#i am so close to living the life i actually want

[allhopesforlove]

Farewell, my love: part 2

Summary: In the midst of a battle, y/n realizes that their only way to victory would be through her sacrifice. Determined with her decision to lead an army of soldiers to the frontlines, there was nothing that could hold her back. Because she was sure that if she continued living on she wouldn’t survive any more of what was blooming between Elain and Azriel.

Pairing: Azriel x Reader, Azriel x Elain

Word count: 4.2K

Warnings: Angst, panic attacks, jealousy, and just more angst than before I’m sorry (not) :)

part 1

———————

He couldnt breathe. It was too much, too many feelings flooding him at once and it felt like little needles were prickling him all over his skin. It was getting hot and if he hadn’t been leaning on Elain he was sure that he would’ve actually fallen down on his knees. He was breathing faster and the constant flood of emotions and thoughts weren’t making this any better. He was scared. Scared to even think what this meant.

“Azriel, sweetheart, talk to me.. hey, hey look at me.”

But he couldn’t. He, he needed air. He needed space, because this didn’t make any sense. Why now? Why when he finally found the happiness he was looking for, for so many years? Why when he finally settled his heart for another and dared to bare his soul to her? Why now, when his fucking mate decided to take on something that’d cost her her life? Why was he put in a position where he couldn’t decide what and who to choose?

He still heard her heart, how it beat almost the same as his. Warmth spread around him and he looked up again to see the cause of all this turmoil inside of him. There, he saw her. His mate. His. Oh god, he had a mate. He felt tears already rolling down his face, but he didn’t care. Somehow, only looking at her already made him much calmer than before. She still looked at him with wide eyes as if she herself couldn’t believe what had just transpired between them and he couldn’t blame her, because neither did he. There was a sudden urge to just hold her and take away all her pain and-

“Azriel.”

He felt two soft hands cradling his face and turning it to the side to make his golden hazel eyes meet with brown ones. It caused him to break out of this bubble that was forming and he was brought back to reality. Elain, oh Elain. He- oh god- he really forgot about her for a second, because everything, well everything was so sudden and he actually didn’t mean to, because he loved Elain, with all his heart- his heart, he already gave it to her, he was hers as much as she was his- and he already felt another set of tears forming in his eyes.

“Sweetheart, I want to help you, but you have to help me here a bit yeah?” She said while looking at him with soft shiny eyes and a small smile. The smile he fell in love with.

“Try to breathe along with me.” He was still shaking as Elain lead his hand towards her chest- her heart- to make him calm down and follow the same rhythm as hers. He tried to focus, he really did, but the constant flood of emotions really distracted him. So with all his strength he breathed in and out just as Elain did. He brought his forehead towards hers and closed his eyes. In. And out.

“Just like that, you are doing so great.” He felt a kiss on his nose and he had to smile at that. He was calming down a little.

“Thank you ‘lain” he rasped out.

And when he opened his eyes, Elain looked at him with such intensity that he needed a second to think. He really does love her huh. While the heartbeat of another was becoming more silent, it still was there. He took a deep breath and took the hands on his face in his own. Looking her in the eyes, he kissed the inner part of Elain’s hands and mustered up another set of words to reassure her.

“I am feeling better.” Elain smiled at that, however the confusion was still present in her eyes, and- oh god- she didn’t make this easier for him when she looked up at him with that soft gaze.

“Would you mind sharing with me what just happened?” She asked in an almost hushed tone, as if she didn’t want the other’s around them to know.

How was he supposed to explain to her what had just happened, when he himself still hadn’t any time to think. When so many thoughts were whirling around in his head and he couldn’t grasp to control them.

Elain must’ve noticed his confusion and hesitation as she reassured him.

“Its okay you can take your time. But you really got me scared here for a second Azriel and I, I just want to help you and know if you are-“ she choked on her last words and something in him felt so bad for not telling her instantly. For not choosing her instantly. For having thoughts of another in his mind. For feeling what another woman is feeling, for hearing a heartbeat and feeling a connecting string to another and it not being her? How could he tell her that it took all the strength in him to not just turn around and walk towards his mate to hold her in his arms, while on the other hand his mind and heart is yelling at him for forgetting all the promises he made to the woman standing infront of him for a second. A second that is a second too much. Because all the space in his heart is already reserved for Elain, there shouldn’t be any space left for another. But how could he explain to Elain that with every growing second he itches to just follow his instincts.

“I know this is confusing, trust me, I- I am confused but I, I- can’t and-“ he tried to stay calm and took a breath. Elain took his hands in hers again and encouraged him to go on with her eyes whenever he felt ready.

But ready he would never be, because just as he thought that he had everything under control, something inside of him jolted and made his head turn around sharply towards y/n. Alongside that, he felt a disgusting amount of hurt rolling over him that it took his breath away.

There she stood, tears rolling down her eyes while still looking at him. While Cassian was holding her wrist and trying to turn her towards him. He saw that he was saying stuff to her, but all the voices were quieted down by that ringing noise again. Now, if only he understood that she was crying because she saw her mate seeking comfort in another woman and that Cassian, along with his other friends, was only trying to understand the situation, was trying to comfort his friend, he wouldn’t have swatted off Elain’s hand this fast. He wouldn’t have taken charge towards Cassian. No, because this? This was pure male instinct taking over him. A male was touching his mate. She was crying.

His brain screamed at him to think for a moment before he took such rash decisions, but again, the bond had just snapped and all his emotions were running high, thoughts suppressed down by instincts. So he did what every mate would’ve done in his situation. He went to protect his mate.

—————————

The last thing y/n heard was the sound of Mor’s cries and Emerie’s words, because after that everything seemed to go silent and only a ringing was heard. A ringing from her opposite site, right where Azriel was standing. So she looked at him, looked how his eyes widened and how a string was forming to connect them. No. This, this couldn’t be right?

But an overwhelming amount of woody notes hit her nose and she became painfully aware that Azriel was unconsciously sending over his emotions. So much confusion and helplessness. She… she was his mate?

She felt the tears forming in her eyes while she didn’t know how she should feel about this revelation. The shadowsinger, the one person she has loved desperately for decades, the one person whose attention she never fully got, the one standing besides another, holding her hand, that person was his mate? And the bond snapped right before she signed her death warrant? Oh how cruel. How cruel all of this was, hasn’t she suffered enough?

She felt like she couldn’t breathe, this was too much. And then Elain had to cradle her hands around his face. Her mate. She was touching her mate. She was furious, but realized too quickly that she couldn’t do anything about it. Because why did she feel less and less of Azriel’s emotions as he leaned his forehead against hers? This hurt, this hurt so much. Someone should’ve just gotten a knife and pierced it through her chest, because it would’ve promised her a less hurtful death.

This was agony, as she felt her brain carving in this sight in her memory so that she always remembered that even when the bond snapped between them, something so sacred, Azriel still chose another woman over her.

There was no place for jealousy in her when she saw Azriel placing little kisses in Elain’s hands as she only felt an enormous amount of pain and loss and grief, grief for something she didn’t have to begin with.

She felt like she was dying if it was not for Cassian noticing her sudden silence while the others were still arguing.

“Hey.. y/n, hey, what’s wrong? Hey-”

but she couldn’t hear, she couldn’t understand… why was his mate not looking at her? Why was it that another male was seeing her and not him? So she tried to look for something inside of her, she had to try breathing again, she needed to pull, pull on something.

