#i am so scared all the time
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Vent:
An extreme air of anxiety fills within me today
I want to just move on with life.
But I don't know how to do that
I should just not think about it
But I don't really know how to do that either
Thinking about it more doesn't make it happen
So it's not going to speed anything up
It doesn't do anything with the time
Focusing on it isn't going to make me better when it comes
It's just going to have me distressed when its there
I won't gain anything from worrying about this for the next 10 hours. So I can just stop
I'll be okay and much better if I don't do this
#cheeseburgerboy#i am so scared all the time#i don't like it#i think a lot as well#but its no help to me#so i just want to stop#im going to try to do that#but it is very difficult#i don't like the repeating in my head#it doesn't do good things for me#i don't want to remember this or think about it anymore#i don't know how to make it stop#or just ignore it more#i want to#worrying doesn't help me#so then why is it still happening to me
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I mask so well people mistake me for being an extrovert
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god I would be UNSTOPPABLE if I was capable of consistently initiating tasks. just you wait. you'll be waiting a while but just you wait
#executive dysfunction#shitpost#every day I get stuck in waiting mode for SO LONG and SO MANY TIMES#that one time I tried adhd meds it fixed it but then I. was like no I am going to be scared and not continue taking it <3#and also. I simply did not like the psychologist and did not want to have to go back#so. rawdogging the world <3#man if I could start a task right now...then you'd see...then you'd all see....
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i am a being capable of immeasurable love and whimsy
#and also. am a ilittlel kitty :3#mine#cats#brain empy. felt tip cats ONLY#we were promised snow today n then they decided actually :) rain all day for u#i bought new wool for a cardigan today im SO excited its gna be so colourful#i was going to do some sort of Thing on the back like a heart or something but im still too scared to do colour changing stuff#maybe....maybe next time#i think i will try a patter w like. an actual grid with it first rather than just rawdog it#bc i . do not know what im doing :3
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Rory Stewart’s comments on the ageing population… It’s clearly a big problem - how are we going to deal with it?
#I am so scared all the time#I need some hope or someone to tell me which country I should move to and how to get there#uk politics#rory stewart#ageing population#😭😭😭
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i lovee whenever a cool artist pops up in my notifss i fucking yell "how did you find me??" every time.
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august
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#megumi#yuuji#quick bg study based off a picture i took of my mailbox!!! went 2 check the mail thought the light was rly pretty n had a Vision#also fate is cruel and i live surrounded by hydrangea bushes so like . yanno.#exposure therapy and all that#real talk tho i am so well equipped w hydrangea brushes now this took no time at all . u do not scare me anymore.#what did take a long time was getting a fond expression on the TINIEST YUUJI HE IS SO SMALL#HES LIKE 3 PIXELS WIDE#ik its not a char-centric piece but i still wanted his face 2 look okay#and that was so difficult when hes so far in the bg comparatively GJHKGFKJS#i also wanted to caption this w fv lyrics from june gloom#but then i learned that camilla whatshername has a song w th same name and i could not take that risk#my music taste may b questionable but i have standards#anyway uhhhhhh if hell freezes over and some1 recognizes where i live based off itfs loitering by my mailbox pls donot doxx me thank u <3
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ULTRATOBER 17-19 : DESIGN SWAP
#ultratober#ultrakill#gabriel#gabriel ultrakill#art tag#first time posting non tf art in a long time i am not scared at all#didn't plan on doing any prompts since im a relatively new fan but#saw the words “what if gabriel were a machine” and just. instant neuron activation#so you get one (1) prompt fill way past the actual date
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there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so it’s very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that they’re not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world it’s such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously it’s important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might not—“it’s hard! it’s scary! people will make fun of me! it’s useless because there’s too much evil!” are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesn’t get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love
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fear and love and grief and love and love and fear and ever since i started loving i have been so afraid because what if i never get to see the light through the wisps of your hair again and what if i forget the texture of your fingertips and what if every sunrise will pale in comparison to the one in the winter of 2016 and all of this is so exhilarating and i never understood people who skydive until i stopped avoiding your eyes and i never want to feel sure of anything ever again because if i understand how beautiful you are, i’ll never be afraid
#spilled ink#what is grief if not love persevering#i am so scared all the time#and i think it’s beautiful#life is worth being afraid of losing#i am holding on so tight
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so much happened in this whole episode but i’m still on fig infiltrating ruben’s dream, making it look like the place where his friend was murdered, and then disguising herself as kipperlilly & repeatedly saying different variants of “somebody needs to take the fall for this, and it’s not going to be me. it’s going to be you.” while adaine as the elven oracle shows up next to her. can you imagine waking up from that, the idea of a horrible truth being pinned on you by your friend to save her own skin while the personification of fate and destiny stands there, almost as a promise that this is GOING to happen to you. we don’t even know if this kid is guilty. my god.
