#i am so goddamn tired i love them
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spuffy doodles
#spuffy#spike x buffy#buffy the vampire slayer#btvs#my art#sarah michelle gellar#james marsters#please dont repost#i am so goddamn tired i love them#look at this#spuffy art again lmao#im abt to become more annoying#btw theres bonus art/doodles on instagram#things i couldn't put on the pages
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I am exhausted, good heavens.
#hey watch this neat trick I can do [cries]#love that for me#BUT#BUT- the actual EFFORT I put these days to not make a suicide jokes is *chefs kiss* phenomenal#actively shitting bricks as I physically have to stop myself from saying I want a car to hit me for the 50th time that day#I am not progressing any more than I am downgressing or whatever the opposite word is. but girlies#and boysies and peepsies#my lipgloss is popping and my eyebags are gucci- and so I shall prevail#MAN this tiredness is BONE DEEP man- it's like it's engraved into my goddamn clavicles#sorry that was like the only bone name I could remember- I don't even know what a clavicle is#anyways- I need to fall asleep forever and never wake up. But not in like a dying way#I just need to stop waking up tired and being tired and going to sleep tired and living tired like GIRL#WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN SLEEP STOPS SLEEPING#I JUST SLEPT 10 HOURS HOW ARE YOU STILL TIRED#I am so tired that i stopped liking shit- like that SUCKS my dudes#I sometimes Don't Like art now and that is WILD to me because that was lowkey the One Thing that got me going#I used to actually LIKE english class! and reading Shakespear and shit!!!! and history class!! Now I don't!! Where did the spark go??????#Now everything feels like a chooooooore and it sucks major dick#and my graaaades are slipping because I stopped giving a damn but I NEED. TO. GIVE. A. DAMN#because those are like highkey lowkey and every-other-key my grades and I need them to go into uni so I don't die <333#I need to spite little mini me who said I wasn't going to live past 13 because BITCH- guess how old I'm turning next week????????#THAT'S RIGHT- 17 YEARS OLD- FUCK YEAH BABY I'M STILL NOT DEAD#SUCK MY BIG ASS SHLONG MINI-ME#and then I have a big biology exam the day after so- funnnnn!!#anywho- should I tag this as vent? this probably counts as vent right? like among us? impostor and shit?#sorry I think my brain is actively rotting out of my ears right now#vent post#personal vent#tw vent#tw sui talk
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I’m allowed one (1) vent of the colossal amounts of pressure my body and mind are under per month and i usually do my best to bury it in the early hours of the morning, so now that i’ve provided this valuable and important context:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#my stuff#i need to be beaten to death i need to be eaten alive i need to be slashed and stabbed and burned to ash#nothing i do will ever EVER be enough to make up for the existential guilt that gnaws at my soul#i’m hungry i’m tired i’m stressed about work and the safety and well-being of my family and friends#i miss my goddamn ex over a year after the end of a 6 month relationship like a pathetic wretch#i will never be pretty the way i wanted to be as a child and can only make myself enough of a freak that i don’t care#i want to be brutally harmed so the flesh of my body will show a fraction of the damage i feel inside#these wounds do not heal no matter how much i try to treat them with friendship and food and music and life#it is all insufficient. i was not supposed to live this long.#i try every day to be kind and to make the world a better place so that maybe just maybe i can say i earned the right to live that day#it never feels like enough. it probly never will#i’m so angry i’m so sad i feel incurable lonely no matter how much time i spend with friends#as soon as the call is over or i head home the darkness washes right back in and i feel like an abandoned cat on the roadside again#i want everything to be okay. It��s not right now#i want everyone i love to be warm to be safe to have enough to eat but I AM NOT GOD#i can’t fix everything no matter how much it makes me writhe inside#i’m a broke fucking grad student with a useless fucking project and they should bury me alive in the field research camp#perhaps a vegetable would cause less despair
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i am so goddamn tired of every single fantasy story being about men. i am so goddamn tired of women being side characters and love interests and set dressing and an afterthought. i am so goddamn tired of women who are powerful but feminine. women who are "dressed to kill" and they are wearing eyeliner and a dress and heels. i am so goddamn tired of women always being healers and having water magic. i am so goddamn tired of men going on adventures and dying nobly. i am so goddamn tired of never being able to find a story about women that i can fall in love with. i am so goddamn tired of all fandom being about men.
