mattreactsto

[mattreactsto]

Karen…is that a Spirit Halloween wig?

Awww. Chim did this?

Well…when he’s right he’s right.

Hen. Come on. The fuck?

Karen is a saint. Denny looks fed up with the bullshit.

Karen with the astronaut Mom joke. Move in next door and let’s have mimosas. Can you make mimosas? (I have zero ingredients)

Karen is a babysitter for a butt hurt white boy…and professionals.

Hmmm. Karen took them off the fostering list so Hen could concentrate. Okay. That makes sense.

Uh. Karen. Your kid?

Denny looks like one of the kids a year or so ahead of our son. (how the hell did I not pick that up)

Okay. The Yeps were funny.

Is…is Hen actually a mom. Because. Just. That’s. Comfort your kid. Come. The. Fuck. On.

Flashback Hen doesn’t have Bougie glasses.

Oh yeah Karen. Get it. GET IT!!

Oh my gods. Karen. Lovingly takes off the glasses…and breaks a goddamn lamp.

Bobby is so commanding. Why aren't you like that? (You ignore me like the cat does. Piss off.)

Dead guy. Brain putty. Sad.

God I love Karen.

Eddie is so…useful. You want him to root around in you, don’t you? (That’s not the point…)

Only Karen would argue with Bobby mid emergency. Slay girl. Slay.

Annoying white guy is more helpful with a busted face.

Ooh. Ugly ex stories.

Hen. Karen is so good. She wouldn’t bail. She’s a better person than you.

Buck. You should know by now to NOT fucking argue with Karen.

I wonder if the actors balls get sweaty in the turn outs.

Boom boom boom boom. I want you in my room. Or however that song goes.

Karen deserves a spa day.

So…Karen got UHauled and Baby trapped?

Karen…she is so valid with this. Okay. Season one…makes more sense.

Wooooow. Hen. Be less of a bitch maybe? I mean. Valid points from Karen. But Karen…the baby is innocent. I mean yeah. The Eva of it all is shit.

Karen. No! If they kill her off I swear to fuck.

Chim. Not cool fuck. Not fucking cool. Manipulative little cock fucking shit.

Wow. If anyone pulls that on our kid they die. For real. Fuck jail. Not even scared.

Bobby my boy. Just. Wow.

Hey. Injured Hen is like injured you! Except the break up. You’re just a ba…(finish that word and you’ll be eating through a tube I swear to Jesus.)

You know what Hen. Sometimes I don’t think you actually deserve her.

But seriously. Flashback Karen wig looks like Spirit Halloween.

HEY didn’t that Marvel Jones person lose her spleen too. (Jessica Jones. And yes. Yes she did.)

Oh right. Toni moved out. I wonder if her and what’s his name are having all kinds of geriatric old people sex. (Thank you for that visual. I may just shit in your CPAP tonight.)

After ALL that from the last couple episodes she’s dropping med school isn’t she.

Awww. Do you miss when our son was that age? (oh god so much. He wasn’t a cryer. He was a squawker. A cute squawker. I do NOT miss the diapers or anything, but my little snuggly boy? Oh yeah. )

Seriously. SHE COULDN’T have figured that out like, two episodes ago?

Denny is such a sweet kid. Yes buddy. You’re getting hugged a tonne.

Maybe they’ll write Hen as less of a jerk going forward.

[mattreactsto]

Watching Urban Legends Final Cut and did not realize that Anson Mount was in this movie. And given that he is one of those actors who could breed me raw since forever...lets consider is a happy surprise. Him back then. Him now. 9 year age difference? Don't care. From the wall To the class Till his spunk Drops out my ...

I hope everyone is having a lovely weekend.

[mattreactsto]

[mattreactsto]

- Who even sleeps with a sleeping mask anymore.

- It’s…Jim? (Josh…but at least it starts with J)

- Oh Christ. Really. Just. Wow.

- Oh that crack didn’t sound good. (I’d let Eddie break my pelvis. Not that I’ll tell Matt that.)

- Raccoon!!

- Who gave Buck a power tool.

- Creepy Nanny. What the fuck is with the nanny’s fake tan.

- Aww. Remember when Joe tried blowing kisses the first time? Didn’t he punch your face? (Black eye. Bloody nose. Yeah. It went a bit wild.)

- Linda!!! She needs more screen time.

- The puppy! Oh no. Hoover. Can we take Hoover? (No more dogs Hun.)

