#i am so tired and sad and i dont know how to. process or think about it

[teobug]

Barely slept because my very old kitty is sick and this might Be It for her since we do not have the money to take her in and even if we did, it is more likely than not a complication of kidney failure which we have known to be an inevitable end for a while now

[prettygirlformula]

things i do to distract myself.

i dont usually post textposts, but i decided to do something different because, its november!!! nd we all know this months is when things go wrong and i've been struggling to practice self-care so here are some of my favourite things i like to do to remind myself i am loved, and perhaps give you all some inspo if you're in a funk too!! <3

listen to music i tend to have different playlists as i believe that the music you listen to dictates your mood. as much as i enjoy my jazz and classical, when im in a funk i need to be hype 24/7!! my go to's are usually anything future, miss stallion, glorilla, king von, tate mcrae, charli or carti. i need to listen to music that'll manifest success and confidence.

read i'll read anything really, just to keep my mind off social media BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO ROT MY BRAIN WHEN IM FEELING SULKY. im currently reading letters from a stoic by seneca - im learning plenty and its keeping me stay calm

body movement i love a good run, or a pilates sesh so i'll put all my anger and sadness into pushing myself to run an extra k, or that extra set. sometimes its nice to just clear ur lungs and ur mind, and it'll build my strength physically and mentally!!! plus i'll look even better so he'll regret ever ending things with me

visit the beach im a beach girl forever, the ocean has always been my best friend. a quick swim will alwayssss level me out. there's cute boutiques and my favourite açai place along the esplanade and i love walking down there during the sunset or sunrise to keep me busy.

annoy my friends i love my friends so much they're my everything!!! they bring me peace even if we're loud. there's something about surrounding yourself with positive and loving energy that i'll never get tired of, if i could i would give all my love in my body to them.

write ive always been a writer i think. i have to get everything in my mind onto paper or a document or i lose it. its nice to write in my journal about things im grateful for, things im scared about and things i want to achieve. as well as just what went on in my day - i think that now im out of high school im living a much more dramatic and different life to what i used to, so i need to process these things. also i write w a muji pen so it makes the experience so fun.

cry no matter how nonchalant i try to be, im a crier - even at the clubs (it gets embarrassing) but i find it a great way to rid my anger, sadness or stress - better out than in.

meditate ive only just started practicing this, but its very peaceful!! well duh i like to do it during sunset in the park near one of the beaches i frequent (so i can swim too hehe) and the sound of the waves, the people and life can kind of block out anything in my head!!

clean/re-organise my room organised room = organised mind!! (my dad taught me that one) but during this process i always find something that i forgot about and i get distracted, so it takes longer but i get the job #done

call my mummy my mum and i are close, shes my best friend so i tell her everything (except my tattoos and my ehem..rendevouz..) her wisdom has helped me in a lot of situations...i tend to write down the advice she gives me so i dont forget and fuck up. again :p

retail therapy maybe not the most healthy way of self-care, but it gets the job done i cannot lie!! sometimes you need to spend a little bit of money to sustain some peace in your life. you do need that glossier lip liner babe, get it, you deserve it.

ofc some of these things may not work well for you, but self-care is what makes you feel good!!! im open to new ideas of self-care so lmk what you guys do :p + thank you so much for 3 blessed years on this account, eternally grateful for everyone <3

[kassuthehero]

my favorite riordan characters (just my opinion, don’t come at me)

Magnus Chase

I read MCGoA first (dont judge), so I have sentimental value over this series. I think magnus is literally so hilarious in a tired and confused way. It’s also so funny how Percy was so lost still like after 5 books but Magnus knows so much about the mythology already. Even after reading pjo i thought Magnus was way funnier and better main character than Percy. I think that was because Magnus is 16 in his series and Percy is just 12 in the lightning thief and I was already like 14-15 and liked more mature characters (Magnus is still a child and a dumbass). Magnus is also a very sad character if you think about it. He is basically an orphan bc his father wasn’t there and he witnessed his mothers death. Then he lived in the streets and was probably hungry, cold and scared almost every day. And then BOOM. Suddenly weird shit happens and he dies a gruesome death. Like seriously, a ball of melted asphalt burns through his body… He also never really had time to cope with the being dead thing bc suddenly he's supposed to save the world. Like wtf. Also I get the biggest gender envy ever (don’t ask why, he’s kinda pathetic xd). Best thing is that he’s fruity like I am. Magnus is also the healer so it is really interesting to get the healer's pov, a guy who isn’t your usual hero. Magnus also defeated LOKI, A GOD, with the power of friendship, which is hilarious. Magnus starts the show as a cynical boy who has lost everyone but by the end he has found a new family and moved on and I think that’s beautiful.

2. Will Solace

The absolute sass master. Of course Percy is still the sassiest ever but oh boy does Will come the next second. Will seriously takes no shit. I haven’t read his and Nico’s book yet but just from BoO and tHO I can say he has some balls. Like, one of the first things he does is calling Octavian, one of the biggest bad guys, an anemic loser. WHILE standing nose to nose with him. Like even Nico thought that Octavian was kinda scary but Will just marches right up to him and starts throwing insults. And then he proceeds to stubbornly make Nico rest and heal. He is so stubborn and bossy and I love him for it. Will also has a sadder side. He always puts everyone else before him bc he is the healer so it’s his job. He also was forced to be a leader way too young after he lost his older siblings. Still, he manages to walk around with a smile on his face. Will is so strong and his past is way overlooked. All the fans focus on Nico’s traumas and how Will helped him but never the other way around. Give Will some love, people.

3.Apollon (Lester Papadopoulos)

The most dramatic god ever, like omg. Apollo/Apollon has always been my favorite Greek god and Rick's version is just perfect. He is so annoyingly self centered and arrogant but at the same time he is so sad and vulnerable. I have never cried bc of Riordan's books but the hidden oracle made me sod like a baby. All the regret and pain in the stories about his lovers was heartbreaking. How his heart is stone bc he doesn’t believe in love anymore and how he takes responsibility for all the death he has caused. He is still an asshole but at least he notices it. I relate to him on such a deep level. He masks all his pain with humor and overconfidence just like I do. I haven't finished the trials of the Apollon yet but I can’t wait to read more of him and learn even more sad, funny and interesting things about him as a character.

4.Percy

Of course I have to include our best boy. During the HoO I just kept waiting for Percy’s POV just bc his thought process is the most entertaining in my opinion. He is so unhinged most of the time. Like, everyone is scared of Nico, no, you guys should be absolutely terrified by Percy. Like bro is so close to losing it. Few more inconveniences and he will kill everyone. but at the same time he likes eating blue food and doesn’t know half of the myths the others do. He just does what he feels like doing. My favorite moment was when he and Annabeth were in Tartarus and Percy was about to kill Akhlys by drowning her in her own poison. Like bro is insane. It’s also so sad that he and Annabeth have been in the front lines of war since they were like 12. It’s always them. Like there had to be other heroes right? Or like why couldn’t some minor god handle the situations? I have always loved characters who insult the enemy while fighting and Percy is just like that. At first, I didn't think he was any special but as he grew older, I started to like him more. Probably bc I could relate to him better when he was closer to my age. He also got more serious as he got older. I’m kinda pissed that he gets again a new series even tho Riordan has other characters that have potential. (I MEAN MAGNUS! LIKE PLEASE RICK! PLEASE!)

[thedevilsoftruth]

All I Have ~ Loki x Fem!reader

Warning; MAJOR,MAJOR,MAJOR, INFINITY WAR AND THOR RAGNAROK SPOILERS PLEASE DONT READ IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THEM!!!! Smut, Alcohol mentions, Ragnarok/ dom Loki, loss of virginity, major character death, oral ( f receiving ) Minors dni

Summary: After the fall of Asgard, you and Loki get to mourn the people you lost.

Notes; I watched Infinity war and endgame for the first time a few nights ago and I am depression, so I thought what better way to cope with that than to make a really sad smutshot!? Enjoy!!!

