#i am so sorry to my fellow bad at reading and processing people i hope you get the joke shawdy

[sircomputer]

Got that honey tea, got that sore throat, and its NOT from not getting sick.

[wraithdance]

https://www.tumblr.com/wraithdance/765961917651140608/i-really-liked-your-explanation-of-the-whole?source=share

I am really bad at articulating my thoughts but I think about this a lot as someone who hopes to 1- major in neuroscience (i'm 18, going to uni next year) and 2- is trans. I know being trans is not the same thing at all as POC experiences with fic, very cognizant of that, but more to the point where I relate to the aspect of not being able to get over the like mental wall of seeing "neutral" readers as me? I don't know what my brain is doing when i read certain fics but sometimes i can't do it.

I feel like I should close read some of my favorite fic and least favorite fic to see if there are triggers I didn't notice on the first read. does that make sense or seem similar to what you experience? Again I know it's not the same thing, but like i am so curious as to what cis straight white people put in their fic that makes it so obvious that they're cis straight white.

I am sorry if this bothers you, really not my intentions, I am obviously a future brain nerd and i can't stop thinking about this

Congratulations fellow Nerd! You've activated my interest in Race theory and fandom writing from an academic perspective!

Writing reflects life and to answer this question properly, I have to talk about life shit to catch you up to speed, (this should help if you take a sociology or cultural anthropology class lmao) So, Welcome to:

Calvary yaps: Sociology & Intersectionality in fandom writing 101!

Disclaimer: I'm just a random bitch on the internet who loves English and the ridiculousness of social hierarchies, this will be referencing American social constructs and in groups only, with a focus on my experience as a Black American woman who reads a shit ton of books. Don't fight me if you hate my explanation, I will simply not respond.

Read my house rules before sending me an ask, I'm just being a dumb ass rn and word vomiting my interests, so pls i beg no follow up questions unless I say I'm open to em later.

Definitions to know:

Socialization: the act of preparing individuals to participate in society by learned social norms taught in ones family or social settings like school/friend groups. (one can be socialized in gender, race, cultural practices, etc.)

Social Hierarchies: systems of social organization in which some individuals enjoy a higher social status than others (in my opinion this is a lingering safety measure from lizard brain cavemen hunter/gatherer days)

Intersectionality: A term coined by Kimberlé Crenshaw; The process of acknowledging the unique parallels a marginalized person experiences when they have more than one marginalization (ie: race, class, gender, sexuality, ability, size, etc.)

Matriarchal society: Social groups/family structures that center female figures as representatives of authority.

Implicit Bias: Unintentional bias a person may have towards a group or individual based on learned stereotypes, prejudices, perceptions based on another's background or state of being.

first, yes anon you are making sense! So the main question:

'What cis straight white people put in their fic that makes it so obvious that they're cis straight white?'

I've been mulling this question around in my head for a few days and tried to figure out how to articulate this without going into depth in Sociological theory, but I can't! So here we are lmao, this is long as fuck so TLDR here.

I've talked to a LOT of Black and PoC people over the last months because I thought I was the only one who felt strange or could tell immediately when a writer was white, despite doing the best job they could to be neutral.

Every person I spoke to agreed they could tell right away even if we don't share similar racial backgrounds.

The answer I've come up with to why that is, is because white people are socialized (taught by society/their parents how to behave) in a way many black and PoC people are not, so their reader characters will often act in a way PoC people have learned not to, so it flags for many of us.

I plan to answer another question about this at a later date so an example is with shit like:

An over deference to hyper masculine male characters (for PoC cultures like certain Black/Latine groups that are often matriarchal in nature and don’t ascribe to as many traditional gender roles, this is a flag), lack of interpersonal/familial connection, over meekness, no challenging of external factors so things just HAPPEN to the reader and lack of awareness of surroundings to name a few. 

A lot of the language of the irl world places white cis people from Western countries as the default and everyone else as others. In which, PoC people have learned to navigate the world very carefully with a hyper-focus on what will potentially bring them harm/scrutiny/ostracism especially in white dominant spaces.

That extends to when we have down time while reading or partaking in media smfh.

I'm sure you've had to learn the same as a trans person navigating cis spaces and it's the same with any marginalization! If you are disabled you have an awareness of able bodied people and their expectations, same with being fat amongst skinny people, etc.

The more marginalizations you have, the louder the rules of social hierarchies become. Which is why many marginalized ppl stick close to those who 'get it' in their social groups as an act of safety in numbers. (Many of us attempt to have strong family connection/harmony because of this)

So referring to your comment about being trans is not the same thing at all as POC experiences with fic, it is when you are a Black or PoC trans person! My angel face @/buttdumplin has spoken a lot about that as a Mexican transman reading fics by cis people!

(Please for the love of God no one come to me explaining how marginalized they are so they shouldn't be lumped in with the white ppl PoC are cognizant of, I will check myself into a psych ward)

So what does that gotta do with reading fics?

No matter what anyone thinks, it is damn near impossible to not frame your writing from the perspective of your lived experiences. It's why even when I try my hardest to make my characters not sound Black, they will always read that way because I have been Black all of my life!

And it doesn't just happen with race, go on tiktok and search male authors writing women. (or here's another article lmao)

Also ask a Southerner how they know someone has never been to the South and don't know shit about our accents when they write Graves. There are linguistic tells that flag off and why we flame actors who pick up southern accents for their roles.

(They chew on that terrible goddamn Appalachian or Louisiana Accent not realizing Southern accents come in many fonts.)

So when I read a fic about Kyle Garrick from a non black person, I can tell the writer is non black by linguistic implications, the things they emphasize about him and what they don't. It doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy reading fics from non black people, I can just tell!

And sometimes that means I, and other PoC's associate the Reader as a white OC while reading fics.

For example, all black people are not monolithic because of our cultural and regional experiences, but many of us share common threads. That's usually family involvement, colloquialisms, that stupid fucking cookie tin our elders put sewing supplies in...

Other non Black PoC people might share similar cultural practices, so when I'm reading fics from say a latina, I will cock my head and go wait.... are you...? And surely enough, they are a person of color. 

But even while reading from a non black PoC, I have to tread carefully because anti black sentiment exists in many cultures, which is why you'll hear me say Black and PoC/Non black people interchangeably.

It’s how the conversation of Implicit bias comes up, because unknowingly non white characters can sometimes be written with a hyper focus that makes them seem inhumanly one characteristic or with little to no background while the other characters are fully fleshed out.

like the character of color is just a stand in to move the plot around white characters forward. 

So all that to say, without sometimes meaning to white writers will always sound off to me in a way that my brain can pick up on in the most minuscule ways because my awareness of my blackness/otherness has been drilled in from birth and reinforced by social norms.

I can even tell immediately if a white person has been around only white spaces their whole life with the jokes they tell lol.

In the grand scheme of things the race of the writer is most important to me when something jarring comes up that slaps me away from the experience, it explains so much of the disconnect.

Every marginalized person has a threshold for what they can ignore as a ‘trigger’ before they’re ejected from reader inserts, mine is usually the association with racial historical happenings, certain gender dynamics, etc.

It's why I mention crying like a little bitch when I read my friend Jess's (Kyletogaz) TF 141 Hair series, Dragon’s (Dragonnarative-writes) Transferrable Skills, and even Xavi's (Buttdumplin) Piercing fic.

Reading those fics felt like safety and familiarity. It was a moment where I realized I could drop the mental load I had no idea I was carrying, where I was trying to prepare myself for potential emotional damage and just READ.

It's also why as a Black person who fucks with kink and sex work it's been so touch and go when navigating dark fics/kink fics/fics about Sex workers.

Because there are different rules of engagement non white kinksters have to be aware of and that leads to a point on the collective vs. Individual experience as a PoC in kink, that I’ll eventually make a post about at some point or another. Maybe…

So yeah I’m tired of yapping. I hope this long shit was enough of an explanation!! Thanks to my friends Kiko, Jules, Xavi and Folded for yapping with me so I could articulate this better!!

[i-can-even-burn-salad]

Writerly Question Tag

Stealing this one from @leahnardo-da-veggie but leaving it under a cut because it's really long :D

I'm tagging @starlit-hopes-and-dreams @pleasestaywithmedarling @writingphoenix and @sarandipitywrites if you feel like doing it (there's a lot of questions :D) and also an open tag.

About You

When did you start writing?

I probably "wrote" before, but I remember wanting to write some huge fantasy epic when I was around 12-14. Spoiler: I did not, in fact, write a huge fantasy epic.

Are the genres/themes you enjoy reading different from the ones you write?

I read more things than I like to write. I only write romance-adjacent darkish fantasy (is it slice of life if the char gets sliced), but I love reading murder mysteries, some more mainstream romance, and lots of YA and fantasy that are heavier on the plot than what I do.

Is there an author (or just a fellow writer!) you want to emulate, or one to whom you’re often compared?

I don't actively try to emulate anyone, but I sure keep picking up things left and right. But even when I read something great and think "wow, I wish I could write like this" it often would not fit "my" style, whatever that may be. The one time I actively tried to soak up things was from my dearest @alittlewhump <3

Can you tell me a little about your writing space(s)?

There really is just once space, which is my desk, because I do not have a laptop and I will not write on my phone. Also, I never leave the house, so. (It's a mess, and with the exception of several character prints on the loft bed in front of the desk, the decoration is gaming oriented.)

What’s your most effective way to muster up some muse?

Hahahahhaaha. *sobs* Sometimes ridiculous deadlines and pressure work.

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

Absolutely. For example, I have never had real contact to anyone in my family outside parents/siblings/grandparents (and the latter are long dead), so I tend to forget that families can be bigger and most of my chars have exactly one sibling XD Also sorry y'all (nonspecific) are fed up with the generic western european fantasy world with deciduous forests, snowy winters, and castles, but *looks around* yeah.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

Loneliness. Looking for a place to belong. Never being enough. Trying to figure out wtf love is. Haha. I am super surprised.

Your Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favorite character? (Current WIP, past WIP, never used, etc.)

We all know it's Damien, don't we? 😔 I can't just write like 300k words about a guy going through hell and back without loving him. He's perfect. Traumatic backstory. Lowkey morally gray even though he has such a good heart. He gets the pain, and the asexuality, and the self-hate, and the cool sparkly magic. For my active projects, there's Riordan, my aro-allo, ridiculously positive mercenary guy who has no manners - I really, really want to make him despair and cry for once. And there are Ross and Irina, and it's impossible to have one without the other, but I can't even say much about them yet, because they're still developing (we gotta get them out of the torture dungeon so they can have a personality.)

Which of your characters would you be friends with in real life?

Probably Merridy. I wish I could show her video games. It's a fantasy story and you can play it yourself? Sign her up. It would be hard not to be friends with Riordan, though.

Which characters would you dislike the most if you met them?

Except for all the bad guys, I think Lily would be too exhausting for me. Not so much dislike, just please get your early bird extroverted energy over there while I remain over here.

Tell me about the process of coming up with your characters?

I have a vibe, and that vibe grows arms and legs. Sometimes even a regular amount. By the time I put the char on (digital) paper for the first time, I know very little about them other than a few bullet points. They develop together with the story.

Do you notice any reoccurring themes/traits in your characters?

Asexuality. I have to force myself to write an allo char, and even then ... XD I also probably need a guide on how to write neurotypical chars, sometimes I look at one and am like... "oh no, not you, too." And almost all of them like books :D

How do you picture your characters?

I do not. (Aphantasia gang rise up.) I create portraits for them in the game I play, which works ok-ish. It doesn't have great options, but I'm stuck with it, because I have most of them as characters I play.

Your Writing

What’s your reason for writing?

I have to. There's things in my head. They need to leave.

Is there a specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

To be frank, I write about things that will alienate a lot of "normal" readers, be it the violence, the queerness, or disabilities. It means a lot to me if something like that resonates with someone, because if I don't reach that audience the only one that's left is the one that asks "but why would you include X, ew :/"

How do you want to be thought of by those who read your work?

While I wish my work to be perceived, I do not wish to be perceived myself.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I uh. Write. By which I mean, I don't need anything to start. No outline, no moodboard, nothing but 3 vibes in a trenchcoat and some random thought I had a few months ago. Sometimes I get stuck and lose interest, but I have a couple of finished works, so I'll keep going like that for now.

What have you been frequently told your greatest writing strength is by others?

I have no idea, but it's not prepositions.

How do you feel about your own writing?

It's good enough. (Except for the prepositions.)

If you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

Probably. I mean, I hate writing by hand, so depends on how long electricity is running without any other humans around, but that's not the question, is it. I'm not sure it would take the same shape as it does now, if I never publish, I don't need to stress myself with the deadline of edits, but I would still have to put it all down, because I HATE when I forget my daydreams 😭

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy?

I mostly write what I want to read myself, but I would be lying if I didn't admit that I have added things multiple times in the past thinking "oh, I know who would like that". To be clear, that's not talking about an "audience", that's my dearest friends who could go for a little impalement or medieval execution :) Sometimes it's also "you know what we need more of?" posts, but let's be honest, none of those people will ever read it. I just happen to agree with them. On the other hand, I have censored myself in the past because I was afraid what others will say. It's great sitting on every single fucking squick list out there. Lastly, there's also that issue where sometimes, I want to write something, but the story develops in a way that it doesn't end up fitting, and while I am sad, I will bow to the will of the story.

[davishater]

Guys, I am so sorry.... This post might just break Tumblr.... If you see my post and your Tumblr breaks, I apologize IMMENSELY! I have just written a Winter Moriarty X Reader that is 5,284 words..... Please forgive me..... 🙏 At the end, there is a part where Winter and the reader watch TV. I got that idea from @kawasemy I hope that I have been able to feed my fellow, starving, Winter simps. Again, please forgive me for everything and read the tags for more humor. Also, masterlist link in the beginning, cause it's too long to scroll....

Masterlist

Winter shoves her pale hands into her pockets and watches the sky, as the heavens shed their tears on the city of London. She was never fond of the constant rainy weather, but it's where she's lived her entire life, so all she can do is accept the gloomy weather. At least, it was gloomy until she met a certain someone.

Winter exits the store she's in and runs towards a canopy in the park across the street. She watches her only friend jump in the puddles on the basketball court the rain created. Her laughter reaching Winter's cold ears, even from that distance.

"Y/n!"

Winter calls out to her friend and she waves with a bright smile on her face. Winter weakly waves back, but quickly returns her hand to her warmer pockets.

Y/n moved here for school, from a dry climate in America. They met in a cafe, when the clumsy girl tripped and dropped her books and computer on Winter, also spilling her coffee on her in the process. The coffee had also gotten all over Y/n's computer. Winter felt bad for what happened, and even though she doesn't make it a habit to help everyone who crosses her path, she offered to fix the girls computer. Y/n's outgoing personality had pushed the unwanted friendship onto her, but after sometime, Winter couldn't bother to avoid the strange girl. She finally accepted the friendship; the first one she's had since her younger sister died.

Winter calls out to her friend again and she comes running. She stands underneath the canopy with Winter and laughs from all the fun she was having.

"You've been out here forever, aren't you done?"

Winter slightly shivers as she shoves her hands deeper into her pockets.

"What? You're such a party pooper! Why don't you come join me? You'll have more fun."

Y/n pulls on Winter's arm.

"Hard pass. You know I'm not a fan of the rain."

"And yet, you're out here with me."

Winter goes quiet at her comment and looks back out at the rain. She then speaks up to divert from the topic.

"I can't believe you forgot your umbrella."

"Well, I didn't think it was going to rain." She replies.

"Y/n, it's London. It always rains here."

"Well, it's been sprinkling lately, so I didn't think it'd come down this hard..."

"Never trust the weather here." Winter advises.

She turns back to Y/n, wipes some wet hair off of her face and brushes it behind her ear.

"Did they look at your motorcycle?" Y/n asks, brushing the rest of her hair back with her fingers.

"Yeah, just some minor issues. I can pick it up tomorrow afternoon."

"That's good, it wasn't as bad as we thought."

Winter nods and shivers again.

"If we don't dry you off, you'll catch a cold." Winter says a little concerned.

"Nah, I'm sure I'll be fine!"

"What?" Winter smirks. "Cause 'idiots don't catch colds?'"

"What!? No!"

Y/n huffs and dramatically folds her arms across her chest. Winter chuckles at how naturally expressive she is. She's been surrounded for so long by people hiding their true feelings, it's refreshing seeing someone that's so easy to read.

"It's not that funny..." Y/n continues pouting.

Winter ignores her and grabs the back of her shoulders, pushing her towards the main road.

"Come on, let's get you something warm to drink."

Winter and Y/n walk alongside the sidewalk towards the cafe that's nearby. A truck drives by and Winter tries to shield Y/n from the large splash from the truck running over the puddle, but it drenched Winter and still got on Y/n.

"Oh my gosh, Winter! Are you ok?"

