#i am so normal and allistic

[bedrotboy]

[spongebob screaming "i fucking love flowcharts. mindmaps. graphs. visual representations of processes & information!!!!!!!"]

[liminalweirdo]

sometimes allistic people are so weird, someone at this clinic set up four health appointments for me and i have literally no idea what any single one of those appointments are going to be for. the clinic just. set them up, and i'm just gonna... show up to them, i guess.

so now i'm going to show up to an appointment and idek what i'm supposed to expect because there's literally no information? is this a psych assessment? is it a space for me to ask questions? should i treat this as a job interview? are they going to eventually ask me to meet them on the interstate after dark and mug me? idk!

this is mostly a joke post, but things could be made more accessible to autistic people by just giving a LITTLE bit of information on what something's going to be?

like what are you going to do at my MRI, what are you going to do at my first physio appointment? What's going to happen at this queer meetup? i don't fucking know, ever because you weird little allistic guys all just run blindly into anything, apparently, like a domestic animal released into the wild.

you don't know if you're gonna be there 3 hours or 3 weeks, how do you guys know you even brought what you need to survive? there's never any fucking instructions?

[spoonstrek]

My grandparents wrote genealogy books about each of their families. Seeing how they each organized their own books about their own families is this really interesting look into how they both functioned and you can actually feel the autism radiating off the page in my grandpa's books.

[caffeinatedopossum]

Tw suicidal ideation

Everything feels unbearable but I just can't stop acting normal. I'd probably act the same as I do now the day before I kill myself

[unproduciblesmackdown]

fascinating lens on taylor's goings on in s6 there re: Romance. epic win that they have rian turn them down but i'm also really not sure why they did. oh you know, rian who's always defined by being so prudent [montage of actually pretty much everything seemingly defining rian has been pretty anti prudent] like ok w/e

but we start out with taylor Particularly Unmotivated By Work and instead watching a The Bachelor beach proposal which involves extasis through this Reality(tm) pastiche of romance. i am assuming. wherein the journey Ends with this transcendent all-consuming joy upon the realization of said Romance for one contestant. then when their somehow still bestie mafee (relevant tangents about how all taylor's relationships seem to involve their having an approach where they have low standards like "well but i guess this is all i can get / expect" including that they can't even necessarily expect shit they like/enjoy/are at all supported by, while readily accepting whatever blame/reproach from others) is like "gee but are you really happy" they're apparently inspired to pursue happiness by pursuing romance. which they seem to consider is possible only through rian, intriguing here when the entire basis of their dynamic seems to be [trapped in work hell together] like boy we have nothing outside our jobs? i sure hope we can be Everything to each other then :) and how it's even more baffling that rian is completely unbaffled by this development when you might operate on some assumptions like "you should have ever seemed to enjoy any interactions you've ever had" to consider choosing more vulnerability and more time / effort spent on this relationship, and "you also don't need to have Found Fault with someone / otherwise have some grievances or dislike of them to not want to date them" especially if rian's apparent sense of responsibility for taylor's theoretical negative feelings about rejection supposedly doesn't involve thinking about any power dynamics, she just feels the need to repeatedly reassure them she'd actually Love to date or have sex but she's just so set on not dating through work, b/c of the complications, that she's never considered not having casual sex with bosses and also never mentioned this stance to turn down winston nor done anything but revel in how he might feel about even being rejected as a conversational partner. too prudent to mention it. certainly also a relevant matter that it Need Not Be Explained to anyone that winston for one is excluded as a potential Romantic partner for pretty much everyone i guess. whilest as this potential mirror to taylor, he's not only considering specifically rian w/"we're similar; let's hang out; i'd like to have sex maybe even" (though winston's sexuality, like his communicative capacities, is also simply Not Allowed) but also seems to be like "i guess this is all i can get / expect" or hanging on for a long time to the possibility of Otherwise at his own expense or taking blame / whatever pretty egregious treatment like. taylor being willing to talk to wendy still is akin to winston still being willing to talk to rian. though maybe that's changed by the end of s6; it'd be very warranted after the pretty make or break [rian & winston Share An Interest; hang out outside work about it] moment there and also after Everything Else on its own, just like how it'd be very warranted if taylor expecting Nothing Better from wendy could turn into their hardly being willing to interact

