#i am genuinely very touched
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Note
burgundy! (smooch)
:OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO <3
0 notes
Text
My jewish community, friends, rabbi, and educators: We are very invested in helping you be jewish. Do you want to help read the haftarah? Here's a chanukiah! You can have it!! Borrow these books! Here's some books! You need more books... Come to pesach! Come to the chanukah party! When are your classes done? We need a minyan for once!
Me and my 50000 IQ: What if I am Secretly Appropriating judaism? What if I am doing a Cultural Appropriation........
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#there comes a point where your concerns about if you are an Appropriative Cultural Appropriator hinders your jewish journey#i think a comforting thing is knowing that my incessant fear about this is confirmation that i love judaism#i love it with my heart and soul and (i feel) i'd be a less realized person without it#and i think people who genuinely engage in cultural appropriation just Do Not Care about the cultures they appropriate from#they don't love the culture enough to respect it and that is a big reason that it even IS appropriation#especially when jewish people are INVITING you to do things... it's not appropriation#i dunno last night i was feeling very anxious about lighting the chanukiah candles because i'm alone#but i've also lit shabbos candles. and it's just like... why would i choose not to engage in this when one day i will have to?#this time next year i will have to light candles. as a jew. and if i have no clue how to do it myself then i'll just avoid it#plus... i love my chanukiah and i want to use it. it is currently decorating my room because i love it#i hope they'll let me take pictures of all the chanukiah that'll be at the party#i'm sure they will because they're very open and they are very accommodating. in fact i'm bringing my clarinet too#i haven't touched that thing in well over four years 😭#but jewish music without a clarinet is like a body with no soul. it's impossible. it is not what g-d wants i think.#i just hope my ability to play by ear hasn't been affected by my lack of playing. i don't have perfect pitch tbc#but i fully believe you can know your instrument so well that you develop an ear for perfect pitch#in fact... i refused to memorize my marching band music because i DID develop that 'perfect pitch' ear. that's my dirty secret#i didn't practice in part because i can't have a space where noone could hear me practice and it's embarrassing and private to me#literally EVERY jew in my life has been almost TOO ecstatic about my jewish journey. i'm very thankful for it#i guess i just didn't think i deserved to have people as happy about me being in judaism as i am#so to be clear this is my brain being rude and dumb. this anxiety has NEVER been reinforced by anyone but myself#so i take full responsibility for it. but i think that anxiety is something many/most converts/jews-in-progress feel
94 notes
·
View notes
Text
coelacanter + socials
#amy mentioned that devyn's mullet was like someone chewed on it and the troll doll imagery would not leave me#infamous#infamous if#marlow locke#coelacanter#kaced#fake social media#i dont want to HEAR how out of touch i am i dont use instagram or twitter i had to guess at syntax/usernames#also the cropping for the group photo ended up so strangely with the instagram post format i ended up going with so i just#worked it into the comments section. same with iris' outfit i realized way too late she should've had something fancier </3#i thought rowan would be the type to point out something like that. he'd have a choice instagram with pictures cropped and edited perfectly#iris posts a photo of her and devyn and he'll comment 'very cute. were you asleep when picking this filter though or..?'#also i know this is funny to genuinely no one else but i briefly debated having maya make the fan name “the canners”#as if the band name was “can't-er” not “canter”#(they're just 'fishies') but i wanted to incorporate it somehow hence the gc name and that one fan's username#coelacanter? no. we coelacan... ner <3
107 notes
·
View notes
Text
Was pleasantly post-drunk buzzed earlier and decided to take a self-care day of Not Writing today and then accidentally wrote a complete 2.4k fic
So. To every sweet and kind reader who commented on last Friday's fics with notes of concern about me burning myself out with four posting days a week: Don't worry about it!! I appear to be physically unable not to write, I guess!
I am not, like, forcing it to get the writing done for four days, I am adding a fourth fic because I do so much writing nowadays. Literally writing an average of 6k a day right now (so, I guess the 2.4k count as slow but then they ARE countered by Sunday's unreasonable 11k, staying on an average of 6k???).
I'm fine!! I just suck at not writing, I guess??
