#i am the worlds most disaster bi

[on-a-lucky-tide]

I was chatting to my uncle about his time in service the other day and what it was like in 2000 when gay people were allowed to openly serve in the military for the first time.

I didn't tell him I was researching fanfic, he just likes chatting with me about politics and history because I'm his Pet Socialist Nephew and it's like a whole new world for him.

(My aunt worked for MI5 and they met in Cyprus while both were deployed; I'm pretty sure they're the reason I got to the late stages - NePoTiSm - but then I disappointed them to become a Tofu-Eating Wokerati Teacher. Yes, I am an ex-Tory, let's not.)

He was a lawyer in the RAF and spent most of his time prosecuting soldiers for misconduct. There is shit he has to take to his grave, especially surrounding the Gulf War. But he remembers dishonourable discharges for "sodomy" and how distasteful he found the "whole sordid business" when there were people still serving who had done "unspeakable things", and he told me about the slow dismantling of those laws, with the help of Stonewall, and the impact it had on so many men and women in the service.

He recalled one particularly terrifying NCO who often ridiculed him for his belly (my uncle likes cheese and wine, a lot; we got through a bottle of Merlot each...I'm pretty sure he opened a second) kissing his partner of 16 years openly, in full uniform, at the 2008 London Pride; how this "incorrigible" man broke down in tears because for the first time he wasn't torn in half: he could love both his country and his partner openly.

Now, this story is a fucking gold mine for me... Cause...

Can you imagine the 141 going to 2008? They think they're going to support their pet bi-disaster, Soap. Figure they'll go in No2s cause they'll be drinking and walking a lot. Then fucking Ghost rocks up in full No1s, shoes polished to an inch of their life like he's turned out for the god damn Queen.

When Soap teases him about how Extra he's being for lil ol' him, Ghost simply sighs and says, "I've waited my whole life for this, Johnny... I'm doin' it right."

That's how Ghost "comes out" to the 141, because of course it is. He doesn't do things in half measures. Soap looks him up and down and tries to play it cool, but Price can see how he's vibrating on the spot and figures they should fall in before Soap executes an unscheduled halo dive on Ghost's dick...

Johnny gets his kiss; by the lions of Nelson's column, under the admiral's watchful eye. Ghost's beret clenched in fist, strong arms clutching him so close, like Ghost's worried the moment might still be snatched from him at any point.

Johnny won't ever mention the tears he tastes between their lips. Some things just need to be let go.

[wowstrawberrycow]

Expanding!

I am really wanting to write drabbles for Elrond and Thranduil. But, before I dive in I've been trying to develop my own head canons for my au. This doesn't mean I will stop writing for Gimli and Legolas though. I adore them far too much! 😍

Here's my head canons! I personally think Elrond and Thranduil would balance each other very well.

Thranduil

Definitely a bi-guy and is 100% a disaster.

Is both Barbie and Ken at the same time, or separately depending on his mood. I say this because I canon him to have a perfect blend of fem and masculine styles that are glamorous. No pun intended (we all know he uses glamor). The way he carries himself is very much like a popular girl at the mall (Barbie) but is athletically masculine (Ken).

100% brat energy.

Can easily be a party 'girl' without that effecting his masculinity in anyway.

I imagine he probably does wear makeup from time to time.

I could see him being a very sexually charged individual.

Has heavy trust issues that cause him to keep people at a distance. I'm wanting to say because he is secretly sensitive he does this to avoid getting hurt.

Overly emotional and overly dramatic. He is the drama king!

He gives me the air of someone who is wildly insecure, with very low self-esteem, and poor body image; who hides behind a hyper confident mask.

After losing his wife (the main form of stability in his life) he turned to alcoholism and hides behind a false party persona.

Is absolutely terrified of anything happening to his son. Is extremely overbearing to the point where he has projected his own fears onto legolas and has accidentally been pushing them (I canon legolas to be a they/them) away.

Tries to be supportive but falls flat because he is a helicopter parent.

He for sure did not let Legolas out of his sight until they were in their equivalent of teen elf years. This made his son grow even more rebellious causing a rift in both their lives.

I think it absolutely destroyed him inside to let Legolas go out into the world in the movies. But, he did so because he had to let go eventually. Hanging on tightly would make him lose his son forever

Will argue with Legolas about leaving the palace to go fight the spiders and other creatures in forest very much the way Ariel's dad does when Ariel goes to the surface in the little mermaid movie.

Definitely needs guidance from a Dom.

He is a single mom. Again this doesn't effect his pronouns.

Trauma survivor with PTSD 😢

Elrond

Also a bi-guy but is not a disaster.

For sure has a responsible dad vibe and will go out of his way for his kids.

In fact, he gives off the air that he's the communal dad. #Dadfriend

family man through and through.

I imagine that he is the type of dad to casually tell embarrassing stories about the 'kids' in his life or anyone he considers his kiddo as well as his own kids that are blood related.

Absolutely is the type who is a teacher as an occupation (child hearder). Teachers heard children right?

Is extremely organized with OCD tendencies.

He always struck me as a paramedic type too, especially if assisting in battle. I mean he is a very skilled healer canonically.

Can appear tired and done with life, but also has a secret streak of dad humor/lame humor.

Extremely patient.

Is very lonely. Life has not been kind to him canonically. And his children drifted away from him, lost his twin and other loved ones too 😢 So I think that is the reason why in my canon he tries to be dad for others. It helps that he's older than most too.

Could be chronically depressed 😢

Is definitely a caregiver type in a BDSM lifestyle relationship.

Wholesome babe

Can be quite the suave Gentleman in private

[lgbtqreads]

What are some bisexual books that people don't often talk about but are very good and deserve more love

Ugh so many. It Goes Like This by Miel Moreland. Girl Made of Stars by Ashley Herring Blake. Verona Comics by Jennifer Dugan. Full Disclosure by Camryn Garrett. Death Prefers Blondes by Caleb Roehrig. I think Zack Smedley is the most underrated writer of bisexuality in YA, bar none - both of his books, for sure. With Love, From Cold World by Alicia Thompson isn't totally under the radar, but I feel like people don't know how significant the hero's being bi is. The whole True Queen series by Sarah Fine. (I haaaate when people say the first book isn't bi, oh my God.) Kristen Lepionka's Roxane Weary series and Misha Popp's murder pie series. The Disasters by MK England. I'll stop there, but yeah, so many. (Tbh I think Cool for the Summer and Going Bicoastal, too, but I am admittedly biased.)

[skarkkk]

I can't stop thinking about 911 ep4 and I need to freak out. So I'm going to freak out here so that other people freak out too, because my god, that ep is perfect.

First point: Bi Buck

My happiness to finally have this, to have Buck truly be part of the Canon community is limitless. Like, can you imagine how important this representation is to people in real life? A man in his 30s, a "macho" firefighter who until then had only had relationships with women, discovering that he can like guys, that he liked kissing a man. I can literally imagine how Buck might feel about this and the whole coming out and accepting yourself part. Because he is an ally and he is an incredible man, but imagine living with parents like that, growing up not knowing that part of yourself and that whole "this is not a phase, this is who I am" part and him accepting that. Because Buck has always been someone more sensitive to his own emotions and I hope this is portrayed in his self-discovery and, God, I need him to finally be happy being who he is. Being Buck. I want him talking to the team and realizing that he doesn't need acceptance from other people (the world) when he has their real family. I want Maddie's reaction because since season 2 she had already told us that Buck wasn't straight (even if they were jokes). I want everything Buck deserves to truly feel good and happy.

Second point: Buddie

I want them, I need them. But not this season. I think people think so much about finally having them together that sometimes they don't really think about how (me, for example, in my outbursts). But Buddie needs to be developed calmly and even more carefully. Because it's not just about friends to lovers, there's a whole background. It's not just them getting together because, imagine finding out you like guys too, then you realize you're in love with your best friend and how do you deal with that when everything is so new?

I want them to be canon more than anything, I need it and I'll probably die if it really happens. Buddie had a long development process, from the beginning of their friendship until this season. Because they are best friends and even went through the divorce phase. They raise a child together, Buck is Chris's father and their jealousy towards each other was clear. The worry, the care, the protection, the anger, the affection, they felt so much and I think a rushed start to their romantic relationship would ruin everything because they really need to feel it. That emotion of "I love him and I won't hurt him again", because these boys are a disaster. I think the process of them going from best friends to lovers will be confusing, especially because Buck would probably be terrified at the idea of being in love with his best friend and ruining everything between them again (the process) and Eddie wouldn't know how to deal with the his first bi crush being the person he cares about most (after Chris). Like, I need them, but not this season. I want them next time, I want their relationship to be built with sensitivity and not with loose ends. Not in the process of their self-discovery, because while I can imagine how sweet it would be for them to have all their first times (minus Buck's first bi kiss, because we have Tommy) together, I can imagine how wrong it could go. Like, I don't know, buddies have always been full of emotions and intense scenes and I want that in their relationship.

Another point about Buddie is that I want it to happen, yes, but my priority is Buck and Eddie's happiness, even if that means they don't stay together, you know. I would cry, a lot, and live on fanfics, but I don't want something forced between them, because I love how everything always seems spontaneous in their friendship and I want a romantic relationship like that, you know.

Third point: Tommy

I love this man. Like, I wasn't the biggest fan in eps begins, but I never hated him. I've loved the actor since I met him in SWAT and I love that he (and Olives, obv) are willing to play LGBT characters. The point itself is that I want Tommy to gain focus too, both as a member of the 118 family and as Buck's love interest.

