#i am not truly educated enough to be a hater

[tennessoui]

Hey,

could I ask you what do you think of the people in the disaster lineage? We know you love Obikin and Luke but what do you think about Yoda, Dooku, Qui-Gon and if you want also Ahsoka and Sabine.

I often struggle to connect with the last ones but I find the first three interesting. What are your thoughts?

my only thought right now is that i'm giggling at anakin being left out of the disaster lineage

the last thing this guy needs, you know?

as far as everyone else, i generally like them! i wish i had character thoughts to share, but most of the time i don't - i approach a lot of star wars through the lens of writing because that's how i engage with the canon and the material the most, and that means that with characters i don't know so well i see them mostly through how can i use them in a story and what do i take from their canon representations to transpose on my written characters to get where i want to get

i don't dislike anyone in the disaster lineage as far as i'm aware - i also haven't read the books either, so i'm mostly going off of the movies/tv shows and no supplemental material. and i haven't seen anything with sabine in it yet (my to watch list is very long and star wars doesn't get priority unless obi-wan is in it or it's rogue one related), so i forget about her. so often. most of the time, i would say

[matan4il]

Hi!

Ah, how do you argue with a rabid antisemite who won't even consider for a second that they're wrong? 🙃

Someone I followed posted something about Israel being a "settle colonialist project", so I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt that maybe they're just ignorant and don't know the history of the land and/or Judaism. I sent them a message basically saying that considering Israel a settler colony is super problematic and antisemitic as it entirely erased the deep link between Jewish people and their ancestral homeland.

Well this person then went OFF the rails, spouting some of the most awful rhetoric I've ever read. You know, like 95% of Israelis are just white Americans playing dress up as middle easterners and have no historic claim to the land, Jews aren't the only Semites so she couldn't possibly be antisemitic (🙄🙄), Jews and Israel are the new Nazis and white supremacists, evil murderous baby killers etc.

She insisted that she was incredibly educated on the subject (!!!) and that I was the ignorant one, and I just don't understand how we're supposed to handle people like this, who are so full of hate that they can't be reasoned with. I guarantee that if any other minority told them that they were doing something offensive or racist they'd stop immediately and be incredibly apologetic. What makes us Jewish people so different?

😔

I just really needed to vent and for someone to confirm that I'm not the crazy one.

Thank you! 💞

Hi, lovely!

Let me start by assuring you that you are absolutely NOT crazy. And I am so sorry that you, and so many of us, have had to go through this experience, of encountering someone being that awful. I'm sending you lots of hugs, I know it's not much of a comfort, but you are not crazy, and you are NOT alone.

"She insisted that she was incredibly educated"

I've seen that happening so much. I wish they'd realize this is so false and condescending. No, reading lots of anti-Israel propaganda does NOT make them educated on this. No, using the propaganda to de-legitimize and silence the people most affected by the conflict, way more than these people are, is not okay, it is NOT the sign of an educated person (those truly educated can carry a debate about it, they don't need to silence others. In fact, many times they want to have a debate, because they're secure enough in their knowledge and information, that it does not threaten them. They don't need to block out challenges in order to be sure that their narrative won't fall apart) and it is INCREDIBLY patronizing. It's like a straight person lecturing me on what it's like to be gay, except only presenting the most homophobic idea one can picture of it. It's condescending on top of being hateful.

And I say this as someone who has lived this conflict her entire life, but also works at a Holocaust museum, which researches the Holocaust in particular, genocide in general, and Jewish history, including this specific chapter. You think any of these Israel haters care that they're lecturing someone with way more knowledge and experiences of this conflict than them? With more real life Israeli AND Palestinian friends than they have? Who has probably done more in her line of work to combat hate and the path to genocide than their keyboard fighting ever will? Do they stop and listen when we talk about the actual definition of Zionism, genocide, or even just some basic facts about the current war, like how many Palestinian terrorist organizations Israel is fighting? Nothing gets through.

So the most important thing I wanna tell you is to PLEASE not feel bad if you don't get through to this person. I think it is noble and brave to try. I have with some people who I mistakenly thought there was a chance they'd listen. And I never do it from a place of hate for Palestinians, because I do not hate them. I know enough of them who are great people, and I sincerely want the good people on both sides to have a better life. I always speak from a place of looking at the facts, current and historic. I believe it matters. We can't solve a conflict that we don't understand, and we aren't promoting any understanding (we're not helping in solving it) by spreading intentional lies about the essence of the cnflict. I've been translating the docu about Amin al-Husseini, because he's someone who infused the conflict with religious hate and antisemitic thinking. If we don't understand that, if we pretend this is just about land and liberation, we will never be able to address the true core issues of the conflict, and we won't be able to solve it, and provide the good people on both sides with this better life they deserve.

That's what I can offer to you, to speak about your experiences, the experiences of those you know or have heard of, who are affected, to speak from a place of care, and to insist on truth and facts.

That said, as you can understand, it doesn't always work. Some people I've tried with, they were just not willing to listen. When they stated something wrong, and I gave them a correction linked to a fact checked source, and they still ignored it and repeated their ignorant claims, that means they don't want to listen.

Which means that this false narrative serves some sort of need they have. Otherwise, if the facts that someone is presented with undermine their narrative, that should make them stop and question it. Stop and reevaluate why, if their narrative is true, do they get so many facts wrong? I'm not talking here about something like was this specific tweet or that particular vid true. I'm talking about basic facts, like denying that Jews are from Israel, are native here, and therefore have native rights here, that can't be erased with it being antisemitic.

What's the need that it serves? There are different motivations, one person can have more than one reason to choose to ignore the suffering of Israelis and Jews, but at the end of the day, what they all have in common, is that they're enabled by a certain degree of either antisemitism, or ignorance, or both. Antisemitism can be a sense of indifference regarding Jews, our well being, our safety, our rights, and it can also be based in a certain distorted view of Jews. And I just have to say that a certain lack of knowledge can lead to the latter even among Jewish people, even when it doesn't lead to antisemitism and hatefulness. It's just... Jews are so misrepresented, so... under-discussed. You will not believe how many times I've asked American Jewish visitors to our Holocaust museum how many Jews there are in the world, and they greatly overestimated the number. It doesn't point to anything bad about them, but it does reflect that they're a product of American society, where Jews are (even culturally) misrepresented as being far more omnipresent than we are (while also barely giving us our own voice).

Sorry, I know this got long. I guess because my answer to your first question, regarding arguing with a rabid antisemite is... you try you best, with care, and with facts. But you also mustn't feel bad if it doesn't work. If people have a vested interest in not listening to you, they won't. And it is not your fault. And also, you have to take care of yourself, too. So it's okay to stop and ask yourself every once in a while, whether a specific fight is one worth fighting. If it's someone that matters to you, and that you wanna stay in touch with, it may be even when things don't look hopeful. If it's a public argument, and there's a chance that this person won't listen to you, but a third party might read your replies and get something from them, then it may also be worth keeping up the debate then. But there are also times when, if you tried, and the person is insistent on not listening, and the odds of anything positive coming out of it are slim to none, it's also okay to take care of yourself, to disengage, and stay the hell away from someone that antisemitic.

IDK if this helps, but I really hope so, and I am sending you a lot of hugs, love, support and encouragement! And if you ever wanna ask me anything in order to have that as help in confronting antisemites, I will do my best for you. Take good care, lovely! xoxox

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[katyspersonal]

It just will forever baffle me how unfair he has been. He kept constantly blaming me for all that was going wrong in his life, he could get upset to the point of wanting to hurt himself or worse over things as little as me disagreeing with his creative ideas or not wanting to listen to something he wanted to share at the moment, he abandoned his friend he knew for two years because he got interested in me too much to give her enough - and then because he convinced himself she didn't care for him anymore.

And I knew, all along, that I was not right for him. I kept telling him to keep reaching out and seek friends that he'd actually like and actually get along with. I kept insisting that he was doing it to himself by clinging to me where clearly he hated me to the point I could've hurt him by as much as setting up boundaries, having different opinions or having limitations as a human being. I told him that that friend he abandoned still cared for him and he could not just decide FOR her. But over and over, he denied everything and begged me to stay, saying how much he wanted to have future together, how I was like a sister he lost a chance to have, how we were supposed to share life experiences together and how I was the only one that felt "real". I kept sticking around despite the abuse, despite how much he was ruining my mental health and my social life (being abused distances you from even close people), all because I could not stand seeing him so hurt and alone. And the last deceit hurt especially bad, because he made me truly believe him. He said something that made me lose my guard, my focus on the fact that I was just a placeholder in his life until he finds someone fitting.

And just like I kept saying, as soon as he got enough money for good life, his mental health improved upon switching meds or something, he met a new friend and reconnected with that exact one he abandoned earlier - he declared me a dead weight on his life that has only been "killing" him and declared that the almost two years he spent with me were just a bad dream he was happy to finally forget.

I knew all along that the best thing I could do for him was to leave him, but I never did. I should have before he stopped caring for me entirely out of blue, because now he didn't even learn anything. He lost nothing of value in his eyes, just a person that "wasted his time". So what if his current friends """fail""" him again? He'll just seek an outlet in new ones, until they prove "useless" and he'll ditch them too, and so on. Some people just can't appreciate someone's personality, they only value people for what they can give to them. Or.. is it just me? At times I am genuinely annoyed when people tell me I am a valuable person and anyone who can't love and appreciate me is an idiot, because on the contrary, in my life all people that despised me and saw me as a waste of their time the most were all high IQ, very well-read and educated, very sophisticated individuals. Clearly, there is a correlation between being very smart and deeming me as human garbage - in a way jealous haters, hypocritical control freaks and callous ableists I've met online never could.

Honestly, sometimes I should decide for someone else. I always knew he hated me and splitting with me was to the better for him, but I let his tears and clinginess force me to feel bad and go back every time. And to doubt that maybe I was the delusional one and could not be sure of someone else's needs. Honestly, guys - when you are given every single indication that you are hated and only kept around out of their fear of loneliness and low self-esteem... it is all there is. It is not a situation where you should listen to your heart, to hope or to give benefit of the doubt. Being abused is something you can only comprehend with mind and knowledge, there is no bigger story and no intricate matters.

Still, I hate how as painfully stupid and naive for my age as I am, I've been able to understand things way more correctly than a much older, much more mature person with high intellect and tons more of life experience. I was right all along, but I hate being right sometimes. And I hate always being discarded as soon as people's lives improve. I hate always being just a placeholder. Apparently, no one whose life is good would ever want to burden themselves with me.

[keepdreamingws-business]

What Being Successful Really is About...

What does it mean when you say,"I am going to be successful?" It means being the best version of yourself. Everyone has enough potential to be better than they currently are. Some might say that they are giving their best every day. NO! You are not. You can work out more, work and study harder, and be better. So much better. People of our generation have a 100 times more potential of becoming successful, than our grandparents and parents. But how do we become SUCCESSFUL?

In order to become successful, we need to first actually realize what the word 'SUCCESS' means. In my opinion, success is achieving these four different things: Good health, good relationships, good wealth, and turning your haters and non-believers into admirers. When these four things are achieved, the satisfaction attained; the peace attained is invaluable. What is a shit ton of money worth if you are going to die in a few months? What is fantastic health and wealth, if your family doesn't support you and love you anymore? Having good health and a family that supports you is worth nothing if you work a 9-5 job, scrambling to get a promotion for the survival and education of your children.. is it? Achieving these goals through all the pain and suffering is 'true success' and that requires DISCIPLINE and STOICISM.

