#i am going to write some stuff and then play some minecraft to celebrate ...also fuck around in genshin just a little bit

[wr1t3w1tm3]

So... I fucked up.

TLDR: I made a post that sounded creepy, people were concerned, I deleted post and clarified that I was not, in fact, writing RPFics of minors. Thank you commentors.

Timeline: On Sunday I got the idea to write a Hermitcraft AU where the Hermits with kids did a "take your kid to work day" thing and let them play on Hermitcraft. There was gonna be an egg hunt, and chaos was gonna ensue. It would take place in a Minecraft is IRL AU as well where the server served as a sort of military/research base or something. Like the Antarctic research base IRL.

However, as evident by the first screen shot, I very poorly worded it and several people commented on the original posts telling me not to write about the Hermits children.

IDK what else to say except that I never intended to do that. I worded that very poorly. Like, very, very poorly. I deleted the posts after taking these screenshots on mobile because they do come off as weird at best and creepy at worst. I reached out to the people who commented telling me not to write about the Hermits kids and clarified the situation with them prior to deletion.

The only reason I didn't get around to deleting the posts earlier was because by the time I realized how creepy it was on Monday I was traveling back to my Uni after break, and I had no time. Tuesday, I had two labs and had to begin studying for two exams on Friday, and I had work as well. Today is the first day I've had time to sit down and actually do stuff that isn't school/work related.

So, what was I attempting to do? I was trying to figure out which Hermits had kids and about how old said kids were (like if they were grade/middle/high school/adult was what I was going for), so I could come up with characters (either from my own OC backlog or create a new character) who would be their kids in the AU and then write the AU from there.

Prior to asking this question I did already know that a couple of the Hermits (Tango, Bdubs, and Skizz) had kids. I also knew that Skizz specifically had a college age daughter because of his Hermitcraft video that came out around the time I made the post. I, however, am one person and there was no way I was gonna be able to go through and eliminate every Hermit on my own, so I decided to ask Tumblr.

Another reason I deleted the original post was because someone gave me some very specific ages for some of the Hermit kids and I honestly do not know how they got that information but after realizing how weird my post came off and seeing that, I didn't feel 100 percent comfortable keeping it up. Obviously, that information is somewhere on the internet, so it's more likely whichever Hermit revealed that info was okay with it going public, but since I don't have time to verify, I don't wanna risk it being leaked.

I want it to be known now that I do not and will NEVER EVER write RPF. As a genre I think it's interesting, but only when done in a historical context. Or a parody context, because fuck politics. I have never and will never write RPF outside of maybe including real presidents, politicians, world leaders, and celebrities in realistic fiction, if you'd consider that RPF. If I continue work on the Hermitcraft IRL AU thing, which currently is not likely due to time constraints coming up, I will let everyone know. Thank you to everyone who did help me with research and who brough my original posts oddness to the forefront. Love ya'll.

[steviespookiee]

﹒ ──── ✩ ！ !INTRODUCTION! ! ✩ ──── ﹒

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 🎞  ｡ﾟ Strawbunni☆

　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

17 / She!her / RadFem / Bisexual 🎀

Joe keery ML♡♪ Sabrina Carpenter always `02.10`

.　 . • ☆ . Links! ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

Non currently!

Twitter: SOON!!

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

Hi, my names Strawbunni! (Or Strawb for short!)

(Like strawberry bunny🐰)

And this is my about me - some information about who I am and what I wanna post here on Tumblr!

I’ve been on Tumblr for half a year now, (Thanks to my best friend🩷) and the community is amazing! I’ve always been too scared to post or interact with people, but I want to start making friends and building a community of my own.

What will I post?

For now I will just post random thoughts I have, updates on certain celebrities (like new photos being posted, concerts ect.) Maybe some art projects, The Sims 4 content, Royale High stuff and reposting anything I find hilariously funny.

Eventually I want to start writing and posting my own fan fiction! Mostly Stranger Things! (it’s a special interest of mine.) some Supernatural, The Walking dead, POSSIBLY The Last Of Us if I can bring myself to play the game. (I’m too scared.) and a few other TV shows! So feel free to give me suggestions or requests for any fics you’d wanna see in the future, don’t be shy!

What are my interests/hobbies?

My BIGGEST hobby is gaming! As a kid I always played on my mums iPad, or my dad’s PS3, eventually my sister got an Xbox that I started using, and then I eventually got my own laptop! Which then for me into getting my own gaming computer. Here are a list of games I love and currently play! VVV

• Dead By Daylight

• The Sims 4

• VALORANT

• Overwatch

• Roblox

• Disney Dreamlight Valley

• Minecraft

• Resident Evil. (Leon Scott Kennedy😍).

Some other interests I have! VVV STRANGER THINGS! Like I previously said before stranger things is my special interest, i love it with all my heart, my room is CONSUMED by it and my life revolves around it and Steve Harrington. I love collecting funko pops, I have a shelf in my room that’s almost full of funkos! Most of them being stranger things!🤭 I have vinyls of the ST sound track, posters, framed photos, plushes. I recently went to Stranger things: The First Shadow - so I got a lot of merch and momentum’s from that. I also like Supernatual, Riverdale, Heartstopper B99, Dynasty, H20: Just Add Water, And so many more! 🎀 ———————— 🎀

Writing! 📝

I’ve always had a nack for writing and creative stories, that’s why I want to write fan fiction so much, combining two things I love, writing and imagination! Taking a TV show or a game and making it a world that exists and heals people, giving them happiness reading about their favourite characters and feeling a connection with them! It’s helped me through a lot and brings me a happiness I don’t get from anything else, what can I say? I’m delulu🤭. 🎀 ———————— 🎀

Guitar! 🎸

I’m currently learning how to play guitar, my friend is generously giving me free lessons, she’s also let me borrow her acoustic and electric guitar! I 100% prefer electric and want one of my own, I currently know TWO MITSKI songs that I learnt within my first lesson, in 4 hours. I’ve always wanted to learn to play but it looked so hard and I doubted myself, but once I gave it a go I realised I just have to try and keep going, and that beginning lesson was what I needed to jump start this hobby! :) 🎀 ———————— 🎀

Acting! 🎭

I’ve always loved acting, when I was 13 I used to do a lot of roleplay online, it’s not acting but it made me realise that I actually have an interest in that kind of stuff! I’m currently doing a Performing Arts course in college, which is going so well! I’m in the highest level and I got the lead in the Christmas musical! Sadly I had to give the role to someone else because I had too much course work to be able to learn the script in time, but it made me so happy knowing my skills were good enough and that I wasn’t wasting my time! Maybe I’ll get a job working on a movie and Joe Keery will be my characters love interest🤭! A girl can dream, right? 🤷‍♀️

If you made it this far, thank you for reading and I hope we get along well! Feel free to drop me a message, I don’t bite!😊 I hope that some of you stick around and help me work my way through the community, until next time, bye! 🩷

My bestie: @daryldixonsbub Go follow her! She’s supported me through so much and I absolutely love her to bits🩷

!DISCLAIMER! PHOTOS ARE NOT MINE, I GOT THEM OFF PINTEREST.

And thank you too @arson-fox, ML<3 for helping me edit the photos🐰

[mangaien]

I AM DONE WITH MY STUPID STATSTICS EXAM. I HAVE A NEW COMPUTER AND I AM BACK BABY!

[thegeminisage]

ASK MEME

i got tagged by @runawaymarbles, tyvm i lov doing these

What book are you currently reading?

no books atm but i'm actually getting through the entire tag of a rarepair from ff13...only 41 fics :(

What’s your favorite movie you saw in theatres this year?

did i go to a theater this year...? surely at least once. OH YEAH i went to see sonic 2. since that's the only movie i saw in theaters this year that'll be my favorite one

What do you usually wear?

comfy-at-home clothes: tank top, shorts, no-show socks, hair fork, & bandana. out & about clothes: bandana & hair fork if i'm working or my hair needs washing, otherwise i keep it loose. a lot of black pants/shorts and bright glittery monochrome or tye-dye tank tops w/ black or rainbow choker, rainbow earrings, pride bracelet, smiley face ring, rainbow ring, ace ring, and sometimes my triforce necklace. if it's cold i will also wear rainbow arm warmers/socks and fingerless gloves with the pink peace symbols on them. if i'm REALLY dressing up i will wear rainbow tights under a long shirt or short dress. wow sorry this is the longest answer so far i just really love bright fashion!!! i can't believe god nerfed me by making plus sized clothes fucking suck so bad

How tall are you?

5’1 :/

What’s your Star Sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event?

i think i'm actually a cancer LMFAO. and stuck with this username...idk about any celebrities but my birthday IS on the summer solstice which is absolutely bitchin' in my professional opinion. i could not possibly have asked for a better date although i do wish it didn't have to fall on father's day sometimes

Do you go by your name or a nick-name?

i go by liz which is not my legal first name. technically my legal middle name isn't liz either it's like elizabeth obviously but my first name is cringefail and nobody can spell it OR say it so i just don't tell most people what it is lol. i started going by liz when i was in 8th grade and sometimes my mom STILL messes it up...

Did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child?

no BUT as a kid i really really really really REALLY wanted pink hair. as an adult no one can stop me. kid me would be so jealous of adult me's look in EVERY way

What’s something you’re good at vs. something you’re bad at?

good at: dreaming. you know how in the 40s-60s most people dreamed in black and white because that was how tv looked? apparently if you play enough video games you'll get so good at controlling a simulated environment you can simply wake up on command. i never completely mastered lucid dreaming but it's a neat trick anyway. bad at: sleeping. exhibit a: i am answering this meme at 2:30 in the fucking morning, and i have not had 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep since december 10. that's like 28 days!

Dogs or cats?

CATS!!!!!!! i like dogs too tho

What’s something you would like to create stuff for?

i would love to draw some zelda art. i just need a new tablet sadly none of the old ones work with my pc

If you draw/write, or create in any way, what’s your favourite picture/favourite line/favourite etc. from something you created this year?

UGH i can't post it, it's in the undisclosed project

What’s something you’re currently obsessed with?

so a very long time ago when we were teenagers my brother showed me minecraft. i played half an hour of it and then gave the controller back and told him i couldn't keep going because i would quite literally never put it down if i did. unfortunately i did NOT show that same level of foresight and self-restraint when downloading the demo of SLIME RANCHER. in my defense i was utterly unprepared for its sheer potency. i played exactly four minutes of the demo before i caved and bought it - $5 was a steal - without realizing how absolutely lethal it is to combine adhd with a farming sim especially during seasonal depression months. this thing has been churning out dopamine so fast my stupid little rat brain can't keep up. i'm frying every last pleasure receptor i ever had as thoroughly as i possibly can. i am begging one of you to physically come to my house and uninstall it from my pc.

What’s something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?

andor 🙏 sorry to all andor enjoyers but it fucking sucked (except for the prison break)

What’s a hidden talent of yours?

i'm freakishly good at packing things. items into boxes, boxes into vehicles, organizing drawers and closets, etc. at my house we call it "tetrising" since i guess that's a pro gamer move that translates to the real world..................

Are you religious?

no i am disqualified for being gay <3

What’s something you wish to have at this moment?

a completed copy of this photo album i'm supposed to be making. i got behind bc i was playing slime rancher :(

ok im tagging @slaygentford @maulthots @brownbicon @machidielontheway @paty-ofarrell @ozymandiasdirge @moogleterra @marcelgerard @elsa12tmnt @smellslikebot @youngbenkenobi and anyone else who wants to do it, do it & say i tagged you!!

[amazingphilza]

study buddies :: cc!multiple x reader

fluff , platonic , gender neutral ! some headcanons if the mcyts were trying to help you do hw :D

cc’s included in order: tommyinnit , tubbo , ranboo , wilbur soot , philza , technoblade

tommyinnit

i feel like he’s the type to be in a long discord call with you whilst you both try to finish your work

mans uses the screensharing feature like there’s no tomorrow

“y/n watch my stream on discord and help me guess the answers”

“tommy no! i haven’t even taken a film class before”

“your guess is good as mine”

“just cheat and google the answers!!!”

“fuck you”

he actually just wants your attention because he’s bored out of his mind doing homework

five minutes later of asking you to help him guess questions he’s like

“hey y/n”

“what now?”

“let’s play bedwars”

“oh my god shut up!!!”

if tommy has to speedrun something before a deadline, it is a whole different story tho; he will be so focused on completing that he won’t hear what you’re saying

if you’re struggling in math, you’re on your own

“math is shit, only numbers i need is my primes and youtube analytics” says tommy any time you complain about math

besides the fact he isn’t good at solving math problems, you can’t even read his handwriting if he did try showing you how to do a problem

“okay, y/n, it’s simple, just look” he says in his kareninnit voice and everything

you’d be like “is the variable a G or a 9??”