anyways, sure is fortunate for taylor (or is it???) that Work becomes more enriching for them suddenly, and through someone with whom they have this promising personal dynamic with, a Peer with whom, in fact, they do both seem to find reward in interacting with each other / want and choose to do so, imagine, while [reiterating for emphasis]: they are both finding reward in interacting and feeling Complementary rather than only seeing exactly themself in each other, while having this respect for each other and flexibility and knowing they don't Have to work together, and may not always be doing so.

but most to the point it sure is something that the season starts off with taylor being dissatisfied with their work situation and responding by not being at work and instead watching people be overjoyed about their (also, relevantly, Peak Normal Correct Cishet) romance, though they don't outright claim to straightforwardly enjoy this. then they Do outright claim to us repeatedly, if ever begrudgingly, that everything rian does is worthy &/or sympathetic (and totally comprehensible and consistent so as to believably retain any sense of Character....) while every time they interact, it's a business meeting and one or both of them is unhappy about some part of it. but then once taylor's asked to think about their happiness Beyond Work they apparently are simply motivated to go ask someone out, and it may as well be rian For Lack Of A Better Option really, but then there's the wrench of "for some reason rian is unsurprised and not at all put off by this, or even just somewhat confused" and "for some reason rian's like 'sorry but no. fr im soooo sorry'" with these perspectives of [happiness Outside Work = romance] and [someone deemed Objectively Worthy = you'd of course at least consider romance, or else you must think actually they're Unworthy in some way, or have some more general Reason you'd reject others categorically in just the same way] (rian rejecting winston for unworthiness so much that she doesn't even need to bother actually telling him as much; rejecting taylor for [i don't date through work] with followups to reassure them it's Not the unworthiness) (that on and off paper winston & taylor have no reason to not be kissing but i think we can assume that won't happen, b/c billions itself may also assume we understand that [winston is unworthy] is just true. &/or that anyone Worthy understands as much)

so hoping that taylor has Some kind of enriching lasting relationship with philip, truly, which was the hopes for winston and rian but the updated hope is his enriching lasting disengagement with rian, f

[auroras-void]

I realized this, like looking back I've been annoying as shit. But then I decided that actually who cares if I was annoying, everyone's annoying sometimes, it's part of being human. My friends are annoying sometimes, my girlfriend can be too actually, but you know what I figured out? I can still love them not just in spite of that, but *because* of it, because I love *all* of them, and being annoying is a part of *everyone*. And not to mention if I need to I can also just talk to them like a fucking adult.

The real secret is realizing that actually, I was never the problem, I just needed better friends who knew how to use their goddamn words to communicate with me, and who would have me do the same for them. All I ever needed to learn was how to ask for that.

"Read the room" room is bullshit, and it always has been, the answer has always been "Speak clearly", even in situations when everyone present actually knows how to do the former.

Once you have that, you get the last realization. Which is that actually, I trust my friends to love me for who I am and communicate their boundaries to me when necessary... So you know what? I am going to become *more* annoying, *on purpose*, because I know doing so does not make me any less worthy of love. No more hiding behind masks so thick they make my RAADS-R score look normal. I am going to be me and I am going to love myself for it, all else be damned.

That's what I love about this scene. Yes, it's painful to watch, but at the same time it's triumphant, because Laios is hearing all this and responding to it with a deep seated understanding of himself, he knows without even a moment of hesitation that he has never been in the wrong for being himself.

I'm (probably) not even autistic* myself... so I've been on both sides of this exact conflict even... which is why I can say with such confidence that Shuro deserved every bit of what he got for starting shit unnecessarily instead of acting like an adult.

every autistic person watching this episode of dungeon meshi:

[ileftherbackhome]

the QUICKEST way to set me off is to accuse me of doing some shit I'm not doing and then pretending like ur "calling me out" because "u want to have a reasonable discussion" on god, i hope u die.