And finally, Azriel turned her way, finally he looked at her. One moment he still had that sad look on his face when it suddenly turned into this eerie and intense gaze that felt like a predator sizing up his prey. She had never seen that look on him, his stare sending shivers down her spine. And suddenly he was moving.

—————————

His expression was carved in stone, a chilling coldness radiating from his gaze. Fists already clenched and ready to pounce on someone, feet moving with fast precision and his target clear. The bond in him shining brighter and encasing him completely. He was going to protect his mate and make the male pay for hurting her.

“Y/n you are scaring us, what’s going on- oh- Az what are you- YO WHAT THE FU-“ and Cassian felt a scrunch in his nose. But before he could stand up from the ground he felt Azriel already pouncing on him. What. the. fuck.

Azriel didn’t care. Didn’t care if the male in front of him was nearing his death with every punch he threw his way, and when he felt other arms trying to force him away from the male, he growled and felt so much strength course through his body, because no matter what, he was going to make this male pay and no one could prevent him from doing it.

No one; but apparently a strong pull within him. Because he felt his mate again and looked up instantly from the ground where he was just punching Cassian. And from this near he could see her eyes more clearly- a green color with a soft touch of brown and blue. She was ethereal and he was mesmerized by this woman standing in front of him. His mate was gorgeous. Just like that his heart started pounding faster again and for a moment he felt his ears reddening, because how could this beautiful being belong all to him?

“Are you alright?” He almost wheezed out at her, because he lost all his stamine to fight Cassian- wait. CASSIAN. Almost instantly he scrambled up and looked down to see a bloody faced Cassian laying on the ground.

“What has gotten into you Azriel?!” Rhysand screamed at him. And rightly so. The High Lord had struggled to get into his shadowsinger’s mind to yell at him to stop after he couldn’t get him off of Cassian. But he had been met with an iron wall, which is why he couldn’t reach Azriel.

“Brother I don’t know, if you just got possessed by something but damn if you needed to let off some steam, warn a guy beforehand yeah?”

Cassian tried to lighten up the mood a bit, because what had just transpired was far from normal, far from the Azriel they knew. And quite frankly it scared him and made him worry for his friend. From the corner of his eye he saw Nesta rushing out the tent she was in with what looked like some healing supplies. Thank god, he couldn’t feel his face.

Azriel looked frantic. His head was spinning and he couldn’t think clearly. What had he just done? He looked around him and saw his friends attentively staring at him, some worried, some scared of what he might do next.

“What were you even thinking?” He met the cold stare of his mate. Of y/n. God. A mate. She wiped the tears of her face with fast movements and stood tall again. And before he could respond her

“Azriel..?” And there, the voice that made his toes curl whenever he heard it. However, he wasn’t brave enough to turn around and face her. Amongst all, she had seen him do this. She had seen this side of him, but most of all she was probably confused by his actions or maybe she got a clue, he didn’t know. He needed to get out of here, but their situation didn’t really allow him, as he was reminded of their conflicting conversation before the bond snapped. As if nothing happened, as if the bond hadn’t snapped, and as if he hasn’t caused such a big scene mere minutes ago, y/n turned to Rhysand once more.

“Breaking this to the soldiers will be a tough one, I am sure all of them will understand that our charge means nothing but promised death. I just hope they’ll follow along.”

Then a pause. He saw her trembling slightly but whatever it was she snapped out of it and a deathly coldness radiated off of her.

“I will wait for your command Rhysand.” There she stood, like a perfectly trained warrior, someone who was drilled into this role.

“Y/n are you just going to ignore wh-“

“Rhysand.” She really was going to do this?

“We are in the midst of something bigger. Our enemies-” she pointed towards the Northern side, where she knew Hybern soldiers resided.

“-they won’t wait for us to take our sweet time to discuss these matters. We don’t know when they will charge next, but damn it if they get to us before we get to them, all of us will die on this battlefield, I can assure you that! We need to move and we need to do it faster than them.” She heaved out.

Rysand looked at her with an expression that pained her, he looked conflicted, like he was struggling to switch between his role’s of a brother and friend and his role as the High Lord of the Night Court.

Of course he knew that all y/n was saying was true, but damn it, he’s got the feeling that if he doesn’t interfere now, if he doesn’t press on the matter more, he would regret it for the rest of his life. That Azriel may regret it for the rest of his life. He looked at him then, at Azriel’s disheveled and unmoving form, as if he was in a trance. He waited for him to intervene again, but when nothing came out of his brother’s mouth, he made the decision.

But not before talking to his mate. Are you sure of this? She asked in his mind. We’ve got no other choice Feyre he returned sadly but determined. And then he spoke out what he always feared most towards a member of his close circle.

“You may leave whenever you feel ready. Thank you for all of your services soldier.” He had to. he needed to switch to his High Lord tone, because if he didn’t get ahold of himself it would mean their ultimate death. Of everyone.

Y/n just sharply nodded towards him, because they couldn’t do emotional farewells now, not now, when she knew that she and all the others would break down and they wouldn’t actually let her go. And by that she would just endanger the lives of everyone. She didn’t want that. So she and Rhysand had to act their roles. With that, without taking another look at her friends, she turned around and headed towards their military base.

But she was suddenly grasped by another force that turned her around once again.

“You’re insane if you think I’ll just let you go!”

The way her heart started fluttering faster when he hold her hand was almost too pathetic. However, she couldn’t do this with him. Before, this was always what she had wanted, but now… now everything has changed, she couldn’t get herself to be influenced by his sweet words.

She looked him in the eyes then.

“Please let go of me Azriel, you are making this more difficult than it already is.”

And she told him the truth. This was difficult for her. Knowing that her mate stood right before her, that she may have a chance to maybe, she didn’t know but .. but it hurt that only now, only now that he was forced by the bond he started to care for her. This is definitely not what she wanted, not this way. So against everything that the bond demanded of her, she pushed his hand out of the way, but he grabbed for her again.

“Difficult? I am making this difficult? Are you out of your mind? So you want me to stand here as if nothing happened between us? As if we aren’t-“

“Don’t end your sentence shadowsinger.” And he looked pained that y/n almost surrendered to kiss his frown away and take away all the sadness in his eyes. She snapped out of it. She couldn’t do this to him.

“You want to act like I belong to you all of a sudden? Who gives you the right to tell me what or what not to do? I made my decision, end of discussion. So now if you would please kindly let go of my hand.”

But he didn’t. Rather he strengthened his grip around her.

“Y/n, I understand that this is very bad timing, I understand your anger, but we need to talk about this before you make decisions of life and death, don’t you understand!”

He was trying so hard to find the right words, afraid of saying something that may aggravate the situation even more. Afraid of losing his mate before even having a chance at life with her. God, he still couldn’t believe it.

“Okay, then I got a question for you and you have to be honest with me.”

She needed to stop, she needed to stop self sabotaging herself.

“Ask me and I’ll answer truthfully y/n, I swear it to you.”

He didn’t know what came over him, but all he wanted for now was bring his mate back to safety, have more time to think this through more thoroughly.

“You want me to come back with you, but can you actually promise me that you are going to accept this bond with me? Are you actually going to leave Elain for me? Someone you chose out of love rather than obligation? Be truthful shadowsinger.”

Whatever he expected her to ask him, it wasn’t this. He- no he, he couldn’t make that decision now, not now, he needed more time to think, for the past minutes he hasn’t been in his right mind so how .. how could he possibly answer her without giving her false hopes.

“I…” and he looked into her pain filled eyes. He visibly shook as he felt her side of the bond. He was causing this pain?