Winter sputters to try and get the muddy taste out of her mouth, but fails, and wipes the excess water from off her face with her hand.

"I'm fine. What about you?"

"I'm good, but most of the water got on you! Uhg, you're more soaked than I am! Man, what a jerk!" Y/n shouts, sounding annoyed.

Winter looks at her a little questioningly.

"It happens. Come on, let's head inside."

"Are they even gonna let us inside with how wet you are?"

"Yeah. It's normal to see people drenched walking into places to get dried off from the rain."

"I see."

The girls walk into the cafe and a hostess immediately runs up to them with two towels.

"I saw what happened through the window. Are you two alright?"

"Yeah." Winter replies, plainly.

She takes the towels and places one on her shoulders and the other on Y/n's head.

"Could we use your restroom to clean ourselves up?" Y/n asked the hostess.

"Of course! Follow me."

They followed the hostess to the restrooms meant for paying customers and unlocked the door for the drenched girls. They walk inside and Winter starts rubbing the towel over Y/n's head. She swats Winter's hand away and dries off her own hair.

"I'm fine, just take care of yourself."

Winter takes a step back and stares at Y/n out of the corner of her eye. She then goes to the sink and starts washing her mouth out from the dirt taste she had since earlier. Winter wipes her mouth on the towel around her shoulders and then slowly puts it over her head and starts drying off her hair. She glances at her friend again and sees the small pout on her face.

"Are you upset with me?" Winter asks quietly.

"What? Of course not! Why would you think that?"

"You're not you're usual happy self..."

"Oh... No, I'm upset with that truck driver... There's no way he didn't see us or the puddle! He should've slowed down! Driving through puddles like that can ruin your car and it gets people wet! It was so unnecessary and if I could, I'd definitely yell at him about it! I swear, some people are just so inconsiderate!"

"He really got you that upset?"

Winter looks a little surprised.

"Of course! Now there's a possibility of you getting sick! Oh, I swear, if you do, I'm going to hunt him down and give him a piece of my mind!"

Winter accidentally lets a chuckle escape her lips and she's shocked from her own reaction.

"What? I'm serious you know!"

"I know."

"Then why'd you laugh?"

"Well... I don't know myself... I guess, it's cause I'm seeing a new side of you. I don't think I've ever seen you get mad before. I almost thought you weren't capable of that kind of emotion."

"Huh? Well of course I get mad! That's a normal human reaction, so I wouldn't be a normal human otherwise."

"Oh, my bad! I didn't realize you were capable of being normal." Winter mocked.

"What? Hey! I can be normal!"

"I'd bet my life you can't be normal about anything."

"Now that's just mean!"

Y/n pouts and Winter chuckles again. She stares at Winter's face and sees black streaks running down her cheeks from her eyes.

"Oh dear, your makeup is running."

She grabs some toilet paper and wipes off the black streaks from Winter's cheeks. Winter stares into her eyes as she does so.

"I could've done that, you know."

"And I could've handled getting drenched, so we're even now."

Winter looks away and continues rubbing the towel over her head. She then frantically pulls out her wallet and phone from her pockets. The few bills and business cards she had in her wallet were far from saving and just made the wallet look like a mess. She puts her wallet on the sink and then tries turning on her phone, but it refuses to respond. Winter cusses underneath her breath.

"That bad?" Y/n asks.

"Well, I can't contact anyone, which isn't that big a deal, but I don't have access to money either."

"Oh... Yeah that's pretty bad."

"How's your phone?"

"Well, let's see."

She pulls out her phone, which has a heavy duty case on it, and tries turning it on.

"Oh yay! My phone works!"

"I bet the case is what saved it."

Y/n chuckles, a little embarrassed.

"Yeah, I tend to drop my phone often... I guess my clumsy nature helped us a little there?"

Winter smirks and shakes her head.

"Well we at least still have access to my money, if there's anything we need." Y/n says, hopeful.

"No, save your money. Use that for your school needs."

"But I want to help out, too."

"You don't have to worry about that."

"Ok, then have you figured out how we're going to get back to my apartment without using money? We came kinda far and it's too far to walk in the rain without an umbrella."

Winter goes silent and looks away. She takes off her leather jacket and hoodie and tosses them to the floor. She then starts pulling on her t-shirt that's sticking to her body and rings out some of the water. Y/n sighs and looks around the bathroom. She then grabs Winter's hand and leads her to the hand dryer.

"Come on, we can at least dry you off a little, while we come up with a plan."

Y/n turns on the hand dryer and it blows in Winter's face. She closes her eyes and winces from the sudden intensity. Winter takes the towel from off her head and shakes her head as the warm wind blows her hair dry. She then lifts up her shirt a little, showing her stomach and waist. Winter looks up and notices Y/n staring.

"Is there a problem?" Winter asks.

"Oh... No, it's nothing."

Y/n turns her head away and Winter notices her cheeks are slightly pinker than before. Winter pulls her friend closer to her as she looks surprised from the sudden notion.

"Dry yourself off with the hand dryer, too. I don't want you getting sick, either."

Y/n complies and starts to try and dry her clothes while they're still on. The feeling of her clothes slowly drying on her made them feel icky. She scrunches her nose from the feeling and feels awkward drying herself off with a small hand dryer and Winter standing closely next to her. She knows it was her idea, but didn't realize how awkward, or embarrassing, this situation would be. Lifting your arm up to dry your armpit, while someone you care about is standing so close to you, isn't the ideal situation...

"This isn't working. We'd be able to dry our clothes better if we took them off." Winter suggested, sounding a little annoyed.

She starts lifting her shirt even higher to take it off, but Y/n stops her.

"Wait, wait, wait!"

"What?"

"Well... I uh- I'm not exactly comfortable with that..."

"Oh..."

Winter put her shirt down, then picks both her jackets off the floor and starts ringing out the water in the sink.

"So? What should we do now?" Y/n asks.

"Well, this little hand dryer isn't going to be enough to dry us off. We're going to have to change into different clothes in order to get warmer."

"Well then, at least let me buy us some warm drinks as we come up with a plan."

Winter sighs and gives into the girls protests.

"Fine, but that's it! Nothing else."

"Deal."

Winter collects her things and they leave the bathroom and sit at one of the small tables next to the window. A waitress comes over and takes their orders. Y/n stares out the window as they sit in silence until their drinks come.

Once the waitress gives them their drinks, Y/n thanks her and drinks from her cup. Winter immediately puts her hands on her cup and keeps them there. Every so often, she sips from the mug.

"I swear, how does someone not bring an umbrella along when it's raining?" Winter mocks a second time.

"Hey! You don't have one, either!"

Winter sighs.

"Ok, that's fair."

"There's a hotel across the street there."

Y/n points out the building and Winter follows the direction she's pointing in.

"Why would we go to a hotel?"

"Well, we can shower, and they have a washing machine, and we can stay there until the weather lightens up. The forecast also says tomorrow won't have as much rain as today."

"And who's money are we going to use to stay there?"

Y/n goes silent and pouts again.

"I told you, you need to save your money for school. I'm sure the fees take up the majority of your allowance anyways."

"You don't know that." She says, still pouting.

"Ok, then how much do you usually have left after you've paid the fees?"

Y/n blows a bubble in her cheeks and pouts more.

"That's... None of your business."

"Which means it's not much."

She whines and turns her attention outside again as Winter shakes her head. After sometime, her friend starts chuckling.

"What's so funny?"

"No, sorry. I just realized, it's kind of like we're on a date and you're the guy who wants to pay for everything just to make a good impression."

Winter becomes flustered and rests her chin on her hand to hide her embarrassment and slightly pink cheeks. She looks out the window as she speaks quietly.

"O-oh, uh... Does it?"

Y/n sees through Winter's failed composure and continues chuckling.

"I'm sorry, maybe that was too much for me to say."

"No, you did nothing wrong."

Winter puts both her hands back on her cup and stares out the window, watching the rain fall as Y/n looks at her. She then turns her attention outside as well. After some time, Winter speaks up.

"If you let me pay you back, I'll let you use your money to at least pay for a taxi."

"Yes!"

Y/n's face brightens up.

"Let me use your phone to call a taxi." Winter says, putting her hand out.

"Why can't you use your phone?"

Winter's shoulders fall and she frowns at her friend.

"Oh right, I forgot."

Y/n pulls out her phone and gives it to Winter as she rolls her eyes and shakes her head, as she dials the number to order a taxi. After a few minutes of Winter talking on the phone and growing more annoyed, she scoffs and hangs up the phone.

"They're all gonna be busy for a while."

"Well should we wait until one is available? Or take the trains or bus?"

"Rather not be in a crowded place if I don't have to."

Winter replied, with her fist pushing into her cheek, and the way she spoke sounded silly. Y/n giggled and Winter paid her no mind.

"I remember you don't like crowds. If only your motorcycle could be ready in a few hours."

"We can't do anything about that. Why don't we just start walking? There's a small store around the corner from here. We can buy an umbrella there and dry off at your place."

"If you're ok with that."

"There's nothing else we can do and it won't be good if either of us get sick. Gotta do what we gotta do to get dried off as quickly as possible."

"Yeah, you got a point."

The two girls finish their drinks and Y/n goes up to the counter and pays. Winter holds both of her jackets and waits by the entrance. They walk out together and quickly head to the general store around the corner. Y/n grabs one umbrella, pays for it and then heads back to Winter, who's again waiting by the entrance.

"Give it to me."

Y/n gives the umbrella to Winter as they walk outside. She opens it up and holds it over both of their heads as they start walking towards her friends house.

"Why don't you let me walk on the outside of the road this time?"

"No, you stay on that side." Winter says, bluntly.

"But what if a car comes by and splashes you again?"

"I'm more aware of my surroundings, so I can move us out of the way faster if that happens."

"What about earlier? You didn't move out of the way then."

Winter sighs.

"I shielded you, didn't I?"

Y/n goes quiet and looks down at her feet as she walks. Winter notices her silence and mentally scolds herself for not being good at relaying exactly what she wants to say.

"Besides, I'd be more comfortable if I was the one next to the road." Winter continues.

"Alright fine. Guess I can't really say anything if that's the reason."

Winter pats her head and they continue walking down the street towards Y/n's apartment.

"What if you let me hold the umbrella?" Y/n ask after a minute of silence.

"No, I'll hold the umbrella."

"Well, I want to help with something, too."

"You've done enough."

Y/n huffs while Winter stares at her and sighs.

"You really want to do something more?"

"Obviously..."

"Here."

Winter hands her jackets over to her sulking friend.

"This helps me."

Y/n smiles a goofy grin and giggles contently as she holds Winter's jackets close to her. Winter looks away and scratches her cheek. Y/n looks up at her and swears she saw a light pink color dust Winter's cheeks, but it was too dark outside for her to tell. They walk in silence for a few minutes.

"So, what do you want to do once we get back to my place?" Y/n asks.

"I just want to get warm, I don't care about anything else."

Y/n hums in response.

"Are you gonna stay the night then?"

"No." Winter replies, furrowing her brow at her friend.

"How come?"

"I'm not going to intrude on you."

"But you won't be! Besides, how are you going to get home without your motorcycle?"

"I'll manage."

"What if I force you to stay?"

"Well, then I wouldn't have a choice now, would I?"

A wide grin is placed on Y/n's face and she hugs Winter's arm as they walk.

"Then I guess that's what I'm going to have to do! I'm forcing you to stay over!"

Y/n giggles with excitement and starts skipping.

"You're that happy to force me to stay over?"

"Of course! It means we get to hangout longer!"

Winter stares at Y/n.

"You're weird."

Y/n giggles again.

Winter looks out at the street, watches the cars drive by and the people traveling to their destinations. She sees the many different expressions and judges their thoughts accordingly. Some enjoy the rain, some aren't fond of the weather and some just accepts this as a part of their life. Winter remembers that she doesn't like the rain, but finds she doesn't mind the gloomy weather at this moment. She feels a shiver come on, but the feeling immediately goes away, and her body starts to warm up without the need to shiver.

She listens to her friend hum the chorus over and over from a popular song in London right now. It's a song Winter isn't fond of, but she finds herself fighting the urge to hum along to the stupid song. She hears splashing at her feet, along with the pitter patter of rain echoing all around her, and looks down. Y/n has continued to jump in each puddle they come across again today, but Winter pays her no mind. Her friend grips her arm, for support, as she jumps in ever puddle. Winter doesn't mind it when the water splashes up onto her shoes, or even the bottom of her pants. In fact, she finds it more comical, than anything.

"If you keep skipping like that, you're going to slip and fall."

"No I won't, cause you'll catch me!"

"Will I?"

"Mh hm!"

Winter stays silent and after a few seconds, she starts moving her body weight downwards. Y/n doesn't notice until she jumps in another puddle and her grip on Winter's arm becomes unstable, from her change in posture, causing her to slip. Y/n shrieks and Winter holds her up with her arm to keep her from falling to the ground. She smacks Winter's shoulder annoyed as she spots a small smile creep up on Winter's lips.

"You did that on purpose!" Y/n yells annoyed.

"Maybe that'll teach you to be more careful." Winter says, chuckling.

"You're so mean, betraying my trust like that!"

"Well, I never told you to trust me."

"I know, but I wanted to trust you."

"I don't know why."

"Well, obviously cause you're such a good person... Somewhere."

Winter chuckles again at the "somewhere" part.

Winter stops walking and pulls her friend back, before she walks out from underneath the umbrella.

"Where are you going?" Winter asks.

"Huh? What do you mean? Aren't we going to my apartment?"

"Yeah, it's right here."

"What?"

Y/n turns her head and sees they're standing right next to her apartment building.

"Oh, yeah, you're right! Wow, I thought we would have to walk further."

"Well, we have been walking for a while." Winter replied.

"Have we? I never noticed. I guess I was having so much fun with you, time had gone by much faster. Do you ever get that?"

Winter hesitates to speak, but decided to just say what's on her mind.

"Yeah. I wasn't expecting the walk to go by that quickly, either. I almost walked past your apartment building, too."

"You and I are just so silly, huh?" Y/n giggles.

"No, being with you just lowers my IQ."

"What!? You can't say that! That's so mean!"

Y/n hits Winter's shoulder again. She chuckles as she watches her friends reaction.

"Come on, let's head inside and dry off. I'm so done with being cold and wet."

"Ok, let's go!"

Y/n holds onto Winter's arm again and they walk to the front entrance. When they get to the door, Winter closes the umbrella and continues to walk up to her friends small apartment. When the girls walk in the entryway, Y/n shuts the door behind them. They both sigh loudly, in unison, and then look at each other chuckling.

"Why don't you take a shower first?" Y/n suggests.

"I can't do that. You go take the first one."

"I don't have the energy to argue with you. Give me your clothes to wash and hop in the shower, right now." Y/n says sternly.

"O-ok." Winter says a little surprised.

She starts lifting her shirt up and Y/n stares at the curves in her sides and back. Winter's pale skin, how curvy she is, the placement of her veins and the thickness of her spine, Y/n takes a mental note of all of it. She even becomes jealous of the few droplets of water sliding down her back and disappearing in the fabric of her jeans. She wishes her fingers could feel Winter's skin, just like the rain that soaked her today.

Y/n realizes she's staring and the kind of thoughts she's having, so she immediately covers her eyes with her hands. She hears the sounds of Winter stripping down and the wet fabric pulling away from her skin. Y/n feels a tap on her arm, and while keeping her eyes closed, she holds out her arms and Winter lays her clothes over her arms.

"I'll get you a towel and a change of clothes as soon as I start the laundry." Y/n says.

"K."

She hears Winter's bare feet walk across the floor towards the bathroom. When Y/n hears the door shut, she opens her eyes and sighs. She then goes to her laundry room, shoves Winter's clothes into the washing machine and strips down to put her own clothes in as well. After starting the machine, she grabs two towels and wraps herself in one. She goes to her kitchen and fills her kettle with water and puts it on the stove. Then, goes to her room and grabs some comfy clothes for Winter before knocking on the bathroom door.

"Winter, I'm coming in!"

"That's fine."

Y/n walks in the bathroom.

"I'm putting a towel and some clean clothes here on the counter. I'm also boiling some water, so you can come and make a hot drink for yourself while I shower."

"Alright."

"Is there anything else you need?"

"I'm probably fine. I'm almost done in here."

"Ok, I'll give you privacy, then."

Y/n leaves the bathroom and starts collecting clothes for her to change into once she's finished with her shower. She sits on her bed as she waits for Winter to finish up. Winter exits the bathroom and heads towards the kitchen with a towel wrapped around her shoulders and Y/n goes in the bathroom to shower.

When Y/n gets out of the bathroom, she's dressed in comfy clothes and heads towards the kitchen and living room area. She spots the back of Winter's head, tilted slightly to the side. She makes herself some tea and heads to the couch.

