#i associate places and situations with songs more than emotions

[smolsleepyfox]

New tag game!

Tell me the number of songs in a playlist of your choice. Now people can send asks with a number corresponding to a song on the playlist. For each number talk about a memory you associate with the song.

And lastly, tag people you think would enjoy this :)

I'll start!

My favorite list on Spotify has 209 songs currently.

[wackpedion]

My Analysis of MSI's Bed of Roses

This is going to be about my analysis of Mindless Self Indulgence's song, Bed of Roses, and about how I interpret it to be about suicide. If such a topic is uncomfortable or triggering for you, this post may not be for you.

To me, this song is about a person who is struggling with suicidal thoughts. starting off with:

Now, throughout the song the singer repeats "My life has never been a bed of roses". A "bed of roses" is an expression usually used to describe something, particularly a situation or someones life, as carefree and pleasant. So right from the bat the song expresses this is not the case, and that the singers life hasn't ever been pleasant or kind to them. However at the start of that line, it specifically says "Hey, it's alright my life has never been a bed of roses", showing acceptance of this. Viewing this song though, as through the lense of someone suicidal, makes it more interesting as it reads more like rationalization for what they're planning, their suicide.

That line is followed by "This way's better for me", which only further helps paint this picture, "this way" being a vague way to refer to suicide and death, and how they think it would be better for them to die rather than continue living, because as previously mentioned their life hasn't ever been pleasant for them. This is all the more backed up by the later line "I don't care to live the life I've chosen" in where its explicitly stated they don't care to continue living.

Here, the chorus here is slightly changed, and the line important here is "Don't feel sorry for me", in where they're asking someone (or perhaps a group of people) to not feel bad over their planned demise. To me, because of this part, coupled with "Hey it's alright, my life has always been a sad emotion/never been a bed of roses", the song largely reads as someone trying to comfort and rationalize their suicidal thoughts to someone whos upset about their plans.

The "Anyway" bridge (which, should be noted, comes right after "This way's better for me, I don't care to live the life I've chosen") is basically wishing to brush over and not talk about their thoughts or death, to not linger on it, as to not hurt others who would be saddened by such a thing.

"Don't feel sorry for me, feeling sorry's been my lifes devotion" is a big line. For one, it signifies alot of regret in their life, which could be the source of their suicidal feelings. This coincides with "I do not care to live the life I've chosen", which implies a choice they regret.

Another way to interpret the line is through a religious lense. Its important to note that Jimmy Urine, the singer and writer of this song, went to Catholic school and in many of his songs, especially the ones found on the album PINK, you often come across religious themes. In some religions, such as catholicism, there is an association of feeling sorry. There is an importance placed on feeling remorse over ones sins ("feeling sorry's been my lifes devotion"), and not to mention devotion which is heavily associated with religion.

The past tense also is rather interesting, rather than "is" its "been". This might be how its phrased simply to signify this is something that's been the case for most of if not all of their life. However choosing to read into it I think it could mean that now, in the present, they've disregarded this way of life or regret. Maybe this is something they're letting go of in order to commit suicide (in some catholic circles, suicide is considered a sin), or it's about how they're giving up their life. Another possible read of this is that it's as if theyre speaking from beyond the grave, which leaves their life of feeling sorry and devotion in the past.

And before moving on, a side note. I find it intriguing how it changes from "bed of roses" to "a sad emotion". While this might be a stretch, I wonder if its supposed to reflect the specific nature of their struggles. An emotion is an inward and personal response, perhaps this is to say that their life has been sad and unpleasant but not because of external forces or circumstance, but rather the problem lies with the person themselves.

Now this part, which takes a sudden turn into being hostile. I feel these lines could be about resistance to change or healing, and being stuck in ones ways. It reads as a negative reaction to the outside party trying to talk them out of it or to reason with them, and stating they haven't changed their mind ("my sentiments the same, it always was"). However, they still refer to them as "my friend", despite the insult just moments before. It shows they still do care about them, despite all this. It could also be noted how this 2 line section is repeated twice, which could be to show one being consistently/repeatedly stubborn and resistant to others concern.

Additionally, I find the "screw you" line could also be interpreted as someone whos trying to push away their close ones so their death wouldn't be as painful to them.

Then, comes the repetition of this line. Which I think would be to show how they're set in their ways and mindset, never wavering from the idea that their life has always sucked. Perhaps being fixated on that.

The line never stops repeating from here, but you do find that after this over top of it plays the earlier line "Don't feel sorry for me, feeling sorrys been my lifes devotion to me", repeatedly. It creates a chaotic cacophany of sound, which could be to symbolize the persons mind, whos spiralling to suicidal thoughts and is becoming more disorganized and frantic as time goes on while also fixated and playing back these thoughts over and over.

And now we have reached the end of the song and that concludes my analysis. In short my analysis of the song is to be about a person struggling with suicidal thoughts and rejecting concern from their close ones as they spiral. I hope you found this to be an enjoyable read

And also, I want to thank everyone who showed interest and excitement in my analysis, and also offered their own insight to my last one!! It was my first time posting such a thing, and it made me very happy to have people respond so positively and engage with it. It makes me soso happy and makes me want to do more for you all <33

Tags for the people who expressed interest:

@ilovebeatingmywife @shinigamichan @infinitebearr @msi-obsessive

[the-mickle-pickle]

Good Omen S2 spoilers, The Nightingale

- - - - - -

I’ve seen a lot of confusion around the line “Thats the point. No Nightingales”. When i first watched that scene i thought it didn’t make a lot of sense, i mean what a random thing to say especially in such an emotional scene. However Nightingales have an extremely symbolic meaning outside and inside Good omens

First we will talk about the symbolic meaning outside of Good omens. Nightingales have a long association with spiritual symbolism. Within Christianity listening to the melody of the nightingale song is often believed to bring comfort and hope to those facing difficult times. Hope is a big theme across all the different interpretations of the nightingale. So how exactly does this relate to Good Omens? Well we first see it in season 1, a nightingale for the first time appears in Berkeley square. Now where does the hope part play into all of that? Well the hope that they will be left alone, they even say it themselves. Nightingales are also a symbol of love, we see that as a Nightingale sings somewhat miraculously as they are dining at the Ritz (which is a very romantic scene). Combine this with “A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square” (which i should say is a very romantic song) one of the few songs that not only we hear but them as well, since it’s common to connection music with situation (the same logic obviously applies to Angels and demon, as we see with Ineffable bureaucracy) they have most likely connected that song with them being together. So nightingales represent their relationship and them being together. 

Now the symbolic meaning inside Good omens. As many people have said the Nightingale represents their dinner to the ritz, a moment that represent their new found freedom and their relationship. However when Crowley says “That the point. No Nightingales” it doesn’t solely represent that moment. Yes that moment is significant yet there is more significant moments (when Azi realised that he loves Crowley is the biggest one i can think of at the moment) than that and i feel that we as an audience place a weight on it because it extremely significant for us. Nightingales for them represent earth as a whole, it represents music (the melody of the nightingale), it represents food and wine (them dining at the ritz) it represents humanity (Hope and love) and it represents nature. These are all things that heaven doesn’t have. So when Crowley says No nightingales he really saying, no music, no food, no humanity, no nature, no earth. 

So now if we put both the symbolism from inside and outside of GO Crowley presents a very complex and personal expression. Nothing that Azi loves will be in heaven, Crowley is trying to get Azi to understand what he is truly leaving behind which includes him. He is also trying to remind Azi of them by bringing up their love for each other and underneath all of it there is hope. Hope that Azi won’t leave earth and wont leave him. 

[floraracoon]

Gems of Dupont - Rewrite

Since it's been bothering me these past few days, this is a list of how I would rewrite a fic I wrote last year, called The Gems of Dupont on Ao3 if I were to do so.

Spoiler Warning if you want to read the fic then read this

Premise: There is a group of students who while anonymous, are known to have a lot of power. Namely, they have a history of getting rid of unsavory figures in the school or associated with it. Their current targets are Marinette (stalking, minor abuse of power, and her actions towards her 'rivals'), Adrien (bystander, actions as Chat Noir towards Ladybug, etc.), Lila (obvious), Alya (misinformation, slander, and something else), Mme. Bustier (bystander, emotional manipulation, poor teaching methods), Mr. Damocles (fraud, neglect, etc.), and Fu (facing the consequences of his own actions)

Problems: A scene that I did not flesh out enough to show the reasoning behind it, too many characters involved in the takedown, illogical plot points, involving characters that make no sense, and moving too fast due to me losing interest but not wanting to go on hiatus or abandoning the work.

The Rewrite:

Establishing the Gems -

The sign of the Gems (a wreath of gems on Mme. Mendelieve's door) is shown, causing rumors to spread through the school

Adrien, Alya, and Lila ask what they are, giving them the full explanation

The Gems are a group of six that every year go through and gather evidence of people's wrongdoings, before giving them to those that would cause the most change. This most of the time results in someone leaving the school. When they are done, gems are left where the person sits. Each gem represents something, and while there are six Gems, there are more gems.

Chloe scoffs out loud while Lila internally scoffs. Chloe thinks she is immune, as she has never been hit before. Lila scoffs because she thinks she hasn't been caught, to begin with.

Cut to a group chat, where two people are arguing over the nicknames they have in the chat. "Eye candy" seems particularly frustrated and claims they bring something more to the team than their good looks.

Safety Measures -

We see a week pass, with people becoming more and more anxious waiting for something to happen. Some sign that this wasn't a fluke. The first week is always when it is that they send out the warnings, where are the warnings?

But one day, as Nino walks in, having not arrived with Alya due to her running off to record an akuma fight, he finds a note sitting on his desk. The note contains a list of numbers and timestamps. A small doodle of a gem sitting in the corner.

On another day, Rose finds a small slip of paper that has Prince Ali's phone number on it, also with a small doodle of a gem in the corner

Luka opens a note left on his bed. He finds the chords for a song, with no lyrics. Each page has small annotations of cherry blossoms in places where lyrics would be, and a doodle of a gem in the bottom corner.

Kagami is surprised when a note falls out of her locker, with a message in brail saying "He hesitates, where is his backbone?". A gem is engraved on the page

The first -

Alya is the first to go down. After a fight between her and Nino that results in their break up, she learns that her parents got a similar note to the one that started the fight.

The numbers and timestamps were coded for different videos on the Ladyblog. The one for Nino was instances where Alya endangered him and those around him. The fight was about her recklessness, and her want to get up close to akuma fights with little regard for her safety.

The one her parents got, however, was every single time she had endangered herself.

The two of them were busy with work often, so they only really watched the videos Alya sent them. Often those were the ones where she stayed safe for the most part or had a lot of views.

So they opened her blog, to investigate what these timestamps were, only to find their daughter once again throwing herself into situations she shouldn't have. Along with countless posts trying to figure out the identities of people who were trying to protect the city and a single post that had them questioning her integrity.

The next day, Alya was pulled into distanced learning. She was also grounded until further notice, with no blog posting for one day per timestamp listed.

Will continue this post tomorrow, as this is getting really long

[atticsandwich]

omg a fellow swiftie! can i ask what you think each character's favorite album would be (and why) i loved the songs you picked for each of them on your list!