“Y/n, you need to understand that I can’t- I can’t promise you that now. I don’t want to hurt you, but Elain she-“ he thought of choosing his words carefully “We have been together for a while now, and I can’t lie to you that I suddenly stopped loving her because the bond snapped. I am confused and I need more time-“

she gasped at that and god he wished he could make this easier, could prevent her from getting hurt

“-and I am aware that this is the most selfish I can get. Please, just, please don’t go there-“

her tears were already falling uncontrollably and he couldn’t hold back his own ones. He wished someone just ended him right then and there, so that he hadn’t had to see the agony in her eyes.

“-please allow me to just have more time so that I can sort this all out, I don’t want to hurt any of you, it is the last thing I want-“

“Do you actually hear yourself?” she whispered in a tone that made him want to stab himself for making her sound so helpless.

“Do you hear how selfish you are? I tell you what shadowsinger, if I can’t be your first choice I dont want to be a choice at all. I have loved you for so many years already, I have desperately wanted what you gave other women in your life, but if a bond is what gets you acting all caring towards me, then you can go to hell with that.”

What.

She loved him?

How come he never noticed her, how did he let it get to this point?

“… for how long?” he asked with widened eyes.

He was scared of the answer and judging by her reaction it wasn’t something he was prepared for.

“Too long for me to count.”

She sounded almost resigned, almost like she just wanted to be put out of her misery.

She felt the stares of the others, so she looked behind Azriel and saw how everyone was holding their breaths and waiting for something to happen.

One piece of eyes, however, pierced through her, one pair of hurtful glassy eyes that made y/n happy and sad at the same time. But she couldn’t blame the woman, and to be honest, she couldn’t blame Azriel as well. They chose each other and she was the other woman. She tried to stay calm.

“Azriel… you have to forgive me for my outburst, but try to see it from my perspective. I know our situation isn’t quite fair, but we can’t choose fate. This is where it has brought us. Do yourself and everyone a favor and go back to your woman. She is waiting for you.”

It took everything in her to choose these words, to fight against her will, to fight against her desires, her want to sling her arms around him and claim him for herself, to show everyone that he belonged to her as much as she belonged to him, to love and care for him how she had wanted to for so many years. To look him in the eyes and and declare her love to him and to finally feel that mouth of his on hers to test if it tasted how she had always imagined.

But she couldn’t.

While her words pierced through his soul, his grip on her loosened and she took this as her chance.

“I am sorry, I wish.. I just wish I could have been better, but- but y/n this doesn’t mean that you have to die for this.”

“I’d rather not live when my mate loves and nurtures another, Azriel, so please forgive me for-“

“But you don’t know what the future holds!”

She applauded his resilience and to be frank she didn’t expect this much fight for her from him, but it still wasn’t enough.

“Dont act like you would actually choose me Shadowsinger, you never did.”

And with that she broke the last piece of his soul that was still standing. Because, because she was right. He never chose her so why would she believe him? This beautiful, strong woman in front of him, who has carried so much hurt because of him, was he selfish for asking her to live?

He was numb. And he just wanted this anguish to end. A sudden hand on his shoulder made him jolt, while he heard y/n talk again.

“Let go of me, let go of that little piece of me that has formed in the past minutes. It will be easier this way.” Y/n told him with resignation.

No he- he couldn’t do that, this couldn’t be the end for them. He wanted to step forward but the hand on his shoulder held him back, so he wanted to swat it off, because he had to get to his mate.

But another pair of hands was stopping his way to his mate, so now he got really irritated and tried to fight them off.

“Get your fucking hands off of me-“ and his vision suddenly became blurry as he heard his High Lord’s voice in his mind you need to let her go, she has already made a decision for herself. No, no! He was not letting her walk off to her death, he-

and while he tried to fight off every force trying to hold him back from her, he heard her distant voice Farewell, Azriel.

From the corner of his eyes he saw her blurry form walk off and disappear from his vision.

—————————

A/n: Whewww here is the second part! I never imagined I would go this direction or this far with the story but here we are 😭 First of all I want to thank everyone for your sweet reactions to the first part, this really means a lot to me, because this is my first time writing ever so thank you for your kind words <3 Secondly, I hope this was what you expected for the continuation of the story and that I didn’t leave you hanging. I am also open for any ideas and suggestions, so please don’t shy away from suggesting <3 The third part will probably come out a bit later than this as I have to focus on uni stuff again, but dont worry I wont leave this story as it is!

Again if you have some feedback, I would love to read what you think, and if you want to be added to the taglist just inform me :)

Oh and please tell me if the taglist worked!

Tag list:

@kingshitonly @phoenix666stuff @blackgirlmagicforever @dragonsandrinks @daughterofthemoons-stuff @tele86 @isa1b2h3 @curlyhairkk @jencole214 @willowpains @thestartitaness @romantasyreader28 @highladyofhogwarts @wrenisrad @minaaminaa8 @meritxellao @blepskies

[thegoddessprose]

I barely see any of these, but I like this kind of challenge. I'll be answering all of these as Chiasa.

🌧️: I usually use an umbrella on rainy days because believe me, as functional as is, it's very hard to find a stylish hooded raincoat that doesn't make my hair all static-y... But there's plenty of nice umbrellas. I like the rain (better from the inside!) I love the noise the raindrops make, the way it smells afterwards... Really an example of the beauty and power of nature.

🍳: I like to think that I am, I haven't had any complaints since I was still learning. I guess I'm alright, but I'm no chef, or my father. I enjoy it when I have time, it keeps me close with my family and is all around calming. And my favorite... Oh! Kare for sure. Out of everything I make, everyone thinks I'm the best with that.

🧼: Showers are for the morning (The ones alone at least, hehe...) and baths are for the evening. I love baths! Not only are they a vital part of my skincare, but also one of my favorite ways to wind down after a hard day. As for my favorite scent... I like anything earthy or floral, but I really like eucalyptus and jasmine.

❌: My sister Quinta loved to tell me to stop "galavanting with young lovers, dressing like a sorority girl (Wouldn't you believe she wore even less on the pageant circuit...)" really, just living my life. If my skincare and procedures did their job, then why should I hide myself away and quilt and "bingo" or whatever "old biddies" are supposed to do? Hell, I recall she had the same stuff done, even just so we stay looking alike. Since she's more concerned about appearances than my own well being... I'd listen to my own parents over her if they were still here. I'd listen to my brother in law, friends, Plutarch too, but none of that means I'm bowing completely.

🏳️: When there's absolutely no other way or someone would get hurt. I didn't get this far in the fashion world, no, in life, just to give up at the slightest problem.

📖: I guess I'm a little cliche for this, but I really like romance novels... Especially the trashy ones. Plutarch's been trying to get me into the philosophy and government stuff he likes, but they're much more fun to read with him than alone. He makes them very easy to understand and he's so cute when he's all passionate like that. Sadly, I don't have a lot of time to read... Even now I'm awfully busy.

⛸️: Mm, I'm not a big sports girl. I used to do some roller skating when I was younger, but that was only a phase. Unfortunately most of the "sporting events" I've been around for were rather... Barbaric. Hopefully there'll be something a lot less violent on in the near future.

😷: I don't get sick very often, I actually do my best to stay healthy. When I do, I try to stay home so I don't pass it on, no one wants that after all! If I must go out, I'll wear a mask, and I might if I hear about something going around. I've got a few cute ones on standby, so I don't mind at all.