As she comes around the corner, she starts laughing. She spots Winter, curled up on the far end of the couch, mouth slightly a gaped, bowl of cereal in her hands resting in between her knees and chest, and one of Y/n's thin blankets wrapped around her legs. Winter breathes in deeply and sits up straight, rubbing her eyes. She starts to continue eating.

"Did you fall asleep?" Y/n asks, still laughing.

She's never had the opportunity to see Winter in such a vulnerable state.

"No... At least... Not completely..." Winter says quietly.

Y/n sets her cup down on the coffee table and takes the damp towel from around Winter's shoulders and puts it in the laundry. She comes back and relaxes on the opposite side of the couch.

"Did you want to sleep?"

"No, I'm fine."

"You sure? I don't mind if you do. We had a long day, after all."

Winter takes a few bites of her cereal before answering.

"Maybe."

She finishes up her cereal and then puts the bowl on the coffee table in front of her. She motions Y/n to move closer to her. Instead, Y/n picks up the bowl and takes it to the sink. Winter starts to untangle herself from the blanket to try and get up.

"That's not what I meant for you to do. I was going to take care of it later."

"I know, just stay there. Now you don't have to worry about it later."

Winter leans back on the couch when she sees Y/n coming back.

"Where's your phone?" Y/n asks.

Winter pulls out her phone, that had fallen in-between her and the couch cushion, and shows it to Y/n. She dramatically snatches it from Winter's grasp and Winter looks surprised as she watches her friend walk back to the kitchen.

"What are you-"

Y/n pulls out a bowl and a bag of rice. She then takes Winter's phone out of its case and places it in a bowl. She pours the rice over the phone, making sure it's completely surrounded by rice.

"And now we wait."

"Are you performing some kind of voodoo over there?"

"Um... No? Putting your phone in rice can actually get the water out and fix your phone. At least, it's supposed to do that. Doesn't always work, though."

"You don't have to do that. I can always get a new phone."

"But then you'll lose the silly messages I've sent you! I know if it was me, I'd be sad if that happened. This way, we can say we did all we could to fix your phone."

Y/n goes back over to the couch, picks up her and Winter's cup of tea, which was also on the coffee table, and brings the two cups with her as she sits next to Winter. She gives Winter her cup and Winter moved the blanket so it's covering Y/n as well.

"You don't have to do things for me. I'm capable of doing them myself." Winter says, a little irritated.

"Oh, don't be like that. You always help me out, so I wanna help you, too. Besides, if I didn't try to help fix your phone, I'd feel somewhat responsible that it broke."

Winter purses her lips together and then takes a sip of her tea.

"Thanks." She says quietly.

Y/n smiles wide. Winter then picks up the TV remote next to her and tosses it into Y/n's lap.

"Why don't you turn on that show you like?"

Y/n thinks for a bit.

"The baking one?"

"Yeah."

"Well, why don't we watch what you want to watch?"

"Cause I don't care. Just turn it on."

"Ok, ok." Y/n chuckles.

She turns on the TV and starts playing The Great British Bake Off.

"These people are so stupid."

Y/n laughs at Winter's comment.

"That's why I like it."

"Oh, that's right, they're your people."

Y/n looks at Winter confused.

"But I'm American?"

"No, it's cause you're not the smartest person."

"Wha-! You are so mean to me, and for what?"

"Are you saying you're smarter than these people?"

"Obviously."

Winter looks at Y/n questioningly and sips from her mug.

"You think these people are smart enough to stick a wet phone in rice to fix it?"

Winter starts laughing as she sips from her mug and almost chokes on her tea.

"Please, do not die on me, I would literally cry."

"You don't want a crime scene here?"

"No! I do not!"

Winter giggles and buries her forehead into Y/n's shoulder.

"What in the world is wrong with you?" Y/n laughs.

"I don't know. I never stay awake when I'm this tired!"

"Then sleep! I literally do not mind!"

"No."

Winter starts giggling again.

"Oh my gosh."

Y/n shakes her head.

"Uhg! Why am I like this!?" Winter leans her head back and whines.

"I like this side of you. It's fun watching you act in a way you usually don't."

Winter buries her face into Y/n's lap and groans. Y/n giggles and runs her fingers through Winter's hair.

"That's nice."

"You like it when I run my fingers through your hair?"

"Mmh."

Winter reaches over and puts her cup on the coffee table and then points at it.

"Stay."

Winter then rolls over and points up at Y/n as she giggles.

"Ok, I'll make sure the cup stays." Y/n says as if she's talking to a child.

Winter's arm falls onto Y/n's lap, next to her head and then positions her legs so they're hanging over the side of the couch. Y/n fixes the blanket so it covers Winter and continues playing with her hair.

Winter stares into Y/n's face curiously.

"It's a shame that you don't know how pretty you are..."

Y/n immediately stops playing with Winter's hair and feels her cheeks heat up. She watches as Winter starts to relax down and her eyes fight to stay open. Y/n recomposes herself and turns off the TV, then continues to play with Winter's hair to help her fall asleep. Her breathing slows and her finger wraps around the hem of Y/n's shirt. She smiles and watches Winter for a while, before she starts falling asleep herself. One hand entangled in Winter's hair, other hand resting on the cup at her side. She couldn't have asked for a better day.

Later, Winter wakes up and crouches on the bathroom floor, cursing herself for acting the way she did before she fell asleep. She decided to pretend as if she never acted all 'cute' like that and swears to force herself to never act that way again for as long as she lives. She'll never speak a word of that moment to anyone and hopes Y/n will forget all about it. Although, Y/n will probably only want to talk about that one moment as soon as she wakes up....

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

hi! if you've seen this post on another blog, i apologize. i promise it is not spam, i am just trying to find as much information about this as i can with limited resources (and i, quite honestly, do not feel like typing out this behemoth of a paragraph in new ways 50 different times /lh /nm). i'm looking for some advice regarding a relationship issue occurring with my and my partner, and even if you don't have any advice, just reading over it is greatly appreciated. :) so me and my boyfriend are both neurodivergent (i have autism & adhd, he just has adhd) and we both have different hyperfixations right now. i am someone who struggles to communicate when it comes to things i am not fixating on at the moment, that aren't special interests, or that i don't know much about, and currently we don't have the same hyperfixation right now. i'm also experiencing burnout and taking in new information is probably not a good idea right now, including much about their fixation.

mine is one that means a lot to me, and i actually associate a lot with them and happy times with them, but they are starting to associate it with bad times, and while they enjoy it, they don't fixate on it very much, and haven't for a while. they'll make sure that i know that while they aren't as into it anymore, they still love to hear me talk about it. my brain tends to hear that and see it as "i don't like it any more, and i never will again, and i really don't care to talk about it".

on the other end, my boyfriend is fine with enjoying their fixation on their own, but constantly feels as though if they talk about it, they're doing something wrong, and that there will always be a language barrier in between us due to it. they are down and determined to want to just "suck it up" and just throw out their interests all together and just try to make themselves enjoy mine again, but i asked them not to for their own mental health.

we both have trauma regarding people not taking our interests seriously, or not being able to share them in a healthy way, so we're struggling a lot with trying to find ways to communicate and talk with them in a healthy way. we both have the wish that we could just fixate on the same thing at the same time, like we did before with mine, and be happier that way and have less issues, but i'm not sure if that's going to happen for a while now.

i tried looking into resources about this, but as you could probably expect, there are none. so, i'm trying to go around tumblr and ask for advice from fellow neurodivergent people and see if they can help. neither of us want to hurt each other and are aiming to make it equally fair for both of us, but its just extremely hard for us to know how to do that without help. i would reach out to a therapist, or a counselor, and a. i am in the process of getting a temporary counselor, and b. because of my current home situation, therapy isn't a very feasible option at this moment.

i appreciate you taking the time to read this, and i apologize for the garishly long message. i know this probably sounds childish but its a lot of the only things we have right now due to my home situation, so we're trying to find ways to help it as best as we can.

i hope you have a great day, and both me and my boyfriend greatly appreciate you taking the time to read this.

Hi there,

This situation is very complicated for me to give some advice. I’ll post this anyway in case anyone has any advice.

I’m very sorry I can’t help. But I’m hoping someone can share some advice.

Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

[pain-in-the-butler]

Do you have any tips for people who want to write more but are really self-conscious about their work?

Hello, anon! I'm sorry it took me so long to answer this - I do very much appreciate being turned to for writing advice. All the same, I wonder just how helpful I can be... I'll do my best to support you!

By the wording in your ask, I'm not entirely sure if you are concerned about how other people would respond to your writing, OR if you feel that your ideas aren't even good enough for yourself. Either way, I'm sorry you've got a bad mental block in the way. I too am my own worst critic; I understand what it's like to have to deal with yourself every time you simply want to write.

I wouldn't call the way that I deal with such blocks conducive to writing, unfortunately: really I just let my passion and drive build and build until I get to the point that I absolutely need to write, no matter what it ends up sounding like. Some things that help me get back into a writing mindset more quickly are:

Digesting media that I think is really, really good, whether it's stuff I've read/watched before or stuff I haven't

Talking to other creative people and hearing their passion for what they're making (or, better yet, helping them with their projects)

Listening to my playlists based on the emotions in the scenes I want to write

Rereading my own writing and thinking about how I've grown and how I'm proud of myself

When I do things like this often enough, I can usually get so caught up in the process of creation that I can't stand it anymore and I need to make something new.

You aren't alone in your feelings. A lot of us creative types feel exceptionally connected to what we create; we see it as an extension of who we are, and that can mean wanting what we make to be our reflection, yet also wanting that reflection to be one the world accepts. The best thing we can do in that case is just write what we love, just as we can only be ourselves, and gravitate towards the people who understand.

I personally also struggle to have a professional mindset around writing at all - when I try to write on a schedule, it all goes to shit. So maybe you aren't so different, anon. Maybe, especially in the beginning, what you need to do is try and be very curious and patient with your writing and treat every idea as if it's something beautiful. Though I will say that just forcing yourself to write a single sentence can sometimes do wonders for unlocking your brain. Just the same with coming back to a passage you've written after a good night's sleep - I have gone from loathing to loving my own work after I give myself a bit of separation from it.

This advice isn't very formal, but I do hope that a bit of empathy can aid you as well. I wish you only the best in your endeavors, fellow writer!

[writing-prompt-s]

Hey there! First time anon asker, long time follower. I appreciate all the work you do for this blog. Just want to keep the conversation going about the Edison quote you retweeted, on "giving up" versus "knowing when to stop." Though Edison sucks as some comments pointed out, I happen to agree with the quote to an extent. I'm curious to know more about your experience. First, some background for my opinion: I work as a student tutor for fellow college students. One of the biggest things we learn as tutors is how to encourage students NOT to give up when they face a challenge. Lots of people, especially first-gen college students, give up when they're struggling in class because they assume they're "not smart enough" or something along those lines, when research and my personal experience show that that's not true. They are able to change their school habits and seek out help, but only if they already have a mindset where they believe they can do it. Those who don't believe in themselves are less likely to seek help and thus, more likely to fail. Students might also drop out of college or get bad grades because of things outside of their control, like losing their job or other difficulties that make it hard for them to continue at college. This is also an issue because some (not all) colleges have programs to help students during difficult times, but many students don't even try, they just drop out. I have benefitted from some of these programs personally, so even though they can't cure everything, these programs should be considered when a student is struggling. And sometimes, dropping out of college IS the best decision for a person, whether they intend to return later or go a different path. It's just that for many students, they don't have to give up on their education/career goals because of the hardships they're currently trying to work through, but they believe that there's nothing else they can do. The solution may be out there, but they "give up" because they didn't look for it. As a tutor, that's why phrases like "don't give up!" are so important for the people I work with. Not because college is for everyone or that people should sacrifice their well-being for a degree, but because students (again especially first generation college students, students of color, and low income students) have such low confidence in themselves and their ability to learn and grow through obstacles. The Edison quote wasn't about college, but I'm using my experience as a college student and tutor as a more concrete example of why the Edison quote could be useful. College student or not, I think having a "don't give up" attitude can get you through some hard times. So all of this is to preface my question: in your opinion, how can we know the difference between a healthy, "I will do everything I can to meet my goals" situation and an unhealthy, "I will sacrifice everything" situation? Sorry for this lengthy ask btw, if you don't want to respond I completely understand. Just hoping to hear your insight to the topic more. Thanks for this blog and for sharing your thoughts! -S

Hey S!

Read “The Dip” by Seth Godin. It counts about 80 pages but reads like 30. I highly recommend reading it and using the ideas in guiding your students. When you read it, it’s mostly common sense with a bit of oh damn, nice! But sometimes common sense needs to be conceptualized, made concrete, or put into context, and this little book does just that.

The main idea is to know if you should quit or persevere during ‘a dip’ by forecasting the probability of success and take costs/rewards into account.

However, this might not be everyone’s best skill, so some people might need practice or guidance. As Ray Dalio points out in his book ‘Principles’, everyone is wired differently. Just as our bodies come in different shapes and sizes, so do the compositions of our brains. Some people might have weak bones or naturally have lots of muscle mass. Others might regulate emotions well, or are weak at visualizing the future. (By the way, neuroscience tells us we can shape and improve our brains!)

The different compositions of our brains also affects communication between people. Everyone encodes and decodes information differently, and then also gets filtered through one’s own life experiences. So advice such as ‘first seek to understand, then to be understood’ is paramount before encouraging people to ‘not give up.’ If the other person doesn’t feel that you completely understand their situation, saying that actually might work counter-productive!

In my opinion, in most cases 'don’t give up!’ is a good motto for college students. You know what to expect from college. If you do x you will get x. If you stick through the dip (time spend getting good grades), you will get the reward (degree). However, as you point out, some students might face additional stress outside of college, or society might already have put them at a disadvantage. It might just become too much. You helping and encouraging students who are at a disadvantage is incredibly helpful. As humans, we are naturally wired to be interdependent. We cannot do everything by ourselves, nor should we want to. We thrive on meaningful relationships and social connections.

So where is the line between healthy and unhealthy? That’s actually a very tough question. Most people tend to think of life as a journey, always trying to get somewhere, trying to achieve something. It would mean telling people how to live their life and I have no clue. Of course, if in trying to get to your goal your body shows signs of it being unhealthy, stop or take a break. Stress is good, but not to the point where you break down. Self-management is key. Overall I would say it’s healthy if your values align with the process to achieve the goal, the goal, and the consequences of achieving it. But then again, always be realistic. Quitting frees up time, energy and other resources that can be spend on achieving a different, perhaps more rewarding/meaningful/attainable goal.

An attempt at a more concrete answer would be:

It’s impossible to generalize what is healthy and what is unhealthy as everyone has a different idea of what that is and is living their own complex life. Therefore, on a case-by-case basis, people should be taught to take a step back sometimes, contemplate what they are doing, analyse it, be open-minded, seek help from (qualified) people and ask for feedback and advice, and then make up their minds themselves whether what they are doing is healthy or not.

As @zeadtalost said in the comments: “Man’s gotta know his limitations”. But then I would like to add to it that ‘man’ should not be fool enough never to test what they believe to be their limitations. Because what you say is true. Often limitations are in the mind, and overcoming them is what will make people more confident and capable! So please keep doing what you are doing. I doubt you find this a concrete answer, but I am pretty sure the book by Seth Godin will help you lots! Also, by the length of your ask I can tell you are very dedicated and a compassionate tutor, and it’s your caring attitude that will give your students the best chance of succeeding!

[psychewritesbs]

I really love reading your meta even though a lot of the times you feel like they're just mental gymnastics lol but they're interesting, especially megumi because I love him dearly too. Sometimes I feel as though there's plenty to theorize or discuss about his character, but often times I feel that recently it's hard to find takes or posts about megumi without it relating to shipping or the like which really isn't a problem but it makes me appreciate people such as yourself who can balance it out with your "mental gymnastics" you're really great!! even when I haven't read certain series you gush about, I find your thoughts really interesting and i might even fall into the clamp hole as well lol

ugh, sorry if I wrote too much 😭

Dear fellow human who also vomits many words,

Gracias.

Listen... Megumi lovers unite! He's just so amazing. I feel like you, there’s sooooo much to brain rot about his character.

But, I’ll be honest, the lack of ship material on my blog about Megumi is mostly because my mind is busy with CLAMP OTP ships like kurofai and seisub. Although I have other OTPs outside of CLAMP like soma and hakyona. 

It’s the biggest irony of my life that a couple of my most popular posts are about me over-thinking body language and what it says about the ship in question. I’m looking at you soma and kurofai! 

But outside of that its probably because I didn’t get into itafushi. I also love Megumi as an individual character outside of a ship, and so I am also happy to just brain rot about him and nitpick at his character instead of nitpicking about shippy moments. The same can be said about a couple of my other blorbo faves.

Anyways, I am happy I can be your source of non-shippy posts about Megumi bahaha. 

