer be ignored.

(As for the other instance with Simon, we’ll get back to that)

Season 2: Mirror Tulip (AKA M.T. (AKA Lake)) and Alan Dracula are waiting for one of the passenger pods so they can hijack one and get a number to get off the train

From what we’ve seen of the train and how it works, it seems clear that everything is made to revolve around the passengers. The cars are made to help people realize stuff about themselves, the numbers are made to represent their own personal growth and the denizens are made to assist them throughout their journey.

But that’s the thing: These denizens are made by the train. Every car that is created, the denizens are created alongside it. They are literally made to be the NPCs of the whole system and are made to assist passengers. OneOne even says so in the final episode of Book 2.

“Your passenger.” Not “Your friend” or “That one guy,” he specifically says “Your passenger.” Somehow, despite already helping Tulip with her problems, MT was assigned to Jesse.

And we’ve even seen this in other circumstances too! Tulip had Atticus to help her with a bunch of her stuff, and Grace had Hazel to make her realize that “Nulls” were people too. If they weren’t there, they wouldn’t have gone through their whole character arcs and back!

(As for how MT got assigned to Jesse despite already having “served her purpose” for Tulip, we’ll get back on that later).

But back to the point: The Denizens are created for the passengers by the train itself. So its whole deal with helping people grow and giving them an exit? That’s a luxury only reserved for passengers. It doesn’t see the denizens as “real people.” 

So Jesse refusing to leave MT behind, returning to the train so he can get his friend back? The train literally cannot fathom this turn of events and literally begins to break down.

It’s only through MT outsmarting the entire system and resolving OneOne’s broken logic loop that she’s able to escape, leaving the train for good.

But the fact that she’s even able to get off is crazy in of itself! We may not know how long the train has been around for, but the fact that the train began to broke down at MT wanting to leave means that this has to have been the first time this happened. And now that it’s shown that it can be possible for one denizen to leave the train, that opens the door for every single other denizen on the train! If they can “get a number,” they can leave the train.

Not to mention, Lake’s presence in the human world now gives people concrete proof that the train exists. If the train has existed for as long as humans have been alive, then that means there has to have been some rumors about it. And now, with a living girl made of chrome walking around (and a girl without a reflection), it is impossible to blow off those rumors anymore. The train is real.

So what does all this mean then?

The purple lightning (bet you already forgot about it now, eh?), throughout the series, has only showed up during these moments.  Tulip brought back OneOne, MT proved that denizens can leave the train, Simon proved that some passengers cannot be redeemed.  All three of these instances were points of great change in the train’s system, that will drastically alter things to come.

But why does the lightning only show up here? Is it that the train’s world can somehow sense when big things are going to happen? Or is it something deeper, like it can tell the future, and that’s how the passengers get “assigned” denizens? Well... I think it’s kind of a more complex system than that.

It’s painstakingly clear by now that the train is extremely flawed with the way it does things. Nothing is stopping passengers from staying on the train forever, it can whisk away people that are probably no more than 7 who are still developing as people, it’s possible for passengers to never change and make their numbers reach infinity, it doesn’t account for all the trauma that the train itself can leave on the passengers after they leave, it cannot fathom denizens wanting to get off the train and passengers wanting to help those denizens getting off the train and, in the case with Amelia, it’s possible for anyone to overthrow OneOne and take over as Conductor of the train.

However, I think these flaws show something very important. The train itself isn’t some sort of balevolent god that wants to help people become better, nor is it a malevolent one that wants to wreak havoc. It’s a giant machine.

Each car is made from different orbs, programmed by the Conductor (whoever that may be) to be whatever they like. The train’s helpers are all machines. The entire system itself runs on code. Very outdated code.

This is how I think different denizens are “assigned” to the passengers. I don’t think the train itself can see the future, but it can make predictions based on pre-existing data. Whatever passenger gets whisked to the train, they have their entire history and internal angst calculated and carefully analyzed. After running through their problems, the train can figure out exactly what that person needs in order to grow.

In the case of MT being Jesse’s “assigned Denizen,” while also technically being Tulip’s, here’s how I think it went down: After MT left to go her own path, the train kept her in mind as she went about her business, reassigning her to be someone that can help passengers grow. When Jesse got onto the train, it assigned MT to him and sent him in her general direction in his pod.

As for why exactly he didn’t get dropped off in the same car as MT, Jesse needed a bit of time to adjust and had to befriend Alan Dracula while MT wasn’t there. So when MT was asleep, the train moved the car Jesse was in right before the “Family Tree” car and let the rest of its predictions run its course. We do know its possible for the train to move around cars after all, with passengers on it.

But just because the train is good at predictions, it doesn’t mean they’ll always be 100% accurate. Remember: the train runs on very flawed logic. It isn’t always correct with how the passengers will act (Again, see Amelia and the Apex). So bringing this back around to the purple lightning, I think we found our answer.