“fuck you that’s a 4!!!”

tubbo

i don’t know if tubbo ever talked about school before but something about him makes me think he’s actually pretty good at math

like he can explain a few things when it comes to math / algebra

CODING GO BRRRR

no geometry or calculus though, anything past algebra will go bad

if tubbo is doing homework with you, he will definitely tune you out

“hey tubbo can you help me on this question?”

you don’t get a response until like 20 minutes later

“oh yeah, what was it y/n?”

like now you answer? i just got the answer myself after so long, forget you smh

“oh nothing tubbo, nevermind!”

but you’re still grumbling in your head because if he answered just a bit earlier you wouldn’t have gone through the work of finding the answer online

i can also imagine if you’re taking chemistry tubbo is like ;

“oh you’re taking chemistry? let’s make some bombs!” /lh

tubbo would definitely pull an all-nighter with you to finish your projects together

if you had a group project, he would make you do the writing part while he does the drawing part

“we definitely aced this project”

“of course we did, if i made you draw we would’ve ended up with stick figure diagrams”

“TUBBO. THE FUCK?”

ranboo

okay i know ranboo said he isn’t a theatre or band kid (unless im wrong and forgetful) but i feel like he’d be somewhat educated in the topics nonetheless

half the time he’s great moral support, helping you stay motivated !

the other half is him making fun of you

“i cant believe you’re failing, that is so sad, can’t be me”

“it’s literally an honors class, ranboo! it’s supposed to be hard!!”

“taking an honors class willingly? also cant be me AHAHA”

i honestly can’t see ranboo going to school like i know he’s a minor and said he had zoom calls before and plays volleyball but like did i miss something? has he dropped out yet? like something about ranboo does not scream “student” /lh

besides that, i’m not sure what subject he would actually be good in,,, but something about nutrition/health sciences,, he knows a few things

don’t get me wrong, i don’t think he actually likes the subject but somehow remembers what he learned from the class

also gives me the type of energy of the type of person to take a first aid class to be a certified person to do cpr on someone just to kill time during his lunch breaks for a while or something

“i am a certified cpr person”

“my life in ranboo’s hands? oh god please no”

you two would probably joke about the ‘bad’ people in your classes or talk shit about your schools than actually doing anything homework related ngl AHAHAH

“you think your school is down bad? mine went back to campus full time after like 6 months into quarantine because they were running out of money”

“what the hell y/n? your school is a scam, drop out”

“arghhhh i knowww”

“i bet i make more money than your teachers combined AHAHAH”

wilbur soot

he doesn’t seem like the best person to ask for help for homework but can info dump you on very specific historical events + a bit of geography

i kinda see him as the person you can ask to proof read an essay for you and would help it improve immensely

who needs a thesaurus when you have vocabulary boy wilbur?

i dunno if it’s an american thing only or at all, but if/when you get to studying hamilton in your english class, he will get so fucking excited

“no wilbur it isn’t fun! imagine listening to lin-manuel miranda rap ‘alexander hamilton’ at the white house from like 2009 on repeat for over an hour whilst trying to write an analysis about it!! it was so distracting”

“well clearly someone has a personal problem with mr lin-manuel. if i were you, i’d be singing the whole thing”

is this last bit personal and complete spite from my freshman year english class? yes. i do not care? no. /hj

unrelated but i actually scribbled nice guy ballad lyrics and other songs on my english scratch papers in freshman year but anyway

probably isn’t the best person to be in a call to do homework with but wilbur doesn’t mind you ringing him occasionally sometimes

i dunno i can just see him easily get bored of the silence or something but also doesn’t want to bother you too much

but he is genuinely proud of you whenever you tell him you aced a big test you were studying for :D

philza

this man’s bad advice is as bad as him trying to help you on any subject

he’s an old man so /hj

but like honestly, he hasn’t been at school for so long, phil can probably only help with the most basic things when it comes to school

if you have a wack teacher that makes you collect data through surveying people, phil would be one of the best people to ask! straightforward and won’t take too much of your time compared to other people ahem,,

statistics things ! sobs

if you ever complain a lot about your classes and contemplating dropping out and stuff, he will def scold you hard

“ugh phillllllllll can i just like,, never go to school again?”

“do not drop out”

“argh fine, i won’t just ‘cause philza minecraft said so”

honestly if you get a high score in a big test like your sats/gcse’s (whatever you’re taking from wherever you are) he’d probably order you a small meal or something to celebrate :D

like how phil bought ranboo bought him food to his house, it would start as a joke but when you get your test scores back he’s like “YOOO GOOD JOB Y/N”

expect a left meat pizza coming to your house .

technoblade

like wilbur, techno is also helpful when it comes to history!

def knows a decent bit of literature too

besides that i don’t really see him being that helpful

even if he was supposed to be an english major

he will just get mad at the school system for teaching you useless things

“being in school is good but why do you need to know how to know if something is a triangle or not? i can obviously see with my eyes that it’s a triangle”

“i dunno! ask the person that made up geometry”

“just look at a kaleidoscope and be over with it, it isn’t that hard”

“that isn’t how it works—”

“bruhhh”

if you’re looking for the person to call while doing homework, he is not the person /lh

it’s either like 0 or 100 with techno

he can just completely not say anything and ignore you or go on a full rant about whatever class or homework you have

if you have an essay you need written, it will take a lot of bribing but he might take the opportunity if you are rich

“techno i’ll paypal you $10 please help me”

“no. i can make 10 times that amount in 5 minutes if i just started streaming right now”

“techno i don’t have that kind of money! pleaseee”

“no. instead of complaining, you can use that time to actually start you work”

“you’re the worst”

then you speedrun the essay and get an A just to spite him

[yourfavouritetragedy]

I was adding onto the DSMP Actor AU post, but it turned into Wilbur musician AU, haha rip me, and I only know SBI anyways so here’s a separate post. (It goes back to actor AU at the end.) It’s hypothetically still in the same universe though, and obviously inspired by it. If anything’s phrased weirdly, it’s cuz this was originally an addition to that. 

tbh I kinda adhered to their IRL careers too much compared to the OP but whatever it’s fine. 

Also frick the “Dream SMP” for not having a better title lmaooo

Wilbur is an indie artist really on the come up

Your City Gave Me Asthma was pretty good for a first release, popular with both new fans and fans of his acting.

He had starred in a short mystery/thriller-ish series that started off disguised as a normal sitcom: Chilly in Lincolnshire {Editor Wilbur ARG}

It had a prominent release because of Jack Massey’s involvement and previous fame, but production was abruptly scrapped before it tied everything up with a bow on top, so to speak. It’s still unclear if this was actually planned in order to tell the story the way they way wanted. 

Even before that, critics had mixed reviews, either applauding the storytelling and acting or calling it “irrationally confusing, an amateurish attempt to box unconventional storytelling into a conventional medium.”

Also SootHouse was a sitcom that achieved a cult following during the two seasons it ran before cancellation. Either you’re a fan or you’re never heard of it, and people constantly forget Wilbur was in it. 

(He was a few other old shows on his resume too. Wilbur always focuses on the newest project, so everyone always forgets about what he was in before.) 

Maybe I Was Boring EP was initially just bonus tracks on his website, but his fans liked it so much he gave it a wider release

In between, he had a few comedy songs go viral on youtube. Everybody was so confused when they realized it was the same Wilbur as musician/actor Wilbur. He laughed about it in an interview, saying “How many Wilburs do you know?” 

That’s when it came out that “Wilbur Soot” was actually a stage name. (”Ha, fair, only one.” “Make that zero-- my name’s not really Wilbur.”)

He kinda disappeared after that?? Didn’t do anything, really inactive on social media. It was semi-confirmed that he was both working on his mental health and prepping some stuff (music, auditions).

But anyways he just released a series of singles, combined into Digital Love {E-girl trilogy}-- he’s transformed his image yet again, but this time he does take ownership of all his past ventures.

The release of Digital Love bridges the end of SMP Earth and the beginning Dream SMP. 

But before that there was MCC and the other stuff.

They are shows where celebrities team up do stuff-- you know the type 

but Minecraft Monday is still inexplicably Minecraft Monday. Some Youtuber just managed to get all these up and coming celebrities to play a Minecraft tournament. 

And that’s where the Sleepy Bois (minus Tommy) met IRL so that’s where they meet here. 

SMP Earth, like Minecraft Manhunts, is also a former show they were on. I’m going to call it World Domination. Don’t @ me; I know that’s trash lol. 

They and the Dream Team met up because of their shared fanbases and were even talking a crossover, but it didn’t really work that well for the stories so they scrapped it

They make a non-canon cross over episode anyways {no IRL equivalent, I think}

Everybody loves the cons. Everytime there’s a con, five friendships are made and eight ideas are created. 

Techno backstory time

He’s done a lot of long running, though not exactly popular, serials and sitcoms: Blitz, Survival Games, and Sky Wars. 

Winstreak: 1000 {Bed Wars 1000 winstreak} was so popular they made a second season, but it never got as big as the first. He worked nearly exclusively with Hypixel Studios. 

He was doing lots of random content for their new Sky World universe {Skyblock} -- the small studio was big on experimentation -- , when a fictional documentary, The Great Potato War, went proper viral. 

They made two sequels WHILE he was doing those celebrity team challenge shows and then World Domination, and they were actually good sequels.

Got a reputation for being shallow and a sell-out, but he makes a joke of it so much he gets away with it and constantly self-promos.

Also a kinda scary to work with for the first time because of how single-minded he can get, but once you realize how socially awkward he is it’s okay.  

Now that’s he’s in a lot of stuff with worldbuilding, he practically has the wikis memorized. 

Tommy mainly did limited series and movies before World Domination, where he met the SBI.

He’d had been a fan of Wilbur for a while, and was super star-struck at first, but got over it really quickly in his Tommy style

He still is a total fanboy at concerts and whenever a new music video drops. “I’m friends with the guy! I know him, Wilbur Soot!” “Tommy, you’re famous too.” “Yeah, cuz I’m practically in the video!” “No--” 

Wilbur takes Tommy to one of his concerts and he’s so hyped the entire time, especially to go behind the scenes and on the stage. 

Sometimes he gets stressed about the pressure of being a child star, but Techno, Philza, and Wilbur promise to stand by him and they make him feel protected 

One time Wilbur’s drunk and almost hands Tommy a drink before swearing and going, “You’re a bloody child! You can’t have that! God, what would Philza think?” Tommy’s not sure whether to be relieved or disappointed. 

Philza laughs at the story and actually lets Tommy try a little in a more controlled, responsible situation. Tommy texts his mum first, and then hates the drink anyways. (”This is rubbish! I am a man, but I’m not drinking this!” Techno: “Alcohol is disappointing. I drink orphan’s tears instead.” “Techno WHAT--”)

Philza had been the star of a zombie apocalypse show: Golden Core 

He did canonically die to a child zombie in the movie version. Yes, they made a movie version of the TV show, because the Golden Core franchise actually has had many other shows {other hardcore series}. 

Everybody tries to get the child zombie props near him because of that (they’re puppets)

He’s done a lot of other things, like in the original actor AU post, but none of them came close in popularity. 

He gives the rest of the SBI the knowledge he’s gained from being in the biz for so long. 

There’s also a running joke about SBI meaning “Spy Boys Incorporated” and them starring in a comedy spy movie

The fans would very much actually like this to happen. There’s so many fanons for it (maybe I’ll write one....) 

Back to the DSMP. Maybe I’ll call it Dreamland or smth. 

Wilbur constantly asks Tommy if he’s okay after any difficult scenes

Especially when they were hanging out together a lot in the exile arc.

All the brother scenes were cut because Wilbur kept breaking down and crying in them.

Sometimes people actually ask Techno and Tommy if they’re actually brothers. Tommy tries to go along with it half the time on the basis of “it’s be funny,” so there’s a subset of casual fans that genuinely don’t know. 

After Alivebur was killed off, Wilbur was going to leave the show to concentrate on his music

But he missed the SMP and hanging so much that he just showed up on set one day saying “I’m a ghost now,” and everyone just rolled with it

Alivebur was so popular that, seeing that Wilbur was willing, they decided to bring him back for Season 3. He’s been avoiding doing heavy scenes, but he still seems really invested and like he wants to come back to the show.

Wilbur talks with Techno about writing and lore a lot

it’s one the few times Wilbur actually seems like the older one

Wilbur attempted to get a D&D group going in the cast, but the show was already close enough, with the amount of improvisation they can get by with

Tommy’s Pigstep cover happened, but the background was Philza clapping barely in time with just Wilbur on bass instead (and of course Techno’s “BAHP”s)

It was a charity stream. They had put on their costumes (clothes only) for a previous goal. 

This one was simply called “We rap.”

Some people were almost disappointed that Tommy was the only one actually rapping, but he was so funny it made up for it. 

Okay I spent the whole morning on this and it got way too long but I think I’m finally out of ideas. sorry haha hope you enjoyed! ^_^

[lucemferto]

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT TECHNOBLADE (or A Narrative Analysis of the Dream SMP Doomsday Event) - Script

Heyo! Per request I am posting the script to my video of the same name here on tumblr. I must warn you that just reading the script will probably not give you the full experience, so I would encourage you to watch the video (linked above).

There might also still be a lot of grammatical errors in the text, because I don’t proofread.