#About Me#this just keeps happening. I keep going 'oh today will be slow---ooops I wrote a fic#though in ALL sincerity I was genuinely touched by everyone#who commented concern about me burning myself out like y'all are so sweet#don't worry about it. I've burned out last year and am now in my rising from the ashes phase#taking the 'phoenix' part of my name very literal ;D
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
Right and his work menaces (Brent and Karen).
I don't remember last I mentioned it but apart from crude nicknames to people (except Chris), he also just puts them in his phone really weird (except Chris, who is literally in his phone as Chris). And I bring this up because in Right's phone, Karen is saved as "Lawful Obligation".
#my characters#oops i fell in love#can you guys tell im stressed and hyperfixating on my own fucked up ocs cause i am#also brents nickname at work and in rights phone is fuckwad#and hes like yeah if im called anything else at this point by right its weird and uncomfortable#and when it is finally approached as if paul is only in rights phone as shitty-ex (answer) now that hes an excoworker#what was he in rights phone BEFORE the transfer#and right is like annoying dickwad ... karen is like oh i see thats why you call him a dick still#thats like a nickname from his phone name#and brent has to ask why fuckwad and dickwad and right looks at him and takes a deep breathe before saying#because i like the word wad and it is very comforting bc like a wad of paper ? you can throw it away#and so if i realize i gotta get rid of attachment i wad it up#also dont tell paul that dickwad was a form of attachment or he will never shut the fuck up about it#karen and brent both swear to never mention it to paul#paul is honestly such a weird anomaly in the plot bc he doesnt directly work at the same police station#but he is CONSTANTLY a topic of gossip or annoyance or updates#hes literally karens best friend! aside from chris he was one of the few right worked with who HAD touch privileges before right banned it#hes also just genuinely well liked but no one can actually tell him or he will become insufferable#which is a crime that rick is guilty of once when he meets paul and karen introduces him#and rick is just OH i know that name! youre her best friend#and she looks so betrayed and paul looks so delighted and stunned and radiant over this fact#and rick makes up for it before the night is over which is why karen forgives him - he made paul back in his place#anyway yeah right has lots of fears and hes my bundle of anxiety and i love him and his atrocious nicknames#i think i would die if i gave someone a rude nickname even affectionately irl#also also final note on this ig#since right is a detective and not always at the station its worth pointing out brent and karen just work taking calls and#doing misc other work at their desks which are nearby so they 100% bond and its wonderful#ok i lied final note on them is#for a very long time karen has to check with right to make sure she isnt annoying brent because he doesnt emote well#and shes scared she wont know if shes annoying him please help youre like the only one who reads his moods accurately
34 notes
·
View notes
Text
an excerpt of the kon & cass genderisms fic im very excited about but still nowhere near done with:
The idea of Kon looking like a girl is kind of absurd, when Cass first thinks of the word. It brings to mind Steph, first and foremost. Brenda, too, though. And others.
But some of Brenda’s friends were tall, or broad-shouldered. Some of them dressed like Kon. The thought brings with it a pang, as always; Cass wishes she’d gotten to know them better, before…
Before.
But anyway. Not the point. The point is, Cass has seen Barbara call people without skirts or breasts girls or women, sometimes, too. So maybe Kon looking like a girl isn’t as weird as he seems to think it is.
She hums, cocking her head to the side. “What is a girl?”
“Huh?”
Next to her, Kon blinks. He frowns up at the stars, then rolls over and props himself up on one arm, and reaches over to playfully poke her nose.
“Well, I dunno exactly. You were Bat-girl, weren’t you? Shouldn’t you know?”
But that isn’t because of any… kinship with the word. No… what’s the word? Affinity. No particular affinity. Or is it connection? Something like that. Regardless, Cass shakes her head. “Barbara’s name. I just kept it.”
“Oh.” Kon frowns slightly. “I dunno, either, honestly. I mean, TV will tell you a girl is someone who likes girly stuff, but that’s stupid, ‘cuz plenty of girls don’t like girly stuff, and I mean, I do like so-called girly stuff, I guess, like knitting or baking, and I’m not a girl. So…” He shrugs, rolling back over onto his back. A moment later, though, he picks his head up and peers at her. “Are you—is this—I mean, are you trying to tell me you’re not a girl?”