The purple lightning represents moments when different aspects of the train completely fly off from their “intended course.” 

The train likely wasn’t thinking that Tulip could be its savior, especially with Amelia as the conductor. It likely thought that, as soon as her exit appeared she’d leave for good. But instead, she stuck around and went to save her friend. Tulip stuck around longer than predicted.

The train doesn’t see its denizens as actual people, thinking that as soon as passengers resolve their problems they’ll leave without a second thought. So MT going off on her own to get a number, along with Jesse coming back for her, both of them defied what the train thought was possible.

Then Simon. Simon, Simon, Simon. Out of everything the train could have predicted, it couldn’t have predicted him. 

The first time he broke from the train’s “intended course” was when he killed Tuba. We already know that Hazel was likely Grace’s denizen, since she was the reason that her whole view on the denizens had changed. But I think Tuba was meant to be Simon’s denizen (at least, his second one since The Cat abandoned him). With how helpful she was in The Colored Clock car, helping him escape and being the key to leaving the car, she was likely going to be Simon’s ticket to learning to trust “nulls” again. 

But then... yeah.

The second time he broke was after his fight with Grace. Despite abandoning her, betraying her, trying to kill her several times, Grace still saved him when he was about to fall. The train likely predicted here that Simon would see the err of his ways, pull an Amelia and go on the path of redemption.

But then...... yeah.

The third-and final time-was when he got what he wanted and got the number to end all numbers, likely bigger than the entire train expected. He had gone so far down the rabbit hole that there was nowhere else to go. Every chance he got to become a better person, he rejected. Simon himself is definitive proof that the train’s prediction system is flawed.

Each of these big moments reflects a gigantic flaw in the train’s system. It doesn’t expect these passengers to do the things they do, go off course from their intended destination. Like I said, the system relies on very outdated code. But now, having each of these situations be resolved, it knows how to deal with these issues going forward. A passenger can leave however they want, anyone can leave if they have a number, and most importantly, its prediction system needs fixing if it wants to keep helping passengers.

The train itself is a very, very strange beast. It’s kind and cruel all at once. But at the end of the day, it’s just a big computer doing its purpose. But this computer is old, outdated, extremely touchy. Each time these offshoots happen, it gives the chance for that code to be rewritten. And it’s very likely that it’s going to commit to these changes. For if it doesn’t... well... 

Let’s just say a lot more sand is gonna be added to this desert.

[warsmith-38]

How I would do RWBY pt. 1

Revised Timeline of story events (This is not a script, but a semi-loose outline of the story)

Red, White, Blake, and Yellow trailers can stay. They’re perfectly fine as is, barring some early series production foibles (and the voice acting).

Series would be split into three arcs with three seasons each. 1. The School Arc 2. The World Travel Arc 3. The War Arc. (4. The epilogue season of mini episodes just to cap a few things off)

School Arc.

Season One.

Ruby is shopping.

Roman tries robbing the place.

Ruby gets involved because ‘fight good yes’.

Fights Roman and goons.

Beats goons but starts losing against Roman.

Glynda intervenes.

Roman am-scrays and Ruby is detained by Glynda.

This is not the first time Ruby has been called in like this.

She’s been doing free-lance vigilante stuff for a while now.

Tai comes in, worried to hell and back… again.

It’s almost routine by now, but he has a heart attack each time.

Ozpin gets wind of it this time.

Is impressed by her and offers her position at school.

Ruby says yes.

Tai says Ruby is too young to be-

Ruby says yes.

Tai keeps trying to argue-

Ruby. Says. YES!

She wants to be a huntress like her mother was more than anything else in the world.

Next few days is various entities trying to get Tai to greenlight the idea.

Ruby constantly begs, Yang says it’s a good idea, Ozpin is quite forward as to the benefits, et cetera.

Tai relents when Qrow calls him and argues that Ruby is never going to stop her vigilante thing and should at least be doing it legally and with training.

Tai tells Yang to watch over Ruby.

Yang only promises to try.

Ruby instantly loses her after they arrive at Beacon.

Yang tried, just not very hard. Wants Ruby to be independent, both from her and Tai.

Ruby meets Weiss.

Carefree and rebellious Ruby immediately clashes with stuck-up and bad-tempered Weiss.

Blake intervenes, slags off the SDC, everyone walks away annoyed.

Ruby meets Jaune.

Jaune is less bumbling.

More of an Octavian figure. Meek of body, but quite strong of tactical and strategic mind.

Jaune meets Pyrrha.

Has no idea who she is. Not all that into celebrity gossip, especially whole kingdoms away.

Comes off as polite and charming, if a bit oblivious.

Ruby encounters Blake on her own.

Says thanks for helping ward off angry Weiss.

Blake seems a little standoffish but Ruby’s infectious friendliness makes her give her a chance.

Have actual conversation about books.

Have minor debate over the exact meaning behind the symbolism of a character in a story.

Y’know, nerd shit.