Getting good marks in your school/college exams is not success. It is just one of the many steps to achieve success. Throughout this blog, I will guide you readers on the truly wonderful path to success. Though the path is going to be painful, the destination will be worth it.

Godspeed, Readers!

[dream-ws]

What Being Successful Really is About...

What does it mean when you say,"I am going to be successful?" It means being the best version of yourself. Everyone has enough potential to be better than they currently are. Some might say that they are giving their best every day. NO! You are not. You can work out more, work and study harder, and be better. So much better. People of our generation have a 100 times more potential of becoming successful, than our grandparents and parents. But how do we become SUCCESSFUL?

In order to become successful, we need to first actually realize what the word 'SUCCESS' means. In my opinion, success is achieving these four different things: Good health, good relationships, good wealth, and turning your haters and non-believers into admirers. When these four things are achieved, the satisfaction attained; the peace attained is invaluable. What is a shit ton of money worth if you are going to die in a few months? What is fantastic health and wealth, if your family doesn't support you and love you anymore? Having good health and a family that supports you is worth nothing if you work a 9-5 job, scrambling to get a promotion for the survival and education of your children.. is it? Achieving these goals through all the pain and suffering is 'true success' and that requires DISCIPLINE and STOICISM.

Getting good marks in your school/college exams is not success. It is just one of the many steps to achieve success. Throughout this blog, I will guide you readers on the truly wonderful path to success. Though the path is going to be painful, the destination will be worth it.

Godspeed, Readers

[tessandscottforever18]

How Camila Cabello Advocates for the Planet and People Everywhere

When you think of Camila Cabello, you likely think of the confident pop star who holds the world at her fingertips. After all, she’s a powerhouse in the global music scene, snapping up music awards for dance hits like “Havana” and “Señorita” year after year.

But focus only on her music career and you may miss out on Cabello’s personal side, the one you can glimpse not only in the cute videos she and boyfriend Shawn Mendes share on social media, but also when she uses her platform to speak out on global issues, encouraging others to take action for the good of the world.

At the beginning of 2020, for example, Cabello was gearing up for her Romance Tour — scheduled to take place in countries throughout Europe and North America in support of her second studio album, Romance. But as the COVID-19 pandemic spread around the world, Cabello canceled the tour.

"We can't start rehearsals without putting people at risk and with so much up in the air with no real and definitive end in sight, I feel this is the responsible thing to do," she wrote in an Instagram post.

Instead, Cabello participated in Global Citizen’s Together At Home Instagram Live concert series, encouraging fans to take action and help stop the spread of the coronavirus. She and Mendes performed together, connected with fans to ask how they’re doing while social distancing, and even discussed proper handwashing technique.

“This is a crazy time, and we're all going to come out of this together, we're going to pull through, and we're going to try and connect and make each other smile in the meantime,” Cabello said.

A month later, in April 2020, she and Mendes joined Global Citizen's One World: Together At Home global broadcast special to honor frontline health care workers, performing a cover of "What a Wonderful World."

When she’s not releasing new albums, starring in the new Cinderella film, or taking over the streets of LA with an impromptu musical number, Cabello is just a regular person who knows the importance of doing the right thing, even when it’s hard, to generate real change in the world.

That’s why she’s joining Global Citizen Live, a once-in-a-generation, 24-hour global event on Saturday, Sept. 25, and performing in New York City’s Central Park as part of our campaign to defend the planet and defeat poverty.

And by advocating for sustainability, as well as demanding equity for people everywhere, Cabello wants to normalize taking action for her fans, too.

How Camila Cabello Defends the Planet

The pop singer knows that climate change is a serious threat to all people — and that the most vulnerable among us are going to suffer unless we do something to curb our CO2 emissions.

That’s why she’s taken it upon herself to pay attention to how her individual choices impact the environment. She also uses her voice to uplift eco-warriors around the world who are educating the public on the climate crisis.

The fashion industry generates at least 5% of global greenhouse gas emissions, from manufacturing to disposal. But as long as consumers continue supporting fast fashion, these numbers aren’t going to go down and can have devastating consequences.

Cabello took to TikTok to share her love of sustainable practices, featuring a pair of Allbirds tennis shoes. Allbirds are crafted from eucalyptus tree fiber and Brazilian sugarcane.

"Shoutout to my new Allbirds, a sustainable shoe brand,” she captioned the video. “Not an ad, I just love sustainable clothing."

With a loyal fan base and massive platform, Cabello’s ability to spread the news about eco-friendly clothing items can influence people around the world to pay attention to their own consumer choices. But she also uses her social media clout to support the work of world-renowned climate activists.

In 2017, Cabello tweeted at followers to tune in to An Inconvenient Special, a televised town hall that featured former United States Vice President Al Gore in conversation with young people about climate change. Connecting the climate crisis to her home city of Miami — which is especially vulnerable to extreme weather events — Cabello raised awareness about the TV special to engage Global Citizens in climate action.

Outside of caring for the planet and all of its inhabitants, Cabello takes action on other issues affecting people around the world. She starts by advocating for herself, speaking up about the importance of mental health and how she’s learned to heal.

Advocating for Mental Health Awareness

Amid months-long lockdowns, social distancing regulations, and a shared grief as the world mourns over 4.5 million people lost to COVID-19, the pandemic has taken a serious toll on mental health.

Celebrities like Cabello have the opportunity to speak up about taboo subjects like mental health that don’t get enough attention due to stigma and ignorance. By sharing her own struggles with mental illness, Cabello has chosen to advocate for others and let them know that it is OK to not be OK.

“Before lockdown I was burnt out. I was living with a really high amount of anxiety. It was too much and it was not sustainable. I felt like I was running with a broken leg but I wasn’t really listening to how I felt,” she said during an interview with Page Six. “I know now I have to take care of myself. No one is going to know when I’ve reached a limit other than me, so I have to take care of myself in that way.”

The singer has also made a point to advocate for others. She teamed up with nonprofit Movement Voter Fund to launch the Healing Justice Project, an initiative that provides funds for mental health and wellness resources to support youth activists and organizations making the world a better place.

Cabello shared the work of the 10 grassroots organizations on Instagram to introduce the project earlier this year.

“These organizers work tirelessly to create a positive impact, but the work can be exhausting,” she wrote in an Instagram caption. “Over the next few months, these incredible activists are going to come on my page to share about their work and how they are prioritizing self-care and healing during these really challenging times.”

A Role Model for Girls Everywhere

Utilizing her platform for good has always been a central part of Cabello’s fame. Her hard work and social impact make her an ideal role model for young women, which is why it was an easy decision to cast her in the new Amazon film adaptation of Cinderella.

In this adaptation, the princess is looking for more than marriage; she's a talented clothing designer who wants to travel the world. Determined, hard-working, and passionate, Cabello’s Cinderella focuses less on love and more on living the life she truly desires, fighting gender stereotypes to inspire girls.

Cabello also understood the responsibility her role held, particularly as a Cuban Mexican American woman playing a traditionally white and blonde character.

“We’ve never seen that representation before,” Cabello said in an interview. “It’s just an honor.”

The singer has had to battle judgments from others concerning her looks and personal life. But she hasn't stayed silent or let the haters influence her self worth. Instead Cabello consistently stands up for herself to show women and girls that they are beautiful and worthy in their own right.

After fatphobic headlines and comments targeted Cabello’s body shape, she posted a video on TikTok to remind people that “being at war with your body is so last season.”

“I am grateful for this body that lets me do what I need to do,” she said in the video. “We are real women with curves and cellulite and stretchmarks and fat, and we gotta own that, baby!”

No matter where her career trajectory takes her — from promoting her solo albums to representing women in movies and on stage — Camila Cabello won’t forget to advocate for others on today’s most pressing global issues.

That’s why she’s taking the stage with other all-star musicians and activists in New York on Sept. 25 for Global Citizen Live.

Join Cabello in taking action to defend the planet here.

[bisluthq]

Allyship anon again: I hear what you’re saying about the rep speech and bringing it back to her personally, but at the same time she was doing that she also made it as clear as possible that she did not associate herself as being part of the community. I can totally understand in her position she’s not going to come out and say “yeah i’m a little fruity” given her public perception but she didn’t need to make as definitive statements like “I didn’t realise I could advocate for a community which I am not a part of” or clarify as she has done since then with things like james/betty etc. I’m not saying there’s not any chance she’s not straight (I don’t believe anyone can be fully straight in general) but I just find it hard to believe in her activism she’s much beyond the same kind of (generally) supportive ladies at bachelorette parties at gay bars who believe that pride is also for them because they love the gays™️. Like, taylor has shown herself to be ignorant in politics in a lot of ways with needing education and I do think (not all but a big contributor) to the YNTCD video and the Lover era was an overcompensation because of her conversation with Todrick. She said herself that if her own friend thought that about her, what are the rest of the world thinking? She brought her queer friends/icons into the YNTCD video in the same manner she brought guests out on stage on the 1989 tour, to prove that she had those connections. I’m not saying she doesn’t truly care about her fans or the causes she supported, but the song itself shows clumsy allyship with conflating her own experience with “haters” to homophobia and conflating abuse with “shade” not making anyone less gay because it’s part of queer culture.

So community I’m not a part of is so clumsily worded I actually thought it pinged. Like when you talk to a lot of very lightly bi people they make it clear they’re not “proper gays” or talking over us. Like I remember on Bumble once this girl opened with like “I can’t believe I matched with a girl!!!!” and I was like “oh dope I’m like gay so all my matches are girls” and she was like “oh idk if I’m gay but I really want to try and I’m so sorry it’s okay if you don’t want to go on a date with me I’m not like really gay because I do date men and will again probably sorry for wasting your time” and I was like “??? it’s one message how are you wasting my time” anyway. There’s a lot of stigma tbh. And there’s a lot of shaming from within the community so fluid folk often don’t feel gay enough - especially women who do see themselves ending up with men or really like men don’t know if they’re like gay enough to vibe.

Gillian Anderson is on record about multiple girlfriends. She also had a bizarre interview where she called herself straight - she fully used that word. This was years after she’d come out and spoken about girlfriends. Not even hookups - whole ass girlfriends. Then a few years later she was talking about girlfriends again. Sexuality, and fluid sexuality especially, is very confusing to people. It’s not a checkbox. When Gillian was with a man she felt essentially straight right?

Gaga - who came out as she debuted, is a gay icon, has songs about being gay and specifically about bisexuality - has said she understands if she’s not part of the community in a public speech.

Also in “community I’m not a part of” interview she says she only recently realized it but she was like giving out GLAAD awards and writing about gay marriage with “want who you want” and in Mean she had a little bullied gay boy. So she didn’t only recently realize it - if anything imo what she realized is she’s not a part of the community when she had negative feedback for YNTCD rumors.

The Betty/James thing is a non issue for me. I do wish Taylor Narion had indulged alternate interpretations on main but to me she wrote a song with her boyfriend about a dumb teenage boy and all she was doing was explaining that thought process and taking us into her fantasy world. He’s a boy to her - that says nothing about what that character is for other people because it’s a made up song. Like I do wish she’d done a JKR style “Swift loves lesbian Betty!” tweet but it wouldn’t change that to her James is a boy.

