#i believe they’d kill it with a quotes

[boynextdoorcoverpoison]

who! why… how? and,

obsessed with these men and their punctuations

[nikikikiko]

i like to believe that during the time where Gavus and Eugene were giving Liberta & Lucilla their magic to help heal the twins, they swapped children from time to time and that has the kids be (in magic hijinks fashion) biologically related to them

and it’s why Lucilla has full heterochromia (Gavus) but a red eye (Eugene) and why Liberta had yellow highlights in his eyes as a baby (Eugene , who also had yellow highlights in his eyes), they’re both a little bit Celestial and Hypogean respectively

and on a more heartbreaking note, Liberta doesn’t have these eye highlights anymore when he’s older so I have to question on if Liberta was purged of all things Hypogean in his dna and magic due to Celestials despising Hypogeans to that level of nonsense

[graciereadshannigram]

re: sex, power, and hannigram (the bees in my head have struck again)

y'all know the quote, everything in the world is about sex, except sex – sex is about power? Will, someone who has been consistently denied agency and power in his life especially by Hannibal, and Hannibal, a man who has kept himself under such strict control around other people, despite desperately craving true connection to another person – sex would be a natural extension and exploration of these pre-existing dynamics. 

Will and Hannibal’s entire relationship is based on their emotional and intellectual connection as they play this cat and mouse game where the power dynamics are fluid and unstable! the mental arousal they provide one another is an integral part of their connection. and that’s what attracts and excites them! and you know what increased psychological arousal leads to (or at the very least, enhances)? physical arousal!! 

which brings me to my next point: we know that Will is mentally aroused by the prospect of both saving and taking lives (s/o to our boy Chilton, man was a rat, but he was right!) because doing bad things to bad people feels good. 

so when Will finally Becomes by killing the dragon with Hannibal and they start exploring how they kill together, of course bloodlust and regular old lust are going to start blurring. not because either of them are sexual sadists who get off on the act of murdering someone, but instead on the power they each hold over death, the thrill of being truly seen and accepted by the other. 

not to mention the fact that sex provides an outlet for some of their more destructive urges, as well as a way to rebuild trust and psychological safety, two things they haven’t really had much of?? which is not to say that i believe everything they’d do would be safe, sane, or consensual, but i do think they’d be providing each other with what they each authentically need to move forward with one another. 

basically, i'm trying to say Hannibal tried his own brand of therapy on Will and look where it got them. i think the next logical progression would be sex as therapy and therapy as sex.

[forestdeath1]

Canon Sirius through quotes

Part 3. Harshness and toughness (and how Sirius Black differs from James Potter). It's long. Really long.

Sirius isn't a soft crybaby. His harshness (and even cruelty) goes beyond the silly teenage pranks we usually see in fanfiction. Sirius is often either whitewashed by newer fans or overly demonized by anti-Marauders fans. Sirius has a tough exterior but a heart of gold. He's not childish and had to grow up early, though he can still be quite fun.

‘Do you know, I still have trouble believing it,’ said Madam Rosmerta thoughtfully. ‘Of all the people to go over to the Dark side, Sirius Black was the last I’d have thought ... .’

"Of all the people to go over to the Dark side, Sirius Black was the last I’d have thought" – this shouldn't be taken literally. Rosmerta saw many others regularly, Dumbledore, Lily, Remus, and many others, and out of all of them, Sirius Black was the last who could turn to the Dark side? Seriously? Did Sirius walk around with a halo and angel wings?

One trait that is always emphasized in his appearance is his haughty, bored look.

Rosmerta speaks metaphorically, not literally. She saw Sirius once a month or two when they went out to Hogsmeade to have fun and drink. In those moments, Sirius was lively, funny and noisy (especially lively after running away from home), and perhaps he even flirted with Rosmerta in a childish manner, melting the heart of the adult woman.

Sirius can be funny, although his humor is always edging towards dark:

"Imagine wasting your time and energy persecuting merpeople when there are little toerags like Kreacher on the loose.’ 

Ron laughed but Hermione looked upset. 

‘Sirius!’ she said reproachfully. ‘Honestly, if you made a bit of an effort with Kreacher, I’m sure he’d respond. After all, you are the only member of his family he’s got left, and Professor Dumbledore said –’ 

‘So, what are Umbridge’s lessons like?’ Sirius interrupted. ‘Is she training you all to kill half-breeds?’

Moreover, he interrupts Hermione, not letting her finish her point. He sharply outlines if he doesn't want to listen.

"the stuffed elf-heads on the hall wall wore Father Christmas hats and beards"

Dark humor.

‘Kreacher is cleaning,’ the elf repeated. ‘Kreacher lives to serve the Noble House of Black –’ 

‘And it’s getting blacker every day, it’s filthy,’ said Sirius.

Here he responds with a clear "Black" shade. His mother also loved to talk about filth.

‘Sirius – it’s me ... it’s Peter ... your friend ... you wouldn’t ...’ Black kicked out and Pettigrew recoiled. ‘There’s enough filth on my robes without you touching them,’ said Black.

And again. And here’s his mother:

‘Filth! Scum! By-products of dirt and vileness! Half-breeds, mutants, freaks, begone from this place! How dare you befoul the house of my fathers –’ 

‘Stains of dishonour, filthy half-breeds, blood traitors, children of filth ...’

Sirius desperately wants to be unlike the Blacks, but he is still Sirius Black.

‘I thought it was the perfect plan ... a bluff ... Voldemort would be sure to come after me, would never dream they’d use a weak, talentless thing like you ... it must have been the finest moment of your miserable life, telling Voldemort you could hand him the Potters.’

Sirius's humor isn't the only harsh thing about him. Even though here he has a reason – after Azkaban he met James's traitor – his way of speaking reflects his overall personality. The way one speaks is a mirror of personality, even if Sirius has PTSD, it only exposes even more vividly what he might control in a calm state.

‘Nasty temper he’s got, that Sirius Black.’ (Peeves)

At the same time, yes, he can be cheerful and infect everyone around him with his cheerfulness. If he's in a sombre mood, he creates a quite oppressive atmosphere around him that everyone feels. Just as with a good mood – everyone feels it.

Harry could not remember Sirius ever being in such a good mood; he was actually singing carols, apparently delighted that he was to have company over Christmas. 

-

Sirius tramping past their door towards Buckbeak’s room, singing ‘God Rest Ye, Merry Hippogriffs’ at the top of his voice. 

-

Sirius’s delight at having the house full again, and especially at having Harry back, was infectious. He was no longer their sullen host of the summer; now he seemed determined that everyone should enjoy themselves as much, if not more than they would have done at Hogwarts, and he worked tirelessly in the run-up to Christmas Day, cleaning and decorating with their help.

But the ability to be cheerful is in no way connected to being very harshn at the same time. This is precisely the case with Sirius.

Of all the Marauders, only Sirius is really harsh and can be truly dangerous (the author wrote about him, “The best-looking, most rebellious, most dangerous of the four marauders”). James was also a bully, but he's not harsh, despite the fact that it was he who pulled down Snape's trousers. Why? I think Sirius was already aware of what they were doing. James – not. Without awareness, it's too early to speak of any harshness and cruelty. Sirius had this awareness and still continued to do it.

Let's consider the reactions of Sirius and James in comparison.

‘Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I’d leave, wouldn’t you?’ 

Sirius did not smile. ‘My whole family have been in Slytherin,’ he said.

‘Blimey,’ said James, ‘and I thought you seemed all right!’ 

Sirius grinned. ‘Maybe I’ll break the tradition. Where are you heading, if you’ve got the choice?’

A small note: Sirius didn't even react to James's "I'd leave", even though he knew his whole family was from Slytherin, and he was likely to go there too.

James lifted an invisible sword. ‘“Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!” Like my dad.’ Snape made a small, disparaging noise. James turned on him.

‘Got a problem with that?’ ‘No,’ said Snape, though his slight sneer said otherwise. ‘If you’d rather be brawny than brainy –’

It was Snape who starts the confrontation on a personal level. James in his insults in this memory refers to moral qualities. "Who wants to be in Slytherin?" Only bad people. He is prejudiced against Slytherin because Slytherin is evil. Voldemort is gaining momentum. The first Muggle-born Minister was recently ousted. Attacks are happening here and there. Dark forces are growing. More and more of the pure-blood society talks about "Mudbloods" not belonging in this world. And "amazingly", they all turn out to be from Slytherin. James sees himself as a noble knight "James lifted an invisible sword", and he is against Slytherin not so much personally as against the moral component of Slytherin.

‘Where’re you hoping to go, seeing as you’re neither?’ interjected Sirius.

James roared with laughter. Lily sat up, rather flushed, and looked from James to Sirius in dislike.

Sirius immediately strikes at Snape's personality. Sirius is sharp-tongued, self-assured, and likely accustomed to considering others below himself. He probably assessed James as his equal right away. Brave, cheerful, sincere.

'Come on, Severus, let's find another compartment.'

'Oooooo...'

James and Sirius imitated her lofty voice; James tried to trip Snape as he passed.

'See ya, Snivellus!' a voice called, as the compartment door slammed...

James tried to trip Snape. James most often uses physical/magical force. He trips Snape, he pulls down Snape's trousers, he uses most of the spells on Snape in SWM. But it's Sirius who goes after Snape's personality. It looks like James has concocted a "noble justification" for his behavior and attitude and punishes Snape for existing just as he is.

Sirius, on the other hand, hardly uses magical/physical force in memories; he finds painful points in Snape's personality – from character to appearance, intentionally demeaning his personal traits.

Moreover, it was Sirius who focused on Snape's appearance. No one, except him, places such an emphasis on Snape's unattractive appearance and his untidiness.

'Snape's always been fascinated by the Dark Arts, he was famous for it at school. Slimy, oily, greasy-haired kid, he was,'

Very vivid epithets. Sirius is very eloquent when it comes to demeaning someone he dislikes.

Moreover, it's James who's the attention seeker. It's James who plays with the snitch, drawing attention, glancing at the girls by the lake, and ruffling his hair to show everyone how cool, strong, brave, and awesome he is.

After five minutes of this, Harry wondered why James didn’t tell Wormtail to get a grip on himself, but James seemed to be enjoying the attention. Harry noticed that his father had a habit of rumpling up his hair as though to keep it from getting too tidy, and he also kept looking over at the girls by the water’s edge.

While Sirius, likely, isn't much interested in societal validation. Sirius is more reserved, with firmer boundaries, he's not as interested in public adoration as James might be.

Lupin had pulled out a book and was reading. Sirius stared around at the students milling over the grass, looking rather haughty and bored, but very handsomely so.

