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invisibleanonymousmonsters · 5 years ago

Text

no grave can hold my body down – 1/2

Character: Jason Todd x Fem!Reader

Summary: It took time to get Jason Todd away from the darkness. Sometimes it felt like he was always standing at a tipping point, at risk of completely losing himself. But not when he was with her. She made him better and she would continue to make him better.

Word Count: 5,500

A/N: I am very new to this fandom and extremely nervous to write something for it. To clarify, I have not read any of the comics. But I’ve watched a lot of the TV and movie adaptations, and have done a lot of research. Jason is much older in this – like 30? – and therefore the rest of the BatFam is older, as well. But this takes place after Jason Todd is resurrected, but is still on rocky territory with his family.

Jason dropped down to the fire escape of his apartment with a quietness that seemed impossible for how large he was.

On the other side of the small fire escape, Y/N sat with a blanket over her lap, a book in her hand, and a mug of coffee balanced perfectly on the metal grates.

“Thought I told you not to wait up for me,” Jason greeted, knowing she noticed his arrival, but just kept reading her book. His book, to be precise.

It was almost 4AM and Jason had called it a night after taking out an entire drug cartel. It had been a lot of waiting, until it finally led up to 20 minutes of utter chaos. He left them on a silver platter for the police to arrest them and actually clean up the mess.

Y/N finally looked up at him and he saw how tired her eyes seemed. But she gave him a soft smile, clearly happy to see him home and...alive.

A pang of guilt went through him. He did that to her.

“Couldn’t sleep,” she told him with a shrug.

Jason slowly nodded. Then he nudged his head towards the book, “Jane Eyre again?”

She smirked. “It’s a comfort read.”

He smiled back at her – which she couldn’t even see, because he was still wearing the red helmet that covered his entire head.

“You shouldn’t stay out here so long. It’s too cold.”

“I was waiting for you,” she countered.

“I thought you couldn’t sleep.”

“I couldn’t…because I was worried about you,” she finally admitted.

There it was.

“You have a voicemail on your cellphone. Alfred called,” she quickly added to change the subject.

Jason left his personal cellphone at home when he was on patrol, not wanting any sort of pointless distractions. Y/N had a direct line to his comms if there was an emergency, which was the only thing he cared about. His old family could figure out ways to contact him if they really wanted to. But he didn’t go out of his way to give them that info.

“Get inside before you catch a cold,” he told her as he nodded toward the open window.

She chuckled at his attempt to sound stern. It was hard for her to take it seriously. But she listened to him anyway, knowing that if she tried to ignore him, it would end in him dragging her inside. And that was not a physical battle she ever had a chance at winning.

30 minutes later, Y/N was laying in bed and still reading her book as Jason tried to erase the night.

He always took long, scolding showers after patrol. Even if there was no blood to be washed away, there was always a need to cleanse himself of…something.

Y/N had asked him if he was hurt as she crawled through the window back inside their apartment.

“I’m fine,” he’d insisted.

But she knew “fine” just meant he didn’t need stitches, or bones reset, or the need to call the actual doctor he had a certain under-the-table deal with. She also knew she shouldn’t be surprised when he took off his clothes and she would see new bruises and shallow cuts covering his skin.

Jason finally crawled into bed with nothing but his black briefs. His hair still wet from the burning shower he just took.

He let out a sigh and stared up at the ceiling.

It was always a battle for Y/N, trying to figure out when to leave Jason to his thoughts and when to force him to talk. She knew he couldn’t drown himself in his own mind. But she also knew she couldn’t pretend to be his therapist.

“J?” She asked him softly as she put her book down.

“Hmm?” He asked, looking at her.

“You OK?”

He nodded.

She let it be.

Jason turned his gaze back to the ceiling. “Alfred has a foundation to raise money for under-funded schools in Gotham. It’s all him, but it has Bruce’s name all over it so all the rich assholes will want to save face with the Wayne family by donating.”

“I can support that type of manipulation,” Y/N said with a smirk.

“He holds a gala at Wayne Manor for it every year. Gets them at least a mil every time.”

She listened closely.

Then Jason looked at her again. “He asked me to come this year.”

“Oh,” her face fell.

Jason had told Y/N about his tumultuous relationship with his family. While he mended most of the damage with his brothers, he wasn’t quite willing to do so with Bruce. Y/N didn’t try to push Jason to reconcile with his adoptive father. She understood his heartbreak and frustrations there. She wasn’t a huge fan of Bruce herself after learning the damage he’d done to her boyfriend.

But it was because of the past traumas that Y/N hadn’t met any of Jason’s hodgepodge, vigilante family.

She also guessed that it was his overprotectiveness of her that stopped him from wanting to fully submerge her in that part of his life. To Jason, the less she knew about the Bat Family, the safer she was.

“He asked me to bring you, too.” Jason suddenly added.

Y/N blinked. “I…I didn’t realize they knew about me.”

He smirked at that. “Of course they do.”

“Even Bruce?”

His smirk disappeared. “Well, I didn’t tell him. But he’s a nosey son of a bitch. And even if he didn’t figure it out for himself, one of my brothers probably ran their mouth.”

Y/N didn’t think Jason and Bruce had a conversation out of uniform since he became the Red Hood. Probably hadn’t even addressed each other by their actual names in years.

Y/N fully turned on her side to face her boyfriend and scooted closer. “What do you want to do?” She asked carefully.

Jason sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Then he too turned on his side and stole a look at her. She looked so tired, but still beautiful. He knew he put her through too much. He didn’t deserve her. And she deserved a better man than he could ever be. He had guilt on his conscience, blood on his hands. He was the poster child for the harshness that was Gotham. She was a normal woman who would’ve never gotten mixed up in this world if it weren’t for him.

But Y/N insisted that she wanted to be here. Told him so by just staying each and every day, and never questioning her decision. Even left New York City to slum it in Gotham with him.

Jason brushed some hair away from her face.

“You’d come with me?”

Her face scrunched from him even feeling the need to ask. “Of course.” Then she gave him a sad look, “I’ve been wanting to meet your family for awhile.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” He asked.

Her eyes darkened. “You know why, J.”

He stayed silent.

“Listen, I know things haven’t been…good with your family. But I also know that they raised you. Whether you want to admit it or not, a lot of the man you are today is because of them. And I happen to love that man. So, yeah, I’ve wanted to meet them.”

Jason had a look full of love that he was trying to contain. “Come here,” he demanded with a grin.

Y/N giggled and moved into his arms.

Jason immediately pivoted her body so she was hovering over him. Without any hesitation, he pulled her down for a kiss.

“It’s gonna be filled with rich snobs and ass kissers. Don’t go hoping for a fun time,” he warned her as he narrowed his gaze playfully.

“Then you’re really gonna need me there. Who else is gonna make fun of them with you?” She teased.

Then a thought suddenly occurred to her. “Will this be a fancy affair?”

“Unfortunately.”

Her gaze darkened. “So, I’m gonna see you in a suit, huh?”

Jason pinched her sides.

Y/N yelped before laughing, “Do you even own a suit? I’ve never seen it in your closet.”

Suddenly he flipped her body so he was now the one hovering over her. Y/N couldn’t ignore Jason’s massive size when she was caged below him like that. “You’re on thin ice, kid.”

“Oooh. I’m so scared,” she mocked.

Jason almost looked offended.

But he sighed, getting back to the previous subject. “If I have to wear a suit, that means you have to wear a dress.”

“Or I could wear a suit, too.” She countered and raised a brow at him.

He smirked at her challenge. “I wouldn’t mind seeing you in one either.”

That seemed to please her.

“I promise I’ll look real pretty. Ya know, really play the part of the arm candy for the famous Jason Todd.”

Jason scoffed. “You’re always beautiful.” Then his gaze darkened. “And the arm candy was always Bruce and Dick’s thing. Not mine.”

“OK. So what should I be?”

“My accomplice,” Jason confirmed.

——————————————————

Y/N fidgeted in the back seat of the car as the black car drove to the outskirts of Gotham and to the Wayne Estate.

Jason had sent her a text from his patrol comms about something coming up. Vague, as always. He did it to keep her in the dark as much as possible.

Apparently he’d tried to tell Alfred they couldn’t make it. But the old man wouldn’t let him off the hook that easily. He told Jason he’d send a car for Y/N and that he better show up too.

Y/N had worn her fanciest dress, curled her hair, and done her makeup to perfection. She knew she could dress the part, but it was the acting bit that had her stressed out.

Despite Jason’s relationship with his family, she still dreaded the thought that they wouldn’t like her and that they wouldn’t approve. Yeah, they were secretly vigilantes, but they were also the richest people in Gotham.

Y/N swallowed as the car parked right outside the front entrance of Wayne Manor. There seemed to already be hundreds of people there. Everyone looked rich and fancier than Y/N could ever even pretend to be.

‘You’re here for Jason. You’re here for Jason.’ She repeated in her mind as the driver opened the door for her and offered his hand.

Y/N told herself to become a character as she held her head high and made her way into the mansion.

“Mansion” didn’t even seem to cover it. Y/N felt like she was in a Jane Austen novel or Downton Abbey.

Guests eyed her as soon as she made her way inside. She was much younger than the general demographic of the party. It seemed that old money also meant literally old.

She did a once over to see if she could find Jason. But he was nowhere to be found. Y/N decided she needed a drink to face a gala full of unwelcoming strangers alone.

She ignored the curious and judgmental gazes as she made her way to one of the many bars set up through the home.

‘Maybe red was too much,’ her imposter syndrome was telling her. Clearly it was making her stick out. But she knew Jason loved seeing her in red.

Y/N quickly ordered a strong drink from the bartender, who was kind enough to sense that this young woman needed liquid courage and she needed it fast.

“Are you sure you meant to use that bottle?” A male voice came up beside her, speaking to the bartender on her behalf.

Y/N turned to see a very boyishly handsome man with blue eyes and brown hair so dark that it was almost black.

He gave that bartender a look and Y/N watched as he nervously grabbed the much more expensive brand – the one Y/N would never in her life buy for herself.

“Thank you,” Y/N said as politely as possible when the bartender slid the drink towards her.

Then she turned her attention to the young man. “You didn’t have to do that.”

He gave her a crooked smirk. “You deserve the very best.”

Y/N might not have ever met Jason’s brothers. But they were famous enough to make frequent appearances in the media. Everyone in Gotham knew what the Wayne kids looked like. Especially Dick Grayson, who seemed to thrive in the spotlight in a similar manner to his father.

“Oh? And how do you know what I deserve? You don’t know me at all,” Y/N challenged with a tilt of her head.

Her sass seemed to excite him.

“Well, I was hoping, since I saved you from the cheap stuff, that you’d give me a chance to.”

Y/N shook her head with an almost baffled smile. This faux charm and air of confidence was so unlike Jason’s. While Jason was quietly confident and sure of himself. It came almost from a place of nihilism. But Dick…Dick had an edge of haughtiness and self importance.

“Your reputation precedes you, Dick Grayson,” Y/N cooed, with mischievous glint in her gaze, before taking a sip of her drink. He was right: this was the good stuff.

Dick’s amusement seemed to falter now that she confessed to knowing exactly who he was. “And what reputation is that exactly?”

“Cocky, charming…flirtatious.”

Dick didn’t seem to mind these adjectives at all. In fact, he seemed rather proud of himself. He stepped a little closer to her. “It feels a little unfair that you seem to know me, but I haven’t even gotten your name.”

Y/N tried to suppress her smile. She was really starting to enjoy this little game. “You’ll realize soon enough.”

“Well, until then…” He stepped even closer and somehow managed to put his hand on her back without it feeling creepy. “Would you like to dance?”

“Move that hand any lower, Dick, and I’ll fuckin’ break it,” Jason said from behind Y/N.

Dick barely moved away from Y/N, but looked at his brother with confusion.

Y/N turned and maneuvered her body away from Dick’s grasp.

Then she smiled at Jason as she took in the sight of her boyfriend wearing a suit. Like, a real suit, not one made for a vigilante. He managed to tame his hair without using too much product. And his face had its signature scruff but cleaned up a bit.

“How long has this one been annoying you?” Jason asked her.

“Not long,” she replied before giving him a sweet kiss.

Y/N turned to face Dick again, but remained close to Jason’s side. On instinct alone, Jason placed his hand on her back and pulled her even closer. It wasn’t possessive, but a habit he formed to comfort himself.

Dick blinked as his mind clearly figured out the change in situation.

“You’re Y/N?” He asked her.

She smirked. “Told you that you’d realize it soon enough.”

“Dick, this is my girlfriend, Y/N. Y/N, this is, Dick Grayson.”

Y/N didn’t miss how Jason didn’t refer to Dick as his brother.

To his credit, Dick recovered rather quickly and politely offered his hand. Y/N didn’t hesitate to shake it. After all, she still wanted to make a good impression on his family. And the flirting was harmless.

“I apologize for…” Dick’s words died out.

“Hitting on me?” Y/N offered with a laugh. “I would say I’m flattered, but I’m sure I’m one of many women you will be making moves on tonight.”

“Do it again, and I’ll swap out the rubber bullets in my guns, Dick.” Jason half warned and half joked.

Dick seemed unfazed by the threat. “Why don’t you say it a little louder so more people can hear?”

Jason ignored his brother’s warning.

He turned his gaze down to Y/N. “Let’s go introduce you to Alfred.”

Jason held her hand as he made his way through the crowd. It wasn’t hard to do. Y/N assumed it had to do with him technically being a Wayne or perhaps it was his large and imposing frame that told people to get the hell out of his way.

Then Y/N was standing in front of an elderly man who had perfect posture and mischievous edge to his welcoming smile.

“Master Jason, I see that you have finally brought Ms. Y/L/N for me to meet,” Alfred said with a smile.

Out of all his siblings and father, Alfred seemed to be the only family member that Jason didn’t hold any sort of grudge against. Though Y/N wasn’t really sure what anyone would have against him. From everything she heard, he sounded absolutely lovely.

He held out his hand, which Y/N instantly went to shake. But instead, Alfred brought her hand to his lips and placed a kiss on her knuckles. There was something about this family that made everything they do seem charming rather than creepy and uncomfortable.

Y/N laughed at the gesture. “It’s so nice to meet you, Alfred. I’ve heard so much about you.”

He patted her hand before letting it go gently. “I wish I could say the same for you, dear. But it would appear Master Jason prefers to keep you entirely to himself.”

She just gave him a polite – yet controlled – smile. Another side effect of Jason being overprotective of her.

“Thank you for sending the car for me. You didn’t have to do that,” she told him.

“Oh, nonsense. I would not allow this one to use any excuse for missing tonight.”

Y/N asked him about his foundation with genuine interest. Alfred answered all of her questions with enthusiasm. She wondered how often Alfred got to talk about normal things with the Wayne family. She could only imagine the manor was entirely consumed with matters of vigilantism.

Alfred also asked Y/N far more questions about herself than she was prepared for. It made her realize that Jason really did keep her quite the secret. Y/N knew she shouldn’t be offended by it, but it made her sad that Jason’s family had clearly shown such an interest in her. Had she known, she may have put more pressure on Jason to introduce her.

There was a lull in conversation when Alfred’s gaze turned to Jason.

“Have you spoken with him yet?” He asked evenly.

They all know who ‘him’ was.

“I’m here for you, Alfred.” Jason quickly answered. “And we’ve kept you selfishly to ourselves for far too long. I’m sure everyone here wants to talk with you.”

Nice save.

Alfred dipped his head and lowered his voice, “Oh, you are two of the few people here whom I actually wish to converse with…” He finished with a wink before leaving them.

“And here I thought you got all your charm from Bruce Wayne,” Y/N teased her boyfriend.

But when she looked up at Jason, he had a dazed looked in his eyes.

“Hey,” she squeezed his hand in comfort. “You don’t need to talk to him if you don’t want to. In fact, we can go now if you want.”

Jason snapped out of it then. “And leave without destroying this open bar? Absolutely not.” Then he seemed to take her in for the first time that night. “Plus, you deserve to be shown off.”

He leaned down to her ear. “I was so distracted with saving you from Dick that I didn’t get the chance to tell you how beautiful you looked tonight.”

No matter how many times he said things like that to her or made her feel this way, she still managed to blush at such compliments.

And for good measure, Jason sealed the praise with a kiss, lightly gripping her chin to make sure she didn’t escape too soon for his liking.

He barely pulled away from her lips when he smiled and muttered, “Come on. Let’s go steal ourselves a bottle of Dom Pérignon.”

“Jason,” she scolded in a whisper, “Those cost like $2,000!”

“Exactly.”

The next hour or so was filled with Jason and Y/N drinking champagne while standing in a corner that protected them from being interrupted. And Y/N did exactly as she promised: joking with Jason about all the stuck up rich people that just came to kiss ass and social climb.

They were laughing about an old man that was desperately trying to hit on a young woman half his age when someone politely cleared their throat beside them.

But Jason smiled at the interruption.

A young man, who couldn’t be older than his early 20s, was giving Y/N a delighted smile. However, the first thing she noticed were the shadows under his eyes and how tired he looked. But that didn’t stop his excitement from showing.

“Y/N, this is my younger brother, Tim Drake. Tim, this is my girlfriend, Y/N.”

With a dorky enthusiasm, he shook her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Y/N. We’ve all been annoying Jason about bringing you around for quite some time.”

She smiled, “So I’ve heard…” Then she gave Jason a subtle accusatory look.

Tim’s face turned serious, as if he just remembered why he came over in the first place. “I’m sorry to interrupt. Jason would you mind…umm…looking at something for me real quick?”

Jason’s back straightened.

Tim was trying to be polite to the two’s relationship by keeping out any and all details pertaining to their night life.

But it was clear to Y/N that was what Tim was referring to.

Jason looked down at her.

“You don’t have to babysit me,” she teased him. “Go. I can entertain myself.”

He kissed her cheek and whispered, “If I’m not back in 30 minutes, please come rescue me.”

She chuckled. “I would, but I’m not sure I’m going to be able to find you...”

“I’ll bring him back in no time, Y/N. Promise.” Tim told her with a beaming smile.

Y/N watched them go and Jason gave her one last reluctant look over his shoulder before he disappeared around a corner.

Y/N sighed and poured another glass of champagne and told herself it was time to mingle. But when she looked up, there wasn’t a single person that looked like they had any interest in making new friends.

‘Some party this is,’ she thought to herself before abandoning her post and deciding to take herself on a tour of Wayne Manor.

Y/N decided she wanted to escape the curious and judgmental gazes of the party, and found herself in a darker hallway. Candles were lit everywhere, giving it a gothic semblance.

Y/N’s heartbeat quickened when she realized she’d discovered a hallway filled with artwork. Millions upon millions of dollars worth of artwork, to be precise.

She was glad no one else seemed to have wandered this far, for she could take her time to look at all of it.

“I think you might be the only guest of the manor who has ever taken the time to look at the artwork.”

Y/N jumped at the voice and turned to see the infamous Bruce Wayne watching her with what seemed to be amusement.

He was nearly as tall as Jason – nowhere near as stout, though. But that didn’t seem to matter because he had an intimidating presence that had Y/N realizing it made perfect sense that this man was also Batman.

She had no idea how long she’d been staring at the paintings. It was easy for her to get lost in art. It tended to consume her.

“Well, not everyone has a Caravaggio casually hanging in their home.”

Bruce chuckled at that.

“Sorry,” she quickly told him. “I didn’t mean to snoop. I feel like I’m at the Louvre.”

“Please,” he declined such an apology. “No one in that party could tell the difference between an oil and acrylic painting. It’s refreshing to meet someone who can appreciate art.” He paused. “Have you been?”

“Have I been where?”

“To the Louvre.”

“Oh,” she laughed. “Umm...no, sadly. It’s been my dream to go to Paris in general. I don’t speak French, though. So I don’t know how that would work out.”

Bruce Wayne seemed to be listening closely and had genuine interest in what she was saying. Which felt strange to her for some reason.

Suddenly, Y/N felt like she shouldn’t be talking to him. Jason made it clear he had no intention of making peace tonight. So Y/N figured she was meant to keep her distance as well.

“I’m…” she began.

“Y/F/N Y/L/N,” Bruce finished for her.

She raised a brow, unimpressed.

Of course Batman would know every single person coming into his home. He probably caught her lingering in this hallway from multiple hidden security cameras.

He reached out his hand. “Bruce Wayne.”

She hesitated, her eyes flickering between his fixed stare and his offered hand.

But it ended with her shaking it, nonetheless.

“Thank you for bringing Jason tonight. I have a feeling he would’ve never shown had it not been for you.”

Y/N’s jaw clenched in an attempt to stop herself from lashing out at Bruce.

Yes, Jason was protective of her. But Y/N was also protective of Jason.

It wasn’t the Wayne family that talked Jason out of the darkness. They weren’t the one who comforted him after his nightmares. They weren’t the one who kissed and touched the autopsy scars that he was ashamed of. They weren’t the one who made him realize he wasn’t a failure or a monster, that he was worth something.

That was Y/N.

And she wasn’t going to let any of them cause him to relapse.

“Did he tell you not to talk to me?” Bruce questioned.

He wasn’t one to beat around the bush.

Y/N narrowed her eyes. “Jason doesn’t tell me what to do.”

Bruce smirked at how she didn’t back down and met his confrontation with confidence. “You’re not too fond of me, are you?”

Y/N shifted her weight a bit, but kept quiet, not wanting to confirm or deny his suspicions.

“I’m not sure what Jason told–”

“He told me everything,” Y/N cut him off sharply.

Bruce tilted his head. “Surely not everything.” Proving that he knew Jason completely kept Y/N away from his vigilante and crime life.

Then Y/N lost her composure and took a step toward Bruce. “You call him your greatest failure,” she accused him.

“Because I let him down.”

“But it doesn’t matter how you meant it. How do you think that makes him feel?”

Bruce’s body tensed and his jaw tightened.

Suddenly a dog came running out of nowhere and nearly tackled Y/N. She managed to stay on her feet, but her glass of champagne was knocked from her grasp and shattered on the floor.

“Titus!” Bruce growled at the dog.

A second later, a boy came running.

“Damian, what did I tell you about keeping pets away from parties,” Bruce scolded.

“I apologize,” Damian told Y/N in a voice that should’ve belonged to an adult, rather than a pre-teen boy. But he seemed rather annoyed that he had to apologize to a stranger.

Y/N chuckled at the black Great Dane. She barely had to bend down to pet the giant dog. “It’s fine. Dogs are always my favorite people I meet at parties.”

Damian looked between his father and Y/N, immediately getting the sense that she was not the average party guest.

“Who’s she?” He asked bluntly.

“Damian, this is Y/F/N Y/L/N.” Bruce gestured with an upturned palm.

“Todd’s companion?” Damian stated, clearly sounding unimpressed.

Jesus. They really did all know about her.

“Damian…” was all Bruce said to warn his son.

“I don’t know what you see in him.”

“That’s enough, Damian.” Bruce snapped.

That finally got the boy to shut his mouth.

Y/N was about to tell both of them that it was fine. She had expected such greetings from Jason’s youngest brother.

But her attention was diverted when she noticed Jason standing at the edge of the hallway.

Bruce followed her gaze.

There was a stare down between the two men that felt like an hour to Y/N.

“Jason,” Bruce greeted steadily.

Jason looked at his family coldly. “Bruce,” he replied with even less emotion. Then he looked down at his youngest brother, “Demon Spawn.”

“Todd,” Damian spat back.

Jason’s gaze softened when it landed on Y/N. Ignoring the tension, he reached out a hand in her direction. “We should say our goodbyes to Alfred.”

Y/N nodded and walked to her boyfriend, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze.

He quickly guided them back to the party without a second glance to Bruce and Damian.

As soon as they were in a mass of people again, Y/N turned to Jason to ask him if he was OK. A part of her felt guilty, like she’d been caught doing something bad by being alone with Bruce Wayne.

But Jason seemed to sense her concern and spoke before she could. “I’m stealing another bottle of champagne before we go,” and quickly went to the bar.

“He lasted longer than I expected,” Dick’s voice came up beside her.

Y/N barely glanced at him. “I’m proud of him,” was all she replied, as they both watched him.

“I apologize for my behavior earlier. I’m afraid I didn’t give you the best first impression.”

Y/N fully turned to face him and laughed lightly. “I promise I won’t hold it against you.”

“I’m sure you think we’re all just being polite…but all of us really were looking forward to meeting you, Y/N.”

“Even Damian?” She teased.

Dick laughed. “Well, rumor is that Titus took an immediate liking to you. And Damian trusts his pets’ judgement of character more than any of ours.”

News really did travel fast in this family.

Y/N smiled at that. “I’ve wanted to meet all of you for so long. I’m glad we finally made it happen.” She went back to their original topic.

Dick winced. “I’d rather not think about what Jason’s said about us…”

“I think you might be pleasantly surprised,” she countered.

“Ready to go?” Jason interrupted, ignoring Dick.

For good measure, he dipped down to kiss Y/N’s bare shoulder.

“Yeah, let’s go say bye to Alfred.”

But she turned back to Dick. And to everyone’s surprise, she wrapped him into a hug. Dick was surprised, but welcomed the gesture.

“Please keep an eye on him out there,” she whispered to him quietly enough so Jason didn’t have a chance of overhearing.

“Of course,” he told her.

————————

Bruce pretended to be listening to a conversation with old family friends as he watched Y/N and Jason hug Alfred goodbye.

He noticed Y/N say something to Alfred that made the butler’s face go serious. Then she handed him a business card.

Bruce wanted to talk with Jason. He’d been both dreading and looking forward to tonight, hoping a miracle would occur and he could finally mend things with his son.

But the way Jason had looked at him, Bruce knew everything he was feeling and it was clear Jason wasn’t going to let things go between them any time soon.

Bruce politely excused himself and went to Alfred’s side.

“What was that last bit about?” Bruce asked, indirectly telling Alfred that he’d been observing their conversation.

Now the two men both watched Jason and Y/N from a window that gave a view of the front drive.

Y/N threw her head back and laughed loudly at something Jason had whispered in her ear.

“She asked if I could teach her first aid.”

They both know it went much deeper than first aid. Y/N was asking Alfred to show her how to stitch wounds, how to extract bullets, when to know Jason was too hurt to be fixed up by his inexperienced girlfriend.

“She’s good for him,” Bruce thought aloud.

“That she is, Master Bruce.”

“I forgot what his laugh sounded like.” Bruce paused for a moment before adding, “I’ve never seen him smile like this. Not even before…” His words died. They both knew what ‘before’ was referring to.

Suddenly Y/N pointed to Jason as she walked backwards, clearly giving him a warning of some sort.

But Jason ignored her as he grabbed her by the waist and threw her over his shoulder. One of his hands was wrapped tightly around her thighs, securing her body to his chest, while the other hand held a bottle of champagne.

They could hear Y/N’s laughter, even from inside the mansion.

Alfred observed how Bruce watched his second son. “You must give him more time, Master Bruce.”

However, Bruce said nothing in return.

--------------------

Part 2

Please, please, please let me know what you think. I will take constructive criticism on my characterization of Jason Todd, as long as it’s done nicely😅

[Also, I finally stopped being lazy and made my own header. 😂]

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ben-10-setting-omnicrom · 4 years ago

Note

Hey there, you made a post recently bashing one of mine. Totally fine to disagree but bashing other people's posts aren't the way to go about it. Both posts you were bashing were speculation and if you really had a problem with it, you could've left a comment to open up a real discussion about it on my post or the other person's.

I think you misread some of the tones in the posts. We were exploring political themes in a fictional universe. These sorts of things aren't for everyone and there's a wide variety of perspectives on the subjects. The other person's was, as I interpreted it, a "hey what if this happened" sort of post. Mine was a theory about the dynamics between species based on what we see in canon. I don't think either warranted the reaction it got from you, especially considering the fact we're talking about a cartoon. Perhaps they are darker interpretations but not impossible. No bold, declarative statements were made. No one was pushing their thoughts on others. Both were just people sharing their thoughts on possibilities we could not see in canon.

Again, it's okay to disagree. You, however, took it a step further. I deal with discourse on subjects more serious than a cartoon so I really don't care if you think there's something wrong with this but I'm getting the sense you are trying to start drama in the fandom which really isn't appreciated. This is generally a positive space and it's not hard to match the tone, even when you don't agree.

If you keep this up, I'll just block you so we don't see each others posts. Can't speak for the other person, of course, but they're a respected member of the fandom so I'm sure people would also appreciate it if you didn't go after them.

But I will ask two things of you. If you continue making posts like this, consider using a more respectful tone. I have no idea how other people you have bashed reacted but you are saying these things about real people, many of them likely minors. It's not hard to be courteous.

The other thing is to not use the delusional tag or call people insane. Maybe some people have some hot takes or discuss theories in a sphere a bit extreme for a cartoon but that does not mean it's okay for you to directly attack them. And, some of the words you used are ableist language. I am not disabled so I am not necessarily affected by it but a bar must be set and I'm setting it pretty low. You can continue what you're doing but do not disrespect people or use ableist language. Even if you don't care what I think, note that chances are people will not take you seriously if you sound like a child throwing a tantrum or speak like you're trying to hurt someone.

Even though I disagree with your tone, I will admit you weren't completely off target. You had some good points. And if you had brought them up in a respectful manner, I would have been happy to have a discussion about it. But, you didn't and here we are.

Where the hell do I even start with this?

Ok, first of all NO I'm not trying to start drama. I'm expressing my distaste on a trend I've seen in posts in the Ben 10 tag where this echo chamber perpetually spews out ridiculous baseless shit.

"A generally peaceful space" lmao, you mean like the time several users INSISTED Cracker isn't a slur and you can't be racist to white people, after a user called another one it while shamelessly and without irony claim they wouldn't stoop to bullying like @xcatxgirlx was wrongly accused of? Or the fact several users adamantly and insistently warp and twist her words to fit their delusional narrative where she's apparently the next spawn of Satan or whateverthefuck? Or the fact if you disagree with said echo chamber they'll call you bootlicker and say you have brainrot.

Also can you quit with the victim complex? I'm not going after anyone, I'm refuting claims and headcanons by pointing out no such thing is even remotely hinted at in canon.

Gods at this point I'm going to have to pin dictionary.com with how often I've had to quote people the definitions of words.

having false or unrealistic beliefs or opinions:

In other words ideas not based in reality or that can be gleaned from pertinent information. Reality in this case being the canon of the series.

Saying Ben wanted to kill Kevin because he was jealous of him saving the day in the Forge of Creation episode is FLAT OUT DELUSIONAL. Full stop.

Saying the Plumbers would practice brutality and gay bashing at the drop of a hat DURING PRIDE MONTH is utterly baseless and ridiculous, not to mention actively insensitive to irl acts of such. Their WHOLE THING is keeping the peace and anyone practicing police brutality would get jailed JUST LIKE THE NUMEROUS TIMES IN CANON THEY'VE DEALT WITH EVIL PLUMBERS.

Saying the Galvans are totally discriminating against a entire species is absolutely baseless especially when shit all is preventing said species from basically doing whatever the fuck they want. Baz-El is literally a damn archeologist after all.

You want to know what all those things have in common?

They take the flimsiest of "evidence", ignore context, and actively distort facts to shine things in the worst light possible, like a corrupted fun house mirrors from hell.

Also why would I ask for permission to document for posterity posts I reference? I'm literally only doing that shit so they can't say said posts didn't say what it did or if said posts are erased. It's no different from using the Way Back Machine to check on old posts.

Also also, like for future reference PLEASE add spaces to your posts. Your ask was honestly kind of hard to read.

#ben 10 #asks #plumbers #kevin levin #ben tennyson #galvanic mechamorph #galvan #mini omni rant #delusional ben 10

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lancermylove · 5 years ago

Text

Halloween Costumes (HC)

Fandom: BSTS

Pairing: Team K x Reader, Team W x Reader, Team B x Reader

Warning: Suggestive.

Prompt: Reader to picks out a “couple costume” for Halloween.

A/N: Click on the names of the men to see the whole costumes!

———————————————

Prologue

Starless was hosting an invitation exclusive Halloween party. When you read the invitation, you noticed a line in bold letter: Must wear a costume.

You wanted to costume shop together with your boyfriend, but as usual, he was too busy. So, you decide to take the matter into your own hands. Without asking him, you pick out a costume for him (and you), but unbeknownst to him, you decide to go with a couple's costume.

———————————————

Team K

Kei

You wanted to see Kei as a vampire again, but when you reached for the costume, you noticed the costume beside it.

‘A devil?’ You smirked. ‘A sexy devil.’

Kei raises his eyebrow when he sees his devil costume.

“Devil? Is that how you see me?” He asks with a smirk.

“N-No. I just thought it would look good on you.”

Kei can’t help but smile when he sees your costume. He thinks it suits you well.

“My dear angel, you couldn’t look any more heavenly.”

Kei takes a hold of your hand and pulls you close to him, pressing his lips on yours.

“K-Kei?”

“You made me a devil, so don’t expect me to be an angel.” Kei leans in close to your ear, “The devil will show you later tonight what he can do.”

Sotetsu

Since last Halloween, you had dreamt of seeing Sotetsu as a vampire.

When you show him the costume, he laughs, “Be prepared to see the world’s sexiest vampire.”

Sotetsu is in surprised to see you in your costume.

“Such a beautiful vampiress,” he walks up to you and nuzzles your neck, “you smell nice.”

He presses the tip of his fake fangs into your neck.

“Let me drink your blood.”

“Sotetsu!?”

He chuckles and presses his lips on your neck, “I am joking, babe...kinda.”

Ginsei

Ginsei has always been your prince charming, so you couldn’t think of a more befitting costume for him.