Okay, so! I don’t want this to turn into a reaction channel OR a Dream SMP channel for that matter! I am planning on doing a big dumb, way too long analysis video on the Dream SMP which will – at my current pace – come out in five years. I am already way too late on this one.

Spoiler Alert for the Doomsday Event that took place on the 6th of January in the Dream SMP. Surely the worst thing to take place on the 6th of January 2021 … I’m sorry, what’s this about the Capitol?

In case you don’t watch the SMP and need context: The Dream SMP is a Minecraft Multiplayer Server, that, throughout the last year, has transformed from a normal Let’s Play to an ongoing new-media series streamed by multiple high-profile streamers such as Dream, TommyInnit or Technoblade. It comes complete with script – by which I mean loose bullet points – and story events. It has attracted a large fanbase specifically invested in the story and less so in the actual gameplay content. Like I said before, I will probably do a big video on the Dream SMP at some point in the future.

The storyline is long and complicated and trying to explain it all would take up the majority of the video and there are other channels who have already done a much better job than I could ever hope to do, so give them a watch. I’ll try to summarize all that is pertinent to what I will talk about in this video.

Okay, let’s speedrun this summary. Cue the music!

Major Players here are TommyInnit, a founder of the independent nation of L’Manburg, Technoblade, an anarchist who was deep in conflict with L’Manburg, Tubbo, Tommy’s best friend and current president of L’Manburg, and Dream, the ruler of the Kingdom of the Dream SMP (even though he is not the king, but we’re not going to get into that right now). Tommy had in the past been exiled by Tubbo for endangering L’Manburg’s shaky peace with the Dream SMP. Tommy had then teamed up with Technoblade, who was hellbent on destroying L’Manberg after some prior altercations – more on that later.

Tommy and Tubbo came into conflict during a festival set-up to celebrate the friendship between L’Manburg and the Dream SMP. After punching out their feelings, Tommy came to the realization that his friendship with Tubbo was more important than his vendetta against Dream and those who exiled him. Techno took that change of heart badly and teamed up with Dream to destroy L’Manburg … and that’s exactly what happened.

Techno and Dream, with little to no opposition, obliterated L’Manburg with no hope for recovery leaving its inhabitants stranded hopeless and alone.

… And that’s what you missed on Dream SMP!

Okay. So, usually I just put whatever thought slime drips out of my mouth hole into your subscription box. But then I asked myself: “Am I not taking this a largely improvised nonsense story from a bunch of 16–24-year-olds a little too seriously?”. And then I remembered. I’m a pretentious bitch. I made an 18-minute video explaining why the popular commentary YouTuber memeulous is secretly the time travelling Anti-Christ, REASON HAS NO SWAY OVER ME!

So, like the English Major drop-out that I am, I will present you with two theses, which I will then combine into one … supratheses! That word doesn’t exist, I just coined it, it’s mine! I am very smart!

[I know words, I have the best words!]

 Thesis #1: The Fandom focuses too much on Character Analysis in Favour of Narrative Analysis

The Dream SMP is truly something special. It is uniquely singular in how it tells a story of this scope through its chosen medium. While there is an overarching script that lays out the plot points of the future, each of the 30+ streamers on the SMP are their own cameraman, director, writer and actor. You cannot watch “the Dream SMP” – if you attempted that, you would be 80 by the time you caught up to the Doomsday Event. You have to choose whom to watch. You have to choose your focal point character.

Because by the way the story is told and consumed – aka in such a compartmentalized fashion; you watch one streamer and get one character’s perspective – it has sort-of unintentionally conditioned fans to look at the SMP and its characters less as one coherent story with messages and themes and more as sports teams they can root for. You’re Team Techno or Team Tubbo or Team Tommy or Team JackManifoldTV (formerly known as Thunder1408) and every other side is in the wrong! It’s like Twilight for a decade old children’s game about virtual Lego!

Okay, I’m exaggerating, but the amount of discourse perpetuated by and revolving around so-called “apologists” – a terrible term that unfortunately has caught on – is really not something that I think is good for how we interact with the story of the Dream SMP.

The Dream SMP is discussed a lot on character-based level, which is, like I said before, hugely advantaged by the way the story is consumed by its audience. With traditional, visual media such as film for example, the audience can be made more aware of what messages the narrative might try to communicate on a narrative level without the need for an explicit narrator to tell you the moral.

As an example, in a movie you could have a smash-cut from the Butcher Army’s discussions about neutralizing the danger Technoblade poses to Techno being nice around villagers or taking care of animals. This would communicate on an extradiegetic level, that the Butcher Army is in the wrong with their assumptions. Alternatively, you could contrast Techno’s declarations that power corrupts and that Tubbo’s administration is cruel with Tubbo choosing not to punish Ranboo for his association with Techno – thus the narrative would communicate that Techno’s view of Tubbo and by extension the government is one-sided and not true to reality.

Stuff like that helps the viewer understanding a story holistically and manages to communicate stuff like themes and morals without having to solely rely on in-character logic and argumentation, which, as Ghostbur put it so eloquently, is comprised of a bunch of unreliable narrators.

Character analysis is great if we want dive deep, if we really want to give a character flavour and understand their motivations. It helps make the universe feel like it is alive, like it’s real. But – and this might be a shocker for you – it’s not real. It’s written. It is construction – and as such, in its construction, it has messages and themes and morals, intentionally or unintentionally.

By being so focused on specific characters and their individual journeys, viewpoints and motivation we really run the risk of not looking at the bigger picture and fail to see what the overarching narrative is actually communicating. And we may also fail to understand how characters might or might not fit into the overarching narrative.

Speaking of which …

 Thesis #2: Technoblade experiences very little Meaningfultm Thematic Conflict

Okay, let’s talk about Technoblade. I’m sure I’m not going to get any hate for this one.

I want to preface by saying that I don’t watch Technoblade’s streams; I catch up though clip channels and summaries. I’m mainly watching Tommy, Tubbo and Quackity – which is honestly already more than I can handle – but I want to be clear that while I’ll try to be as even-handed as possible – like I explained previously – the way I consumed the storylines will undoubtedly leave me with some bias.

Also, needless to say, I’m talking about the character Technoblade, not the actual content creator, unless I specifically say so. That should be obvious.

Now, I’m not doing a Technoblade character analysis, because that would be hypocritical of me – seeing how I just bitched about the overwhelming amounts of character analyses in the fandom – but I’ll try my best to summarize what is necessary.

Technoblade’s interesting in that he is a very static character – at least inwardly – he doesn’t change much. He is very steadfast in his beliefs and ideals and has very little introspection. He doesn’t question himself; he doesn’t waver, he is never in a bind about whether what he’s doing is right or wrong. He is very much a parallel to early TommyInnit – who, of course, famously said “I’m always in the right”.

And I want to emphasize that I mean this in no way as a critique of Techno’s character. A static character provides a nice contrast to more dynamic characters and can balance them out. It can also be utilised by the writing as a character flaw – which is what I hope content creator Techno is going for.

Like Techno doesn’t have a lot of empathy in the sense that he is particularly skilled at or interested in trying to see the viewpoints of others. There is never an attempt to reconcile, for example, the goal of the Pogtopians to reclaim L’Manberg and install another administration with his desire for an anarchist society. This is also compounded with his overreliance on violence as the only tactic for conflict resolution – Techno has a whole thesis statement about violence being the only universal language. I’m sure you’ve heard the quote.

And lastly, what really drives this all over the edge, is his all-or-nothing approach when dealing with the enemy – he is not so much eye for an eye as he is – to use another biblical example – you make fun of me for being bald and I’ll sic two bears on you that maul and kill you and 41 other children.

There’s also the open and completely unacknowledged hypocrisy of a self-described anarchist working together with a man that installs and dethrones Kings with his every whim – someone who – and I cannot stress this enough – hits about every box when it comes to the definition of tyrant.

So, what I’m saying is that Technoblade is the Dream SMP equivalent of Dick Chenney. C’mon you know it’s true! He will bomb that freedom into your country whether you want him to or not. That’s some cogent political commentary in the year 2021.

Okay, so now that I’ve outlined his character, what kind of conflicts does Technoblade face. Well, it’s mostly physical or external. He fights a lot whether it’s against Quackity or Sapnap or bodying Karl Jacobs five times in a row. And – with the exception of maybe Sapnap – none of it is challenging. Technoblade is the best PvP-Player on the server – there really isn’t much tension to be had from a purely physical fight.

So, how are these fights supplemented emotionally. Well, internally there is not a lot going on. As I said before, Technoblade isn’t really an introspective character. Even during his shouting match with Tommy there’s not a sense that Technoblade is wavering or unsure of himself in the way that Tommy is. He exposits that one of the reasons, he acts like he does is that he feels dehumanized; that people only use him like a weapon and then discard or even try to neutralize him once he’s no longer useful.

But that is not something that Technoblade has to grapple with – it’s not conflict for him, it’s more conflict for Tommy. Technoblade is self-assured in that he’s a person and not a weapon – it’s almost like there was a character arc there, where Technoblade self-actualizes and breaks away from the people that want to use him. But we didn’t see any of it. Technoblade unleashes the withers; then he goes into retirement because he wants to be, I suppose, and then he returns to violence as a reaction to the Butcher Army. There is a story of vengeance here, but not any conflict about being used. There is never a point where we see Technoblade come to this realization or comes to assert himself.

In season 1 there’s never a push from Pogtopia where the narrative frames them as exploiting Technoblade. He fights with them of his own volition, he gives them weapons and armour of his own volition. Nobody pressured Techno into procuring their inventory for the fight. And in Season 2, he’s the one to approach Tommy about their potential partnership – he is in the position of power here, explicitly not Tommy.

Like, I’m sorry, if this ruffles some feathers, but I really don’t see this arc where Technoblade is being used. There’s a story of misunderstanding and maybe co-dependency – but not of dehumanization. This entire line of thought seems to solely reference that moment, where Tommy says to Sapnap “I have the blade” during one of their wars – which, to base an entire emotional arc around that without any further set-up, is, and I’m sorry to say that, incredibly flimsy.

Okay, so we covered physical and emotional conflict? But what about conflict on the narrative level? Well, that leads me to my suprathesis …

 Suprathesis: The Narrative is Unclear on how it treats Technoblade … and that’s Not Good.

Here’s a Hot Take: The narrative of Season 1 treats Technoblade way less sympathetically than that of season 2.

Let me explain. The narrative of Season 1 revolves mostly around Wilbur and Tommy. The emotional fulcrum of the overall narrative is Wilbur’s rise and fall from Grace – and Tommy succeeding him as symbol of L’Manberg’s “special”-ness. Now I will talk about all that more in detail, when I talk about Season 1 of the Dream SMP. So, you’ll just have to go with me on this one for now.

Technoblade, by contrast, doesn’t really have much going on thematically in Season 1. He mostly exists as a sort-of utilitarian character – he is an accessory to make story beats happen. Like him executing Tubbo doesn’t open up any sort of thematic conflict involving him – on a character level it sets up antipathy between him and Tommy and it grants us some insight into how he operates with his violence speech – but on a larger-scale narrative level it really just shows how far Wilbur and Tommy have drifted apart in how they react to the event.

His biggest contribution is during the Season 1 finale, but even there he plays second fiddle to Wilbur. Not just because Wilbur does way more destruction with his explosion than Techno does with his Withers, but also because Wilbur had an emotional and thematic climax to his arc and by extension the entire storyline. Like Techno’s is a cool moment and very epic visual but in terms of thematic relevance, his Theseus-speech is really more set-up for Season 2.

And Season 1 is very unambiguous about L’Manberg being good and Tommy’s ideals ultimately being morally justified – I mean, they have a whole speech about it in the end and it was built-up throughout the entire Season – Techno is cast in a … less than sympathetic light. He is, if not a villain, then definitely an antagonist.

But with Season 2 the narrative is either uninterested in or not very clear on exploring Technoblade’s flaws.

Like ask yourselves: is Technoblade’s character ever consciously challenged by the narrative? Are his actions ultimately shown to not be in the right? Are his beliefs about government and power ever called into question? Are the negative consequences that his actions cause ever shown to be larger than the “good” he does?

I think what exemplifies this the most is how the Butcher Army event played out on December 16th. Now, during that event, the Butcher Army, which was comprised of Tubbo, Quackity, Fundy and Ranboo, managed to apprehend Technoblade, who at that point was living the quiet retirement life, and tried to have him publicly executed – without trial.

Now, smarter people than me have pointed out that the Butcher Army had a bevy of in-character reasons that can justify or explain their actions. And that’s definitely interesting, but as I said before, I want to get away from that and look into how the Butcher Army is treated on a narrative level. Because this is one of the few instances where the otherwise grey-loving Season 2 has some very clear narrative intent when it comes to morality.

The Butcher Army is very deliberately framed as almost cartoonishly corrupt and violent. They very forcefully investigate Philza, mock him and then put him under house arrest – and there’s just no remorse in the script even from normally sympathetic characters like Tubbo.