Orientation.

Ruby and Weiss talk again.

Goes roughly as canon. IE: poorly.

Ren and Nora introduced, again, roughly as canon.

Ren talks a bit more, less of Nora motor-mouth with him just being there.

Have brief conversations with Jaune and/or Pyrrha.

Relic hunt starts.

Catapult!

Ruby and Weiss meet each other faster than usual.

Grimm show up and they kill them together.

Weiss calls her an idiot but agrees that she’s at least competent in a fight.

Blake and Yang meet each other.

Have actual conversation.

Blake tries to be standoffish and curt but Yang’s winning smile and corny sense of humor makes it hard.

Jaune and Pyrrha meet again.

Jaune has actual plan to get relic.

Have conversation about aura and semblances in a way that doesn’t make Jaune seem like he was dropped multiple times on his head as a child.

Says that he hasn’t unlocked his semblance yet, but he says that he scored high enough on his aptitude tests to make up for it.

Ren and Nora meet up because… well, duh.

Meet Jaune and Pyrrha and decide to team up to speed the overall process up.

Bumble into pissing off giant grimm.

Ruby and Weiss start arguing, come to brief blows even.

Teenagers, am I right?

Big grimm shows up.

They bond a little by fighting it off together.

Main characters start to coalesce at the relic site.

Future JNPR is there too.

Everyone has brief hello with each other.

The two large grimm from earlier show up.

Each would-be team gets one.

Happy teamwork scene.

Kill the grimm, get the relics, same old shit.

Teams RWBY and JNPR are made official.

Team CFVY are present as the designated senpai group.

Cue bonding scenes.

Ruby and Blake create book club with Ren, Jaune, and Yatsuhashi.

Yang, Fox, and Ren have Kung-Fu training scenes.

Velvet passes around the collection plate for Wild Call, a large and helpful faunus rights group.

Blake and Velvet are kind of tense with each other. No one knows why.

Then again, Blake is pretty tense with everyone, but especially Velvet and Weiss.

(Velvet knows that Blake is a faunus and dislikes that she hides it. Blake dislikes Weiss because Schnee.)

Ruby is happy to talk to Coco-senpai and her crazy purse mini-gun.

Nora, Yang, and Pyrrha have push up contest. Ruby wins.

Weiss helps Ruby study with things like flash cards, note taking strategies, and other things she ignores.

Weiss has tense moment or two with Ruby but Yang delivers some context as to why Ruby is so unruly.

Mom died, dad got WAY overprotective of Ruby and more than a little distant with Yang.

Ruby always wanted to be like her badass of a mother and saw their father as being in the way of that.

Weiss empathizes to a degree.

Weiss and Yang team up to be the semi-responsible ones for Ruby.

CRDL are cunts.

Act racist to Velvet.

Push Jaune and Ruby around a little.

Say ungentlemanly things to Yang and Pyrrha. (They do it to all of the girls, but to them the most)

Cunt stuff.

CVFY can’t do much because A. They can’t be brawling with underclassmen and B. They wouldn’t be able to not kill the little pricks and that’d be a bad look for them.

JNPR is just trying to ignore them.

This leads to a confrontation between CRDL and RWBY.

They make a bet over a set of sparring matches.

If CRDL wins then RWBY has to operate as their maids or something creepy like that for the school year.

If RWBY wins then CRDL has to fuck off for the school year.

Best of four matches with a team battle if a tiebreaker is needed.

Ruby actually loses to Cardin due to his tankiness, him being the most (IE: only) competent part of his team, and secret cheating.

Weiss beats Russel rather handily.

Blake loses to Dove due to him cheating and everyone still not noticing yet.

Yang traumatizes Lark as a warning.

Team battle!

CRDL takes an early advantage due to RWBY having some coordination issues.

RWBY figures out that CRDL is cheating via wire tapping into their team communications.

Ruby takes the reigns.

Coordinates with her team via code with an old inside joke to Yang, a literary reference to Blake, and one of those studying tricks to Weiss.

They act in ways that CRDL aren’t expecting and can’t cheat around.

RWBY wins.

Yang and Blake take CRDL aside and threaten them that if they renege at all they will make what Yang did to Lark look like a massage, not to mention telling the staff about the cheating.

They are scared into avoiding RWBY and co. where convenient.

CRDL slink off to be cunts elsewhere.

Pyrrha, because fuck ‘will they won’t they’, asks Jaune out on a date.

Jaune, breaking dense anime boy tradition, says yes.

They’re cute together and N+R support them.

Beginnings of Vital Festival starts.

Team RWBY sees Sun causing chaos.

He briefly introduces himself to them and then runs off to cause more monkey mischief.

SSN are right behind him and are rude bastards who don’t introduce themselves while fleeing the cops.

Penny meets team in glorious awkwardness.

Ciel, whom Weiss recognizes from Atlas (they went to the same starter school together), is constantly chasing after her and her antics.