Finally: people can absolutely be straight lmao. Sexuality is a spectrum, and just as you get Kinsey 6s (rare) you get Kinsey 0s (also rare). But both groups exist dude. My mom is the straightest woman alive. We have a few anons who are SUPER straight lol like truly never had a gay thought in their lives. They’re not homophobes, it’s just not for them.

YNTCD was bad regardless of if she’s queer or not but like I say if we look at what she’s putting down it doesn’t seem like she’s Kinsey 0 and she seems to enjoy indulging that a bit and honestly she should because I wish more people acknowledged that sexuality is a spectrum and not like a box you fill out.

[lucidpantone]

Wtfock Fanfic Recommends

Hey there Fockers (see what I did  🙊)

I am doing this genre first because haters are gonna hate and I just want to dispel all the negative connotations now and sage all the bad vibes out of the tag because god knows we need to sage our household aka the wtfock/wtfam tag. Be gone, bad spirits (and before I get hate I am not talking about those critiquing the poor behavior of the tag am talking about those throwing around the “f” word when it’s not even the right word to use in this context). If you want to find out what is the right word please read this insanely articulate post from Skamsnake about the creative process around explicit fic writing.

Okay, take a seat and let's get lost in the sauce.

Let’s chit chat about some real shit. Those damn written words that are keeping us hydrated during the Wtfock drought.

**Update: Going forward I will be rating my reviews via the MPA(USA) filming rating system out. However please take in mind I am no expert and culture matters. I may be being overly cautious but the genre that follows is rated NC-17 in its entirety. **

Fanfic Genre: Erotica/New Adult fiction Tagged under Explicit in Ao3 (or known by its street name: smut) Fic count AOT (as of today): 62

Genre Definition (provided by wikipedia): Fiction similar to YA that can be published and marketed as adult—a sort of an 'older YA' or 'new adult. New adult fiction tends to focus on issues such as leaving home, developing sexuality, and negotiating education and career choices.

This tag barely makes it out of the 20’s without these next four writers so we need to put some respect on their names and spotlight their “best of”.

Skamtrash/ @vearthling (14 MotherFing fics)

Your catalog is so damn extensive its hard to choose but I have to go with my personal fav because am a sucker for an aged up celebrity rock star Sander falling in love with a dark hair boy amongst the crowd. We got plot, romance, a hot and steamy recording session. It's fluffy smut but also kinda of romantic. This one is my personal fav.

Ok and since the crowd has clearly spoken on Ao3 if you want something that puts the E in explicit and has 10k hits, check out this fic. I actually like this work too mainly because it has a pretty endearing follow-up with Milan and Jens/Aaron just embarrassing Robbe after a not so discreet quickie session during the Wtfock Xmas party.

-

JesseLBlack (Double digit Spanish fic Queen)

I am so excited to shout out this dark horse. She is such a machine and an absolutely amazing writer even though all her work is in Spanish. I just want people to appreciate her contributions. If you can read spanish and enjoy a good sneaking around session while the parents are at home this is the one for you.

Also I have no idea how this woman found my kink but she did and that's good punctuation especially in Spanish. Like just stop it, my eyes can’t take seeing so many virgulilla used properly in written form. I felt attacked.

-

Zaddy Skam/ @zaddyskam

If you haven’t connected the dots yet Zaddy is our long time Anonymous contributor to the Ao3 tag. This fic selection may seem like a random choice but I enjoy Zaddy first fic the most Woensdag 16:36.

If you’re a sucker for an in canon fic that creates a little more narrative and fills in the gaps to the original story then this is the fic for you. Plus I like that it's not super smutty mainly because it shows control and range. Its easy to reach for the usual tropes in explicit fics but this fic really turns this genre on its head with suggestive erotica then presenting the actual act itself. Its just really well crafted and also gives an option to those who want a little erotica but don’t want to dive deep into the pool.

-

SkamSnake/ @skamsnake (A legend amongst legends and one half of what inspired the infamous Dinsdag 14:17)

I mean what can be said when the actual wtfock writers are adopting your own ideas into their content. You gotta be doing something right. Here is it what I believe is one half of what I feel inspired parts of Dinsdag 14:17.

FYI: Snakes Omega fic counts under the ABO tag and will be discussed when I get to adoptive “world” fics.

-

Tokyometropolis/ @luludemauryyy  (The other half of what inspired the infamous Dinsdag 14:17)

Video phone is almost eerie to read now having seen Dinsdag 14:17 & Dinsdag 23:12. They are parts of video phone that I literally feel were ripped out of the fic and put onto screen even some dialogue quirks are recognizable. Its a huge testament to the skill of this fic. Also, I truly believe the 2nd chapter of this fic is some of this writer's best fic writing. I see a ton of rhythm and play with cadence and that angsty tonality. I can’t rave enough about video phone chapter 2 its so well thought out. Give it a read and let me know what you think wtfock borrowed out of this fic for the big screen.

-

Midsummernightoddity

I mean is it smut? or is it just excessive fluff while making love? I think the latter. If you want gooey I mean chocolate syrup style love making gooey this is your baby. It’s Robbe’s first time and it’s wrapped up in a ton of emotions. I enjoyed it and definitely made me get a little teary it was so damn sweet. If you love, love, then this is your fic.

-

IcedWhiteMocha

They gave us one fic and one fic only but damn they did give us a good one. Are you a slave to in-canon writing? Ever wonder what happened in that 3 hour time slot in the infamous hotel from when Sander and Robbe entered the hotel room till the shower scene, well this fic will fill in all the blanks.

-

Shout Outs (IMO)

Two strangers at a party catching one another’s gaze from across the room: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22383466/chapters/53478205 by fockinglevendcliche/ @fockinglevendcliche

Tales from Quarantine: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022276 by UndercoverTimeagent

Announcement: We need more zoenne erotica someone write some please!

-

Special thanks and acknowledgments to Hollyster, Sassywarlock29, sote faen, angelboygabriel and joshlerbitches. Also if anyone reads russian please send me a couple of words on this fic. If I missed anyone am sorry and up next I think I will do “worlds” fics so HP, ABO,Magic,time travel etc etc or I will do one shot enemies to lovers (chaptered Enemies to lovers will be its own thing). Let me know what tag you want more information on.

[formulatrash]

hey hazel i know you said you're swamped so seriously no obligation to answer but do you have any thoughts on will buxton's recent chronic inability to stop digging himself into holes, esp on twitter? i'm not so much of a buxton-hater as a lot of people i've been seeing but he has been dropping the ball constantly as of late. what's up with him

Hmm, well. I want to couch this in saying I think some of Will’s meltdowns have been truly appalling (the ‘racism is now about me’ one, in particular) and that however nice and human compared to a lot of F1 people he seems, he does come from an enormously privileged background. I really like Will - but I think it is worth acknowledging both that his behaviour goes well beyond having a bad day sometimes and that one of the reasons he’s been able to present a personable, friendly attitude in the paddock is that he’s from a class where that’s a comfort zone.

I really empathise with him at the minute. He’s been quite publicly open about struggling with mental health issues and this year has been really difficult for most of us in the industry, especially freelancers. Losing the thing your life revolves around is a major disruption, especially when doing your work in it is what gives you a sense of reward and worth and idk if that’s the problems Will’s having (I’m not his psychologist) but I know it’s hit me and other people in motorsport really hard. Like what do you do, wait? Give up on the thing you’ve been fighting to stay in for so long (and it’s always a bit of a wrestle) - and then to go back in weird, stressful circumstances is hard too. 

But I think what gets to Will is what gets to me, too, which is just like skull-caving-in overwhelmedness at the internet. If you can’t post anything without a million people jumping on you then it’s really hard to tell if you’ve actually posted something bad or if it’s just the standard pile-on, which lets things escalate into the sort of Dick Tantrum incident* which was like, mostly harmless but all got a bit silly. (the person arguing with him was also being genuinely unpleasant and brought Will’s daughter into it, which is very uncool)

And I see the things that used to drive me mad when people asked me about when And We Go Green was coming out and I’d be like “I don’t know, I’m not the production company, I don’t know anything please stop asking me it’s not funny” because I was worried about it myself. So when the F1 show moved from YouTube to wherever (as far as I can tell it’s still on YouTube) and a load of people were moaning at Will, whose job it is to present it not schedule it, I really sympathetically winced. Like it’s hard enough having work at the minute, let alone being held responsible for all of FOM’s decisions.

There’s also just a sort of assumption that media people are invincible. Like there’s these irrelevant anime fanboys I should spend absolutely 0% of my brain ever thinking about on Twitter who are convinced I hate men because I don’t think fangirls should be bullied for liking Lando Norris or think their shit edge lord memes are funny. I should not care about this, it shouldn’t bother me and the more I let it the more they crow about getting rent-free space in my head and like. Fine, you fuckers, you have managed to irritate me. Because I’m just trying my fucking best and having a seriously bad time doing it and when I was on an upwards career trajectory I could ignore it but right now everything feels like a kick. Like if I can’t get the jobs, do I have to take the bullshit?

When I got people nitpicking my Tumblr I stopped posting here because it made me so miserable. I had to basically get off the whole internet because I was so wound up because if I had an up moment and said something enthusiastic, it felt like it would get chewed out and dissected and disapproved of. And I’m nowhere near as famous as Will, obviously so I do get that he feels very under it.

And he loves being online and interacting with people and being able to be meme-y and jokey and a bit more human and sympathetic than some other presenters, a little less hardline masc in the traditional F1 sense than the strict shirts-and-slacks Sky Sports team. So when that then turns into something miserable it’s like well how much fucking more of me are you going to take: I can’t work or work is complicated, can’t tool around online...

So yeah. I do get that Buxton is Going Through It. And I’ve used examples of me there because I don’t know what’s going on in his head and I’d rather not speculate but to give you an idea of how it is. 

Will’s a nice person, he’s not as educated on social issues as, idk, me or Chainbear or whoever but he is a long way ahead of a lot of F1 and I also get that it’s been very distressing in the last few months having to argue with colleagues and discovering the true, unpleasant colours of people you know. 

So I have a lot of sympathy for him. I have to walk away from the internet a lot at the minute, which is really hard when we all live on it all the fucking time and it’s like ok taking a break to maybe speak to friends and oh fuck here I am again in a Grandpa Simpson taking his hat off gif loop.

Anyway, short version: lot of people really going through it right now. I really hope Will can get some support and also maybe someone to do his social media for him for a bit, which sucks because he obviously enjoys it but like, I think I would if I was in a position to right now. Even though people’d probably phone the police in suspicion I’d been kidnapped when my tweets started being spelt right and shit.

*Dan is literally called Dick Tantrum in the paddocks and by his engineers so Will was actually right that it’s a nickname. Not a nice one but there it is. 

[spokenfromtheheartandsoul]

The Great Jam Debacle: the full story

(+ and the parallels to Bitty’s life)

(well, whether or not it parallels Bitty’s life is up to you to decide. i’ll lay out the details, you fill in the holes and let me know. also, this may or may not make sense. it is past my bedtime. forgive me.)

First suggestion of an impending threat to the Bittle Family Jam Heritage, also known as The Great Jam Debacle (TGJD): the first update we see Bitty after Jack’s dramatic last-minute graduation kiss. At this point in time, the only people who know Bitty and Jack are together...are just Bitty and Jack themselves. 

