#i am very awkward tho

[eru-iru]

when twatter dies I’ll be going back in here ig

idk if i’ll have the energy to make another socmed account lmao i only really have this and twitter. i hate instagram, facebook. tiktok, just everything else ahaha

[stevethehairington]

i'm still stuck on the scene where ana brings chris to the firehouse during the blackout, but specifically buck's behavior in it. like. god, there is SO MUCH to unpack there.

buck sees them and he immediately zeroes in on christopher, doesn't even so much as BLINK in ana's direction. he has THEE biggest, brightest smile on his face when he greets chris, and then that "looks like the new chief is here" said in that tone, paired with the great big double-armed bear hug?? like, hello!!!!! parent behavior!!!!!

but then the way he just. Does Not acknowledge ana after that?? and like. we KNOW they've met before. even if there was no like dedicated scene for a formal meeting, we know they've met — and like that was at the hospital, where their minds were very obviously elsewhere (eddie), so i wouldn't even necessarily classify that as like a proper meeting, y'know? it was surely pretty hurried, a basic exchange of names, maybe a handshake or something, but like that's the extent of it, i'm sure. there's no way they were like sitting there chatting it up or making any effort to get to know one another when the most important thing in, supposedly, both of their lives was in the other room, injured.

and like i doubt they've met outside of that instance too. so like when ana shows up with chris that would be the perfect opportunity for buck to like reintroduce himself (which, i fully believe he would, if it was literally anybody else), or for eddie to make the introduction, like officially, or something. but neither one of them do that. and buck? he doesn't even offer a simple hi. doesn't even look her way.

which is like. WILD. because — one, buck is a human :D emoticon, and he is a chronic yapper and he fully gives off "puppy dog at the park that runs up to everything and everyone to say hello" energy, so like i do not believe for one second that he wouldn't even say hi to her! and two, like. wouldn't you think that, as eddie's best friend, buck would be idk a little more enthusiastic about meeting her? the woman who, supposedly, his best friend is getting serious with? the woman who, supposedly, is meant to be making him happy? the woman who, supposedly, is someone important to eddie? and to chris? like, idk as eddie's best friend, and chris' too for that matter, i would certainly be invested in trying to build a relationship there!

but like. buck so clearly isn't? and this is all before he and eddie have the talk about how ana/the relationship with her is the thing causing eddie's panic attacks and how he doesn't actually think he loves her in the way he should and that he's just. trying to force it. so like buck doesn't even have that context to apply here!! he is just. Like That with ana from the get go!!

and the thing is — ana has literally done nothing. like. she has not said or done anything to buck, or to eddie or chris, that would make buck's behavior towards her make any sense. she literally just. exists. in the vicinity of eddie and chris. that's it.

so W H Y is buck soooo icy with her?

(the answer is simple: he doesn't like her because she should be him <3)

[sysig]

Growing closer than expected (Patreon)

[3-aem]

MY BRAINS NOT WORKING AND THE CUTE BOY I WORK WITH KEEPS CORRECTING MY GRAMMAR THIS IS SO AHAIWIAKSDHDGRRRRHRNE

[snzluv3r]

maybe a sneezing while hiding scenario? your stifled fits are so cute

scenario: we’re somewhere we aren’t supposed to be after hours and have to hide in a dusty storage closet to avoid getting caught—as long as my allergy to dust doesn’t expose us first

thank you so much for the request and the sweet compliment :) i haven’t done a more scripted wav like this in forever so i am very nervous and more than a little rusty—i hope that’s okay.

lots of hitching and stifles to a few let out sneezes at the very end. not as much sneezing as usual because i was trying my veryyyy best to hold back, which also made my stifles sound a little weird. i hope you like it <3

inspired by every sneezing while hiding scenario/wav/fic ever literally thank you to all those before me who did it so much better 🫡