#i have spent the past several weeks becoming increasingly upset about this#hannibal? men. lotr/the hobbit? men. stargate atlantis? men. dragon age inquistion? men. one piece? men.#the handful of superhero's i periodically read about? men. transformers? men. every goddamn anime i've ever loved? men.#the witcher? men. fantasy anachronism? men. literally every single fantasy adventurer series? men.#it's men and men and men and men and men and men and men and men#i just want ONE. one single goddamn story about women that is as well written and well made and as deep as everything else#i want ONE story about a women or women who are noble and honorable and fight in the face of impossible odds#and i don't want them to be pretty and small and feminine#make them hairy and fat and muscular and tall and wear steel toed boots and carry swords and fight monsters and sleep in the woods#and eat stew and carry heavy packs for long distances and be intelligent and sneaky and cowardly and fearful and brave#make them laugh and cry and scream and fall in love and write poetry and books and songs#make them wrestle and pick on each other and pull each others hair and sit around campfires#MAKE THEM GODDAMN PEOPLE#there are books out there about women going on adventures. they exist. i've read some#but they are not the majority and they never get big#and so many end up being poorly written or a romance or a combo of the two#i don't WANT to have to read genderbends just to read about women#i don't want to scroll tumblr and just see men on my dash#all i have ever wanted my whole life is to be a fantasy adventurer. and none of them. not ONE of them looks like me#i am tired of watching youtube critiques of fantasy shows/movies/stories and them just shitting on the women characters#i am just so tired of it
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I'm the [tumblr] person who overuses comments in tags.
[tumblr] autosaved my tags even though I used them once.
Look in the tags and have a laugh.
(Possible tag game?) @author-of-the-year @jenumarts @thonethatflies620 @iamunabletothinkofablogname @ all my mutuals
#yeah i would've done something about it but now it's too late#he is not happy to be there.#why torture me like this#why all are my favorite characters evil???#like bro why does it sound so ominous#“fedora kink” bro wtf#why is the universe so cruel#you're that mutual that i don't even know why i followed you#and i never played deltarune so idk why i am even doing this#why can't i have them#i like to imagine that humanity wasn't started by adam but by lucifer bc why not#uh is it not normal to chew on nonedible things?#damn i can't do russian or italian because those were already done#also pigeons? damn when i'm at a city i usually chase them#oh my goodness i love this#this is why i love this deer man <3#i love this deer man (aroace ically)#the autism is autisming#goddamn my femboy obsession is acting up#why is everybody i see autistic these days??? wait i think i might be neurodivergent nvm#nah cause why is he trying so hard lmao#don't ask me how i know#so i usually stay up late on my computer until i'm tired enough to finally go to sleep and not wait hours in bed doing nothing
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I CANT I CANTTTTTTT I WILL LITERALLY EXPLODE RJIKNHGKRSBKFUCKNHJHFBNJEA JFHBAEJHBFJHBHBHBHBHBBAZHJDBAJHDBAJKHBDJKNA????A//////!?!!!!!!!!??!!???!?!?!??!! I CANNOT I LITERALLY NOT THE CAN I CANTTTTTT RAUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