“A p-prince?” He is shocked to see his outfit.

Ginsei looks like a prince straight out of a disney movie. Perfect.

“Princess, you look stunning.” He kisses the back of your hand, “But, princess, why choose this outfit?”

“Ginsei, you are my prince charming.”

His cheeks turn red but he smiles widely, “I am honored to be your prince charming. I l-love you, my princess.”

Gui

Gui is confused when you hand him his ninja costume.

“Ninja?” He blinks.

“Gui, you would be a great ninja. A badass ninja that can do parkour.”

He still doesn’t understand but willingly wears his costume.

“Wow, you look better than I imagined.”

“Are you happy seeing me wear this?” Gui asked, tilting his head a bit.

“Yes!”

“Then I am happy.” He gave an innocent, child-like smile.

Yoshino

You couldn’t decide which costume to pick out until you saw a poster of Mickey and Minnie. ‘Perfect.’

Yoshino stares at the costume with wide eyes and mouth open, his face matching the color of your costume.

“Uh, I...”

“Yoshino, please! You will look great as Mickey.” You batted your eyes lashes and pouted.

“A-alright.”

Yoshino looked beyond adorable in his outfit. So cute that you were tempted to tease him.

To his dismay, the cast members teased him non-stop at the party.

“Don’t you look adorable.”, “The hell ya wearing?”, “Hey Mickey, your face matches Minnie’s dress.”, “Your height is perfect for the costume.”

Yoshino went through a lot that night but he didn’t mind because your happiness mattered to him more than anything.

Team W

Kokuyou

Kokuyou smirks after seeing his costume, “Big Bad Wolf?”

“Suits you perfectly.”

“Is that so?” He chuckles and gets dressed.

“Oh, Kokuyou what big arms you have.” You place your hands on your cheeks, acting surprised, “Oh, Kokuyou what big eyes you have.”

Kokuyou chuckles and steps close to you, looking you straight in the eyes, “Hey, Red Riding Hood, this Big Bad Wolf is hungry.”

“What do you want to eat?”

He steps closer to you with an alluring smile, “You.”

Akira

Akira is excited to see his pirate costume, “Reminds me of my Seaside costume.”

He covers his mouth and shakes his head, “Forget I said anything.”

“Wait, Team W will be pirates in Seaside?”

“You didn’t hear it from me.” He quickly runs to the changing room and gets ready.

“Akira, you look hot.”

“Don’t I always? But princess, you look-,” he scans you up and down, “-sexy.”

“Hey captain, my eyes are up here.” You chuckle and lift his chin up with one finger.

“It’s not my fault that you look smokin’.”

Sin

Sin wasn’t expecting you to pick out a Batman costume for him, but he didn’t complain.

“Sin, please say “I am Batman” in a deep voice.” You giggle and clasp your hand together, waiting to hear your superhero sounding like the Gotham Knight.

He clears his throat and copies the cape crusader, “I am Batman.”

“Hm...brooding man, mature, rarely smiles, serious...? Sin! They should cast you as the next Batman.” You laugh.

While you’re laughing, Sin takes the liberty to study your outfit.

Though he won’t say it out loud, Sin is glad that you chose this costume. How else would he get to see you in a tight spandex jumpsuit.

Taiga

Taiga wasn’t ecstatic to dress up and go to the party. He wanted to spend the night playing video games, but he couldn’t say no to you.

“So what am I dress up as?” He asks in a dreary tone.

“Here.” You hand him the costume and wait patiently for his reaction.

“This is? Master Chief?” Taiga’s eyes sparkle with excitement, “This is...perfect!”

He throws his arms around you, “Thank you! I will be right back.”

You laugh and get ready. ‘He’s so cute.’

“How do I lo-” Taiga stares at you, wordless.

“What’s wrong?”

“You look a-amazing. I think I am in love with you all over again.”

Takami

Most people in Starless think that Takami is shady, so you chose a costume to match that description.

“A gangster?” Takami chuckles, cooly.

“I think you will look really cool as a gangster!”

Takami didn’t mind the costume, especially considering that his daily wear looks quite similar to the gangster outfit. Coincidence? I think not.

When he sees your costume though, he is left breathless.

“My, don’t you look sensuous. I am almost tempted to not go to the party.”

“Why? I worked so hard picking out these costumes.”

Takami chuckles at your cluelessness, “You are adorable.”

Team B

Kongou

“We are a married couple?” Kongou blushes and rubs the back of his neck.

“Yeah! The costume is called “Till Death Do Us Apart”, but I think the costume should be called, “Not Even Death Can Do Us Apart”.” You laugh.

“That’s clever. Excuse me.”

Kongou smiles when he sees you in your costume, “You look beautiful, even as a ghost bride. I wonder what you would look like as a real bride.”

You smile, “We will find out as soon as you propose to me.”

Kongou’s jaw drops as he stares at you with wide eyes.

You giggle at your boyfriend and walk out of the room.

“Soon, love.” Kongou whispers and fishes out a small blue velvet box from his pocket.

Ran

“SO COOL!” Ran is beyond exhilarated to see his costume.

“I knew you would like it! Let’s get ready and put on our makeup.”

You finish your makeup and help Ran apply blood to his face.

“More blood!”

“Ran? Are you sure?”

“Yes! I want it to be scary, so more blood.”

When the two of you arrive at the party, Ran plays a prank and suddenly appears on stage, scaring quite a few of the cast members.

Mizuki runs on stage and kicks Ran. Sinju, Yoshino, Mokuren, and Maica avoids the two of you. Qu compliments your makeup skills.

Though it was fun for the night, Ran got punished the next day for scaring everyone.

You felt bad, but it was worth it.

Mizuki

Mizuki is a fan of the Joker, so he’s thrilled to see his costume.

You help him with his tattoos before changing into your outfit.

Your boyfriend is busy checking out his costume in the mirror, but when he sees your reflection, he nearly falls backwards.

“So, how do I look?”

“Hm..fine, I guess.”

Mizuki’s cheeks are bright red, and he avoids looks at you.

“Only fine?”

“Nah, ya look great.” He grinned.

Mizuki felt an unknown feeling seeing you in Harley Quinn’s outfit. He couldn’t describe the feeling, but for some reason his pants felt tighter.

Heath

After seeing the costume, Heath isn’t sure what to say.

He’s not scared of clown, but he also doesn’t want to dress like one.

“Do you like clowns?”

“Not really, but since Team B likes unusual concepts, I thought IT would be a good choice. Why, you don’t like it?’

“No, no. I will wear it.”

When Heath sees your outfit, he blushes, “Are you sure you want to wear that outfit?”

“Hm? What’s wrong with it?”

“Nothing.” Heath said, averting his eyes.

When the two of you arrive at Starless, many of the cast members are stunned.

Mizuki likes your costume so much that he disappears for a little while and comes back dressed in a jeans, yellow raincoat, and green rainboots.

“Heath?” You tap his shoulder and whisper, “Why did you ask if I’m okay wearing this outfit?”

“Oh...I didn’t want the men here to see you wearing such a short skirt.”

Rico

Rico frowns when he sees his costume.

“Why would you choose a costume that covers my handsome face?”

“It’s your punishment for not helping me pick out our costume.” You handed him his outfit.

Rico begrudgingly gets ready, but he freezes when he sees you in your outfit.

“Little bird, if the grim reaper looks like you, then I wouldn’t mind dying.”

You chuckle, “Is that so?”

At the party, you got a lot of compliments, much to Rico’s dismay.

He wasn’t fond of the cast members being around you but seeing them flock around you, made him angry.

How he wishes his costume had the power of the grim reaper. He would start by using that power on a certain leader.

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a-vintage-snake · 5 years ago

Text

Fear and Delight

Pairing(s): Pre-romantic Dukeceit

First chapter - Previous chapter - Next chapter

Warnings: Child abuse, dirty humor, basically Remus is Very Thirsty™ for that Snake Booty Characters: Janus “Deceit” Sanders, Remus Sanders,

Summary: What exactly happened in the year that Remus disappeared?

Word Count: 9072

Author’s Note: SO. That new episode, AM I RIGHT?? I absolutely loved it, instant fave! That being said, I have considered going back and change Deceit to Janus, but instead I decided to work his name reveal into the story as a plot point. So don't worry, we will be getting snake boi's name into the story eventually, it will just take a while. A loooong while.

People who were asked to be tagged: @avocados26, @fandoms-will-collide @nottoonormalme, @bihighandgivinghighfives, @atticusfinchthelegend, @hekking-happy-nonsense, @lockmcduckwoodchuck

If you want to be removed or added to the taglist, just ask!

Read on AO3

One year ago…

When Remus and his brother had been little, their nanny had often read to them before bed. Stories about daring adventures, defeating monsters and love at first sight. Roman had always sighed dreamily at the last part, romantic little shit that he was. Remus on the other hand would just roll his eyes, yell ‘BORING!!’ and demand that their nanny go back to the part about monster slaying.

Now Remus wanted to kick himself for not paying more attention, cause seriously? How the fuck did those characters deal with love at first sight???

Not as if any tips would have helped in those first moments, when he had openly stared at quite possible the single most drop dead gorgeous man he had ever seen. He was distantly aware that the absolute dreamy apparition from the heavens was talking to him in that silky rich voice that made Remus’ knees weak (luckily he was sitting down). Not a single word registered. Remus was just a tad distracted, thank you very much. Honestly, did this guy know how pretty his face was?? This had to be illegal somewhere.

Deceit stopped talking and frowned. Not an unusual thing to happen, people frowned at him all the time. What was unusual was that Deceit leaned forward a bit and gently gripped Remus’ chin with one hand. Remus’ thoughts, usually an unstoppable whirlwind of continuous screaming abruptly came to a screeching halt. Deceit inspected his eyes, slightly tilting Remus’ head from left to right as he did. Remus followed his guiding hand breathlessly, gawking at how Deceit’s scales glittered in the light of the setting sun. He wanted to draw them... Or maybe lick them. Both? Both is good.

“…I definitely used a too potent of a sleeping spell on you,” Deceit sighed as he released his chin. Remus wanted to whine at the loss of contact. “Luckily, that’s just a matter of sleeping it off.” Deceit continued as he rose from the cot and looked down at Remus. “Can you walk?” He asked.

Remus shot up from the cot so fast that he probably sprained something. Fucking hell, if this guy had asked if he could fly he would have immediately jumped out of the window without a doubt. Deceit raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. Instead he walked towards the door, throwing a ‘follow me’ motion over his shoulder. Remus nearly tripped over his own feet as he scrambled to catch up.

Deceit led him out of the door into darkened halls. He snapped his fingers and a small flame appeared in his hand, lighting their path.

The walk was a quiet one. Their footsteps rung in the empty darkness as Remus trailed after the other, wide-eyed and dazed. Remus realized at one point that he had to be in the hidden castle. The one from all the stories, the hideout of one of the most dreaded figures in their country’s history. He had found it… Or rather, he was brought to it. The place everyone feared so much that they avoided the mountains all together.

But who fucking cared about that nonsense?? Certainly not Remus! All he could focus on was the back of the warlock’s head and those beautiful fluffy curls. His fingers were itching and twitching to run through those curls, to see if they really were as soft as they looked like. In fact, his hand already stretched out-

“Here we are,” Deceit interrupted Remus’ musings and he quickly snapped his hand back. They had reached a door in the time where Remus was slowly loosing his mind. Deceit opened and held the door open for him. “These will be your chambers for the duration of your stay.” He said.

Remus stared dumbly at him. “My chambers…?” He repeated a little dumbfounded.

“Yes.” Deceit nodded. Remus looked between the warlock and the open door uncertainly.

“…You’re not going to… Throw me into a dungeon…?” Remus asked dubiously. Deceit tilted his head.

“Why? Would you prefer that?”

…Was he messing with him? Remus honestly couldn’t tell. The warlock’s expression was impossible to read; it was quite an impressive poker face he got there. Realizing he had no hope of forming a somewhat intelligent answer to that, Remus looked away from those mismatched (absolutely alluring, could stare in them for hours) eyes and walked into the room.

He hadn’t been sure what to expect… No, that was lie. Remus knew exactly what he had expected. A torture chamber perhaps, maybe with some various jars with preserved limbs. Or a completely barren cell with one tiny barred window, where he had no choice but to eat his own leg to survive. Not this. Not a perfectly welcoming warm bedchamber, that looked like it was carved into the mountainside rather than built with bricks. A fireplace crackled softly on one side of the room and a comfortable looking poster-bed stood on the other. Large windows showed the peaks of the mountains outside, now black outlines against a quick darkening sky. The view had to be beautiful in daytime. On a small desk near the windows stood a tray with a glass, an elegant carafe filled with crystal clear water and a plate of several assortments of fresh fruit and bread.

Completely baffled Remus stared at the room. He may not have much experience with these types of things, but this is not exactly what he thought a hostage situation would be like.

…Unless he was in one of those steamy romance novels Roman hid underneath his bed and pretended he didn’t read. Oh man, he really, really hoped that was the case.

“You’ll find a bathroom with everything you need through the door on your right,” Deceit said behind him. “Get some more sleep. We’ll talk again in the morning.”

Remus, who had been wholeheartedly distracted, whipped around when he heard the door close. His throat closed up. Ice gripped his veins as he rushed to the door, ready to pound on it, scream-

No no no don’t lock the door don’t lock him up please-!!

One twist on the doorknob and the door flew open, letting Remus tumble out the room in a flurry of unbalanced limbs. He barely avoided tipping over and acquainting his face with the stone floor. He hadn’t… Locked the door?

Perplexed Remus righted himself, staring down the dark empty hallway that greeted him. The warlock was nowhere in sight. What the shit? How did he do that so fast? Was it another one of those disappearing reappearing acts? Or had he turned invisible? Was he staring at Remus right now? Judging him?

Suddenly shockingly aware that he hadn’t shaved (or bathed for that matter) since he left home, Remus quickly retreated back into the chambers that were his now? Apparently?? And threw the door closed with a bang. He leaned against the wood like hell itself was high on his heels. Judging by the way his heart hammered a mile a minute, he would say it was.

Stumbling unsteadily towards the desk near the windows, Remus grabbed the carafe with water and downed half of it in one go. No time to bother with the glass! He was thirsty in more ways than one, and at least this thirst was easily quenchable.

After he had devoured most of the fruit and bread and threw some of the left over water over his head for good measure, Remus felt a bit better. For a few seconds he could even say he was calm… But then he glanced around the room again and remembered his bizarre situation. Flashes of scales and fangs and a voice like velvet rang through his head, and Remus had to muffle a scream into his hands.

Get some more sleep, Deceit had said. But Remus wasn’t tired in the slightest. He just had the longest nap in the history of ever! He felt like he could stay awake until the sun exploded and burnt the world to a crisp little pebble. That’s why he found himself still agitatedly pacing the floor hours later, when the sky outside had turned to a deep pitch black. Remus was pretty sure that he was pacing a hole into the soft rug underneath his feet, but he couldn’t sit still even if he tried.

“Okay. Okay okay okay okay,” Remus muttered. “I’m stuck, in a hidden castle, with quite possibly the hottest man I’ve ever seen in my entire fucking life, no one knows where I am, what the HELL am I going to do???”

It was twelfth time that night that he had started this very conversation with himself, and his brain still hadn’t progressed any further than ‘roll over and play dead’, which was not helping!

“Come oooooooon!!” Remus groaned as he dragged his hands down his face. “I have to do something!”

Nope! No you don’t! You don’t have to do jack shit!

“But have you looked at him??? I would hate myself forever if I don’t at least try to tap that!”

You don’t even know why he keeps you here! For all you know he just wants to use you!

“Fuck, I hope so-!”

Not the fun kind of use, you idiot!

“Oh…” Remus slumped in disappointment.

Look, I know it’s hard-

Remus snorted. “Heheh. Hard.”

FOCUS. You heard the stories! He wants to take over the kingdom! And you’re part of the royal family! He probably just sees you as his stepping stool to the throne!

“Honestly, he could step on me anytime-”

NOT THE POINT. The point is that you’re his enemy… He might be nice to you now, but who’s to say that that will last?

That gave Remus pause. That was unfortunately a good point to consider…

“I guess,” He pondered. “That I’ll have to give him a good reason not to kill me?”

Oh yeah, and how are you gonna do that, genius?

Stopping his pacing on the rug, Remus bit his thumbnail as his mind raced. Good question. How could he get in Deceit’s good graces, so the warlock wouldn’t get rid of him the second he was no use anymore?

…Remus only had to think about that for a few seconds. The answer was pretty obvious.

“Okay, so he might want to use me to for “taking over the kingdom” purposes!” He mused out loud. “But if I, hypothetically,” Remus paused for a second, forcing the next words to fall from his mouth with a tremor. “…Were to willingly help him with that…”

…That would be treason.

“It would be.” Remus agreed. Treason of the highest order. But…

He glanced toward the window. The night made it look like a black hole, or the gaping jaw of a monster ready to devour him. He didn’t know if he could have seen his home from this window in daytime, but it was still out there. Waiting for him to return. So why did that thought make his stomach twist and hurt instead of comfort him?

…What did he owe those fuckers in the castle anyway?

Not much, if he was going to be honest. He had clung on to the fantasy that if he only could have his heroic moment, the world and his family would finally see the errors of their ways and everything would be perfect at last. After that forced little game of truth and dare last night however? That childish lie, which he had held onto with all the desperation of a drowning man, had shattered. Nothing was waiting for him back down the mountain. Fuck, he certainly wouldn’t do it for the happy memories…

“Failure.”

“Disappointment.”

“Why did I even get a brother?”

Remus closed his eyes. Inhaled.

“…I will help the warlock take over the kingdom,” He breathed out. “Fuck them.”

He clenched his hands into fists to suppress the full body shiver that overtook him. There was a small, terrified little part of him screaming not to do this. Mom and dad would be furious. Even more than they had ever been. If they found out that he was involved in this…

“LET ME OUT!! PLEASE I’M SORRY I’LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN I WON’T SPEAK I WON’T THINK I’M SORRY I’M SORRY JUST LET ME OUT PLEASE!!!”

Remus shook his head to rid himself of the memory of trapped stuck why was no one coming please anyone home.

“I’ll just make sure they never know it was me that helped him!” He merrily said, ignoring how his voice wavered. He pushed away the nausea that threatened to overtake him, and focused on his idea. It would be perfect! His family would be turned into feral ferrets or chopped up for potion ingredients or whatever the hell the warlock wanted to do with them, and he… If he played his cards right and got really lucky Deceit might keep him around. He might even be his friend!

Are you sure about that?

Remus winced. Oh great, the voice of reason was here. Remus hated the voice of reason. It always managed to sound just like his parents, his brother and every teacher he ever had at the same time.

I mean, come now. You think he would actually like you?

“He can!” Remus said, but even to himself he didn’t sound very convincing. “I mean, he said there was nothing wrong with me! That I am complete, just the way I am-!”

Oh he certainly told you that… But be honest with yourself. Do you think he would have said those same things if he actually knew you? REALLY knew you?

Remus opened his mouth to protest. His mind scoured for counter arguments. None came. For once his head went deafeningly silent on its own accord.

After a few seconds Remus’ shoulders slumped. He sighed through his nose.

“…no.” Remus said softly.

Exactly. The voice of reason said smugly. No. So why even bother trying? It’s not as if anyone has ever picked you. I mean… Why would they?

He couldn’t deny it even if he wanted to. Of course they wouldn’t pick him when Picture Perfect Fairy-tale Prince Charming was there too. He loathed thinking it, but Roman probably wouldn’t have a problem winning the warlock over. No no, he would recite some boring ass poetry, or give him a rose, or some dreadfully boring compliment and wam-bam, thank you ma’am Roman had a magical boyfriend before anyone could blink.

He scowled and kicked at the carpet. It wasn’t fair! Roman always got the best things! Why couldn’t he, for once, just get what he wanted instead of his brother stealing it from him-!

He stopped. A penny dropped in Remus’ head. A thrilling, captivating penny.

“…I can totally win Deceit over.” Remus whispered.

Uh, haven’t you been listening? We’ve never beaten Roman-!

“But that’s just the thing! Roman…” Remus said in slow, cautiously excited realization. “Isn’t here.”

…So?

“So he’s not here to upstage or cock-block me!” Remus’ eyes sparkled. A plan started to take form in his head, in a technicolor whirlwind of party streamers and canon explosions. Roman wasn’t here… It was just he and his sexy rattlesnake. A thousand possibilities suddenly opened up for him.

“I could-! I could woo him!” Remus excitedly said. “Sweep him off his feet! Blow his mind! And hopefully blow something else!”

If he did this right he might actually have a chance! Plus, as far as he knew, Sexy Scales and him really were the only people in this whole castle! No competition! And if he hadn’t had company for a while now, he must- Ooooh damn…

“He must crave the D so bad…” Remus whispered reverently.

That’s all well and good, but what makes you think he would go for YOU of all people?

“That’s where the second part of my plan comes in!” Remus said excitedly. “I am going to channel…” He threw his hands up in a dramatic flourishing pose. “My inner Roman!”

WHAT?? Eeeew, no! Gross! Why???

“No no really, think about it! People don’t like me, true, but everyone loves Roman! He’s got people kissing his ass all the time for some reason!”

Yes, he had never seen Roman without someone (or several someone’s!) grovelling at his feet, begging to ‘pretty please, fart in my direction today oh great and powerful crown prince!!’ or something along that line. Remus had always thought it was disgusting, but right now he needed that energy more than anything.

“This will be perfect! But for this to work I have to imitate mister Floundering Vanilla flawlessly! If I do everything right my beautiful Beau Constrictor will be super-duper impressed and fall hopelessly in love with me in no time! Goodnight, the end, happily ever after!”

…Holy shit that’s BRILLIANT. Good thinking Remus!

“Thank you Remus!” Remus said brightly.

Hmmm, yes, GREAT plan. Except you you’re not really Roman, are you? Even if it works, you’ll inevitably screw up. And once your lover realizes he didn’t get what he signed up for…

Remus however cheerfully ignored the voice of reason as excitement for his plan took over. He threw off his filthy clothes and boots as he dashed to the door that the warlock had pointed out. Behind it he found a bathroom made from black stone, thin lines of gold curling like veins in the dark stone. A grand deep-set bath was carved out in the floor, ceiling high windows giving a perfect view of the dark mountains. Remus’ first instinct was to press his ass against the glass and moon the entire kingdom, but he squashed it down. That’s not something Roman would do, and he was going to be Roman from now on, wasn’t he? Instead he opened the golden taps, and jumped in without waiting for the water to fill the bath up.

With more vigour than he ever had Remus scrubbed away the filth he had build up while traveling. Several golden bottles lined at the tub turned out to be ointments and bath oils, and he lathered all of them into his skin and hair. When he deemed himself clean he sprung from the bath, smelling like a lavender field had thrown up on him. An inspection into a cabinet carved into the wall turned up black towels, a set of clean clothes, toiletries and, surprisingly but thankfully, a razor. He stared at the blade in his hand for a second. Apparently the warlock was not worried at all about giving his hostage a potential weapon.

Deciding not to think to hard about the implications of that, Remus shaved away his three-day scruff meticulously. His moustache received a good trim and he curled the ends up extra fancily. When he finished he gave his naked reflection an appreciative once-over.

“Aw yeah,” He nodded with a satisfied grin. “Ready to seduce a snake!”

The clothes he found were simple, but clean and comfortable. As he slipped into a black pair of breeches and a black blouse with tiny silver buttons he briefly wondered where the warlock got the clothes. Remus sure as hell hadn’t packed up any extras.

…Wait. Were they his? Remus considered that possibility with wide eyes. The pants were a bit snug around his waist…

Running out of the bathroom Remus threw himself onto the bed and screamed into the very soft pillows for a few minutes, lest he be tempted to give the clothes a good sniff. Because that would be weird and not something Roman would do!

When he finally pulled himself together, Remus used a towel to clean his boots as well as he could before putting them back on. He pulled a hand through his damp hair, gave his armpits a testing sniff and smoothed down any wrinkles in his blouse. He took a two-armed candelabra to light his way and threw open the door.

Eagerly Remus walked into the dark halls that awaited him. Ready to grab his destiny by its gorgeous scaled face.

There lived a witch in the woods.

That however was no concern right now for the angry crowd making their way through the forest, torches lightning their path. They had dogs on leashes with them, barking madly.

“The monster is close,” said the leader of the mob. “The dogs can smell it. Spread out! Find it!” With several voices yelling in agreement, the people spread out.

The monster in question was hiding underneath a bush. He held a hand against his mouth, desperately trying to stifle the sobs that kept pouring from him. His back burned, his shirt sickeningly slick with blood. He tried to wipe his tears away, the scales on his hands rubbing painfully against his puffy eyes. He winced when he heard the dogs barking in the distance.

They couldn’t find him. They would drag him back to the town, where they would be. They would hurt him again.

“Sit still, you filthy little beast!”

“N-No! PLEASE STOP IT HURTS PLEASE!!”

“Be a bit more grateful! We’ll get these unsightly things off of you!”

Years down the line he still wouldn’t know how exactly he got away. All he knew that one minute he was being held down, a knife slicing under the scales on his skin. The next minute he was running outside, into the woods that surrounded his family home.

Something on his back moved, and he flinched. Perhaps it had been… those things that had helped him escape. He hated them. Hated, hated, hated the extra arms that occasionally just appeared, as if to taunt him that he wasn’t human, that he was every bit the freak that everyone told him he was.

“Go away,” He whispered desperately at the extra appendages. “Go away go away go away go away!!”

A shudder ran down his back, and he knew they had vanished once more. His wave of relief was shot down when he heard the yelling, closer than he wished they were. He had to move. Shakily he crawled out of the false safety of his hiding place, hobbled to his feet and ran.

He couldn’t stop the tears from flowing, his steps and sobbing deafening in the silent forest. As much as the dark frightened him, the small hints of light that he could see through the trees were even more terrifying. The voices behind him became louder and louder, the barking nearing. He could almost feel the dog’s jaws closing around his ankle. He tried to speed up, but every step jostled pain down his ruined back. Spots danced in his vision, tears leaking faster because of the burning ache.

His foot caught behind a root, and he landed on the forest floor with a painful yelp. He tried to get up as quickly as he could, but-

“THERE IT IS! WE FOUND IT!”

Fear spurring him on, the monster jumped up and ran. Now he heard running behind him, the mob closing in on him. He no longer tried to quiet down his cries.

He dashed into an open spot. It made him feel to open and exposed, and he tried to run towards the relative safe covering of the trees once more. But before he could reach them, another group of people burst from the treelines in front of him. He skidded, turning, wanting to run back, but there was the other group.

“Here it is! Grab it!” “No!” The monster sobbed. “No, please no!”

The mob didn’t listen, only closed him in with bloodlust in their eyes. The monster turned and turned, hoping to find a way to escape. Spotting none, he dropped to his knees and curled into a small ball, his arms covering his head. He heard the people approaching, victory in their yelling, and he only hoped that the end would come quickly-

“STOP.”

A bright light burst to life in the open spot, shocking the mob to a standstill. The monster could see the light seeping through his closed eyelids.

“What is happening here?” The booming voice of a woman asked.

“This is no concern of you, witch,” The mob leader said gruffly. “We’re here to kill the monster that has terrorized our town for too long.”

The monster swallowed as his throat closed up painfully. A witch. Now he was truly done for.

“A monster?” The woman said in baffled disbelief. “That is a child! You would murder a child in cold blood?”

“That is no child!” Someone sneered. “It’s a demon straight from the underworld!”

Agreeing voices sounded across the open spot. The monster trembled and curled into a smaller ball when he heard the people moving again, closing in on him.

“Don’t come near him!” The woman bellowed. “Anyone who dares to touch him will answer to me!”

Most footsteps came to a hesitant halt. One of them however didn’t stop.

“You don’t scare me, witch!” A man said. “I have slain plenty monsters before, and this one won’t be any different! That skin will look nicely on a new belt!”

The monster sobbed a little louder when he peeked under his arm and saw the boots of the man right in front of him.

“Oh really?” Said the woman. Her voice had turned dangerously soft. “Well, in that case, know you have brought this upon yourself…”

Another burst of bright white light illuminated the open spot. The monster only caught a small glimpse of it from under his arms.

“You have not heeded my warnings. Therefor you will suffer my curse. If any of you ever lays a hand on a child with the intention to harm again,” The woman’s voice turned powerful, commanding. “You will be transformed into PIGS!”

Muttering was heard, fear finally replacing the anger that had held the mob in its tight grasp. The man above the monster however only scoffed.

“Nice bluff, lady,” He said. “But no witch or sorcerer alive has ever brought down such a curse!” With that he bended down and harshly yanked the monster up by his bloodied shirt. The rough handling send a sharp shot of pain down his tortured back, and he howled in agony.

Immediately the hand released him. The monster fell back down with a thud while the man above him stumbled to the ground. The monster looked up at his would-be captor. The man shuffled backwards, staring pale as the moon at his pulsing hands. His mouth opened in a horrified silent yell as his fingers shrunk into his hands and hoofs started forming. His nose scrunched up, turning into a perfect little snout. Tusks pushed up from his bottom lip.

“NO STOP IT PLEA-!!” The man’s screaming transformed into horrified squealing as his vocal chords shifted and changed.

Screaming erupted over the open spot as the people dropped their weapons and ran, tripping over themselves to get away as fast as they could. The man turning pig tried to stand up to run along with them, but he stumbled as his legs shortened and his clothes clung onto a gradually shrinking body. No one came to his aid. He dragged himself after them, pleading squeals leaving him. Wide eyed the monster stared as the mob disappeared among the trees, their wails dying away slowly in the night.

His momentary reprieve didn’t last long. Careful footsteps approached him and the monster realized the witch was still there. Quickly he curled himself back into a ball. Panicked logic told him that as long as he didn’t move she might not spot him. Surely if this woman saw his face she would understand why the mob had chased him down. She would be scared… Or maybe she wanted to carve away his scales as ingredients for potions. She was a witch, that’s what witches did, right?

A curious touch on his arm startled the monster, making him tighten the arms around his head. The monster heard curious snuffles and soft clicks as something small rustled through the leafs around him. A little snout sniffed at his hand, insistently trying to nudge his arms away from his face.

Overtaken by his own curiosity, the monster warily peeked over his arm. Two ruby red angular eyes with split pupils met his. Pearlescent white scales trailed down a small reptilian body, leathery wings stretching out as the creature tilted its head inquisitively. He couldn’t help it; the monster lifted his head up a bit more to stare.

Was that… a dragon?

The white dragon didn’t move away as the monster gaped. It only let out a soft thrilling sound as it inspected him with an intelligent gaze. The sound made the monster smile hesitantly. He had never seen a dragon before…

A gentle hand caressed his curls, and ice-cold fear snapped him back to the here and now.

“DON’T LOOK AT ME!!” The monster yelled as dove back into a curled up ball. The hand snapped back. He bit his lip to choke back a strangled sob. Oh no oh no he had raised his voice, he yelled at an adult, this was bad, this was BAD-!!

“Why wouldn’t I look at you?” The woman asked softly. Her voice was a far cry from the intimidating boom from barely a minute ago. The monster however wasn’t fooled.

“I’m c-cursed…” He hiccupped. “P-Please don’t look, I’m c-c-cursed…”

A beat of silence. The monster knows that by now she must have spotted the scales on his hands, the sharp talons where blunt nails should be. Any second now she was going to scowl in disgust and call the mob back, who would finish the job. Fresh tears started straining down his cheeks as he awaited the inevitable.

“Oh no…” The woman whispered. “Oh no no no no no…”

Strong arms wrapped around him and lifted him gingerly from the ground. The monster wanted to beg and plead for mercy, but every word died in his throat when he was pulled against the woman’s broad chest in a careful embrace.

“I’m sorry…” The woman murmured brokenly as she stroked his hair soothingly. “I’m so, so sorry… Sorry, sorry, sorry…”

The monster lay paralyzed in the hug as the woman kept whispering apologies above him. “Please don’t hurt me…” He whimpered in a weak little voice. The woman’s breath hitched and she tightened her arms around him.

“Never, you hear me?” She said shakily. “Never.”

A gasp tore from his throat as Deceit shot upright. It took him a few frantic seconds to stop seeing the forest in the shadows of his room, to realize it was cold sweat dripping down his back and not blood.

With a groan Deceit fell back on his bed, rubbing the palms of his hands into his eyes. Great, that particular dream hadn’t passed the revue in a while. Oh, he just loved how it didn’t seem to matter how many decades had passed since that damned night; the dreams kept coming back. Like a fever he couldn’t quite shake. Weren’t his demons tired by now, beating him up with the same stick every single time?

Dragging his hands down his face, Deceit glared up at the ceiling like it was personally responsible for his ruined night. Damn, he was tired… He hadn’t slept this bad in ages. What had made him this restless-

Oh right. He had a guest.

Deceit groaned again, a longer, outdrawn sound of exhausted misery. Fate truly was a cruel mistress, wasn’t it? Just when he had seriously considered- horror above horrors- giving up (good grief, the words alone made him want to puke), they had thrown the winning key to his plan right into his lap. A member of the royal family… Not just that, one of the princes. This opened pathways he hadn’t even dared to think about before!

Speaking of things that just kept coming back, hope settled into the small dark dungeon that was his heart like the flickering light of a single candle. As if fate was a particular sadistic jailor who adored mocking him, taunting Deceit that he possibly couldn’t break out of his prison cell with just this one blasted candle.

Well. It wouldn’t be the weirdest thing he had ever done to escape. And Deceit would be damned if he didn’t prove the jailor wrong.