THANK YOU FOR ASKING I LOVE YOU.

and so without further ado:

What I think each obey me character's favorite Taylor Swift album would be

(this is just for fun pls don't take it personally if you don't agree with my takes lol)

LUCIFER

Red. i think a lot of people would go with rep or folklore for him but Red is such an intensely passionate album overflowing with multitudes of emotions that it'd be the one he'd gravitate towards.

His favorite on the album would either be state of grace or treacherous, i think. both songs just encompass the feeling of an unexpected emotion/encounter that not only intensifies but also fundamentally changes you as a person.

acknowledges ronan and how it's a beautifully written memorial. however, he'll only listen to it if it's a particularly reminiscence-heavy day

MAMMON

he's a reputation girlie DEFINITELY. The almost grunge-like feel of the first half juxtaposed with the second's more romantic upbeat pop (and ends with a piano ballad? yeahhhhh) is something he would soooo eat up. Not to mention he already has a rep era outfit ready by way of his demon form lol

favorites are don't blame me and getaway car and by the time new year's day hits he's an emotional mess. "please don't ever become a stranger who's laugh i could recognize anywhere" he'd be projecting the hell out of himself in that situation and he'd start whining and demanding that you never forget him. as he does.

LEVIATHAN

1989. Listen to me. He's a pop music enjoyer to a T. He probably won't admit it though. He'll probably say his favorite genre is like alt but then secretly have emotion and 1989 as his spotify (devilfy?) top streamed. (outside of course, his animanga playlist)

Very much a deep-cut kind of guy. He can appreciate style and blank space but firmly believes i know places and you are in love are superior and majorly underrated. and he's right...!

SATAN

this one's easy. evermore. no questions. in my opinion it's taylor's most literary-driven album, even more so than folklore, which i feel like is more storytelling-driven (pls tell me u get what i mean even though they're kinda the same thing but also not 😵‍💫). evermore is just one of those album that you'll only get to fully appreciate once you start trying to understand the songs as they stand on their own, and not as an interconnected puzzle.

cowboy like me is his favorite. i mentioned in my list that it's also the taylor song i associate the most with him, but i feel like he'd fully understand the underlying kinship and desperation that encompasses the song, especially if he tries to relate it with how he sees you, and how you're the only one on the same playing field as him.

almost cried to marjorie. he's in his feelings like that. closure appreciator (aka he's got taste. he's got the vision).

ASMODEUS

you'd think it'd be 1989, but it's actually Midnights. he'd LOVE the sultry take on synth-pop, and it's an album he would constantly have on ritation when he's getting ready to go out, or if he just wants to feel it. There's something about midnights that's so dark yet so unmistakeably airy and light, romantic, devastating, and sensual.

maroon or karma would be his favorite. karma is more of his favorite 'feel good' song though, while maroon is his favorite because of its imagery and emotion.

BEELZEBUB

just like the list, he was the hardest to pick for 😵‍💫 i think it's mainly because Beel doesn't really strike me as someone who gets way into an artist, and generally vibes with whatever he can find. He probably has a gym playlist consisting of multitudes of different artists and genres. If i had to pick though, i think his favorite would be Red - it's actually a pretty good workout album in my experience.

his favorites are the lighter songs, like everything has changed and starlight. i think he's the type to enjoy those types of songs more - lighthearted, upbeat, sweet. will not listen to ronan. he can handle the more emotional songs, but ronan made him lose his appetite. (i get u beel i never listen to it too i cant)

BELPHEGOR

folklore. what better album to sleep to? he doesn't sleep to it because it's boring per se, but because folklore just has that soothing essence to it that's very calming despite how devastating a lot of the songs are

doesn't get why betty, james, and augustine can't all be together, though. ("if me, you, and beel can make it work, so can they," he says when you ask.)

favorites are the last great american dynasty (thinks rebecca is funny), peace, and hoax. peace is hit top pick though, he resonates with its themes of "you're too good for me, i've wronged you yet you chose me, i'd give the world to you if you asked"

DIAVOLO

oh this guy would LOVE Speak Now. it's such a magical, whimsical, yet also so emotional and nuanced all wrapped up in a ribbon of both love and heartbreak. there's a sense of childlike fascination in diavolo that i think would resonate with how humans process love, yearning, loss, uncertainty, and just living, and i think speak now encapsulates all of those perfectly.

he's a romantic, let's be real. his favorutes are sparks fly and enchanted, and he can't help but think of you and how he felt when he fully realized how he felt towards you. it's explosive, magical, and he just wants more.

would unironically suggest long live as a RAD graduation song

BARBATOS

another Midnights kind of guy. not in the way asmo is, though. while asmo loves midnights for both its romantic and sensual aspects, barbatos favors this album because of its overall thematic depiction of the progression of the emotional spectrum - be it love, longing, grief, and life is general. i think people forget that midnights is also very introspective of Taylor's career, with multiple callbacks and small references to her previous work, while also being an album of processing separate emotions in a set timeline of her life.

adores the 3 am tracks, labyrinth, and mastermind. mastermind specifically is something i feel like he can resonate with specifically if he associates it with you, although whether you're the mastermind or it's him, he's not entirely sure. all he knows is that he's glad everything fell right into place for you to be his, or vice versa.

SOLOMON

his favorite would be Lover, i think. for many reasons, but especially because it's specifically you he thinks about the entire time listening. there's plenty of different facets of love to explore too - the domesticity, the sensuality, even the absurd and blasphemous. of course, there's also a little inkling of heartbreak and angst in the record, but he's one to appreciate those, too.

favorites on lover would be... well, lover, the titular track. he loves the domesticity he feels with you and yearns for it. i think he'd resonate with ma&thp too, but mostly for its storytelling. death by a thousand cuts will start to make him sad if he ever thinks about the both of you in that situation, so he probably skips it often for his own sanity (and probably sygb too?)

SIMEON

FEARLESS.

honestly it was either fearless and lover again, but i feel like he's more in line with the "i love you but reality isn't always a fairytale. why do you always feel so close, yet so far away?" idk if yall realize this but fearless is such. a melancholic album?? look at the tracklist and tell me I'm wrong, u can't.

funnily enough. relates to white horse a lot, mostly because of his own insecurity with how he stands between your relationship with him vs. the brothers. do u get what im trying to go for here. for that same reason he also loves you belong with me.

LUKE

this precious angel is a debut appreciator. the naive, almost juvenile level view on love, while trying his absolute best to prove himself, cherishing every friendship he makes, and especially his friendship with you. He's still improving himself as an angel day by day so one day, he'll establish himself as someone you can fully rely on!

his favorite is i'm only me when i'm with you - everyday he spends with you is something he truly cherishes, and he's always looking forward for the next time he'll get to hang out with his best friend.

THIRTEEN

another reputation girlie. argue with a wall (jk)

listen, she just thinks it's fun, she loves the intense beats and synths, and loves to scream the lyrics. i don't really think she'll care much for the more romantic songs, but she can still appreciate how heartfelt they are.

special exception to dwoht - the depiction of a suffocating exhiliration of love gets to her. it's so dangerous yet so tempting, so bounded yet so freeing....

aside from the aforementioned, also loves ready for it...? and i did something bad. it's the anticipation and thrill and conniving facets that enthralls her.

loves 1989 just as much though. pop bible ftw

RAPHAEL

folklore enthusiast. loves how mellow yet emotionally nuanced and diverse it is. loves exploring the various depths of human emotion portrayed in the album. listens to it while he sews, it gives him a pretty steady rhythm.

if you mention loving the album, he'll make you a cardigan. (just like the one in the song, he'll say. he looks stoic but you can tell from the handiwork that he's spent an absurd amount of time and dedication to perfect the piece. wear it often. he loves seeing it on you. he won't say that outright, though.)

his favorites are the most emotional and introspective ones - my tears ricochet, mirrorball, this is me trying, hoax. again, mostly because he loves peering into human psyche and that spectrum of emotions in particular.

MEPHISTOPHELES

he'd say Speak Now because it's Dia's favorite, but it's actually Red, funnily enough. will never admit it though, because he knows it's also luci's pick.

the intensity in red's portrayal of passion and heartbreak is something he appreciates, and while not necessarily 100% relating to, he understands why anyone would feel that way. love is a very fickle yet powerful thing, after all.

there's an essence of longing in the album, both for what was and what will be. Sometimes he can't help but see himself and you in those situations; him knowing that associating with you would be too much trouble than worth, but also he can't help but want to deepen his relationship with you, yet he's unsure where he can comfortably place himself between the brothers and the others vying for your attention. he hides that insecurity in stride though, the less you know the better.

top picks are treacherous and holy ground, for reasons mentioned above.

ok that's all of them. that took way longer than i thought LMFAO thank you again for asking anon!! i hope i didnt disappoint 🫡🫡

[maya-matlin]

since we're apparently among the only three people here who don't dislike Zaya...1. why do you think people have more trouble forgiving Zaya for their flaws when basically EVERY Degrassi ship is messy, flawed and complicated?! (Not judging anyone - we all like what we like, and things resonate with us for different reasons, I just find it interesting that people think Zaya is too toxic to forgive while some other Degrassi couples are objective just as messy and even more so) 2. Three Zaya scenes you love that show you they're meant to be? 3. Any songs you associate with Zaya? 4. Name three things Maya and Zig have in common and three differences they have that balance each other out! 5. Want to start a Zaya Appreciation Society with me? We can all share ice cream ;)

There are actually a solid amount of devoted Zaya fans. They're just harder to find. There's a reason I stick with Tumblr. Other places intimidate me and aren't worth the drama.

1.) Personal preference? Other than that, the existence of Campbell Saunders. Just as Zaya's potential romance was picking up steam and forming the foundation for their eventual relationship, Cam killed himself. Zig was the last person to speak to Cam. Regardless of Zig's intent or that during all of their interactions, Cam was the aggressor and the one who initiated all of their conflicts, the only thing the majority of Degrassi fans remember is that Zig pushed Cam over the edge. It never sat right with many viewers that Zig wasn't held more accountable for Cam's death or that Maya was so blasé about Zig's "confession". The writers' intent was clearly to send the message that no one is responsible for a suicide or anyone else's actions. But at the same time, you should still be mindful of others because you never know what's going on in someone else's head. Plus, I don't think Zig's character took quite the trajectory that some fans were expecting. He was supposed to have "learned" from Cam's death, meaning there was an expectation that he'd come away from the experience wiser with an acute awareness of how to navigate situations like this. It turns out, that never really happened. Zig tried his best and meant well, but he continued to be careless with words and was often in over his head. Zig also went on to feud with Maya's next boyfriend, Miles, where he was much more combative and kind of a shit starter. Miles was written with more care than Zig and quickly became the preferred character out of the two starting with season 14 and Next Class. So retroactively, Zig = bad, Miles = good. And lastly, a lot of people can't overlook cheating, even in fiction. While I take the stance that while I hate it, fictional cheating happening in teen dramas is highly likely, others felt too betrayed to continue supporting their relationship. Just overall, different people come away with different interpretations of characters and couples. In my opinion, Miles was far and away Maya's worst love interest and could have never made her happy in the long run even if they were both in heathier mindsets. Comparatively, I think Zig complemented Maya very well, offered constant emotional support and more often than not communicated well with her. Maya never seemed to be as happy with any guy as she was him once they were finally together. Others will tell you Miles was a great boyfriend, most of the things I just listed, and that Zig was a mediocre love interest.

