#i am genuinely so mad rn
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NO FUCKING WAY I JUST GOT BOOTED OUT OF MY PINTEREST ACCOUNT. AND I CANT FUCKING LOG BACK IN BECAUSE THE DEVICE IM ON TECHNICALLY BELONGS TO MY SCHOOL AND THE ADMIN FUCKING BLOCKED PINTEREST APPARENTLY I AM SO ANGRY OH MY GOD
#WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME BFEHBFJSBDJKAB#I AM GENUINELY SO MAD RN#ABSOLUTELY LIVID#ALL OF MY BOARDS AND SHIT ARE JUST GONE#THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT I AM SO FUCKING PISSED OFF
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how has de la fuente not learned anything from running dani olmo and pedri into the ground? it’s genuinely astonishing how dumb someone can be
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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Hhhungryyyyyyyyyyy
#i want burger#and garlic mayo#you’re telling me a gar licked this mayo?#can you tell I just remembered that this is a personal blog#I can post whatever i want#I’m treating it like a private twitter account but just with art posting#but like seriously I’m so fucking hungry rn it’s literally 3 am#I genuinely just want a burger#for my American audience i want a chicken sandwich#chicken sandwiches and burgers are just kinda considered the same here#what fucking audience you loser it’s 3 am and you’re burger posting in tags#chat can you believe this?#chat is this real#also I’m fucking COOLLLDDDDE#who’s been reading all of this#if you have leave a comment down below 😎#if you’ve been reading this long you deserve some personal information#I’m so mad I won’t get a burger on Friday and probably also Saturday#since I’m going to the shit doctors#and they’re shoving a camera up my asshole (colonoscopy)#what’s that one saying#hot people have stomach issues#anyway#I can’t eat for a FULL DAY before it#aka Friday#and then it says on the prep document that your first meal shouldn’t be super greasy#which makes me pissed like#dude let me eat my shitty burger and poutine#ohhhh my god I want an osmows poutine#guys I ran out of tags so I guess you’re not gonna hear the story about how we had 3 university students all hunched over food CHARACTER LIM
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plain and simple i am not going to be able to remain in this fandom long-term if i have to keep putting disclaimers on every single one of my posts that say i don't condone dennis' bad, bad actions and that i am in fact aware he's got a history of sexual assault and dubious/nonconsent. the entire gang has done heinous shit. why is dennis the only one who needs to be treated like this? if some rando wants to post about how dennis is pookie pie that doesn't automatically mean they're blind to his crimes. every single member of the gang is a piece of shit. that's kind of the point.
draw dennis with cat ears who give a shit
#ada speaks#i'm not vagueing this is a constant thing ive experienced#i still have angry anons sitting in my askbox mad that i didn't explicitly condemn him last time i got into this#i'm really not a fan of the tension in the fandom the last few days#and like. i know its a hot button issue rn. everyone's going back and forth abt mac and dennis' SA#but this fandom genuinely does have an issue SPECIFICALLY MENTIONING things mac does to dennis and uwu-ifying them#when they are explicitly classified as SA in canon (which is an actual present issue i think needs to be addressed)#rather than like. just the mere MENTION of dennis outside of his SA is somehow condoning his actions#im sorry but i really do not feel the need to constantly talk about him assaulting women#everyone knows. everyone sees it. just bc i am dissecting other parts of his character does not mean i forgot he's a horrible person#it just means im trying to understand where he's coming from (which obviously does not change the facts.)#viewing dennis as a person with unresolved trauma stemming from elsewhere doesn't negate the damage he is doing to other people#he's not a real person where humanizing him does tangible damage#so i am going to continue to look into shit. when i talk about the CSA he went through it's not a justification.#but it does explain his actions in a character motivation type way which is what i am interested in#seeing what makes him tick#i think most people who follow me understand this by now. but i also don't think shit we see him do constantly in canon needs bringing up.#it's the subtle stuff that ties everything together and i want to put it all together to solve a puzzle
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Haha so just saw this around, wanted to leave this here and mention if you have feelings like this, especially if you feel the burning need to watch a child raped, please please please DM me your house number! I am totally here to help and will not call animal services for rabid animal control haha its totally for help. If you ever interact w, post, or like stuff like this, and I come across it on my dash, and this account creeps into your DMs, its for the same reason! Not for anything else! Just thought I’d post a disclaimer for my future actions haha!
