#i am glad people seem to like it
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Okay can I be a bitter Anders fan for like. Just 2 minutes here lmao
Cause bioware released some game stats for veilguard and apparently 72% of players redeemed Solas which is like. Okay yeah the game kinda pushes you towards that. But when I think of all the shit I used to have to put up with just for enjoying Anders like at all and…
(This is not me being anti-Solas, I do not care if you love or hate him, but I am gonna say what he’s done is like. Objectively worse than literally every other companion so lmao. And that’s fine! You can still enjoy him! I’m not saying you can’t and it’s important to me that people understand that! I’m just saying he did in fact do objectively morally worse things in game than Anders did and I don’t think that’s really debatable. And I can’t really make my point here without saying that but I do want to make it clear this is not some moral condemnation of Solas enjoyers cause it’s not)
Getting anon hate on the regular, being told “oh you’re allowed to like Anders as long as you regularly talk about how much he sucks”, people gleefully describing how much fun they have killing him ON your posts about the fact that you like him, the devs making jokes about shitty fates for him when fans asked innocent questions about him, the absolute audacity of his writer to say half the shit she did in interviews (about bisexuality and mental illness, most critically), and then being beaten over the head again in inquisition about how Anders is the worst character to ever exist and there’s no redemption for terrorists who lie to you one time in the entire game and he deserves death or worse and that’s it
And now… 72% of people are down to redeem the guy who lies to you for 2 games straight and who did a lot of questionable things that includes creating the fucking blight and. Like. I guess I’m glad that Solas fans can live in a world where they aren’t constantly harassed and can give their ship like. A pretty damn good ending all things considered. And that the devs love Solas and actually give the option for that happy ending and have characters go to bat for Solas throughout the game and the most annoying thing they have to see are people making scrambled egg memes. I would not wish anyone to have to deal with the shit Anders fans had to put up with back then cause it sucked. It really sucked. And I’m glad it’s not being repeated with a different character, if nothing else
But like. Man there really is a difference when the writers actually like the character who does the thing, huh
#shut up nerd#anders#I’m sorry it’s just. really hard to not be bitter tbh#like the shit we as fans went through#just for liking a damn character#tbf I do actually think if the game came out today perceptions would be different#I think people would be more comfortable with revolutionary action now than they were then#but even still#it’s not even about that you know#it’s about people (both fans and at times the actual devs) being mean when they really didn’t need to be#and the DA trenches are probably why literally no harassment phases me anymore lmao but#that’s not a good thing slskd it’s just a useful consequence I guess#so yeah idk#am I jealous that Solas fans get to have a better experience?#yeah I can’t deny I feel a bit of that#but I’m also just. idk tired and sad for what that time was. and also glad that it seems to be over#but also a little bitter that I had to go through it when it didn’t need to happen at all#idk just feeling a lot here in this chili’s tonight lmao#(why do I say that I don’t think my country even has chili’s)#ANYWAY#dragon age#veilguard spoilers
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It's kind of a weird (not sure if good or bad or just neutral!) experience to realize that a lot of the personal headcanons I've written into my own writing have become well-known enough that they're treated as general fanon with a lot of people using them and not realizing that they, like, originated from a specific place rather than just being ambiently popular. Every once in a while I come across a fic where there's an AN that says something to the tune of, "Oh, I saw this popular headcanon that [insert something really specific from 666: Live On Air!] and wanted to[...]" without attributing it to me - or, most likely, even realizing that it came from me!
It's an interesting feeling! I think the times that actually bother me are when it's people that know they got the headcanon directly from me and choose not to credit me (or in one weird instance, credit me, then edit their stuff to bury the credit to be really hard to find for some reason - y'all, I do notice these things even when I don't comment on them).
I've been straight up plagiarized many times before. It's ranged from friends in RP groups stealing my characters because I wasn't using them often anymore, to more recently someone ripping out chunks of one of my Hazbin Hotel fics and rewriting it as their own. It's a uniquely horrible feeling, and I think it makes me sensitive to feeling uncredited as a result even when plagiarism isn't occuring. On the other hand, this is literally how headcanons evolve and I'm actually so fucking happy that specific things that I was outright nervous to post because I thought people would (and in a few cases, people did) react very poorly to them are now, like...fairly common fanon.
Anyway, I don't think it's wrong for people to carry forward headcanons to the point where they don't even know where they came from. I also think most likely some concepts became convergently popular when more than one person had the same thought! It's how fandoms work and I know for a fact I've done the same... but it does very much give me the warm and fuzzies when people that use my ideas do give a nod in my direction for where they got the inspiration! In return, I try to make a point to do the same.
