#i am still tired so you go get into symbolism or whatnot if you want to

[zkretchy]

Sometimes you just gotta slam out something quickly in like an hour at 2am to show off what you dreamt about during your nap

[life-rewritten]

WHAT I WANT FROM BLS IN 2021 AKA A LOOK AND DISCUSSION ABOUT HOW TO IMPROVE THE BL GENRE

Hi, Hello; Bls have become incredibly saturated and growing each day, every single day we hear about new projects, new ideas, latest trailers, and it's been so great to see how BL has changed from 2015 to now. It's been a positive upward trajectory; however, again, we have to mention that it's being overfilled and not always with good shows. From the six or more countries that fight to get our energy and time to watch their shows, movies and animations, to the low budget, lazy plots that don't need to be written, Bl can sometimes be a phenomenal experience and incredible stories that make us cry and feel and learn or it can be this flop with no message, no structured plot, stiff acting and more. Am I being harsh? Should we just be okay with the fact there are more BL shows now to binge and to watch? Should we just settle for these bad stories just because there's nothing else available? I don't think so, I think with shows like ITSAY, Cherry Magic, GAYA SA, Bls have the potential to be so prominent, so unique and even beat out other heterosexual shows. So I am here to make a list of what I would like to see in 2021 with these new BL shows. Because it's quality, not quantity we want, we want better stories, better characters, better developments, just better. If we can be better, we can take over a lot of media, and there'd be more representation, education and more for the voices that want to be represented through BLs. Okay so without further or do let's get into it; 

The problem with Skinship

Now I hate to be the one that has to mention this issue, because sometimes in BLs this is not an issue; in fact sometimes some shows have too many kisses/skin ship, that end up making fans bored and frustrated with how much screen time is not being used to tell a great plot. But for me, since I started this journey into this genre, kissing has always been an issue with forced censorship that makes no sense, and stiff actors that clearly aren't comfortable with doing that. To couples that are meant to be so devoted and in love they resort to acting like buddies who can't touch each other to cut scenes and weird camera angles for a scene. Skinship isn't always needed but when a couple is meant to be obsessed with each other or addicted to thinking about touching the other, or there's a build-up of longing, and they're a long term relationship,  passionate couples kissing makes it more believable to me. What's up with this pattern of BLS avoiding kisses; please stop it's irksome I know I sound like a fujoshi but those couples that do this make me want to throw something because they're not believable no matter how much they scream from the top of their lungs,  that they love being with each other, or are attracted to each other, the lack of skinship just makes me get annoyed by it all. I also love shows like Cherry Magic where it's a softer relationship but teasing kisses and then like hiding behind an elevator for the main couple, not cool.

 I'm not going to make it a big deal, but I did feel somehow cheated at the finale of the show because one, in the manga this is not a problem, there is a lot of kisses with Adachi and Kurosawa, two, why would the second lead couple get a kiss scene but then when it comes to the main it's hidden behind an elevator, it's such a cheap way to censor it in my opinion especially since we've been teased about these two's kiss since episode 2/3. I don't need to see Adachi losing his virginity or whatnot, but I was disappointed when the elevator scene happened I was like but why it could have just been a cute kiss scene on the roof. It didn't need to be so covered and hidden. Make it make sense.  

So I don't particularly appreciate being teased by stuff like this, because it's not a sin for two people to show they care about each other like an average couple and kiss. It doesn't make the show not tasteful, or too crass, it just means that the couple are attracted to each other. I don't know, maybe it's just me, perhaps I am a fujoshi, and this is bothering me. But it's seriously to me more than that; there are some shows where this isn't a problem, where we don't need kisses and all that, but there are some where it feels so hypocritical and odd to censor a kiss like it's a sin or something. And with these shows (2gether for example)  it doesn't sit well with me, it really doesn't.  Just my opinion

The Issue With Side couples. 

Side couples need to add something to the show's plot or be balanced: there's the saying too much or too little. And with BLs I have found that the screen time of side couples can ruin or elevate a show. If you can't write a well thought out plot for extra couples, then don't add them. Normally some side couples are written powerfully and interesting as the central couple like Tin and Can from LBC or KingRam from My engineer etc., other times side couples just steal screen time for no reason, we could be using that time to make the other main couple stronger and it would be fine. Not in every BL show, that every single person have to turn out gay in the show, it's not by force. What side couples should do in a show, is add to the structured plot, give information/exposition about the world of the show, the ideas of the show, the themes of the show, they should be just as 3dimensional, just as important and fleshed out as the other characters are otherwise there's no need for them. 

Why R U, for example, had great bases for every side couple but failed due to rushed editing, lazy directing and more to make use of them. At the end of the day, the confusion with the side couples ruined the show and made everyone feel frustrated and tired by how the show was done because it felt unsatisfactory for the other plots of the side couples. An example where a side couple was done right in terms of plot but also didn't have enough coverage was TharnType season 1 with Tum and Tar, their plot was fantastic, essential and necessary to the storyline and it made sense. However, it still left a weird empty feeling because their relationship was still confusing, in LBC 2 we were meant to sort that out and Love by Chance 2 was one of the worst ways side couples are done. 

They used them for product placement (same as TharnType 7 years). Their stories were just repeating the same things we've already seen before, with no effort, no energy, and no direction given to the actors who were working hard to portray these roles. It's frustrating when side couples could be just as great in the show, but they're ruined by bad writing. 

Either have side couples with depth and storytelling that is good or don't add them at all. An example of a show without a side couple is Gaya Sa Pelikula and ITSAY. And you didn't see us moaning or crying about the lack of side couples instead it was praised because every side character had a purpose, a story of their own to tell, and depth to their characters that was needed to get us to the rest of the plot. Everyone had their own important role in the plot, and it was brilliant. So you don't need a show with many couples, you can just focus on one, or if you do have many storylines for couples, please just make it worthwhile. Please? 2021? I'm begging

More unique BLS: 

When we think about plot lines for BLs, we tend to especially in Thailand have one thing in mind which is engineering, medical students, university angst and guys in white t-shirts playing the same role over and over and over again. Don't forget the sotus gear being a symbol of their heart. I find it funny because I don't have a problem with this; if the storyline is unique/addicting enough for me to not focus on the fact it's a university plot. For example, Theory of love, but it is funny that for a very long time BLs have been focused on one type of setting; the university. We had other BLs that came from China, and Taiwan and others that weren't always based on this setting, especially China which has fantasy and more but those ended up being sad, censored or ruined. 

This is the problem. Luckily in 2020/2019, Bls started to want to be different, with new stories based on mafia-like worlds like Trapped, with supernatural storylines like He's coming to me, with the introduction of Korean BLs and Philippine BLs, we're starting to see different tropes soulmate aus, paranormal, fantasy, action, adventure etc. And 2021 already has a line up where most of the storylines veer from this engineering university plot. It's exciting. To think every country is trying to move away from student/ university storylines or give them more depth and change the normal tropes and ideas with them is so exciting and needed. I still love these tropes, but less is more, and a unique plot is even more because it shows BL can be more than just stories, can have depth, can have different versions, and can reach out to a new audience, to other tastes etc. It's been changing, and in 2021 I can't wait to see these new stories come to life. 

It’s Quality not Quantity : 

This is so important, bls are becoming saturated as happy as this makes me; it also suffocated me with bad shows not worth the praise of effort and energy and these aren't put into some shows. In 2020 we got shows like ITSAY where the producers, actors and directors fought and worked so hard to make it happen, they went through obstacles, struggled with days, they pushed through just to make sure ITSAY was created to the best of its ability. This was so incredible, and it made me almost tear up each time I watched the documentaries about how ITSAY came to life.  

Shows like ITSAY and Gaya Sa again that have directors and producers with fixed goals of trying to make a BL show more than just a typical low budget show, putting all their effort, time and ideas to make this mean something is so incredible, so excellent, words can't explain the masterpieces that are created from people who take what they're doing with this genre seriously. And for a long time, we've struggled for people to take this genre seriously, to put in effort and energy to ensure that the story they're telling makes sense, and is done well. 

I'm always harsh because you know sometimes the things needed to make something high quality isn't always available. Some people are genuinely putting everything they can into shows. However I feel like you can tell which shows do that, you can tell when a show is doing all it can to be as great as it possibly could be, for example, the History series; it's a low budget, but it's brilliant, some shows like Love By chance season 2 yes I'm going to keep on calling out this mess, you can tell did not try at all with what they were given, it was a lazy attempt just to feed fan girls and make money. And the thing about things like that is that it's just insulting, to the fans who waited with anticipation only to see the sequel come to life, to the actors who put in the effort and tried to make it be something, it's just disappointing.

 I'm sorry, but like in 2021, we don't want a repeat of that. If you don't want to put in the effort and make something that is high quality despite the low funds or whatever then don't make a show. Other shows are being made and you won't be missed.  Luckily 2021 seems like we will be getting shows of better quality, GMMTV appears like they've invested a lot this year into making BLs be more, we have the incredible Filmania KinnPorsche that is just outstanding for just a 10-minute pilot teaser, we have new channels with budgets and research ready to make new shows like Channel 3, and we have China with new directors wanting to make more danmei donghuas (with incredible quality like TGCF, with excellent live actions like the Untamed) and we have more countries just making good stories and good productions with all they have. So yeah I'm excited to see what shows will be created with this type of energy in 2021.

Let’s make it more risky

So already discussed about unique plotlines and better quality. But one thing as well in the same category as all of these suggestions is BLs being riskier. There are times where BLs try and go overboard and take risks to do new stories that make people uncomfortable, or agitated like Friendzone but the thing is I live for these storylines because it's not just fluffy or tropey stories that are based on novels that need to be told. BL can be so much more. Sometimes bls are stale, and sometimes they try to do riskier messier stories with more depth. And for example, with a company like GMMTV where they have sources and sources of stories they can tell that can be riskier and be different to the pattern they usually follow, we can get such great plots and tales based on new ideas.  I want to see a show like the gifted with bl plotline, the shipper season 2, focused on WayKim,  things without using a book adaptation and without basic plots we needed to settle for. GMMTV is trying to do that now with Not Me coming soon and shows like Friendzone, Baker Boys etc. But I want more riskier stories. Again so that BLs are more than just what they're known for, the same tropes all over and over again, the same ideas and plotlines, but new screenwriters, unique stories not based on books or what's already been made, just new ideas. That's one thing that will pave new ways for BL. Like Give us a historical Thai BL, give us a sageuk Korean show, give us time travelling. I don't know just new ideas, sci-fi, new genres, more psychological thrillers. It could be anything, and it would be so fantastic. Let's see what 2021 offers. 

Let's keep with the PC Energy; 

Shows are being called out for unnecessary toxicity, sexism, bad females that don't get the point that they're beards, problems with non-consent; these need to stop in 2021. I'm not saying we can't have shows that talk about the results and consequences of these kinds of issues, because I find it fascinating when shows take a risk and mention that, like TharnType, but it is 2021 , a new decade, we really need to stop having shows that romanticise topics that aren't okay, emotionally abusive relationships should be seen as emotionally abusive and not praised, character toxicity needs to be called out and shown as that, not as a typical bad boy who needs to be saved trope etc. I don't want to get rid of angsty haters to lovers or flawed characters that need to grow; because those stories are so exciting to watch, and analyse, but don't just add trauma for no reason and not take it seriously, don't just make characters do things without making sure the audience knows this isn't okay. We're getting better, and we're getting more healthier relationships, tropes and conversations, but there's more work to be done in some shows in 2021. Some shows like the shipper in 2020 that had predatory behaviour, incest  (not dealt with properly) which felt like a flashback to the past. 

Longer BLS:

Looking at you Korea, don't mess around you literally can have this genre in your hand,s if you make a worthy production like a typical kdrama it doesn't have to be 16 episodes. Ten is fine, even just 30 minute per episode is okay with us. If you just add more minutes and more depth to the stories, so there are more character flesh outs and more chances for your stories to be developed and not rushed. Then Korean BL will literally take over everything.  There's nothing else to really say, Korea has fantastic plot lines, intriguing characters, fun storylines that make you addicted. Yet, it always feels unsatisfactory and annoying because it's just 10-15 minutes per episode. Make it make sense. I mean there are reasons for it because of budget, and lack of mainstream support but I still think we can just focus on one show, with all the money and effort from the other shows add it to one show, make it long, make it big and create a masterpiece and it will explode. The potential is there, plus with Channels like Channel 3 in Thailand, Bls are really starting to be one hour long and have like 16 or more episodes. That's been a fun journey. But Korea, please join this energy and make more shows that are longer and better. Please??

China it's enough: 

I'm being serious; I don't know how we'll ever pass this problem, but TGCF tried to, and I can see many companies are trying to find a way to overcome this. I know with China it's not fair to demand this it's not a full representation of the Chinese culture or whatever,  but it's irksome; there's a lot of shows that can take our breaths all away in China, so many great shows so please stop ruining that. I'm tired of the PTSD of the shows potentials we lost (The guardian)  because of censorship and other issues, sad forced endings, cutting scenes and deleting episodes like it needs to stop in 2021. Because now, don't pretend that the success of BLs isn't making money and causing the Chinese industry to make more shows like these. But this is my wishful thinking like I said I don't fault writers for trying to be careful with laws, but it is incredibly frustrating when you have a country with the best creativity, storylines, acting etc., and it's ruined by censorship. Let's hope 2021 finds a way to get around this. 

Let the BL animation rain; 2020 saw a remarkable rise to danmei donguas! I'm talking MXTX universe with scum villain, TGCF, Mo dao zu shi and more, so let's keep that energy; what I love about danmei is how unique the plots are we can have transmigration, fantasy, supernatural, mafia etc. it never ends, these stories are incredible, the quality of the animations are so excellent, and the love of the characters always get me. We just need to see more come to life. 

The Brilliance of Meta; 

With ITSAY and Gaya SA and Cherry Magic taking over 2020, meta in BLS have been delicious to watch and analyse, and I want more. This is such a selfish ask, but what can I say, I live for shows filled with meta, with depth, with analysis, with characters that are not just one way on the surface but they tell a different story in subtext. I live for clues, and evidence, and production choices, hidden facial gestures, and objects with meanings;  more symbolisms, more foreshadowings, more dramatic ironies, more character dynamics, more use or other literature/media as bases for the story (like Theory of Love with Flipped and movies). I live for this. It makes a show so much more special and exciting when we're part of the journey; it gives something to do other than just watch the story unfold, we can predict, we can guess, we can analyse, we can just be part of the world of the story and fully understand the message that the writer is trying to tell us. Give us something to look for; clues to watch for, to see where the story is going. Change my mind.  For example with Cherry Magic, the fact that it was already precious and made us smile, was even more enhanced by how relatable it was with the meta, the pain, and the struggles the characters went through was so fascinating to analyse and read into and relate to. That's what I want from more BLs, like it's incredible when any kind of show has meta. I think it's one of the best signs of a great writer and production team. 

More Dimensional Characters; 

Especially villains, we don't want  stale girlfriends who know they're a beard but refuses to let go, we don't want the stale homophobic parent all the time, we don't want the bullies that always try to out people. Give me villains with revenge that makes me question who's in the wrong, reformed villains who become love interests, powerful villains we can't help but hate, but we also love, shocking villains with plot twists we can't see coming (like Lhong from TharnType). Give me depth give me angst, give me plot.

 Villains can make or break a show, they can make the show so exciting and thrilling to watch like we want to see them be discovered or end up where they deserve to go, we like feeling bad for people, and getting to see another side of a villain, we enjoy seeing villains that are different from what we initially thought about them. We like deep villains; we don't always need the same villain, like give us unique ones, give us interesting, weird ones, give us conflicting ones that make us side with them. I want that. Example of a show where there's no actual villain, but they all act like it, is Friendzone and it's so incredible to watch and see how these characters behave, grow, regress etc. I want more characters like this, real, human and makes mistakes. I want more flawed characters with deeper reasons for why they're the way they are. It makes a show very addicting to watch. Maybe that's just me.

The problem with streaming services, YouTube and international fans;

  It's weird international fans need to be taken seriously,  international fans are part of your shows rise to fame, more fame, more success , more projects can be made, and more bls can be seen. Some shows in 2020 lost their chance to shine because of the streaming issues (My engineer), subtitle issues and more. Please stop, please take this into account; try harder, there is always someone internationally willing to help translate or help. Just let us know. Putting shows on Aisplay without subs when you can find a contract that enables you to do so, is a bad move. It's just making you lose because international fans will always find an alternative source to spite you. Like it makes no sense to me, if in 2021 we're still struggling with subs, and where to watch a BL show. It makes no sense because 2020 showed that international fans could break or make a show (2gether) and as much it's privileged for me to say this, international fans should be respected and taken seriously. Luckily Channel 3, GMMTV and others are starting to put more effort into recognising international fans. Finally thank you. Let's see if we improve in 2021. 

This has been a fun rant and discussion to write. I sound so spoilt, and annoying complaining about each of these minor issues, but it really does mean a lot when a BL show tries hard to make their show worth it. Like it might seem like a small issue, with like the skinship, censorship, meta, saturated stories etc., but if BLs just stop focusing on the genre and what other people think this genre should be if people stop focusing on BLs as just BLs and see it as stories of love and representation and more, BLs can be incredible, they can be better than other dramas out there with better budgets, and mainstream support, they can have meaning, and create incredible, incredible one a kind stories. I just want that so badly for this genre. Like I don't want BLs to be seen as just the same tropes, and same issues, and same ideas that we had about them in 2015, we want growth and improvement and effort, this is not just for weird rabid fangirls only, this can be more, it can be for representation, education, for entertainment, and it can be for more people and cause a shift in the media in the world. It really can one day become just as big as many other versions of media like the world of kpop, kdramas etc. in the world.  I don't know, that's what I've always thought it could be. And if that happens, it'll be just a great thing. Anyway Let's defeat 2020, we need to keep this upwards trajectory going, and from the shows coming in 2021, I think it's possible. 

[damnzawa]

A THOUSAND MILES — TOSHINORI YAGI

Whoop whoop, Dad Might in the house! Also this is my first request so I hope I didn't disappoint lmao. Requested by @velkhanaisbae !!

Warning(s): Angst(?), Plus Ultra Fluff i think, also no romance in this, just family love

—

6:50 pm.

He was late.

You sighed as you stared at your watch, waiting for someone you've been wanting to see ever since you've landed in Japan. He promised he'd be there, he even promised he wouldn't be late, but you knew better. You knew, he couldn't even keep his promises to you for even one second but what could you do? You knew his job was far more important than you. You knew, so all you had to do was understand.

Missed your birthday? Understandable, it was just you being one year closer to death anyways. No biggie.

Missed your graduation? It's ok, he saved tons of lives during that time. The graduation ceremony was boring anyway.

Missed the entirety of your whole life? Well, that was something you couldn't live with.

And that is why, you moved to Japan. You hoped that moving to Japan will hopefully erase some of the distance between you and your father. You hoped that moving to Japan will help you learn about each other and bond, you know? Like what fathers and their child typically do. You even hoped he'd come to the surfing spot you've been wanting to go to for ages.

Sighing once again, you hoped he felt the same way.

"Y/n!" A voice called out to you. Quickly recognizing the voice you've been waiting to hear, you turned your head towards the direction where it came from.

And lo and behold, you finally saw the face of your dad.

The (former) number one hero of Japan, and the symbol of peace; Toshinori Yagi, known by everyone as All Might. The fearless hero, the hero everyone-well not everyone-aspired to be.

Smiling, you quickly dragged your luggage as you spotted him in the crowd. He looked thinner than he used to be and that worried you a lot. Was he not taking care of himself? Does he not eat regularly? Oh gosh, you're definitely taking care of him, no doubt. Even if he doesn't want you to.

"Dad!" You exclaimed, tackling him into a hug out of excitement. He stumbled for a bit before quickly regaining his balance and hugging you back. His warmth was very inviting, his hug was as warm as home. In conclusion, the best hug you've gotten. The hug you've been wanting in your whole life.

"I'm sorry I was late, kiddo. Had to take care of some things at U.A." Oh right, he was a teacher now too.

"Don't worry Dad. I don't mind." You flashed him a smile. "So, a teacher huh? You might need a 'Teaching for Dummies 101' book or something. Knowing you Dad, you suck at teaching." You teased him making him scratch the back of his head in embarrassment.

"Wait, don't tell me-"

"I actually got one." He confessed making you burst out laughing. He seriously got one? If that ain't cute, you don't know what is.

"It's ok, dad." You were about to say something when your stomach grumbled making you blush in embarassment.

Now it was your father's turn to chuckle. "Alright kiddo. I know a diner not far away from here." Nodding your head, you let your father drag away your luggage as you two talked throughout the entire way.

—

A few days passed since you landed in Japan, you've been living in your Dad's apartment and let's just say it isn't what you expected.