- Well this is a day for home invasions. (It’s…it’s the name of the episode.)

- Awww. Sue. I would love to have a boss like Sue. I wonder how Sue is at architectural detailing.

- I thought that address look familiar.

- Yup. Denny is being raised by the gays. Poached eggs. Yas boy.

- Wait. Karen is…cool with this?

- Bobby has puppy eyes. That match Hoover’s.

- Oh god. No. Not looking at dry wall.

- Why do I have a feeling this is not going to end well for the reno?

- Brother’s kinda cute. I bet he takes directions really well.

- He’s an idiot.

- Hey! He’d be a dumb fuck!!

- Aren’t they worried about…stabbing…Vincent?

- I hope they aren’t hitting anything structural up there.

- Umm…are they fucking? (Who?) Vincent and his sister? (No. I see why you ask. But. No.)

- Karen’s going to give you an anatomy practical.

- Hoover! The Beaver Dam!

- Bobby owes Karen a pulsing shower head for dropping off Hoover.

- It’s someone at dispatch tipping them off. Oh please can it be Josh who cracked because hot electrician dumped him because Josh is…trashy?

- Fuck it isn’t Josh.

- Oh it’s the Bible named guy using Maddie’s ID. Moses? (Noah. Not the same book in the Bible but points for Eddie...Hubby. Fuck. This is why I should have waited on that last glass of wine.)

- Oh Chim and Maddie. I love the weird shit they get wrapped in.

- Bathtub wine is the best wine.

- Oh Moses. Maddie is fucking with you. (Noah dear. Noah.)

- Noah…you…you need to shut up. She’s wearing a wire. 10:1 odds.

- “Cool motive. Still illegal.”

- Yes! I was right! Wire!

- Well. This is pretty fucking racist of the writers. Like. Yes. Crime happens with every race. But wow. Black man on hard times turns to crime to help family and gets caught and cuffed. Super racist, writers.

- Remember when we used to sleep in the same room. You would have beaten me senseless if I turned on the light like that when you were asleep. (Didn’t stop you from doing it though, now did it.)

- Awww Hoover.

- This isn’t realistic. With Hen?

- Hoover is gonna fuck up Eddie’s place.

- Chris is hilarious.

- Nanny is crazy. I mean. I know you’d gladly bang Eddie like a screen door in a tornado, but you don’t slam the door in his face. (He looks particularly fuckable being kind dog dad.)

- You’re not wrong Eddie. Very strange.

- And borderline racist caricature of an Asian landlord. Jesus shit.

- Hen’s leaving. For probably like…two episodes.

- Wow. Eddie. Not at ALL subtle there. (We rewatched some of those episodes.)

- I refuse to believe that Angela Basset is in her 60’s.

- Aww. Good for Hoover!!!!

- Did Maddie kill Magda?

- Why the hell are Buck and Eddie there.

- Okay. They’re with other people. Still. Weird.

- Is this a new episode? (No.) Is that the old set for the old dispatch? (Now that you mention it, it looks like a re-dress of part of it.)

- Is that Karen? (Yes…)

- She still has a job? Huh. You never really see her at work. Or talking about it. Ever. At all. Did the writers forget? Were the writers high? (Probably yes on both counts.)

- Well. This was better than I expected. You don’t look like you hated it.

- (Thank you dear. I really enjoy)

- You still look like you’re a pissed off little hobbit though. Sorry. You were saying something.

- (I was going to say I enjoyed watching it with you…but now I’m going to enjoy giving you the silent treatment and watching your brain spin out on you. Time to watch an episode of Orphan Black.)

[mattreactsto]

(As always, what Matt says is outside of the brackets, and my comments or thoughts are in the brackets.

That is one creepy ass Ranger

Hmm. Birdwatcher got wood. (How drole, dear.)

Hen seems calmer.

I have a feeling your Dad would pick this scene apart. (My Dad is a retired forester and he would.)

Holy arms. What do you say? Choke me? (That’s right darling. Choke me with those biceps)

Fletching Phelps looks like he shit his khakis. (I think Pervy Ranger is sufficient but okay.)

You’re an idiot Ranger. Read the room.

Buck’s in a cult or something damn close to.

Isn’t Eddie’s actual name Possibilities. So, Buck could be open to Possibilities.

Hmm. Random roommate reference. That’s not ominous.

