#i barely believe in general
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One of the best things about Disco Elysium by far is that it does not fear ugly women. The world is full of ugly men, but ugly women are so hard to come by.
#I'm not calling the characters ugly btw#i don't believe any one can be ugly#i do not care for beauty standards and thus i don't rank people based on how “ugly” or “pretty” they are#but the characters in DE do not meet the conventional beauty standards and look like actual people with unique faces#and thus would be considered “ugly”#and that is so important to me. i go feral whenever media represents how people look like in real life and not how they look like in the#fictional parallel universe where everyone is a model and where a majority of the movies take place#because irl you don't have to be a model to be desirable#the most attractive man in any video game I've ever played has a receding hairline and a big nose and thick glasses and a small chin#and not only is representing realistic people. just good. in general. but it makes the character of Dolores Dei stand out so much more which#works for the game so well. she's barely human. she's a deity- a myth- a legend. the only version that exists of her now is the one with#glowing lungs. she's perfectly beautiful because she's inhuman. the fact that everybody else looks so human only highlights how inhuman she#has become yk?#if everyone was as conventionally attractive as her then she wouldn't stand out. we wouldn't get why she's so special.#disco elysium#disco elysium analysis#media analysis#beauty standards#this is only one aspect of how this game portrays real people btw. as someone interested in character design this just immediately stood out#to me#the first time i noticed it was when i first met garte and the second time was when i met ruby because neither are conventionally desirable#oh my fucking god the nerds who complain about a woman with a model face having body hair in a video game would perish if they played this#mainstream game/movie studios catering to western masses could never
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You need a door.
#tma#tma fanart#michael distortion#the distortion#my art#break draws#figured I should show off the actual design i envision for canon before I start tossing out more AU art lol#and then I went so unbelievably overboard with the hair#i have no excuse it was so much fun (it was terrible)#it was also so much fun#showed this to my dad and he took one look at it and went “oh those hands are awful#so i have clearly Won distortion fanart#believe it or not i’ve only seen a couple pieces of fanart that include extra fingers?#which surprises me#so yeah i DEFINITELY wanted to play with that#ai generated lookin ass <3#speaking of ass that background absolutely KICKED MINE AND ITS BARELY A BACKGROUND#but what else is new
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would you like to talk about how bad the mha ending was hella
as much as i would love to give like. a comprehensive response i genuinely dont think i can get my words together just yet without it being a constant unintelligble stream of 'AND ANOTHER THING-' and bc it's become quite torn in the fandom on if the chapter was good or bad i want like. an actual coherent response here. so i will reblog this if/when i can word it but know IM NOT FUCKING HAPPY
#paragraphs and paragraphs about the villains' endings alone. hawks hpsc president. midoriya's ending#the fact hero society is barely changed and the changes that do happen feel very much TELLING the reader it happened#as opposed to actually showing us how society changed on it. this is smthn ik people will argue w me about#bc yes it was a 400+ chapter manga arguably showing us how society changed but like. did it actually show that#like do u honestly think any community would watch televised battles between TEENAGERS and bad guys#and have the majority of them go 'gah! i cant help but sympathise with the bad guy who just suckerpunched child extra no.28!'#so like. why are they all suddenly on board with massive systemic reinvention. where's the rage where's the bitterness#this wasn't a story on showing the villains as redeemable and working towards society sympathising with them#and slowly painfully coming to a conclusion where japan was ready to change as a COLLECTIVE#this was a story of showing a group of redeemable villains (first step CHECK) getting DEFEATED IN BATTLE#THEY ALL FUCKING DIED EXCEPT SPINNER AND PRESUMABLY COMPRESS#WE DONT EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO DABI AT THE END ONLY THAT HE WAS PUT IN THE EXACT SAME POSITION#HE WAS IN WHEN HE WOKE UP FROM HIS COMA AND DABI WAS BORN. 