What you expected was he actually lived in the apartment, but no, apparently kids at U.A. got attacked a lot of times teachers — and students — need to live in dorms for protection and security. You ended up being alone for 5 days.

Thankfully though, weekend is here! Which means, your dad was going home.

Gosh, you've been wanting to take him to the surfing spot for days, and now you finally have the chance!

You packed up everything you guys needed, and a picnic too. You made all the food he said he loved and a few of his favorite desserts too. You hoped he'll like what you planned for the two of you. You also hoped that he'll enjoy and relax for once.

You texted him, asking what time he will come back home as you patiently waited for him. Deciding to watch some silly show to pass the time.

By the time you reached the 3rd episode, you realized that it was nearing noon now and you've completely forgotten about the day you planned with your dad. Immediately grabbing your phone, you smiled when you noticed your dad replied. But the smile quickly faded when you saw his message.

From: Dad Might

To: Y/n

I'm afraid I won't come home today, Kiddo. I'm busy training Young Midoriya this weekend. I hope you'll do fine by yourself! I love you.

You understood, you really do. Hearing how that boy — his successor — broke a lot of bones just by inheriting your Dad's quirk was scary. You didn't even know bones were supposed to repeatedly break like that.

But... deep inside you heart broke.

Deep inside you envied Midoriya and his breaking bome curse. You envied the students at U.A. for having to see your Dad 24/7.

Deep inside, you knew you just had to understand.

Guess, you just had to go there by yourself.

From: Y/n

To: Dad Might

It's ok, Dad! Kick butt out today! Well, preferably not Midoriya's. Love you too.

—

The surfing spot was amazing. The waves were perfect, as well as it's temperature. The place was not crowded too! Just the way you like it. The only problem was... the corals and rocks you seemingly just scrape into everytime which causes a lot of cuts — hopefully not all of them are deep — and bruises. You try your best to keep them from your Dad, not wanting to worry him but with all the bandages, you knew it was hard to keep this a secret.

Little did you know, your father was much more observant than you know. Of course he was. He's a fucking pro-hero. Well retired. But still, he's a hero.

It almost killed him seeing you come home with numerous bandages on different parts of your body. At first, he brushed it off as you being clumsy because he distinctly remember you were such a klutz when you were young. But when the bandages grew in number, he knew something was wrong.

Millions of bad thoughts filled his mind quickly, who has the audacity to do that to his child? To his loved one?

"Y/n, are you ok?" Your father asked while you were preparing dinner. You turned to him, confused as to why he was asking that.

"I'm a-ok, Dad." You sent him a comforting smile before returning your attention to making dinner. "What made you ask?"

"The bandages." Your father simply said, making you freeze. Damn, you knew he would know sooner than later. "Why didn't you tell me, kiddo?"

"I-It's not a big deal, to be honest Dad." You faced him as you replied and you can clearly see the worry in his eyes. "Really. You don't have to worry about me, Dad. I'm an adult now."

"I have to worry about you. You're my kid." He sighed. "Who is it? Who did this to you?"

Wait, what?

Did your Dad think you were being abused?

"No! Dad! It's not like that, I promise!" You replied, waving your arms making an X with them.

"No, Y/n. You can trust me. Who is it?"

"Dad! I promise, it's not like that! I..." You took a deep breath. "I have been going to this surfing spot not far from here every weekend and it's perfect! The only problem is uh... I get cut on corals and rocks and whatnot everytime I surf. It's just me being clumsy, I guess?" You explained then placed your hand on top of his in a comforting manner. "Really, Dad. That's all there is. I'm not being hurt by someone. Plus, if they do, I can protect myself and I guess I have an awesome Dad that can kick their butts too."

"Still, why didn't you tell me Kiddo? I could've help bandaging those or went with you."

"I... you were just so busy all the time I couldn't find the chance to ask you and..." Oh gosh, you could feel the waterworks coming. "...and you just look tired all the time and I don't wanna burden you. Plus, I feel... I feel... like there's a distance between us. I don't know if it's because we've been apart for so long or we just don't click or I don't know but I just feel like you're a thousand miles away from me and I hate that." You started to ugly cry now making your father stand up from his seat and stand infront of you.

"I just... it's just me being silly, I guess. Don't mind me, Dad." You tried to laugh it off and wipe the tears on your face. But everytime you do, new set of tears just cascade down, sobs coming out of your mouth.

"No, no. Kiddo. It's not you being silly... it's me being a bad dad." Your eyes widened at his response but before you could even protest he started talking again. "I never knew you felt those things. I never asked and I never even tried to. I've been a bad dad to you so far. I chose my work over my family and I've been absent in your life. You're not a burden, you never were. You're the greatest thing that ever happened to me and i'm grateful the heavens gave something like you to me. Even though I'm not around often, nor say it often, I love you, Kiddo. Don't you ever forget that." This just made you cry even more. You hugged him tight, never wanting to let go as you realized the distance was erased now. He was no longer a thousand miles away from you, no, he no longer was. Instead, he was standing next to you with that big smile of his.

"I am here, Kiddo. I am here now."

You guys stayed like that for a while, only breaking apart when you realized you both burned your dinner.

"Wanna order pizza instead?"

"You know me so well, Dad."

—

"I can see why you like it here, it's so peaceful and beautiful." Your dad commented as you both reached your destination.

"It is." You replied, making him smile. "Now let's go Dad! Let's hit the waves!" You quickly got your board and ran towards the water making your father chuckle.

"Don't worry, Kiddo. I'm right here beside you."

Oh boy, let's just say your Dad earned more cuts and bruises than you. Who knew someone as mighty as him suck at surfing?

[musicallisto]

without fail tag

THE “WITHOUT FAIL” TAG — List five things that you, WITHOUT FAIL, weave into or explore in your stories, whether it be specific themes or tropes, character archetypes, allusions to other literary works, what have you! It really can be anything that you consistently include in your narratives for whatever reason. Then invite others to share theirs by tagging them!

I was tagged by @deadlymodern - thank you so much for tagging me, this tag is amazing and I loved reading your answers! I can tell you have a very thorough approach to your writing & themes, it’s so cool!

(tagging people at the bottom of the post if you want to skip)

1. flowers, skies & words

grouping them together since they're all related to a wider, general literary device: symbols and allegories in my stories. Without fail, I’ll always use flower symbolism to evoke certain themes, places, characters... withered petals for death, blossoms for youth, you name it, it’s probably been in one of my stories. just consider my main WIP’s title, The Grave of Roses (Le Tombeau des Roses). It’s a little basic, and has been used time and time before in literature, but I still love it.

Other elements that often make it into my stories as symbols are planes (because I love aviation obviously, but also as a symbol of breaking free, independence, of man’s domination on mortality, what with having tamed the skies, but also his frail condition and how everything hangs on a thread). Also, the sky is pretty.

And lastly, words, stories, novels always have their place in my stories, and more often than not one of my characters is a writer, or someone who uses words and stories as some kind of comfort, outlet, or a driving force.

At its [the tombstone] foot, below the name, red roses piled up, enough of them to cover ten graves. A single vermilion bud, a wind-swept poppy, clashed with the rest of the bouquet, and Samuel knew that it was William's children who had placed it there. Only they knew that he didn't even like roses anymore, and that he would come to lay poppies on his father's memorial every time he returned to London...

The tomb was both smaller and prettier than Samuel imagined, less opulent than England would have wanted to give its precious child. The morning sun, like a caress, illuminated the epitaph, a Latin verse that Samuel had known in the past. “Bury me southward,” he heard William say so clearly that he almost turned around, "so that I can look at England and France in the same breath." His name, however, was drenched in full light, facing east, and inexplicably this saddened Samuel.

“And there it is... it's pretty, don't you think? I don't know if he would have liked it... You probably know it better than I do...”

“And why do you care about that, huh? You don't even believe in God.” “He's a writer. He believes in symbols.” “He believes in vanity, alright.”

“I think he would have liked it anyway,” he nodded in agreement, his eyes glued to the lonely poppy. (Translation)

2. parental roughnesses

this was bound to come, because I feel like we were all pretty fucked up at some point in our lives from our upbringing. I didn’t go for straight up “parental issues” because I don’t deal with like, abusive or absent parents or anything, just complicated relationships between parents and their children, but who still love each other. Oftentimes it has to do with one of the children idealizing the heck out of their parent and slowly realizing that they make mistakes and are not a hero at all, and/or unmeetable expectations and parental pressure. but it’s not like I’m projecting or anything lol

“You never knew Father, William,” Grace stopped him immediately [...]. “Don't you dare pretend you know what it's like.”

“Growing up without a father is not necessarily better than losing him in childhood! Everyone here has suffered from his disappearance, Grace. You have no idea how much I miss him, despite never meeting him. But that's all in the past now. And there's no reason for there to be another war.”

“Of course there is!” she retorted ferociously, despite the tears spilling from her eyes. “Of course there is, and they're going to send you there like Father, and you'll want to play hero like Father, and then you'll get shot down like a dog! Where's it going to be this time, huh? Above Luxembourg, just like him, or maybe somewhere in your beloved France?” (Translation)

3. patriotism

One way or another, all my stories always deal with patriotism, nationalism, pride in one’s country and more broadly speaking one’s relationship to it. It questions what it means to belong to a country, to share one culture, one language; does it justify acting in the benefit of one’s country, and where do you draw the line before you intentionnally harm others’; what even is a country, a nationality, and it what sense do you belong to one, and what do you owe it, if you even owe it anything? Is it wrong or right to feel love and attachment to your place of origin? And what does it mean to fight for your country, for its values, for its people? & other things of the like. It probably stems from my own experience as a binational person; growing up, I was always asked stuff like “but who do you root for in a football game” “but are you like really French or not?” “if Spain and France got into a war what would you do?”, and this all lead me to question “am I more French or am I more Spanish - which one am I, and which one would others perceive me to be - do I need to pick a side? And how can I express my affection to these places that raised me both differently, without undermining the other - or others? can I still be proud of my heritage given the horrors my countries have committed in the past?”. I still haven’t found a definitive answer, so my writing is just me throwing trails out to the world and hoping I’ll figure it out someday. that’s why my stories often have a war setting; firstly I just love historical fiction, and secondly it’s the perfect backdrop for all these questions to unfold.

William laughed at the idea - he, a true Frenchman! It was a very silly thought. He may have loved what he had seen of Charlotte's country, but England was not to be ashamed of any other land, for it was the only one he would love until his last breath. (Translation.)

4. just a hint of supernatural

I love me a good ghost story, and I’m a fan of everything spooky, but what’s subtly spooky, and not the gory, in-your-face horror. This particular theme may have increased since I saw The Haunting of Hill House which completely OBLITERATED ME with how it uses the house and its ghosts to tell a story of family and trauma and memories... but I’ve loved ghost stories forever. Another piece that truly resonated with me was One Hundred Years of Solitude (Cien años de soledad) by Gabriel García Márquez. It was my first dive into the world of magical realism and I didn’t make it out of there the same person I was when I entered. This one is not necessarily included in every piece without fail, because some are just too anchored in reality, but if it’s not a straight-up spirit or an otherworldly creature, I’ll always find a way to include an aspect of superstition, a myth, a legend, a tale from faraway that is neither proved nor disproved throughout the story. It truly adds to the atmosphere of the world, even in a very realistic and gritty setting, I believe.

I hear murmurs of legends among the soldiers. [...] One of those stories caught my attention, I must admit... It is not very special, nothing more than a children's tale, but I thought it was beautiful enough to please your Romantic soul. Some pilots speak of a cemetery, somewhere in the countryside north of London, which has something mystical about it, lost in the flowers that sway as far as the eye can see, in the calm rhythm of the wind, wrapped in the heady scent of eternal spring, and where the bravest warriors would go to rest forever, tired of their exploits and the continual explosions. No one knows exactly where it is or what to do to be buried there, but this beautiful image simply floats like a dream in the minds of many and, I confess, in mine as well since I first heard about it.

It is said that there only flowers dare to disturb the heroes in their sleep... This fragment of silence is called the Grave of the Roses.

So if I were to leave you, if you were to hear that I am gone...

With a bit of luck, that is where you will find me.

5. love

this one is broader and less obvious than you might think. Of course, I’ll always, always implement an element of romance to my story (and more often than not it’s angsty with star-crossed lovers or insurmountable obstacles or forbidden romances and whatnot), but there’s more to it. I don’t think I have ever written a story that is entirely grim and bleak, simply because I do not believe the world is built like that. I’ve said time and time again that love is my favorite thing in the world, and I believe it is the force that drives us all forward and connects us all together; love is, to me, the truest power of humanity, and its inherent purpose. And love covers all subjects and all types of relationships, but my absolute favorite ways to explore and show love in my stories is through long-lasting, rock-solid friendships (because friendships are often overlooked both in fiction and real life), and just a grandiose love letter to humanity as a whole. I’m an optimist, and many people who have suffered more than I have would deem me naive for thinking this - and I cannot blame them -, but as Anne Frank put it more bravely than I ever could, “despite everything, I still think humans are good at heart”. My stories are always born out of love and made for love. For the love of humanity and kindness and literature and love of myself, too, because sometimes I just like rereading the words and thinking, “wow, I’ve made it this far. look at me go.” In a word, yes, I would say that is what it boils down to; my work, but also what I hope my entire life and being will be. An ode to love.

“He admired you and truly loved you, you know. You were a good leader, I'm sure, and a good friend, above all.”

He thought she was going to put her hand on his shoulder, and prepared to bend to avoid it, but instead she came to rest on the polished marble of the tomb, which was already beginning to erode at the corners. The soft light bathed her hand, and Samuel's on the other corner, still resting above William's surname, the only thing he had been proud of from beginning to end.

“And I loved him too. I loved them all. If you only knew...”

well, I got carried away, as I always do when talking about my writing, but it made me miss it so much. I haven’t worked on any of my projects since literally October and I’m feeling the void rn. anyway, thank you again for enabling me to ramble about what I love most, Thais! and I’m tagging @softeninglooks, @lxncelot, @myriadimagines​, @swanimagines & @randomfandomimagine + plus any writer who wants to talk about their marvelous work <3

[mymindsmadness]

𝐹𝒶𝓉𝑒 𝐿𝒾𝓃𝑒𝓈

Happy MyTake!Monday all!

This Monday I wanted to share something I’ve been messing around with for a while. Several drafts of this have been sitting in my folder forever. It was something I really liked the concept of, but wasn’t sure I could do justice. As of right now, it’s just a one-shot, but I’ve considered writing more. If I do, it probably won’t be every Monday, just for the simple fact that this took me so long to stop messing with. Either way, Enjoy!

Rating: T (as of right now)

Warnings: I’m very much an American. I try to get a lot of the terminology and whatnot as close as I can to not take people out of it, but nothing is perfect. Also, I suffer from insomnia. It doesn’t sound bad, but a lot of my editing was done under sleep deprivation. 

Notes: If you guys like this, make sure to leave a comment. As I’ve said, this is a one-shot right now. For me to even consider writing more, I’d have to know that people were actually enjoying it!

Summary: When Voldemort killed Harry, it was not Dumbledore he met at King’s Cross, but an angel of fate. Harry threw his fate off course, and she’s not happy about it. There is only one thing to do. Start over. 

Although Harry knew death would come quickly, he hadn’t quite understood it until he was standing in the ghostly version of King’s Cross Station. Was this… heaven? Did wizards even believe in such a thing? It didn’t seem like the heaven Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon went on and on about every Sunday after church. There were no puffy clouds or harps. Most importantly, there were no people. Where were his parents? Where was Sirius or Remus or Tonks? Maybe this was some kind of… purgatory? Harry shuttered at the thought. Had he not done enough? Had he not earned his right to be with them? His whole life he had been nothing but a puppet on a string, dancing by the will of others. In the end his life wasn’t even his, but he sacrificed it anyway. If that hadn’t been enough to re-

His thoughts were cut off by his own (admittedly, embarrassingly high-pitched) scream as he turned to find a woman not much other than himself sitting on one of the pearly benches. She looked serene in this place that wasn’t a place. Her eyes were a haunting silver to match everything else around her, but her hair was a wild nest of black curls. “Didn’t mean to scare you.” He didn’t know why, but he had expected her voice to echo within the not-place.

Nervously, Harry wiped his hands down the front of his trousers. “Err – not your fault I suppose.” He tried for a polite smile, but the twitching of her full lips told him he had failed. “Where are we? It looks like King’s Cross…”

“I suppose it does. Though, I’ve never seen it in person.” She hummed, her expression neutral as she looked around. “I think it’s supposed to be symbolic. Either way it came from your subconscious, so it’s hard to say.” She shrugged and moved to one side, patting the bench beside her.

He hesitated, his nerves from being on the run still frazzled. But what was the worst that could happen? He was already dead after all. Carefully, Harry moved to sit beside the woman. “I’m Harry. Harry Potter.”

Again her lips twitched as those sharp mercury eyes turned to him. “I know who you are, Harry Potter.” She hummed again, taking in his appearance. “I’ve been watching you since you were a baby.”

Many people had watched Harry his whole life, it seemed. Still, a chill of unease worked its way up his spine. “Are you… an angel then?” She certain looked angelic enough, if not for the mass of untamed curls that reminded him slightly (unnervingly) of Bellatrix’s.

“In a sense.” Her tone was light. “I’m a fate weave. One that happens to be in charge of your fate line.” His confusion must have been clear because she continued on. “The Greeks had it right – for the most part. Every person on earth has a fate line. Like… a thread that represents a path. You still have freewill, so sometimes that thread gets knotted. It typically sorts itself out, or it had been. Everyone’s thread is woven together into a… tapestry of sorts.” Standing, she held out her hand a moment before a wall of what appeared to be glowing, golden yarn appeared next to her. He couldn’t see the top, as it faded well above the not-place. The edges stuck out over what would have been the tracks, going on for quite some time. Most of the lines ended before it reached the thin frame that held it in place. It didn’t have a particular pattern, and there were loose ends sticking out in places, but it was… beautiful. Harry could have sworn he heard it humming in the silence of the ghostly King’s Cross. There was something about it that humbled him... made him feel insignificant for the first time in years.

“So that - that’s everyone on earth right now?” He asked, standing slowly. Millions of tiny strands, each practically dancing between several others, humming and pulsing it’s siren’s song. “Their fate lines I mean.”

“This is just a small portion.” Standing on her toes, she pointed to a strand of thread, following it with her finger. “This one is yours.” She came to the first small knot. “This is Ron Weasley’s… and a little further down, Hermione Granger’s.” The bands wove together into an elegant braid, at least, from what Harry could see. “You don’t know how hard it was convincing the fate weaver in charge of her line to keep her out of Ravenclaw. In the end, we knew it was for the greater good.”

Hearing their names hurt. He would never see them again. Here he was learning about their lives - their fates that were changed because of him. Maybe this wasn’t heaven or purgatory. Maybe this was hell. Sure, Harry hadn’t been horrible during his time on earth, but he hadn’t been a saint either. “Why are you telling me these things?” It didn’t seem possible in this not-place, but Harry felt… tired. He had been so tired for so long.

“Because you knotted your line.” The woman’s face had been a mask of calm until that point. At this, she looked distraught. “You really mucked it up, you know! I worked day and night to keep you on track, and then you threw your line off course with a bit of idiocy and panic! Because of that, several others were changed.” She pointed to a few loose ends before landing on a tight knot along his own line.

It wasn’t like the small knots that represented his life with Ron and Hermione. This was a nest of tangles that reminded him very much of that one time his Uncle Vernon made him spend the day unknotting Christmas lights. From the sides of the knot, several edges frayed and stuck out in all directions. Only a handful went on after that. Harry’s, he noticed, did not end. “Those ends… are they…”

“Deaths.” She hummed. “I’m going to get demoted now…” Her tiny tone of distress wasn’t meant for him this time.

“So you’re telling me… it’s all planned? I never had a choice at all, and I would always end up here? Dead?” A weight settled in Harry’s stomach that almost made him feel dizzy. “It wouldn’t have mattered if I fought Voldemort or just enjoyed my time with my mates?”

“Of course it mattered, Harry.” Her voice was gentle, her eyes soft. It was almost worse to be pitied. “Typically fate is set, that much is true. You would have always ended up here, but the journey could have been much better for everyone. You’re the first person I’ve ever met that managed to rewrite the outcome of several lives. In fact, this wasn’t meant to be your last stop at all. You were meant to go back.”

“Cheers.” Harry nearly barked. Of course he was the exception. “If fate is set, I don’t see how I could have rewritten it in the first place.”

“It’s like…” She paused, biting her bottom lip before reaching into her nest of hair and producing a hairpin. “This pin is meant to hit the floor, yeah?” She waited for him to nod. “It’s this pin’s fate to land on the floor. It will do so. I want you to try and rewrite its fate.” She released it.