Also, I love writing, but it can also be a lonely process. So I am always grateful when I hear from others about them enjoying my "mental gymnastics".

It's still kind of fascinating to me that people read my rambles.

So thank you, once again.

I call them mental gymnastics because my brain likes to overthink, and reaching the conclusions I reach can feel like a stretch of the imagination sometimes, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

It just means we have to have mental flexibility ;)

Gracias, yet again! Hope to hear any Megumi brainrot you have in mind from you if you care to share. 

p.s. if you do fall into the CLAMP hole I hope to hear from you about that too bahaha.

[nev3rfound]

someone i once knew : b.b - p.3

tony has questions, but he isn’t the only one wanting an explanation (2.6k)

(anything in bold/italics are flashbacks/memories!)

masterlist / permanent taglist

(everything on my blog is my own writing. if it is shared on another page or website without being credited, it has not been approved to be shared by me. all rights reserved.)

PART ONE . PART TWO . PART THREE . PART FOUR . PART FIVE . PART SIX

(also thank you for the insane amount of support for this series! you guys have taken me by such surprise and i am so grateful you’re all invested :) ) 

Tony steps into your suite, trying to subtly notice the changes you’ve made whilst he was gone.

“Look, Tony, if this is about the files I’m really sorry,” You sigh apologetically, catching Tony’s attention as he turns to face you. “sometimes my R’s end up looking like N’s and I didn’t mean for it to look like I’d written Tony Stan-”

Holding his hand up, you stop your rambles as Tony raises a brow. “Y/n, that’s not why I’m here.” Tony interrupts you. “Wait, it said that?” He questions and you weakly nod, but quickly he returns to his original thought process; why he is here in the first place.

“Then, why are you here?” You ask nervously, feeling a pit begin to form in your stomach.

“Nat passed on a message, that you didn’t seem very well.” Tony explains, now pacing around the entrance of your suite whilst you remained still, too still for his liking. “And I overheard a conversation from two super soldiers discussing you.” Tony motions to you, catching sight of your eyes widening.

“I, why would they talk about me?” You question in disbelief, hearing multiple voices run through your mind, some yelling over Tony as he continues to talk to you, but you can only see his lips moving.

“-and that you know them somehow, funny really.” Tony huffs to himself as he walks in the direction of the small kitchen you have, noticing a glass half-filled with a single flower, dried out, dead. “Don’t you think, Y/n?”

The prolonged silence from you catches Tony out as he glances over his shoulder, seeing you stood calmly, tears streaming down your face.

“Y/n?” Tony calls out, carefully nearing you as he waves his hand in front of your eyes, but there’s no response. “FRIDAY? Get Banner for me.”

With a deep exhale, you collapse down to the ground. “I, I, I’m sorry,” You breathe out, coughing loudly on a sob that chokes your throat.

Kneeling down in front of you, Tony eyes your movements carefully. “What’s going on with you, Y/n?” He thinks aloud as you manage to sit upright, clutching your legs to your chest as a look of horror solidifies across your expression.

Bruce opens the door to your suite, looking alert as he notices both you and Tony on the ground.

“Everything okay, Tony?” Bruce asks hesitantly, seeing a level of concern cross Tony’s frown.

“Just, sit still, okay.” Tony instructs you, but you’re barely responsive as Tony walks away, taking Bruce outside of your suite as the door remains slightly ajar.

Rubbing his temples, Tony sighs. “What’s going on with her? Bad day or something?” Bruce jokes, but Tony shakes his head.

“I think she might be a plant.” The tone leaving his voice is enough to remove any humour from Bruce as he straightens up. “Somehow, Steve and Bucky know her, or at least knew her.” Tony explains. “But she seems oblivious, and I’m just wondering if she’s just like Barnes, waiting to be activated.”

Bruce hums in response. “What’re we supposed to do with her then if she’s potentially some killing machine?” The words feel sour leaving his lips, but Bruce has read the files on HYDRA.

Over Tony’s shoulder, Bruce watches as a small hand reaches out to the door and pulls it open.

Tony can’t help but tense as you stand against the door frame, a weak smile forming on your lips despite the dried tears lining your cheeks.

“I don’t know what’s going on with me, Tony.” You sadly admit. “Do, do you think you can help me, please?”

“Come with us, Y/n.” Bruce forces a grin as he walks toward the elevator, Tony hanging back as you slowly walk out and stand beside Tony.

“Can you help make it stop, Tony?” You plead to your employer who seems conflicted.

“We’ll do what we can.” Tony coldly states, walking behind you to the elevator, ensuring you stand between him and Bruce, just in case anything happens.

*

Your footsteps can be heard throughout the base as you follow behind the woman in charge. Heads turned as she walks with confidence, no one taking notice of who you are in her presence.

Pushing the door open to her office, you follow in and hover by the chair. “Please, Y/n,” Peggy motions to the chair as she closes the door, lowering the blinds too to ensure privacy.

“Thank you for meeting me, Ms Carter.” You speak politely, trying to keep a facade up that everything will be alright, but if there’s anyone who can see right through it, it’s Peggy Carter.

Rifling through the files on her desk, Peggy opens up a series of them as the papers cover the space in front of her. “Oh Y/n, call me Peggy.” Her red lips rise to a sincere smile, hoping you’d ease the tension you’re holding. “Well, the good news is I’ve had the report in from the Doctor, and you’re fit and healthy all around.”

You can’t stop the giggle of excitement escape you. “Sorry,” You mutter, but Peggy doesn’t seem to mind in the slightest; it’s the most positive you’ve sounded in the past two years you’ve known her.

“No need to be, there are still a few more tests we have to run on both you and the machinery. However, if all still stands, we should be able to do our first test run within the year.” Peggy explains, catching sight of the frown on your lips deepening. “I know this isn’t the news you hoped for today, but trust me, this is progress.”

Peggy reaches out, placing her hand on the desk. Slowly, you extend your arm, allowing her to take your hand in hers.

“We both lost, Y/n. But we can move forward.” She assures you once more, hoping someday you’ll believe it yourself.

“It happened again,” You explain, looking up directly to the clock, noticing five minutes have passed since you focused on it. “it keeps happening, more frequently than before and I can’t control it.” Panic rises in your voice as you perch on the lab bench, studying Tony and Bruce's reactions as they monitor you closely.

“So these, ‘memories’ aren’t your own?” Tony asks uncertainly.

Rubbing your eyes as they continue to pound, you shrug your shoulders. “I don’t know, they’re in my head, and I can remember aspects of them, certain noises, settings and sometimes people. I, I was with a Carter,” You squint, trying to remember her name, but you sigh heavily. “I can’t remember, sorry.”

“Carter?” Tony repeats, and you nod. “Interesting.” He mumbles as he helps Bruce hook you up to the systems, hoping to catch your next ‘memory’ and see your brain activity whilst monitoring your heart. “I, I’ve gotta make a call.” Tony excuses himself, nodding to Bruce before exiting the lab.

“If you can just lie down, Y/n.” Bruce asks you gently, seeing the fear in your eyes as you lie back. “I’m just going to place these on your head and chest.”

Closing your eyes, you try your best to relax whilst images of a brunette with red lipstick form in your mind. You can hear her faintly saying two names, but your ability to focus is gone once again.

Across the compound, Bucky is barely able to focus as he slams his fists against the torn punching bag whilst Steve stands on the other side, keeping it in place after Bucky nearly threw Sam across the room.

“Are you sure she’s okay?” Bucky shifts his attention across the gym to Natasha and Wanda’s conversation.

Natasha shrugs her shoulders as she stretches out. “I don’t know, she went dead behind the eyes and as I left her, Tony was heading her way.” Natasha explains, and Bucky looks over to Steve.

“Buck, I’m sure it’s fine.” Steve tries to help, but Bucky shakes his head.

“I can feel it, Steve,” Bucky mutters. “somethings wrong, I, I can’t just leave it.” He explains, swiftly walking off out of the gym as eyes turn to Steve holding the rocking bag.

Scoffing under his breath, Steve pushes the bag away from him. “Bad day.” Steve comments before running after Bucky before he can do any potential damage.

Sitting with his fellow soldiers, Bucky tries to disguise his rising fears, but his foot continues to tap against the ground. “You got a dame back home, Barnes?” One of the soldiers, Johnson asks and light laughter echoes through the cells as they all wait for some movement to be heard.

Lifting his head up, Bucky focuses on each of those he can see from his regiment, those who are left at least. No one is sure who captured them, but Bucky knows they aren't likely to get out of this scot free, or alive for that matter.

“I do,” Bucky admits quietly. “and she’s the most wonderful gal I’ve ever laid eyes upon.”

“That’s sweet,” Johnson comments, sitting opposite Bucky as he wipes his bloodied nose with his palm. “just, just keep thinkin’ about her, alright? That sorta thought helps.” He nods to Bucky before resting his head back against the metal bars.

“Yeah,” Bucky whispers as footsteps can be heard, heading directly towards his cell. “if I don’t make it out, can you tell her I,”

Before Bucky can finish his sentence, two large men unlock his cell and grab him. He manages to catch a glimpse at the red band on their arms, noticing a different symbol than the Nazi one branded in his mind.

“Please, just tell her!” Bucky yells as he’s dragged out of sight, unaware of the horrors he’s about to face.

Focusing on Bruce, you tense as the stickers are placed on your forehead. “Sorry, did that hurt?” Bruce asks timidly, but you shake your head.

“Just kinda cold,” You nervously remark as the rest are slowly placed. “where did Tony go?”

Bruce looks past you at the glass walls, seeing Tony walk out of sight with his phone against his ear. “He, er, had to make a quick phone call. I’m sure he’ll be back shortly.” Bruce reasons as he attaches the last sticker to your chest before averting his attention to the computer systems.

Closing your eyes, you listen to the methodical tapping of keys and the sudden sound of your heart rate beside you flashing up on a monitor.

“Okay, all systems in place. Now it’s down to you to induce a ‘memory.’“ Bruce forces an anxious laugh as you simply look at him before tilting your head back to focus on the blank ceiling, a shame they couldn't cover it in stickers like the dentist used to, you think.

“Do you think I’m evil?” You ask, not daring to move your vision from the ceiling, unaware of Bruce stepping back.

“No.” He responds quickly. “I think you’ve been manipulated with, but I don’t think you’re evil.” Bruce justifies, checking the brain activity to see any spikes, but it remains standard.

“You’re acting like I’m made of glass.” You comment, now moving your head to see Bruce rubbing his hands together as he watches the monitors. “But I’m not, I, I know my parents, my childhood home and school." Your voice begins to waver, but you carry on regardless.  "I can tell you the classes I took in college, my first boyfriend and my first time drinking.” You ramble, but Bruce is trying to ignore you. “Please, I, I know who I am.” You whimper, slamming your head back as you stare at the bare white walls above you.

Outside, Tony listens as the line ends up with him left answering a voicemail for the third time.

“Fury, it’s Stark, listen, I need to speak with you urgently. There’s something going on with my new assistant, Y/n Y/l/n. She, she knows Peggy Carter and, just call me back, ASAP.” Huffing, Tony leans against the wall, wondering how he got himself into this mess.

Yet, his moment of contemplation is short-lived as yells from Steve can be heard up ahead.

“Buck, just stop!” Steve shouts as Bucky comes into view, eyes dark and fists clenched as he marches down the corridor.

“Woah, woah, where do you think you’re going?” Tony asks, standing in front of Bucky as Steve catches up in time before Bucky raises his fists.

Holding Bucky back, Steve grunts as Bucky fights against his hold.

“Where is she?” Bucky can feel the anger rising through his veins as Tony buries his hands in his pockets, remaining perfectly calm.

“Where’s who?” Tony asks, looking up to Steve who shakes his head, still struggling to hold Bucky back.

“Come on, Tony. We know you have Y/n down here,” Steve sighs, a brief moment of weakness that Bucky detects as he slams his elbow into Steve’s stomach, causing him to recoil and release Bucky.

Without a moment to lose, Bucky rushes forward to the lab and before he’s stunned by Tony, he catches sight of you on a metal slab, hooked up to machinery with tears streaming down your face.

“No, Y/n!” Bucky screams, pausing by the glass wall, his metal hand resting against it as you begin to turn your head, a second too late as Tony fires a stun at him, forcing Bucky to the ground.

Your breathing increases, causing your heart rate to spike and Bruce rushes over. “Hey, Y/n, it’s fine. Tony has just er, stunned him.” Bruce explains, but your eyes widen.

“Bruce, I, I need to see him, please, let me see Bucky.” You practically beg, trying to pull the wires from yourself but Bruce manages to hold you down before you notice a needle piercing your arm.

With heavy eyes, your focus on Bruce begins to fade. “I’m sorry, Y/n. We’ve gotta keep you here.” His voice sounds too far away as your vision darkens, the last of the ceiling disappearing as your eyes close.

Bucky grunts as he remains on the ground, but turns his head to see Tony stood with his hand covered by his Iron Man tech, a glow of pale blue emitting from his palm, yet to be fired.

“You alright, Buck?” Steve calls out from beside Tony.

Not responding verbally, Bucky nods as he uneasily stands, holding his hands up and remains on the spot where he fell, out of sight from you.

“Tony, lower your hand.” Steve scoffs, and Tony hesitantly obliges, powering his charge down. “I told you not to come here, Bucky,” Steve comments like a disappointed parent, but Bucky’s jaw clenches as he looks at the floor beneath him, the scuff marks from where he fell moments prior.

“Are one of you planning on telling me what the hell is going on here? Because I’ve got a delusional assistant having a brain scan in there who might be a potential HYDRA plant and I want answers.” Tony steps forward, looking between the two super soldiers. “No, you don’t wanna tell me?” Tony raises his arms in defeat and begins to walk away, back to the lab.

“Bucky,” Steve mutters to his friend who eases his jaw and finally looks up.

“Y/n Y/l/n,” Bucky speaks up, and Tony spins on his heels, facing Bucky. “she was my fiance.”

Tony stares at Bucky in disbelief before whistling loudly. "Well, I didn't expect that."

P A R T  F O U R 

(thank you to the following for all the love in the first two parts! if you’d like to be tagged in this mini series do let me know) (tagging those who wished to be tagged from p2!) 

@mellmellmell12@theofficialzivadavid @fandom-princess-forevermore @lokilovefoever @vivalakatee @chgevorgian @captainwinterwriter @carliewinchester @spn-obession @buckysquad @shower-me-with-roses @basicgukk @yasminwashere @sunfouler  @feminist-fan-girl @stealapizzamyheart​

[midnightsconspiracy]

The Missing Piece

The Missing Piece - @midnightsconspiracy

Summary: Hank being jealous of your and Jay’s platonic relationship leads to a relationship of his own

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1801

Requested: Yes!!

‘I need some jealous hank pleeease 😩💖🙏🏻’

A/N: This is my least favourite thing I’ve written so far, I just feel like it doesn’t flow well but we move :)

I only have one request at the moment so send in as many as you like, trust me when I say this you are not ‘bothering’ or inconveniencing me at all, I love when people message me or send requests in. So don’t overthink it, just do it!!! :)

Masterlist

Your life always felt incomplete, like something was missing, but you could never put your finger on what the thing was. You had a modest apartment, a positive relationship with your family and a job with co-workers you absolutely adored. So what left did you have yet to find? Every having romantic relationships in the past left you feeling that way still, a void that could only be filled by a specific something, without knowing what it was. It was infuriating, finally feeling happy with your life but still, there was a piece of you missing, a bit that felt empty. But maybe you would find that something was nearer than you thought, and maybe that something was a someone.

The day started off as normal, getting up, making breakfast then heading out to start the day at your job in intelligence. Pulling into the car park you noticed Jay beside you, sitting In his car, reading something on his phone. Looking up as you got out of your car, he smiled, proceeding to also get out of his vehicle, greeting you just like he did each day. You walked into the district together and to the upstairs intelligence unit, talking about some recent gossip while having the same playful conversation, laughing with huge smiles on your faces. Once you had reached the unit’s floor, you both headed to the coffee machine, needing your caffeine fix before you started. Noticing that others already seemed to be deep in work, you closed the door behind you, hoping to keep as much noise in as possible. Drinking your coffee, you continued talking to Jay, putting off work for as long as possible and wanting to know anything new that could get from the man. Any time you conversed with him, it always had an unconsciously flirty undertone, not because you liked him that way, but because it was in both of your natures, not being able to turn it off specifically for each other. After a while, you still hadn't noticed that the coffee had been drunk already, the time having flown by, neither of you realising you should have started working ten minutes ago.