🥼: Ugh, thankfully no. I haven't worn a uniform since that hideous thing I had to wear at the Academy, and believe me, the minute I graduated, I cut it up for scraps. I doubt I'll be wearing one now, but if I had to go back in time and change it, I'd keep the pants and skirt separate, change that awful blue mandarin to a white button down, and add a gold tie or scarf. That would at least fix the damn thing.

🥂: I like to be surrounded by my loved ones, maybe pop a bottle or two, enjoy some good food, music, and dancing. I've been raised to believe that life isn't worth living without any joy, and what's better than everything that makes me happy close after a great thing?

🛴: I have a car (A gorgeous pink roadster with fins!) to get to further parts of the city in less official capacity, but otherwise Plutarch and I also have drivers. I like to say I do my best, but urban drivers are the worst!

🕰️: I check my handheld most of the time, but sometimes I also have a fashionable watch on my wrist.

🥰: I'd have to say the biggest thing is acknowledgement, actually listening to what I have to say and taking an interest. I'm used to people marvelling at the surface, but it can get old, especially when those people's intentions aren't always the greatest. Actually listening to me, though? That's rare and I just adore it.

🐇: I guess I used to, but just between us, I wasn't exactly sober for most of that time... Plus even a lot of my spiritual side withered away with the world.

🎺: I really like psychedelic rock and synth wave. A bit of indie too. I don't play any instruments, I think I might be tone deaf I'm afraid. One of my exes let me try his saxophone once... It didn't end too well. Thankfully, that's not why we broke up.

💿: Oils, I guess? I don't really collect anything like that, but I do collect certain oils, some to burn as incense, some to use on my skin and in baths, some just to sniff.

🧋: I like a nice pink lady. If you mean non alcohol, I like both coffee and tea. The coffee I'll take both ways, but I like my tea hot. I like a nice chamomile and I take my coffee with cream and one spoonful of sugar.

🌻 random in-character questions

an ask game where, instead of replying from your perspective, you answer as if it's your original character/muse/self-insert/etc. answering the question ✨

🌧️ "When outside during the rain, do you use a raincoat, an umbrella, or something else? Do you enjoy rain?"

🍳 "Are you a good cook? Do you enjoy cooking? What's your favorite thing to cook?"

🧼 "Do you prefer to take a shower during the morning or evening? Do you like taking baths? What's your favorite scent of shower gel?"

❌ "Would you do something that someone told you not to do? Why? Is there someone you'd actually listen to more than everyone else?"

🏳️ "What will make you give up?"

📖 "What kinds of books do you read? Do you have a lot of time to read?"

⛸️ "What's your favorite kind of sport? Do you follow sports closely or don't care at all?"

😷 "How often do you get sick? Do you stay at home when sick or do you end up going outside to, say, get some groceries? If you go outside, would you wear a mask?"

🥼 "Do you have to wear a uniform somewhere? If yes, how do you feel about it? If no, what kind of uniform would you love to wear?"

🥂 "How do you celebrate you accomplishments?"

🛴 "What's your preferred way of getting somewhere - own car, public transport, a bicycle, or something else? How well do you follow the traffic rules?"

🕰️ "What do you use to check what time it is?"

🥰 "What would make you feel happy and loved?"

🐇 "Do you believe in other dimensions?"

🎺 "What kind of music do you mostly listen to? Do you know how to play an instrument, and if not, which one would you want to learn to play?"

💽 "Do you collect anything? Why?"

🧋 "What's your go-to thing to drink? Do you prefer cold or hot drinks?"

[mayakern]

In light of finding out that there's actually people out there being jerks to you in your inbox, I wanted to tell you how much joy you've brought into my life without even knowing about it! My girlfriend introduced me to your art and your clothing and I've been a huge fan ever since! Your art makes me feel more comfortable in my own skin and see beauty where I hadn't thought to look before, and watching you succeed puts a smile on my face. I wish you and your wife a long and happy life full of joyful memories and interesting stories!

aw thank you, this is so incredibly sweet 🥺🥺🥺

we did have a couple ppl being weirdly combative at the combo of me asking why ppl hadn't purchased from the canada store (this was a genuine question to see if there were issues we didn't know about, which there were) and then me talking about what a rough position the business is in currently, but largely people have been nothing other than extremely kind and supportive and wonderful.

i think it often comes down to the sad reality that when a small brand like us, which is more expensive than fast fashion in large part because we use certified ethical labor, talks about our financial/sales issues in a time when most people are struggling, people sometimes get defensive.

even if i am not being aggressive or mean or blaming our customers--i am also a non-wealthy person who lived through 2024, i have not at any point been unaware of just how difficult things have gotten and i don't blame anyone for their financial situation--because of the type of business i run, seeing me or the business fail can make people feel guilty. because even tho a lot of people try not to think about it, when you buy a fast fashion shirt for $5--or when you buy several, knowing that they'll fall apart after just a few wears--there are so many "invisible" costs. knowing that you can afford a shein clothing haul because someone was, at best, paid pennies to make the garments wears a person down. knowing, too, that that piece of clothing that was made by exploiting other humans is going to end up in the trash relatively quickly also takes its toll.

for a lot of people, fast fashion is all they can afford. and also for a lot of people, they have convinced themselves that buying a higher quantity of cheap garments that will fall apart quickly is more affordable or a better deal than saving up for one more expensive piece that will last them multiple years. after all, buying a single garment that you'll wear for years doesn't give you nearly as much of a dopamine hit as getting an entire clothing haul that costs the same amount up front.

and i think because of this--because a lot of people make this choice and do not feel proud of it--when they see me or my business struggle, they project their own feelings of guilt and assume that i must be blaming them personally. that i am figuratively breathing down their neck and haunting their closets.

the truth is, i know the path i have chosen is not the easy one. i could probably make a lot more money and live a lot more comfortably if i operated on a business model that more closely resembled fast fashion. but for as long as i can afford them, i would like to stick to my ideals. and i don't blame other people for not being able to do the same.

[mreowsu]

“green light!”

the game had barely started, and everyone had immediately resorted to the most basic survival tactic: hide behind someone bigger than you.

naturally, you found yourself positioned behind kunigami, the ginger stood like a brick wall between you and the robot’s unnerving gaze. you weren’t ashamed to admit it—your survival instincts were on point.

“red light!”

everyone stopped dead in their tracks, muscles stiff as statues. the faint sound of wind was the only thing accompanying the dubious silence.

your gaze glanced sideways, spotting gagamaru’s towering figure a few metres to your left, slightly ahead. behind him were otoya and karasu, then isagi. their line positioned in a staggered one. isagi was right beside you, his presence close enough that you could hear his unsteady breathing over the tense silence.

you locked eyes with him for a moment. his jaw was tight, his hands clenched into trembling fists at his sides. despite the tension radiating off him, he managed to force a shaky smile in your direction. “w-we’ve got this.” he whispered.

you nodded, the corners of your mouth tugged up in an encouraging gesture even as your heart pounded in your chest, “yeah. just.. keep moving when it's green.”

turning your attention back to the front, your gaze landed on kunigami’s broad back. the solid presence of his frame shielded you from the robot’s watchful eyes, giving you a moment to let your gaze wander again.

a little to the side, you spotted rin a few feet ahead. his posture was unnaturally rigid, every muscle in his body tense as a bowstring. his sharp gaze was fixed on the towering, unsettling figure of the robot girl, his expression carved from pure focus.

you couldn’t help but snicker, finding it almost funny—almost—that the the stoic perfectionist who always seemed unshakable, was showing cracks in his armor. maybe life-and-death situations were enough to rattle even him. though for some reason, seeing him fazed like that made your stomach churn uneasily.

