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irwintry · 5 years

Text

Jean Jacket

Warnings: swearing, alcohol, drug mention

Summary: Y/N and Luke have been best friends, but they haven’t seen each other in years. Based loosely off of the song “Jean Jacket” by The Summer Set.

Word Count: 9.5k

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You messaged him at 10:14 in the morning. It felt unnatural, and a knot formed in your stomach once you hit send.

You:

hey.

string bean

He didn’t reply until 6:24 that night.

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

Don’t call me that.

I’m toned now.

You:

oh my bad

what’s a thicc vegetable

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

I don’t know

You:

you have cool hair

so do asparagus’

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

Don’t call me asparagus.

You:

sorry

sexy stalk of corn

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

I hate you

You:

i love u squid

should i learn how to use photoshop

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

Absolutely not

I don’t want to be photoshopped onto corn

What do you want?

You:

oh sorry am i bothering u

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

Yes

You:

rude

string bean

Message not delivered.

why aren’t my messages sending

did u block me

wtf asshole

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

Hehe

You:

i'm gonna kick ur ass

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

Good luck reaching it.

You:

ok getting on a plane rn

and jokes on u

i'm bringing a step ladder w me

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

I’ll pay

You:

bet?

did u just fucking venmo me

squid????

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

Maybe

You:

luke

do u want me to visit u

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

I just venmo’d you

You:

wait do u rly want me to visit u

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

Yeah.

You:

wait ok shit... when works best for u

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

Literally whenever

You:

don’t u have tours and shit

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

Not for five months

You:

oh fuck.

ok I’ll start looking

shit dude

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

I miss you.

You:

i miss u 2 squid

sorry i mean

string bean

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

JK. Can you venmo me back?

You:

no fuck u

it’s mine now

You weren’t in airports often.

You never grew accustomed to the atmosphere–– the hustle and bustle of business class and the lack of knives in terminal restaurants. You had no reason to be acquainted. Yet, there was still a familiar panic that gripped you as you stood shoeless and alone in the line for security. The terminals were each a maze of their own, and the heavy Jansport hanging off of your shoulder pushed down against your tight muscles.

You preferred traveling with another person. In fact, you preferred to not travel at all. The comfort of your home held Jeopardy re-runs and take-out Chinese. Whereas your terminal had startling gate announcements and overpriced froyo, and they didn’t even have toppings. The bathrooms smelled of poo no matter what time you chose to use them, and you sat on the toilet in mild discomfort, suitcase meshed between you in the broken metal stall. The same abandoned luggage announcement had played sixteen times since your arrival through security.

But you tried to think about the positive outcome of your travel. You saw yourself running up to him, hands slipping the bulky luggage to the ground as you threw your arms around him. He stood there smiling and calling you old nicknames you had been forced to read over text for six to seven years. And then he would take your hand and guide you to his car, his ever-present smile never faltering because you were there, and he was with you. It would be just like old times.

You thought about all of the places you would go and the people you would meet. Anxiety puddled your head when you thought about meeting his friends. They were untouchable, glamor and gold and all things Hollywood untold. And you were you, but Luke had changed, too.

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

Still arriving at 6:13 in Terminal B?

You:

u bet ur (terminal B)um

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

That was one of your worst.

You:

ur right i gotta work on my comebacks on the flight

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

That wasn’t a comeback...?

You:

tHat WasN’t a CoMebAcK

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

Die.

You fell asleep on the flight.

Economy class forced you between a professor in his mid-forties and an athletic coach whose knees nudged against yours every time he shifted. You had started the flight off with a movie, some Anna Kendrick rom-com that stimulated a headache worth three bottles of Ibuprofen. Soon enough you were hobbling over long legs, bladder aching from an unbearable pressure, and then the lavatory was occupied.

You filled the next few hours with a playlist you had made for the flight. Luke’s songs lulled you to sleep–– but you wouldn’t tell him that. You wouldn’t grant him the satisfaction, not unless the moment called for it. That moment only occurred a few times within a year. That moment occurred during the times he came to you when he thought he had no one else.

And you would never tell him how selfish you felt. You would never admit that you loved those moments because you felt important. You felt like he needed you.

You weren’t sure how long you had been asleep for after you woke. The plane was dark and quiet, and not a soul breathed a word. So, you settled down into your seat and kept the light of your phone low. The time was 5:35 in the morning.

The airplane awakened a little after six o’clock, brightness flooding in followed by a chorus of groans and moans. You toyed with the sleeves of your jacket and felt incredibly small. The nerves in your chest simmered, and you thought about the shaky steps you would soon take to reach the arms of an old friend. You didn’t know why the blistering excitement felt so bad. You wanted to sit back down and take a one-way flight all the way back home.

Luke was in airports all too often.

He grew accustomed to suitcases rattling against filthy marble floors. He memorized the high-pitched, buzzy tone of squeaking escalators in frequented terminals. The familiarity overwhelmed him, and he had almost convinced himself he was among the many travelers on this day.

But he stood alone, not a single ounce of hurry in his bones while he waited for the arrival of an old best friend. The rising sun outside seeped through the large glass windows, yet the warm colors touched his back and kept his chest cold. He wanted your embrace, and he wanted the heat of your smile. Because he didn’t quite remember how it made him feel. He saw your face through pictures and videos, but the comfort of your presence faded from his memories.

Strangers eyed him. He could picture them searching the depths of their brain and wondering why they knew him. At the moment, he wished he wasn’t known. He wished he was seventeen again, the year the excitement was fresh and when the world didn’t seem so small. He wished he still knew you like he had back then.

Luke was tired.

Kermit the little bitch frog 🐸:

i need some fucking food

He felt nauseous and numb as he laughed at your words. It was like stage fright, like the intense, sickening nerves had hadn’t felt in years. His fingers trembled against the screen of his phone.

Kermit the little bitch frog 🐸:

also where r u

can u meet at baggage claim

i get nervous when i have to pick up my bag

i get scared that i’m gonna miss it

is that weird

Luke’s stomach knotted, and he typed out a quick affirmation while he kept his eyes locked on the small crowd of faces. Faces that looked like they hadn’t slept in forty years. But then again, Luke felt as though he looked the same way.

Kermit the little bitch frog 🐸:

what happens if i miss my bag

Luke:

It comes back around.

Don’t worry

Kermit the little bitch frog 🐸:

fffuckkkkkk customs

Luke:

Lol.

Kermit the little bitch frog 🐸:

escalators escalators escalators

Luke:

Eels.

Luke swallowed the bile rising to his throat. It had been years. He hadn’t seen you face-to-face in years, and he still wondered what it was about the moment that made him nervous. The anxiety caused him to shiver, and he tugged the sleeves of his sweater up and under his fingers. His eyes ached from lack of sleep, but he hoped your energy would change that. He hoped his nerves would ease the minute you opened your mouth. All he wanted was for it to feel natural.

He thought he saw you. He thought he had immediately recognized you from across the room, but the stranger was in a dress. Luke knew you would never––in your right mind––wear a dress to travel anywhere. So, he kept his eyes on the person as they walked away, and then there was a tap on his shoulder.

“Hey Squid.”

Luke glanced to his right, heart stammering in his chest at the sound of your voice. You were smiling, your eyes tired yet warm while the jean jacket you wore swallowed you whole. His jean jacket.

“You busy later?”

He cleared his throat and reached up to brush a few hairs away from his face. He didn’t know how to speak or initiate any kind of touch. He didn’t know how to talk to you anymore. “Yeah, sorry,” he mumbled with a small smile. “Got plans.”

“Ah.” You nodded. “You do?”

Luke hummed. He stuffed his hands in his pockets to keep them from shaking. “Meeting up with this old friend,” he said. “They flew all this way t’see me, and to be honest, that was kinda dumb of them.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” you replied with a laugh. “We gonna hug or just like, stand here looking like assholes?”

“The latter,” he said, and you rolled your eyes. Luke laughed as he allowed himself to push down nerves and throw his arms around you. It was a warm hug, just like he wanted it to be. “I see you still got that fuckin’ jacket.”

“Technically, it’s your jacket,” you said, pulling away. Your hair was messy, but he found it endearing. You looked like his best friend even though the years had separated the two of you. You looked soft and sweet, and he didn’t know why he wanted to keep holding you.

You nodded to yourself. “Got my suitcase,” you told him. “No thanks to you. In case you didn’t know, this isn’t baggage claim.”

“Shit,” he muttered. “’m sorry. I’m tired.”

“Oh, sorry to bother you,” you replied, smiling brightly before sending him a wink. “I’ll be going then.” You took a few steps toward the door.

Luke caught your arm. “No, no, you’re not leaving me. We’ve come this far. You’re stuck with me.”

“Oh, joy.”

“I don’t need your sarcasm, babe,” he said, and two of you made your way outside into the cool morning.

You stumbled behind him, your suitcase smacking against large chunks of concrete on the sidewalk. “Babe? Shit. I just shuttered.”

Luke chuckled. His nerves hadn’t disappeared, but he tried hard to ignore them. He felt out of place. He felt as though his head and his body did not exist on the same plane. He felt like he was caught in a dream. Or maybe it was a nightmare.

“Hey, Lu?” You yawned and curled yourself up in the passenger seat of his car.

Luke thought you looked too damn good. He wanted to tell you. “If you put your feet on my dash, I’ll kill you,” he said instead.

You mumbled something incoherent.

Luke slid his keys into the ignition. “Okay, well, that was not English,” he said, “but nice try.”

“Shut up. I’m tired.”

“I’m tired,” he mocked.

You hit his arm, and his laughter filled the small car. “I’ll kill you first. I was gonna ask you if we can get breakfast, but I changed my mind.”

Luke kept his eyes on the road ahead of him, but he ached to look over at you. He ached to take you in and memorize you like he had done over seven years ago. “We can get breakfast, babe,” he said quietly, glancing your way, and then he smiled. Your knees were pressed to your chest, and you had closed your eyes.

At the stop sign, Luke waited a moment to accelerate. The sunrise painted gold into the sky and onto your skin. He wondered if you had always looked this beautiful. He wondered if he had ever thought so before. All he could remember was the present, and every memory was drowned out by the soft scent of your perfume in his car.

The jean jacket you wore had been his once. He never saw how it looked on you. And he never imagined that the sight of you in it would one day take his breath away.

“Do you think I should leave it unbuttoned like this?”

“You’re really asking for my opinion on that?”

“Yes.”

You narrowed your gaze.

“Okay, you’re right,” he said, “unbuttoned it is.”

You rolled your eyes. “Love that my opinion is so valued.”

It had only been a day. Your body clock had yet to reset to the time difference, and you spent the afternoon prior knocked out on Luke’s bed with Petunia cuddled against your stomach. It hadn’t been a terrible way to nap, although your neck ached when you woke. The situation was still surreal. You still refused to believe you had traveled across the globe to visit someone you felt like you hardly knew. Except you did know him. He was Luke. He ate his gummy worms with peanut butter.

Yet, your eyes lingered on his figure on your way into his kitchen. You gazed a little too long when he talked about his plans with you. Whenever he nudged your shoulder or poked your arm, you thought about his touch for a few minutes after. It had only been a day.

And it didn’t take long for him to invite you out to a club.

You didn’t like the feeling of the leather seats against your thighs on the drive into the city. Your shorts had ridden up, and you had the sense that something about the night was off. It wasn’t the intoxicating fragrance of Luke’s cologne or the exposed bit of chest that drove you wild. It wasn’t the unbroken melody he sang loudly or the expensive boots that added an inch or two to his already-towering height. It was how expensive he looked–– how untouchable he was. You had thrift your jean shorts for $15, and Luke was missing a button off of his designer shirt. But there was something else about the night that bothered you, and you couldn’t quite place it. So, you belted along to his favorite songs and pretended as though you didn’t feel sick to your stomach.

Luke’s smile hardly faltered throughout the night. He introduced you to faces you assumed you would never see again, and then he would buy you another drink without asking. You could feel his energy, and not even the blasting bass could distract you from the weight of his laughter. He knew everyone, but it didn’t come as a shock. He had always loved people, and people had always loved him.

So, you sat quietly on the couch, feeling miles apart yet inches away at best. You twirled the tiny straw with two fingers and watched your old best friend bounce from person to person. He had a big heart, you told yourself, he loved people. But the thoughts never pushed down the sinking feeling that he had forgotten about you. It was halfway through the night, and you had been sitting alone for forty-seven minutes. Luke was nowhere to be seen.

You:

luke

You placed your phone in between your thighs. One single text had sent your heart into your throat, and you weren’t sure why. You weren’t sure why you felt so sick at the thought of his response.

You:

r u ok

where’d u go

A few strangers crowded around the couch Luke placed you at. It was his usual spot, he said. No one ever took his spot. But you sat alone, and not a soul cared to join you. They knew you didn’t belong here.

You:

string bean

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

I’m okay.

:-)

You sighed, letting your head rest against the leather cushion while you watched drunken interactions play out. A song you recognized played throughout the cramped club, and you wished you were anywhere else. You wished you were on a bench overlooking the ocean with a bag of tacos separating you and your friend. You wished you were on the bike path by your house, hand-in-hand with someone you had known all too well. You wished you hadn’t fallen witness to a life you had no part in. You wished you could be the person he wanted you to be.

You:

ok i’m just chillin

The empty glass from your drink had perspired onto the table. After a while, the heat of the room had melted the ice as well, and you were stuck wishing you could conjure up the courage to join the crowd. But you couldn’t. You felt out of place, like you didn’t quite belong. All eyes told you so. You carried on waiting, but you were no longer sure what it was you were waiting for.

You:

r u getting hungry

You stopped waiting for a response after fifteen minutes. Luke had left you for two hours in a club, in some town you had never been to before. He had left you, and you had only been with him for a day. An unsettling feeling grew in your stomach, but you wanted to reject it as much as you could. It was Luke, the boy who shot carrots out of his Nerf Guns but ended up giving himself a black eye. It had to be the same Luke.

You gathered up some strength to stand up. The battery on your phone had been roasted from too many games of Solitaire, and Luke still wasn’t answering your texts. You reached down for your sweating drink, but a pair of arms wrapped themselves around your shoulders before you could.

“Sleepy,” he said, smushing his face against your back. “Why do you smell like pancakes?”

Your body felt frozen beneath his touch. Every muscle tensed. “I don’t,” you replied. “Can we–– can we go? Is that okay?”

Luke’s arms slid off of you, and you could feel his presence now to the right of you. And for some reason, your head hurt at the thought of looking at him. Yet, you did. His curls had slicked down against his rosy, albeit shiny skin, and his eyes were red and droopy. For those few seconds, you weren’t sure why you had thought him attractive. But it quickly changed. He was looking at you, completely looking at you, and he could tell something was wrong.

“Yeah,” he said, his lips falling into a frown. “Course. You okay?”

You nodded and swallowed back the aching tears that threatened in your eyes. “Jet-lagged,” you mumbled. “That’s all.”

Luke nodded, too. “Okay. Yeah. We can go. I’ll get us an Uber.”

“What will you do about your car?”

He seemed to shrug it off, but it was hard to tell through the mass of sweaty bodies. “She’ll be fine. I’ll find a way to get her.”

“I’m sorry.” You hugged your arms close to your chest as the heat from the club transformed into the cool night air.

“No big deal,” said Luke. “Just another Uber trip to come get her. Then I can take her right back.”

“No, um, about leaving,” you responded. “I’m sorry that I wanted t’leave.”

Luke glanced at you from over his shoulder, brows furrowed and lip tugged between his teeth. “Don’t be, babe. I was gonna leave soon anyway.”

You nodded, and an uneasy silence settled in the air. You wished for the right words to say, but you brain went blank, and you found yourself counting cars that passed by.

“It’s really good to see you again,” said Luke after a while. His voice was low and hoarse, and it made you feel a new type of warmth. “Forgot what it was like t’be with you. It’s nice. Like a breath of fresh air.”

You smiled at him, but you knew that was all you could do.

“Missed you a lot.” He smiled at you, too, and through that smile, he whispered, “I’m just really happy you’re here.”

Luke thought it hurt to look at you. Because when he did, he was reminded of the person he had left behind, the person he could have been had he stayed. You reminded him of a lost potential within himself, and he didn’t like it. It made him feel dejected, like a lost cause. And looking at you caused much more pain than that. Looking at you was like looking at the world in color for the first time. He saw you differently, and he wondered if this was how he was always supposed to see you.

It was unavoidable— the dawning feeling that only worsened every day. You had only been with him for a week. A whole week of stealing glances and swallowing down irritant thoughts that a best friend shouldn’t have. A part of him felt like he couldn’t call himself that. He felt like he knew you, but he didn’t know you. He read your personality through words and not actions. Maybe it was time he opened his eyes to the person you had become.

Kermit the little bitch frog 🐸:

can u not send me tweets rn

u r literally right next to me

loser

Luke:

Can you not be rude?

Kermit the little bitch frog 🐸:

Luke:

Fight me.

Kermit the little bitch frog 🐸:

hehe ok

kinky

Luke:

Shut up

Kermit the little bitch frog 🐸:

i feel the sexual tension already

Luke took a breath and glanced your way. The afternoon had been spent with his friends; a brimming beer cup soirée spent around the fire in Calum’s backyard. And for some reason, Luke felt like an anomaly. He had better luck counting the hairs on his leg than concentrating on a single conversation. Meanwhile, you cradled your first drink of the night, torso hidden behind the heavy jean jacket he once owned. Beneath it, only a floral bathing suit covered you, and it was enough to make Luke wonder why he had bothered leaving home in the first place.