#personal#my writing#“but here's MY take on it”#anyway it does kinda bother me when the specific headcanons get popular enough that people feel comfortable being casually dismissive#or insulting towards them the way people often are about “popular” things#without realizing it's a Specific Idea that came from a Specific Person#but it's not all that big of a deal and doesn't actually happen that often#best moments are when I am like “wow this thing I really like to see in fic sure is popular! :) I'm glad everyone seems to think the same!”#and one of my friends is like “bro YOU POPULARIZED IT”#oops! NO RAGRETS! MORE FOR ME!!!!!!!!#dear diary#anyway if I can wield the power of making fetch happen for ANYTHING it's everyone please write insecure beta Vox in your A/B/O fics >:)
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I finished posting the unabashedly educational Sword Fic.
It includes a detailed (but hopefully beginner-friendly) explanation of all the steps of making a Nichirin blade from a sunny mountain like Mt. Youkou, a touch of swordsmith and metalworker folk lore (including demons), meta about what must make Kimetsu no Yaiba's swordsmithing methods different from real life methods, some character exploration for Haganezuka and his polishing method, vocabulary and additional resources in the chapter notes, and hopefully, an endearing, silly POV character to learn this all through.
#my fics#SWORDS SWORDS SWORDS#would you like a story about the years of background of this fic?#I was not very well-versed in metallurgy until recent years but my study of the Japanese language goes back to#well#longer than some of you may have been around#I always liked samurai and swords for the aesthetic but started to take more of an interest when I lived in Shimane#and on a day when I had a friend taking me around to rural sites associated with a legendary monster she was like#let's go see the sword museum while you're out here#but that museum was closed (it comes back into this story though)#so we went to a different one that no longer exists but that was my first encounter with how much work it takes to make the sword ore#fast forward years later#I am writing this blog and it becomes known as a fun place to read about Japanese culture as seen in KnY (thanks glad you enjoy)#I decide that I must tell people how hard it is to make the ore and finally visit that main museum on a trip back to Shimane#I collect material and struggle to do more research and wrap my head around it#and I write the first version of Teppi's story that focused mostly on the smelting and glazed over the forging and polishing and stuff#meanwhile I am in a job situation I have already long since wanted out of and soon I want out a lot more desperately#job searches were disheartening but then I found THE ONE I WANTED#and on that first interview when I was already like PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE#they asked if there's a Japanese cultural topic I could suddenly explain in great detail if asked#and without mentioning this blog I said I had recently written up something for fun about tatara smelting methods (and they forgot this)#fast forward again and I very happily got the job and was very nervous as I got the rundown on a very large annual nerd project#and when they announced the topics for that year I saw that tatara smelting methods in the region I knew them from was on the list#and I was like#asudyaiusdyuasdyuahduahduhsdhuPLEASE GIVE ME THAT#and i got it and when I went out there for research people were like#...why do you know all this...???????#and since I dared not mention my KnY blog I was like#...I lived in Shimane...#it seems I broke the tags because the rest of the story got cut off but hi yes you get the idea
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can't wait til I start this stupid job so I won't have to be doing commissions all the fucking time to buy groceries, this shut sucks the joy out of art so much. I wanna be drawing ultrakill stuff & personal art & doing crafts & reading books but every time I sit down to do something for me I'm thinking about the fact that I should be doing commissions. I'm so glad I didn't go into art as an actual career, I would hate myself so much forever
#i just want art to be able to be a hobby again aaaaa#i can talk about it here bc nobody who's commissioning me knows this is my blog. ive gotten like 2 commissions off tumblr ever lmfao#and tbh i am tired of pretending to be enthusiastic about drawing other peoples ocs. im so tired of customer service voice#im not gonna lie most of the time i do not care about your blorbo. i'm glad you're having fun im happy for u but i just need money#im happy you like my art enough to pay for it but im so TIRED#being self employed sucks like yeah i can choose my own hours but im also always thinking 'i could be working now' and i HATE IT#i don't wanna make it sound like i'm gonna starve or anything I can ask my parents for money if i really need to#im not like in genuine poverty or the biggest victim of capitalism here i just have a family that's deeply unpleasant to interact with#but im starting a half-time job at the university physics department at the end of the month and that'll be enough to cover Being Alive!!!#and will also hopefully be something i am genuinely interested in & enjoy with people who seem relatively cool#(they're gonna let me into the machine shop!! im gonna get to build things!! they were genuinely interested in my robotics experience!!)#so once art stops being the Thing Temporarily Feeding Me i'm hoping i'll be able to draw more fun stuff again. & maybe even enjoy comms#it's somehow easier to be enthusiastic about commissions when i know the money will be going to buy a Cool Sword instead of food
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I love reblogging posts from like 3 months ago with 50 notes and then checking on them later and seeing they have 300+ notes. most of the notes have my silly gimmick reply removed!!! and I think that's beautiful!!