Next appearance of The Jam: Eric Bittle nopes out of a conversation about an impending Educational Task he must do with excellently practiced denial (a trait that seemingly runs through all the Bittle men). This occurs right after we see Bitty and Jack have their first conversation about Bitty making up excuses to his teammates about why he knows so much about the Falconers - aka, the first signs of stress we see in Bitty about hiding his relationship.

A couple updates later begins with Jack opening a PB(ittle)&J sandwich made by yours truly the morning before one of his games. Jack gets injured during his game, and Bitty decides he will never again use the dastardly Pluot Jam again.

I was curious if this jam was indeed the betraying Judy’s Jam we’d heard so much about. After some extensive, thorough research into Ngozi’s blog updates, I made the discovery that Bitty had long since abandoned the Suzanne-Bittle-Jam-Heritage, and has crossed over into Aunt-Judy-Jam territory by this point in time. 

This raises the question: when did Bittle first decide to try a new recipe? And that particular recipe? A forbidden one? What called him to it? Surely, such preservation treason would not come without reason. We may never know, but intriguing to speculate about, nonetheless. 

In any case, it seems suggested that jam has the power to incur major life events. Pluot Jam = bad, Apricot Spread = Good Defense. Interesting.

After this, we go a few updates that are, tragically, jam-less. Bitty’s stresses of hiding his relationship from the Haus comes to a head, we get the Hi, Honey voicemail and phone call and Jack’s 5AM rain-soaked impromtou visit to the Haus, and Bitty and Jack decide to come to a compromise by coming out to Bitty’s teammates, and also to Jack’s parents. 

Things are also going well for the both of them hockey-wise. A couple updates later Jack even goes on to tell George and a few of his own teammates.

But fear not! The jam makes a triumphant surprise reappearance in the update where Nursey and Dex get their King Solomon-style dibs. In this update, it is revealed to us that not only is Bitty following her jam recipes, but also her sterilization techniques. You’re playing a dangerous game here, Mr. Bittle.

Nothing too significant happens with regards to Bitty’s life in that update but...

The previous update just so happens to be followed by the one where Bitty meets Jack’s teammates and their significant others. Another big step towards coming out in their relationship. Another step Bitty takes in becoming more comfortable with himself as Jack’s boyfriend. 

Interestingly enough, in that same update we get a flashback to the moment where Jack introduces the fact that he has a boyfriend to the rest of his team ... with none other than, you guessed it, Bitty’s PB&J, made with the one and only life-changing jam, a la Aunt Judy.

This is followed by one of the last updates for Bitty’s junior year, where Samwell doesn’t make it past the first round in playoffs. Stresses are running at an all-time high for Bitty, what with not making it into the playoffs, stressing about Jack’s playoffs too, still not having told his parents about Jack, still not having told his parents about his summer plans with Jack, probably not doing so well in school because he’d rather bake, and on top of it all, having all the seniors - the last people in the Haus that have been by Bitty’s side since his first year at Samwell - all graduating ... Bitty gets himself into a bit of a jam, to put it into his own words.

At the end of that same update, Jack visits Samwell, and Tater comes along, too. Tater posts a few nice pictures on social media from his visit. 

I quite enjoy this one, with the transgressing jam jars in full and open display, WITH credit to its truthful owner (thank god Suzanne doesn’t check Tater’s social media regularly) while a familiar blonde head, conveniently, is just out of the shot. 

BUT!!!!!! It does not end there. 

In the words of Her Majesty Ngozi in that update’s blog notes:

She’s been hinting at this jam thing all along, y’all.

Judy comes up in the comics once more (sans-jam), but coincidentally, it just so happens to be in the same comic where Bitty has a harrowing phone call with his mother and tells her about his plans to stay with Jack for the summer. He also tries to tell her about his relationship, but the words don’t make it out in the end.

Now, here’s where things get even more interesting. The next update is dedicated to Jack’s team advancing in the playoffs. The update that follows is the Center Ice update, in which Jack’s team finally wins the cup starts off with a flashback to a scene where Bitty makes Jack a PB&J sandwich. 

Not just any PB&J sandwich, but the very first time he made a pre-game PB(etrayal)&J(udy’s Jam)’s for Jack, as a matter of fact. Just like his mama used to make them! 

(well, just like his mama used to make them....except for one (jam) tiny (jam) little (jam) thing (jam) )

Lots of Big, Life-Changing things happen in this update. 

We see Bitty give the first pre-game good-luck PB&J to Jack (it’s assumed after this he makes one for Jack before every game he’s able to be there for), and Jack says he loves Bitty for the first time.

And this scene, as well all know, is followed by the iconic, heart-stopping scene where the Falconers win, and Bitty and Jack say up yours to all the haters and have their happy-place kiss right on Center Ice. And I’m pretty sure Jack definitely had a good-luck sandwich from his boyfriend before the game, too.

(Still don’t think Judy’s jam has magical, life-event-incurring, transformative properties y’all?)

Now, as hockey starts fading out, we go through a couple jam-less updates. But lots of things still happen! Bitty comes out to his mother over an emotional phone-call, and firmly tells her that he isn’t coming home that summer. 

The next update starts with one of Bitty’s blog updates. And along with him making most of his social media private, and right before he takes a social media hiatus -- the jam feud makes a reappearance.

(on that note - part EIGHT???????????????)

After that, we have a lack of jam in the next few updates. 

What’s worth noting, however, is that in those same few jam-less updates, Bitty starts his senior year as captain of the Samwell Men’s Hockey team, and is officially out and open to the world about his relationship with Jack (enough to speak about it in his vlogs, too)! He’s also not taking the role of captain lightly - he’s confident, and he’s rising to the challenge that a position like that calls for, he’s reaching out to other sports captains at the school, and he’s not scared to boss around a bunch of jocks. In other words, he’s finally growing into himself more and more as a captain, as a person, and as Eric fuckin’ Richard Bittle. 

Things are going well for Bitty. And then, right when an unexpected visitor brings things to a screeching halt and forces Bitty to deal with his problems (and stop avoiding them) a little sooner than expected - while the treasonous jam itself does not make an appearance, a certain aunt does:

Of course, it’s up to your interpretation if the Aunt-sighting right when Bitty’s father makes a visit, right before Bitty gets checked in the following game in the same update, is nothing but a coincidence, but.............it just makes sense, y’all.

Now, we’re approaching the final showdown. A jam-down, if you will. 

(No? I know. I’m sorry. I know that was bad. I’m tired. It’s past midnight here. Just hang in there. We’re close to the end.)

Bitty finally talks it out with Coach, and Coach tells him that he is good. After this, there’s only one person left that Bitty has yet to completely speak frankly and resolve things with, and that just so happens to be the same person from whom he’s hiding this whole Great Jam Debacle secret from in the first place. 

Mama Bittle.

And sure enough, the next time (and final? yet to be seen!) the jam makes an appearance, is right after Mrs. Bittle tells Bitty that she’ll love him no matter what and no matter who he brings home, and that he’ll always have a home to come back to. Bitty clearly feels relieved and happy by her words ... but there’s still one last thing left for him to be honest about.

And she takes it well.

Just to top it off, in the words of The Great One, Ngozi Ukazu, in that week’s blog update:

She also said in the same blog update:

I hope I am doing this a vague, partial semblance of justice, Ngozi. 

(Also, thank you for saying that there is indeed a full explanation behind it and for making me feel less crazy for spending 4 hours finding metaphors in things like curtains)

Anyways - last but definitely not least, in the next update, Bitty finally takes a moment to be truthful by admitting to himself to Jack about how he has no idea what he’s going to do after graduation, and how that’s worrying him. And by voicing those fears aloud, he is finally forcing himself to be honest to himself, and talk about something he’s probably been avoiding thinking about. 

And what do you know, in the same update, we get to witness the actual woman in the flesh, the Founding Father of The Judy Jam, the Transgressing Preservative Contender - Judith Phelps.

And that, folks, brings us to the end of this scintillating journey. (for now, anyway. who knows what other chaos-unfolding jellyroll or johnnycake recipes Judy has under her sleeve. bitty’s still got to properly finish his thesis. keep an eye out for a potential part 2). 

Thanks for taking the time to hear me extensively ramble at length about preservation heretics and their subsequent parallels to the triumphs and defeats, the epic highs and lows of Collegiate Level Ice Hockey Bitty’s journey in opening up to those around him, while also being true to himself. Hope you had a good time. If you didn’t see the parallels, that’s fine too. If there’s one thing you should take away from this, it is that Jam is not to be taken lightly. It has life-changing properties.

I should probably spellcheck and edit this before posting, but it’s 2:57 in the morning, I think I hear birds chirping, and writing this has made me REALLY crave a PB&J sandwich with some honest-to-god real jam, so I think I might make one right now. Maybe also find a grocery store that’s open 24 hours.

Any errors or confusion you may have come across in this post can be blamed on jam. 

[love-jesus-but-i-drink-a-little]

Hi, I’m not the anon that sent you that message, and I think it was kinda crappy how they did it. I hope you don’t feel too bad about it because we know that you obviously weren’t out to “steal” anyone’s ideas or drawings. Creative people are inspired by other creative people ALL THE TIME, so it’s not uncommon to pay homage to someone else’s work. Please, just ignore all the haters and keep up with your lovely art. The rest of us truly appreciate your work and are thankful for it. Have a good day, just thought you should know this. 😊

Hey :)

Tbh, i was nursing a wounded pride for a whole day. I'm an artist, by some measure, and as one i am easy to wound. I'm very proud of my work, and i am very touchy to hateful comments regarding the things i know to be good, even if slightly askew.

There are so many artists out there, amazing and inspiring which i deeply appreciate. Am i looking at their works and taking bits and pieces into mine? Of course i do. Am i specifically searching how different artist make different things? Watch their tutorials? Absolutly. This is what artists do. I look and i analise and if i like something and think it is within reach of my own limited talent, i absorb it.

I do this with my digital art. I do this with my tattoos. I am constantly looking to improve my technique, especially since i don't have any. I'm a self taught artist. I've never taken any lessons. Never had formal education. The best i have is brilliant artist on the internet, willing to share their art. In a way, i'm a sponge. And i like it.

It was slightly hurtful being accused of stealing art. It always is. But i can't account for anyone on the internet, and i knew that as more and more people will be exposed to stuff i make, it will also probably attract hate. I have never been popular enough to attract hate, or accusations of any kind, so i'm embrassing this experience with as much grace as i've got :)

Thank you so much for your message. It brightened my day! It was kind and exactly what i needed ❤

[kihyunswrath]

@all kpop fandoms in this shithole of a website

ugh my wrath for this entire MX situation is growing again especially after seeing this one fucking shitbitch twitter account going way overboard with their attempts to bully Wonho and what she said is absolutely irrelevant and I’m not about to bring that up now, but let’s just say this.

I am absolutely done with y’all. 

I’m not ok with this silence from Starship, this lying and covering things up, this forcing MX members to continue without breaks, this absolutely insane spineless cowardice Starship has been practicing, but at LEAST some of those things are kind of written into their work contracts and are indeed tied to legal stuff, WHEREAS.