I have theories and I've read theories (in fics) about why he was that way in eps begins and I can understand. I don't remember exactly what happened because my memory is terrible, but think about it. He, like Eddie, was part of the army (and we love gay stories between soldiers but we know how they can be in real life), and was under the release of a captain who had prejudices, yes. We don't know about his past, his family (at least I don't, besides fanfics) so the probabilities of why he was repressed and followed the old captain's orders are several. The one that holds me the most is fear and possibly internalized homophobia. In the army, we imagine people who don't break and who can handle whatever comes at them, and speaking of men in the armies, they are not seen as sensitive (stereotypes), and this is how the community tends to be seen by homophobes and the like. Now imagine a bi guy coming out of the closet and imagine the reaction. Another point is the old captain and how Tommy seems to want to be part of the 118 family (now), so I can imagine that he repressed himself to be part of the old "family" (not that I see them as family, because they weren't).

Talking about him now, I love how sweet this man seems to be. In the sense of understanding, we saw that he has that sarcastic and smart-ass bone that the whole team has (I love the scene of them going after Bathena). And the fact that he really worried about Buck and the possibility of ruining their friendship (Buck and Eddie), the kindness of the kiss (my god, I can't forget that kiss). I can really imagine Tommy being a guy who would understand Buck's discovery process, who wouldn't react badly to being the first man, the experiment (as I've read in fics). I think he would understand that Buck really has feelings for him (because we can't deny that the sparkle in Buck's eyes is there when he looks at Tommy) and that he's willing to really try something with a man even if he's scared (I hope, amen ). I think Tommy is the right guy to be Buck's first. And he knows 118 (to a point) and they're friendly, Eddie likes him, Chris likes him, and Chris and Eddie have strong opinions about people (the team too, of course, but talking about family Buddie, romantic or not between Eddie and Buck ). So Tommy already has the approval of the people most important to Buck, this already proves that he is a good person.

I want more of Tommy (god, I love this man)

Fourth point: Tuck (what's the name of their ship???)

I want to see a stable, healthy relationship between Buck and Tommy. I loved their chemistry, their kiss. And like I said, Tommy seems like the right guy for Buck's first times with a man. I think their relationship would be really cute to watch, both as a couple and in the process of developing it. Buck doesn't have a very good history with encounters, because he always tends to get hurt from them. I want it not to be like that with Tommy, I want them both to feel comfortable and to be really happy with each other. (I would love a Karen/Hen style scene in the ep where they get together for the first time).

I wouldn't mind at all if they were endgame (of course, again, I'd cry for Buddie, but I'd love it). I wonder if Buck will take him as his date to Maddie's wedding (because that would be a confirmation of their relationship, you know). I keep imagining so many possibilities for meetings and scenes between the two of them (as long as both actors feel comfortable, of course. Again, I love them.)

Now, if it's not endgame, there has to be an amicable ending, one that doesn't hurt either of them and they remain friends. Because I think it would be really sweet to see their friendships continue. The most important thing if the breakup happens (... I really hope not, despite Buddie) and that they don't put a woman as Buck's date next time and simply forget about his sexuality, treat it as just another open thing, he knows.

In short, I need more of them because I can't stop thinking about them

Fifth point: ep5

I have a lot of thoughts about what we've received so far.

First, the meeting. I think people are dismissive of Buck's reaction to both Eddie arriving and "it's my first date with a guy" because, firstly, I think it's important for Buck to feel comfortable. Imagine being so nervous about not doing shit, wanting to feel comfortable and good about being on a date with a man you like romantically and then your best friend (who thinks you're straight) walks up with his girlfriend. I hope Tommy understands that Buck didn't mean to treat him disrespectfully or that he didn't want the date, because we know that's not what it's about. I hope there's another date, one where Buck feels comfortable relaxing without the pressure of being with people you know because he's still discovering himself, and he needs to feel comfortable for that to happen without him feeling bad about it. , he knows.

Second, the strangulation. I love that Buck gets hurt anyway, but what gets me the most is Tommy's reaction. Because he wasn't there the other times (the plane, the bread, Lola, the truck, the tsunami, the shooter, the post-Daniel fire, the lightning. And those are the times I remember he almost died) when Buck almost died (and in the case of lightning, he died) or got hurt and I want to see how he will feel about the person he likes (because love still seems too early, again, I want it to be treated with sensitivity, not rush) getting hurt . I want to see him going after Buck and being careful and having a sincere conversation about the first date (we don't know how long it took from the date to the call) and feelings, and then I want a kiss and Tommy taking care of Buck (because this man doesn't know how to take care of himself).

I think that's it, actually. Of course, I still want to freak out a lot more.

Another point not related to Buck is Ravi. I loved that he was back (even if just a little). First, I loved his curls. Second, I loved his interaction with Buck and Eddie and him having no idea what's going on. I really want Ravi to be a main character, I want focus on him and his story. Like, I can only imagine what it's like to live your childhood with cancer and then become a firefighter and his trauma with the pier (traumas don't end that easily). Anyway, I want to focus on Ravi and more of him with Chimney (I love the brothers' relationship). I also want him having a romantic interest in someone (May or Albert, please) and him being pan (even more unlikely, but I can dream.

And I love the headcanon that Ravi thought Buddie were divorced, or that they were a couple so I want to see his reaction to Buck with Tommy.

Bonus: I don't remember the script exactly, but there's also the apparent scene where Eddie tells Buck to call Tommy (I think). So two points, Tommy wasn't an idiot because then Eddie wouldn't tell Buck to call him. And Eddie supports the two of them - if you take it in the sense that Eddie is supporting knowing that it was a romantic date, not a guy date. Or encouraging a friend to make peace with another.

And I'm pan, and probably ace, and probably bi gender too, so I know a little about the community, in case anyone thinks I'm just another straight guy talking without having any idea what he's saying, you know.

And that. For now.

[writingforfishes]

Otto and Atticus Lore 1: Mark's Hangover

The inspiration for this story came at the most inconvenient time. I was at work and as the images and sounds came to me, I had to fight hard to make it appear like I was actually present. The drive home was only successful because I had taken the way home so many times before as I was still stuck in the headspace. I mad-dashed this story when I got to my computer and ended up staying awake way too long to complete it. I edited it and changed it this morning.

This was NOT the story I was intending to create next! I hope it holds up tomorrow when I read over it after I've posted it!

I was also not intending on making a separate series on the lore of these two characters, but the asks in my inbox made me think about their pasts and inspired some deeper consideration on the plots and thoughts I already had in mind.

Disclaimers: This is a work of FANTASY. Otto and Atticus are such a good couple because I need them to be a good couple. This is not, for the most part, realistic. (Also, I don't even have a tambour style mantel clock, nor did anyone in my family.)

I don't know anyone who has a kink specifically for watching someone get aroused. If that kink does exist (or is just a normal way of people reacting), I'm completely unfamiliar with it and have created a possible fictional representation of a kink. Thus, any of Otto's thoughts are extrapolated from ideas I thought would be plausible. (I am very asexual.)

If anyone is familiar with the series Otto's character was based on, this is basically a rewrite of similar character dynamics. I give real-world reasons for the fantasy content in the series to have happened. I know nothing of police procedure or detective procedure.

I do not have alcoholism. I know a few people who are alcoholics, but I don't have personal experience with the feeling of being an alcoholic and the emotions that surround the disease. If I'm misrepresenting something here, I apologize.

CW (there will probably be quite a few in this one):

Representation of a hangover from an emotional drinking binge.

Allusion to Otto's past as an alcoholic and reflection as a recovering alcoholic.

Allusion to Otto's falling off the wagon at one point. (very brief)

Mention of Jana's addiction to prescription drugs and alcohol.

Mention of Jana and Mark's break up.

Uncomfortable hiccups that concern Otto.

Mention of throwing up and retching.

Hiccups that Otto thinks are suggestive of needing to throw up.

No depiction of emeto. Discussion of previous purge (very brief).

Verbal description of the sound of Mark's hiccups by Otto to Atticus.

Verbal description of Otto's hiccups from Atticus to Otto.

Arousal mention.

Arousal and follow through implication.

A small hiccup battle.

Otto being extremely patient and understanding.

Otto also being the Felix to Mark's Oscar.

I STG, children, just look up The Odd Couple.

Atticus being embarrassed.

Mark being embarrassed.

Otto being a well-adjusted bi.

Mark being a disaster straight.

Jana is not a bad person. I intend to prove this in future stories.

Alice is also not a bad person. Etc. Etc.

Realizing how much I do lean heavily in a masc cast. I don't know why that is. Ah well, it's my fantasy anyway.

Mention of Atticus' parents both no longer existing.

Long moments in the story where no hiccups occur.

Lots of exposition surrounding past events. (I know, I know. Show, don't tell. But I had a need to write it out.

Um, if there's other stuff please tell me?

Finally! The story!

It was 6:30am and Otto was just about to have his first cup of coffee for the day when he heard the stairs from the loft bed creaking with heavy, ambling footsteps. Otto watched with attentive curiosity as Mark lumbered into the kitchen in boxers and a white shirt.

“Hey HNGK’UH!…” the younger man muttered as he sat down heavily across from Otto and shielded his eyes from the lights.