Her other two teammates are just combat bots with special retrofits. (They’re prototypes for Penny)

Gives context of tournament and her place in it like an awkward robot would.

Weiss says something pretty damn racist directed towards Sun.

RBY call out Weiss on racism.

Blake gets angry with her.

The topic of the White Fang comes up.

R + Y both agree with Weiss that the White Fang are assholes, despite also condemning Weiss’ racism.

Weiss has horror stories about what they’ve done, including kidnapping her at young age.

Points to her scar for emphasis.

Blake can’t argue against what they’re talking about but counters with the horrible stuff the SDC has done across planet.

General scumbag corporate crap as well as paramilitary actions that break most international laws.

R + Y also agree with Blake that SDC sucks too.

Weiss is a little taken aback.

She genuinely had no clue that things like that were happening.

Blake lets slip that she was White Fang.

Runs off before people can react.

Team gives chase.

Blake thinks they’re going to turn her in and/or lynch her.

They only want to talk to her and get the full story.

Weiss is conflicted about things.

Sun finds Blake, says that he remembers her from a White Fang attack in Vacuo, despite the masks they wear, and wants some answers.

Sun says that general opinion among faunus (at least in Vacuo and Mistral) is that the White Fang are asshole supremacists that cause more problems than they ever solve or even try to solve.

Blake gets reality check about White Fang.

Confesses that she was involved with some acts of violence but thought it was for the greater good.

She makes a point of saying that she, herself, did not kill anyone. If anyone was killed it was not by her.

If someone died, then it was either an ‘accident’ someone else did or Adam swung the sword.

Also thought that the genuinely horrible stuff she heard was propaganda or just Adam being a dick.

It was said dickishness of Adam’s cell that was tolerated by larger organization that made her leave and try to repent.

She had no idea that Adam was only marginally more of a lunatic than other cell leaders.

Blake happens to see telltale signs of White Fang attack. Uses them as an excuse to change subject.

Sun gives her benefit of the doubt on her attempt at personal redemption and assists her in trying to stop terrorist plot.

Penny has nothing better to do so she gives Ciel the slip and starts helping Ruby look for Blake.

Have conversation about friendship, freedom, and weapons.

Weiss airs concerns to Yang about future of team.

She seems scared at the idea of losing a friend like Blake.

White Fang are taking orders from Torchwick and his goons.

Blake tries to appeal to their good side.

They call her and Sun race traitors and try to kill them.

Blake and Sun vs Torchwick.

Neo (Roman’s adopted daughter) shows up to help Torchwick.

White Fang go all out.

This is a problem.

RWY and Penny arrive to brawl.

Penny solves problems.

Sun and Penny take on the White Fang

Roman + Neo are final boss of season for RWBY.

Hard fought fight, but it is clear that RWBY is going to win.

White Fang have contingency explosive.

No one important dies, but Penny is grabbed by her superiors in the confusion.

Weiss and Blake confrontation.

Both apologize for the mistakes in their earlier arguments and for flying off the handle.

Both still have rose-tinted glasses about their respective sides but the tint is wearing off.

Blake stops hiding being a faunus because the rest of the world isn’t as horrible and racist as the supremacist terrorists told her it was.

Agrees to be more transparent to her team.

Weiss agrees that #notallfaunus and that the SDC has done some dirt.

Torchwick meets with mysterious benefactor about problems with latest job.

Cinder, Emerald, Mercury, and Adam tell him not to worry and that Evil Plan is still a go.

Season one done.

[geekydane]

Talk to me - Tommy Shelby x reader - Chapter 12

Masterlist

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Warning: Smut. My first ever written smut. I’m sorry in advance!

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It was hard finding the everyday rhythm after the whole episode. Going back to work, even though it was only down the stairs and down the hall was a strange sensation. You sat down at your desk a little later than you used to and Lizzie was there already, typing away on her typewriter. She looked up when you didn’t move for a long moment but didn’t say anything. You looked over the papers on your desk and told yourself to let go of all the thoughts that was roaming around about Tommy, Mick King and a possible revenge in the near future. Right now you did as Tommy told you to do and go about your daily work like you used to, like nothing had happened. He said it would calm the people working in the betting shop more, now that the news had spread about Tommy being shot and hospitalized. That might mean that the news about how you shot and beat the thugs to death had slipped as well. Lizzie still hadn’t said anything to you after the first hour so you came to the conclusion that it had.

After a few hours you were back in your habit of filling out invoices and archive the many papers. A few time doing the day the door opened and you looked up every time and expected Tommy to walk in as usual, but it was only some of the clerks that came in with more paperwork. It was in those moments that you thought that, no; everything wasn’t as it used to be and should be. It was in those moments that the inner demon in you started to convince you that you were wasting your time sitting behind the desk. You should get out and do something about Mick King.