'DABI' AS A PERSONA MEANT NOTHING#we still have an abuser who didn't come to justice. we still have the corrupt government body now being led by the guy they trafficked#and abused and conditioned into the perfect soldier. do u think maybe his opinions are a little biased in regards to that gov. body#maybe. perhaps. slightly. and we still have hero charts!!!!!! every kid in the last chap is still obsessed w becoming a hero!!!!#and dont get me STARTEDDDDDDDDD on midoriya being a teacher. 'i think it's cute he finally gets a life of peace 🥺#this way he can help the next generation directly 🥺' womp to the fucking womp he was supposed to be the world's no.1 hero#he barely sees his friends anymore. 'it's realistic to adulthood!' i dont want realism in my superpowered teen and up manga#put them in the avengers mansion NOW#so as you can see i waffled regardless of saying i specifically wasn't gonna do that and some of these points bother me more than others#with some being personal I Didn't Like It and some being i genuinely truly believe it to be bad writing#but my summary is mha ultimately felt like a story where a group of individuals unlearned (eh) the beliefs of a toxic society#and tried to save the people that society failed and then they themselves DID NOT FUCKING SAVE THEM#(i have a hit on the redemption via death trope on the dark web for ten bajillion pounds)#and while yeah that isn't objectively an evil story to tell i think 1) it was done poorly#and 2) isn't what a lot of people believed the premise to be nor what i think horikoshi himself was trying to write#ask#mha spoilers#mha
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n*loth not being able to bag anyone over the (human term) age of 25-30 at most is the only logical and real conclusion to me because it can be just explained away as him wanting to prove and control everything and anyone (Cus he's a man!) but being stuck in that demographic because his unbearable and vile personality is a force that nobody can look past once they've outgrown the possible fear and idolization period of anyone but also n*loth in particular.
#text#i think even younger ones that possess the same nasty traits can be slammed back 'In their place' (in his mind) by him just bc his -#- abilities and power alone (alt. name the factors that make him 'Cool') that dumbs them down insanely in comparison#maybe by this i mean like; ild*ri. despite the animosity she could still feel very foolish and is conscious of her wuss-ness#if that makes sense#cause no matter the disrespect anyone might have for an older capable person the reality is still reality#tbh i just think he doesn't like to sweat it much and still aims for the younger ones bc it's easier than it would be for someone that's -#- 30+ years old#and once he's proven his point he doesn't find any merit in sticking with older ones cause their interests or anything they offer -#- don't matter to or interest Him personally#i think an older demographic is just more boring to him and he would rather spend his time being metaphorically sucked off for his greats -#- by someone that already finds themselves 'lesser' than him and always will for a long time#than someone that is defiant of that fact#basically the more power imbalance the better#in his mind there will always be one unless he certainly knows someone is his equal (or better than him) but he likes the add-on of an -#- age difference too#keeps it in a safe zone with less problems for him#sorry for spitting again my brain just started machine-gunning thoughts for no reason#also i said before that he's an innocence fan. might not be a total puritan but there's something there#it's kinda like him not wanting to be with a dusty ''OLD'' person that's seen a lot anyway#i'm like barely able to hold myself back from opening my mouth to mention t*lvas where i'm making a point about n*loth's brain where he -#- isn't even needed to prove it#but like#him voicing dislike of n*loth general nauseating character and actions but still sucking up to him while n*loth can probably feel -#- that dislike anyway is cute to me i like to view it as an object being thrown into the wall over and over#where n*loth is proving his own worth to other people by drilling their brains out with proof. not that he needs to#but he would like that to be perfected a 100%#and t*lvas is capable of being molded into that state ....... probably#silusvesuisuis you didnot just confess to wanting to see t*lvas be slammed into a wall you fucked up demented beast you're sick#actually can't believe i forgot to mention this but he's literally so immature idk what he has anything in common with actual mature people
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There's a deep irony in Berserk being so admired by people who really really hate what Berserk is about on an emotional level, but especially when writers want to take influence from it. Because Berserk is very strong thematically, and someone who can't acknowledge subtext is going to whiff on emulating anything good.