#i know its twitter brain sickness of some kind#but it genuinely APPALLS me that people manage to hit enter on such utter ILL shit#whatever fucking platform#i am so mad rn im shaking#if you are on my blog and reading this and you post such hate ANYWHERE get the fuck off and unfollow me now#house of the dragon#asoiaf fandom#i am looking at you guys#and i am NOT kidding#this is triggering shit for me and if i see it around you will see your end#so UNFOLLOW ME NOW#this is me trying to set boundaries dont fucking blame me later ive forewarned
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Actually sorry I need to bitch and moan about this. I've been reading the san.dman (do not ever do this to yourself it's a hell unimaginable by anyone) and like... I really think it's interesting how much ga/iman is praised as super progressive on Tumblr for THIS specifically when it has so so much bad in it. About 10 issues in I started a game with how many women were in the issue who survived/were raped/nearly raped and it was insane how little women did not fit into these categories. One black woman lived and the rest were all burned alive. And he then later gave an excuse that it was bc of how Dream imprisoned Nada (16 year old African queen who fell in love with him. Its a very big mess and really sucks) in Hell so of course it influenced the entire world and so every black woman but ONE (who was introduced in the second to last issue) died and died violently. Not even to get into how it plays into the really violent misogyny that he had during the short story he wrote around the end of San.dman (when he was in his mid 30s) that was literally just one graphic rape scene to a minor after another (his snow white retelling is pretty infamous bc of how bad it is just by the summary but let me tell you that it is FAR worse to read). Like there's so so much that I think people do not discuss with his writing and it honestly just is very baffling that people hype him up given well. Everything that happens in San.dman. like the endless alone has a lot of... Well let's say interesting issues. Every single woman dream comes across wants to fuck him (to the point that at his funeral, it's 90% the women he was with/wanted to be with him and then a little from his siblings????), despairs entire character is literally just that she's depressed and coincidentally the most prominent fat character (and also naked all the time. Which they did seem to fix in the show but it's baffling how it's like her, one serial killer who nearly raped a woman before dream stops him, a guy that dies and I guess Abel if you squint for the fat rep) and then desire oh my god. I wish desire was written well instead of here's our nonbinary/gender fluid/genderless rep (cool in theory!!!) and then the fact that it (in the original series, she uses he she and it pronouns) raped a woman is dropped on your head and he is not at all regretful about it and ends up like.. taunting the victims granddaughter??? And delirium my god if there was ever a representation for born sexy yesterday and also being weird as fuck about mental illness it would be her. She's barely clothed most of the time, referred to as very very young most of the time and her mental illness (vague) is just kind of used as a joke a lot of the time? Like it's a funny joke that she doesn't remember stuff or that she's overstimulated or that she's using the wrong words or talking like a child. It's really weird because all of these characters have potential but they aren't really ever treated that way. Me when I get him for every single woman treated horribly!!!!!
#twist rambles#i am NOT taking any chances for this thus why its censored bc well. i don't want to deal w it lol#rape mention#misogyny#misogynoir#<- all for bl but im mad about this againnnn#sorry im just!!!!!! when i get him!!! like ppl do NOT know how bad it is and how bad it's handled#no notes on d/eath bc her writing is mostly ok minus the spinoffs but god I just. the way he treats women!! it's bad lmao#not even to get into the lgbt handling bc like.. i guess he was trying but man its so so bad. genuinely do not get me started on it#long post#<- it kind of is but the rage just kind of consumed me a little. like i dont get why he's this bad at it!!! i do actually but like god it#sucks. very good to read this if u want to blow him up already and want to strengthen that#im on a spinoff that everyone hates rn and like man its weirdly a relief that its not written by him. I'm excited to see the stuff caítlin#wrote bc maybe it'll be better. im back to the mines now but. know it's bad ok#and that SUCKS bc like there r characters i like. theres parts i enjoy.#8 was the only one i rly would recommend bc it works better than a lot of the stuff in it but man. yeah. it sucks to see the potential in a#media and then its like misogyny sledgehammer!!!!!