This is a typical expression for Sirius – bored and haughty. He spent nearly five full years in Gryffindor alongside James, and the bored and haughty expression is still with him. It's not just a random trait in his character – it's one of the pillars of his personality, reflecting his attitude towards random people around him.

‘Put that away, will you,’ said Sirius finally, as James made a fine catch and Wormtail let out a cheer, ‘before Wormtail wets himself with excitement.’

As I've said, Sirius cuts with his words without a knife. They've been studying together for five years, been friends with Peter, and he jokes about Peter like this. I think they all joked about each other in the same way, just James's "jokes" are blunt and probably he just says whatever comes to mind, whereas Sirius's are more subtle and hurtful.

Moreover, when people say this is the only episode we know of bullying by James and Sirius and that it's the worst in their history, that's not correct. This episode is the worst in Snape's life. And not because they pulled down his trousers. But because he lost Lily forever that day. This episode, likely, was quite typical for the Marauders. They were in a good mood, had finished exams, Snape just happened to pass by, there were no obvious reasons for this bullying. Harry sifted through their detention records, and there were many, very many, and how many more when they weren't caught?

Sirius got bored, and there they decided to "have some fun."

‘I’m bored,’ said Sirius. ‘Wish it was full moon.’ 

‘You might,’ said Lupin darkly from behind his book. ‘We’ve still got Transfiguration, if you’re bored you could test me. Here ...’ and he held out his book. 

But Sirius snorted. ‘I don’t need to look at that rubbish, I know it all.’

I won't discuss The Prank here, many have written about it. In general, Sirius doesn't show empathy in everyday interactions even with Remus. Sirius has a heart of gold, but his shell, especially as a teenager – tough, harsh, sharp, and cutting. The grown-up Sirius interacts with close people much more politely, though he still occasionally shows his harshness (for example, with Hermione).

‘This’ll liven you up, Padfoot,’ said James quietly. ‘Look who it is ...’ 

Sirius’s head turned. He became very still, like a dog that has scented a rabbit. 

‘Excellent,’ he said softly. ‘Snivellus.’

I don't want to justify Sirius and James, but for context – Snape is fascinated by the Dark Arts, hangs out with future Death Eaters (= fascist), and they have mutual dislike from the first year. No, the act is immature, but James justifies it in his head exactly like this – Snape is bad for him, so anything goes, and anyway, "so what?" Sirius doesn't need justifications. He's just bored.

Even when James uses all the spells on Snape, he still glances at the lake:

Snape lay panting on the ground. James and Sirius advanced on him, wands raised, James glancing over his shoulder at the girls at the water’s edge as he went. Wormtail was on his feet now, watching hungrily, edging around Lupin to get a clearer view.

Why look at the girls by the lake when you're humiliating someone, if you know you're doing something really bad? James genuinely sees himself as a noble knight, deserving of admiration. Moreover, many do admire him (''Students all around had turned to watch. Some of them had got to their feet and were edging nearer. Some looked apprehensive, others entertained. Several people watching laughed''), and Lupin mentioned several times that James was popular at school.

‘How’d the exam go, Snivelly?’ said James. 

‘I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment,’ said Sirius viciously. ‘There’ll be great grease marks all over it, they won’t be able to read a word.’ 

Again, Sirius harshly targets Snape's personal traits, including his appearance.

‘You – wait,’ he panted, staring up at James with an expression of purest loathing, ‘you – wait!’ 

‘Wait for what?’ said Sirius coolly. ‘What’re you going to do, Snivelly, wipe your nose on us?’ 

And again – Sirius strikes with words.

Snape let out a stream of mixed swear words and hexes, but with his wand ten feet away nothing happened.

‘Wash out your mouth,’ said James coldly. ‘Scourgify!’

And James responds with a spell to what? Snape's insults. He says ‘Wash out your mouth.’ He appeals to the moral side of the issue.

‘I don’t need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!’

‘Apologise to Evans!’ James roared at Snape, his wand pointed  threateningly at him. ‘I don’t want you to make him apologise,’ Lily shouted, rounding on James. ‘You’re as bad as he is.’ ‘What?’ yelped James. ‘I’d NEVER call you a – you-know-what!’

This also proves that James is sure he's doing everything right. James is like a volunteer in the allies' army against the fascists, a brave Gryffindor, and his sword is to cast spells on anyone he deems not fitting his moral standards.

‘Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you’ve just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I’m surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK.’

And from the outside, it looked like this.

‘What is it with her?’ said James, trying and failing to look as though this was a throwaway question of no real importance to him. 

‘Reading between the lines, I’d say she thinks you’re a bit conceited, mate,’ said Sirius.

And Sirius understands it all too well. Who he is, who James is, and what Lily thinks about it all. Sirius knows about James's crush on Lily and finds it even funny that she rejects him. Likely because Sirius understands that they often cross the line. I don’t think Sirius could have stopped Potter. I don't even think Sirius wanted to stop Potter. He found it all funny. Azkaban, on the other hand, softened Sirius in his interactions with others. It knocked down his pride and arrogance. Showed him that life can be unfair and you don't need to act like a haughty jerk who thinks the world revolves around them.

At school, Sirius was more about psychological bullying, while James was about the physical. Given that James and Sirius were very popular at school and within their house, their bullying was likely directed mostly at Slytherins or at arrogant jerks like themselves who they just "didn't like."

And the adult Sirius understands that they were “arrogant little berks.” And he’s “not proud of it,” but his next words speak for themselves:

“ I think James was everything Snape wanted to be – he was popular, he was good at Quidditch – good at pretty much everything. And Snape was just this little oddball who was up to his eyes in the Dark Arts, and James – whatever else he may have appeared to you, Harry – always hated the Dark Arts.”

Sirius justifies James while simultaneously praising him. Justifications always imply a partial denial of guilt. Someone fully aware of their guilt doesn’t seek to justify or be justified. Of course, Sirius said this for Harry's sake too. To ensure Harry didn’t think his father was just a bully for no reason. His father was actually “on the side of good,” is what Sirius wants to convey. About himself, he remains silent. But he doesn't miss the chance to insult Snape again “little oddball.”

Even Remus, as an adult, sincerely justifies James.

‘She started going out with him in seventh year,’ said Lupin. 

‘Once James had deflated his head a bit,’ said Sirius. ‘And stopped hexing people just for the fun of it,’ said Lupin.

 ‘Even Snape?’ said Harry. ‘Well,’ said Lupin slowly, ‘Snape was a special case. I mean, he never lost an opportunity to curse James so you couldn’t really expect James to take that lying down, could you?’ 

‘And my mum was OK with that?’ 

‘She didn’t know too much about it, to tell you the truth,’ said Sirius. ‘I mean, James didn’t take Snape on dates with her and jinx him in front of her, did he?’

Lupin finds a genuine justification for James. The concept of “violence in any form is bad” isn’t fully grasped by them. They follow an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Lupin even was ready to kill Peter, and he insisted that war is not a playground and that killing is sometimes necessary in war. Remus, though gentler and kinder, and preferring not to engage in conflict, genuinely wished Sirius and James hadn't bullied anyone at school, but yet, he still reconciles with all they do and even justifies James.

In Sirius's mind, James may have acted like a fool, but Sirius doesn’t genuinely condemn it. He just thinks they were too arrogant. And Sirius’s behavior after Azkaban (how he became gentler with others) indicates he truly realized – you don't need to belittle everyone you dislike or even like. Yet, Sirius’s harshness, even after Azkaban, didn’t disappear; it was just redirected towards what he genuinely hates.

‘Professor Snape was at school with us. He fought very hard against my appointment to the Defence Against the Dark Arts job. He has been telling Dumbledore all year that I am not to be trusted. He has his reasons ... you see, Sirius here played a trick on him which nearly killed him, a trick which involved me –’ 

Black made a derisive noise. 

‘It served him right,’ he sneered. ‘Sneaking around, trying to find out what we were up to ... hoping he could get us expelled ...’

Remus's reactions are much softer, but Sirius’s reaction, even years later, is harsh and even a bit cruel. ‘It served him right.’ Because it's an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.

However, Sirius’s harshness still occasionally breaks through even towards his close ones when he slightly loses control over himself after Azkaban.

‘You’re less like your father than I thought,’ he said finally, a definite coolness in his voice. ‘The risk would’ve been what made it fun for James.’ 

‘Well, I’d better get going, I can hear Kreacher coming down the stairs,’ said Sirius, but Harry was sure he was lying. ‘I’ll write to tell you a time I can make it back into the fire, then, shall I? If you can stand to risk it?’

Sirius calls themselves “arrogant little berks,” but the peculiarity of Sirius’s arrogance is that it's due to his personal qualities, not external “glamour”.

 ‘I, a spy for Voldemort? When did I ever sneak around people who were stronger and more powerful than myself? But you, Peter – I’ll never understand why I didn’t see you were the spy from the start. You always liked big friends who’d look after you, didn’t you?’

He despises Peter for groveling, for weakness, for the same reasons he despises Regulus, considering him a soft idiot. Sirius’s arrogance was never built on finances or blood purity, on popularity, on playing Quidditch, not on his name, although the family dynamics undoubtedly influenced his pride. But overall, his arrogance is of a different level – that of a rebellious spirit, a very strong person, not like the Malfoys. Lucius Malfoy is intentionally depicted as the complete opposite of Sirius Black (in character – the most rebellious of their pure-blood circle and the most sycophantic, and in appearance – black and white).

Sirius and Kreacher's story demonstrates that Sirius does not forgive those he hated and can carry hatred through the years. People usually soften over time, but Sirius has an excuse – Azkaban. Nonetheless, the behavioral pattern remains unchanged. Azkaban does not change the essence of people, it makes certain traits more vivid and pronounced. Sirius became calmer towards the people around him who help fight against evil, he toned down his arrogance and pride (even towards Snape, he no longer hurls insults first, it’s Snape who insults Sirius first), but Sirius became even harsher towards those he hates.

‘Sirius was horrible to Kreacher, Harry, and it’s no good looking like that, you know it’s true. I’ve said all along that wizards would pay for how they treat house-elves. Well, Voldemort did ... and so did Sirius.’

Harry had no retort. As he watched Kreacher sobbing on the floor, he remembered what Dumbledore had said to him, mere hours after Sirius’s death: I do not think Sirius ever saw Kreacher as a being with feelings as acute as a human’s ...

And he himself demonstrates this repeatedly:

At which Sirius, ignoring Hermione’s protests, seized Kreacher by the back of his loincloth and threw him bodily from the room.

Dumbledore believes Sirius showed cruelty to Kreacher through his indifference and neglect. That is, Sirius could shut off his empathy towards a being, despite generally being friendly towards house-elves.