Unaware to you, Voight was in his office, working on some files from a case that had been passed down to him from people higher up, stress levels increasing with each sentence he read. The sound of yours and Jay’s conversation breached the walls, seeping into his office, making him angrier than he already was. ‘Why did you have to flirt with Jay all the time, was he not good enough for you?’ He thought to himself, the attraction he had for you clouding his mind. Clenching his jaw, he went back to reading his document, knowing when he thought about you too much it bought out his emotions, and that’s not what he needed right now. But he couldn’t help it when he heard your laugh, knowing it wasn’t caused by him, but instead Jay. That man was a damn good detective but also a bloody good flirt, and in Hank’s eyes that made him a threat. He wanted you badly, having liked you since you’d first joined the unit, although Jay was not the only thing in the way. The biggest problem was himself. He was so insecure, thinking that if he did eventually have the courage to ask you out, you would say no. It was just you were so much younger than him, and much better looking and just all these other things that made him think you were better suited to someone like Jay. However, that still didn’t stop him from getting angry when Jay was buttering you up. Suddenly, he stood up, not being able to stand hearing you and Jay in the room next door anymore. Swinging the break room door open, he stood in the doorway, a stern expression on his face. As soon as the door had open, you and Jay had turned towards the intrusion. Noticing it was just Voight, you both relaxed, thinking he was going to idly chat with two of his favourite detectives.

“Hey Sarg, there is some coffee leftover if you want some,” Jay started, not thinking anything of Hank’s expression, considering he usually had a scowl on. This set the flames alight as the detective completely overlooked the anger he held in his eyes.

“Both of you should be working by now! You’re ten minutes late to start and I don’t appreciate you spending that time In here having fun and joking when you both know damn well there is a case you could be helping to solve,” he shouted, not only startling you and Jay, but also your fellow detections who had looked up from where they were working away quietly.

“Sorry Voight, guess we didn’t realise that time had gone past so fast,” Jay tried to rationalise, not understanding why Voight was getting so aggravated for something that would usually just result in a slap on the wrist.

“Get to work, both of you. Plus you both know the rules about in house dating, so sort out whatever this is out immediately.” And before either of you could tell him otherwise, he had stomped back to his office, slamming the door shut in the process. Looking at Jay, you gave him a confused look, trying to figure out why your boss had come up with these conclusions as you returned to your desk.

Throughout the day, you noticed multiple strange things happening. Firstly, Jay refused to look at you at all, looking at the wall or ground anytime you would address the room or would look away as quickly as possible if you accidentally made eye contact. It was abnormal, to say the least, considering you at Jay were usually tied at the hip, spending a lot of time together, both inside and outside of work. It had started even before Voight had split you up and assigned everyone in the unit new partners. Maybe you had subconsciously annoyed him? That you didn’t know but you tried your best throughout the day to get him to even acknowledge you, but each time failing completely. The second strange thing was the looks you were getting from both Hank and Alvin as well as the looks they were giving each other. Anytime you would look up from your work, you would spot one of them staring intently at you, then quickly retreating to look at each other. The ones from Olinsky seemed to be those of intrigue as if they were trying to gauge your reaction. But the ones from Voight seemed different. How it was different you couldn’t really pinpoint, but it seemed to be more out of fondness and concern, but you couldn’t really be sure, barely seeing it before he looked away. God, what was it with all these men today? One not wanting to look at you at all, the others wanting to look at you all the time it seemed. Eventually, you and your new partner Olinsky were sent out to talk to some woman. Wanting to know if she was aware of the illegal activity her boyfriend was running. After receiving some useful information, you both got back in the car, settling in for the short car ride ahead. A couple of minutes into the drive you turned to him, adamant about getting answers on why these men had been unnecessarily watching you all day.

“Why do you and Voight keep looking at me?” You ask abruptly, wanting to catch him off guard so he would answer your damn question.

“You should speak to Voight in his office after shift.” He replied, the car falling back into silence for the rest of the journey.

The statement played on your mind for the rest of the day, but finally, you would get some answers as the shift came to a close. Waiting for everyone else to leave, you wrote your statement longhand, knowing it would eat more time up. As the last person left the room, you got up, walking into your boss' office, closing the door behind you. He looked at you as you entered, holding an undistinguishable expression on his face, despite the nervous disposition he held inside.

"Detective Y/LN, what can I do for you," he asked, looking down at his papers as if he didn't care, although his brain was screaming at him to do something!

"You keep looking at me." You bluntly stated, wanting to pull him out of his comfort zone and get the answers Olinsky wouldn't give you.

"You are my agent arent you? Therefore I am entitled to look at you." Gazing up at you, he stared into your pretty eyes, resisting the urge to just get up and kiss you.

"B-but, this is different. You keep glancing at me as if you have some sort of adoration for me," thinking he was going to look up and find a disgusted expression, he was surprised as he found nothing but a small smile upon your face.

"Maybe I do, but that doesn't matter though does it? Considering you are seeing Detective Halstead." Confusion, once again fell on your features, still not understanding why he thought this madness, you are Jay were merely just friends.

"Me and Jay? We're just- Wait what did you say? Y-you, feel for me?" The confused look on your face deepened, never thinking this would happen. You weren't unhappy by any means, thinking very fondly of the handsome Sergeant, but he was your boss so why would he go for someone like you when he could have Burgess or even Platt! Rounding his desk, he walked towards you, stopping at a comfortable distance, not too far, not too close.

"Do you deem that as a bad thing?" Stumbling on your words, you managed to mutter a 'no', as you looked back into his eyes, finding a warmness there that started filling that void inside you. Not thinking, you flung your arms around his neck, hugging him tightly, placing your head in the crook of his neck as you inhaled his scent. Maybe he was that missing piece?

"Jay and I are just friends and will always just be friends Hank," you told him, removing an arm from his neck to softly stroke his cheek. He gradually tightened his arms around your waist as you reassured him of the matter.

"So you would mind me doing this?" He asked, leaning down to capture your lips in a searing kiss, full of passion, portraying all the things he'd ever want to say to you.

Just as his wish had come true, yours had too, as that missing piece of you started to make its way back to you.

[childishfluff]

The Feeling Of Family- A MCYT Agere/CGLRE fic (Regressors!SBI+Tubbo and Ranboo, Carer!Philza)

There was a very specific feeling that came to Ranboo when he met up with his internet friends. A weirdly comforting feeling, a reassurance that he had finally found his people.

It came to him with every hug from Tubbo, every teasing ruffle of his hair from Techno, every inappropriate joke he shared with Tommy. It clouded his mind every time he regressed with them, too, he didn't quite know how to describe it. But if he had to put a name to this odd emotion, he'd call it 'the feeling of family'.

A/N: get ready for a looooong ride. This was written over the course of two days, I really hope you guys like it! I haven't dropped a fic thats over 4000 words in a bit, I think. This is inspired loosely by Cypherr's (on ao3!!) fic 'four's a family', that's where I got the idea of Phil just being overwhelmed because there's so many babies to deal w/, so I'm crediting them! Though, this fic is much different then their's, but also please go read their fics they're great- anyways, I hope you enjoy! This fic is kinda (?) in Ranboo's pov (third person but like,,,you see his thoughts), but there's so much going on that it kinda feels like it's jumping around? Sorry for that, I'm used to writing w/a 2 littles max per caregiver ratio, so this was different. I've also never written Phil as a caregiver before besides his brief appearance over in my 'Mister Nook' series. okay I'm done rambling,,,enjoy the fic please!

--

There was a very specific feeling that came to him when he met up with his friends. A weirdly comforting feeling, a reassurance that he had finally found his people.

In an internet dad, a fellow faceless streamer who used a pig as his icon, a song writer, a bee-loving teenager, and another who was known for wearing red and white. He felt just a bit out of place in this dynamic, SBI were the ones that were close. SBI plus Tubbo wasn't an odd pairing either, and it almost seemed as if Ranboo was only there because Tubbo was.

But that doubt seemed to wash away with the welcoming energy that the car ride to Phil and Kristin's home was filled to the very brim with. Tommy and Wilbur arguing like brothers while Ranboo and Tubbo joked about. The half-joking stern look that Phil gave him through the rear view mirror when he made an inappropriate joke. The soft feeling that Techno teasingly ruffling his hair left in his chest.

This group felt like family.

Of course, he had a perfectly good set of parents back home, but this was different. In a good way, though. This home wasn't his, it was Phil's, but he was surprisingly comfortable here. He was comfortable with his close friends.

"Breakfast is ready!"

He jolted awake with a slight shock when he heard knocking and shouting outside of the door of the room he was staying in, the noise startling him from his sleep. He rubbed at his eyes and stretched his arms above his head as the sleepiness started fading from his mind, clocking the voice as Tommy's as he processed his surroundings. It was his second day at the Philza Minecraft's, the first being made up of mostly content creation.

They had all been shown to their respective guest rooms late last night after quite a few movies and a half-asleep conversation full of laughing and heartfelt emotions. Today was supposed to be a chill day, and the next they'd be exploring the area just around Phil and Kristen's home. It was Ranboo's second time in the UK, and just like last time, he wanted to explore and get a feel for the place he'd be temporarily living in.

He fished some clothes out of his suitcase, pulling them on and discarding his pajamas in a white laundry hamper he had been given for that exact purpose. Then, he sat on the bed, pulling out his phone and scrolling through it. He chuckled as he saw a picture of their entire group with a fan they had run into the day prior, just after he was picked up from the airport, remembering how many similar ones had been taken during his last meet up.

He thought back to the months he spent at Tubbo's house just a while ago, it was one of the funnest parts of his life if he was honest, and now he was right back in the UK for another long meet up. This one was supposed to be a month, at least. SBI and the Bee Duo all under one roof for an entire month! Twitter had freaked out completely when they heard of this arrangement.

During his last trip to the UK, he found out something interesting after revealing something about himself to Tubbo. He admitted to his habit of age regressing to his friend during a late night conversation, only to be met with a 'me too' and then being asked if he wanted to call some friends. This response had confused him, but he said agreed, figuring that there had to be some logic to this.

And after an hour long conversation with Techno, Tommy, Wilbur, and Phil, he learned about an ongoing secret dynamic between the group. Tommy, Tubbo, Phil, and Wilbur were all also regressors. This was a lot of information to process at around 6 am during an all-nighter, but he was glad to know he wasn't alone.

Almost immediately after finding out about his headspace, Phil insisted on taking care of him, messaging him more often and helping him regress over video calls. And over the process of a few weeks, Ranboo had been officially added to the group of littles Phil cared for regularly.

The man took the time to learn his headspace range, things that upset him, how to deal with him when he did misbehave (though the occasion was rare, especially compared to someone like Little Tommy), all in the name of making sure he was cared for. It was sweet, really, and sometimes the boy felt bad for all the man did for him.

He pushed these thoughts away as he heard his name called by his father figure from the kitchen. He groaned, exiting off of Twitter and making his way out of the room and down the hallway, through the living room and into the kitchen. "I'm coming, I'm coming," he mumbled, still tired. He took his seat between Tommy and Tubbo after entering the kitchen/dining area and was quite overwhelmed with the amount of greetings and 'good morning!'s' he got all at once.

"How'd you sleep, hun?" he smiled when he heard Kristin's voice, humming a bit, settling on responding to her instead of facing the rest of the ongoing chaos in the kitchen.

"Pretty good, I think. Still waking up, though," he admitted. He watched the woman bring a plate over to him, setting a stack of pancakes in front of him. "Thank you."

Before she got the chance to respond, Tommy was shouting all to loud for how early it was in the morning. He sounded whiny, too. "Why does he get his first? I was awake before him," he complained, earning a response from Wilbur as he entered the room, his obviously messy hair temporarily contained by a beanie.

"Maybe because he's not throwing a fit over everything like you are," He made his way over to the table as Phil shot the both of them a look. Ranboo minded his own business, digging into his food, he knew that he wasn't in trouble. The brown haired man sat next to Tommy, leaning back in his seat casually.

"Will, be nicer to your brother. And Tommy, be patient, or else both of you will be put in timeout the moment we finish eating." he threatened, half joking.

"What?" Tommy said, sounding shocked as his eyes went wide.

"I second that, none of us are little!" Tubbo finally spoke up after laughing at the situation the whole time.

"Tom-tom here is sure acting like a baby, though," Wilbur teased, sitting back up to ruffle the blond's hair, continuing even when the younger whined and attempted to shove his hand away. He only retracted it when Phil gave him another stern look.

"Stop teasing him and eat your food," he told him as Kristin brought over plates for Tommy and Wilbur. "Where's Techno?" Phil seemed like he wanted to continue talking to Wilbur, but was distracted when he noticed that someone was missing. Wilbur smirked, sticking his tongue out to Tommy, as if bragging about being let off the hook.

Even Ranboo could admit, even out of headspace, everyone seemed to fill their roles in the family dynamic well. Wilbur was the cocky middle brother who somehow simultaneously gets in the most trouble and gets away with everything, Techno is the oldest who's mostly calm but will join in on the antics when it seems fun, and Tommy's the youngest who will play the 'innocent' card at any chance he could get.

Ranboo and Tubbo's exact roles were a bit undecided, but they seemed to consist of a lot of watching the scene play out and somehow getting dragged into an argument they had nothing to do with. Phil acted as their dad, who kept peace between everyone and tried to keep things calm, while Kristen played the role of a sweet mother-type figure.

When they were little, it was a bit different, but the general feeling of family remained the same.

After a few chaotic minutes of gathering everyone up and calming everyone down, they were all sitting around the table and talking in a much more civil manner. Things got loud once again only a few minutes later when Tommy knocked over his cup of orange juice.

"Sorry!" he squeaked, "I didn't mean to!" he defended, looking up at Phil apologetically. He immediately seemed much younger, a light pout on his lips as he apologized for his clumsiness.

"It's alright, Toms." the man assured, flashing a soft smile to let the regressor know that he was alright, reaching for the paper towels across the table. In just a few moments it was like there was never a spill in the first place. "Can you get him a sippy cup, please?" he asked Kristin, who immediately set off to get the requested item.

"I told you he was a baby," Wilbur spoke up next, predictably earning protests from the clearly regressing boy next to him.

"I'm not a baby!" the younger cried, looking to his other  "Techno, tell him I'm not a baby!"

"I mean, only babies need sippy cups," the other man leaned a bit closer the table, his words causing the teenager's eyes to widen.

"Can't Kristin just refill dis one?" he questioned, holding up the cup he had knocked over and looking to Phil hopefully.

"Sorry, buddy, I just don't want you to make another mess." Phil sighed, shooting a disappointed look towards Wilbur and Techno. Ranboo sunk further into his seat, trying to avoid getting pulled into the conflict. He wasn't sure how the others could handle Phil's 'disappointed look' so easily, the boy was very much scared of it.

"I'm not gonna!" Tommy whined, practically glaring at the cup that was set in front of him a moment later. He huffed and crossed his arms, refusing to drink or eat anything.

"This is what happens when you make fun of him, he gets all insecure and stubborn," Tubbo groaned, rolling his eyes as if they had been through this process a million times over.

"Tubbo's right, apologize to him," the oldest man ordered. Wilbur and Techno looked at him as if this suggestion was completely outrageous, so he added, "Now."

"Okay, okay!" Wilbur gave in, sounding defensive, "I'm sorry, Toms. You're not a baby."

"Really?" he lowered his arms, finally uncrossing them.

"No, you're just clumsy and we're sorry for making fun of you for it," Techno sounded very reluctant, but he followed Phil's orders. After these apologies, the rest of breakfast went fairly smoothly. By the end of it, Tommy was very obviously fully regressed and making a useless attempt to hide it.

It was a fairly often occurrence that Tommy slipped just for fun, acting and being treated like a kid was something he just liked. He got to be the annoying little brother and watch cartoons while he did it, it was a win-win across the board.

But Phil and Kristin knew, that whenever one of them slipped over their voice chats, anyone else in the discord call would too. And now, they were all actually together under one roof, so he was sure he'd have five littles to deal with by noon at latest.

--

As predicted, all of the boys ended up in littlespace, slipping one after another like a line of dominoes getting knocked over. After some reassurance from Phil, Tommy allowed himself to slip, and he dragged his best friend into a game of pretend. And the two toddler minded teenagers decided they wanted to play with Techno and Ranboo as well, and Wilbur soon followed when Phil babied him a bit to much.

At first, it was quite loud, and there was a lot of conflict and disagreements between the boys. Eventually, after everyone but Ranboo had managed to get in some sort of trouble, Phil sat the boys down to watch cartoons. Tommy, Tubbo, and Wilbur were out like a light one episode in. Wilbur was in babyspace, he always needed extra sleep, and Tommy tired himself out by crying when he assumed Phil was upset with him.

Tubbo, however, was just tired. No excuse, that's just how he was sometimes.

Ranboo and Techno were older then the rest of them, and far more behaved, so they didn't get quite as much attention earlier in the day. Phil was quite busy comforting Wilbur and trying to keep Tommy and Tubbo in check, and it didn't help that Kristin had to leave the house. To make up for this, Phil wanted to do something special with them while the other three took their mid-day naps.

After a while of Ranboo and Techno watching cartoons, trying to stay quiet so that their friends could sleep peacefully, Phil spoke up.