He couldn’t hear what his friends said, but he could focus in on every little thing about you. From the shape of your legs, all tucked in beneath you to the small smile you wore as you listened to his friends speak. Your hair had dried from the few minutes you spent in the pool, and after a while, you pulled it out of your face and up into a bun. Luke thought you looked pretty, and he knew it wasn’t the initial heat of the fire that warmed him.

But he couldn’t shake the feeling that something else was wrong. You were quiet––timid almost––while you gazed at the palm shadows against the sunset. Even beyond the smiles, you seemed lost. Luke wanted to know why.

Luke:

You hungry?

Kermit the little bitch frog 🐸:

fucking starving

tell cal to get better snacks

Luke:

Lol.

I want tacos

Kermit the little bitch frog 🐸:

yoooooooooooooo

can we get tacos?

Luke:

Let’s get some fucking tacos

You hadn’t realized how hard it would be.

Luke started a new life for himself seven years prior, and it messed up your world for a while. It had messed up plans and memories you wanted to make with him. You started your own life without the company of your best friend, but he was still a text message away whenever you needed. Because he was still your friend. He still told you every little detail about his life. You knew how things had changed for him, whether they were for better or worse.

You hadn’t realized you would one day face the life he chose for himself. You hadn’t realized how hard it would be. He was the same, but he was so different. Being here simply acted as a reminder that you no longer fit into his life.

It came to you in heavy waves. When the overall reality hit, it hit like a sheet of sadness. You were washed over by emotions while Luke carried on about his favorite restaurant in Italy. You had never been to Italy or France or Spain. You had never been on grandiose adventures, not like Luke. It only hurt because you wished you had been by his side.

The two of you swung by his place for a change of clothes. There was an unexplainable silence that you chose not to break. You felt as though any word from your lips would feel forced, so you kept quiet instead. When you walked back out into the living room in an old tee and leggings, Luke was already there. He was already waiting for you in the patchy jean jacket that you treasured simply because it once belonged to him.

“Still fits, I guess,” he said, and you smiled. It was like old times, so you took a picture of the moment. Luke shot a goofy grin your way, and you had to pretend like it didn’t make your stomach flutter.

“Are there are any taco places you know of that are still open?” you asked Luke after settling into the car. You kept your hands pressed between your thighs. “I’m not really feeling like shitting my pants at a Taco Bell.”

Luke laughed. “Yeah, I know a place.” He turned on the ignition, and right off the bat, a song by The Summer Set began to blast through the speakers. And it felt like a tension had been swept away with the music.

He kept the windows down as you drove, his one hand firm on the wheel and the other out against the breeze. When he sang, he sang low. You couldn’t find it in yourself to sing at all. You could hardly look at him. Yet, you had given into temptation. You gazed at him during the verses and glanced away at the choruses, letting the city lights seep in while you listened to his soft voice. Luke drummed on the wheel during the upbeat melodies, and you found yourself reminiscing on old memories no matter how much you wanted to repress them.

He had always been an awkward kid. The heart on his sleeve never faded or splintered–– it just grew with each passing day. His presence made any form of discomfort wash away, and it still felt that way now. But, as people do, he had changed, and you struggled to find the good in everything. Around you, it was the same Luke you knew. Around others, he had built up a façade for himself. It broke your heart.

Street lamps glistened against the pavement as rain drizzled down. It didn’t last long, and the droplets on the windshield soon dried, but it left an earthy petrichor in the air. A comforting scent that only came with rain. The breeze slipped through your fingers, and you soon felt the words of familiar songs bubble in your chest. They left your lips a second later just as you began to smile. There was something oddly beautiful about the melancholy moment.

So, Luke sang loudly, his hands hitting the wheel while you cried your favorite lyrics. It all came rushing back, and the sorrow melted away. You wished Luke had never left, but you were happy to have this night with him.

You unwrapped your taco on your lap. “I’m not gonna tell you you’re wrong for putting that much sour cream on your taco,” you said, kicking your feet out on the stone wall before you, “but you disgust me.”

The waves crashed along the shoreline in the distance, and the beach was dark and eerie. It didn’t matter that it was ten o’clock at night–– the nearby park was busy and loud.

“Oh, I forgot to ask,” said Luke, “is it okay if I put sour cream on my taco?”

You kicked his thigh as he broke out in hysterics, and you thought, this is it–– this is what I’ve been waiting for.

“If you get that shit on my jacket, I’ll kill you,” you responded, meanwhile taking an unattractive bite out of the hard shell of your taco. Shredded cheese fell to the ground below.

“Isn’t it technically my jacket?”

You shrugged “Maybe if you had actually bothered keeping it.”

Luke let out a small gasp, and a large dollop of sour cream plopped against the wrapping on his lap. “Maybe if you were smart enough, you’d realize I let you keep it.”

“Oh, shit. That stings.”

“Good.”

“Fuck you,” you said with a laugh. “I deserved to keep it. I was the one who added all of those patches anyway.”

Luke furrowed his brows. “Not true. I added––“ He twisted around and pointed at a small bunny patch on the shoulder. “––this one.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” you said, sarcasm dripping from your tongue. “You deserve more credit for the tiny bunny patch you found on the side of the road.”

“Thank you.” Luke sighed and grinned, sending a wink your way before biting into his sour cream-coated taco.

You watched the hard-shell crack and fall apart beneath his grip, and you watched as he pouted once the food hit his lap. You stared for too long, burning the image of him in your brain until you were confident it was permanently in there. It burned a little too hot and for a little too long. It continued to burn along the highway while the waves stirred beside you. You were nestled between the hills and the ocean, a cute boy to your left and a strip of heaven laid down before you.

Luke drove for an hour, taking exit after exit until he pulled off near the mouth of a lake in the mountains. The air was stale yet breezy, and exhaustion overwhelmed you. But you kept your eyes from drooping just so you could keep looking at the person you hadn’t realized you missed.

“Come home soon,” you whispered into the dark night. Bugs and other creatures hummed in the distance, meanwhile, you kicked up the crumbled pavement and leaned back against his car. “It hasn’t been home without you.”

Luke let out a quiet laugh, but it was muffled between his lips. “Gonna get all sappy on me now, huh, babe?” he asked, but his smile soon fell when his head turned to face you. He swallowed and faced the stagnant water ahead. “I wanna come home,” he said, “but I feel like I don’t belong there anymore.”

“You’ve always belonged.”

Luke didn’t speak.

“I don’t belong here,” you said, fiddling with the hem of your shirt. You had expected an outrageous reaction, something that assured you that he thought you did belong. But he stayed quiet. “This whole city, this place, it’s–– I mean it’s wonderful. I love it. But it’s not me.”

“It’s weird to have you here,” said Luke. His voice had lowered into a faint hush, yet you felt it in your bones. “Not bad weird. You’re just home. You feel like home. I’m not used to that here.”

“You’re home,” you mumbled.

Luke didn’t waste another moment. He pulled you into a hug, one that reminded you of teenage years and restless late nights. It reminded you of a warmth you lost, of strong arms that hadn’t held you in seven years. His chest expanded with each breath, and you listened closely to the air as it left his lips. And then you couldn’t help but dig your fingers into the rough denim along his back. You couldn’t help but press yourself against his chest in order to feel his heartbeat in sync with yours. You ached to embrace his scent–– you ached to embrace everything about him.

There was something in the air as you pulled away, something thicker than the hint of humidity. Whatever it was, you had trouble letting go of Luke. It felt like you had stood there for ages, just staring at his chest and holding onto his waist as if your life depended on it. You felt like crying, and you felt nervous. Something about his presence made you nervous.

When you looked up, Luke had already been looking down at you. A small smile was playing on his lips, and you could hardly see the twinkle in his eye through the dark night. But you weren’t focusing on his eyes. You focused in on that smile, the one that stretched his smooth, pink lips just slightly. The one that kindled some spark in your chest, and you couldn’t look away.

Luke placed a hand on your jaw, his long, slim fingers cradling you in a soft manner. “You okay?” he asked breathily.

You replayed his words in your head and thought about the ways his lips moved around them. No, you weren’t okay. But you didn’t mind the feeling.

“Yeah,” you whispered. You could feel your heartbeat in your ears. At the same time, it felt like you couldn’t breathe. The desire to kiss him was overwhelming, and it ached and ached. You tightened your grip on his waist, eyes flickering back up to where his lips had pulled into a concerned pout.

Luke let out a breath and tugged his bottom lip between his teeth. His fingers were firm on the back of your head, and then he pulled you in. His lips were on yours, hard yet passion-filled, and neither of you could move. But when he ran out of air, Luke pulled away slowly. His top lip brushed yours as he moved, yet the pressure never left. It still felt like he was kissing you.

Luke had kissed you. And you hadn’t wanted him to stop.

You smiled, fingers toying with the opening of his jean jacket as you glanced down at your shoes. “That was new,” you said lowly.

He laughed, meanwhile running his thumb along the apple of your cheek. It made you feel safe. “Sure was,” he mumbled. “Not bad, though.”

“No,” you replied, looking up. His gaze was intense, but it was the kind of intensity that summoned butterflies. You shrugged. “Not bad at all.”

“Good,” said Luke. “Cos I was plannin’ on kissing you again, but I wasn’t sure if we were on the same page, or––“

You tugged him in and leaned forward to press your lips on his again. You felt him smile against the kiss, and you had to smile, too. Luke’s opposite hand met your other cheek as the kiss deepened. You didn’t mind it–– you had no reason to mind it. In fact, you loved it. You craved it. It was warm and soft, and it made your toes curl. His lips felt like velvet. The heat crawled up into your chest, but the kiss soon ended before the moment carried on.

You felt lighter than air. Small puffs of air escaped your lips while you tried to laugh. And Luke was laughing, too. You were each other’s best friend, and you had kissed.

“Wanna keep driving?” Luke asked you, tracing your bottom lip with the pad of his thumb.

You grinned and nodded before pecking his lips. And then you skipped over to the passenger seat to once again fill the night with new memories to be made.

Luke grabbed your hand and laced your fingers with his while The Summer Set continued to blast throughout his car. It felt good to touch you, to finally feel you after all of these years. For some reason, he craved your touch even more now. It had only been a week, yet Luke quickly realized the effect you had on him. It had never been like this before, and he was relieved to know you felt the same way, too. He couldn’t get enough of you.

He wanted every piece of you.

“Should we head back home?” you asked at around two in the morning, lips red from the 7-Eleven slushie you were slurping.

Luke smiled at your appearance. His heart swelled at the sight of you so comfortable in his company. It made him want to hold you and never let go. “You gettin’ tired, babe?”

You giggled. “Never said that.”

Luke’s face physically ached from the weight of his grin.

“I like it when you call me that,” you said.

“Hm?”

“When you call me ‘babe’,” you spoke. “I like it.”

Luke felt a chill rush over him. He wanted to call you “babe” every single fucking day–– he never wanted to stop. “Yeah, babe?”

You hummed.

Luke’s hand instinctively reached out to place itself on your thigh, and he froze. But you didn’t react. When he looked over, your smile hadn’t left.

“Is this okay?” he asked you, fingers burning and shifting against your leggings. His eyes left the road for a split second to watch you nod. Luke smiled again and squeezed your thigh, emitting a quick squeal from you. The sound was music to his ears, and he couldn’t believe how fast he had fallen for everything about you.

The silence that fell over was comfortable.

“Is this what Brian felt like when he wrote Passenger Seat?” you asked after a while.

Luke glanced at you, smile still wide as he slowly replied, “it’s exactly what he felt.”

He took you down to a small beach off of the beaten path after that. The waves were loud, almost violent as he kept his hand firmly locked with yours. The breeze had picked up, but he could still hear your teeth chattering through the gusts.

“Gosh, sure is nice to have a jacket to keep me warm right now,” said Luke while he set himself down into the sand.

“Sh-shut the fuck up,” you muttered, plopping right beside him. “You’re such a fucking j-jackass.”

Luke laughed and took off his jacket, nevertheless. You pulled it over you before falling against him, head nestling onto his shoulder as you brought your knees up for warmth.

“It’s so dark,” you said a few moments later. “Did you come here to murder me?”

“How’d you know?” gasped Luke.

You shoved him away, he only tugged you in closer. You set your head on his lap, and the two of you sat there for thirty minutes in complete silence. He hadn’t wanted to stay quiet–– he had so many things bouncing about in his brain, but he couldn’t find it in himself to say a single word. He couldn’t tell you that this week had been the best week of his entire life, and he couldn’t beg you to stay. He couldn’t keep you in a city you hated to be in.

It had hurt to hear you say that, but he didn’t disagree. Los Angeles didn’t fit you; it never would, no matter how much he wanted you to stay with him. You belonged in comforting towns, ones filled with life and love but held hopes and dreams high. You belonged with him, yet he wasn’t sure where he belonged either. It was too painful to think about.

So, Luke kissed your forehead and ran his fingers along your arm. If he could hold you forever, then he wouldn’t have to think about anything else. He wouldn’t have to think about saying goodbye to you within the next week. He wouldn’t have to think about losing all of the built-up feelings that had surfaced within the past few days. He wouldn’t have to think about losing you.

You were curled up in the passenger seat of his car on the ride home. Your eyes had succumbed to exhaustion at the beach, and he carried you all the way back without stirring you awake. It filled his heart with so much love to see you so calm and peaceful–– he wanted to take you home and hold you for the rest of his life. But he couldn’t do that. He buckled you in, kissed your forehead once more, and then drove home in silence. It left him alone with his thoughts, and he didn’t like that.

“Lu?” Your eyes fluttered open as he unbuckled you and prepared to take you into his home.

“Mornin’, darling,” he said, cracking a smile.

You hummed. “You don’t have t’carry me,” you said, “but thank you.” You rubbed at your tired eyes, and he grabbed your hands to help lift you out of the car. You fell against him and pulled him into a tight hug.

He chuckled, but he didn’t say anything. He just held you close.

“I’ve missed you so much,” you mumbled into his shirt. You leaned back to look up at him.

Luke smiled, and he felt like the luckiest man in the world. He kissed you softly before pulling you back into a hug. “I’ve missed you, too.”

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

On my way home.

Still okay with going to the party?

You:

ya i wanna black out and vomit in a pool

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

Please do not do that.

You:

don’t poop on my party

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

It’s technically not your party

You:

party pooper

stinky pooper

ur stinky

lukey “red lobster isn’t that bad” hemmings:

You’re stinky.

You:

yes

The next day was weird.

It felt like the night prior had been some drug-induced dream filled with romcom storylines inside a coming-of-age film. It was an old memory resurfaced–– a moment you had shared with him many years prior. Things changed so suddenly.

And neither of you spoke of it. You didn’t know how to. At the same time, you weren’t sure you wanted to.

It had been beautiful in the moment, but thinking back, you weren’t sure it had been a good idea. Luke was Luke, a famous rock star living among the elites in Lost Angeles, and you were a shell of a best friend, old remnants of a life he used to live. You weren’t the one for him, and you never had been. He had too many choices before him; he wouldn’t choose his best friend.

A friend was hosting a birthday party, one you assumed would involve a cake and stupid decorations, perhaps presents as well. But the house was packed upon arrival, and it felt more like a frat party than anything. You wished you had known, yet you fisted the skirt of your black dress and ambled in behind Luke, feeling more like a lost puppy than ever.

Because he had always been a people person. He had always loved people.

You lost him at some point in the night. You scoured the premises, searching for his bright red button-down amongst the sea of illustrious eyes. And then there was you, looking sad and somewhat angry while you searched for your best friend. He had done this only a week ago. He had left you to fend for yourself against a pack of B-list wolves. You hardly felt human in comparison.

Sweat had accumulated against your back while you wandered the crowded rooms. You admired the architecture through a Mike’s Hard haze, wishing you had left town when Luke did to maybe make a name for yourself in and amongst the wealthy. The guilt would have eaten you alive; it would have been all at Luke’s expense.

You found him in the kitchen at one point during the night. He stood there with his friends crowded around, a dazzling yet drunken smile etched on his features, and it seemed as though his eyes alone lit the whole room. The knot building in your stomach was uncomfortable. His laugh echoed, and you had to excuse yourself before he could glance your way.

So, you wandered again and retraced your steps, wondering if you would ever know your place in a world this big. It felt like you never would.

You hadn’t gotten black-out drunk, nor did you vomit in a stranger’s pool. Instead, you sat by that pool with your feet plunged into the illuminated water, fingers still cradling the neck of your lemonade while you listened to strangers talk. The bright blue below made you feel sick, so you stared up at the light-polluted sky and hoped for the night to be over soon.

And then there was a tap on your shoulder.

“Jesus Christ–– thought I lost ya for good,” said Luke, voice hoarse and slurred while he slumped down onto the brick beside you. He stuck his feet in the water without rolling up his pants.

“Nope,” you mumbled. “Been here.”

Luke was smiley, and the freckles on his nose seemed more prominent under the teal hue from the pool.

“Where’d you go?” you asked him, yet your heart ached at the thought of him leaving you the way he did. “I’ve been looking for you.”

“Uh, y’know.” Luke shrugged. “This, there, n’ that.”

You shook your head. “No. I don’t know.”

“I’ve been looking for you,” said Luke, fingers running along the surface of the water before gently splashing your knees. “Wanted t’show my girl around. People kept asking ‘bout you.”