#fantasy high#dimension 20#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#fantasy high junior year#fig faeth#ruben hopclap#lucy frostblade#the rat grinders#adaine abernant#kipperlilly copperkettle#watching fig terrorize him like girl!!! we don’t even know if he’s guilty!!!!#this might just be for me but i do not think 5 teenagers willingly brutally killed their friend idk#like there just has to be some other element to it and i am very scared to find out what that was#what if they were put in a position where they felt there was/there was no other choice… like oh my god#my comedy brain is having fun but my ‘this is a teenager’ brain is in such deep distress all the time this season#the rat grinders i trust brennan to not make u cartoonishly evil so i am holding u as gently as i can in my confused shaky hands#also with the devil’s nectar i’ve been wondering why they all seem so well-adjusted & now i’m curious if they’ve been intentionally-#changing their memories in a way so that either the trauma is lesser or they think they aren’t guilty. idk#but it seems like from how gertie was talking she was making it more recently so the well adjustedness from early jy doesn’t quite add up#they could have another source maybe??? idk i’m just low stakes 4 a.m. spitballing here#there’s also the strong possibility that they’re aware of what happened but they weren’t the ones who killed lucy. idk who knows#the way you could probably devil’s nectar yourself into believing it wasn’t your fault someone died… CRAZY IMPLICATIONS!!! CRAZY IDEA!!!#anyways the bad kids & the rat grinders don’t ever have to like each other but i do wonder if at least some of those kids deserve a chance
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tranny freak :)
#Negativity#Transphobia#I don't know what to tell you buddy I'm not sure what your goal is here#I am genuinely so much happier like this#Figuring out that I'm a tranny freak has been the absolute best thing ever#All the loved ones who I've come out to have been so welcoming and supportive#I get to experiment with my appearance like I haven't done since my punk days in highschool#And I've always been a weirdo so freak isn't even hurtful that's been a point of pride for decades#What made you want to hurt a stranger buddy#What are you going through#Are you gonna read this and scoff cause I took a troll sincerely#Why are you so afraid of genuine connection#Why are you scared of people#Are you happy with your life right now#Do you like yourself#How much time do you spend doing this#Do you think the negativity might be getting to you#How much time do you spend feeling repulsed scornful and annoyed towards others that you gotta do something about it#I'm really sorry#I used to be a similar kinda angry and that shit taints everything#Idk man I just hope you can see the joy in things someday#There's so much cool and exciting stuff you can find when you start looking for happiness and good intentions#Kinda sad that you're missing out
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“It makes sense why ASGORE took so long to hire a new Royal Scientist. After all, the old one... Dr. Gaster. What an act to follow!” “One day, he vanished without a trace. They say he shattered across time and space.” “Well, I needn't gossip. After all, it's rude to talk about someone who's listening.��
it’s 2024 and i’m drawing undertale fanart of *checks notes* the gaster followers??? yeah sure alright.
((also i know goner kid is monster kid’s sprite but baby alphys intern has my heart))
#undertale#gaster#wd gaster#sans#sans undertale#alphys#goner kid#river person#reaper bird#gaster followers#ficus guy#spider donut guy#art#doodles#digital art#fanart#artists on tumblr#CORE#hotland#room 272#ask me about this goddamn mess#truly a game where i pick the most random npcs#like it makes more sense to me that the gaster followers lost their memories#that’s why they’re all so anxious all the time#ficus guy is too scared to ask for a table!!! spider donut guy is scared of being rude to muffet!!!#alphys?????? that’s a walking dinosaur shaped ball of anxiety right there!!!#reaper bird / gaster follower 3????? i am unsure. that’s a bit of a stretch tbh.#anyways CORE-induced amnesia messes with you#sans remembers obviously. it’s sans. cmon
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decided to draw some of your guys' tags from my harlequin sun and moon post!!! These guys are so much fun and you're all so funny >w<
#there were so many i wanted to draw!!! I might have to go back and do a part two hehe#also too scared to spam everyone by tagging accounts but i need you guys to know i love you all sm!! sending u all so many little kisses!!!#fnaf#fnaf fan art#fnaf security breach#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf dca#dca fandom#dca au#fnaf sun moon#digital art#artist on tumblr#harlequin#clowns#answered asks#<- this doesn't really count but because i am drawing other people's tags i'm putting it here!#folks commenting on my art really motivate me to keep drawing ;w; you are all so insanely sweet and absolutely make my day every time!!! <3#just over here crying akjsfhsf thank you all so mucchhhhhhh ;;w;;
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"Tell me again."
Max hums, moving his hand in slow circles along Daniel's back, feeling his chest move against his side, his face hidden in the folds of Max's t-shirt.
He bows his head, pressing a kiss against Daniel's hair, shifting against the hotel's pillows until he's comfortable again.
"It's going to be sunny," he says, voice low, letting Daniel's curls tickle his lips and nose. "It's going to be sunset, orange, the trees all golden in the way you like."
Daniel's back shifts under his hand, his fingers twisting in Max's shirt.
"We'll be sitting in chairs, because you have old man knees, and would complain about sitting on the floor."
He twists away from the halfhearted poke in his side, then settles back.
"They will be those garden ones, the ones with the straw?"
"Wicker," Daniel corrects him softly, voice scratchy.
"Yes, wicker." He tugs Daniel even closer, not knowing how it is even possible. "With pillows, so you can curl in them like a little cat."