#⚠️WARNING⚠️TAGS R SUPER FUCKING LONG I NEEEEED TO RAMBLE ABOUT LOVE AND DEEPSPACE I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS#SUGGESTIVE ART? NSFW? LITERAL GODDAMN PORN? LIGHT WORK NO REACTION#POV ROMANTIC OTOME GAME SHIT WITH THE TINIEST HINT OF SPICE??? I CANNOT ITS TOO MCUH I ITS AUGHHH IM JNUHJHFUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK#IM LIKE FUCKING PLAYING THIS GAME WITH A HAND COVERING MY EYES WHILE PEEKING ITS TOO MUCH#I AM LOOKING AWAY EVERY SECOND IM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FUCKUNGBHGJGHJHGHGBJJH#I HATE HATE HATEEEEE (not rly) IT WHEN THEY GET NEAR U ITS AUGH ITS SO WEIRD I PUT MY PHONE FURTHER AWAY FROM ME OUT OF EMBARASSMENT#SOMETIMES I LOSE MY IMMERSION AND GET SELF AWARE AND THINK TO MYSELF THIS IS SO FUCKING WEIRD... THIS IS WHY I DONT PLAY OTOME GAMES DUDE#like no hate to otome games its just way too much for me i get way too embarassed abt playing them its def a me thing#ok first of all the combat is p ok actually it reminds me of pgr and hi3 altho i like pgr better :] (lee my beloved)#i did burst out laughing when i found out abt it cause i thought it would be like mysme and its just visual novel shit but its really okay#also i did a bit of thinking as to why i dont find the charas super appealing & its cause theyre obv manifactured to b 'the perfect guy'#like you know how pugs were bred to be cute but end up deformed and stuff? yea kinda like that#im not saying theyre deformed but thats the vibes im getting#deformed pug vibes#the jp vas are pulling thru though#ALSO I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF GACHA pleaseee i alr play hsr + gi + /occasionally/ pgr and stopppp i hate the gamba aspect of the games#AND IM NOT JUST SAYING THAT BC I DIDNT GET THE CARD I WANT#.................. OKAY SO MAYBE I DIDNT GET WHAT I WANT THE POINT STILL STANDS#i like them (reluctantly) all so far ? idk no one is rlly my fav yet tbf im still at ch. 2 so..#theyre all cute ig zayne is nice maybe i dunno i like his shoulders......? hes very cold tho cause haha ice powers#i call him elsa in my head#xaiver is also nice? hes cute? hes sleepy n shit#rafayel is kinda goofy? aloof? but in the 'she's so crazzzzzzzzzy! i love her!' way (look it up if u dont know) and im not super into that#hes the one whimpering though so it is what it is#overall i think ill keep playing until i get the card i want ill also prolly play it on my laptop instead cause its super laggy on my phone#idk how ill deal with the combat part tho but thats a problem for future me lolol#okay yea idk if anyone is still reading this but i dont want my irls to know that im playing this game so here we r#idk why im using the tags to ramble its way more fun like its more casual i think#OKAY YEA BYE#frambling...?
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#My parents are yelling at me and expecting that wow! It'll help my education#What if i just exploded#Fucking hell#I'm so fucking tired#What am i supposed to do!#And my mother keeps comparing me to people she hates#I'm sorry i just I'm so fucking tired!!!!#I can't do this#Being yelled at and sworn at every single day just because I'm there because I'm an easy target#And I'm supposed to live for this?? And for their ideal???? What the fuck#And I'm supposed to pick up the pieces after and pick myself up again after they've just bullied me#Fucking hell I'm so tired!!#And#The slurs and swearing my mother uses against me#Like I'm so tired#So tired of this shit#I'm so sorry i did the stupid thing of being born i guess!#I'm so sorry you decided to have kids because you thought they were just slaves to run about and make them do whatever#I feel so so loved by my parents!!!! :D#And you know the worst thing now#An hour of them shouting and swearing later#I just have to dust myself off#Pretend my souls not being ripped out#And go back to work because the fucking exam won't wait!#Goddamn what's the point of living if it's like this#Tw vent
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This somehow only took me five days to finish