#And by that I mean that like many of its influences and descendants the plot is fundamentally driven by toxic gay shit lol#Listen there's just no beating around the bush here: you either understand this type of story is super emotional#That the softness and hope and love for humanity is vital connective tissue between the edgy violent dark setting#And that at its core the queerness is *central*#Or you will just end up creating something toothless and cynical with tokenizing bullshit at best#You cannot make that lightning strike twice if you're too scared to even write that shit as ACTUALLY core to the plot#You don’t have to make your shit gay to be good you just have to understand if your major influence was gay and why#So that you respect subtext and thematic writing and emotional resonance in writing in general#And maybe understand that if you also want credit for pushing the envelope you get where the real standard is#This is one of those things I see in equal measure in dudebro homophobes and supposedly progressive queers#No that wasn't “bait/delusion” it was barely subtext and if you go into writing with that attitude you're going to write shallow shit lol#I genuinely believe when people lament about reading comprehension they're actually talking about willful ignorance#Because willfull ignorance *does* cause a need to deny reality to a point where it warps your ability to understand information#Having difficulty comprehending text from a learning disability or improper teaching#Has fucking nothing on someone whose deliberately trained themselves to rationalize away anything uncomfortable#Tag rant over but this shit really is a plague and you can see it so starkly when it comes to Berserk#An undeniably respectable work from a place many envious little goblins that covet it do not actually respect
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So, I had this thought, about a grumpy little 2D Rodney- so I set off to make it happen- (I had no idea what I was doing)
I love him.
-
Thennnn I thought, hey, wouldn't it be cool if I animated him? (counts as using my degree right?)
Adorable.
-
but- BUT (no way man it's impossible)
WHAT IF YOU- (stop)
WHAT IF YOU COULD- (don't even-)
WHAT IF YOU COULD CONTROL HIM!?
Mission accomplished
#my therapist did indeed nudge me toward sharing - so I better just do it before I lose the courage#secret sga project#not so secret now#sga#rodney mckay#I honestly can't even believe I did this#I know to some it's nbd but to me it's a lot - I am learning things I thought impossible for me to learn - coding is hard#im also putting parts of my degree into practice#and just generally having a good time#I'll be showing more as I progress ^_^#I'm going to hide now because I just bared a piece of my soul#I truly do love you guys#<3#twotalesart#twotalesgamedev
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Who’s most likely to change their phone number every week?
The answer is Daniel apparently
#I’m munching on this piece of information ….#on one hand I could almost believe he only says it because he doesn’t reply because we’ve all seen his phone#with the generic Home Screen and no phone cover and I could almost believe he uses it for the bare minimum#except for FaceTiming josh Allen Scotty and his family#which could also be the reason why Lance had to text Scotty the doc info because the number on the gdpa group is Blake’s#aus gp 2024#daniel ricciardo
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genuinely people need to tag triggers. Love all the 'not my responsibility to tag stuff the way you want it' shit but that is for fandom and weird kinks and whatever not LITERAL PICTURES OF SELF HARM AND BLOOD EVERYWHERE like I'd be fine if it was tagged 'tw blood' (which I don't have blocked!! I'd still be triggered as fuck but hey you tried idc) but when you don't tag it at all I have to assume you are actually trying to hurt someone. Yeah I block immediately but thst doesn't change the fact that I'm triggered and the sh urges are back. This is true for text posts too, although I try to block words (I genuinely hate it so deeply when people sidestep other people's word blocks with 'sewerslide' or button mash numbers in the word like. I am going to fucking kill you. 'Oh noo it's triggering to me uwu' bitch you made me actively suicidal for the first time in months. Fucking die. Don't post that shit if using the actual words triggers you). You ABSOLUTELY ARE responsible for what you put out into the words. People saying 'oh ur not responsible for other peoples triggers and emotions' are genuinely heartless and have never felt human empathy. You ain't responsible for how I react to your content, but you NEED to try your best to give people the bare minimum of warnings when you post triggering shit. Look at ur vent post and be like 'hey I'm gonna tag this as tw vent/ tw si' and you genuinely might save someone's life. Probably not but the chance should be enough for you to care and if it isn't, block me. Don't argue, just block me now.
