#i am more or less ok to be clear!

[yuri-is-online]

Could you share some of your ideas on improving the Twilight series?

There are a few ways that we can fix Twilight, but for now let's just focus on keeping its original premise: Bella moves to Forks, meets Edward, and is swept up into a word of supernatural happenings. I'm going to go through my issues one by one and then get to some overall points, this got stupidly long for no good reason I am so sorry.

I will note that I had to google some information about what happens in the first and fourth books because I did not watch those movies and I think I might have read the first book? But don't remember anything that happened in it.

Bella's Personality

Or lack of one is getting changed immediately. Stories are driven by the actions and desires of their characters and Bella is our MC. We need her to have reasons for making the choices she does beyond "she has to do this for the plot to progress."

Bella moves to Forks because she notices that her mother seems unhappy staying at home with her and not on the road with her new husband. From this we can assign Bella as being self-sacrificing, maybe to the point of self-sabotaging. She also is very self-reliant; she doesn't think she needs help from other people, especially not those who have a degree of authority over her because she assumes their help comes from them assuming she cannot take care of herself (and maaaaybe think that she's a burden) and not from a place of love.

When Jacob expresses a dislike of Sam, Bella supports him and validates his feelings. She is extremely upset and confused when he has suddenly changed his tune later and goes to confront Sam about it. In the movie this comes off as manipulative, as it seems like Bella is only really upset that Jacob isn't 100% focused on her anymore. I hate this! It makes the story much better if Bella goes to confront Sam because she is protective of her loved ones. Edward says he is afraid of not being able to protect her several times and she always responds with "then I'll protect you!" She should mean that! Let her be the over protective friend who will throw hands!!!

The one thing I do remember about the first book is an off hand remark about how "special and not like other girls" Bella was because she had already read Jane Austen for fun and that made her only able to relate to old people (something I had just gotten done doing which was probably why I stopped reading the book because middle school Yuri felt very insecure) and she also seems to like Shakespeare. But the books never seem to do anything with that, and it was pretty much the law in the early 2000s that your YA heroine needed to be into classic lit so it is a sort of basic trait. But it is still a trait, so Bella likes classic lit.

One of the things people unironically like about Twilight is how Stephanie Myer portrayed depression. Bella seems to be struggling from some pretty severe issues with her self-esteem and self-worth. She wants to be a vampire because she thinks it will fix her issues with herself; she's afraid of growing old and not being desirable to her partner which is sadly a very common fear people have so it makes her relatable which is good for the protag of a novel... but

If you are going to cover topics like self-loathing and depression we need to have a think about how to handle those topics responsibly which I don't think the og Twilight series does... for now let's just keep in mind that depression and self esteem are themes we should keep for Bella's personal character arc.

The Parents

Bella refers to both of her parents by their first names, unless she's talking to them. As someone who does this with her mother... that's not really something you do overnight or if you have an actual relationship with your parent. You can actually physically feel the gap between you, and it kind of sucks sometimes. It also explains a lot of those character traits listed above

Bella's mom sucks ass and I was surprised to find that's not as controversial of an opinion as I thought it would be. She is more invested in her relationship with her new husband than she is her daughter, Bella apparently was the primary cook, Bella keeps secrets from her mom because her mom's mental and emotional well being is extremely reliant on her, and to top it all off apparently she told Bella a bunch of intimate details about how she left her dad which IS NOT SOMETHING YOU SHOULD DO OH MY GOD. It isn't healthy for a kid to know the intimate details about the break down of their parent's marriage!!! Especially if it was messy!!! That's so damaging for a kid, it's a form of parentification where the child is forced to emotionally parent the person who is supposed to be doing the actual parenting. Charlie is a character no one seems to have any major complaints about, and that includes me: I think keeping him more or less the same works. He deeply loves his daughter and wants to have that personal relationship with her he never got to have while she was primarily living with her mother. His reactions to the things that happen in the series are completely normal and he shows the appropriate level of concern when Bella enters her depressive state after Edward breaks up with her.