In the evening you went home to get some clean clothing to the day after and went to Tommy’s room. He didn’t leave it much, because the doctors told him to stay in bed. The first day you went back to work he was about to get up with you. But Polly passed the doorway and yelled him back to bed and if there is one person Tommy respects, it’s his aunt Polly. You came back to the room and Tommy had gotten himself up and into the couch. He was holding a glass with golden brownish liquid. Whiskey, no doubt. He smiled big when you stepped in and he was about to get up when you signalled him to sit back down with a finger.

“Woof.” He jokingly said, as the signal might be alike to how you would train a dog. It worked though, so you just rolled your eyes at him and went to place your clothing in the drawer that was now yours. As was the one underneath.

“Anything interesting happened today? Couldn’t even hear them yelling from the betting shop.” Tommy snorted. It wasn’t like him to do nothing for so long and he was clearly frustrated. That also meant that you were one of the only things that could keep him occupied for only a small part of the day. You dumped into the sofa next to Tommy and his hands were immediately on you. He grabbed your hip and tried to drag you on top of him but you made yourself heavier by leaning the other way, so he couldn’t move you around.

“Oh come on. Can’t I just have a little fun?” He asked and pouted like a little kid. You giggled and it only made laugh too. It was immediately replaced by the hiss he made when his wound hurt.

“Damn you woman. I can’t resist your laugher.” He said with a heavy sigh. You bit you lip and looked towards his stomach. It was still bandaged under the white button up. There was even a little blood stain on the shirt as well, telling you that he haven’t been staying in bed as he should. You couldn’t say that you really wanted to crawl up on his lap and see what he might do to you. Your new gained memory came with a side effect of a little extra confident in that department, but you still didn’t want to hurt him any further. So you decided that you might actually tell him what has been on your mind the whole day.

“How and when are we going to get back at Mick King?” You asked him very quietly. You weren’t speaking loosely like it was nothing yet but you had definitely opened more up towards Tommy in the last days.

“You shouldn’t worry about that. Come here.” Tommy mumbled and started to pull in you again. You sighed and got a little closer so that he could place his lips on yours. It was a very hungry kiss, like he had been waiting for it for a long time.

“But he shot you.”

“And he’s gonna pay for that someday.” Tommy said against your lips and with strength you didn’t know he had yet, he pulled you over his lap, so that you were straddling him.

“When is… someday?” You asked as Tommy attacked your lips and let his hands run up and down the small of your back. It was a strange position to be in with a man all of the sudden. It wasn’t that you weren’t enjoying it. The thought of Tommy doing more intimate things to you crossed your mind as you kissed back. But it was like Mick Kings face had burned a hole in your memory and whenever you closed your eyes to enjoy Tommy, he was looking back at you in the dark, smirking. Too alive for your liking.

“Tommy.” You mumbled awkwardly against his lips and he sighed, leaning his forehead against yours.

“You don’t have to worry about that.” He said with a raspy voice. He tipped your head to the side with the tip of his nose and started to make is way from the area under your ear down to your collarbone. It felt like he was trying his best to distract you from the topic and you couldn’t understand why. Why wasn’t he angry about the fact that he got shot and even when he wasn’t carrying a weapon himself?

“I want to help you kill him.” You blurted out and it was like the air went from Tommy and he dropped his head against your shoulder hard.

“Can’t we just leave it for now I just want to…”

“Tommy we need to deal with…”

“I don’t want you to get involved with this!” Tommy half shouted at you and you jumped to your feet. At all other times you would have cowered away from him but you were too enraged to let the topic go. It sounded like you wanted the bastard dead more than Tommy did. Wasn’t that what he was working toward with his whole business plan in Manchester?

“But I want to get involved Tommy! I want to see the fucking bastard bleed!” You yelled back at him and you balled up your fists at your sides. Tommy sighed at you but looked at a spot over your shoulder. You turned to see Polly standing in the doorway dumbfounded with a hand on the handle. A little knot started to form in your stomach and you stiffened a little.

“Well I guess y/n speaks now.” She said, more to herself than you. Tommy ignored her and stood up with difficulty as he stretched his scares on his stomach. He went to you and put his arms around you from behind as you still stared at Polly. You felt exposed like she had caught you going around naked, so Tommy’s arms were very welcome around your middle. Polly put a hand over her hard and smiled at the two of you.

“I guess you are improving day by day. You two are good for each other.” She said and sounded very sure of herself.

“Can’t you talk some sense into your nephew?” You jumped to the opportunity of involving Polly. She widened her eyes as you spoke but quickly recovered and smiled.

“Does it have to do with some bastard than needs to bleed?” She spoke slowly and calmly. When the words were said by someone else you had to admit that you sounded a little crazy. Who were you becoming?

“Y/n wants to be involved in the whole dealing with Mick King and his men.” Tommy said tiredly and pinched his nose like the idea alone could give him a headache.

“Well I think that sounds like a good idea.” Polly simply said and gave you a sweet smile. She understood you, you could see that in her eyes. But Tommy wasn’t having it and he let go of you to step up to her.

