#i am still in the today and wake up tomorrow and not in the today and wake up today moment so yes?
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“Still waiting; let me put you on hold for a minute says the phone or ai or robot whatever it is you trying to get shit done.
Okay we were able to ………
Fuck my phone just died and your system is rebooting and just spent quality time away from your day and your self worth for the day
just went shitty but that’s life I guess that why you just keep moving forward and make them call back and maybe I’ll answer them oops I must of lost a connection I’ll send it in the mail.
Don’t get caught up on small shit I think 🤔
Am I right or am I right it’s cool if this is just a way for you to say today just not your day
Then if you wake up the next day guess what you got it another free play; life is still good !
You still there !!
It will get better or worse but you still playing the game of life. That’s what is good.
Stop freaking out… and of course people going to try to knock you off again tomorrow ; but that too is life you just breathe re focus and have the positive faith to move forward. If any those feelings relate feel free to share it if you want but just sharing wisdom that I share when your day is out of control just a bit.
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SOMEBODY SAVE HIM 🌽
#käärijä#shittttt why am i still awake#morning me is not gonna be happy i stayed up late just to draw some CORN AND PEAS KÄÄRIJÄ WHAT THE FUCK OMPPU#a wise adult would not do these things#looking forward to waking up at 5 am tomorrow aw yea#i was already delirious at work today laughing my ass off with my coworker whilst making shadow puppets on a mixer#i am a very good and dutiful employee yes yes#peas and corn käärijä
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can someone remind me to write up my thoughts about gallagher and the enigmata later or at least compile them somewhere i want to share it but also my Goodness i am sleepy as heck today and i have work tonight 😔
#and its a saturday so its gonna be busy asldfjkasdlkah#im just. im so sleepy man#and i have to wake up early too for work tomorrow so i just. Im going to Die between today and tomorrow count on it#but at least on monday-wednesday ill make myself catch up on sleep#love the work but on the downside MY SLEEP.....#i forgot if i said it here. idk where i was posting bro#but the other day i 100% the theme park and am close to 100% dewlight pavilion so i'll be nearly caught up with all information#that + still need to read#but im also nearly caught up with all the reading in penacony too so thats super fun and exciting !!#but because of that i have thoughts askjdfalh#most of it is towards gallagher and the past of penacony and the watchmaker but. you know alskdjfalskjh#avil plays hsr#hsr 2.1 spoilers#just in case o7#i will say though#its wild i havent run into any information regarding the dreammaster at all really#the one who adopted sunday and robin#who is the dreammaster? why does the dreammaster and watchmaker have beef with each other? whats going on?#where did the shift come from between the watchmaker being the father of penacony to the family being in charge#since the family and the watchmaker are kinda against each other#(shakes the game) I WILL KNOW YOUR SECRETS SOON ENOUGH. AS SOON AS I AM MORE AWAKE ITS OVER FOR YOU.#i wish i had someone to ramble about ideas with and like bounce off of#WE CAN SOLVE THE MYSTERIES OF PENACONY! TOGETHER!#and then probably get our asses killed too by getting to close to the legacy 😔✌🏼 itd be the way of the truth
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#today my therapist helped me realize that Ive been in freeze mode like all year#like therapy is always me talking things out and then realizing as I’m talking what the issue is and why it’s happening lol#I’ve felt so confident that I’m healed and in some ways I am but in others I still have so much work to do#and I think that has blinded me from seeing the work I still have to do like being kind to myself#I have set such high standards and expectations of myself that when things didn’t go as planned all at once#I just couldn’t handle not meeting my own expectations and became so overwhelmed on how to move forward that I got stuck#like duh that makes sense but also I have not shown myself grace at all like girl.#so I’m going to be extra soft and kind w myself rn bc I need it#and tomorrow I’m going to wake up and do my lil workout and be intentional and give myself the affirmation I need#I need this reminder to myself bc I deserve kindness and good things in my life every day#anyways.