This scene is actually important to the plot of my story lmao
#photoshop#art#oc art#deltarune oc#lovesan#welchia#deltarune au#utdr#second life deltarune au#deltarune chapter 2#deltarune ch 2#Gradys OCs#oc#my ocs#original character#digital art#my art#i am so tired#motion and rotational blurs are hard#but goddamn i love the effect#it was really hard to figure out the lighting augh#also I accidentally made welchia look like mcu daredevil in the black outfit#ngl tho it fits them pretty well#I should make other outfits for lovesan bc i have too many pieces of them wearing the same exact outfit over n over again#lovesan sl#lovesan second life#welchia sl#welchia second life
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If I could change one thing in my life I'd make it so no one ever commented on food
#elias.zip#im so fucking tired of it!!! joking or not its fucking degrading. just constantly. i get it im so fucking unhealthy all i eat is processed#chemical slop thats gonna kill me at 30 and im the unhealthiest person in the fucking work#world* you dont need to fucking remind me every goddamn day. even the comments that arent bad still make me feel likr shit for eating!!! i#already feel really bad about how poorly i eat. i literally cannot fucking starve myself more basically over this kind of comment.#like damn!!! i sure do have a lot of body issues for someone whos skinny WHY am i even complaining in the first place likr i used to fucking#hate my stomach and its noy when#even* big and i think its gone down bc i eat even less now!!! i cannoy make ANYONE happy no matter what i do or what i cook its always comme#nt comment comment in everything i fucking do. i swear to god im never going to fucking recover from living with them. i would've run away i#f i grew up with them im serious#negative#ihateithereihateithereihateithere#nothing's working out. i csnt make friends. i csnt keep them. im a fucking deadbeat im just like my dad in every conceivable way no ones pr#oud of me no matter what i do and i fucked myslef from any opportunity i had to get out of the system what is the fucking point#i jsut dont knoe anymore!!!!!! its not like the Future even looks good or that i see myself anywwhre but in the exact same spot because all#i ever fucking manage to achieve is self sabotage and whining about how no one loves me. god!!!!!
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I just read a goodreads book review that made me angrier than any inconsequential thing has made me in a WHILE. I loved the book, and I'm not a good critic of novels (or anything); I'm decent at analysis to be fair, but I like a read or I don't (on a spectrum of course).
But good goddamn, this review reeked with pretension and was written like the most unbearable food or music critic's diatribes. Adult character is lost in life, makes stupid choices out of grief/running away from issues/thinking distance from community will help/doesn't act logically as a character in a horror plot? Childish and not very bright! A large bustling family coming together for a major cultural and spiritual threat and asking the same damn questions over and over again, repeating the same arguments, etc.? Tiresome and muddled! Bro is your family (bio or chosen) totally chill? Have you never at least seen (in media or in others' lives) annoying family members beating dead horses for days on end out of concern and love and lack of knowing how else to help???
Dude I dunno, it just felt like legitimate criticisms one might have if they dislike a book or parts of its structure, but then those criticisms were a molehill buried beneath a mountain of hating some super fuckin' flawed characters making wild and awful choices in a time of grief and isolation. Screaming!!!!