WHEREAS other groups’ “fans” who are literally having fun at the expense of idols who are suffering unfairly, just because they now have one “threat” less to their own group’s success, was totally voluntary? THAT QUITE LITERALLY WAS AN EXTRA USELESS EFFORT YOU FOR CERTAIN DID NOT EVEN GET PAID FOR?

fuck that. your own favourite oppas absolutely loathe you all and probably hope they could smear pig shit on your disgusting faces and then walk all over you BECAUSE THEY KNOW THIS COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO THEM TOO. are you literally THAT deep in your own stinky asshole to even notice that whatever happens to one group happens basically to ALL of them? 

there’s not a single group out there, not even fucking angelic idol lords BTS, Exo and others who are doing good at the moment, who’s safe from being treated unfairly and inhumanely by their company or their worst bullies and haters. and the same goes to literally ANY and EVERY group that’s currently active or has ever been active. with 99% chance every single idol is suffering from mental illnesses, physical injuries, sleep deprivation, malnutrition and literal PTSD and if they don’t realize it now, they will after they’re done with their careers. AND I AM NOT FUCKING JOKING OR EXAGGERATING HERE, not in the slightest.  

this entire movement for Wonho became so huge at first precisely BECAUSE most of us do love and have loved other groups too and we have ALL seen so much suffering going on in the industry. we hoped our voices could finally bring some reason to it, that since we are the paying customers, we might try to show kpop companies and obviously Starship we are tired of this conservative, capitalist slave trade fuckery and that we are ready to fund better ways to manage things THE SECOND THE COMPANIES REALIZE THAT. this movement became so huge because we KNEW Wonho has been one of the kindest, friendliest and warm-hearted people to ever exist and now that we saw things happening to him, it for fucking certain means absolutely no one is safe. 

if you genuinely love and care for your own idols, whoever they may be, for fuck’s sake DO NOT BE SO NAIVE THAT YOU THINK your idols are somehow immune to being hurt. do not think they can’t be attacked and destroyed by literally anyone who just wants that hard enough. do not think your idols are not already scared shitless that this happens to them. do not think your idols are not already mourning for other friends and colleagues they lost, whose dreams got crushed, who disappeared into nothigness, who got punished for mundane bullshit every single person in this wretched fucking planet is guilty of. 

if you do not want to change your idols’ lives for the better, if you don’t want to advocate for better times, if you think bullying other idols is somehow helping your own favourite group become bigger THE ABSOLUTE LEAST THING YOU SHOULD REALIZE IS THIS: the only one you truly hurt with that is that group you’re rooting for. you may make other fans pissed off and that may satisfy you now, but i know that your short-sighted ass haven’t thought things through, so let me put it out there clear as crystal for you:

one day it’s your fav oppa/eonni who gets attacked, silenced, shunned, beaten up, paid less than what he/she deserved, taken down from his/her pedestal. it might drive him/her into madness, it might cause him/her to want to hurt himself/herself. and you will feel helpless, especially because there isn’t many to join to fight alongside you, because there isn’t anyone left who truly feels empathetic for you. 

that day does come, because this industry doesn’t give two shits about their idols, and every idol, if nothing else happens to them before, has an expiration date. and if not before, at least right after that they’re treated like absolute trash.

also maybe you haven’t educated yourself about absolutely anything ever, but no matter all the apparent competition you see happening in the kpop industry, it’s all a facade. all the people who actually gain money out of the industry are in the same fucking boat. that boat tries to present the economy, politics and culture of South Korea under a positive light, that boat is making anything Korean into a brand you’d want to keep supporting without thinking what lies underneath. the kpop groups fighting against each other is an illusion, because they are ALL playing the SAME FUCKING GAME. their companies. are. one. and. the. same. capitalist. force. 

so maybe think again before you start making bloody wars about which idol group is better than all the others. that’s ridiculously naive and plays straight into their hands.

now if you’re one of those people this post is actually talking about, hurry back to your tumblr and twitter and wherever and remove those “jokes” you made about other idol groups, those witty remarks you wrote, those edgelord insults you came up with and maybe, at the end, for fuck’s sake, stop pretending you truly care about absolutely anyone but yourself. stop pretending you’re a fan of absolutely anybody. just. full stop. 

[lady-indiana]

Practice Challenge {pt. 2}

Read PART 1

Part 2

An hour after I had heard the news, I was driving through the streets of downtown Lauderdale.

My hands were clutched tightly to the wheel as I turned into the library on the west side of town. This library, once surrounded by overgrown grass and falling apart at the edges, was now the nicest building on this side of town. 

It had a parking lot, even though most of the people and children who used it didn’t own cars. It was made of bricks, some discolored from the repairs done in the past year. 

On the pathway leading up, there were cute little signs with frogs and bunnies that said sayings like “reading is FUN!” and “Reading takes you on adventures!”

I parked the car, taking the keys out of the ignition and walked up the path to the door. In the entrance of the library, there was a little foyer with more posters and signs with positive sayings and quotes. 

To the left, there was a pinboard displaying different activities and demonstrations they were holding. I walked down the hallway, heading into the main room, and looked around. I spun slowly, gazing up at the Illéa approved books that lined the shelves.

In the corner of the room, there was a line of new computers.

I thought back to my childhood when this little building was a refuge for all of the other homeless kids I ran around with. We were all in the lower castes, and this library was open to the public, specifically the lower castes. Now, there were almost triple the books they had back then. There also used to be only one old computer.

And when I finally took control of it over some kid was playing an online game that took forever, it was where I edited my first short film at the age of thirteen. The short film that changed my life.

I was spooked by a voice, “Oh! Indie!”

Meredith, the 70-year-old something woman who had been running the library as a volunteer for as long as I knew came out from her office. She was a sweet woman, who cared a lot about education and creativity and making the world a better place. I really liked Meredith.

“Hi Meredith,” I said, smiling in her direction.

“I can’t believe it! I really can’t believe it, Indie! You’re one of the Selected!”

I giggled, watching her get all excited.

“I know, I really can’t believe it either.”

I looked down, sudden feeling… embarrassed, overwhelmed, unworthy?

“Oh, sweetie, you will be great. The prince is going to love you! I just know it!”

I chuckled softly at her optimism. 

“Just to think,” Meredith continued. “Almost ten years ago you were hanging out here, trying to run complex editing software on that old dinosaur of a computer, and now you are about to head off to the palace!”

I looked around at the place, smiling contently. “It is amazing, isn’t it?”

“You deserve it, sweetie.”

“Thanks,” I responded, though I wasn’t sure if I believed her. “I just wanted to come by, and ask if you and the library will be alright while I’m on gone. If there’s anything you need before I go, let me know, and I’ll make sure it gets done. I’m not sure how much communication I’ll have access to while I’m there.”

“Oh, honey, you’ve already done enough. Look at this place! Look at everything you’ve already done to make it better!” she said, gesturing around at the room.

“I just want to make sure,” I said, smiling kindly.

“Well, the only thing I can think of is that we’ll have to postpone the camera seminar that you were supposed to teach. That’s no problem though! I’d teach it myself, but you know I don’t know how to work technology to save my life.”

“Maybe I can see if I can get one of my friends from Angeles to fly in and teach it. I know a lot of the kids were looking forward to it.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. I’m sure you are going to be busy in the next few days.”

“It’s the least I can do.”

“Really, sweetie, I want you to focus on yourself. This is a big opportunity. If anyone could be our future princess, I’d want it to be you.”

I sighed, grabbing Meredith’s hands in thanks.

“Well, then,” I said. “If you do need anything… repairs, books, lunch for the kids... put in on my tab.”

Meredith smiled, pulling me in for a hug that I reciprocated. “We will be fine. Have a great time, kiddo.”

I smiled, stepping back and looking around the room again. Finally, I waved goodbye and headed back out to my car, so I could go home and get ready for my life to change. Again.

---

I arrived to the airport early. It was a habit, really. Engrained in me from day one on my film internship when I was younger: Being early is being on time. And being on time shows that you care.

The plane was much like one I had flown in several times. Private planes were always rented out by the studios when we had to travel cross country for a shoot, so it was nothing new.

The leather seats, however, were surprisingly soft, and I placed my carry on bag in one of the overhead bins.

I knew there were supposed to be three other girls joining me for the flight. They were all from different provinces and were also selected. I had done minimal research on each of the girls, not because I didn’t want to know, but because I didn’t want to psych myself out. 

When I researched something, I researched it intensely. I wrote notes all over, I made webs, I scribbled one-liners-- another habit I had developed from filmmaking. So, instead, I opted for just looking at their names and faces and provinces. Though, there were too many to remember for now.

My leg shook as I waited for the others to arrive. Suddenly, I was regretting my no-research strategy. I was going in blind, and I had no idea if I would even get along with any of these girls. What if they thought I was pretentious because I am two? What if they hate my movies?

Not a real concern, but I had seen some nasty haters before.

Just then, a girl walked onto the plane. Her golden hair made her shine in the sunlight, and she smiled brightly.

“Hi! I’m Evalin!” she said, walking further onto the plane.

I smiled back, happy that so far, Evalin seemed very kind. “Hi Evalin! I’m Indie.”

She sat down in the chair across the aisle from me, and turned so she was facing me. 

“It’s nice to meet you!” she said. “You’re from Clermont, right?”

Clearly, Evalin was more researched than I was. I only had to remember three other girls and their provinces for this plane ride and was already drawing a blank. I suddenly felt dumb.

“Yes! I am... and you're from... remind me again?” I responded, smiling sheepishly.

Evalin, cool as ever while smoothing out her skirt said, “Carolina. You’re a movie director, right?”

So, she knew me knew me.

I tried to give a kind smile, hoping to come off as humble but I worried about failing. “I am. What is your profession?”

“I’m still in college, but I’m studying biology.”

College. I thought that was pretty cool. It had always seemed like an interesting path, but by the time I graduated high school, I was already in the film industry and no one thought I needed to pursue a degree. I guess they were right because a year later, I was nominated for an Illéan Oscar Award.

“Oh wow,” I said. “That's really cool. I could never do science.”

It was true, science was a nightmare in school. That, and math. 

“Thanks! It’s second nature for me, really. I grew up around it,” she said, smiling sheepishly. “I think it’s really cool what you do, though! I’ve never had that kind of artistic vision!”

Evalin, though going into a field much different than mine, was clearly just as passionate as I was. She was sweet, and I was really liking her so far. I hoped that she liked me too.

“Aw, thank you. It's the only thing I could ever do, and I'm glad. I truly love it. The profession saved me in a way.”

Another truth. Without film, I would be nothing. 

“That’s amazing!! That kind of passion is very admirable!”

I grinned, feeling great and confident now that I had one good interaction under the belt. Besides, this type of conversation I was used to. The film industry was all about networking after all. And passion pays off. It’s easy to talk about one’s passions and Evalin and I were both clearly passionate.

Suddenly, I glanced over at the digital clock on the wall of the plane. The schedule had said the plane would be leaving in a few minutes. We were still missing two girls.

“We are still waiting on two more right?” I asked. “The plane is supposed to leave soon.”

Evalin looked over her shoulder out of her window. “Looks like one is coming now!”

Just as she said that, a girl came rushing into the plane. She was distracted, glancing back over her shoulder ever few moments with a stare of curiosity. 

“Sorry, sorry, my parents kept saying goodbye,” she explained, but then, she turned, smiling. “Idalia Moretti. What about you guys?”

She walked over to an empty seat and plopped down. I couldn’t help but stare at her amused. She was a chaotic force but still seemed like she was excited and nervous. She reminded me of the interns on a film set.

Evalin responded first. “Evalin Berg. It’s nice to meet you!”

I responded right after. “Hi! I'm Indie!”

Just then, the last girl entered. Her name, I actually remembered. Shala Lie. She had headphones in and stared at the ground, ignoring all of us. She sat far away, and stared at the window. We all watched for a second, before turning back to one another.