“Your–– your girl?” The words rattled around in your brain, but at the moment, they didn’t settle quite right. They would have sounded wonderful the night prior. But you weren’t property. You weren’t his girl.

Luke glanced at you, eyes shiny and dark, and his lips tugged into a lazy smile. He smelled of whiskey sour and bourbon, a combination that made your stomach churn. You admitted his proximity intimidated you, and you admitted that you wanted nothing more than to go back to last night.

Suddenly, Luke was leaning in to kiss you, and all you could do was push him back. It had been sloppy and wet. It had been wrong.

You couldn’t speak.

“Sorry?” he asked. His eyebrows scrunched together.

You stood quickly, reaching down to fix your dress before you walked off. Luke was hot on your tail.

“I thought you were cool with that!” he exclaimed as he stomped through the grass behind you. A few strangers turned their heads, so you faced him and kept him close. “Did last night mean anything to you?”

“Yes,” you said flatly. “Last night meant everything to me. But last night means nothing now. It has to mean nothing now.”

Luke laughed and ran his fingers through his hair. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Us, Luke,” you said, holding out your arms. “We’ve been best friends for like, ten years, and suddenly that changes in one night. Maybe if we were on similar paths, it would actually work. But it doesn’t work, Luke. It just doesn’t. Not for us.”

His face relaxed, and his lips pulled into a frown. “Not for us?” he whispered. “What does that even mean?”

“It means that you’re you,” you said, “and I’m me. We live on two different parts of the world, and we still don’t know where we belong. It’s not the right time–– if there’s even a right time at all.” You hugged your bare arms as a light breeze blew over.

“Who fucking cares?”

“I care,” you replied.

Luke let out an exasperated sigh. “Fucking hell,” he mumbled, laughing lightly. “Why do you have t’care? Just say fuck it. Do what you fuckin’ want.”

“No, Luke, I can’t just do that––“

“God, you’re being so annoying.”

You blinked. “I’m–– what?”

Luke blanched and swallowed. “Nothing.”

“I’m being so annoying?” you asked with a smirk. “Oh, wow. Okay. Sorry. I guess I’ll stop being so annoying then.”

“No,” said Luke. “I didn’t mean that.”

“You can’t take it back.”

“Please.” His eyes widened, and his sincerity radiated off of him. “I didn’t––“

“What did you mean?”

“What?”

You sighed. Your stomach hurt, and you wanted to just go home. “If you didn’t mean it, then what did you mean?”

Luke shrugged. “Just think you’re being kinda unreasonable.”

“What?” you questioned. “Because I don’t like it here?”

“Because you’re not open to trying!” yelled Luke.

His raised voice made your heart stop. It made every built-up emotion ache to release in an instant. But you wouldn’t let yourself cry. “I want to try,” you said weakly. “I wanna try so badly. But I wanna be happy, Lu.”

He folded his arms over his chest.

“I’m happy with you,” you continued. “But I’m not gonna be happy here. As much as I like being with you, it’s not gonna cancel any of that out.”

Luke didn’t reply. He stared at you, eyes glazed and emotionless.

“I’m gonna go home,” you said.

“Okay.”

You nodded. “I mean, home home.”

Luke’s eyes filled with another unreadable emotion. “Why?”

You sighed again, but this time, you felt annoyed as well. You felt like every feeling from the night prior had dripped from your shoulders. You felt like it had all gone down the drain. “I don’t belong here,” you said.

“Yes, you fucking do!”

“I’m going home,” you repeated, this time harsher as your eyes brimmed with tears.

Luke’s composure fell. There was silence for a moment, and then he nodded. He nodded twice. “Okay,” he mumbled. “Okay.”

Luke had been peeling the skin from around his nails.

The two days following the party had been spent in heavy tension. It took every ounce of him to not bring it up–– he wanted to talk about everything he had said, yet the more time that passed, the more he forgot. But he remembered every change in your expression, and his stomach churned at the thought of him upsetting you the way he did. He wanted to take it all back.

You didn’t mention it either. You packed up your belongings quietly, and he didn’t bother you. He didn’t bother exhausting you over words that meant little in the grand scheme of things. Because as much as he wanted you to stay, he knew that you had no choice. In a perfect world, he could drop everything for you. In a perfect world, he could settle down and be with you for the rest of his life. Nobody made decisions in the span of a week, but he wished he could.

He saw you. He didn’t want to see anyone else.

Luke drank his coffee cold on your last day. It stained his white shirt, yet he kept his feet planted against the tiles in his kitchen. He didn’t go change because you were back in the guest room, and he knew that his chest would hurt the sight of you. He knew he would try to say things to make you stay. He knew that they would fail.

He heard the wheels of your suitcase before he saw you. And then you were there, jean jacket draped over your arm while you waited for him to speak up. Luke didn’t know how to talk anymore. He only felt dejection.

“My flight leaves in four hours,” you said, grip tightening around the handle of your suitcase.

Luke nodded. He wanted to believe you were sad, too. He wanted to believe you still thought about that night only days ago.

“I can call a cab,” you continued with a shrug. A light-hearted shrug that felt out-of-place.

He shook his head. “I’ll take you,” he said, but his voice was weak.

“Okay.”

And the familiar silence clicked back into place. It wasn’t supposed to feel like this. It hadn’t felt like this before. Leaving you at sixteen was full of smiles and “see-you-soon”’s. But with you leaving now, it felt like you were leaving for good.

Luke nodded again. “Okay.”

The ride to the airport was quiet. It was a sickening quiet, one that brought on the urge to cry and scream. He wanted to yell at himself for being so fucking ridiculous. His fingers tensed against the steering wheel.

When Luke parked the car, the words “I’m sorry” tumbled from his lips.

You glanced over. “What for?”

A part of him wanted to laugh. You knew the exact reasons why he felt sorry.

But he just shrugged. “For throwing you into my life,” he said. “It was selfish of me. I didn’t think about how it would make you feel.”

“You didn’t mean it like that,” you replied. “I know you didn’t. You were just showing me your life.”

“But it was too much.”

You nodded. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry.”

You gave Luke a small, sad smile before reaching over and grabbing his hand. You intertwined your fingers with his.

“If it’s okay,” you said, “I’d still like to be a part of your life.”

Luke smiled, too. “Yeah,” he breathed out. “It’s always okay.”

You felt sick.

You held Luke’s hand on your way into the airport, and you dreaded letting go. You dreaded the idea of possibly never feeling his touch again. You weren’t saying goodbye for good, but it felt like you were.

“Here’s where I leave you,” he mumbled, voice breaking at the last few words, and his grip on your hand loosened.

You refused to let him go. When you turned around, Luke’s façade had chipped. His eyes welled with tears, and soon enough, yours had, too. You pushed yourself against him in a tight embrace, arms meeting around his neck while his wrapped around your waist. The tears slipped down your cheeks before you could stop them.

You wondered why it was so hard. You wondered why it hurt so much.

You held him for as long as you could before losing your balance. Yet, when you pulled away, you didn’t let go of him. You stood on your toes to brush your nose against his.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, clutching the collar of his shirt as you pressed your lips to his through tear slicked cheeks.

Luke held you closer, and this time, he didn’t let you pull away. His lips were warm and wet, but it was perfect. Everything about him was perfect. It hurt so much. You wanted to kiss him forever.

When all air ceased, Luke rested his forehead against yours, and you could feel his own tears falling against your skin. His breath was hot on your lips. And then you pulled him in again, teeth clashing in a hard yet heartbreaking kiss. You didn’t care–– you just needed to feel his lips again.

“Don’t leave,” he mumbled.

Your arms weakened around his shoulders, hands soon resting on his chest as you began to move away. It hurt to smile, but you did it anyway. “Gonna miss you, Squid,” you said, and your eyes watered once more.

Luke sniffed, and as your hand cupped his cheek, he leaned into you. He let out a breath. “Gonna miss you, too,” he said.

Your hand fell back to your side. “Well,” you said, swallowing down the tears that threatened to spill. You shot him another smile. “I’ll let you know when I land.”

He nodded. “Yeah, um––“ He scratched the back of his head. “Thank you.”

So, you nodded, too. “See you soon, String Bean.”

And finally, Luke smiled, too.

You gathered your belongings and slowly made your way to the security line, stomach twisting as your thoughts invaded. You couldn’t shake the negative feelings away. Every glance over your shoulder reminded you that you didn’t want to say goodbye. Every step felt erroneous. You looked back at Luke.

He waved at you, and your chest caved in.

It was wrong. Everything was wrong.

Your eyes scanned the line and the many travelers waiting with their tickets in hand. You looked at the agents who seemed less than pleased to be there that day. And finally, you locked your gaze back on Luke again, and your heart tugged.

It was wrong.

So, you left the line and walked back over to him, and he watched you the entire time.

“I’m sure there’s a later flight,” you sputtered out, heart pounding in your chest while a grin spread on his cheeks. You smiled in return.

“Yeah,” he said, laughing. “I’m sure there is.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck again and kissed him until your head spun. It finally felt so right.

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conrad-x-odair · 3 years

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( tom hiddleston, 38, cismale, he / him, (November 18th) Was that CONRAD ODAIR? I heard a rumor they work for the FAUST family, but who knows for sure ? They can be a bit SULLEN & TEMPERAMENTAL, but I also heard they can be CHARISMATIC & HONORABLE. You’ll usually find them at THE PINT in their spare time, when they’re not being an BLACK MARKET GUNSMITH & CARCANOS. You may want to keep an eye on that one !

“ʏᴏᴜ’ᴠᴇ ɢᴏᴛ ᴇɴᴇᴍɪᴇꜱ? ɢᴏᴏᴅ. ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴇᴀɴꜱ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ’ᴠᴇ ꜱᴛᴏᴏᴅ ᴜᴘ ꜰᴏʀ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ, ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴛɪᴍᴇ ɪɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʟɪꜰᴇ”

- B A S I C -

Full Name: Conrad Barthelemy Odair Age: 38 Occupation: Black Market Gunsmith / Arm’s Dealer Frequented Locations: Port of Chicago, Tony’s Guns and Sporting Good, Cook’s Gun Range, Wolves, The Den, The Pint, Faust Manor Gang Affiliation: Faust Gang Role: Carcanos Birthday: November 18th Zodiac: Scorpio Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

- F A M I L Y -

Father: Edmund Odair (deceased) Mother: Ursula Harker-Odair (deceased) Sibling(s): Three younger sisters and a younger brother (22 - 36) Uncle: Patrick Harker (deceased) Children: 2 - Son, Ellis (7) & Daughter, Cora (3) Significant Other: Estranged Wife

- P E R S O N A L I T Y -

(+) Charismatic, Friendly, Amorous, Honorable, Persuasive (-) Pedantic, Neurotic, Temperamental, Resentful, Manipulative

- L I K E S / D I S L I K E S -

Globetrotting / Traveling

Hiking

Thrill Seeker - Reckless Driving (Need For Speed style), Cliff Climbing, B.A.S.E. Jumping, Skydiving, Free Soloing

Going to the gym

Going down to the shooting range

Tinkering with machinery and mechanics

Woodworking

Sketching

Day Drinking

Cooking

- B I O G R A P H Y -

Conrad was born in London, England and spent most of his earlier years there, alongside his four younger siblings and his parents, before eventually being sent to live in Chicago, IL.

His father, Edmund, owned a construction company and his mother, Ursula, was a housewife who also ran a hair salon side business from their home, so they weren’t exactly wealthy but they certainly got by just fine. His father’s company made pretty good money, more than enough to support the family of seven.

That, of course, changed when Conrad was fourteen. His father was tragically killed while on a job, when he accidentally lost his footing and fell from the eighth floor of a hotel he and his crew were in the process of building.

Edmund’s death devastated the family and it’s what inevitably tore them apart. Left with many bills and a lot of debt from her husband’s death and unable to cope with the stress of trying to support herself and her five children on her own meager salary, Ursula sent the oldest three of her children - Conrad and two of his sisters - to America, specifically Chicago, to live with her older brother, Patrick.

Life in America and with his uncle was...interesting and enlightening, to say the least, but by no means was it something he initially welcomed. As a young teenager, fresh of of mourning for his father and having just been shipped away by his mother - leaving him with the feeling of being abandoned by her - Conrad lost it. He developed severe anger, attachment and abandonment issues towards the world around him. He grew extremely close to his sisters, and oddly enough to his insanely strict uncle, but he had a hard time trusting anyone else outside of his now small family unit. He had very few friends and the friends he did have were not great influences.

He became unruly and reckless, daredevilling it through his teen years (and beyond) by chasing thrills and the accompanied adrenalin rush, while steadfastly ignoring all risks to himself and to others. He was a total speed demon and an acrophile (a lover of heights) - so he loved getting into his car and driving as fast as he possibly could, which resulted in a lot of reckless driving charges, and he would climb to the highest points of the city on dares from his friends just to spray paint stupid and immature messages where literally nobody else could see them - just to prove that he could and because he wasn’t afraid.

That wasn’t the only trouble he would get up to, however. He was often getting into fights, rebelling against every sort of authority figure who dared to try and curb his behavior, whilst acting impulsive and breaking many laws behind their backs by committing minor crimes like petty larceny and vandalism.

Conrad became a smug and very smart-assed delinquent and he reveled in it. Even getting arrested a few times and being forced under house arrest for six months and probation for another six, and having to serve community service didn’t deter his behavior - despite his uncle trying to beat some type of sense into his thick skull on many occasions.

It wasn’t until he got his first real job as a dockhand down at the Port of Chicago at 17 (forced upon him by his uncle), where he got introduced to the Faust gang and their illegal smuggling, that he learned to moderately quell his ‘I do what I want, when I want’ attitude. He eventually joined the gang, going through the initiation at 18.

He has been with the Fausts for going on 20 years now. He started out working mainly down at the port helping with loading and unloading shipments, although nowadays, his days as a mere longshoreman were pretty much over.

Sure, he was still heavily involved in the Fausts’ smuggling business, but he is mainly focused on gunsmithing for the Fausts and also selling his work on the black market.

He designs and hand-crafts all of his guns, and he also does gun repairs and makes custom modifications to them. Most, if not all, of the work he does is extremely illegal.

Conrad learned how to make guns from his uncle, Patrick, who had been an engineer and gunsmith for 40-odd years, having owned his own smithy and artillery repair shop.

Even though Conrad more or less mentored under his uncle when it came to learning the art of craft of firearms, that wasn’t to say that the old man himself was by any means a kind and gentle soul. Patrick Harker was very much an old school 'tough love' kind of guy, who was beyond strict and had no qualms with throwing fists and verbal punches and generally using a heavy hand whenever it came to dealing with his unruly nephew. Patrick had high expectations for Conrad, he saw the potential the young man had and refused to let him get away unpunished with his shitty behavior. He might not have gone about it the best way, but his intentions had certainly been good.

Despite Uncle Patrick’s rough handling and borderline abusive tendencies, Conrad eventually learned to greatly respect and appreciate the old man. He came to realize just how much the man actually cared for him - which turned out to be a lot more than his mother did...and that meant something.

Throughout his early and mid-20′s, Conrad spent most of his time working, honing his craft and of course charming his way through women.

He was a serial romantic - he loved and laid with more women than he could ever care to admit; the idea of settling down and actually committing to a single person for the rest of his life was something he truly abhorred.

That is, until he met his now estranged wife. He met her while at Faust party and there was just something about her that had him utterly smitten and forgetting all his previous reservations on relationships and long term commitments. The two got married within a year and a half and started a family of their own immediately.

Of course, it didn’t taken them long after their wedding to realize their relationship was perhaps not as healthy and happy as it should have been. Their lust blinded them from seeing just how incompatible they were for each other. With his still lingering attachment issues and terrible temper and her own stubborn and hotheadedness, their fights were often quite explosive. They loved each other, that much was obvious - and their attraction for the other was still intense and unmatched - but their clashing personalities were too volatile.

It was after the birth of their second and last child, Cora, that they finally called it quits. That was three years ago.

- W A N T E D C O N N E C T I O N S -

Toxic Estranged Wife (and casual hookup) - They’ve been separated or two and a half years. They have a strong love/hate relationship - their fights are often very intense and loud and leave the two of them extremely hurt and angry, and yet it usually ends with them in bed together somehow. Angry sex, passional sex, lust-filled. They do love each other, but at the end of the day their relationship was fueled more by their lust than any other actual feelings. It was definitely not healthy, and so for their children’s sake and also for themselves, they decided to separate. Still married for the time being, but no longer living together.

Younger Sisters / brother - Conrad has three sisters and one younger brother. Two of his sisters (the oldest two - between the ages of 32-35) came with him to Chicago when he was 14, while the youngest sister and his brother (between the ages of 24-28) never left England. Conrad is very close with the first two, but has no real relationship with the youngest siblings.

Flings / One-Nighters

Love Interest(s)

Faust Affiliates

Rival Gang / Enemies

Drinking Buddies

Best Friends / Friends

ANY AND ALL CONNECTIONS! I’m open and down to do whatever!

#crimson.intro #this probably has like #a million typos #but i'm posting it anyways because it's taking me #way too long to finish

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calmdowncaleb · 4 years

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Task #006 - Love Alphabet

A : AFFECTION. how does your muse show affection?

Caleb is a very cuddly boy. If he likes someone he will hang on them, hold their hand, give kisses (it doesn’t matter if they are in a relationship or not), and lots of cuddles. Some may call him clingy. He just sees is as very lovey and cuddly.