Restless anticipation made him glide out of bed. He dressed himself in the dim light of the brightening sky outside. As he shrugged on his cloak he idly wandered towards the window. The sky was a pale grey, slowly brightening the mountains in hesitant light. The sun would rise soon, and with it, it would bring the first day of his new plan in motion.

Deceit closed his eyes in thought. A thousand paths unfurled in his mind’s eye, glistening like silk threads. Each thread was an idea, a scheme… a person. All waiting, blissfully unaware, for him to reach out to grasp the threads, to gently tug and guide them into the steps he wanted. Weave them into a dance so natural, so delicately planned that they did not realize the strings were there until it was too late.

Each thread was inspected meticulously, every possible outcome considered. His utmost focus however was on the thread that would be at the centre of his web.

Remus.

Deceit let his mind go to the man currently in his grasp. When the little prince had revealed who he was, last night on that mountaintop, Deceit had to force his hands to stay still, for his voice to remain steady. It had taken all his willpower to appear unaffected while his mind spun with shaky excitement. He had to reel himself in to not act in haste, but to listen first. Had Augusto finally grown careless enough to send his own son to finish him off, rather than the hero complex riddled fools who still occasionally dared to enter the mountains?

Turned out he hadn’t. Instead of getting an admission of a murderous plot against him, the boisterous prince had broken down in front of him. Lapping up the tiniest gestures of kindness Deceit gave him like he was dying of thirst. Apparently the Alveraz family couldn’t touch anything without destroying it, including their own children.

What a surprise.

So he had soothed the prince that wept in his lap, and carried him to his home. All the while his mind raced. When he finally placed the sleeping prince upon the cot in his laboratory, his plan slowly started to take form.

Now he only had to convince his guest to aid him. It wouldn’t be difficult. The prince already carried the pain of the rejection from his peers. All Deceit had to do was feed that resentment. Cultivate that hurt like a garden, placing a couple oh so carefully phrased suggestions to plant that seed of rebelling in his head. Sway him that Deceit was the only person left to trust. Until the prince was convinced it was his own idea to reject his former life and companions, without ever realizing someone else pulled at the strings attached to his wrists.

Deceit was an excellent puppet master, after all.

It would take him… three weeks? Or a month at most, until he had the little prince think what Deceit wanted him to. Easy. He had done this exact same thing a thousand times before. All he had to do after that was teach the prince all the tools he needed for his little coup, which hopefully would not take too long. And then… Then Deceit would claim his repayment.

He allowed himself a small smile. This is what he did best, maybe even more than the magic singing inside his veins. What was his magic but an extension of his mind? No matter how dire the situation was, no matter how much he was deprived of resources, he could always rely on his mind.

…But he shouldn’t become arrogant. He would rather die a hundred painful deaths than admit it, but he too made… mistakes (ugh). His unwavering trust in his own abilities had cost him greatly before.

This time he wouldn’t allow for any loose threads. This might very well be his last chance! He couldn’t afford to repeat his past mistakes. Not like with-

Tired eyes, darkened by the circles underneath them, looking up at him through unkempt bangs with an exasperated, but undeniably fond smile-

Deceit opened his eyes, taking in the soft light of the sunrise. He snarled at the twinge of his heart, weak little traitor that it was.

“Just don’t get attached again,” He sighed impatiently. “Then it should be fine.”

He stood at his window for a long time, taking in the view he had memorized to its finest details by now. Maybe he should see where Eris had slithered of to-

Deceit startled, whipping around and listening intently. From somewhere in the castle, the faint but distinct sounds of things falling, crashing, and breaking floated up towards his bedchambers.

It appeared that his guest was awake at last.

“Right,” Deceit cracked his fingers. “Showtime.”

After walking for about five minutes, Remus realized the one flaw in his otherwise brilliant plan.

It was night time. His gorgeous scaley paramour was most likely asleep.

A bit miffed Remus turned to go back to his room, only to realize he had NO idea where he was. With no other plan he choose a hallway at random, figuring that if he just tried every door he came across eventually he would find his chambers… Right?

An hour later he concluded that his plan was easier said than done. Remus looked between two identical hallways for a few minutes, before he had to admit it.

He was lost. And an idiot.

With no other choice Remus continued to explore. His wish to go back to his rooms gradually disappeared though as he ventured deeper and deeper into the castle. He hadn’t exactly paid attention to the castle itself before, distracted as he was. Now he curiously took everything in. Unlike the rigid brick structure of his home, every room appeared to be carved into the mountain itself, much like his bedchambers were. In the dim candlelight of the candelabra Remus went down grand staircases, opened doors and traversed through many, many rooms. His footsteps echoed as he walked through a grandiose ballroom, ceiling high windows casting pale moonlight onto the floor, where tiny crystals glittered in the stone. From the ballroom he came into a dark lofty foyer, where sculptured pillars sprawled out into the darkness. Entranced Remus let his hand glide down one such pillar. The engraving pictured a dragon and a snake entwined together in breath taking detail.

Seriously, how big was this place?? Granted, his future lover to be deserved all the rooms and luxury in the world, but most of the rooms he came across were either empty, really dusty or a combination of both.

In the minutes that slowly ticked into hours Remus didn’t encounter a living soul, aside from some spiders in a corner. Not even mice or rats. A castle as big as this would attract rodents! Remus secretly fed the rats that ran through the walls of his home, he should know.

…Did his one true love eat the mice?

That thought made Remus stop in his tracks. Well, he was a snake... And so far he hadn’t encountered a kitchen yet. He tilted his head at the mental images… But then he shrugged.

“If he does eat mice, I will fully support him!” Remus proudly declared to the dark hall. “Probably very nutritious, those tiny cheese eating bastards…” He continued in a mutter as he pulled open another door. He vaguely wondered if he might accidentally stumble upon the room where the warlock slept. Probably in one of those grand beds with black silk sheets that perfectly frame his body-

Nope nope nope, shoving that thought away NOW. Remus quickly opened another door to distract himself.

Aha, finally some different interior! This room was quite packed with stuff. A LOT of stuff even! The room had to be some sort of library or storage room, as a circle of nearly ceiling high bookcases took up most of the space of the quite spacious room. Curiously Remus stepped inside. Through the windows Remus saw that the sky was brightening into hues of pink and orange, welcoming the rising sun. It gave him more light to inspect the room and its peculiar contents. Empty bottles, old books and skulls, mostly animal but some human were haphazardly strewn about the shelves, stuffed among boxes and some miscellaneous things. Remus saw a dusty lute, its strings flaccid from disuse, cauldrons black with soot and rolls with parchment that looked like they would crumble to dust if Remus were to touch them. A black suit of armour, detailed with gold-leaf, stood against the far end of the wall.

Remus gave a low whistle as he slowly circled around, craning his head to take in the large bookcases-

He stopped dead in his tracks. Suspended from the ceiling hung a skeleton. It was so large that it stretched out over the whole room. Remus’ jaw dropped.

Holy shit, was that the skeleton of a whale??

“…That’s not real!” Remus said, as he looked starry-eyed at the skeleton. “Can’t be! How the hell would he get it all the way up here on a fucking mountain??” Or was it real?? “No, no, it’s clearly fake! Not real!”

…Or was it?

One second Remus was staring up at the skeleton. The next thing he knew he had put down his candelabra and was climbing already halfway up one of the bookcases. He had to know, he HAD to know!!

When he reached the top shelf he stretched out his hand towards the skeleton. Damn it, it was still out of his reach! Frustrated he swung his arm to and fro, constantly missing his prize by a few centimetres. Come on, come on! He thought as he stretched out on his tippy toes. Almost! Almoooooost…

A piece of dust tickled his nose. Remus scrunched up his face, trying to repress the rising urge to-

“ACHOO!!” Remus’ sneeze echoed in the large room and shook through his body. The bookcase wobbled. Remus froze. Uh-oh.

“No. Nononononono-!” He pleaded as he felt the bookcase tip ever so gently backwards. He tried to wiggle it back in his place, but to no avail. With a cursed out shout Remus’ grip on the wood slipped. His stomach lurched as he plunged down and made hard contact with the stone floor. Sharp pain shot through his wrist. Remus cursed, cradling his arm close. His wrist however was the least of his concerns, as the bookcase tilted further and loomed over him. Remus paled as he saw the contents begin to slide. In a rain of bottles, books and boxes Remus had to half roll, half run out of harm’s way. One book landed painfully on his skull, but he came out of the downpour of years of clutter with no further injury. Remus breathed out in relief, but he was too quick. The bookcase heavily crashed against the second bookcase, which also started to dangerously tilt over.

“Nonononononono-!!” Remus desperately shook his head, holding out his uninjured hand as if to force the bookcase upright. To no avail. With a wooden groan the second bookcase lurched over, its contents gliding out and smashing to bits on the on the floor. And much like his predecessor it slammed into the third bookcase.

Helplessly Remus ran around as if to delay the inevitable, but in the end he could only look on horrified as the bookcases fell down one by one like a row of dominos, emptying their content with enthusiastic cacophony. Remus shrunk at every loud CRASH, every bottle that shattered and scattered glass over the floor. The vibrations through the floor made the suit of armour at the wall tremble.

“No, no, no please-!!” Remus wailed as he saw the helmet wobble.

With one final loud CLANG and BANG, the suit of armour fell to pieces on the floor. The helmet rolled over and came to a stop at Remus’ feet, who stood amidst the rubble like the last survivor of a grievous battlefield. Paralyzed as a rabbit staring down the wolf’s jaw, Remus took in the wreckage he caused. One final bottle slid down from the pile of books it landed on and doused Remus’ feet with glass.

“Okay, you know what?” Remus said with all the hysterical brightness of gambler who suddenly realized that he was playing a losing game. “New plan, new plan! I’m going to hide somewhere deep and dark,” He turned. “And hope he’ll never find me-!” “Good morning.” Deceit said calmly to his face.

“HOLY FUCK!!!” Remus flailed backwards screeching, tripped over the helmet and made a very ungraceful landing in a pile of what used to be several functioning bookcases. Remus cursed under his breath, tried to sit up, only to have another bookshelf give way underneath him, causing a pang of sharp pain to shoot through his banged up wrist. Letting out a fresh litany of curses, Remus finally managed to haul himself up in a sitting position amongst his created chaos. He gawked with open mouth at the sudden appearance of the most gorgeous man on earth the warlock, who gave him a very unimpressed look. When the fuck he did get here??

“Heh heh,” Remus nervously laughed. “You are…” He waved his hand up and down, trying to find a word. Stunning. Sexy. Hot as hell. “So quiet!” He settled on.

Deceit’s mouth quirked up in a small smirk and Remus swallowed thickly. Oh fuck… he got prettier. How the hell was that even possible??

“I try my best.” Deceit said dryly. Remus repressed the shiver that wanted to creep over his spine because of that oil-slicked voice. He wanted to crawl into the other’s throat and build his nest in those vocal cords just so he could listen to that voice always-

Any other dreamy visions instantly died when Deceit looked away from him, and instead took the room in slowly, examining the wreckage with a slight frown. Oh no.

“Care to explain to me,” Deceit said as he looked back at Remus. “What exactly happened here?” Remus suddenly thought that he maybe he should have just flung himself down a cliff when he had the chance.

“Uuuh… What happened? Did something happen, I don’t know-! What is a happening anyway-??” Remus babbled as he scrambled up from the mess in a fluster of uncoordinated limbs. When he finally stood he looked bamboozled at the shambled room like he hadn’t noticed it before. “Oh, this!” He laughed and turned to the other man with all the convincing act of a background actor in an amateur play. “I assure you, there’s a, uum… Perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this!”

Deceit raised an eyebrow. “Oh is there?” He asked amusedly.

“Hmm-hmm!” Remus nodded vigorously with a large grin.

“Well do tell!” Deceit said, as he waved his arms in an inviting gesture. “I’m all ears.”

Remus blanched. “Uuuuh…” He said, his mind racing. “Right! Yes! Okay, so get this-”

Words left his mouth without stopping by his brain first to say hello. Remus wasn’t sure what he was babbling on about as the minutes passed, but cut him some slack! The warlock’s calm attention made him more nervous than any yelling had ever done. He really wasn’t used to this. Usually people didn’t give him the time to explain himself! They just saw a mess, assumed he did it and started screaming. Not the warlock though. Deceit just listened, his hands resting in the small of his back, one eyebrow elegantly raised and an amused little smile playing on his lips while Remus kept spouting bullshit. God, what the fuck was he even saying anymore? He had no idea! Better end it quickly.

“-And that’s how it all happened, thank you very much, the end!” Remus squeezed out with his final breath. With a large gulp he leaned on his legs, wheezing slightly. Deceit tilted his head in thought.

“So… Just to recap,” The warlock said after a few seconds. “An army of gnomes broke through the window, had an orgy on my bookcases before summoning a demon, trashing the room and flinging themselves out the window whilst using their deal with the demon to magically fix the windows?”

…Fuck. Was that what he had been saying? Roll with it, roll with it.

“Yup!” Remus squeaked.

Deceit gave a short hum as he pursed his lips in thought. Remus allowed hope to flare up in his chest. Was he actually going to get away with this??

“You know,” Deceit said slowly. “For someone who’s very good at lying to himself, you are absolutely horrible at lying to other people.”

Aaaaaaand that hope died a gruesome bloody death. Right, well, Remus would say it was nice knowing himself, but that would be a lie.

“So, try again,” Deceit’s eyes hardened. “What happened?”

Remus crumbled into himself, wringing his hands together. “Well, I-!” He started, but stopped when Deceit raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t test me, little prince.” The warlock said evenly. He didn’t need to raise his voice to make Remus squirm. “I… I wanted to know if the skeleton on the ceiling was real…” Remus finally admitted in defeat as he pointed upwards at the skeleton in question.

“Right,” Deceit said with nod. “So did you satisfy your curiosity?”

“No… Because the bookcase I tried to climb fell over… Which made the other bookcase fall over, and then that one made the third one fall over, before-” No, stop talking. No one wants to listen to your stupid rambling, moron. “You get the picture…” He finished in a mutter.

“And there it is… The truth.” The warlock hummed. “Was that so hard?”

Remus didn’t answer. He kept from flinching when the warlock stepped closer by sheer force of will alone.

“Now. What to do with you…”

Remus stared at his feet. He knew what was coming next. He bit his lip, braced himself-

“Are you hurt?”

Remus blinked up at him. “…What-?”

“Are you hurt?” Deceit repeated patiently.

“I…” Remus stared. Wait… That’s… definitely not the direction this should go. “Not… Not really, I guess-?” He finally said, ignoring the dull ache in his wrist. That hardly even counted as hurt.

“Good.” Deceit smiled. He snapped his fingers, his eyes briefly flaring gold. A rumble erupted from the room behind him and Remus turned, only to gape when the room slowly started to rebuild itself. Bookcases righted themselves with a groan, the fractures in the wood disappeared in a golden glow, broken bottles fused back with a sharp singing sound. Remus had to duck when books flung themselves back to their original places; the suit of armour assembled itself back together. Remus was pretty sure he had to pick up his jaw from the floor when within a minute the room was completely spotless, like nothing had ever happened.

Heh, wouldn’t that be funny? If his jaw literally dislocated itself from his face to leave behind a gaping, bloody hole with only his wagging tongue left-

NO. No, that wasn’t a Roman thought! Focus!

“Well, that was that,” Deceit interrupted his thoughts. “Please refrain from climbing on tall things in the future. I would hate for you to break something I can not fix.”

Remus tore his bewildered wide-eyed look away from the newly restored room to stare back at the other. “You mean… Like the windows…?” He asked uncertainly. Deceit raised an eyebrow.

“I mean like your neck, dearie.”

Remus had no idea how to respond to that even if he wanted to. This was so far removed from how these kinds of conversations usually went for him that he was officially out of ideas.

“Make no mistake,” Deceit said. “Next time you make a mess like this-”

Ah, right, now he would get the bodily threats, okay-

“-You will be cleaning it up yourself.”

…Or maybe not.

“And one more thing…”

Within the blink of an eye the warlock moved. Remus’ breath jittered to a stop when the other man was suddenly much closer, barely a hair width between them. Even without the golden glow Remus helplessly got lost in those fierce two-toned eyes.

“Do not lie to me again,” Deceit hissed, his fangs pushing out over his lower lip. “I do not appreciate being lied to, even when you are amazingly bad at it. Have I made myself clear?”

Remus’ heart thundered in his ears at the close proximity of the warlock. He drunk in every little detail that he had missed the first time, like how brightly yellow the left eye was. Or how the specks of gold in his hazel eye shimmered, as if his golden magic still shone through even without using it. Remus had thought they were about the same height, but this close he realized the warlock was juuuuuuust a smidge shorter than he was. He would have to lean down an eetsy-beetsy tiny bit to kiss those pretty lips. Remus had no idea why that little detail excited him so much, but it did.

“Super clear!” Remus squeaked, hoping to god he wasn’t blushing. Blushing was for the fucking weak. Deceit narrowed his eyes, giving him a sceptical glare. Remus tried to give him his best Roman-esque smile back. He couldn’t help but feel that on him it looked less charming and more like he was high off his ass.

“Right,” Deceit eventually said as he stepped away from him, and Remus bludgeoned down the urge to reach out and pull him back. “Are you hungry?”

Yes. Very hungry. Hungry for your DIC- “Yep! Definitely!” Remus brightly stopped his own head. “I could eat!”

Deceit gave him an odd look, but made no comment. “Come with me then.” He said as he waved him along. Remus followed him out of the room eagerly.

“Oh, and by the way,” Deceit threw a smile over his shoulder that made Remus’ legs all wobbly. “Yes. The skeleton is very much real.”

Remus swallowed. He was in so, so much trouble.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #dukeceit #janus sanders #remus sanders #ts janus #ts remus #romantic dukeceit #yes I am making you all wait for the resolution of the birthday party #suffer #started writing #had a breakdown #bon appétit baby

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jasonbehrs · 4 years ago

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something that i already know

by airauralintensity (aka me, jasonbehrs!)

As soon as Siwon says it, he can see the way so much clicks into place in Shindong’s astute, masterful, beautiful mind… But not even Shindong can draw the correct conclusion when he isn’t provided with every relevant fact. If he could, they would have cleared the air so long ago.

fandom: kpop, super junior characters: siwon, shindong, eunhyuk ships: shinwon, sihyuk genres: friendship, angst, romance themes: slice of life, one-sided crush, angst with a happy ending setting: high school into college; metro seoul area, south korea word count: 12.7k

read it below or on ffnet, aff, wattpad

A/N (05/01/2021): Hi, ELF! This is my first Super Junior fanfic :) Title comes from the Backstreet Boys song of the same name; cover image is made by me; and if you recognise anything in the fic, that means I don't own it. Happy reading!

~~~

It's never easy being the new kid in school, and Donghee is no exception. He has no friends; he has to play a lot of catch-up in the first few weeks because where his old teachers left off doesn't match up to where his new teachers are picking up; and he has to spend precious emotional energy acclimating to the culture and social politics.

Add in the fact that it's senior year, and he's at the most elite academy in Gyeonggi on a scholarship—he's seen this K-drama before. He knows how it ends.

"Hey! You're the new kid, Shin Donghee, right? Can I sit here?"

Admittedly, Tall, Bright, and Handsome doesn't usually come up to bully the new kid with such a charming smile on his face in the script, but Donghee still knows his role.

"Yeah, got it. Sorry. Didn't know this was your seat," he mumbles as he hurriedly packs up his lunch and books. He's not trying to make waves on his first day, thank you very much.

"No, no," T.B.H. puts out his hand to stop him from putting his planner away, and Donghee is shocked into stillness from the glaringly off-script performance that the other is putting on. "I meant, like, can I sit with you? I didn't know if you wanted to sit alone or not; but if you wanted the option for company, here I am."

Another winsome smile graces the other's face, and Donghee's eyes narrow. "Are you sure you wanna sit with the scholarship kid?" he asks sardonically. He isn't trying to get away anymore, but he's still not convinced he's welcome here.

Tall, Bright, and Handsome's light dims just a bit, but his pout is still effortlessly charming. It's almost offensive. "Come on. We're not like that here."

Donghee looks no further than just above the other's shoulder and sees a group of girls whispering and giggling in their direction. He looks back at the well-meaning but clueless hero of the story and raises an unimpressed eyebrow. T.B.H. looks over his shoulder to see what he saw, and he at least has the grace to be embarrassed when he turns back around.

Donghee is prepared to give a half-conciliatory, half-I told you so parting glance, but the other student keeps talking. "I'll admit, that's not a good look for us," he says with a grimace, "but would you believe me if I said they were acting like that because of me and not you?"

Considering he's been calling the guy 'Tall, Bright, and Handsome' in his head this whole time, yeah, he could believe it.

Hoping against hope that he isn't about to regret this, Donghee sits back down at the lunch table. T.B.H.'s smile is so bright, Donghee thinks he saw one of the guy's front teeth actually sparkle. "I'm Choi Siwon," he introduces as he extends his hand. Donghee shakes it and wryly thinks to himself that of course T.B.H.'s real name means 'cool.'

~~~

To nobody's surprise, Siwon is part of the popular crowd, which Donghee determines by the look on everyone's faces when Siwon invites him to sit with his friends at lunch the next day. The guys weren't exactly welcoming, but they were polite. He doesn't know whether maybe Siwon said something to them or not about being nice to the new kid; but honestly, he'll take it. He's still not entirely convinced that this is the setup for some sort of 'Carrie' situation or something. It's senior year after all, so prom is coming up.

It isn't until Siwon invites them all over to study together that things shift.

"Bro, what the fuck," Kangin says out of the blue, causing everyone to look up and causing Donghee to drop the pencil he was playing with. Kangin is staring at him—more specifically, his hand—and everyone's attention turns to him instead.

"Uh," he intones, not sure what is happening here and suddenly feeling the urge to look up.

"Do that again," Kangin demands, gesturing at Donghee's hand. His fingers twitch involuntarily at the command, but he genuinely has no clue what he's meant to do. He looks to Siwon with a clear plea for help on his face.

"Youngwoon, what gives?" Siwon asks, using Kangin's real name to snap him out of whatever is captivating the varsity baseball captain.

"Donghee was legit balancing a fucking pencil on his finger!" Kangin exclaims while gesturing helplessly at Donghee's hand.

Donghee understands immediately. "Ah, sorry. I forgot I did that." Without further prompting, he balances his pencil on its eraser at the tip of his middle finger. He moves his hand side to side for fun, showing off how the graphite tip stays roughly at the same point in the air all the while. With a flick of his finger, he launches the pencil up and catches it in mid-air, smoothly transitioning to end with a bow in his seat with the same gesture.

He looks up to find four slack-jawed teenage boys, and he brags, "I can do that with basically anything I can lift."

All pretenses of studying are summarily discarded in favour of testing this theory. Donghee easily balances notebooks, folding chairs, and even a curtain pole (dismantled from the window by an excited Heechul and reinstalled by an amused Siwon).

Once the others are thoroughly entertained, they don't want to go back to studying. Alas, they are at Siwon's house; as rich as he is, he doesn't have any convenient distractions (which Donghee surmises is the point of going to Siwon's to study in the first place). Kibum's the one to recommend just going to the local convenience store and walking around for no reason, which feels a lot like acceptance to Donghee.

In fact, it isn't long until he finds himself hanging out with some of the guys sans Siwon.

Kibum hands Donghee part of his deck for some trading card game he's never even heard of before, much more played; but after two rounds and a gradual learning of the rules, Donghee is now locked into a 1v1 match against Kibum, having just killed Heechul's last creature card.

"You sure your name's Shin Donghee and not Hee Shindong?" Heechul mutters as he throws his cards on the table. "Like, what can't you do?"

Donghee isn't paying him any attention then, instead supremely focused on using his impromptu green-black strategy to beat Kibum with his own deck.

So he's surprised when the next day Heechul slaps his back and says, "Yah! Shindong! I've been calling you for like five minutes!" as he falls into step with Donghee on his way to school. "Run me through the lymphatic system one more time." Donghee obligingly pulls out his notebook and helps his friend cram for their biology quiz that day, but his mind is somewhere else.

He's never had a nickname before, and he likes it.

~~~

Siwon is nothing like what he expects.

He spends most of his free time with the guys now, and he keeps coming back to that realisation.

Siwon is touchy. Like, more affectionate than a dog or a baby could be—combined. Kibum may be the youngest, but Siwon is the baby, and no one seems to mind treating him as such. Shindong is a man who likes his personal space, but Siwon's touches are so genuinely friendly and joyful that he finds himself readily inviting them into his bubble.

Siwon is expressive. Casual observers would never notice more than his charming smile and runway-ready neutral gaze, but he and the guys know better than that. Siwon talks with his whole body. His amusement is measured in congratulatory high-fives, and his stress in head shakes and tapping fingers. Shindong can always tell what he's thinking and feeling.

Siwon is down-to-earth. He's the richest in their friend group by a whole social class, but nothing about him plays on Shindong's financial insecurities. In fact, the first time Shindong hosted his friends over, the power went out, and Siwon was the only one who happened to recognise the strategically placed candles and matches around the living room. He wordlessly helped Shindong light them back up and suggested they take advantage of the dark to tell scary stories. Shindong will always be grateful for that.

Siwon is single. Sure, he doesn't give off playboy vibes, but he is certainly the poster child for monogamy. Shindong would not have been surprised to meet a loving, long-term girlfriend who is just as angelic as Siwon is and somehow twice as gorgeous, but no such person exists. Shindong has seen girls confess to Siwon literally once a day since they became friends (the record for a single day is currently four confessions), but Siwon graciously yet firmly denies them all.

Siwon is his best friend. It starts with study sessions, which turn into de-stress movie nights, which turn into sleepovers—and before he knows it, people from teachers to strangers start considering them a package deal. Shindong doesn't mind, of course. Siwon is less intense when he's not around the others, more introspective and goals-oriented—and Shindong can relate. It's great to have a friend who gets both sides of him and around whom he can comfortably show both sides. He didn't have one at his old school, but he's glad he has someone now.

~~~

"Want the rest of my pork?" Kibum offers Shindong at lunch. "Nah, I don't believe in cannibalism," Shindong says, even as he begins transferring the meat over to his own lunch tray.

The table is silent for a moment, but luckily he places his tray down just as Kangin decides to lay an open-palm slap to his back, laughing uproariously. Heechul is legitimately choking on his own food, and Kibum gives him a nod with a grin to acknowledge the joke.

Shindong feels pretty pleased with himself—he just knew that joke would land—and he glances over at Siwon to see the other's reaction. To his surprise, Siwon is staring at the table with a furrowed brow instead. Shindong frowns but lets it go. It's too bad Siwon was too busy thinking to hear his joke.

After lunch, the two of them only have the last class of the day together, and he notices Siwon still seems to be in a sour mood. Shindong racks his brain trying to remember if Siwon had a test he was worried about today. Maybe he feels like he failed?

"Hey, man," he calls out to Siwon after the final bell rings. "Wanna get some gyoza? On me."

Siwon's face brightens for the first time since lunch, and Shindong knows he made the right call; but in the time it takes for them to head to the Japanese place near his house and settle into a booth, Siwon's mood is dark again.

The table is quiet as Siwon plays with his food, making no move to eat any. Shindong stuffs two fried shrimp pieces in his mouth as casually as possible. Don't ask him why, but he thinks talking with his mouth full will help break the ice. "Hey, you good? You've been in a mood all day."

Siwon briefly meets Shindong's carefully neutral stare then averts his eyes to the table. "I don't like it when you do that," he mutters.

Shindong freezes with the next set of two gyoza halfway to his mouth. "Eat? Sorry man, I'm very diligent about my eat-anything-in-sight diet. If I stopped being fat, the girls at school would be all over me instead of you, which would disturb the balance of our friendship." He ends with a bite of dumpling and a cheeky grin.

"No, that! The self-deprecating jokes about your size!"

They both freeze. Siwon did not mean to blurt it out like that.

He deflates a little in his seat in embarrassment. "I don't like them. They make me sad," he continues in a much quieter tone.

Shindong did not see this coming and, frankly, has no idea how to react. "Um, you want me to stop being fat?"

"No, I want you to stop drawing attention to it. It's like you have to make a mean joke about your size first before anyone else can. No one in the group would ever be mean to you about it; I wouldn't let them," Siwon states adamantly. He means every word. The second one of the others crosses a line, he wouldn't hesitate to make sure they never, ever did it again.

The words are out before Shindong fully thinks about them. "You can say the word 'fat,' Siwon. Newsflash, I am fat. I'm as fat as you are tall. It's just something about me. I won't hesitate to make a fat joke any sooner than Heechul would hesitate to make a bi joke." His frustration surprises even himself, so he takes a sip from his water to calm down.

Siwon takes that as his cue to plead his case, and pleading he is. "It doesn't bother you that that's the part of yourself you decide to play up for the jokes? You're a great dancer, and you're quick on your feet—literally and figuratively! You'd be so great at, like, slapstick or something!" Shindong snorts, but Siwon forges on. "I just don't like seeing my friends laugh at you for… for being fat when you're so much more than that."

Shindong doesn't say anything, just lowers his head, and Siwon sighs. "You want to make a fat joke, don't you." "AND I'M SO MUCH ALREADY—okay. I'm done, I'm done."

Siwon withers and lets his head drop to his arms on the table. Shindong laughs, all tension dissipated. "So, this is clearly bothering you a lot," he needlessly observes. Siwon nods his head without lifting it up, and Shindong takes pity on him. "Alright, I'll try to tone it down. Or maybe I'll do like you said and just sprinkle in other kinds of jokes. No one likes a one-trick pony anyway."

Siwon peeks up through his eyelashes, and Shindong nods faux-sagely. "And maybe in the future when I'm rich and can afford therapy, I'll find out you're right and my brand of humour was simply a defense mechanism for some deeply internalised fatphobia all along. Then you could say, 'I told you so.'"

Siwon shakes his head resolutely. "That's not something I want to be right about."

Shindong shrugs in a 'suit yourself' manner and goes back to eating, and Siwon follows suit.

After a stretch of companionable silence, Siwon speaks up again. "I knew you're fat—I know it—but I don't think I understood that being fat was a part of you. Thank you for giving me a chance to understand you better. I thought I was intervening in something unhealthy, but I see now that that wasn't as righteous as I thought it was." He pauses then and doesn't continue until Shindong looks up to meet his eyes. "I'm sorry if I came off as insensitive or, worse, embarrassed. You don't embarrass me, Donghee."

Shindong looks back down at his food, unsure of what the emotion is in Siwon's voice as the other said his real name. "I know, but thank you."

~~~

Shindong is everything he didn't know he needs.

As the school year progresses, Siwon finds himself feeling lighter and lighter, and he can trace all of his growing juvenescence directly to his new best friend.

Shindong values hard work. The other guys are great at their own things, but they're missing that fire under their butts that makes them actually try. Shindong doesn't just put in the effort; he also appreciates the challenge and sees it as an opportunity instead. Shindong empowers Siwon to embrace his own challenges in a way that he didn't feel like he could do until Shindong came around.

Shindong tries new things. Siwon is a rather adventurous guy himself, but that's not what he means. Shindong picks up and drops hobbies as quickly as Heechul switches partners, and he's amassed a great wealth of knowledge as a result. He's dynamic, and Siwon could never get bored of the way Shindong talks about his niche interest du jour.

Shindong speaks his mind. His friend group is made up of some pretty lax guys, which is great until some of them get into an argument. They never really talk things out, instead waiting until it's no longer annoying to be in the same room and just choosing to let it go. When Shindong is offended, you'll know. When he's wrong, he'll admit it. It does lead to some tension at first, but they all end up better for it as a result, and Siwon wishes he could be that brave.

Shindong trusts him. When Siwon was planning on hosting the guys over at his house for Kangin's birthday since he has an indoor pool and hot tub, Shindong shyly asked him to think of something else because he's afraid of water. That was a request Siwon was more than happy to oblige if it meant including Shindong in the festivities.

Shindong doesn't need him to be 'on' all the time. One time Kangin invited himself over to one of their hangouts—he and Shindong had planned to read the newspaper together to catch up on current events and financial affairs—and he got bored and complained that they should do something more fun. Before Siwon could worry Shindong felt the same way, the other had sassily defended their brand of bonding and just told Kangin to leave if he didn't like it. Siwon loves the fact that Shindong cherishes that quiet time together as much as he does.

Siwon thinks he maybe just loves Shindong.

~~~

Shindong slides into the seat beside Siwon in their first shared class of the day just as he slides an envelope across Siwon's desk. The envelope happens to have the same seal as the university into which Siwon is planning on matriculating. They offered him a spot on the varsity basketball team and sponsored on-campus living, and Mama Choi didn't raise no fool.

Siwon raises an eyebrow in interest, and Shindong simply points at the envelope with his chin. Siwon takes that as the invitation it is, and he pulls out the letter inside.

Congratulations, Donghee! You have been accepted…

Siwon whips his head up to look at Shindong, who has the largest shit-eating grin on his face.

They need to talk about this. Now.

"Seonsaengnim!" Siwon abruptly interrupts the teacher's lecture with his hand straight in the air. He ignores all the eyes that turn to him in shock. "Donghee isn't feeling too well. Can I take him to the nurse?"

All attention shifts to Shindong, who improvises in stride. "Ughhhhhnnnn," he groans pitifully, slouching over on his desk for added effect.

"Very well, then," the teacher waves off. Siwon stands up and bows hastily before half-guiding, half-dragging Shindong out the door. "Awwwwwwgggggghhhh," Shindong keeps up the ruse as he stumbles out, affecting delirium.