2.) That's super tough to narrow down. I feel like I'm doing this wrong, but..

(1) Zig comforting Maya after Miles screams at her, reassuring her that he knows that she means well

It's the softness for me. It's how after the confusion with the season 13 love triangle and Zig being resistant to Maya's help, he gets it. He's here when she needs him the most. It's funny how for some, Maya and Zig getting together in the second half of season 14 came totally out of nowhere. But even though I didn't expect it when the season was airing, looking back it's very easy to see what was developing and how they were getting closer and closer each episode. Even though the Maya/Miles relationship lingered and Zig could have potentially gotten together with Zoe, those romances didn't pan out. To me, this is when their season 14 arc officially begins.

(2) Zig and Maya making up backstage

Yes, they were fighting and Maya was frustrated with Zig for trying to handle the gang on his own rather than turning Vince in, but he realized on his own (with the help of Damon) what needed to happen. We didn't see the full scene, but Zig clearly apologizes for their earlier conflict and for not initially going to the police. Maya is so forgiving and so prepared to forget the whole thing happened. Like she said. "You're here. We're together." That's literally all that mattered to her. No matter what happened, she was going to stick with Zig. No one can convince me that Maya Matlin wasn't equally and 100% as in love with Zig as he was her.

(3) Zig trying to cheer Maya up

Post bus crash, Maya was in the darkest place she'd ever been in. She was slowly losing all of her personal connections. At this point, it would be difficult to say Zig and Maya were even friends anymore. Their relationship ended in a very painful way with Maya still angry with Zig even months later. They both almost died. Zig entered a very public relationship with Esme. While they had occasional moments where they interacted that reinforced their connection, (in 302 when Zig asked Maya for advice about Esme), overall Zig wasn't part of Maya's life and therefore missed a lot of her warning signs. But, he did notice her on the verge of breaking down in the hallway and instantly knew something was wrong even if he couldn't have imagined the extent of it. So, Zig basically gently forces Maya to open up to him about what's going on. He knows she's struggling with something and isn't happy anymore, so he decides to cheer her up. This is Maya's first genuine smile the entire season. Every other time, she's either faking it or indulging in darker interests that only serve to trigger her more. And Maya clearly feels all the feelings in that moment. Yes, it's easier with Zig and he reminds her of happier times, but it's also very obvious how much she's still in love with him. This isn't technically part of the scene, but in the next episode Maya makes it a point to ask Esme to take care of Zig for her. The only other person we see Maya explicitly request be taken care of after she's gone is her mother. So, it says a lot about the depth of Maya's love for Zig and how much it would mean to her for him to be taken care of after she's gone. Anyways. Zig makes Maya happy and instinctively understands her.

4.) Ugh, I'm the worst at song questions.

It Might Be Love - Latch Key Kid (played during the first time they went to The Dot)

Oh My Love - Layla (played when Maya kisses Zig in season 14, kickstarting their relationship)

The Words You Say - Harrison Storm (played at the end of #YesMeansYes)

Lover - Taylor Swift (I know I'm basic, but it's their song)

5.) Three things Zig and Maya have in common.. they're both loyal, protective people and never afraid to fight for what's right, particularly when it affects someone they care about. I'll count that as two. It's honestly tough to find similarities, as weird as that sounds. They just match each other's energy and tend to be on the same wavelength. I'll say they're both pretty laidback. In spite of the fact they find themselves pulled into drama (especially poor Maya), they typically don't go out of their way to create it. Sometimes certain rivals will bring out that side of them, but overall they're chill people.

As for the differences that balance each other out.. Zig is the more sensitive one. He has a way of being quietly supportive and intuiting things while Maya internalizes a lot of her emotions. She's so desperate for nothing to go wrong that she almost avoids reality. I honestly think Zig grounds her a bit and forces her to be honest with herself. While both have good hearts, Maya is more compassionate and quicker to forgive. Even though it would sometimes be easier to lash out and the people wronging her would 1000% deserve it, Maya avoids conflict for the most part. Zig has never met a physical conflict he didn't want to throw against his locker. He means well, but he struggles with his anger from time to time and can't help but want to defend. Sometimes he's defending himself, other times he's defending the people he cares about. Maya provides a calming influence and encourages Zig to find better, healthier ways to handle his problems. This is so hard LOL. I feel like that's it? Who Maya is and who Zig is and how they interact with each other makes them an unusually good match. This is awful. I apologize.

5.) Absolutely!

[fangirling-heart]

Oh yeah for the character thingy!

How about Luz Noceda and Amity Blight?

Thanks for the ask!

We got the happy couple for this ask! Let's get to it! Starting with Luz!

favorite thing about them

Can I say everything? I kinda want to say everything. I mean her bright enthusiastic disposition, how smart and creative she is, how sweet and kind she is... I could go on forever!

least favorite thing about them:

How sometimes she gets in over her head and rushes in without thinking of the consequences. Especially when it comes to other people.

favorite line

Ughhhhhh.... this one's tough... I'm putting my top 3, I can't pick just one:

"I don't fit in at home. You don't fit in here. If I stay, we could not fit in together!"

"Talk to the glyph, witch!"

Do not underestimate me, Belos. For I am the Good Witch Luz! Child of the Human Realm, student of the Demon Realm and warrior of peace! Now eat this sucker!"

brOTP

Her and Hunter! They're my top 2 favorite characters and their relationship is one of my absolute favorite parts of the show! Their dynamic is so fun and sweet and interesting, they just work together so well, whether they're having a fun banter or a big angsty/emotional moment.

OTP

Lumity! Lumity all the way!

nOTP

Ships that include adults, characters younger than her (Gus, King) and family members. Also Boscha. I'm not a big fan of the ship type bully x victim of their bullying.

random headcanon

She goes to conventions with her friends and she and Amity cosplay as Azura and Hecate every time.

unpopular opinion

I can't think of anything right now.

song i associate with them

Home by Cavetown. This just feels like Luz's story in a nutshell. The feeling of not fitting in, the desire to escape and especially the "Get a load if this monster" parts and those last lyrics:

🎶Time is...

Slowly...

Tracing his face

But strangely he feels at home in this place🎶

favorite picture of them

It was incredibly hard to pick just one tho.

Now for Amity!

favorite thing about them

Another case of wanting to say everything, but this time I think I can narrow it down to how much her arc is about change and how willing she is to put in the work for it.

least favorite thing about them:

I mostly blame the shortening for that, but probably the fact that there's not enough interactions between her and the rest of the Hexsquad.

favorite line:

"I don't know what rituals you have in the Human Realm... but... I'll help you pick some flowers and we can do something here!"

brOTP:

Her and Willow and her and Hunter. They're both so interesting dynamics, one between two former friends trying to reconnect after a big break off and years of bullying and resentment, the other between two people who come from very similar situations and can understand each other in ways other people might not. (Screw disney for not giving time for these relationships to be explored more!)

OTP:

Mentioned before. Lumity!

nOTP:

Same as the ones I mentioned for Luz.

random headcanon:

She loves baking and is quite good at it.

unpopular opinion:

I'm not a fan of her mean girl persona.

song i associate with them:

Speechless by Naomi Scott. A song about not being silenced, standing up for yourself and breaking free from generational trauma? Yeah, that's an Amity song to me.

favorite picture of them

Look at her! Look at how happy she is to hold her girlfriend!

[mayflowers515]

Facts About My Main OC, Mayflower!

(I think it's about time I made a post relating to her- She's literally my main OC so...)

🌸🌸🌸

This is Mayflower (call her May for short). May isn't her original name. She recalled the month of May being important to her, so she was given that name.

She resides in a vast, heavenly flower meadow that is very peaceful and quiet. Sometimes too quiet... It also has a big tree with a treehouse that has a lot of her favorite things.

She used to live a different life before entering her flower meadow, but she passed away and somehow ended up here. The exact place she was dreaming to end up in if death crossed her path.

She has a bluebird friend named Bluebell. He guides her throughout her time in the flower meadows to make sure she isn't lonely.

May also has other friends that visit her, but none of them resemble true human beings from her past life. They are based on stuffed animals she enjoyed very much as a child that basically came to life to keep her company in her flower meadows. Besides that, she is pretty lonely and longs for new people to see her.

The thought of living a life and not remembering much of it scares her. She tries hard to recall the memories she had before entering her flower meadow, and she cries when she can't think of anything.

May doesn't remember the actual memories of her life, but she remembers the feelings associated with certain situations she likely could've been a part of. She also remembers certain aspects of her life bringing her joy such as her hobbies, family, etc.

She has a tendency to daydream a lot.

She has a really big sweet tooth, and especially loves pie. Give her something like pumpkin pie or French silk and she will be a happy puppy :>

May likes playing songs for her animal friends from time to time. She likes singing and playing instruments like the kalimba.

Music in general makes her very happy. She hums and sings a lot and she also keeps headphones handy on her in case she wants to actually listen to music all of a sudden.

She has a fondness for flora. Flowers and clovers particularly pique her interest.

She looks calm outwardly and while she tries to keep the peace, on the inside her mind is much more chaotic. Mainly filled with emotions on things she has dealt with or is currently dealing with in the present. She often cries in response to letting those inner feelings out.

She is active in the things that interest her, and is especially happy that she has found a gateway to still communicate with people even when she's so far away (explanation for how she can interact with others ig)

She especially loves magical girls. She pretends to transform into one in her flower meadow sometimes. Especially helps since she can fly around freely and peacefully.

Me (irl) and May share the same mind when it comes to ideas. So whenever I come up with something for a series, May will also think of it. For her, the idea just came to her and hopes to toy with it to become reality, which she can't easily do due to circumstances. That's where I (irl) come in! (will especially be prevalent with series I plan for the future!)

May's situation regarding her being in the flower meadow is conflicting. On one hand, it's a dream come true for her to be in such a lovely place and getting a chance to remain happy and peaceful in spirit. On the other, she gets very sentimental at the thought of what her previous life was like, and how being in such a peaceful flower meadow won't change the memories that she lost.

May may share a lot of my own personality traits, but I don't believe we would be the exact same person. May likely has more self-control and, despite what I said about her mind being a bit chaotic, she would be more inwardly calm than me. Probably would also be more childlike in a sense. Especially enhanced because of being in a place where she can be unapologetically herself happily without getting judged. She would also be much more easygoing regarding certain situations. Probably also slightly more outgoing than me irl ✌️

The big gimmick behind the creation of May is the outward display of nostalgia she feels regarding the things she felt in her past life, whether that be feelings or places.

For those who haven't seen my blogs yet, this could basically be an introductory post to myself, and an overall introduction towards my blog's main OC. I hope to express more about her soon! I do have a little something planned for her, but it might take a bit to get it ready. (In all honesty, I don't have a big variety in content subjects yet, but hopefully for those who are into the things I may have listed there, you will soon see what I have planned and find quality some time soon! ^^)

🌸🌸🌸

[autumn-equinox-04]

aiden?

Yessss I love Aiden!!

Favorite thing about them:

I love his energy. Aiden just has a perpetually sleep-deprived, in-desperate-need-of-caffeine, tired-of-life, angsty-arteeste vibe that I relate to on a spiritual level.