[firefly-fez]

what no one tells you about autism is that befriending a new autistic person is a process of learning their own unique language of love. are they comfortable with eye contact? physical touch? hugs or no hugs? special interest? what textures do they like? should we converse about the special interest or just spend some time with limited conversation just vibing in each other’s company? for neurotypicals there’s like this boring standardized List of Rules that you Have to Follow Or Else! but for my autistic friends out there the rules don’t apply!! they way they connect is each so unique and personal to them that the discovery of getting to know a new person ceases to be this laborious task of following Social Rules until you get comfortable enough to do away with them, but with autistic ppl you get to throw away the stupid rule book right from the get go and embark on a personal adventure of friendship anew, like there’s a secret language you’re uncovering and evey time you successfully connect you feel that magic of blossoming friendship tenfold. shoutout to all my autistic homies out there, you’re not weird, you’re not a burden, there’s nothing wrong with the way that you specifically connect with others and actually i have decided that it is beautiful ✨ ✨

what no one tells you about being autistic is people just don’t like you. maybe you make friends, but they get tired of you fast. even if you’re not actively bullied, your peers just…. don’t pay attention to you. something about you is offputting and weird to mostly everyone, and you literally cannot stop it no matter how hard you try.

[taraxacum-vulpes]

shakes violently

[mercutio-venus]

i saw the tv glow today.

owen is not just isabel she is also autistic. please, please, you have to listen to me she is autistic she is begging for people to listen she is begging for people to understand her. she knows she is not right she knows she is not right aside from her gender she can tell and it hurts. "look me in the eyes for once" she CAN'T i can't we can't it is not possible living not just in a cisgender world but an allistic world will kill us. we will die trying to mask ourselves we will die knowing we are not normal. you have to transition- you have to unmask. you not only have to unmask you have to find other autistic people and find joy with them. please, please, please transition. cut or grow your hair. change your name. change your pronouns. start the hormones. i have so many people in my life i want to sit in front of this movie and say, do you get it? do you see? i am begging you, please, please come with me. bury yourself alive with me, we have to get out. i love you, please wake up. you are dying. i am maddy i am tara i am begging you. i will love you i will accept you i will not force your eyes to mine i will understand what you are unable to say. please come with me. there is still time.

[vanderdyks]

I geniunely cannot stand when allistics try to say Resident Alien is actually making fun of autistic people because they believe Harry is too childish now because I JUST-

In the beginning, Harry tried SO MUCH HARDER to fit in with the humans around him. He mimicked their speech patterns, consistently observed them, emersed himself in their activities so they wouldn't suspect he was different.

The Harry now? He doesn't care. He's loud in places he should be quiet. He talks how he wants. He laughs FREELY. He's learned large crowds of people? Not for him. He doesn't like being touched by strangers.

He's just Harry. Himself. Because he can be. Because he's realized even if some of the people of Patience find him strange, it doesn't matter. They'll never guess he's from outer space.

Have you noticed that every other alien we have seen is not like Harry? Not the greys, or the half human hybrids, not even Heather. When Heather is around humans who know she is an alien, we get to see the difference, but when she isn't? She fits in so well with any other neurotypical human.

Not Harry though. So yes, he is autistic because I said he is. Because I am autistic. And if you're allistic, you don't get to tell autistic people they shouldn't headcanon Harry as autistic (even though it is very obvious they're purposefully playing him as neurodivergent now.)

When you take an autistically coded character that a lot of autistic individuals relate to, and try to argue the character is actually a "child" and being "infantalised," you're actually being ableist.

You're saying that the traits we have resonated with are childish... Harry seems like he's "regressed" because instead of trying to adapt and pretend to be human, he is becoming something else entirely. Not human, but not fully alien either.

The body of doctor Harry Vanderspeigle was once just a disguise. Now it IS Harry's. It's his body, his own skin. And he's gotten comfortable in it and you know this because you deliberately witness times where he might be holding his hands like he would his claws (primarily when he's sleeping.) His brain doesn't realize he's not in his normal form, because in many ways, this is his new normal form.