He smooths his hand down Daniel's back, like he does with Sassy, when she stretches out beside him on the bed, similar to how Daniel is now. Does it again when he feels Daniel's shoulders uncurl slightly.
"We will be drinking your weird beers, the expensive ones that taste worse than all the others."
"Craft beer isn't weird," Daniel argues, just like Max was expecting him to. He sounds like there's something stuck in the back of his throat, and Max kisses his hair again.
"It is weird, Daniel. Beer does not need to be that expensive."
He gives him space to reply once more, but Daniel doesn't.
"We will drink your weird beer, and we will talk about that time we ate pasta in your hotel room."
It wasn't just one time, but Max knows he doesn't need to specify. They're both thinking about the same one, illegal spaghetti ordered from room service, hidden from their trainers, sauce on the corner of Max's mouth, cleaned by Daniel's thumb first, Daniel's mouth later. And even if they aren't thinking about the same, it doesn't matter. Every plate of pasta shared, in every hotel room, would matter just as much, stepping stones in their story, just as important as that first kiss.
"And it will be rainy," Max continues, voice even lower. His t-shirt is damp, stretched by Daniel's tense fingers. Daniel's back is shuddering, even when he holds him closer and closer and closer.
"It will rain, and you will have a blanket, because you always get cold, even more when it is humid."
The thing that was in Daniel's throat is in his too now.
"We will talk about how stupid everyone was. We will say it was all unfair. But we will not be angry anymore, because it will not matter anymore."
Daniel's hair smell like Max's shampoo, even if he usually doesn't use it, because he hates how dry it makes it feel. Max can taste salt on the back of his throat as he shifts his head slightly, trying to at least keep his ears dry, now that his cheeks are a lost cause.
Daniel's breathing is a stuttered rhythm against his ribs.
"We will cook eggs," Max pushes on, pressing every word against Daniel's skin, hoping every one feels like the i love you that it is. "Because we will have chickens on your farm, like a real farm, so we will be good at cooking eggs. And you will drink your wine, and sing your songs."
His voice breaks, sudden betrayal, just as Daniel trembles in a sob, but Max pushes through. They've both always known how to push through.
"And I will ask are you happy and you will say yes," he says, making it sound like a promise, because it is a promise. "And we will not regret any of it."
He knows they won't. Not the angry moments, not the painful moments, not the annoying little moments they will never even remember. They will take all of them and throw them into the jar of their lives, little pebbles, and colorful marbles, and shards of glass smoothed out with time and love and distance, all mixed together.
"We will sit on your chairs, and they will have nothing, and we will have us."
He holds Daniel closecloseclose, because he's never learned how to let go of the things he cares about, has always clung to things with his teeth and desire bared, and he has no intention of starting now. He has no intention of starting ever.
Even if this is not the way he wanted things to happen, he doesn't believe in letting go, especially when it comes to Daniel.
He swallows, clears his throat to try and dislodge the tight knot of feelings there, raises a hand to swipe his thumb along Daniel's wet jaw.
"We will have chickens, and a garage full of dirt bikes, and I will ask Grace to teach me how to make the pasta sauce you spilled all over the carpet when you were five."
Daniel nods against his chest, fingers relaxing. His breathing is still uneven, Max's t-shirt is still damp, but he can feel him going lax against him, relaxing bit by bit.
"We will," Daniel murmurs, voice shaky enough it sounds closer to a question.
"We will," Max tells him, firm. Would be happy to tell him again and again, until Daniel's voice doesn't shake on it anymore. "We will eat so much food, and we will become fat, and we will be happy. We will."
Daniel nods again, then shifts, wiggling in Max's hold until he can properly climb on top of him, pointy elbows planted on the bed, above Max's shoulders, trembling fingers tracing the wet lines on his cheeks, red-rimmed eyes soft.
When Daniel kisses him, they both taste like salt, exhaustion and the future.
#i made myself cry and i don't even know if most of this makes sense#but yesterday i was crying because (among other things) i was scared i would not have been able to write again#and today i am writing again even if it's just a little thing#so hey one step at a time#maxiel#my writing#if there are typos blame the tears not me#i only wrote a single i love you in this but i hope you could read it in every line and i hope you know every i love you is for you too#and i hope you know we all will be happy too and we will not regret it and we will sit in the metaphorical tumblr porch#and the higher ups and media will have nothing but we will have them and we will have us#im gonna go be emotional somewhere else now
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the mention of their different dialects and languages immediately had my enraptured
so here's a very quickly drawn comic based on I cannot seem to find a good german equivalent to silly
#linked universe#linkeduniverse#lu hyrule#lu wind#lu four#lu legend#lu time#lu twilight#lu warriors#my art#hii german speakers are there any good translations#unfortunately I am scared of internet strangers and if anyone else in my family still speaks german at all I don't talk to them#from a quick search in japanese it seems the first suggestions are also things like stupid and dumb so like#there's the guys who's hylian can be translated directly into english#and the ones where their hylian is based on japanese instead#which i think leaves a giant gap where there are just going to be things that don't translate well
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