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ok i might need to force myself to not romance astarion bc i don't want to know what it says about me to turn down karlach, the woman of my dreams, the character made to cater me personally, like, if she was real i'd bring the moon and stars down for the chance to see her smile, she's everything i've hoped for in a rpg companion, what does it say about me if i turn that down for someone like astarion
#ngl karlach would be too good for me and i wouldnt deserve it#shed probably ask me stuff like 'what do you want?' upon which i would be paralyzed with fear my mind completely blank unable#to process why i can't answer a simple question#and she's so up front with her emotions which i absolutely adore but i could not reciprocate that#wait am i actually for real avoiding the karlach romance bc i feel like this fictional character from a video game is too good for me#a real human being. like. i think i would feel guilty about romancing her#which makes no sense bc i romance characters too good for anyone all of the time. but idk#in those cases ive always had like a strong character i play as who is very divorced from who i am#but playing as durge there is no past so idk who my tav is yet so all i can do is project so he feels very. personal#im v sleepy and also ive had brain fog all day so yea idk#i mean i do genuinely like astarion and his character but in his case i dont feel guilty bc i feel like i#i have no idea how to finish that sentence without it sounding like 'i can fix him'#bc i dont want to fix him i want to show him compassion and respect him and his boundaries so he'll be able to reclaim tje feeling of#being in control of his life#so he'll stop putting people down to feel like hes on a pedestal#like i get him and why he is like that but i just feel like being kind and caring towards him would feel so good#it wouldnt fix him and thats a good thing bc i dont want him to change who he is but i do think he needs support#also hes hot im so mad at myself for being so atteacted to him#we wouldnt b here if i didnt have a thing for voices#besides thag back to the main point of astarion its like. ugh! im so frustrated rn bc i dont have the words#to express my emotions toward him bc everything ive said lacks the nuance that im feelikg but idk how to put it in words#i guess i want to protect him? that such a terrible sentence and still not what om going for
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Are all character maintags like that or is it just scott’s btw
#bree barks so fucking loud#I think it might just be a maintag thing. Sorry for being vague i dont think complaining about fandom shit is constructive#It can be! But i dont have the energy to make my complaints insightful rn LOL#I gotta go to the bankkkk#actually you know what vaguing is for losers i’ll be back to this thought. eventually#rn im unsure if im just mad or am genuinely interested in the workings of it all. Could be both
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yall the lover anniversary hit me so hard yesterday. i am still so sad.
#personal#i just!!! miss!! taylor!!! fucking!! swift!!!!!!!!!! not whoever the fuck she is rn#like the shift makes me feel so physically ill like i genuinely feel so sad and nostalgic for how the fandom/ taylor interacted#and how simple things felt#compared to now#god i just. am so mad. at her.
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Okay I'm not saying that this semester's students suck ass bc I'm not there to teach them, but isn't it just such a coincidence that the vast majority are failing so miserably and they don't have someone who will tutor them outside of class and go over notes and skills with them, while the previous semesters did have that and the majority passed? Super interesting stuff. Too bad we'll never know if things could've been different if they had just fucking paid me :)
#can you tell I'm peeved lmao#i went to one of the classes today just so i can keep it on my resume#and holy fuck#weeks into the semester and they should have the basics down#they do not#absolutely floundering#granted I'm sure I'm not actually the reason lmao#like yeah i helped a shit ton of students outside class too#but they probably could've passed without me#these new ones tho are awful#no drive no nothing just looking for others to blame for their own failures#i didn't even stay the whole time like i was planning#bc i found out that they hired four other fucking people for the program#who all have less experience than me#and have been with the program for a way shorter time than i have#who don't do half the extra shit i do#and don't get me wrong this isn't a slight at them they're all fully qualified#but why the fuck not hire me#like i genuinely am so pissed#have to email my supervisor but I'm too upset to make it sound civil#like fucking fine if you don't wanna pay me you never get to see me again#I'm not working ten hour days plus extra outside of class for nothing anymore that's insane#I'll keeping being a private tutor for the students but I'm not doing a single thing for the program without pay#i mean holy shit hiring at least four other people and not saying shit to me??#like fine that's fine fuck you you're getting an email ultimatum good luck finding someone else willing to do all that for free#i cried about it for like an hour and now I'm just mad lmao having a super normal one rn#anyway#not snz
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me (not joking, very stressed): i think im going to have a mental breakdown if something else goes wrong here.