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i love playing. video games. <-has jusgt spent the past 6 hours playing through a steam game called outcore. it is currently 4:15 am
#I LOVE THE HORRORS!!!! (collapses dead on the pavement)#anyways my original plan was to divide my first playthrough across today and tomorrow#while i was still alone in the house#but i remembered my mom would come home around 10am adn i usually wake up at like 9-10#so uh. i went all 'all or nothing'.#amd now i am very fucking tired. and hungry. oh my fucking god i havent eaten in 5 hours#aauugughhuh (unbearable pain)#anyways outsore is good i love giving entities access to my personal computer files. download it right now it is free on steam download now#[cherry on top]
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I will say while I've loved most of elden ring I'm really glad I'm down to just 2 more main boss fights (malenia + maliketh) before I start the endgame boss fights... whew 😮💨
#really gorgeous world but frankly its unnecessarily long. theyre gonna kill me for saying that but its true..#some areas/bosses just become overly repetitive when the game is THAT massive like its unavoidable#they tried rly hard to distinguish every area + honestly its a great effort but it couldve been half the size and just as good#like i just did the elphael ulcerative tree spirit bc i wanted to finish millicents questline. and come on man we didnt need another one#the design is sick + loooove the animation. but its a bad fight not bc of the difficulty but bc its janky as hell#lock on doesnt work properly bc of its size and the way it moves. u cant see shit on ur screen fighting them melee its just hack n slash#and theyre always in the most dogshit arenas possible for them like spaces w no maneuverability. its just not fuuuun#especially after youve fought 5 or 6 already earlier on in the game..#and its cool to have variations like the scarlet rot ones but we already HAD one of those just before lake of rot!! the gimmicks worn off#i did everything except maliketh in farum azula today as well and again. it didnt need to be that long. killing beastmen gets boring#after like the first 20 combat is just mashing buttons.. even the platforming is getting dull bc ive done 120 hours of it now#and theres only so many combinations of ladders and hallways and so on that u can possibly cram in here..#i say all this with fondness like i truly do love it. but it couldve been a lot tighter! regardless ill still 100% complete it#and i get most ppl dont try to get every single armament and talisman etc so they probably dont waste time FULLY exploring like i am#ahhh. anyway ill probably do malenia and maliketh tmr bc im right outside both of their arenas. and then call it quits this weekend#ill get my first ending next weekend probably... and hopefully by june ill have 100% and then i can play something else 😭#ik the dlc comes out in june but ill probably take a month or two break before i get to that#it doesnt even neeeed a dlc.......its excessive as it is just make a new game by this point ahhhhh#anyway its like 1am i need to SLEEP. i said i would go out to watch for northern lights but its overcast and im tired and my roommate#didnt wanna come with.. so i was gonna go to bed early instead but i guess that didnt happen lol#gonna feel like shit tomorrow bc i have to be up early to take my meds and she'll wake me up anyway.. but cross that bridge#typing is getting difficult bc im so sleepy okay goodnight everyone#.diaries
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i'm actually really excited for my first masters practice tomorrow hhhhhh
#0.txt#for all my complaining LMAO#i actually went to take a sneak peak today since i live super close by (like i can literally walk there) and the atmosphere looked good#but we'll actually see tomorrow. the people really make or break the experience#the team in general supposedly has a lot of people like me according to the coach i was talking to (e.g. ex-competitive swimmers)#i'm going at the noon timeslot so i feel like most people there will be much older but it'll probably still be fun#i'm honestly more nervous about the social aspect than the physical workout aspect bc i know i can do the workout but social anxiety#i am SO thankful they have a noon timeslot though. waking up for morning practices is by far one of the things i hated the most#and contributed so much to my initial burnout#in general i rly lucked out like. 1) this team practices at a pool i can literally walk to and 2) they have timeslots later in the day#the other options i looked at both were a bit of a drive and only had morning options#the only downside is it's a high school pool and kinda. dingy. but i've swam in more dilapidated places lol
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rereading marionette stars' observatory epilogue makes me want to add tikoh back to my muse list, but that's. so much. and cupitan.............but that's also so much.