Once they're out of sight from the doorway, they run down the halls until they reach the bathroom, trying without success to contain their giggles along the way. "Couldn't give me a head's up back there?" Shindong teases as he sits on the edge of a sink, lightly panting.

"Couldn't give me a head's up that you were applying to my university?" Siwon punches Shindong's shoulder, acting affronted, but he swoops in for a bone-crushing hug immediately afterwards.

Shindong awkwardly returns the hug. (Siwon pinning his arms to his side means he can only reach Siwon's elbows.) His voice is quiet when he says, "My hopes were already up. I didn't want to get yours up, too."

Siwon gets it, so he lets it and Shindong go. The excited smile stays on his face, though. "Are you gonna go?"

"I don't know, man. They gave me a scholarship, but that just brings the tuition cost down to the same price as the local uni. I'd still have to get a job or a work-study to help offset the costs; and on top of that, I'd be so far away from home…"

"... But you're willing to go through all that just to keep going to the same school as me?" Siwon offers cheekily, squashing that incredibly light feeling in his chest with humour.

Shindong rolls his eyes. "I was gonna say, 'But all that is doable, and hey, at least you'll be there for me to mooch off of,'" he says with an attitude, but the corners of his lips quirk up at the end.

"You're right. I'll be there for you," Siwon affirms. Something about the serious way he said that makes Shindong feel like he's missing something, but he brushes it off. He was a little nervous about going so far away for school, but he has a feeling he'll be fine with Siwon around.

~~~

Siwon sidles up to Heechul, who casually throws his arm around the newcomer's shoulders despite the height difference. "How's my favourite wallet doing?" Heechul teases.

They're the only two to share this free period, and they often spend it outside, chatting, listening to music, doing homework, whatever. This time, Siwon finds Heechul leaning against a wall and people-watching.

"What's your read on Shindong?" Siwon asks as casually as possible. He's hoping he doesn't need to explain further, and luckily Heechul doesn't need clarification. Heechul knows what Siwon means.

He also knows: "Give up before it's too late."

Siwon's hopes plummet. "Really?" he asks, face and voice coloured by obvious disappointment.

Heechul looks over at Siwon and realises it is, in fact, too late for the other. His heart clenches for his long-time friend, and Heechul finds himself equivocating out of a need to assuage him. "Maybe I'm wrong for once. Like, what do I know? I'm just 18."

Siwon tries on a bright smile. "Yeah, maybe. There's gotta be a first time for everything, right, hyung?"

But now is not one of those times, and Heechul knows it. "Don't say I didn't warn you, though." He tries on a reassuring grin and a friendly knock on Siwon's shoulder.

He knows it looks more like a grimace, and he knows Siwon is ignoring that. He just doesn't know how long it'll take before Siwon's heart breaks.

He may not have had Heechul's fullest support, but Siwon has spent Too Many days thinking about this to go back now. It took long enough as it is to even get to this point; but if he's being honest with himself, he knew it was only a matter of time.

He finds his opportunity on their way home from school the week before showtime.

"Shindong, wanna go to prom with me?" "What?"

Shindong gives him a look so incredulous, Siwon is reminded of one of those dogs with smushed faces. The thought makes him smile even though his heart feels simultaneously too heavy and too fast.

"Should I, um, should I repeat myself?" he asks while trying to hide his shaking hands by grabbing onto his backpack straps.

"I'm just… so confused. Didn't Kwon Boa ask you to prom yesterday? Did she dump you already? What did you do?!"

In truth, Siwon turned her down as soon as she asked him, but saying that now would be unhelpful for his purposes.

"Even if you did somehow fuck up your chance with the prettiest, most sought-after girl in school, you still could ask literally anyone to be your date? Why would you go the friend route for prom? It's not even a valid Plan Z," Shindong continues.

Siwon pouts. "If I can ask anyone, why can't I ask you?"

Shindong is unimpressed, and Siwon wavers in his conviction. He wasn't originally going to tell him, but…

This could be it. This could be his chance to confess to Shindong.

There's always the chance that Shindong would reject him, of course. He'd probably use Siwon's own technique against him, too; that would be pretty pathetic. Then he'd promise that this wouldn't affect their friendship, except it will because he'll be too awkward around Siwon; and slowly but surely, he'd pull away from the other until Siwon finds himself at university, alone and painfully aware of how close he is to his best friend who is completely out of reach—oh God, of course he can't confess to Shindong.

The aforementioned snaps his fingers in Siwon's face, and Siwon resolutely sticks to his plan. He throws a casual arm around Shindong's shoulder and forces them to keep walking. "I heard from the seniors before us that prom's more fun with friends anyway. Why go with some girl I don't know when I can go with you?"

"Siwon, I know you're lying to me."

"What?" Siwon's step falters.

"We're best friends, of course I know." Besides the fact that Siwon is unconsciously telegraphing, the other guys have found dates already. Siwon would have brought it up with all of them if he really wanted to go with friends.

Siwon bites his bottom lip, waiting for whatever fallout comes from his decision to open this can of worms.

Shindong sighs and slips his hand into Siwon's. He's learned touching helps. "It also means I know when to let it go. I'll go to prom with you, flower boy."

Siwon cannot contain himself. "HE SAID YES!" he yells into the sky as he runs around, hooting and hollering in unadulterated jubilation.

Shindong shakes his head with annoyed fondness as he continues walking home, expecting Siwon to catch up with him once he's tired out.

(And it turns out Siwon's seniors were right: prom is a lot more fun with friends.)

~~~

Their final hurrah takes place at the height of the summer. Between family vacations and Siwon moving in early for the summer basketball bootcamp the university is making him attend, it's the only time they'll have where all five are available before the fall comes and scatters them away.

Siwon's family lets them borrow one of their cars for the day, and they make the maknae drive them all the way to the beach as early as they could go (read: as early as Kangin could wake up). The day progresses with plenty of frisbee on the sand, frolicking in the sea, and flirting at the food shacks. The ever present feeling that this may be the last time all of them are gathered together in a long time is never lost on any of them, so they make the most of every moment, earning them unheeded glares from the lifeguard on duty.

Sunset finds them around a small bonfire near the surf. To no one's surprise, Kangin managed to lift some beers from his parents, so they drink as they talk and watch the embers float up into the gradually darkening sky. Gone with the sun is the high energy from the day, leaving behind a calmer and more contemplative atmosphere.

Heechul speaks up after a comfortable stretch of silence. "So, I already know what those two fogies are doing come fall," he says while pointing to where Siwon and Shindong sit on opposite sides of the fire, "but what about you guys?" he directs towards Kangin and Kibum. "All I know is that college really isn't the cards for you."

Kibum ducks his head shyly. "I, uh, made it past the first round of auditions at MS Entertainment."

"WHAT?!" "Like, the MS Entertainment!?" "Um, when was this?!" "You're thinking of joining the entertainment industry?"

The last question surprisingly comes from Siwon, and the other guys shoot him a look. Siwon lifts his hands up in defense. "It's just that, Kibum, I've never even heard you sing."

Kibum shakes his head. "No, I wanna be an actor. I realised it after I missed out on auditions for the school play. For just a few hours a day, it'll be nice to pretend I'm not me. I think I could be really good at it if I got the chance." The guys nod, knowing very well how Kibum struggles to be and express himself without pretense.

"I can't wait to see you on TV one day, man," Shindong says with a smile. "If you book a commercial, I am buying one thousand units of whatever you're selling. I don't care what it is. I'll end up with a thousand pairs of jeans if I must," Kangin jokes.

Kibum grins appreciatively and nods towards Kangin in turn. "What about you, then?"

Kangin puffs out his chest with pride. "I'm gonna start at a baseball development camp out in Gangwon. If I work hard and play my cards right, I might get recruited at one of the farm teams in the Futures League. It would be awesome if I got into one of the Seoul clubs, just so I could stay close to home."

Shindong smirks. "Okay, let's say you had to go to a southern team. Which one would you pick? 1, 2, 3…"

"The Dinos."

Heechul barks out a laugh. "If you think I'd go all the way to fuckin' Changwon just to see your sorry ass… Well, a bitch might."

Siwon quirks an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah? What is the self-proclaimed biggest star in the universe, the Great Kim Heechul, doing instead?"

"Whatever it takes, man," Heechul says with a snort. "I'll get some part time jobs here, travel a little there… Just figure life out as it comes."

Kibum nods, well-acquainted with Heechul's myself-against-the-world attitude. Shindong, for his part, tries his best to offer a smile without looking pitying. He can't help but feel like Heechul is making his life harder for himself than it has to be—but now's not the time, and neither is he the person, for that conversation.

Kangin counters, "You might find yourself in Gyeongsang anyway then, hyung."

"Yeah; and if you were paying attention to me, you would have known I acknowledged that already, dumbass. Clean the wax outta your ears."

"How about I clean your clock instead!" Kangin yells as he launches at Heechul, and they start wrestling in the sand.

Shindong watches, reveling in the familiarity of the moment, and thinks about how close he was to not having any of this. "When I first moved here, I was pretty sure I was gonna spend the school year alone." The words come out of his mouth without prompting; but now that they're out, he finds he actually has something to say.

The boys turn their attention to him, Kangin and Heechul halting their bickering and sitting in place where they found themselves on the sand, and Shindong continues. "You know. I was the new kid, I was only able to afford the school because of my scholarship, I'm fat. If life were like a TV show, that wouldn't have been the most successful combination of factors." He quirks the corners of his lips up in a wane half-smile, then turns his gaze from the fire to the earnest faces of his friends. "But I met you guys, and nothing happened like I thought it would. Thanks for giving me a chance."

"Aish," Kangin says as he gets up and moves back towards the group. He stops behind Siwon and places a hand on his shoulder. "Don't thank us; thank this guy. He texted us one day all, 'I invited the new kid to sit with us at lunch tomorrow. Try not to be dicks.' If it weren't for him, I probably would have pushed you into the lockers once or twice just for fun."

"I probably would have helped," Kibum says with a shrug.

"I probably would have filmed it," Heechul pipes up.

Siwon waves their comments away with good humour. "You guys aren't that mean. Maybe you would have slapped the books out of his hands, but that's really it."

"Maybe we aren't mean now, but that's because you made us soft. Remember when I made Go-seonsaengnim cry in freshman year just with a glare?"

The conversation readily turns to their early high school memories, which Shindong would normally have loved hearing about, but his attention is elsewhere.

The dim light afforded by the fire casts impermanent shadows on Siwon's face that alternately highlight his boyish features and give him the appearance of a grown man. Shindong watches this and feels like he's seeing the present blurring into the future before his very eyes, and he finds it especially poignant that Siwon is the focal point of that illusion considering his role in changing Shindong's own life.

He's going to miss his friends and the gentle feeling of home he managed to cultivate for himself among them, but at least he won't have to miss Siwon.

~~~

College is harder than Shindong thought it would be, but it's easier in other ways too. He plays the first semester safe (he's not trying to get his scholarship revoked before the first year is over, thank you very much); but when the second semester comes around, he knows what liberties he can take with himself to have more fun without sacrificing his studies.

So when the volleyball team holds a party and invites the basketball team, Siwon offers his plus one to Shindong, and he double-checks that he doesn't have a shift at the campus mailroom the next day… well, he doesn't say no.

It isn't the first time he's gotten drunk (there's no way you could be in Siwon's friend group for a year without sustaining at least one hangover); but after a whole semester and winter of working and studying practically non-stop, the lack of inhibitions feels better than it ever had before.

Siwon is far more drunk, however. He is as clingy as ever, introducing Shindong to all of his basketball friends (and even some strangers) and constantly slurring "I miss youuu" into his ears.

He would hate it except he loves it. He misses the guy, too, after all.

"Shindong! Let's go see the stars!"

Siwon drags Shindong to the backyard of the house holding the party, no less noisy but definitely less crowded. He happily settles down onto one of the logs around an unlit bonfire and pats the space next to him in a clear invitation. The happy grin on his face is replaced with a pout when Shindong decides to sit on a different log just to tease him, but that doesn't stop him. Siwon just moves to Shindong's log and cuddles into his friend's side, enjoying the warm feeling spreading inside him. Is it the beer or the company? In any case, it's the most cosy he's felt since school started.

Siwon chances a glance upwards at Shindong. Not for the first time, he cannot help but notice how soft the other looks in the moonlight. His cheeks always look so fluffy and pinchable, but Siwon has never wanted to hold Shindong's face more than he does right now.

When he notices that Shindong notices that he is looking at him, Siwon is just drunk enough to hold his gaze.

Siwon is just drunk enough to move his face forward, as slow as the movement ends up being. Maybe that's because he's drunk, too. He's definitely not sober enough to stop.

Then he's drunk in a different way, because Shindong is the one to bring their lips together.

The moment is perfect, even more perfect than Siwon had ever dreamed of—and oh, did he dream. In the back of his mind, he thinks about going to church three times a week from now on to thank God for this blessing.

He wants to deepen the kiss, he wants to lean closer, he wants to touch—but just as he thinks about doing any of that, Shindong pulls away with a giggle. Siwon laughs too, giddy and uninhibited as he is. He reaches for Shindong's hand and wonders how long the other has felt the same way as he did.

The hand for which Siwon had been reaching escapes to throw a bro-y, friendly punch into Siwon's shoulder. Siwon is mildly confused, but nothing can wipe the smile from his face now. He just kissed Shindong! Is right now too soon to be calling each other boyfriends?

"That wasn't so bad, right?" Shindong says as he looks back up at the sky.

Uh, right. Understatement of the century. That was amazing, stupendous, earth-shattering, future-defining—

Shindong keeps talking. "Not exactly how I thought that was gonna happen, but there's no planning for these sorts of things anyway. What's college for if not experimenting and cutting loose?"

Siwon's lovestruck internal monologue stutters to a stop. "What?"

"Don't get me wrong, you're the prettiest guy I know—full stop—but if kissing you doesn't make me feel something, then I definitely must be straight." Shindong starts cackling then, like he said the funniest joke in the world.

Siwon's hearing fails him, but all he can think about now is how badly he wants to rewind time.

He wants to go back to before he knew what Shindong's lips felt like.

He wants to go back to before he had the first drink.

He wants to go back to before he even met Shindong.

"I gotta go," he manages to say, crushed as he is under the weight of the guilt he felt when that last thought traitorously passed through his head.

Shindong laughs harder when he watches Siwon stumble away. Poor guy must be so drunk. He might not even make it to the bathroom in time.

~~~

Avoiding Shindong isn't as hard as one would think. They're different majors. They live in different residence halls. He has the basketball team too, and Shindong was never the kind of person that keeps up with all his friends' activities anyway. A little "Sorry, I'm meeting someone for a project" here, a little "Sorry, Coach is slamming us with extra practise" there, and a whole semester passes by without spending extended time with his best friend and—he's not afraid to say it now—the love of his young life.

And that's exactly why he needs to avoid Shindong. He can't face Shindong casually right now—not when the only thing that will be occupying his mind is the look on Shindong's face immediately before, not when his palms itch to touch the other's cheeks so he can fold that feeling into his memory. He can't know what it's like to kiss Shindong and not be able to kiss him again.

So he's depressed, he's lonely, and he's irritable—exactly the kind of mindset you want to be in when you meet someone new.

"Hi, I don't think we really talked before," the lanky kid says as he stands up straight from where he was leaning beside the open door to Siwon's room. "I'm Hyukjae, but my friends call me Eunhyuk. I live down the hall." He points over his shoulder with his thumb as if Siwon didn't know which hall he was referring to, and the gesture immediately gets on his nerves.

Siwon glares at him, and the guy—Hyukjae; they're not friends—smiles a wide, gummy grin. "Sorry to bother you like this, but I noticed you were taking your stuff to your car. Are you packing your things into storage for the summer?" Siwon nods mutely, unsure where the other is going with this and approximately three seconds away from blowing him off.

"Listen, I have, like," he pauses to rummage around in his pockets and count the pieces of paper he pulls out, "10000 won on me right now. If I give you that and pay for gas and—I don't know—buy you dinner afterwards, would you help me move mine into storage too?"

Siwon's glare turns incredulous, which makes Hyukjae facepalm. "Oh! And of course I would help you move your stuff. That's a given. Although… you certainly don't look like you need the help."

At this last statement, Eunhyuk gives him a quick once over, and Siwon bristles. This whole situation is really grating on him. Why did this guy look at him like that? Why does it bother him that he did? Why is he supremely against this mildly reasonable request?

(Well, he knows why, and that's only adding to his frustration.)

Hyukjae senses how close Siwon is to turning tail, so he resorts to drastic measures. "Bro, help me out," he begs as he clasps his hands and falls to his knees. "I live all the way out in Ilsan, and I don't have a car. I would be, like, super indebted to you!"

"Ilsan isn't that far away," Siwon points out unimpressedly.

"Indebted!"

He stares at the boy's pout, the hands grasping cumbled bills of won, and the mullet-esque hair and thinks he might actually be more pathetic than even Siwon feels these days.

"... Alright."

Siwon ignores the other's resulting cheers as he returns to his task. He figures that the sooner he gets this over with, the faster he can go back home for the summer.

~~~

Like Siwon said, Ilsan isn't that far away.

As in, he and Hyukjae didn't have the worst time together while moving their stuff, Hyukjae decided they are now friends, and Hyukjae commutes into Seoul every other weekend to pester Siwon into hanging out with him.

In the beginning, he had no problems brushing the other off. Hyukjae isn't bad people necessarily, but he's a brat.

Case in point: The first time he actually agreed to hang out, Hyukjae forgot his wallet and Siwon begrudgingly paid for their excursions that day. Hyukjae hasn't brought his wallet with him since.

After that first time, however, it became harder and harder to turn Hyukjae down. He's depressed, he's lonely, he's irritable—but somehow none of that has pushed Hyukjae away yet. Against his better judgement, Siwon cannot help but be drawn to the individual who is experiencing the worst Siwon has to offer and chooses to spend time with him anyway. It's… nice.

The summer proceeds like that: Eunhyuk having a new hare-brained adventure haphazardly planned for the day, Siwon's wallet finding itself thousands of won lighter each time, and Siwon slowly getting out of his funk and coming back to himself.

Even as the summer draws to a close and their event options dwindle down, Eunhyuk manages to find something for them to do. A couple of weeks before they're set to move back in for the beginning of the next school year, Eunhyuk takes Siwon to a trendy new pop-up cafe in Itaewon.

Siwon likes it. It's lively but not too loud, the food isn't half bad, and the interior is fresh-looking without being overly cute.

He doesn't say any of this though, mostly because Eunhyuk isn't really saying anything either.

It's a testament to how much he feels like his old self again that he strongly considers asking the other what's wrong. Old Siwon wouldn't have hesitated. New Siwon rationalises if something is really bothering the other, Eunhyuk would say something himself.

He's halfway through his cheesecake when Eunhyuk lets his fork clatter to his plate. "Siwon, there's never gonna be a good time or a good way to say this, so I'm just gonna say it. I like you."

Well, of course Eunhyuk likes him. He basically spent the whole summer with Siwon. The surprising part here is that Siwon means it when he says, "I like you, too."

Eunhyuk's eyes do something funny, then he shakes his head. "No, like—" He stops, takes a deep breath, and on the exhale he says, "Wanna go on a date with me?"

"... Oh."

And then Siwon's senses shift. His heart beat speeds up just a fraction more than it had been before Eunhyuk began talking, but he can't hear the crowd of the cafe anymore. Everything behind Eunhyuk's determined, hopeful face blurs into a mess of colours and light. When he swallows, he still has the aftertaste of the strawberry syrup from the cheesecake on his tongue.

"Um, okay," is all he says, but he can feel his lips tug upward in a small grin without his direction.

Siwon is greeted with a gummy smile, familiar yet new, and he cannot help but focus in on the revealed shade of pink.

~~~

Honestly, he forgets about Siwon.

There's only so many times he can get blown off before he stops trying to reach out in the first place, you know? Then midterms came around, then it was finals season, then he was too wrapped up in trying to find an on-campus job for the summer so that he wouldn't have to waste money and time moving out of his residence hall… Before he knows it, it's been a year since he and the guys had their beach day, and he uncomfortably realises he can't remember the last time he spoke to Siwon. Was it at that party in the beginning of last semester? That can't be right.

And yet, for a reason he cannot explain, he doesn't immediately reach out to Siwon first.

He starts off with Kangin, who hasn't made it to a team yet but has met with several scouts already and believes it's just a matter of time. Heechul answers him in English, of all things, and he has to use a translation app to find out that Heechul spent seven months in Australia as a freelance Hangul-speaking museum guide before coming back to South Korea to work at a brewery out in Jeju-do. When he texts Kibum asking if Kangin had made good on his promise to buy 100 units of whatever his latest commercial was selling, Kibum simply says, "lol."

Finally, the only one left is Siwon. Shindong is weirdly anxious to talk to him again, but he firmly pushes that aside.

He tries a text at first; but after two days with no response, he ups the ante.

"Hello?"

"Siwon-ah!" he cheers into the receiver. It had been so long since he heard Siwon's voice, and just the sound of it lifts his mood.

"Shindong-hyung, you called me." Siwon's voice sounds incredulous, and it makes him laugh. They're not people for phone calls, admittedly. It wasn't necessary back when they spent almost all their waking moments together.

"Hey, if you had just texted me back, I wouldn't have had to resort to such drastic measures."

Silence, then chuckles on the other end of the line. "Yeah, that one's on me, isn't it? I did that thing where I read it but only replied to it in my head."

Shindong waits for more, but Siwon doesn't continue from there. "So, um, what's been up with you lately?" he asks stiltedly. He frowns; he and Siwon don't do small talk. He tries again, "Did I mention I'm on campus for the summer? I got a job as the front desk guy at the Alumni Office. It has its boring moments, but at least I didn't have to move out of the dorms. I know some of the guys on my floor even rented a storage unit so that they wouldn't have to move back and forth with their stuff, which is just… so far beyond my budget right now, haha."

Siwon makes a funny noise like he choked on his own spit. "Siwon?!" Shindong calls concernedly into the line.

"It's fine, hyung," Siwon croaks out. "Listen, you kinda caught me at a bad time. I'd love to talk more, but I gotta go."

"Oh, sure," Shindong says in surprise. "See you when the school year starts up again, yeah?"

He holds onto the phone tightly. He doesn't know what he's wanting to hear exactly, but he waits in anticipation for Siwon's response anyway.

"Yeah, of course. See you later, Shindong."

The line clicks silent, and Shindong doesn't let himself read into it. Like Siwon said, it was just a bad time.

~~~

The new school year isn't terribly different from the previous one, but Siwon likes what it brings. He's still balancing the basketball team and classes, but he has Eunhyuk now. Eunhyuk introduces him to his best friend Donghae, and college starts feeling less like something happening to him and more like something he's living.

Early into the new semester finds the three of them grabbing lunch on campus, Siwon and Eunhyuk playing footsie under the table and ignoring Donghae's gags in the background. They're not really talking about anything important, so the conversation is easily derailed by the sound of someone hollering from across the student union.

"Siwon! Ya, Siwon!"

Siwon temporarily freezes. He didn't expect to hear that voice again so soon. He can feel his face do something funny as his body and his mind fight for control over what to do. He wants to play it cool; he wants to ignore the voice; but more than anything, he wants to see Shindong again. He has ever since the summer.

He listens to that part and turns around in his seat to wave. The sight of Shindong's eyes scrunched up in happy half-moons behind his thick-rimmed glasses makes his heart ache even as his body relaxes from tension he didn't know he was carrying. He misses Shindong.

"Siwon, you brat! I didn't hear from you much this summer, and I barely saw you last semester!" Shindong laughs jovially before turning to the other two at the table, and Siwon is surprised to remember they were there. "Hey, I'm Donghee, but you've probably heard this guy call me Shindong. Mind if I join you?"

Siwon eagerly motions for Shindong to grab a chair, and Donghae says, "Hey, Donghee. I'm Donghae." as if it were the most clever observation in the world.

Siwon eyes Shindong's politely amused grin and cannot help but laugh. God, he forgot how funny Shindong could be even when he isn't trying. The other brings a seat over to their table and chats pleasantly with Donghae, and Siwon takes the moment to take in the changes in his best friend.

His face is slightly less pudgy, but the puffy round cheeks Siwon loves so much are fully on display. He has a tiny ponytail sticking straight up from the crown of his fluffy hair, and it reminds Siwon of elementary schoolers on picture day in a way that warms his heart. He notices the suspenders and khakis combination that the other is wearing and remembers how hard it was for Shindong to get used to not having to wear a uniform to school anymore. It seems he finally settled on something that worked for him, as nerdy as it ended up looking. (Somehow, that is endearing, too.)

"Siwon, what's your weekend look like? We should do something, just you and me. Grab some newspapers, eat gyoza, catch up. You in?"

Siwon would like nothing more and almost automatically agrees. Luckily, before he could land himself in hot water with his excitement, his brain supplies that he and Eunhyuk were supposed to picnic in the park this weekend. He flicks his eyes over to his boyfriend, asking without words if he could go.

Eunhyuk nods, so Siwon says yes, and it feels like a piece of him that was asleep finally wakes up.

~~~

They're best friends again in no time.

Sure, there were some awkward instances when Shindong or Siwon would refer to memories that the other wasn't there for in a stilted reminder that there is time lost between them, but they easily catch each other up and fall back into old habits. Their lives intertwine in the seamless way they did back in high school, and Siwon's heart feels so full.

He can't help but ignore the red flags as a result. The more active he and Shindong are in each other's lives, the more he is aware of the fact that Shindong does not know the full extent of his relationship with Eunhyuk; and he admits he has made small—inconsequentially, really—concessions to keep it that way.

He's starting to suspect that Eunhyuk knows something is up, too. It brings him a little bit of guilt, but it's not like he's completely avoiding his boyfriend (been there, done that). Besides, the other hasn't said anything. He even invites Siwon over one weekend, so Siwon figures he probably hasn't messed up too badly yet.

When cuddling on the bed with legs intertwined while watching a movie turns into roaming fingertips and forgotten laptops droning on in the background, Siwon feels content like never before.

"Why does it feel like it's been forever since I kissed you?" he murmurs into Eunhyuk's hair afterwards, planting a kiss right there and embracing his boyfriend closer to his chest. He'd love to fall asleep like this…

But then Eunhyuk gently releases himself from Siwon's hold and sits upright in bed. "I have a feeling it has to do with how Donghee is hanging out with us a lot now," he says as he pulls his clothes back on.

Siwon's disappointment clears when his mind, unbidden, conjures up the memory of Shindong's reaction when he caught Heechul rounding second base with his date when they all went to the movies together one time. "Yeah, Shindong isn't big on PDA," he says as he follows Eunhyuk's lead.

"Sure, but I'm your boyfriend," Eunhyuk emphasises. "Hand-holding, kissing… stuff like that is pretty typical for most couples. He knows what he would be getting into when he hangs out with us, and he still shows up. Doesn't seem to me like it would really bother him."

Siwon's movement falters. So Eunhyuk has noticed. "I guess I'm just trying to be a little courteous," he hurries to say, the not-quite-a-lie sitting heavy on his tongue. "He doesn't know you yet, and I don't want to give my best friend any reason to dislike my boyfriend."

Siwon puts on his most convincing, disarming grin, and it somehow makes things worse. "You know, it's funny," Eunhyuk begins with light tone absolutely lacking in amusement, "Donghee's supposedly your best friend, but I haven't even heard of him before this semester. It's clear he hasn't heard of me either. Wanna explain why?"

Siwon frowns at the accusation. "He is my best friend." He may not have acted like it for a while there, but that fact will never change. It's just… "We weren't really, ah, talking much at around the time you and I met." He wants to stop there, but Eunhyuk raises an expectant eyebrow. "Um, remember that time in the student union? That was, sorta, the first time we had spoken in eight months."

The admission completely melts all of Eunhyuk's cold and angry tension, and the sight makes him even more antsy for some reason. Siwon is acutely aware that he didn't answer the entirety of his boyfriend's question, but the other is already moving on.

"You get why I'm bothered, right?" Eunhyuk asks as he sits back on the bed, and yes, Siwon does finally start to get how bothered the other really is. He's never seen Eunhyuk so despondent before. His entire being radiates tired sadness, and Siwon realises with a pang that he did that to him."This guy that I've never met before just shows up one day, and my boyfriend starts acting completely different around him!" Eunhyuk's pout has a chilling effect on Siwon without the hint of flirtation to which he was so accustomed, and Siwon has him wrapped up in a side-hug as if on autopilot. Eunhyuk happily cuddles into the embrace and lays his head on Siwon's shoulder, but Siwon barely notices, too consumed by the weight spreading all over his body.

He's fucked up.

He hasn't been going about this correctly at all, and it's hurting his boyfriend, and that hurts him, and he's fucked up.

He stands abruptly. "I gotta go."

"What?"

Siwon can barely hear the shocked hurt in his boyfriend's voice, he's so preoccupied with the immense and all-consuming guilt that weighs down his limbs. He can't get out of the apartment fast enough. He needs space; he needs more room so that terrible feeling that is expanding within him has somewhere else to go.

"Siwon, where are you going?!" Eunhyuk hurries after him and manages to intercept Siwon before he could open the door. If he were more himself, he'd chuckle at how his boyfriend, 9 centimetres shorter and 5 kilograms lighter, is trying to bodily prevent him from leaving; but in his state, even a feather could knock Siwon over.

"There's something you're not telling me, and I'm not letting you leave the apartment until you do. What is going on between you and Donghee?" he demands.

"Nothing!" Siwon despairs, and it's the truth.

"Why are you lying to me!"

"I've never lied to you," and that is also the truth.

"But you are keeping something from me." There's nothing Siwon can say to that, so he fidgets where he stands. Eunhyuk laughs mirthlessly. "And it's related to Donghee, too, isn't it? How long did you think you could go without telling me, huh? Did you think I wouldn't notice?!"

Siwon is still in flight mode, his brain is still foggy, so he latches onto the only coherent thought he has just so that he can respond to Eunhyuk. "Why don't you call him Shindong?"

Eunhyuk seizes in incredulous frustration. "Can you focus!? That is so beyond the point!"

Siwon closes his eyes and rubs his hands down his face in resigned acknowledgement. Yes, that was the wrong thing to say. "Hyuk, I'm sorry but… I really, really have to go. I need some time; I need to think. You deserve better than the first thought that pops into my head, but I can't give you that right here, right now."

Eunhyuk's shiny eyes are devastating even under the fluorescent glare of his apartment lights, and Siwon's heart urges him to do something. He steps forward, arms outstretched, but Eunhyuk steps out of his reach. "No, please," he says simply. He hastily wipes away the tears that pool at the rim of his eyes and looks anywhere but at Siwon. "When you touch me, I feel better even when I don't want to."

Siwon lets his arms fall back to his side. The need to leave wars with his need to comfort, so he does nothing.

Eunhyuk sniffles once, twice, then says, "Whenever something happens to me—big or small, bad or good—you've become the first person I wanna tell it to. Nothing feels real until I've told you about it." He hugs himself and turns away. "But you don't even want to talk to me."