The way he holds himself makes it seem like that’s some kind of a big deal. Cass just shrugs. “Dunno.”
“Oh,” Kon says, again, more softly this time. “Hey, I mean—nothing wrong with that either. It’s cool.”
Cass shrugs again. “It’s just a word. To me, anyway.” It’s her turn to frown in thought. “What makes a boy a boy?” She lightly nudges his side. He’s warm against the slight night chill, and she scoots in a little closer with a hum. “You were Super-boy. Tell me.”
Kon blows out a breath. “Hoo, man. Now ain’t that just a fine pickle and a half?”
Cass wrinkles her nose. “What do pickles have to do with it?” She likes pickles. Ma Kent has a jar of crisp ones in the pantry, homemade from cucumbers grown in the garden out back. Cass likes the way they crunch between her teeth and splatter vinegar-juice on her tongue.
“Nothing. It’s… actually, I have no idea why that’s something people say.” Kon lets out a wry snort. “I came pre-programmed with slang and idioms, y’know.”
“I know,” Cass says, and pats his arm. “Pregnable.”
Kon lets out a bark of bright laughter. It reminds her of the stars. He seems so very at home here, under the night sky. The starlight matches the gentle glow of his eyes. When he isn’t wearing his glasses, it’s easy to see the inhuman blue.
“Aw, man,” Kon says, still grinning. “You remember that? I forgot I said that way back then.”
“It was…” Cass tilts her head. “New to me. Memorable, for that reason.” She grins mischievously. “A pregnable boy.”
Kon laughs again. Cass snuggles up to his side and throws her arm across his ribs. She likes to feel the rise and fall of his chest as he breathes.
#rimi writes#kon#cass#koncass#<- not romo just deeply affectionate friendship#they are two touch-starved little fellas#so they are all over each other <3#the thing about cass and gender is that like... so much of it is tied to language and social custom#two things cass only very recently started to understand#so her perspective on a lot of it is just so. Whatever. it feels removed from her#whereas kon has so so so many issues about how he's perceived by others because for him privacy didn't even exist for the first few years#and the constant scrutiny of child stardom got into his head#and putting them both together about gender and presentation and figuring it out. its SOOOO juicy. to me at least#genuinely am sooo excited about this fic. i just have to write the other 2/3 of it
147 notes
·
View notes
Text
if i had to work in a corporate setting i would want to be a professional naysayer. put me in a meeting and make it my job to pay attention and then go “hey no let’s not do that that’s fucking stupid” and then maybe suggest something better instead. design companies would love me but this would also work anywhere corporate
#marzi speaks#genuinely i think so many american things would be better if this was a real job position#someone whose only role is to actively prevent groupthink#and because they are doing a very helpful service to the company as a whole you can’t really get mad at them for shooting down bad ideas#bc. That’s What You Pay Them For#and i would be SOOOOO good at professional naysaying. i’m good at spotting fallacies and contradictions#as well as being good at catching design flaws. and being in touch with target audiences#genuinely i am extremely skilled in identifying problems and correcting misinformation.
9 notes
·
View notes
Note
If you actually believe suicide is punishable by eternal damnation and that applies to Javert as well, you must invariably also apply this logic to Valjean, who starved himself to death. A passive suicide is still suicide; it doesn’t stop being so just because you prefer one character to another. To pretend like Valjean didn’t commit suicide and goes to heaven but that Javert must go to hell is just outright incorrect and biased on every level. They either both went to heaven or both went to hell, but you can’t have it two different ways.
Hey thanks for the ask /gen!
I don't believe suicide sends you to hell. I've been pretty careful to specify that *Catholic doctrine in the past* (as I'm not aware of their current position) has taught that suicide is a mortal sin (you can even see this attitude in Hamlet, in which the characters are Catholic), but I am not Catholic, nor do I believe that doctrine was ever true.
