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Update #32

Must be a surprise

So I am writing once more. I has been litteraly months since I last wrote something. I would need to check but I think its almost 6 months ago. (It's 4 months). And a lot has happended and many times I thought I should write this down but I didn't and thats that. I think I write to order my thoughts. To give everything some space and clear my mindpalace a bit. Or to try and understand myself more. On why I feel a certain way because the outcome is clear but I don't really now what led up to this. This must be weird to read. I normally don't write this way, this train of thought. I like to center things around a certain subject but now the subject is that I don't know what it is. Well no that's a lie.

Important things.

A couple important things happened. The biggest things is that I am madly in love with the Lady. Now more then before. Especially now. I asked her awhile ago if she wanted to date me. She said that she would love to on the expection that her dad was alright with it. Today she told me how her sister had a secret relationship with her current husband which ended well I suppose but I guess it wasn't the ideal start. Also her dad as protector and Head of the family means a lot in terms of Faith. And she loves him and would want to date with his approval. I notice this all sounds very distant but remind you that this happened months and I am just filling you in to understand the next part. So I said no problem. I met enough dads and moms and whatnot. And especially moms love me. Also my mother herself can be a brick wall at times and I still get through her. So meeting her dad wouldn't impose any problem. I would go there and make him like me as I have done with others np. Only I never got the chance to meet him. She told that I wanted to meet him before I got the chance to call himself. He then said he would get back to her when he thought the time was right...I have mentioned this happened months ago right? (I looked it up. This was 110+ days ago)

Since then coronavirus broke out which you are probably familiar with. The world is scared due to this virus and most countries are in a soft lockdown. Only essential traffic can pass the borders. And you know what isn't essential traffic. That's right, talking to your dads....I don't even know what to call her.Talking to Lady's dad. So even when he would say to come right over it wouldn't do anything. But here's whats bothering me. Her whole family recently came into this big metaphorical storm. One that brings your family closer if done right. One with a lot of hurt and need for patience. The way I am describe sounds like I know what it is but I don't. The Lady didn't tell me a whole lot only that it's big and that I need to pray for it. Which is still really something because I am one of the two people not directly involved that she told. And that is big. She is trusting me that much and still. And still. Still it bothers me not she can't tell what the thing is. What's must occupy her mind everyday. In the beginning I honestly had trouble talking to her because it seems I couldn't ask her about her day with touching the subject. I couldn't ask after it. I could, that's not true. I could and she would answer that it got better or that I needed to pray some more. Or something else. Don't get me wrong, she doesn't have the obligation to tell me. At all. I just wish she trusted me enough to want to tell me. Or can tell me. Or that we were close enough where she would.

But there's this ever fine line that we can't cross. The fact that we aren't even dating. And that hasn't stopped me from getting her gifts for her birhtday. Write her a poem or just writing her a letter saying I like her very much and think she's amazing. And that hasn't stopped her from getting me a handmade bracelet or a letter in which she says I am beautiful but I want so much more. I want to really be with her. I want to scream out that I love her like I never loved anyone or ever will. I want to end message with 'I love you bye'. In such a casual tone because it's something I always say without thinking about it. It's not love that I want. I have love. And I want more of her. I always thought that the hardest part about love was finding it. All those books and movies are about finding love. And even now I see my friends meeting people talking about girls and boys and searching for someone to be with.

But that was so incredibly easy for us. It took us years but when we met each and talked it clicked. And since then I only came to love her more and more. Finding her was easy. And she loves me back. I shouldn't say loves. I don't know whether to call it love from her side. But she wants to be with me too at least. Finding someone to be with and they wanting to be with you. I thought it would be harder. For reference I am 21 years old. And we met when I was 19. Which in my eyes is a incredibly young age to find someone. And yet we did. On top of that she's two years younger so she found it even sooner. It's this that's hard. And we didn't have to deal with finding someone forever. But most people don't have to deal with what we are dealing with. Having someone on this immense planet who wants to be with you and spend the rest of their lives with you but not being able to. Being so so far apart. That you can't see them. I know that she likes me. I just really really wished this barrier between us would dissapear. Whether that's the distance, the border, her dad or God Himself, I don't know.

Welp I wrote enough for today. It became clearer why I feel the way I am feeling. Now only a way to get rid of it.

Error 418, Morpheus

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Update #31

"Have the best year ever Morpheus" "Ow I already am"

It's now 02:34 am. We just ended our call. We as in me and the Lady. She has to work tomorrow as a teacher and thurdays are always her roughest days. It started with her asking if I was already home. I just came from the church since we always have prayer sessions then. This year they were shorted half an hour so I happened to be home when she texted me. "Yeah I am, it's shorter nowadays" "Do you want to call then and why are they shorter all of a sudden ?", she replied. "I will tell you in a minute"

I went ahead and brushed my teeth and washed my face since most of the times we call for hours on end and I don't feel like going to my whole routine by then. "I am ready freddy call me betty" I texted her. After a couple minutes she called me. It was odd seeing her again. AS if my brain had failed to remember how pretty she was. I spent the first few minutes just looking at her. Trying to remember every single aspect. "It feels like forever since I saw you" I started. "Well it's been forever" she said "Well not forever but a very long time" She always did that. She didn't use words like forever and always unless she meant it. Which in a way preserved the true meaning of those words.

The Call

I started telling her about how the church session went and how it was shorter and how new it is to be constantly playing and how powerfull and new the message was. I halfway apologized since we just started calling and I already started rambling for five minutes straight. She didn't mind if anything she enjoyed listening to my rambling once more. She then I told me about her days. Her struggle to finally get her rose-gold playstation controller and that its a her but doesn't has a name. How fun it was to celebrate her nieces birthday and having her sister over. What she did that day. And how she got over not making it into the church choir and how she was rejuvenated but the session. "But there's something you wanted me to talk about" "Yeah that's right" That Sunday I told her that I really wanted to talk to her but needed to do it via facetime atleast and there was a reason for that.

"Like I talk sometimes about you to Tango (an other nickname) most of the time he just askes how you are but sometimes it's a bit more serious like when do I plan on getting maried and whatnot " "When do you plan on getting married", she interuptted me. "We will get there", I continued. "But recently he advised me to also talk to the Priest. So basically I did that and like his wife was there too and I like just talked"."His Wife then mentioned how she noticed her flirting with me which I didn't see coming" The Lady then had to laugh and her cheeks coloured a bit red "How long have you known her for" The Wife asked "Since not last summer but the summer before that. The wife was pretty surprised. The Priest suddenly said "Yeah he did a fine job doing it the good way, but it go a bit intenser now." "Ow", I said "Yes and if you guys meet up do it somewhere publicly and not somewhere private where it's just the two of you". And that got me like "Ow......OOOOOW.....OOOOOOOOOOOOW.........huh ow"

The next sunday so last sunday at this moment. Tango came to me and sat me down and asked him wife Gloria to join him "So you just weren't going to fill me in just bastard" and then playfully hit me. "What did the Priest and you talked about huh".I told him that he basically gave me permission to start dating. "And you didn't even told me?! Did you tell her yet" "Uhmm not really" "Not really ?!!!!!" he said in total confusion. "Well it's not like she can date right now. She is like really busy" He looked at me almost rolling his eyes. "So that's your excuse???? Look you guys are always going to be busy. I work and my wife works halftime and we have a one year old together but we still make time for each other. Don't let being busy stopping you and be an excuse" He had a fair point. He and Gloria seemed extremly amused and also pretty happy for me. Gloria mentioned "Also make sure to she let her know what Priest said I am sure she would appreciate it"

The Future and more stuff

And around there I finished this story to her. She stayed silent for a bit and then stayed even silent. "When do you plan on getting married?" she started. "When Tango asked I said well let's first start dating, and this time nest year I will be wrapping my studies and since its super easy to find a job with and IT- bachelor I will be finding work and a home soon. Around then I will be starting to think about marriage." She thought for some more. We talked about how easy it is for IT people to find work. And other things "Is that it?" "Well I wanted to get your thoughts on this before I continued"."What more is there?" "Tango talked to Ali today to check if everything fine on your side."He did what?". We talked about how she would prefered to be the one to tell her but then we figured that he probably only mentioned my intentions.