#;big bubble blowing baby! ( ooc )#( sign of life just for y'all~#waking up early for school was giving me anxiety but i'm finally back to Regular Levels again even though i'm still Very Sleepy#also my classes so far are p fun; anime class..........my beloved#watched neo tokyo yesterday; watching robot carnival tomorrow and then first day of screenwriting workshop......an adventure into lonelines#my film terms teacher talking about how would we make a film on joan of arc and me saying i would focus on her love/isolation with her gift#of grace aka speaking to god#me 5 seconds later: ......................why do i like isolation so much and why am i gripping onto those themes...........#me also remembering the plot i wanted to write for screenwriting workshop: .................i have too much of a focus whoops#ANYWAYS i'm excited to start writing more of that stuff#con is that idk how much i'll be writing here and discord.......focus on school#(i say while not writing here in what feels like a month whoops)#BUT i'll see what i can queue today..............and then think so much about my screenwriting plot )
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worst thing actually about the final weeks of the semester is the like. I know I could be doing things that I’m not doing for reasons that are technically in my control but aren’t actually. and I know I’ll be fine in the end, because I always always am, but it will suck the entire time. because it always, always does
#was supposed to send in my summer availability for work today and didn’t because i forgot#haven’t signed up for next semester’s classes yet despite the fact that i’ve been able to since the beginning of last month#am drowning. just a little bit. and i will wake up tomorrow maybe angry from lack of sleep. inevitably. and feeling creaky at the bones#also inevitable. but it will still be fine. which is its own sick frustration. do you get it#like the fact that i’m going to struggle this much for the next ahh three weeks? and have no visible scarring to show for it after#but like. this is a feeling i’ll forget by may. also frustrating! but i have issues#and that’s fine too. i guess#not a snapped neck. you know the rest#at least i cut my nails
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I dont know how else to tell you this nut I scrolled passed this scrolled back up click the picture the read the short. Got to the end. Silently went "shyt" put down my phone and turned off the light.
Like you single handedly managed to make me get a "awh whit you got me" moment so hard i decided to fall asleep at a respectable time in order to avoid being called out so hard.
Uhh congrats?
I just think He is Silly and would wear goofy ass t shirts
#1130 is respectable right?#right guys?#guys??#its fine i totally font have to get up in like 7ish hours to go to work and then get a shot#i think its fine#1130 is a great time#i am still in the today and wake up tomorrow and not in the today and wake up today moment so yes?#i just crave a 15 hours mini coma please#let me be hit by a car or sm shit so i can finally get some good fucking sleep
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having a great start to 2025 👍 got a migraine yesterday (wasn’t a terrible migraine bc it wasn’t so bad i had to throw up or anything but i DID sleep for 13 hrs after 😭) and then today i didn’t take my ritalin after also not taking it on tuesday & usually i’m fine when i do that but today it made me feel nauseous all day so i am 0/2 on feeling well in 2025 love that for me!
#michelle speaks#i feel ok now tho…..p much for the first time today & i still don’t feel totally fine 😭#anyway i got a migraine bc i kept going to sleep after 4am when i have been going to sleep usually before 3am lately#& then i didn’t get a lot of sleep yesterday bc i had to wake up early to work on my topic proposal for my comment#so i got even less sleep & was really tired so i got a migraine 😑 that is what i get for not getting good sleep. and i KNOW i get migraines#when i consistently go to bed too late and don’t get enough sleep and yet? i do it anyway 😩#but i finally settled on a topic that will hopefully be good yesterday so i am glad 👍 i have to finish my topic proposal tomorrow tho#i just have to finish the preemption check & list some sources i will use so. i am like 70% done rn.#i was maybe going to do some work on it today but as i said. slept for 13 hrs lmao 😭#which is 100% bc of the migraine bc i normally cannot sleep that long 😭 10 hrs at the most and i usually don’t sleep for 10 hrs now#i used to need 10 hrs when i was a teenager lol but i will usually naturally wake up after 8-9 hrs and i am fine w 7 hrs#i went to sleep at almost 2am and woke up at almost 3pm only bc my mom woke me up bc she thought i was dead 😭#but u r usually extremely tired after a migraine so i am not surprised abt that. bc otherwise i could not physically sleep that long lmfao
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Hit my arm yesterday and while i dont THINK anythings like broken or anything like that it does hurt in minorly concerning ways