“Are you guys excited?” I asked, grinning.

“Very! A little nervous too, though. What about you?” Evalin said.

Idalia then added, “It should be an interesting day. Tomorrow is when I’ll be nervous. Or... I guess whenever we meet the prince.”

I nodded, agreeing with both of them.

“I'm definitely a little bit of both excited and nervous. But, you're right. Tomorrow is when things get really real.”

“True. Today is just makeovers and getting settled in, right?” Evalin commented, wincing slightly as if she was embarrassed she didn’t know. “Sorry, this whole thing has been a bit of a whirlwind. It’s kind of hard to keep track of all the details.”

She didn’t need to feel bad. The only reason I knew is because I had studied the schedule like a call sheet.

“Yeah, I think so,” I supplied. “I'm sure there will be people telling us what to do, and where to go. I wouldn't worry too much.”

In a way, I realized that this Selection wouldn’t be all that different from a film set. There would almost always be a plan, a place for us to go, expectations to be met, and a hierarchy to listen to.

“It’s kind of weird, being thrown into the spotlight like this!” Evalin pointed out. “Do any of you know any of the other girls? I’ve only gotten tidbits of information that my sister has dug up.”

I did know one of the girls. Emily Rose White. She had acted in a couple of my movies. She was really sweet, and I wondered when I would see her when we got to Angeles.

“Yeah, I just know the details because I have a friend obsessed with this stuff. She sent me a PowerPoint of ‘the most important things to know’ on everything and everyone,” Idalia said.

“I know one of the girls, Emily. She's acted in a few of my movies. And I know some of the other actors just from the industry talk and stuff,” I admitted. “A Powerpoint? That's iconic.”

It was. I found it highly amusing, and I couldn’t help but smirk at the idea.

“Oh wow!” Evalin responded, laughing nervously. “Dare I ask what it said about us?”

“Oh, Evalin... never read the reviews,” I joked, chuckling softly.

Though, I’m not sure Evalin understood I was joking because her face flushed, and she laughed nervously as she said, “Ah sorry! I’m used to my work being peer-reviewed.”

Idalia laughed slightly at the interaction before stepping in and looking at me. “She is iconic like that. She liked your last by the way. It was in her PowerPoint.”

“Oh, really? That's sweet!” I responded. Though, it was probably hypocritical considering the joke I just told.

It was just nice to know that people didn’t hate my movies.

“I’m pretty sure your slide just said, ‘bio smart but I have no idea what any of her work says,’” Idalia continued, looking at Evalin.

Evalin blushed even more. “Ah, I haven’t really done anything of note. I held a research position under my genetics professor last semester, but it was mostly just me using a microscope.”

That sounded so cool, I thought. So important. Evalin must be really smart.

“That sounds way more intelligent than anything I've done so... kudos to you,” I applauded her.

She was so shy about her work. I wanted her to know she should be proud of it.

“What movies have you directed?” she asked, suddenly turning the conversation around to me.

I blanked for a moment, feeling like a fool, who forgot her own movies.

My brain came back, and I was left listing off a few of my works. “Uh... a few. Some of them you might know are Lady Bird and Little Women. I've also done The Greatest Showman. But, I also direct episodes of TV series sometimes.”

Evalin’s face lit up. “Oh, I loved Little Women! That and Pride and Prejudice are the two movies my sister insists we watch whenever we have a family movie night!”

My heart warmed. To think, my movie, was being played next to the Pride and Prejudice.

I grinned, responding, “Pride and Prejudice is amazing. I'm glad my movie sits along beside it at your family movie nights.”

Idalia returned to the conversation with, “Funny. My house is usually filled with suggestions of Megamind on family night.”

I also gasped out loud, laughing, but I contained it with an amused smiling, responding sarcastically. “Hey, I mean, Megamind... important stuff.”

Evalin asked, “Do you have a lot of siblings, too?”

I replied easily, “No, actually. I don't have any siblings. You?”

I looked to both Evalin and Idalia.

With an amused smile, Idalia said, “I only have a younger brother but Megamind is usually not his idea.” 

I laughed, responding the again sarcastically, “Like I said, Megamind... important stuff.”

“I probably tease him more than he teases me,” Idalia said.

I chuckled again along with Evalin, who said, “I have 3 brothers and a sister. Megamind is a classic.”

Megamind… Megamind was something for sure. I hadn’t seen it in forever, and it was probably on once. 

Instead, I thought more about her four siblings. I couldn’t imagine having even one sibling, let alone four.

“A big family! That must be nice,” I said.

“It is, for the most part, but we can get a little antsy,” Evalin explained. “There’s plenty of teasing and pranks to go around! Having time to yourself must be nice, though!”

I smiled again. 

“Can be. But, at least I get to live vicariously through my characters,” I added whimsically. “Oh, hey, Idalia, we never asked what your profession was. You seem like a prankster, it has to be something interesting.”

She grinned, leaning back in her seat. “Interesting assumption. I fence sabre. Or saber if you want.”

Fencing? Also very cool.

Evalin must’ve also thought it was cool because her eyes lit up and she and Idalia went back and forth for a little. 

“Oh wow, that’s awesome! I thought your name sounded kind of familiar! You fenced in the Olympics, right? My youngest brother had the games on 24/7 when they were being broadcasted!” Evalin said.

At the mention of the Olympics, Idalia brightened. “I did. I’m going again next year. Or at least that’s the plan.”

“Ah, congratulations!” Evalin exclaimed, but then bit her lip nervously. “Are you nervous about the possibility of this selection taking over a year? I know the officials said it shouldn’t, since it should display the Prince’s decisiveness, but I have to wonder how into the Selection he’s going to be, what with his engagement to Evie Waldia being cut off so recently.”

Idalia takes a moment to take that in a looks up at the ceiling, “Time will tell. But I doubt they will say I can’t go. Illéa, like everyone else, sends people that can win. If I‘m still one of the candidates when the time comes, it would be foolish of them to deny my participation.”

So, she was confident then. I didn’t mind that. In fact, I sort of admired it. But, too much confidence can get you into bad places, from what I had seen in the film industry at least. I silently hoped she would be careful.

“That’s true,” Evalin said with a sigh. “It must be so cool, being able to compete for your country like that!”

Finally, I chipped into the conversation. “That really is cool, Idalia. I'm sure you'll get to go. It's probably even better press for Illéa if they send a Selected.”

Evalin nodded, agreeing with me. “That’s a good point! You’d get to be serving the nation in two ways at once!”

Idalia chucked. “I guess that could be said. So we got a film director, bio major, fencer and…,” she trailed off, looking over at Shala. “An unknown.”

Shala was still looking out the window.

I leaned in closer to Evalin and Idalia while looking over at Shala with a slide glance. “Should...should we try to talk to her...or?”

“Shala?” Evalin tried to call out to her. When Shala didn’t respond, Evalin frowned and turned back around. “Maybe she’s just very nervous.”

“Yeah, probably...”

More time passed, and we continued to talking to each other for the whole trip.

I shrugged. “Well, anyway, you girls seem really nice. It's definitely made me feel a lot better about this whole process.”

I truly was happy that this entire conversation had gone well so far. I had no idea if the girls would be at each other’s throats, but these two, Evalin and Idalia, seemed really sweet.

“Likewise,” Evalin responded, smiling. “It’s good to know that we’re not in this alone.”

I nodded and Idalia said, “I’m sure Prince Arin must be having a similar feeling.”

I nodded again, and then grinned, leaning forward.

“Speaking of Prince Arin... thoughts?”

Evalin blushed, “Well, he is quite handsome, don’t you think?”

I smiled, sitting back in my seat. 

“He is quite handsome,” I agreed. “I'm excited to get to know him. Or, at least I hope I get a chance to know him.”

Evalin nodded, “Me too. I’d love to be able to talk to him and get to know him. I’m sure he has lots of interesting stories to tell.”

“Yeah probably. It's just crazy that we are going to be living in the palace of all places,” I said excitedly. “Hanging out with the Prince of all people. Feels like a fever dream.”

Honestly, I felt like I was living in a fairytale. But, then again, I had felt like that for a long time.

“Truly! I never imagined that this is where life would actually take me!” Evalin said, looking out the window. “It looks like we’re about to land!”

I nodded, looking out my own window. We were just barely starting to descend. The city of Angeles glimmered below, a city I was familiar with. A city I lived in most of the time. I had missed it, and it definitely would be weird to not head back to my house, but instead, to the palace.

“Yep. We should keep in touch down there. I think it'll be nice to have some friendly faces around,” I added, trying to come off as genuine.

Because I was, I just wanted to make sure they knew I was.

“Certainly!” both Evalin and Idalia agreed.

We continued to talk as the plane descended, speaking mostly about room arrangements. I was sad to find out that Idalia and Evalin were in the same hall, and I was in another, but I tried to stay positive. That would just mean a better chance of getting to know more people.

“I’ve heard there’s a woman’s room. And also the etiquette lessons,” Idalia said, as we talked about how we would see each other around.

“True! I’m kind of excited for the etiquette lessons. It’ll be nice to learn something different,” Evalin explained.

“Oh it’ll be something for sure,” Idalia responded, clearly amused. “How to be photographed, how to curtsy! Maybe which spoon is for the salad as well.”

I laughed a little, but warned, “Trust me, that’s not the hard stuff. It’s the learning to talk to the press that’s hard.”

That, I definitely knew. After all, I had been given etiquette lessons before-- right after my short film had taken off and I got sponsored to go to a school for threes. And then, my film career had taken off, and I had to learn how to do interviews and walk red carpets and how to be a proper two.

It was exhausting, but I was thankful for it.

“I wonder if they’ll make us learn how to walk with books balanced on our heads,” Evalin added.

I laughed, picturing it in my head. Evalin and Idalia were pretty funny.

“That would be funny to see,” I said.

Not long after that, the plane landed. We were escorted off, and into a limousine. We didn’t talk much during the ride, each of excited and nervous about what lay ahead of us.

As for me, I was happy to be back in Angeles and ready to try my chance at change and love.

[mentions: @evalinkatrineberg​ , @idaliamoretti​ , @emily-rose-white​ ]

[pjstafford]

The Bad Boy/Good Guy public personality dynamic of David Duchovny

Written as a birthday gift (with her blog prompt) for Charmion @grungekid84

Dedication: Charmion and I are of different generations; separated in age by over twenty years. I was the age she is now, about, when the X-files was new and she watched it first as a child. Yet today we share similarities in thoughts related to our celebrity crush. To both Charmion and David Duchovny I say, I hope this blog does the love the justice it deserves.

Why are women 20 to 70 years of age fan girls of the 59 year old David Duchovny? Not simply fans! Fans might watch a movie because an actor is in it. They might rewatch a series a half dozen times. Fan girls like Charmion have an Xfile room and paint pictures. Fan girls like myself write blogs, fan fic and team up with fan girls like Cathy Glinski to present at academic conferences. Why do women who have no other celebrity crushes have this need to celebrate this one celebrity in these ways? It seems significant to me the age range of women who are fan girls. I have stood in an audience surrounded by women barely old enough to meet the 21 age limit who knew every word to each of his songs. I heard one such woman say that this is an experience she would tell her grandchildren about. I, also, know women closer to 70 who have traveled to a meet and greet or comic con because they wanted the opportunity to thank this celebrity for the years of joy. Just today as I start to write this a woman I do not know tweeted @hearteyes4david an open letter to the world with a life wish to meet and thank this man. There are so many of us who just want to say thank you. And I won’t say none of us are not, but most of us are not crazy. We are lobbyists, store managers, attorneys, emergency room nurses, church secretaries of different ages and nationalities, many happily married, most normal women ( and some men). So many of us eager, compelled almost, to meet a single specific man and say thank you.