At this point I was getting I told her this groundbreaking news but wasn't gettting any actual response to the dating thing.She was thinking too much. Maybe not too much but either way she wasn't responding so I asked "So Lady how does this comes across and how do you feel" in an attempt to ground her and get some first impressions. "I am happy you told me this and appreciate that you shared this". Even though this was a good answer it felt too thought over. Not raw enough. Nobody hears that someone wants to date them and goes "I can appreciate you telling me that". Even if obvious the truth. She then told me about the day she hundred percent knew I was the one for her and how God told her and how she knew this was her place. By the way the way she told me was like a thriller because I was  almost certain she was gonna end with "But you are not the one for me" but all ended well. But by then I still didn't know what she thought about the dating

Do you

I took some more questions and back and forth before I went "Okay Lady here's is the thing. Ultimately it doesn't matter what Tango and Ali and even Priest say because in the end it's about us two and God and right now I have no idea where you are or what you are thinking when you hear is or what you are feeling and it's like hard. Like give me a sign or clue even !" "Okay alright that's fair but you can't guess who I am feeling ? "Nope like I have no idea what's like being the Lady and hearing this from Morpheus"."Okay". Then she opened up. She was reaaaaally happy with this intentially said she needed confirmation but then she said that juuuuuuuuuust the past sunday she had put a special prayer in for (and get this) <b>relationship advancement</b> and I was like "?????????????? and you need more confirmation ???????" She had to laugh "Well okay that's maybe true. I asked her straight up and said "Lady", and looked her straight into her eyes "Do you want to date me". She had to laugh really and and as she turned red said "Yes! I yes I want to date you" and kept laughing. I think at that point I started dancing and sang a bit (I maybe sung the words "and I will be the father of your kids" which in hindsight.....) She had put her phone down which she tends to do when she feel flustered and said "Morpheus please stop" while chuckling. So I stopped the singing atleast. The dancing continued.

"I will probably need to meet your dad". I started by saying I could write a letter but then I wanted to call him to maybe meet at some time. So I asked Lady if I could facetime him when he got home but she refused and said no. I then said "Well how do I get a hold off him then?" and she replied "You will need to figure that out". I said puzzled "Well the thing is your are just a bit closer to him so it's easier for you" to which she said "That's true" but still offered me no help. It seemed she wanted it me to put some work in if I really wanted this "I will call him but then I need his number from you"."Okay but don't call him before 2pm". "Also could you talk to him about the dating before I talk to him because otherwise I will just be saying  nonsense"."Uhmm no I am not going to"."What??????? why wouldn-- you know actually that makes sense" "Well that was pretty fast"."Well yeah It just makes more sense like that anyway. First plan was talking to him first without you even knowing but that's impossible.

Throughout this whole ordeal she was smiling brightly for the most parts and thinking incredibly hard for the others. "If my dad approves I would happily date you" she said while turning shy. "I am sorry could you repeat that last part" I joked. She said she was very happy and very very nervous and the exact moment she said that she looked so incredibly adorable. I fell in love again hard. And I had to laugh "Why are you laughing?" Since I didn't want to harm her attempt at opening up I said "I was just laughing because you looked the very moment you said that" She had to laugh a bit. She said wait before she ended the call. Couple minutes later she called me again saying she hard to remove her lenses (and I am guessing some other stuff as well)

"She then said she reaaaaaaaaly need to go to sleep since it was 2.20 am and she still had to work tomorrow. She said it was lovely seeing me and talking to me. She wished me the best forever. "Have a best 2020 ever", "Ow I already am" then I just blew up from laughter and she laughed with me. I said "Wauw I can't believe you want to date me". I assume she turned red since she quickly put the covers over her face. Another thing she does while flustered "you can't just say that" she said in a small voice. "Well it true tho. Like the fact that you even exist but on top of that like me" ."I never said I like like you". "Nah you right you only date people you don't like then". She put the covers over her face again. I am going. It was lovely talking to you. I will speak to your dad soon. Good night and sweet dreams.

"Sweet dreams Morpheus"

It's now 4am. I think I finally got rid of the high off the conversation and am ready to go to sleep. I truly can't believe someone as amazing as her likes me. Not that I am a bad person but that one truly expectional person to be liked by. Just for who I am. I love that.  That's why now more then ever I am will be the best person I can be. Because someone like her derserves nothing but the best So I am going to be the best. The best I can be. Lady I really like you. I can't wait for I first date

Error 418, MorpheusCat

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Update #30

I can't write but basically I really love her

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Update #28

Foreshadowing

Wauw it has been literal months since I wrote something. I have written about two updates this year... I used to write or try to write once a week at some point. But now I barely write. I don't know why. I do remember wanting to write but being to lazy to grab my computer to do so. A shame really because I really like reading my stuff since I get to read things I forgot. Stuff that happened years ago at this point I started this blog-y thing on December 2015..It has been four years now. Well more like three and a bit. Glad that I am still doing this. I think because I more and more start getting into the habit of talking with other people about stuff that happens, that I lost the need to write them down any more ?

That the stories feel like the already have been told so there's no need in telling them twice ? I think that has to do with it. That and maybe growing up. Maybe older people feel less like writing everything down. I say that as if I have to guess it. As if I can't feel it. But I can't. Ow man this began hard to decipher already. I have no idea what was going on when I wrote last update. You can tell something wasn't right but I seriously can't remember what.... ... I'm thinking about anything that happened that I want to write down.

Anything that happened

Me and the Lady were facetiming each other. Wait that's not correct. She called me because she wanted to ask something. But I have a hard time remembering what it was...I do remember it was facetime worthy. Anyway she wanted to ask something and see my reaction but she didn't show hers. It was pretty late and it was this one thing. And since we literally have to schedule just to facetime so we can see both each other at the same time. I didn't feel like doing that so I said, "Sure I will be the only one to put on my cam" because I truly didn't mind. So we are talking and whatnot. And she was really down. Which I knew from our text convo's. And here's the thing. If you ask someone that's feeling down whether they are okay and they say "yeah ofcourse" like the three times you asked in a span of a minute. You just let them be. You can't force them to talk about it. And they don't want to. And maybe they are handling it. Maybe not.

So she was down and while we were talking she was really quiet. And I don't know we were having these long pauses were we were thinking. Like they say in Pulp Fiction, these pauses you don't feel like filling up with random rambling just to fill it up. (Important note: My ramblings are always to ramble, not to fill up the convo) That was the first time we had to pauses.... .... And at some point I asked her "hey.......are you really okay though?" .. and she said "......no" with a almost breaking voice. ... It broke my heart three times over to hear that. There's something intimate about admitting you are not okay. I can't remember the last time someone told me. Or I have told anyone. Even though I must have been feeling pretty not okay more then enough. The fact that she told me even surprised me, still does. .... We talked after that. She's beaming with light once more. And she was feeling better after we talked. But ugh it kills me because

The person I am going to be

I like her alright (surprise). No but I really do. Like like like her. And I know for a matter of fact that she like likes me. So you would think hey why not ask her out you know. But I can't. I know for a fact that I will fuck that up. There are still things that I am discovering about myself that I know would be in the way if I had a serious relationship. Like being late. It might sound trivial but I used to be late e v e r y w h e r e. Class, appointments, hanging with friends always I was late. Which to me didn't seem like a big deal until....until I need to work with someone who was always late. And o my. That was the worst thing ever permanent. They failed to complete even the smallest task. Everything had to be like five to ten minutes late. Everything. Even setting up coffee took them like two minutes too long. Which sounds petty but it's just an example to show that even the smallest thing took them too long.