Loki had been your best friend for centuries, you both fought by each others side and often trained a lot together. You two were thick as thieves, and a lot of your good memories were with him. But little had you known that tonight your way of viewing one of the closest people to you would change forever.

But finally you were able to get to sit down with your friends after a long day of trying to save the people of Asgard. Althought Asgard was completely destroyed, at least you still had the people. You, Thor and Loki were sitting on a couch together in the ship and drinking booze to try to think happy after everything that happened.

“ and then he turned back and was like, “ aha it’s me! “ and then he stabbed me— do you remember that, brother? “ Thor wheezed, smacking Lokis shoulder in the process. Thor had already told this story today, but he had to admit it was great. Loki’s lips twitched a bit like he were trying to hold in the laugh. You laughed along with them, your mind a bit fuzzy from the booze. Loki hadn’t been drinking much, which was surprising since he loved it as much as Thor did.

“ how about that time you tried to push me off the roof, brother!? yeah? “ Thor wheezed again, Loki couldn’t hold it in anymore and hollered with laughter. The small room was filled with the sounds of you three laughing like all was good. Soon the laughter died out and Thor stood up.

“ I’m going to try and get a little nap in. “ he sighed. you had to admit, the man needed it. You and Loki smiled at him and nodded.

“ Have fun, you two. “ he said with a slight smile before walkig out of the room and closing the door behind himself.

Loki turned to look at you and smiled.

“ Shall we continue the party, darling? “ he asked with a wicked grin. You knew that meant he had something Mischievous in mind. Oh but you didn’t know if you could stay any longer, you were getting tired as well.You simply shook your head.

“ Oh, I’m not so sure. I should probably leave “ You raised yourself from the couch but he put his hand on top of yours, taking you off guard.

“ Stay with me. “ He pulled you back down on the couch with him and looked at you with somber eyes. His hand brushed your cheek gently, his eyes staring into yours. He leaned in with you, his lips brushing against yours ever so lightly. At first you didn’t feel anything until you begun to follow along into the kiss. You had never felt feelings for him, but maybe he felt for you. He pulled away slowly, his thumb caressing your cheekbone softly.Your face was flushed red. His eyes were watery now, his hand falling back down to his side.

“ please. “ the words came out of his mouth under his breath so lightly it was like the cold breeze on a warm summer day. You nodded your head and got comfortable in your seat again.

“ Very well. I guess I don’t really have anywhere else to go. “ You said, feeling your tears building back up again. Loki nodded, knowing what you were feeling and rubbing your hand comfortingly.

“ you know, we never really had our time to truly grieve for the ones we lost today. “ he said, still smiling despite shedding a tear himself. Your head felt heavy, tears streaming down your cheeks like a waterfall.

“ I just— I saw my whole family die before my eyes today. “ You spoke through sobs, your nose burning as you recalled the memories you wished weren’t true. Loki’s hand went to your back and pulled you into his warm embrace. He gave the top of your head a kiss and he sniffed quietly.

“ Thors all I have left. “ he said with a shaky laugh. You felt tears rushing harder. Your chest felt like it was being blocked off and you could barely breathe.

“ I don’t have anything left. “ you sobbed into his chest. You were probably getting his shirt wet from your snot and tears but you didn’t care. Loki hummed and sniffed again.

“ That’s not entirely true, love. “ he spoke, running his hand through your hair gently. You looked up at him with a raised brow.

“ You have me. I’m here for you. “ he said, looking down at you with the kindest eyes you had ever seen. something deep inside those eyes were filled with such loss and sadness, it made you want to cry even more of that was possible. It was odd because you had never seen Loki genuinely cry.

You chortled through your sobs and buried your face in his chest again. His hand ran up and down your back soothingly, making you melt further into his embrace.

“ Thank you, Loki. “you choked out, your voice muffled by his armored chest. He chuckled and pressed another kiss to your forehead.

“ it’s obvious but… “ He took his hand off yours and used it to lift your chin to force your gaze up to him. “ I love you, y/n. “ and with that his lips crashed with yours again, except this time more rough. His hands wrapped around your waist and moved your body backwards, making you lay down on your back as he hovered above you. His tongue slid into your mouth, dancing with yours like some somber tango. His hands reached underneath your long layered skirt and moved it down to your waist so he could position himself between you nicely. He pulled his mouth away from your so you both could catch your breaths.

“ I l- love you too, Loki. “ you panted, your cheeks sticky and wet from the dried tears. His lips curled back into that familiar smile.

“ watch this. “ he said lowly, the with the flash of green he was magicked out of his clothes. You chuckled, of course he was going to do that. Your eyes wondered every part of his naked form, admiring his every curve and muscle. His hand then went on your chest and his lips pecked yours once again.

“ and this. “ he spoke with a grin. you opened your eyes to see that you were naked as well. You whimpered at the sudden coldness hitting your bare body.

“ Loki what if someone comes in? “ you asked, covering your chest at the thought of it. Loki shook his head and laughed.

“ we’re fine, darling. the door is locked. “ Loki said nonchalantly, lowering his head in between your thighs, making you blush madly. Loki smirked and kissed your lower abdomen gently. His warm breath on your skin was sending shocks through your body.

“ do you want to see real magic though? “ Loki’s voice was low and gravely as he looked at your through his brows. You looked at him curiously, tilting your head a bit. He chuckled, his lips trailing from your stomach to the wet mess in between your thighs. You gasped and clasped your hand to your mouth as his greedy mouth made contact with your mound. His warm tongue explored your folds as his hands rested comfortably on the back of your thighs. You started to buck your hips up a little as he kissed you deeper, making you moan louder and louder with each blissful movement. His lips sucked and licked your clit with his oh so talented tongue, making you feel pleasure like no other. Having this happen after all the tears put everything off your mind, which is just what the both of you needed. Maybe Loki was the one who you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with. You had hoped this would be something more taht just one night and he truly meant he loved you. His tongue was certainly saying so.

He lifted your leg and placed it across his shoulders and continued to eat at you hungrily, moving the tip of his tongue in circles around your throbbing bud. You gripped his hair curly as the waves of ecstasy washed over you like a tsunami. The tips of his lips pecked your clit, his tongue peeking out again to dance with your wet folds. He gave your wetness one last kiss before rising himself back up to kiss your lips.

“ Are you sure you want me to take you? “ Loki said breathless as he pulled away. His head dropped into your neck and begun pecking at it lightly.

“ I am certain. Please be my first, Loki. “ You whispered, tugging at his long inky curls. He leaned in to kiss your lips again, you could feel his smile through the kiss like this moment was all he had wanted. He groaned into your mouth his hands pulled yours out of his hair, intertwining your fingers with his in the process. His lips trailed back down to your neck again as his erect length came into contact with your aching entrance. His pace started off a bit slow and leisured, his hips rocking against yours like a beautiful tempo. Moans escaped your lips, your hips bucking upwards in anticipation as he gave you just what you needed. Pleasure was washing over you intensely, your fingers were curling into Lokis skin as a way to cling onto something. The room was beginning to get hot and your bodies rubbed together passionately.

Loki moaned into your neck, both of your breaths beginning to get ragged. He rose up and grabbed the top cushion of the white couch, his pace increasing and becoming rougher with each thrust.

“ oh f-fuck, min kjære.. “ he moaned, his head cranked back and his eyes shut tight while pumping wildly into you. You cried loudly and arched your back, feeling him inching closer to the spot you so needed him to hit. He let go of your hand and gripped the cushion beneath you both, propelling his memeber into you briskly. Your lips met his again, but this time it was sloppy and needy while your fingernails dug into the skin of his back. You clung onto him like he was your only support, your legs wrapping around his waist to deepen his thrusts. The feeling was pure bliss. This was nothing like you had felt before, nothing you had ever experienced. But you felt lucky. making love with a Prince who you not only didn’t know you loved into now, but who also loves you and knows you better than anyone else in this world. Your bond with him was strong and now you felt closer to him than ever.