“Polly… don’t…”

“I see no reason why she can’t be involved. You told me yourself that Lady Finch was crazy about her. She doesn’t have to be thrown into a fistfight. Leave that to Arthur.” Polly folded her hands like that were the final say.

“We already got a plan and…”

“Plans can change, Tommy, when better resources appear.” Polly’s statement made Tommy press his lips

“She’s not a resource.” He grumbled. You couldn’t help but smile at that. You knew Polly wasn’t meaning anything negative with it. You really wanted to be involved and Polly believed in you.

“But we know that she’s capable to handle herself now.” Tommy walk to the bed and sat down. He looked defeated. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed heavily.

“Okay okay. I’ll find something for you. But you will carry the gun with you at all times.” Tommy was now addressing you instead of Polly and you walked to him and slung yourself around his neck, kissing him all over. Cheek, nose, eye, jaw and in the end on the lips. Tommy finally huffed out the hint of a laughed and accepted it. He wrapped an arm around you and dragged you closer.

“I’ll leave you to it. Remember God is watching” Polly said with a chuckle and left the room. If she just knew that you hadn’t been able to give yourself completely to Tommy yet, she would need god to watcher over you. You knew that Tommy was holding back because you were, but you were still very insecure about your body after the countless of rapes you had experienced. But the more you shared a bed with Tommy, the more confident you became as his hands wandered over your body and the glances he send you as you undressed. It made you feel beautiful and strong.

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Only a few days after Tommy talked about maybe going to work the same day. You looked at him a little sceptical because as you were getting dressed in his room he didn’t look like one that was getting out at bed. You kissed him goodbye and went into the office as you used to. Doing the day you saw both Arthur and John walk to and from Tommy’s office. You smiled and them and looked after them with a curious glance, but they just tipped their hat at you and disappeared out again. They hadn’t done that any of the other days where Tommy had been lying in bed, so you half expected Tommy to appear at some point of the day but he never came. You didn’t think more of it than you were looking forward to get up to the room and see him again as soon you were done working. You hadn’t really left the Shelby residence since the incidence. You had moved yourself from Tommy’s room to the office and back again.

So when you entered Tommy’s room after a long day and you found it empty, a knot instantly formed in your stomach. You went to search for him in the house but didn’t find him, or any of the brothers. In the dining room were Polly, Esme and Ada. They were surrounded by most of the Shelby kids. They looked to you as you stood in the door looking around.

“You looking for Tommy?” Ada said while having her toddler on her knee, bopping up and down her leg so that he was giggling hysterically. You nodded at her and Ada looked at Polly.

“He’s out. Didn’t he tell you?” She asked and you quickly shock your head. Out? Where did he go all of the sudden? As far as you knew he hadn’t left his room so he couldn’t have made any appointments. Polly sighed and motioned for you to sit down with the rest of the ladies.

“He couldn’t sit still for that long. I’m sure that if you weren’t here he would have been back in the office the moment he left the hospital.” She explained. You didn’t like the sound of that at old. The fact that he didn’t care much for his health like that was horrible, even though it was better after you came along.

“Don’t worry about him. John and Arthur went out with him. I’m sure it’s important if he leaves without saying anything to you. They will be back soon. They are always home to warm the bed at night.” Esme said with a smug smile and Ada made a face at her. John’s youngest daughter came up to you as you sat down. She handed you a teddy bear and you couldn’t stop smiling at her excitement to show off her toys. You knew that you wouldn’t be able to relax if you went up and waited for Tommy in his room. So you stayed with the ladies and the children and occupied yourself with playing with the oldest of the children.

It was dark outside as you stood in one of the children rooms. Esme had decided to stay in the residence instead of going home since the brothers hadn’t returned. The oldest of John’s children had been angry as she had a room for herself at home but she had to share a room with her sister in the common house. You watched as Esme tried to tug the girls in as you stood at the window, looking down on the dark street.

“You need to get some sleep y/n.” Whispered Esme as she had finally made the girls settle down. You put a hand on your shoulder to guide you out of the room and a shutter went through your body but you noticed that you didn’t have the sickening need to get away from her as you would have done not many weeks before. But you were still hyperaware. She bit you goodnight and went to her and John’s room. You were alone on the hallway and it looked incredibly longer when you were standing there only with a dim light from a single lightbulb in the middle of the hall. You sighed and walked down to Tommy’s room that you almost could call yours too since more and more of your clothing creeped their way into his drawers and you was rarely home at your own apartment.  

You lay in bed for hours waiting for any sound of the brothers coming home. You couldn’t sleep without knowing he was home safe. When you finally heard a car pull up to the house you went to the window in your bare feet and watches as Arthur clapped Tommy on the shoulder and they were laughing together. John was speaking to Tommy when he looked up to the window you stood in and caught your eyes. He smiled up to you and held a hand up as a greeting. You waved back sweetly but you could feel that you were a little mad that he hadn’t told you were he went. What if something happened while he was still recovering?