‘He (Sirius) regarded him (Kreacher) as a servant unworthy of much interest or notice. Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike… Sirius was not a cruel man, he was kind to house-elves in general. He had no love for Kreacher, because Kreacher was a living reminder of the home Sirius had hated.’

Sirius was not evil. But the neglect emanating from him was very cruel, harsh, and cold. Sirius can shut away all the good within him towards anyone he despised – “And whatever Kreacher’s faults, it must be admitted that Sirius did nothing to make Kreacher’s lot easier –”

‘– comes back from Azkaban ordering Kreacher around, oh, my poor mistress, what would she say if she saw the house now, scum living in it, her treasures thrown out, she swore he was no son of hers and he’s back, they say he’s a murderer too –’

‘Keep muttering and I will be a murderer!’ said Sirius irritably as he slammed the door shut on the elf.

However, Sirius likely never killed anyone, even while serving in the "Order."

Regarding his family and even Regulus, Sirius is also harsh. Even if he, like any child, deep down loved his family, it doesn’t matter because his real words and actions are very harsh and aimed at severing ties. The possible love for them deep down only further highlights his harshness and readiness for confrontation.

“I hated the whole lot of them: my parents, with their pure-blood mania, convinced that to be a Black made you practically royal ... my idiot brother, soft enough to believe them”

Likely, he’s ashamed of them, and his hatred also builds a wall between them and himself.

‘Does it matter if she’s my cousin?’ snapped Sirius. ‘As far as I’m concerned, they’re not my family. She’s certainly not my family. I haven’t seen her since I was your age, unless you count a glimpse of her coming into Azkaban. D’you think I’m proud of having a relative like her?’

And at the same time Dumbledore about James:

‘I knew your father very well, both at Hogwarts and later, Harry,’ he said gently. ‘He would have saved Pettigrew too, I am sure of it.’

I don’t know how true this is (though likely, the author speaks through Dumbledore here), but considering that Harry himself is a character whose main traits include the ability to understand and forgive others, perhaps James had this to some extent too. But Sirius lacks the ability to forgive, and this is deliberately shown in the book – that he suffered precisely because of his excessive harshness.

In conclusion, Sirius's harshness and toughness is not just teenage arrogance; it's directly a trait of his personality, something that cannot be overlooked when talking about the canonical Sirius, not his sugar-coated substitute in fandom. Sirius had to grow up very early, and all this left its mark on him.

Of all the Marauders, only Sirius is really harsh and can be truly dangerous.

But Sirius was not cruel in a moral-ethical sense, or more precisely – ideologically. There's no reason to believe Sirius is constantly drawn to the dark side or that he's amoral. His constant fight against his family suggests instead that he formed high ideals within himself. No, Sirius is not amoral; he has difficulty with empathy (especially in childhood), a tendency towards aggression and cruelty (mostly in childhood, he controls himself quite well as an adult. Well, for Sirius Black quite well), arrogance, but he very well understands what is right and what is wrong.

‘She’s got the measure of Crouch better than you have, Ron. If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.’

[ninyard]

please can you explain what kevins part of the deal wth andrew is because ive never really understood it and i feel like you probably get it

Okay. So. (tw; brief sh/suicide mention)

My understanding of Kevin and Andrew’s deal in the best way i can possibly explain it and HOPEFULLY i saw what i mean and it makes sense:

TLDR: Kevin promised to give him purpose, and Andrew’s waiting to see if that’s even possible.

There’s this part in TRK where Kevin tells Neil about their deal -

I’ve seen a few posts about Andrew’s mental health recently - about how Andrew wanted to recover, how he wanted to survive.

I think it’s hard to imagine Kevin and Andrew’s relationship sometimes because we see so little of it aside from Kevin keeping his pills, but there’s this;

I think it was Andrew who told him this. Andrew told Kevin that without his drugs he was destructive and joyless, in whatever context it was mentioned in. He told Kevin he had no ambition for life. (or because Neil says he tried to “remember her exact words” he talked to her? Read the files? But what are the chances of that?) I like to think that early on before they’d made their deal, Kevin asked him about his meds and Andrew told him. I think he’s quoting Andrew, who quoted his counsellor.

We know Andrew was struggling with self-harm. I know when Neil described Andrew’s scars as “up and down” his arm, it most likely means in a literal sense - from the top to the bottom of his forearm, but coupled with this;

I wonder if Andrew’s depression led him to have a closer relationship with suicide than we think. He had 12 psychiatrists before Bee. What are the chances that all of them are from after Cass? (ie Andrew’s mental health journey started before her)

STICK WITH ME HERE.

Regardless of who told him what, I think a part of Kevin saw that Andrew having no purpose was dangerous. I think Andrew himself worried that without his meds he’d fall back into this rabbit hole of having nothing to live for, having no purpose, having no point to continue living. And Andrew wanted to survive. Any excuse to live was worth it. Even if he didn’t believe in it himself, even if he saw it was pointless - leaving us with:

Going back to that first quote “he’s waiting to see if I can keep it.” If it’s even possible. It’s like finding tiny reasons to stay alive when you’re suicidal - I can’t kill myself because my favourite band might release new music. I can’t kill myself because my favourite tv show was cancelled, but there’s a chance it might come back. I’ll never hear my favourite person laugh again, I’ll never see the sunset again, there a chance that I’ll miss being an uncle, or I might miss my brothers wedding, or I might miss the invention of something life changing. My favourite band that broke up might get back together again - it’s unlikely, but I have to stay alive just in case.

Exy might be my purpose, and even if I don’t believe it, I still need something to live for.

So Kevin gave him something to live for. He believes in him.

Kevin was the first person to see any worth in Andrew - maybe since Cass, maybe ever - and Andrew knew that.

So Andrew gave Kevin his game; even if he won’t play with Kevin because he thinks it’s funny or whatever.

When Kevin came to PSU, he needed a reason to stay, something that would make transferring to the team worth it. And he knew Andrew was worth it. He knew how Andrew could play, how he should be court. Sure, David was there, but Kevin stayed because of Andrew. Andrew offered him protection, and then gave Kevin a reason to believe in the foxes. Every other player might’ve been dog shit and not worth a second of Kevin’s time, not worth his talent, not worth investing in.

But Andrew was.

Andrew could be court.

If Andrew promised Kevin he would allow him to give him purpose in Exy, then that gave Kevin reason to stay. Does that make sense? Kevin wouldn’t have stayed infthe Foxes were actually the worst team in the league. But with Andrew there, they weren’t, and that was reason enough to stay.

Kevin sees Andrew’s worth - he sees what he can do to keep Andrew going, so when Kevin says “he’s waiting to see if I can keep it,” I think it’s Andrew waiting to see if he’s right. Can he actually give me a career out of this? A life out of this? Maybe it’s a lack of self worth on Andrew’s part. He clearly doesn’t care about how good he is. But does he know? Does he even believe it?

So he’s waiting for Kevin to keep his promise. To prove that he’s good enough. To prove that Exy can realistically actually be his purpose.

But Andrew both believes and doesn’t believe that that’ll ever happen. He’s a walking contradiction. On the one hand he says out loud, “im waiting for Kevin to give up,” but I don’t think he means: im fucking with him and don’t believe him. I think he means: im waiting for him to finally see in me what I see in me, which is somebody who isn’t worth it. It comes from a place of self doubt/lack of self worth. It comes from a place of not believing he actually has anything to live for. It comes from that self destructive instinct that he has.

Andrew wants to survive, but he doesn’t believe that he can.

Andrew’s deal with Kevin: I’ll keep you safe and give you a reason to stay*

Kevin’s deal with Andrew: I’ll give you purpose and something to live for*

*but neither of these things can exist without the other. Kevin won’t stay if Andrew doesn’t see that he’s good enough for Exy to be his purpose, if he doesn’t let Kevin prove he was right by believing in him. If he doesn’t, then Kevin can’t give him something to live for.

Kevin promised to give him purpose, and Andrew’s waiting to see if that’s even possible.

Does uh. That make sense?

[anonymousewrites]

Nature of the Human Soul (Book 1) Chapter Fourteen

Platonic! Hazbin Hotel x Teen! Reader

Father Figure! Alastor x Teen! Reader

Chapter Fourteen: Show Goes On

Summary: The Hotel rebuilds and moves on from the fight.

Mouse Note: Thank you for reading Nature of the Human Soul (Book 1)! I hope you all enjoyed because I loved writing this. I'm so excited for Hazbin Hotel to return because I have a lot of ideas for this series, and I'm excited to continue. But for now, thank you for everything! If you like my writing, please check out my other Father Figure series!

           “Noooo!” screamed Lute as Adam fell. She ran to Adam’s side, and (Y/N) backed off, narrowing their eyes in case she tried anything. “Sir! Stay with me, sir! Adam!” He was gone.

           “It’s over,” said Charlie, holding Vaggie to her side protectively.

           Lucifer loomed over Lute, and her eyes widened in fright. “Take your little friends and go home! Please.”

           Lute narrowed her eyes and picked up Adam’s halo. Furious at having no other choice, she glared at the demons before calling out to the exorcists. “Retreat. All exorcists fall back.”

           The angels rose into the air, fleeing back through the portal to heaven.

           Lucifer, pleased, turned to the hotel group. “So…who’s up for pancakes?”

           Everyone, bloody and tired, stared at him.

l

            “Good evening, I’m Katie Killjoy,” said the news report later that night.

            “And I’m—”

            “No one gives a shit who you are, Tom,” said Katie. “Breaking news: extermination day is canceled! Charlie Morningstar managed to fend off the angelic attack with more than just nice words. In an unseen turn of events, our demonic head honcho Lucifer stepped in to save his daughter’s ass in the last moment. We’re also hearing reports that Adam, leader of the Angelic Legions, first man, and totally fuckable bad boy, has been slain by a filthy gardening demon or some shit like that. The kid said, quote, ‘I hate cameras, and TV here sucks, go away’ before threatening our crew! What an asshole! Anyway, congrats to Charlie and her crew for not being totally fucking useless for once.”

l

            Charlie held Keekee as she looked over the rubble that used to be the Hazbin Hotel. They’d lost so much, so many people. “Oh, there, there, it’s…” She sighed. “It’s okay.” She tried to believe it herself, but it was difficult.

            Angel smiled at her as he held Fat Nuggets. Charlie managed to smile back and took a step towards him. She found herself in front of the “Happy First Week!” sign she’d made for Pentious. Her heart ached at his loss. Vaggie put her hands on Charlie’s shoulders comfortingly.