The main thing I would change about how the parents are portrayed has to do with the break up between Edward and Bella in book 2. I think it was mentioned that Bella did not want to go to therapy... but given the circumstances: major depressive episode, night terrors, potentially abusive relationship, all after a major life change (the move to Forks) it would make sense to me for Bella and Charlie to go to a family therapist together before Bella goes to individual sessions. The breakdown of her parent's marriage, her mom's parentification of her, and her lack of real relationship with either parent is something I would want to see addressed and it's realistic for family therapy to be suggested with all those factors I mentioned. Bella doesn't need to have a fully mended relationship with her dad by the end of the series, but it would make the story a lot better if by connecting with him through family therapy she decides to trust him enough to tell him about Edward being a vampire and Jacob being a werewolf.

The Cullens

I have watched one episode of Vampire Diaries, so the concept of a why a bunch of vampire's would want to go back to highschool isn't too much of a concern for me.  Using it as a way to re-learn what society is like makes sense… but that needs to be the stated reason and not vaguely implied.  It also makes more sense to me if Rosalie and Emmet don't attend the highschool and instead pretend to be college students who live with Emmet's parents.  Japser, Alice, and Edward are enough to work with, adding more characters to do nothing with doesn't actually help the flow of the story. And oh god does a lot of nothing happen in the actual series.

The overall concept for their characters doesn't bother me too too much.  They're vampires who abstain from human blood and are empowered by not succumbing to their thirst, that's a pretty basic plot line and more importantly it gives us a conflict to work with.  Everyone thinks the sparkles are dumb, so instead let's just go with the Dracula thing where they can't use their powers during the day.  Since the Cullens are supposed to be stronger due to their lack of preying on humans, maybe they can use their powers but not as effectively? Alice still gets visions for example, but Edward has trouble telling whose thoughts are whose, Jasper can't always get a frim grip on people's emotions, Emmet isn't as strong, and Rosalie sort of just looks tired as opposed to beautiful. 

The Volturi

They are the oldest vampire coven and potentially the largest. Again don't have much of a problem with this or wouldn't rather if they had some fucking character. I had to google Aro's name. He's one of their leaders and the only one who I felt was actually acting in the whole movie and I had to google his goddamn name. Also I am only going to mention this once and I am only going to talk about it here but:

Stephanie Myer is a Mormon and as a result her world building is very Mormon. Did you know Aro has a wife? I didn't, but pretty much every major character in the series is married and lives with their "children" and their children's spouses. Which is a fine way to live if you aren't weird about it but I don't trust these people aren't.

Anyway all of this section is to stay that they Volturi can more or less stay the same as they are already, but the rules they've established for vampire kind need to be introduced to the reader (and their existence) almost immediately instead of in book 2.

The Werewolves

The biggest thing I would change about the werewolves is the bit about them being "awakened" by the presence of vampires.  I think it makes more sense if the wolves just awaken when they feel a strong need to protect their family period, the presence of vampires just makes the process speed up a whole lot because of the tribe's history.  I also think it makes sense for the Pack to be viewed as sort of protectors of the land and the people from supernatural threats by humans who are aware, and for this to be sort of emphasized with Charlie's relationship with Jacob's dad and grandfather. 

I mentioned that I would have Bella and Charlie connect after going to family therapy, but now that I think about it, I would also have Charlie know about the werewolf pack before Bella tells him.  He leaves the supernatural policing to them and focuses on the human crimes, that way he's able to focus his resources and protect his people better.  Maybe he comes to Bella first and admits he's been lying to her and lays out what he knows and that's what gets her to open up about Edward being a vampire.

Misc.

From what I have managed to piece together, the main "plot" of twilight is that Bella and Edward meet, they stare into each other's eyes a whole bunch and realize one has good smelling blood and the other is a vampire. Edward introduces Bella to his coven and some other vampires show up??? And want to eat Bella??? And then they run away and oh no. The evil vampires have found them again and try to eat Bella and then Edward kills him but leaves his wife alive so the rest of the books are just a girlboss trying to get revenge on Edward by killing his partner. Until the last book when the Volturi show up angry because Bella isn't a vampire yet and has given birth to a half vampire and while I am on that last point: no half vampire baby, we are throwing out that whole ass plot point. I think people sometimes go overboard in assuming Mormon creators make everything about their fiction Mormon but there is nothing more fundamentalist than immediately getting married and having kids at 18. It doesn't need to happen, we can just re-write that whole book. Ok? Ok.