“rin,” you called quietly, your voice laced with amusement as you kept your gaze fixed forward. “you okay up there? you look like you just saw someone miss an open goal.”  

there was a beat of silence before shuffling feet sounded as the robot called out green light! giving rin a go to have at you in return. his voice was low and sharp, cutting through the air. “focus on yourself.”  

“oh, i am,” you replied casually, jogging. “just can’t help but notice you’re looking a little... tense.”  

kunigami coughed lightly in front of you, clearly suppressing a laugh, while bachira’s voice floated from behind rin. “aww, rin-chan, are you nervous? want me to hold your hand?”  

“shut up,” rin snapped, his tone betraying just a hint of exasperation.  

“guys,” isagi hissed. “this is life or death! can you stop?”  

“rin started it.”  

“keep my name out of your mouth,” rin bit out, his voice still low but tinged with a noticeable edge.  

“you’re so touchy today,” you teased, your grin widening. “don’t tell me you’re actually scared, rin.”  

“you talk a lot for someone hiding behind a ginger,” rin muttered.  

“hey, nothing’s wrong, though,” someone from behind chimed in. “you do look a little pale, rin.”  

“i’m surrounded by idiots,” rin muttered under his breath, his gaze never wavering from the finish line ahead.  

the tension of the situation should’ve been suffocating, but somehow, the banter made it almost bearable. even so, you couldn’t shake the smug satisfaction of seeing rin so out of sorts.  

“don’t worry, rin,” you called softly. “i’ll make sure to win this game for you.”  

“if you don’t shut up,” rin growled, his voice dripping with irritation, “i’ll make sure the robot gets you first.”  

you stifled a laugh, already planning to milk his reaction for all it was worth. itoshi rin, flustered? you’d live off this moment for weeks.

“red light!”

everyone froze mid-step, not daring to breathe as the robot’s glowing eyes swept across the group. you could feel the tension in kunigami’s broad shoulders as he stood perfectly still.

“green light!”

the voice was loud and jarringly normal. everyone froze—not because the robot girl had said it, but because you all realized it wasn’t her.

“bachira meguru,” you hissed from behind kunigami. “what the hell are you doing?!”

bachira’s voice rang out again, playful and completely unbothered. “i figured it might work! y’know, confuse everyone into running so they’d get caught! more prize money for us!”

everyone collectively groaned.

“you really thought someone was gonna fall for that?” isagi exclaimed toward bachira, laughing.

you heard a yawn from your right—nagi caught up, surprisingly, despite being half-asleep on his feet up until this point. “that’s way too much effort, man.”

your head whipped towards his voice, muffled because of his bent arm, spotting reo with chigiri behind him and a few others trailing behind nagi’s six foot three ass.

you couldn't help but snort at nagi's lazy comment. "you're still half asleep, aren't you?" you teased, trying to keep your voice light despite the rising tension.

nagi, not even trying to hide the yawn that followed. "yeah, but i mean, why run when you can just stand and look pretty, right?" his eyes were half-closed, clearly still not fully awake. reo rolled his eyes, but you could see the faint twitch at the corners of his mouth—he was trying not to laugh.

"just don’t trip on your own feet, nagi," reo warned, “and for god’s sake, stay alert. this could actually kill us.”

"yeah, yeah," nagi mumbled, barely registering the seriousness of the situation. it seemed like nagi was the only one who didn’t take the life-or-death nature of the game seriously, much to everyone else’s growing concern.

reo, leaning slightly toward chigiri, couldn’t help but smirk, his lips curling at the absurdity of bachira's antics earlier.. “i mean, give him points for creativity?” he said, raising an eyebrow.

“no, don’t give him points,” chigiri shot back instantly, brushing his hair out of his face. “he’s just… stupid.”

“hey!” bachira’s voice floated somewhere from the front, “it was worth a try!”

you rolled your eyes, not even bothering to whisper. "worth a try? you almost got us all killed, stupid."

isagi, who had been eerily quiet up until that point, muttered under his breath, “i swear, if he gets us killed, i’m never speaking to him again.”

“yeah, obviously because you’d be dead.”

kunigami, from behind the bend of his arm, similar to nagi’s, sighed deeply. “bachira, focus. this isn’t the time for jokes. you’ll get us all killed.”

“pfft,” you snorted. “honestly, i think the robot girl’s gonna get fed up with him first and self-destruct.”

“you guys are so boring!” bachira complained, though the grin in his voice was unmistakable. “c’mon, loosen up a little! it’s just a game!”

“a game that could literally kill us,” chigiri muttered.

“honestly, you’re gonna be the first one out,” you said, trying not to laugh.

“bold of you to assume,” bachira replied, clearly enjoying the banter.

“green light!”

you all moved forward and fortunately this time, it wasn't from bachira. everyone did their best to stifle their laughs, well, everyone except bachira, who naturally didn’t stay silent.

“i bet if i were the robot, i’d be way cooler,” he whispered, loud enough for everyone to hear. “like, imagine me with glowing yellow eyes—”

“imagine you shut up,” rin interjected.

bachira gasped dramatically. “rin! you wound me!”

“you deserve it,” chigiri added dryly, though you could see his lips twitching as if he was trying not to laugh.

“focus, people!” kunigami said from the front.

“yeah, megs,” you teased. “or you’ll get caught and end up being the first eliminated. won’t that be embarrassing?”

bachira’s grin widened. “if i go down, i’m taking rin with me.”.

“red light!”

“try it,” rin’s lips twitched, teal eyes narrowing, “you’ll look like an idiot.”

the robot’s head snapped in his direction, and everyone held their breath.

your heart thundered in your chest, and you felt isagi tense beside you, his trembling fists tightening. the air felt suffocating as the robot scanned the area, its glowing eyes eerily sweeping over the frozen group.

rin, despite his insult, remained as still as a statue. his sharp gaze stayed forward, jaw set as if daring the robot to pick him out.

“idiot,” you whispered under your breath, barely audible but enough to feel the weight of your own nerves.

the robot’s glowing eyes lingered for what felt like an eternity before its head snapped forward again with a loud mechanical click.

“green light!”

the announcement jolted you back to the present. you tailed behind kunigami as usual, feet kicking up along with the other's heavy pitter-pattering across the barren, dusty hellhole of a playground you could call this place. 

“close one,” isagi whispered.

“are you trying to die?” you hissed at rin once you reached him, your eyes narrowing at his back as you started moving forward again, your steps cautious but steady.

“calm down,” rin muttered, not even bothering to look at you. “it wasn’t me it was looking at.”

you raised an eyebrow, your steps matching his pace as you jogged side by side.  “sure, because you’re not the only one dumb enough to move their mouth while it’s watching, huh?”

“shut up,” rin snapped, his shoulders stiffening as if he were bracing for another round of the robot’s red light.

“is that your secret? being too cool to be scared?” you teased, trying to break the tension, though you were just as unnerved as the rest of them.

he didn’t answer, but you could feel his frustration rolling off him in waves.

“you’d be surprised,” nagi chimed in lazily from behind, his voice low and unimpressed. “all this stopping and starting is too much effort.”

otoya, a few paces to your left, let out a quiet snort. “then drop out and save us all the trouble.”

“guys, focus!” isagi’s voice cut through the banter, sharp but still shaky.

you glanced sideways at him. he was staring straight ahead, his jaw still tight, but his expression was filled with sheer determination. “just… let’s just make it through this round, okay?”