Chris is definitely a condiment snob. Like you! (Fuck off darling.)

Mmm. Chris. Not smart.

Okay. Hen. You’re in shit. Karen called the boss.

Hen needs to just make a decision.

Bobby is gonna make her take time off.

We need to take time off.

Gay fucking in the frat house. Totally happened.

Umm…When we picked an egg donor we picked one who at least…was the same kind of background as we are. Buck doesn’t look like his buddy. At all. He’s gonna say yes. I’ll bet money. (Not taking that bet…I know what happens!)

(Funny thing about the not enough swimmers line. If there are some with high enough motility there is a procedure called ICSI, where they isolate what looks like a viable sperm, and directly inject it into the egg. You want to do an egg extraction to have a few to work with, but where IVF is fertility treatment for women, ICSI addresses make infertility issues. We did it in order to increase our chances of successful fertilization. But I guess that isn’t dramatic enough for this show.)

Chris wants some independence. Ass backwards way of doing it. Fuck. Our kid has your scheming brain. (Fuck. Yes. Yes he does.)

Buck. Dude. Your kid is acting out and you're off in la-la land.

Cyclist goes bouncy bouncy.

Chim…there is something to be said against push button starts. Nothing good. (You have one, dear.) Oh right..

Eddie is pissed at Buck.

OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SONG

Chim. Shift the thing to neutral.

Bet Buck just shit himself. So did Chim.

(Fuck me. Matt’s singing)

Empty nesters. They can get a sex swing! (Coulda done without that imagery thanks.)

It’s the two Diaz Dads. It’s nice to see them not screaming at each other. And honesty. And Ramon admitting his fuck ups and not in a self deprecating way. Progress!

I bet that the dude who plays Eddie’s dad was hot when he was younger. (I wouldn't necessarily say hot, but he wasn't unattractive either. Something about his eyes though...there's mischief in there.

Actually Connor. There is. Long conversation and being honest about things.

Umm…spooge doesn’t guarantee those sorts of things. That shit is nature too, mate.

Cute family. Uh oh. That isn’t promising in this show lately.

Oh shit. I'd like to be wrong maybe?

Noah was useful and not creepy as fuck.

I hate domestic violence stuff. And poor Maddie.

Steven is all flavours psycho.

Poor kid.

Ya!!!! Kick his balls kid.

Fuck you Steven.

Isn't that singer the person...that you sometimes listen to? (Lizzo!!!! And yeah. That narrows it down by zero.)

Marie-Kondo the fitted sheet Hen. Even you can fold them. (Thanks? Ass.)

How much are we betting day drinking is happening soon.

Buck is so tender hearted. But an easy mark too. They need to write him with SOME self esteem. You have some! (Wow. Wooooow. You are lucky I’m not armed.)

I want to say that this is getting through Buck’s head…but he’s gonna say yes. Because of the self respect thing. How did you get it? (Are…are you aiming for divorce…or being murdered?)

That call definitely fucked with Maddie. She needs a hug.

Sorority house. Like we’re surprised after the frat talk.

Hey! You say that. Well. It’s noon somewhere anyway. (Go fuck yourself sweetie)

Bobby is stealing that dog isn’t he.

He is.

Oh fuck, Buck. Karen will beat your ass if she hears this.

Chris, you’re not gonna win this one.

Hey. You make Eddie look kind and gentle! (I don’t need this tonight.)

Eddie is doing good parenting. (I swear to fuck, Matt. One word. One word and you die.)

Thank god for legal weed when our kid hits that age. (Facts)

Maddie deserves all the lovely happy endings.

Cute kid. Very strong.

Hen…Karen is not gonna thank you for this. I know you didn’t do this without talking to your family.

Kinda…(selfish?) yeah that’s the word.

Athena is gonna flip.

Athena is gonna spoil the shit out of Hoover.

Buck. No. Not a smart move. No. No. No.

oh god. Who wrote that line. Of course. Why not. Fuck. Buck. Kinda weird. Those were weird eyes at the end. Did you see the weird eyes? (Yes. Yes I did.)

[mattreactsto]

- Little Athena is kinda sassy

- Young Athena Mom isn’t so bad

- Aww. Athena’s parents are so cute

- All white room. With a kid? Really? There have been spills as long as there are kids. Whatever. Their cleaning bill. Not mine.

- Oh fuck off Beatrice.

- This episode is gonna be something.