“ Loki, I’m so- ah! c-close! “ you moaned, your head toy lying back and your eyes rolling to the back of you head as he brought you closer to heaven. You didn’t think you could take it anymore. You grabbed his shoulders and flipped your positions so you were on top. Loki chuckled, his hands going to your hips as you frantically rolled them forward and back on his waist.

“ oh, y/n… “ he sighed out in ecstasy as you bounced and rocked against his pulsating length. His hands slipped down to your ass and grabbed it firmly as you rode him like it was the last thing you could do. He moaned and flipped you back on the bottom, his hardness hitting your sweet spot repeatedly and making you scream in elation. Your chest heaved up and down rapidly, your body shaking as a burning sensation grew inside you. Loki felt it too.

“ Come for me, min kjære. Drip all over me as much as you need to. “ he groaned, kissing your lips hungrily while his blistering pumps never tried out. And just like that, your orgasm hit and shocks of pleasure went through your whole body and made you quiver. You shuddered while the warm liquid discharged your sopping cunt, staring into Loki’s eyes while doing so. The release made you felt empty, yet so complete. But Loki wasn’t entirely finished. He smirked and patted your thighs.

“ Legs up, baby. “ He panted with a smile on his face, his voice low and laced with desire. You whimpered and weakly moved your legs in the air. He grabbed the back of your calf’s and pulled them over his broad shoulders, his length still buried deep within you. With just one simple move of his cock, he was able to make you scream louder than before. Your cunt was stretched and dripping, sensitive and prone to relase again if he continued to push you over the edge. Your eyes didn’t want to open, but you knew he was staring at you with a mischievous smirk.

“ oh gods, look at you. “ he chuckled as he began rocking his hips again. You moaned loudly and cried out as he hit that spot again. You gripped his forearms, your nails digging into his skin while his pace built back up. Your chest was shaking as it heaved up in down, you felt like you couldn’t breathe from the intensity of the moment. His name left your mouth like a soft melody to his ears, his skin smacking against yours and his memeber rubbing against your cunt and creating loud wet noises.

“ keep moaning like that, baby. “ he breathed, clenching your soft thig harshly while he thrashed against you. You cried, feeling that burning sensation again as he drove recurrently into your sweet spot.

“ ha— L-Loki I’m gonna cum again! D-don’t stooop..“ You moaned, your head tilting back as you screamed and cried in orgasmic bliss. Loki growled and with one final thrust, he came undone into your soaking cunt, filling you up and coating your cunt from deep within your core. You also reached your second peak around his shaft, adding to the mess. The second you came, your body fell limp and he let go of your legs.

“ good girl. “ he praised, pecking your trembling lips. Your legs were shaking and your body was convulsing from the intensity. You looked at him with wide eyes, still trying to comprehend everything that had just happened. He slowly pulled out, making more of your mixed orgasms spill out if you. You both panted and laid there for a moment, kissing and holding hands silently. You felt your nose burning and you started crying again. As much as you were happy, you were also still very sad from earlier.

“ I love you, Loki. Please don’t leave me too, just promise me you’ll stay with me until death parts us. “ You whimpered softly, tears rolling down your soft cheeks again. Loki looked at you with wide eyes, feeling a tight sensation in his chest that he had never felt before. He nodded with a warm smile, his pale nose now red as he felt his eyes getting watery as well.

“ yes, yes, of course. I profoundly promise you from the bottom of my heart, that I will never leave you no matter the circumstances. “ he said, pulling your hand in and giving your skin a gentle kiss. With a flash of green, he used his magic to clothe your bodies. Loki had never genuinely fallen in love with someone, he had dated multiple people in his very long life but he had never fallen this hard. But those eyes he gave you. He looked at you a way he never looked at anyone, those soft and kind green eyes that looked at you with a smile despite seeing everything that it had seen in the past.

You sniffed and your thumb brushed his cheek gently.

“ My prince, “ you whispered through a smile. He sniffed and chuckled, leaning down to kiss your lips again.

“ My queen, “ he responded with a chuckle, knowing he had done better than you. You chuckled and rolled your eyes, your fingers moving to tangle around his dark hair as his head lowered down to peck your sternum. His warm breath tickled your skin, his soft lips abrading your breasts. You made a small noise as his lips sucked on your skin harsh enough it was sure to leave a mark. But the passion of the moment was quickly broken up when there was a loud crash from afar followed by the sounds of screaming. Lokis head shot up from your chest, his eyes filled with terror and confusion.

“ Loki, what was that? “ you asked, your head looking around the room as if you would find the answers there. He shook his head, but it all happened too quickly. There was a loud frantic pound at the door.

“ Brother! Asgards under attack, Brother! “ Thors panicked voice yelled from the other side of the door. You stared at Loki in horror as he immediately got off you and rushed to the door. You had never seen him so scared in his life, it was almost like he knew why and how this was happening. He gave you once last glance as you stood up and rushed for him.

“ Loki what’s going on? “ you asked, utterly terrified as you grabbed his arm and tried to stop him. A tear ran down his cheek and he wiped away your own tears with his thumb.

“ I don’t know, darling but I need you to stay here. “ He said, his voice strong but with an undertone of fear. You felt your heart racing, you didn’t want anything happening to him or your people. You shook your head and sobbed.

“ no, no, no let me go with you! “ you said, holding his hand in your own while as he stared at the door and then back at you.

“ no, I can’t have anything happening to you. please just stay here. “ he said, giving your forehead a quick kiss as his hand pulled on the door handle.

“ Loki, don’t leave me— “ He kissed your lips one last time before quickly turning away.