.....So these days I make sure I am on time for everything. So that's one of the reason I am not dating. That time thing was just an example. There are bigger things that I suddenly noticed or got pointed out. Stuff I am working on. So that's one reason. The other is that I don't yet what my future is like. And she doesn't know either. Ow I forgot I actually spoke to her about it. Well that's not what I forgot, I forgot to mention it here. I facetimed her ofc since we can't do it live. And basically told her "Hey, I don't like uhmm talk to girls like

this

So that's that but I don't want to dive into a relationship neither. Not yet at least" And she shared my sentiment. She also becoming the person she's going to be. And hey if I am going to start a farming village in Ireland and she was to build hospitals in Guyana. Then it's better we didn't start a relationship. Because I am planning to do this exactly once and give it my all when I do. The text above counts for 1000 words. Which seem like more then enough for the moment I'm guessing there's more that could be said but maybe later. If you read this wish past-me success on his exams. I am going to need it. Okay that's that. As always thank you for listening to my rambling made to ramble. And remember

Error 418,

Morpheus Cat

[abunchofupdates]

Update #27

Keeping up the habit

Hello, I don't really feel like writing but tbh I don't feel like doing anything else so here we are. I am currently on my third and last week of vacation. I have done everything there is to do and I am getting tired of it all. I have read books, played sooo many games, made music (more about that later) Watched many many youtube videos, twitch streams and I even started and finished a show on Netflix. So now I am writing until it's time to go DM our weekly dnd game with the gang. I can't believe I will be happy when school starts again...

What has happened ?? Mmmmh

I talked a lot more with The Lady even though she is super busy. There's a lot of things going on in her life and I really really want to help. Like sometimes she would say something I just want to (this is so hard to put into words) To get rid of it. Exterminate the problem. And hold her and tell everything will be fine. But. I am not her bf and I learned the hard way to take things easy. So I just listen and pray because sometimes that's the only thing that's needed. Because she's that busy we had to plan a time where we could Facetime each other just so we could talk properly. Because you can convey a whole lot via text but some things......they just work better face to face. (And its also beautiful to see her face) I called her I think last week because I had discovered how to break Time itself

A guide on how to break the Constant Time Continuum.

Do you know how people can break a crystal glass with their voice ? Basically each crystal glass has pitch. The tone on which the glass resonates. If the tone gets matched you can cause the glass to resonates very hard and basically the glass will kind of ~wobble~. If the tone gets louder, the more wobbles there will be until the glass structure can't handle it any more and breaks.Now. You can do the same thing with Time itself. You need to cause these TimeWarps. Reading a book, listening to music, having fun,.. Those are all minor TimeWraps. Get Big ones and get them to prolong as long as you can. BAM Time will break and uhmm. I don't know what then. But I hope its something good

Where was I

I don't know what I was planning to say after that anyway I passed almost all my exams expect one. I fucking hate webdesign. For the other courses I passed with some very nice scores. I got 95% on my programming exams....That felt good We all got out into a new group. All groups got merged since so many people just dropped out. So I will be in a class with people I don't know...again. Which sucks

Warp One

You won't notice this but I'm writing this one the 03/15. I started writing and stopped at the end of previous chapter. I can't fully remember why I stopped writing but it seemed like a good place to continue. Music yeah. I made more music. I got invited to join this Collective of people. Generally small artists, myself included. We teamed up and made an album together. I was glad to work with other people. I collab'd on two songs on the album. I am really happy with how they turned out. Even though that meant I couldn't work on my own projects. The album is planned to be released within three weeks. So that's coolio I also made my first real money with my music !! I made like 60 real bucks with my music. Which is so weird. Songs I made on my crappy laptop in the dark while living at home, made me actual money that I can spend....wild. So yeah I think that was the think I wanted to say since I mentioned it in the intro... I'm less bored atm but I do have this headache that won't go away ugh...It hurts my eyes to look at the screen... I feel like I can't gather enough of my thoughts to write a coherent story that reflect my thoughts atm. That seems like a good place to end this update Thanks for listening,

Error 418,

Morpheus Cat

[abunchofupdates]

Update #26

Just keep writing, writing, writing

I noticed that I didn't write as often as I thought. I barely wrote this year and last year I wrote like once a month. And these posts aren't stories but seems more like really random snippets of stories. I just re-read my blog since forever. And it's nice to see I wrote things down that I already had forgotten. Especially how I felt during those moments. I need to do that more often. Stuff has happened and I (for some reason) keep promising updates. So here we go

The end of an end

It's almost end December and that means a lot of things. Especially for me. At least this year. We had church FOUR days straight. Back to back. From the normal Saturday and Sunday. And then Christmas night? to eventually Christmas Eve. I played piano every single day. Everyday I don't know if you know but that's a LOT of songs. And on top of that Christmas song are notoriously hard. Like the hardest to play in church at least. Oh my goodness there were so many. But the singing is absolutely lovely and beautiful. So it was worth it. And I love playing them. On Christmas Eve we had your typically church play in which I played. It was hilarious. ATM played an "Blonde anti-christmas pirate" .....You should have seen it. I get tears in my eyes thinking about it. I even posted a pic about it on my insta

So that was super busy and then we visited family on Christmas 2.0. Miles away, we had to travel 4 hours to get there. Me and my sister just straight up bailed outta there in the evening after asking my mom. She "suddenly" wanted to stay over there to sleep. Yeahhhhhh, So no way we were doing that. So we dipped. The next day I did jack shit. The day after I had to pick up my new laptop charger since the old one literally set itself on fire. So that was nice. I passed SpacePanda on the way back. We played some smash. Talked a bit. Tiger was there too. Which was a surprise to be honest but ehh Next time. Also travelling alone takes three hours so I didn't plan anything else. I was so glad I could use my laptop again. I missed gaming and talking and everything ughhhhhhhh. My baby

This is just a title so everything seems organized

And then it was already Saturday again. We kinda had an end of the year party. There was food, (these nicknames are getting tiresome) Christmas (yes thats her nickname) was there too which super duper surprised me since I never saw her join the younger kiddos. But the age 'limit' is 30 So she is still more then welcome but I dunno. People with kids automatically seems a whole lot older. Not that there aren't 25+ people but we kinda outnumber them. But ayy the more the merrier. We also had a slide with pictures of things that happened last year. It was really great. And then church today. I talked to the pastor about a thing I don't want to write down but do want to remember later on to see how everything panned out. So I just did that ayy I am still talking to The Lady but I am so super busy that I barely talked to her. I did tell her that I won't have the time to talk to her like I normally do. Well not that explicit but she did say "cya in two weeks then" And she is also pretty busy with Christmas and everything so its okay. (Also I just hit her up today just to talk because I needed a breather)

Music Maestro

My music is doing great. It's funny to see how I freaked out about 23 subscribers when I now have 425 subscribers. I am currently working with 5 other people on an album. Me, Pandi, A boy with a balloon, ShamWow, Rukasu and Skinny Atlas. They are all excellent artists. None of them really does jazz tho, more lofi type music. But it's impressive nonetheless. We are making a TEN song album. 5 collabs and 5 individual tracks. Expect for Atlas. He just gets one song because he joined later on. We already have 4 collabs. I worked with Balloon on a track. It's almost done. And I need to start on my own song. I mean finish since I already started it.....a bit I FINALLY found a vocalist for my tracks. Jade was so nice to provide exactly what I was looking for. Took my over two years to find someone who can sing like she can with that amount of emotion and actually delivers her music. She's awesome. And to think that I met her on a minecraft server. One we both don't visit no more.....mad Here's the song we made.