- Mmmm. Framing everything point it to Athena’s dad. He didn’t do it. Bet it was the other guy. (…can you widen that criteria? It isn’t vague enough)

- Athena…don’t jump up Bobby’s ass. Unless he’s into pegging.

- I love the old cars.

- The cops are idiots

- Why wouldn’t they have dusted for finger prints on the window? How long have they done that? (1902 in the US for the record)

- Bobby is like that…annoying cricket guy. From Pinocchio. Jimminy Cracker. (Cricket. Holy shit I can’t breathe. Jimminy Cracker. Fuck.)

- Joanne has a gun.

- Now Bobby has the gun.

- Why do I have a feeling Joanne did NOT tell the cops this.

- You couldn’t have climbed out of your bedroom, could you. (My room was on the second floor. So no. Fall to my death dearheart)

- Tanya would have grown up to give everyone a run for their money.

- The killer is one of the kids. And given that Junior is the only named person in the scene…I bet it was him.

- Uh oh.

- That’s…wow those police are dumbfucks.

- Athena…you’re out of your jurisdiction

- Right. Fictional show.

- I really hope the actor playing Samuel didn’t gag on those props.

- Reggie Sr. had something to do with it.

- Bobby is gonna get hurt isn’t he.

- Junior. Junior did it.

- Oh for fuck sakes. Victim blaming.

- Oh. No. No no no. No. Fuck. Junior. Molester. Gross. Fuck. No. No fuck no gross

- Oh Athena’s pissed off look. She’s going to make Junior wish he’d never existed.

- God this is just brutal. The actors, especially the little girl playing Tanya, giving 150% to their performances.

- Are those oranges? (I almost put my face through the glass table beside me on that one.)

- You shoulda turned your shit head of a son in.

- This is sick. Like. Tastefully done. But. Oh I hate stories like these that have kids. They did it respectfully.

- Okay. I need something to get my mind off this. Mindhunters?

- (Fuck my life. My brain. My husband. My thinking parts hurt.)

[mattreactsto]

We are in Podonk Florida

Don’t you have a friend with the same last name of that doctor? (Yes I do...now hush)

Lady, he isn’t waking up

That sod looks like trash

Neighbour’s hot

You can see him lifting the level to shift the bubble

Oh fuck I thought he was naked with that rat poison

She’s banging the hot neighbour

I would. What. He’s hot!

Ugmo the Husband has figured it out.

Boom boom

I mean. The sod was bad but really?

Uh. Lordy.

I bet you wouldn’t mind the zip ties. Minus the criminal charges.

I forgot how much of a bitch her (Athena) Mom is.

“Big strong fireman.” Fuck that’s funny.

Buck and an AA book. That might explain the Taylor of it all.

Noah is creepy.

Hen is burning out at an incredible rate.

She don’t got this.

Where the hell did that Dalmatian thing come from.

What the hell is that Dalmatian thing...

She’s gonna literally crash at this rate.

Eddie’s ass is…I can see why you like it.

Didn’t you fall asleep driving once? Like. Almost?

Karen’s pretty. This mead tastes amazing. Why don’t you have pretty skin like that. (You are on thin ice for a fat man right now.)

Karen is not happy with Hen

Athena. Introduce your husband. (Hmmm. Pretty judgey for someone who does the same.)

Beatrice. Remove head from ass.

Well. Act like a child…

Parenting our parents. Fuck. We’re already getting there aren’t we.

Awww. Three sweet bickering old guys. One of them is going to die.

Don’t tell me it’s gonna be the middle one. (Oh boy this’ll be fun.)

Julie looks like she probably has a thing for pretty ladies.

Is he impaled on him?!?

I mean. If it was Buck and Eddie I’m sure you wouldn’t be complaining. But. That doesn’t look fun.

Buck is having an existential crisis. Eddie needs to toss his salad about it. Man this mead is strong.

Hey! Noah learned something.

Julie’s nose looks like my older sister’s

Triage sucks ass.

Lev…oh man. He’s just so…at peace with everything.

Poor Buck. And Hen. Fuck.

Those balloons almost make that scene look obscene. So much happy with all that tragedy.

I forgot Athena was going to be a lawyer.

Do we know if any of Bobby’s family is still alive? Parents or whatever?

What is Buck wearing.

Buck looks like a lost little kid.

Hen needs to make choices.

That box wasn’t there when Bobby walked into the room.