It was only through war-trained senses and years of playing seeker that Harry was able to reach out and grab the hair hairpin mid-air. Holding it up for her to see, he raised an eyebrow feeling satisfied with himself. “That wasn’t very hard. I’m surprised more people don’t rewrite their fate.”

“But you haven’t rewritten it.” She pointed out, a smug smile lighting her face. “Its fate is the same. You might not put it down now, but I imagine you don’t intend to carry it with you always. Maybe to make a point you would for a while, but sooner or later you’ll forget it. Eventually, it will fulfill its destiny. We can manipulate or alter the roads humans take based on their choices, but the outcome will always be the same… except... in your case.”  

“Look, I’m sorry miss…” He balled his fist around the hairpin, willing it to dig into his skin and take away some of his pain.

“Lyra.” She offered, her eyes moving to his fate line in dismay. “Lyra Black.”

Harry’s anger left him in an instant. “As in the Black family? Sirius Black?” It would make sense, now that Harry thought about it. She had the eyes and hair for it, though she looked younger than Sirius.

“Yes.” She was smiling again now, the tapestry nearly humming in protest as she turned from it. “I was his aunt - or second aunt’s cousin? It’s all terribly confusing when it comes to pureblood lines. I never cared for them. I am sorry about him passing through the veil, love. You’ll be happy to know he talked my ear off about you when he passed through here.” She gave him a small smile. “But where were… ah yes.” She pointed to the beginning of the large, unsightly knot. “Mr. Malfoy.”

Harry was still processing the information about his godfather when she mentioned the name. He scoffed, taking a step back in shock. “Lucius Malfoy screwed up my timeline? I should have known-”

“No, no. Don’t be silly.” She waved him off with her free hand. “Draco Malfoy. You used a spell on him… Sectumsempra. Nasty bit of work. Poor dear.”

“P-Poor dear!?” Harry’s anger returned in a flood. “He was going to crucio me! I’ve been fighting a war while he sat on his arse having tea with the dark lord! I hardly think-“

“Don’t be daft.” He was cut off by the sharpness of her gaze. It was easier to her relation to Bellatrix at that moment. “He was a scared child. Don’t you remember what Voldemort told you when you tried to use the cruciatus curse on Bellatrix? He wasn’t wrong when he said that you have to mean it. I hate to be the one to tell you this, Harry, but Draco wouldn’t have meant it. You weren’t meant to hurt him that day, you were meant to save him. 

“He never wanted anyone’s life on his hands. Why do you think he didn’t give you to Voldemort when he had the chance? Doing so would not only have saved his family, but given them a standing social status in the new world. He chose to save your life instead.”

Harry blinked, his eyes moving back to the tapestry. The gaudy knot stuck out more than anything else. Was it true? Was it all true? Part of Harry wanted to believe that Malfoy had not recognized him that day at the manor, but the larger part knew that he had. “I was meant to… save Malfoy? That’s ridiculous! Dumbledore tried!”

“Well Albus wasn’t meant to save him, now was he? Keep up, Potter!” He couldn’t argue with that. “Because you found that blasted book, everything was thrown off. Several deaths could have been avoided and now- are you alright? You’ve gone a bit green.”

Deaths. More death was on his hands. It had been more than just cutting Malfoy open, which he had already felt terrible about… he had killed people. “I think I need to sit down…” He sunk back into the bench behind him as the tapestry flew upwards and out of sight, making the not-place seem even emptier. “All those people… I could have…” He took a deep, shaky breath.

“You still can.” Harry’s chin jerked upwards to meet Lyra’s determined gaze. Suddenly, she looked a great deal more like Sirius than Bellatrix. “It’s against the rules, you see... There will be some things that you cannot change. And you certainly wouldn’t be able to tell anyone. However… if we can unknot the tapestry, you’ll get the fate you deserve and I won’t get sacked.”

Harry wasn’t sure how an angel could even get sacked, but he imagined it wasn’t pleasant. What did she mean? Did she want him to dabble in bringing the dead back? He had no desire to make Inferi, and he didn’t know of any other way. “I… I won’t bring them back to life.”

“Of course not, Harry.” She rolled her eyes. “But what if you could go back to that moment? What if you could do it all over knowing what you know now?”

In the back of his mind something prickled dangerously. It sounded an awful lot like Hermione warning him not to meddle with time. But what if he could. He would still be a horcux… he would still have to fight… but maybe, with more time, he wouldn’t have to die. Not like this. “Okay… yes. I want to do it over.”

Her smile was cat-like as she placed a hand on his shoulder. “Chin up Harry. You’re going to love where this leads.”

As everything faded to white, the last thing Harry saw was the glint of light off the small black hair pin sitting quietly on the floor... 

 Also being posted to AO3 (in case). You can follow it HERE

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[spacegaywritings]

Nerf gun professionals - chap 2 (final)

I am late and I am so sorry but family things happened (ew). Anyway, I hope you can handle yourself even if you may have to be around invalidating family members. You are valid and you matter.

Summary: Virgil struggles with some stuff as he faces adult life on his own. Work is a pain in the ass but at least his trusty therapist is by his side to support him. Even with nerfing him whenever he is being a bitch about himself.

tumblr: 1 / 2. || ao3: 1 / 2 // all.

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Emile remembered the moment fondly, the moment he had made the acquaintance of the most satisfying method of fixing problems and making progress in life. His hands wrapped around the toy and he knew this would be great, if not for the nostalgia attached to it and the symbolism it carried. It would be great for him and his client.

He pocketed the precious holder of memories and carefully straightened his outer appearance in order to ready himself for his new client. When the time rolled around, his expected guest arrived, early as usual and hunched over as he carefully knocked, skinny knuckles hitting the white and pink door he had between him and the hallway.

“Come in!”, Emile piped up, his words direct. It was the voice of a friend, a really unpredictable friend but in the most admirable sense. Upon his words, the person stuck their head in, a head of blonde poking out of the little space between door and frame as they waited. They stared into the other, eyes timid and focusing on the floor rather than Emile - not longer than for a blink of an eye anyway.

“There you are, little gem! Come in, sit down. This is your appointment after all.”

His left hand accentuated his words as he pointed at a couch opposite his baby pink recliner. Seriously, who the heck had a pink recliner? At least the couch was beige.

When he had started coming to therapy with Emile for the very first time, he had expected more professionalism, more coldness and walls that were distant and closing in on him. Instead, he had been met with a guy collecting pop figures and making cartoon references and puns all the time. It was silly and seemed so ridiculous but still, Virgil appreciated the unconventional form of professionalism he was surrounded with in this area.

Concerning his previous therapists, they never gave him the impression they were just as much of a person as he was. They were usually just these superior people who would tell him he was wrong or unstable and needed to be monitored and whatnot. Well, maybe he did. And even if he did, there were better ways to say it than (figuratively) pointing knives at him and telling him to sit back down when he wanted to leave.

“Hi” Blunt, simple. Virgil.

Emile gave the blonde an affirmative nod. The client carefully rushed over to the couch and curled up on it. He was a precious ball of anxiety and one that Emile admired for trying so hard. The kid did not have an easy life but then again, who did ever really not experience any struggle at all in a world like this?

“Welcome back, Virgil. How has your week been so far?”

It was a Wednesday. Usually, this was the day during which Virgil needed the most amount of emotional catharsis since it was just in the middle of a five-day working week. Several days have hurt him already and tired him out, making him question reality and whether anything was really worth all this fucking bullshit. Then, there were still days ahead of him. Mondays were shit but they were so fresh in the week, it was not needed to really get all therapeutic already and Tuesday was still in his mental capacity to deal with this shit but after Wednesday, the stress and frustration was out of the usual spectrum he could handle without snapping at people around him, even the ones he liked.

Fridays were just the days he needed for a nap and Thursday was basically the stepping stone to Friday so there was the logic in his choice. It was been fascinating to hear the tall gem talk about his intricate rumination about which day was perfect for him to choose for his therapy when he had one in seven to decide on.

Virgil would just tell him that it was him bullshitting through life and making a drama out of every decision he had to make when there was nothing to be concerned about but he still was and it did not make any sense and it was so stupid and stole time and was a waste and he would DIE deliberating all the shit he was too scared to do without thinking about it and then he would already be dead before committing to a decision because he was such a fucking DUMBass, EmiLe!

“Ugh.. Well, bullshit. Everyone is a Karen and getting on my nerves and it sucks but I never complain because it is useless and I am just, ugh.. well yeah, whining and all that shit and I suck anyway. It is stupid to think it matters or to wanna try but it would be nice.” He shrugged, his lips pressed together into a thin line.

Emile nodded sagely, his eyes blinking a quick moment in sympathy. “Ah, Virgil. You are expressing a lot of negativity here.”

The blonde sighed and shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah, I get it”, he started, his words muffled by his hands as he put his face into the grappling apparatuses of his body. He leaned into his own lap and tugged at the hood of his self-made and very much sleeveless hoodie. His shoulders were covered by a thick layer of an older biker-style jacket. “I get it. I do.”

His face rose from the asylum of his powerful hands. It just barely got out of reach and its features already poured down like raindrops in a thunderstorm. “You say we need positivity - I need it or whatever. I bring negativity into the room by talking shit about me and others. I get it, but this is what I do. I don’t say nice shit about me or others or whatever. That is just not me.”

His shoulders flinched in the camera flash of a sudden shrug. “Just.. Just - It is whatever and positivity won’t do shit because I am like a lost cause or something. Ugh, I don’t know. It- it is whatever, yeah.”

Emile’s eyebrows drew together like a bundle of dark clouds accumulating for a horrendous thunderstorm. “Virgil, you might want to rephrase this. You know that you are better than what they make you feel like and if they matter, then so do you and it is important to remind yourself of how much you are worth. Just remember that your words are as significant as everyone else’s. You are not any less than your co-workers and you have done so much in life alrea-”

The addressed client sighed in exasperation and gave Emile a glare, almost as if offended or ready to tackle. The therapist knew better than to feel insulted or personally attacked by the impulsive client. He had learned over some time that Virgil struggled to keep himself together whenever it got slightly emotional for him. He was rather sensitive. Not that Emile minded. It was yet another thing he needed to pay attention to. Virgil was always ready to pounce and while he was not violent towards Emile, we way certainly ready to verbally shoot a full magazine at whoever dared to dip into his issues or trigger his anxiety.

“I know”, he barked at the other and the therapist stopped. His jaw clasped together like a zipper and it stayed shut as Virgil ran a hand through his hair and let the back of his feet move from and against the floor as if to tap a rapid rhythm. If it was one, it would be yet another song featured on his album of personal hell. This one in particular would probably be called “emo nightmare” because feelings were a pain and they made him fidgety. “I know but it does not matter, none of it ever matters” It is all stupid and just shit and and - They don’t care! Why do they not care if I matter so much, Picani! They never even bother to fucking ask about my opinions or my schedules because they do not fucking mind me being a human being. I am nothing to them or anyone.”

He shrugged, his shoulders falling into a slump as he rolled back into the soft island of his safe, beige couch. Ugly but at least a space in which he knew himself to be okay in, a space in which he was certain he was not to be attacked by anyone. Well, anyone but himself. He was a beast. His best and only friend but still his worst judge and enemy at the same time because he committed so many bullshit mistakes of course someone needed to hold him accountable for all these things.

..Sometimes it felt like life was hard enough but his personal anxiety and panic was even harsher with him than this world had already been on him.

He took a deep breath, the oxygen echoing through his body and leaving the fleshy walls of his vessels shake in sudden intrusion. Oh his panic did not like breathing.

Then, for no apparent reason or maybe about every reason there could be, a dull sensation hit his shoulder and his teary eyes ripped their gaze from the nothing that was his life back to reality. Things were slurry to his mind but Emile seemed so clear before him.

Orange, such a fucking stingy and intrusive colour. It was like looking into the sun right after leaving the dark bedroom of safety. Such a fucking colour. It seemed so surreal in the blob of pastels and soft soft colours that Virgil needed to squint at his therapist to make sure he saw what he saw. As in what he saw was actually real, it was there and happening and not some odd thing his anxiety whispered into his memories to mess with his perceptions.

Cognitive distortions or something, had his psychiatrist explained to him. Sometimes he wondered whether Mister Vega was more capable than Picani but he would not run into this place all the time if he found no use in it.

“The.. the fuck?”, he stammered. His mind focused more and more, clearing the blurry veil that seemed to angrily drape itself over his concentration and when it was all crystal clear and safe as day, Virgil identified the orange piece of shit to be a child’s toy.

“Did you shoot me? Did you fucking shoot me, is this what we are going to do now?”

Virgil’s words seemed acidic, being spat out and examined with his hateful gaze that burned in the dark eyes of his eminent self. His voice, however, was still shaky and stumbled as securely as a high teenager when trying to make a snack at 3am without their parents noticing.

Memories and shit.

Emile offered him a smile. That bitch.

Virgil sneered in response but left the other room for speaking so he could explain himself for the audacity he had committed with his unusual actions. Emile was actually not that much of a daredevil but more of the sweet nerdy therapist who still kinda stuck with Virgil enough for the punk to keep him in his life. Partly because he could at least afford it with his insurance.

“Well Virgil, see. You got an issue with negativity and talking yourself down and you find too much comfort in the mentally self-harming behaviour of - if you will - trash-talking all about yourself you seem fitting at the moment.”

The punk blinked and opened his mouth just to, much like a fish, close it again instead of sharing any sounds with the other. Communication was all about listening to and right now, he was not in the mental state to give a comeback to his therapist, oh no. Those words had hit too close to home at this moment.

“We will do something more helpful. While we could have you exercise self-deprecation to your liking, we could work on your language and your thoughts but more important, we have to change your attitude as a start. It will be hard but all is hard in therapy and life and we can do it together.”

Virgil nodded. This sounded more like something he could catch up on at this moment. So.. he talked shit about himself and Emile was tired of his bullshit so he wanted to change his mind rather than his.. his words because one caused the other or whatever. Vega had mentioned something like that before, yeah. Whatever bullshit.

“Uh.. um, yeah.”, Virgil commented carefully. To be honest, his mind was wiped out, it was all blank and for once neither anxiety nor biting sarcasm were there to take the wheel and direct his speech like he would need it. ...He was almost helpless, not knowing how to deal with no voices and no trouble in his mind. The client was immersed in the situation, anxiety turned off. Maybe Emile’s childhood dreams have shot it to death. Served it right, that fucking bitch. It was annoying as hell... Virgil still could not help but will this trash beast a bit. He had given it a name and such and well, it was kind of not so bad.

Was that a bad thing? Emile said it was good to have a connection to his feelings and indentify thoughts and feelings coming from him.

Emile smiled and let the toy drop into his lap, clapping his hands together, he nodded over at the other to resume speaking. “You were saying?” His chin dipped down a bit, angling as if to give Virgil’s a toddler-intended sweet view to his soft, sundrop orbs.

Virgil let his lips divide for a moment, his lower one retreating for his tongue to wet it. He was out of words, out of his mind and all out of clues.

“Uh..I .. I forgot the um.. the question - “, he admitted in a state, somewhere between confusion and the feeling of being lost and dropped right into the ocean.

“You wanted to talk about your time at work and how your week has been so far. Any progress at talking to your co-workers or communicating with the costumers?”

Virgil shrugged, lips pulled into a quirky wave more than anything else. ”Ah, I mean, I guess? The costumers still suck but not all. Just some and the majority is just there. A nice lady told me I did a good job and some pal stood up for me when there was another asshole costumer so I think this is okay.”

He shrugged again, his shoulders flinching upwards as if to prove a point with their jumping. “And the whole co-worker thing.. I mean, they still suck but I care less I guess. I don’t know, really. I just.. Maybe I gave up but it does not bother me too much.”

Picani smiled and nodded again, the gun resting in his lap rather than his hands.

“So you feel less intensely about all these incidents?”

Virgil nodded, his shoulders immediately going up and falling back into place right after. “Yeah but it still hurts and such. But not as much. Maybe it is good? The costumers just get on my nerves but the issues at work kinda still bother me.”

The therapist nodded sagely once more, letting out a thoughtful hum. “You told me you tried talking to them before?”

The therapy session continued with several exchanges like this, the nerf gun being used every now and then, but after the initial outbreak on Virgil’s side, it had been much calmer. It was a peak of feelings and tension - somewhat usual between them but the more they met, the less intense and often they had been. This was what mattered to Virgil. He wanted to stop being so sensitive to everything and panic or snap at all things happening around him, especially people talking to him.

When the ending rolled around, Emile invited a conclusion as always and gave Virgil the usual revelation of trying new things. In a few sessions, Emile would return a special sort of letter Virgil had written about the therapy when they met for the first time. It was a method he used to show his clients how they struggled before and whether they actually felt different from what how they used to be. If they did not feel as if there was any meaningful progress, then he would suggest other therapists and so on or different approaches.

When Virgil got his, he returned the item with a letter of his own. Less about the therapy session but more about addressing his feelings to Emile. The retail worker took a break from seeing Emile for about two weeks but joined in after this and continued working with more vigour. Picani shared the enthusiasm when he read along the lines of Virgil’s response he had written.

Sometimes his clients surprised him after all. The young adult had written about his personal reflections of how much it helped him already and how he kept a journal to show his steps of improvement. There were certain photocopies of the journal pages and highlighted paragraphs and other lines to refer to Virgil’s bettering such as talking to strangers willingly, having less breakdowns and finally getting some more and qualitatively and quantitatively high sleep.

One of the last notes placed themselves in his memory as much as gently putting a hand over his heart as if to warm it up. And warm it up it did. They continued working together with breaks here and there to give Virgil more reflection time as he figured himself out further and let the learned lessons sink in and show in his behaviour.

Emile never backed away from his nerf gun, not for himself nor for others. Even as he retired he kept it around to remind himself of helping others and being helped by others as time passes. The spirit of helping and supporting your next travelled from Remy to Emile and eventually rested with Virgil who took it upon him to aid his friends as much as he could.

[unordinary-analysis]

Episode 147

Honorable mentions:

Hgfjhgf

I talk a lot about Remi being into EMBER. This includes the theory that EMBER are the authorities. So just be aware that that also falls under that name when you read it.

Even I’m getting a bit confused about John’s motives right now lmaooo sksndjks

John saying he’s rooting for Joker… idk that hit hard for some reason it really shouldn’t have

This is one of those rare episodes where literally everything that happens is big enough to get its own explanation and analysis so that’s why my honorable mentions this week is a little bare lmao

I’m really sorry about how late this is, but I had to step back and take a deep breath… like… wow.

How do all those fast-passers keep quiet like-? I’m so happy they do, but how do you not just get up and start screaming about this episode?

Anyway. Let’s get into this in chronological order.

Terrence:

When I first saw Terrence in this week’s episode, I was ecstatic. I genuinely thought that that would be the most interesting thing about the chapter (...). 

Terrence grabs my attention whenever he is shown, mentioned, or even whenever i can manage to fit him into a theory. The reason is: Terrence is endgame. I’m so sorry i don’t know how to word this correctly. Please be aware I don’t mean the movie. What I’m trying to say is that, Terrence is one of the plot points that have been sewn into the story since the very beginning. He’s been the background/behind the scenes force. No matter what is happening now, you always know there’s something bigger happening silently and that it will be the ultimate climax. Terrence has a special connection with that.

Though it is not technically canon, most people believe that Terrence is the invisible guy that tried to sneak up on Seraphina and John in episode 10 and the invisible person that was involved with the whole situation at Kovoro mall. Neither cases were dwelt upon long or pushed into further investigation by the characters. Sure, Remi might have gotten a bit worked up, but she never actually decided to look into the initial person from the mall and his invisible friend. When John and Seraphina got followed, neither one of them tried to figure out why. 

This theme is rather uncommon in the story of UnOrdinary as a whole. The characters often investigate and look into anything suspicious around them. Arlo and Isen looked into John. Remi chased after EMBER (one of the more... special cases), When Seraphina got kidnapped- literally everyone’s perspective revolved around it. Uru-Chan allowed her characters to look into the ultimately lesser conflicts. Yes, Arlo discovering John’s abilities proved to be maybe the biggest plot point/ turning point in UnOrdinary, but after that happened, the story still went on. Seraphina getting kidnapped? Not much to do with that endgame climax we’re all waiting for. I’ll say it again for the people in the back who aren’t paying attention.

Uru-Chan doesn’t let her characters investigate anything that will be endgame conflict.

Am I saying that right? Whatever, you all get the gist of what I’m saying.

The events that aren’t directly crucial to UnOrdinary’s ultimate climax have all been examined.

Which means: Whatever hasn’t been properly addressed by the comic that should’ve based on the character’s usual actions will be important to the eventual and overall plot. 