B : BOUQUET. does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

No, Caleb doesn’t like flowers. He has always thought it was a strange thing to give flowers. You have to take care of them and they die anyway. He would rather give something lasting to someone he cares for.

C : CHOCOLATE. does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

Caleb likes chocolate in things. He won’t eat a chocolate bar plain. But chocolate milk is one of his favourite drinks. His favourite thing snack with chocolate in it are Choco Pies. Think of a Moon Pie or a Wagon Wheel but fluffier.

D : DATE. what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

Caleb is a very simple boy and his idea date is going to the arcade with someone. Competing in games, winning prizes for each other, before eating pizza and fires. He doesn’t like traditional dates such as fancy dinners or going to the movies. Dinner dates have too much pressure to be good and too much time to have awkward silences--which Caleb is very good at. Movie dates are very impersonal.

E : EMBRACE. does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

Caleb may be small but he is great a giving hugs. Most of the time, he rocks with the other person during hugs. Also most of the time, since he’s rather short, it’s his head resting on the other person’s shoulder.

F : FLIRT. is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

Caleb is the most awkward flirt if he is actively trying to flirt. He tends to make bad jokes and laugh too loudly. When he’s flirting without realizing it, which he does a lot of the time without even realize it, he just acts cute. No trying to get the person, just being himself. Which is cute.

G : GIFT. is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?

Caleb struggles a little bit at giving gifts. He tends to spend more money than he needs to, buying multiple things, hoping one of them will be right. Then he ends up giving the person a Christmas morning’s worth of presents.

H : HEART. is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

He is rather trusting in others, letting anyone who bats their eyelashes at him into his heart only to have it stomped on in the end .Thank you, Abra.

I : I LOVE YOU. does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

Those words are very hard for him to say. He has only said it to two people outside of his family. And one of them was Minseok, his best friend from back in Korea, who might as well be his brother. The only other person he said it to way Teddy. There have been other people he loves, he just can’t bring himself to say the words for some reason.

J : JEALOUSY. does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

Yes. Caleb Kim is a little green eyed monster. Go look at the ski trip if you need an example.

K : KISS. is your muse a good kisser? why / why not?

He could use a little practice. Caleb is an awkward boy and during the first kiss with someone that can come through. Think of the first kiss you ever had. Yeah, Caleb kind of relives that with the first kiss with someone knew.

L : LOVE. who does your muse love?

His mom. His brother. Reluctantly, his sister. Not his dad. His grandma. Minnie. Axel. Kenzie. Teddy. Isak. All in different ways, mind you.

M : MOONLIGHT. what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

This is the same question as “DATE”

N : NAUGHTY. what is your muse like in bed?

He’s kind of a different person in bed. He enjoys sex in somewhat unorthodox places. He’s a power bottom. He’ll take what he wants but doesn’t talk much. Kink isn’t really his thing, although he really likes his hair being pulled.

O : ODE. does your muse have a way with words?

No. Not at all. Not in English or Korean. He’s a mess when it comes to words.

P : PARTNER. what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

Someone who likes him. A heartbeat. Caleb doesn’t have a type and he doesn’t look for anything in particular. Every relationship he had been in, it just kind of happened. A connection was formed and then boom, dating.

Q : QUESTION. would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

Caleb would be nervous, but he would still be the one to ask the question. Probably a few months later than his partner wants, but if he’s asking he wants to be sure.

R : ROMANCE. is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

He’s somewhere in between. A lot of the things he does are for selfish reasons, but he tries very hard to make the people he dates happy. His own ego just gets in the way...a lot so he comes off as a lot more cynic than he is.

S : SWEETHEART. did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

Not in the slightest. His longest relationship was eight months. It was when he was 14 and it was completely awful.

T : TRUE LOVE. does your muse believe in true love?

Yes. He believes that everybody has their one true love--a soulmate if you will--somewhere in the world waiting for them.

U : UNREQUITED. has your muse had their heart broken?

Yes, a few times. His break up with Abra was ugly, but he was still very upset afterwards because he really did love her. The throuple with Kenzie and Teddy left him super heartbroken. He’s still working on mending it.

V : VALENTINE. how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?

Caleb loves Valentine's Day...because in South Korea, it’s when men receive chocolates from women who like them. (One month later, the men give women chocolate on White Day, and one month after that is Black Day when singles celebrate their singleness together.) Growing up, every year, he got a box of choco pies from his mom.

W : WEDDING. would your muse get married? why / why not?

Defiantly some day, once he finds the right person. Caleb just wants to be happy and loved.

X : XOXO. does your muse use / like pet names?

Unintentionally, but not really. Most of the time ins honorifics--terms used to show respect to people who are close to him but older. Noona - what he calls Kenzie, Sora, and Minnie literally just means big sister. Hyung - what he calls Ian and Axel is simply big brother. Teddy (Daddy) and Abra (Kadabra) are the only two exceptions to the nickname rule.

Y : YOURS. does your muse get protective easily?

He’s more the protected than the protector.

Z : ZZZ. how many people has your muse slept with?

3. Kenzie, Teddy, and Kai.

#luxortask #luxortask006

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dreamgloe · 5 years

Note

vanilla, letters & melt

prompt: vanilla, letters & melt (this prompt list here)

words: 4.56k

warnings: fluff, slightest bit of angst

notes: so this is really late but….better late than never, right? I’ll just keep it in the valentine’s day theme. ;) despite how long this took, i’m so happy to be writing some cute namjoon while writing some angsty namjoon (his chapter in ‘half of my heart’ has put me T H R O U G H I T)

tags: @joonieblossoms

mini playlist: fools by troye sivan | call your girlfriend (robyn cover) by clara mae | sponge by clay best friend by ikon

-x-

There were only two sounds in your apartment. One was the loud crashing noises of the Netflix romcom you’d decided to play with a hard press of your forefinger. Afterwards, you tossed the remote to the floor, not caring where it landed. The second was the scraping of your spoon against the paper carton of Tahitian Vanilla ice cream from your favorite neighborhood spot.

You told yourself that you hated this holiday, that it was a consumerist weapon holding people hostage in the name of love. If anyone asked you, you were boycotting and Galentine’s Day was the only holiday worth celebrating. Celebrating womanhood with your girl friends with copious amounts of sparkling rosé was the only draw to this time of the year.

However, that was a damn lie.

Not only were most of your friends in relationships, you actually loved Valentine’s Day. Well, you did. You loved the idea when you were in a relationship, which you had been in until about a month ago. It wasn’t as if you were certain that Choi Sungwoo was the one for you but you did spent the better part of eight months committed to him, his work functions–which you hated–and to trying your best to not demolish his ass in Overwatch every time you played with him. He was funny when he wasn’t trying to be and he was never ashamed to hold your hand in public. The sex was great, you knew there were no complaints in that department.

But…obviously something wasn’t working for him when he told you that it was over. He admitted that there was someone else. He said that he had feelings for someone at his work and he didn’t want to continue to lead you on if he was interested in someone else. He also said he wanted a chance with this person. He didn’t want any “what ifs.”. You couldn’t hate him for being honest but you hated him on principle anyway.

He wasn’t even a coward, you thought to yourself, stabbing your spoon back into the ice cream. You paused, looking into the carton. It was missing something, and with that thought you walked to grab the chocolate syrup out of the fridge, the kind that hardened on top of ice cream. Flipping the cap and squeezing it all over the ice cream, you only stopped when the top was almost completely covered. Flipping the cap back into place, you didn’t even bother to put it back in the fridge.

You just didn’t care.

It was at that moment that you were glad your roommate, Namjoon, wasn’t back. To be honest, you weren’t even sure what he was doing. You were just happy that he wasn’t home to watch the sad scene of a gross ice cream concoction and some pretty abhorrent Netflix romantic comedies.

He’d also broken up with his girlfriend around five months ago but he’d been dating his girlfriend as long as you’d known him which was a little over two years. If it was a competition, you knew he’d won hands down. You liked her too and were sad for him when she dumped him.

And that was pretty big of you, too, because when you first met Namjoon, you might have had a teensy crush on him. Teensy being an understatement. Who wouldn’t? He was smart, kind, tall, and had one of the best smiles you’d ever seen in your life. But the two of you quickly fell into a friendship, one that you’d rather die than ever mess up.

Knowing he was sad, you did everything you could to cheer him up. Museum dates, pounds and pounds of barbeque. You even went with him to see all those foreign films he liked even though you hated them. You should have better taste, having studied French Literature. You met Namjoon in a Modern French Philosophy class for crying out loud! However, you’d always been a sucker for girl gang movies and romantic comedies. But…you couldn’t bear the crestfallen looks across your roommate’s face so you did your best to cheer him up even if it meant sitting through a handful of painful German films.

At the time, you couldn’t bring yourself to pry into why she broke up with him. He’d tell you if he wanted to. That’s what you told yourself. Namjoon had been busy the last month but he tried desperately to be there for you as well. He watched a handful of dramas and even the latest season of Alexa & Katie with you on Netflix. Two things he hated and he did them for you. For that, you were grateful but it didn’t stop you from shovelling your way through the pint of ice cream in front of you, knowing full well you had two more in the freezer.

Obviously, you couldn’t help but soften at the thought of Namjoon holding your hand and giving you tissues as you cried your eyes out watching fucking Alexa & Katie, a show aimed at middle school girls. He wasn’t the best roommate in the world but he was definitely one of the best friends you have ever been lucky enough to have.

Why did your bout of loneliness have to bubble up on a day that was both the epitome and antithesis of loneliness, though? Couldn’t the universe give you a fucking break? You were still holding the carton of ice cream in your condensation covered hands, spoon in mouth, feet up on the coffee table when Namjoon walked in. You’d been so absorbed in your ice cream that your surprise caused the metal spoon to clack against your teeth harshly, causing you to spasm. “Ow,” you said, more to yourself, “Goddamnit!”

“Oh…hey Y/N,” he said, lugging his messenger bag off his shoulder and then onto the ground as he approached the edge of the couch. You sighed loudly, putting the spoon into the carton and placing the whole thing on the table. “Namjoon….” you said, a hint of whine, “don’t just…er….enter the apartment like that. Nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“So sorry, Y/N. Next time I won’t exist in my own apartment,” he said sarcastically, crossing his arms while looking at you, not being able to help the small smile that spread across his face.

“Thank you,” you say, “I’d appreciate it.” You said it seriously but you couldn’t help the smile that eventually followed too. You played with the blanket it across your lap, smoothing it out. You didn’t expect him to be home. But honestly, where would he be? Both of you were single on Valentine’s Day. You should have thought of that. It had been months since either of you had been relationships, where would you both be going?

There was a moment before you spoke. “Care to join me?” you said, motioning to the nest of blankets, dvds, snacks, and strangely, more than one Apple TV remote. He heaved a heavy sigh before he kicked his shoes off and said, “If we’re doing this, I’m getting the wine.” After grabbing a bottle of red and two glasses, he finally sat down on the couch with a big plop, getting under the blanket with you. He poured you a glass, handing it to you now that you no longer were holding the tub of ice cream. The two of you did a cheers and he leaned back into the couch, hi shoulder touching yours.

He let you finish off the romcom you were watching before the two of your poured over old DVD’s. He’d convinced you to settle on Notting Hill, claiming it was one of the best romantic comedies of all time. You argued and said it was borderline boring, to which Namjoon just scoffed. However, you did your best to conceal the tears you were crying towards the end. Namjoon decided not to rub it in your face because you looked so sad. Soon enough, you found your hand in his. His was warm and it only made you cry more. “Hey…” he said softly, pulling some tissues from his pocket.

You were crying and it wasn’t just the movie. You were sad and lonely as hard as that was to admit to yourself. You missed sharing something with someone, you missed holding hands like Namjoon was currently holding your’s, you even missed playing damn Overwatch. You thought yourself a very independent person and you hated yourself for crying because you were alone on Valentine’s Day. The thought itself drew a choked sob out of you and with your free hand, you furiously wiped at your face.

Taking the tissues, you sloppily dabbed at your face, warm with tears and more than two glasses of red wine. “I’m literally the most pathetic person on planet Earth right now,” you said between sobs, “You don’t have to hold my hand, Namjoon. Thank you, but you don’t have to.” You waited for him to drop it but he only interlaces his fingers into yours more tightly. You looked up at him as he started to speak again. “I want to, Y/N,” he said, taking a deep breath, “What’s this about? What’s going on?” You couldn’t even be annoyed with him because he looked so concerned.

You gave yourself a few moments to breathe before you answer him. “It’s just….I don’t know if I miss Sungwoo or…” you said, trailing off.

“Or what….?” Namjoon asked in a concerned voice.

“Or if I’m just hopeless, awkward, and desperate for love!!!” you exclaimed dramatically. It only took Namjoon a second to get the FRIENDS reference. He laughed, intertwining his fingers with yours. The two of you still couldn’t get enough of syndicated FRIENDS reruns on basic cable.

He leaned his shoulder into yours as you took a deep breath. “But in all seriousness,” you continued, “I know it sounds dumb…but…it’s so nice to be liked, to be wanted or needed or whatever…” You looked down at your lap, blinking your eyes a few times.

“I get that,” he said softly, lukewarm fingers now starting to just slightly condensate in your grasp. Namjoon was rarely this affectionate towards anyone. However, in the last month, the two of you had spent a plethora of your time that you were not working on your dissertations, with each other. At your behest, a lot of it in front of the television with junk food, which contrasted to the time after his breakup. But you two had different tastes.

You liked sitting shoulder to shoulder with Namjoon on the couch, crying your eyes out to preteen multicam comedies on Netflix. But you weren’t sure why he’d put up with you. You just came to assume it was because he was concerned after your break up with Sungwoo.

“Ugh, sorry,” you say, shaking your head, trying to shake out of it, “Do you want to pick the next movie? I’ll even watch that Hebrew movie you were talking about? Fill the Void?” You paused for a second before continuing, “That’s the one about arranged marriage right?”

“The young woman married her sister’s widower,” he said, correcting you. You nodded and the two of you settled into the couch to finish the shitty romantic comedy you were watching. When you finished, the two of you had polished off the vanilla ice cream. You took the empty carton, grabbing your second tub and bringing it as Namjoon was loading up the foreign film. Taking another deep breath, you sat down next to him.

The film was slow but stunning and you couldn’t help but getting wrapped up into it along Namjoon. Shoulders still pressed together, you felt your eyes well up unblinkingly at the emotional scenes laying before you. In a lull, you couldn’t help but speak. “Maybe I should just have my family match me up like Shira,” you said, “Easy, relatively painless, percentage chance of heartbreak significantly lowered right?”

You were just bullshitting at this point, working your way through your second glass of wine, using the last tissue from Namjoon’s pocket to dab at some of the drink dripping from your chin. You were reaching the climax in your rant when Namjoon interrupted you. “Just stop, Y/N, okay?” he said, grabbing your shoulders, only shaking you slightly, “One day, a guy is going to be so lucky that you’ve let him be part of your life. Stop beating yourself up about it. It’s a dumb holiday. You are so very much worthy of love. Trust me, I know. So shut up and let’s finish the damn movie.”

He turns away from you and back to the tv, but you can’t help but stare at his profile. Serious and hellbent on concentrating on the subtitled movie. You eyed him suspiciously. “What do you mean ‘I know?”

He let out a large breath through his nose. “Fine,” he said, getting up, “I guess I’m doing this.” You watched him as got up, leaving you alone on the coach, and made his way down the hall in the direction of his bedroom. Less than a minute later, he came back with a stack of letters rubber banded together. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Y/N,” he said, as if he was annoyed.

As you started to ask, he pushed them into your hands. “Just read, don’t talk, okay?” he said, more forceful than you’d really ever seen him before. This time, however, he sat on one of the bar stools a handful of feet away as you slowly undid the two skinny rubber bands.

“Okay,” you said resolutely, as you carefully pried open the first envelope. It had been dated around five or so months ago, in Namjoon’s skinny, clear handwriting. You started reading, feeling your face crease.

Y/N, I took some time before writing this because that’s what you do when someone who has been a fixture in your life, no longer is. By the time I started this, I told you that Chaeha and I broke up. Chaeha told me that she knew my heart wasn’t with her anymore. What’s worse is that she wasn’t even mad. I denied it to her, told her that I only loved her, but she knew better. I don’t know when it all started but…I’m pretty sure you’ve always been more than a friend to me. Two weeks to come to terms with the fact that she was right.

That was only the first letter. There were definitely more than ten letters in the pile and one by one, you opened them. He had written to you once a week since his breakup with Chaeha. A few of the letters were just Namjoon talking about his day, a short trip he took with his parents, the weekend getaway you took with your mutual friends. However, they all revolved around thoughts of you, even if you weren’t present at the time.

You could feel your eyes and face soften. On one hand, it was all too much and the other, not nearly enough. As you picked up the latest one, dated two days ago, you couldn’t help but look over at Namjoon sitting on the stool by the counter. He looked at you as if to encourage you to keep reading but there was something in his eyes that didn’t want yours to leave either. Always an eloquent speaker, his letters spoke volumes beyond what he could physically say.

February 12th, 2019, February 12th, 2019. Two days ago.

I’m sure if you ever read these, Y/N, you’ll have figured it out quickly by this one. You’re so smart and that’s probably one of reasons we get along so well, why that Modern French Philosophy class was the best class I’ve ever taken at this place. Probably one of the reasons why Chaeha and I ended, even. The day I wrote about in the first letter, Chaeha told me it was you. I didn’t completely admit to myself but I’ve had five months to think about us and I can now confirm. I can confirm my feelings. I still am not sure when it all happened but it did. I fell in love with you along the way of our friendship.