Compare and contrast with the Tommy-exile scene, which is also an act of moral ambiguity and is treated as such. And things get even worse once the Army arrives at Technoblade’s abode and attack him after he softly tells them that he has left that live behind him. They then proceed to take his horse hostage, mock him and execute him without fair trial – and I haven’t seen it but from live commentary I gathered that Techno really played up the whole softie-schtick before the Butcher Army arrived. I mean, before the big Technoblade vs Quackity fight, Quackity had whole villain monologue for Christ’s sake.

And even afterwards, the Butcher Army really plays up the corrupt angle with Tubbo proposing a festival as a guise to publicly execute someone. And again, I know that on an intradiegetic there’s nuances and it’s not really comparable to the Red Festival, but in combination with what the audience has seen up until that point and with how much it feeds into the already established themes of history repeating itself and becoming like your predecessors, it really does not paint a pretty picture of the Tubbo administration.

You can feel the heavy hand of the script on your shoulder, which is a feat seeing how – as discussed before – that’s not something that can be easily accomplished in this medium.

And that is what I mean when I say that Technoblade is not really challenged by the script and is in this case even emboldened by it. Because after this whole ordeal the thought of Technoblade taking revenge by destroying L’Manberg doesn’t seem like such an extreme response to the viewer – even though in my opinion, it is.

As of right now it is too early to say how the narrative will judge Technoblade’s actions in the future. Will they be framed as extreme but ultimately justified or perpetuating a cycle of ever-escalating vengeance? Will we ever see a government that’s not just at best misguided and at worst completely awful?

Ultimately, I believe and hope that Technoblade will be challenged by the narrative, mostly because a character that cannot, believably, be physically challenged, who doesn’t have any meaningful internal conflict about what he’s doing; and who does come out on the other side having everything he always believed in be proven completely in the right by the narrative, would be incredibly boring. Not just to watch but also to play as.

As it stands now, if the destruction Techno, Phil and Dream inflicted upon L’Manburg is framed as ultimately in the right, I would find it personally a distasteful message to send. I would ultimately say that the “correct” way to counter corruption in government is to completely obliterate the entire country. Like we’re not talking simply disbanding the government – that’s not what Doomsday was – we’re talking complete and utter annihilation. And that would be cynical and depressing. Like, call me a big softie, but even bothsidesing this argument would be bad.

Like, I’m not calling for Technoblade to be transformed into or treated a monster like Dream. But I personally feel like the narrative needs to acknowledge that the Doomsday was something that was taken way too far and that it ultimately brought more harm than good. And Technoblade needs to held accountable by someone who is not a cartoonishly corrupt government-official or who is in conflict with him anyway, like Tommy.

I thought Philza or Ranboo could do that but seeing how their storylines are progressing I don’t believe that will be the case. But who knows, maybe Captain Puffy will come through for us. We stan a Queen.

 Conclusion

So, yeah, I made this entire video just to air out my grievances with how one-sided the mode of analysis is in the fandom, because no person actually involved with the production of Dream SMP will ever see this.

But after everything I am cautiously optimistic, that content creator Technoblade knows what he’s doing. He has talked in the past about how his character is a bad guy and he loves his Greek myths. After all what’s more Greek myth than hybris being rewarded with punishment? [Technoblade never dies] That bodes well for him.

Also, this isn’t the video I promised at the end of the last one!

[captainmazzic]

Happy Halloween.

So it’s about time I gave a real fucking update instead of just dicking around being cagey about shit. I’ve mentioned a new project repeatedly. So let’s sit down and actually talk about it, friends. Pull up a chair, grab yourself some hot cocoa and strap in. Welcome to Sarc’s emotional roller coaster.

Bear with me. This is hard to talk about for so many reasons, but mostly because I’ve been belittled and ridiculed so many times in my life for liking “cringy” things or wanting to do things that other people think are stupid or childish. I hear the voice of my father telling me to “make something of my life” and “don’t squander your talents”, I hear the voice of my mother telling me I have “so much potential” and “one day I hope you get some ambition”, I hear the voice of my ex telling me to “stop wasting time with stupid shit” and “nobody is interested in failures”. I hear old teachers telling me honor roll students should go to college and study high-demand majors and anything else would be lazy and detrimental and won’t contribute anything worthwhile to society.

It’s the same shit that prevented me for a long time from posting art online. From posting writing online. From making ocs and showing them to other people. And now it’s preventing me from starting this project, and I’m so, so tired of it.

My biggest fear right now is that once I start talking about this project I’ll lose this tiny little community of people vaguely interested in my stuff that have somehow stuck around. External validation and sharing the things I love are my primary motivations with everything I do online, and while screaming into the void is all well and good, I need feedback and interaction and community. I need it so, so badly. I wouldn’t post jack shit – ever – if I didn’t need that, to be honest.

So anyway.

When the pandemic kicked into high gear earlier this year I got laid off for a few months. It gave me a lot of time to think about who I am and where I wanted to be in life, what mattered to me, what dreams I still had and which ones had fallen by the wayside.

Some of them are huge – once upon a time I was very religious. I went through seminary, got my minister’s certification, and was slated to be an associate pastor in a mega-church and rake in a six-figure income within 3 years. But I lost my faith and couldn’t stand the idea of being disingenuous.

And there was also a time when I received a full-ride scholarship to a very prestigious university that would have spanned a 12-year program and resulted in me having several doctorates and masters degrees by the end of it, in the fields of geology, palaeontology, and cladistics. But the scholarship program that was supposed to sponsor me went bankrupt the very semester I was supposed to capitalize on it. I was still accepted into the school, but the $1.2 million price tag would have all been out of my own pocket. So obviously that didn’t happen.

Those were the “acceptable” dreams. Those were the ones that parents and teachers and the general outside world approved of and thought were worthy goals. But neither of them panned out, and all I have left are the cringy ones. Like homesteading and sustainable living (can’t start without land, can’t have land without money). Like making comic books and doing art commissions for a living (it has to be steady to support myself, and I’m far too slow an artist for things to be steady). And like… playing video games.

Ha.

What’s funny is I can already envision the eyerolls and hear the snorts of laughter. What kind of dream is that? Only a handful of famous youtubers and twitch celebrities play video games for a living, and breaking into a field like that is pretty much impossible unless you already have friends in famous places.

Yeah, but… it would be so much fun. Right?

It WOULD be fun. I don’t have to become a super popular celebrity for it to be fun, right?

I don’t have to make it my day job and rake in piles of cash for it to be fun, right?

… I don’t have to actually be successful for it to be fun… right?

… Right?

:/

… I love video games.

I’ve loved them ever since I tried and failed so many times to win The Empire Strikes Back on Atari 2600. I’ve loved them ever since I played Mortal Kombat with my cousin in his basement with the sound down super low because it was ultra-violent and I would have been in so much trouble if mom caught me playing it. I’ve loved them ever since I tried and failed to finish Strife and Hexen and Heretic without the computer crashing and rebooting to DOS. I’ve loved them ever since I had to cheat-code my way through Jedi Knight: Dark Forces II just to get past the first boss fight but then no-clipped through the wall and died anyway. I still love that game.

But I stopped playing video games for a very long time. I was intimidated out of them by an ex and a somewhat toxic friend group who were Real Gamers™. I was brought to LAN parties but not allowed to play, because I slowed down the team and didn’t know the controls. I was banned from commenting on other people’s moves or cheering people on because it was distracting and I could cost them a win. I was even kicked out of their online D&D campaigns because I couldn’t be serious enough or roleplay well enough for their standards. Even if I was playing a game on my own, I couldn’t play with anyone else in the house because I’d be ridiculed for dying a lot, or for going the wrong way, or for picking the wrong game because only certain games are “good” and most of the ones I wanted to play were “stupid” or “trash” or a “waste of time”.

That kind of thing sits with me for a very, very long time. I didn’t really play games at all for over a decade. Even after I ended up on the opposite side of the country, with a new circle of friends, I couldn’t bring myself to play much of anything.

And then I had an extended visit with a friend of mine, and he introduced me to an early version of a ridiculous little game called Minecraft. My friend was an avid gamer but also a very kind one. In the ten years before this, I had told myself that I just preferred to watch other people play games instead of playing them myself (a lie. I mean, I absolutely adore watching other people play, but I also want to play too lol), my friend saw through that and very gently encouraged me to take a stab at playing Minecraft myself. He moved his laptop over to me, and I played a whole ten minutes with him watching before my nerves failed me and I promptly died. But miraculously it wasn’t a big deal to him. It was just a game. I might have cried in relief, I don’t remember.

After my visit I shelved playing video games for like another year, despite buying a whole mess of them because other friends online loved certain titles and wanted to talk about them with me. (I never played them, just bought them. I couldn’t even handle the thought of playing by myself in my own house). But for some reason I mentioned to my brother-in-law my old visit to my Minecraft-loving friend, and he just… up and bought the game for me. My brother-in-law is also an avid gamer with a lovely and patient disposition, and he suggested I just play in creative mode and build things to start. So I did that (behind a locked door in the RV that I lived in by myself, with the lights off and the sound down low) and Minecraft was my sole video game for another several years.

Then a couple years ago another friend of mine (hi Char) introduced me to Star Wars: The Old Republic, and I fell in love. It sparked a renewed interest in video games that I thought I would never really have the opportunity to satisfy, because games were still intimidating.

Let me clarify: I… SUCK. At video games. I’m terrible at them. Learning controls is a nightmare and a tunicate evolving its own brain would learn faster than me. If I’m aiming, I can’t hit the broad side of a barn. I have the direction sense of a whirligig beetle on the back of a drunk pigeon. I die fast and I die often. I can count the number of games I’ve actually finished on one hand. Even less if we don’t count the ones I had to use cheat codes to get through. But none of that diminishes my love of experiencing them, and over this whole pandemic and quarantine thing I’ve had a lot of time to unpack and mull over my thoughts and feelings and passions about them.

… I moved my RV to a new spot literally the day before the lockdown in my state first initiated. Before this I was in a spot that had no internet other than what reception I could get on my phone, with severely limited bandwidth and patchy, unreliable service. The new spot has a steady wi-fi connection, and while upload speed is utter shit, downloading and streaming video are just this side of manageable. So I spent the first three months of the quarantine lockdown doing pretty much nothing other than watching Jacksepticeye, CrankGameplays, and Markiplier play video games on YouTube. (I honestly had no idea before this that people even did let’s plays. My internet access/speed has been shit for so long I’m totally out of the loop).

It… for fear of sounding utterly stupid yet again, it inspired me.

Like. These people really love what they’re doing. They just. Play video games and have fun with it, and I mean yeah they make money hand-over-fist doing it but the main thing is they HAVE FUN doing it. They have fun! Playing video games! In front of people! It’s wild. And the thing that REALLY got me was… they have feedback on it too. They have a COMMUNITY. They have people they can talk to about it. They have people that they can play games WITH, even, who don’t yell at them or tell them they suck every five minutes or tell them they can’t play with them because they’re worthless as teammates. They can fuck up in a game and their friends are laughing along with them on Discord instead of screaming at them to get it right or get out. They can play games by themselves in their house and then upload videos on the internet and then they can talk to other people about it! They have fun! It’s awesome! They have fun!!

I just. It meant so much to me. It meant so much to me to see these videos of these three, and then another dozen or so that I’ve followed since, play all these games and have such a good time and also be such a positive and kind and encouraging source of energy.

I know all of this is not exactly about video games specifically. It’s about coming to terms with how I’ve been treated as a person and as a friend, about how other people respect someone’s interests and passions, about how it’s okay to share your interests with other people and it’s okay to like things that other people might not care about or think are important.

And I’m so, so tired of not doing the things I love because I’m afraid of what other people will think.

So I, uh. I invested all of the stimulus money I had into a new rig and equipment like a camera, lighting, acoustic panels, all that shit. I dug out all the games I bought but never played, I made accounts on all the big gaming services like Steam and Itch.io and GoG, and I made a YouTube channel. And I’m going to be making my own let’s plays. And it will suck, and it will be cringy and awkward and badly done, and it won’t make me money or be a valid career option or be anything but another very expensive hobby, but it will be mine, and it will be something I can share with people and (hopefully) have fun with, and it will (hopefully) be an avenue for some of this positive social interaction I’m craving.

I know YouTube can be toxic and super negative and full of trolls and cancel culture fanatics and people just waiting to find something to tear you down for, but like. Come on, y’all. I’m posting this on tumblr dot com. Toxic is everywhere anyway. I just want to try, you know?

I just want to love video games again.

Someone famous that I look up to so, so much told me – without knowing that I was even listening, without even knowing that I even exist – that if I enjoy doing something, to just go for it. To just jump in and do it, and if it works then it works, and if it doesn’t, what have I actually lost?

And I’m lucky enough to have four whole offline friends that I’ve mentioned this idea to, and each of them has said encouraging things like I’d have a good voice and face and style for making let’s plays. I honestly don’t know how true that part is, but on my good days I believe them. And they also said that I should go for it, to just try.

So that’s… that’s what I’m doing, I guess. I just want to try.