I mentioned above that there is a special case regarding this rule. EMBER. EMBER is difficult to really put into the black and white classification that I’m talking about. EMBER has been investigated by Remi. 

The reason that I’m still claiming my whole classification as correct is because of the unique ties Remi has to the organization. We all know her brother was murdered by EMBER, She tried to warn students about EMBER, she became a superhero to defeat EMBER. These are facts that have been drilled into our heads since the beginning of the comic.

The beginning of the comic.

Almost from the very moment we met Remi, she had her intimate connection and interest in the organization that lurked in the back of the story. She is the character we see most interact and react to EMBER. I’m going to go as far as saying that her entire character has been revolving around EMBER for basically the entire story. Yes, she’s helped with some side plot like love triangles and whatnot. I don’t really know. But when you really look into Remi, what you find is EMBER. Remi’s character boils down to EMBER.

Remi investigating EMBER is an exception to my classification hypothesis of sorts, but at the same time, it really isn’t… Because her involvement with the group is endgame. Again, I’ll try to explain better…

Because Remi’s character has been onto EMBER since the beginning, she in a way joins the hidden plot. Her character is one of the more subtle plot points, like Terrence or EMBER. I don’t know whether or not to call it a foreshadowing technique, but Remi’s always been in the back warning her friends, Arlo, Wellston about EMBER. 

I’d like to move on from this because this is just meant to be an answer to any holes that my theory (?) many have. I hope I’ve been clear. I would love to talk more, but I don’t know what else to say. Have at it in the comments though :).

Back to Terrence… (sorry I hope this long ramble didn’t distract from my topic too much). Terrence, and the person we readers believe him to be, falls under the category of things that should have been addressed more and were not. Like I listed before: the chase outside the mall, the teddy-bear scandal with the superhero posse. I can’t imagine John just letting someone who was invisible sneak up on him and Seraphina and just not give them another thought. I know, times have changed since then, but still… It seems like something you would remember. Same with the mall thing. Isen and Blyke got kind of into the whole EMBER is authorities thing, but I mean they just were surprised. Neither of them has really delved into it. They didn’t even give another thought to the invisible guy on the motorcycle… 

So yeah… I get excited whenever Terrence is involved because he represents the ultimate climax that Uru-Chan’s been building up to for years. I don’t even think he’s going to play that big of a role, it’s just his involvement in general that I’m intrigued by. I’ve explained myself above and now I’m tired so let’s just move on to what happened this episode sjkdjfghsjikdfh.

Okay Terrence isn’t all that important this episode actually lmao sorry for the big dramatic buildup. He just sits at a table with Seraphina and tells good lies. Honestly, it’s kind of scary how normal he looks while acting like everyone else. Terrence never says anything that directly contradicts what we know to be true, so it’s not that interesting, but stillllll. Terrence sitting and talking with Seraphina so normally??? I eat that shit up i stg. If you didn’t know that he’s been watching everything since the beginning, he wouldn’t stand out and even if you were given some inkling that he was, honestly, he seems too boring and innocent. I usually don’t like this, but the things that the readers know is too much and like I said, I’m living for this. Yeah I don’t know what I’m saying either R.I.P..

The more important part of what I wanted to say is in my explanation of the ultimate plot so I’m going to let myself move on now.

Seraphina on Joker:

Seraphina said something this episode that I guess really got me thinking. She said, “Is he [Joker] really that bad? He’s just climbing the ladder, isn’t he?”

I felt that.

This really intrigued me for some reason. Like… honestly. The low-tiers are scared, but what Joker’s doing is just climbing the hierarchy ladder. This happens all the time, so why be scared now.

When asked about this, the low-tiers said that Joker was scary because he covers his face, meaning he won’t face any consequences (okay this is understandable) and because nobody understands his motives.

Do… Do the low-tiers really believe that they understand every high-tier’s motive? Do they? I don’t know. That’s irrelevant right now lol. 

I made this it’s own section because I’m intrigued that Seraphina seems to be one of the first ones to consider Joker differently. She isn’t instantly scared of him like everyone else and even when she does find out about him and his actions, her immediate reaction isn’t horror. I liked this because it shows a person with a different perspective. With everyone scared of him, readers are limited in the way they see Joker, if that makes sense. Because everyone shown in the comic previously has been terrified of him, when we think of Joker, we think of a badass guy that’s kicking everyone’s asses for the hell of it. That holds so much appeal, don’t get me wrong, but I loved the new way of thinking about him that Seraphina really pointed out to me. Joker is  only climbing the ladder. Joker’s just doing what is acceptable and everyone is being so dramatic about it. I don’t completely understand or agree with Seraphina’s thoughts, but just their presence changed how I thought of something, so thank you for that :).

My new take on Joker: symbolism:

I don’t know what made me really think of this, but I did and I think this kind of makes sense…? I thought it was good enough to put in here so I mean y’all are going to have to read this either way lol.

Joker symbolizes EMBER. 

Let me explain. In UnOrdinary, Joker is this hidden antagonist who is defeating all of the high-tiers. Generally, none of the students know Joker’s motives or who is behind the mask (they said this is why they are scared of him). Joker leaves a trail of his victims bodies. Joker steals his victims powers. Some students know Joker’s true identity, and it’s not who’d you expect.

Now… consider this.

Replace Joker with EMBER (don’t actually do it, I’ll do it for you :))

EMBER is a hidden enemy defeating high-tiers.

The general public is not aware of who is a part of EMBER or what they want.

EMBER leaves a trail of bodies, all of which they brand with their symbol.

An early theory that one of the characters thought of was that EMBER had to be messing with high-tier’s powers to be defeating all of them. This was proved right with that whole Seraphina fiasco and everything that followed.

Remi, Blyke, and Isen all have pretty strong suspicions that EMBER and the authorities are one and the same, which all shocked them at first.

I don’t know what this means. I don’t know how else to elaborate. I’m just going to leave this here. Make of it what you will… But I’m living for thissss.

“John is Joker”:

I hate to say this, but… I just can’t… It-... It’s been a week already (lmao while writing this, the new episode came out) and all I can say is… awsihlkdaklshfjkslhfiuwghr87uivayiukrfhrwauyegvhrwqwc4zszvedrbfygutnymhi,i8ngt67rd64vbe5sw exb6dcnf7vt8m9by8,u09ji

I don’t really have anything to add to this scene so don’t be mad at me for not saying anything  ._.

[insert-geeky-things-here]

Here and Gone Again - Chapter 2: C’mon, It’s Getting Late

Chapter Summary: It’s well into Amelia’s 18th birthday party when the girls go for a walk when things start to go amiss. From lights in the sky to whispering’s in the dark, this certain few begin to believe that they might be going crazy.

Warnings: Light Cursing

Word Count: 3,084

Chapter: 2/?

Almost three and a half hours later and the party was still going strong. Brielynn had stopped by at the beginning  of the party for a surprise visit and stayed for a couple hours afterwards before she had to head home to her family that she was going to stay with for the weekend. Everyone was talking to one another with their cups filled with soda or plates with cake and half-eaten pizza slices nearby. The cold air that seeped in from the window mixed well with the warm air of the shop that had been partnered with an apartment in the back and it happened to be that the latter of the two that Amelia’s family and friends now sat around in. To everyone in the room, it felt like bliss; it was a moment that everyone wished to live in forever.

Minutes soon turned into hours when Elena, Amelia’s sister who was a year younger than her glanced at her phone when a notification popped up on her screen. 7:03 pm, it read. A brief sigh escaped her as she looked up at the slowing party. Getting up, she walked over to her sister who was lying on the couch whose attention focused towards her phone screen and plopped onto the couch completely disregarding the disgruntled yelps coming from her older sister.

“God dammit, Ellie!” Amelia yelled. “I was just about to beat my high score on Crossy Road!”

“Well, sorry! I just came to tell you that I have homework to do, so I’ve decided that I’m going up to the house,” Elena said as she adjusted herself so that she had her head resting on her sisters stomach. “You know you’re incredibly short, right? Like, really short?”

“Gee, thanks...” Amelia scoffed as she pressed the pale blue play button at the bottom of her phone screen. “I mean, It’s not like I’ve always been like this or anything...”

Smiling, Elena stood, patted her sisters head gingerly, and headed towards the door that would lead her to the main house.

“Bye! Don’t invite any boys over and do anything that you’re not supposed to do!” Elena Sadie as she have a small smile from over her shoulder.

Soon after that, Amelia’s family had trickled you to the main house one by one, leaving the five girls alone in the apartment that  had become a place for many birthdays and parties. Looking outside, Artemis could see that the sky was still decently lit and the wind was blowing a warm air in, slightly hinting at the summer months that had long since passed, but the shadows from the mountains and the trees had gave the air a tinge of a brisk and refreshing fall that she had long awaited. The group of five talked for another half hour or so when Artemis got the urge that compelled her to explore the lands around her. Hopping off of her spot on the counter, she grabbed everyone’s jacket, individually throwing them at the person it belonged to, eventually doing the same with everyone’s shoes. In confusion, everyone looked at Artemis. After putting her own jacket and shoes on, she grabbed her water bottle and filled it with leftover soda.

“Artemis, what’s going on?” Layla inquired.

“I’m going on a walk and I’m going to make you guys come with me,” She answered as she tied her hair up in a simple bun.

Smiling, the other girls threw on their jackets and shoes, almost running to the door with any other supplies such as any small snacks and water bottles that they would need on their walk in their arms as the sound of gravel soon hit their ears. The air felt damp with the oncoming storm, which was refreshing compared to the normal fall air that the girls had when the season started.

As the gravel turned to dirt which eventually turned to leaf and dandelion covered grass, their little adventure that seemed like an epic quest to them had begun.

✧❈✧

The group was walking peacefully together with Hope walking in front of them as she silently lead the way down the path that she had become so familiar with, subconsciously listening for anything that sounded out of the familiar noise of the forest. After all, it was what she was bread to do. When the group entered a small clearing with a mobile camper that had come with the house, Hope trotted over to where the sunlight broke through the trees, assessed the areas, and laid down. Not far from the camper in a couple of the massive trees was a treehouse that was built a short time after the main house was built. The stream that ran through the property bubbled from the fall rains nearby.

“Most of everyone at the house don’t come down here often,” Amelia smiled. “So I kinda adopted it as my own little place to go to for fun.”

“For fun? I would live down here all the time!” Artemis exclaimed as she ran to the base of the stairs that had built into one of the trees. “Can I?”

Amelia nodded silently before nodding towards the others that they could go into the treehouse as well, she had headed towards the camper.

“I’m going to get some stuff real quick. I’ll be up in a sec,” Amelia shouted from over her shoulder.

The door to the camper opened with a gentle whine of the old, rusted hinges. On the outside, it looked old and weathered and uninhabitable, but on the inside it was homey. Since it appeared as such, the camper door was always left unlocked. However, because no one ever came down there besides Amelia and the rare visitor, only bottled water, granola bars and some instant things were kept down there just in case Amelia or whoever else was down there could snack on anything if they needed it. Grabbing some stove-top popcorn, peanut M&M’s, and some pretzels, she turned towards the door when an array of ding’s came from the phone in her back pocket.

“Shit, what is it now?” She said as she saw Artemis’ name that the top of the screen, numerous texts following after. They looked normal at first, but when she opened the texts they were all random figures that shot straight lines and curved around themselves with the infrequent dot or two above each symbol. There were different groupings of these, almost as if they were trying to form words. “The fuck? Since when do smartphones text in Tengwar?”

Then a text in English popped up. It was asking Amelia if she knew where the entrance to Arda was. Then another popped up that she needed to know right then or the entire group would be at risk. Confusion plagued her thoughts before a knock came at the trailer door. Turning, Amelia saw that it was Artemis with a slightly worried look on her face.

“Everything okay? You weren’t answering my calls,” Artemis obviously looked concerned, but beheld complete oblivion to the texts she had sent moment prior.

Amelia shook her head, confusion bringing her brows together like a drawbridge.

“Why were you asking for the entrance to Arda in the texts you sent me? You know 100% its fiction, right?” She countered before her eyes looked up from her phone. “And why the everlasting fuck would we be at risk if I didn’t tell you?”

In turn, Artemis was confused because she knew that didn’t send any texts to anyone, especially Amelia, in hours. She had no clue as to what Amelia was talking about and none of it made sense to her. Hell, she hadn’t even thought about her phone until after she’d left school, and that was almost four hours ago.

“What do you mean? I didn’t send you any texts. Not since yesterday,” Artemis defended only for Amelia to shove her phone into her hands.

“Look. You started sending me texts in Tengwar, which is a form of elvish,” Amelia was slightly flustered now, not believing a thing. “A-and I should mention that elvish in any form--”

“Isn’t compatible with any smartphone? I know. Not to mention that it’s fictional too,” Artemis interrupted  without even looking at Amelia’s phone screen.

The two had a stare down before Amelia nodded down to her phone in Artemis’ hands. As Artemis began scrolling through the texts the two shared, only for her to see nothing in any form of elvish, whether it be in Tengwar or not. Sighing, Artemis shrugged her shoulders and handed the phone back.

“I don’t blame you for seeing what I may or may not have sent you, but regardless…” She trailed off and ran her fingers through her hair and turned to opened one of the cupboards only to pull out an Ouija board. “The others were wanting to play.”

✧❈✧

Laughter emitted from the girls as popcorn amongst other assorted snacks flung everywhere while a compilation of turbo rare Vines played in the background. Each and every one of them were bundled up in blankets and hoodies while they were rolling around on the floor, wheezing with laughter as the Vines continued to get more and more comical. In honesty, they weren’t sure if it was because of the delirium due to lack of sleep or if the compilation was actually funny or not. Either way, they were having the time of their lives. Once the girls were able to calm themselves, a silence overtook them. It wasn’t awkward or forced, they just lied there with their happy gazes cast to the ceiling. Then Layla sighed.

“Are we ever gonna play with that Ouija board?”

Amelia shook her head.

“I wish we could, but I wouldn’t recommend playing after midnight,” Amelia rolled to her side and picked up a piece of stray popcorn before popping it into her mouth. “Witching hour and whatnot. Wouldn’t want to risk anything.”

“Right. And it’s almost 2 am,” Layla’s voice was thoughtful and thankfully understanding.

With the rest of the group understanding, Layla and the others sat up and gathered around in a circle with each individuals stuff in hand. Then, Amelia yawned deeply, goosebumps tickling her skin as a cool breeze came in from an open window nearby. The others laughed.

“Someone’s tired,” Artemis said as she wiped the sleep from her eyes.

In truth, they were all tired, even if they would’ve like to have admitted it or not.

“Everyone ready?” Amelia yawned while the others nodded their heads.

Everyone began to stumble out of the treehouse door and began to climb down the ladder. Amelia had stopped momentarily to look up at the moon and stars before the clouds would eventually block her view. The moon had cast a silvery light across the landscape. As she watched it, she saw several deer prance across it, only to look at them with a confused look on her face when she had noticed they stopped to look at something. But what? The sky? Then, a portion of the silver stricken sky had turned a mixture of purple rocketing towards the earth. The deer scattered as their flight or fight response kicked in as the object crashed just within the tree line across the field.

“Wha–? Did, what?” She spluttered as she pointed in the direction where the object crashed. “Did, you not ju–? Light?”

The others hadn’t seemed to have noticed seeing as most of them had already climbed down the ladder. Amelia’s shoulders sagged as a sigh of exasperation left her. How did they not see it? It lit up the entire sky!

“Did any of you see that?” Amelia asked as she looked back at the field to where the object lay.

The others shook their heads with no clue in the world as to what Amelia was talking about. Could this be what part of the sleep deprived part of her looked like? Or was she going crazy? Was it both?

“No, but one thing I do see is one tired adult. C’mon now, it’s late,” Tanya yawned. “We can check out whatever you saw in the morning.”

In the distance, the purple glow still shined while beams of it seeped through cracks in the trees, but now it pulsed to a beat she couldn’t hear. Upon looking closer, she saw silhouettes of four figures emerging from the tree line. Two of them looked short with a sturdy build, one was of average height and build, while the last one was tall and lithe. The figures parted when something large on four legs began sauntering between them. Together, the group walked with surety, like a man on a mission. In the blink of an eye, a flash of colors appeared before Amelia’s eyes within a flash of a second. She closed her eyes at the bright away but opened them when it became unbearable. But that’s the thing, instead of seeing a horizon of trees and mountains, to moon, the stars, and that pulsating purple light, she saw the same silhouettes from just a moment prior. Now that they were up close, she could see what they looked like; or, who they looked like.

They were her friends, but they looked… different. And by different, they were, no… how? She took a step back. The something she saw wasn’t just something, it was a smilodon, but it wasn’t for long. The thing that was a cat had literally morphed itself into her but this version of her was taller and looked like a fighter. This version of her looked like she had fought in a war she never wanted to fight.

✧❈✧

She woke to the gentle breathing of her friends when she saw Amelia sitting straight up in the makeshift bed made out of blankets and pillows, eyes closed, her figure rigid and stiff. She wasn’t aware of any sleep-related things that plagued her friend such as sleepwalking or night terrors, so this was all new to her. Quietly crawling over to see if she was okay, Artemis sat parallel to her friend, facing the opposite direction so then she could look at Amelia. An ethereal silver moonlight was casted on the two friends through the dense clouds, trees, and partially covered windows. It wasn’t until then that Artemis noticed that Amelia was muttering some strange language that seemed to roll off her tongue with a grace that gave off an airy feel.

“Gil-galadsuil hitha-ial,” Amelia breathed as she continued to repeat the same phrase over and over, her eyes glowing from under her faintly opened eyes. “Gil-galadsuil hitha-ial.”

Panicking, Artemis woke the others, not knowing what to do. She bit her lip as the others slowly began to wake from their slumber. Each one grumbled a different complaint about how it was too early or how they needed more sleep, but once they were awake and saw how worried Artemis looked, not to mention that their friend was still speaking words that they didn’t understand. Layla sighed angrily, unhappy that she was woken at such an unnaturally early hour.

“Have you tried Google Translate? I heard that’s useful,” Her tone was low with impatience and displeasure, a combination that typically meant trouble with her.

Artemis’ shoulders sunk in conquest, sighing as she did so.

“I did. It didn’t work. None of it made sense,” Artemis rolled her eyes, exhaling through her nose. “You’re welcome to give it a try.”

A silence overtook the small group of friends that were still awake, each one of them trying to think of something to help they’re friend. Minutes had passed when Artemis finally noticed that there was something different about Amelia. Besides the now visible and unfamiliar scars that varied in size were scattered across Amelia’s face and arms, there was slight purple glow coming from her eyes. Grabbing her face, Artemis called for a light to be cast onto the pale, freckled face and body of her friend. A scar had vertically cut itself through Amelia’s left eyebrow and onto her cheek and left a small valley where the skin was once unified. Other scars were scattered across the blonde’s face such as one that rested along her jawbone with one that crossed over it and one that started from the crease of her smile line to her lip. The ones on her arms included the imprinted memories of rope burns and fire to spiked chains and cat-o-nine tail whips. They were all scars that she had never had before.

“H-how? How is this…?” Lucia stuttered as she watched Artemis try to use the small light that she was given for various tests to see how Amelia’s pupils that were hidden behind a dull glowing light.

Tanya shrugged as a response knowing that none of them could give a proper answer. Amelia kept muttering the same words over and over again so much that it had almost became background noise as everyone in the room tried to think of what to do. Everyone had become so lost in thought that they hadn’t noticed that Amelia had completely opened her eyes and stopped her chanting altogether until Artemis had let out a yelp when Amelia had used one hand to grab the scruff of her shirt while the other went to her chin and moved it to make Artemis look into her eyes.

“We have been waiting, child…” Amelia croaked in a voice that would only come from ones deepest nightmares. All the light coming from the window had all but disappeared, making the only light emanate from the eyes of Amelia. “Far too long have we waited for this moment.”