This is probably where most of the variations in how to fix the series come in tbh. Is it just a romance series? Do you want supernatural adventures? What are the stakes? Do we address the abusive undertones to Bella and Edward's relationship and make it a plot point or do we try to fix Edward? The original series doesn't have much going on in it... except for one thing which I want to bring up now.  If you like the idea of Twilight (vampire romance set in a small town where supernatural stuff happens) I would highly recommend playing the Wayhaven Chronicles by Misha Jenkins.  Because she also has a protagonist with special blood that is enticing to vampires and blocks their powers… but in her interactive fiction series she explains it as being a natural mutation humans have evolved to protect themselves from supernaturals.  Their blood also empowers all supernaturals, not just vampires.  Both of these ideas are ones I like, but since the only creatures we are working with in Twilight are Vamps and Werewolves, let's keep Bella's blood to only effecting vampires.

For my part, the more I have thought about Edward's character, he doesn't seem like he's mature enough to be in a relationship. He clearly has some unaddressed traumas about his vampirism that are getting in the way of him making friends let alone a girlfriend, so for my "fixed" series he isn't Bella's endgame.

Anyway here are some more specific bullet points idk:

Book 1

James the tracker gets introduced before the actual vampire reveal happens.  He tracks and attacks Bella, Edward protects her, and they start hanging out more based off of a mutual attraction fueled by Bella's desire to be needed and Edward's desire to preserve what he perceives to be as a pure human soul.

Alice becomes Bella's first real good friend and encourages her to explore things that interest her.  Bella starts taking care of her appearance a bit more, not in a "oh good she wears make up now" way but in a way where she buys clothes because she likes them and not because her mom would approve of them and remembers to brush her hair.

Jacob is introduced and Bella thinks of him as friend, it's clear she sees him as still a kid and doesn't take him seriously.  This bothers him, but we don't find out why in this book.

Edward tells Bella that James isn't something she should worry about any more, but that is a lie.  He has been attempting to protect Bella on his own, with some help from Emmet and Rosalie on occasion, but he feels a personal responsibility to keep James away from Alice and Bella. (Alice apparently was turned by James or something? Anyway this should be a bonding point for Alice and Bella)

He still breaks in to watch her sleep and all that shit and Bella rationalizes this, even claiming to be flattered as all she's ever really wanted is to be cared about and this feels like someone cares.

But then she gets a call from James threatening her mother and because Bella sees herself as her mom's protector she runs straight into that trap.

Blah blah blah Edward has to drain poison from Bella, they officially start dating.

Book 2

Bella's birthday.  She doesn't like being the center of attention or birthdays in general and no one really seems to get this.  Her dad asks if she wants a cake or something and promises not to buy candles, and since Bella likes cake she agrees if he promises not to sing.

Her friends at school wish her happy birthday except for Jacob who gives her his present "just because."  It's clear to Edward that Jacob is someone she cares about and this makes him jealous because he cannot stand seeing her interact happily with someone else.

Alice has planned a birthday party for Bella and is extremely excited to officially introduce her to the rest of the family, even though she has already met them, since she knows how much Edward likes Bella and she's rooting for him.

Blah blah blah, cut happens, Jasper freaks, Carslie talks a bit with Bella, and then oof

Edward dumps Bella in the middle of the woods the next day and she doesn't take it well. Speaking of which this pissed me off so fucking much "oh uwu I can't be with u because I am worried about how fragile u are and I'll huuuurt you" *proceeds to break up with her in the middle of the fucking woods where she can easily get lost and die*

Depressive episode like normal

Bella realizes she can still see Edward if she is about to do something dangerous and still goes to find those motorbikes and take them to Jacob.

Bella's human friends don't really get as much of a focus even though they are there, so I'd like to bring them back here for a moment.  Maybe the pink one encourages Bella to go see a therapist after Bella brushes off her dad's suggestion because she's been thinking about the risk seeking behavior and is worried she encouraged it.  She also admits to seeing a therapist herself and this surprises Bella, who decides maybe it couldn't really hurt.

As Bella talks with Jacob she says something about him being a kid and he gets offended by this, heavily hinting at maybe him liking her

But, as opposed to Edward who always brushed off Bella's offer of protection, when talking about Sam Jacob reacts positively to Bella's offer of help and makes the same promise. "You watch my back I'll watch yours."