I know it’s not Star Wars fanart. I know it’s not Star Wars fanfiction. I know it’s not Star Wars meta or essays or ranting about the Sith and the Jedi and the Force. I know it’s not what y’all want from me. And that’s utterly terrifying. I’m bracing myself to be alone on the internet again, because I know that when I dive headfirst into this thing, it’ll eat away into the time that I normally might be spending doing writing or art, and it’s going to be something no one else wants to see and no one signed up for. And that’s partly why it’s taken me so very, very long to get started.

The other part is more physical. Of course as soon as I decide that I’m going to put my face on a camera is when my entire face goes to shit. I’m currently waiting on a potential diagnosis for mouth cancer, while already dealing with a severe jaw infection that’s causing my teeth and gums to rot inside my mouth. They already took part of my jaw, I’m missing teeth, others are turning black, if I open my mouth even just a little it is so obvious and I look like a very, very literal zombie. I have never been more grateful that masks are socially acceptable. I have a series of twelve appointments scheduled to treat this shit now that I have dental and health insurance (goodbye paycheque), and I might qualify for reconstruction surgery too. But that doesn’t really help how I look right now.

So I just can’t bring myself to start this project just yet. I’ve been sitting on it for months now with all the other pieces in place, but I just. Can’t. Start. It’s driving me crazy, because I want to start so badly. I feel like I’m wasting time. I feel like I’ve already wasted so much time, because I haven’t even done anything else in the meantime. I haven’t done hardly any art or fanfic, nothing. My anxiety is spiking so high right now because I have all these expectations of myself, but I can’t do anything about it. I’ve been told that I could just start without a camera or wear a mask on screen, and I’ve actually done some recording doing exactly that, but I just… can’t seem to make anything I want to finalize.

It’s also frustrating because I have no way of uploading anything at home. I’ll have to go over to my partner’s house which is nearly an hour’s drive away in order to get internet good enough to upload videos, which means that upload schedules are going to be shiiiiiit and that’s also frustrating.

But. But. BUT. I want to do this.

I want to do this so badly. I want to share let’s plays and experience a love of video games with other people. I want to actually play games with other people too. I also just acquired a piano keyboard, and I want to play again on the regular because I miss it so much. I used to play piano for hours every single day, it’s so relaxing and fun, maybe I can post that too. Maybe I can post let’s draws or something, where I ask y’all what to draw and then make a video of me drawing it while bullshitting to the camera I don’t know it sounds like fun. Maybe I can post videos of my cooking because the shit I make seems to be everyone’s favourite thing on instagram, and maybe I can take my camera with me when I go to the ocean or hike up into the middle of nowhere in the mountains and film how beautiful everything is up there. Or maybe I can do none of that and just focus on one thing, I honestly have no idea what I’m doing or how to do it, but I just… I want to try. I just want to try.

I don’t know where any of this is going anymore. I’m sorry I haven’t responded to messages, or opened up commissions. I’m sorry that this isn’t what y’all wanted. I’m still going to continue drawing and writing, I’m still going to be around, I’m not going anywhere, but I have no idea how prolific I’m going to be and I have no idea even when I’ll start uploading videos, to be honest. But I just. I’m just gonna try. It might still take me a while but I’m gonna try. Wish me luck. I love y’all.

[astralshipper]

I got sappy. wanted to write about what the show means to me. trigger warning for depression, bullying, all the rough stuff that goes along with that. also trigger warning for this being long as all hell. I had a lot to say about this dumb ass show. please feel free to ignore this, it was mainly for me to get my thoughts out.

Supernatural was there for me through… everything. I remember watching the pilot episode really vividly, though the date is fuzzy. I say it was 2012 at the time, but my mom insists it had to have been earlier than that, so I’m not entirely sure. The years really ran together back then. I wasn’t in the best place. In fact, I was in the lowest place I’ve ever been. The past few years of abusive friendships ended up finally getting me worn down, and I was in the biggest depressive slump I’ve ever felt. I thought I was weak, useless, selfish for feeling like that. I didn’t see any reason to go on, if I was just gonna be like that.

I had two people irl at the time that I considered my actual friends, as opposed to just the people that hung around me and made me feel pretty shitty. These two friends had started talking about this show they started watching. Supernatural, they kept telling me, it was the best show ever. They said I’d totally fall for Dean, and if not, then to wait for Castiel to show up. So I told my mom about it.

My mom watched the pilot episode while I was at school one day. When I got home that evening she agreed, I would love Dean, but I would be terrified of the show. So, being the dumbass I am, I trudged upstairs to do my homework for the next 7-8 hours, finishing around 1:30 in the morning. Perfect time for a wimpy little kid that’s scared of her own shadow to watch a new supposedly scary show, right? So I did. Dean didn’t even have a chance to show up before I was smitten with Sam, which makes me sound totally like becky, but let’s just skip over that and pretend that doesn’t sound familiar lmao

My mom and I got into a routine of watching the show in our free time. I would get home from school, drag her off, and we would binge a few episodes before dinner, so long as I could get my work done on time. So I started to, slowly but surely. Because Sam and Dean were waiting for me. 

I wish I could say it was a quick fix for all my issues, but that’s not,,, how life works, you know? I was still getting pushed around, I was still that lanky kid that played minecraft and couldn’t maintain eye contact, and carried around a new book every week. I was still the kid with tourettes that twitched and jerked and made funky noises throughout class. And middle school kids are damn mean. It wasn’t a cure for my depression, or my ADHD, or my anxiety, or anything like that. But it was a start. Sometimes I would text or call my mom from the school bathroom, sobbing and begging her to let me come home early. I did this a lot. Finally, she had a response. Stay there for Sam and Dean (and later on Cas, too), she would say, and we can watch an extra episode tonight to celebrate. She told me they were waiting for me back home, and that they were proud of me and that they believed that I could get through it. And how was I supposed to say no to Sam, Dean, and Castiel? So I would clean myself up, head back to class, and do what I could to get through the day, knowing that Team Free Will believed in me.

When I first started this show, that dark place I was in led me to doing a lot of stuff that hurt me in the long run. One of those things was pushing away my family as much as I possibly could. My family has always been really close. Hell, I’d do anything for them, I always would have. But during that time, I didn’t want to be a liability. I thought they would all be better off without me constantly in their lives. So I stayed as far from them as I could. Until Supernatural came along, and things changed. This show gave me a means of talking to my mom and becoming closer with her. It gave me the ability to cry with her, laugh with her, talk about things with her. It gave me my mom back, and in the end, gave me my family back. I finally trusted someone close to me again, someone that could help really make a difference. 

Jared Padalecki plays Sam Winchester, right? Well, a bit of time after I started following the show, he became very open about his own mental health struggles. He spoke up about his depression, and how it made him feel, and how he was working towards getting help and recovering. And all of a sudden, I could start to believe that maybe… my depression didn’t make me as weak as I thought it did. I mean, if Sam fucking Winchester himself can have depression and feel this way, if Jared Padalecki, a man that’s brought so much joy to so many people and has helped so many people through rough times, if he can feel like that too, then maybe I’m not weak. Maybe it makes me strong, the fact that I’m still here. Maybe it’s not selfish to ask for help. Maybe it doesn’t make me weak to need help from someone. I talked to my mom about getting put on some new medication. We started thinking about therapy options. I was finally open to maybe getting some help. And I was willing to start a journey towards not feeling like my mental health made me weaker, but stronger. Always keep fighting, he would say. That was the goal. So I did. 

After I got my cap and gown for high school graduation, I broke down as soon as I was alone. That hadn’t been in the plan. Graduation was never an option. My plans never reached this far, because in my mind, I wouldn’t still be there to see it. I never expected myself to walk across a stage to get a high school diploma. I never expected myself to shake hands with my principal and have her tell me she’s proud of me. I never expected myself to make it. But I… did. And I know, I knew, that I owed a lot of that to Sam, Dean, and Castiel. I might not have gotten there without them, and everything they brought to me over the years.

Life isn’t perfect. I’ve continued to hit my depressive slumps every once in a while. I have good days, bad days, and worse days. But every time things get hard, every time I just want to give up, this one damn show has been there. These characters have been there, and I know they would want me to fight. So I keep fighting, as long as I can. I know it’s not cool to like Supernatural. I know it’s cringy. I know it’s problematic. I know and I acknowledge that a lot of things that have happened on the show aren’t handled properly or are insensitive. I’m always going to be critical of the media I consume, but god dammit, that doesn’t diminish everything this show has done for me. Along this road, it stopped being a show, and it started being an anchor. They stopped being characters and started being reasons to keep trudging on. And seeing it go, it’s a really, really difficult goodbye. I’m not just watching a show go off the air, it’s saying goodbye to one of the biggest supports I’ve ever had. 

I don’t love Sam just because I think he’s cute. I don’t have a soft spot for Dean just because I think he’s funny. I don’t care so deeply for Castiel just because I think he’s a quirky dude. They’ve all been there for me when it felt like no one else could ever care about me. I love them, and I always will. I might not always hyperfixate on the show, but I can assure you, these guys are always going to hold a special place in my heart. They’re my heroes, they saved my life, and they did it universes apart from me. They’re a big part of who I am and who I want to be. And I wish I could thank them for that. 

[conspiracieys]

personality ans fun facts for vey please! 💕

thank u what the heck... im lov u......

[cracks knuckles] vey time...

this got long as all hell im so sorry. i’ll readmore after personality tbh

PERSONALITY:

What’s their alignment?: Vey is definitely chaotic good. Like... i toyed with all the alignments and in the end, they’re a good person, but they go about it in a very chaotic and disastrous manner and not always within the confines of what one would call... Morally acceptable. But they’re good in the end.

Which one of the 16 Personality Types do they fit into?: God uh. brb lemme google. ONE GOOGLE SEARCH LATER... i think Vey would be ISTP? idk man. just seems like the one that’s them.

What are their hobbies and interests? Do they have any particular “favorites” (food, books, and so on)?: okay well! their hobbies are mainly tinkering with robots and technology. that would be their main hobby. they also like to gather flyers that get put up around Pandora, just as sort of like... a scrapbook or newspaper-esque thing. it helps them feel like they’re Up To Date on the world (when they’re really, really not).

favorite food would likely be grilled skag steak. they can’t afford to be picky, not really, and skag is a pretty easy food source. and they like growing their own plants, so they grow herbs and can season their food really well!

favorite books would be anything on technology, robotics, programming, and artificial intelligence, whether or not they’ve read the books!

favorite color is pink because i project SO hard sometimes and we all love pink it’s the rule now :)

favorite place (after they leave Pandora, of course) would probably be either Promethea or Nekrotafeyo!

What are they bad at?: reading people, understanding tone and body language, expressing their emotions properly. they’re also bad at writing when it comes to creative stuff. they have TRIED. lord they have tried, but Jack ends up laughing so hard he has to phase back into the ECHO eye and Zane has in fact burned some of Vey’s writing.

they’re also really bad at singing (but they still do it and they enjoy it) and they’re SO bad at dancing (two left feet type of bad) (and at Hammy and Winny’s wedding, Zane and Vey try to dance together and Zane just says Absolutely Not My Toes Already Hurt Go Dance With Jack)

What kind of things do they dislike/hate?: they definitely dislike certain textures of food. they’d never eat calamari, for instance, just because of the texture. anything less than well done when it comes to meat, they can’t eat. they dislike the texture of cooked veggies.

they really, really dislike the color yellow. after years of being employed by Hyperion and being stranded on Pandora has made them practically despise the color.

they hate dealing with bandits and psychos. they speak broken bandit and they just find it so tedious to deal with and avoid it at all costs.

while they love AIs and robots, they have a special hatred for Loader Bots, if only because of the horrifying restrictions Hyperion put on their bots (regarding sentience etc)

Do they have any vices/addictions/mental illnesses?: why are mental illnesses being compared to vices and addictions i hate it here.

anyway ofc they’re mentally ill because i am also. they got the good ol’ adhd and depression and anxiety and probably abandonment issues. good for them.

What are their goals and motivations?: they want to one day create an Artificial Intelligence from scratch, as a companion, and build an android body for that AI. but with Jack in their life, they’ve put the AI on hold and are just focusing on building functioning android bodies. it’s very fun for them!

they’re also motivated by their own curiosity, once they have the means off Pandora. they want to explore the galaxy and find new technologies and such, to see if they can find anything that might contribute to their goals.

What are their manners like? Any habits?: manners are... so-so. it’s like, they treat everyone as an equal until proven otherwise. some people might get more respect than others (like Lilith, for instance, gets called Ms. Lilith no matter how hard Lilith tries to talk Vey out of it) and some people just get dismissed. but in general Vey tries to be kind if not neutral; especially neutral BECAUSE they have such a difficult time reading people and understanding other peoples’ intentions behind their words.

What are they most afraid of?: besides spiderants? probably being alone for the rest of their life, or not accomplishing their dream. which, to them, are the same fear. if they can’t accomplish their dream, they’ll be alone for the rest of their life.

FUN FACTS:

Which tropes do they fit? Which archetypes?:

Tropes they fit: Deadpan Snarker (unintentionally), Token Wholesome (due to their difficulty interacting with people), and Adventure Duo (both with Jack and Zane, sometimes Adventure Trio?) are the ones that jump out to me the most!

archetypes they fit: The Creator and The Explorer

Do they play any instruments? Sports?: No to both! the most sporty thing Vey does is explore and hike and fight. they do their best to stay in shape because they want to be a Vault Hunter one day, but they don’t do the sports thing. and they don’t really have an opportunity to or interest in playing instruments.