Not even a moment later, the whole room erupted in a bright purple light and all went black.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: I’m so sorry for all of the time skips I did in this chapter and for the eight month wait you had to endure. I just was really excited to actually get to the main part of the story and wanted to get this chapter over with. I spent a lot of time writing this chapter so then you guys could enjoy it. Also!!! HAPPY HOBBIT DAY!!!! Since I had finished this chapter within the last week, I thought that it would be a nice touch to post it today considering what day it is. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Tag List:

@pancakesause195

@phantomxqueen3

@calicoskatts

@tolkien-fantasy

@pistachiozombie

[anjibooks]

The Diviners by Libba Bray (Book Review)

I'm not usually an audiobook kind of girl. See, I'm a fast reader, and can absorb novels far, far faster than can be comfortably listened to. But here's the thing, as I am a seventeen year old girl with the heart of a grandmother, I recently got obsessed with knitting and crocheting, and I can't very well read while doing such hobbies. So I decided to try the audiobook for the Diviners, since it's a book that been waiting on my shelf for a very long time. At first I found the voices and the pace a bit annoying, but as I got into it more, I found myself constantly listening to the audiobook, and getting through the absurdly long audiobook in a couple days. Not only did I listen to the book when I was crocheting, I would also listen to it while brushing my teeth, getting ready for school in the morning, while driving to the store to buy more yarn, and even while reading other school books (I'm surprisingly good at multitasking.) This was both due to the combination of an excellent novel and also because after getting used to being read to instead of reading, I really got into the whole audiobook format. I would set the sleep timer and go to sleep listening to the book. Really, there was never a quiet moment. If you're too busy to read, I would highly recommend trying the audiobook (or any audiobook)! It's actually quite useful and enjoyable. Now on to the actual novel. The Diviners was nothing like I was expecting. The story mainly follows Evie O'Neill, a girl who goes to live with her uncle in New York City in the 1920s after causing a little too much trouble at home. I thought this would be a very serious story with a serious investigation into murder and an Avengers-like come together moment,  it was nothing like that. I don't even know how to describe this book, it's so unique. There's a definite element of horror, like sometimes I deeply regretted listening to this as I was falling asleep. The murder scenes are creepy as what, made creepier by the audiobook since the narrator actual whistles and sings the songs as the murderer approaches. There's also just teen drama going on. Evie's a party girl, she's a flapper after all, and doesn't like to take things too seriously. It's such a strange combination, and yet... somehow it all works. If you're tired of the same old tropes and whatnot, definitely check this book out, because there's nothing like it. Evie is truly her own person, I can't think of any other protagonists to compare her to. She's extroverted, stubborn and possesses an overabundance of confidence. She has the special ability to read any object she puts her hands on, which, while some other protagonists might keep their talent a secret, she literally uses it as a party trick. Yeah, Evie is definitely different from any protagonist you might read, but she's not one you'll be likely to forget anytime soon. At first she may come off as frivolous and a bit annoying, but as you get deeper in the novel, you can't help but fall in love with her. This is one of those novels that has a whole giant cast of characters with a plethora of POVs. I found that Evie's POV and those around Evie were the most interesting. Meaning that every single time we got to a Memphis chapter, I got a little bored. Sorry everyone who likes Memphis, he's just not all that interesting to me. Here's a brief overview of all the characters you'll be meeting Mabel Rose-- she's Evie's best friend, and her polar opposite. She's meek, quiet and introverted, quite happy to just follow Evie around and live under the shelter of her helicopter parents and silently pine after Jericho Jones. I'll be honest, Mabel is not my favorite character, never has been. In the first book she's okay, but as the series progressed, she became my least favorite and at times I was ready to throw some punches at her. Sam Lloyd-- Let's just introduce this beautiful boy as my one true love. Sam is by far my favorite character in the entire series, with Evie coming in as a close second. He's a thief and skilled liar, yet he is also extremely charismatic and his banter with Evie is something I live for. He gets on her last nerve and will poke at her to get a rise just for fun. If that isn't #perfect, I don't know what is. Oh, and he may have a mission and goal of his own along with some surprising secrets... ​ Will Fitzgerald-- Evie's uncle who she comes to live with. He runs The Museum of American Folklore, Superstition and the Occult-- more commonly known as The Museum of the Creepy Crawlies, which isn't doing so hot lately. Like almost all the characters in this story, he's basically filled past the brim with secrets and backstory, many of which have yet to be revealed. Will is friends with a detective, which is why, when a ton of strange murders occur, Will is brought in to consult. (And then Evie tags along, much to her uncle's annoyance. ) Jericho Jones-- this is Will's sort of adopted son / employee. He's a stoic young man of giant stature yet quiet nature who is hiding (shocker) a big secret. Jericho is not my favorite character. He's sweet but when the book is filled with some much more colorful characters, Jericho falls behind in the race for my love. (also I will mention things later in other reviews of the later books). Theta Knight-- She's a strong minded woman who doesn't mind causing a bit of scandal-- not nearly as much as Evie does, though. At first when she was introduced, I expected Theta to be your typical mean girl, but instead she and Evie become fast friends. I loved that element of the novel. And yes, she's also hiding a deep dark secret. Theta lives with her best friend, Henry, and I have to say I adore their relationship and wish it was explored to greater depths. Henry DuBois-- Not much is revealed about Henry in book 1, other than he plays piano and is gay. He's funny for the tiny bits of time that you see him, and well, he's hiding something too. Shocker. You get to find out a whole bunch more about Henry in book two. I love this guy, can't t really say much more than that, sorry! Memphis Campbell-- yup. This is the guy whose chapters I found to be boring. He used to have power, but he lost it after a tragic event in his past. Perhaps one of the reasons I was so bored by his storyline was because it was so detached from the others who I already loved and whose fates were quite intertwined (and I'd argue their storyline was more intriguing as well.) He lives in Harlem with his little brother and their highly religious aunt. He's black, which adds an interesting and sometimes sad dynamic as you see how racist many people were back in the 20s. Remember how I mentioned earlier about that dash of horror? More like a heaping of horror. The story starts with some sort of spirit named Naughty John being released, and oh boy, do I wish those dumb kids had left that Ouija Board alone, because Naughty John created some creepyass scenes that will probably haunt my dreams for a long time. The creep factor of this story... Wow. If you get the opportunity, I would seriously suggest audiobooking this one because it elevates the spookiness by so much. Here's something to think about, cheerful singing whilst committing brutal murder... Overall, I just highly recommend this book. It's nothing like you're expecting, with a unique and interesting cast of characters and an even more unique story. Still, there were some things that just felt like they were missing. Like there were a ton of satisfying moments and scenes I would've liked to have seen, but they happened without actually being written, like they're mentioned, but we never actually get to be in the scene. The relationships are just assumed, too. Like pivotal moments between characters and just the characters getting to know each other and whatnot is more mentioned than what we actually see. I think the story's strong points are its setting and plot, while its characters' relationships and developing them is a bit of a weakness. (This becomes more prominent in later books.) See, I'm the type of person who wants to be IN the action, not hearing mention of it later! And I also love watching relationships build and seeing dynamic between characters instead of just assuming something happened "off-screen," and that a lot of what these books want you to do. 7/10 stars. The first book is nothing AMAZING, but it's a really fun read. I was left wanting to see more moments from the "side characters" aka everyone other than Evie, as some of them (Memphis) seemed pointless to the story arc. The novel definitely had a slow side, but it also created an enchanting world. Synopsis: ​Evie O’Neill has been exiled from her boring old hometown and shipped off to the bustling streets of New York City—and she is pos-i-tute-ly ecstatic. It’s 1926, and New York is filled with speakeasies, Ziegfeld girls, and rakish pickpockets. The only catch is that she has to live with her uncle Will and his unhealthy obsession with the occult. Evie worries he’ll discover her darkest secret: a supernatural power that has only brought her trouble so far. But when the police find a murdered girl branded with a cryptic symbol and Will is called to the scene, Evie realizes her gift could help catch a serial killer. As Evie jumps headlong into a dance with a murderer, other stories unfold in the city that never sleeps. A young man named Memphis is caught between two worlds. A chorus girl named Theta is running from her past. A student named Jericho hides a shocking secret. And unknown to all, something dark and evil has awakened.

[kristinarambles]

Theme Song

Analysis One:

When I first started watching this show it was to find something my oldest daughter [who was three at the time] and I could watch together. We had been watching Gravity Falls but I knew it was coming to an end and I was pretty tired of Shimmer and Shine and Daniel Tiger and whatnot [not that there’s anything wrong with them and in fact I like them, just was over it lol]. Disney movies over and over I can do but I wanted something new that I could really get into. My sister loved it and I saw screenshots and stuff all over Tumblr so I was curious. I sought my sisters referral and she told me it was beautiful but might contain content that Andrea was too young to understand/comprehend, but even so it was made so it would still entertain her and contained a lot of themes that would reinforce the type of things I was trying to teach her as a mother. Now my youngest who was a babe-in-arms when we started has reached about the same age as Andrea was when we started watching and it's all of our big thing that we watch together and love so much. It met and exceeded all of my expectations in every way. The artwork and music is beautiful, I've added several of the songs to my "playlist" of lullaby's that the children request for me to sing to them. The girls adore the characters, Andrea even named "her” dog after Pearl [she’s even got the sharp nose true to form, but as a counterpoint likes to eat trash and roll in the mud]. They play games set to the story, talk about it all the time, cheer them on as we watch and even cry. It keeps us engaged and guessing and even my husband doesn't mind it and will occasionally watch the new episodes with us. We love how excited the kids get about them lol.

I was going to just jump into the first episode, but I thought I should do a little breakdown of the theme songs first,the old one from the first season and the one we've been using since the beginning of season two until presumably we'll get a new one at the start of season six. Also forgive me for not having pictures, but I don’t want to be stealing pictures even with references or tags and I have two children so I don’t have the time or patience to be going and getting my own screengrabs.

First I think it's interesting that in the old theme Pearl and Amethyst [Amethyst pulling out/down her shirt] both show off their glowing gems but you can only see one of Garnet’s as she adjusts her shades. Steven's can be seen glowing until he finishes his little somersault and his shirt settles. I like how the next few flashes show his youth [and immaturity] in comparison to the Gems as well. After seeing the theme we've had the last couple of years so many times I really love the parallels and changes. How when the warp pad goes off Steven just passively floats upside down, he makes a face when Garnet ruffles his hair [which is one of my favorite of their earlier interactions], running to catch up to them and then leaping to get in the lead. It gives us a real feel for their relationship but in an abstract way. Steven is the kid brother, to be protected and sheltered, maybe even a little annoying. They love him, but he isn't really a member of the team, he's just a tag-along. Then it evolves, they start in the temple but it appears that they're at the galaxy warp in the second theme. They focus on the Gems faces now and not their gems. He is now the one who activates the warp, with a hint of the Diamond Salute, everyone ruffles his hair while he smiles [with star eyes no less] because he knows how much they love him. Then the running with Steven trying to catch up turning to all of them just posing one by one with their weapons, but still as a team. We get a nice shot of Connie as the van drives through Beach City, she is front and foremost from our point of view. Lars and Sadie, Mr. Smiley, the Cool kids, Kiki and Nanefua are all there but Connie is the most important. Lots of people have pointed out the change in her appearance in the theme, and it's certainly the most obvious but I like how subtly everyone else changed too. Lars goes from throwing himself against the window to leaning comfortably, Sadie even looks more comfortable. The Cool Kids are now hanging out in front of The Big Donut instead of on the curb across the street. Onion is on top of it when originally it seemed that Mr. Smiley was about to toss him out. Looking back he was probably just handing him off to Sour Cream, but we didn't know he was his big brother back then. Jamie has been added, although off to the side sulking [of course]. Also added are Mayor Dewey, Kofi, and the Frymans. As funny as it is to see Ronaldo being flustered at the van driving by instead of Lars, my heart is warmed by PeeDee hanging out smiling on his father's shoulders and waving at Steven. It might be more symbolism that Ronaldo is trying to gather up his papers but pauses to watch the van go by. He has a tendency to let his theories run away with him, but Steven has consistently set him straight.

All that being said, Connie's transformation is arguably the most important other than Steven himself, although in light of Pink Lars and Rock Star Sadie not necessarily the most drastic in appearance. She is still on the outskirts, but it's no longer because she's an outsider as evidenced by her running after the van instead of just holding her hat in place due to the wind made by it passing her. I love the contrast in her traditionally feminine skirt to her more utilitarian shorts and clutching her book and holding onto her hat turning into still holding the book but loosely by her side instead of tightly to her chest and resting her sword comfortably on her shoulder. I really identified with early Connie and her escape into books. As a Navy brat I moved a lot, and being the oldest I had a lot of responsibility I didn't really want. When we first meet her in Bubble Buddies and she doesn't even notice Steven because she was so into her reading, I felt that on a very visceral level. I wish I could have found real magic like she did lol. Her books are still a part of her, but she’s grown so much, trained to be strong and skillful, earning her place on the team. I don’t think we ever actually see her wear a hat in show, and she loses her literal rose tinted lenses and adds in her glow bracelet showing off her and Steven’s friendship.

Greg is finally shown at the end, representing Steven's human needs with a grill haha, then in a final bit of symbolism in the first theme we see each of the Gems get their own frame with their name superimposed above them. They each get a slightly different time of day and a signature little move to show us who they are without saying a word. Garnet reclining in her lawn chair and only moving her foot at sunset. Amethyst flipping her hair at twilight with the moon behind her. Pearl adjusting her skirt as she sits in front of the fully night sky filled with diamond shaped stars. Steven eating a hot dog with the temple at sunrise behind him. In the new theme however they gather around Steven after a casual shot of the temple. Connie runs to join them, Greg relaxes up against a napping Lion. He strums his guitar as Connie turns smiling. Garnet lowers herself to sit behind Steven, Amethyst in her enthusiasm slides to be beside him, Pearl kneels down neatly They all belong there, as a team. They are all still individuals with their own personalities, strengths and weaknesses, but they communicate and fit together so much better now. The title is over all four of them instead of just Steven.

Steven says his powers allow him to connect to people, and sure that's a big part of his gem powers but I think his human half has a really great power too. He has the ability to make people connect to each other. His empathy brings all the people he cares about together and over the course of the series he's been able to dissect and help them solve the issues keeping them apart as well as deal with their own self images and trauma.

There's been a lot of speculation about a new theme, and although initially I was unhappy with the idea and content with the current theme I am coming around. I was firmly against the idea of Rose being Pink and that turned out better than I ever could have hoped so I'm fully trusting in Rebecca Sugar now. Especially with those scenes at the very end of Change Your Mind. The pan over the Crystal Gems, Off Colors and the humans mingling on the beach with the Diamonds looking over them. The change in lyrics about peace instead of fighting while all of the newly uncorrupted gems reunite in the fountain, and the fact that Steven leaves out his own name to make sure he mentions that there's more of them. And then the Crystal Gems in front of the temple, all of them. Lapis and Peridot have officially joined all in, Bismuth is back for good, Connie, Lion and Greg still in their rightful places, even Pumpkin and Cat Steven. It's all just so wonderful, if we do get an updated theme I'm sure it will be just as lovely, I'm trying not to have expectations although the parallels seem to indicate that at least that last bit in front of the temple will be integrated.

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

Wonky preliminary thoughts

I watched the episode once this morning then I’ve been various degrees of busy and sickly so the episode is sort of nebulous in my mind but I want to throw down the thoughts I remember thinking this morning... on a second watch I could change my mind. Honestly I don’t even know yet what this post is going to be like. I’m gonna make it up as I go. Let’s find out together.

- It’s a finale baby

Okay I haven’t touched my dash but I know my chickens and I know there’s gonna be wank, because people forget that every year when the finale comes out no one likes it. That’s it, that’s the finale, expectations are high because finales are supposed to be epic so people end up disappointed, some things were predicted 8 weeks prior and people complain that they were too obvious, some things were unexpected and people complain they came out of the blue, some people say Cas wasn’t in it enough some people write down explanations why his part was actually meaningful, you know the drill. This has been a typical finale: Dean makes The Sacrificial Decision (having Death kill him, become the soul bomb...) and things don’t just work the way he expected them to (sometimes positively like with Amara, sometimes negatively like with Michael).

I personally expected Dean to let Michael (although until recently I supposed it could be the original version of him) in since 13x15 (the showrunner’s own meta manifesto relatively to the ‘reverse season 5/reverse Swan Song’ nature of the final part of the season) and that it would be about shouldering himself the task of getting Lucifer killed since 13x20 (where he goes after Loki himself and is not enthusiastic about Sam’s revenge intents against Lucifer), and heck the ‘I let you in but you provide the power but I’m behind the wheel’ kind of speech was something I pictured in a thousand scenarios, so I didn’t get any shocks from that part of the episode’s plot, but I still enjoyed how we got there. And then, Lucifer is dead! *celebration noise coming from the fandom*

- Um okay let’s say you did your best

Okay, the impression I got from my first watch: the script worked, but the episode got wonky in its execution. Not even the special effects (insert a wonky gold star for the trying) but I remember being unimpressed by the sound/music? Is it just me? Like, sometimes the sound choices were too over the top? There were also overdramatic zooms but that’s Supernatural, and Supernatural without overdramatic zooms is like Supernatural without the Winchesters.

I liked the recap montage a lot (what do you think came first, Rowena’s line about the music or the idea of having that line inside the season to use it for the finale recap?). I got a bit sad because there was a lot of Wayward Sisters in it, and it would have been better if the finale came in a moment of celebration for it happening rather than anger and bitterness for the CW’s choices. Something I felt missing from the last portion of the season was Jody, but I was obviously okay with it because she was missing in preparation of her role in the spin-off. If we can’t change the network’s decision, I hope next season is packed with those characters.

Anyway, back to the episode - it was weird at times, you all know what times, let’s just run with it and make jokes.

- But in season 5 they said--

No, the act itself of Michael killing Lucifer wasn’t what was going to kill half the planet’s population. It was that act inside the large picture of that spell-like orchestration that was the apocalypse (seals, horsemen, omens, stuff like that). I would argue the large-scale damage that was expected wasn’t an accidental consequence, but kind of the whole point of the apocalypse. I hate myself for bringing it up, but you know Thanos killing half the people to ~save the universe~ or whatever dangerously ambiguous nazi crap that dumbasses have actually fallen for because Marvel is just that bad and dangerously ambiguously conservative? I think that the archangels kind of were similar to that mindset, making a huge sacrifice of humans to bring ~paradise~ because they were tired or whatever. You know, I know some people don’t think Supernatural is particularly progressive, but in the current media climate not framing the mass-murderous, abusive characters with nazi-coded intents as the actual heroes is apparently too progressive for some, so kudos to Supernatural for not making Lucifer or Michael the hero of the story but to stick to common sense and decency. (I know, this part is not about Supernatural but just me being salty at Marvel, but let me, please.)

- So while we’re talking about this...

I can say that what Supernatural did with Lucifer in season 13, in my opinion, has been really good. I’ve never been afraid they were going to ‘redeem’ him, so I wasn’t worried or bothered by the story throwing the tools of redemption at him. Because not only he didn’t pick them up, he couldn’t see them even if they hit him in the face. He didn’t understand what redemption even means. He kept seeing himself as the misunderstood victim, so instead of bettering himself he just felt sorry for himself, and completely missed the point of a ‘second chance’ or whatever he claimed he was after. So, eventually, it was all a lie. I think Lucifer’s “I’ve changed” attitude was partly a schemed lie (because he’s not that clueless), partly something he was convinced of himself, because he has his head up his ass enough to actually believe he was a poor victim. I think this narrative hits the nail on the head - white male fragility works like that, the men wrapped in toxic masculinity and male entitlement think they’re the victims of a big bad oppression from women and queer people and non-white people. But they’re just pathetic, and when the bubble bursts, all they can do is scream in rage and their ‘nice guy’ persona disappears. Lucifer’s 180° change of attitude towards Jack reminded me of the nice guys who start throwing all sorts of disgusting invectives against women after being rejected. So yeah, I think that Lucifer’s arc this season was sort of relevant, if you want to interpret it like this.

Either way, Supernatural, unlike some other pieces of media, doesn’t actually try to make you sympathize with abusive, violent, misogynistic men (unless they actually show to be self-aware and to seek change, and again you aren’t meant to sympathize with their bad side! Toxic masculinity is supposed to be bad, and slaughtering billions of innocents not justified for any reason, and especially does not make you the hero and the ones fighting to save the people the actual villains! *gasp*). There was even a clear dig at Trump, and I am pretty sure that’s Dabb’s answer to accusations of not being clear enough on the subject...

So yeah, I think this season’s big bad was an allegory for white male entitlement and the ‘nice guy’ victim complex, and Dean stabbed him (I’d say with the help of a Black man, sure it’s actually Michael another villain but momentary symbolism, I guess? Or maybe that just isn’t supposed to be relevant.) I felt someone cheer that was still bitter that Sam killed Alastair. You just know someone out there was still bitter about it. I mean it was teamwork, of course, but Dean provided the power and the stab. Oh, Dean letting Michael in to acquire the power to kill Lucifer (who killed Cas and Sam) as a parallel for Sam’s demon blood usage to acquire the power to kill Lilith (who killed Dean) *insert lengthy reflection here*

- Speaking of parallels--

Someone was irked at the apparent belief across fandom that Dean leaving Sam to the vampires in the cave was ~the codepencency being broken~? (I am not a fan of analyzing the show in these terms that have become so simplified, in case you’re wondering.) And of course now we see that that wasn’t so simple, because Dean makes the same face when Sam disappears with Lucifer and Jack, and Cas tries to stop him, but Dean decides to do the sacrificial decision (did he really expect Michael to keep the deal, really really?). But! (I wasn’t saying that things are still stuck in the 10x23 mud puddle, don’t misunderstand me!) This time it’s not just about Sam, it’s about Lucifer being set on really breaking dad’s toys on a large scale this time. Dean Winchester gives up his humanity to save humanity, because that’s his middle name, and not just to save his brother at the cost of harming the universe. Of course Michael is still on the loose and with a stronger vessel now, but hey, one threat at a time... But I also think there’s something significant with the fact that the last sequence of the episode shows Michael on earth, looking in his element and satisfied about it - to stop Lucifer, Sam, with Lucifer inside, went to hell; to stop Lucifer, Dean, with Michael inside... is on earth. Of course, next season he’ll probably be involved with heaven and whatnot, but I think there’s something significant there, but I’d wait to make much meta about Michael-in-Dean when we actually are shown more about it.