Oh shit Hen didn’t tell Karen about the driving did she.

Oh shitfuck. Hen you…Karen is gonna strangle you with her braids.

Hmm. What is Hen gonna choose.

Aww. The letters are so sweet.

Why do I have a feeling you’d cope a lot better if I had a stroke and was hospitalized than I would if you were. (Great way to end the night sweetheart. Thanks for that.)

Oh shit. I kinda remember that bit about the kid.

[mattreactsto]

For those waiting for the Matt Reacts…my parents are visiting starting Wednesday so we had to clean. We WILL carve out some time so I can do a proper one. Promise.

[mattreactsto]

- Hasn’t anyone learned. If you’re in 9-1-1…don’t fucking fly?!?

- Isn’t that Buck’s sister? Maddie?

- Ooooh! Sit/stand desks. We need to get you one.

- Running stupid people. That’s gonna go well.

- That’s not a bomb. Looks like she snuck in booze.

- Accident? You think?

- She wants to say Fuck. I know it.

- Eddie…isn’t he the one you would…what did you say…raw dog you? You won’t even (I’m not typing the rest of that.)

- Oop. Not booze then.

- At least is isn’t the Heisenberg. (Hindenburg, dear. But close!)

- I bet Buck is UP working with Eddie again.

- Do you ever want to go up in a blimp? I don’t.

- That battery looks like a magazine.

- Landing on the ladder can’t have been comfortable. Gonna offer to lick it better? You know I don’t like (I’m not writing the rest of that either.)

- Athena and Bobby are so cute.

- Oh god why is she here?

- She isn’t! Yay!

- What do you mean cover…

- Okay. Buck you aren’t ready.

- Since when does she have ten years experience?

- Eddie isn’t convinced that Buck thinks she’s good.

- You never make me lasagna anymore.

- Chris isn’t a teenager yet is he.

- Ouch. Couch. Not. Wow. Snarky. He’s my favourite.

- They aren’t talking about couches are they?

- Maddie and Chim aren’t living together yet?

- Chim is so hot as a father.

- Same as flying. Don’t people in the 9-1-1 world know not to use these things? The golfer is going head first in there isn’t he.

- Oooh gay married.

- Don’t do it.

- Dumb.

- What? Jesus fuck seriously. That’s unrealistic.

- Buck over compensating more than a little.

- Shot through the heart. And you’re to blame. Baby you give love…(a bad name)

- Wow.

- It’s…Sue? We like Sue right? (Yes darling.)

- It’s…Josh? We…tolerate him? (Barely.)

- Fuck he actually has a point.

- Did you get info about your roommate in university. (I had to pause because of the laughing.)

- Oh my god. I love those shirts! Oh shit. I actually have one of those!!!

- Oh Christ. One of these contests. I think one of the dealerships here did that. Grampa thought it was stupid. And the turn on business wasn’t worth it. (His Grampa started and ran a very successful dealership)

- Sleazy car salesman.

- Ooooh. Buck’s face. Gold.

- Aw man. Buck didn’t get to destroy property. Do you think he’s a bottom? (That’s quite the mental leap…but vers bottom.)

- I love the Athena/Hem friendship. They better have more scenes together this season.

- Oh my god you are so Bobby with the spreadsheets.

- You’re Maddie with romcoms too.

- Chim’s ready to satisfy you. Two or three times. I bet he has killer stamina.

- Eddie is a sassy bi isn’t he.

- I bet Maddie is getting promoted this season.

- She’s like a bloodhound.

- Chim. She wants to live with you and you two touch each other in the bathing suit areas. (I regret saying that phrase to him.)

- I love that they don’t cake makeup on her. She gets to be pretty, and not painted.

- Buck with a clipboard. That’s…dangerous right? (He could get killed.)

- Bobby is kind of a DILF isn’t he.

- This is a productive talk Buck. You’re lucky you have a Dad like Bobby.

- Again with the couch?

- You have a couch. At Eddie’s. Go and suck his dick about it. (Where did you learn that phrase?)

- (Apparently he over heard me doing a voice to text message and googled it.)

- I think we had a similar carpet to what Buck has at the old place. Different shade. But close. (I hated that fucking rug.)

- We’re seeing her parents! Wait. One of them is going to die. I know it.

- Wait. This isn’t Grey’s.

- Well. Honeymoon is cancelled.

- Fuck. That’s it? Fuck.