#tw suicide mention#tw sui ideation#tw vent#Tw self harm#Tw sh#I'm just pissed as fuck#And since I'm in a bad mood I want to fucking kill someone violently#I'm trying to find some cute art on tumblr to look at and I get images of people's gaping bloody injuries#And someone talking about viscerally wanting to die#Because when I like and support and reblog mental health discussion and support#Tumblr algorithm then finds me a post tagged with like#Mental health#(Speaking of:)#tw mental health#Or depression#And yeah I get how it can be really nice to vent online and scream into the void I do it myself a ton#But if you aren't in the mental place to tag shit and do the bare minimum to be kind to others#Just save it as a draft#Come back 10 minutes later and add tws#It is genuinely so easy to not hurt people#Why the fuck would you choose to do it#What is wrong with you#Tbh this whole post is a lot more aggressive than I wanted to be but I'm really freaked out rn#And if I don't keep ranting I'm scared of what's gonna happen in general#I know I won't die and I really do believe thst I can keep myself safe for now but fuck it's hard and it would be easy if people were kind#And the worst thing is thst we are#I love people and I love how kind we are to others and I love how almost anyone is willing to be gentle with someone who needs it#So I know that this is a conscious decision to either remain ignorant to just to straight up hurt people#And that's so much worse than getting triggered#It's like I'm grieving someone who's still alive
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ive actually put myself in so many situations and seem to come out doing socially well, youd think at some point i could get it in my head im not irredeemably bad
#that post about dysphoria like ‘u feel like ur covered in slime and people will eventually see the rot’ rly truly hits it#idek if its dysphoria or autism or what at this point#maybe its everything#but shit#ive stayed at hostels and hung out with and chatted w complete strangers#i went back to my hs reunion this week and actually hung out w people i thought didnt fw me anymore#my coworkers generally seem to like me- its felt rare when one didnt which is a shocking percentage#ive maintained friendships with my core group of friends despite living w them for over a year (u know how that can go) and not#being able to participate in like half the activities they do (sex parties i dont wanna attend or im busy at work)#made internet friends. believe it or not there was a time as a teen i thought id never be able to do that!#shit bitch even the guy i like who i constantly worry secretly hates me#and i constantly worry only puts up with me etc#yeah he doesnt always seem to let me in much but he barely lets anyone in?#comparatively he does seem to let me in a lot#i really have to remember to put things in perspective sometimes#just bc im not in my holmes/watson era or facetiming someone all day doesnt mean im a lonely loser……. smh#there was once a time i had no irl friends. I CHANGED THAT. I DID THAT. i can do anything
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there has been a bunch of posts recently about the inquisitor being erased by the narrative and a bunch of posts about how this means that the inquisitor can never come back from "being the inquisitor" and I agree
BUT
like it's not going to happen because in the end this is bioware's sandbox and if they decide that the inquisitor is gonna be in veilguard then the inquisitor is going to show up in veilguard even if you think your inquisitor would let the world burn and good riddance
BUT
one could make the argument that because the inquisitor is a symbol, because the inquisitor is so much larger than life, because the inquisitor as an individual doesn't fucking matter, they can leave, because no one knows who they actually are. like it's not without risks but if lavellan paces out and goes back to their clan (or any clan) is anyone going to find them? do people even know what lavellan looks like? did anyone in this chantry-led, shamlen-run institution even bother to pay attention to their vasillin? when cadash or adaar was the herald of andraste in haven all bull had to do was throw some shitty clothes on them as camouflage. when you get to the winter palace, people are surprised about who the inquisitor actually is.
once you disband the inquisition and peace out, how many people can actually pick out cadash out of a line-up when so much about the inquistion has been about erasing everything about them except some vague "idk some dwarf. i think he's a ginger"? like when josephine interviews you she's not doing it to get the story straight, she's doing it to know what to hide, what to emphasize, how to rebuild your whole identity to someone who is not you anymore.