What are some items they always carry?: they always have their satchel with them, and it has a variety of crap in it, but always has their toolbox as well as a few spare tools, their Hyperion thermos they’ve been holding onto for six years because it keeps their water nice and cold at all times, their sketchbook so they can jot down ideas for their projects, and usually a snack.

Do they collect anything?: posters! and robotic scrap parts, even if they don’t use them in a project they just like to keep them.

What position do they sleep in?: on their right side with their hand tucked under their pillow, since they’re used to just using their hand as a pillow.

Which emoji would they use the most?: either 🤣 or 🙃 but like unironically and in the BEST possible way.

What languages do they speak?: English and some bandit. Jack is trying to teach them more bandit/psycho/whatever you wanna call it, and on Sanctuary III, Vey enjoys reading different language books

What’s their favorite expletive?: Varkidfucker.

What’s their favorite candle scent?: something simple, clean, and soft. like Amber Vanilla or fresh linen.

What songs remind you of them?: listen i haven’t been listening to a lot of music lately (i mostly just have minecraft videos on in the background while i do stuff), so i can’t give any songs without them feeling forced :(

Which animal would you say represents them?: most likely a wildcat, i think...

What stereotypical high school clique would they fit into?: the geeks for sure!

What would their favorite ride at an amusement park be?: hmm. you know the boat that goes back and forth and goes upside down and shit? yeah they’d be obsessed with that. or the fun house.

Do they believe in aliens? Ghosts? Reincarnation or something else?: yes to all? Aliens, check. Ghosts. Check. Reincarnation, check.

Do they follow any religions/gods? Do they celebrate holidays?: nah Vey isn’t particularly religious. they’ll celebrate holidays if the people they’re around celebrate them, but Vey doesn’t go out of their way to celebrate anything.

Which Deadly Sin do they most correspond to? Which Heavenly Virtue?: hmm. Pride & Diligence!

If you had to choose one tarot card to represent them, which would it be?: either the Hermit or the Tower.

[adapembroke]

Introduction

My asteroid astrology posts have brought in a bunch of new followers. (Hey there! Welcome!) And it’s been awhile since I introduced myself. And I think it’s important to know who you’re listening to when you read someone’s work. And some things have changed since I last introduced myself. And I didn’t celebrate when I hit 5000 followers.

So, hi! 

My name is Ada. I am a diviner, Druid, and polytheist. I’m in my mid-30s and live in the Pacific Northwest (US). 

I have been practicing divination since 2010* and blogging about divination and doing readings professionally on and off since 2015. 

My favorite tools are astrology and Tarot. If you do some digging, you’ll find some Norse stuff on here. I have done a lot with the Elder Futhark but don’t use the runes much anymore. I’m currently studying ogham. 

Druidry is pretty new for me. I started studying on my own in 2017 and was initiated into the Order of Bards, Ovates, and Druids in December 2019. I think it’s pretty cool that I can call myself a Bard IRL.

I am also a spirit worker. I am clairvoyant and clairaudient. I’ve worked with Odin and Ceridwen in the past and am currently working most closely with Brighid and a personal spirit guide.

My biggest influences as a Tarot reader are Rachel Pollack and Michelle Tea. I mostly take an intuitive/psychological approach to reading cards. Though, I’ve done a lot with using Tarot cards to assist with spirit work.

As an astrologer, I’ve taken an evolutionary approach since the beginning, but I started incorporating classical techniques into my practice in 2019. My biggest astrology influences are Steven Forrest, Paul Richard, Demetra George, Tom Jacobs, Kelly Surtees, Chris Brennan, Mark Jones, and Charles Obert.  

This blog is pretty rigidly focused on divination, but I’m also a writer. I have an MFA in creative writing, and my stories, essays, and poems have been published in magazines and anthologies. 

I’m also going through a pretty intense Minecraft phase right now. 

I don’t bite. It’s okay. Say hi! 

If you’re interested in what I do or want to ask questions, I am here and happy to talk. 

If we talk, and I don’t follow you back, don’t take it personally. I have a pretty strict rule about not following people who post news/politics/discourse on social media. I have a lot of stuff in my chart going on in Aries, and I have to be careful about the role anger plays in my life. So, I’m very careful about what I read and when.

My asks and messages are open. You can also find me on the Diviners Anonymous Discord Server. 

I write about divination for Aquarius Moon Journal with @grimnirslee​. You can find info on my astrology and Tarot offerings there, as well. 

I am, unfortunately, on Twitter.

I also have a side blog that is more random and personal and tumblr-like. 

If you’ve been hanging around on my blog for awhile, feel free to reply with an intro of your own. I’m especially curious about what you’re interested in so that I can make sure I’m writing things people actually want to read.

*My very first deck of RWS Tarot cards turned 10 years old in January. It is still my favorite deck, even if it is sarcastic sometimes and my Dreaming Way deck is prettier.  

[eatingthem-moved]

Get to know the blogger!

Tagged by @sunsreign​ thank u hun !! I’m tagging UMMM @onsand​ @denbroughsguilt​ @crowncd​ @cometogethcr​ and everyone else ! i just tagged the people who’ve shown up in my notifs recently lol

FIRST NAME My name off tumblr is Calee ! (said like kay-lee) i really don’t mind if you call my by my first name or by my pen name, either works! i just don’t post my first name anywhere on my blog really lol

STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF strange?? hmmm i have a ton of stuffed animals for an 18 y/o probably... like a ton. and i still buy them cause i love them ;m;

TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON Hair !! also arms... (like the biceps) aaaaand lips, probably 

A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF chili verde smothered burritos !! specifically the ones from my favorite restaurant ohmygod they’re soooooo good. and their chips and salsa too

A FOOD YOU HATE TOMATOES R GROSS

GUILTY PLEASURE fuuuuck. buying stuff, probably. like makeup and video games and books and movies and all that good stuff.

WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN t shirt and pj pants. shorts if it’s in the summer, and a sweater in winter.

SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS welp im in a serious relationship rn but if i was single i’d still prefer a serious one !

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE askjdlkasjdlsj not getting back with my ex when we initially broke up, probably. he’s GROSS

ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON verbally i am ! i always tell my friends i love them and that i enjoy talking to them in stuff. physically i don’t really like cuddling or kissing my bf unless we’re in private

A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN The Family Man starring Nicholas Cage aslkdjslakjdlskja LISTEN. i loooove this movie and if u haven’t seen it i totes recommend that you do!!! it’s honestly one of his bests and it makes me cry every time it. ALSO John Carpenter’s The Thing !!!!! i grew up watching that movie and it’s one of my favorites 

FAVORITE BOOK Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, and also Misery by Stephen King! 

YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE A COW I LOVE COWS. or a big cat like a tiger. OR a raccoon. could go either way.

TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL] HA. hannibal/will and uhhhh. that’s. probably. it. sladjslakjd listen i haven’t really watched a show since hannibal has ended lol. but! more ships with hannibal include him and poppy with @gardenshe <33 hannibal/matthew brown. um. idk more ppl should ship with me tho <.<

PIE OR CAKE CAKE. with some sort of mousse pls. or a ton of whipped cream!

FAVORITE SCENT ooh uhh. apples and cinnamon maybe?? ooh or baking bread

CELEBRITY CRUSH *SLAMS FIST* kurt russell all the way, dude. i LOVE him, i would marry him in a heartbeat. also dean martin and james franco. AND MILA KUNIS

IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO So, I live in Utah, United States BUT i was actually born in Oregon, United States and just UGH. i love it there so much. it’s always so rainy and it’s close to the ocean and the trees and flowers are so beautiful. it feels like im home when im there !! but besides that, i’d go to canada to see my totally blood brothers jason and quinton @cometogethcr <33

INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT Ah funny enough im an introvert off of tumblr lol. im.. really awkward off the keyboard. and i feel like i’ve gotten even shyer and more insecure the older i get, which is funny because from the way it sounds it seems like that’s usually the opposite circumstance?? idk. hopefully i don’t weird u guys out on here tho lol

DO YOU SCARE EASILY yea lol i can get a little jumpy but i love scary movies still! but sometimes my bf scares me from around the corner and i get super mad at him lmao

IPHONE OR ANDROID i’ve got me an iphone but i wish i had an android ;m; i’d love me one of those brand new samsung phones.... (oh god now im going to be spammed with ads)

DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES i do!! i play minecraft a ton (u should ask me to play with u sometime <.<) but i also like story games! i grew up playing the sly cooper franchise ! (i made a blog for sly cooper one actually!) but i also really really like the evil within, outlast, dishonored, and a ton of indie games on steam

DREAM JOB like uhh, how dreamy we talkin’?? my ULTIMATE dream job would probably be a movie director, but that’s probably not going to happen lol. otherwise, im going for a criminal justice degree, so my dream job pertaining to that would either be a homicide detective or a crime historian !

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS ahhh. move to oregon with my mom, bf, and my pets by the ocean. then buy a ton of movies to add to my dvd collection. and video games. and a nice car. umm. go to a beautiful restaurant! then i dunno after that lol 

FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE aw jeez alksdlakjd ummm. im not. a huge fan of alana from hannibal. idk i don’t think her character is written very well (but im still happy to write with an alana blog!) also light from death note. ohhhhh god. i hated him SO MUCH ALKSDLSAJD

FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER pfft. supernatural, doctor who, sherlock. the werks. probably more but i can’t think of any

[finsterhund]

Exhaustion and updates

Hoping it's just an issue on twitch's end or the ISP but my test stream had the occasional drop of frames and freezing for half a second. No issues to me but it was present in the VOD.

Really hoping that's not a thing that is going to occur commonly.

Might want to see about getting better upload speed.

But yeah. Expect an update on my computer soon. I've been very busy and very sore and tired from doing errands, setting up my computer (it's a heavy boy) and tons of stuff. Laundry tomorrow and I'm still sore from all the lifting and running around so I'll be out of it for a while still.

I'll be posting photos and stuff. I'm very proud.

I was and still am so anxious about my computer being okay. I'm paranoid about that sorta stuff. There were some hiccups and troubleshooting and I'm sad I didn't get the no CD patch of Heart of Darkness working on it, but it is happy and healthy now.

Spot from my friend arrived too. The black fur on the back is damaged somehow which means not as soft and also shedding. Upsets me a lot but maybe that's a reason to get this Spot a service dog vest.

Also not big enough to be the proposed "giant Spot" but large enough to take on trips and stuff. Good for hugs. So good for hugs. Second favourite Spot after the OG Cuddle Clone Spot.

My computer is a handsome machine. So many lights and fans. Graphics card has lights and fans, heatsink has lights and fan, etc.

Also my friend finally gave me his old monitor officially for real this time. Because I bought it off him. So I actually have space on my desk.

I also fixed my chair. It's still loud and squeaky and broken but at least the back stays up again.

Expect some crisp HoD footage soon. Planning a high resolution death scene video. It's a long time coming.

Also planning to use the absolute beast of a computer to get back into Minecraft and start playing Among Us with friends. I can't tell health wise if I'll be able to finally get into 3D modeling but perhaps. Especially if I can get a new chair or start physiotherapy.

I discovered a way that twitter is broken. If you report tweets for abuse towards you/targeted harassment and twitter decides that the tweets were abuse and against the rules but doesn't think that justifies terminating the entire account, the person who made those tweets is told specifically which ones they were and has their account locked until they manually delete them.

In case you're wondering, yes, that does absolutely inspire them to immediately go right back to targeting the person who got them a slap on the wrist.

Like, if twitter just temporarily banned them and deleted the tweets without explaining which ones they were that would be fine, but not temp banning them and just locking their accounts until they delete the offending tweets literally does nothing except open up the person harassed to more harassment.

Nobody who gets away with harassment and keeps their account is gonna say "uh oh, twitter shook its finger at me I better leave this guy alone."

No wonder the site is so toxic. Not even Tumblr moderation was this horrendous.

Back to positives, I'm hoping once I'm no longer physically and mentally exhausted to start drawing some more again. Maybe with my chair fixed it'll be easier.

A Paper Beast unfolded edition stream is on the horizon, as are HoD speedrunning practice streams. That'll be a good way to iron out whatever weird freezing thing happens.

Now that I no longer am putting away money for my computer I hope to get back to commissioning art. I've sorta lost the drive for it due to my physical and emotional health.

I'm hoping to be more active with friends in the coming months, even though seasonal depression has already started to punch me in the gut.

They already have christmas stuff out. Walmart didn't even have halloween stuff this year they just went straight to christmas. All I can think about when reminded of the holiday is how it's the reason my last dog is dead. I have absolutely no reason to get into any sort of festivities this year and I am dreading how the corporate world is going to smother me with it in a way that is unavoidable.

Don't think I'm even going to celebrate the Winter Solstice this year. It just feels wrong.