- So, overall?

Overall it was a good finale! Satisfying to have Jack discover Lucifer’s true nature and the nice guy lie shatter, emotional the Jack stuff, powerful that we didn’t see Dean actually getting possessed and Cas seeing it but only Cas being fraught about it, just there, kind of like the narrative was telling us, what do you even expect Cas’ face while losing Dean to Michael to look like? Now, this post is long enough and I’ll need a rewatch and some health points more to analyze the details, but I am sure that I’m going to enjoy analyzing them.

- And what now?

Oh, I expect a lot of fanworks of Charlie and Rowena during the hiatus. It’s probably already started...

Alright, more coherent and hopefully meaningful thoughts coming shortly (...maybe) to your screens ^-^

[synnematic]

DAY 3: Letters to A Loved One

for @saboace-week

TWO PARTS:

Letters to No One ( written by me ) multiple chapters

a03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13955610/chapters/32125773

A Couple Years Too Late ( written by @reiji--san ) single chapter

a03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13955889

Summary: 

A collection of letters written over time with no set destination, but always a person in mind.

Letters to No One

Dear Sabo,

This is stupid.

Makinos got this idea in her head that I’m sad. Which I’m not. Im not sad anymore at all. I’m not. Its just hard. Youre not  When you died FUCK. Whatever. fuck spelling and whatnot too. not like you can read this anymore anyway. look. this is suposed to help i guess. a coping mechi mechen method. i write this letter and she stops naging at me. whatever it takes to make them all stop loking at me like im going to snap any second or try to run off again. not like i would anyway.

i know youre not coming back.

you’re dead

you left and you died and theres nothin i can do to turn back time or bring you back or get revenge becus the people that killed you are already GONE and i didnt even know until it was already to late

but im fine

im fine

im not fine

luffy is well hes been better but hes always been a crybaby so he’ll get better. im supposed to be strong now, stronger but i dont really  i don’t know how to handle the emotions and whatnot. not like you did. you always seemed to just GET it always sayin the right things, calmin me us him down. i can’t do that but im trying. im getting better i think.

we’ll get thrugh it

fuck this is stupid

what’s the point in writing a letter youl never read? or writing at all damn it

you taght me how to do this bulshit but i never thought id have to use it like this

fuck im not supposed to cry. messed up the ink now. not that it matters but still i wanted to fuck i dont know what i wanted anymore

sorry

im sorry sabo. i should have been i dunno. something. its different without you. too quiet and theres this pain in my chest all the time. like i’m the one that got shot. don’t get it but i hate it and it hurts and i just i wish you were here. i really wish you were here

i miss you

    ace

sabo,

hey i uhh found the other letter. never ended up giving it to makino but i think she knew i wrote it at least. luffy did but i don’t know what he did with his. i kept mine in the tree house, under one of the loose boards. its a little water damaged but i don’t think you really care huh?

this is still weird, talking to you like this. even though its not really a talk if its only one way. just like talking to an empty room but not even talking out loud

sorry

its been two years now to the day. maybe thats why i ended up finding the old letter in the first place. havent really been to the tree house much since then anyway because

well you know

went to the cliff tho. the one we used to sit at? i went there first yknow when i got youre letter. took me a while since im still not great at reading. getting better tho. it was quiet. always kinda is but really quiet this time with just a little wind. I think it would be a good day to go sailing. was it like this when you left too? dogma said it was a nice day but i dont really remember it that way.

i dont know why i do this to myself. same as last time i always get   i dunno. my chest still hurts. theres a doctor in foosha i went to once a while ago. thought maybe something was wrong with me. he said it was heart break. youd think this is something id get over but i guess not

youre still dead and im still breaking

i dont know when its gonna stop

if it does at all

    ace

sabo,

Is it nice where you are?

Overheard some people talking about it today. Talking about death and what comes after. It sounds nice. Heaven. If thats where you went. I think it should be. Where you went, that is, but nice too I guess.

It sounds warm.

I wonder sometimes if my mom went there too. Still dont really know much about her but she sounded nice. Maybe youve met? Is my d   Nah it doesn’t matter. I hope its nice there. I dont really beleive in that kinda stuff normaly, still kinda dont but i hope its true and youre happy there. Happier than you were here

I know its probably a stupid thing to ask but do you think ill ever be able to join you there?

The waves were choppy at the cliff today. Almost angry. Theres a storm comin but i think ill still go there later. Maybe

Ive been thinking about death a lot lately

    ace

Hey

I didn’t jump, obviously, since i’m writing to you now. Again. Sorry for the silence. Sometimes I just— I dont know. Everything rushes to my head all at once. It helps, occasionally, but then there are the times where my head fills with one singular drive or emotion and thats it, that’s all I can focus on. It used to be anger. So much anger. That was easier than the sadness though. Or the guilt.

There’s things I haven’t really told you. A lot of things actually. I was trying to be strong I guess. Still am. But Makino was right about one thing. It does help, these letters. I like to think sometimes that you just know. That you can read them or that my words somehow magically transfer to you. Wherever you are. But I know that kinda stuff doesnt happen. Not really. So this is more me talking to myself then. That I can do.

So for starters I guess, I had a dream about you last night. I used to have dreams about you a lot. Nightmares too. It’s been a while though, at least a few months since the last one. Normally the dreams are the same, extended memories or something small but usually just the two of us, sometimes luffy. Last night you turned to me in my dream but your face wasn’t right. And I think that’s more terrifying than any of the nightmares i’ve had.

I’m starting to forget what you look like, what you sound like.

It’s been six years now. Longer than the time I knew you. All I have left is the flag Luffy and I found in the wreckage of your ship. I tried to look for more but most of it’s been buried now and i’m afraid. I don’t know what Id do if I found your bones there.

We never took any pictures, never saved enough for something as meaningless as a camera and i regret that now.

I think i���m going to get a tattoo soon. Before I leave the island. Even if I forget what you look like and the sound of your laugh I still want to take you with me somehow. So you can sail the seas instead of — well.

I just don’t want to forget you sabo

    Ace

Me again,

I got that tattoo that I said I would in my last letter. It’s been a while now but it still itches every once in a while. Hah, you should have seen the guys face when I explained what I wanted done. People still keep mistaking it for a mispelling. As if I didn’t know how to spell my own name.

Anyway, got that done a little before I left Dawn and a lot has happened since then. I have my own crew! And a devil fruit too, though man was that a surprise. Still don’t really have the best of control over it and I set random things on fire sometimes but I think I’m starting to get the hang of it. I’m a CAPTAIN now! Got my own flag and everything. We’re the Spade pirates. Isn’t that cool? The Ace of Spades is supposed to be a card that symbolizes death but I don’t think we’re so bad. Hell, we’ve actually helped a lot of people so I hope you’re proud of me. Still wish you could have been my navigator but we probably would have ended up fighting all the time huh? Can’t have two people that want to be captain in the same crew obviously. You would have loved this life though.

I know you’re probably in a pretty nice place yourself right now but the open sea on a clear day is the most beautiful thing. And the STARS Sabo — when the sun sets down low you don’t even need the moon to see, the stars are so bright. Brighter than they ever were on the island.

You’re up there somewhere huh?

Is the view better than the one I’ve got right now?

Seven years is a long time my friend. I’ve grown a lot since I last saw you. Do you grow at all where you are? I bet I’d still be taller than you.

Wish you were here

    Ace

Hey Sabo

I think I need some advice right about now.

It’s been 103 days since Whitebeard defeated me and took me onto his flagship. Yeah, uhh, probably should have updated you on that sooner, huh? My bad. My crew was defeated not that long after I was too. We’re all here now but we’re fine I promise. Actually, that’s kinda my problem.

I want No, I wanted to kill him at first. Whitebeard. All this time hearing about my dad and all he accomplished in life, all he did. So many people that respected or hated him and I just — I don’t know. I heard that Whitebeard was around and I figured if I could just be the one to take him down, the one to kill him even when Roger couldn’t then maybe — Maybe I could prove myself. Prove that I’m stronger than him, than Roger. That I’m better somehow. Or at least different.

Not that that really worked out.

Could have killed me but instead he took me here and made this stupid speech about family and trust and wanting me to be his son or something and I told him no. Obviously. I don’t need a family after all, or at least more family. I’ve got Luffy. And you. Plus I wasn’t  I’m not about to just throw away my own ambitions yknow? I promised you, I PROMISED you that we’d go out to sea and live free lives, the life of pirates. I don’t want that to end, not when I wanted to take you with me on that journey, the life you never got to live.

So I kept fighting and fighting and fighting over and over again, new tactics, new plans. But Sabo I’m so tired now.

So tired.

And they’re really starting to grow on me. As much as I’ve tried to avoid the crew or even piss them off. There’s this one guy, Thatch, in particular that is just too god damn nice ALL THE TIME. And Marco too though he’s kinda stuck up. And they keep talking about family. About belonging and — I don’t know.

Is it bad that a part of me wants that? To have an actual home? To belong?

They don’t know though, not yet at least. They don’t know who I am and maybe — FUCK I don’t know. I don’t know how they’d react to knowing who I am, what I am. I’m scared to find out. But is it worth trying?

Would you hate me if I gave up a part of my freedom for something more?

I feel like I’m betraying you somehow. But at the same time I think you would want me to be happy too.

I don’t know yet for sure but maybe, maybe this is my one chance.

    Ace

He KILLED him.

One of the few genuine friends I have and he’s dead. All because of GREED. Why does this keep happening. Every time I grow attached and start to feel safe something like this happens again just to prove how messed up the world really is. Over a stupid FRUIT and now thatch is dead and— fuck. A member of my own division too. My responsibility and I failed again. Just like I failed you.

I can’t protect ANYONE. Even after all the training and the fighting, the missions and responsibilities. But when it actually matters I’m not even there and my friend gets stabbed in the back and left to DIE.

The blood’s on my hands. I should have known. Should have picked up on the signs and done something — anything . But I was too late. Again. And now he’s gone and that TRAITOR is who knows where.

Well not this time.

This isn’t going to be like what happened with you, with an enemy I never knew and had no chance of finding.

This time I’m going to find him and I’m going to make him pay.

I don’t care if I’m cursed. Maybe I brought this on them in the first place, just by being here. But I’m not going to just sit by and let this happen again. I couldn’t take revenge for you but I can for Thatch.

I can at least do that.

Sabo,

I’m getting close.

I know you probably don’t care, but writing to you like this is the only thing that seems to be keeping me sane recently. It’s like I’m chasing a damn shadow. Every time I get close or feel like I’ve finally caught up the bastard does something to out maneuver me or fuck me up somehow. It’s been months now but this time I think I’ve finally cornered him. Teach is apparently on his way to Water 7 now and there’s a little island, Banaro, that he’s sure to stop at. If I can get there before he leaves then I can finally avenge Thatch. I can make up for my own failures and make sure that he never hurts anyone from my family again.

I dunno how it’s going to go yet but he hasn’t had much time to master his new fruit yet so I should have the upper hand regardless of whatever that rat has planned.

Short letter this time, I know, but I don’t really have a lotta time to waste right now. I’ll be reaching port soon and from there — well, who knows. Guess I’ll probably update you again afterwards though, or whenever I get back to the rest of my crew.

It’s nice to know that I’ll finally be able to avenge someone important to me. Risky, but I know you’d do the same.

    Ace

Sabo,

I’m being executed today.

Guess that’s a solid way to start off my last  this letter, huh? Yeah, nice going Ace, well done. I really know how to keep things upbeat in these damn things don’t I?

Damn it.

Teach, well he, FUCK— sorry.

I don’t want to do this.

He beat me. I don’t have any excuses, nothin I can say to make up for what happened or explain it in anyway. He just did. Just another reason to hate him I guess, but if the alternative was joining him then this is better. Much better, Still, uhh, it hasn’t exactly been fun. Impel Down was just about as bad as I expected, maybe worse even. There’s— you know what, it doesn’t matter what it was like. You don’t need to know that.

Maybe I’m just stalling now.

They don’t really give a lot of time for these things apparently, even when they’re last requests. Bullshit, but I think they just don’t want me to be late for my closeup. Gol D. Roger’s only son means I’m about to broadcasted all around the world. Thanks dad. Great perks. Though, I expected as much. Just proving what I always feared.

ANYWAY, at least I’ve had a lot of time to think lately. Don’t actually know how long I was locked up in there but the silence does things to people, to me. I didn’t dream much while I was there, kinda hard to sleep, but I thought about you a lot. Actually, been thinkin about you a lot for a while but this was different I suppose.

The guys down there like to talk a lot. It helps pass the time but most of them are kinda shit people so I didn’t reply much. Still listened though.

Y’know, in twenty years, I’ve done a lot, seen a lot, experienced a lot— more than most my age, but there’s a lot I didn’t get to do too, didn’t learn about.

I never really thought about love until recently. It’s not really a pirate thing, huh? High seas and all that nonsense but life moves fast and a lot happens all at once. Not a lotta time to sit around and, I dunno, dream?

Whatever. Well, the guys down there talked a surprising amount about it, like it’s something magical, better than any other treasure, and it got me thinkin. I’ve never really cared about that stuff, haven’t since I was a kid. But I guess that’s because I figured no one would be able to stand me for long, no one would actually accept me for who I am. But, that’s not really right, huh? Since you did that right from the start. I’ve known that for ages but guess it didn’t really sink in until now.

Call it childish innocence or whatever, but you accepted me even back then when I was broody and angry and maybe a little murderous. You knew who I was, my history, my dreams, and you didn’t laugh or run away or anything like that. You smiled that stupid smile of yours and just accepted me, all of me.

Here I am about to— about to leave , and it’s because there’s a whole fucking WORLD out there that can’t seem to do the same thing a five year old noble brat could — no offense.

And y’know, if that’s the closest I get to love then I’ll take it. Hell, maybe I even love you too. Actually, no. I don’t think maybe is even a factor anymore. Seems stupid now that I think about it, but I probably loved you even back then. From the very start. Little late to be figuring that out now, huh?

They’re rushing me. Marine bastards.

I know I’ve talked a lot about, well, death. So many years spent just thinkin that I deserve it, just because of who my father was, but now that there’s this whole messed up world agreeing with me, is it wrong that I’m— fuck — I’m scared Sabo. Absolutely terrified and there’s nothing I can do about it. All these years I’ve practically asked for it and now—

I know it’s late to start saying this, way too late now, but Sabo, I want to live.

I want to do so much with my life than this. I want to explore more, see more. I want— I want what I can’t have anymore. And it sucks. It really fucking sucks, but this is how it ends for me. Goin out the same way my shitty pops did. Apparently. What a sick joke this all is.

But I'm running out of time now. Guess I’ve spent what time I had. Garp knows what to do with this after... after everything. I know it won't matter in the end, but I think all of these should be together, y'know? Just in case. It's nice to know that he still considered me family, even now. He's the only one here that seems to actually care. You would think these assholes would cut me a little slack now that we’re here but I just… I don’t think it matters to them that I'm about to die. Not even a little bit. Shouldn’t hurt, but it does. I’m still human after all. Just like them. But maybe they don’t see it like that.

I’d pray for miracles but I don’t think there are any gods out there to help me. I still don’t think there are any gods at all. Doesn't really bode well for what comes after, huh?

Luffy’s going to be mad at me. I promised him that I wouldn’t die.

Maybe we can both watch over him though? You’ll probably be mad at me for saying this but a part of me is a little relieved. At the end. At least I’ll get to see you again, right? I don’t even know if we’ll both end up in the same place, but I can hope. I really, really hope. It’s selfish but I’m glad that I won’t be alone. I don’t want to be alone anymore.

    Ace

A Couple Years Too Late

Dear Ace,

         It’s been a while, has it not? I’m sorry, but man do I have some things to tell you.

If only I could tell you.

I got your letters. Well, more like I found your letters. Stored away in a box at our old tree house. Can you believe it’s still intact after all these years? Pretty good for a couple of kids huh?

.

.

.

Dear Ace,

         I’m sorry. I can’t believe I stopped so soon. Not even a couple sentences in and I had to leave the room. What an idiot. Let me start again.

Hey Ace. How are you? Are you eating well? Getting enough rest? You have to make sure to take care of yourself, I’m not there to nag at you anymore now. You’re all grown up. I sound like such a parent I’m sorry. I just care and want the best for you. I got your letters. I’m sorry the delivery took so long. Way too long. It’s a shame this is how we reunite. I hoped I could have seen you at least once before

.

.

.

Dear Ace,

          I did it again. At this rate I’ll clean out Headquarter’s paper supply. I’m sorry. It’s just, every time I write, my vision gets blurry and I can’t see anymore. How can I properly reply to you if I don’t know what I’m writing? Would be embarrassing if I had a bunch of spelling mistakes especially since I’m the one that taught you how to write.

Speaking of which, you’ve gotten a lot better! I can see from the different letters you wrote. It makes me happy to see that, shows you practiced a lot. Did you help Luffy too? I only taught him so much before I left, I’m sorry. It must’ve been hard on you.

It must have been really hard on you…

I’m sorry. I keep speaking nonsense. I just don’t know where to begin, what to say. This is the third time I’m trying to write to you and you are right—it’s pretty stupid. Maybe a part of me is just hoping that the same thing will happen with you. That you’ll get this letter in 10 years or so and then maybe we could meet again, somewhere in this wide ocean.

Or maybe somewhere in skies up above.

I can dream, right?

.

.

.

Hey Ace, Is this how you felt? When you wrote every one of those letters, did it hurt this badly each time? I’m sorry, I should’ve come to get them sooner. Maybe I wouldn’t even be writing this right now if I had. Maybe you wouldn’t have had to write them if I had come sooner. I’m sorry. I really made it hard for you huh? I’m happy you wrote though. It feels as if you are here, talking to me. Telling me of your struggles, your adventures. All the good and the bad—even though I already knew some of this. I’m happy for you Ace. Truly I am. I wish I could’ve been there when you sailed out to sea, we could’ve sailed out together. Met your first crew, that I wouldn’t be a part of because I would have had a better crew.

When you found a family .

I’ll have to visit them one day, and properly thank them. It’s the least I can do.

Hey, remember the declarations we made back at the cliff? I still haven’t done mine, been busy, it’ll probably take a while. Still, you did yours did you not? You let the whole world know who you were. Fire Fist Ace, that’s a pretty cool name they gave you. You were always the better big brother so I’m not surprised you beat me to it. Mine’s a little bit harder so cut me some slack okay?

Weird how the past couple days I struggled to write and now it’s all just pouring out, I’m sorry it’s such a mess of words. I still don’t know what to really say. My vision is still blurry but I’m fighting through it. I’m sorry the paper may be a little wet.

…I’m sorry.

Twelve times. Twelve times I’ve said those two words but nothing changes, nothing will change. I’ve come to that conclusion. Took me a while.

A long while.

It’s been two years or so since you left. Every night I have the same dream. And every time you’re always out of reach. Every single night I wonder “Would things have been different if I was there?” People kept telling me there’s no right answer to that.

Would you be alive right now if I had remembered just a little sooner?

Ah that’s right. I haven’t told you. I didn’t think it would matter if you knew since it wouldn't change anything, I’m sorry. Thirteen. I lost my memories. Pretty shitty thing for me to do right? I know. While you were suffering I didn’t even know you were a part of my life. While you died, I paid no mind because I didn’t know. You must be really mad at me. For forgetting so easily.

And then life rewards me my memories when I see your death mention in the papers. That’s pretty fucked up huh? Maybe I should’ve looked at the papers sooner.

Hey Ace, do you know now? Is it pretty up there where you are? Have you met your mom? She’s up there too right? I’m sure she is. If there is a Heaven I know you’re there. Regardless of what people say, what they may have called you, Heaven is where you belong. The image of an angel truly suits you, you know. Maybe you always were an angel, and god sent you down to me. Can I let you in on a little secret? Thanks to you, I was able to become who I am today. If I hadn’t met you that day you pulled me out of the Grey Terminal I probably would’ve been back in that castle, suffering. You changed my life for the better and I’m eternally grateful. And seeing as you brought it up first; I love you too. Always did. Even during my amnesiac years, I’m sure that part of me was still there. Loving you even if it didn’t remember you. Sad that we’re sharing such things now huh? It’s almost laughable. Yet not even a smile comes to my face right now… What am I saying? I’m sorry, I ramble a lot.