"Boys, quietly follow me," he whispered, managing to get out from under from where Wilbur was laying cuddling up to him without waking the boy up. Techno and Ranboo glanced at each other, seemingly confused but intrigued. They scrambled to get up, following their caregiver into the kitchen.

"What are we doin', dada?" Techno questioned once they entered the other room. They had left the cartoons on, so Phil was fairly sure they wouldn't be able to hear what was going on in the kitchen.

"You guys are gonna be my little helpers for snack time, okay? I got some special treats and such for everyone and we need to put everything together before everyone gets up!" the man explained in a quiet but excited tone, speaking even quieter as if his next words were a secret, "And if you guys do a good job, I'll even give you an extra cookie."

Ranboo's face immediately lit up, and he bounced on his feet as he awaited more instructions. Phil specifically chose him and Techno out of all of them, they must be special. It was like a super secret mission, just for them!

"So we're all gonna have fruit and vegetables before we get to the sweets," he continued on, going over the fridge and pulling out various fruits and vegetables, "Techno, could you wash the strawberries and blueberries for me?" he asked.

"Mhm!" he agreed, excited to be able to help. It seem weird that Phil's idea of "something special" was just putting them to work, it was more about the idea of making them feel special. They were more well behaved then everyone else, so they got extra time with Phil and a cookie.  

"What do I get to do?" Ranboo questioned. He watched as Technoblade took the containers with the fruit he was told to wash over to the sink.

"Are you big enough to pour drinks for everyone?" he questioned, pulling various new sippycups and bottles from a hidden spot in one of the cabinets. The two littles gasped, completely distracted from their tasks, "Yes, some of these are for you two." he chuckled at their excitement, coming over to Ranboo and holding out a simple but cute black and white sippy cup.

"I thought maybe you could put stickers on it," Phil explained. The boy nodded quickly, practically attacking him in a hug. "Okay, go on, get to work now." he said, motioning over to the counter where the rest of them sat.

As requested, they got to work. Techno helped wash the fruit and put then on their plates, while Ranboo filled the sippy cups and bottles with whatever drink each one of them liked best. His demise came when he tried to sneak soda into his sippy cup without asking, and he managed to spill it all over the counter.

"Uh oh! Spill on aisle Ranboo!" Phil joked, grabbing the paper towels and running over to help. Immediately, the boy panicked. He was the well behaved one, and Phil was gonna find out that he was trying to be sneaky! His guilt was obviously clear to the caregiver, because the next thing he said was, "Don't worry, accidents happen."

The gentle and reassuring tone he used only made him feel worse. It only took the man a moment to actually realize what the boy had been pouring into the cup. "Ranboooo," the caregiver held out his words, sounding disappointed, "You know that you could've asked for soda if you really wanted it, right? You've been so good all day, I would've given it to you."

"Really?" he asked, pouting when the man took the cup and dumped the liquid in the sink. He then ripped paper towels from the roll and wiped up the remainder of the drink from the counter.

"Yeah, I would've," Phil affirmed, "But trying to sneak around me isn't okay. You told me you were putting juice in here. That's lying, and I know for a fact that you're big enough to know that's not allowed. " he tsked, causing Ranboo to look down at his feet.

"M' sorry," he mumbled, ready to cry over such a small thing. He knew what he was doing was dumb, Phil rarely let them have sweets like that when they were small due to the fact that they got hyper.

"Don't cry, sweetheart, you're not in trouble," the man assured with a sigh, softening his tone immediately, rinsing the cup out as he spoke. Ranboo still felt bad, despite the gentle reassurance. He glanced up to see the man filling his cup with his favorite drink besides the over sugary soda: strawberry lemonade. "Here you go." he tightened the lid onto it and held it out for him.

"Sorry, dada," he apologized again, his eyes still glassy as he took it in his hands. Phil sighed a bit, opening his arms and pulling him close.

"You're okay, buddy, I promise you." he spoke gently, "Little boys make mistakes sometimes, it's alright." The man knew that while Ranboo might've been regressed to an older age, he was still quite sensitive, and he always felt overly bad whenever he got in trouble. Even if he had managed to get away with sneaking the soda, he would've owned up to what he did guiltily after just a few sips of the drink.

That's just how he was.

"M' all done!" Techno's voice interrupted them as he finished placing the snack-filled plates in their spot at the table, besides their respective sippy cups. Phil pulled away from the other regressor and ruffled his hair, smiling at him before addressing the other little.

"Good job, honey. You're such a good helper," he complimented, before looking back to Ranboo. "And so are you." he reminded. Ranboo giggled a bit, feeling happiness well up in his chest at the praise despite any childish guilt. The giggles only increased when his caregiver tapped the button of his nose, causing him to scrunch it up.

Once he was sure that Ranboo was alright, or at least doing a bit better, he gave them their next instructions. One good thing about Ranboo was that it was easy to sway his emotions to the more positive end if it was done before any tears came. "Take your seats and eat, I'm gonna wake up your brothers and have them pick up their toys from earlier, then they'll join you." he told them, before leaving the room.

Technoblade's eyes followed Phil as he exited the room, and he waited until he was sure he was out of earshot to say anything. "Psst, 'anboo," Techno leaned close to the table, grabbing the other boy's attention.

"Wha'?" he questioned, popping a grape in his mouth and tilting his head in curiousity.

"We should scare daddy when he comes back in! It'll be so cool," he suggested, "We can wait by the door and jump out!"

"Hmm...," Ranboo looked over to where the other pointed, considering his options, "We 'posed to be eatin'." he pointed out, shaking his head.

"We won' get in trouble, it's just playin' round," he tried to sound convincing. It seemed to work, because Ranboo reconsidered, before hesitantly nodding. He grabbed one more grape and his sippy cup before standing up, Techno leading him over to the entrance of the room. They were concealed behind the wall on either side of the doorway.

They listened Phil woke the others up and helped them put the toys away, excitement ramping up as they waited. To their shock, Tommy entered first, fully ready to greet him in his usual loud tone. Techno quickly put his finger to his lip, shaking his head to signal him to be quiet. Tommy's eyes widened as he realized what was happening, deciding to duck behind the with his older brother.

It was then that Phil entered, carrying Wilbur. The boys jumped out from their spots, exclaiming different variations of "boo!" and "AHH!", breaking out into giggles immediately after. Wilbur squeaked, the sound startling him a bit, but he didn't seem upset. "Well hello, little ones," Phil chuckled, "If I remember correctly, you boys are supposed to be at the table."

"Jus' wanted to scare you! We go eat now," Techno assured, taking Tommy's wrist in his hand and pulling him over to the table. Ranboo however, peeked behind Phil to see if Tubbo was coming.

"Where Tubs at?" he pulled on Phil's shirt before he could walk away, whining a bit.

"He had a bit of an accident," the man admitted, "He's a bit smaller now, but he'll be out soon, okay?"

"Okay..." he trailed off, looking out into the living room, completely set on standing there until his best friend was able to join him.

"How about you head over to the table, kiddo?" his caregiver questioned, earning a pout from the little. "Okay, okay, you can wait here for him!" he decided, figuring there was nothing wrong with it. With a forehead kiss, Phil left him at the doorway.

"Tubbo! We gots apple slices for you!" he rambled excitedly when his friend finally did arrive, running towards him and grabbing his hand. He started to pull him further into the kitchen, but the mentally younger of the two stumbled a bit, seemingly clumsier then he was earlier in the day.

Ranboo realized that he had a pacifier in his mouth now, and he saw Phil replacing his sippy cup with a bottle out of the corner of his eye. He had worked hard to put apple juice in that sippy cup, he thought, pouting a bit.

"M' sorry, didn' mean to make you almost fall! We can go slow," he decided, earning a thankful smile from the other regressor. "Are you gonna say anything?" he asked, walking beside him. As they approached the table, Phil replied for the boy.

"He's a bit younger, bud, he might not be up for talking," he explained, "You know what it's like to be so little that you feel like a baby. Can we all be understanding? He's only a bit older then Wilbur at the moment." "

Tubbo seemed quite embarrassed as he sunk into his seat, pulling his pacifier from his mouth to eat his food. There were sounds of agreement around the table. Ranboo was curious as to what exactly made Tubbo slip so much younger then he usually did, but he didn't voice this curiosity, settling on eating his food in favor of not embarrassing his friend anymore then he already was. .

"These are yucky!" Tommy claimed, pushing his plate with carrots and ranch away from him.

"You like carrots and ranch, what are you talking about?" Phil sounded tired and just a bit annoyed.

"Don' want em," he shook his head, whining just as he had that morning when Wilbur teased him.

"If you eat them you'll get a cookie," the caregiver bribed.

"What type of cookie?" the toddler minded boy squinted his eyes, as if considering this, as if it was a negotiation of sorts.

"Sugar cookie, chocolate chip, I think we have Oreos too...whatever you could want," this definitely caught the boys interest.

"Chocolate chip?" his eyes went wide with excitement, which was only intensified when Phil nodded. Immediately, he uncrossed his arms and pulled his plate back towards him. Phil seemed satisfied with this, ruffling his hair.

The boys were still waking up, so Phil asked them to talk about their elaborate games from earlier in the day to keep them occupied. So, as they ate their snacks, they giggled about imaginary wars and adventures and argued over who won their dramatic plastic sword duels. Eventually, the caregiver gave them their promised sweets before sending them back off to play.

"Ranboo, you left your sippy cup in the kitchen," Phil tapped the boy's shoulder and distracted him from his game of peek-a-boo with Tubbo. He quickly discovered that his friend seemed much to little to participate in any games he'd usually play, so he did what he always saw Phil do with Wilbur: play a simpler one.

It was obviously much more entertaining for the littler of the two, but Ranboo was happy to hear his friend's giggles and squeaks. "Oh! Thanks, dada!" the boy reached up to take his sippy cup from the caregiver as he was sitting on the floor and Phil was standing. Ranboo gasped when he took a drink, feeling bubbles on his tongue.

Immediately, Phil put a finger to his lips and gave him a warning look. This made the boy giggle a bit as he nodded, understanding the signal. "Thank you!" he repeated, smiling when his hair was ruffled softly. The moment didn't last long, Tommy called Phil over for something, and it was back to peek-a-boo with his best friend.

Ranboo didn't mind it, though, peek-a-boo was fun. Being with everyone was fun, even if it meant he got a bit less attention due to there being so much going on. It all evened out, he got to be a snack time helper! And he got an extra cookie! If you asked him, that was pretty awesome.

In the next few days, they'd all get back into making more collaborative content, as that was the point of this meet up, but for now, it was just time to play. To spend time together, to cuddle, and giggle, and make far to much noise in the name of fun. To just be a family.

That was the specific feeling that came to Ranboo with this meet up. The comforting feeling that bubbled in his chest whenever he got a forehead kiss or his hair ruffled by Phil, or when he played babyish games with his friends when they regressed younger then him.

This was the thing that clouded his mind whenever he regressed with this group specifically, or when they were in the car, joking about anything and everything as they got closer and closer to their destination. A feeling that consistently made his life better, the feeling that brought a smile to his face everyday...

The Feeling of Family.

--

A/N: I really hope you liked that adorable mess of 4500 words! I appreciate reblogs and likes, but no matter what, thanks for reading to the end! Did you like the chaotic feeling that five littles/so many people brought into my fic? I kinda had to switch up my normal formulas to make room for so many characters, there's a reason I literally put three character to sleep halfway through the fic hjsikajsa. Did I write Phil well? I tried to portray how a caregiver w/so many littles would act somewhat realistically? Kind of overwhelmed but managing. Also, did you like me portraying ranboo as 'the angle little' of the group? idk I felt like it fit his personality in the scenario. If you reply with/send an ask/reblog with feedback, you can answer those questions, leave a request for something (whether it be in the universe father into the month-long meetup timeline I set up or just another fic), state your general opinions on the fic, or just leave a strand of emojis if words are hard. No matter what, it means a lot! I hope you all have a great day!!!!

[acey-wacey]

Crushing on another team’s manager

Yamaguchi 

He probably noticed you during training camp

You were the manager for Nekoma and Kuroo’s best friend, besides Kenma, so you hung out in the 3rd gym a lot. 

Yamaguchi waits for Tsukki sometimes and plays with Kuroo, Bokuto and Akaashi. 

He first notices you when you pop in to tell them that dinner is almost over. 

“Kenma saved you a bowl but if you’re not at the dining hall in exactly 4 and a half minutes, I will be eating it, Kuroo.”

The 3rd-year laughs and starts cleaning up the gym along with the rest of the 3rd gym boys but Yamaguchi’s mind is still on you.

The first thing he noticed about you was the way a wide grin spread slowly across your face when you were teasing Kuroo. 

He had never seen a smile so goofy yet so beautiful in his entire life. You intrigued him already

He thought about that smile as he went to sleep that night.

Your next encounter was during one of the practice games they had with Nekoma during the camp. 

In between the sets, you were passing out water and towels to the Nekoma players. 

Yamaguchi found his eyes wandering towards you. He couldn’t help it, all he could think of was that smile and how he’d love to see it again. 

Before he could snap himself back to reality, you looked over to catch him staring. He immediately flushed and avoided eye contact. 

When he glanced back up at you for just a second, you were waving at him and smiling. That same smile that he couldn’t stop thinking about. That same smile that radiated warmth and sunshine in the pull of your lips upward. 

He almost stared for too long again but he was conscious enough to realize that he looked like a fool and he waved back before you looked away. 

When you turned back to talking with Kuroo, he remained with the shock and euphoria of seeing your smile again. 

Tsukishima had to knock him back from his thoughts when the next set was about to begin.

The third encounter was at the barbeque at the end of the training camp. 

Everything was completely chaotic and you were keeping the Nekoma boys in check. 

You passed around watermelon and chatted with Kaori and Yukie about how hard it is being the mom to a bunch of crazy teenage boys with way too much energy. 

As you made your way to Karasuno, you hesitated and groaned. 

“I can’t go over there, there’s a cute boy over there and I can’t hold my ground against cute people!” you whisper to your fellow managers. 

They share a smile as you explain why they should go give Karasuno watermelon instead of you. 

In unison, they grabbed your plate of watermelon and pushed you towards where Yamaguchi was sitting. 

He turned around just in time to have the Nekoma manager flung into his arms unceremoniously. 

As you try to grasp the situation, Yukie and Kaori out here just whistling and handing out watermelon, winking and wiggling their eyebrows at you. 

You tried to untangle yourself from Yamaguchi and apologize for your friends but he was too shocked to get any of what you were saying. He was still processing that you, the beautiful angel with the beautiful smile, just fell into his arms, literally. 

It all caught up with him eventually and he was beet red. 

When he realized you were talking, he pulled himself together enough to listen to you. 

“I am so sorry about that, and about my friends,” you growled at Kaori and Yukie, who shrugged and continued passing out watermelon. “I hope I didn’t hurt you,” 

You rub the back of your neck, hoping he won’t notice the blush rising on your ears. 

You two are just standing there awkwardly chuckling and blushing profusely while Nishinoya and Tanaka are sitting across the table watching you and munching on watermelon. 

“So are you guys gonna go out or what?” asks Tanaka as he takes another bites of watermelon. 

This draws your attention. 

Its a whole mess of stuttering as you both frantically try to explain. You aren’t sure what you’re explaining but you don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea. Well, no completely the wrong idea. 

Yamaguchi looks towards you, biting the inside of his lip awkwardly. 

“That-uh- actually doesn’t sound like-uh- such a bad idea”

He cringes and braces himself for the imminent rejection but instead is met by a hand taking his. 

“I’d like that,” you tell him. 

He can’t help but smile when he sees your face, the one that is displaying that smile, that radiant smile that fills him with warmth.

Kyoutani

You were Oikawa’s sibling so he expected you to be just as annoying as your brother. 

You go to Shiratorizawa for the science program and have become the manager for the team so you can participate in the school’s volleyball program even if your brother isn’t there. 

The first time he meets you is when you come to bring Tooru a bento during practice. 

You find a stray volleyball by the entrance and throw it straight at Tooru’s head

“Hey! Iwa-ch- y/n! Hi!” 

You smile widely and pat your brother on the arm

“Hey stupid, I brought you a bento so you won’t starve”

While he rifles through the food you brought him, your eyes wander to around the court. You watch some of the other players practice . 

What catches your attention is Kyoutani’s spike. You knew it was powerful from what Tooru has told you but you never expected to see him in person.

Of course you have to walk over and introduce yourself because hey, why not?

He just kind of stares at you. He thought you would be intimidated by his appearance since most people are but you just walked up to him and told him his spike was amazing. 

That made an impression on him more than it probably should. You had such a confident air about you and he was very confused as to why he found himself thinking about you during his classes. 

He would perk up whenever he heard someone coming into the gym, hoping it was you. 