He has emotions. He cares. He's in completely new territory and finding himself. And in doing so, that carefully crafted human mask? It's fallen a bit.

So that thing you label as "regression" is a thing I label as progress. He's learning still. Let him learn. Let him be. And give it time. And I hope to GOD Harry never becomes fully human to the point we can't recognize him. I hope he never loses his unique inflictions, or his love for pizza and pie. I hope he continues to love the quiet. I hope he ALWAYS laughs obnoxiously. I hope he always runs like he doesn't know what to do with his limbs. I hope you always see his emotions throughout his body because they simply cannot be contained. I hope he continues to jump when excited or pace when he's angry. I hope he stays obsessed with Law & Order forever.

Because if you take all that away, you're taking away the bits that make him Harry. You want a carbon copy human. I want the autistic alien struggling to understand human nature.

That being said, of course you can express your opinion him. And it can be discussed because everyone is going to have a different perspective.

But you don't get to dictate an autistic perspective if you are not autistic. Or try to cancel anyone for it either.

I love Harry. And I relate to him SO MUCH. And I love how much representation I can see him through him for me. Because I personally believe Alan and the writers have chosen to keep presenting this character as ND.

It's okay to dislike the direction of his character development. It's okay to find the flaws. It's okay to share that perspective. What's NOT okay is dictating the feelings of others because they might not agree with you.

I don't find him childish. I see him as an autistic individual trying to navigate a society that his brain hasn't been hardwired to understand.

And if you think he's too childish, please look closer at the why you think he is. Really be introspective on this one.

Because Harry is a parent. And has a child. And he has relationships. And he takes care of himself. Not only that, he is the town doctor and takes care of everyone else too. He is the smartest. He is the strongest. None of the characters have had to worry about the wellfare of Harry specifically. Its why no one realizes the greys have captured him. Because of course Harry would be fine, hes the alien expert. He knows what he's doing. So while everyone else spent so much time worrying about each other, no one was left to worry about Harry.

So ask yourself why you believe Harry has become "too childish" and if your answer comes down to any of his quirky traits or his misunderstandings of human nature, then you really need to consider if what you're actually uncomfortable with is autism/autistic traits.

[2boldlyqueer]

i just spent five minutes walking around my home trying to find my space heater muttering "where is the warm boy? My boy where is he where is his warmth"

Tell me stuff please please tell me stuff

[spectrumgarden]

So theres a small number of autistic adults & caregivers to autistic teens I like to watch on YouTube & because of that I sometimes get more videos reccomended like that. Today it was a short video of an allistic sibling helping her autistic sister with something, paired with "happy" music. I thought it was okay. Nothing amazing nothing awful. The music was a bit much but whatever. But the comments actually made me feel so upset and idk.

A large amount were people talking about their autistic kids or relatives and assuring the original poster of the video that her child will grow up "fine" and get a job and a partner etc just like their child did. "With love and patience they can be normal adults" or something.

This video wasnt a discussion about her future employment, her possible future relationships, ... it was simply supposed to be a cute moment between siblings. But people had to make it about devaluing "unworthy" disabled life again, those of us that cant work, that struggle to find partners. If you thought there was nothing wrong with us, why would you want to assure the mother her kid doesnt have to end up like us? Wont end up like us?

I dont work. I have never worked. I am not a worse person than your autistic child who does. I am not worth less. I am nothing to be feared. I am nothing to hide. If you actually gave a fuck about autistic people you wouldn't talk about random autistic kids like that.

[bluebedo]

STEPHANIE BROWN guys idk if I've ever mentioned but I actually love Stephanie Brown a normal amount I am so normal and allistic about her it's unreal... Slowly learning to draw muscles too. Slowly. I refuse to draw proper hands tho

The main song I imagined her dancing to was Die Young by Kesha 💪��� (ironic I know)

Previous: Duke Thomas !!

Next: Jason Todd 😍

[earthytzipi]

hm. gotta be honest, i don't understand why people characterize donnie as hiding his emotions in fandom. I feel like, maybe it's just a misunderstanding of autism in general? so here, have an internet-speak version of a character analysis:

first, you guys need to know that alexithymia makes it so you're not processing your emotions. which can fool you into thinking you don't have them at all, even if you're actively demonstrating emotions. and this can contribute to flat affect, especially if you only have a flat affect on occasion.