Eunhyuk walks back to his room and lightly closes the door behind him, a silent cue for Siwon to leave. When he finally does several moments later, the image of Eunhyuk rejecting his touch replays in his mind, and his heart rebels with every step.

~~~

With time and distance, Siwon realises a lot of things about himself.

He's always wanted his first real relationship to be with someone he shared a lot with, someone he didn't have to force himself to spend time with or get to know, someone who made it all easy yet made the difficult parts worth it. He admits to himself that he always wanted his first real relationship to be with Shindong, but that evidently wasn't possible. Just when he had given up on that dream (and on himself), he found all of it and more in Eunhyuk, who literally showed up unannounced, bribed his way into Siwon's life, and pestered Siwon into letting him stay. Without knowing any of the details and without asking any questions, Eunhyuk managed to shake Siwon out of the depressive episode he was in simply by being himself. The warm excitement that coloured their days together were noted but taken for granted, and the cold emptiness that replaces it in the aftermath of their fight is frighteningly familiar. He regrets that it took the undeniable pain that can only come from heartbreak for him to realise that he had fallen in love with Eunhyuk, but at least he knows now.

He also now knows he's a coward.

He was a coward back in senior year when he couldn't tell Shindong why he asked the other to prom, he was a coward last semester when he cut Shindong out of his life for accidentally breaking his heart, and he's a coward now.

With Shindong is back in his life, Siwon thought he could somehow keep both his past love and his current love in the exact ways he wanted them without having to have any uncomfortable conversations, that the two of them would get along fabulously, and that Siwon's happiness would simply fall into place.

He also now knows he's an idiot.

Siwon has always prided himself on being a man of action. He had enough time and distance to reflect, recalibrate, and reload, so it is time for him to gather his courage and react.

He texts Shindong to do homework together at his place then immediately goes out to buy some food just to have something to do with the nervous energy that buzzes within him. He even buys snacks that he knows only Shindong likes because he needs every advantage he can get. He returns with no less pent-up energy than with which he started, so he sets to cleaning the whole apartment. He even attempts to do his homework to distract himself before he remembers homework is the ruse he told Shindong to lure the other over.

His nervous energy is apparent the second Shindong steps foot in the apartment. "Okay…" Shindong drags out as he plops his stuff onto the kitchen table that doubles as Siwon's desk. "Is there a major exam you're freaking out about or something? I can't promise I know anything, but I can promise to help you study."

Siwon lets a ghost of a smile cross his face, fondly remembering their intense study sessions back in high school that none of their friends were brave enough to join more than once. The memory passes, and he sighs. "No, it's not about class."

Shindong gestures. "Well? Out with it then. You know I'm just gonna leave if you're not gonna focus, and I really don't want to leave when there's an unopened pack of honey apple twists right there."

Honey apple twists are also Eunhyuk's favourite, so Siwon starts there.

"Eunhyuk is a man of questionable taste," Shindong pontificates as he munches on the newly opened snack. "He loves honey apple twists but hates seafood. He's best friends with Donghae but spends all his free time with you. What an enigma."

Siwon tries to chuckle, but it doesn't work. He takes a deep breath instead. He can't think of anything else to say except: "I think he's in love with me."

Shindong stops chewing. "What?"

"I think Eunhyuk and I spend a lot of time together because he's in love with me."

Shindong frowns, brows furrowed and looking genuinely upset. It takes Siwon aback for long enough that he gets distracted. "What?" he parrots.

"Dude, that's fucked up."

"What are you talking ab—"

"You can't just string him along like that! What is he gonna do when he finds out you don't like guys? Bro, if Heechul were here right now—actually, I'm just gonna call him because maybe you need to hear why that's fucked up from someone who gets it."

And there it was.

Every unspoken fear he'd ever had, every answer to his heartbreak, every problem he never solved.

He reaches out with his head down and gently stops Shindong's hand, halfway to dialling their high school friend whom Siwon hasn't spoken to since graduation. "I love him, in any case," he says to the ground.

Shindong lets his hand hold his phone in midair. "What?"

Siwon takes a breath, counts to three, and lifts his head to look Shindong in the eyes. "Shindong, Eunhyuk and I are dating. He's my boyfriend. He has been since the summer."

Shindong says nothing.

"I'm gay," Siwon says at last, so easily, because he knows that's not going to be the hardest confession of the night.

As soon as he says it, he can see the way so much clicks into place in Shindong's astute, masterful, beautiful mind.

"Is that why I haven't seen you since last semester," Shindong says instead of asks, "because you realised after our kiss and didn't want to tell me."

But not even Shindong can draw the correct conclusion when he isn't provided with every relevant fact. If he could, they would have cleared the air so long ago.

"No," Siwon says as he draws away, clasping his hands tight on his lap and wishing he could have told Eunhyuk he was gonna do this. He'd have said something to cheer Siwon up, and Siwon would remember that now, and it could give him courage. The only thing he has right now is the truth.

"No, that was because I was in love with you, and I realised you'd never love me back, and I needed time."

The silence that stretches out between them is awkward like no silence has ever been, even in the first few times they hung out again after reconnecting.

"For how long?" Shindong finally says.

Siwon tries to remember but finds he can't. It must have been one of those things that wasn't tied to any specific event, but a slow build until the whole of the structure was unmistakable. "Since the beginning, basically," he eventually settles on. "Not since the first day we met, no, but very, very close to it. I barely remember a time when I didn't know you and wasn't already in love with you."

"I see."

He finally looks at Shindong, who notices and meets his gaze for a moment before looking down at the table. In that one moment, Siwon could tell from Shindong's eyes that he can see now. He can tell the way Shindong is re-remembering every interaction they've ever had in a new light, and he simply waits. He has no more cards left to play.

Finally, Shindong looks back at him and says, "You should have told me. We should have talked about it. I could have been there for you."

Siwon smiles bittersweetly and looks away. "But not in the way I wanted you to be, and that's why I never said anything. No doubt, you would have absolutely been there. You would have been your funny, action-oriented, perfect self, within arms' reach but not mine for me to hold, and it would have broken me. Broken me worse than if you had dropped me as a friend completely."

Shindong is taken aback by the strength of Siwon's words, the seriousness with which he said them. "You must have been really in love with me."

Siwon turns the bittersweet smile to him then, tears shining in his eyes, and says, "So much. I loved you so much."

Shindong's heart breaks for his friend, his best friend, who suffered all alone and all on his account. He fiercely tugs Siwon into a hug and lets Siwon cry out every tear, every emotion, every everything from the last two years, all while murmuring "I'm sorry; I'm so, so sorry" into his friend's shoulder.

"For what it's worth, I loved you, too. I still do," he says when Siwon's tears subside into sniffles, but the younger is still clinging onto him. Shindong won't let go until he does.

"I know. I know you did, do. Me too," Siwon hiccups out.

With one last squeeze, he pulls away to give Shindong a watery but bright-eyed smile, and Shindong gives him one right back. The clock in the kitchen tells him they were only like that for seven minutes, but in that time it feels like they just relived every day of their entire friendship, finally on the same page.

"I'm in the mood for pizza," he says abruptly, reaching for his phone forgotten on the table. "Do you still like pineapples with yours?"

Siwon chuckles while wiping away some latent tears. "Please, yes. Eunhyuk won't let me eat that around him because 'it's gross American food,'" he says with air quotes.

"Maybe Eunhyuk is a man of taste after all," Shindong says as he waits for the phone to ring. He catches Siwon's eye just to sneer, "What's he doing dating you?"

Siwon laughs, a whole-belly laugh, and gets a second wind when Shindong calmly rattles off Siwon's own credit card number for the payment information.

~~~

It's been almost two weeks since Eunhyuk last spoke to Siwon, the memory of his boyfriend's face as he begged for time haunting his undistracted moments. He's busied himself with dance practice, homework, and even once tried accompanying Donghae to the gym just to get his mind off of how much more lonely he feels. It was pretty bad before when Eunhyuk was convincing himself that the way his boyfriend was pulling away was all in his head, but with confirmation from Siwon himself, it just got so much worse.

Donghee—He's not about to start calling him by that ridiculous nickname. The only thing Donghee is good at, as far as he's concerned, is ruining his mood—first came into the picture like spilled paint across a canvas: completely and all at once where before there was none. He showed up at group hangouts and even tagged along to his and Siwon's casual day dates, sometimes at Siwon's own behest!

Siwon also didn't touch Eunhyuk as much when Donghee was around, which is saying something because Siwon is literally the clingiest man in all of South Korea. To have such a gentle, romantic, constant aspect of his relationship almost completely stop without explanation… Of course Eunhyuk was lonely. The only thing that stopped him from saying something sooner was how undeniably happy Siwon was with Donghee back in his life, and Eunhyuk didn't want to ruin that for him.

But now it seems like their whole relationship is ruined instead, and the idea that this is how it all ends makes him even more miserable.

It is during one of these pessimistic slumps that he gets a text from Siwon that he, Donghae, and Donghee are working on the quad together. Siwon signs it with "I miss you 😘," and Eunhyuk's heart clenches. He misses Siwon too, but he's not really in the mood to watch him and Donghee together.

He realises he's not really in the mood to be alone right now either. He considers texting Donghae to fake some emergency so that he could be with Eunhyuk, but Donghae texts him first. "don't bail i promise."

The fact that Donghae, the only one who happens to know the full extent of Eunhyuk's insecurities and worries about the situation, is the one saying that piques his interest. If Donghae thinks it'll be safe for him, Eunhyuk will trust that.

He sees them before they see him, and it plays out slowly like a movie. They're all sitting in a quasi-circle on the grass in the middle of a laugh. The scene is so picturesque, and the jealous pang in his chest rings loud and true.

He almost turns on his heel right then and there, but Siwon notices him before he can.

Siwon's smile is bright and free, and he makes grabby hands for Eunhyuk like he hasn't in a while. Eunhyuk's feet carry him forward without him telling them to, and he has a feeling that was his heart leading. Despite it all, next to Siwon is where he wants to be.

He settles into the space by Siwon with a little unease, which dissipates completely when Siwon shifts them so that Eunhyuk is between his open legs and Siwon is giving him a cosy backhug. As much as he wants nothing else, Eunhyuk fights the urge to lean in, acutely aware of Donghee's presence.

"Siwon-ah." Eunhyuk squirms. "I'm 'Siwon-ah' now, not 'Siwonnie?'" He can hear Siwon's pout even as the other squeezes Eunhyuk to himself tighter. He puts a little more effort into escaping Siwon's embrace, but Siwon simply uses his legs to lock him in.

Eunhyuk laughs; he can't help it. He wiggles as frantically as possible—not to actually get out of Siwon's hold, just to give him a hard time trying to hold on—and Siwon playfully bites his ear to get him to stop. Eunhyuk lets out a mock gasp, prepared to do something drastic, when all of a sudden they both tumble onto the grass.

Eunhyuk looks up to see Donghee calmly returning to his spot, acting like he did nothing wrong and ignoring how Donghae assaults his back with amusement. "I've wanted to do that for forever!" Donghae cackles.

In embarrassment, he begins to sit up, but Siwon doesn't let him, instead pulling Eunhyuk back down and on top of him. He looks for the reason why in Siwon's eyes, and Siwon just gives him a small smile before leaning up to brush his lips against Eunhyuk's. It was a soft little thing, but it calms him down nevertheless.

He folds his hands on Siwon's chest and rests his head on top of them, facing the side where the other two weren't sitting. "I thought Shindong isn't big on PDA," he repeats, keeping his voice neutral but loud enough for Siwon to hear. In this position, he can hear Siwon's heartbeat as he plays with the collar of Siwon's shirt. He doesn't know what to make of its calm and strong cadence when he knows the other can feel his own heart rate spike in nervousness.

"You're my boyfriend, though," Siwon maintains, echoing their conversation from a week before with the roles noticeably reversed.

Eunhyuk jerks his head up to face the other. He doesn't think Siwon has called him his boyfriend in front of Donghee yet before.

Siwon must see something in his face because he reaches up to hold one of the hands on his chest and squeezes twice. I'm sorry about that, it says. We'll talk about everything later. Eunhyuk nods, looking at Siwon with so much trust in his eyes that Siwon smiles the same wide, happy grin that made Eunhyuk fall for him in the first place.

With a louder voice, Siwon says, "Besides, Shindong's a big guy. He'll find it within him to get over it."

"YA! DID YOU JUST MAKE A FAT JOKE ABOUT ME?!"

Siwon winks at Eunhyuk before sitting them upright and into a more casual cuddle, Eunhyuk against Siwon's side and Siwon's arm across Eunhyuk's shoulder.

Eunhyuk ignores the ensuing banter between Siwon, Shindong, and Donghae, instead looking up to observe his boyfriend. Siwon's different again, but in a good way, he decides. For the first time since they met, Siwon looks completely unburdened, completely secure.

And yet he's still here, holding Eunhyuk to him like he used to, which means whatever Siwon let go of, it wasn't him.

Eunhyuk knows they still have to talk, that there’s a lot of explaining Siwon has to do and a lot of confused pain he has to work through, but he also knows there's time for that now. Siwon isn't going anywhere; and neither is he, for that matter.

He looks over at the other two across the way and muses that Shindong isn't going anywhere either, but he finds that's not such a problem anymore.

(Siwon's laugh breaks his concentration, and he notices that's different, too—better than before, even.)