Fourteen.

It’s been almost two years since then Ace and the pain just gets worse. Does it ever go away? Did it ever go away for you? It’s like a nail is constantly being hammered into my chest. Some days they slam the hammer harder than others. Some days they slam it so hard I can barely breathe… I can cover it up better than before at least, can function in my daily life. Oh yeah—I’m a Revolutionary, have I told you that yet?

Do you think if this world was different, you would still be alive? I wonder.

Are these letters really supposed to help? The only thing it’s helping with is making the pain worse. Will you even read this? Maybe if I send it flying high enough, will it reach you? Or maybe you're watching me right now as I write it? If you are then well…

I miss you.

God I miss you so much.

It’s not fair. Why did you have to be the one to leave? My first friend, best friend, my partner, my brother, my… There are so many things I want to share with you. I want to see you again. See you smiling, laughing, angry—I just want to see you. Even if it’s just one more time.

Would it have been better if I had died that day? Would I be with you right now? I’ve had that thought so many times. And maybe I tried to join you…so many times.

But I’ve thought a lot. Luffy is still out there is he not? I can’t just leave our little brother like that. I’ve already fucked up enough as it is. Even if he hates me, pushes me away and never wants to see me again—I’ll protect him. I asked you to take care of him before, now it’s my turn.

By the way, I’ll be visiting you soon—no, not like that. Sadly. I’ve avoided doing it for a while because I didn’t want to believe it but I think it’s time now.

I’m sorry…that I can’t be with you, not yet. But you aren’t alone. I may not be next to you, but I’m always thinking of you. Every waking moment and every time I close my eyes. You’re there.

Fifteen.

We’ll meet again soon. There are just some things I have to take care of here first. It may sound a little selfish but please wait for me okay? Just a little longer.

         Sabo

[dragon-moms]

Entry 177 - Merry

Dear Diary,

Today was a good day!

Clementine couldn’t stay the whole time, though.

“I’m supposed to meet Tyrion for dinner, and fill him in on things,” Clementine said, tail swishing a little nervously at the door. “I probably won’t tell him everything, for your safety and all, but he at least needs to know the Egg is back with Mom…”

“That is quite alright. We understand,” Myrmidon said.

“Yeah!” I said. “We’re just glad we got to see you again, you know?”

Clementine nodded. “I’ll visit again next time I have a day off.”

“Hey, Clemmy,” Flare said. He’d been keeping his distance since the whole thing the other day… I didn’t know if that was the right move or not, Diary, but maybe space is useful? Some time to think?

“Yeah?” Clementine said, turning to look at him.

Flare immediately looked like he lost what he wanted to say. He reached for the little symbol on his chest, but then stopped himself. “We should talk some time, probably. Like, brother-talk and stuff,” he said.

“...probably so,” Clementine said.

“So let’s do that when we can… and… I’m sorry… and I hope I can make it up to you.”

Clementine smiled a little. “Pretty genuine for once.”

“What! I’m always genuine!” Flare said.

Clementine chuckled. “Yeah, we’ll talk soon, if you want. Take care, okay?”

“Yeah!” Flare said, smiling.

Clementine left, and Flare nodded to himself, clearly pleased.

“It seems like Flare has taken appropriate measures,” Myrmidon said, smiling. “I do hope my council was helpful.”

“Oh, I’m sure it was!” I said, smiling. “You’re really good like that, you know?”

“I am glad you think so, my sweetest…” they said.

We spent some time reading to the Eggs, and then we made dinner! It was a very relaxing, honestly, Diary… besides the cramped space, I’m getting used to being here… I don’t know if that’s good or bad… I was comfortable back before they started searching for Philly too, and that didn’t turn out too well… but I’m going to do my best to relax, all the same! Gloria and Nobody and Maude are doing stuff to help, right? I can trust them. And I need to be ready when it’s my turn to do something again! Right, Diary?

As Myrmidon and I were finishing up dinner, I heard someone open the door. There were no sound of wings, so I jumped a little.

“Ah, I do believe that’s Coral,” Myrmidon said, adjusting the Egg in their grip as both it and Gloria’s Egg glowed happily. “She said she should be done sorting her haul around dinnertime.”

“Right!” I said. “I sort of forgot she got home…” I said. Coral had kind of snuck in, ate some leftovers I saved for her, and slept yesterday! We hadn’t really gotten to talk to her! Then again, maybe she just wanted private time with Maude, after being away for awhile… it seems like she has a hard job, Diary.

“Well, perhaps that should be a goal of dinner today, to get to know her better,” Myrmidon said. “I believe Maude said she would be late getting home once more.”

“Oh yeah, maybe!” I said. “I honestly don’t know that much about her… or Maude, really, besides that she’s, like… Gloria’s really good friend?”

“I believe they are lovers, my sweetest,” Myrmidon said.

“Oh, yeah, I guess so…” I said, thinking about it while I stoked the fire a little hotter.

“Something smells good!” Coral said. “Ya’ll seem to have taken over Maude’s kitchen quite effectively.”

“Hi Coral!” I said, smiling. “I hope that’s okay? We’re just trying to be useful.”

“No complaints here,” Coral said. “Especially when Maude’s going to be late again… I never really got the hang of cooking with fire and all that once I moved up here with her.” She laughed and slapped me on the back with a fin. “Way easier just to gut the fish and whatnot than all this!”

“I-I don’t know about all that…” I said. “There’s a lot of little tricks there, you know? I’m not very good at Blue-style dishes…”

“Eh, you’re probably right, but I wasn’t any good at that either,” Coral said, chuckling. “Anyway, you girls have fun, I’m going to get off my fins for a bit and relax. Looking forward to eating whatever that is, though.”

“Ah, I am a girl, now?” Myrmidon asked me as Coral disappeared out of the kitchen and down into the underwater part of the place.

“Well, I mean, you’re a Mom now…” I said. “But I guess that doesn’t make you a girl?”

“No, I do not believe so. Not just a girl,” Myrmidon said, and then quietly, more to theirself, than anything. “And you are okay with that, of course.”

“How could I not be okay with such a caring cutie, you know?” I asked.

Myrmidon chuckled and smiled. “Yes, of course, my sweetest.”

“We should talk to her, maybe?”

“Yes, let’s, when we can get some time alone,” Myrmidon said.

At dinner, Nobody ate quickly, like usual. “It’s really good,” she said. “But I have to go. I’m working on a route so you can talk to the Queen.”

“Me?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Nobody said. “I mean, it’s your Egg, and you’re the one that got everyone into this mess,” she said.

“Merry was simply doing what was right,” Myrmidon said.

“Yeah, I know,” Nobody said. “I’m on your fucking side at this point, remember? But still, you’ve got to talk to her.”

“Not alone,” Myrmidon said. “We will all go.”

“We’ll all be there, Merry,” Gloria said. “Well, maybe not Coral.”

Coral chuckled. “I mean, you never know! But I do have another haul coming up in a few days, so it might be up to ya’ll.”

“You’re doing plenty letting us stay here,” Gloria said.

“Glad you think so,” Coral said, taking another bite, smiling.

“Nobody, can I come tonight?” Flare asked.

“No,” Nobody said.

“But you took Mommy the other day!”

“No,” she repeated.

“You’re going to need me, before the end,” Flare said. “And I mean, I’m the hero! I should be doing the dangerous stuff.”

Nobody sighed. “What, your god or whatever told you that? That I’d need you?”

Flare nodded happily.

Nobody took a breath. “Tomorrow. I got stuff I can still get done tonight. But if you’re sure and you’ll not blow my cover, we’ll go take a look at it and see what your god has to say.”

“Really!” Flare said, excited.

“Well, I mean, you got them all into the Queen’s chambers last time,” Nobody said.

Flare rushed over and gave her a hug.

“Nope! Nevermind!” Nobody called and extracted herself. “I’m leaving!”

“I’ll be ready for tomorrow!” Flare said, still excited.

“Nope!” Nobody said, and hurried outside.

Flare sat back down, grinning widely.

Soon, we’d finished eating, and Gloria had taken both Eggs, saying she needed to spend more time with hers and she might as well watch both if she was watching! So once Myrmidon and I had finished washing the dishes, I wasn’t really sure what to do!

Coral had settled down, reading a book. Myrmidon gave me a look that suggested we should have our chat that we talked about earlier. So we went over to her.

“Hi, Coral,” I said, smiling.

“Hey, what’s happening?” she said, smiling over the top of the book.

“What are you reading?” I asked, looking at the cover. The title was “Eight Hundred Years of Innovation: An Autobiography.”

“Oh, nothing,” Coral said. “Just about this jerk who took over the Magic-Workers Union and changed all the rules to mess people up. Must admit I’m hate-reading it. He thinks he’s so clever.” She chuckled.

“Do you read a lot of books, Coral?” Myrmidon asked.

“Oh, sure,” Coral said. “I mean, you fall in love with an archivist you get books thrown at you all the time.” She laughed. “You would not believe how many months it took of Maude shoving books into my fins before she figured out my tastes, but hey.”

“Why would you read a book you hate, though?” I asked. That didn’t seem like much fun at all, Diary!

Coral just kind of shrugged and smiled. “Sometimes it’s good to get riled up at those you need to be riled up at, is all.”

“We do not mean to disturb you, but if we could, there is something I feel we need to discuss momentarily,” Myrmidon said.

Coral put the book down. “Shoot.”

“Ah, well, you called me a girl earlier and I am not certain that is particularly accurate,” Myrmidon said.

“That so? Maude said you were using ‘mom’ so I just figured,” Coral said. “Sorry about that. I’ll get it right in the future.”

“It is quite alright,” Myrmidon said, smiling, glad to have it over.

“Been away from the ocean for too long, if I’m thinking in binaries,” Coral said, chuckling. “But yeah, seriously, I make any other mistakes, ya’ll tell me, alright? I know ya’ll are on the run or whatever but there’s no reason for anyone to feel uncomfortable about silly things like that.”

“You’ve never talked to me,” Dagger’s voice said. “That’s uncomfortable.”

Coral jumped and put a fin to her chest. “Geez…”

“Yeah, I’m terrifying…” Dagger’s voice said softly.

“Do not fear, that is simply my sibling, Dagger,” Myrmidon said.

“Maude mentioned something about a ghost,” Coral said. “Uh, hi… nice to meet you, Dagger.”

Dagger appeared next to Coral. “Hi… sorry I was quiet…”

“It’s alright,” Coral said.

“Yeah, I’m sure it’s just fine!” I said. “We know you’re shy, you know?”

“I’m… not...” Dagger started, and then faded a little bit, embarrassed.

“Ey are a really great artist!” I said, smiling. “Ey paint all kinds of stuff!”

Coral laughed. “I was wondering where all these sketches were coming from. There’s a whole stack of them on the shelf now.”

“I get bored…” Dagger said. “Sorry…” Ey disappeared.

“Nothing to apologize for,” Coral said, unsure where to talk now that Dagger was gone. “They’re great stuff.”

“I am sure ey heard you,” Myrmidon said, smiling.

Coral chuckled. “I always felt boring compared to Maude, just hauling stuff this way and that across the ocean, but dang, you all really make me feel that with a vengeance.”

“That’s not true!” I said. “I mean, I’m not interesting at all, you know?”

Coral laughed. “I highly doubt that!”

It was about then that Maude finally got home, looking a bit tired. “Hey, Coral,” she said, smiling softly.

“Hey there,” Coral said, getting up and grinning. “Have to excuse me, a beautiful woman just walked in.”

“Of course,” Myrmidon said, smiling.

Coral seems pretty nice, Diary! I hope I can be better friends with her and Maude once this is all over… if I can convince the Queen...

No, no, I have to believe it’s going to be over, Diary. It’ll all work out! Everyone is working so hard! I have to too!

You believe I can do it, don’t you, Diary?

I think today was a 7, maybe!

Goodnight, Diary!

[iabsolutelyresentthiswebsite]

Why Reylo Should DEFINITELY NOT Happen

Is this an unpopular opinion now?

Disclaimer: I am not anti-Kylo. I love Kylo Ren for the potential his character does have (view profile picture!). I do not excuse any of his actions, but I do understand that had he not been mentally fucked by Snoke as an impressionable adolescent and had he not pushed away everyone who cared about him and tried to help, he would not be in this mess. Very much Snoke’s fault, very much his own. I love Rey for the beautiful being and character she is. How strong she is, her emotionality, and her fierce and beautiful desires. I am a fan of both Rey and Kylo Ren, so please do not take this as me saying one is too good for the other. 

Well, everyone knows how very, very sure I am of myself when I say Rey is Rey Skywalker. This would make her Kylo’s first cousin, their parents being twins, so that is very, very fucked up to begin with. This is the MAJOR, and first, reason I was ever anti-Reylo. 

But let’s PRETEND she isn’t Rey Skywalker. Maybe she’s Rey Kenobi or Rey whatever. It doesn’t matter. Let’s PRETEND she’s not a Skywalker, even though that is so wildly unlikely. View the attached videos to the last few words to see why I say it is that.

Have you viewed the videos? No? Well, I suggest you do. But whatever…I don’t know your schedule nor your interest level in this. Anyway, moving on…

So I’m sure you’re wondering, “Why, if you love both of the characters and they weren’t related, would you not ship them together?”

Simple: Because it is insulting to their characters, detrimental to the character development they could potentially have, and ends Star Wars for good.

I can hear the jeering now, “Those are some WILD assertions. How can you prove this, OP?”

Dissertation:

We have only been just introduced to them as characters, so how would I truly understand their motivations and who they really are? Well, to tell you the truth, I am one of those people who knows who people are based on how they act and respond to situations. It’s easy for me to predict what you will want and how you will act later. If I am so confident after TFA that I am willing to put myself on the line for jeering and my opinion up to all criticism on this website littered with differing opinions, I must be pretty confident that I know what I’m talking about. Especially true because I avoid conflict at pretty much all cost. So here goes…

Kylo Ren is a child trapped in a man of 30′s body. He pushed everyone who loved him away and was brainwashed by someone who cared only about what he could do for them. Kylo Ren’s main desire is that he wants to be wanted, he wants someone to be proud of him. He is unstable, unpolished, and very, very frightened…of Snoke, of himself, and of what he feels inside him. He is not emotionally mature enough, at least at this point, to handle a romantic relationship…at least a healthy one, one that which Rey would hypothetically deserve. And even though Kylo is allegedly more “polished” in TLJ, deep-seated fears like those just don’t go away. 

Rey is a grown adult. She grew up alone by nothing more than circumstances brought on by her parents, of whom we don’t (but probably do) know. Rey is 19…probably 21 by this movie…and has dealt with way too much in her life. She is emotional, but strong. She is fiercely loyal and desires nothing greater than to belong somewhere and feel that she belongs. She has every capability to have a healthy romantic relationship, but she doesn’t seem to really push for that. She desires friends and companionship and belonging, but not…a romantic relationship. At some point may she? Probably, but she doesn’t seem like the type of person, in my opinion, to prioritize a romantic entanglement. She is just getting her footing in the new world outside of Jakku. 

Now, keep all that in mind while I explain why it’s insulting to their characters and the franchise itself!

I am writer myself. I am, admittedly, predominantly a songwriter. I have written screenplays and short stories and whatnot…you may have seen one of my screenplay ideas for Kylo Ren’s redemption because I did, at one point, post a few of them on Tumblr. However, not the point. 

I took a screenwriting class about 2 years ago in college. Stay with me here! There was one time, I remember, we had an assignment for a short screenplay. I was writing a story…I don’t remember about what exactly, but I remember how much trouble I was having in keeping it within the time limit and due date I had. Finally, I had 3 days left to hand it in and still was trying to think of a decent way to end it. I had ideas and ideas that I loved, but the only thing that fit within the page limit and that would allow me to hand it in on time was the ending I hated…but it was the only choice I had at this point. I did it. I had the main antagonist fall in love with the main protagonist. I hated myself for it and it dissected their characters and destroyed the story, but I did it. I handed that paper in on time and in the page limit I had. 

You see what I’m getting at, don’t you?

I used…a cop-out. 

And that’s what endgame Reylo is. 

A cop-out. 

A cop-out is, as I’m sure you all know, something you do when you have no other choice or can’t think of a way to bring about your next goal. You do it because you gotta do it to make what you want happen happen. In this case, making Reylo canon would bring about a natural close to the saga. 

But at what cost?!

Star Wars, as I’m sure we’re all aware, is littered with themes that extend back to the beginning time of storytelling. Good versus evil being the most notable theme, familial love, love in general. A lot of basic AF themes, but all good stories tend to have similar themes. We all know that because there are truly only 6-8 real stories in life and cinema. You can only have so many good things. 

Now, TROPES are a different monster all together. Redemption is a trope that Star Wars utilizes a lot and that’s okay because it makes sense and grounds their good versus evil theme. Also, the Star Wars universe is so expansive and well-designed that it’s even kind of difficult to identify the trope until you really step back and say…”…huh.” It’s fine to utilize some tropes in wonderful movies. Don’t get me wrong…

But not when it sacrifices your characters. 

The trope I will be talking about now is the one in which “the bad guy falls in love with the good girl and shirks his bad ways to make her happy and be with her”. We all know what I’m talking about. And we all know how played out it is. We’re all tired of it.

How many movies have we seen this year with the very same endgame trope? 12? more? I don’t know, I barely go to the movies anymore. 

Do you want Kylo Ren and Rey’s character identity as it stands and their potential character development to devolve, which that’s what it is, into a romantic endgame? 

That is my question for you. 

Kylo Ren has the potential to pull a Vader and decide for himself, with the help of the people whom he pushed away earlier and those new friends, that what he’s doing is wrong. Darth Vader decided that when his son’s life, whom believed steadfastly in his goodness, was threatened that what he was doing was wrong and changed because he wanted to. Luke did not coerce, did not guilt, did not even truly fully persuade Darth Vader to turn back. But having Rey profess her love or even Kylo admit he is in love as a method of change is such a disservice to both of their characters. You are eliminating the fact that Kylo Ren must take responsibility for what he’s done and make amends as necessary. 

To degrade Rey’s very presence in the series to a method to bring about change in her male counterpart is disgusting to me. Her potential to grow as a Force-user, her potential to be stronger than Luke, her potential to be her own person is GONE. We all know this to be true. Once she becomes the object of the male villain’s affections, she becomes a sex symbol, she becomes nothing more than an object, and she is now forever thought of as “Kylo Ren’s Girlfriend” and not “Rey”. She becomes his property in the thoughts and minds of fans and those not fans because she loses her own name when that happens because now all that matters is the relationship. 

To use a female of Rey’s caliber to FORCE CHANGE in a male such as Kylo is reprehensible because it negates his need for true redemption, for taking responsibility, for fighting back from the Darkness. We all know Kylo needs to show effort because of who he is. He is denying and fighting the light, so therefore, he needs to fight the Darkness even harder. But…

If they fall in love…we all know, that’s all that will be remembered. 

Not who Rey really is. Not what she could have been. Not Kylo’s struggle to turn back. Not his betrayal of Supreme Leader Snoke. 

It’s all just them falling in love now…

Do you want that for Star Wars?

Because you know that’s what would happen. “Search your feelings, you know it to be true.” 

I, personally, would not want that for this amazing franchise that has literally brought people joy for 40 years. 

Aside from that, if they did fall in love and potentially go on to have children, that would be the end of Star Wars. 

I know Return of the Jedi was kind of that way too. ROTJ was really a nicely tied bow on top of a Christmas present, sealing the whole Saga of 6 (yeah, I know ROTJ came out before the Prequels!)

TFA is really a second Christmas present for someone. 

Since X, XI, and XII are all confirmed, if Kylo and Rey get together in IX, I do not see where they could go from there, especially considering they’re probably intending to follow the formula from before where the first saga was Anakin and Luke’s story, this saga really couldn’t be Kylo and Rey’s. IX would feel too final for people to want to rehash and reopen the gift. They’d lose viewers. They’d lose revenue. They’d lose our trust. If something feels too final, people won’t want to come back to it. That’s the problem with older people not liking TFA and the new trilogies. ROTJ was too final. But now that we have this and I’m open-minded to the new story, I’m all in…but 

THEY HAVE TO DO IT RIGHT.

And Reylo is not the right way. 

It would bring everything to a natural close before its time. I don’t know if I’d want to come back to SW after that because I don’t see the potential for a future in the series with that as a trilogy-closer. 