Your eyes scanned the rest of the letter, trying to absorb all the information thoroughly but as quickly as possible. You finished, and turned to look at Namjoon over the couch. Your eyes growing softer, wider, and a bit wetter.

Knowing what was going on but not really knowing how to comprehend, your words faltered in your mouth. “What is–? Why–? Really–?” you said, only being able to form a few short, questioning words. You were emotional and a little buzzed already and now ….you were pretty sure your best friend was telling you that he broke up with his girlfriend five months ago because he was in love with you.

Snapping your head towards the kitchen to look at him, you were sure that you probably looked pretty lost. The expression on his face was serious but not hard, his chin between his forefinger and thumb. You wanted to move, to be able to look him closely in the eyes as if that act could provide you with answers. To be honest, you were overwhelmed and for a moment you thought you might just burst into tears. Where was all of this coming from?

The only thing you could do was hold up the stack of haphazardly opened letters. Not as in “I want to give these back” kind of way but in a way that says “I want to talk about these but my mouth and brain aren’t making the connection with one another.” He sloughs out of his chair and rejoins you back on the couch. You turn to him sideways, one knee up on the couch. You jester to him with the envelopes on your hands but a tight grip on them. A grip that might imply you don’t want to let them go, that if you do…what you just read will disappear.

“I know,” he says, “I know…it’s a lot, but it’s not–” He looks into your watery eyes and you can just tell he wants to stay more, that he probably has this eloquent speech or explanation planned out. He always knows what to say to you, what to say to other people. Where you were often speechless and stuck in your own head, he had a way with words that rivaled many heads of state.

You sighed and swallowed. “Tell me, then,” you manage to say, not quite knowing what is possessing you, “tell me what these letters haven’t.” Your knee brushed Namjoon’s thigh when you readjusted yourself next to him, placing the stack of letters on top of where your leg brushed his. You tried to remain as calm as possible for him, so that you could listen to him, but you were shaking. You couldn’t help it and you did your best to conceal that fact, by holding your arms to yourself, even though you didn’t want to look as if you were closed off from the conversation.

Once he started, you could only listen. The way he put into words possibly years of feelings…your heart was fit to burst. He’d been your friend for so long and you had built a relationship on being friends and roommates that you were more than satisfied with. Well, at least…that’s what you thought until the one person it also included flipped your world upside down with his confession.

“…You know I loved Chaeha. I was with her for half a decade,” he said, almost as if he was pleading. You nodded because it was true. He loved Chaeha. You loved her too…obviously not in that way but you’d grown close to her in the past two plus years of being Namjoon’s friend. She’d never…she’d never even given off any vibes that she didn’t like you, that she didn’t trust you, or that her boyfriend of five years might possibly be in love with another woman aka you. That thought hurt you too.

“I know, Namjoon,” you said, “I know you loved her so much. But why? When? How? I–I’m sorry. I’m not the articulate one in this friendship.” You held onto your own fingers so tightly, you knew there might be the possibility that they might bruise.

“I don’t know when it happened but here I am, fucking hopeless and in love with my best friend. Those five months taught me that Chaeha was right and that…she was right to dump me. I couldn’t continue to be in a relationship with her–even if I really cared about her because at the back of my mind, I was always thinking about you.” he said, finally shifting to face you, taking your shaking hands in each of his.

Never thought you’d see your best friend’s gaze falter, never thought he’d ever be at a loss. His hands were as warm as they were before but they felt different. This is what you were afraid of. Things changing between you. That’s why….whatever “little” crush you had on him when you first met, you pushed it aside. There was never going to be a way that you’d let Kim Namjoon slip away from your life. You had always recognized that you found him attractive but he was Namjoon, the PhD candidate with cartoon character pyjama pants and the guy who you’d let in the bathroom while you were in the shower so he could pee.

He still liked you after that and it confused you even more. “Not to sound like a broken record, but why me? What is it about me?” you asked. You were genuinely curious and confused. You weren’t a mess, per say, but you and Namjoon shared every streaming service and refused to purchase cable tv because you were on a budget. Chaeha had been beautiful, smart, and a fantastic career and life going for her. Why was your roommate looking at you like you held the fucking universe? Why was he taking a step closer to you right now? Why were his eyes bigger and glassier than you’d ever seen them before?

Why was it that when he squeezed your hands in his and he finally looked at you in the eyes, you could feel all the confusing puzzle pieces finally fall into place? Could he see the light bulb go off in your brain?

“What isn’t it about you?” he said, suddenly smiling more brightly than he had since he walked through the door, “One, you’re my best friend. Two, without you I would starve. Three, I realized you have always made my heart do this.” He took one of the hands he was holding and put it on his heart. It was beating rather fast. You could feel your fingers press into the shirt covering his chest, looking for some kind of anchor to keep you on this earth. Now that the two of you were closer, you could feel the light breeze of his wine breath on your face.

Of your own accord, you moved the hand on his chest to the juncture of his neck and shoulder in attempt to not pull him to you but still bring him closer. The only sound you could hear was the foreign film in the background and the sound of your own ragged breath. “What are you thinking?” he asks so quietly, that if it wasn’t silent, you wouldn’t have been able to catch it.

“It’s just that…the feelings I have…I have…I have pressed them so far down because of how much our friendship means to me, how much you mean to me…that I’m just trying to wrap my head around this,” you rambled. Your thumb rubbed at his jaw, reveling in the warmth and softness of his skin there. “Did you know…that I had a crush on you when we first became friends?” you said, not being able to help but chuckle at yourself a little.

“No,” he said, looking down at you.

“But you were with Chaeha and you two were really cute and I wanted to be your friend so bad that I–” you said but in a fast moment, were cut off by Namjoon’s lips against yours. You wanted to cry because you’d thought about it more than you wanted to admit. Repressing your crush on Namjoon was now going to take its toll in the form of big soppy tears that were pooling in your tear ducts.

Pressing your finger into his jaw, you used your hand to bring him closer, a sob stuck in your throat. You used a little more momentum than you had thought to and Namjoon ended up half on top of you as you fell back into the large, squishy couch cushion. His hands were soon around your waist and your arms slipped around his shoulders.

After coming up for air, you managed to get out “Sorry, I’m all emotional. This is all so good but a little much. I just…you overwhelm me…in a good way.” You tacked that bit on at the end because it was true. The very thought and feel of him right now consumed you.

“Please don’t feel pressured to say or do anything you don’t want to,” he said earnestly, “That’s the last thing I want to happen. Your friendship, regardless of this, means everything to me.” You smile, bringing his lips back to you. When you pressed him even closer to you, Namjoon eagerly maneuvered so that you were underneath him on the couch. His fingers brushed your bare sides while yours dipped under the collar of his t-shirt.

He melded to you like you had been there all along.

“I said it earlier but…Happy Valentine’s Day, Y/N,” he said, that big, happy doofy smile blooming across his face.

“You too, Joon,” you said, biting your bottom lip before pulling him in closer. The two of you remained tangled up together for several more minutes until eventually, you ended up on top of Namjoon. When you finally separated, the movie was over and you decided to clear up all your mess on the coffee table except for the wine.

As you reached for the tub of ice cream in order to take it to kitchen, you peered inside only to be disappointed. “Goddamnit, the ice cream melted!” you said annoyedly. But before you could walk to throw it in the trash can, a pair of arms looped around your middle as a chin pressed into your shoulder.

“So did I,” Namjoon said into your ear. You couldn’t help but chortle at the cheesy line. As cheesy as it was, it was still lovely. You wrapped your arms around his and leaned back into him as you help the condensation covered melted tub of ice cream. When his lips reached behind your ear, you leaned forward to place the tub on a surface, not wanting it all over the carpet.

Smiling at that moment, you promised yourself to never call Valentine’s Day a consumerist holiday ever again.

#hyunglinenetwork #btswritingcafe #namjoon x reader #bts fluff #bts angst #bts scenarios #bts fanfiction #namjoon fanfic #bts fanfic #kim namjoon #namjoon #namjoon fluff #namjoon angst #bts #bangtan #joonieblossoms #palepinksuga: writings #writings #fic: drabble

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hbostolemysoul · 5 years

Text

Band of Brothers fluff alphabet: Joe Toye

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

Walking into camp Toccoa had been terrifying for you, not that you would let it show. Having gone through basic training you knew better than to show your ‘girly’ emotions around the guys. That being said having every single set of eyes on you as you walked through camp was nerve-wracking. Most of the men stared at you, some whistled, but most of them left you alone.

You didn’t really have a problem with any of the men until you were out at a local bar one night enjoying your weekend pass. Cobb had seemed like an okay guy, a bit cynical and bitter at times but your interactions had been limited. He approached you, spilling some of the beer in his mug as he invaded your space. Clearly, he had overindulged, and his comments towards you went from inappropriate to near threatening as you denied his advances. Turning to leave you were yanked backward, your lower back slamming into the table behind you. At this point some of the men around you had taken notice, some looking like they wanted to step in, but also not wanting to add to the building tension. You felt your face flush, you broke Cobbs hold on his arm and he stumbled a bit.

As you turned to leave you hear Cobb sputter “Hey bitch”,

You turned on your heel and instead of throwing a punch at Cobb you were surprised to see Toye, Joe Toye if your memory serves you correct, with Cobbs collar in his fist muttering a quiet threat to Cobb to ‘leave the lady the fuck alone’. Behind Toye you could see Guarnere, Randleman, and even Lipton looking ready to back him up should the need arise.

Cobb backed down and stumbled back to his seat on the other end of the bar. Toye turned towards you, hand extended as he introduced himself. The boys ended up inviting you to their table while sitting you leaned closer to Toye,

“I appreciate the sentiment and all, but I could have handled that myself” Joe gave a gruff laugh,

“You flatter yourself too much sweetheart, I stepped in for his protection, not yours”, that got a laugh out of you. You and Joe got on pretty well after that.

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?)

Joe had dropped out of high school in his junior year to work in the mines to help support his family. He had been raised to put family first and should he ever get married or have kids their wellbeing would be his first priority.

After losing his leg and spending about 9 months in hospital he is at a loss as to what he can do for work. Before the war, he had worked in the mines and mills but without his right leg, those were no longer options. He wrote to you and in his own ‘tough guy’ kind of way expressed that he felt lost. He did eventually find work as a drill bit grinder at one of the mines in Reading, Pennsylvania.

When the war was over, and you had been shipped back home you decided to visit Toye. You two had always had an easy friendship, so coming to visit felt pretty natural for both of you. A one week visit extended to several, to you eventually moving into his guest bedroom, to said guest bedroom being made into an impromptu nursery.

Your pregnancy hadn’t been planned, but you and Joe took it in stride. Your friendship had always been an easy one, and when you two sat down to talk about things it became apparent that you both had been harboring ‘deeper’ feelings for each other.

You were a champ through the delivery because that child was by no means small. A hearty little thing that was a perfect mix of you and Joe, just having them in your arms made up for the 21 hours of labour you just went through, not that you would tell Joe that. Him doting on you had been kind of nice, and you were going to milk it for as long as possible.

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

You will usually fall asleep close together, and wake up your back to Joe’s chest, his arm wrapped securely around your waist.

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

Joe is a pretty simple guy, beer and pizza. You also happen to like those things so you two often just order in and hang out. When his leg isn’t acting up you two sometimes go down to one of the local bars. If it’s a particularly good night Joe will even dance to a slow song or two with you.

E = Everything (You are my __ (e.g. my life, my world…))

“You are the toughest little thing I have ever met, y’know that?”

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

You and Joe had talked about ‘feelings’ and what not when you first found out you were pregnant. While you both knew you loved the other the words hadn’t been said yet. Truthfully, they hadn’t felt right until Joe saw you with a hand on your lower back, gently scolding the child within you for “kicking my damn bladder again”. Joe wasn’t a super touchy-feely guy, but for whatever reason, he just blurted the words out. It was kind of funny as you looked up at him, he blinked owlishly at you as if shocked by his own admission. You just grinned and waddled over, raising on your tip toes you place a gentle kiss to his mouth, “Love you too. Do you think we can get pizza for tonight? I really want olives”.

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

Don’t get me wrong Joe can be very gentle, but that doesn’t mean you always want him to be gentle.

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

Again Joe is not super touchy-feely, but when the mood strikes him he has no problem taking your hand in his larger one.

I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

He had seen you around Toccoa, and he had heard enough about you from the men to feel familiar enough with you. Prior to the ‘Cobb’ incident, you two hadn’t really crossed paths. What he remembers clear as day was how you were definitely going to lay Cobb out on his ass if he didn’t step in. Not that the guy didn’t deserve it. After talking with you that night he realized that you were quite funny and would totally take a guy down should the mood strike you. What can he say, he liked you.

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

Joe can get jealous, it happens more now that you two are officially together than it did before. Sure while overseas he would get annoyed with the way men would look at you, flirt with you, touch you, breath in your general vicinity, but hey you were just friends so he kept his feelings in check. But now that you are together he gets to pull out that ‘back the fuck off’ look that he does so well.

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

You honestly don’t remember. You two had been bickering about whether pineapple had a place on pizza and somehow your mouths ended up together.

L = Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

Joe did. You had been standing in the kitchen muttering to your acrobat of an unborn child when Joe just blurted it out. It had been sweet, and so uniquely Joe that it was kind of hilarious. (Also you did get that pizza you asked for)

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?)

The first day you came to visit after the war had been pretty great. You two didn’t realize how much you had missed each other until you were in the same room. You two had stayed up late that night, drinking beers and just catching up. Joe also ‘forced’ the photos of Guarnere’s various kids upon you. What the hell else was he going to do with all those photos anyway?

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

Pizza is kind of your thing. You two aren’t particularly materialistic, so it’s the simple things that keep you two happy.

O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?)

Red. You are fiery, funny, and a total badass (beast in bed).

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?)

Sweetheart (not in a sappy way, but like totally Joe if that makes sense?!)

Q = Quaint (What is their favourite non-modern thing?)

He has an old watch that his dad gave to him. The watch face is cracked and the battery died long ago, but it came from family so it means something.

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

Joe’s leg acts up when it rains, “something about the pressure systems or some shit” as he likes to say. So you two usually stay in, sometimes playing cards.

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

Joe (tough guy) doesn’t get sad, his head just gets cloudy sometimes. Pizza and beer usually fix it, until baby Toye comes along. Joe likes to have ‘conversations’ with your babbling baby, it literally keeps them entertained for hours.

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

Day to day life stuff mostly, “Have you seen the remote?”, “Why is our child covered in peanut butter?”, “Have you seen my watch?”. You know. Normal things.

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

Joe will never admit it, but he loves napping with the baby. He will never admit to needing the naps though, always some excuse “The kid was already asleep. Seemed like a crime to get up and disturb ‘em”.

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

Again Joe isn’t very materialistic, or showy. He is just happy to have the things he does, (You, baby Toye, a reasonable distance between the Guarnere clan and your home)

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?)

The topic of marriage comes up occasionally, but you and Joe never really felt the urgency some other couples have. It wasn’t until baby Toye had tuned into ‘full on tiny human Toye’ that the conversation comes up seriously. Mostly because you kid straight up asked “Why don’t you just ask mom to marry you already?”.

You guys had a small ceremony, your families and friends came to the reception afterward. Guarnere full on cackled when he found out how you two ‘got’ engaged, he then promptly high fived your child.

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?)

Guest Room- Echos

Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

You two had tossed the idea around, it wasn’t until your child literally scolded you that you two got your act together.

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

Joe had a clear dog or nothing rule. Until your child came home with this mangy cat that they were clearly in love with…It took Joe about two days to come around, but he most definitely did not fall asleep with the cat on his chest. No, that never happened.

#band of brothers #band of brother fluff alphabet #joe toye #joe toye x reader #easy company #band of brothers x reader

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writingstufff1 · 6 years

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An Unnecessary Secret - Chapter One

Jughead x Veronica

A/n: Happy New Year everyone! I actually got this done a lot quicker than I thought I would so I decided to do some extra editing. I will be putting this up on ao3 as well if anyone wants to read it there. Any advice would be appreciated as usual! Enjoy xx

Word Count: 3207

Jughead was late. He had promised he would meet Toni at Pop’s to look at her latest photography project. His alarm, unfortunately, had not gone off. The reason it had not gone off was that he had been too distracted by Veronica and had forgotten to set it. He cursed inwardly as he scrambled around the trailer trying to find a clean shirt. Toni was going to kill him. He was literally going to be murdered. He grabbed his laptop bag and left the trailer with his shoelaces still untied.

“Well Jones, I was starting to think you had forgotten,” Toni said teasingly.

“I’m so sorry Toni, my alarm didn’t go off this morning”

“Don’t worry about it, just have a look at these,” she told him, handing him a folder. “Thanks for helping me with this, by the way, Jones”

“It’s no problem at all T,” he said, taking the folder from her. “Besides, I always enjoy looking at your work. Even if it’s 90% photos of Cheryl”

“Shut up” she laughed.

Jughead pored over the folder for at least two milkshakes worth of time. He had comments for every photo and by the end, Toni was looking bored.

“You know what Jughead, I actually have to meet up with Cheryl. Maybe you can keep it for a while and just email me your thoughts?” she asked.