I like it because it's so authentic. You can hear her smile and fuck up and getting nervous and even pausing before hitting really high notes it's all just so real. So true. She even said that she literally poured emotions into it. I love it

Tomorrow and the days after

Tomorrow I am going to visit even more family (ayy). This time some uncles I actually like. But still don't have super deep conversation with tho. But at least I will be comfortable. Going to celebrate new years eve with them and the day after that we are going to a restaurant with even MORE family. After all that is done I have less then a week to prepare for my exams. Which will be going on for two weeks but I have like six exams including English but we start with Networking which I am dreading But like five days should be enough to study right ? We will see. Anyway this was once again a lot of writing. And I haven't even discussed half but whatever If you made it till here. Thank you for wasting your time listening to me rambling

Error 418,

Morpheus  

[abunchofupdates]

Update #25

Daytime talks

Hey everyone, It has been a looooong time since I wrote something. I literally forgot that I wrote in February for the last time. It kinda surprised me. Lots and lots of things have happened since but I have decided not to recap them. Since it's literally too much. So instead I will just keep writing and all the new relations and dynamics and feelings will hopefully become clear

The move

I moved like yesterday. I moved a block away. Everything including the rooms and kitchen and layout is the exact same.There weren't any small rooms available any more but the bigger rooms were just 10 bucks more. So ehh I took that one. I realized how little stuff things I have. Like I don't have any things beside the essentials. You could argue the books, some plastic plants aren't essentials but those are the only thing with a bit of colour. The white walls are staring me down. I need some posters. And ow I reaaaaally want a nice carpet. A big and fluffy. Dark grey if I could pick. But those things are easily a 100 bucks so eh.

I left the other dorm because it was waaaaaaayyy too loud. Like at least once a week I would have to get out of my bed and tell the new kids to be quiet. And the thing is every time they would actually quiet down. But a week later when they came home at 3am, smashed, it seems they forgot. I'm talking freaking music banging and lots of shouting... And then they would trash the kitchen, and not clean it up for two days....And they were just overall loud. But I would seem like a bitch to tell them to be quiet on a weekday at 7pm but if I happened to be studying...like ugh.... It was better that I moved.

I bumped into Midnight like the day before I moved. Which was weird because I hadn’t seen her like once a month. And I didn't even tried to hide from her or something. It just happened. She was like "Oh you are going to move ?" Like I hadn't told her but I told some people by saying "If you know someone that needs a room, call me. I'm selling mine" And after a while I thought everyone knew because I talked about it in the kitchen and wherever. But she hadn't picked up on it till two days ago. - "Yeah, tomorrow" "Ow, How can you leave me with these people?" Which surprised me because I (capital i) don't have anything with these people. I talk to them when I see them in the kitchen and that's it. Not chats no "Hey how are you doing. Haven't talked to you in awhile", no going with them to parties. But she did all those things (And fucked most of them) So a bit baffled that she cared I explained I needed some rest and sleep and a place to study. We had some small talk but it was weird talking to her after all this time. Really weird. Even weirder that she said that I couldn't leave her behind. I promised to visit her quickly on Thursday because it's her birthday but really pfff. I might straight up not go...but I don't like to break promises......

The (finding nicknames is hard) Happy was also reaaaaaaaaaaaally sad that I left. I was talking about it yesterday when me and Happy were making burritos. Like I said I didn't text these people or went out of my way too talk to them. This is also true with this girl Happy but when I see her she's just a delight. She is extremely happy every time we meet. I just feed off that energy. I saw her yesterday at campus and she greeted me half dancing super happy. Only to tell me her day sucked. And that is the response on a sad day But yeah her day sucked and she was falling behind everything and it was hard and blehh.

So I said "Hey I'm going to make some burritos. How about you join in ?" Her mood just lit up and she was like "Yeah yeah I love burritos lets go. I don't wanna be alone on a day like this anyway" So we went to the store, after searching for an hour after this doomed burrito mix thing for meat, we eventually just took a taco meat mix. Which she paid for because I couldn't pay with my phone, which I had to because I lost my card (which I still need to block).

What a sentence. Anyway, She also bought some Dorito for a little experiment. So we went home, to the kitchen. Prepared everything (it was deliciousioso) The added dorito was a really really great idea. And she was just super helpful and well happy. And we laughed a lot. Ow man can she make awkward jokes. And then some dudes came in and they asked when I was actually leaving and I was like today man. "Ow really ?" - "Yeah man, after dinner I probably need to walk back and forth like a million times with this dumb suitcase bla bla bla" Then I noticed Happy looking like weird at me... ... "What you are leaving ?", she said in such a small voice.. It broke my heart - "Whaaaaat you didn't know ???????" "....nooooo" It was truly the saddest thing that day. I directly hugged her but she was actually sad. Ow man I felt so bad She even said "Today was already a sad day" .... ....mah heart mah sole When finished the burritos and ate them which cheered her up a bit. But man this was truly the worst way for her to find out. I might invite her over to play some games or just talk you know. She deserves that.

Under the sea

Yesterday I watched "Ariel the little mermaid" with (more nicknames uhhh) The Lady. Since everyone got a proper introduction. Here is hers. I met her in a church type of convention (Remember the church events?). It was really weird. I was just lying down on some seats and she was sitting in front of me (The seats were of other people but we had a break and I was tried so I laid down not that it matters) and she was like "What is you doing" - "Laying down ?????????" Like ?????? "What" And that's kinda how we met. We really started talking on my Jesus camp (That's not the actual name but Spacepanda calls it that and I love it. This was the second Camp I went to. Not the first one with Tissue). We really connected (this is a note telling me that this is a note, Ignore it please) and we started talking.

And somehow that led to us watching the Little Mermaid yesterday. To be honest I had never seen it ever and she is maybe the number one Disney fan existing and it was her favourite disney movie on top of that. So you can imagine the shock when I told her I didn't see it. Despite me saying I saw all Disney movies. It was a fun movie. Even though all the problems got solved by stabbing the sea witch. Like seriously that's one brutal ending. Like "Ow no there's a baddy what can we do to "SHANK. She ded. Problem solved

Lady wasn't happy with my uhm vision on that ending. Either way. Lots of fun After that we made me (a look alike me) in Sims4. Like together. It was my idea but it took a lot more then I thought to make a person in Sims. From personal goals to a side close-up from my nose. I was NOT prepared lol. But hey one way to getting to know someone

That's a lot

I think that's it for now. I still have a ton of stuff regarding church, family college ow by the way. I passed all but one exam with at least 80% or above. The Networking exam was harder than the rest and I scored a okay 65% on it. and I'm so so happy proud on myself. There's wayyyyy more stuff about college, friends, my music, how Spacepanda and Tiger broke up and all sorts of things but That's for later. I'm kinda done writing Thank you for reading my story.

Error 418,

Morpheus Cat

[abunchofupdates]

Update #24

Midnight Talks

I wonder what Evel Knievel thought when he had to jump over a canyon. I wonder whether he visited the canyon before jumping over. To take a good look at it. He must has seen it. Feared it. Think about for weeks. Him and the canyon. The canyon and him. And still decided to jump... Wouldn't he lose way more then he could gain ???? Either he jumped and succeed........meaning more money, more fame. Maybe he felt greater then he was when he jumped. That for seconds, he owned the world. .. Or he could died. The loss upon losing this challenge would be much greater then the gain if he succeeded. Pretty dumb as fuck, Evel Knievel. Yet that's exactly what I did...