#antiqua plays da:i#dragon age#thinking and pondering#like yeah people can invest into spies and agents to find the inquisitor if they want to#but the general population literally doesn't know what the inquisitor looks like or what they believe in or anything#you put some generic clothes on and fuck off and that's it they have lost you#like the people in this universe can barely tell city elves apart from dalish elves let alone a specific one#this is why you can fuck off to be a red jenny with sera.#like yeah at the end of the day you are always going to be erased by the narrative but that can allow you some freedom#idk playing as lavellan and cadash and adaar there is SO much 'and who the hell are you'#that I don't believe goes away even after all you have done BECAUSE the inquisition is so intent into erasing you anyway#which means you can take advantage of that and piss off#my main inquisitor is a mage trevelyan and i always think about him (and vivienne solas dorian) after 'in hushed whispers' because like#there is no way people don't just assume he is one of fiona's mages. like they learn his face eventually#but all of the mage member of the parties for sure got some treatment if you let cullen get more templars on the case
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I hate when I get into these phases when once I process through one thing causing me anxiety there's another thing right behind it
#we've moved on to ye olde ''what if i have repressed memories and horrible things have happened that I don't remember''#which...#like...#to some degree you have to go with a schrodinger answer. like... it's inherently not true#but the weird part is that I have weird anxiety when I think about certain family members bc of this#but when I'm actually around them it's no more uncomfortable than any family member you're not around often#so I'm like OH NO WHAT IF SAID FAMILY MEMBER WHO I HAVEN'T SEEN IN YEARS DID SOMETHING TO ME#BUT I REPRESSED IT#and like... a what if is just a what if. do I believe it? no. do I fixate on it and get wildly afraid? sometimes#also it's not even consistent sometimes I'm like ah yes family member I haven't seen in ages I wonder what he's up to#and then other times it's like I'VE HEARD SO MANY STORIES OF FAMILY MEMBERS RAPING THEIR NIECES AND STUFF#WHAT IF THAT HAPPENED TO ME#actually I feel like watching law and order SVU made a lot of these anxieties worse like that's part of why I stopped watching it#bc it exacerbates a lot of anxiety my mind tries to throw at me#anyway I do not actually think any family member has done anything and I don't actually believe I have repressed memories#or else I would have probably brought it up to my parents. I'm still like ''ooogh anxiety monster what if?'' about it tho#which is why we have philippians 4:8!! is is true? categorically due to being a ''what if'' anxiety — nope!! okiedoke moving on#k I just needed to talk through this I'm done now#*I'm barely any more uncomfortable than with any family member I haven't seen in a long time#(tbf I'm generally less comfortable with my dad's family bc 1) no female relatives other than grandma and 2) I see them way less often)
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Would you guys still like me if I ended up writing a whole meta on Brand New City's double meanings for SQX. Would you.
#tbd#not tonight though i had to drive for 6 and a half hours today i can barely think rn.#'i think my fate is losing its patience'. going crazy stupid insane over how many meanings that has for her.#generally most songs off lush and bury me at makeout creek are her. but that's also mitski magic.#if you listen to drunk walk home; last words of a shooting star; francis forever#you basically get their pov of beginning/middle/end of bw arc#and if you're extra like me and believe their poorly healed injuries would lead to a much shortened lifespan. carry me out.