“Yeah, for sure Toni, I’m really impressed so far though”

“Thanks, Jughead”

She stood up to leave. “You should really talk to Veronica, she’s been staring over here for the last half hour” she added after a few seconds.

He looked up in surprise to see Veronica quickly look away. Shaking his head, he continued to leaf through the folder. There were hundreds of photos. He wondered how long it had taken Toni to put the project together. No doubt it had been in the works at least a few months. He reminded himself to ask her to put forward a few of the photos for the Blue and Gold. He spent the next hour typing out his comments before deciding to take a break. The second he closed the lid of his laptop Veronica appeared in the seat opposite him.

“Jughead, I need to talk to you”

Jughead nodded and put his laptop back in his bag. “Sure, what’s up?”

“I just wanted to thank you for checking on me last night,” she said.

“Yeah, no problem, anytime”

“I also wanted to invite you to the party Reggie is having tonight”

Jughead was shocked. This was an unexpected turn of events. Not that he hadn’t been to parties before, he was long past his phase of having no friends. Plus, he was a part of the Serpents now and parties were practically in the job description. No, it wasn’t that, it was the fact that Veronica Lodge was personally inviting him.

“Oh, there’s no need for that”

“Nonsense, it’ll be fun” she assured him.

“Are you sure Reggie is okay with that?” he asked, hesitantly.

“Yes, absolutely. So, come pick me up at nine o’ clock at the Pembroke”

Jughead watched her walk away in disbelief. He wondered what on earth he had gotten himself into when he had decided that he should be nice to Veronica.

Jughead found himself overthinking an outfit for the first time in his life. He wasn’t sure how laidback the party was going to be and considering he was going with Veronica he supposed he should wear something fancier than usual. He was stuck between a white shirt that made him look like he was going to a dance and a black shirt that made him look like a waiter. A knock on his door made him spill his drink on the white shirt. Waiter it is. FP opened the door and Jughead whirled around.

“What do you want?” he snapped.

“Nothing Jug, I was just wondering why you were talking to yourself”

“Sorry Dad, I’m a little stressed about this party”

FP chuckled and put his hands on Jughead’s shoulders. “Well you look great, have a good time”

Jughead had been waiting for fifteen minutes outside the Pembroke before Veronica made her way down. The doorman had looked at him like he was crazy when he had told him he was there for Veronica. He had kept Jughead waiting a few minutes while he spoke with Hermione about the party. Jughead decided to go wait at his bike. Veronica eventually opened the door and came outside. She was wearing a red dress that Jughead had never seen her in before. He didn’t know how he knew that.

“Well Jones, are we ready to go?”

“For sure, Lodge,” he said, pushing off his bike.

“Lord, I hope you do not expect me to get on that death contraption”

“Veronica, that is exactly what I expect you to do,” he said, handing her a helmet.

Veronica sighed and put on the helmet. “This better not ruin my hair”

Jughead laughed and got on the bike. Veronica sat behind him, she hesitated to put her hands around his waist. Jughead just put her hands around him. It only took them a few minutes to get to there but Veronica seemed to enjoy being on the bike. She tightened her grip around his waist and screamed in excitement. When they finally arrived at the party, Veronica took Jughead’s hand to lead him to the drinks. She handed him a cup of beer and laughed when he was surprised that she poured one for herself as well.

“What? Didn’t take me as a beer girl?”

“No, I guess I thought you were fancier than beer from a keg at a Reggie Mantle party, Lodge”

“Well, Jughead, you should know by now that I am full of surprises,” she said, grabbing his hand again to lead him around the party.

“That you are,” he murmured as he followed her.

They joined a game of beer pong at Reggie’s insistence. Jughead and Veronica were playing against Reggie and Midge. Jughead discovered he was actually pretty good at the game considering he had never played before. He tried to ignore the obviously flirty vibes between Veronica and Reggie and instead concentrated on beating him. Or winning the game. Midge caught his eye after another flirty comment from Reggie and rolled her eyes. Jughead returned the gesture but felt as though he was betraying Veronica by doing so. Jughead won another cup and he and Veronica celebrated by hugging excitedly.

“Whatever, everyone knows you are way too good for this freak anyway,

Veronica,” Reggie scoffed before turning and leaving the room.

“What the hell was that about?” Veronica asked, confused.

“I have no idea,” Jughead responded, equally puzzled.

“You know what, it’s late I should probably get home. Jughead can you give me a lift?”

Jughead nodded and they made their way out of the party. There were no complaints from Veronica to his surprise as she put on her helmet and got on the back of the bike again. They were almost halfway to Veronica’s when Jughead decided to make a quick detour.

“Wait, Jughead, where are you going?” Veronica demanded in his ear.

“Pop’s, I mean you are the owner and I could really do with a milkshake after the weirdness of that party”

Veronica laughed, and he could feel her breath on the back of his neck. He parked the bike and after taking the helmet from her, they went inside. She started to go behind the counter but Jughead grabbed her arm to stop her.

“I’ve got this. I used to work here you know and I can handle a milkshake and some fries”

“Thanks, Jug, it’ll be nice to have someone cooking for me for once”

“No problem. I think it’s better this way considering the last time you made me a milkshake there was a bit of a disaster,” he teased.

“Jughead!” she exclaimed, hitting him lightly in the arm.

He held up his hands in mock defeat and backed away. Veronica laughed at his surrender. She settled into one of the booths and put her feet up. Jughead set about making the fries first and once they were cooking he made the milkshakes. He set one down in front of Veronica and made himself comfortable. He looked at her lying there with her eyes closed.

“Whatchya thinking about Lodge?”

“Betty actually”

Jughead swallowed hard and kept his face neutral. “Why’s that?”

She opened her eyes and sat up quickly. “I have an idea! We should go visit Betty in New York”

She looked excited as she waited for a reply. Jughead couldn’t say no to her.

“Well, I can’t think of a single reason why not,” Jughead said, smiling although it felt more like a wince.

“Yes, this is going to be so great, we can do it like a road trip in August. It’ll be so nice for us to visit Betty, and I need to do some shopping so you two can get some alone time,” she said, winking.

“Yeah, sure, whatever makes you happy,” Jughead answered, standing up. “Listen I’m going to check on the fries”

Veronica spent the rest of the time in the diner scheming and making plans for the road trip. Jughead sat in silence, eating. He tried to pretend he was excited but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. He supposed he was going to have to tell her about the breakup eventually but there was a light in her eyes that he hadn’t seen even in the last few months of her relationship with Archie. He figured he would reveal it when she was sufficiently distracted by some other project. So, he just smiled and nodded at the appropriate places.

The ride home was quiet as both of them were tired and Veronica was still a little tipsy. She was leaning her head against his shoulder. Jughead felt weird. First, she invites him to a party, then on a road trip and now she’s leaning on his shoulder as he drops her home. He had not expected his summer to go like this. They had never been the touchy sort of friends. Or even friends period. He shook it off the feeling as the bike came around Veronica’s street corner.

“Well I’m glad you got home safe,” Jughead said, helping her get off the bike.

“Thanks for the lift Jug” she exclaimed, throwing her arms around his neck.

Jughead almost stepped back in shock. He hadn’t been expecting a hug. His arms instinctively encircled her.

“No problem, Lodge. See you tomorrow”

Veronica practically skipped up the steps to the building. She waggled her fingers at him before disappearing inside. Jughead shook his head at her antics and made his way home.

Veronica awoke the next day with a pounding headache. She groaned and tried to roll over but the other side of the room was where she had left the blinds open mistakenly last night. She started to get up to close them when her phone started ringing. The noise was deafening and she had no idea where she had left her phone. She practically fell out of the bed and threw her clothes around the room looking for it. After successfully locating under her dress from the previous night, she answered it to turn off the noise. She made a noise that sounded more like a groan than a greeting.

“Wow, that bad is it?” a voice laughed on the other side of the phone.

“Jughead, what in god’s name do you want at this time in the morning” Veronica snapped, unimpressed with his amusement.

“Well actually, it’s nearly noon and you wanted to meet to discuss the road trip this morning”

Veronica cursed and leaned her head back, rubbing at her temples. She was in no state to make any plans.

“Oh shit, sorry I forgot about that”

There was a silence while she considered whether it was worth it to meet with him. Catching a look at herself in the mirror she decided there wasn’t a chance in hell.

“Can I cancel for today, I can barely open my eyes,” she told him apologetically.

“Yeah for sure, see you soon Lodge”

Veronica ended the call and put her head in her hands. There was only one solution to this, shopping. Veronica took a pill and feeling a lot better, applied her makeup as immaculately as usual and curled her hair. Looking in the mirror one would never know that she had an awful hangover. She ignored her father calling after her as she left the house and elected to get breakfast out. After a few hours of retail therapy, she was feeling ten times better. She had almost finished her shopping when someone crashed into her and caused her to drop all of her bags.

“You moron! What the hell is wrong with you?” she demanded, starting to pick up her bags.

“What do you mean what’s wrong with me-”

“Reggie?” Veronica cut him off.

“Oh, hey V, sorry about that,” he said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

Veronica just laughed. “So, what’s up?”

“Oh, nothing much. Actually, Ronnie, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something”

“Yeah, go for it”

“Would you be interested in going out sometime? You know for food or something?”

“Yeah, I’d actually really like that Reg,” she said, tapping his shoulder.

Reggie smiled. “Great”

“I have to go unfortunately but text me the details” she called over her shoulder.

Before going to bed she called Jughead to tell him what had happened. She wasn’t sure why her first instinct was to call him but decided not to dwell on it. He answered after the second ring.

“Veronica, hi. Didn’t expect two calls in one day”

She laughed. “Yeah, well I have some exciting news”

“Pray tell”

“Reggie asked me out today,” she exclaimed excitedly.

There was silence for a few seconds. “Jughead? Are you there?”

“Yeah, that’s great Veronica.” He paused. “You know, I’m kinda swamped here but good luck with that”

Veronica grinned. “That’s okay. See you soon Jug”

The call ended abruptly. Veronica frowned and put her phone down. The call must’ve been cut off. She decided to text Reggie asking about the plans. Once they were solidified she lay down to go to sleep. She surprisingly wasn’t as excited about her date as she thought she would be. She assumed it was because she wasn’t entirely over Archie.

“Well, maybe Reggie can help me with that,” she thought before drifting off to sleep.

When Reggie picked her up in his Dad’s car Veronica was excited. It felt different from getting picked up by Jughead on his bike. She had carefully selected an outfit that she knew Reggie would approve of and when his eyes raked over her body as he opened the door, she knew she had made a good choice. The dinner was expensive and Veronica didn’t order anything more than a salad as she wanted to impress Reggie. She had fun, although, Reggie wasn’t as funny as she’d remembered.

“I enjoyed tonight, V,” he remarked as he dropped her off.

She smiled up at him. “Yeah me too, Reg”

He stepped closer to her. “We should do it again sometime”

“Yeah, maybe,” she heard herself replying although she felt uncertain.

He leaned in closer and moved to kiss her but Veronica moved her head so that he kissed her cheek. She put it down to nerves that she didn’t want him to kiss her. He smiled and moved back respectfully.

“Goodnight, Reg,” she said, softly before turning and entering her building.

Veronica tapped her fingers lightly against the counter of the diner. The place was almost entirely empty other than a few bulldogs and a mother with her baby. She was tired and bored but she had to wait to tell Jughead the good news. She looked at her watch again. Jughead was not following his regular schedule. It had been two days since she had last seen him in the last booth at Pop’s. He had ordered fries from Pop instead of her so they didn’t really get a chance to talk other than a hello from Veronica which he acknowledged with a grunt. Her date with Reggie the previous night had been fun and she was excited to tell Jughead about it. Cheryl and Toni had already heard all about it and Betty wasn’t returning her calls but she still wanted to talk about it more. The bell at the door rang and Veronica looked up from her hands to see the brooding boy she was looking for.

“Jughead! Thank God, I’ve been waiting for you all day”

“Veronica,” Jughead said, startled. “I thought you would’ve been gone by now”

“Wait, what? Jughead are you avoiding me or something?”

“Or something”

“Is this because I blew you off the other day when I had a hangover?” Veronica demanded, making her way around the counter to stand in front of him.

“I just assumed the road trip and everything was off since Reggie is your latest distraction”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know, I just thought-” he started.

“Yeah well don’t. Besides, I’m pretty sure Reggie doesn’t want anything more than a fling”

Veronica wasn’t sure why she said that but it came tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop herself.

“Right, well fine I guess it’s back on then,” Jughead said trying not to show his relief but he couldn’t help the smile that crept up on his face.

Veronica clapped her hands excitedly. “Excellent. Now I assume you want some food”

Jughead nodded and she set about making food in the kitchen. She came back out and handed Jughead a glass of water before returning to the kitchen.

“So, tell me, how is Betty?” she called out.

Jughead nearly choked on his water. “Have you not been talking to her?” he sputtered.

“No, not really. She told me she was trying to concentrate on her internship,” she paused, narrowing her eyes. “She’s obviously still talking to her boyfriend, right?”

Jughead considered telling her the truth then and there but he was actually starting to look forward to the road trip and wanted to delay the inevitable. “Yeah, of course, we talk most days.” He did not meet Veronica's eyeline.

Veronica moved on then and started to talk about all the plans she had for the road trip. It turned out she had a lot of opinions on what snacks were appropriate for a road trip. Jughead gladly engaged in a conversation about food as he would most days. He left soon after that to go check on his Dad in the White Wyrm, leaving Veronica to lock up.

Veronica felt as though something was off after their conversation. She couldn’t quite put a finger on how she knew Jughead was hiding something, she just knew that he was acting strangely. Veronica Lodge wasn’t the kind of person to let something like this go and vowed to get to the bottom of the mystery.

#riverdale #riverdale fic #veronica x jughead #Jeronica #vughead #jughead jones #veronica lodge #jeronica fic #vughead fic #fic: an unnecessary secret

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gottaenjoythelittlethingzz · 6 years

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@mastery-in-procrastination, who is busy doing some awesome things for the community, was kind enough to send me this ask: “How long have you been working on "The Reaper's Only Daughter"?” Tumblr ate the ask, but I was able to save my answer! I may have gone a little over broad in my explanation. Thanks for the question, now sit back and experience the journey.

Ah yes. My origin story. I remember it like it was yesterday. Allow me to take you back, to before the beginning...

2018! For me it was the year of television (as ‘17 had been the year of the movie). I vividly remember searching for shows on IMDB to compile a sort of list in January. Some well-known, some old hat, but two in particular stuck out to me. Two my mother specifically enjoyed and had for many years. Sons of Anarchy and Shameless. I was finally at the age to where I could start enjoying these shows and so they were added to my list to be watched later. I remember reading the description of SOA and looking through pictures of tough guys on motorcycles. I knew I had to watch it!

Fast forward to May 15th. I was nearing the end of my high school/senior year. I believe I had taken all of my finals at this time and just had a few meaningless things left to turn in for one or two classes. I had just finished The Punisher (thank the godz) and was ready to start the next series. It was again between SOA and Shameless and I have never made a better or more damaging decision in my entire life than when I hit play on the pilot episode of SOA at 7 am as I was getting ready for school that Tuesday morning. Mind you, my school was a dead zone as far as internet goes, but the media godz were shinning down on me that week. I chased the signal every single day.

For the next 6 days, it was all I thought about, all I watched, all I wanted to talk about! I watched 92 episodes, roughly 70 hours of content in 6 days. Though my mother has seen it many times (as it is also her favorite series with her favorite actor(s) in it) I retold her the stories (nearly every episode, or several at a time) as I watched them. She was the first person to see me “live react” to a show in text or otherwise. She enjoyed it because she hasn’t had anyone to talk to about the show in what is now nearly 5 years and she liked hearing my takes on things.

I stopped talking to friends, I stopped eating (not really so extreme, but I mean...), and on the last 3 nights I hardly slept. I watched it absolutely everywhere! That Friday I skipped school. I reasoned I wasn’t doing work anyway and it wasn’t going to hold me back. If my memory serves me correctly, I watched the finale of S3 through S4 and maybe a little more on either side (but for certain these 14 episodes, technically my favorite in the series) in one straight sitting. In truth, nothing was going to be able to hold me back from this show. I was hard pressed to leave my room, much less my house which made work Saturday difficult. I told my coworkers I was watching it as I jumped up and down waiting to go home (business was slow you see) and I actually left early. I have a bad habit of watching things while driving (don’t do it kids! Listen to your mother!) and actually watched an episode on the way home.

I ended up pulling an all-nighter on Saturday trying to finish it as I had more plans Sunday. Well, it didn’t work. I fell asleep around 4 am with 4 or 5 episodes to go. I watched a few episodes to and from where I was going in the car, but on Sunday night May 20th, 2018, I watched the final two episodes of the series back to back and a weight had been lifted off my shoulders (it also left a hole in my heart, quite literally). I was no longer susceptible to spoilers and I knew the “secret”. What’s more, I completely, 100% agreed with the creator’s decision as to how and when he ended the show.

SOA was the first show that ever captivated my attention in such a way. I was never bored, not for a minute. I wouldn’t call many of the episodes fillers even now that I’ve watched each a couple of times (too many to count, for research purposes, I assure you.) And it is one of the most consistent as far as new ideas and character development/design I have ever seen. What's more is I absolutely adore the main cast and characters alike. It honestly took over my life and has changed it for the better. So much so, that it was still all I thought about for several weeks after I finished it. To the point where I had to watch it again top to bottom, though it took me about 2 weeks while sleeping that time. I’ve never watched a show like that, before or since, no matter how much I like a series.