Otto wordlessly got up, sitting his unsipped coffee on the table, and turned off the overhead light while drawing the shades of the small window over the sink to let in a softer natural light into the kitchen.

“HUNGK!”

Poor guy had a wicked case of hiccups, it sounded like, and Otto knew a bad case of hiccups. A few weeks ago, Mark had been on the witnessing side of a 5-hour case of hiccups to which Otto had been victim.

But Otto knew good and well this wasn’t just about a case of the hiccups. The hiccups were a consequence of Mark’s actions. Mark’s actions were a consequence of an exorbitant amount of alcohol had the night before at a bar after work. The alcohol binge was a consequence of the fact that the future life he’d been planning with Jana had been crumbling slowly around him after a whole bunch of unpleasantness and drama that proceeded the breakup.

Mark had been staying with Otto for a few months as Jana and his relationship started to disintegrate. Yesterday Mark had told Otto that Jana had come by the police station, where he worked, to retrieve the spare key to their previously shared house from him and give him some stuff that he’d found of his that she thought he might want back.

Otto figured the finality of it all probably hit Mark pretty hard when he got a call at around 1am. Mark was slurring into his phone so much Otto could barely understand him. He had Mark hand the phone to the bartender, and he was able to get the address and head over to retrieve the wayward detective. The bartender, consequentially, was Margie.

Margie did a very good job of taking care of Mark before Otto arrived. Otto was very appreciative of the gesture. She kept his friend safe. The next week he’d visit the bar again during the daytime and would be lucky enough for her to be working so he could give her more thanks. They would start to talk, and a friendship would form quickly, thereafter.

Like clockwork, a customary pun for a clock maker, Otto awoke at 6am despite the late night. He didn’t expect Mark to be awake until much later that day.

“Didn’t think you’d be up this early,” Otto said. He kept his voice soft and tried to minimize the sounds of his shuffling through cabinets. “How’re you holding up?”

“HNGK! I’m okay. Hiccups woke me. Could-HINGK!-couldn’t get back to sleep,” Mark replied in a hoarse voice just above a whisper.

Mark lifted his hand away from his face a little when he realized the lights weren’t as bright as they had seemed before. He squinted his dark blue eyes in Otto’s direction as he watched the taller man walk back and forth. He had to look away when he found himself getting dizzy while trying to follow Otto’s path. The dull ache of pain behind his eyes and sinuses made him squeeze his eyes and pinch the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

Mark wondered if Ralph would’ve been as respectful of his current condition as Otto seemed. Ralph would have, no doubt, treated his hangover with some humor. Maybe he would’ve spoken a little loud or turned on all the lights. Ralph might’ve been sensitive later to Mark’s plight, but his friend and work partner seemed the type to shock someone in his sad, hungover state with tough love.

Mark wondered if Otto might have had a little more experience with being in the detective’s similar situation than Ralph. Mark was not wrong in his thought process, impressive as it for his brain to have formed the thought in such a dehydrated and painful state.

Otto had taken the time, when he’d settled his friend down enough that he knew he wouldn’t wake and was safe from further purging, to silence all of the chimes and striking clocks he owned. Otto had, indeed, been in Mark’s shoes and physical state more times and to a greater degree than it was likely Mark had. One thing Otto remembered viscerally about those times is that he could’ve done with a little understanding and kindness despite the bad decisions that lead him to the consequences of his self-destructive behavior.

“Here,” Otto said as he sat a glass of orange-hued liquid beside Mark’s elbow. “It’s Emergen-C. Electrolytes and vitamins. You’re really dehydrated, man, and this is a quicker way to replenish that. Tastes like orange. This,” Otto held up a small pocket of wax paper folded over a small amount of powder, “is BC powder. Powdered Aspirin and caffeine. Quickest way to get some pain relief from that headache. You gonna puke? Those hiccups sound suspicious…”

Mark took a while to respond, his brain working on reserves with all of the pressure and pounding in his head. Right. The hiccups.

“Naw. Did all of that HNK!-that last night. HMGK! I always get these after a nigh-HNGK’M!-night like...like last night. Usually takes a HNK-UH! a while to stop. Nothing helps. Kinda like you-HNGK!-yours. Thanks,” Mark said as he took a swig of the glass. The Emergen-C’s light fizz felt refreshing even though the artificialness of the orange flavor was a little offensive.

Mark felt Otto’s warm hand on his shoulder before the older man crossed back to where he was sitting before.

Otto sat down and observed his friend’s pallor and slow movements. He had memories of his own struggles with hangovers. He also had memories of squelching those hangovers with more drinking. It was less ‘hair of the dog’ and more the whole damn canine. To be fair, it was an effective method for a while. Not really something that, Otto discovered, was sustainable.

“Yeah, just pour that powder in your mouth and wash it down really quick with the water. Trust me, you don’t want that taste to linger any longer than it has to,” Otto said as he watched Mark’s cautious handling of the wax paper.

Otto watched him make a face from the bitterness of the powder before the detective quickly gulped the Emergen-C flavored water as a chaser. Otto couldn’t help but give a little chuckle.

“You good?” the clock maker asked.

“Y-HUNGK!-Yeah. Ugh!” Mark exclaimed, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“It’ll help, I promise. I know you feel like crap right now. No real shortcut to a hangover, man, but you can treat the symptoms. If you’re feeling like it, I can fix us both some breakfast after I finish my coffee,” Otto said.

“Thanks. That might b-HINGK!-might be good,” Mark said sheepishly. He jerked with another hiccup and tossed his head to clear his dark hair from in front of his eyes. He regretted the motion almost immediately as he winced.

Just as Otto was finally starting to take a sip of his still steaming coffee, Mark spoke up again and Otto met his tired eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

Otto lowered the mug again, shaking his head.

“Dude, you don’t have anything to be sorry for,” he said with a sad smile. “Listen, man, you are going through some tough shit right now. I mean, I’m really glad Jana’s finally getting the treatment she needs. And you were a big part of that. And, well, you know, the whole malpractice lawsuit with that bitch blonde lawyer, Alice...whatshername moved that recovery along legally, but you were a part of it, too!”

Mark snorted at the cavalier summation Otto gave of his ex’s journey from addiction to almost losing her veterinarian license, to starting in a recovery program, to Jana realizing that she couldn’t hold up a relationship with Mark and recover at the same time. While he knew it wasn’t a personal attack, Mark couldn’t help but feel supreme grief in knowing that the person he fell in love with was going through something that, not only could he not help with, but that he was a hindrance in overcoming.

Not to mention he had purchased an engagement ring he had planned on unveiling at the right moment, which seemed perpetually postponed by upticks in crime and cases he couldn’t ignore. So, did he really blame her for not feeling safe in the relationship?

Otto was speaking again, and Mark looked up from his thoughts to listen. His body jolted again, and he was reminded that his hangover was still actively punishing him for his choices. The hiccups didn’t hurt, per se, but they were definitely hard, loud, and sounded pretty terrible.

“I mean, you know I’ve been in your place before. I mean, not exactly, but similar. No one would blame you for having a little self-destructive pity party. Just...not too many of them. Cause then you end up in the hospital 15-some-odd years later being told that your pancreas is on its last legs and one more drink could send you into a fatal situation. That’s...obviously specific to my experience, but you get it. Anyway, you got wasted cause you were grieving, and you asked your amazing friend who came to pick you up if he thought you were good-looking because for some reason none of the girls at the bar wanted to go home with the shit-faced drunk guy.

“And I meant what I said. You’re extremely hot and it’s so depressing that you’re completely so heterosexual. Like...painfully straight. Ugh!” Otto said, rolling his eyes dramatically.

Mark’s eyes had gotten so comically wide that Otto could see the bloodshot veins in the whites of them and the pink inflammation lining his eyelids.

“I HNGK-KUH!-I didn’t say all that, did I? HU’NGK!” Mark asked aghast as he rubbed his chest.

“You really did. Then you suggested we try being in a relationship because, and I quote, ‘you do guys sometimes, right?’ As if I haven’t explicitly told you my preferences. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered. But I just don’t think we’d make a good match.

“We have a dishwasher, Mark. We have a machine that does the dishes for us. In the kitchen. Next to the sink that has a garbage disposal. Why do we have piles of dirty dishes? Not to mention if I find your boxers in a load of my clothes one more time I...sneaky bastard. Like a thief except instead of stealing things you invade my loads of laundry, so you don’t have to do your own. Like that bird. What’s that bird? That bird who lays its eggs in the other bird’s nest and has them raise their babies, so they don’t have to? Fuck! Cuckoo bird! How the hell does a clock maker forget that?!” Otto exclaimed. “You’re like a damn laundry cuckoo bird forcing me to wash your underwear!”

Mark was having a struggle trying to coordinate his silent laughter with his forceful hiccups. His body jolted against the back of the chair again as Otto seemed to wind down.

“I swear, man H’UNGK!, I don’t remember any HNGK!-any of that. Seriously, I’m NGK!-I’m really sorry you had to deal with—ugh!” the silent hiccup thumped hard in his chest as it choked his words, “deal with me. Damn, these things are an-HNGK!-annoying!” Mark said, rubbing his chest again.

The detective did notice, though, that his headache had already started to fade. He still felt a little foggy and unsettled in his stomach, but he was already feeling better. He wasn’t sure it was Otto’s humorous distraction or the Emergen-C and BC powder. Perhaps it was a combination.

“You sure you’re good with the stomach stuff? Cause those things sound like little retches…” Otto said, still suspicious.