everyone irl: hahahhahaa ur so funny(:
#i am literally 2 secobds from vomiting over how stressed i am about some worm stuff#*work stuff#but im glad my discomfort is entertaining for them 🙃🙃🙃#(im seriously fine i just have crippling anxiety to the point i speedran the medcard process in my state from how mt assessment went)#(and this would stress Anyone out so yk. i feel like im dying hahahaha)#im also aware mt reaction 8s an over reaction#it just like. kinda sucks that even when im being genuine no one believes me ;~;#no one really believes me unless im like. Actively spiraling in front of them#and then instead of offering support 9/10 ppl get mad and scared and upset that im having a reaction Period#bc they are so large and disproportionate 🤩#anyway. i may actually vomit about this cauze.my stomach wont calm down#and like theres truly solutions there#theres truly things that can be done#im just..so crisised out#between work and personal i have literally not had a SINGLE MONTH this year w/o some major crisis happening around me that im pulled into#i feel so sick#and i have to isolate myself to fix this but dont have the tiiiiiiiiiime available#so yk. doing Great (':#yes this is why ive been extremely online the last few months and Shari everything#i Cannot keep this in and i Cannot talk to people abt it#bc im at a place now where if im asked probing questions theres a 80% chance im gonna wanna explode#and ethically kt doesnt feel ok to go to people Knowing this will happen#im so deeply bot ok rn i am like. woozy#oh no
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school had an awards ceremony and they had an art award. which i did not win and trust me that was an act of fucking daylight robbery
#monolith mumbles#I SWEAR.TO FUCKING GOD#GENUINELY#THE WHOLE FUCKING YEAR I DID MY WORK ON FUCKING TIME . SKILLIWISE I AM THE BEST IN THERE. I WORKED QUIETLY & EFFICIENTLY#ACTUAL FUCKING ROBBERY im so fucking mad#they'd also ask me to do art which i fucking Would ohhh my god they can all go fuck themselves#nobody will gaf later but rn i am pissed
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yknow a big problem with the surge of adapting books into tv shows is that sometimes they take your latest favorite sci fi book series that does a wonderful job examining the intersection of body augmentation/cybernetics and disability and decide the casting choice for the main character robot person autism allegory is a well known cis white male actor and you just want to kill someone
#literally a series that so seamlessly and easily plays in a (FINALLY) uniquely diverse space without being Fucking Weird about it#and you cast this fucking guy. COME ON#I am unreasonably mad about this but it's honestly so genuinely upsetting#like. murderbot is a genderless construct. this could have been a show made by queer people#but of course it's the fucking weitz brothers#honestly I'm disappointed in the author for this too it just sucks#anyway streaming should die#and i think the only reason they went with a dude is because the audiobooks are narrated by a man#which is like. i am ripping out throats w my mind rn
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i want to commit first degree murder on that fictional asshole
#➳ the fool speaks#holy shit he should kill himself holy fuck#im. restraining myself sm rn to not write a 10 page ''you should [violence violence violence]'' yourself#thing directed to this stupid fucking bundle of pixels rn#i NEED to kill him with a rock NONE of you understand i have to choke him and stab him and shoot him i hope he dies#in source i hope he dies horrendously im genuinely so fucking mad rn#i am seething with rage i need to beat his ass rn#i need to teleport into his source w creative mode on and smite him#i want to gouge his guts i want to#no no no nevermind not even ''want'' i NEED to at this point that would fix me#uhhhhhhhhh#man what do i even tag this#violence mention tw#violence mention cw#mentions of violence#violence tw#???????????????????????????#sorry im. im so mad. im so mad. i need to blow this guy's brains out SORRY
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i have dealt with 5 million evil tags on my fucking post about oh hey. stop yaoi focusing when no one writes about women. and op (disgusting proshipper) is like um 😗 i really should get on that. why are all of your dc fics batcest except for 3. out or 48. i kind of hope you die
#twist rambles#ask to tag#sorry im like. having to restrain from sending anon hate or publicly reblogging from them w their tags and getting mad about it. like you#are genuinely fucking stupid and disgusting but also. batc/est fan no shcok lmao.#incest mention#it would be easy enough to find this person in the tags but honestly idc#like. dami and JASON smut fic. i am not a guy who sends anon hate but my god. i want to so bad rn im so serious.
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