Also: dude has a mischievious streak. He's not innocent. In the right place and time and situation, he can be just as much of a chaos demon as anyone else. He rocks the whole "hidden-depth" vibe.

Least favorite thing about them:

This is hard because I genuinely love him, but probably his tendency to push his emotions away- and, in the process, push people away. It really contributes to his angsty arteeste motif, but it causes so many unnecessary problems (case in point: CoG and NoI).

Favorite line:

Aiden has way too many iconic lines for me to choose just one, so I'll just put the line that he's (arguably) most known for:

"Why are you like this, Shah?"

brOTP:

Aiden and Rudy.

Once Aiden stops resisting the call of madness, these two will terrorize the world and you cannot convince me otherwise.

OTP:

Arudennnn

I love these two so much omg their dynamic their banter their everything <3

nOTP:

Aiden and Kara.

Just. No. I don't like it. I DON'T LIKE IT.

(also him with literally everybody else in the series except Aru because the Potatoes are like his siblings and the adults are like his relatives?? extended family?? that Indian thing where everyone who is not your parents is your uncle or aunty and it's very unlikely that you're actually related to any of them??)

Random headcanon:

Aiden is a side sleeper. He doesn't curl up into a ball or anything, but throws his limbs out in front of him like he's trying to hug someone.

Aiden falls into the category of Capable Of Swearing, but Does Not Swear (Usually).

Aiden has several patented Looks™ and uses them on a regular basis (mostly on Aru and Rudy).

Unpopular opinion:

I don't think I have one?

Song I associate with them:

Okay, I.... genuinely don't know this one. There are simultaneously too many songs I associate with him, and no songs I associate with him.

So for now I'm gonna go with the song he sang to Aru in NoI (it's not a real song, technically, but you can't get any more authentic than what the guy came up with himself)

If anyone has any recommendations, please share!!

Favorite picture of them:

There's no question about it, it's this one (because otherwise I would have had to say the old official art, and that's a big NO):

And that's it from me! Thanks for the ask, @parrotxx!

[romaritimeharbor]

.......... dad!lotor.........? 👀

FAWN. FAWN.

THIS IS SO FUCKIGN REAL FAWN......... i've heard this song a few times but haven't heard it RECENTLY so i never really thought about making that connection but that is so real, it's actually dad!lotor real and true <3

sighhhh i think it's time i make a playlist for the imaginary dad!lotor series.......... AND BTW I FORGOT TO TELL YOU ON DISCORD WHAT I WAS THINKING ABOUT SO!!!! HERE ARE THE THOUGHTS!!!

i've been thinking about lotor's encounter with the paladins where they just... keep him hostage. he really said "i think it's time we had a talk" and they proceeded to put him in a jail cell wtf!!!!! that was NOT a talk!!!!! /lh

anyways, i've been thinking about the hostage exchange between zarkon and the paladins--lotor for pidge's dad. when they're discussing it before it happens, i feel that pidge and lotor's kid would butt heads very severely. it's no question that they would be there with him. he's declared an enemy of the state and, by association, they are as well, regardless of whether zarkon actually knows about them or not. i think the paladins would discuss keeping them around for information's sake (and lotor would actually agree with this; he wouldn't want zarkon to get his hands on them for any reason), but they would be so intensely against it.

like "you do not get to take your father back at the cost of separating me from mine, that isn't fair" kind of thing. "you do not get to talk about us as if we are just bargaining chips. we are living and deserve as much respect as you do. you do not get to judge us based on the actions of others" also. yeah. just very raw, visceral emotions. and furthermore they KNOWWWW that zarkon isn't just going to hand over her dad, like???? it's so obvious to them but of course they aren't listened to.

and they're just completely inconsolable about it, about that whole situation!!! like!!!! pidge should know what this desperation feels like, allura should know what this desperation feels like, right? but instead they are realizing how few favors having galra blood does for them and now they kind of get why lotor clutches onto his altean heritage.

(pidge DOES get the desperation, but that's the problem--both of these poor children are failing to think clearly because of that desperation, which is rooted in the same place, and it is leading to them spitting nasty insults towards one another, digging into places that should not be dug into. "this is so typical of the galra 😒" "shut up that's why your dad got kidnapped 🙄" now i think they could probably be friends actually but that would happen way later on LMAO)

*head in hands*

[solasan]

i'm greedy n would love to see all of the creation prompts for marine pls n thank u xoxo

infamous MC questions

THANK U TABBY 💙💙💙

Development: How did you come up with your character? Is their design still evolving? How do you think they might develop through the story?

oh she's definitely still evolving LOL. i'm still trying to get to grips with her, but i think i'm starting to figure her out so yay!! i'm super boring in the way i develop characters, so i just kind of started from a jumping point of 1) angsty angry ex relationship w seven 2) daisy jones but make it grunge rock 3) fun wild colour scheme LOL. marnie's a name i've been testing on a few ocs recently n this time she's stuck &lt;3

as for how she might develop, i'm hoping she Matures Emotionally LOL. from imposter syndrome & abandonment issues poster child > queen of self-confidence and love, baby! idk what form that would take (like i think it's a development she could have if they lost botb, but also if they won) but here's hoping she doesn't alienate everyone with her pride before it happens 🤞

Voice: What does their singing voice sound like? Do you have voiceclaims(s) for them?

answered here

Lyrics: What are some songs you associate with your character? Any specific lyrics that really scream your character?

cherry bomb (joan jett & the blackhearts) is a big marnie song bc 1) i know for a fact she screams along to it in the car all the time and 2) the lyrics are just... very her vibe. allll of i hate my mom (GRLwood) is very heavily marnie-coded too LOL. all eyes on me (bo burnham) is very lyrically marnie (are you feeling nervous? are you having fun? it's almost over / it's just begun) even if the genre/style isn't anything she'd sing (tho she might listen?).

Fame: Do you think your character will enjoy fame? Do they think they will? What elements do you think they might struggle with? Do you think they’ll be happy at the end of this road?

marnie definitely wants fame; definitely feels an urge to prove herself and to also seek out people who love her, who want her around and admire her. but i think the realities of fame will prooooobably suck for her more than she thinks they will. she loves attention & admiration, but i think the fickleness of public opinion is gonna fuck w her (shes already struggling to handle this whole fight situation & reactions to it in the press as well as all the references to her relationship w seven).

also, despite how open she seems, there's a lot of stuff abt her life that she wants to keep private (what rly happened with seven, why she doesnt talk to her parents, the true extent of her partying) so having no public boundaries is..... gna be difficult for her, aha. but i think the accomplishment will help her in her way towards happiness, and she'll be proud of herself & the band for any fame/appreciation they manage to claw out?? and she absolutely will love being adored by her fans LOL so u kno there's highs and there's lows

Storybeats: If you could design one scene to happen in the story, what would it be? How would it change your character? What would make it so satisfying for the character arc?

answered here

Wild card: Tell us something about your MC! Feel free to really just roll us over with an emotional steamroller and crush the souls out of our bodies, if you’d like. (You’re also welcome to choose one of the other questions to answer!)

hmmmm. she got into music in the first place to try bonding with her dad aha :/ he had a lot of old rock records and he used to listen to them when he wasn't on assignment. even used to laugh when she sang along sometimes, which was a balm for her no one loves me heart. he kind of lost interest over the years, tho, so it never brought them together.

when she left her parents' house for the last time, she stole his rumours vinyl lol. probably that might come back to bite her on the ass legally like that is entirely possible. but it's one of her most sentimentally valuable possessions, even if she doesnt break it out often bc it makes her think of her dad :/ it's defo come on tour with them in her luggage

Seven: Do you have headcanons about their friendship and/or romantic relationship (past or future)? What do you imagine some of their best memories are? What do you think some of Seven’s favourite things about your MC were/are?

answered here

[usuallyrated2stars]

Raph and Mikey's relationship as "Happiness" by Hobo Johnson.

Hear me out.

Before anyone misinterprets this at all, I will say that I got this idea 5% from my own personal projection, 30% from popular fanfiction, and 65% actual canon. If something seems to be a stretch, it's probably because of that small 35%.

Okay, the song describes the guy realizing that he hurt someone who is naturally talented and is going to live a great life and do things that will greatly surpass him. The twist is that the guy is happy that they will because he still very much cares for and loves this person, and this causes him to reflect on how desolate his own existence is.

In comes Mikey. Mikey is shown to, while not having obvious shows of brilliance like Donnie or the around-the-clock leadership capabilities like Leo, still be incredibly talented. He is the most natural potential according to Splinter, he is quite agile, can adapt well in stressful situations like Dimension X, can calm down or bring up the people around him, creative, DOES have moments of great intelligence, has likely saved his family when all hope was lost more times than I count, the list goes on. However, these things are hard to see if you aren't constantly forced to look past the inattentiveness, hyperactivity, and "stupidity".

In comes Raph. Alongside Mikey, there is a common theme of the negative traits overshadowing the good, but with Raph it is so much worse. His negative traits almost completely define who he is and what he's known as, the angry one. He has explosive anger, is more impulsive, prone to violence, is less than soft with emotions, is usually in the wrong in situations, doesn't possess moments of intelligence like Donnie, not to mention he's always second place to 'almighty Leo', and don't get him started on 'cute, perfect Mikey'. While his teasing and roughhousing with his brothers should NOT be associated with his feelings of anger, jealousy, and inadequacy since they are NOT the reason he does that (obviously it's just a sibling thing), they can still be associated. (Look at the "angry planet makes angry people" episode)

Either way, this is not an analysis on that so I'm moving on. Mikey is seen to be the most teased by Raph. There is roughhousing and mocking (ONCE AGAIN IT IS OF SIBLING VARIETY I AIN'T NO RAPH BASHER) between them the most, a guy who likely only sees the bad in himself and a guy who is so jam packed with potential to do amazing things. Imagine Raph playing around with Mikey and quickly having a quiet realization that the little brother he is messing with has that much talent. That he has so many more positive traits that Raph just can't find in himself. That he's made fun of so many of Mikey's ideas/warnings that ended up being great/true.

He reflects on how Mikey is compared to himself, and sees nothing really good. Raph is really, truly happy and loves Mikey to death, he believes that Mikey deserves the absolute world. He knows that he can do it. But what about himself?

Raph just hurts others and himself. He's loyal, sure, but it's shown to be to a fault on multiple occasions. He's a good fighter, sure, but Leo will probably always be better. He's a protector, sure, but when he succeeds he is labeled as impulsive and unthinking, and when he fails his brothers get extremely hurt and thrown into comas. There's always gotta be something wrong with him and it's a pit that he thinks he's not getting out of, since he's already tried so many times before. I'm never gonna change, I'll probably get way worse, at best stay the same.

He continues to tease Mikey anyway, maybe even more, with this revelation. Anything to distract himself from the impending dread of this thoughts, but all it ends up doing is providing his brain with more ammunition on how he's such a bad brother and that when Mikey finally leaves his 'abusive' grasp then he'll go on to be happier without them, or him. Raph really hopes that he'll find happiness.

((Bonus for comfort: Mikey finds out about this and reassures Raph that he wouldn't be here today without him, that there is so much good and talent that Raph has as well, and that Mikey's not hogging it all. They both tell each other that they'd rather die than live without the other.))