“ I promise you I will come back for you. Please just stay here, darling. “ But that promise would never be fulfilled, Loki wouldn’t be coming back for you.

~~~~~~~~

min kjære ~ my dear or my love

[jackwhiteprophetic]

My conty (will be adopting that into everyday vocab, thank you) opinion is that i think Christopher was right to want to leave and im tired of pretending i dont!

(I am, however, too cowardly to not ask this anonymously)

Hmmmm thank you for the conty ask!!! I NEED it to catch on.

I would say I think Christopher wanting space is valid and his emotions and response was valid, but also I think his grandparents weren't acting in the right??? Like they were actively bashing Shannon immediately upon arrival and the way they treated Eddie (like not saying goodbye to him and such) is really not giving me hope for how helpful they will be with helping Chris to process and heal?

Idk when I think about it, Texas is FAR FAR (like for me, moving that distance would require moving countries). I just think it wasn't handled well by the Diaz parents and idk it makes me sad but I am also biased!!

I stopped going to my dad's and seeing other members of family at the same age as Christopher so I completely understand needing that space and it breaks my heart SO much but I don't think they showed enough of Chris in the episode to make it actually feel like a decision centred on what he wanted?

Also as someone who has had to cut off family seeing Eddie Diaz and the whole "I hate it, but I love you" speech STILL TO THIS DAY makes me cry if I think about it more than five seconds.

IDK IF ANY OF THIS MAKES SENSE? would love to know more people's thoughts!!!

[also continue to send conty asks and to use the word conty because it WILL catch on and also my brain is actually working today]

[sheyfu]

If you were in the world of blue lock and you could kill one character and save a character from dying, who would those 2 characters be ?

HMMMMMMMM this is kinda hard JWJEJSJSI i'll answer this in a metaphorical and a quite literal sense (bruh i sound so 🤓☝️ rn 😭😭😭😭) OKAY SO FIIIRSSSTTTT

metaphorical:

kill: baro shoei

- in a metaphorical sense, i would kill baro (like destroy his mentality of being a king [his superiority complex]). i mean don't get me wrong his character development was probably THE BEST like im not kidding his development DESTROYYYEEDDDD me but like also resurrected (?) smth inside me. his realization that isagi was the king of the field in that match and how he slowly broke down was so dear to me (we like 🤞🤞 fr we're gang). but also the way he made his "defeat" into motivation and buried it into his ego was 🔥🔥🔥🔥 but srs i would kill him just to see him like that again LMAOOOOO

save: michael kaiser

- now in my eyes, michael is someone who's currently dying like he has this terminal and uncurable illness that not even soccer can heal. but like saving someone is a process; it's not done quickly. in a span of (n) years, i would want to show him the world (more than what he's already seen HWHWHSHSI). i'd take this man on drives by the coasts to aee the sun, give him flowers and spoil him and let him do wtv to me. i'd show him all the books and genres im into and all that and love him like he's my last. tbh i dont think this makes any sense (i am so tired 😭😭😭) but yeah 😓😓

literal:

kill: gurimu igarashi

- literally no explanation idc if he's a monk i want to kill him so bad. I HAAAAATE HIM FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART (im so sorry to the igarashi girlies)

save: chigiri hyoma

- listen. this man. has my heart. if we were in an apocalypse or smth, i'd save him even if it meant me getting bit by a zombie. if i do save him unscathed tho, i'd protect him with my whole heart. im in a silly sad mood so like: if i were to spend my last moments with someone from blue lock when the world is in chaos, it would be chigiri. i know my response doesnt really answer the question, but it's kinda related to it HISHDSIJD (IM SORRY 😭😭😭😭😭) BUT ANYWAYS YEA. to me, chigiri is translucent. he's something you can see through, yet below, deep under his skin, he hides something---he's someone i want to change. if i were to be with someone translucent, i'd work my ass of just to make him transparent (gets? HWUASUDAD IM LIKE IDK losing my mind rn 😓😓😓). i consider myself to be quite lazy and definitely an egoist (im so sorry gang). he's someone who can fix the emo shit (oops) inside me, tell me whatever he wants to tell me, yet someone who loves like you're his last love. he gafs about your shit but he does this to keep you safe (he's also gets very sassy the longer you are tgt imo)

IM SORRY THIS IS LIKE VERY . MESSY .. 😭😭 I DONT THINK I WAS ABLE TO EXPLAIN PROPERLY BUT STILL I HOPE IT'S AT LEAST A LITTLE UNDERSTANDABLE 😭😭😭😭 THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK >:)) i had fun answering this ueueue <3

[im-out-of-it]

part three I think of Malec episode season 1, episode 12

27. I honestly feel for Alec so much. it’s complex and difficult to 1. want to do right by family but also 2. following your heart. if Alec marries Lydia, he’s going to miserable for probably the rest of his life. he and Lydia will be great friends but what kind of marriage is that?

28. but it does break my heart to see Magnus trying to get through to alec in a way and alec just not knowing what to do like he’s genuinely confused. not only confused but I’m sorry mags, but he doesn’t understand how it feels in Alec’s way to have to do everything for your favor and protect them. Magnus has his warlocks but Alec is scrutinized for literally every single bloody choice he makes and doesn’t

29. Alec has been through so much shit and this is only a few days. like imagine processing an arranged marriage, trying to repair your family, feeling like you’re not good enough that is drilled by your mother and your parabatai who is more than brother and friend but not more than lover, not knowing if you have feelings for said parabatai, a new love interest, coming out, almost losing your sister, like THIS IS A LOT TO CARRY

30. but can we also talk about how much effort and strength this is taking from Magnus? he knows he will most likely be hurt in the end but he’s jumping in for Alec (AND FUCKING HELL MAGNUS 🔥)

31. and he’s obviously hurt at what Alec says- as anyone would be

32. like imagine being told your flirting is just a game 😭 alec is using all of his strength to tell Magnus no, I have family honor. BOY IF YOU DONT KISS HIM RIGHT NOW-

33. CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT HOW HEATED THIS SCENE IS???????

34. FUCKING HELL THEY ARE BOTH JUST SO SAD AND TIRED (also the edit on the left makes Alec’s lips look soooooo pink lmao)

35. Clary had no issue dropping Simon for jace but now that “it’s not in the cards”, omg “simon I love you let’s hang out again!” like she had zero issues leaving Simon be and running off with Jace. this is what bothers me about any future clary + Simon pairing. 1. he is too good for her. 2. Clary takes Simon for granted. and 3. if jace was an option, that’s who she would pick. Jace goes back to Alec as a friend now but would he be doing that it clary was an option? and would clary be going to Simon if jace was an option? think on that because I’ll answer it- no, jace and clary are selfish and they only go back to Alec and Simon as friends because they truly don’t have anyone else

and would you leave your closest person in your life to be turned into a vampire, what other issues he has and leaving him alone? once again, I understand se worries for her mother but friendship is a two way street. it’s not some self conceited toxic affair

36. I love this iconic scene coming up. what am I saying? this whole episode is so fucking iconic

part four is getting edited as we speak (type?????)

[misterbitches]

a little critique, semi cta, and some thoughts on this bullshit aftermath

btw showrunners and writers and even actors absolutely monitor these forums/the internet. you are all foolish if you dont believe so. not only does the fuckin translate button exist, capitalist pieces of shit tend to be able to speak english. move on. (posted on mdl first so some of it may not apply directly but point stands. i havent perused the tag bc idc. mbc hasnt issued any clarification and apparently they dont care. ok. fuck south korea for not pushing against the worst thing to ever happen to them: the united states of america. but congrats on jimmy carter dying)

look i liked this drama, and i love sensuality and sexuality which i think these two brought and is sorely lacking in ALL media but particularly with asian media (and yes including queer asian stuff). i liked what they did with the fl and the subversion and i could talk about that all day long—hee joo is incredible to me.

i could even put a radical spin on what the creators were doing and what people think that ‘mistranslation’ meant but at the end of the day, orienting myself as an artist who is antagonistic to a concrete display of, at the very least, cowardice in cowering to our capital overlords and empire AND empire itself, and as a critical thinker, i am tired. i am sad people put their comfort over the real lives of people and i’m angry at my own inertia. artists pride themselves on being progressive, we are supposed to be thinkers, opening our and ppls worlds, and sacrifice ourselves for upheaval. we arent doing that. and south korea has to contend with their contribution to what this looks like and allowing their culture to be folded into the people who wanted it destroyed.

this isnt as bad as snowdrop at all but it decimated their credibility as it should. i refuse refuse refuse to live like this. you should too.

And since everyone is like “ur not helping the cause” (that they barely know anything about anyway) ok LET me help. Hopefully you do not report this post or mods delete it. i am sharing information and words that so many people seem to want and say they are not hostile to:

if you can please donate to a gfm a friend is managing (link below) and SHARE it with people. if you can, donate to other mutual aid efforts and especially black families in LA, afro palestinian families, afro workers in lebanon, and sudanese gfms as those are often looked over even more. search for these on twitter; i dont know all their twitter names directly but this should orient you towards them: munigaza, gazafunds, sudanfunds, khartoum food kitchen, the user mothtongue_ posts many GFMs and not only for palestinians.

check out gaza workshops (link below); you donate and can go to radical workshops. i am going to a few upcoming ones and looking forward to ones on artistry. hopefully there will be one in the future on filmmaking.

To artists especially: get involved. we ONLY ONLY ONLY have each other. dont fall behind guys and buckle up. trust your ability to engage with and dissect media and art, be critical of it, love it, and do not lie about it to yourself. nothing—not a single goddamn thing—is apolitical and LEAST OF ALL art. and remember you are supposed to be ones who can think critically, if you fashion yourself as progressive or whatever the fuck, you are not supposed to be like everyone else. no one is telling you that you cannnot enjoy a show or art. tighten up and get over the idea of personal comfort. it isn't a big deal. we are alive and god willing your geography if ur in america has kept you moderately safer.

Links:

https://www.workshops4gaza.com/ gofundme https://www.gofundme.com/f/donate-to-basmas-hope-for-a-brighter-future

If you want to learn more or get connected with others i can give u some advice in how to facilitate the process. i posted this on MDL as well so if you see these exact words it was me. but you dont know me ;)

[stargazer0001]

there is something deeply wrong with me but I dont know what it is

like bestie im not talented im traumatized. Im not wasting a gift im trying to keep myself from plunging a knife in my chest and bleeding out in my bed. Like void, please shut the fuck up.

but then when other people vent to me, even if I TRY to care, I just dont. Like im sorry. I want you to feel better. But wtf am I meant to do. Like sorrows, sorrows, but I cant even deal with my own emotions what makes you think I can help with yours???????? And then I TRY. I TRY to help knowing that I cant, I TRY to care even though I dont, I TRY to make it known that I want them to feel loved and cared for, but nothing works. And then I feel like a piece of shit who deserves to rot away in a corner for all eternity!!!

Oh and speaking of rotting away, SCHOOL. I can't pay attention. Like if its not interesting I just zone out and start questioning my reality. And then im like 'wtf are we doing now'. Its actual torture what. And when I TRY to pay attention and actually LEARN I literally just end up drawing on my paper or my mind starts to wander. BUT THEN THE FUCKING THINGS MY TEACHERS ARE SAYING MAKE NO SENSE!! LIKE GIRLIE HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO KNOW WHAT TO DO IF YOU DIDN'T TAKE ME THROUGH A THOROUGH STEP MY STEP PROCESS HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO THIS. And then I DONT SPEAK UP BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER HAVE MY HAND CHOPPED OFF THEN SPEAK TO A TEACHER. Like. Then, everyone else seems to immediately understand everything?? Some people talk back to teachers??? Some people WANT to talk to teachers??? Who are you and how. Oh and then my classmates??? Literally horrible. I want them to die. Thankfully i have a couple friends in my classes which makes it a bit more bearable, but NO KEENAN OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOUR NAME IS, STOP DANCING AND SCREAMING, STOP BEING SO UNBEARABLE, STOP BEING A DICK. LIKE DUDE I BET YOU DONT EVEN GOT ONE. LITERALLY STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE. And its this one certain friend group who is actually the WORST. Like im TRYING to pay attention and then all of a sudden one of these kids starts yelling at another, stuff is thrown, and nothing gets done. BUT THEN THE TEACHERS DO NOTHING. THEY DONT CARE. BUT THEN WHEN SOMEBODY ELSE TALKS EVEN ONCE ITS IMMIDIATELY PRINCIPLES OFFICE???? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE IM ACTUALLY GOING INSANE SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST KILL ME.

oh and then out of school isn't even better at all. I just want to waste away in my room. Everything always hurts and I just want to be with friends but I know that nobody can or wants to hang out with a sad waste of oxygen like me. And then when im trying to go to bed I just hear the crashing of glass, my parents having a screaming match, and then my mom going back to drinking her sorrows away while my dad continues to try and sleep. Like please im so tired just let me go into my happy place and attempt to die in my sleep. And then whenever its even around 6:00 my mom immediately starts acting drunk even if she's had nothing so what the fuck is up with that. And then she tries to gaslight me into doing things??? Like at this point im immune. I dont even give any fucks anymore because I tried doing that and it just got me hurt. So why even care anymore. So what the fuck is the point in trying to live laugh love when I just wanna off myself. Like no. Die cry hate is my new motto at this point.

and then, to top it all off, if I try venting ANYTHING to the one person I know who understands, he just asks 'oh, is it your time of the month?'

like please just kill me at this point. Take me out of the hell called living. Im so close to just dying please help.

[vanlegion]

TL;DR script 1?

I'm getting the urge to write my first RVB fic. Yet, I've been going back and forth about how I actually want to handle it. Directly after Restoration, I had a lot of " EMOTIONAL DAMAGE " and whipped up a seven page comic i've yet to publish (and still am debating about at this point because I dont feel its very good and I lost a lot of the anger that spurned it but GODDAMN do I want to keep pump the RVB tag with more Grimmons Art JUST BECAUSE) along with a few other pictures and feels and ideas of other WIPS that also came from that anger and angst... But now that it's been some time and I've cooled down and have been able to process and ALSO come to understand that 19 could be taken as another Simulation, and that ALSO RVB gave us the unique gift of letting us CHOOSE where our canon story ends (Be it at S10, or S13 or for the very few of us S17) ... My brain has slowly been allotting, plotting and working its way towards writing a story that could be a more realistic take to an ending. I've never written 'Fix-It fics' in my life. Mostly because I don't really believe in them that much, personally, for me. ( I'll read them if the premise sounds awesome, and I'm curious how people switch things up. I just have a hard time writing them myself.) For me I do 'Mend-It' fics. Which means I keep what was considered 'broken' in canon, but then find a canon way to fix it BEYOND the breaking point. . . . . So now I am conflicted because as I stated before - RvB is a Choose Your Own Ending series. S19 does have some concepts I'd like to play around with and explore further and expand on. But I'm also an enjoy of have S17 as my ending. Never getting the SoC fight feels wrong. But maybe, maybe. . . I've got a way to have my cake and eat it too. Ya know, before Grif finds out I had cake.

Anywho, this was a quick Outline for the first draft of a Fic I was planning, but am now thinking of scrapping maybe for what's now brewing in my brain. I might flesh this back out again but this was what I came up with about some odd hours after finishing Restoration day of. "First Nights"

How often does Simmon's second guess himself? By nightfall, when he see's Grifs unmade and trashed bed - because you KNOW Grif left him one last mess to clean up, he's going to bitch about it, bitch about the trash and . . . probably put it off for the morning. Being so fucking tired after surviving all of that. And then when he starts to ask a question. . . realizing he wont get an answer, he'll choke. Tucker's acting all 'Yeah I'm fine sure' but he's probably struggling a fuck of a lot right now and trying to do it all himself - and Wash is still learning how to let go but he's got Carolina for support so he can be Tucker's support as well. Them learning how to heal together is very viable. Grif is probably going to run off disbelief for a few hours, along with adrenaline to figure out his immediate living situation as soon as he gets back home. But it's gonna sink in pretty quickly that he's alone, and it'll hurt when it hits. He didn't even tell Kai he was leaving to go back home cause he was still waiting for a second shoe to drop, but it didnt and now he's back in Hawaii.

Caboose is gonna wonder the canyon. He'll be quite. Probably ends up in front of a broken Simmons, and is just there to be supportive. Because Simmons also, in a way, also just lost his best friend. So he'll offer a shoulder and a hug and let Simmon's have his emotions. Because doing the right thing is the sad thing. He'll probably say thank you to Sarge's grave. It'll inspire him to make one for the Epsilon Unit, but the grave stone will be carved with ALL the names ... Church, Tex, Alpha, Beta, Epsilon and the rest in their Greek Lettering. He'll put the Sniper Rifle on it. Tucker leaves with Wash and Carolina because the trauma does finally hit him and hard, and he needs a doctor. Carolina tires to convince Caboose and Simmons to go with them but they both stay behind - Simmon's claiming some kind of bullshit technical reason and Carolina know's he's lying but doesn't push, just leaves the invite open. Caboose and Simmons sit atop Red Base and talk into the night, watching the stars and recounting things again. The first night alone is rough, and it hurts. It gets easier each passing night, but it still sucks when it feels you no longer have a purpose. They started as pawns in a fake war, and it feels like after everything that's happened, they're still just pawns the UNSC would rather push into the shadows. At least here. Maybe there's somewhere they could actually make a difference, or that their help and experience would be beneficial. It takes time to find that place. But eventually, they do. A new training facility/liaison office looking for experienced vets is being built. Simmon's files the paperwork immediately, because Red Tape bullshit requires these thing be done ASAP and he's taking no chances. Takes time again, but eventually, the new facility is finished and they're paperwork is accepted. They clear out Blood Gulch. They leave it behind for good. (Debating Simmon's having rigged the bases to explode or not - sees on brand for him, but also he may just leave it derelict because Sarge) Simmons, anxious but excited, turns to Caboose and see's the other's excitement. He's going on about how "It'll be great!" and all the things he wants to see and do and all the new friends he could make, but then grows kind of quiet and look over to Simmons. "It will be great, right?" "Going to Earth? Yeah. I think it will." Last scene is just them talking while the data-pad next to Simmons shows a readout of the New Facility they're transferring to, " RTB: ODST - Red Team Base: O'ahu Division for Science and Technologies"