Your salvation is not gained or lost by your virtue or sin. Salvation is given by God: "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not of yourselves, it is the gift of God, so that no man can boast" (Ephesians 2:8-9).
Narratively, how this applies to Valjean vs. Javert is that Valjean accepts his salvation and the mercy shown to him, while Javert, because of his pride and shame (among other reasons) rejects it and instead commits suicide. Neither of them "deserved" a second chance, but both of them were offered it; Valjean took it, and Javert did not.
God will not force you into heaven, but He does make the Way (through faith in Christ) available to everyone. The tragedy of Javert is that he is unwilling to accept that God's path is not the path he thought it was, and instead of living a new life in light of this truth, he ends his life in rejection of it. And in doing so, he condemns himself, when mercy was right in front of him--as so many choose to do.
#also genuinely not sure where the idea that i prefer jvj/am biased against javert is coming from? i really like both of their characters#i don't think hugo intended javert to be redeemed by the narrative and there are many reasons for that (especially given his symbolic role)#but that doesn't mean i hate him and think he 'deserved what he got' or anything lol. he's fascinating and flawed and i love him#les miserables#javert#les mis#inspector javert#meta#my meta posts#my christianity#also yes i am definitely a christian and that comes up a lot in my discussion of les mis as it is a very christian work!#if anyone is curious about more of my views on things like how the characters understand faith i would LOVE to infodump about that#bc jvj AND javert both have a messed up version of faith/religion in their minds but i think the story does critique this#anyways all that to say esp with an ask like this that directly touches on faith/doctrinal issues i'm gonna get pretty in the weeds with it#just wanted to give a heads-up#kay is a classical literature nerd#kay has a party in the tags#responses aka the ramblings of my brain#kay can i just catch my breath for a second#and ALSO also of course there's more than just religious symbolism in javert's suicide. i'm just focusing on that angle bc of the ask
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
Thinks about how. Gloreth only starts looking at Nimona differently/strangely when her parents call her a "monster". Just throws that label with such a negative connotation on her. Gloreth fucking fights for Nimona immediately in the beginning saying that she's her friend and never once looks at her with ridicule until her mom just holds her by the shoulders and tells her she's a monster, straight in the eye, straight in the face. And just the word is enough to cause the change.
Nimona's getting fucking attacked and prodded and Gloreth doesn't even feel sorry for her just because she's now re-contextualizing everything around her but with that word. I'm so sick. She looks not in hesitance but at disbelief before she runs away. She sees Nimona trying to defend herself from literal Danger in any way she can (she's just a kid and she's fighting with people who won't listen, never will, people that she can't get through) but just sees that as more proof of her being violent, monstrous. She sees her friend all alone, with the odds and the world stacked against her despite them being. so similar but just tells her to go back to the shadows.
And like. Of course she believes those words calling Nimona a monster and takes them to heart. Her parents, the ones she would probably trust most are the ones that told her that. And she's young, she doesn't know much about the world or much better. And of course, her parents and the whole village don't know any better. They didn't see what she saw. They don't know or feel the need to know much more than the definition of the word "monster". But it hurts. God it hurts. It's wrong. It's not fair. It's really not fair.
And it causes this whole legend that will stay with Nimona to ridicule her for generations and generations and birth this system that she's trapped by and causes everyone to be so brainwashed. The one that makes people scared and build walls. That births unecessary distrust.
God. Even in the scroll illustrating Nimona and Gloreth, Nimona is portrayed as such a bigger and scarier threat than she ever could be or would be, until Nimona internalized and gave into those images and despair of course. It's not fucking fair.
Thinking about how when the villagers saw Nimona as a "normal" person they were happy for her just living her life and playing with her friend, she was just another kid being happy like she and every ("normal", apparently) person deserves to be, and they were allowing her to be happy then when they find out what she really is they hate her. They call her a monster and drive her out immediately. They don't look into the details that contradict the stigma, they just feel betrayal when they weren't even the ones who were betrayed (Nimona couldn't fucking help being who or what she was. And she was her own person. She was still. A someone. Why do things have to be different now?). I'm so sickkk.