(Charlie) “He did it for us, The ultimate sacrifice. He gave me his trust, And look how we pay the prince.”

            Tears gathered in her eyes. She had failed her friends. Because she hadn’t been strong enough, they had gotten hurt, killed.

(Charlie) “This bloodshed could have been avoided, If I convinced heaven to work together. I took a hotel, and I destroyed it, I know I could have done better, better, Instead of letting you down.”

            Lucifer put a hand on his daughter’s shoulder and smiled at her.

(Lucifer) “Come on little lady, why the frown? In the last ten thousand years, you’re the first one to change this town, You can do this, Now I know it, For your story has just begun, You can’t quit now, Hell, you owe it, There’s still damage to be undone, You’ve changed my mind, You’ve touched their hearts.”

            Charlie looked around as her friends approached with a smile.

(Lucifer) “Found the good in souls gone bad, The stage is wrecked, the crowd is gone, But by God Charlie, The show it must go on!”

            Her friends gathered around Charlie.

(Vaggie, Cherri, (Y/N), Angel, Husk, Niffty) “We can do this, We can build it! Best hotel that you’ve ever seen! Twice the bedrooms, We can fill it!” (Lucifer) “With more sinners than you can dream!” (Lucifer and Vaggie) “It starts with you!” (Vaggie, Cherri, (Y/N), Lucifer, Angel, Husk, Niffty) “You know it’s true, Fulfill your destiny!”

            They reached out their hands. Wiping her tears and smiling, Charlie stood and took her father’s hand as the group came together for a hug.

(Charlie) “So long as I’ve got all of you with me!”

            And so, the cleanup and work began. It was tough going, but everyone pitched in, and the hotel began to come together better than before.

(Niffty) “To build a hotel, I think we need some brick and lumber!” (Lucifer) “Good thing we’re in Hell, check out this little magic number.”

            He snapped his fingers, and the supplies appeared.

(Angel) “Start with foundation.” (Lucifer) “A remedial creation for me.”

            The foundation came together in a single spell.

(Niffty, Angel, Lucifer) “It’s as easy as can be!”

            Soon, the hotel was getting decorated, rooms ready to be stayed in.

(Charlie) “No time for cryin’, We got a lot of work to do and, We gotta try and make the best of what’s in ruins.” (Vaggie) “New coat of paint!” (Husk) “New lights across the marquee!” ((Y/N)) “With a little sorcery!”

            They waved a hand, and plants grew up around the hotel, decorating it with nature amongst the barren city that Pride usually was.

            Finally, the hotel was put back together, with a statue of Dazzle outside. Charlie smiled at the painting of Pentious and the Egg Bois going up in the foyer to honor his memory. The memories of who they lost would never be forgotten as a new era of the Hazbin Hotel approached.

(All) “We can do this!” (Charlie) “We can do this!” (All) “We’ll be better!” (Charlie) “We’ll be better!” (All) “Though redemption may take a while.” (Charlie) “Though it may take a while.” (All) “Wayward sinners, clear their ledger!”

            They came together for a hug, and a familiar face popped out of the shadows.

(Alastor) “And we’re doing it with a smile!”

            (Y/N) grinned. He was healed and back with them. He had survived, too.

(Charlie) “We’ll make a difference, wait and see.” (Charlie and Vaggie) “We’re gonna do this, you and me.” (All) “And then tomorrow it will be, A fuckin’ happy day in Hell!”

            The Hazbin Hotel was open for business.

l

            (Y/N) walked through the hotel to the new wing dedicated to Alastor’s broadcasts. Obviously, it was placed on the opposite side from Lucifer’s apple-themed wing. They paused at the door of the radio and knocked.

            “Alastor?” they called out.

            The door was opened by a shadow, and (Y/N) stepped inside. Alastor was standing over the controls of the new radio, examining everything.

            “Do you like it?” asked (Y/N), slightly nervous.

           Yes, they had faced Adam, but this was…different. It was a different type of encounter. With a fight, (Y/N) knew what it felt like to suffer, to go through pain, so they could handle that. With friendship, (Y/N) had very little experience, so they weren’t sure how to deal with it.

           Alastor turned to face them. “It seems Charlie did a good job ensuring this was up to my standards. My broadcasts will be quality, as usual.”

           “Charlie didn’t make it. Well, she helped, but I, uh, I did it,” said (Y/N).

           Alastor paused, and his grin, unbidden, widened. “You did?”

           (Y/N) nodded. “I saw your tower was affected when Adam hurt you, so when we rebuilt the hotel, I made sure there was something for you to come back to.”

           “I hadn’t expected to have a broadcast tower at the hotel,” said Alastor.

           “Do you like it?” asked (Y/N).

           “I do,” said Alastor honestly.

           (Y/N) brightened. “I’m glad! And I’m glad you’re alright. Adam did a lot of damage to the hotel, killed Pentious, and hurt you pretty badly.”

           “It will take more than that to kill the Radio Demon,” said Alastor, but the unfortunate truth was that he had nearly died.

           “I faced him,” said (Y/N) suddenly.

           Alastor paused. “Oh?”

           “Yeah, I fought Adam. It didn’t go that well for me, either.” They grinned at him. “But I killed him. In the end, I killed him.” They stood proud in their strength and determination. Yes, (Y/N) had nearly fallen to Adam and Lucifer had really defeated him, but dealing the killing blow had given (Y/N) so much satisfaction.

           Alastor looked at (Y/N), and he cursed every part of him that still had some humanity since he felt something as they smiled at him. It wasn’t what he felt when Rosie laughed alongside him and teased him, but it held a familiar warmth. Although he had begun by seeing something in (Y/N) that reminded him of himself from oh-so long ago, Alastor couldn’t help but look at (Y/N) and just see them, now. It wasn’t them being like him, even if it still began there, but it was more.

           “I wouldn’t expect anything less of my protégé,” said Alastor, unable to keep the fondness completely out of his voice.

           Alastor was falling victim to all of the weaknesses he wanted to eliminate within himself.

           And (Y/N)? Well, the Nature Demon stood tall. They were growing into all the strength they had ever wished for.

Taglist:

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@lunalixya

@rl800

@crystal-freak24

[gilverrwrites]

Harbinger

Godstiel/Reader, ≈600 words

AN: I've had a few requests for more Castiel/Reader, and this is probably not what youse had in mind, but I recently watched season 7 and, well, I had to write this.

Despite all evidence to the contrary, you'd never doubted Castiel and his intentions. Until now. Rating: 18+

CWs: Religious themes, bible quotes, dub-con, self-hate.

Please remember: Self love isn't selfish.

“It is I, be not afraid.”

“Cas?”

When Castiel had approached you, requesting to touch your soul, asking you to put your life on the line to help him fight an angelic war you had no part in, you’d complied, without hesitation. He had saved you countless times, rebelled when it would have benefited him not to. He was one of the good ones. Even as you’d laid beneath him, vulnerable, and in the worst pain imaginable, you’d thought; it was the least you could do.  

When Bobby and the boys had begun to doubt his intentions, his motives, when they’d begun to suspect he was working with Crowley, you’d defended him. Perhaps those things were true, but he’d given you enough titbits to believe his intentions were good, that he would prevail. If he loses the war, who knows what repercussions might befall you, your friends, your family, all of humanity. You were sure his motives were just.

When you’d seen the massacres in the papers, and on the news, your dedication still didn’t falter. Sure, those people were not the creatures you’d become accustomed to killing, but what were racists, homophobes, and corrupt politicians, if not monsters by another name?

But now, as he stood before you, red and decaying; malformed, your faith wavered. If the power he held was truly meant for good, why was it destroying him?

“I am the Lord, your God.” He corrects you. His voice is as cold and unfeeling as it had been the day you met. All the warmth and curiosity he’d developed, the traits you’d come to appreciate and associate with him were gone. You’d helped him win the war, but at what cost? “Bow down and profess your love unto me.”

Despite your doubts, you fall to your knees. If he could execute offices, churches, and towns full of people with the click of a finger, what could he do to you? Unable to look at the rot on his skin, unsure if a mortal such as yourself should, you fix your gaze on his shoes as they drag along the carpet until he stands before you.

“I sense your uncertainty.” He places a hand on your forehead, it is clammy and damp, entirely unpleasant, yet it still sends a thrill through your body, sparking conflict between the fearful pit in your stomach and the salacious heat growing between your legs. “But I know that your love for me will control you. Your devotion has proved this thus far.”

Your heart pounds as he trails a single finger down the centre of your face, ghosting past your nose, before pressing to your lips, ensuring your silence as he continues.

“Free me.”

A spark of hope thrums through your body, without thinking you look to his face, hoping to see the face of your friend looking back, one who has come to you for help, for freedom from power that is clearly corroding him from the inside out. Instead, you are greeted by a being high on their own might. A smile that is enjoying your obedience, eyes that watch you with idle lust, and you know the true intent of his command.

Hope vanquished, you let your head fall once more, but Castiel catches you with the same finger he had pressed to your lips, aligning your face with his crotch. Free him.

You’d enabled this to happen, the harbinger of mutual destruction.

Clearly still sensing your dismay, seeing how your hands shake as you reach for him, he whispers what he likely thinks is solace, provocation.

“Your most important identity is not by your name, but you being loved by me.”

Request Info || Prompts || Masterlist || Ko-Fi

[mayflora-18]

Incorrect CoD Quotes #8

*Soap grabs a balloon filled with helium and inhales*

Price: Oh god not again!

Soap: HOW Are unicorns fake but a giraffe is real!?

Ghost: WHAT?

Soap: Like, what’s more believable?

Gaz: Where are you going with this?

Soap: A horse with a horn *aggressively claps on “horn”* ORRRRR a leopard moose camel with a 40 foot NECK?

Sherlock: I work with idiots 😑

———

Ghost: Does anyone else think…

Soap: That’s dangerous.

Ghost: That some people… just need a high five…

Price: That’s nice, Simon.

Ghost: In the head…

Roach: Yassss

Ghost: With a chair?

Gaz: Why are you like this?

———

Ghost: Okay, what does A stand for?

Roach: Arson.

Ghost: Aww you’re so good.

Soap: Okay B. What does B stand for?

Roach: Barson.

*Soap laughs*

Gaz: What stands for C?

Roach: Commit arson.

Ghost: Ooooooh!

Price: D!?

*Roach looks at Price and smiles*

Price, thinking: Please be normal.

Roach: Don’t come near me… I’m going to commit ARSON!!!!

*everyone else laughs*

Price, sarcastic: I raised him real well.

———

Sherlock: How did you take down Captain America?

Ghost, using a terrible German accent: Ve shot him in ze legs because his shield is ze size of a dinner plate.