“Well, if you keep t-ANGK!-talking about the stomach stuff I might HNGK!-might start feeling sick, so…” Mark said, crossing his arms as he winced at another silent bodily jerk.

“Alright, alright. I’ll stop,” Otto said, holding up his hands.

“You’re not one t-HINGK!-to hiccup-shame. Mr. Five H-HUMPK!-Hours of Scary Ass Hiccups!” Mark exclaimed.

“Touché!” Otto said at the reference to the time the clock maker developed a case of hiccups that persisted for most of the day. When Mark suggested holding his breath, Otto’s body rejected the cure and gave him the fastest hiccups he’d ever had. Otto was sore for days after that night.

Otto finally touched his lips to his mug of coffee that was still quite warm. Mark chuckled before another hiccup hit him. As Otto swallowed, he gave his friend a questioning look.

“Ass hiccups,” Mark explained with a smirk. Otto would wonder later if Mark still wasn’t a little drunk.

Otto inhaled the coffee with a surprised laugh and started coughing violently. His coughing was interspersed with...well...hiccups.

“Shit! HUCK!” Otto exclaimed between coughing.

He looked up to find Mark covering his mouth, but mirth in his eyes, as he watched Otto’s struggles.

“No HNGK!-no way. Dude, do we seriously HNGKL!-have the hiccups at the same UNGK!-same time?” Mark guffawed.

“This is HULP!HMK!-this is all y-HMK!-your fault, man. HLMK! Dammit!” Otto said.

Mark just laughed again, another hard hiccup smacking into his chest and throat.

After a while, they both calmed down. For the next few minutes, it was quiet save for the call and response their hiccups played with each other. Otto continued to sip his coffee, stubborn to drink the warm beverage he was so looking forward to. Mark nursed the rest of the Emergen-C, energy that he had regained from before having dissipated as he stared into the residue on the inside of his glass.

Though Otto’s hiccups were still rapid they had decreased in strength while Mark’s stayed forceful and deep.

“HNGK!” Mark’s hiccups said.

“Hlp!Hip!” said Otto’s.

“HUNGK!…HMP’K!”

“Huck!-himp!mp!”

“HU’NGK!...UCK!...HMMNGK!”

“Huck!Huck’l!Hmpk!Mp!” Otto sighed at the fast cluster and patted his chest, muffling another hiccup behind his hand.

“Stop that!” Mark suddenly exclaimed.

Otto looked up from a paper he had begun to do the crossword on with confusion.

“You can’t t-HNGK!-tell me you’re not d-UMPK!-doing that on purpose,” Mark said.

Otto frowned, head jerking in more hiccups.

“You’re out hi-HILMK!-out hiccuping me. You’re doing one-HNGK!-one more hiccup each time,” Mark complained, grumpily sipping the last of his enhanced water. Most of it was, of course, put on. But he had genuinely wondered if somehow Otto was doing it on purpose, too.

Otto, for his part, had been oblivious to the hiccup war that Mark had been forging. But he smiled now, taking a haughty tone.

“Well…I am the hmpk!hip!-the sup—superior hic-hu’up!-hiccuper,” he said, battling through another cluster and putting a fist over his mouth as three more hit him in a row.

A beat past before they both erupted into giggling laughter at the ridiculousness. The laughter ended in both of them letting out a hiccup simultaneously, Mark’s “HINGK!” to Otto’s “Hi’ilp!” which sent them into another roll of laughter that perpetuated itself for a while before they both got tired and winded.

Otto’s hiccups ended before Mark’s and the detective ended up hiccuping for about an hour in total which left him feeling sore and tired. But Otto’s breakfast and subsequent lunch and pressuring his friend to drink more water helped Mark feel much better by the end of the day.

***

To be honest, Otto had been terrified that night when he got the call from Mark. Mark was a rational person who didn’t often let vices lead his actions. He had a very clear and logical leaning and seeing the man so out of character and destroyed shook Otto’s core. In addition, having to enter a bar again and seeing representations of himself in his worst times all around him being unnerving and unsettling in and of itself.

The main reason Mark and him had become the unlikely friends they were was due to a case of mistaken identity where Otto lived one street away from a man guilty of kidnapping and murder. Otto also fit the physical description of the man in question, which wasn’t much: a tall man with a beard and wild curly hair.

After Otto’s innocence was proven, he was still getting harassed by his neighbors who hadn’t gotten the news that the actual murderer had been caught and was being prosecuted. Otto had stormed into the police station with the dark-haired, blue-eyed detective in his sights. Before the police there could usher him out (forcefully) Mark stopped them and let Otto have his say.

Otto demanded that some representative of the police go around his neighborhood and clarify that Otto was, in fact, innocent. Additionally, someone had thrown a brick through his window, and he held Mark personally responsible for paying for said window’s replacement. Also, he hadn’t spent this many years getting his life back together as a recovering alcoholic to now be chased out of his home because of a crime he actually didn’t commit!

To Otto’s surprise, it was the lead detectives, Mark and his partner Ralph themselves who went around to every one of his neighbors and explained Otto’s innocence. They ended at Otto’s door with sincere apologies, especially Mark. He was, after all, the one who had tackled Otto to the front steps of his own house in the first place.

He was further surprised to see Mark at his door again a few days later. He gave him a check to reimburse the window and had another request for Otto. His girlfriend, he suspected, was abusing her prescription drugs and alcohol and did Otto know of any programs that could be of use. And could Otto, perhaps, be willing to help Mark understand some of what she was going through from a place of having gone through something similar? Mark didn’t understand addiction from a personal standpoint, and it was causing a rift between he and Jana that he feared was irreparable.

The request was incredibly personal and bordered on inappropriate and offensive, but something about Mark’s countenance endeared him to Otto. Otto could tell Mark was coming from a place of wanting to learn and though it was a heavy burden to share his vulnerability with a man who accused him from murder, he felt compelled to try and help.

So, Otto, who had been living a pretty secluded life up until that point, reticently decided to be of service to Mark’s questions. The friendship ended up being mutually beneficial. Otto hadn’t realized how his reclusive life had been gnawing at his mental health. It had gotten to the point where he was scared to do anything social for fear of losing control of his desires. Mark ended up being the soft introduction to an unexpectedly functional, safe friendship. It was something he’d never experienced before.

It took a while for Otto not to see Mark as some twenty-something cop made detective before they were mature enough to handle it when he couldn’t even handle his private life. And the clock maker was more than full of opinions about those facts that he didn’t at all hide from the detective during their friendship. But Otto’s gruffness was chipped away by Mark’s eagerness to learn and try to help his girlfriend, Jana. And perhaps if Mark had been more forward with Jana about that learning process and his intentions things might’ve ended differently. Finding out your boyfriend was talking about your most intimate personal struggles with a stranger was distressing and Jana was quickly losing trust in Mark and their relationship.

All said, Jana still remained part of their social circle throughout her recovery. And, of course, the story of the lawyer who led Jana’s prosecution which almost led to her losing her license and livelihood was a whole other story. Alice and Mark together. No one saw that coming.

***

Atticus continued to stroke and massage Otto’s scalp as he finished the recollection. Somehow, the clock maker’s head had ended up on Atticus’ lap while they both reclined in bed as he spoke. The writer often wondered if Otto was part dog with the way he’d flop on them at times and how much he appreciated his head massaged.

The story had started only because Atticus mentioned how they had a fantasy of Otto and another one of their friends having hiccups simultaneously. But, they were quick to caveat, if that actually happened, they wouldn’t know how they’d contain themselves. The fantasy was still a thought that gave them some arousal, though.

The fantasy reminded Otto of the one time both he and Mark had them simultaneously and his mouth ran away with the story.

“Wow. That definitely helps fill some gaps,” Atticus said. Learning more about the history of Otto’s friendships was enlightening.

Jana had moved a few hours away by the time Atticus had met Otto. She stopped by every now and then to reconnect, but Atty hadn’t been available for those sessions. After all this time, they still hadn’t met the person who’d, in many ways, triggered the events that led Otto to meeting them.

If Otto hadn’t been such good friends with Mark, and if Atticus hadn’t been a victim of a serial robbery in their old apartment complex, then Mark wouldn’t have known to suggest Otto to them after the thief had knocked an old clock Atticus had inherited from its shelf. That clock still existed and ran perfectly after Otto had repaired it. It was in the loft bedroom where Atty found themselves often to write or decompress. It was a tambour style mantel clock. Atty had it in their house growing up. Atticus didn’t even know which side of the family it was from. With both of their parents gone, they probably never would.

Clocks aside, Mark needing Otto’s guidance on Jana, in some twisted way, made it possible for Atticus and Otto to find each other. So, Atticus might owe Jana as much gratitude for them being together as Mark.

“Yeah, I forget you don’t know all of this stuff,” Otto admitted. Atticus seemed so integrated into his life that it didn’t occur to him to tell them how everyone connected.

All of Atticus’ friends were in their home state (or were relationships they’d made online). Once they’d moved, they had to make new connections. It just so happened, timewise, that Otto was one of those first connections.

“Mark was lucky to have you,” Atty said.

“Yeah, well, he saw me a lot worse than that later that year when I fell off the whole sobriety wagon. So…” Otto trailed off and seemed to snuggle his head further into the softness of Atticus’ thighs.

Atticus sighed. That story they’d heard. It wasn’t a pleasant one.