“Hey gorgeous.” He said as soon he enters the room and took the cap off. You stood with your arms around yourself as you were only in a sleeping dress. He went over to you and dragged you into his arms and kissed you lovingly. You kissed him back but huffed at him as soon he let you go again.  

“Where were you, Tommy? You are still supposed to take it easy!” You snapped at him, or at least you were sure you sounded at least a little angry.

“I had to get back to work eventually. I’m fine. I haven’t busted any stitches. You can have a look if you want to?” Without another warning Tommy started to shrug off his jacket and take of his clothing. You blushed hard under his gaze as he stripped down to only wear his trousers. He still had the bandages around his middle and there were no blood seeping thought. At least he took a little care of himself which made you almost as happy as the fact that he was standing half naked in front of you.

“Still in one piece.” He said proudly and spread out his arms for you to embrace him again.

“You didn’t come to the office.” You reminded him as you pressed your nose against the bottom of his chin.

“With good reasons. I was in Manchester.” He said. You tried to lean back so you could look at him with a sour face but Tommy held you tighter against him.

“With good reasons. You are going to like this. I promise.” Tommy finally unwrapped his arms around you and took your hands as he let you to the bed. He sat on the edge and you stood between his knees. He ran the backside of his hands along your curves. The motion making your knee long dress slip a little up, exposing some skin on your upper tights. It was like Tommy was transfixed on the little piece of skin.

“So what did you do exactly?” You put your hands on his shoulders and massaged them a little. He hummed and closed his eyes for a moment. But he still spoke.

“I made sure you got a meeting with Lady Isabella Finch. You are going to Manchester this Saturday. John agreed to drive you.” He opened his eyes and looked at you as you froze and stopped massaging his shoulders.

“I… I have a meeting? Without you?” You asked a little unsure how that would work.

“If there is anyone that can persuade her, it’s you. She adores you.” Tommy said with a charming smile.

“But Tommy you know that I can’t... speak with her.”

“She was very understanding last time we were there. I’m sure you will do fine. I trust you will get the deal done. You wanted to be included and I made it happen because I want to include you. I want you to work with me on this goal and went you come back to Birmingham with the deal in your hand, I want you to show it off at the next family meeting.” He held your gaze as you stood there dumbfounded. He believed so much in you that he practically placed the whole deal and Manchester adventure in your hands. You wanted to be included and he had giving you the whole responsibility. It was scary to think about but you were also very proud of yourself that you had made someone trust you so much that he would do something so big. It would give you a chance to get back at Mick King but also a chance for Tommy to relax a bit longer.

“I don’t know what to say.” You mumbled.

“Just say you will do it.” Tommy simply said and you bend down to kiss him. He grabbed you by the waist and tumbled you over to lie on the bed next to where he sat. He crawled over you and placed himself half on top of you as he started to attack your neck with small kisses.

“Everything for you, Tommy.” You moaned.

“Everything?” Tommy mumbled against you skin. You thought for a moment what that meant and what position you found yourself in. And for the first time since the rape you thought to yourself that you actually didn’t mind it. The way Tommy’s hands slowly worked their way up and down your body made you feel all warm inside and you couldn’t deny how beautiful you felt.

“Everything.” You repeated him and in one smooth motion he had laid you down on the bed, hovering over you. You both looked down to the space between the two of you. His middle still wrapped in the bandages.

“It’s okay. It doesn’t hurt anymore.” He assured you and you nodded. But it was not the only thing you thought about while looking down. The thought of anyone coming near your abdomen was a little frightening but if there was any one you wanted it to be, it was Tommy. He would also understand your hesitation if you just spoke up about it. Your breath caught when Tommy started to leave sloppy open mouth kisses down your neck and when he reached your collarbone his fingers reached the bottom of your loose shirt and pulled it up. You let him remove it and tossed it to the side of the bed. The chill air hitting the bare skin of your stomach and arms. He let his hand run over your stomach as he started to work his way down your body with small kisses. You couldn’t help but moan and it was like it ignited something in him.

“Is it okay if I…” He started but you pulled him to you by his arm.

“Tommy I have to… I may not be completely… normal… down there. You know… I’m afraid you will be disappointed if I can’t…” You stammered through your explanation but he slowly lowered himself onto you.

“We don’t have to do this, if you can’t…

“No I want to. I just… I don’t feel like a whole woman anymore. So I just wanted to warn you if it isn’t… good.”

“Y/n. There is nothing about you that can ever disappoint me. You are the most amazing woman to me, whole or not. You are all I want.” Tommy was holding your gaze as he spoke and you were almost about to tear up when Tommy smiled at you awkwardly.

“Please don’t cry. I don’t want to be a fella that makes women cry in my bed.” You both laughed at the situation and you dried your eyes with the back of your hand, trying to calm yourself. Tommy let a thumb run over your cheek as he kissed you sweetly. You started kissing him back, really feeling his words in every movement between you.