#this was a review about Bad Cree by Jessica Johns which i gave five stars btw#i am unreasonably pissed lmao#it was like...just. gripes for the sake of bitching and being unhappy woth a short read that didn't hit typical horror benchmarks. dumb.#it's about multiple generations of cree women in the same family and naturally had a LOT to do with the cumture#and experiences and practices and just. daily lives of cree women mixed with A Horror Plot#but i was still sooo reminded of the chaos and aggravation and love and power and hurt and again love#of when the women on my mom's side of the family congregate#and the connections and rifts and stories memories legends among us all that get passed around rather than#passed down because it all feels so circular. we all repeat ourselves endlessly lmao#like this made me yearn for my family because i saw and felt them in this cast of characters#i'm not indigenous or canadian but i still saw myself and my family in this book and it was such a unique experience#bc it was so goddamn familiar in the midst of learning about this horror plot and how it mixed with cree culture#im emotional and tired and not explaining myself well. but JESUS i cannot wait for Johns to publish her next work#ann with an ie
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what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group
#bye ignore my venting bigger problems what fucking ever#im sick of her ass she only messages us for us to help her with her fucking girlfriend problems like we arent even friends atthis fckn point#and i love her shes so funny whatever but god shes literally the worst because i just want to be friends i dont fucking care ab her goddamn#selfish ass gf thats shes obsessed with. be obsessed tell me about it but cant we be friends ab other stuff too#we used to be her 'favorite friend' cause we shared so many interests and we hung around what fucking ever but fuck that right#get a gf and just use us to help better yalls relationship without even telling her you're sharing her private msgs w us huh yeah sure#what fucking ever im so done with this bitch and i cant even get my contacts out cause i have long nails and im js poking my eye#AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE SORRY if our friendship fell apart she would tell everyone i was jealous of her gf or what ever i literally dont care#she was like an older sister before i dont get why getting a gf would have to change shit like ok good for u but what ab us#what about me its not even fucking fair like is it that hard to keep up w ur friends?? NO its fucking not#taking me so long to write a post bc im still fucking helping her with her stupid dumb selfish idiotic gf omfg#just BREAK UP i literally dont fucking care just leave her if she makes u unhappy its literally online tf is she gonna do to u nothing omfg#why am i the one being punished when shes the one with the stupid dumb gf that hates her and herself i dont fucking care i js want m friend#and i cant tell any of our mutual friends cause she dont do that to them its js me so itd be like im being dramatic#and like shit i guess i am but i dont care atp thats all she ever talks to me ab like ok i get it i helped u but stop jfc#but if i said that we'd never talk again bc what fucking ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause im just dramatic whatever#if u cant resolve these simple problems of communication on ur own then maybe u shouldnt be in a relationship idk js my thoughts! die#sry the 1 person who knows what xactly i mean is asleep and im so tired of getting late night msgs being like hii can u help me SHUT UP#id love to help if we were actually still fucking friends but we arent so js leave me alone bruh#post#nickpost#will delete in morning my mom keeps telling me to put my phone down bt i need 2 say smfh 2 some1#i hate change i hate slight differences in my normal day to day i hate everything i hate not having smth to rely on i hate change i hate it#sry im alg now im js sick of her ass js leave bruh#nimbhe my moms yelling im tired anyway i need to js isolate myself forever no problems if im on an island alone#living my best life in the shade drinking idk water or whatever and just talking to myself bc who even needs friends right!!!!!!!!#its 11:11 make a wjsh#adding more cz whatever im deleting this ltr anyway#its so clear where i stand with everyone cause its always close but not close enough friendly but not friends and i guess its the same w her#bye im out of tags etc whatever nobody matching my freak ever never comfortable in any friendships
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google search how to stop being so autistic because i'm apparently ruining my friendships by acting like an asshole and having no idea and i'm already so fucking exhausted
#my post#vent#like i don't think people get it lol#how fucking exhausting it is to have a million programs open in my head every time i have a fucking conversation#how i leave every fucking conversation wondering if everyone thinks i'm a massive dick#and it turns out that wow i was right to think that! just when i think i'm doing better apparently no i'm not!#it feels like the rules change every second and i don't know how everyone can just fucking GET it#like i'm trying i'm really fucking trying and apparently i'm not trying hard enough even though i'm so fucking tired#saw someone discuss this#how she feels the constant processing and the feeling over never being able to catch up is why autistic people kill themselves#and honestly yeah i agree because how the fuck am i supposed to fucking live like this#i dunno i'm just. tired#being like this just makes me want to not speak to anyone#hell maybe people would prefer it that way#i don't blame them i just wish people would understand it's so goddamn fucking hard and i'm so tired all the time#idk i'm being a lil bitch right now and i don't know what to do i just needed to vomit this out#peace and love and back to our regularly scheduled programming
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i think you should get double vacation. normal amount of time for vacation and an equal match to recover from that vacation.