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uhhh take some wip human designs i sketched on whiteboard
#probably just gonna color these later bare w me#also strong sad is a trans girl i am a transfem strong sad believer#actually hc most of these fellas as trans lol#uhh credit to styx for inspiring some of these designs#homestar runner#homestar runner humanizations#:0 my art#also also i have so many hc in general for these#like i hc human pom pom as autistic & nonverbal#so the strap is not a bag its an aac device#uhh theres more but thats all for now
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i am very fond of my professor as i am sure you all have picked up on at this point but if he keeps talking about my hypothetical doctorate i am going to hit him with my shoe
#i am a second year undergraduate. i barely even know what taxes are.#i don't need a five minute lecture about my future in academia i need to curl up in a ball and take a long nap and have a few free days#to do exploratory reading and figure out what i need to do NOW for my UNDERGRAD dissertation#aughgh. Augh this is such a stupid thing to feel bad about I should be ecstatic about it and I am but it's so.#it's not even really his fault i think he's earnestly trying to be encouraging it's just maybe too genuine rn#i love you. thank you for believing in me. shut the fuck upppppppppp#had this exchange on monday and it is genuinely stressing me out so much as if there isn't ENOUGH pressure#to perform well academically at this stupid ass university just generally now this specific guy thinks i am some kind of prodigy#academia is such a scam. god. like i'll do it but i'm going to be complaining about it the whole time#uni adventures
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and what’s crazy to me about the situation where the actresses in pride and prejudice 2005 didn’t wear makeup, is that everyone is like. oh they’re lying. oh no one looks that pretty without a full face of makeup. oh it’s a lie they had a makeup artist credited and i don’t believe it was only for “continuity” they’re all lying!! like. are you for real so influencer pilled that you can’t believe that women can be beautiful and appealing to you without covering their faces in makeup. “but no makeup doesn’t translate as well on camera so they’re lying” actually if you know how to fucking film it right and light it right anything can look good just because YOU don’t think YOU look as good without makeup on your front facing phone camera doesn’t mean joe wright doesn’t know what he’s doing… like girl we all already knew kiera knightly was beautiful and had flawless skin is it truly so hard to believe she wasn’t caked in foundation
#jena malone wouldn’t lie to us ok…#i truly think our society is just so makeup pilled we can’t conceptualize the idea of beautiful women not being covered in makeup#and it makes me incredibly sad because then it’s like. well how do you react to women in your real life who aren’t wearing makeup#like are you looking at them and thinking ugh they’re so ugly because they don’t wear makeup#it cannot possibly be that hard to believe those actresses were really bare faced (in general)#men are filmed without wearing makeup all the time and you bitches are falling over yourselves to call them sexy. so what gives
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Osamu Dazai and the Depressing Era
#I have so many thoughts through my mind these days I was barely able to focus on the episode. I kept zoning out#I made barely any post#Okay some thoughts. The thing that really hit me since the first time watching b/sd... Is the–#“I don't kill people because I want to write about lives” “I start doing good because my friend asked me to”#Like I get grey morals and everything but also. Sorry for being so simplistic but I think everyone should do good / not kill people–#because killing people is bad lol. No because of other personal reasons#I really *really* feel b/sd ultimately has a very nihilistic approach to life.#And that when Oda said “You won't find a reason to live whether side you're on. Both sides are the same.” it's not Oda-character talking–#but it's really the author expressing their own worldview through the one character that's the most distinguished#They really think there's no difference between good and bad in their little nihilistic world.#Which is something I personally don't agree with.#“It is a given that everything that is worth wanting will be lost the moment I obtain it”#......... No it's not you just need to go to the shore and listen to the waves crush and the seagulls squeal dude. It's going to be okay.#That's why it's so easy to portray Dazai as perfect and flawless for the author btw.#Because nothing he ever did in the pm was wrong if “good” and “bad” don't mean anything to begin with.#And this is coming from a deeply relativist person. But I believe even grey morals have a limit.#Thus my general disagreement with most b/sd themes#I don't know why I went off this tangent btw I didn't intend to.#I suppose it bears repeating once in a while where I stand compared to the b/sd themes and my personal interpretation of them#(Even though I acknowledge most people don't agree with such interpretation... )#There were other things regarding the episode I needed to say but I forgot...#One of them was that season 2 Dark Era proves that even amv openings can actually be good if you put enough budget in them#Which makes me even more pissed at the season 3 / season 5 ops#random rambles
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