“You don’t have to do that,” they said. “Qualify your good deeds with having been more of a challenge to deal with at some other point in time. You’re a good person and you’re good at taking care of people. It’s okay to admit that.” Atticus scratched their short nails along the back of Otto’s head when they felt his neck tense.

“I know,” he finally said, breathing warmth onto Atticus’ legs in a huff. “I just wasn’t for so long...but...yeah, I know.”

“All I know is who I see, and who I see is amazing,” Atty said. They smiled as Otto turned on his back to look at them.

“Yeah, well, you’re pretty amazing, too,” Otto said, lips pulling back in a smile showing just a little bit of teeth, but it was a smile that met his eyes. “And that thing you said about not qualifying your positive traits? You’re gonna, like, do that too, right? Maybe give that one a place in the old self-talk dialogue?”

Otto’s finger reached up to tap Atticus’ temple as the writer glared at him.

“See? This is why I don’t give you compliments. Always got to turn them back on me. Like weaponized kindness. Smug bastard,” Atticus muttered.

Otto laughed.

“So what did they sound like?” Atty asked sheepishly.

“What?” Otto asked with a frown as he led one of Atticus’ hands to the middle of his chest and rubbed his hand over theirs. Atty had yet to figure out why Otto preferred their hand in that spot, but they felt honored, for some reason, to be led there.

“Mark’s…” they stuttered and stopped, then they tried again, “Mark’s hiccups.”

“Oh!” Otto said in understanding. Then he scrunched his brows again while thinking. Mark’s hiccups were so distinctive, and he was trying to figure out how to word the description accurately.

“They were kind of, um, gulpy? They seemed really powerful. Like each hiccup really rocked his body back. Um. Kind of wet, too? Not sure if that’s the right way to describe it, but it was like there was wetness in the back of his throat whenever he hiccuped that sort of...sounded...I dunno…” he struggled to find the word before he gave up and shrugged “...wet!”

“You said you kind of thought he was going to throw up at first?” Atticus asked.

“Well, I mean, yeah. But he didn’t. They were just really powerful and sort of...liquidy,” Otto said, still shaking his head with the inaccurate description.

“So, wet,” Atticus confirmed lamely.

“Yeah. Like the sound of someone who just drank something when they swallow. That sticky sound in the back of their throat, you know?”

“Oh yeah! Yeah, I know what you’re talking about! Okay...wow...actually that sounds kind of hot,” Atty said.

“Yeah?” Otto asked, grinning.

“Shaddup,” they responded grumpily.

“No, I think it’s cute. What do you like about mine?” Otto fished.

“You know, I like that yours are fast. As long as they don’t bother you too much.”

“Do I have any...hot sounding hiccups?” he asked. He was rubbing Atticus’ hand again.

“It’s just the variety,” Atticus said after a while. “Each hiccup is different. Each one is a surprise. I like when you muffle them and they get louder, and harder, and longer, one after the other, until you sound hoarse and have to open your mouth to let sharper ones out. I-I like what they do to your body. Gawd, Otto, your body moves with every hiccup. Your cute, soft belly jumps and jiggles so much and you do that thing where when your head is jerked back you blink like you’re surprised. And, just, the way you react, man. How you’re so casual with them but also trying to be considerate about them with other people or when you get a little annoyed that they’re interrupting you when you’re trying to say something it’s all just so...hot. Guh…”

Atticus could feel heat crawling up their neck in both arousal and embarrassment.

“Well damn,” Otto whispered.

“Sorry.”

“No, don’t be. I mean, when you say it like that, it does sound kind of hot,” Otto admitted. He put his fingers up to his mouth and started subconsciously nibbling at his cuticles in thought. “So, it’s not just hiccups but all the stuff around hiccups. I mean obviously it’s the body movements and the sound, but it’s more. It’s how I interact with my hiccups that’s some of what turns you on. The unexpectedness of them. Is it, maybe...Is it because I’m flustered by them?”

“Sometimes,” Atty admitted.

Otto nodded, squinting in more thought.

“I think...that’s sort of why I get turned on by seeing people aroused. They aren’t completely in control, so they just react without...being able to help it. And if they’re trying to hide it and I know it? That’s so hot. Seeing them interact with people and me knowing how hard they’re trying to keep control. Not exactly something we can ever roleplay, but it doesn’t take much when I notice that anyway. My favorite part is...well...watching them relieve the feeling. The myriad of emotion. Jeez. I dunno. My body just—and nothing else really triggers that arousal for me. Doesn’t matter how attractive someone is. It’s that. And I’m there in an instant,” Otto said.

“I can definitely understand that. Damn. It’s bedtime and I am so charged right now,” Atticus admitted.

“Me, too. You...you wanna watch one of those files I made for you? While-while I watch you?” Otto asked in a small voice.

Atticus gasped.

“Oh, gawd, can we? I didn’t even...I’ll get my ear buds. You probably don’t wanna hear yourself. Gawd, I want this so much!” Atty said.

That night as Atty watched the first video where Otto made his hiccups faster by holding his breath (recommended by Otto, himself) and Otto watched Atticus, the writer couldn’t be more grateful to Jana and Mark for their involvement in getting the two of them together. Never would Atticus had ever thought that a relationship could be this symbiotic and honest, that kindness battles were the worst of their spats, and that their most serious moments came from wanting to take care of each other and expressing their gratitude for each other.

[suncrat]

I forgot that I never posted my P5R ramblings so here they are:

Socra’s Random Ass P5R Thoughts:

-I got emotionally attached to Ryuji and then Ann and then Yusuke and I refused to swap any of them out of my party throughout the entire game and it annoyed my brother (who was presiding over my playthrough) to no end

-(this also made the Okumura boss fight really annoying for me)

-Ryuji and Ann are my kids. My sillies. My beloveds.

-my brother and I referred to Kamoshida’s boss fight as “castrating Kamoshida” so in the period where I was waiting to do the fight (in the real world, not in the game) he’d just randomly ask me “when are you gonna castrate Kamoshida”

-I went from a Makoto hater to a… somewhat Makoto enjoyer? From what I’ve heard I think I’ll like her more in Strikers

-I know Kasumi/Sumire is kinda set up as the main love interest girl or whatever in Royal but I never once wanted to date her (no hate on those who do though), my initial impression of her was that she was like one of those underclassmen who you take under your wing when you’re in school and joke about being your kid and stuff

-also let me romance the bros:((((

-I didn’t date anyone but if I had to I’d probably date Hifumi

-and if Joker wasn’t a fucking kid I’d date Takemi (I am not immune to hot punk doctor)

-and if I could romance the bros then I’d date Ryuji

-I was hoping and praying for Sojiro to take in Yusuke and I was very disappointed when it didn’t happen. Like who the fuck is taking care of him??? Doesn’t he need a guardian???????? He sent a text about eating fucking bread crusts once and I have never wanted to parent a fictional teenager more in my life

-Ryuji will say the gayest shit about Joker and then the game will remember he’s supposed to be the Straight Bro Guy™ and the overall experience is of someone who is very, VERY deeply in denial that he’s a lil bit of a fruit

-Ryuji: Thank you for being there for me dude I’ve never felt this way with anyone before and there’ll always be a place for you at my side

Ryuji, two seconds later: man I sure do love women

-(closeted bi disaster Ryuji methinks)

-Anyways you can pry queer Yusuke and queer Ann out of my cold dead hands

-my embarrassing confession is that I got lost in Kaneshiro’s palace like three times

-apparently I got close enough to having Mishima be my first Maxed confidant that my brother was getting concerned

-my brother told me that “if Yusuke asks you to go on an outing and you don’t commit, I’m never letting you play on my laptop again”

-I kinda hated Morgana towards the start of the game (mostly bc he was a dick to Ryuji) but he did grow on me around the 3rd palace. Then I got to the 6th palace and got back on my Morgana hater arc. My final opinion is that he’s just a lil hater but he’s alright. He’s lucky he’s cute

-I am not really a Mishima enjoyer but I think I have far less negative feelings about him than most of the P5 fandom. It doesn’t sit right with me that the game obviously wants the player to laugh at him even after showing that he went through bullying and abuse- characters like Yusuke have funny moments/lines while also having their trauma be validated, but Mishima isn’t allowed to have that and it feels kind of shitty

-so uhhhh for some reason my game skipped the entire middle phase of the Akechi fight?????

-when Maruki was bonding with the tentacles and said something to them like “I’m yours to use” my brother gave me a look like “don’t you dare fucking say it”

-(I said it)

[the-angriest-author]

Writeblr intro

Hallooo..

not sure if I'm doing this right... tbh, idek what to put on here. Anyhow, I've been writing for about two years now (YAY!!). I mostly write poetry although as I write this most of my posts are short stories of the fantasy variety. I like reading swoon-worthy romances so if you write anything that makes me blush and kick my feet like the teenage girl I am, I will follow you and maybe stalk all your posts. If you are the grammar police I must warn you that you will be forced to arrest me after reading my posts (I'M WORKING ON IT, not really tho).

I've been on Tumblr for idk how long but I keep ghosting the app (Life and whatnot) I'm craving community, especially with fellow authors, maybe ones with more writing experience (I am a newbiiieee). Guys... I swear I won't ghost again 🤭.