#the main reason why i reblog with a comment is so that people who like the 3DS can see my url + comment combo#and figure out the type of blog i am#ive been trying to move into making more substantial comments as well!!! and im glad people seem to like kt#FYI you can tag me in your own posts about the 3DS!! i do not mind!!! i think a lot of people hesitate to tag me in their own posts#but like i actually dont mind people essentially submitting their own posts#esp if they are guides/memes ect!!
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The blue eye samurai fandom, for some reason
#I am once again asking if the kids are alright bc it doesn’t really seem like they are#friendly reminder that mizu kills people ny guys including unarmed randos and one unlucky teenager pissing his pants in a corner#but sure Taigen is irredeemable. lay off my emotional support blorbo.#blue eye samurai#taigen#and hey I love Akemi a buttload but she has at least nine lives or something no way would getting robbed in the woods#running off to a brothel and getting re kidnapped go half as well for anyone else#no one ever took advantage of her it’s incredible I’m glad and all but my god those were stupid risks to take#I’m so looking forward to her political intrigue character arc but let’s not act like she hasn’t done some dumbass shit#and Mizu’s a fucking mercenary. does she kill for money? no but she killed for information and she’ll kill anyone in her way to get what she#wants. taigen as far as we know has only killed peoples in duels and fights. he’s not out ganking randos.#the point of this show is that this is not your average cartoon and none of these characters are average black or white types#everyone’s grey and it’s all delicious#enjoy it.
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SOMETHING IN MY MIND? SURE IS. LIKE HOW GREAT AND COOL YOU ARE
🫵 AND YOUR GASTER WHOM I WANT TO SQUEEZE LIKE AN ALMOST EMPTY PACKET OF MAYONNAISE. HOLD HIM IN THE MIGHTIEST OF GRIPS JUST LIKE HE DID WITH MY BRAIN FOR ALL THESE YEARS
AH.
THE HANDLING OF PRAISE IS ...
STILL A WORK IN PROGRESS.
#artwork#inbox#fferthe#hello i want you to know i always read the tags you leave they make me giggle#tbh i read all the tags people leave i enjoy it when people share their thoughts#i am very glad people enjoy this guy thank you for liking my old man#aid me in spreading the word of huge weirdo#i apologize if i seem distant i just genuinely do not know how to handle praise kjdhfjdhgjhfdh#take this sequence of artwork as a display of gratitude#even though i will take any excuse to draw him#also if anyones confused mayonnaise is the emulsion of eggs with oil#its always the eggs#wingdings and me#gaster#wd gaster#undertale#deltarune
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Sword of Kaigen
standalone fantasy set in a rural mountain village at the edge of an empire that still holds traditional values, with families of powerful water/ice magic warriors
follows a powerful young heir who begins to question his beliefs about the empire when a new boy comes to his village from the city
and his mother, a housewife who has tried to forget her youth as a warrior and vigilante in the city since she moved back home to a loveless marriage
when there’s a violent attack on their village that they’re unprepared for, everything changes, and she has to embrace her old skills to protect her family and people
#The Sword of Kaigen#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#I’ve been meaning to read this for years and I finally got around to it! a really unique fantasy novel#I had always assumed this was ur average pre-industrial high fantasy and then was immediately hit with video games/tv in the first chapter#lmao. But overall (aside from the broader worldbuilding/politics) it is closer to the average ‘historical’ fantasy narrative -#so I can see why I got that impression#Some really compelling characters and interesting narrative structure that went in some unexpected directions.#It really focuses in on one village and how devastating a single battle in a war can be to their people - and how much work the recovery is#I feel like most sff is more concerned with a single person and/or the whole war so this felt unique. did also mean that the pacing was odd#- it's a slow start; then there’s a battle that must be hundreds of pages. The last section of the book feels a little too drawn out#and brings up random hanging plot elements that don’t really go anywhere. But I think overall this works for the story.#also one thing I didn’t love - cool complex interesting female character MC sure but also there’s weird moments like:#the first scene we see her is all the housewives comparing their attractiveness; she keeps referring to herself as an old woman (when she’s#and oh so meek and useless etc. And some of this feels like it’s part of the broader portrayal of the misogynist society#but some of it felt clunky or unintentional?#And then especially the end - when she and her shitty husband finally confront each other as equals and he apologises#she basically immediately forgives him and is like oh I was equally at fault because I am a meek woman who didn’t try either#like him realising he was wrong (and her realising he had a reason for being the way he was) doesn’t negate the fact that he treated her li#she acts like it was her fault for not trying too - when we have numerous examples of him berating her if she spoke up about anything?#like im glad he’s learning. but also that doesn’t mean she needs to suddenly forgive and love him wtf#that's the only real thing that annoyed me though.#also btw that 5yo seems kinda fucked up. are you guys gonna do anything about that
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i once had an anti tell me to stop sexualizing their trauma on a story i wrote that was a word for word retelling of my own actual trauma but with names changed and its been 2 years and i still cant stop thinking about that
Ah, yeah... Unfortunately a non-insignificant number of antishippers seem to genuinely believe they own the concept of trauma, so any story they read that they believe to be portrayed in a romanticized or sexualized light therefore must be romanticizing/sexualizing their trauma specifically.