Some of it, people will say, is lust. Yes, it’s possible that if he was a less attractive man we would wish to thank him in person less. Still, can you truly look at the picture at the end of this blog and say his looks are so much more Adonis like than any other man? To say it’s purely a physical lust for a handsome man is dismissive of the intelligent, thoughtful women so moved to want to thank him.

His talent? “Sweet baby Jesus” he gave us Mulder and if that wasn’t enough, Moody. Whether he is playing a man who has lost his wife in Return to me, a drugged out doctor in Playing God, or a Russian operative determine to see the US nuked in Phantomn he makes every character seem so real that he gets a reputation for only playing himself. He is so good of an actor playing such diverse roles that folks can’t believe is truly acting. Still, I think most of us would just be fans and not fan girls if good looks and talent was all he had going for him

He is multi-talented and many love the rock star with romantic, heart breaking lyrics. For me, as I have often said, he is my favorite living novelist with three novels published and a fourth to come out soon. He writes intelligent, funny, heart breaking novels with an unique style and characters that again seem real (even the talking animals). In a recent interview he said something to the effect that his kids could read these novels and know who he was a man. I think that’s why I love his writing so much is because lyrics or prose they are authentic expressions of an artist’s personality; which brings me to Charmion prompt...the personality of David Duchovny.

I have met the man briefly a handful of times. I like the man I have met, but I can’t pretend to know more anymore than his public persona. I know how he comes across in interviews, what others who know him say about him, and all I can possibly gleam from his public art...from the things he has acted in and from his written art- the XFiles the Unnatural, the movie “House of D”, the novels, the lyrics, the distorted selfies in the mirrors reflections he tweeted when he used to tweet. This is how I know what I know about the man...and the fact that the few times I met him he was soft spoken, polite, humble and kind; taking time to answer my questions intelligently, joke a little and write kind words.

I know he is flawed. It is impossible to be a fan and not know about some of the faults which have been well publicized. As he himself says in my favorite of his songs, “I got skeletons in my closet which time ain’t forgot...”. They will never be forgotten. They will be included 20 or 30 years from now in his obituary. His flawed character is a fact, it has been aired, it is part of who he is.

I have written that what I love best about his writing is the combination of darkness and despair with the lightness of the human spirit and resiliency (mmm...the ability to believe?) rising out of darkness. He writes about the most depressing subjects on earth realistically and the fairy tale quality which rises to fill our hearts, to make us laugh and cry, is as real. It is either or both n amazing technique and/ or a result of a world view. I choose to believe it is the latter.

David Duchovny is no saint, but God Damn, he seems like a remarkably good guy with enough of a bad/boy mischievous side to make his personality as sexy as fucking itself. See how I just got a little different in my language there. David puts fucking in a book title, god damn in a song, gets bleeped on air record breaking number of times. God damn, fuck you if you think this is a man who is afraid to swear. He is not really Fox Freaking Mulder but he is David Fucking Duchovny

He is a good guy. He is intelligent. His ability to reference the high brow literary comes across in all his works. His second album title is from a Shakespeare quote. Walt Whitman shows up throughout his novels (and his dog’s tweets). He is well read, it quite well known. If you don’t get that reference, he would, as a Dylan fan and a fan of many other musical artists. He is also happy to talk about and reference sporting heros.

He is a bad boy. Oh, but the lowbrow humor! Early interviews have fart jokes, bathroom humor. He has a knack for intermixing the profane and profound. His novel, Miss Subways, has the elementary teacher leaving the classroom in tears when an assignment (write a letter to a Shakespeare minor character) results in an innocent boy reading “My dearest Fellatio...”.

He is a good guy. He is a romantic. He gave the XFiles fans the shippy Mulder and Scully baseball scene. He believes in his heart that Californication was at heart a love story. He writes lyrics for his ex wife who loves the rain saying “ It will always be raining in this song.” In his novel are real people having real sex type of scenes...no great erotica with flowing hair and heaving bosoms for this man, but discussion of lights on or off or an older couple off screen and an adult son hearing and embarrassed.

He is a bad boy. The man has no fear of nudity. . In his first movie he was filmed completely naked. In the commentary to the rapture he admits that he told the director he thought the character slept in the nude. (Hence the balls shot). It was his idea to wear the red speedo. He improvised the moonshot in evolution.

He is a good guy. He believes in causes. He volunteers and donates to protect the planet, for animal rights, for music education and for planned parenthood. His was the only story in over 200 XFiles episodes that truly dealt with racial injustice and segregation.

He is a good guy. In House of D the thirteen year old boy’s best friend is a forty year old janitor with special needs. He is a bad boy. That boy and janitor told each other a lot of pee jokes.

I can go on and on and on about the bad boy/good guy public personna of David Duchovny, but I am going to close with a subject that might tempt fate and bring forth the haters. I want to end with thinking about David and women.

In Red Shoes diaries David was in the forefront of the soft porn explosion. In an interview this year Brigitte Bako describes her experience in filming the movie as the “worst experience of my life”; but has nothing but complimentary things to say about David, how sweet and nice he was. They became close friends and she later appeared in an episode of Californication.

In Californication, David was the star of one of the raunchiest series in television history. Tits and ass, fucking and punching. I love the show but it would likely not be made today although, to be fair, it demonstrates women having agency over their sexuality. Nevertheless, actresses who appeared on that show have recently been asked what it was like. Over and over again they talk about how comfortable the environment was and how polite and respectful David was.

Much has been made over Gillian Anderson being paid half of David Duchovny’s salary. This is hardly his fault and something he argued against once he was made aware of it, but, as a fan of the show, I love hearing him talk protectively of Mulder and of wanting to protect that relationship. I love that he was responsible for rewriting an ending to one of seasons 11 episodes which end not with Mulder objectifying Scully and not with him in his under wear, but with Scully opining the door and him standing there. As David said, Scully being in control of her own desires.

Finally in Miss Subways, I find a female character written with such realism and authenticity that I have to go back to the 19th century to find a female literary character so relatable to me. She is a reader, beautiful to some men, a little eccentric in some ways, vulnerable, strong but without a great belief in herself or her talent. She’s just fucking real in a fucking real world despite being in a surrealistic fantasy novel with Irish banshees and African spider goddesses, parallel timelines and phones that can alter reality.

We, the fan girls, love this celebrity, David Duchovny because of his looks, his talent and his personality; because he is a bad boy and a good guy; because he inspires us, because he is flawed as we all are and goes through his life trying to be present in the day. For all the fan women who have yet to meet you, Mr. Duchovny, I say thank you and we love you, until they can meet you and tell you themselves.

Happy Birthday, Charmion. If you should meet him someday when I am not there give him an extra hug for me.

[invokeinspiration]

Reflections on Orthodox Judaism/Hasidic Communities

Like many people during COVID, I am watching a lot of Netflix. I’ve finished the entire Vampire Diaries universe (The Vampire Diaries, The Originals, and Legacies), I’ve also binged on Hannibal (of which I am currently writing a very in-depth fanfic), and I have watched countless fantastic films. I’ve watched Ip Man 1 and 2 and will be watching 3 and 4 soon. I have watched The Lobster, Moonlight, Resident Evil, Adams Family, The Danish Girl, and The Hater. I have watched shows and movies that have made me cry, made me laugh, made me do some research, and made me think about the story and characters long after the end credits. But early into my quarantine period, back before April, I came across a trailer for the show Unorthodox and it began a journey that I’d like to share. 

Unorthodox is an American/German limited series on Netflix that follows the story of a young woman, Esther (Shira Haas), who begins a marriage in a Hasidic Jewish community in Brooklyn. She was a member of the Satmar sect that began with the Hasidic community in Hungary but migrated to New York after WWII. The Satmar sect is characterized as being more strict than the European Hasidic sects with a complete rejection of modern culture, fierce anti-Zionism, and strict adherence to male-only education. The story is based on the true life events of Deborah Feldman’s life depicted in her memoir. When I first saw the trailer, I was uncertain. I actually didn’t immediately watch it but after seeing the preview a few times, I thought to just take a risk and I am certainly glad I did. The visual style of the show was beautiful. There was an authenticity to the show that I was entranced by. I felt like I was truly in a Hasidic family and understanding Hasidic roots and traditions. I love it when good television transports me into a new world and allows me to really see all sides. 

Shira Haas was a breakthrough performer. She had a gentle brokenness that felt pure and raw. As a young woman, Esther wanted to be a part of her community but also felt a deep split emerging between her love for her culture and the desire for something that would break her from those roots. She made an extremely difficult decision by leaving her Hasidic family in Brooklyn for a life of uncertainty in Berlin. It was definitely a tale of an idealistic young woman following her heart, a story that we can all get behind. What was refreshing though, was depicting the reality of the loss of her community. It was never going to be a clean break and I’m glad the show told the difficult story as well as the happy one. 

She wanted to experience individual expression, something that was taboo in her culture where standing out made you troublesome and difficult. When her family told her to stop chasing after her mother that abandoned her for the secular world, she went anyway. When her family told her that her life goal should be to bear children and be a good wife for her community, she decided to chase her dreams of studying music. When she felt trapped in a loveless marriage, she wanted to find a passionate love. Even though she found moments of clarity and happiness, she still felt lost, trapped in between two worlds. The difficult decision of leaving home oftentimes made her feel confused and wanting to go back to the comforts of the only support system she thought she knew. Even though her husband came searching for her, she knew that she couldn’t trust that support system again. She had to create a new one.

As the story continued, not only about Esther but the dynamic characters that surrounded her, I became enveloped in the visceral empathy of their situation. I know that I am not a part of the community, but I could feel the turmoil as they were feeling turmoil. I could feel the frustrations from many sides as though I was feeling them. For example, Esther’s husband Yakov (played by Amit Rahav), was difficult to relate to at the beginning of the show. I know too many men in my personal life that have no interest in being truly sympathetic to women’s needs or follow along with the pressures of society without having enough courage to think for themselves. For the first few episodes, that was Yakov, but as the story continued, I began to see where he was coming from and felt like he was truly a good man. It’s not often that I see a beta male antagonist become a truly developed, sensitive man. It makes me feel hopeful that there may be more intellectual, loving, good men in the Hasidic community. These relationships, including every character’s relationship with God, were complex and ugly at times but it didn’t leave me with a bad taste in my mouth for the community. In fact, it left me curious. I wanted more. 

Netflix came out with a behind the scenes short documentary about the show and there was so much that went into the details of the show that really embodied the community as a whole. The writers and producers wanted to show as much as they could about the Hasidic community. They wanted to maintain respect for the community while also commentating on how the secular world sees it from the outside and how someone like Esther might feel trapped in between. There was still a whole universe I didn’t yet understand.