Alas, life goes on, there were more shows to watch, and for the next month or so I turned to watching Shameless (another story entirely) and, though I didn’t want to, I stopped thinking about SOA for a time. That was, until I started thinking about moving to college. My mother had an SOA poster that use to be in her office that she gave to me to put in my apartment. I wake up every morning to see it hanging over my bed and I am reminded that I should be writing TROD. I went down to my college apartment about a week before term started. It was the first time I was technically on my own, though I have roommates, and you will never guess what I did during that week. Go ahead, guess. I did 2 things, actually.

I rewatched SOA, though this time I stopped on series 5 (and if you’ve seen it you may know why) and I “broke down” and created a Writeblr. I’ve always loved to write and actually was in the process of shelving what was originally meant to be my first novel length WIP (on the grounds that it did not have a plot to hold the characters together) that now hasn’t been updated in 6+ months. During this third rewatch an idea came to me. “What would it be like to be in this world?” More specifically, “What would it be like to be a woman in this world”?

This was apparently the right question to ask. The rest is history, swirling into a big black and crow feathered blur. I spent a few months creating Schuyler. I slowly stopped talking about the shelved WIP online and started answering questions for her instead. I figured if I was going to shelve 1 project I had better have another to replace it with, and so TROD was born! I nearly immediately had a character personality and a title when I started. The name Schuyler and her family lineage to link her to the canon story took more time. But while I was thinking of all the technical stuff I was also imagining all the fun scenes that would take place in this imaginary novel I was picturing.

I spent so much time thinking about it, specifically the first chapter which you have seen is now available to read on this blog, that the first time I sat down to write I wrote out 5,000 words flat. Many remained in what is currently “the final draft”. This had never happened to me before and I was inspired! I have been working on it ever since. As far as physically writing for it I have only been writing TROD for about 4 months. But in actuality, TROD has been a project a long time in the making. Nearly 9 months of thought and devotion to a Fandom nearly gone, but I’m here now to carry the torch!

9 months in and I have 6 moodboards, a chapter, and far too many tag games/posts to count. I have roughly 30k words written (continuously, obsessively tweaking the first 3 chapters) and another 2k or so of notes (outlines, dialogue lines, and ideas for scenes). This is actually the first story where I’m consulting a sort of outline (my own that I’m always adding to, but also the canon story) and it’s been my best writing experience to date!

This project is going to be long. Longer than anything I’ve ever dreamed of taking on before. I still have much to explore, plot kinks to work through, and many months, if not years, of work to go. But w/o SOA I would have never become so involved in media (as now I want to make it my career), met some of my favorite actors, created my Writeblr or been inspired to continue writing, and I certainly never would have entered into this inclusive community or met so many awesome writers!

*Whew. That was a lot. But SOA and my WIP TROD means a lot to me as you can see. Thanks so much for the ask. Feel free to stop by anytime!

I’m also going to tag @themildestofwriters as I know you may be thinking about diving into this series yourself and I want to both warn you and wish you well if you choose to do so!

And @aspire2bu, as I believe I saw you post recently about how you first got into K-pop in the first place and I found it interesting. Hopefully you’ll find this interesting too!

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astereaholloway · 6 years

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- ̗̀ * ( sophie turner + cisfemale + she/her ) have you seen ( aster holloway ) walking around campus ? they are a ( twenty-one ) year old, studying ( botany + entomology ). we hear they are in ( theta sigma eta ), and can be ( opinionated & daunting ), maybe it’s because they are an ( aries ). they sort of remind us of ( abandoned greenhouses, spinning bike wheels , iridescent pocket knives ), maybe we can find out more ! * ̖́- + habitat

i yeet’d holliday for this child o’ mine pls love her bc i love her sm i’ll prolly change her fc to sophie turner as soon as i get tired of cropping gifs of saoirse but enjoy her face for now sksksk. like this n i’ll come to u!!

tw: fire, death, cancer, etc. etc.

gen. info

full name: aster holloway

nickname(s): n/a, give her one n she’ll cut you probably

b.o.d. - april 1st.

label(s): the hellcat, the minefield, the connard, etc. etc.

height: probably like 5′7″ or 5′8″ tbh

hometown: inglewood, california

sexuality: chaotic. lesbian.

bio. info

hasn’t had the most......stable, life

born to dahlia verbeck, a botanist, wildlife conservationist, and volunteer firefighter whose presence was very well known in south california’s environmental scene

to keep a long story short, she married maverick holloway; a sleazy low-rank cop with a smoking problem and an obnoxious personality when she was 19. he was nearly twice her age. nobody knows why she married him, or why she tolerated him

the relationship was by no means abusive, but it was lackluster

this led to dahlia having a one night stand, and baba boom baba bing, aster was conceived

the only one who knew that the child wasn’t maverick’s was dahlia’s twin brother, donovan, whose career was p much the exact same as dahlia’s

they were basically both mad scientists; when dahlia started slacking because of her pregnancy, donovan would kick it up

like ykno the twin scientists in bioshock infinite ?? that them like they were eerily alike, always finishing each other’s sentences. nightmare fuel.

the only difference was that donovan was considerably less intense than dahlia b/c dahlia was the kinda lass who would set fire to your car

anywAYs so aster was born and everything was fine n dandy until she got a lil older and it suddenly became clear that this child was absolutely not maverick’s at all because they looked. nothing alike. like u know when u can just tell ?? yeah. yeah u could tell

maverick left dahlia afterwards and it was essentially up to her to raise aster alone. donovan had his own wife and kid to take care of and sort of backed down from his career to do so. house dads ftw

aster grew up knowing her dad as some ‘deadbeat no good’ simply bc dahlia was bitter

also grew up as the kid who would hold worms over another kid’s face and taunt them w/ it. so like, playground bully. that was aster. she’s not ashamed of it

she was often left on her own to do her own kinda shit b/c her mom was always busy out in nature n’ shit but aster never minded; loved her mom a Lot

aster’s life changed when she was nine

her mother had been doing research out in the ~wilderness~ with donovan, after months of convincing him of doing this one last project with her~ when the wildfires started

it spread so fast, and they were already too far away from the road

it took them two months to confirm that the twins were dead

rather than leave aster to maverick, elaine--donovan’s wife--took her under her wing and moved across the country to boston alongside myra, her daughter

elaine always held a resentment towards aster because of her mother, but never did anything about it--it was just always, sorta, implied ?

but myra and aster got along swimmingly despite being polar opposites

aster was p much a feral child, and myra had been receiving etiquette lessons since birth, practically--like, literally

elaine put them in the same hobbies but aster always found ways to be wildly different from the ~standard~

myra learned cello and flute, aster started up on bass and drums (breaking both instruments, repeatedly, for many years)

elaine forced dance onto the both of them, and whilst they both excelled at ballet--aster switched over to a more free-flowing dance as soon as she was able to

(that and when elaine tried to put aster in sports instead of dance--figuring her fiery nature would be put to good use--aster managed to get kicked off of every single team of every single sport she tried b/c of her aggression. theyve had to fight a few lawsuits after aster’s broken a number of noses and sporting equipments)

myra was learning two languages, aster? dyslexic and could barely read english as it was; science made sense to her, however. plants? especially.

people confused myra and aster for twins nearly all the damn time, despite only being cousins, they were so alike and yet so opposite

that was, of course, until they got into a nasty spat when they were seventeen

it was something about dead parents and resentments and yadda yadda; it didn’t end well

aster wound up running away......all the way back to los angeles.

n i mean like......homegirl literally managed to run away across the gd country w/o getting caught or murdered

by the time she arrived in los angeles her aunt was sort of like ‘fuck it ur almost 18′ b/c....aster was nearly 18 by the time she arrived in the city, and elaine contacted maverick who in which found aster

aster did not want to go with him, after hearing stories about him just being no-good

but at that point, maverick was one of los angeles’ head detectives with a beautiful apartment and a beautiful wife and a beautiful dog and just kind of living his best life ?? after dahlia’s death he had really cleaned himself up y’kno

aster still kind of resented him but that was more of an inner thing

anyways she started attending ucla b/c her mother attended ucla, but her mother wasn’t a part of a sorority

it was one of those spur of the moment decisions and like nobody knows how aster ended up in theta sigma eta b/c she’s like a grumpy grandmother

but like she dun’ did that

we stan

a year ago maverick was diagnosed w cancer and has been in the hospital battling it ever since, aster is admittedly effected by it but like would never tell anybody ever

she doesn’t really tell anybody anything about her life, like, it’s a gd mystery

uuuuuuuuh aster works in a floral shop as a florist and grows her own shit ranging from fruits, vegetables, weed, shrooms, uh opium poppies yeah she Does that

it’s organic n fresh n shit like the devil works hard but aster works harder

she doesn’t really ~sell~ too often b/c she’s kinda selfish w her stash but it’s some top notch shit when she does

no she doesn’t grow in the floral shop she’s not Stupid

aster inherited some of her mother’s properties Out There so she drives up almost everyday to take care of her plants

uuuhh fun fact, aster’s part of a dance like...company, kind of? but not really ? outside of ucla b/c she hates being involved in school shit besides habitat for humanity

personality

v v v harsh tbh

she won’t beat around the bush, usually...brutally honest, tbh?

like lbr she’s kind of a bitch too

just v offputting at first b/c she tells it like how it is n doesn’t rly care abt ur problems

doesn’t go around lookin’ for new friends but if you’re tight w her then she’ll probably die for u like she’s v loyal

but if u wrong her like even once she’ll drop u and treat u like right shit

she either feels intensely or nothing at all n that’s like. smth u have to deal w/

she’s v v v chaotic neutral, bordering evil--really works in her own favors

became a botanist after her mother bc she admired her mother more than anybody else

not saying that being vegan is a personality trait

but

aster’s a vegan

n just super hardcore into saving the earth n shit?

litter and she’ll break ur nose, basically

v into sustainable living n shit. rides her bicycle everywhere if she can, rly rarely drives, doesn’t do fast fashion at ALL

v v passionate, will argue w/ u until u admit she’s right even if she’s painfully wrong

like super stubborn, v opinionated, assumes the worst of u immediately

a lil cynical, but is more realist than pessimist

BIG FUCKING GAY

like so gay

she’s not Out-Out but she definitely doesn’t hide it, just doesn’t think it’s necessary to be like ‘im gay’ every 5 minutes n doesn’t think it’s necessary to let ppl kno she’s gay b/c shes just like....its my business

kinda bitch to flirt w dudes for fun in order to lead them on, get them to do things for her, etc. etc. just to disappoint in the end

this is big dumbass energy b/c that’s how u get stabbed

unless aster stabs u first

kinda gal who’ll key ur car if u piss her off during a class debate, but will also stick thumb tacks into ur wheels n shit too

like.....i said she’s spiteful, right? b/c she can b so spiteful

really, genuinely, has no regard for other ppl’s feelings

her music taste is either heavy rock or straight up like grimes/die antwoord there is no in between (prolly listens to billie eilish tho)

owns a pet tarantula n yes she has it in her dorm n Yes she brings it out n plays w it n shit her name is stevie nicks n u better respect her

big slut

would never cheat on u but also probably wouldn’t date u in the first place bc she’s scared of like....being in a relationship b/c all of hers are p much on the rocks

probably carries around a pocket knife at all times

probably bought said pocket knife from a dude in an alleyway for like $5

myra also goes to ucla and theyre 100% still not speaking but that’s bc they’re both too stubborn to go to each other but like lbr aster misses her cousin

v unruly, nvr brushes her hair, usually got dirt on her clothes bc she’s prolly been digging in gardens or stealing flowers or some shit

bright side is tht she always smells like flowers

theta sigma eta is lucky b/c she cooks her own meals w her own fresh veggies n shit n she always makes too much food n like ? so good

but anyways she’s also got like no manners okay she’s so impolite

uuuuuuh god i dunno what else

wanted connections

ride or die

other friends of varying closeness

ex-friends ???

...like somebody she’s into but also...not into? v conflicted feelings

on-and-off-agains bc their relationship is awful n probably toxic but it just. hurt so good

ex-gfs

ex-hookups

boys she’s led on

boys she’s currently leading on

flirtatious encounter gone wrong [not clickbait] ??

enemies

enemies but gone sexual [not clickbait]

buyers of her products - either weed, shrooms, or opium teehee

roommate

give her somebody she was a uwu soft crush on but would nvr do anything abt bc gross romance !!

alternately, unrequited crushes of any sorts

fellow gays b/c gays always end up knowing each other

party pals

frenemies ??

sdfgh give me her dad’s trophy wife pleathe....it’d be so funny

childhood friends tht knew her b4 she moved to boston so like...ages 0-9

childhood friends tht knew her after she moved to boston so like...ages 9-17

or acquaintances bc she was....a mean one

A TUTOR just b/c she can rly struggle w her dyslexia

#uclas:intro

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magg0t-bible · 7 years

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Top 20 Favourite Alt-J Songs

The title is pretty self explanatory so I’m just gonna jump right in

(Also I’ll be briefly explaining what I like about each one, so another long post. Feel free to skip through if you just want to know the songs)

20. Left Hand Free

Generally a really nice bop. It is arguably their most poppy song, and quite different from most of their other music, but it’s still recognisably them, which is what I love. Honestly all I have to hear is the guitar intro and I’m already dancing like an idiot

ALSO there’s a really cute interview/live performance that the band did on KEXP (I’ll insert the link at the end if I can be bothered) where they’re playing this song and in the bit where it goes back to “ain’t shady baby I’m hot”, Gus starts clapping to the beat and makes Joe laugh so much that he can’t even sing it properly and it’s v cute

(Also the little “speakeasy” about halfway through is sexy ngl)

19. Interlude 3 ❦

Strange choice I know, but hear me out. I love the simplicity of this interlude, because it’s literally just 58 seconds of piano and quiet vocalising over the top, but it WORKS SO WELL. Plus it’s placed between a heavier song and a more gentle song on the album, so it’s an interesting way of transitioning.

18. Taro

I have such good memories of the first time I heard Taro. I associate it with getting up early in the morning and going for a walk, as cheesy as that sounds - it just generally fills me with so much happiness. I think it’s very well composed, and that INSTRUMENTAL!! I love it!!!

Not to mention the lyrics about the two war photographers (Robert Capa and Gerda Taro) are very interesting. In general I just really love the different topics that Alt-J write about in their songs.

17. Arrival In Nara

This is such a beautiful, peaceful and gentle song. The piano in the first half sets the song up so nicely, and it’s complemented well with the really light vocals. Especially when Joe and Gus harmonise for the “though I cannot see I can hear her smile as she sings”....I’m dead

16. Intro (This Is All Yours version)

Even though this song does take some time to build up, I’d definitely say it’s worth the wait. The layers are built up so gradually and effectively, and by the time the drums come in, it’s just....it’s just amazing. Wow.

15. Ms

I actually used to skip this song when I first listened to An Awesome Wave, not because I didn’t like it, just because it didn’t really stand out to me that much. WELL.

You know that meme that’s been recreated a million times that says “when you listen to that one song on the album you always skip and it’s actually fire”? Yeah, that’s Ms. The lyrics are beautiful, the a cappella on “the dark seeks dark” works so nicely, and the instrumental after “the nights of all my youth pressed into one glass of water/the shadow burns across like embers tide paper” is so incredibly relaxing.

14. 3WW

I remember one day early in 2017, I said to myself, “it’d be really nice to see Alt-J live, but they haven’t made any music in like, three years. Oh well.”

THE. LITERAL. NEXT. DAY. My friend texted me saying that they’d released a teaser for a new song. So after running round my house hyperventilating and whisper-screaming (don’t worry, I was home alone), I went onto YouTube and listened to the 30-second teaser of 3WW.

AND MY MIND WAS BLOWN. Even more so when I listened to the full song. Gus’ vocals in the beginning are AMAZING - so glad he finally got a solo. Ellie Rowsell’s vocals halfway through are so perfectly placed, and she was definitely the right woman for the job. The instrumentation is absolutely beautiful. Overall the song is just a masterpiece.

13. Hunger Of The Pine

The first song I ever heard from This Is All Yours. I love the way it begins, with Joe singing without any accompaniment apart from that repeating note. It’s another song that builds up nicely, especially by the time the drums come in, and that Miley Cyrus sample?! I had no idea it was her, it just blends in so well.

This is definitely the sort of song you should listen to with headphones on, preferably also with your eyes closed. It’s such an experience and it really takes me places.

(Also shoutout to Gus and his awesome French skills towards the end)

12. The Gospel Of John Hurt

This song is quite similar to HOTP, in the way that it focuses on layers and starts in a very simplistic way before building up. I really like the drums in the second verse and chorus, and the tempo change right after that. I also thought it was cool that the first time Joe sings “Jeremiah” it’s kind of gentle and airy, but then the second time it’s more like “JeremiAHHHHHH” idk it’s cool

And every chorus after the tempo change just makes me feel like my soul has been awoken because W O W

11. Dissolve Me

The first few months of 2017 were a bit difficult for me, and An Awesome Wave as a whole really helped me through them. However, Dissolve Me stood out because of the line “she makes the sound, the sound the sea makes, to calm me down”. My difficulties were to do with my anxiety, and listening to this song helped me to relax like you wouldn’t believe. So it holds a special place in my heart for that reason.