Cliff diving scene stays but like it's not done on a whim, Bella gets a group together of kids from the highschool maybe? No weird movie date scene because that was cringe.

Anyway Edward thinks she dies, Alice comes for a visit, werewolf Jake freaks but trusts Bella when she says she will be fine and says he trusts her.

The book ends with Bella bargaining for the Cullen's freedom from the Volturi by agreeing to become a vampire, initially she offers to allow Aro or whatever the fuck to turn her but Alice intervenes and offers to do it herself. They set a date for after her graduation, and are warned of grave consequences if they do not comply.

Edward and Bella do not get back together at the end of the book.

Book 3

Bella and Alice are back to being besties.  While Bella is not back together with Edward, but she is not dating Jacob either.  She is attempting to maintain a friendship with both but it's not really working, as Jacob can tell she's keeping some sort of secret from him.

This secret being her impending turning, and the general theme of people trying to convince her that she doesn't need to do this remains.

There is a real focus on the lack of choice most of the Cullens had with becoming vampires and how that has affected them, with a heavy emphasis placed on Edward. 

Edward and Carlisle have a long talk. Carlisle talks about the concept of soulmates and how he always hoped Edward would find his, but admits he maybe placed too much of an emphasis on that instead of actually addressing the problems he was having in the hopes that love would fix him.

Since this is my post, I think Aro should be a sort of character foil to Edward. Ed doesn't want Bella to become a vampire even though she would (allegedly) make a very powerful one, while Aro should be obsessed with making Bella into a vampire because of her blood. I would also make it so that Aro's "wife" was once like Bella, with the same good smelling blood, and directly contrast Aro's sense of ownership over her with how Edward had been thinking about Bella.

This terrifies Edward who also has a deep talk with Bella and apologizes, and while Bella accepts it they still don't get back together because-

Bella always had more chemistry with Jacob anyway. They share interests and hobbies, they like talking with each other, Jake is someone she is good friends with and someone she really is going to miss when she dies and becomes a vampire.

Idc let the plot with the newborn army remain, but like make the talk about imprinting actually mean something. Maybe Jacob has already imprinted on Bella but he's keeping that shit to himself because he doesn't want to pressure her.

Maybe it all comes out while he's wounded and Bella finally tells him about what she has agreed to do.

And then the book ends with them both agreeing they don't want that to happen

There's a book 4?

So I have no idea what goes on in the end of the Twilight series.

There's a war?

But not actually because it was just a vision Alice had?

Um I think there is potential for some sort of actual battle between the Volturi, other vampire covens, and the werewolves.

Apparently according to the wiki Aro's wife is locked in a tower somewhere in a trance because he killed her sister? And she was upset about that?

Uhhhh maybe they decide to use that to spark some in fighting between the Volturi

Jacob and Bella can get married at the sensible age of like 25 in the epilogue

And Edward gets with someone else idk. Maybe one of the newborns from Vicky's army who he goes on a healing journey with.

meh that's what I've got. I still like the idea of Bella being into catching beetles and moths and that's why she's ok with being in the woods a whole lot but that's not super important.

I think it should sort of low key freak both Edward and Jacob out. But that's just my opinion~

[lycanlovebites]

You know what? Fuck you *hits Father Ardelian with the shoujo filter and babygirlifies your priest*

@stjohnstarling

[rainingincale]

.

[amazingspider-z]

some more ghost rider sketches, version i guess i wanted to draw some bones,

including a partial prototype of whatever the hell the Rider has going on underneath his skin-suit (which might need more leather 'muscles' but. whatever), a theoretical endpoint of how dead Robbie could get in my verse, which. unlikely? extremely. but fun to draw, and a line-up of Robbie, Lisa, and Gabe

in theory, Lisa's sense of style was inspired by @wazzappp 's post of Claire's fashion Lisa, but, well, outfit design eludes me. so. brightly colored vague y2k vibes are. the best i got

[anotherpapercut]

if you think there should be an upper age limit for holding office your politics are based on finding the right people to discriminate against and you're annoying. there are other far better ways to determine if a person is competent enough to hold office

[episodeoftv]

EDIT: ending this early bc I’m impatient. Here’s the tiebreaker poll!