König, overhears Ghost: …Fick dich🖕(“Fuck you” in German)

———

Ghost: Umm, do you have a pencil by any chance?

Rudy: No, but I have a knife…

Ghost: What-what?

Rudy: And I know how to cut a bitch… *whispers* Try me

———

*Rudy cooking in the kitchen*

Alejandro, walking in: Hey mi amor?

Rudy: ahuh?

Alejandro: If somebody told you they’d give you a million dollars for knocking me out, what would you do?

*Rudy immediately slaps Alejandro with a frying pan*

Rudy: Where’s my money?

Alejandro, on the floor: 😵‍💫

———

Roach, singing for Sherlock: Somebody come get her, she’s fucking up my dinner~

*Sherlock throws a plate at Roach and he falls down*

Sherlock, singing for Roach: Somebody come get him, before I fucking end him!~

———

Nikolai: There’s a spider!

Laswell: So what do you me to do?!

Nikolai: KILL IT!

Laswell: YOU SAW IT FIRST!

Nikolai: YOU KILL IT!

Laswell: You’re the man!!

Nikolai: Since when?!

———

Stupid-drunk!Roach to Sherlock: You so crazy… I think I wanna have your babies.

Sherlock: 😐

Gaz, thinking: I don’t know if I should be confused or just jealous.

Soap, just confused: How would that even work?

Ghost : I think it’s time for you to go to sleep, Roach.

———

Sherlock: Listen. Am I the most attractive person in the world?

Soap: Is this a trick question?

Sherlock: No. But do I have a great personality?

Price: *face palms*

Sherlock: Also no. But do I wake up every morning and try to be the best person I can be?

Ghost, has only heard the first half of this bit before: I actually don’t know this one…

Sherlock: No.

Nikolai: …Sweetie, did Ghost get to you?

———

Price : Repeat after me: I can do this!

Nikolai: I can do this.

Price: I’m ready to burn some calories!

Nikolai: I’m ready to burn some calories.

Price: I’m done eating fast food and drinking alcohol.

Nikolai: …I’m ready to burn some calories.

Price: Alright, let’s get started!

———

Soap, Gaz, Ghost: Ahhh

Soap: We’re d-d-d driving in a-

Gaz: Car! Destination drug dealer’s-

Ghost: Bar! Pass the mic over to Price-!

Soap: Shit, we forgot Price.

Ghost: …But we can’t turn back because we’ve too far!

Gaz: We have to turn back, though. We can’t leave him.

———

Alejandro: You eat so fucking gross, Graves. Do you eat like that on dates?

Graves, cheeks puffed up with meatballs and marinara sauce on his face: …I don’t go on dates.

Alejandro: Exactly. There’s a reason why no one takes you on dates.

Graves: Well damn! Who hurt you today?

Alejandro: Bitch nobody.

———

Graves: Hey, Sergeant. …Soap.

Soap: What?

Graves: *hands Soap a coffee cup* Try this coffee and tell me what it tastes like.

Soap: *takes the cup and gives it a sip* Hazelnut?

Graves: I don’t know, I found it in the garbage.

*Soap tries to spit it out*

———

Gaz: Nikolai, what’s wrong with Sherlock? She seems angry.

Nikolai: She’s totally fine.

Gaz: Okay? Well, where’s Graves?

Sherlock, walking into the room: Maybe he got sick… or went missing… OR GOT HIT BY A BUS!!

Gaz: 🙊

*Sherlock leaves the room*

Gaz: Totally fine, huh?

Nikolai: Yeah… Totally fine.

———

Nikolai: So, the man that tried to kill you - what did he look like?

Sherlock: He was so hot. It was crazy.

Price: O-ok. But what did he look like?

Sherlock: I mean where should I start? Uh, he was tall, you know, maybe 6’3” or 6”4”? Uh absolutely just jaaacked! But not like scary-body-builder jacked. Like, he was ripped but he still had a soft touch. You could totally fall asleep in his arms.

Price: Alright what did his face look like??

Sherlock: Well- uh- y’know Brad Pitt?

Price: Yeah?

Sherlock: Forget Brad Pitt. This guy was hotter.

Nikolai: Hotter than Brad Pitt??

Sherlock: Hotter than Bradley Joseph Pitt.

Soap: That’s crazy!

Sherlock: I would pay money to gaze into those eyes again.

Gaz: Even after he tried to kill you?

Sherlock: I almost wish he’d stabbed me to death and took his time doing it just so the last thing I saw could’ve been those ocean blue eyes.

Ghost: I’m getting a little hot just off your description so I can only imagine how it felt to be there!

Sherlock: Insane.

Gaz: Gosh I can’t believe he was hotter than Brad Pitt.

Ghost: Hey, what did she say about Brad Pitt?

Gaz: Oh, shoot! I-I-I-I I’m sorry!

Soap: Yeah, forget Brad Pitt!

Gaz: Done! Forgotten! Who is he?

Ghost: He doesn’t exist.

Soap: He’s gone.

Gaz: Bradley David Pitt is no more.

Sherlock: Good!

Price and Nikolai: 😑

(Note: Sorry there was no post yesterday! There will be more later, promise!)

[hollowed-theory-hall]

do you have thoughts on ariana dumbledore?

Like about her character or about her situation?

Because we don't really know Ariana as a person at all. So, I can't really analyze her. I can have thoughts about her situation and what was going on with her magic.

I should note I don't consider anything about Obscurials from the Fantastic Beasts canon. I think it's a retcon and I don't like it. I mean, you’re telling me Obscurials are created when wizards bottle up their magic and then say Harry "cupboard under the stairs" Potter didn't become one? I don't buy it.

So, let's take a look at the tragedy that is Ariana Dumbledore's existence:

So, the information about Ariana is quite scarce when looking just at the books. And most sources are unreliable. Rita Skeeter lies more often than not. Elphias Doge thinks the sun shines out of Albus Dumbledore's ass. Aunt Muriel just wants mean gossip. Then there are the brothers, Albus and Aboforth, Albus with their own biases and agendas, leaving Abeforth as the best source about Ariana (even if he has his own biases).

But, limited information is when theorizing is the most fun.

I don't think she was an Obscurial

As I mentioned above I don't believe Obscurials are a thing in the Wizarding World of the books. The main reason I mentioned above is Harry. We know Harry, Tom, Snape, and Merope were all mistreated heavily as children and none of them become an Obscurial. Harry says so himself:

Numbly Harry thought of how the Dursleys had once shut him up, locked him away, kept him out of sight, all for the crime of being a wizard. Had Dumbledore’s sister suffered the same fate in reverse: imprisoned for her lack of magic? Had Dumbledore truly left her to her fate while he went off to Hogwarts to prove himself brilliant and talented?

(DH, page 137)

Harry was raised to not use his magic. To bottle it up and not use it, and yet, neither he nor any other wizard with similar circumstances became an Obscurial. It's weird that Obscurials could exist and we never heard of such creatures in the books themselves. If they did exist, I would assume muggleborns and muggle-raised wizards would be watched more closely for how dangerous they could be. Personally, I don't think Obscurials exist at all. It doesn't make sense within the universe we know.

So what was going on with Ariana?

“When my sister was six years old, she was attacked, by three Muggle boys. They’d seen her doing magic, spying through the back garden hedge: She was a kid, she couldn’t control it, no witch or wizard can at that age. What they saw, scared them, I expect. They forced their way through the hedge, and when she couldn’t show them the trick, they got a bit carried away trying to stop the little freak doing it.”

....

“It destroyed her, what they did: She was never right again. She wouldn’t use magic, but she couldn’t get rid of it; it turned inward and drove her mad, it exploded out of her when she couldn’t control it, and at times she was strange and dangerous. But mostly she was sweet and scared and harmless.

(DH, page 479)

These are two quotes from Aboforth about what happened to Ariana and how her magic responded. That same magic that eventually killed their mother, Kendra.

Now, we don't really know what these muggle boys did. It could have been sexual assault, even if Ariana was only 6 (as gross and horrifying as it is), it could've been they beat her up badly, we don't know. Whatever it was, it was incredibly traumatic to both her body and mind.

I wrote about how magic is very connected to a wizard's or witch's intentions and emotions and I believe that is the key to understanding what happened with Ariana. We also know, that when a witch or wizard is hurt, their magic will attempt to heal them. We also know from Harry and Neville that a child's magic will try to keep them out of harm's way when they can't control it yet:

Great Uncle Algie came round for dinner, and he was hanging me out of an upstairs window by the ankles when my Great Auntie Enid offered him a meringue and he accidentally let go. But I bounced — all the way down the garden and into the road. 

(PS, page 91)

Dudley’s gang had been chasing him as usual when, as much to Harry’s surprise as anyone else’s, there he was sitting on the chimney.

(PS, page 21)

So, I wondered, what would happen if a magical child got so traumatized they were stuck in a fight or flight state? What if they feel under threat constantly? Well, I'd expect their magic to act up, as it always does when a young witch or wizard is under threat.

Basically, what I think is going on with Ariana's magic is kind of like a muggle allergy. Her magic (white blood cells, essentially) that wants to protect her and heal her, registers everything and everyone, even Ariana herself, as a threat it needs to fight. So it lashes out unpredictably like any child's accidental magic when under threat.

And the descriptions from Aboforth really sound like a child's accidental magic trying to keep the child safe by going highwire. I think she actually was sickly. I can't imagine her magic left her completely unharmed. It was also likely exhausting to constantly have her magic stretched thin trying to protect her from a threat that wasn't really there.

And we know this instability of her magic is why she was never let out of her mother's sight:

“—to permit her to leave the house?” cackled Muriel. “And yet she was never taken to St. Mungo’s and no Healer was ever summoned to see her!” “Really, Muriel, how can you possibly know whether—“ “For your information, Elphias, my cousin Lancelot was a Healer at St. Mungo’s at the time, and he told my family in strictest confidence that Ariana had never been seen there. All most suspicious, Lancelot thought!”

(DH, page 137)

because the Ministry had known what Ariana had become, she’d have been locked up in St. Mungo’s for good. They’d have seen her as a serious threat to the International Statute of Secrecy, unbalanced like she was, with magic exploding out of her at moments when she couldn’t keep it in any longer.

(DH, page 479)

They hid her from everyone. From Bathilda, any other neighbors, and from St. Mongos. And they were right to be concerned about what the ministry would do if they knew about Ariana. She was a danger to herself and the people around her, not because she meant to be. Because she was a young, traumatized witch whose magic kept trying to protect her when the threat was long gone.