(Listen to the song!! Very tasty (: There are some things I didn't talk about in the post because I went :P halfway, please listen to it!! Adds context!!)

(Also if you hate me now because of my very crappy analysis/comparison post, please tell me in case I completely missed a mark/srs)

[meloriri]

youve opened the floodgates. prepare yourself.

tws: self sacrificial behaviour, self esteem issues, harsh language ish? typical of the song tho

ANALYSIS

I will first analyze the lyrics separately, then summarize how the meaning changes when you put them all together and into context.

“Until I erase my memories of everything until today, I won’t be able to sleep”

Tsukasa is shown to struggle with some kind of memory loss, likely related to trauma (I have to iterate here that trauma can come from ANYTHING. i'm not saying he was abused or shoved off a cliff or some shit this is just how trauma works.) After too much stress, playing the same song on piano every day etc, he began to forget why he even started in the first place, which did pull him out of his depressive spiral, but wasn’t the healthiest way of doing so. This is good line distribution.

“I just can’t help but wish that someone would take my place living this life from tomorrow on”

This isn’t really a direct reference to Rui in events, but rather a common feeling associated with depression. Rui was afraid, unable to comprehend social situations and left incredibly depressed and alone, it’s not hard to imagine that he wished someone else could take his place and fix everything (fixer?!?!? no way)

“Let me say it’ll be okay, and after that, won’t you let me pin the blame on you?

It doesn’t matter at this point, so, after that, won’t you let me pin the blame on you?”

I think these lines are implying a sense of guilt in themselves in particular. They’re not just trying to blame anyone, but with Rui’s last line of wishing someone would take over, then he’d be able to blame it on someone other than himself. Tsukasa thinks under the same premise.

“For all the promises I can’t keep” is pretty straightforward; it’s another admission of guilt.

“It’s to the point where, It’s all because of those few words, few words are finally overflowing, my mind has been stolen from me,”

more PEAK line distribution. Tsukasa expresses his overthinking; a few words can trigger thousands of others for him that he can’t understand due to how overwhelming it is. Rui explains how his mind was stolen from him, which may be linked to him feeling like his passions, intelligence, feelings etc were suppressed by others because of how he didn’t fit in, forcing him to conform to others.

“How I can't make sense of things, how I can’t do anything at all”

This links back to the previous lyric where Tsukasa expresses how he can’t understand things that are overwhelming to him. Despite his goals and intentions being to bring positivity, he’s actually completely unaware of how to process emotions from himself as well as others. He tends to be oblivious to social norms or implications and shows great stress when he figures them out. From an emotional standpoint, it’s likely that Tsukasa often feels completely useless, if not in helping others, then in helping himself; he can’t do anything to control his feelings or even understand them. It reminds me of a card story(i think one of emu’s focus event ones?) where he starts overthinking a small mistake, leading to another small mistake and the he proceeds to call himself ‘useless’ lol

“I can’t see, I want to leave, I want to flee, I want to stop, I can’t avoid it”

Rui and Tsukasa both feel trapped as a result of their inability to conform socially to others, while for Rui it’s something he knows he can’t control, who he is, and he doesn’t understand why nobody seems to understand him, leaving him wanting to leave the situation all together. It’s no secret that Rui was sewer slidal in middle school. Tsukasa’s lines reference how badly he tries to understand social norms and others, he wants to escape the expectations put on him, but more than all else, he wants to stop being “weird” in comparison to others. Unlike Rui, Tsukasa doesn’t recognize this as a part of himself, only a flaw that he can’t iron out no matter how desperately he tries.

“Sink me

Sink me

Until I can no longer crawl my way back up”

…Oh dear. Well. Tsukasa exhibits several self destructive behaviors, with little care for his safety. He doesn’t react much to injuries, which could also just be attributed to a high pain tolerance, but he also has done other risky things to try to fit in or become perfect for what he needs to do, such as literally starving himself (i dont want to hear the “its a genuine acting practice!!” thats a 16-17 yr old kid. that doesnt make it better). He’s a chronic people pleaser who will accept poor treatment if he thinks he’s doing good for others.

“Until I’m sick of it all

Let me fall

Let me fall

Until you dangle salvation before me”

Oh dear! Again. By the time Tsukasa meets Rui in the main story, Rui is a fairly distant individual. Despite how his first introduction presents him as already being passed his depression, several (and i mean SEVERAL) characters in game specifically point out how Rui seems happy for once since meeting Tsukasa. At this time, Rui is tired of complying but is still facing the consequences of the negative social stigma around him; he’s sick of trying to seem normal to others but is still hurt. He doesn’t want help. Until he meets Tsukasa, who shows him salvation.

“I bite them all to bits, every single scream locked up inside my throat, tasting every single grain of lies”

Rui presents himself as mild mannered, quirky, but always rather level-headed and calm. He’s a person who feels unable to show vulnerability due to his life experiences being bullied or mistreated for being different; instead, he just embraces it, slowly acting more and more weird to fit their expectations. He holds it in even when it’s overflowing, exhibiting dangerous habits and behavior. He is holding back crying, screaming, and generally showing his miserable emotions, and his forced to taste his own words that come out in place, typically being things like “i’m alright.”

“With this Shoddy excuse of a smile, I let time fly by, acting as if I know what I’m talking about”

This really goes all in with Tsukasa’s inability to understand social situations, huh. Tsukasa is a person who never stops smiling, acting proud and loud to make himself seem like he’s following the conversation, though it’s all just acting, and while others can’t tell that he’s faking the happiness, they can easily tell that he’s faking his understanding, only leading to people judging him further for being unable to assess anything socially.

“I never wanted to end up like this”

Neither of them asked to be the way they are. They didn’t want to be the “quirky” or “weird” one to others.

“I wait for those sleepy, sleepy ideals of being useful today to come save me

The first thing I say with my lips stretched wide,

Powerfully, stiffly, painfully biting my lip... “

Tsukasa and Rui both desire to be of use to others; the thing that breaks them out of their deperessively spirals is the concept of helping others. The adjectives used for them expresses the difference in their self destructive tendencies, yet how it ends all the same. Tsukasa is brash and powerful in what he does; when he’s doing good to himself, he’s doing it with great confidence, but when he’s spiraling, it also makes his self destruction stronger and power damaging to himself. Rui’s form of self destruction is more moderate but also more constant; he boils in the misery slowly so as to not let it consume him, but unlike Tsukasa who faces drastic ups and downs, Rui is constantly stuck in a state of milder despair and self-destructive tendencies.

“Drop dead on the floor, on the floor”

Is “hes sewer-slidal” a bad explanation for this one? Maybe? Maybe not? Well, to dig in deeper, Rui is a hardworker who only finds relief in his own projects. Trying to escape his own misery and loneliness, he overworks himself to the brink of death. That’s what this line is showing.

“Without a care for the future or the past. If you hate me,”

They took focus on the present too seriously, neglecting thoughts of their future health and past ambitions. Ties again in Tsukasa’s memory problems. By ‘if you hate me’, it shows the way they both vastly overthink everything. In their fight in the main story, they are quick to assume that the other hates them.

“Break me

Break me

If that's how it's going to be, you can be the one who does it”

oh tsukasa we’re really in it now. It’s very hard to explain this line in a non-toxic light while isolating it like this. So we’ll look at it through the toxic lens for now, but keep any pitchforks at bay. Tsukasa hates feeling guilty, as we see constantly, in that way he is a glutton for punishment. If he’s punished, he feels like he’s made up for his misdeed, and thus can move on. Whenever he’s reminded of something he feels guilty for, he immediately jumps to put himself down or offer deeds to the person he feels indebted to. In the line, he’s asking Rui to be the one to punish him, both out of guilt for how rui felt (referencing the main story where he was mean to nene) and further in, because Rui is someone he feels safe with, so he still feels cared for no matter what. In this way, Tsukasa opens up a huge issue in the two’s relationship, as he is forcing open a space that allows Rui to mistreat him while Tsukasa will only feel more attached to him. Rui isn’t the type of person who would take him up on that, but he may accidentally play into Tsukasa’s complex which will cause them both to spiral due to their ideology, such as Rui’s adverse reaction to hurting anyone. Tsukasa opening up opportunities and essentially pressuring Rui into hurting him is devastating to Rui’s own core struggles.

“Before I wearily spit out this more-than-I-can-stomach frustration

and this barren sadness, “

This line also shows more of the differences in how the two process their negative emotions. Tsukasa is characterized by his frustration; even when saddened or crying, it comes out almost as anger, but at himself. He doesn’t understand why he’s so incapable of fitting in properly, of understanding things. Tsukasa doesn’t understand, and that makes him frustrated with himself. On the contrary, Rui does understand why he doesn’t fit in, how he is fundamentally different and that’s what causes his inability to ease in socially. He isn’t frustrated because he’s accepted it, but he’s just saddened by it. It’s a depression that weighs down on him constantly, reminding him that he’ll never be like them, and the sadness that they won’t understand and he simply has to live with that.

“If that’s how it’s going to be,

Dance a Dance

Before it all goes gray, make a noise

Change, Change

Until you fall into dreamland,”

This is a hard set of lyrics to analyze. I can reach, though. Rui’s lines show how it’s just a dance around others to stay mild, to limit the judgement put towards him because of the way he is. Tsukasa says change, because he’s constantly trying to change himself to fit into everyone’s ideal, to feel equal to everyone and understand them. Their shared lines are actually fairly wholesome in the full context, but alone it could be used to express the way they spiral. Rui does whatever he can to distract himself before everything is so completely dull he can’t do anything anymore, where as Tsukasa is desperately trying to keep up the whole time, changing himself to reach a dream without realizing that he’s falling instead of reaching, and that this dreamland he’s reaching for is unnatural and depressing to him.

“If that’s how it’s going to be,

Steal it, Steal it

Dig up these tamed lies for all to see

I was looking at the false image flashed through my boiling mind

I was looking at myself.”

Once again, Tsukasa is specifically asking for punishment for his own lack of understanding, in a way to be degraded so that he can escape the guilt of his lies due to being punished for them. Rui’s line seems to show his idolization for Tsukasa after the main story, seeing him as a pillar of hope to cling to–the false image of Tsukasa that he had in his mind. But looking past it, he realized that Tsukasa was a reflection of himself, and that they were never too different after all. Tsukasa comes to the same realization about Rui.

WOW! That song sure was toxic and depressing as hell! So, the song is about Rui and Tsukasa’s struggles; how Tsukasa craves punishment to satisfy his own self-guilt and how Rui is so afraid of hurting anyone that he isolates himself, not knowing how to interact with others. And how Tsukasa can’t pick up on social cues and overthinks them painfully.

But is it actually?

By putting these lyrics into a bigger picture, you can see a greater theme overlapping, one that is far more hopeful for both of them.

SUMMARY & FINAL ANALYSIS

One thing’s for sure—these two are NOT neurotypical. We don’t need to see the bigger picture to see that the things they are struggling with are directly linked with neurodivergency. Let’s just get that out of the way.