Since I, unfortunately, don’t have Hasidic friends to talk to about my new obsession for the community, I wanted to watch whatever Netflix had to offer. I came across the documentary, One of Us, which follows three ex-Hasidic Jews who left the community for a variety of reasons. Ari was a young man of about 19 or so who was sexually assaulted during his adolescent years and, after not feeling supported by his community, turned to alcohol and drugs. Etty, after years of suffering domestic violence in her marriage, decided to leave the community which left her in a custody battle of her five children, of which she subsequently lost. The third person, Luzer, decided to leave the community after he felt abandoned when he asked questions about God’s existence. Watching their stories also made me realize another piece to the puzzle of the Hasidic community. When I watched Unorthodox, I felt that it made most sense that women would be the ones to leave the community because they were significantly more oppressed than the men, as in most religious societies. However, after watching One of Us, I realized that men leave too. Men feel abandoned and invisible in the community just as women do. 

There was a point in the documentary where Luzer asked one of his Hasidic friends why the community is this way and his friend responded to say that, “it’s all about the survival of the Jewish community.” Without strict control, the community would fall privy to the secular world and lose its strength over time. It’s clear that the community leaders of the Hasidic community don’t want to lose people to the secular world. It is also clear that a lot of ex-Hasidic individuals miss and love their community, even with its problems and constrictions. I think that if the community wants to prevent more people from leaving, they may have to compromise by providing more support for people. There are times in every pious person’s life where there are doubts about God. For a lot of people, those doubts can be strong. 

For most Jews, there is profound respect for the rabbi and if more rabbis can encourage a more open dialogue about the doubts about God and the community, then perhaps people won't feel so isolated. For men and women suffering from sexual health or marital issues like abuse, there should be a trusted system in place to protect these individuals. It’s not the issues themselves that make people want to leave, it’s the feeling of abandonment of these issues by the entire community that make people feel isolated and wanting out. The specific issues discussed in the documentary may be why I have more specific ideas on how to approach a more progressive Hasidic community. This is what I gather from what I see in both Unorthodox, One of Us, and my own research. 

The end of One of Us left me to be more critical, rather than the appreciative aftertaste I got after watching Unorthodox. I appreciate that every religious community has its own faults, and harshly criticizing it hardly makes sense coming from a non-Jew. So, I return to simple appreciation, observation, and curiosity rather than harsh criticism.

If any individual reading this has any opposition, comment or question about my thought process on this topic, I highly encourage discourse. I love to be re-educated. 

However, my interest in the Hasidic community still has not stopped. It’s not because I am religious, but because I am deeply fascinated by the complicated world of Judaism and of strict religious communities. I also wanted to continue watching some of the more beautiful and interesting traditions that I grew fond to appreciate in Unorthodox. 

Which has led me to a bit of a different kind of show, Shtisel. Shtisel is an Israeli drama television show completely filmed in Yiddish. It’s a fairly recent show, with the first season released in 2013 and it’s newest season greenlit for production at the end of 2020. I’ve just started it but I am hooked. The actress, Shira Haas, who plays Esther in Unorthodox plays one of the supporting character’s daughters in this show.The show follows Akiva Shtisel, the protagonist, a young man who falls for an older, twice widowed woman. Though, his family disapproves, he can’t seem to get her off his mind. There’s lots of additional side stories that make the show interesting and I’m excited that a third season is coming. I’ve just started the show, but right now I am enjoying the story because it’s different than what I’ve seen before. I wanted to see more about the lives of people actually still in the community, rather than those who want to leave or have left. Shtisel is refreshingly different from Unorthodox, in the way that the Hasidic Jews in Shitsel are Israeli, which supposedly implies a more lax community. In some ways, I’ve noticed the changes. I noticed that there are women who work in the Torah schools and men who speak more freely about marrying for love rather than for community pressures, which seems to be different from the Satmar sect. 

I have a lot more I want to see and learn. I have a billion questions to ask about this world and I want to get to know more. I hope that more people become interested, just as I have. I want more people to find a new respect for the Hasidic community, the Jewish faith and of religious groups in general. I think the more we try to learn about each other, the closer we become as people. Sometimes, it isn’t as hard as we make it out to be. All it takes is a little Netflix surfing. 

Shalom.

[dvjjikook]

Why do people hate BTS Jimin?.( A topic that needs to be explained. )

So I thought to create a post about the reasons that made some people to hate Park Jimin, also known as the lead vocalist + dancer of the popular Kpop band BTS. There are plenty of reasons that led some people to hate Jimin and today i thought to explain few of those.

Why do some people hate Park jimin?. Let’s begin.

1. Because he is gorgeous.

Yes, being gorgeous also attracts other’s hate. As far as i know, some fan girls who call themselves ‘armys’ post hate comments about jimin in social media but when someone asks them to stop because it harms jimin’s reputation, they never accept that they did wrong. They just try to get away from the situation while defending themselves.

I have seen a lot of comments about jimin looking feminine. Some people use this one excuse to humiliate him but let me to say this one thing. Looking feminine is not something that you should be ashamed of but using someone’s appearance to bully him/her is something that you should definitely be ashamed of. 

Jimin is not the only one who looks feminine to these people who are from different countries, all around the world. They compare majority of kpop idols to females because they ware makeup.The Korean body type in general is a little bit of skinny and less muscular than the other races. Also average height of korean men is a bit shorter than the other races. Koreans have less facial and body hair than stereo typically other races. So in Korea this is what most of the boys who are in their 20′s look like. Kpop idols also ware makeup and take good care of their skin. They also have to dress well in order to look good when they perform so there is nothing to be surprised of them looking a bit feminine. Even though some guys who are famous for being muscular in south korea are not all ripped or overly muscular. So it’s not wise to label jimin as a feminine boy without getting to know things well.

On the other hand, is that a crime to look feminine?. I had to ask this because some people assumed that jimin is a transgender. Is that one of your business?. It doesn’t matter to us aka his fans since we are here to support him and bts, we are not here to dig into his personal life. Personally i don’t think that he is a transgender because there is no proof. His childhood photos proves that he is a male from birth.

Even though i have explained some things about how is it a normal thing to look a bit feminine in south korea, i like to say this too. If i am being honest, i accept that jimin looks a bit feminine than his fellow band mates. I think that’s because he wears dangling earrings, sparkling necklaces , silver rings and some times even chokers. He posts pictures on twitter with all fluffy hair, pouty lips and wide eyes. He also filters his photos to look more attractive but is that a crime.? He just likes to look beautiful and no one can judge him for doing that. He can do whatever he wants with his life and with his body.

These fan girls who are into their different biases want to find an excuse to throw hate at Park jimin and that’s why they keep using his appearance like this. They are just jealous because he is more good looking than them even though he is a boy.

The simple word’ handsome’ is not worthy to describe jimin neither the word ‘beautiful.’ The most suitable word to describe his amazing looks is the word called ‘gorgeous’. 

2. Because he has a kind heart.

Jimin truly has a kind heart. Most of the armys know this fact. When something bad happens to someone jimin knows, he is the first to get worried. He cares about other’s opinions and their needs individually. When it comes to taking care of his band mates, he is unstoppable. He cares about his band mates so much and he shows it often to the whole world. There is no need to show, his band mates have already accepted that he is the most caring one in their group. When someone from his band gets injured, he is the first to worry. He proceeds to make them happy no matter what. He often tells others to not to worry about him even though he gets hurt some times.

Not only his band mates get to see this emotional side of jimin. He also loves animals a lot. The way he treats to v’s puppy is so amazing. It makes me to think that he will be a great dad in the near future.

Jimin often make donations to educational programs. He helps his school a lot and he is so sweet to his tutors. 

I can’t still believe that a person who is sweet as jimin getting this much hate from some people. so i want to remind this,

People who are heartless can’t stand people who have hearts.

3. Because he is talented.

“Why jimin got selected to bts?”. I saw this comment when i was reading some comments of a jimin fmv. I laughed at the second i finished reading it. This is what called jealousy. When these people see jimin getting popular because of his hard work, they start to talk bad about him instead of genuinely being happy about what he achieves. 

Anyways, i have the answer to this person’s question. 

Jimin got selected to bts just because he is talented enough. I can talk about how talented he is for days, still his list of talents will not end. He is the most talented person i have ever seen if i am being honest. He is a dance god and he proves it every time they perform on stage. Plus he is not a member of the bts dance line if the way he dance is not that good. Him, j hope and jungkook are the ones who help other members when it comes to learning new choreographies. Jin himself admitted that jimin helps him a lot to learn new techniques when it comes to dance.

Also he is a great singer. I don’t have to explain this since practically everyone in this fandom knows this. But i gotta say that he can nail those high notes so well. That’s what most of the people expect from a great singer right?. Also his voice suits him really well. The way he sings can make you feel like you are floating in the air. His voice can make you feel relaxed and calm.

All the members of bts admired the way jimin performs on stage. 

By the way if jimin is not this much talented, bts would never be able to get this much popularity. So people who always find bad about jimin should know that jimin plays an important role in bts.

4. Because he can be both sexy and cute.

People also hate him because he is sexy. He got some nice abs and sexy thighs. Even though he is not that much tall, his body is still perfect. I found him so sexy in blood sweat and tears era. He was just so amazing, he still is. He has this sexy look that can attract both males and females alike.

He is also very cute if you ask me. Especially when he does aegyo. Even the members can’t handle his level of aegyo. Personally i think that he has this natural cuteness and sometimes he behaves like a cute lil kitten. I am so done with this human jimin who can play both cute and sexy roles.

I figured out that some of the shippers who ship different ships label his cute and clingy behavior towards his fellow members as a slutty thing. This is a serious situation. i know that everyone has a right to ship members with each other but no one has the right to call him slutty. He can’t be a slut just because he likes skinship with his band mates. It’s just his nature and he likes to get love and attention from others. if it doesn’t bother his 6 band mates then why does it bother you?.

If you don’t like him, then simply skip his pictures, videos and stuff. if you love your ship, then live with your ship forever even if it’s not real but never try to throw hate at him.

5. Because he is popular.

Yes, No matter how haters try to let him down. There are people who love jimin from the bottom of their hearts. There are people who adore his hard work. There are people who think that he deserves everything he got so far. He got some great friends, got so many fans who love him and adore him. He is indeed lucky. He got the attention of famous american hosts and even khalid likes him. 

but i still think that he deserves more.

He don’t deserve to get a single hate comment according to me because he have done nothing wrong other than giving his best to us, armys.

6. Because BTS loves him.

BTS loves jimin a lot, not only because he is another member but because of his amazing personality. Even though he is not the youngest, they still treat him like that. They all know that jimin has some insecurities due to these hate comments. so they are ready to protect him no matter what.

There are people who are jealous about this too. I have seen the way of some jk biases are complaining about jimin being treated like the youngest. i mean how immature can a person be.?. they are all like an one family, so what if they treat him like the youngest?. jungkook is obviously the youngest but in korea , the youngest one is the one who always acts cute. so they treat him like the youngest sometimes. jungkook himself treats him like that too.

7. Because some people marry his posters.

All of you know this right?. i am not going to add salt to it. No way but there are people who are even ready to marry jimin’s posters. Not all the people and fans are jimin haters. So haters hate him for this too. They are quick to label him as a gay idol just because this man married his posters.

Being gay is not a crime, he can be gay if he wants to. What’s your problem?.

So i wrote this just because i felt like doing so. I did not mean to hurt anyone’s feelings but if someone gets hurt from this post, he or she is a person who hates jimin.

I want you to say this loud with me.

‘Haters gonna hate , players gonna play’

‘live a life man.’

( Thank you RM )

So if you like this post, please leave a comment.