And here are all my labels for all my lovely people:

She/Her

WOC

Queer (bi or pan idek man this sexuality shit aint for the weak of heart)

Retired Stoner (Moved to a place where I can't smoke)

Raging bitch (Moved to a place where I can't smoke)

Capricorn Sun, Sagittarius Moon, Capricorn Rising (Raging Bitch)

Not actually a raging bitch, just think it's funny (Please like me)

ADHD (Prone to run on sentences and overusing parentheses)

Chronically misunderstood (Capricorn)

Very Annoying (Sagittarius Moon)

Certifiably Woo-Woo (Hence the astrology references)

Not Funny (I think I'm hilarious and spent 5 minutes straight laughing at this little section)

Current WIPS

To The Stranger Who Stumbles ~ A collection of poetry written during a time of my life when I was experiencing some intense change and coming to terms with certain childhood events that were... not so fun.

Genre: Poetry

Word Count: 5953

Stage: Beta Reading (message me if ur interested)

The Mad ~ Mildred the Mad and her crew of dangerous and mythical women are charged with kidnapping and delivering the Seelie Prince to the Unseelie kingdom. But with every plan comes complications, some in the form of brooding king's guards.

Genre: Fantasy, Romance, Action

Tropes: Enemies to Lovers, Found Family

Current Word Count: 4434

Stage: ROUGH DRAFT and planning

P.S. My messages are open! Let's connect!

Published Works

The Hidden (w)Hole of a Heart ~ Literally my whole heart shat out onto paper. But seriously tho it's available on Amazon now and I would appreciate any support. In actuality, it's a story about a young woman (Yours Truly) coming to terms with her deeply feeling nature and Depression. The poems describe the heaviness of emptiness and the overwhelmingness of intense emotions.

Excerpts:

Haunted House

Feelings stick to my walls like ghosts,

How is an exorcism performed on a memory?

How do I let them pass through me?

An Apology to The Crone

Pressing my tiny fleshy palms to my ears,

I refused to hear the wisdom of the crone.

Her voice was scratchy with use,

As she warned me of my journey.

I’d close my eyes with every disaster.

The niggling feeling would whisper a wrong,

And I’d pray to God my feet were swift,

So, they could carry me away.

I’d refuse to harden,

Reasoning that beauty is only found in the soft.

I waited to be taken by my knight.

I never cared that the gleam in her armor was an illusion.

I stand unprepared for the cruel world.

Preserved in my maidenhood.

Having grown tired of disobedience, 

The crone has abandoned me.

Only now do I see the clarity of your wisdom,

I will forever be sorry.

A Terrible High

on occasion

there are quiet moments

where minds begin to fill blanks

when small things grow

rock to boulder

smashing me against the ground

flat

nothing 

2D

I’m nonexistent.

If I were nonexistent

the boulder would simply blow through

and I’d be nothing.

And I’d be okay.

[seeinginthedark]

Incase you missed the memo, we are in a spiritual war .

We are reaching a crucial stage of it. This war extends into the ancestral realm . I won’t get into all of the details of this war, in this post .

But currently , we are losing in this war.

Sometimes, it feels hopeless and I think to myself all the time , what is the point of even continuing on with it.

But I refuse to give up. I will keep doing what I can to assist in the effort. In whatever way that looks like. In the past I would help others in my surrounding community. But right now , I am stuck at home so I make these posts .

This post will detail to you the signs and indicators that you may be a spiritual warrior. You don’t have to be spiritual and believing in love and light , to be a spiritual warrior . In fact, a lot of spiritual warriors are dark or really in touch with their darkness . And reluctant to participate in this war. But I believe there are those of us that are meant to be fighting in this war. For Earth . And humanity.

Signs that you may be a spiritual warrior.

When u were a child , you believed or imagined that you had magical powers.

You felt other peoples emotions as your own since you were very young.

You are stronger than most people , emotionally and physically.

You are homeless or have experienced homelessness.

You have had supernatural or paranormal experiences throughout your life . Or you have been abducted.

You don’t fit into society and never wanted to . You do not follow the herd, or status quo. You aren’t “woke”.

You are genuinely worried about where we are headed in this technological age that we are heading into .

You are unable to be hypnotised.

You have felt some kind of connection to the spirit realm.

You have felt connected to some of the gods and goddesses of mythology, on a personal level. You have felt them reach out to you. (Not through technology though).

You notice that you are more responsive to emergencies than others and you are brave in times when others are not brave.

You have survived horrible trauma .

You think that you are a star seed .

You think that you are gender fluid, non- binary or trans .

You identify as a shaman or a witch or another kind of magic person.

You attract dead spirits of people .

You are battling or you have in the past battled with addictions. And battled with mental illness.

You have a diagnosis of bi-polar or ADHD. Or schizophrenia or Autism.

You recieve prophecy on intense global events. Such as natural disasters, earthquakes, volcanoes etc .

There are more signs and indicators but I can’t think of them all right now.

Currently , as I said, we are losing in this war and we are losing more spiritual warriors every day in all sorts of ways. One of the ways we lose them is because of the relentless and toxic social programming. And social trends . We have many of us being born from magic bloodlines . But , they are getting compromised and falling into the illusion and self absorbed labeling of themselves thinking that they are gender fluid , non -binary , trans , or star seeds. Or they simply are tired of fighting in life and sadly suicide themselves.

The side we are fighting in this war, is not human.

They are inter-dimensional and semi-robotic.

They won’t stop until they have drained every last bit of humanity out of us. Ok . Transhumanism is part of it. A take over of our afterlife processes is also part of it. Also the assault on Mother Earth, our home. Aspects of this war are being battled in the spirit /astral realm, which is above time. It is a timeless war. It has been happening in the past, in the present, and in the future .

We have allies in this war. But our communication line with our allies has been systematically sabotaged throughout history.

Our allies are or were:

Some of the Deities and Demi-gods from mythology, human ancestors and ancestral beings , dead spirits of soldiers that died in the world wars, dead spirits of shamans, inner earth beings , Earth spirits of land , air, waterways and fire spirits, “demons” or “djinns” , some angels ( that didn’t sell out ) and there are a few inter- dimensional helpers .

There are no “positive well meaning” alien federations coming to help us . This is a deception from our enemies. I won’t elaborate here , right now , about that .

These allies of ours , live in a realm that is above time or outside of time. That means that things that happened 5000 years ago on our timeline , only happened to them in the last few months , or less. If you have managed to reach your 5th dimensional self , you will understand that time is a circle and not a linear line.

If you think that you are a spiritual warrior , do not give up hope. Do not give up on yourself. As the world descends into chaos , you do not descend into despair. You find clarity . You stand strong and continue to be brave . Help is on its way, ok. It is. Hold the fort. Resist the social programming. Help the weak. Choose kindness and collaboration. Be aware of your triggers . Arm yourself with as much information as you can. Connect with your ancestors if you can. Don’t give up. The Earth needs you. You were chosen for this.

[donaviolet]

｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆ WELCOME TO MY CHAOTIC SILLY UNIVERSE >:3 ｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆

Sooo there's a lot of stuff I want to pin but I can only pin one thing at once so I decided to make a masterpost/welcome post!!

first of all here are some cool links :D

Mega Compilation of Cursed Reaction Pics

Site where you can make these heart locker gif thingies

Picrew Database

NASA site with a lot of stuff

Astronomy Picture of the Day

Fonts generator

Some art reference sites

DND Assets

Site where you can download these cursed blue emojis

How to download YT videos without these weird websites

Food Timeline

List of Gemstones

Website for downloading any video

Color Blender

How to find a very specific word you don't know the name of

Video essays about horror

RPG / Videogame-making assets

A LOT OF EXTRA LINKS. A LOT. (They're very cool tho <3)

Super Secret Link Do Not Click

Now abt me!!

✧Feel free to call me Donaviolet, Violet or whatever you want to :>

✧INFP, she/they, bi disaster🩷💜🩵 , brazilian, still a minor 💪✌️👍

✧ I speak portuguese, english and german, and I'm currently also learning french, spanish and russian

✧ I love writing, drawing, listening to music, playing games and being silly in general. I also love space and plan on becoming an astrophysicist!!

✧ AND I have a lot of OCs and I am creating an original story called The Day The World Restarted! I haven't posted about it properly yet but I promise one day I'll introduce the characters and explain the plot 🫶🫶 feel free to ask about it I will gladly answer!! (this was originally meant to be an oc ask blog but yea)

✧ If we become mutuals you will be forever my beloved pookie theres no going back /hj

✧ I often queue my reblogs, so if I like your post and then some months later it randomly appears that I reblogged from you, this is what happened :P

✧Some fandoms I'm into: Danganronpa, Bungou Stray Dogs, Undertale, Deltarune, Vocaloid, The Owl House, Omori, Spiderverse, Lord of the Rings, Mob Psycho, FNAF, Goncharov, Studio Ghibli and yes I had a Genshin/Honkai phase lol (there might me some other fandoms too, but I either already left them or forgor)

✧ Other stuff I like: RPGs, space (again) cats, mushrooms, cottagecore stuff, cute stuff (and for some reason creepy stuff too), stories and myths, strawberries, and you! <3

✧ My favorite music bands/musicians: Cavetown, Madilyn Mei, Mitski, Lemon Demon, Tally Hall, Will Wood, Panic! At The Disco, Kikuo, Toby Fox, Arctic Monkeys, Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, Jack Stauber, Odetari, Gorillaz and I guess I could go on for centuries lol, I love music ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

✧ I lied I don't like cats. I LOVE cats. theyre just perfect lil skrunklies. most adorable thingies in the world. I really hope to have one someday

✧ Part of the Shadow Wizard Money Gang

✧ Please DNI if you're a proshipper, homophobic, transphobic or anything of that kind

thats it for now baiii :3

[jaesrri]

So idk if anyone cares much, but I just gotta throw this out there-

DND Tumblr, send us some luck. I beg of you.