I couldn't tell you the amount of times I've gotten the "stop sexualizing my trauma!!!!!!" or adjacent comments from antishippers that universally garner a response that basically boils down to
Like, bitch! I'm talking about my trauma! I literally did not even know you existed until you fucking commented!
#proship#proshipper#anti bs#just anti things#glad to know antis assuming every story about trauma must be about them specifically seems to be a universal proshipper experience lol#like *how* am I sexualizing *your* trauma when I literally do not even know who you are?#like if you hadn't commented I would've gone my entire life not knowing you even exist#if I had omnipotence like that I certainly would not be using that power to sexualize the trauma of some random fucking stranger! lol#you think my petty ass would be doing *that* instead of the infinitely more infuriating thing of spoiling every show you love at any chance#jokes aside though like seriously get fucking real#I hate to burst your main character syndrome bubble but nobody fucking cares about you#not in the ''nobody loves you and you'll die alone'' sense#but in the ''you are just Some Guy™ and the 8 billion other people on the planet have their own problems to worry about'' sense#if someone is writing about trauma maybe take your self-centred goggles off for 5 fucking seconds#and maybe you'll realise that it is 1000000% more likely this random stranger is writing about *their* trauma#and *not* the trauma of a person whose entire existence they are not even aware of#I do believe the tiktok trend of referring to strangers as ''NPCs'' has at least contributed to this epidemic of main character syndrome#people you don't know are *not* ''NPCs'' you fucking robot!#they are human beings just like you with lives and dreams and loved ones#you just don't know them#sorry but I genuinely think I'd go to jail for murder if I ever heard someone refer to me as an ''NPC'' out in public#'cause genuinely who the fuck do you think you are!?
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mmm im sort of glad they released arcane survivor jayce skin voicelines in league before act 3 drops because my expectations for it were rising a bit too much lmao... before it i almost convinced myself that yeah, viktor's character arc will lead him to manipulate jayce into transferring his soul to a new mechanical body + focus on a new strategy for 'healing' societal issues that isn't 100% evil and bad (while still having its drawbacks re: will and consent) and fighting noxians would place the zaun side in a better position to bargain with piltover for equal rights and a stop to exploitation (with an open ending sure but still), or even a straightforward revolution with zaun getting its independence through a violent protest that piltover wouldn't be able to curb due to being stretched too thin
but uhm.... all of this looks kinda... sigh
i really doubt they'll have the time in the remaining 3 episodes to develop both his and Viktor's motivations to fit those new ideas, feels like more of the same 'it all happened off-screen, trust that it makes sense' journey saying that Viktor is 'still worth saving' feels especially yucky all things considered, like pls stop trying to save that man and let him act and choose for himself for once in this season maybe? never thought i'd miss the times when Viktor was doing unsafe experiments, getting illegal drugs from evil mentors and accidentally fridging random female assistants, but mmm that sure didn't get a proper continuation for him did it... just like with Caitlyn, or even Mel or Jinx, we just can't seem to get a proper development for the obviously Questionable things the characters choose to do, it's all kind of swept under the rug or cancelled out by magic interference i guess, or they changed their mind off-screen so it's fine now now that i think about it, Jayce is the only one who was allowed to somewhat grow and change organically, and yet this arcane adventure of his might end up ruining even that... well maybe Vi too but she didn't have a concrete focus this season, just more of the same 'should i reconnect with my sister/father or kill them off for good' and lesbian angst (if she still goes back to enforcers after this i just... fml) did Ambessa's warmongering get the best of her or was she cornered by the Black Rose shenanigans with no better way out? did Isha have any purpose aside from giving us false hope that Jinx will get better and have a happy ending? will Mel have any relevance aside from the new magical one and managing her own mother? does Viktor want to 'supersede nature' and get rid of human error element now because of his own character journey or because that's just what Hexcore is leading him to do?... will Caitlyn show that she still doesn't get why Zaun is the way it is or will she also go 'yeahhh i made some mistakes, but now we fight a common enemy yay, and i'll be a bit less strict in the future without making any meaningful changes to the status quo... it was all them foreigners fault' it's just all so... aghhh