[rarepairnation]

1, 10, 23 for the ask game

heyyy long time no see 2 u as well...i hope u are doing well<3

1. the character everyone gets wrong

well one might be able to guess who i will say here. keep your hands and feet inside the rant at all times. denethor my dearly beloved...my prince of nuance...my darling victim of the narrative....i mean one thing i CAN say for peter jackson is that he did succeed at creating a laughingstock of a villain because most of the particularly egregious shit (tomato scene/flaming run/gandalf staff bonk) IS like. jesus christ i hate to admit it but it is funny. you hear about it for the first time and you HAVE to laugh. unfortunately i have developed the opposite of a sense of humour whenever im faced with denethor jokes. i am physically incapable of finding any of it funny anymore. i just get mad. its all just jesus christ the same yesterday today and forever. you all are smart enough to be funnier than this. its almost like sometimes your emotions towards other people are complicated and sometimes they are even contradictory. and sometimes EVEN you can fail to express either side of the coin in an easily understandable way. like i really understand not liking him after like considering how his crazy brain processes his relationship with his sons. like it is. well it is not objectively insane it is totally rational but rather perhaps an insane thing TO DO. but i simply think that some people are not willing to put in the work of thinking and resort to inanity and the same three overused gags to dismiss an incredibly complicated complex character to nothing more than a caricature. obviously i have more opinions but i've written thousands of words about those already. fucking. goodnight

10. worst part of fanon

i dont even know if i should say anything otherwise ill write another 500 words. um. sad little faramir i guess. its so common in fic portrayal and im tired of it. and then faramir's restraint gave way dot mp4. he did NOT blame boromir's death on his own father for this shit!

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

oh man this one might be controversial but actually i AM going to say farawyn. not in the way that i didn't like them before but just that i was totally indifferent bc i didn't Understand. without like. i didnt have the context of his mother's mantle about her shoulders and he kissed her on the walls in the sight of many and very well as i am not a king and to make ithilien a garden where things shall only grow.......I Didn't Understand. i get it now.

[pupuseriazag]

Tw: venting (mentions of death trauma, family problems, etc)

I think I am going through another episode like years ago, I have tried my best to keep myself stable and silence the dangerous and panic inducing thoughts but I dont know how much more I will be able to endure.

For those that dont know, I have major anxiety and phobia to death. In 2021 I had to be taken to a psychologist because I broke down in my moms arms, not being able to stop the constant storm of my brain making me panic about how one day Im not going to be here,that I could die any moment and I dont have a guarantee of whats going to happen after that... Its hell, its horrible I love living so much and I know I should already have processed the thoughts... But I cant man. I cant and its horrible to live like this.

I was medicated with anxiety pills (my mom was afraid I could get addicted to antidepression pills until months later another doctor actually prescribed them to me) and ever since I "became better" I've been feeling guilty to ask her to buy me more because I dont want to worry her more.

Before turning 18 I NEVER visioned myself getting to live 24. I cried the early morning I turned 18 because I just didnt knew what to do. I still dont know what to do.

Im at 24 and Im getting let down more and more by life. Situation at home is still shitty and I just... Dont see a way for us to leave here.

Its been 5 fucking years since we began searching for a home to move away from my dad (to clarify: my dad is not physically nor verbally abusive. But he is a cheater, a selfish person and emotionally manipulative jobless liar.) and we cant... We just cant. Everywhere expects you to be paying 400$ a month for a one room apartment or 90k for a home thats falling apart, we cannot afford to move to another departament because of my university and her job. Traffic from other cities like San Marcos, San Martin and even Mejicanos is just too fucking much. Its already too much where we live.

Even if I had a job, we couldnt be able to move somewhere better, we have been stuck here for 5 years, two fucking years taken from covid and 3 to try to stabilize ourselves after that (plus his medical bills after he got kidney stones riiiight after leaving his job, very fucking convenient)

We cant even move to my grandma's or my mom's sister's house. They live on the other side of the country and they have always been very vocal about being against my mom and siding with my dad. And even tho we have the support of some of my dad's sisters... We just cant move to their home.

Everyday I wake up here is like being stuck in a time loop. Every day is the fucking same and I just find a way to distract myself before being yanked back to reality, same with my mom. And you know the worst? I also have to be my moms therapist.

Im tired man, all of this is driving me crazy and the hopelessness I feel when I realize my position is just... Overwhelmingly sad. I hate this life, I hate the life I was given and I hate being brought to a broken family, I hate that my life could have been better if ONLY my dad was not a piece of shit cheating on my mom and putting HIS family side before us, I hate that things could have been so... So much different if only he was a good person. Im not strong enough to continue pretending its not affecting my mental health, no wonder the intrusive thoughts increased these months... These past days.

I feel miserable, I feel worthless, I feel like everything is not worth it. I have insomnia until like 4 am and I panic when I cant find anything I can listen to so I can get some sleep. I havent been able to draw because I dont feel its worth it... I have only been able to distract myself playing and going to uni.

And even putting my family problems aside, I still cant find joy or hope. National news and seeing how this country its being turned into the gringos/politicians playhouse, how even if my life was "better" Im still in danger for being a queer afab person. How people still have blind faith in a fascist regime and money runs lower and lower for the working class meanwhile they proudly announce the inauguration of gentrified beaches and zones of San Salvador, displacing markets and historial establishments to put a fucking starbucks and other multinationals to be more gringo friendly while zones like Apopa and Soyapango are heavily militarized and the police can just say you are linked to the gangs to abuse you.

On top of that coming to terms that I may not end up working in anything art related and having to accept thar if I ever get a job Ill have to rot in an office, seeing how even tho I want to stay away from the norm I feel forced to join it... And that also means having to ""accept my prewritten gender role"".

Everyday that passes feels as if life will force me to live as a straight cis woman or otherwise I will just have to accept being alone the rest of my life.

I know Im being too negative right now, Im letting out how I've been feeling because lately its just been... Too much. Last night I even had a small disagreement with my mom because Im just not in the mood for being her therapist during this we're dealing. I know my dad is an asshole and I know hes using the few money he has to pamper his other woman instead of helping with the bills, I already know he tries to lie to us and acts as the victim. Its tiring to go through the same conversation about him everyday.

So yeah, back to my life... I just wish for some peace you know? I wish for a house where I can actually see the sky from my window and not worrying about at least my family problems. Srry for the sudden emotional explosion

[sweetescapeartist]

Hello friend, hope your weekened's going well!

Here's a question for you. I know you've told me you have a different interpretation about Maron (Or rather Malon according to your spelling). Care to share what your thoughts are on Maron, why she went out with Krillin, and what happened to her after their breakup?

Thanks in advance bud!

Hey! I'm doing okay. And my weekend went kinda well. Or at least what I can remember of it. 😅 (Me answering this after like... 2 weeks. Sorry. 😓) I hope you've been doing well!

(Also, I its been years since I watched episodes that Malon was in. So, I may get some things about Malon wrong.)

MY THOUGHTS ON MALON/ MY INTERPRETATION OF MALON.

Tbh, Malon is not a character I like. That's due to her personality & how she treated Krillin. She's similar to Bulma in appearance, but less attractive personality wise. (Yes... I am one of those guys who will find a physically attractive woman to be unattractive if I don't like her personality.)