If we do Most Episode s2‚ I’ll allow episodes to be resubmitted‚ except for the top 8-16, which will join the new bracket later. It will be a smaller bracket‚ definitely no more than 128‚ but probably capped off at 64.

Also this is just deciding which bracket to do first‚ I anticipate doing some of the runners-up later. (If this poll doesn’t have a clear sweep I’ll do a second poll with the top 2/3)

[guinevereslancelot]

not to be ungrateful but i don't get paid enough at my job lol

[viksalos]

reading up on autism to figure out what the fuck is going on with me and making a list of personal pros and cons to figure out whether i should feel good or bad about it. as one does

pros: hyperlexia, deeply compassionate, talent for mathematics and the sciences/can do calculations of reasonable complexity in my head, visual hypersensitivity/decent artistic ability when replicating from still life/good at distinguishing subtle colors, acute hearing/good at identifying distinct sounds and sonic textures/deeply moved by music, can rotate some shapes in my head really fast i guess

cons: people can tell something is "off" about me in a fraction of a second and will be anywhere from begrudgingly polite to overtly hostile about it, terminal "not like other girls" disease/feeling of disconnect with existing in a feminine body, can pace for hours on end until my legs hurt, frequent crying & shutdowns, talk about myself and my interests extensively and can't seem to find a way to stop or better relate to others outside of mirroring them, productive work that actually *utilizes* my talents seems to only happen in increasingly infrequent bursts of hyperfocus, recurring identity issues stemming from a fundamental feeling of being born wrong and belonging nowhere, visceral hypersensitivity means i'm in pain from the normal functioning of my own organs for most of the day, people have compared me to sheldon cooper and elon musk, i am constantly begging for the sweet release of death,

[welcometoteyvat]

if I were to ever ship xingqiu and chongyun it would have to be only chongqiu no switch bc ship tags organized by top/bottom dynamics are Good actually

[automatonknight]

art posted whatever. time to fucking. sew!!!!!!!!!!!

[daz4i]

if i may complain for a bit about something that doesn't actually matter and can be easily avoided. god i hate fics that baby-fy chuuya

[woolydemon]

tf:p is popular and probably better quality media in comparison to the rest of the tf catalogue but also everybody is annoying about it and the cgi faces are kinda ugly so I don't like it

[chisatowo]

Valentines is my worst enemy except for when bndori does it then it's my best friend. Catch me getting stress headaches from valentines day and then turning on my sayotsugu valentines Moca background tablet to go look at screenshots from the time I tiered valentines wasn't built in a day

[jonnestt]

me when the hero doesn't get the good ending: that's just life 😅

me when the antihero doesn't quite get the very best ending: NOOOOOUUUUUUU 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 WHAAAAAAAAAIIIII 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 YOU CAN MAKE IT BETTER 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 THIS DOESN'T HAVE TO BE! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 THERE ARE OTHER WAYS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😥😥😥😥😥😥😥😥😟😟😟😟😟😟😒😒😒😒🤔 The ontological division between story and reader, imposed by the medium, is a cruel act upon the empathetic. 🤔 Torture, in other words, for those most driven to do good as defined as leading to well-being for those who are at least minimally good. 🤔

🤔 This compounds the fact that antiheros appeal most to those with a self-perception lacking in good will, which is most often created by a current or near past environment in which morally ambiguous or even reprehensible acts were necessary. 🤔

🤔 Thus they are likely to be in, or return to an environment which provides not only ample chances, but often requires a conscious choice to be good -which rules out any compelling arguments against the morality of the action-. 🤔

🤔 To conclude. This story diminishes the well-being of those who's circumstances allow for the most good and who are most driven to do good; of those currently most good. Therefore, by the aforementioned definition, and hesitating to consider it bad, the creation of a story such as this is the least morally good act thinkable. 🤔

[mathmusicreading]

Blog(ger) Shift

I am, so weird and bad about original posting and about reblogging and about saving things on Tumblr and that's why my blog has been mostly inactive or the lurking consumer type. But I don't want my fears about putting myself out there, being seen and known, articulating myself well vs. having been told my whole life I'm too wordy and opinionated vs. not managing to articulate myself well enough to justify being verbose and passionate, etc. to continue to control me so much.