In fact, he might even welcome it.

~~~

#super junior #super junior fanfiction #shinwon #sihyuk #siwon #shindong #eunhyuk #choi siwon #shin donghee #lee hyukjae #jaso*

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helluvascribe · 5 years ago

Text

Hazbinstagram: The Case of the Missing Blitzo

A Hazbinstagram ™ story

An ongoing story from the great creators and artists of "Hazbinstagram!"

For as long as he could remember since July, Blitzo had found a new horse to be his loving friend. He loved her so much, that he gave her different names everyday. During his everyday life at I.M.P. Blitzo had claimed that his horse had helped him make decisions. His associates thought the horse was part of his imagination. Stolas wanted to meet his horse as well, to see what she looked like.

But one day, Blitzo mysteriously disappears after posing in a picture full of static. Many speculate that he had been kidnapped.

But who? Could it be the demon who photo-bombed his last photo? His horse? A rival company?

Or perhaps a familiar radio loving demon with sinister plans of his own...

Alastor has a shadowy horse creature with a skeletal body, sharp teeth and black wings. The eyes glow teal and the mane and tail are thick and black. The creature may have captured Blitzo and gone back to its master. (Art and idea by Radio Hazbin!)

Fun Fact: Alastor was also the name of one of Hades' horses when he rose from the ground to capture Persephone.

Blitzo was seen smiling as he took a selfie in static. Red and black shapes were behind him, appearing to be a distorted form of reality.

Blitzo spoke and texted with static lacing his words: “Hanging with my horse, Enamel Pin. She said it was ok for me to take a picture with her. O3O.”

Cherri Bomb responded: “What the hell type of horse does this to a camera?”

Other comments soon appeared on Instagram, or rather, Voxtagram as the TV Overlord owned all technological platforms.

“No horse does that, but I know a deer who does.”

“Who else is red, got antlers on his head and doesn’t like being on camera?”

“I don’t think that’s a horse, I think that’s a certain deer overlord.”

“Alastor, is that you?”

“I think Blitzo’s horse friend might be a certain radio demon.”

“Oh deer.”

“I wonder if the horse and Alastor are related. He also has the effect on pictures.”

“Are we speculating that Blitzo is riding Alastor…a new ship is coming!”

“Please save Blitzo from that thing.”

Stolas was concerned, and began to type. “Hm…Blitzo, I’m a bit concerned about your horse friend. I haven’t read anything on horses distorting cameras. Can we talk?”

Blitzo replied in an arrogant tone: “I don’t know what you’re talking about. My horse can do whatever she wants. She’s just cool like that.”

Stolas responded: “Alright, if you say so. I may do some more research on this. But I am glad she’s so kind to you, Blitzy.”

Blitzo added: “She’s very nice and eats the cockroaches at my place.”

Later, Blitzo posted a child-like colored drawing of himself holding an iced coffee in his hand. Below the drawing was a colored tan horse with a black mane with her head lowered, surrounded by gray. The picture read: ”How I met my horsie. One day, I was just walking to get coffee again. She was all alone. I asked her if she wanted coffee. She said “You bet I do.” As we sat at the table, everyone ran away screaming for some reason.”

Blitzo posted: “The comic of my horsie and me meeting for the first time.”

Moxxie responded with: “Will all due respect sir, your “horsie” looks nothing like that.”

A commenter asked, “Does he look like a deer?”

Moxxie was flabbergasted at the comments. “Why do you guys keep saying that thing looks like a deer? That thing looks nothing close to those. You humans are weirdly obsessed with deers.”

Another commenter warned: “It might be the Radio Demon. Please warn your boss, Moxxie.”

The grumpy imp wasn’t having it. Moxxie posted: “What are you all talking about?! That “horsie” looks nothing similar to the Radio Demon. Your strange obsessions over the Radio Demon worries me, humans.”

(That’s the fandom for you, Moxxie!!!)

Another commenter yelled: “Moxxie, what the hell does the horse look like?!”

Moxxie replied: “I’d rather not talk about it.”

Blitzo stepped in. “It was because my horse was amazing and beautiful. Moxxie is just being a puss.”

Moxxie grumbled and typed: “I disagree, sir. Just keep that thing away from me.”

Blitzo was offended: “She has a name, Mox!”

Moxxie: “Sir, I can’t keep up with all the nonsensical names you keep giving it! What even is it right now?!”

Blitzo: “Her name is Sandal! She is just very fond of getting her names.”

Stolas added: “This is sweet. I’d really love to meet your horse friend someday.”

Moxxie had a bad gut feeling inside him. It was the same feeling he had when his boss had brought one of the Furby imp creatures home. They were known to inhibit an old organ that was now in Alastor’s possession “Your Highness, I really don’t think this is a good idea.”

Bitzo then took a selfie of himself with iced coffee in his hand. Behind him, an imp wearing a gray mask was seen standing with a knife over another imp on the ground. Blitzo posted: “Just got coffee and I was taking a selfie when this guy photobombed my picture. Not cool. My horse (renamed to Glove) is down the street. Waiting for her right now.”

Stolas agreeed: “Some people are so inconsiderate.”

Someone asked: “How does the coffee taste?” Blitzo replied with “Gooood.”

Somebody else asked: “Why does this look like Moxxie killing Millie?”

Moxxie fumed as he responded: “What the fuck is wrong with you humans?! Why would I ever hurt Millie? You humans are disgusting.”

Several hours pass by. A concerned and confused Stolas held his white rotary phone with little wings on it in his hand. He posted: “Blitzo didn’t answer for our scheduled call. I suppose I’ll try again tomorrow.”

The next day passed. Stolas stared forlornly at his rotary phone. He posted: “Tried calling Blitzo again. His receptionist said he hasn’t been in today but she’d have him call me back (I don’t think she will). Via is mad at me. This is a terrible day…”

Someone asked, “Why is Via angry?”

Stolas responded: “Via is angry with me because I wouldn’t let her go to a concert without supervision.”

Moxxie later posted a picture of himself in his room by closed blinds. He had a sad, far-away look on his face, a contrast to his usually grumpy demeanor. He posted: “I enjoyed how peaceful it has been as of late. But this is just awfully quiet…Not that I care, but has anyone seen the smooth brain noise maker that is my boss?”

Stolas texted Moxxie: “He hasn’t been there at all?!”

Moxxie said: “No, Your Highness. I haven’t seen him around since he went out to get coffee.”

Stolas: “Have you contacted his daughter?”

Moxxie: “Well, yes, but she keeps ignoring me.”

Stolas texted Moxxie, Millie and Loona: “Has Blitzo been home? Is he alright?”

Loona: “He’s not on his couch, so no. I don’t know man, maybe he found horses outside, ran after them and got lost…”

Angel Dust came in to the conversation as well. “Man, mystery shows are hitting real now.”

Loona posted a picture of an empty couch with a pink pillow on it. She said: “He’s not home yet, I thought he’d be back by now.”

Stolas: “We’ll find him.”

Loona: “He’d better have a good fucking excuse.”

Moxxie: “For once, I agree with you, Loona.”

Stolas later held up a flier of Blitzo flipping the bird. On the top, the flier read, “Have you seen me? Goes by Blitzo, the “o” is silent.”

Stolas: “Had these made. Will be giving them to Moxxie, so Blitzo’s associates can put them up around the city. If anyone knows anything, please call I.M.P.”

Cherri Bomb offered words of encouragement. “I’m sure that little guy is around somewhere, Your Majesty. He’ll show up eventually!”

Moxxie to Stolas: “We will do everything we can to find that idiot, Your Highness.”

Stolas to Moxxie: “Moxxie, I wish I could help you, aside from making these posters.”

Moxxie to Stolas: “Much appreciated for the posters, Your Highness.”

Angel Dust: “Aye, keep looking feathas. Hell ain’t too big a place ta miss the guy with horns that big.”

More theories were posted:

“Maybe he was taken by his horse or furby.”

“Loona, I don’t think Blitzo has an excuse, I think he was kidnapped.”

“It’s either the horse or the dude stabbing in the background.”

“Don’t worry, he’ll be fine. His horse is taking care of him.”

Meanwhile, in a dark hideout…

Blitzo’s yellow eyes were wide as saucers as he sat terrified on what appeared to be a green floor with missing tiles. A head of an imp rested in the background. He seemed to have been kidnapped by a gang of imps, perhaps jealous of I.M.P. and looking for money.

Blitzo: “Ok those guys finally left me alone so I could turn on my phone. You wouldn’t believe what I had to do to keep my phone. (RIP my third burner phone). Anyways, everything is fine. I wanted to get on this Voxtagram (Vox controls all technology and media websites). Because if I tried texting everyone, it’d take too long and calling would alert the dumbass kidnapper. Can someone come pick me up before they try to kill me?”

Stolas bellowed at the top of his lungs: “Blitzy! Where are you?!”

Blitzo responded: “I don’t know. Smells bad, though. I’ll get out, just ask my horse to come get me, please.”

Moxxie was terrified too: “Sir, where in the living Hell are you?! Are you hurt?!”

Blitzo instead yelled and typed in all caps: “Send horse!”

Angel Dust typed the emoji for wide eyes.

The next picture showed a blurred Stolas rushing forward. Stolas could do nothing but type in gibberish in all caps.

Blitzo: “I don’t know where I am, Stolas! Just send my horsie!”

Stola began to panic. “I don’t know how to send for your horse! That is why you needed to introduce us!”

Crash!

One of the walls concealing Blitzo in darkness burst open, sending bricks and dust everywhere. Blitzo squinted as a circle of light shone into the space. A figure stepped through the hole on all fours, tall and majestic. Blitzo took one look at the savior creature and raced toward it, happy tears falling from his face. The energy radiating from the horse was beyond anything found in Hell…or anywhere else for that matter.

It was a tall shadowy horse with a skeletal black body, reminiscent of a thestral or a nightmare horse from legends. The hooves were pointed and curved, shaped like miniature weapons. The horse’s mane and tail flowed long and black, outlined in a red aura. The horse’s neck was long and thin as was the head. Its eyes glowed teal and white, giving off an ethereal feel. And although there was static surrounding the horse, it didn’t have the malevolence associated with Alastor and his minions.

Did this creature decide to shapeshift around Blitzo to watch over him?

The horse spoke to Blitzo telepathically, her voice that of a human female laced with static. At the same time, the voice commanded divine respect.

“I am SpindleHorse. You are safe now, Blitzo. Let us be off.”

SpindleHorse had indeed, broken the (fourth) wall.

Without hesitation, Blitzo climbed up on the horse’s bony back and with graceful gallops, the horse vanished into the shadows. Blitzo grinned like a little kid as the horse speed down the streets, enjoying the bumpy ride.

Blitzo ecstatically typed his next post: “Rescue! I told you all my horse would come get me! Spindle broke the wall down! She said I could post the picture. She’s giving me a ride home. I can’t wait to see everyone!”

Loona, Millie, Moxxie and Stolas cried with joy and relief. For although Blitzo could be a childish annoying asshole, he was still a dear member of their family.

Loona posted first: “Thank Satan you’re alright! Cuz I…”

Loona paused, trying to defuse her inner feelings…

“…because we’re out of food! I need you to go grocery shopping, that’s the only reason I’m relieved. The only reason.”

Underneath the meth, drinks and her short temper, the hellhound secretary was relieved her adopted father was safe. Life was simply too lonely without the group of imps around.

Millie beamed. She, of course, was very happy that her boss was safe and sound. Stolas as well, was overjoyed that his lover was unhurt. Even Moxxie, who constantly chided Blitzo’s mannerisms, had a soft spot for his boss.

Stolas was overjoyed. “Oh thank goodness! I’m coming over, immediately!”

Moxxie said: “I still don’t want to get close to her but…thank you, Spindle.”

Stolas rushed over as Blitzo dismounted the horse in front of the palace. The imp was soon locked in a feathery embrace. Stolas let out some hoots and draped his feathery wings over him.

“Blitzy, you’re alright! Oh I was worried sick. Missed you so, so much!”

“Arugh, heh, heh, okay, Stolas, I missed you too…” He was struggling for breath. “You can…fuck…let go now.”

Stolas did before opening his beak in a smile. “Did you say you want to fuck?”

“No, not now!” Blitzo exclaimed, brushing wrinkles off his dark blue navy suit. “I gotta rest then get back to work.”

“I completely understand. I’ll take you home right away!”

Stolas traced a glowing yellow symbol in front of him and a flaming portal appeared, leading back to the I.M.P. office. Blitzo stepped through it before turning around.

“Thank you…Stolas. For sending me my horse and all.”

“Of course,” Stolas replied. “I hope I can meet her sometime. If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to call me. And I mean anything.”

“Will do.”

Stolas closed the portal and posted a picture of him and Blitzo hugging.

Stolas exclaimed in all caps, “Blitzo is safe and sound! Thank you, Spindle!”

Moxxie typed a message to his boss: “Sir, please be more careful. The next time you go out to get coffee, take your horse with you. I will put a slight increase to the horse budget for the time being. Please rest up for today.”

Blitzo found himself in the middle of a group hug, surrounded by Loona, Moxxie and Millie. Millie squealed happily as she hugged him. “I’m so glad you’re okay, sir!” she said. “Mox and I were very worried.”

“You guys do know that I was only gone for like a day, right?” Blitzo asked, rolling his eyes. Tears fell from his eyes despite himself.

“Still…that doesn’t exclude the fact that…we may have missed you a bit,” Moxxie replied. Loona uncharacteristically enough gave Blitzo a small kiss on his forehead with her tongue. For a moment, Loona was smiling and wagging her tail like a happy puppy reunited with her owner. Then, all too soon, she separated herself from him, her tough demeanor returning. “Yeah, you’re fine, good. Now I really need some fucking food and drinks right now.”

Millie was the last one to let go of Blitzo. “If you need anything or want something done, we’ll be happy to get to it. Need anything? Iced coffee? A horse song? Two new human heads?”

Blitzo had to chuckle. “Thanks Millie, but I’m fine. Let’s get to work everyone.”

Thus, the ordinary day at I.M.P. continued on.

Blitzo then posted a picture of a fork in a cup of ramen noodles with an egg in it.

Blitzo said, “Everyone was bugging me today. It was kind of nice. Everything finally calmed down, so I had some 3 AM noodles.”

Stolas added: “Don’t hesitate to call if you need anything!”

Moxxie chided: “Cup of noodles isn’t healthy for you, sir. Next time, if you want to consume some 3 AM noodles, I will make some just for you.”

Blitzo sighed. “I don’t need to be babied, Mox. Don’t worry about me. For real, I like noodles in a cup, though.”

Moxxie decided to let him enjoy his noodles.

Moxxie then had an idea. He did something that he would normally never do. Millie had said it was a great idea and that Blitzo would love it. Moxxie placed a gift on Blitzo’s desk the next day. It was a bag of horse shaped pasta noodles colored yellow, green and pink. On it was a note: “Feel better soon! P.S. please stop consuming junk food in the middle of the night.” From Moxxie and Millie.

Moxxie posted: “About to deliver this homemade pasta to my boss. Millie and I made this so my boss wouldn’t consume extremely unhealthy things in the middle of the night. Recipe on VoxTube. Horse shaped pasta mold is a Satan send.”

Blitzo responded: “Oh I love this, but I still wanna eat ramen at 3 AM.”

Moxxie replied: “What you had was obviously a cup of noodles and that is extremely bad for your body. Do you have any idea what they put in those? For crying out loud, please refrain from eating such cheap and unhealthy things.”

The next post showed Blitzo under a blanket getting ready for bed. His head was just in front of his pink pillow on the couch. A plushie of Spirit the horse lay next to him.

Blitzo posted: “Gonna stay in bed today. Got to lay low since everyone wants to talk to me. You guys knew I’d be fine.”

Stolas mentioned, “We were just worried. I’ll give you some space for a while. Rest all you can. Pet your horse. I’ll talk to you at a later date.”

Blitzo smiled and picked up a little brown horse figure beside him. “I also found my little horsie that looks like my horse! I wonder where she’s been…”

The next day, Blitzo posted a selfie of him in the woods on Earth. Two raccoons were fighting over food from behind him.

Blitzo: “Went to my job today and took this picture in the living world!”

Someone asked, “Yo, are those two raccoons fighting back there?”

Blitzo replied: “It’s not about them. This is all about me!”

Later that night, back in his room, Blitzo was woken up by a soothing voice.

“Blitz…”

Blitzo bolted up from the couch and stood upon shaking legs.

“Spindle!”

It was Spindle the horse. The air around her briefly warped and morphed into little shapes. Bits of other worlds faded in and out, even showing a slice of Earth before fizzling out.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes,” she responded. “I woke you up to say my goodbye.”

Blitzo was stunned. “Y-you’re leaving?”

“My work here is done,” she said. “I did my part to keep you safe. Now I must ensure that others are safe as well. I have other worlds to attend to as well: Heaven, Earth, Zoophobia…”

“Wait, zoo what?”

“Nothing of concern.” Her voice mixed with an eerie sounding neigh of dismissal. Her red aura illuminated the darkness. “Thank you for the iced coffee, by the way, it was tasty.”

Blitzo couldn’t stop the tears falling from his eyes. This regal marvelous creature had saved his life and bonded with him for many months. She was like the friend he had never had…perhaps almost like a motherly figure.

The horse nuzzled close to him, their foreheads touching. Blitzo’s hand cupped under her long chin while a black tendril tenderly touched his shoulder.

“We will meet again, soon. Whether in this life or the next. Farewell for now.”

“Goodbye, Spindle. Thank you for everything.”

Spindle stepped back, turned around and disappeared through a hole of white light. Then, in the blink of an eye, it was dark once more.

The other characters briefly got to see Spindle as well. As she trot noiselessly against the asphalt, everyone stared to look, almost transfixed. Even the Radio Demon stopped what he was doing and stood respectfully. There was admiration for SpindleHorse’s immense power in his red eyes. Niffty jumped for joy next to Charlie whose eyes were shining with happiness.

“Please come back again!” she called out. “The Happy Hotel welcomes all.”

In a rare moment, Husk and Vaggie had genuine smiles on their faces, as if staring at the horse long enough would make their problems go away.

“Thank you, Spindle!” called Angel Dust with several waves of his many hands. “You saved that imp’s life.”

“Much appreciated,” Cherri Bomb added. “Catch ya later!” The characters waved one by one.

SpindleHorse neighed and reared up on two hooves as static filled the air. The horse vanished through another white portal in static before all was quiet and normal once more.

Blitzo posted a picture of him and his horse saying goodbye. “My horse woke me up in the middle of the night saying she had to go because she repaid me by saving me. I got her coffee, and she saved me, so we’re even. One last picture together before she has to go. She says the name is Spindle, so it stays.”

Stolas knew that the goodbye was bittersweet for Blitzo. He tried to comfort his friend. “I’m so sorry Blitzo…Perhaps someday, she’ll return and visit. You were always good to her.”

Stolas sent a picture of himself posing seductively with his grey fluffy chest exposed. Another showed Stolas displaying his butt and dark gray tail features in front of the camera. “Maybe these will cheer you up!”

“Stolas, stop sending me nudes when I’m thinking about my horse!” Blitzo responded in sudden annoyance.

Stolas chuckled a bit. “Sorry, I thought they would get your mind off things!”

Even Loona was feeling the melancholy in the air. It was like everyone was suddenly feeling an unexplained connection to the elusive equine. “She will be missed…”

“Just like the end of Spirit,” said a commentator, recalling when Spirit had reunited with his mother and galloped freely in the vast meadow.

“You get me,” Blitzo responded, pleased to have someone else share their love of the classic film.

Moxxie, too, couldn’t escape the strange feeling. “Can’t believe I’m saying this, but I am going to miss her. I do wish she has a good horse life.”

“Thank you, SpindleHorse!” Millie added. “We love you and we miss you!”

Blitzo then posted, almost to himself: “You only know what you have when it goes.”

Stolas then posted his drawing of Blitzo smiling at the tall skeletal horse.

Stolas said, “Wanted to make something Blitzo may like while he’s recovering. I’ll just drop it off later. Maybe have it framed if he’d like…” He added, “I’m proud of this one.”

But Blitzo, ever the stubborn one, bluntly said, “My horse doesn’t look like that.”

“Oh…”

Stolas was taken aback, hurt. There was no reason for him to be rude like that, even if the drawing wasn’t the same as the real horse. Stolas decided to give the imp some space.

Then he thought about his daughter. Maybe Octavia might not be mad at him like she was before. Sure, she wanted to go to Lilith’s Resist rock concert playing at Loo-Loo World for a while, but overprotective Stolas wasn’t going to allow it. There she was, a typical diva teenager who didn’t want her goofy dad to follow her everywhere.

“Just another day in Hell,” thought Stolas with a sigh.

Meanwhile in a parallel universe...

Alastor eventually captures Blitzo and conjures his next plan:

-Interrogate Blitzo about I.M.P.

-Have Blitzo led the way to I.M.P.

-Retrieve the book to gain access to the human world

-Offer Blitzo an opportunity to achieve musical theater dreams.

- Persuade Blitzo and other imps to make deals (songs almost always work!)

-If deal works, their souls will be mine

-Profit off I.M.P. and take over the company, thus claim Imp City as territory

-Enter human world and cause more chaos

-More souls = larger army and greater influence

-(Visit New Orleans and mom’s grave again.)

-Eventually take over both worlds for endless entertainment

-Figure out what this pandemic is in living world

#hazbin hotel #helluvaboss #hazbinstagram #blitzoradio

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aenslem · 5 years ago

Note

This anon would like to know how/when did you find Swanqueen as a ship?🙂 Your blog is amazing and your gifs are sooo great!

actually i find it cute that the first time you sent it as not anon :D happened to me too, once :D

thank you by the way, im glad you enjoy them

Ohh I am new to this ship and fandom in general, tho I knew about existence of Evil Queen and the show for a long time, I must say while I was seeing all those beautiful gifs and art with Regina, I do not remember anything related to swan queen??? vaguely yeah, but not like oh i saw this ship on gifs :D how did i miss it back then? but I don’t think it would made me watch it anyway, maybe, idk. it would lmao of course it would, im totally in love with them right now :D So, back then when the show just started i tried to watch it, maybe not exactly when it started, because i remember why i gave it a try, that was that epic poster with emma swan with a sword looking at town and it looked really cool, like she is with that red jacket and sword and blond hair, looked like a modern setting fantasy or something, was it s1? 2? idk. but i lasted exactly till the moment Emma brings Henry back in storybrooke and they meet Archie. If only I did not turn it off that moment :D

because while I saw Evil Queen and she was great, i was still not into the show… ajkshdakjhd can you believe??? I can’t because have you seen Lana Parrilla??? :D then recently i gave it a second chance and actually finished the first ep, it was 2 or 3 monthes ago. The moment which got me in the show was the meeting of Emma and Regina, the emotions on Regina’s face, WOW Lana was amazing. and also, i got so angry with the way Henry treated his mother, it’s not Henry;s fault of course, it’s the writing! that i had to watch what will happen next, if they actually give us a reason for him to hate her, but… uuuuh, no, they did not. anyway, I don’t wanna start with THAT, because then it will be a never ending rant about the show because one thing leads to another and so on. I already made a small rant about it in the beginning, and i try to not do it again :D focus on good part, on Swan Queen part

I did not start shipping them right away, i mean, i saw there’s something :D Emma licking her lips looking at the woman she met for the first time and that woman adopted her child which she gave up and she is like super hot and beautiful :D oooohkay maybe i started shipping them right away but not so hard. also have you seen how Emma says she probably has to go and when Regina says “of course” and opens the door for her, Emma is “realy, that fast? we could idk spend some more time… talking and something” :’D I LOVED those two together on screen. Their interactions were really the best part, because even though some stuff annoyed me, i enjoyed watching them together. I understand why everyone shipped them, it was visible why. like it’s the second episode and Emma is already only in her panties with Regina LMAO also the way they look turned on whenever the other threatens them.. hmmm yeah good stuff. and when Emma says it’s Regina’s move!??? JFC I NEED TO BREATH! Regina’s face is everything. The way she looks Emma in the eyes and then on her lips… AAAAAAA

and everytime Emma watched Regina with *HEARTEYES* face akldsjaksjd and that they are stronger together, and maybe she needs her and the way they always go to save one another without even blink of an eye, and they understand each other like no one else and believe in each other and it could be one of the most epic enemies to lovers story but at least we have enemies to friends… yeah

sucks that they did not dare to do it for real, to show us two moms and their son as a couple and their child, they had to make it straight… as always. it would not be so sad if they made it good at least ^-^ this entire show can be described with “wasted opportunities” because really, so many great opportunities to show fairytales differently, more realistic and all, but in the end, it was all about true love kisses which were given like twice a week by everyone, which made them not so special after all… and i still think that they should have stayed with “magic comes with a price” because it was good, it was really good and then they were throwing fireballs just for fun.

and most of all, they could change the game. really, how many shows are out there with 7 seasons and lesbian couples as main couple? it would be epic. but nah, here you have 1 episode with long forgotten character falling in love with another long forgotten? or just a new and not used character at all, without even interacting with each other… but hey, true love kiss of two women, now gays should be happy… cowards.

anyway, im kinda late to the party, giffing it only now, when everything and the best was already giffed, edited, etc. feels lonely but im always late to everything when it comes to the shows and movies and ships, but im glad there are so many great fics out there, i actually can choose from those fics, some fandoms are dead and so empty that there are just a few and you don’t have a choice but read them if you want something with your ship, with swan queen i can actually search for fics :D also, thanks to all of those authors! I try to comment everything i read, maybe not really huge comments or something, but just to let them know their work is still appreciated and i enjoy it so much!

it turned out to be a long post :D sorry and the answer is somewhere in the end lmao

#Anonymous #swan queen #once upon a time #text #ask

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vecna · 5 years ago

Note

Oohh for the fandom meme! Dragon Age?

Send me a fandom!

Oh boy, this is going to be spicy.

It’s also very Anders-negative, so apologies up front.

The character(s) I first fell in love with:

I’m actually not sure which was the FIRST, but it’s a tie between Morrigan and Alistair. I saw fanart of them going around at the time Origins first released, and that’s what got me to try the game!

Alistair was a breath of fresh air, because at the time, I was used to warrior men in games being all Edgy and Rough, and he was the total opposite and a sweetheart.

And Morrigan was just instantly my goth wife, and had Claudia Black as a VA, so I was sold immediately.

Both still hold a special place for me!

The character(s) I never expected to love as much as I do now:

Loghain is the main one. He does a lot of truly reprehensible shit in the first game. But once I sat down and read the prequel novels about young Loghain, plus saw what he’s like if you recruit him, he grew on me A LOT and now he’s a top fave.

Nathaniel I expected to hate as soon as I saw his name + who his father was, but then the expansion came out and I ended up loving that dude almost immediately. I really wish he was around more after Awakening, and also really wish he’d been a romance option, especially for a Cousland haha.

Merrill is a weird one because she was totally uninteresting to me in DA:O, so when they announced her as a companion in DA2 I was like, “Ehhhh.” Then they punked me by making her adorable and sweet and now I love her.

Plus a bunch of side-characters like The Architect? I liked him a bunch in the novel + Awakening – although I found his Plan in the novel much more appealing. But as the years have gone by, I keep surprising myself at just HOW disappointed I am he’s never appeared again haha.

The character(s) everyone else loves that I don’t:

There’s a few, and all of them will get me yelled at, but here we go.

First: Isabela. This one’s a bit complicated, but it really just boils down to her attitude towards how you play your character. I actively dislike characters who are super sexual – regardless of gender. But Isabela in particular bothers me because she’s constantly pushing her lewdness and sexual humor on you, and when you try to discourage it, she admonishes you with, “Well, you’re no fun.” Her whole character is just… like that for me. Super pushy, overly lewd, gets uppity when you don’t have the same ~liberated~ opinions she does, and this is all played up in the writing like she’s this Empowered Woman the player absolutely must love, especially if they’re playing a male character lol. I hate her for the same reasons a lot of people hate Liara in Mass Effect, but with the addition of pushy lewd jokey characters always rubbing me the wrong way.

Second: Iron Bull. I’ve written a lot about why he makes me more uncomfortable than any fictional character I’ve ever encountered, and I just outright hate him, he makes my skin crawl. If you want details, feel free to DM me, I don’t really want to rant about it again publicly.

Third: Anders. Again, I’ve written a lot about him before, but. I hated him in Awakening, for a lot of the same reasons I hate Isabela in DA2. But the changes they made to him in DA2 are just kinda :/. While I absolutely agree with him about Mage Rights, the level of preachiness they added to him drove me nuts, and the fact that you’re painted as a Bad Guy if you don’t like him blowing up the chantry. And from a purely OOC standpoint: He’s become a figurehead for all the aggressive Discourse people in the fandom, and if I see someone list Anders in their sidebar bio, I know pre-emptively that their blog is going to be full of 6 page long essays of meta about how everything is Problematic, and no thanks.

To a lesser extent, I’m also not fond of Zevran. But in his case, it’s not anything major like the others, I’m just tired of Bioware’s habit of making the bisexual characters overly lewd sex-focused rogues/deviants.

The character(s) I love that everyone else hates:

Loghain, lol.

But also Sebastian Vael? There’s so much about him that I find genuinely fascinating, especially regarding his backstory, and his struggles between his feelings of responsibility to his family vs his dedication to the Chantry and bettering himself. He’s such a dear character to me, and such a pivotal part of any playthrough, I’m always blown away when I remember he’s a DLC character and many people don’t have him.

HOWEVER Anders being the fandom darling means that people tend to unfairly shit on Sebastian for reacting poorly to the Chantry explosion. People also like to label him as a poster child of a White Straight Church Boy, while refusing to acknowledge he’s… not straight, and not exactly a church boy either lol.

Also Vivienne, but I think that one’s really self-explanatory. I love her, and she gives a really needed perspective on the Circle, since most of the mage companions previously were apostates. But of course, she gets written off as a Chantry apologist, and an uppity bitch, when people would def love her for the same traits if she was not black lol.

The character(s) I used to love but don’t any longer:

Justice. And by extension, Anders. A lot of people like to rant about how Justice ruined Anders, but I always saw it the other way around.Justice was my favorite character in Awakening. The whole concept around him, that he was a Fade spirit who took human form and was experiencing life for the first time was SO fascinating. I felt like there was so much to explore there with his character.

Buuuut then they had him merge with Anders. With the narrative being that he WAS a spirit of Justice, but the moment he connected with Anders, it corrupted his entire spirit into something he wasn’t anymore. So essentially, the character I used to love no longer exists, thanks to Anders. And it reminds me of that phrase recently, about how the destination is so terrible you can no longer enjoy the journey? I can’t even appreciate Justice in Awakening anymore, knowing what happens to him.

To a lesser extent, Corypheus. He was SO COOL and the premise of him was AMAZING when he first appeared in the DA2 DLC, but then Inquisition had to go and turn him into a weird shallow mustache twirl villain.

The character(s) I would totally smooch:

None? Idk I don’t really have the Smooch Fictional Character gene.

The character(s) I’d want to be like:

MAEVARIS TILANI. May I one day finally have the confidence in my identity that she does, and also marry a sweet bear man who adores me.

The character(s) I’d slap:

Too many to list, really. Probably Anders.

The pairing(s) that I love:

THERE’S SO MANY. And most of them are with the PC, because I generally don’t ship NPCs together. But my top 3 are:

M!Hawke / Fenris is my ultimate OTP in the Dragon Age series, by a long-shot. Not even sure where to start on how much I love it, but two damaged guys leaning on each other to work through their respective loneliness and trauma is MY JAM. And lmao I love silver-sideburned Hawke chillin in retirement somewhere but being a supportive husband while Fenris goes off hunting the Bad Guys, it’s great.

Solas / Lavellan is a close second, with the caveat that I increasingly prefer it with a male Lavellan. Having the Inquisitor in love with Solas just changes the entire tone of the game for me, for the better, and him actually being the villain trying to end the world while in love with this normie elf is just (chef kiss). Too bad I’m burned out by how overly spammed it is.

Dorian / Inquisitor is in third, I will just always be fond of how it’s a story of the Inquisitor helping Dorian be happy with who he is, escape an abusive family, and realize that he’s allowed to be loved. Good shit good shit.

Some others:

Warden / Morrigan is probably my favorite Origins ship, and that only intensified with the way she talks about the Warden in Inquisition, esp if they’re Kieran’s other parent. What a cute goth family, regardless of the Warden’s gender, cause you can pry Bi Morrigan from my cold dead fingers.

Cassandra / Inquisitor might have a lot of Romance Cliches, but I adore it – although, similar others, I increasingly prefer it with a female Inquisitor. I actively dislike the weird no-homo rejection with her, and come on, a lady Inquisitor being her Knight In Shining Armor is just good storytelling.

Cullen / Inquisitor, for a lot of the same reasons as Cassandra. I love me a cliche romance, but I’m also fond of the narrative w/ him of someone he loves helping him heal through the lyrium withdrawals and take time to rest.

Josephine / F!Inquisitor is just adorable all around, and wholesome, and great.

Varric / Hawke COME ON HOW WAS THIS NOT AN OPTION.

On the rarepair end:

Sebastian / Hawke doesn’t seem like it would be a rarepair – you’d think everyone who loves Cullen/Inquisitor would love this one too. I do! But alas. That said, I’m also pretty aggro about this one with a male Hawke because SEBASTIAN IS CANON BI. WHY WAS HIS ROMANCE STRAIGHT.

Maric / Loghain is a rarepair I will take with me to my grave LOL. Never forget the scene where Maric thought Loghain was leaving, and bolted across the camp with almost no clothes on to beg Loghain to stay. Come on.

Nathaniel / Cousland is dear to me, and I love it so much more than Alistair / Cousland haha.

Greagoir / Wynne, I can’t believe this got validated in canon ahhhh.

The pairing(s) that I despise:

Again: THERE’S SO MANY.

Iron Bull / Dorian is my least fave by a longshot. Again, I have written about why I hate this pairing a great many times, but it’s awful and toxic and makes me deeply uncomfortable, and I could happily go the rest of my life without seeing anything about it ever again. Please keep poor Dorian away from that man. He deserves someone that doesn’t sexually harass him until he’s finally worn down into dubious consent (while drunk) and then outted to everyone about it.

Isabela / Fenris. Sorry, but it’s just bad writing that Fenris bails on Hawke because the physical intimacy triggered his PTSD and he needs space to process, but then will turn around and have a casual sex relationship with Isabela instead. Yikes.

Anders / Fenris. Aveline / Isabela. Alistair / Morrigan. All of the DA2 Hawke/companion rivalmances. I don’t enjoy “these two people hate and antagonize and want to kill each other… but they fuck” in any form.

Cullen / Amell. Yikes.

And basically ALL of the canon wlw pairings in this series suffer from the fact they have men writing them, and as a result they’re almost always some kind of abusive or racist, and skeeve me out. See: Celene / Briala, Leliana / Marjolaine, Branka / Hespith, etc. Please Bioware, I’m begging you to consult some actual queer women. It’s insane how badly they’re treated compared to how the canon mlm couples are written.

FINALLY, I recognize this will be the most unpopular of all, but. As much as I love M!Hawke/Fenris, I just honestly cannot stand seeing F!Hawke/Fenris. There are some pairings where I’m so attached to the m/m or f/f version, I cannot deal with the m/f version anymore, and that’s one of them. (The others are mainly non-Bioware.)

#LONG POST #REALLY LONG #SORRY #misc: text #misc: asks #misc: meme #series: dragon age #gen: bioware #utopianoverlord

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timeagainreviews · 5 years ago

Text

Thoughts leading up to series 12

Happy holidays, friends! I know, I know. It's been a while. I would love to sit here and say I have been away doing important things, but really I've been hibernating. The results of that awful election, mixed with the holidays had left me feeling a bit lethargic as of late. That being said, I had a nice Christmas. Being an immigrant, I don't see my family on holidays. My boyfriend and I spent the day piecing together a Babylon 5 jigsaw puzzle. I made my pal Gerry a celery for his 5th Doctor cosplay and he gifted me a replica of the Li H'sen Chang poster from "The Talons of Weng-Chiang." It was a very Doctor Who Christmas! Sadly, there was no Doctor Who Christmas episode!

Alas, it hardly matters, as new Doctor Who is mere days away! As I did last year, you can expect weekly coverage for each new episode. I'm looking forward to getting back into the groove of consistent writing. Usually, the fandom is more abuzz when the show is actually airing, so please remember to check in with this blog, as I will be watching along with the rest of you!

If you recall, prior to series eleven, I made a list talking about some of my hopes and expectations for the new TARDIS team and the new production team. Seeing as series twelve is just days away from premiering, I thought I might do it again. Let's get to it, shall we?

The Thirteenth Doctor

Seeing Jodie Whittaker back in the TARDIS for another round of adventures has me massively excited. One of the downsides to Christopher Eccleston's run is that we never really got to see him develop the role of the Ninth Doctor. I'm hoping we'll get to see more aspects of her character. Seeing as I don't expect her to regenerate any time soon, there's still much of her personality left to explore. We've met the friendly adorkable Doctor, now let's see her bend a little.

One of my primary complaints about Jodie Whittaker's portrayal as the Doctor was that I didn't think she got scary. While I love her bravery, running headlong into danger, I would like to see a shade or two of her dark side. Up to this point, she's been too friendly to be scary. I know I'm not the only person with this complaint, so it will be interesting to see what a year of hiatus and refocusing will do for her. Honestly, I hope they don't change her too much, as she's pretty great. I'd just like to see them flesh her out a bit.

Other than her personality, I'm also hoping to see some costume variations. The trailer for the new season does give us Jodie in a bow tie, which I am all for. I've also seen a picture where her trousers are black. I'm hoping they continue to tweak her costume here and there, as watching the Doctor's costume evolve over time has always been one of my favourite things about the show.

Chris Chibnall's return

Was there anyone from series eleven that drew more ire than Chris Chibnall? Sure you got the people who hated Jodie solely because she was a woman, but on the level of legitimate concerns, Chibnall was up there. I myself threw a bit of mud in his direction, and I don't feel as though it was without good cause. The general management of the show seemed a bit aimless, despite many promising elements.

Something about the way series eleven was received gave the BBC pause to reevaluate the show's trajectory, and I have a distinct feeling that Chibnall was at the heart of a lot of it. From his lack of a season-long story arc, to the villains being a bit shit, to an overly dour tone, his first year as showrunner left something to be desired. The fact that we didn't even get a single webisode during this gap year shows me that they're still not 100% sure what to do with Doctor Who.

However, having said this, Chibnall's core TARDIS team is one of the most exciting aspects of series twelve. I can't wait to see more from this great line up of characters. And if the exciting trailer for this new series is anything to go off, we're in for quite a ride. Chibnall's most recent endeavour as showrunner was last year's "Resolution," a much-needed bit of classic Who villainy in the form of a Dalek. I was left feeling optimistic that Chibnall was capable of delivering solid storytelling. And that's the operative word- optimistic. As long as he doesn't get needlessly gritty, I'm cautiously optimistic that this year-long hiatus has yielded positive results.

The Companions

Like many other viewers, my chief complaint about the companions has to be Yaz. She really got shafted on the level of character development last year. When you have someone as talented as Mandip Gill, it's a shame to waste her. I know the fandom was quite vocal about this fact, so I fully expect to see the show give her more time in the spotlight. I don't know anyone who disliked her character, which is a good sign that the fandom wants more of her.

Ryan and Graham were two characters that I felt got a great bit of character development. The moment when Ryan finally calls Graham "granddad," was a truly exciting moment for two characters we had grown to love. The logical next step, at least in my mind, is to test the boundaries of this new relationship. I'd really love to see Graham meet a new love interest. Introducing someone into Graham's life would make Ryan have to broaden his definition of family even further. It might also be a catalyst for his own personal growth.

I wouldn't be surprised if we didn't also see one or more of the companions depart from the TARDIS. My gut says it would be Graham, but I wouldn't be surprised if all three of them left at the end of the series. As much as I love the current companions, I would love to see what energy a new companion or two might do for Jodie's Doctor.

The Villains

Prior to series eleven, I was feeling very optimistic for new Doctor Who. That is until I read an article where Chris Chibnall announced there would be no returning villains. Other than the announcement that Chibnall would be showrunner, nothing had made me more concerned for the show's future than "no returning villains." It's not that returning villains are a must for Doctor Who. It's actually a rather brave thing to attempt. The reason it's brave is that if you're going to leave out classic baddies, you've got to justify your decision by crafting new classics. And I'm sorry, but some Slipknot dude with teeth in his face is not classic.

From what I've seen of the trailer and promotional stills, we're looking at at least three returning creatures from the Whoniverse. We've all seen the picture of Jodie staring down the Judoon. If I am completely honest, those have left me with the least amount of hype, as they weren't ever even full-on villains. I've always found the Judoon slightly hokey, so I could take or leave them. The plus side is that there is still plenty of room to develop them as a species. Are there non-Shadow Proclamation Judoon? Are there evil factions? I'm curious if nothing else.

Another familiar face is the Cybermen. While I feel like both the RTD and Moffat eras used the Cybermen ad nauseam, they're still a classic baddie with a solid track record. It appears they'll have something to do with the finale and that "timeless child," storyline I'm uninterested in, so fine, sure, ok. The real alien species I'm excited for is the Racnoss! Much like the Judoon, the Racnoss are also underdeveloped. I wasn't a big fan of them the first time around, which is why I'm excited for more. I'm curious to see what depth can be found in these campy arachnids. If nothing else, the makeup is fun.

The Guest Actors

Series eleven treated us to a surprisingly tender performance from Lee Mack in "Kerblam!" We got a decent turn by Mark Addy, working with not a lot to go off as the underwritten Paltraki. But without a doubt, the best performance came in the form of Alan Cumming's King James. Not only was he as hilarious as he was loathsome, but he also elevated what could have been a more straightforward performance, by finding that sweet spot of camp and contemptible.