Now, divulging into the less obvious parts of this song. The first few verses stay rather strong to their original meanings, but it takes off from there. In summary, this song is about expressing vulnerability when applied to these two. It explores both of their separate problems, and then how they help eachother. You can come to this conclusion by looking into the lyrics in a different way.

Focusing on Tsukasa’s side, he states all of his problems with fitting in and how they hurt him, how he fakes his emotions and feelings to try to feel better. It puts a specific emphasis on him lying, or more accurately, keeping truths from others to protect himself from feeling vulnerable, because he wants to be the one protecting others, and he always has been. But when he get to the previously declared “toxic” set of lyrics where Tsukasa begins to beg Rui to hurt him, I think this can be taken in a far different sense. Tsukasa is establishing his trust in Rui. He is inviting Rui to break him down and expose his lies, he is inviting Rui to say the things that he knows will hurt but need to be said, because he knows that eventually, it will need to happen, and he wants Rui to be the one because of his trust in him. Yes, he does want Rui to break him entirely, but not out of self-loathing, but instead out of wanting to move forward by placing his trust in someone, breaking down his carefully built facade and exterior in a way that he considers to be ugly, because Tsukasa trusts Rui and is allowing himself to finally be the one being saved. In a sense, to be “fixed”, but not by conforming, instead by finding peace and happiness with himself in its truest form.

On Rui’s end, the song explores Rui’s emotions and a sharp focus on himself in the situations. Rui tried fitting in, it wasn’t for him, and now all he can do is focus on his own suffering, his own loneliness. Rui’s side stays more depressive in tone for a while, with him expressing how he just wants to be left to spiral and soak in his own morbid feelings. In contrast to Tsukasa who’d do everything to please others, Rui is strictly focused on not offending them, trying to avoid interaction by all means, so he only focuses on himself in the situation. Tsukasa brings a new light to him, and he immediately sees Tsukasa as a sort of bright light at the end of a tunnel (well, after getting in a huge fight that is) allowing him to stop focusing on himself, to begin to interact with others and stop soaking in his own depression, but he quickly begins to feel envious, like he doesn’t belong with the others as a lesser human. But Tsukasa trusts him, and trusts Rui to break him down to help solve all of the little problems within him, even if it hurts Tsukasa, and with this, Rui realized that Tsukasa is almost a reflection of himself, that in seeing Tsukasa broken out of protective shell he saw himself. He saw that he wasn’t inferior for his struggles, that he wasn’t alone, and best of all, he was finally given the opportunity to save someone, to focus on them instead of his own depression, breaking himself out in the process.

Rui and Tsukasa are an example of Right time, Right person. The other had exactly what they needed to help themselves, because their issues were opposites yet all the same somehow. In other words, they saved eachother; fixed eachother.

And that’s my interpretation of the Tsukasa & Rui cover of “Fixer”! Of course, the songs original meaning differs from the meaning assigned for the characters, and that’s only natural. I think that both negative and positive interpretations I explained are able to co-exist, because people aren’t one dimensional, and thus a well made character isn’t one dimensional either.

Hope this clears things up about why these two were given this song!

FIXER is such a beautiful song when put in context with the characters PJSK chose for it

I'm a STRONG believer that cover songs are assigned with characters in mind, you just need to look deeper since they weren't literally made for the characters. Fixer seems like a really toxic song on it's own, but when put with the characters it shows

Fixer represents the relationship between Rui and Tsukasa and how the are the worst for eachother in their flaws, but PERFECT to help eachother remove the flaws, how their struggles were the opposite yet still one in the same, and how using that they can help eachother.

id LOVE to explain how, and i HAVE explained how... However its 3k words of analysis. lol. just wanted to rant

[hogmilked]

orchid, mahonia, chia, edelweiss, papyrus? :0

HI BESTIEEEE sorry this took all day i was at work and then tumblr didn’t save any of my very long reply that i’d already made

orchid -> what's a song you consider to be perfect?

oh fuck this is tough there’s a ton. i would say right now this live version of miami 2017 by billy joel, the original studio version is pretty perfect but the power behind these live vocals is just unmatched

i would also give bonus points to 4 Leaf Clover by Ravyn Lanae, Kalopsia by Queens of the Stone Age, My Sister by Angel Olsen, and My Baby’s Taking Me Home by Sparks. bonus mention to Face to Face by Daft Punk which i don’t think is a perfect song but is one of the coolest pieces of music i’ve ever heard. there’s some great videos breaking down the samples that song uses, a couple of which haven’t even been found yet

mahonia -> what place, thing, activity inspires you most and how do you express yourself when it does?

honestly i don’t know. seeing live music helps me wanna make music but honestly i feel the most motivated to make things when they come out of just raw high emotion. like right now i’m dealing with a traumatic situation and i’m not doing super well but i also really wanna get all that shit just like out so im more motivated than ever to make something out of it. it’s a bit bleak but true, a lot of the stuff i’ve been proudest of has come out of the urge to vent outweighing the fear of not making “good” art. not to say i shouldn’t get help or i’ll lose my ability to make things i’m proud of, but i’m the most inspired when i have overwhelming emotions i feel the need to turn into something productive

chia -> what's an inside joke you have with someone else?

DRACULA CHRISTMAS DRACULA CHRISTMAS DRACULA CHRISTMAS

edelweiss -> how'd you think of your url/ username? what's it associated with to you?

someone asked me about this in a reply this morning lol, it was a dumb joke at work. we were talking about different livestock milks outside of goats and cows and thought the phrase “hog milk” was so fucking funny but that was taken so it became hogmilked which is infinitely more harrowing

papyrus -> if you put your 'on repeat' playlist on shuffle, what's the first song that comes up? what do you like about it / associate it with?

i can’t find an on repeat playlist on tidal which is what i use, but i have been coping with the aforementioned traumatic experience with two specific albums so i’ll recommend a song off that

i talk a ton about suede these days but their debut album (along with …Like Clockwork by Queens of the Stone Age) has been my comfort albums the last couple days and a good portion of what i’ve been listening to. i love the whole album but this is my favorite song off it by far. i’ve said it many times before but everyone, especially those who like 90s alt and britpop, should listen to suede’s self titled debut. perfect album imo

[ask game]

[melanietoniaevans]

Missing The Good Times With The Narcissist?

One of the things that makes it so incredibly difficult to move on from the narcissist is the haunting memories of the good times – because no one can show you a good time like a narcissist!

This could be especially surprising if you were the one to end the relationship. Rationally, you know that returning to the narcissist is futile, even if they beg and promise you the world.

Then walking past a favourite restaurant or hearing ‘your’ song will smack you in the guts with memories of when the relationship was soooo perfect. It can feel impossible to resist the temptation to get back on the merry-go-round.

And even if we do move on physically, the memories can keep us emotionally stuck in prolonged grieving for the relationship.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I talk about all of this, and even more importantly, I show you how to leave behind those yearnings and fully break free of these toxic bonds.

Video Transcript

Welcome to Thriver TV, where you learn how to survive narcissistic abuse and Thrive from it. If you have not yet subscribed to my YouTube channel, please do so, and I’d love for you to share my work with others who need it.

Today’s episode is about how painful it is to miss the good times with the narcissist and how this keeps you stuck and stunts the ability to live again.

As well as what you can do to break free from this.

I’m so excited to share my story and my friend Jayne’s today – to tell of how we managed to move past the pain of missing out on the good times and how we became more joyous and expansive in our lives than ever before.

I promise you that there is a way out of this trauma!

How Does Trauma-bonding Occur?

Breaking up with people who are not toxic is still a difficult and sad process, but it pales compared to the heavy emotional fallout that infects us after narcissistic abuse. If you feel like “I’ll never be this happy again” or “It is excruciating for me to be around nice events, places, and situations that remind me of the good times,” my heart goes to you.

The horrific trauma of the good time memories with a narcissist goes way beyond what anyone would expect or could even begin to understand. Your friends and family may be shocked and in disbelief about how hard it is for you to connect to anything ‘nice’ that, by association, triggers you about the narcissist.

The trauma bonds that energetically connect you to the narcissist are why you feel so compromised. This can cause horrifically painful emotions. Trauma bonds form when you become physiologically addicted to intense emotional feelings, and you start to unconsciously crave or obsessively ruminate about the source of these feelings – the narcissist.

Many complex emotions with a narcissist – bad and good – infiltrate your deep being in perverse ways. It literally feels like a psychic disease that has taken over your spirit. After breaking up with a narcissist, they don’t just live on in your head; they feel like black and sticky goo crawling throughout your insides.

The narcissist strives to be the “Supreme Master of Your Universe,” or in other words, to possess your soul. This is the only way their False Self can be truly satisfied. They expect to be the sole ruler of your life and for you to be their emotional servant. The narcissist needs your life force to be centred around them and won’t accept any form of independence from you.

You may ask, “Why do they bother to do this to people?” Empty people who are disconnected from Source / Creation want ultimate power to infiltrate others because they get to steal your energy like a vampire, and it’s what the emptiest of people do.

Please understand that all parts of your narcissistic infiltration – including devastating anguish when remembering the good times – are because you are in a spiritual battle for your soul and your very life force.

I’m not being hyperbolic – this is the truth!

These feelings don’t stop until you succeed at taking your life force back.

The narcissist wants to control you and strip away your humanity, energy, joy, and capacity to love. If they succeed, they have won: another life is drained, used up, and ultimately destroyed, never to be useful to anyone else. This is the ultimate aim of their cruel dominion.

You can turn this around and win and make this the most incredible growth time of your entire life.

As we go through this episode, I hope you will understand why.

The Foundational Trauma Bonding

Let’s go through the horrific hurt of the good times and WHY this plays out after breaking up with a narcissist.

The narcissist came into your life through a trauma bond, to begin with. This person pretended to be the person who would grant you something you didn’t believe you could provide for yourself.

Much of this was unconscious. In my case, the narcissist came to me, offering me so much excitement, trips, fun, time out and the like. When I met him, I was a severe workaholic and had never afforded myself much work-life balance.

A friend of mine, Jayne, had a very chaotic life, and she struggled to have structure. The narcissist in her life was wealthy and ‘together’; this was a welcome salve to her soul.

Both Jayne and I loved being spoiled in the love-bombing stage – these people in our lives provided us with a lifestyle where we felt valued, spoiled and worthy of attention. Aspects that we did not provide to ourselves – certainly not healthily anyway.

There were also deeper, more unconscious reasons that enabled the narcissists to create feelings of deep connection. Narcissists are very good at identifying our unresolved hurts and pretending to be the person who will take the pain away.

These are FOUNDATIONAL trauma bonds – the glue a narcissist uses to ensnare you as a narcissistic supply.

In my previous significant relationships, I had felt like I was not being seen or trusted. In contrast, the narcissist seemed to grant me an abundance of presence, understanding, belief and space to be me – and he also feigned 100%support for my personal ambitions.

Jayne had always felt judged and ignored; her deepest wounds were about not being granted commitment and being treated as an object instead. The narcissist in her life seemed to see her value and give her his presence – attentively and completely.

This turnaround of our lives seemed so powerfully magical, and such an intense relief that we fell into deep dependencies of “you are my one and only”. We had assigned ‘saviour’ status to a narcissist without knowing it. We had each assigned ‘saviour’ status to a narcissist.

Spending time with these people feels so amazing!