So for my new specific-interest sideblog that I'm not locking, I hope it being themed will help me with making more original posts and reblogging, and I'm publicizing that here to push myself and also welcome interaction.

RIP to my other public specific-interest sideblog and the fandom sideblog I took over for someone that I didn't take further and to my private sideblogs that were meant to make me reblog and save and say stuff because they would be personal and just for me. I still would like to make those happen and reblogging and posting things that matter to me here, and oh my heart for the content ideas I haven't been working on, but they're pipedreams with how I'm (not) managing my life and I keep kicking those cans down the road.

To the person who I developed a real relationship with as a beta but who by now I probably count as having disappeared on with how long it's been and my not coming back to explicitly say I still can't help and don't know when I can, I am so sorry. I'm being a coward languishing in hoping I can tell you soon that I can get back into beta-ing for you and talking, but that's turned into me not talking to you because I'm waiting to be able to say something positive. Hopefully my vaguing here can help push me into talking to you, or at least this is here for you to read if you happen to see it; and I want you to know you absolutely can talk to me, can call me out, and if you're so gracious as to still want to be friends with me and just chat despite my dropping being your beta, I'm here for you and still want to be your friend even if I don't know if I'll have the spoons to be a good one and I know my saying that preemptively isn't apology or justification enough.

Honest assessment, I'm going to curse and say my living situation and work have both become even more of a shitshow, and with those things in mind I can't begin to imagine handling a real project until basically literally a year from now.

Which segues back into the main topic of this post. My goal isn't to have my new sideblog be like an active mainblog nor to abandon this blog—people interested in that blog can and should still interact with me here given how primary vs. secondary blogs on Tumblr work, and in terms of using that blog to help make me be a better Tumblr user, I think I should make certain original posts here and reblog them there as opposed to them being original there. With my mental-emotional and time resources, I want that blog to be "active" for a given definition of active, but really I think I should see my objective as "clear out tabs and likes and photos and lists and notes and drafts, etc. from the last four months" by saving stuff there, as opposed to my goal being the original posts I want to make there, and actually my long-term goal should be to use that momentum to do the same for older digital and physical storage that hasn't been lost or stolen. In my failure to be an interesting person, do I at least manage to be fascinating as a basket-case? Ha. But, also, as expressed above the Read More, the exercise of my danmei/Chinese sideblog is supposed to be a foray into me allowing myself to be an interesting person.

[strab3rr]

(long story and no short sorry) GUYSSS I DID ITT

I INDUCED IT!!!!! I WAS PURE AS A FUCKING BABY

IDK WHAT TO SAY (ok enough w capslock)

i have so much to say and not a thing at da same time idk how

anyway i want to begin with thanking you @b4ddprincess bc youre the reason i realized why i started this thing. thank you for making my life better and make me realized what i need to do: nothing. (its same for you guys, all u have to do is nothing)

two fuckn years ago i said to myself that i need a better life, quiter life, less fight with everthing bc everything was so loud and not clear i was feeling lost like a child in the market, and i wanted to make things better for myself in every way, but the main idea of my reasons to wanting to get in the void was: making anxiety go and having better people in my life. but the ''voidlist'' just never stopped bc im kinda greedy(having the idea of controling on your life, the idea of that power makes you greedy. yes thats a thing) anyway the more i add to the list the more i feel like im movin away from my desires then i feel depressed bc ive overcomplicating it bc theres so many things to do but i dont do anything so nothing happend bc i was waiting to be someth happen. and then i started doing awkwardly silly things such as: void routines and challenges and (im embarrassed of this one bc i was too desperate) drinking water

youve read it correct drinking water.

i was sooo desperate for having those things id do anything to get them.