Thinks about how Nimona feels so hopeless as to just. Accept and yield to that label. That label that was passed down to Gloreth. To the whole world. Such simple but awful words. Aughhhhhhhhhhh
Another post I saw talks about how this is a movie about how hate is taught. And oh my god it is. Hate it taught. It's done so simply yet so, painfully effectively. So devastatingly. And that hate teaches people to hate the world back. God I fucking loooove this movie
Also Nimona's such a Creature /pos /affectionate she's so relatable I fucking love her and I'm insane okay that's the post bye
#nimona#nimona movie#nimona gloreth#this is all to jsut say the trans allegory is INSANEEEHAUEORBHAEOH it. touched me.#watched this movie with some irls after never hearing of it befroe in my LIFE and. as a person who had. a very miserable june at home#and is still having kind of a miserable time at home#this movie made me feel. very accepted and loved :)#lmao at one of the emotional points with nimona one of my irls like dragged me in for a hug#because i was laugh-sobbing very loudly because being dramatic is fun LMAO exagerrated reaction y'know#and they said it's because they couldn't tell if i was actually crying or not#and while i don't think i was in that moment#i think i was genuinely crying at some point#not in an obvious way. just slight tears. and not the laughing kind#and it was great. what a great movie <3333#the fact these themes are also. extremely prevalent in another piece of media im currently hyperfixated on is sooo unfair you can't do that#also unrelated but i love how casually ballister and ambrosius' relationship is portrayed#it's so nice to see it just. be there. and be wonderful#all in all yeah great movie i am now sick for life <3#also i spent this whoel post misspelling “nimona” as “nimora” i'm :skull: good thing i reread and edit before posting
110 notes
·
View notes
Text
(Image description below 'read more' line.)
[Image ID: A four-by-four alignment chart on a white background with text descriptions to the left and to the top of the squares.
The top left description reads, "seems like they'd be good at parenting." The top right description reads, "seems like they'd be bad at parenting."
Then, from the top down, to the left of the squares, the other set of descriptions reads: "excellent child rearing instincts," and "never trust them with a child in your life."
Each of the four squares contains an image of a different character. At the top left is an image of Lan Wangji of the Mo Dao Zu Shi donghua. He sits between the descriptors "seems like they'd be good at parenting," and "excellent child rearing instincts."
In the top right square sits an image of Wei Wuxian, also of the Mo Dao Zu Shi donghua. He sits between the junction of "seems like they'd be bad at parenting" and "excellent child rearing instincts."
In the bottom left square is an image of Xie Lian from the Tian Guan Ci Fu manhua. He occupies the square with the captions, "seems like they'd be good at parenting" and "never trust them with a child in your life."
Finally, in the bottom left square, sits an image of Hua Cheng from the Tian Guan Ci Fu manhua. He occupies the junction between "seems like they'd be bad at parenting" and "never trust them with a child in your life". /End ID]
#look ok#i see all the cute little fics with xl and hc talking about becoming parents and etc etc#and that's cute! that's adorable!! let them be happy!!!#but. you have to admit ok. hualian need to work through their own problems#like c'mon. xl picks up like AT LEAST three kids in the book and then proceeds to forget about one on his shelf for a while#just kinda. stands judgmentally with his hands on his hips about guzi and qi rong (it's really funny though don't get me wrong)#and after finally re-capturing lang ying he's like 'i'm gonna guardian you!' and then a whole bunch of shit happens and uh well#ly turns out to be the ghost of some kid xl traumatized 800 years ago come back for vengeance (L)#which means xl traumatized him multiple times lmao#we aren't even touching qi rong and lang qianqiu which YES i know the latter wasn't xl's fault and i am fully aware that the situation with#qi rong is and was complicated. BUT. come ON man can these poor kids never catch a break? the one kid he DIDN'T accidentally traumatize#turned out to be obsessively in love with him so like maybe this is for the best?#anyway i also just don't think they'd be... genuinely interested in a commitment like that? like hc would go along with anything xl wants#but he doesn't seem the type to be interested in kids (he's mostly just interested in xl)#xl isn't off the hook either ok#people bring up hc's treatment of e'ming but xl isn't exactly a saint to ruoye. i dont blame the guy he's got a lot on his mind#but he's also very.... absent#plus with the responsibilities of their respective positions all their extra time is like. spent on eachother jk?#this isn't to say xl doesn't *like* kids or anything i just don't think he would want to be a full-time parent lmao#also they DEFINITELY have their own issues with themselves as kids and i'm afraid that might translate into like. parenting#meme#tgcf#mxtx meme#tgcf meme#xie lian#hua cheng#lan wangji#wei wuxian#wei ying#lan zhan
54 notes
·
View notes
Note
ZACH OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT DO YOU MEAN I MISSED YOUR BIRTHDAY?!!! IM SO SORRY OFERJGFERN IM SO MAD IM ONLY FINDING OUT NOW.