#i am. so goddamn tired.#i love my family and i am so thankful to get to spend time with them. i also have not had a moment of peace since 9:30 am
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@mondscheinprinzessin
LAURA LAURA LAURA
.... I might need to revise my meme. I haven't even slept yet but all this song makes me want to do is... idk, get better? Rob a bank and be able to pay for therapy and go get better? Get better and go to their concert and dance and sing along to the "oh damn it will get better even if I have to claw my way to it with my bare hands" song?
#what is happening. i haven't slept yet and I'm overwhelmed with university and other stuff and mental health and whatnot#and still laura's buam are not making me cry but actually.... give me a vague sense of oh damn yeah it can get better and on god it WILL#even if i have to claw my way to it#hold on that might just be a quote from a tv show. which one was it. a woman saying it to someone about someone else#uuuuuuuh#oh. shadow of bones; nina saying she'll claw her way to a happy end if she has to#damn laura your boys are not making me cry when i'm tired what is happening#tell them to keep it up#how do i rework that meme now#well not now. now i need to get back to that goddamn stupid paper and somehow find 1600 more words to bullshit in#but in the evening today maybe#not like i should write another paper then that's also already overdue but hey. we know me by now#mine#lauras buam#lonely spring#sad weather kids#the line i wasn't ready for a line that is so challenging still stabs me though#i would once again like to have the energy and time to try to draw something. not sure what with that line but. something.#brudi i'm doing worse every day how is this not making me cry but actually making me happy wth is happening#is this like when pets get a last burst of energy and love before they die? am i about to crash really badly as soon as i've handed in my#papers?#yeah yeah i'd say sorry for the tag rambling but it's my tags and we know by now i'm not capable of shutting the fuck up
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to everyone recommending the last of us to me: i’m sorry but i can never watch that show simply out of spite
#this is not a rag on anybody watching and enjoying it btw!!!#but god working in entertainment i am so exhausted having big shows (usually hbo ones)#shoved down my goddamn throat for months#so much so that even if i wanted to watch them i want nothing to do with them#it’s exhausting hearing your coworkers rave about something usually just because there’s hype around it#and then having to fight tooth and nail to get a pitch accepted about a smaller show that isn’t getting as much attention#like not everything has to be a fucking popularity play!!!#there’s reasons why I’ve been so loud about Willow on here since it premiered#because I’m tired of stuff I love getting drowned out by the noise of apocalyptic shit like TLOU#(all this exacerbated by the fact that I am genuinely tired of seeing pedro pascal’s face)#(he’s a great actor but his fanbase burned me the fuck out on his work forever)#props to everybody involved and who’s enjoying it but I will be ignoring it#in favor of rewatching Willow and Mozart in the Jungle for the fifth times thanks#maggie.txt
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Thanks OP i needed this
I think it should take longer to make tv shows and movies. I think shooting days should be shorter. I think AD's lives should be longer. I think we shouldn't have to be in a goddamn rush all the time. I think we should have the time it takes to make good art. I think fans should wait even longer than they do and be happy that everyone who made the art is getting full nights of sleep.
#yall have NO IDEA how much i abused my body just to write my own fic. i would sleep at 2 in the morning#and get up early for work the next day even if i was sleep deprived as all fuck#like i was constantly tired and sleepy and irritable#all to submit a chapter within a few months#life was bleak and the only fucking thing i looked forward to was writing#i neglected my fucking family just to write a wholeass goddamn chapter#now i know better#i know not to write while working on the clock bcs its a recipe for disaster#since the quality of my work plummets to the gutter and I NEED THIS JOB#so no it is NOT worth it to sacrifice ur health just to submit that goddamn chapter#allow yourself to take months#allow yourself to take YEARS to submit just one chapter#but i am begging you#please live your life#do not let your life revolve around your writing#bcs life is still moving forwards for your loved ones#do not neglect them bcs every moment is precious#in fifty fucking years u will think “god i wish i spent more time w them” bcs u spent all that time writing on a fic#all im saying is#pls dont neglect ur health and ur loved ones just to do ur hobbies#the backlash is motherfucking MASSIVE#author's log#the mortifying ordeal of being known log
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