aceshigh10987666

[aceshigh10987666]

ラップの使い方☆　　(´▽｀*) ﾅﾙﾎﾄﾞｰ I like this hack

（FulustrekaさんのImgur）

[aceshigh10987666]

Tips of using plastic bags by 杨萍萍

[aceshigh10987666]

sometimes instead of a horrid little monk, divine visions of lesbians dance in my head dispensing wisdom

[aceshigh10987666]

“because of your comic I’m going to shave my legs even harder”

cool! spite is a beautiful motivation; I respect it immensely. stick it to the man*. just don’t let your motivation be shame and self-loathing from societal pressure to hate deviation from an extremely restrictive high-maintenance norm.

[aceshigh10987666]

hey is racism one of your obsessions? also white and ocd. if it is, how u cope with it? i'm really afraid all the time to hurt my loved ones who are black people, and they're the majority of my loved ones. and how do u identify whats racism from whats an intrusive thought?

Most of my race-related OCD is abstract stuff like “if I move out of my parents’ house and try to live my own life outside of their control, I will have to find somewhere I can afford to pay rent, which will probably mean moving into a low-income neighborhood, which would mean inadvertently helping to gentrify the community, which would gradually push the original residents out of their homes and disrupt community ties and support systems and creating housing insecurity, so therefore I can’t move out or move on”.

I think that’s just part of a larger existential terror that I can only ever make the world worse by living in it—a net harm to the universe, molecule by misspent molecule.

I have been letting this ask sit in my inbox for weeks now because I’m convinced that anything I say will be destructive. What if my answer enables or excuses racism? What if my answer fuels the anguish of the mentally ill?

The rational and compassionate part of my mind insists that your loved ones (and mine!) understand that you (and I) are white, and have likely dealt with white peoples all their lives, and are capable of judging for themselves whether you are good to them and deserving of their intimacy. It is impossible to go through life without hurting and being hurt by people you care about—always you will have blindspots and miscommunications and competing needs. That’s just part of the curse of consciousness and being a social species. We all get a little blood on our hands eventually, one way or another… friendship involves knowing this, accepting this, and committing to avoid it and then, that failed, to make things right.

Again: your friends know you’re white. They have reason to expect the best of you or they wouldn’t be your friends. They choose to have you in their lives; trust them to trust you, and to recognize the difference between a beloved friend struggling with a treacherous and unkind brain and doing their best in an inescapably racist society, and a racist who whose bigotry makes them unworthy of their time and affection.

I do think racism obsessions are a particularly difficult manifestation of OCD to cope with because they’re hard to discuss at all without feeling like you’re implicitly asking for absolution. With other types of OCD, it’s common to seek reassurance that what you’re obsessively afraid of isn’t true—but what feels more racist than asking someone to reassure you that you’re not racist…? LMAO.

They say the “cure” to OCD, such as it is, is just to learn how to embrace the existential horror of uncertainty. Tall fucking order. Hell on Earth! But in a bizarre way I have found the rhetoric that “everyone is unconsciously and incurably racist” to be unexpectedly helpful… there is no total psychological purging and mental purification we can undergo, no amount of ritual self-flagellation that will drive the demons out, no pristine state we can aspire to and hate ourselves for soiling. Only mundane everyday commitments to compassion and empathy and solidarity and cleaning up our messes. But even then, a thought isn’t a mess. A thought I’d not a thing that happened or a choice you made. It doesn’t represent an alternate timeline branching off into a parallel universe where you have acted on it and hurt people.

Earlier this year I was playing a video game—during my lunch break I got to wondering what happened if you failed a skill check that I had passed in my own playthough, so I looked up a clip on YouTube and was so triggered by the answer (the player character calls his companion a racial slur in the heat of the moment, without meaning to, even if you’ve played him as a committed anti-racist) that I immediately spiraled and was close to throwing up in the broom closet, and when I got home I opened my own save and tried to make the player character kill himself as catharsis. It was an incredibly unreasonable guilt response to a completely fictional scenario that I hadn’t even gotten in my own playthrough, but in retrospect it was a safe way to explore fear of my own internalized racism hurting somebody and what might happen if my intrusive thoughts came true. It sucked and it was terrible and I was angry at myself for being crazy about it, but it ended up being a small dose of exposure therapy and practice at not repenting for nonexistent through self-abuse.

I dunno. This has been a long uncomfortably personal ramble but I hope it’s helpful. I don’t know if your friends know you have OCD (or how it manifests) and I don’t know whether telling them would help. But allowing yourself to trust others to trust you is far more useful than beating yourself up for thoughts you don’t want. I have on occasion warned people that I am cautious about doing certain things with them—particularly drinking—because there is a risk that I may spiral and show symptoms humiliating and uncomfortable to both of us, and I don’t want to put them in a position where they witness or feel like they have to help me manage the white guilt elements of my disorder. These conversations have usually gone well, and the mutual understanding to boundaries takes some of the tension out, which seems to reduce the triggers. It’s messy and awkward and maybe it limits who is willing to be friends with me, but IMHO it’s better than surprising someone.

As for determining whether something is an intrusive thought or actual racism, I guess my answer is: does it matter? Would you manage them differently? Intrusive thoughts may be an evil voice in your brain, but racism is an evil voice in society’s brain.

[aceshigh10987666]

the terror of being found by something seeking a frontier

[aceshigh10987666]

just some feelings

[ID: 1: a page that is mostly empty. it features a humanoid creature drawn with rainbow lineart. it has plants sprouting from a neck, wings, and a tail. it is floating in a peaceful position. writing around it says "manic I am.... intense. aggressive. inconsiderate. preoccupied."

ID 2: a page that is crowded with text. the header says "I AM ICARUS" beneath it writing surrounds the same creature, this time it is plummeting downwards. the writing says "Flying too close to the sun. Losing everything he loves. He always flies and he always falls. He gets no happy ending in any story. He is fated to fly and fated to fall." at the bottom text says "Everytime. Every story. Over. And over. And over. And over."]

[aceshigh10987666]

You wash your hands off with the 𝙗𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙙 of others and pretend it’s your 𝙊𝙬𝙣.

Multimedia (colored pencil, marker, acrylic paint, digital) on paper 9x9

Instagram is ymile.ojnes!!<3 I follow back

[aceshigh10987666]

🎣THE FISH MARKET IS OPEN🎣

Today's catch is Atlantic Salmon!

Handmade with 100% wool felt, only 3 are available and will be made to order!

Bisonwares.com

[aceshigh10987666]

Made this a while back and never posted it, but I figured I should now that I actually started T!!!

(Not a self portrait, this is just some guy)

[aceshigh10987666]

I love my intersex body 💛💜💛

[ID: digital art drawn in the colors of the intersex flag. the art shows a man taking a step, he has purple orchids covering most of his face leaving only his bearded chin. he has breasts, and a uterus with one ovary that is significantly smaller than the other. he has a large clitoris visible. he has many scars on the left side of his body. two yellow and purple butterfly wings are attached to his back, the butterfly wings have two purple circles incorporated into the pattern. behind him are two purple orchids]

reblogs okay but this is a self portrait, don't be weird!

trigger tag my scars and I kill you with hammers

[aceshigh10987666]

sketch page :) slaps dipper with my disable-inator get chronic pain idiot

[aceshigh10987666]

btw i've made an indigenous artists directory! anyone who identifies as indigenous (from anywhere in the world) can apply :)

[aceshigh10987666]

[aceshigh10987666]

yeah you're a girlboything but are you normal about intersex people who are simultaneously a transman and a transwoman? are you normal about intersex people who are simultaneously trans and cis?