21pm *knock knock*

I heard a faint knocking on my door.. .. You know I could literally tell you what happened. But that wouldn't tell you.. what happened... .....

23pm

We just finished watching Coco. The new Disney Pixar movie... Hmm..about Mexico and umm..music(?) ... I wanted to hear some Spanish music. So I played the Narcos theme song. You know, the one from the Netflix original series ?? ....... Then we started talking... I said I wanted to make a Spanish song (still do)...And she mention she wanted to play guitar...and also piano. That I could do. Play piano, I mean. So I said I would teach her. Now. And grabbed my keyboard and laptop which were already plugged in.

"Is there a song you want to play ?".....

- "No....there was this one song but I forgot the name"

"....I know what to teach you" So I played "Another love" by Tom Odell since that song is really easy to play.

"Come"

- "I have nowhere to sit though ?"

"Well you go to your room and take a chair or try my lap"

- "..."

"...."

-"Really..? ", She said in a softer voice.

"Yeah.........", I replied

She sat down...

"Well playing piano isn't that hard..." This is what I mean with I can tell you what happened but not.....really(?)... And with her on my lap I whispered into her ear how to play. (Even though the piano didn't had my 'prime' attention) She went back to my bed....laid down on her cushion. ... ..... .. I followed her. She in a semi-fetus position on one side of the bed. I on the other side. With our heads meeting in the middle ....

00am. You can't teach what you don't know

... .... We were talking for a while now. Solely about the past..

-"I don't think you know me, as I am"

"What do you mean

-".....I feel as if you have the wrong idea about, me, and how I am" I have heard that exactly once before... So, I told her what I knew.

"Am I wrong ?"

- ".......no not wrong, just...."

"I'm not wrong there are just things I don't know"

- "..........."

".." She nodded lightly. .. .... So, we kept talking....past midnight

1am. Whispers

We both had stopped... talking..I was still playing with her hair. We both still facing each other in the middle. (that sentence was meant to be poetic)

- "what..are you thinking about", she asked softly. I started to smile.

"I have this blog where I keep track with everything that happens...Don't really know who reads it. But I have nicknames for everyone so even if you would know me. You wouldn't know who is who....You are also in it"

- "mmhm...what’s my nickname..mmh?"

"Midnight"

...... ...... And not knowing where I was going... I went.... wandering.....lost .... [redacted]

1am. Spilling into you

That's the name of a song I was listening recently, wait. Here.

[redacted]

Error 418,

Morpheus Cat

[abunchofupdates]

Update #23

A shit ton has happened..

I'm back to writing again. I don't why exactly it took so long for me to write again... There were some moments I thought, I should definitely write this down. But then i didn't. And there were moments I wanted to write just something without having anything to write about. But still I didn't. But here we're. Me wanting to write and having to write about. I think it's since I have my piano, so instead of processing what happens by writing, I made songs. And then I didn't need to write ?? That's the only explanation I could come up with... So let me try and recap most of what happened

December recap

I can't even remember what's important.. Ow the party. Spacepanda suggested that we would drop by as she is the person who's always like, hey guys let's do something, and everyone is always like, yeah sure why not. So we went to her house where she lives with her boyfriend. I'm sure she technically doesn't live with her boyfriend but everytime I'm there, he's also there. So basically he lives there. So he, Mr.Verm, Tom and me where there. Oow and umm, dunno what I called him but let's call him The Nerd, he was there to everyone's surprise because he's like super busy all the time with university and what not and he lives pretty far away. He still dropped by which was nice. So us 6? started to play some board game (which took forever....I lost) Then we got some pizza and started drinking my "Deluxe Drink". I can't tell you the ingredients unless you are going to drink it. Because it's....quite the combo. We had a drinking game with those drinks.(Which prompted me to keep drinking 24/7 because The Nerd was being a idiot.) and then after we sent Mr.Verm and The Nerd home. Spacepanda, Tiger, Tom and I we played this game where you would get a description and guess how someone died. I hated it. We were stuck on one card for like an hour. After we called it a night and went to sleep. It was lots of fun.

In December I met Prom aka Jade...That was also very interesting. We kicked it off pretty quickly and then we started snapchatting and stuff. And with "and stuff" I mean flirting. The problem is that she lives in like California and we both don't really date of the internet. We are really face-to-face people. But it's nice, maybe if she lived closer...She was planning to go to Austria in the summer (like before we met) maybe we can still like meet. We got really ummm....familiar. At some points...that was fun. But like I said, the internet and such. Currently we watch show together (Silicon Valley) and since she's up late and I'm also. I like talk to her from midnight till like 2am and when I wake up at 9am she's still up and we talk again. Not like every single day because we have stuff to do but like when we have time.

I celebrated Christmas at home. Which was nice, we had a modest celebration. We also celebrated my moms birthday since she was born on 25 December. The next day some family dropped by like eight people, and we had our little get together My sister showed her boyfriend off but we had like a problem since he didn't talk french. And my whole family is french. But he spoke English but not everyone in my family spoke English. Some spoke an African language. So the whole thing became like a soup of languages which was pretty comical. But it was fun. After that I became sick (probably because of all those kick flips) so I celebrated New Years Even sick in discord joined by The Nerd also became sick. That was really bonding...

January Recap

Nothing really happened in January...Oh wait. I had my exams which mostly went terrible...yeah. Rip me. I have to redo a couple of those in August which sucks BALLS. But they are over now. At the end of the exams I had like a final Project. We had to make install: A FTP server, An Apache Server with a self made website and Game server. We got like a router and a switch and cables and that was it. Not even cables, we had to make those ourselves. And the teachers were like, "okay...hook up everything on the network...Go" ...good thing I had an amazing team and we absolutely nailed that project. I had to do the FTP Server and we choose like Minecraft for our Game Server. So at one point, we had multiple people from other networks on our server which then they immediately started blowing our world with TNT and killing us...I loved it.

The start of Midnight

Currently I have vacation. And like I met (Coming up the nicknames that fit people is getting harder and harder) ....let's call her Midnight. So I met Midnight last Friday when Spacepanda dropped to visit me. And we (me and Spacepanda) like went out and got some frozen pizza and some wine. But we didn't have the thingy to open the wine bottle. So I went to my Neighbor (That's her nickname) and asked is she had one. But she didn't and suggested we asked Midnight, this new girl in our block. She didn't. But when I dropped off Spacepanda on the train (after miscalculating the time it took us to get there and sprinting to get the train) and went back to offer the rest of the wine to Midnight. But that's a story for later since I wrote a shit ton already. I will put that in the next Update.. As always

Error 418,

Morpheus Cat

[abunchofupdates]

Update #22

more writing...yeah!

Music

My music channel grew a lot since last time we spoke. I now have 67 subscribers and it's growing steadily.

... I don't actually feel like writing

........let's skip this, okay ?

[abunchofupdates]

Update #21

Hey,

Spooky season started and college is going on for awhile so I'm writing again.

Send help

It's now almost 4 AM. And I can't sleeeeeep. My natural day/night cycled is messed up. Since I didn't need to wake up till like 11u30 my sleeping rhythm just moved 4 hours. So now I go to sleep at 6 AM. Which wouldn't be a problem if I didn't need to wake at 8AM Sunday. So I need to fix that. Also just sucks missing 2/3 of the day. But more things happened in the meantime.

No they didn't, I lied.