and yep now i am expecting that the piltover/zaun conflict is overrr because they have to come together to fight Ambessa and whatever is going wrong with the magic, sighhh social conflict plotlines are a little too spicy for our animated league adaptation i guess... ...this is the only voiceline implication i like and even then i can't help but imagine Viktor the damsel in distress begging Jayce to fix the mistakes they both did instead of like, participating in that himself
bonus points if that promise won't even be to Viktor fghgfhgf
#ranting#rantingggg#arcane spoilers#arcane critical#negative#long post#really just needed to vent about this tbh#and once again i am still hopeful that they'll prove me wrong#maybe im missing something#maybe they'll at least give us some great yuri and yaoi bait with cool action sequences and amazing music and ill be too distracted#AND ALSO#i am actually super glad i dont see people complaining as much#because this series is still the best thing happening to animated series in recent years i think#and i dont want to see people get disappointed in that too much#but my personal feelings tho..... yep#text#oh and also im a bit confused about how the time travel works#the way jayce first addressed viktor after returning didnt seem like a repeat of what he went through before that#well we'll seee
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I am already a big enjoyer of Friede and Amethio's rivalry and dynamics in general, so if Crave turns out to be Amethio's father, I feel like this knowledge would reframe their rivalry in very interesting ways and give additional readings and perspectives..
#something something about amethio rejecting his father and friede stepping in to be the positive male figure in his life at that point#Not saying friede takes on that role (dad) because i don't interpret him that way at all#however he is very much meant to be someone amethio takes inspiration from#most adults in amethio's life aren't inspirational i think so friede is probably the first person he met who is free and independent etc#i need to be moderately invested in that theory so i'm not disappointed if it doesn't turn out to be true lol#but i think it adds a lot to the narrative.. amethio and liko's parallels etc and even friede's character!#the thought that he is giving back to the younger generation after being nurtured by teachers and mentors#oh friede the man that you are. the coolest guy ever that you are.. luv you#horizons tends to be very intentional about its writing.. the mentor character (friede) has been helped by Very Specific People#and feels indebted to them. before his rvt era. those people are liko's mother (lucca) and roy's grandfather. and director crave.#hmm. i wonder what that means!#(not saying friede isn't helped by the rvt. but they act as equals. lucca was a hiearchical superior as a teacher etc.)#also. on a personal level. i think it's funny if friede knew amethio's dad before meeting him#crave going like 'i'm glad my son has taken a liking to you professor friede :) i hope you can continue to get along'#and ame being like 'we don't get along? smh'#we'll see where that leads. but hz doesn't really trick its audience. it expects us to pick up on all these themes and hints here and there#like how this ep points out that yeah gibeon still being alive at this point seems odd and for him to be ame's grandpa too.#it's intentional! so i'm just pointing out reocurring patterns.. but yeah. we'll see#friede#hz074#character notes#episode notes
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should i accept this job i was offered?
#its a move to an expensive area that i will likely have yo live w multiple roommates and idk if im i to that right now in my life :/#its a really good job but it could also be bery corporate#i would be glad to leave my situation BUT that means rent goes up a lot#and i kinda just wanna keep saving up#and idk!! like i would be dumb not to take the job but im kinda leaning that way rn#i know the area i would live jn is literally peoples DREAM but i know how isolating and exhausting the culture can be#like if you havent lived i a place like it you literally cannot understand#but i HAVE#anyways thr job and the interviewers were so fucking nice and everyone seems so happy to have me#and like it WOULD be so good for my career#but i just dont know!!#and im not guaranteed a job where i am right now which is SCARY#SO SCARY#like what if i say no to this and never get another job offer ever in my life#this is my first fullyime job offer jn literally three years what the fuck#how am i even considering sayjng no#and yet...