When Aoba Johsai played Shiratorizawa, you, of course, walked over to talk to Tooru. 

“You are going to lose,” you spat. “Also I love you and do your best! Good luck!” Tooru rolled his eyes and punched your arm, so you punched his back harder and earned an “ow” from the drama queen. 

When you were done messing around with Tooru, you looked over at Kyoutani and waved at him with a little smile.

“Good luck out there, Kyoutani! I hope I get to see one of those amazing spikes!”

You made your way back to the Shiratorizawa team as he scowled out of spite for his own heart, how dare it beat that fast when you talk to him

During the whole match, you cheered for both teams out of loyalty to your school and your brother. 

When Kyoutani scored a point, you cheered the loudest. He wouldn’t show it but he loved the attention from you. If you cheered that loud at all of Aoba Johsai’s games, he would score all 25 points just to hear your praise again. 

He asks Oikawa about his feelings and that was a mistake. 

Oikawa is all “ohoho you like my sibling ohoho” he’s such a child

Kyoutani very is very close to just losing it when Oikawa’s all like “ listen here, young one (you’re only one year older shut up) you have a crush, and you gotta tell them. Here, I’ll help you. 

He writes a little note on some Sanrio stationery because it was the only paper Oikawa had in his backpack and Oikawa is supposed to give it to you. 

He’s a little bch about it tho

Just holding it above your head because stupid volleyball players

He eventually does let you read it and you are over the moon

Partially because of the cute stationary but mostly because your crush just confessed to you, I mean, how much better does it get

Now every time you come into the gym, Tooru does the wiggly eyebrows and you shut him up with a volleyball to the back of the head (Iwa: I’ve taught you well)

[putschki1969]

Heloooo! thanks for uploading wakana fans club video, really love it !! but sorry, the water mark is covering wakana's face, could you please dont put the watermark over Wakana's face >_< ? i think there is no harm in putting the watermark at the edge of the screen so it doesnt block the girl's faces XD. their faces are too beautiful to have something floating over them <33333

I understand where you are coming from and I am inclined to agree, their faces are indeed too beautiful to have them covered. And yeah, of course, in theory, there is no “harm” in putting the watermark somewhere less visible. But here’s the thing, I purposefully chose to put the watermark for fan club exclusive content smack in the middle of the video.

It’s honestly such a tough call and I never quite know what to do. I do not believe in exclusion and I am working hard to make Kala-content accessible for everyone. After all, I want fellow fans to have fun with this stuff. That’s why I am always providing tutorials, infos, scans, download links and elaborate translations/summaries. It’s so that all of you can partake in fandom activities and spread the Kala-love.

However, I also want to respect the exclusive nature of fan club content. I have been trying all sorts of stuff in the past but I feel like slapping a medium-transparent watermark onto a video is the best idea yet and a pretty good compromise since it’s not too distracting and you can still see and enjoy everything. At the same time, it serves as a reminder for people to refrain from randomly sharing the content all over the internet and I also hope that it might encourage fans like yourself to join the fan clubs since you are obviously placing great importance on unmarked videos.

While I know it is quite a big hassle to become a member of these fan clubs, it’s not at all impossible, there is honestly nothing that could be considered an “insurmountable” hurdle. If you love the girls, enjoy their content and want to support them, you really should register or work up to being able to register!

No Japanese address? Sign up on Tenso now! It’s one of the best decisions you will ever make.

Don’t understand Japanese? Read my tutorials! Don’t be intimidated, it’s not as bad as you think.

Scared to make the first steps? Message me or send me an ask! I am literally willing to hold your hand throughout the entire process.

Don’t have the money right now? Then start saving. The annual fees aren’t too high.

Don’t have a credit card? Maybe ask relatives or friends if you can use theirs.

In the meantime, please try to be more appreciative of all the things you are getting here on this blog for free

How do others feel about this? Please share your opinion! Do you feel like anon? Do you hate the fan club watermarks? Do they ruin your viewing experience?

[moral-turpitudes]

Silver Linings: Part 3

Masterlist | Rules | Peaky Prompts 

Trigger Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Swearing.

Word Count: 1,931

Characters: Alfie Solomons x Adopted Daughter!Reader + Michael Gray x Alfie’s Adopted Daughter!Reader

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | *Part 4* | Part 5

As Y/N put the last of her furniture in the living room, she heard the new phone ring. Running over and picking it up with an exhausted hello.

“I know we got off on a bad foot love, but I’m gonna need you to be careful. That blinder Michael, ya know the one I’ve been meeting for the last month? He’s been shot.” Alfie said, nonchalantly.

“No....” She said, tears welling up in her eyes as she sniffled lightly. The feeling of a lump forming in her throat as she tried to swallow the news.

“Are you crying? You don’t know the lad anyways right? He’s in surgery that’s all I know. Got shot by that damn mafia who’s been causing us problems.” He said.

“I do know him....Where is he? Where’s the rest of Mr. Shelby’s men?” She asked, frantically wiping the tears away.

“Fuck. Y/N is he the one? Is he the one you’ve been with? You could’ve been killed!” He said angrily.

“I know dad, please just tell me where he is....I-I know you’re upset and I know the blinders will be too. I should’ve never came out from the back when they stopped by but god damn it I was trying to do my job and trying to live for myself for once. If you had a shred of decency you’d understand that...now where is he?!” She yelled back, her voice echoing through her rather empty apartment.

“At that hospital in London. I’ll take ya.” He said, she could hear the commotion in the background of his shop as he spoke.

“Okay. Please don’t make this worse than it is. You have a way of doing that.” She said harshly, hanging up the phone and grabbing another bottle of rum she’d stolen from work.

She took a long swig and sat in one of the chairs she’d bought, thinking about the man she just started seeing, hoping he’d be alright. The thoughts of all the worst-case scenarios running through her mind as she downed another sip, the large clock on the wall near her reading nearly 5pm. Her nerves were frazzled from all the moving and the waiting. Her eyes flickering from the phone to the clock every 5 minutes. Yet a loud honking noise soon ripped her from her thoughts as she saw it was her father. She knew he’d find her address eventually. Not knowing he’d find it that quick, unless he threatened her poor driver.

Despite their arguing, Alfie still opened the door for her to get in, silently driving them through the busy streets as she gazed out the window. Tears slowly falling down her cheeks as she watched the sky grow darker as they drove on.

“Look, I don’t know what will happen after they meet ya but make sure you have your gun on ya. You have it don’t you?” He asked after a long silence, his words the opposite of comforting.

“Always, dad.” She said, wiping her tears away.

“If they don’t decide to kill us for hiding ya all these years, they’ll probably try to because you were a risk to that Michael fellow. Beautiful girl such as yourself is always a risk.” He said.

“That why I don’t have a mum? You’re too scared of taking risks?” She remarked, not really caring anymore if the blinders knew of her or not.

“Nah, I think you know well enough that I’ve got a mean mug no one would take two glances at. Besides, me last love got killed. But life goes on I suppose.” He said, looking on as his lit cigar slowly burnt away.

“You’ll find someone. Maybe it’ll be a blinder lady.” She said with a smirk, finally feeling like they were back to their normal banter for a moment.

“If I do ever fall for one of them, do me a favor and dig my hole will ya?” He asked, chuckling.

“Sure will.” She said, her smile slowly fading as they neared the hospital.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want it to make you angry...and didn’t want you to fight them.” She said.

“Love, we fight no matter the situation. If there’s ever a day I’m not yelling at Thomas fucking Shelby then assume that’s the day the world is ending.” He said, getting out of the car with his cane in hand.

As they walked in, they heard Esme crying and running out of the morgue, the blood still fresh on her hands as she ran out past them.

Thomas came out with a lit cigarette in his mouth, an angry-yet saddened look to his eyes.

“Alfie...why are you here aye? Just lost John. Now I’m waiting to hear if I lost Michael.” He said, not taking much notice to the younger girl near her large-framed father.

“I came here to check on the lad. Actually, she came here to check on him.” He said, motioning towards her.

Y/N nervously looked at the man, his blue eyes piercing hers as he examined her like a wolf stalking it’s prey.

“Aye well who are you Ms.? Some whore he fucked?” He asked bluntly.

“Well, actually mate...that’s my fucking daughter. Her names Y/N. Now...she’s actually a lovely woman and she wanted to be here for him cuz they’ve been dating for uh how long?” He asked turning to her.

“About a month so far.” She said crossing her arms and staring the rude gang leader down.

“As she said, about a month. They’ve been dating right under both our fucking noses now what do you think of that aye? Young love never ceases to amaze me I tell ya.” He said, a slightly crazed look in his eye as he towered over Thomas.

“How long have you had a daughter Alfie? You weren’t going to tell me aye?” He asked.

“My brain’s not what is used to be since ya shot me in the face, but uh I’d say ‘round 5 years now. Adopted her from that orphanage near Camden Town. What...you don’t think I’m good at hiding stuff? I’ve had her working in the shops and all that for years and ya never fucking knew.” He said, adjusting his tallit which was draped over his shoulders.

“And bruva, I never fucking told you because I knew one day she’d get hurt if she ever knew ya. And here we are.” He said, flicking his cigar on the ground and stomping it out. Thomas clenched his jaw and looked away, his eyes focusing back on the girl.

“How’d you meet Michael? It surely wasn’t when any of us were around.” Thomas asked, gesturing vaguely. Y/N took a deep breath before speaking, trying to think of the best response to the rude gang leader.

“It was when everyone was around. None of you had the sense to see it though. When you first came in I saw him as I snuck through the shop. We exchanged names, ya know, like what normal people do. And now we’re here of all fucking places.” She said, looking down the hall at the operating room.

“Did you know they were after him? Did he act suspicious?” He asked.

“Jesus christ, why am I being interrogated? You do business with my father not me.” She said.

“Anyone who knows my family is of my concern. That now includes you. He’s been seeing you whenever he’s not with us. What has he told you?” He asked.

“Nothing. He hasn’t really talked about anything. I just know he’s with you lot and that’s it. I swear.” She said, giving him an annoyed look. She wanted to run off, not liking the man within a few seconds of meeting him.

“Mr. Shelby?” A nurse asked from the hall, cutting the tension that filled the room.

“Yeah?” He asked, turning around to face the nurse.

“He’s out of surgery, you...and your guests can see him now.” She said, walking back to her desk.

“We’re your guests? It’s a fucking honor mate. Let’s go shall we?” Alfie asked, never ceasing to pull Thomas’ leg.

All three of them walked in, Michael lying there with his chest bandaged along with his arm where another bullet hit. His face pale and tired as he sat up.

“You made it another day Michael....would you like to tell me what exactly happened?” Thomas asked, his cousins eyes slowly resting on his.

“I did as you asked, warned John and Esme...then his mafia men pulled up in hay covered cars. I shoved Esme inside and John got his shotgun ready...” He said, wincing through breaths.

“Then they shot through him with machine guns. The bullets that hit him, hit me, and a few others flew by. That’s all I remember.” He said, not noticing Y/N in the room nor her father in the corner as his grogginess wore off.

“Alright, well I’ll leave you two be. Alfie let’s have a talk shall we?” He said, going outside to the waiting area. Alfie sighed and followed him, closing the door in the process.

“Y/N...?” He said, rubbing his eyes to see more clearly, thinking he was dreaming.

“Hey...” She said, sitting next to him and holding his hand which was cut up from hitting the ground so hard.

“I wasn’t expecting you to be here.” He said, wincing.

“Well, my dad and I kind of got in an argument earlier. He offered to take me to see you. I couldn’t sit in my new place thinking you were gone.” She said.

“Thank you for seeing me. I didn’t think I’d make it. I uh....I wanted to see you once more. Just to tell you things.” He said.

“What did you want to tell me? Now that you’ve made it I think there couldn’t be a better time.” She said smiling.

“I uh....” He started to say before he sucked in a sharp breath.

“I probably shouldn’t talk much right now but I can show you.” He said. A pained smile forming on his face.

“What are talking about-“ She began, feeling his hand caressing her cheek as he pulled her closer to him. Their lips softly connecting in a long kiss. Y/N’s heart beating rapidly as she deepened the kiss, being mindful of his injuries.

As they broke away, Michael smiled weakly as she felt her face heat up.

“I’ve been wanting to tell you that I wanted to go out...officially. If you’d want to. This just sort of got in the way though aye?” He said gesturing to the bandages.

She nodded and wiped a tear from her cheek as she clutched his hand once more.

“Yeah, I uhm...I would like that. Once you’re better though alright?” She said, her eyes serious despite the tears still falling. He reached up and wiped them away, her leaning her cheek into his palm as he did so.

“Speaking of that though, I had to tell my father and Thomas about us. I’m hoping they haven’t killed each other though.” She said, nervously looking towards the door.

“They can deal with that then, that’s not our concern. They can’t ruin everything.” He said, a slight smirk on his face.

“You sure? I mean can you see where we bloody are right now? If my father can cause your family so much stress I can only imagine what that deviled cousin of yours is planning for us.” She said, not knowing the extent the two hard-headed gang leaders would go to protect their families, even if it meant hurting the ones they loved.

[luna-tiel]

What Entrapdak Means to Me

On the eve of Entrapdak Positivity Month, I thought it was as good a time as any to share my rambling thoughts on a ship that’s affected me in a way I didn’t think was possible. 

Entrapdak is the first ship I have ever been invested in. It’s such a new experience for me that it’s taken me the last few months to wrap my head around the whole thing. I may relate to the characters in a show, but when they form romantic attachments I view it with a degree of passive distance. I don’t understand what it’s like to have those sorts of feelings for someone (I am aromantic and ace as a brick), and, well, I’m honestly not curious enough to give the subject a thorough study. My mind tends to fixate on other things. 

What does this have to do with Entrapdak, you ask? Long story short for people who don’t want to read my meandering essay -- I relate a lot to these characters, and the way they bonded together struck a deep chord in me that I can’t ignore. 

Let’s start with the characters. I knew going in that Entrapta was neurodivergent-coded, but I took it with a grain of salt. When I actually watched the show, however, I found myself relating to her so deeply it shocked me. Never have I felt such a kinship with a fictional character! We don’t share every trait, but it was still like seeing my brain put to life on screen. I related to her enthusiasm over her special interests, her struggles to fit in, her desire to make friends who accept and understand her for who she is. 

The fact Entrapta is completely herself is something I love about her. Over the years of growing up undiagnosed, I developed a lot of masking strategies. Human psychology is one of my special interests, and even with all that accumulated knowledge, masking isn’t easy. It’s extremely mentally taxing. Masking can certainly look easy -- I can, when I have the drive and energy, “pass” as neurotypical, and only people who know me extremely well can tell I’m dying inside. All that effort is taken for granted by a lot of NTs because that’s how people are “supposed to” act, and surely I can “do the bare minimum.” The accumulated stress of near constant masking has led me to the darkest moments I’ve had in my life.

Entrapta’s struggle with leaving Beast Island hit me hard. It threw me back to a time when my feelings of isolation and worthlessness got so bad that I lost the energy to do anything, even the creative pursuits that were the obsession of my life. I retreated so deeply into my inner world that I hardly interacted with anyone. That total apathy shocked my family into getting me professional help, which gave me my autism diagnosis, the coping skills to move forward, and a good start on the road to self-acceptance. It also opened a channel between my family and I, allowing me to feel heard and understood. (An important side note on mental health: if you or someone you love needs professional help, please seek it! Sometimes you have to try out several therapists -- it took me three to find a good fit -- but you are worth it!)

It took me longer to realize, but I also relate to Hordak in some ways. Mercifully I was not raised in an extremist cult environment. However, I know what it’s like to feel defective next to a sibling that seems perfect. I was constantly being compared to my younger brother, and in all areas but art, he was superior. He was smart, athletic, and above all, he fit in with everyone. I didn’t hate him for this -- I hated myself. Trying to measure up to his standard is what caused me to develop such strong masking strategies. Underneath it all, I felt the despair of knowing my peers would reject me as soon as the mask cracked. I also live with chronic joint pain, starting at around age seven. The jury is still out on what’s causing that (the worst of it was due to a previously unknown food allergy, but the pain still comes and goes, even though it’s a lot more manageable than it used to be). This cocktail of pain, stress, and sensory issues I had to deal with gave me a very short fuse at times. 

As an aside, just because I sympathize with Hordak does not mean I am excusing his actions. He is still going to have to face the consequences of his choices, and work to adjust to life post-Prime. The series end gave him a new beginning, the opportunity to be redeemed, and I prefer this to a rushed redemption arc. 

What I love most about Hordak and Entrapta’s relationship is how they accept each other as they are. Hordak gives Entrapta near free reign of his sanctum, he listens to her when she talks, and he respects her opinions. Even when he pushes her away, he still considers the logic of what she tells him, and sometimes ends up doing things her way despite his initial instincts. This is something I do in my own life; I am easily overwhelmed by new information, so my initial response to an idea/activity is almost always a firm (and sometimes rude) “no,” until I have time to properly process and think about it. Hordak is the first person in Entrapta’s life that truly listens to her. He still has things he needs to work on, but it’s a lot better than how most of the princesses are with Entrapta. The Alliance treats her as someone to be managed -- she is useful, but unreliable. Hordak, in contrast, trusts her to get things done in her own way. 