They offer us something that we cannot – or do not-  do for ourselves, and because of this, they comfort us by taking away our emotional pain.

This is exactly how to create a trauma bond; narcissists know how to powerfully form this emotional dependency. Some have even bragged to this community how simple it is to find out what hurts or is missing and then start providing it in spades to get victims to deeply bond with them. Then they can take advantage and exploit their victim’s vulnerability.

Excitement and highs are part of a flashy narcissistic curriculum anyway, and this is how they avoid the drab and devastating feelings of being alone with their damaged being. If we haven’t done our inner recovery work yet, we love this too – being with the narcissist in a fantasy world of “it’s you and me, babe, against the big bad world” in a haze of fun, highs and indulgent experiences.

In this place, the pain of our childhoods and previous relationships is drowned out in the buzz. We don’t know it, but we are in a drug-like state of idolising. The narcissist is using us as a drug, and we are also high on it.

Society often tells us this is how love should be, but that is garbage and a lie. Healthy love does not follow this narrative.

Real life means reality intervenes, and this is where the second level of trauma bonding starts to kick in – as the cracks start happening rapidly.

Whatever is FALSE in REAL life can’t stand.

Now I’m going to explain WITHHOLDING trauma bonds to you.

The Withholding Trauma Bonding

The narcissistic mask begins slipping, and the real disordered self erupts. You have gone from being glorified as the next newest, shiniest source of narcissistic supply to being despised for not providing the narcissist with a permanent solution to their pain. You are no longer the magical person who grants the narcissist what they want to live pain-free.

Narcissists refuse to face the wounded parts of themselves that generate their painful feelings, and instead, they project onto you; it’s your fault. It’s the way you spoke, the way you looked at them, the idea that you may be doing things now outside of the relationship that isn’t about the narcissist. The list goes on and on in an endless cycle where you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

You are absolutely forbidden from challenging the narcissist’s narrative of “I am the King / Queen God of The Universe and totally ABOVE reproach”, and you are harshly punished if you do.

Where did this magical person go?

Where is this being who was so loved up with you? Who stared into your eyes with such adoration that you thought your heart would burst all over you?

How could this person – who you believed was “your one and only” – accuse you of doing disgusting things you are incapable of thinking, let alone executing? Things that defy all definitions of love.

You discover that these are the things they are doing themselves.

How do you assimilate this?

Now you are in deep water, and the rug is pulled out from under you. Yet the parts of you that want this person as your answer to life cling to this scrap of evidence that they care: “But they can be so loving and delightful and adoring.”

You do still have those times. You are in a vicious cycle of violence – tensions build, followed by explosions. You separate from each other, either emotionally or physically. Then you reconcile, either because you hand away more and more pieces of your own soul to stay connected or because they feign apologies and hoover you back in just when you are about to say ‘enough’ and walk away. Making up can feel SO good, and you try your hardest to love and trust this person again because “good people do forgive”.

This cycle of violence continues, cycling faster and becoming more violent and painful every time.

This Withdrawal Trauma Bonding phase is a huge roller coaster of highs and lows. The highs can feel amazing and are as addictive as any synthetic drug. This trauma bonding can easily be mistaken for Twin Flame true love, but it’s destructive abuse and self-abuse.

If you are honest with yourself, the relief you feel during the ‘highs’ of the relationship is akin to taking jagged rocks out of your shoes. It’s as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders, and you can finally walk without pain. Your feet have never felt so good!

The relief is, “You have stopped hurting me and loving me again.”

Yet there are cracks in the shoes, so they keep filling with jagged rocks.

Cruelly and horribly, the narcissist can promise and renege repeatedly, like a cat with a mouse, torturing and tormenting you. Of course, this is to control your behaviour by withholding love and decency from you whenever you are not adequately appeasing the narcissist.

In my life, the narcissist went from trusting, allowing and validating my independence to hating my passions, breathing down my neck, and violently and aggressively controlling my every move with insane pathological jealousy. Jayne’s narcissistic partner – initially loving, adoring and attentive – constantly ran with other women whilst accusing Jayne of being unfaithful.

This is what narcissists do. They ‘bait and switch’, delivering exactly the unfinished, unhealed wounds we carry that they appeared to be saving us from – whilst we cling to our version of this person as ‘our saviour’.

Is it any wonder that everything about the narcissist – the good, the bad and the ugly – is traumatising to us?

Now let’s look at the third and final stage of Missing the Good Times.

The Grieving Trauma Bonding

The flashy narcissistic relationships that started with a love-bombing bang will often crash and burn just as dramatically.

You go from floating on cloud nine to being dumped from a great height on your butt, surrounded by rubble everywhere – devastation, betrayal, deception, abandonment, invalidation and often grave losses of things important to you.

You have likely lost valuable health, resources, reputation, money, property, and – most shockingly –  ‘the love of your life’.  You may be overwhelmed and unable to even go about your daily activities, let alone think about restarting your life, taking part in life, and allowing yourself to experience joy and pleasure again – let alone love.

Please know that Jayne and I felt exactly like this and thought we could never recover!

You grieve because you believe, “I will never have what I had again”. You also grieve the ‘solution,’ the ‘salve’, and ‘the saving’ from the utter trauma of your unhealed wounds – more than you ever did previously.

This is the heartbreaking issue with unconsciously connecting with external saviours – they are always the messenger of what we have not yet saved (healed) within ourselves.

How To Win This Soul War and Take Back Your Lifeforce

Let me start by saying your Life-force IS joy, a celebration of life, expansion, experiences and love. Please know I understand how you could feel light-years away from this right now!

The narcissist is NOT your soul keeper and provider of these things – even though deeply, it feels like this at the start.

I want to explain what happened with Jayne and me because we are both Super-thriving now with zero connection to any memories,  good or bad, about our previous narcissistic slave masters!

To recover, we both knew we had to turn inwards to work on;

Accepting we had never consciously built our own enjoyable, healthy lives – instead, we had waited for someone else to provide it. Of course, this had been unconscious and being like this was simply our ‘normal’!

We had not yet addressed our past hurts and had been seeking other people to take away the pain instead. This had been deeply unconscious as well.

Focusing on the narcissists and hanging on to their hurtful behaviour kept us from looking inward to face and healing our painful feelings of being unworthy of love. We did not know until Quanta Freedom Healing that it was possible to heal these hurts directly and quickly – to free ourselves from them!

We started the good and true fight of turning inwards to detox these emotional vampires out of our system and build ourselves back in ways we never had before.

Jayne and I decided we would become whole adults in our own bodies and never again need to depend on anyone to create our own amazing lives. Once we used the QuantaFreedom Healings within the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP), we were able to release and heal from Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), rumination, agoraphobia, and all the other nasties caused by narcissistic abuse. As a result, we began to feel an inner Life-force that we had never experienced before.

For the first time in our lives, we were starting to inner-stand what it is to feel whole on the inside.

Jayne and I both started our own business ventures. Jayne worked through her dissociation traumas, making her more organised and focused. At the same time, I kicked my overworking addiction and started creating balance and enjoyment in my life.

We made it our mission to expand into life.

We both did solo travel overseas.

Neither of us was ever again in the position of subconsciously needing another person to sort us out emotionally. We were ready to share our lives with authentic people who were not parasitical narcissists!

We developed boundaries and the ability to speak up honestly. We stopped trying to fix and change people to be loved, and people started loving us for real in healthy ways.

There is no way Jayne and I could have reached these empowered levels of living our lives from an authentic inner space without being slammed to the floor by narcissists to show us that we had to change.

Being in excruciating, crippling inner rumination, longing and having our life force sucked out of us was the total indication that we needed to heal.

Conclusion

Remember how I started by saying, “Not only can you turn this around and win, you also can make this the most incredible growth time of your entire life”?

It’s true, and I hope you now understand why.

If you are ready to take this passage of winning this spiritual war and taking your soul and life force back, come with me, Jayne and thousands of others in our NARP Thriver Community.

You deserve to be OUT of the agony of missing the narcissist – it’s soul-sucking!

Plus, your True Life – the only life that truly gratifies you – awaits you!

You can read all about NARP by clicking on this link.

I hope today’s video has helped, and I can’t wait to help you recover on the inside as a NARP member if you want to choose Quantum Relief and Thriving!

[sen-no-kotowari]

Dark Selena Interlude: An Elegy for a Flower Ch 2

Chapter 2: The Young Girl’s Straggle

The endearing young woman spoke. She wandered about while listening to the song the actors sang.

“Dear Selena, By the time this letter reaches you, are you taking a break from how tiresome your journey is? I mentioned it in the last letter, but I’ve been trying my hand at making a stage play right now. Though it’s a lot harder than I’d imagined it to be. One’s creative process is a lonesome journey that many people walk through, and yet searching for the right path itself is quite difficult. I tried to do things that showed what a “playwright’s” caliber is to figure out what I should write about, but… I have a funny story I wanna share with you. I’ll write about it at the end of this letter. I’ll be glad even if it becomes a made-up story between us friends. So about this funny story, I have to admit that I had always experienced some form of worry when I first started this creative process. Things like “is this way of writing good enough?” or “does this usage of metaphor sound strange?” These kinds of worries have always tormented me. But what made me really anxious was when I coincidentally saw a picture of you while I was checking a recent document. It was the photo your mom took after the opening night of “Arcadia: The Great Escape.” You were smiling in that photo, but you seemed to be more anxious than I am… Rather, I could see that you were distressed about something. What in the world happened to you that day? What did you experience at that time? Why… Why did you embrace your creation with so much doubt? I wish you could tell me the reason why, Selena.”

(——)

“—The following is a recording. Just as there weren’t any official reports, this wasn’t anything private like a diary of sorts. It’s more akin to having a conversation with a friend. I’ve written down what my current situation is in the form of penned letters. This is Conservation Area No. 184, it’s near one of the Great Escape’s escape points. I’ve always wanted to visit this area… Not as a member of the Archeological Platoon though. Right now, I am only borrowing the Arts Association’s investigation mission in name and after some time, I eventually got the opportunity to participate officially. After we made our escape from the crimson thorns that had spread on the earth, I came here. Not because of an investigation, but to convey my respect for a certain hero. Some exalt songs of praise for that hero while others would perhaps explore the ruins by the outskirts of the conservation area. I was searching for relics of civilization that Eden wasn't able to take with them for years—or so I thought I would be. I unexpectedly ran into an audience in this place.“

(......)

Local Boy: What are you writing, big sis?

Selena: Oh. Uhm, this is…

Selena’s hand stopped. The cursive letter that flowed out from the tip of her pen was suddenly put to a stop.

Selena: It’s a record. I’m writing a record that’s just like a story.

Local Girl: Big sis, big sis, tell us what happens next in the story just now. What’s gonna happen to Prospero?

Selena: Oh, well, so Prospero…

(......)

“That’s right. As of now, I’m having fun telling these stories to the local children. At first, I told them fairy tales. But now, they’re already trying to grasp opera stories. What’s surprising is that all of the children here have a high level of understanding when it comes to the stories I tell them. Whether it’d be fairy tales or operas, they seem to more or less understand the emotions depicted within those stories. The children most likely have an artistic sense inside them. It could be that their talents are waiting to blossom in full bloom, similar to seeds in the ground waiting for the call of spring in the yonder. It might be arrogant of me to say this, but I pray that it’d be nice if I could be their spring breeze when I narrate these stories to them. And at the same time, I also pray that this wind would reach far and wide in every corner of this world.“

(......)