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sigh. i think i just do not like dogs very much lol
#just me hi#don't kill me but they are not for me#and i think our dog is alright :) but i am glad he's not mine jfshvh#i'm nervous and unsure about them every time i interact and i don't know why!#tried to tell my mother that at least and she just kinda brushes me off ? so i guess i'll just have to contend with this lol#he's still being trained but i dunno. don't think that kind of animal is for me#which sucks cuz i really did want to like them!! but they're confusing and a bit annoying and a decent sprinkling of scary#and he's a PUPPY. this is the goofiest problem ever jfsvhjfh#+ the dog at work still makes me nervous too.. this is a very Blahhh situation lol#'you've just gotta learn to stop being scared of them' but that Does mean that i have to interact with them more. and it seems#every time i do i just get more nervous ?? urgh#guess i'm not for dogs ! oh wells!#//and in other news why is it that every weekend i do not hesitate to obliterate my sleep schedule Lmfshvjfh#like without Fail it's actually crazy#//OH and it snowed a couple days ago too btw !! like almost a foot of snow i believe which is cool :D#i walked to work and it was fuuuun i enjoyed it :D#though i didn't get a chance to take pictures bc they'd plowed the road by the time i got out </3 it was so cool though !!#//oh also we were playing one of our story games last night w/ siblings :3#it's our longest-running one (it's been ongoing for maybe over a year or so! wild) and the amount of stuff that has Happened is so much Lol#i think last night they helped free half-a-town's worth of people from mine work (the mine turned out to be a crater from a Wish that hadn'#come true so they were mining the tiny shards of the wish-star bc they still have the chance to grant veeery small wishes!) and then also#got the guy that had kidnapped and enslaved them (for ransom + tax reasons) killed “by accident”#/they got into even more arguments with the other characters they're traveling with-#/OH chess also almost strangled one of those guys to death in the mine Lmaooo#there was a whole moment when he realized i was dying jfsvjgh#//yea though i have got to go get some thangs done though..#my dad used all the hot water so i'm just. waiting... stewing.... sauteeing...... gently marinating.............#ooeeoo#yea though !! hope i can work on some ideas i have today !! let's cross hands and hold fingers. wait#anywho Yea i'm gonna get on that 💥 CIAO
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A lot of good confessions. Thank you all for keeping nuance in your asks while discussing things and/or asking me for input. Let me reiterate that if you’re sending asks about legitimate problems and discomfort due to them, you are not any of the yappers that I complain about and I’m not like… ignoring or deleting your asks in protest. I just became incredibly busy irl and a few of these seem to ask my input, and I’m a huge yapper who fully intends to write like a wholeass essay in response to them lol.
#erm… adulting am I right *scratching head emoji*?#/half joking /half maybe millennials were right about that#it seems like some of y’all want someone to understand so I’m glad you came to me because omfg are some of these other confession-#accounts fucking mean#like holy shit. half of these other people will act like they’re superior for answering all of their asks#with responses#and the response is like ‘ummm… well actually (patronizes you over wording choice) and (complete lack of understanding or nuance).’#like you’re not better than anyone for yelling at them over completely harmless shit they’re too nervous to say anywhere other than a-#confession blog…#if you’re any one of the people who sent me 10+ violent threats in the night then you are not getting an essay though#you’re getting laughed at by me and then deleted#not a confession#<- block that tag if you dgaf about me or my life or my feelings#I won’t be hurt I promise lol
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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oh wow, shocking twist and new development, but now I'm starting to see a lot more industry people than before conceding that totk had serious high level flaws and express frustration at the design philosophy developed around that title
this wasn't the case even six months ago, so that's something
#thoughts#when will my brain return from the imprisoning war...#putting it only under the personal tag there's no need for this post to run around in the wild outside of this blog#tbh it's mostly narrative designers expressing frustration which YEAH of course --but still#anyway my theory that totk would be reconsidered pretty fast seems to still hold up#people are still insisting that its production was a good one tho --which I do not believe at all#based on multiple context clues#but hey#nintendo is such a strange company like there's so much that is good and lively and hopeful about them#and so much that is stilted and baffling and repressive#I am super glad that they're around doing what they do and keeping strong in their core values#but yeah it's not that simple either way
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