There's literally nothing to do in this Small City. You have houses, more houses, college, and like 3 legit stores. Which one of them is a pizza diner so I got that going for me. Uuuum things that happened. The very first day an other student living here, one of them offered me a beer. It was like 10 AM and I passed saying no thanks. I had brought my apple juice to drink with my breakfast. Later he introduced me saying "This is Morpheus, He hates beer". I said "True that". He was like....."WHAT actually. Are you serious". And I was like, yeah man hate it. And everyone just kinda stared at me... And that was it. Later I was drinking while thinking that beer smelled very strong while I made my food and drank apple juice. and then I SPIT out my drink....the dude had poured some beer in my apple juice when I didn't looked lol. (And i just gulped it down) That's why I thought it smelled that strong all of sudden. I drank some water, we both laughed. I really didn't mind....but the taste. Ugh.

B O R I N G

The lessons are easy as shit. It's like learning English from actually scratch. "You have the verb 'to be'. First form singular is....? Someone ? Yes, I am. AM don't forget that guys write it down. Second form....etc" I just come to the class, make the exercises that are due next week and leave asap. Same for all my classes except networking. The dude at my last college was hella retarded. This time I actually understand the dude. We had to capture packets with Wireshark which was very cool. But yeah. Currently, I arrive 5 minutes before every class and exit as soon as the teacher says "You are free to go". I like it...it's boring.

I go left, take him on the right side

I still game a shit ton with the squadron (that rhymed). I recently bought CS:GO which I love. It's literally THE shooter game I was looking for. Quick, easy to learn but still rewarding. Next to that I game with Mr.Verm. Some stick fighting game. We recorded an video together. In which I tried not to say fuck every 5 seconds (he has a pg friendly channel)....I think I made that every 15 seconds...So success.

Girls

Ah lol.

This needs a...sax ?

I'm still making music but since I own a keyboard (my baby) I'm learning how to make my own song but like make them fully me. Without plucking a beat of the internet. Beat making is still the hardest part for me. Definitely a bottle neck. But I try. Me and umm....(forgot the nickname I had for him, new one it is) atm tried to make a song together. But the thing is, he is very talented but has no concentration. I might be able to sit and work 3 hours on a song, he can't. So it's hard working like that. We didn't came very far. I wanted to include (I keep forgetting my own nicknames) Miss Daya but he didn't feel like it. Which is going to be a problem because we need a singer. I need a singer. Blueberry is currently working on a track I made so hopefully that works out.

My YouTube channel is growing steadily. I currently have 23 subscribers. But but the thing I am so happy is that TWO big channel wanted to future my music. I send a message, asking if it was alright if I send them some music. They both said YES (One dude his email didn't work, a third dude) Sooooo I super happy One has like 2.5k subs and the other 52K. That's more than 54 THOUSAND people who are going to hear my music. I'm so happy.(like really really happy) I am really working on building a network. And yeah it's working. How nice is it when a plan just works out. Of course I'm going to upload my latests song. So enjoy. That's it I think. Ow yeah, my sister has her birthday next Tuesday and I'm set to buy her the best present she's going to get. Which is going to be hard because she has a really caring boyfriend and all that. And even still, mine is going to blow her. I will write down how it went.

Error 418,

Morpheus Cat

[abunchofupdates]

Update #20

Late again ?

I am now in the first train to school after missing the first period. Because the first period is too early and I can't reach it on time. Unless I literally live in my college dorm. Because banks are bitches. And the houseowner also but at least that I suspected to be. So I hope my teachers won't be mad. .... I now realize....that I have no idea in which group I am. Apparently we have 4 groups, each group being 20 somewhat people. Also you had to choose your extra class the day on intro day??? Like I knew that. Now I'm not appearing on the list of people. Going to write an email for that real soon. (future me: the mail wasn't addressed to me) Also have no idea where to be.

On the campus site they don't have a map or whatever. So I'm going for the scrub option and walk to the front desk and hope am I not the 100th person asking for directions (would be fun tho if I was and there were like balloons and arrows saying "Dumb ass") As you may noticed I am writing to relax my nerves. Don't know what for. The teacher won't know I skipped class. I highly doubt classmates will give a fuck. (Knowing how much fucks classmates give to each other) Only the teacher who's class I missed will be like 'Oh, didn't see you last time. Oh well next up....' And that is only next week. I'm guessing this is the 'everything is new' kind of nerves? I don't like it. I did already downloaded the ppt for the class. I will stop writing now. And give y'all an update later.

An update

Okay, I had to change trains a couple minutes ago. In the station they had put a piano. So naturally I went ahead and tapped out a song. I must say that it really relaxed me. I didn't realize how much I missed playing piano. I want to go back and just play all day instead of going to school. But ah...aaah. Well probably another update in like an half hour.

More than a half hour later

School just finished. It's like I said. The teacher didn't notice. And classmates didn't give a fuck. I like it. So arriving I took the bus to school and arrived with like 10 mintues left to find my classroom but luckily everything is labelled pretty clearly and I found it. The thing tho is that I hadn't eat since 9 AM and it took me hours to get there the next time I ate was 2 PM and MAN was I starving. The teacher is and old woman in her 50s. Not the person I suspected to teach programming. We have her 6 hours a week. The thing is she is really nice and pretty chill (stuff like, wear a hat if you like...,idgaf) But she sounds as if she's going to start coughing any single moment. You know that feeling ? When you are about to cough really bad but still trying to talk at the same time. She sounds like that. Apparently the exams are open book meaning we can literally use all the slide we get + a sheet we can make. And since the slide are the whole curriculum....this is going to be wayyyy easier then last year. We are with 23 people in the class. With like one girl. Poor her...(Well depends how you look at it) And to be honest. I'm not going to bother making friends. I already have 3 friends. How much more do you need ? I'm just going to concentrate on my study because I can't fuck this up twice. Just school. Study .Sleep. Repeat....and gaming. Not going to stop gaming....and music. But that's part of my life anyway. I'm going to SpacePanda because I forgot my headphones over there after a sleepover with Mr. Verm, Blueberry and Tigger.

Error 418,

Morpheus Cat

[abunchofupdates]

Update #19

Whoops

Yeah, so as you noticed I haven't made a part two 'the next week' as promised. The thing being that I'm really lazy and didn't feel like it. But that doesn't matter since this is my story and there's no pressure to write. But ermm Yeah stuff has happened.

Things they don't teach you

Before I started working they gave this quick lessons. How to walk in a restaurant, how to carry plates, how to dress, how to tie your tie. BUT. There are something I wish I knew before starting. They teach you that you can't eat on the job but actually you can...Just make sure the boss don't see. They teach you that teamwork is important but not that some colleagues can be retarded asswacks who t surprisingly know how to breathe in the first place. That you need to be kind and attentive each moment but the boss can be a complete DICK WAD the whole evening untill the job is done....then they are like "Oh well guys you did a amazing job. Really. I hope I see you guys soon". Like....okay. I don't want to know how they are when they are actually pissed. They teach you that you will be given to eat...that's just a lie. Fix your own stuff. They didn't teach me that I would sitting on a empty parking lot at 3 AM while eating vaguely cold spaghetti (best spaghetti in my life) with another dude who is telling a story about how his mum lost her husband, and he his dad, at the age of 20 and a part of her right arm and that that is the meaning behind his tattoo.

They didn't teach me that but I'm glad I learned it...(and that there is this amazing pizza restaurant open till 1 AM who serve the best pizza in the world. Even though I made a lot of money I spent it on stuff I really needed. Except my keyboard. Ooooh man do I love my keyboard. I bought the 'Novation Launchkey 49 keys mkII'. It's a beauty I want to learn how to do live performance with the built-in drumpad. With like samples and live sounds and what not. The first I'm going to do is recreate some songs so I can focus on solely on the playing part. I'm guessing playing the song and programming it will be vastly different.