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#unrelated why does everything feel fake#erm. anyways#winterguard#<- related. i'm about to go on a whole vent cause apparently i am NOT doing fine after all#anyways i tried to actually communicate that i'm autistic on the medical paperwork this time#but . all it seems to have gotten me is 'you need to be An Adult and ask for help instead of standing there'#which; yes; that is a fair thing to ask!#.......... it's less helpful when i'm already ¾ of the way to breaking down bcause i dont understand the work#and if i say real actual words i will 100% start crying (embarrassing. who does this.)#i just. cant believe i'm getting this stressed out again so early in the season.#i came into tryouts SO confident but now i'm doing everything wrong & i lost my Big 45s again. i HAD those i could CATCH them & now i cant?#& its soso ridiculous that i have the same exact reaction to not understanding the work right away.#he's RIGHT that i should be able to handle this like an adult but of COURSE because it's me i can't :/#i already know i'm not getting put on flag line still. it's frustrating to have put ALL the extra work that i do into practicing#and STILL not be good enough.#and also not even ask for help at home (roommate is in the samd guard) because i don't want to be a bother#& i full well understand the importance of Not Being Bothered.#i hate that it's the exact same thing as last time - he wrote in a toss that i CANNOT do and WILL NOT be able to learn fast enough#literally right off the bat. and after everyone said i was doing so much better to start out with.#i actually seriously entertained the thought (briefly) of quitting and we don't even have the music yet... like girl (gn). calm down.#anyways i already ranted in my head at myself about this earlier today so my thoughts are less many than they might have been otherwise#... need to go to bed. then wake up and do it all again tomorrow. sigh.
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Each time amount of work pushes me to extra hours, I curse capitalism even harder than usual
#today is one of those days#we’re at 8 and a half hours but it might get to 9#because brain is not cooperating but time still ticks away mercilessly#god I hate this#personal bs#and tomorrow it’s office day so I’ll be waking up at 6 am and won’t be back till well past 6 pm#awful awful awful
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had a wine cooler. still bored but now im kinda sleepy so maybe i'll just pass tf out now
#and end up waking up ay 5 am and then being tired for my 4 pm-9 pm shift tomorrow#whatever! this is my life now#still haven't gotten my fucking period but i can like sense it coming. any fucking moment now bitch......#pls i don't wanna have to go to the doctor#anyway! goodnight tumblr friends i hope tomorrow is better for all of us. unless today was good for you then i just hope it's the same#bri babbles
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*starts gnawing own arm off* why isn't there 75k+ words of in my personal taste of these fandoms? why must i reread the same like 5 long fics in the fandom i am currently in the mindset of and then get frustrated that i have read them too recently? grawrawrihakhrbwajhrwb
#shut up danni's talking#i am getting so frustrated and i just realised this may be because i might not have taken my meds today#but its too late for me to take them too because otherwise im gonna be wide awake#just gotta make sure that i have them for sure tomorrow otherwise i'll get a headache the size of texas#still does not change my mood tho even if i took the meds now#i need more tim centric batfam fics that aren't horrendously depressing :(#he's my favourite little meow meow#but also?? i'll take a decent dp/dc crossover too as long as its not a damian twin fic#for some reason fics that have damian as a teen squiggs me out in a way i can't explain#not to say i don't enjoy the good ones bc i do they're great but i read them too recently too :(#this is what i get for spending like 60% of my waking hours listening to fanfics bc i burn through them so fast
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#i went from 'hey maybe im figuring out how to be an independent adult!'#to 'every day i wish and i pray tomorrow is the day i dont wake up'#i became so suicidal because of my job. literally#i just want myself dead. simple#apparently not choosing your first proper full time job is? no one's problem?#“oh well you chose this” seriously? no one's ever made a mistake?#i dont CARE thst you have a kid im SORRY you were struggling by yourself and im much needed help and you are also giving me even-#MORE responsibility. and yet its still not enough. im not enough.#i almost thought i killed a dog today. it traumatized me#how am i supposed to perform when i dont have even 20% of the required equipment to perform a groom on an agitated elderly fucking dog?#it broke me. i want out. stupid unemployment file GET APPROVED FASTER#I WANT OUT OF HERE#either i get out. or im *making* a way out.#i told my mom one day it won't be me calling#it will be a hospital#and that day is growing ever so closely#and its scary and i wouldnt wanna do anything but at this point anything is better than this#im tired. and this isnt living.#personal#vent#tw suicide thoughts#tw sui ideation#idk what tags to use.#its 2 am. im tired#please.
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