My favourite part has to be the ending when Joe and Gus are harmonising with the “ohhh” and then the chords from the intro come back, and they take it in turns to sing “she makes the sound the sea makes, knee deep in the north”. Absolutely spectacular, even more so live.

10. Something Good

This song definitely lives up to its title. As far is I’m concerned, if you tell me that you can listen to the drums in the intro and not want to dance, you’re a liar. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.

The vocals in the verses are honestly so groovy, and the choruses are somewhat gentle, but they still make me want to get up and dance. The drums throughout the whole song also give it a really nice vibe.

9. Interlude 1/The Ripe & Ruin ❦

I have a surprisingly strong connection with this song, and I’ll explain why. The lyrics are generally about finding balance in your life, but they more specifically describe a woman who constantly counts her steps while walking and makes sure to “abide by the law that she herself has set”. One of my idiosyncrasies has always been pretty much exactly this, and I’ve always thought I was weird for doing it, so this interlude makes me feel lot less alone. Plus the lack of music makes it feel much more intimate.

8. In Cold Blood

AN ACTUAL BANGER. That’s pretty much all I need to say.

The way it instantly begins. The fact that the numbers in the beginning are backwards binary code for ∆, meaning it’s the world’s most cryptic name drop. The line “all above crowd around so fucking loud”. The brass in the chorus. The way the music at the end of the chorus just instantly stops, Joe sings “in cold blood”, and then the music comes right back. I LOVE IT ALL.

7. Tessellate

Tessellate was the song that led me to discover Alt-J, thanks to my extreme obsession with the Ellie Goulding cover that spent a long time being my favourite song ever. I will admit that my younger, unappreciative self wasn’t huge fan of the original song initially, partially because I saw some of the dodgy looking people in the music video lip syncing to the song and naturally thought they were the band. But over time, I decided to give Alt-J another go, and it was probably one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. And I obviously LOVE Tessellate now.

6. Adeline

I’m pretty sad I didn’t get to see this song live, but listening to it at home with headphones is a magical enough experience. It has such powerful lyrics, the way everything gradually builds up is just so beautiful (yes I say that a lot, but they do it a lot okay), it’s just incredible. Especially that end bit where Gus is singing “ohhhhh my Adeline” and you hear the “YAAA YAAA YAAA” over the top. MIND=BLOWN.

5. Matilda

I can honestly say that it was love at first listen with Matilda. Given that I’d been introduced to Alt-J with Breezeblocks and Tessellate, it was nice to listen to something that was a little more light and gentle (in my opinion). I love the way the song references the film Léon, and the drum beat right at the start of the first verse is so peaceful and nice to listen to.

4. Fitzpleasure

When I first got into Alt-J and I’d only heard An Awesome Wave, Fitzpleasure was actually my number 1 favourite song of theirs. I obviously still love it, given that it’s now number 4. The bass line (and guitar in general) is so COOL!! It’s such a groovy sounding song and I love the way it switches between Joe singing a cappella and heavy bass. 10/10.

(P.S. yes I know what the song is about, and no, we are not discussing that today.)

3. Pleader

My favourite Relaxer song, the music video for which has made me cry on multiple occasions. The introductory violins, the way everything is layered, the vocals, the lyrics, basically this song just makes me feel every single emotion at once and it gives me goosebumps and it’s AMAZING. What a killer song to end an album with.

2. Bloodflood

This may come as a surprise, but I actually took ages to listen to this song. I didn’t actually listen to An Awesome Wave from start to finish, I kinda just put it on my laptop and listened to each song gradually, which I now realise was not the best idea. But HOLY MOLY. BLOODFLOOD.

I don’t think I need to say much about this song, because every Alt-J fan knows why it’s amazing. However, it is only number 2, because in terms of personal connections and meaning, there is only one song that can top it.

And that song is......

*drumroll*

1. Nara

WOW. Where to even start. The first time I listened to This Is All Yours (actually from start to finish this time), Nara just stuck out to me for some reason. I have always been a huge supporter of the LGBT+ community, and hearing a song about a gay relationship is just really nice for me. It’s incredibly powerful due to its description of how difficult it is to be gay in a situation where that isn’t truly accepted.

As well as that, the repetition of “hallelujah, Bovay, Alabama” at the end always hits me right in the feels. It’s such a simple motif, yet it works so well as an outro, especially if you understand why they chose those specific words.

So there you go, my top 20 favourite Alt-J songs. Congratulations if you made it this far.

Honourable Mentions

(aka songs that could’ve been on the list but I only thought of them after I’d finished writing the list and I couldn’t be bothered changing it so here they are)

Breezeblocks

Bloodflood pt. II

Deadcrush

Every Other Freckle

Intro (An Awesome Wave version)

Last Year

Portrait

353

Ok I promise I’m done now

[Here’s the interview if you’re interested, Left Hand Free is at 7:14]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrqIws8Q7H4&t=441s

#alt-j #alt j #top 20 songs #basically just ranting about a band that has my WHOLE MF HEART #garden of eden

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survivorreelsmagicwithin · 4 years

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Episode 1A - “The Hufflepuffs are too nice even for me”-Ruthie

This is not the tribe I would have picked. I do not know anyone here which means I am at a disadvantage from the start. However, I am really connecting with Jules right now so maybe I can vibe with them enough to get an immediate ally. But I still need someone else. I am still figuring out my tribe so it will take me a hot minute to adjust. I hope I am not the first boot. I am going to pull my weight in this challenge and pull my first W ever!

I'm fucked, Jess knows how i play bc she literally just hosted me for Old west like a month ago. Whoops. Also joanna is in a competely different house than be so I'm crying. So far I do like my other housemates but we'll see how much of a slytherin they truly are as the days go by.

why. does. this. cast. have. to. be. full. of. icons. i'm really not that good at survivor?? hopefully i do okay??? just tryna be social and shit. (also Ravenclaw is the best)

I’m heading to bed and the boys are about to have a call... I hope an all boys alliance isn’t about to form I’m not here for that! So far I’ve just talked to Kevin and Lily one on one and so far I really like both of them! I’m going to get to know the others tomorrow. This cast is so iconic. I talked to Owen before I read that we weren’t supposed to and he and I are going to go to final two together if neither of us get voted out!

i am SO NERVOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DONT HAVE ANY INITIAL GOOD VIBES ABOUT ANYONE ON MY TRIBE!!!!!! NOT A PERSON!!!!!!!! AND I DONT WANT TO BE THAT ANNOYING BITCH ASKING THEM QUESTIONS ABOUT THEIR LIVES!!!! AND SHIT!!!!!!!!! ugh i dont want to be first boot EITHER LIKE!!!!!!! ugh. uGH.

Me and Jules are literally kindred souls. I love her so much already and she is my ride or die for the rest of the season. Fuck these other bitches!

youtube

Why do I feel like I am the only one putting in effort for this challenge. At least this means I will be safe for a hot minute, right?

Okay so... Max and Landen still haven't accepted my friend request I noticed when I just tried to message them. I'm still talking to Kevin and Lily A LOT! Kevin is so easy to talk to and Lily is too and she and I have SO much in common! I really like the idea of aligning with the two of them but I'm too nervous to suggest it just yet.

Also, my wand was special and I got a special idol hunt out of it! I didn't find anything but still! I'm glad that I at least got one word?? Not sure if our team will win a reward or not but it would be nice!

Honestly, my tribe seems to be particularly inactive and nonchalant. I am the most active person here, in my opinion. It is kind of frustrating, however, to be the only one trying in this challenge except for the very few and far between exceptions. Joshua even forgot about the challenge entirely! I hope to God that these people, if we have to go to tribal because we lose the immunity challenge, do not vote me out. Honestly, it would make no sense since I am already proving that I will be a challenge asset and very active. I would make the best ally out of everyone on my tribe! I would be allies with myself!

I LOVE YOU OWEN BUT PLEASE GO SUCK A DICK. You need to stop. Wth, go back to school so we can get some points. You too Kevin DX But we're in the lead so far *knock on wood* and hopefully stay that way. Love Jess and I hope I can take her to like f4 but I think I want to take Joanna and Owen to f3 if I even make it that far

This cast.... WHOA!!!! feel like yall had to put some of these ppl under imperius curse to get them back because I havent seen these faces in a WHILE!!!! Ruthie is a queen, first thing we messaged to each other was f2 <333 love her but dont trust that she wont turn on me at some point lol. Raffy my little island of shade bro, and Autumn <3 crossroads queen.... nice to see some of my children back here. I'm glad Jess is in the game because I like her a lot but I did just disappoint her in eve's challenge game so...we will see. but i love jess regardless :) ummmm... so happy I was sorted onto the brain tribe, then immediately proceeded to fuck up several times in the spelling challenge LOL

My tribe is nice though. I'm glad I'm with Dan - we have a weird history in games, but we've both been here for 7/8 years at this point and our ancient bones will prob work together. I already think him and Jules are going to be my alliance on this tribe <3 jules is AMAZING but I can tell they (? is this correct pronouns i dont remember and it wasnt in the posts) are a social legend and are going to be on EVERYONE's good side. love them though already, we have a lot in common and it was easier to talk to them + also get into a bit of game chat.

Joanna and Miguel....not so much. I like them both fine, but they don't know how to converse. I asked them all a shit ton of questions and they didn't ask a SINGLE thing back???? Like...okay work! I can't do it all for you, give me somethin!!!! I do like them both, it's just....they don't give a shit about me! LOL

Miguel is also an awkward one because I played with him LEGIT five years ago or more, in a game where we were on opposite sides. I'd rather work with him based on that connection than not but...apparently he already told Jules that we were against each other before??? and he's barely spoken to me so whatever. I like him, he's cute and he's funny, but.... if he's telling people more about me than he's willing to even get out of me myself, it's a no from me :)

WOOHOOOO WE WON REWARD!! I DIDN'T REALLY HELP (i tried but with no success) BUT I'M STILL REALLY HAPPY ABOUT IT! THANK GOD FOR OWEN

Well it’s day 2, we just lost reward but Immunity is still up for grabs!! Hopefully it’s something we can excell it but 👀 a bitch don’t have many skills so we gon have to see on that one! Other than that we got to know our tribe mates, I have a really good tribe! First off there is Ruthie who I played an old season of TS with and I worked with her BUT also voted her out :c so maybe we can work together and look past that? She was a really good ally of mine but it didn’t work out. I’ve loved talking to her again tho <3 then there is Lily! A new person to me but I absolutely adore her I love her energy she’s so talkative our conversations have been really good! If I had it my way I would work with her in this game, but I don’t want to force anything so I’m not gonna bring that up to her this early. Then there is landen another familiar face to me, I played also a TS season with him, and we had a rocky relationship in that game, not really do in part to either of us just how the cards fell. I did NOT vote him out but we didn’t end our game relationship on the best terms. He seems the least eager to want to talk to me which is not a good sign bc I remember him being so outgoing in 2020 and that energy not being matched here worries me. He also addressed me as “mr. 2020 winner” in our first talk so <3 maybe he might target me <3 thays so fun <3 lastly there is MAX! Max is fun, kinda loud but in a good way, he wasn’t all that helpful in the challenge for reward (him nor landen were all that active) and we had a good first conversation and then it’s seemingly gone downhill? I still have to see if our momentum picks back up before I decide what my plans with him are, i wouldn’t mind working with him if possible but he is also fairly close to landen (apparent after an over 2 hour long call last night.. IN THE TRIBE CHAT) so if landen has a distaste for me he’ll definitely spread that to max if he has the choice, so I gotta tread carefully but only time will tell how I end up fairing on this tribe :o WISH ME LUCK

It is second day of school and I already hate everyone. It seems that I actually went back to Junior high where everyone's playing PENIS on the great hall. I forgot how it felt to play with teenagers and I'm not here for it. I think I'll be a true ravenclaw and isolate myself reading a book or learning new spells cause I don't have many interests in common with these people. On a side note I'm really happy to be a Ravenclaw, and I actually like our team, I think we are strong and I hope I'm not in danger if we do lose, I'll try to work on my foreigner charm and start faking even more my mexican accent if that's what I need to do in order to stay, Jules is amazing, loved her and I hope we can work well together. Also I love the whole castle idol hunt idea , so... charming.

First things first... this cast is... BONKERS. I didn't expect it to be as stacked as it is..

I'm scared.

I hate it here.

There are sooo many weird relationships here which is kind of a good thing and a bad thing. The good thing about it is... I THINK that means some people got beef and I can maybe piggy back off of some of these relationships... IDK I'm not trying to think too deep into anything right now.

BUT... y'all put me on a tribe with someone who just single handily put me out of a game TWO FUCKING DAYS AGO and I'd like to complain to your MANAGERS @hosts.

In all seriousness I'm going to try and have fun in this game and not take it entirely tooo seriously.

ALSO.. my fucking wand gave me the option for a "quest" yesterday but it'd have to remove me from the tribe chat... so obviously... I gave the quest to someone else. Aka: Jacob.. who I knew would be a selfish bitch and take the quest. I also knew the likelihood of him telling me about what actually happened were high and I'd virtually get no weird looks my way because I WASN'T the one who was removed from the tribe chat. This basically ensured that I got to know what the quest was, its potential contents, and paint a target on someone else rather than myself in case there was virtually nothing to base the first couple of votes on... right?

I think I'm onto something with the idol guesses. There's weird storylines in them and I THINK if I can somehow get to the green house and find the other ingredients that were in Snape's writing I'll be onto something.

Also me and Jacob snapped in that Reward challenge and these HEATHENS should thank us for single-handily giving them a reward. Nick randomly slept all god damn day.. which really annoyed me. We have a reward and you are gonna SLEEP ALL DAY? SIR? I get real life happens but at least hide the fact you sleeping sis.

My tribe is literally probably the LAST TRIBE I wanted to end up on because well.. 1. Nick is shady and social. He might take the fact that I was loyal to people in the other game into account. I've tried the whole "I start off each game fresh and no hard feelings" spell but will he accept it? Tune in folks. I also technically can't explain my actions in the game to him because he is currently still in it so... PARTY!

2. Jacob is amazing and I love him. We've actually played several games together and weirdly always end up super loyal to people. He's a crackhead though so I'm gonna have to be a BIT cautious with him. I sipped dumb bitch juice and told him about Snape's writing because I want to show him some sort of token of loyalty.

3. Vi is a crackhead. I know this because I've hosted her. Kind of wanna fuck around and give her first boot from the tribe because I DO NOT TRUST HER. When she gets bored, she fucks things up, she lies for fun, and well... no.

4. Jessie seems really sweet so far. We haven't really spoken much which kind of sucks but we will get there!? I think?

I think some may have found something, because I just idol searched and I the exact same path I did yesterday, and yesterday there were three different choices and today there were only two. The only reason I could think of why one of the ending options were removed is that something was there and something was found...

12 minutes later

turns out it was a mistake, never mind

Okay it is challenge time and Max is around I think and Lily is finishing a class but KEVIN AND LANDEN ARE LATE, they are delinquents I expect more from Hufflepuffs than this tardiness.

I'm definitely kidding but... may not be able to be around for the entire challenge if they don't hurry the heck up. Part of me wants to start but I don't want this to be on me if we don't do well. OH Kevin just messaged me so at least another tribe member is on... WHY is he not messaging the tribe chat?? OH Lily is on now so I should stop writing and get to business... WISH us cute little badgers luck!

20 minutes later

been doing this challenge for over an hour, i feel defeated

If this wasn't a team work thing I would be done by now these people are slowing me down. x_x. DLSJFSLDFJ I shouldn't complain. They all have good ideas but it takes FOREVER to agree on something. Also I do feel like an asset to the hufflepuff tribe because when I was eating lunch with my family Lily messaged me and told me I was the glue holding the tribe together and she wished I was back and that made me feel VERY good about my place on the tribe!

But seriously I'm just ready for the challenge to be over so low key I hope that Max stops responding for awhile again so I can just say random shit until we finish the dang thing LSDJFLSJDF.

The Hufflepuffs are too nice even for me.

That challenge went terribly. In all honesty, I would not blame my tribe for wanting to take me out because I took up the leadership role. But it was not like anyone else was taking the reigns so I needed to do something. I just hope they can see the merits of keeping me in this game. I really don't want to be first boot. I think we're going to have to go to tribal because we we took so long. God this is going to be so frustrating.

This challenge is NEVER going to end I'm trying to be patient but Max always interjects with something and it SLOWS EVERYTHING DOWN FOR TEN MINUTES. OR MORE. I just have this window open to complain, lol, I won't send this for awhile. LOL Max is killing me. All the boys are exhausting I don't think they have been paying any attention to the notes I have been making, if we go to tribal council Lily and I SHOULD be safe.

OKAY it was fun that everyone just joined in in the end but I'm so glad that it is over and I hope that we won this thing and are safe!

me: im gonna be sneaky and not tell my alliance ALL the info i have also me: tells them info i couldnt possibly know without telling them ALL the info i have anyways.

https://youtu.be/qhfHo_Ns1xQ

Living my dream as a huff puff, no big deal. So far I’m really enjoying being on my tribe. We all communicate well and have positive attitudes about things. We also had so much fun at the immunity challenge but I can tell we are all stressed about the results. I’m really impressed by everyone this season being involved and I could tell people were on their A game during the reward challenge. I would really hate to see us as the bottom tribe having to go to tribal. I honestly don’t want to see any of these people go but I certainly don’t want to be first boot. I’m really proud of our tribe and I would hate to have a loss right now put a crack in the friendships we have been building.

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