[mjrtaurus]

Dragodile but it’s “All I Ever Known” from Hadestown (which is?? Probably my favourite song from the musical idk don’t quote me the soundtrack is so GOOD.) (I’d imagine this to be during the first run of their relationship, pre-Luffy.)

Crocodile as Eurydice because he’s the jaded one who sees the world as it is. He’s angry at the world and a little scared at what it can still do and take from him but..Dragon brings out something else. It’s like known the sun exists and then finally one day, feeling its warmth and light on you. It’s a feeling he doesn’t want to let go ever. It was indescribable, how long had he been so cold and never realized? Maybe it became his norm and he just stopped noticing. Regardless, he didn’t want to go back.

Dragon as Orpheus for being the dreamer, the one who sees the world for what it could be. He didn’t really believe in past lives but he must have done something good to have someone so extraordinary want to be by his side. He might not deserve in the grand scheme of things but he’ll be damned to let an opportunity of happiness like this slip through his fingers, not when he held his world in them so tenderly.

The last lines is their promise to one another, sealed tenderly with a kiss.

A promise neither of them knew they’d end up splintering to pieces.

Dhshshaisj As old Hermes said, it’s a tragedy.

But an alternative that I find interesting: in the beginning, it was Crocodile who was the dreamer, and Dragon who is the cynic.

Crocodile who is holding on to dreams because after the failed attack and the shipwreck, they are all he has left. He wants to be great. He wants to be the King. His heart, battered and bruised and broken, is still set on it.

And it’s the falling out with Dragon after Luffy’s birth that kills those dreams…

You have Dragon, who can no longer go home, who misses his family, who has seen too much, who has blood on his hands, who has left everything behind… in those early days of the Revolution, he was angry. More fire than blood flowing through his veins, and it was burning him up from the inside out.

And then he meets this man who- despite his losses- has kept his eyes on the horizon, and a dream in his heart.

And then it all slips through his fingers.

But… better days will come. They have to.

He just wonders when their roles reversed… when had he become the dreamer, and Crocodile the cynic? What had life done to them?

Even decades estranged, they still long. They still yearn. There’s a hole in their hearts shaped like the other’s. No one else will ever do.

[necrotic-nephilim]

TimCass - "What is this 'mercy' you speak of?"

(not cassie)

send a ship and a quote and i'll write a short fic!

TimCass my beloved. this is 1.5k of just. mostly emotional whump with brainwashing involved. very inspired by that time in canon where Cass was working with Slade, but. done my way bc that arc was a shitshow. enjoy <3

Two months, three weeks, and five days.

That was how long they’d been looking for Cass since she vanished with no trace.

And now that Tim had found her, he was almost starting to regret it.

Any fight with Cass was a losing one, but Tim swore she was even more brutal than before. It wasn't like fighting a human. She was a living weapon, throwing knives at Tim and dodging every blow he tried to land on her.

He wasn't fighting to win. He was fighting to just stay alive.

“Cass-” Tim tried to say, dodging a slash from one of her katanas. She was duel wielding with perfect precision. Moves Tim didn't know normal humans were capable of. “Cass, it's me!” His bo staff stopped another attack. “You know me, it's Tim!”

If she recognized him, she didn't let on. The blankness of her stare made Tim guess she didn't. It twisted knots in his stomach, trying to figure out where the hell she had been.

Who had gotten to her.

Cass didn't say a word. Nothing Tim said could get so much of a reaction out of her. It was as if she didn't hear him at all.

He should've brought backup. Tim didn't think this lead would pan out, after so many false starts. And now, he paid for it. Backed in a corner, deep in the woods that surrounded Gotham where his tracker had no signal.

Tim was pretty sure this was a trap he’d walked right into.

Cass swung with a katana again, but this time, it was just a distraction. She kicked out Tim’s feet. The moment Tim’s back hit the ground and the wind got knocked out of him, a katana plunged into his shoulder. It went straight through to nail him to the ground, like a pinned butterfly.

Tim wasn't ashamed of his scream. The pain was indescribable. Blindly distracting. He had to force himself to not panic. Cass already had a knife in her hand.

“You’re not a killer, Cass,” Tim begged, trying anything to get through to her. “I want to help you. Please don't do this.” He tried to reach up to her. Cass threw her knife and Tim’s hand got pinned to the ground too, the blade slicing through his skin and muscles like paper.

This time, he managed to not scream.

Cass stared down at him with nothing in her eyes. She lifted her other katana.

“Mercy!” Tim was desperate. “Cass, mercy, please. Just let me talk, I swear.”

She paused.

Her face remained blank, but she paused. Tim held his breath, waiting for the katana to come down on his neck.

Cass opened her mouth. “What…” She was talking. Tim prayed that was a good sign. Just the sound of her voice made him want to cry. “What is… this… mercy you speak of?” She struggled on every word. Finally, her faced changed. Eyebrows knit together and mouth formed into the smallest of frowns.

It didn't sound like a mocking question. Her confusion was so genuine Tim wished he could reach up and touch her. Hold her face and tell her it was going to be okay. Cass’ eyes searched Tim’s face for an answer.

“You,” Tim said, blinking back tears. “You’re what mercy is. You don't kill, Cass. You believe everyone deserves to live. That's mercy.”

Cass shook her head. She looked angry for a second, then confused again. Every emotion seemed to be fighting against her for control.

“Weapon.” Cass pointed to herself. “Not mercy.”

“No.” Tim’s voice broke. “You aren't- whoever told you that is lying. You're the kindest person I know. You’re not a weapon.”

Cass was gripping the hilt of her katana so tightly her hand was beginning to shake. “Kind?”

“Yes.” Tim nodded emphatically.

“I don't… know you,” she sounded regretful. There was anger to it, but she seemed angry at herself now instead of Tim.

“Take my mask off,” Tim offered. He couldn't reach up to her, no matter how badly he wanted to. Both his hands were useless with how she pinned him.

There was hesitation. For a second, Tim was convinced she was going to peel his mask off his corpse.

But then Cass slowly knelt next to Tim, knees crunching against the leaves and pine needles on bare ground. She kept her katana in one hand, but her other one reached for Tim’s face. His mask was carefully peeled off, gentle fingers brushing against his skin.

Cass stared at him for a long time. Tim was vaguely aware he was going to bleed out soon, but all he could think about was his reflection in Cass’ sad eyes.

“Don't know you,” Cass repeated softly. He fingers traced over Tim’s face though, and he held perfectly still. “But…”

“But?” Tim proded when she paused for too long.

“I…” Cass pressed her lips together. It was all too familiar, the exact face she always made when she was trying to find her words. “Think I love you.”

Tim was crying now. Tears falling down his cheeks without an ounce of shame.

“Love you too, Cass,” Tim promised. He gave her the strongest smile he could manage. “Let me help you.”

The softness vanished from her face. She violently shook her head, leaning away from Tim.

“No,” Cass’ voice was strong and firm. “You can't.” She yanked her hand off of Tim’s face, as if his skin had burned her.

“If you love me, then trust me,” Tim begged. He wanted to hold her more than he’d ever wanted something in his life.

Cass shook her head. “Weapon. Will hurt you.” Her eyes drifted to Tim's shoulder and hand that were still pouring blood. “Hurt you,” she whispered, eyes going wide.

“I’m okay,” Tim tried to insist. He was lightheaded and fighting to hold onto consciousness. There was no hiding that from her, but Tim wouldn't let Cass blame herself. “You didn't do this. But you have to tell me who you’re working with. They did this, not you, okay?”

“Can’t.” Tears were starting to fall down Cass’ face too. “Orders.”

“They won't hurt you.” Tim blinked hard. He remembered every tactic Bruce taught him for staying conscious. “I’ll keep you safe, I swear on my life.”

Cass’ fingers twitched toward Tim. Unsure and unsteady. “Safe?”

Tim smiled at her as best he could. “Yes. We’ll both be-”

“If you caught something, you better have killed it by now!” A new voice shouted from a short distance. Followed by heavy footsteps.

Cass snatched her hand away from Tim. Her eyes went wide with unmistakable fear. Then her face went completely blank.

When Tim came to, it was on a medical gurney. He snapped awake with a gasp, trying to sit up. Too many machines were hooked up to him.

That voice. Tim knew that voice. If he just stayed conscious long enough to figure out who it was, he could-

“Careful!” Strong, familiar hands gently pushed Tim back down. “You’re going to tear your stitches.” Dick’s face came into focus as Tim blinked, adjusting to the light.

Tim’s head was spinning. He tried to think, grasping for any recent memories. “What happened?”

“We’re hoping you can tell us,” Dick said softly, concern in his eyes. Behind him, Alfred was cleaning up bloody bandages. “Alfred found you bleeding out in the cave. We… christ, Tim. We thought you weren't gonna make it for a second.”

Tim reached for the bandage wrapping his shoulder. Feeling where Cass’ blade had been.

Cass.

“No one else was here?” Tim asked.

Dick’s frown deepened and he shook his head. “The cameras only picked up on you unconscious at the mouth of the cave.”

“It was Cass,” Tim realized. His heart was stuck in his throat. “I found Cass and- she must've brought me here.”

“The cameras would’ve-”

“She would know how to avoid them,” Tim insisted. “I couldn't have gotten here on my own, Dick. I was already half dead.”

Dick’s face just twisted with more concern. Tim could see the hope he was trying hide, though. “Because of Cass?”

“Someone's manipulating her.” Tim couldn’t get the look on her face out of his head.

“Do you know who?”

Tim thought for a moment. That voice. He definitely knew that voice. He nodded. Tim sat up again, slower this time, already thinking of a plan to get Cass back. He promised her.

“Deathstroke.”

He loved her.

[likealittleheartbeat]

One of my most reblogged posts says, “ ATLA asks whether you can actually be friends across these lines if society refuses to be equitable. Friendships and romance depend not on conflict to deepen them but an active peacefulness.” I think a lot of people relate to the post’s critique of the kyriarchy (all those damn interwoven -isms!) and the ways it limits the formation of relationships. It describes how violence shortens lifespans, squashes nuance, and forces people together into exploitative rather than mutual dynamics. It’s easy to read my post as condemning the possibility of real connection across lines of oppression. I think that’s what I believed when I wrote it even. I’ve always had a certain gifted grace when I reread my writing, however, to discover that I’ve left a window of opportunity open. In this case, the window is within a few words in those sentences: “ATLA asks whether you can,” and that word, “active.”