Friends are already talking about doing their shopping and getting gifts and I'm walking past the isles in the stores and it just hurts. Just wish this year could just be fall and then spring. No winter.

I know this year is tough for everyone so I don't want to ruin whatever comfort my friends may be getting from the holiday, but it's a painful reminder to me and I was already avoidant of christmas on account of celebrating the Solstice instead. Before I could celebrate christmas with friends who did and had my own fun surrounding it but now all I can think about is how the last light of my life died of a preventable respiratory infection because the emergency vet office was closed. I'm the one who should have died of respiratory issues. That's what I'm predisposed to. Not her. It's one of the most horrific ways to die and I'd only ever wish it on my worst enemies. How many times have I scraped by from viral pneumonia and everything else and when my Zippy gets kennel cough for no fucking reason they just fucking kill her without telling me.

The thing is, the Spot photos are from Christmas so I wish I could just associate it with Spot instead but no.

I meant for this post to be positive primarily but in writing this out I think I've pinpointed why the seasonal depression is so hard on me right now.

My friend and I are going to be watching horror movies in costume on Halloween eating candy so I'm looking forward to that.

A green apple scented Spot is also coming from Lilsprout (same person who made Penumbra) so that's something good to look forward to as well.

I may try weighting and scenting my new Spot who I'm planning to get a service dog vest for. Also if anyone knows how to fix heat damaged fake fur fabric please let me know.

I just wish I could ignore christmas. It's such an alienating and depressing holiday if your loved ones are dead and you feel alone and hopeless.

I've started taking melatonin and it is really helping me sleep. Apparently it causes very lucid dreams. The first night I took it I had a lucid dream that was like I was awake but not. Briefly the new Spot lying beside me shifted into being Zippy (her specifically, not Spot) and I felt such a profound comfort as if she had visited me. I feel that's what Red Spot originally felt like when I was little, thinking this imaginary dog was Spot visiting me.

Was sad when I finally woke up though. Tried to do the thing where I stayed in the dream but my back pain got too bad and I had to get up.

Once I've done the laundry tomorrow and had some time to rest I'm sure I'll be more active online again. I hope. Will is streaming the Seventh Brother on the 30th so a bunch of friends are finally going to see the movie that the tired and weak crying puppy is from.

I don't really have any tasks out of my house to do right now except maybe some more groceries in a couple weeks. Of course my desire to go to thrift stores is ever present. I help buy gas so I should get to go lmao.

Think I'll listen to upbeat music now and then take my medicine. Hopefully less serious updates in the future soon.

For now my test stream is still available in VOD form on my twitch http://www.twitch.tv/finsterhund and I'm planning to upload it to YouTube later.

Take care of yourselves, and if you see stuffed dogs I'm your travels that look like Spot... I am interested. 👀

[chimcharstar]

ANSWER 1 THROUGH 65 HO

65 Questions You Aren't Used To

WPOOOOO LETS GO 

Y E E T

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

nnnnooooooo. its called holding onto my last marble.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

1. sometimes i can freak myself out going to the bathroom at night but bro. i take walks at like 11pm or whenever the hell i please. and i LIKE IT.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

i would not care to meet dick face

4. What is your favorite word?

worm

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

well darn i dont really knowwww!!!!!!! the big jungle one from minecraft. but i love weeping willows of course.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

i didnt think

7. What shirt are you wearing?

my pyjama shirt from new vegas. las vegas. oh my god. not that i went there. my friend did. ive been wearing it for 3 days now. because its fine.

8. What do you label yourself as?

androgynouOOUUSSSSSSS i heard it described the most accurately for me as “in between blue and pink, purple is a blend while not being either of them.” yes this SPECIFICALLY. i could never be feminine while female presenting, but now that im usually read as masculine i go around seeming gay as fuck. and even though this sounds like heresy considering how i instinctively want to throat punch people who feminize me, i have comfortably considered myself a woman lately ONLYYYYYYYY BY being as butch as a butch can possibly butch. maybe without the cars. i would NEVER go by she/her NEVER NEVER NEVER. like there literally are butch women who go on T and use he/him pronouns. that brings me euphoria too and i find people reallllyyyyyy get mind-bent at this point. i really also get irritated at the idea that identifying with both lessens one or the other... thats why i like the purple thing so much. like im 100% of the thing. i was watching on queer eye, once, there was this part where all these women met up and one of them who was really masculine was saying how “a woman can look like this too” and i was like “i am probably crying for an important reason right now” and sometimes i feel attraction to women that is nOT of the ManTM just... i can do what i want. 

but my point is it’s like im only happy if i have a blend. theres even a particular quality of it i can put my finger on, like a rugged, handsome feel... and then a flamboyant, passionate feel... mix em all up... 

9. Bright room or dark room?

BRIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT 

GUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

transition juice, or fucking around with cs paint with some gentle existential dread

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

this one, because my life is not hell, and i know a few basics about adulting now

12. Who told you they loved you last?

the sister. i said it for damage control because she had blown a fuse the other day. i was being very fake on purpose because i’m not being vulnerable with someone who will blow up. when she says it all i feel is pain. like cold paralyzing needles in my soul. i cant say i love you to her and mean it, even if i want to. honestly i wish people would say this to me. the most i love yous i remember are from family members putting band aids on the wreckage of our relationships, so i can feel a little twang of guilt and longing for what could have been and should have been. and feel like i should be doing something more. and feeling awkward because you both know they fucked up and it’s the elephant in the room. and i can feel their confusion and sickness causing them pain, feeling that pain for them. 

13. Your worst enemy?

hmmm. anyone who made me feel like less than i am. anyone 

14. What is your current desktop picture?

cherry blossoms and a city at night that i stole off the internet

15. Do you like someone?

like like crushes right? i fucking wish. i am so god damn sick of myself. i dont feel fuck or shit for anyone. its a fucking wasteland. yes im on T so i want to fuck anything that moves. and yet? can i please have some feelings? please may i have some feelings? not aesthetic appreciation. not moral, personality appreciation. or even just a deep respect and compassion. these are all fine things of course. but cant someone just drive me crazy? cant i have that extra spice of life? cant i just have a little bit of happy crazy? i will know a perfectly lovely person and ill WANT to have feelings for them. but i FUCKEN DONT. I DONT!!!! SHIT!!!!! WHAT IS THE MEANIGN?!?!??!??!?!1 i have fucking YET to meet anyone im more obsessed with than some really gay ocs. come on universe!!!! bring it!!! poor oscar. poor fucking oscar. whatever wavelength im vibing on man you are not on it. i wish you were on it. i wish you were on it oscar. you are hot you are hot with your bike oscar. and the rose quartz i gave you. the rose quartz you wanted. but i feel no authentic electric connection to you. i feel like all i just see is how your brain works with a coolheaded certainty. all i do is analyze what you are wearing so i can be as hot as you. maybe id like to draw you. and girls from work. you are so beautiful and amazing. i see you in bikinis on instagram. and im like oh beauty standards. look at you go, adhering to them. my heart rate goes right along at the same old pace. dont tell me this is principles. does someone have to smell bad? like edward cullen?? CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST SEDUCE ME?!!!?? ID LOVE SOME EXTRA WILL TO LIVE! THEN MY STORIES WILL BE BETTER!!!! see this is the whole problem

16. The last song you listened to?

what am i to you by finn the human or actually that asgore fight song that i do not know the context of and dont want to until i play the game for myself

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

i would save this button for a karen.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

jk rowling. every time i see her face in a news article about why her bland new transphobia anvil book is pretty bland without addressing the raging transphobia in it and around it, i take a minute and contemplate shoving a pie in her face, and agonizing that i cannot do it from this distance.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

a... slave? is this a kink thing? im fucking laughing this is going to be so honest. probably a toxic person from my past i have unresolved sexual tension with, especially since i was in my abused kid shell and was a huge doormat so now im all vengeful with issues. since this is totally something i am open to considering right now i would like to browse this concept’s menu

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

yknow what? yknow what? i am just going to say all of me. i am feeling very body positive right now. i often feel isolated as fuck because of trans stuff and male body standards, but thats Also What Makes Me Special :) i like me, i like my face, i think i am very cool and unique, and i can walk fast.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

GOD DAMN IT THIS FUCKING QUESTION AGAIN

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

yes. but it’s a secret.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

deep sea creatures. idk. even if its small and not even ugly. i just lose my fucking mind. i jump out of my chair. i get the heebies and the jeebies.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

okay. chicken. cheese. something spicy so it wont be boring. a fuck ton of veggies so i can be healthy. and some olives, fuck olive haters.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

IM GOING TO GIVE IT TO MY LANDLORD <3

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

mexico city to see what all my friends are talking about.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

............................................................................

w    h       y

okay. i would go around tasting a bunch of fucking. really fancy old wines. listen i dont really drink okay. but with a very fancy old wine i can go around with a like, glass and look really sophisticated and tell gay things to gay people. hello boys. so id find one that strategically i would like the most for the rest of my life and choose it. and if its expensive i can sell it.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

i would stick a bell in the middle of it and all of us have to go there at six o’clock and throw bread at each other and fuck.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

cunt. i dont really use it ever, but boy it can pack a punch! 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

that means my trees because theyre living things? good. my phone. i need it to function. everything else i have on the clouds and i can just write on a napkin if i really need.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

:( 

i wanna say nothing because the good and the bad made me who i am and all that. and they’re learning experiences and healthy stuff. but some of my sisters abuse that has destroyed my psyche, literally just ruined my life, it would make things easier if that hadnt happened.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

WHAT I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS LIFE STOP TELL ME HOW I GET THERE

Okay i’m moving to... greece and i’m going to study ancient greek everything and live right on the edge of the sea where the water’s lapping the doorsteps. and im gonna learn greek by immersion

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

i am not surprised whatsoever death is a cool entity.

probably someone who died really sadly and too soon in my life (no one close to me thank god) but just as a service to society

34. What was your last dream about?

wolves with bombs were chasing me around a giant university. it was all part of the game. i was trying to protect some people... soldiers were chasing me... i was hiding under the floor... hiding from authorities and war are VERY common dreams for me

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Writer? Yes. am i saying that to sound full of myself? no. i am fighting very hard to maintain some self-confidence. i have done some writing recently and i am proud as fuck of myself. i caught myself thinking, “now that was banging, i know that was banging.” and so i just admitted it to myself.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

nooooot reeeaaaalllyyyyyy. i went in an ambulance for my face swelling up! still dont know if i needed to. still think i was allergic to the person i was talking to at the time. seriously when i stopped talking to them the hives went away. they literally gave me hives sdjfnskjndsjknfkjsfnjskdnfdsjknfjknf

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

they have inuyashas on them

39. What type of music do you like?

dark, longing, aching, angry, raw, disappointed, serious, low songs that get intense as fuck.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises for the concept, sunsets for the looks

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

you know what? i dont really like milkshakes. they dont feel good in my tummy even if it’s not my stomach having a fucking meltdown.

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

the fuck is football

43. Do you have any scars?

yes, most of them are from dermatillomania, two big cool-looking ones on my hands from touching a cookie sheet without an oven mitt and pouring microwaved coffee all over my thumb because literally every inch of the counter had a foot of dishes on it and i didn’t simply heat up the water normally because everything was dirty

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

i want to be a psychologist and an author

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

id like a dong please

46. Are you reliable?

yeeeeeesssssss...... but the adhd wins sometimes

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

future self: even if you’re in a worse off place than where i am right now, don’t regret anything, don’t beat yourself up. sometimes it’s realistic to have hope. you don’t have to be hard on yourself all the time just because it’s familiar and natural to you. so stop thinking “if i see a note from my past self ill be filled with rueful self awareness”

48. Do you hold grudges?

yes. i feel like im saving my soul a little and taking some power back when i am able to say “that hurt, that was wrong, and you don’t get access to me anymore, i don’t have to forgive you” it’s admitting that my own pain is real so i can listen to and protect myself. i wish i was more of a forgiving person but i spent too much time trying to forgive unorganically for the sake of being moral that i just can’t, can’t can’t now. it hurts so existentially and i deserve better. time for me to be mean and hold grudges. a little mean is okay.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a DOG  CAT????????

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

“doesn’t having a human-shaped robot with smoke coming out of it in the corner of your shop scare you late at night?”

“yes, sometimes i see it and jump a little”

51. Are you a good liar?

yes, when i’m dedicated. getting my birth certificate back? oscar worthy

52. How long could you go without talking?

i live like this lmao

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

once upon a time i had bangs. and a bob cut

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

yes bitch

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

yes bitch i can do a convincing british accent but i don’t want to broadcast that fact because being british is cringe and plus my name is gordon and im already trans and interested in cooking and my greatest fear is that people think i am trying to become him when i am deeply offended when people assume i make personal decisions for anyone other than myself. no one has ever actually voiced this theory to me but it haunts me late at night. i can honestly probably do any accent if i listen to it for a little bit. i find it very easy to imitate sounds and like individual speaking styles to the point of stealing them even when i dont want to. like actually this is something that just comes to me easily i think.