We open session tomorrow with initiative rolls and the facts are these:

We are level 8

Our playgroup is insane-we have a fully homebrew world, run Valda's Spire of Secrets from Mage Hand Press alongside most official 5e content and any other shiny bits that suit us

No really we're nuts. We have 1.6 conlangs (one full, a dialect thereof, and a few extra phrases) This campaign has already spawned a prequel novel, two prequel one-shots, thousands of words of prequel and concurrent text roleplay, an in-universe romance novella, and at least the threat of a prequel detective fiction-of-some-length. Plus assorted art, and an intro and an outro vid, and many, many playlists

The party consists of:

a 13 year old half drow necromancer who isn't exactly an orphan. Raised by the third of her mom's poly triad (terrorist cell leader, jealous AF, sus). Recently chosen as high priestess of Drow goddess of Death we.... May have released/awakened.

A playboy human guardsman (short king, twink, disaster bi) witch/fighter with two souls and royal blood. Also a very good loving mom and stepdad and lotsa excellent (vulnerable) siblings. Recently discovered blood dad and niece rather more questionable

A big (very strong, bit fat, busty) human Magani (oppressed desert culture- the conlang is theirs) fighter/cleric (battle master/twilight) and reluctant Prophet. Her boyfriend (secretly husband (secret wedding 4 in-game days ago)) is Magani by blood but not culture and also a state official (now rogue but not yet officially caught) ((Me!!!))

A Magani amethyst dragonborn aberrant mind sorcerer with a taste for gossip and a successful shop (girlfriend is half-orc craftsman smith- super sweet n talented, shit at finances). Incapable of minding her own buisness

Fairy mad bomber alchemist with a history as an expert fireworks maker and family back home in another country. Here investigating/troubleshooting fuckery in the Dreaming (existential threat to our world). In over their head (we all are)

Human warmage rebel/spy with serious history and beef with the imperial establishment. Recently reunited after 10 years with her sister. Things are rather tense, since said sister is now a warlock of a powerful member of the government (not quite as bad as it sounds, but very awkward)

We have 2 allied NPCs for this encounter, our fighter/cleric's boyfriend (husband), an eloquence bard (9th, poss 10th lvl), and one of the two high government officials that's been trying to make nice with us (sus, but we're pretty desperate) (sister's patron) who is a 20th level Wizard

Our opposition:

one equivalent government official who is absolutely opposed to everything we care about, is genocidal (Magani are probably next), and may infact be some sort of planar horror stuck here for reasons not yet understood. Also a slimy bastard.

And his pet horror who is strongly theorized to be our necromancer's dad, transformed and magically leashed. TBD if there's any of him left

Also of interest

None of us are full up on spells, including our npcs

Being caught doing magic by anyone but our friendly govt guy would be bad

I, (fighter/cleric) gave our witch/fighter my steel sword to hold onto, for I am in possession of the hilt of my ancestor's Thoughtblade which was broken in his last stand. I have learned that in order to reforge I I must simply (not easy) believe. So if I don't believe sufficiently I have no weapon

My steel sword is the only weapon our witch/fighter has, having given his rapier to his younger brother on parting and accidentally left his whip hanging in the coat-closet of the burlesque club we just left.

Our warmage is low-key actively plotting to throw the govt wizard NPC to the creature

Once again, the creature might be our teen necromancer's long lost dad

We have no idea what the super villain govt guy is packing. Wizard? Sorcerer? Horrible abomination? We just don't know

Things we (meta) know

The Dm has said the creature's statblock is unfair

That we should remember running away is an option

That the 20th lvl Wizard would find this challenging

There are five battle maps prepared "In case you do the smart thing and run"

"If you guys play this smart, you may all live to escape. If you guys are very smart, you may even defeat it. If you guys run in like a bunch of idiots, you *are* going to lose PCs. Maybe even permadeath, or very hard to cure death at least."

My character's whole deal is protecting people

We are *not* smart

Several of us are very adverse to allowing collateral damage. Others don't care much

This is a big city. Most of us don't know it well.

We should remember running away is an option

Thank you and I'll update on the fallout after. Hopefully without a blank character sheet in hand.

[ipegchangbin]

I'm the most disaster bisexual because I love boypussy and girldick and boydick and girlpussy (anything else out there too tbh), and we sooo need more of these in the world. Thank you for your incredibly delicious boypussy service z <33

this is very true and real. i too am a disaster bi (turning into monstrous bisexual biohazard) and this genderfucked genitalia mix & match makes my brain run laps. i really want to make something new out of these concepts but give me 900 months to perfect the clitdick juice recipe

psssstttt i have ideas for the rest of skz and they will involve a mix of boypussy and girldick :))

thank you for sharing your love over my works <3

[tamsinbeybey-she-no-porcupine]

2023 Character Wrap

Top 9 characters for the year.

1.) Major Anthony P. Havers-BBC Ghosts

aka my soft boy.

(Surprise the self-proclaimed Havers lunatic loves Havers 😉) Just know this man stole my heart in 2021 in under 4 minutes (the microexpressions fml) and this year it was my highlight to see him again. He's kind, protects the man he loves from ridicule, has a boyish grin and a cheeky streak. He likes dancing. He fell for his beau because he was attracted to his kindness. He's been through it and continues to go through it 😢Also PSC answered my question about him and I'm still screaming about it to this day🥺💖

2. The Captain -BBC Ghosts

aka my creaky boy.

He is silly, kind, gay and autistic, a dad, sometimes bitchy and one of my most beloved characters ever. Also so gorgeous and a little bit pathetic. I adore him with all my heart and soul. Blorbo from my shows.

3. Thraxus Boorman -Willow 2022

Sarcastic, great fighter, loyal, kind but he'll jump of cliffs to deny that (literally), the funniest character of 2023 and an absolute iconic bi disaster. He's a classic rogue, as is his absolute badass girlfriend.

4.) Joe Pritchard -The light in the hall

aka Joe, babes

Such a brilliant character, somehow really dark and mysterious but ultimate kicked puppy vibes. He'll keep you (and himself) guessing until the end if he really killed someone. He has amnesia due to traums. I really wasn't sure until the end if he did it or not. Amazing character. My Boy needs 1 million hugs.

5.) Graydon Hastur-Willow 2022

aka Graydon, babes aka Prince of darkness

A prince who loves learning esp. languages, very, very dark past, kind, loving, just some guy in love, easily corrupted but he's fighting it. and as it turns out he has a gift for magic. The sweetest love confession ever.

6. Barbara Parker/Sophie Straw-Funny woman

Gorgeous, hilariously funny, smart, sweet, standing up for what she believes in and makes her way in an industry that only treasures her because of her looks. But she makes them see how brilliant her brain is.

7. Sir Humphrey Bone -BBC Ghosts

aka Humphrey my goldhaas

Awkward, kind and odd. He deserves all the love in the world and to be seen and loved for who he is. This year he's getting revenge on those who ignore/mistreat him and I am here for it. Boy is not the best listener though.

8. Lord Adam Quinn -A kind of spark

aka my pretty evil princess

He is legit evil okay. But idgaf. Great villain and his modern day equivalent makes me weak in the knees. Portrayal wise he is also a small amount of ridiculous and I love that.

9. Robin the caveman - BBC ghosts

aka my chaos gremlin

Kind, wise, chaotic little gremlin also sometimes more the family dog than anything else. Loves space. Utterly hilarious and tragic at the same time. His worst trait is incest according to him. I love him so much I'm gonna get a tattoo that's just about him.

To be fair I have a plethora of beloved characters that rotate in my brain 24/7 but these nine were either new or in special focus this year. Ghosts hyperfixation is at it's absolute peak, I was barely able to watch anything else. Also I watched some things that didn't leave me with a favourite character 🤷🏻‍♀️However honourable mention has to be Allan from Barbie.

I'm tagging @hollow-ghost-fire , @unusual-ly ,@ineffablelunatic , @tonightwedance and @realismreading

[kieranwritess]

COD MWII x Cyberpunk 2077 AU Brainrot

Fandom: Call of Duty

Characters: 141, LV, Graves, Laswell

Notes: cw for graves /lh, perhaps a bit of implied soapghost, bisexual soap, bisexual johnny silverhand, probably ooc but i do what i want ❤️

a/n: inspired by @yeyinde and my midnight-fueled obsession :) I'll probably make a part two to this because it's now my baby. knowledge of Cyberpunk 2077 is recommended because I reference in-universe characters. yes it's very niche, no I don't care.

- set in 2077

- they would all hate Johnny Silverhand. no exceptions.