“you heard captain sweat,” karasu muttered, though his tone was more amused than mocking.

you bit back a laugh as you kept your focus on kunigami’s broad back in front of you.

as you moved with the rest of the group, you spared a glance at rin’s line and ultimately to bachira, who’s grin was alarmingly wide and mischievous.

“bachira, for the love of god, don’t—” you began, but it was too late.

“red light!” his voice rang out loud and clear, way too chipper for the situation.

immediately, the entire group froze, you colliding into kunigami’s back.

“bachira, you absolute idiot,” you groaned, rolling your eyes as you found yourself awkwardly pressed against kunigami’s back. watching as everyone stayed perfectly still, except for a few suppressed giggles that began to bubble up around you.

the tension that had been building in the air snapped like a taut wire, and you could practically feel the collective irritation coming from a few as they fell for bachira's stupid antics.

kunigami, who had barely flinched at the sudden contact, turned his head slightly to glance at you over his shoulder. "you okay?" he whispered, his tone low but firm.

"yeah, just—" you were about to say something when you heard the robot’s actual whirring cut in again, too loud for comfort.

“red light!”

everyone froze again, some of the more nervous players holding their breath. you almost couldn’t help yourself, your gaze flicking over to bachira’s still figure, clearly enjoying the chaos he was causing. he was the kind of guy to turn even a life-or-death situation into a game, and for better or worse, it seemed to be working.

you turned your attention back to the front, scanning the robot’s movements. its gaze swept over the group once more. you couldn’t risk moving even a fraction, not with the way its glowing eyes were trained on you all.

"that idiot’s gonna get us caught," you muttered, barely loud enough for isagi to hear beside you.

he nodded, lips pressed tightly together as his gaze remained straight ahead. "tell me about it," he whispered back, his hand flexing into a fist at his side.

a few seconds passed—an agonizing eternity. then, finally, the robot’s gaze moved forward again, its head tilting slightly to the side. the oppressive silence felt like it would stretch on forever. then the mechanical voice crackled again.

“green light!”

no one moved, but you could feel the relief flood through the group like a wave. you let out a breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding, and slowly, the tension eased just a little.

"are you all trying to die?" kunigami muttered under his breath, clearly frustrated but still in control. he kept his gaze forward, eyes scanning the robot’s position and the timer lessening by the second.

"not if meguru has anything to say about it," you quipped, glancing over toward the culprit who was grinning ear to ear.

“hey, i’m just having fun!” bachira grinned, jogging like he didn’t have a care in the world.

“yeah, well, save the fun for later, alright?” you retorted, shaking your head with an exasperated sigh.

isagi couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “hey, i thought it’d work! i was just trying to throw off the competition!” bachira replied with a shrug, completely unbothered.

“idiot,” you muttered under your breath, though you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at his antics.

“seriously, though,” isagi murmured as he caught up to your left, both of you jogging. “how is it that we’re about to die and it’s still chaos with these guys?”

“it’s called team spirit, yoichi,” you said with a grin.

“more like team stupidity,” rin muttered.

“admit it, though. you’re all having fun!” bachira said, though his voice sounded a little too distant for your comfort. 

the finish line loomed ahead, a distant promise just beyond reach, teasing everyone with its nearness yet still just out of grasp. you all managed a good feet ahead before—

“red light!”

everyone immediately shut up, your bodies locking into position. your eyes quickly darted forward, and there he was. bachira had broken away from rin’s group entirely, he had been mid-gesture, stood frozen in what looked like an interpretive dance pose.

“what the hell is he doing?” you muttered under your breath, incredulous.

“he’s free-for-alling it,” isagi hissed from his spot nearby, his tone somewhere between disbelief and frustration. “why does that idiot always have to make things harder for himself?”

“probably thinks it’s more fun this way,” you replied, shaking your head.

from his spot up front, rin turned his head slightly, catching sight of bachira out of the corner of his eye. his expression darkened instantly. “get back in line, you moron,” he barked, though his voice was muffled from his bent arm, he sure still sounded seething with irritation.

bachira only stood a bit farther ahead, ignoring rin’s increasingly panicked orders. “relax, rin-chan! i’ve got this.” he exclaimed through the muffle of his sleeve. his carefree attitude was getting under everyone’s skin, especially rin’s.

a faint shuffle broke through and your heart dropped to your ass.

“no, you don’t, you absolute idiot!” rin snapped, his voice growing louder.

“who moved?” you whispered, your voice barely audible as you looked around, eyes wide in concern.

"not me," nagi muttered from behind you, his voice barely above a whisper. he, too, was clearly on edge, his usual laid-back demeanor nowhere to be found.

but before anyone could respond, rin snapped again, louder than before, filled with a desperate edge. “seriously , bachira, get back in line!”

“rin, keep it down!” you hissed, frustration bubbling to the surface. “you’ll get the both of you killed!”

your gaze flicking between rin and bachira. you shot a glare at both of them, silently cursing bachira’s stupidity and rin’s inability to keep his temper in check.

"shut it, both of you!" kunigami’s voice rang out low but firm from ahead, his back stiff. he had clearly had enough of the bickering, just as everyone else did. "focus! or we’ll all be screwed."

your breath caught in your throat as a strangled yelp echoed throughout the field. silently praying it was none of your stupid-ass friends tripping on their own feet. you turned your head just in time to see a fellow contestant—a stranger, someone you didn’t know—take a hesitant, trembling step forward, his fear betraying him.

you immediately felt your shoulders sag in relief.

though before you could relish at the thought of your friends safe, the robot’s eyes locked onto him.

bang.

the sound of the gunshot echoed across the field, loud and final. 

then, you heard it—a loud thud, followed by a sickening splat.

the man crumpled to the ground, lifeless.

the air around you turned ice cold. all traces of humor evaporated as everyone stared at the lifeless body, the reality of the game sinking in.

“holy shit,” isagi muttered under his breath, his voice shaking.

“fuck!” someone near you swore, eyes wide with panic. you couldn’t be too bothered to turn in their direction, your gaze lingered on the pool of blood, slowly soaking into the sand, the dark stain spreading like a cruel reminder of this stupid game. barely discernible in the midst of it all, a faint twitch stirred the lifeless form, a ghost of motion in a world that had already moved on.

your heart pounded in your chest as the blood drained from your face. you could still hear the echo of that shot in your ears, the chilling sound that meant someone was just gone. just like that.

the air was thick with tension, and you could almost taste the fear in the silence that followed.

“oh my god..” chigiri muttered from beside you, shaking with disbelief. his head snapped to where the gunshot previously rang. though from where he was situated, you assumed he could barely manage to see the lifeless leg of the man.

you swallowed hard, trying to push the knot in your throat down. this wasn’t a game anymore. it wasn’t fun. the faces around you were tense, their eyes wide with fear, their bodies rigid with dread. seeing the terror etched into the faces of those you held dear—your friends, your companions—pierced you deeper than any of the gunshots could. eyes darting back and forth, calculating, terrified. no one said a word, but everyone’s thoughts were screaming the same thing: am i next?