The show doesn’t merely ask, but it answers its questions with that concept of active peacefulness. Wtf does that mean, tho??? Our boi Aang is so notably avoidant as to be a stereotype of his culture within universe. If it were up to him alone at the start of the show, peace would be a completely passive state. But if that were the case, he’d still be in the big ol’ ice cube. It’s Katara and Sokka’s dynamic and conflicted communalism that frees the avatar unto the world again. Katara demonstrates how disagreement and rage need have nadda to do with assault or abandonment. They can be the features of closeness and trust within a healthy growing relationship, peaceful even as they exact major shifts in the world. Sokka’s misogyny isn’t anything to imitate, but its the first instance we see in the series of a relationship strong enough to accept critique, discourse, and change. Just in this first episode, Sokka illustrates receptivity, Katara models productive and honest emotion, and, soon enough, Aang is introduced to spur on the expansion of these healthy communal practices beyond imposed borders, with all of them learning and growing in relation to one another.

This has profound implications for what comes in the finale regarding Azula and Ozai. These two powerhouses depended on order to stabilize their relationships rather than the bitchy discursiveness that constitutes real friendships or the meaningful arguments and compromises that make for a healthy romance. Importantly, neither gets the comeuppance they’d prefer: domination. Instead, they’re forced into relational dynamics. Azula is frozen alongside Katara, while Ozai’s energy is melded with Aang’s. If they are bested, it’s not in the arena of power; it’s in mutuality. They’re forced to be closer to the people they’ve oppressed and abused, held together rather than apart, and they come out of that encounter cowed but uninjured, the way a friend’s censure pains a soul so much worse than an enemy’s assault that cripples or kills. And the show’s not idealistic about the consequences of these symbolic gestures. It imprisons the antagonists, who are still not friends or even allies--only horrific equals who have a long way to go before any kind of trust is possible.

One person knows that long road, though. Zuko. His relationship to the gaang, and most of all Aang, reveals best that friendships across the constructed lines of oppression are possible and, in fact, a model for the most transformative relational dynamics. I’ve gotta block quote Ramzi Fawaz’s shit on friendship in Queer Forms, cuz it’s game-changing in concepts of friendship, and subsequently, why we feel so delightfully charged by Zuko’s ‘redemption,’ as its been called. 

Friendships of the kind I am describing, then, ones that carry the spirit of inventiveness and experimentation described by [Audre] Lorde and [Michel] Foucault, are exceptionally capable of handling conflict, because a genuine equality between the parties (that is nothing like sameness but has to do with two people equally valuing one another) means that both are actively engaged in the construction of the bond. This is why friendship can never function as the application of a rule (you must care for me in this predetermined way as a condition of our speaking) but rather takes shape in the doing of it, as the mutual creation, and continual renegotiation, of shared criteria for dialogue (we will speak, again and again, in order to figure out what conditions best enable our mutual growth). This model of sociality leaves far less space for victims and perpetrators, accusers and accused, because of a sense of mutual involvement, a complicity of the best kind not unlike Lorde’s conception of ‘the erotic’ as a force that animates a shared creation or ‘invention’ of new social forms between two people. It is also a description of the kind of interaction that incites people to change, to relase destructive or oppressive logics like homophobia, sexism, transphobia, and racism, not under ideological duress, shame, or demand, but in the surprising encounter with others who shift the ground beneath one’s feet.

We can see these kind of steadfast and contentious dynamics with lots of pairings as they develop on the show : Toph and Katara, Suki and Sokka, Aang and Teo, Katara and Aang, Mai and Zuko. These relationships go beyond simple alliance. While the empire’s violence might force these people together or apart, its their own abilities to face their differences, stick it out, and build something mutually beneficial (rather than the easier option of antagonistic) that connotes these relationships, even as it forces them to vacate the ideologies they held at the beginning of each episode in order to create more expansive visions of understanding. Zuko’s arc, of course, is the clearest answer atla offers: he goes from a villanous relationship, to a stance of confusion, toward a final state of loyalty and dedicated friendship. 

Relationships are possible within the sphere of violence and across the hierarchical lines the violence has implemented and enforces. Those people in positions of power, upheld by the violence and neglect of others, are actually equals (in the existential sense) to the most marginalized individual, and are therefore capable of all those tenets of humanity--embarrassment, sensitivity, loneliness, evil, empathy, etc. It’s only that the domain of oppressive conflict makes the tensions, betrayals, and metamorphoses that are a necessary part of the best kinds of friendships terrifying because those experiences feel so similar to abuse. In abuse, though, only one person is forced to change. In a reciprocal relationship, everyone is surprised to find they’re not entirely offended that someone else finds them imperfect--and somehow that’s endearing and engenders changes that neither person necessarily even demands. This is active peace: joking, judging, hugging, arguing, confessing, bitching, breaking rules, trusting, dancing, loving within a deeply imperfect world with deeply imperfect people for whom you, nevertheless, still want the best and who seem to want the best for you (which is why you wanted the world to change for the better in the first place).

[imabeautifulbutterfly]

Hey Mimi!

700 ??? I’m so happy to hear that you’ve been getting all the praise for your wonderful mind and writing. I always enjoyed your writing and think you’ve such talent! Thank you for taking the time to set up these little roulettes - I always look forward to sending in a request and reading the others you’ve done! With that, I know you can cook up something fantastic as always. I love how you write Crosshair — especially an imperial!crosshair or do I dare say, purgetrooper!crosshair— and you know, you’re so great at writing Medic!Kave —you can always try an ISB Agent!Kave but whatever you choose you have free range on this one — here are my top favorite quotes….

16. "There is always something left to love." Gabriel García Márquez, One Hundred Years of Solitude

19. ”For you, a thousand times over." - Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner

21. "Anything worth dying for is certainly worth living for." — Joseph Heller, Catch-22

@kavecika Hello love,

Thank you so much for sending in such an awesome request. Sorry for the delay, but I hope I did Kave and the story justice. So I went with Medic!Kave, and Imperial!Crosshair. But it takes place during Season 3 of Bad Batch.

More specifically the latter half.

I hope you enjoy it.

Love oo

Never Give Up

Warnings: Torture, wounds, depression, anger, danger, angst, fluff-ish (if you squint), forehead kiss, I think that's it. If I miss anything, please let me know.

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Kave hated having to walk through the prison cells on Tantiss. 

One there were too many clones, too many that looked like friends that were long gone. Too many that were injured. Too many that looked lost and defeated. Every step she took broke her heart a little more. Yet, if she could offer even a little bit of care, a bit of comfort, then that’s exactly what she’d do. 

Zhellday was the worst day of every week, the new prisoners would’ve arrived at the beginning of the week, which meant they would be sent to Dr. Hemlock, they’d be tortured, experimented on, and driven to the point of madness. 

Now, it was her turn to check on them, which basically meant to see who survived or who was too brain damaged to continue.

It was hard to see clones so broken. 

At least most had survived this time, she opened the last cell to see a very sickly clone, he was quite thin, his head had been shaved, and there was even a burn mark on the right side of his temple, from what she could see. 

She went to her cart pulling out her scanner, good news was that he was still alive, bad news was that his wounds were extensive. She focused back on her cart getting the bacta patches and cleaning solutions she’d need to tend to his wounds. She hadn’t been paying attention to him, when the clone beside her rolled. 

Kave’s heart registered him before her eyes and mind did. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing, as her eyes focused on the crosshair tattoo on his right eye. 

Her eyes welled up with tears as her lips trembled. She reached out her shaky hand to cup his very thin cheek, when she looked at the lines on his face, his sunken appearance, it hit her how difficult things had been for him. Especially when her eyes landed on the burn on the side of his head, her fingers gently trailed along the scar… what had he suffered? What had he endured? 

It didn’t take her long to tend to his wounds, and she knew she needed to leave, but she couldn’t pull herself from his sides. She gently pressed a kiss to Crosshair’s forehead. 

“I’m here, sweetheart. You’re not alone.” She whispered hoping he’d be able to hear her. She stood and took her supplies, looking back one last time before leaving him. 

It killed Kave not being able to be by his side when he needed comfort the most, but she needed to get her other work finished. A million questions ran through her mind, how did he end up here? What did he do that landed him in this godforsaken place? The last time she saw him, the both of them had exchanged heated words, she’d been frustrated he didn’t see how dangerous the Empire had become, frustrated how he refused to continue the discussion, how he didn’t even see that trying to hunt down his own brothers and civilians was a despicable act. It had been in the heat of anger, but before she could even stop herself the words were out of her mouth. 

“I can’t even look at you. You disgust me.”

She never meant it. Gods, how she wished she could’ve told him she regretted ever uttering those words, but no matter how hard she searched for him or tried to find information on him, he became a ghost, as all Imperial Commandos were in the system.

Once her duties were done, she found a way to sneak back down to the prisons, heading towards Crosshair’s cell, she opened it quietly. Her first concern was his wounds. 

“I’m back like I promised.” She whispered as she changed his bandages, “Look at you,” her voice trembled wondering how much pain he was in, “I’m sorry…” her eyes shifted to his face, shocked to find his eyes looking at her. 

“Kave?” His usually strong, confident, and snarky voice now sounded pained, confused, and completely exhausted. 

“Hey …” she gently shifted her hand to caress his face, “I’m here. I’m gonna get you out of here. Okay. I’ll come up with something …”

His shaky hand reached up and touched hers, “You’re real.”

“Yeah.” She smiled despite the tears in her eyes, “I’m real. I’m sorry, Crosshair. I’m so sorry for saying those things to you. I’ve regretted it…”

He shook his head weakly, “You were right …” he whispered, “I … I deserve this.”

“No. No you don’t.” She shifted closer, “No one deserves any of this. You don’t deserve this.” She emphasized. 

“You …” his voice shook, “you shouldn’t be here. You … you should leave.”

“Not without you. I can’t leave you.” She leaned closer, “I still love you. I’ve always loved you. I’m not leaving you.”

“There’s nothing left to love.” He strained to tell her he couldn’t bear to see her here. To be in this place that consumed everything.

“There is always something left to love.” She smiled back.

He looked at Kave with affection and longing, “I’ve missed you. We should’ve left when you told me.”

“Still plenty of time for us to escape.”

“We could die… you could die.” Crosshair whispered, wishing he had the strength to actually pull her into his arms. 

“Anything worth dying for is certainly worth living for, my love.” Kave pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, she could see in his eyes how much he wanted her closer. 

Crosshair gently touched her cheek, his fingers lifting ever so slightly, “Do you ever give up on me?”

“Never.”

“Never stop loving me.”

“I never will. I will fight every day for the both of us. For you, a thousand times over.”

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[bardofavon]

Do you have any favorite quote(s) from 'a good myth is hard to kill'?

I DO!!!!! it took me so long to answer this, sorry, it's because there's so many floating around in my head and I couldn't begin to think about where to start.