Selena: …And thus, Duke Prospero abandoned his magic, forgave those who wronged him, and then returned to his hometown.

Local Girl: Hrm… Wait, but isn’t that wrong?

Why would Prospero just easily forgive Antonio for what he did?

Local Boy: Yeah! He was bullied a lot by Antonio. The bad guys must be punished!

Selena: Well… That’s because…

Because the circumstances around the characters should be explained… Uhm,  it’s the reason why he became like that—his past to be exact.

But, about that… Instead of listening to my interpretation, I think it’s better to think about it on your own.

Local Girl: Huh? But why?

Selena: Because… There's no right or wrong in stories.

Letting you have your own answers makes me truly happy as a storyteller.

Selena smiled at the children.

Selena: Okay, want me to sing a song while everyone’s thinking about it?

Local Girl: Yeah! I wanna hear you sing!

Selena: With pleasure. Then, please listen to my song.

Selena responded loud enough for the people in the distance to hear. Conservation Area No. 184 used to be one of the many escape points of the Great Escape. Several traces of artistic activities were discovered within the city’s vicinity and even the refugees have some understanding of the arts. With their hunger satisfied and their interactions with others developed, soldiers and locals alike have started to converse about their experiences in life or rumors they’ve heard. According to what the children were talking about just now, it looks like operas on Eden were broadcasted here from time to time. But right now, the harmonious mood in their lively conversations is gone and the expressions on their faces are constantly tinged with sadness. There seemed to be a large-scale battle that happened 10 days ago, just before Selena had arrived. The expression on the people’s faces tells the story of how cruel that battle was. They were longing to comfort the children. That’s why she chose to sing a lullaby. The young woman sang out in a tender tone. It was just as if a mother was rocking a cradle. Then, she slightly raised her voice during the chorus and it filled the air as though it had wrapped around the people. She gradually sang at the top of her voice even during the silent part of the song so that it could reach everyone around them. Her gentle voice as she sang wrapped around the shadow of grief surrounding the children, soothing them even for a short time.

Selena: This song… is called a lullaby.

It’s a song that comforts everyone, including children like you guys.

Local Girl: Oh I see… Did Prospero also want to listen to a lullaby?

Selena: I wonder… Perhaps Prospero also needed to listen to a lullaby… Everyone, what kind of lullaby do you think would be good for Prospero?

Local Girl: Uhm… I think something gentle, like that song just now.

Local Boy: But since it’s after such an epic adventure, it should also be something that’d feel like he’s praised for doing his best after everything, not just something gentle.

Local Girl: Aww, I don’t know. It feels different…

Selena gently drew the children from their circle close to her as she kept smiling. They, too, would need time for themselves to discuss what they’ve learned. During that time, she was given the chance to approach the person she’s been searching for a while now.

(......)

Selena: Excuse me, are you Sir Pard?

Pard: I am.

The Structure military personnel, who was in the middle of his maintenance, took off his helmet and showed his face. It was a rugged, resolute look that endured the ordeals of time. Selena straightened her collar and saluted.

Selena: It’s an honor to meet you, I am Selena.

Sir Pard, Eden has begun their survey within the vicinity of Conservation Area No. 184 in the wake of the battle that happened the other day. You led your platoon in that battle and finished an extremely important lynching strategy.

Your heroic actions had an immense contribution to the operation and saved the conservation area from catastrophic danger. All of the survivors here are grateful for what you did. By all means, won’t you attend Eden’s public recognition ceremony?

Pard: I’m honored. I shall attend the ceremony if time permits.

His response was simple and polite, there weren't any emotions of joy behind it. Given how old he was, it wasn’t unusual for him to have public recognition. However, he kept on talking as is.

Pard: If it was simply informing me about the public recognition ceremony, sending a transmission would’ve been more than sufficient, but to think that they went out of their way and dispatched someone to notify me about it.

That song just now… was that your idea?

Selena: Yes, I believe… that songs are the most gentle way to soothe a person’s heart.

Perhaps it was because she was liberated from the customs of high-born etiquettes, or because she felt connected with the arts of this place, the young woman eased up a little and opened up her magnanimous heart’s door to others.

Selena: I’m worried that my actions may appear blasphemous to people like you, who are setting out for the front line… Although I sang that for the children… I thought that it’d be nice if everyone also heard it, so I chose to sing that song.

The young woman glanced sideways at the same time she said those words, briefly catching a glimpse of the surroundings. It felt as though the crease on the brows of people who sleep in sorrow had slightly softened. She wants to hope that what she saw wasn’t an illusion.

Selena: There is no public recognition, no operas, no treatment for the injured, and they couldn’t drive back the enemies… But if there are soldiers who’d protect these people from those enemies, there should also be “soldiers” who would pay tribute to them in times of peace.

Pilow of the support troops in the rearguard, Braua of the reconnaissance team, Sara the analyst, and many others…

Their families and all of the people here need to understand why they had to sacrifice themselves so that a piece of their memory would continue to exist in our hearts…. That’s why I was deployed to this place.

It was so that the people who survived would embrace the hope they left us and at the same time, heal their grief-stricken souls… As such, this, I believe, is the significance of public recognition.

Pard: …Is that so. I think that’s wonderful.

There weren’t any emotions behind the veteran soldier’s words as usual. Based on his nod, however, he was able to grasp Selena’s feelings of admiration.

Pard: You’re Miss Selena, I believe?

I’ve heard about you. You’re the newcomer with a momentum in the Arts Association… I didn’t think I’d be able to meet you in such a place like this.

Thank you, Selena. I’ve duly received the report.

I still have a mission left to accomplish, so I’ll be excusing myself here.

Selena: Okay… Oh, please wait a moment.

Do you perhaps know Sir Flora? He used to be a member of your platoon if I recall correctly…

In that battle, he seemed to have taken the initiative to cooperate in killing a specific Infected. I’ve heard that act was a chance to determine the conflict’s outcome.

Although I only heard about it from the children, Sir Flora enlisted to be a soldier after he was inspired by a certain opera. As someone who is both an art enthusiast and a military personnel, I wish to show my respect to his heroic sacrifice.

I thought of informing his family that Eden has acknowledged his honor to console them for his loss. If you have time after your mission is over, would you like to accompany me as the captain of his platoon?

Pard: Of course, I’d love to. It happens very often.

Selena: Thank you. If you could kindly tell me where Sir Flora’s house is―

Local Boy: Uhm… If you wish to meet the Floras, I could guide you there, Big Sis.

While they were conversing, someone grabbed Selena’s finger. When she looked down on her hand, a small boy was pulling her finger.

Local Boy: Uncle Flora’s house is a bit far from here, so if Pard’s busy, I-I can go instead…

Uhm, if I went that far to lead the way, could I… listen to the song you sang again?

It’s, uh… Mom died in that battle the other day… When I heard the song you sang earlier, I remember the lullaby Mom sang to me…

That’s why, uhm… If it’s okay to record that song, I could listen to it any time I want… Can’t I?

Selena: …Of course, you can. Can I start singing now?

A child’s heart is fragile, yet strong, just like any adult. Selena looked at Pard. He nodded at her as he turned around and was about to leave them since he still had a mission to finish.

Local Boy: R-really?! Thank goodness! Where did I place the recording device…

The boy took out an old recording device from under his baggy clothes. The shape of its external speakers are in the shape of a morning glory flower.

Local Boy: This was something Uncle Flora made. Everyone’s got one with them.

Uhh… I… think the record button’s right around here…

The boy pushed one button on the device firmly. Selena was also ready to sing. However, it seems that there wasn’t any switch for recording the audio. An aria— a vocal solo in an opera—has started to play from the recording device instead.

Local Boy: Huh, wait, I pressed the wrong button… This is the song Uncle Flora sang. Uhm… How do I make it stop—

The boy nervously tried to operate the recording device, but Selena stopped him.

Selena: Wait… I’d like to listen for a little while more.

Selena closed her eyes, her body facing the direction of the recording device, and silently listened for a short while. The boy briefly stayed silent and saw her immersed in the song. He began to speak in a whisper soon after.

Local Boy: Uncle Flora… Loved this song a lot. It became his motive to head for the battlefield.

The young boy was perhaps telling Selena his feelings, or possibly what he had felt the first time he heard this song.

Local Boy: I also love this song… Whenever I listen to it, I remember the thing that the people who’re fighting the monsters outside the conservation area mentioned… What they describe as “their reason for marching to the battlefield.”

Why Mama sacrificed herself… What Mama thought of before she headed for the front line… Whenever I listen to this song, I feel that I can somehow understand her.

It’s… really amazing.

Selena: Mhm… I agree…

Selena replied back in a way that she showed sh listening to what the young boy said, but her focus immediately went back to the vocal solo. It was a magnificent and technical part. Even if that part was seemingly trembling with anger, it also ostensibly was crying from an overwhelming sadness—these two emotions are closely entwined with the threads of death. It was a consolation for a certain group of casualties. Even as the tone of the singer’s voice kept on changing, it was heading toward the climax— And at that moment, somebody frantically pushed the stop button.

Local Boy: Uncle Pard?

The veteran soldier, who was supposed to head out for his mission, stood behind Selena without warning.

Pard: …Litt, your father’s looking for you on the front lines… He said that he wants your help in sorting out your mother’s mementos.

Local Boy: O-okay… I’ll go right now.

I’ll get going now, sister… Can I come by again later?

Selena: Yes… Of course you can.

The boy placed the recording device away and hurriedly ran off. While gazing at the direction the boy ran off to, Selena’s eyes couldn’t focus on his back fading from her view—rather, she wasn’t trying to look at all.

Selena: Sir Pard, could I ask you a question?

Pard: …Go ahead.

Selena: That song that was played moments ago, even though it was one part of a certain opera…

That child said that Sir Flora was influenced by this song and marched his way to the battlefield.

Selena: (I distinctly remember this song… Its title is “Arcadia: The Great Escape.”)

I… wrote that song.

Pard: …There’s no need for you to feel responsible for that. I was the one who wasn’t able to stop his heroic sacrifice.

Although his voice was hoarse, it also showed kindness.

Pard: You should be proud of your talent. Your work has the power to captivate others. You’ve fulfilled your role of passing down the story’s narrative well.

Selena silently closed her eyes. ...... She could hear the storm’s howl. With a heart that holds faith and value in loving all things in nature, Selena believed that she could overcome any hardships that come her way if she can prepare a ship that could weather the driving rain. However, she certainly didn’t expect that a storm would brew inside her own heart. On top of that, it was because of something she sincerely loves. The people who commend her are those people who march to the theater of war because of her song. When the children informed her of that reality, she was once again at the mercy of the “storm,” just like Ferdinand and Antonio.

Selena: …Uhm, excuse me, do you know where this young girl named Flora could be?

Even when the storm inside her heart stirred, Selena still pressed on despite that.

Selena: I would like to meet her.

The veteran soldier had a troubled expression on his face from her sudden inquiry.

Pard: She’s… currently not here.

She went missing from her home last night. The mission I accepted earlier was to bring her back.