Malon comes across as a girl who got whatever she wanted from her parents from fake crying. As she got older, her parents continued to give her whatever she wanted while she also got lots of gifts from guys due to her looks. Malon's maturity process was greatly limited because she never needed nor desired to "grow up" mentally. But at some point, her folks probably got tired of it and put her out.

Malon had no skills (that we know of) due to everyone doing everything for her & her parents always providing. Nor did Malon want to work for anything since most things were always given to her. But now that she was on her own, Malon knew there was one thing she could always rely on; her appearance. That never failed her.

So, Malon dated a lot of guys, but she never had a good idea of what a real relationship was like. The guys she dated would use her for her looks, she would use them for their money. That's all she knew for year. She probably felt neglected by her family and she craved attention as well as material possessions to make her feel important. Then, when she met Krillin, she figured it would be the same as the other guys, but it wasn't. Malon actually began to care about Krillin because he genuinely cared for her. Something new to her. She noticed more and more how she felt she might not need all of that attention to make her "happy." Krillin was enough for her & actually made her happy. However, Krillin was developing in his own way, so he ended up dumping her (which was a good call). Then Malon confesses that she would had married him right after. Krillin's dream was to get married so this made him want her back. But as soon as he broke up with her, Malon already found another guy.

Why did Malon immediately get with another guy seconds later? Because Malon depended on constant attention in order to feel "happiness." And when Krillin dumped her, she felt sad so that she relapsed back into her attention craving habit to give her the "high" she craved. Malon has been looking for love, but settles for fake love. And no matter how much fake love you gather, it never amounts to the real thing.

Then later during filler sections of the Cell Saga, Malon returns to Kame House in search of Krillin. She wanted to get back with him because she was realizing more and more how much she likes him and how well he treated her. And if my memory is correct, Malon says she called all of her old "boyfriends" to cheer her up after she couldn't find Krillin A.K.A. the one guy who actually made her feel happy A.K.A. the only guy she would be willing to marry. So, Malon returned to fake love. This further reveals that sadly, Malon is an attention addict. Then, we dont see her again...

The bad patterns she developed throughout the years hindered her ability to comit to one person. She's knows on a subconscious oevel that that 99.9% of the guys she dated don't care about her.

I believe that Malon is a very lonely person who thinks she needs a lot of constant attention in order to feel important. Reality hit when she discovered she actually liked Krillin, but then denail resurfaced when she realized she couldn't have Krillin back. She needed to find a way to cope with the denial and sadness, so she returns to delusion; chasing a high that she can't get again by dating tons of guys who buy her things to make her feel important & special like how 1 single person made her feel.

I'd say its similar to Instagram models who date high profile guys, the guys give them expensive gifts and take them to places around the world, then the women end up doing stuff that they don't want to do but do so for money and attention so that they can live that lavish fantasy lifestyle for attention. I won't say what those Instagram models do for money cause its pretty disturbing. Meanwhile, those women attempt to ignore the trauma they let themselves go through just for attention. But, I don't think Malon goes that far. She appears to just use guys to buy her things then goes on her way. However, like those women, Malon is a woman who doesn't understand her value and doesn't know how to treat someone who actually cares about her.

Part of me feels sorry for Malon, but the other part of me doesn't care because she's choosing to stay in denial. There's no growth when a person does that. You just gotta leave them be & hope for the best for them. I know ppl like that who don't want to grow. And those people will end up like the old folks I talk with who say "Don't do what I did. I missed out on good people and spending time with my kids because I was chasing the wrong women/men." That's a life with a lot of regret. And Malon seems to be going down that road.

WHY MALON DATED KRILLIN.

This one is a simple and to the point answer.

Malon would date most guys if they looked nice & could buy her nice things. She saw Kriilin, thought he was cute, found out if he had money, she dated him. She would call many guys her "boyfriend" without really caring what that meant. Because to her, having a "boyfriend" just meant she had a guy who would buy her fancy gifts. Krillin was one of those guys, but Malon ended up actually liking him & how he treated her more than his money & what he could buy for her.

WHAT HAPPENED TO MALON AFTER THE BREAK-UP.

For most women who behave like Malon, they end up maturing at some point after their 20's (this applies for men too, but we're talking about Malon so...). Bulma is an example of an immature woman that matures when she is in her 30's. For Bulma, being a mother is what mostly helped her mature. She had to be serious and take care of someone other than herself. She couldn't be selfish like she was before & taking care of a child helped her appreciate others more.

Also, I'm sure that Bulma stupidity bringing her baby to a battlefield & nearly dying made her wisen up and mature real quick. Seriously... who takes an infant to a war zone? An immature & selfish person, that's who. Glad Bulma got better tho.

As for Malon, she may have had a child at some point and realized she needed to grow up mentally for her child's sake. But, I've seen people remain immature even after having a child, so she may or may not have matured after becoming a mother. Depends on the individual & their circumstances.

Another option is that she just came to the realization that she needed to change herself for the better. That she needed to break her bad habits & build self-confidence instead of arrogance. Perhaps she found someone who would treat her like Krillin treated her & this time she actually appreciated them. Or maybe not. Who knows. I just hope she changed for the best.

EXTRA THOUGHTS

I have too much on my mind & I can't help but add an extra toughts section. 😅 Y'all can skip over this if you'd like.

In case for others reading this, I just want to make it clear that Malon is not canon to the Main continuity. And how I organize continuity is that certain Z Filler like the Garlic Jr. saga is connected to the DBZ movies like Dead Zone & Fusion Reborn.

Malon missed out on a life of happiness. This is due to her not having much self worth. Malon never took relationships seriously & it was normal to her to flirt with guys in order to recieve material possessions to give her a sense of happiness. (This bad habit is why she flirted with Yamcha.)

Many in the fandom only look at Krillin & take away the wrong message because they dislike him. Krillin breaking up with Malon was one of the best things he could have done for himself. But, the other side that the fandom ignores is the fact that Malon is a very sad person who is addicted to fake happiness and attention. Malon developed habits that ended sabotaging her own happiness. Krillin x Malon is a story about valuing yourself. In the end, Krillin did. Malon didn't value herself nor Krillin when she had him.

Krillin originally dated Malon because she reminded him of someone he had a crush on; Bulma, the woman he also spent many days with traveling to Namek while she walked around in her underwear. So of course he developed more attraction to Bulma. Then comes Malon who was essentially an exaggerated Bulma; a shapelier figure with bigger "melons" (hence the name & why I call her "Malon"), a more cutesy voice & refers to herself in the 3rd person, more conceded than Bulma was, used her looks to get what she wanted more than Bulma did, and Malon was more boy crazy than Bulma. But Malon mainly used the guys for money unlike Bulma. However, Malon was an airhead while Bulma was a genius. And I find it funny that Bulma really hated her when Malon was a slightly different reflection of herself. Bulma didn't realize her own flaws not even when a reflection of herself was right in front of her. But back to Krillin, he felt like Malon didn't actually love him. And she didn't. Malon simply liked Krillin more than the other guys. Fortunately, Krillin realized the relationship wasn't good for him, but he didn't want to place blame on Malon. Due to being beaten up and bullied by older monks for 9 years, he felt he wasn't good enough for Malon & blamed himself. In reality, Krillin lucked out and dodge a toxic relationship that was extremely frustrating. Even though he didn't think too highly of himself, he knew to make a decision that would benefit him in the long run. Which is one reason why 18 is so good for him, because she helps build his confidence while he reassures her of her worth as a person.

After Krillin went back at Kame House, Bulma says Krillin is better off without Malon. Then Yamcha who is in a similar relationship seems happy for Krillin. This could be implying that the way Bulma treated Yamcha is a bit similar Malon's treatment of Krillin. Both Malon & Bulma craved a lot of attention (possibly due to some neglect from their respective parents) & they behaved very selfish in their relationships. And coincidentally, Krillin's relationship with Malon reflects what happend to Yamcha and Bulma later. Guy wanted to marry girl • girl was immature & selfish • they break-up • girl gets with a bad boy/evil guy immediately after because she was addicted to the wrong kind of attention • first guy is saddened, but has to get over it & moves on • girl quickly realizes her mistake and regrets it • first guy & girl don't get back together.

[midnighteloquence]

Alkalsk

this was never meant to be a rant but it got too long so here i am (very venty so dont have to read)