That being said, with actors like Stephen Fry, Lenny Henry, and classic Doctor Who alum Robert Glenister joining the show, I'm hopeful we'll get at least one memorable performance out of the lot. I've not followed many of the ins and outs of the storylines, so I have no idea who anyone is playing other than Goran Višnjić as Nikola Tesla. That being said, the addition of Tesla to the series seems an obvious fit. He was an eccentric man who was a bit weird about his pet bird. I expect his story to be one of the stranger ones we'll enjoy this year, or at least, it had better be.

The BBC's involvement

I'm hoping that in this last year, the BBC weren't just reevaluating Chris Chibnall's direction for the show, but their own involvement as well. They got rid of Bake Off and Formula One, Top Gear's audience followed Clarkson over to Amazon. All that's left are partisan news coverage, QI, Countryfile, and Doctor Who. Oh and I guess "His Dark Materials," but I don't know anyone who's talking about that show. As I said earlier, it's been a year of nothing from Doctor Who as a series. Other than comics and a less than perfect VR game, we've gotten nothing from the Thirteenth Doctor and the fam. Not even a novel or webisode to tide us over. How hard would it have been, while filming series twelve, to shoot a quick little skit on the TARDIS set? The Moffat era did this a lot, and it was always nice to see a little bit of Doctor Who while waiting for more episodes.

As the last vestige of the BBC's once-great television empire, you would think they might start to give a shit about Doctor Who. I know it's a crazy concept, but perhaps shelving one of your best shows for a year wasn't the best option. It would be nice to see them put more money and effort into the show. It would be a welcome sight to see them also put more money into the budget for things like merchandise or extended universe media. We've got three books for the current Doctor and that was last year. David Tennant had over thirty novels, while Matt Smith's Doctor appeared in over 15, and Capaldi only appeared in nine. Do you remember the last time we got a Character Options figure that wasn't a repaint of another figure? The most recent one we got was Harry Sullivan, and I'm pretty sure the only new element to that figure was his head. I've seen previews of the new companion figurines, and they're great, but I want more.

Perhaps I sound a bit spoiled. Many shows never expand beyond their allotted episodes, but this is Doctor Who, a show with a broader reach than your telly. It seemed last year that they were finally giving the show its dues. There were billboards of Jodie's face everywhere. The hype was palpable. Now, it's just four days from series twelve, and I've not even seen a bus ad for the new show. A woman I see out on dog walks was surprised when I told her the show was returning on the first of January. She had no idea. This is the Doctor Who audience that they're failing, not people like me who count the days like an advent calendar. The BBC needs to decide once in for all if they're going to give Doctor Who the respect it deserves, or sell it someone who will.

And that's it for now, friends. I hope you're all just as excited as I am to be back in the blue box. If all goes as planned, I should have a new review up the day after each episode. I'm optimistic that I'll have some great things to say!

#doctor who #series 12 #Jodie Whittaker #Thirteenth Doctor #chris chibnall #dalek #cybermen #yazmin khan #Ryan Sinclair #Graham O'Brien #mandip gill #tosin cole #Bradley Walsh #bbc #stephen fry #racnoss #judoon

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thesoftdumbass · 7 years ago

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Yallneedtrek’s Writing Anniversary Challenge

Hi you guys! So, I’ve been wanting to host a writing challenge for a while, and now seems like a good time to do so. November 30th marks the 2 year anniversary of when I started posting my fanfiction, starting out with a whopping 649 words on this Charles Xavier fic. Things have changed since then, I’ve written a lot more and joined a few fandoms since then, made some friends, and all in all enjoyed my time here on tumblr.

So if anybody would like to join my writing challenge, here are some things to remember while entering/posting:

~To enter the writing challenge, you must send me an ASK with a character or ship, and AU, AND a prompt from the lists below. (If you send anonymously or have multiple blogs, make sure that I know which blog you will be posting on)

~All entries are due by November 30th, 2018. There is no cut-off date to enter the challenge, as long as you think you can finish, you can enter whenever. (I will post occasional reminders and tag everybody who signed up!)

~Characters/ships can be used multiple times, as can AUs, but prompts can only be used once.

~If there’s a character/ship not on the list but that belongs in my fandoms, you can message me if you’d like to write for them and get my okay!

~You can use any writing genre: fluff, smut, angst, whatever. I would prefer angst-y fics to end happily, though!

~Important! When posting, please include Warnings, Word Count, and a Summary. Also, add a “Read More” if your fic is over 400 words so we don’t clog up everybody’s dash!

~When posting your fic, tag my blog and use the tag #yallneedtrekwritingchallenge, and send the post to me directly to make sure that I’ve seen it. I will reblog all of the fics and add them all to a masterlist to be shared when all entries are posted!

Have fun writing, lovelies!

Characters and Ships - Choose one:

Star Trek-

Jim Kirk

McKirk

Montgomery “Scotty” Scott

Spock

Pavel Chekov

Wonder Woman-

Steve Trevor

WonderTrev

Avengers-

Steve Rogers

Stucky

Bucky Barnes

Sam Wilson

Loki Odinson

Thor Odinson

Urban boys-

Leonard “Bones” McCoy

Gavin Magary

Siberius Vaako

Black Hat

Eomer

John Kennex

Any Karl Urban character, really

Other-

Dean Winchester

Sam Winchester

Lance Tucker

Carter Baizen

Wynonna Earp

Doc Holliday

AU’s - Choose one:

Soulmate

Firefighter

Royal

Fake dating / fake married

Supernatural (any supernatural creature/phenomenon)

Neighbors

University / Fellow Professors

Artist

Flower Shop

Vikings

Called / texted the wrong number

Body Swap

Bartender

Motorcycle Club

Roadtrip

Book Shop / Library

Office

Coffee Shop

Arranged Marriage

Roommate

Writing Prompts - Choose one:

1. “But I’m not wearing pants”

2. “Why were you in a dumpster?”

3. “Just give me the ____ and nobody gets hurt”

4. “Lick me all you want, I’m not moving my hand”

5. “I did not kidnap you! I anything, I adult-snatched you.”

6. “Didn’t you ever stop and think that there’s a reason I’m here?”

7. “Next time you come in my room to scare me, try picking a better hiding spot than behind the curtains.”

8. “What do you suggest we do?”

9. “Are you okay? I’ve never seen you turn down food.”

10. “Are those my underwear?”

11. “Will you just stop talking?” “Make me.”

12. “Did you just make a joke?”

13. “And you say I’m the dramatic one”

14. “Don’t get your hopes up”

15. “Subtlety is not your strong suit”

16. “My mind does not immediately jump to murder. Oh who am I kidding, of course it does!”

17. “Do you smell something burning?”

18. “No you are not Batman, stop saying that!”

19. “If you don’t stop talking in song quotes, I swear I will end you”

20. “Who ever said that I hate you?”

21. “Who thought it was a good idea to give (him/her/them) coffee?”

22. “What is that incessant beeping?”

23. “Here, take my jacket”

24. “Say hello to your cat for me”

25. “Who are you talking to?”

26. “Stay, please”

27. “Are you dead?” “Yes.”

28. “Next time you need help, don’t come to me”

29. “Can anybody tell me why my house is on fire?!”

30. “Are you crying?” “No! Shut up.”

31. “Stop screaming, it’s just me.”

32. “Jealous is not a good look on you”

33. “Is my leg supposed to bend that way?”

34. “I would rather be stuck on a deserted island with literally anybody but you”

35. “If you get ‘Let it Go’ stuck in my head one more time, I will never speak to you again.”

36. “I am too tired to deal with your happy disposition today”

37. “That line was so cheesy, it hurts.”

38. “Can you not be sarcastic just for once?”

39. “I told you this was a bad idea”

40. “Do not throw up on me”

41. “I’m just gonna keep talking until you smile”

42. “If you’re trying to seduce me, I would reconsider.”

43. “Can I kiss you?”

44. “I must be going crazy”

45. “Do I spy a tattoo?”

46. “Am I turning into a vampire?”

47. “No, you cannot borrow my laptop! You remember what happened the last time.”

48. “Just hug me before I put someone’s head through a wall.”

49. “If you can’t tell, I am very angry.”

50. “Are those little unicorns on your boxers?”

51. “You dropped something”

52. “You must be new here”

53. “Can we watch movies and cuddle?”

54. “I love you, I hope you know that.”

55. “I need you to stop laughing and come help me”

56. “Next time, I pick the music.”

57. “Can I kill (them)?”

58. “If you can go one hour without talking, I will kiss you”

59. “Stop saying that”

60. “You’re ridiculous”

61. “I’d hate to ruin such a sweet moment, but we have to go.”

62. “Oh, I almost forgot you were here”

63. “Is it true what they say?”

64. “Is that what I think it is?”

65. “You’ve got no sense of self-preservation”

66. “You’re worrying me”

67. “Get away from me”

68. “Don’t say that”

69. “Sometimes I wish I never met you”

70. “Can you stop poking me?”

71. “Don’t tell me to calm down, you’re covered in blood!”

72. “Will you tell me a story?”

73. “There might be a small…large…dent in your car, but please don’t kill me, I can explain!”

74. “I just want to drink chocolate milk and take a nap.” “You are a grown adult.”

75. “Are you drunk?”

76. “It looks like there was a train wreck in here”

77. “You lost the bet, you know what that means”

78. “I shouldn’t be here.” “Then why are you?”

79. “I’m not going with you dressed like that”

80. “Who else is going to save you from yourself?”

81. “What kind of name is that?”

82. “That is a lot of- what even is that?”

83. “That doesn’t look like fun, it looks like a death trap”

84. “So this is what betrayal looks like”

85. “Who started the food fight?”

86. “What, my poetry isn’t good enough for you?” “You just recited Dr. Seuss.”

87. “I’ve been shot!” “Relax, it’s just a nerf bullet.”

88. “You’re trying too hard, you need to just relax.”

89. “You look like the poster-child for bad decisions”

90. “Could you be any more oblivious?”

91. “Shut your whore mouth”

92. “Say that to my face, you soggy piece of pizza”

93. “You are such a moldy shower curtain”

I really hope you guys have fun writing, and I’m looking forward to reading all of your amazing fics! If you have any questions, feel free to message me or send an ask. Love you all!

I’m adding everyone on my tag list and Urban Shitposting group just in case you want to join or signal boost!

@deanxfuckingadorablexwinchester @mad-girl-without-a-box @cd1242 @space-helen @izzy10718 @feelmyroarrrr @bookcaseninja @musikat18 @kickingitwithkirk @auduna-druitt @garnet-redtailedhero @bubblegum-star-trek @reading-in-moonlight @cuddlememerrick @loststarlight @fireboltrose7559 @lauuerodz @bkwrm523 @fearofdeathkeepsusalive @goingknowherewastaken @annathewitch @outside-the-government @queenmismatched @thefanficfaerie

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digitalhallucination · 7 years ago

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Ok so I am going to talk about some theories on the fnaf 3 year pictures. I am likely going to bore even fnaf fans cause I think they are more relevant to the books then they are to the games. So I am going to put all this under a cut. Warning! This is old and fulla bull but cant bring myself to delete or update it so HERE!

So to start the theory and spoiler game off strong I am 70% sure Charlie is a robot. There are a few clues to that in the first book, like people telling her she is physically cold all the time, being told by her aunt to never go to the hospital unless its severe, a few other little things here and there. BUT! I did not think of this till I read The Twisted Ones as well as the new updates. How did I jump to that? Here I go into the conspiracy theory corner with Kat! To jump back a bit to Sister Location. I want to bring up this little device!

The ah yes the “power module” I want to focus not on the big black circle but the small grey spot with the red light. In the book these little things are created by Afton Electronics, aka the company started by William Afton the child murderer. This little device is used to make them look different than they look when its turned off.(through some science stuff I dont understand and I an pretty sure that does not work that way) Basically, the little device there makes a very high pitch sound that fills in signals that your eyes miss, like reading a sentence with missing or added pieces that are not actually there. They are the reason the Twisted animatronics are that, twisted.

The book says they are made of smooth plastic that is largely featureless with pieces that come apart and are about 8 foot tall. Also, with specifically twisted freddy and fun freddy in the books (they are a different universe from the games after all) are the same character. In fact Charlie herself is said to be scooped up into freddy and put into a chamber just barely big enough for her to fit inside without setting off springlocks. Like the child in the blueprints for funtime freddy.

But wait! You might be wondering still how they can look so different. In the games we are first introduced to them via posters! So we the technician know what they look like even if before that day you have never seen them. That is what you think you should see when the devices are active. In the books everyone is introduced to them as machines that kill people by putting them inside them and springlocking them. Its no wonder that they would think they would look like horrible monsters. The devices are not turned off when removed from Fun Freddy here it is still attached to the power module, not to mention that the switch is said to be in a ridge small enough to fit a fingernail. So that is why the illusion is still there, and I also believe these to be the “something bad inside” that baby wants to be rid of. I will be discussing the ending of the book and the new pictures as well. So if you have not read the book I really recommend stopping here. Like the end end, last chapter of the book stuff, the AHH SCOTTness of it all So if you have not read the books and plan to stop here. . Now for the interesting parts to come into play and I dive headfirst into theory mess. My first clue to it being a book related spoilers came from the springtrap picture. What a happy little picture of the rotting bunny the fandom loves.

What I want to point out is the bottom left corner. The grey hand. Its Springtraps hands but looks like he has claws.

Those are not claws. They are the endoskeleton left behind after the animatronics drag him away, clawing the floor for any grip he can get to maybe stop his inevitable demise at the hands of the children/animatronics. We are told that there are scrape marks in the wood that lead to where he was stuffed to rot, a small storage space under pirates cove. Yeah scratch marks are not made with the padding seen on game springtraps hands. To me this screams Davetrap hands worn down to nothing but the endoskeleton.

#now to ramble about fnaf #five nights at freddy's #fnaf

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sujus-girl · 7 years ago

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Disclaimer: This is just for fun, so please don’t take it too seriously. This is not an official profile or anything like that!

A GUIDE TO PENTAGON

I actually had a lot of fun making my guide to JBJ, so I was like?? What other group do I love that doesn’t get the attention they deserve? …. PENTAGON

Are y’all ready to cringe? To sigh? To question what is going on with these children? Then, without further ado, I present to you: Pentagon: My Shitty Guide to 10 Toddlers

Group Name: Pentagon

First appeared on a show called Pentagon Maker, which was called a survival show, but SPOILER ALERT: Cube decided to do the right thing and debuted all 10 members together

If I’m going to be 100% honest, I still dk where to find the full episodes, but there are a ton of clips on youtube, and, honestly, I was satisfied with just watching those

ALL OF THEM HAVE REALLY GOOD VISUALS? LIKE, I SAY THIS WITH EVERY GROUP, BUT SERIOUSLY, PENTAGON HAS SOME A+++ VISUALS

Beware because they’re very. Very. very. Loud

The fandom name is universe and i just think that’s so cute OKAY?

Ofiicial Music Videos: Gorilla, Can You Feel It, Critical Beauty, Pretty Pretty, Run Away, Like This, Violet

Personal Favorite Non-Title Tracks: Thank You, Beautiful, You Are, Spectacular, and Lose yourself

Aight, we have ten members to go through this time, so BUCKLE UP, MY FRIENDS

Members:

Jo Jinho

The oldest member of pentagon

Vvv smol baby. Is only 5’6”

Is scared very easily lmfao

May be smol but has A HELLA SET OF LUNGS

High note king that leaves almost everyone shook

Used to be in SM the Ballad, but left and became a trainee again under cube entertainment

Had trained for EIGHT FRICKIN YEARS, DO NOT SLEEP ON MY BOI

I guess he gave vocal lessons to cube trainees like Yoo Seonho (someone pls KINDLY let me know if i’m wrong)

Drops a bunch of covers and spoils Universe with his voice, thx boo

Usually gets paired with hongseok for stuff?? Idk

Has a room by himself in the dorms, lucky boi

ALSO A MUSICAL THEATER ACTOR?? ALL SHOOK UP REALLY HAD US ALL SHOOK UP

Videos to Watch: (1) (2) (3)

Lee HwiTaek (Hui)

The leader of this mess

Got pretty popular after the song Never was released, then continue to leave people quaking after Energetic was released

Is an A+ Singer and Producer, we love a talented man

Is vvvv scared of everything and also has a lot of tears (we love a man in touch with his emotions)

A former JYP trainee

Got7’s JB said that one time, Got7’s Mark got into a fight with him, Hui, and B.A.P.’s Youngjae and Day6’s Brian had to translate the argument LOL

Also in a subunit called Triple H that consists of him, E’Dawn and Hyuna

Also has a room to himself

HONEY SOCKS

Has a fanboy named Yoo Seonho that loves him vvv much, and they even went to vietnam together

also appeared on this variety show called hyena’s on the keys and flaunted his composing SKILZ

Videos to Watch: (1) (2) (3)

Yang Hongseok

A former YG trainee

Was on the show that created iKon, and it was…. Oof

He was new at the time, so it was kinda awkward and tense, but it got better

Is obsessed with working out, and has the abs of a greek god as a result

Reads books in his free time, and enjoys studying foreign languages

He moved around when he was younger, so he can speak Mandarin and English (we love an intelligent man)

Apparently the mom?? Cooks and cleans for the babies in the dorm

Shares a room with E’Dawn

Also really likes Iron Man… and Jinho

The members say he’s the worst at dancing in the group LOL

It’s okay though, cause he’s vvv talented in other aspects

Videos to Watch: (1) (2) (3)

Kim HyoJung (E’Dawn)

“I have no fear” not even two seconds later *HIGH PITCH SCREAMING*

Can reach an octave i didn’t think human possible

A little weird, but that’s okay!

Is also in Triple H with Hui and Hyuna

Hongseok’s roommate

Is really good at dancing, wow

Kinda looks tired 24/7, but we’re pretty sure that’s just his face. Like you know how some people have resting bitch face? E’Dawn has resting tired face.

TATTOOS!

Sry, i just really like tattoos, lol

But yeah! E’Dawn has multiple tattoos! Since it’s like 1 in the morning and I’m kinda tired, I’m not gonna try and think of all of them, but they should all show up if you just google e’dawn tattoos lol sorry

Videos to Watch: (1) (2) (3)

Go Shinwon

Has trouble keeping his clothes on apparently

Like for real, just casually pulled his pants down and took his shirt off multiple times in pentagon maker

Is scared of animals because one time because… um…. let’s just say that there was an unfortunate incident with his pet hamster when he was in like middle school... yeah

Was eliminated during Pentagon maker, but four remaining members broke into cube late at night and put up posters saying they wanted pentagon to debut as ten

Gets mad real easily

Has broad shoulders… Like real broad. Edawn and yanan fell asleep on his shoulders and they were comfortable

Shares a room with Kino

Also really likes Mcdonalds?? Like, this boy put on a burger hat and ate a mcdonalds burger.

Really hates bugs LOL

Videos to Watch: (1) (2) (3)

Yeo Changgu (Yeo One)

Has a visual that a lot of foreigners seem to really like? That’s just something I noticed, I know it’s not the general consensus

Is also an actor, he appeared in a webdrama called Spark and was the main actor for a historical drama not too long ago

Shares a room with yanan

Is yanan’s biggest fan

Has a laugh that can revive wilting flowers tbh

Talks a lot too

Sucks at table tennis

He and hui put ducktape on their legs and ripped it off

GIVE HIM MORE LINES PLS

Videos to Watch: (1) (2) (3)

Yan An

“MADE IN CHINA!”

“Annyeong chingudel”

He’s from Shanghai

Hella model vibes, amirite or amirite

He injured himself when preparing for the Ceremony album, and he had to sit out and everyone was vvv sad and vvv worried

Got better and is back, and more random than ever

Sometimes says things that are real funny, even if he doesn’t intend for it to be

“What are you talking about, this is plastic”

“You… You’re in big trouble!”

“Korean name is Yanan. Chinese name is Yanan. English Name? Yanan.”

Also once called Jinho a foreigner, even tho Jinho is Korean and they were in Korea?

May be tol and handsome, but he’s really just a big toddler

Scared of roller coasters

Roommates with yeo one who loves him v much (yeo one has the right idea, y’all)

Videos to Watch: (1) (2) (3)

Adachi Yuto

“YUTODA”

A japanese prince

AN ATHLETE! Played baseball and used to do soccer

A former JYP trainee

Good friends with Yuto (U) from ONF because they both used to be JYP trainees and also NCT’s Yuta

Shares a room with Wooseok and will laugh at anything he says

Milk couple

Can’t eat spicy food for shit

Hella tall

Also appeared predebut at ISAC 2015 for futsall

A bby that is afraid of many things. Especially the dark. On pentagon maker, the crew turned off the lights and he real cutely went “pd-nim~” and i almost cried it was so cute

“What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?” “Ice cream.”

Says he can’t do aegyo, but he hella cute already, so it’s okay

Also once danced shirtless and i almost sued, you a child Boi (i say as I am younger than him)

Videos to Watch: (1) (2) (3)

Kang Hyunggu (Kino)

A whole cutie

I legit that he was my age or younger cause he was just so adorable

Only 4 days younger than yuto and 4 days older than wooseok, but he a whole baby

They did a vlive for wooseok, yuto, and kino’s birthdays and when they were getting into teams, hongseok was chosen to be in kino’s team but he said it so emotionlessly that kino got all pouty LOL

A dancing king

“I was going to go easy on you, but you called me Hyunggu”

Has a lot of friends in k-pop, he vvv popular

Shares a room with shinwon

A laugh that motivates me to be a better person

Saved the entire world by eating watermelon in front of cameras BLESS

“Get it Kino Beauty”

Proceeded to destroy yanan’s face with makeup RIP

Makes funny faces that i sometimes screenshot and send to my friends at 2 in the morning

ALSOALSOALSO, he had this little dance solo in Critical Beauty and I was LIVING for it

Videos to Watch: (1) (2) (3)

Jung Wooseok

The baby of the group

HELLA TOL??? LIKE WTF, IF YOU LOOK AT PHOTOS OF JINHO AND WOOSEOK STANDING NEXT TO EACH OTHER HE LOOKS LIKE A FREAKING GIRAFFE

He was sleeping backstage once and yuto put a chocopie in front of his mouth and he sleepily tried to eat it and i was :((((( he was so cute

Really likes yuto, they’re usually paired together for stuff. Like dorms

Really likes anime, legend has it that if you play samurai heart at exactly 1:23 AM, wooseok will appear behind you and sing along

Imitates an opera singer and achieves an octave that i would imagine isn’t humanly possible for someone with a voice as deep as his

Has a fanboy names Lai Guanlin from wanna one, and he will not let anyone forget about his precious Wooseok

Once did an eating broadcast with super spicy food and accidentally got some in his eye and the rest of pentagon thought it was the funniest thing ever RIP

Videos to Watch: (1) (2) (3)

That was a journey! We’re almost done, though!

Videos Of Pentagon to Watch! Weekly Idol with Victon and Momoland! (X) This crack (?) series that I live for (X) The VLive that was all sorts of mess (X) Triple H Weekly Idol (only Hui and E’Dawn) (X) This clip from Pentagon Maker that was all sorts of mess, even with only 4 members (X) Hui, Wooseok, and E’Dawn trying to cook (X) This other VLive that was all sorts of mess (X) Pentagon Heyo TV (Mafia Game Cut) (X)

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT! A VERY SHORT, SHITTY GUIDE TO PENTAGON! I hope this helps anyone wanting to get into Pentagon, or even just makes an Universe smile! Now go and bask in the glory that is Pentagon’s craziness! Bye!

#pentagon #jo jinho #lee hwitaek #hui #kim hyojung #e'dawn #yang hongseok #yeo changgu #yeo one #yanan #adachi yuto #kino #kang hyunggu #jung wooseok #triple h #cube #mine

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christlovez · 7 years ago

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A Study in Skulls, Sonnets, and Chess

Ello! I am only a beginner at theorizing for Sherlock and I’ve yet to read the books (gotta read asap) but found great fun in brainstorming. Hopefully this isn’t all a repeat of what the fandom’s been saying for months now!

(This post will later on revolve a bit around the Extended Mind Palace theory and/or meditative trance theory)

Quick briefing for sonnets before i get into it: There are some fans who noticed that John’s counting on of 57 texts in The Scandal in Belgravia was a reference to William Shakespeare’s Sonnet 57.

Being your slave, what should I do but tend Upon the hours and times of your desire? I have no precious time at all to spend, Nor services to do, till you require. Nor dare I chide the world-without-end hour Whilst I, my sovereign, watch the clock for you, Nor think the bitterness of absence sour When you have bid your servant once adieu; Nor dare I question with my jealous thought Where you may be, or your affairs suppose, But, like a sad slave, stay and think of nought Save, where you are how happy you make those. So true a fool is love that in your will, Though you do any thing, he thinks no ill.

Modernized verison: “Since I’m your slave, what else should I do but wait on the hours, and for the times when you’ll want me? I don’t have any valuable time to spend, or any services to do, until you need me. Nor do I dare complain about how agonizingly long the hours are while I watch the clock for you, my king, or how bitter your absence is after you’ve said goodbye to your servant. Nor do I dare ask jealous questions about where you might be, or speculate about your affairs, but like a sad slave I sit still and think about nothing except how happy you’re making whomever you’re with. Love makes a person such a faithful fool that no matter what you do to satisfy your desires, he doesn’t think you’ve done anything wrong.”

Sonnet 58:

That god forbid, that made me first your slave, I should in thought control your times of pleasure, Or at your hand th' account of hours to crave, Being your vassal bound to stay your leisure. O let me suffer, being at your beck, Th' imprisoned absence of your liberty; And patience tame to sufferance bide each check, Without accusing you of injury. Be where you list, your charter is so strong That you yourself may privilege your time To what you will; to you it doth belong Yourself to pardon of self-doing crime. I am to wait, though waiting so be hell, Not blame your pleasure, be it ill or well.

“Sonnet 57 is one of 154 sonnets written by the English playwright and poet William Shakespeare. It is a member of the Fair Youth sequence, in which the poet expresses his love towards a young man. Sonnet 57 is connected with Sonnet 58 which pursues the theme of the poet as a slave of the beloved.” - Wikipedia

Modernized version: ”Whatever god decided to make me your slave, may he never allow me to so much as think about having any control over when you see me, or asking you to account for how you’ve been passing the hours. I’m your slave, after all, and forced to wait until you have time for me. Oh, while I wait for your summons, let me suffer patiently the prison of this lengthy absence from you as you do whatever you want. And let me control my impatience and quietly endure each disappointment without accusing you of hurting me. Go wherever you want—you’re so privileged that you may decide to do whatever you like. You have the right to pardon yourself for any crime you commit. And I have to wait, even if it feels like hell, and not blame you for following your desire, whether it’s for good or bad.“

Sonnet 59:

Mary is said to have called/messaged John 59 times in The Six Thatchers because she’s going into labor.

John says this number, ‘59.‘

If there be nothing new, but that which is Hath been before, how are our brains beguil'd, Which, labouring for invention, bear amiss The second burthen of a former child! O, that record could with a backward look, Even of five hundred courses of the sun, Show me your image in some antique book, Since mind at first in character was done! That I might see what the old world could say To this composed wonder of your frame; Whether we are mended, or whe'r better they, Or whether revolution be the same. O! sure I am, the wits of former days To subjects worse have given admiring praise.

Modernized version: “If it’s true that there’s nothing new and everything that now exists existed in the past, then we are really fooling ourselves when we struggle to write something new, winding up, after much exhausting, painful labor, with a tired imitation of an imitation! If only I could look back into the records, even as far as five hundred years ago, and find a description of you in some old book, written when people were just beginning to put their thoughts in writing, so I could see what the old world would say about your amazingly beautiful body. Then I could see whether we’ve gotten better at writing or worse, or whether things have stayed the same as the world revolves. Oh, I’m sure the witty writers of the past have devoted praise and admiration to worse subjects than you.“

Sherlock in The Six Thatchers, explains to Mary that he knows 58 possible ways of diminishing variables and calculating the steps she would take. (despite the fact that he did not use this tactic to find her location after she fled to lure Ajay away. Tracer device n’ all) This mention of 58 comes after the mention of 59, which is also mentioned in The Six Thatchers episode.

Sonnet 59 is also connected to a picture seen in The Abominable Bride. The skull painting of the modern Sherlock world is blue with a rather simple plain background. In Sherlock’s mind palace, the painting is red and is a Victorian painting called All is Vanity. All is Vanity in real life is typically a more neutral brown than the reddish brown we see, and sometimes white. (The fabulous @cyntrix-gm helped me find this painting’s name)

Both the painting, and sonnet 59 refer to verses in the bible from the same book of Ecclesiastes.

(Sonnet 59) If there be nothing new: Ecclesiastes 1.9: "The thing that hath been is that which shall be; and that which hath been done is that which shall be done; and there is no new thing under the sun."

In Scandal in Belgravia, Sherlock says, “The wheel turns, nothing is ever new.“ and Mycroft in The Sign of Three in Sherlock’s mind palace reminds, “What do we say about coincidence?” Sherlock responds “The universe is rarely so lazy.”

All is Vanity: Ecclesiastes 1:2 “Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity.“

John’s Chinese fortune cookie says “There is nothing new under the sun. It has all been done before.” (credited post by @teaandforeshadowing)

This post by @lillabaloo displays a screenshot in which thewatsonbeekeepers explains that William Sherlock Scott Holmes’s real initials (WH) are connected in parallel to whom sonnets are addressed to.

His Last Vow had a deleted scene featuring Magnussen and a hospitalized Sherlock where a vase with a dark, withering rose and letter stood.

(@cyntrix-gm found the rose symbolism) The symbolism of the withering rose:

“The dark crimson rose has a meaning that has two sides. On one side it’s about sadness and mourning and death. On another, it has a more joyous meaning - rebirth and love. When someone you care about passes away, the dark crimson rose can express your feelings of mourning and sadness.” - website of Auntyflo on rose symbolism.

Magnussen - “The struggling carnations are from Scotland Yard. The single rose is from.. ‘W’.. And the black wreaths? C-block Pentonville (prison). I’m not sure the intent was entirely kindly.”

(Fun fact: White carnations = pure love, good luck. Black wreaths = death. Many more shades of carnations appear in the scene, though white is the most common, next to pink. The pink carnation was said to have appeared because of the Virgin Mary’s tears, a symbol of a mother’s undying love- it’s no wonder it’s a Mother’s Day flower meant to say “I will never forget you“. It also is a flower of support. [Info from: Teleflora ... and Google])

Flip the letter upside down and increase contrast levels:

Invert the colors:

A chess piece with a skull on it and something that can be described as a lock(?) above it. The letter W has turned into a perfect blue M.

(Blue and red in the series has been used as a way to imply inverse or alterations, especially when it comes to Sherlock’s poster, and sometimes locations within his mind palace. Curtains within John’s home [or therapist’s office?..that office changes a lot too, to be honest,] in season 4 turn red, when before they had been blue.)

Mary in the Abominable Bride opens a letter from Mycroft saying, “Immediately.” It’s from Mycroft because later, as she sneaks with Sherlock and John to catch the Emelia Ricoletti culprits, she admits that she works with Mycroft and that he summoned her.

A rose and letter from Mycroft after Sherlock is stabbed by Rosamund/Mary? Interesting.

In the modern letter it’s hard to tell whether the chess piece is a standard queen or bishop piece.

This brings us back to the controversy surrounding season 4 promotional pictures, which apparently were copyrighted and declared as ‘leaks’, because they reveal important spoiler information.

It’s not quite known what the spoiler is, but the implication is enough for mystery.

In this picture, we see two bishops upended along with pawns, flying towards the camera.

“The bishop’s predecessor in medieval chess, shatranj (originally chaturanga), was the alfil, meaning “elephant”, which could leap two squares along any diagonal, and could jump over an intervening piece.” - Wikipedia

We can now say that the letter’s chess piece is most likely a bishop, as it very well references to a reoccurring symbol: The elephant [in the room].

Symbolically or literally an elephant has been hidden in rooms, for example on Mrs. Hudson as a necklace, in the back of the 221B room, and within John’s blog and Sherlock’s best man speech using The Elephant in the Room as a good tale. The symbol can refer to an obvious issue that John and Sherlock choose to ignore, perhaps their feelings towards each other (if you’re a johnlocker).

If you want to further analyze, the remaining pieces standing on the board is two opposing knights, with Mycroft’s king and his two pawns.

Knights: “Colloquially it is sometimes referred to as a "horse", which is also the translation of the piece's name in several languages. Some languages refer to it as the "jumper", reflecting the knight's ability to move over pieces in its way.“ - Wikipedia

John may be the “jumper”, as Sherlock does refer to John’s jumpers an episode before, in The Sign of Three, when trying to deduce who is the next target of the Mayfly man. If the chess pieces are symbols of people, who if not John would be the knight? John’s presence in this picture raises slight question.

With all this comes the question of: who is Mycroft’s knight? And why do John and Mycroft’s knight oppose one another?

Most of Sherlock’s chess pieces are strewn on the table in front of Mycroft, and Mycroft’s pieces across Sherlock’s side of the table.

Sherlock is either unable to beat his own brother (so close to checkmate), or he’s passing the game onto us in this picture.

Mycroft throughout the series has subtexted queen status.

John at Buckingham Palace, “Are we here to meet the Queen?”

Sherlock - “Apparently”

A painting of the young Queen Elizabeth II, “Queen Regent” by Pietro Annigoni in 1954, hangs behind Mycroft in his office. It’s the only wall decorative in this Sherrinfordian office.

Moriarty’s stealing of the crown jewels could be a reference to gaining control over Mycroft, perhaps through blackmail. We know they communicated inside and outside of Sherlock’s mind palace, at least.

Irene - “Jim Moriarty sends his love.”

Mycroft - “Yes, he’s been in touch. Seems desperate for my attention, which I’m sure can be arranged.”

“And honey, you should see me in a crown.” - Moriarty.

This symbolizes a lot that I’m unsure of. He breaks down a glass wall after writing “Get Sherlock” on it, which I suppose means his barriers keeping him back are no longer there, and he can now become queen. We still don’t know what Irene told him in the beginning of A Scandal in Belgravia, and what could have possibly kept him from killing John and Sherlock at the pool (unless someone does know, please hit me up!)

In the end, Mycroft holds the power of the British government. There’s no explanation for how, besides that Magnussen also held a lot of power and it was through blackmail.

But regardless, Mycroft is most likely queen on the chess board.

Back to the letter W/M in Sherlock’s hospital room, the W/M stands for someone/something.

It’s easier to assume it’s an M, with the chess piece insignia as reference for which way to read the seal. If it is M, and the one Sherlock plays chess/games against is Mycroft and Moriarty, especially as Moriarty in S4 is shown to have worked with him, and oddly has also had a connection with Mary Morstan before John and her ever met.. it can be safe to assume M stands for Mycroft.

Another idea of who it is could be Mary. She did visit Sherlock in the hospital, possibly as one of the first visitors. A rose very well mirrors her true name, Rosamund, as does the wallpaper behind Sherlock when she shot him.

Though this is an overly prepared and symbolic way of giving a ‘ get well’ or ‘don’t tell john’ letter. (If you believe the Extended Mind Palace theory starting from the reversed heart monitor in HLV, this can also mean M is still working behind the scenes while Sherlock is incapacitated)

S4′s connection of all the people who ever pulled the strings of Sherlock’s heart and gave him trouble, find their place and connection to Sherrinford or through Mycroft, the one supposed to be in control of Sherrinford.

Or it may not be so complicated. It may simply be Moriarty’s last goodbye, but if so, who placed the letter and rose there?

Rewind to the skulls.

So many skulls.

Sherlock’s skull poster seems to always remain blue before The Abominable Bride (Correct me if I’m wrong please):

Alas, poor Victor.

Odd glass-ish ball on Mycroft’s desk possibly resembles a skull at certain angles.

Perfectly normal, unusually well-lit poster here.

Stop laughing at me, Mr. Skull. You’ve gone purple, and I’ve never heard of a pirate having a purple flag.

Blue, the shade of TD-12, Mary’s death scene, and lies. Fascinatingly vague information.

Skull picture is blacked out in TLD, while Sherlock is with Culverton at the hospital. Which brings me to realize..

If Sherlock is unconscious, who’s manning the mind palace?

Is him being unconscious in the hospital bed a thing of consciousness awareness? He may still be in the hospital outside of mind palace, after all.

John is often wearing colors that match the Mind Palace skull paintings. John seemed to be subtextually connected with Sherlock’s skulls since the beginning of A Study in Pink where John says about the mantelpiece’s skull, “So I’m a replacement for your skull?” and Sherlock says, “Don’t worry, you’re doing fine.” Sherlock upon John’s first seeing the skull claims that it’s his ‘friend’ of a sort. In Sherlock’s mind palace, after HLV, John may be even more connected to the skulls.

The skull poster is also symmetrically aligned with John’s chair, just as the shifty orange lamp and smiley face is aligned with Sherlock’s chair. The room is rather deliberately a half-n-half of John and Sherlock, John’s side being more green, and Sherlock’s being more beige.

In narration, it always seems to matter who’s sitting on the right or left side of the flat. Clients must sit in the middle while John and Sherlock sit in their respected spots. Moriarty chooses to sit in John’s seat as an act of domination over their balance of things, which can lead us to assume that Sherlock offering his own chair is in an ode of respect towards John rather than Moriarty. Which leads me to believe the placement of the skull poster (and smiley face), is even more correlated with John’s place in the Mind Palace.

During Mary’s frankly unreal monologue at the end of The Final Problem, we see the skull picture again, purple/gray and appearing very dark, digital and coded. It’s a sign that things aren’t finish yet.

I may edit this bit later if I notice anything else.

Interesting post regarding the skull poster by @the-7-percent-solution

(to those tagged, please let me know if you want me to uncredit!)

(Gradually migrating Sherlock posts from this blog to @all-is-v-57)

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dirtycoolcatconfessions · 8 years ago

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COOL CAT DVD PACKAGE FULL ANALYSIS

As some of you may know, as a birthday present I have finally received the Cool Cat movie from a friend of mine. Seeing as I am the self-proclaimed front-runner of the ironic Cool Cat fandom, I feel it is my duty to provide you all with my full analysis of all that comes with this monstrosity, so strap in fellas, this is gonna be a long one.

Here's an image of the full package:

Alright, let's start off with the "Thank you for your purchase" type paper.

Right off the bat, let me say that every paper (bar the "poster", though that one is still preeeetty bad, though I'll analyze that when we get to it) is literally just standard-fare 8.5x11 printer paper. Now, let's start from the top. It says "Cool Cat Productions" as opposed to Derek Savage Productions, what he listed in the movie from what I can remember, so that's pretty strange. To the sides you can see two horrendous pictures of the cartoon form of Cool Cat, which both look like they were drawn in different art styles, with the one on the right for some reason reminding me of some kind of old 2D Chuck E. Cheese drawing, and the other on the right appears to be crying out in pain with weirdly-detailed clothes, a curly pig-like tail, and looking like a failed attempt at perspective. After that it lists the website, (nothing new here) and the email, which uses Yahoo, which I find fairly unsurprising.

Another thing I love which shows just how much love and care (sorry, "love" and "care") Derek puts into his products is the fact that it doesn't even specify what you ordered, (in addition, the fact that it lists "bookS", since Derek doesn't even have the Cool Cat books for sale, and the Cool Cat Stops Bullying book comes with every purchase of the DVD, and soundtrack, of which they don't sell at all, though I believe Derek stated something about wanting to sell it in the future) which really lets you know that Cool Cat Loves You in particular and cares who You are as a person. (The capitalization is really weird throughout the paper, especially when listing the various products you could have bought, really lending to the "Copy-paste" feel of the whole thing, and the Cool Cat Loves You part somehow evokes a ™ without one even being there.) Further down it asks you to print out free "Cool Cat Loves You" posters (instead of just saying Cool Cat posters, for whatever reason) which is strange for a vast number of reasons. First of all, the poster section of the website is NO LONGER ON THE WEBSITE, and second of all, using the Wayback Machine to go back to an instance when there was shows that the 11x17 "poster" is identical to the poster received in the movie package, which makes you wonder why you would want a second one.

(One fun thing to note about this image is the fact that promises that Cool Cat greeting and birthday cards are "Coming Soon!" which I feel really shows you just how much commitment Derek has towards his projects.)

Back to the original paper, we reach the bottom third of the page, we have Derek begging you to tell everyone you know about Cool Cat so that they know it's time to cut off all ties with you, followed by a call to follow the official twitter @CoolCatLovesYou, officially confirming that that twitter is indeed the real one, fucking weird and not-so as it may seem. Then there are a number of images of potential merchandise you can buy, mainly consisting of the horrendously drawn books that Derek isn't even selling because he's "still looking for a publisher." (Yeah, he couldn't get anyone to publish his books, what a fucking surprise, right? In addition, upon incredibly close inspection of these low-res images, I found that they don't even list the "Illustrated by" that's shown on the Cool Cat Stops Bullying book that came with the movie, since Derek wasn't actually the one who drew this shit. And it's not because it was only on the Cool Cat Stops Bullying book, since among the books on here IS that exact book, sans the "Illustrated by" like all others on the page. I just found that interesting.) Finally, reaching the very bottom of the FIRST ARTICLE OF LIKE 6 (told you it was gonna be a long one) we have a reminder to visit Cool Cat online for Game"s" (There's only one game on the Cool Cat page, "Cool Cat's Fun MatchGame") "Cartoons" (Neither of the two cartoons are accessible from the current page anymore) and More! (Which if by more you mean continuous self-advertising, shitty web design, and child-unfriendly content that can be easily clicked to from the page.)

Alright so, the next article, well, honestly I'm not sure what to call this one. It's got two sides, so let's start with the side I'll probably spend less time on.