i am simple. i want what everyone wants🎀🎀🎀: shifting realities bc i have so many crush and i need them to be crush me in bed(for 2020 girlies)

being an academic weapon is so easy for me🎀(bc of the urge to make my family proud) +dream collage

being the girl that everyone gets along w(basic needs)

being the girl who is pretty not cute(trauma response)

glowing aura(cats loves people w glowing aura yes thats a thing too)

dream body n hair(bc i deserve this🎀)

healthy (girlyfriend)friends(basic needs)

and of course him, my sp(i cant tell wich one at that time but i releived that its not him now, bc MY BELOVED CURRENT BF. guyss he is the one. dont u dare ask me how you know? i literally manifested him🎀)

then i realized i can have everything bc its my reality so why not add these:

new phone, +macbook air

dream apartment of my own

pinterest closet

lifa app for this reality

financially free-money(a lot. like really a lot)

knowing 4 languages like a native person(bc i want to be diplomat so bad) +sign language(its in general)

a little drama(its not gonna hurt anybody)

my parents being more lovable and away from me

every time i try to get in, either i was failing or falling

and im sick of it, sick of it so much i quit.(for a year)

then i go to the theraphy(ofc no im jk ilove being crazy)

one day i saw a post ss from tumblr about pure consciousness on pinterest and i was like whaat is thiiss. no mention of void so i thougt its a diffrent thing and i download the tumblr again and search everything abt it. and same excitement again after one year same thougts and same list popes up in my head. and i was like ok maybe this time itll happen.

still waiting to be someth happen so nothing happend, it was such a waste of time trying to get in while i was already be, i was already what i want to become. i was that girl that everyone gets along with but i couldnt even see bc i was too focused on wanting to be. but still tried every night and failed. and again tried-failed-quit circle bc.. have you ever met me🎀

4 month ago i saw the girl, iconic blogger and the goddess of my dreams, her @b4ddprincess thx again love u so much

a post pops in my fyp and i see the words ''pure consciousness'' i was like noo not again. and i was serious abt it i wasnt gonna read the whole thing but it attract me n i couldnt resist it so ive read it from the top to the bottom. and she got my interest so i stalked her page from the last and to the first post. it was quiet a beautiful journey for me. lasted like 3 days, the end of the 3rd day i was ''woaw it was this easy all along? u cant be serious.'' she was. i tried one last time, no breathing exercise, no ridiculous routines and no waiting something to be happen. it was just me being real me chilling out asf.

and it was this easy and it should be this easy bc being your 4d self is being nothing also being everything at the same time. if u wanna be everything you should be nothing first(as wizardliz saying: drop the old story, leave the victimhood, for being better stop being bitter etc.)u should make a space for everything first and then u can be everything.

for being 4d self of yours stop being your3dself.

sooo long story (no)short i am writing this from my mac in my new apartment(in middle of the night bc i couldnt sleep and then one tumblr notification reminded me i have a success story to share too) and my phone buzzing two minutes a time bc of my friends while im writing this, so if theres anything wrong ignore it pls.

oh u asking my bf how cute, hes sleepin in my bed now, exhausted from the work n school balance.

YWS SCHOOL!! im in my dream collage and im going to be in paris for a week. i deserve a vacation i guess(its for another conference), i kinda hate french men bc theyre so mansplaning(not like how i imagined, its hard to be friends w them)girls are cute but i feel like theyre aware im not permanent there so we just con buddies still cute and hepful for this foreigner.

and i canceled the lifa app thingy bc i can be my purest consciousness anytime i want, so i am my lifa app.

and thx to 4 languages i make a lot of money and that brings us to the pinterest closet, yesterday i realiased that. theyre not comes to me w an imaginary way like i imagined! i go outside for shopping casually and theyre there luckily i have enough money to buy them.

and my family theyre living in our hometown now so as i want it to be, we are away from eachother.

and the most magical thing: SHIFTING REALITIESSS

i did 5 world before i met w my bf. it was such a wonderful experience. if you have doubts abt shifting you can go fuck urself

because sir i did it and i am very sure that dean winchester being my husband is not a daydream, fantasy nor lucid dreaming. believe it or not he kissed me GOD HE KİSSED ME(someone should stop me i have a bf)

is there anything i missed let me see.. cats i have 2 cats now and theyre adorable. glowing aura-check

the girl who is pretty not cute- check +make anxietygo-checkcheckcheck

dream body and hair- check and check

i wanna give u a info i didnt have all my desires by being my4dself

not directly actually. but i have them all. and thats the point.

im not trying to be a blogger but if you have any question abt anything, id be happy to help

now i need to upgrade things in my farm byeess

loves, siena.