“green light!”

a strangled breath escaped your lips, and you forced yourself to focus—on the finish line, on your team, on the ones still moving, on the fragile thread of hope you were clinging to. your eyes locked with rin’s for a split second, and in the teal of his gaze, you saw it: fear, raw and unmasked, mirroring the terror clawing at your insides.

but there was something else too—something more, a flicker of resolve, burning steady like a candle in the wind. a silent promise. we’re getting out of here.

it was so unlike him, this vulnerability paired with defiance, and it stirred something deep and unsettling in you. the realization that even someone as unshakable as rin was rattled left you breathless.

you were scared shitless.

still, you nodded at him, a small movement, just enough to let him know you were all in this together. no matter what happened, you’d keep moving forward. but deep down, a part of you couldn’t shake the horror of what you’d just witnessed. another part whispered that this wasn’t just about winning anymore.

you slowly took another step forward, you could hear the others around you moving too, their footsteps muffled by the growing unease in the air. the moment was still fragile, tense, but somehow you all pushed ahead.

the faint shuffle of someone else’s footstep caught your attention, and you tensed, your eyes snapping to the figure just a few steps ahead of you. you saw bachira’s familiar smile, though this time softer, like a comforting reminder that your friends we’re still here. eyes gleaming despite the dark circumstances. he gave you a wink. cheer up.

but when you looked back toward the robot, the weight of what just happened made the air feel thicker, suffocating. you clenched your fists, forcing your mind to focus.

focus. keep moving. don’t stop.

with a deep breath, you steadied your legs, pushing forward. you had to keep moving. for your friends. for your survival.

* * * * *

© 2024 mreowsu what if I told u all dis was supposed to be a crackfic since it was first inspired by that one roblox shrimp game tiktok HAHAHAHAHA

[ecstarry]

author interview!

thank you @orchideous-nox , @emlovessid , @pretentiouswreckingball , @star4daisy , @angel-daydreams for the tag <3

total works: twenty-four! (mostly one shots oops) total wc: 76,784

your top 5 stories by kudos/likes?

mine

parallelos

home

tripping over air

invisible string

do you respond to comments? it might take me a little bit but yes!! i try to reply to all of them

what's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

one of these three:

'the one with the breakup'

'essential'

'maybe someday'

(they were all about a diff breakups lol i dont think i'll reread to remember which one is angstier oops)

what's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

absolutely any other fic outside of those three i swear, it's absolute fluff

do you write crossovers? not yet but it's not something i'm closed off to

have you ever received hate on a fic? i don't think so? some weird comments maybe

do you write smut? oh yes, it's very yummy

have you ever had a fic stolen? not to my knowledge

have you ever had a fic translated? nop

have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes! very recently, with @star4daisy and it was for @v7lgar birthday it was so so fun. very yummy fic if i say so myself: apartment 26

what's your all time favourite ship? reg and james

what's a wip that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

god i really wish to finish past lives but i fear it will hurt too much

what are your writing strengths?

i think i have a lot of ideas, especially scenes like just snippets of their time together. i think i'm good with small moments

what are your writing weaknesses? can't stick with a story to save my life lol

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i don't think i've added yet but i would talk to someone who actually speaks the language. i think if you're using google translate better to not use it at all (at least with latino james pls free my man)

what's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

i must write more wisestar !! and i'm working on my itafushi fic so that's fun

what's your favourite fic you've written?

i'm doing top three because no one is even reading to this point and if you are then damn i appreciate you, i will write you something, go text me u read up to here and claim ur prize lol i truly think not even my besties are actually reading up to here, like goddamn i forgot how long this was or am i just tired? idk anyway here's the list:

dearly departed

dare to stay

same boat

open tag! + @moon-seas @v7lgar @lavenderhaze @ultravioletbrit

@sixlane @velanavis @del-stars @futurequibblerjournalist

@staringathesun1 @pressedink

[takusan-no-ai]

Inner Demons

PAIRING: Aura x Male Reader (Romantic) (Fluff)

SUMMARY: Aura loses to (Y/N), but later discovers why he won’t kill her.

A full blown battlefield. Corpses lied about on the grass, blood taking a permanent stain on the land. Screams cried out as weapons clashed and magic pierced eardrums. Demons wailed and gnashed as humans roared in anger. It was a war almost unlike any other. Almost.

The party of heroes had long since slain the demon king, thus his minions scattered about in a feeble attempt to reclaim lost territory. Those who were the strongest of the demons, like Aura the Guillotine, led their army by the front lines; unbeknownst to those demons, in their meager endeavors for reclaimed glory, they overlooked a dangerous anomaly: (Y/N).

Graduated at the top of his class, no missing days, a perfect track record, and a first class mage on his first try. (Y/N) was a powerful mage in all senses of the word. Even esteemed mages like Frieren and Serie looked at him with respect. His work was unlike any other, and no being of his generation came close to his skill. Sheer effort.

That effort favors the bold more than fortune ever could. And that’s something Aura wished she’d realized sooner.

Mistakenly, she assumed a human like (Y/N) could never amass more mana than her; especially when the mana he gave off was so utterly small and worthless. Mistakenly, she used her scales to control (Y/N). And now, her life was his to command.

All this effort. All this torment. All this death. And he had the same blank staring face. Eyes cold as ice. No emotion showing. For once, Aura was petrified.

“He’ll kill me instantly,” she thought. “There’s no doubt about it!”

He turned around, his back now facing the defeated demon army. He looked out amongst his fellow soldiers; they cheered in triumph over the victory. But all (Y/N) could do was scoff.

“This was but a small skirmish. The real war is on the horizon, we’ve got little to no resources left, and they have the nerve to think we won. What of the lives lost over this small victory?” He lamented.

The young man quickly spun around, staring down at Aura. She gulped despite her best efforts to remain in control. “Your kind displeases me—” he smiled, “…but I’m certain I can find a good use of you.” Aura now glared at him.

“I am enthralled by your power, but my loyalty remains the same.” Her snide reply didn’t go unnoticed.

“And I, enthralled by your power too. But unlike you, my loyalty isn’t with humanity. It is simply against demons. The fact that our goals align is simply convenient.”

He started to walk off, the rest of the soldiers looking at him quizzically. “Get up. Follow me.” He commanded her. She did as instructed against her will. The stares and snarling faces of every human pissing her off each ticking second.

…

…

…

It had been some months since Aura became (Y/N)’s servant, and through all of that time, she hasn’t figured him out at all.

He avoids her in public, and keeps going on and on about a plan to kill the demons by using her. Yet not once has he actually acted on it. At first it seemed like he truly was just plotting. But now Aura thinks he just wasn’t planning on doing it from the get go.

Together they leisured in his private office. Aura stared at him accusingly. She clearly wanted to say something. Unfortunately (Y/N) told her to “zip it” because of her constant whining. Thankfully Aura had a way of making even the most patient people uncomfortable.

“WHAT?!” He asked calmly(?), tired of her unwavering gaze.

“Why haven’t you used me? Or killed me?” Aura asked. (Y/N) turned back to whatever he was writing down, ignoring her question.

“Why haven’t I?”

“Why are you always with me? When we’re in public you treat me like trash. But you could easily just tell me to stay somewhere and I would.”

Again, he ignored her. “Why do I do that?”

“And while I’m at it…every time a human tries to attack or even makes a threatening comment about me, boom! You jump to my rescue.”

He slammed his hand on the desk. Aura wasn’t the least bit startled. She continued to stare at him, this time with a smirk.

“Just stop talking!”

“It’s almost as if you love—”

“I simply like to protect what is mine. I’ve never been good at sharing and have always been possessive. End of discussion.” He couldn’t have been anymore obvious.

Aura chuckled with a small blush.

“Sure.”