You started to feel the growing tension between your legs and lifted yourself up against Tommy. You used the opportunity to slip off your skirt. Tommy took your face in his hands as you fidgeted with the buttons in his pants. When you finally got them up he tried his best to move out of them, without having to break the kiss. The awkward horizontal dance made you giggle against his lips. You could feel his smile as he tried to let his tongue slip between your lips. He swallowed your last giggle and you became a tangled mess of arm, legs and flying underwear.

He was hovering over you as you spread your legs for him. It was like the air around you became a little tense but Tommy was fighting it for you by giving you a mischievous smile. You felt his hand move down your side, over your hip and found its way between your legs. The brush against your inner tight made you jolt. It excited you more than it frightened you. Tommy looked you in the eyes as he was looking for accept and you nodded. His thumb brushed the sensitive knot and you gasped so loudly. It only encouraged him as he started rubbing circles on you. It felt much better than you could have ever imagined.

“Tommy.” You whimpered as he started to insert the first finger into you. He breathed in sharply as you closed your eyes and let your head fall back against the pillow. He started pumping into you and soon after added another finger. You had been so afraid that you wouldn’t be able to feel anything. That you would have been completely numb or worse; disturbed by the feeling of something against your clit. But Tommy knew what he was doing to you and he continued the motions and the sloppy kisses throughout your first orgasm in years.

“You look so beautiful.” Tommy murmured as you squirmed underneath him, riding out your high on his fingers. You felt beautiful under his gaze. He looked at you hungrily as he removed his fingers from within you. The sudden emptiness made you shoot your hips up against him in an attempt to take the pressure from you. You whimpered against his mouth.

“You are so impatient.” He mumbled and you just answered him with a little sigh. You reached up towards his lips again as he lifted himself a little. You needed him to touch you and to kiss you again. You felt it like a prickling all over your body.

“Tommy, I need…” You tried to explain but as you looked to him what was going on, you saw how he was pumping himself. You breathed in sharply and reached down to let your hands take over. The way he was twitching around under your touched made you even wetter for him and you were both a moaning mess as he lined himself up against you.

“Yes.” You whispered into his ear to the unspoken question you knew he was asking himself. You wanted it to happen. You needed it to happen so bad. He pressed against you and you held your breath as he slide inside slowly. You were surprised by the feeling of being filled out. You had been so afraid of this moment for so long that you had waited until now. But it felt right. It wasn’t painful and it wasn’t loose.

“You feel so perfect.” He confirmed to your unspoken thoughts. He held you close as he started moving. His head fell against your shoulder and he nipped at your skin. You wrapped your arms around him and as he moved you could feel the texture of his bandages scratch against your upper arms. You had never wanted someone as bad as you wanted Tommy. You wanted to do him right. You wanted to protect him as much as he protected you. You wanted him to stay in your arms. On top of you. Beside you. Inside you. The feeling of his skin against your felt like the most right think in the world.

Tommy sped up and your toes curled as a natural reaction and you dug your nails into his back. He was chasing something good with his wild motions and you met him halfway with every thrust.

“Tommy.” You moaned and he lifted his head to face you. The sweaty hair around his face. The slightly open mouth. He looked wild like an animal but still so beautiful. You let your hand sneak around his neck and guided his face down to yours. It was hard to kiss between both of your moans but you didn’t care. You could feel a shift in the way that he moved that it wouldn’t be long and the knot in your stomach told you that it would take you long either.

“Y/n… God I… ” He whispered your name against your lip and in the next moment you gasped for air as he placed a thumb back on you clit. He forcefully stroke it and you were sure your vision went black at the edges as you filled your lungs with air in a big gulp only to be able to whimper his name so loud that you were sure someone would have heard it. You contracted around him in pulsing movements and it was the last thing that made him become undone. He looked you in the eyes as he let out a roar. You could feel the heat deep inside you and you brushed away his wet hair from his face to look at him properly as he came down from his high.

His weight was a little heavy on you. You had slumbered down on top of you and his head was again buried in your neck. His warm breath tickling your skin. You wrapped your arms around him again and closed your eyes.

“Thank you.” You whispered and he immediately lifted his head.

“Thank you?” He repeated questioningly.

“I never thought I would be able to feel like this. Thank you for proving to me that I’m not worthless.” You said with a gentle smile.

“Don’t ever think about yourself that way.” He rolled to the side and finally pulled out of you. It was strange how fast you could get used to be filled up and you couldn’t wait to feel like that again. Now he pulled you half on top of him, making sure that you weren’t laying on top of his wound. He pulled the covers over the two of you and settled in. The peace that fell over you when you were lying in his arms at night was a safe space. Nothing could happen to you as long as you were in his arms and no creepy sounds could be heard over the sound of Tommy’s heavy breathing as he slept free of his own nightmares.

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