Now, I’m done. I’m just trying to let you all see what I’m seeing here. The quote that Rian Johnson made in the NYT that “Rey and Kylo are really two sides of the same protagonist” is the truth, but it, in no way, alludes to Reylo becoming canon. If anything, it alludes to: 1) Kylo’s Redemption or 2) Rey’s Turn to the Dark Side. 

Now please understand…I’m not trying to make y’all feel anything if you ship Reylo. This is just how I feel and how a lot of others feel. I’m very Pro-Kylo and very Anti-Reylo and I admit that. But I have legitimate reasons and legitimate concerns for the future of the franchise if Reylo sets sail. 

[rarespine]

What Lurks Below

I’m going to die. Plain and simple, the end of the road is pretty near for me. I’m floating around in space, alone inside the small scavenger ship that has been my home for what feels like an eternity now. I have no idea what time it is, or even what day it is… But honestly, does that really matter? It’s all the same out here in the empty black void, and the concept of time is now lost on me. At some point, I was heading back to Earth after an intensely bad asteroid mining run… but now getting home is just a pipe dream.

So here I am, propped up in the pilots chair with nothing but a pen, an old instruction manual to write on, and a story to tell. I’ve got limited ship power to spare, so the ship’s systems have all been powered down save for life support and basic dimmed lighting – and they won’t last much longer by my estimation. So I better get this thing done. If someone out there happens to be reading this over my dead body… Give me a proper send off, please?

Now, being a one man crew wasn’t initially the plan, but being a one man operation does mean 100% of the profits, right? I’m such an idiot. Plus, do you want to know what the real kicker is? I’m losing my mind. I’m going insane. I’m actually going bat-shit crazy with what I’ve seen and heard!

It all started happening during an otherwise routine mining expedition. I had been feeling a bit more tired and lethargic than usual, but I put that down to needing time to acclimate back to space – Life out here is a lot different than back at my apartment in Neo Melbourne (The Australian Empire represent!... how I miss it). I had discovered a small asteroid field in the region between Jupiter and Saturn, way beyond the usual hotspots in the asteroid belt on the other side of good ol’ Jupe. It wasn’t a United Galaxy Federation sanctioned zone, but what they didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them.

The trip wasn’t much of a problem for my (admittedly tiny) ship’s FTL drive, but there was always the concern about space pirates. A risk I was willing to take for a big score of course… and boy did I find one. After combing through the field for a little while, I found a small group with several small objects and one massive asteroid. Like, I’m talking unusually huge here for what is normally seen inside sanctioned mining zones.

There was a shimmer about it too, an almost neon reflective glow to it as you moved around it. The rock almost seemed to be stuck in place, as though it was unmoving and held still by an invisible hand. I was honestly a bit unsettled at first, but that quickly gave way to excitement. Big score! One big thought came to mind; could this potentially be some kind of exotic material that nobody has seen before, or at the very least an extremely rare mineral? I had to collect some of this and take it back home, make a big score, and then sneak back to my little secluded spot for more!

Now, I know my ship is far too small to be making any kind of safe operation on such a large and potentially unstable rock, but I could not pass up this seemingly once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I went in very slowly and carefully towards the asteroid, and when my landing gear made contact with the side of it, the ship shuddered violently as if the asteroid was trying to shake it off. I honestly thought she was going to tear in half! All told that lasted only several seconds and then everything instantly calmed down. Nerves pretty rattled, I decided to get on with it. This turned out to be another stupid move.

I prepared the ship’s drilling instruments to do their thing, and after a bit of messing about with control panels and whatnot, got the job started. As soon as the drills hit the rock there was an immense sound; a painfully strong echo that shook the ship and pained the ears. I’ll never forget the sound – it was as though a thousand orca whales cried… no, screamed out in unison. It was a horrific sound.

Next thing I knew, I woke up floating around the ship. I had blacked out and the gravity module in the ship was knocked offline. I don’t know exactly how long I was out for, but I was still on the rock and the ship was subtly shaking – no, more like vibrating. My ears were still ringing like mad, and upon closer inspection with my fingers, had bled due to ruptured eardrums. However long I had blacked out for, it was enough time for the blood to clot and dry.

I gathered myself as best I could and made plans to get off this thing. Whatever was wrong with this asteroid, I wanted nothing to do with it. After trying to retract the drilling instruments (they wouldn’t retract and snapped off… of course!), I decided to just get the hell out of here. As the ship’s landing gear released its suction pads and took off, I rolled the ship facing where I had landed to see the damage. Sure enough, my drills were still down there – snapped off and stuck in the surface. But that wasn’t the thing that caught my attention the most. Long cracks spread out from the impact point the drills had made, and these went further up the surface then I could see from my viewpoint. These long cracks originating from such a small and insignificant hole left behind by the drills. It made no sense!

I decided not to give it much more thought and to just get the heck out of there. It was then that I noticed it wasn’t my ship that was slightly vibrating – it was the asteroid. Since logic had gone out the window the moment I saw this thing, I didn’t want to think about it any longer.

Initially I full throttled the ship out of there, but once I got far enough away to feel a bit safer, slowed her right down to do a diagnostics check. She was in a bad way, but still workable. My Faster-Than-Light warp drive was still functioning, which meant getting home shouldn’t be a problem. What was an issue, however, was that the systems power was draining far quicker than it had any right to be. Not being a trained engineer, I had no idea where to even start with it. But a few simple math problems later, I realised I’d have enough to FTL out of here and to get at least within orbit of Earth before the ship went into forced emergency power mode. After finally reaching a safe enough FTL spot, I spun it up and prepared to jump.

Vital Systems functional? Check. Gravity back on? Not vital but far more comfortable. So check. FTL drive stable? Check. Ship hull integrity at a safe level? Check!

With all these sorted out, I strapped in and pressed the engage button. I completed my jump and landed some way off the designated jump zones behind the Moon. Calculations were either off or the FTL malfunctioned. Worse still, I felt awful. Now, usually FTL travel is unpleasant and a bit nauseating at the best of times. It’s normal and all part of the experience. But this time, it was a totally different sensation.

Something was very, very wrong with me. My vision became really blurred, so much so that I couldn’t make out anything around me. I felt around my seat buckles and freed myself, moving out of the chair. As soon as I stood up, I fell to the ground instantly and heard the painful orca-like screaming once again. This time I didn’t just black out, no… This time I was somewhere else entirely.

Near instantaneously I was somewhere else, standing inside of a run-down and seemingly abandoned home. The room was near completely dark except for a corner of the room bathed in red light from the window opposite. I could see the paint peeling off the walls, holes the size of fists throughout and a mess of furniture such as a cradle strewn over the rotting floorboards. At this point I was one-hundred-percent sure I had lost my mind. I was probably dead in actuality. Yep, this must have been hell.

I glanced out the window and was met with the most surreal sight I’ve ever witnessed in my life. Blood red skies lined with pitch black and grey clouds, above what can only be described as utter chaos. Wherever this was, it was now unrecognisable. This could have been any of the planets that had matured human colonies and countries on them. It was then that I started hearing strange chanting. Subtle and muted at first, but quickly becoming louder and louder until I couldn’t even hear myself think. My hands instinctively cupped tightly over my ears as I made my way into other areas of the home. The sounds appeared to be coming from a room down a small flight of stairs – leading into the basement.

I wanted to run and to hide for my own safety and sanity. But yet something was drawing me towards the basement. A strange sound that appeared to underline the ongoing chanting, yet not at all in rhythm with it, and almost as if it was talking to me through its strange, incomprehensible whispers. A mix of whispering and guttural sounds all mixed into one blood chilling theme. Yet somehow it soothed me, removing all fear and feelings and placing my whole being into a numb and trance-like state. My legs began moving against my will, heading towards the basement door. One step, two steps, all the way down. The chants got louder and louder while the whispers continued to numb, and in my tranced state I slowly and calmly placed my hand upon the door handle and turned it.

The view from inside the basement became clear. Seven human figures adorned in black robes circled around a makeshift altar. It was as if these people had watched far too many old world movies, for they hit all the tropes. The stone altar was long in width; almost a bed, and covered in intricate markings and rune-like symbols. Even in the dim of the candle-lit room, these markings glowed with a bright orange-red, almost fire-like appearance.

Only one of the hooded figures stopped chanting and turned to face me when I opened the door. They pulled back their hood to reveal an older human woman with short brown hair. She stared at me for just a moment before her wrinkled mouth curled into a wicked smile. She motioned to the altar and right on command my body obeyed the order, slowly walking towards it.

I felt nothing. No fear, no sense of danger. I was trapped in a world of numbness. The strange whispers kept me dull and sedated. I reached the altar and turned to look at the old woman. She reached out and placed the palm of her left hand against my forehead, but only for a moment before motioning to lie down on the altar.

Unable to resist, and incapable of logical reasoning, I immediately did as was asked of me. Lying down and staring up at the wooden framed ceiling. Feeling absolutely no sense of dread or fear, while the hooded figures gathered closer, held me down and tied my arms and legs to hooks in the floorboards. That was, of course, until the whispers stopped. In an instant I regained my senses, head darting from side to side, the recollection of what I’ve done coming to me and forcing me to realise what a terrible mistake I had just made. I tried to yell and scream but no sound escaped. I tried moving my arms and legs in an attempt to break free, but they were bound far too tightly – there was no escape.

The robed people’s chanting grew louder and more intense. The old woman adorned her hood once again and reached inside of her robe, pulling out a large sharp knife. The blade wasn’t your ordinary murdering instrument – the metal was etched with more of the fire-like runes all across the blade, as though a madman had scrawled and scribbled all over it.

The blade was positioned above the centre of my chest, two hands firmly gripped upon the handle. I stared at the tip of the knife with the cold realisation this was it for me. The knife rose slightly and then plunged down with force. As the intense pain hit me, my eyes rolled into the back of my head and I saw things; I heard things. Things I couldn’t believe or completely comprehend. I saw a planet in utter chaos. An earthquake the likes never before seen on any civilised planet, tearing up the surface and spewing molten lava from the incredible depths below. Ash and dust blot out any hint of a sun in the sky, and threw the entire planet into instant turmoil.

The whispers returned but this time I understood nearly every single word of it. It heralded the delivery of an unholy being from below, a creature born from that planets core, incubating like a developing chick ever since time existed for that planet. Growing stronger and maturing for a day and time that it would be released to wreak havoc upon anything that lived above. How did the people here get it all so wrong? How did they not know of this and discover this sooner?

The whispers spoke of each and every planet developing and housing such monstrosities. Every single creature that lived and survived above existed solely to unwittingly feed and nurture the hell beasts below.

Then… I saw it. For a split second I had visions witnessing the arrival of this demon. In that split second I saw a creature as tall as a skyscraper. Wings like a bat, but a body with thick stone-like hide. A head that looked like an experiment between a spider and a crocodile had gone horribly, horribly wrong. Twelve eyes that were as black as the void itself adorned its freakishly big and scaly head. Then it all faded to black.

Next thing I knew I was back on the ship. I had been on the ground, lying in a pool of my own vomit and saliva, staring blankly into nothingness until I regained awareness once again. My whole body ached as though an enormous weight had been upon me the entire time. My head spun; the things I saw and witnessed still swirling in my memory. I wanted it all to have been a horrible dream, but I couldn’t explain then, how I was able to feel that knife plunging into my chest, and the intense heat of the beast arriving from the depths below.

I managed to scramble to my feet and noticed that my auto-pilot had taken control. The metal blast doors on the windows had been released, obscuring any view from outside. The control panel blared with Danger warnings, warning about intense heat and radiation. It must have gone even further off course and gotten closer to some strange anomaly. I moved to override the blast door protocols for a peek outside the ship, and once one section was pulled up I was met with the worst sight of my life so far...

I saw a planet glowing deep crimson with billowing grey clouds. The heat through the ship windows was incredibly intense so I quickly released the blast windows once more. This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening, this can’t be happening…

I pulled up the FTL screen and punched in Earth’s co-ordinates, and was met with two of the worst possible error screens. Engine failure and destination already reached. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The realisation hit me that there was no recourse left for me. The once sacred green and blue planet was now red, grey and black.

So that’s my story. I honestly doubt anybody will be coming anywhere near this planet to even reach my ship, and that’s provided I don’t end up burning in “Earth’s” atmosphere in the first place. But whatever happened to me on this journey; whatever it was I saw in my visions… It happened. Which must mean that no planet is actually safe… Oh god… You have to warn the Federation!

-The End…?-

[dailynarutoimagines]

So can I request a scenario where Itachi accidentally found his female s/o's old diary and read the "to-do list" she wrote when she was younger and one of the task is "Getting married with Itachi Uchiha" with a big heart on it ? And how this event will eventually lead on a marriage proposal ? I leave the rest up to youuu

If you don’t mind I’m going to put this in a modern AU; it’s refreshing. :)

ALSO YOU HAVE A CAT SO NYAAAAAAAAA

Itachi enjoyed the quiet of [Name]’s apartment. Unlike his own, her building was full of older folks who tended to be on the soft side of life, ensuring a peaceful environment for the entire building. On top of that she had no roommates, and while Itachi liked Kisame, he found it refreshing to have some solitude to come back to at the end of the day.

[Name] had gone off for the weekend with some friends. She approached Itachi and asked to take care of her place and pet during her absence. How could he refuse? She was his girlfriend of many years now, and at some point he’d like to live with her, so might as well get a feel of her current place to see if he’d be moving in with her or vice versa.

His main function was to take care of the cat. [Name] had one cat named Slippers that was rather…pudgy. Itachi figured he could give Slippers a bit of exercise while [Name] was gone in an effort to restore some fitness to the ballooned tom cat. Thankfully the cat seemed to like him; Itachi had already developed an exercise routine that Slippers seemed to latch onto rather quickly. And at night when he would sit in bed reading, the cat would cuddle at his feet. Itachi figured it was good that he and [Name]’s pet were on good terms as then he didn’t have to contend with it when he eventually did move in with her.

It was one of the nights that Itachi was slipping under the covers, novel in hand. Slippers typically jumped straight atop the mattress and made a beeline for the pair of wiggling feet beneath the blankets, but this time he seemed to be poking his nose in the narrow crevice between the bed and the nightstand, meowing.

“What is it?” Itachi asked, unsure as to what the cat wanted. It was pawing at something wedged neatly in the crack, and when Itachi bent to pull the item out, he had no idea what a night of reading he was getting himself into.

He wiped a layer of dust off an old, beat up notebook. The metal spirals were coming undone at the ends while the corners of the cover were mere nubs. There was evident water damage to the edges of the paper, causing whatever ink inside to bleed slightly. Amused, Itachi opened to the first page, which read:

“Property of [First] [Last]If found, please return to: [Address]And DO NOT PEEK! THIS IS A DIARY!”

A diary…? Itachi wondered. He tried to find a date; in the top right corner of the first entry he found a date indicating that the diary was at least five years old.

That’s around when we first started dating…. Curiosity was now at boiling point within Itachi as he begin to meticulously page through the first few entries, scanning the text. He was unsure of whether or not to read it, however, as he felt like it may breach [Name]’s privacy, since he did not have permission to read it. He turned towards Slippers who was now nestled comfortably next to the headrest next to where Itachi would be sitting.

After a few moments of hesitation, Itachi decided to go ahead. He may find something useful in the diary that he could remember for special occasions and whatnot, and perhaps get perspective into his and [Name]’s relationship like never before. Settling in next to Slippers, Itachi began on the first page:

“March 18th, XX95Dear Diary,You won’t believe what just happened today! My friend Makiko and I were studying in the library, and since it is finals right now, every desk was occupied. A lot of people were sharing tables and spaces simply because everyone is so intent on passing their exams. We were studying for our Konoha History class - which, geez, I already took in high school, why do I have to take it again in college?! - when this really BEAUTIFUL gentleman comes over and asks if he can sit at our table as everywhere else is full. So OF COURSE we let him sit as he’s GORGEOUS, and it turns out he is just about to graduate, so he helped us with our history homework. Makiko already has a boyfriend so of course that only left me, hee hee.”

The entry went on to further describe what this gentleman looked like, and that’s when Itachi realized as he read:

“Apparently his name is Itachi, and he’s an Uchiha. No wonder he was so handsome! *sigh* I’ll probably never meet him again…”

He chuckled, recalling the moment when he first met [Name]. Indeed, the library was crowded that day, and it was as if fate set up that one spare spot so he could sit next to her. The rest became history.

Documented history.

Itachi read through the following passages with fervor, amused at how [Name] represented herself and her feelings on the page versus in real life. He found out some darker truths as well as many secret thoughts she had about him, most which were favorable. He had no idea how much time passed until he shuffled upward to adjust his back and caught a glimpse of the clock: 12:34 AM.

“…I better go to bed,” Itachi concluded. He didn’t want to set down his newfound book, but resolved that he’d enjoy it just as much tomorrow night. Before setting it aside, however, he flipped through the rest of the pages out of curiosity, just skimming the cinema of text and drawings…until the latter part of the book, where one fancy entry stood out:

“October 23rd, XX99Dear Diary,

Just some things to-do:

Travel to Kirigakure!

Graduate at the top of my class (or close)

Find a new favorite food

Pet Slippers more

Exercise Slippers more [Itachi snorted when he read this]

Get Married to Itachi Uchiha

I know that last one seems kinda crazy, Diary, but we’ve been together almost five years now…and he’s so wonderful. He’d make a great husband and my family likes him. We’ll see what happens.”

Itachi froze. Not only did he make the list, but the importance placed upon him was not subtle at all: encased in a large, decorated heart shape was his name. It was written in bubble lettering while the heart was carefully detailed with eyelet trim and drawn-in lace. But it was the words preceding his name that caught is attention.

Get married to…married. 

He decided not to think about it anymore; it was late at night after all, and he was beginning to tire. If it was still bugging him when he woke up, he’ll think about it then.

That was his resolve as he packed the diary away and extinguished the light.

The door creaked open slowly as Itachi and [Name] shuffled inside, hauling a suitcase and backpack over the threshold. Slippers sprinted up to greet the both of them, clearly more energetic than usual.

“Slippers!!” [Name] exclaimed, scooping the cat up into her arms. “Oh, Slippy-bippy, I missed you~”

Itachi smiled. “He was getting pretty fed up with me by the end of it.”

“Nonsense, Slippers considers you part of the family now! Although he seems to have lost a little weight…Itachi, have you been exercising him?”

Releasing the cat, [Name] and Itachi continued to hobble in with the luggage, the latter explaining to her Slipper’s new exercise routine.

“…Laser on the wall, back and forth, for five minutes - every other day. Space it out so he won’t get bored of it too quick,” Itachi said, shifting the large suitcase in place next to [Name]’s bed. As he placed it, his eyes momentarily traced over the little nook where the diary sat - the diary that Itachi read front to back by now.

His mind was quickly overtaken once again with [Name]’s return that he couldn’t think much more of it. Besides, he had spent the rest of the week dismantling all the thoughts she had penned down there - especially that one entry in October of last year. He couldn’t get it out of his mind, and it haunted him even as he watched [Name] glide through the apartment, unaware of Itachi’s thoughts.

Little did she know that he was about to do something about it.

Later that evening, Itachi wondered if she was up to traveling to the University where they first met.

“It’s a short walk,” [Name] mused. “Why there, Itachi-kun?”

“…There is a book that I can only get there, and I’m curious to see if my Student ID will still take.”

“Ha, that’s cute, you book-hunter,” she replied. “I’m sure it will. C’mon, let’s go before it gets too dark!”

 It was indeed a short walk, and within the hour the pair had arrived inside the library of the past.

Itachi ascended the staircase that led to the second floor, the floor where he met [Name] and an innocuous table. He pretended to browse through some shelves, but was real intent was to lead [Name] to the exact table where they first met - which was done without much persuasion. When she sat down, Itachi saw a light spark in her eyes.

“Hey…wait a second.” She said, eyeing Itachi curiously.

“Hmm?” He wondered if she had caught on at all.

“…This is the table where we first met,” she said, much to Itachi’s delight.

“Yes…and the book I’m looking for isn’t here,” he began, deciding it was time to break the truth. “But I did find what I was looking for already.”

[Name] cocked and eyebrow, clearly unaware to what Itachi was about to propose. In fact, his proposal was the proposal that she had seemingly been waiting for, as evident to her little diary entry in October.

“[Name]…” Itachi took a hold of her hand. “This place…this very table. It symbolizes beginnings for us. It is where we first met. Where we met several more times. And now look at us - five years strong. Perhaps this table can…represent a new beginning for the both of us?”

The room was still. As the shadows deepened outside, so did the darkness in the room, and the soft yellow of the lamplight around them glowed ardently around them. No one but Itachi and [Name] were present.

“Itachi…” [Name] ventured. “Are you…?”

He nodded, squeezing her hand tight.

“[Name]…I think we’re ready. Let us get married.”

And…check off one part of your to-do list.

- Admin Rhia