IM SENDING YOU ALL THE GODDAMN AMAZING VIBES AND HUGS AND BEST TIMES EVER IN THE WORLD. TY FOR BEING SUCH A WONDERFUL LIGHT IN THIS COMMUNITY AND ABSOLUTELY FEEDING US WITH YOUR ENDLESS RICH CREATIVITY AND BEAUTIFUL MIND!!! YOUR PASSION, ART, AND REFLECTIONS NEVER CEASE TO AMAZE ME AND FILL ME WITH SM HAPPY STIMS LIKE- AGH!!!!
IM GONNA STOP YELLING NOW BUT ILYSM /P AND HOPE ONLY THE BESTEST THINGS EVER HAPPEN FOR YOU AND AND YOUR THE BEST AND AHHHHHHHHH QAQ <33 <33 <3333333
NO WORDS. ONLY CRY.
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH TRIONAAAAAA#IM BAWLING MY EYES OUT#LOOK!!!!! AT MY BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BOYYYYYS!!!!#YALL ARE FREAKING SPOILING ME SM RN#ALSO#LIGHT IN THIS COMMUNITY UM BITCH HAVE U LOOKED IN A MIRROR?..#????#DONT BC YOULL BLIND URSELF U ABSOLUTE BEACON OF GOODNESS HOW DARE U#ADFJBKKJHSDFJKHSFDKHJ#fandom friends#rat sons fanart#ask reply#THANK YOU THOUGH SERIOUSLY THAT MEANS SO MUCH AND MAKES ME GENUINELY SO EMOTIONAL#legitimately i am so so so glad and touched to be a part of this little corner of the internet#and to have met so many of you amazing incredible wonderful people <3#i for real love you all so very much /p#SOMEDAY IMMA STEAL U AND ARCHIE AND THE REST OF THE MOOTS AND WE'LL ALL HANG OUT TOGETHER#ILL BUY U GUYS SNACKS OR SMTHN#CUT FRUIT OR PLAY CATCH#IDK!!!!!#OLD MAN FORMS OF AFFECTION#AS I AM NOW OFFICIALLY ANCIENT#ALSO APOLOGIES THAT IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO RESPOND LIFES BEEN KICKING MY ASS A BIT THIS WEEK#got a second job so my time to draw and be online is even less than before :((((#but!!! im hoping i can eventually slowly shift from my old retail job to just this new one which should improve things!! :D#THANK YOU AGAIN TRIONA!!! LOVE U SM /p AND SENDING U THE MOST AMAZING WONDERFUL VIBES FOREVER#KICK ASS OUT THERE!!!! 💪💪💪
36 notes
·
View notes
Text
I think it's time I change my bio to say it's been 11 years since I started to watch Ninjago.....
Gosh. Where's my senior discount on the lego sets, huh?