On the other side, Entrapta is the first person in Hordak’s life to accept him without judgment. Hordak spends so much of his energy putting up a front of strength and intimidation, and Entrapta cuts right through that. She’s not frightened by his appearance, and even his outbursts have little effect on her until the two of them start to bond. Entrapta doesn’t come into their interactions with any preconceived ideas of what Hordak is like, or more importantly, what he should be like. This lack of expectation leaves her completely open to accepting whatever Hordak does and says, and it also relieves Hordak of the burden of needing to put on a front around her. When Entrapta sees him at his most vulnerable, she reaches out to him with compassion, something he has never felt before. Entrapta also does this in a way that doesn’t belittle Hordak. His imperfections are not something to pity, they are a valuable part of who he is. 

I loved watching their friendship develop. Entrapta and Hordak’s shared time together evolved slowly into a bond that gave each of them a sense of belonging they had never experienced before with anyone else. It gave me the hope that, despite what an oddball mess I am, perhaps I could find someone who understands me too. 

When a romance subplot inserts itself into a story, I tend to gloss over and ignore it (if I pick up on it at all). I’m even less interested in sex. Way back when I was first getting into fandom I was so excited to go online and meet fellow fans of the books and shows I liked, only to discover the spaces being dominated by arguments over character pairings. I was baffled. This is what people are most interested in? Oh well… back to the hermit cave I go! 

I was late to the party with SPoP. I’d watched a few episodes, but the show didn’t really hook me. This was partially because all I ever heard people talk about online was Catradora, and if that was the main appeal of the show, I wasn’t sure I would enjoy it (sorry Catradora shippers, romance is not going to entice me to watch a show, even if it’s rep). Quarantine was the ultimate cause for me embracing my curiosity and diving headfirst into SPoP, binging the entire thing a few months before the release of season 5.

I vaguely knew about Entrapdak as a ship going into the show, and I admit, had I not been primed for it, I probably would have missed the romantic potential entirely. In no way did I expect to become invested. I was immediately intrigued by their dynamic, and as they got closer, I found myself thinking “oh, I see why people ship these two.” I didn’t understand this realization until months later. I was relating to the characters, and for the first time in my life, I was relating to their relationship.

I headcanon Entrapta and Hordak as an asexual couple. I’ll elaborate on this at a later time (asexuality is a spectrum with a lot of nuance, and this post is plenty long already), but at the core of it, I find joy in imagining these characters in a loving platonic relationship, something I hope to find myself one day. I hope this love comes across in my artwork and in my fanfictions <3

To those of you that read this far, wow, you must be patient! Have an imaginary cookie! I hope this ramble has provided a decent picture for why I, as an aro ace on the autism spectrum, have come to cherish Hordak and Entrapta’s relationship. It’s my first and only OTP… I’m still in shock thinking about that… I guess we’ll see where things go from here!

Take care of yourselves out there!

[flowerpowell]

The Royal Holiday Romance (Liam x MC)

PART SEVEN

A/N: This story is pretty much done! There’s only an epilogue left (unless you want me to end the story here, but I kinda doubt it 😅). Thank you all for the engagement in this series so far; it motivated me to actually finish it. I hope you’ll enjoy this chapter as well!

Rating: G (some angst + mention of a panic attack at the beginning)

Tagging: @gardeningourmet​ @delightfullypinkglitter​ @twinkleallnight​ @kingliam-rys​ @kingliam2019​ @lodberg​ @sfb123​ @queen-arabella-of-cordonia​ @iaminlovewithtrr​ @gkittylove99​ @texaskitten30​ @shanzay44​ @sweatyrysconnoisseur​ ❣

“Liam… Liam…”

“Whoaaa—What’s happening?” Liam opened his eyes and saw Maxwell and Drake standing over him, concern written on their faces. His body was aching and he realized he didn’t remember the last few hours. “Where am I?”

“Your bedroom,” Maxwell replied calmly.

Liam looked around. Indeed, he was in his bedroom. Was it all a dream? Was his conversation with Victoria only a dream? She didn’t know the truth yet?

Liam sat up and instantly he felt dizzy. If she didn’t know the truth yet, he had to tell her straight away. He wasn’t going to wait again.

“Yeah… Bastien carried you here,” Drake added.

Liam looked at him confused. “Bastien?”

They nodded.

Suddenly all his motivation to tell her the truth was gone. If Bastien carried him there that meant… That meant…

“It wasn’t a dream.”

“I’m afraid not.”

“How…”

“Bastien said you passed out on the street and he carried you here. I’m sorry, Li.” Drake looked genuinely sad.

“Bastien told you what happened?” Liam asked and his friends shook their heads.

“He didn’t have to. It’s all over the news.” Maxwell showed him an article titled American Attention Wh*re Tries to Seduce the King on his phone. Liam cursed under his nose as he read it.

“So that’s how she found out,” he thought and it made him feel even worse. She deserved so much better than that.

“I’ll spare you the I-told-you-so’s but you really did her dirty. Not only did she find out you were not who you claimed to be but also the whole country think she was trying to climb up the social ladder and gain more popularity,” Drake pointed out, sending Liam that knowing look which said “fix it.”

“I’m going to speak to the press. Explain everything.”

“Yeah… You probably should do it soon,” Maxwell said, his eyes glued to his phone. Liam gulped, mentally preparing himself for more bad news.

“And why is that?”

“The director of the movie she and Hana worked on is considering deleting all her scenes and hiring someone else instead. Apparently, Tori didn’t live up to the terms of the contract. Hana just messaged me.”

“But…” Liam felt his heart began to race. He really messed up. Worse. He ruined Victoria’s life. He ruined the life of a woman he loved. He was monster.

“I’m going to deal with it. Can you two please leave me alone and ask Bastien to join me in an hour?”

“Li… Are you okay?”

“Can you?” Liam repeated and both men nodded, exiting the room and leaving him alone, as he wished.

~~~~

“Tori… You don’t have to leave, you know?”

“I have to,” Victoria replied trying to close her suitcase. “I’ve already paid for my plane ticket and since I might lose the money I should make on this movie, I can’t let it go wasted.”

“He’s not going to fire you. I told him that if he does, I’m quitting, too.”

“You really shouldn’t have,” Victoria told her but Hana only shrugged.

“What is the point of making a movie about women’s empowerment if the director is clearly doing something opposite.”

“It’s fine. I didn’t want to be an actress anyway. Maybe it’s a sign I should do something else.”

Victoria finally closed her suitcase and took a deep breath. Saying goodbye to her acting career came to her surprisingly easily, unlike saying goodbye to Liam. She hadn’t talked to him at all since she called him out the day before but the mere thought of him made her feel like crying again.

He didn’t try to contact her again which only proved her point – he used her for fun and now that the fun was over, he moved on to another prey. And that was probably what hurt her the most. Yes, the lies, dishonesty was awful, but what caused her the most pain was the fact that she was nothing to him but a piece of his game. She meant nothing to him when he meant everything to her.

“I mean, it is so obvious. Why would a literal King even look twice at someone like me? I was only an easy prey and nothing more.”

“Oh my goodness! You should see it!” Hana exclaimed, holding out her phone for Victoria to take.

“Why? What happened?” She asked as she took the phone. She hesitated when she saw Liam’s face on the screen and Hana noticed it.

“You really should see it.”

Sighing, Victoria started reading the article. It turned out that Liam had a press conference the first thing in the morning and addressed the rumors about her.

King Liam opened up about his private life in the latest press conference. The young and still-single King talked about Victoria Brooks, the American actress he was seen with lately, as well how the rumors about their relationship have hurt him.

“I have never been more upset in my life then when I read the [DailyCordonian] article,” he said in his speech. “I feel very disappointed by the journalists who spent years in college to prepare for the job, only to write about lies and their own awful assumptions. It hurt an innocent woman who did nothing wrong. I also feel disappointed by the people, my fellow countrymen, who without checking the information started to sling mud at lady Victoria Brooks. But most importantly, I feel ashamed and disappointed with myself. Yes, dear Cordonia. It wasn’t Victoria who used me for fame or status. It was me who used her. It was me who hurt her. It was me who lied to her about my status. She didn’t even know I was a King before she read that awful article. I didn’t know how to tell her because [long pause] because I fell in love with her and was scared she would never like me back if she knew I was a monarch. You see? She’s the opposite of what you claimed her to be. I have never met a more amazing woman and I feel deeply sorry for making her life so miserable. I am sorry in the behalf of my country of how it treated her and I am sorry in my own behalf for having hurt her. I might be a King but I’m still only human who makes mistakes. I do not expect her to forgive me but I’d like to offer my sincere apologies for what she has experienced in my country.”

King Liam, in his heartfelt speech, assured about the genuineness of his feelings towards the actress and apologized to everyone he hurt in the process. Despite his efforts, there’s still no news from the actress herself. According to King Liam, she doesn’t like to be in the center of attention and this is probably the only reason she hasn’t commented anything yet.

What a lovely couple it could be! A humble actress from far away falling in love with a King of a small country… A true fairytale that never came to.

Stay tuned for more about this royal holiday romance!

“What a hypocrisy,” Victoria commented when she finished reading.

“What? Liam? I don’t think he’s lying, it seemed genuine.”

“No, the website,” she snorted. “A humble actress, lovely couple as if they didn’t call me an attention whore who wanted to use Liam for fame.” She rolled her eyes. Not that she expected any apology from a gossip rag like that.

“What about Liam? What… do you think?” Hana asked softly.

“I… I don’t know what I think,” Victoria replied honestly. “I’m confused.”

It could still be one of his games but would Liam really go that far and admitted it in front of the whole country? She wasn’t sure what to make of it.

~~~~

Liam called her late in the afternoon, when she was already in the cab, on her way to the airport. She debated whether she should answer or not for so long, that he almost hung up.

“Hello?”

“Victoria! Hi! I… I wasn’t sure if you’d pick up.” Liam greeted her and she heard hesitation in his voice.

“Yeah… me neither.”

“I am calling because I want to talk to you. Please, Victoria, let me explain. Just a few minutes. Can we meet up somewhere?”

Victoria bit her lip. “I’m on my way to the airport.”

“What? No!” She could almost hear his heart breaking. “Please, let me talk to you first. Let me explain myself. Please, Victoria, don’t leave just yet.”

“I’m sorry, Liam. I—I saw the speech. And it’s fine, there’s no need to apologize. I’ve moved on. And I’m going home. Goodbye, Liam.” She hung up before he could say anything. She didn’t need to hear him. Probably because whatever he was about to say, would make her reconsider. Or worse, it would make her fall for him again.

~~~~

Liam was squeezing his phone in his hand, mentally cursing. He couldn’t let her go that easily. If she wanted to go, he’d of course let her, but not before he had the chance to apologize properly.

“Li? Did you talk to her?” Drake asked and Liam looked at him.

“She hung up. Doesn’t want to meet up.”

Drake nodded. “Well… You can’t do anything anyway.”

“Maybe I can,” Liam said with a devilish smile. “I’m still the King, as far I remember.”

~~~~

“What do you mean you can’t let me in?” Victoria asked. “I have a plane to catch.”

“I’m so sorry, the airport was closed ten minutes ago. King’s order,” the guard explained and Victoria’s eyes widened.

“Oh no, he didn’t,” she murmured and smiled apologetically at the guard, walking away. Apparently, being a King had more perks that she thought. Narrowing her eyes, she took out her phone and called Liam.

“Hello?”

“Open the airport, I need to go home!”

“I will after we talk. Can we meet up now?” He asked.

“No!” she yelled and people around looked at her curiously. “If you don’t want to open the airport, fine. I’ll take a train to Italy and go home from there.”

She hung up before he said anything. If Liam thought he was smart, he didn’t know Victoria yet.

~~~~

“I’m sorry, why exactly I can’t buy a train ticket?”

“Because all trains are cancelled today. King’s orders.” The lady who was selling tickets shrugged.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she hissed and heard her phone ringing.

Liam.

“Do you have time now?” He asked.

“I don’t care you’re the King, I am leaving your country, whether you like it or not!” She hung up, not hearing his laughter.

~~~~

Liam sat in his bedroom with his phone in the hand. What he was doing wasn’t fair but he needed a chance to talk to her. But she was stubborn.

Gosh, she was so stubborn.

He smiled to himself when he noticed she was calling again.

“Yes?”

“Seriously, Liam? You blocked all cabs?”

“If that will make you stay a little longer and listen to me, then yes.”

“No way. Take your cabs, planes, trains, whatever. I am leaving.”

He chuckled when she hung up. He had a feeling where she’d go next and wasn’t disappointed when she called him again, twenty minutes later.

“Hello?”

“Just how exactly did you know I was going to rent a boat?”

“I thought you might.” He smiled. “You should be thankful though, boats are expensive to rent here and besides, the weather’s not good for sailing. It’s winter after all.”

“I don’t care it’s winter! I’m going home!” There was silence for a moment before he heard her cuss. “I can’t even rent a bike?!”

“It’s winter!”

“You can’t keep me here by force! I’m going on foot then!” she yelled at him and hung up.

As he said, she was so stubborn.

~~~~

“Stupid jerk. Who does he think he is?” Victoria talked to herself as she walked, dragging her suitcase with her. “He lied to me, made a fool out of me and is not even letting me go anywhere. Heck no. All my sympathy to him is gone. Gone!”

“Is that what actresses do? Talk to themselves?” She turned to see Liam in the limo, driving next to her.

“I’m not talking to you. I’m going home.”

“Come here. I’ll give you a lift and we’ll talk in the meantime.”

“La-la-la! I can’t hear anything.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Liam laughed. “You’ll freeze.”

“Good! I’m mad at you!”

“No, you’re not. I see you’re laughing,” Liam teased her and she stopped and hit him with her bag. From the corner of her eye, she saw his bodyguard observing her and she realized that Liam was a King after all and hitting him was probably illegal.

“Victoria, I know I hurt you but I just want to explain myself. Please. After I’m done… and if you don’t change your mind, I promise I’ll let you go. The royal jet will take you home to America whenever you’d like.”

“Whenever I’d like?” She asked, narrowing her eyes. “Can I have it on paper?”

“I promise. King’s promise. My guards are the witnesses.”

She sighed. “Fine.”

~~~~

They were driving in silence and Victoria wondered if it was a good idea.

“So… I thought you wanted to talk to me. We’ll be at the airport soon.”

“I wanted… I needed to gather my thoughts… I just—I never… I don’t know how to start. I am so terribly sorry for everything. For lying to you, for hiding the truth. For what the press wrote about you.” He flinched as if it hurt him. “I’ve never wanted to deceive you. I didn’t have bad intentions. When we met, I never thought I’d see you again and I certainly didn’t want to introduce myself as a King. Then we met again and… Each time I saw you, I was more and more nervous about what you’d think of me when you find out who I really am. And when we were together… I forgot. I forgot I was a King, I forgot about my duties. I could be just Liam, I was just Liam. It was me, Liam. It’s still me. Liam. Yes, my job is unusual but it doesn’t change my personality. I’m still the same Liam you met. And as much as I feel guilty for leaving you in the dark, I’m glad you got to know the real me.”

“Liam, I… I understand your motives. I do. And I forgive you, okay? If I was very famous, I probably wouldn’t announce it to everyone I meet. Yes, it made me feel like an idiot when I found out but I think I get it. And I appreciate what you said during the conference.”

The car pulled up at the airport and Victoria noticed the royal jet waiting there. Liam really meant what he said.

“You forgive me?” Liam asked.

“I do.”

“Will… Would… Does… Does it mean you could give me another chance, perhaps? My feelings hasn’t changed.”

“Liam…”

“Please say yes, Victoria.” He closed his eyes and leaned to her, their foreheads touching. “I love you.”

Oh how she wanted to hear those words. Her whole life, she craved to hear those words directed at her.

“Liam… I… the jet is waiting.”

“Stay, Victoria. Please. Give me another chance. One more chance. Please.”

Victoria bit her lip as she pulled away from him and looked him in the eyes. The King was begging her to stay, with tears in his eyes. She swallowed hard.

“I—I can’t Liam. I forgave you, as I said but… that’s that. I think… I think it’s better if I go. Our... story... or whatever it is, should end now. It’d never work out,” she said and opened the door, exiting the car. As if nervous that he’d change his mind about letting her go home, she ran to the jet. She turned around, the last glimpse of him, with his head down, looking pleadingly at her. She smiled sadly at him and waved, and then disappeared inside, the door closing after her.

And as Liam watched the jet take off, he realized it was over. He lost Victoria forever.

--