I really enjoyed the scene where Kaz and the Darkling expand the Fold for the first time. At the time I wrote it, I really loved this line:

And who would they pray to anyway? Kaz? Kaz, who watches?  Kaz, who says let the ones you love be swallowed by the dark so that I can hold mine at a distance.  The jokes write themselves, here in Ravka.  xx

I also reallllly love the whole scene with Inej in the second half of this chapter but especially this bit:

I also have problems in my brain unlike any other so I really love the entirety of chapter 58 but in terms of "I have peaked with writing toxic romance" I really enjoyed these lines from chapter 48:

“Would you still love me if I destroyed the Fold?” “You won’t.” “But would you?” “You won’t.” “But if I did. That would be your limit.” “There is no limit. You’re mine forever, I will love you until there’s nothing else to love…but you would regret it. Love doesn’t exist distinct, safe from pain. You would suffer, and I would love you, and I would make you thank me.” xx

I also really like chapter 91. although saying that feels like i'm confessing to a crime. i don't like it as much as I like having written it. I like this line especially, because of the canon callback and the culmination of a lot I was building up to thematically:

“Please. Don’t do this,” Kaz says, and it’s almost funny how easily begging comes to him now.  “Begging can’t help you this time,” He says. He sounds saddened by it, as though he wishes it were as easy as being able to believe Kaz because he’s said please. “Not now that I know how little your word actually means.”  Somehow that cuts Kaz deeper than anything else has.  The deal is the deal. Maybe Ghezen is real after all, and this is Kaz’s punishment for spitting on all the bargains he’s made over the last year. He cheapened them, all of them, and now they mean nothing.  Man laughs at the gods until he needs them. Ghezen wouldn’t listen even if he did pray. 

and I definitely have a lot more, honestly there's a few chapters that really stand out to me as being like "wow I really popped off with this one" but the second to last chapter (the one right before the epilogue) was just so rewarding for me. it felt so cathartic to write and I hope it was cathartic to read. I really liked this line:

I'm in your head now, and it's my head too. Your thoughts are my thoughts, your dreams are my dreams, neither of us will ever escape. 

as well as

Something can't come from nothing, and the dent he will make in the world must be felt…it must be felt… But not by him. He's felt enough.  And for a moment, Kaz feels a bit of regret. He regrets that the most powerful man in the world, the first person he thought could truly see Kaz as an equal, never learned to share. He regrets they couldn’t be more, they couldn’t rule together, they couldn’t be the things they’d promised to be to each other. He regrets that it was all a lie, and he regrets that there was ever a time when he believed it.  But most importantly, most vividly, he regrets not being able to take a knife and slice him through himself so he can feel the warm blood on his hands and watch up close as the life he was so proud of fades from his eyes. 

honestly as much as it feels a bit egotistical to say it I just really love this work in general, I think overall it's definitely one of my best and I'm tremendously proud of it so I could probably talk about my favorite parts all day. thank you for asking <3 <3

I'd love to hear if YOU have favorite quotes!!!

[ultrone]

Can you describe the dynamics of jackienat?

I know it is not naty bully jackie and jackie start crying like people are characterizing it in their fic.

ofc 😁 i can write some bullet points on the way i see it

keep in mind that i haven’t had time to rewatch the show so maybe some details might be off lmaoo if there's anything i forgot to add u can lmk

i honestly don’t think they’d bully each other at all 😭 i see that more as a headcanon. i know that many people like to think that since nat is an “outcast” and jackie is the stereotypical popular blonde girl, they would pick on each other and stuff, but i disagree. although they do fit those stereotypes in terms of looks, that doesn't necessarily dictate their actions lmaoo.

on the show, you can see that most of the times that jackie was portrayed as a brat or an asshole was through shauna's perspective/narration or when she was calling everybody out for doing weird shit, like when the girls almost killed travis and then pretended that it didn't happen.

the one time i remember jackie being actually mean was when she lashed out and called nat a slut for sleeping with travis instead of getting food, which obviously was wrong because she was in fact mean, but haven’t we all lashed out at someone at some point? that doesn't mean u're a bad person 😭 this explains it more in-depth.

and in general, regardless of jackie's stubborn attitude when adjusting to the wilderness, you can see that she's a very nice person. for example, it's evident when she helped misty put on makeup and told her that she deserves to be loved, or when she gave her last piece of food to shauna cuz she was feeling sick. not only that, but most people also acknowledge that she's a nice person. for instance, when the girls were talking about excluding allie, someone said not to tell jackie about it, probably because she wouldn't be cool with doing that. the coach chose her as the team captain because she influences and motivates people. and when shauna noticed jackie's stubborn behavior after the crash and gave her the pep talk, she said, and i quote, that she “makes people feel like things are gonna be okay just by showing up, and her dumb hot awesome self" lmaoo 😭 that should be enough proof.

as for nat, i have nothing to say other than i think we can all agree with the fact that even though she puts up this strong and aloof facade, on the inside, she's very sweet and caring. despite being labeled as the "outcast" who engages in drugs, drinks, and possibly breaks the rules, it doesn't mean that she's a bully or anything of that sort. most of the times i recall her being mean or acting like an asshole were when she was defending herself because someone else had picked on her first. for instance, when tai would tease her about her addictions or when she threw the alcohol bottle at those guys who were teasing her and her friends, or during that fight with jackie, that jackie started. i know there might be other instances where she lashed out first, but i honestly don't remember right now 😭 nonetheless, i think y'all get what i'm trying to get at lmaoooo. i also don't think she'd bully anyone because she's just not that type of resentful outcasted bitch LMAOO. a proof of this is that she was always against the plan of excluding allie—and then confronted shauna about it at the bonfire when everyone started arguing 🥊🥊 my girl might be bold and blunt but she's mad chill and don't even argue with me about that 🙄

WITH THAT BEING SAID, taking all those things into account, i don't think either of them would bully the other for no reason, as they're not the type of people to go around bullying others for fun. just because nat is your stereotypical alternative rule breaker and jackie is your stereotypical hot popular girl, it's not a good enough reason to believe that they would bully each other.

NOW, let's talk about their relationship.

the initial interactions we witness between them, occurring both in the pilot and throughout the show, involve nat bringing some sense into jackie lmaoo. for instance, in the pilot, when jackie mentioned that allie's wound "might not be as bad as it looks," nat responded, "you could see her fucking bones, jackie." this highlights nat's unwillingness to indulge in jackie's optimistic—and perhaps slightly naive—outlook and shows her straightforward and blunt nature. so, right from the first episode, we start to see the contrast in their personalities.

then, the first direct interaction that we see between them is jackie telling her, "nat, i love that you don't care what anybody thinks, and you're so completely yourself." instead of viewing her as an outcast or teasing her due to her addictions like others do, jackie admires how she doesn't care about people's opinions, probably because jackie herself does care about what others think.

i don't recall seeing many (if any) deep conversations between jackie and nat that highlight their friendship more in-depth out in the wilderness. however, one thing i know for sure is that by the last episodes of the first season, jackie and nat are pretty much the only two team members not buying into lottie's beliefs. even if they did argue and have disagreements, what would have happened if nat had been present in the cabin during jackie and shauna's fight? in my opinion, nat would've definitely defended jackie. i know that there might've been some recent resentment toward jackie cuz she slept with travis the night before, but they share a similar perspective regarding not worshiping lottie, and we know about nat's blunt and outspoken nature, which contrasts with jackie's. nat would've seen jackie struggling without anyone defending her and would certainly voice her thoughts, especially when jackie confronted everyone about nearly killing travis, because nat would've agreed with her. not only that, but she could've even defended her from shauna. although it's technically none of her business, shauna was clearly coming at jackie out of jealousy, and even admitted that she slept with jeff and was pregnant with his baby. not a single person called shauna out on it, letting it slide due to their resentment toward jackie for calling them out on their weird-ass behaviour, but nat wasn't being blinded by that, because she didn't believe in that bs. i just know that nat wouldn't have let that slide. she would've shut shauna's and mari's ass in record time and left the cabin with jackie.

and nat was literally the only one who buried jackie's remains when no one else would, not even shauna, who was consumed by guilt for what happened to jackie.

if nat had intervened, jackie might probably still be alive, and we could've seen more of their friendship. perhaps they would've grown closer or formed an alliance of some sort, but i guess we'll never know 😔

[muddypolitics]

(via Daring Fireball: It Doesn’t End)

By John Gruber

Hunter S. Thompson, writing in September 1972, a little over month ahead of Nixon’s landslide reelection:

The polls also indicate that Nixon will get a comfortable majority of the Youth Vote. And that he might carry all fifty states.

Well … maybe so. This may be the year when we finally come face to face with ourselves: finally just lay back and say it — that we are really just a nation of 220 million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns, and no qualms at all about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.

The tragedy of all this is that George McGovern, for all his mistakes and all his imprecise talk about “new politics” and “honesty in government”, is one of the few men who’ve run for President of the United States in this century who really understands what a fantastic monument to all the best instincts of the human race this country might have been, if we could have kept it out of the hands of greedy little hustlers like Richard Nixon.

McGovern made some stupid mistakes, but in context they seem almost frivolous compared to the things Richard Nixon does every day of his life, on purpose, as a matter of policy and a perfect expression of everything he stands for.

Jesus! Where will it end?

If every damn word of that doesn’t ring true to you today, you’re deaf. I have quoted this same passage once before, in the opposite context (or at least the opposite mood) — the day after Barack Obama’s election victory 16 years ago. I wrote then:

It ends here, today.

I love this country.

That first sentence sounds hopelessly naive today. I don’t blame my younger self for having written it though. That 2008 Obama win was euphoric. It remains our nation’s high-water mark. Until that day there remained large swaths not merely of the American electorate as a whole, but of Democrats and liberals, who believed they’d never live to see this nation elect a black man as president. But that happened. Barack Obama was elected, then reelected four years later, and left office and remains today a popular leader. Obama’s win in 2008 (365-173) was far larger than Trump’s win this year (312-226), measured either by Electoral College results or the popular vote. Obama’s 2012 reelection against Mitt Romney was a slightly larger win than Trump’s now (332-206).

The lesson is that it never ends.

But my god, look at the results Thompson was writing about in 1972. Richard Nixon won the Electoral College 520-17 and the popular vote by 23 percent. He won 49 of 50 states. “Jesus!” indeed. This now is not that. This is bad and dangerous and dark, but while Trump’s win was brutally clear, it was still a very close, deeply divided election. Barack Obama ran in 2008 opposing gay marriage. The Democrat. That was only 16 years ago. The iPhone was already out. Progress hasn’t stopped, but it’s never easy, and never without backlash.

It doesn’t end. Keep the faith.