Yeah, no, fuck you

I CAN NOT GO TO SCHOOL BECAUSE I CAN NOT ENTER MY APARTMENT. It's because the owner is yet to receive the money (it's on the way) and doesn't want me to enter (technically not) my apartement. SOOOOooooo I can't go to school tomorrow. The super important first day. Where everyone meets each other and talks about the vacation and what they studied before and whatever. Yeah umm no. Missing that. I have no idea how big my class is. It could be 200 man big or like 10. I don't know. Nor do I know how my campus looks and where to be for whatever. I just hope I can move out ASAP. Because I need to go to fucking school.

Shit I forgot

Yeah you know I talked to the Tissue girl ? Well it's not like she doesn't seem interested or she doesn't try to keep the conversation going but ah...aaaah I quickly noticed that I am the one who's always texting first so umm fuck that. Umm....what else ?? I don't know. I'm pretty sure more happened but I can't recall it right now. Ugh whatever.

p.s.

I made more music. I am glad to say this is the best one yet.That's it. For now..... I'm pretty sure I forgot something important................................. Whatever

Error 418,

Morpheus Cat

[abunchofupdates]

Update #18

I am on the train again.

It seems I like writing while travelling. It's just easier (and I don't have wifi to do anything else) So here I'm writing. Quite a lot has happened since last time I wrote. I went camping. It was great and I had a lot of fun. And there I met this girl who I call Tissue. And I had my first real job in awhile but now I'm dead. But let's start at the beginning.

The camp

I woke up realising I have was wide awake and slept a good 8 hours. Normally before camping, school trips,Christmas,...whatever. I'm awake for hours thinking what will happen tomorrow while I should be sleeping. And eventually fall asleep and wake up like 6 am the day after. But not this time. We had to leave at 12 am or so. So I woke up, took a nice long shower. Had breakfast. The living room was full of clothes,suitcases and travelling bags, I also put some last minute stuff in my suitcase. It was metallic blue and rather small because we were only gone for 5 days. With 'we' I mean me, my little brother and sister. A friend of the family was so nice to pick us up. Arriving at the camp. I already saw a lot if friends, taking their bags and saying good bye to their family. I said goodbye and went off to drop my little brother. The camp was divided in age categories None of us sat together. Next year my and my sister will be in the same category. But that doesn't really matter since only three activity were divided by age. I went to write my brother and me in since he wouldn't leave my side.(which quickly change) And then I went to my room

The room

(I just decided I will cut this story in different updates because this one will be quite long) I was disappointed to see that none of my friends were in the same room but I'm guessing that was done on purpose.We had two room mates were part of the staff so I barely saw them. Then we have these two dudes. They were best friends and are always always together. They were literally dudes. Not boys no men, dudes. When we had some free time they would sit in there room and lay on the bed doing nothing. Well doing nothing together I guess. And last we had this annoying ass kid would be keep you awake at night. Keep talking 24/7. Make stupid jokes. Literally at the end I felt like beating his ass. You don't understand how annoying he was. Literally, when the door opened you hoped it would be a bear and not him. For the rest... Bla bla bla, good food, nice people, lot's of ping pong,good fun...

And then there was this girl.

I wanted to talk to her since literally last year. You know when someone is pretty and you think '...damn son. How are you doin' ? *wink wink*'' BUT. You also have the kind of pretty were you think. 'You...and....me.....???????'. Do you see the difference ? Well that's at least that's what I had. So, I saw her, she saw me But this is different since we both go to the church and what not. So I saw here only on like these church events (That's one way to say Easter and stuff...so.'church events') So I saw her only that much in a year. But she was also at this church camp. But. I couldn't just go ahead and say 'hi'. (well I could but shhht.) She was constantly surrounded by one or two friends. So I couldn't just come in. And interrupt their conversation by introducing myself. But we did had this 'contact'. You know ? But the thing is she also didn't say anything to me. So I was like, how much can she be into me ? So the first day I did nothing. But but but that was part of the 5 steps to a girl( It wasn't)

The five steps

It's a ancient trick past unto me by my ancestors (I just made it up) The first step is: Admire her from far (It still isn't real) So I did. Now the next day I casually came closer (also a dozen other thing happened so it's not like I was doing this 24/7). Casually said 'hi' while passing by. Sitting a table away at dinner (totally not creeping). Just being in her peripherally vision. But when walking back to the chambers one evening. With her like 2 feet behind me. I heard her friend saying my name and 'something something Morpheus'. Never found out whether it was good or bad. But here's the thing. It doesn't matter. Because whenever they mention you is a good thing. Just the fact that you are being discussed is good. Doesn't even matter if they discuss how they going to murder you......(or so I tell myself) The third day (since the camp was only five days). I started panicking and said to myself if I was going to do this, I should be doing this right now. So in the evening we had this 'gala show' with games. I thought it was pretty lame but that was probably because it was 2am. And it was lame.

But yeah she sat there. (Being pretty and what not.)So I....I did it. I went over and talked to her. It wasn't that hard. (Eventually) We had fun. I like to think I'm funny or at least I enjoy making people laugh. So, that's what I did. With just a sprinkle of flirtation. And she laughed. There was also the girl (who said my name) and her friend who I wasn't sure had a crush on her ? I first thought they were dating but apparently not. And even though it became 3am. We sat together and talked. The next day I grew a second pair of balls and went sitting at 'their' table. A friend became a little 'hostile' ? That's not the right word. But she asked me 'where do you come from ?' as in 'why the frick frack are you sitting on our table'. I said I found them both so funny. I just had to come sit here.

The days passed

...and the camp was over. A couple days back (from now). She added me to Facebook, snapchat and I have her number. So I was going to (slide in dem dm's. Like the kiddo's say) And mainly being or trying to be funny...good thing she's into memes though. Problem is that she 's on vacation so I'm only talking to her in the evening. Counting the time difference. It's not a whole lot. But it's there. Just have to not fuck this up. (later this week the rest)

Error 418,

Morpheus

[abunchofupdates]

Update #17

The vacation started.

I have failed almost every subject of my Major. I still didn't told my mother about it. So I'm breathing in the freedom I still have left. I'm currently in bed writing this. Mom woke us up at 10am to do literally jack shit. I woke up. Got breakfast and now I'm back here. I seriously could have used another 2 hours of sleep since I went sleeping at 3am. And she didn't just "woke us up". No no no. She comes in screaming (not literally screaming more raising here voice unnecessary high) saying we are lazy and are always sleeping and should get up or else she going to lock the fridge.................

Mini-move

Man, this is bad for my good vibes. And for my "vacation" In a week or so. I will go to my sister since I need to be in the City for work. And I since I will be working till sometimes 12am I can't go home. So I will be there for about a month or so.

Actually explaining my music

I have 'released' another song. It's called Alone. And it's very very slow. I always feel like if you are alone everything goes slower. Your tempo adjusts to you regular self. And you calm down It's starts with this synth that's all over the place and a drum to keep it steady. Then my 'bleeps' come in. Kinda like a satellite beeping for response. Trying different patterns and sounds. And later the bass comes in. The bass is kinda an answer to the bleep. And together they sync. But it not the same tune they sing. They add to each other. And the song keeps playing until eventually the bass stops responds and the bleeps keep looking for response until that also stops. And the steady drum keeps going.