- Soap's a little sad he shares a name with that fellow bi disaster bastard tho

- in a similar vein, they'd probably not be too fond of River; Price would envy him for his naivety and Gaz sees himself in River

- fanon Rogue and Price would 100% bond over being mother hens to a ragtag group of idiots

- Graves but Meredith Stout

- no questions asked

- the bitch would work for Militech or some other arms corp

- probably Militech because it is very American™ and he's a little yeeyee boy

- i might have Rudy's characterization wrong, but I feel like he'd have started in the NCPD like River

- poor boys only wanted to make the world better but instead Rudy became jaded and is sort of resigned to his job like Han

- Alejandro would be his buddy from Heywood who was always trying to get him to quit the force

- Ghost is probably the most like V in terms of skills and attitude

- but he's not some gonk kid who wants to make it big, he's made it big

- fixers either love him or they hate him

- one of those "going down in a blaze of glory" dudes

- would never work with Dex, though, and is especially relieved he never did after he hears about the Arasaka heist

- Price: veteran, but in a Mitch way and not a 6th street way. I feel like he had the potential to be a fixer, but wanted to try to have a quiet life after the war (Price bbg, there is no such thing as a quiet life in NC)

- is kind of like Takemura in the sense he'd love to run off and join a nomad clan (because fuck this place, honestly)

- but NC is all he knows and he has people he cares about there (read as: poor dude is attached to the 141 boys)

- Johnny (Silverhand) respects him, even if Price wants to rip him a new one every second they're around each other

- he could definitely become a mentor figure to V and would consider joining up with them if they take The Star ending

- honestly, i can still see Laswell working for the NUSA government

- but I'm not sure how we'd get a connection between her and the 141

- fuck logic, Price and Kate are still besties

- Soap and Panam get on like a house on fire

- a propensity for a little rule breaking and an affection harbored for an authority figure (i'll let you decide in what sense) brings them together

- I probably hc Gaz as younger than he actually is, but he gives off baby solo vibes

- brb thinking back to Jackie and V at the food stall outside of H10 and crying about it

- anyways

- Gaz would probably be the most like streetkid V

- bro knows his way around local fixers

- hc that Ghost and Gaz met on a job before Ghost made it big time

- and Ghost is all "I work alone >:(" but they discover that they work well together

- again thinking back to the streetkid intro, albeit Ghost is nowhere near the same as Jackie personality wise

- they probably grew apart after Ghost becomes a solo

- but Ghost is the first one to suggest Gaz when asked to put together a team for a big job (i.e. the heist but it doesn't go sideways)

- and yeah imo that's how c77!141 is put together

- Ghost knows Gaz, Gaz grew up around Price, and Price knows of Soap through the grapevine

- I guess to "convert" each of them into ttrpg factions, Soap is a techie, Ghost is a solo, Price is prolly a fixer, and Gaz might fall under lawman (as a PI or something)

- i am making less and less sense so I'm gonna stop here for now

[punkishtoxtricity]

YOUR TURN!!! SHARE YOUR HEVISAURUS HCS IF TOU HAVE ANY BATS MY EYELASHES

i have many so bear with me if u will

herra hevisaurus

-he’s a very big fan of certain metal bands from around the world. i think the german version canonized him being a rammstein and metallica fan

-the beef with helene fischer is also personal. i feel like something had to have happened to make him not like her that much

-just a silly lil guy! he loves trying new things and doing dangerous stuff that often gets him into trouble(riffi usually gets him out tho)

-he’s pansexual to me. i think he loves everyone!

-also the english version of jee hevisaurus has him saying yall so. he would be southern if he lived here in america

riffi raffi

-the watchful one of the group. i think he’s the oldest along with the quietest. he gets everyone out of trouble and is generally a good help around the house and on tour

-the little tiny wings idea you had was so real he totally does

-also the trans masc idea is so true. i think his top surgery scars would be flames or something cool. or not bc he’s a dragon

-he paints his nails. i will not take question on this

-i think it’d be funny if as a dragon his fav song to play on guitar to play is through the fire and flames. i think he likes complicated rifts and likes being challenged

-gay methinks

muffi puffi

-(insert the thing that chrissy chapleka said about “she’s not dumb dumb. well she is dumb but not in that way. she’s actually a radical leftist!)

-he’s plotting something i can feel it

-he is autistic you’re so true. i think he’s really into monster trucks (herra wrote monster auto for him) if he was american he would be a monster jam fan

-bi disaster. i will not explain myself

-he probably had a crush on any good bassist he liked. so the chick from maneskin, and mikey way

komppi momppi

-he’s tired of everyone’s shit

-he be drumming so late into the night that riffi has to tell him to stop so they can sleep

-also he wears a nightcap and that thing scrooge wears to bed. idk it just feels right for him

-he LOVES horses. he rides them, researches them, he’s in on the horse drama on social media. he could tell you 300 horse facts and you wouldn’t be able to stop him

-also yes he is def a polyglot. i think he speaks everything with a very on point accent

-no kato is his vocal stim. this is true i am him

-the app makes his voice that of a surfer dude, i think he would surf in his free time

-he’s ace panromantic. i can’t explain this one it just feels true

milli pilli

-silliest girl ever. she does some light crime. riffi lets her as a treat

-she prefers keytar to her regular keyboard but usually opts out of it on stage bc her legs be hurting

-chaos ball of the group. none of them can keep her from doing crazy stuff so they just let her

-lesbian. also won’t explain this one

-she plays the most out there video games you can think of. like she loves lsd dream emulator

-she’s also a horror fan. idk why

general

-whenever they stop in a city they haven’t been before, komppi plans a couple things to do in that city and everyone follows him around

-all of them like theme parks. especially the one shown in ugala bugala

-they like pokemon. no this isn’t me projecting

-once a week one of them picks a show and they all sit down and binge the whole things over a couple days

that’s all i got for now

[impishtubist]

Hahaha yes yes you're right. BUT you have to admit that harry notices quite a lot about him in the books. Like "oh man I hate him so much, but look at him! His eyes!" my point is.. It's not as far fetched as dramione or something lol

I'm not really into drarry either, but the fanart is so gorgeous, it really teases me

Yeah, Harry's convinced that Draco is a Death Eater (and he's right!), so of course he's going to be watching him and noticing him! No one else is paying attention, so Harry's got to do it! It has nothing to do with attraction, Harry would never be attracted to a DE. If he's noticing anything physical about Draco, it's because Harry is a bi disaster who is still working through his sexuality. Do you remember how many times he called Sirius handsome in the books? How obsessed he was with noticing how pretty Cedric was? How he went on and on about Bill's appearance? How his world literally ended and he couldn't stop thinking about Ron when Ron stopped talking to him??? Harry's just a walking bi disaster, it has nothing to do with actual attraction to Draco.

Also idk what fanart you're looking at, everything that crosses my dash and slips through my Drarry filter is a couple of twinks that I don't recognize. Much like how most Sirius fanart is just Bellatrix with Sirius's name slapped on it.

Sorry anon you will not find an OUNCE of Drarry love here 😂 You tried so hard! I really admire it! But I am a hater and I hate it a lot!!

[howdoyouwhiskit]

Intro Post

Saw some of my mutuals do an intro post to pin to their page so I figured I'd do it too cause why not? Putting it under the cut cause its mostly just rambling.

About:

Sage (they/it/neos) + 26 + polyam nonbinary aspec (demiromantic greyasexual) lesbian + auDHD and mentally ill + physically disabled

Current Special Interests/hyperfixations: Disney World, House MD, BBC Sherlock, and CWs Supernatural

Past Special Interests/hyperfixations: witchcraft/paganism, Sailor Moon, the Sims, and makeup/skincare

Feel free to send asks/dms about any and all current or past SpIns or hyperfixations!!

Fandoms:

At its core this has always been a multifandom blog but currently I'm mainly a House MD blog. I can and will post about other fandoms as I see fit/want to. Most likely candidates will be BBC Sherlock, Supernatural, and Star Trek: TNG. I do like Sailor Moon, Criminal Minds, Prodigal Son, and My Babysitter's a Vampire so those may show up too.

House MD specific shit:

I'm a multishipper and really into queer and neurodivergent headcanons. Gonna list my most common ships/headcanons here.

Ships: Hilson, Choreman, Chase/Park, Taubner, and Hudson

Queer headcanons: I firmly believe no one in the main cast is cishet and can even be queer in multiple different interpretations but some of my faves are bi arospec House, nonbinary Thirteen, genderfluid Chase, transmasc lesbian Park, and gay Taub!

Neurodivergent headcanons: House, Cameron, Chase, and Thirteen are all autistic. Kutner and Park are auDHD. Basically everyone is mentally ill in some fashion.

Tags:

Tagging is a lawless land on this blog. Sometimes I tag ships/fandoms sometimes I don't. I mostly use the tags as a place to yammer on about whatever I want.

I have three AUs/headcanons I've created/co created that may or may not have content tagged. These are:

#ppth nonsensical polycule (A polycule created by the hivemind of me and my friends. No it doesn't make sense. Yes its OOC. No I do not care.)

#comphet savior complexes (This is my tag for the disaster that is the Wilson/Cameron comphet relationship. I haven't really developed it much but I plan to so here it is)

#nonbinary thirteen truther (As my blog title may suggest, I really like this headcanon. Posts I think fit into this and/or meta I make will probably be tagged with this)

I try and tag common triggers such as suicide, self harm, abuse, etc but I am not always the best. Please let me know if I miss a tag or if you need something specific tagged!

Sideblogs:

@queer-eclectic-witch (My witchy sideblog - don't use often but its there)

@thenoblehouseofdrarry (A sideblog from when I was into Harry Potter. I no longer support JKR but also don't want to delete it. Its there if you want to look at it, but I am no longer posting)

I also have a rarely used venting sideblog. I wont link the URL but based on the description its pretty easy to tell if its me. I ask if you somehow find it and we talk on a regular basis to please ask me before you follow!