[xxplastic-cubexx]

what is your favorite thing about charles and your favorite thing about erik? separately, as in what you like most about their characters :]

a devious question this one is, my friend!!! it's hard enough for me to explain my thoughts cohesively, but having to pick ONE thing i particularly love is difficult. with characters like charles and erik, theres been so much done with their characters over the decades and so they have so many components to them that make them so interesting and fun to observe. BUT I TRY FOR YOU TODAY. under the cut i kinda ramble and the size of this text box makin me anxious

i think if i were to be simple and broad, what i enjoy most about charles is his determination to help others, even if he isn't really thanked and/or if people don't even like him. ofc, this isn't to say he hasn't done wrong- to be honest, the fact he does wrong/questionable things at times is another aspect of him i really enjoy, maybe because- broadly speaking- he's meant to be altruistic (intent vs outcome and all that). i don't know if that's super exciting to most people, but it is for me

as for erik, my reason for liking him is easier to explain tbh. To Be Simple And Broad, his progression from villain to antihero over the decades has been fun to observe (as much as i have so far anyhow) and analyze. i think to be a bit more specific, him using his rage and pain as justifications for his villainous actions is definitely what compels me the most: hurt people hurt and the sort, an idea i've always found interesting (something something vicious cycles and the like). yet now, he recognizes this wasn't really. A Just Thing To Do and is beginning to change that, which i enjoy

[scummy-writes]

If I have you blocked, please do not message me on other accounts. If you know I have you blocked on one place, please do not try to reach out to me if you find out i didn't block you on another place.

It is very frustrating knowing that some people, not everyone, will see that I have them blocked and will go through different accounts to send me anons or dms. I know that when it gets to that point, it is a bit pointless to try and publicly ask someone like that to just leave me alone, but you know! I still wanna like. Ask you. To leave me alone if I have made it clear multiple times that I don't want to interact with you. I don't really care if you believe its unfair that I have you blocked. Unfortunately, in the world of online spaces, if I decide that I don't want to talk to you because i felt so uncomfortable that I decided to block you, thats me expressing a boundry. That's me saying 'please leave me alone'.

I'm some weirdo online who writes mid smut of traumatized guys. I should not be so important to you that you want to try and contact me through alt accounts or get upset when I continue to block you. I am uncomfortable. You reaching out knowing this, does not make that uncomfortable go away. It makes me more defensive, less willing to talk, and more prone to snapping and popping off if it does happen. I know it hurts when someone blocks you, but you need to understand that pushing for yourself to be unblocked through friends or anons, only makes the situation worse. There are so many other people to befriend who are so much nicer than I'll ever be, please leave me alone.

[satorisoup]

people will think im ordinary until they say one (1) thing about tmnt and all of a sudden im explaining the entire lore starting from the 1990’s movie & why donatello is the best turtle i fear… T^T

tag limit fights me… i must yap… please listen… SOB </3

[bloodtwin]

i say in my rules that i won't water puck down to make him seem weaker during RPs ....................... & then i proceed to water him down to make him seem weaker during RPs LOL.

i know it's not very fun to write with the guy who always wins bc he's good at everything (ok not everything just most things) & incredibly strong so i always feel bad abt it. i want ppl to have fun interacting with him! but like, The Point of his character is that he's stupidly powerful. i gave him a ridiculously high STR stat for a reason. literally the only thing stopping him from killing every person in the world is his big beautiful heart. and also iago. listen. i have themes & motifs for him. please can anyone hear me. listennnnnnnn

[why-the-heck-not]

🥺🥺 I’ve been going to the gym during the day this autumn instead of the morning. Today went during the morning like I used to, and the cleaner greeted me and said that he thought I had quit bc hadn’t seen me around, and if everything’s good and that made my day

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

when the art block hitteth

[spaciebabie]

shoutout 2 this person in my class who i can tell wants 2 talk 2 me really bad but instead of doing that whenever she has the chance she'll talk 2 whoever else is around and ignore me entirely unless im mentioned by name

[giantkillerjack]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.

Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!

Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!

If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

[koszmarnybudyn]

Is this late? Yes. But in my defence coloring was a bitch and i was very tired. Anyway have Scam and Jodie art.

[frau-wilhelm-klink]

I mean this in the most affectionate way possible, of course.

But hey, that's okay! Somebody has to keep the people in Geneva busy😂

[knbposting]

i've been writing high happiness future verse aokaga stuff if you even CARE