Alright, so I guess this side is some kind of info paper? Still not sure what to refer to it as. If you notice at the top it lists the quote that's on the cover, "Cool Cat is Cooler than Barney the Dinosaur!" and I would like to bring to attention the fact that the quote is attributed to Ben Daka, the producer of Cool Cat Loves You, which helps in making the quote seem as incredibly unbiased as possible. (Also yeah, the fact that someone actually produced this steaming pile of dogshit surprises me likely just as much as it might you.) It proceeds to list the summary of the movie, saying what kinds of movies it is, etc. etc. etc. It also lists that it "Includes FOUR Original Cool Cat Songs" however as someone who has watched the movie before online when it was on Youtube for a brief day or two before getting taken down, I can say that there are only two that actually play in the movie proper, "Cool Cat Boogie" and "Cool Cat Loves To Rock", while one is only in the movie as an instrumental while the actual lyrics are only in the DVD menu from what I can remember ("Cool Cat is My Best Friend") and the other only plays during the credits, and is just the song from the now-defunct Cool Cat "cartoon" ("Cool Cat is Cool") however the one in the credits does have an instrumental track behind it, but I'm too lazy to find somewhere you can find that version at the moment.

Moving on, we have the "STARRING" portion of the page, in which it lists Vivica A. Fox and Erik Estrada despite their 2-3 minute appearances. In addition, if read from right to left, then it technically lists Vivica first, and even if you do read it from center outwards, the way it was likely intended, it still has Derek listed where you would most likely begin reading instead of Cool Cat, which I feel really shows off his vanity.

After that, we have the imperative ">Get Your COOL CAT Today<" which makes it sound like some kind of cat adoption poster or something. After that there's the blatant lie of "We Appreciate Your Business" followed by a statement saying that discounts for schools, libraries, and stores are available, which honestly makes me wonder if there are any places that even carry the movie that aren't online. Also it's kinda weird that they'd have that on one of the papers that comes with the movie. Does Derek expect people to be so blown away by their movie that they just have to bring this flyer to stores and shit so that others can feel the joy of the movie? I don't fucking know this entire analysis is just me talking to myself and probably pointing out shit you could have noticed yourself, but hey if that's not what the blog itself is I don't know what is. Anywho, another fun thing to note is the fact that according to the flyer, the runtime of the movie is 75 minutes, which actually makes it debatable as to whether or not it could actually be considered a film. Final thing to note of this side is that I was indeed correct in my previous assumption that the movie was supposedly made by "a Derek Savage Productions" as opposed to the "Cool Cat Productions" stated on the earlier paper, which is weird.

Anywho, next side of the paper, let's go.

Now this side, this side infuriates me to no end. It's pretty much one glorified advertisement for the movie you already purchased. To save on time, I think I'll probably speed through this one tbh since the last time I wrote this thing it took me like 4 hours and it mainly consisted of pointing out every little thing on the page, so I'll just give the main things. First of all, why the fuck would you advertise your own movie in the flyer that comes with the fucking movie??? In addition, why does it advertise the books? As I previously established, the books aren't for sale, since Derek's still looking for a publisher. After that, it states that there are Cool Cat eBooks, which I'm pretty sure there aren't any, and they wouldn't even need a publisher I don't think. Also, just to point out, Derek actually managed to misspell merchandise as "MERCHINDISE" at the very top.

The movie also claims to be a "DOVE AWARD" winner. After some research (I.E. one single google search) I found that the "Dove Award" is actually an award given to exceptional Christian music, so unless the soulful ballad of "COOL CAT IS COOOOOOL" won one of those, I find it highly doubtful that its correct. Next to it, you can see a logo with the words "FAMILY APPROVED" and "ALL AGES". This is the "award" Derek was actually talking about, which is really just an organization that makes sure that movies are family friendly, which sure is a real fucking accomplishment. Below that the flyer claims that it's **STARRING** Vivica A. Fox & Erik Estrada, who really nailed their 2 minute "starring" roles. After that there's some quotes, including one by the late Adam West, may he rest in peace, saying "Cool Cat is Cool!" despite the fact that on the Cool Cat site the quote from West actually says "Cool Cat is Fun!" which shows just how trustworthy this quote was, plus the fact that Derek most likely got the majority of celebrity quotes by walking up to them and asking them to say it. After that there's a quote of "I Love Cool Cat!" from Bo Derek, an actress starring in such great films as Tarzan the Ape Man, Bolero, and my personal favorite, Ghosts Can't Do It. (All of those films had incredibly negative reception btw, apparently all three of which won her three seperate Golden Raspberry Awards). Finally, below the advertisement for some hideous hats and shirts, there's the godawful pun of "Get Your Cool Cat Purr-chindise" which manages to misspell the latter half of merchandise again, though on the current website, it says "Purr-chandise" so Derek had to have fixed it sometime, but seeing as this flyer is advertising the hats which only just came out a month or two ago, this flyer was made recently, so I don't fucking know.

Moving on, we've got the Cool Cat Loves You Poster.

The first thing to note is that the poster feels like it was made on 11x17 printer paper, and all-in-all feels really low quality. In addition, it's fairly creased and banged up since Derek apparently doesn't know that you're supposed to roll up posters when shipping them. The main thing I want to note that stands out to me is the fucking background. When I first got it, I thought Derek, like, spilled coffee on it or something, but when I went to look at those posters online using the Wayback Machine, I found that it was completely intentional. I have no worldly idea why anyone would think that this would make a good background, since it gives off either an accidental coffee spill vibe or a 1984-esque dilapidated post-apocalyptic "Big Brother is Watching" sign from it.

That's about all I have to say for the poster, so let's move on to the keychain.

First of all, I'm debating whether or not to put this keychain anywhere since I would probably run a high risk of getting the shit kicked out of me. Anywho, there's not much to say here, it feels like a generic truck stop souvenir keychain, except the fact that Cool Cat is weirdly not centered is bothering me.

Here's the back side to the keychain.

Again, not much to say, other than the fact that I never want to see the question "Got Cool Cat?" ever again.

Now we have the book that came with the movie, Cool Cat Stops Bullying. Here's the front cover:

As you can see the art is fucking hilarious and it looks like Cool Cat is being held at gunpoint. And again, I'd like to point out that it wasn't even Derek who drew this, it was some guy named Robert Rainbow. Imagine paying someone to draw your book and getting this in return. Also, fun thing to note, Daddy Derek is actually a cat in this one (Yes, that is actually supposed to be Derek, since Cool Cat refers to him as Daddy Derek in the book) which poses the question of why the ever-loving FUCK isn't Derek a cat in the movie? (I'll tell you why, it's because Derek still thinks he's hot and wants to show off his "body" in the movie, plus the fact that he was likely way too cheap to have more than one costume made, though it could have easily been avoided by not having the parents, namely Derek, show up often, or in such complex scenes, etc etc. You get the drift, it's just lazy and self-aggrandizing).

Following that, there's the back of the cover.

Again, not much to analyze in detail, except for the fact that Derek would apparently charge $3.49 for this shitty thing, despite the fact that you can read it in around 2 minutes or under.

After that there's the side of the cover, which actually has some sad little tidbits of its own.

If you look closely enough, you can see that the book is fucking stapled together, which I find hilariously depressing. In addition, the publisher is sourced as "Blue Thunder Books" which from my extensive google searching towards the topic, doesn't seem to be a real publisher.

I would love to post every page of the book itself, but I feel like that might be grounds for some kind of copyright takedown from Derek, though I'll continue looking for some legal way for you guys to see each page, since each one has an illustration, and they're fucking hysterical. Here's a single image for you guys as a little teaser:

Anywho, onto what you all have been waiting for, the main attraction, the only thing that was purchased and all this other junk just came with for free: The movie. You all have probably seen the box a hundred times, so there's not much for me to analyze there, but here's the front:

One thing I'd like to point out that I haven't seen anyone else discuss is the fact that Derek and Maria, though most notably Maria, are incredibly low quality and poorly cropped in, to the point where you can't really even make out Maria's face since it's so blurry.

Here's the back:

And here's the side:

What's interesting to note here is the fact that on the top of the side there's two little icon image things, one of Cool Cat, and one of Vivica Fox, both of which are pretty low quality.

Anywho, enough stalling. Time to open this motherfucker up.

I'll be honest, when I first opened this thing up, the first thing I noticed was the smell, oddly enough. It's really hard for me to describe, though I will say it's a weirdly bitter, sour smell, maybe something like glue mixed with something else. I have no idea. Anywho, as it was previously pointed out by YMS, the image on the disc is literally a fucking sticker. Unlike YMS's, however, is the fact that it doesn't come off just by breathing on it, so I'm guessing it was just glued to the disc. In all honesty, I haven't even put the disc in my computer to play it yet, since I'm afraid I'll either somehow get a virus from it or that it'll melt inside my computer. I'll just put it in.

Okay, so after putting the disc in the DVD the Disc Drive I got this.

Alright, so there are two folders, the audio one is empty. Great. Then there's the video one.

No idea what this means. Guess I'll have to play it on a DVD player for now.

Anywho, I guess that there wraps up my analysis! It was mainly me just blabbing on and on about things you probably don’t care about, and doesn't really have a conclusive "end'' or anything, but hey if anything else pops up I'll be sure to notify you guys. Thanks for reading this far if you did, and hopefully Tumblr won't crash before I can post it this time.

#mod cool cat #cool cat #cool cat saves the kids #cool cat loves you #this took forever #I put too much time and effort into things #dirty cool cat confessions #i wonder if derek would appreciate my review of his shipment ;)

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darkhymns-fic · 8 years ago

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To Share a Secret

The sickness was spreading all over her body. There was nothing Colette could do to stop it... But it was all her fault to begin with.

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia Characters/Pairing: Lloyd Irving/Colette Brunel Rating: T+ Mirror Links: AO3, FF.net Notes: An experimental fic (sorry), featuring themes of guilt, angst, and hurt/comfort. Because sometimes you just want to write that.

Colette first notices it when she is dressing one morning.

The patch of green blossoms over her left shoulder. It is barely the width of her finger and, at first, she thinks it to be a bruise. She brushes a nail against it, feeling the toughness of it, the miniscule cracks that cut through it disturbingly. It is not something she likes looking at.

If I just wash it, maybe it'll go away. So she takes a sponge, dips it in water and soap, and scrubs as hard as she can. The patch remains there, like a lone oasis in a desert. But it doesn't make her feel any better to think of it that way, because it still itches and makes her skin stiff.

"Colette?" someone calls from outside the inn door. "We'll be leaving soon. Are you ready?"

She quickly dons her overcoat, and brushes her long hair over her shoulders. Nothing could be seen, nothing could even be suspected. She keeps her eyes on the crystal bound with her neck, and the necklace that hangs over it - the necklace that Lloyd had given her.

"I'll be right out, Professor!" she responds. She takes a deep breath, and puts on her smile. Her friends have already gone through so much to save her. She doesn't need to worry them anymore.

She had many bruises from her falls back then, especially so in first grade. The young are always the clumsiest, and Colette was the poster child for it. Tripping over the last step of the stairway, or the tip of her shoe finding the one stone upturned in the grass – and so she would have a scrape on her knee, or a blue-black mark on her shoulder.

"Be more careful!" Lloyd would say, once stopping her from face-planting into the ground. His own steps were unsure, but with awkward arms he caught her from the side. Still, he grinned, as wide and bright as when they played tag among the trees.

Even back then, he worried about her.

"What a useless girl!" Rodyle turns away from her in disgust, leaving her in her prison of glass. Colette grabs her shoulder, hoping to cover it up even more than her clothes could do.

But Rodyle didn't even need to be near to know what she hid. Could he see through her so easily? The thought of it sends waves of revulsion through her stomach.

"To be left with a sinful Chosen!" he shouts again, his voice pressing upon her mind like needles. "At the very least, you will be good bait."

It's the word that sinks into her chest, leaving her body like a husk, unmoved by the cries of dragons and the sharp wind that cut through the clouds all around her. Sinful? she thinks with growing horror. Her eyes gazes down towards her sleeve, feeling a coarseness rub against her clothes, the fibers catching onto something stiff, something painful, something wrong.

Is that… what I am?

This is not something she can continue to ignore.

"When we err, we must pray."

Her first pastor was a kind, gentle man, his eyes hidden within a sea of wrinkles. For her 7 th birthday, he had given her a book – her first prayer book, etched with gold filigree on the cover, the pages scrawled in angelic writings by some dedicated scribe. She was still in the middle of her training, so she could only read a few fragments of the sentences here and there.

"When you err, keep these words in mind." He tapped at the book cover. "And confess to the Goddess for your mistakes. Only then will you be pure once more."

She promised him this. Yet whenever she prayed, Lloyd's face would light up her mind, even then. So she would forget to pray for her own redemption.

"Colette, is something wrong?"

Her smile is ready, lifting her face into place. The sky is bright, the others with them walking and talking amongst themselves as they headed towards the Earth temple's entrance. Lloyd walks near to catch up to her.

"Oh, nothing. I think I'm just tired from before."

The shape of his eyes, the way they pierce through her, is both a welcome intrusion as it is a frightening one. There are some things that he shouldn't be burdened with, not after all that he has already done for her. "You don't have to keep things hidden from us, you know."

"I know," she says, careful to not giggle or anything of the sort. "I have all my friends with me."

"That's right." Lloyd reaches for her hand. The heat from his glove presses against her skin, but she can't help the skipped beat in her chest. She is lucky that he hadn't reached for her other hand… the one that would soon be…

"So remember, you can tell us anything that's bothering you." He smiles, wide and bright. "Okay?"

Lloyd is so kind, too kind. And kind people always got hurt so very easily.

"Okay," she agrees with him, gripping his hand back. The strength is something she can feel. It is tangible, pure reality. "I promise I'll let you know."

The lies are natural. Just another thing for Lloyd to be disappointed in later. More and more, the failures of her own person would be so much, that not even Lloyd would be able to ignore them. She knows she is making things worse, but she can't let herself tell him.

I can't tell anyone about this… she thinks, her face a perfect mask of optimism. She does all she can to not grip Lloyd's hand too tight. I can't tell anyone about this body!

"Are you unable to sleep, Chosen?"

Kratos' voice had a timbre to it that was instantly recognizable – even before she would grow to know him. Yet she was sure that they had never met before this journey. Perhaps that was why she hadn't flinched when he appeared beside her, overlooking the barren dunes from this lone oasis.

"Ah.. no, I'm fine," she lied.

His face upturned to the night sky. If she didn't look at him directly, he seemed even more familiar this way. Was it the shape of his hair? The way the light caught it to make it darker?

"If you cannot sleep, you should count the stars." He paused. "Although, a human life is far too short to count them all..."

She clasped her hands, age-old recitations flitting away from her mind. Prayer had helped her at first, but without sleep, those soft promises held less weight than before.

"…That's a good idea. I'll try that."

Late at night, she can barely stop herself from coughing.

Sheena is with her, jumping from her own bed to rub a hand against Colette's back. "Hey! Do you need some water? Did you catch something?"

Her chest feels like it is on fire. It is difficult to breathe. The vivid image of her lungs crystallizing like her skin suddenly bring forth a terrible fear. This… this is what he meant. Even with Sheena's soothing voice, all she can hear is Rodyle's mocking tone. Because I didn't go through with it. To escape one death only to go through another. A punishment.

Sylvarant is still dying. She has every right to be punished.

"Colette?"

After a moment, her throat finally clears. She takes shuddering breaths, then turns to Sheena with a smile. "S-sorry about that. Maybe some water might help?"

"How cute! Is she a little puppy?"

The girl in strange clothes stared at Colette, her hands protectively holding the furry creature. She had only joined the group for a short time, keeping to herself. "Not exactly."

"I'm a boy!" A bell tinkled when the creature shook all over in distaste, its – no, his curly tails fanning out behind him. "And I'm much smarter than a puppy!"

Colette had held out her hand to him. "What's your name?"

Corrine told her straight away, much to Sheena's ire.

When she was rescued later on, she had seen those same bells hanging off of Sheena's wrist. She could never seem to find the right time to apologize.

Sometimes, she would even see Sheena whispering to them, holding the bells close when she thought no one was looking.

The guilt was overwhelming.

The strange mark is spreading, running from her shoulder to the length of the upper part of her arm. It is an ocean engulfing the land that is her body, slowly overtaking flesh to become hard crystal. It now hurt just to raise up her arm a certain way, making it difficult to throw her chakrams and affecting her aim.

Her clothes are modest, and her sleeves are long. She looks normal enough. But if her overcoat happened to slip down by more than a few inches…

She can barely look at herself in the mirror when she changes. And she only does so when it is pitch dark.

The greatest sins are those we hide. Her third pastor had told her this, when she was just reaching adolescence. Not just from the world, but from ourselves. They are treacherous secrets that the Goddess frowns upon. But when you give yourself to the Goddess, sins and all, one may be forgiven.

Yet she had rejected the Goddess, too cowardly to die. And now her sin was engulfing her.

It is to be expected, isn't it?

"Will you not be going to the baths, Colette?" Presea asks her, seeing Colette sitting on her bed in their chosen inn for the night.

She shakes her head. "I'm very tired. Go have fun without me!"

Lloyd had never been the praying type, but that was okay. More than okay.

As school children, he would sometimes stand outside the chapel, waiting for her to finish her lessons so that they could play with Genis later, or rush along the shore before worrisome adults chased them back to the safety of town.

"Who do you talk to when you pray?" he once asked, wearing bright red. It had been a gift from his father, the big man with the hearty voice, loud enough to send Colette's ears thrumming with pleasantness.

"To the Goddess," she said matter-of-factly. Then, after a brief thought, she added, "And to myself sometimes."

He had looked over to her. "That sounds useful!"

Knowing that he waited for her, she would sometimes rush through the prayers so she could see him quicker. When she was feeling daring, she would skip them altogether.

From there, it only grew and grew.

The earth shakes, and the towers fall. But all she can do is clutch at her ruined shoulder, eyes biting through her.

She can't even feel the sting from Forcystus' weapon, only the wind that hits her exposed skin.

"It's… it's disgusting, isn't it?" Her voice squeaks out, barely able to leave her tightened throat. "It's… it's…"

"It's not at all."

Unlike her, Lloyd has never needed to lie.

"It's a bit gross looking, isn't it?" she said, gazing at the side of the bridge.

Zelos shrugged. "It certainly is grotesque. Although, knowing where Exspheres come from, I'm not sure it's appropriate to describe them that way.."

She rubbed at her arm in guilt. "You're right."

They have taken her back home.

Colette can barely sleep, even when she is back in her own soft bed that she had slept on for sixteen years. The windows let in the afternoon sun, and the bookcases are to her side, their shelves still filled with her prayer books and their angelic writings.

Her shoulder feels heavier.

She can hear the others downstairs. There is the faint warble of her grandmother's voice, and the strong tenor of Kratos' own. Then there would be someone else interrupting him, slightly higher-pitched, their throat pressed to the point of tension.

"…Can I see her?…"

Colette sinks beneath her covers, shutting her eyes, waiting and hoping for the day to end, for her friends to forget her and leave her to this mess that she has gotten herself into. She doesn't want to disappoint them anymore. She doesn't want to hurt Lloyd any more than she already has.

All I do is mess things up.

"You should let her rest," someone says. Kratos. She hears the shift of his belt, the shield strapped to his side that clinks against his sword. "Do you understand why she is like this?"

He knows Lloyd shouldn't get near me. Because of what I…

Sinful, reckless, useless, and a failure. She couldn't die when she needed to. And now, it seems she won't even live when others wanted her to. She knows she is not worth this much.

She must have fallen asleep just then, because her palm upon waking starts to ache, marking the necklace's imprints deep into her skin, holding it when she dreams. Her shoulder is numb, and her limbs feel all wrong and askew. Still, she is afraid to lift her head. She didn't want to think how much time must have passed.

Someone is sitting beside her bed.

"Colette? Are you awake?"

By the grace of the Church, and by her grandmother's kindness, Colette was allowed to visit Lloyd's house sometimes, even though it was never quite often. It was far, after all, skirting by the Desians to where the only other living beings known were a young boy, a dwarf, and some strange dog-creature. She recalled those moments seated on his balcony, watching the stars billow out from the dark, accompanied by Lloyd's loud voice that chased away the stillness.

Even so, Lloyd was never allowed into her own room ever since he was very young. "You have many precious things, Colette," her grandmother told her. "He might not mean to, but he could by some chance ruin them." Her father supported this decision. "Your room is only for you," he said, and nothing much more.

That's why she visited Lloyd's home as often as she could. It always felt less empty there.

She is not supposed to be in this room, and neither is Lloyd. But routine has now been thrown out the window many times, and though she huddles in her blankets, Lloyd talks to her back. This is mean and cruel (everything she has ever done has been cruel for him), but she lacks the courage to face him.

He has been talking to her for a while.

"Is it still so hard for you to trust me?"

It is sudden, what he says. Filled with disappointment, but lacking any anger. That cut through her chest viciously.

"I can't trust myself."

She can't remember when she turns to him, but then she notices his eyes and the way both his hands holds one of her own so tightly.

"That's why we have everyone else, right?" Lloyd tries to joke, though his smile doesn't last. It still gets her to grip back his hands, to forget the infection that was slowly crawling down her arm. "I just… don't want you to keep dealing with things alone."

But what if it is what I deserve?

Colette doesn't say the thought out loud, for she has some sense about that at the very least. She instead grips the necklace again with her free hand, giving him a weak smile, but a smile all the same.

"I know I'm not alone when I wear this." The gentle weight of it on her neck, the symmetry carved into its design, is enough for comfort, even when she first saw the mark of green on her chest.

That only serves to make Lloyd look away, confusing her immensely.

"Kratos told me that it's not enough to stop this from happening. Probably even triggered it…" His thumb brushes against the creases in her palm. Something hollow leaves his throat, a sound that she can't identify. "It's… some birthday present I made. I can't even make a good necklace for you."

There was a reason she was meant to die before. Her continued existence only brings him more pain. I've been sick since the beginning…

She must have been crying, because Lloyd leaves his seat then to hug her close.

"You can't-"she starts, but hiccups. Her tears choke her, and her lungs hurt even more, for whatever terrible thing her body is housing. She feels his arms encircle her back, one hand much too near her shoulder, where a crystallized monstrosity is hiding beneath her clothes. "You can't think that about yourself. Please, Lloyd…" I can't take it.

His breath is shaking along with her. It is so rare to hear him make such a sound. "Then you need to do the same."

But doesn't he realize how terrible she is at promises?

His embraces have always been tight, always enough to make her lose her breath, if only for a short time. She had not been able to weep back then, underneath the Sylvarant sky, asking him to keep a secret. It had been too much to ask. No friend would do that to someone so kind and hurting as much as he had been.

Colette tries to hide her face within his jacket, bright red so that she will never miss him in the darkness. He is a beacon that she could always follow – but even a guide gets tired, even a guide needs time away from pain. Maybe her death will be a blessing. He won't have to worry about anything more again.

Yet he is warm and his heartbeat is a steady cadence that is able to slow the track of her tears. His hands rub against her back in soft circles, sending her thrills that filled the well of her guilt. She thinks she can feel his mouth press into her hair, too light to be a kiss. Or maybe she is just tired.

Then his fingers brush against her side, making her flinch. His touch was intense, plying through the fabric of her dress, pressing against that coating of crystal, hard and cracked and grotesque.

Seeing the movement, Lloyd pulls his hand away.

"Does it hurt when I…?"

She shakes her head. "No." I just don't want you to feel it. I don't want you to know anymore of how disgusting I am.

She hears someone coming up the stairs.

"Lloyd, that's enough for now."

Kratos' voice is always level, betraying little, even to her attuned hearing. Lloyd jumps to his feet, though his hands still clench, with his eyes always drifting back to her.

"There's a situation happening at the schoolhouse," Kratos continues. "I think it's prudent that you have a look."

Lloyd still looks unconvinced.

"I'll be okay," Colette tells him, rubbing her eyes. "I'm… feeling better. I'll see you real soon."

She smiles for him, weak and guilt-filled. Lloyd returns it in kind.

"Okay. Promise, right?"

She could try to not lie to him, for once.

"I promise."

"Is it that hard for you to trust me?"

I just didn't want anyone to worry.

"What's happening to you?"

I don't know.

"Why didn't you say anything?!"

This is just what it means to be an angel, isn't it?

In her effort to keep her secrets, she piled more and more responsibilities onto his shoulders. She had felt that weight on him when he embraced her, his legs trembling, his breath shaking.

It was the equivalent of trying to repair a glass vase, gathering the shards in her hands, and only cutting them on her fingers until there was blood staining the pieces. And by no choice, another pair of hands must take the pieces from her, only to get cut themselves.

Sin is always overwhelming. It reaches out from her and takes everyone with her until there is nothing left.

There is a way to save her, even now.

"Kratos told us to research some ancient records. About the Kharlan War, I think?"

Anyone can see Raine's eyes racing at Lloyd's words, at the way she crosses her arms, her mind trekking across vast plains of knowledge. "Regal, I recall you saying there being archives back in Syback regarding Mithos and his history."

It is amazing to see everyone already discussing, collaborating, and confirming their decision to find the path for Colette's salvation. It makes her heart wrench and her eyes nearly tear up again. It also overwhelms her, chilling her skin. They have to go through so much trouble for me.

In her selfishness, she asks Lloyd if she would be able to stay by his side. He promises her that she would.

Lloyd always kept his promises.

But doesn't it get tiring?

In the inn at Sybak, after they found the book for what they needed, she wanted some time to herself. The city is not as bustling as Meltokio, and there aren't many shops around, but the streetlamps are pretty, and the sky still shows her the stars. Even though they were not the same stars that Lloyd and her would gaze at, with its separate patterns, and its foreign expanse.

"Can't sleep?"

She had heard Lloyd leave the inn not long after she did. It still doesn't make her stop from reaching the part of the University Town, where the river clashes with the sea. She seats herself on its edge, feet meters away from the water. Lloyd then sits with her, close by, his presence a comfort.

She doesn't answer him right away, keeping her gaze on the stars. "This is a nice place, isn't it?" Her hands stay clasped together over her knees. "I think Professor Sage likes it here. There's so many books for her to read."

"Colette."

The note in his voice make her turn, but he is already so close to her. His hand reaches out, but she shrinks back, her body tense, her mind guilt-filled once more.

There is a hurt in Lloyd's eyes, and then a shyness she can't really recognize. "Do you… not want me to touch you?"

It would be easier if she just says yes. Quick and direct, then the hurt for him won't last. But she can't bring herself to say that, so instead, "I'm afraid you'll hate me."

It takes Lloyd a moment more to try again, to place his hand over her curled ones, to unlink her fingers so he can intertwine them with his own. "I already told you I wouldn't. Not ever."

"I've been nothing but trouble for you."

"No, you haven't."

"I've made you go through so much."

"Colette. That's enough."

She doesn't want to cry again, but her shoulder is getting worse. She has seen the disease eat up her arm, almost reaching her wrist. Soon she will need to wear gloves just to be passed as normal. Lloyd is holding onto that hand now. If he even so much as lifts that sleeve, he will see it again.

She shakes. "I'm not worth this-"

His kiss is bruising and rough, his hands reaching out to grip her sides. She doesn't have the will nor the want to move away. She sinks into him, closing her eyes, her mind painting an array of stars for her.

They remain close, unable to say much else. His lips brush against her cheek, her neck, and just over her collar bone. She doesn't want him to discover much else, and when she shakes again, he stops, though he keeps his arms around her. The water sloshes against the walls, the lights above them hum, attracting moths that swish around the glow.

"I'm afraid," she whispers, still unable to look at him.

He kisses her forehead, and his shaky breath tells her that he is close to weeping himself. "Not of me. Please."

She can try to make this promise, too.

"Colette," Raine had asked her before they left Iselia. "Are you afraid?"

She had already packed her things, her room looking even emptier than before. Her letter was safely within the possession of her father, and her grandmother's advice was tucked away in her heart. Her hand reached up to her neck, saddened that she would have to make Lloyd break his promise.

"It's what I'm born to do. So…" She turned to her teacher, smile at the ready, her giggle light and airy. "Let's try not to worry!"

Even Raine looked less than convinced, but that was fine. She promised to take her to the Tower. That was all that mattered.

The items they need for her cure are not easy to acquire. But no one speaks about giving up. No one speaks about leaving her body to fester in the mess she had made. No one would ever think that of her.

The disease has spread to her right hand finally, but only to the side of it, just underscoring her palm. If she clenches her fist, it will stay hidden. It is hard to though. Even a soft flex of her hand sends her slivers of pain.

In their travels, Lloyd rarely leaves her side. His hands always reach for her own, speaking of something desperate. She would try to let him hold her left hand, keeping her right far away. But once back at Altessa's, before they would attempt to go to Heimdall, he takes her outside of the house while the group converses with the dwarf.

"Let me see your hand."

The familiarity of that is almost too much, this echo of concern and fear. She lets him lift up her palm. Nothing changes in his eyes when he upturns her hand, watching the sunlight play off her now crystallized skin.

But he can see what little time they had left.

"It's… really gross, isn't it?" she says, trying to make light of it. But the words hurt too much when they leave her. "I'm sorry."

He shakes his head. "You don't need to keep hiding. It's too much." He raises his eyes to her, bright, and on the verge of tears. "You don't need to."

She can't imagine doing anything else though.

Seeing how she can't answer, how locked in her voice was, he leans forward to kiss her again, softer this time, deep but quick because the voices of their friends were gathering. He doesn't say anything else to her after that, but he keeps hold of her hand when they go back to the others, ignoring a stray stare here or there.

Lloyd never seems to care about that. His need for her is anxious and clinging. He will never be able to let go of her.

There's nothing she can do to save him from more pain.

Once, she had tried teaching Lloyd her prayers. She had taken the book with the gold filigree cover, setting it on her lap as they sat together in his room. It was in second-grade, and one of the first times she had ever visited his large house, with his large father, and his large dog. "This is Psalm 5!" she had declared cheerily. "It's about asking the Goddess to help forgive yourself."

Lloyd's eyes squinted as he tried to make sense of the pages. "Hm, if you say so!" He shrugged. "Seems like a lot of work though just to say sorry."

"Well, it gets easier when you keep repeating it a lot. I have it memorized now!"

"Cool, like my Dwarven Vows!" Lloyd said, now fully understanding the importance. "But, um, does it mean you keep doing bad things then?"

"What do you mean?"

"You said that's about forgiveness," he pointed at the page, though not exactly at the right section. "So you're asking the Goddess to keep forgiving you. Do you get in trouble a lot or something?"

She looked at the page, then back to him, blinking owlishly. She thought back to her pastors. "It's because we're human. So we keep making mistakes."

He scratched at his head. "Even if you don't mean to make them?"

"Yeah. You have to, umm… always be better."

"Oh, okay." Still, he looked at her. "But what mistakes did you ever make?"

To this day, she can't remember what she said to him.

Once they retrieve the Mana Leaf Herb, they all leave Heimdall in higher spirits. Colette can no longer deny the hope on the horizon. It is enough to quell the guilt inside her for just a little bit longer. And perhaps there is something addicting in the way Lloyd refuses to ever be too far from her. The chances for kisses are few, but every night he would hug her before they leave for bed. Her side may ache more and more, but she no longer flinches when he reaches for her.

In Meltokio, everyone decides to recuperate before their journey to the Tower. And while Zelos' mansion may have been large, there were only a few bedrooms available, leaving plenty to having to crash on the couch, however opulent it was.

It was unspoken that Colette would have one of the rooms of her own. "Whatever's comfortable for you," Raine tells her, pulling Colette's sleeve back down. No one else saw to the extent of her disease than her professor had. It was thanks to her healing arts that any progression had finally slowed, no longer eating up an inch of Colette's flesh each day.

Still, she sees the way Raine's brows furrow when she looks over the marks, the wrinkle in her frown, the brief half-second of hesitance when she reaches for Colette's arms to mutter another salving spell for her.

Colette doesn't blame her.

But late that night, sleep keeps avoiding her. She thinks about counting the stars to help pass the time, like she used to. There is a window to the side – even a balcony. She makes to rise but her chest grips her. Sharp claws that go through her lungs, a burning brand that sears her heart over and over. With a muffled cry, she leans over herself, bringing her knees up to her chest to minimize the pain that keeps pounding within her. Maybe it's over.

She can't even react when someone knocks on her door, and even less when they open said door. She remembers Sheena, her face pale as Colette heaved out her breath. Every time she had rubbed her back, the small bell would ring, soft and lonely. Did she-

Lloyd walks into her room quickly. Has he been waiting? Sitting outside her door, in case she needed anything?

"Colette? Hey!" He reaches out for her, as he always does, bringing her body near. It stills her shaking, the pain receding. "Let me get the Professor. Maybe she can-"

"No, she's seen enough of me." Let her sleep without seeing something disgusting. She takes a deep breath, afraid of how she sounds. "And… I'm feeling better anyway. I don't want to bother her."

She doesn't lie about that. She can feel the warmth of Lloyd's hands against her, ungloved now. Their touch wards off the burn pulsing with her heart.

But Lloyd's face visibly struggles. Sometimes, she wonders if he can still hear her thoughts, like back at the final seal, before Remiel would take her away. "Colette, she's not tired of you. None of us are."

"I…" Colette directs her eyes to the pillow. The silence is thick, but her mind continually shouts her down, reminding her of this pain, this pain of hurting everyone around you. "I just don't want her to have to see… this again." She can barely gesture to herself.

Lloyd, standing by her bed, keeps his hands on her. One angles down to brush her arm, to press against the material of her clothes.

"Is that why you won't let me see you?"

The weight of his words settles on her mind, but gently so, not enough to make her knees buckle. "You see me," she protests.

She feels him sit down next to her on the bed, refusing to release her hand. "Please, Colette."

Maybe she is scared her life will end before they can get the Mana Fragment. Maybe she is scared that the cure won't work, that she will soon become this crystal statue that can no longer breathe.

"Why… do you want to see any of it?" She can't name it, as if to deny it will make it stop existing.

"Because I love you."

He says it like it is something so obvious, a fact that she should know. And she does, she does know. Why else did she write that letter for him, to urge him to stay away and live freely without her? But Lloyd is stubborn, and that is another thing that she loves about him in return.

"But I'm disgusting," she whispers as a final defense.

His fingers interlock with hers. "I already told you that you're not."

A pastor told her this. She forgot which.

"A Chosen must be pure in heart, mind, and body. You give yourself for the world and only the world. Free of want, free of sin, free of corruption. And the greatest sins are those we hide. The Goddess abhors such deception." He had smiled at her then, wrinkles creasing his cheek. They all had these wrinkles. They were always old, gentle men with voices soft and hands spotted and shaking. "Do you understand, child?"

Colette had only been twelve, but she had nodded all the same.

Because she had not been fully willing to give herself, the crystal was rejecting her. Because she had accepted Lloyd's gift, her body retaliated, determined to end in self-destruction. Because she had denied it from herself, she was dying. "If you wish to live, Chosen One," Kratos had said to her as he left Sybak, back in their first days in Tethe'alla. "You must remove that worthless necklace."

She had denied to do so, no matter that it was a 'foolish sentiment.' Nothing for Lloyd was foolish.

But hiding. That was a habit hard to break.

Even when Lloyd helps her out of her clothes, she can't help but cover up her chest, huddling in on herself. No, here is where the worst of the disease is, engulfing her left breast and shoulder, where spots of it speckle down her stomach. Suddenly, she can't do this. She wants to cover up the markings, the discolorations, the sheer ugliness of it. "Please don't look…"

Lloyd says nothing, but she feels his eyes take in the patterns that take her flesh. Ugly like warped glass, just as sharp and uncomfortable. And yet, she also feels him unearth her hands from her skin. His touch is so warm, and she melts before him. His fingertips brush against its hardness, sometimes caught against the miniscule cracks.

"I'm not…" she starts to say before a sob takes her voice. Lips press against her chin, and his hands continue to slide up her torso, to caress her side, to move past her navel to feel the duality that her skin offered.

"You're still you," he whispers, then kisses her fully on her mouth. She gasps and clings back to him.

At first, her skin still feels inflamed, and sometimes it is hard to breathe, but Lloyd's hands work better than Raine's spells. Her shivers become symptoms of both pleasure and thrill instead of fear. His mouth travels over her, and he always brings her near his own bare chest, never shying away from her body. No pause, no second left to be spared. The moon outside is so bright, lighting up the room so that nothing can be left as the imagining of a shadow. And still he keeps her close.

Still, he keeps her close.

She craved the times when Lloyd would catch her in a lie.

"Hey," he said after school, turning in his seat to face her. "Tell me what's wrong."

Colette had frozen in her seat. The backdrop of the other children leaving the classroom were too soft, too unreal compared to his voice.

"Oh? Nothing's wrong," then finished with a soft laugh.

"No, see, you keep doing that." He placed his chin atop crossed arms, practically laying on her desk. "You always do that weird giggle when you're trying to hide something."

She didn't even know she did that.

"Just… um…" She fiddled with her hands, watching their paleness play against the dark oak of her desk. "I'm fine, just… I don't feel like going to the Chapel today…"

She never expected the grin to form on his face, ecstatic and hopeful and so surreal. "So you wanna skip out on them?"

"O-oh?"

"Yeah, we should sneak out together somewhere." He nodded, already deciding. "There's this fair happening outside of town. Let's go there!"

"Ah, but…" she fidgeted, but she already knew she was fronting. Her lessons taught her that appearances were always so important, always so vital. "I think they're expecting me."

"Just say you're helping me with homework for, uh… charity! Yeah!"

She was already forming plans as to what treats they would buy at the fair. "I have to keep it a secret from them."

Lloyd tilted his head at her, still smiling. "It's not really a secret if I know about it too, remember?"

She may not have told him all her secrets, but it was a start. And every time she told him something, she felt like she dodged another mistake.

"Yeah," she whispered, breathless in her excitement. "I remember."

Zelos' balcony is not like the one at Dirk's home, this one seemingly carved from marble instead of carefully arranged with wooden floorboards. But still, it is a place for her and Lloyd to sit with each other afterwards, watching the stars of another world billow out from the dark. They are wrapped in blankets, keeping the warmth of each other enclosed.

She still can't bring herself to look down at her body. It is an affliction she wants to be rid of as soon as possible. But time is paused now, or it felt like it was, as Lloyd's hands stay on her, traveling over her different landscapes.

It was more purifying than a prayer, more freeing than a sermon. She no longer feels so tainted, and could swear she feels the waves of her sickness receding. A jolt here or there still happens, but it did not send her to despair.

"I still get to stay by your side?" she asks him once again, needing a voice to fill the air.

His embraces will always be tight, and those are the only times that she is okay with losing her breath. "I've never wanted you to leave it in the first place."

His love is redemption itself, and to deny that would be the greatest sin, she reasons.

So she doesn't.

"I keep secrets," she said to him, hiding her face in her book, suddenly shy and embarrassed. "And… I shouldn't keep secrets. That's what they say."

Lloyd poked her cheek teasingly. "What secrets?" he said with a grin. "Come on, you gotta tell me now!"

"They're dumb secrets," she whispered. Lloyd had to lean close to hear her.

"If it's wrong to keep a secret to yourself, then sharing it should be a good thing, right?"

She blinked. Was that how it worked?

Lloyd nodded, already knowing what she thought. "Yeah, just tell me! …And I promise I won't tell anyone else. Cross my heart and hope to die!"

She shook her head. She didn't like that promise. "Not that. How about, uh, cross your heart and… hope to eat tomatoes!"

Lloyd made a face, one that sent her giggling. "Ahh, fine! Just tell me!"

"Okay," she said, then took a moment to herself, closing her eyes, speaking words within her chest. "Okay… okay."

So she told him.

#tales of symphonia #colloyd #colette brunel #lloyd irving #lloydxcolette #fanfiction #one shot

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