#I actually don't remember exactly when I picked up ninjago. I just know that it was april or may cause it was nearing the end of-#the school year#anyway this show feels like it's my best friend in all honesty. it's been with me for so long and at my loneliest#and to think that I've grown up alongside it. it's so weird#I have such a clear memory of like when just about anything happened for this show#s3 finale? I was sick but I still tuned into watch and CRIED#s5? I watched nearly every episode when it aired on cartoon network in my parents room cause my dad was using our other tv at that time#s8? watched it weekly in my grandparents basement and It Was A Ride#s11 finale? got to the episode at like. 6 am before I had to go to school and felt utterly disappointed there was no kai and zane fight#seabound? watched it weekly that one spring and IT WAS ALSO A RIDE#and that's not even touching the hours upon hours of fan works I've looked at#just. it's been such a long time. over a decade of my life that I've been attached to this show. and at the same time it feels like no-#time has passed at all#I actually first watched the show cause some classmates were talking about it and I wanted to be friends with someone so bad so I started-#to watch it and I Very Quickly surpassed their love of it#what a ride huh? now we're at a point where I can look this show and say it's genuinely good (THANK YOU DRAGONS RISING!!!!!!!!!!)#ok I'm done reminiscing. time to think about the newest scenarios in which to make kai suffer >:)#ninjago#phoenix prattles
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
what the actual fuck y'all
#drama /#negative /#>> TBD.#>> OUT.#i am genuinely so confused#where is the anger coming from#are we in high school... why the spite why the pettiness#why the 'especially someone i considered a friend' evolving into 'isn't even a friend'#a thirdhand connection to someone shitty & one vent post warrants an entire dni campaign? like. why. esp when u Also make those posts#???? i just do not get it.#whatevs man. i guess ppl are just gonna keep dropping me for an extremely petty reason and i cant control that! so. im gonna go touch grass#tbd tbd i wont harp on this too much i'm just very confused and upset
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking really hard about logging into my old tumblr acc after being gone for like a year and a half cause i stumbled upon a post that led me to my old mutuals and i teared up a lil </3 but also i feel so ashamed i left without saying a word to anyone aaaa
#like i genuinely feel so bad for simply disappearing from people's lives :c#i used to talk to some of them daily and like even had plans to see one of them on holiday to another country?? like that level of close#and then well my mental health went to shit i took a semester off uni and disappeared from my irl friends' lives too for a good 6 months#some of my mutuals had my ig and we followed each other but i also haven't really been there much since dissappearing last year so#but i just snooped into some of their accounts and seeeing what they're up to made me want to talk to them sooo bad#everyone was so cool and kind and i miss them so much it's just i feel so guilty and also don't even know if i'm able to mantain constant#contact and conversations with people now. like it's been even hard for me to stay in touch with my irl friends aaa#why must my brain hate me so much and not let me socialize !! i used to be such an extroverted person what the fuck happened!!#i know some of them messaged me worried and i felt so guilty for not responding but i saw those dms when i was very much deppressed#so i never answered and now i feel like it's too late GOD!!#anyways at least it was nice snooping and seeing how they're doing i genuinely wish them only good things they're fucking great#maybe i just need to suck it up and just go back and talk to people again but i get so overwhelmed just thinking about it!!#okay it's like 4 am i'm posting this and maybe deleting it in the morning sorry for the rant i just am feeling a lot !!
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
i need to make time to start brushing up on languages again i genuinely forgot how much fun it is to be able to speak to people in their native language until I went to spain this past week and had to fight for my life with long-buried memories of my toddler-level spanish
#genuinely touched at how many people (lying to my face very kindly) were like 'whoa your spanish is actually good!'#It Certainly Is Not. but i appreciate the thought. perhaps one day it can be#spanish first. chinese after perhaps? theres no way on gods green earth i am going to be relearning how to read and write it though
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#idk how to explain it but like.#was talking to my ex earlier and he is falling in love again#and there's a part of me that's sad about it bc it's been so long and i am way too messed up to fall in love again#but the biggest part of me was just immediately filled with genuine joy#i want for him something as good as what we had or better#which is a tall order tbh bc we did have something very good#but i think there's real possibility this time and that makes the little bit of ache ok#I'll be honest-- i have never been able to figure out where i fall in the poly/mono spectrum#but times like these push me toward poly?#bc when i love someone their joy brings me joy even if I'm not the source of it#and i know i might have to push to keep in touch more (hard) but mostly i just want this person i care about#to have the love and support they deserve#ignore that I'm crying rn though im not sad just nostalgic and touch starved and lonely and drowning
11 notes
·
View notes