i dont know what to do to feel happy for majority of the time rather than for a couple hours. like im not sure anything really helps with the permanent sadness i feel. especially when thats accompanied with the anxiety that none of my friends like me and instead of addressing the problems, they keep quiet to keep me “happy”. but i never was happy. its amazing that im not cutting myself anymore and its amazing that im not conscious of what i eat (but actually screw that because every day i feel so guilty every time i pick up food, everyday i cant understand why i continue eating knowing my conscience is screaming at me to stop) but also how much of my self destructive tendencies have been gone? like im not doing the more known versions of self destruction and labelling myself as “recovered” when im not sure i am. im not rummaging through medicine cabinets, but i still desperately wish i was not here anymore. sure im not cutting myself because of how sad i am, but if im sobbing the morning before school because of the anguish i feel then how recovered am i? if i suppressed a meltdown because i stood with my friends but i felt like i didnt truly belong standing with them how recovered am i? am i still depressed even if im not as sad as i was?

and i feel like the problem stems with my friends and the way none of them are any good at communication and communicating problems, and also how like 70% of them lie their asses off, and also how much i overthink of whether they actually want me there

but i also think it’s because of school because i dread going into that building, to see the bitches that’ll laugh behind me in the corridors and say slurs they cant reclaim, to go to classes that id rather die than be in for an hour, its gotten so tiring but ik i have to stick around because its the fucking law and i know no other school would be any better

and the one that makes it worth it is leaving and nobody around me seems to care? ik it seems like i dont either but thats how i cope. for me and processing stuff like this, ignorance is bliss.

and i tell myself nothing lasts permanently, and i tell myself that both the past and the future are just different versions of the present and that the future will come soon and none of this will matter, but that makes me feel worse. is there any point in any of these feelings if i know full well i’ll feel better later? in a day? or a week? or even a year? but part of me wants the present to stay, despite me knowing how much the present moves. i hate this anguish i feel but also if i could stay in the present moment forever, that would be nice

but eternity and forever is my worst fear. im not scared of what comes after because i dont know what’ll come after, im scared because it lasts forever. what keeps me sane is that us as humans will always feel an infinite range of emotions, negative and positive. so if heaven exists and i get it, is it just eternal happiness? how can i keep sane if im just forever happy? and eternal nothing scares me too because what do i even feel if i feel nothing? do i think? how long can i think for before i have nothing else to think about? would i go insane then too?

which is why i like life so much because i know eventually it has an end. but thats such a paradox because i want life to last forever so i dont have to experience forever. i kinda wish that we have next lives so i can do this all again and dont have to stay put somewhere as the same person forever. because a unique experience is what would make it worth it

went off topic lol

[laaawliet]

i am actually in fact extremely depressed LOL several people have asked me what my plans for 2024 are and i have no idea. idk how to plan, i dont feel comfortable thinking about the future. 10 years ago i was sure i was going to die and im still here and it doesn't feel like a good thing skjnjks i keep looking for people's approval and i'm still lonely as fuck and idk what to do, i really don't know if it would be better to literally die or if im overreacting skdjkjs idk if i should delete everything and throw my phone away and stop doing things so that i dont have to go through this fucking ordeal every few weeks. i havent had time to actually process things and im so tired of not being wanted and comparing myself and just being sad all the time lol and i HAVE to say lol because i have to lessen the thing obv .... ugh

it's been a while since i do my moping in here because it's gotten to the point where i know that 1. no one reads this (which is, again, something that makes me go "why do i want someone to read this?" etc) and 2. if someone reads it, they don't care? like objectively, what can anyone do for me anyway? lol i remember when i started this blog it used to crush me that everyone got asks and i never did (have grown to accept this as a reality, that's not even what this post is about). it made me so upset not figuring out what i needed to have to have people seek me out and want to interact with me. im the person that always searches others and i know i make people get used to that by being like that but at the same time i AM tired. and sad. it used to make me so upset that i ~tried so hard to be likeable and it obviously backfired. i've taken to reading stuff i used to write back then and i ache for the person i was and how i didn't see how normal and nice and even funny i was lol but i never made anything anyone found "worth" it and that was enough to make me feel like crap. i even gave up writing for 5 years because i was never going to be a person people enjoyed reading lol or paid attention to or whatever. i do care about the stupid numbers and i hate being like this but i seriously don't know HOW to stop caring about it. someone told me once maybe i should just stop writing if it makes me so miserable but i was more miserable when i didnt write. idk what the point of being alive rn is. my career needs me to be something im not or have money that i dont have. the world is full of shit. people keep dying all the time and i dont know, my thoughts are not in order im not doing good

[theinsanityofacreative]

Sometimes i think about what it would be like to meet my OCs- but not in the way as if they were real people but as the creations that i have created.

Like somehow one of my OCs just popped out of the screen i was drawing on- maybe Joey since i'm always drawing him, and he just looks at me and the screen and puts two and two together and he just looks at me and says, "so you're the one that made me."

It's not a question, but I answer yes anyways. His face contorts into confliction because what other emotions do you feel when suddenly face to face with your creator. And maybe deep down he knows that everything he does and says in his own world isn't even of his own free will but of my strange and cruel imagination. But now standing next to my desk, suddenly feeling free will for the first time ever, he looks at me with his sad, downturned eyes and asks a question that has always plagued his mind. A question that only plagued his mind in the first place because I made that way.

"Why did you make me like this?"

and he says it so sadly, because why would someone create something so horrible and cruel? And my heart fills with guilt because it's not even that I want him to suffer because I love him so much but I needed him to be like this for myself. But i don't know how to put that feeling into words so I just say, "I don't know..."

"Do you hate me?" He asks,

"No, I could never hate you. You mean everything to me."

"Then why? Why would you make me go through all of these horrible things? Why would you make me such a horrible person?"

And I don't know how to answer because i dont know how to explain it's his pain that makes me love him so much. But he's close to tears and his face is an image of betrayal. So I answer honestly.

"You helped me process my own emotions. You were my outlet that kept my story from turning into yours. Every scar I etched into your skin was a scar I prevented from appearing on mine. And I just want other people to see themselves in you so you can help them too."

and maybe something clicks in his head as he looks at this tired short girl in front of him. How she can't be much older than him. Not like the powerful God that he learned about on Sundays at church. Suddenly tears are flowing down his cheeks freely. Because this person who had created him loved him so much because he was the only thing that gave her solace when she had no one.

I think i would brush his bangs out of his face. Maybe I'd laugh a little hysterically because it was crunchy and greasy just like I imagined it would be. Maybe I pull him into a hug because this boy that I love so so much is here and I can hug him and thank him and apologize to him. And maybe he hugs back and he realizes that I smell like lavender just like his sister. And of course I do because I created her too after all.

And he hesitantly looks at me, a question clearly burning in his throat, "Do I get a happy ending?"

And maybe I'm crying too. because his story is only just beginning and I have so much in store for him. and he doesn't even seem to be afraid of losing his free will once he goes back home. Maybe he knows that this exchange won't be remembered.

So I brush his bangs away and kiss his forehead. I tell him the truth, "I love you too much to not give you a happy ending."

And when he's about to leave, he's a little scared. because he knows there's more. He knows that his happy ending is going to be a long road and that there are always more stories to tell. But I comfort him. and I tell him, "You're story is the most important story I will have ever written." And for a second he smiles. and maybe he thanks me.

and it's a stupid thing to imagine because its just a character i created in my mind but he means so much to me i just wish i could let him know. and not to preach at the end but i feel like if the roles were switched it would be a similar conversation between me and God. because that's kinda what I am aren't i? a god to these characters who dont know anything outside of their world. and maybe just maybe he's comforted that his god is just a depressed young girl who just needed comfort.