I would not say it's common for people with alexithymia to be deliberately hiding emotions. I'm not even sure it's possible for a lot of us, honestly. if all I can identify is "bad," at best, how am I supposed to smoothly hide my emotions behind an inscrutable expression? if that happens, it's not on purpose.

donnie definitely has alexithymia. see:

donnie has never once in canon tried to hide his emotions, at least to my knowledge. he never shows signs of being embarrassed by genuine emotion- surprised, maybe, but not embarrassed. hiding them is not something someone whose: "oh, uh, I'm really... sad?," the best he can do to mimic an emotion he's not feeling, would be able to do. he's canonically a terrible liar, too: "what??! I said mystic-free!!"

if nothing else, "I don't normally feel things but that one got through" should be an indicator that he's not hiding his emotions. it's, again, not that he isn't *having* them (he so is) but that he's not *processing* them as emotions.

I'm not sure if this is just another "allistic and autistic people have a serious communication barrier where both sides fail to understand the other," or what. I would just love to stop seeing that characterization in fandom 😅 also GIFS! to prove my point. a character who was unfeeling/deliberately hiding their emotions would not be like... this whole situation:

[uboatheflesh]

Here's me recording/performing of empathy shield live on Behind The Mirror, RTR 92.1 FM on the 24th of August 2023. photos by alt.live.perth (Jess).

Set was a little shorter due to the radio time constraints. Also gave a brief interview (the interview on the site was done beforehand over email, theres also a pre-mastered version of empathy on there, I only spoke briefly after the set on radio). Again, empathy shield was completely improvised based on carefully pre-selected sound design elements. Done in the middle of autistic burnout, where I could barely speak on radio due to slowly going into verbal shutdown . Luckily my tour hosts Jess and Amir were absolutely supportive and got me through it.

I went on to play this show a few days in later, also in borloo/perth at the Badlands Bar. It used a lot of the same elements of empathy shield. I have a few feelings about it.

After the end of my set, I had a total verbal shutdown as soon as I got off stage and snuck back into the green room.

Worse, I managed to break the zip on my dress (got caught in the mesh I was wearing) and was stuck in it for 20 minutes before I had to ask a band for a shirt to cover the broken top half. Then several old perth friends I had not talked to in ages came in to talk to me only to find me simply unable to say hi back. I felt terrible about it. Indeed, I was in a terrible state. However - everybody around me there understood. A fellow autistic woman even gave me a fidget spinner. Even if I didn't use it (weirdly too overwhelmed to stim?), I kinda happy cry every time I think about that somebody even offered one to me non-judgementally. Only a few years ago would I have seen as a ridiculous r*tard baby for being a 'professional musician' who does this, but now it's ...its treated kinda like normal. Wish I had this kind of understanding growing up before I was diagnosed. Now, I am never the only ND at the gigs I play. Indeed, the NT's are usually the minority at them. Then theres the fact that so many other (and more well-known) musicians are being open about their autism (like Ethel Cain or Justin Broadrick) which would also be unthinkable years beforehand. It genuinely warms my heart. This is why I am loud, proud and cringe about my neurodivergence now. I don't want to be repeatedly traumatised by it anymore based on misunderstandings that we autists inevitably get, or failing to meet allistic standards. Every time I see a fellow autist get horridly traumatised because somebody (usually NT) got the ick it fucking hurts. Or when they blame themselves for failing to meet arbitrary allistic standards and fall into a horrible depression for not being 'normal'. It hurts even more if its a fellow autistic transfeminine person. I wish I could do more about it, like psychology or social work - but music is what I am stuck doing for the time being, so I'll try to do what I can here. Hence several upcoming songs /records (including the two Roadburn commissioned original compositions) neurodivergence takes a central role. It's lame, but sometimes its good to be lame. Sometimes it's necessary. We have a long way to go, but its also important to remember we have also come a long way too.

/gen