56. What do you like on your toast?

fuck toast. i make a grill cheese. cheese and garlic.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

i tried digitally painting a generic girl who ended up looking really simliar to someone i went to school with only i made the eyes way too small and i would show you except it’s too much work

58. What would be you dream car?

vw bug with giant monster wheels, black with flames, big booming stereo. eyelashes in a drag way. ill run pickup trucks off the road

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

i sang in the shower back when i felt free to annoy everyone in the house. oH WAIT IT DOESNT ANNOY PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND TO ME

...........

they taught me i was annoying. ANYWAY. i am too shy to sing in the shower but id love to. i dont really do anything unusual except that i take really long in there but yknow im not actually doing what people think im doing when i take long. im literally just sitting there decomposing, head empty.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yes, of course, i have been telling everyone theres water under mars since day one and now look. now look

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

yes. im a sagittarius and clearly it is needed because CLEARLY theres no other fucking sagittariuses

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

G, because my name starts with that and i’m just great. really, i like... it has a chonk to it. like a reliable chonk to it

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

YKNOW WHAT? im going with dragons because of the fantasy, fire breathing and so on but yknow for my wip i was going to have both dragons and dinosaurs at a reptile like shelter

64. What do you think about babies?

i think they should be loved and nurtured, but they are too much work for me to want for myself at this point of life, and you should definitely read some manuals before having one if you can because people can and do mess this the fuck up

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

you didn’t ask anything here so im just going to tell you something. i am going to tell you that i have always been so hell bent on writing even when i hate it because sometimes when things are going well i feel like i am just so in another world and i feel like im doing something im really really supposed to do. it is such a euphoria and it has an effect on my whole aura. i really wish i had never made myself stop but we can’t change the past so i shall just have to never stop again.

THANKS HOOOOO

[memekingjrsupreme]

Ask Away Anonymously Or Not.                        (◕‿◕✿) All My Asks I Answered On My Blog Deleted, So I Decided To Make An Ask Meme Thingyy.

(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed? Closed, ain't no monster gonna get these feets.

(2) Do You Have Freckles? No, but most of my family does.

(3) Can You Whistle? Hell yeah, my only talent. I can whistle in and out too, I do a bomb ambulance impression.

(4) Last Song You Listened To. Brown Eyes by Lady Gaga I think.

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour? Blue, Green, Orange. I don’t really like red or yellow, the rest are just okay.

(6) Relationship Status. Single but not wanting to mingle ;)

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now? Cold? Like 68 degrees maybe (Fahrenheit because America is the only real country)?

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky? Waking up makes me cranky, but I’m also sick so probably.

(9) How Many Followers? Only 204 rn, I don’t post content so whatchu expect (shoutout to all those pornbots following me).

(10) Zodiac Sign. Sagittarius

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour? Bluey-green

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily? I have some vitamin c chew things, but they kinda make me gag.

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower? If people aren’t home, or I can close all doors to ensure they can’t hear me.

(14) What Books Are You Reading? I can’t read.

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14. I don’t have any books other than my yearbooks in my room.

(16) Favourite Anime? I’ve only seen one, so it’d have to be Cory in the House.

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of? My dogs? I don’t really cry unless I’m thinking about stuff late at night so.

(18) Do You Collect Anything? I really like figures like of any kind so like I’m one of the only people I feel that likes Funko Pop.

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch? Nothing, I woke up at like 12pm and I can’t cook well.

(20) Do You Dance In The Car? Not really, I sing though (I can’t drive so its only with other people).

(21) Favourite Animal? I literally would love to meet any animal ever, but I’ve always had a special place for dogs and elephants.

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics? Whom?

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed? 2 am is the max I really do anymore, usually around midnight.

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now? Full face obviously (jk).

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean? I don’t swim, but probably ocean since there’s some good sea boys up in there.

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog? You’re all my friends and babies, but Otterlycrete since I tagged her ;) (how can you pick favorites though)

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water? Bottled unless I can have it from a filter.

(28) What Makes You Happy? Animals, family, friends, memes, graphic design (its my passion).

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now. Too lazy.

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music? With, otherwise I space out and don’t do anything.

(31) Dogs Or Cats? All animals are good, but I really love doggos.

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be? Black. It’s dependable and adds structure to pictures.

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox. No. I really only use my computer.

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean? This feels very similar to the other question, but lake or ocean to see swimmy animal bois.

(35) Do You Believe In Magic? Yes, as well as life after love.

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing? Black

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue? Yeah

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It? Hnnnng, spend.

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You? Mmyes, the merch of Katheryn Elizabeth Hudson.

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now? I only really get obsessed over music and albums, right now I’ve been listening to things like “The Fame” (as a good throwback), “Rainbow”, and “Poppy.Computer”.

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly? Yes.

(42) Are You Easily Influenced By Other People? Depends on the person, I definitely second guess things if someone says something but I’m usually strong in my decisions.

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams? I had a dream about being in kindergarten and playing with penguins and an elephant last night.

(44) Do You Like Going On Airplanes? I don’t like the idea of them, but I’m fine with being on them.

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry. Hidden Figures or Selena, both are ones I watched/rewatched recently.

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds? Peanuts

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be? Lana Del Rey, Marina and the Diamonds, Poppy, Katy Perry (again), pretty much anyone except T*ylor Sw*ft.

(48) Are You A Picky Eater? I don’t eat meat so yes I suppose.

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper? Kind of, things wake me up but I usually don’t care enough to stay awake.

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning? Love storms

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write? Depends on what I’m reading, I like the idea of writing but not actually doing it because it makes me feel self conscious.

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud? Yeah, as long as I’m not bothering people.

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents? Probably carve pumpkins because I suck at wrapping stuff.

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up? Body Electric by Lana Del Rey (issa bop)

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather) Winter (the best season).

(56)What Are You Craving Right Now? Nothing? Maybe the tofu from this one place (it's amazing), but idk.

(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed. Too Lazy (again).

(58) What Is Your Gender? I’m boy

(59) Coffee Or Tea? Both, those are my two favorite drinks how dare you pit them against each other.

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About? Yes. I gotta make some posters for a digital design class, but will I? No.

(61) What Is Your Sexuality? I’m not really into anyone in a very sexual way, I’d say I’m asexual. I’d rather be in a relationship with a guy though.

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning? No, its easier to get back into once I’ve decided I don’t want to face the realities of the modern world if I don’t make it.

(63) Favourite Pokemon? Arcanine? Charizard? Sceptile? Gardevoir? I love a LOT of them.

(64) Favourite Social Media? Twitter cause its like I’m friends with celebrities ;)

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories? I don’t use Instagram

(66) Do You Get Homesick? If I’m away for a little sure, I’m living at home before I go off to school so.

(67) Are You A Virgin? If you’re asking if I have a virgen de guadalupe candle, then yes.

(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now? Some random stuff, it smells dank though.

(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free? I’d go sleep in a car rn, idk why but I actually really don’t mind it. Maybe it's the cold or something.

(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life? Yep.

(71)  Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters? Coco, it looks great :)

(72) Do You Miss Your Ex? WHOMST’VE?

(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now? “Pushing my ex husband off of his own balcony has been the highlight of my day.” - Joanne the Scammer

(74)  What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest? Not really that they’re sexy but I like blue eyes, brown eyes, idk they’re all nice.

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set? I could take it or leave it both now and then.

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate? Soup and salad.

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone? Only Magikarp Jump and ACPC.

(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not? Who would just watch and let someone die…. What kind of question is this.

(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight? Of course, I’m a hooligan.

(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network? Not really, maybe a person I thought was familiar and wanted to verify.

(81) Do You Like Meeting New People? Not really, unless its someone I’ve heard of beforehand.

(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them. No, they give me anxiety (what if I lose them).

(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed? 100% always closed, I’m not trying to have someone watch me while I sleep.

(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today? Classwork, listened to music, played video games (lazy day).

(85) What Do You Wear To Bed? T-shirt and shorts (I can’t wear long pants and I’d never sleep without some type of clothing).

(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now. I’m ugly, what are those.

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person? Night, its way more calm.

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc. Oh honey…. To many to name (my favorites are Overwatch, WoW, Smite, BattleRite, etc).

(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened. I once dreamed I was in an 8-bit arcade game a few years ago, nothing topped that one.

(90) Favourite Soda Drink? Dr. Pepper?

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite? I don’t understand this, but like animals and music I guess.

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More? Sweats, jeans remind me too much of where I live.

(93) How Do You Look Right Now? A mess, sis.

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You. Family (sometimes, friends (sometimes), animals, games, music, rain, snow, nighttime.

(95) What Tattoo Do You Want? A lyric/quote from the song “Spaceship” by Kesha. “Nothing is real, love is everything, and I know nothing.” or some variation of that.

(96) Favourite YouTuber? EthosLab, Xisumavoid (even though I don’t really care about playing minecraft), I also really like Jaymes Mansfield.

If any of you wanna do this, feel free :)

[abunchofupdates]

Update #26

Just keep writing, writing, writing

I noticed that I didn't write as often as I thought. I barely wrote this year and last year I wrote like once a month. And these posts aren't stories but seems more like really random snippets of stories. I just re-read my blog since forever. And it's nice to see I wrote things down that I already had forgotten. Especially how I felt during those moments. I need to do that more often. Stuff has happened and I (for some reason) keep promising updates. So here we go

The end of an end

It's almost end December and that means a lot of things. Especially for me. At least this year. We had church FOUR days straight. Back to back. From the normal Saturday and Sunday. And then Christmas night? to eventually Christmas Eve. I played piano every single day. Everyday I don't know if you know but that's a LOT of songs. And on top of that Christmas song are notoriously hard. Like the hardest to play in church at least. Oh my goodness there were so many. But the singing is absolutely lovely and beautiful. So it was worth it. And I love playing them. On Christmas Eve we had your typically church play in which I played. It was hilarious. ATM played an "Blonde anti-christmas pirate" .....You should have seen it. I get tears in my eyes thinking about it. I even posted a pic about it on my insta

So that was super busy and then we visited family on Christmas 2.0. Miles away, we had to travel 4 hours to get there. Me and my sister just straight up bailed outta there in the evening after asking my mom. She "suddenly" wanted to stay over there to sleep. Yeahhhhhh, So no way we were doing that. So we dipped. The next day I did jack shit. The day after I had to pick up my new laptop charger since the old one literally set itself on fire. So that was nice. I passed SpacePanda on the way back. We played some smash. Talked a bit. Tiger was there too. Which was a surprise to be honest but ehh Next time. Also travelling alone takes three hours so I didn't plan anything else. I was so glad I could use my laptop again. I missed gaming and talking and everything ughhhhhhhh. My baby

This is just a title so everything seems organized

And then it was already Saturday again. We kinda had an end of the year party. There was food, (these nicknames are getting tiresome) Christmas (yes thats her nickname) was there too which super duper surprised me since I never saw her join the younger kiddos. But the age 'limit' is 30 So she is still more then welcome but I dunno. People with kids automatically seems a whole lot older. Not that there aren't 25+ people but we kinda outnumber them. But ayy the more the merrier. We also had a slide with pictures of things that happened last year. It was really great. And then church today. I talked to the pastor about a thing I don't want to write down but do want to remember later on to see how everything panned out. So I just did that ayy I am still talking to The Lady but I am so super busy that I barely talked to her. I did tell her that I won't have the time to talk to her like I normally do. Well not that explicit but she did say "cya in two weeks then" And she is also pretty busy with Christmas and everything so its okay. (Also I just hit her up today just to talk because I needed a breather)

Music Maestro

My music is doing great. It's funny to see how I freaked out about 23 subscribers when I now have 425 subscribers. I am currently working with 5 other people on an album. Me, Pandi, A boy with a balloon, ShamWow, Rukasu and Skinny Atlas. They are all excellent artists. None of them really does jazz tho, more lofi type music. But it's impressive nonetheless. We are making a TEN song album. 5 collabs and 5 individual tracks. Expect for Atlas. He just gets one song because he joined later on. We already have 4 collabs. I worked with Balloon on a track. It's almost done. And I need to start on my own song. I mean finish since I already started it.....a bit I FINALLY found a vocalist for my tracks. Jade was so nice to provide exactly what I was looking for. Took my over two years to find someone who can sing like she can with that amount of emotion and actually delivers her music. She's awesome. And to think that I met her on a minecraft server. One we both don't visit no more.....mad Here's the song we made.

I like it because it's so authentic. You can hear her smile and fuck up and getting nervous and even pausing before hitting really high notes it's all just so real. So true. She even said that she literally poured emotions into it. I love it

Tomorrow and the days after

Tomorrow I am going to visit even more family (ayy). This time some uncles I actually like. But still don't have super deep conversation with tho. But at least I will be comfortable. Going to celebrate new years eve with them and the day after that we are going to a restaurant with even MORE family. After all that is done I have less then a week to prepare for my exams. Which will be going on for two weeks but I have like six exams including English but we start with Networking which I am dreading But like five days should be enough to study right ? We will see. Anyway this was once again a lot of writing. And I haven't even discussed half but whatever If you made it till here. Thank you for wasting your time listening to me rambling

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Morpheus