- Fin

[purple-space-aliens]

this is a long post (hence why it’s under a cut), but i want to preface this by saying i am not downplaying the experiences of anyone who has been in a p-shifter cult. that is a real experience and i can understand that. however it is mot a reason nor a weapon to use for reality checking random stranger on the internet whom you have never met. i am sick of seeing posts that reality check us and other for existing, so i’d like to talk about why to not do that

trigger warnings for talk of delusions and reality checking

very very blunt reminder that it is never your business to reality check anyone, ever. for starters, not all delusions are harmful, and it’s closed minded to think that way. not everything is just good or just bad. for some, these delusions can improve their lives, even if its not the common reality. would reality checking this do any positive things for the individual with said non harmful delusions? no. it would only tell them that you don’t care enough about their life or perspective to respect it

on the other paw, while there are bad and harmful delusions, you should not reality check these individuals either, especially if you don’t know them (reality checking should only be done if you have the consent of the one with delusions. that is the only circumstance in which it is okay). you are not “saving” anyone by doing so, and it can do more harm than good. by reality checking someone with harmful delusions, you are essentially telling them that you do not believe their cause of distress and you are effectively putting down problems that are very real to them for no reason. it is better to help them while still acknowledging their delusion as something that is very real for them, rather than pretending they can’t be hurt by it

lastly, reality checking fucking hurts. it confuses the mind a lot. being told that something very real to you isn’t real does not fix the problem, it only makes it more complex. it is difficult and confusing to keep up with both the very real feelings of your own beliefs and the fact that it isn’t real for anyone else. its distressing to know you’re surrounded by people who want to tell you its not real, but won’t raise a finger to actually help you with it

so think of it this way. how you would feel if someone told you that a core part of your reality isn’t real and that its hurting you, and before you know it they’re you behind in the dust to pick up the pieces and put them where they’re supposed to go for any ordinary individual without any sort of instructions whatsoever. you wouldn’t like it, so don’t do it to someone else. we’ve had experience with this before, so i’m speaking from past experiences. reality checking can ruin someone, so don’t do it

side note of yes you can reblog this if you’d like, and it would be nice if you could, but of course never feel obligated to reblog anything /gen

[kloss-karliee]

"it's definitely a struggle... but as long as those two boys are happy, it doesn't matter to me. i can take a couple of weeks of pain while they're gone, as long as they are happy." she began to think about how things transpired over the last few years. "i'm not too sure if they fully grasp what is really going on. i know Elijah is too young to really get it. but i'm sure that Levi is slowly beginning to understand that they're getting in a car with one parent, going to a different home & the other isn't coming with them. he's so smart, i almost dread the day that he comes up & asks what is actually going on." she gave a little sniffle & let out a deep sigh. "i'm not sure what i'm going to say to him, or how i would even go about explaining that to him. it's not like Joshua & i hate each other. we just... don't love each other the way that a marriage requires. we have love for each other, just aren't in love with each other... if that makes any sense. it honestly took me a while to wrap my head around that statement, myself. my mom had to explain it to me when i first told her about the two of us separating & sleeping in separate bedrooms. which happened about a year before we finally decided it was better to get a divorce." that was a terrible memory for her & a tough part of her life.

as she took a beat to pause & actually take a breath she realized that she had been droning on again. letting out a scoff at her own actions. "i'm so sorry, i must sound so selfish! i am just droning on & on about my own problems. i'm sure you don't wish to hear about my marriage & divorce. i do so hope that none of this is scaring you off." she just felt so comfortable speaking her thoughts with him. it was a feeling that she hadn't felt with anyone besides her own family in a long time. she felt safe.

she sat up straight, pulling her hands into her lap & lacing her fingers together & began the chewing of the inside of her lip once more, her nerves getting the better of her. she wanted to hear every word that he said clearly & wanted him to know that she was paying close attention. it was only right. as he spoke she felt a sympathetic smile grace her face. "i am so sorry, that just sounds so awful. i mean, it's good that you stuck around for the work but, how rude!" it almost sounded like she was giving her best Michelle Tanner from Full House impression with that one 'how rude'. the chewing of the inside of her bottom lip turned into chewing of the lip itself. it was a habit that would progress from bad to worse, eventually she'd begin to peel the skin off of her bottom lip if she didn't get a hold on herself. she carefully planned out her next statement before she spoke. "i won't lie, i'm a little happy that it didn't work out with her... because without that, i wouldn't have had the opportunity to have you here." she gave a coy smile & a little playful shove to try & lighten the rather tense topic's of conversation.

feeling his lips against hers once more, one thought took up her entire mind. 'God i could live here...' she swore that one thought was so loud that he could probably hear it. the words that he spoke about being afraid to get hurt again, rang true with her. "i can definitely understand your pain there. it's a terrifying thing to put yourself back out there after going through heartbreak like that.

"Oh weeks apart is even worse. But good for you two doing what is right for them even if it's hard." Oliver chuckled softly "I have no doubt that you would Mum love is a intense love that is super human." He had never really thought about kids before, he loved kids, he was great with kids. He had never been with anyone that had kids before and to be honest it didn't seem to bother him. Oliver knew that it would be a while before he met them so before that happened he would be a supportive ear for Karlie to talk about them and miss them.

"Yup." he sighed softly as he brushed away some hair from her face. "A girl, for love. Well what I thought was love... it was going well for a bit and then she met someone else and instead of leaving I stayed for the work." He licked his lip and shrugged "It all worked out in the end I guess but since that I haven't really been in a real relationship." He kissed her softly again "I guess I've been a little afraid of being hurt again."

[lenakluthor]

today is my last day of unemployment i can’t believe i survived five and a half months to get here

[corpsentry]

eulogy

[icewindandboringhorror]

It's always interesting to hear about people's weird/unexpected "alternate life paths". Like, something that you could have done with your life, a job you almost took, a school you almost went to, etc - that was still actually realistic enough that it could have happened, but NOW it seems to not suit your current personality.

Like for example, I currently hate advertising (how manipulative it is, brands trying to be 'relatable', social media amplifying it to an obnoxious extreme, etc.) so much that even seeing a little ad before a youtube video is grating to even witness, but there was a point in time where I was genuinely seriously considering going into marketing/making commercials as a career lol. Or like, I have a relative who was very inclined to be a pastor when they were younger, even though today they're a super strong atheist, etc. etc.

[hauntingjasper]

We are all afraid of something...

I wonder what Prince Gumball's biggest fear would be?

There's an episode (Five short tables I think) where it shows that he's afraid of dying alone/his own mortality to some extent. I imagine that because he's long-lived and most likely has watched many people die before him, he's scared that there won't be anyone else by *his* side when it's his turn. There's no way of knowing when or how, he wouldn't be ready for it, so that's probably double scarier for him. He's an anxious fella

[itsalwaysdark]

and when i live on my own ill be able to decorate like real life decorate ive never gotten to do that in real life b4

[dawei-s]

December

[akascow]

im the front desk lead so i get to boss front desk people around (i hate it im so bad at being authoritative) but it also means i have to make slightly passive aggressive messages in the work chat like once a month about things ive already asked them multiple times to stay on top of but its so annoying the more i tell them and the more they just Dont do it SKJSLKAD im trying so hard to make this message look like im not mad and that im not trying to be the bitchy manager type and i dont want it to sound like im talking down to them but also like its part of ur job i shouldnt be one of the only ones doing this PLUS I SHOULDNT HAVE TO KEEP REMINDING U TO DO THIS DFJLKSLDKS

[kavehater]

Man I just give up.