Summer sadness

I always feel alone in the summer. Like I should be doing something but I'm not. Probably because school gave me a sense of direction and what to do during the day. But now I can pick whatever I want...I don't feel like picking something. The thing is I can't do something longer then maybe two hours. Max. So I make music,work on the game,draw,scroll my feed, watch YouTube video's and I love doing each of these things but not every single day again and again. It makes me feel lonely somehow. I don't want to be alone. .

....you know the music I'm listening is not really helping either though. I'm listening to the 9 minute long version of 'medicine' from artist 'joji'. Pretty neato. Also I'm planning something very interesting. I don't know if it will actually work. So I don't want to write it down and keep it as a failed memory forever. But I have an idea. Something to keep me busy. That's pretty much it. I will probably proof read this when I'm less sad. Probably.

Error 418,

Morpheus Cat

[abunchofupdates]

Update #16

Let's Recap

Okay so what happened. I never explained why I was suddenly riding in trains and what not. First of all I lost access to my blog. All of it. The password recovery thingy didn't work. And since I'm the only administrator...I could still browser all my updates(luckily) and the whole site, just not the back-end. So I couldn't keep you guys updated. So while I was thinking of a solution I kept writing in notepad and just kept the updates on my pc until I got my blog back. Because the train ride to the city is just long enough write one of these. I think I wrote the last three updates on my pc. And a lot has happened in the meantime.

The Musician Cynnatra

The Cynnatra Youtube is no more. Well it's still there but I have no access to it. I did kept the logo but the rest I changed. I'm now called "Mingu5" after Charles Mingus the Legend. If you like Jazz you should listen to Moanin' from Mingus. But yeah Mingu5. (The name is okay but I like Cynnatra more.) I made a Youtube and Soundcloud page. The Youtube Channel is still empty. I want to make video's in the style of Majestic Casual. Just a Picture with my logo and name. Or maybe a gif ? Don't know. And I have a soundcloud page. I have posted 3 Lofi Hip Hop tracks and one pop track. I currently have like 8 followers. *little scream of joy* After my Youtube channel is up and running. I will start promoting my music on everything

The Tumblr Axohi

Is also no more. I changed the name to "hack-everything". It's still about Cyberpunk. I have reblogged 120 pictures and now have 10 followers or so. Ermmm not really anything to say about that. Besides that I now use the pictures as reference for the game I'm making. More about the game later.

Work Work Work

I just applied for my first real job. Even though you can count working in a chocolate factory as a real job. It's not going to shine on your resume. So my first real job. It's just a catering job. I will be serving people but more on events instead of the traditional restaurants. Meaning hotels, festivals even schools. And a lot of weddings too they said. Actually, I'm already hired. But the thing is that I need to pay a fuckton of money to buy the official uniform. Because we all need to look the same. Also being shaved every time you need to work. Freshly showered, nice perfume. All the good stuff. They really emphasized the "all the same" part. But like really. I'm now riding home. I'm not sure my mother will like the idea to pay a fuckton of money. But they pay you back. A small portion each time your work. On top of your salary of course. I calculated that I need to work about 80 hours to get it back. It pays well that's also important. Ermmmm...Very flexible. I don't need to work in the weekends if I can't. I and 4 other people were there for the job. I think we al got hired so you will probably here more about them later on.

Weird Panda stuff

Also Spacepanda and Tiger are not together any more ????????????? Like ??????? I didn't saw it coming, no one did. Not even Panda. It's really weird. Really weird. Like weird but than really........ They were so alike tho. But not like clones or anything. You know those clone couples. Every time I see them I think "this is bound to go wrong". Maybe because they are both stubborn or lazy or ambitious. Whatever. It will go wrong. But not with Spacepanda and Tiger. They complimented each other.(Like purple and yellow) They often liked different things (way different) but that was alright because it meant they could invest in each other you know ? Share different things. But they had this 'same ground' were they could be together. Only them. And now. *Poof* done. Well not *poof* done because the first thing I did was meeting up with Panda and she kinda explained everything.I can't talk about it publicly online but I can tell you It wasn't *poof* done but it's kinda *poof* done. Weird man....

I feel like I'm not giving you the weirdness of the situation. Let me try again. First, they were together for almost 2 years. They were super cute. Like super duper cute. Of course they had fights like in most relationships but not those which lasted weeks before getting resolved. Not every single fight was healthy and benevolent for the relation but 'hey' it's a fight after all. And you didn't hear about it.That's the weird thing. It wasn't like Panda was like pissed of for a week because Tiger was being an asshole or that Tiger asking me if Panda was alright because something was wrong. Or maybe they were both very discreet about it. Could also be. The thing is, everything seemed fine. Emphasize on seemed. SpacePanda was the only one with a decent relation to be honest. No of the others held a relation. None of the boys. If have no idea how Blueberry is doing. But she was the one with the serious relationship. I think every group has one. It's that I don't see her with anyone else you know ? Can't imagine. Only them. I'm in the train again. But not for long since I almost arrived. So I have to go. Thank you for listening.

Error 418,

Morpheus Cat

[abunchofupdates]

Update #15

Off again.

Soooooo, I have not been writing for a while now. Simply because I didn't feel like writing. Not that something happened in the meantime. But I have watched this video about tips about keep a diary Super Cool megatron logbook daily blog. One of the tips was not trying to write everything that you missed in the meantime because it takes too much time...And I agree. So the vacation just ended and I'm back to school. But man oh man did I fucked up my sleep rhythm. I can only sleep around 3 AM....Everyday. I tried to sleep at 12 PM but I just...stay awoke till 3 AM. But I had to wake up at 7 AM. So RIP my sleep. Was nice to know you. Also I'm on the train right now writing this. So if anything seems off, you know why. Ermmmm...Oh yeah.

Tumblr

I have started this Tumblr Cyberpunk Blog called Axohi Blog. It has manly cyberpunk stuff, sprinkled with 90s anime gifs and vaporware reblogs. I like it. Aaaaaaand it got me one additional follower. Now I have 6 followers (off which 3 are porn blogs but whatever). And I have found a new artist. Since I need a specific song to do specific things (draw,game,learn,...and now Tumblr) to keep me concentrated.So this time I choose Lupe Fiasco, apparently he was famous in 2004. I will probably link the song "Kick, Push" it's my current favourite.

Talking about songs

I made more songs. Inspired by THE BEST ANIME ever made "Cowboy Bebop". Even if you hate anime you must watch this one. It's has the best storyline, characters, music everything. And I used that music to create my own music. I didn't plagiarized anything. Just tried to capture the same feeling and sound of the music on the anime. I think it worked pretty well. Now, I only have a loop and I need to add a electric guitar somehow. I also want to work with other people. My sister already agreed to help with the vocals since she can sing pretty amazing. And I would love to work online with other people and just create stuff, you know. Borus said he would me set up with some guy but he makes EDM music and that doesn't really fits in my chill step/Future Bass Music.But maybe we can work out something I'm in the train again. I just skipped French to do literally nothing.

I had to wait for my train to ride to get to my piano lessons.You know.....it's the first time I DON'T look forward to go to piano class. Did I say that I didn't liked the teacher nor (fancy again) his teaching methods. I would rather go home but that seems like a waste 8 years of piano lessons...And I have actually talked about it with my former teacher and he said "I need to look past it. Focus on the music. He's just a conductor". But I can't...I think I take it too personal...But yeah don't really feel like going but I'm going. I would rather just make music. I thought about becoming a producer...and a musician but that means switching Majors. I don't think my mom would object though. (Might be pissed about the lost money) but she really won't mind. (Or so I hope) It's just that I really see myself doing something with music, you know... But that means I have lost a year. In time but also money...I might ask my teacher about The Music Academy and what they actually do over there and what it's like...Maybe it will be a interesting lesson after all....

Error 418,

Morpheus Cat